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How do you handle moving, job loss, death, and other relationship changes? 00:30 Introduction and host chat If you're under 18, visit scarleteen.com We're heading to Croatia for a vacation! 2:12 Lusty Guy's Politics Corner The gap between people's stated positions and what they actually vote for. 5:28 Contact us If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com and copy polyweekly@gmail.com. 5:51 Interview: Dan and dawn on poly change management Dan and dawn have been a lifestyle couple since 2001 and have presented at over 100 events around North America. Not only do they enjoy teaching workshops and classes, they also share via books, specialized events, and fun consent negotiation playing cards! They were last on Poly Weekly in 2014 on episode 400: Poly for introverts. They are also the co-hosts of the Erotic Awakening Podcast, an educational show that explores “all things erotic” since 2011; co-founders of the Columbus Space, an alternative community center; 2016 MAsT International Member's Choice Presenter of the Year Award winner; Great Lakes region title holders (2010); creators of the Scarlet Sanctuary and Path of the Qadishti (sacred sexuality spaces); featured educators on both Kink Academy and Creative Sexuality; and mentioned in a number of books, articles, and other media. Poly change management Embrace the power of “I don't know” Balance appreciating what you have with mourning the loss of a partner or lifestyle Understand that emotions happen Change is a type of loss. Don't avoid that grief; lean in to it. Update your partner before your Facebook status Find Dan and Dawn at Erotic Awakening, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Find their polyamory toolkit here. 26:30 Join the conversation Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx. 27:15 Listener question A listener writes in asking for advice on continuing a romantic relationship. She was poly but agreed to marry her now-husband P with the idea that they would open up the marriage later. She has a friend of seven years, J, with whom she recently connected and wants to pursue a romantic relationship. She is anxious every time J goes on a date with someone else, fearing he'll dump her for someone who will be monogamous with him. How does she avoid getting hurt by love? You don't. To love is to risk vulnerability. You minimize risk by minimizing joy and intimacy. Take the Buddhist approach: embrace love, accept the pain that comes with it. If you really want to minimize pain, have some difficult conversations. Where is P in all this? Does he support you? Talk through best and worst case scenarios with P and J. 35:25 Feedback Herbalwise recommends the 2014 movie The One I Love as semi-poly-friendly. 36:25 Thank you! Welcome NS to the Poly Weekly playmates! Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Matt writes in to ask what to do after a partner asks to be platonic while she figures things out. Lusty Guy and Minx give advice. 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com Let’s talk about snow and the polar vortex. Seattle snow was fun for us and our puppy, but Minx was worried about her family in Texas. 4:30 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner We all learned about the pilgrims founding America to enjoy religious tolerance, but it’s not true. They decamped England and went to Amsterdam and then Leiden, where they faced no religious persecution. They stayed there for 10 years and ran for office in order to try to impose their religious views on everyone else. They weren’t fleeing religious persecution; they wanted to establish it. Smithsonian Magazine reference, the pilgrims’ time in Holland A primary reason the US government forbade membership in a specific church to run for office was because no one could agree on which church that should be. Want to find out more? Watch Stephen Fry in America or read the book. 9:45 Feedback If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 10:15 How do you handle a relationship going platonic? Matt had a preexisting relationship with A.J., and Emma fell into that relationship. Emma realizes she needs to spend time on herself and wants to shift the relationship to a platonic friendship. Minx suggests seeing this as unrequited love and treating the shift in the nature of the relationship as a breakup. Lusty Guy also suggests taking time apart to do that healing from the breakup. He’s also concerned that Matt might have a white knight or “nice guy” syndrome and be wishing for a transactional nature to the relationship. Consider that waiting for her sounds a lot like wanting to change her, so do take the time to heal and put yourself first instead. 21:40 Join the conversation Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx. 22:15 Feedback This week’s feedback is an appreciation of Lusty Guy’s politics corner. 23:15 Happy Poly Moment R wrote in to share that she uses Poly Weekly to redirect her anxiety. She expected to be anxious when her partner asked to bring a date over to their place for the first time, and she was pleased when she discovered it didn’t kick off her anxiety. She believes she can be healthy and poly! 25:15 Shout out Shout out to Jenn and Catherine with love from Tammy on their three-year anniversary! Thank you! Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
How to experience and nurture compersion in your relationships 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com The Book of the Kiss is a fantasy romance sourcebook designed to be system-agnostic. Poly Weekly listeners can get half off the cover price here. Love is Polytical was a conference in Berlin last weekend. 3:50 Lusty Guy’s polyamory and politics corner Both sides are not the same. If what you are looking for deep, systemic reform to systems, yeah, they are similar. But with 300,000 new cases of COVID in the U.S., the response would have been different with a Democrat in office. If you’re a woman seeking an abortion, an economist, a climatologist, or a trans person, you can see the difference. 8:45 Contact us If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 9:00 Topic: How do I develop compersion? If you don’t feel compersion, how do you develop the capacity to experience it. Compersion is the non-sexual joy you feel in seeing joy in others. It’s empathy, and you likely experience it all the time. If you’ve ever been happy for a friend at their wedding or joyful that your kid won their soccer game, you’ve felt compersion. Start noticing and naming the compersion you feel already. If insecurity or jealousy are blocking you from feeling it in your poly relationships, try some of our jealousy/insecurity exercises, such as Discuss, Distract, Do and And Then What. Consider compersion a muscle that you can exercise. Practice it mentally. For example, try experiencing feeling empathy/compersion when your metamour wins a video game. 16:12 Join the conversation Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx. 16:30 Feedback A listener in Vancouver, Canada calls in to support Lusty Guy’s politics corner David Wheeler provides an audio review of the Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory 19:15 Happy poly moment S shares a story of her metamour saving their life R finds strength and courage to pursue polyamory 23:45 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Why we didn't produce an episode for eights months and what to expect from Poly Weekly moving forward. 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat: why haven’t we produced for eight months Puppy! COVID pandemic left me frustrated, helpless, and unmotivated to podcast Stay-at-home had a negative effect on our relationship for a while Lack of access to coping strategies. Swimply is the app to rent outdoor pools by the hour. George Floyd, BLM, CHAZ/CHOP, federal stormtroopers, kids being tear gassed 14:30 What Poly Weekly will be moving forward We’ll be talking more about politics when it’s relevant. We believe it should be OK to talk about politics, like we believe it should be OK to talk about sex. The personal is political. And we’ll be making calls to action like this one: volunteer with the critical senatorial runoff election in Georgia, donate to Stacey Abrams’ Fair Fight, or donate or volunteer for the candidates Jon Ossoff and Reverend Raphael Warnock. And the name of the show is still Poly Weekly, so we’ll still be giving relationship advice, sharing happy poly moments, and addressing your feedback. We’ll just also be sprinkling in more politics when it’s relevant. If that isn’t your thing, we invite you to subscribe to the Multiamory podcast or listen to Esther Perel’s sex podcast or any other poly- or sex-oriented podcast. Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to all our PW Playmates! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
We interview a munch organizer and field audience questions at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarletteen.com We’re at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon! 2:00 Interview with Close In munch organizer Hannah Lessons learned include: poly and kinky people are everywhere it’s important to destigmatize a stigmatized group “Square up; what you want is fine; fuck ‘em all!” 9:00 Poly Weekly live! What advice would you give to solo polys? net Off the Relationship Escalator 12:45 How to come out to folks who aren’t familiar with poly? Anticipate questions, be prepared, be calm, don’t take it personally, give them a year to freak out Folks will match your tone, so adopt one of calm, easy compassion 16:00 How has poly changed in the last 14 years? 17:45 And now there are terms for everything! my Poly Living keynote How Polyamory Became More Mainstream Than Peanut Butter all the poly recommended reading 19:05 How do I bring up the birth control discussion? Be brave and bring it up. Or leave a birth control pamphlet in the toilet for leisure reading! J Use regular relationship check ins as a space to bring up any issues 22:15 What is your take on hierarchies? If it works for everyone involved and it’s transparent, fine. But it doesn’t work for everyone (or me). The challenge with hierarchies is that it sets up a permission model. Be aware if you are talking about power structure or entanglement levels? If the latter, “nesting partner” might be more useful than “primary.” 26:15 My mom thinks my polyamory is a phase. Do you know folks who have lived out their lives as poly? Allena Gabosch, Oberon Zell-Ravenhart, and many others. Just as with child-rearing, having an extended network to help you in your old age is valuable. 31:15 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. 32:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
