Podcast appearances and mentions of stuart fensterheim

Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week Stuart is lightening things up with a podcast on how humor and positivity can create an attitude and purpose in your relationship that will transform your lives. Gratitude and appreciation are key ingredients in a loving relationship. Ways of showing love are showing appreciation, sharing your feelings, making your partner feel special and making them feel important. Small changes in behavior such as showing affection, a simple hug and kiss makes a huge difference. You can't compel someone to do this; it has to come from the heart. We can ask for what we need and when our partner gives it to us, we need to recognize that as a huge step forward from what your relationship dynamic might have been in the past. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Ways to show gratitude to your partner  [7:09] Courting behavior and what it does for you as a couple [19:05] Learning the love language in multi-media [20:10] Sharing your passions and hobbies [24:30] Humor and keeping life fun [30:55] Couples Weekend: The Two Days and 7 Conversations Weekend sponsors The Couples Experts Podcast. This couple's weekend is not a retreat but a learning experience for you and your partner to connect and communicate in a deeper and more authentic way. Sign up now for our December weekend! Go to the link for the weekend on the website: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/ Subscribe: You can subscribe to The Couples Expert Podcast on iTunes. Stuart would love it if you'd write a review or suggest a future topic. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 The Couples Expert Wants To Hear From You! Email: You can email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com and tell him about your relationship, ask questions or suggest a guest or future topic for the show. Stuart reads and responds to each and every email. Thank you so much for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. We hope today's show has been helpful and meaningful to you. Until next time, stay positive, and stay connected.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week on the show, Stuart is going to discuss the pain and consequences of financial infidelity. This kind of relationship injury has an incredible impact on a couple.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is an encore episode of our show. Stuart talks about coping with separation issues in your relationship related to work. How do we keep a close and connected relations

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 146 of our show. We're so happy that you're here with us for the show. Today Stuart is discussing an all too common scenario for couples: When two people in a committed relationship end up living like roommates instead of lovers.  Listen in while Stuart addresses this familiar problem. Stuart often talks about the significance of 6 years. That's the average amount of time that couples live with their problems before they seek help from a relationship counselor. Those 6 years can be a time of strife and conflict; or it can be a time of reducing your relationship to living as roommates. This is a terrible feeling either way. Feeling alone is so painful. What you'll learn from today's podcast: The pain of having roommates [2:25] It's painful to live without connection  [4:00] It doesn't matter how long you've been together [8:20] Hallway sex- Where's the passion? [9:04] Why you need to keep passion a priority [10:40] How to keep it interesting; keep your partner in mind  [12:12] No one wants a roommate when they can have a great love   [22:25]   If you're living separate lives, you aren't working on your relationship TWEET THIS   If you're living separate lives, you aren't working on your relationship. In order to keep the passion and the love alive, you must make your relationship the priority. Spend time together, have adventures and make memories.  It's all about the connection and keeping that passion for your life together.  Keeping that emotional connection is the only way to keep your relationship from deteriorating into roommate status. We cannot assume our partner knows how important they are to us. We have to never take them for granted, and to always let them know that they are the most important person in life to us. Invest your time and care into your relationship. Surprise your partner, send them gifts, show them that you're thinking of them. Court them, keep the romance alive. In order to avoid the roommate feeling you have to keep the passion alive. Take your partner and get away a couple of times a year. Date nights once a month, or more often as possible. These things are crucial to avoiding the roommate issue. It doesn't matter how busy you are, you can find the time if it's important to you. Don't make excuses, don't cop out. This is important. Treat your relationship with the care and concern it deserves. Be kind and sweet to one another and keep your emotional connection strong. It takes commitment on both your parts. It's not always easy, but it's so worth it. Subscribe: You can subscribe to The Couples Expert Podcast on iTunes. Stuart would love it if you'd write a review or suggest a future topic. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 The Couples Expert Wants To Hear From You! Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Relationship check ups are important! Find one here: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up Thank you for spending part of your day with us. Until next time, stay connected!

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim The Couples Expert. Stuart is going to speak today about what it means to be a good partner in your relationship. About ways to assess if you're being a good partner, and if your partner is being good to you. After all, it takes both of you contributing to the relationship in equal measure in order for you to have a true partnership where you both feel loved and important.  Stuart talks about the life of his Mother in Law Lolita who passed away last week. Stuart always felt included and loved and was brought quickly into the family when he and Debbie married. She and her husband were married for 64 years. Stuart is dedicating this podcast to her memory. We know there's no perfect marriage. Every couple creates their own love story.What needs to be there is a passion for making your partner happy and for being the perfect partner for them. You see your partner's happiness is as important (or more so) than your own.  Today Stuart will have you take a look at your own relationship, and what kind of partner you are in your own love story. Are you the right partner in your relationship? Let's take a look. What you'll learn from today's podcast: The best partners make the relationship a top priority in their lives  [7:35] Respect and consideration (sensitivity) for your partner's feelings is more important that getting your way or winning an argument  [8:39] Do you spend your time effort and energy on your relationship? What about romance and emotional connection? [11:58] The best partners let small issues go. Do you hold onto resentments and keep score? [14:24] What would conflict look like for you and your partner? [16:22] Why controlling your emotions is needed instead of getting angry, bringing up the past, threatening to divorce, or escalating an issue [18:24] Why you need to be a good listener. Are you hearing what your partner is trying to tell you ? [25:09] A good partner shares in and is supportive of what their partner is interested in [28:57] A good partner is affectionate and makes sure their partner's needs for touch and sexuality are taken care of [31:00] All of these ingredients are here for each of you to evaluate your relationship and yourself as a partner. Would you give yourself a high score, or are you seeing some things you need to work on? Take the Are you a good partner quiz! Take the test for yourself and one for your partner. Then you both need to have a conversation about what it is about your relationship that can be improved. Don't be critical, but be positive in learning that you can dedicate yourselves to improving the kind of partner you are to one another. Thank you for joining us on The Couples Expert podcast. We're glad you're here. Come back next week for another episode with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Until then, be a good partner, and stay connected! Sponsored by Stuarts daily notes: If you could improve your relationship in just 5 minutes a day, would you? I think you would. Stuart is offering his Stuart's Daily Notes to subscribers to give you real tips and sound advice on being the best partners you can be. Learn more and subscribe here:  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe: You can subscribe to The Couples Expert Podcast on iTunes. Stuart would love it if you'd write a review or suggest a future topic. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 The Couples Expert Wants To Hear From You! Email: You can email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com and tell him about your relationship, ask questions or suggest a guest or future topic for the show. Stuart reads and responds to each and every email. Thank you so much for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. We hope today's show has been helpful and meaningful to you. Until next time, stay positive, and stay connected.

Welcome to episode 189 of our show, this is an encore presentation. Your host Stuart Fensterheim has some insights to share with his listeners today about intimate partner relationships and sexual intimacy with your partner; specifically about banishing boredom from your bedroom.

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 188 of our show. Thank you for listening today as Stuart welcomes guest Jim Thomas back to the show.  They will be discussing sexuality, emotional intimacy, and vulnerability.     What you'll learn from today's podcast: How to resolve differences in sexual needs [4:20] Being vulnerable sexually [6:40] Emotional and intimate [8:00] How do you define what sex is? [10:50] Is kissing more intimate than sex? [12:00] What about pornography? [14:40] A man's need for more emotional intimacy [16:45] Average sex is good too [24:00] Use different approaches to sex [28:30] When to talk about your sexual desires and needs [31:45] Discover your sexuality [40:30] Throw the rules out [41:45]   What we want is to have a fun, loving, caring, vulnerable experience for two people who care about one another, an experience you don't share with anyone else. Trust your partner, and that both of you want to feel loved and important to each other.   Until next time, Stay Connected   The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by:  Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!    Learn More: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com   Next time on The Couples Expert Podcast: Join us next time as Stuart discusses how childhood affects our relationships.

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in January of 2017.  Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. Stuart is discussing how to set realistic and meaningful relationship goals for the New Year. We all want to do better and be better and the New Year is the new beginning that many of us use as a jumping off point for furthering our goals. The Couples Experts would like to thank you for a great 2018. Take a listen while Stuart discusses some ideas for 2019. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Why we set goals instead of resolutions –[12:20] Goals are promises you make to yourself –[15:00] How to follow up and check in with your partner regularly  –[16:18] What you should include in your goal lists –[21:15] Some important suggestions for your growth as a couple. –[32:00] Share your lists and compare together  –[33:50] The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 186 of our show. Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa! Stuart wishes everyone very happy holidays. This year Stuart wants you and your partner to have a holiday season filled with love, togetherness and connection. Today is a really special episode, because today Stuart is taking everyone on a magical journey today. A special journey of attachment, and acceptance, one of vulnerability and love. Visit a strange land where you will be meeting people as the most authentic version of yourself. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Wearing masks [3:45] Recognizing when you are not being your best [5:00] Acknowledge your partner's experience [9:00] Open the door to Attachmentland [11:00] Stop thinking you have to live up to an expectation [14:00] Being authentic [16:50] Dig deep and ask yourself questions [17:30] Stop surviving, and start living [20:00] That place where you are never alone [21:00] Qualities of authentic people [26:15] There is a relaxation that occurs when you are authentic. What are the qualities of authentic people? Are you self-reflective? Are you accepting of yourself and other people? Are you able to express your emotions freely and clearly? Do you make commitments that you live up to? Do you forgive easily? There is a sense of love and giving. We treat people with kindness and respect. Be yourself everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde We want to be that person in our partner's life that they see as their best ally, their best confidant, that wouldn't hurt a fly. Until next time, Stay Connected The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Next time on The Couples Expert Podcast: Join us next time as Stuart discusses New Year's resolutions and whether or not you are a good partner.

