An Evolving Man Podcast

Why do so many former boarders struggle with perfectionism, overworking and the feeling that they are never quite good enough?In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross explores the link between boarding school syndrome, perfectionism, the inner critic and burnout.At boarding school, mistakes can carry a social cost. Vulnerability may be hidden, everyone else can appear to have it “sorted”, and achievement becomes a way of proving our worth. Underneath can sit a much deeper belief:“I'm not good enough.”Piers explores: Why boarding school can encourage perfectionism  The fear of mistakes, failure and vulnerability  Fixed mindset versus growth mindset  The link between perfectionism and the brutal inner critic  How perfectionism can create burnout and an inability to switch off  Why control can become a childhood survival strategy  Learning to replace impossible standards with “I'm good enough” Using calm, mindfulness and self-compassion to change the pattern Drawing on Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving and Emma Seppälä's The Happiness Track, Piers offers practical ways to begin loosening perfectionism.  

What can the first day at boarding school feel like for a child?Following Prince George's arrival at Eton College, Piers Cross reflects on his own first days at boarding school and the psychology of leaving home for a large residential institution.Drawing on the work of Nick Duffell and Joy Schaverien, Piers explores the “threshold moment” when a child begins to understand emotionally—not merely intellectually—that their parents have gone and they must now adapt to a new environment. The conversation explores homesickness, emotional suppression, dissociation, busyness, workaholism, attachment and the potential implications for later relationships and leadership. Piers also considers what Bear Grylls and David Cameron have written about their own experiences of arriving at Eton. This episode does not claim to know Prince George's private emotional experience. Instead, it uses this moment to ask a wider question about boarding school, separation and emotional development.Content note: Includes brief discussion of suicide and childhood loss. Here is the article I talk about: https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/thames-valley-police-eton-college-unexplained-incident-b1272963.html Find out more: https://piers-cross.com---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

What happens when reaching the top still isn't enough?In Episode 171 of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross speaks with Julian Reeve, international keynote speaker, author and creator of the Perfect Equilibrium methodology.Julian worked across the West End and Broadway before joining the team behind Hamilton. In 2017, while Music Director of the show's first US national tour, he suffered a stress-related heart attack at 43. A subsequent repetitive strain injury eventually ended his performing career. That experience forced Julian to reconsider the relationship between achievement, perfectionism, identity and self-worth.Piers and Julian explore why high achievers can become trapped in the belief that productivity equals value, the six organisational drivers of burnout, how leaders create cultures of either pressure or psychological safety, and why emotional intelligence, creativity and judgement will become increasingly important in the age of AI. They also discuss perfectionism as a survival strategy, the importance of play and permission in creative teams, and how individuals can begin identifying whether their burnout is being driven by personal patterns, organisational systems—or both. A rich conversation about burnout, identity, leadership, creativity and redefining what success really means. 

Why are so many former boarders relentlessly hard on themselves?In this short episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross explores the brutal inner critic that can develop through boarding school and childhood trauma.Piers reflects on how being humiliated for showing emotion led him to begin attacking himself internally before other people could do it. What originally helped create protection and control eventually became an inner bully. Drawing on his own experience and the work of writers including Pete Walker and Nick Duffell, Piers explores perfectionism, emotional flashbacks, self-parenting, thought correction and learning to replace hostile self-talk with a kinder, more supportive internal voice. He also reflects on the importance of grief and embodied emotional release, and how learning to feel again helped transform his own relationship with self-criticism. A reflection on boarding school syndrome, trauma, perfectionism, self-compassion and developing a benevolent inner voice.Content note: Includes discussion of past self-harm.Find out more: https://piers-cross.com---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

