Fixer Upper Marriage

Leave the marketplace of love and find something completely different and amazing. Learn how to love without the "I". The post Spelling Love without the I appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/Conflict Jason@FixerUpperMarriage.org Like us on Facebook Summary Marriage conflict is a terrible thing. Or is it? Maybe the conflict is really about something entirely different than what you think it is! Find out what marriage conflict is all about and how it can change your marriage for the better. How Does Conflict Change You?

FixerUpperMarriage.org/LostLove God’s creation of love is one of the most amazing things in life. He created people with the urge to love and be loved by someone. People dream about love, read about love, and wish for love to find them. Love is the “big bang” of life. It’s when two people collide in a way that fundamentally alters the course of their lives. Love is a feeling, an emotion, a commitment, a longing, a desire, and a desperate need. Once you have fallen in love with someone, it doesn’t matter what happens, that person is always with you.  I remember the moment I let go of everything; my past, my fears, my hopes, and my dreams. I let myself fall. The only things there to catch me were an overwhelming force of love or a devastating mire of hurt and defeat. But love caught me and held me tight, now I never want to let it go. When I look into the eyes of my lover I see everything I ever want and everything I have in this life. If you have found love, believe in it, nurture it, and fight for it because if you let it slip away you may never find it again. Ronald Reagan the 40th president of the United States wrote the following to his wife Nancy: “I more than love you, I’m not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I’m waiting for you to return so I can start living again.” But love is not without its risks. There is a long trail of lost love, broken hearts, and deep regret. What do you do when you feel your love slipping away, or you wake up one day and realize you’ve lost it? How do you get it back? How do you put two broken hearts back together again? What can you do when you’ve lost that lovin' feelin'? Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent. Revelation 2:4-5

FixerUpperMarriage.org/Prayers Read I Peter 3:1-12

FixerUpperMarriage.org/money What is Money? Money is this powerful, mysterious force that controls and changes your life. It divides people into classes (the haves and the have nots). And nothing makes people more jealous than money. Money is an intoxication. Having it makes you feel powerful, independent, and free. Not having it makes you feel weak, helpless, and bound. It is like an addiction to a powerful drug. It controls you. Money is an abusive master. It manipulates you with fear and hopelessness. It beats you down, stresses you out, and dictates what you can or can't do. Money is an elusive substance- a mirage in the desert of life. When you find it, it is never really there. It’s a dream that never lives up to reality. It is never enough. Money is a terrible lover who steals your heart and never loves you back.  Money is a god who demands your worship at all costs. It takes your soul but only gives superficial things back. In a poll of divorced people conducted by MagnifyMoney, 21% of divorcées cite money as the cause of their divorce. Of course, we all know that money problems cause a lot of stress. And that stress can destroy your relationship. How crazy is it, that little pieces of paper can have so much power. But money only has the power that you give it. There are ways to keep it from hurting your love. Most money problems are self-inflicted but other times things happen, like injury, death in your family, sickness, or job loss. But regardless of how you get into financial hardship, that hardship doesn’t have to mean the end of your love. “Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.”--Norman Vincent Peale As a disclaimer, I am not a financial expert or advisor. My focus is on how money impacts your relationship. And as a confession, I am working on these things in my own marriage. So maybe this whole thing is for me! But I think you will definitely find this episode helpful. I will leave the links to any of the resources in the comments below.

8 Ways to Find and Develop Things You Can Have in Common in Your Marriage FixerUpperMarriage.org/Common Jason@FixerUpperMarriage.org

FixerUpperMarriage.org/Wrong email: Jason@FixerUpperMarriage.org

FixerUpperMarriage.org/thieves Email: Jason@FixerUpperMarriage.org

FixerUpperMarriage.org/vanilla email: Jason@FixerUpperMarriage.org

R-E-S-P-E-C-T FixerUpperMarriage.org/respect Friday, December 1st, 1978 I am 3 years old and I am looking out the side door of our house into our massive garage. My dad and mom are pulling up in our red Pontiac sedan. It was built like a tank and it felt like riding in a boat. Sitting in the back seat when my dad mashed the gas, was like riding a wave or something. I think every car was like a muscle car back then. So my dad parks the car in the garage and I am watching my mom gingerly get out of the passenger side. Soon, they are both huddled around the back seat looking at a pile of blankets. My dad carefully carries the pile of blankets up the steps in the garage that leads to the door where I am standing.   They seem excited as he gently places the blankets on the kitchen table and starts peeling the layers back. As I stretch to look at what was inside the blankets a stunning realization hit me. I am a proud big brother to little baby girl. As it turns out, being a big brother is harder than it looks. We did everything together but fought a lot. One year at Christmas there was a big gift under the Christmas tree. So looking at the tag, I realize that is for both of us. We both open it together and just like a big brother I am helping my little sister with her part. Inside, there’s this grey box that smells like new plastic. On the front in big letters, the words printed say, “NINTENDO”.  It was the popular video game console of the 80s. It came with a game called, “Super Mario Brothers”, and of course we fight about who would get to be player one. Only one person could play at a time, so you had to wait on player one to mess up! It is not like video games today where you hit the “save” button and come back later. You have three lives and when you died, you started from the beginning. So it would take a while for player one to finish sometimes. But I am a big brother, so I let her be player one because that is what big brothers do, they let their little sister go first. Then one day, she meets this “guy”, and I am asking lots of questions because that’s what big brothers do, they protect their little sister. She starts spending time with him instead of me, but that’s OK because she was happy and that’s what big brothers do, they let their little sister be happy. Before long, I am 24 years old and looking out the door of our church into our massive parking lot. And I am watching my little sister get into car in a wedding dress. She is leaving to live 4 hours away. That’s OK because that’s what big brothers do, they let their little sister go.  As it turns out, being a big brother isn’t about being a big brother at all. It’s about having a little sister and what being together means to you. It’s about the way you treat each other. Being a big brother is like being a husband. Marriage is really not about being a husband or a wife at all; it’s how you treat each other inside your marriage. To be a husband, you have to treat your wife like a wife,

FixerUpperMarriage.org/me Newsletter A Me 1st Story I dropped the phone on my bed. It was late and something had just snapped inside of me. I am letting go of my phone, but actually I am letting go of something much bigger. And it feels good. It had taken me almost a year to get to this point, but I am here now trying to make sense of how I feel.  I had just said something that at one time I wondered if I would ever be able to say. I didn’t know what would happen next, but it didn’t matter right now. Everything had just changed.  I buried the hurt from everyone, and now it was coming back out. I knew once I said what I was going to say, I would never be able to take it back. So I paused for a moment, took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and just let the words come out. It took all the courage I could muster but I finally did it. At that moment I let go of me. I let go of my past. I let go of everything that I was holding on to that made me feel safe. It was like stepping off a cliff not knowing where I would land.  Just a few minutes earlier I had slowly picked up the phone and punched in the number. My heart was racing and my hands were sweating as I listened to the ringing tone on the other end. The conversation wouldn’t really matter this time, only the last phrase. I kept repeating that phrase to myself in my head the whole time. When her voice picked up, I stumbled through the conversation for a while. Then I just said it. It was three little words that I knew would change me forever. I said, “I love you”.  And the response on the other end still echos in my mind 17 years later, “I Love you too.”  I gave in to love, and love gave in to me. “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves This is Why and How You Should Have a Me 1st Marriage.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/messy August 5th, 2004 around 9 PM I am curled up on the cold, hard floor in the corner of a hospital room. And I am crying. The thing is, I don’t cry. I am like Clint Eastwood in those old spaghetti westerns. I never flinch, never panic, and I always have a plan. But not today. Instead, I am sobbing and hoping that no one sees me. It all started a couple of months after our wedding day. I had married the woman of my dreams. We loved each other madly, kissed passionately, and did everything together. When she told me I was in complete shock. It was late at night and I went outside, in the dark, to water the bushes I had planted a couple of weeks before. I was gone awhile before I was able to come back in and deal with the news. From that moment on, our lives changed forever. We spent money that we didn’t have preparing for a baby- our baby to come. Then the most incredible thing happened one night on the way home from church. Amber felt the baby move! It made everything different. Our excitement hit a fever pitch! Soon that all changed early one morning when she woke in intense pain. After a frantic drive to the hospital, we found out she was in labor, but it was way too early. I held her hand for hours until she finally had the baby. He was a perfect little boy, but he was lifeless.  In the days, weeks, months, and years that followed we dealt with the pain, grief, and sorrow that accompany that kind of loss. It still hurts when I remember the cruel words of well-intentioned friends. It is the kind of loss that people just don’t know how to respond to. Somehow we made it through but not without scars and moments of complete frustration. We found out that life and love is messy. And it’s the mess that has defined our relationship over the years. The truth about love is that it is messy. So why is love so messy? Table of Contents

FixerUpperMarriage.org/mindful Newsletter It was late one Saturday night when I left my wife’s house. We had been seeing each other for a while but were not yet engaged. We were falling in love and it was hard to leave her, so I stayed as long as I could. The hardest part about long-distance relationships is saying goodbye. So we reluctantly lingered on her front porch, and I finally faded back to my truck. I had at least a 3-hour drive home, so I put on a CD to listen to. The player was set to loop, and in the end, it would just automatically start over. She lived in a small town near the Virginia/ North Carolina state line. It was about 40 minutes through tiny two-lane country roads to the interstate. When I got there, I settled into the leather seats of my truck and activated the cruise control. I could hear large transfer trucks passing by and could see the endless headlights coming at me from the other lanes. It would be like this for hours as I barrelled down Interstate 85. Everything looked the same, except the numbers on the mile markers went down and the inevitable construction zones just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. I think the road crews have been working in about the same spots for like 30 years. About an hour from home there was a Kangaroo gas station/truck stop. I had stopped there before to get gas or a sida to keep me awake. But tonight I just kept going. That sign was the last thing I saw. The next morning I woke up fully clothed in my bed. My suitcase was outside at the front door. To this day I can’t remember what happened for the last hour of that drive. Somehow I made it safely home, but I completely lost an hour of my life. I just missed whatever happened.  This is the way that life and marriage can get if you are not careful. You just miss what’s going in your life. It’s like you are sleep-driving through your marriage oblivious to anything and everything until you realize it’s gone. Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75 -Benjamin Franklin  Table of Contents 5 Ways to Become Relationship Mindful Turn off Your Cruise Control Be Intentional Set Expectations for Your Relationship Make Your “Tuesdays” Meaningful Live Like You Won’t Have Tomorrow 1. Turn off Your Cruise Control At some point in life, we all have a tendency to get comfortable, set the cruise control and just ride. The hope is that you will just end up where you are supposed to be. This is not healthy for your life or your relationship because life does not stay the same. And you will miss all those changes and opportunities to love and live life together. God Doesn’t Want You to Stay the Same And beside this,

