POPULARITY
3 episodes with eight dates
4 episodes with eight dates
2 episodes with eight dates
2 episodes with eight dates
3 episodes with eight dates
2 episodes with eight dates
In this episode of Great Practice, Great Life, Steve welcomes Colleen Goldenfarb back to explore how lawyer work-life balance can unlock professional success, especially for attorneys. Colleen dives deep into the powerful connection between a thriving marriage and a flourishing legal career, drawing from her personal experiences and the Our Great Life Couples Workshop. Colleen challenges the myth that financial success alone brings fulfillment, showing how integrating a strong, harmonious home life with your legal practice leads to true happiness. She shares actionable insights on balancing the demands of a legal career with a healthy relationship, proving that lawyer work-life balance is key to thriving in both realms. Discover practical strategies to achieve the balance you desire, including regular rituals like scheduled intimacy and strategic vacation planning to keep your relationship vibrant. Colleen also highlights the value of weekly meetings with your partner to manage family logistics and strengthen your bond, something that is essential for any attorney seeking harmony. She recommends tools like John Gottman's Eight Dates and personality assessments like Myers-Briggs to deepen connections and navigate differences effectively. Learn how investing in your relationship boosts productivity and satisfaction at work, creating a fulfilling life rooted in authenticity. Whether you're a seasoned attorney or just starting out, this episode offers a fresh take on lawyer work-life balance—showing how success in law and love go hand in hand. In this episode, you will hear: Exploring the link between a strong home life and professional success in the legal field Colleen Goldenfarb's insights from her journey with her husband, Craig, to balance marriage and a thriving legal practice Importance of regular rituals and scheduled intimacy to maintain passion in relationships How tools like “Eight Dates” and personality assessments can enhance personal connections Instituting weekly meetings for consolidating issues and improving home efficiency Strategies for crafting fulfilling vacations by aligning personal and relationship dynamics The holistic integration of life and career for a more fulfilling existence Follow and Review: We'd love for you to follow us if you haven't yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We'd love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. If there's a topic you would like us to cover on an upcoming episode, please email us at steve.riley@atticusadvantage.com. Supporting Resources: Episode 115: The Cost of Work Addiction and How to Reconnect at Home with Colleen Goldenfarb: atticusadvantage.com/podcast/the-cost-of-work-addiction-and-how-to-reconnect-at-home Craig M. Goldenfarb, Esq.: goldlaw.com/our-team/craig-m-goldenfarb Episode 061: The Secrets to Becoming an 8-Figure Attorney with Craig Goldenfarb: atticusadvantage.com/podcast/the-secrets-to-becoming-an-8-figure-attorney-with-craig-goldenfarb The Summit: nsslfc.com Our Great Life Couples Workshop: atticusadvantage.com/workshops/our-great-life-couples-workshop My Great Life® Planner: atticusadvantage.com/books/my-great-life-planner Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman: www.amazon.com/Eight-Dates-Essential-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/1523504463 50 Things to Do When You Turn 50 by Ronnie Sellers: www.amazon.com/Things-When-Turn-Third-Milestone/dp/1416246371 Design Your Life: Weekly Meeting Agenda1. Wins 2. Where we're stuck 3. Review 90-day goals 4. Review/update pending projects 5. Calendar call 6. Request something of each other for the following week 7. Hug Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.
In this episode, we dive into the principles of relationship building through the framework offered by the Gottman Institute in their book "Eight Dates," exploring the foundations necessary for a successful partnership. Over the next three episodes, we will focus on these essential conversations, beginning with the critical themes of trust and conflict. Trust, which is fundamental, is built over time through consistent, small actions that reflect care and reliability, rather than grand gestures. Commitment acts as the glue, reinforcing the trust between partners and emphasizing the decision to choose each other every day, even amidst challenges. I encourage couples to engage in meaningful conversations about what trust and commitment look like in their lives—asking questions about personal histories, triggers related to trust, and how they can nurture each other's sense of security. What you'll learn from this episode: The foundations of relationships Building trust and commitment navigating conflict Featured on the show: Follow me on Instagram to learn more about navigating your wedding with grace and ease: https://www.instagram.com/karaghassabeh/ Check out **The Bridal Prep Academy:** https://karamaureen.com Let's connect on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KaraMaureenBridalCoaching Get your copy of the book, **Whispers to a Bride:** https://www.amazon.com/Whispers-Bride-handle-stress-drama/dp/B0BCRXBQFN/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1UXWJVJOF3MNI&keywords=whispers+to+a+bride&qid=1662643892&sprefix=whispers+to+a+bride%2Caps%2C141&sr=8-1
In this episode we answer emails from Chris, Andrew and Jenzo. We discuss portfolio, forms of leverage in leveraged portfolios, transitioning to a Golden Butterfly portfolio, and working with your spouse productively on your finances.And THEN we our go through our weekly portfolio reviews of the eight sample portfolios you can find at Portfolios | Risk Parity Radio.Additional links:Father McKenna Center: Home - Father McKenna CenterArticle re Margin vs. Leveraged ETFs: Margin Trading vs. Leveraged ETFs | Cumberland AdvisorsOptimized Portfolios: Optimized Portfolio - Investing and Personal FinanceLeveraged ETFs Article: Double-Digit Numerics - Articles - The Big Myth about Leveraged ETFs (ddnum.com)Warren Buffett's Alpha Article: Full article: Buffett's Alpha (tandfonline.com)Gottman -- "Eight Dates" Book: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (gottman.com)Amusing Unedited AI-bot Summary:Ever wondered if using margin or leveraged ETFs is the smarter choice for your investment strategy? This week on Risk Parity Radio, we promise to shed light on this ongoing debate. As we kick off the episode, we liken our podcast to a dive bar of personal finance where humor enthusiasts and seasoned investors alike can find common ground. With a lively introduction, we announce the grand unveiling of our weekly portfolio reviews for eight sample portfolios available on our website. An email from Chris sets the stage for a deep dive into the nuances of leveraging investments using margin or box spreads, responsible leverage, and current rates, all while thanking our generous listeners for their support of the Father McKenna Center.Are high margin rates making you reconsider your investment strategy? We dissect this dilemma by exploring the current landscape and why leveraged ETFs might just be your best bet. With a focus on ETFs like NTSX and UPRO, we suggest additional resources such as Optimized Portfolios to help you navigate your options. Inspired by listener feedback, we also touch on the concept of optimal leverage, referencing studies like "Warren Buffett's Alpha," and discuss the importance of consistent investing strategies over market timing when building a risk-parity portfolio over the next five years.Ready for some good news? This has been an exciting week in the market, with gains across the board. From the S&P 500 to managed futures, everything is up, and our eight sample portfolios are reaping the benefits. We highlight the standout performances of newer and experimental portfolios like the Levered Golden Ratio and the Optra Portfolio. To wrap things up, Frank Vasquez delivers a spirited and humorous sign-off, reminding us to consult with personal advisors before making any financial decisions. Tune in for a rollercoaster of insights and laughs that you won't want to miss!Support the Show.
Bron and Marie chat about working well with couples on common issues like sexual desire discrepancies, communication, and conflict. Marie shares her approach to using the Gottman method for assessment and intervention, stressing the need for balancing conflict resolution with positive interactions. They also chat about
I was pleasantly surprised when I listened to a podcast with James Sexton, a divorce lawyer who's seen the ups and downs of couples for 25+ years in his career and has a lot of wisdom to share from it. Today's episode focuses on a key thing he sees that leads to relationship breakdown: 1. Not knowing what you want or need, and 2. Not knowing how to express what you want or need. I explore different categories that it can be helpful to explore your needs in, two book recommendations to help you get started, and tips for HOW to communicate needs in a helpful way. If you want to explore this more in private coaching… Sign up here. If you're loving the podcast… JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month. Books mentioned in the episode: Eight Dates by John and Julie Gottman Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson *Amazon affiliate links — Additional resources: Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access) Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coaching Download the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship Anxiety Visit my website Connect with me on Instagram
Rhomas Men's Team podcast here. As always, if you resonate with our content, please follow, like, share, comment, and support our channel: https://www.rhomas.com/ In today's discussion, we delve into the theme of "Family Truths" from Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman's insightful book "Eight Dates." Understanding and embracing each other's family backgrounds and values is crucial for building a strong and resilient relationship. We'll explore how the book guides couples to have meaningful conversations about their family histories, traditions, and the impact these have on their relationship. By discussing family truths openly, couples can develop deeper empathy and appreciation for each other's perspectives and experiences. Join us as we unpack the lessons from "Eight Dates" on integrating family truths into your relationship, fostering a more connected and harmonious partnership. #FamilyTruths #EightDates #RelationshipGoals #Understanding #Rhomas
Rhomas Men's Team podcast here. As always, if you resonate with our content, please follow, like, share, comment, and support our channel: https://www.rhomas.com/ Today, we're focusing on "Room to Grow," a key theme from the insightful book "Eight Dates" by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. This theme emphasizes the importance of personal growth within a relationship and how partners can support each other's development. We'll explore the strategies presented in the book for fostering an environment where both individuals feel encouraged to pursue their passions and goals. This includes creating a balance between togetherness and independence, and celebrating each other's achievements. Join us as we delve into how "Room to Grow" can enhance your relationship, ensuring both partners thrive individually and as a couple. #PersonalGrowth #EightDates #RelationshipGoals #SupportivePartnership #Rhomas
Rhomas Men's Team podcast here. As always, if you resonate with our content, please follow, like, share, comment, and support our channel: https://www.rhomas.com/ In today's session, we review a crucial aspect of "Eight Dates," the renowned book by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman: "Building Trust." Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, and this book provides practical guidance on how to cultivate and strengthen it through intentional and meaningful dates. We'll explore the strategies and activities recommended by the Gottmans for building trust, focusing on open communication, honesty, and vulnerability. By engaging in these structured dates, couples can foster a deeper sense of security and connection, laying the groundwork for a lasting and fulfilling relationship. Join us as we delve into the insights from "Eight Dates," and discover how to build and maintain trust with your partner. #BuildingTrust #EightDates #RelationshipGoals #CoupleGoals #Rhomas
Rhomas Men's Team podcast here. As always, if you resonate with our content, please follow, like, share, comment, and support our channel: https://www.rhomas.com/ In today's session, we delve into a review of "Eight Dates," a book by renowned relationship experts Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. This insightful book is designed to help couples strengthen their bond through eight meaningful and intentional dates. We'll discuss the key themes of the book, including communication, trust, and intimacy, and how these dates can provide a structured approach to deepening your connection with your partner. Each date focuses on a different aspect of a healthy relationship, offering practical advice and activities to foster understanding and growth. Join us as we explore the valuable lessons from "Eight Dates," and learn how to apply these principles to enhance your romantic relationships. #EightDates #RelationshipGoals #CoupleGoals #Communication #Rhomas
Conflict doesn't have to suck. These iconic relationship researchers tell us how. Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection is the name of a new book by esteemed guests Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman.They are the co-Founders of The Gottman Institute and have completed over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples. John is the researcher; Julie the clinician. They have written several books together, including Eight Dates and The Love Prescription.Even though the majority of the Gottmans' research is on couples, the advice is applicable to all types of relationships. In this episode we talk about:The three principle conflict stylesWhy we often don't understand what it is we're fighting aboutPerpetual problems vs. Solvable problemsWhy the first three minutes of an argument are key The simple sentence to use at the beginning of an argumentHow to downregulate defensiveness in an argumentWhy the Gottmans' believe there is no such thing as constructive criticismWhy apologizing quickly isn't always the right moveWhen a fight might spell the end Related Episodes:Dan Savage on how to handle disappointment in your relationships, how to get better at sex, and why “a couple” is an IllusionLori Brotto on mindful sexDevon and Craig Hase on how not to be a hot messMyisha Battle on love, sex, dating, and relationship mythsSign up for Dan's weekly newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesFor tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here Full Shownotes: http://tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/gottmans-726See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
"Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love"
Holt euch das Buch: 8 Gespräche, die jedes Paar führen sollte In dieser Folge geht es mal wieder um das wichtigste Thema überhaupt: Die Liebe. In Ihrem Buch 8 Gespräche, die jedes Paar führen sollte von Dr John & Julie Gottman stellen die beiden Beziehungsforscher die 8 wichtigsten Themen dar über die Paare, in welchem Beziehungsstadium auch immer, reden sollten. An Hand von 8 vorgefertigten Dates könnt ihr euch und eure*n Partner*in besser kennenlernen und dafür sorgen das ihr lang anhaltendes Beziehungsglück erfahrt. Neben den Inhalten des Buchs erfahrt ihr wie immer unsere Sicht auf das Thema und wo wir mit den Autoren übereinstimmen.---Schwarz auf Weiß Rating: Quellen Dichte F 4/5 & S 4/5 Verständlichkeit F 5/5 & S 5/5 Umsetzbarkeit F 5/5 & S 5/5 Würde ich weiterempfehlen? F Ja & S Ja ---★ Unterstützt den Podcast via Patreon und erhaltet exklusive Bonusfolgen ★---Feedback, Wünsche und Beschimpfungen könnt ihr uns per Email schicken: feedback@swpodcast.de ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Important note: This is the seventh episode in a series. If you're just joining us, I urge you to go back and start at the beginning.In our final episode of this season, Taylor interviews Rebel Finance School Founders Alan & Katie Donegan on how they overcame financial obstacles as a couple and got on the same road to financial independence which allowed them to retire at ages 35 and 40.This podcast series features Rebel Finance School founders Alan & Katie Donegan. They offer a free 10-week finance course on how to master your personal finances. Check it out here: http://rebelfinanceschool.com. Resources mentioned in the episode:Eight Dates by John & Julie Gottman: https://www.amazon.com/Eight-Dates-Essential-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/1523504463 Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker: https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Millionaire-Mind-Mastering-Wealth/dp/0060763280 I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Teach-You-Rich-Second-ebook/dp/B07GNXPP4P Notes from a Friend by Tony Robbins: https://www.amazon.com/Notes-Friend-Simple-Taking-Charge/dp/068480056X The Simple Path To Wealth by JL Collins: https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Path-Wealth-financial-independence/dp/1533667926 Mr. Money Mustache: https://www.mrmoneymustache.com The Mad Fientist: https://www.madfientist.com Chautauqua Financial Independence Retreat: https://www.fichautauqua.comTony Robbins Ultimate Relationship Program: https://store.tonyrobbins.com/products/ultimate-relationship-program The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey: https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful-ebook/dp/B07WF972WKThis podcast is brought to you by Ambiance Matchmaking, a matchmaking service for conscious leaders, creatives, and entrepreneurs. Apply to become a member: ambiancematchmaking.com/apply. If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving us a review? It makes a huge difference and helps others find our show.Newsletter: ambiancematchmaking.com/newsletterBlog: ambiancematchmaking.com/blogInstagram: instagram.com/ambiancematch Facebook: facebook.com/ambiancematchTwitter: twitter.com/ambiancematch YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCZzRwyQQZVE8qiqo2VzZ44w DISCLAIMER: The views, information, or opinions expressed on this podcast are solely those of the individuals involved. The primary purpose of this podcast is to educate and inform. This podcast does not constitute medical or other professional advice or services.
