Counselor Thoughts with Michelle Nietert

Most of us don't love change, but for our teens, times of transition can be especially stressful and lead to anxiety and depression. But don't lose hope, parents! In this episode, I'm excited to share my conversation with author Jennifer Dukes Lee and her daughter, Anna about how their journey through Anna's depression and chronic illness has actually made them closer and their faith stronger. We also discuss when to offer help, when to stick it out and when to move on, and Anna shares some practical things that have helped her process her emotions in a healthy way. Key points from our conversation: ❓ Teens have the biggest struggles during times of transition because of the uncertainty it brings. It's common to run through “what-if” worst-case scenarios. They can reframe that thinking by remembering that things could be good and even if not, they're resilient enough to bounce back.

The best way to teach our children healthy behaviors is by modeling them, but as parents, we often find ourselves too busy to exercise, eat healthy meals, or get enough sleep. In the second half of my chat with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we discuss how faulty perceptions affect our decision-making, why seeking professional help for mental health is taboo in the Christian church, how our emotional health is linked to our physical health, and some practical ways to develop good sleep hygiene.  Key points from our conversation:

I want to ask you a simple, but hard question - “Are you really okay?” In this episode with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we're focusing on how we as parents can do the hard work of building emotional awareness within ourselves so we can normalize talking about emotions within our homes. Debra also shares how our view of God, others, and self affects our spiritual health and offers a practical exercise you can do with your child to help them explore their emotions and create healthy conversations. Key points from our conversation:

In our last episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece we talked about how we can engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. In the second part of our conversation, we're discussing how we can repair the damage that's already been caused, specifically in our family relationships. Key points from our conversation:

As much as we may try, we can't avoid conflict and have healthy relationships. In this episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece, we're sharing some skills to help you engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. While most of this conversation is focused on spouses, these communication skills will impact every relationship in your life and change the dynamic of your household. Key points from our conversation:

In this episode, I'm continuing my conversation with author and therapist, Aundi Kolber and digging into what it looks like to try softer with our families and the profound effect co-regulation can have on our children's nervous systems. We also walk through a practical technique you can use to ground yourself and share some encouragement for parents who feel their house is constantly dysregulated.  Key points from our conversation: ❓ Become curious about the type of home you grew up in. It will give you ideas and information about your own body.

In society we're often told to try harder, but what would it look like to try softer? In this episode, I'm joined by author and therapist, Aundi Kolber who shares about what it means to try softer, how we can help our kids process the trauma stuck in their bodies, and what it means to co-regulate.   Key points from our conversation:

In the last two episodes, I've been joined by Todd and Brooke Tilghman who have shared about their journey with their son who has battled with depression and anxiety, but this episode is a bit different. In this conversation, Brooke gets candid about her mental health struggles with post-partum depression and anxiety, as well as the tension she's felt as a Christian who has found medication effective in treating her symptoms. She also offers hope to struggling parents that the situation is temporary and you don't have to be driven by your feelings or fear. Key points from our conversation: ✨ It might feel as though things will never change, but that's a lie. It requires intentionality, but we can have hope through bad feelings.

In the second half of my conversation with the authors of Every Little Win: How Celebrating Small Victories Can Lead to Big Joy Brooke and Todd Tilghman, they're sharing their journey of supporting their oldest son Eagan through difficulty in school and mental health issues that arose as a result. In this episode, they explain why and when they chose to seek professional help for their son, what the process looked like for them as parents, the changes they made to promote Eagan's mental health, and different ways we can “win” when our children struggle with mental health complications. Key points from our conversation:

In this episode, I'm chatting with the authors of Every Little Win: How Celebrating Small Victories Can Lead to Big Joy Brooke and Todd Tilghman. You might recognize Todd as the winner of season 18 of NBC's The Voice, but in this conversation, he and Brooke share how their focus on joy and celebrating every little win has helped them to overcome numerous challenges over their twenty-plus-year marriage. They also help us understand how we can help our children (and ourselves) battle negative thoughts through daily practices. Key points from our conversation:

In our last episode, I spoke with author Georgia Schaffer about what healthy grieving looks like for our kids. In the second part of our conversation we're digging into how to talk to kids about loss and answering some of the questions we hear most like is it okay to use the word “death” with my kids? Should I have my children attend the funeral of a loved one? And is it okay to keep my kid out of school while they grieve? We also offer some practical suggestions of how you can help grieving families.   Key points from our conversation:

