Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Stearns Mandel

Send us a textImagine a world where our most vulnerable babies are protected without automatically severing their connection to their family. That's the vision Lauren Seager-Smith brings as Chief Executive of the For Baby's Sake Trust, where they're revolutionizing responses to domestic abuse during pregnancy and early childhood.The numbers are staggering: approximately 50,000 babies under two are referred to social care in England each year due to domestic abuse, with 2,000 entering out-of-home care. Each placement costs taxpayers £281,000 annually—but that's just the economic cost. The human toll is immeasurable.Lauren shares how their innovative program works therapeutically with both parents from pregnancy through the baby's second birthday. Unlike traditional approaches that focus exclusively on mothers or default to family separation, they engage fathers who use abusive behaviors while simultaneously supporting mothers and protecting children. What makes this approach particularly effective is its recognition that pregnancy represents a critical intervention point where many parents are highly motivated to change.The program reveals profound insights about intergenerational trauma. Among participating parents, 73% of fathers and 74% of mothers have experienced six or more adverse childhood experiences themselves. "For many of our fathers, they want a different story for their baby," Lauren explains. This motivation becomes the foundation for intensive work around emotional regulation, trauma processing, and building attunement with their infant.Perhaps most striking is the economic case for prevention. At approximately £9,000 per year per family—versus £281,000 for a child in care—programs like For Baby's Sake offer a fiscally responsible alternative to our current crisis-response systems. Yet despite this clear math, governments continue prioritizing expensive reactive measures over prevention.This conversation challenges us to think differently about protecting children. Can we create systems that hold those who use violence accountable while supporting their capacity to change? Can we recognize the profound connection between maternal and child welfare without placing impossible burdens on mothers? Most importantly, can we find the courage to invest in prevention, even when immediate crises demand our attention?Join us for this thought-provoking discussion that reimagines what's possible when we truly commit to breaking cycles of harm and supporting healthy family connections from the very beginning of life.Learn more at: https://forbabyssake.org.uk/ Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Visit the Safe & Together Institute websiteStart taking Safe & Together Institute courses Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a textWhat if ending violence against women isn't just about asking men to stop bad behavior, but inviting them to embrace a more meaningful definition of strength and leadership? This question forms the heart of our powerful conversation with Jackson Katz, Ph.D., one of the world's foremost male voices in the movement to prevent gender-based violence.Katz joins us to discuss his groundbreaking new book "Every Man: Why Violence Against Women is a Men's Issue"—the first book published by a major publisher addressing men's violence with men as a primary target audience. With decades of experience pioneering bystander intervention training and educating on these issues, Katz offers profound insights into why this particular moment demands men's full engagement with ending violence against women.Together, we explore how masculinity is "policed" through social mechanisms that keep thoughtful men silent. The modern lexicon of shame—terms like "simp," "cuck," and "beta male"—serves to isolate men who might otherwise speak out against misogyny or violence. Yet Katz argues persuasively that true strength isn't demonstrated through domination but through moral courage, resilience, and standing against injustice.We delve into how traditional mental health approaches often fail to address violence, how some of the most prominent voices speaking to men today actively undermine healthy masculinity, and why institutional accountability must accompany individual leadership. Particularly riveting is Katz's argument that prevention work must be framed as a leadership expectation, not merely an optional hope.This conversation doesn't shy away from uncomfortable truths—including how patriarchal systems harm men themselves through what Katz calls "the triad of men's violence": violence against women, violence against other men, and violence against themselves. Yet it ends with an affirming vision of how men and women, with their fundamentally similar emotional makeups, can find connection instead of conflict.Whether you're a survivor, a male ally, or someone seeking to understand these issues more deeply, this episode offers invaluable perspectives on creating a world where all people can live without violence or threat.Read more about Jackson's work here: https://www.jacksonkatz.com/ Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Visit the Safe & Together Institute websiteStart taking Safe & Together Institute courses Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a textWhen Bruce Bieber's phone rang at 2:50 AM, his world shattered. Three deputies stood at his door with news that his daughter Abby, a dedicated police officer known for her compassion and professionalism, had been murdered by her boyfriend – a fellow officer with a documented history of domestic violence that had been systematically minimized by their department.This powerful conversation exposes the deadly consequences of law enforcement's failure to address domestic violence within their ranks. Bruce shares how his daughter's killer had previously threatened another girlfriend at gunpoint, yet received only a token reprimand to "stop dating her" rather than facing criminal charges or meaningful discipline. This pattern of protection enabled him to continue serving while posing a lethal threat to those closest to him.The discussion delves into what experts call the "data desert" surrounding officer-involved domestic violence (OIDV) – the deliberate lack of tracking and transparency that shields departments from accountability. With estimates suggesting 40-60% of officers may perpetrate domestic abuse, this creates a horrifying reality where victims call 911 only to have their cases potentially handled by officers who are abusers themselves.We examine how well-intentioned policies like zero-tolerance rules and firearms restrictions for domestic abusers can backfire, sometimes discouraging reporting rather than promoting safety. Bruce advocates for pattern-based approaches that allow departments to address concerning behaviors before they escalate to violence, potentially saving lives like his daughter's.For survivors trapped in relationships with law enforcement officers, Bruce offers hard-earned wisdom: recognize the warning signs, understand that leaving is the most dangerous time, and connect with experts who can help create a comprehensive safety plan. His message resonates with the urgency of someone who's lost everything and is determined that no other family should experience this preventable tragedy.If you're concerned about domestic violence in your community or workplace, join us in demanding accountability, transparency, and change. Together, we can ensure that those who wear the badge truly protect and serve all members of society – including their own families.Other OIDV Related EpisodesEpisode 27: “How much crime are you willing to let your police commit?”Episode 26: Listening to the voices of survivors of officer-involved dom Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Visit the Safe & Together Institute websiteStart taking Safe & Together Institute courses Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a textDavid Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel share highlights from the 2025 Safe & Together Asia Pacific Coercive Control and Children's Conference in Melbourne, Australia. Listen in as they reflect on key moments and the impact of bringing together over 400 practitioners from across the region. Here are some of the highlights: • Commitment to equity through a hybrid format that allowed participation from remote locations despite the technical and financial challenges• First-ever family law track showcasing four years of work with the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia• Launch of e-learning resources for independent Children's Lawyers that will reach over 1,200 practitioners• Focus on decolonizing practice and centering indigenous perspectives through keynote speakers like Aboriginal lawyer Amanda Morgan• Workshop on ethically including survivor expertise in organizations without exploitation or tokenism Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Visit the Safe & Together Institute websiteStart taking Safe & Together Institute courses Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a textIn this episode, David and Ruth speak with Dr. Annie Donaldson about her groundbreaking research examining domestic abuse in Scotland's rural, remote and island communities. Dr. Donaldson, an honorary research fellow at the University of Strathclyde and longtime expert in gender-based violence, shares insights from interviews with survivors and professionals about the unique dynamics of domestic abuse in small, interconnected communities.Key topics include:The "paradox of proximity" - how physical isolation combines with close social connections to create unique challenges for survivors in rural areasHow community connections can be both supportive and entrapping for survivors experiencing domestic abuseHow perpetrators exploit small community dynamics and relationships to maintain controlThe incredible protective efforts of survivors, including maintaining children's routines and wellbeing despite multiple forced movesThe impact of the Safe & Together Model in helping professionals challenge victim-blaming attitudes and better support survivorsDr. Donaldson discusses how traditional social work approaches focused solely on "problem-solving" often miss the emotional realities and strengths of survivors including: Validating and building on survivors' existing protective effortsRecognizing how historical distrust of authorities impacts help-seekingUsing technology and remote options to increase accessibilityThis episode provides vital insights for any professional working with survivors in rural, remote or close-knit communities while highlighting the universal dynamics of entrapment that transcend geography.Resources:Safe & Together Family & Friends Ally GuideDr. Annie Donaldson's research blog on rural domestic abuseThe story of Glasgow's Magdalene Institution by Dr. Anni DonaldsonJoin us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now! Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Visit the Safe & Together Institute websiteStart taking Safe & Together Institute courses Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a text"Single mothers are essentially the unofficial reserve army of prevention agents in this country and around the world." - Jess HillIn this episode, David and Ruth speak with Australian experts Jess Hill and Professor Michael Salter about their groundbreaking paper challenging current approaches to preventing gender-based violence. With Australia's commitment to end gender-based violence within a generation, yet concerning increases in sexual violence and domestic homicides, this timely discussion explores why traditional prevention strategies focused on changing social norms and attitudes have fallen short.Key points discussed include:The limitations of measuring prevention success through attitude surveys rather than actual reductions in violenceWhy structural interventions and accountability are essential alongside education effortsThe need to focus resources on high-risk scenarios and populations, particularly traumatized youthHow systems often fail to provide practical help when survivors, especially young people, disclose abuseThe importance of shifting from "calling out" to "calling in" approaches when addressing harmful behaviorsWhy prevention efforts must acknowledge the reality that most people have been impacted by violence rather than assuming a "clean slate"Related episodes:Season 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Jess HillAdditional Resources:See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Abuse by Jess HillChildlight Research Centre - University of New South WalesJoin us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now! Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Visit the Safe & Together Institute websiteStart taking Safe & Together Institute courses Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a textIn this episode, David and Ruth explore why coercive control must be at the center of how we understand the impact of domestic abuse on children. Moving beyond just focusing on physical violence or whether children "witnessed" abuse, they discuss how perpetrators' patterns of behavior can devastate children's wellbeing in multiple ways.David and Ruth examine how coercive control by perpetrators can rob children of vital resources including economic stability, healthcare, education, family connections, and safety. They discuss how these patterns intersect with systemic oppression and vulnerabilities, creating additional layers of harm that perpetrators exploit.The conversation highlights how a coercive control framework helps professionals better assess perpetrators' harmful parenting choices, understand survivors' protective efforts, and make more informed decisions about child safety. The hosts emphasize the importance of documenting specific harms to children and challenging perpetrators who use culture or religion to justify control.They emphasize that the costs of not addressing these issues - in terms of children's wellbeing and broader societal impact - are too high to ignore.Related EpisodesSeason 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Researcher Dr. Emma KatzSeason 2 Episode 10: Trauma-Informed Is Not The Same As Domestic Violence-Informed: A Conversation About The Intersection Of Domestic Violence Perpetration, Mental Health & AddictionSeason 1 Episode 1: Coercive Control And ConsentJoin us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now! Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Visit the Safe & Together Institute websiteStart taking Safe & Together Institute courses Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a textIn this thought-provoking first episode of 2025, David and Ruth explore how displacement-based responses to domestic violence reflect and reinforce gender double standards while often creating additional vulnerabilities for survivors and their children. Recording from the Azores, they examine how the expectation that victims must leave their homes to find safety places unfair burdens on survivors while failing to hold perpetrators accountable.Key discussion points include:How displacement-based responses arose historically when women had limited legal and economic rightsWhy forcing survivors to leave their homes, financial assets, and support networks creates new vulnerabilitiesHow displacement can enable post-separation coercive control and increase risks to childrenThe limitations of defining "safety" only in terms of immediate physical danger or lethalityWhy systems need to expand their definition of safety to include stability, wellbeing, and survivor autonomyHow child protection and other systems can inadvertently punish survivors who don't leave while failing to hold perpetrators accountable for creating unsafe conditionsDavid and Ruth discuss concrete ways to move beyond displacement-based practices, including:Centering survivor choice, autonomy and definitions of safety/wellbeingHolding perpetrators accountable for how their behavior disrupts family stabilityCreating a fuller range of intervention options beyond emergency shelterReframing "failure to protect" to focus on perpetrators' choices that endanger childrenCheck out these related episodesSeason 5 Episode 12: Challenging the Gospel of Sacrifice: Faith, Domestic Abuse, and Institutional TransformationSeason 5 Episode 9: Partnering vs. Practicing: The Hidden Bias in Professional Crisis WorkSeason 5 Episode 8: The Myth of the Domestic Violence Incident Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Visit the Safe & Together Institute websiteStart taking Safe & Together Institute courses Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

