Podcast appearances and mentions of pauline boss

As an avid reader, I'm always seeking that next great book. The one that allows me to see myself and the world more clearly, comforts me when I'm lost, or inspires me to move through my day differently. This series is my opportunity to pass these remarkable books onto you, as readers of A Mind of Her Own, both for your own enjoyment and also, as a self-serving shout-out to the universe to send me more amazing, life-changing reads. I'm excited to hear what you think, and I'm so glad you're here!Life-Changing Reads: A Series1. Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, by Parker Palmer“Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening…vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue. It means a calling that I hear.”I read this book when I was feeling lost, searching for a life that aligned with my values and desires, and doubting myself at every step. I kept hearing this call to write, to create, but I thought it was something I should do in my “non-work” time, because it wasn't a serious activity for a physician. Parker's discussion of his own struggle to find his true vocation, through an altruistic but ultimately unsustainable career path, was a fundamental guide on my journey.2. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain“So when introverts assume the observer role, as when they write novels, or contemplate unified field theory—or fall quiet at dinner parties—they're not demonstrating a failure of will or a lack of energy. They're simple doing what they're constitutionally suited for.”I listened to this book in the car, sitting in LA traffic, during my psychiatry residency. I still remember the feeling of hearing these words, suggesting my tendency to prefer listening to talking, observing to acting, thinking to doing was not because I was lazy, overly shy or antisocial. It was what I was “constitutionally suited for.” This was a revelation.Here I am now, writing books, listening as a psychiatrist and podcast host, and taking time to think about life's great mysteries. Thank you, Susan, for your beautiful writing.3. The Good Life: Lessons From the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness, by Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD“Do I matter? Some of us have lived the majority of our lives and find ourselves looking back, others have most of our lives in front of us and are looking forward. For all of us, regardless of age, it helps to remember that this question of mattering, of leaving something for future generations and of being part of something bigger than ourselves, is not just about our personal achievements—it's about what we mean to other people. And it's never too late to start now and leave a mark.”This book, by the directors of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, is a powerful summary of the lives of two generations of individuals from the same families for over 80 years. It's remarkable to read their quotes as they navigate joy, loss, struggles and successes over the years. The reason I've found it so important to read and reread is its powerful reminder of the importance of our relationships in creating happiness. Not money. Not fame. Not a perfect body. Not prizes or rings or medals. It's all about the love and connection we have in our lives.Today, as I try to navigate the overwhelmingly stressful news and constant churn of social media, it grounds me in my day-to-day life to reflect on those in my closest orbit. How can I connect with them today? How do I show my love and interest in ways both silly and sincere? Even if I've been feeling disconnected, I trust that it is never too late to leave my own mark in their lives and remember the joy of having them in mine.4. How Do You Feel? One Doctor's Search for Humanity in Medicine, by Jessi Gold, MD, MS“Sometimes, the heaviest emotional burden is to bear witness or to hold space for someone else's story. To do my job well and be someone whom people can trust, I need to care. I need to be truly empathetic. I need to be raw and available.”This beautiful book, by Jessi Gold, describes so many aspects of my experience as a psychiatrist. She writes about the unique emotional toll of meeting with patients during some of their darkest moments, as they are working to overcome trauma, abuse, loss or grave illnesses. Reading this was incredibly validating. In the past, when I had finished my clinical week, I would look back and wonder, “Why can't I do more? Why didn't I see more patients? There is so much need.”Dr. Gold's book helped me to be self-compassionate, recognizing I could only be truly present if I also took care of myself. This is a message I now try to pass along to the psychiatry residents I teach. We are human, and we have limits. Thank you, Jessi, for generously sharing your life with us. Your work is so important.Listen to Dr. Gold on The Reflective Mind Podcast at https://amindofherown.substack.com/p/speaking-the-quiet-part-out-loud?r=1wdz1l5. Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up by James Hollis, Ph.D.“To engage with the summons of our souls is to step into the deepest ocean, uncertain whether we will be able to swim to some new, distant shore. And yet, until we have consented to swim beyond the familiar lights of the port left behind, we will never arrive at a newer shore.”This stunning book, by Dr. James Hollis, a Jungian scholar and prolific writer, shares his own story of midlife depression and his decision to leave the familiar to seek training in Zurich and become a Jungian analyst. He writes beautifully about his struggle to identify his own path with the guidance of Jung's theory of individuation, defined as “the lifelong project of becoming more nearly the whole person we were meant to be.” I read and re-read this book as I was struggling with my own path to meaning in midlife, and I found such comfort in his powerful belief that we all can tap into what we already know: the person we are most meant to be.You can listen to his beautiful description of his path here: https://amindofherown.substack.com/p/a-nameless-longing-when-your-soul?r=1wdz1l6. Shrill, by Lindy West (I also highly recommend the Hulu series by the same name, starring Aidy Bryant )“I am my body. When my body gets smaller, it is still me. When my body gets bigger, it is still me. There is not a thin woman inside me, awaiting excavation. I am one piece.”Thinking back on my training during medical school and beyond, I can summarize any lecture about body size with one phrase: overweight equals unhealthy. This repeated conflation means I now must consciously uncouple one from the other in my clinical work, stepping back from the broad and imprecise shorthand to consider how they are, and are not, actually related.Lindy West's book helped me significantly as I was trying to shift my thinking on this topic. Her frank depiction of life in her larger body was at times heartbreaking (especially in the doctor's office), frequently humorous (with chapter titles like “Are you there, Margaret? It's me, a person who is not a complete freak.”) and overall a powerful motivator for change. I think all health care providers should read it at least once.If this resonates, check out my interview with Dr. Mara Gordon all about the size-inclusive healthcare revolution. https://amindofherown.substack.com/p/the-size-inclusive-healthcare-revolution?utm_source=publication-search7. Words Are My Matter: Writings on Life and Books by Ursula K. Le Guin“Fiction offers the best means of understanding people different from oneself, short of experience. Actually, fiction can be lots better than experience, because it's a manageable size, it's comprehensible, while experience just steamrollers over you and you understand what happened decades later, if ever.”I grew up in a very small town in North Dakota, just a few miles from the South Dakota border. I didn't recognize the enormity of the sky above my childhood home until I returned as an adult, head tipped back, staring upward in awe. I grew up there with a loving family and a surrounding community willing to cheer me on in events from basketball games to theater performances, but I always felt a bit out of place. Reading became my reassurance that the world was as big as the sky overhead, and I would eventually find my own path. Books also helped me recognize the importance of placing myself in another's shoes, virtual empathy-building machines that taught me about those whose lives were so incredibly different from my own.This book of Ursula K. Le Guin's essays, poems and book reviews reveals a grounded, opinionated, brilliant woman who decided to create entire worlds with stunning clarity, illuminating the challenges existing in our own. Readers and writers alike will not be sorry for taking a moment to absorb her work.If this interests you, please feel free to listen to my short essay, Books are Empathy Machines.8. Intimations by Zadie Smith“Talking to yourself can be useful. And writing means being overheard.”This book by Zadie Smith, a collection of six essays, was published in 2020, and provides a glimpse into the author's life during the early months of the Covid-19 virus. I've long been an admirer of her fiction, but this series allowed a much more intimate window into her wandering mind, trying to comprehend her place in a society turned inside out with uncertainty and fear.What does it mean to be an artist when people are being categorized as “essential workers?” Is loyalty to a place something that can outlast a feeling of unique vulnerability? How can writing provide an outlet for survival when the world is so fraught? There was comfort in her struggle to understand and in her feeling of disorientation, which I certainly shared. I emerged from her writing feeling more hopeful and far less alone.If this essay resonated, please feel free to check out this podcast episode Hope is the Best Antidote for Demoralization with Dr. James L. Griffith, MD9. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi“We grow up believing that what counts most in our lives is that which will occur in the future…[however] since what we experience is reality, as far as we are concerned, we can transform reality to the extent that we influence what happens in consciousness and thus free ourselves from the threats and blandishments of the outside world.”My summary: We are always living for tomorrow, while life only happens right now, in our moment-by-moment experience, which we have the power to shape through our attention.You have likely heard of the concept of Flow, described by Dr. Csikszentmihalyi (here is a googled pronunciation: chik sent mee hai ee) as an optimal experience when a “person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” It is often referred to as being in a “flow state,” so immersed in a particular task that you lose track of time and are able to concentrate in a prolonged and highly satisfying way. He refers to our attention our “psychic energy.” Where we give our attention is quite literally how we experience our lives. This has never been more relevant, each of us tasked with creating our own protective filters from the onslaught of demands on our limited—because we're human—attention spans.This book is a revelation, with insights about the very nature of consciousness, what it means to be happy, and how we can infuse our lives with more pleasure. Flow can emerge in a wide variety of settings, whether it's while listening to or creating music, engaging in satisfying sex or consuming delicious foods. It may also occur when we are working on a challenging problem at the office, pushing past a confusing but compelling problem in school, or out solving problems in the world beyond. I've learned so much from his writing, and have absorbed his ideas which influence many of my own.If the concept of a flow and the quest for a meaningful life is of interest, check out my interview, “What Lights You Up?' with Dr. Jordan Grumet, palliative care physician and writer.10. Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief by Pauline Boss“In the case of ambiguous loss…complicated grieving can be a normal reaction to a complicated situation—the endless searching of a battlefield by the mother of a missing soldier; a stepchild's angry outbursts when his biological parent is totally excluded; a wife's depression and withdrawal because her husband has suffered a brain injury and is no longer himself.”I've found ambiguous loss to be such a powerful and surprisingly common experience in my psychiatry practice. This idea describes the unique suffering caused by uncertainty or a lack of resolution regarding a missing loved one. This could be psychological absence of someone still in our presence, such as when our loved one is struggling with dementia or severe mental illness, or the physical absence of those we still keep very much present in our psychological lives, including missing persons with unknown whereabouts.After first reading Ambiguous Loss, I reached out to Dr. Pauline Boss, now in her 90s, to thank her for her work and speak with her about this extremely helpful framework, which had a profound effect on me. She shared the origins of the research into this topic, begun with the families of pilots declared missing in action in Vietnam and Cambodia while she was at the Center of Prisoner of War Studies in the U.S. Naval Health Research Institute in San Diego. She spoke about interviewing the wives of these missing pilots and the intense pain caused by the ambiguity surrounding their husbands' whereabouts. This ongoing, often unresolvable grief can lead to depression, isolation, and ongoing family disruption, even generations later. By giving a name to this phenomenon, however, Pauline Boss has helped countless families begin to heal from the unimaginable and move forward into a more hopeful future.11. Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant? A Memoir by Roz Chast“After my father died, I noticed that all the things that had driven me bats about him—his chronic worrying, his incessant chitchat, his almost suspect inability to deal with anything mechanical—now seemed trivial. The only emotion that remained was one of deep affection and gratitude that he was my dad.”This is the first graphic novel on my list, but it certainly won't be the last. I've been a fan of Roz Chast for a long time, with her quirky but poignant New Yorker cartoons. This powerful memoir highlights something I've found particularly helpful in my work and personal life: difficult truths are much more palatable if we can pair them with humor. My family has always taken this approach, particularly my father, coping with some truly heartbreaking cases in the hospital with an off-color joke about bowel movements around the family dinner table. Humor is also considered one of the most mature psychological defense mechanisms we use to cope with stress or loss in our lives, so way to go, Dad!Roz shares with us a uniquely painful time in her life, as her parents age well into their 90s, experiencing the indignities of increasingly frail bodies and waning independence. She writes with brave candor about the exhausting and expensive path an adult child must walk when her parents can no longer care for themselves, and her conflicted feelings as she watches them slowly fade. Her cartoons throughout provide much-needed moments of levity, as well as a beautiful tribute to the lives of these important people. If you or a loved one is going through this painful, but common, journey, this book could provide some true comfort, and maybe even a laugh or two.12. Congratulations, By the Way: Some Thoughts on Kindness by George Saunders“Be a good and proactive and even somewhat desperate patient on your own behalf—seek out the most efficacious, anti-selfishness medicines, energetically, for the rest of your life. Find out what makes you kinder, what opens you up and brings out the most loving, generous, and unafraid version of you—and go after those things as if nothing else matters.Because, actually, nothing else does.”These words are part of a lovely convocation address George Saunders delivered to the graduating students of Syracuse University, where he is a professor of creative writing. Understandably, it resonated far beyond the campus, and speaks a truly important message for today's world.I should admit, I have a soft spot for George Saunders. I imagine I'm not alone in this. I saw him speak at a New Yorker Festival event several years ago and he did not disappoint: sharp as a tack while also being thoughtful and extremely humble. In addition, he was super funny, which made sense because he's the author of one of the most hilarious short stories I've ever read. In “Pastoralia,” two employees are assigned to a caveman diorama in a fading fun park. One of them, who takes his role incredibly seriously, frequently pretends to scan the horizon for large game and refuses to speak to his cave mate, using only grunts and body language to communicate. The other employee, a chain-smoking, mint-eating mother of a struggling adult child seems to be trying to just get through the day, breaking every rule of proper performance, much to her cave mate's dismay. The story is simply sublime.My dear friend, John, who trained with me in psychiatry residency and became one of my dearest friends, introduced me to this story, along with other memorable cultural experiences such as the show “Broad City” and referring to the bathroom as the “wazzer.” He died in 2020 after a battle with brain cancer, but his legacy lives on, especially in my plan to someday turn “Pastoralia” into a musical (his idea). After all, what better way to honor his memory? Miss you John, but thank you for all you taught me.Thanks for reading A Mind of Her Own! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and hear about upcoming episodes & book events.Find Dr. Reid on Instagram: @jenreidmd and LinkedInYou can also preorder her upcoming book, Guilt Free!Also check out Dr. Reid's regular contributions to Psychology Today: Think Like a Shrink.Seeking a mental health provider? Try Psychology TodayNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255Dial 988 for mental health crisis supportSAMHSA's National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357)-a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.Disclaimer:The views expressed on this podcast reflect those of the host and guests, and are not associated with any organization or academic site. Also, AI may have been used to create the transcript and notes, based only on the specific discussion of the host and guest and reviewed for accuracy.The information and other content provided on this podcast or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this website is for general information purposes only.If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that have read on this website, blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services (911) immediately. You can also access the National Suicide Help Line at 1-800-273-8255 or call 988 for mental health emergencies. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amindofherown.substack.com

