Podcast appearances and mentions of olga khazan

This debut episode is ideal listening for all athletes, especially ones in a pursuit of increased athletic enjoyment and success. Along with host Sarah Bowen Shea, Coach Liz Waterstraat does a deep dive into the new book Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change by Olga Khazan. Among other things, Coach Liz discusses the importance of openness during a race; how conscientiousness can help runners succeed in training; and why being more outgoing might deepen your connection to running. (As promised, here's Coach Liz on Goodreads.)   Other books Coach Liz recommends:  How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be: Katy Milkman Four Thousand Weeks: Oliver Burkeman Unwinding Anxiety: Judson Brewer   When you shop our sponsors, you help AMR. We appreciate your—and their—support!   Check out the full Currex lineup +  get 15% off with code AMR15 at Currex.com   Sleep well: Use code AMR to get 40% off  sitewide at bearmattress.com Get 20% off, plus free shipping, on all IQBAR products by texting AMR to 64-000 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the person you think you are… isn't fixed, but flexible? Award-winning journalist and Atlantic staff writer Olga Khazan joins Lo for a vulnerable, thought-provoking conversation that will make you question everything you believe about your personality. Based on her new book Me, But Better, Olga shares how she used science-backed strategies to shift her own personality—and how you can too. She opens up about the anxiety she's battled, her relationship with her mother and father, and what it was really like to challenge a lifetime of beliefs about who she was supposed to be. From introvert to more extroverted, from self-critical to self-compassionate—Olga's journey proves that transformation is possible. Plus, Lo shares a powerful mental “spring cleaning” tool at the top of the episode to help you reset your headspace and finally make space for the version of you that's been waiting underneath the surface. If you've ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or like change is out of reach—this episode is for you. You're not broken. You're not too late. And you're absolutely not stuck. Stay Connected to The Lo Life! Your Favorite Cult Facebook: Join the Coven: The Lo Life FB Group Instagram: @thelolifepodcast Your host: @stylelvr TikTok: @thelolifepodcast This Week's Guest: Olga Khazan We have deals and steals for our kings and kweens- all thanks to our sponsors QUINCE: High fashion clothing for affordable prices. Discount code lolife at check out for free shipping NUTRAFOL: $10 off your first month's subscription and FREE shipping with promo code LOLIFE THRIVE MARKET: healthy eating! Lo's go to spot for healthy, clean food and snacks. Are you ready for a junk free 2025? use code LoLife for 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if you could rewrite the code of your personality—on command? Not just cope with anxiety, overthinking, or social exhaustion… but delete the traits holding you back and install better ones? This episode challenges everything you've been told about identity. Dave dives deep into the science of personality change to reveal why your habits, moods, triggers, and even sense of self aren't fixed—they're fluid. And more importantly: they're up for grabs. Joining him is award-winning journalist from The Atlantic, Olga Khazan, author of Me, But Better, who spent years hacking her own mind—transforming high neuroticism, social avoidance, and chronic self-criticism into calm, confidence, and connection. Her personal experiment in identity rewiring became a roadmap for anyone who wants to feel different… and live differently. You'll uncover the hidden mechanisms behind neuroticism, reactivity, and emotional spirals—and how to override them with real-time upgrades. What You'll Learn in This Episode: • Why your personality is a program—and how to recode it • What daily behaviors scientifically rewire anxiety, anger, and reactivity • The surprising link between identity, inflammation, and your gut • Why gratitude isn't soft—it's neurological jiu-jitsu • How to know if it's your biology or your story running the show • Whether pills, psychedelics, or sleep do more to shift who you are • What to do when your inner critic won't shut up • And how to stop being the person you never meant to become SPONSORS -LMNT | Free LMNT Sample Pack with any drink mix purchase by going to https://drinklmnt.com/DAVE. -Leela Quantum Tech | Head to https://leelaq.com/DAVE for 10% off. Resources: • Olga's New Book – Me, But Better: https://www.amazon.com/Me-But-Better-Science-Personality/dp/1668012545 • Dave Asprey's New Book - Heavily Meditated: https://daveasprey.com/heavily-meditated/ • Olga's Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/olganator/?hl=en • Olga's Website: https://olgakhazan.com/ • 2025 Biohacking Conference: https://biohackingconference.com/2025 • Danger Coffee: https://dangercoffee.com • Dave Asprey's Website: https://daveasprey.com • Dave Asprey's Linktree: https://linktr.ee/daveasprey • Upgrade Collective – Join The Human Upgrade Podcast Live: https://www.ourupgradecollective.com • Own an Upgrade Labs: https://ownanupgradelabs.com • Upgrade Labs: https://upgradelabs.com • 40 Years of Zen – Neurofeedback Training for Advanced Cognitive Enhancement: https://40yearsofzen.com Timestamps: • 0:00 — Trailer • 1:52 — Intro • 2:16 — Personality Changes and Neuroticism • 5:38 — Postpartum Personality Shifts • 10:21 — Gratitude and Cultural Beliefs • 18:13 — Anger Management and Empathy • 32:58 — Personality Traits and Boundaries • 35:46 — The Importance of Strong Boundaries • 36:07 — Personality Change as Self-Improvement • 37:22 — The Role of Medication in Personality Change • 39:18 — Brain-Body Connection and Mental Health • 43:26 — Impact of Sleep and Nutrition on Personality • 44:23 — Nicotine and Other Substances • 45:41 — Therapy and Personality Change • 46:43 — Changing Personality Through Behavior • 1:01:25 — The Role of Relationships in Personality Development • 1:04:49 — Challenges and Methods in Personality Change • 1:08:38 — The Power of Improv in Personality Change • 1:10:17 — Conclusion and Final Thoughts See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Are you stuck thinking, "This is just who I am?" Think again. Science shows your personality might not be as fixed as you think. Olga Khazan knows this firsthand. As a journalist and author, she embarked on a journey to change her personality. And now she's discovering what she learned. Some of the things we discuss are: The five core personality traits and how they shape your life Why science says personality isn't as fixed as you think The habits and exercises that can help you become more outgoing, less stressed, or more ambitious How Olga's year-long experiment radically changed her reactions, relationships, and outlook on life Insightful ways to step outside your comfort zone and grow into your best self Subscribe to Mentally Stronger Premium for exclusive content like bonus episodes, signed books, and 30-day challenges that will keep you growing stronger. Links & Resources OlgaKhazan.com Instagram — @Olganator Me, But Better Personality Test Connect with the Show Buy Amy's books on mental strength Connect with Amy on Instagram — @AmyMorinAuthor Sponsors OneSkin — Get 15% off OneSkin with the code STRONGER at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod Calm — Get 40% off a Calm Premium Subscription at calm.com/STRONGER ZocDoc — Go to Zocdoc.com/STRONGER to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! AirDoctor — Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code STRONGER to get UP TO $300 off today! Shopify — Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at Shopify.com/mentallystronger! Branch Basics — Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code STRONGER15 at https://branchbasics.com/STRONGER15 #branchbasicspod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Finding misery in even the best circumstances was always one of writer Olga Khazan's special talents. So she set out to change her personality, using science to become more open, less neurotic, and maybe even a little happier. Starting as an experiment for The Atlantic, Khazan tested whether an introvert can learn to be more comfortable in social situations and if a procrastinator can be more productive. Her new book is called Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change.