What if difficult behaviour is not something to control—but something to understand?In Episode 170 of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross speaks with Geoff Owen, founder of Biologically Aligned Parenting and author of The Parenting Assumption.Geoff argues that children are born with innate needs for safety, certainty, connection and regulation. When those needs are not sufficiently met, behaviours we label as defiant, aggressive, withdrawn or difficult may emerge as adaptations.Rather than immediately asking, “How do I stop this behaviour?”, Jeff encourages parents to ask:“What is this behaviour telling me?”Piers and Geoff explore parental stress, nervous-system regulation, punishment and rewards, high-performing parents bringing workplace management strategies home, learning through observation, attachment, boarding school and the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses children may develop.They also discuss a different vision of parenting: creating an environment in which children feel trusted, capable and secure enough to develop naturally.A thought-provoking conversation about parenting, attachment, emotional intelligence and our assumptions about children.Find Geoff:https://geoffreyowen.com/Find Piers: https://piers-cross.com---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why can the end of summer bring unexpected anxiety, sadness or unease for former boarders?In this short episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross explores how late August and early September can unconsciously reconnect ex-boarders with the repeated childhood experience of leaving home and returning to boarding school.After weeks at home, children often had to prepare themselves to separate from family and “harden up” again for another term away. Decades later, seasonal changes, returning from holiday or going back to work can still activate those old emotional patterns.Piers shares a simple invitation: rather than immediately reacting, fixing or distracting yourself, pause and notice what is happening in your body.There may be anxiety, anger or grief underneath the surface.The work, he suggests, is not to judge those feelings but to parent ourselves with kindness, steadiness and compassion.A short reflection on boarding school syndrome, transitions, nervous system regulation, grief and self-parenting.Find out more: https://piers-cross.com---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is the story beneath addictive behaviour?In Episode 169 of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross speaks with commercial fisherwoman, health coach, speaker and alcohol-free living advocate Colleen Clifford.Colleen spent more than three decades working in Alaska's commercial fishing industry. Months at sea without alcohol made it easier for her to believe that her binge drinking was under control—even when episodes of drinking continued to create consequences in her life. She also shares the devastating loss of her husband by suicide and the long process of grief, depression and healing that followed.Their conversation moves beyond alcohol itself to explore the beliefs and wounds underneath destructive behaviour.While writing her memoir, Colleen recognised that a traumatic experience at nineteen had left her carrying an unconscious belief that she was unlovable. She began to see how that story had influenced relationships, risk-taking, drinking and the fiercely independent persona she developed. Piers and Colleen discuss trauma, emotional avoidance, shame, asking for help, hyper-independence and the parallels between institutional environments such as ships and boarding schools.They also explore Colleen's 95/5 trap: when a behaviour appears manageable 95% of the time, it can be easy to dismiss the 5% in which things become chaotic or dangerous. Colleen finishes with practical suggestions for anyone questioning their relationship with alcohol: take an honest inventory, identify your personal reason for change, find support and avoid becoming paralysed by the idea that you must make a decision “forever.” A compassionate conversation about binge drinking, addiction, grief, suicide loss, trauma, shame and discovering the story beneath the behaviour.Content note: This episode includes discussion of suicide, alcohol misuse and traumatic loss.For UK listeners who need someone to talk to, Samaritans can be reached free on 116 123.Find Colleen: https://lifebeyondthebinge.comFind Piers: https://piers-cross.com---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why would someone who had an unhappy or frightening experience at boarding school go on to send their own children there?In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross explores the psychology of intergenerational repetition and boarding school.Drawing on his own experience and material from Trauma, Abandonment & Privilege, James Blunt, Bear Grylls and Tina Brown, Piers examines the contradictions that can appear in former boarders' stories: people may describe fear, bullying, loneliness or unhappiness and yet still conclude that boarding school “did them no harm.” He explores several possible explanations, including denial, dissociation, class and family expectations, pressure to provide children with a supposedly superior education, and the difficulty of parenting children beyond the age at which you yourself were sent away. Piers also considers the Jungian idea that what remains unconscious can become fate: unresolved childhood experiences may be repeated until they are recognised, accepted and changed. A reflective episode about boarding school syndrome, intergenerational trauma, dissociation, parenting, emotional awareness and breaking inherited patterns.Find out more: https://piers-cross.com---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Can attention be trained like a muscle—and can technology help us recover the focus that technology itself is eroding?In Episode 168 of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross speaks with George Molakal, CEO and co-founder of MindSpring Innovation, and Brian Throckmorton, co-founder and board member.Their work began with personal experience. Both had watched their children struggle with focus, schoolwork and sustained attention. This led them to explore whether there could be another route alongside medication and conventional therapy.George and Brian discuss the different forms of attention, neuroplasticity, multitasking, cognitive overload, smartphones, social media and the growing challenge of digital distraction.They also explain how MindSpring combines cognitive games, individual assessments, AI-supported coaching, parental guidance and human oversight to help children and adults strengthen attention and self-regulation.Piers explores the relationship between attention difficulties, ADHD and childhood trauma, while the guests clarify where their own research and experience do—and do not—extend.The conversation also examines phone-free schools, stigma around therapy, workplace distraction and why strong attention is essential for leaders, doctors, educators, drivers and other professionals working under pressure.The episode concludes with practical suggestions for parents, including removing distractions, breaking overwhelming tasks into smaller steps and helping children practise sustained observation.A hopeful and thought-provoking conversation about reclaiming one of our most important human capacities.Free resources for parentsDownload the Free Parent Playbooks—no signup and no cost:https://attentivekids.com/playbooksListeners of An Evolving Man Podcast can use the code PIERS50 at:https://www.attentivekids.comThe programme is designed for children aged 4–14.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why can transitions feel disproportionately difficult for former boarders?In this short episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross reflects on his own nervousness before leaving for a workshop and retreat—and explores how apparently ordinary transitions can activate much older emotional patterns.Drawing on the work of Nick Duffell and Thurstine Basset in Trauma, Abandonment & Privilege, Piers considers how leaving home repeatedly as a child can make later transitions—holidays, travel, moving, ending therapy or beginning something new—feel unexpectedly uncomfortable.He shares a simple somatic practice: pause, notice where the nervousness is held in the body, breathe and allow yourself to feel what is happening rather than letting fear become the hidden engine behind constant activity.Piers also explores another possibility: rather than labelling the sensation as anxiety, experiment with saying:“I'm excited.”For former boarders who learned not to become too emotionally “up” or too “down”, rediscovering excitement may itself be part of the healing process.A short reflection on boarding school syndrome, transitions, anxiety, nervous system regulation, somatic awareness and learning to experience change differently.Find out more about Piers Cross: https://piers-cross.com

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Nima Rahmany, nervous system and attachment specialist, transformational coach and founder of the Trigger Proof methodology.Nima works with high-achieving individuals, couples, parents and leaders to understand the deeper patterns behind reactivity, people-pleasing, trauma bonds, emotional shutdown and codependency.This is a powerful conversation about attachment wounds, nervous system regulation, rupture and repair, elegant boundaries, family dynamics, conscious parenting and what it really means to become “trigger-proof.”We explore:• Nima's journey from chiropractic into trauma, attachment and nervous system work • Why intelligent, successful people can still become reactive under pressure • How childhood attachment wounds shape adult relationships • Why codependency often begins as a search for safety • The difference between co-regulation and codependency • How rupture and repair create secure relationships • Why unresolved resentment creates emotional and physical stress • The importance of boundaries in family systems • Protective boundaries and containment boundaries • What elegant boundaries really mean • How people-pleasing and self-abandonment keep us stuck • Why conflict can become a doorway to deeper intimacy • How to regulate, integrate and then communicate • Why becoming trigger-proof is a lifelong path, not a quick fixThis conversation is especially relevant for leaders, coaches, parents, partners and anyone who wants to break old cycles and build more secure, honest and compassionate relationships.Nima's work: https://becometriggerproof.com/ Attachment style assessment: https://go.drnima.com/lx67t Piers Cross: https://www.piers-cross.com/Compassionate Leaders Global: https://compassionateleadersglobal.com/#AnEvolvingManPodcast #NimaRahmany #AttachmentWounds #TraumaBonds #Codependency #NervousSystemRegulation #CompassionateLeadership #EmotionalIntelligence---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why do so many successful leaders struggle to switch off?In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore why high-achieving leaders often find it difficult to rest, sleep, stop working, put the phone down or be fully present with family.This is not simply a time management issue.For many leaders, the nervous system has learned to stay permanently “on”.Drawing on Jim Collins, Brad Stulberg, Steve Magness, Cal Newport, Kelly McGonigal, Emma Seppälä, Nick Duffell and Thurstine Bassett, I explore the psychology behind workaholism, burnout, boarding school conditioning and the importance of rest for real growth.We explore:• Why successful leaders struggle to switch off • The difference between hard work and workaholism • Why boarding school can train the nervous system to stay “always on” • Nick Duffell and Thurstine Bassett's idea of “timetabling” • Why stress without rest leads to burnout • Why stress plus rest equals growth • Jim Collins on hard work versus compulsive overwork • Why scrolling, emails and social media are not real rest • Cal Newport's “shutdown complete” practice • How a twilight hour can improve sleep and recovery • Why rest is not indulgence, but responsible leadership • Simple practices to calm the nervous system and switch offIf you are a founder, CEO, executive, coach or high achiever who finds it difficult to stop, this episode is an invitation to reframe rest as part of leadership.Not weakness.Not laziness.But essential.Piers Cross: https://www.piers-cross.com/Compassionate Leaders Global: https://compassionateleadersglobal.com/#AnEvolvingManPodcast #Leadership #Burnout #EmotionalIntelligence #CompassionateLeadership #HighPerformance #StressRecovery #BoardingSchoolSyndrome---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Dr. Judith Wright, relationship expert, author and co-founder of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential.Judith has spent more than 40 years helping individuals and couples transform conflict into connection, deepen emotional intelligence and create more meaningful lives.We explore why conflict is not necessarily a sign that a relationship is failing. Instead, when approached consciously, conflict can become a doorway into truth, intimacy, personal responsibility and deeper love.We discuss the seven rules of engagement from The Heart of the Fight, including taking responsibility for our own happiness, refusing to give more than 50% of the blame, telling the truth, fighting for rather than against, and assuming goodwill.We also explore emotional intelligence, dissociation, shadow work, the drama triangle, relationship as a mirror, and how love can help us become more fully ourselves.Dr. Judith Wright: https://livewright.com/contact/Piers Cross: https://www.piers-cross.com/Timestamps00:00 Introduction to Dr. Judith Wright 02:00 Judith's journey into relationship work 05:10 Working with couples across 20 years 08:05 Personal responsibility in relationships 10:15 The drama triangle: victim, persecutor and rescuer 13:20 Changing the field in relationship 16:15 Letting go of control 18:10 The seven rules of engagement 19:00 Accentuate the positive 21:10 Minimise the negative 23:35 No one gets more than 50% of the blame 25:00 100% responsibility for your own happiness 27:15 Truth, trust and no secrets 31:10 Fight for, not against 34:00 Assuming goodwill 38:30 Why conflict is not failure 42:20 How to begin having healthier arguments 45:30 Expressing likes and dislikes 49:00 Receiving love, praise and gifts 52:15 Relationship as a mirror 55:10 The womb and the crucible 57:50 What to do when a relationship reaches an impasse 59:25 Emotional intelligence in relationships 1:00:45 Final reflections and where to find Judith---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

