INFJ Growth

Today marks TWO big milestones for our podcast community: We're wrapping up Season 3 with Episode #50 of the podcast, AND we're celebrating the 1 year anniversary since starting this podcast journey together! As I've reflected on Season 3 of the podcast, I've noticed the theme of how important it is for introverts to integrate our internal and external worlds. For introverts it is the challenge of a lifetime to connect and integrate between our internal selves and the people we have relationships with. While introverts are often able to connect with and understand the perspectives of other people, our secret weapon as introverts is *self* understanding. I truly believe that we can achieve a balance between our efforts to empathize with other people's perspectives, while also nurturing and prioritizing our own self-understanding. For Season 4, we'll be exploring many different tools that you can use to understand yourself better. As you reach deeper levels of understanding about yourself, your brain, the ways that you see and navigate the world, and how you prioritize your decisions, you progressively become stronger and unlock the ability to supercharge your relationships. I truly believe that if you dedicate the time and energy to understanding yourself and to building your internal foundation, that it lays the groundwork to quantum leap and to transform your efforts into a massive multiplication of results in a short amount of time. In Season 4 we'll be sharing all of the different resources, tools, books, and practical knowledge to help introverts leverage their full potential when it comes to relationships, personal development, and inner work. Three of my favorite tools for understanding yourself on a deeper level include MBTI, Enneagram, and Human Design. I am SO excited to explore these topics further with you in Season 4!Join the Introvert Attraction Podcast Newsletter to receive updates when Season 4 begins! Thank you sooo much for coming along with us on your introvert journey! I can't wait for us to unlock new levels of self-discovery, personal growth, and connected relationships together soon! Note: I realized that I mistakenly referenced Season 2 rather than Season 3 throughout this episode, time really flies!! :) Can't wait to see you in a few weeks!! ~Jillie

