I Love My Shepherd

Question: What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? Transitions come with stress  Attending to the transition, noticing the energy and tasks required Various emotions of transition Nature as an intentional place to "escape" to    Tip #1 - any time in nature is valuable   Tip #2 - nature reminds us every thing happens in its time  notice the transitions in nature itself to validate your own Widen the lens - notice the steady cycle around the changes all around us allow the time of a transition, nature allows the slowness of transitions Job and Song of Songs   Tip # 3 - Look to Nature for Comfort  Nature as therapist Build a trustworthy relationship with nature (and with God) Release of control  Learning by experiencing and presence instead of cognition   Tip #4 - Take a Mindfulness Break Unconscious and conscious integrating for growing awareness Scripture examples in Song of Songs and Job Colorado State U transition handout - https://extension.colostate.edu/docs/pubs/consumer/10214.pdf   Tip #5 - Reflect and Let God Tend to You   Resources -  Life is in the Transitions book - https://a.co/d/8LB7Lha Links to research https://silvotherapy.co.uk/articles/mental-wellbeing-nature-connection https://health.ucdavis.edu/blog/cultivating-health/3-ways-getting-outside-into-nature-helps-improve-your-health/2023/05#:~:text=1.,answers%20you%20were%20looking%20for. https://www.johnmuirtrust.org/resources/788-wild-and-well-nature-connection-wellbeing-and-meaning-in-life https://www.nature.com/articles/nphys898#:~:text=The%20most%20familiar%20examples%20of,melting%20on%20a%20warm%20hand.  

Question: How does nature help with regulation and balance?   Dave's forest therapy training - https://anft.earth/   Emotion Regulation tip #1 - let things be complicated Science and mystery Concrete concepts around ourselves and our bodies as well as spiritual or less concrete concepts around ourselves   Emotion Regulation tip  #2 - we regulate when we provide a space For each other (co-regulation) For ourselves (self-regulation) We are a part of nature and regulate within nature. We are constantly in a process of shedding and restoring. God designed us with internal and externally connected regulation methods.   Emotion Regulation tip #3 - getting out of our own way of regulating How do we accidentally get in the way of regulating naturally? Origins of forest therapy with the advent of tech/media Benefits of the natural world on our cardiovascular system   Emotion Regulation tip #4 -find the blue spaces and the green spaces 3 specific outlined mechanisms for emotion regulation in nature:  foster positive emotions Signals parasympathetic nervous system or rest/wellbeing state  connection and care of nature as respite, rebuilds energy   Emotion Regulation tip #5 - practice grounding Finding a sense in our body that we have a firm foundation, tethered to the ground or our seat Often feel “ungrounded” in chaotic world and holding 3-5 emotions at any given time Increasing vagal tone Links: ANFT website - https://anft.earth/ Enoch story (Genesis 5)  Noah Kahan, Stick Season - https://youtu.be/iWG6apzIWAk?si=EBS0Ll7biACsxNob Inside Out - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2096673/ Job 38-42   Research: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_trees_can_make_you_happier#:~:text=Those%20who%20gazed%20at%20a,break%20from%20our%20frenzied%20lifestyles. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272494424000987#:~:text=In%20everyday%20life%2C%20people%20are,et%20al.%2C%202019).

Welcome to Season 7 of our little podcast! Dave and I are looking forward to a season of talking about three of our very favorite things comingled...well, four really - life in relationships, mental health, the natural world, and spirituality.  Some topics and questions you'll find in the conversation this season include:  How does nature help with emotion regulation? How do I let go of things I can't control?  What skills can nature teach us about life transition and change? How do I start healing from Spiritual Trauma? And more... Look for 7 episodes wherever you get your podcasts. Look for articles and more resources at heidigoehmann.com to complement what you hear. Find Heidi and Dave (mostly Heidi) on instagram - https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ substack - https://substack.com/@heidigoehmann youtube - https://www.youtube.com/heidigoehmannwrites and other media outlets. See you soon! Relationships - always worth the effort. We can't wait to be in discussion with you in the coming weeks. 

Question: How do I let go of things I can't control?   A Dave and Heidi story: the cynical season or “life on the edge” and our first forest therapy attempt Learning to let go of the outcome   Letting Go Tip #1 - Find a practice of noticing what we don't control or can't control Example: stand in the woods or the yard and note the basic elements of nature around you that you can't control   Letting Go Tip #2 - Read Job chapters 38-42 The duality of meaningfulness and meaninglessness The duality of Challenge and acceptance “Job's in scripture because his life was hard, not because he was doing really well at it.”  When it feels like God is jacking around with you, building the trust    Letting Go Tip #3 - Finding non-judgment in nature and God Nature can hold and contain our challenges Psalm 51 - here's my heart, insight in truth and love Notice what confusion is present and bring it to God   Letting Go Tip #4 - Note the cost of control Top three psychological impacts of tightly holding onto control - Stress and anxiety Relationship impact Challenges with resilience based on adaptability   Letting Go Tip #4 - Try out an Ecclesiastical Mindset Seasonal approach to living What is it “a time for” right now, but also letting a new season come Ecclesiastes 3 link: https://www.bible.com/bible/111/ECC.3.1-11.NIV Open your hands to share it, don't go it alone

Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author Chris's book, Grace Under Pressure - https://amzn.to/3FBrdU2 (associate link)   Proactive v reactive approach Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up   Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture The environment Relationships Internal needs Growth mindset – realist outlook + everything is redeemable   Tip 2 – Hold the tension of love with your frustration or anger   Tip 3 – Remember “more than they deserve” Tip 4 – Non-judgment – grace and truth with the understanding that God is judge, not me Tip 5 – Notice other people Tip 6 – values and faith as driver, emotion as information to process Shame Tip 7 – careful of pouring yourself out to the last drop, we are human   The impact of shame and guilt on our internal processing of anger “Holding It Lightly” from dialectical behavior therapy The purpose of frustration and anger  

