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Ethan Kross, author of Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You, explains how teens and parents can become adept at emotional regulation, manage upsetting feelings effectively, and develop healthier responses to life's challenges.Full Show NotesEmotional regulation—the ability to manage and shift our feelings—has huge implications for everyone, especially teenagers. It's a life skill that might just make the difference between thriving or struggling in adulthood. Teens understandably grapple with heightened emotions and can sometimes feel controlled by them rather than the other way around. But what if we could teach them how to manage their emotions and build resilience early on?The effects of emotional dysregulation can be major: kids who struggle with this skill are more likely to face substance abuse, school dropout, and even criminal behavior as they grow older. Meanwhile, teens who are skilled at managing their emotional states tend to excel academically, professionally, and have healthier relationships overall. The good news is that emotion regulation is a learnable and teachable skill, with far-reaching positive effects if mastered during adolescence.In this episode, we're joined once again by Ethan Kross, award-winning professor, renowned researcher, and author of the new book Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You. Ethan has dedicated his career to unpacking the mystery of our emotional worlds, blending cutting-edge research with practical, actionable insights. As both a scientist and a parent of a teen himself, Ethan understands deeply how crucial it is to arm our kids (and ourselves!) with simple yet powerful emotional regulation strategies.In our conversation, Ethan shares eye-opening findings, common misconceptions, and accessible, effective tools for parents who want to raise emotionally intelligent and resilient teenagers.Why Emotional Regulation Matters for TeensEmotion impacts every aspect of a teen's daily life—friendships, schoolwork, athletics, and family relationships. Despite its importance, emotional skills are often overlooked, leaving kids unequipped to manage powerful feelings. Ethan reveals eye-opening research, from classic experiments to recent ground-breaking studies, that clearly connect teens' successes and setbacks later in life to how well they can manage their emotional states.Ethan emphasizes that there are no "bad" emotions—anger, sadness, anxiety all serve valuable evolutionary purposes. Rather than suppressing these feelings, Ethan offers strategies to help teens learn to tune into their emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. He also tackles the "myth of universal approach," noting that always facing or always avoiding tough feelings isn't the right solution—teens must learn flexibility instead.Teaching Teens Practical Ways to Shift Their EmotionsSo how can parents and educators tangibly equip teens with emotional regulation skills? Ethan shares practical interventions from research that really work. For example, understanding how our surroundings influence our emotional states empowers teens to strategically modify their spaces to feel less anxious or stressed. Ethan discusses how teens can make small changes, like placing items or images in their environment that effectively boost their mood and sense of calm.He also explains broader methods, like the proven WOOP framework (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, and Plan). WOOP is essentially an easy-to-use reference for teens (and adults) when emotions inevitably flare up. Ethan breaks down how parents can talk teens through this process, helping them clearly define how they want to act during difficult times—rather than becoming reactive or impulsive.Subtle (and Powerful) Ways to Help TeensSometimes offering too much direct help can backfire, causing teens to feel disempowered or defensive. Ethan reveals research that shows invisible support—the kind teens don't realize you're giving—can play a huge role in helping them build regulation skills. He's sharing small shifts, like subtly introducing conversations around emotional techniques or quietly removing stressors in the family routine, that greatly improve teens' emotional balance and confidence.We also dive deep into how teens can use sensory influences like music and smells to modify their emotions deliberately, and the importance of shifting self-talk—from a self-focused, blaming style to one that feels more empathetic and empowering.In the Episode...Ethan's extensive knowledge and relatable advice offer invaluable guidance for parents hoping to raise emotionally resilient kids. In addition to the topics above, we also discuss:How to help teens view intense emotions as temporary and manageableThe specific connection between pronouns and processing breakupsWhy avoidance can sometimes be a surprisingly helpful strategyHow shifting language perspective (like using your own name when talking to yourself) can rapidly lower distressDon't miss this enlightening conversation with Ethan Kross, where science meets practical parenting strategies. Check out his latest book Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You and explore more at ethankross.com. Thanks for listening—make sure you share and subscribe!

Mike Matheny, author of The Dad Coach, reveals how parents and coaches can teach character through youth sports, handle competitive pressures, and create a positive athletic environment.Full Show NotesYouth sports can be a minefield for parents and kids alike. With intense competition and mounting pressure to excel, it's easy to lose sight of what truly matters—the development of character traits that will set our teens up for lifelong success. So how do parents, coaches, and mentors ensure their teen athletes reap the full benefits of sports without becoming overwhelmed?This week, Mike Matheny joins us to share clear, impactful wisdom on harnessing youth sports as a tool for shaping teens into better people. Mike is a former MLB catcher, a four-time MLB gold glove winner, and has managed both the St. Louis Cardinals and Kansas City Royals. Mike is also a New York Times bestselling author known for his acclaimed book The Matheny Manifesto and now returns with his latest work, The Dad Coach, a practical guide for parents and coaches of young athletes.In this episode, we're exploring Mike's powerful insights on cultivating character through sports, adopting the right competitive mindset, and creating practices that engage and inspire young athletes. Mike reveals how sports, approached thoughtfully, can significantly improve teens' confidence, resilience, work ethic, and interpersonal skills.Competitive Edges: Building Inner StrengthMike views sports as a rich training ground for building crucial character traits, which he identifies as "Competitive Edges." These include grit, discipline, growth mindset, optimism, selflessness, and composure under pressure. He explains these edges not only help kids become better athletes but prepare them to thrive in academics, careers, and relationships. Mike emphasizes that these traits are controllable factors anyone can develop, regardless of natural talent.We discuss how parents and coaches can intentionally incorporate these Competitive Edges into daily interactions with teens. Mike outlines how to talk with teens about handling setbacks, sustaining focus, and showing up consistently with a positive, selfless attitude. He argues the most transformative sports experiences aren't defined by trophies or titles, but by the internal growth that sustained effort naturally creates.Planning Impactful Youth PracticesMike deeply believes every practice should empower kids and reinforce positive values—not just drill technical skills. He shares practical tips for planning engaging practices, including how to structure sessions to maximize learning, fuel enthusiasm, and build fundamental skills. Mike argues youth practices should prioritize constant involvement, curiosity, and teamwork to keep players invested and excited about the game.He explains the importance of explicitly incorporating character lessons into each practice. By setting aside a small amount of time to discuss values like humility, perseverance, or empathy, coaches can drive home powerful lessons that resonate throughout players' lives. Mike strongly advocates for a clear, shared culture within every youth team, shaped by coaches, parents, and player input.Navigating Pressure from ParentsMany coaches and parent-volunteers face the tricky issue of intense parental pressure. Mike provides guidance on handling rising expectations, parental demands, and the so-called "hovering" parents whose behaviors can discourage athletes or affect team dynamics. He emphasizes open but upfront communication about roles and expectations to set healthy boundaries. Mike also talks us through practical strategies parents can use at home—like regular backyard games, casual conversations, and unconditional support—which make a huge, positive difference.Mike's thoughtful, practical advice will empower anyone involved in youth sports to make athletics a more rewarding, character-building experience for teens—and themselves!In the Episode:Mike offers invaluable guidance on transforming sports into a platform for growth and character development. We also discuss:How to help teens develop true passions, not just follow trendsThe balance between multi-sport play and focusing on a single sportKeys to handling internal team conflict and fostering cooperationA fresh approach to pre-game motivation that builds lasting confidenceMike's inspiration behind donating all proceeds from The Dad Coach to a unique sporting initiative in the Dominican RepublicTo learn more about Mike Matheny's inspiring coaching approach, pick up a copy of The Dad Coach wherever books are sold. Thanks for listening! Don't forget to share and subscribe, and we'll see you next week.

The language we use in our internal dialog has a profound effect on our experience. This includes nonverbal communication, such as images or feelings we invoke. When we reflect on our self talk and self-invoked feelings, we gain clarity on the ways in which we influence our experience in the world, in community, and in our daily lives. In today's meditation, we meditate on self love. This podcast is made possible with great thanks to our subscribers on Patreon. Join our community at Patreon (dot) com (slash) theMeditationPodcast

Nicole Karlis, author of Your Brain on Altruism, discusses the neuroscience behind altruism, revealing how acts of kindness impact teen brains, mental health, resilience, and lasting happiness.Full Show NotesAs parents, we hope our teenagers grow up to be kind, caring, and community-oriented adults. We encourage them to volunteer, assist neighbors, or participate in community service projects, hoping it'll build character and strengthen empathy. But did you know there's actual science linking altruism to improved well-being, reduced stress, and even better health? What if building compassion wasn't just a nice extra—but a powerful tool for coping with stress, fostering mental health, and developing meaningful relationships?Many teens face abundant pressures: academic expectations, college applications, social anxieties, and now the unprecedented rise of loneliness and technology overload. With these challenges mounting, could altruism offer a unique and surprisingly effective antidote—not just helping teens survive but thrive in today's world?In this week's insightful conversation, we're joined by Nicole Karlis, health and science journalist and author of Your Brain on Altruism: The Power of Connection and Community During Times of Crisis. Nicole spent nearly a decade exploring the science behind altruism, kindness, and community connection. She specializes in translating compelling neuroscience into practical lessons we can apply right at home with our teens.Nicole reveals the neuroscience underpinning the benefits of altruism, describing how selfless actions activate brain regions responsible for stress relief, emotional regulation, and meaningful fulfillment. By cultivating altruistic behaviors, Nicole argues, teens can overcome feelings of isolation and connect meaningfully with their communities—even during a loneliness epidemic.In our conversation, Nicole sheds light on why altruism is so powerful and how parents can harness and revive this instinct in their teens to create their own "culture of caring."The Neuroscience of AltruismIt turns out our brains are wired to benefit from kindness. Nicole outlines research showing that acts of generosity, kindness, and compassion trigger neural pathways linked to reward and decreased stress. Teens who practice altruism report feeling more deeply connected to others and their community, experiencing higher executive functioning, and enjoying mental health benefits.Creating regular acts of kindness, Nicole explains, can physically change the structure of teen brains due to neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to reorganize and strengthen beneficial pathways. Over time, practicing altruism can become habitual—ultimately shaping teens into compassionate adults who experience less stress and improved overall health.This powerful link raises the important question: how can parents best encourage altruism, especially today when teens are so busy and pressure-laden?Cultivating Kindness Without CrisisEver notice how, after a crisis, communities come together in uniquely powerful ways? Nicole describes this phenomenon—called bounded solidarity—in regions recovering from natural disasters where neighbors join forces to help one another through difficult times. But eventually the solidarity fades. Nicole wondered if communities could maintain this spirit without needing a tragic catalyst.In the episode, Nicole shares inspiring stories from teens who joined together after devastating wildfires. Remarkably, their initial impulse turned into a long-term community service nonprofit that raised spirits and built lasting bonds for everyone involved. She reveals that challenges and crises aren't necessary prerequisites. Families and communities can foster sustained altruism—cultivating solidarity simply through commitment and deliberate intention.Nicole offers practical methods families can use to cultivate caring cultures, from volunteering vacations to meaningful weekend rituals. She explains why clustering multiple kindness actions on special days—rather than making kindness a daily chore—helps compassion become a joyful, healthy habit.Why Intent Matters MostTeenagers often feel pressure to volunteer to pad college applications—checking off boxes without truly feeling connected to their service activities. But Nicole emphasizes the critical role intention plays: altruism is dramatically more beneficial if teens authentically embrace their volunteering choices.When teens genuinely want to make a difference, altruism deepens their empathy, nurtures authentic relationships, and provides real mental health benefits. Finding activities that align with your teen's natural interests enables them to genuinely experience joy and authentic connection while doing good. Nicole highlights examples, from playing bingo at senior homes to fun volunteer projects during family trips, that deeply resonate with teenagers and leave lifelong positive impacts.In the Episode…Nicole shares eye-opening insights about kindness, altruism, and their remarkable effects on teenagers. On top of the above, we discuss:How kindness helps teens counter lonelinessTechniques for fostering kindness in kids and teensDecoding the bodily impacts of isolation and lonelinessThe power of awe when witnessing acts of altruismHow volunteering boosts teens' confidence, connections, and resumesThis meaningful conversation with Nicole Karlis will forever shift how you view compassion—revealing how cultivating altruism in teenagers profoundly strengthens their brains, supports emotional resilience, and helps them thrive throughout adolescence and beyond.If you enjoyed this episode, you can find more from Nicole at Salon.com or connect with her on Instagram @NicoleKarlis. Thanks for listening! Don't forget to share, subscribe, and tune in next week for more critical teen parenting insights.