Award-winning journalist and The Atlantic staff writer Olga Khazan spoke to me about the worst way to launch a book, writing long-form watchdog journalism, and her latest ME, BUT BETTER, The Science and Promise of Personality Change. Olga Khazan is a staff writer for The Atlantic – covering science, health, and psychology for more than a decade – and the author, previously, of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World. She was also The Atlantic's Global editor, and ​​former host of The Atlantic's podcast How To Start Over. In her forthcoming book Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change (S&S/Simon Element), she reveals the science behind lasting personality change, and explains how anyone, at any age, can seize the reigns of their destiny. New York Times bestselling author Gretchen Rubin called the book, “Hilarious, honest, and packed with cutting-edge research…”, and #1 New York Times bestselling author Adam Grant wrote, “This book shatters the myth that personality is set in stone. Drawing on state-of-the-art evidence and rich personal experience, Olga Khazan artfully reveals what our traits really are—and how we can adapt them to achieve our goals.” Olga Khazan has also written for The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, Vox, and other publications. She is a two-time recipient of the International Reporting Project's Journalism Fellowship and winner of the 2017 National Headliner Award for Magazine Online Writing. [Discover The Writer Files Extra: Get 'The Writer Files' Podcast Delivered Straight to Your Inbox at writerfiles.fm] [If you're a fan of The Writer Files, please click FOLLOW to automatically see new interviews. And drop us a rating or a review wherever you listen] In this file Olga Khazan and I discussed: How she got her start at The Atlantic Why she never got to see her first book in a bookstore Turning a piece of long-form journalism into a book pitch Why reducing your neuroticism by even a small amount can improve your life On crappy first drafts  And a lot more! Show Notes: olgakhazan.com Olga Khazan - The Atlantic Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change by Olga Khazan (Amazon) Kelton Reid on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some people just seem to have more luck. Things seem to go their way. When you look closer, those lucky people often have some interesting traits in common. If you want to become luckier in life, listen to the beginning of this episode. https://www.popsci.com/luck-real/ Are you stuck being who you are – or can you change your personality – or at least parts of it? The evidence is clear that not only is personality change possible but also, the people who do make changes are generally happy they did. Joining me to discuss the science of personality change and how to implement it is Olga Khazan. She is a staff writer for The Atlantic and has also written for The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post and other publications. She is author of the book ME BUT BETTER: The Science and Promise of Personality Change (https://amzn.to/3DJhcGT). After the truck comes and picks up your trash, where does it all go? It's hard to answer because it can go to a lot of different places. And your recyclables, particularly the plastic – that can end up on the other side of the world. In fact, plastic has become a big problem because it isn't as recyclable as people think. The journey your trash takes is a fascinating one and one worth understanding. Here to explain it is Alexander Clapp. He is a journalist and author of the book Waste Wars: The Wild Afterlife of Your Trash (https://amzn.to/4kSv3vh). What can a person's handshake tell you about their physical health? More than you think. Listen as I reveal the relationship between a person's handshake and their risk of dementia and stroke. https://www.prevention.com/health/a20431307/weak-handshake-linked-to-stroke-risk/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can you change who you are? When reporter Olga Khazan decided she was tired of being a “high-strung misanthrope” (her words), she turned to science for answers. What she discovered about personality — and how to change it — might surprise you. Host: Daniel Pink Guest: Olga Khazan Book: Me, But Better This episode was recorded live at Politics and Prose on March 12th.

Olga Khazan discusses the surprising findings on how personality change can be possible and beneficial. — YOU'LL LEARN — 1) The problem with “authenticity” 2) The surprisingly simple secret to changing your personality 3) The simple interventions that make us less neurotic Subscribe or visit AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep1042 for clickable versions of the links below. — ABOUT OLGA — Olga Khazan is a staff writer for The Atlantic and the author, previously, of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World. She has also written for The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, Vox, and other publications. She is a two-time recipient of the International Reporting Project's Journalism Fellowship and winner of the 2017 National Headliner Award for Magazine Online Writing. She lives with her husband and son in Northern Virginia. • Book: Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change • Substack: OlgaKhazan.substack.com • Writer Profile: Olga Khazan, The Atlantic — RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE SHOW — • App: TapeACall • Website: PersonalityAssessor.com • Term: Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) • Course: 8-week MBSR courses • Study: “Is Personality Fixed? Personality Changes as Much as ‘Variable' Economic Factors and More Strongly Predicts Changes to Life Satisfaction” by Christopher J. Boyce, Alex M. Wood, and Nattavudh Powdthavee • Researcher: Nathan Hudson • Author: Jon Kabat-Zinn • Book: How to Say Babylon: A Memoir by Safiya Sinclair • Book: The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are by Michael Slepian — THANK YOU SPONSORS! — • Earth Breeze. See all that BambooHR can do at bamboohr.com/freedemo • Strawberry.me. Claim your $50 credit and build momentum in your career with Strawberry.me/AwesomeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Harvard University science historian Rebecca Lemov talks about brainwashing, mind control and hyper-persuasion. Then, is it really possible to change your entire personality in a year? Award-winning journalist Olga Khazan reveals the science behind lasting change.

Research shows that you can alter your personality traits by behaving in ways that align with the kind of person you'd like to be—a process that can make you happier, healthier, and more successful. What is the science behind creating lasting change in who you are? Olga Khazan is the author of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change.