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Introduction 2:25 | Introvert brains are like vacuum cleaners: We take in many different sources of information from the outside world, and we need time alone in order to process, understand, and integrate information between our internal and external worlds 3:45 | Introverts often feel misunderstood (especially if you grew up in a home environment without enough time or space for self-reflection and internal processing) 5:10 | Even if your childhood was not significantly stressful or traumatic, there are many different circumstances in which you may have felt you needed to live up to the expectations of others in order to prove your worth. This can create a type of survival mode where you're trained to look for other people to tell you what's best for you 9:15 | Once you grow up and reach adulthood, it's common for introverts to go through an existential crisis and realize you don't know yourself as an individual11:25 | Sometimes you need to go through difficult crashes: It forces you to take inventory of who you are, what matters to you, and who you want to become 13:55 | Introverts need to schedule alone time to balance building a strong internal foundation while also connecting with people in the world around you. Building that foundation of inner work is the first step to navigating life from a place of internal strength, and to break the cycle of emotional survival mode14:35 | Introversion is more than "needing time to recharge your social battery”: You need to have time alone in order to fully process and understand the world around you, and to learn the lessons needed to *grow* rather than to just survive18:20 | Self-reflection challenge: Did you grow up in a family where your internal world was acknowledged and valued? Were you encouraged to make your own decisions without being shamed for being different than other people? Were you forced to ignore your internal world because you walked on eggshells with your parents?19:50 | All of these can lead to a type of survival mode where you're unable to dedicate time, energy, and attention to your internal world, or where you're forced to ignore it because you're so busy managing the demands and expectations of the world and people around you20:30 | Setting time aside to build your internal foundation (and using different tools to understand how your brain processes information, prioritizes decisions, and interacts with the world) gives you a framework to start integrating with the world around youUnderstanding your own unique operating system that you use to navigate the world leads to you becoming more effective at leveraging it and reaching your potential.Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Introduction 2:30 | Is it normal to experience highs and lows in the beginning of a relationship? 4:00 | The anxious-avoidant attachment often manifests as a strong chemistry and intense attraction in the beginning after meeting someone Once the physical chemistry fades, it's time to build *meaningful* intimacy and connection, which requires emotional regulation, emotional maturity, effective communication, and being open to vulnerability and the "scary" parts of emotional intimacy 5:55 | People with avoidant attachment are afraid of failure and often feel self-conscious about their difficulty with emotional connection; they respond to those normal fears by pushing people away and creating emotional *distance* instead of emotional *connection* 6:30 | People with anxious attachment are more likely to turn toward and attempt to “close the gap” with emotional intimacy: This is what starts the push-pull dynamic and sparks the “thrill of the chase” with the emotional highs and lows present in the early stages of a relationship 7:00 | Research shows that over time we start to associate stress hormones (adrenaline, epinephrine, cortisol) and the feelings that they create with our experience of love and intermittent connection, followed by feelings of heartbreak, numbness, and disappointment 8:00 | This can lead people with anxious attachment to be drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable or avoidant, because we've learned to associate stress hormones with feelings of love and connection 11:30 | These relationships often end dramatically or sometimes with being ghosted, leaving you feeling abandoned and empty 12:00 | If you go through these relationship cycles repeatedly, your brain and nervous system start to associate these familiar cycles with safety and you'll keep feeling drawn to that similar pattern, which leads to anxiety and intuition sending you warning messages to try and jolt you out of it 14:15 | A deep-seated fear of rejection and low self-worth often keep you coming back to these types of emotional rollercoaster relationships (followed by beating yourself up that you “should have known better” after the crash) 16:10 | Getting in touch with your authentic emotional needs and your true self helps you to connect with new choices, and to explore new possibilities of what an emotionally mature type of love could look like for you Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Introduction 1:15 | Anxiety is a common experience when learning how to set boundaries and communicate needs, especially if you have a history of people-pleasing or past trauma 3:00 | Many INFJs feel significant anxiety when expressing needs in relationships, especially when other people react negatively 4:55 | You can learn how to view intuition and anxiety as messengers and tools in your relationships, and you can teach yourself how to interpret and respond to them in a constructive way 8:20 | Don't shoot the messenger: Anxiety is not a bad omen or something to be resisted. Instead, you can *listen* to what it tells you without immediately *reacting* to it and treating it as a singular objective fact about a situation 9:50 | Personifying anxiety and intuition: They are messengers sharing a perspective from your past. You don't want to deny that part of yourself, because it was real “We are a composition of our lived experiences... if you deny that part of yourself, you are creating more fragmentation and shadow." 11:40 | You can acknowledge and respect anxiety's message from your past, but you can only create a different future by making different choices. We must learn how to acknowledge and honor our past without allowing it to become our future 15:10 | The two most common responses to anxiety: Either blindly believing it as objective fact, or shooting the messenger to resist and turn against it (because you're too uncomfortable to listen) 18:40 | One of the reasons why intuition and anxiety become so loud is because we consistently ignore them and reject our true selves 20:30 | Valuing and respecting your intuition and anxiety means that they are no longer enemies you're defending against: Instead they become companions and fellow travelers, who support and guide you on your journey of self-discovery and personal growth Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Introduction 1:25 | What are the differences between intuition and anxiety? It's easy to confuse one with the other, and they often travel together when we're making decisions 4:15 | What are the similarities between intuition and anxiety? They both can manifest as a deep-seated feeling that something “isn't right”, and they often are not logical or rational (which makes introverts reluctant to share our experiences with them) 8:40 | Intuition is a subjective, personal experience. Personally, I view intuition and anxiety as messengers and sources of information that are open to interpretation 9:30 | The way that you respond to intuition can cause secondary feelings of anxiety, especially when you are betraying what you know deep down is right for you 11:00 | If you've trained yourself to ignore your intuition, it's an ongoing process for you to become familiar with listening to your intuitive voice and to “know what it really means” 12:30 | Anxiety can be a sneaky “false messenger" disguising itself as intuition when you are dating someone new, especially if you've been hurt before (as a means to try and protect yourself) 15:45 | Personally: When I take action in response to intuition things feel easier, while taking action out of anxiety increases feelings of resistance 17:35 | Actions from anxiety often come from self-preservation and self-protection, and often feel reactive and automatic 18:20 | Intuition speaks more softly and it doesn't necessarily say its message more than once, whereas anxiety is much louder, more persistent, and demands attention 19:50 | Intuition feels like a guide that you can choose to follow, whereas anxiety is louder and more controlling 23:25 | Learning to have the type of relationship with your intuition and anxiety that you would want to have with a partner: 1) Allowing the situation to unfold as its happening without resistance, and 2) Learning how to *communicate* your feelings rather than trying to suppress or *control* them 24:15 | If you receive a signal telling you to act in a certain way, to achieve an expectation, or to cause a person to respond differently: That is anxiety, NOT intuition Intuition is for YOU: It is not dependent on the outcome, nor is it dependent on how other people respond. 25:30 | Taking action from a place of anxiety is giving away your power. Intuition always brings your power back to you. Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Introduction 1:25 | Past relationship mistakes can bring the most growth in the future: Embracing your shadow allows you to move forward with self-acceptance rather than shame 3:10 | Only YOU can define your self-worth: Being dependent on other people's validation leads to becoming a social chameleon, which means you are sacrificing parts of yourself in order to receive love 4:55 | Rejecting parts of yourself often comes from childhood: The parts of you that were minimized or frowned upon as a child are often the same parts that *you* reject and minimize in *yourself* as an adult 5:25 | Suppressing your true personality and identity leads to a loss of your own self-worth, which makes you vulnerable to rejection and being controlled by the decisions of other people 6:25 | The goal is to invest your efforts *internally* into your intuition, authenticity, and valuing who you are, and then allowing other people to make their own decisions about whether they're attracted to you 9:05 | Investing your energy into micro-managing people's decisions, perceptions, and behaviors ultimately leads to your own disempowerment (and further fuels the fear of rejection) 10:50 | Challenge: Assess where you are investing your energy, effort, and intentions:Are you seeking external validation?Are you suppressing your own uniqueness?Are you trying to act a certain way in order to be accepted or approved of?What are the areas (or people) you've noticed are draining your energy and power?⬆️ Start to make some withdrawals from those areas, and invest that energy back into your own self and things you *can* control: Authentic self-expression, trusting your intuition, and showing up unapologetically.  12:05 | As a byproduct of investing your energy into yourself: You radiate confidence and self-assuredness, which are incredibly attractive! 12:55 | Allowing other people to make their own decisions based on whether they're attracted to the REAL you means that your self-worth is not tied to their response, which makes you more resilient in the face of rejection 15:00 | Dating becomes more exciting when you no longer view rejection as a threat to your self-worth! This allows you to view life through the lens of opportunity, rather than moving through life trying to protect yourself from other people's beliefs and perceptions about you Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Introduction: Today's episode explores 3 common ways people *externally* respond to being rejected, and how you can begin to move toward acceptance  2:10 | Response #1: Asking questions and attempting to gain clarity of the reasons why the person is rejecting you or ending the relationship 5:10 | The answers that someone gives to these questions becomes fuel for overthinking, and it can take you to dark places where you feel worthless and hopeless 6:15 | We believe that we need to "know all the answers" in order to move on, but this comes from a place of trying to *do* something to relieve your pain (and ultimately it makes the pain worse) 9:20 | Response #2: Trying to convince the person that they should continue the relationship or stay with you- This often takes the form of "bargaining" or suppressing your own needs 13:05 | Even if you convince the person to stay with you, you'll experience a deep sense of dread because you're no longer co-existing in the relationship as equals 15:45 | Response #3: Staying in the "friend-zone" or being friends with someone who rejects you as a romantic partner (this happens most commonly with women rejecting men) 17:25 | It's normal to feel frustrated or angry when you're on the receiving end of this type of rejection, because it feels minimizing and devaluing 22:00 | It's not your choice of whether you're placed in the friend-zone, but it is 100% your choice of whether to *stay* there (which is disempowering and often comes with the false hope that she might change her mind in the future) 24:35 | The common theme of all 3 responses to rejection is that *you* are rejecting *reality* as it is, rather than moving toward acceptance 28:10 | Acceptance is an active *choice* that allows you to move on- To move forward and one step closer to meeting someone who is excited to be with you, and who values you in the way you deserve Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Introduction: Today's episode explores 3 common ways people *internally* respond to being rejected, and how you can start to respond more constructively 2:50 | Tactic #1: Assess & shift the target that your feelings of rejection are focused on4:05 | It's common to take the *subjective feeling* and inadvertently assign it an *objective meaning* about your worth and value as a person5:05 | People are actually rejecting their perception of you, they are not rejecting YOU as a person6:20 | It's important to recognize and interrupt the automatic pattern from feeling → thought → belief and to retrain your brain to respond to the feeling of rejection differently8:30 | Recognize the feeling and stay grounded in your body- Without allowing your brain to latch onto the feelings and turn them into beliefs about your value as a person11:55 | Tactic #2: Reframe the pain of rejection by focusing on the feeling of gratitude of having *certainty* about the situation16:10 | Contrasting a situation when someone strings you along because they don't want to hurt your feelings vs. a situation when you have certainty when they definitively end the relationship21:00 | Tactic #3: Retrain your brain to stop viewing rejection as a "problem to be solved" or a question that you need to "find the answer" to before you allow yourself to move forward25:05 | It's easy to confuse the constructive practice of reflection with the destructive practice of circular thinking and repeatedly trying to find the answer to “why” this happened30:00 | It's not closure or answers that will help you to move on from rejection- It is your *acceptance* of the situation that will help you to move on from it, even if what happened was unfair32:40 | Acceptance is releasing the expectation that reality should be different than what it is, even if you don't agree with it. It is acceptance that allows you to move on, NOT answers, certainty, or closure36:00 | Learning how to respond differently to rejection ultimately helps you to feel more confident in your ability to handle it (which makes you less afraid of it)37:40 | Sneak peek of next week's episode!Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Recap of last week's episode 1:50 | Introduction to the question: "How can I overcome my fear of rejection?" We fear rejection because it's painful, and we are neurologically programmed to fear and avoid things that our brains perceive as threatening3:30 | The experience of being rejected can also cause feelings of shame and questioning your self-worth & value as a person5:10 | Rejection creates the fear that someone might hurt you again, which leads to your brain monitoring for signs that you might be rejected in the future7:30 | 2 common ways that introverts often respond to feelings of rejection: Internal over-analysis, or ignoring it and pushing through it with external action8:25 | Learning to manage the pain of rejection in a way that is constructive and healthy helps to build self-trust in your ability to work through it12:30 | Trusting yourself to work through negative emotions allows you to truly become open to receiving love, because you're able to receive *all* of the emotions (positive and negative)14:00 | Exploring your pain of rejection (your fears of it and your responses to it) helps you to build awareness of the ways that it's held you back16:00 | Avoidance of rejection leads to you missing out on potential opportunities for connection, and those missed opportunities are much worse than being brave enough to face your fears!In our next 2 episodes we will explore 2 different perspectives to help you learn how to work through the pain of rejection constructively, with greater self-trust, and with bravery to face your fears and to start putting yourself out there with dating!Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Recap of last week's episode 1:40 | Introduction to the 3 steps to help you identify your needs and attract a healthy partner who treats you like an equal2:25 | Step 1: Different ways to assess your needs in a relationship: Shared values, actions and behaviors, personality traits, and emotional/intimacy needs11:45 | Step 2: Mindset shift from "trying to find the right person” to collecting information and getting to know the person over time16:35 | Step 3: Learning to reconnect with, to value, and to trust your intuition18:30 | Questions to help you assess the relationship you have with your own intuition19:45 | A helpful analogy if you've lost connection with your intuition25:00 | Create an intentional habit to take time and connect with your intuition (NOT just when you're in crisis and need help)25:45 | Putting these 3 steps together helps you to grow stronger and to value yourself, both as an individual and as a partner in the relationship28:05 | Take-home message: Only YOU can define your own value (rather than being dependent on external validation to make you feel worthy)29:15 | How to assess “is this working?” by looking at the pattern of the types of people you're attractingCome join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Intro 1:10 | Exploring the concepts of identity and integration of self 3:00 | Why introverts can often feel like you “lose yourself” in relationships5:05 | When looking for a dating partner: We attract what we expect6:10 | Looking at past relationship patterns: Have you ever defined your identity and self-worth based on how much you can do for your partner?8:45 | Now is the perfect time to learn from your past relationships, because you have the opportunity to build a new relationship that's healthy from the beginning 9:50 | Two phases of personal growth after a break-up: Phase 1: Grief, emotional processing, and healing; Phase 2: Looking back and learning from your past experiences, and then making changes moving forward11:40 | Introverts face unique challenges with these growth phases while integrating our internal and external worlds12:45 | The importance of scheduling time to reflect and process your external experiences, and then integrating them into your personal identity13:55 | Processing your past experiences turns your “baggage” from a liability into an asset, because you've chosen to let your experiences strengthen you instead of weighing you down14:30 | Sneak peek of next week's episode!Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Introduction 2:00 | Different levels of perspective and how we measure our dating progress 3:50 | The tendency to view dating as a series of goals to achieve can distort your perspective and make setbacks more painful6:20 | Once you've practiced detaching from the outcome (listen to last week's episode if you missed it!)- The next step is to zoom out and look at the bigger picture and the deeper meaning in the story of your life7:30 | Different things you can value on your dating journey: Learning, resilience, trusting yourself, listening to your intuition8:25 | How you can train your brain to interpret situations and negative feelings in a more empowering way10:20 | Having a deeper purpose that you're struggling for changes the nature of the fight12:50 | Comfort and happiness are dependent on what's happening around you, which makes you weak because you can't control external situations most of the time. Instead of trying to "be happy," you can choose to value *strength* (this perspective shift turns adversity into something that makes you stronger)13:25 | A new way to track your progress: Are you handling external situations differently than before?14:40 | Video game analogy: Even when you face a setback, you're not starting over from the beginning. You're starting a new level, and you're bringing your past skills and experience with you every time!16:45 | This week's challenge!Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