Jessica Slice, author of Unfit Parent, shares her profound insights and experiences on disability and parenting, breaking down stereotypes, addressing ableism, and showing what disabled parents can teach us all about resilience, adaptability, and embracing life's challenges.Full Show NotesIn our conversations around parenting, we often have a narrow definition of what abilities and physical capacities are required to be a “good” parent. From movies and advertisements portraying mothers and fathers effortlessly multitasking and holding toddlers on their hip, to parenting talks describing the chaos of carpool lines and daily errands, the portrait of parenting we encounter every day seems to leave out those with disabilities or physical limitations. As a parent, what do you do when your experiences don't match up with these cultural representations? How can each of us benefit from broadening our understanding of what it truly means to be an effective caregiver?In today's insightful episode, we're joined by writer and disability advocate Jessica Slice, author of Unfit Parent: A Disabled Mother Challenges an Inaccessible World. Jessica became disabled at age 28 and has experienced firsthand how our cultural perceptions about motherhood often exclude people with disabilities. Through her writing and advocacy, she passionately argues that disabled parents have powerful insights to offer all parents, and she exposes the ableism and biases in parenting culture. Jessica's eye-opening perspectives invite us to consider how embracing a broader definition of parenting can benefit everyone.What Disabled Parents Can Teach All of UsEarly in our conversation, Jessica describes how attending a typical parenting talk left her feeling like an imposter because none of the descriptions matched her own parenting reality. In writing openly about her experience, Jessica discovered a community of disabled parents who shared similar feelings. But what began as a revealing essay soon transformed into a broader mission: to show how disabled parents actually contribute unique abilities and insights to parenting.Jessica points out how disabled people grow adept at solving practical day-to-day problems surrounding movement, food, rest, and more. Such problem-solving skills translate directly into caring for a newborn, making disabled parents often surprisingly adept at navigating early parenthood. Moreover, disabled parents have already learned powerful lessons in letting go of expectations, embracing uncertainty, and adapting to changing circumstances—qualities that deeply serve all parents as they navigate the complexities of raising children.Ableism and Our Culture of Fear Around DisabilityJessica thoughtfully unpacks ableism: the deep-seated, often unconscious biases and fears that lead society to view disability through a lens of pity or disdain. She explores how ableism shapes everything from medical care to reproductive rights—and even the way parenting itself is structured and evaluated.One of the episode's most fascinating discussions focuses on Jessica's research around early transitions into parenthood for non-disabled families versus disabled families. Remarkably, Jessica discovered that disabled parents tend to adjust far more easily and report fewer incidences of postpartum depression—despite often facing greater physical health challenges. She explains how our cultural fear of disability makes this early period harder for non-disabled parents: society conditions us to dread having bodies that are weak, fragile, or dependent on others. Disabled parents, meanwhile, have already accepted and adapted to these realities, making the transition less shocking and chaotic.Overcoming Barriers in Parenting SystemsThroughout our interview, Jessica candidly describes how social systems and institutions—from reproductive health practices to the foster care system—are often ill-equipped for disabled people. She discusses the enormous challenges and fears disabled parents face when navigating the foster adoption process, including inaccessible mandatory classes and intense scrutiny about physical fitness to parent. Despite these obstacles, Jessica demonstrates the incredible resourcefulness and creativity that disabled parents show in developing customized solutions for caring for their families.Jessica's story about becoming a parent through fostering and surrogacy illustrates poignantly both the systemic barriers disabled people face and their impressive capacity to advocate for themselves, adapt, and thrive. She insists that disabled parents' lives are not tragedies to be pitied; instead, they exemplify adaptability, patience, and the courage to embrace life's unpredictability.In the Episode…Beyond these deeply insightful conversations, our discussion with Jessica covers much more, including:How Jessica's disability shifted her perspective from striving and achievement to genuine contentmentThe critical importance of accessible and inclusive sexual education for disabled teensThe ongoing practice of invention and creativity disabled parents rely on to accomplish everyday caregiving tasksThe connection between productivity, capitalism, and society's attitudes toward disability and human worthJessica challenges and expands our cultural notion of what it truly means to be a capable, loving, and effective parent. Her journey offers invaluable lessons, not only for the disabled community, but for parents everywhere. Join us for an illuminating conversation you won't want to miss—and don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens!

Sara and Morton Sherman, authors of Resonant Minds, reveal how parents can use music intentionally to build stronger connections with teens, navigate emotions, and support adolescent development.Full Show NotesIn a fast-paced world flooded by digital distractions, it's sometimes difficult for parents to understand how to connect more closely with their teens. We might even wonder: Is music helping or distracting teens? They have their headphones on non-stop, but what music are they listening to, and why does it mean so much to them? Music is consistently present throughout teen culture, providing emotional refuge, identity reinforcement, and sometimes, a channel to express thoughts that might otherwise remain unspoken. But as parents, educators, and caregivers, how can we intentionally use music as a communication tool to foster emotional growth, mindfulness, and stronger family connections?In this week's conversation, we explore how music isn't just entertainment or background noise—it's a powerful gateway to teen emotions and a key to deeper family relationships when used mindfully and intentionally.Our guests this week, Sara Leila Sherman and Morton Sherman, authors of the new book Resonant Minds: The Transformative Power of Music, One Note at a Time, help parents explore ways to better understand and support their teens through music. Sara is a classical musician, educator, and founder of the children's concert series Mozart for Munchkins and the Little Mozart Foundation, while Morton is an esteemed educational leader renowned for visionary contributions in teaching and leadership. They're here to offer insight into the rich possibilities music provides for building emotional awareness, mindfulness, and family connections.How Music Shapes Emotions and MindsetSara and Mort explain that teenagers spend up to four hours a day on average listening to music—but not always intentionally or thoughtfully. Music, they explain, is always working subtly to influence our emotions. Intentionally choosing music can help teens shift their emotional state, whether they want to reduce stress, lift their mood, or even find calm and concentration. Sara reveals how a simple piece of music can help teens reach a calmer mindset or even create safe emotional exploration.Sara shares practical tips on how parents can help teens become more purposeful listeners. Asking teens to select songs as a mood-boosting family activity, for example, can create an emotional dialogue and a stronger familial bond. But this practice takes patience and openness—forcing teens to turn off their music or forbidding certain genres won't work and can backfire quickly. The real key, the Shermans explain, is to let music serve as a platform for conversations, connections, and ultimately self-discovery.Using Music for Mindfulness and Family HarmonySara highlights examples from her workshops, where music paired with mindful practices helps students handle anxiety or self-consciousness during challenging moments. Simple exercises, like breathing along with the rhythm of a carefully-selected piece of music, can significantly relieve tension. Additionally, choosing family music traditions or routines—like designating a specific artist or playlist to accompany certain tasks like homework, chores, or winding down—can set helpful rhythms for the entire family's daily routine.Mort emphasizes that music isn't just about individual wellbeing, but also about building community and understanding. He suggests that instead of shutting down teens' interests or dismissing music they appreciate but parents might find unsettling, we can choose to engage in it as an educational and bonding opportunity. Redirecting potentially negative influences requires a careful conversational approach, built on trust, respect, and dialogue. By showing respectful curiosity about their music choices, we not only acknowledge their emerging independence, we also reinforce healthy decision-making skills.Cultivating Positive Musical HabitsThe Shermans encourage parents and teens alike to develop “mindful musical habits” to promote emotional regulation and balance. Sara explains how picking anchoring pieces of music—those we connect strongly with and that reliably help us feel grounded—can become positive habits in both teens' and parents' daily landscapes. Mort adds the importance of experimenting and discovering what works best for each individual family member, reminding parents that music choice is deeply personal, and what works for one may not resonate for all. Mutual respect in listening develops lifelong learning, understanding, and family closeness.Mort also suggests playful, simple family activities, like guessing songs by tapping rhythms, sharing musical memories from each generation, or collectively creating family playlists, can extend bonding experiences. These intentional rituals turn fleeting family moments into treasured memories, layered with musical meaning that resonates far beyond adolescence.In the Episode…Whether your teen is an aspiring musician or just glued to their Spotify account, the Shermans provide practical, actionable ideas to make music a more intentional part of family life. Other topics covered include:How music can support teens who struggle socially or academicallyUsing musical earworms positively in your teen's daily routineWhy parents shouldn't outright ban controversial music but engage through listening and dialogueEmerging technologies and AI-generated personalized music—and how it impacts teens' musical consumptionTo learn more about Resonant Minds and find the Sherman's recommended playlist, visit resonantminds.com. You can also directly experience Sara's interactive musical sessions at Mozart for Munchkins events if you're located in New York City. Thanks so much for tuning in this week—share, subscribe, and stay tuned for more fascinating conversations next week!

