Podcast appearances and mentions of nicholas epley

Most of us know we should reach out more — call the friend, chat with the stranger, strike up the conversation. And yet we hold back. Why? Behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley has spent decades studying this gap between what we know and what we do, and his findings are both surprising and encouraging: connecting with others almost always goes better than we expect — and the payoff for our happiness and health is enormous. His book is A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection. And in the second half of the show, physical therapist Dr. Milica McDowell and chiropractor Dr. Courtney Conley join us with big ideas from Walk: Rediscover the Most Natural Way to Boost Your Health and Longevity―One Step at a Time.

Nicholas Epley is a mind reader. But he doesn't have ESP or practice hypnosis. He's not telepathic or clairvoyant. Sure, you could ask him to read your fortune, but you'd be better off with a Magic 8 Ball. When we say Nick is a mind reader, what we mean is he studies mind reading at the University of Chicago — studies, as he puts it, "how we make inferences about each other's thoughts and beliefs and attitudes, and mostly how we screw that up." Today, he makes small talk — and big talk — with Rufus about his new book, A Little More Social, which draws on the dozens of studies he's run with thousands of participants to show that talking to strangers, cringe as it may feel, can enliven your days, lengthen your life, and maybe even heal our politics. If you enjoyed this episode, check out our conversations with Charles Duhigg, Leslie John, David Brooks, Marc Schulz, Anna Sale, and John Colapinto. The Next Big Idea is now on YouTube! You can find our episodes ⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠. Follow Rufus on ⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠, subscribe to our ⁠⁠Substack⁠⁠, or send us an email at ⁠podcast@nextbigideaclub.com⁠. The best way to support the show is by becoming a Next Big Idea Club member. Learn more at ⁠⁠nextbigideaclub.com⁠⁠, and use code PODCAST for a super secret discount (spoiler: it's 20% off).

In this episode, meet journalist David Epstein, career coach and host of the Clock In podcast Emily Durham, and professor of behavioral science Nicholas Epley. Hear David Epstein on how he would describe recording his audiobook, Emily Durham on bringing her experience as a recruiter to a wide audience, and Nicholas Epley on the life-changing research of becoming just a little more social…and what he's most excited for listeners to hear. Inside the Box by David Epstein: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/737494/inside-the-box-by-david-epstein/audio Clock In by Emily Durham: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/797902/clock-in-by-emily-durham/audio A Little More Social by Nicholas Epley: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/671591/a-little-more-social-by-nicholas-epley/audio

Most people say they want deeper relationships and more meaningful connection, yet many conversations stay stuck at the surface level. We talk about work, schedules, the weather, or whatever else feels safe. So why is it so hard to move beyond small talk? In this episode, we're exploring the science of meaningful conversation, from curiosity and attention to vulnerability, flirting, and emotional openness. I am joined once again by Nicholas Epley, the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavior Science, and Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. His latest book is A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection. Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include: Why do so many conversations stay surface-level? What kinds of questions foster closeness? How do we balance vulnerability with oversharing? Can people tell when they don't fully have our attention? What small conversational shifts create deeper connection? You can visit Nicholas’ website to learn more about his work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.*** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Nicholas Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago and the author of A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection Dr. Joe Schwarcz, Host of the Dr. Joe Show, Sundays at 3 PM on CJAD 800 & director of the McGill Office for Science & Society Dennis Wyche, Former Air Traffic Controller with 35 years of experience Enrico Ciccone, Quebec Liberal MNA for Marquette and former hockey defenceman