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 185 of our show. Today Stuart is talking about boundaries in a relationship. There are many different boundaries that you can set in your life, and your relationship. Today Stuart pulls boundaries apart and helps you to learn how to set healthy boundaries in your relationship. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Are boundaries even necessary in a relationship [1:45] Boundaries should be clearly defined [3:17] What do healthy boundaries include? [6:43] Where are our limit? [8:42] Is it ok to have friends of the opposite sex? [9:20] How to set limits with your partner [12:02] Emotional affairs [15:17] Unconditional love [19:10] Honesty [20:30] Self-control [23:10] Looking inwardly [25:25] Learn how to forgive [26:30] Summary of boundaries [28:10] Unless your boundaries are clear, direct, and adhered to, your relationship is going to be a challenge. If you have that, your relationship will be one in which both of your feel so good about it and know that you are with that one person in the world that you get to spend the rest of your life with. Until next time, Stay Connected The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by:  Before You Tie the Knot, 12 Essential Conversations for newlyweds to have. This is an online course with support and direction from The Couples Expert. This course makes a great shower or wedding gift. Learn More: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/12-conversations/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com This podcast was inspired in part by: 13 Boundaries Your Relationship Needs to Survive, by Ossiana Tepfenhart Next time on The Couples Expert Podcast: Join us next time as Stuart discusses authenticity, being yourself and feeling good enough.

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 184 of our show, and it is dedicated to Alvin Fensterheim. Today Stuart is talking about the importance of Father and Son relationships. The relationship between a father and son is one of the most important relationship. This relationship will lead to a good relationship with your spouse. Stuart's own Dad passed away almost 1 year ago, and his experience with the loss of that important relationship.  Stuart and his wife went to New York city recently where his Father is buried. Stuart's family spent time reflecting on his Father, Alvin's life, and the ending of a year of Shiva. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Love is the absolute most important thing you can share with your family [7:25] Teach your son about being a man, in the truest sense [9:45] Demonstrate every single day that love is pathways to having a good life [13:55] Having shared interests [16:20] You should never do anything in your life that you don't enjoy [17:38] Dedication to your family [23:13] Negativity about Grandparents needs to be off-limits [23:40] Building projects together [25:00] Demonstrate to your son, that you care about what they think and feel [26:32] As Fathers we need to focus on the positives with our sons [28:00] God picked us to be together [30:55] We are one family [32:50] Spirituality [34:12] The father and son relationship will establish that both of you feel loved and important. You are lucky to have one another. Those messages echoing back for years and years, makes your relationship really important. Have a very Happy Thanksgiving! The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: The Hold Me Tight Workshop – Presented by The Couples Expert. 2 Days and 7 Conversations that can change your life. Learn more: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com This podcast is dedicated to Alvin Fensterheim  

  Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 183 of our show. Today Stuart is talking about sexual communication inside and outside of the bedroom. This episode is for couples in a long-term committed relationship, you are there for the long-haul.  This is one of the more difficult discussion for a couple to have, and Stuart will help to make it easier. Today's podcast contains adult material, so please use discretion when listening or use your headphones! Stuart and his wife are currently on vacation in New York city. They are visiting family, enjoy the culture and people watch, as well as visit the 9/11 museum. This is a time they they spend connecting and spending time together without the distractions. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Stop expecting your partner to read your mind [4:10] Your job is to keep your partner interested [6:30] When you want to talk about your sex life, don't do it when you want to engage in sex [9:10] Give your suggestions both verbally and non-verbally [10:45] Talk about your experience [14:00] Playfulness [15:30] What turns you on? [19:20] Communicate your needs [22:30] Most men are not interested in having quick sex [23:30] No need to fake an orgasm [24:45] Steps to have a conversation about sex [26:30] Sexopoly: https://www.amazon.com/Sexopoly-Adult-Board-Couples-Friends/dp/B0035ETLJY When you are ready to have a discussion with your partner about your sex life use these steps: Tell your partner how much you care about them. Give them a clear message about what is not working for you. Choose only one area to discuss at this time. Follow up with something positive. Talk about what works really well in your sex life. Suggest that you have the conversation again in the future. Talk about how much you love being intimate with them. Do not discuss how it went with other partners. This is only about what works for the two of you. You want to discuss this in kind and loving ways. You want to show and tell your partner what you need, to bring the two of you to a pleasurable place. Really make sure your partner knows that who they are is more important than anything else, and that you are lucky to have them in your life. The two of you can accomplish anything as long as you do it together. The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: The Hold Me Tight Workshop – Presented by The Couples Expert. 2 Days and 7 Conversations that can change your life. Learn more: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Until next week, keep working, keep soul-searching and stay connected! This podcast was inspired in part by:Conscious Man, by John Grey and Arjuna ArdaghJill Donato's article on Communicating During Sex to Make it Better for Everyone

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast, with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 182 or our show. Today's episode is full of tools, tips, and Stuart's pearls of wisdom to create a marriage that will last a lifetime. Whether you had premarital counseling or not, this episode is to help you to learn how to make your relationship meaningful and significant. None of us get married to be finding ourselves in an empty, lonely relationship. Many times this happens because we don't really understand what marriage is all about. Tune in today and keep your marriage alive, passionate, and close. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Authenticity and vulnerability 2:40 You need to have a plan 7:25 Learning how to communicate with your spouse 10:40 Triggers 16:45 3 main elements of communication 19:40 How do we learn how to navigate challenges 20:45 Setting yourself up for having realistic expectations 22:25 Children 25:45 You have to work on the trust you have for each other 28:05 What is going to change with marriage? 30:20 You have to talk about everything 31:40 Social media 37:20 Money and financial planning 39:00 Sex and intimacy 40:30 The most important thing to remember about your first year of marriage is to enjoy your newlywed status. Also, memorize this: “The first year of marriage is a learning and transitional period for the rest of your life” During this first year transition, you need to be able to view your conflicts and moments of disconnection as opportunities for growth. What may seem like a complaint from your partner, can be a gold mine to learn what they need. If you work on all of these things, at the end of the day, you will be able to roll over in bed, look and your partner, smile and say “life is good.” Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Experts. We hope you enjoyed the show and take away something meaningful to your relationship. Until next time stay connected! The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Next week: Join us in two weeks as Stuart talks about how to be accountable to yourself, learning how to communicate both in and out of the bedroom. Until then, stay connected.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast, with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 181 or our show. Today, Stuart talks about the difference in sexual desire. We come together quite often with different types of libidos, but when we first get together and the passion is there. After a period of time, you settle in with your partner, and reality and the stresses of life hits. We then begin to realize that our libidos are just not the same, and the sexuality diminishes. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Difference between two different libidos [2:00] Come up with a sex number [3:00] Compromise by broadening your range of activities that are sexual [11:00] Talk about how things are going sexually for the two of you [13:00] If you have a higher sex drive, you should not take it personally if your partner has a lower libido drive [14:00] Do not be critical and negative about your partner [17:00] The cuddle hormone [18:10] Where is the compromise [20:20] Being comfortable with masterbation [21:30] You have to be really honest with one another [24:00] Quote:  “We can either jump on the trampoline, or we can just screw” 4 Tips when you have this sex drive difference: Laughter; laugh about this, not make it as serious as it might feel. Make the relationship the most important thing. You better have a relationship where your partner feels courted every day of your life. You need to stir up those romantic juices that quite often lead to more passion. Instead of complaining about a “dry spell”, divert that sexual energy into other things. Allow your relationship to have ebbs and flows, and don't let it get in the way of caring and loving of each other. Your sex life is only one aspect of your relationship, and that the two of you, together, are going to make the caring and loving you have for one another more important than any sex act or pattern. Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Experts. We hope you enjoyed the show and take away something meaningful to your relationship. Until next time stay connected! The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Annual Relationship Checkup: Sure, we get our vehicles serviced, have maintenance done on our homes, and see our local GP to make sure our bodies are in good working order, but sadly, we tend to neglect one of the most important things in our lives – the health of our relationship.  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com   *Today's podcast was inspired in part, by Jessica McCleese's article on Coping with Different libidos, and Michelle Weiner's Tips for Partner's with Higher Sex Drives.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast, with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 180 or our show. Today, Stuart talks about loving yourself despite betrayal in a relationship. Stuart will discuss 4 parts in today's podcast: How do we really define what betrayal looks like in a relationship? What does the hurt look like, feel like, and what is the experience like? What are the long-term consequences of that? How do we recover from those hurts, and how do we move on? Stuart just returned from a cruise to England, where he and his wife had a lovely holiday connecting and enjoying each other. He also spent some time thinking about this podcast, and specifically this episode. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur Greetings [0:16] How do we trust again? [2:30] Can we really see ourselves as valuable in a relationship [3:50] How do we really define betrayal? [5:50] Your partner's perception of you [14:00] Your partner becomes the means with which we define our world [15:15] What does the hurt really look like? [18:05] Am I lovable?  (Emotionally focused therapy) [22:00] Separate yourself [25:00] Grieve for the lost relationship, without blame [27:00] Finding who you are [29:50] Healing from betrayal [33:40] For many of us there are scars that we bring from our previous relationships. When we come from a significant relationship where there are betrayals, we have a difficult time trusting ourselves and our new partners. We have to find the silver lining. We have to choose happiness. The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in June of 2017.  Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. We have an unusual topic this week; first responders and the importance keeping your connection strong. If you have a first responder in your family, are married to one or have a friend who is, take a listen to the podcast today. First responders are those brave individuals who run towards danger when everyone else is running away. It takes a special kind of grit and purpose to do that kind of work. It also takes a special kind of person to be in a relationship or be married to a first responder. It can be a chaotic, sometimes lonely kind of life. Stuart talks about some of the special challenges associated with being in a relationship with a first responder. Whether they be armed forces, reserve military, police, fire or other emergency services, these special individuals give a lot of themselves to the job. The partners, families and spouses of first responders are some of the most compassionate and flexible people in the world. Listen as Stuart discusses life with a first responder partner and how to keep your relationship close and connected. What you'€™ll learn from today'€™s podcast: How religion can bridge the gap between cultures and the Jewish holiday of Shavuot at 0:57 Some of the unique challenges for first responder partners at 4:29 What'€™s needed to have a connected relationship with your first responder 7:35 How high stress affects first responders at 9:07 Why checking in is important at 11:43 Small things that you can do to stay connected at 13:20 Flexibility is important at 15:20 Thank you to all the first responders out there and to the partners that love them! You help make the world a safer place for all of us.   The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. This is episode 178 of our show. Thank you for joining us today as Stuart talks about something that we will all be facing at one time or another. You may already be there : the impact of retirement on your love relationship. How will you and your partner spend your retirement years?  Listen as Stuart talks about how to cope with this major change in your life and what you can expect while heading into this new phase of living together with your partner. Stuart just returned from a cruise with his wife. There was some worry and anxiety about going to London after the recent terror attacks there. Deciding not to let the bad guys win, they decided to go and have a great time in spite of the worry. He's renewed and refreshed and excited to be back bringing you the expert advice you've come to expect. What you'll learn from today's podcast: What it's like to be retired. Fantasy vs. Reality Stuart's dreams of retirement Why couples divorce after 50 How to stay connected into your golden years How retirement will change your life Keeping your good health is important Retirement lets you do what you want to do Make sure you're connected now Don't wait until you retire to do the work on your relationship. It's not about communication skills as much as making sure that your connection to one another is strong and healthy. Talk and plan together about your hopes and dreams for retirement.  Make sure you're in agreement and on the same page about what you want to do with this important next chapter in life. This is the time for you to enjoy the fruits of your labor. You've been working for this all these years, and now's your chance to enjoy those golden years with your loving partner by your side. You can email Stuart with your comments and suggestions at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Expert. Until next week. Stay connected!

