Master Your Marriage

This episode delves into the toxic pattern of triangulation in relationships, particularly within family dynamics. The hosts discuss how triangulation manifests, its impact on emotional health, and the importance of direct communication. They provide strategies for recognizing and breaking free from this pattern, emphasizing the need for awareness, setting boundaries, and doing personal work to foster healthier relationships.TakeawaysTriangulation involves pulling a third person into a conflict instead of addressing it directly.This pattern can create significant emotional distress and dysfunction in relationships.Children often become unwitting participants in triangulation, which can harm their emotional development.Enmeshment and triangulation are closely related, often leading to blurred personal boundaries.Recognizing triangulation is crucial for breaking the cycle and fostering healthier communication.Setting clear boundaries is essential to avoid being drawn into triangulation.Direct communication is a key strategy for resolving conflicts without triangulation.Personal growth and self-awareness are necessary to break free from unhealthy patterns.Triangulation can perpetuate generational dysfunction within families.Healthy relationships thrive on clear, direct communication and emotional honesty.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven't covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

Ever notice how loss can drop a marriage into two wildly different time-zones? One spouse wants to talk it out while the other goes radio-silent. In this week's episode of Master Your Marriage, we sit down with grief coach and children's-book author Jennifer Morris to unpack how couples can stay yoked when death, empty nests, or any major life change rattles the compass. From Sharla's raw reflections on losing her dad last weekend to Jennifer's story of losing her mother to suicide, we explore the complexities of grief within marriage. You can connect with Jennifer through her website at https://loveconnectsus.com/ or via instagram at https://www.instagram.com/jennifer_s_morris/Key TakeawaysCo-Regulation > Lone-Wolfing: Borrow each other's nervous systems—sometimes your partner's steady breath is the best grief coach in the room.Internal vs. External Processors: One of you journals for days; the other needs to verbal-vomit now. Neither is “doing it wrong.”Safe-Person Contract: Identify (and literally ask) a friend to be your non-judgmental vent line when your spouse's bucket is already full.Therapy Is a Life Coach for Your Brain: A “checkup from the neck up” isn't weakness; it's the Super Bowl with a playbook.Stay Curious, Not Furious: Swap “You're not sad enough!” for “How are you really feeling today—1 to 10?”Micro-Self-Care Moves Mountains: Garden for 30 minutes, swing a golf club, hug the bunny—anything that restores a flicker of joy.Create to Heal: Writing a poem, planting a memorial tree, or starting a tiny foundation signals you're moving from grief to growth.Dive Deeper“I Will Be With You Always” & “I Will Remember You Always” by Jennifer Morris – kid-friendly stories that comfort adults, too.Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg – the art of presence over platitudes.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven't covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.Parting WordsGrief will visit every long-haul marriage; let it bind, not blind you. This week pick one toward-vision action—schedule a sunset walk, text your safe person, or try Jennifer's 1-to-10 check-in. Remember: it's the small things done often! Until next Wednesday, keep turning toward each other.

Do you ever notice how some couples only sprint toward “saving the marriage” when the divorce papers are already drafted—while others seem to glide forward, energized by a shared dream? In this week's episode of Master Your Marriage, we tackle the sneaky trap of away-from motivation (fixing things only when the fire alarm blares) versus the power of a toward vision that pulls you closer every day. From the cautionary tale of “Mark and Lisa” to a five-minute future-pacing meditation you can try today, you'll discover why dodging pain keeps you on a hamster wheel—while chasing a vivid, magnetic dream propels your relationship into lasting joy.Key TakeawaysVision Beats Crisis Mode: Couples thrive when they're propelled by a clear picture of what they want—not just a terror of what might go wrong.Toward vs. Away Motivation: Toward taps the prefrontal cortex (planning, reward); away fires up the amygdala (threat detector). Guess which one fuels sustainable connection?Self-Sabotage Loop: Relying on fear creates boom-and-bust cycles—think lottery winners who go broke or spouses who coast till the next blow-up.Science-Backed Shift: Deci & Ryan's Self-Determination Theory shows goals aligned with values drive deeper satisfaction than “avoid-pain” goals ever will.One Tiny Action Wins: A single intentional habit—daily check-ins, a kind note, listening without fixing—can yank you off the crisis rails and onto the vision highway.Anchor the Future: Their guided five-minute meditation lets you feel next year's dream marriage now, then “anchor” it with a thumb-and-finger press you can trigger anytime motivation wanes.Dive Deeper“Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation” by Edward Deci & Richard Ryan – The classic paper on toward motivation.“Drive” by Daniel H. Pink – A page-turning breakdown of autonomy, mastery, purpose, and why carrot-and-stick fails at home and work.Roy Baumeister's Research on Loss Aversion – Why bad feels stronger than good (and how to stop letting it run your marriage).Vision-Setting Worksheet (free PDF) – Map out values, dreams, and one weekly action; grab it at greatergood.berkeley.edu/vision.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify...

Do you ever slip into “I deserve better” mode and forget just how lucky you are to wake up next to your favorite human? In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we unpack the power of cherishing—the next-level upgrade from mere “appreciation.” Through real-life stories (yes, including the magic fridge on their camping trip) and the Gottmans' 20-question fondness quiz, we reveal how entitlement quietly drains joy while gratitude super-charges connection. You'll learn why naming seven things you adore about each other feels scarier than rattling off seven complaints—and how flipping that script can transform your relationship, stress levels, and overall happiness.Key TakeawaysCherishing > Appreciation: Cherishing is an intentional, daily choice to see your partner's irreplaceable worth, far beyond liking their steak-grilling skills.Gratitude Kills Entitlement: Entitlement says “you owe me”; gratitude says “you choose me,” sparking instant warmth and goodwill.Take the Gottman Fondness & Admiration Quiz: A quick 20-item self-check exposes whether you're coasting or truly nurturing love.Beware the Hedonic Treadmill: Humans acclimate fast; without active cherishing, today's blessings become tomorrow's baseline.One-Sided is Still Powerful: You don't need your spouse's permission to start cherishing—your unilateral gratitude can shift the whole vibe.Dive DeeperGottman Institute Fondness & Admiration Test – Free download at gottman.com; track your score and watch it climb.“Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier” by Robert Emmons – Science-backed tactics to rewire your brain for appreciation.Article: “Why Entitlement Sabotages Marriage” (Psychology Today) – A deep dive into the hidden costs of the “I deserve” mindset.TEDx Talk: “The Price of Happiness—Escaping the Hedonic Treadmill” by Niro Sivanathan – Understand why more stuff (or perfect spouses) never feels like enough.Worksheet: Daily 3-for-3 Gratitude Routine – Download from greatergood.berkeley.edu to kick-start your cherishing habit.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Ask about our coaching options or share your story.Instagram: Follow @masteryourmarriage for daily tips and inspiration.Reviews: Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify, and share it with someone who'd benefit.Feedback: Have topic ideas or ways we can improve? Email us at masteryourmarriage@gmail.com.Parting WordsYour spouse doesn't owe you a thing—and that's the magic. Choose to notice the fresh towels, the stocked fridge, or the perfectly packed toolbox. Say it out loud, expect nothing back, and watch the temperature of your marriage rise. Here's to cherishing, one heartfelt “thank you” at a time. Until next week, keep doing the small things—done often—that build a masterpiece marriage.