This episode was inspired by a conversation I had with one of our Instagram community members! He decided to go all-in living in full authenticity, and he started pushing his comfort zone by initiating conversations with strangers in public (and he's an introvert, gasp!)But there's a twist: He also started to practice detaching from the *outcome* of these interactions entirely.By shifting his focus from trying to create an outcome to instead releasing all expectations about achieving a certain result, he ended up getting 2 dates (AND another in the works!) within a couple days!He graciously agreed that I could share his story with you all, so today's episode dives deeper into: 1) The reasons *why* his method is so effective, AND 2) Exactly *how* YOU can start taking steps to push your comfort zone and invite serendipity and surprises into your own life!Here are the highlights of today's episode:0:00 | Intro1:05 | Our tendency to prioritize taking action and focusing on outcomes when it comes to dating3:10 | Our community member's story of releasing expectations and instead focusing on the energy of intent while detaching from the result6:20 | The reason why *lowering* your expectations (rather than releasing them) is actually harmful... AND what you should do instead7:10 | Releasing expectations opens up room for magic, surprises, and serendipity to occur in your dating life, often when you least expect it!9:55 | How to take YOUR first steps toward pushing your comfort zone: Reflecting on the underlying energy and intent behind your actions, learning to value the experience regardless of the outcome, and treating it like an experiment rather than judging yourself if you "fail"11:00 | Two different signposts to help you know if you're on the right track with your own experiment12:30 | Taking small actions *before* you feel motivated helps to give you small wins, so you'll quickly gain confidence and momentum to keep going14:45 | My challenge to you for this week: Try this experiment in your own life, and be open to whatever happens! As long as you judge yourself based on your effort invested, lessons learned, and becoming stronger... you can't possibly fail!Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram and share your own story, we'd love to have you there!

In today's surprise bonus episode, we're exploring the differences between working with a therapist vs. a dating coach. I've received this question several times in the last few weeks, so I created an episode around it that you can reference when needed!Therapy and dating coaching are complementary and can be used together, but each has its own specific purpose:➡️Therapists are guides for your past & present personal journey. Therapy is helpful to process and heal from major events in your past. Therapy often includes:Inner work Processing/healing from past eventsExploratory approach➡️Coaches are guides for your present & future relationship journey. Coaching is helpful for in-the-moment skills and strategies as they're happening to help you create your desired future. Coaching often includes:External workTaking action toward future relationship goalsStrategic/structured approach~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The *type* of support provided with therapy vs. coaching is also very different:➡️Therapy typically meets for 1 hour once per week➡️Coaching combines both 1 hour video sessions AND communication between sessions via Whatsapp text & voice messages. Whatsapp communication provides continuous in-the-moment support anytime you face a challenge or need feedback/clarity on next steps with dating.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The *duration* of support also differs:➡️Therapy often goes on indefinitely➡️As a dating coach, my goal is NOT for us to work together indefinitely, because our goal is to get you into a healthy relationship so you can start living your best life!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~⭐️Above all: Trust your intuition!➡️If you have significant past *trauma* that holds you back from even trying to date, I recommend starting with therapy (because taking action and forcing yourself to date might actually cause more harm than good).➡️If you feel like you're holding *yourself* back, or that you keep attracting the wrong partners and you want to focus on taking action and working through obstacles, then coaching might be a helpful next step for you to start building your dating skill set.On the fence and not sure if you're a good fit for coaching? Shoot me an email to jillie@introvertattraction.com or DM me on Instagram at introvertattraction ~ I'd love to help you decide the type of support that will work best for you!✨Come join our community on Instagram, we'd love to have you there!Can't wait to see you next week!! ~Jillie

Today we're doing a top 5 list ~ Here are the top 5 red flags and dealbreakers I would NOT tolerate in the early stages of dating someone new!These might not all apply to you personally, but they're a helpful starting point for you to think about your own red flags and dealbreakers.It's important to learn more about yourself as you move through your dating journey, that way you can begin to recognize red flags sooner and you'll waste less time with people who aren't a good fit for your relationship goals.Here are the highlights of today's episode:0:00 | Intro4:40 | Number 1: Not showing a genuine interest during conversations, not asking questions, not fully listening.7:20 | Number 2: Someone who is carrying past relationship baggage to the point that it makes them excessively guarded or emotionally unavailable.12:30 | Number 3: Major differences or incompatibilities in our core values, lifestyle, or future life goals.17:10 | Number 4: Someone who doesn't reciprocate efforts with communication and initiating dates (includes texting, committing to plans, or sharing how they feel about you). If someone makes you guess or consistently sends mixed signals, that's a "no" for me!23:40 | Number 5: Dating someone I'm not attracted to (remember that: 1) Attraction goes beyond physical appearance, and 2) Everyone has different preferences of physical attributes they find attractive).Here's the Mark Manson article I mentioned, it truly transformed my dating life!Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram, we'd love to have you there!

