Podcast appearances and mentions of angie tolpin

When you hear the word “legacy,” what comes to mind? Is it all the material possessions you'llgive to your children in your will? A family business? Property that's been in the family forgenerations? Or maybe you're wondering if you'll have anything to give them at all. But is thatreally all a great legacy adds up to?Today Terry wants to help you grasp a bigger, better, more accurate understanding of whatleaving a legacy behind really means. And he shares practical tips for how you can begindepositing your legacy in the people you love today, while you're still very much alive.You'll discover the six principles of legacy that can guide your daily decisions in ways that willimpact others beyond your lifetime. You'll also learn four man-up steps you can use each day tobegin exercising those words of wisdom now. It's not rocket science…it's all about beingintentional, taking advantage of every opportunity in the present to build a lasting legacy youreally want to leave behind in the people you love today.One way you can invest in your legacy is to check out the upcoming marriage and parentingconference that's offered at Legacy Farm in Stonefort, Illinois, May 17. Visit https://brushfire.com/legacyfarm/conference/597122 for more information and to register for the Faith-filled Legacy Conference withIsaac and Angie Tolpin. This high-value, legacy transforming event is FREE because Terry andKim want to invest in YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Really, you can't afford to miss it! (Seating islimited so register now!)Also, visit www.manupadventure.com for more resources that will help you “man up” one dayat a time. You can also register for Man Up Adventure Camp 2025 and sign up to receive theMorning Man-Up Survival Tips Email List. You'll receive a daily email filled with tips, motivation,Scripture, and more to kickstart your workday!One more thing…We need your help to get the Man-Up podcasts in front of more leaders andmen who can benefit from this content. Here are three simple things you can do that wouldreally help us accomplish that goal:1. Review us on Apple podcasts.2. Subscribe – we're available wherever you listen to podcasts.3. Share – let your friends know about the podcasts by sharing your favorite episodes on socialmedia!

Isaac and Angie Tolpin are a husband-and-wife team who host the weekly podcast “CourageousParenting.” They've been married almost 26 years and have nine children, ages three to 24, soit's accurate to say they are currently living in every season of parenting. They love Jesus andhave a passion to help other couples cultivate strong marriages and healthy families.In this episode, Terry and his wife and best friend, Kim, talk with Isaac and Angie aboutmarriage and parenting, speaking to various challenges and common issues couples face inboth areas. Throughout their life together, Isaac and Angie have discovered effective keys tobuilding a family that has vision for fulfilling the unique God-given purpose that they've beencreated to live out. They also share a few practical ways to make your marriage stronger andexplain why a strong marital relationship is essential to having a positive influence on yourchildren.After you listen to their candid conversation, you'll want more because they just scratch thesurface of all things marriage and parenting. So when you're done, go to [URL for theconference] and register for the Faith-filled Legacy Conference with the Tolpins on May 17 atLegacy Farm in Stonefort, Illinois. This high-value, legacy transforming event is FREE becauseTerry and Kim want to invest in YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Really, you can't afford to miss it!(Seating is limited so register now!)Also, visit www.manupadventure.com for more resources that will help you “man up” one dayat a time. You can also register for Man Up Adventure Camp 2025 and sign up to receive theMorning Man-Up Survival Tips Email List. You'll receive a daily email filled with tips, motivation,Scripture, and more to kickstart your workday!One more thing…We need your help to get the Man-Up podcast in front of more leaders andmen who can benefit from this content. Here are three simple things you can do that wouldreally help us accomplish that goal:1. Review us on Apple podcasts.2. Subscribe – we're available wherever you listen to podcasts.3. Share – let your friends know about the podcasts by sharing your favorite episodes on socialmedia!

Get it All Done Club: Stop drowning in motherhood and start thriving! https://www.nowthatwereafamily.com/get-it-all-done-clubIs your life just too complicated to ever feel peaceful? Learn how to create a peacefully productive home in one week. Check out Katie's Free Home Management Masterclass: https://www.nowthatwereafamily.com/peacefully-productive-home-masterclass-OUR FAMILY MUSIC ACADEMY:Affordable and effective online weekly music lessons designed for families. https://www.voetbergmusicacademy.comUse coupon code: PODCASTVMA for 10% off each month-Isaac and Angie Tolpin have been married for twenty-five years and have nine children ages three - twenty-four years old, are now grandparents, and are experiencing Godly fruitfulness in their children. They are sought after speakers on marriage and family with the top-rated Christian podcast called Courageous Parenting and the fast growing Resolute Man show as well. They have been homeschooling for 21 years with three successful graduates so far. Together they have built numerous courses, authored books and bible studies, and coached thousands of parents to biblically raise their children through their parenting mentor program. They are the founders of becourageousministry.org where they are working to impact 10 million legacies by equipping parents to raise confident Christian kids during unprecedented times! You can learn more and follow Isaac & Angie through the resources below: - Website: www.becourageousministry.org - Courageous Parenting Course: https://courageousparenting.com - Podcast: https://www.becourageousministry.org/podcasts - App: https://www.becourageousministry.org/app

“Ultimately, as parents, we are ambassadors for Christ.” Angie Tolpin Watch this full interview on our YouTube Channel. Yvette Hampton sits down with Angie Tolpin to discuss the concept of regret-free parenting. Angie shares profound insights on humility, forgiveness, and the importance of teaching our children about God's grace. Learn how to navigate the challenges of motherhood and create a legacy of faith for your family. Discussion Highlights: • Challenges and rewards of Courageous Parenting • How faith shapes our perspective on parenting • Practical ways to teach children about Jesus • The role of humility and forgiveness in the family • Long-suffering and its impact on family life Come back tomorrow for the rest of this conversation.  Has the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast been a blessing to you? Support from our listeners allows us provide resources, support, and encouragement to homeschooling families around the world. Would you please consider a year-end gift to support the Schoolhouse Rocked ministry? Recommended Resources: Podcast Note-Taking Guide Redeeming Childbirth: Experiencing His Presence in Pregnancy, Labor, Childbirth, and Beyond, by Angie Tolpin Courageous Coffee BeCourageousMinistry.org Podcast Recommendations: Courageous Parenting Podcast with Angie and Isaac Tolpin Resolute Man Podcast with Isaac Tolpin The Heart of Discipline: Avoiding Parenting Mistakes and Applying Biblical Correction – Ginger Hubbard, Part 1 Transforming Parenting Mistakes into Gospel-Centered Growth - Ginger Hubbard, Part 2 Beyond Counting to Three: Avoiding Common Mistakes and Parenting for Heart Change, Ginger Hubbard, Part 3 Thinking Dad Podcast

“We need to evaluate the legacy we're leaving and align it with biblical principles.” Angie Tolpin Watch this full interview on our YouTube Channel. Angie Tolpin joins Yvette Hampton for a deep dive into Courageous Parenting. Their conversation focuses on intentional parenting, homeschooling, and pointing kids to Jesus. Angie emphasizes the significance of biblical principles in leaving a legacy, discipleship, and preparing children for the uncertain future. Discover how to strengthen your faith, especially during challenging times, and learn the impact of involving kids in prayer and blessings. Watch and be inspired to raise children with a bold, countercultural vision for God's kingdom. Come back tomorrow for the rest of this conversation.  Has the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast been a blessing to you? Support from our listeners allows us provide resources, support, and encouragement to homeschooling families around the world. Would you please consider a year-end gift to support the Schoolhouse Rocked ministry? Recommended Resources: Podcast Note-Taking Guide Redeeming Childbirth: Experiencing His Presence in Pregnancy, Labor, Childbirth, and Beyond, by Angie Tolpin Courageous Coffee BeCourageousMinistry.org Podcast Recommendations: Courageous Parenting Podcast with Angie and Isaac Tolpin Resolute Man Podcast with Isaac Tolpin The Heart of Discipline: Avoiding Parenting Mistakes and Applying Biblical Correction – Ginger Hubbard, Part 1 Transforming Parenting Mistakes into Gospel-Centered Growth - Ginger Hubbard, Part 2 Beyond Counting to Three: Avoiding Common Mistakes and Parenting for Heart Change, Ginger Hubbard, Part 3 Thinking Dad Podcast

“We chose to live counterculturally for Christ.” Angie Tolpin Watch this full interview on our YouTube Channel. Yvette Hampton chats with Angie Tolpin from the Courageous Parenting podcast. Angie shares how she and her husband, Isaac, are helping parents raise godly, resilient kids in today's challenging world. With nine children and rich experience in homeschooling, Angie offers invaluable insights into living counterculturally for Christ, equipping parents for effective discipleship at home, and much more. Key Topics Covered: The Genesis of the Courageous Parenting Building Strong Biblical Communities The Importance of Parental Role Modeling Tips for Effective Family Discipleship Encouragement for Moms and Dads Come back Wednesday and Thursday for the rest of this conversation.  Has the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast been a blessing to you? Support from our listeners allows us provide resources, support, and encouragement to homeschooling families around the world. Would you please consider a year-end gift to support the Schoolhouse Rocked ministry? Recommended Resources: Podcast Note-Taking Guide Redeeming Childbirth: Experiencing His Presence in Pregnancy, Labor, Childbirth, and Beyond, by Angie Tolpin Courageous Coffee BeCourageousMinistry.org Podcast Recommendations: Courageous Parenting Podcast with Angie and Isaac Tolpin Resolute Man Podcast with Isaac Tolpin The Heart of Discipline: Avoiding Parenting Mistakes and Applying Biblical Correction – Ginger Hubbard, Part 1 Transforming Parenting Mistakes into Gospel-Centered Growth - Ginger Hubbard, Part 2 Beyond Counting to Three: Avoiding Common Mistakes and Parenting for Heart Change, Ginger Hubbard, Part 3 Thinking Dad Podcast

Instagram has filled us with images of beautiful homes, and it's such a joy to look at these to be inspired, but at the end of the day, "what do you want children to remember about life in your home"? Is a perfect Instagram house going to build the memories you wnat your children to remember about their youth?  Myquillyn Smith author of The Nesting Place joins Jennifer Pepito in episode 82 to talk about how we build a home. Myquillyn spent many years living in rentals, often waiting for the home of her dreams until she realised that she needed to start creating a home for her boys now. She shares that process, her best tips for decorating, and how to visualise and execute our family priorities in the design of our homes.  Episode sponsored by the Peaceful Press! Pre-order Jennifer's new book Habits for a Sacred Home and get access to exclusive bonuses.  Starting to plan for next year's schooling and looking for tips on how to homeschool?? Check out the Peaceful Press's free How to Start Homeschooling Booklet.   In this episode– How a house made into a home bring order and peace  Practice taking risk with the decoration of your home  Build a practical home for your family, not an instagram home Identifiying the purpose of your home and the activities you want to fill it with Home is the centre of the family and community and no matter what our house looks like, we can make it a home  We can't wait for perfection to open our homes and our lives to other people  Every house has a silver lining  Catch Myquillyn's new book Home Rules  You can learn more about Jennifer here– Jennifer's Instagram You can learn more about Angie Tolpin here– Myquillyn's Instagram and at The Nester Some Amazon Affiliate Links.

Angie Tolpin founder of Courageous Parenting, alongside her husband Isaac, joins Jennifer for an incredible conversation between veteran parents about their learning process, the joy of parenting, the sanctification process, the illusion of perfection, and what our real mission is as parents.  For parents at any stage of their parenting journey, this conversation has something to inspire and instruct.    Episode sponsored by the Peaceful Press! Pre-order Jennifer's new book Habits for a Sacred Home and get access to exclusive bonuses.  Starting to plan for next year's schooling and looking for tips on how to homeschool?? Check out the Peaceful Press's free How to Start Homeschooling Booklet.   In this episode– Find mentors not idols Learn from your mistakes and others rather than trying to create a list of "Must Dos" Read your Bible to understand the whole heart of God when it comes to how he sees our role as parents, our responsibility, and his faithfulness Parenting is as much about who you are becoming as it is about raising godly children  Check out Angie's Courageous Parenting Course  Catch Isaac and Angie's podcasts "Courageous Parenting" You can learn more about Jennifer here– Jennifer's Instagram You can learn more about Angie Tolpin here– Angie's Instagram Some Amazon Affiliate Links.

Be sure to visit cultureproof.net Please consider supporting the Culture Proof Podcast. We aim to bring engaging content that will challenge and equip Christians to live according to the Straight Edge of Scripture. All gifts are tax deductible. Our Address is: S.E. Ministries PO Box 1269 Saltillo MS, 38866   Episode sponsors: BJUPress Homeschool Culture Proof Listeners, THANKS!   Culture Proof Conference happening July 18 - 20, 2024 at Faith Baptist Church in Bartlett, TN. Visit cultureproof.net   Connect with Angie Tolpin on Facebook, Instagram, or at her website.    Culture Proof Podcast Theme "Believers" courtesy of Path of Revelation

We all must ask this question and be willing to be honest about it. With about 80% of the children raised in Christian homes leaving the church by age 18, we must do things differently than most Christian parents. So who is spiritually leading your family? As parents, I hope we all would want to say “We are”, but the truth is most aren't. Not with the intentionality and frequency the bible talks about in Deuteronomy 6:6-9. While a church's influence is good and needed, if that's where they get most of their Spiritual nourishment, then parents are failing in this area. Isaac and Angie Tolpin dive into what the Bible says about gender roles in the family and the importance of both mom and dad having influence while respecting God's plan for the family. They even go into what if your husband isn't a Christian, and direction for single moms and dads too.

If your marriage isn't unified on parenting, your family will struggle or worse. Unfortunately, most houses fall in one way or another. Sometimes it's a big tragedy, but often it's a small slow division that grows over a long period of time amongst good people who are married. Isaac and Angie Tolpin give biblically sound advice in four areas that most Christian marriages have some level of struggle with. Tune in to see where your marriage is at with these four areas and get the encouragement you need. Your marriage team makes a profound impact on generations to come. Use this episode to identify where work needs to be done and do the hard work it takes to be a stronger unified team in marriage. All show notes, scripture references, and resources mentioned are found at courageousparenting.com.

There is an attack on the food supply that aligns with some of the nefarious goals of powerful people and organizations. It's not a lack of trust in the Lord to take action when there are pending challenges coming, it's wisdom. Regardless of your situation, there are things you can do. Isaac and Angie Tolpin talk about simple steps toward preserving the quality of your family's food supply regardless of the growing corruption of food. We live in a world where there are valid concerns parents should think about with lab-grown meat that has been approved in the US, GMOs, and of course the dangers of the future meat supply. We can't get caught off-guard but instead, do what we can do now. We believe it's essential for children to grow up learning how to supply their own families in the future with safe food too. Watching and participating with you is the best training. All show notes, scripture references, and resources mentioned are found at courageousparenting.com.

There could be a lot at stake if you don't move, however, God could also want to use you right where you are. So how do you make this important albeit difficult decision? This episode will help you as Isaac and Angie Tolpin dive into the depths of thought on this beyond the surface. They moved to a foreign place three years ago for highly intentional reasons and it's made a powerful difference already in their family and future legacy. Our toughest decisions we've made usually have been the most fruitful too. Sometimes it takes reorienting your entire life to make a move including how provision comes in, but what if that's the best plan? Be careful not to hold onto your comfort so strongly in the short-run that it prevents the best path for your family to thriving way down the line. All show notes, scripture references, and resources mentioned are found at courageousparenting.com.

Isaac and Angie Tolpin share the decisions they came to early in their marriage regarding Santa Claus and why they made them. While all Christians likely have the motivation to keep Christ the center of Christmas, we've found it takes a concerted effort to actually do so. Get some tips on how to do this, our opinions on Santa and why we love giving each other gifts at Christmas.

Isaac and Angie Tolpin give a transformative tip to parents that will change their view of the moments their child disobeys them, motivating them to respond in a healthy biblical way that points them to Jesus. There are a lot of opinions amongst Christian parents about how to best discipline their children, but every parent must do these two steps first. Unfortunately without taking these two steps first, which is too common, the long-term relationship could be hurt and they may disdain authority in their life later on, which could include God. All show notes, scripture references, and resources mentioned are found at courageousparenting.com.

Despite homechurch being healthy and despite our preference for homechurch, we had a final church celebration Sunday with the families encouraging everyone to disperse and find a new church. In this episode, we share the two compelling reasons why and then give you the same Biblical insights we gave the eleven families doing Home Church with us on what to look for in a church according to scripture and how to be part of their new church home. Isaac and Angie Tolpin also share what their plans are next. Regardless of your church experience, this is a must-listen episode. All show notes, scripture references, and resources mentioned are found at BeCourageousMinistry.org.

We live in a world where employees have a free agent mentality with changing motivations. The right culture is the deeper retention solution that lasts. Isaac Tolpin has a unique understanding of how to craft and drive forward the right organizational culture that engages, retains, and boosts employee performance. There are three levers to influencing the right culture and he have broken down the practical steps executives can take to influence them long-term. It's no longer personality driven or an idea that's hard to grasp. Isaac created a proven ""High-Performance Culture System"" every leader can implement that drives all the right behaviors. He selectively give keynote messages in areas of organizational culture, innovation, and motivation. He also brings a visionary mindset to his family by creating a legacy raising and educating their children with his wife, Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com and CourageousParenting.com. Isaac refuse to waste his life achieving the world's definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead he deeply cares about making a difference in the world through the projects his involved with, those he serve, and the family he leads. Find out more about Isaac at: Websites: https://www.isaactolpin.com/ https://www.resoluteman.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/isaactolpin Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheResoluteMan Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/resolute.man Twitter: https://twitter.com/isaactolpin Check out our YouTube Channel:Jeremyryanslatebiz See the Show Notes:https://www.jeremyryanslate.com/1115 You may watch the FULL Video Episode also via my Rumble channel: https://rumble.com/c/JeremyRyanSlate

We live in a world where employees have a free agent mentality with changing motivations. The right culture is the deeper retention solution that lasts. Isaac Tolpin has a unique understanding of how to craft and drive forward the right organizational culture that engages, retains, and boosts employee performance. There are three levers to influencing the right culture and he have broken down the practical steps executives can take to influence them long-term. It's no longer personality driven or an idea that's hard to grasp. Isaac created a proven ""High-Performance Culture System"" every leader can implement that drives all the right behaviors. He selectively give keynote messages in areas of organizational culture, innovation, and motivation. He also brings a visionary mindset to his family by creating a legacy raising and educating their children with his wife, Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com and CourageousParenting.com. Isaac refuse to waste his life achieving the world's definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead he deeply cares about making a difference in the world through the projects his involved with, those he serve, and the family he leads. Find out more about Isaac at: Websites: https://www.isaactolpin.com/ https://www.resoluteman.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/isaactolpin Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheResoluteMan Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/resolute.man Twitter: https://twitter.com/isaactolpin Check out our YouTube Channel:Jeremyryanslatebiz See the Show Notes:https://www.jeremyryanslate.com/1115 You may watch the FULL Video Episode also via my Rumble channel: https://rumble.com/c/JeremyRyanSlate

A listener recently asked: "How do I make sure my older kids are getting the biblical teaching and discipleship they need when I have a bunch of little ones as well that require a lot of my time?" Today Angie Tolpin is on the show to answer this question! Angie has lots of experience discipling her bigs, middles, and littles as a mom of 9 children aged 23 years to 2 years old. You will find her answers insightful and inspiring. Connect with Angie: becourageousministry.org For show notes and all the links to all the things, visit kirstenvossler.com/podcast Join my email list here!

Angie Tolpin joins me today to share her wisdom on intentional mothering. Angie is a Sister in Christ, a wife, a Mom of nine, and a Grandma who has homeschooled her children for the past 20 years, graduated three and has six more that she is currently educating. She has been married to her husband Isaac for 23 years and together they have built businesses, homestead on their 6 acre farm, they have done marriage seminars, planted home churches, and are in full-time ministry together running BeCourageousMinistry.org! Together Isaac and Angie host the top-rated Christian podcast, Courageous Parenting and teach parenting programs every six weeks. Angie has been involved in ministries of all kinds over the past 26 years. She is a doula, childbirth and postpartum educator, an author, and has answered yes to the call as a Titus 2 Teacher. Her passion is equipping wives and moms to leave a legacy that glorifies the Father. For show notes and links, visit kirstenvossler.com/podcast

In an age with instant access to so many teachers, it's helpful and important to know the backgrounds of those you learn from. Tune in to hear the Tolpin's raw and real journey being part of the body of Christ over the last 23 years. Isaac and Angie Tolpin are open books! In fact, you can ask them anything during LIVE Q&A's in the Be Courageous app and they will answer candidly. Sometimes hearing stories gleans the most wisdom; you will likely experience that in this special episode. All show notes, scripture references, and resources mentioned are found at BeCourageousMinistry.org.

Check out everything Angie and her husband, Isaac, have going on with Be Courageous Ministry here: https://www.becourageousministry.org/ - Follow Angie On Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.mom/ - Listen To The Courageous Parenting Podcast Here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/courageous-parenting/id1447714806 - Check Out The Courageous Parenting Mentor Program Here: https://courageousparenting.com/

Motherhood is hard sometimes, but hard does not equal bad. We are all striving to be the best Mama to our children, but the journey in learning how to be a biblical mother is not always clear, especially in a world that devalues the duties the role brings and indulges the fleshly desires we must turn away from. Join Angie (Mother to nine) and Abbie (Mother to ten) as they discuss a couple of the most challenging aspects of motherhood that they have experienced. A little hint, they talk about some riveting topics such as “Self-Care vs Soul-Care”, How to Find a Titus 2 Mentor and their experiences, as well as the “Gentleness Challenge” Abbie talks about in her book, “M is for Mama.” In case you are wondering, we talk in-depth about the difference between the “Gentle Parenting” movement of today and what God's Word calls us to as Biblical Women to be gentle mothers because they are NOT the same thing.

When left unchecked, the seasons of a woman's body and her ever changing hormones can often lead to discouragement, spiraling emotional and physical crashes, and a shadow loneliness. Sadly, after decades of ignoring the natural response of our bodies and the intricate design and purpose we were created for, many of us struggle to respond to our beautiful womanhood in healthy ways.

Isaac Tolpin is one of the Founders of ConveYour.com, the #1 Micro-Learning platform for influencers and companies.  He’s a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart. On a mission, enabling brands to authentically connect and inform at scale with over 105 million in combined revenues from the companies he’s helped build.  His success comes from understanding the relationships between human behavior, business and technology. This expertise helped celebrity influencers and companies to transform their knowledge into humanized digital training. His recent background includes, cultivating a vineyard, keynote speaker, digital marketer, and EdTech disrupter through the pioneering Mirco-Training technology, ConveYour.com, the platform that’s improving the way influencers and organizations connect and train people.  He brings a visionary mindset to his family by creating a legacy raising and educating their 7 children with his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com. He refuses to waste his life achieving the world’s definition of success that leave so many empty.  Instead he does what matters through projects, those he serves, and the family he leads. Isaac Tolpin Vroom Veer Stories Had the entrepreneur bug very early; started making and selling crafts in High School Went to college (cause that what Gen Xer's do!); starting doing direct sales in college How to overcome massive entrepreneurial failure and come back stronger than ever Big lesson from this failure was to listen to friends he really trusts Learned how to be a better husband and father and to check his ego Why digital training needs be fun, effective, and never boring Human behavior doesn't allow digital training to take hours at a time; more like 5-7 minutes An optional workplace test game had a 95% completion rate; making it mandatory caused a drop Isaac Tolpin Connections Conveyour.com LinkedIn Facebook

Whether you have children or not, this insightful and wisdom packed episode is for anyone who will ever care for a child, of any age, in their lifetime. This includes grandparents, care givers, sitters, etc. Desiree chats with Isaac and Angie Tolpin from Courageous Parenting on how to impact our children in a Godly way while equipping them with purposeful skills. Parenting eight children of their own has given them knowledge beyond measure, and their passion to help parents in every season of life is truly a blessing for us all. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/desiree-siegfried/support

How are you prioritizing your health in a positive way? Angie Tolpin is a homeschooling mom of 8 with another baby on the way and is also an author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and co-host of the Courageous Parenting podcast.We are talking about the ways you can make health a priority in your household and for your family without creating an idol out of it. You’re going to discover how communication with your spouse and family is an important part of creating a household that is healthy and still God centered.

We are FINALLY having a conversation with some friends of ours that are full of wisdom and insight when it comes to many things, especially when it comes to parenting.  Isaac and Angie Tolpin are our go-to’s when we have parenting questions. They have eight kids and have dedicated their life to helping other families navigate life well. They are passionate about equipping courageous kids for an uncertain world. This episode is SO timely with all the changes in the world going on right now, so get ready for TONS of insight and let’s jump in!   All things mentioned in this episode are linked HERE.

Angie Tolpin is a homeschooling mom of 8 with another baby on the way and is also an author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and co-host of the Courageous Parenting podcast. Angie’s passion is in leaving a Kingdom focused legacy and loves to encourage moms through her Christian postpartum course and the offer of redeeming childbirth. We are talking about the ways you can make health a priority in your household and for your family without creating an idol out of it. You’re going to discover how communication with your spouse and family is an important part of creating a household that is healthy and still God centered. 

