Podcasts about mind out

For Colored Girls Who've Completed Suicide: The Afterlife At The End of The Rainbow [An Inspiring Story] Had I exacted this science, For starters, On anyone else but A circle of stars, I forewarn you, I wouldn't be honored as such Just a disheartened philosopher, A nonpartisan biocentric; Listen, I'm learning my lessons and levels UGH, ARE YOU DONE YET. what. WE'RE STILL WAITING. huh? DRAKE BELL How long do i have to keep doing this for? ILLUMINATI Till the end DRAKE BELL Whens the end. ILLUMINATI When it is. Now even looking for something to watch became a writing assignment. *squinting* –and somehow, without even touching my mango, my keyboard was already sticky. *squinting even harder* –No… –No…(?) No. …No. Ugh! Try not to hold your breath. *holding breath/ attempting to block telepathy.* I told you, I need this. *attempt to block telepathy had failed* You don't need anything. *squinting exactly alike* The eyes really are windows… Maybe I should jump out then. –or jump in. dayumm . sike . Alright, I need something to take my mind off this project. How much acid did you put in the water. Enough Fuck, I hate my life. Which bottle is it in. [beat] All of them. *facepalm* Remarkable, what the love of a teenaged girl can do. I wouldn't quite call it that. I would. Don't be gross. I'm you. You're gross. Touche. I don't think we should be doing this. We shouldn't be. Ah come on! Now Johnny Depp? Nice. He's like 100 years old. Ah, to be young again. So wait. How the fuck exactly old is this lady? Really fucking old. Like, how old, though. Really, really fucking old. Okay, I have to talk to this Goddess. [She dances by] *gasp* Is that her?! Yeus. She's young again! It appears she has procured a body! Presumably! I must do the same! At once! At one! Lol who are these dudes. Just wait for it. Hurmph. Nrh. *sigh of deep frustration, facepalm* *falls into a deep unconscious of out sheer bewilderment* Oh good, they're here. Who's they? I don't know! Hm. Suhp. Nice rabbit hole. *shrugs nonscalontly* On telephone) She bought a what a Whole Foods Market? (In public, trying not to be heard) A penis shaped sweet potato. A WHAT? [Speak up] A– penis shaped sweet potato. A WH– A PENIS-SHAPED SWEET POTATO. (Everyone stops and stares) …it was delicious. Nice. I don't know Anymore What to do With myself I'm a mess On the Inside and out –wanna cry about it He's a rock and roll sex God I don't know What to think Anymore No, don't ask My opinion, It gets old Afterawhile, And after awhile I'll cry about it, but Right now, I've gotta get out of this Gotta get out! I gotta get out of this project. Well, how'd you get into it in the first place ? I don't know. I think i really tied one on at some party, I must have really been on one, i don't remember a thing. Ugh, what do you want. Listen, Ill make it quicK: It's bee quick. Do you have a deathclock on this guy, or what. Or what. That's all I want to know. Know what? When? When what? [Stopping] Are you serious. What. If i could tell you “when” then it wouldn't be a deathclock, would it. MAybe it's not. Yeah, I wish. Hey! wishes get granted– –I said that. –You said that. Look– Don't touch me. Sorry. No you're not. –if you can't give me the when–at least give me the how. Oh, the “How” Yeah. You want the “How” Just–yes. If i can't give you the “when”, what exactly makes you think I can give you the “How” Well, do you know how? You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. Well. Okay. “Okay”? I'm not a human being. Oh, right. UGH. I can't spend another minute with that WOMAN. Well, that's your grandmother, so Great-great– Whatever. You exist because she exists. Existed. She was dead before I was born! Actually, that's not true. Beg your pardon. …Ever had your palm read before. All of your kids– “kids “ Read: Lovechildren. Ahem. Are in this room And– Fuck that I'm not writing this scene, It wouldn't be the most horrible thing you'd ever written. No, but it's one of the most horrible things i've ever thought about, Is that so? No! It's funny but– But what? It's the fact I even thought about it that scares me. What is UP. What IS up? Have you ever thought about dating a writer? No. Aw, come on… Actually yes–once Once is all I need! Not you. Daww… I dated a writer once in college. What, really? Really. But that was in college. I was in college. He was a writer. Oh, that's hot. Not Exactly. He worked for Disney. Wait–he what? Hm. I almost forgot about that. DISNEY We didn't [simultaneously] MICKEY MOUSE I didn't. Well, what happened. Nothing, really. He was great. The only problem was… Flashback: Wait, you're 17. SEVENTEEN?? What's th difference! A YEAR! *purses lips* …or like, a couple months… *face* …or like–midnight on your birthday! *squints* But not 17! *shrugs* Hollywood Is Hollywood. Well, New Hollywood is a whole different story What's “New Hollywood?” My level is indifference, Benevolence, inward violence Ending obsessions and arrangements, Incessant sexual repression, Exponential explanations –Of the world i've never lived in, but created, apparently. Now, i”m unhinged Haven't made a decision on whether I should just binger, or Find a new mister, Or end it I'm still sitting Stuck on ‘concentrical' Now I'm unhinged And it's just been a minute I haven't mentioned his name in a minute, but I should stay clear, is it Everclear or Here, son, Just have another bottle Now i'm not stuck on Nothing and no one I cant even see movies anymore All i see is actors, All i hear is conversations I've already written in Closed conversations with critics Dressed as Angels All i see is Camera Angles The city of angels But my algorithm Must have build new york for me, From consciousness or something Sometimes just apartment hunting is Simply avigation and, of course Expanding the map It's just a 3D phenomenon, But all I want is just a hug, You know No you don't know. I've been stuck at concentrical Stopped at Columbus Circle, and The harsher the winter, The fonder of the west I am The girls scream in the audience, I hiss “My sentiments exactly” My sentiments exactly. Keep them all away from me, I'll love them at a distance I only want the music, anyway I only want the music And the music is All anyone knows about her, really Even her mother Who loves her, But at a distance And the music is, The only think she knows, anymore Even the words are just Color that accents it. Holy shit, the early 2000's were corny af Right now is corny af. Yeah, i guess. LOOK AT THESE CREDITS: Oh my God. LOOK AT EM. OKAY, ALRIGHT. YOU DON'T THINK EVERY ONE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAS A SCREENPLAY IN THEIR BACK POCKET. What's a “Foley editor” NOBODY. Well he's in the credits. Yeah, but do you think even his mother is going to sit this long after the movie is over to see that guys name because he was a–what the fuck “A foley editor” What IS that. I don't know, Mr. Hollywood. Oh, right, I'm Mr. Hollywood. Well, not literally– Of course not. Wait, is that a thing. If it was, would I be it? [Super Nerdy Writer] I mean, you'd at least be the poster child. Okay, my turn. HI THERE, FACE HERE. *inconsolable screaming* Holy shit, the 90's was RAW. Okay, so your childhood is terrifying. Just wait till we get to the *More inconsolable screaming* Lol. Look. What up bro. It's Juggalos. lol . After a few days of layering m usual favorite isocronic tones, it appeared that someone or something elsewhere was attempting to made contact–and though I could't isolate which frequency exactly it was coming from, it usually came in the form of music or some other source, rather what was usually hidden in between th concentrated tones themselves–however, the music always seemed far away, so far awa that it sounded as if it was being played through a tin can, merely connected to another–my own ears–with a string. Woah. Yeah. Do you think it's aliens Probably. Or like, I don't know–some other humans with like, a radio tower or satellite, some shit. I don't know. Right. Lol. maybe you're the alien. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. We know you know where it is. I DO NOT. You're hiding it. HIDE! THAT THING?! So you do know what it is OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS: And it's RIDICULOUS you think i would be hiding it. BRFORR Quick! HIde! OKay. THAT THING IS ENORMOUS. Hm. Smaller. OK. I n I T I A T I N G S H R INkING SEQUEnCE In 5 Seven Bananas… FUCK, MAN. What's this dumb game. *takes shot* it IS dumb. You have to take a shot every time she eats a banana. Oh no. This is fucked up. *barfs* You wanna play? Nah, I'm good. Diplo. What. You have 57 children. *nods* Never look at me again. *hangs head* Go that way, with your children. Dillon Francis. Yes. You have 8 kids. )That's believable) Oh, wow. *You have 84 kids. WHAT! He has more kids than me! Yes. Astonishingly, however the same percentage of them are black. Go say hello. Uhh. Now: Wait, where are you going. The the auditorium. There's an auditorium? For what. AN ENORMOUS AUDITORIUM is filled to capacity with children of all ages, shapes, and sizes, colors, creeds, genders, and otherwise–but they all seem to have something quirkily in common. What the fuck. How does he have more kids than me?! Are you serious?! Whose kids are THESE. Mind your business. Let me guess. There's still busses pulling up. I know. And a helicopter! Oh, that's just the guest of honor. Are you serious. SKRILLEX thinks he is preforming a charity benefit concert. *landing on helipad* LOL OhGod. MEANWHRILE. Whats in here. NOTHING. Just GET IN THE BOX. NO. GET– NO IN THE BOX WElcome to Jack In The Box Welcome to Hack In the Crack–what are you hacking? Uhhh. Gimme three juicy squirtalicious tacos. Eugh Extra squirt. Gross! And uh– You want anything. I'm good. Suit yourself. Best tacos ever. __ Wait, hold on. “Wait what” I think i might be getting tired, or something. Right…tired, “or something.” Or something. RIght. *blow horn* * * * * * * * Do you ever get lonely. No. Oh… But it's safe to say, all I can think about sometimes is getting railed. Oh! Moving on. Watch this. *snipes* Nice. Now check it out, that's where she respawns. (from behind) Not always. Oh shit. *stop*camping* DOUBLE KILL. Nice. Fuck I hate this map. Fuck I hate this map. Would you shut up. You wanna see a world class superstar fall out of alignment? …no. Too bad. You're hired. …hired for what. You applied on indeed, right? Yeah, as a janitor. NO. You're a paparazzi, dressed as a janitor. What! Here's your camera. (it is a cheap disposable) Are you serious. You get any good pictures, we'll talk about a nikon. Can't I just use my iPhone? Depends. Do you want your iPhone smashed? …no. Then NO. … “The Bad Boys Of Hollywood” Prepare To Be Canceled the gathering of this ingenuine group of elites causes a frenzy and stir amongst the masses as they appear, cross-dimensionally to have been reborn into stardom, mysteriously gaining controversy and mass fandom, to which no bounds can be seen as to the unstartlingly political incorrectness. I'm gonna need you to do me a favor. What's that? Shut up Don't ever look at me again. If i could take my eyes out, I would. No, need–I can do it for you. Haha, charade you are. You're a disaster. That's your excuse. Yeah, what's yours? Under the indifferential circumstances– “ooh–lala” I'm not as partial to making excuses as –as to what? Kissing ass? Only cute ones. Let it settle in, way down below deck Where the honor rollers are, The high rollers, far above you You wanna know how long the ride is? Wanna know how far you've come If i could throw you overboard, I'd trust you Love is not enough The seas are rough An open wound A bleeding heart How right you are The tea is strong, Like solid gold A needle's bond With no remorse, The tithes are gone Upright, Upright To end, to End That's right, I said Just end it I said “Better me than him” Another dinner with a friend A fear for framework, Or indifference again In this selection or Collection, Bears and end to End And End to end Upright And End to End Upright And End to end I dont know, if i want to know you I dont love like I want to love but I watched him raise the dead, Just so he had a friend I don't know if you've been told, but I don't love like I want to love, and I often raise the dead, Just so i can have a friend To play with It's darker in here, Oh, It's sufferable So I just want to know I live in a haunted house With a cat and a mouse But the old cat's gone, now the mouse tends to travel a lot I've nothing to haunt, (I'm a ghost in Toronto) A car show, A hollow heart, A starving artist, A scar; Over her bottom lip she runs her tongue So it goes: The stars on his face remind her of him So it goes: We all want Out of body Out of Mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Why (Why-Why) Would you leave me to wake (Why) In a terrible world Without you in it (A M ercedes emblem to hang around my neck, It's very simple) I tried to settle on subtle saffron I tried to love you, Then I moved on Do you ever wonder about philosophy? Do you ever wonder if anyone's watching you Secretly? Do you ever dream of it? (I'm just a ghost in a mansion) I haven't even had breakfast I've practically been dead half a century I sold the whole eiffel tower on craigslist What a bargain! You started it! I'm not arguing. I lost that bet, you know. Clearly. Is it that obvious? How do you lose a bet to Dillon Francis? He lost the bet but won the race. Whatever that means Okay. Who the fuck wrote this. [No show of hands] Nobody?! Thats our GOD. That's your God. yes. I thought Beyonce was your God. That's what I just SAID. We must infiltrate. But how. That which binds up through time The chemical, physical and biological nature of love An exploration of the meaning of meaning 1st, Second, and Third Movement Nice, I finally get to use a didgeridoo And bagpipes! And my trumpet! That sounds more like a french horn Or a “Jimmy Fallon and The Impenetrable Ten” Well, not entirely Impenetrable *stabs with sword* KRISTEN SHAAL Woah. MAYA RUDOLPH (or whoever) Dang. TINA FEY (or whoever) (At least it wasn't me) Right. –all i'm sayin. Wait, who got stabbed? Whoever. Not Jimmy Fallon. No. His untimely death is later. How much later? I don't– __ Meanwhile Dillon, if you spend $20 on Magic, I'm going to kill you. Haha, If i spend $20 on magic,it's very likely someone else is going to kill me. So it's settled. $20 on Magic, please. Fair. Ooh. Is this getting close to the part where Yup. SHH. WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS THROUGH TIME. BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO BACKWARDS. No, it isn't. What. I Came into blank street Tryna see a [?!] all coffee No cream please Scream supacree But really you can't see me Can't take it to deep on w sweetie keyboard Feed me b Seymour Ain't tryna be gory Corey Hate to inform you I I'm stuck at the rock I'm stuck at the bottom Youre stuck at the top Fine! fuckin fuck Drew Barrymore, then! Work harder and more often Fuck love and whole foods cause they All Flashback music London … …. …… ………. Who else has seen this. Nobody, just us. We must burn this at once. I wholeheartedly agree. [Remarkably huge bonfire.] Did u make copies. ya . Ooh, that's cool. Very creative. Wow Nice. … … …. Have you seen this? No. Look at it. …ilikeit. Sensations of sadness Salacious arpeggios Arduous agressions Transitions– progressive Incendiary imagery Electric Synthesis Intentionally focused, configurative –Literally Skrillex. Ugh, that might be the last thing I ever write about him. Just shoot the nigga. Ooh, he's so cute. Keep him away from me. C'mon. Yo–I can't. Fine, i'll do it. *sighs indifferently* You could move a mountain; I could stop the tide In a flash; All at once It was a long, long drive I miss the coast (Or maybe, I just miss the sunshine) You could move a mountain Keep me from going insane (If I was inside, you'd) Keep me from going outside (if I was in, though, you'd) Keep me from going in, Under the circumstances I can't stand it, but I'm back from having summer standing under subtle waters Waiting for someone who Never shows up, so So Suffer no longer I wouldn't want to want you, if i wondered more about it At the surface, Or way under Nothing wants what nothing gets And noting gets nothing Anyways, so Here's for the abstract Stream of conscious Nothing moves mountains, but You could move mountains In a flash, and I turned the tide on I saw the tidal With my ghost And twelve apostles I've been waiting for Godot For so long I still think He might come Haha, what a charade We all are Huh I love you What was that? I've run off Huh I love you What was that? I've run off I finally fell out of love Look, I broke my own heart Sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I bite my lip, Fall into bed Maybe it's a hex Maybe it's a breakfast in bed kind of moment I've been waking up with someone, But going in the world alone, eh It's never run to remember where you've been After a binder You would think with so much in my system I'd have reached indifference, Well, didn't you I didn't yet, In fact, I'm still tying one one, With a friend At the moment Well perhaps, just perhaps, It might be time that I let you go then? Don't be so chauvinistic. Isn't this a barmitvah? Hasn't this been discussed at several other functions To no exact conclusions More Complications I could just FUCK, I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER. He says it's a pluck, But i see it's percussive If I could give less of a fuck Then I probably coudn't. Woah How many wishes I've granted This festival season How many shifts that I've written through Sitting on busses and subways Looking suspicious as ever and probably smelling atrocious. INT. BLINK FITNESS. …I'm not using that shower. I thought I'd be more employable After sorting some, But it seems as though The more there is The more there isn't And the deeper it gets –the number of spirits I've risen Since getting here Is steady rising It's no surprise I've got more friends that died Than have lived here. It's been a very long year But I fucked it off quickly I'll never listen to Skrillex again If you paid me, But i'll play it In my mixes Depending Fuck it, There my brain went Down the drain again I've been training over a year And i'm still not Kayla fit I'm sick of it I've been waiting for Godot Since the year that I wrote it I've been wearing these bracelets for years Still haven't seen frozen, So i can't let it go yet Oh shit. This is all a distraction The underground is massive Another Michaelangelo Anglo Saxon anonymous I want an erroneous daughter Or Androgynous, Whatever These prostitutes have Graduate degrees with honors All I ever was, Was a disappointment I got a smile like Madonna's But none of the love at all I got a back end like Beyonce's But just some of the talent “What's an ass for If i'm cellibate, anyhow?” I asked God, She said, “Eat A Taco” I just hope that's not a euphemism for lesbianism Not that i'm intolerant, it's just that The older I get The straighter I am, And dammit He's sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I write books, And mind my own business It's impossible to whitewash all of us But I love rock and roll Look: It's a S i T uATiO NA L C0MEDy. So?! SO, THIS IS THE SITUATION: I don't wanna do this. My heart's so broken I could hold it on chopsticks You ever wonder what love is I've forgotten I'm having a hard time holding it all in I'm an artist I've got colorful emotional troubles Others love it Lil biiiiiitttzzz Man, fuck new york. I was apartment hunting and I got off the train in midtown– Technically the upper west side, but, you know, Midtown So i get off the train and I get ready to cross the street: I'm like Oh, Awesome–Trader Joes; Maybe this is the right neighborhood So i gotta use the bathroom anyway, so I head towards trader joes And I see this like– Box of birds. No, not a cage. It was like–a bird box I'm like “what. Birds.” Not just birds, though, Colorful birds– Like, straight up parakeets. I'm like, “What. the fuck” Then, before I can even look up– This dude–I just see his leg, though, He just– kicks the box of birds. “what.” Like, towards me, and i'm like “Okay, alright.” Now i got a box of birds at my feet on this busy ass corner in midtown manhattan Adjacent to Trader Joes And I look up at the guy, who kicked the box of birds, And he has this bowl So I look at the guy, And I look at the bowl, And what's in the bowl. IT'S MORE BIRDS. “OH NO!' I say. Yes, I say this, out loud, in Midtown manhattan “Oh no!” Cause it's not just a bowl of birds It's a bowl of PIGEONS. Just kickin it, in this dudes bowl. I'm like “Oh no.” And then i cross into trader joes. “Yep, right neighborhood.” Alright, here's the plan. where did you come from. nowhere. someone shoot that lady. DILLON FRANCIS I'm your worst nightmare. Dillon Francis is everyone's worst nightmare: He's a good looking white dude with too much money. He's literally like 8 Billion People's worst nightmare. GET OUT OF HERE, COLONIZER. Oh, man. DILLON FRANCIS is trapped in the hood. Try being famous over here! Motherfucker! More on that later. Look, I don't even like you like that! That's okay—-but I still want to suck your cock and that's not gonna change. *hangs head* I'm am not ashamed. I just might watch porn in the morning. Come on, 6:30, roll the fuck around. Wait, Which one is the Brown eyed dillon francis. The one with brown eyes. He's the trustworthy one. Well good luck with that. (The one that doesn't exist.) I didn't take the train today; I thought I was going to jump Thought i'd better play it safe Filled up my shopping cart, Got everything I wanted Everything and more Might not look my best but At least I'm not gone Come on, six o clock I just want to be alone She's got the gift of gab Grew up two blocks from here In the ghetto I've heard it all before But love, my heart's so broken And you turn me on some I'm gonna smoke your seamen* out of a nektar collector. That shit is like crack to me. Oh no. Who is this about. I'll give you one guess. I don't have any guesses. It's five past Christ I just opened my eyelids And rolled back my mind I tried to find you, after all, didn't I I might have designed you (On second thought I did) I might need time (if I believed in it) can't apologize for being human, but I wear your eyes all over the world I wear the memories of many girls And many nights Suffer the consequences Sure, I've been subway surfing, wondering Wait, where was I again? I was almost, Almost a person There's so much to learn from And too much to learn here I've been fighting off demons, Fighting the feeling of Falling in love again But I can't fall in Cause I never fell out Afterward, I went past it And on to the next one I might double back though– To find that I hadn't quite left in the– To find that I hadn't quite left in the first place To find that we haven't quite met yet At least not the right way It's probably a lesson I might miss the lecture I've got other plans today Fuck, so it is Skrillex. Not really exactly. On second thought, at first glance Better illusion, than hypnotism But if I can't be like that Why be anything at all If not a model Or artist Brought it up at the wrong time (You would want her) I wasn't one for improper introductions Or impromptu arrangements There, there It's just getting better So better not whine about it I wake up in a pile full of rocks; I guess it's better than a puddle of blood, Cause nobody loves me I've been alone, not lonely And never alone as long as I like Cause they all just surround me Now I know what it's like to be famous Without all the money and glamour– Turns out, that's the part that alluring I'd better find out what I did this for In the next downpour I'll be soaked to my torso exactly Aren't you proud of me (not really) I learned to cope by narrowing down all my options As time rolled on I got worse at making up stories As it turns out I didn't have to make them up at all They were happening to me So truly and honestly All my job was to “Mark My Words” Said The God Quite astonishing literally But I got bored of running and still not looking like Kayla Lauren I wouldn't bring it up, except The photographic evidence was damaging At least Dillon Francis has no audacity as such Then again, —I've never even been on an album cover. There you have it I've been lusting over Several other Talented masters and Handsome disasters But matter of fact It just started with One random – Well, now that I think about it, if I haven't believed in coincidences Since this, Random is just as likely as foreign a concept As such Immaculate conception, This contraption At first glance, a sonogram Play it back, Caught in the act again Cause in the act again I'll probably make a list of Weird shit I want to do with him When I think of it in public (That's usually where it happens) And if anything is random –It's that. ILLUMINATI DREAMS: PART III Dillon Francis broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. That was cool. We were best friends and got along really well. Went hiking in a beautiful park with crystal clear water and gorgeous ruins— Fell in the water and got my phone wet but it was in an otter box. I felt guilty about his girlfriend a feared they would get back together— But he was over her and super loyal to me — It all started when I tried to crawl into a giant bed to give Sonny a blowjob: Sonny was sleeping alone and Dillon was sleeping with his girlfriend— Dillon decided he wanted the blowjob; I refused because I would not let him cheat on his girlfriend; So he broke it off with her— Sonny never woke up There was no blowjob but Dillon and I ended up together. Sonny disappeared like he never existed anyway. Dillon and I were happy together and never fought. We were very in love. It was just a dream but still good to see Dillon. It felt warm and good. Lmfao wtf is wrong with you SOMETHING, obviously. It made a difffetent sound from further away, and better yet, an actual sound up close—I had been enamored enough walking by to move towards the lights after I was sure that my laundry was as close to complete as possible, but — A clock stops me in my tracks A Starbucks cup not in the trash lies in the ground I love the sparkles On Rockaway boulevard, Making it harder to ponder The underworld, unnerved of the undeserving The servicemen and servers of the surface Boughroughs further than Manhattan At the center lil biiiiiitzzzzs — Bro, I love the cops in New York All the cops in the east are bar none top notch I'm not kidding I went to a show in Miami once and I was walking this really long walk between one part of the venue and another I will never forget this like, line of cops that were like along the path and every single one of them was model hot I'm not joking I'm almost wish I was because I couldn't help myself from looking That's not even the worst part! the worst part was, they were looking back at me! All of em! I was like: “what the fuck is going on with these cops?! “ V.O. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going cry– So instead of running two miles on the treadmill I went three– But I still wanted to punch something. So I lifted some. I've been worried i'll plateau at the benchpress, the more I keep running… But I don't care. I'd rather weighless, and have a man, Than keep lifting like this, And be a man. Sometimes I'm worried I might be turning into one. Sometimes, depending on the way I dress, I'm mistaken for one– Or at least– Give off an air of general confusion. But I don't mind. Not that much. I'm no naturally designed to attract the kind of men I like. It might take a bit of maintenance, But i'm determined to persist I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have been born a beautiful woman. But maybe, if i'm lucky, or if I try hard enough, I'll have an idea of what it's like to have become one. I'm counting my blessings. All of them. I'm saying my prayers. A lot. And I'm crossing my fingers– that the longer, harder, and faster I run, The closer I get to actually living. That is, To be loved. I wish I could take my eyes out and wash them wit soap. Oh. I wish i didn't know you existed; I wish I Didn't know how to love you God, I spoke to soon I opened up all of the wrong doors, I'm done for, You know, I'm not really good at nothing Nothing at all I wish i didn't know at all You were ever born; But there you are, a son of God, And I'm just rolling along, writing anthems, and carrying on as if everything happened at once But it hasn't Not yet, I'm still breaking my neck on the alter If you want blood I've got it Jump the broom, But watch your heart I've got a dagger full of them; You'd think i had it backwards, But that's the hard part If it were the other way around Oh But it's not No I don't want to love anyone, anymore, God Take me off of this rock Throw me head first overboard Push me in front of a bus; Or give me a heart attack I've had it harder before, But that was over there, I'm omnipresent. I could write forever to this (Ten years ago) I put the book with the devil on front Into my row A collection of noveelties An erection, selective To say the least But please, forgive me I'm veen on my knees And barely breathing, Let it simmer, Simmer down please settle, way below the belt Above you and Beyond this, But I'll never firget what you said (i love you) I'll nevr forget what you said And I'll never look back, dad And I'll never go back ther And I'll neve have blue eyes And I'll never have blonde hair And I'll never have white skin And I'll never be better At least not at this partl But maybe the other I'm just friendless I like it My security blanket The party i wasnt invited to My lies are compulsive; But not quite pathological But the girl was obnoxious And my spirit tyrannical I'm an animal But I pray a lot And used to fast as much Now that Ive been determined to be an deplorable Why not just kill myself? I'd be better off after With a kitchen, a shower I'd forget about money; Getting paid by the hour. I'd be better off anyway I need a vacation It was all in my head, anyway Then again, so is heaven Amen A…men A…men… It's a dangerous game we play But i'd rather not kill myself over you (Again) I'd rather not kill myself again I'd rather not kill myself Could be a coincidence But I doubt it, Since I don't believe in them But I could be getting my lines crossed My rum mixed with vodka And getting my ass whooped more often That's not a metaphor: I'm not a fighter It was metaphysical before, But now its atrocious This night'll be a lot longer If i remain hungry But I wanna look like Madonna! (minus, of course, the minor difference between us) I hadn't understood what an age gap meant, Until jumping it (hardee har har, that's a good one) I'm not even in my body right now; But i'm in my head Shut up, Becky! Isn't it bad enough, Your society? Fuck, I'm losing my mind Just not being blonde enough Or just not being wanted, or something (Loved) Playing the victim, But hey, At least i'm playing something! All these instruments are just too expensive I was just thinking how Photosensitive epilepsy and synestesia Might be deadly But I said “till death do us part” So i think that's what I need I thought my suicide ended it Now I'm in hell with him But I'd end it over and over again Just to be rid of him (yes, i'm serious) Fuck, man, Madonna's gonna kill— For Colored Girls Who've Completed Suicide: The Afterlife At The End of The Rainbow [An Inspiring Story] Had I exacted this science, For starters, On anyone else but A circle of stars, I forewarn you, I wouldn't be honored as such Just a disheartened philosopher, A nonpartisan biocentric; Listen, I'm learning my lessons and levels UGH, ARE YOU DONE YET. what. WE'RE STILL WAITING. huh? DRAKE BELL How long do i have to keep doing this for? ILLUMINATI Till the end DRAKE BELL Whens the end. ILLUMINATI When it is. Now even looking for something to watch became a writing assignment. *squinting* –and somehow, without even touching my mango, my keyboard was already sticky. *squinting even harder* –No… –No…(?) No. …No. Ugh! Try not to hold your breath. *holding breath/ attempting to block telepathy.* I told you, I need this. *attempt to block telepathy had failed* You don't need anything. *squinting exactly alike* The eyes really are windows… Maybe I should jump out then. –or jump in. dayumm . sike . Alright, I need something to take my mind off this project. How much acid did you put in the water. Enough Fuck, I hate my life. Which bottle is it in. [beat] All of them. *facepalm* Remarkable, what the love of a teenaged girl can do. I wouldn't quite call it that. I would. Don't be gross. I'm you. You're gross. Touche. I don't think we should be doing this. We shouldn't be. Ah come on! Now Johnny Depp? Nice. He's like 100 years old. Ah, to be young again. So wait. How the fuck exactly old is this lady. Really fucking old. Like, how old, though. Really, really fucking old. Okay, I have to talk to this Goddess. [She dances by] *gasp* Is that her?! Yeus. She's young again! It appears she has procured a body! Presumably! I must do the same! At once! At one! Lol who are these dudes. Just wait for it. Hurmph. Nrh. *sigh of deep frustration, facepalm* *falls into a deep unconscious of out sheer bewilderment* Oh good, they're here. Who's they? I don't know! Hm. Suhp. Nice rabbit hole. *shrugs nonscalontly* On telephone) She bought a what a Whole Foods Market? (In public, trying not to be heard) A penis shaped sweet potato. A WHAT? [Speak up] A– penis shaped sweet potato. A WH– A PENIS-SHAPED SWEET POTATO. (Everyone stops and stares) …it was delicious. Nice. I don't know Anymore What to do With myself I'm a mess On the Inside and out –wanna cry about it He's a rock and roll sex God I don't know What to think Anymore No, don't ask My opinion, It gets old Afterawhile, And after awhile I'll cry about it, but Right now, I've gotta get out of this Gotta get out! I gotta get out of this project. Well, how'd you get into it in the first place ? I don't know. I think i really tied one on at some party, I must have really been on one, i don't remember a thing. Ugh, what do you want. Listen, Ill make it quicK: It's bee quick. Do you have a deathclock on this guy, or what. Or what. That's all I want to know. Know what? When? When what? [Stopping] Are you serious. What. If i could tell you “when” then it wouldn't be a deathclock, would it. MAybe it's not. Yeah, I wish. Hey! wishes get granted– –I said that. –You said that. Look– Don't touch me. Sorry. No you're not. –if you can't give me the when–at least give me the how. Oh, the “How” Yeah. You want the “How” Just–yes. If i can't give you the “when”, what exactly makes you think I can give you the “How” Well, do you know how? You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. Well. Okay. “Okay”? I'm not a human being. Oh, right. UGH. I can't spend another minute with that WOMAN. Well, that's your grandmother, so Great-great– Whatever. You exist because she exists. Existed. She was dead before I was born! Actually, that's not true. Beg your pardon. …Ever had your palm read before. All of your kids– “kids “ Read: Lovechildren. Ahem. Are in this room And– Fuck that I'm not writing this scene, It wouldn't be the most horrible thing you'd ever written. No, but it's one of the most horrible things i've ever thought about, Is that so? No! It's funny but– But what? It's the fact I even thought about it that scares me. What is UP. What IS up? Have you ever thought about dating a writer? No. Aw, come on… Actually yes–once Once is all I need! Not you. Daww… I dated a writer once in college. What, really? Really. But that was in college. I was in college. He was a writer. Oh, that's hot. Not Exactly. He worked for Disney. Wait–he what? Hm. I almost forgot about that. DISNEY We didn't [simultaneously] MICKEY MOUSE I didn't. Well, what happened. Nothing, really. He was great. The only problem was… Flashback: Wait, you're 17. SEVENTEEN?? What's th difference! A YEAR! *purses lips* …or like, a couple months… *face* …or like–midnight on your birthday! *squints* But not 17! *shrugs* Hollywood Is Hollywood. Well, New Hollywood is a whole different story What's “New Hollywood?” My level is indifference, Benevolence, inward violence Ending obsessions and arrangements, Incessant sexual repression, Exponential explanations –Of the world i've never lived in, but created, apparently. Now, i”m unhinged Haven't made a decision on whether I should just binger, or Find a new mister, Or end it I'm still sitting Stuck on ‘concentrical' Now I'm unhinged And it's just been a minute I haven't mentioned his name in a minute, but I should stay clear, is it Everclear or Here, son, Just have another bottle Now i'm not stuck on Nothing and no one I cant even see movies anymore All i see is actors, All i hear is conversations I've already written in Closed conversations with critics Dressed as Angels All i see is Camera Angles The city of angels But my algorithm Must have build new york for me, From consciousness or something Sometimes just apartment hunting is Simply avigation and, of course Expanding the map It's just a 3D phenomenon, But all I want is just a hug, You know No you don't know. I've been stuck at concentrical Stopped at Columbus Circle, and The harsher the winter, The fonder of the west I am The girls scream in the audience, I hiss “My sentiments exactly” My sentiments exactly. Keep them all away from me, I'll love them at a distance I only want the music, anyway I only want the music And the music is All anyone knows about her, really Even her mother Who loves her, But at a distance And the music is, The only think she knows, anymore Even the words are just Color that accents it. Holy shit, the early 2000's were corny af Right now is corny af. Yeah, i guess. LOOK AT THESE CREDITS: Oh my God. LOOK AT EM. OKAY, ALRIGHT. YOU DON'T THINK EVERY ONE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAS A SCREENPLAY IN THEIR BACK POCKET. What's a “Foley editor” NOBODY. Well he's in the credits. Yeah, but do you think even his mother is going to sit this long after the movie is over to see that guys name because he was a–what the fuck “A foley editor” What IS that. I don't know, Mr. Hollywood. Oh, right, I'm Mr. Hollywood. Well, not literally– Of course not. Wait, is that a thing. If it was, would I be it? [Super Nerdy Writer] I mean, you'd at least be the poster child. Okay, my turn. HI THERE, FACE HERE. *inconsolable screaming* Holy shit, the 90's was RAW. Okay, so your childhood is terrifying. Just wait till we get to the *More inconsolable screaming* Lol. Look. What up bro. It's Juggalos. lol . After a few days of layering m usual favorite isocronic tones, it appeared that someone or something elsewhere was attempting to made contact–and though I could't isolate which frequency exactly it was coming from, it usually came in the form of music or some other source, rather what was usually hidden in between th concentrated tones themselves–however, the music always seemed far away, so far awa that it sounded as if it was being played through a tin can, merely connected to another–my own ears–with a string. Woah. Yeah. Do you think it's aliens Probably. Or like, I don't know–some other humans with like, a radio tower or satellite, some shit. I don't know. Right. Lol. maybe you're the alien. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. We know you know where it is. I DO NOT. You're hiding it. HIDE! THAT THING?! So you do know what it is OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS: And it's RIDICULOUS you think i would be hiding it. BRFORR Quick! HIde! OKay. THAT THING IS ENORMOUS. Hm. Smaller. OK. I n I T I A T I N G S H R INkING SEQUEnCE In 5 Seven Bananas… FUCK, MAN. What's this dumb game. *takes shot* it IS dumb. You have to take a shot every time she eats a banana. Oh no. This is fucked up. *barfs* You wanna play? Nah, I'm good. Diplo. What. You have 57 children. *nods* Never look at me again. *hangs head* Go that way, with your children. Dillon Francis. Yes. You have 8 kids. )That's believable) Oh, wow. *You have 84 kids. WHAT! He has more kids than me! Yes. Astonishingly, however the same percentage of them are black. Go say hello. Uhh. Now: Wait, where are you going. The the auditorium. There's an auditorium? For what. AN ENORMOUS AUDITORIUM is filled to capacity with children of all ages, shapes, and sizes, colors, creeds, genders, and otherwise–but they all seem to have something quirkily in common. What the fuck. How does he have more kids than me?! Are you serious?! Whose kids are THESE. Mind your business. Let me guess. There's still busses pulling up. I know. And a helicopter! Oh, that's just the guest of honor. Are you serious. SKRILLEX thinks he is preforming a charity benefit concert. *landing on helipad* LOL OhGod. MEANWHRILE. Whats in here. NOTHING. Just GET IN THE BOX. NO. GET– NO IN THE BOX WElcome to Jack In The Box Welcome to Hack In the Crack–what are you hacking? Uhhh. Gimme three juicy squirtalicious tacos. Eugh Extra squirt. Gross! And uh– You want anything. I'm good. Suit yourself. Best tacos ever. __ Wait, hold on. “Wait what” I think i might be getting tired, or something. Right…tired, “or something.” Or something. RIght. *blow horn* * * * * * * * Do you ever get lonely. No. Oh… But it's safe to say, all I can think about sometimes is getting railed. Oh! Moving on. Watch this. *snipes* Nice. Now check it out, that's where she respawns. (from behind) Not always. Oh shit. *stop*camping* DOUBLE KILL. Nice. Fuck I hate this map. Fuck I hate this map. Would you shut up. You wanna see a world class superstar fall out of alignment? …no. Too bad. You're hired. …hired for what. You applied on indeed, right? Yeah, as a janitor. NO. You're a paparazzi, dressed as a janitor. What! Here's your camera. (it is a cheap disposable) Are you serious. You get any good pictures, we'll talk about a nikon. Can't I just use my iPhone? Depends. Do you want your iPhone smashed? …no. Then NO. … “The Bad Boys Of Hollywood” Prepare To Be Canceled the gathering of this ingenuine group of elites causes a frenzy and stir amongst the masses as they appear, cross-dimensionally to have been reborn into stardom, mysteriously gaining controversy and mass fandom, to which no bounds can be seen as to the unstartlingly political incorrectness. I'm gonna need you to do me a favor. What's that? Shut up Don't ever look at me again. If i could take my eyes out, I would. No, need–I can do it for you. Haha, charade you are. You're a disaster. That's your excuse. Yeah, what's yours? Under the indifferential circumstances– “ooh–lala” I'm not as partial to making excuses as –as to what? Kissing ass? Only cute ones. Let it settle in, way down below deck Where the honor rollers are, The high rollers, far above you You wanna know how long the ride is? Wanna know how far you've come If i could throw you overboard, I'd trust you Love is not enough The seas are rough An open wound A bleeding heart How right you are The tea is strong, Like solid gold A needle's bond With no remorse, The tithes are gone Upright, Upright To end, to End That's right, I said Just end it I said “Better me than him” Another dinner with a friend A fear for framework, Or indifference again In this selection or Collection, Bears and end to End And End to end Upright And End to End Upright And End to end I dont know, if i want to know you I dont love like I want to love but I watched him raise the dead, Just so he had a friend I don't know if you've been told, but I don't love like I want to love, and I often raise the dead, Just so i can have a friend To play with It's darker in here, Oh, It's sufferable So I just want to know I live in a haunted house With a cat and a mouse But the old cat's gone, now the mouse tends to travel a lot I've nothing to haunt, (I'm a ghost in Toronto) A car show, A hollow heart, A starving artist, A scar; Over her bottom lip she runs her tongue So it goes: The stars on his face remind her of him So it goes: We all want Out of body Out of Mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Why (Why-Why) Would you leave me to wake (Why) In a terrible world Without you in it (A M ercedes emblem to hang around my neck, It's very simple) I tried to settle on subtle saffron I tried to love you, Then I moved on Do you ever wonder about philosophy? Do you ever wonder if anyone's watching you Secretly? Do you ever dream of it? (I'm just a ghost in a mansion) I haven't even had breakfast I've practically been dead half a century I sold the whole eiffel tower on craigslist What a bargain! You started it! I'm not arguing. I lost that bet, you know. Clearly. Is it that obvious? How do you lose a bet to Dillon Francis? He lost the bet but won the race. Whatever that means Okay. Who the fuck wrote this. [No show of hands] Nobody?! Thats our GOD. That's your God. yes. I thought Beyonce was your God. That's what I just SAID. We must infiltrate. But how. That which binds up through time The chemical, physical and biological nature of love An exploration of the meaning of meaning 1st, Second, and Third Movement Nice, I finally get to use a didgeridoo And bagpipes! And my trumpet! That sounds more like a french horn Or a Jimmy Fallon and The Impenetrable Ten Well, not entirely Impenetrable *stabs with sword* KRISTEN SHAAL Woah. MAYA RUDOLPH (or whoever) Dang. TINA FEY (or whoever) (At least it wasn't me) Right. –all i'm sayin. Wait, who got stabbed? Whoever. Not Jimmy Fallon. No. His untimely death is later. How much later? I don't– __ Meanwhile Dillon, if you spend $20 on Magic, I'm going to kill you. Haha, If i spend $20 on magic,it's very likely someone else is going to kill me. So it's settled. $20 on Magic, please. Fair. Ooh. Is this getting close to the part where Yup. SHH. WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS THROUGH TIME. BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO BACKWARDS. No, it isn't. What. I Came into blank street Tryna see a [?!] all coffee No cream please Scream supacree But really you can't see me Can't take it to deep on w sweetie keyboard Feed me b Seymour Ain't tryna be gory Corey Hate to inform you I I'm stuck at the rock I'm stuck at the bottom Youre stuck at the top Fine! fuckin fuck Drew Barrymore, then! Work harder and more often Fuck love and whole foods cause they All Flashback music London … …. …… ………. Who else has seen this. Nobody, just us. We must burn this at once. I wholeheartedly agree. [Remarkably huge bonfire.] Did u make copies. ya . Ooh, that's cool. Very creative. Wow Nice. … … …. Have you seen this? No. Look at it. …ilikeit. Sensations of sadness Salacious arpeggios Arduous agressions Transitions– progressive Incendiary imagery Electric Synthesis Intentionally focused, configurative –Literally Skrillex. Ugh, that might be the last thing I ever write about him. Just shoot the nigga. Ooh, he's so cute. Keep him away from me. C'mon. Yo–I can't. Fine, i'll do it. *sighs indifferently* You could move a mountain; I could stop the tide In a flash; All at once It was a long, long drive I miss the coast (Or maybe, I just miss the sunshine) You could move a mountain Keep me from going insane (If I was inside, you'd) Keep me from going outside (if I was in, though, you'd) Keep me from going in, Under the circumstances I can't stand it, but I'm back from having summer standing under subtle waters Waiting for someone who Never shows up, so So Suffer no longer I wouldn't want to want you, if i wondered more about it At the surface, Or way under Nothing wants what nothing gets And noting gets nothing Anyways, so Here's for the abstract Stream of conscious Nothing moves mountains, but You could move mountains In a flash, and I turned the tide on I saw the tidal With my ghost And twelve apostles I've been waiting for Godot For so long I still think He might come Haha, what a charade We all are Huh I love you What was that? I've run off Huh I love you What was that? I've run off I finally fell out of love Look, I broke my own heart Sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I bite my lip, Fall into bed Maybe it's a hex Maybe it's a breakfast in bed kind of moment I've been waking up with someone, But going in the world alone, eh It's never run to remember where you've been After a binder You would think with so much in my system I'd have reached indifference, Well, didn't you I didn't yet, In fact, I'm still tying one one, With a friend At the moment Well perhaps, just perhaps, It might be time that I let you go then? Don't be so chauvinistic. Isn't this a barmitvah? Hasn't this been discussed at several other functions To no exact conclusions More Complications I could just FUCK, I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER. He says it's a pluck, But i see it's percussive If I could give less of a fuck Then I probably coudn't. Woah How many wishes I've granted This festival season How many shifts that I've written through Sitting on busses and subways Looking suspicious as ever and probably smelling atrocious. INT. BLINK FITNESS. …I'm not using that shower. I thought I'd be more employable After sorting some, But it seems as though The more there is The more there isn't And the deeper it gets –the number of spirits I've risen Since getting here Is steady rising It's no surprise I've got more friends that died Than have lived here. It's been a very long year But I fucked it off quickly I'll never listen to Skrillex again If you paid me, But i'll play it In my mixes Depending Fuck it, There my brain went Down the drain again I've been training over a year And i'm still not Kayla fit I'm sick of it I've been waiting for Godot Since the year that I wrote it I've been wearing these bracelets for years Still haven't seen frozen, So i can't let it go yet Oh shit. This is all a distraction The underground is massive Another Michaelangelo Anglo Saxon anonymous I want an erroneous daughter Or Androgynous, Whatever These prostitutes have Graduate degrees with honors All I ever was, Was a disappointment I got a smile like Madonna's But none of the love at all I got a back end like Beyonce's But just some of the talent “What's an ass for If i'm cellibate, anyhow?” I asked God, She said, “Eat A Taco” I just hope that's not a euphemism for lesbianism Not that i'm intolerant, it's just that The older I get The straighter I am, And dammit He's sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I write books, And mind my own business It's impossible to whitewash all of us But I love rock and roll Look: It's a S i T uATiO NA L C0MEDy. So?! SO, THIS IS THE SITUATION: I don't wanna do this. My heart's so broken I could hold it on chopsticks You ever wonder what love is I've forgotten I'm having a hard time holding it all in I'm an artist I've got colorful emotional troubles Others love it Lil biiiiiitttzzz Man, fuck new york. I was apartment hunting and I got off the train in midtown– Technically the upper west side, but, you know, Midtown So i get off the train and I get ready to cross the street: I'm like Oh, Awesome–Trader Joes; Maybe this is the right neighborhood So i gotta use the bathroom anyway, so I head towards trader joes And I see this like– Box of birds. No, not a cage. It was like–a bird box I'm like “what. Birds.” Not just birds, though, Colorful birds– Like, straight up parakeets. I'm like, “What. the fuck” Then, before I can even look up– This dude–I just see his leg, though, He just– kicks the box of birds. “what.” Like, towards me, and i'm like “Okay, alright.” Now i got a box of birds at my feet on this busy ass corner in midtown manhattan Adjacent to Trader Joes And I look up at the guy, who kicked the box of birds, And he has this bowl So I look at the guy, And I look at the bowl, And what's in the bowl. IT'S MORE BIRDS. “OH NO!' I say. Yes, I say this, out loud, in Midtown manhattan “Oh no!” Cause it's not just a bowl of birds It's a bowl of PIGEONS. Just kickin it, in this dudes bowl. I'm like “Oh no.” And then i cross into trader joes. “Yep, right neighborhood.” Alright, here's the plan. where did you come from. nowhere. someone shoot that lady. DILLON FRANCIS I'm your worst nightmare. Dillon Francis is everyone's worst nightmare: He's a good looking white dude with too much money. He's literally like 8 Billion People's worst nightmare. GET OUT OF HERE, COLONIZER. Oh, man. DILLON FRANCIS is trapped in the hood. Try being famous over here! Motherfucker! More on that later. Look, I don't even like you like that! That's okay—-but I still want to suck your cock and that's not gonna change. *hangs head* I'm am not ashamed. I just might watch porn in the morning. Come on, 6:30, roll the fuck around. Wait, Which one is the Brown eyed dillon francis. The one with brown eyes. He's the trustworthy one. Well good luck with that. (The one that doesn't exist.) I didn't take the train today; I thought I was going to jump Thought i'd better play it safe Filled up my shopping cart, Got everything I wanted Everything and more Might not look my best but At least I'm not gone Come on, six o clock I just want to be alone She's got the gift of gab Grew up two blocks from here In the ghetto I've heard it all before But love, my heart's so broken And you turn me on some I'm gonna smoke your seamen* out of a nektar collector. That shit is like crack to me. Oh no. Who is this about. I'll give you one guess. I don't have any guesses. It's five past Christ I just opened my eyelids And rolled back my mind I tried to find you, after all, didn't I I might have designed you (On second thought I did) I might need time (if I believed in it) can't apologize for being human, but I wear your eyes all over the world I wear the memories of many girls And many nights Suffer the consequences Sure, I've been subway surfing, wondering Wait, where was I again? I was almost, Almost a person There's so much to learn from And too much to learn here I've been fighting off demons, Fighting the feeling of Falling in love again But I can't fall in Cause I never fell out Afterward, I went past it And on to the next one I might double back though– To find that I hadn't quite left in the– To find that I hadn't quite left in the first place To find that we haven't quite met yet At least not the right way It's probably a lesson I might miss the lecture I've got other plans today Fuck, so it is Skrillex. Not really exactly. On second thought, at first glance Better illusion, than hypnotism But if I can't be like that Why be anything at all If not a model Or artist Brought it up at the wrong time (You would want her) I wasn't one for improper introductions Or impromptu arrangements There, there It's just getting better So better not whine about it I wake up in a pile full of rocks; I guess it's better than a puddle of blood, Cause nobody loves me I've been alone, not lonely And never alone as long as I like Cause they all just surround me Now I know what it's like to be famous Without all the money and glamour– Turns out, that's the part that alluring I'd better find out what I did this for In the next downpour I'll be soaked to my torso exactly Aren't you proud of me (not really) I learned to cope by narrowing down all my options As time rolled on I got worse at making up stories As it turns out I didn't have to make them up at all They were happening to me So truly and honestly All my job was to “Mark My Words” Said The God Quite astonishing literally But I got bored of running and still not looking like Kayla Lauren I wouldn't bring it up, except The photographic evidence was damaging At least Dillon Francis has no audacity as such Then again, —I've never even been on an album cover. There you have it I've been lusting over Several other Talented masters and Handsome disasters But matter of fact It just started with One random – Well, now that I think about it, if I haven't believed in coincidences Since this, Random is just as likely as foreign a concept As such Immaculate conception, This contraption At first glance, a sonogram Play it back, Caught in the act again Cause in the act again I'll probably make a list of Weird shit I want to do with him When I think of it in public (That's usually where it happens) And if anything is random –It's that. ILLUMINATI DREAMS: PART III Dillon Francis broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. That was cool. We were best friends and got along really well. Went hiking in a beautiful park with crystal clear water and gorgeous ruins— Fell in the water and got my phone wet but it was in an otter box. I felt guilty about his girlfriend a feared they would get back together— But he was over her and super loyal to me — It all started when I tried to crawl into a giant bed to give Sonny a blowjob: Sonny was sleeping alone and Dillon was sleeping with his girlfriend— Dillon decided he wanted the blowjob; I refused because I would not let him cheat on his girlfriend; So he broke it off with her— Sonny never woke up There was no blowjob but Dillon and I ended up together. Sonny disappeared like he never existed anyway. Dillon and I were happy together and never fought. We were very in love. It was just a dream but still good to see Dillon. It felt warm and good. Lmfao wtf is wrong with you SOMETHING, obviously. It made a difffetent sound from further away, and better yet, an actual sound up close—I had been enamored enough walking by to move towards the lights after I was sure that my laundry was as close to complete as possible, but — A clock stops me in my tracks A Starbucks cup not in the trash lies in the ground I love the sparkles On Rockaway boulevard, Making it harder to ponder The underworld, unnerved of the undeserving The servicemen and servers of the surface Boughroughs further than Manhattan At the center lil biiiiiitzzzzs — Bro, I love the cops in New York All the cops in the east are bar none top notch I'm not kidding I went to a show in Miami once and I was walking this really long walk between one part of the venue and another I will never forget this like, line of cops that were like along the path and every single one of them was model hot I'm not joking I'm almost wish I was because I couldn't help myself from looking That's not even the worst part! the worst part was, they were looking back at me! All of em! I was like: “what the fuck is going on with these cops?! “ V.O. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going cry– So instead of running two miles on the treadmill I went three– But I still wanted to punch something. So I lifted some. I've been worried i'll plateau at the benchpress, the more I keep running… But I don't care. I'd rather weighless, and have a man, Than keep lifting like this, And be a man. Sometimes I'm worried I might be turning into one. Sometimes, depending on the way I dress, I'm mistaken for one– Or at least– Give off an air of general confusion. But I don't mind. Not that much. I'm no naturally designed to attract the kind of men I like. It might take a bit of maintenance, But i'm determined to persist I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have been born a beautiful woman. But maybe, if i'm lu