What if you are already a leader, even if you do not have the title?In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore the belief many people hold: “I'm not a leader.”This often comes up in conversations about the Compassionate Leader Pathway. People say they are not in a senior position, not a CEO, not a manager, or not the kind of person they imagine a leader to be.But leadership is not only about titles, hierarchy or command and control.Drawing on Mike Manazir's work in Learn How to Lead to Win, John C. Maxwell's The Five Levels of Leadership, Simon Sinek's Leaders Eat Last, Gareth Southgate's Lessons in Leadership, and the wider field of emotional intelligence and compassionate leadership, I explore why we are all leaders in some form.We explore:• Why many people say, “I'm not a leader” • Why leadership is not just about titles or status • The difference between command-and-control leadership and compassionate leadership • Why parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, counsellors and colleagues are all leaders • John Quincy Adams' definition of leadership • Mike Manazir's human-centred approach to leadership • John Maxwell's five levels of leadership • Why relational leadership matters • Why the future of leadership is emotional intelligence • Gareth Southgate, psychological safety and leadership • How servant leadership creates leaders, not followers • Why Compassionate Leaders Global exists • The upcoming Compassionate Leader PathwayLeadership begins with how we lead ourselves.And from there, how we show up for others.Find out more about the Compassionate Leader Pathway: https://compassionateleadersglobal.com/the-compassionate-leader-pathway-course/Upcoming workshop: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1992503357178?aff=oddtdtcreator#CompassionateLeadership #LeadershipDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #ServantLeadership #PsychologicalSafety #LeadershipTraining #AnEvolvingManPodcast---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