We are about to have our 5th child and with our growing family comes more of a necessity for spending quality alone time with each of our kids. The logistics of this also get more and more Complicated but that should not stop uf from trying and growing in our ability to single out our children to show them that we love them, want to hear from them, and want to get to know them as individuals in the family. In this episode, we share some practical ways to get some alone time with each of your kids and why it is so important to cultivate that experience on a regular basis. Join our Free Parenting prayer challenge today and build a habit of praying for your children daily.http://parentingprayerchallenge.com PRAYERDear Lord,Thank you for the gift of family. Thank you for the blessing of children. May we be people who are willing to make our children feel special, and to feel seen and heard. Help us to spend quality time with them, building fond memories and moments that build our trust with them. Help us to carve out time to show our kids that we desire to be close to them and want to dialogue with them. We pray we would be fun and intentional parents with the purpose of teaching our kids your ways. May our children have a heart to build a family of their own because they love our example and appreciate all they experience. May your love be woven into our legacy and may your light shine in our relationship with our children.In Jesus’ name, amen! READ TRANSCRIPT- [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. - [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. - [Aaron] And today we're gonna share some fun ways to spend quality time with your children. - [Aaron] Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. - [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. - [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. - [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. - [Aaron] And so far we have four young children. - [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media. - [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. - [Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one full of life, - Love. - And power. - [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. - [Jennifer] Together. - [Aaron] Thank you for joining us on this journey, as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. - [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. Okay, Aaron, this is just, I am so excited about this episode. I don't know why. - You're always excited for all the episodes, I like it! - [Jennifer] No, this is different. This is like I'm giddy over this because we have young kids and the whole episode is about spending time with our kids, things that we've been learning, as-- - [Aaron] We should let the cat out of the bag. You actually really like our kids. - I do, I'm biased. - So, that's why you get so excited about this. - Okay, fine. I was gonna say we're gonna share things we've been learning as new parents. Are we still new parents? - [Aaron] Someone recently called us new parents. They said, "I would consider you still new parents." And I'm like, we have a fifth kid on the way, how are we still new parents? - I know, I think it's 'cause they are all just still little-- - [Aaron] They're all young, yeah. - [Jennifer] Yeah, we're in a lot of just little kid time. And so even though this episode is about spending one on one time with your kids, really it can go for any age kid. But before we jump into that, why don't you give us a little update on something you shared a couple weeks ago on studying your kids? And if you guys don't know what I'm talking about, you gotta go hear that episode. - [Aaron] So I got some journals and I purposed to take some time to write in those journals things that I'm observing from my children so that I can kind of learn them, think about my children on a level when they're not around and say, "What are the things that I've seen in my kids, "ways they're being, things they've said?" - [Jennifer] So he got one journal for each kid, and he's not writing to them, per se, he's just writing about them to help him. - [Aaron] Yeah, I just write stuff I'm observing as if I'm like, on a safari, like "I saw Elliot today do this." I will say this I wrote about Wyatt in the wrong book. - [Jennifer] I know. - [Aaron] I had to rewrite the whole thing, which is actually kinda good 'cause I wrote it better, but. - [Jennifer] What are some things you're learning about our kids? - [Aaron] Yeah, well, just some cool things. It's cool writing it down, and I've only been doing it like once a month right now. So it's not like every day I'm writing something about them, but it's cool 'cause I write down emotional things about them, like when I see how they respond emotionally to things. - [Jennifer] Okay. - [Aaron] I also write down things that I see them getting good at-- - Or interested in. - Or interested in, things they say, 'cause every once in a while, they say something really remarkable, and I'll just try and remember those things and I write it down, I'm like, "We asked this question and he answered this way." And so just, it's really cool, I've done it twice now and I'm gonna continue doing it, you've encouraged me and said, "Hey remember you said you were gonna?" I'm like, "Oh, yeah." So I think over time, it'll become more of a habit, but it's been a fun thing to to write down and I would encourage parents to figure out ways that they can learn their children. - [Jennifer] Do you feel like it's requiring you to pay attention more? So like, are you trying to notice things? - [Aaron] I am, I am. - [Jennifer] Your eyes are on them more. - [Aaron] Yeah, and I'm not just, "Oh, yeah, they're in the background, doing their thing." I'm trying to watch them intentionally like, how do they respond to that thing? How are they gonna answer this question? How are they...? So yes, I would say it's making me more intentional. - [Jennifer] I just think that's so cool. So something that I wanted to share before we get started is that I had a friend recently asked me at church, she just said, "Hey, have you taken Wyatt out on a date, "like just you and him?" Okay, Wyatt's our, he just turned three, and I was shocked. I was like, "No, I haven't, thank you." Because they know that we do this. They know that we like to take the kids out for one-on-one time, and we've been doing it with the older kids, Elliot and Olive, but I don't know why I just didn't think about taking Wyatt, and he is getting to that age where he would probably love it. And so it kinda woke me up and it was a good reminder that God knows that we have this desire to spend one on one time with our kids, And He used a friend of mine to ask me about it. - To remind you. - To remind me. - [Aaron] It's like a gentle nudge. - [Jennifer] It was! It was really cool, so thank you friend. - [Aaron] Yeah, and you know what, just a little bit of honesty, especially as our family grows, 'cause we had Elliot and it was our first time being parents and so we had all this energy on every milestone, on everything with him and then we had Olive and that dwindles a little bit, all that attention. And then now we have Wyatt and now Trude, and now we have Edith on the way, and I just, sometimes it can be easy to forget certain children in the place they're at, forget what we did with our older children at that place. - [Jennifer] Yeah, or that they're all individuals, because we see 'em as a pack, we're always going places together, and so being able to separate them and say, "You are unique, and you are special, "and you are important to us." - [Aaron] So before we move on to the topic, we just wanna tell you about a new free resource. One of our ways we minister through this ministry is by creating free resources and paid resources. We have our books, of course, but we also love to create these free resources to encourage you in your prayer life and your marriage and your parenting. And the new one we have, I don't know if you've taken the Marriage Prayer Challenge yet, but now we've created a Parenting Prayer Challenge where you can sign up to pray for your son or daughter or both and we'll send you a prayer prompt every day for 31 days, to encourage you in your prayer life over your kids. It's pretty awesome, and all you gotta do is go to parentingprayerchallenge.com and sign up completely free today. Go do that today. - [Jennifer] Okay, so the topic for today is, you know, spending one on one time with your kids, spending quality time with your kids, some even call it dating your kids, like having date night with your kids. And I'm not sure exactly where this came from, but we have two couples in our life that have been instrumental in our faith and in our parenting that we wanted to share with you guys 'cause I'm sure the idea came from one of two of these places. - Or both. - Or both. Matt and Lisa Jacobson from Faithful Life podcast, and Isaac and Angie Tolpin from Courageous Parenting podcast. Again, both of them have been instrumental in both of our faith and our parenting, and they're so encouraging you guys, so if you're not already following their podcasts, you need to go check them out right now. - [Aaron] Yeah, and we started dating our kids after Olive was born, Elliot was getting older, he was almost three and we've tried to continue it since. There's seasons that we totally forget to do it, but we try and make it built into a regular routine. So just one example right now Olive's in dance and so I take her to dance, and I sometimes, maybe every other week, I'll go early, and we'll go have dinner together before she goes to dance. And so it's just me and her, and that's actually been a lot of fun. We get to go eat together and then she goes and dances off all the food that she ate. - [Jennifer] Yeah, not all of the the opportunities that we take with our kids happen regularly because well we're going into having five now, our oldest being seven. - It gets a little harder. - [Jennifer] Yeah, and it just gets hard. So we try and take advantage of every opportunity that we have, but as a large family, we also like to do things together. So I would say our goal is usually to take one kid out a month, and so either you will take them or I will take them. - Yeah. - Or you take two and I take two. So we kinda just mix it up and we play with it. - [Aaron] A good tip to make it more regular, and we tried this in the beginning was monthly birthdays. So Elliot's birthday's on the seventh, and so remember we tried doing on the seventh of each month would be like that date day for Elliot. We haven't been consistent with that, but someone might be able to take that and run with that idea. - [Jennifer] Yeah, the thing that I remember from that when we tried it was that the kids began to expect it. - Yeah they did. - Which was cool, because we want them to know that we wanna spend time with them. - [Aaron] It's my birthdate day coming up! - [Jennifer] But we also like the spontaneous, "Hey, I'm going to take you on a date right now." So, we'll leave that one up to you to decide, but we thought it'd be fun to share with you some standout moments that we've had with our kids on these date days. Do you wanna start Aaron? - [Aaron] Yeah, so speaking about Olive, I would take her to dinner, and we'd go to one of our favorite restaurants and it's right there, right where she goes to dance. And I'll leave early and we'll spend about an hour eating together and just talking, sometimes she's coloring, sometimes she'll bring a book that she loves I'll read it to her, but a couple of cool things about this is it really stands out to other people. They start seeing me with my daughter and they're like, "Wow, this Dad's with their daughter" or just, it's a really intimate thing. So it's an example to others, which has been really cool. It also gives you enough time to just ask them questions and be like, "Who are you?" This little girl who's growing and turning into a her own person with her own ideas and with her own dreams and which is just a really powerful thing. A couple months ago, there was a really funny thing that I found out about Olive from dating her. So we go to this restaurant and I order something I've never ordered before, and it's this shrimp pasta dish. It's amazing, I loved it. It's like one of my new favorite things. And I get it and I'm like, "Oh, this is so good. "Oh my gosh, this is so amazing." And Olive leans over and she's like, "What's that smell?" And I'm like what? - She's really straightforward and blunt. - She's like, "Dad, that smells disgusting." And I'm like, "What are you talking about?" And she literally, she was like "I can't eat Dad, "this is ruining everything and I don't like that smell." I find out she doesn't like seafood smell, 'cause it smelled a little like shrimp and she was like, "It's disgusting!" So every time I order she's like, "Dad, don't order that, "I can't eat with you!" - [Jennifer] Actually, I remember her coming home that night and so you went to dinner first and then dance. So you guys were gone for a couple of hours. And she came home and I was like, "Oh, how was it?" And she goes, "Mom, Dad ordered this food "that I did not like." - [Aaron] "It was disgusting." And so I found out that Olive doesn't like the smell of seafood. So I have to get that pasta when I'm out around Olive now. - [Jennifer] That's funny. Something that stood out to me was, I remember a while ago, just having a hard day and needing a Mommy break. You know, all the Moms right now are like, "Yep, I feel ya." And so I asked Aaron if he could come in and watch the kids while I went and grabbed some lunch by myself. And I was really looking forward to it 'cause you had said yes. - Oh I remember this day, okay - [Jennifer] You understood and said yes and I was getting ready to go, and it was a day that I was actually having a really hard time with Olive. And so I don't know why all these stories revolve around her but-- - She's special. - [Jennifer] She's special. - [Aaron] She's our only little girl right now. - [Jennifer] She was just having a very emotional day, which was new for her in her development. She wasn't like this before, and it was rubbing me the wrong way. And so I was getting ready and you looked down the hallway and you kind of signaled to me like-- - I said it quietly-- - Do you wanna take her? - [Aaron] You learn really quick not to say things out loud. 'cause then it's like, it ruins everything. - [Jennifer] And I was actually really frustrated that you even acknowledged that-- - Or even asked you. - Or even asked me because I just wanted to get out of there. And I'm just being honest, and I just felt my in gut like, yes, that's the right thing to do and so I-- - [Aaron] But with your body language it was like no. - [Jennifer] So I said, "Olive come here," and she came running down the hall. She goes, "Where you going?" 'cause I had my shoes on. I said, "I'm going to lunch, do you wanna go with me?" And she lit up like just-- - You made her day. - I did. And so we went to lunch and I sat down and I tried asking her some questions and getting to know like what's going on, I acknowledged that she had been emotional and she acknowledged that she had been emotional. And it was a really encouraging time for our relationship. It was almost like God showed me where it's gonna be when she's 16. - [Aaron] I know, I love those glimpses! I'm so excited for that. - So cool. And just being able to get her away from all the boys in the family, and just see her for who she was and what she was going through, it was like an eye opener for me. So that's something that really stood out to me and showed me like my little girl is growing up and I need to be there for her and what does that look like? We also took a little devotional with us and it was a book that you actually started going through with her on your guy's dates. And so I took it with and read a page out of it and we talked about it and she was just, she came back just different from that opportunity. - [Aaron] Well it totally encourages her and makes her feel so loved. And yeah, she had a totally different attitude the rest of the day from that time with you. And that that's kind of how is with all of our kids. I love when I go out with Elliot. Again, I take him to piano, and then I'll take him to a lunch. So we what we do is we couple events. - [Jennifer] Things that you already have responsibility to. - [Aaron] Yeah so, I'm like, "Oh if I just leave a little early, "then I can go actually have a date with my son." He looks forward to it and we go and we'll color together, we'll talk, I purpose to not have my phone out at all. - [Jennifer] That's good. - [Aaron] I had to check it once in a while for a text message or you might call me or something, but I try and put it away so he knows that I'm intentionally trying to be with him. And then like, I just try and be, it's actually honestly, it's hard sometimes 'cause I'm like, how do I engage with my son? I'm trying to come up with creative questions, I'm trying to dig deeper than just what we always hear out of his mouth. I'm like, you know, what about this? What do you wanna, you know? - [Jennifer] But you can't expect it because when they're so young, they might not and that's okay. - [Aaron] Yeah, but I have to try. And so it's cool. The last time I went on a date with him, so he's been loving video games. He's playing Zelda, like that little, it's like a remake of the original Zelda, it's pretty awesome, actually. And he just talks about it a lot and I'm like, "Okay, Elliot, you know that someone came up "with this game, right?" And he's like, "What do you mean?" And I'm like, "Well, this whole story, "everything you love about this game, someone--" - Someone designed it. - "Created it." - [Jennifer] Someone made it up, yeah. - [Aaron] It came up from there, like all the names of the characters and all the places and he was like, "What really?" And I was like, "And you could too." And I actually started talking to him, I was like, "Why don't you describe a game?" And we literally spent the hour and he came up with his own game about a little boy with a backpack and his backpack has all of his powers and toys and we came up with what the adventure was gonna be about and he had to save the ancient. And it gave an opportunity where I was able to coax out of him more creativity and he was actually able to see beyond this thing that he loved to something to something that he could create like something he loves. - [Jennifer] That's so cool 'cause you took something that he was interested in and you saw it and you said, "Now how can I use this "to benefit our relationship?" - [Aaron] And it was fun because it made the conversation unique, it actually drew something out of him, I would imagine, made him feel more powerful like, "Wow, I could do that?" like, "I could make that thing? "I didn't even know that was impossible." I'm like, "Well, yeah, someone made it." So it was a lot of fun and I actually got to hear his creativity and I would ask him questions like, "Well, what does that character do? "Where did he come from?" And now he's like, creating these back stories. And so I told him, I was like, "You should do that "as a school project this year, come up with a game." So that was that was a really powerful, fun experience, too. - [Jennifer] That's awesome. Another standout memory that I have is with Elliot, I'm not trying to copy you on these stories. - It's okay if you are. - I know. But this actually happened when we were on vacation. I was pregnant with Wyatt and so Elliott was probably like three, almost four years old and we had gotten the opportunity to go to Maui, and it was really fun. And I remember waking up really early one morning and I shook you and I was like, "Hey, can I take Elliot out?" And you were like, "Yeah," but he was sleeping, but it was so cool. I woke him up and we snuck out without Olive waking up and so you and Olive stayed resting. - [Aaron] I slept for another two hours I think. - [Jennifer] Well it was probably like 5:45 in the morning and I'm like trying to get dressed in the dark. And we went downstairs 'cause we were staying at this resort with access to the beach, and we went, their coffee shop opened at 6 and so we went and got a bagel and walked all the way out to the beach. And I just sat there and we ate a bagel and then he played in the sand for like 30 minutes, 40 minutes, and we walked back up and got to have breakfast again with you guys. And it's such a standout memory for me because I loved having that one on one time with him. I love that we got to take a special unique opportunity away from everyone else just to be together. We got something that we both love and shared it, a bagel. And I have this memory of sitting on the beach, even though that whole vacation was pretty memorable, that's what stands out to me because I sat on the beach with just my son and I got to watch how he plays and I got to observe him and engage with him and love on him and it was just, I don't know, one of the things we'll talk about in just a minute is just the benefits of having that one on one time with your kid and I would say building memories like that where they stick with you-- - [Aaron] And they'll stick with them too. - [Jennifer] Well with them, but it makes you wanna recreate 'em. Oh, it's so powerful for the relationship, for the friendship, for the engaging aspect of what this is. - [Aaron] You know, in this episode, I would say our main goal in sharing these things with you is in parenting and in just marriage and in life and in church and all these things, there's so many things drawing our energies and attentions and every one in a while we just need to be reminded that we need to be taking opportunities to slow down and to get off the beaten path with our kids. To get to know them, to let them know that we are there for them, we like them. Like, it's one thing to love your kids, it's another thing to like your kids. And our kids need to know that we like them. Like I wanna spend time with you, I wanna be near you, I wanna know who you are and how you think. So that's our encouragement. What are some benefits, if those that are listening now start trying to implement some way that they should be taking these date days, date nights, alone time with their kids? - [Jennifer] Well, I the first thing that comes to my mind, and it just happens when you have multiple people in the family, when you step away with just one is you get uninterrupted time with them to really hear them and what they're going through. - Which is nice. - And to chat. It really is nice because anyone with multiple people in a family, you sit down at the dinner table and everyone's talking over each other. And we're working on that, our kids are pretty young so they're still learning that but it's all the time in the car, while they're playing, it's constant and so being able to pull away from the crowd and saying, "Hey, I see you and I hear you, "and I wanna hear more." It's powerful. - [Aaron] And then that goes into the other part of this, which is you get, you get to be un-distracted. But now this also takes, you should be intentional on this. Like I said, I try to not have my phone out because I don't wanna just be, and sadly, we see this sometimes, you see a father with their kid, and they're just, that Dad's on their phone and I don't wanna be that guy and I've done that before. Make sure that we're like, the intention is to be with your child. - [Jennifer] So it kind of gets you out of your elements to where you're purposeful and you're thinking ahead, you're thinking through all the steps while you're on this date, because your purpose is for them. - [Aaron] Yeah, and you know what our children see it. They feel when we're with them or not. Like, "Oh, I'm just here. "Dad's just here, but he's not here." Or "Mom's just here and she's not here." So intentionally putting it away, which totally shows them respect and honor and says, "I wanna know you, I'm here for you." - [Jennifer] It lets them know that there's, I kinda mentioned this earlier, but it lets them know that they're special, that they're an individual from the family pack. - [Aaron] They're not just one cog in the whole piece, that they're a person. - Yeah, yeah. We also get to know them. You know what, like you mentioned studying your kids earlier and I feel like having that one on one time, you really get to know them, where they're at, what they're going through. Something that I mentioned Isaac and Angie Tolpin earlier from Courageous Parenting, and Isaac, he just has this really great tool that he uses with his family that he shared with us, and he really is good at this, like naturally. But he talks about going three questions deep and this is a great tool to use for little kids because sometimes you ask them a question and either they don't fully understand, or they don't know how to answer it and so by asking the same question three different ways you get to pull from their heart. And so maybe you guys can just tuck that away or go look up Courageous Parenting and check that out but he talks about going three questions deep. But Aaron, why don't you give them some examples of what kind of questions they can ask on these dates with their kids? - [Aaron] And this isn't the definitive list, of course. - [Jennifer] No, no, but just some things that we go through. - [Aaron] Yeah, and the idea is, and it's a challenge, is I wanna be deeper than just like, "Hey, how are you? "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" Which I love those questions, but we wanna be able to go deeper so, "What do you know about God?" Which is a great question for discipleship, because then you get to find out like, where they're at in understanding God. - [Jennifer] They may say some off the wall thing that you might have to correct. - [Aaron] Yeah, or they'll blow your mind away and you'll be like, "Wow, I didn't even, "I've never thought of that about God." - [Jennifer] Or how do you know that 'cause I didn't teach you that? - [Aaron] Yeah. Another question is "What has God been teaching you?" Which actually makes them think like, "Wait, God teaches me things?" And then they can think like, "Oh, well, maybe to be more patient with my sister." Something like that. "What have you been interested in lately?" And you might already know the answer-- - [Jennifer] Well I was gonna say their interests can change so you might know the answer, but it could also surprise you. - [Aaron] Yeah, 'cause like forever Elliot loved Iron Man, and now it's Spiderman, but now it's not even Spiderman, it's Zelda. - Zelda. - So-- - Link. - [Aaron] "How are your relationships with your siblings?" - [Jennifer] This is a really good one for kids, that they are recognizing that their relationships with their siblings are important, and so they'll most likely be honest with you about how they are. Go three questions deep though. - [Aaron] Yeah. A good question is, "What things have you been frustrating, "or have been frustrating you lately?" Ask them like, "Hey, have there been things "that have been bothering you? "Are you frustrated with something "or do you feel sad about something?" - [Jennifer] Something that I've been used to asking when I have one on one time with the kids, like Elliot and I just ran an errand recently, and he jumped in the car, and we were headed over to my sister in law's house and I just asked him, "Hey, bud, how's your heart? "What's going on? "What are you thinking about lately?" So just things like that are really good. And then the last one Aaron. - [Aaron] This is a hard question to ask your kids. You know, sometimes they won't even know how to answer this but if you wanna honestly know the answer, and you honestly ask it, it's "How have I been doing as your Mom? "How have I been doing as your Dad? "Is there areas I can grow in? "Is there things that I do that bother you, frustrate you?" Now it doesn't mean that their answer is always gonna be applicable or right but it's a way of honestly saying, "I care how my children view me." Not that I just-- - Maybe they'll be, maybe they'll be really affirming and they'll encourage you. - [Aaron] Well and younger, they're all, "You're the best Dad ever!" And you get you're probably not or you don't feel that way but as they grow up, and they know that you care, they know that you want to know. - [Jennifer] And if we see this as a longevity thing, like an investment, then each time that we're with them, and we're asking these kinds of questions, we're asking this specific question-- - [Aaron] They might start thinking of better answers. - [Jennifer] Well, not just that but in their own maturity and development they will have more deeper, right? But you've prepped them over the years on answering. - [Aaron] Well and what it's also doing is building in them a trust of-- - You can tell me. - Mom and Dad wanna know, and I can tell them. - Yeah you can trust me. - They wanna know things and I want to tell them things and I wanna share with them. So it's this open line of communication and it's not just not having deep, if we as parents early on think "Oh I'm not, "I can't have deep conversations with my kids." Then when they're older, it's not gonna just start out of nowhere. - Right. - So we gotta start now, even if the conversation doesn't go deep, at least you're teaching your children like, "Hey, let's communicate, I want to hear from you." - That's good. - You know? - [Jennifer] So we were talking about the benefits of why we do this, why we have one on one time with the kids and we took a little side tangent to talk about questions that we asked them on these dates but let's finish up with this list of just some of the benefits. - [Aaron] And one of them is you get to know them. Remember we talked about we wanna like our kids. You get to know your kids. - [Jennifer] You get an opportunity to speak into their life. - Yeah. Going back to the whole continuing that open line of communication, you want your children to come to you for advice, you want your children to talk to you. So speaking into their life-- - [Jennifer] Here's two of 'em, I'm gonna share fun for both of you. Just whatever you're gonna go do, and it doesn't mean you have to spend money, I mean-- - [Aaron] I'll say this though, fun is a heart position and it's a posture you have to take. You have to decide in your heart this is going to be a fun thing not a inconvenient thing. Because I have hard time with that. I can be like, "Okay, this is inconvenient, "I have other things I want to be focusing on." But if we say, "Nope, this is gonna be a fun thing. " I wanna spend time with my kid." - [Jennifer] Well and you can look at fun and say, "What's something that I think would be fun "that I wanna invite my child into?" Or you can look at it from their perspective and say, "What would be fun for them?" And the other one I want to share, I already touched on it earlier, but it's building those memories and allowing your children to build those memories of having fun and doing something with just Mom or just Dad. - [Aaron] Another one, it's just logistically, especially when your family starts growing, taking one or two of the children out of the home helps the other parent also, it gives the dynamic of reprieve, it allows for other things to take place, it allows your wife or your husband to have time to themselves or with the other kids. So there's just a strategic, logistical thing that happens with taking one of the kids. And then also, your kids begin to look forward to it. - Yeah, even if it's spontaneous, they still know "Mom and Dad love me and they like me--" - "This is something that happens, "I'm gonna get time alone." And you know, it also opens that opportunity that our kids come to us and they say, "Can I go on a date with you?" They actually invite us on dates, they long for those times alone with us. - [Jennifer] Yeah. I'm gonna run through a couple benefits just for the parents' sake, investing into this relationship long-term. So casting that vision of, kinda like when I said when I was sitting at the table with Olive, it felt like how it would be sitting with her at the coffee shop at 16. - [Aaron] Which is exactly what you're doing. That's a pattern you're building of, if you want to be sitting when your child's 16, 17, 18, 20 and you have that deep close relationship, it doesn't start then. - Right. - It starts right now. - So. We admit, we don't have a 16 year old, but I would assume that if we haven't been putting in the time and investing in that way, when they're 16, are they gonna want to spend that quality time with us? - Well, I hope so. - Well, yeah, but I think the investment comes way earlier on and I think we need to be mindful of that. - [Aaron] Well, and I'll throw a shout out, Isaac and Angie Tolpin from Courageous Parenting, they do have older children and this is what they say. They say, "Hey, we started early investing in this "'cause we wanted our children to want to hear from us, "want to spend time with us." And they do. So we have examples in our life that we get to look at and say, "Well, let's just start now "and let's follow that example." - [Jennifer] Another benefit is Aaron you mentioned that that whole heart posture of kids being inconvenient, like being an inconvenience, and so when you think about one on one time with your kids, going to spend that quality time with them reinforces that they're important and special to your heart, so that it doesn't feel like a burden, the day in and day out of things that you're doing with them, because even you start to look forward to spending that quality time with them and then you get to have fun. Like when I think about taking my kid for a treat, sometimes it's even spontaneous to us in that, "Hey, there's this window of opportunity "and I wanna go share it with them." I like a treat, I like coffee, I like hot chocolate, I like a good conversation and so it's a benefit to us in that way. And then the last one, which Aaron you touched on, but it alleviates the other parent who's with the other kids for a brief time. So if I take one or even two of my kids, and I go on a date with them and you're at home with the other ones, it changes the atmosphere a little bit and I think it's nicer and easier. - [Aaron] I'll say this also, not just on the date side of things, we've kind of made a commitment to each other, it doesn't happen every time but if any one of us are ever gonna go run an errand, we always take one or two. - It's an opportunity! - It's an opportunity for the children and it also is an opportunity for your spouse and it's called this, it's divide and conquer. It's this idea of like-- - Except you enjoy it. - [Aaron] Yeah, but you enjoy it. So it's a pretty smart strategy for not always having the burden of all the children all the time on just your wife or just your husband. It's this idea of like, we're gonna work as a team so that this parenting thing doesn't feel burdensome all the time. - Yeah. - 'Cause sometimes it does. - [Jennifer] Okay you guys, we've shared a lot, but we also wanted to share some cool practical date ideas to spend time with your kids and these are just a handful, there are so many more, and especially when you think about different age categories, 'cause different kids will be interested in different things. And we also just wanna be clear that you do not have to spend extra money on these things. You can make it as simple as going for a walk around the block and heading to the park, playing catch with your son or daughter, or you can save up and go to a nice dinner with them. But we just wanna reiterate that you don't, it doesn't have to be a painful experience as far as finances or time. - [Aaron] And our kids are, they're super complicated but they're also very simple. - Yeah. - Time. - Yeah it's time. - They want presence and time. So like, I would imagine my son Elliot, if I just took him to the top, we have a hill, a butte that we can go look up on top of at sunset or sunrise, he would just love that. - Yeah. - And it's free. We just take the time to do it. - [Jennifer] So here's the thing, don't let anything keep you from excusing your way out of this. If you're a parent, and you have a child or children, no matter what their age is, it's important to spend quality time with them and have one on one time with them to have those conversations and share with them your heart and hear their hearts and really just invest the time into that relationship and I think this is a good word and warning to all of us as parents, especially looking at the longevity of our relationships with our kids and where we want to be with them when they're older. - Yeah. And just a note, imagine or realize what you as an individual need and desire. Don't you want your spouse to spend quality time with you, alone time to get to know you, to look in your eyes and say, "Who are you? "What are you doing?" Jennifer we just had to talk about this. You know like, "Hey, I want you to get to know me, "I want you to ask me deep questions." - [Jennifer] Yeah. Even if you were to think about along those same lines there and if you were to think right now everyone listening about you as a child and what you desired most-- - [Aaron] I think about these things. - [Jennifer] Think about that. Spend some time today and really think about what did you desire most from your mom? What did you desire most from your dad? And if you have children, try and implement those things. Try and be that way. - [Aaron] I don't know if I'm right in this, but I would imagine the things that we wished we had the most, the things that we wish that we got from our parents are probably the things that we have the hardest time giving to our kids. I would imagine that's true 'cause we've seen in our own lives, like me, patience. That's something that my mom and dad struggled with with me at times, I'm not very easy person be patient with. And so patience has been something I've had to work really hard to give my kids. And so if you look at your relationship with your parents, I would imagine the thing that you longed for the most and probably didn't get is the thing that you might have the hardest time giving. But don't let that be the reason. Like say, "Okay, you know what, God help me in this. "I wanna give this to my kids. "I wanna give them that attention, that affection, "that patience, that gentleness that I didn't receive." - [Jennifer] And even without thinking about it, every person in the world, every human desires what? To be known and loved. So, bottom line, this is an opportunity for us to get to know our children, to let them know we know them that we're paying attention, and to give them that quality time where we're conversing with them about things and loving on them. - [Aaron] Okay, let's give some ideas. These are practical ideas for, and you'll have to look at this and figure out the age range, where your kid is at age-wise and say, "Oh, this would be appropriate or this would be applicable." - [Jennifer] And then talk to each other about scheduling and timing and like, is this something we can put on the calendar? What would be best? - [Aaron] And how does it work? Like practically? - And we would encourage-- - Is it once a month? Is it every week? - We would encourage you guys to take time doing it 'cause even Mom who's at home with the kids all day, she still needs that one on one time. So finding ways to give Mom that opportunity and then finding ways that Dad gets those opportunities. And every family will look different. - [Aaron] Okay, so here's some ideas, a meal date. Just picking a breakfast lunch or a dinner and going somewhere, maybe bring it, like you make a pack a lunch and you go to a park. - [Jennifer] Or bring 'em to either yours or theirs favorite restaurant. - [Aaron] Right and just you and them. - [Jennifer] Another one is grabbing hot chocolate and bringing a game along or coloring. Depending on their age. - Coloring, a miniature board game. - Yeah. - [Aaron] Something like, what's that dice game? Yahtzee? - I was gonna say Farkle. - [Aaron] Or Farkle, oh that's a fun one. - [Jennifer] But hot chocolate and I'm assuming as they get older, it might turn into a coffee date. But hey, that's fun. - [Aaron] Another idea is treat 'em to a treat, like a cookie or a bagel or a cupcake or something like that. A donut, we love donuts, and a devotional, bring some sort of like child appropriate devotional and just read it with them and talk to them say, "What'd you think of that? "Do you have any questions for me?" - [Jennifer] Or maybe you don't have a resource, but you have a very specific conversation that you want to share with them privately. Use that opportunity for that. Another one would be the trampoline park. Aaron, you're really good at this one. - [Aaron] I like this one. This one is a fun one for me. - [Jennifer] I feel like I'm always pregnant and so it's hard for me to feel comfortable jumping and I get dizzy really easily but you love taking the kids and the kids look forward to you taking them to the trampoline park. - [Aaron] And it gets a lot of energy out and you can do it with them. And it also requires, you're not gonna be on your phone because it's hard to jump on your phone. - [Jennifer] It doesn't have to be trampoline, it could be laser tag or something fun like that but it's just going to one of those places that is very kid friendly and having fun. - [Aaron] Another one that's free, a bike ride. - [Jennifer] Unless you don't have bikes. - [Aaron] Unless you don't have bikes, but-- - You could rent some. - You can go for a walk, but a bike ride, a lot of people have bikes. Go for just a bike ride around your block, go take the bike somewhere on a trail, and just have that time of going, stopping and looking at stuff and talking. - [Jennifer] Wear your helmets! Even you Mom and Dad, be an example. Another one is interest shopping, and what I mean by this is just for example, okay Elliot's so into Legos and we have this really cool local guy who has a Lego store and it's small and it's like a boutique, but you go in there and there's Legos everywhere. He has a personal collection that he switches that in and out. And so just taking a random afternoon to go check the Lego store. - [Aaron] And it doesn't mean even you have to buy anything. We tell our kids all the time we like to go look at things and we'll say we're not buying anything today, but let's go look. And then they're like "Okay," so their expectations are totally set and they enjoy looking at stuff. - [Jennifer] Yeah, so I say interest shopping 'cause it could be anything from window shopping down in a downtown area to eventually you know, your girl is 16 and she actually wants to go shopping so it could change depending on the child. - [Aaron] This next one's a free one also and Elliot loves this one, Barnes and Noble trip or library. What we do is we just go and Barnes and Noble's fun because you can go and they have so many different types of books and we'll sit in the back and he just picks a book up, starts looking through the pages, picks another book up. Sometimes he'll be like, "Hey Dad, read this one to me." We'll go sit down and I just read to him and it's just me and him and it's quiet in there. - [Jennifer] There's been a couple times you guys have come back with a gift for Olive or something like that. So using the opportunity as a thoughtful way to say "You're not gonna get anything, "but what would stand out to your sister or your brother "or your Mom or Dad?" Another one would be going to get ice cream. Go and get ice cream, go for a walk. Some ice cream places do like a factory tour, you could do something fun like that. - [Aaron] One more is, we got two more, run an errand. This is like a really practical one, I have to go do something, I have to go get the mail, we have to go to the grocery store, and take a child with you and they're your partner. So I'll take Wyatt and he's in charge of the list or Elliot will be in charge of the list of what we're getting and I'll say, "Okay, we're looking for this, what aisle that on?" And so it's like a fun, something that has to be done, but they're doing it with me and they're your partner in that job. - [Jennifer] And it's fun when you give them a job to do on that errand. I know you just mentioned that but I had just been thinking like yeah, they really think that they're valued and have responsibility in the family when they get to be a part of it. The last one that we want to share with you is just a special event. This could be as simple as volunteering to help someone move, so Dad and son go help so and so move or a baby shower, I think of all the times that I get to take Olive on a little date and share in an experience like a baby shower with her and so even something like that you can utilize an event opportunity to take your kids on a date. - [Aaron] And there's a ton of other things, our heart was just to get your mind on this. What are ways that you can get alone with your children and get to know them? And taking turns, Dad doing this, Mom doing this because they wanna know both of your hearts are with them, they wanna know that both of you know them, and that you desire to be with them and like them. And it also, yeah like you said, the pack, it shows that they're an individual amongst the family but that they're also a part of the family. - [Jennifer] And as I was just thinking about this, we shared questions that you could ask your child to be able to pull out that conversation from their hearts but also give them the opportunity to ask you questions. Say, "Is there anything that's been on your heart "that you want to ask Mom or Dad? "Anything that's confusing or you've been struggling with?" - [Aaron] Anything you want to know about me? - [Jennifer] Or yeah, you wanna know about me? So I think opening up opportunity for your kids to ask you questions would be a really huge benefit to the relationship by doing that. - Totally. So we hope that encouraged you. Hope we gave you a lot of good ideas to run with. - [Jennifer] The next time you go on a one on one date time with your kids, be sure to post a picture and share it on Instagram and tag Marriage After God so that we can see what you guys are up to. It'll be inspiring to all of us. - [Aaron] As usual, we end in prayer, so why don't you pray for us? - [Jennifer] Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of family. Thank you for the blessing of children. May we be people who are willing to make our children feel special and to feel seen and heard. Help us to spend quality time with them, building fond memories and moments that build our trust with them. Help us to carve out time to show our kids that we desire to be close with them and want to dialogue with them. We pray we would be fun and intentional parents with the purpose of teaching our kids Your ways. May our children have a heart to build a family of their own because they love our example and appreciate all that they have experienced. May Your love be woven into our legacy and may Your light shine in our relationships with our children. In Jesus' name, amen. - [Aaron] Amen. Thanks for joining us on this episode. If you haven't left us a review, please take the opportunity to do that now. We love reviews from our listeners. And also don't forget to get the new download. Or it's not a download, it's a challenge. The Parenting Prayer Challenge. You can go to parentingprayerchallenge.com, sign up, it's completely free and we'll send you prompts every day for the next 31 days to pray for your children. We love you guys, see you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.

