Podcasts about eight dates essential conversations

In this episode of Great Practice, Great Life, Steve welcomes Colleen Goldenfarb back to explore how lawyer work-life balance can unlock professional success, especially for attorneys. Colleen dives deep into the powerful connection between a thriving marriage and a flourishing legal career, drawing from her personal experiences and the Our Great Life Couples Workshop. Colleen challenges the myth that financial success alone brings fulfillment, showing how integrating a strong, harmonious home life with your legal practice leads to true happiness. She shares actionable insights on balancing the demands of a legal career with a healthy relationship, proving that lawyer work-life balance is key to thriving in both realms. Discover practical strategies to achieve the balance you desire, including regular rituals like scheduled intimacy and strategic vacation planning to keep your relationship vibrant. Colleen also highlights the value of weekly meetings with your partner to manage family logistics and strengthen your bond, something that is essential for any attorney seeking harmony. She recommends tools like John Gottman's Eight Dates and personality assessments like Myers-Briggs to deepen connections and navigate differences effectively. Learn how investing in your relationship boosts productivity and satisfaction at work, creating a fulfilling life rooted in authenticity. Whether you're a seasoned attorney or just starting out, this episode offers a fresh take on lawyer work-life balance—showing how success in law and love go hand in hand. In this episode, you will hear: Exploring the link between a strong home life and professional success in the legal field Colleen Goldenfarb's insights from her journey with her husband, Craig, to balance marriage and a thriving legal practice Importance of regular rituals and scheduled intimacy to maintain passion in relationships How tools like “Eight Dates” and personality assessments can enhance personal connections Instituting weekly meetings for consolidating issues and improving home efficiency Strategies for crafting fulfilling vacations by aligning personal and relationship dynamics The holistic integration of life and career for a more fulfilling existence Follow and Review: We'd love for you to follow us if you haven't yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We'd love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. If there's a topic you would like us to cover on an upcoming episode, please email us at steve.riley@atticusadvantage.com. Supporting Resources: Episode 115: The Cost of Work Addiction and How to Reconnect at Home with Colleen Goldenfarb: atticusadvantage.com/podcast/the-cost-of-work-addiction-and-how-to-reconnect-at-home Craig M. Goldenfarb, Esq.: goldlaw.com/our-team/craig-m-goldenfarb Episode 061: The Secrets to Becoming an 8-Figure Attorney with Craig Goldenfarb: atticusadvantage.com/podcast/the-secrets-to-becoming-an-8-figure-attorney-with-craig-goldenfarb The Summit: nsslfc.com Our Great Life Couples Workshop: atticusadvantage.com/workshops/our-great-life-couples-workshop My Great Life® Planner: atticusadvantage.com/books/my-great-life-planner Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman: www.amazon.com/Eight-Dates-Essential-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/1523504463 50 Things to Do When You Turn 50 by Ronnie Sellers: www.amazon.com/Things-When-Turn-Third-Milestone/dp/1416246371 Design Your Life: Weekly Meeting Agenda1. Wins 2. Where we're stuck 3. Review 90-day goals 4. Review/update pending projects 5. Calendar call 6. Request something of each other for the following week 7. Hug Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

