Launching Your Daughter

In today's episode, Nicole shares the changing of the podcast and future of Soulfilled Sisterhood. To stay informed please go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and sign up for the newsletter. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and feedback along this journey. Moving forward in bringing women together and how they are impacting our future generation of girls.

Today's guest is Stuart Fensterheim, a licensed clinical social worker, blogger, author and podcast host. He is located in Scottsdale, AZ. Stuart is a couples expert which means he works with couples having difficulty feeling close and connected to one another. He assist them in finding ways to deepen their relationship by understanding and sharing what each persons needs in the relationship. In today’s episode we are going to discuss divorce and how parents can navigate this with their teens.  If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep72 What you will learn in today’s episode: Stuart shares his personal journey of experiencing divorce as a child and how he became a couples counselor, Emotional connection can make or break a relationship Changing one couple can positively impact the future generations Stuart shares his belief about how marriages can be saved He defines a “relationship injury” and the repair work How parents navigate going through a divorce with their children Have to do it without blaming the partner Remind your children they are not responsible for the divorce Depends on age of child and how much you share Parents have a conversation prior to speaking to children and create a plan Children may not have questions immediately Grieving is part of the process Parents “this is the time to use your resources”-other adults as support vs your children When parent begins to date again, ready to introduce your children to new person do in a neutral location Your daughter doesn’t have to choose between loving you or their other parent-she gets to love you both Father and daughter relationship can become stronger if there is a divorce Life can be beautiful-do the inner work Stuart’s Information:  www.thecouplesexperts.com Couples Expert Podcast:  http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts/ YouTube Channel: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/video-blog/

In today’s episode I discuss the difference between praise and encouragement, discouraging statements and self-reflection. Being a teenager can be challenging because they are wanting to feel accepted, step into their own identity but are still trying out new behaviors or beliefs, and wanting to feel successful and that they are enough. Parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors can role-model encouragement to improve self-esteem and use language that supports the teens in their life. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep71 In this episode you will learn: What discouragement can look like or sound like from your teen daughter Praise vs encouragement language PCIT-Parent-Child Interactive Therapy for parents of young children and how labeled praises is encouraging for compliance vs good or bad child Family meetings episode 2-help in decision making process Reflecting on what your expectations are for your teenager-overly ambitious which reinforces she is not enough or accepting her where she is Previous conversation with Neil Brown PhD (episode 58)-power struggles and faith in your child Comparing your children to one another or other teens-creates self-doubt, sense of unworthiness Exploring your own values and hers-check out episode one Encouraging her effort and improvement Focus on her strengths vs only focusing on the negative behaviors Stating what you appreciate about them (in any relationship) Embracing being imperfect as a teen and parent Examples of encouraging statements Build self-esteem: give them responsibility, have faith in them, s how appreciation for what they are doing at home, ask them for suggestions and feedback about family decisions, help them accept mistakes they made-episode 32 discussion with Lisa Damour, PhD reflect on her progress and process look at positive expectations without rescuing Reframing, zooming out, and helping her with different possible perspectives Parents reflect on how do you encourage yourself?

My guest today is Lisa Marchiano, is a licensed clinical social worker and Jungian Analyst. She has a private practice located in Philadelphia, PA and works with adults struggling with depression, anxiety, relationships issues, past traumas and grief and loss. She likes to work with myth, dreams and fairytales in her practice. If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep70 Myths, fairytales and archetypes: Lisa discusses what it is to be a Jungian analyst Jung stated we don’t stop growing psychology-it is a life long journey Lisa shares her experience of being a mother and doing Jungian training Parenting has its challenges and it can help parents continue to grow Why self-care is important for mothers Self-care can help mothers staying connected to themselves Motherhood can increase creativity Giving yourself permission to set time aside for creative outlet Can help you focus more vs trying to make the situation perfect Role models to children Creativity can feed our soul Split off from creativity due to motherhood Lisa shares how Rumpelstiltskin fairytale mirrors splitting off part of self and reintegration How JK Rowling’s childhood experience with her dad impacted her creativity and relationships Stories that were created from ancestors and challenging them Can nurture your creativity and children Changing from “either/or” to “both/and” language Being mindful of not making your children the excuse for not practicing self-care, staying connected to self or pursuing your dreams When we don’t make time for ourselves it can increase feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and depression

In today’s episode I am going to discuss family roles and how your teenagers can challenge them. Before I get into this I want to share a movie I watched recently called Tommy’s Honour. It is based on true facts regarding a father (Tom Morris) and his son (Tommy Morris) in the late 1800’s in Scotland. These two men are credited with being pioneers of professional golf. Tom wanted Tommy to take over the business of being greens keeper and the club and ball maker when he died. Tommy wanted to play golf and challenged not only his family role but unwritten rules of social class. Tommy and his father had various conflicts when his dad attempted to remind him of his role or place in life. Tommy not only changed professional golfers being paid fairly, but role modeled not letting prejudice or old beliefs systems stop him from loving the woman he married. Margaret (Tommy’s wife) had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and was banned from her church and Tommy’s mother wanted him to “never see her again” when she discovered this information. Tommy went against his mother’s advice and the towns. Toward the end of the movie, Tom makes a decision for his son vs allowing his adult son to make the choice himself, and it had a heartbreaking impact on Tommy. Tommy showed his Dad how we can love through the biases, not live to get other people’s approval and forgive others when they have made mistakes. In episode 65 Julie Hanks briefly mentioned if a family has an identity such as a ‘sports family’ and your daughter doesn’t like sports. In episode 49 I discussed how a psychotherapy conference earlier this impacted me and my hope for parents and caregivers are to stay curious and seek to understand the teen girls in their life ways vs dismissing or discouraging them. I am a big movie lover and have watched thousands of movies over my lifetime. I know there are other movies that demonstrate choosing to be different or standing up to challenge beliefs systems may not make you the most popular person in your family or your community, but not letting fear stop you from doing what you believe in. Parents and caregivers, I encourage you to pause and give yourself permission to explore what you think and feel when that teen girl in your life challenges the family or societal roles. Stay curious with her and seek to understand why it is important to her, what she wants from being an artist, engineer, athlete, or whatever she desires. Being beside her, owning your own fears without projecting them onto her, can help you stay a team vs placing the “issue’ in between your relationship. I invite you to invest in yourself through my coaching services at www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or find the show notes www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep69