This is a cool topic that actually came from some wives in the MAG community online who asked us to specifically talk about this. It is so encouraging to know that there are wives out there who are actively trying to understand how to help their husbands lead their home.What we believe about spiritual leadership is found in scripture.Ephesians 5:23-25 “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” PrayerDear Lord,Thank You for the gift of marriage. Thank you for the opportunity to consider these things and how we can mature as a couple. We pray we would walk in righteousness, gentleness and self-control. We pray we would be people who see others through the lens of compassion. Help us to be thoughtful in our responses to each other. Help us to be respectful in our conduct. We pray our interactions as a married couple would be a testimony of your power and authority in our lives. May your light shine brightly in us as we direct each other back toward you.In Jesus’ name, amen!Read The Transcript- Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. - Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. - And today we're gonna share how a wife can encourage her husband to lead spiritually. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. - I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. - And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. - We have been married for over a decade. - And so far, we have four young children. - We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media. - With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage. Encouraging them to walk in faith every day. - We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one. Full of life. - Love. - And power. - That can only be found by chasing after God. - Together. - Thank you for joining us on this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. - This is Marriage After God. - Hey guys, thanks for joining us on a new episode of the Marriage After God podcast. We're in season three and - It's so exciting. - I know. And I hope you've been enjoying this new season. We've been doing some fun posts. We've been doing some devotional style marriage encouragements and just, we're trying to make it a little bit more dynamic. - Dynamic, ah that's what I was gonna say. - A little bit more mixed content. I hope you're enjoying it. If you are, let us know on Instagram. Send us a message. Let us know what you think of the show. Also, we always want to encourage you, if you love an episode, if this is a particular episode that has blessed you, would you just take a screen shot of wherever you're listening to it at and post it in Instagram and tag, "Marriage After God." We love seeing those. We love sharing those on our own pages and it gets the word out. Let's other people know about it. - Okay, so I have to share with them. Knowing that we were going to be recording podcasts, I stopped by the local coffee shop. Shout out to Dutch Brothers. - Yeah. - They're really good. They're just one of those drive through coffee shops, but sometimes the people come outside to take your order and you know, I'm like, well into my third trimester. Very noticeably pregnant and I rolled my window down and he goes, "so what are we having?" And I said, "A girl!" He was-- - When you told me this, I thought you were kidding. - No. - I was like, oh, you got him good. - He was so embarrassed and he was like, "even if I ever assumed I would never say anything." And I go, "oh no, it's not your fault. "I just, I just gotten done on an appointment "and it's on my mind all the time "and people are always asking me "if we know what we're having." And we were just laughing about it. - That's really funny. And what's funny is you weren't kidding with him. You thought he asked you. - I thought it was a legitimate question, but he was wondering what kind of coffee we would take today. So that's funny. But I did wanna just give a little update on the pregnancy. You know where I'm at, it's been really good and hard at the same time. - It's been really hard. - Well, no complications. - This has been hard when-- - We shared about this already. No complications, but just, you know when you're chasing around four other little kids and your body is physically limited, it gets hard and uncomfortable at times. And so I've been feeling just a lack of energy lately. - Mmh hmm. - I've been feeling slower and being confronted with my, just physical limitations and that's hard for my mind to wrestle with 'cause my mind wants to go, go, go and do more and I can't. - A tip for husbands out there. If your wife is pregnant in her third trimester, just massage her feet and legs every night. - Yeah. - That helps a lot. - It's wonderful. - It's kind been where we've been at. - But all is good and I'm really exciting for the nesting phase to hit because I know that that's kind of like an extra burst of God's grace for soon to be moms. It just, it comes on. - A burst of endorphins. - Yup and you just go and you clean the things that you never even look at and it feels so great. And so, I'm kind of looking around my house going, nope, that's gonna wait for-- - The question will be is how long will it stay that way with our four other kids. - I know. Like the cleanliness, yeah. - Okay, we just wanna encourage you guys, everyone that's listening, we have some free downloads. - Mmh hmm. - We have two specifically, there's actually a bunch more, but the two I wanna talk about today is, "The Marriage Prayer Challenge." It's a 31 day prayer challenge where you sign up. It's completely free and we'll email you a marriage prompt, a prayer prompt and a reminder to pray every day for 31 days for your spouse. And you can go to MarriagePrayerChallenge.com and sign up for that for free and then our other free download, it's a new one. It's our "52 Date Night Ideas" ebook. We have, we came up with 52 unique date night ideas and so if you're looking to have a whole year of date ideas, just go to DateNightIdeas.com and sign up and download it for free. And those two free, well, those things, we created for you guys just to encourage you, to inspire you. So yeah, MarriagePrayerChallenge.com and DateNightIdea.com. - Cool, okay so, the topic for today is how can a wife encourage her husband to lead spiritually and when, how Aaron and I kind of set up and prepare for these podcasts episodes is we have a document that we both share and we kind of just, once we have the topic down, we'll go in every so often and add notes and look over it and share our thoughts about it. And I remember when I first went into this document, it just said the words, "honorably and gently." - I put all the notes I could come up with in there. - It was really sweet, but I just had to get that out of the gate because it was really cool to see your perspective of how, like what it takes for a wife to encourage her husband and those are two powerful words. - Yeah, to my defense, I actually did put more in there later. - I know. - I wrote down, and we'll get to some of those, but I wrote down a lot of the ways that you have encouraged me. - Yeah - Whether we've talked about it or not. - This was just the first note that I saw and I just wanted to add that because it was really cool. But this is actually a topic that came from the wives in our Marriage After God community and it was a question that kind of kept coming up in different ways and so we thought it would be fun to talk about it, discuss it. - Mmh hmm. - And encourage you listening. Both husbands and wives because marriage takes two. - Yeah and for the husbands and wives that are listening, husbands take note of the things that we talk about because even if your wife isn't encouraging you to be a spiritual leader, even if she doesn't know how to or hasn't started yet, it's important that we as men start stepping up in that role. Trusting the Lord. Chasing after Him and guiding our family closer to Him, to the word of God. - Yup. - And we do that by example. - Mmh hmm. - We do that by being faithful, trustworthy. - Yeah. - And so I just want to encourage the husbands. - I think that's really good and I think that as the husbands are listening, of course not using everything that we share as ammunition to go, "see, you should be doing this," - Oh absolutely. - but rather, use what we share today as an encouragement to you in how you should be leading. - Yeah. - And hopefully, it inspires you both today. - Yeah and just, I always bring this up. Our pastor, Matt, our old pastor would always say, "read your own mail." So, in those scriptures when it's talking to the wife on how she should be, we don't read that and say, "see, this is how you should be." - Because you've got the whole section yourself to be reading. - Yeah, I have my own mail I need to be opening up and reading and to honest, there's enough there for each of us to be doing our thing to not have to worry about how our spouse walking those things. - Mmh hmm. - That doesn't mean we can't encourage our spouse to be like, hey, I just want to encourage you, the way you were being, that was a little disrespectful. Or, like, we can always encourage each other. We're allowed to do that. Again, honorably and gently. - Yeah. - But there's so much in our own, in the scriptures that talk directly to us, that we should be just walking in. - Yeah. - In the spirit. And you know what, when we do that, our spouse, it's so hard for our spouse to not. - Mmh hmm. - Like when we're walking the way the Bible calls us to, it's gonna be really hard for our spouse, our wife, or your husband to not desire to walk in that way as well. - Okay so, first Aaron, before we get into the encouraging aspect of encouraging our husbands to lead, there's something else that you wanted to talk about. - Well, I think it's a good point that we should bring up of just where this idea of spiritual headship, spiritual leadership comes from, 'cause there's a lot of people who will be like, no, that's not right. it should be, this way or that way, but-- - It's not for Aaron and Jen. - It's not my idea. It's not like I came up with like, hey, the men should be in charge and the men should be leading. It's a biblical concept. It's the way, it's an order that God put in place and for His purpose, not for ours. - Right, so what we believe and how we operate in our family comes straight from scripture. - Right. - And that's what kind of where we wanted to start off on the foundational aspect of this. - Yeah and I want to encourage everyone that's listening that your desire should not be to live Aaron and Jennifer's way. - Mmh mmh. - Your desire should be to live the Bible's way. So you getting into the word and saying, wow, it says this. How does that play out in our marriage? - We're just big neon arrows pointing to the word of God. - Let's hope. - That's what we're here for you. - So Ephesians five, 23 through 25, the famous marriage scriptures. It says this. It says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, "even as Christ is the head of the church, "his body and himself at savior." So just real quick, it's not saying that the husband is the savior. It's saying that Christ is the savior of the church. But it's saying in that same manner, in the same manner that Christ is the head of His church, His bride, the husband is the head of the wife. And we talk about his in the Marriage After God book, that the picture of husband and wife, the symbol of marriage is to represent the gospel of Christ the Savior and His church, the bride. And so, that order of headship is specifically to highlight that, that point. So if I'm trying as the husband, if I'm trying to lead in a way that diminishes the gospel, I'm not leading well and I'm not walking in the spiritual leadership that God's called me to. So, if I'm being abusive, if I'm being vulgar, if I'm using my power that God's given me in abusive ways to manipulate, to control, that's not how Christ came. That's not how Christ loved His church. He came humbly. - Humbly, yeah. - And He came putting it, laying Himself down. That's exactly what the scripture's talking about. Giving himself up for her. And so, we don't just get to say, oh, see the Bible says I'm in charge, so now this is how I'm gonna do it. No, the Bible says I'm in charge, so I must do it His way. - His way, yeah. - The Bible's way. So, I just wanted to point out. - No, that's good. - But that's one of the first spots that we would run to in showing this headship, is the husband represents Christ. Your bride represents the church and that relationship represents how the gospel works. The redeeming nature, the love, the unity, the oneness of us being joined to Christ through His death and resurrection and so, headship comes straight from here and it also says, and when I read first Corinthians 11:3, - It says this, "But I want you to understand "that the head of every man is Christ. "The head of a wife is her husband "and the head of Christ is God." - What I love about this is it's showing this order again and saying the head of every man is Christ. It starts that way. It doesn't say that the head of every woman is man. It's not written that way. It says, "the head of every man is Christ," and what that means is my authority does not come from me being a man. It comes from Christ and Him saying this is the order I want. That, so we have to first realize that we are responsible to our own head, Christ. That the way I love and lead and disciple and walk, I'm directly accountable to Christ and He's gonna look at me and say, how did you walk in this authority I've given you? That's this is idea of derived authority. It trickles down. It's not just inside me because I'm a man. - Right. So, the second part of that is, "the head of thy wife is her husband," and this is very specific 'cause it's not that the head of every woman is a man-- - Yeah, which some people believe. - Well, can you clarify that? - Yeah, it's, this is specifically talking about the relationship again between a husband and a wife that me as a man in the church, I don't get to have every woman be in submission to me, - Right. - as Ephesians five, 23 would call a wife to be in submission to her husband. Women do not need to submit to me. My wife should, but that's it. I don't get to have any sort of extra authority in any other woman's life other than my own wife. So, we don't get to use this scripture as an excuse of women are in this position and men are in this position in the church and that's not what we do. - I think this order, God showing us this order is really important because when you're bringing two people into a single unity so that they're one, which you know, the scripture tells us, there's gotta be-- - Order. - There's gotta be order because otherwise you'll have two people trying to lead and what happens when that's going on? - Chaos. - Chaos because they're fighting for their own ways. They're doing their own thing and they expect the other person to follow and so this provides the outline. - Right, well and what's even more amazing is it ends with, "the head of Christ is God." There's a scripture that says, "Christ learned obedience "through the things that He suffered." Which is amazing because you're like wait, what? Not that He wasn't obedient. It's this idea of full obedience meaning even unto death, Christ was obedient to God. Christ, there's another scripture where Christ says, "I only came "to do what my Father has called me to do. "To go where my Father has called me to go "and to say that which my Father wants me to say." There's this perfect picture of Him being completely and perfectly in unity with God in His obedience to God and His will. - Which, I love this because it just further solidifies that Christ is our example. - Yup. - Right, Christ, it could have just been that Christ is God and that's the authority and that's it, but no, He says that, "the head of Christ is God." That means that Christ is in subjection to God's authority and if Christ is our example, then we need to follow. - Right and this is a big concept 'cause Jesus is God. - Yeah. - And God is God. And the Holy Spirit is God because we have this triune nature of God. Three individual persons, but one God head, right. But there's an order to it. - Yeah. - They've been in perfect unity since before the foundations of the world. So for all eternity, God, Christ and the Spirit have been in perfect harmony-- - They get it. - and unity, but it's in order. - Yeah. - God the Father. God the Son, God the Spirit. There's this order and it's showing us right here. It's saying, in the same way that Christ, God, has a head, God, God, right, It's kind weird. The husband is the head of the wife and Christ is the head of the church, and the head of man. So all this is showing is a derived authority trickled down. Christ got His authority from God. I get my authority from Christ. My wife gets her authority from me. This trickle down of roles and positions and we shouldn't go beyond that. We shouldn't try and extrapolate that and say, see, men need to have authority over every woman in the church. No, there's not a single woman in the church that needs to be submissive to me the way my wife should be submissive to me. She's the only one. Now, if we go back early on in Ephesians, right before this it says, it says, "Be in submission to one another "out of reverence for Christ." - For Christ. - Which is a command to the church as a whole, - Right. - Which means-- - Be unified. - Be unified. That each one of us in the body are not trying to be above another. We're trying to raise the other ones up, but that's not to be mistaken with people, 'cause people do this. They mistake that, saying, see, husbands should submit to their wives also. That's actually not what that's saying. That's a command to the church as a whole generally. People in the church should be in submission to one another out of reverence for Christ, okay. And then it goes on, it says, "wives submit "to your own husbands." It says, "your own husbands." Not to other men. It doesn't mean my wife needs to submit to any other men but me. And other women don't need to submit to me the same way my wife does. But generally, in the church we should be in a mutual submission to each other in the body, not in marriage necessarily. - Right, so this idea of leadership and headship, it's not something that you just get because you're a man. - Right. - Or men get because they're men and it's also not something that men are naturally good at just because they're men. It's something that they look to Christ and say, you're my example. You're my head. The authority comes from You and from God and I'm gonna walk in Your ways. - Right and then that leadership plays out when I'm doing it God's way. Now, if I'm not doing it God's way, does that mean I don't, that the wife doesn't have a responsibility? Again, going back to the reading your own mail. Whether or not the husband is walking in this way, which is why this episode's here, is the wife has a calling and an opportunity to walk in her own obedience to Christ. - Right. - And to walk a certain way that will bless her husband. - Yeah. - Bless her marriage and potentially change his heart and raise him up to be the leader that he's been called to be. So, I just wanna reiterate that men, we're accountable to someone. Wives, you're accountable to someone and it's Christ. And we each have an accountability and we need to make sure that we recognize that so that when we're leading our families, husbands, we recognize that we don't just get to lead it however we want. We lead it the way Christ wants. - Okay so, that was kind of laying the foundation down. I know people like to hear from us, so let's share a little bit about just our personal testimony of how we've been walking in this. You reading your mail about headship and leadership and me reading mine about submission. - Why don't we start with yours? - Okay, so, so I admit that I had this understanding that a wife was to submit to her husband, but of course, learning something requires the experience of walking through it and learning from mistakes. - Doing it. - And growing and allowing the Holy Spirit to convict our hearts when we're wrong and to submit to Him and be transformed by it. I would say that actually, the opportunity of marriage has helped me understand what submission is and what it looks like and I've gotten better at it over the years, but I wouldn't say I'm perfect. - Right. - But I, I know that it, in the beginning, it was easier for me to submit physically and what I meant by that is, I had this idea that wherever Aaron, wherever you would go, I would follow you. Whatever you chose to do, that would be an easy thing for me. I'm just gonna follow you. I'm gonna do it and I saw it as submission. But then there was all these other little areas that I didn't realize I wasn't submitting to you in. - Like me having a choice in something. Or desiring to go somewhere or something. - Yeah or trying to make a decision for our family that would change the way we functioned as a family or even, this was before kids and so, just between you and I, whether it was about health decisions or-- - Getting out of debt. - Getting out of debt. That was a really hard one for me. - Yeah. - And if people read the Unveiled Wife, they know about this. I think I might have shared it in Marriage After God, too. - You were not interested. - Well, I struggled because I saw it as your debt and I was very young and immature in my thinking and I didn't see us as unified in that and so submitting to your request of, hey, let's put this thousand dollars we just got, that we just earned from hard work and put it towards my school loan debt. I was like, uh uh. But what I found through the experience of walking through that with you is that when I did submit my heart and I said, "Okay, Lord, whatever you ask." I'm gonna do this and this was just one area but, being able to submit to you in that decision that you made for our family, it actually blessed me and it benefited me and I saw-- - Still does. - Yeah. Yeah, look at our, the years that have passed and becoming debt free, that's just one area that I feel like has really changed my heart in this area of submission to you and it does happen in all the little choices. I remember, just recently something happened where you, I wanted to go out to lunch 'cause I had a desire for a certain thing. I think it was a certain sandwich shop down the street and you said, "well, let's just eat at home," and I responded with the worst attitude and I said something like, "that's not what I wanted." And I did it in front of the kids. - At least you're honest. - Well, I'm really embarrassed but I was, I ended up leaving. I think I took Elliot with me and we were gonna run some errands and I was gonna go get my sandwich and the whole way there I just felt the Lord saying, "You need to call your husband. "You need to tell him you're sorry right now." Like, this is bad. And I remember telling you I was, "I'm really sorry "for the way that I responded to you in that moment," because I wasn't in submission to your decision to eat at home. I wanted what I wanted and I threw manipulation out. I threw my emotions out to try and get what I wanted and it wasn't right of me and so learning, even in the smallest of things, how to submit to you in my heart, in my actions, in my attitude, all of it. I don't know. I'm still learning this, but it really does benefit and bless our family when we walk in the order that God has provided for us. Told us how to do it. - Right and not just in the practical things, because to be honest, you've been blessed by submitting to me even in bad things that, like choices I've made, and submitting to me in things that you disagreed with. And the blessing isn't in that my bad choice turned out good or that my decision wasn't a poor decision, 'cause those things happen. I don't lead well all the time. The blessing in the encouragement and the power comes from your obedience to Christ. Your closeness to God. - Yeah. - Your, when it says that, "Christ learned obedience "through the things that he suffered," - Yeah. - sometimes that's the joy and that's the blessing, is like, regardless of your husband ever does the thing that you want him to or ever leads the way you want him to, the true power in blessing is in your obedience to God. - And I would say this to add to that, you're absolutely right. It's also, it builds trust. I'm trusting God because if I can see something, like you said, a bad decision or something like that that you're gonna make and I still submit to you, basically I'm saying I don't understand why you're choosing that but I'm gonna trust God with you and with what's going on. - And with my life and the situation. - And that has blessed us. Some of the opportunities with that that have come out has been a learning opportunity for you or a growth opportunity for me and it-- - Yeah, so when I think about this, I think of that first Romans eight, 28. It says, "and we know that for those who love God, "all things work together for good "for those who are called according to His purpose." So, Christian, raise your hand. Are you called according to His purpose? - Yup. - Yeah. Do you love God? - Yup. - Yup. So, even when you're husband's not leading well, does God, can God work that out for your good? 