In this episode we answer emails from Chris, Andrew and Jenzo.  We discuss portfolio, forms of leverage in leveraged portfolios, transitioning to a Golden Butterfly portfolio, and working with your spouse productively on your finances.And THEN we our go through our weekly portfolio reviews of the eight sample portfolios you can find at Portfolios | Risk Parity Radio.Additional links:Father McKenna Center:  Home - Father McKenna CenterArticle re Margin vs. Leveraged ETFs:  Margin Trading vs. Leveraged ETFs | Cumberland AdvisorsOptimized Portfolios:  Optimized Portfolio - Investing and Personal FinanceLeveraged ETFs Article:  Double-Digit Numerics - Articles - The Big Myth about Leveraged ETFs (ddnum.com)Warren Buffett's Alpha Article:  Full article: Buffett's Alpha (tandfonline.com)Gottman -- "Eight Dates" Book:  Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (gottman.com)Amusing Unedited AI-bot Summary:Ever wondered if using margin or leveraged ETFs is the smarter choice for your investment strategy? This week on Risk Parity Radio, we promise to shed light on this ongoing debate. As we kick off the episode, we liken our podcast to a dive bar of personal finance where humor enthusiasts and seasoned investors alike can find common ground. With a lively introduction, we announce the grand unveiling of our weekly portfolio reviews for eight sample portfolios available on our website. An email from Chris sets the stage for a deep dive into the nuances of leveraging investments using margin or box spreads, responsible leverage, and current rates, all while thanking our generous listeners for their support of the Father McKenna Center.Are high margin rates making you reconsider your investment strategy? We dissect this dilemma by exploring the current landscape and why leveraged ETFs might just be your best bet. With a focus on ETFs like NTSX and UPRO, we suggest additional resources such as Optimized Portfolios to help you navigate your options. Inspired by listener feedback, we also touch on the concept of optimal leverage, referencing studies like "Warren Buffett's Alpha," and discuss the importance of consistent investing strategies over market timing when building a risk-parity portfolio over the next five years.Ready for some good news? This has been an exciting week in the market, with gains across the board. From the S&P 500 to managed futures, everything is up, and our eight sample portfolios are reaping the benefits. We highlight the standout performances of newer and experimental portfolios like the Levered Golden Ratio and the Optra Portfolio. To wrap things up, Frank Vasquez delivers a spirited and humorous sign-off, reminding us to consult with personal advisors before making any financial decisions. Tune in for a rollercoaster of insights and laughs that you won't want to miss!Support the Show.

What makes love last decades instead of years? After studying thousands of couples, Drs. Julie and John Gottman discovered what separates the masters from the disasters. Learn their research-backed secrets, like the 5:1 magic ratio, bids for connection, and the 4 horsemen to avoid. It's all here - including insights from their book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.You can find The Gottman's at: Website | Instagram | Episode TranscriptIf you LOVED this episode you'll also love the conversations we had with Eli Finkel about the self-actualized marriage.Check out our offerings & partners: Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the WheelVisit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Vic and Max are back to share game changing tips for effective communication in your relationship! They share their top two qualities about one another that helps them have great communication, navigate the ups and downs and different phases of their relationship and show up for and support each other. They walk through recent examples of disagreements and how they got through them, prioritizing self-awareness and understanding the other person's perspective. Vic and Max also put together some guidelines for effective communication based on their personal habits that you can apply to have a stronger relationship and a few less problems! Max and Vic are truly couple goals, so tune in to hear their secrets to thriving in your relationship.If you love this conversation you'll also love…Relationship Q&A (My advice on love, friends, and family...)Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of LoveSponsors:NikeLMNTAG1 Cozy EarthProduced by Dear MediaThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