Episode Notes Coming on Monday, September 5th - a conversation with Drs. Julie and John Gottman about their book Eight Dates. Recorded LIVE in Richmond, Virginia in 2019. The Gottmans provide insight into what makes relationships work or fail Find out more at http://circleofwillispodcast.com This podcast is powered by Pinecast.
★ Unterstützt den Podcast via Patreon und erhaltet exklusive Bonusfolgen ★---Holt euch das Buch: 8 Gespräche, die jedes Paar führen sollte In dieser Folge geht es mal wieder um das wichtigste Thema überhaupt: Die Liebe. In Ihrem Buch 8 Gespräche, die jedes Paar führen sollte von Dr John & Julie Gottman stellen die beiden Beziehungsforscher die 8 wichtigsten Themen dar über die Paare, in welchem Beziehungsstadium auch immer, reden sollten. An Hand von 8 vorgefertigten Dates könnt ihr euch und eure*n Partner*in besser kennenlernen und dafür sorgen das ihr lang anhaltendes Beziehungsglück erfahrt. Neben den Inhalten des Buchs erfahrt ihr wie immer unsere Sicht auf das Thema und wo wir mit den Autoren übereinstimmen.---Schwarz auf Weiß Rating: Quellen Dichte F 4/5 & S 4/5 Verständlichkeit F 5/5 & S 5/5 Umsetzbarkeit F 5/5 & S 5/5 Würde ich weiterempfehlen? F Ja & S Ja ---Feedback, Wünsche und Beschimpfungen könnt ihr uns per Email schicken: feedback@swpodcast.de ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Michele (@michelebacicomedy) talks about returning to standup comedy and overcoming stage fright. This week's guest is clinical psychologist, relationship and psychosexual therapist, Dr Amani Zarroug. Dr Zarroug dissects the reality TV show Blue Therapy and the Gottman book Eight Dates. She opens up about the difficulties of conducting couples therapy, as well as being a Libra and having an indecisive nature. She also vents about the lack of fertility equality regarding IVF treatments through the NHS.That's a wrap on Season 1! We'll be back with Season 2 in February 2022.Write a review! - ratethispodcast.com/therapySend us an email! - therapyroulette@gmail.comFollow Michele Baci!IG: @michelebacicomedyTwitter: @michelebaciStandup Shows: https://linktr.ee/michelebaciFollow Dr Amani Zarroug!IG: @dramanizarrougFollow Therapy Roulette!IG: @therapyroulettepodTwitter: @TherapyRouletteYouTube channel: Therapy RouletteTheme music by Hannah FairchildSpotify: Hannah Vs. The Manyhttps://open.spotify.com/artist/5rlyuj1AOlLdLCV5MRFc9P?si=muDK4Rr3RXWMGhBCP0fQawSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/therapyroulette)
In this episode, I interview Zia Hassan. Zia's an educator, life coach, tech consultant, and systems enthusiast. In our conversation, we focus on how to handle difficult conversations about finances and career changes. Read the transcript!Resources mentioned in this episode: Get Zia's Same Page PDF! Same Page TemplateCheck out Daphne's book recommendation Eight Dates by John GottmanTAKE THE FREE QUIZ: What career outside of the classroom are you qualified for? Join our community:Connect with Daphne on Instagram @teachercareercoachSUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW:Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss an episode! If you would be kind enough to support The Teacher Career Coach Podcast, leaving a rating and review would be very appreciated. By leaving a review, you are helping other teachers looking for support to find this community as well. Click here to leave a review. Would you make a great guest for The Teacher Career Coach Podcast? Let us know! If you're a former teacher, click here! If you're a burnout specialist, career coach, or other specialist that would be a good fit for this audience, click here!
Have you read the book “Eight dates by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman? Lami and Kofi share their viewpoints on the book digest segment of Some People Say podcast. If you have any comments email us at somesayers@gmail.com Sponsored by Afrique visions Contact Afrique visions on +233 0268119393/ +15167252469 or visit https://www.instagram.com/afriquevisions/?hl=en Editor:Lilian Moro Music:adobestock.com --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/somesayers/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/somesayers/support
What do you think of when you think of family? Is it a husband and wife with 2.5 kids? Maybe it's you, and a dog, and a few dozen house plants. Lately we've been reading John and Julie Gottman's “Eight Dates” with our partners and some really important, nuanced conversations have come out of it. Family doesn't have to look the same for everyone. Even though it might look a different way, it can be just as good as what we are told “Family” is. So… what does family look like to you? The top 8 things couples fight about [1:01] What does family look like without kids? [5:45] Prioritizing the relationship [7:16] Actively creating family without having kids [10:11] Families can look very different [11:14] Having children changes your priorities [14:26] Understanding why you think family looks a certain way [17:32] Rewriting the script for others [20:00] thehappinessdiet.com Get 20% OFF Organifi products at organifi.com using code ‘thebestlife' Don't forget to leave us a review and subscribe so you never have to miss an episode! Comments and questions can also be sent to info@thebestlifepodcast.com, and you can head to thebestlifepodcast.com to join our Facebook Group. FOLLOW US ON IG: @TheBestLifePodcast FOLLOW JILL: @jillfit FOLLOW DANNY J: @dannyjdotcom You can also follow us on Facebook @Jill Coleman @Danny-J
Do you know your spouse's Love language? Do you actively listen when your spouse speaks? Do you reflect on arguments and acknowledge the role you played in the dispute? These are all questions Chris and I asked ourselves while reading the Book entitled "Eight Dates." Tune in as we discuss the main topics of the book and determine if the book is accurate, whether the advice is helpful, and much more.
