Podcasts about momoa

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 3Karen Embarks on a cure campaign.Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Karen sighed, "Might as well. Let's go kill the libido of an entire civilization, Holland."Holland took her arm and soon the cell where she was held disappeared and another space formed around them. Captain Hemsworth and several crew members from the ship stood nearby, as well as Ensign Holland who was still holding her arm, reassuringly. Looking around, Karen saw that they were in what appeared to be a sound-booth of sorts. One crewmember activated some equipment and moved one protruding tentacle closer to Karen's mouth and another toward Captain Hemsworth's."Are we ready, Ellis?" Captain Hemsworth asked, clearing his throat. Ellis nodded and stepped back from the tentacles. Hemsworth tapped the end of the tentacle and a booming noise reverberated around the room. He cleared his throat several more times and straightened his collar. "People of Priam! Your deliverance has come! You sent us forth among the stars to find the cure to the horrid addiction of filth that has infiltrated our minds and we have not failed you! We have dedicated our lives to this effort, foregone having families, and any comforts of home to bring you this salvation! Behold; The Karen!" he proclaimed, gesturing for Karen to speak."Um; hi?" Karen said, unsurely. Hemsworth glanced at Ellis who was reading some type of display. Ellis frowned and motioned for her to continue speaking. "Um; my name is Karen;""Hi Karen;” several crew members responded unanimously before Captain Hemsworth cut them off with a gesture."Um; I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say. I heard you're all having some troubles. I'm sorry. I know what that's like. I've had some troubles, too. I married the wrong person; someone who didn't really love me. I wasn't brave and I tried to avoid trouble too much. I had four kids, but they grew up seeing me treated badly, so they don't really see me as being worth much; if they don't need me to be a mom anymore, what good am I to them? I love them, but; I wish I had done more with my life. Now, I'm getting a divorce; and now that I'm in my 50's, I'm not young and beautiful anymore, so it's like I'm invisible to most people. My body hurts more than it used to; and I'm afraid most days. I don't know what's going to happen to me. Everything keeps changing and I don't know where I belong. I feel like I've failed all the time. But, they said that maybe I could help you, so; I hope I can help make things better for you. I'd like to see something good come out of all this," Karen said, wiping some tears off her cheeks. Holland stepped next to her and took her hand. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder."Ellis?" Hemsworth asked.Ellis looked up from the display, a disconcerted expression on his face. "I don't understand;” he murmured, leaning down and feverishly working on the equipment. "They're hearing it. I know they're hearing it;”"It's not working? She just spoke more than it took to knock out the entire bridge crew! What do you mean it's not working?" Hemsworth said, frustrated. Karen looked at Holland, who simply shrugged.Captain Hemsworth frowned with determination and motioned to Karen, "Speak again. Louder. Talk about the cobb salad! Men, brace yourselves!" he ordered."Cobb salad?" Karen repeated, surprised. "Oh, well, um; it's just yummy. It's got hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, bacon, and avocado on a bed of lettuce; chives and bleu cheese over the top is good, too. The nice thing is that all the ingredients are put into neat little rows across the lettuce, so you can choose exactly what you want in each bite! It's not just a big mess like other salads. You know, I could make you one ; do you guys have avocadoes?" she said enthusiastically, looking to Holland.Holland immediately began looking up something on his hand-held computer. "Av-o-ca-does; do they yield their young willingly, or do we need to;""What the hell is going on???" Captain Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland's ear and looking inside. "Holland! You're not wearing protection! Why aren't you unconscious on the floor?""Oh, um; they were kind of uncomfortable, and they made it hard to hear what she was remembering, and;""You Remembered With The Karen? What Is Wrong With You?" Hemsworth shouted, before calming himself. "Momoa, get some caffeline ready. I need to hear her again," he said, bracing himself as he pulled what looked like slugs out of his ears. "Speak again about the salad;”"Okay, uh; most like to eat it with a vinaigrette? I think that gets to be a bit too much if there's bleu cheese on top, though. Sometimes I'll get it with ranch or something creamy because then;""What the hell, Holland! What did you do to The Karen? I barely feel anything!" Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland by the uniform."Um; I don't know; we just talked and remembered; you know, she's really nice, if you get to;""Dammit, You've Broken The Karen, Holland! How Are We Supposed To;" Captain Hemsworth yelled until he was interrupted by a knock nearby.Lieutenant Ellis activated a control on his display and a hole formed in the wall of the room. An assembly of Priamites entered the room, as smoothly as if they were rolled in on a platform together. The crew of the Onan immediately fell prostrate on the floor before them. Karen, unwilling to lie face-down on a floor she hadn't cleaned herself, looked around uncomfortably and gave the assembly a small wave. One Priamite raised her hand to return the gesture but was quickly stopped by her neighbor."Welcome, crew of the Onan," one of the assembly said, followed by the rest of the assembly nodding agreeably. "We are most appreciative of all your; efforts. We realize that you have dedicated several of your lifetimes to freeing our civilization from the throes of pornographic addiction, and for your many sacrifices, we thank you," the speaker said, then glanced around uncomfortably at the others. "Most unexpectedly, ah; while the Eros Curse was most distressing to the initial generations, the subsequent generations acclimated to it rather quickly. Then, as fashions changed, the Eros Curse became more of a joke, really; dance mixes were made, memes;”"Excuse me?" Captain Hemsworth said, lifting his face from the floor."I mean, sure, the Eros Curse is still out there. It's just that it's just become something people live with. It doesn't take over our lives, but some indulge in it a little after the kids have gone to bed for the night. I mean, it's not really such a big deal. It adds a little spice to an otherwise boring life, you know?""Boring life?" Hemsworth repeated, rising to his feet. "Are you telling me that all of Priam just walks around, living life, thinking about; that?""Well, yes, but we are very grateful for all you and your crew have done for us. We express our thanks to all the crews of the ships we loaded up with uptight intellectuals that were determined to rid our civilization of; alternative thoughts. We have come here to present you and your crew with a commemorative plaque for all your;""Is this some kind of joke?" Hemsworth said, pacing around. "I've been trekking throughout the universe looking for a cure to your abhorrent lust-filled thoughts and now you just want to give me a plaque for a lifetime of sacrifice because you don't see a problem with your disgusting sticky existence?""Well, there's no need to kink-shame;” the assembly spokesperson muttered, "Honestly, you never wondered why they sent the most uptight assholes on the planet off on a vague 'mission' and never really asked for progress reports?""I don't believe this;” Hemsworth said, his eyes bulging, nostrils flaring. "We've sacrificed our lives for nothing???""Oh, I see where this is going;” Karen said to Holland, who seemed to be trying to assume a duck-and-cover position."How could you do this to us???" Hemsworth yelled."Use the diaphragm for projection, baby; you can do it;” Karen encouraged."I Want; To See; The Manager!" Captain Hemsworth yelled at the top of his lungs, causing a feedback loop to screech throughout the room. The last thing Karen saw before falling unconscious was the sight of every Priamite in the room projectile vomiting on each other. The stench was overwhelming.Karen's Humility.Karen lifted her face off the bathroom floor, overwhelmed by the stench. She brushed off a spare piece of toilet paper stuck to her face, as she tried to remember what had happened. Her lungs burned from what she slowly recognized as pepper spray. She gathered her purse and stumbled out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, and a bruise was swelling where her cheek hit the floor. She splashed some cold water on her face and wiped off the makeup that streaked in the process. This was Snookers; not Baker's Pie. She had just ripped a kid a new asshole for not having cobb salad on the menu. What was she doing with her life?Upon exiting the bathroom, she ran into Travis the Waiter, who looked like he had just splashed water on his face, too. Dread and unease filled his face upon seeing her before it was quickly masked into concern. "Oh, um; are you okay? Can I get you some ice for that?" he asked, looking at the bruise on her cheek."What? Oh, no, honey. I'm okay. I just fell," she said, before meeting his eyes and taking his hand in hers. "Travis, I'm so sorry about the way I treated you. That was awful, and I have no excuse. You didn't deserve that.""It's okay; it happens," Travis said, carefully."It shouldn't, though. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Would you mind if I just gave you some cash to cover the meal and snuck out of here? God knows what that group of biddies will gossip about when I go out there like this," Karen said, gesturing to herself."Yeah, that should be no problem," Travis said, taking the money she offered. "Are you sure you're okay?"Karen nodded, "I'm fine. I've just got some things to do. You've got a sweet heart, honey. Keep listening to it."Karen swallowed nervously as she went up the walkway to the small suburban house. She hadn't called before coming. It was rude of her not to call ahead of time, but then again, she was pretty sure that her number had been blocked. She didn't know if her oldest son had gone "no contact" or just "low contact" with her, but she was pretty sure her daughter-in-law would threaten to call the police within five minutes of her ringing the doorbell. Nevertheless, when she got up to the door, Karen put her finger forward and rang the bell."What do you want, Karen?" Hailey's terse voice came through the doorbell."Oh; you got one of those camera doorbell things; that's nice;” she began, unsure of how to say what was in her heart without a face in front of her."What do you want?" Hailey repeated."Um; I wanted to talk with you;""The last time you wanted to 'talk' with me, you just wanted to see my kids while you criticized my inadequate housekeeping, my inept child-rearing, and my unattractive post-pregnancy body. So, forgive me if I'd prefer not to have a heart-to-heart, Karen," Hailey interrupted."You're right," Karen said, looking at the dark circle holding the doorbell's camera. "I did that. I did that. I have not been kind to you. When Cal Jr. brought you home, I was not welcoming. I should have been; because you deserved that. You deserved it because you made my son happy. You have made him happier than I've ever known him to be; and that's what I've always wanted for him. If you were just like me, if you did all the things that I obnoxiously told you to do; he wouldn't be half as happy as he is with you; just as you are. If for no other reason than my son's happiness, you have my gratitude. I'm sorry that I've wasted the chances you've given me to know you better. You're brave and confident and funny. Honestly, I think you're the person I wished I could have been at your age. I'm sorry for a lot of things but being wasteful; saying thoughtless things that hardened people's hearts; those are the things that I wish I could take back the most. So, um;” Karen said, checking her notes on her phone's notepad to make sure she got all the points she wanted, "that's pretty much it. Oh, and I put that chocolate mousse recipe you liked on this index card so you can make it, but feel free to call me if you can't read my writing; or if you, you know, ever need anything."Karen nodded at the doorbell and started back down the walkway toward her car, blinking back tears. She had wasted so much time, so many chances. She didn't know if there was a point in trying again now, but she had to. She wasn't getting any younger.As she reached the end of the walkway, she was nearly knocked over by two little bodies running into her and grabbing onto her legs. Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she bent down to pick up her grandchildren, kissing them until they tried to wiggle away. As they started simultaneously telling her everything they had been doing while she was away, Karen's eyes drifted up to the doorway where her pierced and tattooed daughter-in-law stood. "Thank you" Karen mouthed silently over her grandchildren's backs.Karen pushed open the doors of Forest Glenn Hospice Care, her bag stuffed with an array of items and went up to the front desk. "Karen Weaver. I'm here for Dana Stevens," she said.The new girl at the reception desk looked at Karen with quiet unease. "Um; Ms. Stevens has requested only visitors who have;" Karen smirked and lifted the wig off her head, revealing her clean-shaven head. "Oh! Great! Go right in," she said, relieved.The corridor of the hospice facility was peaceful and quiet; exactly the kind of thing the old Dana would hate. Entering her room, Karen looked for any signs that other visitors had been to see Dana but saw nothing. Dana was napping again, her face drawn and gaunt, but thankfully not in pain. Karen put down her bag in a nearby chair and took out a rolled-up electronic piano keyboard and unfurled it on a table next to the hospital bed. As she was on her hands and knees trying to find an outlet to use, she heard Dana clear her throat. "What the hell is that?" she asked, smirking as she nodded at the keyboard."Your afternoon's entertainment. I ordered it on Amazon; you should have seen the bitchy reviews. Reminded me of you. Mind you, I haven't played since Cal got rid of the piano when it didn't fit in the Brooklyn apartment, so you're in for a treat," Karen said, rubbing her hands together and moving her glasses on top of her head so she could see the keyboard controls."Calvin Carmichael in a Brooklyn apartment. My god. What was it that emptied the Carmichael family coffers after they stole you away from me, again?" Dana asked, her sunken eyes taking in every detail of Karen's face as she hovered over the keyboard."Bernie Madoff; cleaned 'em dry. His parents were ever so shocked when they had to sell their properties and move to Florida," Karen said. "They weren't poor; they had enough to retire, but; they were horridly middle class.""Karma's a bitch," Dana said, pushing back against her pillows to sit up more. "Kare; I'm so sorry I didn't talk with you when you came back to the apartment. I could have helped you; we both would have helped you."Karen's smile faded, remembering and wondering what might have been. Dana would have helped her, but she was certain Dana's help would be help to get an abortion; and then she would never have had the joy of knowing her grandchildren. Dean would have; well, it was impossible to know what he would have done, but he would have helped. "Well, consider this your punishment," Karen said, stretching her fingers. "Are you ready?""I'm on opiates, baby. Bring it on;” Dana said, a smile moving across her face.Karen's fingers moved across the keys, and at first, she was put off by the strangeness of the keys and the sensation of tapping on something flat instead of the feel of a piano. Then, memory took over and her hands remembered the dance. Years fell away as she was filled again with the joy of making music. She started with "Clair de lune," a gentle Debussy chosen to respect the frailty of her friend's condition.Upon playing the final chords, she looked up for her friend's reaction to see that Dana had covered her face with a pillow in an attempt to smother herself. "God, you're rusty. You used to be better than me. What have you been doing with those hands?" she complained."Raising kids; kneading dough; finding random women's' panties when I changed sheets on the bed," Karen said, ruefully."Should've jumped Dean while you had the chance;” Dana murmured.Karen bit her lips and closed her eyes. "Um; how; how is he?"Dana stared into Karen's eyes for a painfully long moment, then looked out the window, away from Karen. "Life; life wasn't kind to him. After I graduated, he moved back home to take care of Nana. He only came to the city to look after me, anyway. Living alone hardened him. I haven't seen him in years; not that I'd want to see what he's become. Sometimes you just need to let people go, Kare," she said, sighing sadly. "Anyway; I need a laugh. Show me how pathetic your Jerry Lee Lewis catalog is.""Yes, ma'am," Karen said, blinking back tears and starting into "Great Balls of Fire."The wind coming through the drivers' side window ruffled the inch-long cap of vivid red hair that had grown on Karen's head as she drove down the winding West Virginia roads that she hadn't seen in 30 years. The beauty of this place still softened and relaxed her as much as it had, oh so long ago. Despite Dana's warnings, Karen's heart demanded that she make this trip; and after all she had lost, she was determined to listen to her heart from now on, until she could no longer hear it.She frowned at her passenger and began coughing as a noxious odor swirled around, filling her SUV. She rolled her window down further in self-preservation. This was probably a bad idea; but after all these years of thinking things through and being sensible, she felt entitled to indulge in a few harebrained schemes."Country road; take me home; to the place; I belong; West Virginia; mountain mama; take me home; country road;” she sang, smiling as the wooded foothills rose up in the distance. The path became rough when she turned by the Stevens mailbox and began bouncing up through the woods toward the cozy home. Her passenger surveyed the woods around the vehicle with increasing excitement.Karen started doubting herself, though. It was ridiculous, the more she thought about it. All her emails had gone unanswered. The phone number she was given was out of service. Three decades had passed since she came here; why would he want to see a 50-something woman with an unflattering haircut and stretch marks just because he had fallen in love with the 20-something version of her? Would Dean even remember her at all? She ran through her plan again in her mind again. It sounded really stupid, now. At least it would let her make a quick exit if things didn't work out, though.She broke out in a cold sweat when the house came into view. It was just as she had remembered it, maintained well, but not changed. It was like a holy place, kept perfectly through the ages in reverence for what it represented.She pulled up to the house and parked. No one emerged, so she would have to go in. She would have to go knock on that door and see the unrecognition or even disappointment in his eyes. She needed to go tell him about his sister. Opening the door, she slid out and hopped to the ground and stretched her legs. Suddenly, a braying roar filled the air and a wall of fur launched itself from behind the house and came for her. "SIT!" Karen yelled. Her command, though impressive, appeared only to be a gentle suggestion to the monster that continued to charge her. "STAY!" Karen shouted. This recommendation also appeared to go unheeded."BUSTER, NO!" a voice from the porch yelled, and Karen couldn't help but stare at her first glimpse of Dean in decades. He looked wild. Wild hair, wild beard, a body that had to be formed by the wilderness, itself. Not a drop of civilization tainted the essence of this man; and it made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Karen began walking toward him, completely forgetting about the fearsome beast avalanche coming to bury her. Dean jumped down from the porch and began running toward the flurry of fur and teeth that had bent its path upon Karen's destruction.A split second before Buster reached Karen, the passenger of her vehicle silently flew out, tackled him with a full-body slam and the two went rolling back from where Karen now stood next to Dean. The two tumbled, tearing up the grass and knocking over the woodpile in the commotion. Buster yelped loudly and jumped free of the massive shaggy-furred beast that was still intent upon teaching him some manners. "Judith, come!" Karen called, and with a final snarl at Buster, Judith returned to where Karen stood and sat by her side, still glaring to where Buster stood looking dumbfounded."Well, I'll be damned;” Dean murmured, looking at the still-cowed Buster in wonder."Girl dog privilege," Karen replied simply. "What is that thing, anyway?" she asked, nodding to where Buster now stood whining and trying to approach the growling Judith."Bernese Mountain Dog; Great Pyrenees; and probably a bit of German Shepherd;” Dean murmured, turning toward her. His eyes traveled over her slowly and boldly."Judith's Akita and Malamute; she was turned into the shelter because she always thinks she's right," Karen said. "That, and she farts something awful."

