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7 episodes with choate rosemary hall
8 episodes with choate rosemary hall
3 episodes with choate rosemary hall
2 episodes with choate rosemary hall
3 episodes with choate rosemary hall
2 episodes with choate rosemary hall
2 episodes with choate rosemary hall
2 episodes with choate rosemary hall
2 episodes with choate rosemary hall
Matt Picard is a private equity investor at Bolt Ventures, a family office focused on acquiring large global sports franchises and operating businesses around the sports and entertainment ecosystem. Prior to joining Bolt, Matt worked in Investment Banking at Jefferies, specializing in transactions across the Consumer, Gaming, and Entertainment sectors.Matt's journey with brain health began during his high school years at Choate Rosemary Hall, where he suffered two serious hits in lacrosse and football that marked the start of a challenging path to recovery and the development of prolonged post-concussive syndrome. He shares his first-hand experience in an often confusing, sometimes frustrating journey to get the right treatment for his brain health.
Mit Konstantin Paschos ist heute ein junger Mann aus Düsseldorf in unserem virtuellen Studio, der aktuell an einer Prepschool in den USA ist und schon im nächsten Jahr auf ein Elite-College geht. Konstantin hat vor wenigen Tagen an der altehrwürdigen Princeton University committed und ist damit ein weiterer Deutscher im College Football. Wie er vom Hockey zum Football gekommen ist und in kürzester Zeit zu einem der großen Talente im deutschen Football avancierte, erfahrt ihr in unserer heutigen Folge. Bitte unterstützt unseren Podcast auf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/footballschland Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen? Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich. Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.Gern unterstützen wir dich bei deiner Podcast-Produktion.
Mit Konstantin Paschos ist heute ein junger Mann aus Düsseldorf in unserem virtuellen Studio, der aktuell an einer Prepschool in den USA ist und schon im nächsten Jahr auf ein Elite-College geht. Konstantin hat vor wenigen Tagen an der altehrwürdigen Princeton University committed und ist damit ein weiterer Deutscher im College Football. Wie er vom Hockey zum Football gekommen ist und in kürzester Zeit zu einem der großen Talente im deutschen Football avancierte, erfahrt ihr in unserer heutigen Folge. Bitte unterstützt unseren Podcast auf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/footballschland Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen? Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich. Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.Gern unterstützen wir dich bei deiner Podcast-Produktion.
Mit Konstantin Paschos ist heute ein junger Mann aus Düsseldorf in unserem virtuellen Studio, der aktuell an einer Prepschool in den USA ist und schon im nächsten Jahr auf ein Elite-College geht. Konstantin hat vor wenigen Tagen an der altehrwürdigen Princeton University committed und ist damit ein weiterer Deutscher im College Football. Wie er vom Hockey zum Football gekommen ist und in kürzester Zeit zu einem der großen Talente im deutschen Football avancierte, erfahrt ihr in unserer heutigen Folge. Bitte unterstützt unseren Podcast auf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/footballschland Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen? Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich. Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.Gern unterstützen wir dich bei deiner Podcast-Produktion.
Mit Konstantin Paschos ist heute ein junger Mann aus Düsseldorf in unserem virtuellen Studio, der aktuell an einer Prepschool in den USA ist und schon im nächsten Jahr auf ein Elite-College geht. Konstantin hat vor wenigen Tagen an der altehrwürdigen Princeton University committed und ist damit ein weiterer Deutscher im College Football. Wie er vom Hockey zum Football gekommen ist und in kürzester Zeit zu einem der großen Talente im deutschen Football avancierte, erfahrt ihr in unserer heutigen Folge. Bitte unterstützt unseren Podcast auf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/footballschland Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen? Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich. Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.Gern unterstützen wir dich bei deiner Podcast-Produktion.
Mit Konstantin Paschos ist heute ein junger Mann aus Düsseldorf in unserem virtuellen Studio, der aktuell an einer Prepschool in den USA ist und schon im nächsten Jahr auf ein Elite-College geht. Konstantin hat vor wenigen Tagen an der altehrwürdigen Princeton University committed und ist damit ein weiterer Deutscher im College Football. Wie er vom Hockey zum Football gekommen ist und in kürzester Zeit zu einem der großen Talente im deutschen Football avancierte, erfahrt ihr in unserer heutigen Folge. Bitte unterstützt unseren Podcast auf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/footballschland
This episode, we're joined by Drew Dawson, the Head Coach of Choate Rosemary Hall. Drew shares his journey from central Pennsylvania to playing Division 1 basketball at Lafayette and the University of New Hampshire, and how his experiences as a player shaped his transition into coaching. We dive into the realities of D1 basketball, the complexities of the recruitment process, and the importance of holistic player development.Drew discusses the evolving landscape of prep school basketball, the significance of education in a student-athlete's journey, and how meditation and yoga play a crucial role in player development. We also explore the unique aspects of Choate Rosemary Hall, its prestigious alumni, and why it's an excellent choice for aspiring student-athletes.
Coach Hughson is a Colorado born but Connecticut raised hockey player who played competitive hockey with the CT Polar Bears program, and spent four years at the Frederick Gunn school where she was a 3 sport athlete, 2 year 2 sport captain, and 2x NEPSAC Girls ice hockey champion. She then played 4 years of Ice Hockey and Lacrosse at Elmira College where she was a ACHA/CCM First Team All-American, Elmira College Female Athlete of the Year, UCHC Player of the Year, Elmira Women's Lacrosse record breaker and Google Cloud Academic American her senior year in 2018. She then signed to play for the CT Whale in the former NWHL/PHF for a couple seasons, winning the Foundation Award in her first season. She has coached girls hockey of all ages for the past 6 years including various levels at Greenwich Skating Club and the high school varsity team at Choate Rosemary Hall. She currently coaches varsity at Greenwich Country Day School, is the director of hockey for the Stateline Hawks girls hockey program, and coaches their 16uAA and 14uA teams. She is a current 3x member of the USA National Ball Hockey Team who has competed in the ISBHF World Championships in 2019 Slovakia, 2021 Montreal, and upcoming 2024 Switzerland tournaments. In Montreal she led the team with points and etched her name on the tournament All-Star team. Sarah has a passion for performance and athlete mental health and has a current Masters degree in Sport Psychology and is currently pursuing another Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. On top of that she is a graphic designer and videographer and can be found almost always at the hockey rink either coaching, filming, or cheering on her athletes. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nick-davies7/support
Hier ist Footballschland, hier ist Match2Watch mit drei Highschool-Spielen und einem Highschool-Special. Heute mit dabei: Choate Rosemary Hall at Phillips Exeter Academy. North Cross Highschool at Blue Ridge und Providence Day at Rabun Gap. https://www.patreon.com/footballschland Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen? Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich. Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.Gern unterstützen wir dich bei deiner Podcast-Produktion.
Hier ist Footballschland, hier ist Match2Watch mit drei Highschool-Spielen und einem Highschool-Special. Heute mit dabei: Choate Rosemary Hall at Phillips Exeter Academy. North Cross Highschool at Blue Ridge und Providence Day at Rabun Gap. https://www.patreon.com/footballschland Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen? Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich. Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.Gern unterstützen wir dich bei deiner Podcast-Produktion.
Hier ist Footballschland, hier ist Match2Watch mit drei Highschool-Spielen und einem Highschool-Special. Heute mit dabei: Choate Rosemary Hall at Phillips Exeter Academy. North Cross Highschool at Blue Ridge und Providence Day at Rabun Gap. https://www.patreon.com/footballschland Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen? Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich. Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.Gern unterstützen wir dich bei deiner Podcast-Produktion.
Hier ist Footballschland, hier ist Match2Watch mit drei Highschool-Spielen und einem Highschool-Special. Heute mit dabei: Choate Rosemary Hall at Phillips Exeter Academy. North Cross Highschool at Blue Ridge und Providence Day at Rabun Gap. https://www.patreon.com/footballschland Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen? Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich. Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.Gern unterstützen wir dich bei deiner Podcast-Produktion.
Hier ist Footballschland, hier ist Match2Watch mit drei Highschool-Spielen und einem Highschool-Special. Heute mit dabei: Choate Rosemary Hall at Phillips Exeter Academy. North Cross Highschool at Blue Ridge und Providence Day at Rabun Gap. https://www.patreon.com/footballschland
Listen to Black American Jerome A. Parker — from The Bronx and living in Brooklyn, New York — share about moving his parents' possessions from The Bronx, New York to North Carolina in 2020 because they contracted Coronavirus and they were quarantining in their new home. Jerome shares about sadly losing an aunt to the virus during the pandemic. “Covid has been an interesting time… It's been a rollercoaster. But I think a lot of people feel that it wasn't all negative. There was some treasure in that darkness.” Jerome shares. “We're taking back our narrative.” Jerome says about the podcast, Black America and Covid. Jerome and I met in the Prep 9 program when we were in the 7th grade. He matriculated to Choate Rosemary Hall and I went to The Taft School.
Listen to Black American Lovey Roundtree Oliff — originally from Brooklyn and raised in Queens, New York — share about living in Exeter, New Hampshire with her husband and two sons during the Covid-19 pandemic. Her mother was born in Haiti and her father was born in Virginia. Lovey worked as a squash coach part-time and a physical fitness instructor while serving on The Select Board of the Town of Exeter, which functions as the mayor of the town. She was elected in March of 2020.“I am a Black woman raising two Black children living in the State of New Hampshire.” Lovey states.“I think things are more transparent. I think now you know what people feel and think more than you did before. Like, there were people that I would never have considered in the party of anti-mask-wearing or the people who would respond with ‘Why does everything have to be about race?' …And it's like…I don't know…because there's a Black man dead again…and it's becoming a bit of a pattern…Tell me why it's not?” Lovey share about the Black Lives Matter movement in New Hampshire.“The novelty [of Zoom] wore off and that definitely had an effect on social interactions…on social interactions becoming somewhat closed in because you felt so exposed…So there was a lot of that…Like maybe this is too much of me out there. Because when you're teaching, when you're talking to large groups… when you're doing it live you feel the feedback. You feel the responses. You feel the vibe of the room. When you're doing it on Zoom and everyone is muted or off camera, you are talking into an abyss…and you're talking to yourself in a way that feels rather uncomfortable and lonely. You're lonely in a [Zoom] room full of 100 people.”We know each other through Prep 9. Lovey attended Choate Rosemary Hall and I attended The Taft School.
On this episode we are joined by Mathieu Darche, former NHLer and current Director of Hockey Operations for the Tampa Bay Lightning.Darche, a proud hockey dad and former minor and High School hockey coach, shares his experiences and insight along with sage advice to young athletes, coaches and parents.Darche proudly took the "road less travelled" to the pros and details his experience playing hockey at Choate Rosemary Hall and what led him to McGill University, where in his last year, he was named the CIS Outstanding student-athlete and was awarded the Dr. Randy Gregg Award. McGill University served as the unlikely launchpad for a pro career and stints with the Columbus Blue Jackets, Nashville Predators, San Jose Sharks, Tampa Bay Lightning and Montreal Canadiens.
Season 3 of the Be More Today Show continues with Dr. Bamidele Olatunbosun is a primary care physician in Tampa, Florida. Prior to moving to Florida in 2021, Bami was a medical director of a rural community health center in Grass Valley, CA after spending a year in the frigid cold of Fairbanks, Alaska. In Alaska, he practiced in a family practice office. He is very passionate about working in underserved populations at community health centers. He trained at one the largest teaching health centers at the Institute for Family Health in Harlem, NY, with his hospital based training at Mount Sinai Medical Center.. He studied medicine at Wake Forest and has an MBA from University of North Carolina. He spent his undergrad years at the University of Pennsylvania, and was in the Prep for Prep 9 program in New York City as a youth. Through Prep 9, he went to Choate Rosemary Hall. He recently opened a general practice in Tampa in order to provide care for patients in a holistic manner. For more information about Dr. Bamidele or to reach Dr. Sean directly email drsean@bemoretoday.com. Visit www.bemoretoday.com for more motivation. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/support
Lovey is a politician, educator as well as a producer/storyteller. After graduating from Bowdoin College and teaching for a few years, she attended Harvard University and earned her masters degree in Education. While raising her children in Exeter, NH, she became more politically active and was elected to sit on the SAU 16 Budget Advisory committee. Additionally, Lovey coaches Girls Squash and Tennis at Phillips Exeter Academy while continuing to play and compete in adult leagues. Her passion for the arts, education, health and wellness and enhancement of power for underserved populations keeps her very busy. In March of 2020, Lovey was elected as the first African American woman to the Exeter Select Board. The five member Select Board serves as the governing body for the town and each member serves a staggered 3 year term. In addition to serving on the Exeter Select Board, Lovey manages, produces, and hosts her own podcast series called The PodCaste System. Lovey and her guests tackle the inequalities faced by Blacks, Browns, the unseen, and underserved. She dissects current affairs, politics, pop culture, and everything in between laced with a heavy touch of comedy and sarcasm. Lovey is also an active alumni member with both Choate Rosemary Hall and Prep 9. Her extensive expertise at producing events keeps her in contact with educators, patrons and other alumni. Follow her journey on Instagram @loveysfitness and @the_podcaste_system. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/support
Download and listen to a remote podcast from the Camelback Inn in Phoenix, Arizona with Sam "Riggs" Bozoian of Barstool Sports. Riggs is Host of Barstool's Fore Play Podcast and Commissioner of the Barstool Golf Classic. Riggs, originally from St. Louis and a graduate of Choate Rosemary Hall, shares his experience as a student-athlete at Harvard University. He discusses playing D1 hockey and balancing life on campus and in Boston. It's a must listen if you want to hear how he got to Barstool Sports and a few of his experiences.
Episode 79 features Ultra Spartan Racer and Marathoner Caroline Staudt. Professionally, she is an attorney turned realtor but currently she is on sabbatical living in Sweden for the year with her family. Caroline ran Cross Country and Track at Choate Rosemary Hall and Brown University. Athletically, after college, She continued running but very much as a recreational runner jumping into local races from the 5K to the marathon and never really focused on her training. She continued enjoying the act of running, but lost her competitive drive and focus. Then in 2018, she discovered Spartan races and when she quickly realized that she wanted to try a Spartan ultra in 2019, all of her passion for running and competing came back. In 2019, at her very first ever ultra and 4th OCR race, she finished 2nd at the Spartan Killington Ultra. She Followed that up with the Spartan Ultra World Championships in 2019 in Åre, Sweden – her second ever ultra and her first 24-hour event finishing just minutes outside of the top 10. Then when the pandemic hit, she had to find her own adventures. Instead of signing up for organized virtual races/runs (with the exception of our BMT for BLM 4 run this past February), She decided a “choose her own adventure route”. In October 2020, she ran her first 100K as a solo adventure running the length of Cape Cod from the Sagamore Bridge to Provincetown In May 2021, she took on a 4X4X48 run (running 4 miles every 4 hours for 48 hours). Instead of taking this on as a solo adventure, She brought her community along with her and turned it into a fundraiser. Having never done a charity run before, She ended up raising over $13,000 for the NAACP Legal Defense and Education Fund. She is currently enjoying the running scene in Sweden having already raced in the world's largest cross country race (a 30K) and is taking on a local trail 50K this weekend. Follow her story on IG@staudt.caroline and be inspired. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/support
In part three of our series on boarding school admissions with eight experts in conversation with Assistant Head of School Andrew Bishop, learn how they're helping students find their best-fit schools, how they're moving towards more inclusive and equitable enrollment processes during the pandemic, their thoughts on standardized testing, and how they hope their schools will evolve in the future. Thank you to the following boarding school admissions representatives for visiting us our campus in September 2021 and spending time with our students: AJ Yates of The Thacher School, Allison Letourneau of Kimball Union Academy, Christopher Barnes of Midland School, Dana Anselmi of Berkshire School, David Flynn of Holderness School, Jack Flanagan of Choate Rosemary Hall, Joe Mallen of Middlesex School, and Vanessa Cruz Santana of Cate School. For an in-depth Q&A with the boarding school admissions experts in this show, go to https://www.adsrm.org/boarding-school-admissions-qanda For more from the Dawson Podcast, check us out online at adsrm.org/podcast.
In part two of our conversation with eight boarding school admissions representatives in conversation with Assistant Head of School Andrew Bishop, you'll learn about the opportunities that have come out of the pandemic for admissions offices, how schools work to embed diversity, equity and inclusion work on their campuses, and why boarding schools are so expensive. Thank you to the following boarding school admissions representatives for visiting us our campus in September 2021 and spending time with our students: AJ Yates of The Thacher School, Allison Letourneau of Kimball Union Academy, Christopher Barnes of Midland School, Dana Anselmi of Berkshire School, David Flynn of Holderness School, Jack Flanagan of Choate Rosemary Hall, Joe Mallen of Middlesex School, and Vanessa Cruz Santana of Cate School. For an in-depth Q&A with the boarding school admissions experts in this show, go to https://www.adsrm.org/boarding-school-admissions-qanda For more from the Dawson Podcast, check us out online at adsrm.org/podcast.
