Podcast appearances and mentions of Lyz Lenz

This Deep Dive series is all about why motherhood is so gosh darn hard. Turns out there are sociopolitical forces at play that make motherhood way harder than it needs to be. Listen to the full playlist on Spotify. What should we do when all the work we do to run our family's lives is done so successfully that they not only don't acknowledge it—they don't even understand it? How do we help our partners understand that saying "I left the doctor a message, but they didn't call back" does not really count as a completed task? It's all about what's called the "invisible workload." In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Whether "cognitive labor" (Allison Daminger) or "emotional labor" (Rose Hackman) might be even better terms for what we're talking about Pushing back on "weaponized incompetence" The difference between taking on tasks and taking on outcomes The importance of giving voice to invisible labor in front of kids Here are links to some interviews/books we mentioned in the episode: Our interview with Eve Rodsky Mac Daniel for Harvard Radcliffe Institute: "The Unseen Inequity of Cognitive Labor" FAIR PLAY by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 EMOTIONAL LABOR by Rose Hackman: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250777355 THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE by Lyz Lenz: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid's behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, cognitive labor Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode originally aired on October 29, 2024. Women are asking for divorce way more than men. Why is that, and shouldn’t that choice be met with celebration rather than pity? Ricki talks about her own divorces with Lyz Lenz, author of the recent memoir, “This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended my Marriage and Started my Life.” They get into finances (who keeps the house?), the perks of becoming single again (wine and murder podcasts!), and how to know when you’re ready to remarry. Follow Lyz @lyzlenz on Instagram. Check out Lyz’s newsletter: https://lyz.substack.com/ Listen to Lyz’s podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/this-american-ex-wife-the-podcast/id1720174738 Follow Ricki Lake @rickilake on Instagram. And stay up to date with us @LemonadaMedia on X, Facebook, and Instagram. For a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this and every other Lemonada show, go to lemonadamedia.com/sponsors. Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Kimberlyn and Leilani consider the ramifications of de-centering men and the multidimensionality of centering oneself. Their check-ins:  Kimberlyn discusses her poor sleep hygiene; Leilani shares gratitude for her witchy-ness.  Mentioned in the episode:  Charlie Taylor, Decentering Men; Lyz Lenz, This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life; Mieke Beth Thomeer, Corinne Reczek, “Happiness and Sexual Minority Status;”  Rebecca Campbell's poem, “Half One Thing, Half the Next”Get exclusive content and support us on Patreon:http://www.patreon.com/WitchyWit  Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/WitchyWitPodcast  Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/Witchy_Wit  Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/3azUkFVlECTlTZQVX5jl1X?si=8WufnXueQrugGDIYWbgc3A  Apple Podcast:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/witchy-wit/id1533482466  Pandora:https://pandora.app.link/nNsuNrSKneb  Google Podcast:Witchy Wit (google.com) 

Hosted by Emmy-winning talk show host Ricki Lake, The High Life brings us into Ricki's blissed-out world of joy and pleasure, featuring conversations with compelling guests who have cracked the code to living a full and vibrant life. Join Ricki in her best phase of life — midlife — as she gets into sex, menopause, weight, energy healing, and all things wellness. The High Life will elevate your spirits so you can discover how to live a life filled with calm, ease and a lot of f*cking fun. This week, we're delving into why women are asking for divorce way more than men. Why is that, and shouldn't that choice be met with celebration rather than pity? Ricki talks about her own divorces with Lyz Lenz, author of the recent memoir, “This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended my Marriage and Started my Life.” They get into finances (who keeps the house?), the perks of becoming single again (wine and murder podcasts!), and how to know if/when you're ready to remarry. If you want to hear more episodes, search for The High Life with Ricki Lake wherever you get your podcasts.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Russian mafia expert Olga Lautman joins Gaslit Nation to break down the Kremlin's plan for America: stirring up civil war. Russia is hoping to kick our already chaotic political circus into overdrive, but here's the twist that the Kremlin—along with many white male pundits—completely missed: women across the political spectrum are furious.  Whether it's the GOP's authoritarian fantasies, including femicide, or the media's endless obsession ignoring women's humanity, women in every state across America are punching Nazis in the ballot box, driving out a historic early vote. Later in the week, look out for the Gaslit Nation Election 2024 Super Special, featuring Terrell Starr of the Black Diplomats Podcast and Substack. It will include this week's bonus show, available to Patreon subscribers at the Truth-teller ($5/month) tier and higher. On Monday at 4pm ET, we're having another political salon over Zoom to brace for the impact of MAGA trying to steal our election with Russia's help, either through Mike Johnson, the failed legal architect of Trump's Big Lie, or the MAGA majority on the Supreme Court, should the electoral college come down to one state. Or else, we're celebrating with a Gaslit Nation virtual block party! Either way, to our Patreon community that keeps the show going, see you on Monday, for whatever comes next.  Want to enjoy Gaslit Nation ad-free? Join our community of listeners for bonus shows, ad-free episodes, exclusive Q&A sessions, our Victory group chat, invites to live events, and more! Sign up at Patreon.com/Gaslit!   Show Notes:   Clip: Anne Selzer on her Iowa polling: https://x.com/PettyLupone/status/1853169502147449005   Clip: Larry Krasner, Philadelphia DA on election terrorism: https://x.com/abughazalehkat/status/1853631034790662312   Clip: John Jackson, American veteran in Ukraine: “My brief message to Americans voting today. From Ukraine, the epicenter of that struggle between good and evil, between democracy and dictatorship. Please lend me 90 seconds of your time:”  https://x.com/hissgoescobra/status/1853802605509501029   Narrowing nationwide polls reveal a coin-toss for the House majority https://www.economist.com/interactive/us-2024-election/prediction-model/house   Recent safeguards should quash efforts to overturn election results, experts say It would take congressional majorities and most swing-state legislatures to upend the election. https://washingtonstatestandard.com/2024/11/04/recent-safeguards-should-quash-efforts-to-overturn-election-results-experts-say/   Man Arrested and Charged with Attempting to Use a Weapon of Mass Destruction and to Destroy an Energy Facility in Nashville https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/man-arrested-and-charged-attempting-use-weapon-mass-destruction-and-destroy-energy-facility   Man arrested after federal officials say he sought to destroy Nashville power site https://www.yahoo.com/news/man-arrested-federal-officials-sought-004723571.html   Robert Reich on Mastodon: “If Harris wins, will Congress certify the results? There are now 172 election deniers in Congress. But the new Congress gets sworn in before the presidential election is certified. Your down ballot votes could decide whether your presidential vote is respected or discarded.” https://mastodon.social/@rbreich@masto.ai/113429039266528054   The Kingdom of Lyz Lenz's God Land Is Within You https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/08/in-god-land-lyz-lenz-makes-the-case-for-nuance.html   Andrea Chalupa on Twitter: “The Reagan Revolution ignited a culture of “greed is good," alongside the rise of Christian nationalism. Democrats, for their part, embraced this shift, allowing unions to weaken and newsrooms to erode, all in the name of boosting corporate profits. As a result, Trump and Manafort's brand of corruption thrived in plain sight. Throughout American history, progress for Black people has been met with violent white rage, and Trump's birtherism was the inevitable response to the first Black president. Meanwhile, Russia's support for Trump wasn't just about sowing chaos in U.S. politics; it was part of a broader geopolitical strategy to lift sanctions and advance their long-standing imperial ambitions, which have been unfolding since Russia invaded Georgia. Russia's invasion of Ukraine is merely the latest chapter of rising Russian imperialism. All of this is compounded by the deep, structural misogyny and racism in America, a nation built on genocide that persists to this day with the prison industrial complex and the epidemic of violence against Native American women. These forces are not isolated—they are interconnected, fueling each other in a dangerous cycle. The gasoline on that fire is unchecked social media as well as Silicon Valley greed. What's left of newsrooms are populated by white men who aren't sensitive to most of these issues since they're blinded by their own privilege.” https://x.com/AndreaChalupa/status/1853788934393766019   Jimmy Kimmel Surprised That Bombshell Jeffrey Epstein Tapes About Trump Friendship Aren't Getting More Attention https://variety.com/2024/tv/news/jimmy-kimmel-jeffrey-epstein-tapes-trump-friendship-1236200783/   Clip: Wil I Am “Yes She Can” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lR1rxxIYa-w

Lisa and I met in a kitchen in South Pasadena. A few months ago, I signed up for Happy Women Dinners, events that feature women-focused topics. First, I met Lyz Lenz as she discussed her book about divorce. This month it was a talk from Bonnie Wan about getting clear on what we want in our lives. Great talks and as a bonus, I get to meet interesting women like Lisa Cheek. Her debut book, Sit, Cinderella, Sit will release in January 2025. Let’s chat. I have *so* many questions. You can find Lisa: Substack: lisacheek.substack.com Website lisacheek.com Instagram: @lisacheekauthor Facebook @lisacheekauthor LinkedIn @Lisa Cheek Show Notes: movies, books, writers, and topics we discuss: 20 Dates Faygo Soda (pop) The Liars Club by Mary Karr David Sedaris A Living Remedy by Nicole Chung Little Sister (Cinderella Moon) editing by Lisa Cheek Melissa Febos My Body by Emily Ratajkowski Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottleib What Comes Next and How to Like It by Abigail Thomas Jenny Lawson

Women are asking for divorce way more than men. Why is that, and shouldn't that choice be met with celebration rather than pity? Ricki talks about her own divorces with Lyz Lenz, author of the recent memoir, “This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended my Marriage and Started my Life.” They get into finances (who keeps the house?), the perks of becoming single again (wine and murder podcasts!), and how to know if/when you're ready to remarry. Follow Lyz @lyzlenz on Instagram. Check out Lyz's newsletter: https://lyz.substack.com/ Listen to Lyz's podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/this-american-ex-wife-the-podcast/id1720174738 Follow Ricki Lake @rickilake on Instagram. And stay up to date with us @LemonadaMedia on X, Facebook, and Instagram. For a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this and every other Lemonada show, go to lemonadamedia.com/sponsors. Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In a true throw-back classic episode from last year: Make sure to double-knot your shoes because we're running through a bunch of activewear brands, morning baths, kale phones, butter money, and COTC (corn on the cob, clearly).   You can read more about Vuori's lore in Courier (and try out their Pose fitted polo, Daydream drew, and All the Feels bra for yourself). Other workout wear of interest: Splits59 (specifically their Raquel flared leggings), Wilson (how ‘bout these Wynne pleated pants and the pleated court short?), Tracksmith ( their Article One running sunglasses collab!), District Vision, Satisfy, On, Tory Sport, and Sweaty Betty. Curious about cool sports stores? We've heard good things about Distance in Paris, we love FrontRunners in L.A., and we have to hand it to Pete Carlson Golf and Tennis in Palm Desert for going *deep*.    The everything shower! Consider this reel from The Everygirl your primer.    If you're looking to limit your oblivion time, check out the OneSec app…or consider the cocaine/kale phone, via George Mack by way of Trung Phan. Also, the to-google notepad, ℅ Courtney Martin.    Butter sculpture season, our Bama Rush? A great read: "The Secret Feminist History of Butter Cows” by Lyz Lenz.   What activewear brands do you like, how do you morning bath if you do such a thing?! Share with us at 833-632-5463, podcast@athingortwohq.com, or @athingortwohq—or join our Geneva!   Show your hair the love with Nutrafol. Take $10 off your first month's subscription with the code ATHINGORTWO. Hire with Indeed and get a $75 sponsored job credit when you use our link. YAY.  

Today Virginia is chatting with Lyz Lenz, author of the newsletter Men Yell at Me and the brand new book This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life.This American Ex-Wife is available in the Burnt Toast Bookshop!Don't forget, you can always take 10 percent off that purchase if you also order (or have already ordered!) Fat Talk from Split Rock Books! (Just use the code FATTALK at checkout.)To get all of the links and resources mentioned in this episode, as well as a complete transcript, visit our show page. If you want more conversations like this one, please rate and review us in your podcast player! And become a paid Burnt Toast subscriber to get all of Virginia's reporting and bonus subscriber-only episodes. And don't forget to check out our new Burnt Toast Podcast Bonus Content! Disclaimer: Virginia is a journalist and human with a lot of informed opinions. Virginia is not a nutritionist, therapist, doctor, or any kind of health care provider. The conversation you're about to hear and all of the advice and opinions she and her guests give are just for entertainment, information, and education purposes only. None of this is a substitute for individual medical or mental health advice.FAT TALK is out! Order your signed copy from Virginia's favorite independent bookstore, Split Rock Books (they ship anywhere in the US!). Or order it from your independent bookstore, or from Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Target, or Kobo or anywhere else you like to buy books. You can also order the audio book from Libro.fm or Audible.CREDITSThe Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by Virginia Sole-Smith. Follow Virginia on Instagram.Burnt Toast transcripts and essays are edited and formatted by Corinne Fay, who runs @SellTradePlus, an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus size clothing.The Burnt Toast logo is by Deanna Lowe.Our theme music is by Jeff Bailey and Chris Maxwell.Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.Thanks for listening and for supporting anti-diet, body liberation journalism.  This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit virginiasolesmith.substack.com/subscribe

Nora's friend is going through a divorce, and recently asked the universe for a sign that this is the right choice. One night at dinner, Nora witnessed her friend receive that sign.  The book Nora mentioned in this episode is This American Ex-Wife by Lyz Lenz.  _ If you have anxiety, depression or any sense of the world around you, you know that not *everything* is going to be okay. In fact, many things aren't okay and never will be! But instead of falling into the pit of despair, we're bringing you a little OK for your day. Every weekday, we'll bring you one okay thing to help you start, end or endure your day with the opposite of a doom scroll. Created and hosted by Nora McInerny. - Find Nora's weekly newsletter here! Also, check out Nora on YouTube. _ “It's Going To Be OK” is brought to you by The Hartford. The Hartford is a leading insurance provider that connects people and technology for better employee benefits.  Learn more at www.thehartford.com/benefits.  _ Share your OK thing at 612.568.4441 or by emailing a note or voice memo to IGTBO@feelingsand.co. Start your message with “I'm (name) and it's going to be okay.”  _ The IGTBO team is Nora McInerny, Claire McInerny, Marcel Malekebu, Amanda Romani and Grace Barry. _ The transcript for this episode can be found here. Find all our shows and our store at www.feelingsand.co. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A straight woman wants to explore her bitchy side. She feels like all her edge got sanded away, and now she wants to try out the dom role. How can she find a man who wants a selfish, in-charge lover?  Meanwhile, a straight man is frustrated that his lady won't let him go down on her.  Our guest this week is Lyz Lenz, author of the NYT best-selling "This American Ex-Wife." Raised conservative Christian, Lenz found herself trapped in a joyless marriage, doing all the work, and getting gaslit like crazy. Now, she makes for a fiery, indignant, righteous interview. The first bit is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. Highly recommended.  And, a straight couple are fornicating their way through America's beautiful national parks. But what officially counts as sex? If he goes down on her under a domestic sequoia, did they just have sex? If she rims him in full view of Mount Rainier, did they "do it?" Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by visiting ForiaWellness.com/Savage

Lyz Lenz, author of "This American Ex-Wife," brings us a look at the statistics, gender politics and liberation of divorce. Plus, we tour opposite corners of the state.

Hey Friends – Elizabeth is back with a Radiant Recommends episode. It's been a hot minute, hasn't it? She read This American Ex-Wife by Lyz Lenz and she's obsessed. Lenz's prose opened up Elizabeth's thinking about the institution of marriage in this society, and she really wanted to talk about it. Along the way, she shares a few other book recommendations (and a movie) in case you're casting about for your next read. Radiant BadassChris Martin, Creativity CoachA Court of Thorns and RosesThe Scandalous Confessions of Lydia Bennet, WitchThe Fall Guy movieThe Happiness CurveThe Menopause BrainThe American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life  Radiant BadassChris Martin, Creativity Coach

America's partisan divides are getting deeper. That means there's a wider gap between what young progressives and young conservatives think.And that's playing out in the dating world, where politics have increasingly become a relationship deal-breaker.Eighty-six percent of Americans think it has become harder to date someone from the opposite political party, according to a 2020 poll from market research firm YouGov. MPR News host Angela Davis is talked about it as part of our “Talking Sense” series — a yearlong reporting project helping us navigate difficult political conversations.Guests:KC Gammage is a Minneapolis-based licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in trauma and family conflict.Lyz Lenz is an Iowa-based writer and the author of four books, including her latest, ‘This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended my Marriage and Started My Life.'

For the past two and half seasons, we have been lucky to have some truly amazing guests here on "Your New Life Blend," who have shared so many amazing insights. As we hit that Q2 crunch time, we wanted to share some of it to help you refocus on your own priorities, goals, and boundaries (we love boundaries). Please enjoy this great advice and insight from Dorie Clark, Bridget Todd, Vanessa Bennett, Candice Cook, Lyz Lenz, Hitha Palepu, Christina Wallace, Stacy London, Bea Arthur, Morra Aarons-Mele, Abby Falik and of course, "Your New Life Blend" host, executive and personal coach Shoshanna Hecht. We hope you enjoy it! We'll be back next week with more great Season 3 guests. Featuring:Dorie Clark, Author & SpeakerSeason 1, Episode 13https://dorieclark.comBridget Todd, Founder & Podcaster  Season 2, Episode 9https://www.unbossedcreative.comVanessa Bennett, Author & EntrepreneurSeason 2, Episode 16https://lessawkward.comCandice Cook, Entrepreneur & AttorneySeason 1, Episode 16https://www.candicecook.comLyz Lenz, Author & JournalistSeason 2, Episode 8https://lyzlenz.comHitha Palepu, Multi-HyphenateSeason 2, Episode 3https://hitha.beehiiv.comChristina Wallace, Author & HBS ProfessorSeason 1, Episode 7https://christinawallace.comStacy London, Style Icon & Midlife AdvocateSeason 2, Episode 6https://www.instagram.com/stacylondonrealBea Arthur, Entrepreneur & TherapistSeason 2, Episode 1https://www.beaarthurtherapy.comMorra Aarons-Mele, Mental Health Speaker & AuthorSeason 1, Episode 4https://morraam.comAbby Falik, Social EntrepreneurSeason 1, Episode 12https://www.abbyfalik.com

New York Times Bestselling author Lyz Lenz is 'reframing' divorce and getting rid of the stigma. Her latest book, This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage - and - Started My Life is a memoir/manifesto. Lyz debunks the myth of the 'happily ever' marriage scenario and gives us the straight talk about divorce. 'The stigma exists because everybody is afraid of a liberated woman'.

This Quoircast episode is brought to you by Deadly Faith Podcast: A true crime podcast that explores the world where religion and crime collide.In this episode we chat with Angela HerringtonAngela is a faith deconstruction coach and host of The Deconstructing Faith Summit who helps people break free from toxic religious culture & empowers them to recover from #churchhurt. She has led online ministries for a decade, enjoys working with clients 1:1, in groups, and is a dynamic conference speaker. She's a Lark's Song Certified Life Coach who reaches thousands of people in 40+ countries each month on Facebook, IG, Twitter, Pinterest, and her blog. Angela and her unique online ministry were featured in Lyz Lenz's 2019 book God Land: Story of Faith, Loss, and Renewal in Middle America. She has published articles in Hope for Women, and HOPE is Now magazines. Articles about her have been published in The New Republic, Publisher's Today, and Religion News Service. Her first book, Deconstruct Your Faith Without Losing Yourself, was published by Eerdmans in February 2024. You can follow Angelia on:Facebook     Instagram     Twitter     YouTube     TikTokYou can fin all things Angela Herrington related on her websiteYou can purchase Deconstructing Your Faith Without Losing Yourself on Amazon.comYou can connect with This Is Not Church on:Facebook     Instagram      Twitter     TikTok     YouTubeAlso check out our Linktree for all things This Is Not Church relatedPlease like and follow our Quoircast Partners:Heretic Happy Hour     Messy Spirituality     Apostates Anonymous    Second Cup with Keith     The Church Needs TherapyIdeas Digest      Snarky Faith Podcast     Wild Olive     Deadly FaithJonathan_Foster     Sacred Thoughts     Holy Heretics     Reframing Our StoriesEach episode of This Is Not Church Podcast is expertly engineered by our producer The Podcast Doctor Eric Howell. If you're thinking of starting a podcast you need to connect with Eric!

Today we have a rich conversation with Lyz Lenz, a true wild woman and writer who just released her fourth book “This American Ex-Wife” that instantly hit the New York ...

Lyz Lenz narrates her memoir about the end of her marriage and the start of her new life as an “ex-wife.” Host Jo Reed and AudioFile's Kendra Winchester discuss this audiobook that alternates between Lenz's own story of divorce and freedom, and her research on women experiencing divorce. While Lenz had been told that the end of her marriage would be the end of her family, she soon discovered that leaving her unhappy marriage gave her more fulfillment and love than she ever had before. Lenz's informal and personable delivery works well. Read the full review of the audiobook on AudioFile's website. Published by Random House Audio. Discover thousands of audiobook reviews and more at AudioFile's website. Support for AudioFile's Behind the Mic comes from HarperCollins Focus, and HarperCollins Christian Publishing, publishers of some of your favorite audiobooks and authors, including Reba McEntire, Zachary Levi, Kathie Lee Gifford, Max Lucado, Willie Nelson, and so many more! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/AUDIOFILE and get on your way to being your best self. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What should we do when all the work we do to run our family's lives is done so successfully that they not only don't acknowledge it—they don't even understand it? How do we help our partners understand that saying "I left the doctor a message, but they didn't call back" does not really count as a completed task? It's all about what's called the "invisible workload." In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: whether "cognitive labor" (Allison Daminger) or "emotional labor" (Rose Hackman) might be even better terms for what we're talking about pushing back on "weaponized incompetence" the difference between taking on tasks and taking on outcomes The importance of giving voice to invisible labor in front of kids Here are links to some interviews/books we mentioned in the episode: Our interview with Eve Rodsky Mac Daniel for Harvard Radcliffe Institute: "The Unseen Inequity of Cognitive Labor" FAIR PLAY by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 EMOTIONAL LABOR by Rose Hackman: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250777355 THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE by Lyz Lenz: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid's behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From Leslie Jamison's Splinters to Lyz Lenz's This American Ex-Wife, a number of high-profile recent books explore womens' experiences with divorce. We'll talk with Jamison and journalist Tracy Clark-Flory about what these “divorce memoirs”, and their popularity, say about the state of marriage in America today. Guests: Leslie Jamison, author, "Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story." Her other books include "The Empathy Exams." Tracy Clark-Flory, journalist; essayist; author of "Want Me: A Sex Writer's Journey into the Heart of Desire." Her newsletter can be found at tracyclarkflory.substack.com.

Divorce may get a bad rap, but in her latest book, author Lyz Lenz writes that it was her liberation, "Do you know I how finally got my husband to do his fair share? Court-ordered fifty-fifty custody, that's how." She joins us to discuss, This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life.  *This segment is guest-hosted by Kousha Navidar.

Divorce may get a bad rap, but in her latest book, author Lyz Lenz writes that it was her liberation, "Do you know I how finally got my husband to do his fair share? Court-ordered fifty-fifty custody, that's how." She joins us to discuss, This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life.  *This segment is guest-hosted by Kousha Navidar.

Today Virginia is chatting with Lyz Lenz, author of the newsletterMen Yell at Me and the brand new book This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life.This American Ex-Wife is available in the Burnt Toast Bookshop!Don't forget, you can always take 10 percent off that purchase if you also order (or have already ordered!) Fat Talk from Split Rock Books! (Just use the code FATTALK at checkout.)To get all of the links and resources mentioned in this episode, as well as a complete transcript, visit our show page. If you want more conversations like this one, please rate and review us in your podcast player! And become a paid Burnt Toast subscriber to get all of Virginia's reporting and bonus subscriber-only episodes. And don't forget to check out our new Burnt Toast Podcast Bonus Content! Disclaimer: Virginia is a journalist and human with a lot of informed opinions. Virginia is not a nutritionist, therapist, doctor, or any kind of health care provider. The conversation you're about to hear and all of the advice and opinions she and her guests give are just for entertainment, information, and education purposes only. None of this is a substitute for individual medical or mental health advice.FAT TALK is out! Order your signed copy from Virginia's favorite independent bookstore, Split Rock Books (they ship anywhere in the US!). Or order it from your independent bookstore, or from Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Target, or Kobo or anywhere else you like to buy books. You can also order the audio book from Libro.fm or Audible.CREDITSThe Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by Virginia Sole-Smith. Follow Virginia on Instagram.Burnt Toast transcripts and essays are edited and formatted by Corinne Fay, who runs @SellTradePlus, an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus size clothing.The Burnt Toast logo is by Deanna Lowe.Our theme music is by Jeff Bailey and Chris Maxwell.Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.Thanks for listening and for supporting anti-diet, body liberation journalism.  This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit virginiasolesmith.substack.com/subscribe

Lyz Lenz – This American ex-wife: How I ended my marriage and started my life...with TRE's Selina MacKenzie

Author and self-described "soccer mom Simone de Beauvoir" Lyz Lenz makes a triumphant return to the pod to discuss her new book THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE with Laura and Adrian. (Please refer to TFP Episode 7 from December 2020 for Lyz's first mid-derecho podcast appearance!) Her third book in five years, THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE brings Lenz's characteristic blend of incisive sociological research and searing personal commentary to a highly relevant post-pandemic issue: divorce. Discussion topics include how Laura and Lyz just missed each other in the early-2000s Twin Cities, why the movie Fargo is the Beetlejuice of the Midwest, and what we really talk about when we talk about women and divorce.

Lyz Lenz grew up religious, in a household that taught their children that marriage is the only option, and divorce is totally off-limits, with the possible exceptions of infidelity and/or abuse. But 11 years into her own marriage, she knew she couldn't stay, even though the reasons for wanting to leave were different than what she had been taught were valid and acceptable. In her new book "This American Ex-Wife, How I Left My Husband And Started My Life," Lyz intertwines her story with a broader one: that of how the institution of marriage is obviously not working as it exists right now, and why we need to change the narrative on marriage and divorce. In this episode, Danielle and Lyz discuss myth vs. fact when it comes to marriage, divorce, single motherhood, and what "happiness" actually looks like. Plus, what does Lyz want women to know about marriage and divorce that no one else will tell you? And no, she isn't anti relationship, or even marriage. But she is in favor of coming together to figure out what society needs to do to make it be more fulfilling and beneficial for everyone who decides to enter into this union.Purchase Lyz's book wherever books are sold. Follow her on instagram @lyzlenz and subscribe to her Substack.BY POPULAR DEMAND: Check out Danielle's upcoming Beyond Permission sessions. Weren't able to attend the whole weekend of Beyond Permission? We're offering Mini-sessions with all the same topics that are of interest to you! Check out the details and schedule HERE! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we deep dive divorce with journalist Lyz Lenz. We talk about: why it's so hard to tell the truth about difficult marriages how the labor of women sustains western marriage political decisions that could make marriage easier for everyone Follow us on Instagram and Twitter to keep talking. Full show notes here Partner with us for $3/month (USD) to hear Jess & Devi talk about recent revelations about beloved author Elisabeth Elliot's abusive third marriage.  Lyz Lenz is an author and journalist living in Iowa. This American Ex-Wife is her third book. She also writes the newsletter Men Yell at Me about personhood and politics in America.  

Maybe you've seen it happen, or maybe you've just heard it whispered: divorce is contagious. One person in a friend group gets divorced, and suddenly it seems like EVERYONE is. That's an exaggeration, of course, but we wanted to have divorce aficionado Lyz Lenz on the pod to answer all your questions about the way we pathologize divorce. If you like the show, would you share it with a friend who would too? Post it on Instagram. Follow or subscribe to the pod on your podcast app, and/or write us a quick review on iTunes. Also: we've made enough through subscriptions to pay Melody through April but without more… we can't keep making the show! So if you like the pod, if you want it to continue, consider subscribing today. (And if you're already a Culture Study newsletter subscriber, you get a screaming deal).Got a question or idea for a future episode? Let us know here. This week, we're looking for your questions for future episodes about: The romance novel boom; your thoughts and feelings on student loans; online shopping culture (including but not limited to the significance of reviews).You can submit them (and ideas for future eps) here. To hear more, visit culturestudypod.substack.com

Purchase a copy of Deconstructing Your Faith Without Losing Yourself here*: https://amzn.to/49afVTUAngela is a faith deconstruction coach and host of The Deconstructing Faith Summit who helps people break free from toxic religious culture & empowers them to recover from #churchhurt. She has led online ministries for a decade, enjoys working with clients 1:1, in groups, and is a dynamic conference speaker. She's a Lark's Song Certified Life Coach who reaches thousands of people in 40+ countries each month on Facebook, IG, Twitter, Pinterest, and her blog.She's a firstborn, Enneagram 8, Gen Xer who loves to question everything. She holds a BA from Indiana Wesleyan and a Master in Leadership from Wesley Seminary. Her graduate research project focused on leadership development and opportunities for Gen X women in the US church.Angela and her unique online ministry were featured in Lyz Lenz's 2019 book God Land: Story of Faith, Loss, and Renewal in Middle America. She has published articles in Hope for Women, and HOPE is Now magazines. Articles about her have been published in The New Republic, Publisher's Today, and Religion News Service.Her first book, Deconstruct Your Faith Without Losing Yourself, Will be published by Eerdmans in February 2024.Angela is also a wife, mom to 5, and a proud resident of Marion, Indiana, with her family when they're not traveling the US in their RV.✖️✖️✖️If you or someone you know has experienced abuse, visit courage365.org/need-help.✖️✖️✖️CONNECT WITH THE SHOW:- preacherboyspodcast.com- https://www.facebook.com/preacherboysdoc/- https://twitter.com/preacherboysdoc- https://www.instagram.com/preacherboysdoc/To connect with a community that shares the Preacher Boys Podcast's mission to expose abuse in the IFB, join the OFFICIAL Preacher Boys Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1403898676438188/*as an amazon associate, I receive a small commission on purchases made.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/preacher-boys-podcast/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Welcome to Sunday Nice Things! Today we have an episode of This American Ex-Wife from the wonderful Lyz Lenz!    I first became obsessed with Lyz when I read her book God Land and then she came on an early episode of Under the Influence to talk about attending a mom influencing conference and I fell hard for her. She's the creator of the newsletter Men Yell at Me which I read religiously every time it hits my inbox.This American Ex-wife is a podcast that explores the state of American heterosexual marriage. Lyz sits down with a cast of women to talk about their divorces, their journeys and unpacks an institution many take part in but few talk about: divorce.Today's episode is with the poet and bestselling author Maggie Smith who delves into how her divorce forced her to spend more time with herself and how that ended up being a very good thing.Listen to This American Ex-Wife hereOrder This American Ex-Wife the book here.Sign up for Men Yell at Me, here.   

Burnt Toast is on winter break this week, so we're rerunning a favorite conversation from last year, with author Lyz Lenz about divorce and diet culture. This conversation was inspired in part by a piece Virginia wrote in fall of 2022 about how diet culture shows up in co-parenting. Lyz writes the excellent newsletter Men Yell at Me. She's also the author of God Land: A Story of Faith, Loss, and Renewal in Middle America, and Belabored: A Vindication of the Rights of Pregnant Women. And she just launched a brand new podcast, This American Ex-Wife, which is also the title of her next book, coming out in February and available to preorder now!Don't forget, you can always take 10 percent off that purchase at Split Rock Books if you also order (or have already ordered!) Fat Talk! (Just use the code FATTALK at checkout.)If you want more conversations like this one, please rate and review us in your podcast player! And become a paid Burnt Toast subscriber to get all of Virginia's reporting and bonus subscriber-only episodes. And don't forget to check out our new Burnt Toast Podcast Bonus Content! Disclaimer: Virginia is a journalist and human with a lot of informed opinions. Virginia is not a nutritionist, therapist, doctor, or any kind of health care provider. The conversation you're about to hear and all of the advice and opinions she and her guests give are just for entertainment, information, and education purposes only. None of this is a substitute for individual medical or mental health advice.BUTTER & OTHER LINKSOn living alone in the woods with our petsThe subversive joy of the single motherRansom NoteFAT TALK is out! Order your signed copy from Virginia's favorite independent bookstore, Split Rock Books (they ship anywhere in the US!). Or order it from your independent bookstore, or from Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Target, or Kobo or anywhere else you like to buy books. You can also order the audio book from Libro.fm or Audible.CREDITSThe Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by Virginia Sole-Smith. Follow Virginia on Instagram.Burnt Toast transcripts and essays are edited and formatted by Corinne Fay, who runs @SellTradePlus, an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus size clothing.The Burnt Toast logo is by Deanna Lowe.Our theme music is by Jeff Bailey and Chris Maxwell.Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.Thanks for listening and for supporting anti-diet, body liberation journalism.  This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit virginiasolesmith.substack.com/subscribe

Poet and best-selling author Maggie Smith shares how her divorce made her spend more time with someone she didn't expect: herself. She explains how she learned to leave room for that self even as she shares part of it in her work. If you like what you hear, preorder This American Ex-Wife. It's the best way to support this work.I am currently running a giveaway! If you preorder the book, I'll mail you a “Burn it down” sticker and a signed bookplate!Show notes:* Buy Maggie's book You Could Make This Place Beautiful.* You can also read Maggie's newsletter * The quote I think about the most from Maggie's book is this one: “The best things to happen to me individually were the worst things to happen to my marriage. And then, this: But the best things remain.”* This American Ex-Wife is hosted by Lyz Lenz and produced by Zachary Oren Smith . Illustration by Alessandro Gottardo. Show art by Suzanne Glémot. Get full access to Men Yell at Me at lyz.substack.com/subscribe

Make sure to double-knot your shoes because we're running through a bunch of activewear brands, morning baths, kale phones, butter money, and COTC (corn on the cob, clearly).You can read more about Vuori's lore in Courier (and try out their Pose fitted polo, Daydream drew, and All the Feels bra for yourself). Other workout wear of interest: Splits59 (specifically their Raquel flared leggings), Wilson (how ‘bout these Wynne pleated pants and the pleated court short?), Tracksmith ( their Article One running sunglasses collab!), District Vision, Satisfy, On, Tory Sport, and Sweaty Betty. Curious about cool sports stores? We've heard good things about Distance in Paris, we love FrontRunners in L.A., and we have to hand it to Pete Carlson Golf and Tennis in Palm Desert for going *deep*. The everything shower! Consider this reel from The Everygirl your primer. If you're looking to limit your oblivion time, check out the OneSec app…or consider the cocaine/kale phone, via George Mack by way of Trung Phan. Also, the to-google notepad, ℅ Courtney Martin. Butter sculpture season, our Bama Rush? A great read: "The Secret Feminist History of Butter Cows” by Lyz Lenz.What activewear brands do you like, how do you morning bath if you do such a thing?! Share with us at 833-632-5463, podcast@athingortwohq.com, or @athingortwohq—or join our Geneva!This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Paint your nails like a pro with Olive & June and use the code ATHINGORTWO for 20% off your first Mani System.Trust Shopify for all your ecomm needs and get a free 14-day trial with our link.Give your hair an assist with Nutrafol. Take $15 off your first month's subscription with the code ATHINGORTWO.Find wellness on your next stay at Westin.Head back to school with an MBA from The Georgia Tech Scheller College of Business.YAY.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why wait to be happy? Lyz Lenz was waiting, and waiting. She was married, she had two children, she was building a career as a writer that she loved. But she was in a marriage that was not working. Or, she was in a marriage that was not working for her. Once she realized this - and realized that it was not going to change - she ended her marriage. This started her life. We are not taking liberties here with her bio - this is taken directly from the title of Lyz's upcoming book, "This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life," which drops this coming February. Lyz is now a nationally-recognized journalist and expert on politics, feminism, motherhood and ambition, faith and calling out the patriarchy, gleefully and righteously and without fear or favor. This will be her third book examining the structures that seek to control women (her two previous books were on faith and pregnancy/childbirth respectively), which we recommend reading along with her companion-piece newsletter, "Men Yell At Me." Lyz talks about all of this and more in this candid, funny conversation in this episode of "Your New Life Blend" with host Shoshanna Hecht, including where women can actually find freedom, the power of refusal, and all the reasons not to wait to be happy. Books:This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Lifehttps://amzn.to/3DQY7ioBelabored: A Vindication of the Rights of Pregnant Womenhttps://amzn.to/45iED1WGod Land: A Story of Faith, Loss, and Renewal in Middle Americahttps://amzn.to/45lZRw0Newsletter:Men Yell At Mehttps://lyz.substack.com/Also mentioned:I'm a Great Cook. Now That I'm Divorced, I'm Never Making Dinner for a Man Againhttps://www.glamour.com/story/now-that-im-divorced-im-never-making-dinner-for-a-man-againIt Took Divorce to Make My Marriage Equalhttps://www.glamour.com/story/it-took-divorce-to-make-my-marriage-equalThe Tragedy of Heterosexuality, by Jane Wardhttps://amzn.to/3OOtpNjSocial Media:https://twitter.com/lyzlhttps://www.instagram.com/lyzlenz

Sam talks to women in Iowa, where a new abortion ban was just signed into law, making essentially all abortion services unobtainable. Lyz Lenz ia a journalist based in Iowa and author of several books including Belabored: A Vindication of the Rights of Pregnant Women. Find her on Twitter https://twitter.com/lyzl or her website https://lyzlenz.com/.  Allison Simpson founded We Won't Go Back - Dubuque Area and Bridgett Kearney is active with the group (which you can join if you are nearby, details on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2868970886743644/) *No new episode next week but we are hosting a discussion for Patrons with editors of RefuseFascism.org Coco Das, Paul Street and Sam Goldman on Sunday July 23 at 4pm ET. Details  / sign up for $5/month to join at https://www.patreon.com/refusefascism Refuse Fascism is more than a podcast! You can get involved at RefuseFascism.org. We're still on Twitter (⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@RefuseFascism⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠) and other social platforms including Threads and Mastodon. Send  your comments to samanthagoldman@refusefascism.org or ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@SamBGoldman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Record ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠a voice message for the show here. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Connect with the movement at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠RefuseFascism.org⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and support: · ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠paypal.me/refusefascism⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ · ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠donate.refusefascism.org⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ · ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/refusefascism⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Music for this episode: Penny the Snitch by Ikebe Shakedown --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/refuse-fascism/message

Welcome to Season 2 of "Your New Life Blend," a podcast about building our lives with intention in a world that continues to shift around us all. Join executive coach and licensed clinical therapist Shoshanna Hecht for another round of illuminating conversations with exceptional women like Stacy London, Morra Aarons-Mele, Bea Arthur, Hitha Palepu, Lyz Lenz, Amber Briggle, Deepti Sharma and others about how we balance boundaries and priorities, stay true to our values and define our own version of success. With every new day comes new choices - and the chance for us to ask ourselves: What do we want our lives to look like? We hope this podcast will help you find the answer. Welcome to Your New Life Blend.

On this show, we talk a lot about systemic workplace problems, with roots in rapid-growth capitalism, the gender and racial wage gap, etc. Today, we're doing something a little different-- we're talking about the little things coworkers do that are just plain annoying. Writer Lyz Lenz joins host Anne Helen Petersen about how to cope when your colleagues are on your last nerve.Got a workplace quandary you need help solving? Head to www.workappropriate.com and let us know!

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit virginiasolesmith.substack.comBeing able to feed yourself without the observation of someone around you just really changes things. You're listening to Burnt Toast. This is the podcast where we talk about diet culture, fat phobia, parenting and health. I'm Virginia Sole-Smith, I also write the Burnt Toast newsletter. Today we are revisiting a newsletter essay, one that I actually published just last month. It's called “Do I Wear Spanx to Family Court?” I'm going to read the piece, and then my good friend Lyz Lenz is coming on to discuss divorce and diet culture with us. If you don't know Lyz, she writes the excellent substack newsletter . She's also the author of God Land: A Story of Faith, Loss, and Renewal in Middle America, and Belabored: A Vindication of the Rights of Pregnant Women. And she has a third book coming out in 2024 called This American Ex Wife. Lyz is a really amazing political journalist, memoirist, all around phenomenally talented writer and my local divorce expert, so I'm really excited to have her on the episode. We are also working on a very special New Year, Same You episode for January (by we I mean me and Corinne and Tommy!). And we want to know what is your anti-diet, fat positive New Year's resolution! Obviously January is the super toxic time. It is the diet industry's Super Bowl. So we want to know what you resolve to do in 2023 to divest from diet culture, and help dismantle anti-fat bias. So this could be like super simple, like you are not going to redownload Noom. Or it could be some bigger goal for changes you want to make in your family, advocacy you want to do in your community. Whatever it is, we want you to send us a note or even better record a short voice memo on your phone and email that to virginiasolesmith.assistant@gmail.com. This episode is our December paywall episode. That means to hear the whole conversation or read the whole transcript, you will need to go paid. It's just $5 a month or $50 for the year. You will get the first week free, and you will get my full conversation with Lyz including our Butters which are both excellent entertainment ideas for your kids, if you are looking down the long specter of winter break and wondering how you're gonna fill some time. Plus you're just gonna get all of Lyz's brilliance. We talk about the revenge body, we talk about family court, we talk about co parenting, there's so much good stuff here. Okay, here's the essay. It ran on November 1. VirginiaSo Lyz, you have written so brilliantly about divorce. You are the smartest person I know about divorce. I text you whenever I want to know about divorce.LyzWhich isn't that often, for her husband who's listening.VirginiaYou are extremely knowledgeable about this topic and your next book, This American Ex Wife, is about divorce. So you are here as my divorce expert and I'm curious: Do you see diet culture playing a role in American divorces? LyzOh, absolutely. Something initially with divorce that hits on diet culture is the “revenge body.” Anybody who's gotten divorced will tell you about the stress and the weight loss associated with it—or not! Sometimes it's weight gain. But there is the expectation of having that “post-breakup revenge body.” I've seen TikToks that are kind of making jokes like, you want to sit on the couch and relax, but you remember you have to be the hot one in the breakup. VirginiaI never thought about this. LyzYou know, like the “getting back out there” body. I know for a lot of men, divorce involves some free time, which, that time used to be managed by someone and now they don't know what to do. So there is an aspect to the culture of the Divorced Dad in the gym. I follow quite a few TikTok accounts of divorce influencers which are out there…VirginiaWow, divorce influencers.LyzSo the divorced dad going to the gym, the mom trying to get hot and get back out there. It hit me so personally when I got divorced because I was so stressed out, and my response to stress is to not eat. I lost a lot of weight, and it was not healthy. And I remember people being like, “Oh, you look so good,” and me being like, “I'm so stressed out, I'm not sleeping or eating. You should be asking me if I'm okay.” I would get so angry about it, too, because then also people—as you know—people treat you differently. All of a sudden the men would see me differently because it was a very unhealthy amount of weight [to lose].VirginiaIt sounds like a a parallel with postpartum “get your body back” pressure.LyzYes. VirginiaSo for a lot of women you'll have just done that in recent years and now you have to do the “revenge body.” And why are we not allowed to just let our bodies be during times of stress and trauma?LyzRight, right. And I think, too, it's so hard when you layer on that the idea that exists in the divorce world that you now have to find someone else. I hate that. I hate that whole idea. That's what most divorce books are. It's like, okay, well, you did it, now how do you find love again? So that comes with that added pressure of being good looking which then translates to diet culture. Thinness, muscles.VirginiaI'm just remembering a piece of yours where you were like, “actually all women want is to live alone in the woods with our wolves.” No, we don't want to get remarried. That's not the goal but that is immediately the expectation. Why do you want to get right back into the thing you just got out of?LyzWell, I think there's that pressure of singleness, right? There's that stigma of singleness. But you're right, most women post-divorce don't remarry. It's the men who remarry. It's somewhere around 70% of women initiate divorces and I think it's less than 40%—I need to fact check myself on that. But it is a lower number who then get remarried. It's an overwhelming number of men who then try to remarry because, like, “I don't know how to find mustard in the grocery store without a woman.” But no, you're right. I mean, every married woman I know wants to just live alone in the woods with a wolf, so.VirginiaAnd part of that freedom would be not needing to be hot while you do it, just being able to be. LyzYes, not being a hot witch. VirginiaJust want to be a witch.LyzWhy do we have to have weird witch beauty standards? There's this great moment I think about a lot in the book Don Quixote where he's traveling along and he meets all these shepherds. And they're like, “There's this one b***h, she's awful. She broke all of our hearts. She's so beautiful. We hate her. She's evil.” And then they're talking about her and she just walks up to them and goes, “I'm not evil. I don't like any of you. Stop talking to me. I didn't try to seduce you. I just existed and you thought I was in love with you.” And then she's basically like, “I don't want to be in your narrative.” And then she goes back into the woods and she never shows up in the book ever again. VirginiaShe's our queen. LyzI think about her all the time. VirginiaThat's icon behavior for sure. So, what else besides revenge body comes up? Anything about divorce and diet culture.LyzThen there's that whole aspect of divesting yourself of the body ideas that come from the relationship. I think there are so many ways that happens. You might have married a person looking a very specific way but, as we all know, time and life and children take a toll. And then the other person is like, “Well, you don't look how you used to” and you're like, “Well, I never will.”VirginiaThat's life. That's time passing.LyzAnd marriage is so physical. It's a bodily connection, right? So having divorce enables you—especially if you're in a bad marriage. I mean, obviously people can have good marriages. My bias is that I think marriage is inherently unequal and bad. You can have good relationships within a bad system, but it's still a bad system. So I'm gonna get that out there. But so when you do divorce, part of that rebuilding of identity and rebuilding of sense of self comes with, like, who am I now? Like, what is my body now? And now I don't have to manage that other person's toxic body / diet stuff. I don't have to manage the expectations of another person on my body and on my sense of self. I don't have to have somebody judging what I'm eating. And then you can also make your own food. That was something that blew my mind that I didn't expect. Like, I am not cooking for this other person who wants boneless, skinless chicken breasts every single f*****g night. VirginiaThe saddest of proteins, trulyLyzHe would have lived on boneless, skinless chicken breast and microwaved frozen vegetables. I'm like, “let's roast a chicken from Ina Garten. Let's make vegan stew!” and none of that would fly. So, yeah, being able to feed yourself without the observation of someone around you just really changes things. And since we have 50/50 custody—and it's always different with children around—but I get to sit and be like, “what is it that I actually want to eat? And when do I want to eat? And how do I want to eat?” It just makes me so much more thoughtful and grateful about what I'm consuming in my body.VirginiaOne woman I interviewed described it as a “food rumspringa” because she was free from his expectations. For her it was embracing stuff like Annie's Mac and Cheese—like I don't have to cook, I can just enjoy eating a box of mac and cheese for dinner and watching Gilmore Girls and be so happy. What was your favorite thing you ate when you realized this liberation? LyzFor a while I got really into cooking complicated recipes from the New York Times. That kind of stopped. I did the opposite of everybody in 2020, in the shutdown year. Everybody got into cooking and I was like, “I'm done, peace out. I will now be ordering food exclusively.” So another one was eating out because my ex does not like to go out to eat and and it was very stressful around, like, if you go out to eat and then what you order. You know, should you get a glass of wine or god forbid order dessert? That's, like, so extra and why are you doing that? So just going out to eat by myself and an ordering whatever I wanted and dessert was a game changer. VirginiaI love that.LyzAnd then I'd make complicated recipes just for myself because I'm like, “oh, he didn't like curry so now I will make curry.”VirginiaNow you can have all the curry! Revenge curry seems way better than revenge body, I'm just gonna put that out there. 

Raquel and Jennifer dive deep in this week's episode. This one definitely feels therapeutic as they talk about what's on their minds at the moment. Among so many things, they discuss limiting beliefs, learning (or not learning) life's lessons, death, and addiction. Sometimes you just need to talk it out - that's exactly what Raquel and Jennifer do in this episode. Inspiration for this episode:"The escalating costs of being single in America" by Anne Helen Petersen - https://www.vox.com/the-goods/22788620/single-living-alone-cost"It Took Divorce To Make My Marriage Equal" by Lyz Lenz - https://www.glamour.com/story/it-took-divorce-to-make-my-marriage-equalLet Raquel and Jennifer know what you think about this and other episodes of Madness Cafe on IG @madnesscafepodcast or by email at madnesscafepodcast@gmail.com.And don't forget to rate and review the show wherever you listen!Thanks for listening and responding!

“Republican Poetry”We're back from our very long and random hiatus this week, chatting (sans Derek!) with Iowa journalist Lyz Lenz, author behind the famed substack Men Yell At Me. Please join us as we break down her weekend where she watches Broadcast News for the first time, cries, cuts her bangs, and finds herself having to listen to the poet laureate of Iowa. Plus, Hilary talks about being a sex positive dog mom, figuring out a shoe fits, and going to a traveling pumpkin patch in Brighton Beach. For more of Lyz's work, please follow her on Twitter and find her books Belabored and God Land at a bookstore near you! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cartoonsbyhilary.substack.com/subscribe

With the prospect of Roe v. Wade being overturned, we unpack the movement against abortion rights in the United States. A leaked draft Supreme Court decision indicates the landmark decision is set to be struck down – what would that mean for American society? Iowa-based writer Lyz Lenz joins Ros Taylor to discuss how the country reached this moment of reckoning, and what could happen next. “Since 1973 we have seen a slow erosion of the ability to access abortion services.” “There has been a Conservative plan to appoint judges that would overturn Roe v. Wade.” “The justices are pushing a minority viewpoint in overturning Roe v. Wade.” “Other rights could be up for debate, such as the right to gay marriage.” “A lot of Americans were very comfortable and thought this day would never come.” “Being able to access the pill saved my life and my career.” https://www.patreon.com/bunkercast Written and presented by Ros Taylor. Group Editor: Andrew Harrison. Lead Producer: Jacob Jarvis. Producers: Jacob Archbold. Audio production by Jade Bailey. THE BUNKER is a Podmasters Production Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Listen back to Charity Nebbe's conversation with Iowa writer Lyz Lenz.

Parker Molloy: So you've been writing this awesome newsletter over on Substack, called The Sword and the Sandwich. Can you tell me a little bit about that?Tal Lavin: Yeah, so I launched, actually, this month, October 4th, and it's a really odd... It is an odd mix. Like, I recognize it's an odd mix. The sword is first of all, because I own a bunch of swords, and love them, but also, it sort of symbolizes like I'm writing about the American right and far-right, and then the sandwiches are very literal. Like, for a really long time, I have been obsessed with Wikipedia's list of notable sandwiches, which has hundreds of sandwiches on it, from all over the world, and I have wanted to address this in some systematic way. I love projects that have structure that I can f**k around within, like a sonnet.So the premise is I'm going through every sandwich on that list. It's very arbitrary, you know? Obviously a Wikipedia thing, so it's... But I'm treating it almost like a sacred text, and then going through it and writing essays, or interviews, or recipes, or stories about each sandwich. We've covered the American hero, the bacon sandwich, and bacon, egg, and cheese, and now this week, we're on to bagels, which is exciting for me, so yeah, this week's content is harrowing tales of child abuse and bagels.That's just such an interesting combo. And just to be... Like, those are separate posts. They're not-Oh, yeah, it's not-They're not one in the same.Yeah, so it's like Monday is the s**t that will horrify you, and then Friday, we're riding into the weekend--is the stuff about the American right.No, Friday is the-Horrifying bagels.No, I really aim not to traumatize anyone with my sandwich posts. These are nonviolent sandwiches. It's like I need the break, psychically. Maybe readers do too. Sometimes, it's really hard to shift moods, when... Like, the current series is about corporal punishment in evangelical households, and the sort of ways it impacts people as adults. So it's really hard for me sometimes, to switch modes. I almost resent it. I'm like, "Ugh, now I have to write about bagels," but then I spend an hour researching and writing about bagels, and I feel better, and then dive back into hell.Yeah. Well, as you mentioned, you published the first of a three-part series on corporal punishment, evangelicals, and the "doctrine of obedience," as you write in the piece. I found it fascinating because I honestly didn't... I've never really thought about the history involved in all of that. I'm used to people on Twitter being like, "I don't think it's wrong to hit kids. I got hit, and I'm fine," and then you look at them, and you're like... They're not fine.No. Yeah.No, it's like, "Oh, you think you're fine. But are any of us, really?"I'm not.I'm definitely not.I'm so not fine, and I wasn't raised evangelical. I'm a Jew, and I'm a childless Jew even, so it's not... I can keep some distance from the material. Well, obviously so many people shared their pain with me for this series, lots of different facets of their pain, their stories, how they're coming to terms with it, how they're healing, and to me, not to be melodramatic, but it felt like, "Oh, this is why I became a journalist," and like, I have to hold this pain gently, and treat it well, and treat it as the sacred trust it is. I mean, I don't believe in any god, but whatever. Sometimes I think of things as holy or sacred, as just a stronger word for like really important. Feels necessary.I've been astounded at the response. I mean, I tried to... I have a tic about historical research. Like, almost every piece I've ever written has some element of history in it. I also dove a ton into primary sources for this piece, which in this case was Christian parenting guides, of which I read big swaths or the entirety of like three or four books, and then tons of people's testimony about how these doctrines affected them.And then, I looked at what's the historical context? Like, why did all these books start getting written in the '70s and updated in the '90s? I mean, corporal punishment obviously has been around forever, but like, corporal punishment as sort of a political necessity and as a theological doctrine really arose as like... and the evidence is pretty clear, in the books themselves, and also in like the historical record, that they arose as basically a backlash, both to the work of Dr. Spock, who wrote Baby and Child Care, and he was super popular, and everyone loved him, and he was also an antiwar activist in his later years, and got arrested protesting Vietnam. And he said don't hit your kids, right?It's hard to overstate how much these authors hate Dr. Spock. Like, they hate him. They think he sucks, and he's the reason everything's wrong, but anyway, you have this Dr. Spock influence telling you not to hit your kids, and then essentially what these books posit, or what they feel they're reacting to is like, a lot of the movements in the '60s were student-led. The antiwar movement, the gay rights movement was a youth-led thing in many cases, or perceived as a youth-led movement, the feminist movement was really led by young women, and the sort of curative, the corrective force is writing these books.James Dobson, of Focus on the Family fame, his first book was called Dare to Discipline, like he's like, "We're fighting against this godless heathens that tell us not to hit our kids." So basically, they're saying chaos and social disorder starts in the home, and you have to hit your kids to get them in line.I cannot wait to read the second and third piece of this, because the first one is great. It really starts to get into Dobson, and The Pearls, and all of that stuff, and the responses have been heartbreaking, that I've seen from people, where they are talking about how it affected them on a personal level, and on one hand, it's amazing that the story has resonated with that many people, and that that's clearly captured what they're feeling and what they're going through, and I mean, that's just you being a great writer, and interviewer, and researcher. I mean, beyond that, it's just so profoundly sad that there are so many people in this world who have been hurt in that sort of way. They haven't felt able to express these ideas themselves, for fear of backlash or for fear of coming off as weak. That was another thing that I saw in some of the replies here, but-Or because they were taught that it was holy, that it was ordained by God, and a lot of the people, the people who spoke to me, have left evangelicalism. There's a process, it's like a very common term, and sort of ex-evangelicals. Basically, it's just calling it deconstruction, sort of tearing down the doctrines you were raised up with and figuring out a new way forward, and I really applaud people who are doing that work. It's very difficult. It's very painful.My Substack's really new. Like, I have 3,000 subscribers. It's small. The post, as of now, it's been out for less than two days, and it's gotten 50,000 views almost. I think to me, that's just an indicator of how it resonates, how people... I mean, first of all, I think there are a lot of outsiders who are sort of horrified, and then there are a lot of people who are like, "This was my childhood. I've never heard it discussed this way. I've never connected these dots." And the heartbreaking thing is like people are so grateful, grateful, that someone cares, anyone, about what happened to them. Generations of kids, generations. Like, the people who talked to me ranged from 22 to 65. It's very much a live issue, and it's still happening, although spanking is, thankfully...I hate the term spanking, actually, because spanking, I think has a lovely place in kink, but when you're talking about it in child-rearing, you are talking about hitting kids, so I've actually sort of very consciously, in my public speech about this stuff, stopped using that term, because it feels like a euphemism to me. You're talking about hitting children with the intent of causing pain.That's exactly it. I made the mistake of not writing down any questions, because I was like, "I know you. We're going to just-"We're just going to vibe about-Yeah, and it's like, "Oh, man. This is so dark and hard," you know? But that's what I love about your writing. You wrote this amazing book, Culture Warlords.And yeah, it was about basically me f*****g immersing myself in online Nazi life for like 18 months, and it was hard. It was a hard thing to do, as a Jew, as a person, who doesn't like seeing clips of murders on my phone all the time, presented as just and right. But I guess yeah, my beat is like looking into darkness and coming back out with a report.It feels weird to be like, "You're so good at this," you know? This thing that involves hate, and darkness, and pain, but your book was my favorite book of last year, and it's one of those books that I recommend to anyone who's at all curious about what's happening in the world, because I don't think you could talk about any current event without talking about how so much of our lives is affected by the far right, and white supremacist groups, and antisemitic people, and it's really kind of scary how much all of that overlaps, you know? You have the white supremacist groups.They tend to overlap in their beliefs with a lot of the evangelical groups, which tend to overlap with a lot of the anti-LGBTQ groups, these sorts of things where there's a very powerful and strong coalition of people that, I don't know, they just make the world a worse place by what they do and what they say, not by existing. I mean, I'm all for people existing. I want to make that clear, but I think that their actions and what they do just makes things so much harder. Is there anything in going into writing that, or in just your work generally, that surprised you? Were there any ideas that you had, that you had to challenge and rethink along the process?Well, so one of the big... How do I put this? Okay. I will answer your question after, but this is something that... Culture Warlords was my first book. I had never written one before, and it has some first book syndrome, which is like I put too much of myself in it, you know? Where it at points bordered on the memoiristic in ways that I now look back on with a little bit of regret, just in the sense that it feels a bit self-indulgent sometimes, like we didn't need a chapter on my childhood.The other major regret I have is not including... I did address transphobia in these contexts. I didn't address it as much as it deserved. Like, it should have had its own chapter, and I'm working on a second book right now, called Lone Wolves Run in Packs, which is about sort of debunking the sort of Lone Wolf theorem that people radicalize in isolation, that sort of white supremacist terror arises because individuals make choices. It's much more about the communities that these kinds of extremism arise from.And I know transphobia is going to be at the center of a lot of what I write, because it is, at the moment, as Judith Butler very eloquently articulated recently in The Guardian, at the forefront and center of all of these rising fascist movements. And I mean, it is all interconnected. Like, that's what makes it sort of endlessly fascinating and sometimes a bit overwhelming, is like you don't know when to stop researching.For example, part two of this series is about basically how child corporal punishment affects romantic relationships in the future. Essentially, it's like if you grow up in an environment where you're told... where you accept pain as your due, and specifically in an environment where God is invoked constantly, your sinful nature is evoked constantly, and one of the more terrifying aspects of this whole Christian corporal punishment thing is like, there's a very strong recommendation in all of these parenting books. It's like, "After your kid gets spanked, first of all, if they cry too much from spanking, they're trying to manipulate you, so spank them again. And then also, like hold them, and tell them you love them, and explain, like whisper to them gently about obedience."It's creepy as f**k, to me, but it also is like, this is trauma bonding. Trauma bonding is a concept in psychology. It's a big way of how abusive relationships work, where basically, you're traumatized by someone. They hit you, they belittle you, whatever, and then they make up with you afterwards, and hold you, and comfort you from the trauma that they inflicted. So, these parental doctrines are essentially... And they're not unique to evangelicalism. I think the unique part here is that sort of theologically mandates in some circles and some biblical interpretations, but like it is pretty common, and the people that I see, who are defending hitting kids in my mentions, are like, "My parents always apologized after, and told me they loved me, and I turned out great," and like, "Did you? Because you're defending hitting kids to me. Like, you're pro-child assault, so I don't know how fine you turned out."But at any rate, at any rate, basically my A thesis of the second part, and this absolutely bears out in the 150 people that talked to me, many of them, and most of the people who responded to my questionnaire, which is a smaller subset, said like, "I was primed for abusive relationships. Like, I was primed. I knew how to pretend. I knew how to conceal my emotions. I was taught that I was worthless. I was taught that I deserve violence, and I could expect it from the people that loved me. Like, that was the lesson of my childhood, and of course, it went on to affect what I accepted as proper treatment in romantic contexts." And there's tons of other s**t. I mean, sorry. I'm babbling at this point, but it's like...You know, now I'm like reading a whole new set of primary sources, with Christian homeschooling materials, and these doctrines about patriarchy and submission, and like specifically it affects girls very strongly. Men are also affected, boys and men are also affected for sure, in slightly different ways. And I mean, of course it's all connected, right? If the people that I talked to did some really brave work in moving away from the ways they were raised with this kind of brutality, many people don't do that work, for many reasons, and go on to reproduce it in their lives.Like, it's really, really hard to say, like, "My parents, who loved me and who I love, hurt me, and did wrong," or like, "I hit my kids, and I was wrong to do that." It's like really, really, really hard, to make those moral distinctions, to assess your past and present critically, and a lot of people are neither inclined nor able to do that. And with all the empathy and respect that I can muster, I think one of the roots of authoritarianism in our country, and especially among the Christian right, is...And this is a nascent understanding. It's not backed with science. It's more just like what I've been researching lately. I think there is a current of tremendous violence that undergirds this culture. It's like, because hierarchies of sex, of gender, of spouses and children as property, you know, are at the core of this doctrine, and enforced by often brutal, often daily physical violence. So it's a self-reproducing ideology in that sense.Right. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, that's a great point. You know, one other thing I wanted to kind of touch on here, not to change gears too sharply, but one thing that I think that both... Because we both worked at Media Matters for a little bit, and one of the things there is just sort of examining the right-wing media ecosystem, which exists on big and small scales. You have Fox News, which is large, but you also have weird little networks of right-wing bloggers, that coordinate very closely, and that's not something you see on the left as much, or at all. That's why there's this ability of people on the right to really get people who oppose them to be quiet, to shut up, to go away, to not bother them because it becomes not worth it.And I know that there have been times where I've seen something, and I'm like, "I want to write about this," and then I have to think, is it worth it? And when you wrote your book, that was after you had already not only been targeted by randos online, but you had ICE giving you s**t. You had DHS upset, because you tweeted about an ICE agent's tattoo, which you were not the first person to tweet that, and you were really one of the few people who actually said, "Oh no, I mistook that tattoo. I am sorry. My mistake."But it was clear that there was this idea that you were influential in a certain sense, and they wanted to just make your life kind of hell. What was that like, and how does that affect what you write about and how you write about it? I mean, in the sense that there has to be sort of this fear that every time you go into writing these stories that you're going to get targeted. And I know that it can take a major toll on you, and I think that... I don't know. Just any time I see something like that happen, it just breaks my heart, because you do such great work, and yet you've had the federal government giving you a hard time, and trying to push you out of your job.Yeah. I mean, it sucked. That was back in 2018. But it recurs daily, in this very warped way. I got Ken Klippenstein in The Nation, to kind of tell my story through... We sued ICE under FOIA to be like, "What do you actually have?" And they didn't have my tweet, because I had deleted my f*****g tweet, which by the way, didn't say, "This guy's a Nazi." It was just a picture of the tattoo that ICE had tweeted out, without the guy's name, and it looked like an Iron Cross, and then like a picture of an Iron Cross. It was sort of like a question mark. Whatever. It was a late-night thing. I'd seen it tossed around in different circles already online.And I deleted it after 15 minutes. I was like, "I made a mistake," you know? People pointed out it might be a Maltese Cross. And the next morning, ICE issued a press release, blaming me. We FOIA'd their emails, and they were like, "Ah, we don't have her original tweet." No one had it. Like, given all the people that picked over every aspect of my life, you think someone would have screenshotted that original tweet if it truly virally influenced a trend. It didn't. It straight up didn't. That's not factual. But at the time, I mean, I was very young. I mean, not very young. I was younger, and naïve.You're like, "It was three years ago."I've aged 40 million years in the interim because that was my first... I had written a bit about the right. I'd started writing about it. I wrote my first piece about the far right in 2017, so I was pretty new in that realm. I'd had a couple of Daily Stormer pieces about me or whatever, but... It sucks, it hurts, it's weird, but when you are public, you kind of expect it. I was public on a much smaller scale than I am now, and I was employed. I was a fact-checker at The New Yorker.Oh, god. It was just like we were getting so much... The fact-checking department was getting hate mail, and at the time, right? I was very earnest. I loved my job. I loved my coworkers. It's still the best job I've ever had, probably ever will, because it was fascinating. I was learning something new every week. Like, I got to do research all the time, and it was great. Great. I called fascinating people constantly. But like, I really was like, this is... I was very like, this is impacting poorly on the company. This is impacting poorly on my peers. Like, I must sacrifice myself, because I just don't belong here anymore.And of course, like I was getting so much hate mail, and segments on Fox about it, because ICE painted a giant target on my back over a lie, because I was a convenient target. I mean, it's like The New Yorker. She's a Harvard graduate. She's Jewish. She's fat. She's the media. Whatever. Like, I was a very convenient culture war proxy. It was also at a time of very intense outrage at the whole babies in cages thing, so it's like let's throw some meat to the lions or whatever, and the meat was me.I mean, so it's like, I was so naïve, and so traumatized frankly, that I was... It was an awful week. Like, I self-harmed for the first time in ages. Like, you know? And it still comes up constantly. Any time I say anything, someone will be like, "Didn't you accuse a veteran of being a Nazi?" I'm like, "No, I didn't." Anyway. But like then you sound all tinfoily, when you're like, "The government was lying." Like, it's hard to... And I was stupid. I was stupid to resign, and thus cement a narrative that I'd done something wrong. I have so many regrets about how I handled all that s**t, like now, now that I've been through the fire a bunch more times.I will say, though, it severed me from traditional journalism, at least staffed traditional journalism. Like, I've written in a lot of publications, from The New Republic, to Vice, and whatever. I've had freelance bylines all over, but I've basically, besides a brief stint at Media Matters, which I got laid off for pay, for like money reasons, like they were trimming down their extremism department, which seems like a weird decision in retrospect.Yeah.Like, I haven't had a staff job since, and now I'm Substacking. I appreciate the stability of Substack. I also am like, obviously there's TERF ambivalence. Like, the first Substack experience I had was like Glenn Greenwald being like, "How dare you tweet," you know? And saying like I think Substack shouldn't have these outspoken TERFs on it anymore. Which f**k Glenn Greenwald. He's just like a troll all the time. I call him “Glerb” in my head.Glerb.Anyway. Whatever. It's not so interesting. I've written about... One piece that kind of goes into my reflections, and what I'd learned from that whole shitty, depressing incident, and its various ripple effects, like Laura Ingraham calling me a terrorist and stuff. I had a conversation with Lyz Lenz, who writes the Men Yell at Me newsletter, where we talked about kind of what it feels like to get these kinds of mobbings. They are absolutely techniques to silence. They are very frequently employed by the right, because the right has a much stronger villain of the day kind of methodology. That's what they do. That's like... We've studied right wing ecologies of information, and like, essentially it's like, yeah, a villain of the day can go through so many iterations, from all of these ideologically completely uniform, like punitively distinct media brands. It's a little like the five minutes of hate thing from 1984, and when you're the subject of it, it's very... And I've talked to a lot of women particularly, and transwomen, women through queer women, just women, basically, through... I'm sorry to make that... I didn't mean to make that as a distinction. It's just more like the different loci of vulnerability.We're good.It's like been almost exclusively women, through the process of like, "How do I get my information offline? How do I deal?" I have some practical tips, mostly just sign up for DeleteMe. It's a useful service. Anyone who's a journalist, frankly I think should be signed up for it, because you'll have... Chances are, you'll have your time in the hopper, especially if you are not a conservative white man. But like, a lot of it is emotional guidance. Like, the way I describe it sometimes is like having the roof ripped off your life. Like, you feel like you're just toddling along, a relatively insignificant figure, and suddenly, you're in a national spotlight as villain of the day. It's a f*****g traumatizing experience, really. I feel like this podcast is you asking reasonable questions, and then me like just rambling.No. I mean, it's all very fascinating, because it's hard to explain to people who haven't gone through anything like this, because on a smaller scale, I've gone through this. Like, there was one time, I was at home, and I was just sitting there, and Andy Ngo posted a thing that was... It was like a photo that showed his backpack, with white dots on it, and I said that it looked like a pigeon pooped on him. I thought that was just kind of funny, and I closed Twitter, and I took a nap. Then when I woke up, I had people who were like, "Wow, you were cheering for him to be poisoned with cement milkshakes and beaten to death," and I'm like, "What the f**k?"So then I delete my tweet, and I say, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to be taken that way," et cetera, et cetera, and one thing I've learned is if you publicly acknowledge something and if you publicly apologize for it, they go, "Ha, we've got you." And that happened with... I remember there was one time, there was a trump rally, where David Weigel at The Washington Post tweeted out a photo that showed the rally kind of half empty, but he took it from a weird angle. It was an accident. He accidentally showed the rally looking small, and Trump himself, who at the time was the president of the United States, tweeted out a demand for an apology, so Dave responds by saying like, "Yeah, sure. I'm sorry. That was a mistake. Here. Here are some other photos from the event. We're good, right?"And then the response to that was Trump then said, "You should be fired," you know? It's this whole thing where if you ever acknowledge that maybe you got something wrong, that is what they just cling onto and create their narrative around.Yeah, I mean-That's why it's so frustrating.... it's “don't show the whites of your eyes” kind of vibe.Yeah.Oh, Andy Ngo is such a putrid f**k. I really hate him. I called him a... I think I called him a fascism-adjacent dipshit in my book, like down on paper. I wish it was in the index as like, "Ngo Andy, fascism-adjacent dipshittery of,"See also.Like, yeah. Right? He sucks, and he's so deeply transphobic and racist. Like, all of his... It's interesting. Like, he's a very big purveyor of the five minutes of hate format, and he always highlights gender-nonconforming protestors. He highlights black protestors. It's very calculated. It is very... obviously comes from very deep-seated bigotry on his part, and to me, that is just factual. It's the way he works, and he knows who his audience is, and he is who he is. We met once, because I was covering this conference. It was like him and-Oh, I remember that.It was in the book, yeah. It was like him and Tim Pool, like organized this conference to prove how tolerant they were, and I wound up being chased out.Yep.Which to me was pretty... And then they were like, "You were chased out? You just walked away, while being followed by people." And like, okay.Well, and also you were live-tweeting it at the time, so it was very clear what was happening, you know? It's like anyone who was reading your tweets saw that you were... they were... There were people there who were treating you horribly, and then you-Well, Ngo said I look like a pigeon, and that I'd waddled away, which like, pigeons are very noble birds. They can eat garbage without any adverse effects, and they successfully hide their young offspring such as I've never seen a baby pigeon. So, I admire the pigeon as an urban bird, and I don't find it offensive. And you know what? But whether I waddled, or sauntered, or whatever, people were screaming at me, and I would describe that as being chased... It's so surreal. You wind up in... I think I opened the chapter on that rally by just being like, "I'm sitting at home, arguing about whether I was chased or not." Like, you wind up in these obscene, stupid semantic scenarios, and they were like, "We're going to get security footage from the casino." It was held at a casino, "Like to prove that you weren't chased." And they never produced the security footage. They found like one security chief guy who was like, "No one was chased, probably." Because of course he would say that, right?Yeah. They're not going to be like, "Yeah, someone was chased, and we just kind of sat back and were like, huh."Like, "Yeah, people routinely get ideologically run out of our casino." Like, you know? And they're so enamored of gotchas. They also love choosing the most unflattering pictures of me online. I think also when you're a woman, and like, so they inherently see you in this sexualized way, the sheer amount of fucked up s**t that's happened with my photos... Someone posed as me on 4chan, and it was like, "I'm Talia Lavin, a journalist, and here's a bikini photo of me to prove it," and three separate times. I had posted one bikini photo in the history of time on the internet, and like, it's just weird s**t, like saying, "You look like a neanderthal," or weird Photoshops. You know what I'm talking about.Oh, absolutely.Like, it's very sexualized, and it's also this mix of like, "You're disgusting, and I'm going to sexually demean you, and..." Like, I will say, that's one of the things that I know has left some residual psychic s**t. Like, I've had periods of my life where I look in the mirror, and I'm like, "Am I the monster they think I am?" You know? And it really depends. It's like, if I'm having a good day, mentally, it all just slides off my back. If I'm having a bad day, it can sink in. And this, "Don't feed the trolls" s**t, like they're not going to go away.No.If you feed them or not.Yeah.Like, you know? It's not... You can't blame people who are targeted for how they react.Right. Yeah, and that's the thing. It's like, I still don't know what the right way to respond to-There isn't like-... harassment is, because there's not, yeah. It's just a bad situation, and it's... I mean, that's part of the reason... I don't know. I felt there came a time where I couldn't just mentally commit to having a full-time job, if that makes sense. I mean, I kind of got to this point where my mental health had just deteriorated from a lot of the same stuff that you were just kind of talking about, where-Also Media Matters specifically is like, look at horrifying and traumatic s**t all f*****g day.Yeah. It's like, I love the-Write it up in these little bulletins that no one reads. Like, I mean, it's great, and they do great work, but like-Great work, but-... it is a tough organization to work in.Yeah. I mean, and I feel like it's only gotten harder over the years, because it used to be like, "Hey, look, Bill O'Reilly said something that wasn't true." And now it's like, "Oh, Tucker Carlson invited the grand wizard of the KKK to..." You know, and you're just like, "How did we get here?" And especially the people there who have to do so much of the research on 4chan and all the online stuff. That is-Well, I mean, that was my job.Yeah, that was you.Every time I talked to... Every time someone would say to me like, "Oh wow, I can't believe that you have to do..." I'm like, "At least I don't have to watch NRATV every day. I don't have to go through 4chan." I mean, people would point out to me whenever something I tweeted would end up being screen-capped and posted to 4chan, which was sometimes helpful, and sometimes I was like, "I don't need to know this," you know? And it's just-It's like, "Just FYI, they're posting pictures of you on 4chan."It's like, "Oh, cool, cool, cool." But yeah, I mean, it's tough, and it takes a toll on you that I don't... I don't know. And it's hard to just go, "Well, it's only a few people. It's only 10 people or 100 people out of millions out there," you know? Or something like that. But I mean, if 100 people are tweeting about you nonstop, or messaging you, or trying to start a harassment campaign, it feels like it's the whole world. It really does, and it eats away at... It was eating away at my ability to stay focused on work, and doing what I wanted to do, so I mean, that is personally why I was like...You know, it's like I had a lot of reservations when it came to making a jump to trying to do a newsletter, and especially with Substack, but ultimately, I was like, I think this is the better option for me personally, because it provided a certain level of stability, a certain level of just me being able to write a bunch of things in advance, and if for two days, I can't work or can't function, essentially, then I'm okay, you know? That's kind of one of the plus-sides there.Yeah, I mean, freelancing is super “publish or perish.” It's like, if I don't write, I don't get paid, and sometimes it's hard. I mean, yeah. I mean, that resonates so much, and I think like, I mean, people have asked me, or concerned family members have been like, "Why don't you write a cookbook? Like, why don't you do something different?" I'm like, "Yeah, no I will." Like, my third book is definitely going to be like a food-focused memoir. That's the plan. But I have... And when I'm talking about my current work, I'm...Oh. Oh, now I remember what I was going to say, about why it feels so powerful when even a relatively small number of people are coming after you. My therapist, not to be like, "My therapist," but my therapist, who I started seeing just before the whole ICE thing, and he's lovely, and we've been in this therapeutic relationship for years, he's like, "It's evolutionary." There's a reason why we selectively remember bad things, selectively prize, or sort of focus and obsess on bad voices about us. It's because there is an evolutionary mandate to be aware of criticism, so you don't get kicked out of the tribe and lose your security and your food. Like, there is an evolutionary mandate to keep an eye on criticism, and it's a self-preservation mechanic in its way.It only becomes maladaptive in this completely unprecedented context, of like within a minute, a million people can see your stupid thing. Like, Twitter I think in particular, is very the sort of, "I'm talking to my sphere, and then suddenly it gets catapulted into a much larger one." Like, that's a unique feature of the platform. It's part of what makes it fun, is being able to see voices that you never would have heard, and people from all over the world, and all that stuff, but it can entail this relatively traumatic leap from like, "I'm just talking to my buddies," to like, "Now everyone's criticizing me for something," and sometimes, it's from people who are leftier than me, and sometimes that can be more painful, because I'm like, "I probably agree with you. I just wish you weren't being such a dick about it."Yeah.Or, "Am I wrong? Should I retire and become a Benedictine monk?" And then it's from the right, and to be honest, that's less painful for me most of the time, because I'm just like, "Ah, I'm used to genocidal f*****s being horrible, because I'm anti-genocide."Whoa, bold position, anti-genocide.I mean, like I don't... Yeah, and like, I... Ugh, whatever. So, context collapse is a major thing, but also, there is an evolutionary... Not that I'm so into evolutionary biology, because I think it's a lot of b******t sometimes, but there is a survival value in looking at critique. It's just the level, and ubiquity, and immediacy of that critique. Like, these are not your tribe. They're not going to imperil your food, but you're still wired to be like... You know?Yeah.To keep it in mind, because they also might kill you, or whatever.Yeah. I mean, it is good to... There is that line, of is it good to be aware of criticism or not? There are obviously things, you know, threats to your life, and those are important to know, and to be aware of, because you don't want to be harmed by someone, you know?Or your family.Yeah, or that is another one. I mean, I've had situations where it's been... I've gotten messages from people who were talking about my family, and where they live, and stuff like that. It's like, "What is wrong with you? Why would you do this? Because you disagree with something I wrote online? Because you disagree with me?" Those sorts of things, it's... A lot of it's-It's very... Yeah.Yeah, it's a product of this time of hyper-connectedness that we live in, you know? And the way we communicate, which is kind of... I mean, that's kind of the angle that I'm trying to think about a lot of things. I mean, that's kind of the premise of my newsletter, is just-The present age.Yeah, it's like here we are, and everything is insane, and I don't know what to do, you know? But we're trying to get through it. I mean, with the pandemic especially, so much of our communication has shifted to the internet, that might not have been before, but I mean, in my case, and maybe yours, it's like, yeah, it was already on the internet, but you know? It's like, I was already spending way too much time on social media before the pandemic, before it was cool.It's like, I'm a weird recluse.Yeah, exactly.Like, half my friends are online. Like, yeah.Yeah.I mean, I think it just helps me to reframe. I think a lot of people who are in this experience, especially in the first time or first several times, are like, you know, "Am I weak for feeling bad?" I'm like, "No." It's human nature, you know? You're not weak. Like, please don't beat yourself up about having feelings about people saying terrible things about you. Like, you know? That's part of my like Talia's pep talk for traumatized victims of the right-wing hate complex thing. You know, and there's also the like, "Am I wrong for seeking it out?" I'm like, you know, it can be a discipline thing, to try to not seek it out all the time. Well, yeah, it's also human nature. Forgive yourself for that, for wanting to know. That is also a very natural impulse.In my case, I mean, stuff does happen that I need to be aware of. You know, when literally the organizer of Unite the Right, Jason Kessler, posted my mom's office address on a Nazi blog. S**t like that, like I need to know. I need to warn, and I feel so f*****g guilty that my family has to suffer for my choice to traumatize myself every day. I mean, it is interesting. I do feel like the evangelical series that I'm working on now is like... is interconnected with a lot of this stuff, in ways that are maybe less explicit, maybe less overt, but I think it is interconnected. I also think these are just stories of pain that deserve honor and telling, and careful telling.But I do think it's interconnected. I also think like, you know? In my experience, if you deep dive and learn a lot about one thing, you see the way it shows up in lots of other places. I've rarely regretted learning a lot about a subject in my time. Like, could I be focusing on the Charlottesville trial? Could I be focusing on militias? Could I be focusing on what are the Oath Keepers up to lately? Like, could I be focusing on the antivax white nationalist nexus? Of course. There's so many topics. There's like-Yeah, there's no shortage.Yeah, I had to explain to someone, when I'm talking about like I study the far right, there's a massive range of topics, covering tens of millions of people. It's not like, "How could you have such a narrow beat?" It's not narrow.No.And it almost mirrors in that sense, like my experience of academics. I was very serious as a student, and I didn't do a PhD. I thought about it, but it was like I was studying one poet, and all their works, and how they came to translate things the way they did, and the deeper you dive into one topic, the more of a world it encompasses. Like, you learn one thing, and you learn the history of it, and something else, and something else, and something else, so I rarely regret my sort of history-based and deep dive model of things.It's sometimes very intensive. It requires a lot. I think I've bought, for this project, I have bought eight or nine books already, including some that are only available on paperback, so I'm going to get a copy of God, The Rod, and Your Child's Bod in the mail, which I then... Once I read it and use it, I plan to publicly burn it.Yeah. I mean, that's going to... I feel like buying that is something that ends up getting you on a watchlist or something.You'd think, but you know what? Like, corporal punishment is legal in public schools in 19 states.Yeah. I mean-It's legal in private schools in 48 states. My home state of New Jersey is one of the two that's banned it in private schools.There you go. See? “New Jersey. We've banned something.”Jersey pride.Yeah.Jersey pride. And I feel conflict when I'm talking about should it be... Like, many countries have outright banned corporal punishment, of any kind, even by parents. You know, even by parents, whatever, including by parents. Sweden was the first, in 1979, and like, is that what I'm advocating for in the US? If we had a less s**t justice system, and a less racist justice system, and whatever, it's such a punitive and carceral society, maybe. That's not what I'm advocating for when I'm just saying like, "Don't hit your kids" on social media a lot lately. I do think it's a very reasonable demand to say like, ban it in schools. Like, because people get paddled in schools every day, and it's disproportionately black students that get paddled.And that's-By paddled, I mean struck with a board to cause pain.Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, and I mean, that's another issue in itself, is that you know, with any policy, with any sort of action, it's the enforcement of said action or policy tends to affect marginalized groups more than everyone else basically, but I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. You are one of the smartest people I know, one of the best writers I know, and I cannot recommend enough that people subscribe to The Sword and the Sandwich for both sword and sandwich posts, because-Yeah.... you will learn something in both.Yeah, I'm like looking at all this stuff about the history of the bagel right now. I found this New York Times article from 1960, that called bagels... What was it? "An unsweetened donut with rigor mortis."Like, okay, first of all, it's so good. I'm unabashedly pro bagel in my life, so-I don't trust anyone who's not pro bagel, to be honest, so-Yeah, so there is the sandwich part. The sword part is, you know, rougher, but they're both valuable in their own way, and thank you so much for having me on.Of course. Any time.Yeah. And I enjoyed this kind of loose, wide-ranging conversation.Yeah, it was great! It was so much fun. I really appreciate it. Get full access to The Present Age at www.readthepresentage.com/subscribe

I know so many people who swear by running, but I cannot understand it. I have to run... outside... in front of other people? I just don't get it. That is why I have writer and journalist Lyz Lenz on the show today to help demystify the whole thing of running and how it has become an essential part of her life.   Content Warning: this conversation touches on topics of sexual assault and miscarrage.   Indulgence Nichole recommends stepping outside of your comfort pop culture zones, like watching Summertime on Netflix.   Guest Lyz Lenz is a writer, author, and whiskey drinker living in Iowa. Her book God Land was published in 2019, through Indiana University Press. Her second book Belabored, was published in 2020 by Bold Type Books. Lyz's essay “All the Angry Women” was also included in the anthology Not that Bad edited by Roxane Gay. Her third book, This American Ex Wife, will be published by Crown. Lyz received her MFA in creative writing from Lesley University. She lives in Iowa with her two kids and two dogs and one cat. She writes a regular newsletter, Men Yell At Me, where she explores the intersection of politics and our bodies in red state America.   Sponsors - Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on. They're offering a 30-day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/thisisgood! - Girlfriend Collective is sustainable, ethically made activewear for everyone. They're offering $25 off your purchase of $100 or more when you go to girlfriend.com/thisisgood.   Find Us Online - Twitter: @ThisIsGoodPod - Instagram: @ThisIsGoodPod - Merch: thisisgoodpod.com/merch - Patreon: thisisgoodpod.com/patreon - Nichole: @tnwhiskeywoman - Multitude: @MultitudeShows - Email: thisisgoodpod@gmail.com   Production - Producer: Eric Silver - Editor: Brandon Grugle - Executive Producers: Amanda McLoughlin and Nichole Perkins - Theme Music: Donwill - Artwork: Jessica E. Boyd   About The Show Nichole Perkins wants people to stop feeling bad about feeling good, and This Is Good For You lets you know you are never alone in what you like. Every episode, Nichole explores something that people love—whether it's needlepoint, watching bad movies with friends, or cowgirl exercise classes—and asks experts and devotees why it makes them happy. She ends each show with an Indulgence: a recommendation listeners can enjoy with no remorse. There's no such thing as a guilty pleasure when you learn to love it freely! To find out what's good for you, listen to new episodes every other Friday.

Let's kick off the next hundred episodes of Truthspresso with a bang! A young woman named Rebekah Jones became a media darling last year. She was fired from the Florida Department of Health in May 2020. She claims that Governor DeSantis pressured staff to fudge the numbers to cover up the real COVID case and death totals. Allegedly conditions are much worse in Florida than the governor wants people to know. Police raided Jones' house and took her computers. She was later arrested and is currently facing court battles. Is the governor a criminal, or is she the real criminal? Listen to two sides to this story as we solve some mysteries. Sources Consulted: Ava Loomar, "https://www.wuft.org/news/2021/05/13/rebekah-jones-and-the-consequences-of-whistleblowing/ (Rebekah Jones And The Consequences Of Whistleblowing)," WUFT News, May 13, 2021. Charles C. W. Cooke, "https://nypost.com/2021/05/13/how-rebekah-jones-peddled-lies-about-florida-covid-19-deaths/ (How a fake whistleblower peddled lies about Florida's COVID deaths)," NY Post, May 13, 2021. Charles C. W. Cooke, "https://www.nationalreview.com/2021/05/rebekah-jones-the-covid-whistleblower-who-wasnt/ (Rebekah Jones, the COVID Whistleblower Who Wasn't)," National Review, May 13, 2021. Mary Ellen Klas and Ana Ceballos, "https://www.tampabay.com/news/florida-politics/2020/12/09/after-police-raid-data-analysts-gofundme-grows-by-200000/ (After police raid, Florida data analyst's GoFundMe grows by $200,000)," Tampa Bay Times, Updated December 10, 2020. "https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/projection (Projection)," Psychology Today, Accessed May 22, 2021. Amanda Mull, "https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/04/why-georgia-reopening-coronavirus-pandemic/610882/ (Georgia's Experiment in Human Sacrifice)," The Atlantic, April 29, 2020. Dana Milbank, "https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/04/21/georgia-leads-race-become-americas-no-1-death-destination/ (Georgia leads the race to become America's No. 1 Death Destination)," Washington Post, April 21, 2020. Lyz Lenz, "https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2021/02/10/iowa-lift-all-restrictions/ (Welcome to Iowa, a state that doesn't care if you live or die)," Washington Post, February 10, 2021. Scriptures Cited: Proverbs 10:2-3 Numbers 32:23 ***** Like what you hear? https://www.truthspresso.com/donate (Donate) to Truthspresso and give a shot of support! *****

“Labias to the wall, ladies!”Lyz Lenz is the author of Belabored and God Land and her essay “All the Angry Women” was included in the anthology Not that Bad edited by Roxane Gay. She lives in Iowa with 2 kids and 2 cats and describes writing-motherhood in 3 words as “creative and chaotic.” In this episode, Lyz shares the story of how President Biden once (sarcastically) called her “a real sweetheart,” why she no longer matches her socks, and why men get mad at her. Find out why Lyz was kicked out of an online mommies group–and discover the origin of WMM's new motto: “Labias to the wall, ladies!”Writer Mother Monster is an interactive interview series devoted to dismantling the myth of having it all and offering writer-moms solidarity, support, and advice.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/writermothermonster)

Lyz Lenz is the author of two books, the latter of which, Belabored: A Vindication on the Rights of Pregnant Women, was released while she was fleeing an Iowa derecho mid-pandemic with her two young children. She was, until very recently, a columnist for the Cedar Rapids Gazette; her work has also appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Columbia Journalism Review, and in her popular newsletter, “Men Yell at Me.” Lyz talked to Adrian and Laura about releasing Belabored amidst multiple disasters, the hardcore survival instincts of Midwestern women, and becoming a writer on the internet.

Fox Primetime host Tucker Carlson has already had quite the July. On the plus side, the latest ratings for his show have made him officially the most watched cable news host. On the other side of the ledger, advertisers are fleeing his show on the grounds of not wishing to be associated with lies and hate speech. Oh, also, his head writer Blake Neff, was forced out after his explicitly racist and misogynist social media posts were unmasked online. And now Tucker is off the show for two weeks, as he put it “on a long-planned vacation.”  The last time Carlson was in the headlines — with the March 2019 resurrection of his very own hate speech — we spoke to writer Lyz Lenz, who wrote a profile of Carlson for CJR.  On the Media is supported by listeners like you. Support OTM by donating today (https://pledge.wnyc.org/support/otm). Follow our show on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook @onthemedia, and share your thoughts with us by emailing onthemedia@wnyc.org.

To suggest that Tucker Carlson has a tendency to hint at deeply discriminatory tropes would be cliché — but also dead-on. Just this week, thanks to newly unearthed audio released by Media Matters, the Fox News darling ditches his signature dog whistle in exchange for unmistakable and unapologetic hate speech. Who is Tucker Carlson, really? In this week's pod extra, Bob delves into the origins of the now-notorious commentator with Lyz Lenz, a writer for Columbia Journalism Review who profiled Carlson in September. On the Media is supported by listeners like you. Support OTM by donating today (https://pledge.wnyc.org/support/otm). Follow our show on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook @onthemedia, and share your thoughts with us by emailing onthemedia@wnyc.org.