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 3Karen Embarks on a cure campaign.Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Karen sighed, "Might as well. Let's go kill the libido of an entire civilization, Holland."Holland took her arm and soon the cell where she was held disappeared and another space formed around them. Captain Hemsworth and several crew members from the ship stood nearby, as well as Ensign Holland who was still holding her arm, reassuringly. Looking around, Karen saw that they were in what appeared to be a sound-booth of sorts. One crewmember activated some equipment and moved one protruding tentacle closer to Karen's mouth and another toward Captain Hemsworth's."Are we ready, Ellis?" Captain Hemsworth asked, clearing his throat. Ellis nodded and stepped back from the tentacles. Hemsworth tapped the end of the tentacle and a booming noise reverberated around the room. He cleared his throat several more times and straightened his collar. "People of Priam! Your deliverance has come! You sent us forth among the stars to find the cure to the horrid addiction of filth that has infiltrated our minds and we have not failed you! We have dedicated our lives to this effort, foregone having families, and any comforts of home to bring you this salvation! Behold; The Karen!" he proclaimed, gesturing for Karen to speak."Um; hi?" Karen said, unsurely. Hemsworth glanced at Ellis who was reading some type of display. Ellis frowned and motioned for her to continue speaking. "Um; my name is Karen;""Hi Karen;” several crew members responded unanimously before Captain Hemsworth cut them off with a gesture."Um; I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say. I heard you're all having some troubles. I'm sorry. I know what that's like. I've had some troubles, too. I married the wrong person; someone who didn't really love me. I wasn't brave and I tried to avoid trouble too much. I had four kids, but they grew up seeing me treated badly, so they don't really see me as being worth much; if they don't need me to be a mom anymore, what good am I to them? I love them, but; I wish I had done more with my life. Now, I'm getting a divorce; and now that I'm in my 50's, I'm not young and beautiful anymore, so it's like I'm invisible to most people. My body hurts more than it used to; and I'm afraid most days. I don't know what's going to happen to me. Everything keeps changing and I don't know where I belong. I feel like I've failed all the time. But, they said that maybe I could help you, so; I hope I can help make things better for you. I'd like to see something good come out of all this," Karen said, wiping some tears off her cheeks. Holland stepped next to her and took her hand. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder."Ellis?" Hemsworth asked.Ellis looked up from the display, a disconcerted expression on his face. "I don't understand;” he murmured, leaning down and feverishly working on the equipment. "They're hearing it. I know they're hearing it;”"It's not working? She just spoke more than it took to knock out the entire bridge crew! What do you mean it's not working?" Hemsworth said, frustrated. Karen looked at Holland, who simply shrugged.Captain Hemsworth frowned with determination and motioned to Karen, "Speak again. Louder. Talk about the cobb salad! Men, brace yourselves!" he ordered."Cobb salad?" Karen repeated, surprised. "Oh, well, um; it's just yummy. It's got hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, bacon, and avocado on a bed of lettuce; chives and bleu cheese over the top is good, too. The nice thing is that all the ingredients are put into neat little rows across the lettuce, so you can choose exactly what you want in each bite! It's not just a big mess like other salads. You know, I could make you one ; do you guys have avocadoes?" she said enthusiastically, looking to Holland.Holland immediately began looking up something on his hand-held computer. "Av-o-ca-does; do they yield their young willingly, or do we need to;""What the hell is going on???" Captain Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland's ear and looking inside. "Holland! You're not wearing protection! Why aren't you unconscious on the floor?""Oh, um; they were kind of uncomfortable, and they made it hard to hear what she was remembering, and;""You Remembered With The Karen? What Is Wrong With You?" Hemsworth shouted, before calming himself. "Momoa, get some caffeline ready. I need to hear her again," he said, bracing himself as he pulled what looked like slugs out of his ears. "Speak again about the salad;”"Okay, uh; most like to eat it with a vinaigrette? I think that gets to be a bit too much if there's bleu cheese on top, though. Sometimes I'll get it with ranch or something creamy because then;""What the hell, Holland! What did you do to The Karen? I barely feel anything!" Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland by the uniform."Um; I don't know; we just talked and remembered; you know, she's really nice, if you get to;""Dammit, You've Broken The Karen, Holland! How Are We Supposed To;" Captain Hemsworth yelled until he was interrupted by a knock nearby.Lieutenant Ellis activated a control on his display and a hole formed in the wall of the room. An assembly of Priamites entered the room, as smoothly as if they were rolled in on a platform together. The crew of the Onan immediately fell prostrate on the floor before them. Karen, unwilling to lie face-down on a floor she hadn't cleaned herself, looked around uncomfortably and gave the assembly a small wave. One Priamite raised her hand to return the gesture but was quickly stopped by her neighbor."Welcome, crew of the Onan," one of the assembly said, followed by the rest of the assembly nodding agreeably. "We are most appreciative of all your; efforts. We realize that you have dedicated several of your lifetimes to freeing our civilization from the throes of pornographic addiction, and for your many sacrifices, we thank you," the speaker said, then glanced around uncomfortably at the others. "Most unexpectedly, ah; while the Eros Curse was most distressing to the initial generations, the subsequent generations acclimated to it rather quickly. Then, as fashions changed, the Eros Curse became more of a joke, really; dance mixes were made, memes;”"Excuse me?" Captain Hemsworth said, lifting his face from the floor."I mean, sure, the Eros Curse is still out there. It's just that it's just become something people live with. It doesn't take over our lives, but some indulge in it a little after the kids have gone to bed for the night. I mean, it's not really such a big deal. It adds a little spice to an otherwise boring life, you know?""Boring life?" Hemsworth repeated, rising to his feet. "Are you telling me that all of Priam just walks around, living life, thinking about; that?""Well, yes, but we are very grateful for all you and your crew have done for us. We express our thanks to all the crews of the ships we loaded up with uptight intellectuals that were determined to rid our civilization of; alternative thoughts. We have come here to present you and your crew with a commemorative plaque for all your;""Is this some kind of joke?" Hemsworth said, pacing around. "I've been trekking throughout the universe looking for a cure to your abhorrent lust-filled thoughts and now you just want to give me a plaque for a lifetime of sacrifice because you don't see a problem with your disgusting sticky existence?""Well, there's no need to kink-shame;” the assembly spokesperson muttered, "Honestly, you never wondered why they sent the most uptight assholes on the planet off on a vague 'mission' and never really asked for progress reports?""I don't believe this;” Hemsworth said, his eyes bulging, nostrils flaring. "We've sacrificed our lives for nothing???""Oh, I see where this is going;” Karen said to Holland, who seemed to be trying to assume a duck-and-cover position."How could you do this to us???" Hemsworth yelled."Use the diaphragm for projection, baby; you can do it;” Karen encouraged."I Want; To See; The Manager!" Captain Hemsworth yelled at the top of his lungs, causing a feedback loop to screech throughout the room. The last thing Karen saw before falling unconscious was the sight of every Priamite in the room projectile vomiting on each other. The stench was overwhelming.Karen's Humility.Karen lifted her face off the bathroom floor, overwhelmed by the stench. She brushed off a spare piece of toilet paper stuck to her face, as she tried to remember what had happened. Her lungs burned from what she slowly recognized as pepper spray. She gathered her purse and stumbled out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, and a bruise was swelling where her cheek hit the floor. She splashed some cold water on her face and wiped off the makeup that streaked in the process. This was Snookers; not Baker's Pie. She had just ripped a kid a new asshole for not having cobb salad on the menu. What was she doing with her life?Upon exiting the bathroom, she ran into Travis the Waiter, who looked like he had just splashed water on his face, too. Dread and unease filled his face upon seeing her before it was quickly masked into concern. "Oh, um; are you okay? Can I get you some ice for that?" he asked, looking at the bruise on her cheek."What? Oh, no, honey. I'm okay. I just fell," she said, before meeting his eyes and taking his hand in hers. "Travis, I'm so sorry about the way I treated you. That was awful, and I have no excuse. You didn't deserve that.""It's okay; it happens," Travis said, carefully."It shouldn't, though. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Would you mind if I just gave you some cash to cover the meal and snuck out of here? God knows what that group of biddies will gossip about when I go out there like this," Karen said, gesturing to herself."Yeah, that should be no problem," Travis said, taking the money she offered. "Are you sure you're okay?"Karen nodded, "I'm fine. I've just got some things to do. You've got a sweet heart, honey. Keep listening to it."Karen swallowed nervously as she went up the walkway to the small suburban house. She hadn't called before coming. It was rude of her not to call ahead of time, but then again, she was pretty sure that her number had been blocked. She didn't know if her oldest son had gone "no contact" or just "low contact" with her, but she was pretty sure her daughter-in-law would threaten to call the police within five minutes of her ringing the doorbell. Nevertheless, when she got up to the door, Karen put her finger forward and rang the bell."What do you want, Karen?" Hailey's terse voice came through the doorbell."Oh; you got one of those camera doorbell things; that's nice;” she began, unsure of how to say what was in her heart without a face in front of her."What do you want?" Hailey repeated."Um; I wanted to talk with you;""The last time you wanted to 'talk' with me, you just wanted to see my kids while you criticized my inadequate housekeeping, my inept child-rearing, and my unattractive post-pregnancy body. So, forgive me if I'd prefer not to have a heart-to-heart, Karen," Hailey interrupted."You're right," Karen said, looking at the dark circle holding the doorbell's camera. "I did that. I did that. I have not been kind to you. When Cal Jr. brought you home, I was not welcoming. I should have been; because you deserved that. You deserved it because you made my son happy. You have made him happier than I've ever known him to be; and that's what I've always wanted for him. If you were just like me, if you did all the things that I obnoxiously told you to do; he wouldn't be half as happy as he is with you; just as you are. If for no other reason than my son's happiness, you have my gratitude. I'm sorry that I've wasted the chances you've given me to know you better. You're brave and confident and funny. Honestly, I think you're the person I wished I could have been at your age. I'm sorry for a lot of things but being wasteful; saying thoughtless things that hardened people's hearts; those are the things that I wish I could take back the most. So, um;” Karen said, checking her notes on her phone's notepad to make sure she got all the points she wanted, "that's pretty much it. Oh, and I put that chocolate mousse recipe you liked on this index card so you can make it, but feel free to call me if you can't read my writing; or if you, you know, ever need anything."Karen nodded at the doorbell and started back down the walkway toward her car, blinking back tears. She had wasted so much time, so many chances. She didn't know if there was a point in trying again now, but she had to. She wasn't getting any younger.As she reached the end of the walkway, she was nearly knocked over by two little bodies running into her and grabbing onto her legs. Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she bent down to pick up her grandchildren, kissing them until they tried to wiggle away. As they started simultaneously telling her everything they had been doing while she was away, Karen's eyes drifted up to the doorway where her pierced and tattooed daughter-in-law stood. "Thank you" Karen mouthed silently over her grandchildren's backs.Karen pushed open the doors of Forest Glenn Hospice Care, her bag stuffed with an array of items and went up to the front desk. "Karen Weaver. I'm here for Dana Stevens," she said.The new girl at the reception desk looked at Karen with quiet unease. "Um; Ms. Stevens has requested only visitors who have;" Karen smirked and lifted the wig off her head, revealing her clean-shaven head. "Oh! Great! Go right in," she said, relieved.The corridor of the hospice facility was peaceful and quiet; exactly the kind of thing the old Dana would hate. Entering her room, Karen looked for any signs that other visitors had been to see Dana but saw nothing. Dana was napping again, her face drawn and gaunt, but thankfully not in pain. Karen put down her bag in a nearby chair and took out a rolled-up electronic piano keyboard and unfurled it on a table next to the hospital bed. As she was on her hands and knees trying to find an outlet to use, she heard Dana clear her throat. "What the hell is that?" she asked, smirking as she nodded at the keyboard."Your afternoon's entertainment. I ordered it on Amazon; you should have seen the bitchy reviews. Reminded me of you. Mind you, I haven't played since Cal got rid of the piano when it didn't fit in the Brooklyn apartment, so you're in for a treat," Karen said, rubbing her hands together and moving her glasses on top of her head so she could see the keyboard controls."Calvin Carmichael in a Brooklyn apartment. My god. What was it that emptied the Carmichael family coffers after they stole you away from me, again?" Dana asked, her sunken eyes taking in every detail of Karen's face as she hovered over the keyboard."Bernie Madoff; cleaned 'em dry. His parents were ever so shocked when they had to sell their properties and move to Florida," Karen said. "They weren't poor; they had enough to retire, but; they were horridly middle class.""Karma's a bitch," Dana said, pushing back against her pillows to sit up more. "Kare; I'm so sorry I didn't talk with you when you came back to the apartment. I could have helped you; we both would have helped you."Karen's smile faded, remembering and wondering what might have been. Dana would have helped her, but she was certain Dana's help would be help to get an abortion; and then she would never have had the joy of knowing her grandchildren. Dean would have; well, it was impossible to know what he would have done, but he would have helped. "Well, consider this your punishment," Karen said, stretching her fingers. "Are you ready?""I'm on opiates, baby. Bring it on;” Dana said, a smile moving across her face.Karen's fingers moved across the keys, and at first, she was put off by the strangeness of the keys and the sensation of tapping on something flat instead of the feel of a piano. Then, memory took over and her hands remembered the dance. Years fell away as she was filled again with the joy of making music. She started with "Clair de lune," a gentle Debussy chosen to respect the frailty of her friend's condition.Upon playing the final chords, she looked up for her friend's reaction to see that Dana had covered her face with a pillow in an attempt to smother herself. "God, you're rusty. You used to be better than me. What have you been doing with those hands?" she complained."Raising kids; kneading dough; finding random women's' panties when I changed sheets on the bed," Karen said, ruefully."Should've jumped Dean while you had the chance;” Dana murmured.Karen bit her lips and closed her eyes. "Um; how; how is he?"Dana stared into Karen's eyes for a painfully long moment, then looked out the window, away from Karen. "Life; life wasn't kind to him. After I graduated, he moved back home to take care of Nana. He only came to the city to look after me, anyway. Living alone hardened him. I haven't seen him in years; not that I'd want to see what he's become. Sometimes you just need to let people go, Kare," she said, sighing sadly. "Anyway; I need a laugh. Show me how pathetic your Jerry Lee Lewis catalog is.""Yes, ma'am," Karen said, blinking back tears and starting into "Great Balls of Fire."The wind coming through the drivers' side window ruffled the inch-long cap of vivid red hair that had grown on Karen's head as she drove down the winding West Virginia roads that she hadn't seen in 30 years. The beauty of this place still softened and relaxed her as much as it had, oh so long ago. Despite Dana's warnings, Karen's heart demanded that she make this trip; and after all she had lost, she was determined to listen to her heart from now on, until she could no longer hear it.She frowned at her passenger and began coughing as a noxious odor swirled around, filling her SUV. She rolled her window down further in self-preservation. This was probably a bad idea; but after all these years of thinking things through and being sensible, she felt entitled to indulge in a few harebrained schemes."Country road; take me home; to the place; I belong; West Virginia; mountain mama; take me home; country road;” she sang, smiling as the wooded foothills rose up in the distance. The path became rough when she turned by the Stevens mailbox and began bouncing up through the woods toward the cozy home. Her passenger surveyed the woods around the vehicle with increasing excitement.Karen started doubting herself, though. It was ridiculous, the more she thought about it. All her emails had gone unanswered. The phone number she was given was out of service. Three decades had passed since she came here; why would he want to see a 50-something woman with an unflattering haircut and stretch marks just because he had fallen in love with the 20-something version of her? Would Dean even remember her at all? She ran through her plan again in her mind again. It sounded really stupid, now. At least it would let her make a quick exit if things didn't work out, though.She broke out in a cold sweat when the house came into view. It was just as she had remembered it, maintained well, but not changed. It was like a holy place, kept perfectly through the ages in reverence for what it represented.She pulled up to the house and parked. No one emerged, so she would have to go in. She would have to go knock on that door and see the unrecognition or even disappointment in his eyes. She needed to go tell him about his sister. Opening the door, she slid out and hopped to the ground and stretched her legs. Suddenly, a braying roar filled the air and a wall of fur launched itself from behind the house and came for her. "SIT!" Karen yelled. Her command, though impressive, appeared only to be a gentle suggestion to the monster that continued to charge her. "STAY!" Karen shouted. This recommendation also appeared to go unheeded."BUSTER, NO!" a voice from the porch yelled, and Karen couldn't help but stare at her first glimpse of Dean in decades. He looked wild. Wild hair, wild beard, a body that had to be formed by the wilderness, itself. Not a drop of civilization tainted the essence of this man; and it made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Karen began walking toward him, completely forgetting about the fearsome beast avalanche coming to bury her. Dean jumped down from the porch and began running toward the flurry of fur and teeth that had bent its path upon Karen's destruction.A split second before Buster reached Karen, the passenger of her vehicle silently flew out, tackled him with a full-body slam and the two went rolling back from where Karen now stood next to Dean. The two tumbled, tearing up the grass and knocking over the woodpile in the commotion. Buster yelped loudly and jumped free of the massive shaggy-furred beast that was still intent upon teaching him some manners. "Judith, come!" Karen called, and with a final snarl at Buster, Judith returned to where Karen stood and sat by her side, still glaring to where Buster stood looking dumbfounded."Well, I'll be damned;” Dean murmured, looking at the still-cowed Buster in wonder."Girl dog privilege," Karen replied simply. "What is that thing, anyway?" she asked, nodding to where Buster now stood whining and trying to approach the growling Judith."Bernese Mountain Dog; Great Pyrenees; and probably a bit of German Shepherd;” Dean murmured, turning toward her. His eyes traveled over her slowly and boldly."Judith's Akita and Malamute; she was turned into the shelter because she always thinks she's right," Karen said. "That, and she farts something awful."