William Stixrud and Ned Johnson, authors of The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-driven Child, share how parents can build connection, support autonomy, set healthy expectations, and create more joy and calm in family life.Full Show NotesAs our children grow into teenagers, parents often find themselves uncertain about how deeply to intervene. We know our kids need our involvement and guidance, but teenagers also crave autonomy and independence. Teens often appear distant and difficult, getting frustrated when we try to help solve their problems, yet feeling hurt when we don't show enough interest. Add stress about school, extracurriculars, and the future into the mix, and family life can quickly spiral into frequent conflict, anxiety, and disconnection.How can we give our teenagers the steady presence they need without micromanaging or inadvertently amplifying their stress? What does being a relaxed, positive, and supportive parent actually look like in daily practice? How can we inspire our teens to be driven, motivated, and self-directed without resorting to threats, bribes, or constant reminders?Today's guests, William Stixrud and Ned Johnson, offer compassionate, practical solutions from their new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-driven Child. Bill is a clinical neuropsychologist, and Ned is the founder of Prep Matters. After two bestselling books on parenting and educational motivation, their latest interactive workbook provides powerful exercises and reflective prompts to help parents foster resilience, autonomy, and joy in their families. Together, Bill and Ned show how parents can become calm, confident leaders who empower teens rather than push or control them.Building a Calm and Confident Parental PresenceBill and Ned share why being a calm, non-anxious presence is one of the most powerful ways to support our teens. Rather than reflecting back our children's stress or adding to it with our own worries, they recommend setting the goal of becoming less emotionally reactive. Bill and Ned offer practical strategies, including meditation and cognitive practices, to train ourselves out of fear-based interactions. This calm approach reinforces teens' belief that they can handle life's ups and downs without parents needing to intervene constantly.Healthy Expectations vs. Anxiety-Driven PressureHow high should parents set their expectations? Bill and Ned dive deep into how expectations can provide either healthy motivation or become harmful sources of anxiety. They remind parents that expressing gentle confidence—that our teens are capable if they work at something—is far healthier and more motivating than demanding perfect outcomes. Bill and Ned reveal thoughtful ways to assess and realign your family's expectations around what truly matters to you and your teen.Using Joy and Humor to ConnectIt's easy for family life with teens to center solely around problems to solve—grades, chores, social relationships—leaving everyone exhausted and joyless. In this episode, Ned and Bill emphasize why prioritizing joyful family rituals like Friday movie nights, outings, or humor-filled interactions are so essential. By carving out time simply to enjoy and laugh together, you communicate that your child's presence is valued and loved unconditionally, no matter the stressors you face.Helping Teens Discover Their Own PathMany teens feel overwhelmed by other people's expectations—parents, teachers, coaches—and lose sight of what they truly want or care about. Bill and Ned offer profound insights into how to ask non-threatening, reflective questions about what teens genuinely love and value. Learning to help your teens identify their intrinsic motivators rather than external pressures is vital to building lifelong skills and confidence.In this Episode, we also discussTalking to teens about their core valuesThe surprising importance of "passionate pastimes"Addressing perfectionism and self-criticismStrategies to parent anxiety-prone or avoidant teensIf you're looking for proven approaches to calm anxiety around parenting teens and foster self-driven motivation, you won't want to miss Bill and Ned's tested wisdom. Their thoughtful, compassionate insights help every parent gracefully navigate the teenage years. Listen now, and make sure to subscribe and share!

The term ADHD Brain refers to neuro-divergent or neuro-spicy attributes. This can, but does not necessarily, include people on the PTSD or ADD spectrum. In the context of this podcast, I am referring generally to people who are easily overwhelmed or distracted. The most commonly accepted traditional styles of meditation value stillness and silence, which can feel especially difficult for people experiencing ADHD Brain. In today's meditation, we invite movement as an anchor to keep our overly active minds focused, as we meditate with ADHD Brain. This podcast is made possible with great thanks to our subscribers on Patreon. Join our community at Patreon (dot) com (slash) theMeditationPodcast

Matt Dees is the winemaker at JONATA, The Hilt, and The Paring, wineries which are located in California's Santa Barbara County.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The guys finally get back together to recap an exciting, confusing, and ultimately disappointing basketball season. They also touch on the NFL prospects of some of your favorite Mizzou Football players, and then get philosophical about the future of the Mizzodcast.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug Bolton, author of Untethered, reveals why teenage misbehavior is a skill issue rather than a motivation problem—and explains how adults can teach teens emotional regulation, stress management, and accountability.Full Show NotesWe've all been there; after yet another homework battle, missed curfew, or bitter argument, we throw our hands up in frustration and wonder why can't our teen just behave? Typically we've been taught to see teens' "problem behaviors"—breaking rules, fighting us on homework, zoning out—is all a motivation issue. We've internalized the idea that teens “act out” because they're lazy, they don't care enough, or they're defiantly choosing not to listen. As a result, parents often respond by escalating punishments, removing privileges, or lecturing until everyone is angry or shut down.But what if we've got this all wrong? What if we're mislabeling stress behaviors and skill deficits as "bad motivation"? Shifting from a motivation-based view to seeing teen misbehavior as a lack of emotional regulation skills can be truly transformational for families. It turns out that when teens aren't meeting expectations, they're usually struggling because they haven't developed crucial skills yet, like moving easily from something they want to do (TikTok, gaming) towards something they don't (homework, chores). Instead of punishing teens, parents can address the root cause: helping them build essential, lifelong skills.To guide us in rethinking teen discipline, we're joined by Doug Bolton, psychologist, longtime principal, therapist, and author of Untethered: Creating Connected Families, Schools, and Communities to Raise a Resilient Generation. Doug spent over two decades as principal at Northshore Academy, a school designed specifically for emotionally and behaviorally struggling teens. He's observed firsthand how approaching misbehavior as a stress and skills problem, rather than a motivation issue, transforms kid's lives and relationships.In this episode, Doug explains why punishments and incentives typically fail with teenagers—and how we can shift to skill-building and connection instead. We'll learn how teens' brains work differently around stress and decision-making (hint: they're not fully mature until age 30!) and why we can't expect instant adult-level reasoning from them constantly. Doug gives us step-by-step guidance on how to respond effectively when teens are stressed, emotional, and reactive.Why Emotions, Not Motivation, Drive Behavior:Have you ever noticed how some days your teen can easily breeze through their homework, while other days they struggle intensely? Doug explains that this is one of the telltale signs of emotional and stress behavior. Teens' emotional regulation skills are still developing, and their ability to smoothly manage stressors fluctuates based on context and daily circumstances. Their struggles come from the normal teenage brain being a "work in progress," not from laziness or defiance.Doug illustrates how quickly adults escalate to punishments when they feel out of control, unintentionally reinforcing shame and fear. Instead, he shows how we can help teens practice emotional regulation strategies like breaks, walks, or even a few minutes playing video games or listening to music, to bring their brains back into calmer, rational territory.Effective Discipline: Teaching Skills, Not Enforcing PunishmentInstead of punishments that create resentment and anger, Doug emphasizes the importance of accountability. But this accountability isn't about suffering detention or grounding—it's about responsibility and making amends. He explains how parents can coach teens through thoughtful conversations about repairing harm done, being responsible, and explaining what happened. Teens are capable of mature reflection, empathy and restitution if we guide them, rather than shame them.Doug also speaks powerfully about the mistakes adults make when it comes to teen status and stress. How younger teens or "less successful" students experience enormous stress from being at the bottom of the peer or family-status ladder, and why we must watch carefully that we aren't subtly reinforcing these harmful hierarchies at home. Treating all kids fairly and helping each teen find purpose and status in their unique talents deeply reduces unhealthy stress.Helping Teens Find Their Purpose Through Service and ConnectionSometimes the teens labeled "troubled" or 'hard-to-reach" are actually those most capable of empathy and service. Doug shares moving stories of teens who were acting out or at risk, yet discovered purpose and meaning through helping younger students or mentoring peers through similar struggles (such as substance abuse recovery). Often the kids who've encountered the biggest hurdles have profound insights to share, if we provide opportunities for them to give.Doug explains how shifting these teens from being the only recipients of support (or discipline) to being providers and mentors themselves can radically change their trajectory, healing emotional wounds and boosting their sense of self-worth.In the Episode…There's a wealth of wisdom Doug shares beyond these topics! In our conversation, Doug and I also cover:Practical emotional regulation strategies for parents and teensHow to identify "stress behaviors" and address underlying stressorsWhy punishments work against connection (and what to do instead!)What parents can learn from couples' "bids for connection"Why teens who struggle most can often give the greatest giftsThis episode takes a closer look at what truly sparks teenage acting out behaviors—and how we as parents and educators can respond thoughtfully and effectively. Doug's approach reframes teen discipline from a power struggle toward understanding, connection, and mutual learning. If you're looking for realistic strategies to reduce confrontations and transform your relationship with your teen, be sure to tune in.Doug Bolton is author of Untethered: Creating Connected Families, Schools, and Communities to Raise a Resilient Generation. Check him out online at drdougbolton.com or FPSchicago.com to learn more. Thanks for listening, and don't forget to share this episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens—we'll see you next week!