Welcome to our encore presentation of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This episode originally aired in March of 2017. This is episode 176 of our show. Stuart's guest on the show is Marisa Cohen, A professor at St. Francis College in Brooklyn, NY and the Director of the Self-awareness and Bonding Lab. Marisa is an expert in gender differences and science of relationships. Stuart and Marisa will be discussing how online dating impacts couples and what is the possibility that online dating can lead to marriage? Thanks for tuning into The Couples Expert Podcast! What you'll learn from today's podcast: Why Marisa changed her focus to relationships in school [3:49] Attachment theory IS science- based [5:27] How online dating impacts relationships and marriage [6:43] What men and women lie about on online dating sites [11:45] Online dating sites gives socially awkward people a chance to meet people [14:09] People can feel free to be more authentic when communicating online [19:38] Marisa's book and work in the lab on the science of relationships [21:40] Understanding yourself is crucial to finding a partner you're compatible with. Opposites don't really attract, so who does? Marisa's app covers the questions you need to be asking a potential partner when you're in the “getting to know you“ phase of the relationship. These are questions about money, pets, religion, etc. The deep stuff that is going to tell you if this is truly someone you want to pursue a relationship with. Getting to forever is about how you communicate with each other. We want to thank Marisa Cohen for being on the show and for the work she's doing in New York.  We'd also like to thank you for taking part of your day to spend with The Couples Expert. Giveaway: Chapter of the book From First Kiss to Forever giveaway from Marisa Cohen for all the listeners. Stay tuned next week for another encore performance of the podcast while Stuart enjoys his much-needed and well-deserved vacation. Until then, stay connected The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in May of 2015 so please ignore the contest and the Mother's Day greetings.   Hello and welcome to this encore presentation of The Couples Expert Podcast with your host , Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Listen in as Stuart talks about emotional affairs and the impact of these on your love relationship. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Emotional infidelity can be a bigger violation than having sex with another person outside your relationship   [5:18] Definition of an emotional affair [12:04] When Harry Met Sally “Just going to be friends” [15:05] We all crave an emotional connection [16:43] When you click with someone who's not your partner [18:15] There are boundaries at work when you're married  [25:13] How we stop the affair and what comes next [31:25] There are consequences for breaking your vows [33:25] The affair has to stop, no question. You have to break off contact with that person. You can no longer spend time with them outside of a professional relationship. Understand that your partner is going to be angry and hurt and show empathy for how they're feeling. You have to communicate with your partner about the tough issues. You both have to bare your souls to one another and show your partner what you need to feel secure and safe in the relationship once again. Whatever emotional needs were being satisfied by your affair have to be discussed and you both have to work towards meeting those needs for each other within the context of your relationship. Don't ask about sexual contact between your partner and that person. Your partner has been calling this an emotional relationship, not a sexual one, so you have to believe that is the truth. Put a time limit on the amount of discussion you have about the affair. Avoid talking about it when you're overtired and upset. Things may be said that you'll regret. It's hard to forgive and nearly impossible to forget. There's work to be done on the part of both parties: hard work, unpleasant work, but if you both understand that what you're working for is the future of your relationship and the emotional connection that was missing, you'll work harder than you've ever done before. There's a guide to a true apology available to listeners. Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day with The Couples Expert. Stay tuned for another encore presentation of our podcast next week. Until then, stay connected! The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Welcome to our encore presentation of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This episode originally aired in September of 2016. This is episode 174 of our show. Stuart's guest today is Alicia Taverner. Alicia is a MFT therapist in CA working with people on trust issues and helping women find the calm within the storms in their lives. Alicia and Stuart are discussing infidelity from a female perspective. Thanks for listening. Stuart talks a bit about his passion for the work that he does and gives a run down on his past occupations and how he ended up as The Couples Expert. What you'll learn on today's podcast: Introduction to Alicia and how she became a therapist 7:31 You can't go back after an affair, you must start over 11:05 The differences Stuart has with an attachment theory approach 15:35 Therapy digs deeper to a place of vulnerability 19:25 How can you know infidelity won't happen again? 22:30 Affairs are not simply sexual 24:03 Where the apology comes in  30:35 That moment where the couple believes they can go on together 34:32 Doing therapy work (done the right way) causes personal growth on the part of the therapist. It's wonderful to know that our counselors can grow in empathy and caring through the work they do with others. Thank you again to Alicia Taverner for this great interview. Thank you to all the listeners who took time out of your day to listen to The Couples Expert. Tune in next week for another great encore presentation of The Couples Expert. Until then, stay connected!

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 173 of our show. Today Stuart talks about coping with separation issues in your relationship related to work. How do we keep a close and connected relationship with our partners when we don't get to spend a lot of time together?  Listen as Stuart discusses this important topic. There are so many fun holidays in July and Stuart wants you to celebrate them all! Aunt and Uncle's Day, Bugs Bunny's Birthday and National Chili Dog Day are all happening at the end of this month! What's your favorite holiday in July? What you'll learn from today's podcast: Codependency is a healthy part of all love relationships The division of labor changes when you're on your own It's important that you talk about the issues around being apart Technology helps us stay connected Commit to connecting daily to stay close via email, text, Skype or Facebook Make your time together important and focus on your love Video chat is great for seeing body language and non-verbal cues You shouldn't try to solve problems when you're apart Make your meetings non-negotiable, don't miss your good morning/goodnight messages Make time and make memories when you're together. Make your relationship important and have some loving date nights when you're together. When you're together make sure that you focus on the love you share, and not on the negative aspects of being frequently apart. It's equally as hard on both of you and it's a consequence of the choice you've both made to live this lifestyle for the time being.  Concentrate on connecting emotionally in a loving way when you are together and make it all about quality not quantity of the time you have together. The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart's Daily Notes can help you too!  http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Next week on The Couples Expert we'll be re-broadcasting some of our more popular episodes. Stuart is taking a break from recording for the month of August. Stay tuned for The Couples Expert to return in September with fresh new content and more expert advice on love and relationships.

Welcome back to Therapy Chat! In today’s episode host Laura Reagan, LCSW-C re-visits her interview with Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW Stuart is a clinical social worker in Scottsdale, Arizona, practicing with couples using Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which is an attachment-based couples therapy method.  In the episode, Stuart talks about how he works on making connections with couples and how our childhood attachment affects the way we show up in relationships as adults. He also touches upon John Bowlby's Attachment Theory, which focuses on your relationship with your primary caretaker and how it influences everything through your life. To make sense of this theory, he talks further about the relationship young babies have with their caretaker, avoiding failure to thrive and how the needs of a young baby to experience touch and closeness, continue with us throughout our adult life. Resources http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts http://www.iceeft.com http://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html Please consider supporting Therapy Chat by becoming a member on Patreon! Just $1 a month would make a huge impact to keep Therapy Chat going strong! To learn more: https://patreon.com/TherapyChat - members get special perks and swag too! Register now for the next Daring Way™ and Relational Equine Assisted Learning retreat: https://laurareaganlcswc.com/retreat Leave me a message via Speakpipe by going to https://therapychatpodcast.com and clicking on the green Speakpipe button. Thank you for listening to Therapy Chat! Please be sure to go to iTunes and leave a rating and review, subscribe and download episodes. You can also download the Therapy Chat app on iTunes by clicking here.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. This is episode 171 of our show. Today Stuart is going to be discussing the impact of lies and deceit on your love relationship. There's nothing more uncertain than questioning whether you can count on what your partner is telling you is the truth. Can you believe what your partner is telling you? Is your partner really there for you? What kind of relationship do you have if your partner is lying? What you'll learn from today's podcast: Trust is the foundation of the relationship 2:38 Omission is deception 4:07 Lies mean that you don't have a true partnership 7:29 You should be sharing everything together 9:28 Fear, shame or guilt is the basis for avoiding certain subjects 11:15 White lies are still lies 15:53 It's so important that you're authentic with each other. There should never be a reason that you would deceive your partner in any way. Be yourself, say what's real and you can be confident that your partner loves you no matter what. The foundation of basic trust is what's needed in the relationship. We're all flawed, we all make mistakes. You need to keep yourself open and talk to each other about everything. You shouldn't need to hide anything from your partner, because the love you have is enough for you to work through anything that may come up. Talk about everything with each other. No matter what happened in your past, you need to share with your partner. Even your difficult issues from past relationships need to be on the table so that you both know what to expect. Don't leave things unspoken. An omission is a lie. Your partner needs to know they can count on you to tell the truth. Sponsored by: The Couples Expert is sponsored by the 2 Days and 7 Conversations Hold Me Tight Weekend. Build communication and connection with your partner in this weekend workshop presented by Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/ Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com with your comments and suggestions on this and future podcasts. Stuart loves to hear from his listeners and will respond to you if you take the time to contact him. Next Week: Join us next week on The Couples Expert when Stuart welcomes guest Alana Pratt. They'll be discussing how to fall in love with yourself so that you can be a good partner for somebody else. It's all about love on The Couples Expert. We hope you'll listen in.

Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode number 170 of our show. This week, Stuart is joined by guest Mickie Zada, who runs the Surviving Abuse Network. Mickie left her abusive marriage 16 years ago after over 30 years of abuse. She helps women get out of abusive situations and begin to heal.   What you'll learn from today's podcast:   We can live in denial of  abuse for a very long time 1:41   There's so much trauma that women in abuse hold onto 3:48   It can all look perfect from the outside. It's a facade 7:54   Emotional abuse is dramatically worse than physical abuse 9:20   Be open with your kids about the abusive behavior to educate them what is right and wrong 11:19   Shame and guilt are a part of the cycle and why victims don't talk about abuse in their lives 13:38   Fear of walking away with nothing can keep women from fighting back 16:40   Financial abuse - When the abuser is controlling access to the money is a big red flag 17:47   Men are also being abused, there's so much shame that goes with that. This is not Mickie's area of expertise, as she deals primarily with women. Perhaps that is a discussion for another time? Write Stuart with your comments and questions to: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com   Recovery is possible with a great deal of personal work and personal growth. “If we don't change, nothing changes” - Your outlook and perspective have to change so your choices can change. Resist going back to your abuser! Free support, free information and education is available to learn how to make healthy choices in future relationships. Professionals can help us see who we are. We need the perspective of counselors and coaches to help us see beyond our own experiences.   Thank you so much to Mickie Zada for taking the time to share with our listeners and to all of you for spending part of your day with The Couples Expert. Contact Mickie at www.survivingabusenetwork.com   Next Week: Join Stuart next week on The Couples Expert for a discussion about truth and lies. The impact of deceit on your love relationship is huge. Listen in as Stuart discusses what it means to live in an authentic relationship with your partner.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast. Stuart is talking today about a subject you don't hear much about. It's an adult subject, so please use discretion when listening or use your headphones! This is episode 169 of our podcast. Listen as Stuart talks about using sex as a weapon or for leverage in the relationship. Have you ever done that? You'd be surprised how many couples do. Summer is here and we're all spending more time with our partners and families. Stuart recommends taking couples vacations to spend time and connect with your partner. Work on your relationships and get closer and more connected. Remember how important your intimate life is, and cultivate that.     What you'll learn from today's podcast: The impact on couples who can't be in the same space together 3:44 You need to examine your commitment if you feel like leaving your shared space  8:03 Sex is an essential ingredient to a happy and satisfying relationship 9:20 If you can be satisfied with having an unhappy partner that's the beginning of a problem 10:54 Helping you feel loved should be your partner's passion 13:15 We all need to be touched and loved; it's a part of our emotional connection 15:55 When you're taking away your partner's access to you, your relationship is in trouble 17:27   If you are using sex as a weapon it's a symptom of a far greater problem. The commitment you make in your relationship is to stay together, stay exclusively sexual with your partner and to keep yourself for them only. If you begin to use that aspect of your relationship as leverage to manipulate the relationship, you're taking something far more important than sex away from your partner. The feeling that your partner can't be trusted or you don't have them to rely on is one of the most painful and lonely places to be in a relationship. Both of you need to be fully committed to working through your struggles and challenges together- Tough it out. Stay in the same room, keep your physical connection and continue to touch and be intimate with each other so you don't lose that feeling of emotional security and connection to one another.   This podcast is sponsored by: The annual relationship check up! Learn more here about how to evaluate where you and your partner are in terms of satisfaction with your partnership.  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/   Next Week: Please listen next week as Stuart is joined by Mickie Zada from Surviving Abuse Network. They will be discussing the warning signs of abuse in a relationship. Please listen in to this important topic.   Email Stuart at: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com   Thank you for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. We hope that you stay close and stay connected.

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 168 of our show. Today Stuart talks about the concept of being in a relationship with your soulmate. Do you need to be with a person you consider to be your soulmate in order to have a close and connected relationship? Is having a soulmate always a positive thing?  Listen as Stuart explains what it means to have a soulmate.   What you'll learn from today's podcast: Definition of a soulmate vs. a life partner  1:12 Life partners come after we've had a few soulmates to grow from 7:37 Communicating what you need to your partner is crucial 10:05 We put up barriers to receiving love 15:57 The two of you can do this together, expect it to work 17:43 It takes true commitment and dedication on the part of both partners for you to succeed. You have to erase all doubt about the outcome, and live and love each other every day . Show love, appreciation and kindness, and above all, communicate. You and your partner have to be able to put a voice to your needs and to be able to have conversations with each other about everything. Understanding each other is crucial to creating the relationship you both desire. The best way to erase doubt and to really know that you're with your life partner is to work on the relationship every day. You may have had several soulmates in life while you were working on yourself and finding that one person who can be your partner for life! The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: The Hold Me Tight Workshop - Presented by The Couples Expert. 2 Days and 7 Conversations that can change your life. Learn more: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/ Next Week: Join Stuart next week for an adult topic: The use of sex as a weapon. Do you or your partner ever use sex as leverage in the relationship? Tune in to The Couples Expert as he delves into this subject with you. Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Until next week, keep working, keep soul-searching and stay connected!

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week on the show, Stuart is going to discuss the pain and consequences of financial infidelity. This kind of relationship injury has an incredible impact on a couple. Listen as Stuart talks about how financial infidelity can break your relationship, and how to repair it.   Stuart has just returned from his spring vacation with his wife, where he got to unplug from the Internet for a while. It was a great time of connection for Stuart and Debbie and you know what? He didn't miss that bombardment of information, news and noise for those 6 days at all!  Stuart had been to the resort with a girlfriend before he met Debbie. For some couples this might cause a problem if there were any insecurity in the relationship, but not for them! They've enjoyed their time away. Stuart always comes back from vacation with a renewed sense of purpose and more ideas for helping couples connect.   Spending money is harder for some people than for others. Luxury spending can get very expensive. Stuart just had to replace a part on his home A/C unit, and he hated to spend the money ( he says he can be cheap), but needed to get that air conditioning up and running for the Arizona summer heat! The savings on the power bill was worth the cost of the service call for the repair. Money can be a difficult thing for couples to talk about. So to avoid the conflict, many couples just don't divulge the money they're spending. This is where financial infidelity can begin. This is a relationship injury that isn't widely discussed. Stuart will define this for you and probe a little deeper into the subject.   What you'll learn from today's podcast:   Financial infidelity is a major trust violation 8:16   Lies bring up questions about the security of the relationship 10:45   You both need to decide on money matters that affect your lives 13:31   If you've spent money and lied, it's time to come clean 17:40   You should review your financial condition together regularly 21:24   You need to secure the future of your family 24:46   Moving beyond the trust violation 27:06   If your relationship has suffered a trust violation due to financial infidelity, Stuart recommends the following:   Come clean. No punishment. You can't go back, only move forward. Talk it through and agree to start over with a clean slate and get together on all of your financial issues.   Get rid of separate bank accounts. Get joint accounts and go over the monthly statements together.   Resolve to have honest conversations, give and receive sincere apologies and move forward in the spirit of togetherness and honesty.   You didn't set out to hurt each other, you have to work on the emotional pieces of your relationship at the same time that you repair your finances.   You are going to have a long road back to recover both emotionally and financially. It might take years, so you have to be prepared to do that work on the repair the relationship and on the finances.This can mean making a budget and monitoring it monthly. Get help from a financial expert and from a couples expert.  Let love be the guiding force in rebuilding the trust and security both financially and emotionally.   Sponsored by: Before You Tie The Knot -  12 Essential Conversations to have before you marry.  This online course is recommended for anyone who is getting married.  http://beforeyoutietheknot.thecouplesexperts.com   Email Stuart at: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com   Next Week : On the heels of this episode about financial infidelity, we're going to a shopping nightmare next week!  There are shoppers, and then there are shoppers . Join us on The Couples Expert next time when Stuart explores The Curse of the Shopper's Husband! It's going to be fun.We hope you'll listen in.   Until next time, remember to be honest and thrifty, save and spend wisely, and stay connected!