Send us a textWhat if understanding power dynamics could transform the way we approach domestic abuse and trauma? Join us for this special live recording of the "Partner with a Survivor" podcast, where we invite you to explore the delicate intricacies of relationships alongside hosts David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo from the Safe and Together Institute. Ruth, known for her "Cranky Survivor" persona, opens up about how this unique character serves as both a personal expression and a strategic  response to the challenges faced by victim survivors when dealing with institutional behaviors & professional biases. Together, we navigate the critical importance of embracing survivor feedback—anger and all—while we unravel the deeply ingrained social and gender biases within professional practices.Dive into the heart of coercive control and break down the complex layers of what is called "mutualized" violence, which we call 'acts of resistance' to a perpetrator's coercion & harm. Our conversation challenges the status quo by examining who truly holds power and control in relationships, especially in contexts riddled with bias against marginalized women. We don't shy away from the difficult but necessary task of confronting systemic issues and weaponized responses to survivor anger, urging professionals to recognize anger as a healthy and natural response to boundary violations. In this episode, we champion the importance of safe environments for survivors to express their emotions and set boundaries, particularly in the face of systemic challenges.As we wrap up, we shift our focus to the evolving language within the Safe and Together framework. By moving away from North American-centric jargon, we aim to align with global conversations and maintain core principles through adaptable language. The episode concludes with a discussion on fostering healthy professional relationships, emphasizing collaboration across genders to ensure child and community safety. Reflect with us on how these insights can be applied in your own life, and help us continue our mission by sharing your feedback and suggestions for future topics.Listen to prior episodes about professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics: https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics: https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

Send us a textWhat if the institutions we turn to for solace are also be the ones trapping us in cycles of harm? That's the challenging reality we confront in our latest episode featuring Reverend Geneece Goertzen, affectionately known as Rev. Gen. A survivor of domestic violence herself, Rev. Gen brings a deeply personal perspective to the table, sharing insights from her book "Taking it Seriously: A Faith Leader's Guide to Domestic Violence." Her story is not just one of survival but also of transformation, as she navigates the complex role of religious institutions in both supporting and, at times, failing their communities.The episode takes a hard look at the concept of institutional betrayal within faith communities. Often, religious institutions prioritize their preservation over the well-being of individuals, inadvertently perpetuating abuse. We explore the cultural dynamics that contribute to this betrayal and the severe impact it has on survivors' mental health and faith. By addressing these systemic issues, we aim to uncover how these institutions can evolve to offer genuine support and protection to those in need, rather than acting as barriers to justice and healing.Finally, Ruth, David and Rev. Gen discuss how to challenge traditional gender roles and societal norms that can exacerbate domestic violence. Together we explore what a new reality might look like: What if these same institutions could shift their focus to how a domestic abuse perpetrators' behaviors threaten their own spiritual health, the spiritual health of the family, and their religious community? Rev. Gen provides practical advice for faith leaders on how they can be allies to victims, highlighting the importance of comprehensive education and the integration of licensed therapists into faith communities. Through this episode, we envision a path toward transformation, where love, acceptance, and support genuinely resonate within religious frameworks.Check out these resources from Rev. Gen Read her book "Taking it Seriously: A Faith Leader's Guide to Domestic Violence." Vist Rev. Gen's websiteCheck out these related resourcesThe Safe & Together Institute Friends and Family Ally Guide  Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence." Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics: https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

Send us a textUnlock the secrets to supporting children affected by domestic abuse with insights from Dr. Asha Patel, CEO of Innovating Minds. In this episode, we explore innovative approaches like the Healing Together program, which integrates trauma-informed principles, neuroscience, and attachment models to help children manage their emotions. Dr. Patel shares her journey from working with high-profile offenders to founding Innovating Minds, with a mission to provide early support for children often mislabeled as "naughty" and excluded from education. Discover how digital access is pivotal for equitable scalability and the importance of training frontline practitioners to extend the program's reach.We'll shed light on the complex challenges of providing timely support to children exposed to domestic abuse and the critical role of supportive relationships in their healing process. Misconceptions about waiting for the perfect moment to offer help are debunked, and the necessity of multiple pathways to access programs, beyond court orders, is underscored. The conversation also delves into the hurdles marginalized communities face with official systems and highlights the importance of trauma-informed and domestic abuse-informed approaches within mental health services.Explore the profound impact of early intervention and prevention models across the UK, focusing on the integration of the Healing Together program in schools and children's homes. We examine the unique trauma children face when in contact with abusive parents and the potential for misdiagnoses. Understand the importance of recognizing trauma in the context of coercive control, beyond just physical abuse. Finally, we emphasize the power of fostering healing through mindful practices and how resilience and recovery can be significantly enhanced for both child survivors and their caregivers.Learn more about Innovating Minds and the Healing Together programme Related EpisodesSeason 5 Episode 7: Childhood Domestic Violence Exposure is “Pivotal”: An Interview with Professor HigginsSeason 5 Episode 4: Unveiling the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children: Beyond the Myth of the Child WitnessSeason 4 Episode 10: Ensuring the Voice of the Child is Heard, and Child's Best Interests are Considered in Domestic Abuse Cases Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