Do you ever feel alone, even in your marriage? In this powerful episode of Master Your Marriage, we explore why loneliness hits so hard and how your brain is wired for connection. Sharla and Robert dive into the science of the relational brain, challenging the “go it alone” mindset of individualism. From Ed Tronick's “still face” experiment to James Coan's Social Baseline Theory, we uncover how co-regulation—syncing with your partner's nervous system—can transform your relationship. Through compelling stories, like a couple rediscovering connection amidst conflict, and the stark realities of isolation (from orphanages to solitary confinement), we reveal why connection isn't just a want—it's a survival need. Plus, we tackle the paradox: love can calm us, but it can also trigger us like nothing else. Tune in to learn how prioritizing your marriage can heal loneliness and build a healthier, happier life together.Key TakeawaysYour Brain Craves Connection: Science shows our nervous systems are designed to co-regulate, sharing emotions and stress with others to stay balanced and healthy.Loneliness Hurts—Literally: From infants in orphanages to adults in solitary confinement, disconnection can lead to physical and mental health crises.Co-Regulation in Action: Simple acts, like staying calm when your partner is stressed, can help them “borrow” your calm nervous system.The Paradox of Love: Marriage can be a lighthouse of safety but also a mirror, triggering old wounds—making a secure relationship essential for survival.Individualism's Downside: Prioritizing “me” over “we” can erode connection, but relationalism rebuilds trust and intimacy in marriage.Dive DeeperExplore these resources to deepen your understanding of how we're wired for connection:Ed Tronick's “Still Face” Experiment: Watch this YouTube video to see how a mother's blank face impacts her child, showing the power of emotional synchronicity. Search “Ed Tronick Still Face Experiment.”Social Baseline Theory by Lane Beckes and James Coan: Learn more about how our brains rely on close relationships to conserve energy and manage stress. Check out Coan's TEDx talk or their research at the University of Virginia's website (search “James Coan Social Baseline Theory”).Dr. Dan Siegel's Work: His book The Developing Mind explains how relationships shape our brains. A great starting point for understanding interpersonal neurobiology.Rene Spitz's Orphanage Studies: Read about Spitz's 1950s research on how emotional neglect led to infant mortality, highlighting connection as a survival need. Available in psychology journals or summaries online (search “Rene Spitz orphanage studies”).Book Recommendation: Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This book dives into attachment theory, offering practical insights for building secure connections in your marriage.Further Study: Visit the Greater Good Science Center (greatergood.berkeley.edu) for articles on the science of relationships and connection, including practical tips for couples.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Ask about our coaching options or share your story.Instagram: Follow @masteryourmarriage for daily tips and inspiration.Reviews: Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify, and share it with someone who'd benefit.Feedback: Have topic ideas or ways we can improve? Email us at masteryourmarriage@gmail.com.Parting WordsConnection is your nervous system's cry for...

In this powerful follow-up to our discussion on big “T” trauma, we dive deeper into how all trauma—big and small—shapes the automatic behaviors that can strain your marriage. From lying to stonewalling, these “stances” stem from your adaptive child, a part of you formed in childhood. Through heartfelt stories and practical steps, we explore how to identify these patterns, heal your inner child, and choose wiser responses to reclaim your relationship. Join Robert and Sharla for an honest, hope-filled conversation about breaking free from the past.SummaryRelationships aren't just about communication or date nights—the real work is growing beyond your automatic reactions. In this episode, we unpack how childhood trauma creates your relational “stance,” an instinctive response like fighting, fleeing, or fixing that shows up when stress hits. We share the story of Dan, whose evasiveness nearly cost him his marriage, and Jessica, whose stonewalling left her husband feeling disconnected. Drawing on insights from therapists like Terry Real and Pia Mellody, we explain how the “adaptive child” forms and how to spot it in yourself. Most importantly, we offer a compassionate, practical path to pause, reflect, and choose responses that prioritize love over survival. If you missed Part 1, go back and listen to our discussion on big “T” trauma—it sets the stage for this episode!Key TakeawaysYour Stance is Your Adaptive Child: Your knee-jerk reactions in marriage—like lying, shutting down, or people-pleasing—are coping strategies from childhood trauma, big or small. They helped you survive then but can hurt your relationship now.Trauma Isn't Always Big: “Little t” traumas, like being told your emotions were too much or lacking emotional guidance, wire your nervous system and show up as automatic behaviors in adulthood.Spot the Signs: You're in your adaptive child when you get rigid, harsh, or lose empathy. In your wise mind, you're curious, flexible, and compassionate—qualities that strengthen your marriage.Heal with Compassion: Don't indulge or shame your inner child. Instead, have a loving conversation: forgive them, apologize for their pain, and commit to protecting your partner.Choose Wisely: Pause before reacting. Wait for your “second consciousness” to choose a response that puts your relationship first, like Dan's honest “I forgot” moment.It's a Daily Practice: Reclaiming your marriage means identifying your stance, pausing, and choosing love moment by moment. With practice, you can shift from “me” to “we.”Dive DeeperResources Mentioned:Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terry Real – The book featuring Dan and Julia's story, offering insights on relational healing.Pia Mellody's work on the “adaptive child” – Explore her books like Facing Codependence for a deeper understanding of how childhood shapes adult behaviors.Suggested Resources:The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – A must-read for understanding how trauma affects the nervous system and relationships.Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson – A practical guide to building emotional connection in your marriage.Journal Prompt: Reflect on your relational stance. Ask honestly, “What do I do when I'm triggered? What is my relational stance?”Get Coaching: Consider working with coach or therapist with experience dealing with trauma, or reach out to us for personalized coaching (see Connect with Us below).Connect with UsWe're here to support you in building a stronger, healthier marriage. If this episode resonated and you'd like help breaking free from old...

Ever wonder why you snap or shut down with the person you love most? In this powerful episode, hosts Robert and Sharla Snow kick off a multi-part series exploring how trauma—big or small—shapes our closest relationships. Through the lens of brain science and a moving client story, they unpack how unhealed wounds from the past can “hijack” your marriage, driving conflict or disconnection. Using Dr. Dan Siegel's hand model of the brain, Terry Real's wise adult vs. triggered self framework, and Pia Mellody's concept of the adaptive child, they reveal why we “flip our lid” and how trauma fuels those moments. The episode centers on Ethan and Lilly, a couple whose 25-year marriage was transformed when Lilly faced her childhood trauma with courage. This is a story of healing, hope, and rediscovering the US in your relationship. Tune in to learn how to spot your own triggers and start bringing your wise adult self back to your marriage.Key Takeaways Trauma's Lasting Impact: Big “T” trauma (like abuse) or small “t” trauma (subtler wounds) can make it harder to stay emotionally regulated, causing you to “flip your lid” and react from a triggered, younger self rather than your wise adult self. Flipping Your Lid: When stress or conflict overwhelms your upstairs brain (prefrontal cortex), your downstairs brain (limbic system) takes over, shifting you from an *us* consciousness to a *me* vs. *you* mindset, disrupting connection with your partner. The Adaptive Child: As Pia Mellody explains, the adaptive child is a coping mechanism formed in childhood to protect you from pain. While lifesaving then, it can become maladaptive in adult relationships, as seen in Lilly's anger-driven reactions to Ethan. Healing Is Possible: By naming and addressing trauma (e.g., through techniques like Time Line Therapy and inner child work), you can shift from reactive patterns to relational, wise adult responses, as Ethan and Lilly did through vulnerability and mutual understanding. Ask the Key Question: Inspired by Terry Real, ask yourself, “Which version of me is showing up?” Recognizing when your triggered self is in charge is the first step to choosing connection over conflict. Coming Up: Next week, we'll explore small “t” trauma—quieter wounds that still shape how you love and fight—and share tips to spot your adaptive child and bring your wise self online.Dive Deeper: Resources Mentioned Want to explore the concepts and tools from this episode? Here are the experts and resources we referenced to help you deepen your understanding of trauma and relationships: 1. Dr. Dan Siegel – The Hand Model of the Brain The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (3rd Edition, 2020) Dr. Siegel's accessible explanation of the brain, including the “flipping your lid” concept, helps you understand emotional regulation in relationships. Website: https://www.drdansiegel.com/Free resources, videos, and courses on the hand model and interpersonal neurobiology. Relevance: Used to explain how the prefrontal cortex (upstairs brain) and limbic system (downstairs brain) interact when trauma triggers emotional reactivity.2. Pia Mellody – The Adaptive Child Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives (2003, co-authored with Andrea Wells Miller and J. Keith Miller)Mellody's work on the adaptive child and childhood trauma's lasting effects shows how early coping mechanisms impact adult...