'Cause He promises to. And we may not know what that good looks like right now and it may not feel good and we talked about this feelings thing a couple episodes ago, but He's gonna work it out. - Yeah. - I like what you said. Trusting God. - Yeah, I didn't know you were gonna bring this verse up but as you were reading it and you were getting to the end of it, it says, "those who are called according to His purpose," and when I just think about marriage in and of itself, it's for His purpose. It's not for our purpose, although there's benefits to us. Because earlier you'd talked about what it represents and so when we submit to His order and we say, okay Lord, we're gonna walk this out. I'm gonna encourage my husband to lead. I'm gonna let him lead. He's gonna lead me, and the husband's over there saying, Okay Christ, I'm following You. I'm walking Your way, it's for His purposes. - Yeah, so I think that's a good, for the wife listening, heart posture is saying, Okay Lord. My life and my marriage is Yours and I want to practice trusting You. I want to practice loving You. I want to practice knowing You, and so this is one of the ways I'm gonna do that is walking in submission to my husband. - Yeah. - Even when I'm afraid of how he's making, the decision he's making. If I think he's wrong. - Yeah, well-- - It doesn't mean you can't encourage him, right? - Well, here's the truth. We cannot encourage our husbands to lead and feel confident in leading if we challenge every time they try. - You're right. Think about our kids. We have to give them opportunities to make choices, make decisions, do things on their own and if we never do that, they're never gonna get good at the things they wanna get good at, right. - Yeah. - So, even with your husband, just like anything, the moment they, and this has happened to us, I try and make a decision and there's an immediate fight, argument. - Confrontation. - Yeah, confrontational, or opposition. - Conflict, disagreement. - Like, no, I think that's a bad choice, rather than letting me figure it out. - And then going to the prayer closet with it. - I have enough room for it. And we've seen this time and time again in our own marriage. We've seen it in other marriages. This is the things is, we'll get messages from people saying, "how do I get my husband to lead, "'cause every time he tries, "I don't like the decisions he makes." And I'm just thinking he's never gonna figure out how to make better decisions if you're not gonna encourage him and say, okay, let's try that. I might not see how that's gonna work out, but I'm gonna follow you and let's see how that plays out. - If we do submit, if we do act out in submission towards our husband, then it's gonna require us to pray more for them - Oh yeah. - and the choices that they're making. I think all the wives need to hear that right now because how often are we praying for our husband's leadership? How often are we praying for the choices that they're making and how they're leading our family? That we want it to improve or that we want it to go a certain direction and that we're submitting those desires and things to the Lord. - And I would say, 'cause I'm just thinking about marriages where you have a super immature husband. Someone who just, the decisions they make are totally selfish decisions and those, that happens. You know, their hobbies or how they wanna spend the money. Where they wanna go or they just wanna leave and they just wanna, that's a hard place for a wife to be. I just wanna say my heart is broken for where you're at in your marriage, but for you, your prayer closet, getting on your knees before God and knowing that God loves you and your husband. - And that He has a purpose for it. - He has a purpose for what's going on. Just start praying that God captures that man's heart. - Yeah. - And pray fervently without ceasing. Pray daily, hourly, minute by minute for them and watch God move. And then also pray for opportunities. - Yeah. - Like very calm, gentle honoring opportunities to be like, hey, that's great if you wanna do that. I just wanna give you an encouragement. Would you consider how this is gonna bless us when you make this decision? - Yeah, respectfully communicate. - And how ever they answer, be like, okay, I just wanna encourage you to consider that. - That's great. - Love you. - 'Cause we have huge influence in our husband's lives in the way that they do make decisions. So, even if we don't feel like that's true, they're thinking about the things that we say and how we're saying them. - Yeah. - Right. - And I would also give an encouragement to wives to not be manipulative in the way they encourage their husbands to lead because I think sometimes there could be, oh yeah, I want him to lead as long as he leads my way. And so, doing, just using your emotional, emotions and the way you word things to get them to feel like their decision's bad and they should go with yours anyway, or, that's not how, no one responds well to those things. So just being careful how you're using your words and being prayerful in this journey of encouraging your husband. Again, prayer and running to the Father 'cause God's the only one who can change hearts. And that's what needs to happen in a lot of these men's lives. Husbands, if you're listening. If you're having a hard time leading, it's a heart problem in you that you need to go to the Father and say, change this in me. Why am I so afraid, or why is this so hard, or why am I feeling like I can't. Because even if your wife's not letting you, you should still be leading. - Yeah. - Because you can be an example in your home. - Okay, so real quick. For the relationship that the husband hasn't been spiritually leading and maybe the wife has, there could become a root of bitterness in her heart towards him and so when he does step up to try and lead, it can feel almost frustrating in the sense that he's doing it wrong or he's not doing it how she thinks he should. I know you mentioned all of that. - Well, she's been doing it for so long and now she has to like, wait, you're just gonna come in-- - How do you transition. How do you transition and sometimes that root of bitterness can get in the way and so I just wanted to call that out because you had touched on it briefly and I just, do you have any thoughts about that or an encouragement to a wife who may, there may be a situation that happens in the midst of them working together in the kitchen, how does she respond in that moment? - Yeah, well, it's even before that. If there is a root of bitterness like this, I've been leading and I've been doing this and my husband hasn't stepped up and there's this irked feeling. - Now all the sudden he's going to try. - Now you're gonna try or if you're gonna do it and you're not gonna do it my way. All those kinds of things. - How do they respond? - The first humbleness and repentance. - Yeah. - Within their heart. Saying, okay Lord. This is gonna be difficult, but I have been angry and bitter. And I just wanna repent that because I do want my husband to rise up. I do, I don't, say like, we need to tell the Lord, I don't want to get in the way of what You're doing in my husband's life. I actually wanna be a catalyst for what You're doing. I wanna be a part of it. - That's good. - So, I would just say start with humbleness and repentance. - Okay, so we're gonna move on and share just what are some ways that I have encouraged you to lead our family that's impacted you, 'cause I think hearing personal stories like this helps get the idea across. - So, I just have a list here. This is one of the things that I just wrote down notes of. Things that I've experienced that you've done for me that I felt encouraged me in my leadership. - Which, by the way, I had mentioned how we kind of prep our episodes. I didn't know you were gonna do this and so when I went in there to look over the episode. I saw this and I was so touched by it because I thought, oh, I didn't even know I was doing these things that have impacted you. So, I was really excited to hear this. - Well, thank you. So, the first one is you often ask me questions about the Bible. So, this does a bunch of things and we talked about this before. Scripture talks about this. It calls wives to go to their husbands and ask them questions. - Yeah. - And I know many wives would be like, well, I know more about the Bible than he does. Exactly. - Or I know where to go that would give me the right answer. - Exactly, like I have, oh, I have so and so or I have this Pastor or I have this podcast. Those things aren't bad. - Or whoever, yeah. - But just, ladies, listen. Listen to the power that this has in a husband's life. If every question you had about the Bible, even if you knew he didn't have the answer, if every question you had about the Bible, like you're reading scripture and you're like, this is weird or that's interesting or I wonder what he meant by that, and you went to your husband. You're husband's at home, he's watching TV or he's doing whatever, right, and you're like, hey, Hon, I was just reading in first John and it says, this, what do you think about that? And not in a facetious way. Not in way that sounds antagonistic, but genuinely wanna know what he thinks. - Yeah. - I would imagine in the beginning you'll have, what, what are you talking about? I don't know. Just go ask your pastor. I don't know. - Who knows. - Who knows how he's gonna respond, right. But imagine the 50th time. What do you think that husband's thinking to himself? He's thinking, she must think I have answers. She must think I know something, right? - I better know something. - She must believe or must be interested in my way of thinking about this. So, over and over and over again, running to your husband and saying, hey, what do you think about this? Hey, I read this. Have you ever read this before? What do you think it means? How do I know how to and over and over and over again you go to your husband and you ask these questions, eventually he's gonna start going to look for the answers. - Yeah, I would say space the questions out just so that he doesn't feel berated. Right, give him some breathing room because it could be, for some husbands, new. - Right, this is tactical. This is tactical. - No, it's not. It's a beautiful way that a marriage gets to look at the word of God together and so, my first thing is just give some space in between each question and then if you have a husband that's having a hard time answering those questions or maybe he forgets or maybe there's a lot of time that goes by and he never gets to that question, gets to answer that question, pray for him. Don't let that become bitterness in your heart that he's not answering your questions. - Yeah. - Let it become an opportunity for you to pray for him. - See it as a tool. Well first of all, the Bible tells wives to go ask their husbands questions. Second of all, over time that's gonna build up so much respect in him. When someone asks you questions, ladies, just think about this. If someone comes to you and says, hey I have this question. I wanna know your opinion, thought, idea, doesn't that make you feel so respected and honored? - Totally and I either wanna share right there what I think or I wanna go figure it out and then come back. - Yeah, 'cause that person really wants to know from you. Cool, so lets, I'm gonna run through a bunch of these and then we'll go a little deeper-- - Sometimes Aaron gets really excited, - I do. - and he starts teaching on a topic, but we're gonna share a little bit more about how you can encourage your husband specifically in just a little bit. But first, let's get through this list of what you came up with. - So again, these are things that I've seen you do for me. - Something I was gonna share real quick on this is one of the opportunities I always take is after a Sunday church service, if something stood out to me that I didn't understand, I'll come to you and say, "hey, what did "the pastor mean by this?" Or, "I'm kinda confused," or whatever the question is. - Right. - And so that's one opportunity and then, one of the things that we like to ask each other is, "what has God been teaching us lately?" So, I like that. - Yeah. So, the next one is, you encourage me in the things I'm already leading in. So, it's like this affirmation. You see me doing finances and you encourage me in that. Hey, thank you so much for doing, taking care of our family so well in that area. If you see me with my, doing something leadership wise with my kids, like discipling them, talking to them about something spiritual. Teaching them something, anything. - Positive reinforcement with words. - Oh yeah, so what you're doing is you're, and it, you're going out of your way to recognize leadership things in me and affirm those things. - Yeah. - You work hard to implement things that I have put in place. Which again, - I have a good example of it. - That's a submission thing and a leadership thing. - So, I had a good friend, Angie Tolpin from Courageous Mom, encourage me in home schooling to say, go to the husband, 'cause I'm there all day with the kids, but to go to your husband and say, what's your vision for home school? What do you want me to be teaching them? And then to take that vision and implement it and let your husband see the fruitfulness that comes from it. - Which gave me an opportunity to lead because I'm like, whoa, I didn't even think about that. - Now you gotta look into home school. - It took me some time to think about things that I cared about. - Yeah. - You did all the detailed stuff, all the standard things. - But you got to cast the vision and lead our family in that way. So, that's just one example, one area of what that looked like. - Which I kind of already mentioned this, but you reinforce my leadership with the children. So when you see me doing, leading my kids. Teaching them things. Encouraging them, you affirm me in that. - We also have to be unified in that. - I notice you were working on submitting to my leadership and yielding to my way of leading by laying down your plan-- - Can you see it in my eyes when I'm not? - Yeah, or inviting me to make the plan. These things encourage me and show me like, oh, she wants me to lead. - I used to come to Aaron at the beginning of, not every day, but important days and I'd say, okay, here's kind of like my expectations and what I want today to be like. - You could tell me yours afterwards, but this is what I want. - I've gotten into it but I still do that at times, but I do, I've gotten into a better habit of going to him on those days and going, hey, what were you thinking about today? Let's talk about this. I'm trying. - Well, you have gotten better and I've also raised up in that area. - Yeah. - So. - Being thoughtful. - Yeah, so we sit down and we'll discuss the plans for the week. It doesn't mean that you don't have a voice in it. - Right. - You're expecting me to lead in that. You've reminded me of what the Bible calls me to do in a loving way. So, there's been times that you said, "hey, I just want "to remind you that this week's coming up. "There's gonna be these things. "I'd love for you to put your heart on "and your mind of what you see for us. "How do you want this to play out? "Remember, that's your role. "I'm looking for you to do this in my life." And so you just in loving, gentle ways, saying "hey, God's called you to this. "I'm looking forward to it. "I'm excited for it and I'm reminding you to do it." - Yeah, no, that's really good. And I think there's been other times where just the way that I hear you talking with the kids, if it's a little harsh, I'll say, I'll remind you, gentleness. Sometimes it's just a one word phrase and other times it's just, there's actual scripture that comes to my mind that I feel like I need to share with you. - Yeah, there's been times in my life when I'm in sin, - Yeah. - And we're talked about this in our pornography episode - Oh yeah. - Awhile ago where you came to me and you actually spoke truth to me. - Jesus' words about adultery. - Instead of giving me your heart in your words, which you definitely had those, - Yeah. - you give me the word. - His words, yeah. - You showed me what you're doing is adultery. What you're doing, you're going to end up teaching our children. You need to walk in the freedom you have. You spoke all these truths to me in a very powerful way, but you reminded me what the Bible says. - Yeah, I want to admit to one more, but this is more like a failure slash warning for wives not to use scripture to get your own way and there's one scripture in particular that always comes to my mind when I'm frustrated at you or what you're doing and it's the one about, "husbands walk "with your wives in an understanding way." - You're not understanding me. - No, it's such a beautiful verse and I love it and I really do believe that you should be walking with me in an understanding way. - Yeah, of course. - But I shouldn't use, there's been a couple times where I've brought it up and I know I'm frustrated because I want you to understand me, but really, I just want you to yield to me. So, don't do that. - Right. - Don't do that. - You've gotten better on that. - Yeah. - These last two are really powerful ones. Ladies, wives, speak well of your husband in public to others. This is the most dismantling, one of the most dismantling, destructive things you can do is speaking down of your spouse in public. - Yeah. - You should never do that. That doesn't mean, like you're not, you're going to a confidential, a confident, a brother or sister in Christ to get advice and you're sharing situations. But that's not what this is and everyone knows when you're talking down about their spouse. - Here's the deal. If you're walking with the Lord, the Holy Spirit will convict you on those times that you're not walking faithfully and you are talking about your husband. - Okay, I get so frustrated about this and actually, if any of you that are listening have done this, I pray that you would think through it. Repent of it and change. I've seen people, public comments about their spouse. Oh, husbands and wives. Oh, my wife would never do this because of this, this and this, and I'm like, well, why are you telling everyone? Go talk to your wife about that. Or, I wish my husband would read this because he's this, this and this, and I'm like, whoa. - When you say public comments, are you talking about comments on social media? - Social media. - Okay. - And this is just, that's just one forum. - Yeah. - It's super public. Everyone sees it and I would just imagine, if I was that husband, I would be destroyed. And I think that's the point that they're doing it is that they feel destroyed so they're retaliating. - Yeah. - And so, I just want to encourage that we don't speak down about our spouses in public. My wife, Jennifer, you do this. Not speak down about me. You speak well of me. - Yeah. - Which makes me desire to live up to the words you speak about me because I hear it and I'm like, whoa, that's what she thinks of me. I didn't feel like that today. I didn't feel like I was being that way. So, speaking well of me in public is something that's been done that's been hugely impactful in my life. - I will say this just to encourage the wives who maybe have done this or it happens occasionally is in order to change, you have to repent and I remember years ago, it must have been within the third or fourth year of marriage, I went out to lunch with a friend and the conversation turned into this kind of complaining about you. - Complaining about me. - And I was on, I remember still where I was on the freeway feeling conviction from the Lord on how I spoke about you and I called that friend up and I was like, I have to apologize. What I said, what I did, it wasn't a good example. It wasn't what I should have done and I told you about it and I had to confess it. Otherwise I could have easily just stepped right back into it another time. And when we're confronted with our sin like that and we deal with it and we repent, it changes us. God changes us. And so I just want to encourage you, if you find yourself in the midst of doing something like that and the Lord convicts you, repent. - Yeah and again, I wanna separate this idea of sitting with a close girlfriend who's going to draw you back to the word of God, - Right. - and encourage you in saying, here's some things I'm dealing with. - I think we all know the difference. - Everyone knows the difference. - Versus I'm gonna tell you how much I'm bothered by my husband. - It's a heart posture. - It's totally a heart posture, So, speak well of people and of your spouse in public and then the last one is, Baby, you do this. You look to me for guidance pretty much for everything. It doesn't mean I have the answers all the time. I rarely have the perfect answer, but you come to me and say there's this, what about this. Hey, this things going in my, hey, I have this relationship thing, what do you think. So, that's become a pattern in our life. Coming to me for advise. - As it happens, I trust you more. I wanna hear from you more. I wanna get your perspective more and so, it's a building block, so like in marriage, you may not be at a point in your marriage right now where you feel that way. Where you desire your husband's perspective on something, but as you guys work through that and as you grow and you give him more opportunities for giving you advise on things or help walk you through certain things, you'll learn to trust him more. - So, that was really good. Let's talk about some of the benefits of walking in submission to his leadership. So, why don't you share some of the benefits you've seen from learning to walk in submission to and allow me to lead. - Okay, well, feeling loved and looked after. I feel like you truly are concerned with my welfare, our family's welfare and just when you make decisions or how you lead our family, it shows. There's evidence of that. - Just real quick. Husbands that are listening. Listen to these benefits because when you walk in leadership and walk in spiritual leadership, your wife's gonna experience the same benefits. - Yeah, totally. I feel like God's honored and glorified because we're working out that order that you mentioned earlier. - Yup. - And it's a stark contrast to the way that the world operates. It just looks different. So, they see that picture of marriage. I feel like there's less worry in my own heart because the burden is shared. So, if we are walking through something hard, I know, especially over time of submitting to your leadership, that I can trust you. I can trust God with you. What else? Our communication is better. I feel like we communicate more respectfully towards each other. Intentional discipleship of our children. - That's been a huge-- - Them seeing a good example of what it looks like for a daddy to lead and mommy to submit has been really cool and they get it, even at a young age. - It's amazing what they get. - Yeah. I feel like it provides an open and safe place for us to talk about things, especially biblical things. And if there is ever disagreement or misunderstanding on certain things, decisions that we have to make or concepts that are even in the Bible that we get to talk those things out and wrestle with them together. - Those are good benefits. - Yeah. - And it just, it's, yeah, it's obedience to God's order and it's a blessing. - Yeah. - When husband and wife are walking that way it's good. - It's awesome. - It's awesome. - Marriage is awesome. - Now, it doesn't mean you can't walk that way without your spouse walking their way. We're still called to read our own mail and walk in obedience to Christ. - Yeah. - But man, when you're both doing it, the ministry that you can do, the example you are to the world of the gospel is so beautiful. - Yeah, I will say this is another benefit, too, is that when we understand His purpose for marriage and His order and we're trying as hard as we can to walk, maybe it's not perfect, but we're walking in those roles and in those ways, we're motivated by an internal, eternal perspective that far outweighs any current circumstances that we face. So Aaron, wouldn't you agree that over time, the things that we face, the things that we have to walk through together are now, like after 13 years of marriage, they're much smaller to us in comparison to our view of what's motivating us, which is God, which is His-- - Well because we repent way quicker. - Eternity with Him. - We humble ourselves way quicker. We realize like, man the thing that we're really fighting about now, - Yeah. - is not worthy of this much attention. So, we back off quicker. We come to each other and say we feel dis-unified. - Right. - Let's work on that. Let's fix it. Our kids, we also recognize it in our children. When we have disunity, when we're not walking well with each other, - Yeah. - our kids experience that and respond to that. So, we wanna give some scripture. We're coming to the end. But here's just in the Bible. So, wives listening, if you have a husband that's not walking obedient, in obedience to the word, listen to what the Bible says. This is some of the most powerful scriptures, I think, to a wife on the power that she has in her husband's life. First Peter, chapter three says this. "Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands." Remember, that submission reference to your husband. "So that even if some do not obey the word--" - Now this could be a non-Christian or it could be someone who claims to be a Christian but is not obeying the word. He's not walking the way God wants. - Right, that's what I love about this is it doesn't distinguish. It's saying someone who does not obey the word. - Yeah. - It could be both. It says this, "they may be one without a word "by the conduct of their wives. "When they see your respectful and pure conduct. "Do not let you adorning be external. "The braiding of hair, the putting on "of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear. "Let your adorning be the hidden person "of the heart with an imperishable beauty "of a gentle and quiet spirit which in God's sight "is very precious." And so, the point of this is, it's saying, in stark contrast to letting your outside appearance be the thing that is attracting and is getting the attention, it's not saying don't wear these things. It's saying don't let that be what you're using as your adorning. The thing that you're putting on to show who you are. Who you are should be that respectful and pure conduct from within and what it says right here, it says, "they may be one without a word." So, you want to win your husbands' hearts, not just for you but for them to be a leader. For them to raise up and sort of obeying the word of God. It's your conduct. Your gentle and quiet spirit, which is amazing. What that means is, wives, you can actually walk in such a way before your husband in your home that could transform them by the way they walk. Like, why are you so respectful? I'm this way and you just keep serving and you keep loving and you keep forgiving and you keep showing me by example what it looks like. That's powerful. - Yeah. - And so I just want to encourage with that scripture is like, the Bible says it, so you can trust God that it's saying wives, if you walk in this way, this is power in your husband's life. - I love how specific it is that it says, "without a word," because I think that often times we get creative with our words. Women, we know how to talk and we talk a lot sometimes. And sometimes we think that our words are gonna change our husbands. We think that if we say something enough. - I just need to get him to... - Right and so I love that there's a distinguishing note there, that, "without a word." And that shows the power of, like you said, our conduct and our behavior and the things that we choose to do. I think if we slow down and really meditated on this verse and understood what God was trying to teach us through it and walk it out, man, your husbands will be influenced by this. - Let's take it a step further. So, the wife represents the church. The symbol of the church, right. And what power does the church have in this world? Our conduct. - Mmh hmm. - It says that, "the world may know that you "are my disciples by the love you have "for one another." In other places it says, "that the world may know "that God sent Me by the love you have for each other." - Yeah. - So, wife, your conduct is that symbol and representation to your husband. - Yeah. - And church, our conduct is a body of Christ, is that symbol and light to the world. That's what that's representing. - In Proverbs 3, 5-6, it says, "Trust in the Lord "with all your heart and do not lean "on your own understanding. "In all your ways acknowledge Him "and He will make straight your path." And what I love about this in support of the verse we just read is coming back to our words. Sometimes we think our way is the right way and we're just gonna speak those words and we're gonna say that thing over and over and over again, but here God's saying trust me, lead on my understanding and I'm saying don't use your words, use your conduct. And so we need to pay attention. We need to acknowledge Him. We need to acknowledge His word and what He's sharing with us. - Amen. So, let's just end on five simple ways that they can start encouraging their husbands. Of course, we talked about all the ways I've seen you do it. - Yeah. - But there's just five ways. I'll do one, you do one. So, number one. Pray for him that he embraces his role as a future leader. - Number two, ask him to wash you in the water by the word at night or in the morning and if you don't know what I mean by that, Ephesians 5 25 says this. "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church "and gave Himself up for her "that He might sanctify her, "having cleansed her by the washing of water "with the word so that He might present the church "to Himself in splendor without spot "or wrinkle or any such thing, "that she might be holy and without blemish." And so, getting in the word together. Talking about it. Making those safe places for you guys to ask questions, for you to ask him questions and get answers and learn together. - And don't become bitter if it takes time. - Yeah. - Just keep asking. Say, hey, when you're ready, I'd love for you to read to me. I'd love for you to talk to me about the Bible. - Yeah. - Which leads to number three. Ask him spiritual questions and questions about the word of God before searching it out on your own, which is super respectful and powerful. Just going to him and say, hey, I'd love to know your opinion on this. I'd love to know what you think about this. And just do that. Make that your pattern of, go to him first. - Yeah. - Don't go to your, you know, whoever you listen to on your podcast or who, blogs you follow or your pastor. Go to him first and then go to those places. And that let's him know that you totally respect him. First Corinthians, 14:35 says that is there's anything that they desire to learn, talking about wives, "let them ask their husbands at home." - And I will say this. I think you'll be really surprised by your husband's answers when he does share them with you. I've had girlfriends in the past tell me, you know, I'm not good at asking my husband questions, but I asked him recently, duh duh duh tah duh, and this is what he came back with, and she shared his response and it was incredible and then she got to affirm him in that and it built his confidence. - Yeah, which is number four. - You guys are so cool. Number four is affirm him with kind words. Let him know that you believe he can do this. - Yeah. Number five is be supportive in action. Meaning in front of the kids, being on the same page. If he has a decision, be like, let's do this. We're gonna do this as a family. Dad has made a decision. This is what Dad's decided. Showing him that you're rooting for his leadership. - And that means that things don't change when Dad steps outside of the home to go to work or Dad goes to run an errand. - You instill things that he's desired. - You are the, the mediator between you and your kids and you're going to be an advocate for his vision, for his decisions, for his leadership for them. - Yeah and just as encouragement, this, sometimes this takes times. This always takes time. But Jennifer and I, we're still learning how to do this. I've failed often. Jennifer fails often. This is something that we have to constantly be like, hey. We gotta get realigned. I know I have to remember my role. You have to remember yours. Let's do this. So we just want to encourage you to take those steps in prayer. To desire what God desires. To be in the word of God and yeah, just follow. His ways are good and we just need to chase after those. So as usual, we end in prayer. We pray that this episode encouraged you and so, let me pray. Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for the opportunity to consider these things and how we can mature as a couple. We pray we would walk in righteousness, gentleness and self control. We pray we would be people who see others through the lens of compassion. Help us to be thoughtful in our response to each other. Help us to be respectful in our conduct. We pray our interactions as a married couple would be a testimony of Your power and authority in our lives. May Your light shine brightly in us as we direct each other back to You. In Jesus' name, amen. We love you guys. I hope this blessed you and encouraged you. Just get into those scriptures yourself. And we just want to remind you, if you have been following us for awhile and haven't left a review yet, would you please do that today? Just scroll to the bottom on your app, hit the star rating and if you write out a review also, we love reading those. Again, thank you for joining us and we look forward to having you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at MarriageAfterGod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.

In this episode, we answer questions for our community about having children, birth control, how many kids to have and more.Please also take a moment and download our free 52 Date Night Ideas eBook.http://datenightideas.com PRAYERDear Lord,Thank you for the gift and blessing of children. Thank you for creating and designing us with the ability to recreate, what an incredible miracle life truly is. We thank you for the opportunity to build our family and have children. We pray for others who either have not had children yet or in awaiting their first in anticipation. May you lead them in the way you desire them to walk and to grow together. We praise you for all those who have children and we also pray for those who can’t have children for whatever the reason may be. You are sovereign and we trust you. We continue to surrender our hearts to you as you lead us in parenting and raising our children to know you. Please help us with our fears and insecurities. Please remind us every day of the purpose we have with our family. May your name be glorified.In Jesus’ name, amen! READ FULL TRANSCRIPT- [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. - [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. - [Aaron] And today we're gonna answer some of your questions about having children. - [Aaron] Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. - [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. - [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. - [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. - [Aaron] And so far, we have four young children. - [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry onlinae for over seven years through blogging and social media. - [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. - [Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life. - [Aaron] Love. - [Jennifer] And Power. - [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. - [Jennifer] Together. - [Aaron] Thank you for joining us on this journey as we chased boldly after God's will for our life together. - [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. Hey, everyone welcome back to another episode of Marriage After God. We're happy to be with you and we're really excited about this episode, and just being able to answer your questions. So doing Q&As is gonna be just an awesome new feature of the podcast where every couple of weeks, we're gonna poll our trusty community on Instagram and ask you guys what questions you have, and hopefully get some answers, well I should say opinions. - [Aaron] Yeah 'cause we have all the answers. - [Jennifer] No. - [Aaron] On everything. - [Jennifer] We don't but you know what, we're happy to explore these questions with you. And so thank you to everyone who shared these questions with us, and specifically about about having kids which we have a little bit of experience with. And so we'll dive into that in just a bit. All right, so one thing that we really are excited to share with you guys is that we have a new freebie for all of you. - [Aaron] So everyone has already did the free prayer challenge. - [Jennifer] Right. - [Aaron] They already got the date night conversations. - [Jennifer] You better, we've been sharing about those two for a while. So I begged Aaron, and I was like, "Let's do something new. "We've gotta do something new." - [Aaron] So this one is date night ideas. It's a free download. It's a list of 52 date night ideas which you could do one a week for the whole year. - [Jennifer] So is this something we're committing to? We're gonna go through all of these and do them? - [Aaron] Sure. - [Jennifer] Let's do it. - [Aaron] Let's see how it goes. - [Jennifer] I think that would be so fun. - [Aaron] So if you wanna get this freebie, this download, you just go to datenightideas.com and you can download our free ebook with 52 date night ideas. - [Jennifer] And the goal is one a week but if you can't do one week, do three a week. It's fine-- - [Aaron] If you have to do one a day, you know what, you can get done faster-- - [Jennifer] Have fun with it. - [Aaron] And just do it all over again. - [Jennifer] Have fun with it. No, but you can use these whenever you want and you can even sift through them and pull from it. - [Aaron] You know what would be fun is if they downloaded this and then found another couple to do a challenge with. How many they can get done in a year? - [Jennifer] Interesting, the other thing you could do is print them out and cut them out and stick them in a jar and pull them out randomly. - [Aaron] Yeah. - [Jennifer] That would be fun. - [Aaron] That's a great idea. Datenightideas.com, one word and it's free. Go get it, so the topic we're talking about, these Q&As, they're all on a similar topic. We polled our followers on Instagram and many of the questions were around children. Having children, children after marriage. - [Jennifer] So we're like let's stick them all in one episode so we can hit them all at once. - [Aaron] And so we're just gonna, some of these we're gonna wing answering. If we don't have good answers, we might say we don't know. We're not afraid to say we don't know. - [Jennifer] And just keep in mind that these are just our positions on these questions. How we would answer them based off of our experience and knowledge and-- - [Aaron] And things that we know of the Bible. - [Jennifer] Things that we know of the Bible and what we believe in so-- - [Aaron] Take it for what it is. - [Jennifer] Yeah and thank you guys again for asking these questions and sharing them with us and we really appreciate that. If you wanna jump on board for the next Q&A, just follow along on Instagram @marriageaftergod. - [Aaron] And you can always send us your questions in a message and we may not answer it in the message but we'll take down the question and potentially answer it in a future Q&A episode. We'd love to get those from you. So why don't we just jump right in to the first question and this is a doozy I feel like 'cause it's controversial, it could be. - [Jennifer] It could be yeah. - [Aaron] And they ask us their question and they said, our view on birth control. - [Jennifer] So what's your view on birth control? - [Aaron] That's a good question. - [Jennifer] It's a big question. - [Aaron] Okay, next question is, no I'm just kidding. Our view on birth control. - [Jennifer] Let me share my point of view first. - [Aaron] Okay, go ahead. - [Jennifer] I'll just be honest. I went on birth control 'cause that's what I heard you do when you get married. And so I went on the month before I got married and I chose to go off of it a month after we were married. So I was on it for a total of two months and I got married at 21, you were 22. And we were so excited married and so excited to-- - [Aaron] Be with each other physically. - [Jennifer] Yeah, experience what sex was like and it was awful. I'm just gonna be honest. It was very painful for me and so I scrambled, you guys. I tried to figure out why is my body responding this way because it was my body that was keeping us from experiencing-- - [Aaron] Physical intimacy. - [Jennifer] Healthy, physical intimacy. And so one of the things that came to my mind was something that was super obvious because over the course of that month of being married, not only were we having these issues but I gained a lot of weight. I got acne. - [Aaron] There was a lot of things going on. There was emotional stuff. - [Jennifer] Emotional ups and downs and mood swings and it was awful and I didn't feel myself. And so the obvious question then is what happened in the last few weeks that has changed me? - [Aaron] Other than getting married. - [Jennifer] I know it's a big transition. - [Aaron] I that that guy you married can make you feel crazy, I get it. - [Jennifer] But we narrowed it down to birth control and so I chose to go off of it and I haven't regretted it. - [Aaron] And it didn't fix everything but it did actually drastically change your mood. - [Jennifer] And some of the physical things that I was-- - [Aaron] Some of the physical things you were experiencing. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] So that's an experience you had with birth control. We know tons of people use birth control. I also know that there is certain people that say birth control is a sin. I'm not gonna go that far. I'm not gonna make statements like that. What I will say is I'm not an advocate for opting to put a chemical in your body to adjust and manipulate how your body is naturally meant to work. So that's my, you're meant to do a certain thing. Your body has been created to do a certain thing and birth control is meant to stop that thing from happening, to manipulate the way your body responds to certain things and I don't think that's great. We have a lot of stuff going on this world. A lot of sickness, a lot of problems and for us to be healthy and to do something like that to our healthy body, I don't think is very wise, personally. - [Jennifer] So just to clarify for those listening, you're not saying that you won't put anything on or in your body that helps stimulate positive things to happen in your body. You're saying, you wouldn't do something that would stop the natural function of your body. - [Aaron] I'm saying I don't think it's a good idea to put something in our bodies electively to stop the natural. - [Jennifer] That alters the natural. - [Aaron] Yeah 'cause there's, again, I'm not gonna. The question is about all the other things that happen in this life, we know taking things when you're sick. - [Jennifer] I was gonna say there's supplements and there's oils and there's things that are out there. - [Aaron] Right, that's different than I'm gonna take this birth control to stop my ovulation so that we don't get pregnant. I'm not gonna do that. That's just my personal perspective on this. And to be honest, there's most things like medically that I'm a little hesitant on just because I like to stay mostly natural as much as possible. But this is about birth control. I'm just saying that taking a woman's body, putting something in it to stop her from doing what it's naturally meant to do doesn't sound wise to me. Now on the spiritual side of things, we have to always ask ourselves the question of why are we trying to stop ourselves from having kids? Why are we trying to protect against that? And there's tons of worldly wisdom that we receive on why we should wait and what, there's this and that. And don't you wanna travel? Why don't you establish your marriage first? And none of those things line up with the things that we hear about in scripture about children being a blessing. That it's good for women to have children. People prayed when they were barren because they wanted children and all these positive. It's positive, positive, positive but our generation and the last couple of generations has heard the message of negative. Children are a hindrance. Children get in the way. Children are difficult, they're expensive. They're hard, some of these things are all true. Not all of them but some of these things are true but not in the sense of they're not a blessings. Not in the sense of we shouldn't do it. I think we should always be asking ourselves about our heart posture towards children because God's heart posture towards children from the words of Jesus. "Let the children come to me", that's what he said. - [Jennifer] I love that, that's so beautiful. - [Aaron] Don't hinder the children. - [Jennifer] That's really good. I was gonna say that personally, we think that it needs to be thoughtfully considered not just in its physical impact on someone's body but its spiritual impact. And I think you just hit it on the head with being a heart posture. - [Aaron] Absolutely. - [Jennifer] And asking ourselves why. - [Aaron] Yeah and what do we believe about God? Is he good? Does it give us good things? And has he made us a certain way? And yeah those are all true. So we don't believe in birth control, the chemical form. I would say do any form of birth control, and we're about to have our number five so everyone can logically find out, we don't do birth control. We would probably lean towards just what's it called? The rhythm method? - [Jennifer] Natural planning. - [Aaron] Natural planning. And again, that's not even perfect. It's more of to our own abilities, we're just gonna try and plan around this and if God gives us a child, we're gonna be stoked. - [Jennifer] Yeah, all right let's move on to number two. Okay number two says, what made you wait to have kids? - [Aaron] Made us is a good word because half of it was physical. - [Jennifer] I was gonna say this is a two parter for us. - [Aaron] We just talked about how we couldn't have sexual intimacy. - [Jennifer] Yup. - [Aaron] So it was not impossible but highly unlikely 'cause it was . - [Jennifer] We weren't doing the thing that makes the babies. - [Aaron] Yeah, the thing that makes the babies wasn't happening so there was no babies being made. And then the second part of that is, and this might have been out of a bitterness because we couldn't be with each other. I have feeling that some of it was from that bitterness but also some of it just straight from our own selfish pride. We would tell people, they would ask us when are you guys gonna have kids? And we'd be like, oh we're not gonna have kids for a while or maybe ever because we're too selfish. - [Jennifer] We like sleeping in. - [Aaron] We like traveling. We like this, we like that. We said these things out loud. This isn't thoughts we had. - [Jennifer] And I would agree. Some of it was probably just to give them an answer 'cause we weren't gonna straight dig into well, we can't have sex. So we found a different way to answer it but I think at the core, we truly believe those things as well. We were selfish. - [Aaron] I remember I would pridefully say it like it was something to boast about. - [Jennifer] Looking back-- - [Aaron] You are too selfish. - [Jennifer] Looking back that's so embarrassing. - [Aaron] I know what a fool I was that I would actually say that. God's looking at me at like I know who you are. - [Jennifer] I love you Aaron. - [Aaron] I was like a little child to him and he's patient with me, thank God. But what a fool that I would just boast about my selfishness which is opposed to God, to be selfish. I was literally boasting about my opposition to God. - [Jennifer] I wanted to share a little bit about this question. What came to my mind is well the physical. We couldn't and the selfish but I was also really terrified of having children and I don't remember it being a super affirmed thing growing up. And even though I came from a big family, it wasn't like I had this dream to have a big family myself. - [Aaron] And it wasn't like children are good. Children are a blessing. All you saw was there's all of this chaos at home sometimes. - [Jennifer] Yeah, so I remember just being really scared about having children. And so I was actually okay with not having children for a long time if any. I didn't have a hearts desire to have children. - [Aaron] And I actually, now you bring that up. I remember specifically a thought I had and I had it regularly was I didn't want children because we couldn't be together. All I thought I was like yeah that would be so perfect. We'd get pregnant the one time we do come together and then now like we couldn't enjoy each other, and now we have a kid. This totally negative connotation on having children because it was just gonna get in the way of the thing I wanted. - [Jennifer] Yeah and I think we talked about that even back then. Something that I didn't talk to you about that I really struggled with was the thought that if in that turmoil, those first three years if we did have a kid how much more it would tie me to you which is really depressing and sad to think about. I just am broken-hearted over those kinds of thoughts now. - [Aaron] But that's when we were in our sinful hearts. - [Jennifer] But that's where I was and I didn't have hope in our marriage. I truly believe that we're coming to the end so it was like I have to make sure even more that I don't get pregnant which was avoiding you. - [Aaron] Which made the whole thing worse. - [Jennifer] Yeah, it was a mess, you guys. - [Aaron] The devil is good at what he does. And it's why we have to resist him and it's why we have to put on the full armor of God 'cause these thoughts and things will come if we're not focused right. - [Jennifer] Now I have a part of this question to ask you. It has to do with this question, that's not here but would you have waited if you could have sex? - [Aaron] Back then? Well probably 'cause again I had my selfish heart of I thought tons of horrible things. I was thinking about your body and I was thinking about our sex, and I was thinking about being inconvenience with now I have to raise a child, and we're doing all these things. So absolutely, I think back then, selfishly would have waited. Not because I thought it was wise but because I didn't want to have to deal with it. - [Jennifer] Okay and I was thinking more like answering now having had children. - [Aaron] No, I wished we didn't have waited. - [Jennifer] I like that you're answering really honestly. - [Aaron] No, if I knew what I know now. - [Jennifer] I wouldn't have waited. - [Aaron] We'd have a 13-year-old. - [Jennifer] That's weird to think about. - [Aaron] How incredible would that be? We'd have a teenager. - [Jennifer] Wow, lots more growth opportunities for us. - [Aaron] No, I wouldn't have waited at all but to be honest it's God's sovereignty. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] He knew who we were. Our sin kept us away from it and it's probably better back then because we had some maturing to do. Not that I'm telling anyone they should choose to wait. I just think God knew what he was doing and he let us through a lot of stuff to grow us and make us into the men and women he wanted us to be. - [Jennifer] Yeah, all right. Number three, do you think numbering your children is necessary? - [Aaron] Yeah, I'd give a 10 to Elliott and then like all if I give-- - [Jennifer] What are you talking about? - [Aaron] I'm just kidding. Numbering, I'm thinking like . - [Jennifer] That's not what they're asking. - [Aaron] Numbering, the question is about should we have one, two, three, how many should we have? - [Jennifer] I was gonna change the question to what we usually get is what number do you guys want or what are you looking for? Because we do get asked that. - [Aaron] Yeah and it's usually with this like are you done yet look. Do you realize how many you have? We know exactly how many we have. So the question is do you think numbering your children is necessary? And I'm imagining the heart but it is do you think it's important to consider how many children we're having? Should we only have one or two or three? That's a pretty common thought. Most of the time, it comes in the form of, we only one, two or three. That's where that comes from. So Jennifer, do you think it's necessary. That's how the question is phrased. - [Jennifer] No, I don't think it's necessary. I don't think that we need to have a set number and we personally don't have a set number. - [Aaron] Our answer when someone asks, how many do you want is whatever God wants. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] Because to be honest, I don't know. - [Jennifer] To couple with that though, I do think that there's wisdom in every situation and so what I like to say is we take every pregnancy as it comes. - [Aaron] Yeah. - [Jennifer] Submit it to the Lord-- - [Aaron] And in between the pregnancies, we submit those to the Lord as well. - [Jennifer] Yeah, and you know what, it's a journey of walking with God saying God I trust you and it's not easy but-- - [Aaron] And I'll say this. - [Jennifer] He's doing this. - [Aaron] I'm gonna be a little candid here. There was a challenge after we had was it? - [Jennifer] Elliot. - [Aaron] Elliot and we went right back to that place in our hearts of we don't want any more. Elliot was difficult. It was our first child. - [Jennifer] He had colic. - [Aaron] He had colic for a couple months. - [Jennifer] I had nursing issues. - [Aaron] It was really difficult. And we just were like no, we can't do this any more. This is crazy, we are also-- - [Jennifer] Honestly-- - [Aaron] Publishing a book and we're thinking like how we're gonna do all this stuff and have another baby and everything was coming together. - [Jennifer] When I look back on it too, I don't remember it being a negative feeling. I just remember being okay with it being one. - [Aaron] We're like, we're fine. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] But again from all selfish positions. How are we gonna keep doing these things? That was too hard, I don't wanna do that again. And we were challenged by someone really hard and I'm gonna just explain to you what was challenging to us, and I'm gonna leave it at that. And they came to us and we were just sharing our hearts with them. And they very softly and gently said, you know the reasoning that you were coming to with this deciding not to want any more. And he brought up, is like it's usually for Christians, we say things like we want one, some or none. And it's like that sounds great. It sounds wise. One summer night, I'm gonna choose the size of my family. I think that's wise based off of whatever. Then they said that's very similar to the reasoning that pro-choicers have. It's your choice. Christians aren't gonna choose the abortion option right, hopefully. That's where the heart of a Christian shouldn't be that direction at all. We don't do that. But one, some or none is very similar and it's my choice. Pro-choice, I get to choose what I want. And he's explaining this to us and it cut us to the heart, and we realize wow, we're telling God, who's in charge of this area of our life. We want God to be sovereign in every area of our life except for this one. And so when they were explaining to us that we were essentially making decisions very similar to the idea of pro-choice. It's our choice and I want it to be pro-me whatever I want. And it really challenged us and it actually made us go and pray and dig into what we believed about children, and what we believed about our family, what God wants for us. - [Jennifer] I remember shortly after that conversation maybe even walking out of the restaurant, I told you that as I was sitting there listening, I could picture myself holding my hand shut tight and it was me as a Christian telling God, you are sovereign, you have every part of my life. I love you, lead me oh but you can't have this over here. - [Aaron] Don't touch this over here. - [Jennifer] And I was gripping it so tightly and I remember explaining this picture to you and just saying I feel like God wants me to open up my hands and trust Him. And I feel like we got pregnant about a week and a half later. - [Aaron] Yeah really quick. - [Jennifer] Really quick. - [Aaron] And I'll say this. It's easy to say, hard to do. Every single pregnancy we've had to go to God and say God, we need your help. We need to trust you more. We need to know what you have for us because it's difficult. Pregnancy is difficult. Children are difficult. It's just part of life so it's not like all of a sudden everything became rainbows and unicorns. It was like we have to trust God every single time which is what he wants. And then I'll say this as gently as possible 'cause I know the person that asked this question. I'm not trying-- - [Jennifer] There's a lot of people out there that asked. - [Aaron] There's a lot of people who have this question. I think the question is irrelevant and here's why I say that. You can say I want three kids and God only give you two. Is God wrong? Nope, I God bad? No. - [Jennifer] You could want two kids and never be able to conceive. - [Aaron] You could want one kid and never be able to conceive. You could want whatever you want. We could desire whatever we want. We can have this picture for our life and it's so perfect that oh if we just had a boy and a girl, you have six girls. I know people like that, okay. You could say lots of things. - [Jennifer] You can say you don't want any kids and then get pregnant. - [Aaron] We know people that are on birth control and I've gotten pregnant. We know people that have been barren for years. - [Jennifer] And have gotten pregnant. - [Aaron] And then have gotten pregnant. We know people that have had their tubes tied and then unfortunately have still gotten pregnant and had to have surgery because of the dangers of that. - [Jennifer] We also know the word of God and in Psalms when it talks about God knitting together a baby, a human inside a mother's womb, we know that's true. So it's from Him. - [Aaron] What we wanna do is we wanna say instead of asking well how many do we want? What's wrong with saying, God how many do you want? What do you want our family to look like? How do you want us to shape our family? You could say you want two children, right? And you have those two children and you stop, and there's no way for you to know that that third child was gonna be another Moses, another David. You don't know what God wants for you. So that's why I think that question is a little irrelevant because you think you have control. - [Jennifer] This is what the question should be. Do we trust what you have for us Lord? - [Aaron] Yeah and if that's a zero, and that doesn't mean that doesn't come with heartbreak but if it's zero, then God gets to choose that. If it's one, then God gets to choose that. Me and Jennifer are on number five and this could literally be our last child. We have no way of knowing. Something would happen. We could just not get pregnant again. Things happen or we could have another five. I don't know. But we want to trust the Lord with everything. I wanna encourage you to do the same. Whether that's zero, one, two, three, five, 10. That's the question we should be asking. Number four, what's the best way to prepare for or not be fearful of having a newborn? This is a good one 'cause we're literally right there. - [Jennifer] Yeah and you know what fear is a natural thing and it always comes with that feeling of I don't know what's on the other side of labor, or delivery, or having a newborn, and I struggled with all those fears. But when I look back and I think about my first baby, holding him in my arms, it's the most beautiful, miraculous thing I can think of. - [Aaron] And you don't necessarily look back and dwell on the pain. - [Jennifer] No. - [Aaron] You know it's there. - [Jennifer] I know it happened. - [Aaron] You look back and we think about those-- - [Jennifer] The joy and the love and the incredible miracle that comes with having a child. And I think that we should also just note that this probably whoever asked this question is going to give birth to a baby but I think even for adoption. When you think of the other ways that people build their families. I think there's a lot of fear that comes. A lot of fearful thoughts that could come with the unknowns but we just wanna be an encouragement to you guys that you're not alone. God is with you and do everything in prayer. The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing, to pray constantly. - [Aaron] To pray for everything. - [Jennifer] To pray for everything and to be thankful. And so I think the first way that I would respond to this question is pray, and pray with your spouse. Pray together over your family and over every situation. - [Aaron] Present those fears to the Lord and say Lord, here's some things I'm afraid of. Give me peace, give me your peace. That's what he tells us to pray for everything. With thanksgiving, lift your request to Lord. - [Jennifer] And the other thing I would say is meditate on his Word. What does God say about children? What does God say about birth? What does God say about families? Things that comes to my mind is John 16:21. It says, "When a woman is giving birth, "she has sorrow because her hour has come "but when she has delivered the baby, "she no longer remembers the anguish "for joy that a human being has been born into the world." That's what I remember. - [Aaron] That's an awesome statement by the way. For joy that a human being has been born. That's so cool and it is true because the pain is real. It's a thing you get to experience. You can talk about that in a second about experiencing the pain but you remember the joy of that child, holding the baby, seeing their face for the first time hearing their coos for the first time. - [Jennifer] I know I said this. It's miraculous, it truly is. - [Aaron] Yeah and seeing them grow up is miraculous too. I can't imagine my life without any of these kids. - [Jennifer] I know and I feel so grateful that the Lord trusted me and gave me these gifts. It's so wonderful. Another verse that comes to my mind and something good to dwell on is Psalm 127:3. It says, "Behold children are a heritage from the Lord. "The fruit of the womb, a reward." - [Aaron] So preparing yourself for having a newborn is you're preparing to have a reward and to build a heritage that he's giving you. That's really cool. - [Jennifer] A good resource for becoming new parents, you should check out "Redeeming Childbirth" by Angie Tolpin. It was just a really good book to bring perspective to having children and what that looks like biblically. So if you wanna check that out just go to courageousmom.com. One last thing that I just wanna encourage you guys with, and this you can do prior to having your first baby but you should also be doing it throughout parenting, and that's just talking about those fears with your spouse whenever they come up. And using those opportunities to encourage one another. If the wife is afraid, the husband can go to the word of God and console her and comfort her and encourage her. If the husband has some fears and he's being vulnerable about them, she can encourage him through the word of God and through prayer, and I just think that is so vital for us to be one in the way that we are experiencing the same thing, right parenthood. And another thing you could do is find someone who you admire, who has experience that you can ask questions to. I know as a new mom, I had so many questions. I still have so many questions. And so finding someone who you can be in communication with even if it's just a quick text or if you can get into community with several people who you can have questions too, and really just have that support system. It's really important - [Aaron] Yeah and that actually leads into our last question, number five really well. This person asked us if we can talk about the best ways to invest in our spouse before having kids. - [Jennifer] Okay. - [Aaron] Which is a cool thing because we could have done this. - [Jennifer] I know we did this for, no, we should have been doing this for years. The first thing that comes to my mind is having regular date nights and when you don't have kids and you're married, it can be so easy to just make everything feel like a date because you're with each other but making it significant somehow. - [Aaron] Getting it on the calendar, making it a regular occurrence. - [Jennifer] And doing something out of the norm, right? So like if you guys regularly already do something together, don't consider that your date. Go do something else. - [Aaron] Yeah, and what's good about that is it puts you into a really healthy pattern and habit so that after the kids, you guys will long and be like, hey, we need to get back on track. - [Jennifer] Not after the kids are grown and raised, you mean after having kids. - [Aaron] I'm saying after six weeks of healing and getting better. You guys are like, hey, we need to get back on schedule with our date nights, that's important. And for awhile, you're gonna have the baby with you and then eventually you'll get a baby sitter. But you start that up and it's there. It's existing. - [Jennifer] And just to encourage you guys, we've gone on dates with babies before and it can be done. - [Aaron] Just find those restaurants that-- - [Jennifer] Are really loud. - [Aaron] Either really loud or mostly full of older couples 'cause they love seeing young couples with their babies. - [Jennifer] Most of the times. - [Aaron] Most of the times. - [Aaron] Some restaurants don't like it but the experience we've had, we have people come up and be like, oh, your baby's so wonderful. This is so cool seeing a couple with children now. Anyways that's a good tip. For the husband's preparing your spouse before kids just doing what a Ephesians five says, "Washing your wife with the Word." Continually speaking God's truth into her life over her reminding her what the word of God says, reminding of her of who she is, what she's capable of, how God made her and building her up because those are the things that are gonna continually give her confidence. Make her feel like she can be a mom that she can handle pregnancy and labor and that she is going to be a victor in that area. So it's immensely powerful the words that a husband speaks over her life which is why we're commanded to wash our wives with not any words but the Word. With God's Word, reminding her of who she is, what God's doing in her life. That the thing that she's going to do. Having a child is such a powerful and beautiful thing that as she disciples that child, she's literally making world changers. Growing the Kingdom of Heaven within your home. It's a powerful thing. - [Jennifer] That's awesome, I love that. Another thing that I would say and this is something to continually do throughout your marriage, but to get really good at it is practicing transparency. Aaron and I talk about this a lot and it's something that I feel like we were actually pretty good at in our marriage but could have been even better way sooner at, and that's just being transparent and honest with one another when you're struggling with sin. You confess that you repent. When you're wrestling with insecurities or doubt or frustrations, you talk about it and you find a way if you're at conflict with one another, you reconcile. All those really important-- - [Aaron] Getting better at those things. - [Jennifer] Communication things. - [Aaron] Which will be huge for your children to see and to benefit from. - [Jennifer] And your parenting because there's gonna be a lot of situational things that come up that you'll have to be transparent with one another in and talk about so that you're on the same page when you parent. - [Aaron] Which leads into the other thing, and this is hugely important. Overcoming sin and bad habits. So for the husbands, if you guys are struggling with pornography, and you think it's just like not a big deal. And you're like, oh it's every once in a while. Just realize what you do, you're gonna teach your children. And I wish I would have known that earlier. I wish I would have recognized the the magnitude of walking in what I saw as hidden sin or things that I was getting a handle on. But it's just every once in awhile, it's not that big of a deal, minimizing those things. Maximize them, take those things in your life and say no, I need to get this out of my life. I'm not gonna smoke any more. I'm not gonna show my kids that habit. The way I eat. The hidden sins of my life, pornography. The way I talk. If you have issue with bad language. Those are things that you're gonna teach your kids and so work on it. Confess them, find freedom from them. Walk in the freedom that Christ has already given us on the cross and walk in it so that you can teach your kids to walk in it. The same freedom. - [Jennifer] Have authority in their lives. - [Aaron] Yeah as a pastor once told me, purity is power. Walking in purity is powerful. Say that last line right there, babe. - [Jennifer] I just put a note on here. Have children, because the question was how do you invest in your spouse before having kids. - [Aaron] Which can be-- - [Jennifer] It could be any range of things. It could maybe you're already pregnant and you're just waiting for the baby to come but it could also be we chose not to have kids right now, so what can we be doing? Well I'll tell you what, if there's one thing in Aaron's and I life that has stimulated growth in our relationship-- - [Aaron] That God's used to sanctify us in huge ways. - [Jennifer] Absolutely, or to just grow closer to each other in opportunities in ways that we never would have known or experienced, it was through having children. And so I've really appreciated that about our journey and where we've been, and so hopefully that just encourages you guys. - [Aaron] Those are five questions that we received from the community. Again we're not the end-all be-all to these answers but we try the best of our ability to look at the word of God, to look at experience and see how God is trying to change the way we think about things. - [Jennifer] I'll say this, answering the questions is not easy for me. I'm a peacemaker and I don't wanna ruffle anyone's feathers or ever put things out there that make people feel uncomfortable, but at the same time I want you guys to know where Aaron and I are on some of these topics because you're you're listening in, you're following us. And for whatever reason, God has trusted us with an opportunity to share these with you. And so I hope that through our experience and through the things that we have shared with you today, if anything, you get to go back to the table with your own spouse and talk about them, and share your own perspectives, and thoughts behind them. And we just encourage you to, like Aaron said, get in the scriptures and dive into what God has to say about these and let that be the foundation for what you believe and your your viewpoints and your perspectives on some of these topics. - [Aaron] 1 John tells us to test every spirit and to discern. So don't just take what we're saying as pure gold. Go yourself to the word of God and find them out. But if you're not willing to go to the word of God, and you just wanna disagree and have your own opinion, you have to understand something that we're not called to just do that. We're called to trust the word of God. And so I wanna challenge you if you are in that place, go to word of God. Take the things we've said and go dig in. Find out what God thinks about all these questions. What God thinks about children in the womb and raising children. You find out for yourself and come up with your own conclusions based off of what the word of God says, not off of what we say. But we love you, and as always win in prayer so please join us. - [Jennifer] Dear Lord, thank you for the gift and blessing of children. Thank you for creating and designing us with the ability to recreate. What an incredible miracle life truly is. We thank you for the opportunity to build our family and have children. We pray for others to either have not had children yet or are in waiting their first in anticipation. May you lead them in a way you desire them to walk and to grow together. We praise you for all those who have children and we pray also for those who can't have children for whatever reason maybe. You are sovereign and we trust you. We continue to surrender our hearts to you as you lead us in parenting and raising our children to know you. Please help us with our fears and insecurities. Please remind us every day of the purpose we have with our family. May your name be glorified in Jesus' name, amen. - [Aaron] Amen. And guys as always, I just wanna invite you to leave us a review, a star rating. We love those. They're incredibly powerful and effective in spreading the word about the podcast. We love you all and we pray that you guys would just grow closer to God and you chase his will for your life and get his heart on the matter of children. See you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com. And let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.