How do I find more happiness? Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood   Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience   Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation   Tip 2 – avoid all or nothing thinking Allow and acknowledge several emotions in your system at one time Value all the emotions   Tip 3 – We're ok v. Yay! Positive psych and researching the experience of happiness Hedonia and eudaimonia – pleasure v meaning Markers of happiness = relationships, purpose, meaning/gratitude/mindfulness, physical health   Tip 4 – Don't force it   Tip 5 – Know your values to find your eudaimonia happiness Purpose and pleasure, skill and fulfillment DBT values word list available to subscribers at heidigoehmann.com in December     Research: https://positivepsychology.com/predictors-of-happiness/ Waterman, A. S. (2013). Eudaimonia: Contrasting two conceptions of happiness: Hedonia and eudaimonia. In J. J. Froh & A. C. Parks (Eds.), Activities for teaching positive psychology: A guide for instructors (pp. 29–34). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14042-005 Huta, V., Waterman, A.S. Eudaimonia and Its Distinction from Hedonia: Developing a Classification and Terminology for Understanding Conceptual and Operational Definitions. J Happiness Stud 15, 1425–1456 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-013-9485-0

How do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child's?   Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation The value of presence The detriment of sponging emotion   Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids Notice and name the emotion in the room Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else   Tip #2 – go out into nature/Creation to release some emotion Link to forest therapy info: https://www.natureandforesttherapy.earth/   Tip #3 – know your own “stuff” (triggers, concerns, traumas)   Tip #4 – do not assume an emotion, ask about an emotion   Tip #5 – Be aware of triggers with no shame Practice accountability with kindness “I am uncomfortable. I want to hear what you have to say. I want to know what's going on with you. The way it's coming out is challenging for me.”   Tip #6 – hold the duality of parental responsibility with deep parental love and connection Common questions: will they be ok? Will I mess them up? What am I missing? Give yourself space to learn and grow Try to help kids be unburdened by adult problems   Tip # 7 – Maintain your connection with God Pouring out your emotions with God Resting with God Rhythms of prayer as emotionally regulating Hear God speaking to your emotions as a Gospel-oriented, invitation-to-relationship God

How do I help my loved one when they are sad?   Differences in sadness and sorrow definition relationship to distress and emotion regulation   Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness -       Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time -       Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble   Consider the moments when someone becomes aware of something challenging No fixing acknowledgement goes a long way let these emotions be a process let people's emotions, including our own be complicated and layered let it be seen by God with someone invite that person into regular life things    2 Corinthians 1:3-4, God of all comforts, God of all, but especially of comfort Psalm 18:6-8, God's anger at what makes us sad or hurt     Resources: https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/sorrow-an-acknowledgment https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/honoring-our-sorrow-sadness-amp-tears-a-scripture-list-for-lent https://www.kfuo.org/2020/01/20/coffee-hour-012020-no-shame-in-sadness/

Listener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something?   Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people's passions while setting our own boundaries   Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people   Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well as our thoughts   Define Zeal -       great energy or enthusiasm for a cause of goal (google) -       eagerness and ardent interest in something (webster) -       fervor, determination, combined with kindness equalling great devotion (urban dictionary) -       related to passion that is hard to govern   Tip 3 - What is the love within this? What is the fear within this? -        Tip 4 – reserve zeal for injustice to give power to the marginalized Tip 5 – hate doesn't help -       Ted Lasso – Be curious, not judgmental     Tip 6 – You can have boundaries Opt out of conversations – place for avoidance and distraction, change of focus Opt of relationships – what relationships in our life hold zeal in health and which are overwhelming Boundaries with your own emotions   Resources: Atlas of the Heart - https://amzn.to/46uBrRD Subsribe to heidigoehmann.com for more.

Listener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries? Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries  The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness” Cognitive empathy: Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions about what they are thinking and how they see the world and their current experience.  Emotional empathy: Do they need us to see their feelings? Listen and ask questions that help them name their emotions and give a space to honor them without judgment.  Boundary #1 – self-differentiation Boundary #2 – no drama making, honor the degrees of separation Boundary #3 - know your lens: perspective, bias, and assumptions Boundary #4 – empathy doesn't fix people Boundary #5 – know your bandwidth  Boundary #6 – be yourself in your kind and compassionate clothing Boundary #7 – recognize all of our capacity for suffering   Mental Health Tool - Gut check practice Series on empathy at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/igniting-empathy-inside-of-me https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/how-do-we-talk-with-empathy https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/bringing-empathy-to-social-media

How do I get more pleasure in my life and relationships? Getting past the word pleasure - Culture and church cringy word, kind of awkward, vaguely sexual  Pleasure definition = enjoyment, satisfaction 1 - Look for pleasure to be relationship focused 2 - ask deeper questions about pleasure 3 - pleasure in balance with other emotions 4 - noticing skills   3 stages of pleasure: Wanting – expectation/anticipation, pursuit/drive Liking – sensation experience of pleasure, hedonistic hotspots in the brain Learning – brain updating information, making future predictions; brain begins linking neurotransmitters that were harder to link before     Resources: Altogether Beautiful video on expanding our understanding of pleasure 45 sec Preview: https://youtu.be/902FvFLwbA0?si=P8irRsjz0AH2ZQXj https://vimeo.com/ondemand/altogetherbeautiful/260826340 https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2004/11/berridge https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/202107/the-new-neuroscience-pleasure

Welcome back! The Life in Relationship Podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. We are looking forward to sharing Season 6 with you. This season we are answering relationship questions all about Emotions to celebrate Heidi's book release of Emotions & the Gospel: Created for Connection. Emotions covered include: pleasure, anxiety, happiness, sadness & sorrow, frustration, zeal, and empathy. Join us for episodes dropping in September. Submit your relationship questions at lifeinrelationshippodcast@gmail.com. See you soon!

