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He agrees to be her ‘focus group' for demoing toys in the adult toy store. (fetish) By Norweger.  Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. ‘Can I help you?' I glanced aside from the colourful products on display right in front of me, blushing mildly. The shopkeeper had done the rounds, and I, being lost in thought in front of the ‘Toys; male, solo' shelf hadn't noticed her approaching. Well, I could hardly deny I was thinking of buying a Fleshlight, as I held one; well, a securely wrapped one, luckily; in my hands as I met her friendly gaze. ‘I, ah…' Fuck. Going to an adult toy shop shouldn't be embarrassing, should it? My cheeks and earlobes grew pretty pink. ‘Well, I'm just browsing, to be honest, I…'She nodded. 'Those are real good, by the way.' She giggled. ‘Well, good quality. Easy to keep clean. Rugged. For obvious reasons, I haven't taken one for a test drive myself.' I chuckled, feeling my awkwardness recede a bit. That's one way of putting it. ‘For obvious reasons…' I thought before answering ‘Well, I could hardly expect you to have, could I? That being said, shops like this are quite particular, no? Normally, asking the shopkeeper for recommendations and whether she'd used the product herself would be reasonable, but here, I guess it would get me me-too'd right away? How do you actually reply if someone holds up something and asks, well, is this one any good?' I smiled weakly while feeling my cheeks getting rosier again, hoping I hadn't overstepped any bounds. I got a chuckle for my trouble. ‘Well, please try to keep the exciting images out of your mind, but to tell you the truth, we do test quite a lot of the stuff we sell.' She blushed a little, herself. ‘Well, we must buy them, of course, though at a steep discount.' She turned her gaze down as the sentence trailed off, giving me a chance to look her over without being too obvious about it as the images she'd been warning me about started to manifest themselves to my inner eye. I guessed she could be in her early thirties, a few years younger than me. Quite cute, slender, narrow hips, a loose-fitting, turquoise sweater doing its best to hide her ample bosom… I'd already undressed her in my mind, trying to imagine her testing the huge dildos in the glass display cabinet right behind her. Oh no, I hadn't been blushing earlier. Now; NOW I was blushing. She lifted her gaze again and giggled. ‘Let me guess. Exciting images?' I could hardly deny it, and she could hardly take affront, either. I turned my own gaze down, intensely studying my rather rumpled leather boots. There was no way in hell I'd be able to meet her stare while saying it. ‘Oh, guilty as charged.' I made a helpless gesture with my arm towards the toys on display ‘I imagined both this and that, I'll admit.' ‘Well, there's a reason we don't have fitting rooms, you know!' Her giggle turned to a quick laugh which she stifled as quickly. I felt my mood rise just by hearing it; it had a chirping quality, sounded almost like a bird's cry. In improving spirits; and, frankly, quite turned on; this young, cute woman had more or less told me that she test ran a lot of the toys in the store. Now my eyes wandered around the room, desperate not to meet her stare, while every time I saw something titillating I imagined her using it on herself. Not that there was anything extraordinary about a woman in her thirties enjoying herself, but the mere thought, as she was standing two feet away from me… Fuck. I was rock hard. I hoped it wasn't too obvious. Here goes nothing. Had I first said A, I might as well say B, too. I felt a bit braver, thinking we could spin a bit on this, while still keeping it innocent. She looked amused, too. ‘That's kind of unfair, though, isn't it? Any woman walking into this store can get, ah, expert advice, whereas I, as a man, will have to take your word for it ‘Oh, this one is good; I haven't tried it, but it is good, believe me!' She laughed. Loud. ‘I swear to all that's holy, had we ever had a male shop assistant here, he'd be loaded down with all the male solo toys we could muster and be told to test the hell out of them; and take notes while he was at it!' She turned serious. ‘Wouldn't do you much good, though; I'd be most surprised if there's even a single man in town who'd casually ask another if that sex toy of his was any good or not.' I'd have to give her that. Chitchatting about sex did come a lot easier when I did it with a woman. ‘Just that. There's a reason we're all women working here,' she smiled. ‘Women sell better to both men and women than, say, a fifty-something, balding, pudgy male in a soiled T-shirt and sweat pants.' She chuckled. ‘Beg your pardon for letting my prejudices shine through, by the way.' I laughed out loud again, realizing I was getting close to asking her what she did once she'd closed shop; she had, in a few minutes since I'd become aware she even existed, shown herself to be one of those all too rare people who could get me in a good mood simply by being there; and that she could quip about sex and seemingly be at ease was an added bonus. Plus, of course, she was incredibly cute. I caught the warm, brown eyes peering out under her unruly mop of reddish hair, trying to come up with a suitable response before the silence became awkward or she trotted on through the shop, ending our moment. She glanced down at her watch, and my heart sank like a stone; opportunity wasted, I thought; until I heard what she had to say. ‘Look… Now I want you to be real careful; not getting the wrong idea as to what I am suggesting, okay? You are not going to have sex with me, capisce?' Well, she had my full and undivided attention, even if I wouldn't get to sleep with her. I nodded, firmly. No fucking her. OK. ‘I'm about to close shop, now. If you, ahem, would like to test the fleshlight before you buy it, you can do so, okay? But, you're going to have to buy it afterwards, obviously. The lube is on the house.' I gawked at her. Wow. I nodded, numbly. This couldn't be, could it? But I wouldn't want to miss this for the world. I nodded again, vigorously. She smiled a quick smile, then went to the entrance to lock the doors, glancing over her shoulder at me as she did so, throwing me another smile. Returning, she grabbed a bottle of lube from a shelf, and motioned for me to follow her as she walked past. As if I needed any prodding. ‘It'd probably be best to use our office, rather than have you go at it here under the bright lights,' she suggested softly. I just shrugged. I'd follow her anywhere. My cock was rather a simpleton. As we exited a door with a 'staff only' sign at the back of the shop, we entered the kind of storeroom you'll find somewhere in any shop in the world; shelves stocked with all kinds of goods, except… Well, these goods were very much adult toys. Darting past a crate packed to the gunwales with inflatable dolls; inflated!, she giggled ‘Meet last year's Christmas decorations; we couldn't sell them, but neither could we bring ourselves to throw them away…' I shook my head, dumbfounded. She nodded towards a green door near the corner of the storeroom ‘That's where you'll get to find out if the fleshlight is any good…' She opened the door, hinges groaning. ‘I've been meaning to grease those for ages, wonder if I can use this lube?' she mused as we entered a small-ish, run-down office. Lots of papers were covering just about any horizontal surface; a desk with a computer and a phone on it and a small coffee table in front of a battered old sofa tucked into a corner; piles of merchandise along the far wall. Nodding towards the sofa, she suggested I take a seat before seating herself on the office chair by the desk. ‘I hope you don't mind me watching. After all, I have a certain, um, professional interest in seeing how you get along with it, you know.', throwing me another smile; a warm, seemingly genuine one. She didn't appear to be wholly untouched, herself. I fumbled with the packaging. What sadist had invented welded plastic? Probably a good thing when it came to protecting sex toys on display, but when you were about to unwrap it to try it out? Not so much. My audience reached for a pair of scissors and motioned for me to lob her the fleshlight. ‘You get out of your jeans, I'll get this out, OK?' she suggested. I nodded, still not trusting my voice to bear. I hardly needed any more encouragement. I tugged at my belt, seconds later dropping my jeans to the floor, stepping out of them. My briefs were unceremoniously shoved down my thighs, and as I rose again, my almost painfully erect cock pointed arrogantly at the ceiling, the shopkeeper raising her eyebrows a little and giggling softly as she took the sight in while cutting open the packaging separating me from instant bliss. With a satisfied ‘Hah! Finally!' she pulled the fleshlight from its by now shredded plastic cover and reached over to hand it to me. I shamelessly ogled her cleavage before reverting to holding her gaze. ‘As I said, this is good shit. You won't be able to destroy this one during normal use…' She proceeded to explain how important it was to clean it after use, stressing that they had both suitable toy cleaner and disinfectant in the store. ‘Most gentle for the silicone, that stuff; unlike the dish soap most people tend to use…' Her sentence trailed off, apparently she got struck by the same thing I had; that this was an absurd time to discuss maintenance. ‘My apologies, I got a bit carried away. Here.' Accepting the toy, I glanced over at the bottle of lube perched on the edge of her desk. Turning around, she reached the bottle and spun back to present it to me. ‘There you go, put lots in the fleshlight, some around the entrance and a little on your johnson, and you're good to go.' Nodding, I did as she had suggested; an ample spurt of lube into the pale, pink thingy, then a little around the sculpted pussy lips. Bah, in a way it would have been better if they hadn't tried so hard to make it look like the real thing. ‘Seeing as you wanted my observations, I think it would have been better if it was just an opening, not modeled to look like a real pussy; you know, no matter how good this may turn out to be, it can't possibly compare to the real thing…' ‘Doh,' she exclaimed as she rolled her eyes. ‘I should have mentioned that, there's a neutral version, too; and, believe it or not, a few which are supposedly modeled after famous porn stars' pussies, whether you believe it or not. Anyway, they probably all feel the same; just look at something, anything else while you're using it.' I'd be lying if I claimed I thought it would matter much what it looked like once it was wrapped around me. Squirting a wee bit of lube in the palm of my hand, I stroked myself a couple of times, ensuring I got some on the purplish, swollen head, too; unless I slipped in unhindered, I'd be sore afterwards, of that I was certain. Positioning the fleshlight against the glans, I looked over at the shopkeeper. She stared back, eagerly anticipating my next move; not that she'd have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what that would be. Gently pressing the fleshlight towards me, I slid into my first silicone pussy. It was just tight enough to feel natural-ish, I'd hand the designers that; but it felt rather cold and, well, dead. ‘What's it like?' she asked, voice quivering slightly. ‘Oh, not too bad,' I replied ‘Though it does feel a bit cold and. ah, dead, if I may say so at the moment, but that should improve shortly…' Giving it a couple of strokes, I could already feel it begin to warm up. She raised her stare from my fleshlight-wrapped member to meet mine. ‘Fuck me, I really am not doing my job properly, now; I just remembered that the manufacturer recommend that you put it in warm water for a few minutes before use, precisely to avoid that corpse bride-feeling. My apologies.' I nodded. ‘That'd probably do the trick, I'm sure. However…'; I let it slide back and forth a few times, feeling the soft silicone caress my oh-so-erect cock; ‘it does feel really good, don't get me wrong; and it keeps getting warmer by the second!' Having said that, I stroked myself in silence for a few moments, slowly, deliberately; pulling it off me until my cock emerged from it, exposing the swollen, lube-glistening head for my very attentive audience, then shoving myself into it again. Oh yes, it felt better and better. While no one would ever mistake it for the real thing; well, no one who had ever had the good fortune to have the real thing wrapped around oneself, anyway; it definitely felt good, much better than a simple handjob. ‘It keeps getting better,' I grunted. ‘Would work better still if one could take it out of the casing, though; you know, to adjust the pressure, using it as a sleeve over my cock; would feel more alive, then.' She nodded. ‘I'll keep that in mind, in case someone asks. I believe you can take it out for cleaning, by the way; so you could probably, um, go au-naturel on it, if that's your preference.'; before again staring at my cock sliding in and out of the toy, mesmerised. I felt like I was being on display; quite naturally, seeing as that was just what I was; but caught myself enjoying it. My audience was really cute and sexy as hell; well, truth be told, I'd probably find even Margaret Thatcher hot as fuck if she had stared at my masturbating with that sultry look my watcher now sent me; but I digress. I was turned on, way beyond what I would have been had I been doing the deed at home, alone. I coughed softly, then slowing the pace a bit as I caught her stare again. ‘Uh, I know there won't be any actual sex, that's not what I'm fishing for now, but… Would you mind, ah, could I… Well, have a little glimpse of your charms? Some bare skin? Just to help me over the edge?' I must have looked like a pleading puppy, as she burst into laughter, luckily a good-natured one. After first shaking her head, she apparently had second thoughts and nodded. I swallowed. This intensely erotic moment was about to become even hotter. Grabbing the hem of her sweater, she pulled it over her head and revealed a black, low-cut bra and ample cleavage. Lovely, pillowy, full breasts. My pace picked up. ‘Don't you think about touching me, don't even reach for me, OK?' she said, sternly. I nodded, hoping I looked like I'd be true to my word. God knows how reliable one looks when masturbating to the sight of the girl asking you to keep your hands off her. She apparently found my promise good enough, and, after reaching behind her back for a second, the bra fell into her lap and her breasts swung free. I swallowed again, almost in disbelief. They were really beautiful; round, full and pillowy, large, but not so large as to be saggy; they proudly stood form her chest, slightly pear-shaped, milky white and crowned by the largest, weakly drawn areolas I'd ever seen, pale pink, crested with nipples looking as if you'd be able to cut glass with them, so hard were they. She was amazing, and I wasted no time telling her so as my cock hardened further still inside the silicone wrapper I was now doing my best to fuck the daylights out of while keeping my eyes locked on the shopkeeper, occasionally falling to her wonderful breasts, but mostly maintaining eye contact. She leant back in her chair, her breasts gently parting. My turn to be mesmerised. I could already feel the familiar tingling telling me my strokes were numbered and my orgasm forthcoming; I'd be done for shortly. The fleshlight was now at body temperature, and felt much, much more lifelike, albeit still no match for a woman, I grunted through clenched teeth ‘no muscles milking me, no body thrust against mine, no hands feverishly stroking over my back, hugging me close as orgasm approaches; but it does feel pretty… pretty damned good!' Nodding absentmindedly, she stroked a hand over her right breast, cupping it, then pinching her nipple between her thumb and index finger, moaning softly. ‘I'm about to cum,' I grunted, snapping her back to reality. ‘Oh, please do it in that one, huh?', she nodded to an empty mug on the table between us. ‘I want to see you cum.' I nodded, feverishly working my cock with the latest addition to my meagre sex toy collection. ‘Lean forward, please', I snapped ‘I want to see those lovely tits swaying under you…' Laughingly, she obliged, leaning forward, then rocking side to side. ‘Like this, huh?' she teased, smiling warmly at me as the heavy globes swayed back and forth under her. Yes. Just like that. There was no use trying to hold back. Two more strokes, and I could feel my orgasm erupting, a tad before I'd expected it to. And here I was, figuring I had it under control… I jerked the fleshlight off my cock, throwing it on the floor, sending spurt after spurt of cum over the table, grasping for the mug, missing, shooting another spurt halfway across the room towards her; at least it felt like it; before finally grabbing the mug and shooting the last, feeble spurt into it. I felt my earlobes glow with embarrassment as I came in for landing after the massive orgasm, only to see the mess I'd made; cum streaks over invoices, a pack of cigarettes, the table itself, a lighter… My companion laughed, totally losing it in a fit of laughter, her breasts jiggling as she shook ‘You should've seen yourself!!!', she eventually gasped, regaining some control over herself. ‘It was the most absurd sight I've ever seen, so incredibly hot, you in the midst of such an orgasm, frantically trying to grab my old mug…' I joined her, a bit hesitantly at first. It had indeed been comedy hour. I hoped there wasn't a surveillance camera here, for if it did, I'd be bound to find myself on some amateur blooper reel shortly. ‘Never mind, though,' she giggled. ‘I'll get that cleaned up in no time. Without getting her sweater back on, she left the room. Seconds later I heard the tell-tale sound of water pouring from a faucet and paper being torn from a roll. She returned, hand full of tissue paper, and handed me some. ‘Here, clean yourself up; then I'll show you how to clean your latest conquest afterwards.' She leaned in over the table and cleaned up any trace of my little indiscretion. I really had to fight the urge to reach out and touch the lovely form right in front of my eyes; but managed. I'd promised, after all; and I'd had a wonderful experience, I wouldn't want to ruin it by doing anything which might scare or offend her in any way. I leaned back in the sofa while cleaning most of the lube off my semi-erect cock, softly caressing it as I stared hungrily at her, finishing up the table. I followed her to the cupboard next to the office; standing close to her; still dressed like Venus of Milo, only with arms; in the tiny room, I could feel the warmth of her body against mine as she fumbled the fleshlight open, taking out the silicone innards. ‘Just hold it under lukewarm water, first, to get rid of your cum and the lube, then wipe it clean with a little bit of the toy cleaner I'll give you when we're back in the shop and it'll be ready for its next outing.' She glanced up at me, noting my attention was on her, rather than on the most useful instructions she were supplying. ‘Better leave it outside its sheath overnight to allow it to dry properly,' she said. ‘Well, unless you find you prefer to use just the inner sleeve, of course.' Quick smile. With that, she handed the toy back to me. ‘Just head back out in the shop, you. I'll be with you in a minute, just need to get dressed.' I was treated to a smile too cute to be believed, and I was bright enough not to overstay my welcome by asking for just a few more glimpses of her. I threw a last, longing glance at her beautiful, curvy shape, met her gaze; a rather lustful one at that!; and smiled at her. ‘I'll do some window shopping, then, see if I find more playthings catching my fancy.' I then turned and briskly headed back into the shop, again passing the surreal pile of inflatable dolls, one still sporting a santa's cap. She sure took her time getting dressed; I imagined she'd figured she needed a release, too. Hell, yeah - when she appeared in the door from the storeroom, she was still basking in that wonderful post-orgasmic bliss you can spot from a mile away. ‘Getting a bit carried away, are we?' I quipped in a mock stern tone. ‘How professional is it really to masturbate in the rear while there's customers waiting in the shop, huh?' She smiled sheepishly. ‘Busted. Fuck, I was so horny while you did your thing I almost leapt at you!' I laughed. ‘Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself, too; and with any luck you now know a bit more about, ah; your inventory?' She giggles. ‘Sure do, I can't wait until the next time some sod comes by, cheekily suggesting I can't possibly know how this one feels…' She worked the till. ‘I'm giving you this at a discount,' she laughed. ‘It is the first time I've ever sold a used toy. The lube and cleaner is on the house, promise me you'll take good care of your new friend!' I promised, and took my chances embracing her briefly. ‘Mind if I come back for some more shopping sometime?' I asked, voice thick with lust. She looked at me, quizzically, then shrugged. ‘Well, I happen to have another couple of toys which I could use some user feedback on…' she suggested with a smile. ‘I'll be back in a couple of weeks,' I said by way of goodbye. Heading for the doors, I realised I'd be pounding the fleshlight again seconds after returning home. I was already hard again… By Norweger for Literotica