In part one of this conversation, you'll meet our guest boarding school admissions representatives in conversation with Assistant Head of School Andrew Bishop. Topics include strong parent partnerships, mental health and wellness for students, and how the COVID-19 pandemic has impacted their individual communities in their approach to promoting a holistic educational experience for kids. Thank you to the following boarding school admissions representatives for visiting us our campus in September 2021 and spending time with our students: AJ Yates of The Thacher School, Allison Letourneau of Kimball Union Academy, Christopher Barnes of Midland School, Dana Anselmi of Berkshire School, David Flynn of Holderness School, Jack Flanagan of Choate Rosemary Hall, Joe Mallen of Middlesex School, and Vanessa Cruz Santana of Cate School. For an in-depth Q&A with the boarding school admissions experts in this show, go to www.adsrm.org/boarding-school-admissions-qanda For more from the Dawson Podcast, check us out online at adsrm.org/podcast.
In this very special episode of The Ken Show we are joined by Aissatou Diallo, Zoe Tray, and Noah Delorme, students at Choate Rosemary Hall who have been studying Ken Wilber's seminal book, Sex, Ecology, Spirituality for their senior year project. Watch as Ken, Aissatou, Zoe, and Noah unpack many of the core insights of SES and discuss the unique value Integral work holds for a new generation of thinkers, leaders, artists, and scholars. We were absolutely blown away by the depth, care, and curiosity that shone through these students' questions, as well as the obvious enthusiasm they have for the integral project. We are always trying to find new ways to bring integral ideas to new generations, and presenting these ideas in a way that speaks more directly to the unique life conditions each generation is facing. Seeing these young faces light up behind their masks as they engaged with Ken was a pure delight, and offers a new source of hope for the ongoing unfolding of integral ideas, as well as for our shared future on this planet. Topics include: 0:00 – Ken's writing process while working on SES 10:43 – Why is spirituality important to the integral model? 26:52 – How do we know how many people are at each stage? 42:09 – How important is community for spiritual awakening? 53:45 – How can Integral help people become better activists? 1:10:22 – How do we integrate relativity? 1:16:01 – Can Integral help people with poverty and substance abuse? 1:29:37 – How does emotion influence our development? 1:40:36 – How do we communicate integral spirituality to non-religious people? 1:43:24 – How does awakened love influence our relationships? 1:52:00 – How does Ken manage fear?
You're listening to the Westerly Sun's podcast, where we talk about the best local events, new job postings, obituaries, and more. First, a bit of Rhode Island trivia. Today's trivia is brought to you by Perennial. Perennial's new plant-based drink “Daily Gut & Brain” is a blend of easily digestible nutrients crafted for gut and brain health. A convenient mini-meal, Daily Gut & Brain” is available now at the CVS Pharmacy in Wakefield. Now, some trivia. Did you know that Rhode Island native, Peter Pezzelli is an author from Narragansett who has written five novels. After a knee injury, he began writing for Rhode Island Monthly and other local magazines and newspapers. His books are all set in either Rhode Island or Italy. Next, an event that you should know about… The Annual Stonington Village Fair is a regional time-honored tradition. It takes place Saturday from 11 a.m.-4 pm. Head over tomorrow to check out the booths of artisan row featuring crafters, makers, artists and more; pick up a bouquet or floral arrangement from the Stonington Garden Club; get some handmade pottery or a loaf of sweet bread! And don't forget about the book sale! See you there! Next, Are you interested in a new opportunity? Look no further, we're here again with another new job listing. Today's posting comes from Mohegan Sun. They're opening up again and looking for event security guards, event marketing representatives, ushers, and ticket takers. If you're interested, you can read more and apply by using the link in our episode description. https://www.indeed.com/l-Westerly,-RI-jobs.html?vjk=26d99a5d35f1087c Today we're remembering the life of Marie Landry Race St. John. Marie was born in Hartford, Connecticut - the eldest of the six children. Marie attended Beach Park School and Oxford School in West Hartford, and in 1948 received her B.A. with a major in Art, from Marymount College in Tarrytown, New York. Her love of art and design led to a 23-year career in interior design under her own banner, The Marie L. Race Company. In 1948, Marie married Frederick "Scot" Henry Race III and lived in West Hartford until Scot's untimely death in 1986. Then in 1989 Marie married Seymour St. John, former headmaster of Choate Rosemary Hall, in 1989 in Weekapaug. The couple spent time equally between Florida and Weekapaug until Seymour's death in 2006. In 2011, as a widow, Marie purchased an historic house in Nova Scotia, where she spent three months each year. She will be greatly missed by her family and friends. Thank you for taking a moment with us today to remember and celebrate Marie's life. Lastly, remember that reporting the local news is an important part of what it means to live here. Head over to Westerlysun.com and help us tell the stories of our community each and every day. Digital access starts at just 50 cents a day and makes all the difference in the world. That's it for today, we'll be back next time with more! Also, remember to check out our sponsor Perennial, Daily Gut & Brain, available at the CVS on Main St. in Wakefield! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Adam Finkelstein is the founder of the New England Recruiting Report as well as a national high school scout for ESPN. Adam has experience coaching at the D3 (Western Connecticut State), D1 (University of Hartford), and prep school (Choate Rosemary Hall) levels. In 2012 I reached out with questions to Adam about the prep school world and he was kind enough to take the time to lead me in the right direction. In this episode Adam talks about scouting, going where the players are, his role with ESPN, and much more. What You Will Learn:[2:00] Main takeaways from being a D3 and D1 assistant coach?[5:35] Biggest difference between a prep school player and a regular high school player?[9:24] Thoughts on pop up basketball academies as a scout.[17:00] How did the New England Recruiting Report originate and how does it benefit players?[21:50] How does Adam pick AAU and showcase events to go scout?[24:48] Story of seeing a special player not on a big time AAU team.[27:16] Role at ESPN and the perks that come with it.{32:20] Adam's 10-year plan.[35:00] Best coach, Adam coached against while at University of Hartford?[36:26] Best player, Adam coached against at Choate?[37:03] One performance as a scout that stands above the rest.[38:02] Favorite movie[38:22] Hobbies[39:15] Podcast recommendationsConnect with Adam:Twitter | https://twitter.com/AdamFinkelsteinPodcast | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-upside-with-adam-finkelstein/id1033618066Website | https://www.espn.com/college-sports/basketball/recruiting/indexWebsite | https://newenglandrecruitingreport.com/Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/adamfinkelstein/ Connect with Cory:Website | https://www.prepathletics.comInstagram | https://www.instagram.com/prep_athletics/Twitter | https://twitter.com/PREP_AthleticsFacebook | https://www.facebook.com/PrepAthleticsEmail | coryheitz@gmail.comPhone | 859-317-1166Subscribe to the PREP Athletics Podcast: iTunes | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/prep-athletics-podcast/id1546265809?uo=4Spotify | https://open.spotify.com/show/6CAKbXFiIOhoHinzsReYbJStitcher | https://www.stitcher.com/show/prep-athletics-podcastGoogle Podcasts | https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy80M2YwZTZkMC9wb2RjYXN0L3JzcwAbout Me Cory Heitz is the Founder and President of PREP Athletics. He has been helping place players into the right fitting prep schools since 2008. Cory completed a post grad year himself before playing in a D1 basketball program, so he knows the pressures that players and families face when trying to get to the collegiate level. That's why he started this podcast, which is to share his wealth of information to those looking to reach their college basketball goals.
Welcome to the Fullstack Educator Podcast! Click here to take a survey that will help us plan for season 3! Roney Eford comes from a background of diversity, adversity, and determination. Born and raised IN NYC, Roney left his urban environment for the rural life of boarding school at The Berkshire School in Sheffield MA. As a student-athlete Roney went on to do a PG year at the New Hampton school, then onto Marquette University D1, where he was a 4-year starter. At Marquette, he was a captain, freshman All American, and ranks 16th all-time for points and 11th in rebounds. Roney then went on to play professionally throughout Asia and Europe for over 8yrs before retiring back to the states to start his second career in education. As a result of living in many countries, Roney is conversational in German, Japanese, and Spanish. After retiring from basketball, Roney went on to further his education by finishing 2 master's degrees, one in sports management and the other In educational leadership. A fellow recipient of the Aspiring heads program for the NAIS, Roney is currently all but dissertation for receiving his doctorate in sports management & marketing. During the course of furthering his education, Roney has held administrative educational positions as, summer school principal, director of diversity, Title one coordinator, and Director of Athletics in both urban and suburban environments. Currently, he is the Director of Athletics at Choate Rosemary Hall in CT and is on the board of directors at the Berkshire school where he is the co-chair of the diversity committee. Roney is also AD liaison for the NEPSAC field hockey diversity coaches association. Here are links to the resources mentioned in our conversation with Roney Eford about Leadership in Athletics. Connect with Roney on Twitter and through email at roneyeford@gmail.com. Learn more about Roney, his work, and his consulting, mentoring, and workshop services through his website roneyeford.com. Book: Good to Great by Jim Collins Book: Dare to Lead by Brené Brown You can connect with Matt McGee and Michael Lomuscio on LinkedIn. You can follow Fullstack Educator on Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook. If you enjoyed this podcast please subscribe, rate it, leave a review, and share it with a friend! Episodes of this podcast are released bi-weekly.
Few professional hockey players have experienced sustained success on the ice like Hilary Knight. A native of Palo Alto, California, Knight followed in the footsteps of her future Team USA teammate and past TGP guest, Angela Ruggiero, when she attended Choate Rosemary Hall. Following boarding school, Knight went on to lead the Wisconsin Badgers to two National Championship games, including an NCAA Championship trophy in her Sophomore season, a year when she became the Badgers record-holder for points, goals and power-play goals in one season. She extended that success into her Olympic career where she won silver medals in 2010 and 2014, and most recently a gold medal in the 2018 winter Olympics. Knight has been a professional hockey player for nine years, and the game has become her personal mission off the ice as an outspoken leader rallying against subpar playing conditions and compensation. Rather than settle for less, Knight, along with more than 200 other professional hockey players walked away from the game to form the Professional Women's Hockey Players Association (PWHPA). Today, Knight has teamed up with other players on the 2021 Dream Gap Tour, a group of PWHPA players traveling around the US and Canada to call attention to the game of Women's Hockey. The tour kicks off later this month on February 28 with the first-ever professional women's hockey game hosted at Madison Square Garden. You can follow Hilary Knight on Twitter and Instagram. To learn more about the PWHPA, go to https://pwhpa.com/ Special thanks to past TGP guest Haley Rosen from Just Women's Sports for making the introduction to our guest. About The Game Plan The Game Plan is a weekly SportTechie podcast hosted by venture capitalists Jay Kapoor and Tim Katt. The show features professional athletes and their business interests beyond sports. You can follow us on Twitter (@thegameplanshow) and Instagram (@gameplanshow) for show news and updates, to recommend guests, and for bonus content! Follow co-hosts Jay Kapoor (@JayKapoorNYC) and Tim Katt (@Tim_Katt) for all things sports, media, tech, and venture capital. Question? Comment? Story idea? Let us know at talkback@sporttechie.com
With the start of a new semester for most of us, it felt like the perfect time to release a great conversation on climate change pedagogy (this episode’s Root Word!) with Sarah Jaquette Ray and Stephen Siperstein. Sarah is professor and head of the Environmental Studies BA program at Humboldt State University, and Stephen lives at the Environmental Immersion Program at Choate Rosemary Hall in Connecticut where he teaches courses in environmental humanities and interdisciplinary environmental research methods, and directs the school’s Writing Center.UC-CSU NXTerra: https://www.nxterra.orfaleacenter.ucsb.edu/Find Sarah on Twitter @sjaquetteray or her website: www.sarahjaquetteray.comFind Stephen on Twitter @ssiperstein or email: ssiperstein@choate.eduIf you have an idea for an episode, please reach out to us:Email: ASLE.EcoCast@gmail.comTwitter: @ASLE_EcoCastJemma: @GeowritesBrandon: @BeGalmIf you’re enjoying the show, please consider subscribing, sharing, and writing reviews on your favorite podcast platform(s)!Episode recorded November 21, 2020.CC BY-NC-ND 4.0Recorded August 22, 2020
On the very first episode of the Charting Your Course, I sat down and interviewed Dennis Yu. Dennis is currently the CTO of ChiroRevenue, he has managed ad campaigns for numerous fortune 500 clients, he is a world-renowned Facebook marketing expert, and he has lectured audiences over 730 times across 5 continents. Dennis is an alumnus of Choate Rosemary Hall, an elite boarding school in Wallingford, Connecticut. In this interview Dennis shared advice on a wide variety of life skills such as time management, building relationships, independence, and much more. If you would like to be in contact or learn more about Dennis, visit his website www.dennis-yu.com or contact him on any of his social media accounts.
In my interview with Amanda Brainerd, we discuss how her debut novel started out as an oral history before morphing into a fictional examination of her years at an elite boarding school and then NYC in the mid ‘80’s, how Fran Leibowitz was an early fan, and a fascinating story of the evolution of her book cover design. Amanda lives on the Upper East Side of Manhattan with her husband and three children, blocks from where she grew up. She attended The Nightingale-Bamford School and was expelled from Choate Rosemary Hall, before going on to graduate from Harvard College and Columbia Architecture. To learn more about her, click here.