In this first episode in a three part miniseries about ambiguous loss, Red Cross Red Crescent Movement Hub MHPSS Technical Advisor Arz Stephan engages in a thought-provoking interview with Dr. Pauline Boss, an esteemed research therapist and author. Dr. Boss is widely recognized as a pioneering figure in the field of ambiguous loss, a concept she introduced to describe the unique and often unresolved experienced when a loved one is missing, physically absent but emotionally present, or vice versa. Her groundbreaking work has shaped understanding and therapeutic approaches to loss, resilience, and coping in complex and uncertain situations.

What if the tapestry of your life was woven through constant change and cultural encounters? Join us for an insightful conversation with writer and poet Robert Lunday, who shares his journey of growing up as a military dependent and his impending move from Houston to the serene landscapes of Kyushu, Japan. Robert opens up about how his early experiences of frequent relocations fostered a deep curiosity and understanding of diverse cultures—skills that will surely aid him as he embraces a new beginning in Japan.Together, we navigate the sensitive subject of global disappearances, focusing on countries like Mexico, Japan, and the United States and the disappearance in 1982 of Robert's stepfather. Our discussion highlights the courage of grassroots efforts, often led by families, to find missing loved ones when official avenues fall short. From poignant artistic memorials by a Mexican shoemaker to the haunting tales of Indigenous communities, these stories underline the power of collective action and the profound impact of “missingness” on identity and community.As Robert prepares for his new, expat life in Japan, the conversation shifts to themes of cultural integration and adaptation. We explore the intriguing opportunities presented by Japan's abandoned homes and the unique challenges faced by expatriates in preserving these relics of rural history. Through the story of Robert's wife, Yukiko, and her equestrian pursuits, Robert reflects on the blend of tradition and innovation that defines life in rural Japan. Whether discussing societal norms or language barriers, Robert's insights promise to enrich your understanding of what it means to truly belong in a new place.Robert Lunday: https://robertlunday.com/Disequilibria: Meditations on Missingness by Robert LundayUniversity of New Mexico Press, 2023You can order Robert's latest book directly from his website: https://robertlunday.com/books/Chapters(00:03) Moving Along With Robert LundayRobert Lunday's childhood as a military dependent shaped his worldview, finding solace in libraries and adapting to new environments.(15:19) Studying Global Disappearances and ResponsesExploring disappearances in Mexico, Canada, Japan and the U.S., including law enforcement's role, grassroots efforts and the impact on Indigenous and Black communities.(22:07) Global Disappearances and Collective ActionIndigenous experiences, personal journeys, and collective support in navigating the complexities of missing loved ones.(27:46) Navigating Missing Persons Cases and SupportSocial media's impact on missing persons, personal experiences, verification, global research, and ambiguous loss.(42:19) Cultural Integration and New BeginningsAdapting to new environments, diversity in Houston classrooms, challenges of immigration, and the role of writing in processing experiences.(48:07) Exploring Japanese Culture and LanguageExploring Japanese culture and language, adapting as a foreigner, and considering societal norms and demographics with Robert's Japanese wife, Yukiko.(55:43) Japanese Abandoned Homes and Expatriate LifeAbandoned homes in rural Japan are being purchased by non-Japanese for vacation purposes, while cultural practices like horse sashimi and waste disposal are also discussed. CREDITSHost and creator: Christi CassidyContact: christi@movingalongpodcast.comArtwork by Phyllis BusellMusic by Eve's Blue. Show notes written with assistance from https://podium.page. LINKS:More information and to listen to past episodes: https://movingalongpodcast.comPast episodes are here too: https://moving-along.simplecast.com/Tag and like Moving Along episodes on Facebook and Instagram!