My guests today is Susan Sweet PhD and Brenda Miles PhD. Susan is a clinical psychologist and mother of two.She has worked in hospital, school, and community-based settings and is passionate about children’ mental health and well-being. Susan hopes worries never overshadow anyone’s dreams. Brenda is a pediatric neuropsychologist who has worked in hospital, rehabilitation, and school settings. Brenda has conquered her fear of writing, despite the risk of rejections, revisions, and writer’s block. As for her other fears, she’s still working on them. Susan and Brenda have co-authored Princes Penelopea Hates Peas: A Tales of Picky Eating and Avoiding Catastropeas, King Calm: Mindful Gorilla in the City, Cinderstella: A Tale of Planets Not Princes, Jacqueline and the Beanstalk: A Tale of Facing Giant Fears, and Chicken or Egg: Who Comes First? These books are written for ages four to eight. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep68 Why write the books? Worked together and decided to write a book about picky eating Retelling of fairy tales and combing psychology with creativity Early interventions helps build resilience and healthy habits. Picture books open up dialog and communicate in way for young children. Mental and physical health impact one another. Stories can help change thought patterns regarding eating habits and anxiety management. Fun to write and “our brains crave stories”-Brenda. Parent and caregiver notes in back of book What are concerns of parents? Parents want the best for the children, but put a lot of pressure on themselves. Parents wonder when should I address issue. Books are about non-judgment. Want skills to help children be successful. Times is limited so having two pages in back of book with condense information from vetted sources. Words of encouragement for parents. If your young daughter is struggling with anxiety it can be addressed and improved-we are able to rewire the brain with evidenced based practices. Anxiety can help keep us safe as long as it is manageable. Doesn’t reflect on skills of parents-anxiety is common and parents are not alone. Explore other factors that may contribute to anxiety symptoms.

In today’s episode, I am returning to a discussion about transitions in life. If your daughter is graduating high school or college this year, now is a good time begin having conversations around this change. Often we do not acknowledge the joys and sorrows that come with ending a chapter in our lives and creating dialog about this topic is important to help create a smoother transition. I also share the possible transition with this podcast and embracing changes. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep67

In today’s episode, I discuss ways parents and caregivers can either deepen their relationship with their teen daughter or create a bigger divide. Over the years teenagers have shared their frustrations with me about what their parents do or don’t do in building a relationship with them. These suggestions are areas to reflect on, discuss during family meetings, explore how to improve or change current behaviors both as parents or as teens.  I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep66 In this episode you will learn: Actively listening to your teenager without judgment or trying to fix Grilling your teen with questions Be mindful of not stereotyping your teen behaviors Chores, timing, hidden agendas and compliance Family meetings Conflicts and apologies-this is repair work in the relationship; embracing imperfections Social media-do NOT publish embarrassing photos or video about your child-causes shame, humiliation, and damages your relationship with your teenager Not sweating the small stuff and choosing conflict wisely Criticizing or nitpicking your teen daughter or giving feedback with love and respect Putting down your teens appearance vs self-expression Being on the phone, social media or with friends vs being with your teen Comparing your children to one another or other teens-creates self-doubt, sense of unworthiness Expectations at extracurricular activities-criticizing your child or belittling their performance Working together as a team vs placing the problem between your relationship

My guest today is Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.  A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Salt Lake City, UT with her husband and their 4 children. She enjoys spending time with family and friends, taking naps, reading, writing, eating a lot of chocolate. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep65  For PDF on emotions: http://nicolecburgess.com/emotions/ Why write the book? In her clinical practice noticed young women didn’t know what to be assertiveness about, so wrote a five step process to assist women. “We are socialized to care for others.” Dr.Julie Hanks Vital for women to know themselves Women can lose themselves when focused on others only Fear of disconnection in relationship When adult women don’t know themselves - can project unresolved issues onto daughters About role modeling and connecting What is attachment theory and how it impacts assertiveness? Anxious, Avoidant and Secure Develop during childhood Can change through healthy relationships Psychotherapy can assist with developing more secure attachment Differentiation of self and why it is positive step Developmental stage where teen girls can challenge family identity What do I think, feel, want and need-can change daily Being able to label emotions-primary and secondary emotions Julie shares personal story about her and one of her daughters Tips Do your own inner work for both you (parent) and your daughter Self-Care role models to both sons and daughters to take care of themselves and when they are in relationships Julie’s Information Download first chapter for FREE www.assertivenessguide.com Website: www.DrJulieHanks.com Social Media: @drjuliehanks 

My guest today is Dr. Maggie Wray. She is a psychologist, mentor and life coach in the Atlanta, GA area. Maggie has Ph.D. in Neurobiology & Behavior from Cornell and is a success coach for teens and young adults. A fun fact about Maggie, she has a Bachelor degree in astrophysics from Princeton. In this episode, you will learn: Getting the “why” in time management for your teen Training yourself to focus Planners, calendars, and organization I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep64  

My guest today is Janeen Herskovitz is a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Florida and owner of Puzzle Peace Counseling, LLC.  She earned her Bachelor’s degree in Special Education from Rowan University in New Jersey, (1995) and her Masters of Arts in Mental Health Counseling from Webster University (2010). She is a trained as an EMDR Trauma Therapist, and writes as a Topic Expert contributor on Autism Spectrum at goodtherapy.org. She has been married to her husband, Joe since 1995, and together, they have two teenage children.  Janeen’s podcast, Autism Blueprint, covers a variety of topics surrounding autism in the home. In this episode you will learn: Signs of autism Other diagnoses that can occur with autism and why Support and resources for parents and their teens I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep63

Welcome. My guest today Karen Rayne who has a PhD is in Educational Psychology. She has been working in education for the past two decades with an expertise in sexuality education. She began working in sexuality education in 2007 by providing comprehensive sexuality education classes for middle school students and human sexuality classes for college students through Psychology departments. Dr. Rayne is passionate about providing comprehensive sexuality education to people of all ages and stages with sensitivity and a touch of humor. She founded Unhushed in order to expand her educational reach and to open family conversations about sexuality in the home. In addition to providing direct sexuality education to teenagers and adults and writing books, Dr. Rayne writes curriculum and trains sexuality educators in order to expand their skills. Dr. Rayne’s newest books include GIRL: Love, Sex, Romance, and Being You and Help Your Kids With Adolescence. GIRL, which will be published by the American Psychological Association’s Magination Press, is written as a friendly and accessible guide for older teen self-identified girls as they navigate the tricky waters of emerging sex and sexuality. In this episode you will learn: Why write a book about girls? How do girls ask someone out on a date? Why would a girl want to be in a relationship? How do teen girls end a relationship? I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep62

Today’s episode I discuss how a spiritual practice can improve relationships with others and self, how it can help your daughter, what it is and what it is not and intuition. What is a spiritual practice? Spiritual practice can include religious practices Morality deals with issues of right and wrong Ethical system set of values or beliefs and how we conduct ourselves in social scenes or relationships Spirituality is the inner knowing, connection to universe or higher power, higher awareness Maslow hierarchy of needs-used the terms "physiological," "safety", "belonging" and "love", "esteem", "self-actualization", and "self-transcendence" to describe the pattern that human motivations generally move through. Investing in yourself is supporting your mind, body, and spiritual self Journaling, meditating, chanting, taking walks in nature, body movement are all spiritual practices Why role model this to your daughter When young girls or women see their parents practicing “being” vs “doing” it helps give themselves permission to slow down Encouraging your daughter to have a spiritual practice can help maintain a connection to her own intuition and self-assuredness Can decrease the perfectionism or people pleasing behavior Can assist her in staying true to herself vs needing approval from others to follow her life's path   I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep61 Please leave a rating and review on iTunes