Here are today's episode highlights! 0:00 | Introduction 0:55 | Introverts are at risk of falling too quickly for someone we feel a strong connection with. 3:05 | You can't get to *know* someone just by talking to them ~ It creates a false sense of intimacy based on the things they choose to share. 5:00 | How can you learn to trust someone when you've been hurt before?5:30 | The two things we often confuse with trust in the early stages of a relationship: Feelings and perception. 7:10 | True lasting trust is based on your shared *experiences,* NOT your shared feelings or conversations.8:45 | What does “trust” actually mean? Trust is built over time on the things that people DO, not the words they say. Trust requires a consistent *alignment* between their words and actions.The ingredients that lead to REAL and meaningful trust: Truth-telling, reliability, following through, and *showing* a consistent alignment between their actions and their words (repeatedly across time). 9:35 | The crucial difference between trusting someone else and trusting yourself. 11:05 | The importance of pacing yourself in the early stages of a relationship ~ Pacing yourself helps you to not get swept away by your feelings before you've truly gotten to *know* the other person. 12:30 | For introverts: Having outside perspective and support helps you to stay true to yourself, rather than losing yourself and having your heart broken if things don't work out. 13:00 | A few questions you can ask yourself to help you reflect on past relationships before you move forward (so you don't accidentally repeat the same mistakes with the next person).Improving your self-awareness of past relationship patterns allows you to start making changes toward a healthier relationship foundation in the future!A final note: Please make sure not to beat yourself up if you've gone through this experience and had your heart broken. And please try your best not to isolate and instead lean on other people for support: You are not alone!!Come join our introvertattraction community on Instagram, we'd love to have you there!

Hello introvert fam! I'm dropping a surprise TWO episodes to share dating success stories this week!I love love love celebrating people's hard work, perseverance, and success with dating! I hope that hearing their stories inspires you on your own dating journey✨0:00 | Intro ~ This episode shares the dating success story of Jen, a woman in her early 30s who kept getting stuck in “situationships” and wanted to attract someone emotionally available whom she could actually trust 2:40 | Jen's dating strategy to communicate her boundaries and expectations in a healthy *and* attractive way6:00 | The key to building trust in the beginning is to date at a healthy pace (*before* becoming too attached), and being willing to walk away from people sending mixed signals8:00 | Jen's success! Using the Attract / Repel Power Combo to meet someone who wanted to date exclusively *and* communicated that to her!11:30 | Dating mindset for introverts: Being intentional and strategic vs. relying on positive thinking and affirmations

Hello introvert fam! I'm dropping a surprise TWO episodes to share dating success stories this week!I love love love celebrating people's hard work, perseverance, and success with dating! I hope that hearing their stories inspires you on your own dating journey✨0:00 | Intro ~ This episode shares the dating success story of Patrick, a single dad in his late 30s who was ready to get back in the dating game after healing from a stressful divorce3:55 | Introverts often struggle with overthinking with texting and communication (and how you can gain confidence!)5:00 | Patrick's dating strategy to attract women who supported him in raising his son as a single dad7:25 | The crucial difference between talking to someone and actually getting to KNOW them!9:00 | Patrick's success! Connecting with someone who viewed being a single parent as an attractive asset

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Recap from Episode #1: An effective strategy is the key to online dating success (give it a listen!) 4:00 | The 3 components of your dating profile: 1) Photos, 2) Bio description, 3) Icebreaker messages. A customized dating strategy helps you to stand out and speak directly to your dream partner! 4:45 | The "Attract / Repel Power Combo"

Here are the highlights of today's episode: 0:00 | Does online dating work for introverts? 3:05 | Online dating is confusing, which creates self-doubt and uncertainty: Are there any good people left out there? Do you have a chance with them?4:45 | What are you doing wrong? What should you be focusing on? The desire to take action yet being uncertain leads to feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and hopeless

Hello everyone!! I'm SO excited to announce Season 3 is starting, AND that we are expanding our community to include introverts of all types!!Whether you're an INFJ or a different type (or even if you don't know what the heck MBTI is!), people in our community all value the same things: Personal growth, relationships, emotional connection, resilience, authenticity, and integrity.We also share many of the same struggles and difficulties: Overthinking, self-sabotage, anxiety, stuck in repeating patterns, ignoring our intuition, feeling disconnected from our true selves, and in relationships with people who don't treat us as well as we deserve.

We're officially at the end of Season 2! It's been an incredible 8 weeks with you all exploring INFJs and romantic relationships. I'm so grateful to everyone asking questions and for all the messages, I love you all so much!I'll be taking a break before Season 3, but please feel free to reach out and connect with me on Instagram or email in the meantime! I haven't decided if I'll choose another themed topic or if I'll try something else, if anyone has ideas or suggestions for Season 3 topics and show format I'd love to hear from you!You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :)  Thank you SO much again to everyone, I'm so grateful to be on this journey with you and I love you all so much! Keep staying true to yourself and keep moving forward, we're always growing and improving :)~ Jillie