One of the questions I get asked most is how to talk to kids about grief. Unfortunately, there's no magic formula to speeding up the grieving process. And grieving isn't just about the loss of a loved one, there are a number of losses we grieve, from loss of a dream to loss of health. In the first half of my conversation with coach Georgia Shaffer, she explains what health grieving looks like.   Key points from our conversation:

I'm so excited to kick off our new season with this rich conversation I had with psychologist and author Dr. John Townsend about how we can set healthy boundaries with our teens and tweens. We cover a wide range of topics including three skills every parent should utilize to raise mentally healthy kids, how to build a stronger relationship with kids moving toward autonomy, connecting with kids struggling with gender identity, and so much more. Key points from our conversation:

With so many young adults struggling with anxiety and depression as they return to school after the holidays, I wanted to release a bonus episode answering questions from author Melissa Spoelstra about parenting young adults who need to find a counselor. In this episode, we'll discuss some practical aspects such as insurance coverage and the variety of mental health professionals available to help your child as well as offer you some tips on questions to ask prospective counselors, when it's time to seek professional help, and how to encourage your child to get help without offending them. Key points from our conversation:

We're halfway through December and I'm wondering how you're doing because it has been hectic around our counseling center. I don't know why you listen to the show, but I'm so grateful for the guests we've had this season and the topics we've been able to cover - everything from managing screen time to eating disorders.  We're excited about the guests we have for you next season including Dr. John Townsend who talks about setting healthy boundaries and connections, Georgia Schaffer shares her expertise on grief, and Danny Guerta speaks about Focus on the Family's initiative to address suicide in the church. As we enter 2022, I want to encourage you to slow down, take time to enjoy your community, and spend time reflecting on how mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally healthy your lifestyle is as well as where you want to make changes. I also want to urge you to talk to your kids and listen to them without trying to fix them. Try asking them these 3 questions - How do you want to solve this problem? How can I make your life easier today? How can I pray for you? Thank you for your support this season and we look forward to offering you more resources to raise mentally healthy kids in 2022!

According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, kids ages 8-18 now spend, on average, 7.5 hours in front of a screen for entertainment each day. In this episode, I'm continuing my conversation with author Arlene Pellicane about how we can help our kids manage screen time in a healthy way by setting clear expectations and consequences. We also talk about managing expectations and helping our kids fail forward, Arlene's five A+ skills that every child needs to master, and some practical ideas on how and when to introduce new screen time boundaries with your family. Key points from our conversation:

One of the things I get asked about most in the counseling office is when and how much time kids should be spending on screens because of the correlation between mental health and screen use. With the holidays right around the corner, I want to give you some practical ways to better manage how screens are used in your home. In the first part of my conversation with author Arlene Pellicane, we're discussing how we address the screen life we have within our families and with our kids. Not all screen time is bad, but it matters how much time we're spending and what we're gaining from that time. Key points from our conversation:

In the second half of my conversation with Certified Licensed Professional Counselor Lori Vann, we're continuing our discussion about non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) including why it can be dangerous to punish or ignore a child engaging in self-harm, what's involved in a good treatment plan from a specialized counselor, and what to do when you don't see your child's behaviors improving. Key points from our conversation:

Recent studies suggest that 30% of the population will struggle with non-suicidal self-harming behaviors over their lifetime. For teenage girls, the risk is 1 in 4. In this episode with Certified Licensed Professional Counselor Lori Van, we're discussing why so many children cope through self-injury, the signs parents can look for if they believe their kids may be harming themselves, and how to approach your child in a way that leads to lasting change. Key points from our conversation:

Over the past two episodes, I've been speaking with doctors John Trent and Dewey Wilson about how we can raise relationally intelligent kids. In the last part of our conversation, we focus on four key principles that positive parents think and practice that are effective for all ages. We also discuss how both we and our children can get swept up in “culture currents” without even noticing and the hope science gives us about the power of neuroplasticity. 4 Principles That Help You Parent More Positively:

As parents we want to believe we know our own kids, but without understanding their temperaments we don't have the full picture. In the second part of my conversation with John Trent and Dewey Wilson we're breaking down the different personality types we have in our homes according to Dr. Trent's four animal personality assessment and discussing how we can use that understanding to help encourage each other rather than cause friction in our relationships by exploring how they interact with one another. You can take the assessment for free at TheRelationallyIntelligentChild.com. The Four Animal Personalities:

