Podcast appearances and mentions of Ismail Merchant

James Ivory formed the filmmaking company Merchant Ivory with producer Ismail Merchant and the writer Ruth Prawer Jhabvala in 1961. The company went on to produce over 40 films and became synonymous with a particular sumptuous movie genre in the 80s and 90s, often adapted from literary classics. Merchant Ivory won awards and acclaim for A Room With A View, Howard's End, The Remains Of The Day and many more. In 2018, at the age of 89, James Ivory became the oldest ever winner of an Academy Award. Having been nominated three times previously for best director, he won the best adapted screenplay Oscar for the coming-of-age drama Call Me By Your Name. Now 96 years old, James Ivory recalls his upbringing in Oregon, the son of a timber merchant. He says that seeing Gone With the Wind soon after the film had first been released in 1939 was a formative moment in his love of cinema. Having initially studied architecture, he enrolled at the University of California to study cinema and began making short films. It was during a trip to India that he first became fascinated with the country and was introduced to the great Indian filmmaker Satyajit Ray, who was a hugely influential figure. James Ivory also talks about the unique relationship he had with Ismail Merchant and Ruth Jhabvala whom he describes as his "life's partners".Producer: Edwina Pitman

As a new doc releases at the British Film Festival exploring the classic films and iconic pairing of James Ivory and Ismail Merchant, the legendary, Academy Award winning James Ivory joins us.Documentary filmmakers Matthew Salleh and Rose Tucker on Slice of Life, a road movie serving insights into how former Pizza Hut buildings around the U.S. have been repurposed.Presenter, Jason Di RossoProducer, Sarah CorbettSound engineer, Russell StapletonExecutive producer, Rhiannon Brown

As a new doc releases at the British Film Festival exploring the classic films and iconic pairing of James Ivory and Ismail Merchant, the legendary, Academy Award winning James Ivory joins us.Documentary filmmakers Matthew Salleh and Rose Tucker on Slice of Life, a road movie serving insights into how former Pizza Hut buildings around the U.S. have been repurposed.Presenter, Jason Di RossoProducer, Sarah CorbettSound engineer, Russell StapletonExecutive producer, Rhiannon Brown

The Return After 20 years away, Odysseus washes up on the shores of Ithaca, haggard and unrecognizable. The king finds much has changed since he left to fight in the Trojan War. His beloved wife, Penelope, is a prisoner in her own home and hounded to choose a new husband. Their son faces death at the hands of suitors who see him as an obstacle in their pursuit of Penelope and the kingdom. Odysseus is no longer the mighty warrior his people remember, but he must face his past to save his family. Merchant Ivory Archival footage and interviews provide insight into the partnership, both professional and personal, between director James Ivory and producer Ismail Merchant. LISTEN ABOVE See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's a big week! Tim Burton's long-awaited BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE (2:08) finally arrives after its thirty-six-year gestation — Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Catherine O'Hara reprise their roles, and Jenna Ortega co-stars — and does it live up to the praise being heaped upon it? Megan lets you know! Next, we all saw HIS THREE DAUGHTERS (18:42), Azazel Jacobs' family drama about three sisters (Carrie Coon, Elizabeth Olsen, and Natasha Lyonne) grappling with their father's imminent demise. This flick is getting raves, but not from us. Finally, Megan and Dave watched MERCHANT IVORY (39:31), Stephen Soucy's documentary about the legendary director-producer team of James Ivory, Ismail Merchant, partners in filmmaking and life, and all the people who moved in and out of Merchant/Ivory family in front of the camera (Emma Thompson and Hugh Grant, for two) and behind it (in particular, novelist and screenwriter Ruth Prawer Jhabvala). We liked it, with reservations (some of them big). And over on Patreon, we Spoilerpiece a movie that needs a spoiler warning: The 1987 Kevin Costner thriller NO WAY OUT!

The Wild Party (1975) AIP Production #7501 Jeff and Cheryl decide whether to accept their invitations to The Wild Party. Directed by James Ivory Screenplay by Walter Marks Based in part on “The Wild Party”, the 1928 narrative poem by Joseph Moncure March Produced by Ismail Merchant for American International Pictures Starring: James Coco as Jolly Grimm Raquel Welch as Queenie Perry King as Dale Sword David Dukes as James Morrison Tiffany Bolling as Kate Marya Small as Bertha Royal Dano as Tex Annette Ferra as Nadine Jones Eddie Lawrence as Kreutzer Bobo Lewis as Wilma Don De Natale as Jackie Dena Dietrich as Mrs. Murchison Regis Cordi as AJ Murchison Jennifer Lee Pryor as Madeline True Baruch Lumet as the Tailor Fred Franklyn as Sam the Mogul J.S. Johnson as Morris the Mogul Tom Reese as Eddy, the Stuntman Geraldine Baron as Grace Jones Michael Grant Hall as Oscar D'Armano Skipper as Phillip D'Armano Ralph Manza as Fruit Dealer Martin Kove as the Editor Paul Barresi as the Bartender Produced and released by American International Pictures. Rent The Wild Party on Fandango at Home.Visit our website - https://aippod.com/ and follow the American International Podcast on Letterboxd, Instagram and Threads @aip_pod and on Facebook at facebook.com/AmericanInternationalPodcast View The Wild Party trailer here. Our open and close includes clips from the following films/trailers: How to Make a Monster (1958), The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962), I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), High School Hellcats (1958), Beach Blanket Bingo (1965), The Wild Angels (1966), It Conquered the World (1956), The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971), and Female Jungle (1955)

LGBTQ Filmmakers at the 26th annual Provincetown International Film Festival talk with Emmy Winner Charlotte Robinson host of OUTTAKE VOICES™ in this exclusive audio montage that took place at the Boatslip Resort & Beach Club in Provincetown, MA. First we talked to director Stephen Soucy about his documentary “Merchant Ivory” that pulls back the curtain on the fascinating lives of filmmakers Ismail Merchant and James Ivory. Their unique partnership on and off the camera produced 43 groundbreaking films over 4 decades that left an indelible mark on the LGBTQ and arthouse cinema. The documentary features interviews with Vanessa Redgrave, Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Helena Bonham Carter and many others who were lucky enough to move in the orbit of Merchant and Ivory's fabulous filmmaking. Next we chatted with director Fawzia Mirza and producer Andria Wilson Mirza about their feature film “The Queen of My Dreams”. The film is about a Pakistani Canadian woman who has had a strained relationship with her parents since coming out as lesbian and undergoes an emotional journey after the sudden unexpected death of her father. Her grief plunges her into a Bollywood-style examination of her family's past and present. Then we talked with director Taylor James, actor Kanoa Goo and producer Katie White about their short film “ILY, BYE” about when an unemployed, down on her luck woman (Megan Stalter) gets a life-changing job opportunity but she can't seem to get her foot out of her mouth long enough to get her foot in the door.    Next we talked to Tyler C. Peterson about his short film “Stan Behavior” about a drag queen (Ginger Minj) embarking on a quest for better workplace rights but finds herself in a dicey situation when her new lawyer (Yvonne Zima) a tone-deaf straight woman is revealed to be a drag super stan. Then we talked with director Sarah McCarron and music producer Rascal Miles about their short film “The Bend” about a trans man migrating from Tennessee to Minneapolis who gets stranded in rural Wisconsin and encounters a fisherman. We then chatted with director Marco Calvani about his feature film “High Tide” that was shot in Provincetown about an undocumented Brazilian immigrant searching for purpose when he encounters Maurice creating a memorable tribute to love and loss. We concluded our conversation with veteran producer Christine Vachon who produced the 2023 Oscar nominated film “Past Lives” about what films she has coming down the pike. We also talked with all the filmmakers about their spin on our LGBTQ issues as we approach the crucial 2024 presidential election.    The Provincetown Film Society, Inc. (PFS) is a non-profit year-round organization and home of the Provincetown International Film Festival. PIFF creates a unique international platform for the west and east coast entertainment industry to experience the diversity and community of Provincetown. PFS is also dedicated to showcasing the work of acclaimed and emerging directors, producers and actors.  For Info… LISTEN: 600+ LGBTQ Chats @OUTTAKE VOICES

There's no better way to debut Ismail Merchant and James Ivory on this channel than to chat about their finest film. The Remains Of The Day also represents the first time Emma Thompson or Hugh Grant have come up on Have You Ever Seen...although Anthony Hopkins HAS been in one classic Oscar winner that we've covered. Something about lambs. In this case, Ruth Prawer Jhabvala's layered screenplay adapts Kazuo Ishiguro's acclaimed novel about repression through exemplary professionalism, even though that hard work comes at a cost. Did Hopkins dedicate his life to a noble cause...or was his life wasted? We tried to figure out the morality of the job done by the butler Stevens (Hopkins) and the housekeeper Kenton (Thompson) in an old-world country estate where their lord works tirelessly to, in the end, appease the Nazis. Thorny issues. Our 548th podcast analyzes what the talented English actors and their international team brought to the table in this classy production of The Remains Of The Day. Additional thought: perhaps Stevens didn't share his opinion in the "I'm unable to be of assistance in this matter" scene because he didn't want to risk his job by contradicting the guy who was putting him on the spot OR by contradicting anything said or thought by Lord Darlington. Sparkplug Coffee sponsors us and they will give any listener a one-time 20% discount if they use our "HYES" promo code. Type "sparkplug.coffee/hyes" into your device and get buying. Contact us with an email (haveyoueverseenpodcast@gmail.com) or with a tweet-x (@moviefiend51 and @bevellisellis). Also, not only can you find our show on YouTube (@hyesellis in your browser), but you can and should like, rate, comment and subscribe to us through your podcast app and also on the 'Tube.

Shashi Tharoor is a member of the Indian Parliament from the Thiruvananthapuram constituency in Kerala. He previously served as the United Nations Under-Secretary General for Communications and Public Information and as the Indian Minister of State for External Affairs. He is also a prolific author, columnist, journalist and a human rights advocate. He has served on the Board of Overseers of the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University. He is also an adviser to the International Committee of the Red Cross in Geneva and a Fellow of the New York Institute of the Humanities at New York University. He has also served as a trustee of the Aspen Institute, and the Advisory of the Indo-American Arts Council, the American India Foundation, the World Policy Journal, the Virtue Foundation and the human rights organization Breakthrough He is also a Patron of the Dubai Modern High School and the managing trustee of the Chandran Tharoor Foundation which he founded with his family and friends in the name of his late father, Chandran Tharoor. Tharoor has written numerous books in English. Most of his literary creations are centred on Indian themes and they are markedly “Indo-nostalgic.” Perhaps his most famous work is The Great Indian Novel, published in 1989, in which he uses the narrative and theme of the famous Indian epic Mahabharata to weave a satirical story of Indian life in a non-linear mode with the characters drawn from the Indian Independence Movement. His novel Show Business (1992) was made into the film 'Bollywood'(1994). The late Ismail Merchant had announced his wish to make a film of Tharoor's novel Riot shortly before Merchant's death in 2005. Tharoor has been a highly-regarded columnist in each of India's three best-known English-language newspapers, most recently for The Hindu newspaper (2001–2008) and in a weekly column, “Shashi on Sunday,” in the Times of India (January 2007 – December 2008). Following his resignation as Minister of State for External Affairs, he began a fortnightly column on foreign policy issues in the "Deccan Chronicle". Previously he was a columnist for the Gentleman magazine and the Indian Express newspaper, as well as a frequent contributor to Newsweek International and the International Herald Tribune. His Op-Eds and book reviews have appeared in the Washington Post, the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times, amongst other papers. Tharoor began writing at the age of 6 and his first published story appeared in the “Bharat Jyoti”, the Sunday edition of the "Free press Journal", in Mumbai at age 10. His World War II adventure novel Operation Bellows, inspired by the Biggles books, was serialized in the Junior Statesman starting a week before his 11th birthday. Each of his books has been a best-seller in India. The Great Indian Novel is currently in its 28th edition in India and his newest volume. The Elephant, the Tiger and the Cellphone has undergone seven hardback re-printings there. Tharoor has lectured widely on India, and is often quoted for his observations, including, "India is not, as people keep calling it, an underdeveloped country, but rather, in the context of its history and cultural heritage, a highly developed one in an advanced state of decay.". He has also coined a memorable comparison of India's "thali" to the American "melting pot": "If America is a melting pot, then to me India is a thali--a selection of sumptuous dishes in different bowls. Each tastes different, and does not necessarily mix with the next, but they belong together on the same plate, and they complement each other in making the meal a satisfying repast.” In this masterclass we cover - 1. The art of sharing timeless wisdom through aphorisms 2. Frameworks on resilience, grit and navigating difficult times 3. Mental models on success, leadership and happiness

Un volano pindarico La musica iniziale e la clip finale sono tratte dal film "Quel che resta del giorno" (dal romanzo di Kazuo Ishiguro, regia James Ivory, con Emma Thompson e Anthony Hopkins, musiche Richard Robbins, produzione Ismail Merchant, Mike Nichols e John Calley, 1993 all rights reserved)

Guy Branum (Platonic on Apple+) earns the title of "Screen Drafts All-Star" as he returns to the draft table to competitive/collaboratively rank the films of James Ivory and Ismail Merchant with/against his longtime friend, and Screen Drafts Hall of Famer, Drea Clark (Maximum Film)!

Además de cuentos y novelas, Ruth Prawer escribió 23 guiones y adaptaciones para el cine. Casi todos fueron filmados por James Ivory y producidos por Ismail Merchant. El trío cambió el concepto de drama de época que se tenía en el cine de habla inglesa, con trabajos como “The householders” (1963), “Un amor en Florencia” (1985) o “Lo que queda del día” (1993). Ruth Prawer Jhabvala fue la cara menos visible del trío. Esta es su historia.

James Ivory has directed more than 30 films like Howards End and The Remains of the Day. Ivory and his long-time partner Ismail Merchant have the distinction of being listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the longest partnership in the history of independent cinema.  At the age of 89, Ivory also made cinema history by becoming the oldest person to ever win an Academy Award.  “Now What?” is produced with the help of Steve Zimmer, Annika Hoeim and Alex Wolfe. Audio production is by Nick Ciavatta.

Ognuno saprà quale è la sua La clip è tratta dal film “The golden bowl” dal romanzo di Henry James (regia James Ivory-con Uma Thurman, Kate Backinsale, Angelica Huston, Nick Nolte-produttore Ismail Merchant-2000 all rights reserved)

In Custody/Muhafiz is a National Award Winning 1993 film by Merchant Ivory Productions. It was directed by Ismail Merchant, with screenplay by Anita Desai and Shahrukh Husain. It is based upon Desai's 1984 Booker Prize nominated novel In Custody. Vocalists Suresh Wadkar, Kavita Krishnamurthy, Hariharan, Shankar Mahadevan Musicians Sultan Khan - sarangi Sunil Das - sitar Ulhas Bapat - santoor Ronu Majumdar - flute Fazal Qureshi - tabla Taufiq Qureshi - percussion Pyush Kanojia - keyboard Zakir Hussain - tabla Sadiq Qureshi - daf Text and Image: Google search --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sm-irfan/message

The Remains of the Day is a 1993 British-American drama film adapted from the Booker Prize-winning 1989 novel of the same name by Kazuo Ishiguro. The film was directed by James Ivory, produced by Ismail Merchant, Mike Nichols, and John Calley and stars Anthony Hopkins as James Stevens and Emma Thompson as Miss Kenton. Tune in for amazing, fun & entertaining movie reviews over the last 100 years!

We may have been in denial earlier, but no more. Covid-19 has laid bare how badly India's healthcare system is broken. Before we can fix it, we must understand it. Karthik Muralidharan joins Amit Varma in episode 225 of The Seen and the Unseen to shed light on his many years of studying this field. The discussion also contains thoughts on whether GDP is edible, and a bout of antakshiri right at the end. Also check out: 1. Fixing Indian Education -- Episode 185 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Karthik Muralidharan). 2. Past episodes of The Seen and the Unseen on Covid-19, featuring (in reverse chronological order) Gautam Menon, Ajay Shah, Anirban Mahapatra, Ruben Mascarenhas, Chinmay Tumbe, Rukmini S, Vaidehi Tandel, Vivek Kaul, Anup Malani and Shruti Rajagopalan. 3. We Are Fighting Two Disasters: Covid-19 and the Indian State -- Amit Varma. 4. Participatory Democracy -- Episode 160 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Ashwin Mahesh). 5. Cities and Citizens -- Episode 198 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Ashwin Mahesh). 6. Urban Governance in India -- Episode 31 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Shruti Rajagopalan). 7. A Scientist in the Kitchen -- Episode 204 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Krish Ashok). 8. In Service of the Republic -- Vijay Kelkar and Ajay Shah. 9. The Art and Science of Economic Policy -- Episode 154 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Vijay Kelkar and Ajay Shah). 10. The Ultimate Resource -- Julian L Simon. 11. Population Is Not a Problem, but Our Greatest Strength -- Amit Varma. 12. Do Firms Underinvest in Long-term Research? -- Eric Budish, Benjamin N Roin & Heidi Williams. 13. Fortress and Frontier in American Health Care -- Robert F Graboyes. 14. Patents are Not the Problem! -- Alex Tabarrok. 15. The Tabarrok Curve. 16. The O-Ring Theory of Economic Development -- Michael Kremer. 17. Why Abhijit Banerjee Had to Go Abroad to Achieve Glory -- Amit Varma. 18. That Which is Seen, and That Which is Not Seen -- Frédéric Bastiat. 19. Lancelot Pinto's reply (about Asthma patients) to Amit Varma's tweet. 20. Demystifying GDP -- Episode 130 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Rajeswari Sengupta). And now, for some foundational papers: 21. Which doctor? Combining vignettes and item response to measure clinical competence (2005)-- Jishnu Das & Jeffrey Hammer. 22. Money for nothing: The dire straits of medical practice in Delhi, India (2007) -- Jishnu Das and Jeffrey Hammer. 23. Is There a Doctor in the House?: Medical Worker Absence in India (2011) -- Karthik Muralidharanan, Nazmul Chaudhury, Jeffrey Hammer, Michael Kremer & F Halsey Rogers. 24. Quality and Accountability in Health Care Delivery: Audit-Study Evidence from Primary Care in India (2016) -- Jishnu Das, Alaka Holla, Aakash Mohpal & Karthik Muralidharan. 25. The impact of training informal health care providers in India: A randomized controlled trial (2016)-- Jishnu Das, Abhijit Chowdhury, Reshmaan Hussam & Abhihit Banerjee. 26. Two Indias: The structure of primary health care markets in rural Indian villages with implications for policy (2020)-- Jishnu Das, Benjamin Daniels, Monisha Ashok, Eun-Young Shim & Karthik Muralidharan. 27. Augmenting State Capacity for Child Development: Experimental Evidence from India -- Alejandro J. Ganimian, Karthik Muralidharan & Christopher R Walters. Back to regular links to stuff discussed in the episode! 28. The Girl From Haryana -- Amit Varma (on Sakshi Malik and women wrestlers in Haryana). 29. The IndiaSpend interview of Rajani Bhat & Lancelot Pinto by Govindraj Ethiraj, (Also in Hindi.) 30. Beware of Quacks. Alternative Medicine is Injurious to Health -- Amit Varma. 31. Homeopathic Faith -- Amit Varma. 32. Deep Medicine -- Eric Topol. 33. The Market for Lemons -- George Akerloff. 34. The Medical Council of India -- Episode 8 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Pavan Srinath). 35. The Life and Times of Amit Varma -- Amit Varma's appearance on The Grand Tamasha, hosted by Milan Vaishnav. 36. Over 1000 teachers on UP panchayat poll duty died of Covid-19 -- Deccan Herald. 37. India's Power Elite: Class, Caste and Cultural Revolution -- Sanjaya Baru. 38. What Have We Done With Our Independence? -- Episode 186 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Pratap Bhanu Mehta). 39. The BJP Before Modi -- Episode 202 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Vinay Sitapati). 40. Muhafiz -- Ismail Merchant's adaptation of Anita Desai's In Custody. 41. Aaj Ek Harf Ko Phir Dhundhta Phirta Hain Khayal -- from Muhafiz. 42. Kabhi Khud Pe Kabhi Haalaat Pe Rona Aaya -- from Hum Dono. This episode is sponsored by CTQ Compounds. Check out The Daily Reader, FutureStack and The Social Capital Compound. Use the code UNSEEN for Rs 2500 off. Please subscribe to The India Uncut Newsletter. It’s free! And check out Amit’s online course, The Art of Clear Writing.

Episode 12 of the ਸੋਚ (Sōch) Podcast is, once again, with Davinder Singh Toor. However, this time we explore art, arms, armour and artefacts from the Toor collection. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★ ★ Buy this podcast a coffee ★ 00:00 - Introduction 00:31 - Full body armour suit 04:04 - Heron's plumes & strutting peacocks? 05:57 - Maharaja Duleep Singh's photo collection and first paintings 10:41 - John Edward Sache & dating photographs 13:17 - Felice Beato, Beato's album and the completel 19 photograph set of Harmandir Sahib 16:05 - Hodgson's Horse Regiment & Maan Singh Varaich 21:26 - Private Collectors? 23:14 - The artist Lucien Lévy-Dhurmer, Le Sikh and Elton John 30:02 - Mislabelling items and portobello road market 33:01 - Schoefft, the Thuggee and the Ismail Merchant and James Ivory Collection 47:49 - Collecting advice 49:03 - What is the most interesting map in the Toor collection? Is there any map in particular that is striking in what it includes? Any maps created in Punjab? 52:56 - M. Ranjit Singh's sword, inscription and provenance 01:00:26 - Hari Singh Nalwa's shield and paintings 01:08:39 - Akali Phula Singh & his relationship with Maharaja Ranjit Singh 01:12:21 - Akali Phula Singh's death 01:14:52 - The battle standard used by the Lahore State's forces in the Battle of Gujerat and the language of the people 01:23:35 - Museums, private collectors and stolen artefacts 01:34:39 - What are your plans for the next exhibition? 01:36:54 - Community questions: Have you come across depictions of women in Khalsa attire? Have you come across manuscripts of pre-colonial rehit maryadas? Are you aware of any scarlet tunics of the Fauj-i-Khas? 01:39:42 - What would your advice be to those who are collecting or thinking of starting a collection?

Dubbed the "Queen of Screen and Cuisine," the "Scheherazade of the Kitchen" and "the Julia Child of Indian Cookery," actor and chef Madhur Jaffrey graciously joins us on the show. You Might Know Her From Shakespeare Wallah, Chutney Popcorn, Cotton Mary, I Feel Bad, Prime, and Bombay Dreams. Madhur talked about being responsible for connecting filmmakers Merchant and Ivory, acting opposite a powerhouse like Meryl Streep, and finding a second career as a chef. Madhur is also the mother of previous YMKHF guest Sakina Jaffrey. Folks, we know it’s a strange time in the world right now and we hope this brings you a little light. Stay safe!  Follow us on social media: @damianbellino || @rodemanne  Discussed this week: Rita Wilson’s “Girls Night In” Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson have Covid-19 My mom hates Forrest Gump (1994) Colin Hanks Hankskercheifs Chet Hanks speaking Patois Everly Brothers not The Mamas and the Papas  Love is Blind Damian interviewed Carlton from LiB Madhur is “the Julia Child of Indian cookery” (see cooking clips here) Madhur is a Commander of the  British Empire Madhur co-starred in the lesbian indie, Chutney Popcorn (1999) with her daughter and YMKHF favorite, Sakina Jaffrey (episode #25) Ismail Merchant and Cotton Mary  Anglo-Indians in UK Mulligatawny soup is Anglo-Indian Trained at RADA I Feel Bad NBC sitcom Wallace Shawn has no food allergies Wants to do drama like Big Little Lies/Marriage Story Was on Broadway in Bombay Dreams She loves Marmite  Rubbishy foods: Werther’s Original Danny Kaye can cook Craig Claiborne had party where Kaye was cooking when Paul Prudhomme too  Worked with DeNiro in Flawless (1999) Played Meryl Streep’s therapist in Prime (2005) The NYT on Madhur rapping Mr Cardamom’s “Nani” Played a party guest in Wolf and Six Degrees of Separation Madhur Jaffrey likes orange and yellow Jell-O 

James Ivory, Ismail Merchant och Ruth Prawer Jhabvala fick sitt stora genombrott med Oscarbelönade Ett rum med utsikt. Sonya och Olle har sett Merchant-Ivory-klassikern som formade en egen genre.  I det tolfte avsnittet av Eftertext snackar vi edvardiansk turismkolonialism, överklassromantik, Daniel Day-Lewis-charm och Call Me By Your Name.  Ett rum med utsikt visas på Fyrisbiografen den 1 september, 16.00

In this episode of Adapt or Perish, we discuss Howards End, E.M. Forster’s classic tale of class relations in turn of the century Britain. For this episode, we read and watched: E.M. Forster’s original 1910 novel. Read it on iBooks or Amazon. The 1992 movie, directed by James Ivory, produced by Ismail Merchant, written by Ruth Prawer Jhabvala, and starring Emma Thompson, Anthony Hopkins, Vanessa Redgrave, and Helena Bonham Carter. Watch it on iTunes or Amazon. The 2017 miniseries, directed by Hettie MacDonald, written by Kenneth Lonergan, and starring Hayley Atwell, Matthew Macfadyen, Philippa Coulthard, Tracey Ullman, and Julia Ormond. Watch it on iTunes or Amazon. Footnotes: A Room with a View, A Passage to India, and Maurice “Common People” by Pulp James Ivory accepting the Best Adapted Screenplay Academy Award for Call Me By Your Name James Ivory discusses Howards End at the Film Society of Lincoln Center “This Time Tomorrow” by The Kinks as used in Wes Anderson’s The Darjeeling Limited “Blink” from Series 3 of the BBC’s Doctor Who reboot You can follow Adapt or Perish on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, and you can find us and all of our show notes online at adaptorperishcast.com. If you want to send us a question or comment, you can email us at adaptorperishcast@gmail.com or tweet using #adaptcast.