Most people don't avoid strangers because they dislike people. They avoid them because they expect connection to feel awkward. AJ and Johnny break down the research from University of Chicago professor Nicholas Epley showing that we consistently underestimate how positive small social interactions will feel. From trains and coffee shops to elevators and gyms, this episode explores why silence feels safer, how confidence is built through small social risks, and why “small talk” is actually the front door to deeper connection. Chapters00:00 – Why we avoid talking to strangers01:00 – The psychology of choosing silence02:00 – The commuter study that changed everything03:00 – Why confidence comes from reps04:00 – 3 easy ways to start conversations05:00 – Why small talk actually matters06:00 – Tiny wins build social confidence07:00 – The “3 hello” challenge Episode Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/status⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Unlockyourxfactor.com⁠⁠ small talk, social confidence, conversation skills, communication skills, social anxiety, loneliness, human connection, confidence building, emotional intelligence, networking, social skills, talking to strangers, connection, charisma, interpersonal communication Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When was the last time you sparked up a conversation with a stranger and surprised yourself with how good it felt? Behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley, author of A Little More Social, returns to the podcast to discuss with Michael why we systematically underestimate how positively strangers respond, how connection supports happiness, health, and longevity, and the key mechanisms behind our social pessimism (misjudging warmth vs. competence, overlooking reciprocity, and self-fulfilling avoidance). Nicholas shares research on how quickly people update after a conversation and how fast those gains can fade, plus practical “easy choice” experiments like asking someone to take your photo or simply asking, “Can you tell me your story?” Plus, in a special post-interview discussion, listener-turned-friend of Michael's, therapist Dr. Jennifer Kauder, joins Michael to reflect on voice vs. text, comfort-zone challenges, and why real-time connection changes everything.Listen and Learn: The surprising benefits of connecting with people you don't know, and why our minds trick us into fearing these interactions that can lengthen and enrich our livesPsychological traps that make us overly pessimistic about reaching out to others, and why we miss out on deeper, happier connections due to misplaced expectations Research on why trying to push past social awkwardness just once isn't enough, and why our brains quickly forget positive interactions Why our confidence drops right before we approach someone new, the psychology behind why starting a conversation is much easier than anticipating it, and how small mindsets can instantly dissolve social anxiety A simple, foolproof question that skips past awkward small talk, ignites genuine curiosity, and uncovers the fascinating, hidden storiesResources: A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593319543 Nicholas' Website: https://www.nicholasepley.com/Nicholas Epley on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicholas-epley/ Michael's Confidence Course: https://herold.coach/courseRejection Proof by Jia Jiang: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780804141383 About Nicholas EpleyNicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science and Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and happiness course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. His research has appeared in more than two dozen empirical journals, been featured by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Wired, and National Public Radio, among many others, and has been funded by the National Science Foundation and the Templeton Foundation. He has been awarded the 2008 Theoretical Innovation Award from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, the 2011 Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Contribution to Psychology from the American Psychological Association, the 2015 Book Prize for the Promotion of Social and Personality Science, and the 2018 Career Trajectory Award from the Society for Experimental Social Psychology. Epley was named a “professor to watch” by the Financial Times, one of the “World's Best 40 under 40 Business School Professors” by Poets and Quants, and one of the 100 Most Influential in Business Ethics in 2015 by Ethisphere. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. His new book, A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection, was published in May! (Our UK listeners will find the book titled Hello: The Unexpected Power of Choosing To Connect)Related Episodes422. Mindwise with Nicholas Epley454. Remain Calm. Confidence Ahead with Michael Herold313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg360. The Laws of Connection with David RobsonSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We live in a world where people are more digitally connected than ever, yet loneliness remains incredibly common. Most of us move through daily life surrounded by strangers while following an unspoken rule: don't engage. In this episode, we're exploring why humans are so socially cautious, but also why even brief conversations with strangers can meaningfully improve our happiness, health, and sense of connection. My guest is Nicholas Epley,  the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavior Science, and Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. His latest book is A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection. Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include: Why are conversations with strangers usually better than we expect? Do people really want to be left alone in public? Why do small moments of connection matter so much? How has technology changed everyday social interaction? For people who want to be a little more social, what’s a good starting point? You can visit Nicholas’ website to learn more about his work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code JUSTIN for an exclusive 20% off.  If you're looking for a dating experience where you can explore on your own terms, check out Feeld, a dating app for the curious. Go to feeld.co or download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In this episode of The Founder's Sandbox, host Brenda McCabe sits down with behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago Booth School of Business to explore the surprising power of human connection. Drawing on decades of research and his new book A Little More Social, Epley reveals why we consistently underestimate how positive social interactions can be—and how small choices, like expressing gratitude or starting a conversation, can significantly improve our well-being, relationships, and workplace culture. Together, they discuss the science behind social connection, the hidden barriers that hold us back, and practical ways leaders and professionals can build more resilient, purpose-driven organizations through simple, intentional human interactions. You can find out more about Nicholas and his book at: about Nicholas Epley Accolades Nicholas Epley Book him for for speaking events at: https://www.wsb.com/speakers/nicholas-epley/ or pre order his new Book out May 19, 2026: A Little More Social Here: Amazon, Bookshop) You can also find his book Mindwise here: Amazon, Bookshop transcript: 00:04 Welcome back to the Founders Sandbox. I am Brenda McCabe, your host. Now in the fourth season, my mission with this podcast is really to bring in company owners, founders, 00:31 professionals, board directors that like me share a common mission, which is making change in the world through enterprises, small, medium or large. em And each of my guests um have em in their own ways built resilient, scalable, well-governed businesses um to really make that change. And I'm absolutely delighted to have Professor Epley, Nicholas Epley, 01:01 from the University of Chicago as my guest for this month. um Welcome to the Founder's Sandbox. Thank you, Brenda. This is a delight for me to have a former student back with me in conversation. I love it. It's amazing. I've been pursuing you for at least two years, and I kept getting delayed because of his writing a book. And today we're going to talk about um his new book that will be launching on May 19th, A Little More Social. 01:31 So before we get into the material, I need to make a proper introduction as I do to all my guests, all right? So um Nicholas Eppoli, he is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science and Faculty Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He is an author. We'll get into some of his work today. And he has many other accolades. 01:59 that are just too many to go through here because we'll eat into valuable time. And he has back to back podcast to announce his new book. I do want to call out one accolade. You were named by Ethicast, I guess, a business leader in ethics back in 2018. And business ethics, as we all know, corporate governance is very near and dear to my heart. So those accolades will be in the show notes. 02:29 em Dr. Epley, or Professor Epley as I'll call you, right? You study social cognition, how thinking people think about other thinking people to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and happiness course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. I was a... 02:56 an alumnus. I took your course back, think in 2017, 2018. So you're going to be forever a professor to me. All right. So I often speak of your class designing a good life and the pro-social exercises and other stats and experiments that now that you have this book out, I realized you were using the classrooms. Yes, I was. Yeah, I was doing a lot of the experiments in the class. I mean, the best way to teach 03:25 people something is not to tell them the thing, but to show them the thing. And so I could tell you that reaching out and expressing gratitude makes you feel better, makes other people feel better than you think, but more powerful is actually have you do it. Right. So we're going to talk about the book. And I think it's in chapter seven that you talk specifically about how gratitude is such a powerful mechanism. um Again, my guest here, I like to uh 03:56 kind of identify resiliency, purpose driven or scalable. m I think that what you teach and what we're gonna hear about here for my listeners is an example of resiliency practices. And I believe it's very much key in bringing it back to my listeners, Professor Upley is I work with a lot of company owners, business leaders who I think would benefit from learning some of these practices outside of the classroom today. anyway. 04:23 I took your class back in, I think, in 2017, pre-pandemic and in person. And my life has uh really been impacted in an incredibly positive way. I bring it into my personal life, some of these experiments that you're going to share with my listeners, as well as the classroom, where I do teach business ethics. And I have them um do a personal responsibility statement uh at the end of their. 04:51 their semester with me. That is awesome. So again, accolades. Thank you to you. So with my guests, I want you to make a little introduction and share your origin story. Why did you choose to become what's called a behavioral scientist? I won't make it too long. I do remember I got to college. I wanted to be a football player, college football player, small college division three. 05:20 at St. Olaf. I went to St. Olaf because I liked the football coach. I thought I was going to be a biologist. I took those classes. They were totally boring, but I took an intro psychology class, which was all self paced. It was supposed to take a semester to do. I was done with it about a third of the way through the semester. I just ate it all up. I went through it like wildfire, which I took as an indication that this is something I might be interested in. 05:51 I started reaching out to faculty, started doing research. And one day my senior year, early my senior year in college, my em undergraduate advisor grabbed a book down from the shelf and handed it to me and said, I think you might find this to be interesting. It was Tom Gilovich's book, How We Know What Isn't So. And the book describes how the psychological processes that give us beliefs and expectations and opinions about the world, thoughts about other people. 06:20 can often lead us astray, give us perceptions and beliefs that differ from the way the world actually is. And I found the work so fascinating. I read that book in a day. I took it and I went right through it. And I thought, that is the thing I wanna do. I wanna do research like that. I couldn't think of anything else more interesting to do than that. So I applied to a PhD program to Cornell University, which is where Tom is on the faculty. I applied to a bunch of others too. 06:49 em I was fortunate enough uh that I was waitlisted at Cornell, somebody declined their offer, and I got in as a PhD student. And the rest then is kind of one lucky break after another, after another, after another, after another, things working out well. And me just following things that seemed interesting at the time. em I was lucky to have Tom as a PhD advisor. 07:16 We started working on really interesting things. My first year there, turns out we underestimate how positively others judge us when we do something that we're kind of embarrassed about. Other people cut us a lot more slack than we think. And that interest in understanding, and in particular, understanding how well we understand the minds of others was something we were working on right away. And that interest... 07:44 just as grown and grown and grown and grown and grown. I've stopped thinking about other things. It's the only thing I kind of can think about. And the mistakes we make about the minds of other people are all around us and problematic. And so that's how I got here. Thank you for sharing that. um And specifically at this time in 2026, uh 08:11 So how does the mind of a behavioral scientist work? What experiments do you whip up to test some of the hypotheses? All right. for your first book, right, there was some, right. And the preface of your second book, you said, that morning I decided to test a different approach. As a psychologist, I try to understand human behavior using experiments. 08:34 But this time I decided to put myself into an experiment instead of ignoring the person who just sat down next to me, I would try to connect. So how does work? So one, I think the important thing about being a researcher, we're all researchers out there in the world in our own ways, right? So founders are starting companies and they're doing research constantly about what works and what doesn't. 08:59 As a scientist, we get to run experiments that sometimes have a little more control over them than what you have out there in the world. But the thing that is common to both the scientist and the founder or to almost anyone out there in the world is that you ask why questions. And so as a scientist, it's not so much the experiments we conduct that are critical, although those are critical. The critical thing is that you... 09:28 We look at the world in a slightly different way than others might and therefore notice things that other people might not notice. And that's where our hypotheses, our ideas come from. So one morning on the train, for instance, I was coming in to the University of Chicago where you know all too well where I work uh and I live on the far South side. And I was writing a chapter for MindWise, which was my first book describing how we have this mind uniquely equipped for brain uniquely equipped for connecting with the minds of others. 09:58 And I was describing how we often and why we misunderstand each other. And I was writing one of those chapters describing how we've got this brain uniquely equipped for connecting with others, made happier and healthier by connecting with others. And yet I was sitting on the train and I had this kind of eureka moment. Here we all were, and I've been doing this for years by now. Here we all were sitting on this train, highly social animals, made happier and healthier connecting with each other. And we were all ignoring each other. We're not connecting at all, treating the person next to us. 10:27 Like a lamp shade, right? And that was where I thought that seems weird. Does this make sense that we do this? Social connection is a choice. It's a decision about whether we reach out and engage with somebody or hold back. And that was the thing that I noticed. That was the perspective that other people might not have is that that's a choice and understanding that our perceptions are sometimes wrong or miscalibrated. 10:55 suggests that sometimes we can make those choices wrong, make them incorrectly or unwise. And so that morning I decided to enroll myself in an experiment. I had a woman come sit down next to me. I was probably at this time, I'm 51 right now, I was probably in my mid 30s, 35 or something like that at the time. This woman, she's probably 55 or so, African-American woman, uh clearly dressed for work, uh really looking sharp, had this beautiful red hat on. 11:24 almost like a bonnet, had this big wide brim. It was beautiful. uh And I decided that morning to put myself in an experiment. What would happen if I actually engaged in conversation and to really pay attention to what happened, right? Because that's another thing we do as researchers is we measure things closely. We pay close attention in our measurement. So I just started having conversation. I opened up with a pretty weak joke. uh I said, I love your hat. I have one just like it, right? 11:54 Yeah, not in the conversation hall of fame there, right? uh But she turned to me and she just like lit up. I remember so distinctly the reaction was like she'd almost looked like a different person. Her face, the face that we carry around with us, the dead face, right? Our resting Grinch face is kind of Grinchy, right? But as soon as you engage with somebody, you perk up, your face smiles, your eyes lighten, you look. 12:23 almost like a different person. So she turned to me lit up and uh the conversation then just flowed pretty easily. We had a nice conversation, half hour, time went really fast. As I got up to leave, I remember she held my wrist uh as I was getting up just to express some sincerity and she said, thank you so much for talking with me today. It wasn't just like, hey, that was lovely. We really meant it, like it was nice. 12:52 And the thing that I remember so clearly is that it wasn't just nice, it was surprisingly nice. That surprisingly part is critical because there was a gap between how I believed the conversation might turn out. I a nervous, what do I have in common with this person? I don't know. Will it go well? Do they really want to talk to me? Probably not. Will she misunderstand while I'm talking to her? Maybe. 13:17 You know, mistakenly think I'm hitting on her or something or make her feel uncomfortable instead of just having a nice conversation between two human beings. So all that stuff was going through my head, but it was misplaced. It was wrong. And so the conversation wasn't just positive. It was surprisingly positive. And that insight that social connection is a choice and that our choices could be wrong led me to run a bunch of experiments to test whether this is just something unique. 13:45 to me as a kind of weirdo or whether this is something we might see a little more widely. And so we started running experiments on the train that I ride. We recruited people for an experiment. We randomly assigned them to do one of three things, to either try to have a conversation with a person who sits down next to them that morning, so this is the connection condition, to... 14:11 keep to themselves that morning and just enjoy their solitude or to do whatever they normally do. 14:17 At the end of the survey, they reported how the conversation actually made them feel, how positive it made them feel on a couple of different measures. And then we asked another group, we asked them to predict how they would feel if they were actually in that situation. To report their beliefs, their expectations about how they would feel. Because that's what actually drives your behavior. It's not how you actually feel. You don't know how you're gonna feel. You're projecting, right? Yes. It's not gonna happen, yeah. Exactly. So you sit down and you think, well. 14:45 what would happen if I did this? Those are your expectations. And people's behavior is driven by their expectations. And what people expected was that they would have a more positive commute if they kept to themselves than if they had a conversation with somebody, which is what people are doing, right? So they're behaving rationally in line with their expectations. But when we actually had people do these things and report how they actually felt at the end, it was those in the connection condition. 15:12 that actually had the more positive commute and those in the solitude condition who kept it themselves had the least positive commute. People's expectations weren't just wrong, they were precisely backwards. They thought that keeping it in themselves would make them happier. In fact, connecting with somebody else is what would make them happier. And that was just the tip of a very big iceberg. For the last decade and a half, it just, we've been seeing these things all over the place. I'm like a guy with a hammer who sees nothing but nails. 15:41 I can find these phenomena all over the place now. So it's nearly two decades of research. That first experiment, you speak to it in the second book. don't know whether you also put it into the first book. It is wise to understand what others think, believe, feel and want, which is your first book. um So two decades later and pushing your five years of writing and you were avoiding. 16:09 being a guest on my podcast and that rightly so. Yes, took a long time. But as then. of 2026, your book, A Little More Social is being released. And we'll have how to get that book in the show notes as well after this podcast goes live. So what I wanted to do is really ask you what made you want to release it now in 2026, right? And 16:39 Again, I was able to get a pre-read of some of the material and uh while not stealing your thunder, what I was, I like how you've set the sections or the why questions. So back to the empirical, right? Research you do as a social scientist. Why, why not? What if, what now are the four sections of the book? But I will tell you this, I read the prologue and when I started reading chapter one, I was depressed. It was really hard to go on. 17:08 So I'm warning, just so with that, I'm not gonna give the spoiler alert. What made you want to publish this year finally after two decades and right? So I will say that I think the message of the book is fundamentally empowering, not depressing. It was just first chapter. I was like, wow. Just the first chapter maybe about the importance of social connection and how we're not choosing it. But once you see that, 17:38 Once you see that your beliefs about other people might be off a little bit, it's an invitation to test those. And to see places where you and your life are holding yourself back, not because social connection is unpleasant or you're not good at it, but because you're not even trying and finding out that you could be wrong. And once you start to see that the bars in front of you that are holding you back from reaching out and engaging with others, 18:05 having stronger relationships, communicating more clearly, having more joy and enjoyment in your life and making people around you better. Once you start seeing that those bars that are holding you back sometimes, making you overly fearful about engaging are actually made out of pasta noodles, it's easy to break through them. It is empowering. The people I talk to a lot in this book who spend a lot of time talking to other people, almost all describe themselves as having a superpower that other people don't have. 18:35 They're not afraid of engaging. And hence they don't hold themselves back from opportunities that they could have in the better life that tends to follow when we're connected well with other people. As to why 2026, I wish I could say it was something like market timing. I was getting exactly right. The world is a disaster, is a dumpster fire at the moment. are uh going deeper, deeper into loneliness in our lives. The world's a mess. 19:03 hostile and violent and unfriendly and we're trying to pull back from this. I wish I could say it was market timing. uh It wasn't market timing exactly. It was more, uh I don't know what the right word for it is in the innovator world, but I didn't have the product until today. Right. Or serendipitous as well. Serendipitous. Yes, serendipitous. I do think there's a timeless element to this too, which is, it is always the case, I think. 19:32 I don't think these phenomena are totally new. There are new elements to them, but there are times where we can always make our relationships a little bit better. But yes, right now there is some serendipity, I think. We could really use it right now. I agree. Tell me how it is to make a choice. So we all are different human beings, right? Talk about human beings. 20:01 condition, right? We're very social and some of us are more introverted than extroverted. how, and with your book, how can we be more empowered to make that choice? So I think the important insight from behavioral science here is that social connection and therefore the happiness and wellbeing and relationships that follow from that is to some extent a choice that we make. All social interactions that we have a choice over 20:29 you get to a point where you have to decide, I refer to it as the choice, because I think it is arguably the most important choice we make over and over and over and over again, which is, do I reach out and engage with you or do I hold back? And that choice, the choice shows up in lots of different forms. Do I talk with a stranger? Do I type to you or pick up the phone and talk to you? Do I... 20:56 ask deep and meaningful questions or do I hold back? Do I share this compliment or this feeling of gratitude or request for help or honest piece of advice for you, honest feedback? Do I share those things or do I hold them back? So the choice masquerades in lots and lots of different ways, but at its core is this conflict between approaching, wanting to engage and fear or avoidance, being nervous about it, right? And when both of those things are strong, we get 21:26 approach avoidance conflicts where we'd like to do this thing, but we're nervous. I'd like to go up and talk to that other CEO I'd like to meet, but maybe they don't want to talk to me. That's approach avoidance conflict. What we find in our work is that, well, other researchers have found that these two systems in our brain are independent of each other. That's approach and avoidance. Approach and avoidance. Yeah. The factors that govern approach, the system that governs approach in our brain is different from the system that governs avoidance. Okay. 21:55 That's how you can get both of them being very strong at the same time. They're not dynamic with each other. They can operate independently. And when you don't have any interest to approach or any interest to avoid, then you're indifferent, right? But the opposite of that is approach avoidance. And um people do vary a little bit in the strength of these two motives, uh in what guides their choice. 