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Send us a Text Message.In this episode, David & Ruth speak about the Myth of the Domestic Violence Incident chapter  David's recently published book: "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform The Way We Keep Children Safe From Domestic Violence." They discuss how an isolated incident lens:Focuses systems interventions & professional responses on isolated acts of physical violence rather than on patterns of violence & coercive control which blinds professionals and systems to the wider dangers created to adult & child survivors by a perpetrator  Makes  it harder to see the loss of liberty and entrapment generated by the perpetrator's pattern Fails to document & address the danger & harm created by nonphysical acts of abuse & removal of liberty (coercive control) such as:ongoing control directed at the adult partnerwillingness to harm children as a way to pressure and hurt their partnerthe underlying attitudes and beliefs that entitle Perpetrator to control & violencethe manipulations of systems and threats or actual use of systems like family court and child protection to continue fear and control campaigns How the Safe & Together Model helps identify entrapment, loss liberty and impact on child, partner and family functioning to increase the awareness of professionals as to the patterns, trauma & danger created by a perpetrator Related Podcasts: Intro to David Mandel's book “Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers”https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/podcast-interview-social-world/Want toUnveiling the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children: Beyond the Myth of the Child WitnessSocial World Podcast Interview with David Mandel about his new book “Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers”Want guided book discussions for your staff or community stakeholders? Check out this free book Study guide: https://share.hsforms.com/1D__YbFblQgqz8cTIgwXjvA3a1w1 Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a Text Message.The recently published groundbreaking, population-based study of child maltreatment in Australia found exposure to domestic violence is the most common form of maltreatment (39.6%). In this interview with Professor Daryl Higgins, one of the studies' chief investigators, David and Ruth discuss the domestic violence specific results including how they intersect with other forms of  maltreatments and other adverse experiences to produce health and other challenges in adults.  Some of the key results discussed include:What was learned about childhood maltreatment, and its connection to health outcomes in adults, in this study of 8500 Australians How domestic violence is present in the 5 most common clusters of overlapping types of maltreatment How men were more likely to report smoking and cannabis use as result of childhood exposure to domestic violenceHow women were more likely to report self harm, suicide attempts and obesity  as a result of childhood exposure of domestic violence  How female and gender diverse children were more likely to experience childhood exposure to domestic violence Read about the study: https://www.acms.auRead more about resources and publications from the  Institute of Child Protection Studies for adopting a public health approach to protecting children: https://www.acu.edu.au/icps/public-healthOther related Partnered with A Survivor episodes  Season 5 Episode 5: A Trauma History is Not An Excuse for Acting AbusivelySeason 5 Episode 4: Unveiling The Impact Of Domestic Violence On Children: Beyond The Myth Of The Child WitnessSeason 4 Episode 10: Ensuring The Voice Of The Child Is Heard, And Child's Best Interests Are Considered In Domestic Abuse Cases Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a Text Message.Partnering with survivors is a sacred act.  Listening to survivors, hearing their stories, and working  with them as equals  is uplifting for  practitioners and their clients.  In this episode of Partnered With a Survivor, David and Ruth speak with Beth Ann Morhardt, one of the first domestic violence consultants trained in the Safe & Together Model,  about the spiritual aspects of the work with families.  The interview starts with discussion of  Beth Ann and David's long history of professional collaboration, starting with her work using the Safe & Together Model with child protection. Drawing on those experiences, and her long history of advocating for survivors and working as a Safe & Together Institute faculty member, Beth Ann talks about the how she approaches  her work with families as a sacred practice. She also talks about how she honors the experience of practitioners, and even perpetrators as she works to prevent domestic violence.  Beth Ann is also the creator of  the Sacred in the System (SITS) philosophy & language which aligns with the Safe & Together Model principles of partnering & engaging the perpetrating parentTo learn more about Sacred in the System contact Beth Ann at Bamorhardt@gmail.comIf you like this episode:Check out our Partnering with Survivors ecourse Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Send us a Text Message.In this episode of Partnered with A Survivor, David & Ruth have an intimate discussion about how we can be emotionally &  behaviorally responsible even when we have been trained into fear & reactivity through violence & abuse.  David and Ruth discuss:How we need to drop binary definitions in order to prevent abusers from  using their history of trauma as an excuse for  current behaviors of coercive control & violence. The importance of unlearning reactive behaviors that we came by 'honestly' through traumaThe importance of considering context, patterns of behavior and impacts on functioning  as part of the conversations about survivors' reactivity and use of violence  The value of self-reflection on the impact of our behaviors when we are triggered back into a state of fear or defensivenessIf you like this episode you may be interested in:Season 5 Episode 2: Women's Use Of Force In Intimate Relationships: An Interview With Lisa Young LaranceSeason 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors' Acts Of ResistanceSeason 2 Episode 11: “We Need A Revolution:” Integration Of Trauma Healing And Behavior Change For People Who Choose Violence Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Discover the hard truths about the impact of domestic violence on children, as we, David and Ruth Reymundo Mandel, discuss the "Myth of the Child Witness" chapter from David's book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."   We promise you'll come away with a deeper understanding and a sense of urgency to shift the way society responds to young survivors. Listen as we pull back the curtain on the often-invisible effects of witnessing abuse and how these experiences shape the lives of children far beyond what is visible to the eye.Are children just passive bystanders in the face of domestic violence, or are they silent bearers of trauma? What happens when we do not name the perpetrator as the cause of the children's harm or highlight their responsibilities are carers?  Our discussions traverse the landscape of this misconception, challenging the passive language that labels children merely as witnesses and advocating for a language that reflects their true experiences. We address the crucial need for systems to hold perpetrators accountable and prevent children from replicating harmful behaviors. Our conversation makes the case for recognizing the autonomy of children and the essential role of the non-abusive parent in fostering a child's emotional safety.Wrapping up our insightful conversation, we underscore the critical role adults play in understanding and supporting children affected by domestic violence. Delving into the 'Safe Together' model, we stress the importance of an ecosystem that supports both the child and the non-abusive parent. Join us as we honor the resilience of children everywhere and strive to transform the dialogue around domestic violence, one listener at a time.Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

In this episode, Ruth and David start with a round up of their March 2024 Safe & Together trip to Australia and New Zealand with highlights from the 7th annual Safe & Together Asia Pacific conference with it's focus on work with First Nation peoples, feedback from podcast listeners, and an update on how the Model is transforming the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. Then Ruth and David pivot to discuss the ideas behind David's first book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe " from Legitimus Media (2024).  David talk about how the book outlines the interlocking myth structure that is the cause and effect of gender double standards around parenting.  David  shares how the book was written for both survivors and practitioners,  with or without experience with the Model. This episode will be followed up minisodes focusing on other chapters in the book...stay tuned!To order the book now: https://mybook.to/mK39VNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Both men and women can be violent and controlling. In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth and David speak with international expert Lisa Young Larance about her research and clinical practice related to women's use of force in intimate relationships. In the conversation, Lisa highlights the importance of context and intersectionalities in any analysis of women's use of force in intimate relationships.In recounting her work, Lisa shares about:The importance of a behavioral and life span lens when understanding the use of force in intimate relationshipsHow practitioners need to remain curious about the specifics of situations related to use of forceHow to explore the relationship between trauma histories and the use of forceThe importance of seeing beyond the “victim/offender” binaryWhat the work with women who use force in intimate relationships can teach us about the work with men who use force against their partnersCheck out Lisa Young Larance's workKeep an eye out for her forthcoming book:  Larance, L. Y. (Forthcoming, 2024). Broken: Women's stories of intimate and institutional harm and repair. University of California Press.You may also be interested in these related episodes of Partnered with A SurvivorSeason 2 Episode 6: The Male VictimSeason 3 Episode 6: 7 Myths about the Safe & Together ModelNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Sexual and domestic violence in the military challenges recruitment, retention, team cohesion, operational readiness, security and organizational health. Yet, most militaries around the world are still struggling to effectively address these problems. Gaps in the response harm military families, and allow the destruction of the careers and health of survivors. The Safe & Together Institute, through its work with the UK Ministry of Defence, has seen the positive impact of domestic violence-informed practice in this area.In this episode, David & Ruth speak with Amy Braley Frank, founder of Never Alone Soldiers, and Joanna, a survivor who now advocates for others. Never Alone Soldiers advocates for the safety and wellbeing of military personnel and families affected by sexual or domestic violence. They assist victims, advise them and push for greater transparency, accountability and policy changes, leaving no one behind.Ruth & David discuss with Amy & Joanna:Current problematic military attitudes & practices in responding to perpetratorsSilencing of victim/survivors of sexual and domestic violenceNever Alone's advocacy for victims and drive for systemic changeRetention policies enabling those with histories of criminality and violenceAdverse career impacts for service members reporting abuseLinks between unaddressed military violence issues and domestic violence perpetration in law enforcementJoanna shares her experiences seeking safety from domestic abuse, and how policies, communication approaches and attitudes endangered her and others. She discusses how Never Alone successfully pushed for her perpetrator's removal.Amy defines policy and cultural changes needed to support survivors over retaining perpetrators.Learn more about Never Alone You also may be interested in these related episodes Episode 25: When police officers commit domestic violenceEpisode 26: Listening to the voices of survivors of officer-involved domestic violence: An interview with Nanette ChezumEpisode 27: “How much crime are you willing to let your police commit?”Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Historically research hasn't always involved or benefited the population being studied. Dr. Elizabeth Dalgarno, the Director, and Founder of the SHERA Research Group is staunch advocate of research that is undertaken by and with the people it concerns rather than “on” them. In this far-ranging interview, Ruth, David, and Dr Dalgarno discuss:   SHERA's research into health effects on survivors of their family court involvement in Brazil and England (Spoiler Alert: The negative health effects of family court involvement for domestic abuse survivors is significant!) What practitioners can do differently within the current context of family law environment to improve outcomes for child and adult survivorsHow to use research to help improve the social care and family court response to domestic abuseThe need for greater accountability and transparency as it relates to systems that impact survivors The need for appropriate credentialing, training, and experience for evaluators in the family court contextThe need for adequate data on the impacts of family law policies & practices on victim survivors.The global need for domestic violence-informed training for lawyers, children's representatives, and judges around family violence, custody, and access The SHERA Research Group, a collective of multidisciplinary professionals with over 100 years cumulative experience of working in health inequalities, law, finance, social care and domestic abuse research and support organizations. Dr Elizabeth Dalgarno, the Director and Founder of SHERA Research Group and a Lecturer at University of Manchester England.Dr. Dalgarno has worked in public and private health and social care for over 20 years and specialises in challenging inequalities and systemic challenges in health and social care. Her work with women who have been through family court focusses on their health-related experiences and the harmful pseudoscience of so-called 'parental alienation' and has been featured in a documentary 'Mums on the Run' on the BBC iplayer, at the UN Human Rights Council and in multiple media outlets.Related Podcasts Season 4 Episode 10: Ensuring The Voice Of The Child Is Heard, And Child's Best Interests Are Considered In Domestic Abuse Cases Season 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators' Weaponization Of Mental Health And Addiction Against SurvivorsSeason 2 Episode 19: Using The Concepts Of Collaborative Co-Parenting To Hold Perpetrators More Accountable In Family CourtEpisode 29: Family courts are failing the “best interests” of adult and child abuse survivors: An interview with Joan MeierAdditional Information and Links about SHERA and Dr. Dalgarno Academic profile: Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Domestic violence represent 27% of workplace violent events 1 in 5 victims take time off from work due to abuse 20% of victims of domestic abuse had taken off month or more in prior year 56% arrived late at least 5x/month53% missed at least 3 days of work/month 65% of companies do not have domestic violence  policy (SHRM)These statistics only represent a fraction of the picture of how domestic violence perpetrators impact their partner's employment, but also how they impact employers and the overall workplace environment. In addition to the impact on the survivor's employment (poor performance, lateness, absenteeism, lost of  income, lost of career advancement), employers face worker attrition, performance related loses and even liability.   In this podcast, David and Ruth discuss a range of issues associated with domestic violence perpetrator behavior and the workplace. Their discussion covers:The importance of consistent domestic violence-informed culture (inside and out) especially if your organization's work touches on familiesDifferent ways perpetrators harm a partner's employment including abuse at work, interfering with their ability to work and hindering career advancementDifferent strategies organization can engage in to make their human resource policy more informed including using the Safe & Together Institute Ally Guide as resource Check out these related episodes Season 4 Episode 4: Being abused by a partner while advocating for othersSeason 4 Episode 2: Coming “Out” As A Survivor in a Professional Setting: A Practitioner's JourneySeason 3 Episode 3: Minisode On Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories Of AbuseNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Are children domestic violence victims in their own right? Are they co-victims with the adult survivor? What is the relationship between the child and the adult survivors' experiencesHow do we hold domestic violence perpetrators accountable in their role as parents? How do we consider the child's relationship to the perpetrator in decisions related to them? How do we make sure both adult and child survivors receive the support they need and deserve? How do we consider the best interests of child survivors as we craft our policy and practice response to domestic violence? How do we ensure that child survivors' voices are heard in matters that are relevant to them? These are some of the critical questions being asked around the globe as governments, through their courts, legislatures and agencies, work to ensure the safety and well-being of children impacted by domestic violence perpetrators' behaviors. They are not just academic questions as they are central to decisions made every day by governmental bodies like child protection and family court.  For governments and non-governmental organizations (NGOs), a primary touchstone for these questions is the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC), the most widely accepted human rights document in history.  From its inception the Safe & Together Model has employed a robust child-centered framework to keep the focus on children's experience, needs and wishes in the context of domestic violence cases. Compared to other domestic violence assessment and practice frameworks which often treat children as an afterthought to the safety and well-being of the adult survivor, the Safe & Together Model has always focused on addressing the children's distinct lived experiences. It differs dramatically from other approaches which assume that you don't need to focus separately on the experience of the child but only need to keep the children safe by keeping the adult survivor safe — in essence making invisible the unique and individual experience of the child. In this episode, David and Ruth discuss how the Safe & Together Model supports the rights of children through the lens of its alignment with the UNCRC. With a special focus on the "voice of the child" (Article 12) and children's best interest decision-making (Article 3),  David Ruth talk aboutHow domestic violence perpetrators' actions attack children's human rightsHow a literal interpretation of the "voice of the child" is not enough especially when it comes to the most vulnerable childrenHow many of perpetrator's behaviors of coercive control happen outside a child's view but still impacts themHow the Model helps listen deeply and understand children's experience  and assists in best interest decision making in domestic violence cases involving children Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

The problem of  dating violence and coercive control among young people has been sorely overlooked, and educational resources are hard to find...until now! In order make coercive control visible to youth &  to fill a gap in professional  education materials & intervention strategies for young people, we have partnered with the revolutionary new abuse prevention film, The Last Drop . In this Podcast interview, Ruth & David interview Adam Joel, the Writer & Director of the Last Drop Film.  In this interview we speak about how this film came to be, how a diverse group of Lived Experience Experts informed the film  & what he hopes the films impact will be.Why the way we tell the story of abuse is vital to preventing & intervening with abuse. How messaging & advocacy about domestic violence needs to include a focus on coercive control, not just physical violence How youth populations have unique patterns of coercive control, often invisible to adults, like digital coercion related to the social media world that is so important young people Safe & Together Institute's role in as Executive Producer on the film including producing  a Professional Ally Guide as a companion to The Last Drop to assist professionals working with youth populations with strategies & tools when working with youth experiencing or perpetrating coercive control. Watch the TrailerPurchase the film for one year unlimited use https://www.instagram.com/lastdropfilm/Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

In this episode, Ruth & David speak with Lisa & Jack Bulman of Mibbinbah Spirit Healing about their work in community to facilitate healing from intergenerational trauma, support healthy relationship connections and strengthen the wellbeing of Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander men and families. Mibbinbah uses a “whole of communities” approach which brings men & women together to heal in community. (From the Mibbinbah website: “The two words Mibbin meaning Men or Eagle and Bah meaning place come from the Eastern Yugambeh Language of South Eastern Queensland. Therefore placing the two words together gives us Eagle or Men's place.”)Jack & Lisa talk about the heart healing work they do within Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander communities to strengthen & support their families after generations of colonization which created family separation, violence & abuse. In the interview the discussion touches on: ·      Jack speaks about the origins of Mibbinbah Health in his need in University for a Safe Space for Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander men to connect, support & heal together. ·      Jack describes the negative police response to Aboriginal men coming together to heal in nature & how that helped him further develop his work with community·      How Lisa and Jack see addressing violence as separate from men's business & women's business ·      How Partnering is critical when it comes to work with community ·      The importance of deep listening to healing and how this differs from prescriptive approaches to addressing trauma and violence.·      How healing and combating family violence is important to the work of decolonization·      The importance of self-responsibility for adopting behaviors which heal harm to self & community. ·      The pitfalls and limitations of how men's behavior change is currently understood as Individual and reductionist rather than as familial & communal.  The interview also includes Jack and Lisa speaking about concrete behaviors professionals can adopt to culturally safely & appropriately support Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander people in healing from family violence & the intergenerational impacts of ongoing colonization. To learn more about Mibbinbah  To listen to Jack and Lisa Bulman on the Mibbinbah podcastYou may also want to listen to….Season 2 Episode 17: Intervening With Domestic Violence Perpetrators: “We Can't Leave Anything On The Table”Season 2 Episode 16: “We Have To Remember Who We Are Advocating For”: Interview With Aboriginal DV Leader Ashlee DonohueSeason 2 Episode 15: She Is Not Your Rehab Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