About this episode Welcome to our 6th annual Christmas episode! With Christmas only 6 weeks away, we want to help ease your mental load. So, today we are sharing some gift giving ideas that link to our favorite past episodes. These gifts are in the categories of: Something you want Something you need Something you wear and Something you read! And of course, the gift ideas we offer are something that can enhance the sexual intimacy in your marriage. Sponsor Special for our listeners: Buy an advent self-care set and get a free Anticipation Aromatherapy Roll On (a $9.99 value). To get the bonus, simply add both items to the cart and use coupon code FCWALLIWANT at checkout. Click Here to Visit Share the Soap! This episode is also sponsored by Married Dance - a Christian sex toy store run by a married couple, with marriage-focused products and tips. Be sure to listen to the episode to hear more about the products below and learn why they made our lists! Chris's picks, based on Episode 98: Overcoming Boredom in the Bedroom. WANT 60-Day Risk-Free Bullet Vibrator Pilot Program | MarriedDance 60-Day Risk-Free Traditional-Style Vibrator Pilot Program | MarriedDance 60-Day Risk-Free Air Pulse Clitoral Stimulator Pilot Program | MarriedDance 60-Day Risk-Free Vibrating Ring Pilot Program | MarriedDance 60-Day Risk-Free G-Spot Vibrator Pilot Program | MarriedDance NEED Personal Lubricants | MarriedDance Liberator Fascinator Throw | MarriedDance WEAR Honoring Intimates - model-free lingerie Temporary Tattoos - love-themed Costumes, like a Pirate READ Deck of Sex Position Cards | Christian sex toy store | MarriedDance Sock Monkey Kama Sutra J's picks, based on Episode 75: Our Best Tips for Initiating Sex   WANT Bedroom Makeover: The One Whom My Soul Loves Song of Solomon 3:4 Wall Decal Downluxe Queen Comforter Set Bedsure Bamboo Cooling Sheets Fairy String Lights with Remote (mood lighting) Yankee Candle MidSummer's Night Scented, Classic 22oz Large Jar (other scents available) Let's Snuggle/Let's Get Naked Reversible Pillowcases Love Mop Premium Cotton Sex Towel NEED Higher Desire Wife Subscription (we've been there, we know, we're here for you) - 30-day trial available WEAR Edible Body Paints Glow-in-the-Dark Neon Body Paint Crayons Black Light Bulbs (2-pack) READ You & Me - A Game of Love & Intimacy Couple's Sex Game Gaye's picks, based on Episode 4: Stress and Sex WANT Ultimate Aromatherapy Diffuser & Essential Oil Set - Ultrasonic Diffuser & Top 10 Essential Oils - Modern Diffuser with 4 Timer & 7 Ambient Light Settings - Therapeutic Grade Essential Oils – Lavender NEED 6 Assorted Goat Milk Bath Soaks (bath bombs) from our friend and podcast sponsor, Share the Soap WEAR Aculief Heating and Cooling Shoulder Wrap W/Lavender Aromatherapy READ Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, Updated and Expanded Edition, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Bonny's picks, based on Episode 84: Self-Care and Sexual Interest WANT A better friendship with your husband Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage Pillow Talk NEED We all need Jesus! John (a LifeChange book) Reclaiming Your Sexual Identity after Betrayal - Small Group Led by Bonny Logsdon Burns WEAR Red Charmeuse Satin Nightie by Honoring Intimates Fuzzy Fleece Leopard Lounge Set Belle's Design Flannel Nightshirt READ Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode by Aundi Kolber More Resources Hot, Holy & Humorous Store with sexy Christmas coupons, private gift tags, and more Sex Chat for Christian Wives webinars - value-priced and chock-full of great info for your sexual intimacy From the Bible “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." John 17:20-23 May you and your husband be in unity this holiday season (and beyond)! Affiliate notice: This post contains affiliate links, meaning that our ministry receives a small commission with each purchase made through the link that helps cover our costs. Thanks for joining us at the virtual kitchen table for another great chat! If you could, we'd appreciate you leaving a five-star rating and/or review so that others can find the show.Please be sure to check out our website and webinars at forchristianwives.com. And visit our individual ministry pages for more resources as well: Strong Wives (Bonny Burns) Honeycomb & Spice (Chris Taylor) Calm.Healthy.Sexy. and The Healthy Life Toolbox (Gaye Christmus) Hot, Holy & Humorous (J. Parker)

Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams is a family-practice physician who is also board-certified in holistic medicine. She is the founder and medical director of Santa Cruz Integrative Medicine and Chi Center, where she specializes in holistic approaches to health and sexuality. Rachel has authored and co-authored 5 marvelous books including “The Multi-Orgasmic Woman,” “The Man's Guide to Women,” “BodyWise,” and “Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love,” the latter co-authored with John Gottman, his spouse Julie Schwartz Gottman, and Rachel's own husband, the writer and editor Doug Abrams. What happens when such a highly accomplished human takes a sabbatical? https://www.doctorrachel.com/ (https://www.doctorrachel.com/)

