Podcast appearances and mentions of james here

Former Royal Marine and war correspondent James Glancy joins The Winston Marshall Show to expose the forgotten frontlines in the global war against the West—from the collapse of South Africa to the decline of Britain itself.Glancy paints a stark picture of South Africa's state failure: rampant corruption, electricity blackouts, water scarcity, violent crime, and a government captured by radical Marxist factions. He warns of the Chinese Communist Party's growing grip on African nations through arms deals, infrastructure control, and soft power dominance. But the rot isn't limited to the Global South.Turning to the UK, Glancy sounds the alarm on the surge in illegal small boat crossings across the Channel—highlighting how Britain's borders are no longer secure, and its military forces, once the pride of the West, are being hollowed out by budget cuts, political cowardice, and institutional decay.We explore how both nations—one emerging, the other formerly imperial—are now plagued by similar crises: elite complacency, ideological capture, and the erosion of national identity.All this—CCP power plays, Britain's vanishing navy, border chaos, racial politics, and the silent unravelling of Western civilisation…Watch more of James HERE: https://www.youtube.com/@UCXQDiBz2AxH3HzuIT09g9FA -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------To see more exclusive content and interviews consider subscribing to my substack here: https://www.winstonmarshall.co.uk/-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA:Substack: https://www.winstonmarshall.co.uk/X: https://twitter.com/mrwinmarshallInsta: https://www.instagram.com/winstonmarshallLinktree: https://linktr.ee/winstonmarshall----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapters 1:44 James Glancy's Military Background and Early Career7:32 Tours in Afghanistan and the Impact of Conflict 13:21 Strategic Defence Review and British Military Decline 37:33 Chagos Island and British Foreign Policy 1:01:34 British Military Role in Channel Crossings1:08:32 South African Farm Attacks and Racial Incitement 1:11:34 White Farmers' Safety and Media Representation 1:18:59 Complexities of Race Relations and Farming Life 1:22:20 Economic and Social Impact of Farming1:24:12 Refugee Status and Political Implications 1:30:46 Conclusion and Future Plans Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Notes from James:Here's the truth: if my great-great-great grandfather had written anything—just 10 pages about his daily life—I'd treasure it like gold. And I promise, your great-grandkids will feel the same about your story.You don't need to be a celebrity to write something that matters. You just need to be honest. Whether you're sharing how you survived grief, learned to say no, built new habits, or rebuilt your life after failure—your story could help someone else. And it could help you just as much.Episode Description:In this part one of a two-part episode, I walk you through the frameworks I've used in books like Choose Yourself and The Power of No, and show you how other authors—AJ Jacobs, Annie Duke, Susan Cain—infused autobiography into books that went on to change people's lives.I also break down the different types of autobiographical books—from traditional memoirs and mini-memoirs, to autobiographical fiction and nonfiction hybrids—and I explain how bestselling books like Atomic Habits, The Puzzler, and Man's Search for Meaning are all, at heart, autobiographies.This episode is part motivation, part masterclass in storytelling, and part therapy. If you've been sitting on a life story, this is the sign you've been waiting for.Oh, and yes, I'll even give you writing prompts and reflection questions to help you actually start.I also created a book-writing course: How to write and publish a book in 30 days.If this episode gets you thinking, share it with someone who has a story to tell.What You'll Learn: Why writing a memoir isn't about being famous—it's about being authentic How to turn life events, trauma, and setbacks into powerful narrative fuel The 5+ major types of autobiographical books (and how to pick yours) Why adding personal stories makes your writing more marketable, memorable, and meaningful The exact questions to ask yourself before you start writingTime Stamps00:00 Why Write an Autobiography?00:47 The Value of Personal History02:46 Memoirs and Mini Memoirs10:21 AI and Autobiographical Writing17:14 Unique Perspectives and Philosophies21:07 Opportunities Through Writing28:03 Defining Your Mission and Purpose30:22 Reflecting on Life's Important Events38:52 Overcoming Adversity and Difficult Situations45:16 Crafting Your Unique AutobiographyAdditional ResourcesHow to write and publish a book in 30 days.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Amidst election results, environmental crises and more, Raghu and James Baraz consider how to awaken joy in times of disillusion.To learn more about James' work with the environment and to see how you can help, check out One EarthThis time on Mindrolling, James and Raghu have a talk on: Vulnerability and unconditional loveAwakening Joy in times of disillusionJames' definition of Joy as the sense of well-beingMaking space for all the feelings we feelTraining ourselves to look for the goodHow we have lost our connection to the landBeing courageous and coming from loveIndigenous and Buddhist teachings that point us to our place in the worldUnderstanding the consequences of our actionsSila and acting with integrity as a path to inner peaceWhy meditation is so essentialThe joy of connection and a closing gratitude practice About James BarazJames Baraz has taught mindfulness meditation since 1978 and is co-founder of the world-renowned Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California. He is co-author of two books Awakening Joy: 10 Steps to a Happier Life and Awakening Joy for Kids. James has taught the Awakening Joy course to over 24,000 people from 30 countries since 2003, as well as retreats and workshops in the U.S. and internationally. Learn more about James HERE.“Actions have consequences, that is what karma is. What we do now has an effect on what's to come in our children and future generations. Those are the dots that somehow the rich, supposedly brilliant minds, haven't seen.” – James BarazSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How do you scale your business without losing that personal touch your customers love? And how do you grow without getting lost in a sea of spreadsheets and HR headaches?   My guest today is James Bogart, wealth advisor and owner of Bogart Wealth. James manages over $3 billion in client assets. But he isn't just about scaling the numbers. James is about nurturing a team that's as invested in your mission as you are. And making money at the same time!   Today, James shares his playbook on building a business that thrives on more than just profits. He's talking about the importance of aligning your team around a vision that drives growth and makes every Monday feel like a fun mission. James also reveals his personal journey of prioritizing health and wellness. And how this shift not only transformed his life but turbocharged his business success.   If you want to lead with purpose and build a business that stands out for the right reasons, this episode is for you.    Connect with James HERE.    Are you a financial advisor? Join the exclusive email list for financial advisors HERE.    Get access to Simple Teen Success HERE.   Order your copy of the USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling book Good Money Revolution here: https://amzn.to/34hSonE   Book Derrick to speak at your next event HERE.   For daily tips to help you make and save money, follow us on Instagram @derricktkinney   

Save 81% and get 5 MONTHS FREE with a new VPN https://surfshark.deals/GRAPPLE Help the show  and grab all of your official WWE Merch here https://wwe-shop.sjv.io/rQbz4y Check out James's show 'Cafe De Rene' with former WWE Star Rene Dupree here https://www.youtube.com/@cafederene    The guys are back with the co-host of 'Cafe De Rene', James Here! We have cracking chat with James about all to do with his show, the origins, Bill Goldberg, AEW, the potential TNA renaissance, chatting with heroes like Kurt Angle & Jake Roberts. There's also time for a very special pop in from James' good friend Paul London!  We hope you enjoy this chat as much as we did, and don't forget to hit those LIKE & SUBSCRIBE buttons!

On today's episode, host Easton Freeze is joined by James Foster of AtoZ Film Room to discuss: Mike Vrabel announces Will Levis as the starting QB for the rest of 2023 (4:00) Will Levis Film with James (14:58) Reviewing the Titans' very questionable OLine play (45:25) Titans News with Producer JT (1:03:34) Brought to you by BoomBozz Craft Pizza & Taphouse! Find a location near you at boombooz.com Subscribe to James HERE: https://tinyurl.com/ye2696td ______________________________ Tips? Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Email the show here: easton@broadwaysportsmedia.com Subscribe to The Hot Read Podcast here: Apple: https://apple.co/3eGTlel Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3d2UcW4 Subscribe to the Broadway Sports Media YouTube channel here: https://youtube.com/@BroadwaySportsMedia Follow us on social media! Instagram: https://tinyurl.com/2s3v9dcw TikTok: https://tinyurl.com/mya8kpme The Hot Read Podcast on Twitter: https://tinyurl.com/5238x3c9 Easton Freeze on Twitter: https://tinyurl.com/2r99j4cu Producer JT on Twitter: https://tinyurl.com/2p8wj389 Broadway Sports Media on Twitter: https://tinyurl.com/yc3jrp2e Visit our website for all things Titans, Nashville SC, Predators, and more: https://broadwaysportsmedia.com/

James: Here is what you have to look forward to this week: SEGMENT 1 IF ANY OF YOU LACK… SEGMENT 2 THE ROYAL LAW SEGMENT 3 BOTH/AND SEGMENT 4 A LITTLE FIRE SEGMENT 5 A 3 MPH GOD The Don't Miss This Newsletter including tips for kids, teens, couples and individuals can be found at: www.dontmissthisstudy.com Videos can be found on YouTube: Don't Miss This Emily Belle Freeman Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/emilybellefreeman/ Instagram: @emilybellefreeman David Butler Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mrdavebutler/ Instagram: @mrdavebutler Come, Follow Me is a resource offered by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is designed to be used in the home to support personal and family scripture study to build faith in Heavenly Father and His plan of salvation and in the Savior Jesus Christ and His Atonement. Come, Follow Me is self-contained and adequate, when used properly. Products and materials designed to supplement this resource, though they may be helpful in some instances, are not necessary for a successful home study program. Don't Miss This Team hello@dontmissthisstudy.com

James Here!

James Here!

James Here!

James Here!

Hey there, it's your favourite car enthusiast, James Here!

Hey there, it's your favourite car enthusiast, James Here!

James Here! Welcome to the PowerWorks Podcast, where I talk to Glenn Power, the owner of PowerWorks Auto, about all things car-related.

James Here. I am thrilled to share this podcast short with you, where Dr. Jenna Burton and I explore the exciting world of non-surgical aesthetic treatments. These treatments, such as hydration boosters, fillers, and onic acid injections, can help you achieve that natural, radiant look we all desire. These treatments can enhance your natural glow by providing your skin with essential hydration. Our expert discussions will provide valuable insights you won't miss. Here are some key takeaways: 1. Non-surgical treatments can hydrate your skin, leaving it fresh and dewy. 2. Natural-looking aesthetic treatments are becoming increasingly popular as they enhance your features without requiring a significant financial or time commitment. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/podaholiks/message

James Here. I am thrilled to share this podcast short with you, where Dr. Jenna Burton and I explore the exciting world of non-surgical aesthetic treatments. These treatments, such as hydration boosters, fillers, and onic acid injections, can help you achieve that natural, radiant look we all desire. These treatments can enhance your natural glow by providing your skin with essential hydration. Our expert discussions will provide valuable insights you won't miss. Here are some key takeaways: 1. Non-surgical treatments can hydrate your skin, leaving it fresh and dewy. 2. Natural-looking aesthetic treatments are becoming increasingly popular as they enhance your features without requiring a significant financial or time commitment. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thejamescast/message

James Here!