FixerUpperMarriage.org/Rx No one would argue that the institution of marriage is in trouble today. The divorce rate is off the charts. Couples married for years are getting divorced or separated. I am even shocked at the number of couples in the ministry who are struggling with their marriage relationship. Most of the time you don’t see their problems until it is unavoidable in becoming public.  And that is just in what we can actually see. I think that there are many more marriages struggling that we don’t know about. Maybe a couple stays together because of a church position like a pastor. Or maybe they stay together to protect their pride and reputation. Regardless of the actual reasons for keeping a marriage together in public, they are broken and hurting in private. Eventually, those problems come out of hiding, whether it is to the children who are close to it or the general public in an explosive reveal.  It’s the heartbreaking loss of a beautiful love that becomes a news cycle within the circle of people that we know. Have you heard that they are no longer together? No, wait, you mean that couple? You can’t ignore marriage problems and expect them to get better on their own. Nor can you neglect your marriage relationship and expect to stay happily married. You may be happy for a time, but that neglect will show itself. Obviously, God didn’t intend for your marriage to just exist. No, God means for your marriage to thrive and for you to stay madly in love for a lifetime. So let’s find God’s prescription for a hurting marriage. Table of Contents God’s Prescription for a Hurting Marriage Laugh Often Together Give Good Reviews Make Your Marriage a Ministry 1. Laugh Often Together I have to admit that this is a prescription that has been hard for my wife and me to take lately. There are things about life that are sometimes hard to understand and accept. It’s the kind of thing that you can’t really share with people. Also, you may know that my nephew Jack was killed by a reckless driver a couple of months back. This makes most of the things we do in life seem so frivolous. The bottom line is, we have not laughed very much lately. But that doesn’t change the value of it. Laughter is the Best Medicine It’s an old saying that is actually backed by the Bible. If your marriage is hurting, laughing is like a medication that heals those hurts. Listen to what God says about it. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.  Proverbs 17:22 And not just laughing in general, but laughing together brings healing to the hurts of your marriage. Sometimes, Amber and I talk about our honeymoon, which, looking back, had a lot of laughable moments! For example, I was going to be romantic by carrying her over the threshold of the door into our hotel room on our first night together. Instead,

FixerUpperMarriage.org/soulmate The search for your soul mate is promoted everywhere. Dating websites promise to find them with compatibility tests. Even the premise of many fairy tales is to find your one true love. Young people daydream about finding the perfect one for them. So the soul mate idea becomes a fantasy. And your expectations for your potential spouse skyrocket to the moon.  The pressure mounts to find that one person out of 6,840,507,000 in the world. So you develop a wishlist for a potential soul mate.  In your mind, a fantasy of the perfect marriage partner evolves. This fantasy becomes the object of your search. Then comes the romantic notion that destiny will lead you to the one. The stars will align and the universe will put you together. How to Find Your Soulmate Stop Looking for Your Soulmate Look for Someone You Can Build a Lifetime Relationship With Find Your Soulmate in the Spouse You Already have. 1. Stop Looking for Your Soulmate The problem is in the fantasy part of a soul mate. There is no one that fits the fantasy that you have developed in your mind. Every person is flawed including you. The soulmate ideal that you have conjured in your imagination is not real.  Do the Math If there is only 1 perfect person for you. You have a 1 in 10,000 chance of finding them, that’s a .010 percent chance. Still, according to a 2011 Marist Poll nearly 3 out 4 people believe they will find their soulmate. So you come up with the perfect person, and destiny puts you together. If the numbers mean anything, it's not going to happen for you.  According to National Geographic, there is 1 in 3,000 chance you will be struck by lightning during your lifetime. So, if I am doing the math right, you are more likely to be struck by lightning 3 times in your life than to find your fantasy soulmate. Stay Away from Trick or Treat Dating It is the Halloween tradition for kids to wear costumes and go door to door through a neighborhood. They knock on a door and say “trick or treat” and when it is answered, the adult inside gives them candy. This is actually kinda scary, and it doesn't seem safe to ask a complete stranger for candy! But this is how dating or courting is handled today. You put on a costume, go to a stranger, who is wearing a costume, and ask them to give you your favorite candy. You don’t show them the real you, and they don’t show you the real them. All you really want is some of that fantasy candy you have been dreaming about! So you find it, and they give it to you. So you meet a person who checks off some of your soulmate requirements. And your mind races to a fantasy future with that person. You compare that person to your fantasy.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/leave Learn some Bible principles for divorce and separation. As a note, if you are affected by this I would advise you to counsel with your pastor before you make any decisions related to this. You have to live with the consequences of this decision, so you should seek godly counsel.  Also, if the story of your life has been touched by this, it is not my desire to hurt you or put you down. God works in your life where you are at right now, He doesn’t hold your past against you as far as your relationship with Him is concerned. God will not treat you differently because of mistakes in your past, I will not either. However, this is an important issue that needs to be dealt with.    Table of Contents:  What Does God Think About Divorce? God’s Principles for Separation. Value of Staying Together. 1. What Does God Think About Divorce? Everyone has an opinion these days, but what about God who invented marriage? It all started with the first man and woman when He put them together and created the covenant of marriage. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  Genesis 2:24 In the marriage ceremony, a vow is made between husband and wife. When this vow occurs God puts these two people together in the covenant of marriage. This is not just a legal matter of the state, but a matter of faith. Two become one in the bond of marriage. A man and woman who enter into this covenant are made one flesh by God. We all come together with family and friends to celebrate this union. This is because marriage is an integral part of our faith, it is not just something we do. For legal purposes, you get a wedding license and are recognized by the government as in marital status. However, God is the one who makes you one, not the government.   This is an important concept to understand in the modern marriage debate, as bad as some people want, the government cannot force God to accept what people call gay marriage today. God will not make a man and a man one flesh, nor will he make a woman and a woman one flesh. He made them male and female and this is God’s formula for marriage even though the government may make it legal.  God Hates Divorce Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/together When you are fixing up a house, you can find some unexpected issues.  Maybe you discover that there is no insulation in part of the house. Maybe the electrical wires or the plumbing pipes were installed wrong.  There could be a number of unexpected problems to show up. Likewise, when you are trying to fixing up your marriage, you may find unexpected problems that you did not realize were there.  There could be problems that your spouse has that you were unaware of until you tried to make things better. Today, learn three ways to fix your marriage together. 1. Find Your Common Enemy I have a friend who fought in the Gulf War in Iraq.  He has told me several times about how when he first enlisted they all had groups.  Everyone just found a specific group of people like themselves. For example, he is from New York, so he hung out with the guys from that area.  However, when they went into battle, there were no groups because they all had a common enemy to fight. Marriage can get this way, you are so busy fighting with each other that you forget that you have a common enemy.  You can become one by understanding that there are outside forces that are trying to destroy your marriage. You can learn how to fight them together. The Devil Is Your Enemy You must understand that the devil hates a godly marriage, and he hates the home.  Two people who join together in the marriage bond can work together to expand the Church of the living God more than one person alone.  Therefore he is actively seeking to destroy the Christian marriage and family. In understanding this as a couple you can put aside the things you may be fighting about and work together to solve the problems in your marriage. Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.  John 8: 44 Your Marriage Is a Target You may think that you are not worth the trouble of satan targeting you, but you are if you attempt to live for God and have a good marriage.  Don’t be naive about what the devil is doing to your marriage. If you don’t believe me, try making a choice to change something in your life for the better.   For example, try saying something like I am going to more faithful to church, and everything that can go wrong on Sunday morning will go wrong on Sunday morning.  Anytime you try to move forward for God, your adversary will try to block you. He knows that the mission of the Gospel could be advanced and he will do anything to stop it. Anytime you try to do something for God, you will face the opposition of the devil.  Mark it down, satan has a bullseye on your back and he has some fiery darts ready to throw at you.  Understanding this is the first step to defeating him in your life and marriag...