Topic: Topic: How do you break up well?How do I know it's healthy to start dating again after a divorce or breakup?   The weightiness of breakups Reminding us of our need as humans for intimacy There are ways to do break ups “better”, but no way to do it “easy”   Keep it classy, kind, and clear Break ups are in a moment, but the work of a break up is long term face to face universally preferred in the research What do you need and what needs healing? Find your support people Consider the impact on relationships beyond yourself   Allow for emotions Give opportunity to process for yourself and your break up partner let complex emotions be there, just listen and then move forward Own what needs to be owned, don't own what isn't yours Dave's wisdom = “It's not you, it's us.” space before friendship Happier music video: https://youtu.be/m7Bc3pLyij0   Give yourself time and space for the grief Set needed boundaries Homeostasis, getting to normalcy and comfort Pay attention to your internal dialogue and engage in healthy and aware self-talk A good time to engage in your spiritual life for foundation safety/comfort Space in communication disenfranchised grief and awareness of the stages of grief markers for “moving on”   Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338013/ Necessary Endings: https://amzn.to/3PD8Q4Q Short answer: Keep it classy and give yourself time.    

How do partners take care of each other when they have a baby?   1 – Learn together, about baby and each other What are your unique challenges?   Gender role complications Awareness of shifts and changes with each baby Embrace flexible curiosity Make space and room for letting the baggage come out     2 – hold the good and bad together for and with another Acknowledge the impossibility of the unpredictable nature of parenting   Some common anxieties: Exhaustion Anxiety about infant or just life Changes in other relationships (boundaries with others) What support is available Physical touch and sensory overload Uncertainty of needs – other and within self Communicating about something so new Losing who I am outside of parenting     3 – Notice where your partner needs and respond to each other with grace Hormone changes and adjustment for both partners sleep deprivation messes with you validate and offer small touches to ground partner notice mess and mindfully notice joy Caring for each other outside of motherhood and fatherhood Caring for each other by splitting duties household chores episode – https://ilovemyshepherd.libsyn.com/household-chores   4– help one another remember yourselves outside of parenting remember it's a season go out and make nice moments happen when you stay in get to know baby and let baby get to know you - acclimate to baby, but also let baby acclimate to you     Resources: Gottman Bringing Up Baby course -  https://www.gottman.com/blog/bringing-baby-home-the-research/ And Baby Makes Three - https://amzn.to/3B79iBj (affiliate link)     Short answer: Plan for the unplannable and watch yourself grow.

Topic: Where do I turn if I'm wrestling with my faith?   Intro: special guest Tanner Olson, Written to Speak, the poetry master   Wrestling can be scary, but healthy Can feel like a journey, a battle, a dessert, normalcy, mediocrity Common Questions: Is God still who He says He is? Is God still close to me? Validating your questions and feelings goes a long way in making wrestling feel safer Keep talking to God – step toward relationship and revelation, getting to know God rather than always answering the whys     Wrestling can bring growth and depth of faith Find people you can talk to about the questions and wrestlings Making peace with wrestling as part of the faith process Research studies reveal wrestling as a widely experienced phenomenon: Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2839364/ Barna - https://www.barna.com/research/two-thirds-christians-face-doubt/ Study of Islam - https://yaqeeninstitute.org/read/paper/what-causes-muslims-to-doubt-islam-a-quantitative-analysis (Yaqeen Instititute for Islamic Research) Predominate themes in wrestling: moral and social concerns, philosophical and scientific concerns, personal trauma There is nothing wrong with you and sometimes it's hard to see we are loved, forgiven, free, etc.   Everyone's relationship with God looks different We can rest in what we do know – “I know how this story ends” Faith looks different in different seasons of life Value of silence and stillness (Walk a Little Slower: pg. 104) Wrestling in the daily walk (Walk a Little Slower: pg. 52) Sometimes we think, sometimes we are invited to just be, sometimes we wait What to look for in wrestling companions Tanner wisdom: “Let the cheesy things still be true.”       Resources: writtentospeak.com Tanner's books - Walk a Little Slower - https://amzn.to/3IPETu7 As You Go - https://amzn.to/3IMa49A I'm All Over the Place - https://amzn.to/3KYc0h1 Short Answer: Let yourself be curious and let the cheesy things be true.

Topic: How do I talk to someone I love who is struggling with their mental health? Intro: Changing stigma towards mental health Step 1 - changing our beliefs Step 2 - changing our actions related to beliefs 2019 APA survey: https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/05/mental-health-survey   What is my relationship with this person? (4:30) Relationship = vulnerability + boundaries Where are they at? Consider the person's willingness to have the conversation Can they see the concerns or are they mostly unaware? Use the phrase – “I've noticed” or “Have you noticed…” Start with culturally normative symptoms or what might be easiest from them to hear Shift our own understanding about mental health as part of everyone's everyday life   Get some info for yourself Nami - https://nami.org/Support-Education and Mental Health First Aid and Fresh Hope groups recognize our own anxieties about mental health Mental Health First Aid: https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/take-a-course/find-a-course/ Determining a crisis v. non-crisis situation QPR training for suicide prevention: https://qprinstitute.com/individual-training Concerns about suicide: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/   Consider your language and your relationship with your own mental health (18:00) Do not make assumptions Ask lots of questions Use a tone of respect People are more responsive when we are willing to deal with our own stuff Be authentic in our own struggles The struggle isn't usually the same intensity forever   Have some resources ready and check back in (23:30) Hotline resources - https://www.rainn.org/ https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/ https://www.thehotline.org/ for family and relationship violence 211 – basic resources local to you look up some local therapists therapist search on Heidi's website: https://heidigoehmann.com/connect Combat veteran resources and info around trauma Normalizing combat trauma - https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/common/common_veterans.asp Find an EMDR therapist - https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/ Get your own therapy if they are resistant (or if they aren't) books – Maybe You Should Talk to Someone - https://amzn.to/3EXYkhV Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Workbook - https://amzn.to/3HPMpEL             Soul of Shame - https://amzn.to/3pViWTK       Daring Greatly - https://amzn.to/3zwOpPw Fresh Hope Workbook - https://amzn.to/3faK0YV Fresh Hope website - https://freshhope.us/ Loving Someone Series – PTSD - https://amzn.to/34oRh5s Bipolar - https://amzn.to/3zsYEnK ADHD - https://amzn.to/3mYkmuY   Don't forget boundaries for yourself with compassion   Mental health page at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/mental-health-1 Relationship page at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships     Short Answer: There is no perfect way to have the conversation - start somewhere, with a resource and a single awkward conversation.    