What were birthdays like in boarding school?Were they celebrated or ignored?Or did you get hazed or bullied on your birthday.Take care,Piers---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why do the same people keep triggering us?Why do certain relationships, colleagues, family members or situations seem to provoke the same reaction again and again?In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore emotional triggers from the perspective of leadership, Jungian psychology, boarding school trauma, nervous system regulation and personal sovereignty.This is an important subject for anyone in leadership, coaching, relationships, parenting or personal development because the people who trigger us often reveal something important about ourselves.Drawing on Carl Jung's insight that “when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate,” I explore how projection works, why we give our power away, and how we can begin to bring that energy back into the body.We explore:• Why the same people keep triggering us • Jung, shadow work and projection • Why triggers are often somatic before they are intellectual • How boarding school and childhood trauma can create hypervigilance • The inner critic and outer critic • Why anger in others may reveal hidden anger in ourselves • How to reclaim projections and take back your energy • Why boundaries are essential for emotional maturity • How to practise saying no without aggression or people-pleasing • EFT, Havening and body-based regulation tools • Why triggers are part of leadership development • How compassionate leadership begins with self-awarenessI also share details of our upcoming free Compassionate Leaders Global workshop:Why Do the Same People Keep Triggering Me? 30th July, 6:30pm to 7:45pm UK time Book here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1992503357178?aff=oddtdtcreatorI also mention the upcoming Compassionate Leader Pathway, a three-month programme beginning in September for people who want to develop a more emotionally intelligent, heart-centred and compassionate way of leading.Find out more here: https://compassionateleadersglobal.com/the-compassionate-leader-pathway-course/#CompassionateLeadership #EmotionalIntelligence #LeadershipDevelopment #ShadowWork #JungianPsychology #NervousSystemRegulation #Boundaries #AnEvolvingManPodcastTimestamps00:00 Introduction: Why do the same people keep triggering me? 00:43 Why this matters in leadership, family and relationships 01:35 We are all leaders in some form 02:20 Carl Jung, projection and unconscious patterns 03:33 What triggers reveal about our shadow 04:40 Anger, the inner critic and self-attack 05:45 Reclaiming projections and taking your power back 06:55 Hypervigilance, the outer critic and childhood survival 08:05 Havening, EFT and calming the nervous system 09:00 Boundaries and why the same people keep crossing them 10:05 Practising yes, no and embodied sovereignty 11:05 Feeling triggers in the body 11:55 Upcoming free workshop on emotional triggers 12:35 The Compassionate Leader Pathway 13:05 Final reflections and invitation to comment---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this deeply moving episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Masha Castner and David Moss, founders and directors of Kind Waves.Kind Waves is a UK charity created to help schools build deeper cultures of kindness, emotional safety and positive relationships. The charity was born from the heartbreaking death of Masha and David's 13-year-old daughter, Helena, known as Heli, who took her own life.Through their grief, Masha and David have become passionate advocates for changing the emotional culture around children, families, educators and school communities.In this conversation, we explore how many children suffer silently, why school pressure can become overwhelming, and how kindness is not simply about being nice. It is about creating environments where children and adults feel safe, seen, heard, valued and supported.We discuss:• The story behind Kind Waves• Heli's life and the heartbreak of losing her• Why many children suffer silently• The pressures facing young people in schools• Why kindness is different from niceness• The importance of emotional safety in schools• Why behaviour is often a nervous system response• How shame and humiliation affect children• Why teachers need support, not more pressure• How schools can build cultures of kindness• The importance of listening to children• How safe adults can make a life-changing difference• Social media, perfectionism and the pressure young people face• Why children need challenge without fear• How rest, creativity and connection support learningThis is a powerful conversation about grief, education, children's mental health, school culture and the urgent need to create kinder environments for young people.Kind Waves:https://kindwaves.org.uk/    @kindwavesukPiers Cross:https://www.piers-cross.com/#AnEvolvingManPodcast #KindWaves #KindnessInSchools #ChildrensMentalHealth #EmotionalSafety #CompassionateLeadership #SchoolCulture #MentalHealthAwarenessTimestamps00:00 Introduction to Masha Castner, David Moss and Kind Waves02:05 The story behind Kind Waves05:20 Heli's life and what her parents learned through grief09:10 Children suffering silently12:45 School pressure and young people's mental health16:30 Behaviour as a nervous system response20:15 Why punishment and shame can harm children24:40 The importance of emotional safety in schools29:05 How external voices become internal voices34:10 Positive challenge rather than pressure39:00 Social media, perfectionism and young people44:15 Safe adults, open doors and early support49:20 Rest, regulation and the school day53:10 Kindness versus niceness56:35 The vision for Kind Waves58:20 Where to find Kind Waves---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Prince George is set to attend Eton College, continuing a long tradition of future leaders being educated in elite boarding schools.But is this really the best way to prepare someone for leadership in the 21st century?In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore five reasons why we need to stop sending our future leaders to boarding school.Drawing on modern leadership literature, boarding school syndrome research, attachment theory and the work of writers such as Nick Duffell, Joy Schaverien, Sue Gerhardt, Richard Beard, Louise Champion, Daniel Goleman, Antonio Damasio, Kouzes and Posner, I ask whether boarding school really creates the qualities we need in leaders today.We explore:• Why great leadership needs love• Why boarding school often teaches children to live without love• How emotional repression affects decision-making• Why emotional intelligence matters more than ever in leadership• How boarding school separates future leaders from the people they will one day lead• Why secure attachment supports a flexible brain• Why resilience is not the same as dissociation• The difference between confidence and a survival mask• Why command-and-control leadership is no longer enough• Why future leaders need compassion, connection and emotional maturityThis is not simply about Prince George.It is about what kind of leaders we want to create.If we continue sending future leaders into environments where love, vulnerability, emotional expression and ordinary human connection are removed, should we be surprised when those leaders later struggle with empathy, intimacy, transparency and care?The future needs emotionally intelligent leaders.Leaders who can listen.Leaders who can feel.Leaders who can connect.Leaders who understand the people they are here to serve.#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #Eton #PrinceGeorge #BoardingSchoolTrauma #CompassionateLeadership #FutureLeadersTimestamps00:00 Introduction00:35 Prince George, Eton and future leadership01:10 Why this conversation matters01:55 The five reasons we need to rethink boarding school02:45 Reason 1: Great leadership needs love04:20 Boarding school and the absence of love05:25 Reason 2: Emotional repression06:30 Why leaders need emotional information07:15 Reason 3: Separation from those they will lead08:05 Reason 4: Secure attachment and the flexible brain09:15 Reason 5: Confidence, resilience and dissociation10:35 Why command-and-control leadership is no longer enough11:10 Final reflections and invitation to comment---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Jeremy Lipkowitz, executive coach, meditation teacher, leadership facilitator and founder of Unhooked Academy.Jeremy works with high-achieving men who want to break free from destructive habits, porn addiction, compulsive sexual behaviour, shame and emotional avoidance. After overcoming addiction and depression in his early twenties through meditation, Jeremy left a doctoral programme at Duke University and spent time as a Buddhist monk in Asia.In this conversation, we explore why porn addiction is so powerful, why shame keeps so many men stuck, and how mindfulness, Buddhist psychology, community and emotional intelligence can help us break free from compulsive patterns.We discuss:• Jeremy's personal journey with porn addiction and depression• How Buddhism and meditation changed his life• Why craving is at the heart of addiction• The three A's of porn addiction: affordability, accessibility and anonymity• Why porn is so difficult to stop when it is available on every phone• How shame creates a cycle of secrecy and acting out• The importance of men's groups and safe community• Healthy shame, moral dread and Buddhist ethics• The attention economy and why our minds are being trained into distraction• How mindfulness helps us reclaim the space between stimulus and response• Practical ways to begin working with urges, emotions and addictive patternsThis is a powerful and honest conversation about one of the subjects many men struggle with but rarely talk about.Jeremy's work:Unhooked Academyunhookedacademy.comJeremy's podcast: https://unhooked.buzzsprout.com/ Piers Cross:https://www.piers-cross.com/#AnEvolvingManPodcast #PornAddiction #Mindfulness #MensWork #Buddhism #AddictionRecovery #EmotionalIntelligence #JeremyLipkowitz---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

For Thursday's leadership workshop: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1991361811785?aff=oddtdtcreatorKeir Starmer's resignation marks another major moment in British political leadership.If the UK is now heading towards its seventh Prime Minister in just over a decade, the deeper question is not simply who comes next.The deeper question is:What kind of leadership culture are we creating?In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I reflect on leadership in the UK, the limits of command-and-control leadership, and why emotional intelligence, honesty, compassion and self-awareness are now essential qualities for leaders in politics, business and wider society.Drawing on leadership thinkers such as John Maxwell, Kouzes and Posner, and research from the Chartered Management Institute, I explore why so many managers and leaders in the UK are still promoted without proper leadership training, and how this creates what the CMI calls “accidental managers.”We explore:• Keir Starmer's resignation and the wider UK leadership crisis• Why Britain may not just need a new leader, but a new leadership culture• The problem with command-and-control leadership• John Maxwell's five levels of leadership• Why positional leadership is the lowest level of leadership• The importance of honesty, competence, inspiration and forward-thinking• Why emotional intelligence is no longer optional for leaders• How public school, grammar school and institutional cultures shape leadership• Why leaders need to understand ordinary people's lived experience• Compassionate leadership as a new model for politics, business and society• Why the conversations we are not having may be the most important onesThis is not a party-political episode.It is a reflection on leadership, emotional intelligence, culture and the future of how we lead.If we want a different kind of leadership in Britain, it begins with the leadership we practise in ourselves, our families, our organisations and our communities.Website:https://www.piers-cross.com/Compassionate Leaders Global:https://www.compassionateleadersglobal.com/---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why do so many politicians, business leaders and influential public figures come from boarding schools?In this fascinating conversation, I sit down with researcher, author and podcaster Dominic Waterson to explore the hidden influence of childhood experiences, elite education and institutional culture on leadership and power.Drawing on years of research for his book Traitors: The Pandemic Politicians, Dominic examines the backgrounds of figures including Boris Johnson, Tony Blair, David Cameron, Justin Welby and many others.Together we explore:• Why boarding schools appear repeatedly in the backgrounds of political leaders• The relationship between childhood trauma and leadership• How institutional cultures shape beliefs, behaviours and decision-making• Boris Johnson's early years and boarding school experience• Tony Blair, Fettes College and the influence of elite education• Why some leaders struggle with authenticity and emotional intelligence• The impact of power, privilege and social conditioning• How childhood experiences continue to influence leadership in adulthoodThis conversation is not about political parties.It is about understanding how childhood experiences, education and institutional culture can shape the people who ultimately lead nations, organisations and communities.Whether you are interested in leadership, psychology, emotional intelligence, trauma, boarding school syndrome or the structures of power, this episode offers a thought-provoking perspective on how leaders are formed.If you enjoy the conversation, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who may find it valuable.Website:www.piers-cross.com#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #PoliticalLeadership #Trauma #ChildhoodTrauma #DominicWaterson #AnEvolvingManPodcast---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

