Podcast appearances and mentions of doc what

It was marky mark and Channing Tatum, but in the dream they were just my friends. They were hanging out in Vegas and I dropped by to say hi, but I had to get going. I was renting a white Beamer SUV which I thought was too nice for me. Thought about going back to say hello but had to convince my parents. Dumb. At least I figured out who those two shirtless dudes were. Oh they also had that guy from Dexter with them. That's correct. And an old dude. But what is that dudes name? Idk. Shirtless dude three. SHIRTLESS DUDE 3 You mean me. God, that Beamer was nice. It was white. It was white, but it was also a rental. I don't know if I could see myself getting a white car. It was pearlescent white though, kind of cream, but with sparkles. You're right, that's a different kind of white. Why would they let me drive this thing? I can drive, I was more surprised anyone would let me rent a car after the Enterprise fiasco. Luckily, it was under my mom's name. Well, this is fucked up. {Enter The Multiverse} My dellisions of granduer sure are fire right now Are you sure you don't know who you are Or where I'll be right there On the highway to hell Like a baseball bat out of heaven I wear my hat backwards, Cause I'm the only one To throw shade On my back end Can I just say, I really like the gangster version of deadmau5. Oh SHIT, There he go. RUN, BLAT-BLAT. (Still Canadian tho) Ah, FUCK, man. What suh tho?! I'm out of gas, eh. The car's out of gas?! Ammo, bud! Oh shit, aight. Must have been surfing in the dream, because I was eating lots of fish and cool about it. That's true! I only ever eat fish when I'm surfing. Why were we in Vegas then? No, the guys were in Vegas, I was just visiting. That doesn't seem like the place to just “visit”. Maybe it was EDC, I don't know. Then why were we eating fish!? That was in another part of the dream. Oh. So we were traveling? I guess so. That sounds rich. Stephen Colbert stands over Jimmy Kimmel with a wooden sword, hitting him repeatedly, yelling KING ME. OW. NO. KING ME. OW, WHAT THE FUCK MAN! KING ME! OWC, knock it OFF! He overpowers Colbert and takes the wooden sword. GIVE ME THAT. he thwaps him with the sword one good time. OW. EXACTLY. Fuck outta here! Why won't you king me?! What makes you think I'm in charge of Kinging?! You wrote the game! I co-wrote the game—with-very minimal effort, by the way, other people— Including my//yourself. Was I there? Gee, maybe not… Seriously, I don't know where my head is sometimes. Plastered inside of the television. Like literally?! I guess. In or on. Anyway, if you're unhappy with your lowly, monocle status, you should talk to The Creator. Who's the creator? Nobody really seems to know… Well then, how am i supposed to talk to him,? Let's find out, Wait, what. One… Jimmy Kimmel Begins to morph into a bird, feathers first and more slowly than usual. What is that? [via tootsie pops owl] Two-hoo! I feel like I've heard this before somewhere. THREE! OH MY GAAA—AAHHHHH! Suddenly, Jimmy Kimmel is transformed into a giant-esque owl. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! Jimmy Kimmel swoops above him, grabbing Colbert by the shoulders, as he screams inconsolably. He begins to fly out of the oversized window, then doubles back for a moment, hovering over the wooden sword. Get the sword! YOU CAN STILL TALK? GET THE SWORD. He lowers Colbert down to the sword, his talons digging deeply into his shoulders—it looks like this probably hurts a lot, he meekly but with great f air grabs the sword, and his feed dangle as the owl takes flight, bawking, Of course I can still tallk; I'm smarter than your actual human self! SO IT WAS YOU WHO ATE MY TOOTSIE POP. JIMMY KIMMEL the OWL lets out a deep and bellowing meniacal laugh as he takes flight, STEPHEN COLBERT crying in shame. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! {Enter The Multiverse} Gotta take it real hard Hang down, head in shame Strong arm, the charms off Work hard, the thigh gap Gets a good man Get the gap tooth fixed, Maybe bleach a few shades Paula Patton, or whatever Zoe Kravitz, like My Time's up; I want to be a good mom Hey, Lorne won't like me Hey, hey, Lorne won't like me at all. What's up on the network I'm waiting on my closeup I take lessons real hard I want to be a good mom, Or if not A long gone alcoholic I mean long gone I mean long gone I mean long gone I mean woke up, blacked out Still pedaling forward on the peloton A skeleton I mean long, long gone No, Lorne don't like me at all What's in the back of the bus? A diversity hire, Fresh out of Harvard university What's on the top of the tube Well, a fresh pack of lubricated condoms, If you really want to know No raw dog What's on the top of the morning An hour on the Peloton, Another in the tub, Doc What's on your mind? Are you really on the road? (No raw dog) Woah, If you really want to know I'm in love, So you're all of them, Until I come, And then you just, Run off like a ghost I'm in the room with a body, And you're not her, I must have gone off the hard stuff (on behalf of Oliver) What if you wrote your book, Knowing who might open it? Who wrote the forward, Colbert. Tough crowd— Now I'm out of folks to come up on, After all that hard stuff Simply won't go on I want to be a good mom, But so much for that It goes well up my spine, Like an epidural, I'm all out of experience. I've got 30 minutes of torture left But I'm all out of droplets, From the hyperdermal contraption I've strapped on And the 4 kilometer run And the dance number to Beyoncé, Of course. (It was Destiny's child, But I was dancing to Beyoncè) It was Destiny's Child, But I was dancing to Beyoncé, Also. “Aw, love…” I always gawk, When couples go on as they do, Even if it occurs that, The one I love, Dawns his beloved And arm and arm My heart weighs just a ton I can't even hear the words anymore It's just all for numbers One for Oliver I can't even hear the words anymore It's just for numbers Almost a Californian As long as I just keep going And don't eat Before sweating it all off in the tub Now the scar on the inside of my lip lights up And raises Just at the sound of []; Had better not touch that one, Put the sides to the side And mark the folder Do not touch Move off of it And wonder what the fuck That number was all for All four I could fly a kite Out of that thing on your back— Impresario If that be the case, Than that makes them the rock, Then what of the kite, And the wind And the string So I wanna kill you. Impresario I'll be Lennon And you be the other. I've got my Yoko out on tour Impresario I work hard for a broke heart Just for songs Impresario Get the monster out Put it all on him Like a kite in the wind Put it all on him Ad hominum/ homonym ATTN: Jimmy Fallon. JIMMY FALLON receives a large shipment of grade A douches, with one simple sticky note which reads an anonymous message in neat cursive. ‘Likeness is what your attract.' Why do I have some of your memories? Before: Hmmm… Where can I offload these? I need more storage. L E G E N D S Bpm: animal rights I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave for your love. As I'm taking my time considering whether or not to buy pure, 100% Organic a grade maple syrup, letting out a heavy sigh at the brave of green coated indidivuals who just so happened to not really need anything in the aisle, but just walk by, also just so happened this last man, who appeared to resemble none other than— CUT TO: Seth Meyers. We meet again. We've never met. Oh, you don't remember? I don't remember things that never happened. Oh, really. Really. Well. I beg to differ. Don't beg. It's an expression. For the first time throughout the series run—we stand corrected—however, and possibly just rather, because this is the movie— And not the series at all. *gasp* Now… what the fuck did I come in here to actually write? —I don't remember. True facts. But— More importantly— why did I toggle on the internet? FUCK. Why, what happened? I just remembered I was online and listening to deadmau5. Ah, shit. Is that such a bad thing? It's like…it's like a guilty pleasure— Seriously? Like Drake, now, except I almost wish I hadn't gone about putting them in that scene together. Why. Cause they're Canadian? No! I mean yes— Must—more—Peloton—get— WAISTED. Fuck. I don't know how much I weigh. So how do you know you're not already 120 lbs . Well, let's see here. 110… What the fuck is a silent basketball?!! Still don't know. {Enter the multiverse} Are you sponsored by Bud Wiser? [why] Just answer the question: Are you sponsored by Budweiser? No. (?) Cause you look like a Clydesdale. Your answer should have been. “Nay”. You and me weren't meant to be friends We're not meeting in real life Or, we already did, but hey We'll never meet again. Just another magic trick Just another magic trick It's like hanging at a rave on a Saturday late night. Or early am Or more Spending the night With an old friend, Then waking up to realize when you finally lift yourself up from the couch, You've been all alone The whole time The magic is gone, And you're still feeling under, disturbed —and jealous of her, of course. Knock it off, go for a long soak And remember the Oath you once took Just for fun and only out of A hint of desperation, Unable to escape from him But remember to remember what his name is At some point B A R T H O There it is again The evil and crawling thing in the distance That says I belong to him L E M Perhaps once, But you'd might as well run along And into a different body, Disguised as something I could never even notice To even get close to me Ū I'd bet my last dollar you couldn't do that I'd go all in at the end of that long poker table The tournament, still rolling on And I've not made lunch yet It was a long party, A long supper An even longer dessert And the forever order For ever after What a laugh There's too many of us Stranded out here, I'll never get over — if you needed closer, I've written it on a cardboard box, With a penny for your thoughts, 3-1 and still keeping it simple; I kept my intentions just as hidden in the numbers As the apples in the barrel, unbranded After all, I am famished, And not quite yet has it been 24 hours. I like all your music. Like a shotgun to the face I want to end it. I'm still floating out in space, I guess Recommended Reassigned and Disestablished— Resigned but terrified of it Fried tofu on the orifice Your or her face With a red dress From just behind, Indecision, regrets, And then, of course I wake up. So duotone, your honor. Fuck magnets, I want to go digging up colors I love corpses. Sara Black is so white I could see right through her. I tripped and fell in your eyes for a multi second. If I creep up expressing my love, he'll send them faster The devil: direct to you— More beautiful women There's less of me today. It didn't seem to take long to notice at all, running the soap over my body as it lathered, that there was overall just less to do, and less at all indeed. It had been three days since the arrival of my Peleton, and that combined with the treadmill had been preoccupying all if not most of my time, often the first thing besides making coffee— a brisk mile-or-so walk as it brewed or, clipping in to the Bike in the middle of the night, as if the thing itself had awakened me with a whispering beckon. Then, I knew that my time was running short— my body wanted pregnancy, and my mind wanted a man who would be easily forgiven for his natural instinct to adulterize and fraternize as he pleased by his wit, charm, intelligence, good looks and wealth, of course—but with a man like that comes certain stipulations—I'd have to be a trophy. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

It was marky mark and Channing Tatum, but in the dream they were just my friends. They were hanging out in Vegas and I dropped by to say hi, but I had to get going. I was renting a white Beamer SUV which I thought was too nice for me. Thought about going back to say hello but had to convince my parents. Dumb. At least I figured out who those two shirtless dudes were. Oh they also had that guy from Dexter with them. That's correct. And an old dude. But what is that dudes name? Idk. Shirtless dude three. SHIRTLESS DUDE 3 You mean me. God, that Beamer was nice. It was white. It was white, but it was also a rental. I don't know if I could see myself getting a white car. It was pearlescent white though, kind of cream, but with sparkles. You're right, that's a different kind of white. Why would they let me drive this thing? I can drive, I was more surprised anyone would let me rent a car after the Enterprise fiasco. Luckily, it was under my mom's name. Well, this is fucked up. {Enter The Multiverse} My dellisions of granduer sure are fire right now Are you sure you don't know who you are Or where I'll be right there On the highway to hell Like a baseball bat out of heaven I wear my hat backwards, Cause I'm the only one To throw shade On my back end Can I just say, I really like the gangster version of deadmau5. Oh SHIT, There he go. RUN, BLAT-BLAT. (Still Canadian tho) Ah, FUCK, man. What suh tho?! I'm out of gas, eh. The car's out of gas?! Ammo, bud! Oh shit, aight. Must have been surfing in the dream, because I was eating lots of fish and cool about it. That's true! I only ever eat fish when I'm surfing. Why were we in Vegas then? No, the guys were in Vegas, I was just visiting. That doesn't seem like the place to just “visit”. Maybe it was EDC, I don't know. Then why were we eating fish!? That was in another part of the dream. Oh. So we were traveling? I guess so. That sounds rich. Stephen Colbert stands over Jimmy Kimmel with a wooden sword, hitting him repeatedly, yelling KING ME. OW. NO. KING ME. OW, WHAT THE FUCK MAN! KING ME! OWC, knock it OFF! He overpowers Colbert and takes the wooden sword. GIVE ME THAT. he thwaps him with the sword one good time. OW. EXACTLY. Fuck outta here! Why won't you king me?! What makes you think I'm in charge of Kinging?! You wrote the game! I co-wrote the game—with-very minimal effort, by the way, other people— Including my//yourself. Was I there? Gee, maybe not… Seriously, I don't know where my head is sometimes. Plastered inside of the television. Like literally?! I guess. In or on. Anyway, if you're unhappy with your lowly, monocle status, you should talk to The Creator. Who's the creator? Nobody really seems to know… Well then, how am i supposed to talk to him,? Let's find out, Wait, what. One… Jimmy Kimmel Begins to morph into a bird, feathers first and more slowly than usual. What is that? [via tootsie pops owl] Two-hoo! I feel like I've heard this before somewhere. THREE! OH MY GAAA—AAHHHHH! Suddenly, Jimmy Kimmel is transformed into a giant-esque owl. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! Jimmy Kimmel swoops above him, grabbing Colbert by the shoulders, as he screams inconsolably. He begins to fly out of the oversized window, then doubles back for a moment, hovering over the wooden sword. Get the sword! YOU CAN STILL TALK? GET THE SWORD. He lowers Colbert down to the sword, his talons digging deeply into his shoulders—it looks like this probably hurts a lot, he meekly but with great f air grabs the sword, and his feed dangle as the owl takes flight, bawking, Of course I can still tallk; I'm smarter than your actual human self! SO IT WAS YOU WHO ATE MY TOOTSIE POP. JIMMY KIMMEL the OWL lets out a deep and bellowing meniacal laugh as he takes flight, STEPHEN COLBERT crying in shame. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! {Enter The Multiverse} Gotta take it real hard Hang down, head in shame Strong arm, the charms off Work hard, the thigh gap Gets a good man Get the gap tooth fixed, Maybe bleach a few shades Paula Patton, or whatever Zoe Kravitz, like My Time's up; I want to be a good mom Hey, Lorne won't like me Hey, hey, Lorne won't like me at all. What's up on the network I'm waiting on my closeup I take lessons real hard I want to be a good mom, Or if not A long gone alcoholic I mean long gone I mean long gone I mean long gone I mean woke up, blacked out Still pedaling forward on the peloton A skeleton I mean long, long gone No, Lorne don't like me at all What's in the back of the bus? A diversity hire, Fresh out of Harvard university What's on the top of the tube Well, a fresh pack of lubricated condoms, If you really want to know No raw dog What's on the top of the morning An hour on the Peloton, Another in the tub, Doc What's on your mind? Are you really on the road? (No raw dog) Woah, If you really want to know I'm in love, So you're all of them, Until I come, And then you just, Run off like a ghost I'm in the room with a body, And you're not her, I must have gone off the hard stuff (on behalf of Oliver) What if you wrote your book, Knowing who might open it? Who wrote the forward, Colbert. Tough crowd— Now I'm out of folks to come up on, After all that hard stuff Simply won't go on I want to be a good mom, But so much for that It goes well up my spine, Like an epidural, I'm all out of experience. I've got 30 minutes of torture left But I'm all out of droplets, From the hyperdermal contraption I've strapped on And the 4 kilometer run And the dance number to Beyoncé, Of course. (It was Destiny's child, But I was dancing to Beyoncè) It was Destiny's Child, But I was dancing to Beyoncé, Also. “Aw, love…” I always gawk, When couples go on as they do, Even if it occurs that, The one I love, Dawns his beloved And arm and arm My heart weighs just a ton I can't even hear the words anymore It's just all for numbers One for Oliver I can't even hear the words anymore It's just for numbers Almost a Californian As long as I just keep going And don't eat Before sweating it all off in the tub Now the scar on the inside of my lip lights up And raises Just at the sound of []; Had better not touch that one, Put the sides to the side And mark the folder Do not touch Move off of it And wonder what the fuck That number was all for All four I could fly a kite Out of that thing on your back— Impresario If that be the case, Than that makes them the rock, Then what of the kite, And the wind And the string So I wanna kill you. Impresario I'll be Lennon And you be the other. I've got my Yoko out on tour Impresario I work hard for a broke heart Just for songs Impresario Get the monster out Put it all on him Like a kite in the wind Put it all on him Ad hominum/ homonym ATTN: Jimmy Fallon. JIMMY FALLON receives a large shipment of grade A douches, with one simple sticky note which reads an anonymous message in neat cursive. ‘Likeness is what your attract.' Why do I have some of your memories? Before: Hmmm… Where can I offload these? I need more storage. L E G E N D S Bpm: animal rights I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave for your love. As I'm taking my time considering whether or not to buy pure, 100% Organic a grade maple syrup, letting out a heavy sigh at the brave of green coated indidivuals who just so happened to not really need anything in the aisle, but just walk by, also just so happened this last man, who appeared to resemble none other than— CUT TO: Seth Meyers. We meet again. We've never met. Oh, you don't remember? I don't remember things that never happened. Oh, really. Really. Well. I beg to differ. Don't beg. It's an expression. For the first time throughout the series run—we stand corrected—however, and possibly just rather, because this is the movie— And not the series at all. *gasp* Now… what the fuck did I come in here to actually write? —I don't remember. True facts. But— More importantly— why did I toggle on the internet? FUCK. Why, what happened? I just remembered I was online and listening to deadmau5. Ah, shit. Is that such a bad thing? It's like…it's like a guilty pleasure— Seriously? Like Drake, now, except I almost wish I hadn't gone about putting them in that scene together. Why. Cause they're Canadian? No! I mean yes— Must—more—Peloton—get— WAISTED. Fuck. I don't know how much I weigh. So how do you know you're not already 120 lbs . Well, let's see here. 110… What the fuck is a silent basketball?!! Still don't know. {Enter the multiverse} Are you sponsored by Bud Wiser? [why] Just answer the question: Are you sponsored by Budweiser? No. (?) Cause you look like a Clydesdale. Your answer should have been. “Nay”. You and me weren't meant to be friends We're not meeting in real life Or, we already did, but hey We'll never meet again. Just another magic trick Just another magic trick It's like hanging at a rave on a Saturday late night. Or early am Or more Spending the night With an old friend, Then waking up to realize when you finally lift yourself up from the couch, You've been all alone The whole time The magic is gone, And you're still feeling under, disturbed —and jealous of her, of course. Knock it off, go for a long soak And remember the Oath you once took Just for fun and only out of A hint of desperation, Unable to escape from him But remember to remember what his name is At some point B A R T H O There it is again The evil and crawling thing in the distance That says I belong to him L E M Perhaps once, But you'd might as well run along And into a different body, Disguised as something I could never even notice To even get close to me Ū I'd bet my last dollar you couldn't do that I'd go all in at the end of that long poker table The tournament, still rolling on And I've not made lunch yet It was a long party, A long supper An even longer dessert And the forever order For ever after What a laugh There's too many of us Stranded out here, I'll never get over — if you needed closer, I've written it on a cardboard box, With a penny for your thoughts, 3-1 and still keeping it simple; I kept my intentions just as hidden in the numbers As the apples in the barrel, unbranded After all, I am famished, And not quite yet has it been 24 hours. I like all your music. Like a shotgun to the face I want to end it. I'm still floating out in space, I guess Recommended Reassigned and Disestablished— Resigned but terrified of it Fried tofu on the orifice Your or her face With a red dress From just behind, Indecision, regrets, And then, of course I wake up. So duotone, your honor. Fuck magnets, I want to go digging up colors I love corpses. Sara Black is so white I could see right through her. I tripped and fell in your eyes for a multi second. If I creep up expressing my love, he'll send them faster The devil: direct to you— More beautiful women There's less of me today. It didn't seem to take long to notice at all, running the soap over my body as it lathered, that there was overall just less to do, and less at all indeed. It had been three days since the arrival of my Peleton, and that combined with the treadmill had been preoccupying all if not most of my time, often the first thing besides making coffee— a brisk mile-or-so walk as it brewed or, clipping in to the Bike in the middle of the night, as if the thing itself had awakened me with a whispering beckon. Then, I knew that my time was running short— my body wanted pregnancy, and my mind wanted a man who would be easily forgiven for his natural instinct to adulterize and fraternize as he pleased by his wit, charm, intelligence, good looks and wealth, of course—but with a man like that comes certain stipulations—I'd have to be a trophy. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