Elizabeth Husserl, author of The Power of Enough, joins us to discuss how parents can teach their teens a healthy relationship with money, how to use financial decisions to meet deeper needs, and how families can start meaningful conversations around money.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesMoney can feel like a taboo topic—even within our own households. While we'd love our teens to grow up feeling confident and secure financially, it can seem challenging to teach them how to approach money effectively—let alone joyfully. Many young people enter adulthood without a clear sense of how to balance their financial resources with their deeper needs and desires. How can parents foster a healthier, happier, and more meaningful relationship between their teenagers and money?In this episode, we're diving into how to redefine and transform your family's relationship with money, shifting from scarcity to joy. Joining us on this journey is Elizabeth Husserl, the co-founder of Peak 360 Wealth Management and author of the new book The Power Of Enough: Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money. Elizabeth combines expertise as a financial advisor with insights gained through her study of transpersonal and somatic psychology, teaching families how to view money and wealth in deeper, more fulfilling ways.In our conversation, Elizabeth explains how to help teens understand that wealth goes far beyond having money in the bank. She argues that a healthy relationship with money is about intentionally and creatively meeting our deeper human needs. Elizabeth shares her strategies and exercises developed from psychology and personal experience, guiding parents in teaching teens to manage financial resources thoughtfully and in alignment with their unique sense of fulfillment.Redefining Wealth & ScarcityElizabeth emphasizes the distinction between money and wealth. While money is simply a tool, wealth relates to our overall state of well-being. She describes how many people carry stories of scarcity handed down from previous generations—traumas, hardships, and struggles—despite those conditions no longer matching their everyday experience.By helping teenagers examine their personal and family money stories, parents can free their children from generational anxiety around money and encourage mindful, empowered financial experiences. Elizabeth outlines how we can become "anthropologists" of our money behaviors, identifying patterns and stories without judgment, and then choosing consciously how to move forward.The Wealth Mandala and Teaching Needs-Based DecisionsOne of Elizabeth's key tools—the Wealth Mandala—is a powerful exercise for teens and adults alike. Elizabeth shows us how to use this exercise to explore our core human needs such as connection, belonging, creativity, and safety. By mapping out areas where we feel fulfilled (or lacking), families learn to consciously channel their resources—financial and otherwise—to address what truly matters.Anxiety about money often comes from not truly understanding our needs. Elizabeth provides clear and concrete examples of how parents can guide their teenagers in understanding and articulating their deeper needs—beyond fleeting desires for material possessions—and learning to fulfill these needs in fulfilling, sustainable, and financially mindful ways.Having Honest Family Money ConversationsTalking directly with your children about family finances and money values can be intimidating. Elizabeth offers practical strategies and scripts, like the Target store exercise she implemented with her own daughter, demonstrating how to let teens make empowered spending decisions through a thoughtful dialogue.By responding without judgment or shaming, parents can teach teens to pause and critically evaluate their financial choices. Teens ultimately learn agency over their decisions and how to effectively balance immediate material desires against long-term financial health and satisfaction.In the Episode…Elizabeth's holistic and compassionate approach to money and wealth shows us how we can help teenagers develop a meaningful relationship to their resources. Our conversation also covers:How to change from a finite to an infinite view of workWhy having a 'conversation' with money can change your family dynamicSimple tools for teaching teens financial decision-making skillsHow somatic psychology can guide spending for greater life fulfillmentIf you're looking to shift your family's dialogue about money from tension and confusion toward joy and deep satisfaction, Elizabeth Husserl provides profound insights and accessible strategies. Be sure to check out her book, The Power Of Enough: Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money, and find resources, guides, and more tools on her website elizabethhusserl.com.Thanks for listening! Don't forget to share, subscribe, and we'll see you next week.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Caroline Fleck, author of Validation, explains how to make teens feel deeply understood and supported, highlighting powerful validation tools, avoiding common parenting pitfalls, and uncovering practical strategies to improve teen communication and trust.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesWe often hear that parenting teenagers is one of the hardest yet most rewarding experiences. Is your teen withdrawing, shutting down, or resisting connection? Does it feel like no matter what you say, you're met with silence, frustration, or emotion-driven outbursts? If communication in your household feels increasingly difficult, you're not alone—parents everywhere are struggling to maintain open, positive relationships with their teenagers. What we may not realize is that our well-meaning responses often discourage teens from fully sharing their experiences, pushing them to close themselves off at precisely the time we hope they'll open up.That's where validation comes in—not vague praise or mere agreement, but true validation that meets teens where they are and makes them feel genuinely seen and understood. It's a powerful technique drawn from psychotherapy, designed specifically to reach even the most resistant individuals. Learning validation can transform your interactions with your teenager, making your communication not just easier and more frequent, but deeper, warmer, and more meaningful.In today's episode, we're joined by validation expert Dr. Caroline Fleck, author of Validation. Caroline is a practicing therapist and expert in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), the clinical approach that developed these powerful validation techniques to treat the most challenging clients. She shares why validation was such a groundbreaking discovery in psychology—and why every parent can use it to create profound transformations at home.In our engaging conversation, Caroline introduces the dynamic and practical levels of validation, offering a "validation ladder" technique to help parents authentically relate to their teens' experiences. We discuss common pitfalls, explore why certain ways of communicating with younger children become ineffective—or even counterproductive—as they grow into adolescence, and clarify how validation can be the bridge that adapts along with your teen.Why Validation Matters for TeensValidation isn't just about making teens feel momentarily better—it has tangible, scientifically-backed effects on their emotional health, behavior, and trust. Caroline introduces powerful research that shows teens who anticipate genuine, validating conversations from their parents are likely to be more forthcoming with important details about their lives. Validation communicates that teens' emotions, thoughts, and experiences make sense and are meaningful, which is critical at a developmental stage when acceptance and belonging become extremely important.To illustrate, Caroline shares insightful experiences from her own clinical practice working directly with teenagers. She demonstrates how stepping into teens' worlds in a validating way builds powerful trust and leads to greater openness—even in teens known for being especially guarded. Surprisingly, this doesn't require heavy conversations—in fact, often doing your nails or chatting about a favorite comic can be the launching pad for deeper trust and connection.The Validation LadderCaroline breaks down her validation framework into different levels—what she refers to as the "validation ladder." From simple attention (being mindfully present) at the lowest rung, to logical understanding at mid-level, and finally to a powerful empathy level where parents disclose and relate emotionally, each rung offers progressively deeper validation.But Caroline also warns of risks at each stage. For instance, while empathy and disclosure can powerfully connect, too much disclosure or missing the emotional mark can create disconnection. Validation is subtle, with decreasing margin for error as you climb higher on Caroline's ladder—but it has undeniable, life-changing power when you get it right.Finding the Balance with TeensTeens are paradoxical. On one hand, they want to be understood as unique individuals; on the other, feeling "normal" and accepted by peers is paramount. Caroline walks us through how parents can walk that fine line—validating the emotional intensity of first-time teen experiences while still helping teens see their responses as understandable and normal.One of Caroline's favorite tips? The "Caroline Qualifier," a strategic technique that allows parents to validate the uniqueness of a teen's experience without alienating them or trivializing what they are going through. We discuss practical examples of how to implement this while navigating first breakups and intense friendships.Why "Doing Something" MattersSometimes, simply acknowledging feelings verbally isn't enough. Caroline explains how taking concrete actions can become our most powerful validation tool—clearly communicating to the teen, “I hear you, I value what you're going through, and it's important enough that I'm going to do something about it.” But how do parents decide when to act? Caroline gives critical perspective on when this is helpful, and importantly, when taking action can actually backfire.She offers practical strategies parents can use to show concretely—without becoming controlling or invalidating—that a teen's feelings and needs matter enough for concrete steps to be taken.Powerful Strategies Explored in This Episode:How self-disclosure transforms your teen's trust in youProposing and its Jedi mind-trick impact on communicationFinding the "golden snitch" to reinforce positive behaviorsWhen NOT to validate: handling emotional outbursts constructivelyHow seemingly small invalidating comments can become lasting negative self-talkWant to learn simple—but powerful—validation skills that transform your relationship with your teen? Listen to today's episode with Caroline Fleck for expert validation tools, clear guidance on common parenting pitfalls, and real-world strategies you can use today to forge deeper understanding with your teen. Don't forget to subscribe and share Talking to Teens with friends and family who have teens in their lives!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Kathleen deLaski, author of Who Needs College Anymore?, joins us to discuss the evolving necessity of college education in light of new career pathways, rising tuition costs, and the changing job market influenced by technology and skills-based hiring.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesIn the rapidly changing landscape of education and employment, parents are left questioning the value of a college degree for their teenagers. With soaring tuition fees and an evolving job market that increasingly values skills and experience over formal education, it's no wonder many are rethinking the traditional path. As artificial intelligence and automation continue to reshape industries, the future of college education becomes even more uncertain.To unpack these transformative trends, we're joined this week by Kathleen deLaski, the founder and board chair of the Education Design Lab. Kathleen, a senior advisor at Harvard's Project on Workforce and a professor at George Mason University, recently authored Who Needs College Anymore?, offering a fresh perspective on the traditional college track. Through her work and personal experiences, Kathleen shines a light on how parents can navigate and advise their teens in this shifting educational paradigm.The Evolution of 'Higher Education'The script for achieving the American Dream, once dominated by the pursuit of a college degree, is being rewritten. Kathleen shares insights into how more than half of high school graduates venture towards college, yet less than 40% achieve a bachelor's degree. She delves into the inflated expectations for degrees in the job market and highlights the blurring lines between traditional blue- and white-collar roles—changes driven by technological advancements.Beyond the College DegreeKathleen explores the burgeoning pathways that don't involve college, acknowledging the roles apprenticeships and industry certifications can play. She argues for a mindset shift, urging educational institutions to offer hands-on experience outside conventional classroom settings. The traditional college experience might still benefit some, but for others, Kathleen advocates exploring micro-pathways that offer direct routes into the workforce.Addressing the Last MileOne of the significant hurdles for college graduates is the "last mile," or the transition from education to employment—a common pitfall Kathleen identifies as a gap colleges must address. She emphasizes the importance of obtaining career-related experiences and the proactive role colleges and students should undertake to ensure job readiness. As artificial intelligence becomes a staple in recruitment, standing out requires fostering real-world skills and networks.In the Episode...Throughout our conversation, Kathleen offers thoughtful insights into these pressing questions:How can parents support teens' interests while considering modern educational pathways?What role do certifications and digital skills wallets play in validating competencies without degrees?How can we facilitate skills-based hiring to redefine job readiness?Kathleen deLaski's perspective is invaluable for any parent navigating their teen's educational choices amidst rapid changes in higher education. Her work urges us to reconsider our approach to student success, encouraging dialogue and action to adapt to the future of learning. For those interested in learning more about Kathleen's thought-provoking work, visit whoneedscollegeanymore.org, where resources and discussion guides are available. Don't forget to check out her book for a comprehensive understanding of how degrees might lose their gravity in the coming years. Stay tuned and subscribe for a deeper dive into the education of tomorrow.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Meditation allows us the opportunity to slow our actions, regulate our nerves, and gain insight from our own natural wisdom. Reiki is a gentle infusion of life energy. Combined, these practices help us to invoke rest and recovery. In today's meditation, we practice a simple meditation, infused with reiki. This podcast is made possible with great thanks to our subscribers on Patreon. Join our community at Patreon (dot) com (slash) theMeditationPodcast