Topic: How does a family adjust to someone becoming an adult? Developmental realities, independence and angst The reality of Young Adulthood – How do I access independence? A Story: getting your first cold and/or changing your major in college   Tip 1 – Celebrate small things of young adulthood baby steps reminds us we are capable telling each other you are capable = part of family life   Tip 2 – be mindful of the stages of parenting parenting changes over time and with developmental levels of kids   article from Berkley calls the last state a “guide” https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/three_ways_to_change_your_parenting_in_the_teenage_years making decisions for small children, to making decisions but offering choices, to making decisions with your child, supporting decisions alongside your child   Tip 3 – be interested in one another as people find some new rituals and traditions as well as new ways to connect spiritually 4 areas to grow as family members grow – emotions, routines, freedom, and conversations (licensed family therapist online) Article: https://imperfectfamilies.com/grow-up-with-your-kids/ Gottman “Creating Shared Meaning” and “Rituals of Connection” https://www.gottman.com/blog/create-shared-meaning-rituals-for-the-family/   Dave's bonus tip for parents of YAs – “take opportunities to be chill” Heidi's bonus tip – “believing in eternity means I don't have to be worked up about this moment”   Tip 4 –  transition takes effort and energy and is worth effort and energy relationship is made of vulnerability and boundaries Family members of YAs – consider what you want and what's realistic respect their voice and freedom check ins with low expectations YAs seek help, communicate needs set boundaries, lead the way in defining your boundaries love your family as people not what they do for you     Short answer: relationships need to transition as life transitions

Question: How do we split up “the chores” of a household? For marriage, roommates, families, etc. Dave & Heidi housekeeping love story Gottman research, wives find spouse doing housework erotic Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-typical-solvable-problems-relationships/   do what works, not what is expected Identifying expectations from other places – culture, family of origin, assumptions equality doesn't mean 50/50, it's seeing each other as equals there is no perfection in chore life: dailyness of life together in a household and the value of working on the daily things together even when they aren't fun name your own expectations and desires: what needs to be done? How often? On certain days? etc. avoid extreme chore mentality consider the mental energy of appts and schedules and bills, etc, outdoor/indoor “I need you to participate more fully in (fill in the blank)” building your family culture: we all live here, we all have jobs to get the stuff of life done   talk about it, write it down, list it all out (15:00) TED method: https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-split-the-chores-with-your-partner-minus-the-drama-and-fighting/ note what builds resentment keep in mind, it's not a competition Tiffany Dufu, Drop the Ball, “we tend to be blind to household jobs that we don't do.” cutting what is unnecessary and outsourcing (payment for something is related to privilege but doesn't necessarily need to be an area of shame) 2018 compilation of studies from Harvard Business School – higher satisfaction in outsourcing discussion: https://www.hbs.edu/ris/Publication%20Files/18-072_b1d8cdda-fbb1-46ae-afd7-6742d2195f25.pdf Asking questions: What can we stop doing? What do we each like doing?             What do I never want to do?             How can we split it up? think about it as a “communication playground”   ongoing, constant conversation (29:52) marriage contract joke make trades ask for help in both directions   Short answer: talk about it, talk about it more, write it down, be extremely practical in this area

Question: How do we come to terms with the closure of a childhood friendship? What are ways to find contentment and peace when that friend no longer reaches out to us? Submitted by listener, Emily    our childhood BFFs Research moment: 1 in 10 friendships survive into adulthood   Children practice being a friend and there's a learning curve. Children are learning how to be humans and learning relationship is part of that. Cultural misunderstandings – childhood friendships are backbones of our relational lives Research shows that having childhood friendships matters, but social support is what really has an impact longitudinally. Study with middle schoolers: http://www.llcsjournal.org/index.php/llcs/article/view/214 Learning the effort of friendship from models and mentors in our lives Naming the complexities of relationship for one another   Friendship sometimes lasts for a moment, a season, or a lifetime. Some friendships will end, every friendship doesn't have to be a lifetime relationship The difference between guilt and shame when a relationship ends Listening to the Spirit and your spirit for deciding where to put effort in friendships Taylor Swift, Long Pond Documentary - https://www.disneyplus.com/movies/folklore-the-long-pond-studio-sessions/3Xlc0EjKtKpp values and personalities more important over affinities and interests Research link: https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/why-adolescent-friendships-end Concordia Publishing House values article: Honor the past as well as the present of the relationship v adding expectations, honor the other person's sacrifice as well   Growth mindset that allows grieving but also growing up. Friendships are best when the individuals grow in them, even if that means growing apart some people grow in the same direction and some in different directions, both are growth Non-judgment and letting people who they are Effort, asking for what you need, asking for what they need How to let go: allow yourself some space to grieve and be disappointed, connect with God's unchanging nature and friendship, experience grace around the friendship Honor it – reflect on good memories, consider what that relationship brought into your life and practice gratitude for the gift DBT with Dave – let the friendship be what it is ;)   Short answer: friendships have their seasons

The Life in Relationship podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. Our goal is more genuineness and authenticity in each of our relationships each day. Hear more about the new format on this short trailer and start submitting your questions to lifeinrelationshippodcast@gmail.com. People are always worth the trouble and relationship is worth the effort.