How many fishing clubs should you be a member of?  What do you do if you get an emergency call and the river is alive with salmon?I discuss these questions and many more with my guest James Gilbraith.We also talk about his latest book, Anarchy Pie,  that carries on from his previous books, Terminal Chancer and Hooked on Hope.James is an entertaining and very funny guest who will have you laughing out loud when you are listening to this episode!More from James HERE

THE HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES by Joseph Campbell / A TASTE FOR DEATH by P.D. James Here's a Call to Adventure for you -- listen to this podcast episode about Joseph Campbell's theory of the monomyth (a.k.a. THE HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES). We will be your wise Mentor and teach you all the hot gossip about our pal Joey C. Then, after several Challenges and Temptations to reference "Mr. Brightside," we will enter the Abyss to discuss P.D. James' detective procedural A TASTE FOR DEATH (and Rebirth). Bailey goes through a serious Transformation when she learns the truth about Toby's review. Finally, we Return to the place where we belong -- a far too intense competition about story structures real and imagined. I worked hard on this description and feel forever changed by the journey of writing it!!!

Bruce and Judy talk about Chicago's infrastructure and how the population is rapidly decreasing and what that means politically. They also talk to gun rights expert Emily Taylor about the big gun case that is headed to the Supreme Court and what that could mean to everyone around the country. The Schaumburg Boomer's are back in action and we talk to Boomer's GM Michael Lareson. Plus David Chih the founder and president of the Asian American Cultural Center at the U of I talks about Asian American hate crimes and what we can do about stopping them. It's BARBECUE season!!!! We talk with Greg Stinton the owner of Small Batch Barbecue on today's Gettin' Foodie with Bruce and Judy Bruce St. James: Here to have a conversation, not to lecture. Having started in radio at the age of 17, and having no other meaningful jobs since, it's safe to say I have no other marketable skills. Growing up in Washington D.C. and Tucson, Arizona ex

Guest host Wendy Snyder fills in for Bruce today along with her guests- Alexander Zalben from Decider.com to talk Oscars and more. Chef Jeff Mauro "The Sandwich King" talks about his new cookbook "Come on Over". Dr Allison Arwady checks in with the latest vaccination details. Dr John Duffy tells us how to deal with anxiety over Covid with your teenagers and radio legend Kevin Matthews talks about his latest project. Bruce St. James: Here to have a conversation, not to lecture. Having started in radio at the age of 17, and having no other meaningful jobs since, it's safe to say I have no other marketable skills. Growing up in Washington D.C. and Tucson, Arizona ex

Weekly Wisdom and Wonderings: We discuss a new Gallup poll that shows the majority of Americans are no longer affiliated with a church.Main Topic: We wrestle with the classic question of what happens to those who never hear the Gospel.You can find the article on the Gallup poll HEREYou can find a recent interview with James HERE

James Fisher PhD (james.fisher @ solent.ac.uk) is a Course Leader and Senior Lecturer for the School of Sport, Health, and Social Sciences at Southampton Solent University in the UK. James is one of the top researchers specialized in resistance training and more generally in exercise science.  Listen to my other podcasts with James HERE. Luke Carlson is the CEO and founder of Discover Strength based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA. Discover Strength owns and operates strength training studios as well as the Discover Strength Franchise. Luke is passionate and loves to share his knowledge about management, leadership, and evidence-based exercise. Listen to my previous podcasts with Luke HERE. For all of the show notes, links and resources - Click Here

Book Your High-Performance Success Call with James Here: https://calendly.com/jallencoaching/success This was a very interesting and thought-provoking interview. Marty Ray Project and I had never met in person, on a phone or a Zoom call before this interview, and kept it as raw as possible. What a gem this man is to the world and I am so grateful to have spent this time with him discussing God, prayer, growth, horoscopes, and what it means to live a truly fulfilling life by serving others. If you don't already know, Marty Ray Project is an indie artist that has built himself a fan base of over 1.2 million people and over 200 million views across all of his social media platforms. Marty is also an actor that has co-starred in TV shows like The Detour on TBS, ZOO on CBS, and Preacher on AMC. As well as acting in various films as well. Before his accomplishments in music and acting, he has been podcasting since before people even knew what podcasting was. He is now writing an article for a publication that highlights indie artists, like himself, on top of everything else. Needless to say, anything in entertainment, Marty Ray Project is up for it. Marty Ray Project's MPI: To create a homeless shelter that will give its attendees a second chance to make a life for themselves by providing food, shelter, amenities, and Bible studies. Connect With Marty Ray Project Marty's Ray Project Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/4zz4i4uYGr7YWBUBgpWzyp Website: https://www.martyrayproject.com/ Social Media: @MartyRayProject

James Fisher PhD (james.fisher @ solent.ac.uk) is a Course Leader and Senior Lecturer for the School of Sport, Health, and Social Sciences at Southampton Solent University in the UK. James is considered as one of the leading researchers in exercise science particularly resistance training. Listen to my other podcasts with James HERE. Luke Carlson is the founder and CEO of Discover Strength based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA. Discover Strength owns and operates strength training studios as well as the Discover Strength Franchise. Luke speaks around the world on leadership, management, and evidence-based exercise. Listen to my previous podcasts with Luke HERE.  In this episode, James Fisher and Luke Carlson discuss the principles and rules around workout design, systems in terms of designing exercise order, workout design best practices, benefits of specific lower body strength training, and much more. Grow your HIT studio business For all of the show notes, links and resources - Click Here

From a village in Kenya to New York Fashion Week, this is a story of how one woman’s generosity, boldness, and love for African artistry and design brought women from the streets to sustainability in the name of Jesus. Today you’ll hear from my friend Anna Taylor who founded and runs the nonprofit James 127 and the fashion company Judith and James. James127 Foundation brings God's hope to widows and orphans through artistry by providing free sewing training to vulnerable women in Kenya. James127 was founded on the bible verse James 1:27 which states, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Through James 127, the widowed women learn to create beautiful products that lead to a sustainable means to provide for themselves and their families. Anna is an Arkansan and has given up everything here to bring art made in Kenya and the stories of the women whose hands are at work into the light. Sponsor a Compassion child HERE Or you can text YOURLIGHT to 83393. You’ll get a text back with a link to sponsor! Shop Judith & James HERE

Join the Patreon Team! HERE!  See Frederica's Website HERE Mary as the Early Christians Knew Her bookRead the Protoevangelion of James HERE

This week we sit down and try a new format. We will be rolling out new "segments" as we go on but trying to be a little more organized within the chaos that is us. Please leave us a review or follow us on Instagram. Links below. DATING! In the gay and straight worlds with neighbor Jackie/Jessica and JamesJim hanging out with family that doesn’t understand what’s going on for black and LGBTQ+ people (we’ll cover in news)seeing continued protests - people want change;News story 1: Voter Suppression Key Points: Georgia, direct result of Supreme Court gutting VRA Supreme court decided to get rid of parts of the Voting Rights Act https://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/26/us/supreme-court-ruling.html News Story 2: LGBTQ+ & The Trump Administration Key Points: LGBTQ+ rights disappearing Trans discrimination in health care is allowedhttps://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2020/06/12/868073068/transgender-health-protections-reversed-by-trump-administration Trump files a brief with Supreme Court to stop gay adoption in TAX-PAYER funded catholic adoption group; https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/adoption-agency-should-be-able-reject-gay-couples-trump-administration-n1224911 Trump appointing judges who have openly stated even to this day that they do not feel marriage equality is valid This year is very important for our LGBTQ+ rights...many rights have been eroded and many more could beInterview with Jackie (Jessica is her nickname) & James - - Here are some of the topics & discussions Who are Jackie and James? Whats the relationships been likeThe whole world shit on meStarting from the bottom now we’re hereYou can go first you little cowboyStable, you mean two thick thighsHe likes twinks, I knew itTwo bottoms don’t make a topI’m a novelty though, so....Are you a reverse cowgirl?Are straight girls looking for the same thing I’m looking forI need to know what you’re looking forWhat are you looking for honeyYou’re the woman girlI’ve been told multiple times I need to go to church, that’s where I’ll find my husbandGay or Straight hookups are not the same Hookups? YES Listen boys she’s a keeperThat’s why you didn’t find love, you didn’t pay for itDepends are you a bossy bottomYour communication is interestingShitting during sex is not cute Gay guys are different than Straights Girls in ways Ride or die bitchGay or Straight, Everyone is miserable? Enjoy what point you are at in your life currently Happiness Course (science of happiness) Physical things usually don't make us happy long term, we need experiences Be Happy and your "person" is out there (or people) #podcast #podcasting #podcasts #podcastlife #podcaster #podcastersofinstagram #itunes #comedy #funny #gaypodcast #shesnotdoingsowell #Dating #Gay #lgbt #match.com #relationships #ComedyPodcast #LGBTPodcastCALL OUR PISSED OFF LINE AND YOU COULD BE PLAYED ON THE SHOW!!! 669) 207-4643Our Info:www.shesnotdoingsowell.comSupport Us:https://www.patreon.com/shesnotdoingsowell Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdoingsowell/