 A Guide to Adding Decor to Your Fixer Upper Marriage FixerUpperMarriage.org/decor Full Assurance:  A Simple Tool for Gaining Real Assurance of Salvation is on sale now.  It is available on Amazon. If you buy the paperback version between August 12th-16th(2019), you can get the Kindle (ebook) version for free, with an app you can save the book on your phone or tablet.  For more information visit FixerUpperMarriage.org/FullAssurance.  Just click on the paperback version and it should give you the ebook as you check out.  Assurance is something I personally struggled with for a few years. So this is a book from someone who has been there.  Our website now has a bookstore that I will be adding to overtime. Send any questions to Jason@fixeruppermarriage.org. When fixing up a house, the decorations are what really make it special.  All the choices you get to make, come together to make your house unique. You pick the paint colors, the pictures on the wall, the style of the drapes, and even the little decor in your kitchen.   In our living room, we have shadow boxes with baby items from all our children. There are also pictures that we have bought and that family members have given to us. Our kitchen cabinets are all topped with decorative baskets that my wife has collected over the years.  We have red storage containers and appliances. This is the way we want it. The decorations in our home are the results of all the little decisions that we have made about what we want.   Marriage is a lot like your house.  The little things that you want, that you add to your marriage make it unique and desirable to you.  All the little choices that you make add up to making your marriage the way that you want it. You chose to have those picture frames in the hallway.  You chose the style of that quilt in your bedroom. You have made choices that make your marriage what is, and those choices reflect what you want.   This is 3 Ways to Have the Marriage You've Always Wanted.  This is your guide for interior decorating in your marriage. This brings us to short Bible verse I discovered this week hidden within the writings of the minor prophets.   The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 This model from God is the key to decorating your marriage and getting what YOU want out of it. 3 Ways to have the marriage you've always wanted: 1. Learn to Change You This is like the secret ingredient to a happy marriage.  Decorate your marriage with change. Not just any change, but your own changes.   Like many of the minor prophet books of the Bible, (They are minor because of their length, not the value of their content) Zephaniah is filled with warnings of destruction for Israel because of them forsaking God.  However,

FixerUpperMarriage.org/ruin Marriage is like a house.  There are things you can do or not do, that can over time ruin the property.  When you don’t fix things when they break, or do preventive maintenance, your house can go from nice to run down and maybe even unlivable.  Your marriage is the same way, if you just ignore your problems or refuse to work at preventing them, your marriage can go from nice to run down, or maybe even unlivable!  Learn how to change the things that ruin your marriage. 1. Ignore Your Spouse Listening is a key part of succeeding in a marriage relationship.   It is like my relationship with God, knowing that He is listening to me, gives me comfort and security.   And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:  And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.  I john 5: 14-15 Knowing that your spouse cares enough about you to listen to what you have to say creates comfort and security in your relationship.  Likewise, if you don’t listen to your spouse it gives them the signal that you don’t care about what they have to say. The LISTEN Method L Look at your spouse- Make eye contact when you are listening.  Even if you are “multitasking”, giving your undivided attention lets your spouse know that you care. I Initiate conversations- Ask about how their day is going, or how things were at work.  This confirms that you actually care about the things you are asking about. S Support your spouse when listening.  Listen with understanding. Practice listening, so that you can summarize what your spouse is saying if needed. T Talk with your spouse.  Participate in the conversation.  This sends the unmistakable signal that you want to be involved with what is important to your spouse. E Engage in the conversation.  Ask follow up questions to learn about the context of the conversation. N Nourish the conversation.  Keep conversations with your spouse alive and new.  Learn to enjoy being a part of the conversation. Make listening your pastime. Stop talking about yourself You talk about the things that are important to you and expect your spouse to listen.  However, your spouse may have some things that are important to them. Sometimes it may be time to stop talking and listen to what your spouse has to say.   This is when listening becomes incredibly intimate.  To think that my spouse is so interested in me, that she would stop talking about the things that she cares about to find out what I care about!  This is an act so personal, it sparks a flame of passion that you can’t find anywhere else in this world.   Have you ever experienced God answering a prayer for yo...

FixerUpperMarriage.org/wait Waiting is hard to do and these days no one wants to do it.  We become irritated if we have to wait longer than 30 seconds in line at the store, upset if it takes 10 seconds for a page to load on our computers, and enraged if the car in front of us is doing the speed limit!  Coffee must be instant and food must be fast (which fast food is not really all that faster). Our expectations are to not have to wait on anything. However, waiting is one of the most important aspects of the christian life and marriage.  God wants you to learn how to wait. It is a part of the process of conforming us into the image of His Son.  Notice the following words from the book of James; My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;  Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.  James 1: 2-4 God is not making you wait to just toy with you, rather it is in His purposes and plans for you to wait on things.  His timing is always perfect even when our expectations may be different. Waiting is trusting that He knows what is best.   What does it mean to wait and what should you wait for?  Let's consider four things you should wait for in marriage. 1. Wait on Marriage   God designed the physical, intimate connections between a man and woman to be enjoyed inside the covenant of marriage. (see Genesis 2:25)  This is the part of marriage that Satan has viciously attacked. It has become common and acceptable in our society to sleep and live together before marriage.  This is not the design of God for the marriage covenant. Save yourself for your spouse before marriage The Bible explains this principle in I Corinthians 6: 12-20.  It goes all the way back to the beginning of mankind, when God put Adam and Eve together, two became one flesh.  God created this beautiful act of the joining of two inside the covenant of marriage. It is a connection of two people so intimate, that it is exclusive of anyone else in the entire world.  However, when you make this connection outside of the marriage covenant, you not only sin against God, but you rob yourself of the joy, intimacy, and pleasure that you could have had within His plan.  The Bible makes ii incredibly plain so that there can be no misunderstanding, or room for misinterpretation.  Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.  I Corinthians 6:18 Wait until you are married.  It is one of the things in life that is truly worth waiting for.  This is the most precious gift that you can give to your spouse, to be able to say “I am yours and only yours.”

FixerUpperMarriage.org/purpose Marriage is truly an amazing creation.  For God to imagine such an incredible way of living and reproducing on this earth.  He created man and woman to need each other and to seek to love each other. To fall in love, and give yourself to another for a lifetime is the most amazing relationship on the planet.   A moment between two people can develop into a love relationship that leads to a commitment and vow that binds two hearts together for a lifetime.  We are made to be together and to share in the happiness and sorrows of life.   Etched into my mind, is the day that I gave my heart on the wedding altar to my beautiful wife.  It was a moment in time that changed everything for me.  I remember the moment when I said the most meaningful and powerful words in the language of man, I love you.  It is in the sacred act of marriage that those words became truly meaningful. What is the purpose of marriage?  To you, it may be to fulfill a dream of having a family, to experience the joys in the expressions of love, or to have someone who really cares about you.   God however, has a purpose for marriage that is much more meaningful and impactful on eternity.  The only way to understand this is to know Him as your personal savior. To have that moment in your life, when you experience the love of Jesus and the forgiveness of sin through salvation.  It is just like that moment when I saw my bride, took her hands, and gave my heart to her. This is the moment when you give your heart Jesus. What is the purpose of marriage? Today we will discover three purposes for the christian marriage.  These reasons I find personally convicting and that I fall short of fulfilling. 1. To Share in the Mission In the book of Acts, before Jesus left this world, he made a promise to his disciples to give them the Holy Spirit.  It had always been there, but upon His ascension, they would have the Spirit in their hearts. In and through this act, they would experience the powerful impact of Jesus living through them. And he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power.  But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.  Acts 1: 7-8 Make Disciples for Him Throughout my life as a christian I have heard people and especially preachers begging and pleading for power.  They pray for power to become a great preacher, power to have a personal legacy, and power to have a meaningful life.  The power of the Holy Ghost is something entirely different and much more impactful on this world and eternity. Jesus had found these men and women, and made disciples out of them.  Now He promises the power of the Spirit so that they could find and make disciples for Him!  The power is to impact lives for eternity through the Gospel message not for your own personal glorif...

