Adopted Feels

Check out Eli's Instagram account Attachment Nerd, and her new book Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns into Loving, Lasting Romantic Relationships (A Guided Journal).And connect with us on Instagram, Facebook, or via our website!

For more information about the Korean adoptee 2024 gathering in Sydney hosted by the Korean Adoptees in Australia Network, visit kaian.org.au

Friendship might seem like a random topic for an adoptee podcast, and this series - of which the current episode is the first - is an experiment, tbh, like a lot of things we do here. But lately we've been thinking about it a lot. Maybe it's because of the pandemic and the isolation that many of us felt, maybe it's because Hana moved to Korea and had to make new friends - multiple times, or maybe it's because of a larger cultural conversation around the role of friendship in our lives, alongside and in addition to fulfilling romantic and familial relationships. Friendship is also at the heart of our podcast - for 3 years now, we have been interviewing people, writing and recording stuff as a way of continuing our own conversations about adoption (and other random shit) over thousands of miles. In this conversation, the three of us talk about how we define a friend, what friendship means to us, what it takes to maintain friendships, whether it's harder to make new friends as you get older, and more. Korean adoptee Leah 양진 Nichols is an award-winning filmmaker and designer currently based in Seoul. She works to expand models of kinship, increase access to collective histories, and champion the compatibility of trauma and joy. She is best known for her short film 73 Questions (2017) which won the 2018 Social Impact Media Awards (SIMA) Creative Activism Award.

What are you afraid to feel? Fear? Sadness? Anger? Whatever it is, adoptee coach Susan Stam (강선영) wants you to stay with it. And then stay with it a little longer. Adopted from Korea at the age of 4 years and 7 months to the Netherlands, Susan works as a coach specialising in relinquishment and adoption-related issues with AFC (Adoptee and Foster Care) Netherlands, founded by Hilbrand Westra (our Episode 17 guest!). But the path to becoming a coach wasn't easy; Susan struggled with her own issues, including a hypersensitivity to rejection so strong that she could "smell it", relationship addiction, and insomnia - issues that only started to heal after she became conscious of her relinquishment and adoption trauma. In this conversation, Susan talks about her own journey and then shares some strategies for when we feel triggered, for getting out of our heads and into our bodies, for learning to connect to our feelings rather than numbing or pushing them away, and for setting boundaries when you're a self-confessed people pleaser. And then, Susan catches us off guard by turning the questions back on us, and we both get real about some shit! Get ready for vulnerability, feels, and some super practical tips that we hope you will find useful! To learn more or to get in touch with Susan, visit www.afcnederland.nl Bonus gifts from Susan!   Susan's personal k-pop playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3fdlzhOhucBpEgyGPWE4xG?si=73a55990c17e4c9d   Susan's go-to kimchi jjigae recipe: Susan uses Maangchi's recipe (http://www.maangchi.com/recipe/kimchi-jjigae) with a few tweaks: • Always make your own stock! • Substitute red radish if you don't have Korean radish or daikon radish • Use preserved anchovies in oil instead of salt (to taste) • Omit sugar

We had SO MUCH FUN with this guest and we think you will too. Korean-Australian adoptee Ra Chapman is a writer, actor and dramaturg. She has strong ties with the adoption community and works closely with Asian-Australian and diverse artists. Ra is one of those people who has been on our list of guests to invite for a long time, but we were just waiting for the right moment—and here it is! Ra's debut play, K-BOX, which won the 2021 Patrick White Playwright Award, will premiere at the Malthouse Theatre next month (and we are so freakin' proud of her!). K-BOX is a surreal comedy with an Australian Korean adoptee main character named Lucy. Lucy has just quit her job, dumped her boyfriend, and turned up on her adoptive parents' doorstep needing somewhere to crash. She's depressed, she's a mess, and she's stumbled across an old cardboard box that was once full of childhood memories but is now completely empty. Lucy and her parents haven't always seen eye to eye on everything, but when a K-Pop star mysteriously wanders into their lives and starts asking destabilising questions about her Korean roots, new fault lines are exposed in the family unit that become impossible to hide. In this episode Ra talks about the inspiration for K-BOX, as well as her transition from acting to writing. Then Ra shares her experience as an Asian Australian actor and writer, and her thoughts on diversity and representation in the Australian arts scene. Plus, we make our acting debut reading a short excerpt from K-BOX, we learn some industry lingo, such as “meat puppet”, and much more. K-BOX opens at the Malthouse Theatre, in Melbourne, Australia on 2nd September 2022. Book tickets here! https://www.malthousetheatre.com.au/tickets/malthouse-theatre/k-box/

Today we're in for a treat! An outcome of some gentle encouragement from me (Ryan), in this episode Hana shares a beautifully written account of her Korean language learning journey thus far. In the loose form of a listicle - because we can't resist a good list on this podcast - here's 10 'lessons' Hana has learned about, well, learning one's original language as an adoptee, how it differs from learning a foreign language as a hobby, the frustrations and joys, the pressures and the rewards. And of course, on brand, this episode gets deep into some feels.