Come join us for Q&A Thursday #7! I included timestamps below in case you want to jump back and revisit any of these topics:0:00 | Introduction1:22 | Why it's hard for INFJs to be the one to walk away from a relationship; valuing ourselves for loyalty and commitment to our relationships (Lauren)12:33 | ESTJs and INFJs: Differences in decision-making with Te vs. Fe; how to discuss with your partner when you're not feeling heard or valued in the decision-making process (Kelsey)23:14 | Why INFJs often feel guilty after initiating a break-up; learning how to handle feelings of guilt in a healthy way without beating ourselves up or intensifying negative emotions (Damien)Thank you to everyone for asking questions and sharing your stories! We're all in this together!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please keep asking questions throughout Season 2! I love exploring these topics with you all!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Today's episode explores why break-ups can be so difficult for INFJs. Sometimes break-ups can be drawn out, but other times we'll "door slam" and completely disconnect from our emotions and our partner. Learning to stay strong in ourselves is so important, along with allowing ourselves to grieve what we've lost: Both the loss of the relationship, and the loss of the future we thought we had with our partner.INFJs are also at risk of overanalyzing what went wrong in the relationship, especially if our partner broke up with us. It's so important for us to lean on other people for support, and to not allow ourselves to slide into Ni-Ti loop. No matter your break-up situation, please allow yourself to experience whatever you're going through with kindness and compassion toward yourself.Thank you to everyone for being with me on this journey throughout Season 2!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Join us for Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about this episode or any area of romantic relationships, I want to hear them!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Come join us for Q&A Thursday #6! I included timestamps below in case you want to jump back and revisit any of these topics: 0:00 | Introduction0:40 | The reasons why people with anxious attachment often end up in relationships with avoidant partners; why avoidant partners pull away in relationships and struggle with intimacy (Monique)13:33 | Why avoidant partners are the ones in control of the relationship: The communication frequency, emotional connection, and progression of the relationship (Shara)24:00 | Gender differences between women and men with anxious or avoidant attachment styles; the reasons why you're more likely to encounter avoidant people while dating vs. people with secure or anxious attachment (Patrick)33:47 | The reasons why avoidant partners seem more loving and secure in the beginning of a relationship, only to pull away after a few months due to fear of commitment (Lexi)Thank you to everyone for asking questions and sharing your stories! We're all in this together!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please keep asking questions throughout Season 2! I love exploring these topics with you all!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Today's episode explores why INFJs have difficulty with expectations in our relationships. Our Ni (introverted intuition) naturally looks to the future, and we often have an idealistic vision of how we believe our relationships should be. This can be a strength of INFJs, but it can also lead to us putting unhealthy pressure on ourselves and other people.It is important that we learn the difference between accepting a situation vs. agreeing with it. Learning to hold two seemingly opposing truths simultaneously is a skill that allows us to accept our circumstances and our relationships, even when they are less than ideal.When we connect with our Se (extraverted sensing) function we are able to stay present and accept a situation for what it is, even when we don't agree with it. Accepting that we do not have control over other people's beliefs or decisions is actually empowering for us, because we're no longer expending energy over things outside our control.No matter your situation, please remember to accept where you are in the process without resisting or trying to change it. It is only when we accept ourselves for who we are that we open up space and allow true change to occur.Next week we'll be talking about navigating break-ups, and how to cope when romantic relationships come to an end. Thank you to everyone for being with me on this journey throughout Season 2!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Join us for Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about this episode or any area of romantic relationships, I want to hear them!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Come join us for Q&A Thursday #5! I included timestamps below in case you want to jump back and revisit any of these topics: 0:00 | Introduction0:50 | Moving from anxious attachment into secure attachment: Recognizing triggers, labeling feelings, thoughts, and beliefs; communicating with our partner when anxiety flares up, and the importance of our partner's response (Heather)16:45 | How to navigate a relationship that feels emotionally lopsided (having feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way) (Cody)30:14 | Sexual desire, emotional connection, and validation; exploring different love languages; how to handle and communicate differences in sex drive between partners (Rachael)41:46 | Long-distance relationship with an ISTP: How to communicate our needs when our partner isn't listening or responding to our requests (Sophie)Thank you to everyone for asking questions and sharing your stories! We're all in this together!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please keep asking questions throughout Season 2! I love exploring these topics with you all!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Today we are discussing attachment styles. Attachment styles are the different ways that we relate to and connect with our partner in romantic relationships. There are 4 attachment styles:Secure (low anxiety, low avoidance): You are comfortable with emotional intimacy, and you feel connected with your partner. You don't feel overly anxious, nor do you avoid or push away intimacy. You communicate your needs effectively, you are attuned to the needs of your partner, and you are responsive and supportive to your partner's attachment needs.Anxious (high anxiety, low avoidance): You desire intimacy and emotional closeness with your partner. However, you are fearful of abandonment, and feel distressed if you sense that your partner might be pulling away. You're more likely to become preoccupied worrying about your partner's intentions and behaviors, and you're more likely to seek reassurance from your partner when you're feeling insecure.Avoidant (low anxiety, high avoidance): You feel uncomfortable with intimacy and emotional closeness. You "keep people at arm's length" and avoid commitment or becoming invested in the relationship. You are more likely to value your independence, and to pull away when your partner expresses desire for closeness. You're more likely to criticize or dismiss the feelings of your partner, in an effort to maintain distance. Disorganized (high anxiety, high avoidance): This attachment style is marked by significant fearfulness, typically due to childhood trauma. You desire intimacy and closeness, but you also feel the need to maintain distance to protect yourself from being hurt. This may come across as a "Come here! Go away!" push-pull dynamic. You struggle to trust people, and you often feel confused or conflicted in relationships. You're more likely to experience feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and low sense of self worth.If you'd like to learn your attachment style, you can take a questionnaire validated for adults here.I recommend the book "Attached" by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller if you are interested in learning more about attachment styles, along with strategies to manage anxious and avoidant attachments and move toward security.I also recommend following thesecurerelationship on Instagram, she creates amazing content for people with all attachment styles. An awesome example is this post!I'm so excited for us to continue on this journey of building connected relationships together throughout Season 2!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Join us for Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about this episode or any area of romantic relationships, I want to hear them!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Come join us for Q&A Thursday #4! I included timestamps below in case you want to jump back and revisit any of these topics:0:00 | Introduction0:33 | Exploring Ti decision-making, love and appreciation languages for T types vs. F types, learning to speak your partner's language (Katrina)6:45 | Ti types value independence and resist outside influence with decisions; reasons why Ti types (INTP, ISTP) and INFJs can trigger each other when discussing decisions9:14 | Technique #1 for communicating with T types: Asking questions starting with "what" or "how" instead of "why" to help you gather information without triggering defensiveness13:54 | Technique #2 for communicating with T types: Labeling emotions with phrases such as "it seems like you're feeling ___" or "it sounds like you're feeling ___" instead of using "I feel ___" statements (end of Katrina) 21:08 | How to handle when your partner criticizes you or compares you to them; learning to stay true to yourself and assert your right to be unique/different from your partner (Shelly)29:58 | Dating: How to handle when you want a long-term relationship, but the other person wants to keep things casual/non-exclusive. Will the other person come around eventually? (Jacob)37:26 | Dating: How to stay out of the "friend-zone" when you're interested in a long-term relationship with someone (Travis)Thank you to everyone for asking questions and sharing your stories! We're all in this together!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please keep asking questions throughout Season 2! I love exploring these topics with you all!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Today we are discussing attachment needs in relationships. There are many types of attachment needs, but a few important needs include: Emotional and physical safety, feeling validated and valued by your partner, feeling accepted, emotional connection and intimacy, vulnerability, empathy, mutual trust and respect, and relational repair. Some of these needs can be fulfilled by your partner, and some needs we can meet for ourselves. It's important to remember that no one is able to meet our needs 100% of the time, so we need to check our expectations and make sure we're communicating openly rather than avoiding conflict and simmering in resentment. It's also important to remember that disagreements and conflict in relationships are not only inevitable, but they are actually healthy. The mindset and attitude that we bring into disagreements or arguments is critical to ensuring that we don't fall into conflict avoidance and people pleasing. Exploring your attachment needs (and revisiting them!) with your partner helps you to feel more connected as you work through challenges together. If you are both committed to this growth process then you'll have a strong foundation for a fulfilling and connected relationship! Next week we'll be exploring attachment styles, which are the different ways that we relate to and connect with our partner in romantic relationships. I'm so excited for us to continue on this journey of building connected relationships together throughout Season 2!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Join us for Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about this episode or any area of romantic relationships, I want to hear them! I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships. You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything! My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone. You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Come join us for Q&A Thursday #3! I included timestamps below in case you want to jump back and revisit any of these topics: 0:00 | Introduction 1:52 | Learning to trust again after being hurt in the past, opening up and being vulnerable while dating someone new (Teresa) 12:21 | Fe development in long-term relationships: Setting boundaries around needing time to recharge, prioritizing self-care while also empathizing with your partner's feelings, avoiding the INFJ tendency to try and make people feel better so that we don't have to feel guilty (Marc) 22:25 | Ni-Ti loop: Feeling isolated, stuck, and alone after being laid off from work, leveraging INFJ cognitive functions with intention to break out of the loop, starting with small actions to get un-stuck and gain momentum (Abbie) 34:37 | Online dating: Benefits for introverts, deciding how long to exchange messages before asking for an in-person date, handling insecurity and fears of rejection (Anthony) Thank you SO much everyone for asking such vulnerable, in-depth, and thought-provoking questions!! I admire all of your willingness to be open and share your stories, please keep them coming! We all love and support you, and we're all in this together! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please keep asking questions throughout Season 2! I love exploring these topics with you all! I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships. You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcast Feel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything! My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone. You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!! ~ Jillie