Today’s episode I discuss why investing in yourself as a parent, caregiver or investing in your adolescent is important. I will also discuss the differences between coaching and psychotherapy. Why investing in yourself or your daughter is necessary Everyone has their blind spots or shadows Investing in yourself is supporting your mind, body, and spiritual self Whether investing in coaching services or mental health services you are gaining a deeper understanding of yourself, where you want to be and/or healing past hurts, traumas or gaining support in improving your mental health  Investing in your daughter allows her to change current behavior patterns into being more confident or having an empowered mindset for her adult life  Healing from a traumatic event(s) Gain coping skills to manage worries and fears Learn skills sets in habits, communication skills, organization and more Making small or big changes impacts your future Coaching vs Psychotherapy There are different kinds of coaching -Business -Parenting -Life -Health -Spiritual  Coaching does not treat mental health disorders or do mental health evaluations Confidentiality is different with coaching than medical or law confidentiality Life coaching is to create, develop and facilitate your personal, professional or business goals.  Life coaching is to develop and to implement a strategy, plan, and/or program that is designed to achieve your goals  In coaching, you are motivated and take responsibility for all your actions and decisions  There are certification programs for coaches, but not regulated as it is for mental health professionals  Psychotherapy or mental health counseling can diagnosis mental health issues and disorders Psychotherapy looks more at your past and/or family of origin issues  Mental health professional attends graduate program (either master's level or doctoral level), depending on state has a specific amount of therapy hours to achieve under supervision, then can take licensure test Mental health professional can offer both types of services but can NOT treat the same person under each service I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep60

Today’s episode is for all the dads who are listening and raising adolescent girls. Whether you are the biological dad, step-dad, male figure in her in life this episode is dedicated to you. At the time of this recording, next Sunday is Father’s Day here in the United States. Dad’s I know this stage of development for many teen girls can be challenging because she begins to pull away from parents. My hope is after listening today you find encouragement in staying connected with your daughter or daughters. I want to begin by stating how my Dad has impacted my life and continues to along with sharing some insight from a colleague, Sovann Penn, about his experience with his daughters. Sovann is a licensed professional counselor and health coach in Portland, OR. He offers pre-marital and couples counseling. Along with Individual counseling for anxiety, depression, insomnia, sleep disorders, sexual addiction, porn addiction, career, transitions, grief, burnout, personal growth. In this episode you will learn: How Nicole’s father impacted her as a teen and as an adult Supporting your daughter as a teenager is different than as a child Sovann shares how he shares his love for his daughters Staying connected is the key for both Dads and their daughters  I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep59

My guest today is Neil Brown a licensed clinical social worker, author, and podcaster. He is located in the beautiful area of Santa Cruz, CA. Neil has over 40 years of clinical experience, comes from a systemic approach and works with families and couples and kids of every age.In today’s episode, we are going to explore some areas in his recent book called Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle. His book is written for parents of middle to high school age teens. In this episode you will learn: What is a control battle? What are the developmental stages in adolescents Taming the Beast I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep58

Today’s episode I discuss why sleep is important for your teen daughters, how it is normal for adolescents to stay up later and want to sleep during the day vs adults and ways to encourage healthier sleep patterns. I enjoy sleep and know this an area of struggle for many families of teenagers. The adolescent brain is going through many neurological changes and poor sleep can impact many areas of your daughter’s life. In this episode you will learn: How lack of sleep impacts your daughter’s physical, emotional and cognitive abilities Why teens are like vampires Healthy sleep hygiene or routines I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep57

My guest today is Mari A. Lee a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified sex addiction therapist, the founder of Growth Counseling Services in Glendora, California, a best-selling author, popular national speaker, and a business coach supporting therapists in developing multiple income streams. Additionally, Mari is the co-founder of the annual “Shine Retreat for Women” in Laguna Beach, CA. In this episode, you will learn: Mari talks about her own experience of being in foster care The Roles moms and dads can play in supporting teen girls How self-care can benefit your teenage daughter I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep56

Welcome to the Launching Your Daughter Podcast, today’s guest is Lynn Lyons, LICSW who is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist who lives in Concord, New Hampshire and is in private practice there. In today’s episode, Lynn talks about how she became involved with this work, why your daughter shouldn’t avoid disappointment and hardship and ways to improve anxiety issues within a family. For 27 years, Lynn has specialized in the treatment of anxiety disorders in adults and children. She is an international speaker and trainer on the subject of anxiety, its role in families, and the need for a preventative approach at home and in schools. With a special interest in breaking the generational cycle of worry in families, she is the co-author of two books on anxiety, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous & Independent Children, and the companion book for kids, Playing with Anxiety: Casey’s Guide for Teens and Kids. Her latest book, Using Hypnosis with Children: Creating and Delivering Effective Interventions is a how-to guide for helping professionals looking to incorporate hypnotic strategies for the treatment of depression, anxiety, medical procedures, pain, and sleep.  In this episode you will learn: The subtle changes parents can look out for with anxiety Ways in which for parents to get more awareness of what they’re saying The three X's in managing anxiety I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep55

Today’s episode I discuss Mother’s Day can be a time to celebrate and share how much you appreciate what you mom has done for you over the years. For others, it can be a day of sorrow, remembrance or pain. Whether this day brings you happiness or sorrow or pain, giving yourself permission to be where you and taking care of yourself is important. In this episode you will learn: Sharing and celebrating what you appreciate about your mother Remembering and creating ritual around the loss of your mom Reflecting on a painful past and remembering the women who were like moms to you I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep54

Today’s episode I return to discussing budgeting, finances and planning with your daughter. At the time of this recording here in the Unites States, many high schools seniors are getting ready to graduate within the next month or so. This is an exciting time for many families and can also create emotions of sadness and worry. Over the last decade, I have worked with many teen girls and their parents in navigating this transition. One specific area that I continue to discuss with parents and their daughters is budgeting. As I discussed in episode nine if you haven’t already explored your beliefs around money I encourage you to do so you can help your daughter understand why you do what you do. For example, parents and caregivers what were you told about money growing up? Did you change some of your spending or saving behaviors after you were more aware of those beliefs? Many girls I have worked with over the years struggle with impulse buying or having watched adults in their lives live beyond their means. If this is you I am not judging you, but encouraging you to take charge of your money vs letting fear, denial or avoidance run your finances. In this episode you will learn: Scholarships and financial aid Why a budget for going to college is important Rescue or not rescue when daughter goes into debt  I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep53