Author and C.E.O. of Be More Today, Inc. Dr. Sean Thomas breaks down the Steps 2 Greatness in his debut book Be More Today: A 40 Day Guide to a Better Version of You. To sign up for the first Virtual 5K and to join the Steps 2 Greatness Challenge, click on the link below. The deadline to sign up is December 5th, 2020. https://runsignup.com/Race/NY/Brooklyn/BeMoreTodayAnniversary5K Sean Anthony Thomas was born in Harlem, NY and raised in the Hudson Valley. He attended Choate Rosemary Hall for high school and later graduated from Brown University in 2003 with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology. While at Brown, he was a captain of the Division I Track and Field Team and was Ivy League Indoor and Outdoor Champion in the Triple Jump. Dr. Thomas graduated from SUNY Downstate Medical Center with his Doctorate in Physical Therapy in 2011 where he earned the Alumnae Award for Leadership, the Community Service Award, and the Best Research Award for his thesis entitled “Facilitating a Positive Change in Physical Activity Level with African American Adolescent Girls using the Trans-Theoretical Model.” Dr. Thomas has been working at Jag-One since 2012 and is currently the Clinical Director of the Georgetown Office. He is a Graston Provider, a certified kinesiotape practitioner, and is SFMA Level 1 certified. Dr. Thomas has competed over 19 Spartan Races, is a 4 time marathoner, a former professional dancer, and the C.E.O. of Be More Today, a company that provides information and inspiration to help ordinary people do extraordinary things. He is the author of “Be More Today: A 40-Day Guide to a Better Version Of You” and hosts a weekly podcast called The Be More Today Show. Dr. Thomas offers free weekly workouts in Brooklyn with a community based organization called Spartan Sundays, a fitness group he helped to co-found in 2012. He also serves as an ordained Elder and a Health Ministries Leader. Dr. Thomas is married to Hemangi Pai Thomas, who works as a Public Defender in Brooklyn and together they have a five year old daughter named Sonali. Visit www.bemoretoday.com for more details. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/support
"Yoo hoo! Look what I found down here!" Who could possibly could resist a mother's call to investigate?Elizabeth Mushinsky Mitchell came by her parenting instinctively. She lost her own mother when she was eight, but had a feel for what it took to be a great mother: true engagement, genuine pathos, and a generous dose of inventiveness.From 1992, she was coordinator of the Gold Key tour guide program at Choate Rosemary Hall, and was admired and beloved by the students there. She died in 2015.Katie speaks with Liz's daughter, journalist Biz Mitchell, whose latest book is Lincoln's Lie: A True Civil War Caper Through Fake News, Wall Street, and the White House, published in October 2020 by Counterpoint Press.This, too, is a week where we give thanks to every mother who is no longer here to bask her in daughter's achievement. We express special gratitude to Shyamala Gopalan Harris, Vice President-elect Kamala Harris's mom, who would be oh so proud.Music composed and performed by Andrea Perry.Illustrations by Paula Mangin (@PallahBallah on Instagram)Intern: @RosieManock
Dr. Douglas Chang is a Doctor of Dentistry and is the owner of Chang Dental Center located in Lile, Illinois. Doug was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois. He attended Choate Rosemary Hall and went on to Augustana College for undergrad. He left college early to attend Iowa Dental and graduated in 2006 with his DDS . He was volunteer at the Chicago Dental Society Foundation clinic in 2012, President of a local dental society 2016, and State Dental Society Trustee in 2019. Doug is a husband, the father of four children, and spends his leisurely time with his family and on the golf course. #bemoretoday #bmtshow #dentist #choaterosemaryhall #chicago #gobears #family #faith #forevertrue --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/support
Stephen Haskins, MD is an anesthesiologist who has worked at the Hospital for Special Surgery, the top orthopedic hospital in the nation, for 11 consecutive years. He is also a Clinical Assistant Professor of Anesthesiology at Weill-Cornell Medical College. In addition to providing care for various patients undergoing orthopedic procedures, including many professional athletes, Dr. Haskins has an academic and clinical passion for Point-of-Care Ultrasound (PoCUS). PoCUS uses ultrasound at the bedside to enhance clinical assessment and has been called the “Stethoscope of the 21st Century.” Dr. Haskins has been practicing, teaching, and promoting this innovative clinical skill in the peri-surgical setting for almost ten years and has taught or lectured on PoCUS in ~20 states, seven countries, and four continents. He is also the Associate Editor of a major anesthesia journal, the co-founder and chair of several U.S.-based global anesthesia conferences, and has authored many notable academic publications. Born and raised in Michigan, Stephen Haskins moved to the East Coast to attend Choate Rosemary Hall, graduating in 2000 as the first African-American legacy since its founding in 1890. Stephen graduated from Yale University with a B.S. in Molecular, Cellular, and Developmental Biology and then from New York University School of Medicine, where he received his M.D. with Honors. He then completed an internship and residency at Weill-Cornell New York-Presbyterian Hospital and was chosen to serve as Chief Resident during his final year. Stephen capped off his training by completing a fellowship at the Hospital for Special Surgery in regional anesthesiology and acute pain medicine. Although he mostly supports his artist friends and enjoys nights of NYC karaoke, he recently joined a band (PLXS) as the lead singer. He has also recently become a long-distance running fanatic and is training for the 2020 New York City Virtual Marathon. To support his 2020 Virtual Marathon to raise mondey for Cancer awareness, see the link below: https://secure.acsevents.org/site/SPageServer?pagename=active_donate_now&PROXY_TYPE=20&PROXY_ID=55668656&FR_ID=98016&fr_id=98016&fbclid=IwAR3NjnvaI3cNl6VvV2H9Fk5CCqjsBc51KpEuEKv2Fvrb9hYw0cyuuQ4Cgks #bemoretoday #md #anesthesia #hss #pocus #ultrasound #demchoateboys #gritgang2020 #legacy #NYCvirtualmarathon --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/support
Episode 23 features my friend and former Major League Soccer player Khari Stephenson! Khari hails from Kingston, Jamaica and played for the Reggae Boyz U-20 Jamaican national team, played at Choate Rosemary Hall, and went on to matriculate and play at Williams College. He later went on to play Major League Soccer for the San Jose Earthquakes, Real Salt Lake, and other teams over a 12 year period. For more on his amazing story, follow him on Facebook @ Khari Stephenson and on IG @kharilasana. #jamaica #reggaeboyz #choate #williamscollege #majorleaguesoccer #sanjoseearthquakes #realsaltlake --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bemoretoday/support
Sean Anthony Thomas was born in Harlem, NY and raised in the Hudson Valley. He attended Choate Rosemary Hall for high school and later graduated from Brown University in 2003 with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology. While at Brown, he was a captain of the Division I Track and Field Team and was Ivy League Indoor and Outdoor Champion in the Triple Jump. Dr. Thomas graduated from SUNY Downstate Medical Center with his Doctorate in Physical Therapy in 2011 where he earned the Alumnae Award for Leadership, the Community Service Award, and the Best Research Award for his thesis entitled “Facilitating a Positive Change in Physical Activity Level with African American Adolescent Girls using the Trans-Theoretical Model.” Dr. Thomas has been working at Jag-One since 2012 and is currently the Clinical Director of the Georgetown Office. He is a Graston Provider, a certified kinesiotape practitioner, and is SFMA Level 1 certified. Dr. Thomas has competed over 19 Spartan Races, is a 4 time marathoner, a former professional dancer, and the C.E.O. of Be More Today, a company that provides information and inspiration to help ordinary people do extraordinary things. He is the author of “Be More Today: A 40-Day Guide to a Better Version Of You” and hosts a weekly podcast called The Be More Today Show. Dr. Thomas offers free weekly workouts in Brooklyn with a community based organization called Spartan Sundays, a fitness group he helped to co-found in 2012. He also serves as an ordained Elder and a Health Ministries Leader. Dr. Thomas is married to Hemangi Pai Thomas, who works as a Public Defender in Brooklyn and together they have a five year old daughter named Sonali. Closing Word: “Failing Forward” by Eddie Pinero ; Website: http://bemoretoday.com ; Social Media: Instagram @seandpt @thebmtshow ;Twitter @SeanDPT --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/whataword/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/whataword/support
Palmer Weiss is a San Francisco-based interior designer. Raised in Charleston, South Carolina, Weiss credits her Southern roots as a major influence on her design aesthetic. She admires the way Southerners embrace their family heritage, formality and tradition in their homes but are also not afraid to express a few of their eccentricities as well. Over twenty-five years of living in Northern California has allowed her to develop a unique style that both respects tradition and embraces new ideas. A mother of two girls and one yellow lab, Weiss also understands the need for a home to be as functional as it is beautiful. Never one to give into trends, Weiss is known for creating timeless, modern and livable interiors with her signature bursts of color and a little bit of that Southern eccentricity thrown in for fun. Interiors and architecture are in Weiss’ blood. With an accomplished interior designer for a mother and a father in real estate development, Weiss spent much of her childhood touring construction and job sites. Though she was always toiling away in her mom’s sample closets and dissecting design trade magazines for inspiration, Weiss didn’t formalize her design career until 2002. Instead she held jobs in investment banking and retail merchandising. She believes her experience in the business world has helped her immensely in managing client budgets and meeting key project deadlines. She feels these attributes are as important to a successful client relationship as making inspired creative choices. Weiss attended Choate Rosemary Hall boarding school, Brown University with a BA in History of Art, and received her MBA at J.L. Kellogg Graduate School of Management at Northwestern University. As an avid supporter of the arts, Palmer serves on the board of Spoleto Festival USA which is one of America’s premier performing arts festivals and held in her hometown of Charleston, SC. She resides in San Francisco with her husband, a cardiologist, and their two daughters.
Commercial free sports radio show that's a must listen. Talking about various sports with great guests and stories. Host Bio: A former division 1 player and long time coach at the youth, high school, and collegiate levels, Scott Wosleger has won 10 championships as a player and coach. He has coached some of the top players in the nation including in the prestigious NECBL, as hitting coach for the Mystic Schooners. While with the Schooners, his hitters ranked first or second in hits, runs, RBI, OBP, and K/BB ratio. In 2015, Wosleger's hitters had the lowest strikeout total in the league since 2008, won the southern division and reached the championship series. His Schooners of ‘14 produced both the batting and home run champion. While at Wesleyan University, he was part of the staff for the 2015 NESCAC Conference champions who participated the the NCAA Regional. Prior to Wesleyan, Scott piloted East Hampton (HS) to a state championship in 2011. Several of his players at all levels have gone on to play professional baseball. As a player (catcher, OF, third baseman)and 1986 graduate of Iona College, he was part of the 1985 MAAC Championship team that participated in the NCAA regional. Scott also owns and operates the critically acclaimed Coach Wos Five Tool Youth Baseball Camp running each summer since 2004. He is currently the head coach at Choate Rosemary Hall in Wallingford, CT. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/scott-wosleger/message
“An elegant, mellifluous and expressive baritone” (New York Times), Charles Wesley Evans has been applauded by The Miami Herald as “the peak of the night’s solo work” and “a warm, strong baritone” by the Washington Post. This Georgia-born baritone began singing professionally at the age of 11 as a chorister at The American Boychoir School in Princeton, New Jersey where he performed nationally and internationally under the baton of notable conductors, Zubin Mehta, Lorin Maazel, James Levine, John Williams and Vladimir Spivakov. With a versatility that ranges from the Baroque to Gospel and African-American Spirituals, he has engaged a myriad of audiences with performances of song that are programmed to intrigue the novice and feed the soul of the avid concert goer. His solo work has offered opportunities across the US with the Cleveland Orchestra, New York Philharmonic, Austin Symphony, Fort Worth Symphony, Delaware Philharmonic, Berkshire Baroque, the Dryden Ensemble, Princeton Pro Musica, Music in Somerset Hills, and the Masterworks Chorus and orchestra in Carnegie Hall. He is a passionate supporter and performer of professional choral practices and is a proud member of the Carmel Bach Festival Chorale (Carmel, CA), Grammy-nominated Seraphic Fire (Miami, FL), The Choir of Trinity Wall Street and the Grammy-award winning ensemble Conspirare (Austin, TX). His singing has been broadcast on New York Public Radio, South Florida Public Radio, California Public Radio and Classical MPR (Minnesota). He has served on the voice faculties of the University of South Florida, University of Tampa and is currently artist faculty for the Aspen Music Festival (Professional Choral Institute) and Director of Choral and Vocal Studies at Choate Rosemary Hall. He holds a Bachelor of Arts in Music from Brewton-Parker College in Mt. Vernon, GA with further study at the Boston Conservatory of Music and Westminster Choir College of Rider University (Princeton, NJ).
Mr. Rogers is the director of curricular initiatives at Choate Rosemary Hall in Wallingford. He was quite influential! Enjoy!
Show from 5/24/19 In this episode of the Behind the Markets podcast host Jeremy Schwartz talks to the Founder and CEO of Applico, a company that helps new and existing businesses build their own platforms. He’ll explain that while a traditional business model creates value through linear supply chain production, a platform business is non-linear and can connect interdependent groups of consumers and producers. Companies like Amazon, Walmart and Microsoft have made the switch—so is this the business model you should consider for your company? GuestsAlex Moazed, Founder of Applico. He founded Applico in 2009 when he was 20 years old and funded the company with his own credit cards. Alex co-authored the best-selling book, Modern Monopolies, which defines the platform business model dominating the 21st century economy. In his role as CEO, he works directly with Fortune 500 C-suites and boards to help them build or buy their own platform businesses. Alex is a graduate of Babson College, Choate Rosemary Hall and Greenwich Country Day School.For more on Applico visit this link: https://www.applicoinc.com/Rafi Aviav - Head Of Product Development at WisdomTree in Europe. He has an MBA in Analytic (Quantitative) Finance from the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business, as well as a BA in economics from Tel Aviv University. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Staff writer Matt Zabierek joins the Morning Record with details from a report on Choate Rosemary Hall's second investigation into sexual abuse complaints. The investigation corroborate complaints against three more people connected to Choate, as well as new allegations against three people named in the last report. Music: thegoodlawdz.bandcamp.com
Matt Zabierek joins the Morning Record to talk about Choate Rosemary Hall's ongoing response to an April 2017 report that detailed sexual misconduct allegations over a period of decades. The school renamed an athletic field that honored a former headmaster accused of not reporting the allegations, although it claims the decision had nothing to do with the investigation. Music: thegoodlawdz.bandcamp.com
3 Horus The Avenger by MSE 3, Choate Rosemary Hall
6 Thutmose IV by MSE 3, Choate Rosemary Hall
7 The Demon And The Princess by MSE 3, Choate Rosemary Hall
1 Ra and His Children by MSE 3, Choate Rosemary Hall
2 Isis And Osiris by MSE 3, Choate Rosemary Hall
4 Khnemu of the Nile by MSE 3, Choate Rosemary Hall
5 Queen Hatshepsut by MSE 3, Choate Rosemary Hall
0 Introduction To Egyptian Podcast by MSE 3, Choate Rosemary Hall
We had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Alex Curtis. Dr. Alex Curtis is the headmaster of Choate Rosemary Hall and has led an exemplary career in education. We hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed interviewing him.
