ADHD Mums

A nurse who gives out meds all day found May's script in her glove box in July. Still in the chemist bag.She bought the pill box with the days on the lid. Put it next to the toothbrush, like everyone says. It worked for two weeks. Then one morning she looked straight at it, and she was already in the car.The verdict she landed on: careless with the thing that matters most.It might not be that. Your brain files anything that never moves as background. The fridge humming. The shirt on your back. The pill box that's sat by the toothbrush for a fortnight. The filter doesn't check how much something matters. It only checks whether it changed since yesterday.This Mum Hacks episode is about why 'next to' fades, why 'in the way' doesn't, and a quick check for when a hack that was working quietly stops.Related EpisodesQUICK RESET: The Hallway Hook That Saved My Sanity → https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-38-quick-reset-the-hallway-hook-that-saved-my-sanity/Mum Hacks: 'I Wasn't Consistent Enough.' It Lasted Eight Months. → https://tr.ee/basketsAll the QUICK RESET episodes → https://tr.ee/quickresetAll the ADHD medication episodes → https://tr.ee/medicationResourcesA Guide to ADHD Medication → https://adhdmums.com.au/product/a-guide-to-adhd-medication/ADHD Mums free resources → https://adhdmums.com.au/product-category/free-resources/

Have you ever fought for years — the waitlist, the referrals, the appointments where nobody believed you — finally got the diagnosis, and then sat in the aftermath feeling nothing? Have you ever had everyone around you exhale and tell you how relieved you must be, while you felt flat, wrung out, and grieving something you couldn't even name — and then guilty, because didn't you get exactly what you asked for?You're not ungrateful and you're not doing it wrong. There's a real thing that happens after the diagnosis you fought for, and almost nobody warns you it's coming. Erica Lee sat in it for nine years and wrote it down.About the GuestErica Lee is a Western Australian educator and mother of two neurodivergent children. She's written a memoir about parenting through diagnosis, advocacy, and the emotional adjustment that follows — the flatness, the grief, and the fight that doesn't end at the answer. She speaks candidly about what motherhood actually looks like when the expectations shift and the support systems get tested.Find Erica Lee's memoir, The Bond Between Us - https://hawkeyebooks.com.au/products/the-bond-between-us-a-mother-s-journey-raising-two-neurodivergent-heartsWebsite: https://www.ericalee.com.au/Instagram: @ericalee_writes.

Have you ever found the old laundry basket in the garage, full of paint tins, and couldn't say when it stopped being the laundry basket? Have you ever said 'I fell off the wagon' about towels?You keep a list of every system that stopped. This short episode is about what that list is actually recording — and the one question to run on any hack before it goes on there.Related EpisodesQUICK RESET: The Hallway Hook That Saved My Sanity → https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-38-quick-reset-the-hallway-hook-that-saved-my-sanity/All the QUICK RESET episodes → https://tr.ee/quickresetFree resourcesADHD Mums free resources → https://adhdmums.com.au/product-category/free-resources/Join the ADHD Mums Facebook group → https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastAll episodes → https://adhdmums.captivate.fm/listen

You packed it at 7am. The safe food, the same as always, because the sandwich comes home untouched and it feels like putting money in the bin. At 3:30 you open the lunchbox and it's exactly as you packed it.You've been told to hide the vegetables, stop making separate meals, she'll eat when she's hungry. None of it has worked. Dr Rachel Zabel says the question every parent walks in with — how do I get her to eat — is the wrong end of the problem.Related EpisodesCould it be ARFID? Spotting the Signs + Why It's Not Just Fussy Eating — with Margo White → https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-78-could-it-be-arfid-spotting-the-signs-why-its-not-just-fussy-eating-with-margo-white/You've Tried Everything… They Still Won't Eat: Real Strategies for ARFID at Home → https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-81-youve-tried-everything-they-still-wont-eat-real-strategies-for-arfid-at-home/More from Dr RachelDr Rachel is a PhD qualified paediatric dietitian on a mission to change the way feeding support is delivered for neurodivergent families. After struggling with feeding in her own family, she developed a responsive feeding therapy framework and resources built for the way neurodivergent kids are wired. She mentors and trains other allied health therapists in the approach, and supports families directly from her practice in Moreton Bay, Queensland, and by telehealth.If you'd like to find out more about Rachel's Responsive Feeding approach — either for yourself or for your child's therapists — follow Rachel on social media or visit her website.Dr Rachel's Kitchen → https://www.drrachelskitchen.com.auInstagram → @dr.rachelskitchen → https://www.instagram.com/dr.rachelskitchenMentioned in this episodeRobyn Gobbel — the nervous-system approach that changed how Rachel understood feeding → https://robyngobbel.com/Join the ADHD Mums Facebook group → https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastAll episodes → https://adhdmums.captivate.fm/listen

The whistle's gone, they've lost by three, and he's standing in the middle of the pitch with his socks down and his shin pads on the grass, not moving. He walks off past the handshake line, straight to you, face like thunder — they didn't pass to me, I could have won that — and he shoves your arm. And the two mums behind you stop talking.You already know what the sideline wants you to do. This episode is about what it costs when you do it, and what to do instead when you're standing there at 10am on a Saturday with everyone watching.Related EpisodesEvery parenting episode in one place → https://tr.ee/parentingEvery RSD episode in one place → https://tr.ee/RSDMeltdown & Shutdown Guide — a printed guide for the meltdowns, the shutdowns, and the recovery this episode is about → https://adhdmums.com.au/product/navigating-meltdowns-strategies-for-parents/Join the ADHD Mums Facebook group — this exact situation comes up constantly in there → https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastSend in a listener question — this episode came from one. WhatsApp 0403 457 313 → https://wa.me/61403457313All episodes → https://adhdmums.captivate.fm/listen

You're bendy. You get dizzy when you stand up. Your periods are heavy, the headaches are worse the week before, you're constipated, you're exhausted, and your mood falls off a cliff for a few days a month. Every one of those has been looked at on its own and waved off. Your bloods came back normal, so that was that.You probably don't have seven separate conditions. Dr Ceri Cashell is an Irish GP on Sydney's Northern Beaches who has spent her career on the part of medicine nobody was taught, and she starts this episode by explaining what fake nails have to do with any of it.Related EpisodesEvery Women's Health episode in one place → https://tr.ee/womenshealthMentioned in this episodeHealthy Hormones — the free national community Dr Cashell co-founded with Dr Emma Harvey. There's a medically moderated community for women, and a list of clinicians who've completed their extra menopause training → https://www.healthyhormones.au/welcome — Instagram @healthy_hormonesAustralian POTS Foundation — download the active stand test, and find POTS-aware practitioners → https://potsfoundation.org.au/The Ehlers-Danlos Society — including the Beighton score, the basic hypermobility self-check → https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/Dysautonomia International → https://www.dysautonomiainternational.org/Dr Cashell's own books have been closed for a couple of years — Healthy Hormones is where to find a clinician.Join the ADHD Mums Facebook group — the listener questions in this episode came from there → https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastAll episodes → https://adhdmums.captivate.fm/listen

You were fine at 9am. Genuinely fine. Then it's school pickup, the gates open, there are dogs and toddlers and a teacher walking towards you, and one kid starts up with let's go to the park, let's go to the park. And you hear yourself snap at someone who did nothing wrong.You didn't ignore the warning signs. You weren't getting them. That's a different problem, and it needs a different fix.Related EpisodesEvery Mum Rage episode in one place — the collection Jane mentions in this episode → https://tr.ee/adhdmumsmumrageADHD and Sensory Overwhelm: Identifying Triggers and Finding Relief — with Rebecca Torpie → https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-13-adhd-sensory-overwhelm-identifying-triggers-and-finding-relief-with-rebecca-torpie/Energy Accounting Guide (free) — the guide Jane mentions in this episode, for working out where your capacity actually goes → https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Join the ADHD Mums Facebook group — where Jane runs body doubling sessions for the dreaded tasks → https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastInstagram — body doubling also runs in the broadcast channel → https://www.instagram.com/adhd_mums/All episodes → https://adhdmums.captivate.fm/listen

Have you ever been told your bloods are fine, it's just busy mum life, and walked out still dizzy, still flat, still carrying a headache you've had for so long you forgot it wasn't normal? Have you ever watched a friend do eight-hour days like it's nothing and quietly decided the difference must be you — that you're just weaker, and you need to suck it up?There's a reason your body keeps stopping after twenty years of pushing through. Bianca Comfort has lived it and treats it, and she says the crash isn't the failure. It's the last thing your body has left to tell you.RESOURCES & REFERENCESFree ResourcesADHD Physical Health & Emotional Wellbeing Kit — for the burnout, the chronic symptoms, and the body-keeps-score part — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-physical-health-emotional-wellbeing-kit/Energy Accounting Guide — the closest thing to the energy-mapping Bianca walks through — where your limit actually is — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Paid ResourcesADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning — for mapping what fills the tank and what drains it — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-reset-workbook-values-energy-planning-for-adhd-mums/ADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related EpisodesBurnout, Pain & Weird Symptoms? The ADHD Link No One Told Us About — Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-62-burnout-pain-weird-symptoms-the-adhd-link-no-one-told-us-about/ADHD and EDS/POTS: Vanessa's Journey Through Chronic Health Challenges — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-41-connection-between-adhd-eds-and-pots-vanessas-journey-through-chronic-health-challenges/Preventing Burnout: The Power of Setting Boundaries — with Kara Lynch — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-37-adhd-autism-or-both-karas-story-of-burnout-and-sensory-overload/When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — What Your Body Is Doing and Why — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/Masking & ADHD — Jane — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/masking-adhd-s1-ep11/Hypermobility, POTS and MCAS: The Conditions That Cluster With ADHD (with Dr Jason Lam) — https://adhdmums.com.au/episode/hypermobility-pots-mcas-adhdAbout the GuestBianca Comfort is a clinical psychologist running a telehealth clinic dedicated to chronic illness and neurodivergence, and the former Vice President of the Australian Psychological Society. She's autistic and ADHD herself, and lives with EDS, POTS, MCAS and ME/CFS — she treats this from both sides of the desk.

Have you ever bought the perfect birthday present weeks early, felt properly pleased with yourself, and then lost it before the birthday? Filled in the form, folded the flap, put it somewhere safe on the Sunday — and by Wednesday it had gone? Renewed the passports early, put them in the safe place, and then had no idea where the safe place was?You've been told your problem is that you're disorganised. It isn't. There's a job that piece of paper was doing that nobody ever told you about, and every system you've ever bought only does half of it.Episode's Jane mentioned: ADHD Stress and Emotional Regulation: What Your Kids Noticed That You Didn't— the soccer photo envelope episode this one follows on from → https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/why-are-you-always-so-stressed-out-my-eight-year-old-asked-me-that-an-hour-after-i-called-myself-organised/QUICK RESET: 'I'm Not Lazy — My House Just Doesn't Have a Memory' → https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/Free Resources:Household Family Meeting Template (free) → https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/Send Jane a voice memo — what did you do early that still disappeared? WhatsApp 0403 457 313 → https://wa.me/61403457313Join the ADHD Mums Facebook group → https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastMentioned in this episodeBarreau, D. & Nardi, B. (1995). Finding and reminding: File organization from the desktop. ACM SIGCHI Bulletin, 27(3), 39–43.All episodes →https://adhdmums.captivate.fm/listen

You might be the bendy one. Or the dizzy one, the one with the headaches that never really stop, the one who reacts to food nobody else reacts to. Tired in a way sleep doesn't fix. And every time you get to a GP, you can't quite land on the same page as them.Dr Jason Lam is a GP and sports medicine registrar who spends his days on the things that get missed — hypermobility, Ehlers-Danlos, POTS, MCAS, and the way they tangle together in a neurodivergent body. This is the episode that joins the dots nobody has joined for you.RESOURCES & REFERENCESFree ResourcesADHD Physical Health & Emotional Wellbeing Kit (free) → https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-physical-health-emotional-wellbeing-kit/Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Paid ResourcesADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related EpisodesADHD and EDS/POTS: Vanessa's Journey Through Chronic Health Challenges → https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-41-connection-between-adhd-eds-and-pots-vanessas-journey-through-chronic-health-challenges/HORMONES: Histamine + Hormones — Why You Feel Like You're Falling Apart → https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-37-hormones-histamine-and-adhd-why-you-feel-like-youre-falling-apart/About the GuestLooking for a practitioner? Dr Jason Lam points listeners to the practitioner registers at the Ehlers-Danlos Society and Connective Tissue Disorders Network Australia.Join the ADHD Mums Facebook group → https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastMore from Dr Jason Lam — https://www.thedancedr.com.au — Instagram @_thedancedrDr Jason Lam — useful links and resources are on his website → https://www.thedancedr.com.auAll episodes → https://adhdmums.captivate.fm/listen