In this episode, David & Ruth talk about why the Safe & Together Institute focuses on survivor protective capacities and some of the research behind this approach.  While assessments of harm and risk, and trauma frameworks are important, these approaches highlight danger and pathologies. But these approaches, while necessary, are not sufficient enough for true collaboration and partnering with survivors. In a world where there are gender double standards related to parenting, e.g. higher standards for women as parents than for men, it is essential that we don't just focus on harms but also on survivors' protective efforts and acts of resistance and parenting skills even in environments where the perpetrator is controlling so much.  Assessment, and documentation of survivors' protective capacities can make the difference between whether those children stay safely with that survivor, removed by child protection or placed with an abusive parent. David and Ruth  discuss some of the research behind this strength-based approach to survivors as parents like: The growing body of evidence to suggest many domestic violence survivors are good parents who actively take steps to promote their child's safety and well-being.Multiple studies find that mothers who are domestic violence survivors are functioning similarly or even better as parents than their counterparts who are not being abused.Greater stress and negative effects of violence on the adult survivor does not always equal compromised parenting.A majority of domestic violence survivors, even those experiencing severe violence, do not experience depression or anxiety.Most domestic violence survivors do not use drugs nor abuse alcohol to the point of drunkenness.Despite barriers created by the perpetrator, many domestic violence survivors engage in a range of actions to promote the well-being and safety of their children including medical care, employment, and housing.Maternal warmth or “mothering resilience” may play a critical protective role for children exposed to perpetrator behavior.David & Ruth will also talk about how assessing, validating and documenting survivors' strengths can play an important role in Partnering with Survivors.  When professionals assess, validate and document survivors' protective capacities:The validation can  combat the perpetrator's mental and psychological control– “you are not a bad mom but a good mom operating in a difficult situation”It can help systems and practitioners partner with survivors, e.g. identify strengths, validating them and making plans based on their strengths not just their risksIt inoculates survivors from bad decisions based on failure to protect and parental alienation–the two major myths that shape how systems interact with mothers who are domestic violence survivors. Read related Safe & Together Institute research briefing on survivors' protective capacitiesNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Survivors, who are professionals, can live in fear that if they share their experience in the workplace, they will be dismissed and disregarded. In this episode, Ruth & David speak with Nneka Mcgregor, founder & Executive Director of WomenattheentrE, about the need to transform our systems so that professionals who are survivors, can safely share their experience to strengthen the response of systems to gender-based violence. Nneka shares her journey as a survivor and a professional including how attempts by those in the domestic violence field to silence her made her even more committed to speaking out.  Nneka outlines how survivor knowledge of systems and services failures is vital to making those systems more effective and responsive. Nneka, Ruth & David discuss how survivors are treated as “other,” reflecting cultural attitudes which see survivors as broken and biased. They dive down into the negative impact on professionals and survivors when organizational cultures operate from a place of demeaning, diminishing, controlling, silencing & dictating to survivors.  Nneka shares concrete strategies from her organization, WomenatthecentrE,  about creating a professional, survivor nurturing, successful & supportive advocacy organization. Together, David, Ruth and Nneka explore how professionals and organizations can partner with survivors, and the importance of organizational performance markers for supporting survivors inside an agency. Learn more about WomenatthecentrETake our ecourse Partnering with Survivors You may also want to listen to: Season 4 Episode 4: Being Abused By A Partner While Advocating For Others: An Interview With Leah Vejzovic, The Safe & Together Institute North American Regional ManagerSeason 4 Episode 3: The Silent Effects Of Non-Fatal Strangulation: A Conversation With International & Lived Experience Expert, Nneka MacGregorSeason 4 Episode 2: Coming “Out” As A Survivor In A Professional Setting: A Practitioner's JourneySeason 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors' Acts Of ResistanceNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current caseload in real time. Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

There are few intervention programs for fathers who use violence as part of their parenting. In this episode, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the work that needs to happen with violent fathers with Dr.  Katreena Scott, the  co-creator of the Caring Dads program.  In this interview, David Ruth and Katreena speak aboutThe importance of intervening with violent fathers What makes Caring Dads different than a traditional men's behavior change programmingHow Caring Dads is different than traditional parenting programs How Caring Dads centers the safety and well-being of adult and child survivors The synergies between the Safe & Together Model and the Caring Dads programThe research on the effectiveness of men's behavior change programsHow low expectations of men impact the work with families How important it is for fathers' to act respectfully towards their children's mothers Learn more about Caring DadsOther relevant episodes of Partnered With A Survivor Season 3 Episode 9: Coercive Control in Children's and Mother's Lives: An interview with author and academic Dr. Emma KatzSeason 3 Episode 1: “This is a collective male problem:” An interview with international journalist Grant WyethSeason 2 Episode 19: Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family courtSeason 2 Episode 17: Intervening with Domestic Violence Perpetrators: “We can't leave anything on the table”Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Professionals working in domestic violence and related fields are not immune from being abused by their partner.  In fact, their role as a domestic violence or related professional can create some unique vulnerabilities that perpetrators are willing and able to  exploit as part of their efforts at control. In another episode in the series about practitioners who identify as survivors,  Ruth and David interview one of their own colleagues at the Safe & Together Institute – Leah Vejzović the North American Safe & Together Regional Manager. In this intimate interview, Leah shares her journey of experiencing abuse & coercive control while working in the advocacy & the child welfare field. Leah speaks about the fear, shame & challenges professionals face when being harmed by a perpetrator & how it impacts disclosures to loved ones, family & to their own professional organizations.In this interview, Leah shares about:How her perpetrator tried to manipulate her role as social worker to make her feel guilty and responsible for staying with him and “fixing” himHow expressions of victim blaming by professional colleagues, when they were speaking about their cases, made her feel unsafe disclosing to peers How ‘expertise' can be used by ourselves and  others to victim blame those who are being abused by a partner by landing in a place of ‘I/you should have known betterLeah shares how she overcame her shame to disclose to a friend, and  the responses which were helpful to her as she attempted to process and  respond to the abuse she was enduring.  She shares with Ruth and David about how the experience of being both professional and a survivor affirms for her the importance of  partnering with survivors and focusing on perpetrators' patterns of coercive control.Together, David, Ruth and Leah  analyze some of the unique vulnerabilities of  domestic violence, child welfare and other professionals who are being actively abused including how perpetrators may be able to successfully target employment. They discuss how organizations can inadvertently collude with perpetrators through a lack of policies and unaddressed victim blaming culture. David, Leah & Ruth discuss how to better respond to professionals who are victims of domestic abuse as an ally & how to embed those behaviors in your organizational values and  culture to guard against being manipulated by perpetrators and  the revictimization of survivors who are also professionals.Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Strangulation attempts are a common element of domestic violence perpetrators' patterns of behaviors. Non-fatal strangulation has long been identified as a risk factor for domestic violence homicide. Less attention has been paid to the short, medium and long term effects of non-fatal strangulation on survivor functioning and well-being. In this interview with Nneka MacGregor, Ruth and David discuss her research into the injuries, impact and experiences of survivors who have experienced non-fatal strangulation. This co-written study is entitled  “A fresh breath: Examining the experience of strangulation among women abuse by an intimate partner.”In the interview they discuss:The specific impacts on non-fatal strangulation on like memory loss, traumatic brain injury and increased risk for stroke and other health risksHow these symptoms and problems, when decontextualized from perpetrators' assaults, can contribute to victim-blamingHow perpetrators of non-strangulation need to be held more accountable as parents for the impacts of their behaviorThe siloed and often ineffective responses of professional responses to non-fatal strangulationHow professionals need to be on the lookout for the signs and symptoms of effects of non-fatal strangulation and listen to the voices of survivors about their experienceNneka MacGregor is the co-founder and Executive Director of the Women's Centre for Social Justice, better known as WomenatthecentrE,  a unique non-profit created by and for women, trans and gender-diverse survivors of gender-based violence (GBV) to champion survivor led innovations in the domestic & family violence field. She is a Black intersectional abolitionist feminist, international speaker & trainer, she is an expert advisory panel member of the Canadian Femicide Observatory for Justice and Accountability and sits on several advisory Boards and committees, including the Federal Advisory Council on the Federal Strategy Against GBV, and co-founded the Black Femicide Canada Council.Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Listening to the voice of lived experience experts, AKA survivors of all forms of abuse and neglect, is becoming more and more a part of the domestic violence-informed professional landscape. At the same time, self-disclosure, in professional spaces, of being an abuse survivor can be a fraught for some practitioners. It can be associated with fears of judgment and marginalization. Even though those survivor experiences can positively inform direct work with families, enrich organizational culture and help guide policy, safety and support for practitioner survivors is often not the articulated norm in many organizations.In this episode, Ruth and David  interview Aliegha Manski, the 2023 winner of the Safe & Together Champion Award for Systems Change in the Asia Pacific Region. Aleigha shares with them her journey as a professional and a survivor. She talks about how the Safe & Together Model impacted her self perceptions as a survivor and assisted her in improving her ability to engage with families struggling with domestic violence. Aleigha reflects on how the process of Partnering and the Safe & Together Model Principles assisted her in self-reflection on abuse she endured as a child & the organizational & system responses to that abuse.In this interview Aleigha, David & Ruth address the “Elephant in the Room,” how societal victim blaming and internalized shame can affect professionals, even ones that are survivors themselves. Facing that reality head on with a Partnering framework not only helps to separate out those personal realities from professional practice but assists in healing and improving responses to victims of similar forms of abuse. The Partnering concept can not only improve practitioner-survivor professional practice but also provide a pathway to healing, improve worker safety, satisfaction and retention. This is an important episode for any professional who struggles with talking about their own experiences of abuse and any agency that wants to be trauma- and domestic violence-informed. The Safe & Together Model Partnering process can offer a pathway to healing for professionals who are also survivors & are working with families experiencing domestic violence. Creating space in organizations for professionals to safely disclose, not be blamed or professionally harmed by the fact someone  else chose to abuse them, is vital to having a truly domestic violence informed organization & to professional competency & worker satisfaction.Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Working with domestic violence means professionals come into contact daily with complex & challenging trauma.   Beyond the complexity involved with working toward the safety of the family, working with domestic violence survivors  often confronts professionals with their own prior experiences of abuse and trauma.  Partnering with  survivors using the  Safe & Together Model is powerful, efficient and effective. This very same process may reveal to practitioner where they were blamed for the abuse they suffered, where their own strengths or needs were not acknowledged and can even trigger their own memories of trauma. In this Podcast Ruth & David discuss how latent in the concept of Partnering is a powerful way to support professionals who have experienced violence & who also encounter challenging & traumatizing dynamics in their day to day work.  Many practitioners have reached out to express their own self revelations when learning the Safe & Together Model & how the six part process of Partnering helped in their healing.In this podcast the six steps of Partnering are looked at from a worker supportive standpoint which improves worker wellbeing, safety, satisfaction & assures that organizations are responding in a Domestic Violence Informed way to the needs of professional victim survivors in their employ.Ruth & David leave the listener with a series of questions which may assist in the process of Partnering with Professional survivors & with ourselves when we are uncovering our own trauma. Also listen to: https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-2-episode-23-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-are-survivors-themselves/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/6-steps-to-partnering-with-survivors/https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added - violence and danger - instead of what is taken away (safety, self determination, quality of life), we fail at naming some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators' behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about what survivors' often "lose" at the hands of domestic violence perpetrators.In this episode: Stories of recent successes of the Safe & Together Model from around the globe The importance of Perpetrator Pattern mapping to accurate documentation of harm including what has been taken awayDavid & Ruth also talk about how survivors describe  perpetrators stopping them from being the parent and the person they could've  been.  They offer up practical tips for practitioners about how to explore these losses including how to go beyond the question "are you afraid at home?" They also offer  validations for survivors' experiences of loss and limits. Other related episodesSeason 3 Episode 12 Weaponize & Fabricate: How Domestic Violence Perpetrators' Behaviors Intersect With Survivors' Mental Health And Substance Misuse IssuesSeason 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors' Acts Of ResistanceSeason 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Researcher Dr. Emma KatzNow available! Mapping the Perpetrator's Pattern: A Practitioner's Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model's critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Toxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta.All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators.  In this episode of Partner With A Survivor, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the Safe & Together Model's intersections offers a more powerful and accurate way to discuss the relationship between mental health, substance misuse and domestic violence. Point by point they explore how perpetrators' behaviors intersect with adult and child survivors' mental health and substance misuse. They examine how perpetrators CauseExacerbateInterfere WithFabricate Weaponize these issues. They highlight the importance of contexualizing the survivors' issues back to the perpetrators' pattern and  envisioning how perpetrators' might be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Other Related EpisodesSeason 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators' Weaponization Of Mental Health And Addiction Against SurvivorsSeason 2 Episode 10: Trauma-Informed Is Not The Same As Domestic Violence-Informed: A Conversation About The Intersection Of Domestic Violence Perpetration, Mental Health & AddictionSeason 2, Episode 5: How Professionals Can Avoid Being Manipulated By PerpetratorsEpisode 30: 4 Ways The Concept Of Trauma Bonding Works Against SurvivorsEpisode 18: Survivors Aren't Broken! An Intimate Discussion About Support And Partnership In Relationships

Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim blaming perspective: “Why doesn't she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?”  or “I can't trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.”  These victim blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors  and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate assessments and increase worker frustration with survivors. In this episode of Partnered With a Survivor, Ruth & David discuss the Safe & Together Model practice of 'Pivoting to the Perpetrator'  which offers specific steps to interrupt victim blaming, and to shift the focus on to where it belongs– the perpetrator's behaviors. The practice helps professionals better assess whether interventions with perpetrators are helping or hindering survivor safetyBetter recontextualize how survivor “denial” or “non-compliance” is shaped by the perpetrator's behaviors and the failures of systems' interventionsBe successful with their most challenging cases through better collaborations with survivors and more effective interventions with perpetrators In this episode, Ruth and David lay out what Pivoting is, why it is important & how to do the three part practice in your work. They discuss the application of  Pivoting and how it is an essential skill for domestic violence-informed practice. Other Related Episodes Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors' Acts Of ResistanceSeason 2 Episode 22: Minisode On Worker Safety & Well-Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety And Victim-BlamingSeason 2, Episode 1: 6 Steps To Partnering With SurvivorsEpisode 2: Victim Blaming

With upsetting frequency, the news will report a story of a child murdered by their mother's partner. Sometimes this murder happens in the context of separation. Other times it is part of perpetrators' overall pattern of violence toward multiple family members. Unfortunately, dramatic homicides only tell part of the story. There are strong correlations between domestic violence and neglect deaths.  Child suicides also appear to happen in the context of domestic violence. In this episode Ruth and David explore the connection between domestic violence and child deaths including: How males are three times more likely to murder their own children How domestic violence may be the single major precursor to child abuse and neglect fatalities The barriers to fully identifying pathways to child deaths in the context of domestic violence Actions professionals can take to improve the prevention efforts through identification of the risk of child death  including better understanding of how perpetrators interfere with the care of children Self-care note: The content of this episode may be very challenging for some listeners.

In this episode, David & Ruth discuss with Dr. Emma Katz in her new book, “Coercive Control in Children's and Mother's Lives.” Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children.  In this far ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr. Katz discuss: How she was inspired to write the book by identifying how the literature was ignoring the experience of children in homes impacted by coercive controlThe “magic” question that unlocked the stories of adult and child survivors How children and their mothers are impacted by perpetrators' coercive control How an emphasis on physical violence can blind professionals to key aspects of the experience of children The similarities between the experiences of adult and child survivorsHow children's agency is minimized and adult survivors are blamed through the use  of the term “parentification” How mental health approaches are deficient in their identification of protective efforts How the use of the term “historic abuse” rarely useful How adult and child survivors heal from coercive control To buy Emma Katz's book Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (Oxford University Press, 2022) Use the discount code ASFLYQ6 to get 30% offTo buy Amazon Kindle of Emma Katz's book Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (Oxford University Press, 2022)Emma Katz's popular, free to download 2020 article 'When Coercive Control Continues to Harm the Children Post-Separation' Emma Katz on TwitterEmma Katz on ResearchGateEmma Katz on Instagram Emma Katz on FacebookEmma Katz on LinkedIn Emma Katz on YoutubeEmma Katz's previous podcastsSHERASHERA on TwitterListen to these related Partnered with a Survivor episodes Season 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Researcher Dr. Emma KatzSeason 2 Episode 8: “I Spiraled Down To A Dark Place:” An Interview With A Young Survivor Of Officer-Involved Domestic Violence And His MumSeason 1 Episode 1: Coercive Control And Consent

In this episode, David & Ruth continue their series on reproductive coercion as part of the cycle of intimate partner violence with an interview with Dr. Heather McCauley from the Michigan Consortium on Gender Based Violence MSU. Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion, the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwanted pregnancy, STI & health issues.   *Reproductive coercion is a common part of perpetrator's patterns of coercive control, violence & abuse.  *Condom manipulation & pregnancy coercion are two common ways perpetrators entrap  victims in relationships.  *Survivors who share children with a perpetrator are often unable to extricate themselves because of societal support, religious beliefs,  gender biases & institutional support for the 'authority' of the perpetrator over their victims.  *Family court, criminal courts & our systems of care often blame women for having children with perpetrators. *Pregnancy is assumed to be in the control of the survivor, even when domestic violence is known issue. *Women in this situations can face tremendous judgement including being thought of  as stupid, promiscuous , failing to understand the impact of domestic violence or choosing to continue a relationship with a perpetrator. *These attitudes  further entrap survivors,  victimizing them & placing them child survivors in danger.  In this interview, David, Ruth & Dr. McCauley talk about topics like:How important it is to identify common acts of resistance to reproductive coercion so we accurately assess survivors protective and safety strategies. How resistance to reproductive coercion often elicits violence - as does any form of resistance to a perpetrator of intimate partner violence. How a lack of professional awareness of the patterns & strategies of reproductive coercion is a danger to survivors & their safety & wellbeing.  How reproductive coercion is much like the war time strategy of rape to enforce compliance, to frighten & to control. The  need for men to be part of the discussion around consent, family planning & reproductive health & the need for further engagement & accountability for perpetrators.  With some governments moving to remove reproductive rights, bodily self determination, access to abortion & birth control, it is vital to have a discussion of what reproductive coercion is, how it most often manifests as behaviors & what the impact is for survivors. Diving down into how reproductive coercion is supported by our societal attitudes, laws & institutional practices is key addressing the systemic nature of reproductive coercion.  The podcast also includes positive statements on the dignity & autonomy of women &  speaks about the prevalence of attitudes which support & normalize reproductive coercion.For more information on Dr. McCauleyhttps://vaw.msu.edu/people/mccauley-heather-sc-d/Further listening on this topicSeason 3 Episode 7: Understanding and Validating Survivors' Acts of Resistance