For years, Kim Moy cared for her kids and husband, while helping to care for her parents – an experience she describes as being in a “pressure cooker.” Being a caregiver to any loved one can be emotionally draining, but caring for a spouse can be a whole new level of lonely. In our final conversation of the season, Kim talks about the tradeoffs of being a spousal caregiver, grieving the loss of someone who's still there, and how she's learned to let go of the way things used to be.  Kim Moy's Caregiver Wisdom offers resources and workshops for those who take care of loved ones with chronic debilitating illnesses. Learn about the monthly support group, workshops, and one-on-one coaching here.  Dr. Pauline Boss coined the term ambiguous loss, which Kim talks about in the episode. Learn more about ambiguous loss and Dr. Boss at ambiguousloss.com.  This season of Uncared For is presented by the Commonwealth Fund, a nonprofit foundation making grants to promote an equitable, high-performing health care system. Help others find our show by leaving us a rating and writing a review. Follow SuChin Pak on Instagram @SuchinPak and Lemonada at @lemonadamedia across all social platforms. Want to become a Lemonada superfan? Join us at joinsubtext.com/lemonadasuperfan.   Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this and all other Lemonada series: lemonadamedia.com/sponsors. To follow along with a transcript, go to lemonadamedia.com/show/ shortly after the air date. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do we lose when we're not allowed to be angry?    In a lot of ways, anger is more taboo than grief. They're deeply related, as you'll hear in this two-part episode: both grief and anger are considered “negative” emotions, things you shouldn't feel, and definitely shouldn't express in polite company. But what if reclaiming our anger was the way to build the world - and the relationships - we most want? All of that and more with the best selling author of Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly.    In this two-part episode we cover:    What is the right amount of anger? Why deciding some emotions are “good” and some are “bad” isn't really helpful  What would “anger competence” or “anger literacy” look like? (and why would you want that??)  Why Soraya says “most grief is ambiguous grief” How the old split between the head (logic) and the heart (emotion) cuts us off from what we most want Finding your best community by embracing your anger   We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons. This episode was originally recorded in 2023.   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   About our guest: Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning writer and activist whose work focuses on the role of gender in culture, politics, religion, and media. She is the Director of the Women's Media Center Speech Project and an advocate for women's freedom of expression and expanded civic and political engagement. A prolific writer and speaker, her articles appear in TIME, The Verge, The Guardian, The Nation, HuffPost, and The Atlantic. Find her best selling book, Rage Becomes Her at sorayachemaly.com. Follow her on social media @sorayachemaly   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today's leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don't call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It's Ok that You're Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional Resources: We mention Pauline Boss in this episode. If you're not familiar with her excellent work on ambiguous loss (a term she coined in the 1970s), check out her website at ambiguousloss.com   To read more about anger and how it relates to grief, check out It's OK that You're Not OK.   If you want to explore your anger with creative prompts and exercises, check out the guided journal for grief, How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed.    Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do we lose when we're not allowed to be angry?    In a lot of ways, anger is more taboo than grief. They're deeply related, as you'll hear in this two-part episode: both grief and anger are considered “negative” emotions, things you shouldn't feel, and definitely shouldn't express in polite company. But what if reclaiming our anger was the way to build the world - and the relationships - we most want? All of that and more with the best selling author of Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly.    In this two-part episode we cover:    What is the right amount of anger? Why deciding some emotions are “good” and some are “bad” isn't really helpful  What would “anger competence” or “anger literacy” look like? (and why would you want that??)  Why Soraya says “most grief is ambiguous grief” How the old split between the head (logic) and the heart (emotion) cuts us off from what we most want Finding your best community by embracing your anger   We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons. This episode was originally recorded in 2023.   Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.   About our guest: Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning writer and activist whose work focuses on the role of gender in culture, politics, religion, and media. She is the Director of the Women's Media Center Speech Project and an advocate for women's freedom of expression and expanded civic and political engagement. A prolific writer and speaker, her articles appear in TIME, The Verge, The Guardian, The Nation, HuffPost, and The Atlantic. Find her best selling book, Rage Becomes Her at sorayachemaly.com. Follow her on social media @sorayachemaly   About Megan:  Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today's leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don't call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It's Ok that You're Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief   Additional Resources: We mention Pauline Boss in this episode. If you're not familiar with her excellent work on ambiguous loss (a term she coined in the 1970s), check out her website at ambiguousloss.com   To read more about anger and how it relates to grief, check out It's OK that You're Not OK.   If you want to explore your anger with creative prompts and exercises, check out the guided journal for grief, How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed.    Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here.    Books and resources may contain affiliate links.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode we cover a particular type of grief common when loving an addicted person called ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is a profound sense of loss and sadness that does not stem from the death of a loved one. It may arise from a lack of emotional connection despite someone's physical presence, or conversely, the persistence of emotional ties in the absence of physical closeness. This type of loss leads individuals on a quest for answers, complicating and prolonging the grieving process, often leaving grief unresolved. The standard 5-step process of grief is not always applicable to partners and spouses of alcoholics and addicts and you've probably felt this before when reading about grief. You know you're grieving, but the literature isn't adding up. We take some time to talk about why. We take a deep dive into the work of Dr. Pauline Boss and her pioneering of ambiguous loss and how to develop resiliency to get through it. Articles and Study Referenced in Episode:Ambiguous Loss: A Complicated Type of Grief When Loved Ones Disappear (PDF)Resilience in Ambiguous Loss - American Journal of PsychotherapyThe Ambiguous Loss of Loving an Addict and Letting Them Go (Psychology Today)Craving love? Enduring Grief Activates Brain's Reward Center (Study)Find video clips and full length video from this episode on YouTube and our other social media pages!On the web:www.twfo.comOnline Course: www.independentlystrong.comUse code WHEELIES75 for 75% off the entire course!Follow us on TikTok:https://tiktok.com/@twfo_coupleFollow us on Instagram:https://instagram.com/twfo_couple/Follow us on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/TWFOCoupleFollow us on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@twfo_coupleFind Taylor Counseling Group:https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/Donate to Counseling for the Future Foundation:Donate Here

In this episode, Dr. Pauline Boss, esteemed scientist practitioner who coined the term 'Ambiguous Loss,' discusses the meaning of Ambiguous Loss and how it differs from other losses. Drawing upon powerful examples, Dr. Boss discusses physical ambiguous loss and psychological ambiguous loss due to dementia from disease, brain injury etc. She clarifies that Ambiguous Loss is not a result of pathology, but rather the ambiguity of the circumstances of loss. Using examples like the families of 9-11 she describes the understandable impact on a family when a parent is gone but loss cannot be substantiated. With the aim of building resilience rather than pathologizing, Dr. Boss discusses the Psychological Family, the Family Narrative and the ability to engage Dialectical Thinking - 'my husband is both absent and present in our hearts and minds.' Dr. Boss references Victor Frankel's Importance Of Finding Meaning, Adjusting Mastery Up Or Down and discovering 'New Hope' by risking change.

In this episode, Dr. Pauline Boss, esteemed scientist practitioner who coined the term 'Ambiguous Loss,' discusses the meaning of Ambiguous Loss and how it differs from other losses. Drawing upon powerful examples, Dr. Boss discusses physical ambiguous loss and psychological ambiguous loss due to dementia from disease, brain injury etc. She clarifies that Ambiguous Loss is not a result of pathology, but rather the ambiguity of the circumstances of loss. Using examples like the families of 9-11 she describes the understandable impact on a family when a parent is gone but loss cannot be substantiated. With the aim of building resilience rather than pathologizing, Dr. Boss discusses the Psychological Family, the Family Narrative and the ability to engage Dialectical Thinking - 'my husband is both absent and present in our hearts and minds.' Dr. Boss references Victor Frankel's Importance Of Finding Meaning, Adjusting Mastery Up Or Down and discovering 'New Hope' by risking change.

What is ambiguous loss and where does it show up in our relationships? Ambiguous loss is a term that was developed by Pauline Boss who is a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management.

In this episode of The Calling Home podcast, host Whitney Goodman discusses the concept of ambiguous loss, a term coined by researcher Pauline Boss in the 1970s. This type of loss refers to grief that has no definitive boundary or closure, such as the loss of a loved one who is physically absent but still present in thoughts, or a loved one who is physically present but emotionally absent. Goodman provides advice on how to grieve this type of loss, including giving oneself permission to grieve, finding people who understand the situation, and being open to having a different type of relationship with the person.  Join Whitney's Family Cycle Breakers Club for further support and discussion on family dynamics at CallingHome.co. Follow the Calling Home community on Instagram or TikTok.  Follow Whitney Goodman on Instagram or TikTok.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi Friends,Wow! Do we have a season for you! Our theme is “Facing Reality Claiming Leadership,” drawing from Meg Wheatley's work. We dropped a teaser episode with Dr. Wheatley in November, and it has certainly stirred conversation (ICYMI, listen here)! Over the next few weeks, you'll hear conversations with leaders across disciplines who offer insights on our current reality and lean into what it means to claim leadership in this environment. I can't wait to share them with you!We start with Dr. Pauline Boss, author of Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, and I found her to be hope-filled, encouraging, validating, and motivating. Somehow, her insights manage to be both practical and weighty.She reminds us that we live in a mastery culture – that is, we want to be in control, have the answers, and win – which is, of course, a myth, so we are a nation (yes, a whole nation!) of unresolved grief, needing to name our profound sense of loss in the face of so much uncertainty. Wow! Think about the implications for the church – the essential role we can play in stewarding grief today, navigating uncertainty, residing in hope. We are made for this! We are a people formed in the wilderness and inhabiting a story of life-death-resurrection. This is our witness to the world!This conversation feels like holy ground to me. I hope it ignites a new imagination for your leadership, your relationships, your way of being in the world. By the grace of God, may it be so!LisaShow NotesThis conversation with Dr. Pauline Boss, author of Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, is hope-filled, encouraging, validating, and motivating. Her insights manage to be both practical and weighty. She reminds us that we live in a mastery culture – that is, we want to be in control, have the answers, and win – which is, of course, a myth, so we are a nation (yes, a whole nation!) of unresolved grief, needing to name our profound sense of loss in the face of so much uncertainty. Wow! Think about the implications for the church – the essential role we can play in stewarding grief today, navigating uncertainty, residing in hope. This conversation feels like holy ground. We hope it ignites a new imagination for your leadership, your relationships, your way of being in the world. In this conversation, you'll hear:How Dr. Boss came to coin the term “ambiguous loss” Loss vs. Grief in our culture Learning to sit with loss and unanswered questionsAmbiguous loss in congregations / leading congregations to grieve ambiguous lossWhy closure is a myth and what that means for how we live and leadAbout Dr. Pauline BossPauline Boss, PhD, Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota is a Fellow in the American Psychological Association and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and a former president of the National Council on Family Relations. She practiced family therapy for over 40 years. With her groundbreaking work in research and practice, Dr. Boss coined the term ambiguous loss in the 1970s and since then, developed and tested the theory of ambiguous loss, a guide for working with families of the missing, physically or psychologically. She summarized this research and clinical work in her widely acclaimed book Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief (Harvard...