For Colored Girls Who've Completed Suicide: The Afterlife At The End of The Rainbow [An Inspiring Story] Had I exacted this science, For starters, On anyone else but A circle of stars, I forewarn you, I wouldn't be honored as such Just a disheartened philosopher, A nonpartisan biocentric; Listen, I'm learning my lessons and levels UGH, ARE YOU DONE YET. what. WE'RE STILL WAITING. huh? DRAKE BELL How long do i have to keep doing this for? ILLUMINATI Till the end DRAKE BELL Whens the end. ILLUMINATI When it is. Now even looking for something to watch became a writing assignment. *squinting* –and somehow, without even touching my mango, my keyboard was already sticky. *squinting even harder* –No… –No…(?) No. …No. Ugh! Try not to hold your breath. *holding breath/ attempting to block telepathy.* I told you, I need this. *attempt to block telepathy had failed* You don't need anything. *squinting exactly alike* The eyes really are windows… Maybe I should jump out then. –or jump in. dayumm . sike . Alright, I need something to take my mind off this project. How much acid did you put in the water. Enough Fuck, I hate my life. Which bottle is it in. [beat] All of them. *facepalm* Remarkable, what the love of a teenaged girl can do. I wouldn't quite call it that. I would. Don't be gross. I'm you. You're gross. Touche. I don't think we should be doing this. We shouldn't be. Ah come on! Now Johnny Depp? Nice. He's like 100 years old. Ah, to be young again. So wait. How the fuck exactly old is this lady? Really fucking old. Like, how old, though. Really, really fucking old. Okay, I have to talk to this Goddess. [She dances by] *gasp* Is that her?! Yeus. She's young again! It appears she has procured a body! Presumably! I must do the same! At once! At one! Lol who are these dudes. Just wait for it. Hurmph. Nrh. *sigh of deep frustration, facepalm* *falls into a deep unconscious of out sheer bewilderment* Oh good, they're here. Who's they? I don't know! Hm. Suhp. Nice rabbit hole. *shrugs nonscalontly* On telephone) She bought a what a Whole Foods Market? (In public, trying not to be heard) A penis shaped sweet potato. A WHAT? [Speak up] A– penis shaped sweet potato. A WH– A PENIS-SHAPED SWEET POTATO. (Everyone stops and stares) …it was delicious. Nice. I don't know Anymore What to do With myself I'm a mess On the Inside and out –wanna cry about it He's a rock and roll sex God I don't know What to think Anymore No, don't ask My opinion, It gets old Afterawhile, And after awhile I'll cry about it, but Right now, I've gotta get out of this Gotta get out! I gotta get out of this project. Well, how'd you get into it in the first place ? I don't know. I think i really tied one on at some party, I must have really been on one, i don't remember a thing. Ugh, what do you want. Listen, Ill make it quicK: It's bee quick. Do you have a deathclock on this guy, or what. Or what. That's all I want to know. Know what? When? When what? [Stopping] Are you serious. What. If i could tell you “when” then it wouldn't be a deathclock, would it. MAybe it's not. Yeah, I wish. Hey! wishes get granted– –I said that. –You said that. Look– Don't touch me. Sorry. No you're not. –if you can't give me the when–at least give me the how. Oh, the “How” Yeah. You want the “How” Just–yes. If i can't give you the “when”, what exactly makes you think I can give you the “How” Well, do you know how? You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. Well. Okay. “Okay”? I'm not a human being. Oh, right. UGH. I can't spend another minute with that WOMAN. Well, that's your grandmother, so Great-great– Whatever. You exist because she exists. Existed. She was dead before I was born! Actually, that's not true. Beg your pardon. …Ever had your palm read before. All of your kids– “kids “ Read: Lovechildren. Ahem. Are in this room And– Fuck that I'm not writing this scene, It wouldn't be the most horrible thing you'd ever written. No, but it's one of the most horrible things i've ever thought about, Is that so? No! It's funny but– But what? It's the fact I even thought about it that scares me. What is UP. What IS up? Have you ever thought about dating a writer? No. Aw, come on… Actually yes–once Once is all I need! Not you. Daww… I dated a writer once in college. What, really? Really. But that was in college. I was in college. He was a writer. Oh, that's hot. Not Exactly. He worked for Disney. Wait–he what? Hm. I almost forgot about that. DISNEY We didn't [simultaneously] MICKEY MOUSE I didn't. Well, what happened. Nothing, really. He was great. The only problem was… Flashback: Wait, you're 17. SEVENTEEN?? What's th difference! A YEAR! *purses lips* …or like, a couple months… *face* …or like–midnight on your birthday! *squints* But not 17! *shrugs* Hollywood Is Hollywood. Well, New Hollywood is a whole different story What's “New Hollywood?” My level is indifference, Benevolence, inward violence Ending obsessions and arrangements, Incessant sexual repression, Exponential explanations –Of the world i've never lived in, but created, apparently. Now, i”m unhinged Haven't made a decision on whether I should just binger, or Find a new mister, Or end it I'm still sitting Stuck on ‘concentrical' Now I'm unhinged And it's just been a minute I haven't mentioned his name in a minute, but I should stay clear, is it Everclear or Here, son, Just have another bottle Now i'm not stuck on Nothing and no one I cant even see movies anymore All i see is actors, All i hear is conversations I've already written in Closed conversations with critics Dressed as Angels All i see is Camera Angles The city of angels But my algorithm Must have build new york for me, From consciousness or something Sometimes just apartment hunting is Simply avigation and, of course Expanding the map It's just a 3D phenomenon, But all I want is just a hug, You know No you don't know. I've been stuck at concentrical Stopped at Columbus Circle, and The harsher the winter, The fonder of the west I am The girls scream in the audience, I hiss “My sentiments exactly” My sentiments exactly. Keep them all away from me, I'll love them at a distance I only want the music, anyway I only want the music And the music is All anyone knows about her, really Even her mother Who loves her, But at a distance And the music is, The only think she knows, anymore Even the words are just Color that accents it. Holy shit, the early 2000's were corny af Right now is corny af. Yeah, i guess. LOOK AT THESE CREDITS: Oh my God. LOOK AT EM. OKAY, ALRIGHT. YOU DON'T THINK EVERY ONE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAS A SCREENPLAY IN THEIR BACK POCKET. What's a “Foley editor” NOBODY. Well he's in the credits. Yeah, but do you think even his mother is going to sit this long after the movie is over to see that guys name because he was a–what the fuck “A foley editor” What IS that. I don't know, Mr. Hollywood. Oh, right, I'm Mr. Hollywood. Well, not literally– Of course not. Wait, is that a thing. If it was, would I be it? [Super Nerdy Writer] I mean, you'd at least be the poster child. Okay, my turn. HI THERE, FACE HERE. *inconsolable screaming* Holy shit, the 90's was RAW. Okay, so your childhood is terrifying. Just wait till we get to the *More inconsolable screaming* Lol. Look. What up bro. It's Juggalos. lol . After a few days of layering m usual favorite isocronic tones, it appeared that someone or something elsewhere was attempting to made contact–and though I could't isolate which frequency exactly it was coming from, it usually came in the form of music or some other source, rather what was usually hidden in between th concentrated tones themselves–however, the music always seemed far away, so far awa that it sounded as if it was being played through a tin can, merely connected to another–my own ears–with a string. Woah. Yeah. Do you think it's aliens Probably. Or like, I don't know–some other humans with like, a radio tower or satellite, some shit. I don't know. Right. Lol. maybe you're the alien. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. We know you know where it is. I DO NOT. You're hiding it. HIDE! THAT THING?! So you do know what it is OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS: And it's RIDICULOUS you think i would be hiding it. BRFORR Quick! HIde! OKay. THAT THING IS ENORMOUS. Hm. Smaller. OK. I n I T I A T I N G S H R INkING SEQUEnCE In 5 Seven Bananas… FUCK, MAN. What's this dumb game. *takes shot* it IS dumb. You have to take a shot every time she eats a banana. Oh no. This is fucked up. *barfs* You wanna play? Nah, I'm good. Diplo. What. You have 57 children. *nods* Never look at me again. *hangs head* Go that way, with your children. Dillon Francis. Yes. You have 8 kids. )That's believable) Oh, wow. *You have 84 kids. WHAT! He has more kids than me! Yes. Astonishingly, however the same percentage of them are black. Go say hello. Uhh. Now: Wait, where are you going. The the auditorium. There's an auditorium? For what. AN ENORMOUS AUDITORIUM is filled to capacity with children of all ages, shapes, and sizes, colors, creeds, genders, and otherwise–but they all seem to have something quirkily in common. What the fuck. How does he have more kids than me?! Are you serious?! Whose kids are THESE. Mind your business. Let me guess. There's still busses pulling up. I know. And a helicopter! Oh, that's just the guest of honor. Are you serious. SKRILLEX thinks he is preforming a charity benefit concert. *landing on helipad* LOL OhGod. MEANWHRILE. Whats in here. NOTHING. Just GET IN THE BOX. NO. GET– NO IN THE BOX WElcome to Jack In The Box Welcome to Hack In the Crack–what are you hacking? Uhhh. Gimme three juicy squirtalicious tacos. Eugh Extra squirt. Gross! And uh– You want anything. I'm good. Suit yourself. Best tacos ever. __ Wait, hold on. “Wait what” I think i might be getting tired, or something. Right…tired, “or something.” Or something. RIght. *blow horn* * * * * * * * Do you ever get lonely. No. Oh… But it's safe to say, all I can think about sometimes is getting railed. Oh! Moving on. Watch this. *snipes* Nice. Now check it out, that's where she respawns. (from behind) Not always. Oh shit. *stop*camping* DOUBLE KILL. Nice. Fuck I hate this map. Fuck I hate this map. Would you shut up. You wanna see a world class superstar fall out of alignment? …no. Too bad. You're hired. …hired for what. You applied on indeed, right? Yeah, as a janitor. NO. You're a paparazzi, dressed as a janitor. What! Here's your camera. (it is a cheap disposable) Are you serious. You get any good pictures, we'll talk about a nikon. Can't I just use my iPhone? Depends. Do you want your iPhone smashed? …no. Then NO. … “The Bad Boys Of Hollywood” Prepare To Be Canceled the gathering of this ingenuine group of elites causes a frenzy and stir amongst the masses as they appear, cross-dimensionally to have been reborn into stardom, mysteriously gaining controversy and mass fandom, to which no bounds can be seen as to the unstartlingly political incorrectness. I'm gonna need you to do me a favor. What's that? Shut up Don't ever look at me again. If i could take my eyes out, I would. No, need–I can do it for you. Haha, charade you are. You're a disaster. That's your excuse. Yeah, what's yours? Under the indifferential circumstances– “ooh–lala” I'm not as partial to making excuses as –as to what? Kissing ass? Only cute ones. Let it settle in, way down below deck Where the honor rollers are, The high rollers, far above you You wanna know how long the ride is? Wanna know how far you've come If i could throw you overboard, I'd trust you Love is not enough The seas are rough An open wound A bleeding heart How right you are The tea is strong, Like solid gold A needle's bond With no remorse, The tithes are gone Upright, Upright To end, to End That's right, I said Just end it I said “Better me than him” Another dinner with a friend A fear for framework, Or indifference again In this selection or Collection, Bears and end to End And End to end Upright And End to End Upright And End to end I dont know, if i want to know you I dont love like I want to love but I watched him raise the dead, Just so he had a friend I don't know if you've been told, but I don't love like I want to love, and I often raise the dead, Just so i can have a friend To play with It's darker in here, Oh, It's sufferable So I just want to know I live in a haunted house With a cat and a mouse But the old cat's gone, now the mouse tends to travel a lot I've nothing to haunt, (I'm a ghost in Toronto) A car show, A hollow heart, A starving artist, A scar; Over her bottom lip she runs her tongue So it goes: The stars on his face remind her of him So it goes: We all want Out of body Out of Mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Why (Why-Why) Would you leave me to wake (Why) In a terrible world Without you in it (A M ercedes emblem to hang around my neck, It's very simple) I tried to settle on subtle saffron I tried to love you, Then I moved on Do you ever wonder about philosophy? Do you ever wonder if anyone's watching you Secretly? Do you ever dream of it? (I'm just a ghost in a mansion) I haven't even had breakfast I've practically been dead half a century I sold the whole eiffel tower on craigslist What a bargain! You started it! I'm not arguing. I lost that bet, you know. Clearly. Is it that obvious? How do you lose a bet to Dillon Francis? He lost the bet but won the race. Whatever that means Okay. Who the fuck wrote this. [No show of hands] Nobody?! Thats our GOD. That's your God. yes. I thought Beyonce was your God. That's what I just SAID. We must infiltrate. But how. That which binds up through time The chemical, physical and biological nature of love An exploration of the meaning of meaning 1st, Second, and Third Movement Nice, I finally get to use a didgeridoo And bagpipes! And my trumpet! That sounds more like a french horn Or a “Jimmy Fallon and The Impenetrable Ten” Well, not entirely Impenetrable *stabs with sword* KRISTEN SHAAL Woah. MAYA RUDOLPH (or whoever) Dang. TINA FEY (or whoever) (At least it wasn't me) Right. –all i'm sayin. Wait, who got stabbed? Whoever. Not Jimmy Fallon. No. His untimely death is later. How much later? I don't– __ Meanwhile Dillon, if you spend $20 on Magic, I'm going to kill you. Haha, If i spend $20 on magic,it's very likely someone else is going to kill me. So it's settled. $20 on Magic, please. Fair. Ooh. Is this getting close to the part where Yup. SHH. WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS THROUGH TIME. BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO BACKWARDS. No, it isn't. What. I Came into blank street Tryna see a [?!] all coffee No cream please Scream supacree But really you can't see me Can't take it to deep on w sweetie keyboard Feed me b Seymour Ain't tryna be gory Corey Hate to inform you I I'm stuck at the rock I'm stuck at the bottom Youre stuck at the top Fine! fuckin fuck Drew Barrymore, then! Work harder and more often Fuck love and whole foods cause they All Flashback music London … …. …… ………. Who else has seen this. Nobody, just us. We must burn this at once. I wholeheartedly agree. [Remarkably huge bonfire.] Did u make copies. ya . Ooh, that's cool. Very creative. Wow Nice. … … …. Have you seen this? No. Look at it. …ilikeit. Sensations of sadness Salacious arpeggios Arduous agressions Transitions– progressive Incendiary imagery Electric Synthesis Intentionally focused, configurative –Literally Skrillex. Ugh, that might be the last thing I ever write about him. Just shoot the nigga. Ooh, he's so cute. Keep him away from me. C'mon. Yo–I can't. Fine, i'll do it. *sighs indifferently* You could move a mountain; I could stop the tide In a flash; All at once It was a long, long drive I miss the coast (Or maybe, I just miss the sunshine) You could move a mountain Keep me from going insane (If I was inside, you'd) Keep me from going outside (if I was in, though, you'd) Keep me from going in, Under the circumstances I can't stand it, but I'm back from having summer standing under subtle waters Waiting for someone who Never shows up, so So Suffer no longer I wouldn't want to want you, if i wondered more about it At the surface, Or way under Nothing wants what nothing gets And noting gets nothing Anyways, so Here's for the abstract Stream of conscious Nothing moves mountains, but You could move mountains In a flash, and I turned the tide on I saw the tidal With my ghost And twelve apostles I've been waiting for Godot For so long I still think He might come Haha, what a charade We all are Huh I love you What was that? I've run off Huh I love you What was that? I've run off I finally fell out of love Look, I broke my own heart Sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I bite my lip, Fall into bed Maybe it's a hex Maybe it's a breakfast in bed kind of moment I've been waking up with someone, But going in the world alone, eh It's never run to remember where you've been After a binder You would think with so much in my system I'd have reached indifference, Well, didn't you I didn't yet, In fact, I'm still tying one one, With a friend At the moment Well perhaps, just perhaps, It might be time that I let you go then? Don't be so chauvinistic. Isn't this a barmitvah? Hasn't this been discussed at several other functions To no exact conclusions More Complications I could just FUCK, I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER. He says it's a pluck, But i see it's percussive If I could give less of a fuck Then I probably coudn't. Woah How many wishes I've granted This festival season How many shifts that I've written through Sitting on busses and subways Looking suspicious as ever and probably smelling atrocious. INT. BLINK FITNESS. …I'm not using that shower. I thought I'd be more employable After sorting some, But it seems as though The more there is The more there isn't And the deeper it gets –the number of spirits I've risen Since getting here Is steady rising It's no surprise I've got more friends that died Than have lived here. It's been a very long year But I fucked it off quickly I'll never listen to Skrillex again If you paid me, But i'll play it In my mixes Depending Fuck it, There my brain went Down the drain again I've been training over a year And i'm still not Kayla fit I'm sick of it I've been waiting for Godot Since the year that I wrote it I've been wearing these bracelets for years Still haven't seen frozen, So i can't let it go yet Oh shit. This is all a distraction The underground is massive Another Michaelangelo Anglo Saxon anonymous I want an erroneous daughter Or Androgynous, Whatever These prostitutes have Graduate degrees with honors All I ever was, Was a disappointment I got a smile like Madonna's But none of the love at all I got a back end like Beyonce's But just some of the talent “What's an ass for If i'm cellibate, anyhow?” I asked God, She said, “Eat A Taco” I just hope that's not a euphemism for lesbianism Not that i'm intolerant, it's just that The older I get The straighter I am, And dammit He's sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I write books, And mind my own business It's impossible to whitewash all of us But I love rock and roll Look: It's a S i T uATiO NA L C0MEDy. So?! SO, THIS IS THE SITUATION: I don't wanna do this. My heart's so broken I could hold it on chopsticks You ever wonder what love is I've forgotten I'm having a hard time holding it all in I'm an artist I've got colorful emotional troubles Others love it Lil biiiiiitttzzz Man, fuck new york. I was apartment hunting and I got off the train in midtown– Technically the upper west side, but, you know, Midtown So i get off the train and I get ready to cross the street: I'm like Oh, Awesome–Trader Joes; Maybe this is the right neighborhood So i gotta use the bathroom anyway, so I head towards trader joes And I see this like– Box of birds. No, not a cage. It was like–a bird box I'm like “what. Birds.” Not just birds, though, Colorful birds– Like, straight up parakeets. I'm like, “What. the fuck” Then, before I can even look up– This dude–I just see his leg, though, He just– kicks the box of birds. “what.” Like, towards me, and i'm like “Okay, alright.” Now i got a box of birds at my feet on this busy ass corner in midtown manhattan Adjacent to Trader Joes And I look up at the guy, who kicked the box of birds, And he has this bowl So I look at the guy, And I look at the bowl, And what's in the bowl. IT'S MORE BIRDS. “OH NO!' I say. Yes, I say this, out loud, in Midtown manhattan “Oh no!” Cause it's not just a bowl of birds It's a bowl of PIGEONS. Just kickin it, in this dudes bowl. I'm like “Oh no.” And then i cross into trader joes. “Yep, right neighborhood.” Alright, here's the plan. where did you come from. nowhere. someone shoot that lady. DILLON FRANCIS I'm your worst nightmare. Dillon Francis is everyone's worst nightmare: He's a good looking white dude with too much money. He's literally like 8 Billion People's worst nightmare. GET OUT OF HERE, COLONIZER. Oh, man. DILLON FRANCIS is trapped in the hood. Try being famous over here! Motherfucker! More on that later. Look, I don't even like you like that! That's okay—-but I still want to suck your cock and that's not gonna change. *hangs head* I'm am not ashamed. I just might watch porn in the morning. Come on, 6:30, roll the fuck around. Wait, Which one is the Brown eyed dillon francis. The one with brown eyes. He's the trustworthy one. Well good luck with that. (The one that doesn't exist.) I didn't take the train today; I thought I was going to jump Thought i'd better play it safe Filled up my shopping cart, Got everything I wanted Everything and more Might not look my best but At least I'm not gone Come on, six o clock I just want to be alone She's got the gift of gab Grew up two blocks from here In the ghetto I've heard it all before But love, my heart's so broken And you turn me on some I'm gonna smoke your seamen* out of a nektar collector. That shit is like crack to me. Oh no. Who is this about. I'll give you one guess. I don't have any guesses. It's five past Christ I just opened my eyelids And rolled back my mind I tried to find you, after all, didn't I I might have designed you (On second thought I did) I might need time (if I believed in it) can't apologize for being human, but I wear your eyes all over the world I wear the memories of many girls And many nights Suffer the consequences Sure, I've been subway surfing, wondering Wait, where was I again? I was almost, Almost a person There's so much to learn from And too much to learn here I've been fighting off demons, Fighting the feeling of Falling in love again But I can't fall in Cause I never fell out Afterward, I went past it And on to the next one I might double back though– To find that I hadn't quite left in the– To find that I hadn't quite left in the first place To find that we haven't quite met yet At least not the right way It's probably a lesson I might miss the lecture I've got other plans today Fuck, so it is Skrillex. Not really exactly. On second thought, at first glance Better illusion, than hypnotism But if I can't be like that Why be anything at all If not a model Or artist Brought it up at the wrong time (You would want her) I wasn't one for improper introductions Or impromptu arrangements There, there It's just getting better So better not whine about it I wake up in a pile full of rocks; I guess it's better than a puddle of blood, Cause nobody loves me I've been alone, not lonely And never alone as long as I like Cause they all just surround me Now I know what it's like to be famous Without all the money and glamour– Turns out, that's the part that alluring I'd better find out what I did this for In the next downpour I'll be soaked to my torso exactly Aren't you proud of me (not really) I learned to cope by narrowing down all my options As time rolled on I got worse at making up stories As it turns out I didn't have to make them up at all They were happening to me So truly and honestly All my job was to “Mark My Words” Said The God Quite astonishing literally But I got bored of running and still not looking like Kayla Lauren I wouldn't bring it up, except The photographic evidence was damaging At least Dillon Francis has no audacity as such Then again, —I've never even been on an album cover. There you have it I've been lusting over Several other Talented masters and Handsome disasters But matter of fact It just started with One random – Well, now that I think about it, if I haven't believed in coincidences Since this, Random is just as likely as foreign a concept As such Immaculate conception, This contraption At first glance, a sonogram Play it back, Caught in the act again Cause in the act again I'll probably make a list of Weird shit I want to do with him When I think of it in public (That's usually where it happens) And if anything is random –It's that. ILLUMINATI DREAMS: PART III Dillon Francis broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. That was cool. We were best friends and got along really well. Went hiking in a beautiful park with crystal clear water and gorgeous ruins— Fell in the water and got my phone wet but it was in an otter box. I felt guilty about his girlfriend a feared they would get back together— But he was over her and super loyal to me — It all started when I tried to crawl into a giant bed to give Sonny a blowjob: Sonny was sleeping alone and Dillon was sleeping with his girlfriend— Dillon decided he wanted the blowjob; I refused because I would not let him cheat on his girlfriend; So he broke it off with her— Sonny never woke up There was no blowjob but Dillon and I ended up together. Sonny disappeared like he never existed anyway. Dillon and I were happy together and never fought. We were very in love. It was just a dream but still good to see Dillon. It felt warm and good. Lmfao wtf is wrong with you SOMETHING, obviously. It made a difffetent sound from further away, and better yet, an actual sound up close—I had been enamored enough walking by to move towards the lights after I was sure that my laundry was as close to complete as possible, but — A clock stops me in my tracks A Starbucks cup not in the trash lies in the ground I love the sparkles On Rockaway boulevard, Making it harder to ponder The underworld, unnerved of the undeserving The servicemen and servers of the surface Boughroughs further than Manhattan At the center lil biiiiiitzzzzs — Bro, I love the cops in New York All the cops in the east are bar none top notch I'm not kidding I went to a show in Miami once and I was walking this really long walk between one part of the venue and another I will never forget this like, line of cops that were like along the path and every single one of them was model hot I'm not joking I'm almost wish I was because I couldn't help myself from looking That's not even the worst part! the worst part was, they were looking back at me! All of em! I was like: “what the fuck is going on with these cops?! “ V.O. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going cry– So instead of running two miles on the treadmill I went three– But I still wanted to punch something. So I lifted some. I've been worried i'll plateau at the benchpress, the more I keep running… But I don't care. I'd rather weighless, and have a man, Than keep lifting like this, And be a man. Sometimes I'm worried I might be turning into one. Sometimes, depending on the way I dress, I'm mistaken for one– Or at least– Give off an air of general confusion. But I don't mind. Not that much. I'm no naturally designed to attract the kind of men I like. It might take a bit of maintenance, But i'm determined to persist I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have been born a beautiful woman. But maybe, if i'm lucky, or if I try hard enough, I'll have an idea of what it's like to have become one. I'm counting my blessings. All of them. I'm saying my prayers. A lot. And I'm crossing my fingers– that the longer, harder, and faster I run, The closer I get to actually living. That is, To be loved. I wish I could take my eyes out and wash them wit soap. Oh. I wish i didn't know you existed; I wish I Didn't know how to love you God, I spoke to soon I opened up all of the wrong doors, I'm done for, You know, I'm not really good at nothing Nothing at all I wish i didn't know at all You were ever born; But there you are, a son of God, And I'm just rolling along, writing anthems, and carrying on as if everything happened at once But it hasn't Not yet, I'm still breaking my neck on the alter If you want blood I've got it Jump the broom, But watch your heart I've got a dagger full of them; You'd think i had it backwards, But that's the hard part If it were the other way around Oh But it's not No I don't want to love anyone, anymore, God Take me off of this rock Throw me head first overboard Push me in front of a bus; Or give me a heart attack I've had it harder before, But that was over there, I'm omnipresent. I could write forever to this (Ten years ago) I put the book with the devil on front Into my row A collection of noveelties An erection, selective To say the least But please, forgive me I'm veen on my knees And barely breathing, Let it simmer, Simmer down please settle, way below the belt Above you and Beyond this, But I'll never firget what you said (i love you) I'll nevr forget what you said And I'll never look back, dad And I'll never go back ther And I'll neve have blue eyes And I'll never have blonde hair And I'll never have white skin And I'll never be better At least not at this partl But maybe the other I'm just friendless I like it My security blanket The party i wasnt invited to My lies are compulsive; But not quite pathological But the girl was obnoxious And my spirit tyrannical I'm an animal But I pray a lot And used to fast as much Now that Ive been determined to be an deplorable Why not just kill myself? I'd be better off after With a kitchen, a shower I'd forget about money; Getting paid by the hour. I'd be better off anyway I need a vacation It was all in my head, anyway Then again, so is heaven Amen A…men A…men… It's a dangerous game we play But i'd rather not kill myself over you (Again) I'd rather not kill myself again I'd rather not kill myself Could be a coincidence But I doubt it, Since I don't believe in them But I could be getting my lines crossed My rum mixed with vodka And getting my ass whooped more often That's not a metaphor: I'm not a fighter It was metaphysical before, But now its atrocious This night'll be a lot longer If i remain hungry But I wanna look like Madonna! (minus, of course, the minor difference between us) I hadn't understood what an age gap meant, Until jumping it (hardee har har, that's a good one) I'm not even in my body right now; But i'm in my head Shut up, Becky! Isn't it bad enough, Your society? Fuck, I'm losing my mind Just not being blonde enough Or just not being wanted, or something (Loved) Playing the victim, But hey, At least i'm playing something! All these instruments are just too expensive I was just thinking how Photosensitive epilepsy and synestesia Might be deadly But I said “till death do us part” So i think that's what I need I thought my suicide ended it Now I'm in hell with him But I'd end it over and over again Just to be rid of him (yes, i'm serious) Fuck, man, Madonna's gonna kill— For Colored Girls Who've Completed Suicide: The Afterlife At The End of The Rainbow [An Inspiring Story] Had I exacted this science, For starters, On anyone else but A circle of stars, I forewarn you, I wouldn't be honored as such Just a disheartened philosopher, A nonpartisan biocentric; Listen, I'm learning my lessons and levels UGH, ARE YOU DONE YET. what. WE'RE STILL WAITING. huh? DRAKE BELL How long do i have to keep doing this for? ILLUMINATI Till the end DRAKE BELL Whens the end. ILLUMINATI When it is. Now even looking for something to watch became a writing assignment. *squinting* –and somehow, without even touching my mango, my keyboard was already sticky. *squinting even harder* –No… –No…(?) No. …No. Ugh! Try not to hold your breath. *holding breath/ attempting to block telepathy.* I told you, I need this. *attempt to block telepathy had failed* You don't need anything. *squinting exactly alike* The eyes really are windows… Maybe I should jump out then. –or jump in. dayumm . sike . Alright, I need something to take my mind off this project. How much acid did you put in the water. Enough Fuck, I hate my life. Which bottle is it in. [beat] All of them. *facepalm* Remarkable, what the love of a teenaged girl can do. I wouldn't quite call it that. I would. Don't be gross. I'm you. You're gross. Touche. I don't think we should be doing this. We shouldn't be. Ah come on! Now Johnny Depp? Nice. He's like 100 years old. Ah, to be young again. So wait. How the fuck exactly old is this lady. Really fucking old. Like, how old, though. Really, really fucking old. Okay, I have to talk to this Goddess. [She dances by] *gasp* Is that her?! Yeus. She's young again! It appears she has procured a body! Presumably! I must do the same! At once! At one! Lol who are these dudes. Just wait for it. Hurmph. Nrh. *sigh of deep frustration, facepalm* *falls into a deep unconscious of out sheer bewilderment* Oh good, they're here. Who's they? I don't know! Hm. Suhp. Nice rabbit hole. *shrugs nonscalontly* On telephone) She bought a what a Whole Foods Market? (In public, trying not to be heard) A penis shaped sweet potato. A WHAT? [Speak up] A– penis shaped sweet potato. A WH– A PENIS-SHAPED SWEET POTATO. (Everyone stops and stares) …it was delicious. Nice. I don't know Anymore What to do With myself I'm a mess On the Inside and out –wanna cry about it He's a rock and roll sex God I don't know What to think Anymore No, don't ask My opinion, It gets old Afterawhile, And after awhile I'll cry about it, but Right now, I've gotta get out of this Gotta get out! I gotta get out of this project. Well, how'd you get into it in the first place ? I don't know. I think i really tied one on at some party, I must have really been on one, i don't remember a thing. Ugh, what do you want. Listen, Ill make it quicK: It's bee quick. Do you have a deathclock on this guy, or what. Or what. That's all I want to know. Know what? When? When what? [Stopping] Are you serious. What. If i could tell you “when” then it wouldn't be a deathclock, would it. MAybe it's not. Yeah, I wish. Hey! wishes get granted– –I said that. –You said that. Look– Don't touch me. Sorry. No you're not. –if you can't give me the when–at least give me the how. Oh, the “How” Yeah. You want the “How” Just–yes. If i can't give you the “when”, what exactly makes you think I can give you the “How” Well, do you know how? You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. Well. Okay. “Okay”? I'm not a human being. Oh, right. UGH. I can't spend another minute with that WOMAN. Well, that's your grandmother, so Great-great– Whatever. You exist because she exists. Existed. She was dead before I was born! Actually, that's not true. Beg your pardon. …Ever had your palm read before. All of your kids– “kids “ Read: Lovechildren. Ahem. Are in this room And– Fuck that I'm not writing this scene, It wouldn't be the most horrible thing you'd ever written. No, but it's one of the most horrible things i've ever thought about, Is that so? No! It's funny but– But what? It's the fact I even thought about it that scares me. What is UP. What IS up? Have you ever thought about dating a writer? No. Aw, come on… Actually yes–once Once is all I need! Not you. Daww… I dated a writer once in college. What, really? Really. But that was in college. I was in college. He was a writer. Oh, that's hot. Not Exactly. He worked for Disney. Wait–he what? Hm. I almost forgot about that. DISNEY We didn't [simultaneously] MICKEY MOUSE I didn't. Well, what happened. Nothing, really. He was great. The only problem was… Flashback: Wait, you're 17. SEVENTEEN?? What's th difference! A YEAR! *purses lips* …or like, a couple months… *face* …or like–midnight on your birthday! *squints* But not 17! *shrugs* Hollywood Is Hollywood. Well, New Hollywood is a whole different story What's “New Hollywood?” My level is indifference, Benevolence, inward violence Ending obsessions and arrangements, Incessant sexual repression, Exponential explanations –Of the world i've never lived in, but created, apparently. Now, i”m unhinged Haven't made a decision on whether I should just binger, or Find a new mister, Or end it I'm still sitting Stuck on ‘concentrical' Now I'm unhinged And it's just been a minute I haven't mentioned his name in a minute, but I should stay clear, is it Everclear or Here, son, Just have another bottle Now i'm not stuck on Nothing and no one I cant even see movies anymore All i see is actors, All i hear is conversations I've already written in Closed conversations with critics Dressed as Angels All i see is Camera Angles The city of angels But my algorithm Must have build new york for me, From consciousness or something Sometimes just apartment hunting is Simply avigation and, of course Expanding the map It's just a 3D phenomenon, But all I want is just a hug, You know No you don't know. I've been stuck at concentrical Stopped at Columbus Circle, and The harsher the winter, The fonder of the west I am The girls scream in the audience, I hiss “My sentiments exactly” My sentiments exactly. Keep them all away from me, I'll love them at a distance I only want the music, anyway I only want the music And the music is All anyone knows about her, really Even her mother Who loves her, But at a distance And the music is, The only think she knows, anymore Even the words are just Color that accents it. Holy shit, the early 2000's were corny af Right now is corny af. Yeah, i guess. LOOK AT THESE CREDITS: Oh my God. LOOK AT EM. OKAY, ALRIGHT. YOU DON'T THINK EVERY ONE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAS A SCREENPLAY IN THEIR BACK POCKET. What's a “Foley editor” NOBODY. Well he's in the credits. Yeah, but do you think even his mother is going to sit this long after the movie is over to see that guys name because he was a–what the fuck “A foley editor” What IS that. I don't know, Mr. Hollywood. Oh, right, I'm Mr. Hollywood. Well, not literally– Of course not. Wait, is that a thing. If it was, would I be it? [Super Nerdy Writer] I mean, you'd at least be the poster child. Okay, my turn. HI THERE, FACE HERE. *inconsolable screaming* Holy shit, the 90's was RAW. Okay, so your childhood is terrifying. Just wait till we get to the *More inconsolable screaming* Lol. Look. What up bro. It's Juggalos. lol . After a few days of layering m usual favorite isocronic tones, it appeared that someone or something elsewhere was attempting to made contact–and though I could't isolate which frequency exactly it was coming from, it usually came in the form of music or some other source, rather what was usually hidden in between th concentrated tones themselves–however, the music always seemed far away, so far awa that it sounded as if it was being played through a tin can, merely connected to another–my own ears–with a string. Woah. Yeah. Do you think it's aliens Probably. Or like, I don't know–some other humans with like, a radio tower or satellite, some shit. I don't know. Right. Lol. maybe you're the alien. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. We know you know where it is. I DO NOT. You're hiding it. HIDE! THAT THING?! So you do know what it is OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS: And it's RIDICULOUS you think i would be hiding it. BRFORR Quick! HIde! OKay. THAT THING IS ENORMOUS. Hm. Smaller. OK. I n I T I A T I N G S H R INkING SEQUEnCE In 5 Seven Bananas… FUCK, MAN. What's this dumb game. *takes shot* it IS dumb. You have to take a shot every time she eats a banana. Oh no. This is fucked up. *barfs* You wanna play? Nah, I'm good. Diplo. What. You have 57 children. *nods* Never look at me again. *hangs head* Go that way, with your children. Dillon Francis. Yes. You have 8 kids. )That's believable) Oh, wow. *You have 84 kids. WHAT! He has more kids than me! Yes. Astonishingly, however the same percentage of them are black. Go say hello. Uhh. Now: Wait, where are you going. The the auditorium. There's an auditorium? For what. AN ENORMOUS AUDITORIUM is filled to capacity with children of all ages, shapes, and sizes, colors, creeds, genders, and otherwise–but they all seem to have something quirkily in common. What the fuck. How does he have more kids than me?! Are you serious?! Whose kids are THESE. Mind your business. Let me guess. There's still busses pulling up. I know. And a helicopter! Oh, that's just the guest of honor. Are you serious. SKRILLEX thinks he is preforming a charity benefit concert. *landing on helipad* LOL OhGod. MEANWHRILE. Whats in here. NOTHING. Just GET IN THE BOX. NO. GET– NO IN THE BOX WElcome to Jack In The Box Welcome to Hack In the Crack–what are you hacking? Uhhh. Gimme three juicy squirtalicious tacos. Eugh Extra squirt. Gross! And uh– You want anything. I'm good. Suit yourself. Best tacos ever. __ Wait, hold on. “Wait what” I think i might be getting tired, or something. Right…tired, “or something.” Or something. RIght. *blow horn* * * * * * * * Do you ever get lonely. No. Oh… But it's safe to say, all I can think about sometimes is getting railed. Oh! Moving on. Watch this. *snipes* Nice. Now check it out, that's where she respawns. (from behind) Not always. Oh shit. *stop*camping* DOUBLE KILL. Nice. Fuck I hate this map. Fuck I hate this map. Would you shut up. You wanna see a world class superstar fall out of alignment? …no. Too bad. You're hired. …hired for what. You applied on indeed, right? Yeah, as a janitor. NO. You're a paparazzi, dressed as a janitor. What! Here's your camera. (it is a cheap disposable) Are you serious. You get any good pictures, we'll talk about a nikon. Can't I just use my iPhone? Depends. Do you want your iPhone smashed? …no. Then NO. … “The Bad Boys Of Hollywood” Prepare To Be Canceled the gathering of this ingenuine group of elites causes a frenzy and stir amongst the masses as they appear, cross-dimensionally to have been reborn into stardom, mysteriously gaining controversy and mass fandom, to which no bounds can be seen as to the unstartlingly political incorrectness. I'm gonna need you to do me a favor. What's that? Shut up Don't ever look at me again. If i could take my eyes out, I would. No, need–I can do it for you. Haha, charade you are. You're a disaster. That's your excuse. Yeah, what's yours? Under the indifferential circumstances– “ooh–lala” I'm not as partial to making excuses as –as to what? Kissing ass? Only cute ones. Let it settle in, way down below deck Where the honor rollers are, The high rollers, far above you You wanna know how long the ride is? Wanna know how far you've come If i could throw you overboard, I'd trust you Love is not enough The seas are rough An open wound A bleeding heart How right you are The tea is strong, Like solid gold A needle's bond With no remorse, The tithes are gone Upright, Upright To end, to End That's right, I said Just end it I said “Better me than him” Another dinner with a friend A fear for framework, Or indifference again In this selection or Collection, Bears and end to End And End to end Upright And End to End Upright And End to end I dont know, if i want to know you I dont love like I want to love but I watched him raise the dead, Just so he had a friend I don't know if you've been told, but I don't love like I want to love, and I often raise the dead, Just so i can have a friend To play with It's darker in here, Oh, It's sufferable So I just want to know I live in a haunted house With a cat and a mouse But the old cat's gone, now the mouse tends to travel a lot I've nothing to haunt, (I'm a ghost in Toronto) A car show, A hollow heart, A starving artist, A scar; Over her bottom lip she runs her tongue So it goes: The stars on his face remind her of him So it goes: We all want Out of body Out of Mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Why (Why-Why) Would you leave me to wake (Why) In a terrible world Without you in it (A M ercedes emblem to hang around my neck, It's very simple) I tried to settle on subtle saffron I tried to love you, Then I moved on Do you ever wonder about philosophy? Do you ever wonder if anyone's watching you Secretly? Do you ever dream of it? (I'm just a ghost in a mansion) I haven't even had breakfast I've practically been dead half a century I sold the whole eiffel tower on craigslist What a bargain! You started it! I'm not arguing. I lost that bet, you know. Clearly. Is it that obvious? How do you lose a bet to Dillon Francis? He lost the bet but won the race. Whatever that means Okay. Who the fuck wrote this. [No show of hands] Nobody?! Thats our GOD. That's your God. yes. I thought Beyonce was your God. That's what I just SAID. We must infiltrate. But how. That which binds up through time The chemical, physical and biological nature of love An exploration of the meaning of meaning 1st, Second, and Third Movement Nice, I finally get to use a didgeridoo And bagpipes! And my trumpet! That sounds more like a french horn Or a Jimmy Fallon and The Impenetrable Ten Well, not entirely Impenetrable *stabs with sword* KRISTEN SHAAL Woah. MAYA RUDOLPH (or whoever) Dang. TINA FEY (or whoever) (At least it wasn't me) Right. –all i'm sayin. Wait, who got stabbed? Whoever. Not Jimmy Fallon. No. His untimely death is later. How much later? I don't– __ Meanwhile Dillon, if you spend $20 on Magic, I'm going to kill you. Haha, If i spend $20 on magic,it's very likely someone else is going to kill me. So it's settled. $20 on Magic, please. Fair. Ooh. Is this getting close to the part where Yup. SHH. WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS THROUGH TIME. BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO BACKWARDS. No, it isn't. What. I Came into blank street Tryna see a [?!] all coffee No cream please Scream supacree But really you can't see me Can't take it to deep on w sweetie keyboard Feed me b Seymour Ain't tryna be gory Corey Hate to inform you I I'm stuck at the rock I'm stuck at the bottom Youre stuck at the top Fine! fuckin fuck Drew Barrymore, then! Work harder and more often Fuck love and whole foods cause they All Flashback music London … …. …… ………. Who else has seen this. Nobody, just us. We must burn this at once. I wholeheartedly agree. [Remarkably huge bonfire.] Did u make copies. ya . Ooh, that's cool. Very creative. Wow Nice. … … …. Have you seen this? No. Look at it. …ilikeit. Sensations of sadness Salacious arpeggios Arduous agressions Transitions– progressive Incendiary imagery Electric Synthesis Intentionally focused, configurative –Literally Skrillex. Ugh, that might be the last thing I ever write about him. Just shoot the nigga. Ooh, he's so cute. Keep him away from me. C'mon. Yo–I can't. Fine, i'll do it. *sighs indifferently* You could move a mountain; I could stop the tide In a flash; All at once It was a long, long drive I miss the coast (Or maybe, I just miss the sunshine) You could move a mountain Keep me from going insane (If I was inside, you'd) Keep me from going outside (if I was in, though, you'd) Keep me from going in, Under the circumstances I can't stand it, but I'm back from having summer standing under subtle waters Waiting for someone who Never shows up, so So Suffer no longer I wouldn't want to want you, if i wondered more about it At the surface, Or way under Nothing wants what nothing gets And noting gets nothing Anyways, so Here's for the abstract Stream of conscious Nothing moves mountains, but You could move mountains In a flash, and I turned the tide on I saw the tidal With my ghost And twelve apostles I've been waiting for Godot For so long I still think He might come Haha, what a charade We all are Huh I love you What was that? I've run off Huh I love you What was that? I've run off I finally fell out of love Look, I broke my own heart Sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I bite my lip, Fall into bed Maybe it's a hex Maybe it's a breakfast in bed kind of moment I've been waking up with someone, But going in the world alone, eh It's never run to remember where you've been After a binder You would think with so much in my system I'd have reached indifference, Well, didn't you I didn't yet, In fact, I'm still tying one one, With a friend At the moment Well perhaps, just perhaps, It might be time that I let you go then? Don't be so chauvinistic. Isn't this a barmitvah? Hasn't this been discussed at several other functions To no exact conclusions More Complications I could just FUCK, I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER. He says it's a pluck, But i see it's percussive If I could give less of a fuck Then I probably coudn't. Woah How many wishes I've granted This festival season How many shifts that I've written through Sitting on busses and subways Looking suspicious as ever and probably smelling atrocious. INT. BLINK FITNESS. …I'm not using that shower. I thought I'd be more employable After sorting some, But it seems as though The more there is The more there isn't And the deeper it gets –the number of spirits I've risen Since getting here Is steady rising It's no surprise I've got more friends that died Than have lived here. It's been a very long year But I fucked it off quickly I'll never listen to Skrillex again If you paid me, But i'll play it In my mixes Depending Fuck it, There my brain went Down the drain again I've been training over a year And i'm still not Kayla fit I'm sick of it I've been waiting for Godot Since the year that I wrote it I've been wearing these bracelets for years Still haven't seen frozen, So i can't let it go yet Oh shit. This is all a distraction The underground is massive Another Michaelangelo Anglo Saxon anonymous I want an erroneous daughter Or Androgynous, Whatever These prostitutes have Graduate degrees with honors All I ever was, Was a disappointment I got a smile like Madonna's But none of the love at all I got a back end like Beyonce's But just some of the talent “What's an ass for If i'm cellibate, anyhow?” I asked God, She said, “Eat A Taco” I just hope that's not a euphemism for lesbianism Not that i'm intolerant, it's just that The older I get The straighter I am, And dammit He's sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I write books, And mind my own business It's impossible to whitewash all of us But I love rock and roll Look: It's a S i T uATiO NA L C0MEDy. So?! SO, THIS IS THE SITUATION: I don't wanna do this. My heart's so broken I could hold it on chopsticks You ever wonder what love is I've forgotten I'm having a hard time holding it all in I'm an artist I've got colorful emotional troubles Others love it Lil biiiiiitttzzz Man, fuck new york. I was apartment hunting and I got off the train in midtown– Technically the upper west side, but, you know, Midtown So i get off the train and I get ready to cross the street: I'm like Oh, Awesome–Trader Joes; Maybe this is the right neighborhood So i gotta use the bathroom anyway, so I head towards trader joes And I see this like– Box of birds. No, not a cage. It was like–a bird box I'm like “what. Birds.” Not just birds, though, Colorful birds– Like, straight up parakeets. I'm like, “What. the fuck” Then, before I can even look up– This dude–I just see his leg, though, He just– kicks the box of birds. “what.” Like, towards me, and i'm like “Okay, alright.” Now i got a box of birds at my feet on this busy ass corner in midtown manhattan Adjacent to Trader Joes And I look up at the guy, who kicked the box of birds, And he has this bowl So I look at the guy, And I look at the bowl, And what's in the bowl. IT'S MORE BIRDS. “OH NO!' I say. Yes, I say this, out loud, in Midtown manhattan “Oh no!” Cause it's not just a bowl of birds It's a bowl of PIGEONS. Just kickin it, in this dudes bowl. I'm like “Oh no.” And then i cross into trader joes. “Yep, right neighborhood.” Alright, here's the plan. where did you come from. nowhere. someone shoot that lady. DILLON FRANCIS I'm your worst nightmare. Dillon Francis is everyone's worst nightmare: He's a good looking white dude with too much money. He's literally like 8 Billion People's worst nightmare. GET OUT OF HERE, COLONIZER. Oh, man. DILLON FRANCIS is trapped in the hood. Try being famous over here! Motherfucker! More on that later. Look, I don't even like you like that! That's okay—-but I still want to suck your cock and that's not gonna change. *hangs head* I'm am not ashamed. I just might watch porn in the morning. Come on, 6:30, roll the fuck around. Wait, Which one is the Brown eyed dillon francis. The one with brown eyes. He's the trustworthy one. Well good luck with that. (The one that doesn't exist.) I didn't take the train today; I thought I was going to jump Thought i'd better play it safe Filled up my shopping cart, Got everything I wanted Everything and more Might not look my best but At least I'm not gone Come on, six o clock I just want to be alone She's got the gift of gab Grew up two blocks from here In the ghetto I've heard it all before But love, my heart's so broken And you turn me on some I'm gonna smoke your seamen* out of a nektar collector. That shit is like crack to me. Oh no. Who is this about. I'll give you one guess. I don't have any guesses. It's five past Christ I just opened my eyelids And rolled back my mind I tried to find you, after all, didn't I I might have designed you (On second thought I did) I might need time (if I believed in it) can't apologize for being human, but I wear your eyes all over the world I wear the memories of many girls And many nights Suffer the consequences Sure, I've been subway surfing, wondering Wait, where was I again? I was almost, Almost a person There's so much to learn from And too much to learn here I've been fighting off demons, Fighting the feeling of Falling in love again But I can't fall in Cause I never fell out Afterward, I went past it And on to the next one I might double back though– To find that I hadn't quite left in the– To find that I hadn't quite left in the first place To find that we haven't quite met yet At least not the right way It's probably a lesson I might miss the lecture I've got other plans today Fuck, so it is Skrillex. Not really exactly. On second thought, at first glance Better illusion, than hypnotism But if I can't be like that Why be anything at all If not a model Or artist Brought it up at the wrong time (You would want her) I wasn't one for improper introductions Or impromptu arrangements There, there It's just getting better So better not whine about it I wake up in a pile full of rocks; I guess it's better than a puddle of blood, Cause nobody loves me I've been alone, not lonely And never alone as long as I like Cause they all just surround me Now I know what it's like to be famous Without all the money and glamour– Turns out, that's the part that alluring I'd better find out what I did this for In the next downpour I'll be soaked to my torso exactly Aren't you proud of me (not really) I learned to cope by narrowing down all my options As time rolled on I got worse at making up stories As it turns out I didn't have to make them up at all They were happening to me So truly and honestly All my job was to “Mark My Words” Said The God Quite astonishing literally But I got bored of running and still not looking like Kayla Lauren I wouldn't bring it up, except The photographic evidence was damaging At least Dillon Francis has no audacity as such Then again, —I've never even been on an album cover. There you have it I've been lusting over Several other Talented masters and Handsome disasters But matter of fact It just started with One random – Well, now that I think about it, if I haven't believed in coincidences Since this, Random is just as likely as foreign a concept As such Immaculate conception, This contraption At first glance, a sonogram Play it back, Caught in the act again Cause in the act again I'll probably make a list of Weird shit I want to do with him When I think of it in public (That's usually where it happens) And if anything is random –It's that. ILLUMINATI DREAMS: PART III Dillon Francis broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. That was cool. We were best friends and got along really well. Went hiking in a beautiful park with crystal clear water and gorgeous ruins— Fell in the water and got my phone wet but it was in an otter box. I felt guilty about his girlfriend a feared they would get back together— But he was over her and super loyal to me — It all started when I tried to crawl into a giant bed to give Sonny a blowjob: Sonny was sleeping alone and Dillon was sleeping with his girlfriend— Dillon decided he wanted the blowjob; I refused because I would not let him cheat on his girlfriend; So he broke it off with her— Sonny never woke up There was no blowjob but Dillon and I ended up together. Sonny disappeared like he never existed anyway. Dillon and I were happy together and never fought. We were very in love. It was just a dream but still good to see Dillon. It felt warm and good. Lmfao wtf is wrong with you SOMETHING, obviously. It made a difffetent sound from further away, and better yet, an actual sound up close—I had been enamored enough walking by to move towards the lights after I was sure that my laundry was as close to complete as possible, but — A clock stops me in my tracks A Starbucks cup not in the trash lies in the ground I love the sparkles On Rockaway boulevard, Making it harder to ponder The underworld, unnerved of the undeserving The servicemen and servers of the surface Boughroughs further than Manhattan At the center lil biiiiiitzzzzs — Bro, I love the cops in New York All the cops in the east are bar none top notch I'm not kidding I went to a show in Miami once and I was walking this really long walk between one part of the venue and another I will never forget this like, line of cops that were like along the path and every single one of them was model hot I'm not joking I'm almost wish I was because I couldn't help myself from looking That's not even the worst part! the worst part was, they were looking back at me! All of em! I was like: “what the fuck is going on with these cops?! “ V.O. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going cry– So instead of running two miles on the treadmill I went three– But I still wanted to punch something. So I lifted some. I've been worried i'll plateau at the benchpress, the more I keep running… But I don't care. I'd rather weighless, and have a man, Than keep lifting like this, And be a man. Sometimes I'm worried I might be turning into one. Sometimes, depending on the way I dress, I'm mistaken for one– Or at least– Give off an air of general confusion. But I don't mind. Not that much. I'm no naturally designed to attract the kind of men I like. It might take a bit of maintenance, But i'm determined to persist I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have been born a beautiful woman. But maybe, if i'm lu