This question comes from a young couple from FINLAND, just expecting their first baby: What are a few parenting keys, as we're just starting our family? Ann shares from a recent video call from this precious mission-minded couple from Europe. Resources mentioned: Redeeming Childbirth with Angie Tolpin, known as The Courageous Mom (book and blog for pregnancy and delivery, and a new Christian postpartum course). http://RedeemingChildbirth.com I Peter 2:2 

Isaac Tolpin is today known as Resolute Man, one half of Courageous Parenting, husband of Courageous Mom, Angie Tolpin, and a home-church shepherd. Yet, his early life started out in an unbelieving household of a single, working mom. God didn’t leave himself without a strong witness, though. At one point, Isaac and his sister had a run-in with the wrong side of the spiritual realm when they and their friends began messing around with a Ouija Board. Strange happenings began manifesting around the young Tolpins’ home culminating in a demonic attack from one of their friends. The friend, a girl they were on good terms with, uncharacteristically showed up unannounced one day. She sat down quietly and stared at Isaac with what he could only describe as “demonic eyes.” Without saying a word, the girl headed for their kitchen. Moments later she emerged with a large chef’s knife which she flung with all her might at Isaac. The knife narrowly missed his body and ricocheted off the arm of the chair he was sitting in. Panicked, Isaac hurriedly pushed her out the door. Thankfully, provided his sister with the wisdom to get rid of the Ouija. She found a Bible and burned the board while she read passages of scripture over it. Even though Isaac knew the existence of the spiritual realm was indisputable after this episode, it didn’t lead to immediate conversion to following Christ. That would come much later when, during his college years, he had the good fortune to captain a branch for Vector Marketing, the marketing company that sells Cutco knives. He led his branch to be #1 in sales in the country, made a lot of money for his age and felt like he had a good grip on direction for his life. This confidence was put into question, however, when the girl of his dreams walked through his office door. “I didn’t even believe in marriage until I met her!” Angie had just returned from a mission trip and was an all-or-nothing woman of God. Isaac had never met anyone like her and though he had a strict policy not to date any of his sales reps, he was smitten with her. Angie felt called to witness to Isaac and faithfully followed through but thwarted any possible romantic pursuits by actively severing ties to him afterward. Though Isaac wanted to be with Angie and couldn’t have her, he could possibly have her faith and he realized he needed to figure out what he thought of Jesus and the Bible. God was drawing him powerfully and he found himself going to services, sometimes two a day, every weekend. He searched scripture and sought God. Finally one day he had a spiritual encounter and called Angie in the middle of the night. She told him he needed to accept Christ which he promptly did upon hanging up. The next day he was shocked by the immediate change in himself. He had previously been wary of what he’d have to give up to follow Christ and now he found himself just not desiring any of those things. Soon after, Isaac and Angie got together and were married a year later. Isaac found that his conversion to Christ had made him an even better businessman. Higher quality candidates were attracted to work in his business and, after climbing the ranks to division manager, he saw God do something truly remarkable. His division was selling about $5,000,000 a year and was consistently finishing number two in sales out of 40 divisions. During a prayer time he asked God to help him grow the division’s sales. God responded with specific instructions about giving God glory for every success and being obedient to everything the Spirit told him to do. From that point forward, the Holy Spirit began to give specific instructions on how to run the division and, though the directions were unconventional compared to how things were usually ran in the company, Isaac obediently implemented the changes. The result was that during the Great Recession his division doubled in sales and crushed previous company sales numbers. Even better, though, his decision to follow Christ had given something much more important to live for than just sales numbers. During his time as a division manager, he was able to publicly declare his faith with his many speaking engagements at conferences as well as one on one with people he was leading and working with. Now he was endeavoring toward eternal things rather than mere temporal goals. Later, he realized it was his time to leave the company and he started a new company of his own. Unfortunately, pride got in the way and the company failed. The family lost all their money and they were also stuck with a half million in debt from the business. But God was faithful to fully pay off the entire debt within two years and to lead Isaac back to humility–teaching him many lessons along the way. It was within a few years of this that God led Isaac and Angie to start Courageous Parenting, which is a ministry designed to help Christian parents lead with intention and conviction in an uncertain world. Isaac and Angie know a thing or two about this topic as they have eight children of their own. Their youngest is 1-year-old and their oldest is enrolled at Liberty University. Angie has also been blogging under the name Courageous Mom for quite some time. You can find her book on Christian postpartum care here. Their podcast has blown up with over 12,000 downloads per week and 200 people or more have already been through their six-week parenting mentor program. Justin listens to the podcast regularly and heartedly recommends it! Listen to this week’s episode for all the amazing details of Isaac’s story as well an amazing parenting tip for discipling your kids in the faith! HIGHLIGHTS Justin and Isaac have known each other for 20 years because Justin used to sell Cutco knives. He was also a sales manager for a few different offices in Isaac's division, which, at the time, covered Washington and Oregon. Isaac and Angie's goal with their ministry is to impact one million family legacies by helping parents have a huge impact on their families. Angie's book, Redeeming Childbirth, is the only book of its kind for Christians on postpartum care.

We all need a little inspiration every once in a while. Who am I kidding! We need it all the time lol. Here are some fun and creative date night ideas for you to try out with your spouse on your next date. CALLING ALL PARENTS! Also, If you are a parent like us, then you probably have questions and often feel like you would just love to ask someone who has been there before for some advice. Well, our really good friends Isaac & Angie Tolpin from the Courageous Parenting Podcast are the people we would send you to. They have 8 children and have been married for 20 years. They have a Biblical parenting mentor program to help you in your journey as a godly parent. Check them out today. https://courageousparenting.com/enroll/

Friendships are so hard for so many of us! And figuring out how to balance friendships and relationships well is a life long struggle! I know this is something I've been wanting to grow in for a long time. Join my friend Angie on this episode as she shares some tips for maintaining health and wholeness in our relationships. Listen in here:  Listen to the Podcast: Thanks for listening in today! You can find all the links & resources mentioned in today’s episode down below.  And don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast in iTunes. Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer. Links & Resources:  Find Angie at Courageous Mom Listen to Angie's podcast at Courageous Parenting Sponsor: Get 10% off your website by going to Wix.com/Podcast

Friendships are so hard for so many of us! And figuring out how to balance friendships and relationships well is a life long struggle! I know this is something I've been wanting to grow in for a long time. Join my friend Angie on this episode as she shares some tips for maintaining health and wholeness in our relationships. Listen in here:  Listen to the Podcast: Thanks for listening in today! You can find all the links & resources mentioned in today’s episode down below.  And don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast in iTunes. Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer. Links & Resources:  Find Angie at Courageous Mom Listen to Angie's podcast at Courageous Parenting Sponsor: Get 10% off your website by going to Wix.com/Podcast

Join us as Isaac Tolpin of Courageous Parenting and I discuss entrepreneurship, biblical parenting, multi-generational legacy and more!Did you enjoy this episode? If so, please share via social media and tell a friend, family member and co-worker about it, we would greatly appreciate it. It helps get the word out about this content to other people who would enjoy it and benefit from it. Join the Man On Mission Private Facebook GroupCourageous Parenting Resources & Podcast