Today we are exploring our romantic partner: the second pillar of building healthy, connected relationships. INFJs can sometimes experience blurred boundaries and confusion between our own identity and the identity of our romantic partner. It is important that each person is separate and feels whole, so that healthy connection can develop without the partners becoming codependent. Here are some questions you can explore as you reflect on your partner: If you are dating: What are you looking for in a partner? What have you liked or disliked about past partners? Have there been any unhealthy patterns or tendencies you've had in your past relationships? Are there certain character traits or values that a potential partner must have? Are there any "deal-breakers" or red flags you want to avoid?If you are in a relationship: What do you most value in your partner? Are there areas of friction you often experience in your relationship? How do you navigate disagreements and conflict?Is your partner aware of their needs and the ways they contribute to the relationship?Are you both fully committed to growth and your relationship?It's important that we approach this exercise with an energy of curiosity, openness, and playfulness! Exploring these areas (and revisiting them!) with your partner helps you to feel more connected as you work through challenges together. If you are both committed to this process, then you have a strong foundation for an incredible and connected relationship! In our next episode we will explore the final pillar: the bridge of connection and understanding between partners. The bridge is strengthened by communication, learning what you both need, and navigating the terrain as you move through daily life toward your desired future together. I'm so excited for us to continue on this journey of building connected relationships together throughout Season 2!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Join us for Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about this episode or any area of romantic relationships, I want to hear them!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!!~ Jillie

Come join us for Q&A Thursday #2! I included timestamps below in case you want to jump back and revisit any of these topics: 0:00 | Introduction2:46 | Taking care of our partners emotionally, exploring signs of codependence vs. interdependence (Tina, Samantha)12:02 | How to handle feelings of intense attraction while dating or in early relationships, building a relationship foundation (Cody)22:40 | Deciding how often to text or message someone while dating, reframing rejection, and showing up with confidence if we're interested in someone (Cody)33:32 | Dating men who are emotionally unavailable, trusting our intuition when a person's words and actions are not aligned (Christina)40:02 | Introverts dating extraverts, learning how to communicate our needs and setting boundaries (Anna)48:24 | How J and P types can communicate our different preferences with planning vs. spontaneity (Leah)55:15 | INFJs struggling with trust issues, learning how to balance vulnerability with safety (Jerrika)1:01:15 | Is it okay to discuss MBTI when you're dating someone new? (Serenity)Thank you SO much everyone for asking amazing questions!! You are all rocking it and I'm having so much fun connecting with you!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please keep asking questions throughout Season 2! I love exploring these topics with you all!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!!~ Jillie

Today we are diving into self-discovery: the first pillar of building healthy, connected relationships. As INFJs we often are so focused on emotionally caring for our partner that we forget about our own needs! We also sometimes minimize or downplay our needs because we fear being rejected, feeling like a burden, or being perceived as needy. INFJs greatly desire to feel *understood* in relationships. It's important to acknowledge that feeling understood also means feeling loved and accepted, AND that we must first offer compassion to ourselves before we can hope to receive it from a partner.The first step to feeling understood by our partner is to get to know ourselves better. Today's episode looks at some practical ways we can discover and learn more about ourselves.The different life areas we can explore and prioritize include:HealthSpiritualityFun or RecreationWork (business or career)RomanceFamilyFriendsPersonal DevelopmentFinancesEducationVolunteeringCommunityI recommend choosing 4-6 priority areas for this exercise.We can also explore our personal values. I believe that values help to bridge the gap between who you *are* and what you *do.* Values can help to guide our decisions, so that we make decisions that are right for us and not only decisions based on the feelings and needs of other people. The different values discussed in this episode include:HonestyIntegrityGrowthCommitmentConnectionCompassionResilienceHumorReliabilityFollow-throughPlayfulnessTrustworthinessThere are hundreds of values, these are just a few examples! I recommend choosing 5-10 values and using them as a compass to guide your daily actions and choices. Finally, we explore the different levels of personal fulfillment, which include:Requirements (survival): Basic physiologic and safety requirementsNeeds (wellbeing): We won't die without them, but we will operate at a deficitWants (quality of life): Starting to move from neutral to positive; having our wants met increases our life satisfactionDesires (fulfillment, inspiration, pleasure): Activities or sources of joy that move us from neutral to positive Please take the time to journal and reflect on these areas: It is only by deeply knowing, understanding, and accepting ourselves that we can receive these areas of meaningful depth and connection from our romantic relationships!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Join us for Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about this episode or any area of romantic relationships, I want to hear them!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!!~ Jillie

Today is our first Q&A Thursday! I included timestamps below in case you want to jump back and revisit any of these topics:0:00 | Introduction2:16 | MBTI type compatibility: INFJ & ISTP; Jillie's thoughts about type compatibility (Sarah)10:19 | Dating anxiety, overanalyzing in early relationships (Ashlyn)16:35 | Letting go of the need to "fix" ourselves before pursuing a romantic relationship (Cassandra, Jonathan)31:54 | INFJs having difficulty telling if someone is flirting or romantically interested in us (Jonathan)Thank you sooo much to everyone who asked questions! There are a few questions (from Cody, Tina, and Samantha) that I saved for next Q&A Thursday, I promise to answer them in depth next time! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please keep asking questions throughout Season 2! I love exploring these topics with you all!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships.You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything!My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) I love you all!!~ Jillie

We are kicking off Season 2 today, and it's all about romantic relationships! As INFJs we greatly value our relationships, particularly with a romantic partner. We often prioritize meaningful connection and depth in our relationships, and we have high expectations of ourselves and our partners.  However, the nature of being an INFJ comes with some unique challenges when navigating relationships: We often struggle with anxiety, overthinking, and self-doubt, along with difficulty understanding ourselves and our partners. This can lead to us feeling disconnected in our relationships, which impedes and obstructs us from building the meaningful relationships that we crave. We'll be diving into topics such as emotional intensity, anxious attachment, self-sabotage, and getting stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns. We'll also tackle tough topics such as fear of rejection, overanalyzing our partner's words and actions, and learning how to ask for the things we need without feeling like a burden. In this episode we discuss the 3 pillars of healthy, connected relationships: 1) Self ~ Learning more about yourself and building self-awareness.2) Partner ~ Exploring what you desire in a partner (or what you enjoy about your current partner), what your emotional needs are, and alignment of values.3) Relationship ~ Using *understanding* to build a bridge of connection and growth between you and your partner, and how to navigate daily life to build a bridge toward your desired future. Building each of these pillars provides a strong foundation for you to feel connected, confident, and secure in yourself, with your partner, and in your relationship. I'm sooo excited for us to explore the ways we can use MBTI to help you feel empowered and confident in your ability to connect with your partner on the deepest level! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~We're going to start something new this season ~ Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about relationships throughout Season 2, I want to hear them!I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any questions you have about INFJs and relationships. You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcast Feel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything! My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you! It's so important for us to be here for each other, and to know we're never alone. You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :) Special thanks to Jonathan for reaching out and inspiring this entire season! You rock! I love you all!!~ Jillie