In this episode we have the pleasure of speaking to Korean adoptee and award-winning writer James Han Mattson. We start with James' path to becoming a writer and the moment when his Iowa acceptance letter arrived in the mail. He treats us to two readings of his work: an extended excerpt from his recent novel Reprieve, and his essay “Letter to a Stranger” published in the literary magazine Off Assignment, which is about a pivotal moment during his time living in Korea. We discuss some of the themes explored in Reprieve - including the complex intersections between love, desire, and racial preferences - as well as the challenges of learning one birth language in one's birth country, while you're also so deeply engaged in your craft as a writer who publishes in English. Finally, James tells us about how his time in Korea changed his writing and gives us the scoop on his new novel in progress, which features a Korean adoptee protagonist. James Han Mattson was born in Seoul and raised in North Dakota. He reunited with his birth family in 2009. A graduate of the Iowa Writers' Workshop, he is the award-winning author of two novels: The Lost Prayers of Ricky Graves and Reprieve, which was a Fall 2021 Book Pick by The New York Times, The L.A. Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Guardian, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, and the TODAY show, among others. He is currently the fiction editor of Hyphen Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter: @jhmattson or check out his website at www.jameshanmattson.com

In this episode we talk to the inimitable Jenny Heijun Wills and touch on some of the themes that - we feel - go to the very core of our stories and our storytellings as adoptees. Consent and access. Fact and fantasy. The challenges of charting our way through the stories people expect - often even demand of us since we were children - to aim for something that serves us: the nuanced narratives we deserve to have, and which we are allowed to create and invent. Jenny Heijun Wills is a multi-award winning creative writer and scholar, whose most notable contribution is the Writers' Trust Non-Fiction Prize-winning book titled Older Sister. Not Necessarily Related, published by Penguin Random House Canada in 2019. She is Professor of English at the University of Winnipeg and is currently writing two novels. ​For more on Jenny, head to: ​https://www.jennyheijunwills.com/ Twitter: @JennyHeijun IG: @jennyheijunwills

Born in Daejeon, Korea, and adopted to the United States at the age of ten months, Lee Herrick is the author of three books of poems: Scar and Flower, a finalist for the 2020 Northern California Book Award, Gardening Secrets of the Dead and This Many Miles from Desire. He is also the co-editor of the anthology The World I Leave You: Asian American Poets on Faith and Spirit. As well as being a celebrated poet, Lee is among one of the kindest, most generous, and sincere guests we have ever had the pleasure of talking to on the podcast. In this broad-ranging conversation, Lee treats us to a reading of two poems from Scar and Flower, including “How Music Stays in the Body.” We then speak to Lee about his journey to poetry, about the fundamental fire that drives his art, and his process of coming to peace and forgiveness following his second trip to Korea and an unsuccessful birth family search. Most of all, Lee wants all of us to be ok, and after talking to him we feel that - just maybe - we will be. CW: This episode mentions suicide. Read "How Music Stays in the Body" here: https://poets.org/poem/how-music-stays-body For more about Lee, head to: https://www.leeherrick.com/ Adoptee Literary Festival, 9 April 2022: https://www.adopteelitfest.com/

This is a special compilation episode featuring six powerful short pieces about first encounters with food from our birth cultures, read by their transracial adoptee authors, from our recent autobiographical writing workshop led by Korean adoptee Mee Joo Kim. Hana also has a little chat with Mee Joo about the value of adoptee-only spaces. We hope you love the short pieces as much as we did! We'd also like to thank the Overseas Koreans Foundation for making our writing workshops possible. If you would like to contact Mee Joo about future writing workshops or life coaching services, you can email her at kim.meejoo@gmail.com Stay tuned for more interviews with our writing workshop facilitators!

In this episode, we chat with Jeremy Holt, a non-binary author whose most recent works include Made in Korea, Virtually Yours, Before Houdini, and Skip to the End. Their latest comic series, Made in Korea, is about a Korean nine-year-old named Jesse, who is adopted and sent to live with a lovely couple in America. Equipped with an encyclopedic brain but socially awkward, Jesse's journey through the complexities of race, gender, and identity hits a fork in the road when she discovers she's not entirely human—yet. The story is so cleverly crafted and completely gripping - we couldn't put it down. We thought we were gonna talk to Jeremy about Made in Korea, and maybe about being an identical triplet, and we did, but the conversation kept unfolding in unexpected ways. We start with how Jeremy found their creative calling as a comic writer while working a day job at Apple, and how they eventually got picked up by their dream publisher years after almost quitting writing altogether. We think this episode is really about following your dreams and realising your destiny. Yes - big, epic, stuff. Jeremy absolutely blew us away and this is one of our favourite interviews to date. *Spoiler Alert: We discuss Made in Korea's plot in this episode!*

Happy 50th Episode + Listener Q&A! “How did you two meet? What is going on in your logo image? If Adopted Feels was a food, what would it be?” In this special 50th episode, we answer these very important questions and more, and reflect on the pod journey thus far. Warning: Hana gets bossy/rant-y, and Ryan is predictably sentimental. Plus, we share some highly personal new year's resolutions for 2022. Thank you for staying with us for these past two and a half years, and thank you to everyone who submitted questions! And for the questions we didn't get to, we'll try to address them in a future episode! p.s. Please excuse a couple lags in Hana's audio, and head to our Instagram (@adoptedfeelspodcast) to see screenshots of us watching the trailer for 'Singles Inferno,' a Korean reality TV show on Netflix. A listener asked us to rate the show (a fun question!) but neither of us have seen it - yet.

This episode is all about leaving Korea and transitioning back to one's adoptive country, and we found the perfect guests to talk about it. Kim Stoker first returned to live in Korea in 1995. She spent almost 20 years of her adult life there and has been based in the US since 2017. She was a leading activist in ASK (Adoptee Solidarity Korea) and continues to be an advocate for adoptee rights in South Korea. Eunha Lovell returned to Korea in 2007 after meeting birth family. While living in Korea, she has spent time learning Korean, working with single mothers and adoptees through GOA'L and Koroot, and attended Hongik University for graduate school. She has a YouTube channel called "The Returnees" that focuses on video portraits of Korean adoptees living in their motherland and she also practices Korean Traditional Painting. To learn more about Eunha, visit: www.eunhalovell.com We threw all kinds of big, unruly questions at Stoker and Eunha, and they were both so candid and generous in their replies. This is a free-flowing, meandering, deeply reflective conversation that touches on reverse culture shock, missing Korea during the pandemic, maintaining connections with Korean family, shifting identities, micro-aggressions experienced by adoptees within the Asian American community, and advice for adoptees planning to leave Korea. So many pearls of wisdom here! We also end with a random question segment in which we guess Stoker's astrological sign.