He agrees to be her ‘focus group' for demoing toys in the adult toy store. (fetish) By Norweger.  Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. ‘Can I help you?' I glanced aside from the colourful products on display right in front of me, blushing mildly. The shopkeeper had done the rounds, and I, being lost in thought in front of the ‘Toys; male, solo' shelf hadn't noticed her approaching. Well, I could hardly deny I was thinking of buying a Fleshlight, as I held one; well, a securely wrapped one, luckily; in my hands as I met her friendly gaze. ‘I, ah…' Fuck. Going to an adult toy shop shouldn't be embarrassing, should it? My cheeks and earlobes grew pretty pink. ‘Well, I'm just browsing, to be honest, I…'She nodded. 'Those are real good, by the way.' She giggled. ‘Well, good quality. Easy to keep clean. Rugged. For obvious reasons, I haven't taken one for a test drive myself.' I chuckled, feeling my awkwardness recede a bit. That's one way of putting it. ‘For obvious reasons…' I thought before answering ‘Well, I could hardly expect you to have, could I? That being said, shops like this are quite particular, no? Normally, asking the shopkeeper for recommendations and whether she'd used the product herself would be reasonable, but here, I guess it would get me me-too'd right away? How do you actually reply if someone holds up something and asks, well, is this one any good?' I smiled weakly while feeling my cheeks getting rosier again, hoping I hadn't overstepped any bounds. I got a chuckle for my trouble. ‘Well, please try to keep the exciting images out of your mind, but to tell you the truth, we do test quite a lot of the stuff we sell.' She blushed a little, herself. ‘Well, we must buy them, of course, though at a steep discount.' She turned her gaze down as the sentence trailed off, giving me a chance to look her over without being too obvious about it as the images she'd been warning me about started to manifest themselves to my inner eye. I guessed she could be in her early thirties, a few years younger than me. Quite cute, slender, narrow hips, a loose-fitting, turquoise sweater doing its best to hide her ample bosom… I'd already undressed her in my mind, trying to imagine her testing the huge dildos in the glass display cabinet right behind her. Oh no, I hadn't been blushing earlier. Now; NOW I was blushing. She lifted her gaze again and giggled. ‘Let me guess. Exciting images?' I could hardly deny it, and she could hardly take affront, either. I turned my own gaze down, intensely studying my rather rumpled leather boots. There was no way in hell I'd be able to meet her stare while saying it. ‘Oh, guilty as charged.' I made a helpless gesture with my arm towards the toys on display ‘I imagined both this and that, I'll admit.' ‘Well, there's a reason we don't have fitting rooms, you know!' Her giggle turned to a quick laugh which she stifled as quickly. I felt my mood rise just by hearing it; it had a chirping quality, sounded almost like a bird's cry. In improving spirits; and, frankly, quite turned on; this young, cute woman had more or less told me that she test ran a lot of the toys in the store. Now my eyes wandered around the room, desperate not to meet her stare, while every time I saw something titillating I imagined her using it on herself. Not that there was anything extraordinary about a woman in her thirties enjoying herself, but the mere thought, as she was standing two feet away from me… Fuck. I was rock hard. I hoped it wasn't too obvious. Here goes nothing. Had I first said A, I might as well say B, too. I felt a bit braver, thinking we could spin a bit on this, while still keeping it innocent. She looked amused, too. ‘That's kind of unfair, though, isn't it? Any woman walking into this store can get, ah, expert advice, whereas I, as a man, will have to take your word for it ‘Oh, this one is good; I haven't tried it, but it is good, believe me!' She laughed. Loud. ‘I swear to all that's holy, had we ever had a male shop assistant here, he'd be loaded down with all the male solo toys we could muster and be told to test the hell out of them; and take notes while he was at it!' She turned serious. ‘Wouldn't do you much good, though; I'd be most surprised if there's even a single man in town who'd casually ask another if that sex toy of his was any good or not.' I'd have to give her that. Chitchatting about sex did come a lot easier when I did it with a woman. ‘Just that. There's a reason we're all women working here,' she smiled. ‘Women sell better to both men and women than, say, a fifty-something, balding, pudgy male in a soiled T-shirt and sweat pants.' She chuckled. ‘Beg your pardon for letting my prejudices shine through, by the way.' I laughed out loud again, realizing I was getting close to asking her what she did once she'd closed shop; she had, in a few minutes since I'd become aware she even existed, shown herself to be one of those all too rare people who could get me in a good mood simply by being there; and that she could quip about sex and seemingly be at ease was an added bonus. Plus, of course, she was incredibly cute. I caught the warm, brown eyes peering out under her unruly mop of reddish hair, trying to come up with a suitable response before the silence became awkward or she trotted on through the shop, ending our moment. She glanced down at her watch, and my heart sank like a stone; opportunity wasted, I thought; until I heard what she had to say. ‘Look… Now I want you to be real careful; not getting the wrong idea as to what I am suggesting, okay? You are not going to have sex with me, capisce?' Well, she had my full and undivided attention, even if I wouldn't get to sleep with her. I nodded, firmly. No fucking her. OK. ‘I'm about to close shop, now. If you, ahem, would like to test the fleshlight before you buy it, you can do so, okay? But, you're going to have to buy it afterwards, obviously. The lube is on the house.' I gawked at her. Wow. I nodded, numbly. This couldn't be, could it? But I wouldn't want to miss this for the world. I nodded again, vigorously. She smiled a quick smile, then went to the entrance to lock the doors, glancing over her shoulder at me as she did so, throwing me another smile. Returning, she grabbed a bottle of lube from a shelf, and motioned for me to follow her as she walked past. As if I needed any prodding. ‘It'd probably be best to use our office, rather than have you go at it here under the bright lights,' she suggested softly. I just shrugged. I'd follow her anywhere. My cock was rather a simpleton. As we exited a door with a 'staff only' sign at the back of the shop, we entered the kind of storeroom you'll find somewhere in any shop in the world; shelves stocked with all kinds of goods, except… Well, these goods were very much adult toys. Darting past a crate packed to the gunwales with inflatable dolls; inflated!, she giggled ‘Meet last year's Christmas decorations; we couldn't sell them, but neither could we bring ourselves to throw them away…' I shook my head, dumbfounded. She nodded towards a green door near the corner of the storeroom ‘That's where you'll get to find out if the fleshlight is any good…' She opened the door, hinges groaning. ‘I've been meaning to grease those for ages, wonder if I can use this lube?' she mused as we entered a small-ish, run-down office. Lots of papers were covering just about any horizontal surface; a desk with a computer and a phone on it and a small coffee table in front of a battered old sofa tucked into a corner; piles of merchandise along the far wall. Nodding towards the sofa, she suggested I take a seat before seating herself on the office chair by the desk. ‘I hope you don't mind me watching. After all, I have a certain, um, professional interest in seeing how you get along with it, you know.', throwing me another smile; a warm, seemingly genuine one. She didn't appear to be wholly untouched, herself. I fumbled with the packaging. What sadist had invented welded plastic? Probably a good thing when it came to protecting sex toys on display, but when you were about to unwrap it to try it out? Not so much. My audience reached for a pair of scissors and motioned for me to lob her the fleshlight. ‘You get out of your jeans, I'll get this out, OK?' she suggested. I nodded, still not trusting my voice to bear. I hardly needed any more encouragement. I tugged at my belt, seconds later dropping my jeans to the floor, stepping out of them. My briefs were unceremoniously shoved down my thighs, and as I rose again, my almost painfully erect cock pointed arrogantly at the ceiling, the shopkeeper raising her eyebrows a little and giggling softly as she took the sight in while cutting open the packaging separating me from instant bliss. With a satisfied ‘Hah! Finally!' she pulled the fleshlight from its by now shredded plastic cover and reached over to hand it to me. I shamelessly ogled her cleavage before reverting to holding her gaze. ‘As I said, this is good shit. You won't be able to destroy this one during normal use…' She proceeded to explain how important it was to clean it after use, stressing that they had both suitable toy cleaner and disinfectant in the store. ‘Most gentle for the silicone, that stuff; unlike the dish soap most people tend to use…' Her sentence trailed off, apparently she got struck by the same thing I had; that this was an absurd time to discuss maintenance. ‘My apologies, I got a bit carried away. Here.' Accepting the toy, I glanced over at the bottle of lube perched on the edge of her desk. Turning around, she reached the bottle and spun back to present it to me. ‘There you go, put lots in the fleshlight, some around the entrance and a little on your johnson, and you're good to go.' Nodding, I did as she had suggested; an ample spurt of lube into the pale, pink thingy, then a little around the sculpted pussy lips. Bah, in a way it would have been better if they hadn't tried so hard to make it look like the real thing. ‘Seeing as you wanted my observations, I think it would have been better if it was just an opening, not modeled to look like a real pussy; you know, no matter how good this may turn out to be, it can't possibly compare to the real thing…' ‘Doh,' she exclaimed as she rolled her eyes. ‘I should have mentioned that, there's a neutral version, too; and, believe it or not, a few which are supposedly modeled after famous porn stars' pussies, whether you believe it or not. Anyway, they probably all feel the same; just look at something, anything else while you're using it.' I'd be lying if I claimed I thought it would matter much what it looked like once it was wrapped around me. Squirting a wee bit of lube in the palm of my hand, I stroked myself a couple of times, ensuring I got some on the purplish, swollen head, too; unless I slipped in unhindered, I'd be sore afterwards, of that I was certain. Positioning the fleshlight against the glans, I looked over at the shopkeeper. She stared back, eagerly anticipating my next move; not that she'd have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what that would be. Gently pressing the fleshlight towards me, I slid into my first silicone pussy. It was just tight enough to feel natural-ish, I'd hand the designers that; but it felt rather cold and, well, dead. ‘What's it like?' she asked, voice quivering slightly. ‘Oh, not too bad,' I replied ‘Though it does feel a bit cold and. ah, dead, if I may say so at the moment, but that should improve shortly…' Giving it a couple of strokes, I could already feel it begin to warm up. She raised her stare from my fleshlight-wrapped member to meet mine. ‘Fuck me, I really am not doing my job properly, now; I just remembered that the manufacturer recommend that you put it in warm water for a few minutes before use, precisely to avoid that corpse bride-feeling. My apologies.' I nodded. ‘That'd probably do the trick, I'm sure. However…'; I let it slide back and forth a few times, feeling the soft silicone caress my oh-so-erect cock; ‘it does feel really good, don't get me wrong; and it keeps getting warmer by the second!' Having said that, I stroked myself in silence for a few moments, slowly, deliberately; pulling it off me until my cock emerged from it, exposing the swollen, lube-glistening head for my very attentive audience, then shoving myself into it again. Oh yes, it felt better and better. While no one would ever mistake it for the real thing; well, no one who had ever had the good fortune to have the real thing wrapped around oneself, anyway; it definitely felt good, much better than a simple handjob. ‘It keeps getting better,' I grunted. ‘Would work better still if one could take it out of the casing, though; you know, to adjust the pressure, using it as a sleeve over my cock; would feel more alive, then.' She nodded. ‘I'll keep that in mind, in case someone asks. I believe you can take it out for cleaning, by the way; so you could probably, um, go au-naturel on it, if that's your preference.'; before again staring at my cock sliding in and out of the toy, mesmerised. I felt like I was being on display; quite naturally, seeing as that was just what I was; but caught myself enjoying it. My audience was really cute and sexy as hell; well, truth be told, I'd probably find even Margaret Thatcher hot as fuck if she had stared at my masturbating with that sultry look my watcher now sent me; but I digress. I was turned on, way beyond what I would have been had I been doing the deed at home, alone. I coughed softly, then slowing the pace a bit as I caught her stare again. ‘Uh, I know there won't be any actual sex, that's not what I'm fishing for now, but… Would you mind, ah, could I… Well, have a little glimpse of your charms? Some bare skin? Just to help me over the edge?' I must have looked like a pleading puppy, as she burst into laughter, luckily a good-natured one. After first shaking her head, she apparently had second thoughts and nodded. I swallowed. This intensely erotic moment was about to become even hotter. Grabbing the hem of her sweater, she pulled it over her head and revealed a black, low-cut bra and ample cleavage. Lovely, pillowy, full breasts. My pace picked up. ‘Don't you think about touching me, don't even reach for me, OK?' she said, sternly. I nodded, hoping I looked like I'd be true to my word. God knows how reliable one looks when masturbating to the sight of the girl asking you to keep your hands off her. She apparently found my promise good enough, and, after reaching behind her back for a second, the bra fell into her lap and her breasts swung free. I swallowed again, almost in disbelief. They were really beautiful; round, full and pillowy, large, but not so large as to be saggy; they proudly stood form her chest, slightly pear-shaped, milky white and crowned by the largest, weakly drawn areolas I'd ever seen, pale pink, crested with nipples looking as if you'd be able to cut glass with them, so hard were they. She was amazing, and I wasted no time telling her so as my cock hardened further still inside the silicone wrapper I was now doing my best to fuck the daylights out of while keeping my eyes locked on the shopkeeper, occasionally falling to her wonderful breasts, but mostly maintaining eye contact. She leant back in her chair, her breasts gently parting. My turn to be mesmerised. I could already feel the familiar tingling telling me my strokes were numbered and my orgasm forthcoming; I'd be done for shortly. The fleshlight was now at body temperature, and felt much, much more lifelike, albeit still no match for a woman, I grunted through clenched teeth ‘no muscles milking me, no body thrust against mine, no hands feverishly stroking over my back, hugging me close as orgasm approaches; but it does feel pretty… pretty damned good!' Nodding absentmindedly, she stroked a hand over her right breast, cupping it, then pinching her nipple between her thumb and index finger, moaning softly. ‘I'm about to cum,' I grunted, snapping her back to reality. ‘Oh, please do it in that one, huh?', she nodded to an empty mug on the table between us. ‘I want to see you cum.' I nodded, feverishly working my cock with the latest addition to my meagre sex toy collection. ‘Lean forward, please', I snapped ‘I want to see those lovely tits swaying under you…' Laughingly, she obliged, leaning forward, then rocking side to side. ‘Like this, huh?' she teased, smiling warmly at me as the heavy globes swayed back and forth under her. Yes. Just like that. There was no use trying to hold back. Two more strokes, and I could feel my orgasm erupting, a tad before I'd expected it to. And here I was, figuring I had it under control… I jerked the fleshlight off my cock, throwing it on the floor, sending spurt after spurt of cum over the table, grasping for the mug, missing, shooting another spurt halfway across the room towards her; at least it felt like it; before finally grabbing the mug and shooting the last, feeble spurt into it. I felt my earlobes glow with embarrassment as I came in for landing after the massive orgasm, only to see the mess I'd made; cum streaks over invoices, a pack of cigarettes, the table itself, a lighter… My companion laughed, totally losing it in a fit of laughter, her breasts jiggling as she shook ‘You should've seen yourself!!!', she eventually gasped, regaining some control over herself. ‘It was the most absurd sight I've ever seen, so incredibly hot, you in the midst of such an orgasm, frantically trying to grab my old mug…' I joined her, a bit hesitantly at first. It had indeed been comedy hour. I hoped there wasn't a surveillance camera here, for if it did, I'd be bound to find myself on some amateur blooper reel shortly. ‘Never mind, though,' she giggled. ‘I'll get that cleaned up in no time. Without getting her sweater back on, she left the room. Seconds later I heard the tell-tale sound of water pouring from a faucet and paper being torn from a roll. She returned, hand full of tissue paper, and handed me some. ‘Here, clean yourself up; then I'll show you how to clean your latest conquest afterwards.' She leaned in over the table and cleaned up any trace of my little indiscretion. I really had to fight the urge to reach out and touch the lovely form right in front of my eyes; but managed. I'd promised, after all; and I'd had a wonderful experience, I wouldn't want to ruin it by doing anything which might scare or offend her in any way. I leaned back in the sofa while cleaning most of the lube off my semi-erect cock, softly caressing it as I stared hungrily at her, finishing up the table. I followed her to the cupboard next to the office; standing close to her; still dressed like Venus of Milo, only with arms; in the tiny room, I could feel the warmth of her body against mine as she fumbled the fleshlight open, taking out the silicone innards. ‘Just hold it under lukewarm water, first, to get rid of your cum and the lube, then wipe it clean with a little bit of the toy cleaner I'll give you when we're back in the shop and it'll be ready for its next outing.' She glanced up at me, noting my attention was on her, rather than on the most useful instructions she were supplying. ‘Better leave it outside its sheath overnight to allow it to dry properly,' she said. ‘Well, unless you find you prefer to use just the inner sleeve, of course.' Quick smile. With that, she handed the toy back to me. ‘Just head back out in the shop, you. I'll be with you in a minute, just need to get dressed.' I was treated to a smile too cute to be believed, and I was bright enough not to overstay my welcome by asking for just a few more glimpses of her. I threw a last, longing glance at her beautiful, curvy shape, met her gaze; a rather lustful one at that!; and smiled at her. ‘I'll do some window shopping, then, see if I find more playthings catching my fancy.' I then turned and briskly headed back into the shop, again passing the surreal pile of inflatable dolls, one still sporting a santa's cap. She sure took her time getting dressed; I imagined she'd figured she needed a release, too. Hell, yeah - when she appeared in the door from the storeroom, she was still basking in that wonderful post-orgasmic bliss you can spot from a mile away. ‘Getting a bit carried away, are we?' I quipped in a mock stern tone. ‘How professional is it really to masturbate in the rear while there's customers waiting in the shop, huh?' She smiled sheepishly. ‘Busted. Fuck, I was so horny while you did your thing I almost leapt at you!' I laughed. ‘Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself, too; and with any luck you now know a bit more about, ah; your inventory?' She giggles. ‘Sure do, I can't wait until the next time some sod comes by, cheekily suggesting I can't possibly know how this one feels…' She worked the till. ‘I'm giving you this at a discount,' she laughed. ‘It is the first time I've ever sold a used toy. The lube and cleaner is on the house, promise me you'll take good care of your new friend!' I promised, and took my chances embracing her briefly. ‘Mind if I come back for some more shopping sometime?' I asked, voice thick with lust. She looked at me, quizzically, then shrugged. ‘Well, I happen to have another couple of toys which I could use some user feedback on…' she suggested with a smile. ‘I'll be back in a couple of weeks,' I said by way of goodbye. Heading for the doors, I realised I'd be pounding the fleshlight again seconds after returning home. I was already hard again… By Norweger for Literotica

schoolingstrugglepodcast@gmail.comChris Crawford joins Pete for a discussion on how tunnel vision toward "important" goals in his life has led to unexpected hardship and dependency. Chris talks about how being over-the-top goal oriented has its benefits yet stirs up some unpredictable repercussions down the road. His honesty and willingness to share on this episode is super authentic.