By Walt HickeyDouble feature today!Welcome to the Numlock Sunday edition.This week, I spoke to Olga Khazan who wrote the brand new book, Me, But Better. Olga appears all the time in Numlock because I really like her work, she's a staff writer at The Atlantic and previously wrote a delightful book that I really enjoyed called Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World.The book dives into the science of personality, where it comes from, and the real ways that we can change our own personalities in one direction or another. In it, Olga becomes a guinea pig for all kinds of radical experiences to change her personality. Olga can be found at The Atlantic, and the book is available wherever books are sold. This interview has been condensed and edited. Olga Khazan, thank you so much for coming on.Yeah, thanks so much for having me.You are the author of the brand new book Me But Better. I loved your book Weird which was out just a few years ago. This book is all about how to change your personality. It is a really exciting journey. I know that it started with an article that you published in The Atlantic, but what drew you to the art and science of changing one's personality?Really it's because personality is at the root of so much self-improvement and personal growth. I noticed that I tended to see things really negatively a lot of the time, and I was also really socially isolated. it was keeping me from enjoying life and appreciating what I had and just getting the most out of what life had to offer me. I really saw personality change as a way to fix all or improve that in one fell swoop.Great. You talk a lot from the framework of the Big Five. I really enjoyed how grounded in the scientific literature it was. The Big Five is potentially somewhat different from the Myers-Briggs structure that a lot of people know. Before we dive into how you went about doing a gut renovation on your personality, I would love to hear a little bit about what the Big Five are, where you came in on some of it, and what you wanted to see if you could change.Yeah, so generally the accepted scientific view today is that there are five traits that make up personality. You can remember them with the acronym OCEAN. The first is Openness to experiences, which is like imaginativeness and creativity. The next is Conscientiousness, which is being super organized, being on time. The next is Extroversion, which is being friendly and cheerful and sociable. Then there's Agreeableness, which is being warm, empathetic and also trusting of others. Then there's Neuroticism, which is a bad thing; it is depression and anxiety. The opposite of that, which is the one that you want, is emotional stability.When I started taking these scientific personality tests at the start of the project, I scored very low on Extroversion, very high on Neuroticism and I scored about average on Agreeableness. Those were the ones that I wanted to change.That's fascinating. I want to actually follow up with that. I did not hear you put a good, bad valence on any of the other ones besides neuroticism. It seems like most of these…people can have a full and fulfilling life with one or the other. What made Neuroticism pop out?You can have a full and fulfilling life without being on the outer extreme on any of these, but I would say it's generally better to be higher on all of them other than Neuroticism. You don't want to be all the way to the extreme. You don't want to be so agreeable that you're just like a doormat. It's generally better for your mental health and well-being and stuff to be pretty agreeable, pretty extroverted, pretty conscientious.Neuroticism popped out to me because that is one that I was super high on. It's very bad for your mental health. The definition is pretty much having bad mental health. It was keeping me from having a fun life, having a good life. Your happiness is determined by how you feel moment to moment and not by how many goodies you have. Even when I had a lot of goodies, I was sort of still miserable.Fascinating. Just to get into some of the literature on that, there was this amazing study that you cited in the book that says knocking down your Neuroticism by a few points was worth the equivalent of getting a $300,000 annual income increase. It seems like this is a really significant reverberation on just how people assess themselves.Yeah, even a really minor decrease in neuroticism can have a really big benefit for your life and have a lot of benefits for your mental health. This is why people spend so much time in therapy and get on SSRIs and things like that. Both of those have been shown to decrease neuroticism. So it really is a very popular personality trait that people like to work on.So how'd you go about it?For Neuroticism, the technique is really a lot of meditation. It's really hard to get away from that. People keep wanting me to say something else, but it's a lot of mindfulness meditation. The other component that I did was gratitude journaling. You can do this exercise where you write a letter to someone in your life that you're really grateful for, which will inevitably make you just weep hot tears because you're like “I'm so thankful.” So you can do exercises like that.But really the day-to-day practice that I did and that people recommend is mindfulness meditation. In particular, a lot of the Buddhist teachings in the mindfulness class that I took were really helpful to me. I think often in the day-to-day of life, I get really wrapped up in these negative thought spirals, and it really helped me have a more realistic way of looking at things that were less negative.Fascinating. I always love it when you ask “What's the one simple trick to solving your problem?” It's always just “Oh, you just have to exercise every day. Oh, you just have to meditate”I know! Just completely change your life in every way and spend all your time on self-care.Let's go through some of the other ones. Definitely Extroversion I think is a really interesting one. Again, you have happy introverts in life. You have happy extroverts in life. You wanted to get more extroverted.I think I would still identify as an introvert. It's not like you have to abandon that identity if that's important to you, but really it's about: am I getting enough social connection to fill up that bucket in my life? I really was not. I almost reflexively (even before the pandemic) if people would invite me out for a happy hour or something, I would just reflexively say no. Now as a new parent, I'm kicking myself because I'm never going to get to go to happy hour again. I would kill for a happy hour with people. Please come have happy hour with me.I would just kind of say no because I was like, “Well, I don't know if it's going to be that fun. Who all is going to be there?” I was doing these cost-benefit analyses. I found that once I actually forced myself and I was like “Okay, I'm actually going to go out a lot. I'm actually going to socialize. I'm going to do improv. I'm going to go to Sailing Club.” Once I go to these things and do them, I actually do feel happier. I felt better afterward, even if I wasn't in the mood to go beforehand.Again, you took some incredibly extreme steps over the course of this. People should consult a doctor before joining an improv group. But you went ahead and did that.Yeah. Improv was probably the scariest thing for me to try. But it was also the most efficacious, I would say.Really?Yeah, because it is such good practice with so many things that bother neurotic, introverted control freaks. It's basically shattering the pretty little world that you live in, if you're like me. It's a completely uncontrolled environment. You don't get a say over what is said or what happens in improv because it's all up to other people. It's a performative thing, which makes me very uncomfortable. I have stage fright. It's silly, and I have issues being silly. It's spontaneous. It is very whimsical. It involves really reading other people very closely, moment to moment, which can also be really challenging if you don't get out much and you are super introverted. So I would say improv just plunges you into figuring out other people all in one go.Amazing. I want to back out a little bit and talk about this book in the context of your previous book. Can we talk a little bit about the distinction between personality and identity? Your previous book, Weird, really honed in on some of the advantages of being weird, being somewhat different than those around you had. It was interesting in this book because you were pursuing qualities that not necessarily made you less weird necessarily, but also made it easier to plug in with other people at times, right? Obviously, these are different things, but you're still a very unique person. You still have a fascinating background. I don't think any part of this book really comes across as you losing anything. It's interesting to just have this book and it just in perspective of your previous one, just because it seems like it's an interesting way to perceive working on yourself without changing yourself too fundamentally.Yeah, that's an interesting point. I think, honestly, what this helped me to do is to embrace the positive things about being weird or my unusual identity. For people who haven't read my previous book or don't know who I am, I am a Russian immigrant and I grew up in West Texas. That element of me was like in this book, Weird, where wrote about other people and how being different from other people around you can be both a source of pain and a source of strength.I think now I am better able to focus on the source of strength element of this because I am less sensitive by virtue of being less neurotic to the slight microaggressions that you sometimes get if you don't totally belong in your milieu. A lot of the other people who were “weird” that I interviewed, picked up on.There's a scene in the book where I describe going to a bar and the bartender weirdly asked me if I'm always alone. It sent me on this spiral of like, what's wrong with me? Like why would someone ask me if I'm always alone. That's so weird. I was like, was my outfit really bad? Do I look like I'm homeless? I just sort of started spiraling, you know, but that kind of thing honestly happens a lot less since I started doing this. I feel like, now, I would respond to that with “Nope, just for the moment” and not think much of it. I don't know. So it gave me some perspective on my weirdness, I guess.That's fascinating. Again, I really enjoyed the book because it talks about a lot of effective ways to change elements of people's personalities that they might want to adjust. In personality, it just seems like there's a lot of pseudoscience. There's a lot of rumors. There are a lot of things that don't work. What are some of the things that you looked into that never really panned out, or things that aren't as effective as people might think at changing their personality?Oh, good question. So for me, for Openness to experiences, a big suggestion is traveling. A lot of the studies on increasing openness suggest that you travel. I definitely have had travel experiences where they've totally opened up my mind and I've been like “Whoa, man,” and had all these ideas and felt more creative afterward.But for this book, I went to Lisbon, Portugal, which has completely exploded as a travel destination recently. I really am not kidding when I say that if you walk around the streets of Lisbon, it's pretty rare to actually hear Portuguese. Mostly, I heard Australians, British people and people from other Western European countries who were like tourists. I was obviously also a tourist, so I'm not saying that it's wrong to be a tourist or that it's bad. But there's something about it that didn't work on me. I just felt like I was at Disneyland or something. I was like, “Okay, now we're all going to this church. Now we're all looking at this thing.” It didn't feel, I don't know, I guess very genuine. Whatever the sojourner effect is supposed to be didn't work on me.That's interesting. With the openness to experience element, you wrote a little bit about how there are some people for whom this is just a bolt from the blue. They have an experience, and it permanently changes their personality forever. They've been studied a little bit, but that is the exception to the rule in many ways.Yeah. So there's this guy who wrote this book, Quantum Change, which is a very weird book. He interviewed people who said their personalities did change after some epiphany or something happened. And these epiphanies were really weird. They happened in all sorts of circumstances. Some of them were cleaning their toilets. Some of them were smoking pot or doing whatever. A lot of it was rock bottom type stuff, like “I was an alcoholic” type thing. But that, I would say, is the exception. For the people who I interviewed for this book (who changed their personalities), it was more of a methodical pursuit of something over time. They had to build and build and build towards something rather than just snap, I'm different now.Interesting. One of the ones that you wrote about, Conscientiousness, You approached somewhat with trepidation because you scored very high on Conscientiousness already, right?Yes. Yeah.So it also seems that Conscientiousness is (based on what you just said) one of the harder ones to change. If you have to be conscientious about changing your personality, it's tough to become more Conscientious, you know?Yeah, and one thing that really seemed to make the difference for people…I interviewed one woman who really wanted to start a business, but she was not very self-directed, I guess is the best way to put it. She just wasn't really a natural self-starter, so she didn't know how to get up and go and do something like that. Then I interviewed another guy who really wanted to go to grad school for psychology, but he got to college without ever having written a paper before, and he never studied. He actually bought a book called How to Make A's because he did not know how to make A's. One thing that really made the difference for folks like that who are like “I don't know what I'm doing” is having a big goal that was really, really important to them. It was like the big project that they were working toward.What research tells us is that having these personal projects that are really important to you can really inspire personality change when it gets really challenging. Having a good career in academia was just so important to this guy that it didn't matter to him that he wasn't really the typical candidate for that thing. For the woman who wanted to start a business, she had ended up in a dead-end job and she really did not want to return to that. So they both had these fires under them. They were like, “I'm going to achieve this thing and it is going to require conscientiousness.” So that is what kept them going.Yeah, I really identified with that chapter just because (not to talk down a previous version of myself too much) I was occasionally living the dissolute drunken journalist lifestyle. Then, I started writing a daily newsletter and at a certain point, that really does give you a long-term daily obligation that was fairly instrumental to my own Conscientiousness. I really identified with that chapter and those folks who managed to get a specific goal to change them up, you know?Yeah. Yeah. There was actually another dissolute drunken journalist in that chapter who was actually one of the most remarkable transformations of all the people I talked to. He did, he was drinking so much, like a case of beer a day, basically. Then the pandemic started and he actually didn't have an obligation. It was a lack of an obligation. He got laid off when the pandemic started and he was like, “Oh, am I just going to drink the pandemic away? I need to have some sort of structure or something that I'm doing that isn't this.” So that was, weirdly, what clicked for him. It doesn't always have to be work, but it often is.I feel like there was this trend for a while: there was a lot of work coming out that was very, very clearly heavily influenced by the pandemic. I do not describe this work as heavily influenced by the pandemic because it's very clearly very resident beyond simply that era. That being said, the pandemic has come up a lot.People sometimes just needed a big break, a bolt from the blue, something that shook them out of their daily lives to change up one or more of their personality traits. How much is that a factor in this? I know in your own experience, it came up to some extent. Big life changes come around all the time, it doesn't have to just be a pandemic, but how do those give us opportunities to change who we are?Yeah, there's a lot of interesting research on this actually about how turning points or breaking points can be like a good time to start something new. I know that a lot of people don't keep their New Year's resolutions, but it's actually a good thing to make them. The reason why we pick the first of the year is because it's turning over a new leaf. It's nice to have those clean breaks sometimes.I'm not saying that the pandemic was a good thing because it was a nice reset moment for us. But it did play a resetting role for me. It really gave me time to think about what it is that I want and like what's standing in my way. You do get trapped in your routine — commuting to work, at the office all day, commuting back, now I'm too tired and I don't want to go back out, I'm just going to sit here and have my wine and watch my TV.I think just having a break in that routine is what shifted it for me.Fascinating. There's one last one that we haven't really talked too much about: Agreeableness. What did you find with this? Again, this was a category that you didn't score particularly low on, but you still had a few opportunities to try to shake up your numbers a bit.Yeah. I think one thing with Agreeableness that I learned is that there's a lot of room for deepening the connections that you already have. It's true that I didn't get out and meet a ton of people, but I also was getting in a lot of fights with my friends. I sometimes found that when I was having conversations, they weren't very deep or they were surface-y. That would annoy me, then it would make me not want to have any more conversations. One thing that I did that was really helpful for that was go to this conversation workshop in London. This woman, Georgie Nightingale taught us strategies for having deeper and more interesting conversations.One tip that I will share here is to ask someone what something meant to them. Instead of collecting facts (when you're asking someone how was your day, how did this go, how did that go, what airline did you take to get here) ask why was that important to you. Or why was that meaningful to you? That will generally lead you into a more interesting tangent. Though, it can be initially a little bit awkward than this is where you're from, this is what airline you took, this is how many pieces of luggage you packed, the typical third degree we give people.Got it. All right. I will take that advice — specifically, what did making this book mean to you?This book made me really happy. I felt like it gave me a reason to break out of some of my habits that I didn't love. There are some habits that I have kept up. I'm just really glad that I did it before I had a baby.Yeah. I really enjoyed reading it because it felt very intentional. It was a chance to do work on oneself, but also getting into the data of why this is the way it is. What have you held onto from this process? I know that when you wrote the article in The Atlantic a few years ago, you mentioned that you dropped a few of the habits but what have you still stuck with?One thing I have stuck with is that I've realized that when I am feeling down or depressed or out of sorts, what I should do is actually connect with people and not disconnect. I often thought that I needed more alone time because I'm feeling sad. But actually, what I often need in those moments is more time with other people. That has flipped my approach to a lot of things now where I actually seek out more socializing and more interaction whenever I'm feeling a little bit withdrawn if that makes sense.That's really interesting. Is there anything that you tried that you were like, “Oh, this is nice, but I don't need to be this open to experience.” Is there anything that you dropped off from?Yeah, there was this thing I did in the Neuroticism chapter that involved noting and noting is very weird. It's like where you make note of what you're doing, like thinking, seeing. For example, I'm seeing a red bird or I'm thinking that this is strange or I'm hearing yelling or whatever. I have not kept up with noting. I always found it really weird and hard and I have not been doing it.That's interesting. Yeah. I don't, I don't think building some dissociation into my day is a good thing for Walter. So I can understand that. Yeah. Again Olga, thank you so much for coming on. I guess I'll give you just the floor here a little bit. Why don't you tell folks a little bit about the book, where they can find it and where they can find you?Yeah. Um, the book is Me, But Better. You can find it wherever books are sold March 11th. I'm Olga Khazan and I have a sub stack under my same name, olgakhazan.substack.com. I also write for The Atlantic and you can find a lot of my writing there.Yeah. I will just personally say, I really dig the substack. I like your work there a lot. It was really fun to follow some of the work that you were doing on the book from there and definitely strongly endorse it. Also, The Atlantic. Pretty good too. Very good.Yeah. And The Atlantic is also good!All right. Well, thank you so much for coming on.Thank you so much for the kind words and thanks for having me.Edited by Crystal Wang.If you have anything you'd like to see in this Sunday special, shoot me an email. Comment below! Thanks for reading, and thanks so much for supporting Numlock.Thank you so much for becoming a paid subscriber! Send links to me on Twitter at @WaltHickey or email me with numbers, tips or feedback at walt@numlock.news. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.numlock.com/subscribe

“I possessed a unique ability to find suffering in even the best circumstances,” admits Atlantic writer Olga Khazan. That trait is one reason why she wished for a different personality; she wasn't seeking radical change, just one to make her life a little bit better. And over the course of a year she did just that, embarking on a journey through the science of personality. Khazan interviewed researchers, took improv classes, learned to sail and surf, reluctantly meditated, and journaled with the intensity of a preteen in unrequited love. She chronicles her quest towards an improved self in her new book, “Me, But Better.” We talk to Khazan, and hear from you: Have you tried to change your personality? How did it go? Guests: Olga Khazan, author, "Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change" and "Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World."; staff writer, The Atlantic

Have you ever wondered “If I wanted to change my personality, would I be able to?” Or have you ever wondered if it was possible for someone else to truly change their personality? This was a question that today’s guest wondered about herself and so she went on a journey to find out whether it was really possible to change your entire personality! Joining the podcast today is Olga Khazan. Olga is a writer for The Atlantic, and the author of the new book Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. Olga spent a year experimenting with her own personality to see if she could become more extroverted, a lot less neurotic, and a little more agreeable. We speak about: Exactly why you might like to change your personality How much of our personality is ‘hard wired’ The ‘big 5’ personality traits: extroversion, neuroticism, agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness. How different aspects of our personality affects our relationships Making friends when you’re not particularly extroverted Can you change someone else’s personality? Do certain life stages encourage a personality change? What things can you do to change your personality? You can get Olga's new book Me, But Better You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you ever wish you could be more confident, less anxious, or just a little more you, only better? Today we're joined by Olga Khazan, staff writer at The Atlantic and author of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. Olga shares what she learned during a year-long experiment in tweaking her habits, mindset, and daily routines — and what actually works when it comes to personal growth. Plus, it's Sleep Awareness Week! So in today's Mailbag, we're diving into one of the most overlooked factors in financial success, quality sleep. Joining us to tackle your questions is Luke Kelly, CEO of Bryte, a company at the forefront of sleep technology. Use code HERMONEY at bryte.com for $500 off the Bryte Balance model and $750 off the Bryte Balance Pro and Pro Conform.