A listener asks what to do when love does feel like a zero sum game; his wife took a lover, and our listener felt like he got even less sex than before. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Intro and host chat Minx recorded an episode of D&D Dads podcast with J.R. Blackwell, but the podcast hasn’t yet launched. Stay tuned! We had fun in Copenhagen! 3:00 Poly in the news Polyamory Works for Them in the New York Times “TV’s Most Interesting Polyamorous Relationship,” says TV Guide about Siren 9:00 When love IS a zero-sum game Listener Micah writes in to ask what to do now that his wife brought up the idea of poly, started dating someone half her age, and is now having much less sex with Micah. If we are painting a rosy, easy picture of poly, we need to change, because the emotional development required for polyamory (or any relationship) takes time and effort. Lusty Guy wonders about the use of the word “affair”—is this a reflection of your jealousy, or do you feel she wasn’t being honest? The issue is likely some preexisting issue in your relationship (perhaps the libido difference, perhaps something else). This sounds like “relationship broken, add more people.” To strengthen your relationship, have an honest conversation with your wife. Stop comparing before and after the metamour and start talking about the behaviors you want to see to feel better in your relationship. And ask for the same of her. 19:00 Happy poly moment A monogamous listener writes in to share a happy not-poly moment about not panicking when her fiancé shared that he was attracted to a colleague, and our listener could accept it without jealousy or drama! 20:45 Feedback Soft Shell Crabby wrote in a follow up after we address her question in episode 574 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour (spoiler: it helped, and they are better now!) Reama says some really nice things about the quality of our content. 23:40 Thank you! Thanks to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Mirjam, Syncione, Quinlan, and Melvin! 24:10 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
A listener asks if her new boyfriend is emotionally unavailable, will poly help? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:10 Poly in the news Unicorn hunting spreads as Vice gets it Four clear glasses frames that say “I haven’t tried polyamory, but I’ve watched Vice documentaries on it” Google Calendar is down, which means you can do anything you want, according to Twitter 7:50 Is poly a solution for emotionally unavailable partners? A listener writes in to ask if polyamory is possible when her partner seems to be currently emotionally unavailable. Our listener met a guy five months ago, when she was a newly-single mom not looking for commitment. They never talked about what their relationship was, but our listener knew she wanted something casual and honest. Then he planned an all-day romantic date, felt relationshippy, which followed up by not reading her text messages, which led her to feel insecure and question her own behavior. They talked, and he mentioned he didn’t want to replicate a previous codependent relationship, and things were fin for a while. Then polyamory came up in a dinner with friends, and he mentioned it might work if she was his primary, but he wasn’t involved with any others. Good for you for realizing both you and he have boundaries and needs that need to be considered Short answer is no, a relationship can't be healthy if both you and he are more concerned about enforcing boundaries than letting the relationship develop organically This falls into the "relationship broken; add more people" paradigm, which typically does not work out well This is a great opportunity for both of you to negotiate the relationship you each need. Ask for what you want (not to negatively affect your daughter but to still feel appreciated) and listen to what he wants (to have good quality time and lots of space). Both of you should ask for specific behaviors--what specific things can he do make you feel appreciated? what specific things can you do to make sure he has "space"? And one last thing--relationship conversations are best in person. Avoid having these discussions over text if at all possible. 15:30 Feedback Laura from episode 588 When to give up on polyamory wrote in to give us a happy update, a year later! 19:30 Happy poly moment Laura ends up her feedback by sharing a generous happy poly moment on the part of her husband A poly newbie in Germany shares a happy poly moment about her partner and metamour providing a bathroom shelf and toothbrush for her! 24:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Celebrating the amazing sex-positive activist Allena Gabosch, who gave us a big scare last week. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Last week, we nearly lost an amazing sex-positive educator to cancer. Allena Gabosch has pulled through, so this week’s episode is a replay of my 2010 interview with Allena. In Bawdy Storyelling podcast episode 78, Dixie de la Tour shares her feelings about nearly losing Allena Gabosch. 4:30 Interview: Allena Gabosch The lovely and talented Allena Gabosch, director of Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture, shares the origin story of the Center in its current state and her own experiences with polyamory. Recorded in 2010 from Paradise Unbound! 50:25 Poly in the news Modern Family: More Courts Allowing Three Parents of One Child Polyamorous parenting: the surprising benefits of the ultimate modern family 55:30 Thank you! Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 56:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
My boyfriend and I transitioned from a don't-ask-don't-tell relationship to full honest, transparent polyamory. Now I want to meet my formerly DADT metamour when she comes to visit him next month. Is that OK? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com We’ll be in Copenhagen next month; let us know what we should do/see! 1:50 Poly in the news Studies showing the best stats on how many people have practiced non-monogamy at some point in their lives. Around 20-21% have practiced consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives; 4% of relationships are open in some way; and 4-5% of the population of the United States was currently involved in a CNM relationship Keep in mind that 5% of the current US population identifies at GLBT, with 8.2% of millennials self-identifying at GLBT 6:10 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour? Soft Shell Crabby writes in to say she’s 43 and her boyfriend is 42, and they’ve been together for four years. They did a don’t-ask-don’t-tell (DADT) style of nonmonogamy for a while, but they ended up becoming so deeply involved that they talked about being more open, honest, and transparent with each other. He confessed that he’d been poly before but had avoided bringing it up to avoid the tough conversations that would inevitably follow. He also has a pre-arranged sexy-time visit set up with a girlfriend who was flying in from New York, and Soft Shell Crabby now wants to meet that metamour. She asks if it’s unreasonable to ask for to meet her formerly DADT metamour, and by the way what should she do about the fact that the metamour is cheating on her husband with SSC’s boyfriend? SSC feels like her boyfriend gets to call all the shots. Everything you feel is reasonable and OK. He isn’t getting to call all the shots. You get to call your shots; your boyfriend gets to call his shot; your metamour gets to call her shots. It’s not a good idea to ask a partner to deliver a message to another partner. Direct communication is better. It IS a good idea to ask for what you want (to meet her), with the understanding that she has the right to say no. Is there something within the power of your partner to give that would alleviate your feelings? Do YOU want a threesome/group sex like he’s having with her? Ask him to arrange it for you! How do you forgive your boyfriend for this unethical behavior? First, focus on your limits, not his behavior. Can you be in a relationship with someone who facilitates cheating? If not, you have the right to leave. Second, the way you “forgive your man for conducting his relationships in an unethical manner” is to exercise understanding of the pattern of behavior (he also hid his desire for poly from you) and to exercise compassion. Third, most people have cheated at some point. Consider exercising more compassion and less judgment. This is a good time to decide what you need at the very minimum in terms of contact from your metamours. You may need a higher or lower level of contact, but this is a good time to explore that and figure out what you need to be happy. 19:15 Happy Poly Moment Johnny shared a moment in which he picked out his girlfriend’s birthday gift with his wife. And his girlfriend’s husband reached out to Johnny as a poly newbie to see if Johnny needed anything for the big birthday get together! 20:30 Feedback Jessica gives feedback on episode 573 about using the term “nerd blackface.” We address two concerns: (1) that by using the term “blackface” to refer to nerds, we devalue the power of the original term, which we agree with and (2) that the term doesn’t apply to The Big Bang Theory, which we disagree with. The latter is based on a large group of people who self-identify as nerds and do find the term applies, and we are not comfortable dismissing the critique of that group of people. 25:25 Thank you! Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 25:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