Today’s guest is Katayune Kaeni, Psy.D., is a psychologist specializing maternal mental health and the creator and host of the Mom & Mind Podcast. She was drawn to this specialty after going through Postpartum Depression and Anxiety with her first child. Dr. Kat has a private practice in Claremont, Ca and runs a free pregnancy and postpartum stress support group in her community. She volunteers with Postpartum Support International as the area co-coordinator for San Bernardino Co. Dr. Kat works with San Bernardino Co.’s Maternal Mental Health workgroup to provide training to local mental health and allied healthcare providers.  In this episode you will learn:  What are postpartum depression and anxiety  Symptoms to be aware of  Importance of opening the dialog up between moms and daughters regarding mental health issues or pregnancy issues I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com. Or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep52  

Today’s guest is Mallory Grimste, Licensed Clinical Social Worker located in Woodbridge CT. She specializes in helping anxious, depressed, and emotional teens create a life worth living. Her clients often leave therapy with better self-esteem and improved relationships now that they have the skills needed to be more mindful, cope with life's stress, communicate more effectively, and regulate their emotions.  In this episode you will learn: Therapy process and creating treatment goals What is DBT and seven skills teens can use to manage strong emotions How treatment goals improve communication between parents and teens I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com.Or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep51

Today’s episode I return to ways to manage anxiety and share techniques from various medical doctors and therapists. Anxiety can be genetic, but more often it is learned behavior. Mindfulness continues to be shown how it reduces anxiety, depression, ADHD and chronic pain symptoms.   In this episode you will learn: Dr. Daniel Siegel’s hand model of the brain Dr. Daniel Amen’s killing the ANTs Distorted thoughts categories I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep50

Today’s episode I share my recent experience at a conference in Washington D.C. where over 4,500 mental health professionals from various parts of the world gathered. I discuss visiting different Smithsonian museums and how the people and our past events impacted me. My invitation to parents and caregiver to seek to understand from your daughter vs creating division in your differences. In this episode you will learn:  The message from Brené Brown and William Doherty is about sharing our vulnerabilities and seeking to understand  Slowing conversations down with your daughter and creating a family foundation of love and understanding Encouragement for parents in accepting their imperfections and continuing to empower your daughters  I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay up to date and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com.

Today’s episode I share how parents can learn to manage their expectations of their daughters, explore their own emotions and how assertive communication skills come into play. Relationships are work whether it is a parent/child or friendship or partnership. When we project our expectations onto the other person, then we create our own frustrations or suffering vs letting go of the outcome. In this episode you will learn: Managing expectations Using assertive communication Staying the course parents I want to say thank you to all my listeners and for those of you who have written to me about topics you are interested in hearing. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay update and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at http://www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com.

Today’s guest is Daniela Paolone, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who practices in Westlake Village, CA. Daniela specializes in supporting people living with chronic pain, illness, anxiety, and depression. In today’s episode she shares mindfulness and emotional freedom techniques along with the science behind how these techniques can help manage symptoms. Daniela discusses how parents who have chronic pain or illness can stay connected to their daughter and ways parents can support their daughter if she has chronic pain or illness. Daniela completed her Masters in Counseling Psychology with a Specialization in Latino Counseling. After earning her Daniela completed her Masters in Counseling Psychology with a Specialization in Latino Counseling. After earning her masters degree she continued working with children as a behavioral specialist for children with special needs and/or emotional difficulties. At this time she also began working as an intern in private practice where she worked mostly with clients of diverse ethnic and cultural backgrounds who were struggling with a history of addiction, trauma, intimate partner violence, divorce, and difficult life transitions. During the episode, Daniela discusses the Emotional Freedom Technique, which is a combination of counseling therapy and Chinese acupressure. Specific points on the body are tapped on by the client using gentle pressure while a conversation is gently guided on a particular emotion and life experience. In this episode you will learn: How Daniela began her work supporting people with chronic pain The methods and ways she supports people dealing with chronic pain How the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) works For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

Today’s guest is Elizabeth Bonet who is a certified Hypnotherapist with a PhD in Clinical Psychology, an author, podcaster, and yoga teacher. Dr. Bonet helps people feel more emotionally stable, happier and more connected to their partner, friends, and loved ones. Her specialties are hypnosis and anxiety along with doing couples counseling and Perinatal Mood Disorders. She has been a yoga teacher for over 15 years and was the founder of Yogafairy Prenatal Yoga, which she sold in May of 2016. Elizabeth is a single mom of two daughters, a cat and a rescue dog.  In this episode you will learn: What is hypnosis How it can help reduce anxiety How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter. What is hypnosis How it can help reduce anxiety How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or (www.nicolecburgess.com/ep46) and to sign up for my newsletter.  

Today’s guest is LaTasha Hudson, Vice President of Development and Public Relations for Girls, Inc here in Indianapolis, IN. She has been the Director of Programs for 5 years and has the most direct program experience within our organization. She has a passion for serving girls in our community. Girls Inc is a national organization empowering girls and their parents. In this episode you will learn: Mission of Girls Inc How parents can get involved and/or teach their daughter life skills Programs, camps and STEM For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

In today’s episode, I’m going to talk about mindfulness and a product I use that helps me meditate called Muse. Studies have shown that mindfulness and meditation can reduce anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and increase gray matter in our brains. The increase in gray matter can improve our brain health, cognitive abilities, and awareness. As we gain more self-awareness and are more in the present moment, then we are able to show up in relationships and fully listen. We are more able to respond to situations vs react to them, calm ourselves, and use healthier coping skills. In this episode you will learn: What is mindfulness Review of Muse headband for meditation practice How this headband can help your teen and family   To see the full show notes visit http://www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to receive tips and tools for parenting a teen girl.

Today’s episode is words of encouragements from mother’s of adult daughters to mom’s of teenage daughters. Mothers from around the country shared what they learned when their daughters were teens and how these lessons help them create a strong bond with their adult daughters today. Being a parent of a teenager can be challenging and rewarding. It is a developmental stage in life, which means it doesn’t last forever. In this episode, you will learn: Self-care is vital for mothers Firm but fair boundaries Self-compassion for yourself and parenting For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter with tips and tools in raising teenage daughters.

Today's guest is the creator of Talk Sex with Me Tara Spears. In this episode, Tara talks about the difficulties of talking about sex with teenagers, the importance of knowing your own values and reasons why parents themselves may struggle to talk about sex with their teenagers. Ms. Spears graduated with a Master’s Degree in Counselor Education from the University of Central Florida in 2005. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Sex Therapist. She has over ten years of experience working with individuals, children, families, and couples encountering a variety of hardships in life. After spending most of her career responding reactively to situations or intervening after a crisis (i.e. a child’s removal from the home, failed adoption, and the aftermath of abuse), Ms. Spears decided to take a more proactive approach. For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

Today’s guest is Matt Hart who is from southern Indiana. Matt has been a high school Theatre, English, Speech and Debate teacher for just over 20 years and also served as a theater director at Gibson Southern High School. More recently Matt has chosen to pursue an endeavor he is passionate about speaking to people about bullying. He gives a 45 minute presentation entitled “reACT to Bullying” to various schools across Indiana and continues to reach more schools through out the country to help educate and stop bullying in our schools. In this episode you will learn: Matt’s personal story of being bullied What is bullying How to stop being bullied For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and support/tips for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and iHeartRadio.