Too often conversations about domestic violence define survivors as passive trauma survivors with the emphasis on the negative mental health and addiction consequences of the perpetrators' patterns of behavior. And while these impacts are real they only tell part of the story.  On a daily basis, survivors engage in  small and large acts of resistance to coercive control & domestic violence.   Based in their knowledge of the perpetrator,  their assessment of the system and available supports, survivors engage in targeted strategic actions that are important to their own safety and  the safety and well being of their children. Not just passive recipients of abuse,  survivors actively use a variety of behaviors to carve out physical and emotional "safe zones" a term coined by Dr. Evan Stark, author of Coercive Control.  These acts of resistance can include:Lying the the perpetratorDefending their children from abuseFighting back physicallyStanding up for what they and their children need They can include ways to defy the perpetrators' rules or places in the survivor's mind where she fantasies about freedom or retreats into her mind when he is abusing her .  In this episode Ruth and David discuss:how these acts of resistance are often decontextualized from the perpetrators' pattern survivors acts of resistance, particularly survivors from Black, Indigenous and other marginalized communities, often criminalized the importance of professionals recognizing these acts of resistance as part of the process of partnering with survivors and avoiding failure to protect practice David & Ruth also showcase the audio from a video produced by Orana House, a refuge in Western Australia, called "Warrior Women" that showcases survivors' acts of resistance. Watch the video.

In this episode David & Ruth go 'myth busting!"   Like any effort to promote change, there can be misconceptions of what the Safe & Together Model does or is about.  The Safe & Together Model is not immune to this mischaracterizations. In  their conversations, David & Ruth tackle the following 7 mistaken perceptions of the Safe  & Together Model and discuss how each myth plays into our current siloed thinking around survivors and perpetrators;Myth #1: The Safe & Together Model is a perpetrator engagement model.Myth #2: It only applies to men's use of violence against women.Myth #3: It only works in the child safety sector.Myth #4: It promotes keeping families together when it's unsafe.Myth #5: It's anti-male.Myth #6 it is just training.Myth # 7 It's only for professionals.

In this short, special bonus episode, Ruth interviews Celine Donovan, a Safe & Together Model Certified Trainer, working for Tatauko Mai, the only Safe & Together Institute Partner Agency in Aotearoa (New Zealand).   Ruth caught up with Celine in coffee shop in Christchurch.   They spoke about about how the Model has changed her practice. Celine, who also works for Aviva in Christchurch, talks about the Model has transformed her practice, and the practice of those around her.  She shares a story about how the Model helped transform practice in case where the survivor would've been labeled as "non engaging." Listen in as  Ruth and Celine yarn over a cup of coffee.  

In this final installment of the  minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the importance  best practice around  the question of practitioners  own fears about the safety of the family.  Anyone who has worked with domestic violence cases has felt fear and worry for the safety of the adult and child survivors. Sometimes these fears are directly related to the facts of the perpetrator's pattern. In other instances they are artifacts of prior cases, overwhelm from crushing workloads, or lack of training working with perpetrators.  In this minisode, Ruth and David explore the factors that can influence professionals' fears and some support strategies. These factors include: Fears that  that the professionals' actions might make the situation worseBeing influenced by other cases where the adult or child survivors were seriously abused or murderedBeing overwhelmed with a heavy caseload, making it more difficult to focus on the specifics of a case Feeling like the survivor is not acting as they "should"Being hampered by a lack of skill and confidence working with perpetrators  Strategies to help can include: Assessing perpetrators patterns-while it is no guarantee, getting history of patterns is one of the best ways to predict future behaviorsPartner with the survivor who is the best source of information about the perpetrator's pattern and give offer information on what on current protection effortsGet supervision from your supervisor or from peers. Bring the case to a Safe & Together Intersections Meeting or another collaborative meeting to discuss itUse the Safe & Together Institute Ally Guide to increase family and friend support for the survivorUse the Safe & Together Institute Choose To Change toolkit to increase positive support for the perpetrator Agencies should work to create an environment where workers feel comfortable talking about their worries about their caseTo listen to other minisode of worker safety and health:Season 3 Episode 3: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories of AbuseSeason 2 Episode 23: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Are Survivors ThemselvesSeason 2 Episode 22: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety and Victim-BlamingSeason 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When workers are targeted by the perpetratorSeason 2 Episode 20: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Intro to the series

Reproductive coercion is part of a perpetrator's pattern of coercive control and is a common and powerful tool that is used to entrap & control victims using pregnancy & children. Forcing women to become pregnant & maintain a pregnancy has long term implications for women & children's lives. Not only do adult survivors suffer the consequences,  but children are used as pawns .  In this way, reproductive control can be thought of  as a form of child abuse and neglect.  In many instances, domestic violence perpetrators  do not become abusive until their partner is pregnant and unable to leave them easily or safely. Against the backdrop of the recent leak of a draft United States' Supreme Court ruling attacking a women's right to autonomy over their own bodies, David & Ruth discuss reproductive coercion in the context of domestic violence including: coercion & pressure to become pregnant or maintain a pregnancy sabotage and manipulation related to birth control control over the pregnancy and birth In a sometimes raw, far ranging conversation, David & Ruth examine the intersection of domestic violence and reproductive coercion;  violence during pregnancy;  history of the English Judge, cited 9 times by Justice Alito in his draft ruling, who  instructed juries not to believe women's reports of rape; and the need for more work with men around pregnancy, reproductive respect and birth control. 

In this fifth installment of the  minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the prevalence of histories of abuse amongst professionals and how agencies can proactively shape their human resources, training and supervision to this reality. One of the main takeaways from this episode is that having staff who have abuse histories can be a real asset for an agency that addresses domestic violence in the families they serve. Research shows that a variety of professionals include health and child welfare have significant prevalence rates for histories of domestic violence, sexual violence and child abuse and neglect. McLindon, Humphreys and Hegarty found  in one study of female personnel at medical facility in Australia that  at  "....45.2% (212) of participants reported violence by a partner and/or family member during their lifetime, with 12.8% (60) reporting both. "    A Spanish study found that a " total of 1,039 health professionals participated in the study. Of these, 26% had suffered some type of abuse. Among the men, this prevalence was 2.7%, while among the women, it was 33.8%."  A 2003 United States study found that 1/2 of child protection workers had histories of intimate partner violence. David & Ruth discuss the significance of this data including:the research suggesting that workers with histories of abuse may be more sensitive to the issue, including working harder to keep children with survivors  But can also lead to victim blaming, collusion with perpetrators, lack of engagement with perpetrators, fears and stressKeeping with their solution focused approach, David & Ruth discuss what agencies can do including: Build policies and training to reflect the assumption  that staff includes survivors of domestic violenceReview HR and Employee Assistance Programs to see if this is an identified issueDevelop communications and supervision strategies that start with new workers around their own histories and how to take care of themselvesName indicators or areas of concern Fears and resistance around engaging perpetrators as part of job Victim blaming Symptoms of stress like self medicatingRigid views on issues of domestic violenceAggressive and abusive behaviors toward colleagues or clientLook to use lived experience experts on your staff as a resourceCreate an employee lived experience advisory group that allows survivors to provide input as both survivors and professionals into agency policy and practiceCreate a confidential peer support network—lived experience experts who are trained to help other survivors on staff, supporting each other to bring their "A" game to workTrain supervisors to keep focus on professional behavior while supporting workers to get the help they need. ReferencesMieko Yoshihama, Linda G Mills. When is the personal professional in public child welfare practice?: The influence of intimate partner and child abuse histories on workers in domestic violence cases. Child Abuse & Neglect, Volume 27, Issue 3, 2003, Pages 319-336.McLindon, E., Humphreys, C., & Hegarty, K. (2018). “It happens to clinicians too”: An Australian prevalence study of intimate partner and family violence against health professionals. BMC Women's Health, 18(1), 113. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12905-018-0588-yCarmona-Torres JM, Recio-Andrade B, Rodríguez-Borrego MA. Intimate partner violence among health professionals: distribution by autonomouscommunities in Spain. Rev Esc Enferm USP. 2017;51:e03256. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.1590/S1980-220X2016049803256To listen to other minisodes in this series

Have you ever seen survivors' mental health or substance use issues turned against them by a domestic violence perpetrator?  Have you been concerned about a domestic violence survivor's treatment being sabotaged by an abusive partner?  In this podcast, David Mandel, Executive Director and Founder of the Safe & Together Institute and Ruth Stearns Mandel explore these questions. They also talk about  how  a perpetrator pattern-based approach can help protect survivors against these behaviors. The show is broken down into three major themes: What is weaponization of mental health and addiction?Why is  systems are vulnerable to these manipulations How we can fix (or perpetrator proof) our systemsDavid & Ruth talk about how perpetrator's fabricated allegations can gain currency through sheer repetition.  David breaks down emotional abuse into different types of abuse depending on who the perpetrator's audience is.  They also discuss how perpetrators benefit from:the tendency to pathologize/psychologize survivorsa lack of focus on strengthshow mental health and addiction issues are automatically assumed to reflect on parenting capacity gender bias about mental health, addiction and parenting lack of universal coercive control assessment in mental health and addiction They explore  strategies for improving clinical practice including assessing how current coercive control is impacting access to treatment.   They discuss how important it is to recontextualize survivors' issues back  perpetrator's patterns of behavior. David & Ruth examine the implications of documentation and reporting to family court and child protection. If you like this episode you might also like: Season 2 Episode 19: Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family courtSeason 2 Episode 14: How to perpetrator proof custody & access processesSeason 2 Episode 10: Trauma-informed is not the same as domestic violence-informed: A conversation about the intersection of domestic violence perpetration, mental health & addictionEpisode 30: 4 Ways the Concept of Trauma Bonding Works Against Survivors

(Apologies the sound quality of this episode is slightly less than we'd like.) In their opening episode of Season 3, Partnered with a Survivor co-hosts , David Mandel & Ruth Stearns Mandel, interview international journalist Grant Wyeth. Grant Wyeth is a researcher at the Asia Institute, University of Melbourne, and a columnist for the Diplomat. He has written extensively about men's violence against women. In this interview, Grant offers an international perspective on: The backlash against the advancements of women  Male supremacist groups and their influence on politics how Richard Gardener's  "ideology" of parental alienation was intended to influence the family court's position domestic violencehow Gardener's influence has caused more harm than  Leonard Warwick's violence against Australian judges, the family court and others who helped his ex-partnerhow journalists  can do a better job covering male violence against womenTo learn more about Grant and his journalism

Ask Graham Goulden about the Bystander Approach to violence prevention, he'll  talk to you about being a “moral rebel.” “Moral rebels” intervene to stop violence when others standby. “Moral rebels” act when others walk away.  Graham, a  former Scottish police officer and Chief Investigator specializing in criminal investigation, drug investigation, training and crime prevention, is a passionate advocate of the bystander approach.  Graham focuses on teaching concrete behavioral strategies to safely intervene in the attitudes which promote abuse & sexual violence well before violence occurs. He speaks about concrete ways we can train our brain to intervene & hold our friends & loved ones accountable and become effective active bystanders.In this episode, Ruth & David talk with Graham about his active bystander work within law enforcement where attitudes of organizational self protection and misapplied notions of loyalty often harm those reporting dangerous & criminal behaviors by co workers.  David & Ruth discuss with Graham:His involvement with a recent Scottish National Police's “Don't Be That Guy”  campaign focused on men's sexually assaultive attitudes & behaviors. Concrete actions can bystanders take to safely intervene when they see men behaving in abusive waysChanging law enforcement attitudes around perpetration of intimate partner & sexual violenceLearn more about Graham Goulden's Cultivating Minds UK Join us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference . Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.

In this fourth installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore when workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator, and the implications for the workplace.   In a just over  20 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: David's history with worker personal disclosures about their own victimization How workers going through the Safe & Together Model training are seeing their own experience reflected in the materialHow agencies are using the Safe & Together Model to identify employees whose performance is suffering due to abuse and provide them with greater support In the middle part of the minisode, David and Ruth discuss perpetrator behaviors that target the workplace including: Behaviors that cause survivors to miss time at work like taking the car or stopping her from leaving or making her worried the children will be unsafe if she leave Unwanted, often repeated calls to the workplace, showing up at work Stalking and surveillance behaviors which may make it fearful for someone to be out in the communityAccusations of affairs if she meeting alone with male clientsWhen the professional works for agencies like child protection or the courts,  threats of calling the police or child protection may carry with it extra shame and fear of losing employment  . As result, survivors  may  may present as  with performance issues including missed days, lateness, being distracted or unable to focus at work; irritability with coworkers, and feelings of being overwhelmed. In the final portion of the minisode, David & Ruth outline some strategies for agencies including:  Ensuring that any employee safety policy explicitly recognizes the connection between coercive control and employee performance, and how perpetrators target workers at worker as a powerful form of control.  Agencies needing to clearly articulates how it will support and respond to an employee who is experiencing domestic violence including how performance concerns will be handled sensitively and in context.Particularly important in agencies where a threat of a report creates fears for one's jobs and shame, any workplace policy needs to be clear about how survivors confidentiality amongst her peers will be safeguarded, e.g. specialized process for handling informationWhen the perpetrator is a fellow employee, the consequences for abusive behavior must be clear. The agency policy must work to be responsive to the needs of survivors, e.g. reassignment to a different area or rotation of schedule to respond to threats of stalking that may impeding performance or safety;Communication of this policy must shared proactively on a regular basis so that survivors have the information they need to protect themselves from threats against their job Train supervisors, managers, and HR around handling these items consistently with policy, including training to always consider domestic violence victimization as one of the possible reasons for poor performanceInstitute a flex policy that supports workers in their ability to attend court for protection order hearings, criminal cases ,and family matters when domestic violence is involved. About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will vJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference . Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.

In this third installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the connection between worker safety and victim blaming.   In a just over  15 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: How a lack of knowledge of how fathers' choices impact families and engagement skills with men hamper  work with violent fathers How these gaps can be worse for fathers from communities where racism has led to the further vilification of men, as being dangerous, irresponsible, or irrelevantHow this lack of knowledge, skills and confidence can lead to workers feeling unsafe about engaging fathers who have been violent, which leaves the worker to focus on survivors' choices as means to keep children safeVictim blaming results when the survivor doesn't act in accordance with agency wishesIn the second half of the minisode, David and Ruth outline some steps agencies can take including:  Training  workers to have the skills and confidence to assess the influence of all father's choices on the family functioning- not just seeing the mum as the responsible for the functioning of the home. Training workers in the skills and confidence to engage fathers , even ones with histories of violencePrioritize whole- of- family work including incorporation in to reflective supervisionRequire regular conversations about worker emotional and physical  safety in domestic violence cases as a regular, proactive part  of supervisionCreate a culture where workers know that expressing safety worries is normal, and  that they will be supported around strategies for safety, not judged for disclosing fearsEnsure that domestic violence case are  explicitly mentioned in any worker safety policy About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a series for human resources managers and organizational leadership. Setting policies and procedures to address worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence-informed agency.Topics in the series include:When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clientsThe connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming practice.When workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator (through the workplace and at home)When workers own experience of abuse are triggered by their work with familiesManaging your own fears, as the worker, about the safety of the family.Listen to the introduction to the seriesRead the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on worker safetyTake an online course on worker safety related to domestic violenceJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference . Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.

In this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators.   In a few minutes , David & Ruth discuss different ways   workers are targeted including:Manipulation,  intimidation  and bullying Threats  of or actual lawsuits and  complaints lodged with managers, professional boards,  or courts  Implied or real threats against family members Stalking (online or in real life)Ruth  & David also discuss how  misogyny, racism or other forms of discrimination can be factors in the targeting of workers.  David  & Ruth finish the brief episode with specific suggestions about basic safety and support strategies that agencies can put in place to respond to the behaviors of perpetrators.  These include: Explicitly widen out the concept of worker safety to include intimidation, manipulation, not just explicit threats or acts of  violenceMake this wider definition of worker safety a regular part, preventative (not reactive)  supervision in casesEnsure that staff that handle client  complaint  or review boards are educated around coercive control and pattern based assessmentsPerformance reviews and human resources procedures  need to be consider the impact of threats and intimidation  on a worker's performance      About the  worker safety and well-being minisode series   The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a series for human resources managers and organizational leadership. Setting policies and procedures to address worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence-informed agency.Topics in the series include:When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clientsThe connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming practice.When workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator (through the workplace and at home)When workers own experience of abuse are triggered by their work with familiesManaging your own fears, as the worker, about the safety of the family.Listen to the introduction to the seriesRead the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on worker safetyTake an online course on worker safety related to domestic violenceJoin us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference . Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.