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 162 of our show. This week Stuart welcomes Lauren Selfridge to the podcast. Lauren became interested in becoming a therapist after being a lifelong client of therapy. She wanted to be a couple's therapist. While in school she began to have symptoms of what she later learned was Multiple Sclerosis. Lauren is joining us to talk about a topic that is important to a lot of people, that of having a loved one with a chronic illness. She had to learn to live with this illness while training to be a therapist. Stuart has a personal connection with this topic as his daughter has had medical issues throughout her life and he's been very open about talking about what living with someone who has medical issues and the impact on family and relationships. Poem: Welcome to Holland http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html   What you'll learn about in today's podcast: Lauren's journey has helped her to be a better therapist 10:56 How talking about chronic illness is important in a couple's relationship 14:07 When one of you is ill and you can't participate in activities you love 16:09 It's about the attitude and the experience 18:17 Chronic illness will show you who you really are  22:24 You are not your disease 23:44 Navigating emotions and illness in a relationship is tricky 24:22 Doing the work early in the relationship makes it better when the challenges come 26:12 Suggestions for couples dealing with health challenges 32:27   It's so important to separate the person from the illness and for each partner in the relationship to realize that there's a lot of guilt and shame that comes if they're feeling like they brought the illness into the relationship vs. both partners are united in battling the challenges together as a unified team. This distinction helps for couples to remain close and connected and allow them to give each other space to talk about how they're feeling about the challenge. Each person should be able to express how the changes affect them , the fears and concerns they have and hopefully through doing this gain a deeper insight into how each of them are feeling about what both are going through. We want to extend our thanks to Lauren Selfridge for being on the podcast this week. You can learn more about Lauren and listen to her podcast “This is Not What I Ordered” here : https://laurenselfridge.com/   Getting The Love You Want book and workshop recommended by Lauren Selfridge https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001     The Couples Expert is sponsored by: The Annual Relationship Check up! There's a way for you to do an evaluation on just where you are in your relationship right now. https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/   Next Week: Join Stuart next week when he tackles another health-related topic of genuine concern for couples: That of sexuality as we age. We hope you'll listen in.   Email Stuart at:  podcast@thecouplesexperts.com   Until next time, stay connected!

Hi and welcome back to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week's topic is “One foot out the door and how to fix it.”  This is episode 161 of our show. The meaning behind the title, as you will soon see, is more about being fully invested in your relationship. When you're all in as in poker, you don't leave yourself an “out.” That's what Stuart will be discussing in this very important podcast episode today. See Stuart's Facebook Live on the gratitude he has for all of you that listen to the podcast. Thank you for taking the time to listen in. He recorded the Live on April 18, 2018. Stuart talks about how he has recommitted to his faith since his Dad passed away and has joined a men's group through the temple. He had an opportunity to honor his Dad's memory by reading from the Torah at a service in the synagogue. Stuart and Debbie were invited to a Kentucky Derby party at a friend's on Cinco de Mayo, which is the same Saturday as the service in the temple.  He thought hard about the conflict and prayed about it and decided that it was more important to him and his relationship with his wife to spend that Saturday with Debbie and their friends, making the relationship more important than anything else. After all, he'd already bought the hat!   Stuart will continue to honor his Dad in his religious practice, but felt that Dad's emphasis on the importance of family and relationships warranted his staying with Debbie for this social event that means so much to them. Stuart made the choice to devote the time to his relationship with Debbie and choosing love. What you'll learn from today's episode: Nothing matters more than your relationship 8:46 Feeling alone in a struggling relationship is a terrible place 11:09 The foundation has to be built to move forward 15:56 Begin to talk about the things you need to do to feel the connection you've lost 20:02 Be invested, be romantic, take it one day at a time. Show that commitment every day. 22:24 It's so important to set aside time that's special just for the two of you. Start courting your partner, call or text them during the day. Think about them when you're apart. Begin to do things together like you did when you were dating.  Go along and don't complain. Make it about sharing fun times with your partner and making it a good experience for them. Ask more frequent questions about how they're doing and feeling.  Take a look at yourself and work on those things that might be causing problems for the two of you. Those things you can change within yourself. If you're overcommitting time with kid activities, back off a little and schedule couples time as a priority. Date, flirt and play together and make it romantic. Get away together and just have fun and be sweet to each other, make it about having an emotional connection together. Special time together is so important. Have you gone all in? This podcast is sponsored by: The 2 Days and 7 Conversations workshop presented by The Couples Expert. Learn more here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/   Email: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Stuart would love to hear from you with reviews, comments and suggestions for future podcasts. Next week: Lauren Selfridge will be Stuart's guest on The Couples Expert. They will be discussing, love, relationships and chronic illness. We hope you'll listen in. Until next time -  Go all in with each other and stay connected!

Hi, and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 160 of our show. Thank you for listening today as Stuart welcomes guest Jim Thomas back to the show. They will be discussing social media and some of the pitfalls of getting connected through the Internet and the impact of that on your life and relationships. Listen in as Stuart and Jim discuss this very important and timely subject. What you'll learn on today's podcast: Tech advances allow access for everyone, worldwide even those people in remote places 4:34 Being conscious of where you go online and how it impacts you, feeds or frustrates you can make all the difference 8:41 How we influence each other and ourselves online? 11:25 How the intensity of what we're bombarded with reminds us how fragile we are as humans 16:15 When everything is on Facebook nothing is private! 17:42 When phones are present we lose our ability to empathize and communicate in real time by 40%  22:48 The power of balance in using devices 28:36 Use those devices to build connection. Check and inventory your usage on a regular basis so that you know how far into the habit you are getting. You need to be aware of the place these devices have in your life. How often do you check your phone? Do you have it with you always?   Pain or loneliness of isolation comes from you and your partner spending too much time on your devices, instead of connecting in the real world. Curiosity can lead into infidelity easily because you're getting a connection that you're craving and you may not be receiving from your partner. You can get close to someone before you know it. Online affairs happen that quickly. The flirtation you have with someone, even if you intend no harm is a big deal in your marriage. You can get so heavily involved and really sucked into virtual connections. If you feel that your partner is too distracted by devices, you can speak up and ask your partner to put that device down and connect directly with you and avoid the possibilities of reaching out to the wrong person. It's just too easy to get online, get distracted and excited in a way that leads to a habit. We all need to be aware and cautious about it. Try a cellphone free evening or a day of the week that you connect face to face without your phone and devices. Make it important in your life to have these REAL emotional connections with the people you love and avoid the pitfalls of inappropriate virtual connections. Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Stuart loves to hear from you! We'd like to thank you for joining us and Jim Thomas for being our guest on The Couples Expert.  Learn more about his work at www.jimthomas.care Please join us next week when Stuart will talk about the need for total investment in your relationship with I'm One Foot out the Door, and how do we fix it? Thank you for spending part of your day with us here at The Couples Expert Podcast. Stay Connected. The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by:  Before You Tie the Knot, 12 Essential Conversations for newlyweds to have. This is an online course with support and direction from The Couples Expert. This course makes a great shower or wedding gift. Learn More: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/12-conversations/  

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 159 of our show. This week's topic is the Power of Love.  Do happy endings happen?  Is there such a thing as happily ever after? It can sound a bit trite, but as Stuart will discuss, love is one of the most powerful forces in our lives. When we're in the right place emotionally and in the right relationship with our partner, that love can be unstoppable! Listen in as Stuart shares about real experiences that show that true love can win just like in the storybooks. What you'll learn from today's podcast: You can have it all together but you both have to want it and work for it 1:02 The emotional bond you have together gives you as a couple the confidence to conquer anything life throws your way 2:39 The connection between you is what's important  3:46 The story of Stuart's personal crisis and triumph 5:15 Why some couples pull apart and others pull together 6:49 It's the little things you say and do every day cementing your bond 8:15 It's not always easy to obtain, you have to put in the work it takes 11:20 You and your partner need to understand each other's communication style and emotional needs. You know when they're triggered and what they need from you when that happens. It's not automatic. You both need to work on this daily to show each other in the small ways who important and valued you are. You both are authentic, vulnerable and raw together. When it really counts, when things are bad, that's when the rubber meets the road and you can show that you HAVE done the work. You will be there for each other, team up and meet any crisis or struggle as a united partnership. Crisis doesn't have to pull you apart. When you've cemented your bond together and you feel secure, a crisis can make you even stronger on the other side. You need to talk about everything, never give a cold shoulder or a silent treatment. Find out where you and your partner need work and start today by showing appreciation, respect. Dedicate yourself to strengthening your connection. Have date nights and adventures together. Spend time together and share activities that you enjoy. Don't turn down opportunities to spend time sharing experiences that will strengthen your bond. Explore ways that you can know each other better and learn more about how to connect on a deeper level. Find out what your partner needs to feel loved and more important in your life. Do those things.  Take the first step now, today. Make your relationship a priority today. Make that important commitment to yourself and to your partner today.   Thank you for joining us today! Listen next week as Stuart tackles the subject of financial infidelity. Email Stuart at: podcast@thecouplesexpert.com Sponsored by Stuart's Daily notes. Daily relationship mentoring for couples. Subscribe here : http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 158 of our show. This week's podcast is so much fun. Stuart's guest is author Amy Lyle. While Amy is not a couple's expert, she brings a fresh take to our podcast with her Book of Failures and her unique and humorous perspective on love and relationships. Amy was restless in her stay at home mom role so she took a job with a non-profit and began writing. A self-described “Domestic Disaster”, her new book talks about how everything has a humorous side and your attitude is what matters. Her experience as a mom and wife gives her a layperson's take on love and relationships. What you'll learn on today's podcast: Amy's background and what prompted her to write her book 5:30 How we define failure 11:45 Where you find the humor 15:26 Our kids are embarrassing 23:26 Humor is therapy 33:18 Stories make us feel better help us relate, and the more embarrassing it is, the more people can relate. If we're going to present ourselves as authentic in our personal and professional lives, we can use our embarrassing moments as a way of being grounded and humble. Don't be afraid to be who you are! How to get Amy's book at Amazon.com : https://www.amazon.com/Amy-Binegar-Kimmes-Lyle-Book-Failures-inadequacies-ebook/dp/B072J3327X/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= The Failures of My Friends is the next project Amy is working on and she would love to hear your biggest failure. You can send it to her, and maybe it will be included in the next book. Amy's Website: www.amylyle.me On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amy.lyle.56 and Twitter: @amylyle You can subscribe to The Couples Expert on itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexpert.com The Couples Expert Is Sponsored By: 2 Days and 7 Conversations, Hold Me Tight workshop. This couples weekend can change your relationship for the better in just 2 days.  Learn more here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/ Next Week: Next week Stuart will be talking about the power of love in overcoming emotional pain and how having a strong emotional connection with your partner allows you to face any challenge together. Until next time, keep finding the funny in your lives and stay connected.  