Hello everyone! Season 2 starts on Monday, August 15th, whoo hoo! Season 2 is all about romantic relationships! I've received the most questions about INFJs and relationships, so we're taking a relationship deep dive during Season 2 (and I'm SO excited!!)We'll continue having episodes on Monday and Thursday, with a small change: Monday's episode will be about a specific topic, and we're going to try out something new ~ Q&A Thursdays! If you have questions about relationships throughout Season 2, I want to hear them!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I created a form on the INFJ Growth website where you can submit any question you'd like about INFJs and relationships. You can find the form here: infjgrowth.com/podcastFeel free to ask questions at any time during Season 2, and I'll answer them on an upcoming Q&A Thursday! Ask me anything! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If you know your partner's MBTI type please feel free to share (but no worries if not!) You can also ask questions about INFJ compatibility with other types, or ask about dating and navigating new relationships. Feel free to ask me anything at all and give as many details as you'd like, I promise I'll read everything! My goal is for us to explore real life examples using the cognitive function toolbox to help you navigate your relationships with self-awareness, clarity, and confidence!Please don't hesitate to reach out and connect with me directly if you have any relationship episode topics you'd like to hear during Season 2!You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :)I love you all!!~ Jillie

We're wrapping up Season 1 in today's episode! I'll be taking a short break and preparing for Season 2, I'll be back on August 11 to announce a small change to the show format (I'm SO excited for it!!) Please feel free to send me a DM on Instagram or an email with any topics or questions in the meantime, I love you all!! ~Jillie~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Today's episode is all about boundaries! For the longest time I believed that boundaries are meant to be walls: Impenetrable fortresses that protect us from being hurt by other people. I've since learned that boundaries are actually quite a bit more complicated!Boundaries are tools that allow us to balance taking care of ourselves with our natural empathy and desire to care for others. Boundaries are meant to help us define and create separation between ourselves and other people. INFJs can struggle with differentiating ourselves from others due to our extraverted feeling (Fe) auxiliary function. We are closely connected to the feelings of other people, yet we are much less aware of our own feelings. Therefore, it makes sense that we struggle to differentiate and separate our own feelings from the feelings of other people.INFJs often struggle with setting boundaries due to our own feelings of guilt, and worrying that we are upsetting other people or letting them down when we need to reinforce a boundary. Learning the skill of "distress tolerance" helps us to strengthen our ability to cope with our feelings of guilt and fear as we practice setting and reinforcing boundaries with others.This episode is a deep dive into how INFJs can start practicing these skills, and in doing so, also begin learning how to value ourselves and treat ourselves with the same respect, compassion, and empathy that we readily offer to others.I'd love to hear your perspectives and experiences if any of the topics in this episode resonated with you. It is SO important that we connect and share our experiences so that we can grow together, and to remember that we are never alone.You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :)I love you all!!~ Jillie

INFJs often experience hardship or trauma early in life, and it can shape our identity as we grow up. We're often taught that our value as a person lies in our ability to take care of people, and to make other people happy.This can lead to people pleasing, prioritizing other people over ourselves, and neglecting our own needs. Over time we can begin to lose sight of who we really are, without the constant distraction of caring for others.When we reach mid-life INFJs can sometimes experience an identity crisis, where we struggle to define our sense of self (and our self-worth) outside of how much we can help others or make them happy.When everything we thought we were is stripped away, we are given the opportunity to turn inward and discover who we really are, and to connect with who we truly want to be. Even if you have to burn everything to the ground and build a new identity, you still have a flame flickering inside you. Tend to it. Care for it. Nurture it.Today I give you permission to slow down, to turn inward, and to work on YOU. Because you matter. You are worthy. You are valuable. Exactly as you are

Personal growth takes us on a journey of ups, downs, and everything in between. For a long time I believed that “hitting rock bottom” was the hardest thing we can experience in life… but I've  realized that sometimes it's even scarier once we‘ve made a little forward progress and realize how much we were struggling at our lowest point. I wanted to share this perspective for anyone who's gone through a similar experience of feeling overwhelmed and terrified after a period of being stuck, and to let you know that you're not alone

During times of prolonged stress, INFJs can be taken over by our inferior function extraverted sensing (Se). These episodes of “Se grip” can cause us to feel like a different person, moving a million miles an hour and unable to slow down.Se grip can also occur suddenly after a long period of Ni-Ti loop, when our brain delivers a “jolt” psychologically to break us out of analysis paralysis or extreme introversion.It is often quite difficult to recognize these episodes when they are happening, and sometimes we can experience them differently depending on other factors going on in our lives.It is important that we learn to be compassionate toward ourselves after realizing we are in an episode of Se grip. Learning to value difficult experiences as sources of learning, growth, and resilience has been incredibly helpful for me as I've moved throughout my own life.I'd love to hear your perspectives and experiences if any of the topics in this episode resonated with you. It is SO important that we connect and share our experiences so that we can grow together, and to remember that we are never alone.Follow me on Instagram and shoot me a message with your thoughts on this episode, or let me know if you have any topics you'd like me to explore on a future episode! I'd love to hear from you!You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :)I love you all!!~ Jillie

There are many different things in our external environment that can make us feel overstimulated and drain our energy: Interacting with other people, tackling challenging cognitive tasks, and handling unexpected stressful situations, among many others! These types of stimuli are processed through our extraverted sensing (Se). As our inferior function, using Se for long periods of time without recharging can lead to feeling chronically stressed, irritable, and exhausted. As INFJs one of our greatest priorities is to protect our energy while navigating daily life. I always imagine myself waking up with an "energy battery" each morning, and I try to stay mindful throughout the day about activities or stimuli that either boost or drain my energy. This is especially true of distractions that "split" my focus while I'm working (email and phone notifications are two major culprits!).It is SO important for us to manage our energy in every area: Psychologically, emotionally, mentally, socially, physical health, etc.What is your relationship with your energy battery? Do you stay aware of your energy levels throughout the day, or are you neglecting yourself?Please remember to take time to yourself to rest and recharge your battery, and remember that self care is never selfish :)Follow me on Instagram and shoot me a message with your thoughts on this episode, or let me know if you have any topics you'd like me to explore on a future episode! I'd love to hear from you!You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :)I love you all!!~ Jillie