2025 NFL rankings are coming out and Mahomes was realllyyyy low on a couple of them. Plus, how the hell is Jaxson Dart going to get drafted this high?!

Todd McShay says some scouts have Jaxson Dart as their QB2. Do you care and will watch the Pro Bowl? What would you name the Utah Hockey Club?

Hour 3 with Joe Starkey and Donny Football: Donny Football: Montreal gave Marc-Andre Fleury a standing ovation after shutting out the Canadians with the Wild on Thursday. Donny's theory is that Art Rooney II and Mike Tomlin will walk away together after the 2027 season! Audacy betting insider Nick Kostos joined the show. He thinks the Chiefs will win the Super Bowl a close game. The Bechtold Breakdown.

He agrees to be her ‘focus group' for demoing toys in the adult toy store. (fetish) By Norweger.  Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. ‘Can I help you?' I glanced aside from the colourful products on display right in front of me, blushing mildly. The shopkeeper had done the rounds, and I, being lost in thought in front of the ‘Toys; male, solo' shelf hadn't noticed her approaching. Well, I could hardly deny I was thinking of buying a Fleshlight, as I held one; well, a securely wrapped one, luckily; in my hands as I met her friendly gaze. ‘I, ah…' Fuck. Going to an adult toy shop shouldn't be embarrassing, should it? My cheeks and earlobes grew pretty pink. ‘Well, I'm just browsing, to be honest, I…' [[MORE]] She nodded. 'Those are real good, by the way.' She giggled. ‘Well, good quality. Easy to keep clean. Rugged. For obvious reasons, I haven't taken one for a test drive myself.' I chuckled, feeling my awkwardness recede a bit. That's one way of putting it. ‘For obvious reasons…' I thought before answering ‘Well, I could hardly expect you to have, could I? That being said, shops like this are quite particular, no? Normally, asking the shopkeeper for recommendations and whether she'd used the product herself would be reasonable, but here, I guess it would get me me-too'd right away? How do you actually reply if someone holds up something and asks, well, is this one any good?' I smiled weakly while feeling my cheeks getting rosier again, hoping I hadn't overstepped any bounds. I got a chuckle for my trouble. ‘Well, please try to keep the exciting images out of your mind, but to tell you the truth, we do test quite a lot of the stuff we sell.' She blushed a little, herself. ‘Well, we must buy them, of course, though at a steep discount.' She turned her gaze down as the sentence trailed off, giving me a chance to look her over without being too obvious about it as the images she'd been warning me about started to manifest themselves to my inner eye. I guessed she could be in her early thirties, a few years younger than me. Quite cute, slender, narrow hips, a loose-fitting, turquoise sweater doing its best to hide her ample bosom… I'd already undressed her in my mind, trying to imagine her testing the huge dildos in the glass display cabinet right behind her. Oh no, I hadn't been blushing earlier. Now; NOW I was blushing. She lifted her gaze again and giggled. ‘Let me guess. Exciting images?' I could hardly deny it, and she could hardly take affront, either. I turned my own gaze down, intensely studying my rather rumpled leather boots. There was no way in hell I'd be able to meet her stare while saying it. ‘Oh, guilty as charged.' I made a helpless gesture with my arm towards the toys on display ‘I imagined both this and that, I'll admit.' ‘Well, there's a reason we don't have fitting rooms, you know!' Her giggle turned to a quick laugh which she stifled as quickly. I felt my mood rise just by hearing it; it had a chirping quality, sounded almost like a bird's cry. In improving spirits; and, frankly, quite turned on; this young, cute woman had more or less told me that she test ran a lot of the toys in the store. Now my eyes wandered around the room, desperate not to meet her stare, while every time I saw something titillating I imagined her using it on herself. Not that there was anything extraordinary about a woman in her thirties enjoying herself, but the mere thought, as she was standing two feet away from me… Fuck. I was rock hard. I hoped it wasn't too obvious. Here goes nothing. Had I first said A, I might as well say B, too. I felt a bit braver, thinking we could spin a bit on this, while still keeping it innocent. She looked amused, too. ‘That's kind of unfair, though, isn't it? Any woman walking into this store can get, ah, expert advice, whereas I, as a man, will have to take your word for it ‘Oh, this one is good; I haven't tried it, but it is good, believe me!' She laughed. Loud. ‘I swear to all that's holy, had we ever had a male shop assistant here, he'd be loaded down with all the male solo toys we could muster and be told to test the hell out of them; and take notes while he was at it!' She turned serious. ‘Wouldn't do you much good, though; I'd be most surprised if there's even a single man in town who'd casually ask another if that sex toy of his was any good or not.' I'd have to give her that. Chitchatting about sex did come a lot easier when I did it with a woman. ‘Just that. There's a reason we're all women working here,' she smiled. ‘Women sell better to both men and women than, say, a fifty-something, balding, pudgy male in a soiled T-shirt and sweat pants.' She chuckled. ‘Beg your pardon for letting my prejudices shine through, by the way.' I laughed out loud again, realizing I was getting close to asking her what she did once she'd closed shop; she had, in a few minutes since I'd become aware she even existed, shown herself to be one of those all too rare people who could get me in a good mood simply by being there; and that she could quip about sex and seemingly be at ease was an added bonus. Plus, of course, she was incredibly cute. I caught the warm, brown eyes peering out under her unruly mop of reddish hair, trying to come up with a suitable response before the silence became awkward or she trotted on through the shop, ending our moment. She glanced down at her watch, and my heart sank like a stone; opportunity wasted, I thought; until I heard what she had to say. ‘Look… Now I want you to be real careful; not getting the wrong idea as to what I am suggesting, okay? You are not going to have sex with me, capisce?' Well, she had my full and undivided attention, even if I wouldn't get to sleep with her. I nodded, firmly. No fucking her. OK. ‘I'm about to close shop, now. If you, ahem, would like to test the fleshlight before you buy it, you can do so, okay? But, you're going to have to buy it afterwards, obviously. The lube is on the house.' I gawked at her. Wow. I nodded, numbly. This couldn't be, could it? But I wouldn't want to miss this for the world. I nodded again, vigorously. She smiled a quick smile, then went to the entrance to lock the doors, glancing over her shoulder at me as she did so, throwing me another smile. Returning, she grabbed a bottle of lube from a shelf, and motioned for me to follow her as she walked past. As if I needed any prodding. ‘It'd probably be best to use our office, rather than have you go at it here under the bright lights,' she suggested softly. I just shrugged. I'd follow her anywhere. My cock was rather a simpleton. As we exited a door with a 'staff only' sign at the back of the shop, we entered the kind of storeroom you'll find somewhere in any shop in the world; shelves stocked with all kinds of goods, except… Well, these goods were very much adult toys. Darting past a crate packed to the gunwales with inflatable dolls; inflated!, she giggled ‘Meet last year's Christmas decorations; we couldn't sell them, but neither could we bring ourselves to throw them away…' I shook my head, dumbfounded. She nodded towards a green door near the corner of the storeroom ‘That's where you'll get to find out if the fleshlight is any good…' She opened the door, hinges groaning. ‘I've been meaning to grease those for ages, wonder if I can use this lube?' she mused as we entered a small-ish, run-down office. Lots of papers were covering just about any horizontal surface; a desk with a computer and a phone on it and a small coffee table in front of a battered old sofa tucked into a corner; piles of merchandise along the far wall. Nodding towards the sofa, she suggested I take a seat before seating herself on the office chair by the desk. ‘I hope you don't mind me watching. After all, I have a certain, um, professional interest in seeing how you get along with it, you know.', throwing me another smile; a warm, seemingly genuine one. She didn't appear to be wholly untouched, herself. I fumbled with the packaging. What sadist had invented welded plastic? Probably a good thing when it came to protecting sex toys on display, but when you were about to unwrap it to try it out? Not so much. My audience reached for a pair of scissors and motioned for me to lob her the fleshlight. ‘You get out of your jeans, I'll get this out, OK?' she suggested. I nodded, still not trusting my voice to bear. I hardly needed any more encouragement. I tugged at my belt, seconds later dropping my jeans to the floor, stepping out of them. My briefs were unceremoniously shoved down my thighs, and as I rose again, my almost painfully erect cock pointed arrogantly at the ceiling, the shopkeeper raising her eyebrows a little and giggling softly as she took the sight in while cutting open the packaging separating me from instant bliss. With a satisfied ‘Hah! Finally!' she pulled the fleshlight from its by now shredded plastic cover and reached over to hand it to me. I shamelessly ogled her cleavage before reverting to holding her gaze. ‘As I said, this is good shit. You won't be able to destroy this one during normal use…' She proceeded to explain how important it was to clean it after use, stressing that they had both suitable toy cleaner and disinfectant in the store. ‘Most gentle for the silicone, that stuff; unlike the dish soap most people tend to use…' Her sentence trailed off, apparently she got struck by the same thing I had; that this was an absurd time to discuss maintenance. ‘My apologies, I got a bit carried away. Here.' Accepting the toy, I glanced over at the bottle of lube perched on the edge of her desk. Turning around, she reached the bottle and spun back to present it to me. ‘There you go, put lots in the fleshlight, some around the entrance and a little on your johnson, and you're good to go.' Nodding, I did as she had suggested; an ample spurt of lube into the pale, pink thingy, then a little around the sculpted pussy lips. Bah, in a way it would have been better if they hadn't tried so hard to make it look like the real thing. ‘Seeing as you wanted my observations, I think it would have been better if it was just an opening, not modeled to look like a real pussy; you know, no matter how good this may turn out to be, it can't possibly compare to the real thing…' ‘Doh,' she exclaimed as she rolled her eyes. ‘I should have mentioned that, there's a neutral version, too; and, believe it or not, a few which are supposedly modeled after famous porn stars' pussies, whether you believe it or not. Anyway, they probably all feel the same; just look at something, anything else while you're using it.' I'd be lying if I claimed I thought it would matter much what it looked like once it was wrapped around me. Squirting a wee bit of lube in the palm of my hand, I stroked myself a couple of times, ensuring I got some on the purplish, swollen head, too; unless I slipped in unhindered, I'd be sore afterwards, of that I was certain. Positioning the fleshlight against the glans, I looked over at the shopkeeper. She stared back, eagerly anticipating my next move; not that she'd have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what that would be. Gently pressing the fleshlight towards me, I slid into my first silicone pussy. It was just tight enough to feel natural-ish, I'd hand the designers that; but it felt rather cold and, well, dead. ‘What's it like?' she asked, voice quivering slightly. ‘Oh, not too bad,' I replied ‘Though it does feel a bit cold and. ah, dead, if I may say so at the moment, but that should improve shortly…' Giving it a couple of strokes, I could already feel it begin to warm up. She raised her stare from my fleshlight-wrapped member to meet mine. ‘Fuck me, I really am not doing my job properly, now; I just remembered that the manufacturer recommend that you put it in warm water for a few minutes before use, precisely to avoid that corpse bride-feeling. My apologies.' I nodded. ‘That'd probably do the trick, I'm sure. However…'; I let it slide back and forth a few times, feeling the soft silicone caress my oh-so-erect cock; ‘it does feel really good, don't get me wrong; and it keeps getting warmer by the second!' Having said that, I stroked myself in silence for a few moments, slowly, deliberately; pulling it off me until my cock emerged from it, exposing the swollen, lube-glistening head for my very attentive audience, then shoving myself into it again. Oh yes, it felt better and better. While no one would ever mistake it for the real thing; well, no one who had ever had the good fortune to have the real thing wrapped around oneself, anyway; it definitely felt good, much better than a simple handjob. ‘It keeps getting better,' I grunted. ‘Would work better still if one could take it out of the casing, though; you know, to adjust the pressure, using it as a sleeve over my cock; would feel more alive, then.' She nodded. ‘I'll keep that in mind, in case someone asks. I believe you can take it out for cleaning, by the way; so you could probably, um, go au-naturel on it, if that's your preference.'; before again staring at my cock sliding in and out of the toy, mesmerised. I felt like I was being on display; quite naturally, seeing as that was just what I was; but caught myself enjoying it. My audience was really cute and sexy as hell; well, truth be told, I'd probably find even Margaret Thatcher hot as fuck if she had stared at my masturbating with that sultry look my watcher now sent me; but I digress. I was turned on, way beyond what I would have been had I been doing the deed at home, alone. I coughed softly, then slowing the pace a bit as I caught her stare again. ‘Uh, I know there won't be any actual sex, that's not what I'm fishing for now, but… Would you mind, ah, could I… Well, have a little glimpse of your charms? Some bare skin? Just to help me over the edge?' I must have looked like a pleading puppy, as she burst into laughter, luckily a good-natured one. After first shaking her head, she apparently had second thoughts and nodded. I swallowed. This intensely erotic moment was about to become even hotter. Grabbing the hem of her sweater, she pulled it over her head and revealed a black, low-cut bra and ample cleavage. Lovely, pillowy, full breasts. My pace picked up. ‘Don't you think about touching me, don't even reach for me, OK?' she said, sternly. I nodded, hoping I looked like I'd be true to my word. God knows how reliable one looks when masturbating to the sight of the girl asking you to keep your hands off her. She apparently found my promise good enough, and, after reaching behind her back for a second, the bra fell into her lap and her breasts swung free. I swallowed again, almost in disbelief. They were really beautiful; round, full and pillowy, large, but not so large as to be saggy; they proudly stood form her chest, slightly pear-shaped, milky white and crowned by the largest, weakly drawn areolas I'd ever seen, pale pink, crested with nipples looking as if you'd be able to cut glass with them, so hard were they. She was amazing, and I wasted no time telling her so as my cock hardened further still inside the silicone wrapper I was now doing my best to fuck the daylights out of while keeping my eyes locked on the shopkeeper, occasionally falling to her wonderful breasts, but mostly maintaining eye contact. She leant back in her chair, her breasts gently parting. My turn to be mesmerised. I could already feel the familiar tingling telling me my strokes were numbered and my orgasm forthcoming; I'd be done for shortly. The fleshlight was now at body temperature, and felt much, much more lifelike, albeit still no match for a woman, I grunted through clenched teeth ‘no muscles milking me, no body thrust against mine, no hands feverishly stroking over my back, hugging me close as orgasm approaches; but it does feel pretty… pretty damned good!' Nodding absentmindedly, she stroked a hand over her right breast, cupping it, then pinching her nipple between her thumb and index finger, moaning softly. ‘I'm about to cum,' I grunted, snapping her back to reality. ‘Oh, please do it in that one, huh?', she nodded to an empty mug on the table between us. ‘I want to see you cum.' I nodded, feverishly working my cock with the latest addition to my meagre sex toy collection. ‘Lean forward, please', I snapped ‘I want to see those lovely tits swaying under you…' Laughingly, she obliged, leaning forward, then rocking side to side. ‘Like this, huh?' she teased, smiling warmly at me as the heavy globes swayed back and forth under her. Yes. Just like that. There was no use trying to hold back. Two more strokes, and I could feel my orgasm erupting, a tad before I'd expected it to. And here I was, figuring I had it under control… I jerked the fleshlight off my cock, throwing it on the floor, sending spurt after spurt of cum over the table, grasping for the mug, missing, shooting another spurt halfway across the room towards her; at least it felt like it; before finally grabbing the mug and shooting the last, feeble spurt into it. I felt my earlobes glow with embarrassment as I came in for landing after the massive orgasm, only to see the mess I'd made; cum streaks over invoices, a pack of cigarettes, the table itself, a lighter… My companion laughed, totally losing it in a fit of laughter, her breasts jiggling as she shook ‘You should've seen yourself!!!', she eventually gasped, regaining some control over herself. ‘It was the most absurd sight I've ever seen, so incredibly hot, you in the midst of such an orgasm, frantically trying to grab my old mug…' I joined her, a bit hesitantly at first. It had indeed been comedy hour. I hoped there wasn't a surveillance camera here, for if it did, I'd be bound to find myself on some amateur blooper reel shortly. ‘Never mind, though,' she giggled. ‘I'll get that cleaned up in no time. Without getting her sweater back on, she left the room. Seconds later I heard the tell-tale sound of water pouring from a faucet and paper being torn from a roll. She returned, hand full of tissue paper, and handed me some. ‘Here, clean yourself up; then I'll show you how to clean your latest conquest afterwards.' She leaned in over the table and cleaned up any trace of my little indiscretion. I really had to fight the urge to reach out and touch the lovely form right in front of my eyes; but managed. I'd promised, after all; and I'd had a wonderful experience, I wouldn't want to ruin it by doing anything which might scare or offend her in any way. I leaned back in the sofa while cleaning most of the lube off my semi-erect cock, softly caressing it as I stared hungrily at her, finishing up the table. I followed her to the cupboard next to the office; standing close to her; still dressed like Venus of Milo, only with arms; in the tiny room, I could feel the warmth of her body against mine as she fumbled the fleshlight open, taking out the silicone innards. ‘Just hold it under lukewarm water, first, to get rid of your cum and the lube, then wipe it clean with a little bit of the toy cleaner I'll give you when we're back in the shop and it'll be ready for its next outing.' She glanced up at me, noting my attention was on her, rather than on the most useful instructions she were supplying. ‘Better leave it outside its sheath overnight to allow it to dry properly,' she said. ‘Well, unless you find you prefer to use just the inner sleeve, of course.' Quick smile. With that, she handed the toy back to me. ‘Just head back out in the shop, you. I'll be with you in a minute, just need to get dressed.' I was treated to a smile too cute to be believed, and I was bright enough not to overstay my welcome by asking for just a few more glimpses of her. I threw a last, longing glance at her beautiful, curvy shape, met her gaze; a rather lustful one at that!; and smiled at her. ‘I'll do some window shopping, then, see if I find more playthings catching my fancy.' I then turned and briskly headed back into the shop, again passing the surreal pile of inflatable dolls, one still sporting a santa's cap. She sure took her time getting dressed; I imagined she'd figured she needed a release, too. Hell, yeah - when she appeared in the door from the storeroom, she was still basking in that wonderful post-orgasmic bliss you can spot from a mile away. ‘Getting a bit carried away, are we?' I quipped in a mock stern tone. ‘How professional is it really to masturbate in the rear while there's customers waiting in the shop, huh?' She smiled sheepishly. ‘Busted. Fuck, I was so horny while you did your thing I almost leapt at you!' I laughed. ‘Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself, too; and with any luck you now know a bit more about, ah; your inventory?' She giggles. ‘Sure do, I can't wait until the next time some sod comes by, cheekily suggesting I can't possibly know how this one feels…' She worked the till. ‘I'm giving you this at a discount,' she laughed. ‘It is the first time I've ever sold a used toy. The lube and cleaner is on the house, promise me you'll take good care of your new friend!' I promised, and took my chances embracing her briefly. ‘Mind if I come back for some more shopping sometime?' I asked, voice thick with lust. She looked at me, quizzically, then shrugged. ‘Well, I happen to have another couple of toys which I could use some user feedback on…' she suggested with a smile. ‘I'll be back in a couple of weeks,' I said by way of goodbye. Heading for the doors, I realised I'd be pounding the fleshlight again seconds after returning home. I was already hard again… By Norweger for Literotica