There's a mum at pickup you really like. Ninety seconds every afternoon, one of those chats where you both go 'yeah, exactly' — and then the kids spill out, someone's swinging a backpack like a helicopter, someone's demanding the petrol station, and you're pulled away before you can even say goodbye. And every day you get back to the car thinking: I should have her over. We should do a barbecue. I'd love to actually talk to her for more than ninety seconds.You got her number in January. It's the end of July. And you've made no progress at all. You've probably already filed that as proof you're flaky, cold, a bad friend. This episode is Jane taking that story apart — because the silence between you and someone you genuinely like usually isn't 'I don't want this.' It's 'I want this, but I have no hands to build it with.'CHAPTERS00:00 — Nat, the 90-second pickup chat, and the barbecue that never happens02:29 — Got her number in January. It's July. No progress.03:57 — 'I'm flaky, I'm cold, I'm a bad friend' — the personality we build around it05:33 — The executive-function tax on turning a pickup mum into a real friend06:36 — It's not that you need to try harder. It might be the fuel tank.07:13 — The mum with the same life who still hosts the perfect Sunday barbecue08:36 — Good girl conditioning: when friendship becomes your job to carry10:45 — When you can't stand the silence — and what your brain files it as12:09 — Why a late-diagnosed brain has had decades to build 'I ruin friendships'14:31 — The flicker of energy, and the threat analysis that kills the text15:54 — The heart-react as a hostage 'proof of life' photo17:35 — Moving to acreage, and quietly deleting myself18:43 — 'I want this, but I have no hands to build it with'20:16 — Why 'just put yourself out there' aims you straight at burnout22:11 — What actually works: the low-fuel, no-apology text23:42 — Drop the bar. Plug a friend into the worst 40 minutes of your week.26:28 — Maybe the skill isn't the barbecue. It's letting friendship be uneven.WHAT WE COVERThe pickup mum you really like, the barbecue you keep meaning to have, and the seven months that have quietly gone byWhy 'I'm flaky, I'm cold, I'm a bad friend' becomes a personality — and what it's actually covering forThe hidden executive-function tax on turning a mum you like into a mum who's actually your friend: remembering, initiating, holding the plan, pushing through the 'what if it's awkward'Why the friend with the same number of kids and the same Saturday sport still hosts the perfect Sunday barbecue — and why it's not that she's better at friendshipGood girl conditioning, and what happens when you learned early that friendship is your job to carry, keep alive, and never dropThe other version — when you can't stand the silence, and your brain files 'haven't heard from them in ages' as dangerThe flicker of energy to send the text, and the threat analysis your brain runs to talk you out of itThe heart-react on her story as a 'hostage proof of life' photo — I'm here, I'm fine, please don't give up on meWhy 'put yourself out there, just make more effort, have them over' is telling you to spend the exact thing you've run out ofWhat actually works with an empty tank: the low-fuel, no-apology text, dropping the bar, and letting the friendship be uneven and survive anywayFREE RESOURCESEnergy Accounting Guide — mentioned in the episode — budget your energy for your real capacity, not what you think you should be doing — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Household Family Meeting Template — for the load underneath 'there are no leftovers' — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/PAID RESOURCESADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/RELATED EPISODESSchool Pick-Up Can Be Draining! How to Stop Overthinking & Save Your Social Energy — S2 EP65, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-65-school-pick-up-can-be-draining-how-to-stop-overthinking-save-your-social-energy/QUICK RESET: I Cancel Plans Because I Don't Have the Energy to Fake My Personality — S3 EP14, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-14-quick-reset-i-cancel-plans-because-i-dont-have-the-energy-to-fake-my-personality/You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now. — S3 EP35, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/Too Much? Or Just Misunderstood: ADHD, RSD & the Power of Emotional Intensity — S2 EP83, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-83-too-much-or-just-misunderstood-adhd-rsd-the-power-of-emotional-intensity/

From the outside, she's on top of it. Then something small happens — a cold, a bad night, one extra thing — and the whole thing collapses. And she decides the collapse is the problem. She needs to be better. More disciplined. Try harder.But the collapse isn't the problem. The collapse is information. The problem is that she's been running her whole life on a system that was never built for her brain — and every time it falls over, she reads it as proof that she's the thing that's broken. Rachel Few is back, and this one is about the loop underneath all of it: if I could just try harder. Why effort was rewarded your whole life, why it stopped working the moment you had kids, and what it actually takes to stop surviving and start thriving — not the influencer version with the one massage and the full cup, the real one.CHAPTERS00:00 — The collapse isn't the problem. The collapse is information.02:07 — Why 'just try harder' worked for years — until it didn't03:12 — Jane's two years out of school, and the effort trap hiding inside a success story04:36 — Add kids, and the sprint you can't run as a marathon05:42 — Fight or flight: why you can't get the drone view of your own life06:41 — Why every mum deserves a coach, and nobody questions it for a marathon06:56 — The homework trap — leaving every appointment with more to do09:02 — Why women keep landing back on 'I'm the problem'10:25 — Effort that's purposeful vs effort that's just doing, doing, doing11:26 — 'I've done years of therapy but I still can't get the shopping done'13:22 — When to go back and unpack, and when to stay in the here and now15:27 — The Friday meltdown that actually started on Monday16:48 — The map: why women stop feeling like they're winging it17:45 — The wine-and-big-plans trap, and Jane's real conversation with her husband20:15 — The rugby coaching question — is it the thing you want, or one of four?23:38 — Doing the mapping for our kids but never for ourselves26:35 — Her one takeaway: cancel half a dayRESOURCES & REFERENCESFor more on Rachel Few — https://rachelfew.com/Free ResourcesADHD Physical Health & Emotional Wellbeing Kit — for the burnout and the body-keeps-score part — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-physical-health-emotional-wellbeing-kit/Paid ResourcesADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning — the closest thing to the 'what fills my cup, what goes, where are my spoons' mapping Rachel walks through — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-reset-workbook-values-energy-planning-for-adhd-mums/ADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related EpisodesOverstimulated Before 7am — And No One Sees the Work — with Rachel Few — her first episode, one of the most-consumed on the show — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/What Is Underneath the Mask? Uncovering Who You Are After Diagnosis — S2 EP17, with Tanya Hicks — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-17-underneath-the-mask-uncovering-who-you-are-after-diagnosis/Burnout, Pain & Weird Symptoms? The ADHD Link No One Told Us About — S2 EP62, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-62-burnout-pain-weird-symptoms-the-adhd-link-no-one-told-us-about/Preventing Burnout: The Power of Setting Boundaries — S2 EP37, with Kara Lynch — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-37-adhd-autism-or-both-karas-story-of-burnout-and-sensory-overload/About the GuestRachel Few runs Neurodivergent Counselling and Mentoring on the Sunshine Coast — telehealth, available Australia-wide. As a social worker, former school counsellor, and neurodivergent mother herself, her approach is holistic and body-centred: working with the nervous system as much as the brain.Website: https://rachelfew.com — free 15-minute connection calls available via her site.

Your best friend leaves a box of tampons on your doorstep on the worst day of your fortnight — no fuss, no waiting around, just quietly handling the piece of the nightmare nobody else saw. And you well up. Real tears. And then you wait ten minutes to make sure she's gone before you'll even open the door, delete the thank-you you started typing, and walk off. Because you could not have said it to her face if someone paid you.If you're the woman who leaves a gift on a doorstep and runs, who dodges goodbyes with people she loves, who can't stand inside a thank you — you've probably filed that away as proof you're cold. Broken in the part where you're meant to feel things. This episode is Jane pulling that file back out and finding the opposite: it's not that the love is missing. It might be flooding. Masking, surface acting, and the wall that goes up right where other people let love in — and why every piece of advice you've been given points you the wrong way.CHAPTERS00:00 — Twenty-one, on an Emirates training flight, and my face is the problem01:34 — Learning the Barbie-princess smile in the mirror02:32 — The box of tampons, and the door I couldn't open04:45 — Ten minutes, a deleted text, and walking off in tears05:31 — The filing cabinet: 'there's something wrong with me,' opened at 2am06:22 — The goodbyes I swerve, the thank-yous I can't stand in07:43 — 'I'm not cold. I cried over a box of tampons.'08:33 — The real problem: a feeling with no volume control08:56 — What was actually happening on those flights13:46 — Surface acting: the sociologist who studied this in 198316:05 — Two settings — perform the okay face, or leave18:49 — Why every piece of 'just be present' advice fails someone like me20:55 — The therapy this is secretly built on — ACT, and acting on what you value23:00 — The moment was never the love. The tampons mattering that much was.25:04 — What I'd do differently: feel it, then send something real by text26:50 — You get to love people in your own wayWHAT WE COVERThe Emirates training flight where Jane was told, over and over, that her technically-perfect service didn't matter — her face didLearning to perform the 'Barbie princess' smile in the mirror, and what years of that installs in a nervous systemThe box of tampons on the doorstep — one of the kindest things anyone's ever done for her — and why she waited for her friend to leave before she'd open the doorThe 2am filing cabinet labelled 'there's something wrong with me,' and the subtheme she found inside itThe goodbyes she actively swerves, the gifts she leaves 'like a robber,' and the years of reading all of it as proof she's coldThe reframe: it was never a missing feeling — it's a feeling that arrives with no volume control, like a flood, with nowhere safe to show itWhat was really happening on those flights — the workers, the conditions, the smiling over something that was not fine — and how surface acting burns you outWhy every piece of standard advice — slow down, be present, make eye contact, receive it properly — aims you straight at the exact thing your body evacuates for a reasonThe evidence-based therapy this is secretly built on, and the one shift inside it that changes everythingWhat Jane would do differently now — and the real, texted, kitchen-bench version of 'thank you' that works for a nervous system like hersFREE RESOURCESADHD Physical Health & Emotional Wellbeing Kit — for the emotional-regulation and burnout side of years of masking — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-physical-health-emotional-wellbeing-kit/Energy Accounting Guide — for the cost of surface acting, day after day — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/PAID RESOURCESADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/RELATED EPISODESToo Much? Or Just Misunderstood: ADHD, RSD & the Power of Emotional Intensity — S2 EP83, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-83-too-much-or-just-misunderstood-adhd-rsd-the-power-of-emotional-intensity/An RSD Story. Taking My Own Advice — S1 EP9, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/an-rsd-story-taking-my-own-advice-s1-ep9/You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now. — S3 EP35, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/Masking & ADHD — S1 EP11, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/masking-adhd-s1-ep11/REFERENCES & FURTHER READINGOn 'surface acting' — the 1983 flight-attendant research: Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling. University of California Press.On Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): an evidence-based therapy built on acting in line with your values rather than waiting to feel the 'right' feeling first. The most widely used plain-language ACT resource in Australia is Dr Russ Harris's The Happiness Trap.