Sharla's back after a month-long break, sharing a deeply personal story of recovering from decompression sickness caused by a scuba diving trip in the British Virgin Islands. Her rapid brain recovery, thanks to hyperbaric oxygen therapy, inspired this episode on neuroplasticity—the brain's incredible ability to rewire itself. Joined by Robert, Sharla explores how the brain's adaptability can transform your marriage, drawing on therapist Terry Real's framework from his book Us. Learn how to make unconscious patterns conscious, harness emotional “recoil” moments, and act quickly to build new, healthier habits in your relationship. Packed with science, practical tips, and heartfelt insights, this episode will inspire you to tap into your brain's resilience to become the best version of yourself for your partner.What You'll Learn: - How Sharla's cognitive recovery showcases the brain's neuroplasticity. - Terry Real's two-step process for rapid change: making the implicit explicit and using emotional shock to rewire behaviors. - The science of memory reconsolidation and why acting fast after an “aha” moment matters. - Three practical steps to rewire harmful patterns in your marriage, with real-life examples from Sharla and Robert's journey.Try the episode's tips: reflect on an automatic pattern in your marriage, have an honest talk with your partner, and practice a new behavior right away. Share your story or insights on Instagram @masteryourmarriage—we'll repost our favorites! Loved this episode? Leave a 5-star review and share it with someone who'd benefit. Got topic ideas or feedback? Email us at masteryourmarriage@gmail.com.References: Want to dive deeper into neuroplasticity? Check out these resources: - Books: - Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. Penguin Books. Inspiring stories of how neuroplasticity transforms lives, perfect for understanding change in relationships. - Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness. Harmony Books. Practical exercises to rewire your brain for positivity and stronger connections. - Ecker, B., Ticic, R., & Hulley, L. (2012). Unlocking the Emotional Brain. Routledge. Explains how emotional insights drive rapid behavioral change. - Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. Shows how relationships shape the brain for healthier dynamics. - Scientific Papers: - LeDoux, J. E., & Schiller, D. (2010). “The Human Amygdala and the Control of Fear.” Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 11(11), 761–769. Research on rewiring emotional memories through “recoil” moments. - Nader, K., et al. (2000). “Fear Memories Require Protein Synthesis in the Amygdala for Reconsolidation After Retrieval.” Nature, 406(6797), 722–726. Study on the 4–6 hour window for memory change. - Website: - Coherence Therapy (coherencetherapy.org). Articles and videos on using emotional insights for lasting change, based on Bruce Ecker's work. Find these at your local library, bookstore, or online. Share what you learn with us on Instagram @masteryourmarriage!

In this episode of Master Your Marriage, hosts Sharla and Robert dive into the dynamics of power struggles in relationships and explore how accepting your partner's influence can transform your connection from "I" to "We." Discover why this skill is crucial for a happy, lasting relationship and learn practical steps to navigate disagreements with emotional intelligence.Episode HighlightsThe Importance of Accepting Influence: Learn why accepting your partner's influence is a cornerstone of a secure relationship, backed by Dr. John Gottman's research showing that 81% of couples who don't accept influence may split up.Why Power Struggles Happen: Understand how societal pressures and the brain's “amygdala hijack” turn disagreements into perceived threats, making it hard to stay open to your partner's perspective.Real-Life Examples: Sharla and Robert share candid stories, including Sharla's past struggles with needing to “win” arguments and how shifting to a “we” mindset changed their relationship.Practical Steps to Accept Influence:Get curious and seek your partner's perspective.Define your goal for the conversation (e.g., preserving the relationship or finding a win-win).Ask, “What are we really disagreeing about?” to uncover core values and needs.Language of Influence: Discover emotionally intelligent phrases like “Help me understand your position” or “Let's find our common ground” to foster collaboration during conflicts.Gender Dynamics: Explore why accepting influence can be harder for some, particularly heterosexual men, and how both partners benefit from mutual influence.Key TakeawaysAccepting influence doesn't mean giving up power—it's about building mutual respect and influence in your relationship.Conflict is a gift that, when handled well, deepens love and understanding.Practicing these skills leads to greater happiness, emotional intelligence, and a more secure attachment.Resources & ReferencesDr. John Gottman's Research: Learn more about the 8 predictors of divorce and the science behind relationship success.Emotional Intelligence: Explore Daniel Goleman's concept of “amygdala hijack” and how it affects conflict.What's Next?Subscribe: Don't miss a single episode! Hit the subscribe button to get new episodes every Wednesday.Rate & Review: Help us reach more people by leaving a 5-star review and sharing your thoughts.Share: Know someone who could benefit from this episode? Share it with them to help strengthen their relationships.Connect: Follow us on IG @masteryourmarriage for more relationship tips and updates.Quote of the Episode“Accepting your partner's influence communicates that you care and respect them. It means you're a team, and you're in this together. You are a ‘WE,' rather than an ‘I.'” – Robert Snow

Struggling with overwhelm, shutdown, or emotional reactivity in your relationship? Our new Window of Tolerance Worksheet helps you identify your triggers, recognize dysregulation, and develop strategies to regain balance so you can show up as your best self in your marriage.Limited-Time Offer: Get it now for only $5 (regularly $19)!

Struggling with overwhelm, shutdown, or emotional reactivity in your relationship? Our new Window of Tolerance Worksheet helps you identify your triggers, recognize dysregulation, and develop strategies to regain balance so you can show up as your best self in your marriage.Limited-Time Offer: Get it now for only $5 (regularly $19)!

Struggling with overwhelm, shutdown, or emotional reactivity in your relationship? Our new Window of Tolerance Worksheet helps you identify your triggers, recognize dysregulation, and develop strategies to regain balance so you can show up as your best self in your marriage.Limited-Time Offer: Get it now for only $5 (regularly $19)!

Struggling with overwhelm, shutdown, or emotional reactivity in your relationship? Our new Window of Tolerance Worksheet helps you identify your triggers, recognize dysregulation, and develop strategies to regain balance so you can show up as your best self in your marriage.Limited-Time Offer: Get it now for only $5 (regularly $19)!

Struggling with overwhelm, shutdown, or emotional reactivity in your relationship? Our new Window of Tolerance Worksheet helps you identify your triggers, recognize dysregulation, and develop strategies to regain balance so you can show up as your best self in your marriage.Limited-Time Offer: Get it now for only $5 (regularly $19)!