It was marky mark and Channing Tatum, but in the dream they were just my friends. They were hanging out in Vegas and I dropped by to say hi, but I had to get going. I was renting a white Beamer SUV which I thought was too nice for me. Thought about going back to say hello but had to convince my parents. Dumb. At least I figured out who those two shirtless dudes were. Oh they also had that guy from Dexter with them. That's correct. And an old dude. But what is that dudes name? Idk. Shirtless dude three. SHIRTLESS DUDE 3 You mean me. God, that Beamer was nice. It was white. It was white, but it was also a rental. I don't know if I could see myself getting a white car. It was pearlescent white though, kind of cream, but with sparkles. You're right, that's a different kind of white. Why would they let me drive this thing? I can drive, I was more surprised anyone would let me rent a car after the Enterprise fiasco. Luckily, it was under my mom's name. Well, this is fucked up. {Enter The Multiverse} My dellisions of granduer sure are fire right now Are you sure you don't know who you are Or where I'll be right there On the highway to hell Like a baseball bat out of heaven I wear my hat backwards, Cause I'm the only one To throw shade On my back end Can I just say, I really like the gangster version of deadmau5. Oh SHIT, There he go. RUN, BLAT-BLAT. (Still Canadian tho) Ah, FUCK, man. What suh tho?! I'm out of gas, eh. The car's out of gas?! Ammo, bud! Oh shit, aight. Must have been surfing in the dream, because I was eating lots of fish and cool about it. That's true! I only ever eat fish when I'm surfing. Why were we in Vegas then? No, the guys were in Vegas, I was just visiting. That doesn't seem like the place to just “visit”. Maybe it was EDC, I don't know. Then why were we eating fish!? That was in another part of the dream. Oh. So we were traveling? I guess so. That sounds rich. Stephen Colbert stands over Jimmy Kimmel with a wooden sword, hitting him repeatedly, yelling KING ME. OW. NO. KING ME. OW, WHAT THE FUCK MAN! KING ME! OWC, knock it OFF! He overpowers Colbert and takes the wooden sword. GIVE ME THAT. he thwaps him with the sword one good time. OW. EXACTLY. Fuck outta here! Why won't you king me?! What makes you think I'm in charge of Kinging?! You wrote the game! I co-wrote the game—with-very minimal effort, by the way, other people— Including my//yourself. Was I there? Gee, maybe not… Seriously, I don't know where my head is sometimes. Plastered inside of the television. Like literally?! I guess. In or on. Anyway, if you're unhappy with your lowly, monocle status, you should talk to The Creator. Who's the creator? Nobody really seems to know… Well then, how am i supposed to talk to him,? Let's find out, Wait, what. One… Jimmy Kimmel Begins to morph into a bird, feathers first and more slowly than usual. What is that? [via tootsie pops owl] Two-hoo! I feel like I've heard this before somewhere. THREE! OH MY GAAA—AAHHHHH! Suddenly, Jimmy Kimmel is transformed into a giant-esque owl. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! Jimmy Kimmel swoops above him, grabbing Colbert by the shoulders, as he screams inconsolably. He begins to fly out of the oversized window, then doubles back for a moment, hovering over the wooden sword. Get the sword! YOU CAN STILL TALK? GET THE SWORD. He lowers Colbert down to the sword, his talons digging deeply into his shoulders—it looks like this probably hurts a lot, he meekly but with great f air grabs the sword, and his feed dangle as the owl takes flight, bawking, Of course I can still tallk; I'm smarter than your actual human self! SO IT WAS YOU WHO ATE MY TOOTSIE POP. JIMMY KIMMEL the OWL lets out a deep and bellowing meniacal laugh as he takes flight, STEPHEN COLBERT crying in shame. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! {Enter The Multiverse} Gotta take it real hard Hang down, head in shame Strong arm, the charms off Work hard, the thigh gap Gets a good man Get the gap tooth fixed, Maybe bleach a few shades Paula Patton, or whatever Zoe Kravitz, like My Time's up; I want to be a good mom Hey, Lorne won't like me Hey, hey, Lorne won't like me at all. What's up on the network I'm waiting on my closeup I take lessons real hard I want to be a good mom, Or if not A long gone alcoholic I mean long gone I mean long gone I mean long gone I mean woke up, blacked out Still pedaling forward on the peloton A skeleton I mean long, long gone No, Lorne don't like me at all What's in the back of the bus? A diversity hire, Fresh out of Harvard university What's on the top of the tube Well, a fresh pack of lubricated condoms, If you really want to know No raw dog What's on the top of the morning An hour on the Peloton, Another in the tub, Doc What's on your mind? Are you really on the road? (No raw dog) Woah, If you really want to know I'm in love, So you're all of them, Until I come, And then you just, Run off like a ghost I'm in the room with a body, And you're not her, I must have gone off the hard stuff (on behalf of Oliver) What if you wrote your book, Knowing who might open it? Who wrote the forward, Colbert. Tough crowd— Now I'm out of folks to come up on, After all that hard stuff Simply won't go on I want to be a good mom, But so much for that It goes well up my spine, Like an epidural, I'm all out of experience. I've got 30 minutes of torture left But I'm all out of droplets, From the hyperdermal contraption I've strapped on And the 4 kilometer run And the dance number to Beyoncé, Of course. (It was Destiny's child, But I was dancing to Beyoncè) It was Destiny's Child, But I was dancing to Beyoncé, Also. “Aw, love…” I always gawk, When couples go on as they do, Even if it occurs that, The one I love, Dawns his beloved And arm and arm My heart weighs just a ton I can't even hear the words anymore It's just all for numbers One for Oliver I can't even hear the words anymore It's just for numbers Almost a Californian As long as I just keep going And don't eat Before sweating it all off in the tub Now the scar on the inside of my lip lights up And raises Just at the sound of []; Had better not touch that one, Put the sides to the side And mark the folder Do not touch Move off of it And wonder what the fuck That number was all for All four I could fly a kite Out of that thing on your back— Impresario If that be the case, Than that makes them the rock, Then what of the kite, And the wind And the string So I wanna kill you. Impresario I'll be Lennon And you be the other. I've got my Yoko out on tour Impresario I work hard for a broke heart Just for songs Impresario Get the monster out Put it all on him Like a kite in the wind Put it all on him Ad hominum/ homonym ATTN: Jimmy Fallon. JIMMY FALLON receives a large shipment of grade A douches, with one simple sticky note which reads an anonymous message in neat cursive. ‘Likeness is what your attract.' Why do I have some of your memories? Before: Hmmm… Where can I offload these? I need more storage. L E G E N D S Bpm: animal rights I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave —for your love I'm a slave for your love. As I'm taking my time considering whether or not to buy pure, 100% Organic a grade maple syrup, letting out a heavy sigh at the brave of green coated indidivuals who just so happened to not really need anything in the aisle, but just walk by, also just so happened this last man, who appeared to resemble none other than— CUT TO: Seth Meyers. We meet again. We've never met. Oh, you don't remember? I don't remember things that never happened. Oh, really. Really. Well. I beg to differ. Don't beg. It's an expression. For the first time throughout the series run—we stand corrected—however, and possibly just rather, because this is the movie— And not the series at all. *gasp* Now… what the fuck did I come in here to actually write? —I don't remember. True facts. But— More importantly— why did I toggle on the internet? FUCK. Why, what happened? I just remembered I was online and listening to deadmau5. Ah, shit. Is that such a bad thing? It's like…it's like a guilty pleasure— Seriously? Like Drake, now, except I almost wish I hadn't gone about putting them in that scene together. Why. Cause they're Canadian? No! I mean yes— Must—more—Peloton—get— WAISTED. Fuck. I don't know how much I weigh. So how do you know you're not already 120 lbs . Well, let's see here. 110… What the fuck is a silent basketball?!! Still don't know. {Enter the multiverse} Are you sponsored by Bud Wiser? [why] Just answer the question: Are you sponsored by Budweiser? No. (?) Cause you look like a Clydesdale. Your answer should have been. “Nay”. You and me weren't meant to be friends We're not meeting in real life Or, we already did, but hey We'll never meet again. Just another magic trick Just another magic trick It's like hanging at a rave on a Saturday late night. Or early am Or more Spending the night With an old friend, Then waking up to realize when you finally lift yourself up from the couch, You've been all alone The whole time The magic is gone, And you're still feeling under, disturbed —and jealous of her, of course. Knock it off, go for a long soak And remember the Oath you once took Just for fun and only out of A hint of desperation, Unable to escape from him But remember to remember what his name is At some point B A R T H O There it is again The evil and crawling thing in the distance That says I belong to him L E M Perhaps once, But you'd might as well run along And into a different body, Disguised as something I could never even notice To even get close to me Ū I'd bet my last dollar you couldn't do that I'd go all in at the end of that long poker table The tournament, still rolling on And I've not made lunch yet It was a long party, A long supper An even longer dessert And the forever order For ever after What a laugh There's too many of us Stranded out here, I'll never get over — if you needed closer, I've written it on a cardboard box, With a penny for your thoughts, 3-1 and still keeping it simple; I kept my intentions just as hidden in the numbers As the apples in the barrel, unbranded After all, I am famished, And not quite yet has it been 24 hours. I like all your music. Like a shotgun to the face I want to end it. I'm still floating out in space, I guess Recommended Reassigned and Disestablished— Resigned but terrified of it Fried tofu on the orifice Your or her face With a red dress From just behind, Indecision, regrets, And then, of course I wake up. So duotone, your honor. Fuck magnets, I want to go digging up colors I love corpses. Sara Black is so white I could see right through her. I tripped and fell in your eyes for a multi second. If I creep up expressing my love, he'll send them faster The devil: direct to you— More beautiful women There's less of me today. It didn't seem to take long to notice at all, running the soap over my body as it lathered, that there was overall just less to do, and less at all indeed. It had been three days since the arrival of my Peleton, and that combined with the treadmill had been preoccupying all if not most of my time, often the first thing besides making coffee— a brisk mile-or-so walk as it brewed or, clipping in to the Bike in the middle of the night, as if the thing itself had awakened me with a whispering beckon. Then, I knew that my time was running short— my body wanted pregnancy, and my mind wanted a man who would be easily forgiven for his natural instinct to adulterize and fraternize as he pleased by his wit, charm, intelligence, good looks and wealth, of course—but with a man like that comes certain stipulations—I'd have to be a trophy. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Doc opens the hour with some breaking news for his Tuesday appearance with Chris Russell on the Team 980. Doc uncovers another layer of the onion that is Producer Mad Max. Then Ken Harvey joins the program to talk about Washington's free agent signings and his experience with NFL Free Agency. Finally, Max asks Doc "What's the hardest you've been hit?"

We continue Cosmic May with a look at the newest member of the Nova Corps, Sam Alexander! How does Sam stack up against other heroes, and his own expectations? Intro Last call for PuchiCon Hiatus coming up in June Background (7:05) Sam Alexander created by Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness in Marvel Point One #1 (Nov 2011) Character named after Jeph's son Sam who died of cancer when he was 17 Sam Alexander lives in a small Arizona town with his little sister, mother, and father Jesse, who works as a janitor at Sam's school, and is always drunkenly telling stories about how he was a member of the Nova Corps One night Jesse disappears, and then Sam is visited by Gamora & Rocket Raccoon, who give him Jesse's helmet and tell him he's the only Nova Corps member left in the galaxy - after the initial surprise, he encounters and heavily damages a Chitauri invasion fleet heading towards Earth, and upon his return gets trained by Gamora & Rocket Joins the Avengers briefly during AvX, and then allies with Speedball & Justice for a new iteration of the New Warriors Utatu eventually revealed that Jesse was alive, sending Sam into a state of elation Discovers Jesse serving as a Chitauri slave, and brings him home - only to later discover that it was a clone made by the Chitauri to get close to Sam, kill him, and get the helmet - the truth sends Sam into a depressive state Joins the Champions after Civil War II, as he Kamala and Miles are dissatisfied with the Avengers and their actions He encounters a returned Richard Rider, who mentors him for a spell After the Champions capture a major villain, Sam's helmet is confiscated because the kids went rogue in their efforts - this once again spirals him into depression, although he later gets it back Issues - Theme is looking for love in all the wrong places (9:40) Always looking for a father figure Ruby - stopped “hero-worshiping” his dad - that moment when kids realize their parents are only human and just as flawed as they are (17:38) Usually feels he's the odd man out on any team, whether the Avengers, Champions, or Nova Corps (25:56) Break (33:50) Plugs for Not If I Reboot You First, Geek Peak, and Howard Mackie Treatment (35:28) In-universe - Have Sam work on things without the helmet Out of universe - (38:07) Skit (42:25) DOC: Hello Sam, I'm Dr. Issues.  SAM: Hey. DOC: Thanks for taking the time to meet with me, I know you're very busy. SAM: Yeah, well not like I had much say in the matter. DOC: I understand this isn't easy for you.  SAM: I don't know why Kamala is being such a hardass about all this. She said I couldn't have the helmet back until I talked to you. DOC: Let's not focus so much on how we got here, and start talking about what we can accomplish while we're here.  SAM: *mutters*Yeah, I could go get the Ultimate Nullifier from the moon dude and end this- DOC: What was that?  SAM: Ugh, nevermind. I'm just sick and tired of always losing this helmet, having it taken away from me, or whatever. It's like… no one gets it. DOC: Then explain it to me.  SAM: What difference would it make? DOC: Seems to me it would make all the difference in the world. The helmet sounds pretty special to you. Would it help you feel better to have me understand it?  SAM: I dunno, maybe? DOC: There's your answer, then.  SAM: Can you help me get it back? DOC: You said Kamala won't give it back until you talk to me, right? So, talk to me. SAM: Fine. So, this helmet… it was my dad's. He wasn't always the best dad growing up, and he told me all these stories about how he was in the Nova Corps and he fought all these amazing battles in space and saved people all the time. I never believed him. And then one day he disappeared without a trace, but he left the helmet to me. Well, he left it to a talking raccoon and a green assassin lady, but he told them to give it to me. And it gives me all kinds of awesome powers. I can fly, I can fire energy blasts, I'm super strong. That helmet made me the only Nova Corpsman left. Well, at least until Rich came back. And it made me an Avenger, a Champion. It's helped me save the planet, the universe, other worlds. Yeah, it's brought me some trouble, but it also helped me protect my family more times than I can count. And it's helping me search for my dad, because he's alive somewhere out there, and I'm gonna find him one day, no matter what it takes. So this helmet… it's a huge part of me, it's who I am. And every time I don't have it, I feel like… like I'm losing a part of myself. Like I always have to keep fighting to keep my identity.  DOC: I see. SAM: And I wish I could make other people see how much it means to me. DOC: Have you told them that? SAM: Yeah, lots of times. DOC: What kind of reaction do you get? SAM: People roll their eyes, or they laugh and say stuff like “you need to be a hero without the helmet” or crap like that. And it's like, obviously I can't fly through space without the helmet, so yeah it makes a difference. I'm not, like, Thor or somebody. Doesn't make me less of a hero. DOC: I understand.  SAM: Do you really…REALLY? *sarcasm* you've traveled to other worlds and saved people? DOC: No…I've listened to hundreds, maybe thousands of people place part or all of their identity into one facet of their life and whenever it's not there, they try to compensate by recreating that part of themselves in other areas where it just won't fit. SAM: Oh. OK. That… kinda sounds a little accurate… DOC: Then when you try to loop in the ones that you think would understand, they're dismissive because they already have their own defense mechanisms and don't necessarily want to open up that can of worms talking to you about it. SAM: Uh…yeah…I guess that's right DOC: And at least there's someone that can show you how to do things right…if you're lucky, but then they probably don't want to stick around for all of the things going on in your head, and THEY bounce, so you feel like you're back to square one again! SAM: I mean, sometimes that's true, like with Rich. Who am I compared to that guy? But he knows what he's doing, not that I don't but, come on, man! And there's one thing you probably can't relate to still, because nobody really does. DOC: That being… SAM: *pause, deep breath* Can I ask you for an opinion? DOC: My degree and my session timer say yes. SAM: Ok…ok…a lot of times, I mention my dad, and that's when people shut me out. I don't know why. I think it's because they think I'm being a moron or too soft. Is that it? DOC: *pause* I doubt it. SAM: Why'd you hesitate? DOC: Because I don't know. I don't know all of the people you interact with. But I will tell you this. In general, people don't think about you nearly as much as you think they do, unless you are directly bringing things up about yourself. Then the switch goes on and they have to use their mental bandwidth in a way that they didn't expect. I have to pause, and it's my job. Imagine what that's like for a layperson…even a superpowered layperson. SAM: Huh. That's deep. DOC: It can go deeper. I don't think that's your real question. SAM: I don't understand. DOC: You didn't get this far to say all of this stuff to me just for the helmet. Your dad question is right street, wrong block. SAM: So I'm in the neighborhood? DOC: I…guess…thank you for explaining the metaphor. Anyway, my point is, I think you're having some conviction issues about the search for your father. SAM: It's not that I don't believe he's out there. It's just… I had thought the search was over. I brought him home. And he turned out to be a clone. That… that broke me. Because it was like losing him a second time. So now I'm back at square one. DOC: Now that, I won't pretend to understand. That type of grief doesn't vanish. Just so you know, there's no right answer. If you want to actively search, maybe take a set amount of time when you can, it makes sense. If you want to put it on the back burner, and focus on other things while you heal, that works too. Either way, we can work out a plan. SAM: Does that plan involve me getting my helmet back? DOC: *sigh* Well since you have to function at a high level I guess I have some pull to say you should have the helmet. But I'm not going to fight anyone who takes it away from you. Work out your own relationships, ok? SAM: Sooooo…I DO get the helmet back? DOC: Yes. Fine. But my point is if Kamala says no -  SAM: *ignoring the last part* I get my hellllllmet, I get my helllllllmet…SWEET! Ending (50:05) Recommended reading: First Nova series (Loeb/Wells), Champions  Next episodes: Galactus, Nova (Richard Rider), Miguel O'Hara (Spider-Man 2099) Plugs for social & GonnaGeek Network References: Eddie Murphy Buckwheat - Anthony (9:42) PKJ Interview - Anthony (24:53) Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