Hi and welcome to Episode 156 of The Couples Expert. Our podcast today is something that most couples will relate to. When the source article for this topic came out there were over 4,000 comments and it was widely shared throughout social media. That's not necessarily a prerequisite for Stuart to choose a topic, but this particular topic resonated with so many people that he decided to go ahead and use it for the podcast this week. When wives feel like they do a dual role as wife and mother to their spouse it can become problematic. When Stuart ran this one past his wife, and asked her if it was an issue in their home, Debbie's response was laughter and agreement. She had a list of things that helped Stuart understand that this is a topic relevant to a lot of couples. When spouses and partners feel they're filling a parental-type role within the relationship, it's hard to see their partner as an equal and the relationship suffers not only in the communication aspect but also in their sexual relationship. This podcast today is about getting connected back into an equal footing in your relationship and losing that feeling of having to have a parental role in the relationship. What you'll learn from today's podcast: The gender gap between men and women is a real thing 7:28 Your partner wants an equal in the relationship. THAT is sexy 10:24 How you can help each other with a true give and take relationship 14:16 Nothing should be more important than your relationship 18:27 You should be excited to help one another 19:37 If your wife was your little sister, would you be excited that they were married to someone like you? If the answer is no, then you have some work you need to do. You can be the partner that your partner deserves. You can change your ways and have a more equal partnership starting now.   You both work hard to provide what you each need and for your home and family. Keeping that in context and in balance means it's not always equal or 50/50. Often it means one gives more, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. Go out of your way to tip the scales in the other direction and let your partner be on the receiving end of your concern and care. Do something just to make him happy, just to give her a break. This podcast is sponsored by: 2 Days and 7 Conversations Hold Me Tight Workshop. Register now: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/  Learn what you need to have a close and connected relationship with your partner. The Couples Weekend workshop is booking now for May 2018. Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Stuart would love to hear from you with your reviews, comments and suggestions. Subscribe on iTunes: Gain access to the entire archive of The Couples Expert Podcast. Subscribe here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Next Week: Join Stuart next week as he discusses the issues surrounding age disparity in sexual relationships. We hope you'll tune in. Thanks for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Until next time, help each other and stay connected!

Hi and Welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 155 of our show. This episode is about preparing for marriage and the issues that come up for couples when they're planning to make this important step to take their relationship to the next level. We don't know what we don't know, so premarital counseling and training is very important. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Whether marriage is the next natural step for you [2:23] You need to be confident that you're making the right choice [3:30] Marriage is more than a piece of paper [5:19] Divorce shouldn't be an option in your mind [6:26] The conversations you need to have before you marry [10:35] You need to discuss those subjects such as finances, religious practice, family planning, pets, your in-laws, and how you'll spend your time. Talk about your communication style. How do you handle conflict?  Monogamy and sexual practices are all necessary for couples to discuss while planning your wedding or moving in together. Whatever is important to you individually or as a couple, are the things that you need to discuss. These discussions should happen as you are planning your wedding. Then after you're married you need to revisit them periodically. Life together evolves and changes as your circumstances change. Don't let the challenges or surprises throw you. Make sure you keep each other in the loop, talk about everything and be on the same page always.  If you do that you can weather the storms and struggles together. The Couples Expert is sponsored by: Before You Tie the Knot, 12 Essential Conversations The Couples Expert premarital program. This is a 12 week course that will help train and prepare you for a successful marriage. Sign up here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/12-conversations/   Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2 Email: stuart@thecouplesexperts.com   Please send your reviews, comments and suggestions. Stuart would love to hear from you! Thank you for spending part of your day with Stuart The Couples Expert. Until next time, do the planning, do the work and stay connected!

Hi and thanks for joining us for The Couples Expert with your host, Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 154 of our show. This week, Stuart is going to give you a course in arguing with your partner. Not that you should, but everyone does at one time or another. Listen to Arguing 101, a guide to fighting with your partner. Yes, you heard that correctly! Conflict will come up in daily life for all couples (even The Couples Expert). Stuart describes somethings that came up for him and his wife the other morning and how they worked through it. Don't be surprised when this happens to you and your partner. This doesn't mean you don't love each other or have a healthy relationship. The indicator of a healthy relationship is the way you resolve the conflicts and use those experiences to move your relationship forward in a loving and connected way. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Fighting is not the issue, it's about repair [8:25] Fights are inevitable but they can improve your relationship [11:58] Recognize where the triggers come from [17:59] How successful couples do it [21:17] Ground rules for arguments from The Couples Expert [23:23] Sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes You can make your relationship better in just 5 minutes a day. Stuart will send you a quick video in email with a tip about something you can do right now, today, that will strengthen your connection with your partner. http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

This is episode 152 of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim.  Today, Stuart is speaking today about the ghost of our past relationships that continue to haunt us and how to exorcise them from our lives. We can tend to get into patterns that repeat; we get stuck in these ways of interacting in relationships that are a carryover from the past. Listen as how Stuart shows us how to get rid of those ghosts that haunt us and to live in the moment, in the present with our partners and to break those patterns so they can no longer harm us. What you'll learn from today's podcast: Where the triggers come from in the past 2:45 You can understand the pattern and change it 5:20 When you believe the lies of the past they can stay with you 7:23 You deserve to have the loving relationship you desire 10:00 You have to get rid of the ghosts that block your connection 12:12 A guided exorcism by your Jewish, counselor exorcist 17:25 We know in our heads that our partners don't want to hurt us; it's those voices in our heads from our pasts that are the enemy. Sometimes you just need some distance; a time out to cool off so that you can come back together calmly later on and talk about what is triggering you. You have to be a team to unite against those ghosts that threaten your security and happiness. When you pull together and show love, you can defeat the patterns and change them. You must be willing to become vulnerable together and share what's happening in the moment.  The good news is that you can move forward living mindfully in the present with the one who loves you most in the world. The two of you united fight the negativity of the past together. The life you create together overshadows those ghosts of the past. The Couples Expert Is Sponsored by: Stuart's Daily Notes: Get some free advice from Stuart sent directly to your email inbox. These gems can help you improve your relationship today! http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/ Next Week: Please join Stuart next week when he discusses sexuality and the impact of pornography on expectations surrounding your sex life. Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Expert! Until next time, stay connected.

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. This is show #149. We're so glad you've chosen to join us as we talk about love and connection. Stuart's topic today is the importance of family celebrations. You may wonder what that has to do with your love life or relationship. Stuart believes that the family connections we keep teach our children to model healthy love relationships in the future, and that having a strong bond with your siblings and parents, cousins and elders is extremely important.  Listen as Stuart discusses the importance of coming together for family celebrations. Stuart is celebrating this month because not only is February the month of love and romance because of Valentine's Day, his youngest daughter is turning 21! That calls for a family celebration. We all need to take the time to come together to celebrate the all important milestones of life. Make every day count and celebrate life. Time is shorter than we realize and it passes oh, so quickly.

The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 146 of our show. We're so happy that you're here with us for the show. Today Stuart is discussing an all too common scenario for couples: When two people in a committed relationship end up living like roommates instead of lovers.  Listen in while Stuart addresses this familiar problem.

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 144 of our show. Today Stuart is going to help you answer a question that you may be struggling with: Can my marriage be saved? If you're asking yourself that question we're here to help. Please listen as Stuart discusses how to know if your marriage needs saving and the steps to go about making that happen. The good news is that it can be done. What you'll learn from today's podcast: What it means to be “saved” 2:30 The things that get in the way of connection 6:10 You save your marriage every day by being the best partner you can be 9:29 Your partner needs to hear how you feel, so don't wait, you may not get another opportunity 11:28 It's a journey, not a quick fix , your commitment to the process decides how long it will take  18:00 Be aware of the warning signs and celebrate your successes  19:52 Click to read the full show notes.

Welcome to episode 139 of our show. Your host Stuart Fensterheim has some insights to share with his listeners today about intimate partner relationships and sexual intimacy with your partner; specifically about banishing boredom from your bedroom.