This week, we hear a few updates on stories from our archives. The Boston Globe Spotlight team shines light on sexual abuse at elite New England boarding schools, and it prompts more investigations and more allegations. Plus, we follow scientists who are recreating ancient forests, and tracking the effects of climate change on moose. And we hear about a program at a rapidly-diversifying New Hampshire high school that aims to build understanding between American-born students and newcomers. Engineering Forests, Tracking Fading Moose In the northeastern U.S., there is less than one percent of old growth forest left. A new University of Vermont study found that harvesting trees in a way that mimics ancient forests not only restores critical habitat, but also stores a surprising amount of carbon. Researchers created this tip-up mound by pulling over this tree with a cable. A downed tree offers a number of habitat niches for small mammals, insects and invertebrates. Photo by Kathleen Masterson for VPR For a forest to be considered “old growth,” it must grow largely undisturbed, usually for several centuries. These ancient forests help foster biodiversity of plants, animal and even fungi — and can help mitigate flooding. University of Vermont ecologist Bill Keeton wanted to see if he could take a “middle-aged” New England forest and “nudge” the forest ecosystem into old growth conditions. Vermont Public Radio reporter Kathleen Masterson went to take a look. UVM forest ecologist Bill Keeton uses a laser rangefinder to measure the height of a tree in UVM’s Jericho Research Forest. The 1990s were a good time to be a moose in New Hampshire. The animals could take advantage of a perfect mix of young and mature forest, and plenty of food. At its peak, the statewide population reached 7,400. But given the lush habitat, scientists wondered why the moose population wasn't growing faster. Today, there are only about 3,400 moose in New Hampshire, and the same steep decline is being reported in neighboring Vermont and Maine. The culprit? A nasty tick whose proliferation is brought on by climate change. We speak with Kristine Rines, a wildlife biologist with the New Hampshire Fish and Game Department. Rines is leading a four-year study to learn more about how weather changes and forest management practices affect the moose population. Painful Secrets Continue to Come to Light at New England Boarding Schools St. George’s School in Middletown, Rhode Island. Photo by Dina Rudick for the Boston Globe. Another New England private school has come forward with a report detailing sexual abuse of students by staff over decades. Last month, St. Paul's School in Concord, New Hampshire released a report naming 13 former faculty and staff members. According to investigators hired by the school, accusations of sexual misconduct against the 13 — which ranged from inappropriate touching to repeated rape — had been substantiated. The report also includes accounts of misconduct by 10 additional unnamed faculty members. The alleged abuse took place between 1948 and 1988. Steven Starr, a former student at the Fessenden School in Newton, Mass., shows photos of him at 11 taken by teacher James Hallman, who Starr says molested him. Image courtesy of The Boston Globe Spotlight Team. St. Paul's is the latest school to release its own findings since a Boston Globe Spotlight investigation last year revealed allegations of sexual abuse at more than 67 private schools in New England. Choate Rosemary Hall in Wallingford, Connecticut named 12 alleged abusers in a report released in April. Joining us is Jonathan Saltzman, a reporter on the Globe Spotlight Team who took part in the investigation. Saltzman also worked on several follow-up pieces, including an article on the report from St. Paul's School in Concord. We recorded our conversation in April. A Home for Homeless Women Veterans; A Global Outlook at Concord High Army veteran LouAnn Hazelwood was fleeing her second abusive marriage when she found one of the nation’s few transitional programs for homeless female veterans. Photo by Rebecca Sheir for the American Homefront Project Women make up nearly 15 percent of the U.S. Armed Forces. As more females return from service, many are at special risk of becoming homeless due to mental health problems, substance abuse, and military sexual trauma. As a result, females are the fastest growing demographic of homeless veterans. But nearly all facilities for homeless veterans house males and females together. That can be counterproductive for women recovering from trauma. In Leeds, Massachusetts, freelance reporter Rebecca Sheir introduces us to one of the nation's few programs that caters exclusively to the needs of females. Social worker Anna-Marie DiPasquale with student Rene Ndutiye at Concord High School. Photo courtesy of Anna-Marie DiPasquale Ten years ago, the demographics of New Hampshire and of Concord High School were almost identical. Both were 93 percent white. While that number has remained steady for the state, the capital city's high school has diversified in a big way. More than 10 percent of the school's 1,600 students are now refugees resettled from 66 countries. Anna-Marie DiPasquale, the school's social worker, started a new project this past fall called Travel Around the World. The project allows Ms. DiPasquale to visit different classrooms with small groups of refugee students sharing their cultures and traditions firsthand. Jimmy Gutierrez reports for New Hampshire Public Radio's Word of Mouth. About NEXT NEXT is produced at WNPR. Host: John Dankosky Producer: Andrea Muraskin Executive Producer: Catie Talarski Digital Content Manager/Editor: Heather Brandon Contributors to this episode: Kathleen Masterson, Rebecca Sheir, Jimmy Gutierrez Music: Todd Merrell, “New England” by Goodnight Blue Moon, We appreciate your feedback! Send praise, critique, suggestions, questions, and story leads to next@wnpr.org.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week, The Boston Globe Spotlight team shines light on sexual abuse at elite New England boarding schools, and it prompts more investigations and more allegations. Connecticut’s unpopular Democratic governor said he’s not running for re-election. We find out why, and ask why so many blue New England states are now being run by Republicans. And we hear about “duckling diplomacy” in Boston and Moscow. St. George’s School in Middletown, Rhode Island. After a former student at St. George’s told The Boston Globe she had been raped by an athletic coach at St. George’s, the paper began an investigation of sexual abuse at private schools across New England. Photo by Dina Rudick for The Boston Globe Painful Secrets Continue to Come to Light at New England Boarding Schools Steven Starr, a former student at the Fessenden School in Newton, Mass., shows photos of him at 11 taken by teacher James Hallman, who Starr says molested him. Image courtesy of The Boston Globe Spotlight Team. A new internal report from Choate Rosemary Hall in Connecticut names 12 former educators who allegedly sexually assaulted students at the elite boarding school between 1963 and 2010. It’s the latest school to release it’s own findings since a Boston Globe Spotlight Team investigation last year revealed allegations of sexual abuse at over 67 private schools in New England. In many cases, the alleged abusers were fired or allowed to resign without being reported to law enforcement. Like Choate Rosemary Hall, other schools have launched their own investigations after the Spotlight report was published last year, uncovering more disturbing stories. Our guest is Jonathan Saltzman, a reporter on the Globe Spotlight Team who took part in the investigation and authored an article on Choate Rosemary Hall’s report last week. Why Does Blue New England Love GOP Governors? When political observers look at a map of the U.S., most of them put a blue placeholder on New England. For many reasons, our region is both in reputation and reality a place where Democratic politicians and liberal ideas flourish. So, why – when you look at the current political landscape of New England, do you see such success by Republican governors? Connecticut Governor Dannel Malloy announcing that he won’t seek a third term, with wife Cathy Malloy. Photo by Ryan Caron King for WNPR A recent poll by Morning Consult that ranks America’s governors by popularity shows Charlie Baker of Massachusetts at a whopping 75% approval rating. He's even more popular in the Commonwealth than high-profile liberal standard-bearer, Senator Elizabeth Warren. Vermont and New Hampshire’s newly elected Republican governors – Phil Scott and Chris Sununu, are both enjoying very high favorable ratings, and even the outspoken and controversial Paul LePage is approved of by roughly half of Mainers. That leaves only two Democrats – Rhode Island’s Gina Raimondo and Connecticut’s Dannel Malloy. And Malloy announced last week that he won't be running for re-election. We wanted to learn more about how New Englanders view their governors, so we sat down with a panel of experts. Dan Haar is a columnist for The Hartford Courant. Maureen Moakley is a Professor of Political Science at the University of Rhode Island and a part of the Political Rountable team at Rhode Island Public Radio. Andrew Smith is Associate Professor of Practice in Political Science at the University of New Hampshire and director of the UNH Survey Center. Jubilant Kenyans and Diplomatic Ducklings in Boston From left, Kenyan fans John Githaiga, of Kenya, and Penny Waweru and Frank Githinji, of Lowell, cheer as Edna Kiplagat crosses the finish line to win the women’s race at the Boston Marathon on Monday. Photo by Jesse Costa for WBUR At the 121st Boston Marathon on Monday, the winner of both the women's and men's races were Kenyans: Edna Kiplagat and Geoffrey Kerui. While Kenyans have dominated the marathon over the last three decades, Ethiopians have been more successful in recent years. So Monday was a great day for members of New England's Kenyan community, some of whom were at the finish line. WBUR's Simón Rios reports. The installation of the “Ducklings” sculpture in Moscow’s Novodevichy Park coincided with the U.S. and Soviet Union signing a nuclear arms treaty known as the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty, or START I. Photo courtesy of Dmitry Avdoshin Walk a few blocks from the marathon finish line in Copley Square to the Boston Public Garden, and you're sure to find children surrounding a family of ducks made out of bronze. The life-sized statues depict Mrs. Mallard and her children: Jack, Kack, Lack, Mack, Nack, Ouack, Pack and Quack. While the ducklings from Robert McCloskey's children's book Make Way for Ducklings have become a Boston icon, this is not their only home. WBUR's Bob Shaffer reports on the identical public art project erected in Moscow. You can think of it as a monument to Cold War diplomacy. Boston’s “Make Way For Ducklings” sculpture was installed in 1987. Moscow residents received their own version in 1991. Photo by Jesse Costa for WBUR About NEXT NEXT is produced at WNPR. Host: John Dankosky Producer: Andrea Muraskin Executive Producer: Catie Talarski Digital Content Manager/Editor: Heather Brandon Contributors to this episode: Simón Rios and Bob Shaffer Music: Todd Merrell, “New England” by Goodnight Blue Moon Get all the NEXT episodes. We appreciate your feedback! Send praise, critique, suggestions, questions, story leads, and pictures of your local public art to next@wnpr.org.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Amon welcomes Matt FX to the show. They talk about a ton of music, a variety genres, a plethora of artists, a gaggle of geese, warehouse parties, tv shows, movies and all while learning the peaks & valleys Matt has endured to becoming the person he is today. More About Matt FX Sound Cloud - https://soundcloud.com/mattfxfxfxfx Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mattfxfxfxfx/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/MATTFXFXFXFX Links to the Stuff they Talked About THE FOOD Lumpia Shack Snackbar - https://www.yelp.com/biz/lumpia-shack-snackbar-new-york-2 Coppelia - https://www.yelp.com/biz/coppelia-new-york TV & FILM STUFF Modern Family - http://abc.go.com/shows/modern-family Fame - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083412/ The Shining - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shining_(film) Yellow Submarine (film) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_Submarine_(film) Skins UK - http://www.channel4.com/programmes/skins Skins MTV - http://www.mtv.com/shows/skins Russell Brand - http://www.russellbrand.com The Mighty Boosh - https://www.youtube.com/show/themightyboosh Rent - http://www.broadway.com/shows/rent/ Broad City - http://www.cc.com/shows/broad-city THE MUSIC SECTION Jai Paul - https://soundcloud.com/jaipaul Diplo - http://diplo.com A-Track - http://atrak.com Dillon Francis - http://dillonfrancis.com Skrillex - http://main.skrillex.com Mushrooms (Skins us Soundtrack ) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfnK1x7x40k Post Malone - White Iverson - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLsTskih7_I Sleigh Bells - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkS_DAB6QA8 Jimmy Eat World - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Eat_World Blood Orange - http://bloodorange.nyc Blood Orange - Sutphin Boulevard - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTKgC1XSwgY Animal Collective - https://twitter.com/anmlcollective Phantogram - http://www.phantogram.com M83 - http://ilovem83.com DJ Green Lantern - https://soundcloud.com/djgreenlantern How To Make It In America - Mixtape Vol.2 by Mick Boogie - https://soundcloud.com/thefranzous/how-to-make-it-in-america MICK - http://mick.co Rap Phenomenon II - DJ Vlad, Dirty Harry, DJ Green Lantern - http://www.datpiff.com/Tupac-Rap-Phenomenon-2-mixtape.503.html Nicolas Jaar - https://soundcloud.com/otherpeoplerecords/csp06-nicolas-jaar-essential Matthew Dear - https://soundcloud.com/matthewdear Ludacris - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludacris DJ Raff - Latino N' Proud - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvN2WKUP76w vcvl - https://soundcloud.com/vhvl Jarina De Marco - https://soundcloud.com/jarinademarcoofficial/tigre Tony Quattro - https://soundcloud.com/tonyquattro GoldLink - https://soundcloud.com/goldlink Smino - https://soundcloud.com/sminoworld monte booker - https://soundcloud.com/montebooker Sángo - https://soundcloud.com/Sangobeats Zero Fatigue - http://pitchfork.com/features/rising/9802-zero-fatigue-chicagos-next-hip-hop-visionaries/ Chance The Rapper - http://chanceraps.com Alex Tumay - https://twitter.com/alextumay James Kurd - https://soundcloud.com/jamescurd DEEWEE - https://soundcloud.com/deewee-2 Sugar Candy Mountain - https://sugarcandymountain.bandcamp.com/album/666 J Balvin - http://jbalvin.com Azealia Banks - http://www.azealiabanks.com Azealia Banks- Slow Hands (Interpol Cover) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAtIGB2jiOk Azealia Banks - "212" Video (2011) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3Jv9fNPjgk Young Thug - https://soundcloud.com/youngthugworld Zapp and Roger - http://www.thezappband.com/roger Mark Morrison - Return Of The Mack - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uB1D9wWxd2w Nelly - http://www.nelly.net Women of the Calabash - https://www.facebook.com/Women-of-the-Calabash-174079835995805/ The Beatles - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beatles The White Stripes - https://thirdmanrecords.com/about/artists/the-white-stripes Linkin Park - https://linkinpark.com/ Jet (band) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jet_(band) * N S Y N C - http://www.nsync.com A Tribe Called Quest - http://atribecalledquest.com De La Soul - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/De_La_Soul Freddie Gibbs - http://www.esgnrecords.com VARIOUS SCENES Rinsed - https://www.facebook.com/rinsed.it/ Shea Stadium BK - http://liveatsheastadium.com 285 Kent - http://pitchfork.com/features/article/9308-indestructible-room-the-story-of-285-kent/ Market Hotel - https://www.facebook.com/markethotel/ Electric Zoo - http://electriczoofestival.com Webster Hall - http://www.websterhall.com Verboten - http://www.verbotennewyork.com The Limelight - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Limelight Le Bain - The Standard Hotels - http://www.standardhotels.com/new-york/features/le-bain THE SCHOOLS Groton - http://www.groton.org/page Choate Rosemary Hall - https://www.choate.edu Phillips Exeter Academy - http://www.exeter.edu Saint Thomas Choir School - http://www.choirschool.org Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School - http://laguardiahs.org The University of Glasgow - http://www.gla.ac.uk McGill University - https://www.mcgill.ca OTHER STUFF West Village - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Village West Beth - http://westbeth.org New Zealand - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Zealand Williamsburg - https://www.timeout.com/newyork/brooklyn/williamsburg-brooklyn-neighborhood-guide Bushwick, Brooklyn - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bushwick,_Brooklyn Art Basel - https://www.artbasel.com Dance-punk - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dance-punk Todd P - http://toddpnyc.com ShowPaper - http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/38/3/dtg-showpaper-folds-2015-01-16-bk_38_3.html DIY Band Sites - http://blog.sonicbids.com/5-new-indie-music-sites-that-care-about-diy-bands-music-not-just-social-media-numbers This episode is sponsored by Gorilla Coffee.
Envision a blend of a mentally ill mind with unsurpassed resiliency and fiery intellect and your result would be the brilliant Jonathan W. Harnisch. An all-around artist, Jonathan writes fiction and screenplays, sketches, imagines, and creates. His most recent artistic endeavor is developing music, a newly found passion with results already in the making. Produced filmmaker and published erotica author, Jonathan holds a myriad of accolades, and his works captivate the attention of those who experience them. Manic-toned scripts with parallel lives, masochistic tendencies in sexual escapades, and disturbing clarities embellished with addiction, fetish, lust, and love are just a taste of what is to be found in Jonathan's transgressive literature. In contrast, his award-winning films capture the ironies of life, love, self-acceptance, tragedy, and fantasy. Jonathan's art evokes laughter and shock, elation and sadness, but above all it forces you to step back and question your own version of reality. Scripts, screenplays, and schizophrenia are the defining factors of Jonathan's life and reality—but surface labels are often incomplete. Jonathan is diagnosed with several mental illnesses, from schizoaffective disorder to Tourette's syndrome; playfully, he dubs himself the “King of Mental Illness.” Despite daily symptomatic struggles and thoughts, Jonathan radiates an authentic, effervescent, and loving spirit. His resiliency emanates from the greatest lesson he's learned: laughter. His diagnoses and life experiences encourage him to laugh at reality as others see it. Wildly eccentric, open-minded, passionate, and driven, Jonathan has a feral imagination. His inherent traits transpose to his art, making his works some of the most original and thought-provoking of the modern day. Jonathan is an alumnus of Choate Rosemary Hall. Subsequently, he attended NYU's Tisch School of the Arts, where he studied film production and screenwriting under Gary Winick and David Irving. During his studies at NYU, he held internships under renowned producers Steven Haft and Ismael Merchant. He is best known for his short films On the Bus and Wax, both of which boast countless awards, including five Indie Film Awards, three Accolade Awards, and Best Short Film and Audience Awards at the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival, to name just a few. Despite his impressive formal education and awarded honors, Jonathan is your normal, down-to-earth guy. Meditation, Duran Duran, vivid colors, Patrick Nagel prints, and rearranging furniture are some of his favorite things. Vices include cigarettes, Diet Coke, inappropriate swearing, and sausage and green chili pizza. He enjoys irony, planned spontaneity, redefining himself, and change. Jonathan lives with his beautiful wife, Maureen, on Fat Man Farms in the unique desert village of Corrales, New Mexico.
The point of this series is to start a conversation about how those of us diagnosed with psychotic disorders get people to believe our truths. After all, once you've been diagnosed as being psychotic, your credibility is never the same, even when you're speaking the truth. I have a podcast on iTunes in which I reveal a lot about myself, and lately I've noticed how much these podcasts have been teaching me about myself and what I've lost. This illness has taken a great deal from me, including my ability to gain recognition for my accomplishments. So, what I'd like to do here is recognize some of these accomplishments, knowing that had my life been different, they could have been acknowledged in a more public arena. Knowing, too, that, because I have schizoaffective disorder that is characterized by delusional thinking, hallucinations, and mood fluctuations, even when I speak the truth, I am often dismissed and not believed, with my truths described as mere delusions. I want to acknowledge my accomplishments not only for myself but also for all you out there. Those of you who may or may not already be diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or any other serious mental condition, whose truths, like mine, are so frequently dismissed as delusions. It upsets me even to write this, to realize that those around me can—and do—categorize what I say as delusional, and I wonder if that also happens to you. I'd like to begin by briefly mentioning that I was diagnosed with Tourette's at the age of 12, although, according to my mother, I had shown symptoms since I was two. I sometimes wonder whether I was even then showing signs of the psychosis that has plagued me for my entire adult life. I was 18 when I had my first psychotic episode. It was Christmas Day, 1994. I was living in New York City and was admitted to Beth Israel, where I was given a number of tests—medical and psychological. My toxicology report came up 100% clean, a clear indication that my psychosis was not drug-induced. My intake report by the ER doctor shows that I had a “loosening of association” and “pressured speech,” both of which can indicate schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, or bipolar disorder with psychotic features. No wonder it took so long for me to get the right diagnosis; so many of the symptoms overlap. However, I want to bring this back to delusion and truth, and how people so frequently label your truths as delusional as soon as you've been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder. I will also discuss my condition's genesis and prognosis—and then move onto those accomplishments for which I've never been truly recognized. I often wonder if other people, like me, have trouble being believed. As I may have mentioned already, serious mental illness, such as schizoaffective disorder, is believed to be caused first by a genetic predisposition to develop mental illness and second by environmental factors. In my family, I have a grandfather who seems to have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, according to old medical records that I recently found. In addition, I have two second cousins, both of whom have been publicly diagnosed with mental illness. So, I would definitely seem to be genetically predisposed to becoming mentally ill. However, having this predisposition isn't enough. You also need certain environmental factors. What I've read in some of the literature is that mental illness can be compared to diabetes. A person may be genetically predisposed to develop diabetes, but if that person gets enough exercise and watches their sugar intake, then the diabetes may never take hold—it's the same with mental illness. In my case, I had the predisposition, but I also underwent enough traumas (sexual, physical, and emotional abuse) and upheavals (such as my parents' divorce when I was young) for the illness to take hold. Boy, did it take hold. Sometimes, though, people like my sister, who has a genetic predisposition plus environmental factors (my sister comes from the same family and has had the same kind of upheavals), do not become mentally ill. Nobody knows why. Maybe, as my wife says, it's just the luck of the draw. She's kidding. At least about the luck part, because having mental illness isn't lucky, although we do have to keep laughing about it. Keep positive. You're never alone if you can laugh with someone about it. As I've mentioned, I have schizoaffective disorder. Originally, though, I was diagnosed with depression. That was back in 1994, when I was 18. Over the next 10 years or so, I saw doctor after doctor, moving here and there, trying to find my place in the world. I made seven suicide attempts and had years of alcohol and drug abuse issues. My last suicide attempt was in 2001, and I was freed from my drug and alcohol addictions in early 2003. More than 11 years ago. As I was getting off the drugs, I saw a doctor who diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder, which basically means schizophrenia with a mood disorder thrown in, and, in my case, that mood disorder is bipolar with manic features. However, in 2005 and 2006 I saw a doctor who said that I did not have schizoaffective disorder. Instead, I had a personality disorder. The point is that getting the right diagnosis can be time-consuming and frustrating, but it is also necessary, as once I was “re- diagnosed” with schizoaffective disorder, I was able to get on the right medication. But that's a different story altogether. I'm focusing here on being diagnosed with any type of mental illness that includes psychotic features that then make it almost impossible for people around you to believe your truths. However, not only do I have the double whammy of a thought disorder coupled with a mood disorder, I also have Tourette's syndrome, which is considered severe since this usually tapers off in one's 20s but mine did not. I'm 39 now, so, along with the confusion I suffer and the mood fluctuations, I also tic and sometimes engage in coprolalia, which is involuntary swearing or yelling out racial epithets. Hard combination. Added to that mix, I also seem to have aspects of obsessive compulsive disorder—I have to keep my computer arranged ‘just so'; Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)—I frequently relive earlier traumas; attention deficit disorder—I can't focus on anything for any period of time; autism or Asperger's—like Temple Grandin, I may be smart, but I can't read social cues at all. Makes it difficult to hang out and just be “one of the guys.”My current psychiatrist, Dr. C, who—unlike others—never hesitated to diagnose me, saw me when I was at my worst. I was in the middle of a psychotic episode. I was in the process of a divorce (my wife and I have since reconciled), and I had no money, as my family had cut me off from my trust income. In the past, too many doctors had seen me when I did have money and was able to hire people to do what I could not—for example shopping, driving, and cleaning. Because these doctors saw me when I could hire people, they all considered me to be “too high functioning” to have any form of schizophrenia. As a result of being considered “high functioning,” I was diagnosed for years as having a personality disorder. Some doctors thought I had borderline personality disorder (BPD); others thought I had a personality disorder not otherwise specified (NOS). Let me tell you, having the right diagnosis has turned things around at last. I'm now on the right medication. My wife and caregivers understand the nature of the illness and know some excellent ways of dealing with it and with me. Although the illness will never go away, I do have hope that I'll continue to get the right treatment and that my life will continue to get better. Now, the big one: What do you do when people assume your truths are delusions? Let's start with just a little bit more background. At the last count, I have had approximately 30 rehab stints and/or hospitalizations. That's a lot. When you're hospitalized, especially involuntarily, people tend to dismiss everything you say as a symptom of your illness. I understand that, but I don't like it, because it's hard when people don't believe you. A couple of examples. I moved to Los Angeles in January 2001 because I wanted to be a Hollywood screenwriter. I was two days shy of my 25th birthday. I was a go-getter back then, a social butterfly, and found it easy to introduce myself to just about anyone. As a result, I met Joanna Cassidy, Dick Van Dyke, Robert Downey Jr., Mel Gibson, and others. Then, as my drug and alcohol use spiraled out of control, I got myself into rehab. Since I had access to my trust fund, I could afford the rehab facilities where “celebrities” went, places such as Promises in Malibu. In these places, I met movie producers, writers, actors, musicians, and kids of celebrities. The point is, I met all these people, and some of them I befriended. Because so many of the rehab facilities didn't help me stay off drugs and alcohol, a friend and I started our own facility, Wavelengths, which also catered to celebrities. Wavelengths took a more proactive approach to getting people off drugs and alcohol. If you ever saw the show The Cleaner, you'll have a better idea of what I mean by “proactive.” In fact, that show was based on the friend with whom I started Wavelengths, and, although I was never credited, I was the co-creator of the show. But now, when I tell people about The Cleaner or knowing Chuck Lorre, Robert Downey Jr., or Mel Gibson, they smile blankly, nod their head, and dismiss what I say as a delusion. That's maddening—if you'll pardon the pun. Another example. In the summer of 2010, I checked myself into a facility in Colorado so I could get on the right meds and try to get myself re-stabilized. As I was being admitted as a patient with schizoaffective disorder, which is characterized by a thought disorder, including delusions, both my wife and my doctor spoke with the facility before I was admitted so that the doctors and social workers would know I wasn't delusional about the people I knew. My wife and doctor also let the facility know about my financial background, because I don't always look “rich.” Lately, I like to dress in t-shirts and pajama bottoms. I like to keep my hair permed and wild, and I like to wear a beard. As a result, sometimes when I'm admitted, the staff person will write that I'm a little unkempt, and when I then start talking about the money I'm worth, the same staff person will flash a little, tight smile as if to say: “Of course, you are. And I have a Swiss bank account.” Those staff people don't always know that I can “tell” what they're thinking—I can see it on their faces—, and they feel free to openly doubt my truth. More on “delusions.” The reason I write is to share my story, and sometimes—I've got to admit—it's hard knowing that a lot of people may not believe me. I bring this up because I'm sure that those of you who read what I write must have as complicated a story as mine. I am just spelling out some things—kind of “straight-from-the-heart” sharing with you all. My family, as I've mentioned, is rich and powerful. Maybe your family is not rich or powerful, but still I think you'll understand. Their money and their power helped make me who I am, just as your parents helped make you who you are. I'm not attacking anyone. I am simply telling the story of my life. I have earned the right to do that. Come to think of it, though, maybe I never did have to “earn the right” to tell the story of my life. People have a right to their own stories and to tell these stories in their own voice, not anybody else's. This is my time. My story. Not my family's. And I owe it to you to share a taste of the complexity of my life, so you'll understand the complexity of your own. So, yes, my family is rich and powerful. That is not a delusion. You can look them up yourself. They are public people. Sometimes I think that because they are public people, they have had a hard time accepting me for who I am. I know they have had a hard time accepting my diagnosis. And, really, I am not attacking them. Maybe they can't accept my diagnosis because they think it will reflect badly on them. I haven't talked to my family in a few years. I wish I felt sad about that, but I can't. My family doesn't love me. Sometimes I think they might even hate me, because they cut off my money and they cut off contact with me. But I'm getting sidetracked—what my wife calls “going off on a tangent.” So I'll stop. One area that has always been hard and that created a lot of misunderstanding in my family is my diagnosis. No one has ever accepted that I had the wrong diagnosis for years and that getting the right diagnosis has helped me move forward. Not that a diagnosis makes the illness easy, and, in many respects, a diagnosis is nothing but a label. However, with the right diagnosis (or label), you can get the right medication, the right therapy, and people—like caregivers—who know how to deal with you. The right diagnosis is a starting point that means you can read about whatever “label” you have been tagged with—or might need to be tagged with. In my case, I was “tagged with” BPD for years. On the one hand, that wasn't such a bad diagnosis, because people wouldn't then label me as being delusional. On the other hand, when people thought I had BPD, they accused me of lying, which brings me back to my family. In the past, my family has told me to “snap out of it” and to “get my act together”—that I would then be “fine.” You can't “snap out” of schizophrenia. You may get the symptoms under control, and you may even, like John Nash, seem to recover from the disorder, but you don't—and can't—“snap out of it.” My family, believing that I was capable of getting my act together, created a lot of tension between us. I use the past tense here because I don't know if they now believe my diagnosis. As I've mentioned, we've had no contact since January 2010, so I don't know what they believe. In January of that year, my family cut me off and stripped me of any help. I had no gardeners and no driver (I no longer drive). I had nothing. Based on what they wrote to me at the time, they seemed to think that they should provide a little “tough love” (like you see on Intervention) and that I would then agree to get better. I was never not agreeing to get better. Believe me, it's no fun having schizoaffective disorder. If your family or loved ones already believe your diagnosis, you are that much farther ahead because, if they believe the diagnosis, they can help. I'm taking my own advice today and staying positive. I think of all I have lost, and I can get very depressed. At one time, I had editors, housekeepers, free travel, a huge inheritance, my trust funds, and lavish cars. I've been to the best schools in the country. I had public-figure parents and several celebrities in my extended family, some of whom had actually, quite publicly, been diagnosed with mental illnesses. When I compare what I once had to what I now have, I can get depressed. I focus on the past and fail to appreciate the present. Taking my own advice to stay positive, I have three dogs, seven cats, and one bird. Now, some people might not think having so many animals is so positive, but I like walking through the house and every time being followed by at least one of them. My animals are one positive. Another positive. I no longer have diabetes. I have lost so much weight that my blood sugar is normal. I still take one of the diabetic meds because it can prevent diabetes—and also because my other meds can cause diabetes. But I am healthier than I was. No diabetes is another positive. My wife is the third positive. We reconciled two years ago, and so far we are working things out and trying to help each other. My work is the fourth positive. The schizoaffective disorder has really affected my thinking and my emotions, but it hasn't touched my creativity. I podcast, I write a journal, and I make music and movies. I have even sold a couple of songs on iTunes. My memories are the fifth and final positive for today. Although my father and I had a falling out in 2009, that's his issue. He and I have had great, absolutely fantastic, times together, and I treasure the memories. When I focus only on these memories, I can stay positive. For many reasons, I have had quite a few psychiatrists over the years. My current doctor—whom I call Dr. C—is the one that most recently diagnosed me as having schizoaffective disorder. When I went to see her the second or third time, I brought along five bookshelves' worth of my journals. My diaries. All my written documentation of madness—the faxes and emails that proved that 1,000 hours of film that I had shot had been stolen. That's it. I can't do anything about it. I have proof of a software development proposal I made when I was 15. I received a scholarship to business school, honors, and recognition. I was like John Nash except I was proposing software, not math. What I proposed would have been the first online shopping interface. But it got taken away, like everything. I have the proof, the actual documents. Real. These truths are mine. And I have schizophrenia, and I even have delusions, but I know, and my wife knows, and my close friends know, that these truths are real—not delusions. I spent three years of my life developing a show for A&E Television. I have the proof. I save everything. Faxes to the producers. My point is that I have lived an incredible life and often, all too often, facts become so-called delusions to others, especially to those others who actually count, like medical professionals. And it matters to me. All of this really matters to me. It means something very special to me because it is about me. It is from my perspective and only my perspective—the only perspective I know for sure. It's part of my story, or, as some might consider it, the “myth of that stupid Jonathan kid.” I know who I am. And I think I know who my friends are. I know that I am a legitimate, loving, grateful and spiritual human being who deserves to be loved and accepted and who deserves to make decisions, to make mistakes, and to be forgiven—to be myself. The real me. The Jonathan Harnisch who is not alone—who is loved. The Jonathan whose moods and behaviors might be a bit difficult to predict. A guy. A citizen, with schizophrenia and a full spectrum of mental maladies, who believes in some kind of higher power—who believes in himself. Who tries, tries, and tries—who never gives up on, or even thinks of giving up on, resilience. Who struggles every single day as an adult that is still being abused. Who has been abandoned and treated like waste—a mistake. Who is manipulated. Jonathan Harnisch. A teacher and a student. A rich kid who used to ride up front with his limousine driver. Who used to be a real asshole, often due to his drinking and drugging—and to his mimicking what he saw growing up among people who should have acted better but who just didn't know how to protect him. I have been in therapy since I was 9, and from the age of 12 I was “put away” on far too many medications, some of which I am still physically addicted to, some of which caused me to gain weight and to develop tardive dyskinesia (chronic muscle stiffness), and some of which I was actually allergic to, causing me to rage and even increasing my tendency to drink alcohol. I chose what I did, regardless what the literature suggests or what certain medical studies indicate. I am who I am, and I have my own story—my own version of my own story. It changes and adjusts on a constant basis. I've been closed up for so long. I am opening up. I am not being inappropriate. I don't need to be judged. But I will be judged. I don't need to worry about what others think of me. But I actually do care what other people think of me. I can't control other people. Come to think of it, I can't control what thoughts come into my head, just as I can't control which ones leave. So how can I control other people or their thoughts? How can anybody control the galaxy? How about the billions upon billions of existing galaxies or the billions of galaxies that have not yet even been discovered? That is what we are living with—within. Even Jesus experienced the full gamut of the human emotion spectrum, having been so-called spirit in human form. He was killed for that, for being who he was—for being honest and sincere, and, essentially, for being real. His life was far from easy. The most enlightened beings in the history of mankind—Buddha, Jesus, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Krishna, and the Dalai Lama—have struggled and suffered every single day of their lives. And they too, in a way, live within us all. I want to let you know that you are not alone. You will never, ever be alone. I am excited and determined to come to you, who are seeking . . . seeking something. Maybe you're just reading as you sit there at work, or maybe you're my family, checking to see how I am, if I'm “misbehaving.” What I am is a disabled and, yes, a very troubled adult. But I am allowed to share my story. My life. I am safe. Now, I laugh now when I say this, but my wife is 24 years older than I am. And if and when she passes away before I do, or for any reason leaves me (I doubt she will—we seem to be doing very well together), I worry that I will be forced into a psychiatric institution back east, back near my family, when we don't even talk. I worry that it's inevitable. I guess, in conclusion, my life is full of grandiosity. But I still have schizophrenia, and I still have people who seem to have a need to control me and yet want nothing to do with me. This fascinates me. Why do they still want that much to do with me? Somebody who happens to also be a staff writer for a local news magazine independently wrote the following about me, which I have included on my website. It makes me feel so good. See! Things can change.Envision a blend of a mentally ill mind with unsurpassed resiliency and fiery intellect and your result would be the brilliant Jonathan Harnisch. An all-around artist, Jonathan writes fiction and screenplays, sketches, imagines, and creates. His most recent artistic endeavor is developing music, a newfound passion with visible and of course audible results already in the making. Produced filmmaker and published erotica author, Jonathan holds myriad accolades, and his works captivate the attention of those who experience it. Manic-toned scripts with parallel lives, masochistic tendencies in sexual escapades, and disturbing clarities embellished with addiction, fetish, lust, and love, are just a taste of themes found in Jonathan's transgressive literature. Conversely, his award-winning films capture the ironies of life, love, self-acceptance, tragedy, and fantasy. Jonathan's art evokes laughter and shock, elation