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 1Desperate aliens kidnap a Karen to save their world!Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the starship Onan, the Priamites dubiously watched the screen display the creature. Dr. Fehr's algorithm had brought them trekking across the galaxy to a smallish, blue planet around an unimpressive star. While there was no denying the power emitted by the angry, festering organic matter before them, the thought of containing it and bringing it back to Priam was daunting. Still, the fate of their world hung upon the success of their mission."Do we have; uh; audio yet, Lieutenant Cavill?" Captain Hemsworth said, pausing briefly to joylessly ejaculate into his cumsuit, which quickly reclaimed the essence he emitted and channeled it into one of the suit's containment pouches to be resorbed as nourishment.Ever since the people of Eros had unleashed their horrific weapon on them, the Priamites orgasmed almost constantly. The Eros Curse, which seemed like a gift at first, became a tool of enslavement and oppression as the great Priam civilization devolved into listless people who passed the time sitting and staring at nothing in particular. Even special holidays were simply spent gathered in each other's' houses, grunting intermittently. The children of Priam, spared by the curse of Eros by living in growth pods, were never exposed to the disease or its effects until the seemingly arbitrary age of 18, so at least there was no trouble with the censors. The demands of orgasming so frequently took its toll on the Priamite's bodies. Dehydration, muscle spasms, and fatigue were common. The effects on the mind were worse. It wasn't until the invention of the cumsuit, which not only reclaimed the fluid loss and prevented dehydration, but also reduced arousing sensations until the wearer was nearly numb, that it was possible for them to journey out into the stars in search of a cure.Guided by the ancient journals of the revered Dr. Fehr, the Priamites had come to a small planet where it was foretold that there was a force of great and terrible power. It was hoped that this force could be used to break free of the cruel Eros Curse, but time was running out. Even wearing the cumsuits, the crew of the Onan, who were the most stoic, intellectual and sexless men of Priam, felt themselves progressively weakening to the Curse. It was only a matter of time until they lost all sense of duty and simply went adrift through the universe."No audio yet, Captain. The resonant frequency is so shrill that if we don't modulate the pitch; uh;” Lieutenant Cavill replied, closing his eyes and shaking as he orgasmed, then collapsed and stared blankly at the control panels as he recovered.Another crewman took over at the panel, "Captain, I can give you audio, but only for a short time. Even on their planet, they; they; oh; oh fuck;” the replacement said, stiffening as he spurted inside his suit, then shook his head to clear it and looked to their leader for orders. Captain Hemsworth braced himself in his chair and nodded for him to activate audio.A horrendous braying screech filled the bridge, “ No Idea Why You People Can't Even Take An Order Right! I Ordered The Cobb Salad With Extra Avocado! I Don't Care If It's Not On There Or Not! Fix The Damn Menu! I Have Been Coming Here For Over 15 Years And I Know For A Fact That You People Had Cobb Salad On There Two Years Ago When You Were Called Baker's Pie;"Another voice interjected, soft and conciliatory, "Oh, yes, ma'am; I see the confusion. The Baker's Pie that was here went out of business. This restaurant is Snooker's, now, so we don't have the same menu, but our club salad is very similar to;""Are You Actually Interrupting Me? Get. Me. A. Cobb. Salad. Extra Avocado! Do You Understand? Extra Avocado! Mucho Amortado! Comprendo Estupido?"Even in that short interlude, most of the Onan's bridge crew had begun bleeding from their ears and collapsing onto the deck. Captain Hemsworth, a man of rare tolerance and stamina, struggled past their unconscious bodies to the control panel and lowered the volume until it was barely audible. "Computer, disburse caffeline into bridge life support systems, 15 parts per million," he mumbled, leaning on the control panel for support as the strong stimulant hissed into the room. He didn't like to use the drug, because the heightened energy it gave often led to periods of prolonged involuntary masturbation, but he couldn't afford to waste time for the crewmen to awaken naturally. Not when conditions were so dire on Priam.Lieutenant Cavill groaned and rose weakly, climbing back into his console chair and checking the readings. "What happened, Captain? Our scans showed a primitive civilization on the planet without any meaningful defenses. What was that? Some kind of weapon?" he asked.Captain Hemsworth did a double-take at the crewman in wonder, but he said nothing. All around him, he watched the rest of the crew slowly getting to their feet and going back to their positions. All the men were alert, aware, and focused on their duties. Several of them were talking to each other; in full uninterrupted sentences. No one drooled, no one's eyes rolled back; not one of them stared off into space, as if dully re-living the curse that had infected their brains. He, himself, had not even felt the urge to sexually relieve himself once, even with the high levels of caffeline in the air. Indeed, he had not felt anything below the waist; not since he heard that voice. He doubted whether he would have the urge to orgasm ever again. They had finally done it."That was no weapon, Cavill; it is what we came here to find. It's the cure that Dr. Fehr told us was here all along. Contact High Command and tell them; tell them we found it. Tell them we have found; The Karen.The man-eating woman.After straightening out the incompetent waiter on her order, Karen Carmichael excused herself from her prayer group's table and walked to the restrooms, incensed. What kind of man actually cries when taking an order for a salad? Probably gay; or whatever kids were calling themselves these days. Was there such a thing as "gay" anymore, when people "identified" themselves as whatever the hell occurred to them? What was the point of picking a sexuality when people didn't even have a species anymore?Of course, Travis the Waiter had to play the victim about it, too, making the entire restaurant gawk over at their table like they were monsters. He probably knew they were a nice church group and went out of his way to make trouble. Sure, they all scream for "tolerance," but their types couldn't wait to attack nice people of faith like her who showed the world what it was to be decent and pure of heart. Well, he could just kiss his tip money goodbye! Tipping had gotten ridiculous anyway; a generation of whiny babies feeling entitled to extra money just for doing their jobs. ‘If ‘; they did their jobs. She couldn't even get a salad; and, by God, if the Manager didn't make things right, her Yelp review on this place would burn a hole through people's screens!Karen pushed on the door to the restroom tightly clutching her can of pepper spray, because sexual predators were always trying to rape women like her in public restrooms, and she nearly screamed when the door opened. Wet paper towels were everywhere. The garbage bin was overflowing, and some slob had splashed water all over the sink area! Now, she'd have to make the Manager take care of this, too! More drama, when she just wanted to have a nice lunch with her friends. And, of course, the Manager would just try to ‘handle ‘; her; as if she was some unreasonable bitch just for wanting to use a facility that wasn't absolutely disgusting! Then looking near her, but not at her, the Manager would apologize in that fake-nice voice and offer to comp her meal; offering her even more of what was bad in the first place. Managers and their fake apologies. They weren't sorry. The soulless jerks never meant it. They just wanted her to go away; acting like she was a scamming thief instead of someone who just wanted to be treated decently.She settled on the toilet and tried to calm herself. Lately, half the time she wanted to cry, or scream, or tear out her hair; but it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change. Everything changed around her, though. Menus; her children; hairstyles; prices; everything changed. It felt like everything had just left her behind. She looked everywhere for the things she used to love, but she couldn't find them anymore; and if she did find them, they weren't the same as they once were. Nothing made her feel her joy like she used to. That was it. Maybe she was done; that her turn at having any real joy was over. Now, the only time anyone tried to make her happy, or even looked at her, was when she screamed at them.Karen opened her eyes to a rattling sound at the door of her long, handicapped-bathroom stall. "Occupied!" she called out. To her dismay, the dial holding the sliding bolt turned all by itself and the door unlocked. "Hey! Get out!" she yelled, grabbing her pepper spray and holding it in front of her while she tried to stand and pull up her yoga pants."Nice human; good human;” a vaguely disembodied male voice said as a dark, hooded figure in a bizarre form-fitting spacesuit stepped into her stall holding what looked like a staff with a flexible loop affixed to the end of it. It slowly stepped toward her, as cautiously as one might approach a spooked animal. "Human want a nice piece of kale? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a good human?" it asked, holding out a curly dark green leaf to her and shaking it temptingly."What the hell?" she yelled, fumbling with the pepper spray can and trying to figure out how to make it work, just as the loop at the end of the staff went down over her head and around her neck, cinching tight.Karen choked, clutching at the loop with one hand, trying to loosen it so she could breathe, and with the other she emptied the can of pepper spray into the hooded face of her attacker. She struggled wildly, but the staff with the loop effectively controlled her and prevented her from landing any punches or kicks on her attacker. As darkness started creeping in on her vision, the last thing she saw was the figure deeply inhale the cloud of pepper spray and hold its breath, then say in a choked voice, "Ready for transport, sir; and man, they've got some good shit down here;”The forgotten leaf of kale fell down next to where Karen's cheek was pressed against the filthy bathroom floor, and with what she feared was her dying breath she choked out, "I want; to see; the; Manager;”Karen's ne victim."I used kale, Sir. Worked like a charm. It's one of the most nutritionally dense materials on the planet, so naturally, it was irresistible," a larger Priamite said to Captain Hemsworth, as he stripped out of his protective suit in a small enclave, bathed in an undulating light.Captain Hemsworth nodded. "Good work, Commander Momoa. Decontaminate for a full four cycles and I want protective measures in place for all personnel. God knows what this thing is capable of when it wakes."Karen heard garbled voices nearby, but kept her eyes closed and tried to steady her breathing. What had happened? The air smelled odd; almost crackling with ozone and energy, like a storm coming. The ambient sounds of the room told her she was not in Snookers anymore. Probably human traffickers. She saw a whole show about it. The bastards kidnapped her and were going to sell her into sexual slavery; except that she wasn't a teenager. She was 51 years old. Nobody would pay for sex with her, much less risk a felony conviction for it. Any ransom demands sent to her husband were going to have disappointing results, as well. So, what was going on? Why was she here? The kids were in college and wouldn't even notice she was gone until Christmas came. Her friends; her passive-aggressive competitors, if she was being honest; they'd just assume she left in a huff and stiffed them on the lunch check. The cold, hard truth was: nobody cared about her anymore and she knew it. That meant, if she was going to get out of this, she would have to do it herself. Her cheek hurt where it had hit that disgusting bathroom floor and she reached her hand up to touch it. The voices yelped in alarm and Karen opened her eyes to see two figures backing away from the enclosure she was imprisoned in."Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my purse?" she yelled, pushing herself to her feet. She walked toward them, crossing her arms and glaring. "I want whoever is in charge over here right now! I mean it!" she yelled, pointing as she walked toward them. One of the figures screamed, clutched at his ears and doubled over, staggering around the room dramatically. The other, larger one she recognized from the restaurant bathroom was in some tanning-booth-looking-thing, half naked and gorgeous in a likely-sexual-predator kind of way. Rather than flailing around the room, he seemed to have gone into a catatonic trance. God, people were useless. "You! Himbo!" she shouted, pointing at him. "Where is my purse? Did you even think to get it when you kidnapped me, or am I going to miss my Ozempic shot? I hope to God you assholes have good lawyers!"The beefy kidnapper in the tanning booth wobbled, then vomited loudly. Karen snorted as he slid down to the floor, unconscious. Pathetic. The smaller figure dove toward a panel on the wall next to her enclosure and pressed a few buttons and she heard the ambient noise of her room change, like it was encased, somehow."I've muted it. It's become even stronger than before;” Captain Hemsworth gasped, helping Commander Momoa to his feet again."How are we going to get it back to Priam? We could choke it out again every time it awakens; give the privilege out as a reward to the crew?" Commander Momoa suggested eagerly."No," Captain Hemsworth said, coming closer to the force field separating him from the angry Karen still yelling and pointing from inside the enclosure. "The cumulative effects of throttling it constantly might affect its functioning. We need The Karen at full power if we are to rescue Priam. We need to keep it conscious. We must feed it, provide it breathing gasses, and keep it clean; it appears to be constantly decaying. That reminds me ; cleaning duty goes to Ensign Holland. He's still on my shit list after the incident with the Zendayans.""Aye, sir."Captain Hemsworth cleared his throat and pressed another button on the side panel. "Hail Karen, bringer of blessed flaccidity, destroyer of abhorrent lust, and banisher of all erotic thought. We are men of the planet Priam. We mean you no harm. We come to you seeking aid, and we come in peace. Actually, until we found you, we would come almost constantly. It was disgusting. Everything was sticky. You see, our enemies from Eros sent us the most perfect pornographic images disguised in an innocent-looking email attachment. Once they were seen, they could not be unseen. They were burned into our brains, cursing us with perpetual arousal. The first wave of Priamites were taken by surprise once they activated the link. The next wave fell victim when the first wave posted the link on their social media because it was just so unbelievably; anyway, after the rest of our population fell out of curiosity or boredom, our civilization was nearly destroyed. We have been searching the stars for a cure, but to no avail. Then, just as all hope seemed lost, we found you; we heard your voice; and our loins finally withered. You are now a guest on my ship, The Onan, en route to my homeworld Priam. There, we will deliver your noxious, strident sounds to everyone, freeing them from their intransigent arousal. Then, after we are assured that all have been cured, we shall return you to your home."At this, Karen made an unpleasant face and began breathing on the clear wall of her enclosure, fogging it. Then, she quickly wrote a short message. "What does it mean?" Commander Momoa said, squinting at the squiggling lines she had made.At this, the computer made a chirp and began speaking, "The message, from the American dialect of the language English translates to: Why didn't you just make a recording?"Captain Hemsworth's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Commander Momoa's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his face in exasperation. "Fuck;” Momoa said in realization. "A recording;”"Dammit. We didn't have to take her at all, did we?" Captain Hemsworth groaned.Karen glared at them and wrote another word on the wall. As certain as Captain Hemsworth was that he did not need or want the translation, the computer was already on the job. "'Dumbasses,'" the computer cheerfully intoned, "a colloquial phrase, plural of the insult 'dumbass,' meaning 'a foolish or stupid person.'""End translation. Yes, Karen, if we had thought to record your voice instead of kidnapping you, this might have been a much shorter story, and considerably less inconvenient, but as it is, we are closer to Priam than Earth at this point, and our course is set. We will bring you to Priam and then return you home. Perhaps kidnapping you was not the most well-considered solution, but I defy you to think clearly after constantly watching porn for eons and let me know if you do any better."Karen's new calling.Great; as if getting old wasn't insult enough, I've actually become an intergalactic sexual repellent, Karen thought to herself as she paced around her cell. A lifetime of trying to do things right, and this is what it gets me. She wasn't so surprised that there were aliens in the universe, or that they had somehow weaponized porn, but that with all their advancements they were still so stupid!Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the ambient sounds of her cell. Life had been so noisy, the last 30 years. Everyone needing her, pulling on her for one thing or another. No peace. Lately though, with the kids gone and Cal; otherwise occupied; life had gone silent. The silence that she had wished for held no peace when it finally came. It just reverberated with the memory of things that had left her behind, making her anxious to fill the emptiness with noise. Nothing came to lure her mind away from the silence, no pleasurable temptations; her duties were done and it felt wrong to do, or even think about, anything else. My god, she had been kidnapped, was flying through the galaxy, and was surrounded by beefcake aliens and she was still thinking about that stupid loose tile in the master bathroom; she needed to get it fixed before the house was sold.A slight sound outside her cell drew her attention. "Who's there?" Karen asked, softly, opening her eyes.A wide-eyed figure peered around the edge of her cell, moving with cautious curiosity. It seemed younger than the other ones. It moved with a sense of barely-restrained eagerness, adorable and earnest. It also held a curved sort of wand in its hand."Honey, if you're here to anally probe me, I'll pass. I already had a colonoscopy this year, I'll have them send you the records;” she murmured, not expecting an answer.After a pause as the figure listened to the translation, its large eyes got even wider. "Is that how you poop?" he asked."What?" she asked, looking more closely at the young alien."I'm supposed to clean your cell when you poop; but you haven't pooped yet; wait, do colonoscopies make you poop?" it asked, scandalized.Karen closed her eyes and shook her head, "No. Colonoscopies put a small camera up your ass so that we can pay a doctor to do what we were afraid aliens like you would do to us if we got drunk in cornfields too much. They don't make us poop. In fact; well, never mind;” she trailed off, embarrassed.She still had vivid memories of her first colonoscopy earlier in the year, drinking gallons of preparatory laxatives, and the resulting quality time with her phone on the toilet. It was an odd experience; not awful, but not one that she could talk to anyone about. Her friends only talked about their kids and their successes, or whose husband cheated on them with some young thing, viciously salivating over their friends' misery with barely concealed glee. Forget about talking through her fears about it with Cal; that wasn't something he was interested in. Not anymore.After the procedure, she had been scared and disoriented from the sedation. For whatever reason, Cal hadn't shown up to give her a ride home. The stupid clinic wouldn't let her leave until someone could drive her home and take care of her. She just sat there getting more and more anxious. Eventually, she called an Uber and begged Xabiib the driver to pretend to be her neighbor; or just someone who cared about her. She spent the ride home trying to say his name correctly while he chuckled and repeated it for her. It was so horrifyingly embarrassing. It's one thing to have no one care about you, but another thing to have the whole world know about it when you were helpless and confused.Tears had rolled down her cheeks and she absently wiped them off with her hand. The young alien sat up and craned his head to look at the liquid on her hand. Karen snorted, "At ease, Holland. It's not poop. You're not getting anything out of me unless you have some heavy-duty magnesium supplements or yogurt."Holland's eyes went wide, "Are humans telepathic???" he gasped. "How did you know my name? Wow, that's so cool! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?"Karen suppressed a smile. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her temples and swayed from side to side, mysteriously. "I see something; something in the mist; something about; could it be; no, it makes no sense. Is it; a Zen; Zendayan? Does that make any sense to you?" she asked.Holland dropped his curved instrument in shock. "Yes! Yes! We just met them! We negotiated with them for supplies! I was there to carry stuff and; and;” he paused, shrinking in on himself a bit. "They are so beautiful. The Zendayans? So beautiful; and super nice; and just; like wow; I was supposed to just stand there until they were done with the talking and bowing and stuff, but they were just like so beautiful.""Well, what happened?" Karen asked."Captain introduced me and I bowed to them. I was feeling dizzy because, you know, their beautifulness just keeps radiating off them. Then; then; the most beautiful of them; she smiled." Holland stared at nothing, immersed in the memory, then wobbled, tipped over, and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.Karen bit her lips in amusement. "I see. What did you do then?""I; I; I started talking and then I just couldn't stop because I was just trying to say how beautiful she was and how it just made my mind explode when she smiled and then I might have peed on the floor.""Oh dear," Karen said, cringing in sympathy. "We don't always put forward the face we want to when we are in our feelings, do we?" she said, quietly."Yeah; I've been cleaning poop ever since;” Holland sighed. After a while he sat back up, picked up the curved instrument and began twirling it in his hands. "So, like; what about you? Have you always made horrible noises?" he asked.Karen huffed, but then she saw the oblivious earnestness in Holland's face and sighed. "No; I wasn't always; like this. In fact, until about 30 years ago, I made beautiful noises. I was a pianist," she said."But, wait, they said you were a female;” Holland said, confused."Pee, an, ist," Karen repeated slowly. "I played the piano. It's an instrument; I was a musician. I was a student at Juilliard. It's a school on Earth; it was like a dream to even get in. I was on a scholarship, living in this shoddy apartment with my roommate Dana;” she trailed off, thinking about those days when everything seemed possible."Wait! Are you remembering?" Holland asked, breaking her reverie. "Can I remember it, too? Nobody wants to remember with me ever since the Zendayans, so I'm just left with my own memories and it gets so boring.""What are you talking about?""Well, it's kinda like; um; let me just show you. Computer, scan The Karen and project her memories," Holland ordered. A humming noise filled the room and a beam of light shot out of the wall and passed over her several times. Suddenly, her cell transformed into her shoddy apartment in Newark, New Jersey."Oh my gosh; it's just like it," Karen gasped looking around."Humans dream of getting into this?" Holland said, scrutinizing a cockroach scurrying along the floor."No, silly. This was our apartment across the river. We lived here when we weren't at school. Dana and I moved off campus in our second year. We took jobs on the side through an agency. That was when;” she sat down and a phone in the apartment's bedroom began ringing.A long, pale arm reached out of a pile of blankets on the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hullo?" Dana mumbled. A voice on the phone sounded irate. "Yeah, I'm almost there," she said and hung up.

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 1Desperate aliens kidnap a Karen to save their world!Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the starship Onan, the Priamites dubiously watched the screen display the creature. Dr. Fehr's algorithm had brought them trekking across the galaxy to a smallish, blue planet around an unimpressive star. While there was no denying the power emitted by the angry, festering organic matter before them, the thought of containing it and bringing it back to Priam was daunting. Still, the fate of their world hung upon the success of their mission."Do we have; uh; audio yet, Lieutenant Cavill?" Captain Hemsworth said, pausing briefly to joylessly ejaculate into his cumsuit, which quickly reclaimed the essence he emitted and channeled it into one of the suit's containment pouches to be resorbed as nourishment.Ever since the people of Eros had unleashed their horrific weapon on them, the Priamites orgasmed almost constantly. The Eros Curse, which seemed like a gift at first, became a tool of enslavement and oppression as the great Priam civilization devolved into listless people who passed the time sitting and staring at nothing in particular. Even special holidays were simply spent gathered in each other's' houses, grunting intermittently. The children of Priam, spared by the curse of Eros by living in growth pods, were never exposed to the disease or its effects until the seemingly arbitrary age of 18, so at least there was no trouble with the censors. The demands of orgasming so frequently took its toll on the Priamite's bodies. Dehydration, muscle spasms, and fatigue were common. The effects on the mind were worse. It wasn't until the invention of the cumsuit, which not only reclaimed the fluid loss and prevented dehydration, but also reduced arousing sensations until the wearer was nearly numb, that it was possible for them to journey out into the stars in search of a cure.Guided by the ancient journals of the revered Dr. Fehr, the Priamites had come to a small planet where it was foretold that there was a force of great and terrible power. It was hoped that this force could be used to break free of the cruel Eros Curse, but time was running out. Even wearing the cumsuits, the crew of the Onan, who were the most stoic, intellectual and sexless men of Priam, felt themselves progressively weakening to the Curse. It was only a matter of time until they lost all sense of duty and simply went adrift through the universe."No audio yet, Captain. The resonant frequency is so shrill that if we don't modulate the pitch; uh;” Lieutenant Cavill replied, closing his eyes and shaking as he orgasmed, then collapsed and stared blankly at the control panels as he recovered.Another crewman took over at the panel, "Captain, I can give you audio, but only for a short time. Even on their planet, they; they; oh; oh fuck;” the replacement said, stiffening as he spurted inside his suit, then shook his head to clear it and looked to their leader for orders. Captain Hemsworth braced himself in his chair and nodded for him to activate audio.A horrendous braying screech filled the bridge, “ No Idea Why You People Can't Even Take An Order Right! I Ordered The Cobb Salad With Extra Avocado! I Don't Care If It's Not On There Or Not! Fix The Damn Menu! I Have Been Coming Here For Over 15 Years And I Know For A Fact That You People Had Cobb Salad On There Two Years Ago When You Were Called Baker's Pie;"Another voice interjected, soft and conciliatory, "Oh, yes, ma'am; I see the confusion. The Baker's Pie that was here went out of business. This restaurant is Snooker's, now, so we don't have the same menu, but our club salad is very similar to;""Are You Actually Interrupting Me? Get. Me. A. Cobb. Salad. Extra Avocado! Do You Understand? Extra Avocado! Mucho Amortado! Comprendo Estupido?"Even in that short interlude, most of the Onan's bridge crew had begun bleeding from their ears and collapsing onto the deck. Captain Hemsworth, a man of rare tolerance and stamina, struggled past their unconscious bodies to the control panel and lowered the volume until it was barely audible. "Computer, disburse caffeline into bridge life support systems, 15 parts per million," he mumbled, leaning on the control panel for support as the strong stimulant hissed into the room. He didn't like to use the drug, because the heightened energy it gave often led to periods of prolonged involuntary masturbation, but he couldn't afford to waste time for the crewmen to awaken naturally. Not when conditions were so dire on Priam.Lieutenant Cavill groaned and rose weakly, climbing back into his console chair and checking the readings. "What happened, Captain? Our scans showed a primitive civilization on the planet without any meaningful defenses. What was that? Some kind of weapon?" he asked.Captain Hemsworth did a double-take at the crewman in wonder, but he said nothing. All around him, he watched the rest of the crew slowly getting to their feet and going back to their positions. All the men were alert, aware, and focused on their duties. Several of them were talking to each other; in full uninterrupted sentences. No one drooled, no one's eyes rolled back; not one of them stared off into space, as if dully re-living the curse that had infected their brains. He, himself, had not even felt the urge to sexually relieve himself once, even with the high levels of caffeline in the air. Indeed, he had not felt anything below the waist; not since he heard that voice. He doubted whether he would have the urge to orgasm ever again. They had finally done it."That was no weapon, Cavill; it is what we came here to find. It's the cure that Dr. Fehr told us was here all along. Contact High Command and tell them; tell them we found it. Tell them we have found; The Karen.The man-eating woman.After straightening out the incompetent waiter on her order, Karen Carmichael excused herself from her prayer group's table and walked to the restrooms, incensed. What kind of man actually cries when taking an order for a salad? Probably gay; or whatever kids were calling themselves these days. Was there such a thing as "gay" anymore, when people "identified" themselves as whatever the hell occurred to them? What was the point of picking a sexuality when people didn't even have a species anymore?Of course, Travis the Waiter had to play the victim about it, too, making the entire restaurant gawk over at their table like they were monsters. He probably knew they were a nice church group and went out of his way to make trouble. Sure, they all scream for "tolerance," but their types couldn't wait to attack nice people of faith like her who showed the world what it was to be decent and pure of heart. Well, he could just kiss his tip money goodbye! Tipping had gotten ridiculous anyway; a generation of whiny babies feeling entitled to extra money just for doing their jobs. ‘If ‘; they did their jobs. She couldn't even get a salad; and, by God, if the Manager didn't make things right, her Yelp review on this place would burn a hole through people's screens!Karen pushed on the door to the restroom tightly clutching her can of pepper spray, because sexual predators were always trying to rape women like her in public restrooms, and she nearly screamed when the door opened. Wet paper towels were everywhere. The garbage bin was overflowing, and some slob had splashed water all over the sink area! Now, she'd have to make the Manager take care of this, too! More drama, when she just wanted to have a nice lunch with her friends. And, of course, the Manager would just try to ‘handle ‘; her; as if she was some unreasonable bitch just for wanting to use a facility that wasn't absolutely disgusting! Then looking near her, but not at her, the Manager would apologize in that fake-nice voice and offer to comp her meal; offering her even more of what was bad in the first place. Managers and their fake apologies. They weren't sorry. The soulless jerks never meant it. They just wanted her to go away; acting like she was a scamming thief instead of someone who just wanted to be treated decently.She settled on the toilet and tried to calm herself. Lately, half the time she wanted to cry, or scream, or tear out her hair; but it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change. Everything changed around her, though. Menus; her children; hairstyles; prices; everything changed. It felt like everything had just left her behind. She looked everywhere for the things she used to love, but she couldn't find them anymore; and if she did find them, they weren't the same as they once were. Nothing made her feel her joy like she used to. That was it. Maybe she was done; that her turn at having any real joy was over. Now, the only time anyone tried to make her happy, or even looked at her, was when she screamed at them.Karen opened her eyes to a rattling sound at the door of her long, handicapped-bathroom stall. "Occupied!" she called out. To her dismay, the dial holding the sliding bolt turned all by itself and the door unlocked. "Hey! Get out!" she yelled, grabbing her pepper spray and holding it in front of her while she tried to stand and pull up her yoga pants."Nice human; good human;” a vaguely disembodied male voice said as a dark, hooded figure in a bizarre form-fitting spacesuit stepped into her stall holding what looked like a staff with a flexible loop affixed to the end of it. It slowly stepped toward her, as cautiously as one might approach a spooked animal. "Human want a nice piece of kale? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a good human?" it asked, holding out a curly dark green leaf to her and shaking it temptingly."What the hell?" she yelled, fumbling with the pepper spray can and trying to figure out how to make it work, just as the loop at the end of the staff went down over her head and around her neck, cinching tight.Karen choked, clutching at the loop with one hand, trying to loosen it so she could breathe, and with the other she emptied the can of pepper spray into the hooded face of her attacker. She struggled wildly, but the staff with the loop effectively controlled her and prevented her from landing any punches or kicks on her attacker. As darkness started creeping in on her vision, the last thing she saw was the figure deeply inhale the cloud of pepper spray and hold its breath, then say in a choked voice, "Ready for transport, sir; and man, they've got some good shit down here;”The forgotten leaf of kale fell down next to where Karen's cheek was pressed against the filthy bathroom floor, and with what she feared was her dying breath she choked out, "I want; to see; the; Manager;”Karen's ne victim."I used kale, Sir. Worked like a charm. It's one of the most nutritionally dense materials on the planet, so naturally, it was irresistible," a larger Priamite said to Captain Hemsworth, as he stripped out of his protective suit in a small enclave, bathed in an undulating light.Captain Hemsworth nodded. "Good work, Commander Momoa. Decontaminate for a full four cycles and I want protective measures in place for all personnel. God knows what this thing is capable of when it wakes."Karen heard garbled voices nearby, but kept her eyes closed and tried to steady her breathing. What had happened? The air smelled odd; almost crackling with ozone and energy, like a storm coming. The ambient sounds of the room told her she was not in Snookers anymore. Probably human traffickers. She saw a whole show about it. The bastards kidnapped her and were going to sell her into sexual slavery; except that she wasn't a teenager. She was 51 years old. Nobody would pay for sex with her, much less risk a felony conviction for it. Any ransom demands sent to her husband were going to have disappointing results, as well. So, what was going on? Why was she here? The kids were in college and wouldn't even notice she was gone until Christmas came. Her friends; her passive-aggressive competitors, if she was being honest; they'd just assume she left in a huff and stiffed them on the lunch check. The cold, hard truth was: nobody cared about her anymore and she knew it. That meant, if she was going to get out of this, she would have to do it herself. Her cheek hurt where it had hit that disgusting bathroom floor and she reached her hand up to touch it. The voices yelped in alarm and Karen opened her eyes to see two figures backing away from the enclosure she was imprisoned in."Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my purse?" she yelled, pushing herself to her feet. She walked toward them, crossing her arms and glaring. "I want whoever is in charge over here right now! I mean it!" she yelled, pointing as she walked toward them. One of the figures screamed, clutched at his ears and doubled over, staggering around the room dramatically. The other, larger one she recognized from the restaurant bathroom was in some tanning-booth-looking-thing, half naked and gorgeous in a likely-sexual-predator kind of way. Rather than flailing around the room, he seemed to have gone into a catatonic trance. God, people were useless. "You! Himbo!" she shouted, pointing at him. "Where is my purse? Did you even think to get it when you kidnapped me, or am I going to miss my Ozempic shot? I hope to God you assholes have good lawyers!"The beefy kidnapper in the tanning booth wobbled, then vomited loudly. Karen snorted as he slid down to the floor, unconscious. Pathetic. The smaller figure dove toward a panel on the wall next to her enclosure and pressed a few buttons and she heard the ambient noise of her room change, like it was encased, somehow."I've muted it. It's become even stronger than before;” Captain Hemsworth gasped, helping Commander Momoa to his feet again."How are we going to get it back to Priam? We could choke it out again every time it awakens; give the privilege out as a reward to the crew?" Commander Momoa suggested eagerly."No," Captain Hemsworth said, coming closer to the force field separating him from the angry Karen still yelling and pointing from inside the enclosure. "The cumulative effects of throttling it constantly might affect its functioning. We need The Karen at full power if we are to rescue Priam. We need to keep it conscious. We must feed it, provide it breathing gasses, and keep it clean; it appears to be constantly decaying. That reminds me ; cleaning duty goes to Ensign Holland. He's still on my shit list after the incident with the Zendayans.""Aye, sir."Captain Hemsworth cleared his throat and pressed another button on the side panel. "Hail Karen, bringer of blessed flaccidity, destroyer of abhorrent lust, and banisher of all erotic thought. We are men of the planet Priam. We mean you no harm. We come to you seeking aid, and we come in peace. Actually, until we found you, we would come almost constantly. It was disgusting. Everything was sticky. You see, our enemies from Eros sent us the most perfect pornographic images disguised in an innocent-looking email attachment. Once they were seen, they could not be unseen. They were burned into our brains, cursing us with perpetual arousal. The first wave of Priamites were taken by surprise once they activated the link. The next wave fell victim when the first wave posted the link on their social media because it was just so unbelievably; anyway, after the rest of our population fell out of curiosity or boredom, our civilization was nearly destroyed. We have been searching the stars for a cure, but to no avail. Then, just as all hope seemed lost, we found you; we heard your voice; and our loins finally withered. You are now a guest on my ship, The Onan, en route to my homeworld Priam. There, we will deliver your noxious, strident sounds to everyone, freeing them from their intransigent arousal. Then, after we are assured that all have been cured, we shall return you to your home."At this, Karen made an unpleasant face and began breathing on the clear wall of her enclosure, fogging it. Then, she quickly wrote a short message. "What does it mean?" Commander Momoa said, squinting at the squiggling lines she had made.At this, the computer made a chirp and began speaking, "The message, from the American dialect of the language English translates to: Why didn't you just make a recording?"Captain Hemsworth's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Commander Momoa's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his face in exasperation. "Fuck;” Momoa said in realization. "A recording;”"Dammit. We didn't have to take her at all, did we?" Captain Hemsworth groaned.Karen glared at them and wrote another word on the wall. As certain as Captain Hemsworth was that he did not need or want the translation, the computer was already on the job. "'Dumbasses,'" the computer cheerfully intoned, "a colloquial phrase, plural of the insult 'dumbass,' meaning 'a foolish or stupid person.'""End translation. Yes, Karen, if we had thought to record your voice instead of kidnapping you, this might have been a much shorter story, and considerably less inconvenient, but as it is, we are closer to Priam than Earth at this point, and our course is set. We will bring you to Priam and then return you home. Perhaps kidnapping you was not the most well-considered solution, but I defy you to think clearly after constantly watching porn for eons and let me know if you do any better."Karen's new calling.Great; as if getting old wasn't insult enough, I've actually become an intergalactic sexual repellent, Karen thought to herself as she paced around her cell. A lifetime of trying to do things right, and this is what it gets me. She wasn't so surprised that there were aliens in the universe, or that they had somehow weaponized porn, but that with all their advancements they were still so stupid!Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the ambient sounds of her cell. Life had been so noisy, the last 30 years. Everyone needing her, pulling on her for one thing or another. No peace. Lately though, with the kids gone and Cal; otherwise occupied; life had gone silent. The silence that she had wished for held no peace when it finally came. It just reverberated with the memory of things that had left her behind, making her anxious to fill the emptiness with noise. Nothing came to lure her mind away from the silence, no pleasurable temptations; her duties were done and it felt wrong to do, or even think about, anything else. My god, she had been kidnapped, was flying through the galaxy, and was surrounded by beefcake aliens and she was still thinking about that stupid loose tile in the master bathroom; she needed to get it fixed before the house was sold.A slight sound outside her cell drew her attention. "Who's there?" Karen asked, softly, opening her eyes.A wide-eyed figure peered around the edge of her cell, moving with cautious curiosity. It seemed younger than the other ones. It moved with a sense of barely-restrained eagerness, adorable and earnest. It also held a curved sort of wand in its hand."Honey, if you're here to anally probe me, I'll pass. I already had a colonoscopy this year, I'll have them send you the records;” she murmured, not expecting an answer.After a pause as the figure listened to the translation, its large eyes got even wider. "Is that how you poop?" he asked."What?" she asked, looking more closely at the young alien."I'm supposed to clean your cell when you poop; but you haven't pooped yet; wait, do colonoscopies make you poop?" it asked, scandalized.Karen closed her eyes and shook her head, "No. Colonoscopies put a small camera up your ass so that we can pay a doctor to do what we were afraid aliens like you would do to us if we got drunk in cornfields too much. They don't make us poop. In fact; well, never mind;” she trailed off, embarrassed.She still had vivid memories of her first colonoscopy earlier in the year, drinking gallons of preparatory laxatives, and the resulting quality time with her phone on the toilet. It was an odd experience; not awful, but not one that she could talk to anyone about. Her friends only talked about their kids and their successes, or whose husband cheated on them with some young thing, viciously salivating over their friends' misery with barely concealed glee. Forget about talking through her fears about it with Cal; that wasn't something he was interested in. Not anymore.After the procedure, she had been scared and disoriented from the sedation. For whatever reason, Cal hadn't shown up to give her a ride home. The stupid clinic wouldn't let her leave until someone could drive her home and take care of her. She just sat there getting more and more anxious. Eventually, she called an Uber and begged Xabiib the driver to pretend to be her neighbor; or just someone who cared about her. She spent the ride home trying to say his name correctly while he chuckled and repeated it for her. It was so horrifyingly embarrassing. It's one thing to have no one care about you, but another thing to have the whole world know about it when you were helpless and confused.Tears had rolled down her cheeks and she absently wiped them off with her hand. The young alien sat up and craned his head to look at the liquid on her hand. Karen snorted, "At ease, Holland. It's not poop. You're not getting anything out of me unless you have some heavy-duty magnesium supplements or yogurt."Holland's eyes went wide, "Are humans telepathic???" he gasped. "How did you know my name? Wow, that's so cool! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?"Karen suppressed a smile. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her temples and swayed from side to side, mysteriously. "I see something; something in the mist; something about; could it be; no, it makes no sense. Is it; a Zen; Zendayan? Does that make any sense to you?" she asked.Holland dropped his curved instrument in shock. "Yes! Yes! We just met them! We negotiated with them for supplies! I was there to carry stuff and; and;” he paused, shrinking in on himself a bit. "They are so beautiful. The Zendayans? So beautiful; and super nice; and just; like wow; I was supposed to just stand there until they were done with the talking and bowing and stuff, but they were just like so beautiful.""Well, what happened?" Karen asked."Captain introduced me and I bowed to them. I was feeling dizzy because, you know, their beautifulness just keeps radiating off them. Then; then; the most beautiful of them; she smiled." Holland stared at nothing, immersed in the memory, then wobbled, tipped over, and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.Karen bit her lips in amusement. "I see. What did you do then?""I; I; I started talking and then I just couldn't stop because I was just trying to say how beautiful she was and how it just made my mind explode when she smiled and then I might have peed on the floor.""Oh dear," Karen said, cringing in sympathy. "We don't always put forward the face we want to when we are in our feelings, do we?" she said, quietly."Yeah; I've been cleaning poop ever since;” Holland sighed. After a while he sat back up, picked up the curved instrument and began twirling it in his hands. "So, like; what about you? Have you always made horrible noises?" he asked.Karen huffed, but then she saw the oblivious earnestness in Holland's face and sighed. "No; I wasn't always; like this. In fact, until about 30 years ago, I made beautiful noises. I was a pianist," she said."But, wait, they said you were a female;” Holland said, confused."Pee, an, ist," Karen repeated slowly. "I played the piano. It's an instrument; I was a musician. I was a student at Juilliard. It's a school on Earth; it was like a dream to even get in. I was on a scholarship, living in this shoddy apartment with my roommate Dana;” she trailed off, thinking about those days when everything seemed possible."Wait! Are you remembering?" Holland asked, breaking her reverie. "Can I remember it, too? Nobody wants to remember with me ever since the Zendayans, so I'm just left with my own memories and it gets so boring.""What are you talking about?""Well, it's kinda like; um; let me just show you. Computer, scan The Karen and project her memories," Holland ordered. A humming noise filled the room and a beam of light shot out of the wall and passed over her several times. Suddenly, her cell transformed into her shoddy apartment in Newark, New Jersey."Oh my gosh; it's just like it," Karen gasped looking around."Humans dream of getting into this?" Holland said, scrutinizing a cockroach scurrying along the floor."No, silly. This was our apartment across the river. We lived here when we weren't at school. Dana and I moved off campus in our second year. We took jobs on the side through an agency. That was when;” she sat down and a phone in the apartment's bedroom began ringing.A long, pale arm reached out of a pile of blankets on the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hullo?" Dana mumbled. A voice on the phone sounded irate. "Yeah, I'm almost there," she said and hung up.

Send us a textMinecraft: The Movie had all the ingredients for disaster - a video game with no story, a director known for divisive comedies, and the challenge of bringing blocky visuals to life. Yet somehow, this cubic adventure emerges as one of the most genuinely entertaining family films of the year.Jack Black brings manic energy as Steve, a doorknob salesman who discovers a portal to the Minecraft world and builds his own cubic paradise. When the evil Malgosia (played with delightful villainy) threatens to conquer this realm, Steve teams up with Garrett (Jason Momoa in what might be his most enjoyable role yet), a washed-up gamer who stumbles upon a mysterious artifact. What makes Minecraft work isn't its plot - which is paper-thin - but its commitment to embracing absurdity with open arms. Night comes every twenty minutes, characters craft elaborate structures with a single bang on a table, and physics operates on game logic rather than reality. Director Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite) fills every frame with visual gags and references that will delight fans without alienating newcomers.The film's standout moments include a flying sequence where Momoa instructs Black to "let my hips be your guide" while soaring through canyons, a wrestling match featuring the rare "chicken jockey" enemy, and perhaps the funniest villain death scene in recent memory involving multiple hidden knives. Jennifer Coolidge provides perfect comedic relief as a recently divorced school administrator who falls for one of the blocky villagers, believing his inability to speak means "he's Swedish."Unlike many video game adaptations that struggle with their source material, Minecraft leans fully into what makes the game special - creativity, discovery, and the joy of building something from nothing. It's a rollercoaster ride that prioritizes fun over logic, and it's all the better for it.Have you played Minecraft or watched the film? We'd love to hear your thoughts! Subscribe to the podcast for more discussions about surprising cinematic adventures that defy expectations.Written Lovingly by AIBe our friend!Dan: @shakybaconTony: @tonydczechAnd follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT

In this episode of Geek Freaks Headlines, we break down the major casting news for the upcoming Street Fighter live-action movie. With Andrew Koji (Bullet Train), Noah Centineo (Warfare), Roman Reigns (Hobbs & Shaw), and Jason Momoa (Minecraft, Aquaman) all reportedly in talks to star, the reboot is already generating buzz. We also discuss the directorial shift to Bad Trip's Kitao Sakurai and what kind of tone fans can expect from this latest adaptation of the Capcom classic. Plus, who might be playing Blanca?Timestamps and Topics:00:00 Big names join the new Street Fighter movie00:10 Andrew Koji, Noah Centineo, Roman Reigns, and Jason Momoa00:20 Director update: Kitao Sakurai replaces Philippou brothers00:30 Hopes for a grounded take vs. a comedy angle00:46 Who could play Blanca? Fan speculation00:59 Final thoughts and character predictionsKey Takeaways:Street Fighter live-action movie has a promising cast with strong action credentials.Kitao Sakurai's direction could signal a bold tonal shift, potentially leaning into humor.No characters confirmed yet, but speculation is heating up—especially around Blanca.This adaptation may aim to stand apart from the more serious tone of Mortal Kombat films.Roman Reigns as Blanca could be a standout choice based on presence and physicality.Memorable Quotes:“When you've got Jason Momoa on screen, what are you going to do? You're going to have to break up some jokes.”“Roman Reigns would probably make a solid Blanca… I think that would be pretty cool.”Call to Action:Enjoying Geek Freaks Headlines? Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode using #GeekFreaksPodcast. Your support helps us bring you the latest news from geek culture every week.Links and Resources:Stay up to date with all our news coverage at: https://GeekFreaksPodcast.comFollow Us:Instagram: @geekfreakspodcastTwitter: @geekfreakspodThreads: @geekfreakspodcastFacebook: facebook.com/thegeekfreakspodcastListener Questions:Have thoughts on who should play Ryu, Chun-Li, or Guile? Send us your picks or questions for the next Headlines episode—we might feature them on air!Apple Podcast Tags:Street Fighter, Jason Momoa, Andrew Koji, Roman Reigns, Noah Centineo, Capcom, video game movies, Geek Freaks Headlines, geek culture news, movie casting, fighting games

On this week's episode, the hosts delve into an exciting discussion centered around Jason Momoa's latest project, titled Chief of War. This highly anticipated series promises to showcase Momoa's dynamic acting abilities and is set against a backdrop that explores themes of power and conflict in a historical context. The conversation naturally transitions into a brief yet engaging discussion about Momoa's previous series, See, which captivated audiences with its unique premise of a post-apocalyptic world where humanity has lost the ability to see. The show's innovative storytelling and impressive performances left a lasting impression, making it a topic of interest as they reflect on Momoa's impressive range as an actor.Following this, the episode shifts gears to cover the upcoming documentary titled Stranger Things: The First Shadow, which is set to premiere on Netflix. This documentary promises to provide fans with an in-depth look at the production process of the beloved series, offering behind-the-scenes insights and interviews with the cast and crew that brought the supernatural world of Hawkins, Indiana, to life. The hosts express their excitement about learning more about the creative decisions and challenges faced during the making of the series, as well as how it has impacted pop culture since its debut.Joe then brings up the thrilling event of Battle Bots taking place in Las Vegas, where robotic engineering meets competitive sport in an electrifying showdown. The hosts discuss the evolution of Battle Bots, highlighting the creativity and ingenuity that goes into designing these machines. They touch on the fanbase that has grown around the event, celebrating the engineering marvels and the fierce competition that captivates audiences both in-person and online.As the conversation unfolds, there is an intriguing discussion about Jason Momoa's portrayal of Lobo in the upcoming Supergirl movie. The hosts speculate on how Momoa's unique interpretation of this iconic character will resonate with fans of the DC universe. They also touch upon the cast of the highly anticipated Avengers: Doomsday project, who have been discussing the intense secrecy surrounding the film. The mystery surrounding plot details and character arcs has fans buzzing with theories and excitement, and the hosts share their own predictions about what this could mean for the future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.Cody then poses a thought-provoking question to Joe, inquiring whether he has ever delved into Thomas Harris' Hannibal series. This question leads to an engaging exchange about the psychological depth of Harris' characters and the chilling narratives woven throughout the series. Joe takes this opportunity to recommend a video podcast available on YouTube called Casual Criminalist, which explores true crime stories and the psychology behind criminal behavior, drawing parallels to the themes found in Harris' work.In response, Cody shares his own insights about Anthony E. Zuiker's innovative series Level 26, which merges storytelling with interactive elements, creating a unique viewing experience for audiences. This leads to a broader discussion about the evolution of storytelling in the digital age and how various media formats are pushing the boundaries of traditional narratives.To wrap up their engaging conversation, Cody shares his recent experience of finishing the latest novel by Jon Scalzi, titled When the Moon Hits Your Eye. He expresses his enthusiasm for Scalzi's distinctive writing style and the imaginative worlds he creates, inviting Joe to share his thoughts on the book. The episode concludes with a lively exchange about their favorite authors and the impact of science fiction on their personal reading journeys, leaving listeners eager for the next episode and the wealth of topics yet to be explored.Official Website: https://www.comesnaturallypodcast.comOfficial Merchandise: https://shop.spreadshirt.com/comes-naturally-podcast/iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/kqkgackFacebook: http://tinyurl.com/myovgm8Tumblr: http://tinyurl.com/m7a6mg9Twitter: @ComesNaturalPodYouTube: http://tiny.cc/5snxpy

PeterNiklas joinar Jonas i veckans poddavsnitt som fokuserar en hel del på Star Wars så hör efter Celebration, men även en hel del andra nördigheter! Dels så pratar Kjellin om Daredevil: Born Again som nyligen rundade av sin första säsong, en naturlig uppföljare till Netflix-serien men ändå med en nystart i MCU-anda. Dessutom har han sett de tre första avsnitten av andra säsongen av Andor som fortsätter att leverera toppklass i en galax långt, långt borta.  Sen har han dessutom sett A Minecraft Movie med Jack Black, Momoa mfl. men är inte lilla lyrisk där, men the kids love it! Chicken Jockey och allt! Sist ut får bröderna Berglöf ge en sista Hjulstakrönika för denna gång då sista avsnittet på säsong tre avhandlas. Frågan är om det blir en fjärde säsong och fortsättning. Hoppas det då serien Wheel of Time nu verkat hitta sin form och börjat leverera! That's all folks! Varsågod och Förlåt, Puss Hej!

In this "epic" episode, Stuart and Jacob venture into the iconic world of "Conan the Barbarian," comparing the original 1982 Schwarzenegger film with the 2011 Momoa remake. They dissect the themes of revenge, identity, and barbarian culture... oh who are we kidding? They complain about the set dressings and color and acting on display, this isn't necessarily a high-brow show after all. But what makes the original a classic piece of sword and sandals cinema, and how does the remake falter in its execution? THAT is the purpose of this show. All this and more on They Remade It!Also featured in this episode are thoughts on "Black Bag", discussions on when a story becomes too complicated, ruminations on interesting landscapes versus bland ones, and Gilbert Gottfried as Conan?! All this and more on They Remade It!Plot Synopsis Timestamps: 24:18 - 34:29----------Socials----------@theyremadeit.bsky.social on BlueSkytheyremadeit@gmail.com

We present our review of A Minecraft Movie (2025)! A Minecraft Movie is a 2025 fantasy adventure comedy film based on the 2011 video game Minecraft by Mojang Studios. It was directed by Jared Hess and written by Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer, Neil Widener, Gavin James, and Chris Galletta, from a story by Allison Schroeder, Bowman, and Palmer. The film stars Jason Momoa, Jack Black, Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers, and Sebastian Hansen. In the film, four misfits are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve.Plans for a Minecraft film adaptation originated in 2014, when game creator Markus Persson revealed that Mojang was in talks with Warner Bros. Pictures to develop the project. Throughout its development, A Minecraft Movie shifted between several directors, producers, and story drafts. By 2022, Legendary Entertainment became involved, and Hess was hired as director with Momoa in talks to star. Further casting took place from May 2023 to January 2024. Principal photography began later that month in New Zealand and concluded in April 2024. Mark Mothersbaugh composed the score, and Sony Pictures Imageworks, Wētā FX, and Digital Domain provided the films visual effects.A Minecraft Movie had its world premiere at Empire, Leicester Square in London on March 30, 2025, and was theatrically released in the United States on April 4. The film received mixed reviews from critics, who praised the performances of the cast, though some were divided on its plot and faithfulness to the source material. It has grossed $317.7 million worldwide against a budget of $150 million, becoming the fourth-highest-grossing film of 2025.Disclaimer: The following may contain offensive language, adult humor, and/or content that some viewers may find offensive – The views and opinions expressed by any one speaker does not explicitly or necessarily reflect or represent those of Mark Radulich or W2M Network.Mark Radulich and his wacky podcast on all the things:https://linktr.ee/markkind76alsohttps://www.teepublic.com/user/radulich-in-broadcasting-networkFB Messenger: Mark Radulich LCSWTiktok: @markradulichtwitter: @MarkRadulichInstagram: markkind76RIBN Album Playlist: https://suno.com/playlist/91d704c9-d1ea-45a0-9ffe-5069497bad59

Ronald Young Jr. reviews A Minecraft Movie RYJ ponders the cost of having five writers mine IP to craft a 3D film that nobody asked forRYJ -  0 of 5 stars Follow me on IG, TikTok, Threads, Bluesky, and Letterbxd - @ohitsbigronAvailable in theatersStarring Jason Momoa, Jack Black, Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers, and Sebastian HansenWritten by Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer, Neil Widener, Gavin James, and Chris GalletaDirected by Jared HessFor more information about A Minecraft Movie, check out this linkSupport Leaving the Theater on Patreon using this link

A Minecraft Movie is a 2025 American fantasy adventure comedy film based on the 2011 video game Minecraft by Mojang Studios. It was directed by Jared Hess and written by Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer, Neil Widener, Gavin James, and Chris Galletta, from a story by Allison Schroeder, Bowman, and Palmer. The film stars Jason Momoa, Jack Black, Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers, and Sebastian Hansen. In the film, four misfits are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve.Plans for a Minecraft film adaptation originated in 2014, when game creator Markus Persson revealed that Mojang was in talks with Warner Bros. Pictures to develop the project. Throughout its development, A Minecraft Movie shifted between several directors, producers, and story drafts. By 2022, Legendary Entertainment became involved, and Hess was hired as director with Momoa in talks to star. Further casting took place from May 2023 to January 2024. Principal photography began later that month in New Zealand and concluded in April 2024. Mark Mothersbaugh composed the score, and Sony Pictures Imageworks, Wētā FX, and Digital Domain provided the films visual effects.A Minecraft Movie had its world premiere at Empire, Leicester Square in London on March 30, 2025, and was theatrically released in the United States on April 4. The film received mixed reviews from critics, who praised the performances of the cast, though some were divided on its plot and faithfulness to the source material. It has grossed $301 million worldwide against a budget of $150 million, becoming the fourth-highest-grossing film of 2025.

Cuatro personajes, algo inadaptados en su vida diaria, deben echar mano a su creatividad para sobrevivir en un mundo de fantasía y rescatar a un creador experto en esta nueva tierra. La adaptación audiovisual del videojuego “Minecraft” aprovecha las virtudes del software y la ausencia de trama o personaje principal para crear una historia que busca entretener, especialmente a quienes son asiduos a este juego. Jack Black y Jason Momoa destacan en un reparto dirigido por Jared Hess (“Napoleon Dynamite”, “Nacho Libre”). Ya disponible en salas de cine.

En este episodio platicamos sobre la nueva cinta de Minecraft, sobre la serie The Studio, y sobre el final de temporada de White Lotus..Conduce: Fausto Ponce Colaboradoes: Carlos Andrés Mendiola, Daniel Villamil. Asistente de producción: Sam Bravo. Conviértete en un seguidor de este podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/permanencia-involuntaria--2789464/support.

pWotD Episode 2894: A Minecraft Movie Welcome to Popular Wiki of the Day, spotlighting Wikipedia's most visited pages, giving you a peek into what the world is curious about today.With 297,355 views on Friday, 4 April 2025 our article of the day is A Minecraft Movie.A Minecraft Movie is a 2025 American fantasy adventure comedy film based on the 2011 video game Minecraft by Mojang Studios. It was directed by Jared Hess and written by Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer, Neil Widener, Gavin James, and Chris Galletta, from a story by Allison Schroeder, Bowman, and Palmer. The film stars Jason Momoa, Jack Black, Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers, and Sebastian Hansen. In the film, four misfits are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve.Plans for a Minecraft film adaptation were announced in February 2014 when creator Markus Persson revealed that Mojang was in talks with Warner Bros. Pictures to develop the project, with Roy Lee and Jill Messick producing. During development, filmmakers Shawn Levy, Rob McElhenney, and Peter Sollett, were initially hired to direct, while writers Kieran and Michele Mulroney, Jason Fuchs, Aaron and Adam Nee, and Allison Schroeder, were attached. In April 2022, Legendary Entertainment became involved, with Hess hired as the new director and Momoa in talks to star. Further casting took place from May 2023 to January 2024. Principal photography began later that month in New Zealand and concluded in mid-April 2024.A Minecraft Movie had its world premiere at Empire, Leicester Square in London, United Kingdom, on March 30, 2025, and was theatrically released in the United States on April 4, 2025. The film received mixed reviews from critics and has grossed $10.6 million worldwide against a budget of $150 million.This recording reflects the Wikipedia text as of 02:01 UTC on Saturday, 5 April 2025.For the full current version of the article, see A Minecraft Movie on Wikipedia.This podcast uses content from Wikipedia under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.Visit our archives at wikioftheday.com and subscribe to stay updated on new episodes.Follow us on Mastodon at @wikioftheday@masto.ai.Also check out Curmudgeon's Corner, a current events podcast.Until next time, I'm generative Kajal.

Travis Hopson reviews A MINECRAFT MOVIE starring Jack Black, Jason Momoa, and more as the popular video game comes to life on the big screen.A MINECRAFT MOVIE is in theaters now.All of this and more can be found at www.punchdrunkcritics.com!Subscribe to Punch Drunk Critics on YouTube:    / @punchdrunkcritics1  Follow Punch Drunk Critics on Twitter:   / pdcmovies  Follow Punch Drunk Critics on Facebook:   / pdcmovies  You can also subscribe to our podcast Cinema Royale anywhere you get your podcasts!#aminecraftmovie #Minecraft #jasonmomoa

In this short but explosive Geek Freaks Headlines, we dive into a major spoiler revealed by Jason Momoa about the upcoming Dune Part 3. If you've read Dune Messiah, you might've seen this coming—but now it's confirmed: Duncan Idaho is back! We talk about what this means for the franchise, how Momoa's loose lips compare to other spoiler-prone stars like Mark Ruffalo, and why this news has Dune fans buzzing.Don't worry—we start with a spoiler warning. But if you're a lore-lover or looking forward to Dune 3, this episode is packed with just the spice you need.⏱️ Timestamps:00:00 – Spoiler warning for Dune 300:04 – Jason Momoa confirms Duncan Idaho's return00:15 – How Idaho died and his book resurrection00:25 – Momoa's history of leaking spoilers00:31 – Comparison to Mark Ruffalo's spoiler antics00:40 – Wrap-up and preview of the next Geek Freaks Podcast✅ Key Takeaways:Jason Momoa confirms Duncan Idaho will return in Dune 3, aligning with Dune Messiah lore.Idaho's death in Dune Part 1 left fans wondering if his book arc would be adapted—now we know!Momoa might be following in the footsteps of notorious spoiler-leaker Mark Ruffalo.The news gives fans even more reason to be hyped for the next installment in the Dune saga.

The guys spiral into chaos over the wildest tangents yet! Jeff's baffled, admitting he has no clue who Jason Momoa is—#MomoaMystery—while Jeremy confuses Aquaman with Avatar (#AquamanAvatarMixup). Things get heated when Selena Gomez's voice enters the chat—could it be the most grating sound ever?—and Jeff declares pancakes are trash compared to waffles (#WaffleSupremacy). Expect unhinged rants, and a debate so absurd it'll leave you questioning their sanity.

Vítejte v roce 2025. Začínáme Sólo epizodou. Už půl roku žádná nevyšla. Podcastu se v minulém roce dařilo a přibyla spousta posluchačů. To nás moc těší. Takže jedeme dál a… The post Sólo Leden 2025 – Law, Nolan, Stan, Momoa a další first appeared on Filmový PODCAST.

Welcome to Multiverse News, Your source for Information about all your favorite fictional universes Last week, The Hollywood Reporter broke the news that Jason Momoa, the actor who famously played the title role in the billion-dollar grossing Aquaman film, has signed on to portray the character Lobo in the upcoming DC Studios film, Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow. Momoa, no stranger to Warner Bros or DC, has long been campaigning for the role of the intergalactic biker bounty hunter who first debuted in comics in 1983. Elsewhere, filmmaker Matt Reeves, broke his silence on The Batman II delay situation while attending the Golden Globes this weekend, saying, “I can tell you that we'll be shooting this year. We're doing something where the story continues from, but I hope that people will be surprised by.” During a recent interview with GQ, Andrew Garfield, the Amazing Spider-Man himself, dispelled rumors that he has signed on to reprise his role in the upcoming fourth Marvel Studios' Tom Holland-led Spider-Man film. Ever self-aware, the actor acknowledged the weight his objections hold, given his track record, having been in the exact situation prior to No Way Home's release, saying, “I'm gonna disappoint you - Yeah, no. But I know no one's gonna trust anything I say from now on.”  We might be light on Marvel news this week, but Sunday evening's 82nd Golden Globes Awards ceremony saw many an MCU friend and foe in attendance. Kathryn Hahn was nominated for her role in Agatha All Along, Sebastian Stan was twice nominated and won once, and Captain America Brave New World stars, Anthony Mackie and Harrison Ford took the stage to present an award, as did MCU alumni Michelle Yeoh and Jeff Goldblum. Now that you got your Marvel fix, let's talk about some winners and snubs: on the TV side of things, the winners circle featured usual suspects – FX's Shogun and The Bear, still being awarded as a comedy despite the protests, Max's Hacks, and newcomer Baby Reindeer from Netflix snagging a couple of wins. Also worthy of note: Colin Farrell, narrowly avoiding a snub, took home the sole award for HBO's The Penguin. Netflix and A24 ruled the evening as far as film is concerned, with Emilia Perez and The Brutalist being highly awarded, although Wicked refused to be relegated to the sidelines, taking home the Cinematic and Box Office Achievement Award. Disney's Mufasa: The Lion King led the first weekend of the new year with $23.8 million domestically, reaching $476.4 million globally. Sonic the Hedgehog 3 followed closely with $21.2 million in the U.S. and a worldwide total of $336.3 million. Tom Holland and Zendaya are engaged – as revealed by the ring she wore during the Golden Globes Red Carpet Peacock is developing a film reboot of the 2011 NBC series Grimm, with Drop Dead Diva creator Josh Berman writing and executive producing alongside the original show's co-creators and showrunners. HBO has released a new short teaser trailer for The Last of Us season 2 and confirmed that the series will begin streaming in April. Sony has announced a movie adaptation of Horizon Zero Dawn in collaboration with PlayStation Studios and Columbia Pictures, the studio behind 2022's Uncharted. While no release date has been set, the film will bring Guerrilla Games' post-apocalyptic adventure starring machine hunter Aloy to the big screen. Jacob Elordi is in early negotiations to replace Paul Mescal in Ridley Scott's The Dog Stars. Mark L. Smith and Christopher Wilkinson wrote the script for the 20th Century Studios film, which adapts Peter Heller's 2012 apocalyptic novel of the same name. Disney+ has greenlit a pilot for a TV series adaptation of Louis Sachar's beloved novel "Holes." The project follows in the footsteps of Disney's 2003 film version of the book, though no further details about the potential series have been revealed yet.

SupermanSuperman IMDB's #1 Most Anticipated Movie of 2025Supergirl: Woman of TomorrowJason Momoa is Officially LoboFormer Deadpool Director Volunteers for DC's Lobo Movie After Jason Momoa's CastingCreature CommandosJames Gunn's Batman Commitment Issues on Creature CommandosThick DCU Batman May Differentiate From Reeves BatmanJoin Our Riotous DC Debauch!Site: https://dconscreen.comStore: https://bit.ly/DCoStorePatreon: https://patreon.com/dconscreenApple: http://bit.ly/DCoSReviewSpotify: http://bit.ly/DCSCREENSpreaker: https://bit.ly/DCoSSpreakerEpisode Show Art by BossLogic

A new year of Geekery begins with 2 What's Going in my Mouths, a Barry Steamer and a plethora of subjects including The Return of Pocket Grimace, Eggers' Nosferatu, Obscurio, Dungeons and Dragons, Secret Level, Pixie and Torgo's Disneyland adventure, Call of Duty 6 Zombies, Minecraft's Pale Forest, Baldur's Gate 3, Kraven the Hunter, Wolfs, Borderlands movie, Hook, Lower Decks, a Labyrinth reboot, Momoa is Lobo, Emily the Strange movie, Nolan's The Odyssey, and more. So grab your Ranger Stick, it's time for a GeekShock!

Jordan and Chris discuss the latest news, Jason Momoa is back at DC but this time as Lobo in the new Supergirl movie, Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow! The bad news is The Batman Part 2 is delayed another year to 2027.  WE HAVE A DISCORD!  Join it here: https://discord.com/invite/QfDYKZSUKG Follow the Show: Email: elseworldsdcfan@gmail.com Twitter: @elseworldsdcfan Facebook: Facebook.com/elseworldsdcfan Linktr.ee/elseworldsdcfan

On the show today, The Jason Momoa Look-a-like comp was over the weekend and the winner joins the show. Dan received a dodgy secret santa gift over the weekend. Clint thinks you should never hold in farts.

Words About Dune is over. Well, mostly. This is the finale where we wrap up talking about the book series that Ben started this podcast for. This whole thing has been an excuse to force someone to read Dune so he could talk to someone about it. Good times... good times.Support the showDiscord - https://discord.gg/6BaNRtcP8CThreads - https://www.threads.net/@wordsaboutbookspodcastInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/wordsaboutbookspodcastBlog - https://blog.wordsaboutbooks.ninja/Buy the Books - https://bookshop.org/shop/wabpod

Terri describes her experience at the Oof Tatata concert and the fascinating dynamics of 50 year old women and 20 something girls vying for the attention of the band's bassist Jason Momoa, former husband of Terri's idol Lisa Bonet --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/terri079/support

We have meth rental cars and magarita assaults to kick of fthe show in the Ill-Advised News. Cass updates us on how things are going in her attempt to reconnect with her brother, we hear the audio from the snail games, and Anthony finds a cool dating app. We play the Glorious TV Sons game, hear about the way teenage Cass quit her job but didn't realize it, and search for the green power ranger in the Ill-Advised News. We hear how Tiffay Haddish paid the bills back in the day, which inspires Anthony aka Great Value Jason Momoa to come up with a new scheme. We round out the day with a second round of the popular new game “Sex move or Olympic move”.  Support the show and follow us here Twitter, Insta, Apple, Amazon, Spotify and the Edge! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of PhotoWork with Sasha Wolf, Sasha interviews photographer Todd Hido about his latest book, "The End Sends Advance Warning," published by Nazraeli Press. They explore how the book defies its title, focusing instead on themes of hope and beauty. Additionally, they discuss the creation of Todd's recent survey show at Casemore Gallery, which is the most extensive presentation of his work to date. Despite being a returning guest, Todd shares fresh insights about his mentors and his deep passion for photography, and he announces a new book towards the end of the episode. http://www.toddhido.com | https://www.nazraeli.com/complete-catalogue/the-end-sends-advance-warning | https://casemoregallery.com/exhibitions/56-todd-hido-some-polar-expiation-an-enormous-cat-a-complete/overview/ Todd Hido (born in Kent, Ohio, 1968) wanders endlessly, taking lengthy road trips in search of imagery that connects with his own memories. Through his unique landscape process and signature color palette, Hido alludes to the quiet and mysterious side of suburban America—where uniform communities provide for a stable façade—implying the instability that often lies behind the walls. His photographs are in over 50 private and public collections around the world, including the Getty, Whitney Museum of American Art, and San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Pier 24 Photography holds the archive of all of his published works. Hido has published more than a dozen books, including the award-winning monographs House Hunting(2001) and Excerpts from Silver Meadows (2013). His Aperture titles include Todd Hido on Landscapes, Interiors, and the Nude (2014) and Intimate Distance: Twenty-Five Years of Photographs (2016). He returned to the cinematic landscape photography that he first explored with Roaming (2003) with Bright Black World(2018), and followed it up with The End Sends Advance Warning (2024). Hido is also an avid photobook collector, and in the last 30 years has created a notable collection of over 8,500 titles. His work has influenced multiple Hollywood productions, such as Spike Jones's Her, Sam Levinson's Euphoria, Issa López's True Detective: Night Country, and the upcoming directorial project by Jason Momoa, Chief of War. He is also one of the subjects of Momoa's documentary project on creative makers, On The Roam. This podcast is sponsored by picturehouse + thesmalldarkroom. https://phtsdr.com

Kellie and Allen had one of the coolest experiences of their married life so far…..they met Jason Freakin' Momoa! Hear all about Jason's new Meile vodka, their uncomfortably long conversation and the lewd jokes that apparently flew right over Kellie's head.Last podcast, Allen was brought to tears over Red Lobster's letter announcing their bankruptcy. This podcast, he's devastated over the death of one of his sports heroes, former Dallas Cowboy Larry Allen.In listener mail, Kellie is asked if she thinks Kidd would've approved of Allen, and she gives a VERY honest answer. Another listener adds to Allen's list of social media annoyances, and we have a followup from a new Allen fan who can't seem to stop using Allen's sayings in his every day life.Should Kellie start a THIRD podcast discussing all things Real Housewives of Bravo?And if you're looking for another game to play on your phone, hear about Kellie's latest obsession. You'll either thank her or curse her for it later…To Watch the Episode follow the link. https://www.youtube.com/@ASandwichandSomeLovin

Welcome back to Not A Bomb! This is the podcast where we dive into some of cinema's biggest box office failures and explore whether they deserve a second chance.Today, we celebrate four years of bad impressions, terrible jokes, and questionable movie opinions. We couldn't be more excited to invite Sammy from the GGTMC, who was one of the podcast's biggest inspirations.Grab your broadsword and slip into your sandals! Not A Bomb is launching "Sword and Sandals" month with the 2011 reboot, Conan the Barbarian. Throughout the episode, we can't help but gush over Jason Momoa and his impressive physique…oh…and those two honey-baked hams on his backside. Seriously, it's time well spent! When we're not admiring Momoa, we delve into whether this often-overlooked entry in the Conan saga deserves all of the bad reviews and lackluster fanfare. Spoiler alert: our verdict on this film might surprise you!Conan the Barbarian (2011) is directed by Marcus Nispel and stars Jason Momoa, Rachel Nichols, Stephen Lang, Rose McGowan, Said Taghmaoui, Leo Howard, Bob Sapp, and Ron Perlman.Not A Bomb just launched new designs in our Merch store! Head over to the Not A Bomb Tee Public store and check them out. Special thanks to Ted Blair for the amazing designs!We value your feedback and suggestions. If you have a cinematic flop you'd like us to discuss, please reach out to us at NotABombPod@gmail.com or through our contact page. Your reviews and feedback are what keep us going. If you enjoy our content, consider leaving a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.If you want to hear more of Sammy, subscribe to the Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema and leave them a review. Cast: Brad, Troy, Sammy

The Fall Guy Is a 2024 Action Romantic Comedy directed by David Leitch. This is the story of Colt Seavers, played by Ryan Gosling. Colt is a Hollywood stuntman for A-list actor Tom Ryder played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Colt ends up in a romantic relationship with a camera operator on the set of Tom's movies, Jodie played by Emily Blunt however, after a freak stunt accident gone wrong on the set of said movie Colt spirals into a pit of self doubt, he leaves his old world of stunt acting behind him… until he is thrust back into this world, when Tom Ryder goes missing on the set of a movie that Jodie is now directing.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome back! Let's get ready to get gracious! We've been doing cleaning and it's putting a fine polish on our mental health. Nick starts naming names, just count how many people you don't know that he namechecks, including SOME both first and last names because, OH BOY, does he have boundary issues! An off-hand mention of a weird game leads to a discussion of the Merits of Momoa and, while we express gratitude, the Demerits of Glitter. Plus gardening talk! Our art is by @ManOverMars and our intro and outro music is Dansez by the band Fasions. We're a proud member of the Night of the Living Geeks network of podcasts, feel free to donate to them at patreon.com/notlg. You can find Nick and Classi on Twitter and Instagram, @WeHaveSnacks and @ClassiGetsSassi on both platforms.

Mal to byť Momoa, je to Frodo. Aký bol tvoj prvý dojem, keď si stretla súčasného partnera/ku? Osudové stretnutia s mužmi s oranžovými taškami a líščou šeďou na vlasoch. Tie momenty, keď sa zamilujeme do niekoho úplne iného, ako sme plánovali. Vaše príbehy, ktoré dokazujú, že netreba dať vždy na prvý dojem. Supermuži stále existujú, ale aj tak  pre istotu „hormón z hrušky dole“. NEXT?  LATEXOVÉ SLIPKY  https://open.spotify.com/episode/1cw2UPCQuQvEIrfftQtPFl?si=-MGb7jDoTcirzLRcbksaIA   Klimatizácie do bytu aj do domu  https://www.zse.sk/produkty/klimatizacie  ZLATÝ BAŽANT - hrdý partner slovenského hokeja  http://www.sutaz.zlatybazant.sk  Nezabudni piť s rozumom a len od 18 rokov.  Podcasty by ZAPO môžeš počúvať už aj na Youtube a nezabudni nám dať odber  https://www.youtube.com/@ZAPOTV   Produkcia @jauuu_ps_tobolelo by ZAPO @zapoofficial 

Arnie's Surgery  Hayley's License  Top 6: Dangerous Sounding Things  Silly Little Poll!  Hedgehogs  Hayley & Momoa  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On the FM broadcast today, Is Monogamy, Penis or Genius? We find out who's responsible for putting rats in the Dunedin South Countdown store, and why do people hate the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame so much....See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  The guys discuss their video game playing past and give updates on some film release dates in Episode 139 of SOG.  Plus, Momoa teases Lobo, Lundgren talks Aquaman 2,  Gunn gives insight on Creature Commandos, and after saying he wasn't gonna talk about it anymore, David Ayer talks his cut of Suicide Squad.     Also the guys discuss the trailer for The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live and give their NFL picks!

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Hayley spills the beans on her On-Air Highlight of 2023, surprise surprise it's Momoa related!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ronald Young Jr. reviews Aquaman and The Lost Kingdom…RYJ recalls that Amber Heard was supposed to have a smaller role in this film. It felt adequate to me. I hope she got a bag.RYJ - 1 of 5 starsFollow me on IG, Threads,Twitter, and TikTok - @ohitsbigronAvailable in Theaters and probably eventually on MaxStarring Jason Momoa, Patrick Wilson, Amber Heard, Yahya Abdul-Mateen, and Nicole KidmanWritten by David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrickDirected by James WanFor more information about Aquaman and The Lost Kingdom check out this linkSupport Leaving the Theater on Patreon using this link

The end of the DCEU is here and it ends with a sequel to the Billion dollar film Aqauman. Can James Wan and Momoa deliver another over the top adventure with Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom? Lets find out.

Sometimes it's a topic from the Fake Nerd Podcast, sometimes we need the room to discuss films on their own. Either way, they end up here in the Fake Nerd Cine-Files!An excerpt from Ep. 123 of the Fake Nerd Podcast, this is just our review of Aquaman - written by David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick and Will Beall, directed by James Wan.Ryan, Sparkz, Ben, and Brandon came together in 2018 on the podcast to give their fresh takes on Aquaman, the first solo outing for Momoa's character in the DCEU. You can listen to their first impressions here thanks to the Fake Nerd Archive! Fake Nerd Podcast is an audio podcast where we offer a more positive take on pop culture with news, reviews and interviews from the likes of Marc Guggenheim and Andrea Romano. Find us at ITunes, Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, and wherever else you listen to podcasts. linktr.ee/FakeNerdhttp://www.fakenerdpodcast.com/https://twitter.com/FakeNerdPodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/fakenerdpodcast/https://www.facebook.com/fakenerdpodcast/FakeNerdGuys@gmail.comPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/fakenerdpodcastTeepublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/fakenerdpod ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

This week, we discuss stupid internet drama, Jonathan Majors out of the MCU, Momoa on the future of Aquaman, Superman: Legacy updates, Grant Morrison's DCEU, and other comic media news bites. Starring Ryan Higgins, Brock Sager, Kevin Sharp, Toby Sidler, and Lane Terasaki.

We say goodbye to Phyllis Coates and Keith Giffen, Take a look at that Momoa/Heard Horse Hockey, catch up with James Gunn on Superman Legacy and Peacemaker and find out how well My Adventures With Superman is doing... Dave is joined this episode by Frank MaGuire of Meanwhile Back on the Podcast.Phyllis Coates, Star of Adventures of Superman and TV's First Lois Lane, Dies at 96Keith Giffen, Rocket Raccoon and Lobo Co-Creator, Dies at 70Aquaman 2 Drama Emerges From the DepthsJames Gunn Confirms Legacy Will Film "All Over the World"Gunn Teases More Casting Announcements With a CatchMost Future DC Projects Will Be Shot in LondonPeacemaker Update (New DCU Will Be Addressed In-Universe)One DC Character Not Appearing in Season 2Join our riotous DC debauchSite: https://dconscreen.comStore: https://bit.ly/DCoStorePatreon: https://patreon.com/dconscreenApple: http://bit.ly/DCoSReviewSpotify: http://bit.ly/DCSCREENSpreaker: https://bit.ly/DCoSSpreaker"Full On" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ Adventures with Superman Is a Big Hit for Adult SwimThis show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at https://www.spreaker.com/show/3414609/advertisement

PATREON: Become a Patron!: https://www.patreon.com/TheBigThingShow Loki Season 2 just dropped episode 2 and how was it? Better than first? Not as good? Does it begin to connect the dots? We do a full SPOILER breakdown of the latest MCU show starring Tom Hiddelston. We also cover the latest with the Aquaman 2 drama. The he said she said with Amber Heard and the studio, accusations of Jason Momoa being drunk on set and dressing like Johnny Depp. Speaking of Momoa, he is also heavily rumored to be playing Lobo in the new DCU. This and much more on Capes and Cowls with Kristian Harloff, Winston A. Marshall and Coy Jandreau. #marvel #MCU #loki #reaction #review #DC #DCU #jasonmomoa #amberheard #lobo #aquaman

PATREON: Become a Patron!: https://www.patreon.com/TheBigThingShow Major drama going on in the world of Aquaman 2. Not only are the test screenings not going well, tons of reshoots and the end of the DCEU, new drama that Amber Heard had issues on set, accused Momoa of being drunk on set and said James Wan wanted her fired. ALSO Elon Mush intervened when they were dating to make sure she wasn't canned? Speaking of the DCEU, it looks like all of the major players from that regime will indeed be done with their roles for good once Aquaman 2 has concluded. This and SO much more on this episode of Big Thihg with special guest Jenn Sterger as she joins Kristian and Brett to talk about it all. #dc #dcu #dceu #aquaman #amberheard #drama #taylorswift 

This week The President of Mar-A-Lago and Tech Stuff Guy discuss the Iowa State Fair, DeSuckAss, Georgia Grand Jury, Pence, Obama, Will Hurd, Jason Momoa, and more. We are also sponsored by Go to Fanduel.com/Boston - Because right now, when you bet on a Super Bowl Winner, you can GET BONUS BETS EVERY TIME THEY WIN IN THE REGULAR SEASON! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In episode 1528, Jack and Miles are joined by writer, director, and stand-up comedian, Marcella Arguello, to discuss... HEY F**K FACE GET HORNY FOR BIDENOMICS!!! AI Starting to Look Like a Bubble? Also Starting to Look Like It Has a Soul? New Pill is Bad News… For Cancer! The News Really Needs To Stop Hyping Shark “Attacks” and more! HEY F**K FACE GET HORNY FOR BIDENOMICS!!! AI Starting to Look Like a Bubble? Also Starting to Look Like It Has a Soul? This Book of Poetry Written by AI Should Scare the Hell Out of You New Pill is Bad News… For Cancer! 'Cancer-killing pill' that appears to 'annihilate' solid tumours is now being tested on humans The News Really Needs To Stop Hyping Shark “Attacks” Junkie ‘Cocaine Sharks' are strung out and ‘tweaked' in Florida: expert Girl attacked twice by shark: ‘I could see blood dripping down her leg' Is your ‘yum-yum' swimwear attracting hungry sharks? Rash of shark attacks reported in New York over July 4 weekend Don't Call Them ‘Shark Attacks,' Scientists Say New York's shark-infested waters are a good thing. Yes, really. New York to deploy shark-monitoring drones to beaches following reported attacks How the Media Stokes Needless Fears About Sharks Feeding frenzy: public accuse the media of deliberately fuelling shark fear Shark Week Hosted by Jason Momoa Results in Highest Rating in Years Discovery Channel's ‘Shark Week' Is Packed With Misinformation and Junk Science LISTEN: Tell Me by RahillSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Subscribe to The John Campea Show Podcast: Spotifyhttps://open.spotify.com/show/4tNxvKxIIY8nKD9kU7nSiK Apple podcastshttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-john-campea-show-podcast/id1090600339 Stay up to date! Subscribe to the John Campea newsletter: https://thejohncampeashow.substack.com Please support the sponsors of today's show by using the links below and using our promo code where applicable for bonus deals! Mint Mobile | Wireless That’s Easy, Online, $15 Bucks A MonthGo to https://www.mintmobile.com/campea to get your new wireless plan for JUST $15 a month and get that plan shipped to your door for FREE.  MasterClass | Learn From The World’s Best MindsGo to https://www.masterclass.com/campea for 15% off an annual membership and unlimited access to EVERY class!  ExpressVPN | High-Speed, Secure & Anonymous VPN ServiceGo to https://www.expressvpn.com/campea and get three extra months free. On today's episode: 00:00   Intro02:18   MCU Namor Actor Tenoch Huerta Accused Of Sexual Assault11:26   Transformers Dethrones Spider-Verse For #123:42   Mint Mobile Question Of The Day34:18   Vin Diesel Addresses Jason Momoa Drama42:07   Netflix Controversial Password Crackdown A Huge Success50:52  Questions From Our Channel Members Become A John Campea Channel Member - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYyDbdaja1UDNdFSwUrYVGA/join 

In anticipation of 'Fast X,' we rereleased our epic Fast Friends series with Skeets, Trey, JD, and returning guest, Matty O, reviewing every movie from the 'Fast & Furious' franchise. Our final flick before the new one: 2021's 'F9: The Fast Saga' starring Vin, Cena, Charlize Theron, and others. See you next week, Momoa! Vroom, vroom! (Originally released Oct. 6, 2021)--

In anticipation of 'Fast X,' we rereleased our epic Fast Friends series with Skeets, Trey, JD, and returning guest, Matty O, reviewing every movie from the 'Fast & Furious' franchise. Our final flick before the new one: 2021's 'F9: The Fast Saga' starring Vin, Cena, Charlize Theron, and others. See you next week, Momoa! Vroom, vroom! (Originally released Oct. 6, 2021) --