Step right up and listen to our episode about the most lethal carnival barker ever, ARCADE! Do Anthony & Doc press their luck and win big prizes, or do they hit a whammy with this assassin? Intro Background (2:02) Arcade created by Chris Claremont and John Byrne in Marvel Team-Up #65 (Jan 1978) Debuted as a hitman trying to kill Spider-Man and Captain Britain (Brian Braddock) in a game-like complex called Murderworld He often reappears regularly, establishing a new Murderworld with the help of various assistants, all of them designed to kill different heroes or pairs of heroes Murderworld is always filled with elaborate traps to extract maximum entertainment out of the killing, but Arcade always leaves his victims a sporting chance to escape - which they overwhelmingly do One of his biggest stories was Avengers Arena, where he kidnapped 16 teen heroes and brought them to an island, forcing them to kill each other until one survives, Battle Royale-style - unlike most previous stories, he does manage to kill several of the heroes Unlike many characters, little is known about Arcade's background - he claims to have grown up wealthy, but he was cut off by his father, whom he murdered in response Issues (4:48) Arcade. What Kevin McCallister probably would have become had he not grown up to be the Jigsaw Killer instead. The guy whose goofy panache and gimmicky trademarks bely a very dangerous and accomplished assassin. Arcade is one of those characters who's not even remotely a mystery in terms of his issues: Obsession with violence for the sake of entertainment. Think of the amount of work that goes into building the Murderworlds we've seen in the comics. Finding the physical space. Laying the foundation for construction. The blueprints, the design. Building a structure strong enough to withstand the impact of super-powered beings. Meticulously engineering multiple complex mechanical, electrical, computer, and robotics systems that all have to work in tandem with one another. Countless quality assurance tests to make sure everything runs the way he intends them to. And he custom-designs these giant deathtraps for every target. As an assassin, if his objective was just to kill, he could easily just use a ten-cent bullet. The sheer lengths that he goes to in order to carry out his hits are proof positive that it's not about the killing or the money he's being paid to kill for him, he really, really enjoys watching his targets struggle against his machinations, and the entertainment level that the violence and mayhem provide him. Disassociation with his actions. Much like the Jigsaw Killer, Arcade will never build a deathtrap that doesn't allow his victims a sporting chance to escape. Arcade has no philosophical motive towards making his targets appreciate their lives, however; he just doesn't think the game is any fun if the outcome is predetermined in advance. This does tend to cause him to overlook part of his own responsibility in what he's doing. It's not me killing these people. It's Murderworld. It's completely possible for them to win the game I've put them in, they're just not very good at it. (10:36) Inferiority complex. As revealed in the Avengers Arena arc, Arcade has an extremely poor reputation among both the superhero and supervillain community. Although he has a sterling record killing run of the mill targets, he has failed to kill every single superhero he's ever been contracted to assassinate. This causes him to suffer a deep depression when he finds out about it -- at his own birthday party, no less. (15:10) Break (21:55) Plugs for ODPH, Popcorn Psychology, and Chris Claremont Treatment (22:51) In-universe -  Out of universe -  People inured to the concept of violence when they see it on TV or on a computer screen, fans of contact or combat sports who turn themselves off to the pain being endured by the athletes for the sake of their entertainment. As a possible in-universe or out-of-universe way of diverting his talents to something not quite so evil, tell me Arcade -- with his proclivity for presentation, entertainment, and high stakes -- wouldn't make a perfect booker for a professional wrestling company. Skit (39:55) DOC: What? Huh? Where am I? ARCADE: Hello Doctor Issues, welcome to Murderworld! DOC: Who are you? ARCADE: I'm your friendly host, Arcade! You'll remember your stay here for the rest of your life. Unfortunately for you, that'll be, oh, about five more minutes! DOC: What? You won't get away with this! As soon as I call… ARCADE: Call whom? With what? You have no phone, no technology, no nothing. Let's face it, Doc, you're lonelier than a pimple-faced teen on prom night. But it's not all bad news, let me give you the rundown on exactly what's going to happen. You've got exactly five minutes to find the door that leads to your freedom, or this whole place will explode with the force of a hydrogen bomb, sending your atoms back into the oblivion from whence they came. DOC: Why do I have a feeling you're not exactly being honest with me? ARCADE: What would I have to gain from lying? You find the door, you walk away free. On my honor. DOC: All offense intended, that's not exactly encouraging. What's the catch? ARCADE: Fair enough, good sir. Now, if you walk through the door you're free. GETTING to the door, however… now there, I make no promises. Oh, and your clock starts… now. DOC: *running sounds* OK, I think I see something in this wooded area… WHOA. ARCADE: Ahh, here's your first test. Sure, there's a doorway just a few feet away. If only the whole ground, walls, and ceiling wasn't covered with arthropods, bugs, and more legs than the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular!  DOC: *shudders* Yeesh. ARCADE: Oh that's right, I forgot, you're terrified of… DOC: Hup hup haaahh… joke's on you, I'm not scared of bugs anymore. And I made it through the door with plenty of time to - aww man! ARCADE: Alright, fine, you made it through that one. But here's your next challenge - public speaking! All you have to do is recite the hippocratic oath in front of this crowd of people and TV cameras! Oh, such a shame I forgot to have a copy printed out for you in advance. Clock's ticking and all that. Welp, I guess you'll have to- DOC: *speedily* I do solemnly swear, by that which I hold most sacred, that I will be loyal to the profession of medicine, and just and generous to its members. I will lead my life and practice my art in uprightness and honor. And unto whoever house I enter, it shall be for the good of the sick to the utmost of my power. Holding myself apart from corruption, from tempting, from vice. I will exercise my art solely for the cure of my patients, and I will perform no operation for criminal purpose, even if solicited… ARCADE: Alright, hurry up and get to the finish so you can just die… DOC: But I didn't- ARCADE: Bah, you didn't stumble at all. I'm not worried, though, because there's no way you're going to make it through this last trap. Besides, you've only got thirty seconds left, and you won't solve this math- DOC: The limit does not exist. *unlock sound* *door opens* ARCADE: I… I really thought I was going to do it this time. I did my research, found out what you were afraid of. And then the math thing, I mean who can do differential calculus in their head like that? DOC: Haven't been scared of bugs in years. Public speaking? Dude, I host a podcast. And the math thing… did you do all that just for a Mean Girls reference? ARCADE: I gotta be honest, this wasn't my best work. I don't have my usual resources, I put a lot into Bitcoin, and whatever was in cash I had in Silicon Valley Bank. This kinda got slapped together.  DOC: Yeah, I can tell. My question is why? ARCADE: Ever since I knocked off those teens, I was riding high for a while. Then things came crashing down, and I needed another big win. I thought taking out the psychiatrist to the caped community would put me back on top.  DOC: But why do you have to be back on top? Do you realize the level of engineering and coordination it takes to set something up like this? You have an understanding of logistics and detail most people could only dream of. If you stopped trying to focus on killing people and pivoted towards a legitimate business, you could be the best in the field at that. ARCADE: But where's the challenge? The sport in watching someone try to figure out if they'll live? The adrenaline rush that you get seeing a person's head explode like a balloon? Without that, it's all just blueprints and greenbacks. There's more to life than money, surely you can appreciate that. DOC: I can, and far be it for me to tell someone not to pursue their passion. But when that passion comes at the expense of creating dangerous and deadly situations for innocent people, that's where- ARCADE: Oh come off it, Doctor. You can't possibly believe these caped clowns are innocent? How much collateral damage do they cause on a regular basis? I'm willing to wager that even your office has been impacted by them on more than one occasion. DOC: That's not the point. That's no reason to hurt or kill them. ARCADE: I didn't hear a denial. And anyway, it's all in the name of entertainment. Do you watch sports? Football? Boxing? MMA? I just take humanity's innate thirst for blood and guts, and I take it to its logical extremes. We thrill at the idea of someone pounding a man's skull in until he's incapable of speech, leaving him functionally brain dead towards the end of his life. But someone giving him the mercy of delivering a killing blow is beyond the pale? Let me ask you - would you rather remember Ali going out gracefully in 1978, or as a pale shell of his former self at the end of his life? DOC: Even if that's not a horrible analogy, which it absolutely is, you're ignoring the most important thing: choice. You kidnap these people and force them to kill or survive. That's not fair at all. ARCADE: It's not a guarantee that they'll die. There's always a sporting chance. Something to keep it interesting. DOC: Interesting for whom? That's my point.  ARCADE: For me, of course! What difference does it make if it doesn't interest anyone else? But you know that's false, too. Have you witnessed bare knuckle brawls, slap fighting, high speed racing? No one is there for competition alone. They all want to see someone's life changed forever…or ended. DOC: There's one thing you keep forgetting to mention…choice. Free will. It's obvious that you want complete control, AND you want violence. That's a terrible combination. ARCADE: We are made to compete. It's our nature. And we are destined to die. I make sure these happen at peak performance value. DOC: Then what's the difference between a game and…*snaps fingers* a game? That's it! A game! ARCADE: What are you getting at? DOC: Ever seen Wipeout? MXC? Ninja Warrior? Those are voluntary shows with some brutal consequences but people consider them to be in poor taste, not horrific. ARCADE: *slow to understand* And so… DOC: You could outplan all of those contraptions, I'm sure of it! But you're so stuck on one note that you've limited your creativity. It's death or nothing for you. How dull.  ARCADE: You mean…permanent disfigurement? DOC: *sigh* Broader than that! How about temporary embarrassment? Self doubt leading to self actualization. Impossible mortal feats being made possible to the non-caped community! ARCADE: Well, necromancy is where I draw the line DOC: Ugh…aaaaaanyway, my point is, do you think you could create a course so deviant that no one could solve it, and still not die? ARCADE: *pause* You are an absolute MADMAN, you know that? DOC: I'm sure it would have the backing of several major networks worth billions of dollars to the inventor and producer. ARCADE: *pause* My world is spinning right now. This is all absurd. You don't put people through trials and torture just to watch them succeed! DOC: Is it really that much worse than putting them through trials to DIE and they STILL succeed? ARCADE: Perhaps not. We'll have to agree to disagree then. DOC: *pause* wait, that's all? No extra ranting? No threats to kill me some other way? Just letting me go? ARCADE: I gave my word. You're not an interesting target anyway. You have no abilities, no talent, and it's obvious you don't do much for patients besides giving them guilt trips. DOC: That's a low blow ARCADE: No hard feelings. Shake on it?  DOC: *clearly wary* You serious right now? ARCADE: Always find ways to be serious when you're having fun, doctor. DOC: Alright *sound effects of struggle* ARCADE: YOU CHEATER! DOC: *out of breath* I may not know combat techniques, but I learned how to perform a patient takedown! You're not going anywhere until the proper authorities arrive *sound effect of handcuffs* and it's not a great idea to leave restraint equipment around even if you don't think anyone will be alive to use it. ARCADE: This isn't fair! I demand a do-over! A reset! … Ending Recommended reading:Avengers Arena Next episodes: Jonah Hex, Mister Sinister, Jeremy & Bre interview Plugs for social & GonnaGeek Network References: Tolerance paradox - Anthony (21:18) Motorhead “The Game” - Doc (51:27) Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

A bit late, but we finally bring the thunder down and examine Billy Batson/Captain Marvel/Shazam! And for some reason, Matchbox 20 factors in. It makes sense in context, trust us… Intro Apologies for delay on episode Belated 5th anniversary celebration! Background (2:20) Shazam/Captain Marvel, Billy Batson, created by Bill Parker and CC Beck in Whiz Comics #2 (Feb. 1940) Originally designed as six superheroes, each with the power of a mythical figure, they were combined into one hero as Captain Marvel Billy Batson is a 12 year old orphan who can transform into a superhero called Captain Marvel by speaking the word SHAZAM, an acronym of the six immortal elders/gods who gave him his power: Solomon (wisdom), Hercules (strength), Atlas (stamina), Zeus (power), Achilles (courage), and Mercury (speed) Later issues introduced members of the extended Marvel family, who shared Billy's powers - Captain Marvel Jr. (Freddy Freeman), Mary Marvel (Billy's twin sister Mary), and others, as well as his nemeses Black Adam, Doctor Sivana, Mister Mind, and more In the 1940s, Captain Marvel was more popular than Superman, and at one point was selling over a million copies per issue In 1941, the precursor to DC Comics (National Comics) sued Fawcett Comics for copyright infringement, claiming Captain Marvel was too similar to Superman - although losing the initial claim, DC won an appeal, and in 1953 Fawcett settled monetarily with DC, because by this point the Captain Marvel books weren't selling nearly as well, agreeing to cease publication In 1967 Marvel Comics created their own character named Captain Marvel (Mar-Vell), and secured the trademark In 1972, DC Comics licensed the characters from Fawcett, but was unable to name the book Captain Marvel due to Marvel's trademark - the characters could retain their names, however, so the new book was called Shazam! The 1970s saw the Marvel family established on Earth-S in the DC multiverse, with occasional crossovers, until Crisis, where they were fully integrated into the streamlined DC New Earth 1994 - The Power of Shazam! retconned his backstory - his parents were archaeologists killed by their associate Theo Adam, who steals a magic scarab - Theo becomes Black Adam, who realizes who Billy is after determining he looks just like his father Played a critical role in Kingdom Come, where he famously squares off against Superman Joined the JSA in the early 2000s to keep Black Adam in check In the New 52, he was officially renamed Shazam, since the book couldn't be called Captain Marvel anyway, and the Marvel family was renamed the Shazam family - all the children were other foster kids alongside Billy, who retained his youthful nature but was more cynical than previously written New series coming in June written by Mark Waid Issues - more than you think you are (13:02) Shazam picks a child to be the world's greatest hero - heavy burden on such young shoulders No parents to help him with this burden - so he created his own found family Serves as functional avatar of six gods across various pantheons (23:15) Break (28:44) Plugs for Hops Geek, Frigay the 13th, and Phillip Kennedy Johnson Treatment (30:55) In-universe - sessions with Billy & Shazam, and then compare notes Out of universe - foster kid (36:38) Skit (44:18) DOC: Hello Shazam, I'm Dr. Issues. BILLY: Oh please, just call me Billy. DOC: Hi, Billy! Wassup. Hi five!  BILLY: Ok, you're trying too hard. DOC: What?  BILLY: I can tell you think I'm cool, but Just call me Billy…and you can put your hand down. DOC: Crash and burn. *muttering* Nice one, doc. *normal voice* So Billy, what can I do for you?  BILLY: Are you the one that writes prescriptions and stuff? I don't really need that. DOC: Yes…but I don't tend to write many for kids unless it's absolutely necessary. Are you having trouble with school?  BILLY: No. DOC: At home?  BILLY: Nope. DOC: With friends?  BILLY: It's complicated.  DOC: Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. So what's going on with your friends?  BILLY: Not much. DOC:*pause* Sooooo…it's not a problem, really?  BILLY: Not anything you can do about it. DOC:Try me.  BILLY: Can you make them younger? DOC:No.  BILLY: Can you make them understand me? DOC:Ummm…not directly  BILLY: See? Waste of time. DOC:Hold it! I'm not giving up yet.  BILLY: Cool. DOC:*pause, desperate* Uhhhhh…what games do you like?  BILLY: Not any you'd care about. DOC:Whoa dude. I'm used to being shut out but you're a ninja at cutting people off.  BILLY: It's a gift, I guess. DOC:Really? What other gifts you got? I don't get to hang around aliens or gods or any of that stuff, so I know I'm *clearly sarcastic* OUT OF MY LEAGUE HAHAHA BILLY: *pause* What is wrong with you? DOC:*run-on* An intense level of sarcasm that acts as a veneer to cover plenty of deep caring for the world at large even when I want to be left alone. And you?  BILLY: Same. whoa…WHOA…nobody says that. No DOCTOR says that. DOC:No doctor admits it, you mean. I'm probably not supposed to say it like that. But honesty in myself helps me sleep at night even when nothing else goes my way. I try to match the room. If I can't ,I just shut down.  BILLY: TMI my man. DOC:Is it? I'm filling time. Usually I'll stay silent for a whole session, but that's no fun. I'm trying something different. There must be something about you. I don't open up to just anyone, so you must have some sort of connection even if you don't admit it. But then again, there's this theory that  BILLY: *interrupting* Do you ever shut up? DOC:Always. BILLY: *awkward silence* What, you want me to talk now? DOC:You don't have to.  BILLY: *more awkward silence* So we're really going to sit here forever until I say something? DOC:No, just until the end of the session….or you do the thing.  BILLY: What thing? DOC:You know the thing.  BILLY: No DOC:Come on, do the thing! Say it! Please?  BILLY: Are you just a fanboy? DOC:Not really. I just wonder if you're different when you say it. I bet you are  BILLY: No. DOC:I'll make the session free  BILLY: No DOC:I'll make the next session free  BILLY: I don't want another session DOC:I'll cancel the next session  BILLY: Fine. SHA-wait, I could just no-show the next session DOC:I have a cancellation fee  BILLY: I don't care! You're just trying to use me like everyone else. DOC:*hurt* Ouch. Look. I'm bad at jokes like this, and it's obvious I'm throwing a lot of stuff at the wall to see what sticks. First I tried to treat you like a typical patient, but that was selling you short. Then I tried to relate to you with something that you admit hit you personally, and you didn't go for it. Then I tried flattery, and you felt insulted. I don't know what works for you, but this ain't it. If you want somebody else to see you, fine. But I'm not giving up. Somebody can help if you have things to talk through.  BILLY: Why would you talk to someone that doesn't want to talk to you? DOC:Have you ever had to deal with somebody that didn't want to deal with you?  BILLY: Yeah. DOC:And you did it anyway?  BILLY: Yeah. DOC:Why?  BILLY: That's different. I'm trying to save people. DOC:So am I, in a much different way. I can't do it the way you do. But I don't give up on lost causes.  BILLY: You sound like some people I know. DOC:Is that a good thing?  BILLY: Knowing them, yeah. But they keep getting in more and more trouble, and they keep fighting, and then they talk about it all the time. What if I don't want to do that? What If I want to have fun? Or quit? Or hang out? I want to do what I want. They want me to be like Superman or Batman  DOC:Then find a way to do it with your own style. Who cares if it's not just like them? Don't be a copy.  BILLY: Nobody told me that before.  DOC:*sarcastic clapping* Hooray, I did something. Yaaaay. Is there anything else?  BILLY: You're still strange, you know that?  DOC:Not for copyright purposes  BILLY: What? DOC:Nothing. Now, for giving you one talking point  BILLY: *interrupting* fine SHAZAM! *sound effects* See? No big deal, I'm still Billy.  DOC:*sobbing*  BILLY: Are you crying? DOC:THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER THANK YOU SO MUCH I AM MAKING YOU A FREE PATIENT FOR LIFE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  BILLY: Most people just ask for an autograph. Ending (50:43) Recommended reading: The Power of Shazam! Next episodes: The Penguin, Arcade, Jonah Hex Plugs for social & GonnaGeek Network Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

We descend to the depths of Hell to talk Satan's Ambassador, the ORIGINAL Black Widow, CLAIRE VOYANT!  Issue 170 - Claire Voyant Intro Mention Quantumania recap episode  Background (2:15) Claire Voyant, the original Black Widow, created by George Kapitan & Harry Sahle in Mystic Comics #4 (August 1940) Not only is she the first Black Widow, decades before Natasha Romanoff, but she is the first costumed female superheroine in comic books Claire Voyant is a spirit who can communicate with the dead She is possessed by Satan to curse a family she is working with, but the husband survives the spell and kills her When she arrives in Hell, she is resurrected by Satan and sent back to Earth with the ability to kill evildoers with a single touch, so he can harvest their souls She also has the ability to fly and generate fire, she is superhumanly strong, and she has various psychic abilities Only makes five appearances between 1940-1943 Brought back in The Twelve by J. Michael Straczynski, alongside 11 other obscure Timely Comics characters Retconned history has her become the Black Widow in 1928 after her sister was murdered by her husband – as she stands over the grave, she wishes for the power to avenge her death, and Satan answers She and the other characters are knocked unconscious and put in suspended animation during WWII – awoken in 2008, she resumes serving Satan, while falling in love with the Phantom Reporter, Dick Jones Issues (8:24) Deal with Devil Distances herself from people because of her abilities Seems to have less difficulty adapting to modern culture, but only because she seeks out specific subgroups (goths) (19:54) Break (29:38) Plugs for Comic Book Keepers, Into the Knight, and Chris Claremont Treatment (31:26) In-universe - Connect her with souls she's impacted Out of universe (34:20) Skit (feat. Theo Kitsinger as Claire) (39:04) DOC: Hello Claire, I'm Doctor Issues. CLAIRE: Hello Doctor. DOC: I just want to let you know this is a judgment-free zone, and you can feel free to speak your mind. This is a safe space. CLAIRE: I appreciate your intention, Doctor, but unfortunately for me there is no such thing as a safe space. DOC: Oh, I am constantly updating various defenses and technology to help protect- CLAIRE: What I mean is there is nowhere I can go where my dark master cannot find me. No hole I can hide in to avoid him or his call. DOC: Oh, I see. And which dark master is that? CLAIRE: He goes by many names, but I believe you'd recognize the name Satan? DOC: Just so we're clear, your master is… the literal Devil? CLAIRE: Lucifer, Shaitan, the Fallen Angel, Beelzebub… again, many names. DOC: I see. And you serve him because… CLAIRE: I sold my soul in exchange for the ability to avenge my sister's killer. As decisions go, it was not my finest moment, but I am beholden nonetheless. DOC: OK. Is he in here with us now…? CLAIRE: Are you an agent of evil? DOC: Certainly hope not. CLAIRE: Then you have nothing to fear. DOC: So says YOU. CLAIRE: If you like, I can enter your mind and assuage your fears in another way. DOC: Thanks, but I don't care for anyone poking around upstairs. Plus it'd violate patient-client confidentiality in ways I don't even want to imagine. So let's just stick to chatting, and I'll do my best to ignore the presence of the literal devil. CLAIRE: So that's your solution? Pay no mind to the evil that surrounds us at all times?  DOC: I never said that. Trust me, every day I go to work I'm confronted with the evils humanity is capable of. But one of the benefits of this job is the ability to do something about it, and to help people address some of their… less beneficial tendencies. CLAIRE: Interesting outlook. Do you fancy yourself a superhero? DOC: Goodness no. I simply try my best to be a net positive for good in the world. CLAIRE: Do you have any powers? DOC: I think that's enough questions about me for now. Let's refocus the discussion a bit. Do you struggle with having to serve the Devil? CLAIRE: *hesitates* No. DOC: Forgive me for not believing you entirely. CLAIRE: It's just… I was frozen in time for sixty years. When I awoke, I thought maybe… I would be free of my burden. But it seems that I will have to do this forever. DOC: And, at the risk of sounding cliché, how does that make you feel? CLAIRE: It's… complicated. I can rid the world of evil. I've avenged my sister's killer, and so many others who would do harm to the innocent. I have powers most would only dream of. My looks will never fade nor tarnish. And still… DOC: You question whether it was worth it. CLAIRE: Every day. DOC: What do you dream about? CLAIRE: I don't sleep. At least… not in the way normal people do. It's more of a recharge after using my abilities. DOC: On one hand, I'm tempted to go down the rabbit hole of how your lack of full sleep cycles can destroy you as a functioning person, but you're probably immortal so…um…I won't. Forget the literal. What are your wishes? What's your next goal? CLAIRE: I don't think I have any. There's not much room for that sort of thing. The next soul, I guess. DOC: And how do you build your life around that? CLAIRE: I kill them. *awkward pause* Is there supposed to be something else? DOC: *exasperated* ANYTHING else. Does your boss have a quota or something? CLAIRE: He keeps track, but I don't…not really, I had a gap of decades. DOC: Then there are no excuses. You're the ultimate freelance worker. Cater your time to your whims. Relationships, hobbies, I don't care. Experiment. CLAIRE: You can sit there with a straight face and tell a psychic succubus to get a life? DOC: *gulp* Well, I…um… CLAIRE: As if I could randomly find meaning in unimportant human things anymore. What, you're going to try and be a matchmaker, too? Tinder takes on a whole new meaning around me. DOC: I don't know about any of that, but is there anyone you're the least interested in? CLAIRE: No… maybe. It's complicated. DOC: You don't want that person to get hurt in the end. CLAIRE: *pause* So it's not so complicated. Stop shutting down everything I say! DOC: I'm not shutting anything down. You put barriers up the moment you sacrificed everything so long ago. That was a temporary view you decided to make permanent for whatever your reason, and I'm sure it was good at that point. You're beyond that now, but you're still trying to make everything in the world fit inside some tiny dark space in your mind. I can flip it around so your powerful mind can master what the world can offer. CLAIRE: So you'll turn me into the greatest supervillain ever… I think my boss already has that title.  DOC: OF COURSE NOT! I'm saying…think Goth Influencer, or Demonic Consultant. You have so much to offer to society besides knocking off the next pedophile or mass murderer or whoever.  CLAIRE: But what if I don't want that attention? I don't necessarily want to be publicly known as an agent of Satan. The internal pressure is bad enough. DOC: Then be in the background; just don't bury your talent because it's based in darkness instead of light. I don't have all of the answers, but I refuse to let you wither away like a soulless husk. Plus if I'm honest, you scare me. The patients I've had who didn't try something new, just…well, it wasn't good. CLAIRE: This whole time, I've been studying your mind. Your soul, even. I can't find a bit of insincerity in anything you say. I find your view to be naive…but I can work with that. DOC: Thanks…? So does this mean you're not going to send me to your boss? CLAIRE: You're safe. For the time being, anyway. Thank you Doctor, I look forward to a future discussion.  DOC: Excellent. You can talk to my assistant and schedule your next session. CLAIRE: I think I'll just come find you if and when that moment arrives. Shall we shake on it? DOC: Y'know what, let's just wave and call it a day.  Ending (46:48) Recommended reading: The Twelve Next episodes: Penguin, Shazam, Arcade Plugs for social & GonnaGeek Network References: Ghost Trick - Doc (33:48) Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