 For the workshop: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-conversations-youre-not-having-tickets-1991361811785?aff=oddtdtcreator&keep_tld=true Many leaders, entrepreneurs and former boarders avoid the conversations that matter most.Not because they don't know what needs to be said.But because somewhere deep in the nervous system, speaking up still feels dangerous.In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore why so many of us avoid difficult conversations, where this pattern originates, and how early experiences such as boarding school, emotional neglect, bullying, criticism or trauma can shape our ability to communicate honestly and set healthy boundaries.We explore:• Why difficult conversations can feel frightening • How boarding school conditioning teaches silence and compliance • The link between trauma, people-pleasing and conflict avoidance • Why resentment builds when we don't speak up • The role of emotional intelligence in courageous leadership • How to have difficult conversations without aggression or blame • The importance of nervous system regulation before speaking • Using "I statements" instead of projection • Why boundaries and conversations are deeply connected • Practical steps to start speaking more truthfullyWhether you're a leader, entrepreneur, former boarder, coach, parent or someone who struggles to speak up, this episode offers practical insights to help you communicate with greater confidence, authenticity and compassion.If this episode resonates, please like, subscribe and share.To learn more about Compassionate Leaders Global:https://www.compassionateleadersglobal.comTo learn more about my work:https://www.piers-cross.com#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #BoardingSchoolSyndrome #TraumaHealing #DifficultConversations #CompassionateLeadership #Relationships #PersonalDevelopment---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

What if the thing holding you back isn't your circumstances, your team, your strategy, or even your mindset?What if it's the story you've been unconsciously living for decades?In this powerful conversation, leadership coach and author Will Steel shares his journey from Royal Air Force pilot to transformational coach and leadership expert.Together we explore authenticity, emotional intelligence, presence, childhood conditioning, pressure, leadership, identity and the pursuit of fulfilment.Will explains why many high achievers spend their lives chasing success while never addressing the deeper beliefs driving them. We discuss self-awareness, dissociation, authenticity, transformational leadership and the powerful concept of Fitra — returning to your true nature.A thought-provoking conversation for leaders, founders, coaches and anyone seeking greater freedom, purpose and authenticity.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

When my wife Michelle died in 2025, I expected grief.What I did not expect was that her death would reconnect me with another loss that had remained hidden for decades.The loss of my mother.The loss of my family.The loss of home.The loss of safety.The loss that began when I was sent away to boarding school.In this deeply personal episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore the striking similarities between bereavement and the boarding school experience. Drawing on the work of Joy Schaverien, Nick Duffell, Peter Sykes and Paul Sunderland, I reflect on why so many ex-boarders struggle with addiction, emotional disconnection, relationship difficulties and unresolved grief.For many children, boarding school was not simply separation.It was bereavement.The difference is that society recognises one form of grief while often denying the other.In this episode we explore:• Why boarding school can be experienced as a profound bereavement• The connection between grief, addiction and emotional suppression• Why ex-boarders often struggle to access their feelings• The impact of losing parents, home and attachment figures at an early age• Joy Schaverien's work on Boarding School Syndrome• Nick Duffell's reflections on British culture and emotional disconnection• Practical ways to process grief safely• How emotional healing supports leadership, relationships and wellbeingIf this conversation resonates, please consider liking, subscribing and sharing with someone who may benefit.Website:https://www.piers-cross.com/#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #Grief #TraumaHealing #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #AttachmentTrauma #HealingChildhoodTrauma #AnEvolvingManPodcast---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

What happens when a leader confronts their own trauma?In this fascinating conversation, Piers Cross sits down with Dr. Ron Kamacho, police chief, leadership consultant and author, to explore how emotional intelligence transformed his life and leadership.Ron shares his journey from highly driven, ego-based leadership to a more compassionate, accountable and emotionally intelligent approach.Together they discuss: Childhood trauma and leadership  The father wound and identity  Emotional intelligence in policing  Leadership under pressure  Building healthy organisational culture  Why ego destroys careers  Self-awareness and introspection  Compassion and accountability  Mental health in law enforcement  The future of leadership A deeply honest conversation about what it truly means to lead yourself before leading others.Timestamps (1:03:25)00:00 Introduction to Dr. Ron Kamacho 02:05 Childhood trauma, policing and proving himself 07:30 Therapy, emotional intelligence and transformation 12:15 Leadership lessons from Afghanistan and Mexico 18:00 Humility, ego and personal growth 22:15 Leadership under pressure and SWAT experiences 28:10 Emotional regulation and self-awareness 33:20 Why leaders struggle with self-awareness 39:10 Growth mindset versus fixed mindset 43:45 Building culture through leadership 49:00 Ego kills careers 53:15 Accountability, compassion and leadership 57:30 Trauma, policing and mental health 01:01:00 Ron's book: Bringing Ego to the Forefront 01:03:25 Closing reflections---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