With our children often connecting over screens, we have a felt need in our culture to help them develop relational intelligence.  In this episode, I'm speaking with two experts on that subject, John Trent and Dewey Wilson, authors of the book The Relationally Intelligent Child: Five Keys to Helping Your Kids Connect Well with Others. We discuss what relational intelligence is and why it's so important, four elements that are essential to relational intelligence, and the power of giving your kids freedom to fail. Key points from our conversation:

Often our children's first experience with death is the loss of a pet. In the second half of my interview with Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling Sissy Goff, M. Ed., LPC-MHSP, we're talking about how we can help our kids process loss and teach them about grief. We're also offering some helpful tips on how to gauge how well your child is moving through the grieving process and when it's time to seek professional help. Key points from our conversation:

As we talk about raising mentally healthy kids, I can't think of a more relevant topic right now for all of us than anxiety. Worry and anxiety seemed to have peaked in our country as COVID-19 hit, but it certainly has not disappeared. And while we as adults tend to focus on the big life things, kids are still dealing with the natural anxieties of adolescence. In this episode I'm talking with the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries Sissy Goff, M. Ed., LPC-MHSP about some practical things we can do to help our kids socially, emotionally, spiritually, and functionally develop well. Key points from our conversation:

In the last episode of my series with clinical therapist Ashley Ariail about understanding healthy eating and eating disorders, we're discussing what happens after your child is diagnosed with an eating disorder and what's typically involved in a treatment plan. Ashley also walks through different types of beneficial behavioral therapies and offers some practical questions and resources you can use to keep your child focused on their values for long-term success. Key points from our conversation:

Have you noticed changes in your child's behavior that have led you to believe they could be developing an eating disorder? In today's episode, I'm continuing my conversation with clinical therapist Ashley Ariail about how we can approach our kids about unhealthy conduct, how to talk about our bodies without labels or judgment, and why it's important to tackle the emotions behind eating disorders. Key points from our conversation:

Eating disorders are on the rise in the US as COVID has given kids more opportunities to spend time online. We know that social media impacts how we (especially girls) feel about our bodies, increasing anxiety and fueling eating disorders. In the first part of my conversation with clinical therapist Ashley Ariail, we're discussing the different factors that can contribute to eating disorders, how you can identify if your kid is struggling with unhealthy eating behaviors, and advice about how to model appropriate behavior for your child. Key points from our conversation:

In the second half of my interview with Neuroscientist and Mental Health Expert Dr. Caroline Leaf, we're continuing our discussion of how we can learn to retrain our brains by systematically managing our thoughts, feelings, and choices. In this episode we dig into how invalidating our kid's feelings can affect their mental and physical health, different techniques for temporarily containing instead of repressing anxious thoughts, and Dr. Leaf breaks down her 5 Step NeuroCycle. Key points from our conversation:

Did you know that by managing your mind you can change your physical brain? In this episode, I'm speaking with Neuroscientist and Mental Health Expert Dr. Caroline Leaf about how understanding the difference between the mind, the brain, thoughts, and emotions as well as how they work with one another can help us realize the agency we have over our lives. Through her work specializing in cognitive and metacognitive neuropsychology, Dr. Leaf has developed a 5-step program to further demonstrate the effectiveness of mind-directed techniques to help relieve mental ill-health problems such as anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts. Key points from our conversation:

In the first half of my conversation with Licensed Professional Counselor – Supervisor Melissa Clark, we discussed how we can prepare our kids to return to school well and help them manage back-to-school stress. In this episode, we're focusing on asking our kids the right questions to help them problem solve effectively and sharing about the power of intention to create calm in a chaotic situation. We also discuss how to help our kids with perfectionistic tendencies and how praying can give them confidence. Key points from our conversation:

One of the things I've been asked most about this fall is how we as parents can help prepare our kids to return to school. For this episode, I've invited my friend and Licensed Professional Counselor – Supervisor Melissa Clark to talk about how we can help empower our children to be flexible, confident, and competent this semester and offer some strategies to create a safe space for your anxious kid to process in a healthy way. Key points from our conversation:

In the second half of my interview with psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen we're breaking down some of the hidden influences covered in his book Your Brain is Always Listening: Tame the Hidden Dragons That Control Your Happiness, Habits, and Hang-Ups. We also discuss the impact of regular exercise on mental health as well as offer some practical advice about setting goals and bonding for parents who want to raise mentally healthy kids. Key points from our discussion:

Medical professionals often assess your mental health based on a set of symptoms rather than the biological data of what's happening in your brain. In part one of my interview with one of America's leading psychiatrists, Dr. Daniel Amen, we're discussing how a brain-imaging tool called SPECT can help accurately identify underlying brain issues. He also walks through the model for addressing mental health from physical, relational, and spiritual aspects, explains why he prefers to use natural supplement support rather than medications and discusses possible causes of ADD. Key points from our discussion:

In the second half of my conversation with author Crystal Paine, we're continuing our discussion of what to do when your child talks about suicide. During our chat, she shares the advice that a counselor offered her about her approach to her child's mental health that changed her perspective (and yielded better results). She also gives some suggestions about how we can create connection over correction to help our children grow and offers some encouragement to moms who feel like they're facing this struggle alone. Key points from this episode: ‍‍‍ Parents should be involved in their child's treatment plan. The best therapy impacts the child and the entire family system.    When Crystal stopped trying to fix and correct her kid and focused on loving them and walking with them through the process, it helped her look objectively at how she was parenting.   We create connection with our children by stepping into their world and engaging with them in things they're interested in. “Don't listen to fix, listen to hear.”    After 4 years of therapy and meds, Crystal says her child is totally different, but the process hasn't been easy. It's taken education of how their child's brain works and daily practice of modeling emotional language.    Medications are intimidating, but they can be a great resource to help regulate the chemical imbalance a child is experiencing.  

With 94% of kids expressing anxiety and 84% experiencing depression, mental health has hit an epidemic level for today's youth. In this episode, I'm talking with author Crystal Paine about what it's been like to have a suicidal child, the signs of anxiety and depression leading up to a diagnosis, the process of finding a counselor, and different levels of mental health care. Key points from today's episode:  In teens, it can be hard to identify what is typical hormonal change behavior or something more. When the severity of the outburst doesn't match the severity of the situation, it's a sign of stored anxiety. ✅ “When in doubt, check it out.”

I am so excited to present to y'all my new podcast, Raising Mentally Healthy Kids. As a parent, you need to realize that your child's mental health starts with your own mental health, and that's what Episode 1 is all about!  Key points from today's episode:

You’re listening to the raising mentally healthy kids podcast with host Michelle Nietert who’s been a licensed professional counselor for over 20 years, An award-winning author, previous creator of a large school district crisis counseling program and the clinical director of Allen Community Counseling Associates located in the Dallas Texas area. With the increase in mental health statistics regarding kids and teens along with climbing suicide rates, Michelle is passionate about equipping parents to understand and talk with their kids about the mental health issues they encounter in our culture every day.      

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Rebecca Peet and her daughter 10-year-old daughter Myla for a refreshing episode on personality types and facing fears. Rebecca has a background in theology and has worked in church ministry. She currently co-hosts a podcast, Woven, and is a certified Enneagram coach. She can be found on her website RebeccaPeet.com. We’re talking about:

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Liz Rasley and her daughter Claire for a motivating episode on growing up and taking positive risks.  Liz is the author of "Levity: Humor and Help for Hard Times” and a preschool teacher! She can be found on her blog lizrasley.com.   We’re talking about:

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Caris Snider and her daughter Zoe for a powerful, tear-moving episode on grief and loss.  Caris is a mental health advocate, writer, speaker, and worship leader. She lives with her husband and two daughters in Alabama. Her passion for the Lord comes through as a survivor of anxiety and depression. You can find more information about her and her ministry at www.carissnider.com. We’re talking about:

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Dr. Lucretia Berry of Brownicity and her 13-year-old daughter Sinclair! Lucretia lives with her husband and three daughters in North Carolina. She has a Ph.D. in education and is an author, writer, and TED speaker. We’re talking about:

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Maria Furlough and her 12-year-old daughter, Faith! Maria lives with her husband, daughter, and four sons in North Carolina. She is the author of “Confident Moms, Confident Daughters” and leads the mission program at her church. More information about her can be found at www.mariafurlough.com. We’re talking about:

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Jonathan Pitts and his 16-year-old daughter, Alena Pitts! Jonathan is a pastor and father of four girls in Franklin, TN! He runs For Girls Like You, a Christ-focused ministry and magazine founded by his wife, Wynter. They aim to introduce young girls to Christian values in a way that they are able to palate and digest, so they can walk passionately and boldly in who God has created them to be! We’re talking about:

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Amanda Davison and her daughter Laila! Amanda is the creator of A Wife Like Me, a community of women supporting each other through married life and can be found at awifelikeme.com. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and three kids! We’re talking about:

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Tricia Goyer and her daughter Florentina! Tricia has written 75 books and has a wealth of information for homeschooling, parenting, and raising spiritual kids. She has a large family and has adopted from foster care. We’re talking about: ❤️ Tricia and Florentina’s experiences with foster care and adoption  

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Barb Roose. Barb is an author, speaker, and podcaster and can be found at www.barbroose.com.    Barb and her family live in Northwest Ohio. She’s the author of Surrendered: 40 Devotions to Help You Let Go & Live Like Jesus.   We’re talking about:    Surrendering to Jesus as your child grows and goes through life transitions   ️Choosing to live by faith instead of rushing to follow feelings   ✝️ Allowing your child to discover their need for God   ‍ The 5 types of friends you need in your community to build a strong support system   Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts!    And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon, shipping early September!

The holiday season often brings festive activities and get-togethers for many, but it also means that finding time to rest can pose as a challenge. Join Michelle Nietert as she speaks with author and sister, Melissa Spoelstra of Total Family Makeover, on what Scripture says about rest and what restorative activities may look like for you and your family, especially during the busy holiday season. Melissa explores what true rest may look like for families and how modeling restorative activities for your children can impact not only them, but the entire family as well. More importantly, she places importance on finding rest in your relationship with Jesus and how he modeled that for us. Jesus took time to rest during his ministry and so should you! Notes from the show: Why is rest so important? What does it look like in your family? Rest often gets the most pushback from children—but it's essential to create that margin that works for your family to allow your soul to be restored through rest. God took the last day to rest when he created the world—he modeled rest for us! The fourth commandment also told us to take Sabbath. Jesus was never racing from one thing to another and had a relaxed attitude toward life. Even though we're not bound to Sabbath by law since Jesus fulfilled the Sabbath, it's still important to take time to rest. We need to value rest in a culture that values productivity. Don't confuse rest with leisure. Ask yourself, does my soul feel restored? Is it just escape or truly restful? Find what works! Proverbs 14:30 states a relaxed attitude lengthens life! Questions explored: Does this activity draw me closer to the Lord or further? How does this leave my mind, body, soul, and spirit at the end of it? Did it produce anything? True rest doesn't produce anything but solely resting. What are you modeling for your child? Connect with Melissa website | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | Pinterest

Has blending families proven to a much bigger challenge than you anticipated? The key to a harmonious life may just be a perspective shift away. In this episode, Michelle and author Gayla Grace (stepparentingwithgrace.com) breakdown five myths about stepfamily life that can help adjust expectations and bring the contentment you've been searching for. Links 5 Myths About Step Family Life Step Parenting with Grace For additional show notes and resources discussed in this podcast, please visit michellenietert.com/podcast.

In this episode, Michelle and Dr. Michelle Bengtson discuss having a hope that prevails in the midst of depression. Visit Michelle's blog at MichelleNietert.com/blog for more details and resources.  

Today on the podcast, Tricia Goyer, author of 70 books including her latest Walk It Out joins me as we talk about illness, grief and walking beside someone as they enter heaven.   I also wrote a blog post on Tricia‘s website regarding this topic http://www.triciagoyer.com/tag/michelle-nietert/   Show notes will be available soon at http://michellenietert.com/podcast-2/   For information regarding Tricia, please visit her website http://www.triciagoyer.com/   Thanks again for tuning into the Counselor Thoughts podcast.   You can follow Michelle on social media by clicking the links below:   https://www.facebook.com/michellenietert/   https://www.pinterest.com/MichelleNietert/   https://www.instagram.com/michellenietert   https://twitter.com/michellenietert   She also sends out an occasional prayer letter including her latest information on faith, parenting and mental health as well as speaking engagement locations and topics. Please subscribe here for that information   http://buff.ly/2mAq2uA