We've had the privilege of speaking to so many people on the podcast and today's guests are two of the warmest and most generous yet. Angela Gee and Robyn Joy Park are both Asian adoptees and licensed therapists based in the LA area, who serve the adoption community. Hana first crossed paths with Robyn almost 10 years ago in Seoul, when she co-facilitated a post-birth family reunion discussion group, and more recently, we saw Angela and Robyn speak at this year's KAAN conference. When we approached them via email to talk on the podcast, their enthusiastic replies were like beams of sunshine radiating through our screens. Don't you just love emails, and people, like that? In this conversation, Angela and Robyn talk about how they became therapists who specialise in adoption, the challenges and rewards of this work, how their mentorship relationship turned into a professional partnership and deep friendship, the online community they have built for adoptees of colour, some practical advice for adoptees looking for a new therapist or seeking therapy for the first time, and more—all with wisdom, candour, and humour. This conversation reminded us that although the pandemic continues to test and isolate us in various ways, we're not alone. There are always new resources to be found and new connections to be made. Keep looking and keep reaching out. We are both cheering you on. Speaking of new resources, check out Robyn's new podcast, “Labor of Love,” a podcast that centers and amplifies the voices of BIPOC adoptees navigating parenthood. You can find it on iTunes and Spotify, and follow on instagram at @laboroflovepodcast Finally, you too can get sorted into a Hogwarts house! Just visit wizardingworld.com and follow the prompts. (https://www.wizardingworld.com/news/discover-your-hogwarts-house-on-wizarding-world)

For transracial adoptees and people of colour, the past 18 months have felt like an emotional gauntlet. At least, they have for us. From the murder of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, which saw a surge of the Black Lives Matter movement, to rising anti-Asian racism and the Atlanta shootings, to the disparate impacts of COVID-19 due to systemic racism and chronic underfunding in public health, there's been a lot to reckon with. To keep educating ourselves, and in the hopes of continuing and deepening some of our earlier conversations on race and the fight for racial justice, we reached out to our friend, Korean American adoptee Rebecca Kinney. Rebecca is an Associate Professor in the School of Cultural and Critical Studies and American Culture Studies at Bowling Green State University, Ohio. She is the author of numerous articles and the book Beautiful Wasteland: The Rise of Detroit as America's Postindustrial Frontier (University of Minnesota Press, 2016). She is a Fulbright Scholar Korea (2021-2022) and currently lives in Seoul. This is a thought-provoking, in-depth conversation that traverses the historical, personal, and political. First, she starts with a 20-minute primer on Asian American racial formation and settler colonialism - kind of like an audio lecture. Then Rebecca talks about finding her own ethnic identity as a Korean adoptee from the white working class suburbs of Detroit, before we discuss the barriers to solidarity amongst Asian Americans and POCs, and how we might confront anti-black racism as Asian adoptees. Finally, Rebecca talks about living in Korea and her current Fulbright research, before we end with an extended random question segment. We learned a lot from Rebecca and we hope you do too. To learn more about Rebecca's work, visit https://bgsu.academia.edu/RebeccaJKinney or get in touch at rkinney@bgsu.edu Donate to the Black Lives Matter Movement here: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

What do birth family reunion, drag, and skating have in common? For Australian Korean adoptee Ellie Kim, all of these things have helped her get to where she is today. In this casual, wide ranging convo, Ellie tells us about how meeting her birth family was a turning point in her life, and how she learned to embrace her numerous identities with the help of community, writing, and good mental health support. We also discuss self-care during lockdown, social media boundaries (or lack thereof), and therapy via Zoom. For anyone who's unaware, Ellie and Ryan's current city of Melbourne is - as of this episode's release - in its 241st day of lockdown: the longest, strictest lockdown in the world. There's not much we can say or do, but we like to think of this as an audio condolence message to all our listeners undergoing lockdown in Melbourne and elsewhere - and invite you to imagine that we're in your living room sharing a nice cup of tea, some chocolate (preferably Cadbury Marble), and perhaps donning an Oodie. More about Ellie: Ellie is a 30 something year old digital communications professional, sometime writer and okay roller skater living in Melbourne. She met her birth family in 2013 as part of G.O.A.L's First Trip Home and is very slowly writing a book about it. Feel free to follow her on the 'Gram at @irrellievancy for dodgy skate videos, dogs and food. Plus, check out Ellie's piece in Archer magazine here: https://archermagazine.com.au/2021/07/celebrating-korean-australian-identity/

[CW: suicide] Pastor Do-Hyun Kim (김도현) talks about his early work in Switzerland and how he first became aware of Korean adoption, the activities he has run at KoRoot over the years to support adoptees, and his tireless commitment to raising awareness of adoption in Korea - including the separation and loss felt by adoptees and original mothers - what he has learned, and the company he has kept. He talks using anger as a powerful force for good, the importance of spotlighting authentic voices, and how he loves to party - for round 1, at least. This is a very special conversation with an incredibly passionate and compassionate man who has devoted so much of his life to supporting Korean adoptee communities and fighting for family preservation.

WE'RE BAAAAAACK! Ryan's in Melbourne lockdown 5.0, or what feels like 50.0, and Hana can only meet up with one other person after 6pm in Seoul. Plus, she can't listen to music faster than 120BPM at the gym (but songs like Robyn's Dancing On My Own at 117BPM are A-OK.) Covid restrictions, eh. In this convo, Ryan shares some exciting life news and Hana talks about pandemic hypochondria and her visit to a one-stop-shop health check centre (kind of like a medical jjimjilbang). We also discuss both the weird and wonderful messages we've received after the release of Aaron Choe's short doco for Vice Asia, dealing with haters, and remembering your audience. (Just in case it's not clear, this episode falls into our casual, random, frivo category!)