One of the questions I hear most often from former boarders is:"Why did I hate prep school but love public school?"Or sometimes:"Why was public school much harder than prep school?"In this solo episode, I explore the different experiences people report and why those differences may exist.Drawing on stories from Roald Dahl, David Cameron, Ranulph Fiennes, Bear Grylls and John Peel, I examine how children adapt to boarding school environments and why the first boarding experience often has such a profound impact.We discuss homesickness, bullying, adaptation, dissociation, betrayal trauma and the long-term effects of boarding school on identity, relationships and leadership.Whether you attended boarding school yourself or work with those who did, this episode offers important reflections on how early experiences shape adult life.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why do so many boarding school survivors struggle with boundaries?In this episode, Piers Cross explores how boarding school conditioning can shape people pleasing, emotional suppression and difficulty saying no later in life.Drawing on trauma theory, attachment work and years of coaching leaders and ex-boarders, Piers explores why boundaries can feel dangerous for many trauma survivors — and why nervous system regulation is essential when learning to hold healthy boundaries.Topics include: Boarding school and the “complier” survival strategy  Fight, flight, freeze and appease  Why boundaries feel unsafe  Shame, fear and conflict avoidance  Avoidant attachment and trauma  Boundary repair practices  EFT tapping and Havening  Leadership and emotional intelligence  Nervous system regulation and safety Piers also shares practical boundary exercises inspired by Diane Poole Heller's work on attachment and trauma healing.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

 To register for the webinar: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/why-smart-leaders-still-self-sabotage-identify-and-break-hidden-patterns-tickets-1988408152310Why do we sabotage the very things we say we want?In this episode, Piers Cross explores self-sabotage through the lens of boarding school survival patterns, trauma, leadership and nervous system regulation.Drawing on Gay Hendricks' concept of the “Upper Limit Problem,” Piers explains how many ex-boarders unconsciously return themselves to familiar emotional states whenever success, intimacy, joy or uncertainty begin to increase.Topics include: Boarding school conditioning and emotional suppression  Fight, flight, freeze and dissociation  Why success can feel unsafe  Relationship sabotage  Leadership and emotional regulation  The nervous system and uncertainty  EFT, Havening and mindfulness  Expanding the window of tolerance  Compassionate leadership and healing trauma Piers also shares details about the upcoming free workshop: Why Smart Leaders Still Self-SabotageA reflective and experiential leadership workshop exploring unconscious patterns shaping relationships, work and performance. ---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In episode 160 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Sara Warner, a BACP registered counsellor and Internal Family Systems therapist who specialises in working with boarding school survivors.We explore the vagus nerve, polyvagal theory, nervous system regulation and the potential role of wearable technology and stimulation devices such as the Neurosym, Zeno and Oura Ring.Sara shares what first drew her to these devices through her client work, and we discuss how they may support regulation, sleep, digestion, anxiety and trauma recovery.We also explore why ex-boarders often live in sympathetic or dorsal vagal states, why co-regulation is so important, and how nervous system regulation connects directly with leadership, emotional intelligence and compassionate leadership.---To get the Zenowell wearable: https://zenowell.ai/pierscross and for 10% off please use the code: PIERSCROSSTo purchase the Nurosym please visit: https://nurosym.com/en-gb?sca_ref=10421951.zHplzgHlXcBoth links will support the channel. Thank you for your support.To connect to Sara: https://counsellinginlewes.com/---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Here is the link to this Friday's podcast with Sara Warner about the vagus nerve and wearables: https://youtu.be/HpxcTW0oKI8 In this episode, I explore polyvagal theory, the vagus nerve, childhood trauma and boarding school syndrome.Following my recent conversation with Sarah Warner about vagus nerve stimulation, wearables and nervous system regulation, I wanted to look more closely at what polyvagal theory actually means and why it is so relevant for ex-boarders and trauma survivors.The vagus nerve is one of the main communication pathways between the body and the brain. Much of this communication travels from the body up to the brain, which helps explain why we cannot always think or talk our way out of stress.I explore bottom-up regulation, top-down regulation and co-regulation, including breathwork, movement, humming, posture, touch, orienting practices and safe connection.I also reflect on Nick Duffell's work and how boarding school trauma can affect emotional regulation, attachment, facial reading, intimacy, leadership and our ability to feel safe with others.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode, I explore why criticism can feel so painful for those of us who went to boarding school.For many ex-boarders, criticism does not simply feel like feedback. It can feel like danger. It can activate old patterns of shame, fear, compliance, dissociation or defensiveness.I reflect on boarding school conditioning, the fear of getting things wrong, Nick Duffell's work on wounded leaders, David Cameron's response to criticism, Rick Hanson's “Velcro for negativity and Teflon for positivity,” and Martin Seligman's three Ps: personal, permanent and pervasive.I also share practical ways to regulate the nervous system before responding, and why learning to receive feedback is essential for leadership, intimacy and growth.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In Episode 159 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I'm joined by Professor Helen Odell-Miller OBE, one of the UK's leading pioneers in music therapy.Helen has spent decades working with trauma, attachment, mental health and emotional healing through music. She also worked closely with the late Joy Schaverien, whose work on boarding school syndrome transformed the conversation around early separation and institutional trauma.In this episode we explore: What music therapy is and how it works  Why music can help where words cannot  Helen's own boarding school experience  Joy Schaverien's ABCD model  Hidden abandonment and dissociation  Why resilience is often misunderstood  How music can support connection, regulation and healing A thoughtful and powerful conversation.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Many boarding schools claim they build resilience.But what if what they often create is something else entirely?In this episode, I explore the difference between true resilience and dissociation, and why so many ex-boarders struggle with relationships, emotional regulation, connection and rest later in life.Drawing on the work of Barbara Fredrickson, Emma Seppälä, Joy Schaverien, Nick Duffell and others, I share: Why becoming “bulletproof” is not resilience  How trauma narrows the window of tolerance  Why emotional agility matters  Three practical ways to build real resilience  Why healing often happens in connection If you went to boarding school or work with high performers, this conversation may offer a new lens.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode, I explore the powerful influence of crowds and group behaviour, particularly within boarding school environments.Why do people join in when someone is being shamed or targeted? Why does it happen so quickly — and often without conscious thought?Drawing on Elias Canetti's Crowds and Power and modern neuroscience around mirror neurons, this episode looks at how emotional contagion shapes behaviour — and why many of us still carry guilt or shame about those moments.This is also an episode about self-forgiveness.Understanding that what happened was often about survival — and how we begin to take responsibility without self-judgement.In This Episode: Crowd psychology and emotional contagion  Boarding school group dynamics  Mirror neurons and unconscious behaviour  Shame and the inner critic  Self-forgiveness and healing---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In Episode 158 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I'm joined by Peter Sykes — humanitarian, strategist, writer and author of Somewhere Never Home.Peter has led major humanitarian responses across the world, but in this conversation we explore the deeply personal side of his story.We talk about growing up as a third culture kid, being sent to boarding school at age 10, identity loss, addiction, achievement, emotional suppression, and the long path of healing.This is an honest, moving and hopeful conversation for anyone interested in childhood trauma, boarding school syndrome, recovery, leadership and emotional wellbeing.We Explore: Boarding school and abandonment  Addiction as a response to pain  Achievement and perfectionism  Emotional suppression and intimacy  Third culture kids and belonging  Recovery, therapy and mindfulness  Why it's never too late to heal A powerful episode with depth, wisdom and humanity.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this short solo episode, I reflect on one of the deepest impacts of boarding school:The loss of identity.What happens when children learn that their name, hobbies, feelings and individuality are not safe?Drawing on my recent conversation with Peter Sykes, I explore how institutional environments shape children into survival personalities — the complier, the rebel or the crushed child.We also look at why many adults later struggle to know what they truly want, and how we can begin reconnecting with our authentic selves.In This Episode: Identity loss at boarding school  Names, shame and conformity  Strategic survival personalities  Why authenticity gets buried  How to reconnect with who you really are  Journaling and healing practices A thoughtful and practical episode for anyone exploring boarding school trauma, identity and recovery.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In episode 157 of An Evolving Man, I speak with Kimberly Isherwood and Joan Ginsberg from Public Child Protection Wales.Together we explore one of the most urgent and difficult issues in modern society: how we genuinely protect children from harm.Kimberly and Joan share why Public Child Protection Wales was founded, what they see happening on the ground in education and safeguarding, and why they believe many current systems are not adequately protecting children.We discuss grooming, institutional abuse, safeguarding blind spots, disclosure, adult responsibility, and the cultural reluctance to speak honestly about the realities children can face.We also touch on boarding schools, neglect, attachment, and why child protection must begin with better informed adults, not simply new policies on paper.This is a sobering but deeply important conversation for parents, teachers, safeguarding professionals, and anyone who cares about children's wellbeing.This episode reflects the views and concerns of the guests based on their research, experience and campaigning work.Timestamps00:00 Introduction 01:18 Why Public Child Protection Wales was founded 06:14 Joan Ginsburg's background in education 10:12 Concerns about current practice in schools 16:42 Why certain lesson content is being challenged 22:05 Grooming and how it works 27:18 Systems, institutions and blind spots 31:25 What safeguarding should look like 37:44 Why current training often falls short 44:12 Boarding schools and social services 50:08 Neglect, trauma and attachment 54:45 Why people hesitate to speak up 59:28 The need to normalise hard conversations 01:04:10 What must change 01:08:17 Where to support Public Child Protection WalesFind out morePublic Child Protection Wales publicchildprotectionwales.orgPiers Cross piers-cross.com---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