Happy Labor Day and welcome back to Circle of Willis! This episode celebrates the labor of love with a conversation between Jim Coan and Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It was recorded in 2019 at a live event hosted by Fountain Books in Richmond, Virginia to celebrate the release of their book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Through their extensive research and observation of couples, the Gottmans outline the importance of communication and the acceptance of conflict in a strong relationship. Using their own relationship experiences, they condense their findings into a handful of basic tenets that are easily understood, but sometimes a challenge to adopt in practice. Love is hard work! After a long hiatus, this podcast is back with a bang...and a new producer : Sage Tanguay. Look for new episodes every other Monday from here on out! Check us out on Twitter and Instagram for more content. Circle of Willis is a production of the Virginia Audio Collective at WTJU 91.1 FM and Brown Residential College at the University of Virginia. Find out more at http://circleofwillispodcast.com This podcast is powered by Pinecast.

Important note: This is the second episode in a series. If you're just joining us, I urge you to go back and start at the beginning.Whether you're dating or in a committed relationship, understanding your and your partner's money mindset is one of the most essential skills you'll learn. Did you know we all have a “financial blueprint”? This blueprint is created and molded in our childhood and is influenced by our family and environment. Two things can happen when creating your blueprint as a child. You see a habit or pattern and you mimic that behavior and adopt it as your own, or you see a habit or pattern and you reject that behavior because you don't agree with it. And for the truly self-aware, you see a habit and pattern, recognize how it has affected your life, and choose your own path. It all starts with the question, “How are you identical or opposite to either of your parent's money habits and ways of being?”This podcast series features Rebel Finance School founders Alan & Katie Donegan. They offer a free 10-week finance course on how to master your personal finances. Check it out here: http://rebelfinanceschool.com. Resources mentioned in the episode:Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John & Julie GottmanSecrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv EkerI Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit SethiNotes from a Friend by Tony RobbinsThis podcast is brought to you by Ambiance Matchmaking, a matchmaking service for conscious leaders, creatives, and entrepreneurs. Apply to become a member: ambiancematchmaking.com/apply. If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving us a review? It makes a huge difference and helps others find our show.Newsletter: ambiancematchmaking.com/newsletterBlog: ambiancematchmaking.com/blogInstagram: instagram.com/ambiancematch Facebook: facebook.com/ambiancematchTwitter: twitter.com/ambiancematch YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCZzRwyQQZVE8qiqo2VzZ44w DISCLAIMER: The views, information, or opinions expressed on this podcast are solely those of the individuals involved. The primary purpose of this podcast is to educate and inform. This podcast does not constitute medical or other professional advice or services.

Fewer and fewer people are opting to get married as time passes by. Is marriage outdated? According to Marcia Naomi Berger, absolutely not. However, marriage has changed. In this episode, we'll talk about how marriage has changed over the years and why so many marriages fail. We'll discuss some myths and expectations around finding the right partner and we'll delve deeper into understanding the benefits of being marriage-minded and some tips in creating this wonderful connection with you and your partner and so much more. Marcia Naomi Berger, MSW, LCSW, leads dynamic marriage and communication workshops, is a popular speaker at conferences, a clinical social worker with a private psychotherapy practice, and has taught continuing education classes for therapists at the University of California Berkeley Extension, Alliant International University, and various professional associations. She's the author of Marriage Minded: An A to Z Dating Guide for Lasting Love and Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 7:08 The crying need for people to learn how to have good relationships skills and create good marriages. 8:05 How has marriage changed over the years. 11:02 What makes a good marriage? 13:55 Myths and expectations that get in the way of a good marriage 16:48 What men think about marriage and what keeps some women from finding the right person to marry. 18:52 The benefits of being marriage-minded. 20:50 Marcia's advice to those who have lost their passion in marriage. 26:11 Tips for keeping the fun alive when there are so many demands. 29:29 How can people recognize and overcome what's getting in the way of a good marriage. 36:13 The Marriage Meeting framework. Mentioned Marriage Minded: An A to Z Dating Guide for Lasting Love (book) (*Amazon affiliate link) The Marriage Meeting Program: A Strengths-Based Approach for Successful Relationships Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted (book) (*Amazon affiliate link) Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (book) (*Amazon affiliate link) ERP 252: How to Deal with Sexual Performance Anxieties - An Interview with Dr. Ian Kerner Connect with Marcia Naomi Berger Website marcianaomiberger.com Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

