Modern Pleasure Podcast

You asked. We answered. And apparently, you wanted to hear more. While Sex and the Psyche takes a short production break, we're bringing back some of your favorite conversations, and we're starting with one of our most downloaded episodes. In this Encore Episode, Jenni and Daniel tackle the questions about sex, relationships, and intimacy that people are often too embarrassed, curious, or nervous to ask out loud. We dive into small penis size, casual sex, sexual rejection, and why rejection can cut so deeply. We answer these questions with honesty, humor, compassion, and a little science along the way. Whether you missed this conversation the first time or you're ready to hear it again, there's something here for everyone. Because sometimes the questions we're most hesitant to ask are the ones we're all wondering about. Listen, laugh, learn...and remember: you're probably not the only one asking. New episodes of Sex and the Psyche return soon. Until then, enjoy this Encore Conversation, and keep your questions coming. Yours might be next! Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok and please DM us with your questions! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Department of Defense made headlines when it announced plans to test testosterone levels in active military members. The debate that followed was loud, political, and almost entirely missed the point. Jenni and Daniel are not interested in the political conversation. They are interested in the clinical one, and in this episode they take a current news story and do what they do best: strip away the noise and get to what actually matters. They start with the basics. Testosterone is not simply a marker of masculinity- it is a marker of health. Vitality. Mood. Cognitive clarity. The capacity to make good decisions under pressure. Too high creates its own problems. Too low, which is far more common, particularly in high-stress, sleep-deprived environments like military service, produces depression, fatigue, irritability, and a creeping sense that something is fundamentally off. Daniel's phrase for it, borrowed from their recent conversation with Dr. Rachel Rubin, says it precisely: I don't feel like myself. But the number alone tells you almost nothing. A reading of 450 might have one man feeling like he's on top of the world and another quietly falling apart. Context matters. Individual baseline matters. And the systems surrounding that number- sleep, stress, relationships, mental health, nutrition and physical strength matter as much as the hormone itself. Testing testosterone without addressing those systems is, as Daniel puts it, throwing a pill at a very complex situation. Jenni brings women into the conversation and makes the case that hormonal testing is not a male-only issue. She shares her own experience discovering her testosterone was in the basement despite being a muscular, physically active person, and explains why estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone together form the constellation that optimizes women's physical, sexual, and mental health. She makes the point that neither testosterone nor estrogen belongs exclusively to one gender- men need estrogen, women need testosterone, and balance is individual, not categorical. Daniel ties it back to the bio-psychosocial model- the framework that Jenni and Daniel have built their entire clinical practice around. You can test the biology. But if the psychology is suffering (anxiety, depression, unprocessed trauma) and the social dimension is broken, (relationships in conflict, connection absent isolation growing), the biology will follow. Each system pulls on the others. Fix the sleep and the testosterone improves. Improve the testosterone and the irritability decreases. Decrease the irritability and the relationship gets better. The relationship getting better reduces stress. The stress reduction improves sleep. You pull one string and it moves another one. They close with the thing that surprises most people when they say it out loud: the antidote to stress is connection. Not a supplement. Not a number. Not a protocol. The ratio of connection to disconnection in your life is one of the most powerful health metrics available- and it's the one almost nobody tracks. This episode is for veterans and first responders. It's for anyone who has wondered why they don't feel like themselves. It's for women who have never been told to test their testosterone. It's for men who didn't know that low testosterone looks like depression. And it's for anyone who has been waiting for someone to say that their relationships, their sleep, their stress load, and their hormones are not separate conversations- they are one conversation, and it starts here.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sally and Zach Maxwell introduced eight pillars. Jenni and Daniel spent the next number of days talking about all of them. This bonus episode is what happens when two therapists who are also married to each other sit down to unpack a framework that resonated deeply- finding the places where the Maxwell pillars align with their own clinical work, the places where they want to push further, and the places where an entirely new conversation opens up. The first thread is about why frameworks matter at all. Daniel makes the case that most couples stumble into relationship rather than building it intentionally, and that having named categories for what you're working on is not cold or clinical. It is the scaffolding that allows the emotional, spontaneous, genuinely alive parts of a relationship to exist without collapsing under their own weight. Jenni responds with a vision of the Maxwell pillars printed on the refrigerator, a cheat sheet for the OCD brain, the ADD brain, and every brain that has ever been in a relationship and lost the thread of where the conversation was supposed to be going. The second thread is about authenticity, and it starts with Jenni noticing something about Zach Maxwell. He is not fluffy or effusive. He doesn't do the rom-com version of showing up. And yet he is clearly exactly the right person for Sally. Daniel's answer is one of the most quietly important things he says in any episode this season: what matters is not that you show up the way your partner imagines you should. It's that you show up wholeheartedly in your own way, because a partner performing someone else's version of love is not actually giving you love at all. Your partner can feel the difference. Every time. The third thread is the one that deserves its own full episode, and Jenni says so directly. Sex as a transaction. Not the dismissive, joyless version of that phrase. The genuinely useful reframe: I am going to offer you pleasure, and in exchange you are going to offer me pleasure. And if you can surrender to that- if you can allow yourself to be present in the transaction rather than resentful of it, something shifts. This leads to Daniel's homework assignment built around a car dealership analogy that somehow perfectly captures everything. The narrative you bring to a transaction determines the experience you have of it. Where in your relationship are you walking in convinced you're going to get the short end of the stick? And what would shift if you walked in grateful instead? And it leads to the line that became the title of this episode. How many women have sat across from Jenni in her office and said some version of: I feel like I'm just a receptacle. Like he's using me. And Jenni's clinical response, delivered with complete warmth and zero apology is the truest and funniest reframe she has: he can masturbate with his hand. He is choosing you because he wants connection with you. He likes you. And your vagina. And those two things are allowed to coexist. This is Jenni and Daniel at their most themselves. Thinking out loud, finishing each other's sentences, disagreeing slightly, and landing somewhere true.