He agrees to be her ‘focus group' for demoing toys in the adult toy store. (fetish) By Norweger.  Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. ‘Can I help you?' I glanced aside from the colourful products on display right in front of me, blushing mildly. The shopkeeper had done the rounds, and I, being lost in thought in front of the ‘Toys; male, solo' shelf hadn't noticed her approaching. Well, I could hardly deny I was thinking of buying a Fleshlight, as I held one; well, a securely wrapped one, luckily; in my hands as I met her friendly gaze. ‘I, ah…' Fuck. Going to an adult toy shop shouldn't be embarrassing, should it? My cheeks and earlobes grew pretty pink. ‘Well, I'm just browsing, to be honest, I…' [[MORE]] She nodded. 'Those are real good, by the way.' She giggled. ‘Well, good quality. Easy to keep clean. Rugged. For obvious reasons, I haven't taken one for a test drive myself.' I chuckled, feeling my awkwardness recede a bit. That's one way of putting it. ‘For obvious reasons…' I thought before answering ‘Well, I could hardly expect you to have, could I? That being said, shops like this are quite particular, no? Normally, asking the shopkeeper for recommendations and whether she'd used the product herself would be reasonable, but here, I guess it would get me me-too'd right away? How do you actually reply if someone holds up something and asks, well, is this one any good?' I smiled weakly while feeling my cheeks getting rosier again, hoping I hadn't overstepped any bounds. I got a chuckle for my trouble. ‘Well, please try to keep the exciting images out of your mind, but to tell you the truth, we do test quite a lot of the stuff we sell.' She blushed a little, herself. ‘Well, we must buy them, of course, though at a steep discount.' She turned her gaze down as the sentence trailed off, giving me a chance to look her over without being too obvious about it as the images she'd been warning me about started to manifest themselves to my inner eye. I guessed she could be in her early thirties, a few years younger than me. Quite cute, slender, narrow hips, a loose-fitting, turquoise sweater doing its best to hide her ample bosom… I'd already undressed her in my mind, trying to imagine her testing the huge dildos in the glass display cabinet right behind her. Oh no, I hadn't been blushing earlier. Now; NOW I was blushing. She lifted her gaze again and giggled. ‘Let me guess. Exciting images?' I could hardly deny it, and she could hardly take affront, either. I turned my own gaze down, intensely studying my rather rumpled leather boots. There was no way in hell I'd be able to meet her stare while saying it. ‘Oh, guilty as charged.' I made a helpless gesture with my arm towards the toys on display ‘I imagined both this and that, I'll admit.' ‘Well, there's a reason we don't have fitting rooms, you know!' Her giggle turned to a quick laugh which she stifled as quickly. I felt my mood rise just by hearing it; it had a chirping quality, sounded almost like a bird's cry. In improving spirits; and, frankly, quite turned on; this young, cute woman had more or less told me that she test ran a lot of the toys in the store. Now my eyes wandered around the room, desperate not to meet her stare, while every time I saw something titillating I imagined her using it on herself. Not that there was anything extraordinary about a woman in her thirties enjoying herself, but the mere thought, as she was standing two feet away from me… Fuck. I was rock hard. I hoped it wasn't too obvious. Here goes nothing. Had I first said A, I might as well say B, too. I felt a bit braver, thinking we could spin a bit on this, while still keeping it innocent. She looked amused, too. ‘That's kind of unfair, though, isn't it? Any woman walking into this store can get, ah, expert advice, whereas I, as a man, will have to take your word for it ‘Oh, this one is good; I haven't tried it, but it is good, believe me!' She laughed. Loud. ‘I swear to all that's holy, had we ever had a male shop assistant here, he'd be loaded down with all the male solo toys we could muster and be told to test the hell out of them; and take notes while he was at it!' She turned serious. ‘Wouldn't do you much good, though; I'd be most surprised if there's even a single man in town who'd casually ask another if that sex toy of his was any good or not.' I'd have to give her that. Chitchatting about sex did come a lot easier when I did it with a woman. ‘Just that. There's a reason we're all women working here,' she smiled. ‘Women sell better to both men and women than, say, a fifty-something, balding, pudgy male in a soiled T-shirt and sweat pants.' She chuckled. ‘Beg your pardon for letting my prejudices shine through, by the way.' I laughed out loud again, realizing I was getting close to asking her what she did once she'd closed shop; she had, in a few minutes since I'd become aware she even existed, shown herself to be one of those all too rare people who could get me in a good mood simply by being there; and that she could quip about sex and seemingly be at ease was an added bonus. Plus, of course, she was incredibly cute. I caught the warm, brown eyes peering out under her unruly mop of reddish hair, trying to come up with a suitable response before the silence became awkward or she trotted on through the shop, ending our moment. She glanced down at her watch, and my heart sank like a stone; opportunity wasted, I thought; until I heard what she had to say. ‘Look… Now I want you to be real careful; not getting the wrong idea as to what I am suggesting, okay? You are not going to have sex with me, capisce?' Well, she had my full and undivided attention, even if I wouldn't get to sleep with her. I nodded, firmly. No fucking her. OK. ‘I'm about to close shop, now. If you, ahem, would like to test the fleshlight before you buy it, you can do so, okay? But, you're going to have to buy it afterwards, obviously. The lube is on the house.' I gawked at her. Wow. I nodded, numbly. This couldn't be, could it? But I wouldn't want to miss this for the world. I nodded again, vigorously. She smiled a quick smile, then went to the entrance to lock the doors, glancing over her shoulder at me as she did so, throwing me another smile. Returning, she grabbed a bottle of lube from a shelf, and motioned for me to follow her as she walked past. As if I needed any prodding. ‘It'd probably be best to use our office, rather than have you go at it here under the bright lights,' she suggested softly. I just shrugged. I'd follow her anywhere. My cock was rather a simpleton. As we exited a door with a 'staff only' sign at the back of the shop, we entered the kind of storeroom you'll find somewhere in any shop in the world; shelves stocked with all kinds of goods, except… Well, these goods were very much adult toys. Darting past a crate packed to the gunwales with inflatable dolls; inflated!, she giggled ‘Meet last year's Christmas decorations; we couldn't sell them, but neither could we bring ourselves to throw them away…' I shook my head, dumbfounded. She nodded towards a green door near the corner of the storeroom ‘That's where you'll get to find out if the fleshlight is any good…' She opened the door, hinges groaning. ‘I've been meaning to grease those for ages, wonder if I can use this lube?' she mused as we entered a small-ish, run-down office. Lots of papers were covering just about any horizontal surface; a desk with a computer and a phone on it and a small coffee table in front of a battered old sofa tucked into a corner; piles of merchandise along the far wall. Nodding towards the sofa, she suggested I take a seat before seating herself on the office chair by the desk. ‘I hope you don't mind me watching. After all, I have a certain, um, professional interest in seeing how you get along with it, you know.', throwing me another smile; a warm, seemingly genuine one. She didn't appear to be wholly untouched, herself. I fumbled with the packaging. What sadist had invented welded plastic? Probably a good thing when it came to protecting sex toys on display, but when you were about to unwrap it to try it out? Not so much. My audience reached for a pair of scissors and motioned for me to lob her the fleshlight. ‘You get out of your jeans, I'll get this out, OK?' she suggested. I nodded, still not trusting my voice to bear. I hardly needed any more encouragement. I tugged at my belt, seconds later dropping my jeans to the floor, stepping out of them. My briefs were unceremoniously shoved down my thighs, and as I rose again, my almost painfully erect cock pointed arrogantly at the ceiling, the shopkeeper raising her eyebrows a little and giggling softly as she took the sight in while cutting open the packaging separating me from instant bliss. With a satisfied ‘Hah! Finally!' she pulled the fleshlight from its by now shredded plastic cover and reached over to hand it to me. I shamelessly ogled her cleavage before reverting to holding her gaze. ‘As I said, this is good shit. You won't be able to destroy this one during normal use…' She proceeded to explain how important it was to clean it after use, stressing that they had both suitable toy cleaner and disinfectant in the store. ‘Most gentle for the silicone, that stuff; unlike the dish soap most people tend to use…' Her sentence trailed off, apparently she got struck by the same thing I had; that this was an absurd time to discuss maintenance. ‘My apologies, I got a bit carried away. Here.' Accepting the toy, I glanced over at the bottle of lube perched on the edge of her desk. Turning around, she reached the bottle and spun back to present it to me. ‘There you go, put lots in the fleshlight, some around the entrance and a little on your johnson, and you're good to go.' Nodding, I did as she had suggested; an ample spurt of lube into the pale, pink thingy, then a little around the sculpted pussy lips. Bah, in a way it would have been better if they hadn't tried so hard to make it look like the real thing. ‘Seeing as you wanted my observations, I think it would have been better if it was just an opening, not modeled to look like a real pussy; you know, no matter how good this may turn out to be, it can't possibly compare to the real thing…' ‘Doh,' she exclaimed as she rolled her eyes. ‘I should have mentioned that, there's a neutral version, too; and, believe it or not, a few which are supposedly modeled after famous porn stars' pussies, whether you believe it or not. Anyway, they probably all feel the same; just look at something, anything else while you're using it.' I'd be lying if I claimed I thought it would matter much what it looked like once it was wrapped around me. Squirting a wee bit of lube in the palm of my hand, I stroked myself a couple of times, ensuring I got some on the purplish, swollen head, too; unless I slipped in unhindered, I'd be sore afterwards, of that I was certain. Positioning the fleshlight against the glans, I looked over at the shopkeeper. She stared back, eagerly anticipating my next move; not that she'd have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what that would be. Gently pressing the fleshlight towards me, I slid into my first silicone pussy. It was just tight enough to feel natural-ish, I'd hand the designers that; but it felt rather cold and, well, dead. ‘What's it like?' she asked, voice quivering slightly. ‘Oh, not too bad,' I replied ‘Though it does feel a bit cold and. ah, dead, if I may say so at the moment, but that should improve shortly…' Giving it a couple of strokes, I could already feel it begin to warm up. She raised her stare from my fleshlight-wrapped member to meet mine. ‘Fuck me, I really am not doing my job properly, now; I just remembered that the manufacturer recommend that you put it in warm water for a few minutes before use, precisely to avoid that corpse bride-feeling. My apologies.' I nodded. ‘That'd probably do the trick, I'm sure. However…'; I let it slide back and forth a few times, feeling the soft silicone caress my oh-so-erect cock; ‘it does feel really good, don't get me wrong; and it keeps getting warmer by the second!' Having said that, I stroked myself in silence for a few moments, slowly, deliberately; pulling it off me until my cock emerged from it, exposing the swollen, lube-glistening head for my very attentive audience, then shoving myself into it again. Oh yes, it felt better and better. While no one would ever mistake it for the real thing; well, no one who had ever had the good fortune to have the real thing wrapped around oneself, anyway; it definitely felt good, much better than a simple handjob. ‘It keeps getting better,' I grunted. ‘Would work better still if one could take it out of the casing, though; you know, to adjust the pressure, using it as a sleeve over my cock; would feel more alive, then.' She nodded. ‘I'll keep that in mind, in case someone asks. I believe you can take it out for cleaning, by the way; so you could probably, um, go au-naturel on it, if that's your preference.'; before again staring at my cock sliding in and out of the toy, mesmerised. I felt like I was being on display; quite naturally, seeing as that was just what I was; but caught myself enjoying it. My audience was really cute and sexy as hell; well, truth be told, I'd probably find even Margaret Thatcher hot as fuck if she had stared at my masturbating with that sultry look my watcher now sent me; but I digress. I was turned on, way beyond what I would have been had I been doing the deed at home, alone. I coughed softly, then slowing the pace a bit as I caught her stare again. ‘Uh, I know there won't be any actual sex, that's not what I'm fishing for now, but… Would you mind, ah, could I… Well, have a little glimpse of your charms? Some bare skin? Just to help me over the edge?' I must have looked like a pleading puppy, as she burst into laughter, luckily a good-natured one. After first shaking her head, she apparently had second thoughts and nodded. I swallowed. This intensely erotic moment was about to become even hotter. Grabbing the hem of her sweater, she pulled it over her head and revealed a black, low-cut bra and ample cleavage. Lovely, pillowy, full breasts. My pace picked up. ‘Don't you think about touching me, don't even reach for me, OK?' she said, sternly. I nodded, hoping I looked like I'd be true to my word. God knows how reliable one looks when masturbating to the sight of the girl asking you to keep your hands off her. She apparently found my promise good enough, and, after reaching behind her back for a second, the bra fell into her lap and her breasts swung free. I swallowed again, almost in disbelief. They were really beautiful; round, full and pillowy, large, but not so large as to be saggy; they proudly stood form her chest, slightly pear-shaped, milky white and crowned by the largest, weakly drawn areolas I'd ever seen, pale pink, crested with nipples looking as if you'd be able to cut glass with them, so hard were they. She was amazing, and I wasted no time telling her so as my cock hardened further still inside the silicone wrapper I was now doing my best to fuck the daylights out of while keeping my eyes locked on the shopkeeper, occasionally falling to her wonderful breasts, but mostly maintaining eye contact. She leant back in her chair, her breasts gently parting. My turn to be mesmerised. I could already feel the familiar tingling telling me my strokes were numbered and my orgasm forthcoming; I'd be done for shortly. The fleshlight was now at body temperature, and felt much, much more lifelike, albeit still no match for a woman, I grunted through clenched teeth ‘no muscles milking me, no body thrust against mine, no hands feverishly stroking over my back, hugging me close as orgasm approaches; but it does feel pretty… pretty damned good!' Nodding absentmindedly, she stroked a hand over her right breast, cupping it, then pinching her nipple between her thumb and index finger, moaning softly. ‘I'm about to cum,' I grunted, snapping her back to reality. ‘Oh, please do it in that one, huh?', she nodded to an empty mug on the table between us. ‘I want to see you cum.' I nodded, feverishly working my cock with the latest addition to my meagre sex toy collection. ‘Lean forward, please', I snapped ‘I want to see those lovely tits swaying under you…' Laughingly, she obliged, leaning forward, then rocking side to side. ‘Like this, huh?' she teased, smiling warmly at me as the heavy globes swayed back and forth under her. Yes. Just like that. There was no use trying to hold back. Two more strokes, and I could feel my orgasm erupting, a tad before I'd expected it to. And here I was, figuring I had it under control… I jerked the fleshlight off my cock, throwing it on the floor, sending spurt after spurt of cum over the table, grasping for the mug, missing, shooting another spurt halfway across the room towards her; at least it felt like it; before finally grabbing the mug and shooting the last, feeble spurt into it. I felt my earlobes glow with embarrassment as I came in for landing after the massive orgasm, only to see the mess I'd made; cum streaks over invoices, a pack of cigarettes, the table itself, a lighter… My companion laughed, totally losing it in a fit of laughter, her breasts jiggling as she shook ‘You should've seen yourself!!!', she eventually gasped, regaining some control over herself. ‘It was the most absurd sight I've ever seen, so incredibly hot, you in the midst of such an orgasm, frantically trying to grab my old mug…' I joined her, a bit hesitantly at first. It had indeed been comedy hour. I hoped there wasn't a surveillance camera here, for if it did, I'd be bound to find myself on some amateur blooper reel shortly. ‘Never mind, though,' she giggled. ‘I'll get that cleaned up in no time. Without getting her sweater back on, she left the room. Seconds later I heard the tell-tale sound of water pouring from a faucet and paper being torn from a roll. She returned, hand full of tissue paper, and handed me some. ‘Here, clean yourself up; then I'll show you how to clean your latest conquest afterwards.' She leaned in over the table and cleaned up any trace of my little indiscretion. I really had to fight the urge to reach out and touch the lovely form right in front of my eyes; but managed. I'd promised, after all; and I'd had a wonderful experience, I wouldn't want to ruin it by doing anything which might scare or offend her in any way. I leaned back in the sofa while cleaning most of the lube off my semi-erect cock, softly caressing it as I stared hungrily at her, finishing up the table. I followed her to the cupboard next to the office; standing close to her; still dressed like Venus of Milo, only with arms; in the tiny room, I could feel the warmth of her body against mine as she fumbled the fleshlight open, taking out the silicone innards. ‘Just hold it under lukewarm water, first, to get rid of your cum and the lube, then wipe it clean with a little bit of the toy cleaner I'll give you when we're back in the shop and it'll be ready for its next outing.' She glanced up at me, noting my attention was on her, rather than on the most useful instructions she were supplying. ‘Better leave it outside its sheath overnight to allow it to dry properly,' she said. ‘Well, unless you find you prefer to use just the inner sleeve, of course.' Quick smile. With that, she handed the toy back to me. ‘Just head back out in the shop, you. I'll be with you in a minute, just need to get dressed.' I was treated to a smile too cute to be believed, and I was bright enough not to overstay my welcome by asking for just a few more glimpses of her. I threw a last, longing glance at her beautiful, curvy shape, met her gaze; a rather lustful one at that!; and smiled at her. ‘I'll do some window shopping, then, see if I find more playthings catching my fancy.' I then turned and briskly headed back into the shop, again passing the surreal pile of inflatable dolls, one still sporting a santa's cap. She sure took her time getting dressed; I imagined she'd figured she needed a release, too. Hell, yeah - when she appeared in the door from the storeroom, she was still basking in that wonderful post-orgasmic bliss you can spot from a mile away. ‘Getting a bit carried away, are we?' I quipped in a mock stern tone. ‘How professional is it really to masturbate in the rear while there's customers waiting in the shop, huh?' She smiled sheepishly. ‘Busted. Fuck, I was so horny while you did your thing I almost leapt at you!' I laughed. ‘Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself, too; and with any luck you now know a bit more about, ah; your inventory?' She giggles. ‘Sure do, I can't wait until the next time some sod comes by, cheekily suggesting I can't possibly know how this one feels…' She worked the till. ‘I'm giving you this at a discount,' she laughed. ‘It is the first time I've ever sold a used toy. The lube and cleaner is on the house, promise me you'll take good care of your new friend!' I promised, and took my chances embracing her briefly. ‘Mind if I come back for some more shopping sometime?' I asked, voice thick with lust. She looked at me, quizzically, then shrugged. ‘Well, I happen to have another couple of toys which I could use some user feedback on…' she suggested with a smile. ‘I'll be back in a couple of weeks,' I said by way of goodbye. Heading for the doors, I realised I'd be pounding the fleshlight again seconds after returning home. I was already hard again… By Norweger for Literotica