Please enjoy this recut of our Kang episode where the segments flow in the standard order, for those people who were confused by/didn't care for the experimental nature of the original release :) Just before Quantumania releases, we travel through time with KANG THE CONQUEROR! This temporally unstable episode is our most ambitious yet - don't miss it!   Intro Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania coming out Feb. 17 - Anthony & Doc will do a review mini-episode after the film drops Background Kang the Conqueror, Nathaniel Richards, created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby Due to Kang's time-traveling abilities, his backstory, and even creation, are difficult to pin down Rama-Tut - first appeared in Fantastic Four #19 (Oct. 1963) - a time-traveling criminal from the year 3000 who went back to ancient Egypt  In Sept. 1964, in Avengers #8, Rama-Tut reveals he traveled to the year 4000 and is called Kang the Conqueror Two months later (Nov. 1964), Immortus debuts in Avengers #10, and was later retroactively revealed as another variant of Kang Another variant appears a few years later - the Scarlet Centurion (Avengers Annual #2 - Sept. 1968) A heroic version was introduced in Young Avengers #1 (Feb. 2005) - Iron Lad Later revealed that Kang is actually Nathaniel Richards, a descendant of Reed Richards' father Reed's father traveled forward to the 31st century and brought peace to a war-ravaged Earth - it was here he had a child, named Nathaniel Nathaniel grew up bored of the simple peace he lived, and when he was 16, he stole a time machine, traveled back to Egypt, and became Rama-Tut He then traveled to the “present”, where he met Dr. Doom and became inspired by him Attempting to travel to his home timeline, he passed it by a thousand years, and upon learning that he can easily take over the war-torn planet, decides to go back to when Earth was fruitful so he can make it more worthwhile Often shows up as a foe of the Avengers, but sometimes he battles the Fantastic Four Major storylines: Celestial Madonna - searching for a woman destined to carry a powerful child, he finds Mantis, but is thwarted by alternative versions of himself - here we learn that Immortus and Rama-Tut are also Kang, but after Kang overloads his armor, he destroys himself, deleting Immortus and Rama-Tut from existence as well Council of Kangs - Three variants create a triumvirate to eliminate all other versions, but Ravonna (Kang's lover) tricks one of them into death before Immortus is destroyed by Prime Kang, the only one who remains Avengers Forever - Kang rejects Immortus, and allies with the Avengers to prevent Immortus from allying with the Time Keepers - this involves keeping Rick Jones alive and Avengers from other timelines Kang Dynasty - Kang, along with his son Marcus (operating as Scarlet Centurion), takes over the Earth in order to save it from a horrific future - although he initially conquers the world, he is defeated by the Avengers, with help from a traitorous clone of Marcus, who is infatuated with Carol Danvers (not unlike another version of Marcus) Responsible for the creation of the Young Avengers - 16 year old Nate Richards is rescued by Kang and shown his future growth into the despot, but this horrifies young Nate, and he uses the time-travel technology and transports himself to the past, where he arrives as the Avengers have been disassembled - he downloads the Vision's operating system into his armor, and this amalgamation (Iron Lad) assembles a new team of younger heroes to prevent Kang from rising up in the first place Issues Hedonic adaptation and the Diderot Effect Narcissism Technophilia Break Plugs for Cheers to Comics, Adventures in Erylia, and Meghan Fitzmartin Treatment theme: Anything, but not everything In-universe Out of universe Skit KANG: And now, my boy, it is time for you to DIE! DOC: Wait, it's not supposed to happen like this! * warp sound* IRON LAD: Doctor Issues, I presume? DOC: What the - who the - what the -  IRON LAD: I understand, the whole time manipulation thing can be overwhelming.  DOC: But you were just trying to kill me! IRON LAD: Oh no, sorry, that's a different me.  DOC: Excuse me? IRON LAD: You can call me Iron Lad. Or Nate. DOC: So you're NOT trying to kill me? IRON LAD: Nope, definitely not. I had to warp you out of there, because if you died, it throws the entire timeline outta whack. DOC: But you look just like the guy I was in there…  IRON LAD: Yeah, he's me from the future, but he showed me what it looked like, and I want absolutely nothing to do with that. So I went back to the past, which is your present, to stop myself from becoming him in the future. But the Avengers were gone, so I found the Vision's brain and downloaded it into my armor, and now here I am. DOC: I'm so confused… IRON LAD:  I don't blame you. Sometimes I have to remind myself of who I am now, not who I was or who I might be. DOC: So what happens now? IRON LAD: I'm going to put you back in your office, just a liiiiitle bit earlier in the timestream, so you don't make the mistakes that lead up to whatever it was that made Kang want to kill you. DOC: That's just it, I don't even remember what it was. He just got up out of the chair and pointed a weapon at me.  IRON LAD: Sadly, that's just how he is. He gets this idea in his head, and no matter what anyone says or does, he will do it come hell or high water. Sometimes I think I do it because I don't want anyone else dictating my destiny. DOC: Are we talking about him or you? IRON LAD: Uhh… ok, time to send you back now, good luck!  DOC: Oh no, don't warp me like this, it feels like I'm *warp sound* drowning in- KANG: - the annals of history are *simultaneously* drowning in- DOC: Gaaaaah! KANG: You primitive dare interrupt Kang! You inadvertently prove my point about the vast majority of individuals who are mindless filler for the planet. Important resources wasted on people who can never comprehend how trivial their existence is to the grand scheme of time and history. That is one of my goals, to separate those who are worthy to share in the existence I plan on ushering forth from these… carbon-based cretins. And so far, you have done nothing to dissuade me from counting you in the latter group. DOC: Sorry, it's just… I wasn't feeling like myself. As to your point, philosophers have discussed the value of human existence for millenia.  KANG: Those simpering academics? Bah. Very few are capable of acknowledging the meaningless of their lives, and ironically it is those who are best equipped to assist me in my plans. DOC: So… you're looking for nihilists? KANG: Only in nihilism can you find the ultimate freedom.  DOC: I don't understand. You keep speaking in circles, can you please be direct and just - talk to me? KANG: Have we not been conversing this entire time? *Warp sound* RAMA-TUT: Don't listen to me, I can get a little long-winded sometimes. DOC: What the hell? RAMA-TUT: I am Rama-Tut. The me you were in there with is an older version of me, long after I took over ancient Egypt. DOC: How many of you are there? RAMA-TUT: There are as many variants of me as there are grains of sand in the desert. DOC: That's… unsettling. But why did you take me out of the session? RAMA-TUT: The machinations of Rama-Tut are far beyond your ken. You need only know this: for the universe to avoid never ending calamity, not only must you survive, but you must kill Kang.  DOC: Dude, if you know ANYTHING about me, you'd know I am not going to kill anyone. RAMA-TUT: All mortals have limits, and in order to preserve all of existence, you must push beyond yours. This has been foreseen, and not only by me, but by all Kangs. Why do you think he allowed himself to be captured and brought to you?  DOC: But why me? Literally anyone else could do a better job at that than me. RAMA-TUT: If I divulge that information to you, it would create dangerous ripples throughout the timestream. You must simply trust what I tell you. DOC: Not gonna happen. RAMA-TUT: Nevertheless, I will return you to your session, slightly earlier than before. Take this, it is a chronosword. You must use it to strike down Kang. It will be shielded from him until you are ready to use it. DOC: No, no, no *warp sound* for the last time- KANG: A rather foreboding introduction, Doctor. You speak as though we have met before. DOC: Uh, what I meant to say was- KANG: I have no doubt that my… variants have attempted to persuade you to kill me, have they not? DOC: I'm not exactly sure how client confidentiality works in this type of situation, but I'm gonna go ahead and just say I can't tell you what I spoke to anyyou else about. KANG: It matters not. I have foreseen this all. The entire series of events that led me, you, us to this moment. I have orchestrated what to your mind would be an incomprehensible amount of coincidences, all building up to my single greatest triumph yet. DOC: Not to be entirely self-deprecating, but if your greatest triumph involves me, somehow I think we need to reestablish your definitions of “great” and “triumph”.  KANG: So simple, and yet you have no idea your function as a keystone in the story still to be told. The annals of history are drowning in- DOC: Drowning in- Gaaaah KANG: You primitive dare interrupt Kang! You inadvertently prove my point about- IMMORTUS: *warp sound* The irony of him daring call anyone primitive. DOC: OK, you all have GOT to stop cutting me in & out. And which one are you? IMMORTUS: I am IMMORTUS. And we haven't much time. DOC: Now THAT'S ironic.  IMMORTUS: No, truly, the Time Keepers are hunting me down. I must inform you quickly. You are in grave danger. DOC: Yeah, I got that already. You're the fourth…  you to pull me out of the session already. IMMORTUS: Fourth? *counts to self* that means there's still time then. DOC: Again, we have nothing BUT time. IMMORTUS: Not true at all. Listen to me, as soon as we return, you MUST kill Kang. DOC: Like I told the other guy, that's not gonna happen. IMMORTUS: You don't understand. You must do it before you are pulled from the timestream again. If you don't, the consequences to all of existence will be dire. DOC: Yeah, I know, Kang will destroy the entire universe. IMMORTUS: No, Doctor Issues. YOU will. DOC: Wait, what?!?! IMMORTUS: It would take far too much to explain, just know that… *beep* they're on to me. I must send you back now. DOC: No, wait, come here and *warp sound* talk to me! KANG: Have we not been conversing this entire time? DOC: I… KANG: Which one was it? The whiny child? Or the one who is so certain of his immortality he named himself after it? DOC: Again, to avoid any problems with confidentiality, I can't divulge conversations with other clients, even if they're kinda sorta you. I mean, I know there have been some shenanigans here, but I don't want to keep repeating things, otherwise I might as well just be talking to myself… KANG: You have no idea how right you are, my lad… DOC: What does that mean? KANG: He hasn't told you? DOC: Who hasn't told me what? KANG: Fascinating. Then there's still time for me. Allow me to disengage these restraints- DOC: Hold on, those are state of the art, I worked with the designer personally to ensure- KANG: Yes, but as you well know Doctor, you can't defend against yourself. DOC: Huh? KANG: And now, my boy, it is time for you to DIE! NATHANIEL RICHARDS: *Warp sound* It's not supposed to happen like this. DOC: Lemme guess, you're the “he” who's supposed to reveal some big secret that's going to change everything. NATHANIEL: I am Nathaniel Richards. Father of Kang, Immortus, Rama-Tut, Iron Lad, and all Kangs across the multiverse. And I'm not just any “he”, Doctor Issues. Or should I say… grandfather. DOC: *flat* what NATHANIEL: The timestreams have been merged and diverted so often things are broken. My own memory of how this came to be betrays me. But I know this: you are my grandfather, which makes you- DOC: Ancestor of Kang. NATHANIEL: Indeed. I had hoped to get this information to you sooner, but I was attacked by- DOC: At this point, does it really matter? My entire life, my entire identity, has been thrown into question. And I don't care how much you look or sound like me, I need this information straight from the source. NATHANIEL: What? DOC: I have to go back to Kang. I need to speak to him directly. NATHANIEL: I cannot send you back to where I took you from, or you will die, and it will cause a cataclysmic chain reaction that will obliterate the very fabric of reality! DOC: Then send me back to the moment when he decides I need to die. NATHANIEL: I don't understand. DOC: Look, when I get so much hearsay, I have to strip away all opinion. If Kang wants me dead, I don't need anyone else's interpretation. Whatever he does in that moment is the only thing that can resolve this. I am his provider, and it is my duty. If you are truly of my heritage, you'll understand this, and have some faith. NATHANIEL: I admit I do not understand. But I do have faith. Just know that if this goes wrong, I cannot help you any further. DOC: I know.  NATHANIEL: Then best of luck to you, grandfather. *warp sound* DOC: Hello Kang, I'm… Doctor Issues. For the last time… KANG: A rather foreboding introduction, Doctor. You speak as though we have met before. DOC: Tell me why. KANG: That's… no…  DOC: I may not understand, but I'm ready. KANG: No no no NO NO DAMN YOU NATHANIEL. DOC: Don't blame him, this right now is about why you feel the way you do about me. KANG: For someone who claims to have an advanced education, your understanding of things is below rudimentary. You are responsible for the creation of these other… inferior variants. Ergo, I eliminate you, and they are gone. DOC: As are you. KANG: The threat of vanishing from existence has not stopped me before, and it won't now. Not when I'm so close to having all that I need. Besides, if there's no risk, there's no reward. DOC: Then why do you tell me every time? You are holding something back. From yourself. I can help you confront it. Maybe no one has to die. KANG: You are willing to gamble the fate of the entirety of existence on your ability to speak? We truly are related, ancestor, and I admire your boldness. DOC: Only you would know this. Take us to the moment where we can have the greatest influence. KANG: Very well. Prepare yourself, Doctor. This will be a showdown for the ages. *warp sound* KANG 1: *background*Fascinating. Then there's still time for me. Allow me to disengage these restraints- DOC 1: Hold on, those are state of the art, I worked with the designer personally to ensure- KANG 1: Yes, but as you well know Doctor, you can't defend against yourself.*end background* KANG 2: Here we are. DOC 2: And here you come. To think, he gets all the glory. What does that make you? KANG 2: You clever… Now I know where I get it from. *to Kang 1* You're absolutely right! DOC 1: Huh? *realizes there's another version of him & Kang in the room* WHAT IS HAPPENING KANG 2: And now, my boy, it is time for YOU to DIE! KANG 1: No, this cannot be! DOC 1: Why are there two mes? DOC 2: Long story short, it's all a big timey-wimey ball. DOC 1: How did we end up allying with HIM?!?! DOC 2: Don't worry about that. Just do me a favor, and keep an eye on who our daughter marries in the future. DOC 1: What? DOC 2: Looks like my Kang has your Kang cornered… DOC 1: But he's our… my… patient. I can't let him just do this. DOC 2: If you knew what I know- DOC 1: But I don't, and I took an oath. If you're not going to protect a person that you're responsible for, then I will. DOC 2: Wait! KANG 2: If I were a primitive I might feel shame about ending the life of someone who looks like me. But at this point… KANG 1: Spoken like a true primitive. Alas, you will be the one to fall. DOC 1: Noooo…. KANG 1 & KANG 2: *blasts*  DOC 1: AAAAAAHHHH KANG 1: *dying* Why? KANG 2: *dying* You simpleton… you have shattered the timestream… DOC 1: *dying* I… I took an oath…  DOC 2: And the first part is do no harm… DOC 1: Nok… *dies* Ending Mention timescrew as we come out of the skit Recommended reading: Kang Dynasty Next episodes: Animal sidekicks, Claire Voyant, Penguin Plugs for social References: Lisa Simpson - Anthony Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

Just before Quantumania releases, we travel through time with KANG THE CONQUEROR! This temporally unstable episode is our most ambitious yet - don't miss it!  Issue 168 - Kang the Conqueror Intro Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania coming out Feb. 17 - Anthony & Doc will do a review mini-episode after the film drops Background Kang the Conqueror, Nathaniel Richards, created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby Due to Kang's time-traveling abilities, his backstory, and even creation, are difficult to pin down Rama-Tut - first appeared in Fantastic Four #19 (Oct. 1963) - a time-traveling criminal from the year 3000 who went back to ancient Egypt  In Sept. 1964, in Avengers #8, Rama-Tut reveals he traveled to the year 4000 and is called Kang the Conqueror Two months later (Nov. 1964), Immortus debuts in Avengers #10, and was later retroactively revealed as another variant of Kang Another variant appears a few years later - the Scarlet Centurion (Avengers Annual #2 - Sept. 1968) A heroic version was introduced in Young Avengers #1 (Feb. 2005) - Iron Lad Later revealed that Kang is actually Nathaniel Richards, a descendant of Reed Richards' father Reed's father traveled forward to the 31st century and brought peace to a war-ravaged Earth - it was here he had a child, named Nathaniel Nathaniel grew up bored of the simple peace he lived, and when he was 16, he stole a time machine, traveled back to Egypt, and became Rama-Tut He then traveled to the “present”, where he met Dr. Doom and became inspired by him Attempting to travel to his home timeline, he passed it by a thousand years, and upon learning that he can easily take over the war-torn planet, decides to go back to when Earth was fruitful so he can make it more worthwhile Often shows up as a foe of the Avengers, but sometimes he battles the Fantastic Four Major storylines: Celestial Madonna - searching for a woman destined to carry a powerful child, he finds Mantis, but is thwarted by alternative versions of himself - here we learn that Immortus and Rama-Tut are also Kang, but after Kang overloads his armor, he destroys himself, deleting Immortus and Rama-Tut from existence as well Council of Kangs - Three variants create a triumvirate to eliminate all other versions, but Ravonna (Kang's lover) tricks one of them into death before Immortus is destroyed by Prime Kang, the only one who remains Avengers Forever - Kang rejects Immortus, and allies with the Avengers to prevent Immortus from allying with the Time Keepers - this involves keeping Rick Jones alive and Avengers from other timelines Kang Dynasty - Kang, along with his son Marcus (operating as Scarlet Centurion), takes over the Earth in order to save it from a horrific future - although he initially conquers the world, he is defeated by the Avengers, with help from a traitorous clone of Marcus, who is infatuated with Carol Danvers (not unlike another version of Marcus) Responsible for the creation of the Young Avengers - 16 year old Nate Richards is rescued by Kang and shown his future growth into the despot, but this horrifies young Nate, and he uses the time-travel technology and transports himself to the past, where he arrives as the Avengers have been disassembled - he downloads the Vision's operating system into his armor, and this amalgamation (Iron Lad) assembles a new team of younger heroes to prevent Kang from rising up in the first place Issues Hedonic adaptation and the Diderot Effect Narcissism Technophilia Treatment theme: Anything, but not everything In-universe -  Out of universe -  Skit KANG: And now, my boy, it is time for you to DIE! DOC: Wait, it's not supposed to happen like this! * warp sound* IRON LAD: Doctor Issues, I presume? DOC: What the - who the - what the -  IRON LAD: I understand, the whole time manipulation thing can be overwhelming.  DOC: But you were just trying to kill me! IRON LAD: Oh no, sorry, that's a different me.  DOC: Excuse me? IRON LAD: You can call me Iron Lad. Or Nate. DOC: So you're NOT trying to kill me? IRON LAD: Nope, definitely not. I had to warp you out of there, because if you died, it throws the entire timeline outta whack. DOC: But you look just like the guy I was in there…  IRON LAD: Yeah, he's me from the future, but he showed me what it looked like, and I want absolutely nothing to do with that. So I went back to the past, which is your present, to stop myself from becoming him in the future. But the Avengers were gone, so I found the Vision's brain and downloaded it into my armor, and now here I am. DOC: I'm so confused… IRON LAD:  I don't blame you. Sometimes I have to remind myself of who I am now, not who I was or who I might be. DOC: So what happens now? IRON LAD: I'm going to put you back in your office, just a liiiiitle bit earlier in the timestream, so you don't make the mistakes that lead up to whatever it was that made Kang want to kill you. DOC: That's just it, I don't even remember what it was. He just got up out of the chair and pointed a weapon at me.  IRON LAD: Sadly, that's just how he is. He gets this idea in his head, and no matter what anyone says or does, he will do it come hell or high water. Sometimes I think I do it because I don't want anyone else dictating my destiny. DOC: Are we talking about him or you? IRON LAD: Uhh… ok, time to send you back now, good luck!  DOC: Oh no, don't warp me like this, it feels like I'm *warp sound* drowning in- KANG: - the annals of history are *simultaneously* drowning in- DOC: Gaaaaah! KANG: You primitive dare interrupt Kang! You inadvertently prove my point about the vast majority of individuals who are mindless filler for the planet. Important resources wasted on people who can never comprehend how trivial their existence is to the grand scheme of time and history. That is one of my goals, to separate those who are worthy to share in the existence I plan on ushering forth from these… carbon-based cretins. And so far, you have done nothing to dissuade me from counting you in the latter group. DOC: Sorry, it's just… I wasn't feeling like myself. As to your point, philosophers have discussed the value of human existence for millenia.  KANG: Those simpering academics? Bah. Very few are capable of acknowledging the meaningless of their lives, and ironically it is those who are best equipped to assist me in my plans. DOC: So… you're looking for nihilists? KANG: Only in nihilism can you find the ultimate freedom.  DOC: I don't understand. You keep speaking in circles, can you please be direct and just - talk to me? KANG: Have we not been conversing this entire time? *Warp sound* RAMA-TUT: Don't listen to me, I can get a little long-winded sometimes. DOC: What the hell? RAMA-TUT: I am Rama-Tut. The me you were in there with is an older version of me, long after I took over ancient Egypt. DOC: How many of you are there? RAMA-TUT: There are as many variants of me as there are grains of sand in the desert. DOC: That's… unsettling. But why did you take me out of the session? RAMA-TUT: The machinations of Rama-Tut are far beyond your ken. You need only know this: for the universe to avoid never ending calamity, not only must you survive, but you must kill Kang.  DOC: Dude, if you know ANYTHING about me, you'd know I am not going to kill anyone. RAMA-TUT: All mortals have limits, and in order to preserve all of existence, you must push beyond yours. This has been foreseen, and not only by me, but by all Kangs. Why do you think he allowed himself to be captured and brought to you?  DOC: But why me? Literally anyone else could do a better job at that than me. RAMA-TUT: If I divulge that information to you, it would create dangerous ripples throughout the timestream. You must simply trust what I tell you. DOC: Not gonna happen. RAMA-TUT: Nevertheless, I will return you to your session, slightly earlier than before. Take this, it is a chronosword. You must use it to strike down Kang. It will be shielded from him until you are ready to use it. DOC: No, no, no *warp sound* for the last time- KANG: A rather foreboding introduction, Doctor. You speak as though we have met before. DOC: Uh, what I meant to say was- KANG: I have no doubt that my… variants have attempted to persuade you to kill me, have they not? DOC: I'm not exactly sure how client confidentiality works in this type of situation, but I'm gonna go ahead and just say I can't tell you what I spoke to anyyou else about. KANG: It matters not. I have foreseen this all. The entire series of events that led me, you, us to this moment. I have orchestrated what to your mind would be an incomprehensible amount of coincidences, all building up to my single greatest triumph yet. DOC: Not to be entirely self-deprecating, but if your greatest triumph involves me, somehow I think we need to reestablish your definitions of “great” and “triumph”.  KANG: So simple, and yet you have no idea your function as a keystone in the story still to be told. The annals of history are drowning in- DOC: Drowning in- Gaaaah KANG: You primitive dare interrupt Kang! You inadvertently prove my point about- IMMORTUS: *warp sound* The irony of him daring call anyone primitive. DOC: OK, you all have GOT to stop cutting me in & out. And which one are you? IMMORTUS: I am IMMORTUS. And we haven't much time. DOC: Now THAT'S ironic.  IMMORTUS: No, truly, the Time Keepers are hunting me down. I must inform you quickly. You are in grave danger. DOC: Yeah, I got that already. You're the fourth…  you to pull me out of the session already. IMMORTUS: Fourth? *counts to self* that means there's still time then. DOC: Again, we have nothing BUT time. IMMORTUS: Not true at all. Listen to me, as soon as we return, you MUST kill Kang. DOC: Like I told the other guy, that's not gonna happen. IMMORTUS: You don't understand. You must do it before you are pulled from the timestream again. If you don't, the consequences to all of existence will be dire. DOC: Yeah, I know, Kang will destroy the entire universe. IMMORTUS: No, Doctor Issues. YOU will. DOC: Wait, what?!?! IMMORTUS: It would take far too much to explain, just know that… *beep* they're on to me. I must send you back now. DOC: No, wait, come here and *warp sound* talk to me! KANG: Have we not been conversing this entire time? DOC: I… KANG: Which one was it? The whiny child? Or the one who is so certain of his immortality he named himself after it? DOC: Again, to avoid any problems with confidentiality, I can't divulge conversations with other clients, even if they're kinda sorta you. I mean, I know there have been some shenanigans here, but I don't want to keep repeating things, otherwise I might as well just be talking to myself… KANG: You have no idea how right you are, my lad… DOC: What does that mean? KANG: He hasn't told you? DOC: Who hasn't told me what? KANG: Fascinating. Then there's still time for me. Allow me to disengage these restraints- DOC: Hold on, those are state of the art, I worked with the designer personally to ensure- KANG: Yes, but as you well know Doctor, you can't defend against yourself. DOC: Huh? KANG: And now, my boy, it is time for you to DIE! NATHANIEL RICHARDS: *Warp sound* It's not supposed to happen like this. DOC: Lemme guess, you're the “he” who's supposed to reveal some big secret that's going to change everything. NATHANIEL: I am Nathaniel Richards. Father of Kang, Immortus, Rama-Tut, Iron Lad, and all Kangs across the multiverse. And I'm not just any “he”, Doctor Issues. Or should I say… grandfather. DOC: *flat* what NATHANIEL: The timestreams have been merged and diverted so often things are broken. My own memory of how this came to be betrays me. But I know this: you are my grandfather, which makes you- DOC: Ancestor of Kang. NATHANIEL: Indeed. I had hoped to get this information to you sooner, but I was attacked by- DOC: At this point, does it really matter? My entire life, my entire identity, has been thrown into question. And I don't care how much you look or sound like me, I need this information straight from the source. NATHANIEL: What? DOC: I have to go back to Kang. I need to speak to him directly. NATHANIEL: I cannot send you back to where I took you from, or you will die, and it will cause a cataclysmic chain reaction that will obliterate the very fabric of reality! DOC: Then send me back to the moment when he decides I need to die. NATHANIEL: I don't understand. DOC: Look, when I get so much hearsay, I have to strip away all opinion. If Kang wants me dead, I don't need anyone else's interpretation. Whatever he does in that moment is the only thing that can resolve this. I am his provider, and it is my duty. If you are truly of my heritage, you'll understand this, and have some faith. NATHANIEL: I admit I do not understand. But I do have faith. Just know that if this goes wrong, I cannot help you any further. DOC: I know.  NATHANIEL: Then best of luck to you, grandfather. *warp sound* DOC: Hello Kang, I'm… Doctor Issues. For the last time… KANG: A rather foreboding introduction, Doctor. You speak as though we have met before. DOC: Tell me why. KANG: That's… no…  DOC: I may not understand, but I'm ready. KANG: No no no NO NO DAMN YOU NATHANIEL. DOC: Don't blame him, this right now is about why you feel the way you do about me. KANG: For someone who claims to have an advanced education, your understanding of things is below rudimentary. You are responsible for the creation of these other… inferior variants. Ergo, I eliminate you, and they are gone. DOC: As are you. KANG: The threat of vanishing from existence has not stopped me before, and it won't now. Not when I'm so close to having all that I need. Besides, if there's no risk, there's no reward. DOC: Then why do you tell me every time? You are holding something back. From yourself. I can help you confront it. Maybe no one has to die. KANG: You are willing to gamble the fate of the entirety of existence on your ability to speak? We truly are related, ancestor, and I admire your boldness. DOC: Only you would know this. Take us to the moment where we can have the greatest influence. KANG: Very well. Prepare yourself, Doctor. This will be a showdown for the ages. *warp sound* KANG 1: *background*Fascinating. Then there's still time for me. Allow me to disengage these restraints- DOC 1: Hold on, those are state of the art, I worked with the designer personally to ensure- KANG 1: Yes, but as you well know Doctor, you can't defend against yourself.*end background* KANG 2: Here we are. DOC 2: And here you come. To think, he gets all the glory. What does that make you? KANG 2: You clever… Now I know where I get it from. *to Kang 1* You're absolutely right! DOC 1: Huh? *realizes there's another version of him & Kang in the room* WHAT IS HAPPENING KANG 2: And now, my boy, it is time for YOU to DIE! KANG 1: No, this cannot be! DOC 1: Why are there two mes? DOC 2: Long story short, it's all a big timey-wimey ball. DOC 1: How did we end up allying with HIM?!?! DOC 2: Don't worry about that. Just do me a favor, and keep an eye on who our daughter marries in the future. DOC 1: What? DOC 2: Looks like my Kang has your Kang cornered… DOC 1: But he's our… my… patient. I can't let him just do this. DOC 2: If you knew what I know- DOC 1: But I don't, and I took an oath. If you're not going to protect a person that you're responsible for, then I will. DOC 2: Wait! KANG 2: If I were a primitive I might feel shame about ending the life of someone who looks like me. But at this point… KANG 1: Spoken like a true primitive. Alas, you will be the one to fall. DOC 1: Noooo…. KANG 1 & KANG 2: *blasts*  DOC 1: AAAAAAHHHH KANG 1: *dying* Why? KANG 2: *dying* You simpleton… you have shattered the timestream… DOC 1: *dying* I… I took an oath…  DOC 2: And the first part is do no harm… DOC 1: Nok… *dies* Ending Mention timescrew as we come out of the skit Recommended reading: Kang Dynasty Next episodes: Animal sidekicks, Claire Voyant, Penguin Plugs for social References: Lisa Simpson - Anthony Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