James Steele, PhD (james.steele @ solent.ac.uk) is an Associate Professor of Sport and Exercise Science at Southampton Solent University, UK and is also the Principal Investigator at Ukactive Research Institute. He has extensive research and consultancy experiences in physical activity, exercise and sports working with elite athletes. See James’ published peer reviewed articles.  James was a member of the Expert Working Group revising the CMO of Physical Activity Guidelines for the UK. He is a founding member of both the Strength and Conditioning Society, and the Society for Transparency, Openness, and Replication in Kinesiology. James is also a member of the American College of Sports Medicine and the British Association of Sport and Exercise Sciences, and is a Fellow of the Higher Education Academy. Listen to my previous episodes with James HERE. In this episode, James Steele discusses exercise efficacy vs. effectiveness, impact of effectiveness research on HIT and healthcare, effects of isometric exercise on blood pressure, and much more. Don’t miss James’ workout regimen in the last part.  Access exclusive exercise science reviews inside HIT Business Membership For all of the show notes, links and resources - Click Here   This episode is brought to you by ARXFit.com, ARX are the most innovative, efficient and effective all-in-one exercise machines I have ever seen. I was really impressed with my ARX workout. The intensity and adaptive resistance were unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I love how the machine enables you to increase the negative load to fatigue target muscles more quickly and I love how the workouts are effortlessly quantified. The software tracks maximum force output, rate of work, total amount of work done and more in front of you on-screen, allowing you to compete with your pervious performance, to give you and your clients real-time motivation. As well as being utilized by many HIT trainers to deliver highly effective and efficient workouts to their clients, ARX comes highly recommended by world-class trainers and brands including Bulletproof, Tony Robbins, and Ben Greenfield Fitness. To find out more about ARX and get $500 OFF install, please go to ARXFit.com and mention “High Intensity Business” in the how did you hear about us field – ORDER HERE

James Ketterer is Dean of International Studies at Bard College and Director of the Bard Globalization and International Affairs program in New York City. Watch James' TEDx talk HERE. Connect with James HERE. BeTheTalk is a 7 day a week podcast where Nathan Eckel chats with talkers from TEDx and other branded events. Learn the tips tools and techniques that can help you give the talk to change the world!

James Ketterer is Dean of International Studies at Bard College and Director of the Bard Globalization and International Affairs program in New York City. Watch James' TEDx talk HERE. Connect with James HERE. BeTheTalk is a 7 day a week podcast where Nathan Eckel chats with talkers from TEDx and other branded events. Learn the tips tools and techniques that can help you give the talk to change the world!

Our third and final episode of maritime tales. Among some lighthearted shorts, we meet a sailor's wife, and then witness the birth of the ship that's we've heard so much about. Music: Creepy — Bensound.com.     James: Here are some Totally Made Up Tales, brought to you by the magic of the internet. Alternating: Jump over small hoops. It's better than going through them. Sweeten your deal with honey. It will help you get sales. Mixing your metaphors will lead you to water. Walk a long way. You'll clear your mind and stretch your legs. James: And now: The Sailor's Wife. Alternating: Heather was the wife of a sailor who spent many months away at sea at a time. She survived on hope and her only consolation was her child, Phillip. He was the apple of her eye. Three years old and running around like a maniac. Just the spit of his father. One day, Heather and Phillip were playing in the sand when Phillip saw a ship entering the harbour. "That is my Daddy's ship," he cried. "No," said Heather. "Your daddy is away for another six months." "No," said Phillip. "That is my Daddy's ship," and he stamped his foot petulantly. Heather caught him up in an embrace. "We'll go and look at it." They walked to the harbour wall, Phillip squirming in anticipation. "There he is!", he said, pointing to a man walking away from the ship. "No," said Heather. "That man is too tall." "There!" said Phillip, pointing at a different man. "No," said Heather. "That man is too short." "There!", said Phillip, pointing at a third man. "Well," said Heather, "it is very similar to Roger. I wonder what he's doing back so soon." They walked quickly to where the man was standing. "Are you my husband?", asked Heather. "Are you my Daddy?", asked Phillip. "Are you my family?", asked the man, and they embraced. "Why are you back so soon?" asked Heather. "That is a long story," said Roger, "and one day, I will tell it to you." "We met a disaster just as we were passing the Rock of Gibraltar. The Captain saw three figures floating above the deck and one pointed at him and let a fearsome cry. The second pointed at him and spoke words of dread. The third pointed at him and spoke nothing. The Captain locked himself in his cabin and refused to come out, insisting that we return home at once. The First Mate brought us around and navigated us safely home. I do not know when we shall sail again, but this is a terrible portent." Heather held his hand and hoped that he would never go away again. Phillip also held his father's hand. The End. Alternating: Attention to detail is a devil's errand, so allow yourself to be sloppy. Muster Mister Custer, pester Lester. Faster, Pastor Caster! and foster Coster Gloucester. "Splice the main brace," said Jeffrey, and proceeded to get drunk. James: And now: The Ship Awakes. Andrew: Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang went the hammers against the wood and the sound reverberated around the mighty shed of the shipyard. James: They were putting the finishing touches on the latest ship to roll through the George & Brothers Shipyards, at Chatham. Andrew: She was a truly beautiful vessel, destined for the merchant marine. Large, imposing, grandiose, sleek, missing only the final pieces of decking and the mast to be fixed and raised. James: Spencer, the ship's architect was watching from one side, from the office, as the men swarmed over her. Andrew: He turned, from watching the finishing touches being made, to the ship that he had been imagining for so long. Rolled up the plans on his desk, locked the office door, and headed off to meet the ship's new owner. James: Over a pint in the Rope and Anchor, they toasted the successful completion of the ship's hull, and looked forward to her launch next week, to join the merchant fleet owned by this particular businessman. Andrew: The end of the day came, the foreman blew his whistle, the workmen downed their tools and set out for their homes, and the shipyard shed was locked securely for the night. James: There she rested, silent and waiting. Andrew: The silence of the ship building shed at night had the special quality that only comes to spaces that so often ring with noise. It had a textured feeling to it, as if you could reach out and touch it. James: A shaft of moonlight through the windows of the shed, illuminated the brass name plate on the ship's stern. "Sea Sprite." Andrew: If anyone had been in the shed, they might have had the eerie feeling that someone behind them was watching, and have turned and found nothing but the ship bearing down on them, as its soul slowly started to awaken. James: What do ships dream about before they first touch the ocean? What can a boat imagine before it feels the kiss of a wave? What could go through the mind of Sea Sprite, before she had ever even tasted the open air? Andrew: That same observer, who we earlier imagined, might feel, not just a watchful, but was it a malevolent presence? No. Not quite malevolent, but somehow not of this world. James: All ships have personalities, and those personalities are shaped and changed by their captain and their crew, but at birth, they are invested by only two things. The men who built her and the wood she is constructed from.   Andrew: Once upon a time, in a far off land, where a warm rain falls for much of the day, for much of the year, and many exotic animals make their homes, and the forest is alive with the squawks of birds, and the ribbitting of frogs, and the hissing of snakes and other wildlife… there stood a tree. A mighty hardwood tree, towering over all the others. James: It had been there so long, that it had seen not only generations of creatures and birds come and go, but it had also seen the gradual rise of the forest around it, and indeed, deep within its rings, it still bore the memories of the open plain. Andrew: Ah, the time of the open plain. The tree was one of the few remaining witnesses of the period in history, when humans has first descended from the trees, walked on the grounds, and formed their earliest tribes. James: In its branches and whorls, in its trunk and its bark, were encoded the history of not only the human race, but so many other species that it had seen rise and sometimes fall before it. Andrew: Owing to its long life, the tree possessed a deep wisdom that few others were able to obtain, through years of reflection and adversity. Many human shamans and magic men and women had come to worship at the tree, and to draw strength from its wisdom and from its magical power. James: For generations, the savviest traders would come and eat under the tree, hoping that its wisdom would somehow filter into them, and help them be better in the world. Andrew: Now the tree stood tall and proud. Its history rooted deeply inside it. And it knew that a change was about to come. James: The animals and birds were gradually being driven out of the forest, and indeed the forest itself, was being felled one tree at a time. Andrew: And then, the fateful day dawned when the foresters came for the mystical tree itself, and began to hack their little axes into its bark, and slowly cut out an enormous wedge from its base, until it fell — bringing down with it many smaller trees, and other parts of the canopy, so that it too could, in its turn, be packed up, chopped down into planks, shipped off, and sold to European merchants. James: In the shed of the shipyard, Sea Sprite lay waiting, and dreamed of revenge. I'm James, and I'm here with Andrew. These stories were recorded without advanced planning, and then lightly edited for the discerning listener. Join us next time for more Totally Made Up Tales.   Andrew: Muster Mister Coster. Pester Lester, test… James: No, I think when we pester Lester, you need to move on to something else, don't you? Andrew: Oh, okay. James: Well, I don't think there's a third one with pester Lester. Andrew: Oh, I don't know why in my head, it was gonna go pester Lester, test a sister. But, that was maybe a bit… James: Yeah, that wasn't gonna happen. I would not have guessed that. Andrew: But, okay. So, pester Lester. I'll just keep "test a sister" for myself. James: Okay.