INFJs can struggle with taking people's words personally, especially if the person says something hurtful or critical. We naturally use our inferior extraverted sensing (Se) to absorb external information, then we internalize and "read into" the underlying meaning with our dominant introverted intuition (Ni). This can lead to us misinterpreting what people actually meant, or even worse: Judging ourselves and allowing our self-worth to be determined by the words of other people. But there's good news: We have more control than we realize! What I love about MBTI is that it gives us a cognitive function toolkit. We have the power to choose which perceiving function we would like to use in any given situation: Ni or Se. Mindfully choosing to use Se rather than Ni allows us to stay present and connected to the other person in our conversations, rather than being swept away by our own internal thoughts and emotions.We also discuss how important it is for us to have a sense of humor in our relationships! We can learn to let go of people's comments and opinions about us by using what I call "Se buffers" ~ Humor, physical exercise, outdoor activity, music, social interactions, or enjoyable hobbies can all be used to create space in our lives. Se buffers are powerful tools to ensure that people's opinions do not integrate into our self-image or our inherent value as a person. I'd love to hear if other INFJs have specific habits or techniques to buffer the words and opinions of other people! Follow me on Instagram and shoot me a message with your thoughts on this episode, or let me know if you have any topics you'd like me to explore on a future episode! You can connect with me at instagram.com/infj.growth, or send an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com :)Special thanks to Alex for reaching out and requesting this episode topic! You rock!I love you all!!~ Jillie

INFJs highly value emotional connection and depth with our close relationships. We naturally invest a lot of energy into nurturing intimacy with our partners and people close to us, so we can struggle with navigating relationships when we don't receive that same effort back in return. INFJs are especially at risk of this happening when we are in a close relationship with a partner who uses Thinking (especially Ti) as their preferred decision-making function. It is critical for us to learn how to handle disappointment in a healthy way by communicating with the other person, rather than putting up walls to protect ourselves from being hurt. We can develop our healthy Fe function by learning how to differentiate our own emotions from the feelings of others, and by practicing setting boundaries rather than pulling away and using Ti to distance ourselves from our partner.  I'd love to hear how other INFJs navigate intimacy with their close relationships, especially if you happen to know your partner's MBTI type! Follow me on Instagram and shoot me a message, I'd love to hear your story and personal experience! ~ instagram.com/infj.growthOr, send me an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com! I'd love to hear from you :)I created a PDF companion guide and included some journal prompts you can use to explore your relationship with your personal goals, your close relationships, and your future vision.Check it out here! ~ infjgrowth.com/guideI love you all!!~ Jillie

INFJs often struggle with over-analyzing and getting stuck in our heads, especially with our close relationships. When we are unable to use our healthy Fe (extraverted feeling) decision-making function, we are left to analyze and attempt to make decisions with our Ti (introverted thinking) function.INFJs naturally seek emotional closure in our relationships, so if a conversation or disagreement is left open-ended we will often analyze and attempt to gain closure by thinking about it. This can lead to over-reliance on our introverted functions, causing us to become "stuck" in a loop of analyzing the actions/intentions of other people and looking for the deeper meaning.When Ni-Ti loop continues unchecked for long periods of time, we can become disconnected and cut off from our closest relationships, leaving us feeling helpless and alone.It is SO important for us to recognize when we're stuck in Ni-Ti loop, and to understand that emotions/feelings are never logical and that thinking about them only increases our uncertainty.It is not our fault that our brains are naturally wired this way, but it is ultimately our responsibility to learn how to respond to emotional triggers in ways that are healthy for us.I'd love to hear if any other INFJs out there struggle with these issues too! Follow me on Instagram and shoot me a message, I'd love to hear your story and personal experience! ~ instagram.com/infj.growthOr, send me an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com! I'd love to hear from you :)I created a PDF companion guide and included some journal prompts you can use to explore your relationship with your personal goals, your close relationships, and your future vision.Check it out here! ~ infjgrowth.com/guideI love you all!!~ Jillie

INFJs often feel like outsiders, especially in a world that greatly values concrete measurable logic over intangible intuition. If we're not careful, we can fall into the habit of believing that we need to explain our every decision in order for our opinions to be valued by other people.This is especially true if our partners are ST or NT types, because they naturally prioritize data and analysis when making decisions. As NF types we shine brightest when we are are exploring future perspectives and possibilities. The world needs us. It is SO important that we learn to value our own unique perspectives, and to share our beliefs with confidence. I'd love to hear if any other INFJs out there struggle with these issues too! Follow me on Instagram and shoot me a message, I'd love to hear your story and personal experience! ~ instagram.com/infj.growthOr, send me an email to jillie@infjgrowth.com! I'd love to hear from you :)I created a PDF companion guide and included some journal prompts you can use to explore your relationship with your personal goals, your close relationships, and your future vision.Check it out here! ~ infjgrowth.com/guideI love you all!!~ Jillie

In this episode we explore why INFJs thrive with external goals, and why our NJ functions have the potential for us to be incredibly powerful at working toward and achieving our goals.INFJs feel deeply connected to our purpose when we are actively making progress toward our goals and serving others, and when we can see evidence of our own growth and transformation on our personal life journeys.As INFJs living in a busy world of Se overstimulation, it is important that we maintain balance between our Ni / Se perceiving functions by regularly scheduling alone time to connect with our healthy Ni function.I created a PDF companion guide and included some journal prompts you can use to explore your relationship with your personal goals, your close relationships, and your future vision.Check it out here! infjgrowth.com/guideLearning how your brain processes information is the first step to understanding yourself, so you can start making the changes you desire in every area of your life!Come join our community on Instagram! We're stronger together!instagram.com/infj.growth

Come join me as we take a deep dive into the four functions in the INFJ cognitive stack! Understanding our introverted and extraverted functions helps to raise our awareness, so we can maintain psychological balance between our internal and external worlds.  Here are the INFJ cognitive functions we're exploring in this episode:Ni = Introverted iNtuition ~ Dominant FunctionFe = Extraverted Feeling ~ Auxiliary FunctionTi = Introverted Thinking ~ Tertiary FunctionSe = Extraverted Sensing ~ Inferior FunctionI created a PDF companion guide detailing the cognitive functions, it goes perfectly with this episode! I also included some journal prompts you can use to explore your relationship with your different cognitive functions. Check it out here! infjgrowth.com/guideWe also discuss the reasons why INFJs can become social chameleons, simultaneously feeling connected yet still separated from the people around us. Prioritizing alone time to recharge and process information is critical for INFJs to maintain optimal mental and physical health.Learning how your brain processes information is the first step to understanding yourself, so you can start making the changes you desire in every area of your life!Come join our community on Instagram! We're stronger together!instagram.com/infj.growth

Today we're exploring the different letters of MBTI personality types! These letters indicate different ways that we collect information from the outside world, and how we make decisions and navigate the world around us.Extraversion vs. Introversion ~ E /ISensing vs. iNtuition ~ S/NThinking vs. Feeling ~ T/FJudging vs. Perceiving ~ J/P INFJs have a dominant iNtuition perceiving function, and an auxiliary Feeling judging function used to make decisions based on the feelings and values of other people. We also discuss common misconceptions about personality descriptions, and why we can't accurately assess someone's type based on their actions or behaviors.Learning how your brain processes information is the first step to understanding yourself, so you can start making the changes you desire in every area of your life!If you'd like to download a companion guide detailing the cognitive functions, check it out here: infjgrowth.com/guideCome join our community on Instagram! We're stronger together!instagram.com/infj.growth

Today we're diving deep into the world of Cognitive Function Theory! Personality types are not meant to stick you into a boring generic box. Learning how your brain processes information is the first step to understanding yourself, so you can start making the changes you desire in every area of your life! If you'd like to download a companion guide detailing the cognitive functions, check it out here: infjgrowth.com/guideCome join our community on Instagram! We're stronger together! instagram.com/infj.growth