We wrap up Lantern Month with a case study in PTSD, Jessica Cruz! Lock yourself in your apartment and listen now!  Issue 167 - Jessica Cruz Intro Thanks to everyone who joined us for the watch party Background (1:56) Jessica Cruz created by Geoff Johns, Ivan Reis, Doug Mahnke, and Ethan Van Sciver in Justice League #30 (July 2014) Jessica was on a camping trip with her friends when they witnessed mobsters burying a body - the mobsters killed her friends to prevent witnesses, but Jessica escaped When she returned, she suffered from anxiety attacks and agoraphobia, and locked herself in her apartment for four years When the Crime Syndicate of Earth-3 came to the planet and Power Ring was killed, his ring found Jessica and bonded to her because of her fear - the ring took over and led to her attacking the Justice League & Doom Patrol With the help of Batman & Hal Jordan, she learned to use the ring and control it, instead of letting it control her During the Darkseid War, his daughter Grail summoned the Black Racer to kill the Flash, she managed to overtake the ring's control long enough to jump in front and attack the Black Racer - it killed the entity in the ring, and left Jessica presumably dead, until a Green Lantern ring approached her and turned her into the newest Earth Lantern Hal partners her with Simon Baz, the other new Earth Lantern, and right after they start working together, they have to take on Atrocitus and the Red Lantern Corps, who are constructing a Hell Tower on Earth - they destroy the tower, but the Rage Seed was still implanted in the Earth She joins the Justice League, and helps them take on Doctor Manhattan (unsuccessfully) Gets stranded on an outpost alone in space for a year, and managed to fight off Sinestro Corps members when they came to the station in search of supplies - she earns a yellow ring after this, and joins the Sinestro Corps as the Lantern of 2814 Issues - Theme is “You got this… but what if you don't?” (6:48) PTSD - Agoraphobia PTSD - Anxiety (13:05) PTSD - Imposter syndrome (20:41) Break (31:31) Plugs for SNEScapades, Last Sons of Krypton, and Jeremy Whitley Treatment (33:25) In-universe & out of universe are the same -  Skit (feat. Lauren from Legends of SHIELD) (39:02) DOC: Hello Jessica, I'm Dr. Issues JESS: *deep breath & exhale* Hello Doctor DOC: What can I do for you? JESS: Well to be honest I'm a little creeped out DOC: Why is that? JESS: This isn't what I expected.  Your office is… unique DOC: I have to admit I've made some recent changes.  I have to keep up with the latest breakthroughs in therapy. JESS: It looks like you may have gone backwards instead. DOC: What do you mean? JESS: Well, first of all I thought there would be a couch.  Why is there a beanbag? And what is that lavender smell? DOC: I have come to realize that the environment is very important for patients to get better.  That beanbag is warm and comforting and lavender is known to be very soothing.  But I didn't stop there.  I'm sure you've noticed that tall lamp as well. JESS: Yeah, I think that's something that I should really talk to you about. It looks like something I've been… Researching. DOC: it's part of my new concierge model.  I want to be able to dedicate myself to my patients more and in a fashion that will allow for the best results while not stressing me out.  But I apologize, I just realize I haven't really focused on why you want my help in the first place. JESS: ‘Cause I've been through some bad stuff, that's why.  And there are some serious times I feel like I can't do this at all.  DOC: Well I can't blame you for feeling that way. That's pretty common.  What does that do to you emotionally? JESS: It makes me wanna jump out of my skin sometimes.  I become a nervous wreck.  DOC: Anxiety.  Got it.  But I notice with what you have, clearly you have been managing very well for yourself. JESS: What, the ring?  That's part of the problem. Everybody thinks I have it all put together.  *Scoffs* It makes me feel like an impostor.  DOC: What's that saying, “dress for the job you want?” JESS: You're one to talk.  *Sarcasm* You don't really dress like a DOCTOR DOC: You know, I used to dress up in a full suit, but then I became more comfortable with who I am so I dress the way I want. JESS: Is that why you went with this color scheme for the office?  To match your personal preference? DOC: If you must know, I actually picked this as a compromise.  My favorite color is blue, and my daughter enjoys purple, so somewhere in between seems fitting. *pause* Why are you so fascinated with the random intricacies of my decor?  I'm supposed to get to know your situation, not the other way around. JESS: *sigh* Is it really that obvious? DOC: You have been fidgeting for quite a while, you constantly look over your shoulder, and so far all you've done is critique me to the point that if I weren't so chill about all of this I'd be insulted. JESS: Like I said I've been through a lot in my life. It pays to be safe. DOC: I don't expect you to go into details, but if you could at least identify what type of trauma you've had it would be helpful. JESS: My face, rather my EYE, gives it away.  You're not stupid. DOC: That definitely looks like a source of pain and I'm sorry.  But there's more to it than that. You seem distracted.  Is there anything else? JESS: You're definitely perceptive, I'll give you that. *grunts* I can't do this, ok? *angry* I CAN'T DO THIS DOC: Whoa! I didn't mean to get you that upset JESS: Well you did…  Not you really…but…what you're doing DOC: I'm doing my job JESS: No you're doing someone else's job, and that's what I'm trying to figure out…this could have been simple…*changes to authoritative tone* this is official green lantern corp business.  This office has been on our radar for months.  We know who comes in and out of here but lately, something has changed. *sound effect for powering up* Please provide us with the appropriate information, or I may have to use force. DOC: Well at least you're nicer than the joint commission. *sigh*OK here goes.  I've made a deal with a private equity firm… Of sorts.  It's not a complete buyout so I still have significant control.  Heck, they didn't even want money.  They just wanted my office to be able to accommodate certain situations, along with my professional expertise. JESS: Is that how you brainwashed Guy Gardner into thinking you're the best psychiatrist ever? DOC: What?  No, I JESS: * interrupting* and is that how you survived ATROCITUS without being obliterated? DOC: He just left on his own! I thought I was going to die! JESS: *phone rings* This call is important.  Don't…move… DOC: *surprisingly calm* wouldn't dream of it JESS: Hello…what? That was never supposed to happen in our lifetime…I'm not… you can't …someone else …ANYBODY else…you're asking for failure! No! * hangs up* We have to leave now! *panicked* NOW! DOC: * phone rings* apparently it's my turn JESS: I don't care…it's not that important DOC: You don't know that *answers* hello this is Dr. Issues…  I didn't realize it was you.  Yes I do think that's relevant to what's going on right now.  I guess it fits in with being audited.  Okay I'll put in the orders JESS: We don't have time for this, we have to leave.  There's a creature that can destroy us all coming here right now and he is not about making friends.  It's another lantern…  The only orange one!  DOC: *interrupting* Nope actually we have to stay. More importantly, when I tell you, you have to open that door. JESS: The closet?  You're gonna have us hide in the closet? This is ridiculous. DOC: We're not going in. He is. JESS: You're not trapping the greediest being in the universe in the closet! DOC: * deep sigh* Please understand that I am terrified right now and the only reason I'm keeping calm is that this is what happens to me when I know there are things that must be done.  So for the sake of your life, mine, and everyone that we care about, just open the door when I say so. I'm begging you. JESS: And when this doesn't work…? DOC: Then I know I will have done everything I could and I know a hero such as yourself will fight to her last breath…  But I hope it doesn't come to that. JESS: Every day is a fight.  Every moment.  The choice to get out of bed.  To eat. To smile.  Everyone takes that for granted.  And you really think I could fight that…  whatever it is when it gets here? DOC: Thank you for fighting, and winning all of those so far.  So much anxiety is about “what if,“ and you have to keep proving yourself.  The good news is there will come a day where you don't have to ask that question anymore.  Maybe today's the day. ***chant of MINE IS MINE AND MINE AND MINE AND MINE AND MINE AND MINE *** DOC: NOW! ***scream of NOOOOOOOT YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUURS*** *** door opens then slams shut *** JESS: What was in- DOC: *answers phone again* Yes I was already putting them in…  I think the HalJordanol should work if it's administered as an inhalant.  I'll admit I don't know what the normal vital signs should be…  Not aware of any next of kin listed.  Estimated length of stay 5 to 7 days or epochs, whatever term is appropriate. *hangs up* JESS: What did you do? DOC: It will all make sense if you open the door again. JESS: Are you insane? We can't let him-  *stops abruptly* He's not in there, is he? DOC: See for yourself JESS: *opens door* It's empty…  And it looks like a hospital room? DOC: Crisis area.  I'm not a contractor but I'm guessing there is some inter-dimensional stuff at play. JESS: Then where is he now? DOC: To be honest I don't know how to describe it, but if a hospital is the best analog, let's just say he's being held for observation with a plan to return to his residence. JESS: There is no way the Guardians authorized this DOC: I'm no expert in those types of discussions.  All I know is, I have someone who can give a proper report of a system like this working for the first time. JESS: You'll need some official documentation DOC: Right now the best I can do is my card JESS: I can't read it…  It's like it's in some sort of alien language. DOC: Yeah I actually can't read it either but for some reason I can understand it.  They messed up my name though. It says “Dr. Ishigo.” They also said that this is only for Lantern situations. JESS: I don't think that's a mistake.  DOC: Nok. Ending (50:13) Recommended reading: Green Lanterns Next episodes: Ted Anderson interview, Animal sidekicks, Kang the Conqueror Plugs for social Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

Intro More full recap in the catch-up episode Long & short - dropped BetterHelp, joined GonnaGeek, started a TikTok New Patrons - Mayors Allison & Birju, and Humble Citizen Joshua  Background  Invisible Woman (Susan Storm) created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby in The Fantastic Four #1 (Nov 1961) Sue Storm is a founding member of the Fantastic Four - hit by cosmic rays during a space flight, and gained the power to turn invisible She and her brother Johnny grew up on Long Island - after their mother accidentally died in a car accident, their father became an alcoholic who went to prison for accidentally killing a loan shark Sue met her future husband Reed Richards when she was a young girl - when she got older, she met Reed again and they connected, eventually dating prior to the spaceflight As a member of the FF, Sue is originally meek and withdrawn, her invisibility only coming in handy to help the team when stealth is needed - she goes by the codename Invisible Girl She later discovers she can project invisible force fields, and with this new power comes a new self-confidence She and Reed get married, and she becomes pregnant with a child, Franklin - she leaves the team, and Johnny's girlfriend (the Inhuman Crystal) joins the team in her place The other team members travel to the Negative Zone to acquire the Cosmic Control Rod to help with Sue's pregnancy, since her irradiated body makes carrying a child difficult - after Franklin's birth, Annilhilus releases Franklin's full powerset - to protect the world, Reed shuts down Franklin's mind, causing Sue to leave him #BecauseComics They later reconcile with the help of Namor the Sub-Mariner, a romantic foil for Sue Sue's second pregnancy is stillborn, and her ensuing depression leads Psycho-Man to manipulate her into becoming Malice, Mistress of Hate - after Reed manipulates her into hating him legitimately, Psycho-Man's control is broken, and Sue puts him into a coma - the situation has a lasting impact on Sue, who changes her name to Invisible Woman, as the innocence within her died Sue takes over the FF during Reed's apparent death - he was time-displaced, and Sue's love for him never wavered despite entreaties from Namor The team encounters Valeria Von Doom, a being from an alternate future who is the child of Sue & Dr. Doom - Franklin later admits that after Sue's stillbirth, he created an alternate world where the child survived - Valeria is recreated as a baby in Sue's womb, and Dr. Doom assists in the childbirth - she is named Valeria after Victor's first true love #BecauseComics During Secret Invasion, she is kidnapped and taken out by Lyja, Johnny's ex-wife, who then posed as Sue to infiltrate the Baxter Building - Sue was rescued after the Invasion was turned back Secret Wars - On a ship trying to escape the Incursion, Sue and the entire FF minus Reed were killed when the ship was ripped apart - when Reed gained the Beyonders' ability after God Emperor Doom was defeated, he resurrected everyone who was killed, including his family Current runs Issues - Theme is Being noticed  Jeanine - Being a strong woman in a male-dominated field & family Jeanine - Working with significant other & brother Philosophy/Psychology behind invisibility Break Plugs for Play Comics, Popcorn Psychology, and Howard Mackie Treatment  In-universe - Give someone else power of invisibility, so Sue can see what it's like to be on the other side Out of universe -  Skit (feat. Lauren from Legends of SHIELD)  DOC: Hello Sue, I'm Dr. Issues.  SUE: Hello, doctor, thanks for taking the time to speak with me. DOC: So, what can I do for you today?  SUE: Anything that you consider important would be a big help to me. DOC: That's rather flattering, but I don't typically take the lead in a session unless it's absolutely necessary.  SUE: That's a change for me. I usually have to pick and choose my spots depending on what's going on by the hour. DOC: Don't we all. I don't discriminate amongst topics, but the most common are relationships, work, family…feel free to interject  SUE: I could write a book on all of those at this point. But, for the sake of simplicity, let's start with my husband. *sigh* DOC: Was that a sigh of how much you love him, or being exasperated with him? SUE: *half statement/half question* Both…? Reed is…well, I do my homework, so I know you've met Reed…of a kind.  DOC: Yessss, yes. He was…eccentric  SUE: You're being kind for no reason. He's a narcissist. You can say it.  DOC: But that Reed was trying to take over the universe  SUE: And mine is always trying to save it. Doesn't change the personality traits. *pause* And still, I know he loves me. He doesn't stray, he doesn't look to complain, and he's brilliant. Who am I to argue? DOC: Based on your description, you may be placing your emotional responses secondary to the idealistic view of your bond. That's difficult.  SUE: It's harder now because I handle things differently. I used to acquiesce to his whims, but I don't need to do that anymore. I'm not subservient. I can hold my own. But…sometimes it gets one-sided. I can find ways to make him the center of my world, but he doesn't do the same. That's not fair.  DOC: Indeed. I won't disagree with that. Do you have some way to cope with something that's gone on this long, or are you actually looking to change along with him? Maybe a couples sess  SUE: *interrupting* NO. No…look, no offense, but I think any couples session you would try with both of us would end up looking at things from his view because that's just how things work. DOC: Fair enough.  SUE: If only he could…nevermind, that's dangerous. DOC: What?  SUE: See…I've had a perspective about my love with him that's unbreakable at this point. I'm not saying it to boast, but we've been tested repeatedly. I'm not going to waste my breath…ugh, why am I waffling about this? DOC: I dunno, if it's about wanderlust  SUE: Namor. DOC: *pause* Huh. Well, then. This is a rare time that I must acknowledge I have no personal knowledge of that person, but  SUE: *interrupting* I'm sure at this point he'd be considered a stalker in every sense of the word, and I don't think restraining orders are effective against a guy like that. But he won't DO anything if I don't allow it…have you ever heard of “what-if?” He burns that into anyone's soul he comes across. DOC: So I should delete this unsolicited email that says “URGENT MATTER RE: SAVING SUE FROM A MUNDANE LIFE PLEASE OPEN IMMEDIATELY FOR THE GOOD OF THE WORLD” ?  SUE: That sounds on brand. Any opportunity to woo me, even if it's meant to be a confidential situation.  DOC: You seem unphased by that. I'm legitimately concerned for the wellbeing of you and the ones you love!  SUE: Ugh, you too? Please. A word of advice from the one considered the client: I've done this for a long time. You don't have to protect me. I'm sure it comes from a place of decency, but I'd rather have a sense of respect. DOC: Point taken. I concede that you must be an expert negotiator and clearly not a hostage. I think there's something underlying that.  SUE: Plenty of practice. Love and loss, doctor. Love and loss…and war. DOC: Loss and war? Ouch. What's that about?  SUE: If you don't mind, the loss part…let's not go there right now.  DOC: OK, what about war?  SUE: I've hinted that I can deal with men fighting as the lone woman in the room. Well, it's easier when it's over me. The challenge is when everyone else is picking their own battles and I'm expected to choose sides. DOC: My bias is to pick my own side, but I know that doesn't work for everyone. Who are you referencing?  SUE: You know more than you think. You met Ben, right?  DOC: Nice guy. Really smart. Self deprecating  SUE: Ahhhh, so you were willing to cut to the heart of who he is but not Reed? Anyway, he tends to get into it with my brother. A Lot. DOC: I'm sure it's just  SUE: HE CRUMPLED JOHNNY'S CAR INTO A BALL AFTER JOHNNY SHOT A FIREBALL INTO HIS FACE. DOC: That….yeah, that's intense. And you all work together? If I may  SUE: *rapid-fire, as though she's run through this list numerous times* If you ask about splitting up, keeping distance, having a mediator, finding methods to nullify powers, go into other planes of existence, seek some sort of magical conduit to channel a better life, or fight to the death (I'd WIN, by the way) then you are barking up the wrong tree. DOC: You came up with all of that much quicker than I would have anticipated. I don't know if that's due to imaginative emotional catharsis or…uh…I'll just stick with that.  SUE: Thank you. The point is, it's  a challenge to deal with. And don't get me started on parenting. It seems like I'm the only one that considers the details, but everyone else wants to just look at the big picture. DOC: They get the highlights, you get the unedited blooper reel. Got it.  SUE: Spot on! So…what do I do about it? All of it? DOC: Please take this with the kind nature that I'm relaying…with all due respect…in the nicest way...all things considered… SUE: Spill it DOC: I HAVE NO CLUE! You have just told me an incredibly complex dynamic of lifetime egos looking to coexist while leaning on you for servicing their physical and spiritual needs at the highest level, and you've not only survived, but in some way THRIVED despite all of this. I can be your vent man. I can look for blind spots, or should I say invis  SUE: You're on a roll, don't ruin it DOC: Sorry. The point is, I can offer an outside perspective that coaches you towards self-actualization rather than a pill pusher that is trying to find problems. Maybe you needed to hear that. I don't know.  SUE: *pause* You're serious about that? DOC: Yes!  SUE: Just do me a favor then. DOC: What's that?  SUE: *sound of phone notification* Here's a separate email address to forward any of Namor's…nonsense. Trust me. It's better to have a log so I don't have to repeat myself. This stuff happens in real time.  DOC: *shudders* Ending (64:16) Recommended reading: Any FF run, or the Invisible Woman miniseries by Mark Waid Next episodes: Gambit, Mystique, Poison Ivy Review read: Lizardprince222 - Found this show at the beginning of the pandemic. It quickly became my Wednesday morning ritual. Not only is this podcast entertaining and comics focused. It is also a fun opportunity for introspective moments. Anthony & Doc Issues put in so much time and dedication into this podcast  and it shows with every episode. 100/10 would recommend. Plugs for social Episode Transcript Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook TikTok  Patreon TeePublic Discord

