Opening Weekend

3 men. 100 episodes. 247 movies.  Innumerable hand-farts.  IN A WORLD…where movie theaters closed their doors during a worldwide pandemic, three best friends decided to hop into their mental DeLoreans, go back in time to talk about movies & opening weekends from the last 40 years, and bask in the buttery glow of nostalgia.  Three and half years later they arrive at their 100th and final trip back in time…twice! First, the boys head AAALLL the way back to where it all started: early summer of 1977, and William Friedkin's Star Wars squashed thriller, SORCERER.  And then, in a space/time continuum-shaking rift, they jump forward to 2015 and the last time all three of them were in a movie theatre together, screaming their heads off like John Boyega, watching STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS. And finally, the boys raise a glass to some MORE nostalgia with the Fourth Annual Golden Sheila Awards ©.  PLUS a final visit from The Arthropod Squad and Gene Gene the Punning Machine: Mr. Shalit, himself.  ALL the feels and ALL the farts on EPISODE 100 of OPENING WEEKEND!

If adventure has a name, it must be…Opening Weekend!For their penultimate outing, the boys head back to one of their favorite movie eras ever, Summer ‘84, for a supersized episode wherein they wax on, wax off with THE KARATE KID, hit the jungles of India seeking fortune and glory with INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, beam down to the Genesis planet in STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK, and purify themselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka with PURPLE RAIN.  AND the amazing Robin Curtis (Star Trek III: The Search For Spock) joins the boys to discuss all things Saavik and the intricacies of Vulcan Pon Farr!Throw in some intense games of ‘80s Trivial Pursuit, some even more intense private lip sync concerts, and some VERY intense feelings towards Morris Day on Jason's part, and you've got an episode worthy of Kali Ma. No time for love, Dr. Jones! It's time for Episode 99 of Opening Weekend!

“If it bleeds we can kill it.” Listen, Arnie, you may be able to take down the Predator, but you CAN'T take down Gene Shalit! That ‘stache don't bleed!Yes, it's been a loooong wait, but the boys are back to warm up your fall pumpkin lattes with…hot summer movies! This week the guys hop back to Summer 1987 to revisit Jack Nicholson and THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK, Paul Verhoeven's satirical sci-fi gore-fest, ROBOCOP, Costner and crew as THE UNTOUCHABLES, and the man-meat testosterone-filled jungle that is PREDATOR. You pull a knife, Sean Connery, we pull Episode 98. THAT'S the Opening Weekend way!

“E.T. phone Zmed!”It's the summer of ‘82 and Jason, Dan, & Fred are lining up outside the movie theater to see the most anticipated movie of the year…GREASE 2! Also, there was apparently a movie about an alien called E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL that people liked, too. Jason is getting sued for Smurf copyright-infringement; Olivia Newton John is helping Dan get Physical…with himself; and Fred is stealing magic balls and slicing up fetal pigs…ya know, your typical early tween summer in the 80s. Let's bowl, let's bowl, let's rock and roll with EPISODE 97 of OPENING WEEKEND! 

Up from the depths, 30 stories high,  breathing fire, his head in the sky…GENE SHALIT?!? No, it's just the three big openers from May 22, 1998: Terry Gilliam's fever dream adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson's FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS, the Warren Beatty political satire BULWORTH, and the Roland Emmerich disaster….movie…?….GODZILLA!It's the spring of ‘98, and while Fred is playing on subway platforms to strangers, Dan is playing on stages to no one, and Jason is playing in bathrooms with EVERYONE. Beatty is rapping, Depp is ranting, and the audience for Godzilla ‘98 is retching. Roland Emmerich, you Swine! Get ready to go Gonzo for EPISODE 96 of OPENING WEEKEND!

“There was an idea, to bring together a group of three mildly remarkable nerds to see if they could become something more. So when we needed another movie podcast, they could hand-fart the Superhero songs that we never could.” Opening Weekend fans…ASSEMBLE! It's a Summer Superhero Smorgasbord as the boys head back to 2012 to revisit Andrew Garfield's take on THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, Christopher Nolan's trilogy topper, THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, and the MCU Mothership,THE AVENGERS! And if you thought Gotham had a reckoning, wait until you FINALLY hear all about Fred's failed colonoscopy in the greatest post-credits scene ever. HULK SMASH EPISODE 95 of OPENING WEEKEND!

If you're looking for something soft, round, succulent, and covered with just the right amount of fuzz, you've come to the right place! No, this isn't the new Grindr podcast, it's EPISODE 94 of OPENING WEEKEND! This week the boys head back to April 12, 1996 to revisit the David O. Russell/Ben Stiller black comedy FLIRTING WITH DISASTER and the animated film version of the Roald Dahl classic, JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH. And don't worry, there's not one single mention of Fred's failed colonoscopy!

“You're killing me, Smalls!” Spring has sprung, the bases are loaded, and Robert Redford is paying Demi Moore a million dollars to take him out to the Ball game…HEY OH!!! It's April 7th, 1993 and the boys are slidin' into home at THE SANDLOT and heading out to Vegas to make an INDECENT PROPOSAL.  As Shakespeare once wrote, “Exit pursued by Rip Taylor and a Hippo.”  We'll pay you a million dollars to listen to EPISODE 93 of OPENING WEEKEND!

“Children of the Corn? I don't remember eating Children of the Corn?” It's March 9, 1984 and while Ms. Channing picks through her poop searching for bits of Malachai, the boys will be checking in to THE HOTEL NEW HAMPSHIRE, getting fishy with SPLASH, and walkin' behind the rows with, yes, Stephen King's CHILDREN OF THE CORN. Don't hold it in anymore, Fred, ‘cus Jason and Dan are rollin' like Fonda (it'll all make sense) on Episode 92 of OPENING WEEKEND! 

And we can build this dream together, standing strong together, nothing's gonna stop Opening Weekend now! It's been a while, but the boys are back and revisiting February 13, 1987 to go OVER THE TOP with Sly Stallone and come alive like a MANNEQUIN making love to Andrew McCarthy. And they'll talk about some movies, too! As Kenny Loggins once said, “Meet me halfway, across this guy….” with a Gabe Kaplan-adjacent new episode of OPENING WEEKEND!

 This week the boys dive into May-December romances, High School regrets, and eating dog food with Nick Nolte. And then they start talking about movies! In January ‘86, Robin Williams and Kurt Russell were reminiscing about THE BEST OF TIMES, Sally Field and James Garner were engaging in MURPHY'S ROMANCE, and our good pals Nick Nolte and Richard Dreyfuss were getting DOWN AND OUT IN BEVERLY HILLS. To quote the Punky QB known as McMahon, “We're not here to start no trouble, we're just here to do the Opening Weekend Episode 90 Shuffle!”

LET IT RAIN, STILLERPALOOZA!  That's right, it's 2004 and it's all Stiller all the time! This week the boys head back to January 2004 to revisit that month's Big Ben Opener (Hey oh!), ALONG CAME POLLY, as well as two other Stiller-led movies from that same year: STARSKY & HUTCH and DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY.  Just like Patches O'Houlihan always said, “If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge Episode 89 of OPENING WEEKEND!” WHITE CHOCOLATE!

¡Feliz Na'vi-dad and Happy I-See-You Year! To ring in 2023 Jason, Dan, and Fred are heading back to December 2009 and the release of James Cameron's epic screen-saver of a blockbuster, AVATAR! And then moving from “blue” material to “material” that blew, the boys throw on their tuxes and multi-colored bow-ties for the THIRD ANNUAL GOLDEN SHEILA AWARDS! Wake up, Jake Sully, it's Episode 88 of OPENING WEEKEND!

Blow me down, it's a new disgustipatin' episode of Opening Weekend!  It's December 12, 1980 and the boys are putting down their Hoth play-sets and Rubik's Cubes to go STIR CRAZY with Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. And then Dave Itzkoff (NY Times, “Robin”) joins the boys for a deep dive into the Robin Williams/Robert Altman musical oddity POPEYE! “I'm strong to their finich ‘cus I eat my spinach, I'm EPISODE 87 of OPENING WEEKEND!”

F*** The Golden Globe nominations! It's time for the Golden Sheila Nominations!That's right folks; it's time to go back and bone up on the last 20 episodes from 2022 and vote for your favorite moments!Favorite Episode Favorite Childhood StoryBest Shalit ReviewBest Celebrity Guest Phone CallFavorite Arthropod Squad MemberAnd any other category you want to make up, because, let's face it: waxing nostalgic about a podcast about waxing nostalgic is about as strange as a fictional super fan from Sacramento who's DNA was spliced with a murder hornet having a baby with a possibly fictional Richard Dreyfuss who's DNA was spliced with a salmon and a quail and having children who are now babysat by….oh, forget it…just send in your nominations!Leave a comment, DM or email at:info@openingweekendpodcast.com

“Well, double dumb-ass on you!” This week the boys are lacing up their roller skates, heading up the Coast and slingshotting around the Sun to revisit November 26, 1986 and STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME, THE MOSQUITO COAST, and SOLARBABIES.  Power up those Dilithium crystals, ‘cus it's time to beam up Episode 86 of OPENING WEEKEND! 

“Drink your juice, Shelby.” Mermaids, Magnolias, and Murphy; that's what November 19th, 1989 was offering up at the multiplex. This week the boys take a deep dive under the sea with Disney's THE LITTLE MERMAID, hit the hair salon for STEEL MAGNOLIAS, and roll the dice with HARLEM NIGHTS. Grab your dinglehopper and get ready for Episode 85 of Opening Weekend!

“I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, a lollipop in my mouth, and the Opening Weekend podcast.” This week the boys are going back to October 31, 1997 to give you a full 13 inches of hot podcast pleasure with Paul Thomas Anderson's mega-cast porn-epic, BOOGIE NIGHTS, as well as counting down their favorite ensemble movies of all time. Jack Horner presents, Dirk Diggler and Amber Waves in: “Opening Weak-Ends, Episode 84!”

Put That Podcast DOWN. Podcasts are for closers. And this week the boys are closing on the big releases of October 2, 1992: the film adaptation of David Mamet's GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, Disney's ice-hockey feel-goodie THE MIGHTY DUCKS, and the Dustin Hoffman/Geena Davis satire, HERO.  First prize is an El Dorado Cadillac. Second prize is Episode 83 of Opening Weekend!

Opening Weekend will NOT be ignored, Dan! This week the boys head back to September 18th, 1987 to revisit the (rabbit-in-a) pot-boiler of an erotic thriller, FATAL ATTRACTION and the gross-out S&M horror of Clive Barker's HELLRAISER. Take a CenoBITE out of Episode 82 of Opening Weekend!September 1987: It's a Land of Confusion for Jason, Dan, and Fred as they navigate both the ups and downs of High School and the trickle down economics of Ronald Reagan impersonations. In the movie theaters, Clive Barker is grossing out audiences with a hell-scape full of unimaginable sadistic terrors, and yet that's nothing compared to what Dan faces as he walks down the halls of JFK (Jail For Kids) High as a Freshman. Pinhead SCORES! While Michael Douglas was getting in a Sammy-Hagar-head-of-hair-full of trouble for playing naughty, Jason was playing his own naughty games with some counterfeit hall-passes. And Fred learns that the only thing dumber than egging a High School Senior's Camaro is watching “Hellraiser” while eating left-over eggplant. The Order of the Gash commands you to enjoy Episode 82 of…BLUUUUUURGGGGH!

Little kids dancing with guns and elected officials attacking the entertainment industry. No, this isn't a Texans For Trump rally, they're just the plots of the two big openers of September 17, 1976: BUGSY MALONE and THE FRONT.  Fill up your splurge gun with fresh whipped cream and get ready to answer the big question: Are you or have you ever been a member of Episode 81 of Opening Weekend?!September, 1976: the bells of liberty are ringing loudly as our young podcasters celebrate the Bicentennial with Captain Kangaroo, The Magic Garden, and McCarthyism.  Yes, the blacklist depicted in “The Front” was a terrifying time in American history, but apparently not as terrifying as Bob Keeshan's ping pong balls falling from the sky into young Dan's nightmares. Speaking of nightmares: Hey, check out little Scott Baio and that gang of screaming, violent children! And then after you leave the MAGA rally, check him out in “Bugsy Malone” too! (That joke was written by Woody Allen “fronting” for Fred). And please don't get Jason started on Mister Rogers! All this and face full of splurge on Episode 81 of Opening Weekend!

Nobody puts Opening Weekend in the corner! This week the boys mambo back to August  22, 1987 and the release of the sleeper-hit summer classic, DIRTY DANCING.  Plus, find out their Top 5 favorite movie soundtracks of all time.  You'll have the time of your life on Episode 80 of Opening Weekend!It's the Summer of '87! Fred is hangin' in Hollywood (Florida, that is) with Red (Buttons? Skelton? Foxx? No one knows.) at Century Village. Meanwhile, Jason is going to the high school dance with beautiful older women and Dan is hoping for more high-waist pants on naked older men. When we deep-dive into Dirty Dancing, will Johnny Castle lift us up by our hips, or will we fall headlong into Baby's Hungry Eyes? And which movie soundtracks will make our Top 5 lists? Bonus content alert: We finally, at long last, put to rest the “Ghostbusters” vs “I Want A New Drug” debate. And by “put to rest”, we mean “have the most epic argument we've ever had on the podcast”. How will it turn out? Well, just like Swayze and Grey, we pass this chemistry test with flying colors. And we're better kissers. Stay (Just a Little Bit Longer) for episode 80 of Opening Weekend!

Great Scott!  The boys are jumping into their mental DeLoreans and going Back In Time to the summer of '85, the fall of '89 and spring of '90 for a Biff Tannen-sized deep dive into the  BACK TO THE FUTURE TRILOGY.  It's the 1.21 Gigawatt-fueled Episode 79 of OPENING WEEKEND!It's the summer of 1985 and the boys are hitting the road with Doc Brown and Marty McFly to revisit one of the most popular and beloved movies ever made: Back To The Future! Then they'll pop over to 1989 and 1990 for…some other movies that happened!“If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious s**t.” No, Doc Brown isn't talking about his newest invention; he's just warning Marty McFly not to walk into the bathroom at the Village Bath Club while Fred is hanging out there with his chocolate bars.  And as Jason was dancing to Bryan Adams' “Heaven” at the school dance, Dan was actually IN heaven as he watched the U.S. Express take on The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff.  Now make like a tree and get the hell over to Episode 79 of Opening Weekend - it's your DENSITY! 

Holy nipples, Batman! It's June 20th, 1997 and the boys are breaking up MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING and putting BATMAN AND ROBIN on ice.Come on, Julia Robert's, say a little prayer for Episode 78 of OPENING WEEKEND!June 1997: Julia Roberts is busting up weddings and Joel Schumacher is busting up movie franchises! As Fred is attempting to “suit the action to the word” while prepping to play Hamlet, George Clooney is attempting to “suit the Batman to the turd….of a superhero movie/toy commercial.” And while Jason was getting sloppy Shakespearean seconds, Dan was busy MMMBopping. Careful Dan, too much Hanson and you'll go blind! Listen to Arnie and chiiilllll out…to Episode 78 of Dermopening McWeekend!

“They're heeeere.” Who's here? “KAAAAAAHN!”It's June 4th, 1982 and the boys are taking on the suburban spooker, POLTERGEIST, the Shatner shout-fest, STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KAHN, and the Gene Wilder/Gilda Radner shit-show, HANKY PANKY. “Warp speed, Mr. Shalit, to Episode 77 of Opening Weekend!”Handfarts, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the USS Matisa.  Way back in June of ‘82, young Dan wasn't the fully formed Trekkie we all know and love and occasionally make fun of. But soon enough he'd be getting ready to explore the universe…of Energy, that is, at the newly opened Epcot Center! While young Carol Anne was being chased down by vengeful spirits in “Poltergeist”, young Fred was being chased down by vengeful (and possibly anti-Semitic) 6th graders. And who was dealing with a worse case of mistaken identity? Gene Wilder mistaken for a murder suspect by Richard Widmark in “Hanky Panky” or Kenny Rogers mistaken for the lead singer of Survivor by 5th grade Jason O'Connell? Grab your carbon paper, turn up the volume on 2XL and get ready for the Kobayashi Maru that is Episode 77 of Opening Weekend! 

“I believe in truth, beauty, freedom, and above all things: hand-farts.” This week the boys can-can back to May 18, 2001 and the releases of MOULIN ROUGE, SHREK, and ANGEL EYES. It's the “Shrektacular, Drecktacular” Episode 75 of Opening Weekend!Debauchery. Lust. A bacchanalia for the body and the senses. No, you're not flying with The Green Fairy at The Moulin Rouge of Paris in 1900, you're just drunk off a bucket of sangria at Dan's Quattro De Mayo backyard party of Astoria, Queens in 2001!  While Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman were serenading each other with passionate love songs, Fred was serenading tourists in Times Square with rage-filled doo-wop. Shrek may have lived in a swamp, but it was paradise compared to the dump that was Jason's love life in May 2001.  Man, where are J-Lo and Jim Cavoizel-Glayvin to touch you in places you've never been touched when you need them?!? And if a podcaster poops in a forest and no one hears, does “Angel Eyes” start to makes any sense? All this and more on Episode 76 of Opening Weekend!

Look, up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Richard Pryor riding a flying shark over the Sarlacc pit…in 3-D!!! This week the boys celebrate the beginning of spring with a look back at some of the biggest 1983-quels: JAWS 3-D, SUPERMAN III, and RETURN OF THE JEDI! Special Guest, Kevin Shinick (Robot Chicken, Marvel, DC) returns to join in on the fun.  No, Admiral Ackbar, it's NOT a trap, it's just Episode 75 of OPENING WEEKEND!Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, there comes a third dimension of terror: Simon McCorkindale.  Ah, the spring of 1983.  A truly wondrous time for Fred, Jason, Dan, and Kevin: so much anticipation, so much excitement, so little clothes on Carrie Fisher. De Wanna Wanga? Yes please!As the visitors of SeaWorld were losing their heads, arms, and legs to a 3-D shark puppet, young Jason was losing his mind in the back of a comic-book shop to a stack of 2D Mad Magazines.  And speaking of mad, you do NOT want to mess with Mrs. Shinick, lest you wanna get yourself grounded the night the new Star Wars movie opens! Momma don't PLAY, Kevin!While young Dan was being tortured by the images of floating 3-D fish heads, Fred was being tortured trying to avoid sneaking a peak at the “Return of the Jedi” comic book before seeing the movie…and by every single second of Superman III.As the Ewoks sang, “Yub nub, ee chop yub nub!” Which translated means, “Pass me some more of that Colombian nose candy, Dennis Quaid!” Throw back some Johnny Walker Red, Supes, ‘cus it's Episode 75 of Opening Weekend…in 3-D (3 Dummies)

“Oh my God, Romy, Tommy Lee Jones just said the Coast Is Toast.” “But, Michele, I thought we were avoiding carbs this week!”It's April 25th, 1997 and the boys are dipping their manicured toes into the hot lava of an opening weekend that brought us VOLCANO and ROMY AND MICHELE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION. “If you're lost, you can look, and you will find Episode 74 of Opening Weekend!”The ground begins to shake; a baby cries out in fear; there's a rumbling that shakes the walls and foundations. That's no volcano, Anne Heche, it's just Jason's downstairs neighbor yelling at him to stop being so loud while recording his stupid podcast! It's April 1997 and while Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow were trying not to look dumb in front of their old high school classmates, Fred was trying not to look dumb in front of his “Caddyshack”-star castmate. What was more painful to witness? John Carroll Lynch's feet dissolving in a lake of lava or Jason painfully trying to end a relationship with a girl 5 times above his pay-grade? Romy and Michele had the moves on the dance floor, but that was nothing compared to the moves a British con-artists played on Dan during his trip to the UK. Ewww, put on some clothes Ian Holm! It's Episode 74 of Opening Weekend!

Get Ready To Schlock! The boys are revisiting April 11, 1986 and the Judge Reinhold comedy OFF BEAT, the Gremlins wannabe CRITTERS and the ultra low budget schlock “classic” THE TOXIC AVENGER. As Will says, “KEEP EPISODE 73 OUT YA F***IN' MOUTH!”April 11, 1986: The bullies and bad guys of Tromaville, NJ are having their heads bashed apart and their intestines ripped out by The Toxic Avenger, who just wants to be loved. Meanwhile, on Manhasset, Long Island, 13 year old Fred is having his romantic life bashed apart and his heart ripped out by his girlfriend, who just wanted to make out during “Young Sherlock Holmes.”Yes, Joe Mantegna and Judge Reinhold are smooth dancers in “Off Beat”, but they don't hold a candle to 9th grade Jason getting to 2nd base while partner-dancing AND while dressed like a sailor. And who screamed louder in the spring of ‘86? Dee Wallace Stone as she's being attacked by furry killer space creatures while lamenting the fact that she was in ET four years earlier or Dan as he's watching the Mets music video VHS on a loop? LET'S GO CRITTERS GO! (SLAP) “Keep The Mets out ya f***in' mouth!!!”All this and an extra foamy grande Tarchino on Episode 73 of Opening Weekend!

The King of the podcast Jungle is back! This week the boys swing by March 30th, 1984 for the releases of ROMANCING THE STONE and GREYSTOKE: THE LEGEND OF TARZAN, LORD OF THE APES.  It's Episode 72: The Legend of Opening Weekend, Lord of The Podcasts!Me Tarzan, you Gene. March 30, 1984: A time of adventure and exploration.  A time when Cabbage Patch Kids and RPG nerds and middle school Mathletes ruled the jungle known as the Tri-State area. Just as Ian Holm's Belgian-French-Hobbit-explorer is teaching Christopher Lambert's Tarzan-Not-Tarzan the ways of British civility and decorum, Fred's 6th grade babysitter is teaching him the ways of British black-comedy (The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy) and depravity (A Clockwork Orange). Terrycloth robes may or may not be involved.While Michael Douglas does his best to wear the mantle of Indiana Jones and sweet-talk his way into Kathleen Turner's heart and bed, he's no match for the 7th grade Cassanova of Calculus, the Man-Beast of the Mathletes: Jason “Abacus Finch” O'Connell.  (Cue Glenn Close ADR'ing a young female Mathlete  moaning and groaning) And Dan's call-back to his sister's Cabbage Patch Kid sends Fred into a deep spiral of repressed memories, dark secrets, and possible Furby-Fetishim.  Jeffrey Parker, Jr ain't afraid of no ghosts! And two old friends call in to Romance the boy's Stones and possibly pitch some new business ideas.  Bon Ape-Tit!

Raise the roof and get ready to dive into the gaping hell-mouth that was March 9, 1990.  This week the boys revisit the Kid 'n Play hip-hop teen-sex  comedy, HOUSE PARTY and the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan deep-flop absurdist comedy, JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO. All this and a soiled overcoat on EPISODE 71 of OPENING WEEKEND!“I believe the children are our future, teach them well, and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside.” And who better to teach them and show them that beauty than three middle-aged film-nerds working through their own individual mid-life crises by doing a podcast about wanting to be children again?!That's right, this week Jason, Dan, and Fred take on the assignment of creating a by-request, Very Special Episode for a Long Island High School teacher and his students: complete with F-bombs in the first 60 seconds, sound clips from a disgraced comedian/sex-offender, and tales of lost virginity and soiled over-coats in the backseat of a station-wagon. (Oh, relax, they're 2022 High School seniors, they've seen/heard/done MUCH worse). Oh, and and they ALSO talk about movies! And podcasts! And how to make podcasts about movies! And there are fart sounds, too, children!Joe jumps into a volcano, Kid raps with Play, Jason goes to college, Fred becomes a man, and Dan writes a review about…the new Rosie O'Donnell movie?It's a very Zarzicki episode of Opening Weekend!

Nosey neighbors, pointless ponytails, and Excellent Adventures! It's February 17, 1989 and the boys are hopping in their time traveling phone booth to revisit THE ‘BURBS, TRUE BELIEVER, and BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE. Episode 70 of Opening Weekend? EXCELLENT!February 17th, 1989: An opening weekend bursting with so much misguided mediocrity, not even one of James Woods' scrunchies can contain it.  While Mr. Woods is chewing up the scenery, Dan, Jason, and Fred are chewing on everything Burger King had to offer. If only Bill and Ted could travel back in time and say, “Dan! Dude! Put down the Chicken Royale! Try this excellent salad!”Or maybe, “Fred, dude! No need to join a band with a 30-something psychopath you met through a personal ad! Wyld Stallyns needs a drummer!” Or “Jason, dude! What's with the bad review of our movie in your high school paper? Not coo…Oh, wait…actually….you're right. NOT EXCELLENT!!!” (Cue air-guitar) What's creepier? Tom Hanks' new neighbors, the Clopecks or James Woods' head's new neighbor, the ponytail? And did we mention James Woods has a ponytail? And then James Woods' ponytail comes to James Woods' ponytail while Dan, Jason, and Fred all James Woods' ponytail because James Woods' ponytail! And holy sh*t, James Woods' ponytail!All this and more James Woods' ponytail on Episode 70 of Opening James Woods' Ponytail Weekend!