22:21 Extroverts tend, for instance, to have a little bit stronger approach orientation or rather a little less of the avoidance orientation. But I think the important insight is that what extroversion and introversion is really about is how you make the choice. And this is something that people, think, routinely misunderstand about what personality actually is, or at least the way we measure it as psychologists. I think that's the important thing, the way we often measure it as psychologists. 22:49 It's not describing the type of person you are. It is describing the type of choices that you make. So for instance, people might often think that introverts and extroverts, actually enjoy different things. That extroverts like talking to people, whereas introverts like talking to people less. That turns out not to be quite right. When you put people in experiments and you actually have them talk, introverts and extroverts both enjoy talking to people, right? 23:17 They both get tired talking to people later, but they're energized during it. They both actually feel more authentic when they're talking to someone and engaging in social interaction than when they're not. What differs between the two is how they make the choice and therefore what they think they will like or enjoy and therefore the habits they create and what they do. And that I think- that's kind of a revelation. uh 23:47 But psychologists have been discovering this for decades. So you go back to 1980 was the first published paper testing whether happiness or wellbeing was related to personality. Now in theory, you wouldn't expect it to be, right? Actroverts like talking to people. Proverts like uh reading books and keeping to themselves, more quiet time, Enjoying more solitude. Great, there should be no differences in happiness. We get what we want out of life. 24:16 That turns out not to be true. Extroverts tend to feel more positive, have more positive affect, more happiness in their lives than introverts full stop. And it is not a small effect, it is a huge effect. The correlation between extroversion and positive affect, essentially happiness in your life, positive mood in your life, is around 0.5, which is as big as the correlation between the heights of fathers and their sons. It's huge. It's huge, right? And so... 24:43 Psychologists learn then over time that that comes in part because extroverts tend to choose to act a little more extroverted. If you ask people to act more extroverted, everybody tends to get a little happier, uh introverts and extroverts alike. If you ask people to act more introverted, people tend to get a little less happy, introverts and extroverts alike. So I think that's a really important insight that introversion and extroversion is really about choices and habits. 25:12 more than actual experience. You know, m I extroverts to choose to do it more often. Is it a? Is it oh a game of numbers? Is it like betting? Is it just showing up for yourself more frequently? Independent of being an extrovert or introvert where I'm going is how can we apply this in the workforce with our workmates and things? Right? Is it just, you know, just choosing independent of what the outcome may be? 25:42 more often. So our data suggests that our assessment of the odds and all of life is kind of a gamble. Our choices are gambles on the future based on what we think is going to be relatively positive or not, what's going to be relatively rewarding or not. And our data suggests that we get the odds a little wrong. Extroverts and introverts both do. And actually, I don't want to focus too much on that because it's a much weaker, it's a much weaker phenomena than we actually 26:12 You might imagine that it is. People tend to think on average they're more introverted actually than they really are em because extroversion is public but introversion is private. So we all know our own private introverted side. It makes us feel unique, more unique than we actually are. But I think our data suggests not that you go out and you talk to people all the time or you share every detail about yourself. It suggests we get the odds a little bit off. 26:40 It suggests when it's easy, when it's possible to connect or to engage or when you have a thought that you could share that you think might turn, you know, be positive. If you recognize that that avoidance motivation is a little too strong. 26:55 Recognize you have to dial that back that your first thought might be overly avoidant your second thought a lot of times might suggest No, I'll give this a try. I'll give it a try. I'll give it try. I like that. Somebody said me lose right? So with that why not right part two of your book? Do you want to talk about a little bit about? The the how well you've talked about the have connection, but hello stranger, you know really just making it happen. I 27:23 I don't know whether you can make an inference into the workplace. I would like you to do that for me. Yeah. Yeah. Because we are human beings and whether we work in hybrid, we're totally remote, or we are working back in the office, we get things done through interactions with our colleagues. And so how might your work and a little more social uh make our, uh I guess, our interactions 27:53 more empowering uh and just overall lifting up. I think our data suggests that you can look for times in your life where there's kind of dead space or kind of gray space. Time where you could engage or connect with someone but are choosing not to in ways that wouldn't take you away from something. That's a place to start. Like I'm on the train in the morning coming in. 28:18 I'm just sitting there. Usually I'm not doing squat anyway. I'm scrolling my phone or reading the news. I think it's really important, but come on. Sometimes we do things, but often we're not. And that's a place that's easy for me. Like I did this morning, I had a conversation with Brenda on my train. um Brenda I've known for a while. I don't see her that often, but this morning she was on the train and we had a lovely 30 minute conversation. She gave me a hug at the end and she said I was really what she needed today. 28:48 Oh, right. And that's amazing. Yeah, she's a lovely human being. She's a great name. Yeah, she's great. But I don't see her a lot. Maybe a few times a year we'll be on the same train. But every time I see her, I know her. I remember I wrote her name down and I can have that conversation. It's easy. But that's something where I wouldn't have been. 29:13 social otherwise, it's easy to do. And if I know it's gonna be more positive than I think, then I would choose to do that than something else. When I get to my office here at the Harper Center here at Booth, I walk into the door on the way in and I got maybe a 250 yard walk up to my office here on the fourth floor. And I've started making it a habit that I take a hello walk when I come in. When I walk by people, I don't just sit there and just walk to my office. 29:42 I greet people when I'm going by. So I say hi to Nigel who's sitting there at the same table every day this winter quarter uh down uh in the winter garden here at the University of Chicago. I say hi to Keith and Mario and Linda on my way to the elevator often who are down there. These are often our staff people or uh other folks around in the business school. When I get up the elevator onto my floor, I walk past uh Jane's office and Eric's office. 30:11 uh Emma's office, Virginia's office on my way. And I say hi to people, right? Hi, Eric. Hi, Jane. Hi, Emma. Morning, Virginia, when I go by. Now, it's not taking me a lot of time, right? It's not slowing me up from anything. It's not really interrupting them too much. They're just getting started with their day. But it makes that moment brighter, right? It makes that walk better. Virginia came by my office the other day. I've gotten to know her. She's one of our new junior faculty. She came by my office. uh 30:40 to talk about the book that I've been working on to talk through it, because she found that interesting, she's an economist. I don't think she'd have done that before if I hadn't said hi. It's been nice. So, you know. So there's small, little initiatives, you just have to make the choice. They don't have to be massive things. There are many opportunities that are easy, seem small to us, they end up being, I think, 31:09 much, much bigger than we imagine them to be. And we just choose not to take them. And that seems like a tragedy. And once you start looking for these moments, these opportunities, you walk to get coffee at the office or something. Take a friend with you. Ask a colleague to walk with you. Ideas come out of those. Connections come out of those. Well, being comes out of those. You never know where it's going to go. Can you, for my listeners, discuss or share the experiment and how 31:38 people underestimate how much they'll enjoy talking to strangers or the letters of gratitude. It's your choice, you can do both. I mean, can share my own personal, know, living that. um It remains with me. I would love that. You do that. That would be great. know, the enjoying talking to strangers is uh during the last week of the course of designing, right? 32:06 a good life, we literally had to, um I think we had to report back and we had to do a kind act towards somebody that we didn't even know. Right? Yeah. Yeah. We were randomly assigned or we, right. I think you were, right. In that case, I asked you to go on and a random act of kindness for somebody. Exactly. An act of kindness. And it was amazing that then the person reacted. so it was a very, it was aha moment. Again, I'm 32:36 This was seven years ago, eight years ago. So I'm drawing a blank, but I just recall it was an amazing experience. we all kind of got to know each other's names. We were like 80 students in the classroom at that time. Another thing that I do recall with fondness is writing a thank you letter, graduate letter. you gave us the op, it was prior to getting to campus, we were to write a letter. 33:03 we could actually share with you who we writing that to. And that person had the opportunity to share with you what they felt or not. So it was kind of blind. And I did go ahead and write a thank you letter to a color out Betsy Berkamer. She's also been in my podcast, influential person in my life. uh And uh lo and behold, she wrote to you and as did other people that were recipients of a thank you letter that was two paragraphs. It made their day. 33:32 But the questions you ask, how did, you you had to get the guts up to write that letter, right? Because you had to really be touchy-feely and share a specific event for which you felt gratitude. So, yeah. So that's an, so these, the, the choice to reach out and engage with other people or hold back crops up in lots of places. So one of the things we know as psychologists is if you want to have a good day, one thing to do is to think about somebody else who you really appreciate and feel grateful to and make their day. 34:02 by writing a note to them and explaining why you feel grateful to them. What's interesting- that here on the podcast on the Founder's Standby. So this is major. Say that again. If you wanna have a good day, reach out to somebody else and make them have a good day by explaining why you're grateful to them. What's interesting though is if you ask people, can you think about somebody you feel grateful to, but who for whatever reason you haven't reached out to express this? Almost everybody can right away think, oh yeah, I can think of somebody. Why do those people exist? 34:32 Why haven't you told them? There are lots of reasons why, but one is often, it's gonna be weird. Is this the right time? What am I gonna say? Can I really put into words? All of these steel bars in front of us that we think are so powerful, but they turn out to be pasta noodles when you actually sit down to write them. So what I have you do in my class towards the end is I have you think about this person, sit down, write a note to them. 34:59 anticipate how they're gonna feel, right? If you think that they're not gonna, you you underestimate how positive it's gonna be for them, or you overestimate how awkward or weird it's gonna be, right? That creates friction. That's a barrier to reaching out and engaging them. That's your avoidance voice shouting a little too loudly in your ear, that cringe voice, that you shouldn't do this. And we can find out whether that's calibrated. So I had you predict how the recipient would feel, how- um 35:28 the extent to which they'd be surprised to learn what you're grateful for, extent to which they'd be surprised to receive how positive or negative they would feel and also how awkward they would feel. I then, if you were willing to share with me the recipient's email address, I reached out and said, well, student of my class, um sent you a gratitude note as part of a class exercise. uh They thought of you for this. And I would love it if you could just tell me how that made you feel. Maybe terrible, maybe great. 35:58 but they go to the survey, they fill it out. And then we just compare those numbers essentially. And the students are not confused. You weren't confused that this would be positive. You thought it would be good. What was surprising or what's super robust is that it's even more positive than that. So Brenda, your little two paragraphs that seemed like nice, nice, but they were really, really nice to the person who received it. You thought they would be, uh 36:27 kind of powerful, they were really powerful. She probably printed that out. I had a student this year say in class that their recipient, who was a relative of theirs actually, their recipient asked, can I print it out and put it on the wall? Oh, that's amazing. Of course they do. Yes. It matters a lot. Surprisingly a lot. That's the important thing. Surprisingly a lot. 36:56 I could go on and on with more examples of the experiments that Professor Epley made us do in class that have marked uh my life. uh I use a lot of these things with my clients or even my students. And one of which is I do have the personal responsibility statement that we wrote at the end of our... uh 37:20 with you and it had to be short and sweet. You framed it, gave it to us. want it. If we ever want to change it, we had, you know, uh a beeline to you. You can send me a note. I'll change it for you. I'll send you new one for sure. And I framed it, framed it and printed out because otherwise you never would. Right. And then it's almost like it's an accountability manager. Right. We have Professor Epley who holds us accountable. Here, by the way, is mine. Yeah. You want to see mine? 37:48 I didn't know you were going to mention it, but yeah, here it is right here. Yeah, mine's here. And actually, because I asked my students, oops, I don't know whether you see it too well. There it is. Yeah. There it is. Signature, sorry. Sorry, because I have that screen. uh And yes, I even have some students that say, Professor McKay, but it's really hard for me to write mine when you share yours. of course, I'll share it. Yeah. 38:13 You may remember I put mine up in class. I showed you in the last class what mine was. Yeah. Yes. Yes. So yes, tell me. Yes. Go on. So the purpose of that is this is really about sustainability, I think, and resilience in organizations that the business case for ethics for being good out there isn't just that it feels good, sometimes even surprisingly good, which is really what's in the book and in a little more social. 38:43 which I describe in lots of different ways. But uh the business case for ethics is really one about resilience and sustainability. That you can be a schmuck for a little while and take money from people and succeed. You can lie and cheat and steal for a little bit. It's very hard to do that for a long time. Wow. People don't want to work with you. They don't want to work for you. uh They don't want to lend you money uh if they think you're uh unethical and shady. 39:13 And so for an organization, way to design one, for founders, the way to design one that is resilient and sustainable is to make sure that your values, your mission is front and center in front of everything that you do. so identifying a powerful, identifying an actionable mission statement, like your personal responsibility statement, this is at the organizational level, is a critical first step because everything else can be woven out of that. 39:43 Those ethics have to be kept top of mind all the time, woven into how you hire people and fire people and promote people and evaluate people and what you talk about day to day and what your norms are in the organizations, what activities you do, how you financially compensate people, what kinds of non-financial incentives you have in your organization. All those need to be tied to the mission statement and to the values that those suggest so that they're kept top of mind when you're out there in the world. So they become more of your first thought. 40:13 rather than needing to be your second thought. And the personal responsibility statement functions at an individual level that way. uh It prompts you to think about what is the thing you wanna have top of mind guiding you when you're out there in the world. So mine is to teach and research so that people are inspired to make wiser decisions and live better lives. Okay, that's what I focus on. 40:39 m Mine is always be original creative, loving, giving back, thankful, spontaneous, daring yourself while being content with enough. And my podcast is actually one of those creative outlets for me. now into my fourth season, it's been amazing. You know what I like with, you know what I didn't see, m wouldn't have seen when you wrote that, but do now is the last part being satisfied with enough. That's an important bit of self. 41:06 compassion there to recognize we do what we can do, nothing more, nothing less. And we give it all we got and that is enough. So the idea is that just like with a mission statement, if you can keep that top of mind guiding your behavior, you'll be a better organization if you design that well. Same thing is true for individuals. Well, before we go to my last three questions, which is really uh the essence of what I do with... uh 41:34 Next Act Advisors, my consulting firm around resilience, purpose, and scalable. I really wanted to give you an opportunity to let my listeners know how to connect with you. It will be in the show notes. And specifically, you do speaking, you're a keynote speaker and you can be hired in different, so can you? 41:58 share a little bit of how we can connect with you and to what do you typically like to speak about when you are um hired as a speaker? Yeah, so I do a lot of uh public speaking, which I think of as just another avenue for teaching about our research, which I think is meaningful for people and can be very powerful. The speaking agency that I use is WSB. They're in Washington, DC. They're fabulous people. And I can talk about 42:28 A few things I can talk about why we misunderstand each other and how to help people understand each other better, which is really about management and leadership, all of those essential skills. And then the work that I'm doing now about human sociality is really a lot about organizational culture, uh happiness and learning. But a lot of it's about organizational culture, I think of it as. And how we uh might act in ways 42:56 uh that don't optimize our culture in ways that make it sustainable or keep us resilient or keep us happy and motivated in organization or learning as much as we could. The individual stuff people also take out of this as well. The book is really written at the individual level for you to think about yourself and your own life and why we might just like we don't act maybe exercise as much as we ought to, why you might not be as social as you could. Thankfully, exercising sucks, it's unpleasant. So we all know that. 43:26 That's hard. reaching out and connecting with other people. know. I know. Thank you. But reaching out and connecting with other people is positive. know, like, you know, it's surprisingly positive. So that's an easy habit. That's an easy habit to make. So I talk a lot about how, you know, where these barriers come from and what you can do in my presentations, what you can do to turn these into habits to make your life consistently better, resiliently. 43:54 And then for connecting with me, do use LinkedIn. I don't use a lot of social media because it makes me miserable. But I do, I have been having fun a little bit recently using LinkedIn. So that's a way, but you can also email me. That's probably the easiest way. All right. So all of this will be in the show notes and, and your book, a little more social will be released on May 19th. There'll be a launch party. I believe it's, it's available on Amazon and bookshop. 44:23 and you have your own website. again, this will be provided in the show notes. Well, I like to do around the Robin lightning question, so my guests, all of my guests get to answer three questions. I'm passionate about resilience, purpose, and scalable or sustainable. And so I'd like to ask you, Professor Apley, what does resilience mean to you? It means being able to accept the negative things that happen in our life by 44:51 but by continuing to carry on with it. So one habit that I've picked up, I don't remember that I actually did it deliberately. I sign off all of my emails, typically, not always, but usually, and I type these out. This isn't like a form with onward. um And it's kind of a mantra I keep in my mind. uh Research is hard. There's a lot of failure. There's a lot of frustration. 45:21 Writing papers is hard, getting published is hard, speaking is hard, teaching is hard. It's all hard stuff. I mean, we're all doing lots of hard things, but they're those hard things. And there are lots of setbacks. And in academia, it gets personal because the ideas are yours, just like founders, right? These ideas are your baby. They are precious to you. And when they don't work or when they're threatened, that is hard and it's threatening. But you can't get mired in that. It's easy to get stuck in that. And so I try to... 45:50 This is just a little thing I do to keep myself focused on, all right, what's next? Now what? Onward. We're gonna carry on with this. That's resilience to me. I love it. Thank you. Purpose. What does purpose mean to you? Yeah, purpose is more, I think, the long run drive. Like, why am I doing this? um What's the meaning of my work? Which is usually not something you see right in the work itself. It is above the work. It's bigger than the work. It's what's in your personal responsibility statement, right? 46:21 My research is really oriented towards trying to identify wisdom, right? That's understanding. That's what all scientists try to do. We try to understand. I don't try to advocate. I don't tell you what to do. I try to figure out what the facts are as best I can. And so that concept of wisdom, for me, that's my purpose. Just to try to figure out wisdom. That's the long run goal, the high level goal. I think that is essential for me. It's also, it is perfectly aligned with 46:50 what I'm trying to do as a researcher. Amazing. So my second to last question, scalable or sustainable? can be anything. So scalable I struggle with. As a behavioral scientist, that is hard. It's hard to take individual stuff and increase it at scale, in part because the things that you do to increase something at scale are not the things you do to make an individual life better. So at scale, 47:18 You typically don't target people's beliefs. You navigate around them in some way. So you don't tell people they ought to play more with their neighbors. You build a playground. So they're different approaches. uh So scalable, I struggle with a little bit. try to, in my research, because I'm understanding individual minds, that's where I focus. And so I make it purposefully personal, our researches. Sustainable, though, 47:47 I think our research is really all about in many ways is that at the end of the day, at the end of our experiments are questions, dependent variables. And those dependent variables are typically these days about wellbeing, some measure of wellbeing and happiness. And that is the thing that you need for sustainability to keep things going, right? To sustain yourself. 48:17 is some positive reward. That's what sustains action. m And that's what our work focuses on, think, sustainability in part because for understanding social misunderstanding, the social misunderstanding creates friction. It ruins relationships, causes ah conflict and hostility, which is not itself sustainable. We're trying to encourage some insight into what the opposite would look 48:48 Last question, Professor Epley, did you have fun in the sandbox today? It's very fun, It's great seeing you, Brenda. Makes me regret I didn't do it uh the other times you asked, but it is a lot of work to write a book. It is exhausting. it leads my students to, my PhD students and postdoc doing research with me to contemplate homicide if I don't get to their paper soon. So anyway. Well, with that. 49:17 I let's sign off. You did enjoy yourself to my listeners. If you like this episode with Professor Epley, Nicholas Epley, sign up for the monthly release where founders, business owners and professionals um share their own experiences on building scalable, resilient, purpose-driven organizations, profits for good, and making the world a better place. So thank you until next month.