Olga Khazan, staff writer at The Atlantic and the author of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change (S&S/Simon Element, 2025), talks about her new book and what she found on her year-long quest to become a "better" person.

Olga Khazan, author of Me, But Better, explores the science of personality changeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ever wish you could hit refresh on a few of your personality traits? Maybe you want to be less nervous, more outgoing, or become a little more organized. Olga Khazan, author of the new book "Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change" is chatting us through the HOW TO's of all that and more, so grab a pen and buckle up. We cover: The "Big 5" personality traits-- emotional stability, extraversion, openness, agreeableness & conscientiousness How to figure out where you rank on each of the Big 5 traits Are you still being "authentic" if you try to change your personality? Olga's tips (based on years of research and personal experience) for changing your personality Action steps you can take to become more extroverted, less neurotic, more open and/or more conscientious Take the personality test Olga took HERE! Get Olga's Book HERE! Read Olga's other work at The Atlantic HERE! Connect with Olga on her Substack HERE! Subscribe to our Patreon HERE to access exclusive content! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you know there's an actual science to uncovering your hidden genius? It's not about filling out a “dream job” worksheet—it's about understanding how your brain is wired, identifying your natural aptitudes, and using them to thrive. This isn't just a self-discovery exercise. It's a game-changer for your career, your relationships, and how you show up in the world. Betsy Wills and Alex Ellison are redefining how we approach career discovery, proving that finding the right path isn't just about landing a job—it's about creating a life that aligns with who you actually are. ✅ Betsy Wills – Cofounder of YouScience, a groundbreaking psychometric assessment platform reshaping how we understand our talents. She's also the Director of Marketing & Branding at Diversified Trust and a frequent lecturer at Vanderbilt University and NYU's Stern School of Business. ✅ Alex Ellison – Founder of Throughline Guidance, a global college and career counseling practice. She's a sought-after writer, speaker, and expert in college readiness and career development. ✅ Together, they co-authored Your Hidden Genius: The Science-Backed Strategy to Uncovering and Harnessing Your Innate Talents. Discovering your hidden genius isn't just about career success—it's about tapping into what makes you, you. Connect with Betsy & Alex:  Website (Free Downloads): www.yourhiddengenius.com Book: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/your-hidden-genius-elizabeth-m-willsalexandra-ellison Related Podcast Episodes: How To Be You, But Better with Olga Khazan | 288 Finding Purpose Through Human Design with Emma Dunwoody | 228 195 / Finding (And Using) Your Voice with Amy Green Smith Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!

Olga Khazan is a staff writer for The Atlantic and the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World. She has also written for The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, Vox, and other publications. She is a two-time recipient of the International Reporting Project's Journalism Fellowship and winner of the 2017 National Headliner Award. Olga is also the author of a new book on changing your personality, Me, But Better, which releases March 11.   Olga joined host Robert Glazer on the Elevate Podcast to discuss her own experiment to change her personality, the big five personality types, and much more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It feels like the personality we have is the one we're stuck with, regardless of how much we wish we were different...but is that really the case? In today's episode we are joined by writer and author Olga Khazan who ran a year long experiment to see how much she could change her personality to be more outgoing, less anxious and hopefully, happier. We discuss: The root of all personalities What does science say is the best kind of personality When does personality become stable Is it possible to change? How could we change our personality? The results of her experiment then & now + much more Listen now! Olga's book here: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Me-But-Better/Olga-Khazan/9781668012543 PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Kelly connects with The Atlantic journalist Olga Khazan whose new book, “Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change,” follows her as she attempts to change her own personality including taking improv classes in order to boost her extroversion.  “Improv taught me I can rely on others to supply their side of the […]

Doree and Elise speak with Olga Khazan, Atlantic writer and author of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change about how much of your personality is fixed vs changeable, the underrated but life-changing value of niceness, and a mindset shift to deal with the tumultuous times we're living in. To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach Doree & Elise at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.Visit forever35podcast.com for links to everything they mention on the show or visit shopmyshelf.us/forever35.Follow the podcast on Instagram (@Forever35Podcast) and sign up for the newsletter at forever35podcast.com/newsletter. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever caught yourself thinking, Why am I like this? Maybe you wish you were more outgoing, less anxious, better at setting boundaries, or just less awkward at small talk (or maybe that's just me). But this episode isn't about forcing you to become someone you're not. It's about understanding how personality works, what's actually within our control, and whether we can tweak the internal settings to become a version of ourselves we actually like being. And that's exactly what our guest set out to prove—through science and a little self-experimentation. Olga Hazan is an award-winning journalist, staff writer for The Atlantic, and the author of Me, But Better, where she explores the science of personality change. But she didn't just research it—she spent a year experimenting on herself, testing whether she could intentionally reshape key aspects of her personality. Because why just write about something when you can live it? The truth is, whether you like it or not, you are changing. The question is: do you want to have a say in how? Connect with Olga Khazan:  Website: https://olgakhazan.com/  IG: https://www.instagram.com/olganator/ Book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Me-But-Better/Olga-Khazan/9781668012543 Substack: https://olgakhazan.substack.com/ X: https://x.com/olgakhazan  Related Podcast Episodes: All The Ways We Get In Our Own Way with Thais Gibson | 235 Leading From The Inside Out with Dana Maor | 278 VI4P - Know Who You Are (Chapter 4) Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!

Stand Up is a daily podcast that I book,host,edit, post and promote new episodes with brilliant guests every day. Please subscribe now for as little as 5$ and gain access to a community of over 700 awesome, curious, kind, funny, brilliant, generous souls Check out StandUpwithPete.com to learn more GET TICKETS TO PODJAM II In Vegas March 27-30 Confirmed Guests! Professor Eric Segall, Dr Aaron Carroll, Maura Quint, Tim Wise, JL Cauvin, Ophira Eisenberg, Christian Finnegan and The Ladies of The Hue will all join us! Olga Khazan is a staff writer for The Atlantic and the author of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. Her first book, Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World, came out in 2020. She has also written for The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, Forbes, and other publications. She is a two-time recipient of the International Reporting Project's Journalism Fellowship and winner of the 2017 National Headliner Awards for Magazine Online Writing. Join us Monday's and Thursday's at 8EST for our Bi-Weekly Happy Hour Hangout!  Pete on Blue Sky Pete on Threads Pete on Tik Tok Pete on YouTube  Pete on Twitter Pete On Instagram Pete Personal FB page Stand Up with Pete FB page All things Jon Carroll  Follow and Support Pete Coe Buy Ava's Art  Hire DJ Monzyk to build your website or help you with Marketing      