On Adopted Feels, we've mainly interviewed friends and friends of friends (sliding into Joel Kim Booster's DMs didn't work, unfortunately - if anyone out there can hook us up, please do!). Until now. Korean adoptee Ben Kaplan contacted us out-of-the-blue to offer his story, becoming the first “completely random person” guest on the pod. It would be his first interview, so he apologized in advance in case he was a “noob” (which, for those of you like Ryan who are uninitiated to gamer culture, means 'newbie'). He wasn't. Ben is incredibly warm, reflective, and generous. This is an in-depth and far-reaching convo about identity and self-exploration: we start with Ben's time in Seoul, immersed in the underground art scene and doing it rough in a converted machine shop in Mullae, before reaching “rock bottom.” Ben then returned to the US, just as the global financial crisis hit, where he shelved a lot of the questions that Korea had raised, until recent Anti-Asian racism in the US reawakened feelings that had laid dormant for years. We talk about the 3 phases of Ben's ongoing identity search, how he has come to see being adopted as a superpower rather than as a disadvantage, why he has recently started to think about changing his name, becoming the mentor he never had, and much more! Benjamin Kaplan is a Korean American adoptee currently living in Portland, Oregon. He lived in Korea for 3 years back in the late 2000s and during that time created a website focusing on the underground art scene in Seoul called, The Native Gaze. He now works as a Design Director of Brand Experience at Nike. His wife Erin is also adopted (domestically within the US) and after adopting their dog Pancho last year, they now have a true “family of adoptees.” Check out Ben's work at www.bvkaplan.com and lots of cute dog content at www.instagram.com/bvkaplan

In this episode we chatted with Edward Yoo Pokropski, the Executive Producer of the upcoming Asian Comedy Fest! Ed is also Writer/Producer for the Brand Creative Team at USA Network and Universal Kids for NBCUniversal. He has been nominated for a daytime Emmy twice and won zero times. He also performs stand-up and hosts events, sometimes for money, sometimes for a drink ticket and a story. He is originally from Philly and proud to be a Korean American adoptee. Ed tells us about moving to New York six years ago, which was the catalyst for developing confidence in his own voice, in both comedy and as an Asian American. This journey from community to activism ultimately led to the creation of the Asian Comedy Fest. Buy tickets now for the digital premiere of the Asian Comedy Fest on May 27th from asiancomedyfest.com (you’ll receive a private link that will stay active for 48 hours) Proceeds benefit Apex for Youth (apexforyouth.org) Follow @asiancomedyfest on Instagram, Twitter and FB Watch Ed’s talk on his Korean adoptee experience for Crushing The Myth here: https://youtu.be/Nn7KNLU2k58 *note: “수박 겉 핥기” (su-bak geot halk-ki) Meaning: doing something superficially, scratching the surface Literal meaning: Licking the skin of a watermelon

This episode is an audio recording of a recent online event called “The Intersectional Lives of Transgender Adoptees” (2021.04.26), organized by the adult adoptee organisation Also-Known-As, Inc., under the most excellent leadership of Korean adoptee Mike Mullen. In the first panel of its kind, Ryan, along with three amazing transgender intercountry adoptees—Pauline Park, Jin Jiang, Andy Marra—with facilitator and transgender Korean adoptee Min Matson, discuss what it's like being trans and an adoptee, including grappling with the current resurgence of anti-asian racism and anti-trans legislation, navigating birth family search and reunion, names, and more. This was an informative, insightful, and deeply personal discussion that evolved from numerous conversations between Pauline and Mike over the years and drew over 150 online attendees. Thank you to Mike, AKA, and the panelists for letting us share this special event here, and we hope this contributes to continued conversations in the future! You can also watch the video recording of this event on YouTube: https://youtu.be/mJKggP6UoX0 About Also-Known-As: Also-Known-As, Inc., founded in 1996, is an adult adoptee run organization based in the NY metro area. They provide educational programs, facilitate community building activities, and work hard to elevate the voices of intercountry adoptees. For more info visit: https://www.alsoknownas.org/ Follow the panelists here: Pauline’s blog: https://paulinepark.com/ Jin on Instagram: @jin_jiang0611 Andy on Instagram: @andy_marra Min (facilitator) on Instagram: @sfolliethepug

Not an adoptee and not quite a gyopo, Bastiaan Flikweert, also known as 신서빈, best describes himself as a second generation adoptee. Born in 1999 to two Dutch Korean adoptees, he spent his childhood living in both the Netherlands and Korea. He credits his intercultural upbringing with opening up many opportunities, but also with struggles and questions of identity and belonging. Bastiaan is completing an undergraduate degree with a double major in History and Korean Studies. He is currently living in Seoul, conducting research on the first mothers of transnational adoptees, with a focus on agency versus structure before and after 1966. In some ways Bastiaan’s experiences reminded us of our own: he occupies a liminal space and has already transitioned through periods of living in Korea and the Netherlands, and back again. Bastiaan is thoughtful and reflective beyond his years; he shares eloquently about growing up with two adopted parents and between two countries, his experiences of racism, returning to Korea as an adult, and his hopes to foster the community of second generation adoptees. This was a fascinating interview that sheds light on the intergenerational impacts of being adopted and the insights that sometimes only later generations have. This interview also made us feel very old. Finally, stay tuned until the very end when Bastiaan indulges us in a classic Adopted Feels random question segment! Connect with Bastiaan on Instagram (@b_seovin) or on LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/bastiaanflikweert/

Welcome to the second quarter of 2021! (Scary.) This episode finds us in contrasting situations: Ryan has too much work to do and Hana has too little at times, and life in Melbourne is almost back to normal while covid restrictions continue in Seoul. We talk about work, work-life balance, asserting your own needs, and academic/teaching burnout - as well as what we’ve been watching during the pandemic. This convo was borne out of general life fatigue ('languishing,' as the NYT recently put it) and missing having a casual, frivo catch up with each other. We promise that more serious and substantial content is coming your way soon, including further conversations on anti-racism in light of recent events. Warning: This episode contains at least one slow, covid-foggy brain and about 60% laughter. Recommended listening pairings: Washing the dishes, or your 5pm nachos and wine happy hour. Guide to Aussie slang for non-Australian listeners: “yeah, nah” = “I hear you, but no” Plus, register for the Also Known As panel event “The Intersectional Lives of Transgender Adoptees” on April 26, 2021, featuring Ryan! https://www.alsoknownas.org/events/2021/4/26/the-intersectional-lives-of-transgender-adoptees