Nicholas Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago and the author of A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection

Sean talks with University of Chicago psychologist Nicholas Epley about the strange gap between our need to be social and how social we choose to be. They explore why we underestimate how good conversations will feel, why awkwardness looms so large in our minds, and how small acts of connection can make us happier, less lonely, and more open to the people around us. Host: Sean Illing (@seanilling) Guest: Nicholas Epley We would love to hear from you. To tell us what you thought of this episode, email us at thegrayarea@vox.com or leave us a voicemail at 1-800-214-5749. Your comments and questions help us make a better show. And you can watch new episodes of The Gray Area on YouTube. New episodes drop every Monday and Friday.Listen to The Gray Area ad-free by becoming a Vox Member: vox.com/members. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Almost all of the interventions that make us happier work because they make us feel more connected and more loved,' says Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D. Lyubomirsky is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside, a Fellow of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, and the bestselling author of The How of Happiness and The Myths of Happiness—and her latest, How to Feel Loved (Harper Collins, 2026), paired with a mainstage TED talk. A Harvard and Stanford-trained scientist whose research has been featured in the New York Times, on podcasts, and in documentaries worldwide, she is one of the world's leading experts on the science of happiness 00:00 - What connects every happiness practice 03:24 - Why you should talk to strangers 04:41 - Kindness changes your DNA 08:32 - Money, power, & fame are overrated 10:36 - The case for reaching out to old friends 13:49 - Why 70% don't feel loved enough 17:03 - The walls we walk around with 18:52 - The radical curiosity mindset 23:55 - How to really listen  28:19 - AI as a companion 31:05 - The relationship SEAsaw 39:00 - When introverts act extroverted 43:40 - The conversation to have tomorrow Referenced in the episode:  For more about Lyubomirsky & her research, visit her website: https://sonjalyubomirsky.com/  Buy her new book: https://a.co/d/04sCyQSj  Listen to her mainstage TED talk: https://youtu.be/pdRWeK9f02w?si=1vV8cwwsSHeCMZ3y  For more about Nicholas Epley's research & upcoming book, visit his website: https://www.nicholasepley.com/ We hope you enjoy this episode, and feel free to watch the full video on YouTube! Whether it's an article or podcast, we want to know what we can do to help here at mindbodygreen. Let us know at: podcast@mindbodygreen.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do we avoid talking to strangers when it could actually make our lives better? Nicholas Epley, behavioral scientist at the University of Chicago, explains why we consistently underestimate how positive social interactions will be—and how that mistake quietly limits our happiness. Drawing from decades of research and stories from his new book A Little More Social, he shows how small moments of connection can transform ordinary days. This episode challenges your assumptions about awkwardness, rejection, and what people really think of you. It may just change how you walk into your next coffee shop.--Guy Kawasaki is on a mission to make you remarkable. His Remarkable People podcast features interviews with remarkable people such as Jane Goodall, Marc Benioff, Woz, Kristi Yamaguchi, and Bob Cialdini. Every episode will make you more remarkable.With his decades of experience in Silicon Valley as a Venture Capitalist and advisor to the top entrepreneurs in the world, Guy's questions come from a place of curiosity and passion for technology, start-ups, entrepreneurship, and marketing. If you love society and culture, documentaries, and business podcasts, take a second to follow Remarkable People.Listeners of the Remarkable People podcast will learn from some of the most successful people in the world with practical tips and inspiring stories that will help you be more remarkable.Episodes of Remarkable People organized by topic: https://bit.ly/rptopologyListen to Remarkable People here: **https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-kawasakis-remarkable-people/id1483081827**

Why do we avoid talking to strangers when it could actually make our lives better? Nicholas Epley, behavioral scientist at the University of Chicago, explains why we consistently underestimate how positive social interactions will be—and how that mistake quietly limits our happiness. Drawing from decades of research and stories from his new book A Little More Social, he shows how small moments of connection can transform ordinary days. This episode challenges your assumptions about awkwardness, rejection, and what people really think of you. It may just change how you walk into your next coffee shop.--Guy Kawasaki is on a mission to make you remarkable. His Remarkable People podcast features interviews with remarkable people such as Jane Goodall, Marc Benioff, Woz, Kristi Yamaguchi, and Bob Cialdini. Every episode will make you more remarkable.With his decades of experience in Silicon Valley as a Venture Capitalist and advisor to the top entrepreneurs in the world, Guy's questions come from a place of curiosity and passion for technology, start-ups, entrepreneurship, and marketing. If you love society and culture, documentaries, and business podcasts, take a second to follow Remarkable People.Listeners of the Remarkable People podcast will learn from some of the most successful people in the world with practical tips and inspiring stories that will help you be more remarkable.Episodes of Remarkable People organized by topic: https://bit.ly/rptopologyListen to Remarkable People here: **https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-kawasakis-remarkable-people/id1483081827**

From chatting with a stranger on the train to reaching out to an old friend, everyday social interactions make us happier than we realize. Yet many people avoid these moments because they expect them to feel awkward or uncomfortable. Nicholas Epley, PhD, author of ‘A Little More Social,' discusses why people consistently underestimate how much they'll enjoy all kinds of social interactions; the psychology behind small talk and deep conversations; how technology is changing the way we connect; and why even brief moments of connection can improve our happiness, health and well-being. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are wired for connection, and yet many of us spend most of our lives avoiding it, says behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley. Drawing on decades of research into happiness, loneliness and well-being, he reveals why we consistently underestimate how receptive others are to connecting — and invites us to seize the small moments that lead to a more social life. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode explores why modern life is quietly making us less social — and why even tiny moments of connection can dramatically improve happiness, relationships, and confidence. AJ and Johnny sit down with University of Chicago professor Nick Epley to unpack the psychology behind loneliness, introversion myths, social anxiety, communication, and why people consistently underestimate how much others want to connect with them. They also discuss how technology trains us to avoid uncertainty, why your voice matters more than text, and how honesty and asking for help actually strengthen relationships instead of weakening them. Chapters00:00 – Why small social habits matter more than we think07:00 – Technology, isolation, and the loss of human connection14:00 – Social “superpowers” and hidden opportunities around us19:00 – Why your voice matters more than texting24:00 – Social uncertainty, pessimism, and missed connection30:00 – Introversion myths and social energy explained39:00 – Rejection, vulnerability, and negative social experiences44:00 – Deep conversations vs small talk48:00 – Honesty, warmth, and authentic connection51:00 – Why asking for help strengthens relationships A Word From Our Sponsors Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠unlockyourxfactor.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially.  Visit the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠artofcharm.com/intel ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back. If you've put off organizing your finances, Monarch is for you. Use code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monarch.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ in your browser for half off your first year.  Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠makeheadway.com/CHARM ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠and use my code CHARM for 25% off. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Episode resources: ⁠https://www.nicholasepley.com/ A Little More Social Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok social skills, communication, psychology, loneliness, introversion, connection, emotional intelligence, relationships, confidence, social anxiety, conversation skills, human behavior, authenticity, happiness, self improvement Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do we avoid small opportunities for connection with strangers, even when humans are wired for that very connection? Behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley, author of the new book A LITTLE MORE SOCIAL, explains why modern life leaves so many people feeling disconnected—and how small social choices can dramatically improve our well-being. Nick explains the science behind loneliness, why humans are biologically wired for connection, and how our fear of awkwardness keeps us from reaching out to others. From conversations with strangers on the subway to helping kids build social confidence, this episode explores how meaningful relationships are created through everyday interactions. The conversation covers: Why people underestimate how much others want connection too How smartphones, remote work, and modern convenience reduce social interaction Why talking to strangers often goes better than we expect The importance of modeling curiosity and openness for children Why meaningful conversations matter more than surface-level similarities How to become “a little more social” through small daily habits Here's where you can find Nick: www.nicholasepley.com Buy A LITTLE MORE SOCIAL: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593319543 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nicholas Epley is a behavioral scientist, bestselling author, and professor at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business whose groundbreaking research explores why we as human beings often misunderstand each other. From studying social connection and happiness to teaching students how to design a meaningful life, Nicholas has spent his career helping people better understand themselves and those around them. Today, Nicholas shares why we're far more connected than we think, why our fears around talking to strangers are usually wrong, and how one simple conversation can change the course of a day… or even a life. Drawing from the research behind his latest book, A Little More Social, we talk about the real cost of isolation, the lessons he's learned through personal loss and fatherhood, and why meaningful connection starts when we move past surface-level small talk and become genuinely curious in one another. My friends, if you want to learn why expressing gratitude, asking better questions, and taking small social risks can lead to deeper joy, stronger relationships, and a more fulfilling life, this conversation is for you.