In this episode, you'll learn: Why you keep falling back into old patterns (and the weird brain science behind breaking free) The real reason most people fail when trying to change themselves How to tell if your personality traits are helping you grow or just keeping you safe and stuck    What if everything you believe about your personality is just an elaborate story you've been telling yourself? You know where these stories come from, right? That voice in your head. You know the one. It's got you totally convinced about who you are. "I'm just not good with money." "I'll always be anxious." "This is just my personality." But here's the thing about personalities. They're not set in stone. They're more like stories we tell ourselves over and over until we believe them. And trust me, our brains are really good at finding evidence to support whatever story we're telling. Think about it. Every time you react to something, your brain is basically taking notes. "Oh, this is how we handle stress. Got it. Filing that away for next time." Before you know it, you've got these deep grooves in your brain. Like a record that keeps playing the same song because that's where the needle naturally falls. Here's where it gets good though. Science is showing us something pretty wild: these grooves in our brain? They're not permanent. Every single experience you have is literally rewiring your brain. Creating new pathways. New possibilities. Today our guest is Olga Khazan, staff writer at The Atlantic and author of "Me, But Better." She's done the research, run the experiments, and found out what it really takes to change who you are. Not just on the surface, but at your core. Links from the episode: Show Notes: mindlove.com/389 Join the Mind Love Collective Sign up for The Morning Mind Love for short daily notes to wake up inspired Support Mind Love Sponsors Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For this extended holiday, enjoy some of our favorite recent conversations:For the centennial series "100 Years of 100 Things," Errol Louis, political anchor of Spectrum NY1 News, host of Inside City Hall and The Big Deal with Errol Louis, New York Magazine columnist and host of the podcast You Decide, talks about the past 100 years of the influence of Robert Moses on the New York area, which also coincides with the 50th anniversary of Robert Caro's exhaustive biography of Moses, The Power BrokerMitchell Moss, professor of urban policy and planning at New York University's Wagner School, and Rachel Weinberger, Peter W. Herman chair for transportation at Regional Plan Association, talk about the ideas and proposals on how to undo the most harmful parts of Robert Moses' legacy, especially the expressways that have divided and polluted neighborhoods.In another installment in the centennial series, Jonathan Zimmerman, professor of history of education at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of several books, including Whose America? Culture Wars in the Public Schools (University of Chicago Press, September 2022), traces the history of the so-called "culture wars" in public education, from the Scopes trial, to religion in schools, sex ed and the controversies of today over critical race theory, masks during COVID and more.Olga Khazan, staff writer at The Atlantic and the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World (Hachette Go, 2020) and the forthcoming Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change (S&S/Simon Element, 2025), talks about a study suggesting the current "loneliness epidemic" isn't because of a lack of friends, but a lack of time to spend with them. These interviews were lightly edited for time and clarity; the original web versions are available here:100 Years of 100 Things: Robert Moses (September 18, 2024)Undoing Robert Moses' Legacy (September 20, 2024)100 Years of 100 Things: School Culture Wars (September 23, 2024)Why Loneliness Isn't About Numbers (September 12, 2024)

In an era of unprecedented access to political information, a fascinating phenomenon has emerged: the political ostrich, who deliberately avoids campaign coverage until the final moments before casting their vote. Olga Khazan from The Atlantic points out that this conscious disengagement represents not apathy, but rather a strategic response to the overwhelming nature of modern political media consumption. These Americans have developed their own unique approach to civic duty, choosing to preserve their mental well-being while still participating in democracy. 

Join Boyd Matheson in digging into this Thursday’s headline! Phelim Kine shares about the recent prisoner exchange that the U.S. negotiated in with Beijing and the quiet manner it was done in. Olga Khazan shares about the “political ostriches” and the new strategy people are taking in engaging with politics. See how the democratic world can battle autocracy today with Anne Applebaum and More!

Olga Khazan, staff writer at The Atlantic and the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World (Hachette Go, 2020), explains why the current "loneliness epidemic" isn't because of a lack of friends, but a lack of time. 

This week's article:"Take a Wife ... Please!" by Olga KhazanNext week's articles:"When You Don't Feel Like Having Sex With Your Spouse" by Lauren Washer"Sex Drive: What it means, what's high, low, and normal" by Emilie Lavinia

This week's resources:Here's the No. 1 thing that makes relationships successful, say psychologists who studied 40,000 couples by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz GottmanThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by Dr. John GottmanNext week's article:"Take a Wife ... Please!" by Olga Khazan

The radical approach of Zen meditation: Turning inward rather than looking outside ourselves. Reading and commenting on I Gave Myself Three Months to Change My Personality: The Results Were Mixed by Olga Khazan and Novice to Master: An Ongoing Lesson in the Extent of My Own Stupidity by Roshi Soko Morinaga Dharma Talk by Ven. Trueman Taylor.  Automated Transcript The post No-self, Personality, and Our Desire to Change appeared first on Rochester Zen Center.

Are you the same person you were a decade ago? Do we get better as we age? And is your sixth-grade class clown still funny?  SOURCES:Aaron (Tim) Beck, professor emeritus of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania.Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard University.Olga Khazan, staff writer at The Atlantic. Brian Little, professor of psychology at the University of Cambridge.Jordi Quoidbach, professor of people management and organisation at ESADE, University Ramon Llull.Carl Rogers, 20th-century psychologist.Martin Short, actor and comedian.Richard Wiseman, professor of the public understanding of psychology at the University of Hertfordshire.Timothy Wilson, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia. RESOURCES:"I Gave Myself Three Months to Change My Personality," by Olga Khazan (The Atlantic, 2022)."You Can Be a Different Person After the Pandemic," by Olga Khazan (The New York Times, 2021)."The Theory of Modes: Applications to Schizophrenia and Other Psychological Conditions," by Aaron T. Beck, Molly R. Finkel, and Judith S. Beck (Cognitive Therapy and Research, 2020).“Brian Little: Are Human Personalities Hardwired?" by Guy Raz (TED Radio Hour, 2017).I Must Say: My Life As a Humble Comedy Legend, by Martin Short (2014)."The End of History Illusion," by Jordi Quoidbach, Daniel T. Gilbert, and Timothy D. Wilson (Science, 2013)."Age Differences in Personality Traits From 10 to 65: Big Five Domains and Facets in a Large Cross-Sectional Sample," by Christopher J. Soto, Oliver P. John, Samuel D. Gosling, and Jeff Potter (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2011)."The Rank-Order Consistency of Personality Traits From Childhood to Old Age: A Guantitative Review of Longitudinal Studies," by Brent W. Roberts and Wendy F. DelVecchio (Psychological Bulletin, 2000). EXTRAS:Big Five Personality Inventory, by No Stupid Questions (2024).Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, TV series (2012-present).