My metamour and I get along great, and I need a roommate. Will it muck things up if I ask them to move in? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:10 Poly in the news Who really practices polyamory? In Rolling Stone Leonard’s mom goes poly on Big Bang Theory 9:55 Topic: Should I live with my metamour? Olipoly writes in about the possibility of living with her metamour; she doesn’t want to live with her partner and gets along with them great. She’s considering asking her metamour to move in to the room that her roommate is moving out of. Don’t ask us; ask them! Ask them all the questions you just asked us and think through the possibilities to discover hard limits. Practice by spending a weekend together. Treat them professionally, like a client you need to keep happy. Get a dishwasher. 16:15 Happy Poly Moment Bunz in Knoxville originally had a negative impression of polyamory. But she and her husband read, talked out it, did exercises, and even started a meetup group in Knoxville! 18:00 Feedback Mike gives feedback on episode 572 about one person not taking responsibility for someone else’s emotions. 23:35 Thank you! Welcome Susan to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 23:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
What do you do when your partner gets so jealous that you feel compelled to give up your boyfriend, while your hubby happily dates away? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:25 Poly in the news Study could explain why people choose to have multiple relationships 3:25 Topic: what do I do when my partner agrees to be poly but gets jealous when I date? Debby writes in to ask what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. She and her husband are in their 50s, four years into their second marriage, and did the research before opening up 18 months into their relationship. He was into no-strings-attached sex but got very jealous when Debby would date. She finally had to dump her boyfriend (in a poly marriage of 15 years) due to her husband’s inability to cope with his jealousy. She asks what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. We both think it DID work—he liked the sex, and you loved your boyfriend. The question is, does monogamy work for you? Debby might be confusing behaviors with relationship labels. You’re still having to deal with all the risks and tasks of polyamory—jealousy, scheduling, emotional issues—but you somehow don’t get to date and experience the benefits. What steps did he take to address his jealousy? It was a mistake to stop giving him the opportunity to practicing his jealousy coping mechanisms. There must be a middle ground between “I must live half a life” and “we get a divorce.” Someone else’s emotions require for them to change behaviors, not yours. It’s not for Debby to take responsibility for her husband’s jealousy. His emotions are his and require action from him, not from her. Don’t let your partner’s emotional reactions control your actions. So now it seems that Debby feels forced to give up a perfectly healthy relationship due to her husband’s inability to deal with his jealousy. If they do revert to monogamy, how will she take steps to avoid resentment? 18:15 Feedback Katie gives feedback on scheduling from episode 565—no one with kids has that kind of availability! 21:00 Happy Poly Moment Heather wrote in to share when one of her partner's besties said to her about Heather (who is happily married) today, "can't you two just be together forever? She is so perfect for you!" Good validation! 23:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
On the launch of their new book, Koe Creation shares what it was like growing up in a polyamorous household. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com We had fun at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK! 3:00 Poly in the news On the opposite site of the earth, is poly on the rise? Collection of media coverage in NZ over the last few years 5:15 Interview: Koe Creation, author of This Heart Holds Many We talk about Koe’s new book, This Heart Holds Many, and the challenge of writing a semiautobiographical book about growing up in a poly family. Find them online at their website, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram as @koecreate. 23:00 Happy Poly Moment Kim writes in to share TWO happy poly moments about her metamour getting married (One Family Podcast) Olivia writes in to share a Thanksgiving happy poly moment with her asexual partners 26:35 Thank you! Welcome to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Chris and Alisha! 27:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
We chat with Laura Zielinsky, author of a new poly erotic novel 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th #sopoco2019 Soly Poly Unconference is happening in San Francisco, CA May 4-5, 2019 3:30 Interview: Laura Zielinsky, author of We Are Three We interview Laura Zielinksy, author of new poly erotic novel We Three: One and One and One Makes Three. Book summary: Eric and Elena Tanner have been enjoying their lifestyle membership at the Club Caliente for years. Swinging fulfills their desire to meet new people and engage in group sex. When the new bartender, Jess, flirts with them and agrees to play in a threesome, Eric and Elena make plans for a single night of pleasure. All three are satisfied, so Jess is invited to come again. And again. For months Elena, Jess, and Eric meet up for lots of sex, and dinners. There are casual nights in Netflix and chilling. It's heady, addictive and no one wants it to end. However, they all know that's the deal in the lifestyle. Swingers move out of each other's lives all the time. Complication is the enemy. So what happens when they start to fall in love? 18:25 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Genuine poly couple, Sebastian and Claire, take you through a close and critical reading of The Ethical Slut, by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. In this unabridged episode we dive into the details of Chapter Two: Myths and Realities. Both in Boston, Claire still can't pronounce 'Dossie', and Sebastian comments on being queer. Some spoilers on Parks and Rec, American Horror Story, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Magicians, Orange is the New Black, and House of Cards. Show Notes: For more on Victorian Porn, the seminal original work on this was done by Henry Spencer Ashbee, whose enclyclopedia of sex is digitized by Oxford University, and can be found here. Also see Davis, Tracy C. (1989). "Sexual Language in Victorian Society and Theatre" in The American Journal of Semiotics. The Long Way to A Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers can be reviewed here on goodreads. On Newt Gringrich not being polyam, from the wonderful Poly Weekly. Future Sex by Emily Witt can be reviewed here on goodreads. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages,. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - polypages@gmail.com - for any questions or comments. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/polypages/support
Sex therapist Dr. Liz Powell rejoins us to talk about how she became a sex therapist and why she wrote her new book, Building Open Relationships. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th. 2:45 Poly in the news Non-monogamous relationships are normal, and the stigma needs to end 7:35 Interview: Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell Dr. Liz Powell shares how and why she got into sex therapy, including her stint and internship in the army dealing with combat stress and families, moonlighting in private practice in Savannah, GA serving the LGBTQIA community, and continuing to do sex therapy work afterwards. Misconceptions about sex therapy: it’s not all about the sex. It’s about the relationship people have with their own bodies, with their partners, and to the stories of sexuality and pleasure. Many therapists only get two days of training on sexuality issues, if at all. What is the most common communication issue that you see? Expectations of mind-reading and letting things go unsaid rather than communicating your wants and needs openly and honestly. Why Building Open Relationships? It’s less about theory and more nuts and bolts of how to make a relationship successful with full respect for individual autonomy and consent. For example, think about how your message will land or be perceived rather than just the way you want to say it. Find it at www.buildingopenrelationships.com or www.sexpositivepsych.com or www.drlizpowell.com. Find her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Her previous episode on this podcast was 554 Grief and loss in relationships. 31:50 Happy poly moment Geoff and Sylvie share happy poly moments. 34:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Joseph Pred shares the Consent Framework, a tool for community organizers to get and enforce consent at events. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat Did you enjoy February 28 National Metamour Day? We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th 2:30 Poly in the news There’s a dark side of polyamory that nobody talks about Seven polyamory myths it’s time to stop believing Polyamory on the rise on NPR! 11:30 Interview: consent framework with Joseph Pred Download the consent frameworks Email address: consentframework@gmail.com Website: consentframework.org Twitter: @consentframewrk Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/consentframework/ 32:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Do families have to live together? My partners and I agreed to live together and have kids, but now I'm not so sure. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We took a two-month break to figure out what this podcast will be moving forward. We’re excited about new guests and will be moving to a biweekly format. NCSF has declared February 28 National Metamour Day The Iron Realm podcast is an audio drama dungeon crawl RPG adventure. 5:45 Poly in the news Is there such a thing as poly-dar? Do poly folks have certain recognizable traits? 