It's our 150th episode, so to celebrate we opted to do an AMA. At least that was the plan at first…  Intro Podchaser - Reviews4Good Thank yous to everyone AMA portion Scariest podcasting moment? - @MikeyGeek  Have you read any IDW Transformers comics? What are your thoughts? - I Understood That Reference How has doing the podcast changed you? - Dr Goku from GuardiansMH If you could pick a fictional character to have on the couch, who would it be? - Patron Matt & Lissy What are your early comic memories/what sparked your love of comics? - Patron Matt & Lissy Since Anthony is a lawyer, would he represent you in court for a malpractice case? -Anonymous Is there any time when you recommend comics to your patients? -Anonymous Are there any episodes that you would recommend starting with besides the first one? -Anonymous Skit  DOC: OK, so let's go to the next quest*buzz-phone call* oh, sorry, must've forgotten to turn it off. Lemme just check, it might be work. *beat* I don't recognize this number. Could be work? Hello? HANK: Hello Doctor Issues… DOC: Who is this? HANK: You tried to get me to move on, but all that did was cause me greater grief. So now I'm back to have my revenge. Not just on Superman, but on you. DOC: Hank Henshaw? I never tried to get you to move on from Terri, I simply told you to focus your energy, sorry, no pun intended, on a healthier way to honor her memory.  HANK: I tried that. I worked on creating a permanent tribute to her online. I made that Instagram profile of her, and it worked for a while. I was going to use her internet fame to support organizations that she cared about. You know what happened? Crypto bros took her pictures, turned them into NFTs, and started selling them online. So I found every single one of them and killed them all. And then I turned my attention to you. DOC: Dear God, man. HANK: I thought about killing you, but that would be too easy. Plus there's a good chance that blue bastard would come and rescue you. So I opted to hurt you in another way. DOC: If you harm my family… HANK: Oh no, Doc, this is much worse than that. You know, it's funny how simple it is to break past encryption when you're living inside the system. All these patient files, each one tells a story. DOC: You can't do that! HANK: DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO! I'm Hank Henshaw, and I'm beholden to no man. Say, these files are so interesting, I think the rest of the world should have the opportunity to see what you wrote here… DOC: Don't you dare… HANK: Oh, you think this is a comic book where you can stop me? I already released the files online, Doc. Good luck trying to get the toothpaste back in the tube now… hahahaha ANTHONY: Everything ok, bro? DOC: No, definitely not. I need to get back to my office NOW. And I have to make a few phone calls… *dialing noise* c'mon, pick up pick up pick up… TONY STARK: Y'ello? DOC: Tony, thank goodness you picked up. TONY: Uh, who is this? DOC: It's Doctor Issues. We had a therapy session a few years ago, I don't know if you remember TONY: Oh I remember you. Kinda. We split the Glenlivet, right? DOC: We didn't really split it, so much as you drank it and then split. Anyway, listen, I need your help. One of my clients, a bad dude, he got into my patient files and released them all online. I need you to get them off the Internet and make sure no one has access to them again. TONY: Hoo boy, that is quite a quandary. So you're telling me that your files on every single one of your patients, including me, is now out there online? DOC: Yes, but- TONY: Interesting. Jarvis, bring up my file. JARVIS: I'm not sure that's a wise course of action, sir. TONY: If I'm going to help Doc, I need to know what I'm dealing with. DOC: Tony, please, just TONY: Uh-uh, hold on just a sec. Mmmmhmmm… DOC: We don't have time, the sooner we get started on this the sooner we can shut this down and stop anyone else from reading their files. TONY: Yes, because heaven forbid anyone learn that you think they're, what was it again, a narcissist who uses alcohol as a means of self-medication to avoid addressing past traumas? Did I have that right? DOC: Tony, you were drinking in the session and left because you got bored of things. It's not pretty to read, but I stand by my assessment. I also indicated you performed great things in spite of that. TONY: Well, in spite of your compliment, I'm going to tell you to kiss my ass, Doc. Find another lackey to help you clean up your mess. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to exercise my demons with a little racquetball. And the only drinking I'll be doing is my C4 energy drink. Happy? DOC: Not really, I mean TONY: Wasn't talking to you. Happy, bring the car around. And my gym bag better not smell like the insides of your shoes again, or so help me I'll *click* DOC: Dammit! OK, think, who else can I call? Oh, I know! UATU: DOCTOR ISSUES! DOC: What the? UATU: YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED. DOC: Uatu? Not now. UATU: THIS WAS NOT A REQUEST. *teleportation sound effect* DOC: NO! I need to get back to Earth! Do you know what I'm dealing with? UATU: OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING. I FORESAW THIS HAPPENING. DOC: I thought you couldn't see the future. UATU: I CANNOT. BUT I CAN SEE ALL ACTIONS HAPPENING ACROSS THE UNIVERSE AT ONCE, AND I CAN PREDICT WITH A HIGH RATE OF PROBABILITY WHAT WILL OCCUR. YOUR DISMISSAL OF HANK HENSHAW WAS LIKELY TO DRIVE HIM TO SEEK REVENGE. DOC: I didn't dismiss him, I simply… we're getting off topic. Why am I here? UATU: I AM FORBIDDEN FROM INTERFERING IN THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS, I AM MERELY AN OBSERVER. DOC: First off, that's ridiculous, you've interfered I don't know how many times. Secondly, bringing me here to the moon is interference by itself - if you wanted to observe, you could've just left me on Earth. UATU: OH, IS THIS UPSETTING TO YOU? DOES THIS MAKE YOU MAD? DOC: Yes it does! UATU: WELL NOW YOU HAVE A MILD INKLING OF HOW I FEEL. I BORE OF YOUR INCESSANT JOKES ABOUT WATCHING PEOPLE MASTURBATE AND ENGAGE IN VARIOUS SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS.  DOC: So you dragged me up here, in the middle of the biggest professional and personal crisis I've ever encountered, just because you're mad I made jokes about you? UATU: YES. DOC: What the hell, man! You're an interdimensional being with the powers of a god, why are you so focused on being this petty? UATU: BECAUSE I CAN, THAT'S WHY.  DOC: Can you just send me back, please? You made your point. UATU: FINE. BUT IF I HEAR YOU MAKING ONE MORE UATU IS WATCHING YOU JOKE, I WILL TELEPORT YOU TO A REGION OF SPACE WHERE YOU WILL NEVER BE FOUND. *teleportation sound* AND HERE'S A MIDDLE FINGER. I HOPE YOU CAN SEE THIS, BECAUSE I'M DOING IT AS HARD AS I CAN. DOC: Ugh, that was not fun. Also, why do I feel like he's flipping me off? Anyway, I need to get to the office. Lemme check Uber… 17 minutes? Nope, too long. Uhh… oh great, first bit of good luck today. TAXI! *tires squeal* JAKE: Where to, pal? DOC: The central office plaza downtown, and step on it! JAKE: Sure thing, buddy. *car door closes, drives off* DOC: Thanks. Say, you look kinda familiar. Do I know you? JAKE: Hmm… I don't remember you, and I'm pretty good with remembering folks. I just have one o'dem faces. DOC: Are you sure? I seem to recall meeting you at some point. Not too often you encounter folks with a Chicago accent here. JAKE: We're more common than you realize. We move all over da place. DOC: OK, that's fair, I grant you. STEVEN: Grant? Oh my, I detest when this occurs. DOC: What the… oh great, of all the taxis I hadda find… STEVEN: Rest assured, good sir, this is equally embarrassing to me as it is to you.  DOC: Somehow I don't think that's the case. STEVEN: Ahh yes, you're referring to the incident with the patient files? DOC: You know about that already? STEVEN: Yes, the matter was brought to my attention earlier by my social media team. Got an alert when my name popped up in trending files. Had to send my PR staff into high alert to address some of the more… unsavory aspects. DOC: Jeez, and I don't even recall saying anything that bad. I guess it's just the specter of negativity that you have to deal with. MARC: Spector? Aww s**t, now I'm in charge. C'mon Jake, where are we supposed to be going? DOC: Wait, who am I talking to now? And what do you mean where are we going? Don't you share this info between identities? MARC: What would be most comforting for you to hear? DOC: If that's how you're asking the question, I have a feeling no answer is actually going to be comforting. MARC: Not gonna lie to you, Doc, you're not that wrong. Truth is, when this happens, I just kinda drive around in circles and hope that Jake sees something familiar enough that he takes the wheel again. Literally and figuratively. DOC: I don't have time for this. Stop the car. MARC: But what about DOC: Talk to Steven, I'm sure he can afford to pick up the tab. *car door opens & closes* Well, I'm not that far away, guess I can walk. In the meantime… *dialing sound* pick up, Bruce, pick up…  BATMAN: (voicemail) If you feel the need to leave a voicemail, you're not using the proper channels. Contact the right people and they'll alert me accordingly. DOC: DAMMIT BRUCE! Ugh. OK, next one. C'mon Dick… DICK: (voicemail) This is Dick. If this is about business, leave your name and number. If you want to get back to business, I'll call you when I need you. DOC: How about neither… fine, let's try Jason? JASON: Hello: DOC: Jason? It's Doctor Issues. JASON: I was wondering if you'd call.  DOC: Listen, I need help.  JASON: I'm sure you do. So in your greatest moment of need, you reach out to someone, hoping they'll faithfully support you and assist you? DOC: Yes! JASON: Sure is a bitch when it doesn't work out in your favor, isn't it? *click* DOC: WHAT? No no no no… fine, I guess I'll try Tim. TIM: Hello? DOC: Oh, thank goodness, Tim, I TIM: Haha, gotcha. Thought I was answering the phone. Oh man, I'm sure you're probably pretty pissed at me. Which you would tell me, except I'm not available right now. So go ahead and leave me a message, and I'll call you back. DOC: Oh that is NOT COOL, Tim. *sigh* I guess now I'm up to Damian. VOICE: The number you have dialed has not established a voicemail service. DOC: OH COME ON!!! Umm… wait, do I have her number… YES! Oh please please please… STEPHANIE: Hello? DOC: Hello, Stephanie? STEPHANIE: Who is this? DOC: My name is Doctor Issues, I've worked with several of your… colleagues. STEPHANIE: Who? DOC: Dick, Jason, Tim… Bruce… they all STEPHANIE: No, I mean who are you? DOC: I'm… I'm Dr. Issues, I'm their psychiatrist. STEPHANIE: Never heard of you. DOC: Wait, what? STEPHANIE: And how did you get this number? DOC: Because they… I mean you… STEPHANIE: Please don't call me again. *click* DOC: So much for that angle… who else can I call… JOKER: It's so hard to find good help these days… DOC: Oh no. JOKER: What's the matter Doc, you look like you just watched a man die. Here, let me get you a mirror so you can see it up close. DOC: Nope, not sticking around for this one. *starts to run away* JOKER: *sound of net releasing and capturing Doc, who struggles* Oh, but we have a lot to talk about. I need to fill you in on the team of professionals you set up for me. They've been rotating around for quite some time. Or at least I imagine they have, who knows how much weight a ceiling fan can support. After the third body they tend to get a little dicey.  DOC: Dear God… JOKER: The Korean doctor took it especially hard. All that time she thought fan death wasn't real. Right up until the end when the blades decapitated her… DOC: Come on, is there ANYONE around who can help me? JOKER: It's funny, you wrote in my notes that I needed to stay isolated because I'd be less of a threat. And yet who's the one who's all alone right now? It'd be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. But what the hell, I'll laugh anyway BWAHAHAHAHA*punch* ooooomph NORTHSTAR: Doctor, are you alright? DOC: Northstar, what are you doing here? NORTHSTAR: I read the report, and I decided to march over right away to talk to you about it. As I approached, I saw that insane clown man assaulting you, so I thought I'd take care of him first and ask questions later, la! DOC: Well I sure am glad to see you. I need to get back to my office right away, so I can *whooosh* … access my files. NORTHSTAR: Bienvenue. Now, about what you wrote… DOC: Not now, Northstar, this is a bad time. NORTHSTAR: NO, Doctor, you will not brush me off, ça prend tout mon petit change just to have this discussion. I thought I did the right things, said the right things, pi you write that I am self-absorbed, focused on image. Why would I come to you for help if not to get better, À cause tu fais simple de même? DOC: Look, Jean-Paul, I appreciate that you are fired up about this, and I'll be happy to talk this over with you at a later time. But clearly, I've got major problems to address right now, so can we table this discussion? NORTHSTAR: I'm not talking about this with you on a table, on a couch, or anywhere, esti! I know you get confused when I speak in French, so let me be clear: kiss my ass, Doctor. *whoosh* DOC: *sigh* Well, at least I'm in the office and I can focus on *phone rings* *sigh* hello? JJJ: I need to speak to Doctor Issues right away, this is urgent! DOC: This is he. JJJ: You answer your own phone? What kinda two-bit operation are you running? And to think I wasted good time, and worse yet, good money, talking to you.  DOC: Who is this? JJJ: It's J. Jonah Jameson.  DOC: What do you want, Jameson, I'm kind of in the middle of something. JJJ: Yes, I know. That's why I'm calling. This story is breaking news, and I'm asking, no DEMANDING, an exclusive interview for TNM. DOC: My professional life is falling apart around me, and you think I'm going to take time answering questions?  JJJ: Of course! Gives you a chance to get your side of the story out before things go too far. Who cares about being right, what matters is being first. Remember: people read headlines, not retractions. DOC: That says an awful lot, both about you and the media business as a whole. But I'm not interested right now, I need to find someone who can stop this from spreading across the web. JJJ: I think I have someone in my office who can help with web stuff. ANALOG! Where the hell is Derick? I need someone to shut down the Internet. *That's not how this works, Jonah.* I don't pay you to argue with me, I pay you to get things done. And at the rate you're going, you're lucky I pay you at all. DOC: Goodbye, Jonah. JJJ: And another thing-*click* DOC: OK, now to look up how to take things off the Internet. Gonna DuckDuckGo this, last thing I need is more stuff getting traced back to *smash* WHAT THE TICK: Of all the unbelievable things I have to deal with on a daily basis. The unmitigated gall you must possess to disrespect me like this. I might not be the smartest hero, or the flashiest, or even the bluest, but I deserve better than this.  DOC: Tick, what are you- TICK: It's like you don't even know who I am. After all this time we've known each other, I thought some common courtesy would have been established. Sure, people make mistakes here and there, and you brush them under the rug, because that's what good cleaners do. Not the expensive ones, obviously, but the quality cleaners who take a little extra time to spit on the washcloth before scrubbing your toilet to give it that extra sheen. But something like this, I feel personally insulted to even have received something like this associated with my good name. DOC: Tick, I promise you, what I wrote on your patient form was completely professional, and it was never intended to be read publicly. But my system was hacked, and all my confidential patient files are all over the Internet now, I sincerely apologize. TICK: I didn't see that when I filled out the section for pickup. What are you talking about? DOC: Wait… what are YOU talking about? TICK: I'm talking about my order. I specifically requested carnitas in my burrito, and you give me BARBACOA?!?! Do I LOOK Puerto Rican? DOC: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?! TICK: I've been coming to this Chipotle every day for the past two years, and I sit in the same- DOC: THIS IS NOT A CHIPOTLE. TICK: Not with service like this, it isn't.  DOC: Get. Out. TICK: Fine. But first I'll be leaving you a sternly worded review on Welp. DOC: That's… just GOOOOO. TICK: And your decor is appalling. It's like you don't even want my business.  DOC: The door is over *smash* there…Oooookaaaayyy… now if I can PLEASE get back to work… HOMELANDER: How the F**K are you still alive? DOC: Homelander? Oh jeez, not you too… HOMELANDER: I punched your skull off your f**king neck. There's no goddamn way you should be living.  DOC: I don't have the time or the patience to explain this to you. HOMELANDER: Is it because I'm a… what was the phrase you used… “completely unreachable sociopath”? DOC: No, but that's not inaccurate. Do you hear yourself when you speak? HOMELANDER: I have super hearing. But everyone will be able to hear you scream before you DIE! *tosses Doc out window* DOC: AHHHH SOMEONE HELP ME! ISAIAH: I'll catch you.  DOC: AHH! AHH! AHH! ISAIAH: Why are you shouting? Are you hurt? Are you ok? DOC: Ahh… *calms down* I'm sorry, Isaiah, getting thrown out a window isn't something you get over quickly. ISAIAH: How do you know me? DOC: I talked to you a while ago. I guess you don't remember me? ISAIAH: Was it a nice talk? DOC: Yes, yes it was.  ISAIAH: Good. HOMELANDER: Are you f**king s**tting me? I toss you out the goddamn window, and of all the things to happen, you end up getting caught by this big dumb n- ISAIAH: *punch* I don't like those words. You hurt my friend. DOC: Be careful, Isaiah, he's a very mean person, and very strong. ISAIAH: I can take care of bullies. You have a nice day now! HOMELANDER: Is that all you got, you stupid motherfu- ISAIAH: *punch* I said I don't like those words. DOC: I'm just going to take advantage of this and take off. *grabs phone* *starts dialing* C'mon Bruce, pick up pick up pick up… CARNAGE: Going somewhere, Doctor? DOC: *sigh* No, I guess I'm not. CARNAGE: Not like when you tried to send me back to Ravencroft, or the Vault, or any of the other places you tried to throw me away and forget about me.   DOC: Cletus, you need help. More help than I can personally provide. CARNAGE: Yes, I know. I had such a wonderful talk with Victor last week about you. DOC: Victo… oh no. CARNAGE: Oh YES. Your name comes up an awful lot lately. Even before this little report of yours released. We all have our own ideas about ending you. Victor's was one of the more… colorful ones I've heard. And he's got a special place for you all saved up.  DOC: Yes, he told me all about it. CARNAGE: Jim Jr., Roman, Waylon, Mr. Blake… we've had fantastic conversations about what we'd do if we ever got the chance to have a special session with you. And what with all the alone time I've had lately, I've been ruminating quite a bit about it. DOC: Lucky me… CARNAGE: But you know what the major difference is between me and them? DOC: Lemme guess, you're actually the one who's going to pull it off? CARNAGE: How dare you steal that opportunity from me? I was building up, it was a whole thing, it's like you don't even know how this is supposed to work out. The one time I decide I'm going to embrace the theatricality they talk about, and you steal my thunder. This is why I just kill people right away, no chance for backtalk. I should just stick to the basics… BOOSTER: *portals in* Yes, yes, it's me, Booster Gold. Hold your applause until I'm finished saving you, Doc. DOC: None to be had, Booster. CARNAGE: Who the hell is this clown? BOOSTER: The name's Booster Gold. You don't know it yet, but I'm about to make a big impact on you. Specifically my foot to your ass. DOC: Don't say that out loud… BOOSTER: Oh it's fine, Doc. I've already seen how this plays out. You're fine. DOC: If you saw this already, why didn't you stop it before it happened? CARNAGE: What is going on here? BOOSTER: I got caught up with some Justice League business. You know how it is, flying around the world, saving multiple timelines. It takes its toll. I needed some “me time”. DOC: You're a time traveler. LITERALLY ALL YOU HAVE IS ME TIME. BOOSTER: And yet I managed to take time out of my busy world saving schedule to come here and save the world for you. And before you say it,  you're welcome. DOC: So please, do it. NOW. BOOSTER: What's the rush then? I mean, you just indicated I have all the time in the world, so theoretically I can leave and come back. DOC: Did you research this guy at all? BOOSTER: Who does research? DOC: Serial killer. BOOSTER: Like Count Chocula, or… DOC: Alien powered psychopath. BOOSTER: Oh, so like J'onn when we run out of Oreos in the Watchtower. DOC: WOULD YOU JUST HIT HIM ALREADY? BOOSTER: Jeez, you're in a hurry. OK. *ahem* STAND ASIDE, CITIZEN. BOOSTER GOLD IS HERE! I WILL NOW… wait, where's the camera? I want to make sure they get my good si- CARNAGE: RAAAAHHHH SHUT UP YOU BLOVIATING BUFFOON! *slash sound effect* Now where did the good doctor go? DOC: *running sound effects* Good thing I remembered to tie my shoes this morning… *sound of car pulls up* *window rolls down* FISK: Doctor Issues. Might I interest you in a ride? DOC: I see no rational alternative, Mr. Fisk. FISK: Nor do I. And yet here we are. Come in. DOC: If only to get away from another psychopath. *door opens & closes* FISK: So kind of you to join me. DOC: Is that blood on the floor? FISK: Remnants of the last person who chose to ignore a recommendation of mine. Unfortunately, given the circumstances I haven't had the opportunity for a full detailing yet. Regardless, that's not why we're here. DOC: Let me guess. You're mad about… Wait. Although we may have our differences, you already know about me, and you already saw your file. So what, then? FISK: I understand your hesitation to work with me, given the nature of our last conversation. Rest assured, as long as things remain cordial, no one's family members have to be involved. DOC: Then why even bring them up? FISK: Because in light of everything that's gone on, I felt it important to remind you of who I am. DOC: OK.  FISK: As you know, I am a man of many resources. Resources that, in this instance, could provide useful in eliminating traces of these files from the internet and the computers of anyone who might possess them. DOC: You're rich. Got it. What's that got to do with me? FISK: Despite those resources, I am not without my limits. That is where you come in. DOC: What could I provide you that you can't buy yourself? FISK: Daredevil. DOC: If you saw my file on you, you definitely read my file on him. What more do you need from me? FISK: It's not the information I need, Doctor. You have access to him. A relationship. Trust. DOC: If you think that's the best level of trust possible, then you'll still have a REALLY hard time getting access to him. FISK: But his Catholic guilt can be manipulated quite easily to obtain a future session with him. All I need is for you to bend that to your will. Name the time and place, and I assure you everything else will be taken care of. DOC: And you're having me do this after an information breach that would mysteriously be cleaned up… Something tells me even a blind man could see the setup coming a mile away, and that's without all the other senses coming into play. FISK: I was under the impression you'd be more perceptive to this offer, given your current lack of allies or assistance. DOC: And you would become persona non grata for somehow changing this one opportunity that everyone had. And you stole it from them. Are you sure you want that? FISK: Are you suddenly concerning yourself with my welfare and the consequences that would come from me helping you? Even for a medical professional this seems beyond the norm. DOC: At this point, my preservation is paramount to anything else on my mind. FISK: I can see this was a waste of my time. *door opens* Consider this business offer rescinded. *throws Doc out* *door closes & car continues driving* DOC: *rolling sound effects & groans* Tuck and roll saves another life… and yet I'm still no closer to finding answers, or someone to help me. SQUIRREL GIRL: Is that you, Doc? DOC: Doreen? SG: Hey, how are you? DOC: Not so good… like literally, not good at all. SG: That's a bummer. Wanna talk about it? DOC: You mean you don't know? SG: Oh of course I know, it's the big story right now on Chitter. DOC: Chitter? SG: It's the social media network for squirrels. They actually came up with the name before Twitter, but no one will let squirrels own a trademark, and the bird lobbyists got involved, it got really messy. DOC: Riiiiiight.  SG: Anyway, you're going through a pretty rough time, and I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you're hurting. Like you say, it's not your fault but it is your problem. DOC: Thanks. It's actually nice to talk to someone today who's not super pissed at me for what I said in their file. Assuming you read what I wrote… SG: I did. I have to say I understood why you said what you did, and I appreciate your honesty. DOC: Oh? SG: Yeah. I stepped back from the babysitting thing a bit. It was getting to be a bit much with everything else going on. DOC: I'm glad to hear it. SG: Cut back from 40 hours a week to 39. DOC: That's it? SG: Yeah, and let me tell you it was rough. Didn't know what to do with that hour, all that free time was crazy. So I opted to volunteer at a soup kitchen. DOC: I… SG: Feels good to give back. But enough about me. You're still struggling with the whole personal data leak thing. DOC: Yup. And I am so glad that I have your super powered support. Right? Right? SG: Oh I'd love to help, but I don't know the first thing about computers and stuff. I mean, I still have a flip phone. And my squirrel friends, well… there are a LOT of them, but they can't chew through all that fiber optic cable. You realize how much property damage that would cause? DOC: Thank you for the practicality. To be candid, I just don't know what in the hell I'm supposed to do. SPAWN: You know what they say, speak the Devil's name and he shall appear. DOC: What*gets sucked into hell* AAAAAHHHHHH SG: *yells after him* Sorry I couldn't be more helpful! SPAWN: Welcome to Hell, Doc. DOC: AHHH GET ME OUTTA HERE SPAWN: No sense screaming, no one down here can hear or help you. DOC: IT'S NOT FOR THEM, IT'S FOR ME. WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE? SPAWN: I felt this place was actually less judgmental than being above right now. DOC: Much as I appreciate the gesture, I need to get out of here. SPAWN: What's that old chestnut of advice, when you're in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.  DOC: That… actually makes a lot of sense. But I still have to find a way to address what's going on up there, and staying in Hell is making it worse. There's a sentence I never thought I'd have to say… SPAWN: I understand. Well, I tried. Hopefully that counts for something. Both with you and whoever else is keeping score. DOC: Appreciate it. SPAWN: So let me just *hit* *roar* AHH! DOC: What? SPAWN: Malebolgia is back. He's still pissed off after the last time I killed him. You need to go, now! DOC: So send me back up there! SPAWN: I can't right now, it's a lengthy process and I can't afford to keep myself vulnerable that long. You'll have to find another way. Now RUN! DOC: Oh my god oh my god oh my god… Eeeh… I just need to find a friendly face here… CONSTANTINE: How about a familiar one? DOC: JOHN? What are you doing here? CONSTANTINE: Oh, a little of this, little of that… bigger question is what are YOU doing here? DOC: Spawn dragged me down here and then he got attacked and I started running and I need to get out of here and PLEASE HELP. CONSTANTINE: And why should I help you? After all, you thought I sounded like a bad Beatle impersonator. DOC: What? How? That wasn't in the file. CONSTANTINE: Not every truth is written down, love.  DOC: Whatever, I will wear a Liverpool jersey to my next session, I don't care. GET ME OUTTA HERE. CONSTANTINE: That's the spirit. Before you go, indulge me. When you walk through a storm… DOC: NOW! CONSTANTINE: Alright, we'll sing later. This'll just take a moment, love. Nicoreen siagos acasha… *magical sound effects* DOC: *gasp* *panting*... *to self* that was not fun. OK, Doc, what's the next step? Because I feel like I've been at this forever and I'm still no closer to finding an answer. CATWOMAN: Maybe I can help? DOC: Selina? Why? CATWOMAN: You know me, I like to whip up a solution to a problem. *cracks whip* DOC: As much as I love puns, this is NOT the time. So either help me, or get out of my way. CATWOMAN: Oh, so serious all of a sudden. You're almost as bad as Bruce. DOC: Look, if you're going to make jokes- CATWOMAN: Fine. I can hack into a couple of mainframes and shut down major Internet pathways. It's not a complete solution, but it will help stop the spread. DOC: That's… one of the first helpful ideas I've heard all day.  CATWOMAN: You're very welcome.  DOC: Why do I feel like there's a catch here? CATWOMAN: Why Doctor, you wound me with your implication.  DOC: It's sore because it hits the spot. CATWOMAN: UGH. OK. Your office is directly above a financial trading company. They have extensive resources, but they're taking advantage of a local indigent community and forcing them out so they can build another bland high-rise. I need you to get me into the building so I can… obtain some leverage over them. DOC: So you take care of my immediate professional quandary and place me squarely in the middle of another one? I don't see how this works out in my favor. CATWOMAN: C'mon, I scratch your back, you scratch mine. And my claws know how to dig deep. SHE-HULK: If I didn't know any better, I'd say that sounds like a setup for blackmail, plus possible RICO charges for conspiracy. Not to mention the clear B&E, likely burglary… I mean the felony charges alone would eat up about 7 of those 9 lives you've got, right? DOC: I don't say this often, but I'm glad to see a lawyer hanging around. Thanks Jen. CATWOMAN: Goddamn lawyers ruin everything. You're no fun. SHE-HULK: You're calling ME no fun? That's a first. At least since Aaron stopped writing me. Also, that's a pretty rich statement coming from someone dressed like Judi Dench's body double. CATWOMAN: Such a low blow. I expected more from you. SHE-HULK: Sorry to disappoint. If you leave now, I'll make sure they drop the charges. Keep talking, though, and I'll be ethically bound to cooperate with the investigation. The ass-kicking will just be a bonus. CATWOMAN: This is why no one likes lawyers. You're all the same. SHE-HULK: All the same? I'm eight feet tall and green. Aside from my cousin, who else is even remotely close to me? DOC: OK, I think I'm gonna go and let you two sort this out. CATWOMAN: *Green Giant jingle* Ho ho ho… SHE-HULK: Oh, that is IT. The heels are coming off… DOC: Later, ladies. *sound of actual catfight in background* Let's try Bruce again… *dialing* *teleportation sound* WHAT? NO! MOJO: And here's the star of our show, ladies and gentlemen! Doctor Issues himself! DOC: MOJO! Are you fu- MOJO: Hey, watch the language, Doc, this is a primetime show. Gotta keep it family friendly. DOC: What show are you talking about? MOJO: Why, Doc on the Run, of course! It's the hottest new reality show in the Mojoverse! We've been watching you this whole time. Gotta say, loving all the twists and turns so far. But it's starting to feel a little stale at this point. I mean, how many times can you run into patients of yours who offer nothing but cliched phrases or try to kill you? You have to keep your audience guessing what's going to happen, but stunt casting only really works during sweeps.  DOC: This isn't a reality show, this is real life! I don't give a damn about your ratings! MOJO: Of course you think it is. That's why your delivery is so great. But I'm not loving that last line. It's fine, we'll have the writers come up with something and you'll record an ADR session during editing. Gotta punch it up. Maybe curse a bit, we'll bleep you out and use it in the commercial. Oh, and speaking of punching, let's see what we can do about getting you involved in the fisticuffs. No sense in having everyone else fight around you, let's see how well you can hold your own in a fight. DOC: I don't have time for this. And I'm certainly not fighting for your amusement. MOJO: Oh, but don't you realize, Doc? EVERYTHING is for our amusement. Your fans adore you. Like this charming young fellow attached to his phone over here. Tell Doc how much you love his work. FAN: Pleeeasssee… killlll meeee… MOJO: Ungrateful whelp! I'll have you executed. But slowly, it'll be a miniseries. Anyway, back to Doc, let's knock down this fourth wall and see what you're made of. *shatter* Wait, that's not supposed to happen! Quick, get a camera over there and see what's going on! Camera 3, whip pan right now! SUPERBOY PRIME: This isn't Earth Prime… MOJO: Oh boy, ladies and germs, we've got an unexpected development here. Some jackass wearing a Superman costume has arrived. Say, lad, this is a closed set. PRIME: I don't know who the hell you are, but no one orders me around. MOJO: This is MY show, and I'm the one giving orders here. PRIME: What kinda world is this where people take orders from an overweight half cyborg spider thing?  MOJO: THIS IS THE MOJOVERSE! And it's where you die!  DOC: Lemme jump through this portal real quick. YOINK! *teleportation sound* OK. No fighting, no Mojo, no Superboy Prime, so this is already a plus. EEYORE: Hello there. DOC: GAH!  EEYORE: You're awfully loud. DOC: Eeyore? EEYORE: Hi Doctor. DOC: How did I end up in the Hundred Acre Wood? And why don't you seem shocked? EEYORE: Don't know. I was just sitting here because I was supposed to have lunch with everyone. But it seems like they forgot me. Again. At least someone is here to talk to me. DOC: I'm very sorry. However, I have bigger things to deal with right now, so I need to find a way out of here. EEYORE: It's fine. Go ahead and leave. Everyone else has forgotten about me. You're no different. DOC: No, it's not that, it's just… *sigh*. Maybe this is all a test. Maybe I should be taking the time to help others, and that's how I'll end up getting helped myself. So, Eeyore, let's take a sec and chat. EEYORE: You mean it? DOC: I do. I could use a break from the insanity for a moment. Let's just talk about whatever you want. EEYORE: Thanks Doc. Well, yesterday I thought I'd lost my tail again. DOC: That sounds unfortunate. Did you find it? EEYORE: Yep.  DOC: That's great. Where was it? EEYORE: Pinned to my hind end. DOC: Oh. EEYORE: Yup. Spent the whole day looking for it. DOC: I see. *beat* Is that it? EEYORE: Yup. DOC: You sure there's nothing else you want to talk about? EEYORE: Well, there is one other thing. You see, I *teleportation sound* DOC: NO NOT AGAIN! EEYORE: Well s**t. THANOS: Doctor Issues. You created a web of lies and pain, and thought you could escape it. And where did that bring you? Back to me. DOC: Thanos, I- THANOS: Spare me your pitiful speech. You have unleashed a power equal to that of the Infinity Gems. This places you on a level close to me, and this is something I cannot permit to stand. So I have no choice but to kill you. DOC: At this point, I barely have the desire to fight back. THANOS: Oh that's a shame, because I've been looking forward to this for a while, and hearing your cries for mercy would have made victory that much sweeter. As it is I will acknowledge your acceptance. Farewell, Doctor. NEBULA: Not so fast, father. THANOS: Nebula, your betrayal is disappointing but not surprising. NEBULA: YEAAAHHH! Doctor, I have brought you a ship. You can return to Earth. DOC: Great, so I can go back and face all the people who want to kill me. THANOS: I am happy to kill you right now. NEBULA: Hnngghhh… that's exactly why you have to go back. If Thanos kills you, it will give him pleasure. And I cannot allow that to happen. THANOS: This is not up to you, daughter. I have no qualms about killing you as a precursor to the doctor's death. NEBULA: Doctor, you must leave. NOW. I will deal with my father. He will be made to suffer, as he did to me. DOC: But I. NEBULA: This is not a request. You did me a favor. Allow me to return it to you.  THANOS: You shall not leave, Doctor. I will obtain the Gems once again, and then I will bring you back here! NEBULA: DOCTOR! GO! DOC: Fine. But how do I even operate this thing? NEBULA: It is programmed to warp you back to Earth. Just press the big yellow button. THANOS: NO! I will not be denied! DOC: OK, here goes nothing. *button sound* spaceship takes off *warp sound* *spaceship door opens* I… Hello and welcome to Capes on the Couch, where comics get counseling. I'm Dr. Issues. I just wanted to say to everyone that's listened to all these episodes. Thank you, I love you all. Through no intention of my own, there have been many things that have happened, I'm sure you've heard of them. I want to issue an apology to anyone & everyone. I don't have the proper words for this. I just, I don't know what to do. I have no idea how I'm even going to broadcast this, because I'm probably banned from every source possible, and I don't know how to get this to my cohost. But if anyone hears… *breaks down* DOOM: CEASE YOUR INCESSANT AND UNNECESSARY TEARS, DOCTOR. YOUR PROBLEM HAS ALREADY BEEN RESOLVED THROUGH THE MIGHT OF DOOM. DOC: *sniffles* Huh? DOOM: DOOM HAS WIPED ALL TRACES OF THE FILES FROM THE WORLD.  DOC: WhahuhwhyhowWHAT?!?! DOOM: YOU ARE NOW ALSO AN HONORARY CITIZEN OF LATVERIA AND WILL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE TO RESIDE, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE. DOC: What's the catch? DOOM: THERE IS NO CATCH. THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN ACCOMPLISHED. DOOM SEEKS NOTHING FURTHER FROM YOU. DOC: I want to say thank you. And I will. But first, WHY? DOOM: MANY THINK DOOM AS TYRANNICAL, INCLUDING YOURSELF. BY THIS GESTURE, DOOM'S MAGNANIMITY WILL BE PRESERVED FOR ALL TIME.  DOC: Well, I have to say that- DOOM: AND ALSO BECAUSE RICHARDS WAS UNABLE TO ARRIVE AT A SUPERIOR SOLUTION. DOC: Aaaaand there it is. DOOM: ONCE AGAIN PROVING THAT NONE ARE SUPERIOR TO DOOM. DOC: Of course not.  DOOM: MOVING FORWARD, YOUR OPINION OF DOOM WILL BE ONE OF GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION. WHATEVER PREVIOUS OPINION YOU HAD IS NOW IRRELEVANT. DOC: Honestly, at this point, I can't even disagree with you. But I have to ask, aren't you concerned about all the people who tried to kill me? I mean, the files are eliminated, but the memories aren't. People still remember what I said about them. And they'll know you're responsible for getting rid of them. They'll come for you. DOOM: LET THEM TRY. MANY HAVE ATTEMPTED TO USURP DOOM. AND YET DOOM REMAINS. DOC: *sigh* Yep. Definitely not tyrannical at all. DOOM: DOOM SENSES SOME SARCASM. THIS GESTURE CAN BE UNDONE JUST AS EASILY. DOC: Noted. As a humble citizen of Latveria. My deepest appreciation… my liege. DOOM: YOUR APPRECIATION IS NOTED, GOOD CITIZEN, AND- DOC: Can I just ask one favor? DOOM: YOU DARE ASK MORE OF DOOM THAN HAS ALREADY BEEN PROVIDED? DOC: It's just… I need to get back home. Surely a simple task like this will not tax the might of Doom. DOOM: FINE. BE GONE AND RETURN HOME. BUT BE SURE TO SPREAD THE WORD THAT DOOM IS THE ONE WHO DID THIS FOR YOU. DOC: Oh don't worry, I'm telling everybody. Thanks Doc! *warp sound effect* Hoo boy, that was strange. ANTHONY: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?! DOC: Oh man, it was nuts. I tried to call Batman, and then I was dragged to hell by Spawn, and Kingpin had me in his limo, and I was in- ANTHONY: No, I mean this burner phone Batman gave you has been sitting here ringing off the hook the whole time, but I didn't want to answer it because I figured it might explode, or it was wired to your DNA or something. You know how crafty Batman is. DOC: Are. You. F**king. Kidding. Me. Ending Thank yous: Dr. Goku from Guardians MH, Kate from IWB, Lisa from Comic Book Couples Counseling, my sister Angela, Doc's father, my wife Next episodes: Moon Knight 2, Elsa Bloodstone, Holding Out for a Hero Plugs for social Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook Patreon TeePublic Discord