In today's episode, Allyson & Amber are talking about conflicts we've faced in our personal relationships and how we deal with it to keep our relationship healthy. The book we mention in this episode is called: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman Questions to ask yourself/ your partner when it comes to conflict (coming straight for the Eight Dates book): 1. What is the story of how this issue is important to you? 2. Is there a story behind this issue related to your own personal history or your family growing up? 3. Is there a deeper purpose or goal for you in your position on this issue? 4. How was conflict handed in your family growing up? 5. How do you feel about anger? How was it expressed in your family growing up? 6. How can I best support you when you're feeling angry? 7. How do you like to make up after a disagreement? 8. What do you now understand about your partner that you didn't before this exercise? ✨ you can anonymously submit a message to us here ✨ do have a topic you'd like us to discuss? you can e-mail us at werealmostadults@gmail.com follow us online: ✨ podcast instagram: @werealmostadults ✨ amber's instagram: @ambersregalado ✨ allyson's instagram: @allysonabelido —— welcome to the we're (almost) adults podcast. Amber Regalado and Allyson Abelido will be your host, confidants, and possibly your next internet best friends. Join us as we dive into uncomfortable subjects that come with adulthood (or at least what we think adulthood is). Be ready, we are going to share unfiltered-personal stories and advice and exploring all the topics you wish you were discussing with your friends! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/were-almost-adults/support
Let’s meet the baseball nut who sticks up for the guys behind the plate that every baseball fan loves to hate. Yes, we’re talking about umpires. In this episode of the Check It Out! podcast, host Ken Harvey talks to his friend Jason Becker, creator of the Umpire Inspire podcast. “In my book, he’s a genius, and he’s producing a fascinating podcast for the officials behind America’s favorite round-ball sport. That’s baseball, and those are umpires,” Harvey said in introducing Becker. “Fans and players often disagree with what the umpire says and what the umpire does, which can make it a lonely job even when there are two of them on the field.” Becker humanizes umpires. He explains why they love what they do, even when they don’t get paid to call balls and strikes and outs. They’re inspired to do it for the love of the game. Becker’s podcast invites listeners to come in and hear a captivating conversation with an enthusiastic umpire who may be from anywhere on the planet. “Baseball isn’t just American, it’s global, and these umpires consider their jobs to be a lot more than just calling balls and strikes,” Harvey said. Becker said baseball has been his passion “for practically my entire life.” He started playing when he was 5 and continues to play today in a senior adult league. “I've played since I was a kid, like a lot of people. Coached my boy all the way through Little League, and my girls for a couple years while they were playing,” he said. About eight years ago, he grabbed a mask and tried umpiring. “It was a need that I felt I could do some good with in our local Little League here in Mukilteo, and it turned out to be a really great fit,” Becker said. “Being out on a baseball field makes more sense to me than being just about anywhere else, so I've really enjoyed umpiring.” He takes it seriously. He umpires Little League baseball and softball around Washington and umpires high school baseball in Snohomish County. It took Becker a couple of years of umpiring before he could see the connection between his love for umpiring and his love for fascinating podcasts. “There’s a lot of folks out there for whom umpiring means an awful lot, and they put a lot of their heart and their time into it, and it’s often not paid. Little League is an all-volunteer organization, for instance,” Becker said. “I found that umpires were generally just a really great group of people to hang around with because of their giving spirit, their commitment to public service... how umpiring is a public service for many of the friends that I have in the umpiring community.” That’s when the “two worlds” came together in Becker’s mind, and the idea of the Umpire Inspire podcast was born. In late 2019, he decided it was time to make it happen. “Now’s the time,” Becker said. “We’re going to take a swing. Hopefully, I’ll connect. Maybe I’ll miss, but it’s going to be an interesting journey, and it has definitely been such a joy and such a privilege, as I have completed this first go-around, and I’m just on the doorstep of getting my own season two underway, so it’s been great.” The first episode of Umpire Inspire debuted on March 17, 2020, with minor league umpire Bobby Tassone, who works the Carolina League. Interviews with seven more umpires followed. Season 2 started on Aug. 11. Among Becker’s interviews so far are umpires who work in Venezuela and the Czech Republic, and two women who call the game. Some are professionals. Some are amateurs. They come in all shapes and sizes and range in age from 16 to 76. All have interesting stories to share. “You’ve had an opportunity to have some conversations with some remarkable guests already,” Harvey said. Harvey asked Becker when he, as a young player, first became aware of an umpire on the field. “I don’t think anybody has asked me that question before,” Becker said. “I’m not sure I do remember, if I’m being honest. As a kid, you’re out there, you’re doing what you do with your buddies, and you’re playing the game and you’re having fun. I can’t recall a time where I do remember the umpire, but it does put a point on what the best volunteer umpires, or paid umpires... one of their best characteristics is they’re doing it for the game.” Umpires don’t care who wins or loses the game, Becker explained. “We are what we call the third team on the field,” he said. “In every baseball and softball game, there are three teams: there’s the home team, there’s the away team, and there’s the third team, the umpires, who, just like the players, are out there giving their best effort and trying to make every call correct. They want to do their best job, just like the players do. And maybe it makes a point that I don’t remember my umpires when I was a kid, but it doesn’t change the fact that they were out there giving their time away from their families, away from their work lives, so that I could play ball. Without an umpire, it’s just a scrimmage.” Harvey recalled his time playing baseball as a youngster and coming to terms with the stranger behind the plate. “I think that probably any of us who have stood on the field and gone to the home plate and swung, at some point in our lifetime, whatever age, we start to recognize that an umpire has a significant amount of power, but also a significant amount of knowledge about the game, and maybe even more than my coach does,” Harvey said. He said he appreciated Becker’s ability to bring out the humanity and service that umpires bring to the sport and wanted to know, “At what point did you start to really recognize that about these umpires?” It took Becker a while behind the plate to see the other stories in his umpire colleagues. “My show is not about rules or field mechanics or instruction,” he said. “There are a thousand great websites and podcasts and sources that do a much better job with things like that than I do. My show is about the stories and the journeys and the heart of why we umpires do what we do. There is nothing an umpire loves more than to just get together with his or her partner after a game, share their experiences and their wins and their losses, and what they’ve learned; swap stories; tell tall tales; that is something that is common with every umpire at every level, all around the world.” Harvey asked for an example. “One of my favorite guests during this season one was Dale Scott,” Becker said. “He was a Major League umpire for 30-plus years until his retirement in 2017. There was so much good stuff there. He did point out ... if you went to your job every day not having any idea of what was going to happen that day, it might make you get up out of bed in the morning a little differently. It could light a little bit of a fire. That’s what it’s like every game for a baseball or a softball umpire. Some things are going to be consistent, but just about every game you see something and have to rule on something that you may never have seen before.” That got Becker to tell the story of his own personal umpire hero. “One thing that’s really interesting, Ken, is that a lot of the stories start exactly the same,” Becker said. “I’ve had the opportunity to speak with everyone from teenage youth umpires here in Snohomish County, all the way up to Major League Baseball umpires, and oftentimes, they have very similar stories. In fact, I was just re-listening the other day to one of my episodes, a conversation I had with a Major League umpire ... really, an umpire hero of mine named Tripp Gibson, who is one of many Major League umpires that live here in the Puget Sound area. “He was telling us about his first game. Coach gets a little fired up, and in his very first game ever as an umpire, he has to toss the coach. The way Tripp described it, he says, ‘Yeah, so the gentleman, Pat, who brought me out, he met me after the game and gave me my check for 25 bucks and said, “Well, good try, kid.” Tripp said, ‘Good try? That was awesome! I’m coming back tomorrow!’” While most players get to take a field break every half inning and between plate appearances, umpires never leave the field. “I would love for listeners of this show to maybe start thinking about umpires in a little different way,” Becker said. “The home team and the away team, they get to go in the dugout and relax every half inning. But the umpires stay out there every pitch, every inning, every game, and for the Major League guys, six to eight months in a row.” “That’s got to be really tough,” Harvey said. “Especially when the weather conditions aren’t prime for something like that.” Despite the difficult working conditions and tension that comes from making calls, umpires just want to do their job right and enhance the game, Becker said. “One thing that umpires like to hang their hat on is, if they can get through a game and nobody notices that they were even there, they had a pretty good game, right?” he said. “Because it’s not our job to get in the way. It’s not our game. We are there to serve. We’re there to go to work and enable and enhance that game that we’re working at, and if we get that done, it’s been a pretty good day at the office.” Part 2: Self-Help Shelf “This is Sarri Gilman with the Self-Help Shelf for Sno-Isle Libraries. The book I have for you today is ‘Eight Dates,’ by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. Oh yes, they’re married, and they once ran the famous Love Lab where they researched couples and communication. Together, they now have the Gottman Institute in Seattle, where they share years of research on how to make marriage work and what predicts divorce. “During COVID-19, not too many couples were having romantic dates, and your closeness and intimacy may feel like it was just lost in the pandemic, or maybe it was lost even before that. If you’re married or dating, ‘Eight Dates’ is for you. The book gives you a guide on things to think about before each date, and you literally make a plan to go on eight dates together, and each date, you’re given a different topic with a whole different set of questions to ask each other. You practice listening and learning about each other, and even if you’ve been together for decades, I think you’re going to get a lot out of this book, especially if you feel like your relationship needs attention and you wish you were closer. “Since we're in a pandemic, you’re going to need to bring a little bit of creativity to your dates with your partner. Maybe it’s a beach picnic or a date at home; it really doesn't matter where you are, because each date is a full discussion on a topic picked by the Gottmans, with a guide to support you. “I do recommend that you each read a copy of the book so that you have some of the background material to think about before your date, or you could even read out loud to each other to prepare for your date. “One of my favorite lines from the book is this one: ‘The goal of conflict is not to win or convince the other person that you’re right. In creating compromise, we have to understand each other’s core needs on the issues we are discussing, as well as each other’s areas of flexibility. The goal is not to become identical; the goal is to understand each other.’ “This book is also going to help you get a better understanding of each other's core needs. By going on the eight dates, you will have a much deeper understanding of each other, and you’re going to get tips that you can practice for each date, and my hope is that you just continue going on these deeper dive discussion dates in the future. “’Eight Dates,’ by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, is available digitally from the Sno-Isle Libraries. Take good care of you, and remember, some books are almost as good as therapy.”
What to do to improve your relationships when you can't go out... what can you do when you're stuck at home, be it with a pandemic, a sick child, new babies and more! Big thanks to our sponsor Family Routines. I have a whole section on date night in there. ALL about how to get into a routine of date night, which is SO important for a couples! In this episode: Eight Dates by The Gottmans Loom Journals (apparently they were bought by Promptly) 5 Love Languages to show your spouse you love them in the way they like to hear it! The Year Of You (I do it on Scribd -- that link gives you 60 days for free) {partner links} Other things that might interest you How to NOT kill your husband Producer: Drew Erickson
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Recently, I have been recommending the book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love" by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams. Since the last two podcast episodes have been referring to the importance of connecting and dating in relationship, I thought it would be valuable to share this book with you. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How being curious and interested in and with your partner will support a lifetime of learning, intimacy and vitality with your partner. The importance of seeing love as a practice. What threatens commitment and trust in relationship and how to built trust together. How conflict is inevitable in every relationship, and understanding the real goal of conflict. Learning the difference between solvable problems and perpetual problems. What helps partners create a great sex life together. Understanding the essential role of play and adventure in your relationship, so that you can keep things fresh and exciting. "Vulnerability creates trust, and trust is the oxygen your relationship needs to breathe." by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams. Mentioned: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love ERP 227: How To Date Your Significant Other - An Interview with Dr. Bill Harley ERP 228: How To See Relationship As A Spiritual Teacher - An Interview With Allana Pratt Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.
Jonathon Aslay The focus of one of America's Leading Mid-Life Dating Coaches has expanded into a deeper, essential philosophy of what it truly means to LOVE. After losing his 19-year-old son Connor in 2018, Jonathon Aslay’s grief led him on a soul-searching inner journey, where he became aware of an often-overlooked dimension of the dating conversation. Jonathon realized that the process of dating reveals the most common emotional health issue faced by many singles seeking a partner: a distressing lack of self-worth, self-regard, and self-love. Today, Jonathon is on a mission of encouraging both men and women to fully love themselves with a new book, "What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway?"—packed with fun, engaging spiritual and personal growth practices—his dynamic Mid-Life Love Mastery mentorship program, that inspires hundreds of people daily, around the world, and his new podcast, What Would Love Do? Jonathon and What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? (https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Self-Love-Anyway-Jonathon-Aslay/dp/1092498397/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2XO37PA61BZRC&dchild=1&keywords=what+the+heck+is+self+love+anyway&qid=1594664165&s=audible&sprefix=what+the+heck+is+self+%2Caudible%2C362&sr=8-1) www.jonathonaslay.com (www.jonathonaslay.com) Twitter (www.twitter.com/jonathonaslay) Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/consciouscoupling.jonathonaslay/) Youtube (https://www.youtube.com/c/JonathonAslay/) ABOUT THE HOST My name is Sam Harris. I am a British entrepreneur, investor and explorer. From hitchhiking across Kazakstan to programming AI doctors I am always pushing myself in the spirit of curiosity and Growth. My background is in Biology and Psychology with a passion for improving the world and human behaviour. I have built and sold companies from an early age and love coming up with unique ways to make life more enjoyable and meaningful. Sam: Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/samjamsnaps/) Quora (https://www.quora.com/profile/Sam-Harris-58) Twitter (https://twitter.com/samharristweets) LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/sharris48/) Sam's blog - SamWebsterHarris.com (https://samwebsterharris.com/) Support the Show - Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/growthmindset) Top Tip Invest in yourself Bet on yourself. This is the smartest investment you would make. You are your most important source of welath, not your business, not your boss, nobody but you. The best way to achieve a better quality life, to be successful, productive, and satisfied is to prioritize on investing in both personal and professional growth. Self-care is a non-negotiable. Investing in self-care is essential because it creates the environment and habits that help you be your best self. Investing in yourself - mind, body and spirit - not only shapes the way you interact with the outside world, it often reflects the opinion you have of yourself. A large part of your future is determined by your willingness and ability to invest in yourself now. Your life will improve only as much as you are willing to grow yourself. Books Try a free Audible trial of any book here (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Free-Trial-Digital-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?tag=samharris48%E2%80%9321) What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? (https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Self-Love-Anyway-Jonathon-Aslay/dp/1092498397/ref=sr_1_1?crid=TDKVUIUKR432&dchild=1&keywords=what+the+heck+is+self+love+anyway&qid=1594665927&sprefix=what+the+heck+is+s%2Caps%2C337&sr=8-1) You have to love YOURSELF first before you can love another, but what the heck does that even mean? If you're like Jonathon, you might tune out or get annoyed with the idea of self-love. In this no-fluff, straight forward book, Jonathon created a simple approach to answering one of life's most important questions. Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Eight-Dates-Essential-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/B07ZWPVS16/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=eight+dates&qid=1594665554&s=audible&sr=1-1) Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. How to Win Friends & Influence People (https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/B002SQ1C06/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1TW269OH0VER5&dchild=1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people&qid=1594665699&s=audible&sprefix=how+to+win%2Caudible%2C349&sr=1-1) Dale Carnegie's principles endure, and will help you achieve your maximum potential in the complex and competitive modern age. Learn the six ways to make people like you, the twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking, and the nine ways to change people without arousing resentment. Syncify An app that lets you be social at a distance. Listen to your favourite podcasts and books together with friends and groups. Chat about the audio experiences as you share and learn from other users' perspectives. Commit to taking actions by sharing your ideas. To learn more, visit (www.syncifyapp.com) Subscribe! If you enjoyed the podcast please subscribe and rate it. And of course, share with your friends!