Today’s episode is about teen dating abuse and violence. I know this topic can be difficult to hear, but I am encouraging you to listen because unfortunately this continues to be an all to common issue I see in my practice. In the past I co-facilitated a domestic violence batterer’s intervention group for teen boys. They had been charged with being physically abusive toward a partner or family member or a person and were required to attend a either a 26 or 52 week program for perpetrators. The agency I worked at had a group for teen girls and two different groups for adult males and females. In this episode you will learn: Statistics of teen dating abuse and violence Warning signs of possible abuse or violence in the relationship How to help your daughter For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online events for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Today’s guest is Chonteau McElvin and she is located in Winter Garden, FL. Chonteau is often called a Modern Day Medicine Woman and she has been empowering women to tap into their inner wise woman for over 20 years. Chonteau spent over half of her social work career empowering and teaching teen girls about mindfulness and the importance of sacred ritual. She now has a thriving intuitive coaching practice where she supports mostly women, awaken their authentic selves through archetypal awareness, energy medicine and other shamanic healing methods. She recently founded Soul Care University, a distance learning and virtual healing center that focuses on one's soul nourishment and self care through the sacred healing practices of nature therapy, mindfulness, and ritual. Chonteau continues to teach mindfulness to teen girls and is working on an e-course The Mindful Diva-Meditation and Moonbeams For Teen Girls. Chonteau brings Folk Healing to a modern world that desperately needs to slow down, reconnect to nature and cultivate self compassion. In this episode you will learn: Purpose of doing mindfulness How supporting mothers impact their daughters What is herbal medicine For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online event for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

My guest today is Dena Patton. Dena followed her dream to move to NYC at age 22 and built her own business at age 24 but after a minor stroke at age 27 she sold her marketing company and followed her calling to work with girls and women. She became a speaker, best selling author and coach who work with leaders and women entrepreneurs to help them build companies that make a great difference in the world. She is the creator of Greatness Leadership Academy and author of Igniting Greatness. In 2007 she cofounded the Girls Rule Foundation that offers 5 programs that help teen girls build leadership, self-confidence and bright futures. Her passion is to help women and girls know their worth, know themselves and know their valuable place in the world. In this episode you will learn: Programs offered at Girls Rule Foundation Why leadership skills and empowerment for our teen girls is important How parents can teach leadership skills at home For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter. I share tips and tools for parents in supporting their daughters and announce upcoming events.

Today’s guest is Dara Hoffman-Fox who is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), gender therapist, speaker and author of “You and Your Gender Identity”. Her private practice is located in Colorado Springs CO. Dara works with transgender, gender variant, and gender questioning individuals. In this episode you will learn: What is a gender therapist What is transgender and non-binary How parents can support their child or teen Fears parents have voiced For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online event for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Today’s episode is a meditation called Loving Kindness or Metta Bhavana. It is a method of developing compassion. It comes from the Buddhist tradition, but it can be adapted and practiced by anyone, regardless of religious affiliation; loving-kindness meditation is essentially about cultivating love. It is unconditional; it does not depend on whether one “deserves” it or not; it is not restricted to friends and family; it extends out from personal categories to include all living beings. There are no expectations of anything in return. This is the ideal, pure love, which everyone has within them. We begin with loving ourselves, because if we don’t love and acceptance ourselves, it is difficult to extend it to others. Loving kindness is without any desire to possess another. It is not a sentimental feeling of goodwill, not an obligation, but comes from a selfless place. It does not depend on relationships, on how the other person feels about us. There are five groups or areas you focus on during this meditation: yourself, a benefactor, a beloved friend or family member, a neutral person and a difficult person. Use three to four phrases with each person. In this episode you will learn: Guided meditations can help manage anxiety Loving Kindness Meditation cultivates compassion Can do this guided meditation in stages To see the full show notes visit http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I making announcements for local teen girls groups and future online events for mothers.

Today’s episode is for parents and the role they have been doing over the last year. Parenting is a full time job with both its challenges and rewards. At the time of this recording it is December and we await for the new year to begin. I am inviting all parents to set aside some time and reflect on your role as a parent. Most parents I work with struggle to see what they are doing well or celebrate how they have broken negative family patterns, such as abuse. So today I am asking you to get out some paper and a pen, set some time for you to reflect either by yourself and/or with your partner, and explore what went well for the year. What areas you may want to adjust/change for next year and what you are grateful for. Once you have done this you may want to encourage your daughters to do the same. Many tween and teen girls struggle with seeing their strengths, obstacles they have overcome and courage that is within them. You never know this may become a family tradition at the end of the year. In this episode you will learn: Why reflecting is important Celebrating your successes and lessons learned What your daughter has taught you over the year To see the full show notes visit http://launchingYourdaughter.com I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and for mothers.

My guest today is Natalie DeFay-Foster, a licensed associate marriage and family therapist at Integrative Art Therapy in Phoenix, Arizona. Natalie is a trained Clinical Art Therapist and specializes in working with adolescents, adults and families. I am excited to speak with her today in how art therapy can be beneficial in working with teen girls and their parents. In this episode you will learn: You don’t need any previous art experience to participate Art therapy can deepen and change family relationships Art therapy can improve communication and relationship skills between parents and teens For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter on some upcoming announcements I will be making for both teen girls and their moms.

Today’s episode is all about boundaries. What are boundaries or limit setting, tips for setting boundaries and why they are important for teen girls and parents. Each week I discuss boundaries with my adult and teen girl clients. There are many myths about what a boundary is and misunderstandings on how to set them. In this episode you will learn: What is a boundary Tips to set boundaries Healthy vs unhealthy boundaries To see the full show notes visit http://launchingYourdaughter.com I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and for mothers.