In this episode we speak with a very special guest: YoungChang Min (민영창), activist and co-director of the Domestic Korean Adoptee Association. It’s a perspective that a lot of overseas adoptees don’t often hear about - that’s been our experience, at least. YoungChang explains what it was like finding out, at the age of 13, that he was adopted - and to have his adoptive mother deny it when he asked her if it was true. He talks about his exposure to overseas Korean adoptees, adoptee activism, the importance of building a home and family, attitudes toward adoption in Korea, and his relief upon meeting a fellow domestic adoptee for the first time. This was a really special and eye-opening convo for us, and we’re very grateful to YoungChang for coming on the podcast. To learn more about the Domestic Korean Adoptee Association, check out his Kakao channel (in Korean): http://pf.kakao.com/_pkndT

Maree Kinder, a literal beauty boss, third culture kid-grown-woman and Korean adoptee, talks to us about the unique origins of her business Beauty & Seoul, connection to Korea, mental health, and more. Maree Kinder is a multi-award winning entrepreneur and Founder of K-Beauty online store Beauty & Seoul. She is widely credited with making K-Beauty more accessible in the UK. A third culture kid, she was raised in Australia, Japan, Holland and England where she currently resides. Given her own struggles, Maree is a huge advocate of mental health. Outside of running her business, she loves travelling, eating, and cuddles with her pup, Kimchi. Follow Maree on Instagram at @mareekinder and @beauty_and_seoul, and check out the online store at: www.beautyandseoul.co.uk

“I tried so hard to fit into Korea, and I only realised - honestly like six months ago - that I shouldn’t have to try so hard [here] either. I spent so long trying to fit into America...here, I can just be myself...And if people don’t understand me, then so be it. I’m just gonna be who I want to be. I don’t think I could have had that [realisation] without coming to Korea.” January 13th was Korean American Day, which got us thinking about Korean Americans, Korean adoptees, and the ways in which our experiences resonate and intersect. It wasn't until Hana moved to Korea that she became friends with more Korean Americans, who often come here with the same questions, tensions, and yearnings as adoptees. One of these friends is Aaron Yunsuk (윤석) Choe (최): a Korean American filmmaker, musician, DJ, passionate home cook, and avid plant collector - to name but a few of his many hats. In this conversation with Hana, Aaron talks about his childhood in the US, moving to Korea in his mid-20s, and establishing a career in film and TV. Committed to amplifying adoptee voices through film, Aaron shares his experiences connecting with adopted Koreans, and his upcoming documentary project for Vice Asia!

What is han (한)? What is jeong (정)? How can we apply them in our lives in a practical way? In today’s episode we unpack these Korean concepts and discuss how they may offer different insights from conventional Western psychology. Our guide for this conversation is Kristine Chong, a Korean American spiritual care practitioner and activist. Warm, genuine, and down-to-earth, Kristine tells us about her non-linear pathway to chaplaincy work, her multi-passionate career (a combination of spiritual care, activism, and coffee!), and her approach to ongoing healing, which may be as simple—and as difficult—as small actions, often. We also touch on shared experiences between 2nd generation and adopted Koreans, and the perceived pressure to feel “authentic” in one’s cultural identity. At the very end, Kristine guides us through a beautiful self-jeong healing practice, which you can try with us as you listen—perfect for sitting with any feelings of 2020 grief, anger and loss, and for heading mindfully into the holiday season. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us, Kristine! We truly felt the jeong over Zoom! About Kristine: Kristine Chong (she/her/hers) is a 2nd generation Korean American chaplain, activist, and online editor for Inheritance magazine. A former organizer, service provider, and researcher, Kristine’s ethos of spiritual care is rooted in the interconnectedness of spiritual and social change. Her praxis of care integrates liberationist, postcolonial, anticapitalist, and ecofeminist ethics. To read some of Kristine’s work, and to check out her magazine, please head to: https://www.inheritancemag.com/contributor/kristine-chong

Hey everyone, we’ve missed you! In this episode, the two of us sit down for a long overdue transcontinental catch up—but first, Hana shares another extended Seoul life update (she likes to do that)—in which she realises, “Oh s#*^! I live here now”. She also delves into the process of cultural adaptation and the anxiety of not knowing what’s next, followed by a little heart-to-heart with Ryan about life plans versus, uh, less-linear trajectories and the value of following your curiosity. Along the way, we discuss theories from two of our favourite gurus, of course: Brené Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert. What was intended to be a shorter mini-sode got a little blown out, but we hope you can sit down—with your morning coffee, afternoon tea, or covid happy hour martini—and enjoy. Brené Brown on Day 2: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-day-2/ Elizabeth Gilbert on Hummingbirds vs. Jackhammers: http://www.oprah.com/own-supersoulsessions/elizabeth-gilbert-the-curiosity-driven-life-video

Hana wanted to get this guest on the pod for ages but was too afraid to ask, but now - hooray! - here he is. Kee Byung-keun is a food writer, photographer, and editor based in Tokyo. Born in Seoul sometime in 1984 and sent away to the United States soon thereafter, Kee was raised in rural Louisiana—where, as he says, the food was good but life was hard. Many years and many wrong turns later, Kee made his way to Tokyo, where he built a life and a community around the city’s superlative food scene. Kee joins us to talk about home, belonging, connection, and mental health. We discuss how he chose to leave the US, a difficult first trip back to Korea, life in Tokyo, starting therapy for the first time, and of course, food. To further explore Kee’s world, follow him on Instagram at @abathingegg or check out his website at https://kbk.cargo.site/

In this episode, we share the 2nd part of our conversation with Boon Young, Jenny, and kimura, three heavyweights of the global Korean adoptee community, who have committed decades of their lives to advocating for adoptee rights and social change in Korea. We talk about coming 'out of the fog,' why they first became involved in adoptee activism, what activism means and looks like, and what they've learned over their many years of experience. Listen to our previous episode for our discussion of Adoption Truths Day and the first annual conference, which took place on September 9th. The online conference will soon be made available to watch on YouTube. We will post a link on our Instagram and Facebook (@adoptedfeelspodcast) once it is up!