“This means something. This is important.” Damn right, Ricky D - It's Episode 69 of Opening Weekend! This week the boys are going back to February 3, 1978 to make contact with the wide release of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND! Plus their Top 10 Spielberg films.Ba-ba-bum, ba-bwaaa! (Mothership or Hand-Fart? Only tiiime will tell!)February 3, 1978: Wunderkind Steven Spielberg is at it again, and audiences are having their minds blown watching Richard Dreyfuss have a Close Encounter of the Third Kind with tiny aliens.Meanwhile young Jason, Dan, and Fred are having their minds blown watching The Fonz have a Close Encounter of the Nerd Kind with Mork from Ork…and The Hulk…and maybe Scrappy Doo…?As Richard Dreyfuss stares dreamily at the sky wondering, “What is happening up there?”, 5 year old Fred stares dreamily at Dorothy Hamill wondering, “What is happening down THERE?!?!?” What's more fun than a pile of mashed potatoes? How about a stack of Dan's pre-school's Deadly Building Blocks Of Death? Or maybe Jason's “Francois Truffaut” action figure with Curwen Hand Sign Grip! (too esoteric?)And for the first time in podcast history:“Schindler's List” and “Baby's Day Out” together at last!

This week the boys take a deep dive into the releases from January 18, 2008: the found footage monster/disaster movie, CLOVERFIELD, the disaster of a rom-com movie, 27 DRESSES and the Diane Keaton disaster, MAD MONEY.   Get ready for some shakey-cam-induced cinematic nausea on Episode 68 of Opening Weekend!January 18, 2008: It's a strange, confusing time for folks this week.  Fred is trying to wrap his head around becoming a father, Jason and Dan are trying to wrap their heads around living apart from one another, and every screenwriter in Hollywood is trying to wrap their heads around making MAD MONEY make sense. And as CLOVERFIELD's updated version of Godzilla takes out  most of Manhattan, 27 DRESSES' Bridezillas take out the entire Rom Com genre. B-B-B-Benny and the JesusPleaseMakeItStop.  Dan's serving up a fresh pot o'joe and hash browns on Episode 68!

One podcast to rule them all! It's the last episode of 2021 and the boys are walking their big, hairy, Hobbit feet back to December 19th, 2001 to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Peter Jackson's epic trilogy opener, THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING. And throw on your fanciest wizard robe and polish your staff, because the boys are celebrating…themselves! Yes, it's the 2nd Annual Golden Sheila Awards! YOU SHALL NOT PASS up Episode 67 of Opening Weekend!“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times.  But that is not for them to decide.All we have to decide is which song shall win the Golden Sheila for Best Hand-Fart.”It's December 2001 and The Fellowship of the Ring are being terrorized by Saruman and pursued by ravenous orcs.Meanwhile, in December 2021, that same Fellowship are being terrorized by Omicron and reviewed by ravenous dorks!While Sam and Frodo were forming a Fellowship in Middle Earth, Dan and Jason were forming their own Fellowship in Middle Village (Well, Astoria, but close enough). Jason wanted to invite Merry and Pippin but Dan said “Over my dead man-flesh!”Meanwhile, Fred was off in Cleveland playing the great Elvish composer, “Isengard Balrog.” (Who ended up changing his name to "Irving Berlin", because it sounded less Jewish) If you thought Gandalf perishing in the Mines of Moria was depressing, wait until ya hear the one about Fred's dead grandma! GIMLI some more of that, ‘miright?!?!And moving from self-indulgent melodrama to self-indulgent mega-nostalgia, the boys take some time to pat themselves on the back for a year well done and hand out the 2nd Annual Golden Sheila Awards!You'll be GaLADriel you tuned into Episode 67!

“I know it was you, Sheila. You broke my heart.” (MWAH!) It's December 12th, 1974 and the boys are tackling a Towering week of massive openers: THE TOWERING INFERNO, YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, and THE GODFATHER, PART II. Walk THIS way to Episode 66 of Opening Weekend!Lightning strikes, thunder crashes. The creature slowly opens his eyes and rises. Stumbling and grasping his way across the room, he moans and groans for his Master who stares at the creature in wonder and awe. At which point, little baby Dan bumps into a corner, falls on his tush and cries in a pile of his own poo. IT'S ALIIIIIVE!!!  December 12, 1974 - An opening weekend of brave, bravura performances: Gene Wilder and Cloris Leachman bristling with comedic genius; Paul Newman, Steve MacQueen, and Al Pacino, smoldering with burning intensity; OJ Simpson not killing anyone. While Michael Corleone was trying to wipe out his enemies and keep power all in the “family,” baby Jason was playing with babysitters who looked like they came straight from the set of All In The Family. “Meathead, bring my bah-bah OVUH!” Which burns hotter: Robert Wagner with a flaming towel wrapped around his head, or Fred because he doesn't have any stories to tell about the VBC, Suds, or The Eagles Nest?All this and more on Episode 66 of Opening Weekend!BLUCHER!

“Bah Humbug!” “You'll shoot your eye out, kid!” “Merry Christmas ya old Building and Loans!”  “Yippe Kay Yay, Motherf***er!” ALL the holiday staples are covered as the boys jump back to November 23, 1988 to revisit the Bill Murray holiday comedy SCROOGED as well as their TOP TEN HOLIDAY MOVIES.  Put a little love in your heart with Episode 65 of OPENING WEEKEND!November, 1988: the boys are working off their Thanksgiving dinners and working on their Christmas and Hanukkah lists: “Gremlins” VHS tape for Jason - CHECK. Knock-off Cavarrici pants and gold chain for Dan - CHECK. Penis-shaped pencils from Spencer Gifts and a Wells Fargo Wagon full of Seattle-brewed Semen for Fred - CHECK and CHECK! And don't worry, Dan, Santa's leaving plenty of sweet street-level crack in your stocking this year! (Listen…it'll all make sense. Sort of)Bill Murray may have been the biggest Scrooge of 1988, but he's Tiny Tim compared to Dan being forced to endure Mariah Carey singing holiday classics. And speaking of holiday classics: The boys list off their Top Ten Holiday Movie list - Fred reads his list, confusion ensues. “All I Want For Christmas Is…Jew?” Quick, turn off that episode of “Kate & Allie”, it's time for Episode 65 of Opening Weekend!

This week the boys take a magic carpet ride back to November 13th, 1992 to rub some lamps and suck some blood with Disney's ALADDIN and BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA.  It's a whole new world on Episode 64 of OPENING WEEKEND!The scene: A young, dark haired handsome man finds a magic lamp in the desert and is granted three wishes by the all-powerful Genie: "I want to be to be rich, I want to be famous, I want to have a spotless British accent!” Well, Keanu, two out of three ain't bad, right?  November 13, 1992 was an opening weekend filled with bravura performances: Robin Williams' “Genie”, Gary Oldman's “Count Dracula”, and Fred and Dan's “Leather Guy and Construction Worker from The Village People.”   As young Prince Ali was hustling his way through the streets of Agrabah, young Jason was GETTING hustled on the streets of Little Italy. “You ain't never met a friend like me!” said the Three Card Monte dealer…Which is more entertaining: Gary Oldman running around Transylvania wearing silly wigs and getting  drunk on blood  or Jason, Dan, and Fred running around Hempstead, Long Island wearing silly hats PRETENDING to be drunk in student-produced Chekhov comedies? Answer: Neither, because WHAT ARE YOU DOING Anthony Hopkins?!? And the boys get a very special announcement via a genetically altered Stork in the mail-sack!DRACOOOOOOOL!  

This week the boys head back in time to October 26th 1984 to revisit the sci-fi classic THE TERMINATOR and the horror film-clip anthology TERROR IN THE AISLES.  So, listen to Kyle Reese and take heed: “That terminator is out there; it can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop...EVER…until you are listening to Episode 63 of OPENING WEEKEND!” Halloween, 1984: It's inevitable. He's coming. He can't be stopped.  And not even the mighty Sarah Connor or steely eyed Dr. Loomis can protect you from the terror that is…Dan Matisa in a homemade Q-Bert costume!Oh, %@*&#$!!! What was more confusing for young Jason?  The time-travel twists and turns of “The Terminator” or the hormonal twists and turns of “The Sperminator,” aka 8th Grade…? Greatest 80's action movie catch-phrase: Arnold's “I'll be back” or Joe Dolce's “You Toucha My Car, I Breaka Yo Face?”And between trying to get through watching horror movies without pissing himself in front of his friends, being chased by holographic images of David Byrne while roller skating in a never-ending circle of futility at Laces Roller Rink, and possibly dabbling in cross-dressing and a dose of Marx Brothers fetishism, Fred's therapist is buying EVERYONE tokens to play “Tron” and “Russian Attack” at the arcade!  In the words of the great Sarah Connor, “Shaddap yo face, ‘cus you're terminated F*$#er!”

“I'm out of order? You're out of order! This whole  podcast is out of order! October 19, 1979 is out of order! Sean Connery in METEOR is out of order! My movie…AND JUSTICE FOR ALL is out of order! Everyone is out…wait, what's that big piece of rock hurtling towards Earth? Ah, crap.” Don't worry, Al, it's just Episode 62 of OPENING WEEKEND! “What did the horny Scotsman say to the Italian lawyer?” No, this isn't a set-up for the movies discussed this episode; it's the setup for one of the many ethnic jokes Jason was killing with back in 3rd grade. In October of 1979, while Al Pacino was screaming for justice in the courtroom, Jason was getting canceled in the classroom.  Yes, a giant meteor heading towards Sean Connery's underground salad bar/love nest is terrifying, but it's nothing compared to staring into the cold, evil eyes of Dan's 1st grade teacher. ALL HAIL POZAR.And before he became a styrofoam-stuffed hairy-Nazi getting tossed out of a tree in Fred's backyard, he was…BIGFOOT! Yes, learn the origin story of one of Fred's most beloved and most misunderstood (“I'm NOT f****** Chewbacca!) Halloween costumes.  All this and a little Hindi on Episode 62 of Opening Weekend! JEFFREYTAMBORJEFFREYTAMBOR!

“You want to see the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed?” Uh, maybe not Mr. Spacey. But we will take a look at AMERICAN BEAUTY and the other two releases from October 1, 1999, THREE KINGS and MYSTERY, ALASKA. Time to look closer…at Episode 61 of Opening Weekend! It's the early fall of 1999 and the boys are watching three cinematic game changers: Sam Mendes' “American Beauty” and its take on repressed, suburban malaise; David O. Russell's “Three Kings”, with its fever-dream, anti-war prescience; and the biggest game changer of them all, Jay Roach's “Mystery, Alaska”…because it makes Dan want to literally change the game…from hockey to anything else. What's creepier? The way Kevin Spacey ogles Mena Suvari in her cheerleading outfit or the way Jason and Fred ogle George Clooney in his Desert Camo? And asDan enthusiastically repeats stories he told 8 episodes ago about bad jobs, living in Astoria, bad jobs, and living in Astoria (also about bad jobs and living in Astoria), Jason and Fred reminisce about the amazing artistry they witnessed that season: Jason, with the paintings of Norman Rockwell and Drew Sturzan. Fred with the acting prowess of Ed Koch and Drew Barrymore's Mom. Put down the camera, Wes Bentley, you're freaking that dead bird out…and tune into Episode 61 of Opening Weekend!

“As far back as I can remember I've always wanted to be a podcaster.” It's September 19th, 1990 and the boys are celebrating the release of Martin Scorcese's mobbed-up masterpiece, GOODFELLAS. One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy's sayin' “It's Episode 60 of Opening Weekend!”“I'm gonna go listen to the podcast, listen to the podcast.”  You do you, Jimmy Two Times. In the meantime, Dan's gotta go change the film reel at Cinema Shitty-Sex. It's September of 1990 and the boys are becoming “made” men. Fred is being “made” to understand the futility of an acting degree by a college theatre professor. Jason is being “made” to explain his reasons for wanting to play elderly pedophiles in classic works of theatre. And Dan is still cleaning up from the guy who “made” all over the bathroom wall of the movie theatre he works in.And once they finish gushing like the blood pouring out of poor Stack's head over “Goodfellas”, the boys dive into their personal top ten Gangster/Crime movies of all time.  Now go get ya f***in' shine box! 

Nic Cage walks into a forest dressed like a bear and punches a woman. No, you're not having a bad fever dream; you're just watching one of the movies that opened on September 1, 2006: a week filled with mystery, mayhem, and most of all, misogyny. THE WICKER MAN, CRANK, and IDIOCRACY are being pumped full of adrenaline and then burned alive on Episode 59 of Opening Weekend! (Brought to you by Carl's Jr).“I wish I could quit you.” “You complete me.” “I'll have what she's having.” No, the boys aren't discussing any movies this week REMOTELY related to romance. These are just a few of the things Jason screamed to the rafters in the fall of 2006 as he desperately tried to keep Dan from moving out of their Astoria apartment.  To which Dan replied, ““AH, MY LEGS! NOT THE BEES!!! YOU BITCHES!!!!” Or was that Nic Cage? It's hard to tell, since they were both wearing bear costumes at the time. Also in September 2006: While Jason Statham was desperately trying to keep his heart beating performing scenes of chaos throughout Los Angeles, Jason and Dan were desperately trying to keep audiences' hearts beating performing scenes of Chekhov in the basement of a bar in the East Village. And while Fred was spending the last days of summer soaking up the Tuscan sun, the cast of “Idiocracy” was showing us how we're all going to be soaking up Gatorade and fast-food during the last days of humanity.  And speaking of Gatorade: Fred shows his commitment to non-stop podcasting magic this week….while completely stopping pod-cast magic cold with his own brand of idiocracy. Now leave me alone, I'm ‘batin'….to Episode 59 of Opening Weekend!

Jungle Queens, Scary Dreams, and Adulterous Schemes.  It's August 17th, 1984, and the boys are taking in SHEENA, DREAMSCAPE, and THE WOMAN IN RED for some edgy PG-13 violence & gore and some wholesome PG full-frontal-nudity.  Grab your leg warmers and Members Only jackets, because the boys are heading back to the ‘80s for Episode 58 of Opening Weekend!Ahh, the mid-1980s. What would Ronald Reagan's (or Eddie Albert's, for that matter) America have been without the efforts of Hulk Hogan to capture the WWF Championship, the Ghostbusters to capture Slimer, or Fred Berman to capture anything the Playboy Channel had on in the middle of the night (without his Dad knowing)?While Jason has wholesome family time at the beach with Grandpa, and Dan watches hour after hour of sweaty men doing the Camel Clutch, sick perversions abound, both on Fred's TV screen, and on America's movie screens. Gene Wilder and Joe Bologna strive to get their bologna into any women they're not married to; Dennis Quaid dreams of a giant snake-man and strives to get his giant snake, man, into Kate Capshaw; and Tanya Roberts swings from long jungle vines as Ted Wass strives to get his long jungle vine out from under his sarong. Or is that merely his sarong-knot? Or is it all just Fred's 80s-Playboy-channel-addled imagination? A surprise call from some beloved “Pod Squad” members may provide some clarification. Or not.  Yeah, probably not. Where's the Beef? Why, it's in Ted Wass' pants, of course! Gag me with a spoon, it's the totally tubular Episode 58 of Opening Weekend!

This week the boys take on a BIG, SCARY ROBOT and a BIG, SCARY DICK…Nixon, that is! Brad Bird's THE IRON GIANT and the political satire DICK were the big openers on August 6th, 1999.  Do they warrant GIANT Sheila ratings or will they get shredded like a stack of DNC papers? Find out on Episode 57 of OPENING WEEKEND!It Came From The Outer Boroughs!!! While Brad Bird was exploring Atomic Age fears and Red Scare paranoia in 1950's America, Dan, Fred, and Jason were exploring how to eat one's own testicles with chopsticks in 1999's Astoria, Queens. (Don't ask, just listen) Who was the bigger Dick in August '99: Dan Hedaya as “Tricky Dick Nixon,” keeping Michelle Williams and Kirsten Dunst waiting for his affection in the Oval Office, or Fred as “Stan The AutoTech Man,” keeping an entire commercial film crew waiting while he played with Austin Pendelton's blue blankie? (Don't ask, just LISTEN) While Jason spent the summer of '99 obsessively re-watching “The Phantom Menace“ in the vain hope that it might NOT suck, he's now spending the summer of '21 obsessively listening to the Pierce Brosnan rendition of “S.O.S” with the absolute knowledge that it DOES suck. And wait until you hear about Dan's fear of fish. Holy MACKEREL, ‘miright? Get ready for a WaterGREAT time with Episode 57 of Opening Weekend! 

Some men just want to watch the world burn, and some just want to listen to Pierce Brosnan and Meryl Streep sing Abba!It's July 18, 2008 and the boys are zipping up their sequin jumpsuits, donning their masks and taking a chance on THE DARK KNIGHT, MAMMA MIA!, and SPACE CHIMPS. Episode 56 of Opening Weekend is the podcast Gotham deserves!“Mamma Mia, here I go again. Batman, how can I resist you? Mamma Mia, Space Chimps blow again. Why, why? Joker, can I kiss you?” In July of 2008, while Christian Bale's Dark Knight was learning how to deal with an agent of chaos smeared in white face-paint, new daddy, Fred, was learning how to deal with an agent of chaos smeared in white butt-cream.  And just as Jason and Dan were putting down their artistic roots in the most unlikely of places, the entire cast of “Mamma Mia!” were letting out their artistic “toots” in all of our faces.  And by “toots” we mean “farts.”  And by “farts” we mean “Pierce Brosnan's singing voice.” SOS indeed. And no, that's not the state-of-the-art 1985 animation stylings of a Dire Straits video, it's the 1983 state-of-the art animation stylings of “Space Chimps!” All this and so much more on Episode 56 of Opening Weekend! Oh, see that girl, watch that scene, get me some more butt-creeeeeam! 

July 3rd, 1996: Aliens are laying waste to humanity and John Travolta is making pencils levitate with his mind. No, this isn't Chapter 5 of ‘Dianetics', it's INDEPENDENCE DAY and PHENOMENON on Episode 55 of Opening Weekend!Boom! There goes The White House! Zap! There goes The Empire State Building! Snore! There goes everyone watching “Phenomenon.”In early July, 1996, while aliens were descending onto the battlefields of a scorched Earth, baboons were descending onto the hood of Dan's scorched Firebird in the battlefields of Jersey. And if you thought THAT sounds like a Great Adventure, wait until you watch Kyra Sedgwick shave John Travolta after he…zzzzzzzzz…. And speaking of shaving, just as the country was about to celebrate its independence from tyranny, Fred was trying, in vain, to celebrate his independence from facial hair.  Which is a story almost as sleep-inducing as Kyra Sedgwick shaving John Tr…..zzzzzzzzz….And, next, on a Very Special Episode of Opening Weekend: In a cafeteria in East Texas,  Miss Ruby teaches Jason about tearing down barriers…and building up: LOVE (cue: “If I Could Change The World). All this and more on Episode 55 of Openizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….LOGGIA ALERT!