My guest today is Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist and director of the internationally renowned Laurel School’s Center for Research on Girls. Lisa pulls back the curtain on the teenage years and shows why your daughter’s erratic and confusing behavior is actually healthy, necessary, and natural. Her book Untangled Guiding Teen Girls through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, an instant New York Times best seller, explains what’s going on, prepares parents for what’s to come, and lets them know when it’s time to worry. I am excited to speak with Lisa today about her book and dive a little deeper in one of the chapters. In this episode you will learn: Why Lisa wrote the book Helping parents and teen girls prepare for the future Teenage development is not a personal affront to parents Preparing for the future Requirements and concerns have changed over last ten years These changes are not in alignment with normal development Creating stress for parents and teen girls Can create parents to be too involved Many colleges to choose from, so not a crisis unless parents want teen to attend their school or believe only a few good colleges Power Struggle with homework Allowing teen daughter to receive consequences for her choices in completing assignments or preparing for school tests May need to rule out learning disorder or attention issues Parents have choice of negative outcome or positive outcome depending on what they say or do Lisa shares with parents in giving themselves permission to make these “mistakes” when daughter is in middle school vs waiting until high school Allow your daughter to feel disappointment Teens can struggle with perspective and here is where parents can support her as she moves through this temporary feeling/moment in her life Normal development for your daughter to place autonomy over majority of issues Leverage becomes about removing freedoms/privileges Using her desire for autonomy to help leverage because you can’t “make her” do anything Tips from Lisa Not taking your daughter’s journey into teenage land as personal “Can feel like a breakup” because when she was younger she would laugh at your jokes then around 12 or 13 she no longer thinks your funny Normal development can be challenging and hard If she could rename the book she call it “It’s not about you” because teenage development can seem like a personal affront to parents and its not Parents give yourselves permission to grieve the loss of this change in your relationship with your teen daughter because it is a loss Seek support from friends and colleagues during this stage of life I have some upcoming announcements I will be making for both teen girls and their moms, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com to sign up for the newsletter. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Lisa’s Information: Website: www.drlisadamour.com Book: Untangled Guiding Teen Girls through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood

Today’s guest is Jonathan Singer who is an associate professor of social work at Loyola University Chicago's school of social work and the founder and host of the Social Work Podcast. He is the author of dozens of publications, including the 2015 book "Suicide in Schools: A Practitioner's Guide to Multi-level Prevention, Assessment, Intervention, and Postvention." Jonathan has been a practicing social worker for 20 years and has spent much of that time working with suicidal youth and their families. He's a Hoosier by birth and graduate of Earlham College in Richmond, IN. He lives in Evanston, IL with his wife and three kids. In this episode you will learn: Examples of how parents can communicate with their teenager about concerns of suicide Breaking a myth around suicide Resources available for parents, teens and mental health professionals Jonathan’s experience with working with suicidal folks He is a teacher and researcher Working with folks who are suicidal for years Uses family system perspective LGBT teens can be higher risk if there is no family support Trained in attachment based family therapy He described rupture/break between child and parents Uses a structured approach Explore both sides of where break happens Kids doesn't have to come to parent for everything except when kid is talking about suicide Statistics Stats are from looking at all Americans 43,000 suicides in 2014 Hard to compare state to state-can look at American Association of Suicidology which share data once a year 65 and older-rate is 16.6 per 100,00 or 21 suicides per day 45 to 64-rate is 19.5 per 100,000 or 45 suicides per day young is 15 to 24 yrs old-rate is 11.6 per 100,000 or 14 per day Thoughts of suicide are not normative Stats show 12% of kids up to age 18 yrs old have had thoughts of suicide Yet “normal enough” need to acknowledge kids talk about suicide Breaking a myth Breaking the myth that speaking about suicide will make person suicidal It is ok to bring up the topic with your child and explore if they have had friends talk about suicide Jonathan gives examples of what parents can say to their teen Role modeling shows you are not afraid to speak about suicide Want to connect with other parents vs manage by yourself Search Institute-40 Developmental Assets-shares positive indicators is parents in a community with other parents having shared parenting values Can seek support from other parents/friends on Facebook and know Facebook algorithms may not rank post high Jonathan discussed DOCZ app-which has peer support and health professionals available for parents needing support Find out your teen’s school policies regarding suicide and mental health management Does school have signs of strength (SOS) club? Do they do universal screening and if they have a concern what do they do? Jonathan discussed his book for mental health professionals The forms are useable and copyright goes with owner of book Can input data into forms Resources http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/ http://www.suicidology.org/resources/facts-statistics DOCZ app http://www.crisistextline.org/ https://spsmchat.com/-Suicide prevention in social media Search Institute http://www.search-institute.org/content/40-developmental-assets-adolescents-ages-12-18 I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and their moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com Jonathan’s Information: Website: http://socialworkpodcast.blogspot.com/ Twitter: @socworkpodcast Facebook: www.facebook.com/swpodcast Email: jonathan.b.singer@gmail.com Book: Suicide in Schools: A Practitioner's Guide to Multi-level Prevention, Assessment, Intervention, and Postvention

Today’s guest is Jessica Paist who has her degree in marriage and family therapy and is located in Jenkintown, PA. Jessica is a teen therapist who specializes in empowering tween and teen girls. She uses a family systems approach, which means she supports the parents along with their daughters. In this episode you will learn: How group therapy can empower adolescent girls quicker than individual therapy Girls gain awareness they are not alone Girls can support one another To find out more check out the show notes at http://nicolecburgess.com/ep30

Today’s guest is Lynn Dutrow who is a licensed clinical professional counselor and courage coach in Frederick, Maryland. She has over 25 years of experience in the psychology and education fields and now offers coaching to teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. In this episode you will learn: Difference of coaching vs counseling How coaching can be effective with managing anxiety Benefits of parents doing coaching How coaching is different than counseling She explains how coaching can begin before parent or teen is diagnosed with a mental health diagnosis, such as generalized anxiety disorder Coaching focuses on the present vs reflecting on the past Lynn shares how Auntie Anxiety came about for coaching business This “character” can help bring in humor to the hard work and get teens and parents to get outside themselves for a moment How coaching can help manage anxiety Education about the parts of the brain that activate anxiety and fear Amygdala works like a smoke detector and its has an important job, but for some of us our smoke detector works like it will go off if steam is coming out of the shower Help people recognize they won’t get rid of anxiety and not the goal Turn it from enemy to ally Work for you vs against you Begin process of taking action to make change Begin to get comfortable in the uncomfortable and lean into the fears Gain understanding of reacting to vs responding to We all have anxiety Coaching parents Helping parents recognize their own anxiety Understanding the idea that society has sold us that we can all be happy if we just buy this product. Reality is learning how to be uncomfortable, don’t have to like it, but embrace it because it is important part of teens process and life Many well intentioned mother’s who are in the role of taking care of everything who try to “speed up the process” have created more stress for themselves and teens are less confident because someone else has been doing the skill/task they need to know how to do Let your daughter be part of the family-let her get engaged in doing these tasks to help the whole family What can stop parents in beginning coaching Fear of being uncomfortable Doing the work to begin to manage the worries Having initial session with coach can help challenge the old beliefs and gain understanding of embracing the uncomfortable Benefits of Coaching: Educating parents and teenage girls about anxiety Anxiety is like a socially awkward friend who wants you to pay attention to it Anxiety makes our world really small How to manage it-expand your world, gain more confidence How to change it from being an enemy to being an ally Courage is showing up everyday Look for opportunities and keep moving forward Book Recommendations: Anxious Kids,Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons I invite you to sign up for my newsletter. I have some upcoming announcements I will be making, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Lynn’s Information: Website: www.auntieanxiety.com