Emerson's transformational and prescient wisdom addresses the current and pressing needs of the world today. He encourages us to pay attention to our angle of vision because it is the first step toward self-awareness and will aid us in separating truth from falsehood. He guides us with inclusive thinking rather than the limitations of binary, either/or thinking.Mark Matousek is a teacher, spiritual seeker and award-winning author of many books. He leads transformative workshops, intensives, and guided writing sessions that mentor participants to reach their artistic and personal goals by using writing as a tool for insight, innovation, and clarity of purpose. He's the founder of the Seekers Forum, an online community for self-inquiry. His books include: Sex Death Enlightenment: A True Story (Riverhead 2000), The Boy He Left Behind: A Man's Search for His Lost Father (Riverhead 1997), When You're Falling, Dive: Lessons in the Art of Living (Bloomsbury 2009), Ethical Wisdom: The Search for a Moral Life (Anchor Books 2011), Writing to Awaken: A Journey of Truth, Transformation, and Self-Discovery (Reveal Press 2017) and Lessons from an American Stoic: How Emerson Can Change Your Life (HarperOne 2023)Interview Date: 10/24/2023 Tags: Mark Matousek, transcendentalism, transcendentalist, self-reliance, ecstasy, materialism, rationality, Stoicism, Stoics, implicit bias, Pauline Boss, Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Christ, Buddha, Jesus, Bhagavad Gita, Henry David Thoreau, Advaita Vedanta, nondualism, pantheism, Personal Transformation, Philosophy, History, Social Change/Politics

**TRIGGER WARNING** This episode covers sensitive subject matter and is not suitable for all listeners. If this topic could be a trigger for you, listen to this episode with a friend, a sibling, a loved one or a parent so you can talk about any emotions that come up for you. The contents of this episode are not intended to replace therapy and should not be taken as such. If you need immediate help, please call the crisis hotline listed below in our resources.   Welcome to Rock Your Shine: After you've been cracked wide open. On this show, I sit down with people from all over the world to hear their transformational stories on their deep grief and loss journeys.    Have you heard of the term ‘Ambiguous Loss'?   Dr. Pauline Boss coined this term in the 1970s. Today, the term is used in professional discourse as well as in the general public and arts communities.   In her new book, she asks, “How do we begin to cope with loss that cannot be resolved?” Which is what we're speaking about in this conversation.   Pauline Boss, PhD, is emeritus professor at University of Minnesota. She is known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management. Dr. Boss is the author of Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss in addition to The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change.  Listen in as we talk about: [2:00] The definition of Ambiguous Loss [7:15] How to live with deep trauma and ambiguous loss [12:15] How to hold space for people who have experienced ambiguous loss [16:00] The difference between sadness and depression [34:50] Tips to manage the stress after loss [41:40] An excerpt from Dr. Boss' book [43:30] How to become more present with our loved ones   Resources mentioned in this episode: Rock On: Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Sibling Grief by Susan E. Casey Books written by Dr. Boss   Grief Hotline:  https://www.griefresourcenetwork.com/crisis-center/hotlines/    Connect with Dr. Boss here: https://www.ambiguousloss.com  Connect with Susan http://instagram.com/susan.casey/  https://www.facebook.com/Susan-E-Casey-101187148084982  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDcl58l8qUwO3dDYk83wOFA  https://rockyourshine.com/   

During some of our most difficult moments, genetic counselors can help us make critical decisions about our health and the future of our family members.  Join Jennifer Reid, MD as she learns all about genetic counseling from Laynie Dratch, ScM, Certified Genetic counselor.  Discussed in this Episode:1) How does the "counseling" part of genetic counseling work?2) Why is Laynie so concerned about the increase in direct-to-consumer genetics testing like 23 and Me?3) How does she help individuals through the identity challenges when they learn about genetic risks?4) What gives her hope in the field of neurological genetics?References from EpisodeAmbiguous Loss with Pauline Boss, Ph.D. https://www.ambiguousloss.com/Jehannine C. Austin on Polygenic Risks in Psychiatric Disorders https://medgen.med.ubc.ca/jehannine-austin/Penn Frontotemporal Dementia Center https://pennftdcenter.wordpress.com/Laynie Dratch, ScM CGC is a board-certified genetic counselor for the Penn Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD) Center and Penn Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) Center in the Department of Neurology at the University of Pennsylvania. Her research interests include the lived experiences of individuals at risk of developing ALS/FTD spectrum disorders, and genetic counseling access and service delivery. Laynie completed her master's in genetic counseling at the Johns Hopkins University / National Institutes of Health genetic counseling training program and completed her undergraduate studies at Colgate University where she graduated summa cum laude with a BA in neuroscience and a minor in psychology.Jennifer Reid, MD: thereflectivedoc.comSeeking a mental health provider? Try Psychology TodayNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255SAMHSA's National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357)Dial 988 for Mental Health EmergencyThoughts and opinions expressed on show are those of host and guests, and not associated with any academic institution.Disclaimer:The information and other content provided on this podcast or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this website is for general information purposes only.If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that have read on this website, blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services (911) immediately. You can also access the National Suicide Help Line at 1-800-273-8255The Reflective DocWebsite - Instagram - Facebook - Linked In - Twitter - Think Like a Shrink Blog on Psychology Today

Grab a cup of tea, a notebook, a pen, and a quiet spot, for today you and I have the chance to sit down with a legend. Dr. Pauline Boss coined the term Ambiguous Loss as part of her thesis in the 1970s and has pursued and expanded its definition and treatment ever since. At 89 years old she is still writing, still learning, and as we get into in this talk, has seen quite a large amount of trends come and go in society and in the way we parent, teach, and treat. We discuss all different kinds of ambiguous loss including identity change, loss of a relative to dementia, and those who go missing and are never found. We also talk about the COVID-19 pandemic and the losses we are still suffering as a world community. I have never been so honored and so touched to have a guest make time for me. I hope you enjoy this one as much as I do. Pauline Boss, PhD, Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota is a Fellow in the American Psychological Association and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and a former president of the National Council on Family Relations. She practiced family therapy for over 40 years. With her groundbreaking work in research and practice, Dr. Boss coined the term ambiguous loss in the 1970s and since then, developed and tested the theory of ambiguous loss, a guide for working with families of the missing, physically or psychologically. She summarized this research and clinical work in her widely acclaimed book Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief (Harvard University Press, 2000). In addition to over 100 peer reviewed academic articles and chapters, her other books include Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss (W. W. Norton, 2006) and Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress and Grief (Jossey-Bass, 2011). Her most recent book is The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change (W. W. Norton, 2022). Her work is known around the world wherever ambiguous losses occur, and thus her books are now available in 18 different languages. For more information about Dr. Boss, her writings, and the ambiguous loss online training program, see www.ambiguousloss.com. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your support is deeply appreciated! Find me, Lara, on my Website / Instagram You can support this podcast with any level of donation here. Order The Essential Guide to Trauma Sensitive Yoga: How to Create Safer Spaces for All Opening and Closing music: Other People's Photographs courtesy of Daniel Zaitchik. Follow Daniel on Spotify.

In this episode, Kristen talks with Dr. Pauline Boss, an educator and author, to explore the concept of ambiguous loss and its profound impact on individuals and families. They discuss practical ways to deal with this kind of grief, drawing from Dr. Pauline's expertise. This conversation offers valuable insights for anyone facing the challenges of uncertain loss. www.ambiguousloss.com   Subscribe and get a free 5-day journal at www.kristendboice.com to begin closing the chapter on what doesn't serve you and open the door to the real you. This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about ideas on stress management and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not psychotherapy/counseling in any form. This information is to be used at your own risk based on your own judgment.  For my full Disclaimer please go to www.kristendboice.com. For counseling services near Indianapolis, IN, visit www.pathwaystohealingcounseling.com. Pathways to Healing Counseling's vision is to provide warm, caring, compassionate and life-changing counseling services and educational programs to individuals, couples and families in order to create learning, healing and growth.        