Welcome to episode 46 of the Sexology Podcast, today I am delighted to be joined by Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW who talks about the factors that contribute to a loss of passion, the differences between hook up sex, marital sex and making love and how intimacy tends to only be associated with sex.   Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW is an author and podcaster specializing in helping couples to create a true and authentic love story where they both feel secure and important. His thirty plus years as a therapist have given him a unique perspective on love and relationships.  The Couples Expert Podcast is produced weekly and has an international following on iTunes; currently with over 100,000 downloads and growing. The podcast brings Stuart together with experts from all over the world; in the field of love and relationships. In-depth and insightful discussions on all facets of adult relationships are addressed on The Couples Experts podcast. In addition to his Podcast, clinical and online work, Stuart also facilitates seminars and workshops employing emotionally-focused couples therapy; as well as intensive counseling weekends designed to help couples get to the heart of their struggles and find the answers they are seeking for a closer and more connected loving relationship. Stuart is available to speak on topics including: Surviving Infidelity and Rebuilding Trust Finding Love in Middle Age Having a Closer Connection with Your Partner § Sexuality and Monogamy Same-Sex Relationships Making Your Good Relationship Great   In this episode, you will hear: The factors that can contribute to a loss of passion How a couple's sex language can be different and the importance for open communication The difficulty to connect when there's unresolved emotions with our partners The differences between hook up sex, marital sex and making love Why people struggle with synchrony sex How intimacy tends to only be associated with sex   Resources http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts Email: Stuart@thecouplesexperts.com

Today's guest is Stuart Fensterheim, a licensed clinical social worker, blogger, author and podcast host. He is located in Scottsdale, AZ. Stuart is a couples expert which means he works with couples having difficulty feeling close and connected to one another. He assist them in finding ways to deepen their relationship by understanding and sharing what each persons needs in the relationship. In today’s episode we are going to discuss divorce and how parents can navigate this with their teens.  If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep72 What you will learn in today’s episode: Stuart shares his personal journey of experiencing divorce as a child and how he became a couples counselor, Emotional connection can make or break a relationship Changing one couple can positively impact the future generations Stuart shares his belief about how marriages can be saved He defines a “relationship injury” and the repair work How parents navigate going through a divorce with their children Have to do it without blaming the partner Remind your children they are not responsible for the divorce Depends on age of child and how much you share Parents have a conversation prior to speaking to children and create a plan Children may not have questions immediately Grieving is part of the process Parents “this is the time to use your resources”-other adults as support vs your children When parent begins to date again, ready to introduce your children to new person do in a neutral location Your daughter doesn’t have to choose between loving you or their other parent-she gets to love you both Father and daughter relationship can become stronger if there is a divorce Life can be beautiful-do the inner work Stuart’s Information:  www.thecouplesexperts.com Couples Expert Podcast:  http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts/ YouTube Channel: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/video-blog/

Jim Enright interviews Stuart Fensterheim, a counselor specializing in couples therapy. Failure to care about a partner’s needs leads to arguments, pain, frustration and could eventually lead to a relationship’s demise. Stuart shares how couples can build and repair their relationship to truly lead a happy life. He discusses the value of accessing outside help as soon as possible and why Emotionally Focused Theory (EFT) in an incredible tool to help solve marital problems. Stuart also urges all couples to acknowledge the effort that their spouses put in small, day-to-day tasks, as a way to show your appreciation for them. Tune-in and discover ways to nurture, repair and ultimately have a relationship that you so desire and is made of pure GOLD.   Time Stamped Show Notes: ●     00:58 – Boomers need to concentrate on relationships along with health and finance ●     01:25 – Today’s guest, Stuart Fensterheim, has been counseling and teaching couples for the past three decades ●     03:37 – Originally a teacher, counseling is Stuart’s second profession; having watched his dad be in a profession that he resented all his life, he is grateful that he got a chance to take up a career that he really enjoys o      06:00 – Started working as a couple’s counselor with a family agency o      06:18 – Since he experienced a lot of pain and anguish from his parent’s divorce; started providing couple’s therapy in order to make a difference ●     07:19 – Leading a FULL and PRODUCTIVE life o      07:19 – A full and productive life is one through which you can make an impact o      07:32 – Need to establish a CONNECTION with the people in our world: our kids, our parents and most importantly, our spouse ●     09:41 – The key to your business success is your relationship at home ●     10:42 – A good relationship is the FOUNDATION of a happy life; if the foundation is shaky, then the house above it is going to be shaky as well ●     12:29 – Often the fights that keep on plaguing a relationship tend to injure a relationship; the trigger, rather than the actual issue, is what causes a fight o      13:47 – A true partner cares about your needs; absence of this care results in an insecure relationship ●     14:04 – Adopts an experimental approach that lets you DISCOVER something new about your partner o      14:53 – Negative experiences results in people building emotional walls around themselves o      15:35 – No sooner does a wife express a desire to talk, a man goes into an emotional shutdown; Stuart attempts to prevent this emotional shutdown ●     16:29 – The fact that couples fights a lot is NOT the problem; the real problem is that they do not REPAIR enough ●     20:00 – A relationship that is authentic and vulnerable is like real GOLD ●     20:57 – What causes a relationship to be SABOTAGED o      20:57 – Beliefs about your partner which are not accurate and acting as if they are o      21:18 – Triggers that lead to cycles of fighting o      21:45 – In the midst of a heated argument, it would really help if you could tell your spouse, “I love you. I don’t like how we are talking to each other. Could we do something that would make this easier?” ●     23:02 – Relationships are not “nice to have” but “have to have” ●     23:26 – People who are unable to establish an emotional connection tend to be in an emotionally dark state and do awful things ●     23:58 – Having a great relationship with your spouse results has a domino effect on your friends and family ●     26:00 – A big proponent of pre-marital counseling, Stuart believes that you need to have dialogue with regards to your triggers and insecurities before your marriage o      26:35 – Equips you to deal with challenges such as loss of job, raising kids and extra marital affairs o      26:52 – Likelihood of having an affair decreases through pre-marital counseling; affairs are a means to remove loneliness and sex is just a means to achieve that o      27:47 – Baby boomers need to encourage their children to take up premarital counseling o      28:35 – Zero-in on specialists who are predominantly dealing with couples ●     29:57 – One of the few attachment-based therapists, Stuart concentrates on dealing with the emotional aspects of a relationship; read Susan Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love to learn more about attachment-based therapy ●     30:18 – Alternatively, you can visit Stuart’s website to learn more about attachment-based therapy; you can also tune-in to the Couple Expert’s Podcast ●     30:34 – Gottman method is the other theoretical framework that deals with couples counseling ●     31:35 – Believes that divorce happens because people give up; if you don’t give up, you will eventually get there o      32:00 – Resorting to EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) can save a marriage o      32:20 – Does not believe that a divorce is necessary, except in extreme cases where there is substance abuse and domestic violence o      33:08 – Research shows that couples tend to take the help of a therapist six years too late; resorting to help earlier when there are no emotional walls will surely save a marriage ●     34:34 – Face-to-face therapy is the best option since you can connect better with a person; however, if a couple has busy work schedules, Stuart also does Skype calls ●     35:52 – HIGHLY recommends pre-marital counseling to baby boomers considering remarriage; 50% of remarriages tend to end in divorce ●     37:06 – Get someone to guide you to remove the things that hinder the closeness of your marriage ●     38:41 – Celebrate your marriage by following RITUALS like going on a trip or renewing vows ●     39:05 – Every single day of your marriage, tell your partner how MEANINGFUL they are to you ●     40:34 – Emotional autopsy of a past marriage is important before proceeding into another relationship; figure out what did not work out in that past, and what you were accountable for ●     42:49 – Staying apart from your partner for some time will help you realize what your partner does for you ●     45:35 – As we age, you can enjoy the fruits of your labor in your marriage ●     47:34 – Listens to music by The Grateful Dead, Joni Mitchell and The Allman Brothers ●     49:52 – Wants to die while making love to his wife, Debbie, at the age of 99! ●     50:23 – Cut off ties with his family for a 10-year period on the insistence of his ex-wife; even in  a relationship, there are certain lines that cannot be crossed o      51:59 – A relationship should fit into who you are; there should be no sacrifices because all it breeds is resentment o      52:32 – Be in a relationship with someone who has equal values, morals, ethics and desires ●     53:29 – Get a 2 minute video, 5 days a week by signing onto Stuart’s website ●     54:04 – Subscribe to Stuart’s podcast and YouTube channel ●     54:36 – Attend a 2 day, seven conversation weekend hosted by Stuart ●     55:43 – Jim Enright’s sign-off message: Be stellar, and live life lively Enjoying this episode? Please Subscribe and Rate in iTunes. 3 Key Points: 1.       An AUTHENTIC and VULNERABLE relationship is like real gold. 2.       Utilizing resources and seeking help such as Emotionally Focused Therapy will help you rebuild your relationship and save your marriage. 3.       Show your appreciation for your partner; acknowledge the effort that your partner puts into small, day-to-day tasks.

Summary Brian Mayer speaks with the Couples Expert, Stuart Fensterheim about his journey through the dark days of divorce through recovery and then into his current and healthy marriage.  Stuart provides hope to those that are hurting by explaining that no relationship is beyond repair.  He encourages us to seek out the help others through things like couples therapy.  When the divorce has already occurred, he talks about divorce recovery support groups as being the key that helped him turn his  The keys he says can lead to a more fulfilling marriage and family life include patience, proactivity, fun (aka phun), perseverance, and personality.  In addition to talking through what makes these so important and the biblical principles that are at their foundation, he also gives practical tips you can implement today.  We hope you enjoy today's message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com Today's Goodies Brian discusses how he has come full circle with the Journalism degree he earned more than 20 years ago as host of this show.   Stuart discusses the dark days of his prior marriage.  You will definitely want to hear him discuss his conversations with his kids and how one simple sentence from his daughter, “Dad, you and mom really don't fight that much” helped shined a light on a new normal that was not healthy for anyone in the family.       Stuart talks about divorce recovery and the power of joining a recovery group.  He said the most beneficial part of the groups was hearing others stories so he knew he was not alone.  He also drew strength from his family especially his parents during this time.     Finally, he discusses how the relationship with his wife Debbie is much healthier.  He attributes this to paying attention to the small things and taking time to verbally show his gratitude, love and encouragement.     Resources Mentioned Stuart's Podcast, called The Couples Expert – Rebuilding Loving Relationships has over 100 episode on all sorts of helpful topics.  The Couples Expert YouTube Channel has lots of quick and helpful videos. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti Thanks For Listening! With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode.  If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. It would be extremely helpful, it you would consider leaving a rating and review on Apple devices at iTunes  or on Android devices at Google Play as it will help the podcast reach others who need help in rebuilding life and relationships The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!