Anne-Laure Le Cunff, author of Tiny Experiments, joins us to discuss how an experimental mindset can offer teens a refreshing, exploratory approach to personal success, allowing them to break free from linear goal setting and conventional expectations.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesIn our quest to guide teens toward successful futures, we often urge them to set concrete, linear goals. We believe these goals offer structure and direction—yet this mindset may inadvertently restrict creativity, unique pursuits, and personal growth in our teens. What if, instead of marching along predetermined paths, teens explored a series of small, impactful experiments that revealed their interests and potential?Today, we're exploring a whole new way of setting teens up for success. Anne-Laure Le Cunff, ex-Googler, neuroscience Ph.D. candidate, and author of Tiny Experiments, reveals how embracing an experimental mindset can help teens navigate life with creativity and freedom. Through her work at Ness Labs, Anne-Laure encourages adopting experimentation over goal-setting to discover personal and unique paths.In her book, Anne-Laure proposes that teens be encouraged to test "tiny experiments" in various areas of their lives—whether it's trying a new hobby, exploring a budding interest, or learning a different skill. Instead of focusing on long-term commitments or the fear of making mistakes, these experiments allow for trial, error, and—most importantly—learning. This approach empowers teens to gather experience and data from which they can draw conclusions for the future.Cultivating CuriosityTeens are naturally curious, and Anne-Laure asserts we should nurture this trait. She suggests parents help teens create a "curiosity circle," where they can explore interests in a group setting, driving communal and personal growth. Recalling how adulthood urged us to “figure it all out,” Anne-Laure invites parents to reminisce about their own teenage years and prioritize exploration over immediate resolutions for their children.Energy and Decision MakingManaging energy, not just time, is crucial for effective experimentation. Anne-Laure highlights the importance of tracking one's energy and aligning activities with peak times for productive engagement. Reflecting on energy levels can enhance experiment outcomes—ensuring that teens feel empowered to optimize their personal schedules for better results.Overcoming Activation BarriersA significant challenge lies in initiating the first step. Anne-Laure introduces frameworks like “the pact” and “plus, minus, next” which scaffold the experimental process, breaking down larger tasks into manageable pieces and prompting reflection. This helps teens confidently explore new initiatives by emphasizing commitment, action, and reflection over mere completion.ConclusionAdopting an experimental mindset allows teens to approach uncertainties in life with agility and resilience—turning challenges into chances to learn. By encouraging experiments, we can prevent the analysis paralysis that often accompanies teen decision-making processes, fostering a more balanced, engaged approach to life.In the Episode…On top of the above, Anne-Laure and I also discuss:How perfectionism undermines opportunityThe role of community in shared learning experiencesPractical examples of setting up a teen-led experimentTracking progress and understanding setbacksFor more insights from Anne-Laure Le Cunff, visit Ness Labs or sign up for her newsletter. If you enjoyed this episode, help us spread the word, share with friends, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more enlightened discussions.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Paul Sunseri, author of "Gentle Parenting Reimagined," shares strategies for fostering respectful and productive communication with teenagers, focusing on maintaining calm authority and handling defiance with effective behavior change techniques.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesParenting teens often feels like a constant negotiation, where requests are met with pushback, homework remains unfinished, and bedtime mysteriously shifts later and later. As a parent, you might find yourself repeating the same requests over and over, only to engage in a frustrating dance of argumentation that doesn't end until you're both worn out. The challenge is getting teens to engage respectfully and follow through the first time--all without nagging or raising your voice.Traditional approaches may no longer work as our teens become more independent and begin to test boundaries like never before. However, it's crucial to establish a balance between gentle connection and firm guidance to effectively communicate and set limits. How can we aspire to keep our cool while managing the everyday defiance?This week's podcast guest, Paul Sunseri, is here to help us find that harmony. Paul is a clinical psychologist, father of four, and author of "Gentle Parenting Reimagined". With over 40 years of experience working with children and adolescents with serious mental health conditions, he has developed Intensive Family Focused Therapy, specializing in behaviorally challenging youth. Paul's extensive experience informs his book, where he combines behavioral strategies with gentle parenting practices to provide actionable advice for dealing with oppositional and defiant kids.In our conversation, Paul describes how parents often feel outmatched by their teenager's ability to escalate arguments or throw them off course with "red herrings"--distracting statements meant to derail. Paul explains how to spot these diversions and prevent them from sidetracking you, maintaining focus on your original request with calm firmness.Cultivating Effective CommunicationFor parents, mastering a calm and confident “vibe” is crucial. Paul highlights that barking orders often results in more resistance—a counterproductive cycle. Instead, he advocates for maintaining a matter-of-fact tone that sets clear expectations and consequence pathways without generating conflict.This episode also explores transitioning from traditional commands to more collaborative asks. As kids mature, they respond better to peer-like respect and autonomy rather than dictatorial orders. Paul introduces a language restructuring strategy that can increase cooperation by treating teens as responsible individuals capable of managing their tasks—if they can be persuaded to see the personal benefits in doing so.Dealing with DefianceWhen kids push boundaries through disrespect or defiance, leveraging privileges effectively becomes essential. Paul shares his methodology of “pause, earn, and return” for reinforcing positive behavior without resorting to extended punishments devoid of redemption paths. These principles rest on the concept that privileges, particularly screen time, can be used as motivation to encourage desired behaviors.Through tweaks like establishing daily privilege earning systems for challenging youths, parents are guided on instilling responsibility and routine, even in seemingly intractable scenarios like morning school readiness.Reinforcing Limits with LovePaul underscores the importance of reinforcing behavioral limits with affection, humor, and attentive engagement. A harmonious family dynamic, he claims, stems from a foundation of warmth, humor, and mutual respect—qualities that make turning away from negative conduct all the more desirable to teens.In the Episode...My conversation with Paul yields a wealth of wisdom for parents grappling with unruly teen behavior. Beyond the strategies discussed, Paul and I also touch upon:How to handle anger and escalations effectivelyThe significance of raising expectations for teens' social and developmental growthUsing humor for reinforcement rather than conflictStrategies for encouraging teenagers to take on responsibilities, like driver's licenses or part-time jobsFor more, dive into Paul's insightful guide on managing teen behavior at myifft.org, and keep developing productive and respectful communication with your teens. Don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more episodes full of valuable insights every week!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Melanie Shankle, author of Here Be Dragons, joins us to share insights from her complex mother-daughter relationship and discuss how parents can break generational cycles, empower their teens, and handle high school drama with grace.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers often means we find ourselves navigating uncharted waters, especially when attempting to break away from the generational cycles of how we were raised. As parents, we aim to avoid the pitfalls our parents may have encountered, ensuring that we foster healthy relationships and nurture authentic communication with our children. But with social media, school pressures, and developmental changes, there are always dragons to slay along the way.This week, we're delving into the struggles and joys of raising teens with Melanie Shankle, author of seven books, including her newest release, Here Be Dragons. Melanie opens up about her history with her own mother and how it influenced her journey of motherhood. Her personal experiences and stories have shaped her perspective and allowed her to break the cycle, raising her daughter with intention and resilience.In the conversation, Melanie and I touch on the complex realities of teenage friendships and the competitive pressures that come with them. Melanie reflects on how witnessing mean girl dynamics in her daughter's high school experience inspired her book and highlighted the importance of being a supportive parent without helicoptering. We explore how these teenage social challenges can sometimes echo the emotional turmoil experienced in their parents' childhoods.The Perils of High School FriendshipsTeenage friendships can be fraught with challenges, especially in a social media-saturated world. While everyone feels they need to be part of the group, Melanie notes how social media adds an unprecedented layer of complexity, allowing for relentless bullying that follows teens beyond the schoolyard. Her daughter Caroline's real-life challenges with peer drama serve as a poignant reminder of the importance of teaching resilience and self-care.Melanie's approach involved empowering her daughter to tackle her social challenges with dignity, encouraging Caroline to take decisive actions, whether by confronting her peers or turning to school authorities when necessary. This empowerment not only helped Caroline stand up for herself but also forged life-long skills she continues to use.Fathers as Role ModelsMelanie elaborates on the critical role her father played in shaping her self-worth and stability, despite having a turbulent relationship with her mother. The dynamics with her father shed light on the significant impact fathers have as role models in their daughters' lives. Melanie underscores the perseverance her father showed, being a constant presence despite difficulties, a lesson she passes along to parents on how resilience and love can transcend challenging circumstances.Understanding the complex emotions between parents and children can help foster better relationships, providing teens with a stable and loving foundation even amidst family disruptions.Navigating Generational HealingDrawing from her experiences growing up with a narcissistic mother, Melanie reflects on the crucial steps of breaking generational cycles. From learning to express her own needs in adulthood to creating a household where her child's voice is heard and valued, Melanie's story is Testament to overcoming the shadows of the past.Parents will resonate with Melanie's anecdotes of finding her own voice and her conscious efforts to parent with empathy and openness. Creating an emotionally healthy environment in which parents can communicate openly with their teens lays the groundwork for trust, ensuring a better life for generations to come.In the Episode…Melanie shares more invaluable wisdom throughout the conversation. On top of the discussed themes, we also talk about:How to equip teens for life's hardshipsAddressing teenage drinking attitudesResponding to difficult parental relationshipsTransforming personal struggles into life lessonsCheck out Melanie's latest book Here Be Dragons, and follow her on Instagram @MelanieShankle for more updates. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe and share with others who might benefit from these powerful stories and lessons.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Blaise Aguirre, author of I Hate Myself, joins us to discuss the pervasive issue of self-hatred among teenagers, explore the role of comparison and perfectionism in self-criticism, and highlight the benefits of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesFor many parents, watching their teen grapple with self-critical thoughts can be heartbreaking. It's a common refrain to hear kids say, "I'm so stupid," or "I can never do anything right." When these thoughts persist, they can become ingrained, leading to deep-seated self-hatred. Addressing these feelings early can prevent them from becoming a dominant force in a teenager's life. But how can parents help their teens escape this negative mindset and view themselves with compassion and understanding?Understanding and dismantling self-loathing in teens is critical. Today's guest, Dr. Blaise Aguirre, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of the new book, I Hate Myself, provides invaluable insight into this pervasive issue. Dr. Aguirre is renowned for his work at McLean Hospital, where he has developed programs for teens with self-destructive behaviors and suicidal tendencies, utilizing Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help manage these complex emotions.In the episode, Dr. Aguirre explains that self-hatred is often a deeply internalized perception of oneself, not merely occasional self-criticism. This profound dislike integrates into a teen's core identity, creating a permanent, immutable sense of worthlessness that shadows them constantly. He discusses how identifying self-hatred requires more than just taking a teen's words at face value, particularly when they respond with "I'm fine." Instead, parents and caregivers must look for deeper signs: perfectionism, people-pleasing behavior, and excessive self-criticism.The Role of DBT in Combating Self-HateDr. Aguirre introduces us to the principles of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a method combining Zen mindfulness and behavioral therapy. DBT aims to help teens manage emotions, develop coping skills, and foster a sense of self-worth. This therapeutic approach has been incredibly effective in reducing suicidal behavior, by first accepting where a teen is emotionally and then helping them build skills to navigate through these challenging feelings.In particular, Dr. Aguirre highlights how DBT can dismantle the illusion that self-hatred is a permanent trait. Through mindfulness and practice, teens can learn to see themselves not as inherently flawed, but as individuals capable of change and value. This transformation is pivotal in helping them move past beliefs tied to early childhood experiences that fostered their negative perceptions.The Danger of ComparisonsWhile guiding teens towards self-acceptance, avoiding comparisons is crucial. Dr. Aguirre emphasizes how societal and familial pressures can exacerbate self-hatred, especially when teens are pushed to measure themselves against siblings or peers. Instead of uplifting, these comparisons can anchor teens to unrealistic standards of perfection that intensify their dissatisfaction and critical self-view.Dr. Aguirre suggests that parents reframe comparisons. Allowing teens to measure their growth against themselves—focusing on becoming more self-compassionate and less reliant on external validation—can break the cycle of detrimental comparisons and encourage personal development.In the Episode…In our conversation with Blaise Aguirre, we dissect the nuances of self-hatred among teens and explore various ways to combat it. Tune in to gain insights on:How perfectionism relates to self-hatredThe importance of listening and validation in communicationDeveloping a new framework for self-compassionPractical steps for creating a supportive home environmentFor parents and caregivers, learning about and addressing self-hate in teens is essential for fostering healthier developmental outcomes. If you enjoyed this episode, consider exploring more from Dr. Blaise Aguirre and understanding how his work at McLean Hospital continues to impact young lives. Listen and subscribe to stay informed and empowered in supporting your teen.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