Oscar-winning American film-maker James Ivory will talk about his experiences with the legendary Merchant Ivory productions, in partnership with producer Ismail Merchant and screenwriter Ruth Prawer Jhabvala. Merchant Ivory is celebrated for the rich cultural diversity of its films, which are often set in India, France, England and America, and are distinguished by their visual poetry, fiercely egalitarian attitudes, and quiet wit. The conversation will touch on questions about the use of the historical past in Merchant Ivory films, about his own experiences of literary adaptation as both director and writer, and about the representation of love and cultural diversity. As well as films such as A Room with a View (1985) and The Bostonians (1984), the conversation will consider the recently re-released ground-breaking same-sex romance Maurice (1987), whose screen play features in the Ashmolean’s exhibition No Offence. James Ivory will be joined by three outstanding academics, whose research engages with the themes of diversity, equality, inclusivity, love, desire and storytelling that are central to his life’s work. Richard Parkinson is Professor of Egyptology at the University and the author of A Little Gay History: Desire and Diversity Across the World (2013). Katherine Harloe is Associate Professor of Classics at the University of Reading who is currently working on an edition of the love-letter of Johann Joachim Winkelmann. Jennifer Ingleheart is Professor of Classics at the University of Durham, whose most recent book - Masculine Plural - Queer Classics, Sex, and Education - has just been published by Oxford University Press.

A Room with a View is a 1985 British romance film directed by James Ivory, screenplay written by Ruth Prawer Jhabvala, and produced by Ismail Merchant, of E. M. Forster's novel of the same name (1908). The film closely follows the novel by use of chapter titles to distinguish thematic segments. Set in England and Italy, it is about a young woman named Lucy Honeychurch in the restrictive and repressed culture of Edwardian England, and her developing love for a free-spirited young man, George Emerson. It stars Helena Bonham Carter as Lucy and Julian Sands as George, and features Maggie Smith, Denholm Elliott, Daniel Day-Lewis, Judi Dench, and Simon Callow in supporting roles. The film received universal critical acclaim and was a box-office success. At the 59th Academy Awards, it was nominated for eight Academy Awards (including Best Picture), and won three: Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Art Direction, and Best Costume Design. It also won five British Academy Film Awards and a Golden Globe. In 1999, the British Film Institute placed A Room with a View 73rd on its list of the Top 100 British films of the 20th century. Each episode my friend Tyler and I analyze the editing of one iconic movie scene like this one and you can follow along. So turn on the podcast, bring up the youtube clip by clicking the link below (when we tell you) and let's get into it: Room With A View - Lying to George (https://youtu.be/T8TV9I4sSdI) ----- We also talk about the note process in the editing. What are good ways

Best known for his work as a director (he was half of the Merchant-Ivory team famous for its high-production-value literary adaptations), but poised to win his first Oscar for a screenplay (at 89, he'd be the oldest winner ever), he reflects on his late partner Ismail Merchant, his love of Italy and his two movies — 30 years apart — about young gay lovers. But first: Rebecca Ford, The Hollywood Reporter's awards editor, joins Scott to discuss BAFTA results, daunting stats for best picture Oscar nominees and the too-close-to-call best original song Oscar race. Credits: Hosted by Scott Feinberg, recorded and produced by Matthew Whitehurst.

Antonia Quirke talks to director James Ivory about Howard's End, as it's about to be re-released in cinemas, and his working relationship with producer Ismail Merchant that spawned dozens of movies including A Room With A View, The Remains Of The Day and Maurice. Antonia learns the secret art and craft of ADR (or Automated Dialogue Replacement), as she joins a group of actors as they overdub crowd scenes in a costume drama. Pasquale Iannone discusses the extraordinary personal and professional relationship between Sophia Loren and producer Carlo Ponti that lasted four decades.

Though associated with heritage films—lush period films typically set in Britain's imperial past—producer Ismail Merchant, director James Ivory, and screenwriter Ruth Prawer Jhabvala collaborated since the early 1960s on a variety of literary adaptations. Masterfully constructed, Merchant-Ivory films came to symbolize a certain type of prestige film—for better and worse. Perhaps the pinnacle of their collaboration was Howards End (92), based on the E. M. Forster novel about class and inheritance set in Edwardian England. In anticipation of the theatrical run of its new 4K restoration, Michael Koresky, Editorial Director of the Film Society of Lincoln Center, Farran Smith Nehme, FILM COMMENT columnist and regular contributor for the New York Post, and Digital Editor Violet Lucca discussed the artful, complex adaptation and other Merchant-Ivory classics.

Mark and Aaron start the New Year as members of CriterionCast, and jump into the world of Merchant Ivory's A Room with a View. With such a lavish, large production with quite an ensemble of characters, there is a lot to say. We discuss the social constraints placed upon the characters, and how some groups have opposing world views that resemble traditional versus modernity, while also touching on the nature of wealth, class, and even gender. We also enjoy discussing how the film surprisingly works as a dry comedy, and we are pleased to have Merchant & Ivory back in print in the Criterion Collection. About the film: Merchant Ivory Productions, led by director James Ivory and producer Ismail Merchant, became a household name with A Room with a View, the first of their extraordinary adaptations of E. M. Forster novels. A cherubic nineteen-year-old Helena Bonham Carter plays Lucy Honeychurch, a young, independent- minded, upper-class Edwardian woman who is trying to sort out her burgeoning romantic feelings, divided between an enigmatic free spirit (Julian Sands) she meets on vacation in Florence and the priggish bookworm (Daniel Day-Lewis) to whom she becomes engaged back in the more corseted Surrey. Funny, sexy, and sophisticated, this gargantuan art-house hit features a sublime supporting cast–including Subscribe to the podcast via RSS or in iTunes Buy The Film On Amazon: Episode Links & Notes 0:00 – Intro, Criterion Cast Announcement 7:00 – New Year's Discussion 13:30 – Ghost of Trevor 14:55 – CriterionCast Blu-Ray discussion 19:35 – New Week's Guest 21:15 – Not Really Any News 23:55 – A Room with a View CriterionCast Announcement CriterionCast Master Feed CriterionCast Blu-Ray Wish list episode CriterionCast Favorites of 2015 CriterionCast Wacky New Year's Drawing A Room With a View Trevor's A Room with a View review Criterion | IMDB Cohen Media Group Acquires Merchant Ivory Titles Episode Credits Mark Hurne: Twitter | Letterboxd Aaron West: Twitter | Blog | Letterboxd Criterion Close-Up: Facebook | Twitter | Email Next time on the podcast: Bruce Beresford's Breaker Morant, Mister Johnson