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Karen Bigman's path to becoming a menopause sex educator is one of the most unexpectedly compelling origin stories we've heard on this podcast. She started in technology. She raised children. She worked in restaurants. And then, in her early 50s, newly separated after a 25-year marriage and struggling to orgasm with a new partner, she found her way to a sexual medicine practice run by Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, where a nurse practitioner handed her a little blue bullet vibrator, suggested she try it in the next room, and Karen came back five minutes later saying "you just changed my life". That moment is the seed of everything Karen has built since. Her platform, Taboo to Truth, is dedicated to dismantling the two most pervasive myths she encounters in her work: that sex is something people stop having at a certain age, and that it's a topic too taboo to discuss openly. Her course, Men Meet Menopause, is built on the radical premise that male partners, often the most confused and the most shut out from the conversation, deserve their own education, their own language, and their own practical tools for showing up during one of the most significant transitions their partner will experience. In this episode, Karen joins Jenni and Daniel for a conversation that covers a remarkable amount of ground with warmth, humor, and genuine clinical depth. They dig into why menopause remains under-discussed even in 2026, the lingering shadow of the Women's Health Initiative, the male reluctance to name what they're observing, the shame women carry about bodies that are changing in ways they didn't expect. Daniel introduces the compassion sandwich, leading with care rather than observation, as the reframe that changes how every difficult conversation lands. Karen talks about the five pillars underlying sexual disconnection in midlife couples, and what it looks like when one of them wobbles. Jenni brings in the Cheesecake of Pleasure- her clinical framework for expanding a couple's repertoire beyond intercourse as the only available flavor, and the conversation around grief, creativity, and what it means to look forward to something bigger than what you're losing becomes one of the richest exchanges of the season. Karen's concept of sex snacks sits beautifully alongside it. Both frameworks point to the same clinical truth: when intercourse is temporarily or permanently off the table, the answer is not resignation. It's creativity. It's building a palette of pleasure that belongs to this season rather than mourning the one that's passed. Karen closes with the line that may be the most important thing in the episode: don't give up. Don't accept the myth that this is done. Don't believe that sex is only for young people or for other people or for the version of your relationship that existed before all of this. The research shows that women over 60 can have the best sex of their lives if they want. The invitation: for women navigating menopause and for the partners who love them, is to join the journey together and find out what's on the other side.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the conversation that happened after the conversation. Part one of our Deb Rubin episode covered the foundations: why sexuality is not an emergency, the three things that make kids stop talking to you, and the difference between sexuality and sexualization. This part two episode picks up exactly where that left off, and goes somewhere most parenting conversations don't. The first thread is clothing. Specifically: what do you actually do when your middle schooler comes downstairs in something that makes your stomach drop? Deb walks us through the questions she loves. Not the panicked parental reaction, but the slow, deliberate, genuinely curious questions that keep the conversation open rather than slamming it shut. Is it weather appropriate? Does it fit? Does it feel comfortable? Is it right for the occasion? And underneath all of those: is my reaction coming from a fear, or from a responsibility? She also names something that most parents are thinking and nobody says out loud: people make a quick snapshot decision based on how you look. Not fair. Not right. But true, and worth telling your kid directly, without judgment, so they can factor it into their own deliberate choices rather than discovering it the hard way. The second thread is social media. Deb waited until her daughters were fourteen before allowing any social media at all. She was strict about time limits and relaxed about content, believing that her job was to manage the dopamine delivery mechanism, not to surveil everything her kids were consuming. And then, in junior year, she removed the limits entirely. Not because the concern was gone, but because she had two years left under her roof to let her daughter practice managing herself and discover, on her own, whether she needed limits at all. Her daughter put them back on after a month. That story, (the limits removed, the daughter who reinstated them herself) is the emotional and clinical centerpiece of part two of our conversation with Deb Rubin. Because it illustrates everything Deb has been saying across both conversations: the goal is not control. The goal is critical thinking. The goal is a kid who, when left to their own devices, reaches for what actually serves them. Jenni closes the episode with a clinical frame that Deb immediately said she was going to steal: the dopamine toolbox. When electronics are the only source of dopamine in a child's life, the consequences are significant and well-documented. The invitation, for kids and for the adults raising them, is to build a diverse toolbox of dopamine sources. Movement. Connection. Creative work. Real-world competence. Not instead of screens, but alongside them, so that the pull of any single source never becomes the whole story.