In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we dive into the concept of the 'window of tolerance,' a psychological framework that helps couples understand their emotional responses during difficult conversations. We explore the states of hyper and hypo arousal, how these affect communication, and strategies to widen one's window of tolerance for healthier interactions. We share the importance of self-awareness and practical techniques to manage stress and improve relationship dynamics.Takeaways:Understanding the window of tolerance can prevent stress in marriage.Hyper arousal is characterized by anxiety and anger, while hypo arousal is about numbness and withdrawal.Staying within your window of tolerance allows for better communication and problem-solving.Life events can narrow your window of tolerance, making it harder to cope with stress.Practicing 'micro sucks' can help expand your window of tolerance.Breathing exercises can reset your emotional state before difficult conversations.Grounding techniques can help couples reconnect during stressful moments.Recognizing personal patterns of dysregulation is crucial for relationship health.Sleep and physical health significantly impact emotional regulation.Building resilience in relationships requires ongoing practice and awareness.Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we explore the concept of small, consistent improvements in relationships, drawing parallels to the success of the British cycling team under Dave Brailsford. Real transformation occurs not through grand gestures but through tiny, daily efforts that accumulate over time. The discussion includes practical strategies for couples to enhance their relationships by focusing on self-governance, conflict resolution, friendship, and shared meaning systems. We encourage our listeners to adopt a mindset of iterative improvements, aiming for just 1% better each day, leading to significant long-term changes in their relationships.Takeaways:Real transformation happens in small, simple moments.The aggregation of marginal gains can lead to significant improvements.Success is often the result of thousands of tiny, often invisible moments.Couples often overestimate the power of grand gestures.Focusing on small daily improvements can change the trajectory of a relationship.Self-governance, conflict resolution, friendship, and shared meaning are key areas for improvement.Iterative improvements can be applied to everyday interactions in relationships.1% better each day can lead to extraordinary results over time.It's important to notice and seize small moments for connection.The journey of improvement is ongoing and requires consistent effort.Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

"Listening is an act of love."In this episode, we talk about the critical role of listening in relationships, emphasizing that effective communication is not just about speaking but primarily about listening with compassion. We explore the challenges of listening, including ego, fear of change, and the urge to fix problems. Why is self-reflection and understanding one's own biases so important, and how can we recognize the value of feedback from partners? You will learn how to provide practical insights on how to navigate criticism and transition from being a listener to a speaker in conversations, ultimately stressing that truth and understanding are essential for healthy communication.TakeawaysListening is the hardest yet most important skill in communication.Effective listening requires humility and the ability to hold two perspectives simultaneously.Self-reflection is crucial for understanding one's own biases in communication.Listening is an act of love that shows care and respect for your partner.Barriers to listening include ego, fear of change, and the urge to fix problems.Internal boundaries help filter out harmful criticism while accepting constructive feedback.Navigating criticism involves acknowledging what is true in your partner's perspective.Transitioning from listener to speaker should start with recognizing the truth in what was said.Understanding must precede resolution in any conflict.Truth itself is not harmful; self-deception is what causes harm.Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

In this episode, we delve into the intricacies of effective communication within marriage, building on previous discussions about emotional regulation and self-confrontation. They address a listener's question about how to communicate concerns without coming across as controlling, emphasizing the importance of collaboration and vulnerability. We introduce an eight-step communication model designed to facilitate honest and constructive dialogue, highlighting the need for calmness, self-reflection, and clear requests. Get ready for practical examples and insights to help couples navigate difficult conversations and strengthen their relationships.TakeawaysEffective communication requires emotional regulation and self-reflection.Collaboration is key in any conversation, especially in marriage.Understanding your role in communication can prevent misunderstandings.It's important to separate facts from interpretations in discussions.Self-confrontation helps clarify your thoughts before speaking.Inviting your partner to dialogue is crucial for effective communication.Presenting facts without accusations fosters a safe space for discussion.Revising interpretations can lead to more empathetic conversations.Expressing desires should focus on collaboration, not control.Small, consistent actions can lead to significant relationship improvements.Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

In this episode, we discuss the importance of effective communication in relationships, particularly during difficult conversations. There is a need for truth and integrity in communication, the significance of understanding differences between partners, and the necessity of self-confrontation to challenge personal narratives. The episode outlines steps to prepare for tough conversations, including calming oneself and recognizing one's own role in conflicts. We also highlight the importance of approaching conversations with a mindset of collaboration rather than control, ultimately aiming for a healthier and more honest relationship dynamic.Takeaways:Hard conversations are crucial for relationship growth.Communication involves more than just words; it includes body language and tone.Truthfulness in communication prevents incongruency and builds trust.Differences in relationships should be respected and valued, not avoided.Self-confrontation is necessary to challenge personal narratives and assumptions.Starting calm is essential for effective communication.Assuming positive intent can help you understand your partner's perspective.Analyzing one incident at a time can clarify misunderstandings.Honest communication fosters vulnerability and strengthens relationships.Self-soothing and self-confronting lay the foundation for productive conversations.Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

"Good teammates don't keep score."In this episode, the hosts discuss the significance of teamwork in relationships, sharing insights from their annual retreat and emphasizing the importance of understanding core values. They outline six key signs that indicate a strong sense of teamwork between partners, highlighting the need for open communication, acceptance of flaws, and mutual support.Takeaways:Teamwork is essential for a strong relationship.Annual retreats help couples align their values.Understanding core values deepens connection.Accepting influence from each other fosters teamwork.A positive perspective on your partner enhances teamwork.Letting go of small flaws strengthens the relationship.Noticing mood shifts shows emotional support.Inspiring each other is key to a successful partnership.Avoid keeping score to maintain harmony.Teamwork creates a supportive and connected relationship.Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

In this episode, we discuss the challenges of busy family life and the importance of creating a family vision and mission statement. We share our process of defining a family's values, crafting a vision statement, and implementing it into our daily lives. The conversation emphasizes the significance of aligning family goals, fostering a strong sense of self in children, and the evolving nature of family values. We provide practical steps for families to create their own vision statements and live intentionally according to their values.TakeawaysCreating a family vision helps align values and goals.A family vision statement serves as a guiding principle.It's important to involve all family members in the vision process.Identifying core values can help shape family identity.Life changes can shift family values and priorities.Regularly revisiting the vision statement keeps it relevant.Creating traditions can help embody the family vision.Decision-making can be guided by the family vision.A vision statement should be visible to all family members.Every family can adapt the vision process to fit their unique dynamics.Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

In this episode, we reflect on their journey through marriage, the transitions of life, and the importance of gratitude and personal growth within a relationship. We discuss the purpose of marriage, emphasizing shared experiences and emotional connections, and offer practical advice for recommitting to each other as they approach the new year.Takeaways:Gratitude enhances the joy in marriage.Marriage is about creating a shared meaningful life.Personal growth is a key aspect of marriage.Every relationship goes through different versions.Small moments contribute significantly to a relationship's health.Communication is essential for understanding each other.Forgiveness is crucial for moving forward in a relationship.Expressing appreciation can transform a relationship.Facing challenges together strengthens the bond.Recommitting to each other can revitalize a marriage.Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