Find out exactly WHY God brought you and your spouse together! https://marriageaftergod.com Quote From Marriage After God "Dreaming together is an exercise that is important for every marriage after God to participate in. Setting goals and casting a vision for the future strengthens the bond between a husband and wife, stirring up hope for what may come." "Casting a vision together for the future of your marriage is an intimate experience where hope for the future stimulates perseverance for today." Prayer Dear Lord, We pray we would be husbands and wives who dream together. We pray the dreams and the goals that we consider are ones that you put in our hearts. We desire to be used by you to fulfill your purposes. We want to build your kingdom and not our own. May we remember to submit our plans to you always. If there are things that we dream up that need to wait or need to be pushed aside, please help us to be humble. Help us to let go of any pride so that we don’t pursue what we want but instead only what you want. May we experience intimacy in marriage as we intentionally consider all that you have for us. We also pray we would have fun as we do this as a team for your glory! In Jesus’ name, amen! READ TRANSCRIPT [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God, [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. [Aaron] And today we're in part 13 of the Marriage After God series and we're gonna be talking with Isaac and Angie Tolpin about dreaming together. Welcome to the marriage After God Podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. [Aaron] And I'm Aaron also known as Husband Revolution. [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. [Aron] And so far, we have four young children. [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media. [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. [Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary, one full of life. [Aaron] Love [Jennifer] And power [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. [Jennifer] Together. [Aaron] Thank you for joining us on this journey as we choose boldly after God's will for our life together. [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. [Jennifer] So, we just wanted to take a moment and just ask you guys to leave us a review. That's just one way that other people will be able to find the Marriage After God podcast and spread the good news. So, if you could just take a moment and leave us a review, you could leave a star rating review or comment review and the comments are great too because they always encourage us. So thank you guys, for those of you who have already done that. [Aaron] And the reason we're doing this series is to promote our new book, Marriage After God. And if you go pick up a copy today that would just make us feel so blessed, is the reason we're doing all these interviews, all these episodes. And it's also how you can support us. And I hope that this book blesses you guys and we wrote it for you. [Jennifer] So today we have our good friends Angie and Isaac Tolpin from the Courageous Parenting podcast. Thank you guys for joining us. [Isaac] So great to be here. [Angie] Yeah, we're really excited to support you guys. [Isaac] And we love the book. [Aaron] Wow. [Isaac] Yeah. [Angie] It's awesome. [Aaron] Thank you. [Jennifer] Well, we just wanted to take a minute right here and just have you introduce yourself to everyone listening. So maybe share how long you been married, how many kids you have, and what you guys do. [Isaac] I'll start off with 19 years. It's been an incredible journey. How many kids Angie? [Angie] We have eight. [Isaac] So and we're in ministry courageousparenting.com. [Angie] And courageousmom.com. [Aaron] Awesome, so you guys have been doing ministry for a long time but now you guys are more specifically doing it together online with this podcast with your website. How did we meet? How did you guys meet because we do fellowship with you guys. A lot of the people we've been interviewing, we actually go to church with. So people like why do they know all these people, well? They go to our church but we met before gone just together [Angie] Yes we did. I think it was when, it was just years ago when Jen and I met because of Redeeming Childbirth. And she was pregnant with Olive at the time. [Aaron] And Redeeming Childbirth is a book you wrote about childbirth and redeeming it with a biblical mindset. [Angie] It's kind of a discipleship tool for women because I cover topics that normal pregnancy books don't cover like pain, fear, marriage from a biblical perspective-- [Isaac] Yeah the spiritual side of it. [Angie] Yeah, how to walk through pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum and young motherhood. [Jennifer] Yeah, and we had just moved to Bend you guys had just moved to Bend and so we met up for coffee and that that was the beginning. [Isaac] It's been a great journey. [Angie] It really has. [Aaron] Yeah, it is, we know how small the world is and how close you can become with someone that you didn't know before, and now you're like, I knew I feel like I've known you forever. [Angie] Now, we are like family. [Jennifer] Okay, so after we share this next story, everyone's gonna wanna be you guys as friends. This is how awesome you are. So we just celebrated an anniversary, our 12th anniversary and we didn't have plans and we're gonna go to dinner and Aaron's like, well, let's invite another couple and you guys were right there. We wanted to spend time with you. And so we invited you to go to dinner and-- [Aaron] To our anniversary dinner. [Jennifer] Yeah and it was gonna be awesome but we didn't know you guys on the way over had prepared questions for us to think about in this year. [Aaron] You use to like what's that game the marriage show where you, the Newlyweds Game? You guys, it's kind of that, you guys asked us all these awesome questions. And it made our date night, it was not just a double date where we just chatted, it was like so much fun. [Angie] It was. [Isaac] That means way we answered those questions, [Jennifer] So is that like normal for you guys or a special? [Isaac] That was the first time plus, you know what, the--- [Angie] So, it was just a special. [Isaac] You're special and anniversaries are so special. [Jennifer] That's true and what a great way to celebrate. And we just love that, it's gonna be a standout one for me, I know that. But I had to share that because I think it was super thoughtful. And for those listening, if you're gonna double date on someone else's anniversary, you should do that. It's time we say, we've got a bunch of questions for you. [Jennifer] Okay, so this leads me into the icebreaker question for today. And it came from one of your guys as questions that you asked us. [Aaron] I think it was the first one you asked us. [Jennifer] So here's the question and it's for you guys to answer. If your spouse was a superhero, who would they be? So you're answering this about each other. [Isaac] Why do you kick it off honey? [Angie] I was thinking about this and I think I choose the whole popular Captain America because when I met when Isaac-- [Aaron] His fist pumping right now. You know, that's right. When Issac and I, 20 years ago, when I met him, he was a new believer and had become a new creation like how Steve Rogers turns into the new creation and then he's just this man of vision that wants to do what's right. And he's a leader that people follow. So there's just a lot of qualities, and he doesn't hide behind a mask. So that, there's the boom. [Jennifer] I love that. Real deal. Cool. Transparency. Yeah. [Isaac] Well, that's cool, I think you're Wonder Woman. Because you are pure. Interesting Yes. And your middle name is Crystal, which means what, honey? [Angie] It means brilliantly clear. Or pure. [Isaac] Angie, you're really good at getting the truth out of people. That's true. Right, she's right. [Jennifer] She is drastic, it's true [Isaac] Exactly, that's all truth, she cares about justice. [Angie] That's true. [Aaron] And she cares about truth. And you have an unbelievable ability to do many things at once which everybody says you're not supposed to be able to do. [Angie] You truly are a super mom. [Isaac] A super mom, that's right. [Aaron] Super mom, it's new superhero I don't know if that show would go very far today. Okay, so Jennifer. [Jennifer] Sorry guys. [Aaron] So Jennifer, what would your superhero be for me? [Jennifer] Okay, so just so everyone knows when we were sitting there that night, the whole time, I was thinking about my answer for you. I was sitting there thinking, please don't say I'm Hulk. Please don't say I'm Hulk. Because out of all the superheroes I was just thinking that's the one that's not like attractive, and he's big and he's angry and I don't wanna be Hulk. And what comes flying out of Aaron's mouth, I think Jen would be Hulk. [Aaron] I did say that. [Jennifer] So, anyways-- [Aaron] But for good reasons, not because you're big and green, and angry. Because you have strength that comes out of you when you need it. And you're smart, and you're intelligent. Now, those were the qualities I was trying to get out of Bruce Banner, okay? [Jennifer] Thank you And then, what did I say for you? Oh, I said, Dr. Strange because you have-- [Aaron] A strange and-- [Jennifer] Yeah, you have gifted discernment and you you know things like-- [Aaron] Yeah, weird things, yeah, weird. [Jennifer] Yeah, that's true. [Aaron] There we go, okay, [Jennifer] Fun little question to ask. You guys can ask each other those listening. It's just fun, I like it, I like ice breakers. [Aaron] So why don't we so as we get into the all the questions we're gonna ask the Tolpins, our good friends. Why don't you read the quote from chapter 13 of the Marriage After God and then we'll get into that. [Jennifer] Okay, it says, dreaming together is an exercise that is important for every marriage after God to participate in, setting goal and casting a vision for the future strengthens the bond between a husband and wife stirring up hope for what may come. [Aaron] Awesome, how does that, does that sound right? Because you guys are dreamers. You guys are excellent at planning. It's when we thought about this chapter, we're like, oh, we have to have the Tolpins [Jennifer] They are like professional goal setters. [Aaron] The ones we interview about this because you are planners and goal setters and dreamers. I don't think you know how to have small dreams. You only know like large, big, like-- [Angie] I'd say Isaac definitely is a bigger dreamer than I am and so a lot of times I find myself running as fast as possible to keep up. [Isaac] And sometimes that's good and sometimes it's not. That's right. Yeah. [Angie] So we've learned over the years to be able to tell where each other are at and be there to support each other, it's been-- [Isaac] But I think it's vital as a marriage to have vision, we are called to have vision and to look ahead, otherwise, we just get sucked into the circumstances of the day and stuck in the mundane. And it's important to have vision. [Angie] And there isn't a lot of growth when you're just sitting there without vision either. So it's one of the things that I think has made us really enjoy marriage and life is just always looking forward to how we can be growing ad what's next, and looking forward. Isaac always makes this joke when his birthday comes around that he doesn't like looking back. He likes getting older. He doesn't care that he getting older too. Oh, it's the best thing. I like getting older too Oh, Yeah He just loves it. [Aaron] People really don't wanna stay young. I wanna, I can't wait to be gray haired. [Isaac] Yeah, wisdom, you get to see your kids get older, more experiences, you've learned more. [Angie] But one of the things that he said about that that's always stuck with me and challenges me because I'm not naturally like that is that if you're focused so much on the past, then you're not gonna be growing. You're always wanting what you had. And so it's just a challenge to look forward and it's a good challenge. [Jennifer] That's awesome, so, have you guys always been dreamers and goal setters in your marriage like from the very beginning? Or is it something that kind of developed over time? [Isaac] I would say that it was from early on actually. And in business, I've always played a proactive role in helping people have goals and vision, and so forth is really important. And I think, you know, husbands need to apply that to their marriages into their family. And I think it's super important. So we have done it early on. Of course, it's evolved over time. [Angie] Yeah, for sure. And now we involve our kids in it too, which we'll talked about later but-- [Aaron] Yeah, we love that because you're teaching them how to be in the moment, and do what needs to be done but also look ahead and prepare. So you've always been dreamers, you've always been planners but have you said it's evolved. What are some of the ways that it's changed over time, the way you used to plan, dream? [Angie] Well, you know what, Isaac actually, I haven't said this him out loud but I think he's actually the one who really taught me how to set goals. Because I worked for him when we met, that's how we met. And I was an independent contractor and had to set sales goals and different things like that. And he would coach the team through how to do that. And we just kind of took that into our personal life because it was so productive. And we saw good results from it. So we started applying it to life and other areas. [Isaac] There's a principle called the napkin talk in leadership, and I just took that same principle to our date nights. Not every single one, sometimes we just hanging out. We do do that. [Angie] I don't see, but we really absolutely enjoy it. [Isaac] But we really love, so we almost have to force ourselves just to go hang out sometimes, but we-- [Angie] We actually had friends who were like, don't you guys just go and like sit? [Isaac] Yeah, we do, we like that, but the napkin talk, I mean which means you pull out a napkin, you have a pen, you write down some goals, and you write down some initiatives, and there's an incredible power when you actually put thoughts to paper. I don't know what happens but it activates action in your lives and in your marriage. And I think that's really important. [Jennifer] I feel like there's a really good practical tip for people listening if this is something that they really haven't done in their marriage, or maybe they've done it in the past, but haven't done it recently, getting out that napkin, getting out that piece of paper, even after listening to this episode and just go for it. It's the kind of place to start brain dump and just get it out of your mind, out of your heart, and onto the paper. [Isaac] And I think you just think of one or two really good questions, it can be that simple. [Aaron] So, I just wanna, I love those tips, the napkin, what was it called, napkin talk? Where you just write down on a napkin and that's awesome. We do something similar. We don't ever do a napkin but we bring a pad or we bring a pad or we do it on our phone, or send ourselves an email. [Jennifer] Actually I have used napkins before. [Aaron] Yeah, I think you have, that's it or worse we get some receipt paper please. [Isaac] Yeah, exactly, whatever. [Isaac] Yeah, whatever you can. But I just wanna real quick highlight why we've been talking about dreaming. And we're talking about this idea of planning together because in this part of the book, we're encouraging marriages to take all of the things we've talked about up to this point, and actually start getting it out of their hearts, and minds and onto paper. Because once we do that, once we have it out on paper. You said, the power of goal setting, there's every single productivity book or success book has some form of write it down, put a checklist, have a to do list. And there's a reason for that is because once it's written down, it's a real thing. It becomes a, oh, that's actually visible and now I'm not the only one who is thinking about it. [Isaac] So true. [Aaron] Other people can see it, my kids can see, my wife can see it and now I can pray about it. And so I just, I just wanna highlight, that's why we're having this conversation is not just to like, let's have big dreams and shoot for the moon. And, but there's a there's a mission involved in what we're doing. So, that we're proactively use that word proactive, we're proactively chasing after God's will for our life and sometimes and oftentimes it takes dumping all of the things that are in our hearts and minds as a couple onto paper into notes and be like, okay, what does this look like in our life? How are we gonna get to from A to B? What is B, so I just wanted to bring that up and then, so that we all know, everyone that's listening is like, oh, like, that's why we dream, like that's why we plan. [Isaac] I think we're wired for progress too. And so when you're able to look at the end of the year, how you've made progress together, and the things you've accomplished together, it's so rewarding. [Angie] And do you have dreams when you first get married. You dream about your life together. And you may think about specific goals, even then, from when we were just engaged to newlyweds. And it's exciting to keep that going. I think it helps you tonight and become stagnant, like you're saying or becoming a marriage is just surviving but instead, you're thriving. And I think that the first few years that we were married too, the napkin talks, a lot of times were Isaac asking specifically how I was doing in my relationship with God, how I was doing in my relationships with my kids, and that this would become an opportunity for us to communicate about what was going on in their hearts and what I was seeing during the day so that he would know how he could back me up when he was at home or what their needs were, so that we could be a better team when he was off work and on the weekends because he worked during the day, [Isaac] It's so crucial because as husbands, if we want our wives' support, then we better be proactively supporting our wives. What things in our career do we want support with? Well, you're not gonna get it unless you've been proactively all along the way, supporting your wife and the things that really matter. [Angie] And I remember there was a time too, someone asked us years ago because Isaac would shoot for huge goals business wise, and he would hit them. And one of the wives of another manager came up to me and just said, wow, you must have to work so hard at home. Is he working all the time? And I said, well, he does work hard, butt we work together and it's a team, we're a team. [Aaron] It's a good little insight. [Angie] Yeah and in, she just kind of looked at me like, oh, and and I remember like we would go out and if Isaac had a goal for work, like if I was gonna shoot for a different amount of sales, let's say you're in sales, he'd always run that by me first at one of our visionary date nights. And he would say, hey, this is what it might end up costing us like, this much extra time, are you in? Are we, do we wanna do it? So it wasn't just him doing it? [Isaac] And then you being pulled along. [Angie] Right and so even though he was running a business and I was a stay at home mom, I felt so cherished and involved in his business because he was involving me in the dreaming process, and just sharing with me even those goals. And then years went by of us doing that. And one night, he just out of nowhere said Do you have dreams that we're not pursuing together? And then that's where Redeeming Childbirth came in and like, oh, in him encouraging me to have a blog. And so it's important that you both are drawing that out of each other. [Aaron] Well, and I think I saw in a second one ask you about the visionary date night thing. We'll get into that but you said that he would invite you in, involve you. I feel like you probably felt that way but it's even more than that. It sounds like you were a linchpin in the process where it not just being involved in like, hey, what do you think about this idea. It's more of a this goal won't work unless we're on the same page. [Isaac] It's crucial, it's crucial, because if the plan doesn't go well, and you didn't from the beginning decide to do it together, guess who your detractors going to be later? The wife, you can't accomplish big things by yourself. And if you set out to do things then they don't go well, it could harm the marriage, if you didn't set out to do it together. [Aaron] Well, and we talked about this a lot in the book is like, it starts without unity anyway. Like, if you're only doing it for if you're chasing after something and she's chasing after something, what are you doing? You're pulling against each other, and you never gonna get anywhere. [Angie] You won't be effective. [Isaac] No, and so you coming to your wife and it's not a permission based thing, it's purely a, we're one. This will only work if we're on the same page so that you show me where it's not gonna work, and let's figure out how to make it work. And not just in business but like, I love that you guys talked about children. And it actually in this chapter, we talk about the different categories that we could be submitting to the Lord and dreaming in. So when it comes to like children and raising our children and discipleship like, hey, what are some of the visions that we have? And it could be as simple-- For our kids. [Angie] as what character qualities do we see already being cultivated in this child? What is God drawing out of them? And how can we encourage that more? What are some of the flaws that maybe we need to work on? And so there's also those kinds of visions and goals with each child to those were always at the forefront of our family, visionary, and time for sure. [Isaac] Well, we would even write down each child's name and go, what does each child need? [Angie] And there were times to where we would evaluate like do we need to have special one on one time with each child like on a regular basis, like for a period of time to deal with a specific topic? So there are so many ways you could go about this. [Jennifer] That's so cool, and when I think about this chapter of the book and the reason why we wanted to encourage couples to do this very thing of dreaming together and talking about these kinds of things is because it is a really intimate experience because you have to communicate, you have to share your hearts with one another. And that's what I'm hearing. [Aaron] You are really transparent. Jennifer] You have to be transparent, you have to have a insights, you have to know your children, you have to know each other. And I just see how unity is built. Trust is built, love is cultivated when a husband and wife intentionally pursue moments like this together. [Aaron] Absolutely, so there's a quote in the book, it says this. Casting a vision together for the future of your marriage is an intimate experience where hope for the future stimulates perseverance for today. How has this been true in your guys' life? [Angie] Oh, I feel like that quote totally suits for the season that we just been in. [Isaac] We've gone through ups and some really tough times too, ups and downs, for sure. And it has been so crucial to have vision and a godly perspective and putting God at the center of our marriage as we go through the challenging times. [Angie] And really that our goals are centered on Him too. I think that that's the thing that keeps you going. He's the hope and when you know that what you're pursuing is for Him and it's not for gain in anything else then it gives you the hope to keep going every day. And you don't focus so much on the circumstances that you might be in. [Isaac] And we're called to not be of this world, be in the world but not of the world. And that goes for marriage. And so our marriage is a witness to the world. And what a great testimony during the hard times when we just grow closer together. [Jennifer] Amen, love that. [Aaron] Yeah, so you were just mentioning about like, they're like for God and human being in the center and Christ being our hope. And that's everything we want people to recognize but when we say dreaming, often we think like, we have lots of dreams. You said when you were married, you had lots of dreams. There's lots of people thinking, I want a big house, or I want to live in this location, or like we have this many dreams. And I'm not saying any of them are bad. But I wanna know, how do we set biblical boundaries? On our dream in planning, because we definitely could like dream of anything, doesn't mean anything should be done? [Angie] I think that that's one of the benefits of having marriage too is that you can hold each other accountable because there will be times you'll both need it, right? [Jennifer] So good. [Angie] And I think that also when it comes to boundaries, I have specific boundaries that I have set for how I react when he shares his dreams because he's a big dreamer. [Aaron] When is really big enough? [Angie] Yeah, I kind of hold my breath for a minute. Three deep breaths. because I'm like, okay, that's really big. [Isaac] Because she thinks we're for sure doing it because I speak with authority, even though I am just sharing ideas that haven't even been fleshed out yet. [Angie] Yes, and so we've had to learn that about each other. And so he always is really, he's a gentle leader with me in that that he'll remind me ahead of time and say, so I don't wanna do this right now but I was thinking, X, Y, Z. [Isaac] That's only after learning for a few years, in our first two years of marriage. [Aaron] Well then ever went to listening husbands. This is a great tip. Hey, this isn't happening right now or even soon but I'm thinking about doing X, Y, Z. That's a great way to prep your wife for a big conversation. [Angie] It totally is. And then it kind of gives me some time to like let it settle, think about it. And then I don't overreact because we had done a lot of really big things together in business and in planning a vineyard. And we had, yeah, we had six of them in those 10 years. So we really had done a lot. And so, his track record led me to believe that every time you had a dream it had to happen. [Aaron] Because it's been that way. [Isaac] Yeah, and if you want your wife's support then you've got a pre-frame ahead of time like that because otherwise, when I was shared dream without pre-framing it, she would instantly sometimes look for the challenge where I'm too optimistic, she's more realistic. And that's why God put us together, because the differences are such a blessing when you embrace those differences and you respect each other. [Aaron] It's almost like God had a plan for your marriage. [Angie] Amazing, right? [Jennifer] And something that I'm hearing as you guys talk or is that this practice of dreaming together is also practicing communication and learning each other. And so another tip for those listening is learn each other, figure out how each other's going to receive things and adapt your relationship so that you guys can work together as a team and not always end up in arguments or disappointments. [Angie] One tip in that direction is that timing is everything which is one of the reasons why I think our date nights were so successful. It wasn't in the heat of the household. [Isaac] Chaos. [Angie] You know what I'm saying and so-- [Isaac] Handling are you making dinner for our children and me and I thought about this idea. [Angie] Exactly, and I thought you would. [Isaac] So husbands, it's super important to think about the timing of when to bring certain things up, challenges, good things, dreams. And sometimes you're gonna save a list for your date nights, it's super important. [Jennifer] Angie, could you just share to the wives timing for when you're sharing things with your husband, maybe what does it look like on a wife's end? [Angie] On a wife's end regarding the dreams since-- [Jennifer] Timing. [Angie] So right away, when they come home from work if they're someone who's working away from home not a good time to talk to them. Give them some time to so and and I think that night times are actually good after the kids have gone to bed. That's also a good time to talk about it, I wouldn't suggest that for the wives though as much because we just kind of are starting to relax and then it's brought up it can create some anxiety for some women. But the guys generally can handle that but you would have to judge your spouse. [Jennifer] Yeah, for sure. [Angie] But I think that they appreciate us being considerate to them in the same regard that we appreciate being considered. [Aaron] So I have this thought about, we talk about boundaries because like we can dream again of anything but what is God one, and building a, this is for me and for you guys, and everyone that's listening. Beginning to build a track record where we as individuals, as a husband and a wife, and as a marriage, submit everything to the Lord. Instead of like, hey, I have this idea. Let's sell the house and let's move over across country and start a this organization. And everyone's like, whoa, whoa, what? What are you talking about? But having a track record of like, hey, here's an idea. Let's start praying about this today and see what happens. And then learning how to follow through with things or learning how to say no to things after it's been evaluated, prayed through and sought out with counsel, so that when a husband brings up an idea, there's not this fear of like, well, is this going to end up like what happened last time where we're going to change that do something and then fall on our face, and then have to start over again, and then chase after something that follows. Does that make sense? [Isaac] It makes perfect sense. And just because something is good fruit doesn't mean it's fruit we're supposed to pick. So it's really important to have God at the center and be praying about it. It's like in the vineyard, if you have a whole bunch of fruit on a plant, you can't leave all that fruit there. Otherwise, it's gonna make bad wine. But if you cut half of it off, all the energy goes into the right fruit that we're supposed to pick, and it makes great wine. And that's the same thing for a marriage. [Jennifer] I love that. So when dreaming together, there's going to be times where there's gonna be awesome things that come that come up and get on the list that you probably can't pursue, or maybe the timings not there, and you guys have to navigate that together. [Angie] And I think sometimes too, depending on if you're a natural dreamer and you like to dream about a lot of things, sometimes it's not God's will for your life. And that's where you have to be willing to dream but be willing for God to say no. Or to say, no, not now. Because sometimes that's His answer too. And so and that's part of why I think that he's given us protection and having a spouse because we can kind of ground one another in the times when we need to. But we can also be one another's biggest cheerleader in those times when we know God's pushing us forward. [Isaac] And that's crucial 'cause husbands if you get off track, and you're not listening to God and you're in the flesh, and you just go and do something, it could be catastrophic for your family. And I have an experience where we went all in on a business venture, and it failed. And we lost everything financially for a period of time. And that was my responsibility. Now, my wife faithfully supported me, followed me through the challenges, and through the good times but that was directly a cost of me being confused and not paying attention to what God wanted. [Aaron] Oh, it's awesome that you can you can see that. And for those that are listening can learn from what you guys walked through. So that gift that God gave you, that that resource that he's given you that story is now a testimony that can warn other believers. [Angie] Yeah, we have lots of stories like that was a good story [Isaac] Oh, we do. Winning and losing. [Angie] That's right. [Jennifer] Speaking of winning, what are kingdom benefits of dreaming together and setting goals? [Isaac] Well, I think the first Kingdom benefit is your kids are watching everything you're doing. And if you're trusting God, and surrendering everything to God and working as a team together, you're modeling for them for their future marriages because what we're raising future adults, right? [Angie] That's right, yeah. And we also want them to see us pursuing God's dreams and His visions and being workers in His fields also. And so, right now with Courageous Parenting, this is a new thing that we're working together in ministry, I've been doing it for many years. And Isaac, of course, was always a missionary wherever he was, but now we're full in with Courageous Parenting. And it's a different feel around the house, everybody is involved, everybody helps out in some way from Austin helping to edit podcasts to Megan helping with the baby, and it's just, and they're behind it. That's the cool thing is that they see the vision because they wanna see other parents get impacted and they are constantly encouraging us too so. [Isaac] And I think if God is for something, it's gonna have some impact on the kingdom of God and so that's the fruit too. [Aaron] And so it's constantly saying, Okay, Lord, what do you want? Here's what we have and here's ideas that we have. How does this work into your plan? [Angie] It's really about stewardship. Actually, all of the goal setting and everything is all about stewarding. I love that. Our hearts, our lives, our children, Our resources. [Angie] All our resources. And so I remember when we had the vineyard before we planted and cultivated the vineyard in our other property, we would look out at this field and go, what should we plant there? And we would pray about it, we'd dream about it. And we thought, all different kinds of ideas. And we did have a vision for hosting weddings there one day and different things like that. But God moved us on to a different vision which I'm glad that we're here. It was definitely God's will for us to move, but yeah. [Aaron] So, I think of this, I can't remember the how the quote exactly goes but the answer is no to 100% of the questions you never asked, right. [Isaac] Yeah. [Aaron] Because like if you don't ask her you can't get a yes or no. So it's just a no. And I feel like that's how we should see this idea of dreaming as a couple as marriages for the kingdom of God and saying, okay, Lord, we have this amount of resources, we have these relationships, we have these talents and gifts that you've given us. Man, we could do this, we combine this, and just throw it all out, and then start praying over it which is what how we we direct the readers and what to do when they dream. And then start making actions. So what's a practical way that you guys dream and then plan, like okay, here's a dream and we've actually feel like this is where God's leading us [Angie] Always involves a whiteboard. [Aaron] Turn aways because they are-- [Isaac] Whiteboard or journal, I think you start on a whiteboard, afterwards ends up on a whiteboard. But yeah, I think it's so important to get things on paper, pray over it, of course, and then really vet it out and have some action steps towards it and understand each other's roles. There was some dreams where Angie's role was to praise and be supportive and take care of the family while I was doing something. There's other dreams we've done where we're both very, very active and immersed together in it. [Angie] And then there were times where Isaac would take care of the kids so that I could write and he was more active with the kids in the vineyard and taking that on, and then I would pull back away from that once that project was done. And I was all in and he would be able to slip away more towards work. And so it's kind of a dance. [Isaac] But it's so important. [Aaron] I love that idea of a dance. [Isaac] Dance, so important to have good communication, though, because things are constantly moving. [Aaron] I think a part of that good communication is having end zones. Small, like if it was just an indefinite like, hey, you're gonna watch the kids and I'm gonna write, and who knows when, that wouldn't be a healthy season. [Angie] No, you do have to have boundaries. [Aaron] So, you set boundaries and then it wouldn't be how easy is it of, if Isaac said, hey, I'm gonna be working 12 hour days for the next, who knows how long and let's see what happens. That wouldn't be a healthy. [Isaac] Here's a super important point to that which is husbands when you set a deadline for how long the sacrifice is gonna be, you better deliver. Because if you go past that deadline, your wife is gonna lose trust for you as you dream together-- [Aaron] Track record. [Isaac] There's a cost. [Aaron] You wanna have good track records within this process. [Jennifer] Any want your word to be as good as gold. [Angie] Yeah, that's awesome and what I'm thinking when you guys are sharing all this is details. So when you're writing this down when you're making an action plan or strategy put some details and dates and times, and very specific things that will help guide these boundaries. [Aaron] That's good baby. [Isaac] That's was really good. [Aaron] So, as we come to a close, I want to ask you, it's so easy to just say, We're gonna be big dreamers and big planners, and we're gonna get all these practical steps and... What is the foundational perspective biblically that we should have in all of this because the Bible talks about planning. [Angie] And He talks a lot about our marriage, I think it comes down to what our marriages really for, God. [Isaac] To glorify God. [Angie] It's not about us. And so when you realize that your marriage isn't about you, and that it's meant to be a light to the world, and that you are bearing God's image to them, your perspective changes and that's for all of us. It doesn't matter what you're doing for work or if you're in ministry, we are all part of the body of Christ. And we all-- We're all in ministry, this is our, yeah. Exactly. Everyone is a missionary wherever they are. They're all lights and ambassadors. [Isaac] Yeah, it's to fulfill the greatest, the Great Commission, and to glorify God in everything we do, and we've always believed that the things we're gonna do, it's gotta have some kind of positive impact on people. And that doesn't need because every-- [Aaron] When you say positive, do you mean like in a faith way and in a biblical way? [Isaac] In a biblical, faith focused way. And I'm not saying everybody, every goal has to be like that. But I've had goals that weren't, like investing in resources, and I lost deeply. And I did not get my wife's approval. [Aaron] That's for another podcast. [Isaac] It's for another but I just want to warn you that God is in control, and we should fear Him, and not the world. And really obey him by our actions. [Angie] I think too, we mentioned stewardship, and one of the verses that comes to mind is about our treasures and building treasures in heaven. And I think that as we're setting goals as a couple, and we're remembering these foundational truths about marriage that we keep in the back of our minds that we're building for Him, and we're building for the kingdom of God in heaven because we're partnering with Him and the Great Commission and-- [Isaac] So good. [Angie] And that we're gonna experience pushback because whenever you do something that God's calling you to do, you're gonna experience some pushback. We have enemies, we have our own flesh And God cares about our sanctity through the process of the journey of life as well and so hard dreams are good because they bring out those things that need to be sanctified in you. [Isaac] Yeah, I mean, often I have said if you're not salty, you might not even realize there's a battle. But if you are salty, you're fully aware because you feel it. And there is a spiritual battle at hand. And as you press in and set goals together and try, and do things for God's glory, there is an enemy that hates that. The good news is God is way more powerful. but you need to be aware, and you need to pray. [Aaron] So, do you guys, in all of these conversations we have there just can be an inkling of, well, that's good for you. And I understand that God's got this call because we use this idea of call. Is there anyone in the body of Christ that's exempt from the things you're talking about? [Isaac] Not at all, you could be doing any position, it be in any kind of circumstances, any kind of financial situation. And it's the same truth for every married couple. [Angie] And the reason why is because God wants people, He wants their hearts, He wants to be reconciled to everyone. And so He may place you in a place that's really hard. But I think that God would ask of you to think big, think and view them the way He views them, and would He want you to have a goal or a dream that's gonna impact that other co-worker that's in the cubicle next to you. [Isaac] I would also say there's nothing worse than when you go out to dinner and you see couples not talking to each other, or looking at their phones, ignoring each other. And that potentially, is because they're not making progress together and doing things for God as a team. [Aaron] And I feel like, Jen, you might be able to speak into this a little bit, that setting, you said heavenly treasure like treasures in heaven, treasures above. The Bible tells us to look above to think on things above and not on things that on earth, and setting goals and pursuing heavenly things and always looking up. When I think of those couples that are sitting and not looking each other, it's because they are only looking in one direction, which is down, because we're not up, we are of the Earth currently. And I feel like that pursuing as a marriage, do you feel like as we consistently look up, it keeps our focuses off of us? [Angie] Yeah, yeah, totally. [Aaron] And that's what we wanna encourage everyone listening is this isn't just because we want plan that million dollar orphanage in another country that might be absolutely someone's calling in, and we gotta ask for them. But it's just the fact that we have we a heavenly calling. All of us as believers, we were part of the body of Christ. And that body is doing something and it's it's led by the by the head Jesus. [Jennifer] We all have gifts and to know those gifts in one another and call them out and say, hey, have you ever thought of like, I would have never even started a blog if it wasn't for Isaac starting it for me and saying here, you should write. I mean that's really your gift. [Isaac] You use your gift, here you go. [Angie] He kind of did that. I mean, this was way back before we had cellphones. He was crazy about the internet just came out sponsor. [Aaron] Oh man. [Isaac] Man, I think what happened is I said, you should start a blog, and you're like, oh, no. Some of you should start a blog, oh, no. Okay, I'm starting a blog, and I started a blog. [Angie] You edited it. [Isaac] And I started a blog, and I'm writing, I'm writing and the only reason I started a blog was so that she was started blog. And that's how she started hers. [Jennifer] Did he buy a book? That is actually, no. [Jennifer] That's awesome, before we wrap up, I really want our listeners to benefit from your guys' wisdom on parenting. And so I just wanna ask the question, how have you guys incorporated dreaming together as a family with your children? [Isaac] I think it's so important to include your kids in the process. It's fun. It is really fun. And one of the interesting things is that everybody has New Year plans and so forth. We just started start those more toward November going into the new year. And what we do is we run a session with the kids and we go, how did this year go? We have them. [Aaron] Is there a whiteboard involved? There's a whiteboard. Yes. [Isaac] And we have them rate the different areas of life, spiritual. [Angie] How did they do in that category? [Isaac] Yeah and we talked about it. And then then we do another session where they set intentions for the new year. And we just still got the-- [Aaron] I like intensions, it's better than resolutions. [Isaac] Yeah, intentions is good. [Angie] It good intentions and Isaac always takes a picture after they have shared what they are, and takes a picture so that he can put it up on the screen the next year. And he also kind of texts us randomly throughout the year goes, how are you doing on your goals? [Jennifer] Wow, [Angie] It's really for-- [Jennifer] Seriously, that's awesome. [Angie] Yeah, our oldest daughter, Kelsey, is at college and she actually just texted me a picture of her goals that are on her wall next to her bed. That was a huge win. So even like, all the kids really enjoy it, even our three year olds had goals this year to stay potty trained and get candy. [Isaac] What's awesome for that is-- [Jennifer] I would like to get candy bars. [Isaac] When they rate different areas of their life. It's so neat to see all the kids in the family rallying for them, no, you're more like an A, you are not a C. You're not-- [Isaac] It's awesome. [Angie] It was really encouraging because they would all give feedback and and say, oh, well, have you thought about this goal? And they would like add on to it and so it was really fun. [Isaac] Self evaluation is an incredible gift. [Jennifer] And it sounds like it doesn't matter what age children? [Angie] No, I mean, Eli was with us and he's four months old That's awesome. He was adamant. Sometimes in our age. [Angie] Self training. [Aaron] Taking solid foods, stay cute. [Jennifer] Awesome, thank you guys so much for your insight there. I know that it just is blessing everyone, everyone's probably gonna wanna redo all their-- Resolutions. --new goals for 2019. Okay, so the last question we have for you is, in your own words, what is a marriage after God? [Angie] Well, I think that we kind of talked a little bit about it before, just that our marriage would reveal the image of God to everyone, to our children to the world around us. And that we'd be striving to one another. One of the images that comes to my mind is in life trials because we have definitely experienced those in 19 years of marriage. When you're both chasing after God or running after him in that hard time I think you're gonna meet there and you're gonna be stronger versus if you're-- [Isaac] Stronger together. [Angie] Versus like if a husband loses a job or a wife is ill, or you could name whatever trial you're walking through, if one person starts working harder to fix the problem versus running to God first, there's a difference in how your marriage is revealed to your kids and the strength of marriage. [Isaac] And then when we say our wedding vows, almost everybody has in their wedding vows or some part of the marriage ceremony is to become one flesh. And do you really believe that? Well, if you do, then you're going to treat your bride or your husband like they are yourself. Because we really do become one. And when you become one, like Angie said, you become way more powerful for the impact for the kingdom of God. And we've always held that as the most important vision. [Jennifer] Well that was incredible. I could just listen to you guys all night, and that's awesome. [Isaac] Well, if people want to, they can go find them at courageousparenting.com, or through their podcast, Courageous Parenting but you can get anywhere podcasts are. And they should definitely go check out their podcast because we don't talk nearly enough about parenting. And that's all they talk about, like this. They talked about the painting like-- [Jennifer] This is we glean all of our needed parenting. [Aaron] You guys have blessed us over the years by your gift of knowledge and parenting, your wisdom in parenting. And so we've been totally blessed by that. So not just the planning stuff that we've seen in your life, but all aspects of your life we've been blessed by, so thank you for honoring us and blessing us by coming on our show. [Isaac] We've been so blessed by your friendship and love what's happening with the ministry here. [Aaron] Yeah, thank you. [Jennifer] I also wanna mention you guys are really active on social media. So where can people find you if they wanna follow you daily? [Isaac] Courageous Parenting and-- [Angie] Courageous Mom. [Isaac] And Resolute Man. [Angie] Yeah, so on Instagram, that's where we're the most active for sure, I'm courageous.mom and he's resolute.man. And then on Facebook. [Aaron] Awesome, so, at the end of every episode, we end in prayer. So if you guys wanna join me in prayer? [Isaac] Yeah. [Aaron] Dear Lord, we pray would be husbands and wives who dream together. We pray the dreams and the goals that we consider are ones that you put in our hearts. We desire to be used by you to fulfill your purposes. We wanna build your kingdom and not our own. And we remember to submit our plans to you always. There are things that we dream up that need to wait or need to be pushed aside, please help us to be humble. Help us to let go of any pride so that we don't pursue what of we want but instead only what you want. May we experience intimacy in marriage as we intentionally consider all that you have for us. We also pray we would have fun as we do this as a team for your glory. In Jesus name. [All] Amen. [Aaron] So, we just wanna thank everyone for listening. This has been part 13 in this 16 part series. There's a couple more, there's a few more awesome interviews coming up. So, I hope have you guys next week. Thank you for joining us. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at Marriage After God calm and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary an marriage.