and sadness, but overall forces you to step back and question your own version of reality. Scripts, screenplays, and schizophrenia are defining factors of Jonathan's life and reality—but surface labels are often incomplete. Jonathan is diagnosed with several mental illnesses from schizoaffective disorder to Tourette's syndrome; playfully, he dubs himself the “King of Mental Illness.” Despite daily symptomatic struggles and thoughts, Jonathan radiates an authentic, effervescent, and loving spirit. His resiliency emanates from the greatest lesson he's learned: laughter. His diagnoses and life experiences encourage him to laugh at reality as others see it. Wildly eccentric, open-minded, passionate, and driven, Jonathan has a feral imagination. His inherent traits transpose to his art, making his works some of the most original and thought provoking of modern day. Jonathan is an alumnus of Choate Rosemary Hall. Subsequently, he attended NYU's Tisch School of the Arts where he studied film production and screenwriting under Gary Winick and David Irving. During his studies at NYU, he held internships under renowned producers Steven Haft and Ismail Merchant. He is best known for his short films, On the Bus and Wax, both of which boast countless awards including five Indie Film Awards, three Accolade Awards, and Ten Years won, which won the Best Short Film and Audience Award in the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival, to name a few. Despite his impressive formal education and awarded honors, Jonathan is your normal, down-to-earth guy. Meditation, Duran Duran, vivid colors, Patrick Nagel prints, and rearranging furniture are some of his favorite things. Vices include cigarettes, Diet Coke, inappropriate swearing, and sausage and green chili pizza. He enjoys irony, planned spontaneity, redefining himself, and change. Jonathan lives with his beautiful wife, their three dogs and seven cats, in the unique, desert village of Corrales, New Mexico. What follows gives a glimpse into how I have been putting together some of the pieces of the otherwise “shattered stained glass” of schizophrenia, as I see it—from what I have read and heard and just . . . believe. My psychiatrist has often asked me to describe or explain my symptoms, and thus schizophrenia, and I usually do not know how to do so. I simply reply that it is all “indescribable.” Since then, I have been looking deeper into myself so that I am able, at minimum, to summarize at least a few of my experiences, past and present, in order to share with you too some of the complexity—demystified. I'd like to share some of my discoveries, as I find them, concerning my experiences, false perceptions, and schizophrenic psychosis. Hopefully, I'll succeed in maintaining simplicity so that others can benefit and perhaps understand this otherwise extremely complex disorder. I have come to realize that thanks to my own self, my lovely wife (whom I've known for over six years now), my support team (medical doctors and friends), and even those who might be considered my enemies, I have been helped along the path to self-actualization and thus to self-understanding—to where I find myself today. I've been able to find some meaning in schizophrenia, which helps me redefine how I see myself and how the symptoms of schizophrenia came to be—so that I can describe these without simply dismissing them as “indescribable.” Please forgive any terminology I might use incorrectly, as I am not a doctor. Also, I do have schizophrenia, so although I have stabilized (recovered, not been cured), I must still admit that I might get it wrong sometimes. We schizophrenics, through our psychosis—our delusions, our hallucinations, or reality—create or develop a story, a storyline. What is real has many universal implications. Many are extremely personal, symbolic, and moral. As we build the framework of our delusional reality, which tends to fade in and fade out, as with dreaming, it can all become very mystical. Our realities, which we may not have had all our lives, can become delusional for mystical and magical reasons. This might be why, for example, when we are psychotic, the television seems to talk to us, or we might see and know Jesus—again, for reasons of a mystical or even religious nature. It becomes difficult for us then to realize that it is not necessarily real. The further and further we are or are not drawn deeper into a full blown psychosis—it's just baffling, to say the least—the more it is complex and disorganized. Yet we might believe wholeheartedly that our delusions are real and based on facts—facts that are not correct to others without the illness. Many episodes, thoughts, and experiences combine, thus building up a storyline, which then becomes more intense and even fascinating and seductive, with more and more meaning as the delusional realities or events go on—as our lives go on. The meanings become “hidden” or disguised—our realities, in a way, hidden. This illness can thus become very isolating because we have a whole different belief system about the entire world, especially when we are in a major psychotic episode. It can take years and years to arrive at this fully agitated state, but that is often how we schizophrenics will end up being diagnosed, just as an alcoholic usually “needs” to bottom out completely before getting help. Through our perceptions, which change over time, we develop a new way of thinking that becomes very hard for us to disengage from. It is exactly like being on a constant, continuous LSD trip, every single day. This is the bottom line, and, for me, this “acid trip” never stops, even when recover. It is a matter of training and re-training our minds, through therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), medications, treatments, and also a lot of training—mental training, which I certainly do on my own, especially when not in a session with my doctor. I'm always checking things over and “reality checking.” I also find it very helpful to have a friend or loved one do what I call “mediating my reality.” I can, for example, ask my wife, who loves me deeply, to see if something is or is not what or how I might be perceiving it to be—from her there is perspective without the illness. There is an element of us losing what is called object permanence or object consistency—as my doctor in California once told me. The famous child psychologist Piaget discovered that, at a very young age, infants will forget about a toy they have been playing with if it disappears from their vision: for example, if a ball rolls out of sight or someone puts it underneath a blanket. At a certain age, that child will begin to look for that missing toy, and, finding it under the blanket, realize that it was in fact there the whole time. It was always there. Before that it had, to the infant, mystically gone away—disappeared from the world entirely. That's what I mean by mystical reasons, because we lose this object permanence, as after all, this could be a sensation rather than the fundamental reality one would have perhaps thought. We see this mysticism in most of our experiences and, yes, it fades in and out, but we basically feel that things, in general, will usually happen for mystical reasons. This becomes a part of our belief system, which is pretty hard to change. Enter the double bind, as, when object permanence is out of the picture, we can be caught in a contradiction, or a series of contradictions, due to cultural or moral, as well as both personal and universal, reasons. We might, for example, in place of object permanence, experience a “multiple realities” effect, as if we were in several dimensions at one time—several realities. Based on how we grew up, at any given time a reality may slip into our mindset, and so, for example, we might behave like a racist even though our best friend is African American. It doesn't “make sense.” During my last psychotic episode early in 2010, I collected, and even wore, Nazi memorabilia, and yet I am both half Jewish, on my mother's side, and handicapped. I also behaved as if I was a racist, even though my best friend was, and is, African American. We might want to save the world from global warming; however, in doing so we might pollute it and drive gasoline cars, on purpose, in order to save this world. Grandiosity, extreme thinking, and thus extreme behavior—with realities slipping in and out—are only a part of what baffles science and medicine. Different realities slipping in, overlapping, and combining make for an extremely difficult scenario to treat and understand from a scientific perspective. We will often think poetically, as well as symbolically and metaphorically. Poetic thinking can take over, and thus our symbolic and deep personal feelings are a huge part of how we schizophrenics think and reason. We might hallucinate about Jesus for a seemingly concrete reason, a very special reason. When helping someone with schizophrenia, a good start is to consider that he or she thinks mostly through concepts of mysticism—the idea that everything happens for a deep reason, that everything has a very special meaning, and that everything is synchronistic. A schizophrenic is often a very traumatized and sensitive person, much more so than your average Joe, living in a brutal world. That's where the help—the recovery—really starts to take place and healing begins. We schizophrenics must learn, through counseling, to understand ourselves and participate in therapy, to sort through our delusional thinking, and, often with help, to get back as much of our accurate intuition as possible, to take our medicine, and to have love and understanding in our lives. In this way, we might be able to reveal our secrets to someone we can trust, our secrets of trauma, day in and day out—and to do our best, resolving as much inner conflict as we can. Peace of mind is what we all want and need. It is my number one goal in life and has always been. It is what we all deserve. Developing a new identity through our recovery is key in many ways—finding our voice so that we can be heard and sorting through our mysticism and religious or spiritual experiences and observations of reality. It's a matter of finding those people we can trust, as I said, to help us define or redefine our reality. I have that these days, especially through my wife and my doctors. I live with gratitude. Just like diabetes, schizophrenia simply does not go away—not yet—for any of us. It's always there in the background. The “lifelong acid trip”. But, with respect to delusions specifically, I have also had delusions that weren't real. And I wanted to start with why and how we tend to cling to delusional thinking and thus why I perhaps cling not necessarily to a delusion but to this kind of thinking. It is “dimensional” for me. It is a grieving process for me. I am referring to missing my old Hollywood lifestyle—the content involved with that lifestyle of the rich and famous and the grandiose nature of the thinking itself. The celebrities I befriended when I lived and worked in Los Angeles, for example. During the onset period of schizophrenia, delusions, and perceptions, we often begin with smaller-scale hallucinations. There is a root that is actually rational, wrapped inside a delusional outer layer. I think we can actually reach the schizophrenic while that individual is in a completely psychotic state—which often our doctors, caregivers, and loved ones fail to do—by understanding that everything the psychotic schizophrenic individual thinks is done in a synchronistic way. It all starts with object permanence—that we have lost this and that the one reality we once believed in has been replaced as a result of thoughts and events in our lives. A flow of realities, of things appearing and disappearing at the same time—not just the simple ball under the blanket, as the rules of both time and place come into effect here: The time is now, and the place is grounded right here on earth. Let's call it an earth belief or thought. These thoughts and beliefs can, through the “schizophrenic lens,” basically occur at the same time. This waking dream, this constant LSD trip, this real-life synchronicity (Carl Jung first coined the term “synchronicity”), and this more fluid mindset. If we are to think at the core of a schizophrenic in order to reach him or her, this means thinking synchronistically. If we are not stable enough or properly medicated, our dreams can actually become part of the same reality as reality itself. For example, my wife once asked me, “Jonathan, are you going to be recording an episode for your podcast today?” I had been planning on doing so, but I had not yet told my wife. I simply said, “Oh yes, I was actually thinking about it. It's been a while since the last one.” Now, if I were in a more psychotic state, I might have (or, rather, the delusional process might have) started with my real-life fascination with Edgar Cayce and psychic ideas, my New Age books, and my meditations into the Akashic field—and so I would have concluded that my wife was secretly reading my mind, or that she and what she said were mystically connected in some way—that she “knew something.” My psychic experiences in the past would have then overlapped with my wife knowing something psychically, mystically, and symbolically, and also with synchronicity—creating a deep and personal meaning. Add to that the paranoia that comes from her “reading my mind”—that she is therefore “God” because she knows I'm planning on recording my podcast today, even though I haven't told her. The terrifying belief is now engrained, as we are to begin with often more sensitive to the world as a whole—even being touched on the hand or the ear can create extreme fear for us schizophrenics. The belief that “she knew I was going to record a podcast today.” Synchronicity may have a little or some scientific evidence, at least theoretically. However, there are things that we cannot prove through science, such as the definition of time—or even God. In a state of schizophrenic psychosis, this overlap becomes compounded, as it builds up more intensely and thus perhaps takes over our entire belief system. Perhaps there is a coherent way of explaining how we schizophrenics might create our own reality, our delusional or schizophrenic reality, as I see it, through some of the things I have laid out so far—please bear with me here. I'll speak for myself, and my own experiences, although the end result is now something I can talk about and demystify rather than actually believe—thanks to the proper treatment, therapies, and support I now receive. I'll first start with a collection of thoughts. Theoretically, let's say, for real: • In 2008, I made a film called On the Bus about mental illness—it was part of the story in the film. • Mel Gibson (an old friend from California)—he and I were first introduced to each other in 2001. • I listened to The Beach Boys. We'll assume that the music was playing in the car with Mel as we went for a drive, as we did up in the hills of Malibu. • Mel Gibson is rich and famous. Whether in a state of schizophrenic psychosis or not, since this seems to be a matter of degree—depending on how psychotic we might or might not be and how much the psychotic part of our minds has taken hold. This is a matter of our abilities and the constantly fluctuating brain chemistry that we might—or perhaps might not—be able to filter through. It depends on whether we have been successful in redefining our delusional realities to a generally consistent state of well-being and peace of mind. In a psychotic state, due to our hallucinatory thinking, the chemistry in my brain, our brains, is constantly misfiring, so that the stimuli from the environment go to the wrong places in our brains. The effect is similar to putting our hand under cold water and feeling hot. Essentially, though, with this schizophrenic thinking process, I would come up with a “composite sketch,” if you will, a sort of “Frankenstein” version—a storyline that might be experienced as: • I knew Mel Gibson, and therefore I am famous. (Based on: Mel Gibson is famous and is rich.) • Then—but at the same time—I am rich because I made a movie called Ten Years, and I am convinced it made me rich because Mel Gibson is rich, and I am famous because I made my movie, it won awards, and Mel Gibson did, too. I must have met Mel Gibson because I made a movie, and he did, too, and we are both rich and famous. So far—this might not be the best example, but time can thus be altered—2008 is coming before 2003 in this case. This might be a little hard to follow, but please bear with me here.If I were asked to explain this while still psychotic, I'd say first that I am not mentally ill—I am simply psychic, rich, and famous. Besides, the Beach Boys were playing, and one of the Beach Boys has a mental illness, not me, but my film was about mental illness. Brian Wilson is still rich and famous, and also an artist, so he was playing on the radio because both Mel and I were both artists and it was “meant to be” that he would be playing music for us because we were all connected through art, fame, and money. Exhausting, isn't it? But this is actually how jumbled it can be for us and thus for those witnessing us speaking or even communicating in general terms. It's schizophrenia. Let's assume that we got pulled over for speeding. Well, there is a police officer character in On the Bus, my movie. You see, grandiosity, both real and imagined, content, time inconsistencies, and now this character was in the movie, so, because we were all in the car, we were in the movie while in the car, so the police officer was playing her role—it all happened for a reason. And beyond that, paranoia might also slip in—the officer who pulled us over was male (not female), and in my movie she was female, so she was disguising herself in order to take our money and meet three famous people (even Brian Wilson on the radio). Theoretically, this might suffice as a pseudo-case study, and yet in normal reality, for us schizophrenics, this type or process of thinking compounds itself and thus it can become completely distorted. Our friends and families start to think we're going crazy (although in a way we are), and stigma arises, plus confusion and thinking, “What the heck happened to this guy—he's speaking like a drug addict who's lost his mind. Where is all this coming from?” We would all benefit from greater awareness of what schizophrenia is and how to know if someone we love might be predisposed to the illness (through family history, etc.). But this is what we with schizophrenia usually experience early on, as the illness is progressing—we believe this thinking based on other facts—facts which are disconnected, something we cannot see without appropriate help. Later, yes, we can have this type of thinking while recovered or recovering, but we are able, hopefully, to be mindful enough to have such thinking but to cope with it differently, and even, down the road, to do our own “reality checks,” so that we do not not talk about these things inappropriately, in public, let's say. We can also use the hallmark of CBT, which is “evidence”, on our own in order to connect the disconnected parts of our thoughts—thus our reality. We can also do this with the support of loved ones, family, doctors, medications, friends, and support groups who help us and love us enough to be able to assist us in connecting the right pieces together and who explain why they connect—the reasons why. To wrap this up for now, I have not even mentioned the hearing of voices and hallucinations—everything from shadows to people, even friends—and the hidden, traumatic, and paranoid features of schizophrenia of which we are often too afraid to speak. We might sound or behave cryptically, in code, with pressured speech and flight of ideas. Add to this the “zombie-like” features, the manic episodes, the muscle dystonia, and the side effects of medication, and if we have turned to drugs, often just one hit of pot to quell the symptoms—yikes! We're often too embarrassed to speak of our early experiences with schizophrenia, to say that, “Yes, indeed, this is an extremely devastating and debilitating illness.” I am so glad that I am at a place in my recovery. I do have my bad days. I haven't even slept during the last day—insomnia (technically, another symptom), but I am glad that I have been to this intoxicating wonderland and come back—just enough to be able to deliver this kind of explanation, perhaps demystifying in a way that others can understand some of these processes that affect about 1% of the world's population. Schizoaffective disorder, then, includes manic highs and periods of deep depression. My Tourette's syndrome features the obvious muscle tics but also obsessive/compulsive tendencies and elements of autism or Asperger's (often referred to as higher functioning form autism—in summary, but it is, of course, much more than that). We all have our issues. It's how we deal with them that sets us apart. As always, my journey continues, on and on. Yes, you could say I've been through the wringer. I am opening up and sharing my world and my experiences—with hope. Participation in my own recovery, along with metacognition (usually in deficit for those with schizophrenia) and mindfulness, have all helped me become who I am today: an accomplished writer (literature and film/TV) and technically a professional author of erotic fiction. I often laugh at this because there are so many sides of me—the “angel demon human dichotomy”—as I use various outlets to express my creativity. I have an education primarily in the arts, but I worked on Wall Street in my “healthier” days, so I know a bit about that! However, I ultimately chose to do what I am doing now—which is just this. I am also a film producer and a musician. My new full 15-track LP will be arriving at over 60 retailers in the coming weeks, possibly under the band name Waspy Honk Afro. All my work is also available for free and will always be free, as far as I know. My thoughts are free—my public life, the “open source” information-life of J.H. I've lived in New York, Connecticut, Paris France, Los Angeles, and now New Mexico; I am now married and I write a diary and podcast mostly about mental illness, inspiration, New Age ideas, and transgressive material—transgressional fiction. [If you've seen or read Fight Club—it's pretty much like that!]I am, myself, an expert on my own experiences and myself; that's about all I'm an expert on. I am not a doctor of any kind. I enjoy learning, reading, and communicating. Whatever I say or write, I like to add: “take what you will, leave the rest.” I try my best to speak for myself when it comes down to it. Please take note that some of the above writing has been paraphrased from my second novel, Second Alibi: The Banality of Life (2014).