Have you ever answered a simple question with the whole real answer — and watched the room go a particular kind of quiet? Have you ever lain awake at 2am running back one thing you said in a group chat three years ago, certain everyone clocked it the way you did? Have you ever walked out of a room having already decided you were the too-much one before anyone said a word?There's a reason your brain gave the director's cut when everyone else gave three sentences. It's not the reason you've been telling yourself.CHAPTERS00:16 — The plastic chair, the room going quiet, and knowing before you know why00:46 — Six weeks postpartum, new town, no family, no one to talk to but her husband01:11 — The things about babies nobody says out loud because they're 'obvious'02:33 — Why she joined a mother's group, and the morning it all went sideways03:27 — Twenty minutes late, sweaty, in her husband's vomit-swapped T-shirt04:13 — Bows, baptism outfits and homemade plates: the prep she didn't know about05:29 — Three questions. Name, baby's name, the birth. Easy.06:07 — What recent trauma does when someone kindly asks you to tell it08:00 — The Wi-Fi freeze: watching the room drop out in real time09:00 — Morning tea, the decaf, and 'where the f*ck are we?'10:01 — Kate's three sentences, and the instruction Jane never heard11:30 — The most embarrassing moment, and the one heading she filed it under for years12:44 — Going back into the room with the lens she has now12:55 — The two filters: the words she heard vs the contract underneath them14:00 — The freeze wasn't a verdict — it was sorting happening in front of her14:49 — Why it was actually the most efficient thing she's ever done15:10 — The next week: the biscuits, the permanent marker, the friend for life16:43 — The pram that rolled past the window on its own17:24 — Watching the room split again — who moves away, who leans in18:11 — Told to be less your whole life — and why she won't join that group19:14 — Being an adult: let people move towards you or away, but let them choose20:11 — Telling everyone who you are up front, and the door it leaves openRESOURCES & REFERENCESFree ResourcesAfter Your Diagnosis Kit — for the 'oh, that's why I've always done that' realisation —https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mum-after-diagnosis-kit/Paid ResourcesNavigating School Pick-Up & Social Settings — the guide Jane names in this episode: how ADHD and autistic mums read social situations, how neurotypical people do, and how to bridge the gap — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/surviving-school-pick-up/ADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning — for the days the too-much shame has flattened you — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-reset-workbook-values-energy-planning-for-adhd-mums/ADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related EpisodesIs It Social Anxiety — or Is It Autism — S3, with Amanda Moses — the 'said too much, read the room wrong' feeling — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-34-is-it-social-anxiety-or-is-it-autism-with-amanda-moses/Too Much? Or Just Misunderstood: ADHD, RSD & Emotional Intensity — Jane solo — the after-sting of 'too much' — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-83-too-much-or-just-misunderstood-adhd-rsd-the-power-of-emotional-intensity/The Untold Struggles of Motherhood (Part 1) — Jane solo — new-baby isolation, no support —https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-45-the-untold-struggles-of-motherhood-part-1/Is It ADHD or Motherhood? — Jane solo — the invisible rulebook nobody hands you —https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-is-it-adhd-or-motherhood-solo-episode/

For thirty years, ADHD has had one wanted poster. Loud, can't sit still, disrupting the class, talking back — a boy. And you weren't him. So you walked past every checkpoint in your life — the GP, the teachers, the report cards, the parent-teacher nights — and nobody stopped you. Maybe someone said you were bright, you just needed to apply yourself. Maybe you got 'conscientious' on every report card. And conscientious doesn't go with ADHD, does it?Three different women can all have ADHD. All three can walk straight past that same poster on the wall, and not one of them gets stopped — because not one of them looks like the sketch. This episode is Jane putting three new posters up: the inattentive mum told to try harder, the 'too much' mum who apologises for her personality before she's said a word, and the 'fine' mum everyone leans on who's hanging off a cliff on the inside. See if you find your own face on the wall.Take the self-test: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/768431/173992641938064622/shareChapters 00:00 — The one wanted poster ADHD has had for thirty years01:25 — Three women, one poster, and why none of them get stopped02:17 — Who drew the poster — and why the quiet ones were never in the sketch03:54 — One Monday morning, one clock, four different mothers04:32 — The neurotypical mum, and where the difference actually shows up05:54 — Profile 1: the inattentive mum, told her whole life to try harder07:36 — The planner graveyard — six apps, four planners, three years of fresh starts08:17 — Profile 2: the mum who's always been 'too much'09:12 — Apologising for your personality before the conversation starts09:39 — The drive home, and the tape that runs every single time11:00 — Profile 3: the mum everyone says is 'fine'11:50 — 'I don't know how you do it' — and why it doesn't land as a compliment12:54 — Why she only rests when her body reaches up and stops her13:35 — The real reason so many of us slipped through — it didn't cost anyone else15:07 — If you've just been diagnosed: the relief, the grief, and what you can put down15:56 — How we actually redraw the posterWhat We CoverThe single wanted poster ADHD has been diagnosed against for thirty years — and why your face was never on itWhy 'conscientious' on every report card was a signal everyone read backwardsOne ordinary Monday school run, four mothers, one clock — and the four completely different mornings happening behind the same front doorsProfile 1, the inattentive mum: the permission slip she looked at on four separate nights, and why no planner, app or alarm has ever heldThe difference between a neurotypical mum forgetting the form and an ADHD mum forgetting it — it's not the forgetting, it's what happens nextProfile 2, the 'too much' mum: the verbal hyperactivity nobody put on a poster, and the tape that runs on every drive homeWhy apologising for your own personality before you've started talking should be a diagnostic tick in its own rightProfile 3, the mum everyone calls 'fine': the one who looks the most together and is the closest to the edge, and why 'I don't know how you do it' makes her feel more aloneThe uncomfortable answer to why so many of us went undiagnosed — not because our ADHD was lighter, but because it only ever cost usWhat there is to feel if you've been diagnosed late — the relief, the grief for what might have been — and the part of it you're allowed to put downHow the poster actually gets redrawn, and the one small thing that starts itFree ResourcesPreparing for Diagnosis — for the 'oh, that's me' moment, and what to do next — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/preparing-for-diagnosis/After Your Diagnosis Kit — for the relief-and-grief part, if you've already been diagnosed — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mum-after-diagnosis-kit/Paid ResourcesPre-Diagnosis Workbook — the deeper 'get clear before you spend money on an assessment' version — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/prediagnosisworkbook/Assessment & Diagnosis Bundle — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/bundle-adhd-diagnosis-assessment-guides/Related EpisodesToo Much? Or Just Misunderstood: ADHD, RSD & the Power of Emotional Intensity — S2 EP83, Jane solo — the deep dive on the 'too much' profile — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-83-too-much-or-just-misunderstood-adhd-rsd-the-power-of-emotional-intensity/ADHD or PTSD? Why So Many Women Are Misdiagnosed — S2 EP82, with Amanda Moses — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-82-adhd-or-ptsd-why-so-many-women-are-misdiagnosed-with-amanda-moses/ADHD Mum: What You Need to Know After Your Diagnosis — S2 EP55, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-55-adhd-mum-what-you-need-to-know-after-your-diagnosis-solo-episode-with-jane-mcfadden/

In the Facebook group there's a pattern that comes up again and again: the mum grows. She gets the kids assessed, she starts to recognise herself, she does the reading and the therapy and the work — and the husband lags behind. He won't consider that he's neurodivergent, or the problem is always someone else. The kids. The school. Her. And underneath it all is the question so many women are actually asking: how do I get him to see it, and is it even worth staying?Emily Jade O'Keeffe's story runs the whole thing backwards. Her husband got diagnosed first — but only after they'd separated for 18 months, after the mudslinging and the lawyers, after she'd rebuilt herself from the floor up. This is the rare positive one: what happened when the diagnosis finally came, why she chose to help him when almost nobody would have, and the single question a marriage counsellor gave her that changed everything — 'is it arsehole or ADHD?'CHAPTERS00:00 — Meet Emily Jade O'Keeffe — 30 years in radio, and why she drove up from the Gold Coast02:46 — The order most families discover it in — and why Emily's ran backwards03:46 — 18 months apart: 'I was devastated, and he said can you just get over it'06:07 — Rock bottom, and the call that started with 'you were right'08:17 — 'I removed myself from the marriage and the problem was still there'09:17 — The groceries, the tone, and the pressure that was never actually there10:15 — PDA — a name for the thing Emily had been living without knowing13:00 — The first six months: lawyers, mudslinging, and the awakening that stopped it16:50 — 'I'll dance with my daughter's dad at her wedding' — the line that set the path20:00 — 'I can't be the problem again' — why she wouldn't just take him back23:30 — 'Is it arsehole or ADHD?' — the counsellor question that changed how they fight26:00 — Woo back or woo up — how they actually communicate now28:00 — The one thing she'd tell you to do first — and it isn't about himWhat We CoverThe pattern Jane sees constantly in the group — the mum who grows while the partner stays certain the problem is everyone else — and how Emily's story ran the opposite wayWhat 18 months of separation actually looked like: the lawyers, the grief, and the slow realisation that leaving didn't fix the thing that was wrongThe moment her husband hit rock bottom and came back to the person he'd hurt most — and why she said yesHow undiagnosed ADHD and autism had been quietly rewiring every conversation — the groceries, the 'I miss you,' the pressure that was only ever in his own headPDA — the framework Jane raises that gave a name to years of Emily's confusion (see the note below on the terminology)Why Emily refused to simply reunite — 'I can't be the problem again' — and what she required insteadThe Jennifer Garner line that reset her whole approach to co-parentingThe marriage counsellor's question that changed how they argue — 'is it arsehole or ADHD?' — and why a reason isn't the same as an excuseWhat Emily says actually has to happen before a resistant partner will change — and the honest, uncomfortable truth about waiting for rock bottomThe one thing she'd tell any woman to do first, and it has nothing to do with himRELATED EPISODES:Struggling to Understand ADHD? Here's What Your Partner Needs You to Know — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-58-struggling-to-understand-adhd-heres-what-your-partner-needs-you-to-know/Is PDA Real and What Can We Do About It? (with Michelle Garnett) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-30-could-it-be-pda-exploring-the-signs-and-why-its-different-from-odd/Co-Parenting Amidst Diagnosis Disagreements (with Alana Manix) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-1-co-parenting-amidst-diagnosis-disagreements/FREE RESOURCESPreparing for Diagnosis — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/preparing-for-diagnosis/Emily Jade O'Keeffe is a much-loved Gold Coast media personality, and co-host of the number one breakfast show, Galey & Emily Jade, on 102.9 Hot Tomato. With more than 30 years in radio, television and media, Emily is also the co-creator and co-host of the Move Over Mama podcast alongside her teenage daughter, Millie. A wife and mother of two, Emily brings warmth, humour and honesty to all her audiences.Move Over Mama and Emily Jade's IG here

The mental load starts as the thing you can laugh about — the admin, the medal for mowing the lawn. And then, somewhere underneath it, it stops being funny. It's the sentence that comes out of your mouth before you can stop it: 'would you mind having the kids on Saturday so I can get a haircut' — asking the other parent for their own children like you're lodging annual leave with HR. It's 'they were so good while you were gone,' and knowing 'good' meant nobody got fed. It's being so tired of being the only adult in the building that you stop being angry and just go quiet.This is Part 3, the last in the series, and it's the heavy one. It begins with a laugh and then it lets that laugh go. This one is for you, on your own, with your headphones in — and if you're right on the edge of exasperation today, Jane's honest recommendation is that you save this one for another day. Built entirely from what you wrote in. Support links are in the notes below.CHAPTERS00:00 — The last one. It starts funny, then it doesn't.00:44 — 'I shouldn't have to book my own kids in like it's annual leave'01:37 — Watch where the school emails go — and the 11-day anaphylaxis email03:37 — 'It was so easy while you were gone.' Was it though?05:41 — The 7am text from Cassie, and what Jane wrote back without thinking07:32 — 'I'm not even angry anymore. I'm just so tired of being the only adult.'07:46 — The nine-year-old asked to regulate himself while the 39-year-old isn't11:33 — The question underneath all of it: are these women still with them?12:37 — 'Supportive of what?' — when the pat on the back keeps you carrying it14:39 — The economy of gratitude — his effort is a gift, yours is the weather15:03 — 'He's cheaper than hiring someone' — the accounting that holds women in place16:58 — Why this lands twice as hard on an ADHD mum — the load that has no gender, and the one that does20:52 — Why leaving isn't the easy answer, and the thing nobody says about single-mother poverty22:38 — This series was never mine. It was yours.What We CoverThe sentence so many women said comes out of their mouths and they don't know how they got there — asking the other parent to mind their own kidsWhere the pattern hides in plain sight — whose inbox the school actually emails, and the 11-day reply to an anaphylaxis email that says everything'It was so easy while you were gone' — what 'good' actually meant, and where the bar for care got leftThe 7am text from a friend that Jane laughed at before she worried, and the moment it turned from a joke into something realThe messages about children being asked to manage their emotions while a grown adult in the same house isn't — and what it costs the kid who gives up on a parentThe question that started sitting under every message — are these women still with their partners, and if it's this hard, why do we stay?'Supportive of what?' — the uncomfortable idea that the comfort itself might be the thing keeping you carrying all of itA sociologist's phrase you can't unhear — why his effort gets thanked and yours becomes the weatherWhy this exact load lands twice as hard on an ADHD mum — the part that has no gender, and the part that absolutely doesThe honest, un-tidy truth about why leaving isn't a clean answer — and the structural thing nobody wants to name