I never saw it coming -the cataclysmic argument that triggered my adult son to estrange me three years ago. I might never see it end -the suffering of ambiguous loss of the relationship without closure. Coined by family therapist Pauline Boss, Ph.D., 40 years ago, ambiguous loss refers to unresolved physical or emotional loss or the loss of a relationship with no closure. Unresolved closure might involve a physical loss with a psychological presence when a loved one's absence is unknown, uncertain, or unresolved. Likewise, a loved one might be physically present but psychologically absent because of dementia, traumatic brain injury, addiction, or mental illness. Ambiguous loss refers to unresolved physical or emotional loss or the loss of a relationship with no closure. So, too, the ambiguous loss may encompass physical and emotional loss because of divorce, adoption, estrangement, incarceration, immigration, or ghosting. Such loss is especially grievous around the loss of a fulfilling long-term relationship. Such is my circumstance. Ambiguous Loss by Estrangement Three years after the meltdown with my 34-year-old son, an occasional flicker of hope for contact, connection, and reconciliation still moves me to reach out. But sadly, my text messages and phone calls go unreturned. My invitations for meet-ups go unacknowledged. And his once frequent reach outs to check in on me, his mother who raised him as a single parent, are but a distant memory. No matter the circumstance, the interminable suffering of ambiguous loss defies resolution, creates long-term uncertainty about the relationship, and freezes the grief process, according to Boss. Yet, unlike death, whereby mourners receive confirmation of the loss and support through funerals, burials, and gatherings, none exist for unresolved loss. So often, we who experience estrangement never see it coming. Only after a prolonged silence, separation, and isolation do we realize the exquisitely painful loss of the cherished relationship we once knew. Hence, like an unsuspecting moth captured in a jar, we find ourselves trapped in the suffocating reality of ambiguous loss. We see our human swarm living interconnected lives, oblivious to the invisible suffering separating our reality from theirs.  In numbness and shock, we expend untold energy attempting to escape the misery of separation. In yearning to restore the relationship, we resort to “bargaining” -with our Creator, ourselves, and the aggrieved party. In anger, we deny, deflect, defend, and dismiss our role in the conflict. Finally, in anguish, we deplete our mental, emotional, and spiritual reserves for coping and thus descend into hopelessness and despair. Alas! Like the entrapped moth, whose spirit succumbs to the oxygen-depletion, the light of our being fades in the reality of the depleted relationship – the “oxygen” that once breathed life, love, and interconnection into our hearts.  How can we move forward amidst the interminable torment of estrangement by a parent, child, or partner with whom we once shared a fulfilling relationship? I offer some insight based on my experience of ambiguous loss by estrangement. Moving forward Hold yourself in loving self-kindness Your loss is real, and your grief is bottomless. Whether you recognize what caused the shift or have no clue, berating yourself over what you could've, should, or might've done is moot.  As the reality of the estrangement sets in, you may experience recurring bouts of guilt, shame, ignorance, naivete, anguish, anger, sadness, despair, worry, yearning, and a host of other complicated feelings. The overwhelm of such feelings, especially when repressed, suppressed, dismissed, or denied over time, can derail your emotional mettle for coping. Carve out a set amount of time daily to meditate and sit with your feelings in nonjudgmental, loving self-kindness. Forgive your loved one Every human being is flawed, fragile, broken, and wounded. The person who estranged you may have issues of which you are unaware, and they may not have the emotional capacity for the relationship they once shared with you.  Likewise, they may not have the emotional intelligence or maturity to confront you about their grievance. The person may not recognize their lack of emotional capacity or maturity. Thus, they see estrangement as their only protective defense mechanism. Forgive your loved one in your heart and in your prayers. Forgive them when gazing at their picture, and forgive them when remembering the joyful moments of your relationship. Forgiveness might not heal the estranged, but it can heal us who suffer the estrangement. So, too, recognize that your loved one may suffer similar complicated feelings about ending the relationship without closure. Forgive yourself You are human. Whether it was a series of micro-hurts, a cataclysmic circumstance, or an unknown rift that shifted the relationship, forgive yourself. You had needs that, for whatever reason, you could not express, or the other person could not meet, or vice versa. It takes two persons to nourish a relationship and two to make it wither.  Indeed, you may never know what drove your loved one to choose estrangement over relationship. Forgiving yourself is the first step in arriving at some degree of acceptance and peace in processing concomitant grief of ambiguous loss. Seek community Seek community with others who live with ambiguous loss by estrangement. Like the moth trapped in the jar, we who suffer alienation sadly so often do so in isolation, amplifying the loss of our human interconnections. Move toward the light As the shock of estrangement wanes, gently and with great self-compassion, begin looking at the parts of yourself that reflect your authentic essence and those that no longer reflect who you are. Direct your focus to nurture the best parts about yourself and aim to surrender those that no longer serve you.  And so, as you live in the reality of ambiguous grief, may you once again find the light of your being through healing, community, and the “oxygen” of new human interconnections. Quotes to consider I am a stranger in this world, and there is a severe solitude and painful lonesomeness in my exile. Kahlil Gibran, The Treasured Writings of Kahlil Gibran It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being. John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love To be soul broken is to be filled with anguish that is brought on by the loss of our love, our relationship, and ourselves, and, often it is void of validation. If you know this pain, my deepest sympathies to you, not only for your loss but for how you've been hurting. Stephanie Sarazin, Soulbroken: A Guidebook for Your Journey Through Ambiguous Grief Exile is strangely compelling to think about but terrible to experience. It is the unhealable rift forced between a human being and a native place, between the self and its true home: its essential sadness can never be surmounted. And while it is true that literature and history contain heroic, romantic, glorious, even triumphant episodes in an exile's life, these are no more than efforts meant to overcome the crippling sorrow of estrangement. Edward W. Said, Reflections on Exile and Other Essays I'm afraid your memories of me are unfair. A.A. Patawaran, Manila Was A Long Time Ago – Official I intentionally hold the opposing ideas of absence and presence because I have learned that most relationships are indeed both. Pauline Boss, Ph.D. The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change Questions to answer Ambiguous loss can encompass other types of loss beyond relationships. Have you experienced ambiguous loss around unrealized hopes, dreams, goals, or disappointments, such as the unexpected loss of a job, health, career, home, lifestyle, stage of life, or group of friends? Did you feel isolated in that no one seemed to notice or understand the depth of your grief? Have you ended a relationship without offering the other person an opportunity for closure? Over time, have you considered how the other person has processed the unresolved closure and how you have processed (or not processed) the loss of the relationship? Have you considered reconciling with the estranged person directly or indirectly (i.e., through a letter or third party)? What might be your hesitancy or fear?   Guest Blogger Bio: Peggy M. Phillips is an author writing in the Christian Fiction-Metaphysical genre. Peggy debuted her first work of fiction in November 2022 with the poignant and powerful epistolary novella, “Letters to the Little Flower The Gift of Spiritual Companionship with St. Therese of Lisieux.” Born in Wichita, KS, United States, Peggy grew up in a large Catholic family in a small Kansas town. A Registered Nurse who works in mental health services, Peggy enjoys hiking the beautiful nature trails of Kansas and spending time with her family.    Resources: https://www.ambiguousloss.com/resources/   https://whatsyourgrief.com/   Photo by Milo Bauman on Unsplash Further reading Read this further here FOLLOW ME! Email me: barry@turningthepage.co.nz Website: https://turningthepage.co.nz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatime Twitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barry_pearman/ Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/ Support Turning the Page with a Donation https://turningthepage.co.nz/give/

Emma Nadler is a psychotherapist–a Licensed professional clincal counselor. I have a private practice for adults that is focused on relationships, assertiveness, perinatal mental health (including postpartum adjustment), & life transitions. In todays episode, Lindsey and Emma discuss ways to cope with a significant diagnosis for your child, parenting medically complex children, coping as a caregiver and a parent, and  ways to be creative as a parent during difficult times. Emma shares about the her personal experiences and how her journey led her to write a memoir, The Unlikely Village of Eden.UPDATE-In the episode the book launch is discussed as taking place  on Friday, April 28th 7PM, this is no longer correct. Please disregard the date and time mentioned in the podcast.The book launch for The Unlikely Village of Eden is now happening on Sunday, May 7th at 5pm at Magers & Quinn in conversation with Rabbi Marcia Zimmeran. It's free but you must preregister. She would love to see you there!Emma shares a variety of resources on the podcast, including, Dr Pauline Boss's work on ambigous loss - her website ambigousloss.com provides a roadmap for healing.Stay connected to Emma - emmanadler.com or follow her at @emmanadllerwritesPLEASE NOTE:Listening to this podcast in no way creates a client/therapist relationship with Emma Nadler or PPSM. No legal, counseling, or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. If you are having a mental health emergency, please contact 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also text or call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Support the show

The pandemic has made it common for people to have endured extraordinarily difficult circumstances and lost something or someone dear to them. Without any sense of closure, that can be hard to deal with. University of Minnesota Professor emeritus Pauline Boss is an expert in family stress. She coined the term “ambiguous loss” in the 1970s. These are losses that leave people without a clear understanding of the ‘why' behind the loss or much emotional closure. Ambiguous loss describes the kind of unresolvable grief many of us feel or have felt during the pandemic. Pauline Boss wrote a book about this during the height of the pandemic. It's called The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change. Pauline Boss joined Cathy to reflect on the last three years of loss and change due to the pandemic.

We all experience grief and loss in life, whether it's the death of a loved one, the breakup of a romantic relationship, loss of a job or something else. On this episode, we explore what's involved in dealing with the losses we've experienced as a result of the pandemic. Joining us is psychologist and grief expert Dr. Pauline Boss, whose latest book is called, "THE MYTH OF CLOSURE: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change".  Her website is https://www.ambiguousloss.com/   We're excited to tell you about another great product from our sponsor, Ritual.  It's called Synbiotic+ and it's a daily 3-in-1 clinically-studied prebiotic, probiotic, and postbiotic designed to help support a balanced gut microbiome.  Ritual's Synbiotic+ provides two of the world's most clinically studied probiotic strains to support the relief of mild and occasional digestive discomforts, like bloating, gas, and diarrhea.  Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide, your insides. It's time to listen to your gut!  Ritual is offering our Nobody Told Me! listeners 10% off during your first 3 months.  Visit ritual.com/NTM to start Ritual or add Synbiotic+ to your subscription today.

In Part Two of their series on spectacular death, Ellie and Carrie speak with sisters Jessica and Leila Murphy, who lost their father Brian in the North Tower of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.  He was 41 years old, Jessica 5 and Leila almost 4. Since that terrible day, Jessica and Leila have had to grow up not only without a father but also with the complexities that come with losing him in the attacks.   From their inability to grieve privately to the invocation of their father's name to justify two wars and countless acts of violence, Jessica and Leila have struggled with the meaning and responsibilities of victimhood. Now 26 and 25, they are part of 9/11 Families for Peaceful Tomorrows, which advocates nonviolent options in pursuit of justice, including closing the prison at Guantanamo Bay.We discuss Leila's 2021 piece in The Nation “I Lost My Father on 9/11, but I Never Wanted to Be a ‘Victim,'” Jessica's 2019 essay in The Indy, “Among the Iguanas: On life and the pursuit of death in Guantánamo Bay,” and a 2003 Brown Alumni Magazine profile on their mother Judy Bram Murphy's widowhood.  The sisters also offer thoughtful insight into successes and shortcomings of the 9/11 Memorial & Museum as a force of public instruction.Other works cited are “The Aesthetics of Absence” by Marita Sturken, Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss, The Land of Open Graves by Jason De León, Julia Rodriguez's 2017 op-ed for the New York Times “Guantanamo Is Delaying Justice for 9/11 Families,” Rachel Kushner's 2019 feature on Ruth Wilson Gilmore and prison abolition for the New York Times, The Ten-Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer, and My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh. Films mentioned are World Trade Center (2006), United 93 (2006), The Mauritanian (2021), and The Report (2019).