Today's Topic: A Conversation About Money This episode is the last in our series of dates as we go through the exercises in John Gottman's new book, Eight Dates, in order to test our relationship and see how connected we are. This week, we are talking about our mindsets around money, how we grew up thinking about money, and some of our best money memories. The point is to learn more about each other and also identify the blind spots we may have picked up in our life. In This Conversation We Cover: [04:06] What did your grandparents do for a living? [07:30] What did your parents do for a living? [11:52] What were your parents' attitudes about money? [18:13] Did your family take family vacations or travel together when you were growing up? [20:23] Did your family have company? [22:05] Did your family engage in philanthropy or charitable activities? [23:50] Did you get an allowance? [27:48] What was your work history? [31:50] Did your parents celebrate your birthdays? [36:12] How did your parents show you that they were proud of you? [36:58] Did you get presents at holidays and does that fact matter for you? [38:31] What is your happiest or best money memory? Resources: Mastermind: workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind Connect with us on Instagram: @kimmurgatroyd | @robmurgatroyd
Today’s Topic: A Conversation About Money This episode is the last in our series of dates as we go through the exercises in John Gottman's new book, Eight Dates (https://www.gottman.com/eight-dates/) , in order to test our relationship and see how connected we are. This week, we are talking about our mindsets around money, how we grew up thinking about money, and some of our best money memories. The point is to learn more about each other and also identify the blind spots we may have picked up in our life. In This Conversation We Cover: [04:06] What did your grandparents do for a living? [07:30] What did your parents do for a living? [11:52] What were your parents’ attitudes about money? [18:13] Did your family take family vacations or travel together when you were growing up? [20:23] Did your family have company? [22:05] Did your family engage in philanthropy or charitable activities? [23:50] Did you get an allowance? [27:48] What was your work history? [31:50] Did your parents celebrate your birthdays? [36:12] How did your parents show you that they were proud of you? [36:58] Did you get presents at holidays and does that fact matter for you? [38:31] What is your happiest or best money memory? Resources: Mastermind: workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind (https://workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind/) Connect with us on Instagram: @robmurgatroyd (https://www.instagram.com/robmurgatroyd/)
Today's Topic: Accepting our similarities and differences We're continuing to go through the exercises in John Gottman's new book, Eight Dates, in order to test our relationship and see how connected we are. This week, we are discussing the fundamental differences between how we approach work and life. We talk about how we are the same, how we are different, and how we can accommodate and accept the differences between us. In This Conversation We Cover: [03:11] Accepting how we are different [04:11] Differences in neatness and organization [07:35] Differences in punctuality [09:23] Differences in doing tasks and getting things done [10:41] Differences in emotionality [12:25] Differences in wanting time together versus time apart/alone [15:01] Differences in optimal sexual frequency [16:15] Differences in adventure [20:57] Differences with respect to relatives [22:19] Differences in how to approach household chores or childcare [30:01] Differences in preferred activity level [31:04] Differences in socializing [34:04] Differences in ambition and the importance of work Resources: Mastermind: workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind Connect with us on Instagram: @kimmurgatroyd | @robmurgatroyd
Today’s Topic: Accepting our similarities and differences We’re continuing to go through the exercises in John Gottman's new book, Eight Dates (https://www.gottman.com/eight-dates/) , in order to test our relationship and see how connected we are. This week, we are discussing the fundamental differences between how we approach work and life. We talk about how we are the same, how we are different, and how we can accommodate and accept the differences between us. In This Conversation We Cover: [03:11] Accepting how we are different [04:11] Differences in neatness and organization [07:35] Differences in punctuality [09:23] Differences in doing tasks and getting things done [10:41] Differences in emotionality [12:25] Differences in wanting time together versus time apart/alone [15:01] Differences in optimal sexual frequency [16:15] Differences in adventure [20:57] Differences with respect to relatives [22:19] Differences in how to approach household chores or childcare [30:01] Differences in preferred activity level [31:04] Differences in socializing [34:04] Differences in ambition and the importance of work Resources: Mastermind: workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind (https://workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind/) Connect with us on Instagram: @robmurgatroyd (https://www.instagram.com/robmurgatroyd/)
Today's Topic: The First of “Eight Dates” John Gottman is a researcher known for his ability to predict whether a couple will get divorced within two minutes of conversation. We're going to be going through his new book, Eight Dates, and do some of the exercises right here on the show. We ask questions designed to get us looking back on our relationship and all of the ways in which we've bonded. In This Conversation We Cover: [02:46] Going through John Gottman's new book [06:51] Working out our finances [12:10] Talking about an adventure [26:11] Healing each other after a loss [32:14] Being spontaneous Resources: Read: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Mastermind: workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind Connect with us on Instagram: @kimmurgatroyd | @robmurgatroyd
Today’s Topic: The First of “Eight Dates” John Gottman is a researcher known for his ability to predict whether a couple will get divorced within two minutes of conversation. We’re going to be going through his new book, Eight Dates (https://www.gottman.com/eight-dates/) , and do some of the exercises right here on the show. We ask questions designed to get us looking back on our relationship and all of the ways in which we’ve bonded. In This Conversation We Cover: [02:46] Going through John Gottman’s new book [06:51] Working out our finances [12:10] Talking about an adventure [26:11] Healing each other after a loss [32:14] Being spontaneous Resources: Read: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (https://www.gottman.com/eight-dates/) Mastermind: workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind (https://workhardplayhardpodcast.com/mastermind/) Connect with us on Instagram: @robmurgatroyd (https://www.instagram.com/robmurgatroyd/)
April 20, 2020 Discussion on the book "Eight Dates," Climbing the Mountain of Intimacy Together by Dr. Farid Holakouee
For the first episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with two relationship experts, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They are the founders of The Gottman Institute and they have been studying sex and relationships for decades. The Gottmans have published a number of influential academic papers and bestselling books, with their latest being Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. I cover a wide range of topics in my interview with the Gottmans, including: What is the biggest takeaway or most important thing you have learned from your research? What is the biggest myth or misconception about relationships? What is Eight Dates all about, and who is it for? Is believing in a "soulmate" a healthy way to approach relationships? The idea that sex needs to be or is "supposed' to be romantic is very popular--but is it true? What can couples do to improve sexual communication in their relationships? Are the principles of relationship success similar for same-sex and different-sex couples? What do people in sexually open relationships need to know? What relationship advice would you offer them? Enjoy, and be sure to check out the Gottmans' new book, Eight Dates! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
As a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Relationship Therapist, working passionately to treat various sexual health concerns both from the psychological and medical standpoint, our guest, Dr. Lauren Fogel-Mersy, believes in a holistic approach, reaching for a more balanced way of healing for herself and her clients. A wealth of knowledge on all things related to relationship and sexual well-being, she's also a woman standing strongly in her own story of striving for mental wellness. In this episode we explore the different methods and techniques she applies at her clinic, including the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy, Behavioral, Mindfulness, Polyvagal, and Sensate Focus therapies. With her work she asks us to grow toward becoming more conscious lovers, friends, and family member. As this episode unwinds she relays how to navigate self and co-regulation, the five stages of relationship, libido, masturbation in relationship, and bringing more kink into the bedroom. Our hopes are that this episode brings you closer to feeling safe, loved, and understood, both in and out of relationship. Book recommendations: •The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman •Eight Dates by the Gottman's MAJic Tricks: •When did you stop dancing? Singing? Being enchanted by stories? •Gottman Method on how to resolve conflict in relationship. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-majic-hour/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
A limited series from the book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love., by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D. About the book: Strengthen and deepen your love with a fun, ingenious program of eight life-changing conversations—on essential topics such as money, sex, and trust—from two of the world’s leading marriage researchers and clinicians. Navigating the challenges of long-term commitment takes effort—and it just got simpler, with this empowering, step-by-step guide to communicating about the things that matter most to you and your partner. Drawing on forty years of research from their world-famous Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. Interactive activities and prompts provide motivation to stay open, stay curious, and, most of all, stay talking to each other. And the range—from the four skills you need for intimate conversation (including Put Into Words What You Are Feeling) to tips on being honest about your needs, while also validating your partner’s own emotions—will resonate, whether you’re newly together or a longtime couple looking to fortify your bond. You will discover (or rediscover) your partner like never before—and be able to realize your hopes and dreams for the love you desire and deserve. Show Notes: This date is about understanding and managing conflict 2:20 Date 2 intro 3:43 Types of conflict
A limited series from the book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love., by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D. About the book: Strengthen and deepen your love with a fun, ingenious program of eight life-changing conversations—on essential topics such as money, sex, and trust—from two of the world’s leading marriage researchers and clinicians. Navigating the challenges of long-term commitment takes effort—and it just got simpler, with this empowering, step-by-step guide to communicating about the things that matter most to you and your partner. Drawing on forty years of research from their world-famous Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. Interactive activities and prompts provide motivation to stay open, stay curious, and, most of all, stay talking to each other. And the range—from the four skills you need for intimate conversation (including Put Into Words What You Are Feeling) to tips on being honest about your needs, while also validating your partner’s own emotions—will resonate, whether you’re newly together or a longtime couple looking to fortify your bond. You will discover (or rediscover) your partner like never before—and be able to realize your hopes and dreams for the love you desire and deserve. Show Notes: 2:16 - the start of the date 2:38 First question about your parents' commitment/lack of commitment to each other and how it affects us
Angela joins Charlie on the show today to break down some of the recent events they’ve experienced in this last season of the year, focusing on a recent trip they went on and some lessons they learned from that trip. Key Takeaways:[1:35] - Charlie’s new book, Start Finishing: How to Go From Idea to Done is out now! Productivity is how we become our best selves in the world. The book covers tools, practices, and mindsets that will help you finish the stuff your soul is yearning to do. There are contributions from Charlie’s friends, colleagues, and teachers. [5:35] - One of the huge things that happened for Charlie and the team this year was the launch of his book. That has been a big learning curve and celebration for the whole team at Productive Flourishing. One of the not-great things that happened this year was Angela getting two concussions.[8:00] - This year they also experienced pregnancy, miscarriage, and the death of their cat. This year was really a year of ups and downs for Charlie and Angela, and the difficulty has been taking in all the emotions as they were happening simultaneously. [13:15] - They recently took a vacation for joint self-care, so they could heal from the events of the year together. One thing that transformed the trip was setting up boundaries beforehand. [15:35] - The first lesson they talk about is disconnecting completely from work while they were on their trip. Technology was minimal - each of them break down what technology they brought and used on the trip. [21:45] - Many of Charlie’s productivity projects have been about solitude, but for Angela, she maintains contact with her phone more often. The days get a lot longer when they’re not stuck to their devices, and it allows more time for the people you love and want to connect with.[25:05] - The second lesson learned was how much decision fatigue weighs on us, and how much micro-decisions add up. You can enjoy certain types of experiences more when you don’t have to constantly make decisions about different things. This frees up a lot of energy. [28:25] - They carried this back with them when they got home. Angela talks about the idea that simplicity equals peace. Personally, she’s taken a few steps back from multi-tasking, and putting more singular attention into tasks throughout the day.[35:33] - One of the big takeaways of simplicity equals peace is that we have a choice. You have to ask yourself how you’re going to get things done, but you can also ask yourself how you want to be while you’re doing work.[37:30] - Think about one area of your life that’s not quite in alignment for you, and identify something you can change to help increase your productivity. [38:54] - The third lesson learned is how much control we have over keeping things simple and intentional. Angela talks about some of the frustrations around focusing on one single thing, but also about the increased mindfulness she’s learned from being off her phone more frequently.[41:45] - The fourth lesson they learned was using structured conversations to reconnect. The book The Eight Dates guided them through eight topics ranging from intimacy and sex to conflict and disagreement. Having the joint commitment to walk through the book helped them reconnect in a really powerful way.[46:20] - This vacation was one of the best gifts they have given themselves. The lessons learned and disconnecting from the rest of the world made all the difference in how they were able to connect. [48:10] - These lessons can be applied to your day-to-day or holiday activities coming up at the end of the year. Think about what it might be like to disconnect and be present during this season. How can you lower decision fatigue and make this season simpler? What structured conversations could you have with the people around you?Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingStart Finishing, by Charlie GilkeyClean EmailBlog Post on Miscarriage StoryEight Dates, by John and Julie Gottman
In this episode, MC and Emily discuss: Sex in the news - a new study on aging and sexuality; the role of doctors in the sexual health of aging patients; menopause and orgasms at 50+; and the time MC brought a bunch of sex toys to her Mom's retirement home. Eight Dates - the incredible book by world-famous Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman; the importance of curiosity; and creative ways of finding alone time when you've got kids. Community questions - Working through erectile challenges Let's hook you up; Honeymoon Playbook by Marie-Claire Thauvette Relationship Bliss Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, Dr. Doug Abrams, and Dr. Rachel Carlton Want to submit a community question? Comments? Concerns? Send them our way at thepassionperspective@gmail.com.
Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is one of the world’s most preeminent relationship researchers. Along with her husband Dr. John Gottman, they run the Gottman Institute, who have conducted many of the world’s most extensive studies on marital stability. This week we delve straight into trauma, including Dr. Gottman’s previous trauma work, the trauma of infidelity, and the Gottman therapy related to this trauma. Lastly, we discuss their latest book - Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. What is it that makes a good relationship and how do good relationships benefit us? Podcast Highlights: 5mins - Julie’s background in trauma research and her journey to the Gottman Institute. 14mins - Trauma, what is it? What does it do to us? What does it feel like? 21mins - The healing power of connection. 25mins - The Gottman’s couples conflict resolution approach - what questions do you need to ask your partner? 32mins - Cheating, infidelity and the trauma in betrayal. 36mins - Therapy for infidelity, the three-stage process. 41mins - What often leads to infidelity? 50mins - Eight Dates, the Gottman’s newest book on dating and relationships in their initial phases. Podcast Details: The Gottman Institute Eight Dates - Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love The Gottman Institute Instagram
In today’s episode, Amy digs deep with Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams, voted the “Best Doctor” in Santa Cruz County for 9 years running. After graduating Phi Beta Kappa from Stanford University, Rachel received her MD from UC San Francisco and a master’s degree in holistic health from UC Berkeley. Board certified in family medicine and integrative medicine, she refers to herself lovingly in this episode as an “integrative weirdo doctor.” At her award-winning integrative medicine clinic in Santa Cruz, Dr. Abrams treats many of the world’s most influential people. Rachel is happily married to her fellow author and husband Doug Abrams and the mother of three fabulous young adults. Listen on to find out how Rachel thinks we’re in a cultural crisis and why relationships and connection are the answer. You’ll also learn a bit of neuroscience that explains how all living beings have a connection to each other and a connection to nature. We’ll talk about her new books BodyWise and Eight Dates, with guides to essential conversations on topics like money, sex, family, and dreams, and finally, we’ll learn what in the world “naked Shabbat” is. You’ll finish this episode feeling inspired to connect deeply with yourself, with others, and with the earth. As humans, social relationships are integral to our social health and holistic wellness, and we may just be in a cultural crisis. Let’s discuss how the human animal has evolved and how we can stay well in our modern tech-centric society.
If you already get more sex than you can handle, this podcast is not for you. If you understand everything there is to know about women, please turn this podcast off and go find something else to do. The last thing I want to do is waste your time on helping someone with your vast knowledge get more sex from your female partner or have a better relationship with her. You have this covered 100% so we’ll give you a second to gather your things and leave the room. Hum hum hum Ok everyone else….that person is now gone and we don’t have to worry about them soaking up any of the incredible knowledge that’s in this podcast. We have it all to ourselves and trust me you are in for a treat. On today’s podcast we have the amazing Dr. Rachel Abrams. She owns an integrative Medicine Clinic in Santa Cruz and has been voted “Best Doctor” in Santa Cruz County every year from 2009-2017. How amazing is that? Beyond that remarkable accomplishment….Rachel has written books that I give to my clients all the time. Just listen to these titles and I dare you to resist wanting to know what’s in them. Let me start with “The Multi-Orgasmic Woman” ah….YES Please! “The Multi-Orgasmic Couple” ….YES Please times two. “Taoist Sexual Secrets” HELL YES I want to know some Taoist sexual secrets….I don’t even know what that means but I need to know right now. “The Man’s Guide to Women” this is a must read for all men. This is required reading for many of my therapy clients in my private practice. So if you are a man, go get “The Man’s Guide to Woman” right now and thank me later. Her latest book “Eight Dates” is hot off the presses and flying off bookstore shelves and wearing out Amazon delivery drivers all over America. This book is all about how to improve your relationship through 8 structured dates to help couples understand each other better and connect emotionally and sexually. In other words, if you men let your women know you on a deeper level, you’ll get more sex. Forget the jewelry, forget the expensive holiday; simply buy this book, follow Dr. Rachel’s 8 date method and again you can thank me later. I could go on and on about how awesome Dr. Rachel Abrams is but I know you want me to get to the Doctor herself.www.doctorrachel.com
If you already get more sex than you can handle, this podcast is not for you. If you understand everything there is to know about women, please turn this podcast off and go find something else to do. The last thing I want to do is waste your time on helping someone with your vast knowledge get more sex from your female partner or have a better relationship with her. You have this covered 100% so we’ll give you a second to gather your things and leave the room. Hum hum hum Ok everyone else….that person is now gone and we don’t have to worry about them soaking up any of the incredible knowledge that’s in this podcast. We have it all to ourselves and trust me you are in for a treat. On today’s podcast we have the amazing Dr. Rachel Abrams. She owns an integrative Medicine Clinic in Santa Cruz and has been voted “Best Doctor” in Santa Cruz County every year from 2009-2017. How amazing is that? Beyond that remarkable accomplishment….Rachel has written books that I give to my clients all the time. Just listen to these titles and I dare you to resist wanting to know what’s in them. Let me start with “The Multi-Orgasmic Woman” ah….YES Please! “The Multi-Orgasmic Couple” ….YES Please times two. “Taoist Sexual Secrets” HELL YES I want to know some Taoist sexual secrets….I don’t even know what that means but I need to know right now. “The Man’s Guide to Women” this is a must read for all men. This is required reading for many of my therapy clients in my private practice. So if you are a man, go get “The Man’s Guide to Woman” right now and thank me later. Her latest book “Eight Dates” is hot off the presses and flying off bookstore shelves and wearing out Amazon delivery drivers all over America. This book is all about how to improve your relationship through 8 structured dates to help couples understand each other better and connect emotionally and sexually. In other words, if you men let your women know you on a deeper level, you’ll get more sex. Forget the jewelry, forget the expensive holiday; simply buy this book, follow Dr. Rachel’s 8 date method and again you can thank me later. I could go on and on about how awesome Dr. Rachel Abrams is but I know you want me to get to the Doctor herself.www.doctorrachel.com
Our guests this week are Drs John and Julie Gottman. We’ll be discussing their newest book Eight Dates. Which are eight topics of conversation that can help guide and recenter your relationship and get you both going on the path to relationship satisfaction and pointed in the same life direction. This is a must listen for anyone who is starting a relationship and wants to know if it has a future or someone who feels stuck in a rut.This interview is long, it’s our longest ever, but we thought it was important to get you as much information if you’re looking to improve your romantic relationships.Also, in this interview we talk about and acknowledge physical intimacy in a relationship, so if you’re listening with someone who doesn’t know about the existence or purpose of physical intimacy, or you’re easily triggered by that, maybe this isn’t the episode for you.To follow up with the Gottmans and all of their resources visit their website here.Here are the journals that Gib uses: The Best Self Journal and a blank MoleskinSubmit your pet to be the pet of the week go to: teshvideos.comCome see us live: teshmusic.comAnd you can sign up for our newsletters at tesh.com to get Intelligence For Your Life right to your inbox.As always, if you like our podcast, Rate Comment and Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher or wherever you get your podcasts. And tell your friends! If you don’t like our podcast, then keep it quiet, I guess.Our Hosts:John Tesh: Twitter: @JohnTeshInstagram: @johntesh_ifyl facebook.com/JohnTeshGib Gerard: Twitter: @GibGerard Instagram: @GibGerard facebook.com/GibGerard
What we do: We fall in love. We neglect the person we love. We don't really talk about what's important. Why? John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman bring a lifetime of experience and observations of thousands of couples to their new book: Eight Dates, Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.
What if you could have eight powerful dates that could totally transform the most important aspects of your relationship with your partner? Whether you’re in a new relationship and trying to figure out if someone’s right for you, or have been with your partner for decades and trying to figure out if your partner is STILL right for you, today’s conversation will help jump-start your curiosity and lead you into deep connection with your partner. This week, our guests are John & Julie Gottman, the founders of The Gottman Institute. They are the co-authors, along with Doug Abrams and Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams, of the new book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love". World-renowned researchers and clinical psychologists, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. They have published over 200 academic journal articles and written 46 books that have sold over a million copies in more than a dozen languages. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Sponsors: Along with our amazing listener supporters (you know who you are – thank you!), this week’s episode is being sponsored by 2 amazing companies. This week’s episode is sponsored by Blinkist. Blinkist is the only app that takes the best key takeaways and the need-to-know information from thousands of nonfiction books and condenses them down into just 15 minutes that you can read or listen to. Go to Blinkist.com/ALIVE to start your free 7-day trial. This episode is also sponsored by Native Deodorant. Their products are filled with ingredients you can find in nature like coconut oil, which is an antimicrobial, shea butter to moisturize, and tapioca starch to absorb wetness. They don’t ever test on animals, they don’t use aluminum or any other scary chemical ingredients, and they’re so confident that you’ll like their deodorant that they offer free shipping - and returns. For 20% off your first purchase, visit http://www.nativedeodorant.com/alive and use promo code ALIVE during checkout. Resources: Visit John & Julie Gottman’s website to learn more about their work. Find out more about John & Julie Gottman’s new book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Buy the Eight Dates book on Amazon. FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict and shifting the codependent patterns in your relationship Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Your Relationship (ALSO FREE) Visit www.neilsattin.com/gottman4 to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with John and Julie Gottman. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello, and welcome to another episode of 'Relationship Alive'. This is your host, Neil Sattin. One of the most important things that you can do for your relationship is something that we've talked about occasionally here on the show, which is to have a date night with your partner, to have something regular that's on the calendar, that's about connecting, and honoring your relationship. And yet, there's more to it potentially than that. Certainly, there's something good for just the regularity and the dedication, but what if you want to actually enhance your connection, enhance your understanding of your partner, and have a series of dates that actually leads you to someplace deeper, someplace more connected, and someplace that really gives you something to offer each other in terms of how you share your futures together. So, it's not just more of the same, but it's a springboard to something even more rich in your connection. Neil Sattin: In order to find out more, we have the pleasure today of being joined by Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, and also Dr. John Gottman, who are the co-authors, along with Doug Abrams and Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams, of the new book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. They are here today to talk about this book and explore exactly why it's so important to come together with your partner with some intention to understand each other more deeply, and not just for the purpose of bringing out the ways that you're the same, but in particular, coming to understand your differences. And we're going to get more into that in a moment. As usual, we will have a detailed transcript of this episode. In order to download it, you can visit neilsattin.com/gottman4, that's Gottman and the number 4. And you can also just text the word "Passion" to the number 33444, and follow the instructions, and that will also get you to a page where you can download the transcript for this week's episode with the Gottmans. So I think that's a good enough start. Without further ado, John and Julie Gottman, thank you so much for joining me today here on 'Relationship Alive'. John Gottman: Thank you, Neil. Julie Gottman: Thanks, Neil. It's great to be here. Neil Sattin: And we were chatting briefly before we got started. Julie, it's especially a pleasure to have you here. We've gotten to listen to John ramble on here and there, but it's nice to have you both here together. And I'm looking forward to hearing more about your connection, and I know that my audience is really excited to learn from the two of you together. Julie Gottman: Oh, thanks so much, Neil. That's really kind of you. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. So, let's start with maybe a softball question, which is, where was this book born from, the "Eight Dates", which each cover such an important area of relationship, and a way to steer into knowing your partner more deeply? Julie Gottman: Well, initially, what happened is that we were privileged to be part of a think tank about relationships, and how to really support relationships nationwide. And we met our friends, Doug and Dr. Rachel Abrams at this think tank. And together, we were talking about how can we really help to deepen connection with couples through a book that would really give people a fun way to connect with one another, give them different types of dates, different kinds of opportunities to really get to know each other better, whether at the beginning of a relationship, or all the way towards the end of a relationship in age, any way we can enhance their connection, deepen their connection, so that people really keep up with who the other person is, how they're changing, how they're evolving over time. And so, the four of us together sat and talked for days on end, recording everything, including our own personal dating experience, which was kind of hilarious, especially before we met each other. And really sharing stories, as well as, what kind of dates would particularly be great for relationships. And then we decided to do some research about it. So we crafted 12 dates and recruited 300 people... John Gottman: 300 couples. Julie Gottman: 300 couples. John Gottman: Yeah. Julie Gottman: Thanks love, he's always accurate with the numbers. To take these dates and see what they thought about the dates, to really experience them. And then we recorded their conversations, the dates that they had, and we learned that out of the 12, several of them were complete duds, they were terrible, people were completely bored, they ended the conversation after two and a half minutes, and then they went to the movies. But there were eight dates that, in particular, people really loved, and we created the book from those. Neil Sattin: Great, great. Yeah, and we're going to get into the stellar dates in a minute, but I'm curious, do you remember what any of those duds were? John Gottman: We had one date that was just about work, and how people felt about work, and that was pretty boring. Neil Sattin: Right. John Gottman: We had to really re-shape that date and change it. And by the way, we had... 37% of the couples of the 300 couples were brand new relationships, and so the dates were really very important for people in very new relationships to find out who they were dating and see if that relationship had any potential. But the overwhelming majority were couples who've been in relationships for some time, and they found it really did enhance the quality of their intimacy. Neil Sattin: Yeah, what I really love about this book, among many things, was that it feels like, in many respects, it's a crash course in curiosity. And so, whether you're in the initial stages of a relationship where you can kind of throw curiosity to the wind, it can sometimes feel like, you're on that dopamine-fueled high of just enjoying everything about your partner, or if you're 20 years into a relationship and you feel like you just know everything there is to know about your partner. I love the way that this book gives people a structure to actually support deeper questions, and to discover how there may be these places where they actually don't know each other, in the case of a long-term relationship. Or yeah, I love that model for new people who are getting to know each other, to really have an opportunity to flesh things out before they're deep, deep down the rabbit hole. John Gottman: Right. Julie Gottman: Yeah. You know, when you think about some of your earliest dates, oftentimes they are so awkward. Everybody's on your best behavior, you've spent maybe six weeks planning what you're going to wear, and you meet each other, you're nervous, you're awkward, you're anxious, and that can last for a while, several dates in perhaps. So, people aren't quite sure how to proceed in getting to know each other, and what aspects should they get to know about in terms of this individual when they're considering the possibility of having a long-term relationship. So, what we really wanted to do was to help people with clear ideas about what fun things they could do in the setting of the date, and then give them, again, these very particular questions to discuss together. And it's not an interrogation, we don't have the big shining light in the parking space as they were answering these questions. Instead, it's really people discussing them together and sharing at a deeper level what their values are, what their history is, what their needs are a bit. Nothing that makes them over the top vulnerable, but something more about where they really live inside, as opposed to the more superficial aspects that people tend to focus on in the beginning. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I'm... And I noticed that you started... Like, date number one is with trust and commitment. John Gottman: Right. Neil Sattin: And obviously this is an important topic in a long-term relationship, and it's one that I thought was curious, it wasn't... There wasn't much of a warm-up there. It's like, here we are talking about these deep things, and particularly for a long-term couple, they're probably at a place, I would guess, where there have been a lot of assumptions about trust and commitment, there have potentially been betrayals of some sort, hopefully just minor ones. But I'm curious if you can set the stage for that conversation in a way that really helps keep people safe as they have the trust and commitment conversation? Julie Gottman: God, that's a wonderful question, Neil. Well, first of all, what we really understand about relationships after learning about relationships for over 40 years, is that the one question that people have with their partners is, "Can I trust you?" That is one of the most important questions. That's what they're focused on, really, right from the beginning. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Julie Gottman: And so, shoot, why not start where people really live, right? Neil Sattin: Yeah. Julie Gottman: And so, that was part of our decision. And in terms of staying safe, we're not asking, "Are you going to commit to me? Are you going to be somebody I can trust?" It's not about that. It's more, "How did your parents show that there was trust between them if in fact there was? Or if there was a lack of it, how did you see that? How did you witness that? What does trust mean to you? Is it important to you? Is it not? Is commitment important to you? Is it not? What makes it important to you?" So again, you're talking a little bit more in the abstract about people's history that doesn't necessarily involve maybe some mistakes they've made. They're talking about what they witnessed in their own life, what they experienced in their own life. And sharing that with one another, so that each partner can just kinda get a snapshot of, "Do we both think about trust and commitment in the same way or do we think about it very, very differently? And if so, does it make sense for us to proceed in our relationship?" John Gottman: Yeah, that date, Neil, turned out to be the most powerful date of all the eight. And couples liked it the most too. So, one of the things that we did was, we had some webinars with the couples in our sample, and they could ask questions and give us feedback. And that date was really, really... It went deep. It was very powerful. And they were able to talk about other relationships they'd seen where people had violated trust, and where people had really demonstrated that they weren't quite committed to the relationship, and the other person didn't know that. So they could talk about how to avoid disasters about trust, how to avoid future disasters of commitment. And what had been the history in the relationship of that, showing that they were trustworthy, that they were committed. So it turned out to be a really fascinating sort of conversations that people had. And I don't think anybody felt alienated in that date from one another. They felt actually reassured and safer with their partner after this date. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. And I want to just point out to our listeners that your book does a great job also of setting the stage not only for the date itself but also for someone to ask themselves these questions first. So there's a certain amount of self-exploration that you do before you're out on the date, so that you already are starting to get your own perspective on this, and can bring that to your partner. John Gottman: Right. Julie Gottman: Yeah, that's one of the beautiful things that I really love about this book. You know, as we all experience, Neil, we are so caught up in the minutiae of our daily lives, and running from task, to task, to task. Sometimes paying attention to the news, sometimes not, sometimes trying not to. And at the same time, do we give ourselves those hours of really looking in the mirror and saying, "Who am I now? How has experience changed me? What are my values now? What do I believe now?" And so, in a way, it's... As you pointed out, the book really gives the opportunity to meditate on who we are as individuals, so that when we do come together in a date to share that, we can do so with more clarity, and maybe humor too. [laughter] John Gottman: Yeah. I want to mention, there was a study done at UCLA by the Sloan Center, and they put microphones and cameras in couples homes, and they studied 30 dual-career couples in Los Angeles, and they had young children. And their wives had really become kind of an infinite to-do list, and they never went out on dates, they spent less than 10% of every evening in the same room with one another, and they talked to one another an average of 35 minutes a week. Neil Sattin: Wow. John Gottman: All that conversation was about, who's going to do what when. But they never had a date that was a romantic date, that really built on intimacy. So they basically were carrying on with life and work and really ignoring their relationship. Neil Sattin: I'm wondering if you could speak to that a little bit on a personal level in term... Because both of you are very active in your careers and have... You had a family together. How have you managed honoring that commitment to date night? And is that something you had all along or was it just kind of discovery along the way, and you were like, "We better do that. It's working for everyone else, we should do that too."