Grab your Ouija board, because we're talking to KLAUS HARGREEVES! How can the Seance make a better connection with the living instead of the dead? Tune in to find out! Intro We're back! Thanks for all your kind words & thoughts New Patron - Austin! Reminder of AMA for 150 Background (3:35) Number Four (The Seance/Klaus Hargreeves) created by Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba in The Umbrella Academy #1 Go back to Issue 130 for a look at Number Five The Umbrella Academy is a team of seven superpowered children, born to women who previously showed no signs of pregnancy - all adopted by Dr. Reginald Hargreeves, a wealthy philanthropist (secretly an alien) Vol. 1 - Apocalypse Suite - Klaus introduced as part of the team, a group of 10 year old children who stop the Eiffel Tower from destroying the world 20 years ago - in the present, their adoptive father Dr. Hargreeves dies, and the team reunites to bury and mourn him Their adoptive sister Vanya, long thought to be the only non-powered member of the team, turns out to be the most powerful, and undergoes surgery to enhance her powers of weaponizing sound - the team bands together to stop her, and Klaus channels Dr. Hargreeves and Igor Stravinsky as part of the plan before using his telekinetic ability to stop pieces of the moon from slamming into Earth Vol. 2 - Dallas - Klaus is captured by agents from the Temps Aeternalis, an organization overseeing time travel, in an attempt to find his brother Number Five, and murdered - he doesn't stay dead, however, returning to possess the agents and kill them in revenge (God kicks him out of Heaven) He, Spaceboy, and the Kraken all travel back in time to Vietnam to stop Number Five from assassinating JFK and irrevocably altering history, but then have to stop the agents from also killing Number Five Vol. 3 - Hotel Oblivion - Klaus is essentially a junkie being pimped out by a biker gang, who uses his ability to scam people into talking to their deceased relatives about hidden money, and then the gang leaders dig it up - Klaus turns on the abusers - he then joins his siblings in battling villains that escaped from an interdimensional prison built by their father - the volume ends with the team encountering the Sparrow Academy, a rival group of similarly powered “siblings” Issues - Theme is detachment (8:17) Living surrounded by dead people Drug use as a coping mechanism (15:24) Relationship with siblings constantly strained, both by his own actions and those of the team, but he's always one of the most “loyal” members of the team (22:30) Break (27:59) Plugs for BetterHelp, Hops Geek, and Gail Simone Treatment (30:11) In-universe -  Out of universe - (33:22) Focus on getting the drug use addressed first, then address childhood trauma Skit (41:32) DOC: Hello Klaus, I'm Dr. Issues. KLAUS: Hello Doctor, pleased to meet you. DOC: So what can I help you with? KLAUS: I'm not sure. I don't know if you can help me. Not your fault, just that I don't think even a mental health professional can comprehend what I'm all about. DOC: I'm not pretending to be an expert in everything, but I'm a relatively fast learner. Try me. KLAUS: Ever been in a war? DOC: No KLAUS: Ever levitated? DOC: No, but I've been around some people who can fly. KLAUS: Ever shot up? DOC: Can't say that I have. KLAUS: Come On! I was giving you an easy one. DOC: I work with peer counselors all of the time; I'm not going to lie to placate your sensibilities. I know it's not the same thing. KLAUS: I'm not one for those “blank” A meetings anyway DOC: Which ones? AA, NA? KLAUS: Yes. DOC: I see. It's interesting that you seem most closed off about the substance use when you also mentioned physical conflicts and the supernatural. KLAUS: Oh no, I don't hide that either. I'm just tired of my abilities being used as a cheap parlor trick, or worse yet, as a way to scam money out of well-intentioned but clueless people. DOC: Indeed. Entertaining a person doesn't garner their attention the same as having a conversation. I will say though, that the two don't have to be separate. KLAUS: Well I don't “entertain” as much as “shock the hell out of” people, but I get your point. No, I can strike a balance. That's where the dynamic shifts. You think talking to someone in trouble is speaking to their soul. Man, I SPEAK TO THEIR SOUL. DOC: What kind of lessons have you learned from that? KLAUS: Their regrets, mostly. Even the dead can still worry. I bet there's some you'd like- DOC: Don't go there. KLAUS: Oh…*some sort of magical sound* Oh. I see. Well, that's awkward. DOC: Not as much as you'd think. Us mere mortals may not delve into that realm as frequently as you, but that doesn't mean there isn't a connection. Every. Single. Day. Even just for a few moments. KLAUS: Humor helps. DOC: Don't I know it! Is that your go-to coping mechanism? KLAUS: Plenty, but it's a quick fix. No, the problem, I think, is that there's no way to “move on” for me. Folks like you get that transition and go about your business. I'm just the chump that gets the feedback loop when others pass along. Gotta dampen that somehow. DOC: That's a common plight among those who suffer from addiction KLAUS: It's not all suffering, I DOC: *interrupting*You enjoy it until you can't, yeah I realize that. What's your motivation to change? KLAUS: *pause* I want to see where this goes. DOC: I don't have a particular agenda for how many sessions KLAUS: *interrupting* No, I mean ALL of this. It's a lot, man. I get put in spots where I'm expected to call on some sort of “great wisdom through the ages” but I just want to listen to some music. Notice the little things. Be trivial. That's not as bad as it seems. My family, they get bogged down with saving the world when they can't save themselves. Dad was…well, whatever the hell he was. That's what I've learned from the dead. DOC: That's…more than I care to imagine. I try to put myself in someone else's shoes, but you…I don't even know where to begin. KLAUS: Yeah, it's a trip. That's where all the… substances come in. Help clear my head. I figure if I have to see all kindsa weird stuff, at least I can do it to myself. DOC: I can't even ask “why the pain?” Because it's obvious. Maybe a slight tweak. What do you FOR yourself? KLAUS: I just told you. DOC: Nope. You said TO yourself; as if your existence is a trivial one that can be used as a plaything. Just how important is your life compared to others? KLAUS: I mean, what difference does it make about the value of my life? I've come back from the dead at least twice, so clearly life and death don't mean a whole helluva lot to me. And my siblings, well… I… “love” them, I guess. The world would be a lot worse off without them. DOC: So you show grace to those you love, but not to yourself, because you've had an experience that's different from their own, AND YET, you view your unique experience as a negative to your self worth. That's what you're telling me? I don't buy it. KLAUS: Oh, our experiences are negatives to all of us. Not one of us is happy for what we've been through. My point is just that compared to them, I'm somehow less well adjusted. I mean, it's what it is. I'm just calling it like I see it. Not looking for pity or anything, that ship sailed a long time ago. DOC: Are these the things you told yourself when you died? KLAUS: Which time? But seriously, I'm just trying to do the best with the cards I've been dealt. You a poker player? DOC: For the sake of rapport…yes. KLAUS: So I've got a three-eight offsuit. Flop came down Men's Wearhouse, all faces. I'm looking for a runner-runner and praying to pull trips. That's my daily existence. Get the picture? DOC: Yup. But there's so much you're not saying that's vital to the hand. What's your position at the table? What are the stacks? Plus, you have a “cheater's edge” in your pocket. You're worried about what the dealer is going to think if you use inside information, not to mention the interactions that you have that can either bluff or intimidate the weak lays. There is so much more than basic math that would allow for you to come out with a fighting chance. KLAUS: Hmph. Fair points, Amarillo Doc.I suppose I can do a better job of reading the players at the table. Any suggestions? DOC: Start with yourself. Know your tells. Don't telegraph everything at once and wonder why everyone pushes you around with a bad hand. You have an ability that gets to see the turn and river over and over after the hand is done. Use that in how you deal with others. KLAUS: And I suppose you'll recommend I do this all with a clear head? DOC: Well, NO S**T. KLAUS: I can't promise it'll be all the time. But I suppose I can take a break from time to time and get a better handle on things. Now that we're done with that, ever done shrooms? DOC: I'll tell you what I tell most folks: Just say no to most drugs. KLAUS: Well if you ever wanna take a trip with me, you know where to find me. Ending (62:11)  Recommended reading: Vol. 3 is heavily focused on Klaus Next episodes: 150th episode, Moon Knight redux, Elsa Bloodstone Plugs for social References: Number Five episode - Anthony (3:56) Miss Minutes/Loki - Anthony (6:20) Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Twitter Facebook Patreon TeePublic Discord