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode features Deb Rubin on creating a sex-positive home, the three things that make kids stop talking to you, and why there is no "talk", just a thousand small moments. Deb Rubin is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and therapeutic parent coach based in Boulder, Colorado, with over twenty years of experience helping parents navigate the transition from childhood to adolescence. She's also Jenni's longtime colleague and friend, which means this conversation goes places most podcast conversations don't. The episode opens with a deceptively simple question: how do parents move past their own discomfort to become the trusted voice in their child's life around sexuality? And from there it becomes one of the most practically useful conversations about sex education and parenting that Sex and the Psyche has ever hosted. Deb introduces a framework that reframes the entire conversation: sexuality is not an emergency. It's not one talk. It's not a checklist. It's short, sweet, and consistent, a thousand small moments of curiosity and honesty that accumulate, over years, into a child who trusts you enough to tell you things you didn't even know you wanted to know. She breaks down the three parental responses that immediately shut kids down; judgment, over-empathizing, and catastrophic thinking, and explains why the parent who says almost nothing in the moment of a share almost always gets told more. She distinguishes clearly between sexuality (natural, internal, expressive) and sexualization (external, objectifying, worth-based), and explains why conflating the two is one of the most damaging things the culture does to young people. And she names something that Daniel articulates beautifully near the end of the episode: the difference between parenting from fear and parenting from responsibility. A fear requires you to go inward. A responsibility requires you to have a conversation. Knowing which one you're operating from changes everything about how you show up. This episode is for every parent who has ever frozen in the moment, said the wrong thing, or wondered whether they've already missed their window. The answer, Deb makes clear, is almost always no. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

No guest this week. Just Jenni and Daniel, two married co-hosts, two therapists, and two people who are very comfortable talking about things most people avoid entirely. The episode starts where it always does for this podcast: with honesty. A scheduling miscommunication left them without a guest, and instead of papering over it, they open with a real conversation about what rejection actually does to a person. The small sting of a scheduling glitch, scaled up to the much deeper sting of being turned down by the person you love. Because rejection, as Jenni explains, is the opposite of belonging. And belonging, at the neurological level, is survival. From there, they turn to listener questions. The first comes from a partner who isn't bothered by her person's small penis, but is bothered by the fact that they're working through it in therapy without including her in the conversation. Jenni and Daniel explore body confidence, creative solutions, the power of open-handed poker in a relationship, and why men with smaller penises are often significantly better lovers than men who rely on size to carry the experience. The second question arrives from a recently divorced woman re-entering the dating scene, asking whether men are biologically capable of casual sex or whether that's cultural conditioning. The answer, as both Jenni and Daniel agree, is both, and the reasoning is genuinely illuminating. Daniel brings in evolutionary psychology, reproductive biology, and a quietly stunning fact about the male body's response at the moment of death that explains just how deeply the drive to reproduce is wired. Jenni brings in the bio-psychosocial frame- the cultural narratives that reward sexual conquest, the way casual sex can paradoxically produce performance anxiety, and the attachment lens. Which leads to the final thread of the episode: a full breakdown of all four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and ambivalent. And how each one shapes the capacity for casual sex, the experience of rejection, and the push-pull dynamics that make relationships so complicated and so human. This is one of those episodes that covers more ground in thirty-five minutes than most podcasts manage in two hours.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Brooke Bralove has been doing talk therapy for over twenty years. She's good at it. And she will tell you, clearly and without hesitation, that there are things talk therapy simply cannot do. That's where Accelerated Resolution Therapy comes in. ART is a brief, neuroscience-based treatment modality that uses rapid eye movement, similar to what happens during REM sleep combined with a technique called voluntary image replacement, to rewire the way the brain stores negative memories, traumatic experiences, and the body sensations that accompany them. The process is fast. Often remarkably so. Single-incident trauma: rarely more than two sessions. Sometimes one. In this episode, Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz sit down with Brooke to explore one of the most underused and under-discussed tools in sexual health. They walk through how ART works, the eye movements, the desensitization, the director scene, and the brain's extraordinary capacity to store a new narrative without ever erasing the facts of what actually happened. They share clinical stories: a man whose erectile dysfunction resolved after clearing a decade-old stabbing trauma he'd never connected to his sexual functioning. A woman with six years of pelvic pain who immediately surfaced a childhood memory of being beaten- a memory that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with the body's guarding response. A woman who hadn't been intimate with her husband in six years, whose desire returned after a single session of releasing the accumulated irritation that had been sitting in its place. And then Jenni shares something she's never shared publicly before. The personal session she did with Brooke at ISSWSH. The image that had been jumping into her brain during foreplay since she was twelve. What the eye movements revealed about a memory she thought was something it wasn't. And the director scene she created, spontaneously, without planning, that left her, in her own words, feeling more alive in her body and her Eros than she had in years. Daniel brings the evolutionary lens: why predators look around while prey looks forward, what perspective actually does to the nervous system, and the Japanese concept of Kintsugi (filling cracks with gold) as a metaphor for what ART does to a memory. Brooke talks about using eye movements before presentations, during