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Nick Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago's Booth School of Business. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. Nick is one of the “World's Best 40 under 40 Business School Professors” by Poets and Quants. He just published his second book for a popular audience called "A Little More Social."In this episode, Eric and Nick talk about "undersociality," the key idea in his latest book. Are we being less social than is good for us? How can we learn to connect, especially when it feels effortful? Can we be too social as well? How can we learn more about ourselves when we connect with others? What are the methodological limitations of Nick's work?Book: https://sites.prh.com/a-little-more-socialNick's Website: https://www.nicholasepley.com/Podcast Twitter @StanfordPsyPodPodcast Substack https://stanfordpsypod.substack.com/Let us know what you think of this episode, or of the podcast! :) stanfordpsychpodcast@gmail.com

What if the conversations you're avoiding are the very ones that could change your day, your life, or someone else's?In this warm and insightful conversation, Kerrie sits down with behavioural scientist Nicholas Epley to explore the surprising science behind talking to strangers and why we so often get it wrong.From a quiet train carriage in Chicago to life-changing family decisions, Nick shares how his research and his own lived experience reveals a powerful truth: we consistently underestimate how meaningful connection can be.Together, they explore:​Why we hesitate to reach out (and what's really happening in our brains)​The concept of data-driven courage​How small moments of connection create unexpected happiness, health and belonging​The surprising gap between what we expect and what actually happens​How habits - not just knowledge - transform our relationshipsYou'll also hear deeply personal stories - including the journey that led Nick and his family to adopt their daughter Lindsay and how connection shaped that decision in profound ways.This episode is both practical and deeply moving; a reminder that even the smallest act of reaching out can ripple further than we ever imagineLoved this episode? Support us to create more podcasts by buying our producer a coffee - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bmc.link/kerriephipps⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find Nick here -Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.nicholasepley.com/LinkedIn:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicholas-epley/ResearchGate: ⁠https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Nicholas-Epley-2Find Kerrie here -Topmate - ⁠⁠https://topmate.io/kerriephipps⁠⁠Website - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://kerriephipps.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/kerriephipps/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook public page - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/KerriePhipps1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/kerriephipps⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter / X - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/KerriePhipps⁠⁠⁠⁠

1. In his sermon, Tim shared a slide of 3 concentric circles that represented our sphere's of relationship in life:- inner circle = Intimate (family/friends)- middle ring = Social (village/neighborhood)- outer ring = Public (tribe/affinity based)He then shared that, though smart phones have helped people connect more with the inner & outer circles in their life, they've had a “decimating [impact on] our village relationships, eroding the competencies we need to hold our communities together.”What do you see in the world around you that seems like evidence of this degradation of skills? What dying/lost skills & competencies do you feel most aware of? What kinds of situations have made you aware of that gap?What do you see in yourself & your own personal interactions in the world that might be evidence of this skill erosion? What dynamics or situations in your life are impacted by skill gaps or weakened social muscles that you can identify in yourself?In what ways might you grow or strengthen those skills? Does it seem worthwhile to try? Why or why not?2. Tim talked about Nicholas Epley's research and the ways in which it shows that we think we want to be alone, but that we actually feel better when we connect with other people.How much do you think these findings describe you?In your life (prior to today), what are some reasons you might choose to do something on your own over something social, when given the choice? What are some reasons you might choose something social? What impact might learning what you did in this sermon have on your choices in the future?Tim also talked about the systemic changes and structures that have fueled and compounded these changes in our society. He talked about things like the decline in public & municipal investment into public spaces, and the impact of housing laws that make communal & community living less and less possible. What does reflecting on these realities prompt within you? What thoughts, feelings, questions, or desires rise to the surface?3. While admitting that there's no clear solution that could fix these larger systemic issues, Tim also reminded us of the community-oriented Christian practices that emulate the practices Jesus left his followers:Sabbath keepingWeekly worshipCommunityPeacemakingSolidarity with outcastsWhich of these practices feel like important parts of your own life's rhythms? In what ways has practicing one or more of these things impacted you?Are there any of these practices that you'd like to integrate more into your life? What barriers do you (or might you) encounter when trying to practice these things? In what ways might you creatively engage with those barriers in order to shift them?4. Bonus Question!Tim described a study in which the researcher (Epley?) had people sit with a stranger and answer four questions for each other. If you're up for it, consider answering any or all of these questions with your whole group, an individual person in your group, or with someone else in your life. Pay attention to how you feel after doing so.- If we're gonna be friends, what would be important for me to know about you?- What are you most anxious about in your life- Do you have crystal ball to tell your future, what would you want to know?- Can you tell me about the last time (or a time) that you cried in front of another person?

Think about the times you've assumed someone's behavior revealed exactly what they were thinking. Nicholas Epley, our guest for this episode, explains this as correspondence bias and, through his book Mindwise, teaches us about the concept of correspondence bias and explains how we often believe that a person's actions correspond directly to their mental state. You'll hear about his research into social cognition and how it reveals that while humans are generally adept at reading others, we frequently overestimate our accuracy. The episode also covers practical experiments on how engaging with strangers can significantly boost our happiness, despite our fears and misconceptions, and the importance of curiosity in overcoming social anxieties and making positive first impressions. Listen and Learn: How our unique “sixth sense” of mind reading, our ability to understand, predict, and connect with others' invisible thoughts, shapes human connection and survivalWhy our ability to read other people's minds is far less accurate than we think, and what makes understanding others such a difficult challengeWhy we often overestimate how well we understand those closest to us, and how even long-term partners are not as accurate at reading each other's thoughts and feelings as they believeWhat drives our brains to form first impressions in an instant, how overconfidence shapes the way we read others, and why moment-to-moment cues like facial expressions play a bigger role in social interactions than we often realize?How can you make a great first impression without overthinking body language or tricks, simply by staying curious and genuinely interested in the person you're talking to?How correspondence bias makes us assume people's actions reflect their true thoughts and feelings, why this can lead to misjudgments, and how showing confidence, curiosity, or kindness can positively influence how others respond to youCan striking up a conversation with a stranger boost happiness more than staying to yourself, even though we usually expect the interaction to go badly?Resources: Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780307743565 Nicholas' website: https://www.nicholasepley.com/About Nicholas EpleyNicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavior Science and Director of the Center for Decision Research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and well-being course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. His research has been featured by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Wired, and National Public Radio, among many others, and has been funded by the National Science Foundation and the Templeton Foundation. He has been awarded the 2008 Theoretical Innovation Award from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, the 2011 Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Contribution to Psychology from the American Psychological Association, the 2015 Book Prize for the Promotion of Social and Personality Science, and the 2018 Career Trajectory Award from the Society for Experimental Social Psychology. Epley was named a "professor to watch" by the Financial Times, one of the "World's Best 40 under 40 Business School Professors" by Poets and Quants, and one of the 100 Most Influential in Business Ethics by Ethisphere. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, and of a forthcoming book to be published in the fall of 2026 tentatively titled, Dare to connectRelated Episodes413. Validate with Caroline Fleck393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg374. Developing and Deepening Connections with Adam Dorsay360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson329. The Power of Curiosity with Scott ShigeokaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Ironically, while the core mission of HMB is to enhance communication between generations, there's yet to be an episode dedicated to the “science” of communication. Until now. Aidan & Ash welcome to the show one of the country's leading minds on the topic of why smart people routinely misunderstand each other. Dr. Nicholas Epley is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, and the Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, where he studies and teaches social cognition. There's nothing intuitive about this episode - which will have you rethinking everything. Who was more convincing: Aidan or Ash? Vote at HoldMeBack.com

How psychologist Dan Gilbert went from high school dropout to Harvard professor, found the secret of joy, and inspired Steve Levitt's divorce. SOURCE:Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard University. RESOURCES:"What the Data Says (and Doesn't Say) About Crime in the United States," by John Gramlich (Pew Research Center, 2020).Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress, by Stephen Pinker (2018)."Mistakenly Seeking Solitude," by Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder (Journal of Experimental Psychology, 2014)."Just Think: The Challenges of the Disengaged Mind," by Timothy D. Wilson, David A. Reinhard, Erin C. Westgate, Daniel T. Gilbert, Nicole Ellerbeck, Cheryl Hahn, Casey L. Brown, and Adi Shaked (Science, 2013)."The End of History Illusion," by Jordi Quoidbach, Daniel T. Gilbert, and Timothy D. Wilson (Science, 2013).Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending, by Elizabeth Dunn (2013)."If Money Doesn't Make You Happy Then You Probably Aren't Spending It Right," by Elizabeth W. Dunn, Daniel T. Gilbert, and Timothy D. Wilson (Journal of Consumer Psychology, 2011).This Emotional Life, by Daniel Gilbert (2010).Stumbling on Happiness, by Dan Gilbert (2006)."Affective Forecasting," by Timothy D. Wilson and Daniel T. Gilbert (Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 2003). EXTRAS:"Drawing from Life (and Death)," by People I (Mostly) Admire (2023)."Who Gives the Worst Advice?" by People I (Mostly) Admire (2021)."Sendhil Mullainathan Thinks Messing Around Is the Best Use of Your Time," by People I (Mostly) Admire (2021)."Am I Boring You?" by Freakonomics Radio (2015).

Nicholas Epley, ‘Aklıselim' isimli kitabında şöyle sallantılı bir gerçeklik kuruyor: “Nehrin bir tarafında duran bir adam karşı taraftaki adama, ‘Hey, nehrin karşısına nasıl geçerim?' diye bağırır. Diğer adam, ‘Sen zaten nehrin karşı tarafındasın' diye cevap verir.”

Watch a couple hold hands as they stroll own the road. It often seems cute and quaint. But it is more than that. Holding hands has some real benefits. Even monkeys know this. Listen as I explain. https://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/05/fashion/05hands.html You probably like to think you are pretty good at reading people – right? As you talk with someone, you probably think you can generally tell what they are thinking or where their head is at. Well, what if I told you were not as good as you think you are? What if it turns out that reading body language or trying to "put yourself in someone else's shoes" are actually pretty lousy strategies? What if there is a much better – almost full-proof technique to know what someone is thinking? This is what Nicholas Epley is here to discuss. He is a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business and author of the book, Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want (https://amzn.to/3BuU6SY) Who hasn't played with LEGO bricks? They have been around for decades. So, how does a low-tech, simple LEGO brick compete in the world of high-tech video games and other electronic distractions? The answer is: VERY WELL! Lego is a phenomenon that started from a transatlantic phone call in 1954 to a cultural phenomenon today. And the story of LEGO is truly a fascinating one. Joining me to tell it is Daniel Konstanski, the US Editor for Blocks Magazine (https://blocksmag.com/) and author of a book The Secret Life of LEGO® Bricks: The Story of a Design Icon (https://amzn.to/3Y8E8qE). When you are sad, it can affect your vision. You may not see things the same as you would if you were happy. That may sound odd, but listen as I explain. https://scienceblogs.com/neurophilosophy/2010/07/22/feeling-blue-seeing-gray#google_vignette Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you someone who strikes up a conversation with the person next to you on the train? Or do you keep your eyes fixed on your phone? Do you offer gratitude to friends and family? Or do you assume that they already know how you feel? This week, in the kickoff to our annual You 2.0 series, we talk with psychologist Nicholas Epley about our interactions with other people, and how we can make them more rewarding.If you enjoy today's episode, check out these classic Hidden Brain episodes: A Secret Source of ConnectionHow Others See You Relationships 2.0: An Antidote to Loneliness