On today's episode we will be exploring the history of the transgender philosophy along with gender theory and see how it evolved from the feminist movement. Website - Podcast — L.T. World (ltworld.info)Instagram - L.T. World (@l.t._world) • Instagram photos and videosTwitter - L.T. World (@LTWorld7) / TwitterSourcesGender Development Research in Sex Roles: Historical Trends and Future Directions (nih.gov)OHCHR | Gender theory(PDF) Gender Theory | Antonio Malo - Academia.eduTransgenderism: Facts and fictions (nih.gov)(1) Ep31.1 Dr. Elisabeth Taylor - Gender Queer Theory History - Bing videoThe SAGE Handbook of Historical Theory: SAGE Publications - Google BooksFeminist Perspectives on Sex and Gender (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)Simone De Beauvoir: One is not born a woman, but becomes one (the-philosophy.com)genny_beemyn_transgender_history_in_the_united_states.pdf (umass.edu)What Does the Word "Transgender" Mean? | them.(DOC) What is Gender Performativity? | Gergana Stoyancheva - Academia.eduGender fluidity: What it means and why support matters - Harvard HealthTransgender Population Size in the United States: a Meta-Regression of Population-Based Probability Samples (nih.gov)Number of Transgenders in the United States: Trans Statistics (hli.org)Demographic and temporal trends in transgender identities and gender confirming surgery (nih.gov)

A note from Talking Taiwan host Felicia Lin:   A-Doc, the Asian American Documentary Network was established in 2016 and is a resource and network for nonfiction filmmakers at all different stages of their career. I spoke with one of A-Doc’s Co-founders, Grace Lee, about the organization, and its “Stories of the Coronavirus” microdoc series, with microdocs being released throughout the month of May and beyond.   Grace also told me about two of her most recent documentary film projects, the PBS five-part documentary “Asian Americans,” which will air May 11 and May 12, and the “And She Could Be Next” docuseries for POV on PBS that will be released in June.     Here’s a little preview of what we talked about in this podcast episode:   How Grace got involved with the Auntie Sewing Squad A-Doc (Asian American Documentary Network) and its mission The A-Doc “Stories of the Coronavirus” microdoc series How Valerie’s microdoc “Sewing in the Time of Coronavirus” became A-Doc’s proof of concept for the “Stories of the Coronavirus” microdoc series The events, work and initiatives of A-Doc Resources that Grace recommends for documentary filmmakers to deal with the COVI-19 pandemic A-Doc’s partnership with the Center for Asian American Media (in San Francisco) on a mentorship/fellowship program A-Doc’s work on creating a database of documentary films made by Asian American filmmakers The networking opportunities for filmmakers facilitated by A-Doc What’s in the future for A-Doc How has the landscape of Asian American documentary films and filmmakers changed since Grace started her career The PBS five-part documentary “Asian Americans,” that Grace worked on “And She Could Be Next” series for POV (television’s longest-running showcase for independent non-fiction films on PBS) that Grace has worked on Grace’s advice for aspiring documentary filmmakers   Related Links:   A-Doc (Asian American Documentary Network): https://a-doc.org/   A-Doc’s “Stories of the Coronavirus” series on their YouTube channel: https://bit.ly/2ZuQSK0   A-Doc’s “Stories of the Coronavirus” series Facebook (Find it on the A-Doc Facebook page’s video playlist #AsianAmCovidStories): https://www.facebook.com/watch/AADocNetwork/679806489500783/     A-Doc’s social media channels:   A-Doc Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/AADocNetwork/   A-Doc on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aadocnetwork/   A-Doc on Twitter: https://twitter.com/aadocnetwork   A-Doc YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeuFgUcrtY06flPt9n9T4iw   The PBS five-hour series “Asian Americans”: https://www.pbs.org/show/asian-americans/     “And She Could Be Next” A new docuseries from POV: https://www.andshecouldbenext.com/     A-Doc Co-Founder Grace Lee’s website: http://www.gracelee.net/     A-Doc Co-Founder Leo Chiang’s website: http://sleochiang.com/     Loni Ding (The “godmother of Asian American documentaries”): http://www.cetel.org/ding.html     Resources for documentary filmmakers:   Filmmaker's Guide To Applying For US Coronavirus Federal Relief: https://www.documentary.org/creators/covid19   The International Documentary Association: https://www.documentary.org/   Creative Capital: https://creative-capital.org/   California Humanities: https://calhum.org/

What I learned from reading The Billionaire and the Mechanic: How Larry Ellison and a Car Mechanic Teamed up to Win Sailing's Greatest Race, the America’s Cup, Twice by Julian Guthrie.If you want to listen to the full episode you’ll need to upgrade to the Misfit feed. You will get access to every full episode. These episodes are available nowhere else. Upgrade now.Notes and quotes from Founders #126: Larry Ellison to Steve Jobs: I’m talking about greatness, about taking a lever to the world and moving it. I’m not talking about moral perfection. I’m talking about people who changed the world the most during their lifetime. Larry’s choice for history’s greatest person could not have been more different from Gandhi (Steve Jobs’s choice): the military leader Napoleon Bonaparte.   Steve liked to say the Beatles were his management model — four guys who kept each other in check and produced something great. Larry’s favorite history book was Will and Ariel Durant’s The Age of Napoleon, which he had read several times. Like his buddy Steve, and like Larry himself, Napoleon was an outsider who was told he would never amount to anything. Now this book is technically about the America’s Cup race. But that's not really what it's about. This books gives insights into extreme winners. Steve and Larry had found they had much in common. They both had adoptive parents. Both considered their adoptive parents their real parents. Both were “OCD,” and both were antiauthoritarian. They shared a disdain for conventional wisdom and felt people too often equated obedience with intelligence. They never graduated from college, and Steve loved to boast that he’d left Reed College after just two weeks while it took others, including Larry and their rival Bill Gates, months or even years to drop out.  Steve Jobs: “Why do people buy art when they can make their own art?” Larry thought for a moment and replied, “Well, Steve, not everyone can make his own art. You can. It’s a gift.” What he (Steve Jobs) liked was designing and redesigning things to make them more useful and more beautiful. If Michael Jordan sold enterprise software he would be Larry Ellison. Larry is addicted to winning. An idea I learned from Steve was the further you get away from one, the more complexity you are inviting in. Larry was a voracious reader who spent a great deal of time studying science and technology, but his favorite subject was history. He learned more about human nature, management, and leadership by reading history than by reading books about business. His adopted Dad said over and over again to Larry, “You are a loser. You are going to amount to nothing in life.” Larry treats life like an adventure. He envied how Graham’s parents supported him on his adventure, as this was the opposite of his own life. The story of Graham transported Larry from the regimentation of high school to the adventure and freedom of the sea. Here was a boy alone at sea for weeks at a stretch; dealing with storms, circling sharks, and broken masts; visiting exotic locales. Through it all he was his own navigator. That is definitely the way Larry approached his life. Why Larry uses competition as a way to test himself: He wanted to see just how much better a sailor he had become. It will be an interesting test. There was a clarity to be found in sports that couldn’t be had in business. At Oracle he still wanted to beat the rivals IBM and Microsoft, but business was a marathon without end; there was always another quarter. In sports, the buzzer sounds and time runs out. It is not what two groups do a like that matters. It's what they do differently that's liable to count. —Charles Kettering Why test yourself: After the laughter died down Larry turned serious. “Why do we do these things? George Mallory said the reason he wanted to climb Everest was because ‘it’s there.’ I don’t think so. I think Mallory was wrong. It’s not because it’s there. It’s because we’re there, and we wonder if we can do it.”  Larry’s personality: He didn’t like letting them have control. It was the same reason he didn’t have a driver, and it was why he liked to pilot his own planes and why he had been married and divorced three times. He didn’t like being told what he could and couldn’t do. With any new thing you do in your life, you are going to have to overcome people telling you that you are an idiot. While Ellison demanded absolute loyalty, he did not always return it. The people he liked best were the ones who were doing something for him. The people he hired were all geniuses until the day they resigned—when in Ellison's view— they became idiots or worse. What Larry is reading during the dot com bubble collapse: The books on his nightstand included Fate Is the Hunter: A Pilot’s Memoir by Ernest Gann, The Jordan Rules by Sam Smith, and William Manchester’s multivolume biography of Winston Churchill. Whenever Larry felt remotely close to being at risk of failure he couldn’t stop working.  I’m going to read you one of the funniest paragraphs I have ever read. The guy Larry is talking to is insane: In the dot—com heyday he got a call from Farzad Nazem, who used to work at Oracle and was now a top executive at Yahoo. Nazem told Larry, “Disney wants to merge with us. Why would we ever want to do something like that? What have they got?” Larry answered his old friend, “Gee, let me think. They have the most valuable film library in the world, the most valuable TV channels in world, and successful theme parks everywhere. Disney makes tons of money and they’re probably the most beloved brand on the planet. Now, what have you got? A Web page with news on it and free e-mail. Has everyone gone crazy?” Oracle has been around for 40 years. How many companies can survive 40+ years? One of the key insights I took away from Larry is this idea about game within a game. I'm glad I'm reading these books about Larry Ellison at the same time I watched this 10 part documentary on Michael Jordan (The Last Dance) because I think both Jordan and Ellison figured out something that is fundamental to our nature. I don't think they were setting out to try to figure out something fundamental about human nature. They did so in their own process of self discovery. They hack themselves by creating games within games. They understand over a long period of time that your motivations, your dedication, your discipline is going to ebb and flow and they had to find a way to hack themselves. There is one sentence that sums up Larry’s personality: “Winning. That is my idea of fun.” There are a lot of extreme winners on Larry’s team. That is one of the things I like most about the book. It gives you insights into their mindset, how they prepare for their sport—which I think is applicable to whatever you do for a living. Dixon said, “Larry, my advice is that we go out there tomorrow to try to win the race. We will probably get beaten and you should be prepared to lose gracefully.” Larry was stunned by the suggestion. After a long pause, he said that he could be gracious after losing, but wasn't capable of being gracious while he was losing, he had come here to win. The Vince Lombardi line Larry loves: Every team in the National Football League has has the talent necessary to win the championship. It's simply a matter of what you're willing to give up. Then Lombardi looked at them and said, I expect you to give up everything, and he left the room. Give me human will and the intense desire to win, and it will trump talent every day of the week. His lack of interest in marriage was not about fidelity, but had more to do with problems he had with authority. In marriage, he had to live a good part of his life the way the other person wanted him to live it. Larry wanted to live his life his way. This part reminds me of what we learned on the podcast I did on Frank Lloyd Wright. His favorite Japanese saying was, “Your garden is not complete until there is nothing else you can take out of it.”   Rafael Nadal asked how Larry had made his life such a success. Larry launched into a long philosophical musing about how innovation in technology is quite often based on finding errors in conventional wisdom, and when you find an error you have to have the courage take a different approach even when everyone else says you’re wrong. Then Larry abruptly stopped himself. “Forget everything I just said. The answer is simple. I never give up.” He was incapable of waving the white flag. Kobe Bryant: A young player should not be worried about his legacy. Wake up, identify your weakness and work on that. Go to sleep, wake up, and do that all over again. 20 years from now, you'll look back and see your legacy for yourself. That's life. Larry is constantly willing to put himself in uncomfortable situations so he can improve. One of Larry’s favorite maxims was: “The brain’s primary purpose is deception, and the primary person to be deceived is the owner.” How does his favorite Maxim relate to why he likes sports? Because in sports, you can't deceive yourself. He just said the brain's primary purpose is to deceive yourself—so he needs to hack himself. He needs to have his game within a game, so he is incapable of deceiving himself. Larry liked having opponents, even enemies. “I learn a lot about myself when I compete against somebody. I measure myself by winning and losing. Every shot in basketball is clearly judged by an orange hoop — make or miss. The hoop makes it difficult to deceive yourself.” The insight is if we do something really hard we won’t have any competition. The athletes Larry knew were obsessed with the game they played. They were like his friend Steve Jobs who worried about the color of the screws inside a computer. They reminded Larry of a line from Tombstone: Wyatt Earp asks Doc Holliday,“ What makes a man like Ringo, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?” Doc replies, “A man like Ringo has got a great big hole, right in the middle of him. He can never kill enough, or steal enough, or inflict enough pain to ever fill it.” For better and worse, Larry had the same hole, and he tried to fill it by winning. But as soon as he closed in on one of his goals, he immediately set another difficult and distant goal. In that way, he kept moving the finish line just out of reach. Back home, standing by the lake where he and Steve had debated things great and small, Larry was certain that decades from now there would be two guys walking somewhere, talking about their icons. Steve would be mentioned. He would be one of those “misfits, rebels, troublemakers, the round pegs in square holes, the ones who see things differently,” words popularized in Apple’s “Think Different” ad campaign. Steve would be remembered as one of those with “no respect for the status quo.” Those moments are my most cherished and enduring memories of my time with Steve. The four of us sitting together at Kona, eating papayas and laughing for no reason at all. I'll miss those times. Goodbye, Steve. Larry’s nightmare: In Larry’s mind, it fed into a culture based on a homogenized egalitarian ethos where everyone was the same, where there are no winners and no losers, and where there are no more heroes. Larry says something to Russell (the guy running his team). It echoes what Charles Kettering said last week: It is not what two people do the same that matters. It is what they do differently that's liable to count. Larry says, “You already have a job, Russell. You've got to figure out why we're so damn slow, our said another way. Why is New Zealand so fast? What are they doing that we're not? Don’t give up before you absolutely have to. Stay in problem solving mode: Larry was not happy when he heard that speeches were being written and plans being made for the handover of the Cup, but he ignored it all until he was asked to settle an argument over who was going to give the concession speech during the handover. “Let me get this straight: people are fighting over who gets to give the concession speech? I don’t give a fuck who gives the concession speech. If we lose, everyone who wants to give a concession speech can give a concession speech. But we haven’t lost yet. Why don’t we focus on winning the next fucking race , rather than concession speeches.”Larry, a licensed commercial pilot with thousands of hours flying jets, likened their situation to a plane in distress. When pilots have a serious emergency, they immediately go into problem solving mode, and they stay in that mode until the problem is solved — or until just before impact. In that final moment, the aircraft’s cockpit voice recorder captures the pilot’s brief concession speech. There are two versions of the speech, one secular, one not: “Oh God ” and “ Oh shit.” Larry had not yet reached his “Oh God” or “Oh shit” moment. Down 8 points to 1, he remained in problem solving mode. As Muhammad Ali once said, “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” No one was going to live or die on the basis of these things. But contests were his best teachers. At some point, one person gets measured against another. They find out who wins and who doesn’t, and along the way they learn something about themselves. Larry had learned that he loved the striving, the facing of setbacks, and the trying again.  It’s hard for me to quit when I’m losing — and it’s hard for me to quit when I’m winning. It’s just hard for me to quit. I’m addicted to competing.Listen to the full episode now by upgrading to the Misfit feed: If you want to listen to the full episode you’ll need to upgrade to the Misfit feed. You will get access to every full episode. These episodes are available nowhere else. Upgrade now.

Jordan Feigenbaum is on the show today and we’re chatting all about the benefits of strength training and why your doctor should be recommending it. Specifics include… Why strength training typically isn’t emphasized by your Doc What the benefits are of strength training on each body ‘system’ The role of conditioning work and general movement ‘outside’ of the gym Is the future of medicine online-based? Please SHARE, SUBSCRIBE and ENJOY! -- Connect w/ Jordan: Website – Barbellmedicine.com Facebook  |  Instagram  |   YouTube  |  Twitter -- Would you like to be coached by Marcus? Contact him HERE! Online Nutritional Coaching Online Workout Design Personal Training Connect w/ Marcus: Facebook  |  Instagram  |   YouTube  |  Twitter

~ Gunsmoke, The Choice, Part 3 Photo: © Bigstock Photo |  vectorpocketMatt Dillon:Doc, that's the first time I ever turned an outlaw loose. Doc: What's that? Matt Dillon: Kerrick. I saw his picture the other day on one of those circulars. Too Brave for His Own Good Andy gets into a fight in the bar, the saloon. He didn’t start this fight, but he’s ready to stand up to this other man. Matt and Doc are in the saloon at the time and hear the talk at the bar getting more and more heated. In the middle of it all, Matt catches the name of the stranger. Andy seems to know him and calls him Kerrick. That Name Rings a Bell Hmm... Kerrick. That name seems to ring a bell for Matt, but where did he hear it before? Then he remembers the wanted circular that just arrived. He hadn't posted it yet, but it was in his office. Kerrick, yeah, this guy is a bad dude! Matt Intervenes Andy won't back down. He's ready to get into a gun fight with Kerrick. Problem is, Andy's drunk and he doesn’t realize how drunk he is. Matt steps in and breaks up the fight and chases Kerrick out of town. Is Matt Thinking Straight? Perhaps he should have let them fight and then arrested them both, but instead he let a criminal go free. What was he thinking?   Listen to find out... ~ what Matt was thinking when he let a wanted criminal go free Have fun learning the keywords with English-Chinese Flashcards and Games. DL098 Keywords on Quizlet Matt let Curric go free even though he knew he was wanted for murder. What do you think of his reasoning? Is his strategy foolish or wise? Tell us all about it in a comment below.

What's up, Doc? Chris and Mackezie take a sharp right turn at Albuquerque and go deep, deep down the wabbit hole to study the Chuck Jones masterpiece "What's Opera, Doc?" What does Elmer Fudd really want in life? Does Bugs Bunny actually love Elmer Fudd? Where did Bugs get that horse?