In today's episode, Kimberly speaks with world-renowned marriage and divorce researcher Dr. John Gottman! Kimberly and Dr. Gottman pack a lot into this exciting episode. They discuss various topics like commitment, what makes sex great in a relationship, how to be more intentional with your spouse, constructive conflict, dating your spouse, and so much more! Kimberly and Dr. Gottman cover ALL THE THINGS we contemplate most in our relationships, so grab a notebook and a pen to discover more about commitment, what makes a great marriage, and how to make a marriage last.You are going to want to share this episode with your friends and family. So make sure you hit the share button in your podcast player and text it to everyone you think would find value from this fantastic conversation with Dr. John Gottman.Today's Speaker: Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D. World-renowned marriage and divorce researcher.World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. Dr. Gottman was one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker. He is the author or co-author of over 200 published academic articles and more than 40 books, including the bestselling The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; What Makes Love Last; Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love; The Relationship Cure; Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, and Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child — among many others. Dr. Gottman's media appearances include Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah, as well articles in The New York Times, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Glamour, Woman's Day, People, Self, Reader's Digest, and Psychology Today.Co-founder of The Gottman Institute and co-founder of Affective Software, Inc. with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, John was also the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute. He is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded “The Love Lab” at which much of his research on couples' interactions was conducted. To read more about Dr. Gottman's research, check out this page for interesting questions and citations to his work.John co-presents with wife Julie Schwartz Gottman The Art and Science of Love workshops five times a year in Seattle. He also co-presents the Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3 Clinical Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. His style of presentation is clear, informative, and filled with humor, and he is beloved by his audiences everywhere.Website: www.gottman.comBooks: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Eight DatesGet the Attraction Assessment by visiting PIESUniversity.com, scroll down and wait for the pop-up. You'll LearnThe secret to a happy marriageWhat makes sex great and why you should cuddle moreHow to date your spouseSeason 2, Episode 76: Dr. John Gottman: World-Renowned Marriage and Divorce Researcher Reveals All the Top Secrets for Great Relationships

No one goes to relationship school, so Dr. John & Julie Gottman created the Gottman Institute to find out what makes relationships work. As today's guests (and partners for over 30 years), the Gottmans talk about their iconic research, including the myth of compatibility, the four behaviors that tank a relationship, and what is UP with pheromones and attraction. Yep: we're talking t-shirt smell test. We're also taking a research-based approach to conflict, and finding out how curiosity and conversation can help you navigate it. Finally, we discuss the Gottmans' book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love and take your Instagram questions about vulnerability, attraction, and how to stay sexually connected -- even when you're exhausted. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this show FREE:   Je Joue Mio Vibrating Cock Ring Womaness: Menopause Sexual Health And Feminine Care Foria: Premium CBD Products For more information about Drs John and Julie Gottman , visit: gottman.com Show Notes: Book: For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Barbach App: Gottman Card Decks For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com

The past year and a half has been a difficult one for romantic relationships… and some might be stuck in a communication rut with their partner. Relationship experts John and Julie Gottman join us to give advice to listeners about approaching difficult conversations with your romantic partner, and to discuss their book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