FixerUpperMarriage.org/endafight What happens when two people are fixing up a house?  Inevitably, there will be disagreements in style and use.  It could be the color scheme, the decorations, or the layout.  The marriage relationship has a similar problem, in that it is composed of two people who are probably very different.  In fact, most people tend to marry their opposite! The interest and attraction comes from how different your spouse is than you.  Consider the following: God made men and women different biologically, chemically, and emotionally and it is these differences that generate natural curiosity and attraction.  However, these same differences can cause relationship conflicts. People are defined by life events and circumstances.  These all make you who you are and add to your uniqueness as an individual.  This does however, make your point of view unique and likely different than your spouse. Your personality makes you unique.  It is the one thing that most obviously displays your defining characteristics. I am an introvert who fell hopelessly in love with a beautiful extrovert, my opposite personality!  The way she opened up to me, and related so joyfully to life, made me desire in her what I was missing. Having said that, opposite personalities can generate friction and disagreements. So, the inevitable happens and you fight.  This is when your relationship is pushed to its limits.  Your love is put in the pressure cooker of life. How you respond means everything to your marriage and your love life. Three Ways to End a Fight and Make Up 1.Use the Power of Compliments In the Book of Revelation God sends a message to seven different churches.  In these letters God criticizes the churches, and He lays out a principle for criticism that can be applied to the marriage covenant.  In addressing the church are Ephesus He says,  I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:  And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.  But this thou hast, that thou hatest the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.  Revelation 2: 2-6 Notice that he compliments the church first, and last.  Stuck right in the middle is the message of criticism to the church.  This is the pattern of criticism in love, to blanket it in compliments. Everything Your Spouse Does is Not Wrong You can spend so much time criticizing each other, that it is like you ignore all the good things that your spouse does.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/habits Fixing up a house means accounting for the things that people do every day.  This includes the furniture that you relax on, the bed that you sleep in, and even the refrigerator that you open multiple times a day.  Love and marriage is also filled with things that you do every day that have an impact on it.  These  things that you do everyday are called habits.  According to Mirriam Webster’s online, a habit is a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior.  Some habits are good, while others can be bad or even dangerous.  When a habit really takes over, it becomes automatic. At their best, habits can be incredibly helpful and at their worst, can become an addiction.  Habits come in all sorts, and most of the time you did not make a deliberate effort to start them, you just started.  I have to personally admit that I have some habits that I would like to change in my life. So let's learn why and how you should correct the bad habits in your marriage. 1.  Acknowledge that Your Bad Habits Are a Problem in Your Marriage There is an unmistakable principle in the Bible of acknowledging your mistakes and failures.  In fact it is the first step in forgiveness. By acknowledging your sin, you become a candidate for Grace and forgiveness.  This is perfectly illustrated in what has become known as the Roman’s Road (a few simple Bible verses that explain the way of salvation).   For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Romans 3:23 You absolutely cannot get forgiveness for sins, until you understand that those sins are bad, and need to be forgiven.  Also, in recognizing that your habits are having a negative impact on your life and marriage, you see the need to correct whatever negative behaviors you have adopted into your routines.  In one of the most relatable and memorable Psalms, this principle is relayed pointedly. I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Psalm 32:5 Your bad habit is like a 3rd party in your marriage Once a negative habit has infiltrated your marriage, it becomes a part of your love relationship.  No longer are you husband and wife, but, husband, wife, and __________ habit.   For instance, if you develop a habit or addiction to your smartphone, it is no longer just the two of you going out to eat, it is you, your spouse, and your phone.  It is no longer just the two of you in bed, it is you, your spouse, and your phone. It is no longer just the two of you on the couch watching a movie, it is the two of you with you spending time with your smartphone.   Whatever the habit is that impacts your marriage in a negative way, it becomes that 3rd party.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/restore An older house may need some restoration work in order to make it into a desirable place to live.  Likewise, after some time, it becomes necessary in marriage to do some restoration work.  Today, we will learn about some principles for restoring the love in your marriage.  Everyone’s marriage is at different stages or conditions, but you can use these principles regardless to offer some restoration of love and commitment in your relationship. 1. Observe the Golden Rule This is one of the most culturally overused principles, but it is a great one to use in your marriage.  Although the Bible does not use the words “Golden Rule”. The principle itself is found within its pages. Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12 This is from one of the greatest sermons ever preached.  It was preached by Jesus, and it is as relevant now as it was back then.  In the context of the “therefore”, Jesus was talking about prayer and how God as our Heavenly Father wants to give good gifts to his children.  So the principle is, that you should give to others, what you would want to receive from them. This is a principle translates perfectly to marriage. Develop a list of the things that you want your spouse to do for you Let's begin this by being selfish.  What are the things that you want your spouse to do for you?  How do you want to be treated?  Maybe you could write down these things, or just make a mental list in your mind.  There are probably some things in your marriage that your mate is failing to do that are real obvious to you.   You may really want something as simple as a back-rub, or something as challenging as a weekend getaway.  Whatever those things are, its OK to consider those things. Chances are, your list has a few main things at the top, but can go on for awhile. Now you can flip the table and give those same things to your spouse to best of your ability.  For example, you could offer a relaxing back-rub to your spouse. In giving yourself away you discover the real meaning of love. Learn to study your spouse Become a student of the person that you love.  Notice the things that they like and want. The following are a few guidelines for studying your spouse. When you are out shopping, notice what your spouse stops to look at It is easy to become distracted in looking at the things you are interested in at the store.  Stop and watch how your spouse reacts to things. in this way, you can find things that they want, without them telling you.  It is incredibly intimate to be able to give your spouse something that they want, without them having to ask for it.  It says that you care about what they want, and that you are interested in them.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/view The view from your house can add tremendous personal and financial value.  Therefore, it may be necessary to add a window or glass doors to accentuate the view of a lake, lawn, or even a wooded area.  Also, you may need to add landscaping or a water feature in order to create that view. The idea for this lesson came from our recent family vacation in the Blue Ridge Mountains where we enjoyed an amazing view from our cabin.   It is also important to create a view in your marriage.  This may require you to make some changes to improve the view or add some features that enhance that view.  Today, we will look at how you can enjoy the view in your marriage. As a disclaimer, it goes without saying that I take the side of the Bible in the modern so called marriage debate, that is the principle that is repeated throughout the Bible, that marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman for life. 1. Understand that All Things Are a Matter of Perspective Our cabin was high up and on a steep grade, so when you looked down, the road and the cars looked like tiny matchbox cars.  There were even some heavy equipment nearby that from our view, looked tiny. Also, there was a fairly large hotel in the distance that looked unbelievably minuscule. Life and marriage are similar to this in that there are different ways of looking at things. You can discover different perspectives on what you are going through.  This can help you better understand what you are experiencing. Imagine your life from God’s perspective The LORD looketh from heaven; he beholdeth all the sons of men.  From the place of his habitation he looketh upon all the inhabitants of the earth. Psalm 33:13 Remember the former things of old: for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me,  Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure: Isaiah 46: 9-10 God looks down at our lives and sees things from an eternal perspective.  He sees the end from the beginning (see Isaiah 46: 9-10). From His perspective He can see not only what has happened, but what will happen.   At our rented cabin, one of my daughters would stand out on the balcony, waiting for the moment when her grandparents were turning into the entrance road. Even though her grandparents could only see what was right in front of them, she was able to see where the were going from her perspective.   God can see what we cannot see.  Therefore, you can trust Him to direct your life because He knows what is going on!  Today, we are bombarded with influences, but He is the best influence for you and your marriage. Having a deeper love and relationship with Him will deepen the love that you have for your spouse, because He becomes a constant in your relationship.

FixerUpperMarriage.org/Electrical Faulty electrical wiring can cause serious problems in a house that range from annoying to dangerous. You may have to add wiring or a special receptacle for certain appliances like a stove, a dryer, or a hot tub.  Recently, my parents had a some lights and small appliances that were not working. After investigating and a couple of phone calls, I discovered an electrical outlet that was completely blown out, it was even charred and burned.  According the Electrical Safety Foundation International (FSFI) electrical systems are the third leading cause of fires in the United States and cause hundreds of deaths, injuries, and over $700 million in property damage every year. In a similar manner, faulty wiring in your marriage can cause serious damage to occur in your relationship.  Not having the right kind of outlets or ignoring warning signs can lead to major problems in your marriage.  Moreover, not periodically inspecting for potential problems in your marriage can lead to tragedy and lost love.  Today, we will learn how to identify and fix electrical problems in your marriage. 1. Learn How to Replace Faulty Things in Your Marriage Instead of Giving up If you find out that you have electrical problems in your house, you don’t just give up on the house.  Instead, you replace the faulty items. Marriage is the same way, but for some reason when something goes wrong people think that they should just give up on each other.  Instead of working together to fix the problem, you create a whole new set of problems that come with divorce or separation including: The shame of your problems becoming public. Your problems that were private are now on full display for your friends and family. The pieces of your marriage that are left behind.  What about the impact on your children?  They will have to live with it the rest of their lives. The emotional baggage that you create for yourself.  For the rest of your life, the past is hanging around your neck.  All the unresolved hurt and past problems go with you in your future relationships and even friendships with people. I am not advocating that you learn to live with the problems in your marriage but that you work with God and your spouse to replace the things that are wrong in your marriage.  Applying Bible principles may not be the easiest way, but it is the best way to fix the problems in your marriage. The problems that you bring in to marriage There may have been some electrical problems from the start.  The house may have been wired wrong to begin with,

Cleaning Out Your Fixer Upper FixerUpperMarriage.org/ThrowOut Cleaning up a house involves throwing useless and unnecessary things out.  To do this you must go through everything and make many little decisions about what to keep and what to throw out. In fact the time of this lesson (May of 2019) there is a social media and television phenomenon called the KonMari method.  It is based on the teaching of author and reality TV star Marie Kondo and includes going through your possessions after you pile everything up and helps you make decisions about throwing things out based on what sparks joy to you.  In fact, it has become so popular that donation centers have become overrun with goods. I have to admit here, that my wife and I have been making loose plans to do something similar in our house.  We have even practiced the KonMari folding method! Overtime, clothes that you no longer wear, and items that no longer work just add up to the point that some things need to be thrown out. There are also things in your marriage that you need to decide to throw out so that you can have better marriage.  Getting rid of these things can make a huge difference in your relationship. It only requires some decisions and effort on your part. In this lesson, we will consider three things you should throw out of your marriage. 1. Peer Pressure As a teenager I remember vividly the pressure of my peer group to wear certain clothes or shoes, listen to current culturally acceptable music, and even to have an attitude toward adults.  Although, it is most obvious in youth, it is actually just impactful in grown ups! This pressure actually follows you throughout your life as you psychologically seek to be accepted by whatever peer group you choose to involve yourself in.   The difference between need and want As a teenager, it was sneakers that I wanted because my peers had them.  I remember my parents expression at me wanting $100.00 shoes that were really no better than the $20.00 ones!  It the same basic pressure in adulthood, but compounded in larger ways. Things like, a name brand clothing, electronics, late model cars, and even houses that we have to have simply because everyone else has them. This pressure can have a huge impact on your marriage.  You can purchase things that are not realistic to your budget.  In buying things, or involving yourself in things just because you want to be viewed as “cool” as we used to say, can put enormous pressure on your marriage.  How are you going to pay for these things? You may have to do without things that you really need to have things that you only want. Understanding the difference between what you need and want can help you to spurn the pressure of being like everyone else.  For example, I really want a classic 1967 Chevy Camaro to drive back and forth to work. However, I have what I need to commute to work in our 15 year old minivan.  Likewise,

Nothing makes a house look nicer faster than a fresh coat of paint. The outside of a house may be painted and the inside walls can be painted and can really make a huge different in the way a house looks. Likewise, you can make your marriage better by painting over resentment and hurt. You bring things into your marriage and you create things in marriage that may cause damage in your marriage relationship. Prepwork I have a friend who is a professional painter by trade. He told me that the key to getting a good paint job is in the way that you prepare before you paint. You must thoroughly clean the walls or surface you are going to paint first. You have to carefully tape around the window panes. Also, you have to repair any cracks or holes before you attempt to paint. Before you can paint over resentment and hurt in your marriage, you have to prepare first. You have to confront the hurt and resentment in your marriage before you can paint over them. The reason people attempt to just paint without the prep is because of the work. It is much easier to just ignore your feeling and hurts than it is to face and deal with them. Once you confront the way you are feeling, then and only then can you can begin to heal. The following are some tips to confronting your feelings: Talk to God about the way you feel God already knows about your hurt and resentment, so He is the perfect person to open up to. Tell Him exactly how you feel and that you have been hurt by your spouse or by outside incidents that affect your marriage. By opening up to Him you can strengthen your relationship with Him and find healing for your heart before you try to “paint” over it in your marriage. One of the names of God is even “Counselor”. (See Isaiah 9:6) Hurts are typically tied to one incidents whereas resentment builds up overtime and has a tendency to explode if not dealt with. Confront the person who has hurt you One of the most pointed principles of scripture and the teachings of Jesus is the command to confront the person who has hurt you. In fact, the implication is that unless you have dealt with that hurt and resentment, you cannot give gifts to God. Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. Matthew 5:23-24 We find this same principle in dealing with Church discipline: Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. Matthew 18:15 Even in a straight regards to the relationship of a husband and a wife in the covenant of marriage, God makes this principle plain. That if you refuse to make things right with your spouse, He will refuse to respond to you until you do.