Our first episode of tales set at sea and among sea-going folk: The Captain's Log, The Dark Gentleman, and other stories. Music: Creepy — Bensound.com.   James: Here are some totally made up tales brought to you by the magic of the internet. First this episode: The Captain's Log. James/Andrew (alternating) Once, the Captain was writing a log entry when he noticed out the window that there was another ship following them. That seemed strange, because no one had charted these waters before him. He did what he would normally do when sighting another ship: he wrote down its bearing and approximate distance, and ordered the bosun to raise more sail in order to get distance between them. After darkness had fallen, they changed course in order to lose them. Sailing in the darkness by dead of night, a ship felt like a world of its own. Gliding nearly silently through the black waters, crested with a rime of white catching the moonlight, the crew spoke softly in case they should be overheard by any other beings. Sunrise brought a fresh breeze and no sign of the ship, but that very evening it appeared once more. At dusk it was gaining on them, but once darkness fell they changed course to avoid them. Sunrise came again and brought an empty horizon. The third night a hush descended on the ship. You could hear a pin drop. From astern there came the sound of a woman crying. Her sobs rended the hearts of the men, so much was it a call to their own loneliness. "Beware!" cried the Captain. "'Tis a sprite!" But the men paid no heed, tacked the ship towards the sobbing, and tried to rescue her. One by one, they jumped into the water over the rail. One by one, they swam towards the heart-rending sound. And one by one, their sounds faded into nothingness. Finally only the Captain and the First Mate remained on the ship. "Don't you go in," said the Captain, but too late. Come morning the boat was full of men once more — climbing up the mast, hanging from the spars, and scrubbing the deck. The Captain looked around in great surprise. Returning to his cabin, he made an entry in the log reading: July Fourteenth. The crew have been replaced by fairies. God have mercy on my soul. Seventeen years later, the floating hull was discovered by a Royal Navy vessel, which determined that the boat had been abandoned, and all aboard had perished.  They found the Captain's log, the final entry still wet.   James: Chase … Andrew: Away … James: Your … Andrew: Demons … James: By … Andrew: Going … James: To … Andrew: Sea.   James: Make … Andrew: Biscuits … James: Using … Andrew: Flour … James: And … Andrew: Weevils … James: They'll … Andrew: Taste … James: Crunchy … Andrew: And … James: Delicious.   Andrew: Damp … James: Will … Andrew: Get … James: Everywhere … Andrew: When … James: You … Andrew: Are … James: At … Andrew: Sea. That wasn't really a proverb; that was just a fact. James: It was just a statement of fact.   Andrew: Rum … James: And … Andrew: Sodomy … James: Neither … Andrew: Are … James: Welcome … Andrew: In … James: My … Andrew: Navy. James: Rum and sodomy. I mean it's really just the Georgian Navy's equivalent of 'Netflix and Chill.'   Setting … Andrew: Sail … James: From … Andrew: Southampton … James: We … Andrew: Encountered … James: Three … Andrew: Witches … James: Floating … Andrew: On … James: The … Andrew: Surface … James: Of … Andrew: The … James: Sea. Andrew: One … James: Told … Andrew: Us … James: That … Andrew: Our … James: Voyage … Andrew: Would … James: Be … Andrew: Successful. James: One … Andrew: Told … James: Us … Andrew: That … James: Our … Andrew: Voyage … James: Would … Andrew: Be … James: Traumatic. Andrew: The … James: Third … Andrew: Told … James: us … Andrew: That … James: Our … Andrew: Voyage … James: Would … Andrew: Be … James: Long. Andrew: Which … James: Witch … Andrew: Was … James: Telling … Andrew: The … James: Truth?   And now: The Dark Gentleman.   Andrew/James (alternating): The morning of the ninth day of the month of May, the ship broke free of its mooring, and started to float towards the mouth of the harbour. Aboard was a distinguished gentleman, who was known throughout the land as a practitioner of the Dark Arts. He had a small moustache and black hair, an avuncular face but long talon-like fingers. He had paid for a cabin across the Atlantic Ocean. The men muttered amongst themselves superstitiously, but accepted his presence since their pay had been raised thanks to his generosity. He intended to spend the voyage shut in his room reading about the newest discoveries in the occult realm. His colleagues in the New World were anxious that he should be ready to assist in their Great Endeavour upon his arrival. His routine was to rise at dawn, read a paper from his colleagues and pray for safe weather to his guardian demons. After breakfast he would jog around the poop deck before settling down into another book. So passed the many hours and days at sea, until on the thirtieth day of the voyage a cry was raised by the lookout. "Ship astern!" There was a black sailed ship some half mile off, emerging from a mist. The Captain immediately summoned the officers, and the Dark Gentleman. "I fear that we are being tracked by pirates. We must load the cannon and prepare to defend ourselves." "Or," said the Dark Man, "we could simply repel them using…" And here he trailed off, and suggestively made a twirling shape with his fingers. The Captain was a practical man and didn't think that this would work, but gave it the go ahead anyway while preparing the cannon. The magician sat cross legged on the fore deck, surrounded by his Dark Objects. He lit a candle, made a sacrifice of his own blood, and started chanting in runic verse. The cannon was loaded, and the Captain ordered it pointed at the vessel gaining fast on them. Before he could fire the other vessel caught fire and burned to the water line. The Captain looked in astonishment and gasped. "What did you do?" The magician did not respond, but packed his Dark Objects away into his special chest, smiled, and descended back to his cabin. The crew grumbled once more. Later that day, the Captain ventured to the cabin of the Dark Master, and knocked. "Come," came a voice. "I've been wondering what —" "Yes," said the magician. "They came, of course, for me. I am the only man who knows how to unlock the magic of the Philosopher's Stone. One of my brethren in the New World has discovered such a Stone — or so he thinks — and I am heading to help him create unlimited wealth for all humankind. What will the pirates do now that gold will be valueless? Ah! That is why they want to kill me," explained the magician. "They cannot comprehend the enormity, or the wonder, of this discovery. I'm afraid that we will have to part ways at this juncture." So the magician folded his hands, lowered his gaze, and vanished. The End.   James: I'm James, and I'm here with Andrew. These stories were recorded without advanced planning and then lightly edited for the discerning listeners. Join us next time for more totally made up tales. We set out one morning from Southampton. Three witches on the water, oh aye. Oh the three witches of the Isle of White, the three witches of White … Andrew: Who've all been … The White Witches. James: The White Witches. What'll they tell you then? They said that our journey would be long and arduous but successful. Oh that's not bad. Told us it would be full of fire and brimstone, and that we'd all die. Oh. That's more specific than they usually are. Yeah, yeah. We're going home now. Andrew: I thought the third witch was going to say both of them are lying or something like two of us are lying. James: Oh yes. It's… oh, gosh. Two of us are lying. Well she has to tell the truth then 'cause otherwise it's a logical thing isn't it? Andrew: Unless all three of them were lying. James: Or all … Yes. Or one of them was lying. Andrew: Her. James: Her. Or she was an inconsistent narrator. Which would be a bigger problem.