**This episode is general information only and is not medical advice. If any of it applies to you, please talk it through with your own GP or psychiatrist**Have you ever walked out of a psychiatrist's office more confused than when you walked in? Not sure what just happened, whether you got a diagnosis, what you were supposed to ask, or whether the thing you were terrified of — coming across like you were just there for the stimulants — is exactly what you did. For a lot of women getting an ADHD assessment at 40, the appointment itself is the black box. Nobody tells you the order to see a GP, psychologist and psychiatrist in, what happens if your school reports are gone and your parents have died, why they start you on one medication and not another, or what a drug holiday actually is.So this week Jane sat a psychiatrist down and asked him to open the box. Dr Brendan Daugherty walks through the whole thing — the pathway, the assessment, how they choose your first medication, and the one thing that makes these appointments go better. Bring the questions you've been too embarrassed to ask.CHAPTERS00:00 — Walking out more confused than when you walked in02:36 — GP, psychologist, psychiatrist — the actual order, and when to skip a step04:38 — Have the waitlists really improved? A straight answer05:44 — The two kinds of women who book an assessment — which one are you?09:50 — 'ADHD is a bit like a shield' — and what's underneath when the medication lifts it13:19 — 'I'm scared I'll look like I'm drug seeking' — the post Jane sees every week15:26 — How a psychiatrist spots the woman who's masked her whole life and looks fine16:56 — No school reports, parents gone — how do you even get diagnosed? (evidence before 12)19:15 — The squat-rack phone call that diagnosed Jane's ADHD in real time23:23 — How they actually choose your first medication — first-line vs second-line25:28 — Long-acting or short-acting, and why it's not one-size-fits-all26:18 — Drug holidays: why they're prescribed, and why the evidence is weaker than you think29:34 — What's changing in psychiatry for women — hormones, the cycle, and menopauseWhat We CoverWhy so many women walk out of the appointment with no idea what just happened — and the questions nobody tells you to bringThe actual order to see a GP, psychologist and psychiatrist in, when you can skip a step, and when doubling up is a waste of your moneyThe two completely different reasons women book an assessment — and why knowing which one you are changes where you should bookWhat Brendan means when he says attention problems aren't always ADHD — the medical and hormonal things a rushed assessment misses'ADHD is a bit like a shield' — the conversation about what surfaces when the medication lifts it, and why Jane went back to short-actingThe post Jane sees in the Facebook group every single week — 'I'm terrified I'll look like I'm drug seeking' — and exactly how a psychiatrist actually hears thatHow a psychiatrist recognises the woman who's held it all together on the outside and is burnt out underneathWhat happens when you don't have school reports and your parents have died — how the 'evidence before 12' rule actually works in practiceHow they choose which medication to start you on, first-line versus second-line, long-acting versus short — in plain EnglishDrug holidays — why they get prescribed, why the evidence is weaker than it sounds, and what that means for your Saturday sport chaosWhat's genuinely changing for women in ADHD care — the hormonal picture, the menstrual cycle, and menopauseFree ResourcesPreparing for Diagnosis — for the mum wondering if it's ADHD and what to do next — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/preparing-for-diagnosis/Paid ResourcesPre-Diagnosis Workbook — the deeper version of 'get clear before you spend the money on an assessment' — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/prediagnosisworkbook/Related EpisodesHow to Get a Diagnosis in Australia (Part 1) — S1 EP7, with Dr Jacinta Thomson — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/s1-ep7-how-to-get-a-diagnosis-in-australia-part-1/ADHD Medication: Stimulants vs Non-Stimulants — S2 EP40, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-40-adhd-medication-stimulants-vs-non-stimulants-solo-episode-with-jane-mcfadden/About the GuestDr Brendan Daugherty is a child, adolescent, adult and forensic psychiatrist and a Fellow of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists. He's the co-founder of Pandion Health, an Australian telehealth platform providing specialist-led ADHD assessment and ongoing care for adults and children.You can find Brendan here:Website: https://www.pandionhealth.com.auInstagram: @itsdrbrendan (and the clinic, @pandionhealth)LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brendandaugherty/

The mental load is not the doing. Everyone thinks it's the doing. It's the buy now, pay later maths you run when your partner tells you to rest — the hour you lie down and spend the whole hour calculating what this hour is costing you tomorrow. It's being the default parent, the one whose invisible labour only gets noticed the second it stops. And then, into that, walks the one who did the single most visible job in the house and needs you to see it. He mowed the lawn. He unpacked the dishwasher. Once. And he's standing in the middle of the kitchen, glowing, waiting for the medal.CHAPTERS00:00 — 'You rest, take a load off' — and why every woman's shoulders just went up01:35 — Buy now, pay later: what an hour of rest actually costs you02:39 — Dani, patron saint of this episode, and her four voice memos03:19 — Kat's dishwasher, the border collie, and the dead bird at your feet04:06 — 'Did you see the lawn?' The line that named the whole episode06:37 — The barbecue vasectomy story (you'll want to sit down)08:31 — The 3am texts, where it stops being funny — the wet bed, his one turn09:42 — 'I'm stressed about the mess. What are you going to do about it?'11:04 — The head lice question that broke everyone: 'or did you just decide that?'12:15 — Why is it always her? Susan Walzer, 1996, and thinking vs doing12:38 — He doesn't just do less. He's reading a different ledger.13:33 — Why this isn't gaslighting — and why that makes it harder to fix15:31 — What doesn't work: the chart, the PowerPoint, the tagging him in articles15:50 — What actually works: handing over whole domains, not tasks17:20 — How same-sex couples split it, and why they had to do it out loud19:55 — 'You're a bit of a perfectionist' — what he actually means when he says itWhat We CoverWhy 'you rest, I've got it' makes every woman's shoulders climb up around her ears — and the brutal maths hiding inside that hour of 'rest'The border collie, the dead bird, and the exact face a partner makes when he's unpacked the dishwasher once and needs you to noticeThe listener line that named this whole episode — and what she really wanted to say backThe barbecue vasectomy story, which has to be heard to be believed, and what six women two metres away were actually doing while he told itThe 3am texts, where the funny runs out — the wet bed and the one night it was his turn, and what he suggested instead of changing the sheetsThe head lice question that undid everyone — three little words that turned a job she'd been doing for three months into something she'd apparently inventedWhy it's her doing the tracking, the meds, the mattress — a piece of 1996 research, and a newer one that's sharper and more unsettlingWhy he isn't lying and isn't gaslighting when he says the house is fine — he's genuinely reading a different ledger, and that's the bit that's hard to fixThe three things that don't work (you've tried all three), and the one thing that does — and it isn't a better chore chartWhat a man actually means when he calls you a perfectionist — this one's going on a tea towelFree ResourcesHousehold Family Meeting Template — the closest thing to the 'hand over whole domains' conversation this episode is really about — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/Paid ResourcesPre-Diagnosis Workbook — for the mum who's listening to this and starting to wonder about herself — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/prediagnosisworkbook/ADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related EpisodesThe Admin Husband: 'Do We Have Parmesan?' — Part 1 of this series —https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/adhd-invisible-load/ What We Wish Our Partners Knew About the Mental Load — And How to Truly Support Us — S2 EP75 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-75-what-we-wish-our-partners-knew-about-the-mental-load-and-how-to-truly-support-us/Making the Invisible Mental Load Visible: How to Share the Load Without the Stress (Part 3) — S2 EP73 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-73-making-the-invisible-mental-load-visible-how-to-share-the-load-without-the-stress-part-3/The Invisible Job: Being the One Who Holds Everything Together — S3 — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-job-being-the-one-who-holds-everything-together/References & Further ReadingWalzer, S. (1996). Thinking About the Baby: Gender and Divisions of Infant Care. Social Problems, 43(2), 219–234. https://doi.org/10.2307/3096999(The 1996 study Jane cites — women do the thinking, men do the doing.)Daminger, A. (2019). The Cognitive Dimension of Household Labor. American Sociological Review, 84(4), 609–633. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122419859007(The four stages: anticipate, identify, decide, monitor — decision-making is shared, everything else falls on women.)On same-sex couples splitting cognitive labour more evenly:Pinho, M. & Gaunt, R. (2023). The management of cognitive labour in same-gender couples. PLoS ONE. (Same-gender couples negotiate the division explicitly rather than defaulting.)On the newer 'different perceptions of the same household' research:Weeks, A. C. & Ruppanner, L. (2024). A typology of US parents' mental loads: Core and episodic cognitive labor. Journal of Marriage and Family. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.13057

Someone sent you the clip. Or your friend messaged about it. Or your mother-in-law forwarded it without comment and you sat there for a minute knowing exactly what she meant by that. The Diary of a CEO episode with Erica Komisar — the one saying ADHD isn't real, it's a stress response, and if your child has it the inconvenient truth is that you caused it. Two and a half hours long. Fifteen million subscribers. Ranked second on Spotify globally. So it doesn't stay in the episode — it gets clipped and reposted and lands in your DMs.This is the debunk. Senior psychologist and ADHD assessor Amanda Moses is back — the actual person who spends her days doing the assessments. Fourteen years in the field, Australia and the UK. Amanda pulls the clips apart word by word. The genetics. The 'malpractice' claim about medication. The 1950s theory this whole episode is quietly rebuilding under a new name.CHAPTERS00:00 — The email from a listener that made me pick up the phone to Amanda01:00 — What Erica Komisar is, and what she isn't02:30 — Clip 1: 'ADHD isn't a disorder. It's a stress response.'03:20 — Why the drop-the-D movement isn't about stress — and the heritability she's leaving out06:03 — Clip 2: 'There is no genetic precursor to ADHD.'07:30 — One minute there's no gene. The next minute there is. Which is it?13:37 — Clip 3: 'The way we treat ADHD is malpractice.'14:35 — Amanda on her own medication, and 'what do you mean people walk around like this for free?'23:37 — Clip 4: 'When your child gets an ADHD diagnosis, the first thing you should do is see a therapist.'25:17 — Refrigerator mother. 1950s. Same architecture. New diagnosis.29:07 — Where Erica raised her children. And what she could afford to sacrifice.33:17 — The economics that make her advice a fantasy for anyone under fifty36:31 — Amanda's take-home: you did not cause thisWhat We CoverThe email from a listener that made Jane stop what she was doing and pick up the phone to AmandaWhat Erica Komisar is not — three qualifications she doesn't hold, one of which will surprise youThe exact quote from clip one that Amanda says has nothing to do with the actual conversation the field is havingThe number Steven Bartlett read out to Erica that she then argued didn't existThe 1950s theory about mothers that was dismantled decades ago — and the sentence in this podcast that revives it word for wordWhat Amanda said about her own medication that Jane says she wishes someone had said to her three years earlierThe scaffolding Erica had that made her parenting choices possible — and why no woman under fifty has that same scaffolding nowThe one sentence Jane wanted on the record because she couldn't say it professionally — Amanda's response is why you love herAmanda's one take-home if your stomach dropped listening to that clip and you don't know where to go with the guiltFree ResourcesHousehold Family Meeting Template — for the load this episode is really talking about — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/Explaining ADHD to Kids Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/explaining-adhd-to-kids-parents-guide/Paid ResourcesADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related EpisodesADHD or PTSD? Why So Many Women Are Misdiagnosed — S2 EP82, with Amanda Moses — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-82-adhd-or-ptsd-why-so-many-women-are-misdiagnosed-with-amanda-moses/Is It Social Anxiety — or Is It Autism? — S3 EP34, with Amanda Moses — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-34-is-it-social-anxiety-or-is-it-autism-with-amanda-moses/References & Further ReadingOn ADHD heritability (the 74–80% figure):Faraone, S. V. & Larsson, H. (2019). Genetics of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Molecular Psychiatry, 24(4), 562–575. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-018-0070-0On the polygenic architecture Amanda references (many genes, small individual effect):Demontis, D. et al. (2019). Discovery of the first genome-wide significant risk loci for attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Nature Genetics, 51(1), 63–75. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41588-018-0269-7On the 'refrigerator mother' theory Amanda names:The term originated with Leo Kanner in the 1940s and was popularised through the 1950s and 60s (most notably by Bruno Bettelheim). It was dismantled from the 1960s onward as autism's biological and genetic basis was established.About Amanda MosesAmanda Moses is a senior psychologist, board-approved supervisor, and ADHD and autism assessor with over 14 years of clinical experience across Australia and the UK. She specialises in complex assessments — the ones that don't fit neatly inside the box.Amanda offers clinical training and accessible resources for community members looking to understand autism and ADHD more holistically. Amanda's 'Understanding Neurodivergence Series' combine research, lived experience and practical reflection tools in a way that is clear and easy to follow. In 2026, the series was fully redesigned in collaboration with a professional designer and accessibility expert to improve visual accessibility and overall usability, while maintaining clinical depth. They are written for both therapists and neurodivergent people who want to better understand autistic and ADHD experiences. Each guide includes structured explanations and worksheets that can be used in therapy or independently. The focus is on supporting learning, self-understanding and strengths-based reflection in a way that is respectful and genuinely neurodiversity-affirming.Understanding Neurodivergence Series: https://www.amandamosespsychology.com.au/clinicalresources/?categories[]=understanding-neurodivergence-series#category-tilesAmanda's Instagram

The mental load is the thing you couldn't name for years — the invisible mental load that means one adult in the house knows when library day is and one adult keeps asking. The one who anticipates, identifies, decides, and monitors, and the one who stands next to the dishwasher and shouts through to the lounge room to ask if it's clean. You've known the pattern for years. You've done the therapy. You've read the book. You've made the 1.2-metre colour-coded family planner. And he still texts you from home, from within arm's reach of the fridge, to ask about the Parmesan.This week the ADHD Mums Facebook group broke open. So many messages, voice notes, and 4am DMs from women hiding in their own ensuites that Jane's had to split it into three episodes. This is Part 1 — the Admin Husband. Part 2 is the Gold Medal Husband next week. Part 3 is coming.CHAPTERS00:00 — The Facebook post that broke the internet00:27 — Lisa. 4am. From inside her own ensuite. Husband asleep in the next room.01:23 — Please stop asking us what time school pickup is02:03 — Renee: 'I made the calendar. I bought the calendar. I put it up. I synced it to your phone.'03:32 — Do men use Siri? A serious question.04:59 — The 1.2-metre colour-coded family planner he walks past every single day06:47 — He texts her the address of the program she set up, booked, paid for and drives to every week09:26 — Parmesan. He's at the fridge. She's in Adelaide.10:55 — The T-shirt drawer that hasn't moved in three years12:20 — The 36-minute toilet holiday, and what he's actually doing in there14:18 — Alison Daminger's four stages of the mental load — and which one he only turns up for16:35 — Affordance perception: he isn't ignoring the crumbs. He genuinely can't see them.19:16 — Same-sex couples don't do this. Which tells you something.21:53 — 'Accidentally, lovingly raising the next man to look at a bench and just see a bench.'22:36 — 'Just ask me if you need help.' Why that sentence is worse than no help.What We CoverThe Facebook post that unleashed more DMs and voice notes than anything else on the show — including one from a woman messaging at 4am from inside her own ensuite while her husband slept in the next roomWhat Renee has done to try and stop her husband asking her what's on today for the seventh time before 9am — and why none of it workedThe 1.2-metre colour-coded family planner one member has installed on her wall. Her husband walks past it every single day. He hasn't looked at it once. She's been tracking.Why he can find the remote. Why he can conduct a full detective investigation into a missing beer. And why the billboard is invisible.The Parmesan text. From another state. Not a rhetorical device — a real message.A sociologist who broke the mental load into four stages, and the one stage he actually turns up forTwo philosophers on why your partner isn't lying when he says he doesn't see the bench. He's not seeing it the way you're seeing it — and this is the bit that stopped Jane in her tracksWhat the research on same-sex households is actually telling us — and it's not that men's brains are differentThe 36-minute toilet holiday. The medical event. What he's really doing in there.Why answering him when he shouts through from the kitchen is the exact thing that keeps you SiriThe sentence a Facebook group member said out loud that Jane hasn't been able to stop thinking about since — 'I'm accidentally, lovingly raising the next man to look at a bench and just see a bench'Free ResourcesHousehold Family Meeting Template — for moving off stage-three-only and onto shared stages one and two — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/The ADHD Mums Facebook Group — where this whole episode came from, and where Part 2 and 3 are being built right now — https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastPaid ResourcesADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related Episodes (the mental load / invisible labour series)The Invisible Job: Being the One Who Holds Everything Together — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-job-being-the-one-who-holds-everything-together/The Invisible Coordination Load: Why ADHD Mums Carry the Work Systems Won't — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/The Hidden Cost of Being the Good Girl — How the Mental Load Became Ours — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/References & Further ReadingDaminger, A. (2019). The Cognitive Dimension of Household Labor. American Sociological Review, 84(4), 609–633. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122419859007Affordance perception — a framework from ecological philosophy (originating with James J. Gibson, developed further in gender and household-labour applications). This is a philosophical framework, not a clinical psychology finding. Cited as one lens that fits the pattern, not as a settled explanation.

You know good girl conditioning because you've lived it. The self-editing. The 'whatever you want.' The 'I don't mind.' You spent your twenties in the wrong careers and your thirties in therapy, and you're still catching yourself doing it in your forties. And now you're watching your neurodivergent daughter start — the compliant one, the helpful one — and you don't know how to name it, let alone stop it.CHAPTERS00:00 — What the good girl actually loses (and nobody in the room notices)02:16 — Interoception: the missing piece for a whole generation of mums03:52 — Why you picked the worst careers and environments for you06:35 — The nervous system cost nobody counts — going to the toilet on a bell09:50 — The moment you edited yourself out before anyone even noticed10:47 — Rachel's grade one birthday party, and what her mum saw12:32 — The mum rage that arrived when it was her daughter's turn15:14 — The four scripts that work better than any book or worksheet19:17 — What we're actually reinforcing when we praise 'easy' behaviour19:52 — The girls who look calm in the front row and panic on the inside22:00 — The pool. The water slide. The moment Jane couldn't watch it anymore28:03 — 'I don't mind' — the one thing every mum needs to understand about itWhat We CoverThe one thing every good girl loses first, and it's not confidence — it's the ability to feel what's happening inside her own bodyWhy you picked the worst possible jobs, cities and relationships in your twenties, and never once asked yourself the question that would have saved youWhat Rachel's mum watched her do at her own sixth birthday party — and the template it set for the next thirty yearsThe moment Rachel had to physically walk out of her own daughter's bedroom before she said something she couldn't take backWhy the kids who need therapy aren't always the ones throwing chairs — sometimes they're the ones with their hand up in the front rowThe scene at the pool that Jane couldn't unsee, and what she did about it that nobody in the group was going to likeWhat we're actually rewarding when we praise the easy child, and what it costs her by fourteenThe four short scripts Rachel uses with her own kids that work better than any worksheet — and why role play beats reading a book every time'I don't mind.' The one thing you need to understand about what's happening inside her when she says itFree ResourcesHousehold Family Meeting Template — the mental load, and getting things off one shoulder — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/Explaining ADHD to Kids Guide — for the identity work with your daughter — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/explaining-adhd-to-kids-parents-guide/Guest LinksRachel Seiler — Play therapist and counsellor, All Kids Counselling (Queensland). Sessions available Australia-wide via Zoom.All Kids CounsellingRelated Episodes (start here if the good girl language is new to you)You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now. — S3 EP35 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/The Hidden Cost of Being the Good Girl — How the Mental Load Became Ours — S3 — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum's Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free — S2 EP50 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-50-stop-people-pleasing-the-adhd-mums-guide-to-boundaries-balance-and-breaking-free/The Emotional Load of Raising Neurodivergent Girls and How to Lighten It — S3, with Katie Koullas — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-25-the-emotional-load-of-raising-neurodivergent-girls-and-how-to-lighten-it/

It's 10:15 on a Sunday night. You've come out to the kitchen to rinse one pot. One. And now you're just standing there, not touching it — because the second you stopped moving, it started. The permission slip. The referral. Was it orange day. The group chat you didn't answer. The dog bowl. And underneath all of it, the thought that always turns up: what's wrong with you, everyone else can do this.So you do the breathing. Four in, hold four, four out. Name it. I'm feeling anxious.And nothing happens.What We CoverThe Sunday-night sink — 40 thoughts arriving at once, none of them actually dangerousWhy the breathing didn't work, and why that isn't a you-problem — even I've been paid to teach this and still couldn't breathe it downThe two kinds of racing thoughts, and how to tell them apart in about four secondsThe shelf — why yours is smaller, why it won't file, and why the dog bowl and the electricity bill are screaming at exactly the same volumeWhat the friend who 'just handles everything' actually has that you don'tThe fire blanket problem — what happens when the whole wellness industry hands you one tool and tells you it works on everythingThe one question to ask instead: is something actually wrong, or is it everything at once?Why the too-much kind doesn't want calming — it wants emptyingWhat you're really doing when you keep the TV on, scroll till your eyes shut, and say you 'just can't switch your brain off'Free ResourcesThe Energy Accounting Guide — mentioned in the episode — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Household Family Meeting Template — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/Paid ResourcesADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related EpisodesQUICK RESET: No, I Can't Meditate. I'm Too Busy Disassociating. — S3 EP47 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-47-quick-reset-no-i-cant-meditate-im-too-busy-disassociating/When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — What Your Body Is Doing and Why — S3 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/Anxiety & ADHD — S1 EP37, with Jessica Burgess — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-37-anxiety-and-adhd-with-jessica-burgess/

Have you ever stood at the sink at nine o'clock at night, kids asleep, house finally quiet, and had a friend text you how are you going? — and found nothing there? Not sad. Not fine. Just nothing. You could have told her exactly how the kids were, what's on tomorrow, what your hubby's up to, what's happening with the school term. But you, the actual person underneath running all of it — you went looking for her and she wasn't in.There's a name for that. It's not the exhaustion everyone talks about. It's the other one.What We CoverWhat I found on my phone when I watched the video back — and why my first thought was who let me out like thatWhy standing at the edge of the handball court at seven and standing at the edge of the room at thirty-eight are the same thing wearing a different outfitThe reason nobody taught you to mask, and nobody had toWhat it actually costs you — not the tiredness, the other thing, the one that has a researcher's name on itWhy 'good girl' was the best deal you were ever offered, and the worst oneWhat's actually happening the moment you say go on, give your auntie a hug — and why you say it even though you'd fight anyone who tried it on youThe two things that decide what a mask really costs you — and why most neurotypical mums are paying almost nothing for theirsWhy staying in burnout can feel safer than being looked after, and what that has to do with lunchtime at schoolWhere I'm starting, given that taking it off for myself is still too hardFree ResourcesEnergy Accounting Guide —https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Paid ResourcesMeltdown & Shutdown Guidehttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/navigating-meltdowns-strategies-for-parents/Related EpisodesYou Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now. — S3 EP35 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/What Is Underneath the Mask? Uncovering Who You Are After Diagnosis — S2 EP17, with Tanya Hicks — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-17-underneath-the-mask-uncovering-who-you-are-after-diagnosis/References & Further ReadingCage, E. & Troxell-Whitman, Z. (2019). Understanding the Reasons, Contexts and Costs of Camouflaging for Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(5), 1899–1911. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-018-03878-xCage, E., Di Monaco, J. & Newell, V. (2018). Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 48(2), 473–484. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3342-7

You did the envelope early. You had the cash inside. You booked the babysitter. You had three adults on deck for one soccer game. And by the time you got to the car park, you were at 3% battery, panting, holding someone else's dog, and your son had his shirt over his head pretending to be a turtle.You'd done everything right. And it still looked like you hadn't done anything at all.What We CoverThe pride that hits when you do something early — and what happens the second you let yourself relax because of itWhat your eight-year-old is actually asking when he says 'why are you always so stressed out' — and why the real answer isn't one you can give him in a car parkThe thing that runs quietly in the background for neurotypical brains that yours is doing by hand, every day, and why no one can see the costWhy 'me too, I lost my keys once' will never land the way they think it does — and what makes theirs a story and yours a SaturdayWhat happens when two ADHD parents are both losing things in the same house on the same morning — and neither of them knows the other one hasWhy the woman who filled out the form a week early is the same woman who wrote the wrong email address — and which one people rememberFree ResourcesHousehold Family Meeting Template — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Paid ResourcesNavigating School Pick-Up & Social Settings — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/surviving-school-pick-up/Related EpisodesS3: I'm Not Lazy — My House Just Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory//S2: Executive Function Challenges in ADHD (with Claire Britton) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-31-executive-function-challenges-in-adhd-strategies-for-success-with-claire-britton/S3: The Advanced ADHD + Neurodivergence Myths Busted — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-4-the-advanced-adhd-neurodivergence-myths-busted/

Have you ever made a deal with yourself at the end of a really bad week — that's it, I'm not doing it anymore, I'm only doing what he does — and then washed up three times by Tuesday without noticing? Have you ever bought him something mid-fight when you were supposed to be on strike? Have you ever lost it because your nine-year-old defended his dad by pointing out he did one load of washing, as if that was the bar?I couldn't stop thinking about a listener who did all three in one week. I texted a friend about her. I went for coffee and talked about her. I followed up to find out what happened. What she said next, I genuinely did not see coming.What we coverHave you ever declared you're done, you're not doing it anymore, and then found yourself doing it anyway — and genuinely not noticed until it was doneThe thing your body does mid-fight that looks like making up but isn't — and why it fires even when you're the one who's angryWhy your hands win the war three times before lunch — and the one-second move that interrupts itWhy the guilt fires when you stop, not when you're drowning — and what guilt is actually doing in your houseWhat your daughter learns watching a 40-year trained adult put something down — no speech neededThe slam tour — passive-aggressive cleaning, the self-cleaning oven moment, and what we're really hoping he'll seeWhy your body won't sleep even when everything is fine — and the scientific name for itThe question to ask yourself the next time your hands move before your brain does: am I doing this because I want to, or am I scared of what'll happen if I don'tFree resourcesHousehold Family Meeting Template — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Paid resourcesADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/Related episodesEP81 — The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/S2 EP84 — Mum Rage Part 1 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/S2 EP85 — Mum Rage Part 2 — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-85-real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2/S4 EP1 — Who Am I If I Stop Being in Service — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/1-season-4-launch-who-am-i-if-i-stop-being-in-service-to-everyone-in-my-life/S3 EP35 — You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/S3 — Can't Sit Down Until Kitchen's Done — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/cant-sit-down-ktichen/

Have you ever been on medication, done all the things, prepped, pre-scheduled, and still lost the plot completely — and then spent the drive home wondering if the medication is even working? Have you ever gone back to your GP and said 'I'm still losing it' and walked out with a higher dose, a different script, or a referral — and none of it touched the actual problem? Have you ever thought maybe I'm just broken in a way that medication can't reach?You're not. But nobody told you there were two layers — and this episode is the one that explains why no dose adjustment has ever closed that gap.What we coverThe layer that medication actually works on — and the layer it was never built to touchWhy you can be on the right dose of the right stimulant and still slam the car door for forty-five minutesWhat happens in a 10-minute GP appointment when you say 'I'm still struggling' — and why the answer you keep getting might be solving the wrong problemWhy chasing this gap with more medication can mean you end up on too much of the right thing because you're asking it to do the wrong jobThe question to sit with for a week before you go back to your specialistWho actually benefits from the story that medication is the whole answer — and who doesn'tQuick note — I share my own experience here, not medical advice. For anything about your medication or dose, your GP or specialist is the right person to askFree resourcesEnergy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Paid resourcesADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/Related episodesThis is Part 4 of the Mum Rage series. Start at Part 1.Mum Rage EP1 — 3 Reasons ADHD Mum Rage Feels Like It Came Out of Nowhere — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/3-reasons-adhd-mum-rage-feels-like-it-came-out-of-nowhere-it-didnt/Mum Rage EP2 — Why the advice doesn't work — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/mum-rage-2/Mum Rage EP3 — The delayed version (sunburn/interoception) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/mum-rage-3/S2 EP84 — Mum Rage Part 1 (Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/S2 EP85 — Mum Rage Part 2: Real Tools for Real Rage — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-85-real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2/EP23 — ADHD Meds Won't Fix Everything — Now What? — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-23-adhd-meds-wont-fix-everything-now-what/EP71 — When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

Have you ever told yourself you'll finally do the thing when it's quiet — and then the quiet came and you reorganised a drawer? Have you ever promised yourself the school holidays would be different, stacked up everything you were going to get done, and then spent the first Monday back staring at the wall and doing everyone's admin except your own? Have you ever been the most productive you've been all year on the last week of term, and then wondered why that woman never shows up any other time?What we coverWhy your brain flies at the end of term and falls off a cliff the second the kids go back — and what's actually happening underneath itThe list in your phone called 'Monday' and the woman you've been promising people is coming — who has never once turned upWhy avoidance on a quiet day isn't laziness — and what your brain is actually doing when it picks the wrong task on purposeWhat happens when high arousal creates a debt — and why the free day might be the worst time to do the hard thingWhy 'I just need a quiet day with no interruptions' might be the trap you've been apologising for your whole lifeThe one thing that actually works — and why it involves finding a human and making them mildly expect something from youFree resourcesEnergy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Related episodesS3 — Sorry I'm Late, I Have ADHD. My Friend Has ADHD Too. She's Never Late — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/sorry-im-late-i-have-adhd-my-friend-has-adhd-too-shes-never-late/EP93 — When You Remove the Stress — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/EP71 — When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/EP24 — QUICK RESET: The ADHD Myth of 'Just Try Harder' — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/EP49 — QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy — My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/

It's 11:00 PM. You sit up in bed with your chest tight and your heart going. Nothing happened. You went to sleep fine. You lie there trying to work out what's wrong with you, and the answer is nothing — except your body has been running a two-hour delayed reaction to a school email you read, closed, and forgot about at 9:02 PM.What We CoverThe 9:02 PM email, the 11:00 PM panic, and why the two never show up in the same room at the same timeWhy a neurotypical mum who gets the same email feels it right then — and what that looks like when Jane asks one about it directlyThe five stages your body moves through between the trigger and the moment you finally register it — and how long you can spend in each one without knowingWhy the quiet moment you've been waiting for all day is exactly when the queue decides it's your turnThe misdiagnosis cost: when a doctor treats the reaction as the whole story, what gets written on your medical file — and what keeps walking through the door every day unmanagedWhy both can be true — the SSRI doing real work, and an interoceptive delay nobody's ever named for youFree ResourcesEnergy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Related EpisodesStart with the rest of this series:MUM RAGE #1: 3 Reasons It Feels Like It Came Out of Nowhere. (It Didn't.) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/3-reasons-adhd-mum-rage-feels-like-it-came-out-of-nowhere-it-didnt/MUM RAGE #2: 3 Reasons 'Just Breathe' Has Never Worked for ADHD Mums. (And What Actually Does.) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/mum-rage-2/Also from the archive:S2 EP84 — I Love My Family But I'm So F*cking Angry: Mum Rage Part 1 (with Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/EP71 — When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/EP93 — When You Remove the Stress — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/S3 — I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes. Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment. — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/EP81 — The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/

A psychologist told me to do a body scan. I was lying on hard yellow grass in 38-degree heat with three kids screaming inside and ants on my arms, trying to feel my body. I felt nothing. Or I felt everything and couldn't name any of it.She concluded the problem was me.It wasn't.What We CoverWhy 'just breathe' and body scans keep failing ADHD mums — and why that failure isn't yoursThe difference between early and late emotional intervention, and why the tools you've been given are timed wrong for your brainWhat alexithymia and interoceptive gaps actually mean when you're trying to regulate — and why you can't feel the water warming until the lid's already blownWhy some of us start every single day with near-boiling water, and what that does to a nervous system that's been running like that for yearsThe scheduled check-in — not a mindfulness practice, just a moment to know where you are before the day makes that impossibleWhat to say to your partner when they ask if you're okay and you genuinely don't knowThe James Gross emotional regulation model — 40 years of research — and what it says about the moment you're being told to interveneWhat's coming next episode: delayed mum rage, the lid that blows after the stove's already off, and why 11pm panic isn't coming from nowhereFree ResourcesEnergy Accounting Guide — mentioned in the episode. Helps you see your actual baseline and where the energy is going before you hit empty.

The principal told you to contact region. Region told you to contact the principal. You're sitting in your car wondering if you're going quietly insane. You're not — and neither is the principal. The system is built to do exactly this, to everyone inside it. Sara Hocking is back to map a way out, and the news isn't what you think.What We Cover The one subject line that forces an official response — and why most schools have been waiting for someone to send itThe institutional rule that makes principals back their staff publicly even when they're moving things behind the scenes — and how to read the quiet changesThe escalation pathway nobody hands you, and the exact point where 95% of parents tap outThe strategic reason to keep going past that point even when it feels pointlessWhy teachers aren't ignoring you — Sara's frame for what's actually happening in the staffroom, and what they're being asked to triage every dayThe paper-trail trick you can do in 30 seconds on your phone after every conversationWhy you arrive at every school meeting already at a ten, and what the other parents in the room don't realise about themselvesWhat restraint, expulsion and catchment actually mean — and the policy vacuum that hands one principal the call when there should be a system holding itStop waiting for an apology. Sara explains why it isn't coming from individuals, and what to watch for from the structure instead.Free ResourcesSchool Complaint & Escalation Guide: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/Quiet Exclusion Kit: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/quiet-exclusion-kit/More from SaraSara Hocking runs See Beyond — neuroaffirming, nervous-system-informed resources for parents and schools, including free printables you can send straight to your child's teacher: https://seebeyondau.org/Paid ResourcesMaking School Work — Parent Guide: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/School Burnout — When School Can't Cope: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-burnout-when-school-cant-cope/Related EpisodesSara's Part 1 — When You Stay Calm at School and Leave Feeling Like You Didn't Do Enough — Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6LrYWX3eDU3LeoC12kMw4A?si=5OwOPF0oQcGjiXhwzL69zQ | Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/adhd-mums/id1686843092?i=1000753099488S3 EP8: Advocating for Your Child Shouldn't Break You — But It Often Does — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-8-quick-reset-advocating-for-your-child-shouldnt-break-you-but-it-often-does/S3 EP7: The Great Gaslighting — When Schools Say 'We Don't See It' — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-school-series-the-great-gaslighting-when-schools-say-we-dont-see-it/S3 EP9: When the IEP Meeting Feels Like a Battle You Didn't Ask For — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-9-when-the-iep-meeting-feels-like-a-battle-you-didnt-ask-for/S3: When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/S3: Is the Problem the Child — Or the Learning Plan? — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/is-the-problem-the-child-or-the-learning-plan/

A friend came over the other day. She'd just done a week on the Sunshine Coast with her three kids, the whole pack-up by herself. We were sitting at my kitchen table doing that thing where you're laughing and crying at the same time. She couldn't get her kids to put the bins out because they were glued to their iPads. I said yep, same. The deeper problem isn't just the iPad. It's that someone pulled every single support structure out from under us, handed us a screen, and then put the guilt on top.What We CoverThe Sunshine Coast kitchen table moment — the bins, the iPads, the laughing-cryingThe Christmas holidays Minecraft trap — how the rules got relaxed in December and what's still happening in MayThree things that have completely changed about parenting in the last 40 years that nobody updated us onWhy mums in 1990 weren't negotiating screen time — and what they had for free that we just don'tThe anticipatory regulation load — why parenting an ADHD child is three jobs stacked on top of each other, not oneThe dopamine input the world used to supply — and what happens when you take the iPad without replacing itWhy every screen time recommendation contradicts every other one, and the researchers fight each other publiclyWe are the first generation parenting through this. There is no generational wisdom on iPads. Nobody knows the right amount. Not the paediatricians, not your mother-in-law, not the friend down the road.Free ResourcesSurviving the Mental Load of the School Year: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-year-mental-load-kit/Household Family Meeting Template: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/Related EpisodesS3 EP12 QUICK RESET: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This One Thing — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-12-quick-reset-i-cant-stop-snapping-when-my-child-does-this-one-thing/S3: When a Neuroscientist Says iPads Cause ADHD — And You Wonder if You've Damaged Your Kids — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-a-neuroscientist-says-ipads-cause-adhd-and-you-wonder-if-youve-damaged-your-kids/S2 EP22: Is It ADHD or Motherhood? — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-is-it-adhd-or-motherhood-solo-episode/S3 EP22 QUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*cking Task — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-quick-reset-why-self-care-feels-like-another-fcking-task/S3 EP45 QUICK RESET: The Biggest Lie Parents Believe During School Holidays — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-45-quick-reset-the-biggest-lie-parents-believe-during-school-holidays-this-is-what-everyone-does/References & Further ReadingParent–child interaction load in ADHD households: Barkley, R. A., Anastopoulos, A. D., Guevremont, D. C., & Fletcher, K. E. (1992). Adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: Mother–adolescent interactions, family beliefs and conflicts, and maternal psychopathology. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 20(3), 263–288. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00916692The collapse of unsupervised childhood: Skenazy, L. (2021). Free-Range Kids: How Parents and Teachers Can Let Go and Let Grow (2nd ed.). Jossey-Bass. Movement: https://letgrow.orgThe case that screens are driving a youth mental health crisis: Haidt, J. (2024). The Anxious Generation. Penguin Press.The case that the panic is overblown: Etchells, P. (2024). Unlocked: The Real Science of Screen Time. Piatkus. (Named alongside Haidt because the two contradict each other — which is the point.)No strong causal evidence that screens cause ADHD: Levelink, B., et al. (2021). Association between recreational screen time and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. JAMA Pediatrics. Via: https://www.adhdevidence.org/blog/pair-of-large-u-s-cohort-studies-find-little-to-no-evidence-of-association-between-child-and-adolescent-adhd-and-digital-media-screen-timeInsufficient evidence for hard screen-time limits (2019 guidance): Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health. (2019). The health impacts of screen time: A guide for clinicians and parents. (Note: this guidance was withdrawn in February 2024 — the position above is as of their 2019 publication.)