WOW! What a privilege to interview Isaac and Angie Tolpin from courageousparenting.com. Katie and I were encouraged by not only their heart for families, but also their insightful tips on how to apply parenting strategies on a daily basis. Disciplining for behavior modification while still cultivating and nurturing a soft heart of submission in our … // Top 5 Tuesday//Join our weekly email list to keep up to date with the highlights of what is going on in our family life. nowthatwereafamily.com/top-5-tuesday-newletter The Get It All Done Club Free Masterclass: https://nowthatwereafamily.lpages.co/get-it-all-done-club-masterclass/ Website: nowthatwereafamily.com Instagram: instagram.com/nowthatwereafamily/ OUR FAMILY MUSIC ACADEMY: voetbergmusicacademy.com Is your life just too complicated to ever feel peaceful? Check out Katie's: getitalldoneclub.com

WOW! What a privilege to interview Isaac and Angie Tolpin from courageousparenting.com. Katie and I were encouraged by not only their heart for families, but also their insightful tips on how to apply parenting strategies on a daily basis. Disciplining for behavior modification while still cultivating and nurturing a soft heart of submission in our…

Isaac Tolpin is a tech entrepreneur and futurist, on a mission to humanize the digital learning experience in order to equip and fuel change in the world. In the pursuit of making a difference through business, he's lost and won several battles in his entrepreneurial journey. He co-founded the tech company Throwing Boulders in 2001, that launched its most important product ConveYour.com in 2016 that's disrupting the digital training world. He brings a visionary mindset to everything he does including creating a legacy for his seven children with the help of his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com. He refuses to waste his life achieving the world's definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead deeply cares about making a difference in the world through the projects he's involved with, those he serves, and the family he leads. Learn More- ConveYour

Isaac Tolpin is a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart, on the mission of humanizing the digital learning experience to equip and fuel change in the world. In the pursuit of making a difference through business, he’s lost, won, and learned a ton with over 105 million in combined revenues from the companies he’s been involved in building. Isaac co-founded the tech company Throwing Boulders in 2001, that launched its most important product ConveYour.com in 2016 that’s disrupting the digital training world. He brings a visionary mindset to his family by creating a legacy raising and educating his seven children with his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com. Isaac refuses to waste his life achieving the world’s definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead deeply cares about making a difference in the world through the projects he’s involved with, those he serves, and the family he leads. Join The Brotherhood Join the Front Row Dads private Facebook community so you can ask questions, share ideas, and be part of a supportive group of incredible brothers who help one another navigate the role of marriage and fatherhood. Visit FrontRowDads.com/facebook For more information, visit FrontRowDads.com

Isaac Tolpin is a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart, on the mission of humanizing the digital learning experience to equip and fuel change in the world. In the pursuit of making a difference through business, he’s lost, won, and learned a ton with over $105 million in combined revenues from the companies he’s been involved in building. His unique expertise in digital training that comes from: Extensive experience working with young adults leading a large direct sales organization enabling me to see first hand the changes and challenges in human behavior around technology and learning Executive experience building and leading 32 area managers and an overall leadership team of 120 across two states. Co-founded a 43 employee digital publishing company that produced digital training programs for top-tier influencers used for Corporate employee training and online marketing. An influencer in the digital training world, writing articles, many meetings with mainstream publishing companies, universities, large MOOCs, influencers and companies on overcoming the poor engagement challenges of digital training. Co-founded the tech company Throwing Boulders in 2001 with Stephen Rhyne, that launched its most important product ConveYour.com in 2016 that’s disrupting the digital training world. Isaac brings a visionary mindset to my family by creating a legacy raising and educating their seven children with his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com. He refuses to waste his life achieving the world’s definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead deeply cares about making a difference in the world through the projects he’s involved with, those he serves, and the family he leads.

Many people are prepared for failure, but few are prepared for success. Without character, mentors, and real life experience, success can ruin your career. Isaac Tolpin unpacks this topic in today's episode. Isaac Tolpin is one of the Founders of ConveYour.com, the #1 Micro-Learning platform for influencers and companies. He’s a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart, enabling brands to authentically connect and inform at scale with over $105 million in combined revenues from the companies he’s helped build. His success comes from understanding the relationships between human behavior, business and technology. This expertise has helped celebrity influencers and companies to transform their knowledge into humanized digital training. His recent background includes cultivating a vineyard, keynote speaker, digital marketer, and EdTech disrupter through the pioneering Mirco-Training technology, ConveYour.com, the platform that’s improving the way influencers and organizations connect and train their people. He brings a visionary mindset to his family by creating a legacy raising and educating their 7 children with his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com.

I’m a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart, on the mission of humanizing the digital learning experience to equip and fuel change in the world.In the pursuit of making a difference through business, I’ve lost, won, and learned a ton with over 105 million in combined revenues from the companies I’ve been involved in building.Co-founded the tech company Throwing Boulders in 2001, that launchedits most important product ConveYour.com in 2016 that’s disrupting the digital training world.I bring a visionary mindset to my family by creating a legacy raising and educating our seven children with my wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com.I refuse to waste my life achieving the world’s definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead deeply cares about making a difference in the world through the projects I’m involved with, those I serve, and the family I lead.Learn More-www.conveyour.comInfluential Influencers with Mike Saundershttp://businessinnovatorsradio.com/influential-entrepreneurs-with-mike-saunders/

I’m a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart, on the mission of humanizing the digital learning experience to equip and fuel change in the world.In the pursuit of making a difference through business, I’ve lost, won, and learned a ton with over 105 million in combined revenues from the companies I’ve been involved in building.Co-founded the tech company Throwing Boulders in 2001, that launchedits most important product ConveYour.com in 2016 that’s disrupting the digital training world.I bring a visionary mindset to my family by creating a legacy raising and educating our seven children with my wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com.I refuse to waste my life achieving the world’s definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead deeply cares about making a difference in the world through the projects I’m involved with, those I serve, and the family I lead.Learn More-www.conveyour.comInfluential Influencers with Mike Saundershttp://businessinnovatorsradio.com/influential-entrepreneurs-with-mike-saunders/

Angie Tolpin joins me on the podcast today to chat about all things "courageous mothering". Angie is a wife, homeschooling mom of 7, doula, author, and speaker who is passionate about equipping women, in a Titus 2 manner, to mother well. When we sat down to record we instantly hit it off and ending up chatting for nearly 2 hours! Everything she said was so good, though, so I didn't want to lose any of that content. For that reason, we split up the episode into two parts, the first having released last Wednesday and the second releasing today. I hope you walk away encouraged by this episode!     What we Chat about in This Episode ~Raising children in a dark and perverse culture ~How to cultivate courage in mothering ~Embracing the season you're in ~The wisdom which comes with age ~How to pick your battles ~Spiritual warfare and the importance of the armor of God discussed in Ephesians 6 ~The importance of knowing what God has actually called you to - not what other moms expect of you ~Encouragement and vision for the homeschool mom who feels weak, inadequate, and not up to the task ~Courageously striking the balance between fully sheltering one's kids from the darkness of this world while also (in an age-appropriate manner) alerting them to the problems in the world so that they can form a Biblical worldview on those issues ~The importance of valuing the authority of God's Word in your life ~The fact that where we want to be in 20 years impacts what we do today ~Sheltering vs. educating ~How to show your children that Scripture applies to everything ~The fact that Satan attacks mothers because he hates life ~The importance of equipping and preparing your children for spiritual battle ~The crucial importance of moms being in the Word ~Cultivating a teacher/student relationship with your children ~And more!   For full show notes, head to www.hargraveshomeandhearth.com/podcast

Angie Tolpin joins me on the podcast today to chat about all things "courageous mothering". Angie is a wife, homeschooling mom of 7, doula, author, and speaker who is passionate about equipping women, in a Titus 2 manner, to mother well. When we sat down to record we instantly hit it off and ending up chatting for nearly 2 hours! Everything she said was so good, though, so I didn't want to lose any of that content. For that reason, we are splitting up the episode into two parts, the first releasing today and the second releasing next Wednesday. I hope you walk away encouraged by this episode!   What we Chat about in This Episode ~Ministering to women through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum ~The mommy wars and how they are impacting Titus 2 relationships  ~Biblical friendship, comparison, and fights between women  ~When research in motherhood becomes a problem ~Fostering friendships in a divisive culture ~Social media and friendship; the importance of in-real-life friendships ~The comparison trap and spiritual gifts ~Confronting sin in others ~Keeping your priorities straight in motherhood and ministry ~Mentorship among women ~And more!   For full show notes, head to www.hargraveshomeandhearth.com/podcast

Isaac Tolpin is one of the Founders of ConveYour.com, the #1 Micro-Learning platform for influencers and companies.  He’s a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart. On a mission, enabling brands to authentically connect and inform at scale with over 105 million in combined revenues from the companies he’s helped build.  His success comes from understanding the relationships between human behavior, business and technology. This expertise helped celebrity influencers and companies to transform their knowledge into humanized digital training. His recent background includes, cultivating a vineyard, keynote speaker, digital marketer, and EdTech disrupter through the pioneering Mirco-Training technology, ConveYour.com, the platform that’s improving the way influencers and organizations connect and train people.  He brings a visionary mindset to his family by creating a legacy raising and educating their 7 children with his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com. He refuses to waste his life achieving the world’s definition of success that leave so many empty.  Instead he does what matters through projects, those he serves, and the family he leads. Isaac Tolpin Vroom Veer Stories Had the entrepreneur bug very early; started making and selling crafts in High School Went to college (cause that what Gen Xer's do!); starting doing direct sales in college How to overcome massive entrepreneurial failure and come back stronger than ever Big lesson from this failure was to listen to friends he really trusts Learned how to be a better husband and father and to check his ego Why digital training needs be fun, effective, and never boring Human behavior doesn't allow digital training to take hours at a time; more like 5-7 minutes An optional workplace test game had a 95% completion rate; making it mandatory caused a drop Isaac Tolpin Connections Conveyour.com LinkedIn Facebook

Isaac Tolpin is a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart, on a mission, enabling brands to authentically connect and inform at scale, turning followers into raving fans. In the pursuit of making a difference through business, he won, lost and learned a ton with over 105 million in combined revenues from the companies he's built. He's mentored hundreds of entrepreneurs to pursue and successfully build what matters versus what's easy. Isaac's  recent background includes, cultivating a vineyard, keynote speaker, and EdTech disrupter as CEO and Co-Founder of ConveYour.com, the platform that's changing the way influencers connect and teach their followers. He brings a visionary mindset to my family by creating a legacy raising and educating our 7 children with his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com. Isaac refuses to waste his life achieving the world's definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead build more than a business through the projects he's involved with, those he serves, and the family he leads.

Isaac Tolpin is a tech entrepreneur and futurist at heart, on a mission, enabling brands to authentically connect and inform at scale, turning followers into raving fans. In the pursuit of making a difference through business, he won, lost and learned a ton with over 105 million in combined revenues from the companies he's built. He's mentored hundreds of entrepreneurs to pursue and successfully build what matters versus what's easy. Isaac's  recent background includes, cultivating a vineyard, keynote speaker, and EdTech disrupter as CEO and Co-Founder of ConveYour.com, the platform that's changing the way influencers connect and teach their followers. He brings a visionary mindset to my family by creating a legacy raising and educating our 7 children with his wife Angie Tolpin of Courageousmom.com. Isaac refuses to waste his life achieving the world's definition of success that leaves so many feeling empty, but instead build more than a business through the projects he's involved with, those he serves, and the family he leads.

Do you have strong biblical community? Do you know the people you go to church with? Do you or they notice when someone is not there and follow up? Is there authentic knowing of one another or do you only see each other on Sunday, maybe? You may think your church awesome! I hope you do! I hope this episode only spurs you on in more appreciate of what you already have!  But when we ask people about what makes their church so special, the first thing most people will say, is the people. Is your church representative of the “Family of God” in your life? Have you ever even experienced it? What I am asking is not about how “good of a sermon” you heard on Sunday, although that is an essential element and one worthy of changing churches over. But anyone can listen to a great sermon now with everything online. The second greatest commandment Jesus left us with after “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. ” in Matthew 22:37-38 was v. 39, “ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”Neighbor. Just think about that for a moment. Do you actually know your neighbors? People in your town? I am wondering if you have strong trusting relationships with others who live near you. People who will help when that time comes and who can trust you to help them. I hope you do! We know many amazing people in our community, but none of us fellowship together in Church! Isaac and Angie Tolpin talk about why they are planting a brick and mortar church in the center of their home town and some of the changes they are making to the modern church model to go beyond Sunday attendance to a culture of real connection. Get practical insights that are sure to make you reflect on church, community, and perhaps strengthen your intentionality with people locally.For all shows notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.comMasterbooks https://www.masterbooks.com/courageousJoin the Masterbooks Giveaway and you might receive some of our favorite curriculumsCreating a Masterpiece creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousUthrive Academy https://www.uthrive.academy/parentsGet 66% off retail by using discount code COURAGEOUS at checkoutSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousFOR MORE RESOURCES:becourageousministry.orgresoluteman.comCONNECT WITH THE MINISTRY AND THE TOLPINS-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Courageous Parenting:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.parenting/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/courageousparent/Angie Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.mom/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CourageousMomIsaac Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/resolute.man/-Twitter: https://twitter.com/IsaacTolpin-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheResoluteManCONTACT----------------------------------------------------isaac@becourageousministry.orgSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

People feel more overwhelmed than ever, could it be what we are feeding our minds? What we saturate our minds with daily will contribute to feeling overwhelmed or joyful. Isaac and Angie get raw and real about their marriage in handling overwhelm with valuable practical insights.Technology can be incredibly useful but also has the potential for harm. Do we get rid of the smartphones or become more disciplined with them? That's a choice for each family, but Isaac and Angie Tolpin make an argument that our children need to see us model self-discipline with technology and as they get older help them be self-disciplined in how they use technology as well while they are in our homes.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

Are you living in freedom to be authentically who God made you to be or do you put on masks when you leave the home or when you're around certain people? You will become exhausted, insecure, and lonely if you project something different than who you are, but the real issue is that your children are watching. They will either adopt the masks you wear or call you a hypocrite in the teenage years and stop yearning for your wisdom. If what you are projecting to start a friendship isn't authentically you, it will be hard to keep it. Isaac and Angie Tolpin dig into why we tend to wear masks at times and how to truly break free and live in freedom!Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; is the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

Mother's Day can bring mixed emotions for all kinds of reasons, and Angie Tolpin, a mother of nine, gets raw and real about the joys, hurts, and God's great purposes for motherhood in this special episode. No matter where your motherhood journey is at this will encourage and inspire you. Motherhood is sanctifying and an awesome privilege and responsibility God has given you. Don't let comparison, loss, jealousy, and unmet expectations hinder your joy this motherhood season, or any season in your journey. You are doing some of the most important work in the world right in your home!Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; is the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

A biblically minded and thought-provoking episode on navigating pride month as a parent. Isaac and Angie Tolpin give bold perspectives on the importance of proactive communication with your children on the biblical viewpoints on pride month standing firm in the faith while also loving others well. The importance of voting with your dollars and sharing with your children why you are doing so. Get practical insights and scriptures you can share with your children. All show notes, scripture references, and resources mentioned are found at courageousparenting.com.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

With the acceleration of change in society, it's vital we think about what we need to be instilling today to combat the negative effects that some of the changes will bring. Isaac and Angie Tolpin give five areas parents should focus on instilling a love for while they're in your home, so that despite society changing, they stay the course against the popular alternatives.If you instill not just a love for what's real, but understanding why it's better, and help them experience these five things, it will dramatically impact your legacy even though the future will look so different than today.Be encouraged to be courageous and do what's needed today so that they thrive in all their tomorrows. Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; is the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

Youtube & Red CircleEvery Christian parent should ask themselves this question in a posture of being open to self-reflection regarding their home. Isaac and Angie Tolpin give a few challenges in this episode that are likely to cause even the most well-intentioned parents to think about opportunities for recalibration. The reality is, most homes are somewhat led by the children actually. Of course at first glance every parent would likely say, “That's not our home!” well…you might be surprised at how this actually plays out without parents even recognizing it's happening. It starts in the toddler years and perpetuates as children get older in most families, maybe even all homes at times. The difference becomes whether the parents recalibrate when it happens and shift back on course in a concerted way. But with most unaware of the depth of what they are allowing to be cultivated in their family culture, too many don't recalibrate.  The statistics are starting to show dramatic evidence of this which often even leads to the whole family adjusting their theological viewpoints. Isaac gives a huge challenge to fathers at the end of the episode you won't want to miss and the whole episode is full of practical insights and encouragement as you parent in these unprecedented times.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; is the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

Peer influences are powerful and there will be times other adults are around your children as they get older. Children must know when to disobey authority, what's appropriate behavior, what to do when someone tries to touch them in the wrong places, and so much more. Isaac and Angie Tolpin dive into how to equip littles, middles, and teenagers to protect their body, their eyes, what boundaries to expect, and overall how to navigate in today's world. They break their direction up into three periods of time in your childrens lives where you will go from high directive parenting, to guiding, and finally moving towards coaching your children in the teenage years. You're still the parents and at times regardless of their age you'll be directing, but be warned, if you don't adjust over time, you will cause the opposite of what you want in your relationship with your children.Be sure to subscribe to our channel, but also on your favorite podcast app too!For all show notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.com.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

It can be difficult to navigate when to press forward with something good as a parent and when to stop. Getting this wrong is easy and getting it right is really hard. Unfortunately a lot of really good things get cut short once they get hard and sometimes really good things need to stop because it's preventing something better to happen.If you navigate this well, you will have more unusually good things happen way down the road, but that's the challenge, we have to experience discomfort in doing the harder thing for fruit we can't see yet.Isaac and Angie Tolpin give their three steps to deciding if they should stay the course or make a change and it's not what most people do. Don't miss their unprecedented times tip at the end which you will never be able to guess but will keep you thinking.For all shows notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.comMasterbooks https://www.masterbooks.com/courageousJoin the Masterbooks Giveaway and you might receive some of our favorite curriculumsCreating a Masterpiece creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousUthrive Academy https://www.uthrive.academy/parentsGet 66% off retail by using discount code COURAGEOUS at checkoutSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousFOR MORE RESOURCES:becourageousministry.orgresoluteman.comCONNECT WITH THE MINISTRY AND THE TOLPINS-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Courageous Parenting:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.parenting/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/courageousparent/Angie Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.mom/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CourageousMomIsaac Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/resolute.man/-Twitter: https://twitter.com/IsaacTolpin-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheResoluteManCONTACT----------------------------------------------------isaac@becourageousministry.orgSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

The Covid era and the new MAHA movement has helped people realize how corrupt big pharma is and how at times our government doesn't have the best interest of the people. We share our story of deciding against vaccines early on in our twenty-four year journey parenting nine children and what we did instead. While western medicine can be helpful when you truly need it, we have seen the fruit of growing in knowledge of how to treat things naturally. Angie Tolpin shares how she grew in knowledge, shares her favorite books on vaccines and natural health as well. Tips on how to build your team of health professionals you see eye to eye with and encouragement to advocate for your family without fear. Be sure to subscribe to our channel, but also on your favorite podcast app too!For all show notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.com.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

How you handle this will likely impact whether you have a multi-generational legacy of faith or not. If your children are resisting church, that's a vital indicator of either a problem with your church that needs to be fully discovered, or a heart issue in your child towards church and God. Isaac and Angie Tolpin give practical insights on what to do when your children show resistance to going to church. If you want your children to make being part of a church family a priority with their families in the future, they must see you making it a priority consistently in yours. Be sure to subscribe to our channel, but also on your favorite podcast app too!For all show notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.com.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

 If there's anger in your parenting, it will likely continue through your children into future generations. You have an opportunity to establish a new legacy through your family. Get practical insights backed by the bible on how to overcome getting angry in those hard moments as a parent. Isaac and Angie Tolpin also talk about having a biblically sound discipline plan that your marriage is aligned on.Be sure to subscribe to our channel, but also on your favorite podcast app too!For all show notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.com.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Voetberg Music Academy; the online music class that children actually love and make progress with! Get 20% off with code COURAGEOUShttps://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

Video games, social media, smart phones, and pornography are all issues the parents today must navigate with caution, wisdom, and foresight. This is potentially one of the most relevant topics facing parents today: how to parent in a technology world? Not only do we as parents need to make some parenting decisions regarding how to navigate this touchy subject, we also need to equip our children and teach them WHY! There are a lot of opinions out there regarding when or if you should give a teenager a smart phone with internet, but what does the science say?In this very important episode our guest shares her personal testimony of parenting a teen and young adult who struggled through an addiction to video games and how those lessons learned changed her parenting with her next three children and changed the trajectory of her family culture and her career. Join Angie as she, Melanie and Evan Hempe from Screen Strong discuss the scientific evidence of effects on the brain and some suggestions on how to navigate the teen years.Today's podcast episode is a lively, relevant, educational, and fun conversation between a Mom and her son and host Angie Tolpin. Screen Strong has developed curriculums for both parents and children alike to teach on “Kid's Brains & Screens” as well as help parents navigate a detox if necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling with how to navigate parenting on these topics, please consider sharing this episode with them. We do not need to parent alone. There is so much information out there, but to have two older moms share their hearts, experiences, failures, and lessons learned is truly priceless and they don't leave you anxious about the potential harms, rather, Melanie shares some tips, tools, and resources to help you as you stand strong in culture that is shifting wayward like the tides of the culture. To learn more about Summit Ministries and the online program go to summit.org/courageousFOR MORE RESOURCES: ---becourageousministry.orgresoluteman.comCONNECT WITH THE MINISTRY AND THE TOLPINS-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Courageous Parenting: -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.parenting/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/courageousparent/Angie Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.mom/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CourageousMomIsaac Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/resolute.man/-Twitter: https://twitter.com/IsaacTolpin-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheResoluteManCONTACT ----------------------------------------------------isaac@courageousparenting.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

As Christians, how do we navigate evil when we see it? Do we ignore it or expose it? Isaac and Angie Tolpin give a strong biblical argument for exposing it. Christian passivity is actually dangerous to society and dangerous to a family's future legacy too. Get direction as parents in how to navigate this, hear powerful stories, quotes from our founding fathers and more.For all show notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.com.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Masterbooks; Homeschool curriculum we love and use https://www.masterbooks.com/courageousVoetberg Music Academy; the online music class that children actually love and make progress with!https://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

“How do I handle people influencing my children in the wrong ways?” This is one of the most asked questions we get. It's part of why we believe it takes more courage to parent in these unprecedented times than the last few generations of parents. Get the four steps Isaac and Angie Tolpin lay out for doing this well. We want to evangelize, we want to be lights for Christ, and we want great relationships, but none of that should be at the cost of negatively impacting our children. The sad truth is too many Christian parents are sacrificing their children's long-term well being. While it's not the intention, it's a pervasive problem.Perhaps we've been taught to avoid conflict at all costs, perhaps we are more of a people pleaser than we should be. Instead we should value training up our children in the way they should go, we should value sharing truth in a loving way that sharpen others and deepens relationships.Perhaps in the moments that matter, it's more self-preserving to not do anything when influences aren't ideal, than trying to love others and your children well by sharing concerns. Avoidance of conflict to stay comfortable and preserve relationships is often the source of why this happens. This is an encouraging episode backed by the bible with practical insights to help you navigate these difficult waters as the world is increasingly swaying so many that are likely around your family.For all show notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.com.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Masterbooks; Homeschool curriculum we love and use https://www.masterbooks.com/courageousCreating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousFOR MORE RESOURCES:becourageousministry.orgresoluteman.comcourageousmom.comCONNECT WITH THE MINISTRY AND THE TOLPINS-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Courageous Parenting:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.parenting/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/courageousparent/Angie Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.mom/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CourageousMomIsaac Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/resolute.man/-Twitter: https://twitter.com/IsaacTolpin-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheResoluteManCONTACT----------------------------------------------------isaac@becourageousministry.orgSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

Who's going to win the presidential election? With three assassination attempts so far, mass illegal immigration and perhaps more devious moves ahead in an effort to move America away from its constitutional framework, we must be prepared for the possibility that the America we know could further erode to satisfy the global initiatives. So how do we parent through this? Who do our children see that our hope is in? What are sound actions steps to be taking now in our parenting?Isaac and Angie Tolpin answer these questions to help Christian parents be biblical strong examples in their actions; the balance between being activated citizens and standing for what's right while also keeping our hope firmly in the Lord. Our children are watching and learning every day, so let's do this well during these chaotic months ahead.For all show notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.com.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Masterbooks; Homeschool curriculum we love and use https://www.masterbooks.com/courageousCreating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousFOR MORE RESOURCES:becourageousministry.orgresoluteman.comcourageousmom.comCONNECT WITH THE MINISTRY AND THE TOLPINS-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Courageous Parenting:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.parenting/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/courageousparent/Angie Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageous.mom/-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CourageousMomIsaac Tolpin:-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/resolute.man/-Twitter: https://twitter.com/IsaacTolpin-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheResoluteManCONTACT----------------------------------------------------isaac@becourageousministry.orgSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations

If you don't recalibrate your family's direction periodically, mediocrity grows and there will be repercussions over time. Isaac and Angie Tolpin give their secrets to making the best adjustments and plan of action to improve their family culture. See the culture of your family isn't what you say or even think your family is about, it's what it truly is; meaning the real behaviors and attitudes that are normal in your home and within the people in your family. Being honest about that is vital to know where to influence change. Get the inside secrets from this marriage of twenty-five years raising nine children.For all show notes, scriptures, and resources mentioned go to courageousparenting.com.Companies we love who sponsor the show:Masterbooks; Homeschool curriculum we love and use https://www.masterbooks.com/courageousVoetberg Music Academy; the online music class that children actually love and make progress with!https://www.voetbergmusicacademy.com/Creating a Masterpiece; the preferred Art course by the Tolpin children creatingamasterpiece.com/courageousSamaritans Ministry https://samaritanministries.org/becourageousSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/courageous-parenting/donations