Today’s guest is Amy Morin who is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and a lecturer at Northeastern University. She is also a keynote speaker, parent teen expert and child discipline expert for VeryWell.com and best selling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. I watched Amy’s TED talk, The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong, recently and I am excited to speak with her today about how parents and teens can build resilience. In this episode you will learn: Building your mental strength What locus of control means Role modeling your mental strength to your teen Taking calculated risks Why Amy wrote a book Amy shares her personal story of the loss of her mother and husband and how it impacted her journey in becoming more mentally strong during tough times She began to write articles after the death of her husband She wrote a letter to herself about “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”, posted it on line “and it went viral” Amy does speaking events in helping others “give up bad habits that keep them stuck.” “As therapists we focus on good habits and strengths, but also need to explore what keeps us held back.” The chapters give examples and at the end of each chapter there is “what’s helpful” and “what’s not helpful”. Chapter one “They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves” People get stuck on problems vs solutions Need to look forward or how can I make my life better Amy shares how she had to figure out how to manage “the tough days” after her loses Finding ways to be grateful for what you have vs what you lost Not dwelling on past, learn from it and move forward Recognizing that you can control your mood Allow yourself to feel emotions vs choice of staying stuck in it or leaning into it and move forward Chapter four is about locus of control (external vs internal and bilateral) External locus of control-think outside forces dictate our lives Internal locus of control-I have power over the things that happen to me Bilateral-little of both You accept you can control your behaviors and other areas of your life you don’t have control over, such as other people’s behaviors. Raising mentally strong kids is being a good role model As you embrace these mentally strong concepts it helps your teenager Teaching your teen how to deal and cope with difficult emotions Tip for Parents Being mindful of language you use because it can imply you are a victim For example “I have to” vs “This is a choice” Chapter six is about taking calculated risks Decisions usually based on emotions vs exploring logic and seeing pros/cons of taking risk Parents can help teens understand how their brains are changing and looking at risks/consequences vs reacting impulsively Begin to face fears and tolerate anxiety, you can gain confidence Parents you can reflect why your teen daughter’s friends maybe doing X behavior (i.e. feels good, is exciting) and why we need to look at both sides of good and bad of choice As you practice these concepts, it can help not only you build resilience when tough times happen, but also help your teen daughter gain this skill. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter. I have some upcoming announcements I will be making, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Amy’s Information: Website: www.AmyMorinLCSW.com Her eCourse: http://amymorinlcsw.com/ecourse/ Her book: http://amymorinlcsw.com/book/

At the time of this recording fall is here, which means here in the U.S. that holidays are approaching. For many people the holidays are filled with happiness and family gatherings. For some people the holidays may be filled with sadness and loss. If you have lost a parent, partner, family member, friend or a family pet, I will discuss some ways to cope with the loss. In this episode you will learn: It is healthy to share your feelings and honor the loss Adults and children share and express grief differently Self-care and self-compassion are important during this time of season Ways to Cope Talk to someone about what you are feeling or experiencing. Some people are too uncomfortable with grief, so find someone who can listen to you. If this is the first holiday without that person you may feel sad or lonely and sharing this with a trusted friend or loved one can help ease the pain. Talk about what you miss about the person or what ritual you used to do together around this time. Create a ritual to acknowledge the person Light a candle Have a photo out during the celebrations Set aside some quiet time to reflect on that person. Journal, cry, spend time looking at photos or watching home movie to allow yourself to feel the sadness and move through it. After your quiet time is done, go do another activity. Setting aside a specific amount of time can give you permission to feel the sadness, to continue to go in and out of the pain, without feeling overwhelmed. Doing another activity after that can help you believe you are more in control of your emotions vs. the emotions overwhelming you. Remind yourself that family gatherings are not about perfection, but are about spending time with each other. It is ok to cancel the family gathering this year too. Be gentle with yourself. Adults experience grief and loss differently than children. Children are more in the present moment and my say ‘I miss Grandma”, then go off and play with other kids. It is normal and natural. Seek professional help With time the symptoms of grief should decrease. If your feelings intensify, you are withdrawing from others, struggling with depression and it has been several months since the death, it maybe time to seek professional help. Planning and preparing yourself What are you going to do to give yourself permission to have compassion for yourself and/or your children? Think of some ways now that can help you feel more prepared for the holidays. “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” by Washington Irving Book recommendations: On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler The Wheel of Life by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and Todd Gold Contact Nicole if you are in Indiana or the Indianapolis area and seeking professional help. www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Today’s guest is Jennifer McGurk a registered dietitian nutritionist and certified eating disorder registered dietitian. Her practice is located in Nyack, NY. Jennifer believes that every client has different nutrition needs and what’s right for one person may not be right for another. She believes in intuitive and mindful eating, and structures her sessions based on lifestyle changes, behavior modifications with food, and creative and realistic meal planning strategies.  In this episode you will learn: Jennifer works with adults and teens who have an unhealthy relationship with food or they want to change the relationship they have with food Nutritional food is for fueling the body and decreasing the cravings Gaining awareness of behavioral patterns or thoughts around food For therapist and dietitians Need to begin to change what we consider normal in the media and change the language Discuss and recognize the negative “fat” talk-example “my cheeks are fat” or “I’m not beautiful” Begin to neutralize it with healthier thoughts, such as “those are my cheeks” Explore “What do I get out of that negative self-talk?” Negative self-talk can decrease confidence and self-esteem The number of sessions depends on what clients need or want from treatment and their level of commitment Dietitian helps with: Creating a food plan with the client Uses science and give specific recommendations of healthy diet Review behavior changes and the “why’s” behind behavior and food decisions Diet equals nourishment and life style change Research shows that those who skip breakfast eat more later in day Body slows downs, using brain energy at school and all this can create binging on foods after school/work Pack an apple and peanut butter, a smoothy or half a sandwich to eat for breakfast For parents Talk about concerns or eating issues with your teenage daughter You may think “it will make it worse”, but if you have open conversations it can help Jennifer recommends F.E.A.S.T or http://www.feast-ed.org/ Schedule an appointment just for yourself to begin the process and explore ways in communicating concerns about your teen Some prevention tips Not talking about food as good or bad Judging your own weight and making comments about it in front of your daughter Don’t force your child to eat everything on their plate Today’s world we are emotional eaters, we use food as comfort Begin to use Hunger Scale Rate your hunger from 1 to 10 One being extremely hungry Five being neutral Ten being you are Thanksgiving sick Can use app called “Rise Up” which is geared toward eating disorders, but can rate your hunger Book Recommendations Healthy at Every Size by Linda Bacon (http://www.lindabacon.org/haesbook/) Body Kindness book by Rebecca Scritchfield http://bodykindnessbook.com/ Rebecca’s podcast http://www.rebeccascritchfield.com/podcast/ Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com Jennifer’s Information: Website: http://eatwithknowledge.com/ For therapist: http://www.pursuingprivatepractice.com/ for book