chronic pain, and in moments of anticipatory anxiety. And she makes a quietly radical suggestion: that art as a daily self-administered practice might be one of the most accessible nervous system tools available to anyone willing to look at two spots on a wall for thirty seconds. The motto of ART is simple. Keep the knowledge, lose the pain. This episode is the best possible introduction to what that means. https://brookebralove.com/accelerated-resolution-therapy/ https://brookebralove.com/ https://www.instagram.com/brookebralovepsychotherapy/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When Claire Rumore was lifted into a hospital gurney to undergo her first biopsy, she stepped aside to use the restroom first. And while she was there, she heard a quiet internal voice ask her a question: Do you want to go back to the life you had before? Is that what you want? Without hesitation, her answer was no. What followed was one of the most unusual cancer journeys in modern medicine. Claire was 43 years old. She had stage four pancreatic cancer — a diagnosis that typically affects older men, and that her medical team never actually disclosed to her during treatment. She went through two major abdominal surgeries, dropped to 74 pounds, lost her menstrual cycle, lost her libido, and lost the person she had been. And then, slowly, over the course of eighteen months, she found her way back. Not to who she was- but to someone clearer, more embodied, and more deeply connected to her own desire than she had ever been before. In this episode, Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz sit down with Claire for a conversation about the emotional, relational, and erotic dimensions of cancer recovery that medicine almost never addresses. Claire is the founder of Cancer and Intimacy, an education platform built on a three-part framework she developed from her own experience and her work with patients, survivors, and their partners. The first lily pad is erotic grief, the deeply under addressed process of mourning what's been lost: The body you knew, the sexuality you had, the intimacy you can no longer access in the same way. Claire has written a free ebook on erotic grief and makes a compelling case that this experience is not exclusive to cancer. It's universal to anyone navigating major change. The second is libido listening. The slow, quiet, inward practice of reacquainting yourself with your own body's signals after illness or loss. Claire describes learning to feel pleasure in the sheets against her skin, in the air in the room, in the gentlest forms of touch, what she calls subtle sexuality. A term she coined to describe the low, soft, sensory orientation to desire that becomes the entry point back to conventional sexuality. Claire Rumore WebsiteSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jeff Abraham didn't set out to build a sexual wellness company. He was a semiconductor engineer from a coal mining town in Pennsylvania who sold his business, retired, and got a call from his neighbor, Dr. Ronald Gilbert, the urologist who invented Promescent's delay spray. One conversation, one product sample, and one phone call later, Jeff was all in. What followed was fifteen years of building one of the most respected sexual wellness brands in the world with over 5 million bottles sold, more than 4,000 healthcare professionals recommending the product, and a mission that Jeff describes simply as helping people. Along the way, he lost his closest friend to an act of senseless violence. And he decided the best thing he could do with that grief was give Dr. Gilbert the legacy he deserved. In this episode, Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz sit down with Jeff for one of the most candid and practically useful conversations about male sexual functioning you'll find anywhere. They dig into the clinical reality of premature ejaculation, the difference between clinical PE and the much larger group of men who simply want better intimacy. Why 75% of women don't orgasm from intercourse alone, and what that means for couples. Why men who struggle with PE often stop initiating sex entirely, and the spiral that follows. How shame, not physiology, is usually the most dangerous factor in the room. And why Jeff's answer to "what's the best thing you can do for better intimacy?" is still, always, communication. They also talk about the rise of male masturbatory devices, why younger men are increasingly choosing not to pursue partners at all, the engineering logic behind Promescent's patented eutectic formula, and how to "put one in the bank" before intercourse if anxiety is running the show. This is a conversation for men who have quietly stepped back from intimacy because of shame and for the partners who don't understand why. Jeff is warm, irreverent, deeply informed, and completely unafraid to say the thing most people in this space are dancing around.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz sit down with Zach and Sally Maxwell, relationship thought leaders, executive coaches, and co-founders of The Art of Conscious Love, for a conversation that will change how you think about romance. Together since they were 18, the Maxwells have built a modern relationship framework around a radical premise: love is not something you fall into. It's something you practice. They walk through their eight-pillar approach to conscious relationships covering personal accountability, inner narratives, transparency, desire, conflict resolution, and the art of consciously designing your own monogamy. A masterclass in what it actually takes to make love last. https://www.max-wellcoaching.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/sally-swallow-maxwell/ sally@max-wellcoaching.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If Part 1 was about the field of sexual medicine, Part 2 is about the marriage at the center of it. Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz return to their conversation with Dr. Irwin and Sue Goldstein, and this time, the questions get more personal. How do you stay married for fifty years? What does great sex actually look like across the decades? And what happens when a woman who has spent her career in sexual medicine starts experiencing low desire herself? Sue Goldstein opens up about her own journey through peri-menopause and the slow erosion of her libido- what she calls "duty sex", and the medications that brought not just her sex drive back, but a playfulness in her marriage she hadn't realized had gone missing. She walks listeners through her menopause toolbox of five treatments, explains why she's "76 and feels like she's in her 50s", and dismantles the lingering fears from the Women's Health Initiative that have kept generations of women in what she calls hormone prison. Dr. Irwin shares his own daily protocols for sexual health, why he believes most older men are leaving capacity on the table, and the surprising data from their own clinic- that more than half the Vyleesi prescriptions they write are off-label for men. They explore why dopamine is dopamine, regardless of gender. The reality of persistent genital arousal disorder. And a remarkable story of a teenage horseback rider whose chronic arousal turned out to be a herniated disc. This episode is full of practical wisdom, clinical innovation, and one of the most real conversations about long-term love you'll hear all year. The Goldsteins' secret to fifty years of marriage? Best friends, good sex, and the willingness to keep trying new things — including a chocolate sauce on the day before you change the sheets. Irwin Goldstein, MD, IF (he/him/his). Director, San Diego Sexual Medicine 5555 Reservoir Drive, Suite 300, San Diego, CA 92120, Director, Sexual Medicine, UC San Diego Health East Campus, San Diego, CA. Clinical Professor of Urology, University of California at San Diego. Voluntary Clinical Professor of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive Services Past President, International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health. Past President, Sexual Medicine Society of North America. Editor Emeritus, Sexual Medicine Reviews, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, International Journal of Impotence Research. Phone: 619 265-8865 - Mobile: 619 987-7432. Email: dr.irwingoldstein@gmail.com. http://www.sandiegosexualmedicine.com. Like us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SDSexMed. X: http://twitter.com/SDSexualMedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Irwin Goldstein didn't set out to become a pioneer of sexual medicine. He was a biomedical engineer turned urology resident who, as he tells it, asked one stupid question during a 1976 surgery: "Could you explain the physiology of erection to me?" The surgeon shrugged. Irwin spent the next decade figuring it out. Along the way, he co-discovered that nitric oxide, the elephant of our air, is what makes erections possible. He published the first paper on it in 1991. Seven years later, he became the first author on the New England Journal of Medicine paper that introduced Viagra to the world. But that's only half the story. The other half is Sue Goldstein, Irwin's college sweetheart turned partner in life, parenting, and eventually the practice itself. Sue spent decades raising their family while quietly absorbing the science her husband brought home. She is now an AASECT-certified educator, a published researcher, and one of the most outspoken patient advocates in the field. Together, they run San Diego Sexual Medicine, a clinic where every patient gets a three-hour visit, full education, and an entire team practicing what they call true bio-psycho social care. In this first half of our two-part conversation, Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz sit with the Goldsteins and explore how a field gets built, and how it still leaves so many patients behind. They cover prostate cancer and the silent erectile crisis that follows it. The buccal grafting innovation that's helping women with severe vestibular pain finally get answers. Why women, on average, see ten or twelve doctors before they get a real diagnosis. And Sue's pet peeve, medical gaslighting and what to do when a doctor says "there's nothing that can be done." This is a conversation for anyone who has ever felt unheard by a clinician, dismissed by their own body, or convinced they were the problem. The Goldsteins want you to know — you're not. You just haven't been to the right office yet. Irwin Goldstein, MD, IF (he/him/his)Director, San Diego Sexual Medicine5555 Reservoir Drive, Suite 300, San Diego, CA 92120Director, Sexual Medicine, UC San Diego Health East Campus, San Diego, CAClinical Professor of Urology, University of California at San DiegoVoluntary Clinical Professor of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive ServicesPast President, International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual HealthPast President, Sexual Medicine Society of North AmericaEditor Emeritus, Sexual Medicine Reviews, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, International Journal of Impotence Researchphone: 619 265-8865fax: 619 265-7696mobile: 619 987-7432dr.irwingoldstein@gmail.comhttp://www.sandiegosexualmedicine.comLike us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SDSexMedtwitter.com/SDSexualMedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When Susan Bratton talks about intimacy, she doesn't speak in theory. She speaks from 34 years of marriage. From decades of teaching couples how to stay erotically connected through every life stage. From writing 44 books and programs on passionate lovemaking and from her own personal journey. Eleven years into her marriage, she had never had an orgasm from intercourse and was avoiding sex with her husband entirely. Then she learned. And everything changed. In this episode, Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz sit down with Susan for a wide-ranging conversation about what really keeps long-term love erotically alive. They talk about the expanded orgasm practice she learned from her mentor Dr. Patti Taylor — and how it transformed Susan from someone who couldn't orgasm during intercourse into someone who describes herself as an "orgasmic optimizer." They explore why Susan rejects the word "anorgasmia" entirely, replacing it with a single word: yet. They dig into the truth about female arousal that most couples never learn — that women's erectile tissue takes 20 to 30 minutes to fully engorge, and that the cultural script of "get hard, penetrate, finish" is, in Susan's words, "a religiously repressed patriarchal female oppression strategy that is no longer working." They talk about scheduled intimate dates (Susan and her husband have them two to six times a week), radical honesty as the foundation of a 34-year marriage, and why turn-on isn't just about sex — it's a life force that spills into everything. Susan also shares her ten intimacy principles — including the one she calls the most important of them all: practicing radical honesty. If you've ever wondered whether long-term love and erotic aliveness can coexist — Susan is the proof, and this episode is the playbook. Susan is a champion and advocate for all those who desire ageless intimacy. She is a best-selling author and publisher of 44 books and programs including Sexual Soulmates, Relationship Magic, Revive Her Drive, The Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection, Ravish Him, Dirty Talk, The Pumping Guide and Thrust In Time. She’s the official company spokesperson for GAINSWave® and TheDr. Joel Kaplan Company. She serves as Chief Advocacy Officer of ProDxHealth.org STI testing. Susan has been a featured guest on over 1,000 podcasts and TV shows, including: Diary of a CEO, You Are Not Broken, Sex with Emily, The Human Upgrade with Dave Asprey, GoodMoms Bad Choices, HealThyself, IDIOT with Laura Clery, The Infamous “Clit Camp” Music Video, LuvBites with Dr. Tara, and The Chalene Show. Her books and interviews have helped millions take control of their sexual joy. Her message resonates across gender and age because it’s rooted in agency, body literacy, and connection. Susan Bratton | "Intimacy Expert to Millions ” CEO, Better Lover · Personal Life Media · The20 Susan has spent over two decades doing something censorship and shame have long tried to silence: teaching people the pleasure-based sex education they never received. She is the world's most prolific sex educator and author of 44 books and programs. Her newsletters, Better Lover, Personal Life Media, The20, and Longevity Wins, reach 300,000 readers, and her precision sexual vitality supplements are formulated on the science of blood flow and desire. SusanBratton.com BetterLover.com Personal Life Media, Inc.The20, LLC.