The epistles are what I like to think of as “big-word books.” They teach us about abstract concepts like propitiation, redemption, atonement, and righteousness. This can be intimidating, but also enlightening.   Today's spiritual practice gives us grace for when we encounter big words in Scripture or big ideas. Our goal today is to also build our ability to sit in not knowing “the answer” and discovering new ideas about God or new understanding in our relationship with God by simply engaging with His Word.   A Reading from Jude from the ESV translation             Dave's contemplation:             Blaspheme             Predictions of the apostles             Names in the passage    The practice: Read through one of the letters of the New Testament or a chapter of the Bible (Romans is always a good place to start if you aren't sure where) Focus on a word or phrase you don't understand or are simply intrigued by   Tips: Look at context Scripture interprets Scripture Look up cross references in your study Bible or on a Bible app or concordance Ask a friend about it Post on social media to hear other people's thoughts on the word (considering the source and with the filter of the Word of God) or bring it up somewhere else Pray for God to direct you in His Word to knowledge and understanding about this concept. Ask a pastor or other theologian about Hebrew and Greek Find the other related narratives in Scripture     Resources: Concordia Commentaries - https://amzn.to/2TTtzck People's Commentaries - https://amzn.to/3j3urWb (affiliate links)   https://blog.cph.org/read/4-ways-to-draw-near-in-the-new-year © 2019 Concordia Publishing House. Used with permission.  

Always Growing: The Spiritual Practice of Adventure Practices for spiritual growth – always focusing on drawing near Greg Finke = Where are we going today, Jesus? Joining Jesus on His mission - https://amzn.to/3u5JAcb God wants to do daily life with us – Name 3 places you go in your day or week that God goes with you Life is an adventure – Seeing the adventure right where you are at What adventures can you spot in your own home or family? How do we encounter trouble in our daily life? How do we encounter questions and searching? Where do we encounter resolution and restoration? Where do you see God sending people to help you along the way? The Open Hands - Slowly read through a short passage in the Gospel accounts. Who is Jesus connecting with in this account? Where is He going? What is He doing and/or saying? Open your hands up and ask God where He would like to send Jesus into the world, through you today. How is the Holy Spirit faithfully directing your words in daily conversations? Remembering experiences of adventure and God’s faithfulness

Episode 16 – Always Growing: Practices for Spiritual Growth being with God v. producing something for God We can be doing all kinds of things for God, but very little to draw near to God.   Today and to come: four practices for drawing near useful every day and especially useful for connecting to God in and around our challenges Thanks to CPH for letting me pull apart this article and use it a little more.   What are your practices for drawing near to God? Organic as well as intentional Being aware/conscious in our traditions   Where does the growth from your daily practices/yearly practices come from? Which are adding growth and awareness and which are added extra?   Reading God’s heart rather than about growth   Gottman Sound Relationship House Theory - https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-is-the-sound-relationship-house/ Drawing near = connecting with God, building love maps with God, rituals of connection with God   What is stopping us from drawing near to God? Identify your barriers Where is God working to transform you through those challenges?   https://blog.cph.org/read/4-ways-to-draw-near-in-the-new-year © 2019 Concordia Publishing House. Used with permission.   Always Growing in Awe The Spiritual Practice of Woah “Sometimes we need to see and remember God as big and infinite. He can’t always be understood through the relationships we see and experience here on earth. As you sit down to draw near, pull out Genesis 1 or Job 38. Look around you and notice one detail of nature and creation. Consider God’s voice speaking this thing into being. What care does God have for this one small detail? What authority does He have over it? What gift(s) does He give us through it? Imagine how Jesus will restore all things in the new creation. Ask Him what He has put before you to steward and care for in the meantime.” Give yourself a moment to be woahed by God and His care of all things.  

Special guest: Rev. Michael Newman   Tell us about yourself and your journey with grief.   What aspects of grief make growth challenging? “big” and “small” loses Grief upon grief + grace upon grace Lack of cultural methods for honoring grief shame/disempowerment in loss and grief     Relational resources designed to be shared Hope When Your Heart Breaks doses of God meeting you in darkness and pain of grief for self, for others good choice   Getting through Grief adult and youth version charting a course – 8 gifts God gives to help us through grief conversation, forgiveness, love, hope, faith, community, purpose, presence   What practices help us connect to God, rather than turning away from God, in our grief? Time to be in God’s presence Dialogue with God Watching for God’s work   Tell us about any particular resources you would recommend for grieving and growth.  Resurrection story of Jesus Joy of the Lord is our strength Romans 8 Lazarus Jacob wrestling with God “Struggle Well” - https://amzn.to/38D6NKf “God Meant it for God” by RT Kendall - https://amzn.to/30KT5R7 Henri Nouwen “The Return of the Prodigal Son” - https://amzn.to/3liViMW People in recovery programs *these are affiliate links  

The research: 2017 – 3 part research project – confirmands, young adults (2000+), focus groups YA Relationships Count available for free - https://www.cph.org/p-34106-relationships-count-engaging-retaining-millennials-ebook-edition.aspx   Other research available: Fuller Youth Institute Sticky Faith Research https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/stickyfaith/research   Barna Trends in Youth Ministry: https://www.barna.com/research/the-priorities-challenges-and-trends-in-youth-ministry/   Goal: Youth can name five people who walked with them. know their name know several things about them check in with them outside of programs     What elements make up a supportive relationship? Retaining the relationship over time Caring in joys and sorrows Christ-centered example of living out faith in life Openness to letting them walk with you through life preparing for transitions and responding to crisis Cloud of witness, varied perspectives     What is missing for youth and young adults if they don't have supportive relationships in their lives outside their family members? Being seen and heard, listened to – being a mirror to the value God has for them People to identify their gifts, skills, and passions sacrificial love and knowledge of the truth Bringing law and gospel to them in the most accurate way     What are some ways adults can nurture relationships with teens? How do those relationships change and grow as those teens enter young adulthood? Champion for youth – church workers and invested lay people Find the young people Foster connection – find ways to maintain relationships into adulthood   Ways to keep the relationship going - More than one touchpoint, keep coming back Makes things special around transitions still Re-opening mindfully with value-added   Who was there for you?