For Colored Girls Who've Completed Suicide: The Afterlife At The End of The Rainbow [An Inspiring Story] Had I exacted this science, For starters, On anyone else but A circle of stars, I forewarn you, I wouldn't be honored as such Just a disheartened philosopher, A nonpartisan biocentric; Listen, I'm learning my lessons and levels UGH, ARE YOU DONE YET. what. WE'RE STILL WAITING. huh? DRAKE BELL How long do i have to keep doing this for? ILLUMINATI Till the end DRAKE BELL Whens the end. ILLUMINATI When it is. Now even looking for something to watch became a writing assignment. *squinting* –and somehow, without even touching my mango, my keyboard was already sticky. *squinting even harder* –No… –No…(?) No. …No. Ugh! Try not to hold your breath. *holding breath/ attempting to block telepathy.* I told you, I need this. *attempt to block telepathy had failed* You don't need anything. *squinting exactly alike* The eyes really are windows… Maybe I should jump out then. –or jump in. dayumm . sike . Alright, I need something to take my mind off this project. How much acid did you put in the water. Enough Fuck, I hate my life. Which bottle is it in. [beat] All of them. *facepalm* Remarkable, what the love of a teenaged girl can do. I wouldn't quite call it that. I would. Don't be gross. I'm you. You're gross. Touche. I don't think we should be doing this. We shouldn't be. Ah come on! Now Johnny Depp? Nice. He's like 100 years old. Ah, to be young again. So wait. How the fuck exactly old is this lady? Really fucking old. Like, how old, though. Really, really fucking old. Okay, I have to talk to this Goddess. [She dances by] *gasp* Is that her?! Yeus. She's young again! It appears she has procured a body! Presumably! I must do the same! At once! At one! Lol who are these dudes. Just wait for it. Hurmph. Nrh. *sigh of deep frustration, facepalm* *falls into a deep unconscious of out sheer bewilderment* Oh good, they're here. Who's they? I don't know! Hm. Suhp. Nice rabbit hole. *shrugs nonscalontly* On telephone) She bought a what a Whole Foods Market? (In public, trying not to be heard) A penis shaped sweet potato. A WHAT? [Speak up] A– penis shaped sweet potato. A WH– A PENIS-SHAPED SWEET POTATO. (Everyone stops and stares) …it was delicious. Nice. I don't know Anymore What to do With myself I'm a mess On the Inside and out –wanna cry about it He's a rock and roll sex God I don't know What to think Anymore No, don't ask My opinion, It gets old Afterawhile, And after awhile I'll cry about it, but Right now, I've gotta get out of this Gotta get out! I gotta get out of this project. Well, how'd you get into it in the first place ? I don't know. I think i really tied one on at some party, I must have really been on one, i don't remember a thing. Ugh, what do you want. Listen, Ill make it quicK: It's bee quick. Do you have a deathclock on this guy, or what. Or what. That's all I want to know. Know what? When? When what? [Stopping] Are you serious. What. If i could tell you “when” then it wouldn't be a deathclock, would it. MAybe it's not. Yeah, I wish. Hey! wishes get granted– –I said that. –You said that. Look– Don't touch me. Sorry. No you're not. –if you can't give me the when–at least give me the how. Oh, the “How” Yeah. You want the “How” Just–yes. If i can't give you the “when”, what exactly makes you think I can give you the “How” Well, do you know how? You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. Well. Okay. “Okay”? I'm not a human being. Oh, right. UGH. I can't spend another minute with that WOMAN. Well, that's your grandmother, so Great-great– Whatever. You exist because she exists. Existed. She was dead before I was born! Actually, that's not true. Beg your pardon. …Ever had your palm read before. All of your kids– “kids “ Read: Lovechildren. Ahem. Are in this room And– Fuck that I'm not writing this scene, It wouldn't be the most horrible thing you'd ever written. No, but it's one of the most horrible things i've ever thought about, Is that so? No! It's funny but– But what? It's the fact I even thought about it that scares me. What is UP. What IS up? Have you ever thought about dating a writer? No. Aw, come on… Actually yes–once Once is all I need! Not you. Daww… I dated a writer once in college. What, really? Really. But that was in college. I was in college. He was a writer. Oh, that's hot. Not Exactly. He worked for Disney. Wait–he what? Hm. I almost forgot about that. DISNEY We didn't [simultaneously] MICKEY MOUSE I didn't. Well, what happened. Nothing, really. He was great. The only problem was… Flashback: Wait, you're 17. SEVENTEEN?? What's th difference! A YEAR! *purses lips* …or like, a couple months… *face* …or like–midnight on your birthday! *squints* But not 17! *shrugs* Hollywood Is Hollywood. Well, New Hollywood is a whole different story What's “New Hollywood?” My level is indifference, Benevolence, inward violence Ending obsessions and arrangements, Incessant sexual repression, Exponential explanations –Of the world i've never lived in, but created, apparently. Now, i”m unhinged Haven't made a decision on whether I should just binger, or Find a new mister, Or end it I'm still sitting Stuck on ‘concentrical' Now I'm unhinged And it's just been a minute I haven't mentioned his name in a minute, but I should stay clear, is it Everclear or Here, son, Just have another bottle Now i'm not stuck on Nothing and no one I cant even see movies anymore All i see is actors, All i hear is conversations I've already written in Closed conversations with critics Dressed as Angels All i see is Camera Angles The city of angels But my algorithm Must have build new york for me, From consciousness or something Sometimes just apartment hunting is Simply avigation and, of course Expanding the map It's just a 3D phenomenon, But all I want is just a hug, You know No you don't know. I've been stuck at concentrical Stopped at Columbus Circle, and The harsher the winter, The fonder of the west I am The girls scream in the audience, I hiss “My sentiments exactly” My sentiments exactly. Keep them all away from me, I'll love them at a distance I only want the music, anyway I only want the music And the music is All anyone knows about her, really Even her mother Who loves her, But at a distance And the music is, The only think she knows, anymore Even the words are just Color that accents it. Holy shit, the early 2000's were corny af Right now is corny af. Yeah, i guess. LOOK AT THESE CREDITS: Oh my God. LOOK AT EM. OKAY, ALRIGHT. YOU DON'T THINK EVERY ONE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAS A SCREENPLAY IN THEIR BACK POCKET. What's a “Foley editor” NOBODY. Well he's in the credits. Yeah, but do you think even his mother is going to sit this long after the movie is over to see that guys name because he was a–what the fuck “A foley editor” What IS that. I don't know, Mr. Hollywood. Oh, right, I'm Mr. Hollywood. Well, not literally– Of course not. Wait, is that a thing. If it was, would I be it? [Super Nerdy Writer] I mean, you'd at least be the poster child. Okay, my turn. HI THERE, FACE HERE. *inconsolable screaming* Holy shit, the 90's was RAW. Okay, so your childhood is terrifying. Just wait till we get to the *More inconsolable screaming* Lol. Look. What up bro. It's Juggalos. lol . After a few days of layering m usual favorite isocronic tones, it appeared that someone or something elsewhere was attempting to made contact–and though I could't isolate which frequency exactly it was coming from, it usually came in the form of music or some other source, rather what was usually hidden in between th concentrated tones themselves–however, the music always seemed far away, so far awa that it sounded as if it was being played through a tin can, merely connected to another–my own ears–with a string. Woah. Yeah. Do you think it's aliens Probably. Or like, I don't know–some other humans with like, a radio tower or satellite, some shit. I don't know. Right. Lol. maybe you're the alien. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. We know you know where it is. I DO NOT. You're hiding it. HIDE! THAT THING?! So you do know what it is OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS: And it's RIDICULOUS you think i would be hiding it. BRFORR Quick! HIde! OKay. THAT THING IS ENORMOUS. Hm. Smaller. OK. I n I T I A T I N G S H R INkING SEQUEnCE In 5 Seven Bananas… FUCK, MAN. What's this dumb game. *takes shot* it IS dumb. You have to take a shot every time she eats a banana. Oh no. This is fucked up. *barfs* You wanna play? Nah, I'm good. Diplo. What. You have 57 children. *nods* Never look at me again. *hangs head* Go that way, with your children. Dillon Francis. Yes. You have 8 kids. )That's believable) Oh, wow. *You have 84 kids. WHAT! He has more kids than me! Yes. Astonishingly, however the same percentage of them are black. Go say hello. Uhh. Now: Wait, where are you going. The the auditorium. There's an auditorium? For what. AN ENORMOUS AUDITORIUM is filled to capacity with children of all ages, shapes, and sizes, colors, creeds, genders, and otherwise–but they all seem to have something quirkily in common. What the fuck. How does he have more kids than me?! Are you serious?! Whose kids are THESE. Mind your business. Let me guess. There's still busses pulling up. I know. And a helicopter! Oh, that's just the guest of honor. Are you serious. SKRILLEX thinks he is preforming a charity benefit concert. *landing on helipad* LOL OhGod. MEANWHRILE. Whats in here. NOTHING. Just GET IN THE BOX. NO. GET– NO IN THE BOX WElcome to Jack In The Box Welcome to Hack In the Crack–what are you hacking? Uhhh. Gimme three juicy squirtalicious tacos. Eugh Extra squirt. Gross! And uh– You want anything. I'm good. Suit yourself. Best tacos ever. __ Wait, hold on. “Wait what” I think i might be getting tired, or something. Right…tired, “or something.” Or something. RIght. *blow horn* * * * * * * * Do you ever get lonely. No. Oh… But it's safe to say, all I can think about sometimes is getting railed. Oh! Moving on. Watch this. *snipes* Nice. Now check it out, that's where she respawns. (from behind) Not always. Oh shit. *stop*camping* DOUBLE KILL. Nice. Fuck I hate this map. Fuck I hate this map. Would you shut up. You wanna see a world class superstar fall out of alignment? …no. Too bad. You're hired. …hired for what. You applied on indeed, right? Yeah, as a janitor. NO. You're a paparazzi, dressed as a janitor. What! Here's your camera. (it is a cheap disposable) Are you serious. You get any good pictures, we'll talk about a nikon. Can't I just use my iPhone? Depends. Do you want your iPhone smashed? …no. Then NO. … “The Bad Boys Of Hollywood” Prepare To Be Canceled the gathering of this ingenuine group of elites causes a frenzy and stir amongst the masses as they appear, cross-dimensionally to have been reborn into stardom, mysteriously gaining controversy and mass fandom, to which no bounds can be seen as to the unstartlingly political incorrectness. I'm gonna need you to do me a favor. What's that? Shut up Don't ever look at me again. If i could take my eyes out, I would. No, need–I can do it for you. Haha, charade you are. You're a disaster. That's your excuse. Yeah, what's yours? Under the indifferential circumstances– “ooh–lala” I'm not as partial to making excuses as –as to what? Kissing ass? Only cute ones. Let it settle in, way down below deck Where the honor rollers are, The high rollers, far above you You wanna know how long the ride is? Wanna know how far you've come If i could throw you overboard, I'd trust you Love is not enough The seas are rough An open wound A bleeding heart How right you are The tea is strong, Like solid gold A needle's bond With no remorse, The tithes are gone Upright, Upright To end, to End That's right, I said Just end it I said “Better me than him” Another dinner with a friend A fear for framework, Or indifference again In this selection or Collection, Bears and end to End And End to end Upright And End to End Upright And End to end I dont know, if i want to know you I dont love like I want to love but I watched him raise the dead, Just so he had a friend I don't know if you've been told, but I don't love like I want to love, and I often raise the dead, Just so i can have a friend To play with It's darker in here, Oh, It's sufferable So I just want to know I live in a haunted house With a cat and a mouse But the old cat's gone, now the mouse tends to travel a lot I've nothing to haunt, (I'm a ghost in Toronto) A car show, A hollow heart, A starving artist, A scar; Over her bottom lip she runs her tongue So it goes: The stars on his face remind her of him So it goes: We all want Out of body Out of Mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Why (Why-Why) Would you leave me to wake (Why) In a terrible world Without you in it (A M ercedes emblem to hang around my neck, It's very simple) I tried to settle on subtle saffron I tried to love you, Then I moved on Do you ever wonder about philosophy? Do you ever wonder if anyone's watching you Secretly? Do you ever dream of it? (I'm just a ghost in a mansion) I haven't even had breakfast I've practically been dead half a century I sold the whole eiffel tower on craigslist What a bargain! You started it! I'm not arguing. I lost that bet, you know. Clearly. Is it that obvious? How do you lose a bet to Dillon Francis? He lost the bet but won the race. Whatever that means Okay. Who the fuck wrote this. [No show of hands] Nobody?! Thats our GOD. That's your God. yes. I thought Beyonce was your God. That's what I just SAID. We must infiltrate. But how. That which binds up through time The chemical, physical and biological nature of love An exploration of the meaning of meaning 1st, Second, and Third Movement Nice, I finally get to use a didgeridoo And bagpipes! And my trumpet! That sounds more like a french horn Or a “Jimmy Fallon and The Impenetrable Ten” Well, not entirely Impenetrable *stabs with sword* KRISTEN SHAAL Woah. MAYA RUDOLPH (or whoever) Dang. TINA FEY (or whoever) (At least it wasn't me) Right. –all i'm sayin. Wait, who got stabbed? Whoever. Not Jimmy Fallon. No. His untimely death is later. How much later? I don't– __ Meanwhile Dillon, if you spend $20 on Magic, I'm going to kill you. Haha, If i spend $20 on magic,it's very likely someone else is going to kill me. So it's settled. $20 on Magic, please. Fair. Ooh. Is this getting close to the part where Yup. SHH. WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS THROUGH TIME. BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO BACKWARDS. No, it isn't. What. I Came into blank street Tryna see a [?!] all coffee No cream please Scream supacree But really you can't see me Can't take it to deep on w sweetie keyboard Feed me b Seymour Ain't tryna be gory Corey Hate to inform you I I'm stuck at the rock I'm stuck at the bottom Youre stuck at the top Fine! fuckin fuck Drew Barrymore, then! Work harder and more often Fuck love and whole foods cause they All Flashback music London … …. …… ………. Who else has seen this. Nobody, just us. We must burn this at once. I wholeheartedly agree. [Remarkably huge bonfire.] Did u make copies. ya . Ooh, that's cool. Very creative. Wow Nice. … … …. Have you seen this? No. Look at it. …ilikeit. Sensations of sadness Salacious arpeggios Arduous agressions Transitions– progressive Incendiary imagery Electric Synthesis Intentionally focused, configurative –Literally Skrillex. Ugh, that might be the last thing I ever write about him. Just shoot the nigga. Ooh, he's so cute. Keep him away from me. C'mon. Yo–I can't. Fine, i'll do it. *sighs indifferently* You could move a mountain; I could stop the tide In a flash; All at once It was a long, long drive I miss the coast (Or maybe, I just miss the sunshine) You could move a mountain Keep me from going insane (If I was inside, you'd) Keep me from going outside (if I was in, though, you'd) Keep me from going in, Under the circumstances I can't stand it, but I'm back from having summer standing under subtle waters Waiting for someone who Never shows up, so So Suffer no longer I wouldn't want to want you, if i wondered more about it At the surface, Or way under Nothing wants what nothing gets And noting gets nothing Anyways, so Here's for the abstract Stream of conscious Nothing moves mountains, but You could move mountains In a flash, and I turned the tide on I saw the tidal With my ghost And twelve apostles I've been waiting for Godot For so long I still think He might come Haha, what a charade We all are Huh I love you What was that? I've run off Huh I love you What was that? I've run off I finally fell out of love Look, I broke my own heart Sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I bite my lip, Fall into bed Maybe it's a hex Maybe it's a breakfast in bed kind of moment I've been waking up with someone, But going in the world alone, eh It's never run to remember where you've been After a binder You would think with so much in my system I'd have reached indifference, Well, didn't you I didn't yet, In fact, I'm still tying one one, With a friend At the moment Well perhaps, just perhaps, It might be time that I let you go then? Don't be so chauvinistic. Isn't this a barmitvah? Hasn't this been discussed at several other functions To no exact conclusions More Complications I could just FUCK, I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER. He says it's a pluck, But i see it's percussive If I could give less of a fuck Then I probably coudn't. Woah How many wishes I've granted This festival season How many shifts that I've written through Sitting on busses and subways Looking suspicious as ever and probably smelling atrocious. INT. BLINK FITNESS. …I'm not using that shower. I thought I'd be more employable After sorting some, But it seems as though The more there is The more there isn't And the deeper it gets –the number of spirits I've risen Since getting here Is steady rising It's no surprise I've got more friends that died Than have lived here. It's been a very long year But I fucked it off quickly I'll never listen to Skrillex again If you paid me, But i'll play it In my mixes Depending Fuck it, There my brain went Down the drain again I've been training over a year And i'm still not Kayla fit I'm sick of it I've been waiting for Godot Since the year that I wrote it I've been wearing these bracelets for years Still haven't seen frozen, So i can't let it go yet Oh shit. This is all a distraction The underground is massive Another Michaelangelo Anglo Saxon anonymous I want an erroneous daughter Or Androgynous, Whatever These prostitutes have Graduate degrees with honors All I ever was, Was a disappointment I got a smile like Madonna's But none of the love at all I got a back end like Beyonce's But just some of the talent “What's an ass for If i'm cellibate, anyhow?” I asked God, She said, “Eat A Taco” I just hope that's not a euphemism for lesbianism Not that i'm intolerant, it's just that The older I get The straighter I am, And dammit He's sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I write books, And mind my own business It's impossible to whitewash all of us But I love rock and roll Look: It's a S i T uATiO NA L C0MEDy. So?! SO, THIS IS THE SITUATION: I don't wanna do this. My heart's so broken I could hold it on chopsticks You ever wonder what love is I've forgotten I'm having a hard time holding it all in I'm an artist I've got colorful emotional troubles Others love it Lil biiiiiitttzzz Man, fuck new york. I was apartment hunting and I got off the train in midtown– Technically the upper west side, but, you know, Midtown So i get off the train and I get ready to cross the street: I'm like Oh, Awesome–Trader Joes; Maybe this is the right neighborhood So i gotta use the bathroom anyway, so I head towards trader joes And I see this like– Box of birds. No, not a cage. It was like–a bird box I'm like “what. Birds.” Not just birds, though, Colorful birds– Like, straight up parakeets. I'm like, “What. the fuck” Then, before I can even look up– This dude–I just see his leg, though, He just– kicks the box of birds. “what.” Like, towards me, and i'm like “Okay, alright.” Now i got a box of birds at my feet on this busy ass corner in midtown manhattan Adjacent to Trader Joes And I look up at the guy, who kicked the box of birds, And he has this bowl So I look at the guy, And I look at the bowl, And what's in the bowl. IT'S MORE BIRDS. “OH NO!' I say. Yes, I say this, out loud, in Midtown manhattan “Oh no!” Cause it's not just a bowl of birds It's a bowl of PIGEONS. Just kickin it, in this dudes bowl. I'm like “Oh no.” And then i cross into trader joes. “Yep, right neighborhood.” Alright, here's the plan. where did you come from. nowhere. someone shoot that lady. DILLON FRANCIS I'm your worst nightmare. Dillon Francis is everyone's worst nightmare: He's a good looking white dude with too much money. He's literally like 8 Billion People's worst nightmare. GET OUT OF HERE, COLONIZER. Oh, man. DILLON FRANCIS is trapped in the hood. Try being famous over here! Motherfucker! More on that later. Look, I don't even like you like that! That's okay—-but I still want to suck your cock and that's not gonna change. *hangs head* I'm am not ashamed. I just might watch porn in the morning. Come on, 6:30, roll the fuck around. Wait, Which one is the Brown eyed dillon francis. The one with brown eyes. He's the trustworthy one. Well good luck with that. (The one that doesn't exist.) I didn't take the train today; I thought I was going to jump Thought i'd better play it safe Filled up my shopping cart, Got everything I wanted Everything and more Might not look my best but At least I'm not gone Come on, six o clock I just want to be alone She's got the gift of gab Grew up two blocks from here In the ghetto I've heard it all before But love, my heart's so broken And you turn me on some I'm gonna smoke your seamen* out of a nektar collector. That shit is like crack to me. Oh no. Who is this about. I'll give you one guess. I don't have any guesses. It's five past Christ I just opened my eyelids And rolled back my mind I tried to find you, after all, didn't I I might have designed you (On second thought I did) I might need time (if I believed in it) can't apologize for being human, but I wear your eyes all over the world I wear the memories of many girls And many nights Suffer the consequences Sure, I've been subway surfing, wondering Wait, where was I again? I was almost, Almost a person There's so much to learn from And too much to learn here I've been fighting off demons, Fighting the feeling of Falling in love again But I can't fall in Cause I never fell out Afterward, I went past it And on to the next one I might double back though– To find that I hadn't quite left in the– To find that I hadn't quite left in the first place To find that we haven't quite met yet At least not the right way It's probably a lesson I might miss the lecture I've got other plans today Fuck, so it is Skrillex. Not really exactly. On second thought, at first glance Better illusion, than hypnotism But if I can't be like that Why be anything at all If not a model Or artist Brought it up at the wrong time (You would want her) I wasn't one for improper introductions Or impromptu arrangements There, there It's just getting better So better not whine about it I wake up in a pile full of rocks; I guess it's better than a puddle of blood, Cause nobody loves me I've been alone, not lonely And never alone as long as I like Cause they all just surround me Now I know what it's like to be famous Without all the money and glamour– Turns out, that's the part that alluring I'd better find out what I did this for In the next downpour I'll be soaked to my torso exactly Aren't you proud of me (not really) I learned to cope by narrowing down all my options As time rolled on I got worse at making up stories As it turns out I didn't have to make them up at all They were happening to me So truly and honestly All my job was to “Mark My Words” Said The God Quite astonishing literally But I got bored of running and still not looking like Kayla Lauren I wouldn't bring it up, except The photographic evidence was damaging At least Dillon Francis has no audacity as such Then again, —I've never even been on an album cover. There you have it I've been lusting over Several other Talented masters and Handsome disasters But matter of fact It just started with One random – Well, now that I think about it, if I haven't believed in coincidences Since this, Random is just as likely as foreign a concept As such Immaculate conception, This contraption At first glance, a sonogram Play it back, Caught in the act again Cause in the act again I'll probably make a list of Weird shit I want to do with him When I think of it in public (That's usually where it happens) And if anything is random –It's that. ILLUMINATI DREAMS: PART III Dillon Francis broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. That was cool. We were best friends and got along really well. Went hiking in a beautiful park with crystal clear water and gorgeous ruins— Fell in the water and got my phone wet but it was in an otter box. I felt guilty about his girlfriend a feared they would get back together— But he was over her and super loyal to me — It all started when I tried to crawl into a giant bed to give Sonny a blowjob: Sonny was sleeping alone and Dillon was sleeping with his girlfriend— Dillon decided he wanted the blowjob; I refused because I would not let him cheat on his girlfriend; So he broke it off with her— Sonny never woke up There was no blowjob but Dillon and I ended up together. Sonny disappeared like he never existed anyway. Dillon and I were happy together and never fought. We were very in love. It was just a dream but still good to see Dillon. It felt warm and good. Lmfao wtf is wrong with you SOMETHING, obviously. It made a difffetent sound from further away, and better yet, an actual sound up close—I had been enamored enough walking by to move towards the lights after I was sure that my laundry was as close to complete as possible, but — A clock stops me in my tracks A Starbucks cup not in the trash lies in the ground I love the sparkles On Rockaway boulevard, Making it harder to ponder The underworld, unnerved of the undeserving The servicemen and servers of the surface Boughroughs further than Manhattan At the center lil biiiiiitzzzzs — Bro, I love the cops in New York All the cops in the east are bar none top notch I'm not kidding I went to a show in Miami once and I was walking this really long walk between one part of the venue and another I will never forget this like, line of cops that were like along the path and every single one of them was model hot I'm not joking I'm almost wish I was because I couldn't help myself from looking That's not even the worst part! the worst part was, they were looking back at me! All of em! I was like: “what the fuck is going on with these cops?! “ V.O. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going cry– So instead of running two miles on the treadmill I went three– But I still wanted to punch something. So I lifted some. I've been worried i'll plateau at the benchpress, the more I keep running… But I don't care. I'd rather weighless, and have a man, Than keep lifting like this, And be a man. Sometimes I'm worried I might be turning into one. Sometimes, depending on the way I dress, I'm mistaken for one– Or at least– Give off an air of general confusion. But I don't mind. Not that much. I'm no naturally designed to attract the kind of men I like. It might take a bit of maintenance, But i'm determined to persist I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have been born a beautiful woman. But maybe, if i'm lucky, or if I try hard enough, I'll have an idea of what it's like to have become one. I'm counting my blessings. All of them. I'm saying my prayers. A lot. And I'm crossing my fingers– that the longer, harder, and faster I run, The closer I get to actually living. That is, To be loved. I wish I could take my eyes out and wash them wit soap. Oh. I wish i didn't know you existed; I wish I Didn't know how to love you God, I spoke to soon I opened up all of the wrong doors, I'm done for, You know, I'm not really good at nothing Nothing at all I wish i didn't know at all You were ever born; But there you are, a son of God, And I'm just rolling along, writing anthems, and carrying on as if everything happened at once But it hasn't Not yet, I'm still breaking my neck on the alter If you want blood I've got it Jump the broom, But watch your heart I've got a dagger full of them; You'd think i had it backwards, But that's the hard part If it were the other way around Oh But it's not No I don't want to love anyone, anymore, God Take me off of this rock Throw me head first overboard Push me in front of a bus; Or give me a heart attack I've had it harder before, But that was over there, I'm omnipresent. I could write forever to this (Ten years ago) I put the book with the devil on front Into my row A collection of noveelties An erection, selective To say the least But please, forgive me I'm veen on my knees And barely breathing, Let it simmer, Simmer down please settle, way below the belt Above you and Beyond this, But I'll never firget what you said (i love you) I'll nevr forget what you said And I'll never look back, dad And I'll never go back ther And I'll neve have blue eyes And I'll never have blonde hair And I'll never have white skin And I'll never be better At least not at this partl But maybe the other I'm just friendless I like it My security blanket The party i wasnt invited to My lies are compulsive; But not quite pathological But the girl was obnoxious And my spirit tyrannical I'm an animal But I pray a lot And used to fast as much Now that Ive been determined to be an deplorable Why not just kill myself? I'd be better off after With a kitchen, a shower I'd forget about money; Getting paid by the hour. I'd be better off anyway I need a vacation It was all in my head, anyway Then again, so is heaven Amen A…men A…men… It's a dangerous game we play But i'd rather not kill myself over you (Again) I'd rather not kill myself again I'd rather not kill myself Could be a coincidence But I doubt it, Since I don't believe in them But I could be getting my lines crossed My rum mixed with vodka And getting my ass whooped more often That's not a metaphor: I'm not a fighter It was metaphysical before, But now its atrocious This night'll be a lot longer If i remain hungry But I wanna look like Madonna! (minus, of course, the minor difference between us) I hadn't understood what an age gap meant, Until jumping it (hardee har har, that's a good one) I'm not even in my body right now; But i'm in my head Shut up, Becky! Isn't it bad enough, Your society? Fuck, I'm losing my mind Just not being blonde enough Or just not being wanted, or something (Loved) Playing the victim, But hey, At least i'm playing something! All these instruments are just too expensive I was just thinking how Photosensitive epilepsy and synestesia Might be deadly But I said “till death do us part” So i think that's what I need I thought my suicide ended it Now I'm in hell with him But I'd end it over and over again Just to be rid of him (yes, i'm serious) Fuck, man, Madonna's gonna kill— For Colored Girls Who've Completed Suicide: The Afterlife At The End of The Rainbow [An Inspiring Story] Had I exacted this science, For starters, On anyone else but A circle of stars, I forewarn you, I wouldn't be honored as such Just a disheartened philosopher, A nonpartisan biocentric; Listen, I'm learning my lessons and levels UGH, ARE YOU DONE YET. what. WE'RE STILL WAITING. huh? DRAKE BELL How long do i have to keep doing this for? ILLUMINATI Till the end DRAKE BELL Whens the end. ILLUMINATI When it is. Now even looking for something to watch became a writing assignment. *squinting* –and somehow, without even touching my mango, my keyboard was already sticky. *squinting even harder* –No… –No…(?) No. …No. Ugh! Try not to hold your breath. *holding breath/ attempting to block telepathy.* I told you, I need this. *attempt to block telepathy had failed* You don't need anything. *squinting exactly alike* The eyes really are windows… Maybe I should jump out then. –or jump in. dayumm . sike . Alright, I need something to take my mind off this project. How much acid did you put in the water. Enough Fuck, I hate my life. Which bottle is it in. [beat] All of them. *facepalm* Remarkable, what the love of a teenaged girl can do. I wouldn't quite call it that. I would. Don't be gross. I'm you. You're gross. Touche. I don't think we should be doing this. We shouldn't be. Ah come on! Now Johnny Depp? Nice. He's like 100 years old. Ah, to be young again. So wait. How the fuck exactly old is this lady. Really fucking old. Like, how old, though. Really, really fucking old. Okay, I have to talk to this Goddess. [She dances by] *gasp* Is that her?! Yeus. She's young again! It appears she has procured a body! Presumably! I must do the same! At once! At one! Lol who are these dudes. Just wait for it. Hurmph. Nrh. *sigh of deep frustration, facepalm* *falls into a deep unconscious of out sheer bewilderment* Oh good, they're here. Who's they? I don't know! Hm. Suhp. Nice rabbit hole. *shrugs nonscalontly* On telephone) She bought a what a Whole Foods Market? (In public, trying not to be heard) A penis shaped sweet potato. A WHAT? [Speak up] A– penis shaped sweet potato. A WH– A PENIS-SHAPED SWEET POTATO. (Everyone stops and stares) …it was delicious. Nice. I don't know Anymore What to do With myself I'm a mess On the Inside and out –wanna cry about it He's a rock and roll sex God I don't know What to think Anymore No, don't ask My opinion, It gets old Afterawhile, And after awhile I'll cry about it, but Right now, I've gotta get out of this Gotta get out! I gotta get out of this project. Well, how'd you get into it in the first place ? I don't know. I think i really tied one on at some party, I must have really been on one, i don't remember a thing. Ugh, what do you want. Listen, Ill make it quicK: It's bee quick. Do you have a deathclock on this guy, or what. Or what. That's all I want to know. Know what? When? When what? [Stopping] Are you serious. What. If i could tell you “when” then it wouldn't be a deathclock, would it. MAybe it's not. Yeah, I wish. Hey! wishes get granted– –I said that. –You said that. Look– Don't touch me. Sorry. No you're not. –if you can't give me the when–at least give me the how. Oh, the “How” Yeah. You want the “How” Just–yes. If i can't give you the “when”, what exactly makes you think I can give you the “How” Well, do you know how? You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. Well. Okay. “Okay”? I'm not a human being. Oh, right. UGH. I can't spend another minute with that WOMAN. Well, that's your grandmother, so Great-great– Whatever. You exist because she exists. Existed. She was dead before I was born! Actually, that's not true. Beg your pardon. …Ever had your palm read before. All of your kids– “kids “ Read: Lovechildren. Ahem. Are in this room And– Fuck that I'm not writing this scene, It wouldn't be the most horrible thing you'd ever written. No, but it's one of the most horrible things i've ever thought about, Is that so? No! It's funny but– But what? It's the fact I even thought about it that scares me. What is UP. What IS up? Have you ever thought about dating a writer? No. Aw, come on… Actually yes–once Once is all I need! Not you. Daww… I dated a writer once in college. What, really? Really. But that was in college. I was in college. He was a writer. Oh, that's hot. Not Exactly. He worked for Disney. Wait–he what? Hm. I almost forgot about that. DISNEY We didn't [simultaneously] MICKEY MOUSE I didn't. Well, what happened. Nothing, really. He was great. The only problem was… Flashback: Wait, you're 17. SEVENTEEN?? What's th difference! A YEAR! *purses lips* …or like, a couple months… *face* …or like–midnight on your birthday! *squints* But not 17! *shrugs* Hollywood Is Hollywood. Well, New Hollywood is a whole different story What's “New Hollywood?” My level is indifference, Benevolence, inward violence Ending obsessions and arrangements, Incessant sexual repression, Exponential explanations –Of the world i've never lived in, but created, apparently. Now, i”m unhinged Haven't made a decision on whether I should just binger, or Find a new mister, Or end it I'm still sitting Stuck on ‘concentrical' Now I'm unhinged And it's just been a minute I haven't mentioned his name in a minute, but I should stay clear, is it Everclear or Here, son, Just have another bottle Now i'm not stuck on Nothing and no one I cant even see movies anymore All i see is actors, All i hear is conversations I've already written in Closed conversations with critics Dressed as Angels All i see is Camera Angles The city of angels But my algorithm Must have build new york for me, From consciousness or something Sometimes just apartment hunting is Simply avigation and, of course Expanding the map It's just a 3D phenomenon, But all I want is just a hug, You know No you don't know. I've been stuck at concentrical Stopped at Columbus Circle, and The harsher the winter, The fonder of the west I am The girls scream in the audience, I hiss “My sentiments exactly” My sentiments exactly. Keep them all away from me, I'll love them at a distance I only want the music, anyway I only want the music And the music is All anyone knows about her, really Even her mother Who loves her, But at a distance And the music is, The only think she knows, anymore Even the words are just Color that accents it. Holy shit, the early 2000's were corny af Right now is corny af. Yeah, i guess. LOOK AT THESE CREDITS: Oh my God. LOOK AT EM. OKAY, ALRIGHT. YOU DON'T THINK EVERY ONE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAS A SCREENPLAY IN THEIR BACK POCKET. What's a “Foley editor” NOBODY. Well he's in the credits. Yeah, but do you think even his mother is going to sit this long after the movie is over to see that guys name because he was a–what the fuck “A foley editor” What IS that. I don't know, Mr. Hollywood. Oh, right, I'm Mr. Hollywood. Well, not literally– Of course not. Wait, is that a thing. If it was, would I be it? [Super Nerdy Writer] I mean, you'd at least be the poster child. Okay, my turn. HI THERE, FACE HERE. *inconsolable screaming* Holy shit, the 90's was RAW. Okay, so your childhood is terrifying. Just wait till we get to the *More inconsolable screaming* Lol. Look. What up bro. It's Juggalos. lol . After a few days of layering m usual favorite isocronic tones, it appeared that someone or something elsewhere was attempting to made contact–and though I could't isolate which frequency exactly it was coming from, it usually came in the form of music or some other source, rather what was usually hidden in between th concentrated tones themselves–however, the music always seemed far away, so far awa that it sounded as if it was being played through a tin can, merely connected to another–my own ears–with a string. Woah. Yeah. Do you think it's aliens Probably. Or like, I don't know–some other humans with like, a radio tower or satellite, some shit. I don't know. Right. Lol. maybe you're the alien. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. We know you know where it is. I DO NOT. You're hiding it. HIDE! THAT THING?! So you do know what it is OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS: And it's RIDICULOUS you think i would be hiding it. BRFORR Quick! HIde! OKay. THAT THING IS ENORMOUS. Hm. Smaller. OK. I n I T I A T I N G S H R INkING SEQUEnCE In 5 Seven Bananas… FUCK, MAN. What's this dumb game. *takes shot* it IS dumb. You have to take a shot every time she eats a banana. Oh no. This is fucked up. *barfs* You wanna play? Nah, I'm good. Diplo. What. You have 57 children. *nods* Never look at me again. *hangs head* Go that way, with your children. Dillon Francis. Yes. You have 8 kids. )That's believable) Oh, wow. *You have 84 kids. WHAT! He has more kids than me! Yes. Astonishingly, however the same percentage of them are black. Go say hello. Uhh. Now: Wait, where are you going. The the auditorium. There's an auditorium? For what. AN ENORMOUS AUDITORIUM is filled to capacity with children of all ages, shapes, and sizes, colors, creeds, genders, and otherwise–but they all seem to have something quirkily in common. What the fuck. How does he have more kids than me?! Are you serious?! Whose kids are THESE. Mind your business. Let me guess. There's still busses pulling up. I know. And a helicopter! Oh, that's just the guest of honor. Are you serious. SKRILLEX thinks he is preforming a charity benefit concert. *landing on helipad* LOL OhGod. MEANWHRILE. Whats in here. NOTHING. Just GET IN THE BOX. NO. GET– NO IN THE BOX WElcome to Jack In The Box Welcome to Hack In the Crack–what are you hacking? Uhhh. Gimme three juicy squirtalicious tacos. Eugh Extra squirt. Gross! And uh– You want anything. I'm good. Suit yourself. Best tacos ever. __ Wait, hold on. “Wait what” I think i might be getting tired, or something. Right…tired, “or something.” Or something. RIght. *blow horn* * * * * * * * Do you ever get lonely. No. Oh… But it's safe to say, all I can think about sometimes is getting railed. Oh! Moving on. Watch this. *snipes* Nice. Now check it out, that's where she respawns. (from behind) Not always. Oh shit. *stop*camping* DOUBLE KILL. Nice. Fuck I hate this map. Fuck I hate this map. Would you shut up. You wanna see a world class superstar fall out of alignment? …no. Too bad. You're hired. …hired for what. You applied on indeed, right? Yeah, as a janitor. NO. You're a paparazzi, dressed as a janitor. What! Here's your camera. (it is a cheap disposable) Are you serious. You get any good pictures, we'll talk about a nikon. Can't I just use my iPhone? Depends. Do you want your iPhone smashed? …no. Then NO. … “The Bad Boys Of Hollywood” Prepare To Be Canceled the gathering of this ingenuine group of elites causes a frenzy and stir amongst the masses as they appear, cross-dimensionally to have been reborn into stardom, mysteriously gaining controversy and mass fandom, to which no bounds can be seen as to the unstartlingly political incorrectness. I'm gonna need you to do me a favor. What's that? Shut up Don't ever look at me again. If i could take my eyes out, I would. No, need–I can do it for you. Haha, charade you are. You're a disaster. That's your excuse. Yeah, what's yours? Under the indifferential circumstances– “ooh–lala” I'm not as partial to making excuses as –as to what? Kissing ass? Only cute ones. Let it settle in, way down below deck Where the honor rollers are, The high rollers, far above you You wanna know how long the ride is? Wanna know how far you've come If i could throw you overboard, I'd trust you Love is not enough The seas are rough An open wound A bleeding heart How right you are The tea is strong, Like solid gold A needle's bond With no remorse, The tithes are gone Upright, Upright To end, to End That's right, I said Just end it I said “Better me than him” Another dinner with a friend A fear for framework, Or indifference again In this selection or Collection, Bears and end to End And End to end Upright And End to End Upright And End to end I dont know, if i want to know you I dont love like I want to love but I watched him raise the dead, Just so he had a friend I don't know if you've been told, but I don't love like I want to love, and I often raise the dead, Just so i can have a friend To play with It's darker in here, Oh, It's sufferable So I just want to know I live in a haunted house With a cat and a mouse But the old cat's gone, now the mouse tends to travel a lot I've nothing to haunt, (I'm a ghost in Toronto) A car show, A hollow heart, A starving artist, A scar; Over her bottom lip she runs her tongue So it goes: The stars on his face remind her of him So it goes: We all want Out of body Out of Mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Why (Why-Why) Would you leave me to wake (Why) In a terrible world Without you in it (A M ercedes emblem to hang around my neck, It's very simple) I tried to settle on subtle saffron I tried to love you, Then I moved on Do you ever wonder about philosophy? Do you ever wonder if anyone's watching you Secretly? Do you ever dream of it? (I'm just a ghost in a mansion) I haven't even had breakfast I've practically been dead half a century I sold the whole eiffel tower on craigslist What a bargain! You started it! I'm not arguing. I lost that bet, you know. Clearly. Is it that obvious? How do you lose a bet to Dillon Francis? He lost the bet but won the race. Whatever that means Okay. Who the fuck wrote this. [No show of hands] Nobody?! Thats our GOD. That's your God. yes. I thought Beyonce was your God. That's what I just SAID. We must infiltrate. But how. That which binds up through time The chemical, physical and biological nature of love An exploration of the meaning of meaning 1st, Second, and Third Movement Nice, I finally get to use a didgeridoo And bagpipes! And my trumpet! That sounds more like a french horn Or a Jimmy Fallon and The Impenetrable Ten Well, not entirely Impenetrable *stabs with sword* KRISTEN SHAAL Woah. MAYA RUDOLPH (or whoever) Dang. TINA FEY (or whoever) (At least it wasn't me) Right. –all i'm sayin. Wait, who got stabbed? Whoever. Not Jimmy Fallon. No. His untimely death is later. How much later? I don't– __ Meanwhile Dillon, if you spend $20 on Magic, I'm going to kill you. Haha, If i spend $20 on magic,it's very likely someone else is going to kill me. So it's settled. $20 on Magic, please. Fair. Ooh. Is this getting close to the part where Yup. SHH. WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS THROUGH TIME. BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO BACKWARDS. No, it isn't. What. I Came into blank street Tryna see a [?!] all coffee No cream please Scream supacree But really you can't see me Can't take it to deep on w sweetie keyboard Feed me b Seymour Ain't tryna be gory Corey Hate to inform you I I'm stuck at the rock I'm stuck at the bottom Youre stuck at the top Fine! fuckin fuck Drew Barrymore, then! Work harder and more often Fuck love and whole foods cause they All Flashback music London … …. …… ………. Who else has seen this. Nobody, just us. We must burn this at once. I wholeheartedly agree. [Remarkably huge bonfire.] Did u make copies. ya . Ooh, that's cool. Very creative. Wow Nice. … … …. Have you seen this? No. Look at it. …ilikeit. Sensations of sadness Salacious arpeggios Arduous agressions Transitions– progressive Incendiary imagery Electric Synthesis Intentionally focused, configurative –Literally Skrillex. Ugh, that might be the last thing I ever write about him. Just shoot the nigga. Ooh, he's so cute. Keep him away from me. C'mon. Yo–I can't. Fine, i'll do it. *sighs indifferently* You could move a mountain; I could stop the tide In a flash; All at once It was a long, long drive I miss the coast (Or maybe, I just miss the sunshine) You could move a mountain Keep me from going insane (If I was inside, you'd) Keep me from going outside (if I was in, though, you'd) Keep me from going in, Under the circumstances I can't stand it, but I'm back from having summer standing under subtle waters Waiting for someone who Never shows up, so So Suffer no longer I wouldn't want to want you, if i wondered more about it At the surface, Or way under Nothing wants what nothing gets And noting gets nothing Anyways, so Here's for the abstract Stream of conscious Nothing moves mountains, but You could move mountains In a flash, and I turned the tide on I saw the tidal With my ghost And twelve apostles I've been waiting for Godot For so long I still think He might come Haha, what a charade We all are Huh I love you What was that? I've run off Huh I love you What was that? I've run off I finally fell out of love Look, I broke my own heart Sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I bite my lip, Fall into bed Maybe it's a hex Maybe it's a breakfast in bed kind of moment I've been waking up with someone, But going in the world alone, eh It's never run to remember where you've been After a binder You would think with so much in my system I'd have reached indifference, Well, didn't you I didn't yet, In fact, I'm still tying one one, With a friend At the moment Well perhaps, just perhaps, It might be time that I let you go then? Don't be so chauvinistic. Isn't this a barmitvah? Hasn't this been discussed at several other functions To no exact conclusions More Complications I could just FUCK, I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER. He says it's a pluck, But i see it's percussive If I could give less of a fuck Then I probably coudn't. Woah How many wishes I've granted This festival season How many shifts that I've written through Sitting on busses and subways Looking suspicious as ever and probably smelling atrocious. INT. BLINK FITNESS. …I'm not using that shower. I thought I'd be more employable After sorting some, But it seems as though The more there is The more there isn't And the deeper it gets –the number of spirits I've risen Since getting here Is steady rising It's no surprise I've got more friends that died Than have lived here. It's been a very long year But I fucked it off quickly I'll never listen to Skrillex again If you paid me, But i'll play it In my mixes Depending Fuck it, There my brain went Down the drain again I've been training over a year And i'm still not Kayla fit I'm sick of it I've been waiting for Godot Since the year that I wrote it I've been wearing these bracelets for years Still haven't seen frozen, So i can't let it go yet Oh shit. This is all a distraction The underground is massive Another Michaelangelo Anglo Saxon anonymous I want an erroneous daughter Or Androgynous, Whatever These prostitutes have Graduate degrees with honors All I ever was, Was a disappointment I got a smile like Madonna's But none of the love at all I got a back end like Beyonce's But just some of the talent “What's an ass for If i'm cellibate, anyhow?” I asked God, She said, “Eat A Taco” I just hope that's not a euphemism for lesbianism Not that i'm intolerant, it's just that The older I get The straighter I am, And dammit He's sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I write books, And mind my own business It's impossible to whitewash all of us But I love rock and roll Look: It's a S i T uATiO NA L C0MEDy. So?! SO, THIS IS THE SITUATION: I don't wanna do this. My heart's so broken I could hold it on chopsticks You ever wonder what love is I've forgotten I'm having a hard time holding it all in I'm an artist I've got colorful emotional troubles Others love it Lil biiiiiitttzzz Man, fuck new york. I was apartment hunting and I got off the train in midtown– Technically the upper west side, but, you know, Midtown So i get off the train and I get ready to cross the street: I'm like Oh, Awesome–Trader Joes; Maybe this is the right neighborhood So i gotta use the bathroom anyway, so I head towards trader joes And I see this like– Box of birds. No, not a cage. It was like–a bird box I'm like “what. Birds.” Not just birds, though, Colorful birds– Like, straight up parakeets. I'm like, “What. the fuck” Then, before I can even look up– This dude–I just see his leg, though, He just– kicks the box of birds. “what.” Like, towards me, and i'm like “Okay, alright.” Now i got a box of birds at my feet on this busy ass corner in midtown manhattan Adjacent to Trader Joes And I look up at the guy, who kicked the box of birds, And he has this bowl So I look at the guy, And I look at the bowl, And what's in the bowl. IT'S MORE BIRDS. “OH NO!' I say. Yes, I say this, out loud, in Midtown manhattan “Oh no!” Cause it's not just a bowl of birds It's a bowl of PIGEONS. Just kickin it, in this dudes bowl. I'm like “Oh no.” And then i cross into trader joes. “Yep, right neighborhood.” Alright, here's the plan. where did you come from. nowhere. someone shoot that lady. DILLON FRANCIS I'm your worst nightmare. Dillon Francis is everyone's worst nightmare: He's a good looking white dude with too much money. He's literally like 8 Billion People's worst nightmare. GET OUT OF HERE, COLONIZER. Oh, man. DILLON FRANCIS is trapped in the hood. Try being famous over here! Motherfucker! More on that later. Look, I don't even like you like that! That's okay—-but I still want to suck your cock and that's not gonna change. *hangs head* I'm am not ashamed. I just might watch porn in the morning. Come on, 6:30, roll the fuck around. Wait, Which one is the Brown eyed dillon francis. The one with brown eyes. He's the trustworthy one. Well good luck with that. (The one that doesn't exist.) I didn't take the train today; I thought I was going to jump Thought i'd better play it safe Filled up my shopping cart, Got everything I wanted Everything and more Might not look my best but At least I'm not gone Come on, six o clock I just want to be alone She's got the gift of gab Grew up two blocks from here In the ghetto I've heard it all before But love, my heart's so broken And you turn me on some I'm gonna smoke your seamen* out of a nektar collector. That shit is like crack to me. Oh no. Who is this about. I'll give you one guess. I don't have any guesses. It's five past Christ I just opened my eyelids And rolled back my mind I tried to find you, after all, didn't I I might have designed you (On second thought I did) I might need time (if I believed in it) can't apologize for being human, but I wear your eyes all over the world I wear the memories of many girls And many nights Suffer the consequences Sure, I've been subway surfing, wondering Wait, where was I again? I was almost, Almost a person There's so much to learn from And too much to learn here I've been fighting off demons, Fighting the feeling of Falling in love again But I can't fall in Cause I never fell out Afterward, I went past it And on to the next one I might double back though– To find that I hadn't quite left in the– To find that I hadn't quite left in the first place To find that we haven't quite met yet At least not the right way It's probably a lesson I might miss the lecture I've got other plans today Fuck, so it is Skrillex. Not really exactly. On second thought, at first glance Better illusion, than hypnotism But if I can't be like that Why be anything at all If not a model Or artist Brought it up at the wrong time (You would want her) I wasn't one for improper introductions Or impromptu arrangements There, there It's just getting better So better not whine about it I wake up in a pile full of rocks; I guess it's better than a puddle of blood, Cause nobody loves me I've been alone, not lonely And never alone as long as I like Cause they all just surround me Now I know what it's like to be famous Without all the money and glamour– Turns out, that's the part that alluring I'd better find out what I did this for In the next downpour I'll be soaked to my torso exactly Aren't you proud of me (not really) I learned to cope by narrowing down all my options As time rolled on I got worse at making up stories As it turns out I didn't have to make them up at all They were happening to me So truly and honestly All my job was to “Mark My Words” Said The God Quite astonishing literally But I got bored of running and still not looking like Kayla Lauren I wouldn't bring it up, except The photographic evidence was damaging At least Dillon Francis has no audacity as such Then again, —I've never even been on an album cover. There you have it I've been lusting over Several other Talented masters and Handsome disasters But matter of fact It just started with One random – Well, now that I think about it, if I haven't believed in coincidences Since this, Random is just as likely as foreign a concept As such Immaculate conception, This contraption At first glance, a sonogram Play it back, Caught in the act again Cause in the act again I'll probably make a list of Weird shit I want to do with him When I think of it in public (That's usually where it happens) And if anything is random –It's that. ILLUMINATI DREAMS: PART III Dillon Francis broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. That was cool. We were best friends and got along really well. Went hiking in a beautiful park with crystal clear water and gorgeous ruins— Fell in the water and got my phone wet but it was in an otter box. I felt guilty about his girlfriend a feared they would get back together— But he was over her and super loyal to me — It all started when I tried to crawl into a giant bed to give Sonny a blowjob: Sonny was sleeping alone and Dillon was sleeping with his girlfriend— Dillon decided he wanted the blowjob; I refused because I would not let him cheat on his girlfriend; So he broke it off with her— Sonny never woke up There was no blowjob but Dillon and I ended up together. Sonny disappeared like he never existed anyway. Dillon and I were happy together and never fought. We were very in love. It was just a dream but still good to see Dillon. It felt warm and good. Lmfao wtf is wrong with you SOMETHING, obviously. It made a difffetent sound from further away, and better yet, an actual sound up close—I had been enamored enough walking by to move towards the lights after I was sure that my laundry was as close to complete as possible, but — A clock stops me in my tracks A Starbucks cup not in the trash lies in the ground I love the sparkles On Rockaway boulevard, Making it harder to ponder The underworld, unnerved of the undeserving The servicemen and servers of the surface Boughroughs further than Manhattan At the center lil biiiiiitzzzzs — Bro, I love the cops in New York All the cops in the east are bar none top notch I'm not kidding I went to a show in Miami once and I was walking this really long walk between one part of the venue and another I will never forget this like, line of cops that were like along the path and every single one of them was model hot I'm not joking I'm almost wish I was because I couldn't help myself from looking That's not even the worst part! the worst part was, they were looking back at me! All of em! I was like: “what the fuck is going on with these cops?! “ V.O. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going cry– So instead of running two miles on the treadmill I went three– But I still wanted to punch something. So I lifted some. I've been worried i'll plateau at the benchpress, the more I keep running… But I don't care. I'd rather weighless, and have a man, Than keep lifting like this, And be a man. Sometimes I'm worried I might be turning into one. Sometimes, depending on the way I dress, I'm mistaken for one– Or at least– Give off an air of general confusion. But I don't mind. Not that much. I'm no naturally designed to attract the kind of men I like. It might take a bit of maintenance, But i'm determined to persist I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have been born a beautiful woman. But maybe, if i'm lu