Episode 101 of Therapy Chat is the last in the "Best Of Therapy Chat" segment. Our number one most popular episode is the interview with Stuart Fensterheim, the Couples Expert! Stuart talks about how our attachment style affects our adult relationships.  Welcome to episode 62 of the Therapy Chat Podcast with host Laura Reagan, LCSW-C. This is the third episode in the trauma and attachment series featuring Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW. Stuart is a clinical social worker in Scottsdale, Arizona, practicing with couples using Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which is an attachment-based couples therapy method.  In the episode, Stuart talks about how he works on making connections with couples and how our childhood attachment affects the way we show up in relationships as adults. He also touches upon John Bowlby's Attachment Theory, which focuses on your relationship with your primary caretaker and how it influences everything through your life. To make sense of this theory, he talks further about the relationship young babies have with their caretaker, avoiding failure to thrive and how the needs of a young baby to experience touch and closeness, continue with us throughout our adult life. Resources http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts http://www.iceeft.com http://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html Thank you to this episode's sponsor, TherapyNotes! You can get a free month of TherapyNotes plus 10% off for a year using the code CHAT17 ! Visit https://therapynotes.com to sign up! Or just click here to get the 10% discount for 12 months! Visit Therapy Chat website at Http://therapychatpodcast.com and send host Laura Reagan a voice message letting her know what you think of Therapy Chat! Did you like this episode? Did you dislike it? Let her know!

Welcome to episode 62 of the Therapy Chat Podcast with host Laura Reagan, LCSW-C. This is the third episode in the trauma and attachment series featuring Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW. Stuart is a clinical social worker in Scottsdale, Arizona, practicing with couples using Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which is an attachment-based couples therapy method.  In the episode, Stuart talks about how he works on making connections with couples and how our childhood attachment affects the way we show up in relationships as adults. He also touches upon John Bowlby's Attachment Theory, which focuses on your relationship with your primary caretaker and how it influences everything through your life. To make sense of this theory, he talks further about the relationship young babies have with their caretaker, avoiding failure to thrive and how the needs of a young baby to experience touch and closeness, continue with us throughout our adult life.   Resources http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts http://www.iceeft.com http://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html   Visit Therapy Chat website at Http://therapychatpodcast.com and send host Laura Reagan a voice message letting her know what you think of Therapy Chat! Did you like this episode? Did you dislike it? Let her know! Also, if you’d like to share a tip that helps you get through the holidays, record a message and your comment may be included in the December holiday episode!   Here’s the link to find out about clinical supervision and consultation with Laura Reagan, LCSW-C and the Trauma Therapist Community: http://www.laurareaganlcswc.com/for-professionals/   Thank you for listening to Therapy Chat! Please be sure to go to iTunes and leave a rating and review, subscribe and download episodes.                      

Today my guest is The Couples Coach, Stuart Fensterheim and during this call we talk about couples, money, and how to improve your connection and communication. Having been together with my husband for over 29 years, I feel like there are so many bridges we've crossed on the topic of money that I could write a book on the topic! Stuart helps us sort through the issues to improving our relationships and I think you will enjoy listening in. The post AALP 104 – Creating Loving Couple Connections with Stuart Fensterheim appeared first on Wealth Clinic.

How Children Are Like Horses (And Why You Should Care)   If you have been listening to Therapy Chat podcast lately, you know that I have been talking about using equine assisted psychotherapy and education methods to get in touch with our emotional experiences. In Episode 55 I described my own experience of making a deep soul connection in a barn when I spent a Saturday morning at an equine learning workshop with four other women and two horses. That changed me and I am still feeling it, weeks later. I can’t wait to do more – and I will in a couple weeks when I trek to the Hudson Valley for a beautiful Equine Retreat for Therapists and Healers offered by my friends and colleagues Rebecca Wong and Marisa Goudy.   Then in Episode 56 I interviewed Charlotte Hiler Easley, an LCSW and Equine Specialist in Lexington, Kentucky who developed a model called Equine Assisted Survivors of Trauma Therapy that is being used with survivors of sexual assault to experientially teach safety in our bodies, to see what it feels like to set and hold boundaries, and to take care of ourselves in relationship – as well as allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and risk trusting another who may hurt us. This experiential work with survivors of trauma sounds very powerful to me, as someone who has worked for years with trauma survivors; and as someone who has recently had a life-changing experience with horses.   In hearing about Charlotte’s work and after my own experience I realized there are some similarities between children and horses which are very relevant to the therapy work I do with my clients. It might seem like a strange connection, but stay with me. I’m going to tell you about three ways that children are like horses and why you should care.   As I explained in episode 55 and the blog post that went with it – this information comes from the EAGALA website - equine-assisted psychotherapy and learning works for these reasons:   “Because horses are prey animals, they rely on non-verbal cues to stay alive. Their lives depend on accurately reading these cues.” Horses learn from their interactions with us whether or not we are safe, which lets them know if they are safe. Children do the same thing. They read our body language more than our words.   “Like humans, horses are social creatures who live in herds.”We humans are wired for connection, as Brené Brown frequently says. It goes back to attachment. Children need protection and care from the adults they depend on for survival. When a baby is born that child is completely helpless and dependent upon their caregivers for protection. Safety to a newborn baby means being given food, sheltered from the elements and being held and soothed. Physical safety is being protected from harm; emotional safety is “will you be there when I need you? Do you care about what I need?”   “Horses know when what we are saying and doing don't match what we are feeling and sensing, even though we might not know. They reflect back to us what we are feeling and sensing, or the incongruence between our feelings, sensations, words and actions, even (especially) when it's outside of our conscious awareness." Children also notice incongruence between our words and our non-verbal cues. Children know when a parent says they are not mad but they really are. They know when a parent is crying, but says nothing is wrong, that it isn’t true. Why do they pay attention to this? It’s part of how they make sure they are safe. If their primary caregiver isn’t okay, then they aren’t okay, because who will take care of them if something happens to the primary caregiver?   Okay, so I’ve made my case for children being like horses in three ways, but why should you care? Well, you should care if you are a parent because it’s important to understand what your children need in order to thrive. (Click here to listen to Episode 21 on raising well-adjusted children). And you should care even if you aren’t a parent because you were once a child! Yeah, but that was in the past, right? Not so fast! Attachment affects us throughout the lifespan. It shows up in our peer relationships, intimate partner relationships, in our interactions with our coworkers, supervisors and supervisees and it affects how we feel about ourselves in general.   The attachment that develops between a child and their primary caregiver begins immediately at birth. It continues to develop, with the most intense period of attachment development happening between birth and age 3. As I mentioned, children depend upon the attachment with their primary caregivers for survival.   However, attachment repair can happen throughout the lifespan, so even if there was a disruption to secure attachment between the child and the primary caregiver, in most cases it is not too late to change this. In the worst cases of child neglect, in which children are deprived of touch and verbal interaction with their primary caregivers, brain development can be severely impacted. Studies have found a connection between severe child neglect and reduced brain size and changes to structures of the brain using brain scans for side-by-side comparison. You can learn more about this at Dr. Bruce Perry’s Child Trauma Academy, which is found at www.childtrauma.org.   In Episode 46 of Therapy Chat I talked with Julie Hanks about how assertiveness is influenced by attachment. In future episodes you’re going to hear a lot more about attachment and trauma. Our next episode will kick off the series on attachment and trauma with an interview with Amy Sugeno, LCSW. Amy is in private practice in Texas, where she specializes in helping people who have experienced childhood trauma, including adoption. Later in the series you’ll hear from Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW; Rebecca Wong, LCSW-R; Brittainy Wagner, LPC; Katie K. May, NCC; David Emerson of the Trauma Center at JRI; David Shannahoff-Khalsa of the UCSD Center for Integrative Medicine; Robert Cox, PLPC and many others. I hope you’ll enjoy this series on a subject which I personally find fascinating. The more I learn, the more I realize the way we show up in our lives is all about attachment.   I can’t wait to share these episodes with you over the coming months. Thank you for listening to Therapy Chat today! I hope you have heard something useful. I’d love to hear your feedback! What do you like, what do you not like? Is there a topic you would like to hear discussed on Therapy Chat? Get in touch with me! Visit http://therapychatpodcast.com and leave a message for me using the green button you’ll see there. And please visit iTunes to leave a rating and review and subscribe to receive all the latest episodes of Therapy Chat! You can find all episodes on the website, and Therapy Chat is also on iHeartRadio, Google Play, Stitcher and YouTube.

From teacher to actor to social worker, Stuart Fensterheim, is making his mark helping couples reconnect with the people that are most important to in their lives. He does this with his direct work with couples (couples counseling as well as retreats), and he also does it with over 10,000 people in 26 countries through the podcast that he launched eight months ago. As the host of "The Couples Expert" podcast, Stuart brings his heartfelt and humorous voice to tackle important relationship issues that affect us all. While his podcast is certainly a calling, he's also using it to successfully build his practice and attract clients to his private practice in Scottsdale, AZ.

GOOD INTENTIONS IN A RELATIONSHIP   Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW has been a couples counselor for over 30 years. He graduated with a Master of Social Work in 1985 from the University of Maryland and specializes with couples using EFT. He believes that with a power of love and relationships as the basis of all of our happiness, and without a connected relationship, people suffer in their lives. Stuart’s focus is on changing the world one relationship at a time. Stuart is also the host of The Couples Expert Podcast. In this episode, Stuart talks with us about how to be more create good intentions in a relationship, especially when we are having hurt feelings or issues with our partner. He identifies the importance of rethinking our negative interpretations so that we can set the stage for more connection in our love relationships. (These are Show Notes: Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips.) Stuart recommends these practices for setting an intention for a relationship: Question your negative interpretations of your partner. Ask yourself, “how does this interpretation help?” Take control of your assumptions. Take a risk and work to disprove your assumptions. Be open and vulnerable about your relationship needs. Recognize “primal pain” or hurt that gets activated in a love relationship. Communicate to show your partner how much they mean to you. MENTIONED: The Couples Expert Podcast (iTunes) Stuart Fensterheim’s Website If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here. Thank you so much for being interested in setting good intentions in a relationship! I believe in your success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please click here. Thank you!  If you are interested in developing new skills to meet your relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.