“Calling Dick Tracy! Come in Dick Tracy! Gremlins have taken over New York City. No, not THOSE Gremlins. It's a NEW batch. That's right, this week the boys head to June 15, 1990 for DICK TRACY and GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH!  So, stop ogling Madonna, Tracy, and get over to Opening Weekend Episode 54!” Remember back in June of 1990 when you took some of that orange goo from the popcorn machine at Movie City where Dan worked and smoked it after Fred's Senior Frolic and then had visions of a mute Jason acting out Aristophanes while surrounded by hundreds of little green monsters dressed like hookers and gargoyles and pure electricity and giant spiders and Tony Randall and Edward G Robinson and Hulk Hogan and Leonard Maltin and you were like, “Woah, this is the craziest acid trip of my life” and then you woke up and then realized that you had just left “Gremlins 2: The New Batch” playing on a loop on your VCR and you were like, “Oh, thank God, but wait…AM I actually awake? Was I really just watching Gremlins 2? And if I was, and this is my reality, then who am I REALLY and what does it all mean and why is Al Pacino yelling at me and who is that old man in that bright yellow hat making out with Madonna and why is Fred giving out cars while Jason and Dan battle each other with twin babies and googley-eyed gremlins in a ThunderDome-like arena built by John Glover and Charles Durning and….” WAKE UP!!!! WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!!!Oh, snap….it's just Episode 54 of Opening Weekend.  Man, I gotta lay off that orange Shalit.

It's June 11th, 1993 and vicious dinosaurs once again roam the earth: The Tyrannosaurus Rex! The Velociraptor! The Ike Turner!  This week the boys are rollin' down the river and digging up JURASSIC PARK and WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT.  Hold onto your butts and Welcome…to Episode 53 of Opening Weekend Park!Shhh. Do you hear that? That low, deep rumbling sound? Is it a T-Rex approaching? Tina Turner getting ready to let loose a soulful wail? Or just Dan warming up his hands for a rendition of “Private Dancer”? Or maybe…(pan camera, zoom in slowly onto Richard Attenborough, and in sotto voce): ”…it's all three?”In June of 1993, while Steven Spielberg was breaking box office records, Dan was breaking into box office registers. Or WAS he? While Angela Bassett was the embodiment of a singing legend who shared a tumultuous life with an abusive husband, Jason was the embodiment of a happily married man who shared a summer-stock bed with his loving wife. Or WAS he? And while Sam Neil and Laura Dern were speeding away from a T-Rex in a jeep, Fred was speeding away from his dignity in a trolley car dressed in a pinstripe suit and holding a Hershey Bar as the life drained from his eyes. OR. WAS. HE???So many questions, so few answers. Is love just a second-hand emotion? Does Newman actually know how to use a winch properly? Is Fred really a famous Nintendo plumber from Italy? Will it be another 60 million years before the next episode comes out? Must go faster, must go faster…We don't need another hero, Ms. Turner, but we do need Episode 53 of Opening Weekend!

They say laughter is the best medicine, right Dr. Rosenpenis? Or was it Dr. Rosenrosen? Or Mr. Cocktostan? Or Arnold Babar? Or Ted Nugent? Hell, let’s just call ya Fletch. It’s May 31st, 1985 and the boys go undercover with the Chevy Chase comedy FLETCH and discuss their top ten comedic performances of all time. Frieda, hold my calls, ‘cus it’s Episode 52 of Opening Weekend!It’s May of 1985, and the school year is coming to a close for the boys. While Chevy Chase’s iconic character Irwin Fletcher was spending this time picking funky aliases, Dan’s mom was picking his not-so-funky Afro.  And when it came to the popular girls’ spring Bat Mitzvahs, Fred wasn’t getting picked at all!  “Baruch-atah adonai WOMP WOMP.”  Sure, Fletch may have been a master of disguise and impersonation, but could he pull off Willie Nelson AND Kenny Rogers in an 8th grade choir-version of “We Are The World”? Steve Perry and Jason think NOT! And find out who tops the boy’s individual lists of Favorite Comedic Performances Of All Time. Will it be Will Ferrell? Kristin Wiig? Peter Sellers? Dan’s wife as an infant version of herself, smashing textbooks out of her future husband’s arms as he naively walks the halls of Junior High wearing his best sweater-vest?  As the great vaudevillian, Oskar Schindler, once said: The list is life, nu? Find out who makes the boy’s lists on a Special Comedy Episode of OPENING WEEKEND!

It’s a hard knock, black and white, post-apocalyptic life! This week the boys travel back to May 21, 1982 to run down THE ROAD WARRIOR, ANNIE, and DEAD MEN DON’T WEAR PLAID. Leapin’ lizards, it’s Episode 51 of Opening Weekend!The world has gone mad.  Mohawked marauders rule the roads. Singing/dancing orphans run amok in the cities.  ET has his/her/its own cereal.  And a 9 year old Dan is eating all of it. Yes, it’s May 21, 1982 and while Little Orphan Annie is promising us that the sun will come out tomorrow, present day Fred’s Little 40-Something Fannie is worrying about what will come in where the sun don’t shine. “Dr. Pokey-Bum-Bum? Paging Dr. Pokey-Bum-Bum!” Who made the stranger decision in spring of ’82: Carl Reiner and Steve Martin deciding to make a black and white detective movie made up of clips from other black and white detective movies OR Jason deciding to go see a black and white detective movie made up of clips from other black and white detective movies instead of E.T.? If you thought “Mad” Max Rockatansky’s heart was hardened and cold, then you haven’t tried to watch “Annie” with Fred and his kids.And, yes, Dan’s hair was crazy, but he ain’t got nothing on The Feral Child.So, just relax and take a few deep breaths, because it’s time to turn around, place your elbows on the examining table, and prepare for a slight bit of pressure…with Episode 51 of Opening WeekEND!!!!!!!