In episode 6, we finish the story of the Rosewood Unicorn, along with meeting Theresa who runs a comforting bookshop, and seeing what happens when the Dean Drops In. Music: Creepy – Bensound.com.   James: Here are some totally made-up tales brought to you by the magic of the internet.     We start with the Dean Drops In.   Andrew: The head librarian looked up from her desk at the sound of a knock of the door of her wood panelled office.   James: Perhaps, she thought, it was her assistant with the soup for lunch. But, no, standing in the doorway was the Dean of the University.   Andrew: "May, I come in?" he said in his patrician drawl that he had spent years perfecting.   James: "Of course, Dean," she said drawing a chair for him on the other side of her immense desk.   Andrew: "I wondered if I might speak to you about the little subject of books?" He said.   James: "Ah, yes, books," said the head librarian, "they are indeed in my remit."   Andrew: "Yes," he said, "I was wondering if that is really the most efficient way for us to work? Do you think we might re-visit the whole topic?"   James: The head librarian thought for a moment. This was a familiar pattern with the Dean, walking in and sparring with members of his faculty, threatening to take away certain responsibilities or authority. But this, she felt, was going further.   Andrew: Books had always been at the heart of University life and at the heart life and at the heart of learning and culture and damn if she was going to lose them.   James: Although the library contained a large number of things that were not by any stretch of the imagination books, she felt that reducing herself to only looking after those would inevitably see the library become part of some other faculty, such as languages or perhaps the modern hearts.   Andrew: She turned over in her mind the best way to conquer this threat to her domain. What could she do?   James: Smiling gently at the Dean, she walked around the large desk flicking open a small drawer as she went and withdrawing a jewel-encrusted dagger.   Andrew: This she delicately plunged into his back behind the middle of the rib cage, up into his heart and withdrew it wiping it on her handkerchief.   James: "Chelsea," she called for her assistant, "file this under D for dead things."     And now: Part II of the Rosewood Unicorn.   Andrew: The day dawned bright and fair. There was not a cloud in the sky. It was the 17th birthday of the Princess Caroline.   James: She rose early and was dressed in the most sumptuous clothes by her maids and prepared for the full day of celebration before her.   Andrew: In the morning she toured around the capital city meeting, greeting, receiving birthday wishes from the loyal subjects of the king among whom she was so popular.   James: At lunch there was a great banquet with many of the princes from surrounding kingdoms vying for her hand in marriage, not knowing, for the king had never disclosed to anyone the deal he had made with the Man in Black.   Andrew: The afternoon she had for recreation, for it was her birthday after all. She went for a pleasant walk in the gardens and played a game of tennis.   James: And just before the evening meal, as she had for so many years, she played briefly with the unicorn toy that she had been given so many years ago. Although it was no longer alive, she still loved it with a strange passion from her past.   Andrew: After a busy day, her birthday ended with a simple meal for the most immediate members of the royal family in their private dining room. They had a delicious, but not extravagant meal, and had come to the end of it.   James: There was a knock at the door to the royal suit.   Andrew: "Who could that be?" said the Queen. "This is a very late hour for us to be interrupted by an urgent message or an embassy from a foreign power."   James: The King signalled to one of the servants to open the door and inquire who it was at this late hour.   Andrew: The double doors were flung open and framed in silhouette against the flickering candlelight from the corridor behind, was the Man in Black.   James: "I have come," he said, "as we agreed."   Andrew: Well, there ensued a rather complicated conversation. The King had a great deal of explaining to do. The Queen was unhappy. Princess Caroline was unhappy. Tears were shed, voices were raised, but the Man in Black was implacable and the King was a man of his word. There was no way around it other than Princess Caroline should immediately pack her things and leave.   James: Tearfully she looked around her rooms deciding what she would take with her. There was no need, perhaps, for many of the things that she normally liked to wear or many of the books that she usually read from. She packed a small bag, taking with her only a couple changes of clothing and the unicorn.   Andrew: The Man in Black had a fine black horse, strong and sturdy waiting in the courtyard, steam rising from his nostrils as it stamped its hooves and shook its head. "Climb aboard," he said.   James: She swing herself up behind him. The bag pressed between the two of them. Almost as a wall between her and, as she thought of him, her captor.   Andrew: They rode through the night. Across lands that the princess had never seen before and had barely known existed. Across forests and fields, mountains, valleys, they forded rivers, until at length they came to the far off land where the Man in Black ruled.   James: A dark, sinister castle thrust itself out of the naked rock. Towers twisting towards the sky. Around it a dark and menacing forest stretched as far as the eyes could see. As the Man rode his horse, Caroline behind him, down the single, narrow path through the forest, she, tired from their journey, gradually slipped off to sleep.   Andrew: The next day, the princes awoke. At first, she was aware of being in a comfortable bed so familiar to the one that she had slept in for many years. But soon she realised that, no, she was not in the bed chamber that she had grown up in, but she was in a different castle in a different land starting a new life.   James: She crept out of her bedroom and started to explore around the castle very soon finding the main hall where the Man in Black was taking breakfast.   Andrew: "Ha-ha, my dear, you are awake," he said with great charm and courtesy. "We'll you join me for breakfast? I have all the goods that one could possibly want to eat."   James: As he spoke, she realised that she was hungry and sat down to eat some of the most delicious fruits and meats that she had ever tasted.   Andrew: The spread was vast and she ate her fill and was sitting in quiet contentment when her husband spoke.   James: "Now you have come to live here you will, of course, have all of the benefits of my country. The best food, the most delicious wine, the most compliant servants; however, I do regret that you will never be able to go back and see your family again. That is just the way that these things work, I'm afraid."   Andrew: The princess was heartbroken. She said nothing and left the table and returned to her room, tears brimming in her eyes.   James: She threw herself down upon the bed attempting to smother her tears in the pillow. Before long she felt a touch on her arm. She started, looking down her arm she noticed the unicorn and it tossed its head.   Andrew: "What on earth," she exclaimed looking down at the toy from her childhood. "But all those years ago you, surely you, I remember ..."   James: It nudged her with its horn gently and then cantered up to her face.   Andrew: "Oh, you've come back to me just at the moment which I needed a friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you," she said, kissing it on its back.   James: That night Caroline waited until she was certain that all in the castle were asleep before taking the unicorn in her pocket and creeping down to the great hall.   Andrew: There, she gathered up the things that she would need for a long journey and made her way outside through the kitchens.   James: The circle of the trees of the dark forest surrounded the castle and she could not see the path. So thinking that any direction was as good as any other, she picked one and started walking.   Andrew: The forest at night was strange and eerie but she was a confident young woman and with her trusty unicorn and her provisions, she strolled ahead without fear.   James: She walked through the night and as the first hints of dawn started to be visible through the dark trees, she finally came across a clearing and in the centre of the clearing was the castle.   Andrew: She was bitterly disappointed. "Oh, I must have taken a wrong turning somewhere or followed a path that came around. What a foolish mistake to make." But she realised that it would be futile to try and leave again during the daytime when she could be seen by everyone in the castle and she returned to the great hall for breakfast.   James: The following night she tried again. Once more as dawn started to creep across the land, she found herself back at the castle.   Andrew: She made several attempts over the following nights to escape. Each time taking a different path, recording the path that she had gone down by making a mark on the barks of the trees, but each time it brought her back to the castle at daybreak. Then while sitting down to breakfast the Man in Black addressed her.   James: "I told you, but you did not believe me. There is no way that you can leave this place and see your family again."   Andrew: "And indeed why would you want to? Here you will have a life of complete contentment. We have a peaceful land where we are unchallenged in our rule. You will have a life of ease and joy. You should accustom yourself to it and not seek to escape."   James: Caroline ran from the table up to her room and threw herself down on the bed in despair.   Andrew: "Oh, what shall I do?" she said to the unicorn as they played together. "What shall I do? It is comfortable here and life could be easy and it is impossible to escape, but I oh I miss my family so. What shall I do?"   James: That night she did not try to escape and as she lay sleeping the unicorn thought.   Andrew: The unicorn was a sensitive beast and hated to see the mistress who it loved in so much pain and discomfort. "How can I help?" it thought. "How can I help her to escape?"   James: The unicorn understood the magic that controlled the forest and the routes through it. The unicorn made of rosewood from the great tree that stood at the centre of the forest, was well aware of exactly how the Man in Black's magic constrained the Princes Caroline. The unicorn knew that this particular spell was powerful and woven through the very fabric of the castle and the forest itself and that only one thing could cause it to fail.   Andrew: The unicorn, a magical animal, understood the ways of the occult and knew that the only way to break the spell and to transport the princess back to her childhood home where she so longed to go, was to burn a part of the magical forest that formed that the impenetrable boundary around the castle along with an item from the desired destination of the traveler. The unicorn rooted around through the possessions that the princess had brought with her from her home and found one of the scarves that had been given to her in her childhood.   James: Now all of the unicorn had to do was to burn this with part of the rosewood heart of the forest. But now the Princess Caroline never went outside. She always wanted to stay within her room and play and the unicorn could not deny her that.   Andrew: Although it bided its time hoping for an opportunity to be taken outside so that it could collect something from the forest, the days turned into weeks, the weeks turned into months and the princess was beginning to waste away with sadness and despair.   James: Seeing her condition, the unicorn knew that it could not wait and that its chance to get outside into the forest might never appear. It took the scarf, wrapped it around itself and when the princess was not looking, cantered into the fireplace where it burned completely.   Andrew: The day dawned bright and fair. There was not a cloud in the sky. It was the seventh birthday of the Princess Caroline.   James: She woke excited for the day's festivities ahead and as she always did, she started her day by playing with the delicate and beautiful swan that she had been given for Christmas. Made by the finest toy maker in the land.   Andrew: The door of her bedroom opened and her kindly aunt and uncle beamed down on her. "Come my child, let us have a celebratory breakfast on this your special day. A happy birthday to our beloved child and the most special girl in all the land."   Alternating: Theresa was a pleasant lady who ran the bookshop in town. Every time she wanted a breath of fresh air, she would walk outside into the square and sit on a stone bench beside the fountain. One day while perambulating, she encountered a small boy who was without his parents. He looked lost and sad. "Are you okay?" she asked. "No," he said, "I've lost my mummy." Theresa took him by the hand and went inside the bookshop. She picked him a book to read and made some tea. As he read to himself, she patted him on the head. He sighed contentedly. "I'm not scared any more."   James: I've been James and I'm here with Andrew. These stories were recorded without advanced planning and lightly edited for the discerning listener. Join us next time for more totally made up tales.  