 To buy tickets for the Glastonbury screening on 18th April 6.30-9pm or to share it: https://www.tickettailor.com/events/goodwillinactiontopreventsuicidecio/2140155 In this short video, I'm sharing some reflections and inviting you to a special screening of our documentary Boarding on Insanity on April 18th in Glastonbury.This feels like a full-circle moment, as we return to the very retreat centre where part of the documentary was filmed.This will be more than just a screening — it's an opportunity to come together, reflect, and have an open conversation about boarding school, trauma, leadership, and the wider impact these experiences may have on society.We'll also explore questions such as: How does childhood trauma shape leadership?  What is the true impact of boarding school on emotional development?  Why is neglect often overlooked, despite its profound effects?  Can healing happen more effectively in groups? If you're nearby or feel called to this conversation, I would love to see you there.

In Episode 156 of An Evolving Man, I speak with Christopher J. Wesley — artist, speaker, and emotional leadership thinker — about trauma, identity, and emotional truth in a world shaped by pressure, performance, and algorithms.Christopher shares his powerful journey from early childhood abuse to rebuilding his identity through grief, creativity, and self-awareness.We explore how trauma shapes the way we see ourselves, why many leaders are disconnected from their emotional world, and how reconnecting with feeling can transform both life and leadership.This episode also introduces Christopher's FRAME Method — a practical approach to integrating emotion and logic in decision-making.A deeply human conversation about healing, resilience, and what it means to live with authenticity.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man, I explore the concept of the outer critic — a key pattern in trauma, CPTSD, and boarding school syndrome.Drawing on the work of Pete Walker, we look at how unresolved emotional pain can turn outward, shaping how we judge, mistrust, and distance ourselves from others.While the inner critic attacks the self, the outer critic targets others — often silently and unconsciously.This episode explores how this pattern develops, how it shows up in relationships and everyday life, and most importantly, how we begin to work with it.We also explore practical tools including mindfulness, somatic awareness, grieving, and vision-based practices to help regulate the nervous system and reduce the intensity of these patterns.A grounded and honest reflection for anyone navigating trauma, leadership, or emotional healing.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man, I'm joined by Deri Llewellyn-Davies — boardroom strategist, creator of the Ultra States framework, and someone deeply immersed in the worlds of performance, pressure, recovery, and leadership.Deri has worked with hundreds of boards and has also pushed himself through extreme endurance events, giving him a rare perspective on what prolonged pressure does to the human system — not only at work, but in relationships, family life, and identity.Together we explore the physiology of stress, the science of flow state, why so many leaders become trapped in chronic control, and what it really takes to recover well.We also look at purpose, regret, emotional intelligence, and why connection may be one of the most overlooked ingredients in sustainable leadership.We discuss: The cost of sustained pressure on body, mind, and relationships  Why many leaders live in chronic stress states  The science and experience of flow state  Recovery, dopamine, burnout, and rebooting the nervous system  Deri's reflections on his father's regret and how that shaped his life  The importance of purpose in work and life  Emotional intelligence and the future of leadership in an AI age  Why connection may be one of the most important human states This is a powerful conversation for leaders, founders, coaches, and anyone wanting to perform well without losing themselves in the process.Suggested timestamps00:00 Introduction 01:10 Deri's path into strategy and performance 04:10 Strategy, instinct, and synchronicity 07:10 Control, masculinity, and pressure 11:10 Why command-and-control leadership is breaking down 18:35 What flow state really is 24:25 Stress, neurochemistry, and being hijacked 29:00 Burnout, recovery, and the need to stop 34:00 Resetting: nature, fasting, and deep recovery 39:10 Regret, fatherhood, and purpose 44:00 Finding your purpose 49:00 Emotional intelligence and AI 54:15 The future of leadership 57:10 Ultra Connect and human connection 59:35 Closing thoughtsFor more info: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thestrategyman/ Or: https://ultra-states.com ---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Over the years I have noticed a common ailment among ex-boarders. And that is stomach issues. Why is that? And what can we do now? #digestion #trauma #boardingschoolsyndrome ---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