The point of this series is to start a conversation about how those of us diagnosed with psychotic disorders get people to believe our truths. After all, once you've been diagnosed as being psychotic, your credibility is never the same, even when you're speaking the truth. I have a podcast on iTunes in which I reveal a lot about myself, and lately I've noticed how much these podcasts have been teaching me about myself and what I've lost. This illness has taken a great deal from me, including my ability to gain recognition for my accomplishments. So, what I'd like to do here is recognize some of these accomplishments, knowing that had my life been different, they could have been acknowledged in a more public arena. Knowing, too, that, because I have schizoaffective disorder that is characterized by delusional thinking, hallucinations, and mood fluctuations, even when I speak the truth, I am often dismissed and not believed, with my truths described as mere delusions. I want to acknowledge my accomplishments not only for myself but also for all you out there. Those of you who may or may not already be diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or any other serious mental condition, whose truths, like mine, are so frequently dismissed as delusions. It upsets me even to write this, to realize that those around me can—and do—categorize what I say as delusional, and I wonder if that also happens to you. I'd like to begin by briefly mentioning that I was diagnosed with Tourette's at the age of 12, although, according to my mother, I had shown symptoms since I was two. I sometimes wonder whether I was even then showing signs of the psychosis that has plagued me for my entire adult life. I was 18 when I had my first psychotic episode. It was Christmas Day, 1994. I was living in New York City and was admitted to Beth Israel, where I was given a number of tests—medical and psychological. My toxicology report came up 100% clean, a clear indication that my psychosis was not drug-induced. My intake report by the ER doctor shows that I had a “loosening of association” and “pressured speech,” both of which can indicate schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, or bipolar disorder with psychotic features. No wonder it took so long for me to get the right diagnosis; so many of the symptoms overlap. However, I want to bring this back to delusion and truth, and how people so frequently label your truths as delusional as soon as you've been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder. I will also discuss my condition's genesis and prognosis—and then move onto those accomplishments for which I've never been truly recognized. I often wonder if other people, like me, have trouble being believed. As I may have mentioned already, serious mental illness, such as schizoaffective disorder, is believed to be caused first by a genetic predisposition to develop mental illness and second by environmental factors. In my family, I have a grandfather who seems to have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, according to old medical records that I recently found. In addition, I have two second cousins, both of whom have been publicly diagnosed with mental illness. So, I would definitely seem to be genetically predisposed to becoming mentally ill. However, having this predisposition isn't enough. You also need certain environmental factors. What I've read in some of the literature is that mental illness can be compared to diabetes. A person may be genetically predisposed to develop diabetes, but if that person gets enough exercise and watches their sugar intake, then the diabetes may never take hold—it's the same with mental illness. In my case, I had the predisposition, but I also underwent enough traumas (sexual, physical, and emotional abuse) and upheavals (such as my parents' divorce when I was young) for the illness to take hold. Boy, did it take hold. Sometimes, though, people like my sister, who has a genetic predisposition plus environmental factors (my sister comes from the same family and has had the same kind of upheavals), do not become mentally ill. Nobody knows why. Maybe, as my wife says, it's just the luck of the draw. She's kidding. At least about the luck part, because having mental illness isn't lucky, although we do have to keep laughing about it. Keep positive. You're never alone if you can laugh with someone about it. As I've mentioned, I have schizoaffective disorder. Originally, though, I was diagnosed with depression. That was back in 1994, when I was 18. Over the next 10 years or so, I saw doctor after doctor, moving here and there, trying to find my place in the world. I made seven suicide attempts and had years of alcohol and drug abuse issues. My last suicide attempt was in 2001, and I was freed from my drug and alcohol addictions in early 2003. More than 11 years ago. As I was getting off the drugs, I saw a doctor who diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder, which basically means schizophrenia with a mood disorder thrown in, and, in my case, that mood disorder is bipolar with manic features. However, in 2005 and 2006 I saw a doctor who said that I did not have schizoaffective disorder. Instead, I had a personality disorder. The point is that getting the right diagnosis can be time-consuming and frustrating, but it is also necessary, as once I was “re- diagnosed” with schizoaffective disorder, I was able to get on the right medication. But that's a different story altogether. I'm focusing here on being diagnosed with any type of mental illness that includes psychotic features that then make it almost impossible for people around you to believe your truths. However, not only do I have the double whammy of a thought disorder coupled with a mood disorder, I also have Tourette's syndrome, which is considered severe since this usually tapers off in one's 20s but mine did not. I'm 39 now, so, along with the confusion I suffer and the mood fluctuations, I also tic and sometimes engage in coprolalia, which is involuntary swearing or yelling out racial epithets. Hard combination. Added to that mix, I also seem to have aspects of obsessive compulsive disorder—I have to keep my computer arranged ‘just so'; Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)—I frequently relive earlier traumas; attention deficit disorder—I can't focus on anything for any period of time; autism or Asperger's—like Temple Grandin, I may be smart, but I can't read social cues at all. Makes it difficult to hang out and just be “one of the guys.”My current psychiatrist, Dr. C, who—unlike others—never hesitated to diagnose me, saw me when I was at my worst. I was in the middle of a psychotic episode. I was in the process of a divorce (my wife and I have since reconciled), and I had no money, as my family had cut me off from my trust income. In the past, too many doctors had seen me when I did have money and was able to hire people to do what I could not—for example shopping, driving, and cleaning. Because these doctors saw me when I could hire people, they all considered me to be “too high functioning” to have any form of schizophrenia. As a result of being considered “high functioning,” I was diagnosed for years as having a personality disorder. Some doctors thought I had borderline personality disorder (BPD); others thought I had a personality disorder not otherwise specified (NOS). Let me tell you, having the right diagnosis has turned things around at last. I'm now on the right medication. My wife and caregivers understand the nature of the illness and know some excellent ways of dealing with it and with me. Although the illness will never go away, I do have hope that I'll continue to get the right treatment and that my life will continue to get better. Now, the big one: What do you do when people assume your truths are delusions? Let's start with just a little bit more background. At the last count, I have had approximately 30 rehab stints and/or hospitalizations. That's a lot. When you're hospitalized, especially involuntarily, people tend to dismiss everything you say as a symptom of your illness. I understand that, but I don't like it, because it's hard when people don't believe you. A couple of examples. I moved to Los Angeles in January 2001 because I wanted to be a Hollywood screenwriter. I was two days shy of my 25th birthday. I was a go-getter back then, a social butterfly, and found it easy to introduce myself to just about anyone. As a result, I met Joanna Cassidy, Dick Van Dyke, Robert Downey Jr., Mel Gibson, and others. Then, as my drug and alcohol use spiraled out of control, I got myself into rehab. Since I had access to my trust fund, I could afford the rehab facilities where “celebrities” went, places such as Promises in Malibu. In these places, I met movie producers, writers, actors, musicians, and kids of celebrities. The point is, I met all these people, and some of them I befriended. Because so many of the rehab facilities didn't help me stay off drugs and alcohol, a friend and I started our own facility, Wavelengths, which also catered to celebrities. Wavelengths took a more proactive approach to getting people off drugs and alcohol. If you ever saw the show The Cleaner, you'll have a better idea of what I mean by “proactive.” In fact, that show was based on the friend with whom I started Wavelengths, and, although I was never credited, I was the co-creator of the show. But now, when I tell people about The Cleaner or knowing Chuck Lorre, Robert Downey Jr., or Mel Gibson, they smile blankly, nod their head, and dismiss what I say as a delusion. That's maddening—if you'll pardon the pun. Another example. In the summer of 2010, I checked myself into a facility in Colorado so I could get on the right meds and try to get myself re-stabilized. As I was being admitted as a patient with schizoaffective disorder, which is characterized by a thought disorder, including delusions, both my wife and my doctor spoke with the facility before I was admitted so that the doctors and social workers would know I wasn't delusional about the people I knew. My wife and doctor also let the facility know about my financial background, because I don't always look “rich.” Lately, I like to dress in t-shirts and pajama bottoms. I like to keep my hair permed and wild, and I like to wear a beard. As a result, sometimes when I'm admitted, the staff person will write that I'm a little unkempt, and when I then start talking about the money I'm worth, the same staff person will flash a little, tight smile as if to say: “Of course, you are. And I have a Swiss bank account.” Those staff people don't always know that I can “tell” what they're thinking—I can see it on their faces—, and they feel free to openly doubt my truth. More on “delusions.” The reason I write is to share my story, and sometimes—I've got to admit—it's hard knowing that a lot of people may not believe me. I bring this up because I'm sure that those of you who read what I write must have as complicated a story as mine. I am just spelling out some things—kind of “straight-from-the-heart” sharing with you all. My family, as I've mentioned, is rich and powerful. Maybe your family is not rich or powerful, but still I think you'll understand. Their money and their power helped make me who I am, just as your parents helped make you who you are. I'm not attacking anyone. I am simply telling the story of my life. I have earned the right to do that. Come to think of it, though, maybe I never did have to “earn the right” to tell the story of my life. People have a right to their own stories and to tell these stories in their own voice, not anybody else's. This is my time. My story. Not my family's. And I owe it to you to share a taste of the complexity of my life, so you'll understand the complexity of your own. So, yes, my family is rich and powerful. That is not a delusion. You can look them up yourself. They are public people. Sometimes I think that because they are public people, they have had a hard time accepting me for who I am. I know they have had a hard time accepting my diagnosis. And, really, I am not attacking them. Maybe they can't accept my diagnosis because they think it will reflect badly on them. I haven't talked to my family in a few years. I wish I felt sad about that, but I can't. My family doesn't love me. Sometimes I think they might even hate me, because they cut off my money and they cut off contact with me. But I'm getting sidetracked—what my wife calls “going off on a tangent.” So I'll stop. One area that has always been hard and that created a lot of misunderstanding in my family is my diagnosis. No one has ever accepted that I had the wrong diagnosis for years and that getting the right diagnosis has helped me move forward. Not that a diagnosis makes the illness easy, and, in many respects, a diagnosis is nothing but a label. However, with the right diagnosis (or label), you can get the right medication, the right therapy, and people—like caregivers—who know how to deal with you. The right diagnosis is a starting point that means you can read about whatever “label” you have been tagged with—or might need to be tagged with. In my case, I was “tagged with” BPD for years. On the one hand, that wasn't such a bad diagnosis, because people wouldn't then label me as being delusional. On the other hand, when people thought I had BPD, they accused me of lying, which brings me back to my family. In the past, my family has told me to “snap out of it” and to “get my act together”—that I would then be “fine.” You can't “snap out” of schizophrenia. You may get the symptoms under control, and you may even, like John Nash, seem to recover from the disorder, but you don't—and can't—“snap out of it.” My family, believing that I was capable of getting my act together, created a lot of tension between us. I use the past tense here because I don't know if they now believe my diagnosis. As I've mentioned, we've had no contact since January 2010, so I don't know what they believe. In January of that year, my family cut me off and stripped me of any help. I had no gardeners and no driver (I no longer drive). I had nothing. Based on what they wrote to me at the time, they seemed to think that they should provide a little “tough love” (like you see on Intervention) and that I would then agree to get better. I was never not agreeing to get better. Believe me, it's no fun having schizoaffective disorder. If your family or loved ones already believe your diagnosis, you are that much farther ahead because, if they believe the diagnosis, they can help. I'm taking my own advice today and staying positive. I think of all I have lost, and I can get very depressed. At one time, I had editors, housekeepers, free travel, a huge inheritance, my trust funds, and lavish cars. I've been to the best schools in the country. I had public-figure parents and several celebrities in my extended family, some of whom had actually, quite publicly, been diagnosed with mental illnesses. When I compare what I once had to what I now have, I can get depressed. I focus on the past and fail to appreciate the present. Taking my own advice to stay positive, I have three dogs, seven cats, and one bird. Now, some people might not think having so many animals is so positive, but I like walking through the house and every time being followed by at least one of them. My animals are one positive. Another positive. I no longer have diabetes. I have lost so much weight that my blood sugar is normal. I still take one of the diabetic meds because it can prevent diabetes—and also because my other meds can cause diabetes. But I am healthier than I was. No diabetes is another positive. My wife is the third positive. We reconciled two years ago, and so far we are working things out and trying to help each other. My work is the fourth positive. The schizoaffective disorder has really affected my thinking and my emotions, but it hasn't touched my creativity. I podcast, I write a journal, and I make music and movies. I have even sold a couple of songs on iTunes. My memories are the fifth and final positive for today. Although my father and I had a falling out in 2009, that's his issue. He and I have had great, absolutely fantastic, times together, and I treasure the memories. When I focus only on these memories, I can stay positive. For many reasons, I have had quite a few psychiatrists over the years. My current doctor—whom I call Dr. C—is the one that most recently diagnosed me as having schizoaffective disorder. When I went to see her the second or third time, I brought along five bookshelves' worth of my journals. My diaries. All my written documentation of madness—the faxes and emails that proved that 1,000 hours of film that I had shot had been stolen. That's it. I can't do anything about it. I have proof of a software development proposal I made when I was 15. I received a scholarship to business school, honors, and recognition. I was like John Nash except I was proposing software, not math. What I proposed would have been the first online shopping interface. But it got taken away, like everything. I have the proof, the actual documents. Real. These truths are mine. And I have schizophrenia, and I even have delusions, but I know, and my wife knows, and my close friends know, that these truths are real—not delusions. I spent three years of my life developing a show for A&E Television. I have the proof. I save everything. Faxes to the producers. My point is that I have lived an incredible life and often, all too often, facts become so-called delusions to others, especially to those others who actually count, like medical professionals. And it matters to me. All of this really matters to me. It means something very special to me because it is about me. It is from my perspective and only my perspective—the only perspective I know for sure. It's part of my story, or, as some might consider it, the “myth of that stupid Jonathan kid.” I know who I am. And I think I know who my friends are. I know that I am a legitimate, loving, grateful and spiritual human being who deserves to be loved and accepted and who deserves to make decisions, to make mistakes, and to be forgiven—to be myself. The real me. The Jonathan Harnisch who is not alone—who is loved. The Jonathan whose moods and behaviors might be a bit difficult to predict. A guy. A citizen, with schizophrenia and a full spectrum of mental maladies, who believes in some kind of higher power—who believes in himself. Who tries, tries, and tries—who never gives up on, or even thinks of giving up on, resilience. Who struggles every single day as an adult that is still being abused. Who has been abandoned and treated like waste—a mistake. Who is manipulated. Jonathan Harnisch. A teacher and a student. A rich kid who used to ride up front with his limousine driver. Who used to be a real asshole, often due to his drinking and drugging—and to his mimicking what he saw growing up among people who should have acted better but who just didn't know how to protect him. I have been in therapy since I was 9, and from the age of 12 I was “put away” on far too many medications, some of which I am still physically addicted to, some of which caused me to gain weight and to develop tardive dyskinesia (chronic muscle stiffness), and some of which I was actually allergic to, causing me to rage and even increasing my tendency to drink alcohol. I chose what I did, regardless what the literature suggests or what certain medical studies indicate. I am who I am, and I have my own story—my own version of my own story. It changes and adjusts on a constant basis. I've been closed up for so long. I am opening up. I am not being inappropriate. I don't need to be judged. But I will be judged. I don't need to worry about what others think of me. But I actually do care what other people think of me. I can't control other people. Come to think of it, I can't control what thoughts come into my head, just as I can't control which ones leave. So how can I control other people or their thoughts? How can anybody control the galaxy? How about the billions upon billions of existing galaxies or the billions of galaxies that have not yet even been discovered? That is what we are living with—within. Even Jesus experienced the full gamut of the human emotion spectrum, having been so-called spirit in human form. He was killed for that, for being who he was—for being honest and sincere, and, essentially, for being real. His life was far from easy. The most enlightened beings in the history of mankind—Buddha, Jesus, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Krishna, and the Dalai Lama—have struggled and suffered every single day of their lives. And they too, in a way, live within us all. I want to let you know that you are not alone. You will never, ever be alone. I am excited and determined to come to you, who are seeking . . . seeking something. Maybe you're just reading as you sit there at work, or maybe you're my family, checking to see how I am, if I'm “misbehaving.” What I am is a disabled and, yes, a very troubled adult. But I am allowed to share my story. My life. I am safe. Now, I laugh now when I say this, but my wife is 24 years older than I am. And if and when she passes away before I do, or for any reason leaves me (I doubt she will—we seem to be doing very well together), I worry that I will be forced into a psychiatric institution back east, back near my family, when we don't even talk. I worry that it's inevitable. I guess, in conclusion, my life is full of grandiosity. But I still have schizophrenia, and I still have people who seem to have a need to control me and yet want nothing to do with me. This fascinates me. Why do they still want that much to do with me? Somebody who happens to also be a staff writer for a local news magazine independently wrote the following about me, which I have included on my website. It makes me feel so good. See! Things can change.Envision a blend of a mentally ill mind with unsurpassed resiliency and fiery intellect and your result would be the brilliant Jonathan Harnisch. An all-around artist, Jonathan writes fiction and screenplays, sketches, imagines, and creates. His most recent artistic endeavor is developing music, a newfound passion with visible and of course audible results already in the making. Produced filmmaker and published erotica author, Jonathan holds myriad accolades, and his works captivate the attention of those who experience it. Manic-toned scripts with parallel lives, masochistic tendencies in sexual escapades, and disturbing clarities embellished with addiction, fetish, lust, and love, are just a taste of themes found in Jonathan's transgressive literature. Conversely, his award-winning films capture the ironies of life, love, self-acceptance, tragedy, and fantasy. Jonathan's art evokes laughter and shock, elation and sadness, but overall