Our fourth episode of Totally Made Up Tales, with more tales of wonder and mystery. Spread the word! Tell a friend!   Music: Creepy – Bensound.com.   Andrew: Here are some totally made up tales. Brought to you by the magic of the internet.   James: One   Andrew: Day   James: Elise   Andrew: Held   James: Her   Andrew: Boyfriend   James: Tightly   Andrew: And   James: Whispered   Andrew: That   James: She   Andrew: Was   James: Pregnant.   Andrew: He   James: Was   Andrew: Surprised   James: But   Andrew: Delighted.   James: Together   Andrew: They   James: Planned   Andrew: For   James: A   Andrew: Home   James: That   Andrew: Would   James: Welcome   Andrew: A   James: New   Andrew: Life.   James: Painting   Andrew: The   James: Nursery   Andrew: In   James: Bright   Andrew: Green   James: With   Andrew: Some   James: Dinosaurs   Andrew: On   James: The   Andrew: Walls.   James: Building   Andrew: A   James: Crib   Andrew: Out   James: Of   Andrew: Ikea   James: And   Andrew: Reading   James: To   Andrew: Each   James: Other   Andrew: The   James: Day   Andrew: Of   James: Delivery   Andrew: Arrived   James: And   Andrew: They   James: Took   Andrew: Elise   James: To   Andrew: The   James: Hospital,   Andrew: Where   James: She   Andrew: Gave   James: Birth   Andrew: To   James: A   Andrew: Healthy   James: Baby   Andrew: Dinosaur   James: The   Andrew: End.   James: This is the story of the Gamekeeper's Family.   Once upon a time, not so very long ago, there lived a couple in a wood.   Andrew: The husband was a gamekeeper at the local estate.   James: His wife was a housekeeper for the same.   Andrew: They had lived in their little cottage very happily for the last fifteen years.   James: But ... they longed for a child.   Andrew: They had tried many things, been to doctors, healers and priests but without success.   James: They had traveled the world looking for witches that might be able to cure their barrenness, but all in vain.   Andrew: After many years of searching and hoping, they had resigned themselves to their situation and were content to mind the children of their neighbours and fellow workers.   James: But one day, as the gamekeeper walked home through the forest paths, he came across a basket.   Andrew: Attached to the basket was a note, read, “please take care of me” and inside wrapped up in blankets there was a tiny baby.   James: He rushed home to his wife to show her what he had found.   Andrew: They spent a long time discussing whether or not it would be right for them to keep this child. Who had left it there and why?   James: Eventually, they chose to consult the local vicar who assured them that with all of their experience helping to look after their neighbours' children and given that almost everyone else in the village already had children of their own, the right thing would be for them to keep it and raise it as their own.   Andrew: This they did, with great success and a fine healthy young man was the product of their labours.   James: They had named him Benjamin, after the wife's father and as Benjamin grew in stature, he also grew in the love given to him, not only by them but by others in the village. For everyone enjoyed his outgoing and pleasant company.   Andrew: As the years passed the time came for him to take over his father's job as gamekeeper on the estate and this he did.   James: He had spent his childhood growing up amongst the forest and knew how to look for the different types of woodland animal and also how to protect them. How best to defend them from poachers and so forth. And so, continuing the charm of his childhood as he started his job, he proved to be more than adept as a gamekeeper and was rapidly promoted until he became head gamekeeper.   Andrew: After many years, his parents passed away in a peaceful old age and he moved back to the cottage where he had grown up.   James: By this time, he was himself, married, although as with his parents, he and his wife Amelia, had not been able to have a child.   Andrew: One day, while out walking in the estate, completing his rounds and jobs, Benjamin too came across a basket with a note attached.   James: The note, as the note on his own basket, said “please take care of me” and inside was a tiny child that he took home to Amelia and which as with his parents before him, they decided it was right to adopt.   Andrew: Now, the listener will not know that Benjamin's parents had not chosen to share with him the story of how they had found him in a cradle in the woods. And so, it did not occur to him that there was anything unusual about this coincidence.   James: As Benjamin and Amelia's daughter, Susanna, grew, she also, much like Benjamin was much loved around the village and when it came time for her to start working, she took over Amelia's job as housekeeper, as Amelia had taken over the job of Benjamin's mother before her.   Andrew: And so it was that this story played out from generation to generation. Susanna had a son named Robert. Robert had a daughter named Barbara. Barbara had a son named Tom.   James: And always, down through the generations, the same jobs were passed from father to daughter, from daughter to son, across the generations, gamekeeper and housekeeper both.   Andrew: But why? Why was it that these popular, lovable, outgoing people were never able to have children of their own? And where was it that the mysterious foundlings were coming from?   James: For that, dear listener, we must go back to the first gamekeeper and housekeeper, Benjamin's parents, and see their story from another angle.   Andrew: Once upon a time there was a magical forest where there dwelled many sprites and pixies.   James: Chief among them was a fairy who had lived for many hundreds of years, spending her time looking after the non-magical creatures of the kingdom.   Andrew: Now, many fairies have an ambiguous and complicated relationship with human beings, seeing them somewhat like a tree sees a fungus growing on its bark.   James: At times, the fairy would help humans through stumbling difficulties in their lives, but at other times she would punish them for what she saw as a transgression against the magical forest.   Andrew: She was, to our eyes, capricious in her whims. Sometimes kind, sometimes cruel.   James: One day, the gamekeeper, while walking home through the forest spied a rogue pheasant which had somehow escaped from, as he thought, the forest that he managed.   Andrew: What appeared to be a pheasant to his eyes, was in fact the fairy, wandering through her domain.   James: He carefully set a trap and as she did not consider him a threat, she walked right into it and was quickly bound and trussed with him carrying her home towards the pot.   Andrew: He was not by nature a sentimental person, having spent his life working with the wild animals of the forest. But, there was something about the way this bird fixed him with a seemingly knowing stare as he set it down on the kitchen table that made him think twice about instantly wringing its neck.   James: In the moment that he hesitated, the fairy, as fairies sometimes do, cast a spell, not only for her to be released and free but also so that he would forget having ever encountered her. And, as fairies are also sometimes wont to do, she cursed him at that moment, annoyed and upset that she had ignominiously been bound and walked over the forest. She cursed him that he should never have a child to love him.   Andrew: Sometime later, the fairy observed his wife walking through the forest and weeping and lamenting her lack of children.   James: Unaware that this woman was in any way related to the gamekeeper she had previously cursed, she cast a beneficial spell over the housekeeper that she would have a child that she so clearly desired.   Andrew: The child of course, was easy to provide for fairy folk often have children which they need to be raised in the human world.   James: And no one ever questioned from Benjamin through Susanna, through Robert, through Barbara, through Tom, why, when their feet touched the ground in the forest, flowers grew in their footsteps.   Andrew: And from generation to generation, they continued to live, in the small charming cottage in the middle of the wonderful magical wood.   James: Sally   Andrew: Held   James: Her   Andrew: Handbag   James: Defensively   Andrew: When   James: The   Andrew: Mugger   James: Threatened   Andrew: Her   James: With   Andrew: A   James: Knife.   Andrew: She   James: Balanced   Andrew: On   James: The   Andrew: Balls   James: Of   Andrew: Her   James: Feet   Andrew: And   James: Lashed   Andrew: Out   James: With   Andrew: Her   James: Handbag   Andrew: Knocking   James: Him   Andrew: Over   James: And   Andrew: Giving   James: Her   Andrew: The   James: Chance   Andrew: To   James: Escape.   Andrew: She   James: Reported   Andrew: The   James: Incident   Andrew: To   James: The   Andrew: Police   James: Who   Andrew: Promptly   James: Ignored   Andrew: Her   James: And   Andrew: Carried   James: On   Andrew: Filling   James: In   Andrew: Paperwork.   James: The   Andrew: End.   James: Our next story is Jeremy's Place.   One   Andrew: Day   James: Jeremy   Andrew: Was   James: Walking   Andrew: Along   James: The   Andrew: High   James: Street   Andrew: When   James: He   Andrew: Noticed   James: That   Andrew: The   James: Shops   Andrew: Were   James: All   Andrew: Closed.   James: In   Andrew: Normal   James: Times   Andrew: They   James: Would   Andrew: Be   James: Open   Andrew: On   James: Fridays   Andrew: But   James: Today   Andrew: They   James: Were   Andrew: Not   James: “Hmmm?”   Andrew: He   James: Thought   Andrew: “Is   James: There   Andrew: A   James: Special   Andrew: Occasion?   James: Perhaps   Andrew: It's   James: Remembrance   Andrew: Day?   James: But   Andrew: That   James: Is   Andrew: Always   James: On   Andrew: A   James: Sunday.”   Andrew: So   James: He   Andrew: Knocked   James: On   Andrew: The   James: Door   Andrew: Of   James: The   Andrew: Post   James: Office   Andrew: And   James: Waited   Andrew: For   James: Someone   Andrew: To   James: Open   Andrew: It.   James: Waited   Andrew: And   James: Waited   Andrew: Then   James: Waited   Andrew: Some   James: More.   Andrew: He   James: Gave   Andrew: The   James: Putative   Andrew: Post-mistress   James: Half   Andrew: An   James: Hour   Andrew: And   James: She   Andrew: Didn't   James: Appear.   Andrew: So   James: He   Andrew: Pushed   James: And   Andrew: The   James: Door   Andrew: Opened.   James: “Funny,”   Andrew: He   James: Thought   Andrew: And   James: Stepped   Andrew: Inside.   James: Inside   Andrew: There   James: Was   Andrew: No   James: Light.   Andrew: In   James: The   Andrew: Space   James: Reserved   Andrew: For   James: Packages,   Andrew: There   James: Was   Andrew: A   James: Small   Andrew: Dog.   James: “Strange,”   Andrew: He   James: Thought,   Andrew: And   James: Approached.   Andrew: The   James: Dog   Andrew: Looked   James: At   Andrew: Him   James: And   Andrew: Opened   James: His   Andrew: Mouth.   James: “Why   Andrew: Are   James: You   Andrew: Here?”   James: Asked   Andrew: The   James: Dog   Andrew: “I   James: Want   Andrew: To   James: Know   Andrew: What's   James: Going   Andrew: On?”   James: Said   Andrew: Jeremy.   James: “This   Andrew: Is   James: Not   Andrew: A   James: Place   Andrew: For   James: You.”   Andrew: Said   James: The   Andrew: Dog   James: “Where   Andrew: Am   James: I?”   Andrew: “You   James: Are   Andrew: In   James: The   Andrew: Seventh   James: Kingdom.”   Andrew: Jeremy   James: Backed   Andrew: Away   James: From   Andrew: The   James: Dog   Andrew: And   James: Fled.   Andrew: Once   James: Outside   Andrew: He   James: Started   Andrew: To   James: Calm   Andrew: Down   James: Again.   Andrew: He   James: Convinced   Andrew: Himself   James: That   Andrew: Nothing   James: Strange   Andrew: Had   James: Happened   Andrew: To   James: Him   Andrew: And   James: Proceeded   Andrew: To   James: Walk   Andrew: Down   James: The   Andrew: High   James: Street   Andrew: And   James: Knocked   Andrew: On   James: The   Andrew: Door   James: Of   Andrew: The   James: Butchers.   Andrew: Again   James: There   Andrew: Was   James: No   Andrew: Reply   James: So   Andrew: He   James: Pushed   Andrew: The   James: Door   Andrew: Open   James: And   Andrew: Stepped   James: Inside.   Andrew: Within,   James: There   Andrew: Was   James: No   Andrew: Light.   James: In   Andrew: The   James: Area   Andrew: Where   James: Meat   Andrew: Would   James: Be   Andrew: Chilled   James: There   Andrew: Was   James: Another   Andrew: Dog.   James: “What   Andrew: Are   James: You   Andrew: Doing   James: Here?”   Andrew: Said   James: The   Andrew: Dog.   James: “I'm   Andrew: Just…”   James: “No!”   Andrew: Said   James: The   Andrew: Dog.   James: “This   Andrew: Is   James: Not   Andrew: A   James: Place   Andrew: For   James: You!”   Andrew: Jeremy   James: Looked   Andrew: Confused.   James: “Where   Andrew: Am   James: I?”   Andrew: “Go!   James: This   Andrew: Is   James: The   Andrew: Kingdom.   James: You   Andrew: Must   James: Leave.”   Andrew: Jeremy   James: Backed   Andrew: Away   James: From   Andrew: The   James: Dog   Andrew: Into   James: The   Andrew: Doorway,   James: And   Andrew: Stepped   James: Back   Andrew: Onto   James: The   Andrew: High   James: Street.   Andrew: Now   James: He   Andrew: Was   James: Having   Andrew: Second   James: Thoughts   Andrew: About   James: The   Andrew: Shopping   James: Trip   Andrew: That   James: He   Andrew: Had   James: Planned   Andrew: And   James: Walked   Andrew: Back   James: Towards   Andrew: Home.   James: Passing   Andrew: The   James: Police   Andrew: Station,   James: He   Andrew: Went   James: To   Andrew: The   James: Door   Andrew: And   James: Knocked.   Andrew: The   James: Door   Andrew: Was   James: Not   Andrew: Locked,   James: And   Andrew: So   James: He   Andrew: Went   James: Inside.   Andrew: Within,   James: There   Andrew: Was   James: No   Andrew: Light.   James: In   Andrew: The   James: Cells   Andrew: Where   James: Prisoners   Andrew: Usually   James: Resided,   Andrew: There   James: Was   Andrew: A   James: Third   Andrew: Dog.   James: “Seriously!”   Andrew: Said   James: The   Andrew: Dog.   James: “What   Andrew: Are   James: You   Andrew: Doing   James: Here?”   Andrew: Jeremy   James: Panicked   Andrew: And   James: Ran   Andrew: At   James: The   Andrew: Dog.   James: “Give   Andrew: Me   James: Back   Andrew: My   James: Place!”   Andrew: He   James: Exclaimed.   Andrew: The   James: Dog   Andrew: Jumped   James: Sideways   Andrew: And   James: Avoided   Andrew: Jeremy's   James: Grasping,   Andrew: And   James: Replied,   Andrew: “This   James: Is   Andrew: Your   James: Place   Andrew: Here.”   James: Slamming   Andrew: The   James: Cell   Andrew: Door   James: Shut,   Andrew: Jeremy   James: Collapsed   Andrew: Into   James: The   Andrew: Corner   James: And   Andrew: Slept.   James: The   Andrew: Next   James: Day   Andrew: He   James: Awoke   Andrew: In   James: The   Andrew: Cell   James: To   Andrew: Discover   James: Three   Andrew: Policemen   James: Looking   Andrew: At   James: Him   Andrew: In   James: Confusion.   Andrew: “What's   James: All   Andrew: This   James: Then?”   Andrew: They   James: Said   Andrew: In   James: Unison.   Andrew: Jeremy   James: Stumbled   Andrew: Out   James: Into   Andrew: The   James: Open   Andrew: Air   James: And   Andrew: Saw   James: That   Andrew: Things   James: Were   Andrew: Back   James: To   Andrew: Normal.   James: The   Andrew: Post   James: Office   Andrew: Was   James: Open,   Andrew: The   James: Butchers   Andrew: Had   James: Customers,   Andrew: The   James: High   Andrew: Street   James: Was   Andrew: Bustling.   James: “What   Andrew: Happened   James: Yesterday?”   Andrew: He   James: Thought   Andrew: As   James: He   Andrew: Opened   James: His   Andrew: Front   James: Door.   Andrew: “I   James: Swore   Andrew: I…”   James: And   Andrew: In   James: Front   Andrew: Of   James: Him   Andrew: Were   James: Three   Andrew: Dogs.   James: The   Andrew: End.       James: Peter   Andrew: Liked   James: Jam   Andrew: And   James: Toast.   Andrew: He   James: Regularly   Andrew: Ate   James: Ten   Andrew: Slices   James: Of   Andrew: Them   James: For   Andrew: Breakfast.   James: His   Andrew: Constitution   James: Was   Andrew: As   James: Solid   Andrew: As   James: A   Andrew: House.   James: One   Andrew: Day   James: He   Andrew: Ran   James: Out   Andrew: Of   James: Jam   Andrew: And   James: Had   Andrew: To   James: Use   Andrew: Marmite   James: Instead.   Andrew: This   James: Gummed   Andrew: His   James: Works   Andrew: Up   James: And   Andrew: He   James: Slowly   Andrew: Died.   James: The   Andrew: End.   I've been Andrew, and I'm here with James. These stories were recorded without advanced planning and then lightly edited for the discerning listener. Join us next time for more totally made-up tales ...    