We often enter our meditations with some kind of expectation. We expect a clear mind, a favorable outcome, answers, insights, and solutions. However, our meditations don't always play along nicely. Our minds race, our anxieties seem to increase, and we remain lost in our unanswered questions. In today's meditation, we learn to embrace disorder, uncontrol, and chaos. This allows us to simply exist. Over time, we learn to release control over ourselves, and to think and act deep in our true nature. This podcast is made possible with great thanks to our subscribers on Patreon. Join our community at Patreon (dot) com (slash) theMeditationPodcast

Lisa A. Phillips, author of First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak, joins us to discuss the complexities of teenage love, including the effects on parents, navigating breakups, and the significance of early romantic experiences.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesAdolescence is a time of self-discovery, and first forays into love play a crucial role in shaping future relationships. Yet, teenage love can be dismissed as fleeting and inconsequential by adults who overlook its developmental importance. While crushes and early heartbreaks may seem minor, they prepare teens for the complex emotional landscapes they will navigate as adults. Understanding and supporting teens in their romantic ventures is essential, not only for their growth but also to foster open dialogue between parents and their children.This episode features Lisa A. Phillips, writer and professor, who explores these themes in her book, First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak. Lisa's perspective arises from her experience as a mother navigating her daughter's early romantic relationships and her professional background in mental health and relationship writing. Her insights offer valuable guidance for parents striving to connect with their teens during these formative years.In our conversation, Lisa shares how parents' emotions can unexpectedly be stirred by their teens' romantic experiences. Research by psychologist Lawrence Steinberg suggests that parents might revisit unresolved feelings from their own youth, which can impact the way they perceive their teen's experiences. This emotional upheaval underscores the importance of parents addressing their own past to better support their teen's present.The Role of CrushesAn early discussion focuses on the significance of crushes as developmental milestones. These seemingly one-sided infatuations can provide a safe space for teenagers to explore complex emotions. Lisa explains how parents can use this phase as an opportunity to discuss feelings and expectations, helping teens differentiate between fantasy and reality in relationships. By engaging in these discussions, parents can help teens develop a nuanced understanding of mutuality and respect in their romantic lives.Communicating About LoveDespite the challenges, Lisa emphasizes the importance of proactively engaging in conversations about love and relationships with teenagers. Studies have shown that a significant number of young adults wish they had received more guidance from their parents about the emotional aspects of dating. Lisa encourages parents to talk with their teens about their romantic feelings, even when teens seem indifferent to these discussions. These conversations can instill a sense of value in relationships and showcase the importance of thoughtful reflection.Tackling SituationshipsLisa introduces the concept of "situationships"—relationships that are ambiguous and undefined—to highlight a common experience among modern teens. She provides guidance on how parents can help teens navigate these complex scenarios by encouraging them to consider their feelings before, during, and after interactions. This process can lead to greater self-awareness and empower teens to make choices better aligned with their well-being.In the Episode...Throughout the episode, Lisa and I cover an array of topics related to teen love, including:How transitions in relationships can add layers of complexityThe importance of developing a “thick narrative” post-breakupHow social connectedness and same-sex friendships impact long-term relationship successThe notion of "information" as a tool to help teens assess their relationshipsExplore these insights and more by tuning into the episode. Don't forget to share and subscribe, and stay tuned for future episodes of Talking to Teens. Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