Daniel Buitrago, Brandon Fifield & Jack Lau finally get the man, the myth, the legend “Gideon Saunders” in studio all the way from kodiak Island to sit down for much anticipated podcast convo!   Brandon needs readers, “Gideon the The Great warrior”, Ol'stumpy”, Kona Honey & Bees, 2024 Double Shovel Christmas Cran launch, Mule deer foundation, Blacktail Foundation, Big Buck Contest in Kodiak, (Inferred Drone & Darting), hunting pressure, (Adult onset Hunters), Kodiak Surfing Scene, unwritten rules and the hunting conversation, Kodiak Crawdad's on the Buskin, Kodiak, The furthest most Hawaiian island, Jack's new fade, Gideon's 25 years in the oil fields, Bear Valley Golf Course in Kodiak, we need some snow, “Snow Bros”,   Visit our website - www.alaskawildproject.com Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/alaskawildproject Watch us on YouTube - www.youtube.com/@alaskawildproject $upport us on Patreon - www.patreon.com/alaskawildproject

America has a drone problem. They seem to be everywhere now. While our government refuses to take any responsibility for them, few people are talking about the orbs. Sighting of these mysterious plasma like unidentified aerial phenomenon are growing. The orbs are performing in strange ways. Darting across the sky at lightening fast speeds, floating in place, causing radio frequency interruptions even leaving strange contrails. One drone even appears to respond to Jesus's name. It is an eerie, unbelievable site. Also, we dig into the latest attempt by Congress to spend 100 billion dollars in special interest programs under the threat of a government shut down. The latest 1500 page bill amounts to Washington at its worst. And, Sen. Josh Hawley joins with Sen. John Kennedy in going after the NCAA for destroying women's sports by allowing male athletes to dangerously compete against women. Go to http://freegoldguide.com/grant or call 800 458 7356 for your free Colonial Metals Group retirement protection kit – created specifically for our listeners where you can get up to $7500 in free Silver. www.PatriotMobile.com/Grantwww.Get21Now.comwww.EnergizedHealth.com/GrantTWC.Health/Grant Use "Grant" for 10% Off See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week we celebrate episode 250 by doing exactly the same nonsense as the previous 249. Dan has been failed at being a gentleman on a date and has upset the staff. Gavin has done nothing but identifies with an autistic shipwrecked man. Dan brings us a Salma Hayek based quiz and we talk a lot of music including our top ten songs.   This weeks recommendations : Limp : Drelli On The Run : Price Aliens Ain't Shit : Carter Vail Wish I Could Write A Love Song : Chas n Dave   Contact us here : Email : betherewithbelson@gmail.com X : @therewithbelson Instagram : @betherewithbelson

Peeping Tombased on a post by Fugman; narrated by Andrew;Welcome To Connected Podcast By Fugman. Listen to the ► Podcast at Connected. My wife has been bugging me to trim the trees in front of our bedroom window for months, but I keep pushing it off.  The trees rub against our bedroom shutters and window every time the breeze blows, I have actually learned to tune it out, but we had a nasty storm one night which kept Melissa up most of the night.  When the forecast called for high winds at the end of the week, Mel told me it needed to be done before then if I wanted to sleep in my bed again. [[MORE]]   I know she was partly kidding but I wanted to get it done to ease the tension between us about it.  It was going to be a surprise that I took off early one day so that I could go home and take care of the pesky limbs that were causing so much friction.  Since there was no car in the driveway, I assumed that Melissa must have gone out for a little bit.  I grabbed the ladder and headed off to do my task.  I put the ladder up to the side of the house, climbed up and started my work.  Snip, snip, I slowly started clearing the branches from the limbs.  When I got quite a few down on the ground below me, I went down and dragged them to the side of the road for pickup.  I again went up the ladder to continue my assault on the defenseless tree wreaking havoc on my wife's sleep schedule.  I again started to clip when I heard a noise coming from my bedroom, I turned and notice that the window and the curtains are open.  I can't remember if they were open or not when I first went on the attack against my foe.  It didn't even matter anymore, I looked around my bedroom, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, nobody home.  I continued and heard a noise yet again, I looked inside the house, this time, I found my wife laying on the bed wearing just her bra and panties.  She appeared to be sleeping, her head facing away from me.   Was she there a minute ago, surely I would have noticed my half naked wife laying on the bed in front of me??  She didn't move, I must not have seen her earlier.  Oh well, I'll surprise her in a minute when I am done.  “Ah!”, I heard it, I looked over, she was still facing away from me, she didn't move!  “Ummm” is she awake?  I stared in at her for a minute to see if I could catch her move, no, quiet as can be.  I turned away to do my work, “Ooh” I turned quickly, still in the same position, I thought to myself, I must be going crazy.  I watched for a minute, she didn't move, then I noticed it, the mirror on the dresser, I could see her, she was watching me through the mirror, her hand was between her legs, playing, sliding back and forth over her pubic mound.  “Save some for me baby” I said as she smiled and turned towards me.    She looked so hot, teasing me, trying to drive me crazy.  After she rolled over, she continued to play, staring at me as she drove her fingers inside the waist of her silky underwear.  Her mouth opened slightly to let me know where her fingers touched.  “Oh yeah, I'm so wet baby” she said softly.  I couldn't tear myself away from the window, but I couldn't wait to get inside to her.  I watched her for a minute as her hand continued to play down below, her eyes never left me, she knew I was excited and she knew it would only be a minute before I jumped through the window and had my way with her sexy body.  “Finish what you started first” she smiled as she knew she was driving me crazy.  “I can't concentrate on cutting down the branches, thinking about you playing by yourself.”  “You better figure it out and don't cut anything of yours off, I'm too horny to go to the hospital now.”  I continued watching her, her fingers playing, diving deep inside of her, her other hand grabbed her breast, squeezing the nipple through the fabric.  I saw her stop, look at me and slowly slide her underwear off and throw them at the window, falling short of the window.   She moved herself around so that she was facing me, she removed her bra, and spread her legs and her lips in front of me.  “Better hurry baby!” she sighed as she slid her fingers inside once again.  I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, but I forced myself to snip away the branches. “Oh Yeah” she moaned, I turned around again and caught her fingers sliding deeper and deeper, she plunged them inside as far as she could.  Knowing that I had to finish, I fought the urge to stare and turned around and went back to work.  I had a few more branches to snip when I heard the buzzing coming from inside, I turned around and Mel had her favorite vibrator resting on her clit, buzzing away.  She moaned loudly, “Oh my god, yes!”  I hurried the last few branches, snip, snip, snip!  I let the debris fall to the ground and climbed through the window.  I tripped on the way through the open window and landed about a foot in front of the bed, she giggled and then pushed her vibrator in all of the way.   She was moaning loudly and truly enjoying herself.  I could tell the buzzing was driving her close to the edge, her breath was getting shallow, her fingers were trembling, she was rapidly approaching the finish line.  I decided to let her finish, but give her a little help.  I put my face right into her crotch and took a hold of her clitoris and sucked on it for all I was worth, she screamed her appreciation in a crescendo of moans and cries of passionate bliss.  She was still trembling as she slowly withdrew the vibrating appliance and turned it off.  She lay there completely satisfied with herself, I looked at her and grinned an evil grin, “roll over” I commanded.   She did as she was told and rolled onto her stomach, I licked my way up her body from her ankles to her ass, I slid my tongue between her cheeks and planted kisses on both cheeks.  I slid my hand between her knees and gently spread her legs apart.  I dove between her legs and started licking up and down her back side.  Darting my tongue between her lips and at her rear entrance.  I head a soft sigh and I knew that I was hitting the right spots.  My hand slid between her thighs, poking into her steamy cunt, I parted the lips with my fingers and slid easily inside of her.  I plunged inside harder and harder as I lowered my tongue to her rear entrance, I kissed her most private place as I added another finger inside of her.  She was starting to squirm underneath me and I knew that she was ready, I lifted her hip, slid down my pants and underwear and plunged deep into her.  I then picked up the vibrator that she casted aside only minutes ago.  I switched it on and placed it at her rear entrance as I plowed into her again and again.  She was dripping from excitement as her moans and cries of excitement continued to get louder and louder.  I could hardly hear the buzzing of the toy as she continued to climb the ladder to orgasm.  The toy, just sitting at her entrance, rested at the threshold of her ass crack, as I stopped moving and just stayed deep inside of her.  I slowly pushed on the toy as it slowly stretched her to accept this invasion.  I held myself deep inside as the toy moved the tiniest bit deeper inside, she moaned her approval and I pushed a little harder until it became easier to push it inside.  Luckily, it was not a fat vibrator,  but it was still big enough to possibly cause her a lot of pain, so I moved as slow as I could entering just a tiny bit at a time.  She grunted and pushed back onto the toy impaling herself.  She moaned and said, “okay, now do me with it inside.”  I took a hold of her hips and thrusted in and out of her.  I slid as far in as I could, held there for a minute, enjoying the sensation of her little toy vibrating through her body.  The tingling sensation on my entire erection as I pounded inside of her was almost too much to take.  Mel was screaming louder and louder, she was approaching another climax.  I was experiencing tingling from everywhere as the toy buzzed inside of her, she was trembling and my own excitement coming closer to finishing in a melody of cries, screams and moans.  I pushed in as I started to come inside of her and I held my erection as deep inside of her as I exploded my ejaculate inside of her.  Her cries of satisfaction must have been heard by the neighbors as I slowly withdrew her little toy.  She and I collapsed on to the mattress, both of us spent and exhausted with our afternoon session.  I glanced out the window and noticed someone standing on the ladder, it was my next door neighbor Trish.  Trish smiled and said “Hi guys, having fun.”  Melissa giggled and said “Sure are, You?”  We invited Trish downstairs for a drink, she accepted as we got dressed and headed down to let her in the door. By Fugman for Tumblr.

Peeping Tombased on a post by Fugman; narrated by Andrew;Welcome To Connected Podcast By Fugman. Listen to the ► Podcast at Connected. My wife has been bugging me to trim the trees in front of our bedroom window for months, but I keep pushing it off.  The trees rub against our bedroom shutters and window every time the breeze blows, I have actually learned to tune it out, but we had a nasty storm one night which kept Melissa up most of the night.  When the forecast called for high winds at the end of the week, Mel told me it needed to be done before then if I wanted to sleep in my bed again. [[MORE]]   I know she was partly kidding but I wanted to get it done to ease the tension between us about it.  It was going to be a surprise that I took off early one day so that I could go home and take care of the pesky limbs that were causing so much friction.  Since there was no car in the driveway, I assumed that Melissa must have gone out for a little bit.  I grabbed the ladder and headed off to do my task.  I put the ladder up to the side of the house, climbed up and started my work.  Snip, snip, I slowly started clearing the branches from the limbs.  When I got quite a few down on the ground below me, I went down and dragged them to the side of the road for pickup.  I again went up the ladder to continue my assault on the defenseless tree wreaking havoc on my wife's sleep schedule.  I again started to clip when I heard a noise coming from my bedroom, I turned and notice that the window and the curtains are open.  I can't remember if they were open or not when I first went on the attack against my foe.  It didn't even matter anymore, I looked around my bedroom, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, nobody home.  I continued and heard a noise yet again, I looked inside the house, this time, I found my wife laying on the bed wearing just her bra and panties.  She appeared to be sleeping, her head facing away from me.   Was she there a minute ago, surely I would have noticed my half naked wife laying on the bed in front of me??  She didn't move, I must not have seen her earlier.  Oh well, I'll surprise her in a minute when I am done.  “Ah!”, I heard it, I looked over, she was still facing away from me, she didn't move!  “Ummm” is she awake?  I stared in at her for a minute to see if I could catch her move, no, quiet as can be.  I turned away to do my work, “Ooh” I turned quickly, still in the same position, I thought to myself, I must be going crazy.  I watched for a minute, she didn't move, then I noticed it, the mirror on the dresser, I could see her, she was watching me through the mirror, her hand was between her legs, playing, sliding back and forth over her pubic mound.  “Save some for me baby” I said as she smiled and turned towards me.    She looked so hot, teasing me, trying to drive me crazy.  After she rolled over, she continued to play, staring at me as she drove her fingers inside the waist of her silky underwear.  Her mouth opened slightly to let me know where her fingers touched.  “Oh yeah, I'm so wet baby” she said softly.  I couldn't tear myself away from the window, but I couldn't wait to get inside to her.  I watched her for a minute as her hand continued to play down below, her eyes never left me, she knew I was excited and she knew it would only be a minute before I jumped through the window and had my way with her sexy body.  “Finish what you started first” she smiled as she knew she was driving me crazy.  “I can't concentrate on cutting down the branches, thinking about you playing by yourself.”  “You better figure it out and don't cut anything of yours off, I'm too horny to go to the hospital now.”  I continued watching her, her fingers playing, diving deep inside of her, her other hand grabbed her breast, squeezing the nipple through the fabric.  I saw her stop, look at me and slowly slide her underwear off and throw them at the window, falling short of the window.   She moved herself around so that she was facing me, she removed her bra, and spread her legs and her lips in front of me.  “Better hurry baby!” she sighed as she slid her fingers inside once again.  I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, but I forced myself to snip away the branches. “Oh Yeah” she moaned, I turned around again and caught her fingers sliding deeper and deeper, she plunged them inside as far as she could.  Knowing that I had to finish, I fought the urge to stare and turned around and went back to work.  I had a few more branches to snip when I heard the buzzing coming from inside, I turned around and Mel had her favorite vibrator resting on her clit, buzzing away.  She moaned loudly, “Oh my god, yes!”  I hurried the last few branches, snip, snip, snip!  I let the debris fall to the ground and climbed through the window.  I tripped on the way through the open window and landed about a foot in front of the bed, she giggled and then pushed her vibrator in all of the way.   She was moaning loudly and truly enjoying herself.  I could tell the buzzing was driving her close to the edge, her breath was getting shallow, her fingers were trembling, she was rapidly approaching the finish line.  I decided to let her finish, but give her a little help.  I put my face right into her crotch and took a hold of her clitoris and sucked on it for all I was worth, she screamed her appreciation in a crescendo of moans and cries of passionate bliss.  She was still trembling as she slowly withdrew the vibrating appliance and turned it off.  She lay there completely satisfied with herself, I looked at her and grinned an evil grin, “roll over” I commanded.   She did as she was told and rolled onto her stomach, I licked my way up her body from her ankles to her ass, I slid my tongue between her cheeks and planted kisses on both cheeks.  I slid my hand between her knees and gently spread her legs apart.  I dove between her legs and started licking up and down her back side.  Darting my tongue between her lips and at her rear entrance.  I head a soft sigh and I knew that I was hitting the right spots.  My hand slid between her thighs, poking into her steamy cunt, I parted the lips with my fingers and slid easily inside of her.  I plunged inside harder and harder as I lowered my tongue to her rear entrance, I kissed her most private place as I added another finger inside of her.  She was starting to squirm underneath me and I knew that she was ready, I lifted her hip, slid down my pants and underwear and plunged deep into her.  I then picked up the vibrator that she casted aside only minutes ago.  I switched it on and placed it at her rear entrance as I plowed into her again and again.  She was dripping from excitement as her moans and cries of excitement continued to get louder and louder.  I could hardly hear the buzzing of the toy as she continued to climb the ladder to orgasm.  The toy, just sitting at her entrance, rested at the threshold of her ass crack, as I stopped moving and just stayed deep inside of her.  I slowly pushed on the toy as it slowly stretched her to accept this invasion.  I held myself deep inside as the toy moved the tiniest bit deeper inside, she moaned her approval and I pushed a little harder until it became easier to push it inside.  Luckily, it was not a fat vibrator,  but it was still big enough to possibly cause her a lot of pain, so I moved as slow as I could entering just a tiny bit at a time.  She grunted and pushed back onto the toy impaling herself.  She moaned and said, “okay, now do me with it inside.”  I took a hold of her hips and thrusted in and out of her.  I slid as far in as I could, held there for a minute, enjoying the sensation of her little toy vibrating through her body.  The tingling sensation on my entire erection as I pounded inside of her was almost too much to take.  Mel was screaming louder and louder, she was approaching another climax.  I was experiencing tingling from everywhere as the toy buzzed inside of her, she was trembling and my own excitement coming closer to finishing in a melody of cries, screams and moans.  I pushed in as I started to come inside of her and I held my erection as deep inside of her as I exploded my ejaculate inside of her.  Her cries of satisfaction must have been heard by the neighbors as I slowly withdrew her little toy.  She and I collapsed on to the mattress, both of us spent and exhausted with our afternoon session.  I glanced out the window and noticed someone standing on the ladder, it was my next door neighbor Trish.  Trish smiled and said “Hi guys, having fun.”  Melissa giggled and said “Sure are, You?”  We invited Trish downstairs for a drink, she accepted as we got dressed and headed down to let her in the door. By Fugman for Tumblr.