8:00 Topic: Do families need to live together? Lewis has a male partner and a woman partner, Sally, and the three of them have discussed living together as a family and fathering kids with Sally. However, Lewis says their communication has not been great and their relationship was pretty dysfunctional until recently. He also values his own space and privacy. Is it OK to father kids if you don’t intend to live together as a family? Good instinct to get counseling when the relationship isn’t already pretty healthy You decide what’s good for you, not what’s good for anyone else 17:30 Feedback A listener calls in to ask how to find poly folks rural Pennsylvania. 22:45 Happy Poly Moment Danielle shares a snow day happy poly moment. Lusty Guy shares a surprise happy poly moment! 25:30 Thank you Thanks to Shelly for the donation, and welcome Laurel and Terra to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 32:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Kevin Patterson, Chris Smith, Lusty Guy, and Minx discuss what we mean by "toxic masculinity" and how we should respond to both the term and the thing itself. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat 1:30 Topic: Toxic masculinity Kevin Patterson, creator of the Poly Role Models blog and author of Love’s Not Color Blind and For Hire: Operator, Chris Smith, a doctoral student at Howard University, author of Open to Love: Polyamory and the Black American and relationship researcher, and Lusty Guy, our cohost and producer. What is toxic masculinity? Setting absolutes on how gender can present and act. What makes it toxic? Anything in too great a quantity can be toxic. How toxic masculinity really relates to sports: if emotions are so key to teamwork, how can masculinity? What do we want “masculine” to be? It’s not inherent. Why is there a negative reaction to the idea of “toxic masculinity,” as in any other instance where too much of something is toxic? First response should be to do a self-assessment. How does this relate to polyamory? We need to beware of harem fantasies driving all the media representation of polyamory and of societal scripts of jealousy meaning love and other men being enemies. Everyone’s a little bit toxic. Find Kevin Patterson on email at PolyRoleModels@gmail.com, online at PolyRoleModels.tumblr.com, on Twitter at @PolyRoleModels, on facebook.com/PolyRoleModels. Oon Instagram at @PolyRoleModels, and his new fiction work For Hire: Operator is on facebook.com/ForHIreMag or on the web here: tinyurl.com/ForHireMag1 We talked with Kevin and Alana about this new work on episode 563 and about Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamory and Other Alternative Communities on episode 545. Chris Smith in on Instagram at @SmithChristopherN or via email at Tenabilitymovement@gmail.com. We talked with Chris about Poly and the Black American on episode 528. 32:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
What do you do when your long-distance partners move into town, and you find yourself with too many partners and too little time? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Poly in the news What is polyamory? This is what it’s really like to have multiple partners. Heath Schechinger is one of the leaders of the new Consensual Non-Monogamy Task Force within the American Psychological Association. They're getting stuff done to advance professional understanding of us and our needs. 2:30 Topic: Help! I’m polysaturated! Paul writes in as a relative poly newbie who finds himself with more local partners than he can manage. We advise that it’s OK (and in fact, usually required!) to take time for yourself and love yourself first, figure out how you would ideally spend your time (putting your own needs first), and then share that information with your partners to see if that meets their needs and let them decide if they can live with that. 12:45 Happy poly moment Heath Schechinger writes in to share a happy poly moment about bringing up relationship orientation as part of the intake process at his clinic. Jim shares a fun story about his teenage son feeling comfortable enough to ask for personal lubricant—and to ask for his mom’s boyfriend to come by (and no, those two things aren’t related!) 16:30 Thank you! Welcome Abraham, Jim, and Eric as our newest Poly Weekly Playmates! 16:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Lawyer Melissa Hall shares exciting news about the new parentage act being enacted in Washington state and hopefully, beyond. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat and announcements Let’s talk about the new Netflix show, Wanderlust. **SPOILERS FROM 4:30-9:30** 9:30 Poly in the news Teen Vogue hits it out of the park again. 10:30 Interview: Melissa Hall on new, poly-friendly parentage laws in the U.S. Melissa Hall shares updates to parentage laws in Washington state and adoptable throughout the U.S. The Parentage Act makes possible third-parent adoptions and establishes rules for de facto parentage. This enables third- (or fourth!)-parent adoptions. “Uniform law” means they’ll push to enact in all 50 states. New definitions of de facto parenting mean that the court can recognize people as parents when both the adult and kid see the kid as a parent, even if they aren’t a legal parent. Find Melissa on Twitter at @vrimj, online at www.Smol-law.com or via email at Melissa@smollaw.com. 24:15 Feedback Alana writes in about episode 560 Poly and pregnant, saying that they had to revert to monogamy during her pregnancy due to hormones, stress, and the insecurities that surfaced. 26:15 Happy poly moment Louise in the U.K. writes in to share a story of going from being lonely and polyunsaturated to being in the middle of a long squiggly polycule and full of NRE. 28:15 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan have come out with a new superhero novel in which queerness, polyamory, and people of color are normalized. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat and announcements Poly Big Fun, an annual workshop and retreat for people who identify as polyamorous, will take place virtually on November 10th, 2018. Franklin Veaux will be presenting “My abuser is Woke: Recognizing abuse when an abuser is skilled in the language of social justice.” Joreth Innkeeper will be presenting “Breaking up in the poly community.” Visit www.polybigfun.com to register and find out more. 3:00 Interview: a poly superhero fiction work Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan give us a taste of their new book, a superhero novel in centered on queer, poly people of color. Finally, a love triangle in which the existence of the triangle isn’t the source of conflict! In this world, “operators” are the dirtier, heroes-for-hire in a world where law-abiding superheroes get all the press. What happens when a superhero and an operator are in a relationship? Release is October 12, 2018 on Amazon; release party is October 24 at 6:00 in Philadelphia at Amalgam Comics and Coffee House. Alana is The Polyamorous Librarian online, on Facebook, and Patreon. Find Kevin as Poly Role Models on Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Patreon. Follow For Hire on Facebook and Twitter. 27:30 Thanks Thanks to Miryam for becoming our latest PW Playmate! 27:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
If my partner wants to date a long-time monogamous friend without her partner's explicit consent, how to I object without imposing my ethics on my partner? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:00 Where do my ethics end and my partner’s begin? Kate calls is uncomfortable with her partner’s new person of interest (POI), who is a lifetime friend and in a monogamous relationship. The POI says she is bringing up poly with her partner, and Kate, her partner, and the POI are currently negotiating physical contact for an upcoming meeting to discuss Kate’s partner and the POI’s relationship. Kate is worried about violating the POI’s relationship agreement with her mono partner. We both see this essentially as cheating, and we don’t think it’s a good idea for your partner to ask you to watch him cheat. Having meeting that doesn’t include the POI’s partner is duplicitous (or “skeevy”, as Minx calls it) Can you trust a partner who is willing to violate someone else’s relationship agreement? You can’t tell a grown-ass adult what to do, but you can control your own behavior. You can choose not to participate in the meeting, to insist on talking to the POI’s partner before the meeting to ensure transparency and consent, or you can choose to leave your existing relationship. 15:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
If our relationship is healthy, and I want more sex and to explore my bisexuality, will poly work for us? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com What’s been going on with Minx, why we went on an unexpected hiatus (physical therapy for osteoarthritis). We’re leaving for a 10-day vacation in Paris! And we’ll be in Hawaii in January 9:30 Can poly work for a sexual mismatch? Bryan is a bisexual man in Germany who loves his healthy relationship with his girlfriend of four years, except for one thing—he wants sex daily; she wants sex once a month. Can poly work for their sexual mismatch of their otherwise healthy relationship? Yes, it can, if your relationship is otherwise healthy. Unless what you really want is not more sex but more sex with your girlfriend--that won’t work. Keep aware that even if you say you just want sex and no love/relationship—life doesn’t work like that. Consider sex workers if you really just want more sex with no danger of anyone falling in love with anyone else. German FKK clubs are wonderful. If you decide sex workers aren’t for you, take some time to discuss what you’re afraid of. Explore these discussions over time and while you’re in different moods, over weeks or even months. Do your research, find more books to read. Find your community. 22:30 Happy Poly Moment R shares a cookie-baking happy poly moment. 25:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Chloé is pregnant and now feeling possessive of her husband. Should she ask her metamour to find someone else to date so she's not so in love with Chloé's husband? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:00 Poly in the news An article came out in TIME Magazine, What Monogamous Couples Can Learn from Polyamorous Relationships, According to Experts, and it’s amazingly good! Here’s how poly folks can school monos, according to the article: Communication Defining the relationship Practicing safe sex Managing jealousy Maintaining a sense of independence Read Alan’s writeup of this article as well as his exhaustive roundup post of similar past articles. 