Today’s guest is Dr. Melvin Varghese a psychologist in Philadelphia, PA and host of the popular podcast Selling the Couch. He is a colleague and my mentor in this podcasting journey. We discuss what perfectionism looks like from a male perspective, how it impacted Melvin growing up and how he manages it as an adult. One goal of this episode is to continue to raise awareness how perfectionism not only affects women, but men too and ways to challenge old thoughts/stories we tell ourselves. Now here is todays episode. In this episode you will learn: How Melvin recognized perfectionism beginning as teenager and ways it manifested How he manages those behaviors and thoughts now Continuing to challenge societal beliefs about what it means to be a man Embracing imperfection Men sometimes wear perfectionism as a badge of honor Society seems to have a double standard for men “When I hold this truth and embrace these imperfections is when others can see our humanity.” Give ourselves permission to feel both negative emotions and positive emotions Step into our growth edge Melvin shares how as a teenager perfectionism manifested in behaviors His family moved to U.S. when he was in second grade Wanted to do well academically for my parents and brother He identified his self-worth with his grades Began to manifest in some obsessive/compulsive behaviors, such as, how items on his desk were arranged Our minds can go to one extreme or other i.e. “I won’t live up to my potential” More pressure on teens today Can impact their views of self-worth Reminding them they are okay and failures are learning opportunities As an adult When he first created his business old perfectionism thoughts returned and he recognized fear of not being liked He combated perfectionism with: Setting time limits for activities Reminded himself-not about being perfect but about embracing imperfection Using “both”/“and” vs “either”/“or” Gaining self-awareness regarding old thoughts and beliefs “I can put information out there and may not resonate with everyone and that is ok plus I can continue to tweak/modify as I go.” Wants the world to see him as who he is Self-Care skills: Has consistent morning routine Does 30 minutes of exercise Listens to TED talk Has meditation routine Plans day with 1 to 3 tasks Breaks day into 30 minute chucks Gets 8 hours of sleep each night Recommendations: Sue Johnson-Hold Me Tight Brene Brown-The Gift of Imperfection Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.-The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com Melvin’s Information: Website: http://sellingthecouch.com/ Coming soon for entrepreneur: http://melvinvarghese.com/

Todays guest is Laura Reagan LCSW-C. She is a Certified Daring WayTM facilitator, in private practice located in Severna Park, Maryland and has a podcast called Therapy Chat. She specializes in working with adults who have experienced some childhood relational trauma, such as emotional or physical neglect, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, or have witnessed domestic violence. On todays episode Laura shares what parents and teen girls can do if they believe they have been sexually abused. In this episode you will learn: Laura defines sexual assault as: “any unwanted sexual touching (touching rear end, touching sexual body parts) to rape…child sexual abuse, sexual assault where no intercourse to rape.” Sexual abuse and assault is considered a trauma Statistics: 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys under age 18 yrs have had some type of unwanted sexual experience Often the person who has been sexually assaulted will not know they have been an answer the question as “no” when asked. But when ask more specific questions about unwanted sexual experiences they will disclose experiences Part of this is raising awareness of what sexual assault means If you are intoxicated you can’t give consent Maybe a sign you have been sexually assaulted if: You wake up and I feel like I have had sex but not in relationship, Wasn’t plan on having sex or Wasn’t interested in anyone this Y ou can go to college counseling office and speak to a professional If not sure what you want to do call 24 hour R.A.I.N.N. hotline at 1-800-656-4673 What can parent do: If you child, teen, or adult child discloses they have been sexually assault Focus on how they feel And try not to be overwhelmed with your own feelings of what you hear They are asking you for help and for your support Suspend disbelief Call the hotline number because you may not know what to do and they can help What not to do: Let them think you don’t believe them That you don’t support them Because that is harmful to your child/teen It can be detrimental to recovery Why do some people develop post-traumatic symptoms? Studies show is depends on how well that person is supported when they tell someone Next step is helping person regain a sense of power and control again by giving them choices Let her decide whether she wants to call the police Unless it is child abuse then you need to report immediately, but help victim feel like they have options Do they need medical attention? Does a forensic exam need to be completed? If child under 13 years old-need hospital pediatric forensic nurse examiner Again call R.A.I.N.N. hotline and they can give you where to go You can have an advocate through your local sexual assault crisis center to be there during every step of the process Have to ask for an advocate Advocates are specially trained, they know your rights and can help explain your choices Advocate is an outside objective person Can have them there at court if you do not want your parents or loved ones in the room Parents can have advocate as well Exams are free and advocates are free Sexual assault affects everyone and offenders can be either gender Resources: Allies in Healing-book for how to support an adult who was abused as a child Local Sexual Assault Association For Indiana http://indianacesa.org/ State wide local coalition One Billion Rising Revolution http://www.onebillionrising.org/ 1 in 6 organization-male survivors of sexual assault https://1in6.org/ RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com Laura’s Information: Website: www.therapychatpodcast.com Podcast: Therapy Chat (iTunes, Stitcher, YouTube and iHeartRadio)

Today’s episode is about communicating more effectively with your teenage daughter through reflective listening and assertive communication. You are role modeling problem solving skills to her using these skills. Now here is todays episode. In this episode you will learn: Brain develops from back to front Teens don’t have full frontal lobe until they are 24 to 26 years old Frontal lobe impacts executive functioning and impulse control Listening: Reflective listening or Active listening Improve problem solving skills for your teen daughter Parents ask yourself if this is your problem or hers. Does this problem interfere with my rights or responsibilities? Does it involve the safety of my teen or others? If no then her problem You will reflect the emotions back or guess what she maybe feeling if she hasn’t stated an emotion Don’t force her to talk about what is going on if she doesn’t want to and let her know you are there for her Reflect both the positive and the negative times with her Communication Styles: Passive communication-eyes down, withholding talking to other person for days or giving them a silent treatment. Considered emotional abuse if you are not stating you need to take a conflict time-out or keep communication lines open Aggressive communication-name calling, yelling, using physical intimidation is also considered emotional or verbal abuse Assertive communication or using “I” statements is the healthy way to communication Example: When _______________ (name the behavior), I feel ______________(state your emotion) because _________________. When we have plans to spend time together and you change your mind, I feel disappointed because I’ve been looking forward to being you. Using “I” statements shows we are responsible for our own emotions and not blaming or criticizing. Non-verbal communication needs to be open body language, eye contact and facing person If the issue is hers and she wants feedback to possible solutions Use open questions that start with when, what, who, which, where or how Gain understanding and clarify the problem Use brainstorming to find solutions Evaluate the ideas from brainstorming She needs to pick a solution Get a commitment and set a time for evaluating the solution If the issue is yours-you can use the above steps Book Recommendations: Nonviolent Communication-A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Parenting from the Inside Out by Dr. Daniel Siegel & Mary Hartzell, M. Ed. If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com Facebook page: www.Facebook.com/LaunchingYourDaughter/