Peeping Tombased on a post by Fugman; narrated by Andrew;Welcome To Connected Podcast By Fugman. Listen to the ► Podcast at Connected. My wife has been bugging me to trim the trees in front of our bedroom window for months, but I keep pushing it off.  The trees rub against our bedroom shutters and window every time the breeze blows, I have actually learned to tune it out, but we had a nasty storm one night which kept Melissa up most of the night.  When the forecast called for high winds at the end of the week, Mel told me it needed to be done before then if I wanted to sleep in my bed again. [[MORE]]   I know she was partly kidding but I wanted to get it done to ease the tension between us about it.  It was going to be a surprise that I took off early one day so that I could go home and take care of the pesky limbs that were causing so much friction.  Since there was no car in the driveway, I assumed that Melissa must have gone out for a little bit.  I grabbed the ladder and headed off to do my task.  I put the ladder up to the side of the house, climbed up and started my work.  Snip, snip, I slowly started clearing the branches from the limbs.  When I got quite a few down on the ground below me, I went down and dragged them to the side of the road for pickup.  I again went up the ladder to continue my assault on the defenseless tree wreaking havoc on my wife's sleep schedule.  I again started to clip when I heard a noise coming from my bedroom, I turned and notice that the window and the curtains are open.  I can't remember if they were open or not when I first went on the attack against my foe.  It didn't even matter anymore, I looked around my bedroom, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, nobody home.  I continued and heard a noise yet again, I looked inside the house, this time, I found my wife laying on the bed wearing just her bra and panties.  She appeared to be sleeping, her head facing away from me.   Was she there a minute ago, surely I would have noticed my half naked wife laying on the bed in front of me??  She didn't move, I must not have seen her earlier.  Oh well, I'll surprise her in a minute when I am done.  “Ah!”, I heard it, I looked over, she was still facing away from me, she didn't move!  “Ummm” is she awake?  I stared in at her for a minute to see if I could catch her move, no, quiet as can be.  I turned away to do my work, “Ooh” I turned quickly, still in the same position, I thought to myself, I must be going crazy.  I watched for a minute, she didn't move, then I noticed it, the mirror on the dresser, I could see her, she was watching me through the mirror, her hand was between her legs, playing, sliding back and forth over her pubic mound.  “Save some for me baby” I said as she smiled and turned towards me.    She looked so hot, teasing me, trying to drive me crazy.  After she rolled over, she continued to play, staring at me as she drove her fingers inside the waist of her silky underwear.  Her mouth opened slightly to let me know where her fingers touched.  “Oh yeah, I'm so wet baby” she said softly.  I couldn't tear myself away from the window, but I couldn't wait to get inside to her.  I watched her for a minute as her hand continued to play down below, her eyes never left me, she knew I was excited and she knew it would only be a minute before I jumped through the window and had my way with her sexy body.  “Finish what you started first” she smiled as she knew she was driving me crazy.  “I can't concentrate on cutting down the branches, thinking about you playing by yourself.”  “You better figure it out and don't cut anything of yours off, I'm too horny to go to the hospital now.”  I continued watching her, her fingers playing, diving deep inside of her, her other hand grabbed her breast, squeezing the nipple through the fabric.  I saw her stop, look at me and slowly slide her underwear off and throw them at the window, falling short of the window.   She moved herself around so that she was facing me, she removed her bra, and spread her legs and her lips in front of me.  “Better hurry baby!” she sighed as she slid her fingers inside once again.  I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, but I forced myself to snip away the branches. “Oh Yeah” she moaned, I turned around again and caught her fingers sliding deeper and deeper, she plunged them inside as far as she could.  Knowing that I had to finish, I fought the urge to stare and turned around and went back to work.  I had a few more branches to snip when I heard the buzzing coming from inside, I turned around and Mel had her favorite vibrator resting on her clit, buzzing away.  She moaned loudly, “Oh my god, yes!”  I hurried the last few branches, snip, snip, snip!  I let the debris fall to the ground and climbed through the window.  I tripped on the way through the open window and landed about a foot in front of the bed, she giggled and then pushed her vibrator in all of the way.   She was moaning loudly and truly enjoying herself.  I could tell the buzzing was driving her close to the edge, her breath was getting shallow, her fingers were trembling, she was rapidly approaching the finish line.  I decided to let her finish, but give her a little help.  I put my face right into her crotch and took a hold of her clitoris and sucked on it for all I was worth, she screamed her appreciation in a crescendo of moans and cries of passionate bliss.  She was still trembling as she slowly withdrew the vibrating appliance and turned it off.  She lay there completely satisfied with herself, I looked at her and grinned an evil grin, “roll over” I commanded.   She did as she was told and rolled onto her stomach, I licked my way up her body from her ankles to her ass, I slid my tongue between her cheeks and planted kisses on both cheeks.  I slid my hand between her knees and gently spread her legs apart.  I dove between her legs and started licking up and down her back side.  Darting my tongue between her lips and at her rear entrance.  I head a soft sigh and I knew that I was hitting the right spots.  My hand slid between her thighs, poking into her steamy cunt, I parted the lips with my fingers and slid easily inside of her.  I plunged inside harder and harder as I lowered my tongue to her rear entrance, I kissed her most private place as I added another finger inside of her.  She was starting to squirm underneath me and I knew that she was ready, I lifted her hip, slid down my pants and underwear and plunged deep into her.  I then picked up the vibrator that she casted aside only minutes ago.  I switched it on and placed it at her rear entrance as I plowed into her again and again.  She was dripping from excitement as her moans and cries of excitement continued to get louder and louder.  I could hardly hear the buzzing of the toy as she continued to climb the ladder to orgasm.  The toy, just sitting at her entrance, rested at the threshold of her ass crack, as I stopped moving and just stayed deep inside of her.  I slowly pushed on the toy as it slowly stretched her to accept this invasion.  I held myself deep inside as the toy moved the tiniest bit deeper inside, she moaned her approval and I pushed a little harder until it became easier to push it inside.  Luckily, it was not a fat vibrator,  but it was still big enough to possibly cause her a lot of pain, so I moved as slow as I could entering just a tiny bit at a time.  She grunted and pushed back onto the toy impaling herself.  She moaned and said, “okay, now do me with it inside.”  I took a hold of her hips and thrusted in and out of her.  I slid as far in as I could, held there for a minute, enjoying the sensation of her little toy vibrating through her body.  The tingling sensation on my entire erection as I pounded inside of her was almost too much to take.  Mel was screaming louder and louder, she was approaching another climax.  I was experiencing tingling from everywhere as the toy buzzed inside of her, she was trembling and my own excitement coming closer to finishing in a melody of cries, screams and moans.  I pushed in as I started to come inside of her and I held my erection as deep inside of her as I exploded my ejaculate inside of her.  Her cries of satisfaction must have been heard by the neighbors as I slowly withdrew her little toy.  She and I collapsed on to the mattress, both of us spent and exhausted with our afternoon session.  I glanced out the window and noticed someone standing on the ladder, it was my next door neighbor Trish.  Trish smiled and said “Hi guys, having fun.”  Melissa giggled and said “Sure are, You?”  We invited Trish downstairs for a drink, she accepted as we got dressed and headed down to let her in the door. By Fugman for Tumblr.

The Interview - A young man leaves the Navy and finds a new job.By PtmcPilot – listen to the ►Podcast at Steamy Stories. Thomas Edison reportedly said that the harder he worked the luckier he was. In my case I had worked pretty stinking hard as an enlisted member of the nuclear submarine Navy for the previous six years, so if you side with Edison I must have accumulated a decent amount of luck in my karma account. No matter how events came together, I was very lucky to be in just the right place at the right time. You probably won't believe it, and truth be told, on some days I don't believe it either. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let me start at the beginning.Or maybe not quite the beginning. As I mentioned, I'd been in the Navy for six years starting right after high school. After graduation a lot of my friends had gone off to college, but I wasn't interested in joining them. I wanted to do something at once, not four years or so later. I joined the Navy, was picked up for nuclear power and asked for submarines (long story for another time). Working on subs was tough, yet rewarding at the same time. And it paid fairly nicely for a 19 to 24 year old. Many of the younger enlisted, read that as non-lifers, were interested in using their G I bill benefits to go to college when their enlistment was complete. And when I left the Navy a mere six weeks ago, that had been my plan as well. I'd saved a fair amount of money, and combined with the G I bill I was able to comfortably attend most any college.Now, relaxing on a couch in my parent's living room, when I wasn't surrounded by people looking forward to college, I found the idea was no longer appealing. It always seemed to me that people felt college was a natural progression, and to do otherwise was somehow not living up to one's potential. Problem was, after my years in the Navy I knew that wasn't the case. Sure, college might open some doors, but I had every bit as much, if not more respect for the senior enlisted in the Navy as I did the officers. Very different jobs requiring different skill sets. One ingredient of success on the ship was mutual respect for those different skill sets. Relaxing off duty with Sailors from other ships told me such mutual respect was not always a given. I'd been fortunate.By the time I left the Navy I knew I was capable, well trained, reliable, and eager to work hard. The Navy had spent a lot of money training me how to operate and maintain equipment as well to train and lead people. Not only was I good at all those things, I enjoyed them immensely. It's a very rewarding feeling when you use your own skills to take something from not working, to working. A friend of mine, a fairly senior Navy electrician, enjoyed replacing burnt out light bulbs even though such things were typically reserved for more junior people. "It's instant job satisfaction," he'd said.I knew my parents were happy to have me around, and at the same time I knew they didn't want me to become a permanent fixture. It was only nine in the morning, and I resolved right then that today was the day to seriously start the job search. After grabbing a shower and a cup of coffee, I sat down with my laptop and began. There were lots of openings that appealed to me, or rather a lot of jobs I knew I could do. HVAC technicians and mechanics of all kinds appeared to be in particular demand, and the pay didn't look too bad. Besides, I was in a pretty enviable position; I could easily quit after a short time if it didn't work out.After a brief moment of reflection I decided my qualifications meant I should avail myself of a headhunter, or at least some high end placement site. I did so, and was startled to get a text message two hours later. It was a link, so I forwarded it to my email and called it up. Oddly, it wasn't from one of the services I had contacted. "Provider of Building Services. Responsible for all building systems maintenance and services for staff on site. Monday through Friday, from 9 to 5, $95,000 per year. If interested please send your interview availability to FoxxIncJobs@FoxxInc.com" From the tone it seemed they had my resume and knew who they were talking to. Intrigued, I sent a note to the address stating I was available for an interview at their convenience.It was perhaps another hour later when a reply came in from the same address: "Please confirm your availability for an interview starting at sixteen hundred, at 8472 Saddlebrook Road." I checked the address, and although I did not want to appear desperate, I replied at once that I could make that time. It seemed a bit odd to be having a job interview that late on a Friday, and it made me wonder what kind of work-life balance they might have as part of their culture. And then I laughed at myself--as if work-life balance was something I was acquainted with from subs...Still, this observation was added to my mental list of hypothetical questions to be posed to my would-be employer.The use of 24 hour time got my attention as well, as in my admittedly limited experience most people in the US did not use it. Checking the time, I had about two hours before I needed to leave. Plenty of time to shave, iron a shirt and get my ass across town. Minor preparations complete, I had a little time to do some research on Foxx Inc., and there wasn't much there. Nothing on the usual job review sites, and the corporate splash page simply stated it was a legal firm serving government and private clients, able to support work at all classification levels. Well, I'd learn more when I got there.Arriving at the designated place at fifteen fortyfive, the parking lot in front of the building was empty. The visitor parking spots were very close to the door, which was nice given how hot it was that afternoon. The building itself was an attractive, if plain, multi-story building made of the typical glass, steel and concrete. It was also unmarked aside from the large stylistic numbers identifying the building as '8472'. Grabbing my jacket I got out of the car and went to the large glass doors.The lobby was large, with comfortable looking chairs of white leather arranged around small metal and glass tables. A long reception desk opposite the entry doors appeared to be of solid wood and was decorated with a number of glass sculptures. Glancing around I noted the presence of several CCTV cameras, their red status lights blinking every few seconds to let you know they were awake, or at least powered. Aside from the front doors there were no other obvious exits from the room. Taking a seat I looked over the walls a bit more closely and noticed there were a couple of places that might be seams that could hide hinges on the reverse.It wasn't more than two or three minutes when I heard a distinct 'click' from the direction of the front doors. Curious, I checked them and found they were now locked. It was then I heard another click behind me, and turning I watched as one of the well-hidden doors opened and a woman strode through. Black haired, tall and quite attractive, she was wearing a black skirt, black heels, a white blouse and a dark blue jacket. She smiled as she closed the distance to me, extending a hand. "Mr. Jeffries, I presume?"Returning the smile and the handshake, I said, "Thomas, please."She let go of my hand and regarded me with a puzzled look, "Mr. Jeffries, we've only just been introduced.""Not exactly," I said, "I still don't know your name."The look she gave me was somewhere between confusion and irritation. But in an instant her face snapped right back to pleasant as if she'd rolled back time. She extended her hand again, "Mr. Jeffries, I presume?"Again returning the handshake I replied, "Yes, and you are?"She let go of my hand, "Ms. Olson. I'm pleased you could come in on such short notice. If you would follow me?"With this she turned and strode toward the door I now knew to be there. A sign next to the door, which appeared to be nothing more than a label plate, turned out to be a card reader, which she used to open the door. On the other side of the door a small well lit room had a standard set of boxes used to hold mobile phones. I was already taking my phone and keys out of my pocket when she gestured toward the boxes and asked me to secure any electronics. Completing this task she led me to something that looked like an airport TSA portal. She indicated I should walk through it, and she watched as I did. It didn't beep or anything and she led me to another door, which she again opened with a key card, though this time she added a PIN, her finger movements concealed by a cover plate.Through this second door we entered a large open area. Two elevators were visible to the right, again with things I now knew to be card readers. To the left was a featureless wall with one door. She led me to this door and entered with her card. This room was a rather large office, tastefully decorated with wooden furniture, some IT equipment, plants, a few leather chairs and a small refrigerator. There was also another door on a wall adjacent to the one we had entered through. She indicated a chair in front of the large desk. "Would you like a bottle of water Mr. Jeffries?" Her continued formality was curious, and I simply said yes. She withdrew two bottles of water from the fridge and handed me one before sitting down herself."Mr. Jeffries, again, thank you for coming in this afternoon," she said as she unscrewed the lid on her bottle."I was available, so there wasn't much of a reason to wait," I said before taking a pull on my own bottle."Well, shall we get down to business then?" she said. I nodded and she pulled a folder from inside the desk. "Six years in the Navy, straight out of high school. Trained mechanic, standard awards for good conduct, but also three Navy Achievement Medals. Current security clearance, and living with your parents having just been discharged several weeks ago." The whole time she had been talking she had been looking directly at me. Which was good in a way because it kept me from trying to ogle her, and I figured that was not a great way to start with an H R rep, if that's who she was. The funny thing about her little speech was that the medals were not listed in anything I thought she might have been able to access while researching me. Wait, they researched me?I realized she had asked me a question. "I'm sorry Ms. Olson, could you repeat that?"Her face was impassive. "Did you enjoy your time in the Navy?""I'm not sure I'd say enjoy. It was often hard work, but also rewarding. I got to see some of the world and learn some useful things. Or at least, I hope you will find my skills useful."She nodded, "Your professional certifications are quite in line with what we need in terms of taking care of the property, yes. Tell me, did you enjoy Singapore or Thailand more?"At this point it was clear she was trying to keep me off balance by showing what she knew about me. "Um, Ms. Olson, what kind of work does Foxx Inc do?"She unbuttoned the front of her jacket and sat back in the chair, taking another drink of water. As her jacket parted I could not help but notice her top was almost shear, and she was not wearing a bra. She caught my glimpse, but smiled as she answered, "We are primarily a legal firm. We consult on a variety of subjects to varied clientele. Our work regularly connects to the government, to include the DoD and several other agencies with whom you might not be as familiar.""And so it would be normal to run a background check on any applicants."She smiled and looked down at the desk, selecting a piece of paper from the file. "Yes, but I must tell you it is less mysterious than you might think. To begin with your electronic fingerprints are everywhere, and the only thing that provides privacy is people with access not taking an interest. In applying, we became interested." I nodded, only sort of following her. She gave me a soft look, then said, "Tell me, before you decided to end your time with the Navy, you applied for a special projects position, did you not?"I nodded, though once again how she knew this was beyond me. "That application triggered a number of automatic events that were completed even before they would have started an SSBI." Seeing my confusion she added, "A background investigation.""I see.""You have applied for a job at a firm that does highly sensitive work for the government, amongst others. Further, I am meeting you alone in this building in the late afternoon. The least you should expect is that we have done our homework."Sure, it all made sense. And nonetheless, I was taken aback by the results of said homework, especially in such a short time frame.She continued, "That homework indicates you have all the mechanical and supervisory skills necessary to keep our facility humming along, and your clearance is certainly a plus in that you will likely be able to access most parts of the building unescorted," she said. "And," she added with a smirk, "there was time to acquire some more, shall we say, personal information."I swallowed, not really knowing what she meant by that last bit. Trying to regain my composure, I nodded and tried to move closer to show my interest. "Is this the only building I'll be maintaining?"She nodded in reply, "Yes, that is correct. Electrical, mechanical, structural, all your responsibility. As you saw, the position involves a typical work schedule, though a number of the employees keep less standard hours, especially the partners.""Could I ask a question?" She nodded, and I continued, "Why did the previous person leave the job?""Hum," she murmured, then grinned, "Let's say he grew tired.""Of the job?""I thought you were nuclear trained Mr. Jeffries? That is an assumption, not an observation or conclusion based on indications." That caused me to sit back. If they had only been aware of me for a few hours, that was pretty specific criticism for someone of my particular background. And a damned insightful criticism at that. But if she was bothered, it didn't show. Instead, she grinned as she held my gaze. "I believe my statement to be accurate regarding the previous PBS." She continued, "I assume the proposed compensation is adequate?" I nodded again. "Very well. In addition you will earn twenty-eight days off per year, usable at your leisure from day one. We have a full gym on-site as well as a reasonably good cafeteria. I expect you will find the severance package quite generous as well.""So, are you offering me the job?" I asked, an edge of excitement probably pretty evident.Her grin changed to a smile, though this time her look was almost predatory. "Well, there are other things to be discussed and evaluated before I can do that." Opening another drawer she withdrew a single piece of paper and handed it to me. "This is a standard non-disclosure agreement. In quite too many words, because lawyers, it effectively says that with the exception of any illegality you observe you may not discuss anything that happens in this firm with anyone not a member of the firm. As was your security agreement with the Navy, this is binding until death or until the Firm informs you otherwise."It was not a long document, and it seemed to say just what she said. I picked up a pen from the desk and signed it straightaway. Taking the page back from me she examined my signature, nodded, then added her own under mine. "Although I believe Foxx Inc is an upstanding firm, you would be wise to carefully analyze any small print." Standing up, she said, "I'll go make a copy of this for your records." She picked up another small packet of papers and handed it to me as she walked past me to the other door. "I'll be back in a little while to answer any questions."The cover page was labeled "Foxx Inc Sensitive: Disclosure, Authorized Only under NDA". Typical enough, or so I thought. Turning the page I found myself faced with a rather extensive questionnaire. As I started to work on it, I soon realized it was also anything but typical. Relationship status, exercise habits, pieces of medical history, diet, alcohol consumption, sexual orientation, sexual experience to include number of partners, and then very specific questions about what sexual acts I enjoyed, would do, and absolutely would not do. I answered a few and then stopped; finding I was not comfortable providing this level of detail about private aspects of my life.A little while later the door opened and I saw Ms. Olson re-enter the room. Seeing I was not writing, she said "That was fast, are you all done?" Standing in front of me she leaned over to look at the papers in my lap. Still looking forward I was treated to the most glorious down blouse view I may have ever been given. Her white top hung away from her chest, now fully revealed as a pair of large, tanned breasts unconstrained by a bra. I gulped and when I looked up she was smiling at me, apparently not put off at all by my observation of her chest. However, in my defense she had all but deliberately dangled them in my face. Add to that she was now wearing quite shocking black lipstick. Now I was really off balance. She retook her seat. "Do you have questions or concerns I can help resolve, Mr. Jeffries?""It's just that, well, I don't see why you need to know some of these things about your building manager," I said.She leaned back. "Ah, I see. You did note the position is 'provider of building services', did you not?" I nodded. Her smile turned into leer. Yep, I'm quite sure of the memory. She leered at me. "You'll forgive me. I do so enjoy this part of the interview, and I've only done it a few other times, so humor me."I took an involuntary look at her chest again. Her expressions remained the same as she said, "Your job, should you choose to accept it, includes sexually servicing the women who work here."I was almost, almost certain I'd used my inside voice when I shouted, "Holy shit!" But then Ms. Olson almost jumped back at my outburst. I know she jumped because she bounced really nicely. Taking a deep breath, I said, "Okay."Raising an eyebrow, she said, "'Okay', really?" Then a long pause, and she continued with the smirk back on her face. "Well then, ask me any questions you have and we'll see if we cannot clear this up." I was rewarded, I think, as her smirk switched to predatory again. I had the feeling she was toying with me. Not unlike a cat and a mouse though I didn't really think she'd literally eat me. At least not in a bad way. I pinched myself for focus."Right, how about this one about exercise habits?" I asked."Physical condition is linked to physical performance, wouldn't you say?" she said. Looking back I'm not sure there was a reason for me to continue, but sometimes you haven't quite processed what people have told you.I said "Um, why the question about sexual orientation? And my diet?"She locked eyes with me and I could not look away. "Mr. Jeffries, I believe my stating that you are expected to "sexually service the staff like a stud within a herd of brood mares" more than adequately provided information sufficient to answer the first." Now, I know I asked for it, but when she spoke it really rocked me. Her face was all professional, stern, condescending and superior when she resumed her rebuke of my density. "It would not do for me to hire someone not hungry enough for it. It is up to me, and me alone to select the appropriate," she winked again, "stud for my herd."I swallowed heavily and nodded. She stood and removed her jacket, hung it on a coat rack and took her seat again. Her large breasts were now every bit on display, the sheer fabric of the material all but baring them to my gaze. I forced myself to look in the eye again, finally realizing what this interview was leading up to. "Now that you have utilized logic and available information to answer your first silly question 'about sexual orientation," she'd kind of spat the words at me, "I will answer your second plainly." Now the look she gave me was something I couldn't explain or describe. I don't know how to explain what 'holy fucking hornier than ever' looks like, but that was her.Then she made an obvious display of running her tongue along her lips and said, "You must be aware that your diet directly affects the taste of your semen. Are you not?"At this point any thoughts about work life balance were thrown to the curb like an ex's CD collection. I knew my mouth was hanging open. Her large breasts swayed and jiggled as she spoke. I now noticed that her areola were very dark and her nipples quite hard, and easily seen through a not-quite-there top. Forcing myself to look back up at her face I cleared my throat and said, "I think I see. Shall I get back to answering these then?"She nodded and smiled back at me, "I'm happy to hear that. And yes, please do. I would like to conclude your interview today."For a very brief second I considered how I might feel if I were a woman being asked to, ah, service the male members of the firm as a prerequisite for employment. Don't be too hard on me for acknowledging that I, and my hard-on, didn't mind one bit.It only took me a few minutes to write out short answers to the questions, after which I passed the questionnaire back to her. She read over my answers, nodding every now and then. "So, Thomas, you can call me Ashley, if you like."I don't know what, but that didn't sound like what I should call her. "Thank you, Ms. Olson," I let out a long breath and notice a flare to her nostrils. It felt like I made the right choice, and I said, "What's next?""For one, you should know this aspect of the position is obviously off the books, except for the salary, which is an additional fifty percent over your normal pay." I nodded and could not suppress a truly shit-eating grin. She raised an eyebrow that again indicated mild irritation, "Is that not acceptable, Mr. Jeffries?" She delivered my name in two words with a notable pause, more like 'Mister. Jeffries." The tone was all heat. Clearly the Mr. & Miss Smith was strong with her. I liked it. A lot.I shook my head and tried to refocus, if only for a bit. "No, it's not that at all. It's just, well, you're telling me I'm likely to be having sex with any number of women here, and you are going to pay me for it?"Maybe she was acting, but her expression was one of sincere offense. Again with the stutter pronouncement, "I am certain I just characterized the additional pay as stud fees." As I gaped at her statement, she unbuttoned the top half of her blouse. Yep, no doubt about the solid nips, flushed face and suddenly deeper breathing. Actually I can't tell you how I noticed or remembered that given how aware I was of her body and my hard-on.Her restatement of 'stud duty' made me smile. Then I said, "Again Ms. Olson, you mistake my meaning. My comments were meant as 'I can't believe you want to pay me more for this.'"Her face relaxed at once and she stood and walked to stand between the desk and myself. For the first time I noticed the scent of an aroused woman. "Mister. Jeffries, contrary to what you may think, finding someone for this job is not easy. It is simply not possible to advertise for a proper, well, cocksman."Well, that did it. There was no unhearing something like that. Stud was one thing, but 'cocksman?' Somehow it meant nothing to me even as I could completely understand it. I once more tried shaking my head to clear my thoughts for a moment. I remembered something she said that seemed suddenly relevant. I said, "What did you mean by more personal information?"She finished unbuttoning her blouse, and then shrugged it off, her body now bare from her waist up. Her breasts were nothing short of magnificent. I was staring and completely unable to stop myself from reaching out and taking them in my hands. She purred, then put her hands over mine and said, "Don't think poorly of me, Mr. Jeffries, but I contacted Tilly."