What do we lose when we're not allowed to be angry?    In a lot of ways, anger is more taboo than grief. They're deeply related, as you'll hear in this two-part episode: both grief and anger are considered “negative” emotions, things you shouldn't feel, and definitely shouldn't express in polite company. But what if reclaiming our anger was the way to build the world - and the relationships - we most want? All of that and more with the best selling author of Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly.    In this two-part episode we cover:    What is the right amount of anger? Why deciding some emotions are “good” and some are “bad” isn't really helpful  What would “anger competence” or “anger literacy” look like? (and why would you want that??)  Why Soraya says “most grief is ambiguous grief” Is anger the most social emotion? How the old split between the head (logic) and the heart (emotion) cuts us off from what we most want Finding your best community by embracing your anger   About our guest:   Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning writer and activist whose work focuses on the role of gender in culture, politics, religion, and media. She is the Director of the Women's Media Center Speech Project and an advocate for women's freedom of expression and expanded civic and political engagement. A prolific writer and speaker, her articles appear in Time, the Verge, The Guardian, The Nation, HuffPost, and The Atlantic. Find her best selling book, Rage Becomes Her at sorayachemaly.com. Follow her on social media @sorayachemaly Additional resources   We mention Pauline Boss in this episode. If you're not familiar with her excellent work on ambiguous loss (a term she coined in the 1970s), check out her website at ambiguousloss.com   To read more about anger and how it relates to grief, check out It's OK that You're Not OK. If you want to explore your anger with creative prompts and exercises, check out the guided journal for grief, How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed.    Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can't be made right.   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan's best-selling books - It's Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can't Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do we lose when we're not allowed to be angry?    In a lot of ways, anger is more taboo than grief. They're deeply related, as you'll hear in this two-part episode: both grief and anger are considered “negative” emotions, things you shouldn't feel, and definitely shouldn't express in polite company. But what if reclaiming our anger was the way to build the world - and the relationships - we most want? All of that and more with the best selling author of Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly.    In this two-part episode we cover:    What is the right amount of anger? Why deciding some emotions are “good” and some are “bad” isn't really helpful  What would “anger competence” or “anger literacy” look like? (and why would you want that??)  Why Soraya says “most grief is ambiguous grief” Is anger the most social emotion? How the old split between the head (logic) and the heart (emotion) cuts us off from what we most want Finding your best community by embracing your anger   About our guest:   Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning writer and activist whose work focuses on the role of gender in culture, politics, religion, and media. She is the Director of the Women's Media Center Speech Project and an advocate for women's freedom of expression and expanded civic and political engagement. A prolific writer and speaker, her articles appear in Time, the Verge, The Guardian, The Nation, HuffPost, and The Atlantic. Find her best selling book, Rage Becomes Her at sorayachemaly.com. Follow her on social media @sorayachemaly Additional resources   We mention Pauline Boss in this episode. If you're not familiar with her excellent work on ambiguous loss (a term she coined in the 1970s), check out her website at ambiguousloss.com   To read more about anger and how it relates to grief, check out It's OK that You're Not OK. If you want to explore your anger with creative prompts and exercises, check out the guided journal for grief, How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed.    Get in touch:   Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can't be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you'd like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan's best-selling books - It's Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can't Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Pauline Boss is a clinician, educator, and principal theorist on the concept of ambiguous loss. In this episode, Pauline talks about her research, work with grieving communities, and how we are all impacted by ambiguous loss. This experience can be defined by the way we handle major life transitions, psychological loss, or unfulfilled expectations. Dr. Boss delves into the lack of attention grief receives in educational realms, due to our culture's fear and rejection of pain, along with the myth of closure. Finally, she discusses how she hopes her body of work impacts future clinicians and the way our culture handles the nuances of loss.

Guest Info/Bio: This week we speak with Dr. Pauline Boss. Pauline is an educator and researcher who is widely recognized for her groundbreaking research on what is now known as the theory of ambiguous loss. All losses are touched with ambiguity. Yet, Dr. Boss's research and practice have revealed that those who suffer ambiguous loss, losses without finality or resolution, bear a particular and challenging burden. Whether it is the experience of caring for a parent who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease, or waiting to learn the fate of a spouse or family member who has disappeared in a disastrous event like 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina, the experience of loss is magnified and is more significantly challenging to overcome because the loss is linked to a lack of closure. People who experience and live with an ambiguous loss find it hard to understand their situation, difficult to cope and almost impossible to move ahead with their lives without professional counseling, love and support. Since 1973, Dr. Boss has studied ambiguous loss, and trained and worked with psychologists and counselors to help individuals and families who have experienced a life-altering ambiguous loss, often described as a frozen grief, recover their resiliency despite the on-going ambiguity. Drawing on her research and clinical experience, Dr. Boss is committed to working with families to develop meaningful strategies that help them cushion the pain, cope with ambiguous loss and move forward to live productive lives. Pauline Boss received her Ph.D. in Child Development and Family Studies from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 1975. From 1975 to 1981, Dr. Boss was an assistant and then associate professor with tenure at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In 1981, she joined the Department of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota and continued to work in that position until 2005. In 1995-96, Dr. Boss was appointed Visiting Professor at the Harvard Medical School, and in 2004-2005, she was the Moses Distinguished Professor at the Hunter School of Social Work in New York City.(Selected) Guest Publications: Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief; Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope while Coping with Stress and Grief; Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work With Ambiguous LossGuest Website/Social Media:www.ambiguousloss.comTheme Music by: Forrest Clay “This Water I am Treading & You Must Go” found on the brand new EP, Recover.You can find Forrest Clay's music on iTunes, Apple Music, Spotify, YouTube, or anywhere good music is found!This episode of the Deconstructionists Podcast was edited, mixed, and produced by John Williamson Stay on top of all of the latest at www.thedeconstructionists.com Go there to check out our blog, snag a t-shirt, or follow us on social mediaJoin our Patreon family here: www.patreon.com/deconstructionists Website by Ryan BattlesAll photos by Jared HevronLogos designed by Joseph Ernst & Stephen PfluigT-shirt designs by Joseph Ernst, Chad Flannigan, Colin Rigsby, and Jason Turner. This episode is brought to you by Dwell. Dwell lets you listen to scripture the way that fits you. It's an app that reads the bible for you! Go to www.dwellapp.io/deconstruct for 10% off your annual subscription or 30% dwell for life!Starting your own podcast? Try Riverside! https://riverside.fm/?utm_campaign=campaign_1&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=rewardful&via=john-williamsonOur Sponsors:* Check out Factor 75 and use my code deconstruct50 for a great deal: https://www.factor75.com/Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-deconstructionists/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Gathering on the 21st anniversary of September 11th, our special guest, Dr. Pauline Boss, who coined the term “ambiguous loss,” reminds us that closure is a myth. Shanan Custer, with help from Rhiannon Fiskradatz, recounts being at the most magical place on earth that day. Sue Scott writes to Liz Cheney with a plea. Zippy... The post Ep. 28 Resilience – LIVE – with guests Dr. Pauline Boss & Rhiannon Fiskradatz appeared first on Island of Discarded Women podcast.

Hi Friends and welcome to JOY IS NOW! The podcast where we take a psychologically minded look at life. I'm your host Lisa Anderson Shaffer, coach, consultant, and resident psych enthusiast.Today I am excited to host for a THESE THREE THINGS segment discussion, emeritus professor at University of Minnesota, world-renowned developer of the theory of ambiguous loss, pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management, and author of 8 books including the brilliant and incredibly relevant new release,  The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change, DR. PAULINE BOSS.  We discuss her newest book, The Myth of Closure, and Dr. Boss shares her three most valuable life lessons. There is so much goodness in this episode. Get comfortable, sit back and enjoy getting to know one of the great scientific minds of our time, Dr. Pauline Boss. Listen in, it's a good one!This has been JOY IS NOW with me, Lisa Anderson Shaffer, LMFT. You can find me for hire at LISAANDERSONSHAFFER.COM and join the patronage support for this podcast and my daily practice journal, THESE THREE THINGS at patreon.com/lisaandersonshaffer. You can also follow along with my musings at @lisaandersonshaffer on Instagram.JOY IS NOW is listener supported. When you buy through shared links, we may earn an affiliate commission.LISA ANDERSON SHAFFER, LMFTNEWSLETTERBOOKPATRONAGEINSTAGRAMEPISODE LINKS:DR. PAULINE BOSSBOOKSupport the show

Matt Baxterhttps://www.wedgehr.com/PODCAST: https://www.mattbaxtershow.com/abouthttps://www.linkedin.com/in/mattcbaxterMatt Baxter is host of his self-titled podcast The Matt Baxter Show. Matt is a serial entrepreneur who started his first business at 15 and now runs a thriving human resource technology startup. Matt's goal in everything he does is to help push people one degree closer to where they want to go. He embraces new ideas, starting things (professionally scatterbrained), and out of the box thinking. https://www.wedgehr.com/Pauline Boss, PhD, is emeritus professor at University of Minnesota. She is known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management. Dr. Boss is the author of Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss. In her new book, The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change, renown grief counselor and psychologist Pauline Boss, Ph.D. tackles how to deal with even more loss in the age of COVID-19. https://wwnorton.com/nonfiction/mental-healthZach Selwynhttps://www.axs.tv/channel-category/check-out-parking-lot-payday/https://zachselwyn.com/Zach Selwyn, host of AXS TV "Parking Lot Daypay" whose diverse credits include leading roles on acclaimed series such as "Around the Horn" (ESPN), "Attack Of The Show", and "America's Secret Slang", among others. Parking Lot Payday puts a fun and unique spin on the traditional game show experience, as Selwyn and his crew ride into concert parking lots to give attendees the chance to cash-in on their knowledge of their favorite bands. https://www.axs.tv/

Pauline Boss, PhD. - The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change.