In this powerful and vulnerable episode, Robert and Sharla demonstrate how to process a regrettable incident—a big fight or emotional injury that still holds an emotional charge. Over the past three episodes, they've explored the ideal steps to repair conflict in the moment - which is ideally the goal. But what happens when repair doesn't happen early or often? How do couples handle the aftermath of a major fight? Using the Gottman Institute's Regrettable Incident Formula, Robert and Sharla work through a recent unresolved conflict live on the podcast. This unscripted conversation offers a real-life example of how to move past defensiveness, build understanding, and create a stronger connection. What You'll Learn in This Episode:- The 6-Step Process for processing a regrettable incident: 1. Agreements: Setting ground rules to create safety and openness. 2. Feelings: Sharing emotions experienced during the conflict without defensiveness. 3. Realities: Taking turns describing perspectives and validating each other's experiences. 4. Triggers: Identifying personal triggers and past experiences that may have intensified the conflict. 5. Responsibility: Acknowledging each partner's role in what happened. 6. Constructive Plans: Collaborating on practical ways to handle future conflicts more effectively. - Why processing past incidents is about achieving understanding, not rehashing or assigning blame. - The importance of waiting until both partners are calm and emotionally ready to process. - How the cycle of harmony, disharmony, and repair builds trust, compassion, and deeper love in relationships. Key Takeaways: - Processing a regrettable incident requires emotional distance and a willingness to engage constructively. - The goal is mutual understanding, not reliving the argument or trying to “win.” - Taking responsibility and creating actionable solutions is essential for true repair. - The most important relational skills—trust, empathy, and love—are built during repair, not during harmony. Why This Episode Matters: Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. Thriving relationships aren't defined by an absence of conflict but by the ability to repair and grow stronger after moments of disharmony. This episode offers tools to help couples navigate the aftermath of major fights with vulnerability and intentionality. Resources Mentioned:- The Gottman Institute's Regrettable Incident Formula - Episodes 1-3 in this series: - The Rhythm of Relationships - How to Speak for Repair - How to Listen for Repair Next Steps:For more practical tools and tips, follow Robert and Sharla on Instagram, and leave a review if this episode resonated with you.

Create Your Strongest Year Yet as a CoupleGet Intentional With Your Relationship in 2025: Download our exact blueprint to aligning your values and planning your year, with our 2025 Yearly Couples Planning & Alignment Workbook—just $19. Get it here: https://bit.ly/2025goalsettingIn this episode, we discuss the essential steps in repairing relationships, focusing on the importance of listening, effective communication, and the roles of both the speaker and listener in the repair process. They introduce the feedback wheel as a tool for expressing concerns without blame and emphasize the need for gratitude and acceptance in moving forward. The conversation highlights that repair is a skill that requires practice and can lead to deeper harmony in relationships.TakeawaysRepairing a relationship requires more than just talking; it requires listening.Listening effectively is about understanding your partner's perspective.The feedback wheel is a powerful tool for expressing grievances without blame.Starting a conversation harshly can predict its outcome and the longevity of the relationshipRepairing relationships is a skill that improves with practice.It's important to detach from outcomes when expressing needs in a relationship.Navigating past grievances requires intentional effort and communication.

In this episode, the hosts discuss the essential steps for repairing relationships after conflict. They emphasize that conflict is a natural part of relationships and that the repair process is crucial for maintaining emotional connection. The conversation outlines specific steps for effective communication, including the importance of early intervention and the use of the feedback wheel to express feelings and needs without blame. The episode concludes with a preview of the next steps in the repair process, focusing on listening and responding effectively.Watch the part 1 of this series here: https://youtu.be/PFdG5XMaL7IFind the feedback wheel handout here: https://bit.ly/feedbackwheelTakeaways:Conflict is a natural part of relationships.Repair is essential for maintaining connection.Starting the repair process early is crucial.Effective communication involves expressing feelings without blame.The feedback wheel is a practical tool for communication.Listening is as important as speaking in the repair process.Recognizing disconnection early can prevent larger issues.Each partner's subjective experience matters in conflict resolution.Willingness to repair is the first step in the process.Practicing communication techniques can improve relationship dynamics.

Get the appreciation blueprint discussed in this episode here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1i9oMWjKvBUg4IeujNdzBjLJeaUPLBExF/view?usp=drivesdkIn this episode, we explore the transformative power of gratitude in relationships, diving into why genuine appreciation is so much more impactful than simple recognition. Through personal stories and fascinating research, we share how gratitude can boost emotional well-being, improve communication, and deepen connections with your partner. Plus, we offer practical tips for cultivating appreciation in everyday life. If you missed this conversation the first time around, it's one you won't want to skip!Takeaways:The practice of gratitude is a conscious effort.Appreciation can dissolve resentment and contempt.Successful couples focus on positive attributes.Recognition is about performance; appreciation is about character.Gratitude can lead to improved mental health.Writing gratitude letters can shift toxic emotions.Renewing positive feelings can enhance relationships.Appreciation is a key pillar in successful relationships.Gratitude practices can increase relationship longevity.Expressing gratitude can lead to a more fulfilling partnership.

In this episode, we discuss the essential role of conflict and repair in relationships. Conflicts are not only inevitable but necessary for growth and connection. We explore the cycle of harmony, disharmony, and repair, highlighting the importance of mastering the repair process to maintain a healthy relationship. We also delve into predictors of divorce, the rhythm of relationships, and the steps involved in effective repair, ultimately encouraging listeners to embrace conflict as a means to deepen their connections.Takeaways:Conflict in relationships is necessary for growth.Healthy relationships often experience more conflict.Repair is a crucial skill that can be developed.The cycle of harmony, disharmony, and repair is natural.Small conversations are better than big conversations.Humor can help diffuse conflict situations.Repair attempts can happen even during conflict.Understanding the rhythm of relationships can aid in repair.The willingness to repair is the first step.Teaching children about conflict and repair is vital.

In this episode, we dive into one of the most powerful tools for conflict resolution in relationships: taking effective breaks. If you've ever felt overwhelmed by an argument or struggled to regain composure during heated moments, this episode is for you. We'll share ten essential rules for how to take a break during arguments, calm down, and reset effectively—so you can return to your partner with a clear mind and avoid saying things you'll regret.These actionable strategies are designed to help couples maintain connection, reduce escalation, and create space for emotional self-regulation. Whether you're new to using time-outs or you've struggled to make them work, this episode will give you the tools to handle difficult moments with confidence.What You'll Learn:Why taking breaks is a vital conflict resolution tool for couplesHow to use time-outs as a "pattern interrupt" in argumentsThe importance of taking a break from the "I" perspective (not blaming)How to check in with your partner during a break to avoid emotional distanceWhy a 24-hour moratorium can help avoid rash decisions and hurt feelingsPractical tips for using breaks to reset and reconnect after conflictHow to prevent escalation and make time-outs a productive part of your communicationHandout Download:We've created a handout that summarizes the "10 Rules for Taking Breaks in Arguments" to help you implement these strategies. Download it now: https://bit.ly/4hUEc5cKey Takeaway:Mastering the art of taking breaks in arguments can completely transform your approach to conflict. These 10 rules will help you and your partner reset, de-escalate, and reconnect after a disagreement—so that you can move forward without damaging your relationship.

In this episode, we delve into the concept of reactivity in relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-regulation as a crucial skill for emotional health. We discuss how anxiety manifests in relationships, the contagious nature of anxiety, and the phenomenon of fusion, where individuals become enmeshed in each other's emotional states. We highlight various self-regulation strategies, including movement, journaling, breath work, and self-confrontation, ultimately encouraging listeners to practice these skills to improve their relationships.TakeawaysReactivity is a common issue in relationships that can lead to regretful actions.Self-regulation is essential for managing anxiety and improving relationship dynamics.Anxiety in relationships is often contagious and can affect the entire family system.Breathwork can quickly help calm the nervous system and reduce anxiety.Practicing self-regulation skills can lead to healthier communication and connection.It's important to recognize that chronic anxiety does not always manifest as worry or fear.The small, consistent actions in relationships can lead to significant positive changes.