Read our book, The Score That Matters https://amzn.to/3XxHi7p Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com  This episode is supported by Insight Global. Insight Global is a staffing company dedicated to empowering people. Please CLICK HERE for premier staffing and talent. Ask deep questions – A deep question asks about someone's values, beliefs, judgments, or experiences, rather than just facts. A deep question asks people to talk about how they feel. Asking a deep question should feel like sharing. NASA listened to how people laughed and if they possessed a genuine matching quality. Not performative or inauthentic, but people who connect with others by matching their energy. The 4 Rules of a learning conversation: Pay attention to what type of conversation is occurring Share your goals, ask what others are seeking Ask about others' feelings and share your own Explore if identities are important to this discussion The How Do We Feel conversation: What can we learn about listening from Nicholas Epley? (Psychology Professor). (Everyone knows how to listen deeply. If a podcast or something is interesting, nobody struggles to listen). Epley didn't teach them how to listen. He urged them to have more interesting and meaningful conversations. To talk about feelings. When we talk about feelings, something magical happens. Other people can't help but listen to us. Practical actions to take: Ask Deep Questions: Instead of sticking to surface-level topics, ask questions that invite people to share their values, beliefs, or significant experiences. For instance, if someone mentions they are a doctor, ask them what inspired them to pursue medicine. Prove You're Listening: Demonstrate that you are actively listening by asking follow-up questions or repeating back what the other person has said to ensure understanding. Match Emotional Tone: Pay attention to the other person's emotional state and match it appropriately. If someone is sharing something emotional, respond with empathy rather than attempting to offer solutions immediately. Understand the Social Identity: Be mindful of the social identities that might be important in a conversation. This awareness can enhance understanding and connection by showing respect for the experiences and viewpoints shaped by those identities. Charles shared that understanding whether a conversation is emotional, social, or practical is crucial, especially in leadership and educational settings. Teachers, for instance, are taught to ask students if they want to be helped, heard, or hugged—a reminder that recognizing the intent behind communications is key to providing appropriate support and connection. Time Stamps 01:06 Educational Choices and Parental Guidance 02:03 Reporting from Iraq: A Journalist's Perspective 03:41 The Bike Messenger Experience 05:47 The Harvard Study and Its Impact 09:23 Felix Sagala: The Art of Deep Communication 13:30 Mastering the Skills of Super Communication 20:25 Connecting with Strangers: Nicholas Epley's Experiment 21:20 Emotional Intelligence in Space: NASA's Challenge 24:51 The Matching Principle: Authentic vs. Fake 32:27 Insights from The Big Bang Theory Writers 35:36 The Art of Learning Conversations

Chris Fenning shares how to master the first minute of conversation for clearer, more concise, and more persuasive communication. — YOU'LL LEARN — 1) How to capture your audience's attention in 15 seconds2) Why meetings feel like a waste—and how to fix that 3) The one question that's ruining your reputation Subscribe or visit AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep951 for clickable versions of the links below. — ABOUT CHRIS — Chris Fenning makes it easier for us to communicate at work. He helps experts talk to non-experts, teams talk to executives, and much more. Chris's practical methods are used in organizations like Google and NATO, and have appeared in the Harvard Business Review. He is also the author of multiple award-winning books on communication and training that have been translated into 16 languages. Find out how Chris can help you at www.chrisfenning.com • Book: "The First Minute: How to Start Conversations That Get Results (Business Communication Skills Books)" • LinkedIn: Chris Fenning • Website: ChrisFenning.com — RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE SHOW — • Article: Egocentrism over e-mail: "Can we communicate as well as we think?" by Justin Kruger, Nicholas Epley, Jason Parker, and Zhi-Wen Ng • Book: "Thinking 101: How to Reason Better to Live Better" by Woo-kyoung AhnSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In today's episode, we tackle attachment with Nicholas Epley. Nick is an expert on human behavior and decision making, a professor of behavioral science and faculty director for decision research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, the author of the highly acclaimed book Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want.  Ever wonder why some people excel in social situations while others struggle? How can understanding the biases that lead us to believe we're effective mind readers of friends and strangers alike transform our interactions? And what simple strategies can we employ to build real connections quickly? Join us as Nick Epley sheds light on these intriguing questions, offering insights from his acclaimed book "Mindwise" and revealing the secret to truly understanding what others think, believe, feel, and want. What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What is the biggest problem that stops us from being able to better understand and predict what other people think? How well do we really know what others think and feel? Dispelling the biggest myth about our brains – 13:36 Why does the biggest myth about how we use our brains continue to persist and why is it wrong? How does perspective drastically change one person's understanding of a situation and what can you do to alleviate the inevitable friction that difference in perspective causes? The biggest hurdles most people struggle with when reading minds – 18:55 What are the dangers of typing vs. talking in our ability to convey sarcasm and understand each other? How does our prediction of future behaviors or reactions in extreme situations often mislead us? When are stereotypes useful and when are they harmful? Dispelling the biggest myth about political polarization – 35:47 Is the country actually becoming more polarized politically or is something else going on that makes us think we're becoming more polarized? The importance of direct communication most people miss – 41:59 What is the best way to make any interaction with a stranger into a positive one that can lead to friendship or romance?  Most people won't do this to create deeper relationships in their lives – 58:40 What do most people avoid doing even though it's the best way to create the deep relationships they want in their lives? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever considered the transformative power of a simple hello or the profound effect of asking someone about their day? Why might our attempts at perspective-taking be inadequate compared to  the straightforward solution of ‘just ask.'Nicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science, and Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He is also the author of a book titled, Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want.Nicholas and Greg discuss how social nuances influence every aspect of our lives. Nicholas's expertise, combined with Greg's teaching experiences, bring to light the nuanced dance of cross-cultural social engagement and the impact of technology on our interactions. This episode isn't just about making more friends or being likable—it's about harnessing the often overlooked science of social cognition to enrich every interaction you have. Discover why the 'superpower' of social cognition might be the most underutilized tool in your personal and professional arsenal.*unSILOed Podcast is produced by University FM.*Episode Quotes:Conversation is an entirely cooperative process 16:25: Conversation itself is just an entirely cooperative process that tends to pull us together with somebody else. So, for us to have a conversation, we have to start by establishing some common ground with each other, figure out what we're going to talk about.That's inherently cooperative. We're going back and forth. We're taking turns. We're cooperating, right? And cooperation tends to pull people together. Reciprocity is, without question, the dominant social norm in social interaction. So, if I were to punch you in the face, you would probably punch me in the face back, right? That'd be a bad interaction. But if I reach out and say hello to you with sort of authentic kindness, you tend to respond back in the same way. And, it's those iterative social processes—those complicated social processes—that people tend to really underestimate the power of.Deep talk is better than small talk, but small talk is better than no talk25:43: Small talk is better than no talk in a given moment; deep talks are a little better, or not as bad as you might think it is. But when you see people reporting that having a really deep conversation with somebody is better than a shallow one, it's typically when they have both and can compare them on their own; the small talk is actually pretty good. How our social thinking keeps us from getting feedback07:50: I think a bigger problem with a lot of our social thinking is that it can create reality, which then keeps us from getting the feedback we need. So Greg, if I thought you wanted to talk to me, I'd have a conversation with you, and I'd figure out if that assessment was right. So I'd get feedback on that because I would approach you and would find out if we're in a coffee shop, I didn't think you want to talk to me or didn't look very interesting, whatever. I decided, nah, I'm not going to have this conversation. Notice I wouldn't have anything to learn from. So when it comes to social thought, sometimes, particularly when it's about whether doing engage with somebody to connect with somebody or not, our beliefs are self-fulfilling, and they can keep us from getting the feedback we need.The truth about our fear of social engagement28:05: Our fears about how social engagement is going to go, particularly when it's positive, just tend to be a little off, a little overly pessimistic, in part because we don't seem to fully appreciate that when you reach out positively to others, they tend to reach out positively to you in return, and people are happier to be seen and have somebody take some notice of them. That's just very powerful—surprisingly powerful.Show Links:Recommended Resources:Juliana SchroederEinfühlungLiz Dunn - UBC Cell Phone ResearchGuest Profile:NicholasEpley.comFaculty Profile at the University of Chicago Booth School of BusinessLinkedIn ProfileHis Work:Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and WantGoogle Scholar Page

The ways supercommunicators operate and how to emulate their techniques.Across more than 130 episodes, Think Fast, Talk Smart has touched a lot on what it takes to be a good communicator. But what about reaching that next level? What about being a “supercommunicator”? Supercommunicator is a term used by Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and author Charles Duhigg in his latest book, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. In this podcast episode, Abrahams and Duhigg explore the precise techniques that distinguish a good communicator from a “supercommunicator:” traits such as active listening; looping for understanding to demonstrate genuine engagement; and identifying what someone is truly feeling, underneath what they actually say.Episode Reference Links:Charles Duhigg: WebsiteCharles Duhigg: BooksDuhigg's New Yorker articleThalia Wheatley's research study: The Repurposed Social Brain Nicholas Epley's research paper: Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper ConversationAlison Wood Brooks' research paper: The Conversational Circumplex: Identifying, Prioritizing, and Pursuing Informational and Relational Motives in ConversationMichael Yeomans' research paper: It Helps to Ask: The Cumulative Benefits of Asking Follow-Up QuestionsSheila Heen's research project: Harvard Negotiation ProjectEp.92 - No Regrets: How to Take Risks: YouTube / Website Ep.82 - It's Not About You: Why Effective Communicators Put Others First: YouTube / Website Ep.103 - Simple is a Superpower: How to Communicate Any Idea to an Audience: YouTube / WebsiteConnect:Email Questions & Feedback >>> thinkfast@stanford.eduEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn Page, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInStanford GSB >>> LinkedIn & TwitterChapters:(00:00:00) IntroductionHost Matt Abrahams introduces guest Charles Duhigg and his new book Super Communicators.(00:01:26) Transition from Habits to CommunicationDuhigg shares how personal experiences and a desire to understand human interactions motivated him to explore communication.(00:02:51) The Neuroscience of Connection The neuroscience behind successful communication and the role of neural entrainment in establishing connection and understanding.(00:04:21) Storytelling as a Powerful Communication ToolThe importance of storytelling in communication and how stories foster empathy and engagement.(00:06:16) Identifying and Aligning Conversation Types Three types of conversations (practical, emotional, social) and the necessity of aligning conversation types for effective communication.(00:08:07) Practices of Super Communicators Insights into the habits of super communicators, including their approach to recognizing conversation types and the importance of deep listening.(00:15:02) Navigating Conflict Through Effective Communication Managing conflictual conversations with a focus on listening, understanding, and managing control dynamics.(00:20:50) Challenges of Online Communication Challenges and strategies for communicating in online and virtual settings.(00:25:04) The Craft and Impact of StorytellingApproaches to storytelling and its significance in making complex ideas memorable and engaging.(00:29:06) Developing New Communication Habits New communication habits developed from Duhigg's research and their impact on personal and professional interactions.(00:31:02) The Final Three QuestionsCharles Duhigg discusses the importance of deep questions, the communicator he most admires, and his recipe for successful communication.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We live in a world constantly bombarding us with messages about who we are, what the good life looks like, and how we can obtain it. In a culture carried by the whims of personal desire and comfort, we hear values like “follow your heart;” in a culture where we are constantly divided from one another, we start to believe that our spite is justified; in a culture that is constantly blaming others, we jump into the blame game. Yet each of these notions lead us not to life, freedom, or peace, but further into death, captivity, and anxiety. In Jesus' ministry, He regularly spoke against all sorts of notions that we consider commonplace today, and in listening and applying His words together, we will find a lasting, peaceful, joyous life in the midst of a culture mired in anxiety, division, and hatred. Listen as Pastor Clint examines Jesus' parable on examining the log in our own eye, the way that refutes our culture's tendency to blame or damn others, and how Jesus' process can lead us to true transformation in the midst of our difficulties with others. Sermon Notes: 1. Study entitled "Less Evil Than You" at the University of Chicago: https://www.chicagobooth.edu/media-relations-and-communications/press-releases/holier-than-thou-or-less-evil-than-you-the-true-nature-of-self-righteousness 2. “People evaluate themselves by adopting an ‘inside perspective' focused heavily on evaluations of mental states such as intentions and motives, but evaluate others based on an ‘outside perspective' that focuses on observed behavior for which intentions and motives are then assumed.” -Nicholas Epley and Nadav Klein, "Less Evil Than You" 3. Barna study on the perception of Christians by non-Christians: https://www.barna.com/research/a-new-generation-expresses-its-skepticism-and-frustration-with-christianity/ 4. “No person knows the strength of another person's temptations. The person with the placid and equable temperament knows nothing of the temptations of the person whose blood is afire and whose passions are on a hair-trigger. The person brought up in a good home and in Christian surroundings knows nothing of the temptation of the person brought up in a slum, or in a place where evil stalks abroad. The person blessed with fine parents knows nothing of the temptations of the person who has the load of a bad heredity upon his back. The fact is that if we realized what some people have to go through, so far from condemning them, we would be amazed that they have succeeded in being as good as they are.” -William Barclay, Commentary on Matthew 5. "The Wounded Healer," by Henri Nouwen

Nick Epley is a Professor at the University of Chicago where he teaches one of the most popular MBA classes: Designing a Good Life.

Nicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science, and Director of the Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and happiness course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. His research has appeared in more than two dozen empirical journals, been featured by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Wired, and National Public Radio, among many others, and has been funded by the National Science Foundation and the Templeton Foundation. He has been awarded the 2008 Theoretical Innovation Award from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, the 2011 Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Contribution to Psychology from the American Psychological Association, the 2015 Book Prize for the Promotion of Social and Personality Science, and the 2018 Career Trajectory Award from the Society for Experimental Social Psychology. Epley was named a “professor to watch” by the Financial Times, one of the “World's Best 40 under 40 Business School Professors” by Poets and Quants, and one of the 100 Most Influential in Business Ethics in 2015 by Ethisphere. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want.Support the show

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Most people say they'd want to read minds. But Prof. Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago Booth School of Business says you already have that power: You just need to use it. We took some time off to enjoy the holiday and our families. And, like many of you here in the vaccine phase of the pandemic, we really cherished speaking to and connecting with people in person again. Which reminded us of an episode we did years ago about a simple but powerful idea…that talking to strangers can make you healthier. We want to reshare that episode with you this week, and we'll be back with a brand new episode next week! Thanks for listening!