Our discussion in this episode is with Dr. Pauline Boss, the researcher who coined the term "ambiguous loss" in order to study unresolved grief--which is so anxiety-provoking and difficult to manage. Listen in as we talk about the pitfalls of resilience, the myth of closure, and how the pandemic has shaped our view of grief and anxiety. We also discuss concrete ways to process ambiguous loss and the anxiety it creates.

In this episode, Dr. Pauline Boss, esteemed scientist practitioner who coined the term 'Ambiguous Loss,' discusses the meaning of Ambiguous Loss and how it differs from other losses. Drawing upon powerful examples, Dr. Boss discusses physical ambiguous loss and psychological ambiguous loss due to dementia from disease, brain injury etc. She clarifies that Ambiguous Loss is not a result of pathology, but rather the ambiguity of the circumstances of loss. Using examples like the families of 9-11 she describes the understandable impact on a family when a parent is gone but loss cannot be substantiated. With the aim of building resilience rather than pathologizing, Dr. Boss discusses the Psychological Family, the Family Narrative and the ability to engage Dialectical Thinking - 'my husband is both absent and present in our hearts and minds.' Dr. Boss references Victor Frankel's Importance Of Finding Meaning, Adjusting Mastery Up Or Down and discovering 'New Hope' by risking change.

In this episode, Dr. Pauline Boss, esteemed scientist practitioner who coined the term 'Ambiguous Loss,' discusses the meaning of Ambiguous Loss and how it differs from other losses. Drawing upon powerful examples, Dr. Boss discusses physical ambiguous loss and psychological ambiguous loss due to dementia from disease, brain injury etc. She clarifies that Ambiguous Loss is not a result of pathology, but rather the ambiguity of the circumstances of loss. Using examples like the families of 9-11 she describes the understandable impact on a family when a parent is gone but loss cannot be substantiated. With the aim of building resilience rather than pathologizing, Dr. Boss discusses the Psychological Family, the Family Narrative and the ability to engage Dialectical Thinking - 'my husband is both absent and present in our hearts and minds.' Dr. Boss references Victor Frankel's Importance Of Finding Meaning, Adjusting Mastery Up Or Down and discovering 'New Hope' by risking change.

https://www.alainguillot.com/pauline-boss/ Pauline Boss is known as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress.

Dr. Pauline Boss has spent decades studying ambiguous loss — a loss in which there may be no body to bury, no clear explanation of death, no real answer to the question, “Why did this happen?”

**TRIGGER WARNING** This episode covers sensitive subject matter and is not suitable for all listeners. If this topic could be a trigger for you, listen to this episode with a friend, a sibling, a loved one or a parent so you can talk about any emotions that come up for you. The contents of this episode are not intended to replace therapy and should not be taken as such. If you need immediate help, please call the crisis hotline listed below in our resources.   Have you heard of the term ‘Ambiguous Loss'?   Dr. Pauline Boss coined this term in the 1970s. Today, the term is used in professional discourse as well as in the general public and arts communities.   In her new book, she asks, “How do we begin to cope with loss that cannot be resolved?” Which is what we're speaking about in this conversation.   Pauline Boss, PhD, is emeritus professor at University of Minnesota. She is known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management. Dr. Boss is the author of Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss in addition to The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change.  Listen in as we talk about: [2:00] The definition of Ambiguous Loss [7:15] How to live with deep trauma and ambiguous loss [12:15] How to hold space for people who have experienced ambiguous loss [16:00] The difference between sadness and depression [34:50] Tips to manage the stress after loss [41:40] An excerpt from Dr. Boss' book [43:30] How to become more present with our loved ones   Resources mentioned in this episode: Rock On: Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Sibling Grief by Susan E. Casey Books written by Dr. Boss   Grief Hotline:  https://www.griefresourcenetwork.com/crisis-center/hotlines/    Connect with Dr. Boss here: https://www.ambiguousloss.com  Connect with Susan Instagram Facebook YouTube http://susanecasey.com/  TikTok

Dr. Pauline Boss PhD - She is a renown grief counselor, psychologist and emeritus professor at University of Minnesota. She is known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management. She joins Tavis to unpack her new book “The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in A Time of Pandemic and Change” which teaches us how to tolerate the ambiguity in our more common losses in everyday life (Hour 1)

Frankie's guests include financial first aid blogger and author Alyssa Davies, Dr. Pauline Boss professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota and the world renowned for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and is author of the new book "The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change, and Kathy Buccio with a feature on KFC for Mother's Day.Alyssa Davies is a content manager for Zolo and a published author living in Calgary, Alberta. She is the founder of the two-time award-winning Canadian Personal Finance Blog of the Year, Mixed Up Money. In her handy and accessible new guidebook, Financial First Aid, you'll learn how to navigate unexpected financial surprises. https://mixedupmoney.com/Pauline Boss, PhD, is emeritus professor at University of Minnesota. She is known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management. Dr. Boss is the author of Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss. In her new book, The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change, renown grief counselor and psychologist Pauline Boss, Ph.D. tackles how to deal with even more loss in the age of COVID-19. https://wwnorton.com/nonfiction/mental-healthKathy Buccio is a TV Host, Lifestyle Expert, Producer and Influencer with over 20 years of television experience. She started her career in New York as a producer for the hit entertainment show, Access Hollywood. You can currently see her as an on-camera expert and contributor for outlets like The Today Show, Telemundo Un Nuevo Dia, Acceso Total, NBC 6 in the Mix, NY PIX 11, NBC Boston's The Hub Today, and various ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX stations across the U.S. She is also one of the hosts for the South Florida PBS Health Channel. https://kathybuccio.com/

How do we begin to cope with loss that cannot be resolved? The COVID-19 pandemic has left many of us haunted by feelings of anxiety, despair, and even anger. In The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change (W.W. Norton, 2021), pioneering therapist Dr. Pauline Boss identifies these vague feelings of distress as caused by "ambiguous loss," losses that remain unclear and hard to pin down, and thus have no closure. Collectively the world is grieving as the pandemic continues to change our everyday lives. With a loss of trust in the world as a safe place, a loss of certainty about health care, education, employment, lingering anxieties plague many of us, even as parts of the world are opening back up again. Yet after so much loss, our search must be for a sense of meaning, and not something as elusive and impossible as "closure." Dr. Boss also provides strategies for coping: encouraging us to increase our tolerance of ambiguity and acknowledging our resilience as we express a normal grief, and still look to the future with hope and possibility.  Pauline Boss, PhD, is emeritus professor at University of Minnesota. She is known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management.  This interview was conducted by Jolie Ho, a PhD candidate in clinical psychology whose own research focuses on social support-seeking in response to life stressors within the context of anxiety disorders, including implications of the COVID-19 pandemic for individuals with social anxiety. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/new-books-network

How do we begin to cope with loss that cannot be resolved? The COVID-19 pandemic has left many of us haunted by feelings of anxiety, despair, and even anger. In The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change (W.W. Norton, 2021), pioneering therapist Dr. Pauline Boss identifies these vague feelings of distress as caused by "ambiguous loss," losses that remain unclear and hard to pin down, and thus have no closure. Collectively the world is grieving as the pandemic continues to change our everyday lives. With a loss of trust in the world as a safe place, a loss of certainty about health care, education, employment, lingering anxieties plague many of us, even as parts of the world are opening back up again. Yet after so much loss, our search must be for a sense of meaning, and not something as elusive and impossible as "closure." Dr. Boss also provides strategies for coping: encouraging us to increase our tolerance of ambiguity and acknowledging our resilience as we express a normal grief, and still look to the future with hope and possibility.  Pauline Boss, PhD, is emeritus professor at University of Minnesota. She is known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management.  This interview was conducted by Jolie Ho, a PhD candidate in clinical psychology whose own research focuses on social support-seeking in response to life stressors within the context of anxiety disorders, including implications of the COVID-19 pandemic for individuals with social anxiety. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/psychology