forces you to step back and question your own version of reality. Scripts, screenplays, and schizophrenia are defining factors of Jonathan's life and reality—but surface labels are often incomplete. Jonathan is diagnosed with several mental illnesses from schizoaffective disorder to Tourette's syndrome; playfully, he dubs himself the “King of Mental Illness.” Despite daily symptomatic struggles and thoughts, Jonathan radiates an authentic, effervescent, and loving spirit. His resiliency emanates from the greatest lesson he's learned: laughter. His diagnoses and life experiences encourage him to laugh at reality as others see it. Wildly eccentric, open-minded, passionate, and driven, Jonathan has a feral imagination. His inherent traits transpose to his art, making his works some of the most original and thought provoking of modern day. Jonathan is an alumnus of Choate Rosemary Hall. Subsequently, he attended NYU's Tisch School of the Arts where he studied film production and screenwriting under Gary Winick and David Irving. During his studies at NYU, he held internships under renowned producers Steven Haft and Ismail Merchant. He is best known for his short films, On the Bus and Wax, both of which boast countless awards including five Indie Film Awards, three Accolade Awards, and Ten Years won, which won the Best Short Film and Audience Award in the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival, to name a few. Despite his impressive formal education and awarded honors, Jonathan is your normal, down-to-earth guy. Meditation, Duran Duran, vivid colors, Patrick Nagel prints, and rearranging furniture are some of his favorite things. Vices include cigarettes, Diet Coke, inappropriate swearing, and sausage and green chili pizza. He enjoys irony, planned spontaneity, redefining himself, and change. Jonathan lives with his beautiful wife, their three dogs and seven cats, in the unique, desert village of Corrales, New Mexico. What follows gives a glimpse into how I have been putting together some of the pieces of the otherwise “shattered stained glass” of schizophrenia, as I see it—from what I have read and heard and just . . . believe. My psychiatrist has often asked me to describe or explain my symptoms, and thus schizophrenia, and I usually do not know how to do so. I simply reply that it is all “indescribable.” Since then, I have been looking deeper into myself so that I am able, at minimum, to summarize at least a few of my experiences, past and present, in order to share with you too some of the complexity—demystified. I'd like to share some of my discoveries, as I find them, concerning my experiences, false perceptions, and schizophrenic psychosis. Hopefully, I'll succeed in maintaining simplicity so that others can benefit and perhaps understand this otherwise extremely complex disorder. I have come to realize that thanks to my own self, my lovely wife (whom I've known for over six years now), my support team (medical doctors and friends), and even those who might be considered my enemies, I have been helped along the path to self-actualization and thus to self-understanding—to where I find myself today. I've been able to find some meaning in schizophrenia, which helps me redefine how I see myself and how the symptoms of schizophrenia came to be—so that I can describe these without simply dismissing them as “indescribable.” Please forgive any terminology I might use incorrectly, as I am not a doctor. Also, I do have schizophrenia, so although I have stabilized (recovered, not been cured), I must still admit that I might get it wrong sometimes. We schizophrenics, through our psychosis—our delusions, our hallucinations, or reality—create or develop a story, a storyline. What is real has many universal implications. Many are extremely personal, symbolic, and moral. As we build the framework of our delusional reality, which tends to fade in and fade out, as with dreaming, it can all become very mystical. Our realities, which we may not have had all our lives, can become delusional for mystical and magical reasons. This might be why, for example, when we are psychotic, the television seems to talk to us, or we might see and know Jesus—again, for reasons of a mystical or even religious nature. It becomes difficult for us then to realize that it is not necessarily real. The further and further we are or are not drawn deeper into a full blown psychosis—it's just baffling, to say the least—the more it is complex and disorganized. Yet we might believe wholeheartedly that our delusions are real and based on facts—facts that are not correct to others without the illness. Many episodes, thoughts, and experiences combine, thus building up a storyline, which then becomes more intense and even fascinating and seductive, with more and more meaning as the delusional realities or events go on—as our lives go on. The meanings become “hidden” or disguised—our realities, in a way, hidden. This illness can thus become very isolating because we have a whole different belief system about the entire world, especially when we are in a major psychotic episode. It can take years and years to arrive at this fully agitated state, but that is often how we schizophrenics will end up being diagnosed, just as an alcoholic usually “needs” to bottom out completely before getting help. Through our perceptions, which change over time, we develop a new way of thinking that becomes very hard for us to disengage from. It is exactly like being on a constant, continuous LSD trip, every single day. This is the bottom line, and, for me, this “acid trip” never stops, even when recover. It is a matter of training and re-training our minds, through therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), medications, treatments, and also a lot of training—mental training, which I certainly do on my own, especially when not in a session with my doctor. I'm always checking things over and “reality checking.” I also find it very helpful to have a friend or loved one do what I call “mediating my reality.” I can, for example, ask my wife, who loves me deeply, to see if something is or is not what or how I might be perceiving it to be—from her there is perspective without the illness. There is an element of us losing what is called object permanence or object consistency—as my doctor in California once told me. The famous child psychologist Piaget discovered that, at a very young age, infants will forget about a toy they have been playing with if it disappears from their vision: for example, if a ball rolls out of sight or someone puts it underneath a blanket. At a certain age, that child will begin to look for that missing toy, and, finding it under the blanket, realize that it was in fact there the whole time. It was always there. Before that it had, to the infant, mystically gone away—disappeared from the world entirely. That's what I mean by mystical reasons, because we lose this object permanence, as after all, this could be a sensation rather than the fundamental reality one would have perhaps thought. We see this mysticism in most of our experiences and, yes, it fades in and out, but we basically feel that things, in general, will usually happen for mystical reasons. This becomes a part of our belief system, which is pretty hard to change. Enter the double bind, as, when object permanence is out of the picture, we can be caught in a contradiction, or a series of contradictions, due to cultural or moral, as well as both personal and universal, reasons. We might, for example, in place of object permanence, experience a “multiple realities” effect, as if we were in several dimensions at one time—several realities. Based on how we grew up, at any given time a reality may slip into our mindset, and so, for example, we might behave like a racist even though our best friend is African American. It doesn't “make sense.” During my last psychotic episode early in 2010, I collected, and even wore, Nazi memorabilia, and yet I am both half Jewish, on my mother's side, and handicapped. I also behaved as if I was a racist, even though my best friend was, and is, African American. We might want to save the world from global warming; however, in doing so we might pollute it and drive gasoline cars, on purpose, in order to save this world. Grandiosity, extreme thinking, and thus extreme behavior—with realities slipping in and out—are only a part of what baffles science and medicine. Different realities slipping in, overlapping, and combining make for an extremely difficult scenario to treat and understand from a scientific perspective. We will often think poetically, as well as symbolically and metaphorically. Poetic thinking can take over, and thus our symbolic and deep personal feelings are a huge part of how we schizophrenics think and reason. We might hallucinate about Jesus for a seemingly concrete reason, a very special reason. When helping someone with schizophrenia, a good start is to consider that he or she thinks mostly through concepts of mysticism—the idea that everything happens for a deep reason, that everything has a very special meaning, and that everything is synchronistic. A schizophrenic is often a very traumatized and sensitive person, much more so than your average Joe, living in a brutal world. That's where the help—the recovery—really starts to take place and healing begins. We schizophrenics must learn, through counseling, to understand ourselves and participate in therapy, to sort through our delusional thinking, and, often with help, to get back as much of our accurate intuition as possible, to take our medicine, and to have love and understanding in our lives. In this way, we might be able to reveal our secrets to someone we can trust, our secrets of trauma, day in and day out—and to do our best, resolving as much inner conflict as we can. Peace of mind is what we all want and need. It is my number one goal in life and has always been. It is what we all deserve. Developing a new identity through our recovery is key in many ways—finding our voice so that we can be heard and sorting through our mysticism and religious or spiritual experiences and observations of reality. It's a matter of finding those people we can trust, as I said, to help us define or redefine our reality. I have that these days, especially through my wife and my doctors. I live with gratitude. Just like diabetes, schizophrenia simply does not go away—not yet—for any of us. It's always there in the background. The “lifelong acid trip”. But, with respect to delusions specifically, I have also had delusions that weren't real. And I wanted to start with why and how we tend to cling to delusional thinking and thus why I perhaps cling not necessarily to a delusion but to this kind of thinking. It is “dimensional” for me. It is a grieving process for me. I am referring to missing my old Hollywood lifestyle—the content involved with that lifestyle of the rich and famous and the grandiose nature of the thinking itself. The celebrities I befriended when I lived and worked in Los Angeles, for example. During the onset period of schizophrenia, delusions, and perceptions, we often begin with smaller-scale hallucinations. There is a root that is actually rational, wrapped inside a delusional outer layer. I think we can actually reach the schizophrenic while that individual is in a completely psychotic state—which often our doctors, caregivers, and loved ones fail to do—by understanding that everything the psychotic schizophrenic individual thinks is done in a synchronistic way. It all starts with object permanence—that we have lost this and that the one reality we once believed in has been replaced as a result of thoughts and events in our lives. A flow of realities, of things appearing and disappearing at the same time—not just the simple ball under the blanket, as the rules of both time and place come into effect here: The time is now, and the place is grounded right here on earth. Let's call it an earth belief or thought. These thoughts and beliefs can, through the “schizophrenic lens,” basically occur at the same time. This waking dream, this constant LSD trip, this real-life synchronicity (Carl Jung first coined the term “synchronicity”), and this more fluid mindset. If we are to think at the core of a schizophrenic in order to reach him or her, this means thinking synchronistically. If we are not stable enough or properly medicated, our dreams can actually become part of the same reality as reality itself. For example, my wife once asked me, “Jonathan, are you going to be recording an episode for your podcast today?” I had been planning on doing so, but I had not yet told my wife. I simply said, “Oh yes, I was actually thinking about it. It's been a while since the last one.” Now, if I were in a more psychotic state, I might have (or, rather, the delusional process might have) started with my real-life fascination with Edgar Cayce and psychic ideas, my New Age books, and my meditations into the Akashic field—and so I would have concluded that my wife was secretly reading my mind, or that she and what she said were mystically connected in some way—that she “knew something.” My psychic experiences in the past would have then overlapped with my wife knowing something psychically, mystically, and symbolically, and also with synchronicity—creating a deep and personal meaning. Add to that the paranoia that comes from her “reading my mind”—that she is therefore “God” because she knows I'm planning on recording my podcast today, even though I haven't told her. The terrifying belief is now engrained, as we are to begin with often more sensitive to the world as a whole—even being touched on the hand or the ear can create extreme fear for us schizophrenics. The belief that “she knew I was going to record a podcast today.” Synchronicity may have a little or some scientific evidence, at least theoretically. However, there are things that we cannot prove through science, such as the definition of time—or even God. In a state of schizophrenic psychosis, this overlap becomes compounded, as it builds up more intensely and thus perhaps takes over our entire belief system. Perhaps there is a coherent way of explaining how we schizophrenics might create our own reality, our delusional or schizophrenic reality, as I see it, through some of the things I have laid out so far—please bear with me here. I'll speak for myself, and my own experiences, although the end result is now something I can talk about and demystify rather than actually believe—thanks to the proper treatment, therapies, and support I now receive. I'll first start with a collection of thoughts. Theoretically, let's say, for real: • In 2008, I made a film called On the Bus about mental illness—it was part of the story in the film. • Mel Gibson (an old friend from California)—he and I were first introduced to each other in 2001. • I listened to The Beach Boys. We'll assume that the music was playing in the car with Mel as we went for a drive, as we did up in the hills of Malibu. • Mel Gibson is rich and famous. Whether in a state of schizophrenic psychosis or not, since this seems to be a matter of degree—depending on how psychotic we might or might not be and how much the psychotic part of our minds has taken hold. This is a matter of our abilities and the constantly fluctuating brain chemistry that we might—or perhaps might not—be able to filter through. It depends on whether we have been successful in redefining our delusional realities to a generally consistent state of well-being and peace of mind. In a psychotic state, due to our hallucinatory thinking, the chemistry in my brain, our brains, is constantly misfiring, so that the stimuli from the environment go to the wrong places in our brains. The effect is similar to putting our hand under cold water and feeling hot. Essentially, though, with this schizophrenic thinking process, I would come up with a “composite sketch,” if you will, a sort of “Frankenstein” version—a storyline that might be experienced as: • I knew Mel Gibson, and therefore I am famous. (Based on: Mel Gibson is famous and is rich.) • Then—but at the same time—I am rich because I made a movie called Ten Years, and I am convinced it made me rich because Mel Gibson is rich, and I am famous because I made my movie, it won awards, and Mel Gibson did, too. I must have met Mel Gibson because I made a movie, and he did, too, and we are both rich and famous. So far—this might not be the best example, but time can thus be altered—2008 is coming before 2003 in this case. This might be a little hard to follow, but please bear with me here.If I were asked to explain this while still psychotic, I'd say first that I am not mentally ill—I am simply psychic, rich, and famous. Besides, the Beach Boys were playing, and one of the Beach Boys has a mental illness, not me, but my film was about mental illness. Brian Wilson is still rich and famous, and also an artist, so he was playing on the radio because both Mel and I were both artists and it was “meant to be” that he would be playing music for us because we were all connected through art, fame, and money. Exhausting, isn't it? But this is actually how jumbled it can be for us and thus for those witnessing us speaking or even communicating in general terms. It's schizophrenia. Let's assume that we got pulled over for speeding. Well, there is a police officer character in On the Bus, my movie. You see, grandiosity, both real and imagined, content, time inconsistencies, and now this character was in the movie, so, because we were all in the car, we were in the movie while in the car, so the police officer was playing her role—it all happened for a reason. And beyond that, paranoia might also slip in—the officer who pulled us over was male (not female), and in my movie she was female, so she was disguising herself in order to take our money and meet three famous people (even Brian Wilson on the radio). Theoretically, this might suffice as a pseudo-case study, and yet in normal reality, for us schizophrenics, this type or process of thinking compounds itself and thus it can become completely distorted. Our friends and families start to think we're going crazy (although in a way we are), and stigma arises, plus confusion and thinking, “What the heck happened to this guy—he's speaking like a drug addict who's lost his mind. Where is all this coming from?” We would all benefit from greater awareness of what schizophrenia is and how to know if someone we love might be predisposed to the illness (through family history, etc.). But this is what we with schizophrenia usually experience early on, as the illness is progressing—we believe this thinking based on other facts—facts which are disconnected, something we cannot see without appropriate help. Later, yes, we can have this type of thinking while recovered or recovering, but we are able, hopefully, to be mindful enough to have such thinking but to cope with it differently, and even, down the road, to do our own “reality checks,” so that we do not not talk about these things inappropriately, in public, let's say. We can also use the hallmark of CBT, which is “evidence”, on our own in order to connect the disconnected parts of our thoughts—thus our reality. We can also do this with the support of loved ones, family, doctors, medications, friends, and support groups who help us and love us enough to be able to assist us in connecting the right pieces together and who explain why they connect—the reasons why. To wrap this up for now, I have not even mentioned the hearing of voices and hallucinations—everything from shadows to people, even friends—and the hidden, traumatic, and paranoid features of schizophrenia of which we are often too afraid to speak. We might sound or behave cryptically, in code, with pressured speech and flight of ideas. Add to this the “zombie-like” features, the manic episodes, the muscle dystonia, and the side effects of medication, and if we have turned to drugs, often just one hit of pot to quell the symptoms—yikes! We're often too embarrassed to speak of our early experiences with schizophrenia, to say that, “Yes, indeed, this is an extremely devastating and debilitating illness.” I am so glad that I am at a place in my recovery. I do have my bad days. I haven't even slept during the last day—insomnia (technically, another symptom), but I am glad that I have been to this intoxicating wonderland and come back—just enough to be able to deliver this kind of explanation, perhaps demystifying in a way that others can understand some of these processes that affect about 1% of the world's population. Schizoaffective disorder, then, includes manic highs and periods of deep depression. My Tourette's syndrome features the obvious muscle tics but also obsessive/compulsive tendencies and elements of autism or Asperger's (often referred to as higher functioning form autism—in summary, but it is, of course, much more than that). We all have our issues. It's how we deal with them that sets us apart. As always, my journey continues, on and on. Yes, you could say I've been through the wringer. I am opening up and sharing my world and my experiences—with hope. Participation in my own recovery, along with metacognition (usually in deficit for those with schizophrenia) and mindfulness, have all helped me become who I am today: an accomplished writer (literature and film/TV) and technically a professional author of erotic fiction. I often laugh at this because there are so many sides of me—the “angel demon human dichotomy”—as I use various outlets to express my creativity. I have an education primarily in the arts, but I worked on Wall Street in my “healthier” days, so I know a bit about that! However, I ultimately chose to do what I am doing now—which is just this. I am also a film producer and a musician. My new full 15-track LP will be arriving at over 60 retailers in the coming weeks, possibly under the band name Waspy Honk Afro. All my work is also available for free and will always be free, as far as I know. My thoughts are free—my public life, the “open source” information-life of J.H. I've lived in New York, Connecticut, Paris France, Los Angeles, and now New Mexico; I am now married and I write a diary and podcast mostly about mental illness, inspiration, New Age ideas, and transgressive material—transgressional fiction. [If you've seen or read Fight Club—it's pretty much like that!]I am, myself, an expert on my own experiences and myself; that's about all I'm an expert on. I am not a doctor of any kind. I enjoy learning, reading, and communicating. Whatever I say or write, I like to add: “take what you will, leave the rest.” I try my best to speak for myself when it comes down to it. Please take note that some of the above writing has been paraphrased from my second novel, Second Alibi: The Banality of Life (2014).
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