Welcome to the third episode of Totally Made Up Tales, an experiment in improvised storytelling in the digital age. We hope you enjoy our tales of wonder and mystery. Let us know what you think! Music: Creepy – Bensound.com.   James: Here are some totally made up tales brought to you by the magic of the internet. Andrew / James (alternating words): Modern life is tricksy. It twists and turns when you least expect it. If you discover that you're gay, what do you do? In olden times, you would have been sent to Los Angeles.   These days, gays are everywhere and many have to deal with that. Why can't you be gay? Why is gay such a challenging thing for so many people who are or are not gay? Let's find out by looking at a gay story together from history.   Julius Caesar was a Roman gay. He would rise in the morning and sleep with many other prominent Roman people in the afternoon. Before lunch, he governed. After lunch, he made love like the hero he was. Men, women, whatever. Basically, he was everything.   This confused many of his contemporaries who chose to be in monogamous relationships with people either of the opposite sex or the same. Julius lived broader and loved broader. When he left politics, he died and was honoured with no fewer than five thousand state banquets, each remembering a different lover. The end. James: Now, The Well Endowed Witch.   Andrew / James (alternating words): A witch who was well endowed in the chest went to market and sold her potions to a young couple who wanted a child. "Simply sprinkle this over your wedding bed and your child will be born beautiful, intelligent, and strong."   The couple raced home, sprinkled the potion, and went at it like bunnies. Nine months later, out of the blue, the witch appeared at their door.   "Hello dearies," she said. "There is one more thing I should tell you. Your child will be beautiful, intelligent, and strong, but will live with you for 18 years of joy and happiness, and then you both will die suddenly at his hands."   The two looked at each other in horror and asked, "What can we possibly do?" "Well," said the witch, "there is another potion I can administer now, before the child is born which will prevent it from growing into this assassin."   "What is the cost?" the woman asked.   "Ahh, that is unusual. Alas, mere money will not suffice for this potion. This requires a child. Your child."   The parents huddled and attempted to decide, debating the two impossible options. At length they turned to the witch and asked, "Will you look kindly after our son when you take him from us?"   "Of course," said the witch.   Many years later, the witch was happy with the strapping handsome man who adored her as his mother and often reflected on her good fortune. Meanwhile, the couple had had another child who had grown into a plain but cunning and fleet young woman. She would often wander around the fields and forests surrounding the village, thinking and taking time to herself. Her parents never worried because she was so cunning. Dependably reliable, she would come home with new ideas and flowers.   One day, while wandering across the beautiful meadows, she chanced upon a young man who was sitting by a stream, and they got talking.   "Hello," said the young man.   "Hello," she replied.   The conversation petered out into long, not too awkward pauses and significant gazes. Comfortable in their presence, they strolled though the meadows, and at length, fell in love. They parted and the girl returned to her home, while the boy went through the forest to the witch's house.   Upon hearing him return, the witch poked her head out of the window and said, "Where have you been?"   "I have been strolling through the fields with my sweetheart," he said.   "No," said the witch. "You have no sweetheart. You cannot have a sweetheart, you must not."   Chastened, the boy did his chores and went to sleep. He did as he was told because he had huge respect and loyalty to his adoptive mother. He never returned to the same meadows and wandered lonely through the forest.   One day, the path took him towards an open clearing in the forest. Lying in the patch of sunlight, there was the girl. "I must not talk to her," he thought, "but my heart tells me that I must."   While he was debating, she looked straight at him and leapt to her feet. "I have found you!" she cried. "I've looked all over the forests, and yet only now have I found you again." She embraced him and kissed him, and he felt the profound yearning for her and forgot his mother's words.   When he returned home that evening, the witch once more asked him what he had been doing. He knew that he must tell her, but he also dreaded to disappoint her. "You've been with her again," she said, using magic to read his mind.   "I love her," he said.   "No! You love only me!" said the witch, and locked him in his room.   The witch stormed from the hut and ran through the forest. She cursed the girl and screamed at the heavens, summoning thunder and rain. Meanwhile, in the village, at the home of the couple, the young girl felt a quiver go through her. Soon, she heard the thunder and saw the lightning and felt deep within her that this was somehow a sign. Her lover must be in danger, and she was going to save him.   Knowing her parents would not allow her out after dark, she crept out her window, wrapped herself in a heavy cloak, and set off into the heart of the forest. Dark, dripping with rain, sinister shadows from the bolts of lightning flickering all around her. She returned to the spot where they had met that day and looked for any tracks or indication of where he had been.   Spying a footprint on the ground, she followed the trail into the forest. A flash of lightning illuminated the crooked cottage suddenly in front of her. She peered in through the window and saw the witch rocking back and forth in her chair by candlelight and mixing a potion in a bowl. Creeping round the house, she spied another, smaller window with a flickering candle on the ledge. Looking around, she saw a tree and climbed up it swiftly to spy through the glass. She saw little, but could make out a figure lying on a bed of straw. She tapped lightly on the window and he stirred. Padding over to the window, he reached up to open it and looked up at her.   "What are you doing here?" he asked.   "I've come to rescue you," she replied.   "How did you know?"   "Never mind that. Here," she reached out to him. "Give me your hand. I'll pull you onto this branch." So he did, and they did, and climbing down the tree, she whispered, "I love you."   Landing softly at the bottom of the tree, she looked at her lover, who was ham-fistedly climbing down the tree, making a real racket.   "Sshh," she called urgently, causing him to fall, crashing down to the ground. The door of the cottage opened suddenly, the witch silhouetted against the light within.   "Whaattt?"   "Run!" said the girl, and away they ran. The boy, the girl, and the witch behind.   Coming upon the clearing, the boy had to catch his breath. They stopped and the witch was about to reach them when a bolt of lightning slashed straight into the witch's head, frying her. The boy cried and collapsed onto the floor, sobbing.   "Come," said the young girl. "We must get home."   Her parents were shocked that she had been out in the storm, but recognized her courage and forgave her, welcoming the young man into the family, not knowing who he was. James: I've been James, and I'm here with Andrew. These stories were recorded without advance planning, and lightly edited for the discerning listener. Join us next time for more totally made up tales.  