with guest Heather Ruesch Focus: We grow best not in meeting with God occasionally or even regularly, but in God's presence in our life always.   When was a moment you had the sense of the presence of God's Spirit?   God invites us to know His Spirit. Psalm 139:7 What places in your life do you find it's easy to forget that God is present with you?   God invites us to know His faces, to connect with every part of His character. Psalm 139:7 What kinds of things do you think leave people feeling like they have limited access to God?   God invites us to know eternity. Psalm 139: 8 What phases or points in our development in this life do you notice give us a special opportunity to lean in and grow closer to God in relationship?   Find Heather here: http://www.heatherruesch.com/ Find all the Always Growing segments on lifespan development and Psalm 139 here: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog

with guest Heather Ruesch Focus: We grow not just in knowledge of God, but when we remember who God is and what He’s done for us.   Which are you more comfortable with in your relationship with God: knowledge or experiences?   God is omniscient. Psalm 139:4 Where do you see the evidence that God knows us wholly or altogether?   God is interested. God sees the details. Psalm 139:3 Name a Scripture story that helps you remember God has the whole plan, our whole path, before Him   God is near. Psalm 139:5 What kinds of things in life help us remember our dependence on God?   Find Heather here: http://www.heatherruesch.com/ Find all the Always Growing segments on lifespan development and Psalm 139 here: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog    

Special guest: Darcy Paape, director of the Women’s Leadership Institute at Concordia University Wisconsin and author of Someone to Walk With   What is mentoring? Intentional Organic Being willing to share both strengths and weaknesses Creating relationships and creating spaces   What is the person looking for? Examples: Affirmation? Coaching? Evaluation? Someone to listen?   Building blocks of mentoring: Humility & Willingness Cross-generational mentoring examples: Elizabeth and Mary Ruth and Naomi   Building blocks of mentoring: Communicating & Commitment Finding a mentor God with us in the challenges Identify the ally or sweeper to help you connect to someone   Resources: Someone to Walk With by Darcy Paape - https://amzn.to/3mhC09P Someone to Walk With Facebook Page - https://www.facebook.com/someonetowalkwith Thanks for the Feedback - https://amzn.to/2LBgTCI The Reluctant Witness: Discovering the Delight of Spiritual Conversations - https://amzn.to/3oN4WrV University of New Mexico – Mentoring Institute + Conference - https://mentor.unm.edu/ Wake Forest University – Mentoring Resource Center - https://mentoring.opcd.wfu.edu/ Women’s Leadership Institute Mentoring Workshops - http://wlicuw.org/ darcy.paape@cuw.edu

What playgrounds do you remember being in your life as a kid?   Purpose of playgrounds Purpose of Being   Being + doing is the goal, holding both together   God’s relationship to being Examples in Scripture   Colossians 3:23-24 Colossians 3:17   God’s relationship to doing Examples of Scripture   Mary and Martha in all of our lives   In what ways are you being with God? In what ways are you doing for/with God?

Sense of worth = an internal awareness that as created creatures of God we have value How does God’s delight in us inform our sense of worth? Concept of mutual delight, God to us and us to God   Struggle with worth - Delight is not determined by what I do. Seeing our worth based on our relationships with people Worth based on what we do or my performance   Engaging in God out of response playing from delight v playing for it what is our vantage point of God? Father of Love v. Father of Judgement   Our worth within the narrative of God’s plan: Creation to New Creation   Holding the tensions of life together to see God’s delight is still with us in difficult things: repentance and delight the now and not yet   Justin’s book – Delight! Discipleship as the Adventure of Loving and Being Loved: https://amzn.to/2HDOzxm* *this is an affiliate link

Episode 7 – The Truth about Mental Health: Hope Special guest: Tanner Olson, aka Written to Speak   Get to know Tanner Why is hope so important for our mental health and for our relationships? Hope changes the narrative Hope as the bridge between mental health and our relationships The power of sharing narrative Sharing hope on the internet   Hope with words Hope without words   Honoring the heavy to get to the hope Sitting alongside someone in the back and forth of sharing brokenness and hope Finding Joy in our smallness before God   Poetry Break: Somedays     Searching for a definition of Hope Big H hope and small h hope Big and small spaces for sharing hope   Poetry Break: Stay   What are the tiny things of life that give us hope? What’s your confetti cake?   Find out what their Star Wars, or their Space Jam, or their confetti cake is   Poetry Break: As You Go + pg. 57   Find Written to Speak: https://www.writtentospeak.com/ https://www.facebook.com/writtentospeak https://www.instagram.com/writtentospeak/ https://twitter.com/writtentospeak

With Special Guest, Sue Steege Director of Christian Education, transformation and discipleship ministry focus Goal – making it safe and doable for parents to be faith growers Moving from Wow to Win How can I set up a win for a parent to transmit the faith? How can I set up a safe way for parents to feel successful in sharing their faith? What opportunity can I set up for families to participate in faith together? Contribution: Allowing and creating opportunities for contribution Follow up with those in the communities What opportunities can we offer for kids to be able to contribute? What do kids have to contribute? Vulnerability: How do kids open us to the heart of God? Engaging other adults in teaching kids to form many supportive relationships Extending invitations continuously Walking through hard times in life together Attachment, brain science, and faith Ideas from Sue: Use the Bible App to teach parents to lead a family devotion Goodnight with Sue and Zanmi, teaching parents to give a blessing - https://youtu.be/K9OY5H9Q4eQ Give kids space to worship Prayer partners during worship Prayer parties with blankets Resources: Just a Phase – OrangeBooks The Other Half of Church - https://amzn.to/2FzpItG Kindling the Heart Family Devotions - https://amzn.to/3mt4izB (*amazon links are affiliate links)