14:00 Poly and pregnant Chloé and her husband each have a long-distance relationship outside their own, which they see a few times a year. She is now pregnant and feeling more territorial about her husband. She’s finding she wants her metamour not to be so in love with Chloé’s husband and to find her “own” primary. Your feelings won’t change if your metamour finds someone else, because they are YOUR feelings. Your insecurity is yours to own and manage. Try the And then what jealousy exercise as well as reviewing the other content we’ve done on jealousy. Look inwards to your own feelings instead of outward at your metamour. Your instinct to find a poly support network. Look both in life and online; we recommend the Poly Families Yahoo group. Phone, video, or in-person are the best media for relationship conversations. 22:30 Feedback Friggin Limey wrote a response to episode 558 on deciding when to give up on poly. He has given up on poly and decided that monogamy is what he needs. 24:30 Happy Poly Moment Kimberly writes in with a happy poly moment about her partner moving in with the family! She also asks about when and how to come out at work with her new job—should she bring her poly family to the “bring your family” event occurring before she starts? 31:15 Thank you! Welcome to Matthew and Jeff as new Poly Weekly Playmates! 32:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
How to cope when your partners buy a house and consider adopting a teenager with little to no input from you. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat Thanks toMiss Fisher Con 2018 for hosting us. You should sign up for next year’s mailing list! Listen to episode 558 to find out more about our sex-positive panel at Miss Fisher Con 2018 and more about the event itself. 2:00 My partners are making life decisions without me A listener wrote in to ask what to do. He is a queer male in a quad. Seven years ago, he and his partner T moved to be in the same city as W and E. They had talked off and on about cohabitation, and recently W and E decided to get a bigger house that would accommodate the four of them. W and E decided on budget and location and showed their final choice to our letter writer and his partner, which left him feeling excluded from the decision-making process. Later on, he asked about some jokes W and E were making, and it turns out they were considering adopting a teenager, which until recently would have been a deal-breaker for him. He shut down and curled into a ball. He wants to confront them, but he fears losing the relationship. It’s helpful not to think of this as a confrontation but instead a transparency session where everyone gets to say what they think and feel in a safe space. Focus on behaviors, not on assumptions about what those behaviors might mean. When you were bothered by your perception that W and E thought that the final home tour would be sufficient, own that you are talking about perceptions instead of actual communication. Own your own sh*t and ask for what you want. You never indicated that you actually told them how and when or even that you wanted to be involved in the home-buying process—it’s your job to ask for that participation in so many words. Assume goodwill all around. If you haven’t specified what you want, it’s best to assume others’ intentions are good. This is a great time to begin the habit of full disclosure. Communicate early and often. State expectations expressly instead of keeping them to yourself. 16:30 Happy Poly Moment Alan writes in about trying poly because his wife wanted to date an old college boyfriend. He found a special friend at a poly event and they spent a lovely weekend together during which he got to meet his metamours and had a fun poly family experience. 18:30 Thank you! Welcome to Tara, Christopher, Katherine, Nicola, Kerry, Elizabeth, Tony, and Heidi as new Poly Weekly Playmates! 19:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Allison Moon cohosts this episode offering advice to a listener who wants to know when to give up on polyamory that is making everyone unhappy. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat Welcome to today’s cohost, Allison Moon, author of Girl Sex 101 and Bad Dyke. Their new podcast is Artgasm. Allison, Liz Powell, Bianca and I did a fun panel on sex-positivity at Miss Fisher Con 2018! We had such a fantastic time and learned a lot. So grateful for that opportunity, and we learned a lot! You should sign up for next year’s mailing list! And listen to the Miss Fisher Philes podcast if you’re also a fan of the show; their Tumblr is here. 11:00 When to give up on polyamory A listener wrote in to ask when to give up on polyamory. They had been married for 10 years and opened up because they both liked the idea; they read all the books; already made all the mistakes; wrote their user manuals; and they both love the idea. But they have yet to feel compersion and now often go to bed sobbing or angry, and the husband is going through depressive episodes. When do you give up on polyamory? In general, if a relationship structure isn’t making you a happier and healthier version of yourself, it’s OK to go back to one that is If your reason for trying polyamory isn’t extremely compelling, maybe it isn’t right for you—don’t try to force something that feels wrong to you How are you measuring success? Consider measuring success by lessons learned or happiness rather than by ability to “get” a partner or by the absence of jealousy. All the emotions you feel are OK. Quit judging yourself for having emotions and instead use them to increase your self knowledge. Try the And then what Ignore the “sunk costs” fallacy—everything you’ve done so far will make you better at any relationship, so don’t continue only because you feel you’ve invested so much in poly. You’ve invested that in YOU! 25:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
We chat with Kat Stark, blogger, podcaster, and author of Yelling in Pasties: the Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat Episode 555 intro music has been fixed—thanks to those who wrote in to let me know of the error Thank you to everyone who bought our books—we’re coming to Paris this fall, thanks to your purchases! Come to the Life on the Swingset LGBTQIA+ takeover of the Desire Resort Riviera Maya in Cancún, Mexico! There will be live nude karaoke, demos of pegging, fisting, and flogging, speed dating, orgies and gang bangs and more! Find out more at com 5:45 Interview: Kat Stark Kat Stark is a blogger and sex toy reviewer for OnTheWetCoast.com, they co-host the On The Wet Coast podcast, and have lent their voice as audiobook narrator for Cooper Beckett’s novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity. They are a genderqueer, sex-positive, geeky, non-monogamous, Canadian, queer, bisexual, deviant, slutty, feminist pervert. We talk about why they wrote their new book, Yelling In Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut and what it’s like to open up a relationship, question one’s gender identity, and deal with anxiety in one’s mid-40s. You can find them on Twitter as @WetcoastKat on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/WetcoastKat and on Instagram as kat.stark. 28:30 Happy poly moment Lala writes in about a wonderful experience with a person whom she’s been dating for six weeks. 30:30 Thank you! Thanks to new Playmates Stacy and Kimberly, and thanks to Ulrike for the one-time donation! 31:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
A listener writes in to ask why she was surprised with her partner's dating someone else, even with shared calendars. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat The Netflix Party Chrome plugin lets you watch the same Netflix show simultaneously at different locations, and it has a chat feature! 3:00 Are shared calendars enough? A listener is in a closed triad of eight months, joining a married couple (D and Y) of eight years in everyone’s first poly relationship. They only started sharing calendars two weeks ago, and our listener saw a date night on their shared calendar on our listener’s regular Friday date night. It turns out it was a couple D and Y had met previously, decided to have drinks with, and decided not to invite our listener. Our listener felt surprised and wanted to know how to handle scheduling with multiple partners. It’s not unusual to feel bad about having someone else’s date night sprung on them as a surprise. Calendars are no substitute for communication. Since you just started sharing calendars, let’s assume goodwill all around and chalk it up to a communication glitch. D and Y might just have fallen into their old couple communications patterns. Minx has had a hard time breaking her solo-poly decision-making patterns, so let’s take this as an opportunity to address a habit that might need to change. Never assume; always ask. If you want a standing date night, ask for it explicitly and ask for how you want it changed when changes are necessary. Calendar changes are great opportunities to do relationship check-ins to see how everyone is feeling about the current relationships. You get to have a say in dates and relationships that affect you. The Relationship Bill of Rights. It’s generally better to give someone the option to say no rather than to assume the answer would be no and not invite them. 13:45 Happy poly moment Natalie writes in with an adorable happy poly moment about her anniversary! 16:15 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