For Colored Girls Who've Completed Suicide: The Afterlife At The End of The Rainbow [An Inspiring Story] Had I exacted this science, For starters, On anyone else but A circle of stars, I forewarn you, I wouldn't be honored as such Just a disheartened philosopher, A nonpartisan biocentric; Listen, I'm learning my lessons and levels UGH, ARE YOU DONE YET. what. WE'RE STILL WAITING. huh? DRAKE BELL How long do i have to keep doing this for? ILLUMINATI Till the end DRAKE BELL Whens the end. ILLUMINATI When it is. Now even looking for something to watch became a writing assignment. *squinting* –and somehow, without even touching my mango, my keyboard was already sticky. *squinting even harder* –No… –No…(?) No. …No. Ugh! Try not to hold your breath. *holding breath/ attempting to block telepathy.* I told you, I need this. *attempt to block telepathy had failed* You don't need anything. *squinting exactly alike* The eyes really are windows… Maybe I should jump out then. –or jump in. dayumm . sike . Alright, I need something to take my mind off this project. How much acid did you put in the water. Enough Fuck, I hate my life. Which bottle is it in. [beat] All of them. *facepalm* Remarkable, what the love of a teenaged girl can do. I wouldn't quite call it that. I would. Don't be gross. I'm you. You're gross. Touche. I don't think we should be doing this. We shouldn't be. Ah come on! Now Johnny Depp? Nice. He's like 100 years old. Ah, to be young again. So wait. How the fuck exactly old is this lady? Really fucking old. Like, how old, though. Really, really fucking old. Okay, I have to talk to this Goddess. [She dances by] *gasp* Is that her?! Yeus. She's young again! It appears she has procured a body! Presumably! I must do the same! At once! At one! Lol who are these dudes. Just wait for it. Hurmph. Nrh. *sigh of deep frustration, facepalm* *falls into a deep unconscious of out sheer bewilderment* Oh good, they're here. Who's they? I don't know! Hm. Suhp. Nice rabbit hole. *shrugs nonscalontly* On telephone) She bought a what a Whole Foods Market? (In public, trying not to be heard) A penis shaped sweet potato. A WHAT? [Speak up] A– penis shaped sweet potato. A WH– A PENIS-SHAPED SWEET POTATO. (Everyone stops and stares) …it was delicious. Nice. I don't know Anymore What to do With myself I'm a mess On the Inside and out –wanna cry about it He's a rock and roll sex God I don't know What to think Anymore No, don't ask My opinion, It gets old Afterawhile, And after awhile I'll cry about it, but Right now, I've gotta get out of this Gotta get out! I gotta get out of this project. Well, how'd you get into it in the first place ? I don't know. I think i really tied one on at some party, I must have really been on one, i don't remember a thing. Ugh, what do you want. Listen, Ill make it quicK: It's bee quick. Do you have a deathclock on this guy, or what. Or what. That's all I want to know. Know what? When? When what? [Stopping] Are you serious. What. If i could tell you “when” then it wouldn't be a deathclock, would it. MAybe it's not. Yeah, I wish. Hey! wishes get granted– –I said that. –You said that. Look– Don't touch me. Sorry. No you're not. –if you can't give me the when–at least give me the how. Oh, the “How” Yeah. You want the “How” Just–yes. If i can't give you the “when”, what exactly makes you think I can give you the “How” Well, do you know how? You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. Well. Okay. “Okay”? I'm not a human being. Oh, right. UGH. I can't spend another minute with that WOMAN. Well, that's your grandmother, so Great-great– Whatever. You exist because she exists. Existed. She was dead before I was born! Actually, that's not true. Beg your pardon. …Ever had your palm read before. All of your kids– “kids “ Read: Lovechildren. Ahem. Are in this room And– Fuck that I'm not writing this scene, It wouldn't be the most horrible thing you'd ever written. No, but it's one of the most horrible things i've ever thought about, Is that so? No! It's funny but– But what? It's the fact I even thought about it that scares me. What is UP. What IS up? Have you ever thought about dating a writer? No. Aw, come on… Actually yes–once Once is all I need! Not you. Daww… I dated a writer once in college. What, really? Really. But that was in college. I was in college. He was a writer. Oh, that's hot. Not Exactly. He worked for Disney. Wait–he what? Hm. I almost forgot about that. DISNEY We didn't [simultaneously] MICKEY MOUSE I didn't. Well, what happened. Nothing, really. He was great. The only problem was… Flashback: Wait, you're 17. SEVENTEEN?? What's th difference! A YEAR! *purses lips* …or like, a couple months… *face* …or like–midnight on your birthday! *squints* But not 17! *shrugs* Hollywood Is Hollywood. Well, New Hollywood is a whole different story What's “New Hollywood?” My level is indifference, Benevolence, inward violence Ending obsessions and arrangements, Incessant sexual repression, Exponential explanations –Of the world i've never lived in, but created, apparently. Now, i”m unhinged Haven't made a decision on whether I should just binger, or Find a new mister, Or end it I'm still sitting Stuck on ‘concentrical' Now I'm unhinged And it's just been a minute I haven't mentioned his name in a minute, but I should stay clear, is it Everclear or Here, son, Just have another bottle Now i'm not stuck on Nothing and no one I cant even see movies anymore All i see is actors, All i hear is conversations I've already written in Closed conversations with critics Dressed as Angels All i see is Camera Angles The city of angels But my algorithm Must have build new york for me, From consciousness or something Sometimes just apartment hunting is Simply avigation and, of course Expanding the map It's just a 3D phenomenon, But all I want is just a hug, You know No you don't know. I've been stuck at concentrical Stopped at Columbus Circle, and The harsher the winter, The fonder of the west I am The girls scream in the audience, I hiss “My sentiments exactly” My sentiments exactly. Keep them all away from me, I'll love them at a distance I only want the music, anyway I only want the music And the music is All anyone knows about her, really Even her mother Who loves her, But at a distance And the music is, The only think she knows, anymore Even the words are just Color that accents it. Holy shit, the early 2000's were corny af Right now is corny af. Yeah, i guess. LOOK AT THESE CREDITS: Oh my God. LOOK AT EM. OKAY, ALRIGHT. YOU DON'T THINK EVERY ONE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAS A SCREENPLAY IN THEIR BACK POCKET. What's a “Foley editor” NOBODY. Well he's in the credits. Yeah, but do you think even his mother is going to sit this long after the movie is over to see that guys name because he was a–what the fuck “A foley editor” What IS that. I don't know, Mr. Hollywood. Oh, right, I'm Mr. Hollywood. Well, not literally– Of course not. Wait, is that a thing. If it was, would I be it? [Super Nerdy Writer] I mean, you'd at least be the poster child. Okay, my turn. HI THERE, FACE HERE. *inconsolable screaming* Holy shit, the 90's was RAW. Okay, so your childhood is terrifying. Just wait till we get to the *More inconsolable screaming* Lol. Look. What up bro. It's Juggalos. lol . After a few days of layering m usual favorite isocronic tones, it appeared that someone or something elsewhere was attempting to made contact–and though I could't isolate which frequency exactly it was coming from, it usually came in the form of music or some other source, rather what was usually hidden in between th concentrated tones themselves–however, the music always seemed far away, so far awa that it sounded as if it was being played through a tin can, merely connected to another–my own ears–with a string. Woah. Yeah. Do you think it's aliens Probably. Or like, I don't know–some other humans with like, a radio tower or satellite, some shit. I don't know. Right. Lol. maybe you're the alien. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. We know you know where it is. I DO NOT. You're hiding it. HIDE! THAT THING?! So you do know what it is OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS: And it's RIDICULOUS you think i would be hiding it. BRFORR Quick! HIde! OKay. THAT THING IS ENORMOUS. Hm. Smaller. OK. I n I T I A T I N G S H R INkING SEQUEnCE In 5 Seven Bananas… FUCK, MAN. What's this dumb game. *takes shot* it IS dumb. You have to take a shot every time she eats a banana. Oh no. This is fucked up. *barfs* You wanna play? Nah, I'm good. Diplo. What. You have 57 children. *nods* Never look at me again. *hangs head* Go that way, with your children. Dillon Francis. Yes. You have 8 kids. )That's believable) Oh, wow. *You have 84 kids. WHAT! He has more kids than me! Yes. Astonishingly, however the same percentage of them are black. Go say hello. Uhh. Now: Wait, where are you going. The the auditorium. There's an auditorium? For what. AN ENORMOUS AUDITORIUM is filled to capacity with children of all ages, shapes, and sizes, colors, creeds, genders, and otherwise–but they all seem to have something quirkily in common. What the fuck. How does he have more kids than me?! Are you serious?! Whose kids are THESE. Mind your business. Let me guess. There's still busses pulling up. I know. And a helicopter! Oh, that's just the guest of honor. Are you serious. SKRILLEX thinks he is preforming a charity benefit concert. *landing on helipad* LOL OhGod. MEANWHRILE. Whats in here. NOTHING. Just GET IN THE BOX. NO. GET– NO IN THE BOX WElcome to Jack In The Box Welcome to Hack In the Crack–what are you hacking? Uhhh. Gimme three juicy squirtalicious tacos. Eugh Extra squirt. Gross! And uh– You want anything. I'm good. Suit yourself. Best tacos ever. __ Wait, hold on. “Wait what” I think i might be getting tired, or something. Right…tired, “or something.” Or something. RIght. *blow horn* * * * * * * * Do you ever get lonely. No. Oh… But it's safe to say, all I can think about sometimes is getting railed. Oh! Moving on. Watch this. *snipes* Nice. Now check it out, that's where she respawns. (from behind) Not always. Oh shit. *stop*camping* DOUBLE KILL. Nice. Fuck I hate this map. Fuck I hate this map. Would you shut up. You wanna see a world class superstar fall out of alignment? …no. Too bad. You're hired. …hired for what. You applied on indeed, right? Yeah, as a janitor. NO. You're a paparazzi, dressed as a janitor. What! Here's your camera. (it is a cheap disposable) Are you serious. You get any good pictures, we'll talk about a nikon. Can't I just use my iPhone? Depends. Do you want your iPhone smashed? …no. Then NO. … “The Bad Boys Of Hollywood” Prepare To Be Canceled the gathering of this ingenuine group of elites causes a frenzy and stir amongst the masses as they appear, cross-dimensionally to have been reborn into stardom, mysteriously gaining controversy and mass fandom, to which no bounds can be seen as to the unstartlingly political incorrectness. I'm gonna need you to do me a favor. What's that? Shut up Don't ever look at me again. If i could take my eyes out, I would. No, need–I can do it for you. Haha, charade you are. You're a disaster. That's your excuse. Yeah, what's yours? Under the indifferential circumstances– “ooh–lala” I'm not as partial to making excuses as –as to what? Kissing ass? Only cute ones. Let it settle in, way down below deck Where the honor rollers are, The high rollers, far above you You wanna know how long the ride is? Wanna know how far you've come If i could throw you overboard, I'd trust you Love is not enough The seas are rough An open wound A bleeding heart How right you are The tea is strong, Like solid gold A needle's bond With no remorse, The tithes are gone Upright, Upright To end, to End That's right, I said Just end it I said “Better me than him” Another dinner with a friend A fear for framework, Or indifference again In this selection or Collection, Bears and end to End And End to end Upright And End to End Upright And End to end I dont know, if i want to know you I dont love like I want to love but I watched him raise the dead, Just so he had a friend I don't know if you've been told, but I don't love like I want to love, and I often raise the dead, Just so i can have a friend To play with It's darker in here, Oh, It's sufferable So I just want to know I live in a haunted house With a cat and a mouse But the old cat's gone, now the mouse tends to travel a lot I've nothing to haunt, (I'm a ghost in Toronto) A car show, A hollow heart, A starving artist, A scar; Over her bottom lip she runs her tongue So it goes: The stars on his face remind her of him So it goes: We all want Out of body Out of Mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Why (Why-Why) Would you leave me to wake (Why) In a terrible world Without you in it (A M ercedes emblem to hang around my neck, It's very simple) I tried to settle on subtle saffron I tried to love you, Then I moved on Do you ever wonder about philosophy? Do you ever wonder if anyone's watching you Secretly? Do you ever dream of it? (I'm just a ghost in a mansion) I haven't even had breakfast I've practically been dead half a century I sold the whole eiffel tower on craigslist What a bargain! You started it! I'm not arguing. I lost that bet, you know. Clearly. Is it that obvious? How do you lose a bet to Dillon Francis? He lost the bet but won the race. Whatever that means Okay. Who the fuck wrote this. [No show of hands] Nobody?! Thats our GOD. That's your God. yes. I thought Beyonce was your God. That's what I just SAID. We must infiltrate. But how. That which binds up through time The chemical, physical and biological nature of love An exploration of the meaning of meaning 1st, Second, and Third Movement Nice, I finally get to use a didgeridoo And bagpipes! And my trumpet! That sounds more like a french horn Or a “Jimmy Fallon and The Impenetrable Ten” Well, not entirely Impenetrable *stabs with sword* KRISTEN SHAAL Woah. MAYA RUDOLPH (or whoever) Dang. TINA FEY (or whoever) (At least it wasn't me) Right. –all i'm sayin. Wait, who got stabbed? Whoever. Not Jimmy Fallon. No. His untimely death is later. How much later? I don't– __ Meanwhile Dillon, if you spend $20 on Magic, I'm going to kill you. Haha, If i spend $20 on magic,it's very likely someone else is going to kill me. So it's settled. $20 on Magic, please. Fair. Ooh. Is this getting close to the part where Yup. SHH. WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS THROUGH TIME. BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO BACKWARDS. No, it isn't. What. I Came into blank street Tryna see a [?!] all coffee No cream please Scream supacree But really you can't see me Can't take it to deep on w sweetie keyboard Feed me b Seymour Ain't tryna be gory Corey Hate to inform you I I'm stuck at the rock I'm stuck at the bottom Youre stuck at the top Fine! fuckin fuck Drew Barrymore, then! Work harder and more often Fuck love and whole foods cause they All Flashback music London … …. …… ………. Who else has seen this. Nobody, just us. We must burn this at once. I wholeheartedly agree. [Remarkably huge bonfire.] Did u make copies. ya . Ooh, that's cool. Very creative. Wow Nice. … … …. Have you seen this? No. Look at it. …ilikeit. Sensations of sadness Salacious arpeggios Arduous agressions Transitions– progressive Incendiary imagery Electric Synthesis Intentionally focused, configurative –Literally Skrillex. Ugh, that might be the last thing I ever write about him. Just shoot the nigga. Ooh, he's so cute. Keep him away from me. C'mon. Yo–I can't. Fine, i'll do it. *sighs indifferently* You could move a mountain; I could stop the tide In a flash; All at once It was a long, long drive I miss the coast (Or maybe, I just miss the sunshine) You could move a mountain Keep me from going insane (If I was inside, you'd) Keep me from going outside (if I was in, though, you'd) Keep me from going in, Under the circumstances I can't stand it, but I'm back from having summer standing under subtle waters Waiting for someone who Never shows up, so So Suffer no longer I wouldn't want to want you, if i wondered more about it At the surface, Or way under Nothing wants what nothing gets And noting gets nothing Anyways, so Here's for the abstract Stream of conscious Nothing moves mountains, but You could move mountains In a flash, and I turned the tide on I saw the tidal With my ghost And twelve apostles I've been waiting for Godot For so long I still think He might come Haha, what a charade We all are Huh I love you What was that? I've run off Huh I love you What was that? I've run off I finally fell out of love Look, I broke my own heart Sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I bite my lip, Fall into bed Maybe it's a hex Maybe it's a breakfast in bed kind of moment I've been waking up with someone, But going in the world alone, eh It's never run to remember where you've been After a binder You would think with so much in my system I'd have reached indifference, Well, didn't you I didn't yet, In fact, I'm still tying one one, With a friend At the moment Well perhaps, just perhaps, It might be time that I let you go then? Don't be so chauvinistic. Isn't this a barmitvah? Hasn't this been discussed at several other functions To no exact conclusions More Complications I could just FUCK, I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER. He says it's a pluck, But i see it's percussive If I could give less of a fuck Then I probably coudn't. Woah How many wishes I've granted This festival season How many shifts that I've written through Sitting on busses and subways Looking suspicious as ever and probably smelling atrocious. INT. BLINK FITNESS. …I'm not using that shower. I thought I'd be more employable After sorting some, But it seems as though The more there is The more there isn't And the deeper it gets –the number of spirits I've risen Since getting here Is steady rising It's no surprise I've got more friends that died Than have lived here. It's been a very long year But I fucked it off quickly I'll never listen to Skrillex again If you paid me, But i'll play it In my mixes Depending Fuck it, There my brain went Down the drain again I've been training over a year And i'm still not Kayla fit I'm sick of it I've been waiting for Godot Since the year that I wrote it I've been wearing these bracelets for years Still haven't seen frozen, So i can't let it go yet Oh shit. This is all a distraction The underground is massive Another Michaelangelo Anglo Saxon anonymous I want an erroneous daughter Or Androgynous, Whatever These prostitutes have Graduate degrees with honors All I ever was, Was a disappointment I got a smile like Madonna's But none of the love at all I got a back end like Beyonce's But just some of the talent “What's an ass for If i'm cellibate, anyhow?” I asked God, She said, “Eat A Taco” I just hope that's not a euphemism for lesbianism Not that i'm intolerant, it's just that The older I get The straighter I am, And dammit He's sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I write books, And mind my own business It's impossible to whitewash all of us But I love rock and roll Look: It's a S i T uATiO NA L C0MEDy. So?! SO, THIS IS THE SITUATION: I don't wanna do this. My heart's so broken I could hold it on chopsticks You ever wonder what love is I've forgotten I'm having a hard time holding it all in I'm an artist I've got colorful emotional troubles Others love it Lil biiiiiitttzzz Man, fuck new york. I was apartment hunting and I got off the train in midtown– Technically the upper west side, but, you know, Midtown So i get off the train and I get ready to cross the street: I'm like Oh, Awesome–Trader Joes; Maybe this is the right neighborhood So i gotta use the bathroom anyway, so I head towards trader joes And I see this like– Box of birds. No, not a cage. It was like–a bird box I'm like “what. Birds.” Not just birds, though, Colorful birds– Like, straight up parakeets. I'm like, “What. the fuck” Then, before I can even look up– This dude–I just see his leg, though, He just– kicks the box of birds. “what.” Like, towards me, and i'm like “Okay, alright.” Now i got a box of birds at my feet on this busy ass corner in midtown manhattan Adjacent to Trader Joes And I look up at the guy, who kicked the box of birds, And he has this bowl So I look at the guy, And I look at the bowl, And what's in the bowl. IT'S MORE BIRDS. “OH NO!' I say. Yes, I say this, out loud, in Midtown manhattan “Oh no!” Cause it's not just a bowl of birds It's a bowl of PIGEONS. Just kickin it, in this dudes bowl. I'm like “Oh no.” And then i cross into trader joes. “Yep, right neighborhood.” Alright, here's the plan. where did you come from. nowhere. someone shoot that lady. DILLON FRANCIS I'm your worst nightmare. Dillon Francis is everyone's worst nightmare: He's a good looking white dude with too much money. He's literally like 8 Billion People's worst nightmare. GET OUT OF HERE, COLONIZER. Oh, man. DILLON FRANCIS is trapped in the hood. Try being famous over here! Motherfucker! More on that later. Look, I don't even like you like that! That's okay—-but I still want to suck your cock and that's not gonna change. *hangs head* I'm am not ashamed. I just might watch porn in the morning. Come on, 6:30, roll the fuck around. Wait, Which one is the Brown eyed dillon francis. The one with brown eyes. He's the trustworthy one. Well good luck with that. (The one that doesn't exist.) I didn't take the train today; I thought I was going to jump Thought i'd better play it safe Filled up my shopping cart, Got everything I wanted Everything and more Might not look my best but At least I'm not gone Come on, six o clock I just want to be alone She's got the gift of gab Grew up two blocks from here In the ghetto I've heard it all before But love, my heart's so broken And you turn me on some I'm gonna smoke your seamen* out of a nektar collector. That shit is like crack to me. Oh no. Who is this about. I'll give you one guess. I don't have any guesses. It's five past Christ I just opened my eyelids And rolled back my mind I tried to find you, after all, didn't I I might have designed you (On second thought I did) I might need time (if I believed in it) can't apologize for being human, but I wear your eyes all over the world I wear the memories of many girls And many nights Suffer the consequences Sure, I've been subway surfing, wondering Wait, where was I again? I was almost, Almost a person There's so much to learn from And too much to learn here I've been fighting off demons, Fighting the feeling of Falling in love again But I can't fall in Cause I never fell out Afterward, I went past it And on to the next one I might double back though– To find that I hadn't quite left in the– To find that I hadn't quite left in the first place To find that we haven't quite met yet At least not the right way It's probably a lesson I might miss the lecture I've got other plans today Fuck, so it is Skrillex. Not really exactly. On second thought, at first glance Better illusion, than hypnotism But if I can't be like that Why be anything at all If not a model Or artist Brought it up at the wrong time (You would want her) I wasn't one for improper introductions Or impromptu arrangements There, there It's just getting better So better not whine about it I wake up in a pile full of rocks; I guess it's better than a puddle of blood, Cause nobody loves me I've been alone, not lonely And never alone as long as I like Cause they all just surround me Now I know what it's like to be famous Without all the money and glamour– Turns out, that's the part that alluring I'd better find out what I did this for In the next downpour I'll be soaked to my torso exactly Aren't you proud of me (not really) I learned to cope by narrowing down all my options As time rolled on I got worse at making up stories As it turns out I didn't have to make them up at all They were happening to me So truly and honestly All my job was to “Mark My Words” Said The God Quite astonishing literally But I got bored of running and still not looking like Kayla Lauren I wouldn't bring it up, except The photographic evidence was damaging At least Dillon Francis has no audacity as such Then again, —I've never even been on an album cover. There you have it I've been lusting over Several other Talented masters and Handsome disasters But matter of fact It just started with One random – Well, now that I think about it, if I haven't believed in coincidences Since this, Random is just as likely as foreign a concept As such Immaculate conception, This contraption At first glance, a sonogram Play it back, Caught in the act again Cause in the act again I'll probably make a list of Weird shit I want to do with him When I think of it in public (That's usually where it happens) And if anything is random –It's that. ILLUMINATI DREAMS: PART III Dillon Francis broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. That was cool. We were best friends and got along really well. Went hiking in a beautiful park with crystal clear water and gorgeous ruins— Fell in the water and got my phone wet but it was in an otter box. I felt guilty about his girlfriend a feared they would get back together— But he was over her and super loyal to me — It all started when I tried to crawl into a giant bed to give Sonny a blowjob: Sonny was sleeping alone and Dillon was sleeping with his girlfriend— Dillon decided he wanted the blowjob; I refused because I would not let him cheat on his girlfriend; So he broke it off with her— Sonny never woke up There was no blowjob but Dillon and I ended up together. Sonny disappeared like he never existed anyway. Dillon and I were happy together and never fought. We were very in love. It was just a dream but still good to see Dillon. It felt warm and good. Lmfao wtf is wrong with you SOMETHING, obviously. It made a difffetent sound from further away, and better yet, an actual sound up close—I had been enamored enough walking by to move towards the lights after I was sure that my laundry was as close to complete as possible, but — A clock stops me in my tracks A Starbucks cup not in the trash lies in the ground I love the sparkles On Rockaway boulevard, Making it harder to ponder The underworld, unnerved of the undeserving The servicemen and servers of the surface Boughroughs further than Manhattan At the center lil biiiiiitzzzzs — Bro, I love the cops in New York All the cops in the east are bar none top notch I'm not kidding I went to a show in Miami once and I was walking this really long walk between one part of the venue and another I will never forget this like, line of cops that were like along the path and every single one of them was model hot I'm not joking I'm almost wish I was because I couldn't help myself from looking That's not even the worst part! the worst part was, they were looking back at me! All of em! I was like: “what the fuck is going on with these cops?! “ V.O. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going cry– So instead of running two miles on the treadmill I went three– But I still wanted to punch something. So I lifted some. I've been worried i'll plateau at the benchpress, the more I keep running… But I don't care. I'd rather weighless, and have a man, Than keep lifting like this, And be a man. Sometimes I'm worried I might be turning into one. Sometimes, depending on the way I dress, I'm mistaken for one– Or at least– Give off an air of general confusion. But I don't mind. Not that much. I'm no naturally designed to attract the kind of men I like. It might take a bit of maintenance, But i'm determined to persist I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have been born a beautiful woman. But maybe, if i'm lucky, or if I try hard enough, I'll have an idea of what it's like to have become one. I'm counting my blessings. All of them. I'm saying my prayers. A lot. And I'm crossing my fingers– that the longer, harder, and faster I run, The closer I get to actually living. That is, To be loved. I wish I could take my eyes out and wash them wit soap. Oh. I wish i didn't know you existed; I wish I Didn't know how to love you God, I spoke to soon I opened up all of the wrong doors, I'm done for, You know, I'm not really good at nothing Nothing at all I wish i didn't know at all You were ever born; But there you are, a son of God, And I'm just rolling along, writing anthems, and carrying on as if everything happened at once But it hasn't Not yet, I'm still breaking my neck on the alter If you want blood I've got it Jump the broom, But watch your heart I've got a dagger full of them; You'd think i had it backwards, But that's the hard part If it were the other way around Oh But it's not No I don't want to love anyone, anymore, God Take me off of this rock Throw me head first overboard Push me in front of a bus; Or give me a heart attack I've had it harder before, But that was over there, I'm omnipresent. I could write forever to this (Ten years ago) I put the book with the devil on front Into my row A collection of noveelties An erection, selective To say the least But please, forgive me I'm veen on my knees And barely breathing, Let it simmer, Simmer down please settle, way below the belt Above you and Beyond this, But I'll never firget what you said (i love you) I'll nevr forget what you said And I'll never look back, dad And I'll never go back ther And I'll neve have blue eyes And I'll never have blonde hair And I'll never have white skin And I'll never be better At least not at this partl But maybe the other I'm just friendless I like it My security blanket The party i wasnt invited to My lies are compulsive; But not quite pathological But the girl was obnoxious And my spirit tyrannical I'm an animal But I pray a lot And used to fast as much Now that Ive been determined to be an deplorable Why not just kill myself? I'd be better off after With a kitchen, a shower I'd forget about money; Getting paid by the hour. I'd be better off anyway I need a vacation It was all in my head, anyway Then again, so is heaven Amen A…men A…men… It's a dangerous game we play But i'd rather not kill myself over you (Again) I'd rather not kill myself again I'd rather not kill myself Could be a coincidence But I doubt it, Since I don't believe in them But I could be getting my lines crossed My rum mixed with vodka And getting my ass whooped more often That's not a metaphor: I'm not a fighter It was metaphysical before, But now its atrocious This night'll be a lot longer If i remain hungry But I wanna look like Madonna! (minus, of course, the minor difference between us) I hadn't understood what an age gap meant, Until jumping it (hardee har har, that's a good one) I'm not even in my body right now; But i'm in my head Shut up, Becky! Isn't it bad enough, Your society? Fuck, I'm losing my mind Just not being blonde enough Or just not being wanted, or something (Loved) Playing the victim, But hey, At least i'm playing something! All these instruments are just too expensive I was just thinking how Photosensitive epilepsy and synestesia Might be deadly But I said “till death do us part” So i think that's what I need I thought my suicide ended it Now I'm in hell with him But I'd end it over and over again Just to be rid of him (yes, i'm serious) Fuck, man, Madonna's gonna kill— For Colored Girls Who've Completed Suicide: The Afterlife At The End of The Rainbow [An Inspiring Story] Had I exacted this science, For starters, On anyone else but A circle of stars, I forewarn you, I wouldn't be honored as such Just a disheartened philosopher, A nonpartisan biocentric; Listen, I'm learning my lessons and levels UGH, ARE YOU DONE YET. what. WE'RE STILL WAITING. huh? DRAKE BELL How long do i have to keep doing this for? ILLUMINATI Till the end DRAKE BELL Whens the end. ILLUMINATI When it is. Now even looking for something to watch became a writing assignment. *squinting* –and somehow, without even touching my mango, my keyboard was already sticky. *squinting even harder* –No… –No…(?) No. …No. Ugh! Try not to hold your breath. *holding breath/ attempting to block telepathy.