When is it okay to move away from 12 step programs? Is it okay? Or are we destined to drink or use again?  For some people, that's a dangerous prospect to consider, especially in early recovery. For others, it might be a way of honoring the need for something more. My guest Eric Zimmer, host of the wildly popular podcast “The One You Feed” and I are going to get into the nuances of recovery, how we evolve over the long term and so much more. Before we jump in, a quick announcement. If you find yourself skipping your self care practices like meditation, exercise, or connecting with others, then you're probably out of balance. Over time, this leads to increased anxiety, burnout, and ultimately feelings of “not good enough”.   As a chronic overachiever and goal getter, I fall into this trap myself. The one practice I have found that really helps me to get back on track is a 15 minute journaling exercise. It helps me to validate my own feelings, resolve internal resistance, and get back into balance so I can take action on what matters most, without feeling overwhelmed. You can download this worksheet for free by visiting: innercompassprogram.com So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop, authors of The Disengaged Teen, join us to discuss their insights on teenage disengagement and share strategies to foster better learning, emotional well-being, and overall development in teenagers.When it comes to our teens' education, many of us attempt to walk a tightrope, balancing between overly optimistic perceptions and stark realities. As parents, we often perceive our teens as more engaged in learning than they truly are. What we might not realize is that many teenagers experience varying levels of disengagement during their educational journey, which can affect their overall growth and happiness. Understanding these dynamics within our children can drastically change our approach and thereby foster better communication and support.In this episode, we explore the science of teenage disengagement with Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop, the authors of The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. Jenny, an award-winning journalist, and Rebecca, a senior fellow at Brookings and professor at Georgetown University, come together to bring attention to the various ways teens engage with school and learning. Through research and extensive interviews, they've identified different modes of learning engagement that teens experience: Resistor, Passenger, Achiever, and Explorer modes. Their framework serves as a tool to help us recognize and support our teens based on their unique engagement level. The authors explain how crucial it is to tailor our approach to these modes, especially as teenage learning engagement can directly impact their emotional well-being and future success. Jenny and Rebecca provide insightful observations, such as why boys might be more prone to being in Passenger mode and how fostering agency is key to shifting them into Explorer mode.Understanding the Four ModesJenny and Rebecca delve deep into the characteristics of each mode. They urge parents to consider intentional questions beyond the simple "How was your day?"–questions that encourage teens to express more than routine responses. They also stress the importance of recognizing early signs of disengagement, especially when children are content with coasting and not pushing themselves to explore or challenge what they know.Achiever mode might initially sound ideal, with teens appearing diligent and high-performing, but the conversation reveals a hidden downside. Unhappiness in Achiever mode—an inability to cope with failure and a fixation on perfectionism—can lead to mental health challenges. Encouraging Curiosity and AgencyThe authors enlighten us about the importance of curiosity and the role of perceived agency in encouraging teens to shift from Passenger or Achiever modes into the coveted Explorer mode. Rather than telling teenagers what to pursue, parents are encouraged to notice their children's interests and support them, regardless of whether it aligns with traditional goals, such as college admissions.Jenny and Rebecca also emphasize the importance of giving teens free time to rest their minds and explore creative unconventional thought. They discuss how moments of unstructured time foster creativity and lead to "Transcendent Thinking," a deeper level of cognitive engagement that comes from meaningful, self-driven inquiry.Breaking the Nagging-Procrastination CycleMany parents find themselves trapped in a cycle of nagging and procrastination, striving to get their children to complete their tasks. Jenny and Rebecca suggest practical methods to help break this cycle by prompting kids to make their own plans and holding them accountable to those plans—ultimately encouraging them to take responsibility for their learning.In the Episode...Our conversation with Jenny and Rebecca reveals critical insights into teenage learning engagement. Beyond the topics discussed, we also delve into:The impact of social expectations on teenage learningHow parental expectations can inadvertently contribute to perfectionismThe benefits of redefining success for our kidsSpecific strategies for helping teens open up about their educational experiencesFeeling equipped to tackle teenage disengagement? Hear the full episode to help your teen learn, feel, and live better. Don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more illuminating conversations. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Michael Chad Hoeppner, author of Don't Say Um, joins us to share speaking tips for parents and teens, focusing on effective communication techniques and how delivery can enhance dialogue.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show NotesCrafting the right message for teens is only half the battle when it comes to effective communication. Striking a balance between content and delivery can significantly impact how teens absorb what we're trying to say. As parents, we often stress over the precise words to use, focused on the content, and inadvertently overlook the power of speech delivery. How we speak, not just what we say, can be critical in ensuring our message resonates and leaves a lasting imprint on our teenagers.For many parents, navigating the conversational minefields of adolescence can be daunting. The fear of being tuned out or misinterpreted adds to the pressure of an already rigorous parenting task. While teenagers are known to push boundaries, leaving us to harp on the things they shouldn't be doing, there's a compelling case for focusing less on prohibitions and more on fostering positive dialogue. In today's fast-paced world, ripe with distractions, honing the art of effective speech can be a game-changer in our interactions.To help us deepen our understanding of this topic, we turn to Michael Chad Hoeppner, author of the new book Don't Say Um. Michael is an expert in speech coaching, working with high-profile individuals from presidential candidates to CEOs. He aims to transform how we view and execute communication, moving us away from focusing on filler words and towards what he calls "linguistic precision." Throughout his work, he advocates for positive communication strategies that can be transformative in both personal and professional realms, and he's here to share some of these insights with us.The Mystery of 'Um'Although refraining from using filler words like "um" might seem trivial, Michael shows us how avoiding them can enhance clarity and precision. Instead of harping on the use of such words, the book encourages us to pivot to linguistic accuracy, which means encouraging effective and thoughtful word choices. This approach can empower parents to communicate more efficiently with teenagers, focusing on the richness of content rather than its distractions.Michael emphasizes how vital this strategy is not only in improving parent-teen dialogue but also as a lesson in better communicative habits for teens. As he describes, creating a more positive speech environment can challenge both parents and teens to engage more actively and meaningfully in conversations.Practical Tools for Everyday ConversationsMichael shares a variety of exercises designed to sharpen articulation and delivery, including unexpected but effective techniques such as the "cork exercise." By utilizing methods like these, both parents and teens can learn to articulate better, making each conversation more impactful. Michael and I also delve into how these rituals improve not just speaking habits, but can also inspire personal growth and confidence.He insists that parents—by demonstrating their own willingness to improve communication skills—serve as powerful role models for their teenagers. This leads to an empowering cycle where teens are encouraged to improve their expressiveness and feel more confident in their communication.Raising Confident CommunicatorsAn essential element of effective communication is confidence, but as Michael notes, projecting confidence doesn't always require feeling confident. By addressing the distinction between communication content and delivery, parents and teens can build a foundation of confidence that empowers them in various social situations. Michael stresses the importance of focusing on what you can control—like breathing, posture, and other techniques, which can lend anyone more control over how confident they appear.Communicating with teens isn't just about delivering information; it's about creating memorable, impactful interactions. Michael helps illustrate the importance of confronting nervousness in ways that don't shy away from, but rather embrace the body's natural reactions to stress and excitement. This emphasis not only builds stronger communicators but also fosters important emotional intelligence.In the Episode…Michael shares a wealth of insights on:Exercises to enhance clarity and articulationTechniques for managing vocal tendencies like "vocal fry"Strategies for using physical posture to improve presence and persuasionTactics to encourage authentic self-expression in teenagersIf you'd like to delve deeper into perfecting communication with your teen, this episode is a must-listen. Check out the free chapter on dontsayum.com and don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more enlightening discussions!Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Famed football coach Bill McCartney passed on Friday. Most Mizzou fans remember McCartney for his role as the Colorado Buffaloes head coach during his national title run in 1990, and in particular during the infamous 5th down game. But what many don't know is that McCartney was a Mizzou football player himself on the 1960 championship team. I interviewed him for my book "Respectable Roughnecks" in 2014 and this is that interview. RIP Bill. MIZ.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Amy Wilson, author of Happy to Help, joins us to discuss the complexities of people pleasing, her personal journey of overcoming it, and strategies for teaching teens to listen to their own voice and set healthy boundaries.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show NotesAs parents, we want to raise teens who are confident, grounded in their values, and capable of standing up for themselves—even when it's difficult. Yet in a world that often rewards people-pleasing behavior, teaching our teens to cultivate authenticity can be a tricky endeavor. From a young age, many individuals are socialized to put others' needs before their own, ignore their inner voice, and aim to please. The challenge for caregivers lies in guiding teenagers to embrace their own desires and make decisions based on their personal truths, even when faced with societal pressures to conform.This is the backdrop of today's discussion, as we delve into the nuances of people pleasing and the importance of empowering teens to connect with their inner voices. Our guest, Amy Wilson, an actor, writer, podcaster, and author of Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser, shares her journey from an eighth-grade people pleaser to a conscious parent teaching her children the value of self-advocacy. Amy brings a wealth of experience, not only from her own life but from hosting the podcast What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood.Throughout the episode, Amy emphasizes the role of parents in modeling boundary setting and advocating for personal wants and needs. She reflects on the importance of letting kids experience natural consequences and the discomfort of unmet expectations to encourage problem-solving skills and personal growth.The Consequences of Over-RemindingOne common struggle shared by parents is the habitual reminder—a seemingly well-intentioned effort to guide teens through their obligations can sometimes backfire. When reminders become incessant, teenagers may develop resistance or rely on their parents for motivation, detracting from their sense of responsibility and autonomy. Amy openly discusses her own struggles and how she has navigated this territory with her children, offering valuable insights on striking a balance between gentle guidance and fostering independence.Eighth Grade Diaries and Emotional IntensityAmy also takes us on a nostalgic journey through her eighth-grade diary entries, which she uses as a lens to explore adolescent self-awareness and emotional experiences. This segment highlights the significance of strong emotions and first-time experiences during young adolescence, encouraging parents to validate their teens' feelings while providing the perspective that comes with age and maturity.Tackling Perfectionism and Gender ExpectationsA notable theme in Amy's discussion is perfectionism, specifically the concept of socially prescribed perfectionism imposed by societal standards. This pressure is particularly pertinent to the expectations placed on women and girls, and Amy eloquently addresses how parents can combat these external pressures by reinforcing their teens' intrinsic worth and personal boundaries.As we explore these themes, Amy shares anecdotes from her experiences—both personal and as a parent—alongside actionable strategies for helping teenagers honor their authentic selves. In the Episode…Join the conversation as we uncover:The importance of providing teens with space to fail and learn from mistakes.How to identify and combat people-pleasing tendencies in yourself and your teens.Strategies for breaking the cycle of responding to social expectations.Ways to empower teens to articulate and pursue their true desires.Amy Wilson's episode is a deep dive into the realm of people pleasing and the crucial skills parents can foster to help teens lead authentic, self-assured lives. Tune in to share some laughs and gain insights that bridge the gap between generational boundaries. Don't forget to subscribe for more enlightening conversations on Talking to Teens!Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

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The Tigers finish the 2024 season 10-3 after a big win over Iowa in the Music City Bowl in Nashville. The guys break down the game, and talk about what it means for the Mizzou program to have back-to-back 10+ win seasons. They also look at how the rest of the SEC fared in the bowl season and evaluate how the new 12-team college football playoff is panning out in its first year! #SaveTheTroughs #MIZSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Ellen Hendriksen, author of How to Be Enough, delves into the nuances of perfectionism, how it affects teens, and offers guidance on fostering self-acceptance while maintaining drive and ambition.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show NotesIn a world where teens are striving to excel in grades, sports, arts, and social standing, societal pressure and self-imposed standards can frequently lead to a feeling of inadequacy. Many teenagers, despite achieving great things, grapple with the invisible weight of not being "enough." As parents and mentors, it's crucial to comprehend this ongoing "silent epidemic" of perfectionism that threatens to undermine their self-worth.Our guest today, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, provides an enlightening take on this pervasive issue. A reputable clinical psychologist and author, Ellen's latest book, How to Be Enough, explores the intricate dance between striving for excellence and recognizing innate worth. Whether you identify as a perfectionist or are raising one, this episode is rich with insights that illuminate the road to self-acceptance.Ellen explains how perfectionism, often seen as a quest for flawlessness, is actually a misdirected convincing that one is never truly enough. Yet, it's not all bad. She points out the positive side of conscientiousness—when drive turns into relentless self-criticism, though, that's when perfectionism becomes unhealthy. In our conversation, we gauge how to identify when this line is crossed.The Perfectionism PendulumPerfectionism doesn't just show up; it has roots, be it familial, societal, or personal predispositions. The discussion digs into patterns in family dynamics, such as anxious rearing and contingent love that may unknowingly perpetuate high-stakes environments for teens. Ellen unpacks how these environments can entrench the belief that self-worth is earned, not given.For parents of adolescents, recognizing how perfectionism manifests during these formative years can offer insights into what it means to provide unconditional love—emphasizing love independent of achievement.Supporting Exploration Over PerfectionEllen reminds us that adolescence is a time of exploration. Teens can feel trapped in a cycle of sticking only to what they excel at, driven by external praise and a need for validation. This episode emphasizes the importance of supporting your child in breaking free from this mold, encouraging them to try new things without fear of judgment, and valuing the process over the outcome.Using Values to Overcome CriticismShifting focus from labels to values can be a solid strategy for overcoming self-critical thoughts and preserving self-worth. Instead of defining oneself by arbitrary or external standards, teens and adults alike can cultivate a life driven by values. A focus on personal growth and learning rather than fulfilling rigid expectations can pave the way for a healthier mindset.Fostering Warmth and RelationshipsFinally, the episode underscores the significance of warmth and connection over sheer competence. Ellen advises that fostering sincere relationships requires emphasizing kindness and intention over an endless pursuit of correctness, often the hiding place of perfectionism. This principle resounds through both family interactions and broader social connections, fostering a healthier community atmosphere for teens.In the Episode...My discussion with Ellen Hendriksen was as insightful as it was reassuring. Among the fascinating concepts explored in this episode, we also cover:The difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionismHow gender roles play into adolescent perfectionismStrategies to shift from rigid to flexible thinkingSpecific steps parents can take to support self-acceptance in teensTo delve deeper into these life-changing insights and more, check out How to be Enough and visit Ellen's website at ellenhendriksen.com. Don't forget to share this episode and subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

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As we celebrate another cycle around the sun, we may reflect on our place in that cycle. Days lengthen in the global North. Decay and hibernation feed new life into the approaching Spring. Likewise, we can release the actions, wishes, and aspetcs of ourselves that no longer serve us, In doing so, we can repurpose our energy to support our future Being. In today's meditation, we enter a new year as our new selves! This podcast is made possible with great thanks to our subscribers on Patreon. Join our community at Patreon (dot) com (slash) theMeditationPodcast