As international adoptees, everyone knows someone whose adoption records were falsified, manipulated, switched, or never existed in the first place. In fact, accurate, complete records are practically the exception to the rule. We also know the impact of inaccurate, patchy information on an adoptee’s identity. Most people take their birthdate, age, place of birth, and parents’ names for granted, but some adoptees fight for this information for our whole lives. This year marks the first annual Adoption Truths Day, which seeks to raise awareness and advocate for Korean adoptee rights. The online conference, which will be held tomorrow, features speakers from around the world, who will discuss the unethical practices of the Korean adoption system, including the ways in which children are relinquished and adopted, how their records are created and stored by agencies, and subsequently, the accessibility of accurate information. This episode features the first half of our conversation with three amazing adoptees: Boon Young Han, Jenny Na, and Kimura Byol. Each of them is a leader and pioneer of the Korean adoptee community, who has tirelessly worked to raise awareness of adoption issues, advocate for and support fellow adoptees, and push for social change in Korea. Boon Young HAN is an assistant professor at Hankuk University of Foreign Studies. Her research interests include adoption, unwed mothers, family welfare and the welfare state. She was adopted from Korea to Denmark, and returned to Korea in the early 2000s. She has been actively involved with the adoptee community over the past 2 decades. Jenny Na is one of the six founding members of Adoptee Solidarity Korea. ASK was a grassroots organization that sought to raise awareness to the root causes of adoption, effect change in Korean adoption policy, strengthen the adoptee community, and create a space for critical dialogue. kimura byol-nathalie lemoine is a conceptual multimedia feminist artist who works on identities and expresses it with calligraphy, paintings, digital images, poems, videos and collaborations. kimura*lemoine’s work has been exhibited, screened, published and supported nationally and internationally. As curator, ze has developed projects that give voice and visibility to minorities. As an adoptee activist archivist, ze is working on A.C.A (adoptees cultural archives) to document the history of adoptee’s culture through media and arts.

Nikki Lee Bix Webster is the creator of nikkioften, a visual arts project “dedicated to punching you in the heart with comics”—and she's very good at it. In this episode, Nikki talks to us about living in and leaving Korea, moving back to the U.S., creating home, drawing, and nurturing one's inner child. She shares what she's learned about relationships and break-ups, adoptee tendencies to perfectionism, growth, and the importance of humor. Nikki is a Korean American who grew up in Towson, Maryland and is currently living in LA county in California. She used to consider herself a Korean adoptee, but was reunited with her Korean birth family in 2012 and built a meaningful relationship with her immediate and extended family members for 5 uninterrupted years in South Korea. She returned to the United States in 2018 and now considers herself to be an overseas Korean or second-generation Korean American. Follow @nikki_often on Instagram or visit: www.nikkioften.com

In recent months, the Black Lives Matter Movement and anti-Asian covid-19 pandemic racism have prompted renewed urgent conversations regarding race among Korean and other Asian adoptees. In this conversation with Adam Goodman of Plan A Magazine and the Escape from Plan A podcast, we talk about racial and adoptee identity, and finding your voice as an Asian person. This is neither a guide nor a resource - there are numerous excellent texts out there, which we will link to on our socials! - but rather an intimate convo among Korean adoptees, that touches on internalized racism, whiteness, responsibility, and how learning is both a shared and ongoing process. Adam Goodman is a Korean adoptee who grew up in Westchester, NY along side his younger brother (also adopted and biologically related). He's now living in North Jersey with his girlfriend. In addition to his day job as a business analyst, he and a group of like-minded friends run an online publication, Plan A Magazine. Follow Adam (@snbatman) and Plan A Magazine (@planamag) on Twitter!

We’ve mentioned star signs a few times before on the podcast, but today we take it one step further by talking to professional astrologer and shamanic healer Mallory Gill. In this episode Mallory gives us a primer on astrology, what perspectives it can offer - particularly for adoptees - and we learn that Hana is a very-virgo-virgo, and Ryan is a scratch-the-taurus-surface & look out! there's a gemini. Our meeting with Mallory takes us in all sorts of directions, so heads up, our post-interview convo is one of our looser, rawer, and wilder ones. About Mallory: Seven years ago, in the midst of a spiritual awakening, Mallory heard a voice that said, "Give yourself a key. Give yourself a way to understand." A week later, she discovered astrology. Now she uses the guidance she's gained from the stars to help people understand the cosmic forces working in their lives and unfold their unique destinies. Mallory is also a shamanic healer who offers a variety of energetic techniques to help people blossom into their true selves. She has studied at the Foundation for Shamanic Studies, the Toltec shamanism based Artist of the Spirit Coach training program, and the Center for Psychological Astrology. If you'd like to get in touch with Mallory to book a session, she can be contacted at mallorygill1@gmail.com. p.s. We apologize for the audio quality - Zoom and Australian internet isn't the best combo. We've minimized the patchiness as best we can, and promise to ensure cleaner audio in future episodes!