* I told you, I need this. *attempt to block telepathy had failed* You don't need anything. *squinting exactly alike* The eyes really are windows… Maybe I should jump out then. –or jump in. dayumm . sike . Alright, I need something to take my mind off this project. How much acid did you put in the water. Enough Fuck, I hate my life. Which bottle is it in. [beat] All of them. *facepalm* Remarkable, what the love of a teenaged girl can do. I wouldn't quite call it that. I would. Don't be gross. I'm you. You're gross. Touche. I don't think we should be doing this. We shouldn't be. Ah come on! Now Johnny Depp? Nice. He's like 100 years old. Ah, to be young again. So wait. How the fuck exactly old is this lady. Really fucking old. Like, how old, though. Really, really fucking old. Okay, I have to talk to this Goddess. [She dances by] *gasp* Is that her?! Yeus. She's young again! It appears she has procured a body! Presumably! I must do the same! At once! At one! Lol who are these dudes. Just wait for it. Hurmph. Nrh. *sigh of deep frustration, facepalm* *falls into a deep unconscious of out sheer bewilderment* Oh good, they're here. Who's they? I don't know! Hm. Suhp. Nice rabbit hole. *shrugs nonscalontly* On telephone) She bought a what a Whole Foods Market? (In public, trying not to be heard) A penis shaped sweet potato. A WHAT? [Speak up] A– penis shaped sweet potato. A WH– A PENIS-SHAPED SWEET POTATO. (Everyone stops and stares) …it was delicious. Nice. I don't know Anymore What to do With myself I'm a mess On the Inside and out –wanna cry about it He's a rock and roll sex God I don't know What to think Anymore No, don't ask My opinion, It gets old Afterawhile, And after awhile I'll cry about it, but Right now, I've gotta get out of this Gotta get out! I gotta get out of this project. Well, how'd you get into it in the first place ? I don't know. I think i really tied one on at some party, I must have really been on one, i don't remember a thing. Ugh, what do you want. Listen, Ill make it quicK: It's bee quick. Do you have a deathclock on this guy, or what. Or what. That's all I want to know. Know what? When? When what? [Stopping] Are you serious. What. If i could tell you “when” then it wouldn't be a deathclock, would it. MAybe it's not. Yeah, I wish. Hey! wishes get granted– –I said that. –You said that. Look– Don't touch me. Sorry. No you're not. –if you can't give me the when–at least give me the how. Oh, the “How” Yeah. You want the “How” Just–yes. If i can't give you the “when”, what exactly makes you think I can give you the “How” Well, do you know how? You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. Well. Okay. “Okay”? I'm not a human being. Oh, right. UGH. I can't spend another minute with that WOMAN. Well, that's your grandmother, so Great-great– Whatever. You exist because she exists. Existed. She was dead before I was born! Actually, that's not true. Beg your pardon. …Ever had your palm read before. All of your kids– “kids “ Read: Lovechildren. Ahem. Are in this room And– Fuck that I'm not writing this scene, It wouldn't be the most horrible thing you'd ever written. No, but it's one of the most horrible things i've ever thought about, Is that so? No! It's funny but– But what? It's the fact I even thought about it that scares me. What is UP. What IS up? Have you ever thought about dating a writer? No. Aw, come on… Actually yes–once Once is all I need! Not you. Daww… I dated a writer once in college. What, really? Really. But that was in college. I was in college. He was a writer. Oh, that's hot. Not Exactly. He worked for Disney. Wait–he what? Hm. I almost forgot about that. DISNEY We didn't [simultaneously] MICKEY MOUSE I didn't. Well, what happened. Nothing, really. He was great. The only problem was… Flashback: Wait, you're 17. SEVENTEEN?? What's th difference! A YEAR! *purses lips* …or like, a couple months… *face* …or like–midnight on your birthday! *squints* But not 17! *shrugs* Hollywood Is Hollywood. Well, New Hollywood is a whole different story What's “New Hollywood?” My level is indifference, Benevolence, inward violence Ending obsessions and arrangements, Incessant sexual repression, Exponential explanations –Of the world i've never lived in, but created, apparently. Now, i”m unhinged Haven't made a decision on whether I should just binger, or Find a new mister, Or end it I'm still sitting Stuck on ‘concentrical' Now I'm unhinged And it's just been a minute I haven't mentioned his name in a minute, but I should stay clear, is it Everclear or Here, son, Just have another bottle Now i'm not stuck on Nothing and no one I cant even see movies anymore All i see is actors, All i hear is conversations I've already written in Closed conversations with critics Dressed as Angels All i see is Camera Angles The city of angels But my algorithm Must have build new york for me, From consciousness or something Sometimes just apartment hunting is Simply avigation and, of course Expanding the map It's just a 3D phenomenon, But all I want is just a hug, You know No you don't know. I've been stuck at concentrical Stopped at Columbus Circle, and The harsher the winter, The fonder of the west I am The girls scream in the audience, I hiss “My sentiments exactly” My sentiments exactly. Keep them all away from me, I'll love them at a distance I only want the music, anyway I only want the music And the music is All anyone knows about her, really Even her mother Who loves her, But at a distance And the music is, The only think she knows, anymore Even the words are just Color that accents it. Holy shit, the early 2000's were corny af Right now is corny af. Yeah, i guess. LOOK AT THESE CREDITS: Oh my God. LOOK AT EM. OKAY, ALRIGHT. YOU DON'T THINK EVERY ONE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAS A SCREENPLAY IN THEIR BACK POCKET. What's a “Foley editor” NOBODY. Well he's in the credits. Yeah, but do you think even his mother is going to sit this long after the movie is over to see that guys name because he was a–what the fuck “A foley editor” What IS that. I don't know, Mr. Hollywood. Oh, right, I'm Mr. Hollywood. Well, not literally– Of course not. Wait, is that a thing. If it was, would I be it? [Super Nerdy Writer] I mean, you'd at least be the poster child. Okay, my turn. HI THERE, FACE HERE. *inconsolable screaming* Holy shit, the 90's was RAW. Okay, so your childhood is terrifying. Just wait till we get to the *More inconsolable screaming* Lol. Look. What up bro. It's Juggalos. lol . After a few days of layering m usual favorite isocronic tones, it appeared that someone or something elsewhere was attempting to made contact–and though I could't isolate which frequency exactly it was coming from, it usually came in the form of music or some other source, rather what was usually hidden in between th concentrated tones themselves–however, the music always seemed far away, so far awa that it sounded as if it was being played through a tin can, merely connected to another–my own ears–with a string. Woah. Yeah. Do you think it's aliens Probably. Or like, I don't know–some other humans with like, a radio tower or satellite, some shit. I don't know. Right. Lol. maybe you're the alien. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. We know you know where it is. I DO NOT. You're hiding it. HIDE! THAT THING?! So you do know what it is OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS: And it's RIDICULOUS you think i would be hiding it. BRFORR Quick! HIde! OKay. THAT THING IS ENORMOUS. Hm. Smaller. OK. I n I T I A T I N G S H R INkING SEQUEnCE In 5 Seven Bananas… FUCK, MAN. What's this dumb game. *takes shot* it IS dumb. You have to take a shot every time she eats a banana. Oh no. This is fucked up. *barfs* You wanna play? Nah, I'm good. Diplo. What. You have 57 children. *nods* Never look at me again. *hangs head* Go that way, with your children. Dillon Francis. Yes. You have 8 kids. )That's believable) Oh, wow. *You have 84 kids. WHAT! He has more kids than me! Yes. Astonishingly, however the same percentage of them are black. Go say hello. Uhh. Now: Wait, where are you going. The the auditorium. There's an auditorium? For what. AN ENORMOUS AUDITORIUM is filled to capacity with children of all ages, shapes, and sizes, colors, creeds, genders, and otherwise–but they all seem to have something quirkily in common. What the fuck. How does he have more kids than me?! Are you serious?! Whose kids are THESE. Mind your business. Let me guess. There's still busses pulling up. I know. And a helicopter! Oh, that's just the guest of honor. Are you serious. SKRILLEX thinks he is preforming a charity benefit concert. *landing on helipad* LOL OhGod. MEANWHRILE. Whats in here. NOTHING. Just GET IN THE BOX. NO. GET– NO IN THE BOX WElcome to Jack In The Box Welcome to Hack In the Crack–what are you hacking? Uhhh. Gimme three juicy squirtalicious tacos. Eugh Extra squirt. Gross! And uh– You want anything. I'm good. Suit yourself. Best tacos ever. __ Wait, hold on. “Wait what” I think i might be getting tired, or something. Right…tired, “or something.” Or something. RIght. *blow horn* * * * * * * * Do you ever get lonely. No. Oh… But it's safe to say, all I can think about sometimes is getting railed. Oh! Moving on. Watch this. *snipes* Nice. Now check it out, that's where she respawns. (from behind) Not always. Oh shit. *stop*camping* DOUBLE KILL. Nice. Fuck I hate this map. Fuck I hate this map. Would you shut up. You wanna see a world class superstar fall out of alignment? …no. Too bad. You're hired. …hired for what. You applied on indeed, right? Yeah, as a janitor. NO. You're a paparazzi, dressed as a janitor. What! Here's your camera. (it is a cheap disposable) Are you serious. You get any good pictures, we'll talk about a nikon. Can't I just use my iPhone? Depends. Do you want your iPhone smashed? …no. Then NO. … “The Bad Boys Of Hollywood” Prepare To Be Canceled the gathering of this ingenuine group of elites causes a frenzy and stir amongst the masses as they appear, cross-dimensionally to have been reborn into stardom, mysteriously gaining controversy and mass fandom, to which no bounds can be seen as to the unstartlingly political incorrectness. I'm gonna need you to do me a favor. What's that? Shut up Don't ever look at me again. If i could take my eyes out, I would. No, need–I can do it for you. Haha, charade you are. You're a disaster. That's your excuse. Yeah, what's yours? Under the indifferential circumstances– “ooh–lala” I'm not as partial to making excuses as –as to what? Kissing ass? Only cute ones. Let it settle in, way down below deck Where the honor rollers are, The high rollers, far above you You wanna know how long the ride is? Wanna know how far you've come If i could throw you overboard, I'd trust you Love is not enough The seas are rough An open wound A bleeding heart How right you are The tea is strong, Like solid gold A needle's bond With no remorse, The tithes are gone Upright, Upright To end, to End That's right, I said Just end it I said “Better me than him” Another dinner with a friend A fear for framework, Or indifference again In this selection or Collection, Bears and end to End And End to end Upright And End to End Upright And End to end I dont know, if i want to know you I dont love like I want to love but I watched him raise the dead, Just so he had a friend I don't know if you've been told, but I don't love like I want to love, and I often raise the dead, Just so i can have a friend To play with It's darker in here, Oh, It's sufferable So I just want to know I live in a haunted house With a cat and a mouse But the old cat's gone, now the mouse tends to travel a lot I've nothing to haunt, (I'm a ghost in Toronto) A car show, A hollow heart, A starving artist, A scar; Over her bottom lip she runs her tongue So it goes: The stars on his face remind her of him So it goes: We all want Out of body Out of Mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Out of body Out of mind Out of soul Why (Why-Why) Would you leave me to wake (Why) In a terrible world Without you in it (A M ercedes emblem to hang around my neck, It's very simple) I tried to settle on subtle saffron I tried to love you, Then I moved on Do you ever wonder about philosophy? Do you ever wonder if anyone's watching you Secretly? Do you ever dream of it? (I'm just a ghost in a mansion) I haven't even had breakfast I've practically been dead half a century I sold the whole eiffel tower on craigslist What a bargain! You started it! I'm not arguing. I lost that bet, you know. Clearly. Is it that obvious? How do you lose a bet to Dillon Francis? He lost the bet but won the race. Whatever that means Okay. Who the fuck wrote this. [No show of hands] Nobody?! Thats our GOD. That's your God. yes. I thought Beyonce was your God. That's what I just SAID. We must infiltrate. But how. That which binds up through time The chemical, physical and biological nature of love An exploration of the meaning of meaning 1st, Second, and Third Movement Nice, I finally get to use a didgeridoo And bagpipes! And my trumpet! That sounds more like a french horn Or a Jimmy Fallon and The Impenetrable Ten Well, not entirely Impenetrable *stabs with sword* KRISTEN SHAAL Woah. MAYA RUDOLPH (or whoever) Dang. TINA FEY (or whoever) (At least it wasn't me) Right. –all i'm sayin. Wait, who got stabbed? Whoever. Not Jimmy Fallon. No. His untimely death is later. How much later? I don't– __ Meanwhile Dillon, if you spend $20 on Magic, I'm going to kill you. Haha, If i spend $20 on magic,it's very likely someone else is going to kill me. So it's settled. $20 on Magic, please. Fair. Ooh. Is this getting close to the part where Yup. SHH. WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS THROUGH TIME. BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO BACKWARDS. No, it isn't. What. I Came into blank street Tryna see a [?!] all coffee No cream please Scream supacree But really you can't see me Can't take it to deep on w sweetie keyboard Feed me b Seymour Ain't tryna be gory Corey Hate to inform you I I'm stuck at the rock I'm stuck at the bottom Youre stuck at the top Fine! fuckin fuck Drew Barrymore, then! Work harder and more often Fuck love and whole foods cause they All Flashback music London … …. …… ………. Who else has seen this. Nobody, just us. We must burn this at once. I wholeheartedly agree. [Remarkably huge bonfire.] Did u make copies. ya . Ooh, that's cool. Very creative. Wow Nice. … … …. Have you seen this? No. Look at it. …ilikeit. Sensations of sadness Salacious arpeggios Arduous agressions Transitions– progressive Incendiary imagery Electric Synthesis Intentionally focused, configurative –Literally Skrillex. Ugh, that might be the last thing I ever write about him. Just shoot the nigga. Ooh, he's so cute. Keep him away from me. C'mon. Yo–I can't. Fine, i'll do it. *sighs indifferently* You could move a mountain; I could stop the tide In a flash; All at once It was a long, long drive I miss the coast (Or maybe, I just miss the sunshine) You could move a mountain Keep me from going insane (If I was inside, you'd) Keep me from going outside (if I was in, though, you'd) Keep me from going in, Under the circumstances I can't stand it, but I'm back from having summer standing under subtle waters Waiting for someone who Never shows up, so So Suffer no longer I wouldn't want to want you, if i wondered more about it At the surface, Or way under Nothing wants what nothing gets And noting gets nothing Anyways, so Here's for the abstract Stream of conscious Nothing moves mountains, but You could move mountains In a flash, and I turned the tide on I saw the tidal With my ghost And twelve apostles I've been waiting for Godot For so long I still think He might come Haha, what a charade We all are Huh I love you What was that? I've run off Huh I love you What was that? I've run off I finally fell out of love Look, I broke my own heart Sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I bite my lip, Fall into bed Maybe it's a hex Maybe it's a breakfast in bed kind of moment I've been waking up with someone, But going in the world alone, eh It's never run to remember where you've been After a binder You would think with so much in my system I'd have reached indifference, Well, didn't you I didn't yet, In fact, I'm still tying one one, With a friend At the moment Well perhaps, just perhaps, It might be time that I let you go then? Don't be so chauvinistic. Isn't this a barmitvah? Hasn't this been discussed at several other functions To no exact conclusions More Complications I could just FUCK, I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER. He says it's a pluck, But i see it's percussive If I could give less of a fuck Then I probably coudn't. Woah How many wishes I've granted This festival season How many shifts that I've written through Sitting on busses and subways Looking suspicious as ever and probably smelling atrocious. INT. BLINK FITNESS. …I'm not using that shower. I thought I'd be more employable After sorting some, But it seems as though The more there is The more there isn't And the deeper it gets –the number of spirits I've risen Since getting here Is steady rising It's no surprise I've got more friends that died Than have lived here. It's been a very long year But I fucked it off quickly I'll never listen to Skrillex again If you paid me, But i'll play it In my mixes Depending Fuck it, There my brain went Down the drain again I've been training over a year And i'm still not Kayla fit I'm sick of it I've been waiting for Godot Since the year that I wrote it I've been wearing these bracelets for years Still haven't seen frozen, So i can't let it go yet Oh shit. This is all a distraction The underground is massive Another Michaelangelo Anglo Saxon anonymous I want an erroneous daughter Or Androgynous, Whatever These prostitutes have Graduate degrees with honors All I ever was, Was a disappointment I got a smile like Madonna's But none of the love at all I got a back end like Beyonce's But just some of the talent “What's an ass for If i'm cellibate, anyhow?” I asked God, She said, “Eat A Taco” I just hope that's not a euphemism for lesbianism Not that i'm intolerant, it's just that The older I get The straighter I am, And dammit He's sharp as a tack Straight as a whip I write books, And mind my own business It's impossible to whitewash all of us But I love rock and roll Look: It's a S i T uATiO NA L C0MEDy. So?! SO, THIS IS THE SITUATION: I don't wanna do this. My heart's so broken I could hold it on chopsticks You ever wonder what love is I've forgotten I'm having a hard time holding it all in I'm an artist I've got colorful emotional troubles Others love it Lil biiiiiitttzzz Man, fuck new york. I was apartment hunting and I got off the train in midtown– Technically the upper west side, but, you know, Midtown So i get off the train and I get ready to cross the street: I'm like Oh, Awesome–Trader Joes; Maybe this is the right neighborhood So i gotta use the bathroom anyway, so I head towards trader joes And I see this like– Box of birds. No, not a cage. It was like–a bird box I'm like “what. Birds.” Not just birds, though, Colorful birds– Like, straight up parakeets. I'm like, “What. the fuck” Then, before I can even look up– This dude–I just see his leg, though, He just– kicks the box of birds. “what.” Like, towards me, and i'm like “Okay, alright.” Now i got a box of birds at my feet on this busy ass corner in midtown manhattan Adjacent to Trader Joes And I look up at the guy, who kicked the box of birds, And he has this bowl So I look at the guy, And I look at the bowl, And what's in the bowl. IT'S MORE BIRDS. “OH NO!' I say. Yes, I say this, out loud, in Midtown manhattan “Oh no!” Cause it's not just a bowl of birds It's a bowl of PIGEONS. Just kickin it, in this dudes bowl. I'm like “Oh no.” And then i cross into trader joes. “Yep, right neighborhood.” Alright, here's the plan. where did you come from. nowhere. someone shoot that lady. DILLON FRANCIS I'm your worst nightmare. Dillon Francis is everyone's worst nightmare: He's a good looking white dude with too much money. He's literally like 8 Billion People's worst nightmare. GET OUT OF HERE, COLONIZER. Oh, man. DILLON FRANCIS is trapped in the hood. Try being famous over here! Motherfucker! More on that later. Look, I don't even like you like that! That's okay—-but I still want to suck your cock and that's not gonna change. *hangs head* I'm am not ashamed. I just might watch porn in the morning. Come on, 6:30, roll the fuck around. Wait, Which one is the Brown eyed dillon francis. The one with brown eyes. He's the trustworthy one. Well good luck with that. (The one that doesn't exist.) I didn't take the train today; I thought I was going to jump Thought i'd better play it safe Filled up my shopping cart, Got everything I wanted Everything and more Might not look my best but At least I'm not gone Come on, six o clock I just want to be alone She's got the gift of gab Grew up two blocks from here In the ghetto I've heard it all before But love, my heart's so broken And you turn me on some I'm gonna smoke your seamen* out of a nektar collector. That shit is like crack to me. Oh no. Who is this about. I'll give you one guess. I don't have any guesses. It's five past Christ I just opened my eyelids And rolled back my mind I tried to find you, after all, didn't I I might have designed you (On second thought I did) I might need time (if I believed in it) can't apologize for being human, but I wear your eyes all over the world I wear the memories of many girls And many nights Suffer the consequences Sure, I've been subway surfing, wondering Wait, where was I again? I was almost, Almost a person There's so much to learn from And too much to learn here I've been fighting off demons, Fighting the feeling of Falling in love again But I can't fall in Cause I never fell out Afterward, I went past it And on to the next one I might double back though– To find that I hadn't quite left in the– To find that I hadn't quite left in the first place To find that we haven't quite met yet At least not the right way It's probably a lesson I might miss the lecture I've got other plans today Fuck, so it is Skrillex. Not really exactly. On second thought, at first glance Better illusion, than hypnotism But if I can't be like that Why be anything at all If not a model Or artist Brought it up at the wrong time (You would want her) I wasn't one for improper introductions Or impromptu arrangements There, there It's just getting better So better not whine about it I wake up in a pile full of rocks; I guess it's better than a puddle of blood, Cause nobody loves me I've been alone, not lonely And never alone as long as I like Cause they all just surround me Now I know what it's like to be famous Without all the money and glamour– Turns out, that's the part that alluring I'd better find out what I did this for In the next downpour I'll be soaked to my torso exactly Aren't you proud of me (not really) I learned to cope by narrowing down all my options As time rolled on I got worse at making up stories As it turns out I didn't have to make them up at all They were happening to me So truly and honestly All my job was to “Mark My Words” Said The God Quite astonishing literally But I got bored of running and still not looking like Kayla Lauren I wouldn't bring it up, except The photographic evidence was damaging At least Dillon Francis has no audacity as such Then again, —I've never even been on an album cover. There you have it I've been lusting over Several other Talented masters and Handsome disasters But matter of fact It just started with One random – Well, now that I think about it, if I haven't believed in coincidences Since this, Random is just as likely as foreign a concept As such Immaculate conception, This contraption At first glance, a sonogram Play it back, Caught in the act again Cause in the act again I'll probably make a list of Weird shit I want to do with him When I think of it in public (That's usually where it happens) And if anything is random –It's that. ILLUMINATI DREAMS: PART III Dillon Francis broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. That was cool. We were best friends and got along really well. Went hiking in a beautiful park with crystal clear water and gorgeous ruins— Fell in the water and got my phone wet but it was in an otter box. I felt guilty about his girlfriend a feared they would get back together— But he was over her and super loyal to me — It all started when I tried to crawl into a giant bed to give Sonny a blowjob: Sonny was sleeping alone and Dillon was sleeping with his girlfriend— Dillon decided he wanted the blowjob; I refused because I would not let him cheat on his girlfriend; So he broke it off with her— Sonny never woke up There was no blowjob but Dillon and I ended up together. Sonny disappeared like he never existed anyway. Dillon and I were happy together and never fought. We were very in love. It was just a dream but still good to see Dillon. It felt warm and good. Lmfao wtf is wrong with you SOMETHING, obviously. It made a difffetent sound from further away, and better yet, an actual sound up close—I had been enamored enough walking by to move towards the lights after I was sure that my laundry was as close to complete as possible, but — A clock stops me in my tracks A Starbucks cup not in the trash lies in the ground I love the sparkles On Rockaway boulevard, Making it harder to ponder The underworld, unnerved of the undeserving The servicemen and servers of the surface Boughroughs further than Manhattan At the center lil biiiiiitzzzzs — Bro, I love the cops in New York All the cops in the east are bar none top notch I'm not kidding I went to a show in Miami once and I was walking this really long walk between one part of the venue and another I will never forget this like, line of cops that were like along the path and every single one of them was model hot I'm not joking I'm almost wish I was because I couldn't help myself from looking That's not even the worst part! the worst part was, they were looking back at me! All of em! I was like: “what the fuck is going on with these cops?! “ V.O. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going cry– So instead of running two miles on the treadmill I went three– But I still wanted to punch something. So I lifted some. I've been worried i'll plateau at the benchpress, the more I keep running… But I don't care. I'd rather weighless, and have a man, Than keep lifting like this, And be a man. Sometimes I'm worried I might be turning into one. Sometimes, depending on the way I dress, I'm mistaken for one– Or at least– Give off an air of general confusion. But I don't mind. Not that much. I'm no naturally designed to attract the kind of men I like. It might take a bit of maintenance, But i'm determined to persist I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have been born a beautiful woman. But maybe, if i'm lu