Meike Näkel and her sister Dörte run the Meyer-Näkel winery in the Ahr region of Germany.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Chinwe Williams, author of Seen, joins us to discuss how parents can truly connect with and support their teenagers by understanding their emotional needs and fostering a growth mindset.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show NotesParenting teenagers in today's world is a challenge that many find daunting. The teenage years are fraught with turbulence, from the storm of emotional changes to academic pressure and growing responsibilities. As parents, it's easy to feel like we're navigating deep waters without a map. We want to be there for our teens, guiding them through their struggles and helping them build resilience. But, sometimes our well-intentioned advice seems to miss the mark, leaving both sides frustrated.This episode addresses a core issue that many parents face—making their teens feel truly seen. Adolescents deal with a host of issues that make them feel invisible or misunderstood. They struggle with anxiety, battle societal expectations, and often encounter mixed messages in their environments. By ensuring that they are ‘seen', parents can provide critical support. Enter Dr. Chinwe Williams, counselor, educator, and author of the book "Seen". Chinwe dives into the pivotal role of meaningful connections between parents and teenagers. During our discussion, Chinwe emphasizes creating an environment where teens feel heard and appreciated—not just for their accomplishments, but for their unique selves. By validating their feelings and fostering an authentic relationship, parents can help teens recognize their self-worth and develop confidence.In this episode, Chinwe shares her own journey into the realm of adolescent counseling and outlines the essence of her book "Seen". She delves into practical strategies for connecting with teenagers, underscoring the importance of fostering a safe space for them to express themselves. We explore various themes including:The Importance of Being SeenChinwe discusses the foundational understanding that young people need someone who knows them beyond their academic or extracurricular accolades. By providing genuine care and displaying interest in their lives, parents and mentors can powerfully impact a teenager's sense of self-worth. Chinwe shares some touching real-life stories, illustrating these concepts.Speaking Life: Encouraging PositivityThe concept of "Speaking Life" involves positively affirming a teen's abilities and potential. Chinwe advises parents to be specific when they praise their children, focusing on authentic character traits, effort, and resilience, rather than empty compliments. Parental Responses that May HarmSometimes, in our attempts to comfort or advise our kids, we inadvertently dismiss their feelings or respond in ways that may increase their distress. Chinwe highlights the importance of avoiding invalidating statements and explains how approaches like shaming, labeling, and dismissing can be detrimental. Instead, she advocates for acknowledging and validating teens' experiences to nurture trust and communication.Understanding and Reshaping Negative ThoughtsThroughout the discussion, we delve into techniques for helping teenagers manage negative thought patterns. Using the THINK methodology, Chinwe outlines how teens can critically examine and reframe their thoughts, promoting healthier mental states and fostering resilience in the face of challenges.Addressing Dark ThoughtsIn her book, Chinwe provides insights on how to tackle one of the most serious issues: suicidal thoughts. This section offers parents critical guidance on responding with empathy and obtaining the right support for their teens.In the Episode...Our conversation with Chinwe is packed with practical advice and heartfelt reflections on supporting teenagers. On top of these topics, we explore: The neuroscience behind why emotional support is crucial Strategies to reduce anxiety and promote a growth mindset How to engage in meaningful conversations with teens The role of non-biological mentors in a teen's lifeIf you're ready to dive deeper into these concepts and enrich your communication with your teenager, don't miss this episode. Reach out to Chinwe Williams on her website or Instagram for more valuable insights. Thanks for tuning in! Don't forget to subscribe, and we'll see you next week.Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

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If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Claudia Black, author of Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens, joins us to discuss emotional literacy, the power of community in recovery, and how parents can break enabling patterns to support their teens' journey to sobriety.Adolescence is a turbulent time, with teens often encountering overwhelming emotions and difficult life choices. For some, substances like alcohol and drugs become a crutch, a misguided attempt to handle the tumultuous world around them. The complexities of addiction at such a young age can be particularly daunting, both for the teens embroiled in substance use and for the parents striving to help them find their way out.The challenges of navigating a teen's journey from substance use to recovery are multifaceted. At its core, successful recovery involves unraveling the emotions that drive the behavior. Why do teens choose substances? Often it's a matter of emotional choice; they're seeking belonging, escape from pain, or the comfort of numbness. When parents step back, they might find they are inadvertently enabling these escape routes, rather than challenging their teen to face and manage the real issues.Enter Claudia Black, a seasoned expert in adolescent and family recovery. With a career spanning 45 years in residential treatment and pioneering research on children from addictive family systems, Claudia is the author of Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens. Her book serves as a workbook, filled with exercises that encourage self-discovery and emotional engagement, paving the way for a clean and fulfilling life.Discovering Emotional LiteracyUnderpinning Claudia's approach is the concept of emotional literacy – understanding and processing emotions without resorting to substances. Adolescents often harbor significant shame and secrecy surrounding their behavior, fearing disappointment from their parents. Claudia emphasizes addressing these emotions constructively to cultivate self-worth and align with personal values, a theme we explore in-depth on today's show.To guide teens through this emotionally-charged landscape, Claudia's exercises encourage them to identify and acknowledge their feelings, breaking down the barriers of shame and secrecy. She introduces techniques for teens to manage their emotions without resorting to substance use—empowering them to transform behavioral patterns fundamentally.Building a Supportive CommunityEssential to recovering from substance use is community. Claudia shares insights on how communal experiences in recovery settings, where young people can meet peers facing similar challenges, help instill a belief that life can indeed be different—and better. These powerful connections often motivate teens to embrace change and build healthier lifestyles.Parental Involvement and EducationParents play a crucial role in their child's recovery journey. Claudia discusses how parents must adopt new strategies, aligning their support with the therapist's guidance and confronting enabling behaviors. Understanding addiction's impact on the brain, recognizing patterns, and utilizing leverage without resorting to fear-based tactics are keys to breaking destructive cycles and fostering genuine change.Unmasking the True SelfIn her book, Claudia also details how to unmask those secretive layers that often accompany addiction. By discerning the underlying emotions and addressing the shame associated with secrets, teens can learn to navigate life more transparently and authentically, resulting in long-term recovery.In the Episode...Throughout our discussion, Claudia provides a wealth of knowledge for parents and teens alike. She highlights:Methods for teens to connect with their emotions safelyStrategies for parents to support recovery without enablingThe importance of aligning parental roles and understanding individual dynamicsInsights into breaking generational cycles of addictionIf you're confronting the challenges of teen substance use, this conversation offers vital guidance. To learn more about Claudia's work, check out Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens on Amazon, or visit her website at claudiablack.com. Thanks for tuning in—don't forget to subscribe and share! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

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The guys celebrate an unexpected and wonderful basketball win over the #1 ranked kansas Jayhawks! The fellas talk about the emotion around the game and what it means to them. They also look ahead to Mizzou Football's Music City Bowl matchup against Iowa, and discuss the pending College Football Playoffs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Paul C. Holinger, author of Affects, Cognition, and Language as Foundations of Human Development, delves into the role of interest in building self-esteem, the dangers of physical punishment, and strategies for fostering curiosity in teenagers.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes:Raising a teenager often feels like navigating a maze of emotions and varying interests, where ensuring their well-being and fostering self-esteem can be challenging. Teens are at a pivotal stage in their lives where they form their own identities, learn to manage emotions, and develop a sense of curiosity that fuels their passions and purpose for the future. However, societal pressures and the stresses of everyday life can often suppress their natural interest and exploration. As parents, teachers, or guardians, it's crucial to nurture these aspects, enabling teens to thrive.Our guest this week, Paul C. Holinger, is a professor of psychiatry and a renowned author known for his work on emotion understanding and development in children. His book, Affects, Cognition, and Language as Foundations of Human Development, provides a foundation for understanding how integral elements like emotion, language, and thought processes contribute to human development. In our conversation, Paul delves deep into the significance of 'affect'—essentially our emotional responses—and how understanding and verbalizing these emotions can aid in building a more robust personal identity in teens.In the episode, Paul outlines the importance of distinguishing positive and negative affects in teenagers and explains why negative feelings, although more abundant, often demand urgent attention. He shares insights on how parents can shift negative affects into learning opportunities through open communication, transforming anger or distress into a lens of curiosity. Instead of suppressing emotions with physical punishment, Paul advocates for understanding the root cause of emotions, promoting a healthy dialogue that can drastically improve parent-child relationships.One of the significant areas of our discussion focuses on the impact of using physical punishment as a means of discipline. Paul highlights a disturbing correlation between physical punishment and negative outcomes like antisocial behavior, decreased self-control, and detrimental impacts on mental health. This revelation challenges the preconceived notion that stricter discipline equates to better-behaved children. Instead, Paul encourages parents to adopt an approach steeped in understanding, empathy, and most importantly, curiosity.The conversation further explores how teens can be encouraged to maintain motivation and interest, especially when faced with arduous tasks like studying or project completion. Paul shares that cultivating a sense of genuine interest or aligning tasks with rewarding outcomes can help teens navigate through negativity, finding joy in both the process and the result.In this Episode, We'll Also Cover:How to recognize and validate a teen's emotional experiences.The nuances of interest as a tool to combat distress and boredom.Constructive alternatives to physical punishment.Encouraging teens to verbalize emotions effectively.Join us in unraveling these aspects with Paul C. Holinger, and learn how you can better support the emotional and intellectual journeys of the teens in your life. If you're looking to foster deeper connections and cultivate a nurturing environment for growth, this episode offers invaluable perspectives. Don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert insights and advice around parenting the teenagers in your life!Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

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Christmas has come early for the listeners! The guys break down the big wins over Mississippi State and Arkansas in an unprecedented Super Duper Mega Double Episode featuring a surprise guest! M-I-Z!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

During the winter holiday season, I like to reflect on reasons I am thankful. Many people use a gratitude practice or gratitude journal to help focus on the good in our lives. The feelings associated with gratitude bathe us in an infusion of well being, recharging our parasympathetic nervous systems, and our overall happiness. In today's meditation we practice gratitude, infused. This podcast is made possible with great thanks to our subscribers on Patreon. Join our community at Patreon (dot) com (slash) theMeditationPodcast

Michael is alone.

Sonny and Tom disapprove of Mike's decision to join the Marines.

The Tigers fall short in their exciting comeback attempt in the Fake Columbia. The guys discuss what went well, and where Mizzou fell short. They also take your calls and listen to Carolina Jackpot finally have his day in the sun. All that and more! M-I-Z!!!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Michael reveals that he joined the Marines.

The guys celebrate an exciting win over old Big XII foe Oklahoma. Drew Pyne surprises the world and Theo Wease gets his sweet revenge. The guys break it down and then read some Sour Grapes and cash in some old receipts! MIZ!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Many of you know that I have nearly completed a year-long Yoga Teacher Training, and I am developing a technique that I call Core Breathing. Based on decades of experience, Core Breathing is a key aspect of my Yoga teaching style. It is a simple set of muscle actions that prioritize our powerful deep core muscles, support effortless movement, and free up space for our lungs. Today we will demonstrate and explore the simple technique of Core Breathing in meditation. This podcast is made possible with great thanks to our subscribers on Patreon. Join our community at Patreon (dot) com (slash) theMeditationPodcast

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In grief, we mourn the loss of a physical presence. At times the intensity of our sadness can mask a more subtle presence. In today's meditation, we cultivate our connection to the unseen world and the Life Force that lives there. Through this connection, we can access a more complete understanding of our grief, and the subtle presence that lives beyond our physical senses. This podcast is made possible with great thanks to our subscribers on Patreon. Join our community at Patreon (dot) com (slash) theMeditationPodcast