A listener writes in to ask how to weed out the jerks when dating. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat You’ve got me solo because LustyGuy and L are on vacation GREAT hanging out with Kevin Patterson on his Love’s Not Color Blind book tour 3:10 How to weed out the jerks Heather writes in to ask whether she should leave “poly” off her dating profile, since the last few guys either dumped her for someone else or might have been lying about being divorced. How does one weed out the creeps when dating? Poly is no guarantee of easy dating, any more than monogamy is Tips from No Dick Pics: Your Guide to Creating an Irresistible Online Dating Profile Define what polyamory means to you and state specifically how you practice it Try putting in a “test”—link to your user manual and ask a question from it to weed out anyone who hasn’t read it. Or put in a quote from your favorite movie and request that respondents put the title of the movie as their message subject—that way, you can see immediately if they took enough time to read directions or not. Set dating goals that are independent of other people’s actions, such as “go on five dates this month” or “meet with my friend to sift through messages together” or “spend one night a week on self-care” Go do thing you love; be your best and happiest self 15:15 Feedback Kim calls in to keep Minx honest 16:15 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Dr. Liz Powell shares advice on dealing with grief and loss in relationships 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements We had a great time and debuted our new class,, The Art of the Breakup, at RelateCon in Boise, Idaho. Thanks for having us! 3:00 Dealing with grief and loss in relationships Dr. Liz Powell shares insights from her class at RelateCon on dealing with grief and loss in relationships, both in terms of death and of breakups. Find out more about her, her work, and her upcoming book at SexPositivePsych.com and BuildingOpenRelationships.com 34:00 Thank you! Thanks to Heather and Michael for their generous donations this week! 34:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
What if my metamour won't meet me? My metamour asked my partner to uninvite me to an event he'd invited me to to avoid meeting me, and now I feel displaced. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements We had a great time at Southwest Love Fest April 6-8 We’re also debuting a new class, The Art of the Breakup, at RelateCon April 25-27 in Boise, Idaho 5:00 What if my metamour won’t meet me? Nick from New Orleans wants to meet his metamours, but his partner’s lovers don’t want to meet him, and she would typically break up with them before he got the chance. Figure out your own personal boundaries and how important it is to you. With the understanding that you can’t force anyone to meet you, express your needs and personal boundaries/limits around meeting metamours to your partner. Give her the chance to know your needs, which she can then communicate BEFORE she starts dating someone instead of after. Check out the Relationship Bill of Rights. Rose is a straight cis woman with two partners, one local, and one, Greg, who lives a few hours away. His other partner Alice is monogamous, out-of-state, only tolerates Rose’s existence, and refuses to meet Rose until Rose and Greg break up. Greg recently invited Rose to an event, and Alice asked him to un-invite her so that Alice could enjoy the event with Greg. Relationship Bill of Rights. You can say “no” to the request, perhaps with a counter-offer that you take this event, and she takes the next one. Begin negotiations. You have the right to seek compromise. You have an equal say in what your relationship with Greg will look like. Same for your relationship with Alice. And you have a right not to be treated as subordinate to anyone else in the relationship. It’s important to discuss behaviors (Greg’s uninviting you) and the emotions you feel around that, but resist the urge to assume motivations behind Alice’s behavior. Having the hinge of the vee do all the communication with the edges of the vee is problematic. Every play “telephone”? Open communication will prevent a lot of drama. 24:00 Feedback Anonymous asks if women experience a post-coital bliss state similar to that following male orgasm after a squirting orgasm. 27:30 Happy poly moment A listener wrote in to share the joys of dating your species! 31:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
"Dear Dan. What is up with cock rings?" Dan is all too delighted to answer. A married woman is in an open relationship, and hooks up with a friend of theirs. This "lover" doesn't make her come. Rather, after her insufficient sessions with him, she returns home to her husband who gets the job done. Should she tell the lover that he is inadequate when it feeds such a hot dynamic with her husband? On the Magnum, welcome to Poly Town! The wonderful Cunning Minx, host of the Poly Weekly podcast, is on to answer a couple head scratchers. How do you merge families? Get one giant house? What about kids? Also, how to do poly real, real wrong. Finally, a woman newly broken up with her boyfriend discovers that he's been looking at YouTube videos with titles like "How to win back your stubborn girlfriend." Should she cut cut him out of her life a little bit, or a lot? What do you think? 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Hims, the one-stop shop for hair loss, skincare, and sexual wellness, for men. Get a trial month of everything you need to keep your hair - for just $5 by going to For . This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by BollandBranch.com: luxury, affordable fair trade certified sheets. Get $50 off a set of sheets plus free shipping by going to and enter Savage. This podcast is brought to you by . Click on the microphone and enter "Savage" for postage and a digital scale.
"Dear Dan. What is up with cock rings?" Dan is all too delighted to answer. A married woman is in an open relationship, and hooks up with a friend of theirs. This "lover" doesn't make her come. Rather, after her insufficient sessions with him, she returns home to her husband who gets the job done. Should she tell the lover that he is inadequate when it feeds such a hot dynamic with her husband? On the Magnum, welcome to Poly Town! The wonderful Cunning Minx, host of the Poly Weekly podcast, is on to answer a couple head scratchers. How do you merge families? Get one giant house? What about kids? Also, how to do poly real, real wrong. Finally, a woman newly broken up with her boyfriend discovers that he's been looking at YouTube videos with titles like "How to win back your stubborn girlfriend." Should she cut cut him out of her life a little bit, or a lot? What do you think? 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Hims, the one-stop shop for hair loss, skincare, and sexual wellness, for men. Get a trial month of everything you need to keep your hair - for just $5 by going to For . This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by BollandBranch.com: luxury, affordable fair trade certified sheets. Get $50 off a set of sheets plus free shipping by going to and enter Savage. This podcast is brought to you by . Click on the microphone and enter "Savage" for postage and a digital scale.
Cesar's wife told him she missed him and then left to be with her lover. Is the solution to tell her not to say she misses him? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements We’ll be teaching Painless Poly Dating 101 and Poly Pitfalls: Fixing Things When They Break at Southwest Love Fest April 6-8 We’re also debuting a new class, The Art of the Breakup, at RelateCon April 25-27 in Boise, Idaho Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women is now available for streaming on Hulu And in related news, Minx gave herself permission to stop reading The Secret History of Wonder Woman and opt instead to start a new book more focused on a feminist hero, Americanah 7:45 Poly in the News A poly quad was on the Today show on March 1 and holy crap it was great 10:00 My wife chose her lover over me Cesar called in to ask for advice. His wife opened up their relationship and has a “fuckbuddy.” Cesar has four jobs; she has one. Time together is at a minimum. When she picked him up one night, she told him she missed him and then left to spend the night with her other partner. Cesar got mad, asked her not to tell him she missed him if she was going to leave. He feels she should have spent the evening with him having makeup sex instead of with her other partner. Was her date a surprise? If so, talk about minimizing surprises by discussing scheduling and changes to the schedule in advance. Did you decide together to open up the relationship, or did your wife make the decision to open up? If the latter, you will have a lot of additional feelings to unpack. Let her be the expert on her. Believe your partner when she expresses her feelings and vulnerability. Accusing her of lying is responding to her vulnerability with aggression. Never tell a partner to stop telling you how they feel! Try responding to her “I miss you” with “I miss you, too. When can we make time for each other?” Or try using the “when you ____, I feel ___” structure to share your feelings about what she just said. Don’t borrow trouble. Stop imaging the worst. Ask for what you want. Have you asked for more time with her? She didn’t skip makeup sex with you because you hadn’t made up! You’ve made up when you both have a shared understanding of the conflict, you’ve both apologized for your contributions to it, and you have both agreed on specific actions to prevent it in the future. 27:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Hello everyone!We open this week with a discussion on to best mediate conflicts in relationships. While this is a topic that we've covered before we wanted to present an alternate take from one of the main contributors from PolyWeekly, LustyGuy, as he offers his views on how to fight fair in a relationship to ensure everyone has the maximum potential to "win".Our main topic is on transitions. During the course of last week's episode we discovered that this was a topic that we both wanted to delve into, so here we are. We talk about what the more common transitions that we will face in life are, and the ways we can best broach them, prepare for them, and thrive from them. We close out this week's show with a question about compatibility. Our questioner keeps dating guys that he discovers aren't compatible with him once they start dating. Is this a question of romantic connection, vulnerability, or of being true to yourself? For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode. Thanks and, as always, be well!