This week Lee sits down with one of his oldest friends musician, campaigner and producer Eve Horne and they talk about toxic relationships and the impact it had on their mental health and the different ways they navigated their way through coming out and how they found eventually found their purpose. Eve can be found on instagram @eve_horne @peakmusicuk @weare_theunheard Lee can be found on instagram @leeandersoncoaching www.leeandersoncoaching.com If you've been affected by any of the issues mentioned in any of the episodes, you may find these organisations helpful; Mind Charity, Samaritans, NHS Mental Health, Papyrus, Crus Bereavement, Victim support, Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, London friend, MindOut, LBGTIQ OutRight Music credit 'check it out' by Mountaineer If you would like to share your story email lee@leeandersoncoaching.com

Danny Baker talks about his journey into boxing as a trans man, how boxing helped him get away from his old lifestyle and with his mental health, the importance that Holloway Prison played in that journey, and finding light at the end of the tunnel. This podcast is also available as a video – just search Life After Prison on YouTube. Useful organisations: Akt St Giles Daddyless Daughters Bent Bars Project Gendered Intelligence – 0330 355 9678 Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline – 0300 330 0630 Galop – 0800 999 5428 Spectra – 0800 587 8302 MindOut – 01273 234 839 Not a Phase Contact us: If anything you've heard in this podcast has inspired you to make a positive change in your life, or you'd just like to get in touch, please contact us.