"You can't change what you can't see."In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we explore the concept of the adaptive child and how it influences relationship dynamics. They discuss the importance of self-awareness in recognizing losing strategies and the need for self-confrontation to foster emotional growth. Practical tips are provided for navigating different relationship quadrants, emphasizing the significance of healthy boundaries and the necessity of breaking destructive patterns to achieve a balanced and fulfilling relationship.Takeaways:Understanding your adaptive child is crucial for relationship growth.Self-confrontation helps in recognizing personal contributions to relationship issues.Breaking old patterns requires conscious effort and awareness.Healthy boundaries are essential for real connection in relationships.Recognizing losing strategies can lead to better emotional responses.Disrupting destructive patterns can lead to healthier relationship dynamics.Each relationship quadrant requires specific healing work.Empathy and compassion are vital in overcoming one-up behaviors.Self-esteem plays a significant role in relationship satisfaction.Real intimacy requires a grounded and mature approach.

In this episode, we explore how to identify and end dysfunctional patterns in marriage that hinder intimacy. We introduce the relationship grid, which helps couples understand their behaviors and reactions when triggered. The discussion covers the importance of self-esteem and boundaries, leading to an exploration of four quadrants that represent different relationship dynamics. By recognizing where they fall within these quadrants, couples can work towards healing and improving their relationships.Take a look at how to identify Dysfunctional Patterns in Marriage here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Wkbm7jrptbSDR7rAnlz1Afm6VNxiEE2U/view?usp=drive_linkTakeawaysUnderstanding dysfunctional patterns is crucial for intimacy.The relationship grid helps map out behaviors in relationships.Self-esteem impacts how we relate to ourselves and others.Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining relationships.There are four quadrants that represent relationship dynamics.Boundaryless individuals often seek validation from others.Walled off individuals may struggle with intimacy and connection.Recognizing your quadrant can lead to personal growth.It takes one person to start breaking dysfunctional patterns.Small, consistent actions can lead to significant relationship improvements.

In this episode, we explore the concept of boundaries in relationships, focusing on both physical and psychological boundaries. The discussion emphasizes the importance of understanding and establishing healthy boundaries to foster intimacy and connection while avoiding the pitfalls of being boundaryless or overly walled off. Practical strategies for implementing boundaries in daily life are provided, along with a guided meditation to help listeners visualize and strengthen their personal boundaries.TakeawaysBoundaries are essential for maintaining intimacy in relationships.There are two types of boundaries: physical and psychological.Physical boundaries involve personal space and control over one's body.Psychological boundaries protect our mental and emotional space.A boundaryless person is overly reactive to external feedback.Being walled off prevents genuine connection with others.Healthy boundaries allow for vulnerability and intimacy.Boundaries are dynamic and require ongoing evaluation.Practicing boundaries is crucial for emotional health.Self-esteem and boundaries are interconnected in relationships.

"You can't love someone else unless you love yourself."In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we explore the profound connection between self-love and relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-esteem in fostering intimacy. We introduce a reactive behavior map to help listeners understand their own and their partner's behaviors during conflicts. The discussion delves into the distortions of self-esteem, highlighting the one-up and one-down positions that can hinder healthy relationships. The episode concludes with a focus on the necessity of compassionate self-confrontation and the journey of evolving relationships through honest self-reflection.The Self-Esteem distortions: https://drive.google.com/file/d/11vzfQsTiWULK4Uu9pl4fYoa32ckOkDLX/view?usp=sharing TakeawaysYou can't love someone else unless you love yourself.Self-esteem is how you relate to yourself and others.Healthy self-esteem recognizes our inherent value.Distortions in self-esteem can sabotage intimacy.The one-up position leads to superiority and entitlement.The one-down position leads to feelings of inferiority.Contempt is a major predictor of relationship issues.Compassionate self-confrontation is essential for growth.True intimacy requires equality in relationships.Relationships are a continuous journey of self-evaluation.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

In this episode, we explore the concept of the adaptive child and how it influences our reactions during relationship conflicts. We discuss the importance of self-confrontation and self-reflection as foundational elements for intimacy. The conversation delves into the impact of past traumas on present behaviors, the necessity of recognizing when the adaptive child takes over, and strategies for shifting back to the wise adult. Techniques for self-regulation and the role of journaling in personal growth are also highlighted, providing listeners with actionable insights to improve their relationships.Takeaways:Recognizing the adaptive child is crucial for healthy communication.Self-confrontation is the foundation of intimacy in relationships.Behavior reflects deeper emotional truths and needs.Past traumas can trigger automatic, unhealthy responses in relationships.The adaptive child often takes over during conflicts, leading to regression.Maturity involves managing one's own emotional responses.Self-regulation techniques can help regain control during emotional upheaval.Journaling can enhance self-awareness and promote personal growth.Understanding triggers is essential for effective conflict resolution.Intimacy requires vulnerability and the willingness to evolve.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

In this conversation, we delve into the detrimental effects of indecision in relationships, particularly in marriage. It explores how anxiety and the pursuit of perfection can lead to paralysis in decision-making, ultimately impacting personal and relational growth. We emphasize the importance of recognizing the finite nature of human existence, the fear of regret that underlies indecision, and the necessity of taking action after making choices. We advocate for embracing mistakes as part of the learning process and highlight the significance of agency and responsibility in navigating life's decisions.TakeawaysIndecision can erode relationships by preventing full commitment.Indecision is often rooted in the fantasy of perfection.Living in the anxiety age contributes to decision-making paralysis.Accepting our human limitations can lead to greater peace of mind.Indecision often leads to analysis paralysis in relationships.Every decision closes off other possibilities, leading to grief.Fear of regret is the primary driver of indecision.It's not the choice that matters, but the actions taken afterward.Embracing mistakes can lead to better decision-making.No choice is permanent; we can always pivot.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

"Withdrawal can slowly destroy connection."In this episode, we discuss the concept of withdrawal in relationships, exploring how it manifests and the dangers it poses to emotional connection. We delve into the difference between withdrawal and mature acceptance, emphasizing the importance of communication and responsible distance-taking. The conversation highlights the detrimental effects of apathy and isolation and concludes with strategies for couples to recognize and address their own losing strategies in relationships.TakeawaysWithdrawal can take many forms in relationships.Apathy leads to crushing loneliness for both partners.Couples often live separate but parallel lives due to withdrawal.The opposite of love is apathy, not hate.Real acceptance is a choice, not avoidance.Responsible distance-taking requires mutual understanding.Withdrawal can escalate conflict and lead to divorce.Recognizing subtle forms of withdrawal is essential.Expressing needs constructively is crucial for relationship health.Self-assessment of losing strategies can improve relationships.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

"Defense is the first act of war."Defensiveness is a corrosive behavior that goes against the purpose of marriage, which is personal growth. It is non-accountability, anti-growth, and unrepentant. Dr. John Gottman identified defensiveness as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which predicts divorce. Defensiveness prevents true intimacy and creates a barrier to growth. The antidote to defensiveness is taking responsibility and being open to feedback. By facing ourselves and making positive changes, we can have a profound impact on our relationships and personal growth.TakeawaysDefensiveness is a corrosive behavior that hinders personal growth in relationships.Dr. John Gottman identified defensiveness as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which predict divorce.Defensiveness prevents true intimacy and creates a barrier to growth.The antidote to defensiveness is taking responsibility and being open to feedback.By facing ourselves and making positive changes, we can have a profound impact on our relationships and personal growth.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

