The Worst Movie Ever Made

Boy, oh boy… this week, we get into Timecut, A.K.A. Rob's “Rosebud.” This sci-fi slasher is a turd of the highest order, rife with time-travel inspired junk science, the worst kind of nostalgia baiting, and frequent trips to Olive Garden to let audiences know that Olive Garden is, in fact, a real restaurant that you can help shareholders earn money with if you get the chicken alfredo and cheesecake with extra strawberries. They must have eaten at Olive Garden, like, seven times! But wait, there's more! Trade-in teenager time travels to a tiny town's traumatic timeline of teen termination to tamper with today, trying to tweak timetables to turn around tomorrow! Trouser hams! Leaving out local law enforcement! Millennium Member Berry nostalgia mining! Fucking over future father by disappearing his other daughter! Butter Fingering time boxes! Too many Quinns! Prime sluts! Cavalier clutch fucking, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Hold up… it's still bad movie week isn't it? Then why in the name of John Woo's BUTTHOLE are we buring 90 minutes of sweet, sweet podcast runtime talking about Face/Off? 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, Chris. What the hell?! There's a lot to talk about because this movie is an insane time capsule that perfectly articulates the height of ‘90s action movie excess. It's illogical, but who cares? It's overacted in a way that's both operatic and absurd, but, also, who cares? Face/Off fucking rules, and I'm willing to die on this hill. I think Chris is too. Bob only sent us a complaint about the runtime in the group chat because he'd rather watch Quiz Show, so the Jury's still out on him. Time to yell!Dissimilar stubborn supposed studs swap sockets, skin, sneers, stubble, and sideburns so that the savior could stop sabotage while the sadist slays civil servants and shares the sheets for spousal snuggling! Snuffing a ciggie on sleeping Castor! Policeman's partner doesn't pick up on penis replacement! Non-consensual face removal! Dead child changeouts! Caucasian tan-line semantics! Castor Troy's ass-crumb trail! Fucking magnet prisons?! Chris peeing during the closing credits, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Last season, “Life On the Line” won the title of Worst Movie ™, and it's thanks to the star-studded collaboration between John Travolta and Devon Sawa working as linemen (LINEMEN!). This season, we bring Fred Durst into the mix (again, kinda) with The Fanatic; also starring John Travolta and Devon Sawa but they hardly do any line work at all! Let's fucking gooooo! A fan of a famous film fellow and a friendly female photographer focus on and follow folks for nefarious fulfillment! Chris and Rob's poo parallel! Nonsensical and infrequent narrator! Security suggesting strangulation is acceptable! Hobby shop host helps Moose hop halfway through the queue! Rob's embarrassing, deep-cut Limp Bizkit knowledge! Half-assed autism acting, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week we talk about John Carter! The movie that didn't have Jared Leto but so desperately wanted to (it would have sucked anyway). It seems like a copycat movie, but that's an anachronistic take once we get into the nitty gritty, so let's do it! Yelling! Giants, Deja, and Jeddaks join John on a Jihad, journeying to a juggernaut of jousting javelins, just so Johnny can jangle his jewel! Alien animal cruelty! Jumpin' John's abrupt abductions! Junk astronomy! Native American martians! White savior saving the savages? Baking out baby Barsoomians! Bald guys in disguise! The Jeddak of Helium? Bumbling and unbelievable worldbuilding! Roman soldiers with fur! Creatine beans, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Paul Bart: Mall Cop! Wow, what a movie! Here we go. Fat fella flunks a field test final, forcing the flabby fatso to fend off foes at a food court, flingin the fleshy full-figured fucker, fracturing fixtures and frontage. Preeminent pipe logic problems! Boomer humor for the lazy consumer! Poking fun at single parent passed on by pudgy expat! Porky pranks for the entire picture! Sandler's just-competent-enough Farley Surrogate? Bob's Pahud bazooka! Inconsistently crashing through glass, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we take over the HOV lane with Carpool; the family comedy that wants so badly to be edgy, but ultimately fails because it's trying to capture the minds and hearts of a younger audience. The end result is a movie that's got really great pacing and sense of cause and effect, but has just a little too much Tom Arnold for comfort. Here we go! Clingy carny criminal cajacks and kidnaps kids, is caught by a Karen cop, and continues to cut and run, causing chaos constantly! Child abduction breast reduction! Arnold almost always averts attention away from aiming automobile! PC police prevent piss-poor P.T. Barnum from profiting! Factory circus? Improper tube logic, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week, we take a bite out