Did you have a stuffed animal or a “lovie” growing up? What was your relationship to the lovie?   What do stuffed animals do for kids? What can stuffed animals teach us about Jesus?   Comfort – a physical reminder of the abstract comfort we need as kids a sense of power and agency with something that is smaller than them Representation of the abstract, sometimes hard to access, comfort Jesus brings             2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Sensory input, but also knowledge we can seek out what we need Comfort for fears   Companionship - Knowing we aren’t alone, something to hold but also a special friend Physical thing, but also powerful Representative of the compassion of Jesus             Feeding of the 5000 (Matthew 14) Representative of the gentleness of Jesus             Palm Sunday, riding in on a donkey (Matthew 21)             Let the little children come to me (Matthew 19)

Marriage as a Process…Not a Product What kinds of things in life do you want instant fruit or instant rewards? What kinds of things would you like your spouse to just know about you? Read Ephesians 4:11-16. Where do you see truth and love alive throughout the timeline of your marriage? What does the process of healing or forgiveness look like in your marriage? Wellness Exercise: Open the conversation in your marriage around this discussion: How have we grown since last month? YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/6lDHfC5xBjU Find all the Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed. Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships  

Special Guest: Matt Schuler, pastor and friend   What is trust? Heidi’s definitions of trust: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/always-growing-what-is-trust   Designed for trust in God Proverbs 3:5-8   Trust impacted by brokenness Psalm 28:7   Is God trustworthy? Cultural norms Boundaries and trust Dare to Lead elements of trust - https://amzn.to/3kH7bf5 (affliate link)   Walking forward with trust wounds   Find more resources on trust, mental health, and genuine relationships at heidigoehmann.com

12 Days of Physical Touch What are the purposes of physical touch in marriage? What are the benefits of physical touch in marriage?   How do physical touch and sexuality change in different stages of marriage?   Name a time your partner comforted you with physical touch.   What difference in capacities for physical touch do you and your spouse have, if any?   Wellness Exercise: Read Matthew 19:13-15. Consider how love, affection, and belonging is communicated in your household? In what ways is physical touch a part of this communication, and what one idea regarding touch might you add to your marriage or family relationships?   YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/L43RiUi8bzw   Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships   Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed. Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Special Guest: Justin Hanneman, PhD, LIMHP, pastor GracePoint Relational Health https://www.relationalhealth.org/   What is attachment? “secret sauce” Trust, sense of safety, and attachment from infancy to adulthood   Sense of safety at the subconscious level Implicit memory + early relationships Definition of implicit memory = https://dictionary.apa.org/implicit-memory   Love your neighbor and a God as perfect attachment figure while we imperfectly try to love one another. “Attentive caregivers are the answer.” “We’re not always here to deliver from as caregivers, but to deliver in.”   How attachment happens: Available Capable Willing   Finding the relationships we need Two types of relationships What are our attachment needs right now in this stage of development? Paying attention to our attachment reflexes   Brain health, mental health, and attachment   Grace, self-compassion, other-compassion, and attachment   Find more resources and discussion on mental health and genuine relationships at heidigoehmann.com

Love and Respect Got to Do with It Article: https://blog.cph.org/read/everyday-faith/whats-love-and-respect-got-to-do-with-it Read Ephesians 4:32 and Ephesians 5:21. How do each verse impact the whole of how we understand love and respect within our marriages? How is respect important in a marriage? How is love important in a marriage? How do the two overlap? Which is the most challenging for you – assuming the best in your spouse, talking nicely when emotions are high, or dealing with submission in concept or reality? Wellness Exercise: How do you make decisions in your marriage? Where do you see love and respect in this process? How can you bring more love and respect, as well as grace, into this process? YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/xjQ2bRgJzz0 YouTube extras: Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed. Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Why the First Year of Marriage is So Hard Article: https://blog.cph.org/read/family/first-year-marriage-stinkin-hard Radio spot: https://www.kfuo.org/2017/12/01/faf-120117-first-year-marriage-hard/   What memories do you have from your first year of marriage? Be sure to include at least one hard memory and one happy memory.   What kinds of things do you think can or do make that first year of marriage more growth-oriented?   How did you respect and create your own new family in your first few years of marriage? What would you do differently if you had it to over again?   Wellness exercise: What can you celebrate about one another today? Take turns telling your spouse three ways they make your life better.   More on leaving and cleaving: https://youtu.be/M7V5OIixM_I   YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/LLQe5E9mwG4   Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships   Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed. Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Treasuring Up in Marriage Read Luke 2:16-19 What kinds of things do you think Mary was pondering or treasuring up?   What kinds of things in marriages, in general, are helpful to “treasure up”?   What kinds of things can you treasure up in your own marriage? What moments are in the treasure store of your marriage?   Wellness exercise: When you look across the difficult times in your marriage or life together, consider 2-3 things that can be treasured up from those experiences together. YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/3_MM6Rn38j4   Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships   Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed. Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