Health care wasn't expected to be a major theme for this year's elections. But as President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump secured their respective party nominations this week, the future of both Medicare and the Affordable Care Act appears to be up for debate. Meanwhile, the cyberattack of the UnitedHealth Group subsidiary Change Healthcare continues to do damage to the companies' finances with no quick end in sight. Margot Sanger-Katz of The New York Times, Anna Edney of Bloomberg News, and Joanne Kenen of Johns Hopkins University and Politico Magazine join KFF Health News' Julie Rovner to discuss these issues and more. Also this week, Rovner interviews Kelly Henning of Bloomberg Philanthropies about a new, four-part documentary series on the history of public health, “The Invisible Shield.” Plus, for “extra credit” the panelists suggest health policy stories they read this week that they think you should read, too. Julie Rovner: The Washington Post's “Navy Demoted Ronny Jackson After Probe Into White House Behavior,” by Dan Diamond and Alex Horton.Joanne Kenen: The Atlantic's “Frigid Offices Might Be Killing Women's Productivity,” by Olga Khazan.Margot Sanger-Katz: Stat's “Rigid Rules at Methadone Clinics Are Jeopardizing Patients' Path to Recover From Opioid Addiction,” by Lev Facher.Anna Edney: Scientific American's “How Hospitals Are Going Green Under Biden's Climate Legislation,” by Ariel Wittenberg and E&E News. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ozempic and other drugs like it are being heralded as game changers for weight loss. Radio Atlantic host Hanna Rosin talks to Atlantic staff writer Olga Khazan about what it means that this medical intervention has arrived at a time when our society seems to be easing away from fat shaming and moving toward celebrating all body types.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If all there was to go on were sitcoms, movies, and mainstream editorials, we'd have to conclude that marriage is a direct path to misery, the “old ball and chain” that only ties us down, limits our freedom, and cramps our sexual fun. Many people now think of marriage less as “settling down” and more as “settling.” Young people are told, “You've got plenty of time, live a little, first,” as if life ends after the wedding.   The truth about marriage, however, is that it is, statistically, the single best predictor of long-term happiness. Making this even more important to understand is that for at least the last 20 years now, Americans have been steadily getting less happy.    Writing at UnHerd, sociologist Brad Wilcox and the Institute for Family Studies' David Bass point to new research from the University of Chicago that suggests that “Americans who are married with children are now leading happier and more prosperous lives, on average, than men and women who are single and childless.” And not just a little bit happier, either. According to Wilcox and Bass there is a “startling 30-percentage-point happiness divide between married and unmarried Americans.”  In other words, the happiness divide and the marriage divide are largely the same. Sam Peltzman, lead researcher behind the University of Chicago paper, isolated all other factors among thousands of respondents, including income, education, race, location, age, and gender. He concluded that “the most important differentiator” when it comes to who is happy and who is not is marriage. “Low happiness characterizes all types of non-married,” Peltzman writes, whether divorced, widowed, or never married. “No subsequent population categorization will yield so large a difference in happiness across so many people.”  In other words, the decline of marriage over the last several decades is causing the decline in happiness, or at least most of it. As Peltzman told The Atlantic in statistical hyperbole: “The only happy people for 50 years have been married people.”   Olga Khazan, who wrote the Atlantic piece and has been cohabiting with her partner for 15 years, says these stats also struck her as counterintuitive. However, she then admits that “this is a fairly consistent finding dating back decades in social-science research: Married people are happier. Period.”  Of course, happiness isn't the sole or even the best reason to get married. Many things in life carry deep meaning and significance that don't necessarily make us happy. A life lived only for happiness is a futile “chasing after the wind.” Enduring suffering, overcoming trials and tragedy, or sacrificing time, energy, or even our lives for others are all richly worthwhile pursuits that yield rewards in eternity. Certainly, loving someone and raising godly children is worth it, even if it's not always fun.   And we should note, “happiness” is a malleable word. When survey participants say being married or having children made them “happy,” they may often mean that these permanent connections give them lasting joy, something more profound than fleeting happiness, which surveys seldom quantify.      Still, these consistently stark results are unmistakable. They should challenge the entire way of thinking in sitcoms, movies, and editorials. Marriage is one of the chief sources of wellbeing and satisfaction in life. The fact that marriage rates have declined so dramatically over the last 50 years has had real, population-wide consequences.  Because the reasons people are not marrying at the same rates are so complex, different solutions will be required to raise the marriage rate. According to Wilcox and Bass, one of the most important reasons is the fact that, for many Americans who are living together and may already have children, getting married incurs a tax “penalty.” The federal government needs to, in their words, stop “making marriage a bad financial bet for lower-income families.”   That would be a good start. Ultimately, however, our bad laws are reinforced by a low view of marriage that has infected hearts and minds via entertainment, media, culture, and individual choices. We have a worldview problem, which has led to a conflict between the values and priorities of millions of people and the way they were actually created to live.   Marriage is part of God's plan for humanity and for His creation. No other human institution forges such lasting and consequential bonds. So, it should surprise no one—least of all Christians—that our nation's 50-year experiment with alternatives to marriage has left huge numbers of people deeply unhappy. Thanks to social science, we know the solution. The question now, for each of us and for all of society, is whether we're willing to commit.   This Breakpoint was co-authored by Shane Morris. For more resources to live like a Christian in this cultural moment, go to breakpoint.org. 

What is it that pulls one person toward another, and connects them? What does love and attraction do to our brain, and vice versa? Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has been studying questions of love and relationships for over 40 years. Through detailed data collection, research questionnaires and even brain scans, she has collected massive amounts of information on the topic, and identified four main styles of thinking that guide a person's behavior and lovelife. Fisher is the chief scientist for Match.com, and a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. In this 2017 interview from the Aspen Ideas Festival archives, Atlantic writer Olga Khazan talks to Fisher about why love takes so many different forms and trajectories, and looks so different for all of us. They cover attraction, romantic love, slow love, divorce, adultery and what keeps love alive.

When we regret our past, it can feel like we're incapable of changing our future. But it may be our past “mistakes” that help us realize there is room to evolve.  In the finale episode of How to Start Over, we explore how regret can be a catalyst of change, what holds us back from self-forgiveness, and how to reconcile our past mistakes—and move forward for good. Conversations with Shai Davidai, an assistant professor at the Columbia Business School, and forgiveness expert Everett Worthington help us identify whether regret hinders our growth or serves as a catalyst of change. This episode was produced by Rebecca Rashid and is hosted by Olga Khazan. Editing by A.C. Valdez and Claudine Ebeid. Fact-check by Ena Alvarado. Engineering by Matthew Simonson. Special thanks to Adrienne LaFrance, executive editor of The Atlantic.  Be part of How to Start Over. Write to us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com. To support this podcast, and get unlimited access to all of The Atlantic's journalism, become a subscriber. Music by FLYIN (“Being Nostalgic”), JADED (“Blue Steel”), Mindme (“Anxiety [Instrumental Version]”), and Timothy Infinite (“Rapid Years”). Click here to listen to more full-length episodes in The Atlantic's How To series. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

More incidents of road rage. People are now smoking on the subway. Early 2021 saw the highest number of “unruly passenger” incidents in airline history, according to the FAA. It seems people are acting stranger than ever. But what's behind all of this? Olga Khazan, a staff writer at The Atlantic, wrote about this very topic. She joins WITHpod to discuss the role that the pandemic has played in increased disruptive behavior, why mental health issues aren't the only factor to blame, and more.

In the post-social-distancing era, some of us can't remember how to make a new friend. But for many, making friends has always been a challenge—left as an unfulfilled desire without any clear course of action.  In this episode of How to Start Over, we explore the barriers to friendship formation in adulthood, how to navigate conflict, and why starting over as a better friend begins with getting out of our own heads.  This episode was produced by Rebecca Rashid and is hosted by Olga Khazan. Editing by A.C. Valdez and Claudine Ebeid. Fact-check by Ena Alvarado. Engineering by Matthew Simonson. Special thanks to Adrienne LaFrance, executive editor of The Atlantic.  Be part of How to Start Over. Write to us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com. To support this podcast, and get unlimited access to all of The Atlantic's journalism, become a subscriber. Music by FLYIN (“Being Nostalgic”), Monte Carlo (“Ballpoint”), Mindme (“Anxiety [Instrumental Version]”), Timothy Infinite (“Rapid Years”), and Sarah, the Illstrumentalist (“Building Character”). Click here to listen to more full-length episodes in The Atlantic's How To series. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Romantic relationships often show us the deep divide between expectations and reality. For any relationship struggling to overcome conflict, the first step to starting over may be identifying how your vision of marriage is out of step with your partner's.  In this episode of How to Start Over, we explore why some marriages can withstand conflict, why most couples struggle to validate their partner's needs, and how to think about when a breakup is in order—by better understanding why the relationship is struggling.  This episode was produced by Rebecca Rashid and is hosted by Olga Khazan. Editing by A.C. Valdez and Claudine Ebeid. Fact-check by Ena Alvarado. Engineering by Matthew Simonson. Special thanks to Adrienne LaFrance, executive editor of The Atlantic.  Be part of How to Start Over. Write to us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com. To support this podcast, and get unlimited access to all of The Atlantic's journalism, become a subscriber. Music by FLYIN (“Being Nostalgic”), Monte Carlo (“Ballpoint”), Mindme (“Anxiety [Instrumental Version]”), Timothy Infinite (“Rapid Years”), Sarah, the Illstrumentalist (“Building Character”), and Gregory David (“Twist One”). Click here to listen to more full-length episodes in The Atlantic's How To series. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a society dominated by romantic couples, it can be hard to accept your unpartnered state for what it is. But for the “single at heart,” the desire for partnership is nonexistent—replaced with a sense of self-sufficiency, satisfaction, and robust friendships.  In this episode of How to Start Over, we explore misconceptions about singlehood and what explains a broad perception of it as an unwelcome fate. We also talk about how social and economic structures orient themselves around couples, and discuss arguments for why stigmas against solo living and single life are long overdue for a change.  This episode was produced by Rebecca Rashid and is hosted by Olga Khazan. Editing by A.C. Valdez and Claudine Ebeid. Fact-check by Ena Alvarado. Engineering by Matthew Simonson. Special thanks to managing editor Andrea Valdez and Adrienne LaFrance, executive editor of The Atlantic.  Be part of How to Start Over. Write to us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com. To support this podcast, and get unlimited access to all of The Atlantic's journalism, become a subscriber. Music by FLYIN (“Being Nostalgic”), Timothy Infinite (“Rapid Years”), and Matt Large ("Value Every Moment" “The Marathon Will Continue [For Nipsey]”). Click here to listen to more full-length episodes in The Atlantic's How To series. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some families have the frictionless ease of unconditional love and understanding, but for many the stalemate of family tensions can be insurmountable. In this episode of How to Start Over, we explore what can be done to evaluate the dynamics in lifelong family relationships, find ways to manage our emotional response when tensions boil over, and analyze what it means to change a parent-child relationship as an adult.  This episode was produced by Rebecca Rashid and is hosted by Olga Khazan. Editing by A.C. Valdez and Claudine Ebeid. Fact-check by Ena Alvarado. Engineering by Matthew Simonson. Special thanks to Adrienne LaFrance, executive editor of The Atlantic.  Be part of How to Start Over. Write to us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com. To support this podcast, and get unlimited access to all of The Atlantic's journalism, become a subscriber. Music by FLYIN (“Being Nostalgic”), Mindme (“Anxiety [Instrumental Version]”), Sarah, the Illstrumentalist (“Building Character”), and Timothy Infinite (“Rapid Years”).  Click here to listen to more full-length episodes in The Atlantic's How To series. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A professional change in midlife can provide a much-needed reset—at least when you're looking for a career that more closely aligns with your passion. But finding what you love, especially once you've gone down an entirely different path, can feel impossible. How do we redirect our efforts away from what we're used to and toward what we want to do?   In this episode of How to Start Over, we explore what impacts our decision making in midlife, whether midlife malaise explains our need for change, and how to know if a professional change is worth it. Conversations with novelist Angie Kim and professor of human development and social policy Hannes Schwandt help us think through whether it's ever too late to do what you really love.  This episode was produced by Rebecca Rashid and is hosted by Olga Khazan. Editing by A.C. Valdez and Claudine Ebeid. Fact-check by Ena Alvarado. Engineering by Matthew Simonson. Special thanks to Adrienne LaFrance, executive editor of The Atlantic.  Be part of How to Start Over. Write to us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com. To support this podcast, and get unlimited access to all of The Atlantic's journalism, become a subscriber. Music by Matt Large (“Value Every Moment,” “The Marathon Will Continue [For Nipsey]”), FLYIN (“Being Nostalgic”), and Blue Steel (“Jaded”). Click here to listen to more full-length episodes in The Atlantic's How To series. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In The Atlantic's new series How To Start Over, Olga Khazan takes listeners on a journey of reinvention. How To Start Over is your guide to navigating life's gray areas, whether knowing it's time to make a career switch, repairing strained family ties, or forging new connections in a post-pandemic world.   Be part of The Experiment. Use the hashtag #TheExperimentPodcast, or write to us at theexperiment@theatlantic.com.

In this series, Atlantic staff writer Olga Khazan analyzes what it takes to change our relationships, our work, and our perspective—with a practical approach to one of life's greatest mysteries: how to start over.  Change can be really hard. Inertia is powerful, mortgages and marriages are long-term, and personality traits can feel pretty hardwired. But we're in an era characterized by change. This series is your guide to starting over in the ways you've always wanted, why change is so hard, and whether it is, sometimes, overrated. This series was produced by Rebecca Rashid and hosted by Olga Khazan. Editing by A.C. Valdez and Claudine Ebeid. Fact-check by Ena Alvarado. Sound design by Matthew Simonson. If you have any questions, stories, or feedback, please email us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com or leave us a voicemail at 925-967-2091. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Violence at the airport or over mask mandates, rudeness, crime and reckless driving are all on the rise. Olga Khazan, staff writer at The Atlantic and the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World (Hachette Go, 2020), explores the theories as to why people are behaving so badly. @BrianLehrer I've noticed people have been PRESSED. I attributed it to folks being locked up in Covid for 2 yrs and warming temps cuz of climate change shortening fuses and simmering tempers — an italian girl from new york (@xmasslh) April 7, 2022 It started in the 90s. Humor on television and movies started glorifying disrespect insults as hilarious. It's been all downhill from there. The pandemic has accelerated and exacerbated the problem, but it did not start the decline. — Francesca (@lacasinera) April 7, 2022 When it comes to politics, too many people are now treating governing like sports. Working together and coming to consensus on laws are considered to be the actions of losers. — Lisa (@vegaslisa777) April 7, 2022 I'll add to the convo about why some folks are harming each other more: I agree w/folks being pressed & untethered, ALSO its the competitiveness that gets stirred up when people think there is scarcity. It raises all our adrenaline & puts folks into fight or flight all the time — Ashley (she/her) (@ACSawyerJustice) April 7, 2022 I'm a car owner but also a biker and pedestrian and the driving out there is insane. Maybe b/c more cars on the road from pandemic (NYC surpassed LA for traffic), construction, etc. People regularly and casually run reds, block bike lanes, drive on wrong side (!). Also real rage. — Avi Glickstein (@HelloHarvi) April 7, 2022 This isn't new. Preston Brooks almost beat Charles Sumner to death on the floor of Congress in the 1800's. — Hugo Chavez's Ghost (@1stab1egenius) April 7, 2022 @BrianLehrer maybe one way these trends connect is that we find out things we thought were necessary, like going to the office, aren't; and so we question whether other things we thought were rules (don't call names, don't wave a gun) are also overthrown — no relation to josh or bethany, those creeps (@bklynharuspex) April 7, 2022 Such a relevant and timely topic, @BrianLehrer. Can't count the # of times I've said to myself recently, "We've lost our minds." I think the "us vs. them" mindset, which is perpetuated by social media, politicians and cable news, drives a lot of these outbursts. — Erin Sandberg (@Erin_Sandberg) April 7, 2022 Olga, there are many types of meditation, consider yoga, Tai chi or jiu jitsu. Inhale pink, exhale blue. — Captain Critical John E. Capobianco (@jecapobianco) April 7, 2022

Violence at the airport or over mask mandates, rudeness, crime and reckless driving are all on the rise. How have the pandemic's upheavals made our behavior, stranger? On Today's Show:Olga Khazan, staff writer at The Atlantic and the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World (Hachette Go, 2020), explores the theories as to why people are behaving so badly.

While U.S. officials track Russian troop movements near Ukraine's capital, they're also detecting airstrikes on military airfields in Western Ukraine. Meantime, President Zelenskyy is demanding Russia release Melitopol Mayor Ivan Fedorov after claims he was abducted by troops. Plus, President Biden formally calls on Congress to end normal trade relations with Russia. Garry Kasparov, Tom Nichols, Eugene Daniels, Olga Khazan, Julia Davis and Sergiy Stakhovsky join.