? Or, how have you negotiated and navigated that for yourselves? Julie Gottman: Well, one of the things that we used to do when we were living in Seattle, where we are not currently, but we used to not have all that much money. John was a professor, I was a clinical psychologist, private practice, and we were spending money on schooling for our child. And so we discovered the most beautiful hotel lobby in all of Seattle. There was this great hotel, and it had this gorgeous stone fireplace, dark lighting, beautiful soft couches, and we would go on our date night, commandeer a couch and not let anybody else sit there, and we would order one glass of wine, and we would pretend we were guests in the hotel. And we would sit and talk for hours and ask each other these big open-ended questions, similar to the ones that we address in the dates. And John would always bring a yellow notepad to take notes about what I said, which was always a worry because it meant it was definitely going to show up in the book later on. And so, it was kind of like, "Oh my God, I better watch my wording here." So those were our initial dates, which were really, really fabulous. And now, with our busy lives, we are talking all the time because we work together, we are talking on planes as we travel somewhere, we're talking over dinner, we're talking about work, we're talking about the news, we're talking constantly. So... John Gottman: Yeah, but tell them about our annual honeymoon. Julie Gottman: And our annual honeymoon, okay. So, we found that because our schedule is so erratic, it's really, really, hard to have a weekly date, we don't have a schedule like that, because we're always somewhere doing something. So, when our daughter was about eight years old, she went away to camp for three weeks for the first year during the summer and did so every year after that for a while. And we decided, "Hey, she can go to camp, let's go to camp, too." So, we decided to take ourselves to camp, which was specifically this beautiful B&B up in Canada, on one of the islands close to Vancouver BC, called Salt Spring Island. And we would go there for about 10 days and do nothing but talk, we would just talk. And we called it our annual honeymoon, and we've been doing it ever since, every year. John Gottman: We bring our kayak. Julie Gottman: Yup. John Gottman: And we ask each other three questions: What did you hate about last year? What did you love about last year? And what do you want next year to be like? And then we talk about that for 10 days, and really evaluate the year, and then make plans about how next year will be different. Julie Gottman: And the reason we always go to the same B&B, it's been 20 years now, is that there's a restaurant in this little town that serves schnitzel, which is John's favorite. And we have schnitzel every single night for 10 nights. [laughter] It's not only the annual honeymoon but the annual schnitzel fest. [laughter] Neil Sattin: That's good. Well, it's schnitzel every night, and then maybe the rest of the nights of the year you get to indulge in other delights as well. John Gottman: Right. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Well, I did want to mention that Maine has some lovely places to kayak. So, if you're ever in this neck of the woods, make sure you bring your kayak with you. Julie Gottman: Yeah, we would love that. John Gottman: Yeah. And Rachel and Doug also found that, when Rachel was in medical school and doing her residency, that date night was just absolutely essential for maintaining the relationship, and not ignoring it, not making it the last thing on a very long to-do list. So, they kept passion and romance alive that way, and also the emotional connection. So, date night has been important for all four of us. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and I like the idea, too. When I envision Doug and Rachel's story, which they talk about in the book, and I love that, that we get a window into your lives together. I think that's... Maybe we'll even talk about that a little bit. I think it's so curious for everyone, right? Where they're like, "Well, they have all the answers, but what's their life really like? Are they really doing all this stuff?" So, it's helpful to hear. And I also like this idea that if you've prioritized it, and you've shown in so many ways how important it is, families with young kids, families who are... A relationship who's getting older, and why it's important to honor each other that way, and the connection that way. Yeah, I can imagine people triangulating, and just being like, "Alright. This is important, we're committed to how important it is. And this is the one hour that we have in a week where we can find ourselves in the same place, at the same time, without all those other responsibilities," and being willing to be committed in that way, to the process with each other. Neil Sattin: I realize we haven't gone really beyond that trusting commitment chapter in our conversation, but I'm also thinking about... You mentioned the anecdote of John working with a couple who he has this realization that they were never even really committed to each other, they'd always had a foot out the door. And when they got that reflected back at them, that became an opportunity for them to reflect on what commitment really was. And as much as they thought they were committed, were they truly committed to each other? Which is probably one reason why that first date is so powerful for people. John Gottman: Yeah. Julie Gottman: Exactly. John Gottman: Yeah, that couple, every time they had an argument or things got stressful, they were each thinking, "I can do better than my partner." They were thinking about their exit strategy, rather than, "What can I do to get closer and more committed? How can I get past this period? It's stressful." Neil Sattin: Yeah, I think you mentioned that as a harbinger of doom in not your classic Four Horseman of the Apocalypse, but the negative comparisons, and how the impact that that has. Can you talk about that a little bit, so that our listeners understand what that means? Julie Gottman: Sure. There was a fabulous researcher who studied the antecedents to betrayal. What is it that led up to people having affairs? And what she discovered is that, in particular, an individual in a relationship would always be comparing his or her partner to some better alternative, another person who they thought was better than the partner they currently have. And we call that a "negative comparison," or a "negative comp". And we found in our own research that when people continually make those negative comparisons, always finding their partner wanting, always seeing the negative side of their partner, rather than being grateful and cherishing what their partner does provide for them, then that often leads to crossing the lines into developing relationships with someone else, perhaps beginning with a friendship, and then perhaps deepening into a possible betrayal, whether it's an emotional affair or a physical affair, or both. And so, the whole idea of not making negative comparisons with your partner and someone else, but instead trying to see the good in what your partner is, who they are, what they do give you, what they are beautiful in, is a way to really keep the relationship stable, keep the relationship loving, warm, really a treasure for you. John Gottman: And another thing that this researcher, her name is Caryl Rusbult, R-U-S-B-U-L-T, Caryl Rusbult found was that when conflict happens, these couples, instead of giving voice to their complaints and talking about their needs, they'd talk to somebody else about how miserable they were in the relationship, and confide in someone else, not in their partner. And so, part of what this book talks about is, one of the dates is about how to deal with conflict. And the other thing about the book is that it tries to teach the skills of managing conflict well in the relationship, and having intimate conversations. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah, I'm wondering... Just a quick little footnote on the negative comps; is that an intervention that you suggest? So, if I'm someone who notices, "Oh, I do that all the time, I'm always thinking, 'Oh, if I just were with so-and-so, or, the grass is greener.'" And I could even see that being a bit of an addiction for people. And I'm using that term loosely, but that kind of like, "Oh, I could just escape this, and... " What is a way that... John Gottman: Yeah, it's kind of a mind... Neil Sattin: Go ahead. John Gottman: It's kind of a mindset. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Julie Gottman: There are two things that need to be changed with a couple where that's going on. One is that the individual who's making the negative comps needs to be thinking about what do they need that is not being met in the relationship, and bring that up with their partner, not talk to somebody else, as John mentioned, but to bring it up with their partner. To really think about, "Okay, what's missing for me, what is it that I'm feeling? Am I feeling lonely? Am I feeling starved for affection? Am I feeling criticized, or put down all the time?" What is it that they need? And taking their need, and expressing it in a positive way. We call this "Expressing a positive need." Which means if something feels bad, flip it on its head, to think, "Okay, what do I want in place of that negative thing?" For example, if you feel criticized all the time, "I would love to hear appreciations from you. I would love to hear some compliments from you about how funny I am, or how I look, or what a great human being I am," in general of course. So, flipping that need on its head and giving a positive need to it. What is it you do need, rather than don't want or need? That's one thing. Julie Gottman: The other thing is looking at your partner with different eyes. And this, again, takes a whole mental shift. What is my partner doing right? Not, what are they always doing wrong, but what are they doing right? For example, John and I have been together for 32 years, and every single morning he makes me coffee. Anybody who makes me coffee is my hero. [laughter] Julie Gottman: for life upon life. And so, John has been doing that every single morning, and he makes the best coffee in the world. And so, I always thank him every morning for making coffee, seeing the good. I could take it for granted and say nothing, but that's not helpful in a relationship. And I do appreciate it. John Gottman: Hey, you do. Julie Gottman: Right. John Gottman: Well, you can think about the fundamental problem in relationships is that we are actually attracted to people who are very different from us. And that's why the dating websites are really... Have a broken system of match-making. Because they're matching people and saying, "If you date somebody who is just like you, you're going to really like each other." But it really doesn't work. Okay, Cupid, for example, will pair 50,000 people, and 200 marriages result from that pairing. So, they're 96% ineffective for people to meet who like each other. So, it turns out, we really like people who are not like us. We don't want our clone. And then, when we're attracted to this person, we have this asymmetry. But that we have to act as a couple, we have to create symmetry. And the worst way to do that is to try to get your partner to be like you, to try to criticize your partner for not being like you. And that's the fundamental problem in relationships, that's not the way to do it. Really, you have to accept your partner for who they are. And they are different and cherish those differences. Julie, for example, is very different from me. She was a downhill skiing racer in college, she went downhill 50 miles an hour. Her idea, her dream was to go to Mt. Everest base camp, number two with 10 other women. And I'm very different, my dream was to study differential equations. [laughter] John Gottman: I sit in my chair to do that. And so, she's an athlete and an explorer, and I'm just the opposite. I call myself an indoors man. [laughter] John Gottman: So, we have these really big differences. But the ways in which she's different from me, really are quite wonderful, and I love them and cherish them. And if she, on the other hand, said, "What's wrong with you, why can't you have more of a sense of adventure like me?", then she'd be trying to turn me into her, which really doesn't work. And if she was successful in turning me into her, she wouldn't be attracted to me. Julie Gottman: And the other side of that is that John has failed miserably in trying to make me either a mathematician or a physicist. [chuckle] Julie Gottman: We accept each other's differences. I do listen to John when he describes some latest discovery in physics and math. I try desperately to understand. I don't, but I nod my head. And so... [chuckle] John Gottman: But you actually do understand a lot. Julie Gottman: Okay. So we make it work. We make it work. Neil Sattin: I want to point out that at the back of your book, you have lots of great suggestions for people to help them identify ways they actually do cherish their partner. So, if you're listening and thinking, "Well, I've kinda lost touch with that." Or, "It's just like I can appreciate them for the same old thing. I've been appreciating their coffee making for 32 years, but I'm not sure what else to appreciate." Then, it can be helpful to have some prompts in that regard, to help you reflect upon all the different ways that your partner shows up for you. I'm wondering if you could talk a little bit about... Because this is another, in a way, a pre-requisite for the book, although I have a feeling that as you go through each of the dates, you will cultivate this as well. And the question is making the mental shift around developing understanding, and embracing your differences, the way you were just talking about, versus that sense of judging your partner's differences. It's one thing to say, "Listen to your partner without judging them," and then it can be a totally different thing to actually put that into practice. Julie Gottman: Right. So, you're asking how do you work on accepting your partner's differences, yeah? Neil Sattin: Yeah, what is that... Well, I think I'm just highlighting it for one thing, because it's so key to how to have these conversations, I think, is just to realize like, "I'm just trying to understand this person who's sitting across from me, or next to me." Julie Gottman: That's really a wonderful question. We have a particular way of people doing that, which is, first of all, asking each other things like, "What's the history in your family about that particular characteristic or value that you have. Where does that come from for you? What's the background to that that led you to either value this particular way of being, or has led you to love this particular dream?" So, asking about background is important. Also, asking things like, "Well, what does it mean to you to have this particular passion, or this particular love, or this particular characteristic? Is there some underlying purpose to living by this value? What does it mean to you?" So, you're carving out kind of a subterranean region, where you're discussing both more personal history, that may be good, maybe not so good, as well as the more existential piece of who you are, how you've arrived at some particular set of values or characteristics that have meaning and purpose for you. Julie Gottman: Now, the other thing though, is that there's always going to be either lifestyle preferences, or just personality characteristics that you don't know where they come from, they don't have particular meaning. But they are who your partner is. And so it's not necessarily that you're going to absolutely love and cherish those differences, they might drive you crazy. John and I have characteristics like that. He calls himself "Charmingly sloppy," and I'm obsessively neat, a little OCD. [laughter] Julie Gottman: Okay, so that's a big difference, right? So I'm not going to adore the fact that there might be piles of books everywhere. However, however, you create almost ways of coping with those differences that are not necessarily conflict, they're simply, "Okay John, it's been four weeks. I'm now at risk of my life when I make the bed because the pile books next to the bed is so high that I may trip over them and be buried in an avalanche. So, can you please move the books?" It kinda looks like that. So you accept those differences in each other and cherish the ones that really have some purpose and meaning to them. Neil Sattin: Yes, in the very second date night that you talk about is how you work with conflict. John Gottman: Exactly. Neil Sattin: And probably no chance, it's not just a total happenstance that that comes second after trust and commitment. Julie Gottman: [chuckle] Yes, indeed. Because that is what most couples struggled with. We are a culture that has a lot of trouble expressing emotion. We've all been taught that, for example, it's not okay for men to express fear, sorrow, vulnerability, anxiety, fine for them to express anger, but the more vulnerable emotions, not so much. And women are taught that they're horrible human beings, with the B word, if they express anger. So, how then do you have conflicts where there are these constraints and fences around what you express or don't express? So, what we believe is that it's incredibly important for people to express all of their emotions, whether it's anger, or sorrow, or frustration. But that chapter, in particular, really focuses on how do you express those emotions, especially if they're negative ones, and how do you respond to them with empathy when you hear them, rather than just defensiveness, which takes you down the wrong path. That's that chapter. John Gottman: Yeah. We learned that behind every one of these negative emotions, there is a longing, and in that longing, there is a need and a recipe for solving the conflict. So, we have blueprints that we can offer that make conflict really constructive, so it doesn't alienate people, it actually brings them closer together, and creates that understanding that you mentioned earlier. Neil Sattin: Yeah. That reminds me of, I think, it's the 'Dreams within Conflict' exercise that we've mentioned here on the show before, and I think, if it's okay with the two of you, I'll offer it here as well, that if you download the transcript for this episode, we can also include that 'Dreams within Conflict' exercise, which touches, maybe not ironically, two of the dates. It touches that conflict piece, but also the very last date is all focused on your dreams, and what you aspire to as individuals. And it just feels like such a powerful addition, because I want everyone to know who's listening, it's not all trust and commitment, and addressing conflict. You get those out of the way, the very next one is being able to talk about sex and intimacy. And in there is play, and fun, and how you foster that in your relationship, too. So yeah, go ahead. Julie Gottman: Right. So, a lot of people think that "Well, if you solve all of your conflicts, your relationship is going to be just dandy." But we found in our research that that really wasn't true, that you do have to focus on how do you create a more positive experience in the relationship. We all work so darn hard that we forget how important fun is, how important play is, how important a sensitive venture is. And the fact that we can share those with each other is part of the wonder, the beauty, of having a terrific committed relationship. You've got a playmate, you've got somebody you can do all of that with. You can have wonderful sex, you can have intimacy, but you have to be able to talk about what it is that you love, what brings a sense of adventure and fun to you, ways that you would prefer to have an intimate connection. How do you want to do that? What's going to feel great for you? So, it's very important to be talking about all of that as well. That's part of this book. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And I love, too, how because the focus is on developing that shared understanding with that, as opposed to trying to make your partner like you or trying to just figure them out so you can get past all your conflicts somehow, I think what it actually does is it opens up this huge resource for you, of energy, and ways that you can bring more variety and connection into your life. Like each of these dates strikes me as a seed for so many different other experiences that could come from that understanding that you're building with your partner. Julie Gottman: Exactly. That's a lovely way to say it. Neil Sattin: I'm wondering if, and you can say no, you can pass on this question if you like, but I'm wondering if you'd each be willing to share what you think the most valuable skill for you has been in your relationship. What is the thing that... And I'm sure there's more than one thing, but when you think about what being together for 32 years has been like, what has been something that you fall back on, something that not only is reliable for you in terms of helping you in your connection, but also you've had to maybe revisit it again and again, as like being reminded like, "Oh yeah, this is something I'm working on, and I have to bring that attention to my own work and growth in order to make this connection work."? Julie Gottman: I love that question. I'll start, yeah? [chuckle] John Gottman: Yeah, go ahead. Julie Gottman: Okay. So, I think what I've had to work on the most is kindness, without question. Kindness, and keeping in my mind a fixed picture of who my husband is. So, I'm a person who really reacts quickly to things, impulsively to things, I would have been a great emergency doc. [laughter] Julie Gottman: You have a response to stuff, and can respond well, or perhaps not so well. And so, I've really had to work on my tone of voice, what words I use, patience, and remembering that... I've had this vision... I'm going to embarrass John now, Neil. Neil Sattin: Uh oh. Julie Gottman: But, yeah. But I really see John as a genius. You can't say anything. And when you are living with somebody with the kind of mind that he has, then there's going to be unbelievable gifts that you get to share as that person shares their ideas, shares their creativity. And all of those gifts I have been privileged to experience with John. And so, when he's not perfect, when he doesn't clean the counter the way I want him to, see, there's the OCD, the books pile up or whatever, it's like, "Okay, he's writing a grant," or, "Okay, he's working on a book, and he's completely immersed in that." "Okay, he gets up at 3 O'clock in the morning because he's just had an idea come to him, and he's gotta go write it down, and he's going to wake me up with a flashlight in my face." [laughter] Julie Gottman: That's the way it is. And again, the privilege and the honor of living with somebody with whom I will never, ever be bored, ever, is such a gift, that add the little stuff as trivial. And so, I keep that impression and image of who John is in my mind as a fixed picture, and remember the gifts of that, and try like crazy to be kind and to be patient. And believe me, I do not succeed a lot of the time, but... And thank God he's patient with me. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Thank you for your honesty about that, Julie. Julie Gottman: [chuckle] Right. You're welcome. John Gottman: Well, my big problem is defensiveness. And I have to learn over and over again that when Julie is feeling something very strongly, it's time for the world to stop, and me to listen without being defensive, even if she's disappointed in me, or angry with me, or I've done something to upset her. And I do a lot of things that are thoughtless, and often I ignore her because I'm so involved in a paper I'm writing or something like that. And when I concentrate, a lot of times I don't hear her calling my name even, because I really literally don't hear it. So I do things that really hurt her, and I need to listen. And for me, that's very hard, because the first thing I'm thinking is, "Why is she so negative? Just appreciate everything I do, and just come to me when she's really happy." So I had to learn when she's upset about something, the world needs to stop, and I need to listen without being defensive, and try to understand what she's feeling. And usually, when I can do that, it rapidly diffuses the situation. She feels listened to and understood. Even if I'd hurt her, we can repair the relationship and figure out what to do. So that's my constant struggle, I think. Neil Sattin: And do you have a particular way that you remind yourself of that when you feel the defensiveness coming on? John Gottman: I carry a notebook in my back pocket, and I take it out and I take out my pen, and I tell her, "Okay, I'm listening. Slow down, let me write down everything you're saying." And as I'm writing, I get less defensive. I'm thinking, "Boy, why does she have to go into that? What's wrong with this woman?" And then, as I'm writing, I go, "Well, that's a good point." [chuckle] John Gottman: "Yeah, she's right there." And pretty soon I'm really paying attention and listening. So, for me, having that notebook and writing down what she says, and slowing her down, really helps me to be less defensive. Neil Sattin: I love that. And that really reminds me too of your dates together and the notebook that comes along on the dates. So I could see it kind of being a little reminder of like, "Right, we have a connection that transcends this whatever-it-is that's causing conflict right now." John Gottman: Yeah. I probably have about 400 notebooks that I've filled in the 32 years we've been together. [laughter] And they're all piled on my bureau. Julie Gottman: And I'm going to burn them. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Won't that be a lovely ritual for the two of you. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Well, John and Julie, it's been such a treat to have you here with us today on 'Relationship Alive'. Your new book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, is so rich, and I think obviously has a lot to offer couples, no matter where they're at in a relationship. And I think, even if you're single, going through the prep work questions would be really helpful as a way of just understanding who you are and how you operate in a relationship. If you want to get more information about the book, there's a website that is devoted to the "Eight Dates" book, which is eight, the number eight, datesbook.com. You can also visit gottman.com to find out more about Julie and John's work, the work they're doing through the Gottman Institute. And they're going to be on a book tour to support the "Eight Dates" book, traveling all over the country, so you may be able to catch them in your community. And I definitely encourage you, if they're anywhere nearby, go check them out. You'll have a chance to ask questions, I'm sure. And as you can tell, they're delightful people. So I encourage you to go and find them when they're in your neck of the woods. Neil Sattin: Other than that, if you want the transcript to today's episode, neilsattin.com/gottman4. And as you might get, that's because we've had John on a few times before, so you can go to Gottman, Gottman2, Gottman3, and you can get your dose of Gottman, and it's so sweet, Julie, to have you here with us as well. I've loved your contribution today in this conversation. Thank you so much both for joining us, and I look forward to having you here again on 'Relationship Alive'. Julie Gottman: Thank you so much, Neil. It was really fun. Thank you. John Gottman: Yeah. Neil Sattin: Great. Julie Gottman: Okay.
*Get ready for a fast-moving show that will offer you a brand-new perspective on dating, self-worth, and self-love. In this episode, Jonathon Aslay reveals why dating itself can trigger our deepest fears, shares the 4 Pillars of A Successful Relationship, and breaks down the ways in which we can transcend the flawed modern dating scene to have deeper, more meaningful, more successful dates and long-term romantic partnerships. And it starts with the common denominator in all of your failed relationships: you!* That’s right, dating success starts with cultivating self-love and healing childhood trauma. Jonathon is the author of What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway ( https://www.amazon.com/What-Self-Love-Anyway-Jonathon-Aslay/dp/1092498397/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1E7HCX8U07TOB&keywords=what+the+heck+is+self+love+anyway&qid=1567012328&s=gateway&sprefix=what+the+heck+is+self+love%2Caps%2C202&sr=8-3 ) , a book about healing from grief and childhood trauma to cultivate self-love. Jonathon leverages his message to the unique challenges of the modern dating scene. He is a dating coach specializing in mid-life and purposeful dating ― helping clients transcend the usual obsession with chemistry to become more self-aware and understand what Jonathon calls the 4 Pillars of successful relationships: *Chemistry, Common Values, Blendable Lifestyles, and Emotional Maturity*. Jonathon is the real deal, having overcome an assortment of personal setbacks to rebuild his life and gift his message to others. After losing his 19-year-old son Connor in 2018, Jonathon was forced to acknowledge what he’s suspected all along: that dating strategies are often too one-dimensional to have a meaningful impact. Instead, *it’s the act of dating itself that brings out what he feels is the number one emotional health issue facing singles today: a soul-deep lack of self-worth and self-love.* Today, Jonathon is on a mission to encourage both men and women to adopt a daily practice of self-help, personal development, and spirituality, so that they may find true inner happiness, purpose, and peace. With these practices, individuals will attract the relationship of their dreams — and Jonathon is here to help along the way. Enjoy listening to this fun, informative (and quite useful!) show with Jonathon, and if you want to connect with him or learn more about his work, check out his website here ( https://www.jonathonaslay.com/ ). *TIMESTAMPS:* Jonathan Aslay is a dating coach and expert specializing in midlife and purposeful dating. [01:38] Jonathan’s four pillars for successful dating are chemistry, shared values, a blendable lifestyle, and emotional maturity. [03:00] In the dating realm, old memories of “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not lovable” come up. [05:15] After using the dating profile system, Jonathan realized that he was good at interpreting both men’s and women’s profiles and that’s how his business came about. [07:35] The greater issue in dating is not just biology and attraction, it is more a healing of our childhood wounds and traumas. [08:44] Emotional maturity is one of the key pillars of a relationship. If people don’t take responsibility for their choices, they are not emotionally mature. [11:12] The physical connection is nice but to sustain a long-term relationship, you need blendable lifestyles. [16:33] Romance should be reserved for relationships and not just for dating. [18:13] More women than men ask for help from this dating coach. [21:22] In modern times, the way people meet and get together is so different from the past. [23:15] It took Jonathan over 100 failed dates to realize the common denominator in them all was Jonathan himself. [27:23] Self-love means self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance, self-respect. [23:45] Can we assume that most everyone has some wounds from their childhood upbringing and are lingering? [30:54] We can either look inward or look to blame the outside world. [31:58] Sadly, people are dating myopically….just thinking about what am I getting here? rather than respecting the other’s feelings. [41:18] Ask value-based questions on that first date. [46:38] It is important to be honest and straightforward in communicating how you see the relationship. Are you looking for a partner? Are you just having fun? Benefits? [52:40] It’s not necessarily rejection. It is a misalignment. It is an awareness. [54:09] Biology makes up a small percentage of the other person’s personality. [56:15] Meeting up with a stranger is a challenge, these days. [01:04:41] *LINKS:* * Jonathan Aslay ( https://www.jonathonaslay.com/ ) * Jonathan Aslay on YouTube ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDOXs_34FF93o66Z-S0py1g ) * What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? ( https://www.amazon.com/What-Self-Love-Anyway-Jonathon-Aslay/dp/1092498397 ) * Getting the Love You Want. ( https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001 ) * Attached ( https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 ) * Paradox of Choice ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO6XEQIsCoM ) * Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life. ( https://www.amazon.com/Shut-Stop-Whining-Get-Life/dp/1118024516 ) * Eight Dates ( https://www.amazon.com/Eight-Dates-Essential-Conversations-Lifetime-ebook/dp/B079VTH6RH ) * Are You the Right One for Me? ( https://www.amazon.com/Are-You-One-Me-Avoiding/dp/0440215757 ) *Join Brad for more fun on:* Instagram: @bradkearns1 ( https://www.instagram.com/bradkearns1/ ) Facebook: @bradkearnsjumphigh ( https://www.facebook.com/bradkearnsjumphigh ) Twitter: @bradleykearns ( https://twitter.com/bradleykearns ) YouTube: @BradKearns ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4XXEoULD0AiiuPHdRw-Efg ) We appreciate all feedback, and questions for Q&A shows, emailed to getoveryourselfpodcast@gmail.com. If you have a moment, please share an episode you like with a quick text message, or leave a review on your podcast app. Thank you! Check out each of these companies because they are absolutely awesome or they wouldn’t occupy this revered space. Seriously, Brad won’t sell out to anyone if he doesn’t love the product. Ask anyone. * Almost Heaven Sauna ( http://almostheaven.com/ ) : Affordable at-home sauna kits for the ultimate relaxation and hormonal boost on demand * Brad’s Macadamia Masterpiece: ( http://bradventures.com/ ) Mind-blowing, life-changing nut butter blend * CAR.O.L bike: ( http://carolfitai.com/ ) Cardiovascular optimized logic stationary bike for a highly effective eight-minute workout * Male Optimization Formula with Organs (MOFO): ( http://bradkearns.com/mofo ) Optimize testosterone naturally with 100% grassfed animal organ supplement * Perfect Keto: ( http://perfectketo.com/ ) The cleanest, purest, most potent ketone supplements and snacks * LetsGetChecked ( http://lgc.com/brad ) : At-home medical testing with great prices, quick results, and no hassles * Vuori Activewear: ( http://vuori.com/ ) The most comfortable, functional, and fashionable gear, evoking the chill SoCal coastal lifestyle *Donations* ! ( https://app.redcircle.com/shows/db49934a-7fb1-4002-b81a-c97adbb869a6/donations ) This free podcast offering is a team effort from Brad, Daniel, Siena, Gail, TJ, Vuk, RedCircle, our awesome guests, and our incredibly cool advertising partners. We are now poised and proud to *double dip* by both soliciting a donation ( https://app.redcircle.com/shows/db49934a-7fb1-4002-b81a-c97adbb869a6/donations ) and having you listen to ads! If you wanna cough up a few bucks to salute the show, we really appreciate it and will use the funds wisely for continued excellence. Go big (whatever that means to you…) and we’ll send you a free jar of Brad’s Macadamia Masterpiece ( http://bradventures.com/ ) as a thank you! Email ( getoveryourselfpodcast@gmail.com ) to alert us! Choose to donate now ( https://app.redcircle.com/shows/db49934a-7fb1-4002-b81a-c97adbb869a6/donations ) , later ( https://app.redcircle.com/shows/db49934a-7fb1-4002-b81a-c97adbb869a6/donations ) , or never. Either way, we thank you for choosing from the first two options! :] Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-get-over-yourself-podcast/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
© 2020-2025 Ivy Podcast Discovery LLC