What to Do When Your Spouse Gets on Your Nerves   How do kindness and a sense of humor help when talking about difficult things or prickly things in marriage?   Read Matthew 7:3-5. What kinds of things do you think are worth discussing and getting upset about in marriage and life, and what kinds of things are not?     What is the difference between internally reflecting and responding when your spouse gets on your nerves?     Wellness exercise: Kindly discuss one thing you each do that gets on the other’s nerves and utilize the question, “Why does this bother me?” to reflect on the internal value is wrapped up in the irritability? Or consider the question, “How should we deal with this together?”     YouTube Video Link: Podcast episode: 30           YouTube extras: Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Love & Honor Your Mother-in-Law How does our culture represent mother-in-laws?   Read Genesis 2:24-25. Brainstorm any relationships impacted by leaving and cleaving and what impacts you see in your own marriage.   How can we care for one another in the family through the transition of leaving and cleaving?     Wellness exercise: Name a few ways your own marriage has been impacted in both positive and more challenging ways by in law relationships. Rejoice over the gifts those relationships have brought and pray over at least one of the ways those relationships are challenging.   YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/M7V5OIixM_I   YouTube extras: Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

When Contempt Threatens Describe contempt in your own words. Which aspects of contempt stick out to you the most?   What does respect do for a marriage?   Consider the list of concrete ways contempt is given. Which of these strongly effect you, no matter where they are given?   Read 2nd Samuel 6:16-23. What emotions are behind Michal’s contempt?     Wellness Exercise: Watch a tv show together and watch for ways the characters show contempt in home life. Imagine ways together that they might recover from each of those moments of contempt.   Resources: Love and Respect Workbook https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/   Youtube video link: https://youtu.be/_ONqehzZBEE   YouTube extras: Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Will You Fight for Me? What do you each remember most about your wedding?   In what ways do you fight for one another in your marriage?   How is forgiveness part of fighting for one another in marriage?   How do you show each other you are fighting for one another? Wellness exercise: Make a list together of three things you value together in your marriage and discuss concrete ways you fight for these things in your marriage, or new ways you can prioritize them in your marriage.   YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/hqIwmHkAyks   YouTube extras: Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Three Places to Never Argue Questions: Where have you argued and it hasn’t gone well?   When and how have you experienced struggles in arguing in any of the three places: Riding in the car In the bedroom (especially preparing for bed) In front of other adults   What value is there in letting an argument rest a bit? Why is this hard at times?     Wellness exercise: Consider what are two of your “hot button” topics that often lead to arguments in your house and use Galatians 5:13-15 to pray for these two topics.     Arguing in front of children article: https://blog.cph.org/read/everyday-faith/argue-front-children-naked-unashamed-disagreement     YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/NE90yRjctKI   YouTube extras: Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships  

A Marriage that Bends Questions: What magic answers are out there for marriage? What magic answers do you think people utilize to get to marriage growth?   How can 1st Corinthians 8:1 inform our marriages?   What things in the world attempt to “break” our marriage? Where is the comfort in knowing that God doesn’t break us or our marriage?   How do you get the oxygen of Christ into your marriage, even as He is already a part of it when we don’t see it in the busy every day?   YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/7XMkDYYnpks   Wellness exercise: Whether it takes 1 minute or 30 minutes each day, identify one way to add a little more Jesus into your marriage every day for the next week or month.   YouTube extras: Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or YouTube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Why Repair Attempts Matter Questions: What topics of things poke at us and start a negative slide or cycle in arguments?   How do you usually switch gears or change focuses when you are having an argument and need to relieve some pressure from the conversation?   What repair attempts might you use intentionally? What repair attempts might you be using subconsciously?   Wellness exercise: Create a catch phrase or code word to utilize as a repair attempt that you can use intentionally and then practice using it for one week at least.     *iCarly show reference: https://icarly.fandom.com/wiki/IWant_My_Website_Back   YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/G6WvVt2ZNt0   Find Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or youtube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Grouchiness in Marriage   Questions: What makes you grouchy? Especially in marriage, keeping a household, and family life?   How does the law motivate in marriage, or does it?   How does the gospel motivate more fully or better in marriage? What does the gospel look like when you’d like to see a change in your marriage?   Wellness exercise: Identify one change you’d like to see in your marriage. Consider what the Law would communicate about that problem and what the Gospel communicates about that problem. Where might you start with a Gospel oriented solution?   YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/t1xItqqh1dE   Find Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or youtube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships  

Who are Your Marriage Rockstars?   Who do we look to in our culture(s) or as couples to tell us what marriage should look like or be like?   Read John 6:67-68. Where does God tell us to go?   What difference does the Word of God make in discerning what our marriages should look like?   Who are your marriage rockstars?   Wellness exercise: If you currently have marriage mentors, give them a call, a card, or a text to say hello and check in. Try asking them a question like, “Who taught you what you know about marriage?” or “What Bible verses or passages have been helpful for you to understand marriage better?” If you do not have marriage mentors, identify together who might make a good couple to ask for mentoring from… then ask. Define what that relationship will look like for both couples involved – is it casual - just watching to grow - should there be check ins, etc?     YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/dJoFd0Hv5Sk Podcast episode: 22     YouTube extras: Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann   Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversation videos in your podcast or youtube feed.   Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

The Power of Pursuit   What are your communications like on a day to day basis?   What parts of the statement, “Pursuit is still necessary,” do you agree or disagree with?   What benefits are there to still pursuing our spouse in marriage?   Song of Songs 8:5-6   What gets in the way of sacrificially pursuing our spouse, both personally and for people in general?   Wellness exercise: Consider two ways you can sacrificially pursue your spouse this week and engage in carrying one of them out in the next seven days.    YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/SfGpVXWP0Xc Find other Always Growing videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC   Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/ https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversation videos in your podcast or youtube feed. Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

Always Growing...in Marriage Riding the Storms   What storms of life come into people’s marriages?   What kind of storms or changes have you experienced in your marriage?   Matthew 8:24-25   How can we remind one another we are in it together?   Wellness exercise: Practice praying together once a day, holding hands, for 5 days straight.   YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/g-ccQmXC-Ls