I picked up the kids in my husband's car the other day. The youngest said something. The next one waited until they finished, then said something back. There was a pause. I turned around and looked at three kids not even fighting and thought, is this how pickup goes? In my car, it's on the second they get in. Someone's interrupting, someone's yelling, I'm turning the music up to drown them out, ready to throw myself onto the driveway while it's moving. Same kids. Same school. Different mum.What We CoverThe hubby-car pickup vs my-car pickup — same kids, same school, completely different rideWhat happens to your nervous system when you're already at a rolling boil before the kids even get in the carInteroception — why the signals your body's been sending all afternoon don't land in real time for an ADHD brainAlexithymia — the clinical inability to name a feeling in the moment, and the 42–51% of ADHD adults living inside itWhy mum rage feels like it came out of nowhere when it didn't, and why 'try harder, breathe more, be more like other mums at pickup' was never the answerThe dinner-time cheese moment — the fan, the dog, the kid in the shower, the TV, the iPad — and why it was never about the cheeseWho actually benefits when the rage gets called your temperament instead of your load — and why the lavender oil keeps not workingPart 1 of 2 — what's happening underneath. Part 2 is what to do about it.Related EpisodesS2 EP84: Mum Rage Part 1 (Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/S2 EP85: Mum Rage Part 2 — Real Tools for Real Rage — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-85-real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2/EP52 HORMONES: When HRT Isn't Enough — Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained (Dr Sunita Chelva) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/EP82: Overstimulated Before 7am (Rachel Few) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/EP12 QUICK RESET: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-12-quick-reset-i-cant-stop-snapping-when-my-child-does-this-one-thing/S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/References:Bruton, M., Hall, S. S., & Pollock, M. (2025). Diminished interoceptive accuracy in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: A systematic review. Psychophysiology, 62(2), e14750. https://doi.org/10.1111/psyp.14750Edel, M.-A., Rudel, A., Hubert, C., Scheele, D., Brüne, M., Juckel, G., & Assion, H.-J. (2010). Alexithymia, emotion processing and social anxiety in adults with ADHD. European Journal of Medical Research, 15(9), 403–409. — Found 22% of ADHD adults met TAS-20 cutoff (≥61).Donfrancesco, R., Di Trani, M., Gregori, P., Auguanno, G., Melegari, M. G., Zaninotto, S., & Luby, J. (2013). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and alexithymia: A pilot study. ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 5(4), 361–367.

You're at the dinner table you fought to make happen. Your phone lights up — school app, swimming's been moved, the bag has to be packed tonight. You know in your bones that if you don't write it down right now, it's gone by morning. You pick up your phone. Your kid says, you said no phones at dinner, I'm getting my iPad then. The parenting advice has told you you've just damaged everyone. The research says you've just used the exact tool your brain needs.What We CoverThe dinner table, the school app, the swimming change, the kid line — and the impossible decision in the middle of itWhy 'phones down at dinner' advice was written for a woman who doesn't need the adviceCognitive offloading — the research-backed reason your phone is your external hard drive, not your hobbyThe 11:40pm password reset window — the unpaid admin job nobody sees, and the morning question from your kid (why were you up so late?) you can't answerThe co-regulation gap — what happens when the advice assumes a regulated parent and a regulated child, and neither one is in your house at 5pmThe flip — your daughter isn't watching you on a phone. She's watching you teach her how to externalise her working memory before her brain needs to do it too.Why the most important thing she sees you do is recover from being overwhelmed, not put down a deviceRelated EpisodesEP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy — My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/S3: When a Neuroscientist Says iPads Cause ADHD — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-a-neuroscientist-says-ipads-cause-adhd-and-you-wonder-if-youve-damaged-your-kids/EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

Listener Question Episode: Bec drops the kids at school, the kitchen's a mess, and she can't let herself eat breakfast until it's clean. Loads the washing on too — wouldn't want to waste time. She finally sits down at 11am. She's wondering if it's an ADHD thing or if she's just weird. She's not weird. She's been trying the wrong strategy on the wrong problem for years.What We CoverBec's voicemail, the kitchen, the load of washing on while she eats, 11am breakfastWhy "you deserve rest, mama" advice slides right off — and why feeling worse after reading it isn't a personal failureThe four different drivers underneath one behaviour — same cry on the surface, completely different things going on insideA four-question audio quiz to figure out which one is the loudest in youWhy every behaviour you're stuck in is meeting a need — and you can't change it until you know which oneWhy my dad and my 80-year-old grandma chainsawing down a tree while telling each other to sit down haunts me — and why I'm watching my daughter start to do it tooThe advice isn't wrong. It's just for the wrong problem.Free ResourcesFacebook Group — come tell me and join the fun: https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastEnergy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Breaking Free from Unhealthy Habits Kit — for the loops you can't seem to break: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/breaking-unhealthy-habits-adhd-mums-kit/Paid ResourceADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/Related EpisodesS3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/EP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy, My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/S3 EP59: The Red Pen Christmas — Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-59-stop-editing-yourself-red-pen-christmas/EP72: You're Not Behind — You Learned to Carry Responsibility Too Early — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/youre-not-behind-you-learned-to-carry-responsibility-too-earlyEP81: The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/EP93: When You Remove the Stress and Start Wondering What's Wrong With You — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/EP53 QUICK RESET: Self-Care Feels Nice. Self-Regulation Keeps You Alive — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/

The cafe moment. A waiter. Six seconds of blank silence. I've ordered for everyone in my life for 40 years and when someone asked what I wanted, there was nobody home. Season 4 starts here. This isn't a self-help season. It's not a divorce season. It's the work nobody warned us about — what happens after the diagnosis, when the operating system fails and you don't know who you are without it.What We CoverThe cafe, the menu, the bacon and eggs my husband always orders — and the six seconds I'll never forgetWhy I can connect every menu item to what my kids or husband would eat, but not to what I wantThe dopamine system that drives preference — and what happens after 30, 40 years of overriding itWhat I'm doing for my 40th: nothing, because I don't knowWho you become when you're at service to everyone — partners, kids, in-laws, WhatsApp groups, work, the can-you-just emailsWhy "operating system" is the only word that fits — and why my daughter is starting to run it tooWhy the diagnosis doesn't just add a chapter. It rewrites the whole book.The pushback — the first quiet no, the partners who pretend not to notice, the friends who stop calling, the "you've changed"Why the mask isn't a costume anymore — for some of us, it's the whole identity, and everyone we love is calibrated to itThe five-stage renovation — the cost, the recognition, the pushback, the collision, the repairWhy I'm stuck in stage three and don't pretend otherwiseWhat's coming in Season 4: Dr Sunita Chelva returning, a miniseries on the pushback, what happens in the body when the operating system can't run anymoreWhy I'm done waiting — for the politicians, the clinicians, the right medication, the right specialist, the right strategyThe shredding (not the gym kind — the bearded dragon kind)I'm not your guide. I'm the woman next to you at school pickup going, this is fucked, how do you feel?Related EpisodesS3 EP50: HORMONES — When Hormones Hijack the Mind: ADHD, Perimenopause & Emotional Burnout (Dr Sunita Chelva) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-50-hormones-when-hormones-hijack-the-mind-adhd-perimenopause-emotional-burnout/S3 EP52: HORMONES — When HRT Isn't Enough: Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/

The birthday of ADHD Mums came and went and I didn't celebrate. I'd spent a whole season demanding a seat at the table. By the end of it I was in bed, couldn't walk, getting diagnosed with perimenopause mid-record, and a friend asked me one question that broke the whole thing open. Supportive of what?What We CoverThe launch episode promise — "no more explaining, just strategy" — and why I delivered it and still feel like I liedTwo lipedema operations, four months unable to walk, demanding a seat at the table from a hospital bedThe cooked roast chicken after the C-section, and what I now call that "badge of honour"Crying mid-record with Dr Sunita Chelva and getting diagnosed with perimenopause to my faceReading the DSM at 15, walking into my parents' room, and being told to sweep it under the rugWhy I gave up on the NDIS politicians — Mark Butler, the budget line, the room with no lived experienceThe premiers and health ministers messaging me now to re-announce nothingThe friend who said 'Supportive of what?' and broke the whole season openWhat it costs to be the high-functioning ADHD woman who could do it allWhy the strategy episodes were never the ones that landed — the identity episodes wereThe scheduled five-minute breakdown in the car, the wipe, the smileA million downloads, and what you've been doing for me without knowing itI'm not your guide. I'm the woman next to you in the car park.Related EpisodesS3 EP50: HORMONES — When Hormones Hijack the Mind: ADHD, Perimenopause & Emotional Burnout — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-50-hormones-when-hormones-hijack-the-mind-adhd-perimenopause-emotional-burnout/S3 EP52: HORMONES — When HRT Isn't Enough: Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/S3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/S3: Overstimulated Before 7am (Rachel Few) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/S3 EP4: The Advanced ADHD + Neurodivergence Myths.. Busted — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-4-the-advanced-adhd-neurodivergence-myths-busted/

Sorry I'm late. I have ADHD. So does my friend. She's sitting at the coffee shop halfway through her first one, watching me sweat through the door twenty minutes late. Same diagnosis. Different morning. Different brain doing the work behind it.What We CoverThe vein surgery saga — three appointments, three completely different outcomes, same brainThe receptionist who handed me the appointment card like a library card and the one who didn'tWhy "set more alarms, leave earlier" is the equivalent of telling someone with low blood sugar to just have more energyThe four types of ADHD time blindness — petrol gauge stuck on full, the car that won't start, the GPS that lies, the seatbelt warning that's lateWhy your strategies haven't worked — because they were built for someone else's typeWhat actually works for each one — visual time, body doubling, departure rituals, calibration with a stopwatch, manufactured deadlinesWhy "I left heaps of time" keeps being true and untrue at the same timeThe 40-50% rule — adults with ADHD underestimate task time by half. Double it. Then add buffer.Why the friend at the coffee shop at five to nine isn't more disciplined — she's borrowing structure from her environmentWhat collapses on school holidays, sick days, working from home, and what that tells you about which strategies are actually holding you upThe estrogen/dopamine link — why the same brain at 32 isn't the same brain at 42Free ResourceTime Blindness Jotform — figure out which of the four types you actually have, then find the support that fits: https://adhdmums.com.au/ (on Jane's website)Energy Accounting Guide — for the dopamine/load piece: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/Free Resources Library: https://adhdmums.com.au/product-category/free-resources/Paid ResourceADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/Related EpisodesS3 EP24: QUICK RESET — The ADHD Myth of 'Just Try Harder' — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/S3 EP50: HORMONES — When Hormones Hijack the Mind: ADHD, Perimenopause & Emotional Burnout — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-50-hormones-when-hormones-hijack-the-mind-adhd-perimenopause-emotional-burnout/S2 EP67: Why Routines Always Seem to Fail for ADHD Families — and How to Fix Them — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-67-why-routines-always-seem-to-fail-for-adhd-families-and-how-to-fix-them/S3 EP49: QUICK RESET — "I'm Not Lazy — My House Just Doesn't Have a Memory" — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/