of Munchie; Gremlins' very own B-movie version of Mac and Me. This also marks our 200th episode. We celebrate by hitting rock bottom, and we plan to sink even lower in the coming weeks!Here we go! Double Doms on the pod! A garbage Gremlins and Ghoulies grift where Gage gallavants with a geezer, a girl, and a greasy grotesque gargoyle, getting even with grungry guys, his guardian's gullible gal pal, and a goon who's gatekeeping at a grade school! Detectives detain doctor who destroys doughnut shop! Family films firing squad! Muppet Megophilia! Main character/mustache man mother makeout staredown! A fridge with tits! Doug Funny daydreamin'! Greedy Gage getting granted gratuitously without gratitude, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

Baby Geniuses. We have nothing to say about this in the writeup aside from our yelling and alliterations. Total dogshit. What a bullshit way to start Season 22! Don't watch this movie. Listen to this episode though, it rules! Babies who are barely babies bewilder buffoon behaviorists, break out of the bio lab, only to break back in and bonk baby bashing bastards with a brawling baby bot. DeLuise's lug nuts! Pee-oopie bottoms baby bowel banter! Broad daylight duffle bagging! Big baby fat shaming and wishing Sheeva would rain wrath down on your friends! Stoller seduction! Breenish bullshit, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Good movie week, thank god! Though you could argue that last week's Y2K episode was an honorary good movie week because Rob said so. Anyhow, this week we're talking about Leon: The Professional. It's sentimental. It's action packed. And our titular character drinks SO. MUCH. MILK. Time to yell:A hermit hitman who's helpful and humble is hired by a hopeful half-pint to harm the hostile, heartless, and hypocritical henchmen who hurt her homeboy! “Damn he's good” trope done right! Sleeping seated! Rob fucks up the soundboard (again)! Sibling crime scene! Spot-on selection of cinema superstars! Little Shop of Horrors Homage? Eight subtle Manolos, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week we take a look at Y2K, the poignant historical fiction of our time that accurately encapsulates the fallout of our first robot uprising. We know this is the end of our “bad movie” season before doing a good movie next week, but we (read: Rob) will argue in this movie's favor for being such an explosive exploration of retro-futuristic tech, teen romance, and our lord and savior, Fred Durst. Did you think this movie sucked? Because we (read: Rob) thought QUITE THE OPPOSITE (fuck you, Chris). Let's get into the mayhem. A kinda cringey kid, a cute coder, and a completely cool kiwi combat killer computers who kill kids! Kilobyte catastrophe! The Member Berry grift! Machines have Matrix motives! Locality leaves a lot unlearned! Another episode echoing Eddie character's cranial cooking! Piss-mouth pal goes public! Chris gives himself too much credit! Throbby Robby's ironic layers of abstraction! 10,000 maniacs getting twisted, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we put our lives on the line while reviewing Life on the Line; a movie about life on the line, where the line between the life off the line and the life off the line is constantly on the line… for life. That's a really convoluted way to say a whole bunch of nothing, which is fitting for a movie of this caliber. Yelling: Linemen labor on the line living lives within a lethal landscape, and lap up lots of liquor living with a looming liver loss liability! Hymens busted by linemen! Bob's jizz bucket redemption arc! Beyond bullshit buildup! Poor and exploitative portrayal of PTSD! Duncan's diner diamond dash! Pre wifey wham-bamming ham slamming! Bad boy's rapey Bailey boner, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we get into Universal Soldier. Is it an action comedy, or a comedy with action? How long does it take for Jean-Claude Van Damme to expose his perfectly chiseled ass? Is this basically a Terminator knockoff? Listen along as we unpack the above questions.Zombie Zealots zip, zigzag, and zero in on a zippy jezebel and another zombie at his zenith! Huey kablooey! Talent taping television pre-termination! Asking 80s action actors to acquire American accents! Female phone fumbling! Return of the “damn, he's good” trope! Garth's spinal stem? Best dead driver award! Cranky at the Yankee! Chris' soaked and slippery beat boxing, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we get into Unhinged, or as we like to call it, “Falling Brown”... like the Michael Douglas movie, but with “brown” meaning poop. They really thought they had something like this one with their whole “man is pushed too far” thing, but in order for that to work, the characters need to be written as likeable. BUMMER!Rotund and reckless Russell road-rages ruthlessly rather than reflecting, then rejecting the rules and ramming a Range Rover! Hammer man! Underfunded federales! Idiot adolescent accidentally alerting intruder to area! Minivan mother mockery! Facile feelings for flaming Fred! Pancaked piggies! Homicide by proxy, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week, we collectively yell “FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCK!” as we try to make sense of 1993's Deadfall, prominently featuring the man, the myth, the legend, Nicolas Cage. Wow, what a movie. Just watch it, it's worth your time. Cage can't contain chaotic yet carefree characteristics while cunning cons continue conning competing cons! Craving columbian cocoa crop kibbles! Chuck Sheen! Deep fat frying your former friend's face! Eddie's pre-third-act-load-blow! Rob wins the season? Chris gives too much credit? Bob on the spot? Sam Fucking Peckinpaahhhhhh! Nicolas Cage's mommy moaning, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, the gang gets ready to rumbleeeeeeee with 2000's Ready to Rumble, a total bag of dicks of a movie that you should never watch. But we watched it, so we need to break it down for you. Oliver Platt deserved better, and if he were dead he'd be spinning in his grave like a fucking pinwheel. Here we go! Relatively rotund and really raunchy wrestler regains resolve and receives award! Poo-pump proprietor punished by pungent parkway prolapse! Nonsense noose on Nitro! Beyond obvious Butterfinger branding! Hard R-tard (again)! Ass juice losers! Septic dripping supper consuming dickbags! Rob loses his voice! Shit clothing switcheroo, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we fire up the Breen Machine and explore I Am Here … Now– the best religious themed Sci-Fi action alien romance environmentally over toned thriller of its time. You've gotta listen to this one because the almighty Breen can do no wrong, until he does, but it still feels so, so right. Back to Breen basics with braless biotech bimbos, boring business men, and a buff brother blasting bullets into bones! Spirit Halloween Slipknot mask saliva swapping! Hard Drive Jesus! Breenie bits but no babe boobs! Benevolent Breen bloodies bully's eyeballs. The Willhelm… Breen? Boomer Bluetooth! Cola pudge! Rob hosts Fact or No Fact! SUV Russian Roulette! Chris' “e-lips!” Stigmata imposters, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Like the Saw movies? Well, you're going to love 2007's Steel Trap, which is like Saw, but instead of having to cut off your own foot, you have to record yourself eating your own shit, upload it to PornHub, and then gratify yourself to the footage of yourself eating your own shit while held at gunpoint. That being said … do you want to play a little game? Here we go: Drunk doopable dummies are deceived, dispatched, and deserving of death. Professor Pudgy and the previously porky perpetrator! Patron of a popular program providing persecution for party-goers! Pinwheel Pamela! Hard R-ded! Forcibly inserted ass trackers? Gladiator 2 sucks, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Also, Steel Trap was suggested to us VIA email by Shay. Thank you Shay ... this was an absolutely tremendous contribution to the show, and we're all worse off for it. Email us, you cowards. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Adam Sandler! Going Overboard! His first movie ever! Streaming for free on Tubi, and you'll still want a refund! This movie is really, really bad. Hard to be clever and/or poetic after watching something like this. Absolute bullshit experience all around. Welcome to Season 21 (or is it 24?).Unfunny funnyman fails at farce, fumbles with female fraternization, and fosters flare for foes with firearms! Sandler satiating simpletons with sexism! Witless fourth-wall wavering! Straight-jacket homo-jacket homophobic humor! Scrapper Bob and Captain Slider! Very clean women? We hate Bryce, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

It's the end of season 48, which means it's time for an episode of THE BEST Movie Ever Made where the boys talk about Hereditary. We're doing something a little different this week because Rob is underwhelmed, Bob is neutral, and Chris wants to be tea-bagged by Paimon and gargle all of his demonic goo because he loves this movie so much.Is Hereditary the pinnacle of “elevated horror,” or is it patronizing poo-poo that undermines its own premise through its excessive use of foreshadowing? Tune in and find out! Dude decapitates dad's daughter and is damned to don a demonic deity derby! Family drama, or family trauma? Chomping on Chekhov's Nuts! Unsettling scenes and surrealist style! Unforced foreshadowing that informs and frightens! Undeserved decapitation of dad's daughter (again)! Undetermined direction daring you to define it, and much, much more on this week's episode of The BEST Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we'll be singing “VIVAAAAA LAS BIO-DOME!” because we're talking about Bio-Dome. What a classic! What a great movie! What a masterpiece of cinema that Rob loves unironically while Bob and Chris try to figure out how to remove him from the podcast indefinitely as punishment for requesting that we review this one. Maybe they just don't know how to free the weasel as masterfully as Rob does. Maybe they made attempts, but ended up getting their dicks caught in the ceiling fan instead. Who knows? But one thing we know for sure is that this episode is going to be as intense as the Great Chipmunk Fire of 1979. Rest in peace, Buttercup. Best bud bumbling bros betray babes, burst into a biodome, baffle bystanders and bluff botanist babes! Impossible repopulation VIA sentient baked potatoes! Intentional insecticide idiotic seek and hide! Bunny bombs! Waco Texas tactical torture on terraforming team! Midnight molestation! Steve Bannon's Nazi grotto! Egyptian walking couches, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

OHHHHHHHHH! ECKS GON GIVE IT TO YA! That's Ecks vs Sever… as in Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever– the worst movie ever made according to Rotten Tomatoes. Seriously. 0% across 118 reviews. This movie makes no sense, and we make no sense trying to make sense of it.  What a mess! We're sorry.  Confusing cluttered calamity with cop killers, cars, kidnapping, carnage, and countless kinds of chaotic crap! Channeling the Banderas Flare! Caging a kid you're caring for! Bald guy back-alley nose break! Blaringly obvious husband car bomb buttons! Expository sound snafus! Reversey guns! The golden age of reverberated Locrian moaning! Gratuitous “Ecks”haling! Lightweight aluminum tube trampling! Riding sideways on a prison bus! Standard-issue paperclip lock picking, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week we talk about Willy/Milly, also known as Something Special, also known as I Was a Teenage Boy; a problematic body-swapping film from the'80s that definitely exists for some reason-- even though the version streaming for free on The Roku Channel is clearly an upload from a copy, of a copy, of a copy of a VHS tape. We also welcome Dave/Schmave, Bob's brother, to talk about the movie that he requested for the sole purpose of watching us suffer immeasurably... Geeky girl grows gonads and gives a gimpy guy a groin growth! Teleport talking! Suspiciously scrappy sex base! Semen is soda?! Never chew on a stranger's beef stick! Top-tier tire tossing! Chris thinking about what Joe Pesci's packin'! Junkyard jizz spots! Allowance wage gap?! Phallic flash card cock shocking! Childen's cartoon cuck chairs! Circle corners, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we get into 1985's Gymkata, a spectacle of martial arts, gymnastics, deadly games, tongueless women, men with fake faces on the back of their heads, and a healthy amount of men falling to their deaths with a satisfying splat.  This one's not currently on streaming, but is worth the $4 if you were to indulge in on-demand viewing.  Okay, yelling:  Johnny the gymnast joins a jiu-jitsu journey just to jab a jezebel! It's a movie podcast, not a English tutorial! Mullet-O-Mania! Pitchforking poor people and poorly placed pigs! Aerobic back-alley attack on innocent arabian anybody! Caucasian con and consult! Androgynous elderly caterwauling creeps! Bangladeshing the Parmistani princess! Bright red Sweaters aren't inconspicuous! The farmland of Parmistan! Back alley biker beatings! Bollywood whitewashing wiping out Neil Breen's side scrote! Pommel pummeling, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we get into Theodore Rex; a film about a cookie-loving dinosaur with a heart of gold who needs to save the world from a new ice age because his creator has fish DNA that can freeze stuff, starring Whoppi Goldberg. We wish that the previous sentence didn't exist, but that's the most succinct way to break this movie down. If you want to know how bad this movie is, we need to gently remind you that this movie cost over $30 million in 1990s money and saw a direct-to-video release. Truly baffling.  Here's the rub:  Dinosaur detective devours desserts, discovers a dinoside, and defeats delinquent dicks! Worst Movie welcomes back world-ending genocide! T-Rex trash receptacle transport! Untamed tail tappin' tooshies! Scalebacks! Hardbody Bob! Ninja Grids! Imagine a T-Rex with huge tits! Whoopi “the fart incarnate” Goldberg steaming herself drippy! Kane's nevermind nuke button! Theodore's jizz jalopy! Dead dino skank wife, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we're doing something a little different and talking about Steven Seagal: Lawman– a cop show starring Steven Seagal that's streaming for free on Tubi, where it belongs. We point our focus to two episodes: “The Way of the Gun,” and “Crack War,” and we don't think any further introduction is necessary to be entirely honest.  Steven Seagal sees suspects scurrying several suspicious scenes!  Professor pudgy panting and pretending to be a police person! Jizz jazz jamming it in the same hole! Meandering motel meth molestation! Seagal's backseat driving legitimately pissing off a real officer! Flagrant use of the word “Orientals!” Steven Seagal running! Steven Seagal speaking jive-talk in a misguided attempt to connect with the local community of Jefferson Parish, Louisiana! Steven Seagal shredding on a Stratocaster for childhood cancer! Steven Seagal, Steven Seagal, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  Steven Seagal. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, the guys get into ... nothing at all! It's New Year's Eve, and we're tired. 2024 ran us through the meat grinder, and we're currently trapped in the casing of a 3am hotdog. But in all seriousness, we've been doing this for 182 weeks without missing an episode, and we'll be damned if we break that streak! Chris is on a strange soul-searching pilgrimage in the Belgian Congo, we haven't been able to locate Bob since his last ether frolic, and Rob... he's probably just sitting in the corner of a dark room and flashing a light intermittently at a picture of Neil Breen. Stay tuned later this week (probably Thursday) for our special one-off roundtable discussion of Steven Seagal: Lawman. You're not gonna want to miss this one. Thanks for listening! Also, Chris really, really loves Tears for Fears. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we dive yet again into the Neil Breen Cinematic Universe (NBCU) to talk about the film that started it all: Double Down. There's not much that we can tell you about this film aside from what Neil Breen tells us about himself through his many, many exposition dumps, so you might as well watch the movie, and then listen to this episode.  Let's do this!  Desert dwelling dude donning diverse devices, deadly drugs, and a dead damsel! Terminator timpanis! You can tune a piano, but you can't Tuna Man! The ole excuse me anthrax application! Super sandy sleep sack storage of a spouse's skeleton! Documenting a dead dame's deterioration and decomposition? Breen's buoyant bean bag! Cranial cancer-curing side quests! The Willhelm Breen! Unexplained food fumbling! The magical rock/mushroom dice-hole world! Biological warfare for the halibut! Vanishing old man head blood! Disappointing lack of jizz buckets, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week's episode is all about dancing for what you believe in and standing up for your rights in the face of adversity. That's right! Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo is now in the running for the title of “worst movie ever made.” I remember being relentlessly bullied as a child, and you know what always solved my problems? Busting out the ghetto-blaster and showing off my new pop-and-lock routine to my adolescent antagonists. How did things work out for me? If you're a regular listener, you already know the answer: not great.  Here we go with the yelling.  Boogaloo buddies banished from building bounce back and bring in bank by breakdancing! Horse-toothed politicians! Mannequin vivisection? Taking the toolkit of a tradesman trying to take home some tender! Flatline flash-dance! Pushing your pirouette partner out of possible parisian profession! Tumultuous tummy touches! The ‘80s Macy's “focus group cool” aesthetic! Far-fetched Fat Albert connection? Chris' bottomless olive pit(ted)? Words production! Rotating Space Odyssey Acquisitions! Too many Turbos in the hot tub! Engaging oysters with your drone! Softcore gang wars, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we do something that's not featuring some washed up wrestler from the ‘80s (read: Diane Keaton), and speed-run into the future with Megalopolis; a masterclass in botched futurism and half-assed allegories created by none other than Nicolas Cage's eccentric, and exceedingly wealthy uncle. Do the metaphors fall flat? Yes. Is the acting stifled and awkward despite the talent involved? Also yes. Does this whole thing play out like a Neil Breen movie with a $150 million budget? Abso-fucking-lutely!  Let's go!  Cesare screws Cicero's sweetheart, stops seconds, and survives shooting! Sudden swastika stump! Labeouf and Voight! Ruining our recollection of the Romans in real time! Don't tread on me toss-away tipoff! Live Free or Try Hard? John Voight's cross boner, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Man, oh man! This week we're fittin' to talk about Steven Seagal, Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo, and … that other guy with the fucked up hands as seen in 2013's Force of Execution; a film that makes so little sense that you'll wish you were bitten by not one, but two exceedingly rare and extremely poisonous scorpions before getting your hands broken with a hammer.  Felons fire firearms, fracture fingers, and fist fight a flabby fellow! Professor Pudgy rides again! Seagal, the ethnic human defeater! Ordering entrees almost at the end of the eatery's hours of operation! Witchdoctoring a woozy wanderer! Incredibly cloudy Kung-Fu character conception! Tarantino-esque N-word tallying! Inappropriate accent acting! Dick time and ball bandwidth! The Handless Henchman! Tom Holland Trejo trade? The Hellman's implication! Bone breaking for speedy recovery, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we honor Shmave's request to watch Baby Boom, starring Diane Keaton… who is in no relation to Michael Keaton, whose last name is actually apparently Douglas, but he had to pick a stage name because somebody else already had that name. That's what Bob says anyway, and I'm too lazy to fact check. He's probably full of shit, but I'm not going to bother following up on this one.  Bumbling boring baby boomers blending baby bites and rebuffing a billion bucks! Banishing your baby to a broken down bumpkin bungalow! The egregious Gerber grift! Bedless blanketless burka babe buffoonery! Bungling your bouncing baby and blasting her with bleach! Ovary-acting! Do we have female listeners? We don't now! Ugly kids and mom graves! Fuck baby boomers! ALF and saxophones are cousins? The Tonight Show with Jimmy Phallic! Slowing down after the smooth jazz, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we dive into a good movie, no… a GREAT movie with Christopher Nolan's Memento! A film that's 1,000 times better than Floppenheimer. In our most humble opinion, Memento is one of the best examples of non-linear storytelling. But is it a perfect movie? Listen along and find out. Missing memory man is manipulated to murder! Tarantino's fetal-alcohol forehead? Joe Pantoliano and his sinister mustache! Rounding off the Arnold aesthetic. Narrator knows nothing, but needs knowledge for the film watchers! Banter for breathings! Totems for tracking the timeline! All encompassing ambiguity intentionally obscuring the objective! Crucial skidmark Safeway inspection and consumption? Chris' pavlovian paradiddles! Bob saw Quiz Show! Denis Leary's vortex of douchedom! Chris' secret swamp sauce recipe, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week, we get into the life and times of Pistachio Disguisey, portrayed by Dana Carvey in The master of Disguise; a vehicle for (poorly executed) bits, and literally nothing else.  Impossible impersonations don't improve an idiotic idea! A forced PG project! Chris' tortoise tootle! So many silly celebrity sightings! Olson Twin Pedophile prank! 417 and dental for fucking around with this 411 fartbox! Mom suggesting a side street as a skate park! Cherry Popping Baddies, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week, we talk about Eddie Murphy's “Meet Dave,” a family movie about hotdog abuse, and… other stuff.  Water-sucking orbs! Micro men and maidens move past many moons to maneuver a massive man among morons. Salsa over saving species! Mojito sucking mamis! Bob Spocks? Kitty-cat kickball! Allowing any alien adult access to adolescents! Lieutenant Buttox! Bob's sneaky SyFy misdirect! Milli Vanilians! Kevin Hart! Where's the FBI?! Taser-charged shoe ships! Chris bad credit scatting over Donna Lee, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we're finally firing up the Breen machine. That's right, until now, we've never sat through one of Neil Breen's movies. Now that we've thoroughly flicked our Breens into submission, we can now say "Breen there, done that." Fateful Findings! A movie about... something. Confusing cascading cacophony of cubes, killing, and cuckoldry! Wanton destruction of laptops! Re-gag rescue! Soft-core stepdaughter skinny dip bubble bath! Nip slip polo shirt drip! Burgerless buns and bunless glizzers! No 911 for your overdosing girlfriend while you bury your cube in another woman's mushroom hole! Who is Mr. Insurance?! Sam Hell contract cameo? Faulty gauze protocol! Neil Breen's ass, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week, we get into Hell Comes To Frogtown, which is basically just Children of Men with better production values. Not really, but it's 10x more entertaining.Yelling:Rowdy Roddy wrangles reptiles and ravages refugees! Three frog dong situations! Problematic chastity flaps! Bob's jizz bucket! Prominent pilsner product placement! Face-masking the frisky frog lady! Teasing the toad until triply tumescent! Forced fornication with fertile females on infertile flats! Spangle spanking sacks! Fiber-enhanced fucking? Electrocuting Sam's sperm seems silly considering the situation! Spangle's stage-lit seekers! Mad Max amphibious transport? Chris' corner caterwauling! Rule 34 applies to Shrek too, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we're going to celebrate the steaming cinema turd known as BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR! You knew we'd end up here sooner or later, so here goes nothing: Avian atrocities around amateur actors and actresses' awkward adventure! PSAs out the A! Famished little fuckers refusing fish for French fries! Rod finds a rod! Badasses banging their burners at birds and a bus! Gallon gouging after getting got by gratuitous gulls. Brenda wig on the bark beetle guy! Improvised eyeball scabs! Pausing pursuit of peace for picnic pleasantries! Ominous grunting! Moore/Nguyen Rod proxy, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week we get into 1985's Perfect, starring Terl from Battlefield Earth, and our favorite scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis... but the only screaming that can be heard would be coming from our respective domiciles as we thrust and wiggle our way through this two-hour-long abomination. Aerobics amateur and aerobics auteur are actually annoying and acting atrociously! On-the-nose artwork all over your architecture! Walking through women's post-workout waterworks! Gang-bang engagement party? Splashing your Sazerac on your stenographer, staining the scenic eatery! Johnny T's meat market meandering! Sphincter Muscles! Tarantino sucking on the brava-toes? Tits McGee! Curtis' yogurt devotion! Badminton in the West Wing? Gyroscopic genuflecting! Transcending the sniffing distance, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we take a look at White Chicks, a movie that couldn't be made today because of THE CULTURE WAR according to some dipshit on YouTube. Yelling: Shitty spies - shrouded as shallow socialites - shimmy, shoot and, go shopping! Hangnail trebuchet! Wanton destruction of small business! Popping pistols at purveyors of Popsicles! The bestiality buildup! Cosby Drops (™) in the club! Dexter Deb's eating disorder! Faux-feminine flatulence! Janice is not X-Ray Cat! Travolta trotting a Hilton hound! Chris' rap battle reaction vids, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made. www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week we're revisiting 2006's The Wicker Man because Bob wasn't a part of the show when we did this as our second episode, and we had to subject him to it as a rite of passage because he reveals that he had never seen it. ONE OF US! ONE OF US! Okay, time for the yelling because there is no shortage of that here! Rob got strobed! Cage as a cop comes to a Celtic cult only to cook to a crisp! Fists to female faces! Gunpoint bike-jacking! Pre-ritual rigamarole! Baby boy bye-byes! Ball draining litmus tests! Ceremonial sacrifice of an innocent human! Not every waitress says “hun!” Private investigator wearing professor patches? Bee goo man-jam transference! Tall Jawa beekeeping B&E, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com

New season, new format, and new us! What does that mean? We're onto some new bullshit in the form of 1991's Cool as Ice; a movie that Machine Gun Kelly probably unironically thinks is the coolest thing ever. There's no way to prove this statement, but we feel it in our hearts. Let's do this! Rudimentary raps from a ridiculous race-robbing cradle robber! Jacking a Jill's journal! Fucking for forgiveness! Floor-humping a female fresh from high school! Hopping a fence, harming a horse, and hurting a hottie! Flicking the finger water! Whack-head tried to play baseball with my home-boy's bike! Construction yard cassette tape kidnapping catalysts! Schlinging a schlong, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Good movie week, so it's time to talk about 1986's Aliens! Wow what a movie, let's talk about it. Facehuggers are fellated by fellas and females to form fierce foes! Bill Paxton! Supremely sophisticated set designs! Quick creation of complex characters! Excluding irrelevant explanations! Hovering over hopelessness! Crafting claustrophobia! Mute Newts! Strong female character crescendo! Forklift foreshadowing! Cumming inside the prop sock! Baboon shriek alien screams! Holly-washing Vasquez! Classic badass load-out trope! Hard sell on the suspicious Bishop! Leaving Newt in the facehugger fish-tank room! Android air duct slithers! Problematic space vacuum rippy-bits, JAMES CAMERONNNN, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made. www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Steel, starring Shaquille “Big Aristotle” O'Neal, steals our heart, but you will soon see that it all falls apart. This movie may have well been a part of the DCEU, but hey, 1997 was long before Ezra Miller was caught with their Flash flaps down, so who are we to judge?  Shaq shits the sheets as a steel sporting super sucky celebrity! Wanton destruction of private property! Looney Tune metal man on a motorbike! The rocket booster hove-round! Wheelchair bound power plasma! Pirating the paraplegic without punishment! Not necessary Nazis! Disrespect for the disabled! Multiversal Chad and his 3 am hotdogs! Sparky Hawking? Uncle Joe's Soul Train danger dance! Radioactive rafter bites? Manhole Hummer blowout coverups! Sneaky jailhouse satellite correspondence! Giving Sparky the kid named finger! Riff Ruggles, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week we talk about Krull… or Big budget Ice Pirates? It's a fantastic formative fantasy, far from faulty film fodder… but far from flawless. Let's get into it! Consuming some snot's cinnamon snack and saying he's unimpressive! Whimsical warhorses laying waste to wheat fields! Doody wrapped boomerang blades! Medieval galaxy space knights with laser halberds! Sacrificing innocent civilians, stalling for your savior! Slapping your stallion! Silly goose garbling! The ever elusive mystery sack! Four tons of cork? Attack of the glass arachnids! Colwyn, all ‘80s jacked in his space spandex! Urgent business in that direction, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Jack and Jill ... deserving of its abysmal Rotten Tomatoes score? Or just another by-the-numbers late-in-career Adam Sandler outing? These are the hard-hitting questions that we try to answer in this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Sex switch sister satire steers from snickers! Rattling the Sandler slot! Shameful ShamWow Shlomi and Jail-bait Jared sharing a scene! Adam's audacity acting as Jack impersonating Jill! Adults amused by animal abuse! Back and forth Sandler banter! Improper Pacino Immersion! Katie Holmes' Sylvester mouth? Palpable amounts of porcelain punishment, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we break down Not Another Church Movie. A Tyler Perry parody film… or a Tyler Parody. A comedy making fun of a comedy. Let that sink in. Okay, yelling. Miraculously and maliciously making a mockery of Madea! Double booby Robby Bobby five-point pitch shot! Busdriver bribing babe to bear her bazoombas! Grandpa's got gas gags! Homophobic humor hinged on high-speed dating! Crossbreeding a humpback and a sow? Making fun of comedy! Rob foregoing the fart bait! Halloween house clown side-stories! Buffington butt-water was never a birthright, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week, we talk about suburban commando, a film that would have been better served by a 17-minute ruin time. This one was so tough to get through that our generally grating and nasal voices actually have a soothing effect when compared to the source material in question. Let's get into it! Hulk Hogan helps the hapless while heaping heaps of havoc! Doing a doggy dirty by fencing its face for a film! Totaling a traffic light with extra-terrestrial tommygun! Attempted adolescent automotive assault! Skyward skateboards, flying felines, and catapulted kids! Schwarzenegger switcheroo! Space Wine! Paperboy pummeling! Shelley Duvall was in The Shining! Rabbit Rebar! Bob's deep south streaming! Cocker spaniel face-cages! Kid corvette collision comedy, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week we talk about Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark. This is our first Boll film on the pod, and now that we know what to expect, it probably won't be our last. Here we go: Creature critters created by crooked archeologist crawl and crush craniums! SyFy CGI! Shattering sheet glass at the showroom by 713! Sledgehammered senior! White Walker from Wuhan knows Wushu! Anubis Glyph Reader 3.5? CROSSFIREEEEEE!!! That fucking nun! Sleeping security trope! Seven second strangulation! Tara Reid! The Xenomorph connection, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we talk about Rudy Ray Moore's Dolemite, a film described as "The Citizen Kane of kung-fu pimpin' movies." Pretty sure we all loved it, but you'll have to listen along to find out. Prison preventing protagonist from pimpin' puss, so parole the playa! "That's mighty black of you, reverend!" The detective downing dominoes on a dude just to be a dick! Destitute dude main-veins meth in a drug den! Dish powder muff diving! Brothel bits! Tumultuous tummy tickles! Bob clinches the Tit-Scope M title! Two Torgos knocking knees! Cocaine fish, and heroin stuffed halibuts! Squeezin' bitches out of existence! Pasty politician ass! Protagonist pimp punching his paramour mid-pounding, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

This week, we talk about 1985's Malibu Express. Or as we like to call it, "Tits: The Movie." Melons and milk monsters and mammaries, oh my! Shane shamelessly shoots shower shenanigans after committing coitus with coerced consent! Blblblbl in the porn water! Penile puns! Finagling the fudge rudders! Eating furniture? Buffington buffoonery! Pulsating Playmates! Shielding from the sun with a shoe visor! Rump radar! Far too many characters to keep track of! Cody's almost anal adventures! Car dealership desert daughter does the deed for a drive! Distinct lack of Buffington butt water, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Season 18 kicks off with a bang... wait that's not well written. And neither is 1987's The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. A Topps Chewing Gum Production. Great to be back in the bad movie trenches, but we weren't prepared for this one. Crude creatures from collectible cards cause confusion! Keeping ugly kids in a garbage pail! Attempted murder/pipe logic combo from hell! Overworking the otherworldly for snizz-snazz! Tangerine teasing a tiny teen! Chasing children for chump-change! Dodger sneaking sweat-shop sniffs! Fire-escape peeping tomfoolery! Making merriment with the less mature! Misguided marketing mishaps! Rivers of shit! Chris and Rob both piss their pants! Boy gets booby baffled! Pedo-film-ia? Aerosol Cosby Drops! Dodger jumped the Juice and jammed his jowls, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com