The Power of Interacting and Connecting with People with Joe Keohane From a young age, our elders teach us to distrust people we don't know. One of the most popular children's stories revolves around this idea. Little Red Riding Hood goes out to her grandma. She talks to a stranger in the form of a sly fox. She arrives at her grandma's house only to find out she's been tricked. The moral of the story is singular—strangers have wicked intentions, so you have to be wary of them. But is there credence to this?  In today's episode, we're joined by Joe Keohane, a journalist, parallel parker, and a firm believer of the goodness in humanity and strangers. He debunks the stranger danger propaganda and explains the benefits of connecting with people . Cooperation and connection are part of our nature, and also our secret to success. Joe teaches us to overcome our fear of talking to strangers and how to have more meaningful interactions with them. Tune in to the full episode to tap into the power of connecting with strangers for self-expansion! Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode: Discover the benefits of engaging and connecting with people. Understand, on a deeper level, your fear of talking to others. Gain some inspiration and insights into how you can connect with strangers comfortably. Resources Connect with Joe: Twitter | LinkedIn Joe's book, The Power of Strangers Theory of Self-Expansion Mistakenly Seeking Solitude, a report on connecting with strangers conducted by Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder University of Essex social psychologist Gillian Sandstrom Duke evolutionary psychologist Michael Tomasello University of Michigan psychologist Oscar Ybarra Braver Angels organization Create a daily meditation ritual in just seven days! Download BUILD YOUR DAILY MEDITATION RITUAL and other freebies from the Radically Loved website! FREE Action Guide! Apply the lessons you learn from this episode as you listen! Sign up at com, and I'll send it right away! Episode Highlights Behind Joe's Book and the Current Social Climate Joe's parents like talking to strangers. Now, even in their 70s, they still make new friends. He found this trait interesting. Although he is not as confident as his parents, he went into journalism, which involves a lot of talking to strangers as well. After having a moving conversation with a cab driver, Joe realized he hasn't been connecting with people as much as he did. Joe thinks two factors contribute to this decrease in engagement with others: stress from work and the advent of smartphones. Wanting to know more, Joe spent a few years researching how we connect with people. This was the genesis of his book. The Effects of Connecting with People Connecting with people is akin to self-expansion. When you talk to someone and have a profound connection with them, you can gain new perspectives on the world. Talking to someone different from you can also help you expand your viewpoints and reconsider your opinions about their race or country. These connections challenge preconceived ideas of the world and the people in it, which in turn alleviates prejudice and political polarization. The Fear of Talking to Strangers As a child, Joe was bombarded with stranger danger propaganda. Research shows that this belief eroded an entire generation's trust in other people. However, the claim that strangers pose a mortal threat is statistically baseless. In reality, more crimes are committed by people already close to the victim. Things like inequality, gender, race, and political orientation can make it harder to initiate connecting with people. People fear interacting with strangers because they don't know how to do it. Listen to the full episode to hear more about the research behind this anxiety! But once you begin conversing with others, it tends to go much better than you expect. Flipping the Scripts When asked how we're doing, we usually respond to others' questions by rote. These answers are called scripts. Joe challenged himself to break these scripts when he interacts with others. To his surprise, this led to more meaningful interactions, however short. Connecting with people this way can make us feel more optimistic and trusting. We tend to overestimate the rejection we will experience when starting conversations with strangers. Tune in to the episode to find out about the research on the topic! Interactions In-Person vs. On Social Media Social media allows you to be anonymous. You can also plan what you'll say ahead of replying. Meanwhile, talking to people in person is more cognitively challenging. However, you get mentally stronger as you start connecting with people more. In addition, it is our nature to communicate and collaborate with others. It is a trait that set us apart from other mammals and allowed us to form civilizations. Dangers of Disconnecting from People Lack of interaction and connection is poison to society. The polarization that it causes further leads to entrenchment and dehumanization of other people and groups. Online, it's much easier to dismiss people based on their opinions. Whereas in person, we are driven to seek commonality with others. You can have a conversation with people with opposing views. You just have to go out there seeking to understand. Media platforms give us a negative perception of other people. By going out into the world and connecting with others, you can correct this pessimism. Connecting with People in the Current Political Climate Joe recently spent time with an organization that helps Democrats and Republicans connect with each other. Being from Boston and living in New York, Joe identifies as a moderate liberal. His research and experiences made him less dismissive of people from the other side. He's hopeful that while it will take time, we can achieve political rebuilding. If you hear something you don't like, don't be quick to dismiss or respond contemptuously. Instead, pause for a second and try to understand the other view. The Problem with Today's Society Humans are hypersocial creatures. Cooperation is in our basic human nature and the secret to success. But due to various factors, we have become smaller and angrier beings. Now that we're not fulfilling our social needs, rates of depression and loneliness are skyrocketing. To combat this, we need to try interacting and connecting with people. How Joe Feels Radically Loved Joe's 5-year old recently described her love for him as something that makes her heart explode. That's what makes Joe radically loved. 5 Powerful Quotes [12:28] “The main fear that people had was just a fear that they didn't know how to [interact with others].” [16:31] “There's a raft of benefits to even having like kind of high-quality small talk with somebody. You just have to actually do it.” [21:07] “It comes pretty natural to people once they do it. Once they get past the anxiety and once they work those muscles a little bit, it becomes second nature. [31:01] “Instead of being reactive, act more wisely.” [33:38] “We're wired for connection. That's the secret to the success of the species.” About Joe Joe Keohane is a veteran journalist who's held high-level positions in publications like Esquire, The New Yorker, Wired, and Boston Magazine. He has also contributed to writing several textbooks and a screenplay. His life revolves around talking to people he barely knows and reporting facts and data. Fueled by curiosity, he decided to intensively research connecting with people and their value for self-expansion. This work resulted in his book, The Power of Strangers. You can learn more about Joe on his website or connect with him through Twitter and LinkedIn.   This episode brought to you by  LinkedIn LinkedIN Join us for the LinkedIn Accelerator Program www.linkedin.com/creators      This episode brought to you by    MyFitnessPal    MyFitnessPal Get a one month premium subscription today! loved.myfitnesspal.com use the code: loved    Enjoy the Podcast? If you felt radically loved from listening to this podcast, subscribe and share it with the people you love! Love to give us 5 stars? If you do, we'd love a review from you. Help us reach more people and make them feel loved. Do you want to help others reap the benefits of connecting with people? A simple way is to share what you've learned today on social media. Don't forget to follow and message us on these platforms! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosieacosta/ Twitter: https::twitter.com/rosieacosta Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itsrosieacosta To feeling radically loved, Rosie

Coincidences can feel like magic. When we realize that a co-worker shares our birthday or run into a college roommate while on vacation, it can give us a surge of delight. Today, we revisit a favorite episode about these moments of serendipity. Mathematician Joseph Mazur explains why coincidences aren't as unlikely as we think they are, and psychologist Nicholas Epley tells us why we can't help but find meaning in them anyway. 

In this installment of a series on liberalism, Benjamin Klutsey, the director of academic outreach at the Mercatus Center at George Mason University, sits down with Juliana Schroeder to discuss the psychology underlying how trust and distrust are generated as well as practical ways to better facilitate productive interactions, even across severe cultural, ideological, or other divides. Dr. Schroeder is a professor in the Management of Organizations group at the Haas School of Business and a faculty affiliate in the Social Psychology Department, the Cognition Department, and the Center for Human-Compatible AI at UC Berkeley. She also co-founded and directs the Psychology of Technology Institute, which supports and advances scientific research studying the psychological consequences and antecedents of technological advancements. Her research examines the psychological processes underlying how people think about the minds of those around them, and how their judgments then influence their social judgments, decisions, and interactions. She has received funding from the National Science Foundation and awards from the Association for Psychological Science and the American Psychological Association. Want more? Check out Discourse Magazine for more pieces on classical liberalism, politics, economics, and culture. Resources Shannon White, Juliana Schroeder, and Jane L. Risen, When Enemies become Close, https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c171ac1710699e060ed3d94/t/5f6a300a0c80ed485d74a75b/1600794637679/White%2C+Schroeder%2C+%26+Risen+2020+JPSP.pdf Juliana Schroeder and Jane L. Risen, Befriending the enemy: Outgroup friendship longitudinally predicts intergroup attitudes in a coexistence program for Israelis and Palestinians, https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c171ac1710699e060ed3d94/t/5c7b0015b208fcd4071df492/1551564822844/befriending-the-enemy.pdf Seeds of Peace, https://www.seedsofpeace.org/ Braver Angels, https://braverangels.org/ Living Room Conversations, https://livingroomconversations.org/ Psychology of Technology Institute, https://www.psychoftech.org/ Juliana Schroeder, Michael Kardas, and Nicholas Epley, The Humanizing Voice: Speech Reveals, and Text Conceals, a More Thoughtful Mind in the Midst of Disagreement, https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c171ac1710699e060ed3d94/t/5c7aff6ae4966b9aba01f4d6/1551564652086/the-humanizing-voice.pdf Alicea Lieberman and Juliana Schroeder, Two social lives: How differences between online and offline interaction influence social outcomes, https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c171ac1710699e060ed3d94/t/5d5acd294a8ef600016e778a/1566231850150/TwoSocialLives_LiebermanSchroeder.pdf Jamie E. Guillory PhD Jeffrey T. Hancock PhD Christopher Woodruff MD, FRCPC, and Jeffrey Keilman MD, Text Messaging Reduces Analgesic Requirements During Surgery, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pme.12610 The Flipside, https://www.theflipside.io/ The Factual, https://www.thefactual.com/ All Sides, https://www.allsides.com/unbiased-balanced-news Daniel H. Stein, Juliana Schroeder, Nicholas M. Hobson, Francesca Gino, and Michael I. Norton, When Alterations Are Violations: Moral Outrage and Punishment in Response to (Even Minor) Alterations to Rituals, https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c171ac1710699e060ed3d94/t/5fda6b470917ce2aa86a82d8/1608149834372/When+alterations+are+violations+-+proofs.pdf Juliana Schroeder, Jane L. Risen, Francesca Gino, and Michael I. Norton, Handshaking Promotes Deal-Making by Signaling Cooperative Intent, https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c171ac1710699e060ed3d94/t/5c7aff16e2c4834c1a2bee7c/1551564567399/handshaking-promotes-deal-making-by-signaling-cooperative-intent.pdf James A. Coan, Hillary S. Schaefer, Richard J. Davidson, Lending a Hand: Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat, https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01832.x Robert Talisse, Too Much of a Good Thing, https://www.discoursemagazine.com/politics/2020/11/06/too-much-of-a-good-thing/ Danielle Allen, A Matter of Trust, https://www.discoursemagazine.com/culture-and-society/2020/12/04/a-matter-of-trust/

Ponerse en los zapatos del otro confiando solamente en tu intuición no es una buena estrategia para saber qué puede estar pensando o sintiendo una persona. Va a ser necesario algo más por tu parte… si de verdad quieres conseguirlo. Referencia: Tal Eyal, Mary Steffel, Nicholas Epley. Perspective mistaking: Accurately understanding the mind of another requires getting perspective, not taking perspective.. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2018; 114 (4): 547 DOI: 10.1037/pspa0000115

Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want - by Nicholas Epley provided by the sivers.org site as a book notes article. This time a fucked a tiny bit up this is why the half of the video is black or whatever I have decided to put in place…but still a few very very important and interesting thoughts and things. I like it! —————————————————————

Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want - by Nicholas Epley provided by the sivers.org site as a book notes article. Really cool and interesting book so far! Looking forward to going through it today! It might help with overcoming biases and even, I guess, could help you upgrade your emotional intelligence. —————————————————————

Judy Gold is Funny For Fido Comedian Judy Gold joins us to talk about her burning desire to own a dog. She wants a big dog that sleeps with her and looks her in the eye. She minces no words when it comes to dressing up the dog. Listen Now Steven Applebaum is our guest. A former dog-trainer, he now heads up the Animal Behavior College. This institution trains humans for the pet industry. He wants to tell us about his new program training people to train cats. Oh, and yes, they are trainable. Listen Now Richest Acquisition in Internet History Chewy, the online pet product retailer that rocketed to nearly $1 billion in reported sales in only five years, has more than likely set a record for the richest acquisition in Internet history after Chewy was bought by the PetSmart pet store chain. Sources familiar with the deal say the price is $3.35 BILLION dollars. For PetSmart, it is all part of the company's transformational journey. Chewy's founder Ryan Cohen will remain CEO and Chewy will operate largely as an independent subsidiary. Listen Now Drone is a Game Changer for Lost Pets Hobbyist Kenneth Hendrick specifically bought his flying camera drone to look for lost pets in Florida. Teaming up with a Loxahatchee Lost and Found Pets Inc, they search for up to 95 animals a month. He says he reunites pet parents with cats, dogs, pigs, turtles and even calves. Listen Now Anthropomorphizing Your Pet Is Not "Stupid" Dr. Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago says, "Historically, anthropomorphizing has been treated as a sign of childishness or stupidity." But, he claims it actually makes humans smarter and no other species has this tendency. Listen Now Read more about this week's show.

Laura shares some surprising and delightful research from social psychologist Nicholas Epley, and reflects on the kindnesses that have made a big difference in her own life during times of grief and loss. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Nick Epley is the John Templeton Keller Professor of Behavior Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He is the author of the book "Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want." In this episode, Cody talks to Nick about the value of true liberal arts education, the advantages of getting married young, learning the craft of psychology, Nick's crazy proposal to his wife (which didn't go as planned), having kids during grad school, the biggest differences between working in psych departments versus business schools, and what it means to design a good life. More info available at codykommers.com/podcast.

What if the very tech that connects us is taking away our need to interact? Technology connects us to more people than ever before. Yet, as Adam Waytz, author of the book, The Power of Human: How Our Shared Humanity Can Help Us Create a Better World, points out, the data shows we're interacting with one another a whole lot less. We can turn to our apps for restaurant recommendations and our social media platforms for insights into our friends' lives. And we can do all this without ever having to directly communicate with anyone. Adam believes this lack of human interaction is taking its toll. He contends that, "...people are becoming less engaged with each other, which then manifests in things like income inequality, political polarization...treating people as more members of a market economy...versus members of a community." To counter these tendencies, he believes we need to bring more meaning to work. In particular, he recommends, "Getting people to think about the way their work impacts other people..." Doing so helps people "...feel like their work matters and ultimately make[s] them feel more human, even as we see automation creeping around us."  Adam is an Associate Professor of Management and Organizations and a social psychologist at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management.  The Host You can learn more about Curious Minds' Host and Creator, Gayle Allen, and Producer, Rob Mancabelli, by clicking here. Episode Links adamwaytz.com What Money Can't Buy: The Moral Limit of Markets by Michael J. Sandel Social Empathy: The Art of Understanding Others by Elizabeth Segal Mistakenly Seeking Solitude by Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder Simple Ways to Support the Podcast If you enjoy the podcast, there are three simple ways you can support our work. First, subscribe so you'll never miss an episode. Second, tell a friend or family member. You'll always have someone to talk to about the interview. Third, rate and review the podcast wherever you subscribe. You'll be helping listeners find their next podcast. Look for Curious Minds podcast on: Spotify iTunes Tunein Stitcher Google Play Overcast

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Most people say they’d want to read minds. But Prof. Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago Booth School of Business says you already have that power: You just need to use it. Epley’s research has focused on the ways our minds understand, or fail to understand each other. Now, he’s expanded that research to look into why talking to strangers may be the key to better well-being, even if it’s difficult. Subscribe to Big Brains on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher and Spotify.

Expressing gratitude has scientifically proven benefits, both for expressor and recipient, and seems like an all-round good thing to do. So why aren’t we doing this more often? Turns out there’s some very good reasons, and those reasons can be overcome. - Research Paper: 'Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation' by Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley

Nicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Professor of Behavior Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. We cover a wide range of topics including why we guess and make inferences so often, why our intuition about others is often incorrect, and how to remedy our incorrect assumptions. Links Nicholas' Website Nicholas' Book: Mindwise Mindful Communication website Mindful Communication Facebook Mindful Communication Instagram

How do we walk through life and hardships, with our hearts open? This question is something that today's guest, Nicholas Epley, has learned through his own parenthood journey and beyond. As a professor of Behavioral Science, Nicholas researches how we think and why we make the decisions that we do, all of which has influenced ... The post Adoption, Loss, and Parenthood with Nicholas Epley appeared first on Expectful.

  Today we’re talking to Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business whose research explores social cognition, and how people think about other people, to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. His research has appeared in more than two dozen empirical journals, has been featured by the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal among many other media outlets and he’s the author of Mindwise, How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel and Want. In this episode, we discuss how your brain’s ability to understand what others think, believe, feel and want helps you to connect with others.  Nick also explains how this often goes wrong at work due to over-confidence that results in interpersonal misunderstandings and what you can do to improve your ability to mind read when it comes to your relationships. Connect with Nick: Website:  http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/nicholas.epley/   You’ll Learn: [01:57] - Nick explains how we all have a sixth sense that can help us to read each other’s minds. [03:28] - Nick shares why our ability to read the minds of others is vital for our ability to thrive in the world. [05:08] - Nick explains how our ability to read each other’s minds can often go wrong at work. [07:48] - Nick shares what his research has found about how our tendencies for social interpersonal misunderstandings can shape our relationships and our actions at work. [09:57] - Nick explains why interpreting people’s intent in our relationships can be so challenging. [11:31] - Nick explores how our ability to mind read at work could impact people’s levels of psychological safety. [13:15] - Nick shares what his research has found can help us to mind read more effectively. [18:09] - Nick explores how staying out of judgment, and sitting in curiosity might help us to get perspective and be better mindreaders. [19:33] - Nick outlines the findings from his recent research on why people are often reluctant to express gratitude to each other. [23:53] - Nick completes the lightning round. Your Resources: MPPW Podcast on Facebook Nudge by Richard H. Thaler The Wisest One in the Room by Tom Gilovitch Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for joining me again this week.  If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of this post. Please leave an honest review for the Making Positive Psychology Work Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated. They do matter in the rankings of the show, and I read each and every one of them.  And don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes to get automatic updates. It’s free! You can also listen to all the episodes of Making Positive Psychology Work streamed directly to your smartphone or iPad through stitcher. No need for downloading or syncing. Until next time, take care!  Thank you Nick!

We discuss how to have better conversations with award-winning journalist, host of "On Second Thought" and author of "We Need To Talk", Celeste Headlee. Show Notes 1:35— Ian, Darren, and March introduce Celeste and share how we became familiar with her work. 4:24— Celeste talks about how the ability to communicate effectively is a unique human advantage and how losing the ability to communicate constructively can be the difference between life and death. 6:39— The difference between simply tolerating someone and truly understanding their perspective. 8:49— Ian is curious about whether cooperation is a universal human trait. 10:40— Celeste discusses the traits common to all humans; especially the strong need we all have to feel like we “belong”.” 13:56— Sympathy vs. empathy  17:43— Celeste helps Darren identify public role models who demonstrate constructive disagreement and references Brian Cox's response to the question about his spirituality (or lack thereof). 20:03— We discuss why mainstream media's excuse that they simply “give people what they want” is cop out. 22:33— Darren compares “click-bait” to empty calories in a food diet. 23:40— Celeste notes that “there is no replacement for the human voice as an effective tool for communication.” 24:25— Celeste shares how she became interested in the topic of constructive communication. 27:25— Darren shares an experience he had with a roommate in college that enlightened him about the power of giving others the benefit of the doubt. 28:35— March shares his thoughts about why constructive communication is critical for a healthy marriage. 30:20— Ian shares how a sales job early in his career taught him about the importance of making meaningful connections with others. 33:02— Ian asks Celeste how to maintain one's authenticity while trying to empathize with others and Celeste talks about how people regularly “code switch.” 34:15— “A great conversation is like a game of catch.” — Celeste Headlee 36:10— March asks Celeste for advice on how can each of us can make a contribution to a better public dialog; and Celeste shares new research with us on “The Liking Gap. 38:39— “Nobody waves, but almost everyone waves back.” — Celeste quoting from Nicholas Epley's book, Mindwise 39:34— Celeste shares a powerful tip for how we can help ourselves and others avoid falling into an “us vs them” mindset. 41:55— Ian shares how the human genome proves scientifically how much we have in common with one another. 42:50— We discuss social media as a tool that can be used constructively or destructively and the importance of being intentional with one's use of social media. 51:00— Why there is a reason to be optimistic for the future.  54:20— Ian does some spot research to reveal that the term “conversations” is on an upward trend on Google. Mentions

Do we know what others think? What about our partners or closest friends? Nick Epley, author of the book, Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, explains that we can read the minds of others, but not nearly as well as we think. In fact, we can barely read our own minds.  Nicholas Epley is Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. His research has appeared in more than two dozen journals, including the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology and the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, and his work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Wired, NPR, and on CNN. In this interview we discuss: The fact that we aren’t as good at understanding others -- even those closest to us -- as we think we are How our predictions of what a group thinks of us is are, on average, more accurate than what we think any one individual in that group thinks of us Why our confidence in how well we understand people we spend a lot of time with outstrips the accuracy with which we actually do understand them How the faster we decide what another person thinks can cause us to be that much more confident in our assessment, even if we’re wrong The gap between what we think we’ll do in a particular situation and the ways we behave when we’re actually in that situation How we’re really making up stories or guessing when we attempt to explain why we feel a certain way or take a particular action Why a surefire way to ensure we won’t understand others is to dismiss their capabilities, dehumanize them and, in general, distance ourselves from them How we can misunderstand others just by paying attention to different things or focusing on something else Why interpreting information differently from others -- seeing the same situation in a different way -- makes it difficult to understand their perspective How body language reveals much less than we assume when it comes to understanding what others are thinking The importance of perspective getting over perspective taking -- how we need to test out our understanding by asking the other person what their experience was like, listen to what they have to say and then repeat it back to ensure our understanding, rather than work from the stories we’ve made up in our minds How we’re happier connecting with strangers on trains, buses, and in cabs, though we predict we’d be happier if we kept to ourselves Links to Topics Mentioned in the Podcast Nicholas Epley at Chicago Booth Richard LaPiere The Influential Mind by Tali Sharot If you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review it on iTunes - your ratings make all the difference. For automatic delivery of new episodes, be sure to subscribe. As always, thanks for listening! Thank you to Emmy-award-winning Creative Director Vanida Vae for designing the Curious Minds logo, and thank you to Rob Mancabelli for all of his production expertise! www.gayleallen.net LinkedIn @GAllenTC

Judy Gold is Funny For Fido Comedian Judy Gold joins us to talk about her burning desire to own a dog. She wants a big dog that sleeps with her and looks her in the eye. She minces no words when it comes to dressing up the dog. Earl Holliman Dedicating His Life To Animals From stage and screen, actor Earl Holliman is back on Animal Radio to tell us about Fritz Coleman's Comedy Show to benefit Actors and Others for Animals spay and neuter programs. Richest Acquisition in Internet History Chewy, the online pet product retailer that rocketed to nearly $1 billion in reported sales in only five years, has more than likely set a record for the richest acquisition in Internet history after Chewy was bought by the PetSmart pet store chain. Sources familiar with the deal say the price is $3.35 BILLION dollars. For PetSmart, it is all part of the company's transformational journey. Chewy's founder Ryan Cohen will remain CEO and Chewy will operate largely as an independent subsidiary. Training Cats - Yep! Steven Applebaum is our guest. A former dog-trainer, he now heads up the Animal Behavior College. This institution trains humans for the pet industry. He wants to tell us about his new program training people to train cats. Oh, and yes, they are trainable. Anthropomorphizing Your Pet Is Not "Stupid" Dr. Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago says, "Historically, anthropomorphizing has been treated as a sign of childishness or stupidity." But, he claims it actually makes humans smarter and no other species has this tendency. PETCO Wins Lawsuit After Rat Bite Fever Death A San Diego jury has sided with Petco in a lawsuit brought by the family of a 10-year-old boy who died after contracting an illness from a rat purchased at a Petco store. The jury found Petco was not negligent or liable in the death of Aidan Pankey four years ago. The boy's father filed a 20 million-dollar lawsuit saying that Petco knows the rats it sells are likely to carry rat-bite fever. Read more about this week's show.

Nicholas Epley, professor of behavioral science, debunks some dangerous myths about gender differences. Prof. Epley is the author of "Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want". This talk kicked off the Annual CWiB (Chicago Women in Business) Open House event.

Nicholas Epley, professor of behavioral science, debunks some dangerous myths about gender differences. Prof. Epley is the author of "Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want". This talk kicked off the Annual CWiB (Chicago Women in Business) Open House event.

with Nicholas Epley.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

with Nicholas Epley.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We constantly making inferences about the thoughts and beliefs of others but how often do we get it right? On this episode, Dr. Nicholas Epley, professor at the University of Chicago's Booth School of Business discusses Mindwise.

Interview with Nicholas Epley, professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago, about our intuition and decision making. Learn more about Dr. Epley at www.msichicago.org/podcast.