The point of this series is to start a conversation about how those of us diagnosed with psychotic disorders get people to believe our truths. After all, once you've been diagnosed as being psychotic, your credibility is never the same, even when you're speaking the truth. I have a podcast on iTunes in which I reveal a lot about myself, and lately I've noticed how much these podcasts have been teaching me about myself and what I've lost. This illness has taken a great deal from me, including my ability to gain recognition for my accomplishments. So, what I'd like to do here is recognize some of these accomplishments, knowing that had my life been different, they could have been acknowledged in a more public arena. Knowing, too, that, because I have schizoaffective disorder that is characterized by delusional thinking, hallucinations, and mood fluctuations, even when I speak the truth, I am often dismissed and not believed, with my truths described as mere delusions. I want to acknowledge my accomplishments not only for myself but also for all you out there. Those of you who may or may not already be diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or any other serious mental condition, whose truths, like mine, are so frequently dismissed as delusions. It upsets me even to write this, to realize that those around me can—and do—categorize what I say as delusional, and I wonder if that also happens to you. I'd like to begin by briefly mentioning that I was diagnosed with Tourette's at the age of 12, although, according to my mother, I had shown symptoms since I was two. I sometimes wonder whether I was even then showing signs of the psychosis that has plagued me for my entire adult life. I was 18 when I had my first psychotic episode. It was Christmas Day, 1994. I was living in New York City and was admitted to Beth Israel, where I was given a number of tests—medical and psychological. My toxicology report came up 100% clean, a clear indication that my psychosis was not drug-induced. My intake report by the ER doctor shows that I had a “loosening of association” and “pressured speech,” both of which can indicate schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, or bipolar disorder with psychotic features. No wonder it took so long for me to get the right diagnosis; so many of the symptoms overlap. However, I want to bring this back to delusion and truth, and how people so frequently label your truths as delusional as soon as you've been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder. I will also discuss my condition's genesis and prognosis—and then move onto those accomplishments for which I've never been truly recognized. I often wonder if other people, like me, have trouble being believed. As I may have mentioned already, serious mental illness, such as schizoaffective disorder, is believed to be caused first by a genetic predisposition to develop mental illness and second by environmental factors. In my family, I have a grandfather who seems to have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, according to old medical records that I recently found. In addition, I have two second cousins, both of whom have been publicly diagnosed with mental illness. So, I would definitely seem to be genetically predisposed to becoming mentally ill. However, having this predisposition isn't enough. You also need certain environmental factors. What I've read in some of the literature is that mental illness can be compared to diabetes. A person may be genetically predisposed to develop diabetes, but if that person gets enough exercise and watches their sugar intake, then the diabetes may never take hold—it's the same with mental illness. In my case, I had the predisposition, but I also underwent enough traumas (sexual, physical, and emotional abuse) and upheavals (such as my parents' divorce when I was young) for the illness to take hold. Boy, did it take hold. Sometimes, though, people like my sister, who has a genetic predisposition plus environmental factors (my sister comes from the same family and has had the same kind of upheavals), do not become mentally ill. Nobody knows why. Maybe, as my wife says, it's just the luck of the draw. She's kidding. At least about the luck part, because having mental illness isn't lucky, although we do have to keep laughing about it. Keep positive. You're never alone if you can laugh with someone about it. As I've mentioned, I have schizoaffective disorder. Originally, though, I was diagnosed with depression. That was back in 1994, when I was 18. Over the next 10 years or so, I saw doctor after doctor, moving here and there, trying to find my place in the world. I made seven suicide attempts and had years of alcohol and drug abuse issues. My last suicide attempt was in 2001, and I was freed from my drug and alcohol addictions in early 2003. More than 11 years ago. As I was getting off the drugs, I saw a doctor who diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder, which basically means schizophrenia with a mood disorder thrown in, and, in my case, that mood disorder is bipolar with manic features. However, in 2005 and 2006 I saw a doctor who said that I did not have schizoaffective disorder. Instead, I had a personality disorder. The point is that getting the right diagnosis can be time-consuming and frustrating, but it is also necessary, as once I was “re- diagnosed” with schizoaffective disorder, I was able to get on the right medication. But that's a different story altogether. I'm focusing here on being diagnosed with any type of mental illness that includes psychotic features that then make it almost impossible for people around you to believe your truths. However, not only do I have the double whammy of a thought disorder coupled with a mood disorder, I also have Tourette's syndrome, which is considered severe since this usually tapers off in one's 20s but mine did not. I'm 39 now, so, along with the confusion I suffer and the mood fluctuations, I also tic and sometimes engage in coprolalia, which is involuntary swearing or yelling out racial epithets. Hard combination. Added to that mix, I also seem to have aspects of obsessive compulsive disorder—I have to keep my computer arranged ‘just so'; Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)—I frequently relive earlier traumas; attention deficit disorder—I can't focus on anything for any period of time; autism or Asperger's—like Temple Grandin, I may be smart, but I can't read social cues at all. Makes it difficult to hang out and just be “one of the guys.”My current psychiatrist, Dr. C, who—unlike others—never hesitated to diagnose me, saw me when I was at my worst. I was in the middle of a psychotic episode. I was in the process of a divorce (my wife and I have since reconciled), and I had no money, as my family had cut me off from my trust income. In the past, too many doctors had seen me when I did have money and was able to hire people to do what I could not—for example shopping, driving, and cleaning. Because these doctors saw me when I could hire people, they all considered me to be “too high functioning” to have any form of schizophrenia. As a result of being considered “high functioning,” I was diagnosed for years as having a personality disorder. Some doctors thought I had borderline personality disorder (BPD); others thought I had a personality disorder not otherwise specified (NOS). Let me tell you, having the right diagnosis has turned things around at last. I'm now on the right medication. My wife and caregivers understand the nature of the illness and know some excellent ways of dealing with it and with me. Although the illness will never go away, I do have hope that I'll continue to get the right treatment and that my life will continue to get better. Now, the big one: What do you do when people assume your truths are delusions? Let's start with just a little bit more background. At the last count, I have had approximately 30 rehab stints and/or hospitalizations. That's a lot. When you're hospitalized, especially involuntarily, people tend to dismiss everything you say as a symptom of your illness. I understand that, but I don't like it, because it's hard when people don't believe you. A couple of examples. I moved to Los Angeles in January 2001 because I wanted to be a Hollywood screenwriter. I was two days shy of my 25th birthday. I was a go-getter back then, a social butterfly, and found it easy to introduce myself to just about anyone. As a result, I met Joanna Cassidy, Dick Van Dyke, Robert Downey Jr., Mel Gibson, and others. Then, as my drug and alcohol use spiraled out of control, I got myself into rehab. Since I had access to my trust fund, I could afford the rehab facilities where “celebrities” went, places such as Promises in Malibu. In these places, I met movie producers, writers, actors, musicians, and kids of celebrities. The point is, I met all these people, and some of them I befriended. Because so many of the rehab facilities didn't help me stay off drugs and alcohol, a friend and I started our own facility, Wavelengths, which also catered to celebrities. Wavelengths took a more proactive approach to getting people off drugs and alcohol. If you ever saw the show The Cleaner, you'll have a better idea of what I mean by “proactive.” In fact, that show was based on the friend with whom I started Wavelengths, and, although I was never credited, I was the co-creator of the show. But now, when I tell people about The Cleaner or knowing Chuck Lorre, Robert Downey Jr., or Mel Gibson, they smile blankly, nod their head, and dismiss what I say as a delusion. That's maddening—if you'll pardon the pun. Another example. In the summer of 2010, I checked myself into a facility in Colorado so I could get on the right meds and try to get myself re-stabilized. As I was being admitted as a patient with schizoaffective disorder, which is characterized by a thought disorder, including delusions, both my wife and my doctor spoke with the facility before I was admitted so that the doctors and social workers would know I wasn't delusional about the people I knew. My wife and doctor also let the facility know about my financial background, because I don't always look “rich.” Lately, I like to dress in t-shirts and pajama bottoms. I like to keep my hair permed and wild, and I like to wear a beard. As a result, sometimes when I'm admitted, the staff person will write that I'm a little unkempt, and when I then start talking about the money I'm worth, the same staff person will flash a little, tight smile as if to say: “Of course, you are. And I have a Swiss bank account.” Those staff people don't always know that I can “tell” what they're thinking—I can see it on their faces—, and they feel free to openly doubt my truth. More on “delusions.” The reason I write is to share my story, and sometimes—I've got to admit—it's hard knowing that a lot of people may not believe me. I bring this up because I'm sure that those of you who read what I write must have as complicated a story as mine. I am just spelling out some things—kind of “straight-from-the-heart” sharing with you all. My family, as I've mentioned, is rich and powerful. Maybe your family is not rich or powerful, but still I think you'll understand. Their money and their power helped make me who I am, just as your parents helped make you who you are. I'm not attacking anyone. I am simply telling the story of my life. I have earned the right to do that. Come to think of it, though, maybe I never did have to “earn the right” to tell the story of my life. People have a right to their own stories and to tell these stories in their own voice, not anybody else's. This is my time. My story. Not my family's. And I owe it to you to share a taste of the complexity of my life, so you'll understand the complexity of your own. So, yes, my family is rich and powerful. That is not a delusion. You can look them up yourself. They are public people. Sometimes I think that because they are public people, they have had a hard time accepting me for who I am. I know they have had a hard time accepting my diagnosis. And, really, I am not attacking them. Maybe they can't accept my diagnosis because they think it will reflect badly on them. I haven't talked to my family in a few years. I wish I felt sad about that, but I can't. My family doesn't love me. Sometimes I think they might even hate me, because they cut off my money and they cut off contact with me. But I'm getting sidetracked—what my wife calls “going off on a tangent.” So I'll stop. One area that has always been hard and that created a lot of misunderstanding in my family is my diagnosis. No one has ever accepted that I had the wrong diagnosis for years and that getting the right diagnosis has helped me move forward. Not that a diagnosis makes the illness easy, and, in many respects, a diagnosis is nothing but a label. However, with the right diagnosis (or label), you can get the right medication, the right therapy, and people—like caregivers—who know how to deal with you. The right diagnosis is a starting point that means you can read about whatever “label” you have been tagged with—or might need to be tagged with. In my case, I was “tagged with” BPD for years. On the one hand, that wasn't such a bad diagnosis, because people wouldn't then label me as being delusional. On the other hand, when people thought I had BPD, they accused me of lying, which brings me back to my family. In the past, my family has told me to “snap out of it” and to “get my act together”—that I would then be “fine.” You can't “snap out” of schizophrenia. You may get the symptoms under control, and you may even, like John Nash, seem to recover from the disorder, but you don't—and can't—“snap out of it.” My family, believing that I was capable of getting my act together, created a lot of tension between us. I use the past tense here because I don't know if they now believe my diagnosis. As I've mentioned, we've had no contact since January 2010, so I don't know what they believe. In January of that year, my family cut me off and stripped me of any help. I had no gardeners and no driver (I no longer drive). I had nothing. Based on what they wrote to me at the time, they seemed to think that they should provide a little “tough love” (like you see on Intervention) and that I would then agree to get better. I was never not agreeing to get better. Believe me, it's no fun having schizoaffective disorder. If your family or loved ones already believe your diagnosis, you are that much farther ahead because, if they believe the diagnosis, they can help. I'm taking my own advice today and staying positive. I think of all I have lost, and I can get very depressed. At one time, I had editors, housekeepers, free travel, a huge inheritance, my trust funds, and lavish cars. I've been to the best schools in the country. I had public-figure parents and several celebrities in my extended family, some of whom had actually, quite publicly, been diagnosed with mental illnesses. When I compare what I once had to what I now have, I can get depressed. I focus on the past and fail to appreciate the present. Taking my own advice to stay positive, I have three dogs, seven cats, and one bird. Now, some people might not think having so many animals is so positive, but I like walking through the house and every time being followed by at least one of them. My animals are one positive. Another positive. I no longer have diabetes. I have lost so much weight that my blood sugar is normal. I still take one of the diabetic meds because it can prevent diabetes—and also because my other meds can cause diabetes. But I am healthier than I was. No diabetes is another positive. My wife is the third positive. We reconciled two years ago, and so far we are working things out and trying to help each other. My work is the fourth positive. The schizoaffective disorder has really affected my thinking and my emotions, but it hasn't touched my creativity. I podcast, I write a journal, and I make music and movies. I have even sold a couple of songs on iTunes. My memories are the fifth and final positive for today. Although my father and I had a falling out in 2009, that's his issue. He and I have had great, absolutely fantastic, times together, and I treasure the memories. When I focus only on these memories, I can stay positive. For many reasons, I have had quite a few psychiatrists over the years. My current doctor—whom I call Dr. C—is the one that most recently diagnosed me as having schizoaffective disorder. When I went to see her the second or third time, I brought along five bookshelves' worth of my journals. My diaries. All my written documentation of madness—the faxes and emails that proved that 1,000 hours of film that I had shot had been stolen. That's it. I can't do anything about it. I have proof of a software development proposal I made when I was 15. I received a scholarship to business school, honors, and recognition. I was like John Nash except I was proposing software, not math. What I proposed would have been the first online shopping interface. But it got taken away, like everything. I have the proof, the actual documents. Real. These truths are mine. And I have schizophrenia, and I even have delusions, but I know, and my wife knows, and my close friends know, that these truths are real—not delusions. I spent three years of my life developing a show for A&E Television. I have the proof. I save everything. Faxes to the producers. My point is that I have lived an incredible life and often, all too often, facts become so-called delusions to others, especially to those others who actually count, like medical professionals. And it matters to me. All of this really matters to me. It means something very special to me because it is about me. It is from my perspective and only my perspective—the only perspective I know for sure. It's part of my story, or, as some might consider it, the “myth of that stupid Jonathan kid.” I know who I am. And I think I know who my friends are. I know that I am a legitimate, loving, grateful and spiritual human being who deserves to be loved and accepted and who deserves to make decisions, to make mistakes, and to be forgiven—to be myself. The real me. The Jonathan Harnisch who is not alone—who is loved. The Jonathan whose moods and behaviors might be a bit difficult to predict. A guy. A citizen, with schizophrenia and a full spectrum of mental maladies, who believes in some kind of higher power—who believes in himself. Who tries, tries, and tries—who never gives up on, or even thinks of giving up on, resilience. Who struggles every single day as an adult that is still being abused. Who has been abandoned and treated like waste—a mistake. Who is manipulated. Jonathan Harnisch. A teacher and a student. A rich kid who used to ride up front with his limousine driver. Who used to be a real asshole, often due to his drinking and drugging—and to his mimicking what he saw growing up among people who should have acted better but who just didn't know how to protect him. I have been in therapy since I was 9, and from the age of 12 I was “put away” on far too many medications, some of which I am still physically addicted to, some of which caused me to gain weight and to develop tardive dyskinesia (chronic muscle stiffness), and some of which I was actually allergic to, causing me to rage and even increasing my tendency to drink alcohol. I chose what I did, regardless what the literature suggests or what certain medical studies indicate. I am who I am, and I have my own story—my own version of my own story. It changes and adjusts on a constant basis. I've been closed up for so long. I am opening up. I am not being inappropriate. I don't need to be judged. But I will be judged. I don't need to worry about what others think of me. But I actually do care what other people think of me. I can't control other people. Come to think of it, I can't control what thoughts come into my head, just as I can't control which ones leave. So how can I control other people or their thoughts? How can anybody control the galaxy? How about the billions upon billions of existing galaxies or the billions of galaxies that have not yet even been discovered? That is what we are living with—within. Even Jesus experienced the full gamut of the human emotion spectrum, having been so-called spirit in human form. He was killed for that, for being who he was—for being honest and sincere, and, essentially, for being real. His life was far from easy. The most enlightened beings in the history of mankind—Buddha, Jesus, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Krishna, and the Dalai Lama—have struggled and suffered every single day of their lives. And they too, in a way, live within us all. I want to let you know that you are not alone. You will never, ever be alone. I am excited and determined to come to you, who are seeking . . . seeking something. Maybe you're just reading as you sit there at work, or maybe you're my family, checking to see how I am, if I'm “misbehaving.” What I am is a disabled and, yes, a very troubled adult. But I am allowed to share my story. My life. I am safe. Now, I laugh now when I say this, but my wife is 24 years older than I am. And if and when she passes away before I do, or for any reason leaves me (I doubt she will—we seem to be doing very well together), I worry that I will be forced into a psychiatric institution back east, back near my family, when we don't even talk. I worry that it's inevitable. I guess, in conclusion, my life is full of grandiosity. But I still have schizophrenia, and I still have people who seem to have a need to control me and yet want nothing to do with me. This fascinates me. Why do they still want that much to do with me? Somebody who happens to also be a staff writer for a local news magazine independently wrote the following about me, which I have included on my website. It makes me feel so good. See! Things can change.Envision a blend of a mentally ill mind with unsurpassed resiliency and fiery intellect and your result would be the brilliant Jonathan Harnisch. An all-around artist, Jonathan writes fiction and screenplays, sketches, imagines, and creates. His most recent artistic endeavor is developing music, a newfound passion with visible and of course audible results already in the making. Produced filmmaker and published erotica author, Jonathan holds myriad accolades, and his works captivate the attention of those who experience it. Manic-toned scripts with parallel lives, masochistic tendencies in sexual escapades, and disturbing clarities embellished with addiction, fetish, lust, and love, are just a taste of themes found in Jonathan's transgressive literature. Conversely, his award-winning films capture the ironies of life, love, self-acceptance, tragedy, and fantasy. Jonathan's art evokes laughter and shock, elation and sadness, but overall forces you to step back and question your own version of reality. Scripts, screenplays, and schizophrenia are defining factors of Jonathan's life and reality—but surface labels are often incomplete. Jonathan is diagnosed with several mental illnesses from schizoaffective disorder to Tourette's syndrome; playfully, he dubs himself the “King of Mental Illness.” Despite daily symptomatic struggles and thoughts, Jonathan radiates an authentic, effervescent, and loving spirit. His resiliency emanates from the greatest lesson he's learned: laughter. His diagnoses and life experiences encourage him to laugh at reality as others see it. Wildly eccentric, open-minded, passionate, and driven, Jonathan has a feral imagination. His inherent traits transpose to his art, making his works some of the most original and thought provoking of modern day. Jonathan is an alumnus of Choate Rosemary Hall. Subsequently, he attended NYU's Tisch School of the Arts where he studied film production and screenwriting under Gary Winick and David Irving. During his studies at NYU, he held internships under renowned producers Steven Haft and Ismail Merchant. He is best known for his short films, On the Bus and Wax, both of which boast countless awards including five Indie Film Awards, three Accolade Awards, and Ten Years won, which won the Best Short Film and Audience Award in the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival, to name a few. Despite his impressive formal education and awarded honors, Jonathan is your normal, down-to-earth guy. Meditation, Duran Duran, vivid colors, Patrick Nagel prints, and rearranging furniture are some of his favorite things. Vices include cigarettes, Diet Coke, inappropriate swearing, and sausage and green chili pizza. He enjoys irony, planned spontaneity, redefining himself, and change. Jonathan lives with his beautiful wife, their three dogs and seven cats, in the unique, desert village of Corrales, New Mexico. What follows gives a glimpse into how I have been putting together some of the pieces of the otherwise “shattered stained glass” of schizophrenia, as I see it—from what I have read and heard and just . . . believe. My psychiatrist has often asked me to describe or explain my symptoms, and thus schizophrenia, and I usually do not know how to do so. I simply reply that it is all “indescribable.” Since then, I have been looking deeper into myself so that I am able, at minimum, to summarize at least a few of my experiences, past and present, in order to share with you too some of the complexity—demystified. I'd like to share some of my discoveries, as I find them, concerning my experiences, false perceptions, and schizophrenic psychosis. Hopefully, I'll succeed in maintaining simplicity so that others can benefit and perhaps understand this otherwise extremely complex disorder. I have come to realize that thanks to my own self, my lovely wife (whom I've known for over six years now), my support team (medical doctors and friends), and even those who might be considered my enemies, I have been helped along the path to self-actualization and thus to self-understanding—to where I find myself today. I've been able to find some meaning in schizophrenia, which helps me redefine how I see myself and how the symptoms of schizophrenia came to be—so that I can describe these without simply dismissing them as “indescribable.” Please forgive any terminology I might use incorrectly, as I am not a doctor. Also, I do have schizophrenia, so although I have stabilized (recovered, not been cured), I must still admit that I might get it wrong sometimes. We schizophrenics, through our psychosis—our delusions, our hallucinations, or reality—create or develop a story, a storyline. What is real has many universal implications. Many are extremely personal, symbolic, and moral. As we build the framework of our delusional reality, which tends to fade in and fade out, as with dreaming, it can all become very mystical. Our realities, which we may not have had all our lives, can become delusional for mystical and magical reasons. This might be why, for example, when we are psychotic, the television seems to talk to us, or we might see and know Jesus—again, for reasons of a mystical or even religious nature. It becomes difficult for us then to realize that it is not necessarily real. The further and further we are or are not drawn deeper into a full blown psychosis—it's just baffling, to say the least—the more it is complex and disorganized. Yet we might believe wholeheartedly that our delusions are real and based on facts—facts that are not correct to others without the illness. Many episodes, thoughts, and experiences combine, thus building up a storyline, which then becomes more intense and even fascinating and seductive, with more and more meaning as the delusional realities or events go on—as our lives go on. The meanings become “hidden” or disguised—our realities, in a way, hidden. This illness can thus become very isolating because we have a whole different belief system about the entire world, especially when we are in a major psychotic episode. It can take years and years to arrive at this fully agitated state, but that is often how we schizophrenics will end up being diagnosed, just as an alcoholic usually “needs” to bottom out completely before getting help. Through our perceptions, which change over time, we develop a new way of thinking that becomes very hard for us to disengage from. It is exactly like being on a constant, continuous LSD trip, every single day. This is the bottom line, and, for me, this “acid trip” never stops, even when recover. It is a matter of training and re-training our minds, through therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), medications, treatments, and also a lot of training—mental training, which I certainly do on my own, especially when not in a session with my doctor. I'm always checking things over and “reality checking.” I also find it very helpful to have a friend or loved one do what I call “mediating my reality.” I can, for example, ask my wife, who loves me deeply, to see if something is or is not what or how I might be perceiving it to be—from her there is perspective without the illness. There is an element of us losing what is called object permanence or object consistency—as my doctor in California once told me. The famous child psychologist Piaget discovered that, at a very young age, infants will forget about a toy they have been playing with if it disappears from their vision: for example, if a ball rolls out of sight or someone puts it underneath a blanket. At a certain age, that child will begin to look for that missing toy, and, finding it under the blanket, realize that it was in fact there the whole time. It was always there. Before that it had, to the infant, mystically gone away—disappeared from the world entirely. That's what I mean by mystical reasons, because we lose this object permanence, as after all, this could be a sensation rather than the fundamental reality one would have perhaps thought. We see this mysticism in most of our experiences and, yes, it fades in and out, but we basically feel that things, in general, will usually happen for mystical reasons. This becomes a part of our belief system, which is pretty hard to change. Enter the double bind, as, when object permanence is out of the picture, we can be caught in a contradiction, or a series of contradictions, due to cultural or moral, as well as both personal and universal, reasons. We might, for example, in place of object permanence, experience a “multiple realities” effect, as if we were in several dimensions at one time—several realities. Based on how we grew up, at any given time a reality may slip into our mindset, and so, for example, we might behave like a racist even though our best friend is African American. It doesn't “make sense.” During my last psychotic episode early in 2010, I collected, and even wore, Nazi memorabilia, and yet I am both half Jewish, on my mother's side, and handicapped. I also behaved as if I was a racist, even though my best friend was, and is, African American. We might want to save the world from global warming; however, in doing so we might pollute it and drive gasoline cars, on purpose, in order to save this world. Grandiosity, extreme thinking, and thus extreme behavior—with realities slipping in and out—are only a part of what baffles science and medicine. Different realities slipping in, overlapping, and combining make for an extremely difficult scenario to treat and understand from a scientific perspective. We will often think poetically, as well as symbolically and metaphorically. Poetic thinking can take over, and thus our symbolic and deep personal feelings are a huge part of how we schizophrenics think and reason. We might hallucinate about Jesus for a seemingly concrete reason, a very special reason. When helping someone with schizophrenia, a good start is to consider that he or she thinks mostly through concepts of mysticism—the idea that everything happens for a deep reason, that everything has a very special meaning, and that everything is synchronistic. A schizophrenic is often a very traumatized and sensitive person, much more so than your average Joe, living in a brutal world. That's where the help—the recovery—really starts to take place and healing begins. We schizophrenics must learn, through counseling, to understand ourselves and participate in therapy, to sort through our delusional thinking, and, often with help, to get back as much of our accurate intuition as possible, to take our medicine, and to have love and understanding in our lives. In this way, we might be able to reveal our secrets to someone we can trust, our secrets of trauma, day in and day out—and to do our best, resolving as much inner conflict as we can. Peace of mind is what we all want and need. It is my number one goal in life and has always been. It is what we all deserve. Developing a new identity through our recovery is key in many ways—finding our voice so that we can be heard and sorting through our mysticism and religious or spiritual experiences and observations of reality. It's a matter of finding those people we can trust, as I said, to help us define or redefine our reality. I have that these days, especially through my wife and my doctors. I live with gratitude. Just like diabetes, schizophrenia simply does not go away—not yet—for any of us. It's always there in the background. The “lifelong acid trip”. But, with respect to delusions specifically, I have also had delusions that weren't real. And I wanted to start with why and how we tend to cling to delusional thinking and thus why I perhaps cling not necessarily to a delusion but to this kind of thinking. It is “dimensional” for me. It is a grieving process for me. I am referring to missing my old Hollywood lifestyle—the content involved with that lifestyle of the rich and famous and the grandiose nature of the thinking itself. The celebrities I befriended when I lived and worked in Los Angeles, for example. During the onset period of schizophrenia, delusions, and perceptions, we often begin with smaller-scale hallucinations. There is a root that is actually rational, wrapped inside a delusional outer layer. I think we can actually reach the schizophrenic while that individual is in a completely psychotic state—which often our doctors, caregivers, and loved ones fail to do—by understanding that everything the psychotic schizophrenic individual thinks is done in a synchronistic way. It all starts with object permanence—that we have lost this and that the one reality we once believed in has been replaced as a result of thoughts and events in our lives. A flow of realities, of things appearing and disappearing at the same time—not just the simple ball under the blanket, as the rules of both time and place come into effect here: The time is now, and the place is grounded right here on earth. Let's call it an earth belief or thought. These thoughts and beliefs can, through the “schizophrenic lens,” basically occur at the same time. This waking dream, this constant LSD trip, this real-life synchronicity (Carl Jung first coined the term “synchronicity”), and this more fluid mindset. If we are to think at the core of a schizophrenic in order to reach him or her, this means thinking synchronistically. If we are not stable enough or properly medicated, our dreams can actually become part of the same reality as reality itself. For example, my wife once asked me, “Jonathan, are you going to be recording an episode for your podcast today?” I had been planning on doing so, but I had not yet told my wife. I simply said, “Oh yes, I was actually thinking about it. It's been a while since the last one.” Now, if I were in a more psychotic state, I might have (or, rather, the delusional process might have) started with my real-life fascination with Edgar Cayce and psychic ideas, my New Age books, and my meditations into the Akashic field—and so I would have concluded that my wife was secretly reading my mind, or that she and what she said were mystically connected in some way—that she “knew something.” My psychic experiences in the past would have then overlapped with my wife knowing something psychically, mystically, and symbolically, and also with synchronicity—creating a deep and personal meaning. Add to that the paranoia that comes from her “reading my mind”—that she is therefore “God” because she knows I'm planning on recording my podcast today, even though I haven't told her. The terrifying belief is now engrained, as we are to begin with often more sensitive to the world as a whole—even being touched on the hand or the ear can create extreme fear for us schizophrenics. The belief that “she knew I was going to record a podcast today.” Synchronicity may have a little or some scientific evidence, at least theoretically. However, there are things that we cannot prove through science, such as the definition of time—or even God. In a state of schizophrenic psychosis, this overlap becomes compounded, as it builds up more intensely and thus perhaps takes over our entire belief system. Perhaps there is a coherent way of explaining how we schizophrenics might create our own reality, our delusional or schizophrenic reality, as I see it, through some of the things I have laid out so far—please bear with me here. I'll speak for myself, and my own experiences, although the end result is now something I can talk about and demystify rather than actually believe—thanks to the proper treatment, therapies, and support I now receive. I'll first start with a collection of thoughts. Theoretically, let's say, for real: • In 2008, I made a film called On the Bus about mental illness—it was part of the story in the film. • Mel Gibson (an old friend from California)—he and I were first introduced to each other in 2001. • I listened to The Beach Boys. We'll assume that the music was playing in the car with Mel as we went for a drive, as we did up in the hills of Malibu. • Mel Gibson is rich and famous. Whether in a state of schizophrenic psychosis or not, since this seems to be a matter of degree—depending on how psychotic we might or might not be and how much the psychotic part of our minds has taken hold. This is a matter of our abilities and the constantly fluctuating brain chemistry that we might—or perhaps might not—be able to filter through. It depends on whether we have been successful in redefining our delusional realities to a generally consistent state of well-being and peace of mind. In a psychotic state, due to our hallucinatory thinking, the chemistry in my brain, our brains, is constantly misfiring, so that the stimuli from the environment go to the wrong places in our brains. The effect is similar to putting our hand under cold water and feeling hot. Essentially, though, with this schizophrenic thinking process, I would come up with a “composite sketch,” if you will, a sort of “Frankenstein” version—a storyline that might be experienced as: • I knew Mel Gibson, and therefore I am famous. (Based on: Mel Gibson is famous and is rich.) • Then—but at the same time—I am rich because I made a movie called Ten Years, and I am convinced it made me rich because Mel Gibson is rich, and I am famous because I made my movie, it won awards, and Mel Gibson did, too. I must have met Mel Gibson because I made a movie, and he did, too, and we are both rich and famous. So far—this might not be the best example, but time can thus be altered—2008 is coming before 2003 in this case. This might be a little hard to follow, but please bear with me here.If I were asked to explain this while still psychotic, I'd say first that I am not mentally ill—I am simply psychic, rich, and famous. Besides, the Beach Boys were playing, and one of the Beach Boys has a mental illness, not me, but my film was about mental illness. Brian Wilson is still rich and famous, and also an artist, so he was playing on the radio because both Mel and I were both artists and it was “meant to be” that he would be playing music for us because we were all connected through art, fame, and money. Exhausting, isn't it? But this is actually how jumbled it can be for us and thus for those witnessing us speaking or even communicating in general terms. It's schizophrenia. Let's assume that we got pulled over for speeding. Well, there is a police officer character in On the Bus, my movie. You see, grandiosity, both real and imagined, content, time inconsistencies, and now this character was in the movie, so, because we were all in the car, we were in the movie while in the car, so the police officer was playing her role—it all happened for a reason. And beyond that, paranoia might also slip in—the officer who pulled us over was male (not female), and in my movie she was female, so she was disguising herself in order to take our money and meet three famous people (even Brian Wilson on the radio). Theoretically, this might suffice as a pseudo-case study, and yet in normal reality, for us schizophrenics, this type or process of thinking compounds itself and thus it can become completely distorted. Our friends and families start to think we're going crazy (although in a way we are), and stigma arises, plus confusion and thinking, “What the heck happened to this guy—he's speaking like a drug addict who's lost his mind. Where is all this coming from?” We would all benefit from greater awareness of what schizophrenia is and how to know if someone we love might be predisposed to the illness (through family history, etc.). But this is what we with schizophrenia usually experience early on, as the illness is progressing—we believe this thinking based on other facts—facts which are disconnected, something we cannot see without appropriate help. Later, yes, we can have this type of thinking while recovered or recovering, but we are able, hopefully, to be mindful enough to have such thinking but to cope with it differently, and even, down the road, to do our own “reality checks,” so that we do not not talk about these things inappropriately, in public, let's say. We can also use the hallmark of CBT, which is “evidence”, on our own in order to connect the disconnected parts of our thoughts—thus our reality. We can also do this with the support of loved ones, family, doctors, medications, friends, and support groups who help us and love us enough to be able to assist us in connecting the right pieces together and who explain why they connect—the reasons why. To wrap this up for now, I have not even mentioned the hearing of voices and hallucinations—everything from shadows to people, even friends—and the hidden, traumatic, and paranoid features of schizophrenia of which we are often too afraid to speak. We might sound or behave cryptically, in code, with pressured speech and flight of ideas. Add to this the “zombie-like” features, the manic episodes, the muscle dystonia, and the side effects of medication, and if we have turned to drugs, often just one hit of pot to quell the symptoms—yikes! We're often too embarrassed to speak of our early experiences with schizophrenia, to say that, “Yes, indeed, this is an extremely devastating and debilitating illness.” I am so glad that I am at a place in my recovery. I do have my bad days. I haven't even slept during the last day—insomnia (technically, another symptom), but I am glad that I have been to this intoxicating wonderland and come back—just enough to be able to deliver this kind of explanation, perhaps demystifying in a way that others can understand some of these processes that affect about 1% of the world's population. Schizoaffective disorder, then, includes manic highs and periods of deep depression. My Tourette's syndrome features the obvious muscle tics but also obsessive/compulsive tendencies and elements of autism or Asperger's (often referred to as higher functioning form autism—in summary, but it is, of course, much more than that). We all have our issues. It's how we deal with them that sets us apart. As always, my journey continues, on and on. Yes, you could say I've been through the wringer. I am opening up and sharing my world and my experiences—with hope. Participation in my own recovery, along with metacognition (usually in deficit for those with schizophrenia) and mindfulness, have all helped me become who I am today: an accomplished writer (literature and film/TV) and technically a professional author of erotic fiction. I often laugh at this because there are so many sides of me—the “angel demon human dichotomy”—as I use various outlets to express my creativity. I have an education primarily in the arts, but I worked on Wall Street in my “healthier” days, so I know a bit about that! However, I ultimately chose to do what I am doing now—which is just this. I am also a film producer and a musician. My new full 15-track LP will be arriving at over 60 retailers in the coming weeks, possibly under the band name Waspy Honk Afro. All my work is also available for free and will always be free, as far as I know. My thoughts are free—my public life, the “open source” information-life of J.H. I've lived in New York, Connecticut, Paris France, Los Angeles, and now New Mexico; I am now married and I write a diary and podcast mostly about mental illness, inspiration, New Age ideas, and transgressive material—transgressional fiction. [If you've seen or read Fight Club—it's pretty much like that!]I am, myself, an expert on my own experiences and myself; that's about all I'm an expert on. I am not a doctor of any kind. I enjoy learning, reading, and communicating. Whatever I say or write, I like to add: “take what you will, leave the rest.” I try my best to speak for myself when it comes down to it. Please take note that some of the above writing has been paraphrased from my second novel, Second Alibi: The Banality of Life (2014).

The point of this series is to start a conversation about how those of us diagnosed with psychotic disorders get people to believe our truths. After all, once you've been diagnosed as being psychotic, your credibility is never the same, even when you're speaking the truth. I have a podcast on iTunes in which I reveal a lot about myself, and lately I've noticed how much these podcasts have been teaching me about myself and what I've lost. This illness has taken a great deal from me, including my ability to gain recognition for my accomplishments. So, what I'd like to do here is recognize some of these accomplishments, knowing that had my life been different, they could have been acknowledged in a more public arena. Knowing, too, that, because I have schizoaffective disorder that is characterized by delusional thinking, hallucinations, and mood fluctuations, even when I speak the truth, I am often dismissed and not believed, with my truths described as mere delusions. I want to acknowledge my accomplishments not only for myself but also for all you out there. Those of you who may or may not already be diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or any other serious mental condition, whose truths, like mine, are so frequently dismissed as delusions. It upsets me even to write this, to realize that those around me can—and do—categorize what I say as delusional, and I wonder if that also happens to you. I'd like to begin by briefly mentioning that I was diagnosed with Tourette's at the age of 12, although, according to my mother, I had shown symptoms since I was two. I sometimes wonder whether I was even then showing signs of the psychosis that has plagued me for my entire adult life. I was 18 when I had my first psychotic episode. It was Christmas Day, 1994. I was living in New York City and was admitted to Beth Israel, where I was given a number of tests—medical and psychological. My toxicology report came up 100% clean, a clear indication that my psychosis was not drug-induced. My intake report by the ER doctor shows that I had a “loosening of association” and “pressured speech,” both of which can indicate schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, or bipolar disorder with psychotic features. No wonder it took so long for me to get the right diagnosis; so many of the symptoms overlap. However, I want to bring this back to delusion and truth, and how people so frequently label your truths as delusional as soon as you've been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder. I will also discuss my condition's genesis and prognosis—and then move onto those accomplishments for which I've never been truly recognized. I often wonder if other people, like me, have trouble being believed. As I may have mentioned already, serious mental illness, such as schizoaffective disorder, is believed to be caused first by a genetic predisposition to develop mental illness and second by environmental factors. In my family, I have a grandfather who seems to have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, according to old medical records that I recently found. In addition, I have two second cousins, both of whom have been publicly diagnosed with mental illness. So, I would definitely seem to be genetically predisposed to becoming mentally ill. However, having this predisposition isn't enough. You also need certain environmental factors. What I've read in some of the literature is that mental illness can be compared to diabetes. A person may be genetically predisposed to develop diabetes, but if that person gets enough exercise and watches their sugar intake, then the diabetes may never take hold—it's the same with mental illness. In my case, I had the predisposition, but I also underwent enough traumas (sexual, physical, and emotional abuse) and upheavals (such as my parents' divorce when I was young) for the illness to take hold. Boy, did it take hold. Sometimes, though, people like my sister, who has a genetic predisposition plus environmental factors (my sister comes from the same family and has had the same kind of upheavals), do not become mentally ill. Nobody knows why. Maybe, as my wife says, it's just the luck of the draw. She's kidding. At least about the luck part, because having mental illness isn't lucky, although we do have to keep laughing about it. Keep positive. You're never alone if you can laugh with someone about it. As I've mentioned, I have schizoaffective disorder. Originally, though, I was diagnosed with depression. That was back in 1994, when I was 18. Over the next 10 years or so, I saw doctor after doctor, moving here and there, trying to find my place in the world. I made seven suicide attempts and had years of alcohol and drug abuse issues. My last suicide attempt was in 2001, and I was freed from my drug and alcohol addictions in early 2003. More than 11 years ago. As I was getting off the drugs, I saw a doctor who diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder, which basically means schizophrenia with a mood disorder thrown in, and, in my case, that mood disorder is bipolar with manic features. However, in 2005 and 2006 I saw a doctor who said that I did not have schizoaffective disorder. Instead, I had a personality disorder. The point is that getting the right diagnosis can be time-consuming and frustrating, but it is also necessary, as once I was “re- diagnosed” with schizoaffective disorder, I was able to get on the right medication. But that's a different story altogether. I'm focusing here on being diagnosed with any type of mental illness that includes psychotic features that then make it almost impossible for people around you to believe your truths. However, not only do I have the double whammy of a thought disorder coupled with a mood disorder, I also have Tourette's syndrome, which is considered severe since this usually tapers off in one's 20s but mine did not. I'm 39 now, so, along with the confusion I suffer and the mood fluctuations, I also tic and sometimes engage in coprolalia, which is involuntary swearing or yelling out racial epithets. Hard combination. Added to that mix, I also seem to have aspects of obsessive compulsive disorder—I have to keep my computer arranged ‘just so'; Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)—I frequently relive earlier traumas; attention deficit disorder—I can't focus on anything for any period of time; autism or Asperger's—like Temple Grandin, I may be smart, but I can't read social cues at all. Makes it difficult to hang out and just be “one of the guys.”My current psychiatrist, Dr. C, who—unlike others—never hesitated to diagnose me, saw me when I was at my worst. I was in the middle of a psychotic episode. I was in the process of a divorce (my wife and I have since reconciled), and I had no money, as my family had cut me off from my trust income. In the past, too many doctors had seen me when I did have money and was able to hire people to do what I could not—for example shopping, driving, and cleaning. Because these doctors saw me when I could hire people, they all considered me to be “too high functioning” to have any form of schizophrenia. As a result of being considered “high functioning,” I was diagnosed for years as having a personality disorder. Some doctors thought I had borderline personality disorder (BPD); others thought I had a personality disorder not otherwise specified (NOS). Let me tell you, having the right diagnosis has turned things around at last. I'm now on the right medication. My wife and caregivers understand the nature of the illness and know some excellent ways of dealing with it and with me. Although the illness will never go away, I do have hope that I'll continue to get the right treatment and that my life will continue to get better. Now, the big one: What do you do when people assume your truths are delusions? Let's start with just a little bit more background. At the last count, I have had approximately 30 rehab stints and/or hospitalizations. That's a lot. When you're hospitalized, especially involuntarily, people tend to dismiss everything you say as a symptom of your illness. I understand that, but I don't like it, because it's hard when people don't believe you. A couple of examples. I moved to Los Angeles in January 2001 because I wanted to be a Hollywood screenwriter. I was two days shy of my 25th birthday. I was a go-getter back then, a social butterfly, and found it easy to introduce myself to just about anyone. As a result, I met Joanna Cassidy, Dick Van Dyke, Robert Downey Jr., Mel Gibson, and others. Then, as my drug and alcohol use spiraled out of control, I got myself into rehab. Since I had access to my trust fund, I could afford the rehab facilities where “celebrities” went, places such as Promises in Malibu. In these places, I met movie producers, writers, actors, musicians, and kids of celebrities. The point is, I met all these people, and some of them I befriended. Because so many of the rehab facilities didn't help me stay off drugs and alcohol, a friend and I started our own facility, Wavelengths, which also catered to celebrities. Wavelengths took a more proactive approach to getting people off drugs and alcohol. If you ever saw the show The Cleaner, you'll have a better idea of what I mean by “proactive.” In fact, that show was based on the friend with whom I started Wavelengths, and, although I was never credited, I was the co-creator of the show. But now, when I tell people about The Cleaner or knowing Chuck Lorre, Robert Downey Jr., or Mel Gibson, they smile blankly, nod their head, and dismiss what I say as a delusion. That's maddening—if you'll pardon the pun. Another example. In the summer of 2010, I checked myself into a facility in Colorado so I could get on the right meds and try to get myself re-stabilized. As I was being admitted as a patient with schizoaffective disorder, which is characterized by a thought disorder, including delusions, both my wife and my doctor spoke with the facility before I was admitted so that the doctors and social workers would know I wasn't delusional about the people I knew. My wife and doctor also let the facility know about my financial background, because I don't always look “rich.” Lately, I like to dress in t-shirts and pajama bottoms. I like to keep my hair permed and wild, and I like to wear a beard. As a result, sometimes when I'm admitted, the staff person will write that I'm a little unkempt, and when I then start talking about the money I'm worth, the same staff person will flash a little, tight smile as if to say: “Of course, you are. And I have a Swiss bank account.” Those staff people don't always know that I can “tell” what they're thinking—I can see it on their faces—, and they feel free to openly doubt my truth. More on “delusions.” The reason I write is to share my story, and sometimes—I've got to admit—it's hard knowing that a lot of people may not believe me. I bring this up because I'm sure that those of you who read what I write must have as complicated a story as mine. I am just spelling out some things—kind of “straight-from-the-heart” sharing with you all. My family, as I've mentioned, is rich and powerful. Maybe your family is not rich or powerful, but still I think you'll understand. Their money and their power helped make me who I am, just as your parents helped make you who you are. I'm not attacking anyone. I am simply telling the story of my life. I have earned the right to do that. Come to think of it, though, maybe I never did have to “earn the right” to tell the story of my life. People have a right to their own stories and to tell these stories in their own voice, not anybody else's. This is my time. My story. Not my family's. And I owe it to you to share a taste of the complexity of my life, so you'll understand the complexity of your own. So, yes, my family is rich and powerful. That is not a delusion. You can look them up yourself. They are public people. Sometimes I think that because they are public people, they have had a hard time accepting me for who I am. I know they have had a hard time accepting my diagnosis. And, really, I am not attacking them. Maybe they can't accept my diagnosis because they think it will reflect badly on them. I haven't talked to my family in a few years. I wish I felt sad about that, but I can't. My family doesn't love me. Sometimes I think they might even hate me, because they cut off my money and they cut off contact with me. But I'm getting sidetracked—what my wife calls “going off on a tangent.” So I'll stop. One area that has always been hard and that created a lot of misunderstanding in my family is my diagnosis. No one has ever accepted that I had the wrong diagnosis for years and that getting the right diagnosis has helped me move forward. Not that a diagnosis makes the illness easy, and, in many respects, a diagnosis is nothing but a label. However, with the right diagnosis (or label), you can get the right medication, the right therapy, and people—like caregivers—who know how to deal with you. The right diagnosis is a starting point that means you can read about whatever “label” you have been tagged with—or might need to be tagged with. In my case, I was “tagged with” BPD for years. On the one hand, that wasn't such a bad diagnosis, because people wouldn't then label me as being delusional. On the other hand, when people thought I had BPD, they accused me of lying, which brings me back to my family. In the past, my family has told me to “snap out of it” and to “get my act together”—that I would then be “fine.” You can't “snap out” of schizophrenia. You may get the symptoms under control, and you may even, like John Nash, seem to recover from the disorder, but you don't—and can't—“snap out of it.” My family, believing that I was capable of getting my act together, created a lot of tension between us. I use the past tense here because I don't know if they now believe my diagnosis. As I've mentioned, we've had no contact since January 2010, so I don't know what they believe. In January of that year, my family cut me off and stripped me of any help. I had no gardeners and no driver (I no longer drive). I had nothing. Based on what they wrote to me at the time, they seemed to think that they should provide a little “tough love” (like you see on Intervention) and that I would then agree to get better. I was never not agreeing to get better. Believe me, it's no fun having schizoaffective disorder. If your family or loved ones already believe your diagnosis, you are that much farther ahead because, if they believe the diagnosis, they can help. I'm taking my own advice today and staying positive. I think of all I have lost, and I can get very depressed. At one time, I had editors, housekeepers, free travel, a huge inheritance, my trust funds, and lavish cars. I've been to the best schools in the country. I had public-figure parents and several celebrities in my extended family, some of whom had actually, quite publicly, been diagnosed with mental illnesses. When I compare what I once had to what I now have, I can get depressed. I focus on the past and fail to appreciate the present. Taking my own advice to stay positive, I have three dogs, seven cats, and one bird. Now, some people might not think having so many animals is so positive, but I like walking through the house and every time being followed by at least one of them. My animals are one positive. Another positive. I no longer have diabetes. I have lost so much weight that my blood sugar is normal. I still take one of the diabetic meds because it can prevent diabetes—and also because my other meds can cause diabetes. But I am healthier than I was. No diabetes is another positive. My wife is the third positive. We reconciled two years ago, and so far we are working things out and trying to help each other. My work is the fourth positive. The schizoaffective disorder has really affected my thinking and my emotions, but it hasn't touched my creativity. I podcast, I write a journal, and I make music and movies. I have even sold a couple of songs on iTunes. My memories are the fifth and final positive for today. Although my father and I had a falling out in 2009, that's his issue. He and I have had great, absolutely fantastic, times together, and I treasure the memories. When I focus only on these memories, I can stay positive. For many reasons, I have had quite a few psychiatrists over the years. My current doctor—whom I call Dr. C—is the one that most recently diagnosed me as having schizoaffective disorder. When I went to see her the second or third time, I brought along five bookshelves' worth of my journals. My diaries. All my written documentation of madness—the faxes and emails that proved that 1,000 hours of film that I had shot had been stolen. That's it. I can't do anything about it. I have proof of a software development proposal I made when I was 15. I received a scholarship to business school, honors, and recognition. I was like John Nash except I was proposing software, not math. What I proposed would have been the first online shopping interface. But it got taken away, like everything. I have the proof, the actual documents. Real. These truths are mine. And I have schizophrenia, and I even have delusions, but I know, and my wife knows, and my close friends know, that these truths are real—not delusions. I spent three years of my life developing a show for A&E Television. I have the proof. I save everything. Faxes to the producers. My point is that I have lived an incredible life and often, all too often, facts become so-called delusions to others, especially to those others who actually count, like medical professionals. And it matters to me. All of this really matters to me. It means something very special to me because it is about me. It is from my perspective and only my perspective—the only perspective I know for sure. It's part of my story, or, as some might consider it, the “myth of that stupid Jonathan kid.” I know who I am. And I think I know who my friends are. I know that I am a legitimate, loving, grateful and spiritual human being who deserves to be loved and accepted and who deserves to make decisions, to make mistakes, and to be forgiven—to be myself. The real me. The Jonathan Harnisch who is not alone—who is loved. The Jonathan whose moods and behaviors might be a bit difficult to predict. A guy. A citizen, with schizophrenia and a full spectrum of mental maladies, who believes in some kind of higher power—who believes in himself. Who tries, tries, and tries—who never gives up on, or even thinks of giving up on, resilience. Who struggles every single day as an adult that is still being abused. Who has been abandoned and treated like waste—a mistake. Who is manipulated. Jonathan Harnisch. A teacher and a student. A rich kid who used to ride up front with his limousine driver. Who used to be a real asshole, often due to his drinking and drugging—and to his mimicking what he saw growing up among people who should have acted better but who just didn't know how to protect him. I have been in therapy since I was 9, and from the age of 12 I was “put away” on far too many medications, some of which I am still physically addicted to, some of which caused me to gain weight and to develop tardive dyskinesia (chronic muscle stiffness), and some of which I was actually allergic to, causing me to rage and even increasing my tendency to drink alcohol. I chose what I did, regardless what the literature suggests or what certain medical studies indicate. I am who I am, and I have my own story—my own version of my own story. It changes and adjusts on a constant basis. I've been closed up for so long. I am opening up. I am not being inappropriate. I don't need to be judged. But I will be judged. I don't need to worry about what others think of me. But I actually do care what other people think of me. I can't control other people. Come to think of it, I can't control what thoughts come into my head, just as I can't control which ones leave. So how can I control other people or their thoughts? How can anybody control the galaxy? How about the billions upon billions of existing galaxies or the billions of galaxies that have not yet even been discovered? That is what we are living with—within. Even Jesus experienced the full gamut of the human emotion spectrum, having been so-called spirit in human form. He was killed for that, for being who he was—for being honest and sincere, and, essentially, for being real. His life was far from easy. The most enlightened beings in the history of mankind—Buddha, Jesus, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Krishna, and the Dalai Lama—have struggled and suffered every single day of their lives. And they too, in a way, live within us all. I want to let you know that you are not alone. You will never, ever be alone. I am excited and determined to come to you, who are seeking . . . seeking something. Maybe you're just reading as you sit there at work, or maybe you're my family, checking to see how I am, if I'm “misbehaving.” What I am is a disabled and, yes, a very troubled adult. But I am allowed to share my story. My life. I am safe. Now, I laugh now when I say this, but my wife is 24 years older than I am. And if and when she passes away before I do, or for any reason leaves me (I doubt she will—we seem to be doing very well together), I worry that I will be forced into a psychiatric institution back east, back near my family, when we don't even talk. I worry that it's inevitable. I guess, in conclusion, my life is full of grandiosity. But I still have schizophrenia, and I still have people who seem to have a need to control me and yet want nothing to do with me. This fascinates me. Why do they still want that much to do with me? Somebody who happens to also be a staff writer for a local news magazine independently wrote the following about me, which I have included on my website. It makes me feel so good. See! Things can change.Envision a blend of a mentally ill mind with unsurpassed resiliency and fiery intellect and your result would be the brilliant Jonathan Harnisch. An all-around artist, Jonathan writes fiction and screenplays, sketches, imagines, and creates. His most recent artistic endeavor is developing music, a newfound passion with visible and of course audible results already in the making. Produced filmmaker and published erotica author, Jonathan holds myriad accolades, and his works captivate the attention of those who experience it. Manic-toned scripts with parallel lives, masochistic tendencies in sexual escapades, and disturbing clarities embellished with addiction, fetish, lust, and love, are just a taste of themes found in Jonathan's transgressive literature. Conversely, his award-winning films capture the ironies of life, love, self-acceptance, tragedy, and fantasy. Jonathan's art evokes laughter and shock, elation and sadness, but overall forces you to step back and question your own version of reality. Scripts, screenplays, and schizophrenia are defining factors of Jonathan's life and reality—but surface labels are often incomplete. Jonathan is diagnosed with several mental illnesses from schizoaffective disorder to Tourette's syndrome; playfully, he dubs himself the “King of Mental Illness.” Despite daily symptomatic struggles and thoughts, Jonathan radiates an authentic, effervescent, and loving spirit. His resiliency emanates from the greatest lesson he's learned: laughter. His diagnoses and life experiences encourage him to laugh at reality as others see it. Wildly eccentric, open-minded, passionate, and driven, Jonathan has a feral imagination. His inherent traits transpose to his art, making his works some of the most original and thought provoking of modern day. Jonathan is an alumnus of Choate Rosemary Hall. Subsequently, he attended NYU's Tisch School of the Arts where he studied film production and screenwriting under Gary Winick and David Irving. During his studies at NYU, he held internships under renowned producers Steven Haft and Ismail Merchant. He is best known for his short films, On the Bus and Wax, both of which boast countless awards including five Indie Film Awards, three Accolade Awards, and Ten Years won, which won the Best Short Film and Audience Award in the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival, to name a few. Despite his impressive formal education and awarded honors, Jonathan is your normal, down-to-earth guy. Meditation, Duran Duran, vivid colors, Patrick Nagel prints, and rearranging furniture are some of his favorite things. Vices include cigarettes, Diet Coke, inappropriate swearing, and sausage and green chili pizza. He enjoys irony, planned spontaneity, redefining himself, and change. Jonathan lives with his beautiful wife, their three dogs and seven cats, in the unique, desert village of Corrales, New Mexico. What follows gives a glimpse into how I have been putting together some of the pieces of the otherwise “shattered stained glass” of schizophrenia, as I see it—from what I have read and heard and just . . . believe. My psychiatrist has often asked me to describe or explain my symptoms, and thus schizophrenia, and I usually do not know how to do so. I simply reply that it is all “indescribable.” Since then, I have been looking deeper into myself so that I am able, at minimum, to summarize at least a few of my experiences, past and present, in order to share with you too some of the complexity—demystified. I'd like to share some of my discoveries, as I find them, concerning my experiences, false perceptions, and schizophrenic psychosis. Hopefully, I'll succeed in maintaining simplicity so that others can benefit and perhaps understand this otherwise extremely complex disorder. I have come to realize that thanks to my own self, my lovely wife (whom I've known for over six years now), my support team (medical doctors and friends), and even those who might be considered my enemies, I have been helped along the path to self-actualization and thus to self-understanding—to where I find myself today. I've been able to find some meaning in schizophrenia, which helps me redefine how I see myself and how the symptoms of schizophrenia came to be—so that I can describe these without simply dismissing them as “indescribable.” Please forgive any terminology I might use incorrectly, as I am not a doctor. Also, I do have schizophrenia, so although I have stabilized (recovered, not been cured), I must still admit that I might get it wrong sometimes. We schizophrenics, through our psychosis—our delusions, our hallucinations, or reality—create or develop a story, a storyline. What is real has many universal implications. Many are extremely personal, symbolic, and moral. As we build the framework of our delusional reality, which tends to fade in and fade out, as with dreaming, it can all become very mystical. Our realities, which we may not have had all our lives, can become delusional for mystical and magical reasons. This might be why, for example, when we are psychotic, the television seems to talk to us, or we might see and know Jesus—again, for reasons of a mystical or even religious nature. It becomes difficult for us then to realize that it is not necessarily real. The further and further we are or are not drawn deeper into a full blown psychosis—it's just baffling, to say the least—the more it is complex and disorganized. Yet we might believe wholeheartedly that our delusions are real and based on facts—facts that are not correct to others without the illness. Many episodes, thoughts, and experiences combine, thus building up a storyline, which then becomes more intense and even fascinating and seductive, with more and more meaning as the delusional realities or events go on—as our lives go on. The meanings become “hidden” or disguised—our realities, in a way, hidden. This illness can thus become very isolating because we have a whole different belief system about the entire world, especially when we are in a major psychotic episode. It can take years and years to arrive at this fully agitated state, but that is often how we schizophrenics will end up being diagnosed, just as an alcoholic usually “needs” to bottom out completely before getting help. Through our perceptions, which change over time, we develop a new way of thinking that becomes very hard for us to disengage from. It is exactly like being on a constant, continuous LSD trip, every single day. This is the bottom line, and, for me, this “acid trip” never stops, even when recover. It is a matter of training and re-training our minds, through therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), medications, treatments, and also a lot of training—mental training, which I certainly do on my own, especially when not in a session with my doctor. I'm always checking things over and “reality checking.” I also find it very helpful to have a friend or loved one do what I call “mediating my reality.” I can, for example, ask my wife, who loves me deeply, to see if something is or is not what or how I might be perceiving it to be—from her there is perspective without the illness. There is an element of us losing what is called object permanence or object consistency—as my doctor in California once told me. The famous child psychologist Piaget discovered that, at a very young age, infants will forget about a toy they have been playing with if it disappears from their vision: for example, if a ball rolls out of sight or someone puts it underneath a blanket. At a certain age, that child will begin to look for that missing toy, and, finding it under the blanket, realize that it was in fact there the whole time. It was always there. Before that it had, to the infant, mystically gone away—disappeared from the world entirely. That's what I mean by mystical reasons, because we lose this object permanence, as after all, this could be a sensation rather than the fundamental reality one would have perhaps thought. We see this mysticism in most of our experiences and, yes, it fades in and out, but we basically feel that things, in general, will usually happen for mystical reasons. This becomes a part of our belief system, which is pretty hard to change. Enter the double bind, as, when object permanence is out of the picture, we can be caught in a contradiction, or a series of contradictions, due to cultural or moral, as well as both personal and universal, reasons. We might, for example, in place of object permanence, experience a “multiple realities” effect, as if we were in several dimensions at one time—several realities. Based on how we grew up, at any given time a reality may slip into our mindset, and so, for example, we might behave like a racist even though our best friend is African American. It doesn't “make sense.” During my last psychotic episode early in 2010, I collected, and even wore, Nazi memorabilia, and yet I am both half Jewish, on my mother's side, and handicapped. I also behaved as if I was a racist, even though my best friend was, and is, African American. We might want to save the world from global warming; however, in doing so we might pollute it and drive gasoline cars, on purpose, in order to save this world. Grandiosity, extreme thinking, and thus extreme behavior—with realities slipping in and out—are only a part of what baffles science and medicine. Different realities slipping in, overlapping, and combining make for an extremely difficult scenario to treat and understand from a scientific perspective. We will often think poetically, as well as symbolically and metaphorically. Poetic thinking can take over, and thus our symbolic and deep personal feelings are a huge part of how we schizophrenics think and reason. We might hallucinate about Jesus for a seemingly concrete reason, a very special reason. When helping someone with schizophrenia, a good start is to consider that he or she thinks mostly through concepts of mysticism—the idea that everything happens for a deep reason, that everything has a very special meaning, and that everything is synchronistic. A schizophrenic is often a very traumatized and sensitive person, much more so than your average Joe, living in a brutal world. That's where the help—the recovery—really starts to take place and healing begins. We schizophrenics must learn, through counseling, to understand ourselves and participate in therapy, to sort through our delusional thinking, and, often with help, to get back as much of our accurate intuition as possible, to take our medicine, and to have love and understanding in our lives. In this way, we might be able to reveal our secrets to someone we can trust, our secrets of trauma, day in and day out—and to do our best, resolving as much inner conflict as we can. Peace of mind is what we all want and need. It is my number one goal in life and has always been. It is what we all deserve. Developing a new identity through our recovery is key in many ways—finding our voice so that we can be heard and sorting through our mysticism and religious or spiritual experiences and observations of reality. It's a matter of finding those people we can trust, as I said, to help us define or redefine our reality. I have that these days, especially through my wife and my doctors. I live with gratitude. Just like diabetes, schizophrenia simply does not go away—not yet—for any of us. It's always there in the background. The “lifelong acid trip”. But, with respect to delusions specifically, I have also had delusions that weren't real. And I wanted to start with why and how we tend to cling to delusional thinking and thus why I perhaps cling not necessarily to a delusion but to this kind of thinking. It is “dimensional” for me. It is a grieving process for me. I am referring to missing my old Hollywood lifestyle—the content involved with that lifestyle of the rich and famous and the grandiose nature of the thinking itself. The celebrities I befriended when I lived and worked in Los Angeles, for example. During the onset period of schizophrenia, delusions, and perceptions, we often begin with smaller-scale hallucinations. There is a root that is actually rational, wrapped inside a delusional outer layer. I think we can actually reach the schizophrenic while that individual is in a completely psychotic state—which often our doctors, caregivers, and loved ones fail to do—by understanding that everything the psychotic schizophrenic individual thinks is done in a synchronistic way. It all starts with object permanence—that we have lost this and that the one reality we once believed in has been replaced as a result of thoughts and events in our lives. A flow of realities, of things appearing and disappearing at the same time—not just the simple ball under the blanket, as the rules of both time and place come into effect here: The time is now, and the place is grounded right here on earth. Let's call it an earth belief or thought. These thoughts and beliefs can, through the “schizophrenic lens,” basically occur at the same time. This waking dream, this constant LSD trip, this real-life synchronicity (Carl Jung first coined the term “synchronicity”), and this more fluid mindset. If we are to think at the core of a schizophrenic in order to reach him or her, this means thinking synchronistically. If we are not stable enough or properly medicated, our dreams can actually become part of the same reality as reality itself. For example, my wife once asked me, “Jonathan, are you going to be recording an episode for your podcast today?” I had been planning on doing so, but I had not yet told my wife. I simply said, “Oh yes, I was actually thinking about it. It's been a while since the last one.” Now, if I were in a more psychotic state, I might have (or, rather, the delusional process might have) started with my real-life fascination with Edgar Cayce and psychic ideas, my New Age books, and my meditations into the Akashic field—and so I would have concluded that my wife was secretly reading my mind, or that she and what she said were mystically connected in some way—that she “knew something.” My psychic experiences in the past would have then overlapped with my wife knowing something psychically, mystically, and symbolically, and also with synchronicity—creating a deep and personal meaning. Add to that the paranoia that comes from her “reading my mind”—that she is therefore “God” because she knows I'm planning on recording my podcast today, even though I haven't told her. The terrifying belief is now engrained, as we are to begin with often more sensitive to the world as a whole—even being touched on the hand or the ear can create extreme fear for us schizophrenics. The belief that “she knew I was going to record a podcast today.” Synchronicity may have a little or some scientific evidence, at least theoretically. However, there are things that we cannot prove through science, such as the definition of time—or even God. In a state of schizophrenic psychosis, this overlap becomes compounded, as it builds up more intensely and thus perhaps takes over our entire belief system. Perhaps there is a coherent way of explaining how we schizophrenics might create our own reality, our delusional or schizophrenic reality, as I see it, through some of the things I have laid out so far—please bear with me here. I'll speak for myself, and my own experiences, although the end result is now something I can talk about and demystify rather than actually believe—thanks to the proper treatment, therapies, and support I now receive. I'll first start with a collection of thoughts. Theoretically, let's say, for real: • In 2008, I made a film called On the Bus about mental illness—it was part of the story in the film. • Mel Gibson (an old friend from California)—he and I were first introduced to each other in 2001. • I listened to The Beach Boys. We'll assume that the music was playing in the car with Mel as we went for a drive, as we did up in the hills of Malibu. • Mel Gibson is rich and famous. Whether in a state of schizophrenic psychosis or not, since this seems to be a matter of degree—depending on how psychotic we might or might not be and how much the psychotic part of our minds has taken hold. This is a matter of our abilities and the constantly fluctuating brain chemistry that we might—or perhaps might not—be able to filter through. It depends on whether we have been successful in redefining our delusional realities to a generally consistent state of well-being and peace of mind. In a psychotic state, due to our hallucinatory thinking, the chemistry in my brain, our brains, is constantly misfiring, so that the stimuli from the environment go to the wrong places in our brains. The effect is similar to putting our hand under cold water and feeling hot. Essentially, though, with this schizophrenic thinking process, I would come up with a “composite sketch,” if you will, a sort of “Frankenstein” version—a storyline that might be experienced as: • I knew Mel Gibson, and therefore I am famous. (Based on: Mel Gibson is famous and is rich.) • Then—but at the same time—I am rich because I made a movie called Ten Years, and I am convinced it made me rich because Mel Gibson is rich, and I am famous because I made my movie, it won awards, and Mel Gibson did, too. I must have met Mel Gibson because I made a movie, and he did, too, and we are both rich and famous. So far—this might not be the best example, but time can thus be altered—2008 is coming before 2003 in this case. This might be a little hard to follow, but please bear with me here.If I were asked to explain this while still psychotic, I'd say first that I am not mentally ill—I am simply psychic, rich, and famous. Besides, the Beach Boys were playing, and one of the Beach Boys has a mental illness, not me, but my film was about mental illness. Brian Wilson is still rich and famous, and also an artist, so he was playing on the radio because both Mel and I were both artists and it was “meant to be” that he would be playing music for us because we were all connected through art, fame, and money. Exhausting, isn't it? But this is actually how jumbled it can be for us and thus for those witnessing us speaking or even communicating in general terms. It's schizophrenia. Let's assume that we got pulled over for speeding. Well, there is a police officer character in On the Bus, my movie. You see, grandiosity, both real and imagined, content, time inconsistencies, and now this character was in the movie, so, because we were all in the car, we were in the movie while in the car, so the police officer was playing her role—it all happened for a reason. And beyond that, paranoia might also slip in—the officer who pulled us over was male (not female), and in my movie she was female, so she was disguising herself in order to take our money and meet three famous people (even Brian Wilson on the radio). Theoretically, this might suffice as a pseudo-case study, and yet in normal reality, for us schizophrenics, this type or process of thinking compounds itself and thus it can become completely distorted. Our friends and families start to think we're going crazy (although in a way we are), and stigma arises, plus confusion and thinking, “What the heck happened to this guy—he's speaking like a drug addict who's lost his mind. Where is all this coming from?” We would all benefit from greater awareness of what schizophrenia is and how to know if someone we love might be predisposed to the illness (through family history, etc.). But this is what we with schizophrenia usually experience early on, as the illness is progressing—we believe this thinking based on other facts—facts which are disconnected, something we cannot see without appropriate help. Later, yes, we can have this type of thinking while recovered or recovering, but we are able, hopefully, to be mindful enough to have such thinking but to cope with it differently, and even, down the road, to do our own “reality checks,” so that we do not not talk about these things inappropriately, in public, let's say. We can also use the hallmark of CBT, which is “evidence”, on our own in order to connect the disconnected parts of our thoughts—thus our reality. We can also do this with the support of loved ones, family, doctors, medications, friends, and support groups who help us and love us enough to be able to assist us in connecting the right pieces together and who explain why they connect—the reasons why. To wrap this up for now, I have not even mentioned the hearing of voices and hallucinations—everything from shadows to people, even friends—and the hidden, traumatic, and paranoid features of schizophrenia of which we are often too afraid to speak. We might sound or behave cryptically, in code, with pressured speech and flight of ideas. Add to this the “zombie-like” features, the manic episodes, the muscle dystonia, and the side effects of medication, and if we have turned to drugs, often just one hit of pot to quell the symptoms—yikes! We're often too embarrassed to speak of our early experiences with schizophrenia, to say that, “Yes, indeed, this is an extremely devastating and debilitating illness.” I am so glad that I am at a place in my recovery. I do have my bad days. I haven't even slept during the last day—insomnia (technically, another symptom), but I am glad that I have been to this intoxicating wonderland and come back—just enough to be able to deliver this kind of explanation, perhaps demystifying in a way that others can understand some of these processes that affect about 1% of the world's population. Schizoaffective disorder, then, includes manic highs and periods of deep depression. My Tourette's syndrome features the obvious muscle tics but also obsessive/compulsive tendencies and elements of autism or Asperger's (often referred to as higher functioning form autism—in summary, but it is, of course, much more than that). We all have our issues. It's how we deal with them that sets us apart. As always, my journey continues, on and on. Yes, you could say I've been through the wringer. I am opening up and sharing my world and my experiences—with hope. Participation in my own recovery, along with metacognition (usually in deficit for those with schizophrenia) and mindfulness, have all helped me become who I am today: an accomplished writer (literature and film/TV) and technically a professional author of erotic fiction. I often laugh at this because there are so many sides of me—the “angel demon human dichotomy”—as I use various outlets to express my creativity. I have an education primarily in the arts, but I worked on Wall Street in my “healthier” days, so I know a bit about that! However, I ultimately chose to do what I am doing now—which is just this. I am also a film producer and a musician. My new full 15-track LP will be arriving at over 60 retailers in the coming weeks, possibly under the band name Waspy Honk Afro. All my work is also available for free and will always be free, as far as I know. My thoughts are free—my public life, the “open source” information-life of J.H. I've lived in New York, Connecticut, Paris France, Los Angeles, and now New Mexico; I am now married and I write a diary and podcast mostly about mental illness, inspiration, New Age ideas, and transgressive material—transgressional fiction. [If you've seen or read Fight Club—it's pretty much like that!]I am, myself, an expert on my own experiences and myself; that's about all I'm an expert on. I am not a doctor of any kind. I enjoy learning, reading, and communicating. Whatever I say or write, I like to add: “take what you will, leave the rest.” I try my best to speak for myself when it comes down to it. Please take note that some of the above writing has been paraphrased from my second novel, Second Alibi: The Banality of Life (2014).

Take Wing and Fly Here (Sherman Asher Books) Join us for this evening of conversation based on the release of Priyanka Kumar's new novel, TAKE WING AND FLY HERE, the first in her trilogy about our changing relationship with the American West. James Ragan and Priyanka Kumar will touch on topics including land conservation, the influence of birding and nature on their creative projects, and a discussion of perspective in their writing, whether it's screenwriting, poetry, or fiction. Kumar will also share images of her fine art birding photography and clips from her documentary, The Song of the Little Road, starring Martin Scorsese, Ismail Merchant, and Ravi Shankar. Praise for Take Wing and Fly Here: "Kumar has the most unique talent. She is one of the most gifted writers I know. Her storytelling gifts make all of us sit up and take notice."--Joan Tewekesbury, author of Ebba and the Green Dresses of Olivia Gomez in a Time of Conflict and War, and screenwriter of Nashville. Priyanka Kumar is the award-winning writer, director, and producer of the feature documentary The Song of the Little Road on Satyajit Ray, starring Martin Scorsese, Ismail Merchant, and Ravi Shankar, which premiered at the Telluride Film Festival and is in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences' permanent collection. Kumar's awards include the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation Award, the New Visions/New Mexico Award, an Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences fellowship, a Panavision Filmmaker Award. She taught filmmaking at the University of S. California, Santa Cruz. 

James Ivory, Ismail Merchant and Ruth Prawer Jhabvala had been collaborating for decades when, in 1986 they delivered this mini-gem. The post 36. A Room with a View appeared first on Steven Benedict.

“I wrote the novel (The Householder) in 1960. In 1962 two very young men showed up, Ismail Merchant and James Ivory. And they said they wanted to make a film and they wanted me to write a screenplay of ‘The Householder’. And I said, ‘I’ve never written a film’. They said, ‘That’s OK, we’ve never made one.’ That’s how we started.”

Ismail Merchant, the film producer, went into partnership with the director James Ivory 24 years ago. During those years, their films have included Shakespeare Wallah, The Bostonians, Heat and Dust and A Room With A View.In conversation with Michael Parkinson, Ismail Merchant talks about his childhood in India, about his break into films and about the very successful partnership. He also chooses the eight records that he would take to the mythical island.[Taken from the original programme material for this archive edition of Desert Island Discs]Favourite track: The Magic Flute by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Book: Works by E.M Forster and Works by P D James and Works by Ruth Prawer Jhabvala Luxury: Cooking range

Ismail Merchant, the film producer, went into partnership with the director James Ivory 24 years ago. During those years, their films have included Shakespeare Wallah, The Bostonians, Heat and Dust and A Room With A View. In conversation with Michael Parkinson, Ismail Merchant talks about his childhood in India, about his break into films and about the very successful partnership. He also chooses the eight records that he would take to the mythical island. [Taken from the original programme material for this archive edition of Desert Island Discs] Favourite track: The Magic Flute by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Book: Works by E.M Forster and Works by P D James and Works by Ruth Prawer Jhabvala Luxury: Cooking range