How You Can Open Up the Floor Plan in Your Marriage Learning How to Communicate with Your Spouse FixerUpperMarriage.org/openup One excellent thing you can do to a fixer upper house is to create new open spaces by tearing down walls and expanding living spaces. For example, instead of having a living room, dining room, and breakfast room, you could open up one large living area. Even opening up the kitchen can do amazing things to a home, because while working in the kitchen, you could still be a part of conversations in the living area of the house. Moreover, your marriage needs better open living spaces to foster better communication. Today we will learn a few ways to create some of those living spaces in your marriage. Realize How God Made Man and Woman Different Genesis 2: 15 & 20-25 The do-it-yourself man When God created man, notice that one of the first things He did was to give him a job, to dress and keep the Garden of Eden. Every day, Adam had a job to do because he was a gardener by trade. This is what Adam did, and he was competent as well as knowledgeable about it. He needed no instruction manual because he was the ultimate and first do-it-yourself man. So this is where it all began, and why men desire to be needed, competent, knowledgeable, and an expert at something. God created the creature of man with an innate desire to solve problems and fix things. As a child, I vividly recall my mother complaining that dad refused to stop for directions. He would attempt to find his way on his own even if it meant it took us longer to get to our destination. This was the DIY spirit of man at its most obvious. He loved his family, and it was his job to get us to our destination safely. He wanted to do it himself because he needed to feel competent and needed. He wanted to be important to his family. By giving up easily, it would be like admitting that he could not do his job as husband and dad by getting us where we needed to be. Furthermore, men need the feeling of being an expert at something. The thought process goes like this, “this is what I do, this is what I am good at, and when I need help I will ask for it.” For example, since I work at the Post Office, I am an expert at shipping things, I can give you all sorts of shipping advice and even explain the entire process of how mail moves through our network. However, when my central air went out, I called my friend, Patrick, who is an expert at heating and air. As a man, I value other experts. This is the spirit of the DIY man. The in-touch woman Conversely, when God created a woman, he gave her a relationship instead of a job. It only took God a short dependent clause to describe Adam’s job, but it took Him five verses to describe Eve’s role. This was complete with background and details! God has a great sense of humor as can be seen in this irony! The details would define who she was and what she was about. Eve could have kept the garden, but God gave that job to Adam. Instead,

One of the most basic structural requirements of a house is the roof. Its materials range from banana leaves to architectural shingles. It protects its occupants from rain, wind, snow, and sunlight. Your house must have a functioning roof in order to be a house. Likewise, your marriage relationship must have a functioning roof in order to survive as a home. Today, learn three reasons you need a roof in your marriage FixerUpperMarriage.org/roof I Peter 3: 8-12 1. Your Marriage Needs Protection (1.57 minutes) The intent of a roof is to protect even though the things it may be protecting from may not be happening at the time. It is designed to protect from potential weather hazards. The covenant of marriage provides a legitimate place to meet each others physical/ emotional needs. If these needs are being met, you have no need to look anywhere else. When marriage is new, this is easy to do, but as the months and the years pass it can become more like work. This is when your wedding vows take effect, when the covenant of marriage really becomes meaningful. This is when your husband doesn’t seem like prince charming anymore, and your wife doesn’t look like snow white. Also, this is when the fairy tale ends and the grind of real life begins. You must therefore prepare your relationship for problems that you don’t see right now. Just like a roof is installed when it is not raining, but it is made to protect from rain. You have to take steps to prepare your marriage for things that could happen. The following are my top seven problems that could happen to your marriage, and ways you can prevent them: (4.58 minutes) Infidelity By planning in advance for potential problems of infidelity, you can prevent them from tearing your marriage apart. You can go out of your way to meet the emotional needs of your wife by giving her attention and doing and sayings things that make her feel special and appreciated. Likewise, you can go out of your way to meet the physical needs of your husband by giving him the attention that he desires and needs from you. By meeting these needs within the covenant of marriage, you eliminate the human tendency to find them elsewhere. In doing this you put a protective roof over your relationship. Addictions Marriage is the most intimate relationship on the planet. You know each other in ways that are hidden from everyone else in the circle of people in your life. It is in this aspect of marriage that addiction can be identified and prevented. In completely sharing your lives with one another, you add a layer of accountability within the marriage covenant. The bottom line is not to keep secrets from your spouse. If you are struggling with some temptation, let them know and they will become your accountability partner. Being the person who is the closest to you, they can help prevent you from having this problem if you allow them to.

When fixing up a house, sometimes things go wrong. You may find broken pipes, termites, or other hidden problems that you previously did not expect. Unexpected problems and setbacks can really mess up your budget and your plans. In marriage, you can expect unexpected problems to occur, because they will. These problems come in all shapes and sizes. The following are some examples: Broken marriage covenant Grief/ loss Physical/ emotional problems Faith/ church problems You can restore and recover from problems in your marriage with God’s help. How You Can Overcome Problems in Your Marriage When Things Go Wrong with Your Fixer Upper 1. Make Sure You Keep Growing in Your Faith in God Dangers of Having a Stagnant Faith Your faith should always be growing. There are times when my faith regresses or I just settle for where I am at. However, growing your faith is critical for being a thriving christian and having a godly marriage for that matter. God is always speaking to me about something I need to correct in my life and heart. Therefore, when you respond to the working of the Spirit in your life, that is when your faith grows. Also, when you are actively responding to the Spirit you are growing in ways that you may or may not see. If you have ever planted a garden from seed, then you know what this is all about. For weeks before you see anything, the seed is growing in the ground where you cannot see. In like manner, faith grows sometimes for weeks or months before you see the results. God is working as long as your heart is willing and open to Him. The danger is that you settle for a stagnant faith and you are not able to respond right to problems in your life and your marriage. The Bible admonishes Christians to add to their faith. Read the following passage carefully. And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. II Peter 1: 5-8 Learn To Be Consistent in Seeking the Lord There is great value in doing things everyday to have a relationship with Lord even when you having problems. At times it may feel like you are wasting your time, but in reality God is working in your heart in ways that you may not be able to comprehend at the moment. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. Psalm 1: 3 You should be considering your relationship the Lord in the long run. Just like that tree that slowly grows outward and its roots become more establish...

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. Psalm 127: 3-5 The decision to add on to a house can be both challenging and rewarding. Also, adding on to your marriage with children can be both challenging and rewarding. It all starts with an amazing love story. Two people fall hopelessly in love and enter into the marriage covenant to become husband and wife. The couple hold hands, look into each other's eyes, and repeat their vows to continue their love as long as they both shall live. Two lives become one in the most incredible union and in the most intimate of ways. Through marriage, you find a feeling of completion and satisfaction in emotional and physical ways that are unmatched in any other earthly relationship. Then it happens and everything changes. It is in the natural instinct of man and woman to create new life. Two lovers become two parents. After nine months of anticipation, waiting, and planning, the day finally arrives. I remember all the countless hours I spent reading to my unborn children. I remember all the time we spent talking and planning our life with a new child. I remember feeling those first baby kicks as my ecstatic wife placed my hand on her pregnant belly. I remember the magical moments when each of my children were born and recognized the voice of their father. Time stood still, unforgettable memories were seared into our minds, and our lives were changed forever at the birth of our children. Even though building on to your little fixer upper marriage is exciting and joyful, the changes it creates are astronomical in effect. You are no longer just husband and wife, but mom and dad. The little bundle of joy that you wrap up and bring home is a time bomb of change to marriage. These are three ways you can have a great marriage after having children. www.FixerUpperMarriage.org/children 1. Learn How to Work Together as a Team Prayerfully Decide Together about Having Children It is a great idea to discuss the prospect of having children before you get married! When my wife and I were dating, she revealed to me that she wanted to have 10 children! After I picked my jaw off the floor and talked about it, we both discovered that we loved kids and wanted to have as many as God wanted us to have. And this would become something we would pray about together throughout the course of our marriage. I have known couples who believe you should have as many babies as you physically can. But after losing our first child and spending approximately 3 months in the hospital with our second pregnancy, we decided together to pray for specific guidance before attempting to have more children. It is wise in my opinion to consider the emotional and physical health of your wife when considering having children. Communicate Your Expectations of Each Other

Doors are an important part of any house or building and are used on the exterior as well as the interior to separate rooms. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. The bronze doors of the National Archives Building in Washington DC are over 37 feet tall and weigh over 6 tons. Many homes even include tiny doors to allow pets to go in and out. Doors provide access, privacy, security and add to the decor of a building. The Bible describes the magnificent doors to Solomon's Temple as made of olive wood with carvings and overlaid with gold. (I Kings 6: 31-35) Your love and marriage also has doors that are a critical part of its function and construction. Listen in as we learn why and how you should fix the door problems in your marriage. Special thanks to my lovely wife and daughters who became my focus group for this lesson! They are my world, my reason, and my purpose! Book Recommendation: Wolves Among Lambs by Pastor and author Stacey Shiflett. This is a book about dealing with sexual abuse and cover-ups in churches as well as tips for processing abuse for victims. You can purchase it through the link above or visit WolvesAmongLambs.com. This is a great resource to own if you or someone you love has been affected by this, or if it impacts your marriage. FixerUpperMarriage.org/doors 1. Your marriage needs consistency Doors are the most used and functional part of a home. Every morning I wake and use the bathroom door. Then I use the closet door as I find my clothes for the day. Most importantly, I use the refrigerator door to get some food! Finally, I use the front door as I leave for work. Be consistent in the little things Those things that you do every day make a huge difference in your marriage. The things that you may do without realizing it, yet those actions done everyday make your love what it is. Even those little things that require intentional effort to maintain. Maybe its the kiss that you share as you walk out the door, the way you hold hands when you go places, or they way that you laugh together. The following are a few little things you can do consistently to make your love stronger: Contact your spouse throughout the day to let them know that you are thinking about them. Leave a note occasionally to express your love. Make an intentional effort to touch your spouse in affectionate ways. Tell your spouse that you love and appreciate them. Be consistent in your faith But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanseth us from all sin. I John 1:7