Is it OK to date someone who doesn't communicate well if he's all that's available and I like him? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements Take the Relations Decisions Lab survey and click Participants>Open Relationship survey if you are currently monogamous and looking to open up your relationship Come to Poly Dallas Millennium in Dallas this year! 4:15 Listener question: is it OK to date the strong, silent type? Copper is in a rural area of Alaska and met a guy that she experienced a strong connection with, but he’s not very communicative, and she’s afraid of oversharing. How does she mesh the “poly culture” of emotional intelligence and communication with the “Alaskan culture” of not communicating around emotions? Lusty Guy says it’s not about cultures but about what YOU need. And do you really want to date someone who blew you off? Minx says “you do you.” Be yourself. He might not be afraid of your oversharing—you won’t know until you try. Fuck poly community standards—do you need someone who communicates well? If not, go to it! If you are OK dating someone you can’t share your shit with or just need Mr. Right Now, go right ahead. 16:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Ben Shenker, a lawyer practicing in Maryland and D.C., answers your poly questions 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements Take the Relations Decisions Lab survey and click Participants>Open Relationship survey if you are currently monogamous and looking to open up your relationship We’ll be at Southwest Love Fest next month! 3:15 Ask Benjamin Shenker, a poly lawyer Listeners call and write in to ask: Besides an LLC, how can more than two people own property together? (LLC, partnership, corporation, trust or a tenancy in common) If my ex has remarried in a more traditional arrangement and my long-term poly partner is married (not to me), does that put me at risk of losing custody of my kids? Is claiming a second legal marriage the only way to be prosecuted for polygamy? What are some of the ways to get marriage benefits without being legally married? Find him at polyamory.law or on Twitter at @polyamorylawyer or Facebook at Law Office of Benjamin Shenker. NCSF is a resource if you need help with child custody issues. 31:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Diana Ryan and Kieland McClellan advise on how to get the most out of swinging as a person of color. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Announcements Email PolyLoveStudy@gmail.com if you are 18 or over, live in Canada or the US, are poly with at least one partner, and are willing to participate in a study that requires 12 monthly surveys. 2:30 How to get what you want out of swinging Diana Ryan and Kieland McClellan give advice to a listener who doesn’t feel welcome in most swinging spaces in Wisconsin and who keeps encountering women interested in her man but not in her. See who you vibe with and ignore the rest Ask the host to introduce you to people If there is a Facebook group, chat people up there first and invite them to say hello when they see you at the live events Consider reassessing only playing together—maybe playing separately in the same room? Or consider kink events, where people can be more open-minded Find Diana on her website, 360 Life Skills, on Twitter at @ch1pmunkryan, Facebook at 360 Coaching & Counseling, and Instagram at with_coach_di. Kieland is available on Facebook at Keiland McClanahan or via email at mailto:thelifestyleentertainmentgrp@gmail.com. 27:45 Happy poly moment Jai writes in to share her happy sisterhood poly moment after episode 544. 29:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Brenda Wiebe discusses her new book, Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Announcements Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life is out now! Please support Kitty Chambliss’ Patreon for her new podcast on Love Without Boundaries 3:20 Poly in the News Hidden Brain does a podcast on marriage that mentions consensual nonmonogamy com article on a poly dad Polyamory in Iceland 8:05 Brenda Weibe: Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life Brenda Wiebe currently lives in downtown Salt Lake City with her partner. She completed two back to back masters’ programs, one in sociology and the other in anthropology. She taught courses at the college level for both subjects. She has also given presentations about polyamory to poly/swinger/kink communities and at a conference about polyamory called RelateCon. Currently, her full time job is social work geared toward helping vulnerable adults. Three years ago she began working on Catch and Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life where she uses her skills as a researcher of sociology and anthropology to write a review of different relationship patterns throughout human history; as well as, a summary of some of the leading current research on relationships. Intermingled throughout the science is the story of her journey to polyamory. Her goal is to explain how cultural pressures and religious indoctrination have created the current mainstream monogamous model that is so prevalent in today’s society and offer an alternative. When she’s not writing or working, Brenda enjoys reading fantasy novels, drinking the beer her partner brews, and wandering in the mountains when the weather is nice. Brenda is at nonmonogblog.com and on Twitter as blwiebe69 and Facebook at B.L. Wiebe and Instagram at blwiebe Her book is Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack My Love Life. 31:00 Happy poly moment Nancy in Cleveland writes in to share nine months of Happy Poly Moments around organizing her local poly group 33:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
How to you reassure your new poly partner when you're going to be 8,000 miles away for the next three years? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Announcements Congratulations to Brooklynn Clark on winning an advance copy of Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities We'll be at Southwest Love Festin Tucson, AZ April 7-9 And we'll be at RelateCon in Boise, ID April 27-29 3:15 Listener question: how do I give reassurances in my long-distance relationship? Veronica calls in to ask how to reassure her new poly partner who is now 8,000 miles away. Won’t this become a problem when they start seeing other people over the next three years? Minx says to ask her partner what he needs and to say what you need; LustyGuy says not to borrow trouble for something that isn’t yet an issue. 14:45 Feedback Maria calls in to call Minx out on referring to LustyGuy as “already trained.” 18:00 Happy poly moment Melissa writes in to share a happy poly moment as to how a solo poly partner can help enrich her partner and metamour’s relationship! 20:25 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Erich Viedge interviews Chris Deaton about polyamory and BDSM 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Announcements We'll be at Southwest Love Festin Tucson, AZ April 7-9 And we'll be at RelateCon in Boise, ID April 27-29 2:00 Poly in the news The tabloids are loving poly story packages 6:30 Interview: Chris Deaton on hierarchy and power dynamics in polyamory Our South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews researcher Chris Deaton on hierarchy and power dynamics in polyamory. He is doing a survey on how power exchange in BDSM poly relationships are reflected in poly relationships that might otherwise be egalitarian. 279 Polyamory and BDSM with Raven Kalera 538 Coming out to your kids with Casey Blake 28:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Kevin Patterson discusses his soon-to-be-released new book, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamory 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Announcements Solo Poly Con is in Seattle in April with early bird pricing until January 31 #sopoco18 Take the Relations Decisions Lab survey and click Participants>Open Relationship survey if you are currently monogamous and looking to open up your relationship Lush’s Polyamory bath bomb 5:15 Interview: Kevin Patterson Poly Role Models blog Love’s not color blind: race and representation in poly and other alternative communities New York Times Magazine article Poly Role Models Facebook page with all the book tour events He’ll be at Poly Living Philadelphia, Playground Conference in Toronto, CatalystCon, Poly Dallas Millennium and have stops in Portland, Olympia, Seattle, Vancouver IndieGoGo to get the book early and support the book tour! Enter to win your advance copy of Love’s Not Color Blind! Click on the Love’s Not Color Blind book tour, click the Share button to share it as a public post, and write a post to share it with your friends to enter! Find Kevin on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram 27:25 Feedback A listener calls in response to episode 517 to share a rare but serious danger of HSV 31:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Educator, business owner, and burlesque performer Iris Muscarella discusses the importance of nurturing sisterhood in polyamory 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Interview: Iris Muscarella on sisterhood in polyamory New insights on relationship anarchy Andie Nordren on relationship anarchy what is sisterhood exactly, and what does that look like in polyamory? What advice would you give to women who feel they aren’t good at making female friends? Iris reaches out to her metamours to introduce herself and to show respect for the existing relationship How to set up metamour group time if you’re an introvert How to let people play to their strengths 26:15 Feedback Maria calls in to ask why we don’t use our real names—wouldn’t it be more powerful? Alan recommended a few Christian poly-friendly churches: the Metro Community Church, Unitarian Universalist church, and the Christian New Thought church 32:30 Happy poly moment Ann writes in to say that her young triad is happy 33:30 Thanks! Thanks to Theresa for sending in $100 donation this week! 34:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Highlights from the best episodes of 2017 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Erich Viege presents a Poly Weekly year in review The author of original comic series Wonder Woman William Marston was in a polyamorous triad, and a movie based on his life was released in 2017. Episode 536 Response to Mayim Bialik’s rant on polyamory Ethical Slut 20th anniversary update 43 episodes, 17 listener questions (approximately 1/3); cohosts Lusty Guy, Kevin Patterson, Koe Creation, Erich Viedge Minx and LG published No Dick Pics: How to Opimize Your Online Dating Profile Dan Savage was our biggest celebrity Also Pepper Mint, Kitty Chambliss, Cooper Beckett, Isabelle Broué, Dedeker Winston, Page Turner, and AggieSez And as we strove for inclusion, Poly Dallas Millennium organizer Ruby Bouie Johnson and Chris Smith, a doctoral student, about his paper called Open to Love; Poly and the Black American. Also Ignacio Rivera spoke on consensual sex education and Iris Muscarella on egalitarian solo poly. Then there was the New York Times piece (not) featuring Kevin Patterson And how to love someone who was abused (503) , how to love someone whom you love more than he loves you (506), and how to tell a partner no (514), can poly fix my husband—(no, you have to own your shit (523) 23:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Is it OK to use your veto power if your metamour is a drama queen to the point that your needs aren't being met? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat Lusty Guy cohosts, and we talk over how our polycule handled the holidays this year. Also, Threadfinder writes in to let us know the Baton Rouge Open and Poly (BROP) group is doing well, and they are also hosting Drums in the Swamp. 9:00 My partner is dating a drama queen Kathy has been dating for a year a guy who started dating X four months ago. Kathy didn’t get along with the metamour X and feels her own needs were not being met by her partner when he was with the metamour. Kathy feels that Guy would shower X with support, and Kathy would do the emotional labor of supporting Guy through events/breakups with X. But when Kathy needed Guy’s emotional support when she lost her grandmother, she says that Guy couldn’t, and she felt it was because he was always supporting X. Guy and X break up, Kathy supports Guy. He wants to get back together with X, and Kathy feels awful that she just can’t bring herself to back this plan and exercises her veto power. She asks: So besides sharing my story, I have a question: How do you deal in an ethical way with these situations? How can give my partner the time, space and support he needs while my needs to spend quality time with him and to have a relationship conversation aren't being fulfilled? Lusty Guy recommends limiting your interactions and vulnerability with Guy if you feel that you and your relationship are being negatively affected by X He also recommends considering owning your shit and determining what you have contributed to the situation Minx references the Relationship Bill of Rights and the point that you have the right “to seek balance between what you give to the relationship and what is given back to you.” Also, be specific—maybe Guy has been thinking he’s been giving you “emotional support,” but it doesn’t look like the support you want. Say what “emotional support” looks like to you when you ask for it—being physically present for a hug, arranging to spend an uninterrupted hour of listening, or maybe just a kind text message or two. What exactly does good “emotional support” look like? Ask for it, and acknowledge when he does it! 19:00 Feedback D responds to the question on episode 486 about having a partner newly identify as a heteroromantic grey asexual. 21:00 Happy Poly Moment Scott wrote in to share that he celebrated his 46th birthday by buying himself a ring with his three lovers’ names on it. 21:50 Thank you! Thanks to Heidi for the pi donation and to Nicholas and Eric for joining as PW Playmates! 23:20 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Erich Viedge interviews French poly filmmaker Isa Lutine, a.k.a. Isabelle Broué, about her latest poly film. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat Nurse, counselor and poly educator Kathy Labriola shares her poly holiday survival guide tips in a guest blog post. 2:45 Poly in the news Sudden abundance of black and poly web series and films Polyamory is one of the most popular relationship search terms of 2017 You, me and polyamory: Inside Philadelphia’s growing nonmonogamous community featuring our own Kevin Patterson and Antoinette Crumby’s poly relationship! And their pastor’s response blog post was awesomely compassionate and loving. 11:00 Interview: Erich Viege interviews filmmaker Isa Lutine, a.k.a Isabelle Broué Broué is the director of the 2004 film Tout le plaisir est pour moi — all the pleasure is for me — about a radio journalist who realises one day she’s lost her clitoris. In 2016, She made a feature film about polyamory which won the Best Screenplay AND Best feature at the Vancouver women in Film festival in 2017. Her latest project is called Lutine le Film. You can find it at www.lutinelefilm.com and on Facebook Lutine le Film. Broué herself is on Facebook as Isa Lutine. (“Lutine” is the French word for elf or imp and broadly means something like “polyamorous person.”) If you would like to arrange a screening, you can contact Broué through her website lutinelefilm.com 31:20 Happy Poly Moment Angel shares the best possible outcome of coming out to a human resource person at work! 32:50 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Kitty Chambliss shares her insights on jealousy and the Jealousy Survival Guide 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat We’re on Spotify! 1:50 Poly in the news Polyamory in Sicilon Valley 4:10 Interview: Kitty Chambliss, author of the Jealousy Survival Guide Kitty Chambliss is a #1 Amazon best selling author, relationship coach, polyamorous and sex-positive speaker, activist, and founder of Loving Without Boundaries (LWB). Since 2012 LWB has over 200 blog posts and 70 podcasts to date. Kitty’s work has been featured in Stories From the Polycule, Multiamory, Swingtowns, PostModern Woman, the upcoming book It’s Called Polyamory: Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships, and other publications around the globe. Kitty is a professional dual-certified (CPC and ELI-MP) relationship coach. Lastly Kitty is thrilled to be bringing her first book: Jealousy Survival Guide: How to feel safe, happy, and secure in an open relationship out to the world. Kitty has made it her life’s mission to make thriving relationships – even unconventional ones – attainable to everyone. Find her on her website. 33:40 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Pepper Mint discusses his new book, Playing Fair: Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men Into Women 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat Minx apologizes for not publishing the last two weeks due to work and family obligations, but yay, we have an interview with Pepper this week! 2:00 Interview: Pepper Mint Pepper Mint is an activist, educator, and community organizer in the polyamory and BDSM communities in San Francisco. Over the years, he has been responsible for many fun adventures, including Poly Speed Dating and the OpenSF conference. You can find his writings at freaksexual.com and pepperminty.com, and you can buy his new book Playing Fair: a Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men Into Women on Amazon here or at Thorntree Press here. 24:30 Feedback Nick writes in about how the episode 535 on asexuality was a revelation for him. 28:40 Happy Poly Moment Catharina shares a happy poly moment about being an awesome partner and metamour! 31:30 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews sex educator Casey Blake for tips on how to talk about your poly relationships and your general polyamory with your kids: 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Intro and host chat So excited to bring you another piece out of South Africa. The audio line wasn’t the best, but we hope the great interview shines through! 2:30 Interview: Casey Blake Casey Blake is a South African sex educator who helps parents to break the silent taboo of speaking about our lives in ways that can make a difference for our children. She founded What Now Counselling in 2013 to provide a variety of services to help people cope with the life, when the first words that come to mind are "What Now?" and runs workshops on how to have “the talks” about sex and relationship with kids. South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews Casey Blake to ask about how to come out to his own kids, and she recommends a few things: Don’t insist on being the source of all correct information—be willing to say you don’t know or to ask them what they think. Ask them what do relationships mean to you? If your kid discovers you have a date outside your marriage, ask them what they think about that? What does “date” mean to you? When we are silent about things, it teaches our children that they can’t talk to us. Bring stuff up, even out of the blue—it teaches them that they can also bring up unspoken things or ask questions after a while. It’s OK to teach that sex is nice/pleasurable, and that’s why the door is closed. An easy answer is to ask what do you think. For example, if your kid asks what you do on your date with your girlfriend, ask them, “what do you think?” Don’t let your internalized shame get in the way of communication with your kid. Ask the children for the information they’ve got in a conversational manner: where did you hear that? What do you think? (Listen, breathe and try not to laugh!) Pixelate what needs pixelating. Being ignorant makes your kids susceptible to danger. You can’t talk with your children about something you are ashamed they know you’re doing. You can find her on Facebook at Tools for Having The Talks - with Casey Blake or on Facebook at Body-Positive Parenting - with Casey Blake 24:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
Ignacio Rivera shares their latest work on a variety of topics, including consensual sex education 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:30 Sponsorship: Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents! The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab is looking for survey respondents who are looking to open up their relationships for the first time or who have opened it up before but are looking to open up again. To participate, go to www.relationshipdecisions.org, click on the Participants tab and select Open Relationship Project link. And remember, it’s for science! 2:30 Poly in the news Spike Lee’s new poly, pansexual Netflix series, She’s Gotta Have It Professor Bob reviews Professor Marston and the wonder Women 6:30 Interview: Ignacio Rivera Ignacio Rivera aka Papí Coxxx who prefers the gender-neutral pronoun “they” is a Two-Spirit, Black Boricua Taíno New Yorker currently living in Baltimore. Ignacio has spoken at home and abroad on various topics including but not limited to sexuality, racism, sexism, transgender issues, anti-oppression, anti-violence, sexual liberation and multi-issue organizing. Ignacio’s work has manifested itself through skits, one-person shows, poetry, lectures, workshops and experimental film. Ignacio identifies as an independent polyamorist, kinky, switch and sex worker who is on a sexually liberating life-long path. They are the founder of Poly Patao Productions (P3), The HEAL Project and Re(Nude) Sex(uality) Coaching. They can be seen in Pink and White Productions, “The Wild Search " Morty Diamond’s “Tranny Fags” on a “Trans Entity: The Nasty Love of Papí and Wil” and Cheryl Dunye's "Mommy is Coming." We talk about their consensual sex education projects, their Pure Love talk show with their daughter about what her sex education was like (and the results thereof), and how they came to be poly before the internet. They started Shades of Poly, a nonmonogamous support group for poly people of color. Re(Nude) Sex(uality) Coaching Pure Love talk show with their daughter HEAL project coverage 30:45 Feedback Kim in Liverpool writes in to say how useful the solo poly conversation with Iris Muscarella was helpful. 33:30 Happy Poly Moment J shares a first happy poly moment of finally being comfortable with a metamour. 37:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
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