"Just because someone is LGBTQ, does not mean that they will have a mental health issue. What it means is that, as communities, we are more likely to experience mental health issues because of the various positions that we're faced with."In this episode of FinTech's DEI Discussions,  Erica Thornton, COO of our charity partner, MindOut— LGBTQ mental health service, joins the conversation to shed light on the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community in the workplace.The discussion covers MindOut's mission, the prevalence of mental health issues within the LGBTQ+ community, and the vital role played by organisations in fostering inclusivity. Erica shares insights on both significant and subtle ways companies can create LGBTQ+-friendly workplaces and emphasises the importance of supporting our LGBTQ+ colleagues year-round. The episode also delves into the employee experience, offering valuable perspectives for organisations aiming to attract diverse talent. For those interested in supporting MindOut, Erica provides information on volunteering opportunities and ways to get involved in fundraising. We are always encouraging our listeners to #WalkTheTalk and are proud to be doing the same. That's why we are proud to be MindOut's charity partner year-round. To find out more about the charity and how you can help, visit their website here.

THE WEDDING PRESENT - My Favourite Dress (George Best) 1987THE SMITHS - Hand In Glove (Singles) 1984THE SERVANTS - Meredith (single) 1985STONE ROSES - Made of Stone (s/t) 1989THE REPLACEMENTS - Left of the Dial (Tim) 1985X - The Once Over Twice (Wild Gift) 1981THE YANKS - Run (Made in the States EP) 1983DREAM SYNDICATE - Forest for the Trees (Out of the Grey) 1986DUMPTRUCK - Walk Into Mirrors (Positively Dumptruck) 1986ABECEDARIANS - Dinner (Resin) 1987TWICE A MAN - Sense (single) 1982THE BOLSHOI - Someone's Daughter (Friends) 1986MODELS - King of Kings (Out of Mind Out of Sight) 1985LENE LOVICH - Bird Song (single) 1980

On this episode of FIVE - Life through our Senses, we have Ahodan, who bravely shares his story of a traumatic homophobic attack in 2021 in Liverpool. After the incident, Aodhán had the opportunity to teach in Dubai, where he has been for the last two years. He opens up about his journey since quitting drinking, and how he is still navigating his place in the LGBTQ+ community. Aodhán used alcohol to fit in and act bubbly, and by letting go of it, he has had to look within to learn who he really is. Tune in as Aodhán shares his story of self-discovery and his experience of not drinking. If you are struggling with your mental health, or if you identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community, then please reach out for help. Talking to someone can make a huge difference. I have provided a link to a charity below that can provide the support you need. We spoke about his favourite sense of taste and what it goes well with, you will NEVER guess what it is. I really enjoyed talking to him and I'm grateful for his honesty and openness. Link to MindOut https://mindout.org.uk/about-us/ National Helpline for LGBT+ Victims and Survivors of Abuse and Violence 0800 999 5428 Email help@galop.org.uk

Topics discussed/Key wordsAccessibility for disabilityAnxietyStarting in the music industryInaccessible apps/websitesAccessibility for gigs#preciousperez #jakeferretti #podcast #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #musician #braille #singer #songwriter #musicindustry #disability #disabled #latina #disabilityadvocate #bornblind #retinopathyofprematurity #blindness #blind #artist #advocacy #anxiety #depression #discrimination #poc #author #tiktok #audition #faith #ableism #accessibility #visibility #americansignlanguage #puertorican #hozier  MentionsJake Ferretti - https://twitter.com/Jake_FerrettiMy Sh**ty Actor Boyfriend - https://twitter.com/ActorShitty Precious Perez (twitter) - https://twitter.com/pulyperez1 Precious Perez (website) - https://preciousperezmusica.com/ RAMPD (Recording Artists and Music Professional with Disabilities) - https://rampd.org/ Retinopathy of Prematurity - https://www.nei.nih.gov/learn-about-eye-health/eye-conditions-and-diseases/retinopathy-prematurity Berklee College - https://twitter.com/BerkleeCollege Lachi - https://rampd.org/profile/lachiASL Connect (American Sign Language) - https://twitter.com/aslconnectThe Adventures of Chocolate - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59457918-the-adventures-of-chocolate Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.orgCALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) - https://www.thecalmzone.net/ MIND - https://www.mind.org.uk/ MIND OUT - https://mindout.org.uk/ 

Topics discussed/Key word#rosieholt #jakeferretti #podcast #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #comedian #pileons #news #parody #opinion #tribalism #debate #actor #burnout #brexit #empathy #industry #anxiety #depression #beingoutofcontrol #antidepressants #comedy #justletusknow #selftape #audition Pressures of TwitterOnline abuseJake Ferretti - https://twitter.com/Jake_FerrettiMy Sh**ty Actor Boyfriend - https://twitter.com/ActorShitty Rosie Holt - https://twitter.com/RosieisaHoltRosie's Website - https://www.rosieholt.co.uk/  Jessie Burton - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessie_Burton Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.orgCALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) - https://www.thecalmzone.net/ MIND - https://www.mind.org.uk/ MIND OUT - https://mindout.org.uk/ 

Topics discussed/Key wordsLosing a child to suicideCoercive controlDepressionMentions#avavidal #jakeferretti #podcast #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #comedian #journalist #suicide #coercion #depression #goingtothegym #eating #drinking #unhealthy #daughter #suicide #legal #sexwork #bbc #pointless #selfemployed #socialexpectation #aggression #sweetbobby #blackcommunity #shanewarne #rolandgift #edinburgh #festivalSamaritans - https://www.samaritans.orgCALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) - https://www.thecalmzone.net/ MIND - https://www.mind.org.uk/ MIND OUT - https://mindout.org.uk/ Jake Ferretti - https://twitter.com/Jake_FerrettiMy Sh**ty Actor Boyfriend - https://twitter.com/ActorShitty Ava Vidal - https://twitter.com/thetwerkinggirl Sweet Bobby podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/sweet-bobby/id1590561275 

We have faith in Knock at the Cabin plus we also discuss AMC's new tiered seating strategy and talk The Pale Blue Eye, Out of Mind Out of Sight, Used Cars and The Last of Us. 0:00 - Intro: Preferred Seating in Movie Theatres 19:40 - Review: Knock at the Cabin 45:35 - Other Stuff We Watched: Tár, Out of Mind Out of Sight, The Pale Blue Eye, Used Cars, The Last of Us, Atlanta: Season 4, Paul T. Goldman 1:05:40 - This Week on DVD, Blu-ray and VOD 1:10:45 - Outro 1:11:25 - Spoiler Discussion: Knock at the Cabin

In this special 3 part episode, you'll hear Kathleen and her eldest Remi covering the topics of addiction, recovery, repression and gender identity in a moving and raw conversation. It is based around their own personal experiences of the last few years - a family supporting each other through a time of change and heartache towards hope, discovery and joy. Please note, this conversation could be triggering for some listeners and contains themes of suicide, self harm, drug & alcohol abuse, depression and gender dysphoria. Music and editing by Remi. More information about Kathleen at www.kathleenkettles.com ________________________ The book Kathleen mentions in the episode is ‘The Beginner's Guide to Being a Trans Ally' by Christy Whittlesey https://amzn.eu/d/3Vg7HwA If you have been affected by the topics in this episode, you can find more support from the following organisations: Addiction AA helpline 0800 9177 650 www.alcoholics-anonymouse.org.uk NA helpline 0300 999 1212 www.ukna.org NHS (UK) https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/addiction-support/ https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support/ Mental Health Mind - the mental health charity (UK) https://www.mind.org.uk/ MindOut - mental health charity run by and for LGBTQIA2+ people www.mindout.org.uk (UK) Gender Spectra (London) https://spectra-london.org.uk/trans-services/ Gendered intelligence (London)- counselling directory, resources, training https://genderedintelligence.co.uk/ Scottish Trans Alliance: community action, resources, training www.scottishtrans.org LGBTQIA2+ Stonewall - resources, advice, signposting, community, campaigning www.stonewall.org MindOut - mental health charity run by and for LGBTQIA2+ people www.mindout.org.uk

Daring to be different I chat with Claire Summerskill, a writer, comedian, a singer-song-writer and an academic. She performs one-woman comedy shows and tours internationally. Currently she is on tour with her latest show, ‘I've Been Clare Summerskill' She's termed 'The Lesbian Victoria Wood' by Radio 4 Woman's Hour. Patron of several LGBTQ organisations including Kenric, London Gay Symphony Orchestra, The East London Out Project, MindOut, and Educate & Celebrate. We discuss comedy legends Victoria Wood, Lilly Tomlin and Joyce Grenfell, challenges for LGBTQ assylum seekers, mental health, LGBTQ history and hear some of Clare's songs and ballads. Welcome to the Sam Grierson interview series, chatting to change makers who have Dared to Be Different and stand up and speak out. We discuss social change that has occurred over the last 30 years, how language has evolved and is evolving and how we still have more work to do. I am interested to look at the role that the Arts play, to both inspire, provoke, educate and support social change. Actors, Singers, Members of Parliament, Artists, Authors, Activists, and Entrepreneurs who all dare… Sam Grierson interviews… Daring to be different… Graphics by Poke Marketing, Podcast Sound Engineering & Editing by Rose Hill, Photography by Claire Brown Disclaimer: This podcast is for private non-commercial use and the guests and their views do not necessarily reflect any agency or organisation or company that they work for and by no means represent absolute facts. Opinions expressed by the host and guests can change at any time. Listeners acknowledge that they are not being provided professional advice from this podcast or the guests. Trigger Warning: This podcast episode may, at times, cover sensitive topics including but not limited to LGBT+ Coming out, LGBT+ themes, mental health issues, Hate Crime, Homophobia, Biphobia, Transphobia, Feminism. You are advised to refrain from listening if you are likely to be offended or adversely impacted by any of these topics.