[CW: suicide] This is the final episode of our 3-part series on adoptee suicide awareness and prevention, dedicated to a special member of our community who died last year. We speak with Louise, a Korean adoptee in Australia whose sister, also a Korean adoptee, died by suicide. Louise tells us her very personal story and shares her unique perspective on the impacts of her sister’s death, her grief journey so far, and her reflections on the relationship between adoption and mental health. In this conversation, Louise mentions: David Kessler, a grief counsellor and author who has suffered grief first hand when he lost his son. Kessler offers a free online 'Suicide Loss Support Series.' You can find this series and numerous other workshops and resources at: www.davidkesslertraining.com Leigh Sales' book 'Any Ordinary Day: Blindsides, Resilience and What Happens After the Worst Day of Your Life.' In it, she interviews people after they have lost someone special and talks about their journey with grief. Australia's suicide call back service (www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au). See our website for more links to support services in Australia, Korea, and the U.S.

In the second episode of our Adoptee Suicide Awareness series, we talk to Nicole Sheppard, a Korean adoptee, long-time community advocate and leader, and Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) from the Twin Cities, Minnesota. This is a long episode, but a super important one: we not only talk about suicide but about adoptee mental health in general. Our conversation covers things like: common risk factors for adoptee suicide, how we can look out for each other and talk about suicide in helpful ways, the importance of learning to identify our feelings, set boundaries, and advocate for ourselves, and how community spaces and vulnerability can be a crucial pathway to connection and to healing. About Nicole: Nicole was adopted to Minneapolis in 1978 at six months old and grew up with her older brother, also adopted from Korea. Korean culture camps played a formative role in Nicole's life, from kindergarten age through to high school, and during college when she returned as a camp counsellor. Nicole lived in Korea for 8 years in the 2000s, and during that time was actively involved in adoptee community development and advocacy, serving as Vice Secretary General of GOA'L for 6 years. Upon returning to the US, Nicole completed training to become a therapist. As a clinician, Nicole specializes in mindfulness and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for adolescents and adults. In addition to her clinical practice, Nicole is working on a Korean Adoptee Mental Health and Suicide Research Project, which was created in response to unaddressed suicide issues within the Korean adoptee community. Her wealth of experience engaging in, and supporting, the adoptee community in a variety of roles enriches and informs her current work.

[CW: this episode contains discussions of suicide, eating disorders, and self harm. Note: At around the 40min mark, our guest speaks in more detail about her suicide attempts. She treats this topic very carefully and we have edited this section - but listeners may wish to skip ahead at this point.] May is Mental Health Awareness Month and this is the first episode in a series on adoptee suicide awareness, dedicated to a special member of the community who died by suicide last year. We know this can be a tough subject to talk about it. But it’s important that we do talk about it openly. In this episode we meet Korean adoptee Pamela Kim Adams over Zoom. What follows is a searingly honest conversation that touches on trauma, mental health treatment, motherhood, community, self-care and more. We were absolutely blown away by Pamela’s openness and insight, and we think you will be too. *Together with this episode, we have put together a list of support services for Australia, South Korea, and the U.S. on our website here: http://tinyurl.com/afsupport* Pamela Kim Adams was born in Gwangju (Jeonnam province) in 1981. Adopted at the age of seven months, Pamela was placed with a white family in Rochester, NY. She grew up with two Korean-adopted sisters in a suburban town with good schools and went on many family vacations. In many ways life was idyllic, and yet she always struggled internally. Pamela's journey with mental health, identity and race - and exploring the ways in which those things intersect - has been long, complicated and at times excruciating. At the age of 30, Pamela attempted suicide twice, which was the catalyst for rebuilding her life and, most importantly, re-envisioning herself. These days, Pamela has found a sense of purpose and connection through her work with adult refugees and many other sub-communities in Rochester, NY. Building connection and community with other adoptees is one of her passions. She is a longtime member of Korean Adoptees of Western NY (KAWNY), co-facilitates regular virtual meetings with Unitarian Universalist Transracial-Transnational Adoptees and recently co-hosted a series of virtual long table discussions with Korean Adoptees living across the US. Pamela is a single mother to an 18-year-old daughter. Pamela could not be more proud of her daughter who continues to teach Pamela so much about life, love and simultaneously holding on and letting go.

In today's episode we're talking about what its been like living in Korea during covid-19 times, and some of our coping strategies which have seen mixed success. And in the interests of distraction and frivolity, we end the episode with a random questions segment! Which is something we've wanted to do regularly on the podcast, but Ryan is just really bad at springing questions on the unsuspecting Hana. And one last thing- just after recording this episode, Hana underwent a covid scare and got tested. This 48-hour period was not at all amusing at the time, though it occurred to us that it might make a good story later. We wanted to share her experience with you all, so Hana recorded a separate segment and we've edited it in.

In this episode, we talk to another special friend—Lauren Jung, an accomplished ultra-marathon and trail runner, an active member of the adoptee community in Seoul, a soon-to-be law school student, and a passionate dog mum. Lauren reflects on the early days of moving to Korea almost 6 years ago, what running means to her, and preparing to close this chapter of her life to start law school in the US. Brilliant yet modest, passionate yet practical, generous, down-to-earth, and thoughtful—these are some of the words that we’d use to describe Lauren and it was such a pleasure to chat with her. Mentioned in this episode: If you’d like to learn more about Adam Crapser’s lawsuit: http://www.theinvestor.co.kr/view.php?ud=20190818000088 https://apnews.com/12472d8f87944f12ae63f74a2829a410 If you’d like to take the Grit questionnaire for yourself: https://angeladuckworth.com/grit-scale/

In this audio-log style episode, Hana shares a little 6-month update (or 7 months to be precise) on her life in Seoul. Hana gives us an honest and descriptive glimpse into her everyday life in Korea, complete with work-related stress, the rare home-cooked meal, baking when you don't have an oven, friendship, community, and the ability to make meaning in/out of the situations she finds herself in. Hope you enjoy it!