Low intervention und möglichst naturbelassen - wer davon spricht meint oftmals Naturweine. Also Weine, die durch sehr reduzierten Einsatz von kellertechnischen Methoden hergestellt wurde. Trennscharf erklärt Martin Darting die Unterschiede und worauf es wirklich ankommt. Gespräch mit Martin Darting , Sensorikexperte, Autor und Winzer, Speaker. Hol dir sein Buch - Sensorik: Für Praktiker und Genießer Als Autor war mir Martin Darting bereits seit längerer Zeit bekannt. Sein Buch „Sensorik: Für Praktiker und Genießer“ habe ich bereits vor einigen Jahren verschlungen und kann es jedem, der das Thema Wein wirklich verstehen möchte nur ans Herz legen. Einen Link zu Amazon findest du hier: https://amzn.to/2VZv0UQ

In this episode, host Nick Madsen shares his experience using the drug BAM to chemically immobilize animals. He recounts a situation where they had to immobilize a moose trapped in a facility. Despite their efforts, the moose did not cooperate and ran away. Nick discusses the challenges they faced, including the weather conditions and the possibility of issues with the drug mixture. He also explains the process of darting animals and the importance of air pressure. The episode ends with plans to continue the operation and a reminder to be cautious when working with immobilization drugs. Takeaways BAM (Butyrophanol Azaperon Metatomidine) is a drug used for immobilizing animals. Weather conditions, such as cold temperatures and snow, can affect the effectiveness of immobilization drugs. Darting animals requires careful consideration of air pressure and range finding. Nighttime darting is not recommended due to the uncertainty of dart placement. Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/your-adrenaline License code: QWS1TG5BYTFK2  #bigbuck #biggamehunting #wildlife #bowhunter #archeryhunting #outdoors #huntingthings #muledeer #deerhunter  

Dan got chatting to darting wonderkid and Bahrain Darts Masters champion Luke Littler all his rise to stardom, how YOU can become a darts superstar, his EAFC24 Ultimate Team and his 2nd love, Manchester United.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, host Nick Madsen recounts his experience responding to a cougar sighting near a cemetery. He describes the challenges of locating the cougar and the efforts to keep the neighborhood safe. The episode highlights the chaotic scene after darting the cougar and the importance of securing the area. Madsen also discusses the health assessment of the cougar and the increase in cougar calls following such incidents. Takeaways Responding to cougar sightings requires coordination between wildlife officers, biologists, and law enforcement to ensure public safety. Darting a cougar can be a chaotic and hectic situation, with various stakeholders wanting to be involved and document the process. Reversing the drugs used to sedate the cougar requires careful timing to ensure the animal fully recovers. Following a cougar sighting, there is often an increase in reported cougar sightings, which may include misidentifications of other animals.   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/your-adrenaline License code: QWS1TG5BYTFK2  #bigbuck #biggamehunting #wildlife #bowhunter #archeryhunting #outdoors #huntingthings #muledeer #deerhunter  

Gespräch mit Martin Darting , Sensorikexperte, Autor und Winzer, Speaker. Hol dir sein Buch - Sensorik: Für Praktiker und Genießer Als Autor war mir Martin Darting bereits seit längerer Zeit bekannt. Sein Buch „Sensorik: Für Praktiker und Genießer“ habe ich bereits vor einigen Jahren verschlungen und kann es jedem, der das Thema Wein wirklich verstehen möchte nur ans Herz legen. Einen Link zu Amazon findest du hier: https://amzn.to/2VZv0UQ

Spurs make Neal Maupay take his darts back to West London after seeing off Brentford 3-2. We chat about what got into Tottenham in the first half and what woke them up in the second. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tottenhamdepot/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tottenhamdepot/support

Gespräch mit Martin Darting , Sensorikexperte, Autor und Winzer, Speaker. Hol dir sein Buch - Sensorik: Für Praktiker und Genießer Als Autor war mir Martin Darting bereits seit längerer Zeit bekannt. Sein Buch „Sensorik: Für Praktiker und Genießer“ habe ich bereits vor einigen Jahren verschlungen und kann es jedem, der das Thema Wein wirklich verstehen möchte nur ans Herz legen. Einen Link zu Amazon findest du hier: https://amzn.to/2VZv0UQ

Luke Littler joins Polly James to reflect on his historic victory, as he becomes the youngest player to make a World Darts semi final. We also look back on a remarkable comeback for Rob Cross, discuss Scott Williams' surprise win over MVG, and hear from Luke Humphries who has made it to the final four for the first time in his career. Plus, the PDC's Matt Porter looks ahead to the semi finals.

Known by many names – sprig, pinny, bull – but unmistakable in appearance, the northern pintail is one of North America's most recognizable, graceful, and well-studied duck species. Unfortunately, much of that attention was garnered because of dramatic population declines and the mystery surrounding it. Dr. Scott Stephens joins Chris Jennings and Dr. Mike Brasher to profile this iconic species, discussing its ecology, population status, causes of its decline, and conservation opportunities.www.ducks.org/DUPodcast

Get your snowmobile accessories from Motorcycle Freaks (+1 971-384-0107)! This motorsport gear retailer has everything for extreme winter weather conditions, including high-quality ice studs and skis with skegs.Find out more at https://motorcyclefreaks.com/ Motorcycle Freaks City: Beaverton Address: 9450 SW Gemini Dr Website https://motorcyclefreaks.com/ Phone +1 971 384 0107 Email info@motorcyclefreaks.com

Charley chats with wildlife vet Richard Burroughs about his recent trip to Pakistan in search of Brown Bears. Bear recording courtesy of Dan Bergum If you wish to support this podcast, please visit our Patreon page at: https://www.patreon.com/naturallyadventurous?fan_landing=true Feel free to contact us at: ken.behrens@gmail.com or cfchesse@gmail.com Naturally Adventurous Podcast --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ken-behrens/message

Dan Dawson sits down with Wayne Mardle to discuss Hawaiian shirts, beating Phil Taylor, semi-final heartbreak and the hilarious Vegas story that still haunts John Part to this day!

Our Darts Legends series returns with special guest 'The Sheriff' Erik Clarys! Listen to Erik talk through his career from discovering darts on TV in Belgium and progressing through the ranks, to making history as the first male player from outside the UK to win the World Masters in 1995. Erik also talks about switching over from the BDO to the PDC in the mid 2000s, his accident at work that led to his career being cut short, and his current roles in the game working as a pundit on Belgian TV and running his own darts workshops. Enjoy! *** Thank you to Dartwolf for sponsoring this podcast. Follow Dartwolf on Twitter @Dartwolf180 and check out dartwolf.tv for more #DynamiteDartsContent  *** Sponsorship available! Want your business advertised on the show? Email weeklydartscast@gmail.com for more details and a free copy of our new sponsor brochure! *** Enjoy our podcast? Make a one-off donation on our new Ko-Fi page here: ko-fi.com/weeklydartscast Support us on Patreon from just $2(+VAT): patreon.com/WeeklyDartscast Thank you to our Patreon members: Phil Moss, Gordon Skinner, Connor Ellis, Bill Richards, Scott Hunt

Title: "The Rich Dickman Show - Episode 269: The Sexual Act of Lawn Darting" Podcast Episode Summary: In the latest uproarious installment of The Rich Dickman Show, prepare to embark on a wild rollercoaster ride of absurdity and unexpected twists. Join hosts Rem, Randy, and Cody as they dive headfirst into the murky depths of "not enough vibe" and endeavor to extract pure entertainment from their off-kilter antics. Will Rem manage to navigate these treacherous waters and keep the show on track? Brace yourself as Cody's adventures in Alabama threaten to keep him away from his beloved Island Paradise indefinitely, while Randy's misadventure sheds light on the excruciatingly painful world of "Lawn Darting." Hold on tight as Rem grapples with his frustration at the prospect of attending a fireworks display, while Randy finds himself embroiled in a Taylor Swift scam that leaves him bewildered. Plus, prepare for a mind-bending edition of "Thinking With Your Dickman," where the hosts explore unconventional and peculiar perspectives. And don't miss the highly anticipated return of "Dick of the Week," featuring some truly obvious contenders for the prestigious title. But that's not all! Prepare to unlock the next Law of Power, a doozy that will leave you pondering its implications long after the episode concludes. And if that's not enticing enough, Cody takes center stage once again as he indulges in another thrilling round of "Cody Reads Copy." As if that weren't enough excitement, the podcast proudly presents "Jesus AI Art," this time with an extraordinary theme: "Jesus in Blade Runner!" Witness the awe-inspiring creativity of the magnificent hosts as they weave a tapestry of unexpected connections and unimaginable possibilities. And if you're curious about what lies ahead, be prepared to be blown away by a tantalizing sneak peek of next week's theme. So, whether you're a seasoned Rich Dickman enthusiast or a curious first-time listener, this episode promises non-stop hilarity, outrageous adventures, and unexpected revelations. Tune in and join the laughter-filled journey that awaits you on The Rich Dickman Show. Don't forget to visit RichDickman.com for all your Rich Dickman needs, and join the lively community on Discord at TinyURL.com/TRDS1.

The guys discuss the Aaron Judge controversy, and why he was looking over to the dugout before his second home run. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Raymond van Barneveld is een Nederlands professioneel dartspeler, geboren op 20 april 1967 in Den Haag. Hij begon zijn carrière in 1984 en heeft sindsdien vele titels en prijzen gewonnen, waaronder vijf wereldkampioenschappen. Van Barneveld staat bekend om zijn precisie en consistentie op het dartbord en wordt beschouwd als een van de beste darters aller tijden. In 2019 kondigde hij zijn pensioen aan, maar keerde later terug naar de sport. Hij is momenteel 54 jaar oud en blijft een populaire en invloedrijke figuur in de dartswereld.

Ep. 18 | A Darting Baltic Bonanza by The Darts Show Podcast

In today's podcast, we are joined by Bryan and Taylor they run the SeaBros Podcast, Bryan and Taylor are some brother who grew up fishing and now do Charter Fishing for Gian Blue Fin tuna and Striped bass. Today we talk about their experiences as charter Captains, what has gotten them to their current succes as Captains, and what they find most important in getting repeating clients.If you have any requests or awesome guest for the podcast let us know via: podcast@billfish.siteIf you like the podcast, please support us by checking out some of our latest products, especially the Performance Pants, onCheck out our gear at https://billfishgear.com/?utm_source=...Billfish Group specializes in enhancing human outdoor performance through technical products. We create products, in all forms, which enhance the outdoor experience both on and off the water. We felt there was a need for true performance wear, as the elements get harsher, it's up to us to become better. Billfish was created by fishermen, for fishermen with the goal of building a community of outdoors enthusiasts around the globe. We do this through engaging with our community on social media platforms and IRL events.

Michael Smith opens up about the struggles of growing up in St. Helens, having the strength to come back from darting heartbreak and reaching the pinnacle of the sport.