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, Jenni and Daniel talk with infidelity expert Michelle Weiner-Davisabout how couples can rebuild sex, safety, and emotional connection after an affair. They normalize everything from “hot and heavy” post-discovery sex to long dry spells, and offer practical tools for easing back into touch, managing triggers, and shifting from obligation to genuine desire. Michelle also explains why she believes choice—not a “bad marriage”—causes infidelity, and how he two-day intensives help couples move from crisis to traction. Bullet Points: It’s common for betrayed partners to feel increased sexual desire for the unfaithful spouse right after discovery—this can be a form of reclaiming and reconnection, not something to be ashamed of. After an initial “hot and heavy” phase, sex often cools down, which can trigger panic that the couple is sliding back into old patterns. Rebuilding intimacy works best when couples start with low‑ pressure touch (like hugs that are explicitly not a prelude to sex) instead of jumping straight to intercourse. Many women experience sex as obligation—understanding responsive desire and their own pleasure can shift sex from duty to something they actively want. Michelle argues that “bad marriages don’t cause infidelity; deciding to cheat does”, and she uses two‑ day therapy intensives to give couples enough time to stabilize, process, and begin real repair. Links: Michele@divorcebusting.com2-day intensive InformationAudiobook: Healing from InfidelityWebsite: DivorceBusting.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, Dr. Jenni and Daniel sit down with Michele Weiner-Davis — internationally renowned marriage therapist, bestselling author, and creator of the Divorce Busting method — for a conversation about what most therapists won't tell you: that many marriages assumed to be over are actually salvageable, and that infidelity, while devastating, is rarely the real ending.Michele shares the personal story behind her solution-focused approach, including how her own mother's divorce shaped her commitment to helping couples find another way. Michele, Jenni, and Daniel dig into the questions betrayed partners feel compelled to ask — and which ones quietly keep the pain alive longer than it needs to. They explore the unfaithful partner's essential role in repair, why "just communicate" isn't enough, and what real healing actually requires from both people in the room.This is a conversation for anyone who has wondered if their relationship can come back from something hard — and for anyone who has been told it can’t. Links: Michele@divorcebusting.com2-day intensive InformationAudiobook: Healing from InfidelityWebsite: DivorceBusting.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this never released short Bonus Episode from The Modern Pleasure Podcast with Dr. Jenni Skyler and Kim Kaplan, Paul Joannides discusses cultural issues surrounding women's sexuality, including the restriction of abortion and birth control, and emphasizes the importance of sex education. Paul shares a story from a college newspaper about young women's negative views on masturbation. Dr. Skyler adds that these attitudes often stem from religious or cultural upbringing, and the conversation touches on the broader societal messaging around pleasure and sexuality.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Paul Joannides is an author and sex therapist who discusses the impact of his book on reducing anxiety and shame around sex. In this never before published episode from the Modern Pleasure Podcast which Kim Kaplan and Dr. Jenni Skyler co-hosted together, they discuss the challenges parents face in educating their children about sex and the importance of starting these conversations early. They also explore the role of religion and societal norms in shaping sexual attitudes. Dr. Paul emphasizes the need for better sex education, particularly for men, and the importance of understanding the differences between male and female sexuality.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this bonus episode, Kim Kaplan, Dr. Jenni Skyler, and Natalie discuss the therapeutic use of psychedelics, particularly MDMA, for healing sexual trauma. They emphasize that different psychedelics are suited to different traumas and that set and setting are crucial. Natalie highlights the importance of a knowledgeable guide and the process of preparation, including obtaining informed consent. They role-play a preparation session, illustrating the need to address ambivalence and fear. Dr. Skyler experiences anxiety and fear, which Natalie validates and respects. The conversation underscores the necessity of creating a safe therapeutic environment where clients can express their true feelings and needs, empowering them in their healing journey.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this lost episode from "The Modern Pleasure Podcast" Kim and Jenni talk to Natalie Cooney who runs the Compass Healing Project about healing trauma with both somatic experiencing and psychedelics. Natalie is an expert on somatic experiencing and how sexual trauma can exist in our body and how to heal that. We dive into sexual disassociation, the power of psychedelics and how to be present with that trauma and deeply heal. Industry Portfolio: www.natalierushcooney.comLicensed Clinical Work: www.compasshealingproject.comCoaching + Consulting: www.myembodiedsoul.com Instagram: @compasshealingproject Twitter/X: @natalierushcooney Facebook: /compasshealingproject Linkdin: www.linkedin.com/in/natalierushcooney // Compass Healing Project See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Listen to this Bonus Episode where Kim, Jenni and Daniel discuss the hows, when and why talking about sex with your children is an important part of healthy sexual development. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Listen to this past episode from the Modern Pleasure Podcast where Kim talks to Dr. Jenni and her husband, Daniel Lebowitz on the subject of ED. Daniel explains how ED plagues both the partnership and the man, but how important it is for the penis to be the signal, acting like a lightning rod for your needs, wants, fears and boundaries. Daniel also covers important facts around prostate surgery. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This "Listen Again" episode was one of our favorites, and it deserves a re-visit! Dr. Jenni and Kim talk to Dr. Craig Heacock, an adolescent and adult psychiatrist and addiction specialist in Colorado who hosts the psychiatric storytelling podcast “Back from the Abyss.” He is a co-therapist in the Phase 3 trial of MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy for PTSD and has particular interest in the use of psychedelics to treat severe mood disorders and PTSD. In this conversation, we talk about psychiatric drugs and their effect on our sex drive. Dive into this fascinating conversation for the first time, or again...with Dr. Craig Heacock. Find Dr. Heacocks podcast here https://www.craigheacockmd.com/podcast-page/ Kim’s blog 31-50 - https://31to50.blogspot.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Producer Kim Kaplan interviews Jenni and Daniel on their experience hosting the first season of Sex and the Psyche, and take a look back at some of their favorite episodes and what they've learned in the process. They also give a glimpse of what to expect in Season Two. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Previously on Sex and the Psyche, Dr. Jenni and Daniel interviewed a male guest named Andy (Episode 5- The Irony of Sexual Selfishness). Andy is back to report on his progress after three months, and brings along his wife for a fun surprise!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenni and Daniel learn about how sex toys are chosen and produced at America’s largest sex toy company, Adam and Eve. Guest colleague, Ginger Vickery “sells smiles and pleasure products”. She discusses the company’s best sellers and how to shop whether you are a beginner or advanced user of the pleasure products! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenni and Daniel continue their conversation on the Commodification of Sex in this Bonus Episode that provides suggestions for creating deeper connections within sexual relationships in the Gen Z era. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jenni and Daniel respond to a listener question from a mom with two Gen-Z kids who is wondering why her 20-something children don’t pursue relationships or sex. Jenni and Daniel unpack this conundrum as they explore factors such as screens, social media, cultural narratives, and, how intimacy has become commodified. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jenni and Daniel read 3 listener questions from women who have male partners with low sex drive. Learn what depletes the male drive, even when testosterone is healthy or high. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jenni and Daniel continue the conversation with colleague and friend, Michelle Miscione. They dive deeper into how resentment erodes relationships, and how laughter and personal responsibility are essential antidotes. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jenni and Daniel sit down with couples therapist colleague, Michelle Miscione, to discuss a case study on sexuality and neurodivergence. Michelle talks about "Eli and Marcus", who navigate ADHD and autism traits and how they successfully have made sex and intimacy work for them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenni and Daniel resolve their marital tension on this bonus episode that follows Delayed Ejaculation: Jenni vs Daniel. They explore differences in their styles of thinking, and differences in how they approach sex therapy. Listen as they find common ground- as a couple and as colleagues. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenni and Daniel explore delayed ejaculation, teasing out their different approaches to this topic. Listeners get to peek into real-time conversations between Jenni and Daniel, witnessing their marital conversations and disagreements around sex therapy. They define the Arousal Spectrum and why it's so important to work with this in your body to build awareness for optimum sexual functioning. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenni and Daniel chat with sexuality journalist, and Lifestyle editor for the New York Post, Fabiana Buontempo about her experiences in the dating world professionally and personally. The stakes are higher for men as women create autonomous and lucrative careers; while other women are taking a "pseudo"-celibacy approach to their dating game. Jenni and Daniel discuss with her ways to dating intentionally and manifest what you are ultimately looking for and about her experiences with hot topics like celibacy and the new rules of dating. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Listener Question from a 45 year old male in the dating scene asks about how to name his desires in the bedroom without it coming off as criticism. Daniel and Jenni discuss the difference between criticism and feedback; why he might be blocked, and how to feel permission and space to name what he wants. It's validating to pleasure your partner for your self-worth, but not at the expense of your own needs and wants. Daniel describes the irony of how being silent about your needs is actually more selfish than speaking up for them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenni and Daniel talk with new mom, Suzie, and discuss the challenges in how to reclaim her sexual identity after postpartum with a toddler and a baby. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenny and Daniel have a conversation with their guest Andy, who asks how to transition from being a silent sexual partner to creating a strong masculine presence in the bedroom. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Guests, Rocky and Monica, discuss long-term marriage (35 years +) and navigating waning desire and grief/loss. Both guests have been married over 35 years, and struggle with being the sandwich generation and feeling very full taking care of their own children as well as elder parents. Jenni and Daniel discuss key aphrodisiacs for long-term relationships and how to let go of the social narrative that we can only connect when there is excitement. They offer creative ways to connect as we age and our genitals and sexual functioning may not work they way it used to; and how to connect in times of grief and/or exhaustion.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's guest, Kim Kaplan, Producer of SATP, asks her own listener question about what makes good sex. After after experiencing a surprising, spontaneous afternoon delight with her husband, Dr. Jenni and Daniel discuss the ingredients that make up good sex, how lingerie is so subjective, and XXX. Kim learns how her secret to success is not to take herself so seriously. Vulnerability is sexy! Daniel demonstrates how the higher desire partner functions and thinks; while Jenni offers insight into the lower desire partner. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Guest, Liz, mid 40s female, asks about how to navigate a desire discrepancy with her husband, so it feels fulfilling versus filling a quota. Dr. Jenni and Daniel explain asynchronous arousal; and offer tips on how lower desire partners could be invited with more space and intention; while Daniel offers insight into the higher desire partner's thinking process. They offer a playbook on why desire discrepancy can be so polarizing for couples, with tactical solutions on how to understand and resolve it- to include moving your mindset from obligation sex to a gift.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Co-host Kim Kaplan transitions to Producer of the Year as Dr. Jenni and husband Daniel take off with season one of Sex and the Psyche. Daniel and Jenni are not just clinical sex therapists, they are married. They take listeners behind the scenes of sex and relationship therapy- diving deeper than just the mechanics of sex, but also exploring why we have and don't have sex. For years they process client cases, and now listeners get to hear those conversations to understand how we work as humans. Sex is the most vulnerable and naked place we go both physcially and emotionally. Daniel and Jenni explain how Season one will help listeners how to optimize their relationships and sex lives by understanding the psychological dynamics underneath. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sex and the Psyche is hosted by clinical sex therapists, Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz. Married with two children, Jenni and Daniel, take listeners behind the scenes on how they talk shop on a deeper level as they conceptualize the intersection of relationships, sex, and psychology. With over 16 years of helping couples and individuals enhance and optimize their sexual function, pleasure, and knowledge of human sexuality, Sex and the Psyche covers the issues that affect most everyone from desire discrepancy, erectile issues, painful sex, porn obsessions, premature and delayed ejaculation, and healing from affairs among many other topics. As a husband-wife team and co-directors of 'The Intimacy Institute for Sex and Relationship Therapy', Jenni and Daniel share their expertise from real life scenarios, bringing a unique angle to understanding relationships while offering listeners helpful communication skills through thoughtful and intelligent conversations designed to help connect the more complicated dots for manifesting a more satisfying and sustainable sex life. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Kim and Dr. Jenni bring Jenni's sex therapist husband, Daniel back into the conversation to discuss the issues that most affect men. We learn more about his treatment methods and why it's so important for men to have a safe space to discuss these issues and how it benefits them and their relationships. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Hollie Neujahr is the owner of N2 Physical Therapy, LLC and is a specialist in a number of different types of Physical Therapy, but works extensively with women and men on pelvic floor rehabilitation. Kim and Dr. Jenni learn more about her work, why it's so important and how issues in the pelvic floor can really work against you in the bedroom. In this fascinating conversation we learn more about what triggers pain during sex, and why. The answers are truly mind-blowing! Learn more about Dr. Neujahr  Follow on Facebook Follow on InstagramSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Julie Sondra Decker is the author of the book The Invisible Orientation, and is a strong advocate for the asexual community since 1998. In this episode, Dr. Jenni and Kim have an in depth and personal conversation about Asexuality, the myths, the truths, and some eye opening revelations. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this weeks episode, Dr. Jeni and Kim talk to Dr. Craig Heacock, an adolescent and adult psychiatrist and addiction specialist in Colorado who hosts the psychiatric storytelling podcast “Back from the Abyss.” (He is a co-therapist in the Phase 3 trial of MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy for PTSD and has particular interest in the use of psychedelics to treat severe mood disorders and PTSD. In this conversation, we talk about psychiatric drugs and their effect on our sex drive. We also learn about Kim's struggle with bi-polar, and get a glimpse of her story.   Find Dr. Heacocks podcast here https://www.craigheacockmd.com/podcast-page/ Kim's blog 31-50 - https://31to50.blogspot.com/  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Jenni and Kim talk with Deb Rubin, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and founder of Mother Daughter Journey, a program that offers Mother Daughter workshops and parent coaching to help strengthen the mother daughter bond. She also hosts the Motherhood Uncut Podcast and is a delight to talk to. In this conversation we learn when and how to dive into those difficult discussions about sex with our teenagers (primarily teenage girls) and why awkwardness when discussing these topics is actually beneficial. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Kim and Dr. Jenni sit down with Katelyn Scott, a professional photographer who focuses her lens on the art of Boudoir photography, but this isn't your typical Boudoir session! Her story is inspirational and dives into body image and how focusing the lens on herself helped her to become more empowered. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, Kim puts Dr. Jenni and her sex therapist husband on the hot seat and finds out more about this intriguing couple and how they balance their sex therapy business with the everyday challenges of life and marriage, with questions ranging from what they talk about at the dinner table to how they rate their sex life and a lot more! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ryan Michler is an author and founder of the Order of Man, which features a podcast and blog that provides a community for men to help them become better versions of themselves. Kim and Dr. Jenni have a very upfront conversation about why this movement is necessary, where do women fit in, and the approach he uses when it comes to relationships, sex and everything in between. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Kim and Dr. Jenni continue their conversation with Dr. Bat Sheva about sex and hormones, and how hormones play an integral part in a healthy sex life. We also talk about how to use them, where to put them, and the differences between them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.