In this episode, Ryan talks to Dr. Jess Walton, a Melbourne-based senior researcher, an author, a new mother, and a dear friend of ours. Jess shares openly and generously about her research, her new book (Korean Adoptees and Transnational Adoption: Embodiment and Emotion, Routledge 2019) and her experience of becoming a parent for the first time. We also discuss Jess's research on 'acting white,' adoptee emotional labor, racism, the important and often overlooked role of foster mothers, attachment, pre-verbal loss, and finally, the immeasurable joys of having a child. To learn more about Jess's research, check out: https://www.deakin.edu.au/about-deakin/people/jessica-walton

In this short and sweet mini-pod, Hana and Ryan discuss their 2019s, hopes and goals for 2020, and the joys of running the podcast so far. Hana shares her NYE reflective prompts, her grand vision for 2020 (in the form of an animal, naturally!), and they both contemplate what 2020 might mean for their relationships with Korea. Also, stay tuned until the end for an exciting update from Ryan! Thanks so much to all our listeners for supporting us during our first year and we look forward to spending 2020 with you all! xx

Tune in to our conversation on self-care, burnout, stress, and the holidays - including references to (Hana’s wellness guru) Elizabeth Gilbert, the potential over-use of the metaphor of eggs in baskets and scared puppies, how self-care can also involve self-discipline, and the importance of identifying and legitimizing one's feelings. We also managed to sneak in unplanned discussions of Disney's Frozen 2 (spoiler alert!) and the K-drama thriller Tunnel (major spoiler alert!). Happy holidays everyone! References: Erynn Brook’s twitter thread on boundaries: bit.ly/erynnbrook Elizabeth Gilbert on Instagram: bit.ly/lizgilbertig Elizabeth Gilbert’s animal metaphor: bit.ly/careforyouranimal

Hana sat down with Hilbrand Westra in Seoul, after participating in one of his workshops for adoptees, for an extended convo that goes deep into feelings. They talk about the systemic approach, core issues that adoptees face, the path to healing, the limitations of conventional talking therapy for some adoptees, working specifically with men, and more. [CW: This episode discusses adoptee suicide] Hilbrand is a Korean adoptee from the Netherlands, well-known in the international adoptee community for his activism and leadership over the past 30 years. After working in human resources management for big corporate firms, he encountered Systemic Work and Constellations, a multi-dimensional form of somatic psychotherapy that originated in Europe, and ultimately became a therapeutic practitioner in this method. He now conducts workshops, trains facilitators, and provides personal coaching, specialising in adoption, foster care, and migration issues. For more information about Hilbrand and the systemic approach, you can visit his website: http://www.adoptionconstellations.com/

Although Hana and Ryan have discussed various topics so far on the podcast, they’ve shied away from talking about their adoptive families. In this episode they talk about the reasons why, about trying to protect their parents’ feelings, and what they do and don’t discuss with their parents. They also reflect on what it’s like talking on community education panels to adoptive parents, and give their two cents on what younger adoptees need from their parents. P.S. Stay tuned til the end to hear Ryan’s special request to Seoul-based listeners!

A friend and podcast listener recently pointed out that many of our episodes talk about search and reunion, especially now that both of us have reunited. But of course not all adoptees who start a birth family search reunite, and not all adoptees want to search in the first place. In light of National Adoption Awareness Month, we wanted to expand the narrative to include the experiences of adoptees who search unsuccessfully over an extended period of time, and whose journeys are equally important. Hana chats to her old friend Alyson Yost, who shares generously about her birth family search, and offers some personal tools, guidance, and a longer-term perspective. Alyson Yost is a Korean adoptee from Hershey, Pennsylvania. She works as a Registered Nurse and she has two children who are 5 and 7. Since participating on GOA’L’s First Trip Home program in 2010, she has been actively involved in the adoptee community. She administers a few adoptee groups and pages on Facebook and she is active in her local adult adoptee groups “Korean Adult adoptees of Central PA” (Shout out to them!) and “Ta-ri”. Recently Alyson became a member of the advisory council for The Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network (aka KAAN) and she has presented numerous times at their yearly conference, on various topics including adoptee milestones, parenting, relationships, stereotypes and microaggressions.

Hana sits down for a casual conversation with the very talented Meg O'Shea - aka @even.little.meg - a comic maker and illustrator, and fellow Australian Korean adoptee living in Seoul. They talk about Meg's comics and illustrations, why she was drawn to comics as a medium, moving to Korea, racism in Australia, belonging, and her creative process (spoiler: it involves snacks). CW: Interview mentions sexual harassment and sexual assault.

In this episode Ryan spills the beans on what it was like meeting their birthmother for the first time! We talk about the additional complexities involved in being a trans and queer adoptee searching for birth family - incl. explaining one's gender identity and relationship, DNA testing, and fear of rejection. We also touch on themes relevant to cis and trans adoptees alike: What does it mean to forgive? And if we are 'reunited' with birth family, how do we create and sustain meaningful connections? P.s. Scroll back to Episode 4 to hear about Ryan's birth family search, if you haven't listened already!

In this episode, Hana and Ryan sit down with JaeRan Kim, who we were very lucky to catch right after the IKAA Gathering. JaeRan is a social worker, writer, teacher and scholar. Her involvement in the adoptee activist community began with her well-known blog “Harlow’s Monkey”, an unapologetic look at transracial and transnational adoption, which has been running for 13 years strong. We talk about how JaeRan first got into social work, her current projects including research on adoptees as parents, research ethics, and blogging. She also shares how she talked to her kids about adoption as they were growing up - which may have involved some critical analyses of Disney film narratives. And the musical Annie. (Also, listen til the end to hear Hana's protip for a quick and foolproof way to learn to love kimchi).

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to move back to your birth country? In this episode, Hana gives an honest account of her relocation in the form of a quick guide to moving to Korea - slightly tongue-in-cheek but also peppered with practical advice. Hana and Ryan also discuss the joys of Daiso, that song from Moana again, and one special Californian peacock, fondly named 'Barry.'