Fixing up a house requires updating and upgrading many of its features. You must see and find the better house in the house that you already own. In a similar way your marriage relationship may require you to identify and update many of its features and find the better things in what God has already given you. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. Ephesians 5: 25-26 FixerUpperMarriage.org/update 1. Learn how to speak their love language Learn what love language you and your spouse speak In the international bestselling book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman reveals 5 love languages that he identified through counseling. This is a book that I would highly recommend as I find it relatable and fun. The 5 love languages are listed below: Words of Affirmation Quality Time Receiving Gifts Acts of Service Physical Touch For example, it is like trying to tell someone that you love them who literally speaks a different language. You may both love each other, but are expressing it in ways that neither of you can understand. Also, consider a couple talking over two-way radios that are tuned to different channels. Both parties may be talking clearly, but neither is getting the message on their receiver. Learn how to appreciate your spouse's love language We all have different dialectics of love languages We all express love in our own ways based on our past experiences and personalities. Possibly, someone significant to you never used words of affirmation so now you value this form of expressing love. Maybe someone significant to you always showed love through acts of service, now you do the same. Although we may use all of the love languages, we all have a primary love language that we speak. For example, my father, who loved all his children very much, never said it! Growing up, I don't ever remember hearing him say that he loved me or was proud of me. As a result of this I go out of my way to give words of affirmation. I will tell my girls that I love them and when they do something good, or that I am proud of them. Therefore, I have a tendency to primarily express love in this manner. Whereas my primary love language is words of affirmation, my wife's is quality time. Stopping what I am doing and giving her my undivided attention is the best way for me to show her that I love her. When I show her love in this way, she gets it because I am speaking her language now. We all have a tendency to filter everything thro...

FixerUpperMarriage.org/romance Romance is the fuel that feeds the flames of passion and love. Romance is the yearning of the young heart and the ambition of the aged. Romance is the key that turns the lock of loneliness and liberates the secrets of the soul. Listen in as we uncover the mystery of romance from the pages of the Bible. Ephesians 5: 31,32 and Genesis 2: 23,24 In the beginning, God gathered the dust of the ground, shaped the body of a man, and breathed into him the incredible breath of life. Then from man God made one of His most intriguing creations, woman. Together the two made an amazing union, as they became husband and wife. This was a match defined by the most powerful emotions in the known to man: love, passion, and romance. So this is how it all it began, a story where these same emotions perfected would redeem mankind from sin, despair, and an eternity in the flames of Hell. This is the Mystery of Romance... The Mystery in the Pursuit of Romance The Pursuit of Romance in Creation In creating man, the feeling of loneliness was realized. This is not just a feeling of no one to talk to, but a deep loneliness for sharing. It became clear that man needed a companion of his equal, a person to share his life with. He needed a person who he could trust with all his hopes, dreams, and aspirations; a person he could become uninhibited in his vulnerability with. God looked down at His creation of man and saw this deep need, and went into action. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. Genesis 2: 18 The great Creator put Adam to sleep and from his rib made a new creature, a women. As Adam woke, his eyes were filled with the most amazing thing he had ever seen, and the feeling of love with all it passion of romance was conceived. This is a love that transcends just friendship, it was a love between a man and his wife, a lifetime commitment of togetherness, two lives became one. They would become best friends, to share every moment of life's experiences with. Adam had a person to care for. They would know each other like no one else in the world could ever know. With one creative act, God solved the problem of loneliness with the invention of the bond of marriage. Two lives intertwined in ways that are designed to fulfill natural needs for companionship and intimacy. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man, made he woman, and brought her unto the man. Genesis 2: 21-22 Nevertheless, the devil would deceive us with cheap, ugly replacements for the beautiful design of holiness in marriage. The deception of living together without the lifetime commitment of marriage.

As you fix up a house, there is a temptation to compare what you are doing with others. This can create a problem which we call, "keeping up with the Jones." Meaning that you do things or buy things that you can't afford just because someone else does it. Moreover, comparing your marriage to others can create similar problems. Join the Fixer Upper Marriage Class as we learn how to avoid this "keeping up" problem in marriage. FixerUpperMarriage.org/compare (10) For his letters, say they, are weighty and powerful; but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible. (11) Let such an one think this, that, such as we are in word by letters when we are absent, such will we be also in deed when we are present. (12) For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. (13) But we will not boast of things without our measure, but according to the measure of the rule which God hath distributed to us, a measure to reach even onto you. (14) For we stretch not ourselves beyond our measure, as though we reached not unto you: for we are come as far as to you also in preaching the gospel of Christ; II Corinthians 10: 10-14 1. What you are comparing may not be real. See verses 10 and 11 above Their public profile may not match their real one. The following are a few facts to consider. In late 2017 and 2018 Facebook discovered and suspended 1.3 billion fake accounts, admitting that at least and estimated 66 million remain. Estimates are that 9-15 percent of 336 million twitter accounts are fake. In December 2017, German intelligence warned that Chinese agents were using LinkedIn account profiles to target government employees. The Israeli military discovered that Hamas was using Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp profiles to get soldiers to download malicious software. Facts above are from https://phys.org/news/2018-09-people-fall-fake-profiles-online.html Social media allows you to shape your own persona. You get to control what people see about your life. Everyone is looking for that Instagram moment. People even choose vacation spots for there potential social media sharing potential. According to TravelAgent.com 36 percent of millennials (age 18-34) have attempted to deceive their followers about vacations by posting pictures that made things look better than what they are. See this stat and more here. For example, I was recently made aware of a prayer request, that was completely opposite of what I was seeing on social media. Prolonged viewing of social media posts can increase depression. According to a study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health published in 2016, social media use significantly increases depression. View the study here. A simple internet search will reveal more SM connect to depression and anxiety.

Many marriages are broken. This is a brokenness that can only be repaired by the God of Heaven. Therefore, you must look to Him in prayer and the pages of the Bible to find the "fix" for the problems in your marriage. Join the Fixer Upper Marriage Class as we learn about things you should be praying for in your marriage from Galatians 5: 22-23. This is the final installment in a three part series about this subject. FixerUpperMarriage.org/prayer3 For part one of this series: FixerUpperMarriage.org/prayer For the previous lesson in this series: FixerUpperMarriage.org/prayer2 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 1. Pray that you will stay faithful to one another. God is faithful. This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. Lamentation 3: 21 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have for he hath said, I will never leave thee, not forsake thee. Hebrews 13: 5 Faithfulness is in God's character. God is faithful to me all the time. He has made promises to me that He will keep no matter what happens. God is faithful to me despite my own unfaithfulness. If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself. II Timothy 2: 13 You should be faithful to your spouse. Consider the dangers of an emotional affair. An emotional affair often precedes a physical one. Signs that you are falling into an emotional affair. When a simple friendship turns into more. When you are investing emotional energy in someone besides your spouse. You contact this friend when you are not together. You talk to this friend about personal problems like your marriage. You create ways to be with this friend. You think about your friend when you are not together You compare your friend with your spouse. You neglect your spouse for this other friend.

Marriage is filled with challenges that are beyond our knowledge and ability to navigate alone. Just like the many problems that can come with fixing up a house, you will experience many problems in your marriage as you seek to "fix up" your love. However, there is help available from the great Designer of love and marriage, God. We find this help through prayer and the awesome Word of God! Join us via live recording as we continue learning about things you should be praying about in your marriage. https://FixerUpperMarriage.org/prayer2 For the first lesson on this subject visit: http://FixerUpperMarriage.org/prayer But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians 5: 22-23 1. Pray that longsuffering will be your goal. Longsuffering- (adjective) Bearing injuries or provocation for a long time; patient; not easily provoked. (http://webstersdictionary1828.com/) And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, Exodus 34: 6 God is longsuffering. Your longsuffering is a reflection of His character. Marriage is an incredible opportunity to learn and practice longsuffering. Living together with a lifetime commitment with all your bad habits and personal flaws has a way of testing your longsuffering. For example I snore loudly, and obsess over things I don't understand. In living together as a married couple you learn to understand about God's longsuffering to us and how to be more like Him. Is compatibility a myth? When you consider how much we change throughout life- Is it possible for you to know the future me? It is possible to have longsuffering and commitment to your spouse. There are no shortcuts in longsuffering. For example, I used cliffsnotes in high school literature class instead of reading the assignments. However, in the process I cheated myself out of a better grade and the experience. I later discovered that I love American Literature by the way. You may find some "cliffsnotes" for marriage, but you will cheat yourself out of the experience and joy of working through your problems together. You can just get a passing grade and miss God's best for your marriage! There is folly in starting over in marriage. This may seem easier than working through your problems together, but you cheat yourself out of the experience of overcoming your differences. Longsuffering means that you are in it for the long run of Marriage. It may take time to have a good marriage,

Sometimes you have to consult a specialist when you are fixing up a house. This is someone who has knowledge or capabilities that are beyond your own. A specialist may have access to equipment, tools, and resources that you don't. Likewise, there is a specialist for marriage, and He is the God who designed it! Listen along with the class as we learn some things you should be praying about in your marriage. We find these things identified in Galatians 5:22-23. FixerUpperMarriage.org/prayer 1. Pray that Love Will Define Your Relationship. Godly Love does not leave room for lust. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Galatians 5:19 God gives us the gift of physical love in marriage, but lust is the Devil's cheap replacement for that gift from God. Love is you giving yourself away, and lust is getting what you want. God's design is that you make a commitment to one another and you chose to love each other and you enjoy that gift from God. However, this world's system says that lust is normal and acceptable. For example, the TV characters sleep together barely knowing each other, but sex outside of marriage is lust. Our cultures teaches us that all kinds of lust are acceptable, but God's Word teaches us something different. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. Romans 1:26-27 Pray that God will protect you and your spouse from the lust and influences of an ungodly world. Godly love lets you define attractiveness by your spouse. My wife was the most beautiful woman in the world to me when we first fell in love. Also, my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world right now at the age and season of life we are in. I don't want to be the gray haired man lusting after women half his age. Therefore, I chose to let my wife be my standard for attractiveness. Fortunately for me, I have a beautiful wife who loves me too My wife was the most beautiful woman in the world when we first fell in love Godly love sees past faults, failures, and mistakes. God chooses to love me, even though I am not very lovely. Therefore, love your spouse, even when they make mistakes. Your spouse is the one relationship in this world that is for life. People will come and go, but at the end of the day it is you and your spouse left to work things out. Pray that God gives you this kind of love that is a choice, that is a commitment. This is counter to the fantasy love where we accidentally fall in love and live happily ever after. You make the choice to love and continue to love your spou...

Fixing up a house may require you to see past what a house is and realize the potential that it has instead. Likewise you may have to look past the problems in your marriage and take deliberate steps to change things. Many marriages today have a broken and useless love, a love defined by selfishness and unrealistic expectations. Join us as we learn together how to change the love in your marriage with thoughtful and calculated ways! FixerUpperMarriage.org/deliberate How You Can Become Deliberate in Your Love Realize the Potential of Your Fixer Upper For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 Instead of just letting things happen to you in marriage, instead of being casual in your approach to marriage, you can instead take deliberate actions to add "good works" to your love. According the Miriam-Webster.com deliberate as an adjective means: :Characterized by or resulting from careful and thorough consideration. :Characterized by awareness of the consequences. :Slow, unhurried, and steady as though allowing time for decision on each individual action involved. Synonyms include: advised, calculated, considered, knowing, measured, reasoned, studied, thoughtful, thought-out, weighed. 1. Be Deliberate in the Pursuit of Your Spouse. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 Consider the picture of Jesus pursuing you. His pursuit is not motivated by what I do, but what He thinks about me. Even though I feel unworthy of those thoughts. He loves me for who I am! Before I knew Him, he knew me and sought after me, He even died for me. When I was and still am a sinner, He gave himself for me. I remember when I felt the call and pull of His Spirit prompting me to put my trust in Him. When I made the choice to love Him back, everything changed! The pursuit ended in an incredible relationship. When we are together it is like it is just the two of us and no one else in this world. Your spouse is worth the pursuit of love. Look Your Best for Your Spouse As a wife, you don't have to look perfect, you just have to be his. Your best is enough to satisfy your spouse because God planned it that way. You don't have to be Barbie, you just have to be you for him. Give the best that you have for your spousr Do you remember when you were dating or courting?

When fixing up a house, there are many things that may need to be replaced or upgraded. The appliances may be worn out, the kitchen cabinets may be falling apart, or the garage door may be broken down. Also, your love could be filled with things that are worn out, falling apart, or broken down. Discover some of those "things" that need replacing in your marriage. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7 4 Things You Need to Replace in Your Love Life Identifying What to Replace in Your Fixer Upper 1. Replace Criticism with Appreciation. There are two types of criticism. Constructive criticism- This is given in a friendly and helpful way. It is usually asked for and builds the other person up. It is valuable because it promotes communication as well as personal growth. It gives you a chance to become a better person. Also, this type of criticism is unlikely to cause hurt feelings. The sandwich method of constructive criticism. This involves a compliment then a criticism followed by a compliment. As an example you can use the Word of God to constructively criticize yourself thereby making yourself a better follower of Christ. (See I Corinthians 11:31) Negative criticism or critique- A completely negative criticism that if used in marriage can tear down the other person. Many people criticize everything that their spouse does in a negative way. However, this does not meet the criteria of love in I Corinthians 13. Consider one of my favorite cartoon movies Ratatouille. In it a mouse named Remy who is an aspiring cook meets Linguine a restaurant trash boy. Together, they start cooking and must impress the famous food critic, Anton Ego, who is impossible to please! You can become like a "food critic" in your marriage where your spouse can seemly do nothing right. Criticism is blinding to anything good, it filters out anything good. Negative criticism can become dangerous to your marriage. It can ruin the love that you have for your spouse, causing you to fall out of love. If that is all you think about, it will recondition your mind and heart. Also, it can ruin the love that your spouse has for you, causing them to fall out of love with you. If harsh criticism is all they hear from you, it will make it hard for them to stay in love with you. Additionally, it can ruin your memories of the past and the ones you could make in the future. All of sudden, your past becomes negative and the bad starts to overrun the good in your marriage. If have also seen this happen in Church, where everything turns negative because of a few negative criticism. Replace your negative criticism with appreciation. Compare your love with I Corinthians 13 where we see words such as suffering long, is kind, not easily provoked, beareth all things, and endureth all things. Study to know your spouse. Learn about their worries, hopes, goals, and history.

Getting Power to Your Fixer Upper Attaining a Spiritual Power Connection for Your Marriage A power connection is one of the most important things for a house to have. Its where an outside source of electricity is connected to house into a fuse or breaker box. Without it, many features in the modern home are useless. Also, a Christian marriage must have a strong connection to its power source. Join us live in the Fixer Upper Marriage Class to learn how to get your marriage hooked up to the most powerful connection in the universe- the power of the Holy Spirit. Introduction Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen Ephesians 3:20,21 There are many potential problems with power in a house. There are several causes for power loss in house. The meter that the power company uses to measure usage is defective. A tree or branch may have fallen over a power line near your house. Utility workers may have inadvertently cut the damaged the power cable. Bad weather may have caused your service to be interrupted. You may have forgotten to pay the bill! Not having power in a house creates several obvious problems. The lights go out. You have no way to cook food. There can be no hot water, or even water at all. You cannot use electronics! In some cases you may not have access to a phone, this could be dangerous as you cannot call emergency services. Marriage without a good connection to the power of God can also have serious problems. How does your marriage lose "power". When you leave God out of your marriage, your lose access to His power. Its like forgetting to pay your power bill. The power is there, however YOU have a responsibility to use it. When you neglect to use the power of God in your relationship. Why would you live in a cold, dark house, when all you have to do is flip a switch to fix it? Why would you live in cold, dead marriage, when all you have to do is use the tools that God has already provided for you! What happens to a marriage that has no "power" connection? Discontentment takes over. You begin to wish you were married to someone else or not married at all. Disagreements turn into heated fights and arguments. You give up on your marriage Maybe you just accept an unhappy, mediocre relationship. You file for divorce. How to Get a Power Connection for Your Marriage Be consistent in your walk with God. What you do every day matters most as a Christian.

Live recording of the Fixer Upper Marriage Class. In this episode learn how to manage all the technology that impacts marriage today. Find out how to turn your marriage into a "smart" marriage. This is Part 2 of How to Manage Technology in Your Marriage. For part 1 click here. How to Manage Technology in Your Marriage Turning Your Fixer Upper into a Smart Home All Things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient:  all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. I Corinthians 6:12 3.  Do Not Have Serious Conversations through Electronic Devices God created us to communicate with each other with verbal  and non verbal ques.For Example, I use my eyebrows to communicate with my wife sometimes! :-) Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of the book Silent Messages conducted a study on nonverbal communication. He found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc).  This means that 93% of our communication is nonverbal. Therefore, electronic communication could be missing 93% of its intended meaning.   Although emojis are helpful, they cannot make up for this. Have real face to face conversations with your spouse!Resolve your conflicts in person. Wait until you can talk in person. 4.  Do Not Keep Secrets from Your Spouse. Your spouse should have access to all of your online accounts and passwords.Your spouse should know how to unlock your phone. For example, when possible if I need to talk to someone at work of the opposite sex on the phone,  I try to text, so there is a written record of what was said. Your social media should be a shared thing as a married couple, there should be no secrets. Consider the impact of a social media post on your marriage BEFORE you post it. How will other people view what I am sharing? What will my spouse think of what you are sharing? Consider that anyone in the world can see what you post. 5.  Make Time for Your Spouse without Electronic Devices. Take the time to cultivate your love and passion.Besides the Lord, your relationship with your spouse is the most important one in the world for you. God made marriage for a lifetime of love and passion. Pray together. Share life together. Take a new challenge. Spend 5 minutes each day this week with your spouse with NO electronic devices. Why let technology ruin the love and passion that God intends for you to have.  God wants you to be madly in love with your spouse? Conclusion I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. Song of Solomon 7:10

Modern homes have technology built into them, these houses are known as "smart homes".  The modern marriage is also filled with technology which can become a serious problem if not managed according to Bible principles.  In this episode learn how to turn your marriage into a "smart marriage". How to Manage Technology in Your Marriage Turning Your Fixer Upper into a Smart Home All Things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient:  all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. I Corinthians 6:12 Introduction What Is a Smart Home? It is a home that is wired for technology and the digital future. For example, it may have things like a smart thermostat, refrigerator, oven, TV, security system, or even a doorbell. They even make a smart toilet now, with features such as a heated seat, air drying, and warm flowing water! Many of these items are controlled by smart phones. How Has Technology Affected Marriage? Advancements are faster than we can adapt.  Consider my elementary class field trip to a computer lab compared to computers and smart phones today. We can communicate with one another in seconds through text messages, email, and various apps.  The popularity of social media websites like Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and Pinterest have brought new temptations into marriage.   You can develop relationships that impact your marriage in negative ways. One wrong keystroke, or a social feed can expose you to an entire world of pornographic images and videos. 5 Ways to Manage Technology in Your Marriage 1.  Treat Yourself as Prone to Sin Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Galatians 6:1  Set your own limits and accountability by considering your vulnerability.  Anyone could easily fall prey to the temptations of technology. As a precarious measure, you may have to exclude yourself from certain technology.   However, you must make this choice for yourself. Be careful because your relationship with the Lord and your spouse is more important than anything online. Understand that the Devil wants to destroy your marriage. God created man and woman with certain specific intimate desires that are incredibly fulfilled in a godly marriage. However, Satan plays on those desires by using technology as a cheap and dirty replacement. (i.e. images and relationships) These things leave you with nothing but guilt and shame.  Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ign...

FixerUpperMarriage.org/fences 3 Reasons to Put Up Fences in Your Marriage Proverbs 25:28, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” What Can a Fence Do for a Fixer Upper? A fence can clarify your property lines between yourself and your neighbor, and add beauty to a property. For example, a wrought iron or a picket fence. It can provide privacy for things like a pool, to hide an air conditioner, or just to keep out nosy neighbors. Fences are also great at protecting from unwanted people and animals. They can even keep out criminals who would take things. You could put up a fence around your garden to keep out animals. Fences could be used to keep things in like pets and children. What Can a Fence Do for your Marriage? Poet Robert Frost once wrote a poem entitled Mending Wall in which he made famous the saying,” Good fences make good neighbors.” The poem invokes a philosophical question as to why we have fences. Why don’t we share what we have with others? He was walking with his neighbor helping him mend the wall between them and he basically asks, “Why is this fence here?” I think the point is, we should let people into our lives, even though it opens up to risk. Clearly, there are some fences that we should not have. However, there are some things in your marriage that absolutely NEED fencing in. And these things are critical to your personal health and the health of your marriage 3 Reasons to Put Up Fences in Your Marriage 1. To Clarify Your Individual Responsibility So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Romans 14:12 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. II Corinthians 5:10 Marriage does not dissolve individual responsibility. Two lives becoming one, means two individual lives combine to create an incredible God-inspired union. But you are still responsible for you. You are responsible for your walk with the Lord. You are responsible for your actions and their consequences. God will hold you accountable for you! Marriage does not transfer individual responsibility. You have a responsibility to God and your spouse to fulfill your Biblical role in marriage. (See Ephesians 5:21-33) God has made the standard for husbands and wives. You are responsible for you. And generally speaking your accountability ends with you. (The fence) For example, I am responsible as a husband for being the spiritual leader in my home, but I am not responsible for my wife’s walk with the Lord. I can help her, but not make her. You are not responsible for the behavior of your spouse, but you are responsible for yours. For example, if your spouse flies into a fit of rage, you don’t have to do the same thing. Don’t enable your spouse by taking those consequences for them. The following are some verbal examples for following ...

Join us via live recording as we learn how to own your marriage. Just like the moment when you sign the papers, get the keys, and take ownership of a property, you can take ownership of your marriage.  You can learn where the lines of ownership are in your marriage and how to use them to make your marriage amazing! Three Ways to Own Your Marriage Finding the Property Lines of Your Fixer Upper Part 2 Song of Solomon 2:16 Introduction Marriage is an amazing union that God designed to populate the earth and to spread faith in Him. The moment you say your vows and exchange rings, an awesome transaction of ownership occurs. Two lives become one! It is in this union that boundaries become real life issues. Once you leave the honeymoon phase, you realize marriage is not always "Sunshine and Roses". Property lines determine what you actually own. Once you find your property lines, everything within those boundaries belongs to you. You now know where you can build an addition, extend a driveway, plant a garden, or even how far your dog can stray. Once you buy your fixer upper you are legally responsible for what happens on your property. You must establish ownership in your marriage! Marriage is filled with property lines and boundaries you have to find and respect. A healthy marriage will have these lines marked clearly. 3 ways to Own Your Marriage

 Romantic love is an incredible gift from God, but it can only be healthy within the right boundaries! Today, we will learn about setting those healthy boundaries in your marriage. Just as it is important to find the property lines of your fixer upper, even more so to find the right right boundaries in your love life.  This is the Fixer Upper Marriage Podcast where each week we learn something new about love and marriage. Setting Boundaries in Your Love Life Finding the Property Lines of Your Fixer Upper Part 1 Mark 10:6-9 Introduction Why Are Property Lines Important? So that you know where your property ends and your neighbor's begins. In case you wanted to build a fence or plant a hedge. If you wanted to build an addition to your fixer upper you would need to know where you could build. How Do You Find Your Property Lines? The deed to your property should give your the measurements. You could locate the metal pins in the ground. You could hire a professional surveyor. What Are the Boundaries in Your Marriage? God designed marriage with certain limits and boundaries. Boundaries are important to maintaining a healthy love relationship. Today we will begin learning about boundaries in marriage!   Four Principles for Setting Boundaries in Your Love Life 1. Marriage is two lives becoming one. It takes two separate lives. ( Mark 10:7-8). You lived your life as a single person, now two become one in marriage. You can accomplish more as two than you ever could have as one. You share your life with someone that you love. You make a family! You grow old together. God made marriage to complete life. Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." Marriage is an incredible union that help...

Listen to the Fixer Upper Marriage Podcast where each week we learn something new to help "fix up" your marriage relationship, while drawing you closer to God and to each other! Windows are an important part of any house, as they can add security, add natural light, and create new spaces. Join us via live recording as we learn about three new windows you can add to your love. Adding Windows to Your Fixer Upper Three New Windows You Can Add to Your Love Song of Solomon 8:6-7 Introduction Types of Windows Security Windows They have better locks. You can add an alarm. You can cover them with a shatterproof film. Security bars can be added. Skylights They flood a room with natural sunlight. It improves the look and mood of a house. Bay Windows They add extra living space. They provide a nice place to sit and relax. You can even grow plants in a bay window. Adding Windows to Your Marriage You have to see the need to change things. You must put in the time and effort to make things better. Lets looks at three windows that you can add to your marriage. Three New Windows to Add to Your Love 1. Security Windows Take the extra effort to secure your love. Your love is worth whatever you have to do to protect it. Consider the investment of love you have put into your marriage. The years you have spent together. The moments you have shared. The honeymoon, the heartbreaks,

Marriage can be like the windows in a house that needs repairing. Cold drafts can get in and ruin the joy of being in love. Also, things can "ice over" making your relationship cold inside. Moreover, if the windows of your love are not locked, thieves could get in and take what you have. Join us via live recording and learn how to fix the windows in your marriage! Repairing the Windows in Your Fixer Upper Three Ways to Fix the Windows in Your Marriage Song of Solomon 2:8-17 Common Problems with Windows Drafty Windows This can effect your power bill and the comfort of your home. It can be repaired with caulk or sealant around the frame. Sometimes it may be necessary to replace the window. Condensation This is when windows become foggy or iced over. The seals between your window panes has failed. It puts undue on pressure on your heating unit. Cracking, Warping, or Rotting Wood Temperature fluctuations can cause window frames to warp. This causes a draft that allows moisture into your house. Eventually, the wood begins to rot. Faulty Windows Windows that are sticking, and need to be propped up are dangerous. Windows without a functioning lock are unsafe. "Window" Problems in Marriage Cold air can get it and you lose the joy of being in love. When things ice over, your relationship gets cold on the inside. Serious damage can occur in your marriage if your windows are not repaired. You become vulnerable to thieves when your windows don't function. The following are three ways to fix the windows in your marriage:

Making plans to fix your love is critical to the success of your marriage.  Join us as we learn 5 simple ways to assess your love and begin “fixing up” your marriage. Luke 14:28-30 Introduction: The Assessment of your fixer upper You have to make that initial walk through of the property. What are the things that actually need fixing? You also have to identify the areas that need updating. The structure has to be inspected. Experts may have to come in with estimates. Why are assessments important? It gives you a baseline of the house. They allow you to properly plan. It helps you to plan your budget. What happens next? You get estimates. You write out a detailed budget. You set goals such as a completion date. The "Assessment" of Your Marriage Marriages are not properly planned for. Ceremonies are meticulously planned. However, we just blindly go into married life. Why are there very few training courses for engaged couples? There is little emphasis on maintenance in marriage. Without a plan for maintenance things fall apart and break. Therefore, if you don't keep things up in your marriage it will break. Sometimes things have to fall apart before we even think about repairs. How do you take an assessment of your marriage? Use a scale of 1 through 10. 1 is being separated and 10 is being like Christ and the Church. (See Ephesian 5:22-33)

What is your marriage worth?  When considering a property, you must first determine its value and your budget for any needed repairs. Your marriage also has value that makes it worth protecting, saving, and investing in. Consider how important your marriage is to you and join us as we take a look at three things that make your marriage valuable. Podcast Notes Ephesians 5:23-25 Introduction The Value of a Property How do you know what a house is worth? Location Comparable sales Market conditions What is a house worth to you? To the seller To the buyer The bidding The Budget of Project Consider the work that needs to be done. Calculate the funds that are available. Contemplate the value of the whole project to you. The Value of Your Marriage How far are you willing to go to save your marriage? Can you fix what is wrong in your marriage?No wife should stay in place where she is abused or feels threatened. You should call the police. With the help of God's Word and the Spirit of God, Your marriage can be repaired! Will you allow things to change?Change is hard to accept at times. You must be willing to embrace that change to make your marriage better. Sometimes we get used to a broken marriage. What is Your Marriage Worth? Your marriage is worth the price to have. Your love story is incredible. Remember the memories that you have made. Your first date Your engagement Your wedding date