Is sacrifice no longer a virtue?In this episode, we discuss the concept of resentful accommodation in marriage. We explore the idea that sacrifice is often seen as a virtue in relationships, but there is a point where sacrifice can become unvirtuous and detrimental to the relationship. What's the difference between virtuous sacrifice, which benefits everyone involved, and unvirtuous sacrifice, which is done to avoid discomfort or gain approval? We share personal examples of resentful accommodation in our own marriage and discuss the costs and consequences of this losing strategy. Open communication and mutual decision-making in healthy sacrifice are key!TakeawaysSacrifice is an integral part of most intimate relationships, but there is a point where sacrifice can become unvirtuous and detrimental to the relationship.Virtuous sacrifice benefits everyone involved, while unvirtuous sacrifice is done to avoid discomfort or gain approval.Resentful accommodation, a form of unvirtuous sacrifice, leads to under-functioning and resentment in the relationship.Open communication and mutual decision-making are essential in healthy sacrifice.It is important to self-reflect and identify any resentments or unvirtuous sacrifices in the relationship in order to address and resolve them.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

"Retaliation is trying to cause the same emotion in the other person that you're feeling."In this episode, we discuss the destructive pattern of retaliation and punishment in relationships. We explore the different forms of retaliation, including direct and indirect, and how it can harm the connection between partners. We know the importance of recognizing and confronting the urge to retaliate, as it often stems from feeling justified and victimized. We encourage listeners to commit to non-violent and non-retaliatory behaviors in their relationships and provide journaling questions for self-reflection.TakeawaysRetaliation and punishment are common destructive patterns in relationships that can harm the connection between partners.Retaliation can take various forms, including direct (overt) and indirect (covert) behaviors.The urge to retaliate often stems from feeling justified and victimized, but it ultimately leads to a loss of agency and connection.Committing to non-violent and non-retaliatory behaviors can bring more peace and harmony to relationships.Self-reflection and confronting the ego are essential in breaking the cycle of retaliation and creating healthier relationships.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

"Contempt is the most destructive of all negative behaviors in relationships."In this episode of the Master Your Marriage podcast, we discuss destructive pattern number three: unbridled expression. We explore the negative impact of expressing every thought and emotion without restraint, and how it can lead to hurtful and damaging behavior in relationships. We also delve into the concept of contempt as a form of unbridled expression, highlighting its corrosive effects on a marriage. The episode concludes with journaling prompts and suggestions for overcoming unbridled expression.TakeawaysUnbridled expression, or expressing every thought and emotion without restraint, can be damaging to relationships.Contempt, a form of unbridled expression, is the most destructive of all negative behaviors in relationships and is a predictor of divorce.Self-awareness is key to overcoming unbridled expression and focusing on personal growth.Empathy is essential in building healthy and loving relationships.Interrupting old behaviors and practicing new ones is crucial for personal and relational growth.

"Control isn't real. It's an illusion... Each of us has this fundamental need for autonomy."In this episode, we discuss the destructive pattern of controlling others in relationships. Controlling behavior is often a result of managing our own anxieties and insecurities. They provide examples of overt and covert control tactics, such as criticism, blame, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation. The hosts emphasize that control is an illusion and that it damages trust, intimacy, and autonomy in relationships. They encourage self-reflection and open communication with partners to address and overcome controlling behaviors.TakeawaysControlling behavior in relationships is often a result of managing our own anxieties and insecurities.Examples of controlling behavior include criticism, blame, guilt tripping, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation.Control is an illusion and damages trust, intimacy, and autonomy in relationships.Self-reflection and open communication with partners are essential to address and overcome controlling behaviors.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

In this episode of Master Your Marriage, we discuss the destructive pattern of needing to be right in relationships. They explain that this pattern can lead to disconnection and alienation from others. The hosts explore how the need to be right shows up in sneaky ways, such as collecting evidence to prove one's perspective, acting morally superior, and convincing oneself that it's for the greater good. We emphasize the importance of looking within and examining our own behaviors, as well as the need to let go of the ego's desire to be right. The episode ends with reflection questions for listeners to consider.Takeaways:The need to be right can lead to disconnection and alienation in relationships.The need to be right shows up in sneaky ways, such as collecting evidence to prove one's perspective and acting morally superior.It's important to look within and examine our own behaviors, as well as let go of the ego's desire to be right.Curiosity and equal dialogue are more important than the need to be right in relationships.#destructive #pattern #right , #relationships , #disconnection #alienation #ego #marriage #podcast

The quality of relationships is the best predictor of overall life satisfaction. Happiness in marriage is not about luck or finding a soulmate, but about seeking wisdom and personal growth. Marriage exposes our limitations and immaturities, providing an opportunity for development and maturity. Psychological maturity requires developing a sense of self and living according to our values. As children, we borrow our sense of self from our parents, but as adults, we need to grow ourselves up. Immaturity in relationships leads to control or feeling controlled. People-pleasers seek validation, while controllers seek power. Change requires a fruitful reason, truthfulness, and accountability.TakeawaysThe quality of relationships is the best predictor of overall life satisfactionHappiness in marriage comes from seeking wisdom and personal growthMarriage exposes our limitations and immaturities, providing an opportunity for development and maturityPsychological maturity requires developing a sense of self and living according to our valuesChange requires fruitful reason, truthfulness, and accountabilityValues Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--vision

Why are you choosing to stay in your current relationship or marriage?Today, we're diving deep into a topic that can truly transform your relationship: The Power of Choice. We'll explore how making conscious decisions can strengthen your bond and bring out the best in both you and your partner. So, get ready to discover why choosing into your relationship every day is the key to its success.Key Takeaways:The Importance of Choice in Relationships;Understanding Autonomy and Its Impact;Daily Choices and Their Long-term Impact;Remember that choosing your relationship every day is a powerful act that can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful partnership. Reflect on why you're choosing to stay in your relationship and what you're willing to do to make it better.Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast if you haven't already, so you never miss an episode. If you found value in today's discussion, please leave us a five-star review and a comment. Your support helps us continue bringing you free coaching sessions every week.

Welcome back to another transformative episode of Master Your Marriage! This week, we're thrilled to have fellow marriage mentors, Kevin and Michelle Davis. They bring a wealth of experience and wisdom, particularly from their unique backgrounds in dealing with the challenges of coming from divorced families. Kevin hosts the popular podcast, "Maxed Out Man," where he empowers men to excel in all aspects of life, starting with their relationships. Join us as we dive deep into the crucial topics of emotional intelligence, effective communication, and the relentless pursuit of growth in marriage.The idea that couples should treat their relationship with the same intentionality and strategy as a business might be controversial, but we argue it can lead to a significantly more successful marriage.