Guest host Matthew Kiernan is back with the first of his Q-School Diaries for 2023. The Darting Nerd is joined by Darryl Pilgrim fresh from securing his place in the final stage of UK Q-School after winning through on the first day of play on Monday. *** Thank you to Dartwolf for sponsoring this podcast. Follow Dartwolf on Twitter @Dartwolf180 and check out dartwolf.tv for more #DynamiteDartsContent  *** Sponsorship available! Want your business advertised on the show? Email weeklydartscast@gmail.com for more details and a free copy of our new sponsor brochure! *** Enjoy our podcast? Make a one-off donation on our new Ko-Fi page here: ko-fi.com/weeklydartscast Support us on Patreon from just $2(+VAT): patreon.com/WeeklyDartscast Thank you to our Patreon members: Phil Moss, Gordon Skinner, Connor Ellis

Guest host Matthew Kiernan is back with a special episode ahead of Q-School! The Darting Nerd chats to four of the hopefuls at this year's UK Q-School, Josh Payne, Cam Crabtree, Ben West and Scott Walters, ahead of their campaigns getting under way in Milton Keynes on Monday. *** Thank you to Dartwolf for sponsoring this podcast. Follow Dartwolf on Twitter @Dartwolf180 and check out dartwolf.tv for more #DynamiteDartsContent  *** Sponsorship available! Want your business advertised on the show? Email weeklydartscast@gmail.com for more details and a free copy of our new sponsor brochure! *** Enjoy our podcast? Make a one-off donation on our new Ko-Fi page here: ko-fi.com/weeklydartscast Support us on Patreon from just $2(+VAT): patreon.com/WeeklyDartscast Thank you to our Patreon members: Phil Moss, Gordon Skinner, Connor Ellis

Darting animals present significant challenges, whether moose or deer, cougars or bears. The effects of the chase could be done by helicopter on foot or in the back of a truck puts a lot of stress on the animals. The opioid that is injected into their body then decreases their respiratory rate which increases the chance of hyperthermia and elevated body temperature that can last up to 40 hrs.   Thompson, D.P. et al. (2020) “Acute thermal and stress response in Moose to chemical immobilization,” The Journal of Wildlife Management, 84(6), pp. 1051–1062. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1002/jwmg.21871.   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/your-adrenaline License code: QWS1TG5BYTFK2PCL

This week, we decided to do something different. Instead of our typical weekly episode, this week features a blooper reel that will give you a taste of the ridiculousness that happens behind the scenes of Darting Through The Faith and hopefully bring you some laughs. The blooper reel can be found on YouTube, here: https://youtu.be/d6lrkfHclVs Julia and Fr. Sean will be back next week to cover the topic, "I Believe in the Holy Spirit," paragraphs 683–690 in the Catechism. Happy Thanksgiving!

This week we do a deep-dive into the latest avian flu outbreak with Dr. Jennifer Ramsey, the state wildlife veterinarian for Montana. The latest outbreak was notable for its severity and the breadth of species it reached -- from waterfowl to raptors to turkeys. Dr. Ramsay said they would sometimes even find an entire nest, adults and fledglings, that had succumbed to the virus. Plus: Going from a traditional veterinary practice to wildlife veterinary medicine; ornery moose, and what biologists are watching for during the fall migration. 2:00 A peek inside a scientist's work freezer 5:00 Wildlife CSI 6:00 Marcia's stuffed zucchini recipe 10:00 Regular veterinary medicine to wildlife veterinary medicine 15:00 Avian influenza + wildlife... not all influenzas are created equal 17:00 The current avian flu is hitting snow and Canada geese especially hard; raptors are also struggling 20:00 Transmission by nasal secretions, saliva, feces (...but how did the turkeys get it!?) 21:00 Avian flu symptoms in birds 22:00 So... can you eat them? 25:00 Seeing an entire nest of raptors (adults + chicks) succumbed to avian flu 27:00 Proximity to people influences the degree to which birds are tested/detected 29:00 The role of the public in avian flu detection 34:00 Communicating a wildlife pandemic with the public  40:00 The timing of migrations and avian flu outbreak 42:00 Transmission between domestic and wild birds 49:00 Mortality in bad bird flu outbreaks can be severe 52:00 Darting an ornery moose at a campground 56:00 Darted animals... you're safe with us! 

Welcome back to the Osos den! Now doing dick farts/queef ratings! mayne. The Osos get into what shows are interesting these days while forgetting each of their names.. mayne. The theory of why dogs know when you cum (home), and when they die, we die too mayne.. Don't forget to leave a comment, like and hit that SUB button for new episodes Every Thursday! Listen/Follow us: https://linktr.ee/ososgolosospodcast https://www.instagram.com/osos.golosos.podcast/?hl=en Edited & Produced by: Spektrestudios.com https://www.instagram.com/spektrestudios/?hl=en https://www.youtube.com/c/JesusPasos #osos #bears #dfw #goloso #comedy #hispanic #podcast #reels #tiktok #podcasting #smallyoutuber #favorite #fortworth

Dick Hansen and his friend Jean were hanging out together before chatting in his car at the end of the night. A car pulled up and parked behind them on a street where only their two cars remained. As they left, Jean followed Dick as she wasn't familiar with the area, soon getting the idea they were being following by the other car. Darting across a highway and trying desperately to lose their stalker, Jean and Dick exited the highway and parked their cars, behind which the car rolled up and parked behind them. Dick went to confront the man who mortally wounded him. Jean ran back to help Dick and barely caught a glimpse of the shooter as the car sped away. To this day, the murder has not been solved. Jean thinks, due to the man's football-like build and her license plate reading “49R HUGS”, the killer may have been a fanatic of a rival team, though the ball still hasn't been caught on Dick's killer. Please join Laura and Mark as we discuss this shocking case.  Thank you to Mat Graham from Artificial Fear for allowing us to use his amazing cover of the Unsolved Mysteries Theme Song! Check out his YouTube Channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoQNyGGSIl_ZbEDq-teZDWQ And thank you to Ryan Hughes from Planet H for lending us his spot-on “Stack Voice” and working with us to have such a cool intro and outro! Check out his YouTube Channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYrlNAFRMlWQN1rhWboZh2g  

Welcome to Episode 64. We have one game and a TV Show for you. The Game: Legend of Dragoon The TV Show: Surface Intro Song "Letting Go" By Emerge Title Art by Devious.Pixel Internet Preamble Music Bed "Dystopian Sycophants" by Cherished Ghosts Sweet Jams: "If You Believe" "Battle 1" "World Map 2" "Lloyd's Theme" "Dead City" These tracks and more can be found on the Legend of Dragoon OST The Internet: Lock Stock Store Action! The Movie Podcast Blake's Story "They Come This Night" Patreon Twitter Discord Twitch Facebook Instagram Reddit Spotify Playlist 2smokingcontrollers@gmail.com The End --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/twosmokingcontrollers/support

Documenting bread crumbs. Moments that'll soon be forgotten. Yet it was meant to be learned from. We move through changes and challenges without stopping to take notes. Then we wonder why things keep happening over and over. It reminds me of the darting squirrels in the center of the road. They aren't paying attention to the get off points. The same is true about my radio career. I kept darting around totally ignoring the better path and journey. Then I saw the giant wheels of the real world right in front of me and I was about to be crushed. Bread crumbs and darting squirrels. Students of the everyday world.

Documenting bread crumbs. Moments that'll soon be forgotten. Yet it was meant to be learned from. We move through changes and challenges without stopping to take notes. Then we wonder why things keep happening over and over. It reminds me of the darting squirrels in the center of the road. They aren't paying attention to the get off points. The same is true about my radio career. I kept darting around totally ignoring the better path and journey. Then I saw the giant wheels of the real world right in front of me and I was about to be crushed. Bread crumbs and darting squirrels. Students of the everyday world.

We've got a special one this week, the first ever PlayingFTSE awards with categories like, Best Bank, Best Place For Your Emergency Fund and Best Up & Comer! First though, we have a game. Steve W has been looking very hard at Stanley Druckenmiller's 13F and has built a game about his holdings! Its a tough one! Darting onwards we're heading into the first category - Best Savings Account. With this we're thinking specifically about the best place for your emergency fund - there was a clear winner until last month and now it's all up in the air! Next up is Best Bank. Both Steve's are Monzo shareholders so there's a clear winner here....and it isn't Monzo. Having recently incorporated PlayingFTSE into a business we're very much on top of the small business accounts available at the moment, the two Steves breakdown the offerings from the NeoBanks and pick their favourite! So we move onto the ISA's, LISA's and JISA's the Steves pick through each offering discussing merits and opportunities to expand! LISA's is an extremely light category, expect a different winner next year! We finish with the most promising up and comer, this section is dedicated to apps that don't win an award this time but are looking very promising for the future - there's a couple of favourites in the list and we're struggling to pick a winner!

Flecks of Gold On a Path of Stone - Simple Truth's For Profound Living An unknown author wrote, “Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen, but what cannot be seen.”  Oddly, we possess this strangely cockeyed perception that we must be able to see something in order to treasure it.  What we see as treasure is really only the thing that's revealing the treasure itself.  The treasure in a daisy is not the daisy, but the massively creative genius behind the daisy.  The flower itself is simply a tender, fragrant and quite intricate manifestation of the real treasure.  Reflected in the wonder of this simple flower we are privileged to see a whisper thin slice of something truly marvelous.  Real treasure then lies nestled in hidden places with generous clues to its magnificence scattered all about us like a generous field of daisies that rolls off to blue horizons.  Sadly, we call those clues “treasure.” The real treasure is often too airy and intangible for us.  But, we feel that we have to see treasure, which in reality keeps us from seeing treasure.  Not only do we have to see treasure, we think that we have to be able to somehow hold it in our hands.  And then, in far too many cases we think we have to be able to own in order to really treasure it.  What we haven't figured out is that if we can possess something it's simply not a treasure, for real treasure is far too elusive to be held in the hands of any man. Sadly, we rarely consider the reality that real treasure is the stuff that can't be seen.  Therefore, we don't look for it because we presume that there's nothing to look for.  Because we don't look for it, we miss real treasure and we accept the bogus, phony and plastic stuff of life for the stuff of treasure.  We plod through life with our pockets crammed with a squalid array of worthless trinkets that we think to be treasure.  We live anemically impoverished lives and we don't even know it.       In fact, it may well be that to treasure something in a truly treasured manner it must be entirely ethereal; it must be something that we can't see, that we can't hold and that we can't own.  When we possess something, the fact that we have the ability to possess it suggests that whatever it is, it's terribly limited; so limited in fact that we can control it.  Possessing something suggests that whatever we possess is subject to our whims and the flux of our own whimsy.  Anything we can control must have some sort of inferior status that automatically excludes it as being treasure of the most treasured sort.  Being unable to possess something suggests that it has a sweeping scope, an unfathomable significance, and a fathomless depth that is far beyond us or beyond anyone else for that matter.  Real treasures are elusive because if they're not, they don't rise sufficiently above our sordid and stained humanity to be genuinely categorized as treasures.  Real treasure will not be owned, or bound, or appraised, or hemmed in, or leashed, or locked in a vault, or confined to a trust, or be made subject to either our ridicule or praise.  Real treasure is priceless because it supersedes and completely eclipses any rogue monetary standards that we'd foolishly attempt to place on it.  Real treasure will not bow in servitude or obediently follow at our heels because it is superior to us.  Yet the real wonder of real treasure is that it is withheld from no one.    Sparrows and a Clapboard Garage Every spring the sparrows came back to the old garage; something like coming back to a comfy, old friend.  Darting and bouncing in feathered frenzy, they would burst from the muscular maples and the tangled brush of the Mock Oranges, flirting and flitting in front of the garage in some sort of grand hello after a winter's separation.  Upon their return their boundless energy and contagious enthusiasm seemed wildly intoxicating; vibrant, vibrating and filled with all the fresh energy of spring.  I often wondered if they had spent the cold, gray months of winter in a nearly uncontrollable anticipation of greeting their old friend once winter had rolled off the horizon of spring. Sometimes in life there seems to be a subtle yet wonderfully warm camaraderie of sorts that develops between things you'd never think would or could be connected like that.  Those things are a kind of treasure in themselves.  That seemed to explain the quiet, entirely unspoken kind of relationship that existed between the old garage and the sparrows.  They seemed like long seasoned friends that didn't need to say much because the bond that they shared spoke more than words ever could.  The old clapboard garage and the house sparrows were each warmed, gently magnified, and beautifully enhanced by the other.  Each was a treasure embraced as a treasure.  The sparrows would glide up between the heavy wooden doors and slip by the sturdy steel tracks that they ran on; seeming to nestle into the garages soft, clapboard embrace.  Every spring the sparrows would settle in and nest right above the heavy wooden doors, tucked just inside the thin edge of the garage attic.  There was far too much love and warmth in the old garage, so there were usually two or three nests enfolded above the wooden doors. It was easy to see the sparrows incessantly coming and going as they bobbed and darted about.  Yet, as with any real treasure you couldn't see what they were doing.  Treasure enveloped in secrecy always lends a bit of tantalizing mystery to it all.  The sparrows were phenomenally tireless; transporting endless bits of straw and brown grasses into the garage; building a place to birth the treasures of the next generation.  Within moments of entering the garage they would poke out elated heads, and then burst into flight with empty beaks.  In no time they would return with more strands of lacey grass, or bits of tattered weed, or cottony fibers, or limply discarded pieces of string . . .  over and over. Within weeks the sound of new life could be heard tentatively reaching out from above the old, wooden doors.  Scattered chirps and peeps liberally tossed out as brilliant shards of spring would be shushed when anyone approached.  Patient mothers were teaching their little ones that life is an incomparable treasure, but treasure does not eliminate danger.  These little, hidden treasures would become ever louder as they grew.  They would grow strong and eventually seek the independence of flight.  Before the close of spring they would launch themselves in a gangly and awkward kind of flight.  Curiosity would beckon them out to explore the places close to the garage, bursting into uncoordinated flight but never wandering too far way.  Life would eventually call them out ever further from the clapboard garage until they were gone into summer's embrace.         Characteristics of Treasures Unobtrusive Treasures are hidden away in quiet places.  They speak in soft tones and often become silenced as we approach.  They don't beg to be found, but embrace us if we do happen to find them.  They are the product of completely ordinary circumstances unfolding in wonderfully extraordinary ways.  They are found hidden in the nooks and crannies of our existence; all around us if we quit allowing our attention to be captivated by that which is noisy and listen for that which is quiet and still.    The Product of Unexpected and Loving Camaraderie Treasures are a product of treasures.  Real treasure is the product of lives shared, experiences intermingled, roads merged into single lanes, sacrifices jointly experienced, the soulful laughter of two hearts in beat with each other, and lives bountifully expended in unity.  Treasures are the step-child of lives lived out in shared experiences that dramatically multiply both the experience and persons in a manner geometrically beyond anything the persons could hope to experience alone.  Treasures rise out of the relationship of people who are intimately woven together by the threads of time and the needle of experience.   Always Creating and Never Preserving Treasures are not stagnant.  They're not to be preserved as in the preserving they will most certainly wither and they will perish.  Real treasures begat other treasures.  Real treasures are designed to perpetuate other treasures.  Sometimes the perpetuation involves the replication of the original treasure, and sometimes the replication is something entirely different but just as wonderful.  Treasures are ingenuously and deliberately crafted to enrich the world.  If one thing is for certain, they are not designed to be encased in the lifeless museums of our making, or the vaults we create to keep them to ourselves.  It's in their multiplication that the cold of life's winters are forced off the edge of the calendar to make way for spring.   Sown to the World It's our natural inclination to preserve treasures; to corral them and box them and seal them tight.  We assume that unless they're preserved they'll be lost, which is entirely contradictory.  In fact, they are designed to be launched and thrown out to the horizons of each of our lives regardless of whatever the season is that we might be in.  Authentic treasures permeate our world; they gain wings of their own and they disburse so that they might reproduce in other places and in other lives.  The stuff of treasure is irrepressibly infectious and prudently wild; intent on providing enrichment whenever and wherever it can.  We must work against our own inclinations and toss treasures out to the world around us. It would be tremendously wise to rethink the concept of treasure in your own life.  What you may be holding onto may not be treasure at all.  In fact, if you're “holding” onto it, it's not.

The Loremen are joined by supernatural pod king* Danny Robins! Danny is the voice behind Haunted, The Battersea Poltergeist and Uncanny, as well as being an award-winning playwright. And he brings James and Alasdair a little-known North-Eastern legend: The Cauld Lad of Hylton. Was the Cauld Lad a ghost? A sprite? A murder victim? Or just an annoying guy who didn't know how ducks work? Darting between Newcastle and Sunderland, we also encounter a somewhat smutty version of the Fish and the Ring, and a carefully censored account of Pollard's Boar. *He's king of supernatural podcasts NOT king of the pod people. Sign up to the patreon for an exclusive bonus episode with extra Danny Robins: www.Patreon.com/loremenpod Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

We're talking about how public transportation has an important role in supporting the workforce. Amanda Wanke, DART (Des Moines Area Transit Authority) Deputy CEO, guides us through all the resources DART has available to riders in the Des Moines area, and how businesses can help solve transportation issues for their workers.  

The Locked On Vols podcast is your daily show covering Tennessee Volunteers football and basketball with Eric Cain.It's Twitter Tuesday on Locked on Vols where we take time each week to answer YOUR questions. Plus, what did Josh Heupel, JaVonta Payton and Jacob Warren have to say during Monday's press availability? And what the heck is Dan Mullen doing down there on Gainesville? All that and more on a Tuesday edition of Locked on Vols!Be sure to participate in #TwitterTuesday by tweeting @LockedonVols or @_Cainer all your questions. Tuesday's show will answer them! DMs are open. Follow the show on those Twitter accounts and also on host Eric Cain's Facebook page: CainerOnAir. And every Friday is 5 Star Friday here on Locked on Vols! Head over to Apple Podcasts and leave a positive review + a 5 star rating and we'll shout you out each and every Friday!Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors!SweatBlockGet it today for 20% off at SweatBlock.com with promo code LockedOn, or at Amazon and CVS.Built BarBuilt Bar is a protein bar that tastes like a candy bar. Go to builtbar.com and use promo code “LOCKED15,” and you'll get 15% off your next order.BetOnline AGThere is only 1 place that has you covered and 1 place we trust. Betonline.ag! Sign up today for a free account at betonline.ag and use that promocode: LOCKEDON for your 50% welcome bonus.Rock AutoAmazing selection. Reliably low prices. All the parts your car will ever need. Visit RockAuto.com and tell them Locked On sent you.___________________________________________________________________________________________________A special shoutout to James Manning (@GooseManning5) for his assistance in graphic design. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

bri and ellie dive into basic introductions and game rules while getting drunk on this first episode. they tackle who their dream threesome would be with, how much they love playing darts and more of the sh*t they do on the daily. weekends start on wednesday in this house but monday's are for ripped.