Prince Andrew, Epstein, and boarding school trauma — exploring the psychology behind early experiences and adult behaviour.In this episode, I explore the psychological patterns that may sit beneath well-known public narratives.Looking at Prince Andrew, Sarah Ferguson, and Ghislaine Maxwell, I reflect on their early childhood experiences — including boarding school and family dynamics — and how these environments may shape emotional development, behaviour, and relationships later in life.Drawing on trauma research, attachment theory, and Polyvagal Theory, this episode explores:• The long-term impact of boarding school and early separation • Emotional suppression as a survival strategy • The link between childhood trauma and adult behaviour • How the nervous system influences trust and perception • The concept of “wounded leadership”This is not about judgement.It is about understanding how early experiences can shape the way people relate to themselves, others, and the world.At a broader level, this conversation raises important questions about leadership, emotional intelligence, and the environments we create for children.If this episode resonates, feel free to share your reflections or pass it on to someone who may find it meaningful.---Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man, I speak with Dawn Stallwood — corporate and commercial lawyer turned leadership counsel, chief integrity officer, entrepreneur, and author of Beautiful Leadership.Dawn brings nearly three decades of experience advising boards, founders and senior leaders, and in this conversation we explore what it really means to lead with integrity, empathy, humility and courage in times of pressure, uncertainty and change.We speak about:the difference between command-and-control leadership and human-centred leadershipwhy so many leaders have never been properly trainedthe importance of self-awareness, transparency and emotional intelligencehow to build capacity rather than simply drive harderwhat pressure reveals in leaderswhy AI will make human leadership skills even more importanthow leaders can create cultures people genuinely want to be part ofDawn also shares the framework behind her book Beautiful Leadership, including the inner qualities and outer practices that help leaders become more transformative, trustworthy and effective.This is a thoughtful and practical conversation for anyone interested in leadership, culture, ethics, governance, emotional intelligence, and the future of work.Find out more about Dawn and her book at https://thebeautifulleader.com/--- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/

 For the leaders' workshop about dealing with pressure: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/leadership-under-pressure-how-you-can-manage-pressure-better-tickets-1982772564114?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl --- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/

How do leaders behave when pressure rises?In this episode, Piers Cross explores how stress reveals the underlying conditioning that shapes leadership behaviour.Drawing on leadership research and psychology, the conversation looks at how many leaders unconsciously revert to learned survival strategies under pressure — particularly those who grew up in highly structured or emotionally restrictive environments.When stress rises, leaders may shift into command-and-control behaviour, emotional suppression, or over-dominant communication. But research shows that emotional states are contagious. Anxiety, fear, and tension can spread through teams via subtle physiological signals.This episode explores:• how pressure reveals unconscious leadership patterns • the impact of childhood conditioning on leadership behaviour • why emotional suppression spreads stress through organisations • how emotional intelligence helps regulate pressure • practical strategies for developing calmer leadershipDrawing on insights from Daniel Goleman, Emma Seppälä, Nick Duffell, and Michael Bungay Stanier, this conversation explores how leaders can shift from reactive stress responses to emotionally intelligent leadership.Website: https://compassionateleadersglobal.comPodcast: An Evolving Man--- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/

Piers Cross speaks with leadership coach and former professional footballer Matt Young about identity, emotional intelligence, and sustainable performance.After eight years in elite sport, Matt's career ended abruptly. Without football, he was forced to confront anxiety, self-doubt, and a deeper fear many high achievers recognise — not being good enough beneath the role. That painful period led him into the work he now does with executives, business owners, and performers.Together, Piers and Matt explore why high performers often rely on pressure and identity to cope, how the inner critic drives overachievement, and why lasting leadership starts with internal awareness rather than external control.The conversation also covers the drama triangle, emotional ownership, and the difference between mental toughness and emotional intelligence.This episode is particularly relevant for leaders who appear strong outwardly but feel unsettled inwardly — and want a healthier way to lead.Guest: Matt Young https://www.mattyounglc.com/--- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/

In this episode, Piers Cross explores the psychological impact of a child's first night at boarding school and why it often becomes a lifelong emotional imprint.Drawing on accounts from Richard Branson, Sebastian Faulks, and Peter Sykes, we examine what happens when children are separated from their families at a young age. Many remember intense fear, others remember nothing at all — a sign of dissociation.Psychotherapist Joy Schaverien describes this moment as a “threshold experience.” It is not simple homesickness. It is a sudden loss of attachment figures, familiarity, identity, and safety.This episode discusses: • separation and attachment • dissociation in childhood • why some memories are vivid and others blank • adult relationship difficulties • emotional disconnection in high achieversMany adults who attended boarding school later become capable, resilient, and successful — yet struggle with intimacy, vulnerability, and feeling truly at home.Understanding the beginning helps explain the adult patterns.Website: https://compassionateleadersglobal.com Podcast: An Evolving Man--- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/

 In this episode, Piers Cross is joined by Jane Barclay, a humanistic psychology practitioner, UKCP-accredited, and a member of the BACP.Jane shares her journey into counselling and trauma work — beginning with a major life move, a profound sense of disorientation, and what she later recognised as a traumatic reaction to separation. Her story moves into the heart of boarding school experience: early attachment rupture, lack of privacy, “settling in” as dissociation, and the survival strategies that can last for decades.Together, Piers and Jane explore how trauma can speak through the body, why “it could have been worse” is such a seductive defence, and why healing often requires both trustworthy relationship and the repair of community. Jane also shares her late-blooming creativity — writing songs, developing a children's musical, and using rhythm and story to support safeguarding, truth-telling, and the restoration of the heart.Guest: Jane Barclay Website: http://jbcounselling.co.uk/Key themes: Attachment and early separation • Boarding school trauma • Somatic trauma • Dissociation and the “carapace” • Trust and relational repair • Community as healing • Eldership • Creativity and rhythm as medicine--- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/

Many leaders and high performers live as if they are unable to stop.In this episode, Piers Cross explores the long-term psychological effects of boarding school timetabling and how it conditions the nervous system to equate busyness with safety.Children raised in highly structured environments learn to stay constantly active. Stillness becomes uncomfortable — even threatening. As adults this often becomes overwork, productivity addiction, relationship difficulty, and eventually burnout.Drawing on the work of psychotherapist Nick Duffell, performance science, and emotional intelligence leadership, Piers explains why former boarders — and many driven professionals — feel trapped in a cycle of constant doing.This episode covers: • timetabling and psychological conditioning • why rest triggers anxiety • burnout in leaders and executives • the nervous system and safety • a simple visualisation exercise to retrain the bodyThe goal isn't to stop achieving.It's to learn when to step off the train.Website: https://compassionateleadersglobal.com Podcast: An Evolving Man--- Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community Many blessings, Piers Cross http://piers-cross.com/

 What does boarding school shame do to a child's nervous system — especially when it's wrapped in privilege, silence, and “you should be grateful”? In this episode of An Evolving Man, I'm joined by Jessica Boston — trauma-informed transformation coach and creator of The Homecoming Method (a somatic approach integrating subconscious reprogramming, nervous-system safety, and reparenting). Together we explore how shame forms in boarding school environments through: