Podcasts about thing beneath

Ever feel like money has more control over you than you'd like to admit?In Week 4 of Learning to Let Go, we dive into one of Jesus' most confusing parables, and discover it's not really about money. It's about surrender.Whether you're juggling a mortgage, daycare costs, student loans, or just trying to “get ahead,” this message will help you rethink ownership, anxiety, and what real freedom actually looks like.If you're new to church or unsure about faith, this is a practical and honest conversation about trust, control, and who's really in charge of your life.Bible References: Luke 16:1–13; Luke 15:1–2; Proverbs 3:5–10

Ever feel like everything depends on you? Your marriage. Your career. Your kids. Your future.In Week 3 of our series “The Thing Beneath the Thing,” we look at the Parable of the Talents and discover something unexpected, Jesus wasn't talking about money management. He was exposing identity fractures.If you've been living exhausted, anxious, or afraid to fail because you think it's all on you, this message is for you.Freedom begins the moment you realize it never was.Bible References: Matthew 25:14–30; Psalm 24:1; 1 Corinthians 4:2

Why does it never feel like enough, no matter how much we make, save, or achieve?In this message, we uncover the fear underneath our striving and discover that Jesus isn't offering better financial strategies — He's offering His presence. If you've been exhausted trying to secure your future alone, this message is for you.Scripture References: Luke 12:13–21; Ecclesiastes 5:10; Hebrews 13:5; 2 Corinthians 12:7–9

Money stress hits all of us, especially when life feels uncertain.But Jesus isn't after your wallet… He's after your trust.In this message, we talk about why money feels so powerful during unstable seasons, how fear shifts our trust, and why Jesus offers a better kind of security that doesn't disappear when circumstances change.Whether you're new to church or figuring out faith in real life, this message is about discovering what you're really trusting, and why Jesus is worth trusting with everything.Scriptures: Matthew 6:19–21; Luke 12:15; Proverbs 4:23; Matthew 6:24

This encounter with the rich young ruler shows Jesus lovingly pointing out the thing beneath the thing (beneath the thing) when it comes to what might be holding us back. Are we REALLY willing to let that go and trust God?It turns out that “Go. Sell. Come. Follow” is WAY more than an instruction about money or stuff!

FOLLOW RICHARD Website: https://www.strangeplanet.ca YouTube: @strangeplanetradio Instagram: @richardsyrettstrangeplanet TikTok: @therealstrangeplanet EP. #1264 The Thing Beneath the Runway: Texas' Hidden Alien-Demon War Dive into the heart of Texas darkness on this Strange Planet episode, where aircraft mechanic Clay Wheeler's three-year nightmare at Sparks County Airport shattered the veil between worlds. UFOs stalked the runways, aliens invaded his hangar, poltergeists raged, and possessions spiraled into violence—leaving two men dead and a buried "body" as the ultimate enigma. Join author-investigator Patricia O'Connell as she unearths her late brother Jim's hidden files, recovered data, and mind-bending twists suggesting interdimensional "bleedthrough"—not just extraterrestrials, but demonic contagion infecting minds and machines. Is this the new Skinwalker Ranch, or pure evil leaking from another realm? Shocking evidence awaits. GUEST: Patricia O'Connell is an acclaimed author, investigator, and former aerospace/nuclear communications specialist whose analytical expertise grounds her pursuit of the unexplained. She inherited the infamous Bleedthrough case from her late brother, Jim O'Connell—a UFO abductee and founder of The Xperiencers Network, dedicated to documenting extraterrestrial encounters. Driven by Jim's unsolved death amid the investigation, Pat meticulously reconstructed the Clay Wheeler UFO saga at Sparks County Airport, uncovering electromagnetic anomalies, possession accounts, and suppressed evidence. Her debut book, Bleedthrough: A True Story of Aliens, Demons, and Pure Evil in Texas (2025), blends rigorous forensics with chilling revelations, positioning her as a fearless bridge between science and the supernatural. WEBSITE: http://www.xperiencers.com BOOK: Bleedthrough: A true story of aliens, demons, and pure evil in Texas SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS!!! ⁠FABRIC BY GERBER LIFE⁠ Life insurance that's designed to be fast and affordable. You could get instant coverage with no medical exam for qualified applicants. Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to help protect their family. Apply today in just minutes at ⁠meet fabric dot com slash STRANGE⁠ ⁠TESBROS⁠ We're a small business built by Tesla owners, for Tesla owners. Everything we do is about helping our customers customize, protect, and maintain their ride — whether it's through our products or YouTube how-tos and reviews. We're running an exclusive giveaway you won't want to miss! Enter now for your chance to win a DIY PPF Full Body Wrap kit tailored to your ride — either the Model Y Juniper or the Cybertruck. This prize is worth up to $2,500 and gives you the ultimate choice: Colored PPF. Clear Matte or Gloss PPF. Or even a Vinyl Wrap option for the Cybertruck Go to⁠ tesbros.com⁠ and use code POD15 for 15% off your first order. HIMS - Making Healthy and Happy Easy to Achieve Sexual Health, Hair Loss, Mental Health, Weight Management START YOUR FREE ONLINE VISIT TODAY - ⁠HIMS dot com slash STRANGE⁠ ⁠https://www.HIMS.com/strange⁠ MINT MOBILE Premium Wireless - $15 per month. No Stores. No Salespeople. JUST SAVINGS Ready to say yes to saying no? Make the switch at MINT MOBILE dot com slash STRANGEPLANET. ⁠BECOME A PREMIUM SUBSCRIBER!!!⁠ ⁠https://strangeplanet.supportingcast.fm⁠ Three monthly subscriptions to choose from. Commercial Free Listening, Bonus Episodes and a Subscription to my monthly newsletter, InnerSanctum. Visit ⁠https://strangeplanet.supportingcast.fm⁠ Use the discount code "Planet" to receive $5 OFF off any subscription. We and our partners use cookies to personalize your experience, to show you ads based on your interests, and for measurement and analytics purposes. By using our website and services, you agree to our use of cookies as described in our Cookie Policy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit ⁠megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://strangeplanet.supportingcast.fm/

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, OR— BRAND NEW: we've included a fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, we have a coaching call with Laurel and Derrick. This call is such a good one because we cover ALL the big ideas behind the peaceful parenting approach, while applying them to real life scenarios in a home with three kids. Topics include sibling rivalry, nurturing our kids, self regulation, how to handle kids asking lots of questions and always wanting more, what parenting without punishment looks like, and more!**If you'd like an ad-free version of the podcast, consider becoming a supporter on Substack! > > If you already ARE a supporter, the ad-free version is waiting for you in the Substack app or you can enter the private feed URL in the podcast player of your choice.Know someone who might appreciate this post? Share it with them!We talk about:* 7:00 What it looks like when our children truly respect us* 9:00 7-year-old refusing to get dressed* 12:10 Why it is okay baby and nurture our kids* 14:00 Tuning into our own self regulation* 18:00 Mindset shifts to give our kids the benefit of the doubt* 19:30 How to handle sibling rivalry* 24:00 Don't try to make it a teachable moment* 38:00 When kids ask questions over and over* 41:00 Why kids always want more!* 45:00 Helping kids see how their actions affect other people* 55:00 Why kids lie and what to do* 57:00 Natural consequences, boundaries, and limits* 1:02 Peaceful Parenting MantrasResources mentioned in this episode:* Yoto Player-Screen Free Audio Book Player* The Peaceful Parenting Membership* Free Stop Sibling Fights E book* Free How To Stop Yelling at Your Kids e-coursexx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the spring for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HERETranscript:Derrick: Hi, good morning.Sarah: Hi Derek. Nice to meet you. Hi Laurel. Hi. Are you a firefighter, Derek? I'm—yeah, I'm actually—I see you've got your sweatshirt.Derrick: Yeah. Just a heads up, I may have to jump off if we get a call.Sarah: Okay. Well, so nice to meet you guys. So you've got three—boy, girl, girl. And what would you like to talk about today?Laurel: I think I just love your whole—I've sent Derek a couple things—but I just love your whole premise of peacefulness and remaining calm when it's easy to get angry. Mm-hmm. And just some tools for doing that. I guess like some basic things, because we would both like to say where, you know, we have like, you know, the streaks where we're all calm, calm, calm, and then just—and then her, yeah, limit. Yeah.And so yeah, just tools for when that happens. We have very typical age-appropriate kind of response kids, mm-hmm, that need to be told 80 times something. And so it's frustrating. And then how to help them kind of see—without bribing, without threatening discipline, without all of that. Yeah. Like how to have a better dialogue with our kids of teaching respect and teaching kind of “we do this, you do this.”Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, maybe. Okay. So there's always gonna be situations where it's hard to stay calm, you know? Just being a parent—like of course your kids are gonna push your buttons sometimes. But rather than—so, we do always start with self-regulation.And what I mean by self-regulation isn't that you never get upset. It's that when you do get upset, you know how to calm yourself and take a minute, take a breath—whatever you need to do—so that you don't yell. Because yelling hurts our relationship with our kids. You mentioned respect. I think there's an old idea of respect that used to mean that kids were afraid of their parents, right?But real respect is that you care what another person thinks. Like, that's real respect. I don't want to do this because I don't want my dad or my mom to be unhappy with me—not that I'm afraid of what's gonna happen if I do it, but I care what they think and they care what I think. And that's how I define respect. True respect doesn't mean that you're afraid of somebody; it means that you care what they think, right?So when we yell, we chip away at that. Like yeah, we could get them to do what we want through yelling or threatening things or taking things away, but we're chipping away at our relationship with them. And that's really the only true influence.And as your kids are getting older, you're gonna see that you can control them when they're little, right? Because you can pick them up and move them from one place to another or whatever. But there's a famous quote by a psychologist that says, “The problem with using control when kids are young is that you never learn how to influence them, which is what you need as they get older.” Right? You need to be able to influence them, to get them to do what you would like them to do. And it's all about the relationship. That's really what I see as the most important thing.So back to what I was saying about yelling—yes, that's really important to be working on—but there's also: how do I be more effective so the kids will listen to me and I don't have to ask 80 times? How do I get their attention in an effective way? How do I get them to cooperate the first time or at least the second time?So it's a combination of learning how to calm yourself and stay calm when things are hard, and also being more effective as a parent—not asking 25 times, because that just trains them to ignore you. Like, “Oh, I don't have to do it until they yell,” or “I don't have to do it until they've asked me 25 times.”If there's something really unpleasant you had to do at work that you didn't want to do, you might also ignore your boss the first 24 times they asked you until you knew they were really serious, right? Mm-hmm. I mean, you wouldn't, but you know what I mean. If they can keep playing a little bit longer, they will keep playing a little bit longer.So I think what would be helpful is if you gave me some situations that have happened that you find challenging, and then we can do a little bit of a deeper dive into what you could have done instead, or what you could do next time if a similar thing comes up.Laurel: Yeah. I mean, for my daughter, for example, the middle one—she's so sweet, she's such a feeler—but then when she gets to the point where she's tired, hungry, it's all the things. She often doesn't wanna pick out her clothes. Something super simple like that.But when I'm making lunches and the other kids are getting ready and all the things, I just have to have her—I'm like, “You're seven, you can pick out clothes.” I give her some options, and then she'll just lay on the floor and start screaming, “You don't care! Why don't you pick out my clothes?”And then instead of me taking the time that I know I need to, I just tell her, “You have one minute or else this—so you lose this.” I just start kind of like, “This is yesterday.” You know, so she doesn't wanna get dressed, doesn't wanna get her shoes on. “You get my socks, you get all the big—” And then I end up picking her up, standing her up, “You need to get dressed.” And then both of us are frustrated.Sarah: Yeah. No, that's a great example.So first of all, whenever there's difficult behavior in our child, we try to look below the surface to see what's causing it. The symptom you see on the outside is a kid lying on the floor refusing to do something she's perfectly capable of doing herself. That's the iceberg part above the water. But what's underneath that?To me, I'm seeing a 7-year-old who has a 3-year-old sibling who probably does get help getting dressed, a capable older brother, and it's hard to give enough attention to three kids. What I see this as is a bid for attention and connection from you.I don't know if you listen to my podcast, but I did an episode about when kids ask you to do things for them that they can do themselves. Seven is a perfect age because you're like, “Oh my God, you're so capable of getting dressed yourself—what do you mean you want me to put your shoes on you?” But if you can shift your mind to think, Ah, she's asking me to do something she can do—she needs my connection and nurturing.So what if you thought, “Okay, I just spent all this energy yelling at her, trying to get her to do it. What if I just gave her the gift of picking her clothes out for her and getting her dressed?” It would probably be quicker, start your day on a happier note, and you would have met that need for connection.And yes, it's asking more of you in the moment, because you're trying to make lunches. But this is a beautiful example because you'll probably see it in other areas too—what's underneath this difficult behavior? Kids really are doing the best they can. That's one of our foundational paradigm shifts in peaceful parenting. Even when they're being difficult, they're doing the best they can with the resources they have in that moment.So when someone's being difficult, you can train yourself to think: Okay, if they're doing the best they can, what's going on underneath that's causing this behavior?I just want to say one more thing, because later on you might think, “Wait—Sarah's telling me to dress my 7-year-old. What about independence?” Just to put your fears aside: kids have such a strong natural drive for independence that you can baby them a little bit and it won't wreck them. Everybody needs a little babying sometimes—even you guys probably sometimes. Sometimes you just want Laurel to make you a coffee and bring it to you in bed. You can get your own coffee, but it's nice to be babied and nurtured.So we can do that safely. And I tell you, I have a 14-year-old, 17-year-old, and 20-year-old—very babied—and they're all super independent and competent kids. My husband used to say, “You're coddling them.” I'd say, “I'm nurturing them.”Laurel: Oh, I like that.Sarah: Okay. So I just wanted to say that in case the thought comes up later. Independence is important, but we don't have to push for it.Derrick: Yeah. No, I think that's super helpful. And I love—one of my good buddies just came out with a book called The Thing Beneath the Thing.Sarah: Oh, I love that.Derrick: It's such a good reminder. I think sometimes, like you addressed, Laurel is often a single mom and there is the reality of—she's gotta make lunch, she's gotta do laundry, she's gotta whatever. And sometimes there's just the logistical impossibility of, “I can't do that and this and get out the door in time and get you to camp on time, and here comes the carpool.”And so sometimes it just feels like there needs to be better planning. Like, “You just gotta wake up earlier, you gotta make lunch before you go to bed, or whatever,” to have the space to respond to the moment. Because the reality is, you never know when it's coming.Like, totally independent, and she wants to pick out her own clothes in one example—but then all these things creep up.Another way to describe what Laurel and I were talking about in terms of triggers is: I feel like we both really take a long time to light our fuse. But once it's lit, it's a very short fuse.Sarah: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Derrick: So it's like for me especially, I'm cool as a cucumber and then all of a sudden the wick is lit and I'll explode.Sarah: Yeah. I think that's really good to be aware of. The thing is, if you go forward from today and start looking—you're calm, calm, calm, calm, calm—sometimes what's actually happening is what my mentor calls gathering kindling.We don't realize it, but we're gathering kindling along the way—resentment, eye-roll frustration. If you can start tuning in a little bit, you'll see that yeah, you're not yelling, but maybe you're getting more frustrated as it goes on. That's when you can intervene with yourself, like, “Okay, I need to take a five-minute break,” or, “We need to shift gears or tap each other out.”Because it feels like it comes out of nowhere, but it rarely does. We're just not aware of the building process of gathering kindling along the way.Derrick: Yeah. No, that's helpful. I have two examples that maybe you can help us with. You can pick one that you think is more important.Sarah: Sure. And I just want to comment on one more thing you said before you go on—sorry to interrupt you. If it's annoying to have to dress a 7-year-old in the middle of your morning routine, you can also make a mental note: Okay, what's under the thing? What's under the difficult behavior is this need for more connection and nurturing. So how can I fill that at a time that's more convenient for me?Maybe 7:30 in the morning while I'm trying to get everyone out the door is not a convenient time. But how can I find another time in the day, especially for my middle child? I've got three kids too, and I know the middle child can be a bit of a stirring-the-pot kid, at least mine was when he was little, trying to get his needs met. So how can I make sure I'm giving her that time she's asking for, but in more appropriate times?Derrick: Yeah, no, that's helpful. I think part of my challenge is just understanding what is age-appropriate. For example, our almost 10-year-old literally cannot remember to flush the toilet.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Derrick: And it's like, “Bro, flush the toilet.” It's been this ongoing thing. That's just one example. There are many things where you're going, “You're 10 years old, dude, you should know how to flush the toilet.” And then all the fears come in—“Is he ADD?”—and we start throwing things out there we don't even know.But it seems so simple: poop in the toilet, you flush it when you're done. Why is that? And that'll light a wick pretty quick, the third or fourth time you go in and the toilet's not flushed.Sarah: Yeah.Derrick: And then you talk about it very peacefully, and he'll throw something back at you.Sarah: So do you have him go back and flush the toilet?Derrick: We do.Sarah: Okay, good. Because if you make it a tiny bit unpleasant that he forgot—like he has to stop what he's doing and go back and flush it—that might help him in a kind and firm way. Like, “Oh, looks like you forgot. Pause your video game. Please go back and flush the toilet.”Also, maybe put up some signs or something. By the sink, by the toilet paper. There are just some things that, if they're not important to kids, it's very hard for them to remember. Or if it's not…I can't tell you how many times I've told my boys, “Don't put wet things in the hamper.” They're 17 and 20 and it drives me insane. Like how hard is it to not throw a wet washcloth in the hamper? They don't care if it smells like mildew.Derrick: Yeah.Sarah: It's very frustrating. But they're not doing it on purpose.Derrick: That's the narrative we write though, right? Like, you're just defiant, you're trying—because we've talked about this a million times. This is my desire.Sarah: And you feel disrespecedt.Derrick: Right.Sarah: That is so insightful of you, Derek, to realize that. To realize that's a trigger for you because it feels like he's doing it on purpose to disrespect you. But having that awareness and a mindset shift—he's not trying to give me a hard time. He's just absent-minded, he's 10, and he doesn't care if the poop sits in the toilet. He's just not thinking about it.Derrick: Yeah.I think the other example, which I'm sure is super common, is just: how do you manage them pushing each other's buttons? They can do it so quickly. And then it's literally musical chairs of explosive reactions. It happens everywhere. You're driving in the car, button pushed, explosion. The 3-year-old's melting, and Kira knows exactly what she's doing. Then Blake, then Kira. They just know. They get so much joy out of watching their sibling melt and scream. Meanwhile, you're in the front seat trying to drive and it's chaos.For me, that's when I'll blow my top. I'll get louder than their meltdown. And my narrative is: they're not even really upset, they're just turning it on to get whatever they want.Sarah: Classic sibling rivalry. Classic. Like, “How can I get Mom or Dad to show that they love me more than the other kid? Whose side are they gonna intervene on?” That's so classic.Kira came along and pushed Blake out of his preferred position as the baby and the apple of your eye. He had to learn to share you. Is it mostly Kira and Aubrey, or does everything roll downhill with all three?Derrick: It just triangulates and crosses over. They know each other's buttons. And you're right—it's always, “You always take her side. You never—”Sarah: Yes. And whenever you hear the words “always” and “never,” you know someone's triggered. They're not thinking clearly because they're upset and dysregulated.Sibling rivalry, or resentment, whatever you want to call it, is always about: “Who do they love more? Will my needs get met? Do they love me as much as my brother or sister?” That fear is what drives the button-pushing.It doesn't make sense that you'd pick a fight hoping your parent will choose you as the one who's right. But still, it's this drive to create conflict in hopes that you'll be the chosen one.So I could go over my sibling best practices with you guys if you want. That's really helpful for rivalry.Derrick: Yeah.Sarah: Okay. Do you currently have any rules about property or sharing in your house?Laurel: Not officially. I mean—Derrick: We typically will say stuff like, “That's Kira's. If she doesn't want to share it with you, give it back.” But the problem is we have so much community property.Sarah: Okay. That's what I call it: community property. Yeah. So you're doing exactly the right thing with things that belong to one person. They never have to share it if they don't want to, and other people have to ask before they touch it. Perfect.And in terms of community property, I'd suggest you have a rule: somebody gets to use something until they're done. Period. Long turns.I didn't know this when my kids were little, and I had ridiculous song-and-dance with timers—“Okay, you can have it for 10 minutes and then you can have it for 10 minutes.” But that actually increases anxiety. You want to relax into your play, not feel like, “Oh, I've only got this for 10 minutes.”So if it belongs to everyone, the person using it gets to use it as long as they want. And you empathize with the other person: “Oh, I know your brother's been playing with that pogo stick for an hour. It's so hard to wait, isn't it? When it's your turn, you'll have it as long as you want.”So if you have good sharing rules and community property rules right off the bat, you take away a lot of opportunities for resentment to build upDerrick: My biggest question is just how do you intervene when those rules are violated?Sarah: You just calmly say something like, “Oh, I know you really, really wanna play with the pogo stick. You cannot push your brother off of it just because you want a turn.” I'm just making things up here, but the idea is: you can't push your brother off just because you want something. Then you go back to the family rules. You could even make a sign—I actually have one I can send you to print out—that says, “In our family, we get to use it as long as we want.”And then you empathize with the aggressor about how hard it is to wait. Keep going back to the rules and offering lots of empathy. If someone's being difficult, recognize that they're having a hard time.Laurel, when Derrick said, “You always…” or “You never…,” anytime you hear words like that, you know somebody's hijacked by big feelings. That's not the time to make it a teachable moment. Just empathize with the hard time they're having. Nobody ever wants to calm down until they feel empathized with, acknowledged, and heard. You can always talk about it later if something needs to be discussed, but in the moment of heightened tension, just acknowledge feelings: “Oh my goodness, you were doing this thing and then your brother came and took it. This is so hard.”I also have a little ebook with these best practices laid out—I'll send it to you.The third best practice is: always be the moderator, not the negotiator. If there's a fight between the kids, your goal is to help them talk to each other. Don't try to solve it or say who's right or wrong. Even if you're right and careful not to favor one child, your solution will always fuel sibling rivalry. The child who wasn't chosen feels slighted, and the one who was chosen might think, “Dad loves me best.”So my phrase is: “Be Switzerland.” Stay neutral, intervene in a neutral way, and help them talk to each other. Give each child a chance to speak. Do you want to give me an example we can walk through?Derrick: A lot of times it's not even about taking, it's about disrupting. Aubrey has this baby doll she's obsessed with. She carries it everywhere—it looks really real, kind of creepy. Blake will walk by, pull the pacifier out of its mouth, and throw it across the room. Instant meltdown. His thing is, he knows the rules and how to toe the line. He'll say, “I didn't take the baby, I just disrupted it.”Sarah: Right, right.Derrick: And then, “Deal with it.”Sarah: Yeah, okay. So that's not exactly a “be Switzerland” moment, because it's not a two-way fight. He's just provoking his sister to get a rise out of her. That's classic sibling rivalry. It also sounds like he worries you don't love him as much as his sisters. Does he ever say that out loud?Laurel: He has sometimes. His other big thing is he doesn't have a brother, but they have each other. He constantly brings that up.Sarah: That's what I call a chip on his shoulder. When he provokes her like that, it's because he has feelings inside that make him act out. He's not a bad kid; he's having a hard time. Picking fights is often an attempt to get rid of difficult feelings. If we have a bad day and don't process it, we might come home cranky or pick a fight—it's not about the other person, it's about us.So I'd suggest having some heart-to-hearts with Blake, maybe at bedtime. Give him space to process. Say, “It must be really hard to have two little sisters and be the only boy. I bet you wish you had a brother.” Or, “I wonder if it's hard to share me and mom with your sisters. I wonder if it's hard being the oldest.” Share your own stories: “I remember when I was growing up, it was hard to be the big sister.” Or Derrick, you could share what it was like for your older sibling.The same goes for Kira: “It must be hard being in the middle—your big brother gets to do things you can't, and your little sister gets babied more.” The point is to let them express their feelings so they don't have to act them out by provoking.That provocative behavior is just difficult feelings looking for a way out. Your role is to open the door for those feelings. Say things like, “I know this must be hard. I hear you. You can always talk to me about your feelings. All your feelings are okay with me.” And you have to mean it—even if they say things like, “I wish they didn't exist,” or, “I wish you never had that baby.” That's totally normal. Don't be afraid of it. Resist the urge to offer silver linings like, “But sometimes you play so well together.” It's not time for optimism—it's time for listening and acknowledging.You can also say, “I'm sorry if I ever did anything that made you feel like I didn't love you as much as your sisters. I couldn't love anyone more than I love you.” You can say that to each child without lying, because it's true. That reassurance goes to the root of sibling rivalry.Derrick: That's really helpful. I'd love your insight on some of the things we're already doing. Lately, I've realized I spend more time in the girls' room at bedtime. Blake has his own room. He's more self-sufficient—he can read and put himself to sleep. For the past year, I've been reading in the girls' room instead, since they need more wrangling. So I've tried to switch that and spend more time in Blake's room reading with him. We've also started doing “mom dates” or “dad dates” with each kid.Sarah: That's perfect! My final best practice is one-on-one time. You're on the right track. It doesn't have to be a “date.” Special Time is 15 minutes a day with each child, right at home. You don't need to go to the aquarium or spend money. Just say, “I'm all yours for the next 15 minutes—what do you want to play?” Try to keep it play-centered and without screens.Laurel: Sometimes when we call it a “mommy date,” it turns into something big. That makes it hard to do consistently.Sarah: Exactly. You can still do those, but Special Time is smaller and daily. Fifteen minutes is manageable. With little ones, you might need to get creative—for example, one parent watches two kids while the other has Special Time with the third. You could even “hire” Blake to watch Aubrey for a few minutes so you can have time with Kira.Laurel: That makes sense. I did think of an example, though. What frustrates me most isn't sharing, but when they're unkind to each other. I harp on them about family sticking together and being kind. For example, last week at surf camp, both kids had zinc on their faces—Blake was orange, Kira was purple. She was so excited and bubbly that morning, which is unusual for her. In front of neighbor friends, Blake made fun of her purple face. It devastated her. I laid into him, telling him he's her protector and needs to be kind. I don't want to be too hard on him, but I also want him to understand.Sarah: Based on everything we've talked about, you can see how coming down hard on him might make him feel bad about himself and worry that you don't love him—fueling even more resentment. At the same time, of course we don't want siblings hurting each other's feelings. This is where empathic limits come in.You set the limit—“It's not okay to tease your sister because it hurts her feelings”—but you lead with his perspective. You might say, “Hey, I know people with color on their faces can look funny, and maybe you thought it was just a joke. At the same time, that really made your sister feel bad.” That way, you correct him without making him feel like a bad kid.Do you think he was trying to be funny, or was he trying to hurt her?Laurel: I think he was. He'll also reveal secrets or crushes in front of friends—he knows it's ammo.Sarah: Right. In that situation, I'd first empathize with Kira: “I'm so sorry your brother said that—it never feels good to be laughed at.” Then privately with Blake: “What's going on with you that you wanted to make your sister feel bad?” Come at it with curiosity, assuming he's doing the best he can. If he says, “I was just joking,” you can respond, “We need to be more careful with our jokes so they're not at anyone's expense.” That's correcting without shaming.Laurel: I love that. Sometimes I'm trying to say that, but not in a peaceful way, so he can't receive it. Then he asks, “Am I a bad kid?” and I have to backtrack.Sarah: Exactly—skip the part that makes him feel like a bad kid. Sensitive kids don't need much correction—they already feel things deeply. Just get curious.Laurel: That makes sense. Correcting without shaming.Sarah: Yes.Laurel: We also tried something new because of the constant questions. They'll keep asking: “Can I do this? Can I watch a show?” We got tired of repeating no. So now we say, “I don't know yet. Let me think about it. But if you ask again, the answer will be no.” Is that okay?Sarah: I used to say, “If I have to give a quick answer, it's going to be no.” I'd also say, “You can ask me as many times as you want, but the answer will still be no.” With empathy: “I know it's hard to hear no, but it's still no.” Another thing I said was, “It would be so much easier for me to say yes. But I love you enough to say no.” That helped my kids see it wasn't easy for me either.Laurel: That's helpful. Another thing: our kids do so much—they're busy and around people a lot, partly because of our personalities and being pastors. We try to build in downtime at home, but often after a fun day they complain on the way home: “Why do we have to go to bed?” They don't reflect on the fun—they just want more.Sarah: That's totally normal. You could go to an amusement park, eat pizza and ice cream, see a movie, and if you say no to one more thing, they'll say, “We never do anything fun!” Kids are wired to want more. That's evolutionary: quiet kids who didn't ask for needs wouldn't survive. Wanting isn't a problem, and it doesn't mean they'll turn into entitled adults.Kids live in the moment. If you say no to ice cream, they fixate on that, not the whole day. So stay in the moment with them: “You really wanted ice cream. I know it's disappointing we're not having it.” Resist the urge to say, “But we already did all these things.”Laurel: I love that. We even started singing “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman, and now they hate it. It feels like nothing is ever enough.Sarah: That's normal.Laurel: I also want to bring it back to peaceful, no-fear parenting. I can be hard on myself, and I see that in my kids. I don't want that.Sarah: If you don't want your kids to be hard on themselves, model grace for yourself. Say, “I messed up, but I'm still worthy and lovable.” Being hard on yourself means you only feel lovable when you don't make mistakes. We want our kids to know they're lovable no matter what—even when they mess up or bother their siblings. That's true self-worth: being lovable because of who you are, not what you do. That's what gives kids the courage to take risks and not stay small out of fear of failure. They'll learn that from your modeling.Laurel: That makes sense.Sarah: And I've never, ever seen anyone do this work without being compassionate with themselves.Laurel: Hmm. Like—Sarah: You can't beat yourself up and be a peaceful parent.Laurel: Yeah, I know. Because then I'd see them doing it. It's like, no, I don't. Yeah. Yeah. I purposely don't want you guys to be that way. Yeah. That's great. Those are all good things to think about. I think the other questions I can tie back to what you've already answered, like being disrespectful or sassiness creeping in—the talking back kind of stuff. And that's all from, I mean, it stems from not feeling heard, not feeling empathized with.Sarah: Totally. And being hijacked by big feelings—even if it's your own big feelings of not getting what you want. That can be overwhelming and send them into fight, flight, or freeze. Sassiness and backtalk is the fight response. It's the mild fight. They're not screaming, hitting, or kicking, but just using rude talk.Laurel: Hmm. And so same response as a parent with that too? Just be in the moment with their feelings and then move on to talking about why and letting them kind of—Sarah: Yeah. And empathizing. Just like, “Ah, you're really…” Say they're saucy about you not letting them have some ice cream. “You never let me have ice cream! This is so unfair! You're so mean!” Whatever they might say. You can respond, “Ugh, I know, it's so hard. You wish you could have all the ice cream in the freezer. You'd eat the whole carton if you could.” Just recognize what they're feeling. It doesn't have to be a teachable moment about sugar or health. You can just be with them in their hard time about not getting what they want. And they'll get through to the other side—which builds resilience.Laurel: How do you discipline when it's needed—not punish, but discipline? For example, a deliberate rule is broken, somebody gets hurt, or stealing—like when it's clear they know it was wrong?Sarah: You want to help them see how their actions affect other people, property, or the community. That's where they internalize right and wrong. If you give them a punishment for breaking something, that only teaches them how their actions affect them—not how their actions affect others. That makes kids think, “What's in it for me? I better not do this thing because I don't want to get in trouble,” instead of, “I better not do this because it will hurt my sister or disappoint my parents.” So punishments and imposed consequences pull kids away from the real consequences—like someone getting hurt or trust being broken.You really want to help them understand: “The reason why we have this rule is because of X, Y, Z. And when you did this, here's what happened.” If they have a problem with the rule, talk about it together as a family. That works much better than punishment.Laurel: We had an incident at church where our 10-year-old was talking about something inappropriate with another kid. The other parent reached out, and I feel like we handled it okay. We talked with him, he was open, and we discussed what was said. Then we apologized to that parent in person and had a conversation. It didn't feel like we were forcing him to do something bad or shaming him.Sarah: That's good—it's about making a repair. That's always the focus. Without knowing the whole situation, I might not have said apologizing to the parent, because technically the parent wasn't directly involved. But if your son was willing and it felt authentic, that's great. What matters is the outcome: repair. Sometimes parents suggest an apology to make the child feel ashamed so they'll “remember it,” but that's not helpful. The question is: does the apology or repair actually improve the situation? That's what you keep in mind.Laurel: Well, thanks for all your wisdom.Sarah: You're welcome. It was really nice to meet you both.Part 2:Sarah: Welcome back, Laurel and Derek. Thanks for joining again. How have things been since our first coaching call?Laurel: Yeah. I feel like we gained several really good nuggets that we were able to try. One of them was about my daughter in the mornings—not wanting to get dressed, feeling stuck in the middle and left out. I've gotten to stop what I'm doing and pay attention to her. Even this morning, she still had a meltdown, but things went faster by the end compared to me being stubborn and telling her to do it on her own.Sarah: So you dropped your end of the power struggle.Laurel: Yeah. And it felt great because I wasn't frustrated afterward. I could move on right away instead of also blowing up. If we both blow up, it's bad. But if she's the only one, she can snap out of it quickly. I can't as easily, so it usually lingers for me. This way, it was so much better.We've had some challenging parenting moments this week, but looking at them through the lens of making our kids feel worthy and loved helped us respond differently. One thing you said last time—that “the perpetrator needs empathy”—really stuck with me. I always felt like the misbehaving child should feel our wrath to show how serious it was. But we were able to love our kids through a couple of tough situations, and it worked.Derrick: For me, the biggest takeaway was the “kindling” metaphor. I've even shared it with friends. Before, I thought I was being patient, but I was just collecting kindling until I blew up. Now I recognize the kindling and set it down—take a breath, or tell the kids I need a minute. This morning on the way to soccer, I told them I needed a little pity party in the front seat before I could play their game. That helped me calm before reengaging.Sarah: That's fantastic. You recognized you needed to calm yourself before jumping back in, instead of pushing through already-annoyed feelings.Laurel: Yeah. We did have questions moving forward. We had a couple of situations where we knew our kids were lying about something significant. We told them, “We love you, and we need you to tell the truth.” But they denied it for days before finally giving in. How do we encourage truth-telling and open communication?Sarah: Kids usually lie for three reasons: they're afraid of getting in trouble, they feel ashamed or embarrassed, or they're afraid of disappointing you. Sometimes it's all three. So the focus has to be: we might be unhappy with what you did, but we'll just work on fixing it. When they do admit the truth, it's important to say, “I'm so glad you told me.” That helps remove shame.Natural consequences happen without your involvement. If they take money from your wallet, the natural consequence is that you're missing money and trust is broken. But adding punishments just teaches them to hide better next time.Derrick: How do you frame the difference between a consequence and a boundary? Like if they mess up in an environment and we don't let them back into it for a while—is that a consequence or a boundary?Sarah: In peaceful parenting, we talk about limits. If they show they're not ready for a certain freedom, you set a limit to support them—not to punish. A consequence is meant to make them feel bad so they won't repeat it. A limit is about guidance and support.The way to tell: check your tone and your intent. If you're angry and reactive, it will feel punishing even if it's not meant to be. And if your intent is to make them suffer, that's a punishment. If your tone is empathetic and your intent is to support expectations, it's a limit.Derrick: That's helpful. Sometimes we beat ourselves up wondering if we're punishing when we're just setting limits. Your tone-and-intent framework is a good check.Sarah: And if you mess up in the moment, you can always walk it back. Say, “I was really angry when I said that. Let's rethink this.” That models responsibility for when we act out while triggered.Derrick: That's good.Sarah: You mentioned sibling rivalry last time. Did you try the “It's theirs until they're done with it” approach?Derrick: Yes—and it's like a miracle. It worked especially in the car.Sarah: That's great. I know car rides were tricky before.Laurel: What about mantras to help us remember not to let our kids' behavior define us as parents—or as people?Sarah: What you're talking about is shame. It's when we feel unworthy because of our kids' behavior or what others think. We have to separate our worth from our kids' actions. Even if your child is struggling, you're still a good, worthy, lovable person.Laurel: Almost the same thing we say to our kids: “You are worthy and lovable.”Sarah: Exactly. So when you feel yourself going into a shame spiral, remind yourself: “Even though my child did this thing, I am still worthy and lovable.” Hold both truths together.Laurel: Yes. That helps. One last question: mornings. School starts in a day, and we worry every morning will be a struggle with Kira. She resists everything—getting dressed, socks, breakfast. Then she's fine once we're in the car. How can we help her set her own boundaries about mornings?Sarah: It sounds like she gets anxious around transitions. She doesn't do well with being hurried. That anxiety overwhelms her, and she goes into fight mode—pushing back, lashing out.Laurel: Yes, that's exactly it.Sarah: So part of it is adjusting your routine—giving her more time in the morning. But another part is building resilience. The anti-anxiety phrase is: “We can handle this.” Remind her, “Even if it's not going how you wanted, you can handle it. We can do hard things.” Add in laughter to ease tension.And maybe accept that for now, you might need to spend 10 minutes helping her get dressed. That's okay. You can balance it by giving her extra nurturing at other times of the day so she doesn't seek it as much during rushed mornings.Derrick: That's good.Sarah: Thank you both so much. I've loved these conversations.Derrick: Thank you, Sarah.Sarah: You're welcome. It's been wonderful. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

As we count down to the launch of our new book, One Choice Away From Change, we are joined by our good friend, Steve Carter. Steve is the Senior Pastor of Christ Church in Oak Brook, IL and the author of several books including The Thing Beneath the Thing and his latest book, Grieve, Breathe, Receive. You can follow Steve on Instagram HERE You can buy Grieve, Breathe, Receive HERE You can pre-order One Choice Away From Change, HERE

Welcome to the Pinkleton Pull-Aside Podcast. On this podcast, let's step aside from our busy lives to have fun, fascinating life giving conversation with inspiring authors, pastors, sports personalities and other influencers, leaders and followers. Sit back, grab some coffee, or head down the road and let's get the good and the gold from today's guest. Our host is Jeff Pinkleton, Executive Director of the Gathering of the Miami Valley, where their mission is to connect men to men, and men to God. You can reach Jeff at GatheringMV.org or find him on Facebook at The Gathering of the Miami Valley.Jeff is joined this episode by co-host Greg Nerger.Steve Carter is the bestselling author of The Thing Beneath the Thing, a book about learning to allow God to heal our triggers, insecurities, and past wounds so we can experience spiritual health and wholeness. He hosts Craft and Character, a Preaching Today podcast devoted to empowering pastors and church communicators who want to work on their craft while learning to lead with character. He also believes in the power of collaboration and works hard to ensure all who desire to grow in their craft have access to the tools to do so. He utilizes his unique work experiences to serve as a coach at both personal and executive levels.Pastorally, Steve's passion is to bring the way of Jesus into everything he does. From sanctuaries to board rooms to football fields, he believes every moment is brimming with redemptive potential. A gifted teacher, Steve spends his days crafting sermons, messages, blog posts, and books to encourage people in their walk with Christ. He describes his work as humbling and vulnerable—a soul-baring process that keeps him dependent, expectant, and grounded in Christ.Steve serves as a teaching pastor at Forest City Church and regularly teaches at churches, conferences, and various businesses worldwide. He lives outside Chicago, Illinois, with his wife and two kids.

Pastor Dustin wraps up our Thing Beneath The Thing series today with a message on God's grace.   Website: https://journeychristian.com New Here? https://journeychristian.com/new Need Prayer? https://journeychristian.com/prayer  Next Steps: https://journeychristian.com/nextsteps  Instagram: https://instagram.com/fljourneychurch Facebook https://www.facebook.com/fljourneychurch

Pastor Dustin Aagaard continues The Thing Beneath. The Thing series today diving more into insecurities and narratives.   Website: https://journeychristian.com New Here? https://journeychristian.com/new Need Prayer? https://journeychristian.com/prayer  Next Steps: https://journeychristian.com/nextsteps  Facebook & Instagram @fljourneychurch 

Guest Speaker and Author, Pastor Steve Carter, kicks off our new message series called The Thing Beneath the Thing Website: https://journeychristian.com New Here? https://journeychristian.com/new Need Prayer? https://journeychristian.com/prayer  Next Steps: https://journeychristian.com/nextsteps  Facebook & Instagram @fljourneychurch 

Steve Carter- The Divine Conspiracy Ch 6 (071)   Steve Carter joins us on the podcast again today. Steve is the best selling author of the book, The Thing Beneath the Thing, he hosts a podcast about the intersection of the craft of preaching and who we are becoming called Craft and Character, he's a coach to communicators, and is a Teaching Pastor at Forest City Church.    Steve and I first talk briefly about his newest book, Grieve, Breathe, Receive. We then talk about the sixth chapter of The Divine Conspiracy where we tackle how he stalked Dallas during college, our shadow sides and false selves, being honest about our motivations, intentional spiritual disciplines that we engage in, making decisions from trust rather than fear, and not bypassing the wilderness. Steve gives us a gift in our conversation today.    Steve's Website Grieve, Breathe, Receive - Steve's Newest Book Steve on Instagram Craft and Character Podcast   The Divine Conspiracy - Book Audiobook for the Divine Conspiracy on Spotify   The Divine Conspiracy Project Info and Reading Plan   ------------------ To help support Mike and his work, which includes this podcast, as well as his ability to offer discounted coaching, consulting and preaching to churches, you can make tax-deductible donations to: “WE Ministries” And mail it to: Mike Goldsworthy 6285 E. Spring St #474 Long Beach, CA 90808  

Think of a time in your life . . . maybe that time is right now . . . when you were grieving something. Maybe it was the loss of a loved one. Maybe it was the death of a dream, a betrayal . . . maybe it was even something as simple as a change in a routine. What did you do with that grief? For so many people, maybe even for you, the answer to that question is . . . nothing. And if you're honest, maybe it's still affecting you today. That's the reality for so, so many people – we haven't been taught how to grieve. Grief is unavoidable so we should spend time to learn how to process it in a healthy way. In this episode of Doable Discipleship, host Jason Wieland is joined by Steve Carter. Steve is the best-selling author of The Thing Beneath the Thing and his latest book, Grieve, Breathe, Receive. In this conversation, Jason talks with Steve about his personal history having to learn how to grieve, how to process through a Grieve, Breathe, Receive framework (and what it has to do with Holy Week), how to grieve relationally, and so much more. Doable Discipleship is a Saddleback Church podcast produced and hosted by Saddleback Church Content Development Pastor Jason Wieland. It premiered in 2017 and now offers more than 350 episodes. Episodes release every Tuesday on your favorite podcast app and on the Saddleback Church YouTube Channel (https://www.youtube.com/saddleback). Doable Discipleship is a proud part of the Saddleback Family of Podcasts. To learn more about the Saddleback Family of Podcasts, visit saddleback.com/podcasts. Resources From This Episode: Grieve, Breathe, Receive - https://www.amazon.com/Grieve-Breathe-Receive-Finding-Strong/dp/0785235612The Thing Beneath the Thing - https://www.amazon.com/Thing-Beneath-Whats-Hidden-Inside/dp/0785235531Related Doable Discipleship Episodes:Living a Non-Anxious Life - https://share.transistor.fm/s/16f6618dThe Burden and Gift of Living - https://share.transistor.fm/s/5b6dd3d3What to Do When Life Seems Beyond Your Control - https://share.transistor.fm/s/537f8363How to Endure Hardship - https://share.transistor.fm/s/2549dba0

In this episode I interview Steve Carter, the bestselling author of The Thing Beneath the Thing, a book about learning to allow God to heal our triggers, insecurities, and past wounds so we can experience spiritual health and wholeness. We talked about his experience at Willow Creek, healing from wounds in life and "church hurt" along with insights from his upcoming book Grieve, Breathe, Receive: Finding a Faith Strong Enough to Hold Us. If you are in the Austin area, join us for The Men's Gathering on April 13th featuring Steve Carter, Gaylon Clark (Senior Pastor at Greater Mount Zion Church), and Carlos Oritz, Jr. (Senior Pastor at Gateway Church). REGISTER HERE THE POST-CHRISTIAN PODCAST AND GIVEAWAYS: Our goal with The Post-Christian Podcast is to reframe, simplify, and focus on our mission to make disciples in a post Christian culture. We discuss reaching new people and raising up leaders while removing the barriers of churchianity. Be sure to sign up for my email newsletter at www.ericbryant.org for a chance to win future book giveaways and assessments! Subscribe, Rate, and Review The Post-Christian Podcast at Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.com/@ericbryant777. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/eric-bryant1/support

It's easy to compartmentalize our faith and our work – even when we feel called to the businesses we're entrusted to steward and grow.   But what happens when you actively integrate your faith into the meaningful work you're called to?   My guest on this episode of BEYOND, Steve Carter, believes it gives you an unfair advantage.    Steve was a recent guest pastor at my own church, and the message he shared several weeks ago was so compelling, so convicting, that I knew while listening that Sunday morning that I was supposed to invite him to explore this topic with us as a guest here on the show. And I'm so grateful that he said yes.   Steve Carter is a pastor, speaker, author, podcast host, sports enthusiast, and the former lead teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. Steve is a gifted communicator and storyteller and one of my favorite parts about this conversation is to simplify what can often feel like a complex topic – what it looks like to access your faith to the extent that it truly becomes active in every part of your life – every role, every relationship, everything you do – and why, as mothers and wives and business owners, that gives us an unfair advantage.   Steve Carter is a pastor, speaker, author, podcast host, sports enthusiast, and the former lead teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago.   On this episode of BEYOND, you'll learn:   How a major in film led Steve to a career in storytelling and ministry Why we can easily separate our faith from the work we're called to – and how we can get lost in the process The importance of trusting what others see in you beyond what you might believe about yourself when it comes to your gifts How trust in God can build safety and consistency into our businesses How the trap of a never-ending to-do list can easily lead our faith to become “another box to check off” What it looks like to stop “white-knuckling” your life and business  What shifts when you see your business not as YOURS, but as God's business that He has entrusted to you What it looks like to access and integrate the Holy Spirit into the work of motherhood and beyond How our longing for speed and efficiency has put us at odds with the Holy Spirit (and leads us to feel disconnected and unfulfilled) Why your faith is your superpower in a culture that says to work harder, try harder and do more The 5 different directions God leads us to help us grow The connection between our health, our peace and being willing to admit how much we don't know    Important links for this episode: Visit Steve Carter's website Connect with Steve on IG Listen to Steve's Podcast: Craft and Character Steve's book: The Thing Beneath the Thing I'm continuously amazed by the ways God works through our businesses to grow us both personally and spiritually, and am thankful for Steve sharing with us what it looks like to fully integrate our faith into our work life. If you're tired of spinning your wheels and you're ready for mindset and business support that will help you simplify and create the kind of life and business you're excited to wake up to, the kind that serves not only your clients but you and your family well, I want to invite you to apply for private 1:1 coaching. Working with me privately is kind of like having a business therapist, marketing strategist and personal trainer for your brain all-in-one. Your next step is to apply for coaching at beckyhoschek.com/apply. There, you'll answer some questions about your business, where you are right now and where you'd like to be moving forward, and if I'm confident I can help you get there, I'll invite you to a call where we can talk all the details and get your questions answered so that you can  make the best decision for you. Apply for private, 1:1 coaching today at beckyhoschek.com/apply.

This week kicks off our new series, The Thing Beneath The Thing, based off the book by Steve Carter. Today Steve encouraged us that the grace of Jesus meets us in our brokenness to make us holy, whole, and spiritually healthy.Check out the links below for some important info! (https://slocity.church/im-new) - Click here to fill out a connect card if you're new (https://slocity.church/this-week) - Click here to jump into community(https://subsplash.com/slocitychurch/app) - Click here to download the app and stay connected (https://slocity.church/give) - We dream of being a generous church that trusts God fully and makes a difference. If God has put it on your heart to give, click the link above.

What do you do when you're set up to be the successor of the lead pastor of one of the biggest and most well-known churches in the world and suddenly everything comes crashing down? What do you do when it becomes clear that the beloved pastor you were meant to follow has been found to be abusive toward women—and the church's leadership fails to take responsibility for the systems that allowed that?What do you do?This is exactly the situation that Steve Carter faced.  Steve was set to succeed Bill Hybels at Willow Creek Church in Chicago.  And when news broke of the things Hybels had done, Steve had to make a decision.  Would he stay and become complicit in the system that made Hybels' abuse possible?  Or would he step away and let go of everything that to this point had given him a sense of value and meaning?Today, Steve Carter is the pastor of Forest City Church outside Chicago And the author of The Thing Beneath the Thing: What's Hidden Inside (and What God Helps Us Do About It).THIS EPISODE'S HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE:Steve Carter and Markus Watson walked the Camino de Santiago together in October 2022 as part of the Journey Home cohort led by Jon Huckins.Steve Carter met Bill Hybels while interning with Rob Bell.Steve joined the staff of Willow Creek Church and was soon tapped to succeed Bill Hybels as pastor of the church.Eventually, Steve found out (from his book editor!) that a story was going to come out about Bill Hybels.Ultimately, Steve resigned from Willow Creek because the story of Bill Hybels' history of abuse was being mishandled by the leadership.  Steve felt that by staying he would have been complicit.Leaving Willow Creek was incredibly difficult and painful for Steve.It was while walking the Camino de Santiago that Steve Carter was finally able to say, “I love Bill Hybels.”Markus Watson shares about his experience of healing and transformation and healing while on the Camino de Santiago.According to Steve Carter, we need to respond to the reality of suffering in three ways:Past:  Practice forgiveness for what has happened.Present:  Rely on your core values—because you're not going to make everyone happy.Future:  Prepare and practice for what may come.RELEVANT RESOURCES AND LINKS:Steve Carter:Forest City ChurchCraft and Character podcastBooks mentioned:The Thing Beneath the Thing, by Steve CarterJourney Home: A Pilgrimmage for MenLearn how to lead your church into ministry that matters. Check out my online course, Engaging God's Mission.

Message from Pastor Steve Carter on April 30, 2023

What holds us back from living life Whole and Holy? That's the question Steve Carter answers in his latest book, entitled The Thing Beneath the Thing. Mike sits down with pastor, author, speaker, podcaster Steve Carter to talk about those potholes in our life's journey that often keep us from seeing everything God makes available to us – His grace, peace, and wholeness.Steve Carter is a pastor, speaker, author, podcast host, sports enthusiast, and the former lead teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. Steve's passion is to bring Jesus into everything he does. A gifted teacher, Steve spends his days crafting sermons, messages, blog posts, and books to encourage people in their walk with Christ. He describes his work as humbling and vulnerable—a soul-baring process that keeps him dependent, expectant, and grounded in Christ. Steve lives in Phoenix, AZ, with his wife, Sarah, and their two kids.

What holds us back from living life Whole and Holy? That's the question Steve Carter answers in his latest book, entitled The Thing Beneath the Thing. Mike sits down with pastor, author, speaker, podcaster Steve Carter to talk about those potholes in our life's journey that often keep us from seeing everything God makes available to us – His grace, peace, and wholeness.Steve Carter is a pastor, speaker, author, podcast host, sports enthusiast, and the former lead teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. Steve's passion is to bring Jesus into everything he does. A gifted teacher, Steve spends his days crafting sermons, messages, blog posts, and books to encourage people in their walk with Christ. He describes his work as humbling and vulnerable—a soul-baring process that keeps him dependent, expectant, and grounded in Christ. Steve lives in Phoenix, AZ, with his wife, Sarah, and their two kids.

The Thing Beneath the Thing - John Fanous - (October 30 2022)

In Romans 7:15, Paul writes: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Isn't that so relatable? Sometimes we find ourselves getting frustrated at our loved ones, exaggerating the truth, or trying to escape a difficult situation, and we wonder what is motivating our behavior. Today, my friend, Steve Carter, is here on the podcast to talk with us about his book, “The Thing Beneath the Thing.” In it, Steve talks about triggers, habits, and narratives that are powerfully rooted beneath the surface, how we can recognize them, and step into greater levels of wholeness. I think this is super applicable for us perfection-ditchers, because I don't think we really want to be perfectionists, right? We don't want to give people pleasing power in our workplaces, friendships, and families. But those sneaky habits weave their way into normalcy. So, I think this episode will be helpful and encouraging… and I hope you pick up his book if you haven't read it already! Before we dive into the conversation, I want to tell you a little bit about Steve. Steve Carter is someone who I have learned from and respected for a long time. I listened to him regularly while he was the Teaching Pastor at Willow Creek. I watched him, from afar, handle difficult situations in his church with great integrity and honor. Then, a few years ago, Steve came and spent a week with us at the church where I was serving at the time. Mike and I picked him up from the airport, took him out to lunch, and chatted for a few hours about preaching, supporting women in ministry… and of course, he and Mike chatted A LOT about the NBA. :) Steve is the real deal. He's authentic. He's willing to make hard choices to stand with those on the margins. He's one of the most incredible communicators of the Gospel I've ever heard. He's quick to encourage and call out the best in others. And I am grateful to call him my friend.

Kevin Krueger spoke with Pastor Steve Carter, author of “The Thing Beneath The Thing”.

Our guest today, Jason Wilson, is a prolific coach to many men, young and old, across the nation. He says, "Strength depends on the physical ability of the body, but power is based on the spiritual rule over the body." For decades, Jason Wilson was losing the war within—the internal battle that many men wage daily but were never taught how to win. As a result, he could not combat his toxic thoughts and emotions. Instead, he was conquered by them and communicated without composure—hurting those he loved and himself. This went on until he renewed his mind by releasing years of past trauma. His life and relationships were transformed when he learned how to master his emotions and express them with self-control. In the process, Jason became a better husband, father, and leader. And today, you'll hear from Jason and learn how to do the same. If you enjoy this episode with Jason, I'm sure you'll also enjoy: 255: Triggered and Insecure? It's the Thing Beneath the Thing. (feat. Steve Carter) 250: Louie Giglio on The Battle for Your Mind Episode Links: Jason's Website | Facebook | Instagram | Buy Jason's New Book Subscribe to #WinTodayShow on YouTube. Join the conversation wherever hashtags are welcome using #WinTodayShow. Get the brand-new "Win the Week" email newsletter here. Connect with The Art of Leadership Network of podcasts here.

Dr. Corey Latta discusses his experiences with toxic workplaces from corporate to higher education, explaining that while toxicity comes in different shapes and flavors, all such environments lack one major ingredient: people centeredness. He offers wise and empowering guidance for those navigating toxic workplaces and in the end, we discuss the ways healing, growth, and inner work (and lack thereof) may shape our career choices. Find Corey on LinkedIn at Corey Latta, PhD and check out his blog, The Thing Beneath at https://thethingbeneath.com.

Author and pastor Steve Carter joins Jason Wieland and Linda Tokar to talk about The Thing Beneath The Thing… Steves new book. When the unexpected happens, as it does in all of us, how do you respond to the change that you didn't see coming? How do you see God in the midst of the hard times? Steve explains how you can't achieve your way out of something, and that you have to grieve your way through it. These thoughts and more are a part of this fascinating conversation. For complete show notes, click HERE

(00:00-8:17): Brian and Aubrey reflected on the life of Saint Patrick.  “10 Facts About St Patrick” “The Prayer of Saint Patrick” (8:17-20:50): Steve Carter, Pastor, Speaker, and Author, joined Brian and Aubrey to talk about his book, “The Thing Beneath the Thing: What's Hidden Inside (and What God Helps Us Do About It).” Steve will be speaking at the AM 1160 LIFT Event on Tuesday March 29th at Judson University. This is a free event for pastors and ministry leaders. You can learn more and register at 1160hope.com Learn more about Steve and his book at stevecarter.org and connect with him on Twitter at @steveryancarter (20:50-29:21): On this episode of The Social Media Water Cooler, Brian and Aubrey talked about songs they love to sing in the car. (29:21-37:23): Natalie Rodriguez, Executive Director of Hopeful Beginnings of St. Mary's, joined Brian and Aubrey to talk about the counseling services they offer to those experiencing grief and loss after a miscarriage.  Learn more about Hopeful Beginnings at hopefulbeginning.org or call 847-870-8181 And tune in to Hopeful Beginnings Sundays at 12pm (CT) on AM 1160 Hope for Your Life. (37:23-45:15): Brian and Aubrey shared their thoughts on Mark Galli's blog post, “A Response to the Christianity Today Article.” They also reflected on Timothy Dalrymple's Christianity Today editorial, “We Fell Short in Protecting Our Employees.” (45:15-55:39): Christie Anthony, Director of Operations for SOS International, and Hannah Weehunt, Director of Marketing for SOS International, joined Aubrey to share about the ministry impact of SOS International.  Give online at 1160hope.com or call 866-343-4717 (55:39-1:05:26): Aubrey hosted a St. Patrick's Day Quiz with Brian and special guest, Kevin Sampson, Aubrey's husband and the Lead Pastor of Renewal Church in West Chicago.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Steve Carter is a pastor, speaker, author, podcast host, sports enthusiast, and the former lead teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. Steve's passion is to bring Jesus into everything he does. A gifted teacher, Steve spends his days crafting sermons, messages, blog posts, and books to encourage people in their walk with Christ. He describes his work as humbling and vulnerable—a soul-baring process that keeps him dependent, expectant, and grounded in Christ. He lives in Phoenix, AZ, with his wife, Sarah, and their two kids. Steve hosts the Craft & Character podcast where he helps people get better at the art of communication while ensuring their character always leads the way. Steve also co-hosts one of the top sports podcasts, The Home Team podcast, with NFL players Trey Burton and Sam Acho, which unpacks the intersection between faith, culture, sports, and family. His latest book, The Thing Beneath The Thing, is now available wherever books are sold. NEXT STEPS MENTIONED IN THIS VIDEO: 1. Get the book The Thing Beneath the Thing. 2. Find him at stevecarter.org. 3. Find him on Twitter @steveryancarter. TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO: – Intro – Lack of Awareness – Potholes and Triggers – What and Why – The Thing Beneath the Thing – Indoctrinated Against You – When Triggered, Choose to Courageous Curiosity – Triggers – Hideouts – Insecurity – Narrative – Grace – Practical Terms – Break Down How-To – You Will Live with Integrity to Where You Find Your Identity – Keep Pulling the Thread of Who You Are – Who Am I? Why Am I? What Do I Do? – Proper Mental Health – How Has this Work Affected Your Life? – What Does Being Unstoppable Mean to You? – What Legacy Do You Want to Leave? ABOUT ME: Hi, I'm Stephen Scoggins. After fighting from homelessness and depression to build multiple businesses employing hundreds of amazing people, I've learned a lot about what it really takes to overcome your limitations and build your dream life. Now, my goal is to help 1 million people get from where they are today, to where they want to be in life. To help with that, I'm releasing videos on this channel several times per week and posting regularly on social media. On this YouTube channel, I interview the world's foremost thought leaders on what it takes to master your life. I also have a library of free resources, downloadable eBooks, and personality tests to help you become the person you always wanted to be. Just check out my websites below! MASTER YOUR LIFE WITH FREE RESOURCES: My website: https://www.stephenscoggins.com Free eBooks & Resources: https://www.stephenscoggins.com/resources My Blog: https://stephenscoggins.com/blog/ Stuck to Unstoppable Podcast: https://stephenscoggins.com/stuck-to-unstoppable/ CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephen_scoggins/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stephenscoggins/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephenscoggins Twitter: https://twitter.com/stephen_scoggin

One of the most important things you can do is guard your heart above all else. Pat sits down with Steve Carter, who helps us get to “The Thing Beneath the Thing.” With his helpful tips and tricks, we can start the process of becoming whole, holy, and healthy. To learn more from Steve Carter and read his book, “The Thing Beneath the Thing,” head over to stevecarter.org

I sit down with Steve Carter, former lead teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church. Steve is author of the recent release, The Thing Beneath the Thing, plus a speaker, podcaster and founder of Craft and Character. We discuss finishing well, what he's telling leaders right now, why he moved to the desert, the power of being known and more. Plus, the October Top Ten List is revealed including the top recommendations on podcasts, books, voices, articles and music. Make sure to check out http://h3leadership.com to access the list and all the show notes. Thanks again to our partners for this episode: Vive Media—your outsourced creative director all-in-one. Need help with graphic and website design, video editing or social media strategies? Partner with Vive Media. Save $100 off your first month by using the code H3Leader when registering at http://vivemedia.co. And, the Impact Conference—grow as a leader for FREE by attending the Impact Leadership Conference, hosted by Highlands College in Birmingham, AL. Happening Wednesday, December 8th, 2021. Learn from leadership expert John Maxwell, Chris Hodges and more. Register today to attend free of charge! Secure your spot at http://impactleader.com/h3.

Join Evan Owens and special guest Steve Carter as they get to "The Thing Beneath The Thing". Let's take an honest look at the things that we do and responses we have that we don't understand.  To learn more about how you can find hope after trauma, please visit our website at www.rebootrecovery.com, on ourFacebook page or email us at show@rebootrecovery.com.”

In this conversation we talk about his new book, “The Thing Beneath the Thing,” his journey of being a part of some of the most influential churches in the U.S. and how we can uncover the pain hidden in the depths of our life.

We take a humorous look at news and life with friend and colleague Patrick Albanese. Then Bill is joined by author of The Thing Beneath the Thing pastor Steve Carter to discuss Psalm 106:20 and our willingness to exchange our glory.

Speaker, pastor, and author Steve Carter helps us explore “The Thing Beneath the Thing: What is hidden inside and what God helps us to do about it.”  Steve has a brilliant and winsome way of translating deep truths into our actual lives. A tender and really helpful conversation.

Today on the pod, Steve and Sam discuss a variety of topics including Simone Biles withdrawing from the Olympics, Caeleb Dressel's reaction after winning the Gold Medal, Texas and Oklahoma moving to the SEC and Aaron Rodgers press conference. Follow us on Instagram: @HomeTeam_Pod @TheSamAcho @TreyBurton8 @SteveRyanCarter You can order Sam's book "Let the World See You" here. You can pre-order Steve's new book "The Thing Beneath the Thing" here.

We all have potholes in our life stories, and if they go unaddressed, they quickly become sinkholes that create collateral damage. We must get after the thing beneath the thing and get emotionally honest about why we do the things we do. God is relentless in His pursuit of our wholeness. This is His grace – His deep longing to make us whole, holy, and spiritually healthy.

Steve Carter • Our Next Guest • Esther 3

Today on the pod, Steve, Trey and Sam share some big news from Mr. Acho's world. We also look at the success of Tampa sports and Trey's experience taking his daughter to her first hockey game. Lastly, we discuss Sha'Carri Richardson's suspension from the Summer Olympics. Follow us on Instagram: @HomeTeam_Pod @TheSamAcho @TreyBurton8 @SteveRyanCarter You can order Sam's book "Let the World See You" here. You can pre-order Steve's new book "The Thing Beneath the Thing" here.

Today on the pod, Steve and Trey return with Sam to talk Olympic qualifying, giving glory to God, finding closure in sports and the new NCAA NIL rule. We also ask the question: "Which college athlete would be the highest paid of all-time?" Follow us on Instagram: @HomeTeam_Pod @TheSamAcho @TreyBurton8 @SteveRyanCarter You can order Sam's book "Let the World See You" here. You can pre-order Steve's new book "The Thing Beneath the Thing" here.

Today on the pod, Sam rides solo and provides an amazing update on his charity work with Athletes for Justice. We also talk about spiritual formation and how "practice" is something we should all embrace. Follow us on Instagram: @HomeTeam_Pod @TheSamAcho @TreyBurton8 @SteveRyanCarter You can order Sam's book "Let the World See You" on KINDLE for just $2.99 here. You can pre-order Steve's new book "The Thing Beneath the Thing" here.

Today on the pod, Steve, Sam and Trey discuss the Russell Westbrook/Popcorn incident, the rules in trash talking and how to handle conflict. Trey also shares an epic Bill Belichick story. Follow us on Instagram: @HomeTeam_Pod @TheSamAcho @TreyBurton8 @SteveRyanCarter - Order Steve's new book "The Thing Beneath the Thing"