What do sex hormones and emotional regulation have to do with ice bathing? As research suggests, both may be modulated by deliberate cold exposure, and therefore a possible strategy for couples to improve intimacy Thomas Seager, a PhD in civil and environmental engineering, shares his journey into researching deliberate cold exposure and its impact on health. He discusses the importance of individual health and the need for people to take charge of their own well-being. Thomas also shares personal experiences with cold exposure and how it has positively affected his health, including increasing testosterone levels. He emphasizes the importance of listening to individual experiences and conducting N equals one experiments to explore the benefits of cold exposure. The conversation also touches on topics such as brown fat and its relationship to hormones. Cold exposure stimulates brown fat, which has multiple functions in the body. It helps regulate metabolism, modulate thyroid function, and secrete neuroprotective factors and hormones that keep the brain in good shape. Cold exposure can also improve cognitive function and aid in recovery from brain injuries. It is important to be a little bit cold some of the time to maintain optimal health and prevent age-related diseases. Cold exposure can also enhance resilience and emotional intelligence in relationships. Deliberate cold exposure can have various benefits for both physical and mental health. It can help recruit brown fat, improve metabolic health, release stress, and promote psychological resilience. However, there are some contraindications to be aware of, such as hypertension and transient global amnesia. It's important to approach cold exposure with caution and listen to your body's response. Thomas Seager's book, Uncommon Cold, explores the science and experiences behind deliberate cold exposure. His website, Morozco Forge, provides resources and articles on the topic.TakeawaysIndividuals should take charge of their own health and not solely rely on medical experts or institutions.Personal experiences and N equals one experiments can provide valuable insights into the benefits of cold exposure.Cold exposure, such as ice baths, can have positive effects on hormone levels, including testosterone.Brown fat, which can be activated through cold exposure, has been linked to various health benefits.The scientific community should be open to exploring and studying the experiences and anecdotes of individuals to develop new hypotheses and treatments. Brown fat is not just for cold thermogenesis, it also has essential secretory functions in the body.Cold exposure can improve brain function and aid in recovery from brain injuries.Regular cold exposure can stimulate mitogenesis and rejuvenate mitochondria, leading to improved metabolism.Cold exposure can enhance resilience and emotional intelligence in relationships. Deliberate cold exposure can recruit brown fat and improve metabolic health.Cold exposure can release stress and promote psychological resilience.Hypertension and transient global amnesia are contraindications to be aware of.Approach cold exposure with caution and listen to your body's response.Thomas Seager's book, Uncommon Cold, explores the science and experiences of deliberate cold exposure.The website Morozco Forge provides resources and articles on the topic.Visit Morozco Forge for more on Thomas Seager's work.

Hey everyone, it's Sharla and Robert! We're thrilled to celebrate our 74th episode of Master Your Marriage! If you're new here, hit subscribe so you don't miss out. For our loyal listeners, thanks for the love! Don't forget to leave a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review!Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionThis Episode's Highlights:Robert's Career Revelation: Robert shares his journey from contractor to CEO and how a simple mirror exercise revealed his true values.

Dr. Alan Holmes discusses male hormones and the effects of aging on testosterone levels. He explains that as men age, testosterone levels naturally decline, leading to symptoms such as fatigue, low energy, decreased libido, and reduced motivation. However, he emphasizes that low testosterone is not just a normal part of aging and can be treated. Dr. Holmes discusses the different methods of testosterone supplementation, including pellets, injections, and creams, and highlights the importance of individualized treatment based on symptoms and lab results. He also addresses common concerns and misconceptions about testosterone, such as its impact on prostate health and the risk of side effects.TakeawaysLow testosterone is not just a normal part of aging and can be treated.Testosterone supplementation can help improve symptoms such as fatigue, low energy, decreased libido, and reduced motivation.Treatment options include pellets, injections, and creams, and the choice depends on individual needs and preferences.Monitoring testosterone levels and adjusting treatment based on symptoms and lab results is important for optimal results.Concerns about testosterone's impact on prostate health and the risk of side effects are often based on outdated or incomplete information.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Dr. Alan Holmes' Background02:10 Understanding Male Hormones and Aging06:19 Different Terms for Male Hormone Changes09:02 Recognizing Symptoms of Low Testosterone14:44 Debunking Myths: Testosterone and Prostate Health22:58 Treatment Options for Erectile Dysfunction36:26 Natural Ways to Increase Testosterone41:17 Conclusion and Contact Information

The episode discusses the importance of a strong sense of self in maintaining sexual desire in relationships. It emphasizes the need to focus on oneself rather than relying on others for validation and approval. The hosts share a story of a couple who experienced sexual desire problems due to their underdeveloped sense of self. They provide steps for strengthening one's sense of self, including observing, evaluating, and interrupting automatic behaviors. The hosts recommend the book 'Everything Isn't Terrible' by Dr. Kathleen Smith as a resource for further exploration.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionTakeawaysA strong sense of self is crucial for maintaining sexual desire in relationships.Focusing on oneself rather than relying on others for validation and approval is important.Observing, evaluating, and interrupting automatic behaviors can help strengthen one's sense of self.The book 'Everything Isn't Terrible' by Dr. Kathleen Smith is a recommended resource for further exploration.Chapters00:00 Introduction: The Role of Sense of Self in Sexual Desire18:32 The Impact of an Underdeveloped Sense of Self on Sexual Desire29:19 Steps for Strengthening Sense of Self37:22 Conclusion: Observing, Evaluating, and InterruptingFollow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en#sexualempowerment #relationship #marriage #validation #mature #emotionalintelligence #desire

Hey everyone! It's Sharla Snow here, and welcome back to another episode of "Master Your Marriage." Today, we're diving into an important topic with our special guest, Dr. Jenn Simmons. Dr. Jenn is an integrative oncologist, author, and the founder of Real Health MD. She's here to talk about perimenopause, hormone replacement therapy (HRT), and the truth about their connection to breast cancer. Trust me, you don't want to miss this one!Dr. Jenn shares her journey from being a top breast cancer surgeon to starting Real Health MD. We discuss the often-overlooked symptoms of perimenopause and the impact of hormone deficiencies on our health. I also share my personal experience with these symptoms and how HRT transformed my life. Dr. Jenn debunks the myths around HRT and breast cancer and explains how to find a hormone-literate physician.This episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice for anyone dealing with hormonal changes. Dr. Jenn explains the benefits of HRT and the importance of addressing hormone deficiencies early. Don't miss out on this empowering conversation!Chapters:00:00 - Introduction00:20 - Meet Dr. Jenn Simmons01:00 - Dr. Jenn's Journey03:00 - Perimenopause Symptoms06:20 - Estrogen and HRT10:00 - Sharla's Personal Experience13:40 - Debunking HRT Myths16:00 - Finding a Hormone-Literate Doctor18:20 - Safe Practices for HRT21:00 - Long-Term Health Impact25:00 - Closing and How to ConnectLinks Mentioned:Real Health MD (https://www.realhealthmd.com/)Keeping Abreast with Dr. Jenn Podcast (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/keeping-abreast-with-dr-jenn/id1697193398)Dr. Jenn Simmons on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-simmons-md-16198389/)The Smart Woman's Guide to Breast Cancer - Book (https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Womans-Guide-Breast-Cancer/dp/B0D38MNWBK)#marriage #menopause #hormonehealth #breastcancer #womenshealth #holistichealth

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionIn this conversation, I explore the impacts of hormones on sexuality, focusing on the changes that occur in women's bodies during perimenopause and menopause. We delve into the physical and mental health challenges, as well as the implications for sexual function. Be ready to receive insights and strategies for maintaining sexual health and desire as women age, emphasizing the importance of open communication and empowerment through knowledge.TakeawaysHormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause can have significant impacts on a woman's physical and mental health, as well as her sexual function.Open communication about sexual needs and changes in the body is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life as women age.Empowerment through knowledge and access to resources, such as hormone therapy and sexual wellness products, can support women in maintaining sexual health and desire as they age.#sexualempowerment #healthyaging #menopause #hormonehealth #empowerment #ageless #menopausesymptoms