Welcome to the second episode of Totally Made Up Tales, an experiment in improvised storytelling in the digital age. We hope you enjoy our tales of wonder and mystery. Let us know what you think! Music: Creepy – Bensound.com.   James: Here are some Totally Made-Up Tales, brought to you by the magic of the internet.   This is the story of Dr. Rich. Andrew: Once upon a time, there was a doctor who specialized in curing diseases only of the very rich. Inevitably of course, they were in some way or other. James: He would travel round in his large, black car made specially for him by Mercedes-Benz himself, and visit them one by one, his rich clientele, ringing on the doorbell and asking, "Are you ill?" Andrew: In fact, one of the things that he had identified, and the reason why he himself was so successful, was that he realized that money did not in fact make you happy, but filled you with a deep sense of malaise. James: In fact, to put it simply, money made you ill. Andrew: His expertise was to remove money from the rich in order that they could feel better, and indeed many of his patients who were bankrupted by his bills went on to lead happy, fulfilled, virtuous lives. James: Even before they'd got to that state, merely at the point that he presented them with the bill for having cured their sniffle or subdued their pox, or whatever it is that he had been called upon to do today, they felt better, relieved, as if the air was flowing more freely through their lungs, as if the blood was moving more smoothly through their veins. Andrew: The problem was that over the course of his long and successful career, he himself became extremely wealthy, deeply unhappy, and died. James: There was no one who could minister to him in his last days. He was as ill as you could possibly get from money, and indeed was quite capable of diagnosing himself as dying of wealth, and yet, without having trained an apprentice or one to come after him, there was no one who could cure him. He died sad, despondent, very, very wealthy, but utterly ill.   Josephine Andrew: wanted James: children, Andrew: but James: her Andrew: husband James: was Andrew: emperor James: of Andrew: France. James: "Not Andrew: tonight," James: he Andrew: said James: repeatedly. Andrew: The James: end.   Keyhole Andrew: surgery James: is Andrew: performed James: using Andrew: keyholes, James: which Andrew: are James: available Andrew: from James: B&Q Andrew: and James: similar Andrew: retailers.   Judith James: went Andrew: to James: Cardiff Andrew: for James: her Andrew: sister's James: wedding. Andrew: It James: was Andrew: a James: beautiful Andrew: weekend James: full Andrew: of James: dancing, Andrew: sunshine, James: and Andrew: happy James: bridesmaids. Andrew: The James: bride Andrew: herself James: was Andrew: sick, James: and Andrew: vomited James: all Andrew: over James: the Andrew: vicar. James: The Andrew: end.   Victor James: went Andrew: to James: war Andrew: and James: fought Andrew: bravely James: time Andrew: and James: time Andrew: again. James: When Andrew: he James: returned, Andrew: he James: discovered Andrew: his James: country Andrew: had James: changed Andrew: and James: he Andrew: no James: longer Andrew: belonged. James: The Andrew: end. James: Now, Abigail the Mistress Milliner. Andrew: Abigail was a milliner, and made the finest hats in the kingdom. James: She was renowned from city to city. The aristocracy would always use Abigail's hats, or risk the disapproval of their peers. Andrew: She was totally dedicated to her craft. It was her life's work, and every fiber of her being, every drop of her blood was dedicated to the making of hats. James: Since she had passed from apprentice to journeyman to master hat maker, she had had one perfect master work in mind; the ultimate hat. Andrew: It was a hat that she knew once she had made it, there could be no better hat made by human hand until the end of time. James: She had resolved at the tender age of twenty-two to dedicate her life to creating the best hats she always could while always striving towards the perfect hat. Andrew: It was rumored that she kept in her safe at the back, behind the box in which she kept her money and other valuables, a small box in which she was working on a secret project. James: Many rumors were started about the project. Many rumors were started about the safe and about the other things that she had done to protect her most vital and important secrets. Andrew: Other milliners throughout the kingdom were jealous, suspicious, and met together one evening in the back room of a dusty tavern to discuss their suspicion. James: One of them, Brian the Hatter, was convinced that she had already created the ultimate hat, but was withholding it for fear that others would copy her work. Andrew: "There is only one way for us to find out, brothers and sisters," he said, "and that is, we must take possession of the box within the safe." James: So began the most delicate planning. Milliners around the country contriving a way to steal a box from within a sealed safe that even the most dedicated cat burglar would have had difficulty getting near. Andrew: "Let us hold a festival," they proposed. "Yes, let us hold some kind of celebration, some distraction, some occasion on which everybody's back will be turned." James: They worked their connections long and hard, and finally were able to persuade some lady of the court, and through her some gentleman of the court, and through him some knight of the court, and through him, some lady of the bedchamber, and ultimately to the king and queen themselves that there should be a grand banquet where all the greatest people of the land would come, and of course the desire for the best hats would be unrivaled throughout history. Andrew: So it was that in the following days and weeks as the banquet was made ready that there were queues around the block to every suit maker, every boot maker, and every hat maker in the kingdom as more and more finery was demanded so that everybody could appear at their very best at this once-in-a-lifetime feast to be given by the royal family. James: Of course, nowhere were the queues longer nor more densely packed than outside the shop of Abigail the Milliner. For many months, she serviced the next person who came through the door, measuring them, measuring their head, considering the weight of their brow and the movement of their lips and of their nose, and taking into account the other clothing that was being made for them. Day and night, she would work in the back, making hats from the measurements she had taken. Andrew: Each customer demanded a hat finer than the one that the customer before had received, and so it was that after a lifetime of training, even she was nearing the end of her store of creative energy as each masterpiece, slightly better than the one before, went out the door in its beautifully wrapped box. James: Meanwhile, Brian the Hatter and his cohorts were plotting how to get inside the safe. Andrew: "Would it be better for us to cut a hole in the wall and slide it out into a side street, or cut a hole in the floor and let it down into the vaults of the cellars or the sewers below?" James: "Perhaps we should cut through the top of the building and employ a crane or some small children with rope to haul it up high into the gables and from there escape across the rooftops of the city." Andrew: "May I make a suggestion?" Came a voice from the back of the room.   "Of course, go ahead brother. Tell us your suggestion."   "What we should use is the psychology of the artist." James: Well, they were all very impressed with this idea, even though most of them didn't really understand, and they voluntarily gave up control to the owner of the voice, Mr. Jim Blacklock. Andrew: "The true artist is only satisfied when his or her craft is applied as close to the standard of perfection as it is possible for human endeavor to reach. Each person has demanded a hat more superior than the one before. How many more hats can this woman make before she is forced to reveal the greatest hat of all time?" James: The hatters, from their conniving congregation, went out back into the land and plied their connections and persuaded the lords and ladies who had got early hats from Abigail the Milliner to go back for better ones now that there were better ones available to their peers. The line once more became long and winding throughout the city, and Abigail, working as hard as she ever had, wracked her brains for more ideas to top the last ones that she had put out. Andrew: Finally, when the line had dwindled to one person, and that person had been handed their finely-wrapped box and left and the door swung closed and the little bell rang and she was left alone, she knew that she was spent. She had no more hats available for her to make. It would be impossible for her to service another customer, and indeed there were no more customers. Everybody owned a hat of hers who had a head to wear a hat on. James: Just then, there was a knock at the door. Andrew: "Who could this be?" She thought to herself. "A customer who had left behind a pair of gloves, or wanted a duplicate invoice for tax purposes." James: She got out of her chair and felt her way across the dark shop front and opened the door. In front of her was the king. Andrew: "Your majesty." She said, and curtsied low, for she was a very correct lady. James: "Abigail," began the king. Andrew: "If your majesty has come in search of a hat, I'm afraid I must disappoint you, for I have no more hats left to make." James: "Come, come," said the king, for he was a kindly man, but also used to getting his own way. "Come, come, you would not disappoint your monarch." Andrew: "It would pain me to do so, sir, but I really do not see how I could supply a hat finer yet than any that I had supplied without ... " James: There Abigail stopped. Andrew: "Without ... ?" Said the king. James: "I should not have spoken." Said Abigail. Andrew: "Yet you did speak," said the king, "and now you must surely explain yourself." James: "The only way, your majesty, that I could hope to top the previous hats that I have made for all in the land and to satisfactorily clothe your royal head, would be to open the book that I have been keeping these last forty years as I have worked on perhaps an impossible dream of the perfect hat." Andrew: At this, the king's eyes lit up, for he was a man who liked the finest things, and the idea of owning the most perfect hat that had ever been made or could ever be made appealed very deeply to his regal heart. James: "I must have it." He said, and left. Andrew: Abigail wept, for she knew that the hour had come where either she must make the most perfect hat of all time, or she must leave this place that she called home, abandon her shop, her career, her profession, and begin a new life somewhere else, for no one had ever successfully denied the king his wish and lived. James: Uncertain of what her choice would be, she stole back to the back room and opened the safe, and within it moved past the money boxes and the certificates of birth and death and the other precious objects that were necessary for a satisfactory and legal life in this complicated time, and at the back pulled out a small tin which contained folded paper of her notes over the years. Andrew: She reviewed the scraps, shuffled them, paced, lit a fire, made tea, stoked the fire, paced, shuffled the papers, and so continued through the night, all the way through to the crow of the cockerel and the rising of the sun. James: She was still pacing when her young apprentice entered the shop in the morning, expecting to be up and at the business before she was. He was surprised, and did not attempt to hide it. Andrew: "Mistress Abigail, whatever is the matter? You seem troubled, agitated, as if you haven't slept." James: "I haven't!" She cried. "I can't sleep. I cannot sleep until I ... Until I at least try." Andrew: So it was that they embarked together on making sense of the diagrams that she had drawn, and little by little began to compose the finest hat that had ever been made. James: There was every conceivable material, Andrew: and yet somehow, even though it was composed of parts as diverse of silk and leather, it formed a beautifully coordinated whole in which every part was neither too much nor too little, but in perfect proportion and place. James: Spent, they sat on the floor and looked up at the perfect hat. The ultimate hat. The end, indeed, to millinery itself. Andrew: As to the rest of the story, well of course the king collected it and wore it and achieved universal admiration. The great feast was, exactly as it promised to be, huge, memorable, spectacular, once-in-a-lifetime experience, and Abigail was, as you would expect, done. Done with her career. There was no way that she could continue now. James: As for the other hat makers, well, walk down a high street in your town any day you like and try to find a milliner's shop. They're all gone now. All gone.   I've been James, and I'm here with Andrew. These stories were recorded without advanced planning and lightly edited for the discerning listener. Join us next time for more Totally Made-Up Tales. Andrew [outtake]: "Would it be better," they said, "if we cut a hole in the floor and let it down into the core of the earth?" No, no, that's a ludicrous idea. Sorry.

I think we have our answer as to who's the powerhouse player in Malakal. Tracy doesn't stand a chance against Cirie now. Can you believe Chet is finally gone? Did anyone else feel conflicted at the possibility that he might hang around just long enough to knock out Ozzy too? What did you think about Penner's exit from the game? What did you think of Jason's announcement upon returning from Exile Island? Was it a cover story or did he truly realize he has a fake? Which pair do you think will get voted out first: Tracy and Erik or Parvati and James? Here are the tribes after episode 6: New Airai: Alexis, Eliza, James, Jason, Kathleen, Natalie, and Parvati New Malakal: Amanda, Ami, Cirie, Erik, Ozzy, and Tracy Jo Ann thinks Tracy will be the next to go. Stacy agrees that it will be a fan but thinks that Kathy will find a way to join Chet ASAP. Who's your pick for the next one to get voted out? We look forward to hearing what you thought about this episode, and we've got several ways you can reach us. You can call and leave a voicemail at 206-350-JASS(5277). You can record an audio comment and attach it or just type up a quick text message and send it to us via email at joannandstacyshow@gmail.com. Lastly, there's a link for comments on the web page here. You can click that link and post your thoughts out there for everyone to see. The intro is dedicated to Chet. The outro is dedicated to Jonathan. Here's a link to the artists at the PodShow Music Network in case you want to learn more about them. I Quit by Todd Lerner Calm Surrender by Patrick Padley 00:01 Date 00:04 I Quit by Todd Lerner 01:23 Introductions 02:48 Episode Recap and Observations 35:19 Next Week on Survivor 41:56 JSFL Update 47:34 Calm Surrender by Patrick Padley Links for Today's Show JSFL Results Update for Survivor: Micronesia JSFL Rules for Survivor: Micronesia Listener Paul's Visual Roster for Survivor Micronesia Contact Info:Voicemail: 206-350-JASS(5277)Email: Enjoy, Jo Ann and Stacy