You take your child to the doctor. You tell them this isn't fussy, this isn't a phase. They tell you he'll grow out of it. Maybe it's his tonsils. Maybe you're anxious. Maybe your boundaries aren't strong enough. You leave the appointment knowing something isn't right, and starting to wonder if the something is you.What We CoverWhy ARFID gets missed for years while professionals chase tonsils, grommets, and dental workWhat happens when every silver bullet surgery makes zero difference and the grief that followsThe cruise ship that didn't work, the buffet that didn't work, the Woolworths smuggling run that came too lateRefeeding syndrome — when your malnourished child's body goes into shock from being fedThe PEG surgery, the six-week wait that should've been six months, and a five-year-old dancing in the lounge room for the first timeThe cognitive impact of three years of malnutrition and the guilt of not pushing harder, soonerWhy mum's intuition keeps being right while siloed specialists keep passing the buckThe mental load of cooking the same crepe, the same rice mound, the washed meatballs — every single dayWhat it costs to keep advocating when no one believes youMore About TracyFree ResourceFacebook Group — for parents in this loop who need other mums who get it: https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcastExternal Support Tracy MentionsEating Disorders Families Australia (EDFA)Butterfly FoundationPaid ResourceThe Meltdown & Shutdown Guide for Mums & Childrenhttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/navigating-meltdowns-strategies-for-parents/Episodes on ARFID & Tracy's last episodeS3 EP58: Things That Look Like Bad Parenting But Are Actually Neurodivergence (Tracy) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-58-neurodivergence-and-parentingS2 EP81: You've Tried Everything… They Still Won't Eat: Real Strategies for ARFID at Home — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-81-youve-tried-everything-they-still-wont-eat-real-strategies-for-arfid-at-home/S3 EP46: ARFID, Eating Disorders & the Neurodivergent Body: What We Got Wrong (Marie Camin) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-46-arfid-eating-disorders-the-neurodivergent-body-what-we-got-wrong/

You can talk your daughter down in two minutes. Then you turn around and tell yourself to stop being such a f*cking embarrassment.Same brain. Same mum. Two completely different voices within minutes.

Sometimes the only thing that got you through the day was the iPad.And then you scrolled past a clip telling you screens are rewiring your kid's brain. Causing ADHD. Making them socially broken. And your stomach dropped.You weren't being lazy. You were trying to regulate yourself before you said something you'd regret.But the guilt arrived anyway. Right on cue.This week, Amanda Moses — senior psychologist, ADHD and autism assessor, the woman who actually trains other psychologists in this space — sits down to go through the Osher Günsberg clip line by line. The one with the neuroscientist claiming 'digital ADHD' is now the majority of cases. The one your mother-in-law sent you. The one that made you feel sick.Amanda brings the receipts. None of them say what he said they said.What We CoverThe 'digital ADHD' claim — and what the actual heritability research says (74-80%, by the way)Why your phone notification is not going to give you a heart attack, no matter how many amygdala fight-or-flight diagrams someone drawsThe 'still face' babies story — what the research actually shows about distractionWhy online connection counts — especially for autistic women, regional mums, and anyone who can't just 'turn up to playgroup'Why this kind of content hurts the women who can't afford a psych session and are already running on guiltAbout Amanda:Check out Amanda's Management Strategies for ADHD.Check out Amanda's social media here Amanda's References from this episode:https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11472914/https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0306910https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1441191/fullhttps://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-022-02130-3#Sec25Check out Related EpisodesS2 EP82: ADHD or PTSD? Why So Many Women Are Misdiagnosed (Amanda Moses) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-82-adhd-or-ptsd-why-so-many-women-are-misdiagnosed-with-amanda-moses/S3 EP34: Is It Social Anxiety — or Is It Autism (Amanda Moses) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-34-is-it-social-anxiety-or-is-it-autism-with-amanda-moses/S3 EP4: The advanced ADHD + Neurodivergence Myths.. Busted — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-4-the-advanced-adhd-neurodivergence-myths-busted/

There's a script around Mother's Day that doesn't account for any of us.You're meant to want a candle, a coffee, a sleep-in, and to look visibly grateful at the end of it. If you can't name what you want, you're ungrateful. If you do name it, you have to manage it. If you stay quiet, you spend Sunday night cleaning up the wrapping paper from your own gifts.This episode is the one underneath that script. The maths nobody's saying out loud. The reason your brain blanks. And one small thing to try this Sunday — not to fix the year, just to notice what the silence is actually doing.This episode is for you ifHe asks what you want and your brain just stopsYou always say I don't mind, whatever's easy and then feel a bit hollow when Sunday's overYou've spent Mother's Days managing other people's mothers and have nothing left for your ownYou're a single mum and Sunday is just another Sunday, except this one's worseYou're grieving — your own mum, the version of motherhood you wanted, or bothYou've been telling yourself for years that you're just too sensitiveRelated episodesS2 EP88: I Made the Lunches, Booked the Table, and Still Felt Invisible (Mother's Day)S3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now.S3 EP18 Quick Reset: Why You're Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Instead

Half the conversations about AI are men in San Francisco telling you it'll change everything. The other half are people telling you it'll destroy the planet and your children's future.Neither of those people are doing the school run, the NDIS application, the lunchboxes, or holding it together at 9pm.This episode is for the mum in the middle. The one who's curious but hesitant. The one who's already using it but feels weird about it. The one who tried it once, got a creepy answer, and shut the tab.Leticia Andrack has worked in AI since 2014. She's autistic, ADHD, PDA, dyslexic, French, and a mum of two neurodivergent girls. She's not selling you anything. She's just telling you how to use the tool without it using you.This episode is for you ifYou've used AI to write the email you couldn't face — and felt a bit guilty about itYou're worried about the data, the environment, your kids' futures, and you can't tell which fear is realYou've vented to ChatGPT and it agreed with you so hard you almost did something you'd regretYou don't know the difference between Claude, ChatGPT, Gemini, or which one to even openYou feel behind, and behind feels like another thing on the listYou're sick of being mansplained to about technologyRESOURCES & REFERENCESTo connect with Laetitia Andrac - check her out here Understanding Zoe platform - check it out here

This podcast episode is not a replacement for individual medical advice and is general education only.You go to the mother's group, you don't put the brake on the pram, and it rolls across the carpark.Baby is fine. You are not.You're already the mum who decided — quietly, without asking anyone — that you wouldn't take your ADHD meds while breastfeeding. Because that's what good mothers do.This is the episode about what happens when 'just push through' stops being a plan.What we coverWhy your prescriber freezes the second you say the word 'pregnant' and what to actually say backWhat the research actually says about traditional stimulants in pregnancy, and the gap between that and the kickback you've been gettingWhy pregnancy and breastfeeding aren't the same conversation, even though everyone keeps lumping them togetherThe Infant Risk Center, the resource your psychiatrist probably hasn't looked at that pharmacists rely onTrying to conceive, IVF, egg collection, and where ADHD meds actually sit in that timelineThe quiet self-sacrifice that tells you a thinking, regulated mother is somehow worse for the baby than an unmedicated, exhausted onePMS, perimenopause, antidepressants in the mix, and why ADHD is rarely just one medication, one decision, one answerMedication breaks, weekend breaks, and why being told to take them on the busiest days of your week isn't advice, it's a generic scriptIron, thyroid, glucose, constipation, and the unsexy stuff your wellness actually hinges on while you're carrying everyone else'sWhy this episode mattersThere is a whole layer of women who stopped their meds the day they saw two lines on a test, never asked the question out loud, and have been white-knuckling it ever since. Not because the evidence said to. Because nobody safe was available to talk to. Rodney has spent thirty years being that person on the other end of the phone, and most mums have never been told he exists.This episode is for you ifYou stopped your meds the second you found out you were pregnant and never asked anyone if you had toYou've been told 'we don't know enough' so many times you've started saying it to yourselfYou're breastfeeding and Googling at 2am because no one in the room will give you a straight answerYou feel guilty for wanting to be medicated, focused, and present, like that's the selfish versionYou're trying to conceive and quietly terrified that staying on your meds makes you a bad mother before you've even startedYou're the one who'd rather suffer than risk it, and you've been suffering for a while nowRelated productADHD Medication Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/a-guide-to-adhd-medication/External links mentionedInfant Risk Center — www.infantrisk.comJean Hailes — https://www.jeanhailes.org.au/Better Health Channel — https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au

You've spent more time on drop-offs, pickups and meetings this week than your kid has spent actually learning.You keep telling yourself the routine is good for them. They come home flat anyway.You can see it isn't working. You just can't picture what else looks like.So you stay on the fence. Another term. Another meeting. Another 11pm google.What we coverWhy most homeschoolers in Australia didn't plan to homeschool — and what 'accidental homeschooling' actually meansThe two competing fears keeping you stuck — and which one usually wins in the endWhat 'enough is enough' really looks like (it's rarely one big moment — it's bankruptcy logic: slow, then very fast)What a homeschool day actually looks like when you're not running school-at-homeThe legal stuff schools won't tell you — you don't need their permissionWhy $50k a year still doesn't fix this, and what you might actually be paying forHow to take a term off without making a forever decisionWhy bullying gets reframed as 'resilience-building' at school but is illegal at workWhy this episode mattersThe fence is the hardest place to live. Most parents sit there longer than the kid can afford. Rebecca has spoken to hundreds of families about why they finally jumped — and the answer isn't 'they were ready.' It's that the fear of staying finally outweighed the fear of leaving. This episode names the decision underneath the decision, and hands you a permission slip you probably didn't know existed.This episode is for you ifYou've tried two schools, maybe three, and nothing's stuckThe meetings have started to outnumber the actual learningYou keep saying 'maybe next term' and next term keeps not comingYou're more scared of Uncle Ned's questions at Christmas than you'd like to admitPart of you knows it isn't working, and part of you can't picture what else looks likeYou've already googled 'homeschooling Queensland' at 11pm and closed the tabFor more about Dr. Rebecca Englishhttps://www.qut.edu.au/about/our-people/academic-profiles/r.englishJane's Related EpisodesS1 EP63 — The Episode That Led Jane to Choose Homeschooling (Nicki Farrell, Wildlings)

If your child looks ‘fine' at school… but falls apart the second they get home —this episode is for you.

If you've ever sat in a school meetinghearing what's ‘expected'…and thought‘this feels like too much… too early' —this episode is for you.Because sometimes it's not subtle.It's that quiet moment where something doesn't sit right…but you're told it's normal.In this episode, we unpack what's really happening when school expectations keep creeping up — academically, behaviourally, socially — and why so many kids are being asked to meet standards that don't actually match where they are.

If you've ever said‘can we just talk about something?'and it escalatesbefore you've even said the thing —this episode is for you.Because it's not the conversationthat's blowing up.It's what happensin the seconds before it even starts. In this episode, we unpack that exact moment — the one where you're trying to keep it calm, keep it small, keep it ‘not a big deal'…and somehow it still turns into tension, shutdown, or a full spiral.The urgency you feel to resolve it.The resistance you feel coming back.And how quickly that turns into‘why do I make things like this?'

If you've ever stepped away for five minutes…come back…and everything has already escalated —this episode is for you.Because it's not just the moment.It's the feeling that if you're not there…it doesn't hold.And somehowyou've become the thingthat keeps everything from tipping over.In this episode, we unpack the invisible role so many ADHD mums carry — the one where you're not just part of the family… you're the one holding it together.The one who reads the room.Softens the tone.Finds the compromise.And slowly realises…nothing really runs without you.

In this episode, we unpack the invisible load of trying to do something simple inside a day that won't hold it. The interruptions, the split attention, the constant restarting — and how quickly that gets turned into ‘I'm the problem.'From the outside, it looks like nothing happened.But inside it?You were doing that one taskover and over again.