It's a feel-good episode, even if you have to find out about Leah's nightmare disorder. Meantime, Eydie will no longer be ignoring scary noises and leaks in her van, and you're going to hear what we are happy about. Bonus? You can also hear some listeners to the pod share what they're feeling good about! More From Us: We'd love for you to join us at the Chit Chat Coop on FaceBook and respond to this week's challenge. It's a fun place to come for loads of positive energy and encouragement to live your best lives. Eydie is a collage artist who has a greeting card company: Prairie Girl Etsy Site. Check it out - new cards are on their way! Here are our individual blogs: Eydie's is: littleranchhouseintheprairie.blogspot.com Leah's is: newstarteveryday.blogspot.com You can also follow us on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/2chitchatchicks/ Recommendations: Out of my Mind/Out of My Heart The Morning Show on Apple TV/And Just Like That coming out on HBO Max Rishi Tea

MISSING PERSONS – Destination Unknown (Spring Session M) 1982MEN WITHOUT HATS – I Like (Rhythm of Youth) 1982REAL LIFE – Babies (single)THE EXPRESSION – With Closed Eyes (s/t) 1983FURNITURE – Brilliant Minds (single) 1986 *request*GARY NUMAN – We Take Mystery to Bed (I, Assassin) 1982DROPBEARS – Shall We Go (single) 1985PSEUDO ECHO – A Beat For You (Autumnal Park) 1984BOW WOW WOW – Chihuahua (single) 1982 THE WAITRESSES – No Guilt (single) 1981ROMEO VOID - Chinatown (Benefactor) 1982SLOW CHILDREN – Vanessa Vacillating (Mad About Town) 1981ALTERED IMAGES – Pinky Blue (Pinky Blue) 1982ELEKTRICS – I Remember You (Current Events) 1980THE FLIRTS – Calling All Boys (10 Cents a Dance) 1983JOSIE COTTON – He Could Be The One (Convertible Music) 1982RAMONES – She's a Sensation (Pleasant Dreams) 1981THE CALL – Scene Beyond Dreams (single) 1984GLEAMING SPIRES – Big Surprise (Walk on Well Lighted Streets) 1983MODELS – King of Kings (Out of Mind Out of Sight) 1985 INXS – Stay Young (Underneath The Colours) 1981SWINGERS – Counting the Beat (Practical Jokers) 1981THE MEMBERS – Working Girls (s/t) 1982THREE X – Walking in the City (single) 1983THOMPSON TWINS – Make Believe Let's Pretend (single) 1981THE DRONGOS – Ghost Ship (s/t) 1984THE JAZZ BUTCHER – Looking for Lot 49 (Fishcoteque) 1986 MADNESS – House of Fun (single) 1982 THE JAM – Beat Surrender (single) 1982THE CULT – Love (Love) 1985 

Mental health doesn't discriminate, it can and does impact anyone and everyone, and often the conversation isn't pretty. Welcome to the stage... 'The Therapist's Cher'. Brendan and Matthew are taking it back to Bottoming basics for this episode, discussing the very heart of the podcast: their mental health journeys and experiences with therapy. It's a tough but necessary one as is a reflection of counselling itself. They're not doing it alone though. They have drafted in support from experts: an assistant psychologist for the NHS (Will Tamblyn), Darren, the counselling coordinator for an LGBT+ charity (MindOut) and a private therapist (Jen Tomkinson). Picking their brains using feedback from listeners and questions from social media, Matthew and Brendan gain more insight into each route into therapy with the aim of showing clear options available to those interested in getting support. **This episode comes with a content warning as there are conversations around suicide and sexual abuse which some listeners may find triggering or upsetting. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/bottomingpodcast. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On this week's episode of Buffering the Vampire Slayer, Alba Daza and Mackenzie McDade do an unapologetic deep dive into the BIPOC experience of invisibility. Join them as they discuss the metaphorical and literal ways that Buffy the Vampire Slayer illustrates the ways that BIPOC experience invisibility. They laugh, they (almost) cry, they tell it like it is, and they are ready. to. scrap. Be it through Buffy’s White Savior Complex, the revolution that is "Graduation Day Part 2," or the pure rage of Marcie in "Out of Mind Out of Sight," they are here to share in the solidarity of two BIPOC women talking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, no holds barred. Join them for an Instagram Live Q&A on Buffering's IG (@bufferingcast) on Saturday, January 23rd at 2pm Eastern / 11am Pacific.  More information, suggested readings, and a viewing guide at: https://www.bufferingthevampireslayer.com/invisibipoc !!  This Episode Contains Spoilers Through Season 7 Of Buffy  !! +++ LOCATE YOUR HOSTS UPON THE INTERNET Alba Daza: albadaza.com + Instagram @alba.daza Mackenzie MacDade: Twitter @mackmactlksback + Instagram @mackmactalksback Buffering the Vampire Slayer: @bufferingcast on twitter, facebook, and instagram Learn more about our team at bufferingthevampireslayer.com/our-team  +++ Executive Producer: Alba Daza Producers: Mackenzie MacDade, Kristin Russo and Jenny Owen Youngs Edited by: Kristin Russo +++ We acknowledge that we and our team are occupying unceded and stolen lands and territories. Kristin occupies the Lenape territories of the Esopus Lenape Peoples. Jenny occupies the Wabanahkik territory of the Abenaki and Pennacook Peoples. Alba occupies Tiohtià:ke of the Kanien’kehá:ka Nation. Mack, LaToya, and John Mark occupy the lands of the Kizh Peoples. Learn more about Land Acknowledgments + our continued anti-racist efforts at bufferingthevampireslayer.com/justkeepfighting +++   JOIN OUR PATREON FAMILY!! Advance Music, Bonus Episodes, Live Concerts, Book Clubs, wheeeee!! patreon.com/bufferingcast   MERCH, MERCH, MERCH! bufferingthevampireslayer.com/shop   Logo: Kristine Thune See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this week's episode of Buffering the Vampire Slayer, Alba Daza and Mackenzie McDade do an unapologetic deep dive into the BIPOC experience of invisibility. Join them as they discuss the metaphorical and literal ways that Buffy the Vampire Slayer illustrates the ways that BIPOC experience invisibility. They laugh, they (almost) cry, they tell it like it is, and they are ready. to. scrap. Be it through Buffy's White Savior Complex, the revolution that is "Graduation Day Part 2," or the pure rage of Marcie in "Out of Mind Out of Sight," they are here to share in the solidarity of two BIPOC women talking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, no holds barred.Join them for an Instagram Live Q&A on Buffering's IG (@bufferingcast) on Saturday, January 23rd at 2pm Eastern / 11am Pacific. More information, suggested readings, and a viewing guide at: https://www.bufferingthevampireslayer.com/invisibipoc!! This Episode Contains Spoilers Through Season 7 Of Buffy !!+++ LOCATE YOUR HOSTS UPON THE INTERNET Alba Daza: albadaza.com + Instagram @alba.daza Mackenzie MacDade: Twitter @mackmactlksback + Instagram @mackmactalksback Buffering the Vampire Slayer: @bufferingcast on twitter, facebook, and instagram Learn more about our team at bufferingthevampireslayer.com/our-team +++ Executive Producer: Alba DazaProducers: Mackenzie MacDade, Kristin Russo and Jenny Owen YoungsEdited by: Kristin Russo+++We acknowledge that we and our team are occupying unceded and stolen lands and territories. Kristin occupies the Lenape territories of the Esopus Lenape Peoples. Jenny occupies the Wabanahkik territory of the Abenaki and Pennacook Peoples. Alba occupies Tiohtià:ke of the Kanien'kehá:ka Nation. Mack, LaToya, and John Mark occupy the lands of the Kizh Peoples.Learn more about Land Acknowledgments + our continued anti-racist efforts atbufferingthevampireslayer.com/justkeepfighting+++ JOIN OUR PATREON FAMILY!!Advance Music, Bonus Episodes, Live Concerts, Book Clubs, wheeeee!! patreon.com/bufferingcast MERCH, MERCH, MERCH!bufferingthevampireslayer.com/shop Logo: Kristine Thune Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode, Jennifer wishes you a happy new year, in her usual chaotic and rambling fashion. Donate to Mind Out to help LGBT people: https://mindout.org.uk/donate/ Donate to Centre Point to help Homeless Youth: https://centrepoint.org.uk Donate to Fareshare to help feed vulnerable people in the UK: https://fareshare.org.uk Donate to help captive orcas: https://www.bornfree.org.uk/marine-captivity Find more information on Jennifer Juan and her work, along with hundreds of free to access poems, short stories and videos at www.jenniferjuan.com   Listen to Jennifer Dates: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/jennifer-dates/id1327391011 Get involved with Diverse Verse: https://jenniferjuan.com/contact-links/diverse-verse/ Get the new single, Some Winter Night: https://push.fm/fl/swnjj Order the Live album: https://jenniferjuan.bandcamp.com/album/the-adventures-of-hunnybee-live-well-sort-of Order the new book Confessions of a Self Aware Manic Pixie Dream Girl: https://jenniferjuan.com/merchandise/books/confessions-of-a-self-aware-manic-pixie-dream-girl/ See Jennifer Juan perform live: https://jenniferjuan.com/events/  Find Jennifer Juan on social media:   Twitter: https://twitter.com/missjsquared Jennifer Juan on Instagram: https://instagram.com/missjsquared Sincerely, Jennifer x on Instagram: https://Instagram.com/sincerelyjenniferx Tumblr: www.missjsquared.tumblr.com   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JenniferJuan  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/missjsquared   Bandcamp: http://jenniferjuan.bandcamp.com   Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5aUVh1Lp3P6o5IW39iopyV?si=7OEc_qoWTL-S0eg0wQ8pHw   Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/artist/jennifer-juan/1293313532   Soundcloud: https://m.soundcloud.com/missjsquared  Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/missjsquared  PayPal: https://www.paypal.me/jenniferjuan  Merchandise: https://jenniferjuan.com/merchandise/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sincerelyjenniferx/message

On today’s episode, Jennifer shared some poems, tells your fortune and talks about marine captivity, her favourite Christmas present, why influencers should be left in 2020 and how tired she is of street harassment. What The Actual F*** Is Going On In Your Life? Timestamps: Pile 1: 45:03 Pile 2: 01:07:06 Pile 3: 01:22:01 Donate to Mind Out to help LGBT people: https://mindout.org.uk/donate/ Donate to Centre Point to help Homeless Youth: https://centrepoint.org.uk Donate to Fareshare to help feed vulnerable people in the UK: https://fareshare.org.uk Donate to help captive orcas: https://www.bornfree.org.uk/marine-captivity Find more information on Jennifer Juan and her work, along with hundreds of free to access poems, short stories and videos at www.jenniferjuan.com   Listen to Jennifer Dates: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/jennifer-dates/id1327391011 Get involved with Diverse Verse: https://jenniferjuan.com/contact-links/diverse-verse/ Get the new single, Some Winter Night: https://push.fm/fl/swnjj Order the Live album: https://jenniferjuan.bandcamp.com/album/the-adventures-of-hunnybee-live-well-sort-of Order the new book Confessions of a Self Aware Manic Pixie Dream Girl: https://jenniferjuan.com/merchandise/books/confessions-of-a-self-aware-manic-pixie-dream-girl/ See Jennifer Juan perform live: https://jenniferjuan.com/events/  Find Jennifer Juan on social media:   Twitter: https://twitter.com/missjsquared Jennifer Juan on Instagram: https://instagram.com/missjsquared Sincerely, Jennifer x on Instagram: https://Instagram.com/sincerelyjenniferx Tumblr: www.missjsquared.tumblr.com   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JenniferJuan  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/missjsquared   Bandcamp: http://jenniferjuan.bandcamp.com   Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5aUVh1Lp3P6o5IW39iopyV?si=7OEc_qoWTL-S0eg0wQ8pHw   Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/artist/jennifer-juan/1293313532   Soundcloud: https://m.soundcloud.com/missjsquared  Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/missjsquared  PayPal: https://www.paypal.me/jenniferjuan  Merchandise: https://jenniferjuan.com/merchandise/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sincerelyjenniferx/message

In this special episode of Sincerely, Jennifer x, Jennifer addresses the nation, like the Queen, because she has delusions of grandeur, but also a very important message for her listeners. Donate to Mind Out to help LGBT people: https://mindout.org.uk/donate/ Donate to Centre Point to help Homeless Youth: https://centrepoint.org.uk Donate to Fareshare to help feed vulnerable people in the UK: https://fareshare.org.uk Find more information on Jennifer Juan and her work, along with hundreds of free to access poems, short stories and videos at www.jenniferjuan.com   Listen to Jennifer Dates: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/jennifer-dates/id1327391011 Get involved with Diverse Verse: https://jenniferjuan.com/contact-links/diverse-verse/ Get the new single, Some Winter Night: https://push.fm/fl/swnjj Order the Live album: https://jenniferjuan.bandcamp.com/album/the-adventures-of-hunnybee-live-well-sort-of Order the new book Confessions of a Self Aware Manic Pixie Dream Girl: https://jenniferjuan.com/merchandise/books/confessions-of-a-self-aware-manic-pixie-dream-girl/ See Jennifer Juan perform live: https://jenniferjuan.com/events/  Find Jennifer Juan on social media:   Twitter: https://twitter.com/missjsquared Jennifer Juan on Instagram: https://instagram.com/missjsquared Sincerely, Jennifer x on Instagram: https://Instagram.com/sincerelyjenniferx Tumblr: www.missjsquared.tumblr.com   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JenniferJuan  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/missjsquared   Bandcamp: http://jenniferjuan.bandcamp.com   Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5aUVh1Lp3P6o5IW39iopyV?si=7OEc_qoWTL-S0eg0wQ8pHw   Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/artist/jennifer-juan/1293313532   Soundcloud: https://m.soundcloud.com/missjsquared  Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/missjsquared  PayPal: https://www.paypal.me/jenniferjuan  Merchandise: https://jenniferjuan.com/merchandise/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sincerelyjenniferx/message

This week we breakdown episode 11, of season 1 Out of Mind Out of Sight.We cover a lot of things in this episode. We discuss whether Marcie is a victim or a villain and what the difference between those maybe. We also tackle the "Have a Nice Summer" debate...is it really the high school kiss of death?

THE CHAMELEONS – On The Beach (What Does Anything Mean Basically?) 1985 COMSAT ANGELS – What Else? (Fiction) 1982 NEW MODEL ARMY – Courage (Poison Street single) 1987 PINK TURNS BLUE – When The Hammer Comes Down (If Two Worlds Kiss) 1987 LOWLIFE – Ramified (Diminuendo) 1987 ARMS OF SOMEONE NEW – Hollywood (Promise) 1988 O.M.D. – She’s Leaving (Architecture & Morality) 1981 HUMAN LEAGUE – Sound of the Crowd (Dare) 1981 ICEHOUSE – Street Café (Primitive Man) 1982 MODELS – Out of Mind Out of Sight (Out of Mind Out of Sight) 1985 RED 7 – Relentless (s/t) 1985 *request* THE CURE – A Night Like This (Head on the Door) 1985 SUCARCUBES – Cold Sweat (Life’s Too Good) 1988 PUBLIC IMAGE LTD. – FFF (Album) 1985 THE FALL – Big New Prinz (I Am Kurious Oranj) 1988 HUNTERS & COLLECTORS – Towtruck (Payload EP) 1982 THE SNAPDRAGONS – Dreamtime (Eternal in a Moment single) 1989 THE GO-BETWEENS – Streets of Your Town (16 Lovers Lane) 1988 PREFAB SPROUT – Johnny Johnny (Steve McQueen)1985 LLOYD COLE & THE COMMOTIONS – Jennifer She Said (single) 1988 BILLY BRAGG – Days Like These (single) 1985 R.E.M. – Bandwagon (Dead Letter Office) 1987 GUADALCANAL DIARY – Jamboree (Jamboree) THE PRIMITONS – Don’t Go Away (Don’t Go Away) 1987 LONG RYDERS – Ivory Tower (Native Sons) 1984 THE REPLACEMENTS – I Will Dare (Let It Be) 1984 X – Soul Kitchen (Los Angeles) 1980 TSOL – American Zone (Change Today?) 1984 THE DICKIES – Killer Klowns (Killer Klowns From Outer Space EP) 1988

Join Dr. Kathy Marshack and Dr. Stephanie Holmes as they discuss autism and its impact on the family system. This segment will look at the impact and perspective of the child who is not on the spectrum. Dr. Marshack provides insight both professionally and personally into the topic. The discussion will illuminate why being open about autism and discussing autism within the family create understanding and empowerment.Dr. Kathy Marshack is a therapist with over 40 years of professional experience working with people on the spectrum and their families. She also has a lifetime of personal experience, growing up with a mother on the spectrum, an undiagnosed ex-husband and an adopted daughter on the spectrum.As a professional, Dr. Marshack specializes in helping clients who are in Complex Relationships that are tough to treat with conventional psychotherapy. She is certified in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Ericksonian Hypnosis and Neuro-Emotional Technique (NET).She is a published author with three books written specifically on relationships between people on the spectrum and Neuro-Typicals:"When Empathy Fails: How to Stop Those Hell-Bent on Destroying You""Going Over the Edge: Life With a Partner or Spouse With Asperger Syndrome""Out of Mind—Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD)"She has sponsored the MeetUp group, called "Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD", for over 10 years and launched a membership website www.asd-ntrelationships.com (ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum) where she is offering video conferences and free teleconferences to help her community.https://kmarshack.com/

C’est repartiiiiiiiiii ! Welcome 2020 ! Comme on ne change pas une équipe qui gagne, ben on ne change pas ! Ce soir nous avons accueilli le groupe Mind Out! qui est venu nous présenter son 1er EP 4 tires studio dont le vernissage aura lieu fin avril / début mai au Bar King de … Continuer la lecture de « Abrockadabra S01E16 – 28.01.2020 – C’est la reprise ! Mind Out! est venu nous présenter son dernier EP 4 titres pour cette nouvelle année ! Puis nous avons gentiment repris notre programme habituel mais en mode « light », mais bien…….mais en mode light!

This week on Buffy and the Art of Story: Out of Mind Out of Sight (Season 1, Episode 11 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Along with plot turns about an invisible girl,  this episode covers (1) scene transitions (done so well!); (2) flashbacks (maybe not done so well) (3) theme; (4) strong dialogue; and (5) […] The post Out of Mind Out of Sight S1 E11 appeared first on Lisa Lilly.

We really picked that for a title? Sure, whatever. CHARITY STREAM WILL BE START ON TWITCH.TV/SNIPEANDWIB ON THE 31ST OF AUGUST AT 4PM BST. MindOUT website: https://www.mindout.org.uk/ I this episode we discuss the new Space Marine stuff, making cults in The Sims, bush toilets, Remnant: From the Ashes, Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus, Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling, and Doctor Who before some Dungeons and Dragons recounting! Emails to: onlydrummermattatsnipeandwib@gmail.com

Carlos Camacho talking with Deb Lennon about pain and how to manage it. Music: Out of Mind Out of Sight by The Models.

Simo Soo chats in the studio with James and plays tracks from their label Yes Rave. Language warning: some lyrics may offend.  https://yesrave.bandcamp.com/ Charlie Willbridge from MindOUT at the National LGBTI Health Alliance talks about their suicide prevention work. QLife: 1800 184 527. Lifeline: 13 11 14.3CR broadcasts from the stolen lands of the Kulin Nation. Sovreignty was never ceded in this country. 

  Hey there, welcome to episode 26 and to week 26 of 2019 and to halfway through your year. Are you shocked that we are officially halfway through the year?  Or are you organised, on track and killing it in 2019? I sure hope it’s the latter.  I sincerely hope that you’ve set your goals 6 months ago and you’re either working diligently towards them or have achieved them. For me, well this Podcast episode I thought I might get a little intimate and let you in a little closer to the world that Jenn Donovan and Social Media & Marketing Australia, because for me this year has been everything! Everything from high highs to low lows and I’m just talking business here! If you listened in to the very first episode of this Podcast, you will remember my declaration.  I declared I would do 1 podcast a week for 52 weeks.  I’d never made weekly consistent content before, so this was an enormous challenge and a challenge it’s been.  But I am halfway there and so far I haven’t missed a deadline!  And these things take time – it’s almost a days work doing a Podcast every week.  I thought it would get quicker and it probably has, but it still takes a lot of time and energy from researching to the point where you listen!  Now I’m not complaining, it’s done more for my business and any other thing and it’s only going to get bigger, better and more amazing – that’s why I’m so glad you’ve decided to come along for the journey! This week on the podcast, I thought we might do a mid-year check in.  Let’s check in, see how things are tracking and maybe reset and refocus.  But first, of course, let’s do our discovery of the week. THIS WEEK’S DISCOVERY! If you follow me on only of my social platforms, Facebook, Facebook Group, LinkedIn, or Instagram, you will already know my discovery is week, because it was so brilliant I couldn’t keep it in until the podcast! And I wanted to do a demonstration for you all that you can’t get on a voice only platform like this podcast! It was of course the app CLIPS.   Clips is brilliant.  Why is it brilliant – well, let me explain.  We all know how important video is in our marketing yes.  Some of you are doing video already, some of you need to stretch yourself and start and that’s ok.  But using just video in our marketing mix isn’t enough in 2019 because over 86% of us watch video on our phones with the sound OFF.  Therefore, next level with video is captions. If you record your video with Clips you can have live captions – in other words, it does the captions as you speak.  For starter the AI on that alone is mind-blowing.  But for a free app and an almost 99% accurate free app – that’s next level mind-blowing! So, download Clips today and start recording your videos with captions.  I guarantee your engagement rate will go up. And if you aren’t doing video in your business but know you should, download clips and start recording something.  You don’t have to do anything with the video, you can delete it and never show a soul, but start getting used to yourself on video and if you record something that you’re happy to put out to the world, then know it’s already ticking the captions box! There’s plenty of YouTube videos out there teaching you all about Clips if you have any problems or want to know more.  Or, of course, reach out to me! As always, just a little disclaimer, my discoveries are just that and I am in no way affiliated with any of them but promise to tell you if I ever am.  I just love them and from the response of my listeners, you guys, you are loving them too! Hey and if you have a little discovery, or something you use in your business that you’d like to share, please do so.  Email me at jenn@jenndonovan.com.au or tag me @smallbusinessmadesimple.  I really love to know what tools you use to help make your life simpler! CHECK IN AND REFOCUS At the beginning of the year, did you set yourself some goals?  My hope is that you set them, they sit prominently displayed somewhere where you can see them everything day and that you are well on your way to achieving them or have already ticked some off the list. If you didn’t set any or you have lost sight of them or where you are going, then let’s chat about that too! I have 3 quotes or inspiration says printed in my office which I look at every day and I know they get me on track and keep my head screwed on the right way. They are IF YOU DO WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS DONE, YOU’LL GET WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS GOT START WITH THE END IN MIND, and THERE’S NO POINT IN DREAMING SMALL The first two have been with me for a long time.  I built my retail business on the first two.  The last one, well that’s a new addition this year because late last year I found myself lost, confused, hurt beyond belief from a colleague, friend and business partner.  That story is still too raw to tell but I can certainly see it in a future episode. But I will tell you, know your worth, don’t let anyone tell you differently and fight for what is yours because sometimes you think you know someone inside and outside and can trust them wholeheartedly but in the end, they’ll screw you over and you won’t even see it coming. So, dreaming big became 2019’s mantra.  Because I have to go hard or go home – going home meaning get a J.O.B! So perhaps the first point in our mid-year check-in is – what inspires you?  Do you have a mantra for business or life that you could use reminding of every day?  Perhaps you could use some posters or post-it notes around you to keep you on track and intact like me! But let’s get down to some goal check-ins.  My second point in our mid-year check-in. If you set some goals at the beginning of the year, go get them. Let’s look at them.  I am really hoping that they are close by and something you look at every day – because the Models did have wisdom when they sung “out of mind out of sight” – or in this case, out of sight out of mind.  You need daily check-ins for the goals otherwise you might forget where you are heading. If you didn’t set any goals – I’ll get to you shortly! So, let’s look at your goals – pause the podcast, browse the goals and answer the following questions: Did I achieve this goal? Am I working towards this goal still? Is this goal still important? If you answered yes to all of those questions – brilliant!  So proud of you!  If you didn’t answer yes to questions 2 and 3 then we have some work today. If you’re not working towards the goal still, why not?  This is a self-reflection exercise so be honest with yourself.  If it’s not important anymore, why not?  What’s changed in you and your business to make something you thought was important 6 months ago, not important now. 6 months in to 2019, maybe you need to set some new goals?  Maybe business has changed, you’ve changed, the world’s changed and it’s time to set some new ones.  Or if you didn’t set any or don’t have any, then let’s double down and set some today. The most important things to remember about setting new goals is Knowing why you want to achieve that goal What’s the financial benefit for the goal What’s its going to take to reach that goal, and What’s its going to mean to you and your business if you achieve it. I cannot encourage you enough to take some mid-year time to reset your goals to help you refocus on what’s important and what you want to achieve by the end of 2019. Maybe you need to set smaller goals to help you achieve the BHAG ones you set to the start of the year.  I know this is exactly where I am. My had lots of BHAGs for 2019.  I had lots of small goals too.  The small ones, I am ticking.  The BHAGs I am not.  If I am to achieve everything in 2019 that I set at the beginning of this year, then there’s every chance last night was my last night sleeping until January 2020.  Yes, I am that far behind where I want to be. I laugh a little at some of the unrealistic time frames I put around my goals at the beginning of the year.  I don’t think I factored in life – you know that ol’ chestnut – life! But I’ll be darned if I’ll give up!  I had hoped my first course; Facebook Ads for Beginners would be released by February and umm it’s still not and we are almost in July! I could blame 100 things but the truth is, just between you and me, I haven’t made it enough of a priority.  I’ve let other things stand in the way, some excuses, some just other revenue making activities. But my new website is almost done (don’t worry there will be a podcast episode about this in the future), which will host my courses, Facebook Ads for Beginners and Email Marketing for Beginners, which will solve the problem of where to send my amazing students to learn what I have to teach!  Which is clearly a good them – knowing where to send someone! So, although, not ready in February, definitely going to be able to tick a couple of goals off my the end of the year!  If anyone’s interested in those courses, I will definitely let you know when they become available or you can head to my website www.socialmediaandmarketing.com.au go to the courses tab and sign up so you are first to find out all the info when it’s released! I guess I share that story with you because I wanted you to see that although perhaps you have goals on your list that you didn’t achieve in the time you set but they’re still achievable.  Don’t let yourself be distracted by the fact that you didn’t do it yet and put that or those goals back on the list and start working towards them again! If you’re listening to this Podcast and you are completely lost in 2019.  Please reach out.  DM me on any platform but don’t let yourself end the year with the feeling you have now.  I can help or at least be a virtual ear to listen and put you back on track. And regardless of whether that’s you or not, I have these pieces of advice for:: Make marketing a priority in your business – stop making it a “if I’ve got time” priority and make it a real priority every day; Take some time to look at your finances at the end of the financial year – yep bat crap scary but look at them. Know what’s earnt you money, what hasn’t and put more effort and energy, in the last half of 2019, into your money-making activities; Give your workplace a “Maree Kondo” clean up. Clean and clear your workplace, invites a clean and clear mind to work with.  Spend an hour or two reorganising your workplace, giving it a clean and throwing out those thousand sticky notes that have all your important things on them (get yourself a notebook)!  Maybe cleaning your workspace also including cleaning out your inbox and computer files.  Let’s give ourselves maximum chance to start again clear and clean! Put your goals where you can see them – every day you can see where you need to go. Consider doing a vision board and listening to the models song Out of Mind Out of Sight as you do it!! Learn to delegate. Did you squirm just then or did your inner core shake?    Delegation can be a learned skill so if you don’t do it or aren’t good at it – take small steps to be a great delegator.  It’ll give you more time to focus on the goals you’ve now got in front of you. If you are finding it hard to keep yourself accountable – find an “unreasonable friend” or an accountability buddy. If you don’t know where to start, head into my Facebook Group – Like Minded Business Owners and ask if anyone would like to pair up in there!  I have no double you’ll get a taker or two.  Accountability is one of the fundamentals missing from so many small business owners and it can make a massive difference to your output and input every day! I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s podcast.  Please take time to look at your goals.  Even if you’re listening to this and it’s not mid- year, it’s still a great reminder to stop, reflect and refocus – so make sure you still do the exercises. If you’d like to chat about it further – well then, let’s get social on social and continue this conversation in my Facebook Group – Like Minded Business Owners.  I’d absolutely love to hear about the goals you’ve hit so far and the even the ones you’ve missed – the group is all about supporting each other through both. So, that’s all for Episode 26 of the Small Business Made Simple Podcast. I’ll be back next Thursday with some more marketing know-how and another discovery of course. If you’re enjoying this podcast, don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode and share this with a friend.  And maybe leave me a rating and a review wherever you listen in.  Those things are like gold for podcasters like me!  PS – you can leave more than one rating and review – just saying! Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have.  Thanks so much for lending me your ears. …….. and remember small business peeps, as my opening song says, there’s no point in dreaming small!      

We review the strange and compelling new Netflix documentary, Shirkers. Also discussed: The Golden Globes, Mom, Children of Blood & Bone, Watership Down, Top Chef, You, Dirty John, Out of Mind: Out of Sight.

pilot episode of MindOut Podcast on regression please excuse the audio difficulties in the episode, as we are honing this in as we go. Enjoy! SUPPORT US ON PATREON https://www.patreon.com/user?u=19810882 --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/andrew651/support

MenTalkHealth is proud to be an active part of the LGBTQ+ community and so we were honoured to be invited to record a brilliant episode with some of the users of the important services offered by MindOut. MindOut work to improve the mental health and wellbeing of LGBTQ communities and to make mental health a community concern. Goals shared by us here at MenTalkHealth. With guest host Spice and three fabulous guests- Kerri, Ben and Ed-who share and laugh about their experiences and support they have received from MindOut. For more information about MindOut services please check out www.mindout.org.uk Edited by Davey Shields Sound by Corbin Sound

X-Aspirations Episode 126 The Uncanny X-Men #142, February 1981 "Mind Out of Time!" Written by Chris Claremont, Pencils by John Byrne, Inks by Terry Austin, Lettered by Tom Orzechowski, Colors by Glynis Wein, Edited by Louise Jones, Editor-In-Chief Jim Shooter. I Can See For Miles And Milestones! In Which We Discover That Kitty Pryde Is Just Like Indian Food, She Goes Right Through You, That Ororo Likes Countries Like She Likes Her Men: Big Enough That They Don't Trigger Her Debilitating Claustrophobia, And That With A Large Enough Wolverine Colossus Could Move The World! Mystique Has Seen Everything Travolta Has Ever Done -- She Even Kinda Digged "Wild Hogs"! Check us out at www.x-aspirations.com And send us comments at xteam@x-aspirations.com

X-Aspirations Episode 126 The Uncanny X-Men #142, February 1981 "Mind Out of Time!" Written by Chris Claremont, Pencils by John Byrne, Inks by Terry Austin, Lettered by Tom Orzechowski, Colors by Glynis Wein, Edited by Louise Jones, Editor-In-Chief Jim Shooter. I Can See For Miles And Milestones! In Which We Discover That Kitty Pryde Is Just Like Indian Food, She Goes Right Through You, That Ororo Likes Countries Like She Likes Her Men: Big Enough That They Don't Trigger Her Debilitating Claustrophobia, And That With A Large Enough Wolverine Colossus Could Move The World! Mystique Has Seen Everything Travolta Has Ever Done -- She Even Kinda Digged "Wild Hogs"! Check us out at www.x-aspirations.com And send us comments at xteam@x-aspirations.com

A double literary and academic treat with the inimitable Dr Jane Traies and her ground-breaking work on the lives of older lesbians, and author Val Brown on her biography of the extraordinary Toupie Lowther, plus Aaron Lawrence (aka Spice) is in the stuiod too to talk about The Bedford's Rough Sleeper fundraising appeal, plus a smattering of Stage Door radio show and MindOut news too.

Spun Glass Theatre are challenging gender stereotypes with Princess Charming, a new cabaret show for children; MindOut are recruiting; and RadioReverb needs you!

- Kate Webb from community LGBTQ mental health organisation MindOut has a comprehensive update including how you can get involved in supporting them - As we pack away our lilos for another year and think about slipping in to our autumnal colours, the Marlborough Theatre’s Ema Boswood joins us with the low-down on their packed autumn season - and the exclusive first radio play of the brand spanking new track from the ever-brilliant Battery Operated Orchestra

MindOut launch their new Bi peer support group; Matt Rood aka Mr Gay UK; and Sameena Zehra on the Solidarity For Grenfell fundraiser at The Blue Man.

We've hear from novellist Allie Rogers, whose new book Little Gold looks at coming of age in 1980s Brighton; new queer theatre piece Alice Cracked brings alive five different Alices from history; and MindOut appoint Aaron Lawrence as their first Community Ambassador.

Today we discuss Buffy Season 1 Episode 11 Out of Mind Out of Sight: Wherein We All Lament That Our High School Experience Didn't Result in us Becoming Invisible Assassins. We examine the use of Cordelia as Buffy's shadow-self and see her come into her own as a character and as a reluctant member of the Scoobies, as well as discuss some foreshadowing for the episode to come and further our analysis of color language. Special thanks to our friends at Image Eyes downtown for being awesome and helping Jen get some cool new spectacles. Make sure to mention us when you go there for a special deal. Please make sure to review us on your platform of choice and share us with your Buffy-loving friends to help us boost our signal!

Archive podcast from 30th June - - the Pride Diversity Games are back - Steve Ashfield from BLAGSS has the details - Trans Pride Brighton is back - with a new location and running over 3 days - committee member Steph Scott will give us the look-ahead and Traumfrau’s Roni Guetta has the details of the Saturday night party - And Aaron Lawrence’s continues his year-long spectacular fundraising effort for MindOut with his My Costume Drama project - a year in fancy dress - we’re not sure what guise he’ll be turning up in today - and we’ll find out how he’s getting on in his quest to raise £15,000 for Brighton’s LGBTQ mental health project

In this episode, Emma is back in Brighton, talking with Rory Finn Smith, LGBT Liaison for Brighton & Hove Police. The conversation is about about anti-social behaviour and violence against gender transgression. About about fitness and trans sport and self-defence. About endings and about things that do not end.. Rory is the LGBT Liaison for Brighton & Hove Police and has been in post since 2012. Prior to working with the Police, Rory worked for the national trans charity, Gender Trust, and volunteered for local LGBT organisations Mindout and FTM Brighton. Rory currently runs Trans Can Sport and is the chair of the Trans Alliance Brighton. In his downtime, Rory likes to keep fit, play xbox and drink tea. We were invited to record this episode by Pink Fringe in conjunction with The Safety Map, a project they are facilitating across the bank holiday weekend at the Marlborough Theatre. It’s an invitation to come and share experiences of anti-social behaviour in Brighton as well as spaces where we feel welcomed and celebrated. it’s the start of a larger conversation. This is FREE event. Please come and share your stories. You can find the link below or follow it on twitter at #safetymap And you can keep up to date with Emma's movements through the None of Us is Yet a Robot project at www.notyetarobot.co.uk or @elbfrankland on twitter. Opening music was by Kraftwerk and Closing music by Señor Coconut y Su Conjuto Some things we mentioned in the conversation were: The Safety Map - https://www.facebook.com/events/1780845748818488/ Trans Can Sport - https://www.facebook.com/transcansport/ Pink Fringe - http://www.marlboroughtheatre.org.uk/event-type/pink-fringe/ Trans Pride - http://transpridebrighton.tumblr.com Shuyler Baylar (trans swimmer on Harvard Team) -https://www.instagram.com/pinkmantaray/ Fallon Fox (MMA fighter) - http://www.fallonfox.com The Sissy’s Progress - http://www.marlboroughtheatre.org.uk/event/the-sissys-progress/ Advice about reporting hate crime - https://www.gov.uk/report-hate-crime LGBT Support Gendered Intelligence: http://genderedintelligence.co.uk Stonewall: http://www.stonewall.org.uk Brighton & Hove LGBT Switchboard - http://switchboard.org.uk  See you next time. xxx

Are mental health services in crisis? Claudia Hammond talks to Sue Bailey, president of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, about her fears that mental health is at a tipping point and could be heading towards its own Stafford Hospital style scandal. Martin McShane from NHS England and Minister for Care and Support, Norman Lamb, respond. Claudia talks to historian, Jay Winter about why he believes shell shock in World War One was hugely underdiagnosed. And she hears from Mindout, a support group for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in Brighton and a finalist in the All in the Mind mental health awards.

First of two Mania's recorded at Mind Out for the Laughs at the Komedia in Brighton in 2012.

More mind dumps from Mind Out 2012