We all experience grief and loss in life, whether it's the death of a loved one, the breakup of a romantic relationship, loss of a job or something else. On this episode, we'll look at what's involved in dealing with the losses we've experienced as a result of the pandemic. Joining us is psychologist and grief expert Dr. Pauline Boss, whose latest book is called, "THE MYTH OF CLOSURE: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change". Thanks to our sponsors of this episode! --> Athletic Greens: Athletic Green's AG One is a special blend of ingredients that supports your gut health, nervous system, immune system, energy recovery, focus and aging. In just one delicious scoop of Athletic Greens mixed with a glass of water, you're absorbing 75 high-quality vitamins, minerals, whole-food sourced superfoods, probiotics, and adaptogens. Athletic Greens uses the best products based on the latest science with constant product iterations. Right now, it's time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient daily nutrition, especially in the flu and cold season. Athletic greens is going to give you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com/ntm. -->Aurate: Aurate is a fine jewelry brand which offers amazing quality at affordable prices. Because Aurate sells directly to you, without the middleman markup, they can offer the same quality as traditional 5th avenue brands at a fraction of the cost. Aurate's gold feels substantial and the diamonds sparkle and shine. Aurate is looking to set the standard for women because they deserve the best—always reminding them to set the gold bar high! Go to www.auratenewyork.com/nobodytoldme and use promo code nobodytoldme to get 20% off. -->Lumineux: Lumineux is the maker of toothpaste mouthwashes and whitening strips that are a totally new and different approach to improving your oral health. If you love the feeling you get when you have your teeth professionally cleaned at the dentist's office, you'll want to try out Lumineux. They use purposeful and uncompromising ingredients like sea salt, aloe and coconut oils to clean and brighten your smile. Plus, everything they make is certified nontoxic. You won't find harsh chemicals or bleaches in any of Lumineux products. Everything is dentist formulated, backed by over 50 studies and proven to protect the good bacteria also known as the microbiome. Search Lumineux on Amazon to pick from a selection of oral hygiene products and get $7 off today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You have to have something new to hope for sure. You might still keep hoping that somebody with a terminal illness might get better and indeed they do sometimes. Or you might hope as after 9/11, that somebody will be found who was in the trade towers when they fell down. And in fact, a few people were found in another country or in a psychiatric ward and not being able to remember who they were, but for the most part, you keep hoping and you move forward with life in a new way. Without that missing person, you must do both. You cannot just hope because that means you're immobilized, you're frozen in place and the children will suffer, the family will suffer, you will suffer from that. It has to be both/and.” So says, Dr. Pauline Boss, emeritus professor at University of Minnesota and world-renowned as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management as well as for her groundbreaking research on what is now known as the theory of ambiguous loss. Dr. Boss coined the term ambiguous loss in the 1970s to describe a very particular type of loss that defies resolution, blocks coping and meaning-making and freezes the process of grieving. With death, she says, there is official certification of loss, proof of the transformation from life to death, and support for mourners through community rituals and gatherings. In ambiguous loss, none of these markers exist, the lingering murkiness leaving individuals unnerved and stressed out.  In her forty years of clinical experience as a family therapist, Dr. Boss has worked with individuals, couples and families dealing with some kind of ambiguous loss - from families in New York who lost family members during 9/11 and are experiencing the physical kind of ambiguous loss, to those dealing with the psychological ambiguous losses of a parent with Alzheimer's disease, a loved one with an addiction, or someone who is changing as a result of aging or transitioning. Drawing on research and her immense cache of clinical experience, Dr. Boss has developed six guiding principles for building the resilience to both bear the trauma of ambiguous loss and to move forward and live well, despite experiencing a loss with no certainty or resolution.  She joins me today to discuss this often unrecognized, but ubiquitous type of loss, particularly as it relates to closure - the subject of her most recent book, The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change. Our conversation touches on our collective grieving following the pandemic and our country's awakening to the concept of systemic racism; how we can begin to increase our tolerance for ambiguity, and the importance of discovering new hope in the face of grief that has no end. Our search, she tells us, must not be for the elusive concept of closure, but rather for a sense of meaning and a new way to move forward.  EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Unnerving ambiguity… Using both/and language around loss… Pillars of processing… Moving forward, not moving on… MORE FROM PAULINE BOSS: The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress and Grief What if There's No Such Thing as Closure? - NYT Magazine, December 2021 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All of us have experienced a wide range of loss and grief from the last 2 years of life under a pandemic.  In this second installment of our focus on grief and Loss, host Lisa Laudico speaks with leading social scientist, family therapist, professor, and writer Dr. Pauline Boss about all of her research and her latest book, The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic & Change.  Dr. Boss has extended the lens of her groundbreaking research to the world we live in today.  This is another episode that has something for everyone – not just those of us living with MBC or a terminal diagnosis.  It is a privilege to listen to Dr. Boss speak and teach.   This type of interview will now be part of our new, “Our MBC Bookshelf” series that will highlight the authors and books who make a difference in our lives.  If you have an author whom you would like us to interview – drop us a line.   Finally, we have launched a new version of our very popular Dash of Joy – this season we want to hear your little dashes of joy and we will play them in future episodes.  Moments of joy do not have to be (maybe shouldn't be?) big splashy insta moments but the big and small real moments of joy that help us each day to have some lightness in our heart even when life feels so hard.  Listen here for Dar Finkelstein's introduction of this new mini segment this season. More info is available on our website:   www.ourmbclife.orgGot something to share?  Feedback? Email:   ourmbclife@sharecancersupport.orgSend us a voice recording via email or through speakpipe on our website.  Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @ourmbclife

Episode 5 This week on Oregon Grow, Mental Health Therapist Talia Akre (Multnomah Education Service District) talks about the compassion fatigue many educators experience. Talia explains the difference between compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, and burnout. Compassion fatigue is particularly labeled for the helping fields, which includes educators. Many educators of all kinds are dealing with student trauma and mental health issues. Current staffing shortages are additionally compounding the stressors educators are experiencing. Compassion fatigue can even affect an entire school community and can also exist in our personal lives when we're taking care of others. Talia and Jesse discuss the importance of taking care of ourselves first and letting students see we're whole people, for example, by taking breaks or having a classroom mindful minute.    Learn more about compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma and how to regain balance:  Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky and Connie Burk  Compassion Fatigue TEDx talk by Dr. Jacquelyn Ollison Master Teachers are Mindful Teachers by The Teaching Professor/Faculty Focus author Dr. Kristen Rousch The Mindful Self Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss

Have you ever heard of ambiguous loss?  Author and University of Minnesota emeritus professor Dr. Pauline Boss developed this theory and is the foremost pioneer in this study.  She joins the show to explain how this is being felt in today's climate of war and the pandemic.  Then, most everyone is having trouble keeping up with rising gas prices.  What tips and tricks are out there to help cut those costs?  Washington Post reporter Chris Velazco points out some of the best apps to use so you can save at the pump.

Have you ever heard of ambiguous loss?  Author and University of Minnesota emeritus professor Dr. Pauline Boss developed this theory and is the foremost pioneer in this study.  She joins the show to explain how this is being felt in today's climate of war and the pandemic.

March 11 marks two years since the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic. With another variant waning, many people are hoping, yet again, to close the book on COVID and move on. But what if there's a different way to think about life after loss? Pauline Boss, PhD, author of “The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change,” talks about what we have learned about grief, resilience and moving on after two years of pandemic life. Links Pauline Boss, PhD Speaking of Psychology Home Page

Interview with Dr Pauline Boss. Pauline Boss, PhD, is emeritus professor at University of Minnesota. She is known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss and as a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management. Dr. Boss is the author of Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss in addition to The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change. She lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota.In this podcast episode you will learn:✨The difference between clear and ambiguous loss✨The 6 steps of a stress-based therapy✨The myth about lossEnjoy listening.With gratitude,Julia-----SHOWNOTESLearn More About Dr Pauline Boss:https://www.ambiguousloss.com/-----

The first of five muscles the church needs to strengthen in order to be fit, agile, and ready for God's now is Grieving Well. Suzanne Stabile is well known as an expert on the Enneagram. This past year, she has done extensive work on grief and the Enneagram because she believes grieving in real time is so important in our world today. Suzanne offers us remarkable insights through this in-depth interview about grief and what grieving well looks like for congregations and communities. Suzanne Stabile is a highly sought after speaker and teacher, known for her engaging laugh, personal vulnerability and creative approach to Enneagram instruction. After 25 years of studying the enneagram, learning from people's stories, cultivating relationships, and learning under Father Richard Rohr, she has become a bestselling author and world class teacher of the enneagram and how individuals can best utilize this spiritual tool.   QUOTES “But what has happened to me as I've started to work on grieving is that I've come to believe that we have to grieve through the transition in order to live into the teaching that life has merely changed.” -Suzanne Stabile [17:23] “Grieving has got to be as unique to the individual as anything that's ever gonna happen.” -Suzanne Stabile [25:59]   TIMESTAMPS [00:01] Intro [01:28] Meet Suzanne [04:11] The hosts' thoughts on the conversation [06:51] Grieving in real time [12:59] How the enneagram can inform how to grieve [16:01] What has happened to her as she's worked on grieving [22:45] Why she decided to study grieving [25:08] Grieving has to be as unique to the individual [27:42] What it would look like for congregations to do grief well together [33:12] Two kinds of ambiguous loss [37:05] Grief, fear and despair are basic emotions [45:11] Outro   RESOURCES & RELEVANT LINKS Suzanne's newest book is “The Journey Toward Wholeness: Enneagram Wisdom for Stress, Balance, and Transformation” released on November 2, 2021. Her other books include “The Road Back to You” and “The Path Between Us.” Find out more about Suzanne's ministry and workshop opportunities on her Life in the Trinity website: https://www.lifeinthetrinityministry.com and at: https://suzannestabile.com Suzanne's podcast is “The Enneagram Journey”: https://www.theenneagramjourney.org/podcast The two books Suzanne references in the podcast are: Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss and Healing through the Dark Emotions by Miriam Greenspan “God Has Work for Us To Do” music and lyrics by Mark Miller. Visit Mark's website at markamillermusic.com or find him on YouTube at youtube.com/c/markismusic67. This podcast is brought to you by the Leadership Ministry team at TMF and Wesleyan Investive. Leadership Ministry connects diverse, high capacity leaders in conversations and environments that create a network of courage, learning, and innovation in order to help the church lean into its God-appointed mission. For more information and to support Leadership Ministry, visit tmf-fdn.org/leadership-ministry.

Our guest, Susy Favaro, a social worker from Banner Alzheimer's Institute, shares with us her connection to the term coined by Dr. Pauline Boss, ambiguous loss, and how the implementation of her guidelines can help caregivers understand the emotions around their person's presence & absence simultaneously. Susy helps us untangle the confusion around grief, guilt and a myriad of emotions that caregivers can feel at any time about their loved one with dementia. She creates a safe space for caregivers, reminding us that “it's not you that is messed up, it's the situation that's messed up,” and how striving for perfection is no longer useful, that “good enough is good enough.” She assures listeners that once you embrace this idea of ambiguous loss and share it with others, you won't look back.