We were hungry for more from some of our favorite episodes of "Do You Take This Man?" These are the deleted scenes from episodes with Will & James, Chris & Clay, Marcelino & Edwin, Samuel Anthony, and Bryan & Chris. Included are questions from Sam's two favorite ways to get people talking about relationships: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (John M. Gottman, Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams, Julie L Schwartz) and the New York Times 36 Questions that Lead to Love (Daniel Jones). --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/doyoutakethismanpodcast/support

In this episode, I had the honor of interviewing Amy Yip, a transformation life coach focused on helping Asian American women become the author of their own lives and empower them to let go of "shoulds" & confidently own their worth. After 16+ years of corporate life, most recently at Google, she found the narrative that she wanted to write for herself and followed that path. In 2020, she took a bold action and left the corporate world and is currently coaching remarkable women whilst volunteering and traveling around the world with her husband. I absolutely love Amy's authenticity in this episode as we dived into vulnerable conversations about fertility, quitting a corporate job, redefining success while unraveling our identity as an Asian American woman in the midst of cultural clashes, exploring femininity and overcoming challenges in interracial relationship. Tune into this episode as Amy shares with us invaluable and practical tips on how to get in touch with your needs, tap into your emotions and work with the stories in our head to connect compassionately with ourselves, our needs & desires and our partners. Resources mentioned: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman You can connect with Amy via her website: https://amyyipcoaching.com/ Amy also hosts a FREE monthly Asian Pacific American Real Talks series, where she creates a space space for Asian Americans to come together and have REAL conversations and explore the typically taboo topics within the APA community. Register here: APARealTalks.com --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/permissiontobecome/message

In an age of impatience and decreased attention spans, it can be difficult to navigate hard issues and conversations—whether it’s with your partner, your child, or even a world leader. Today’s clip is with Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, who works with her husband to research ways to create and maintain greater love and health in relationships. Listen in as Dr. Gottman gives us tools to learn the art of listening and compromise. Watch the full clip here. For more info, go to www.gottman.com, or check out her book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Head over to www.pgishparenting.com to download my FREE connection guide for easy ways to have fun with your kids! And I always love to know what you think, so join in on the conversation—subscribe, leave a review, or follow PG-ish on Instagram (@pgishparenting).

Husbands Marcelino & Edwin tell us about how their proposal didn't go as originally planned, but in the end was really sweet. Hear how they planned a cheer routine with their enormous wedding party. The guys tell us how they legally changed their last name by combining their family names into one. We talk about introducing your gay boyfriend to your family for the first time and do a chapter from the book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Watch their proposal and wedding cheer routine on Men's Vows: https://mensvows.com/blog/2017/9/30/in-their-own-cheers-marcelino-and-edwin Become a Patron of Do You Take This Man podcast! https://www.patreon.com/doyoutakethismanpodcast Marcelino's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itsmarcelino/ Edwin's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itsedwinlv/ --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/doyoutakethismanpodcast/support

Fr Alex Goussetis offers analysis and praise for an excellent resource for strengthening your marriage relationship

Fr Alex Goussetis offers analysis and praise for an excellent resource for strengthening your marriage relationship

Fr Alex Goussetis offers analysis and praise for an excellent resource for strengthening your marriage relationship

Fr Alex Goussetis offers analysis and praise for an excellent resource for strengthening your marriage relationship

In today's episode, Allyson & Amber are talking about conflicts we've faced in our personal relationships and how we deal with it to keep our relationship healthy.    The book we mention in this episode is called: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman     Questions to ask yourself/ your partner when it comes to conflict (coming straight for the Eight Dates book): 1. What is the story of how this issue is important to you? 2. Is there a story behind this issue related to your own personal history or your family growing up? 3. Is there a deeper purpose or goal for you in your position on this issue? 4. How was conflict handed in your family growing up? 5. How do you feel about anger? How was it expressed in your family growing up? 6. How can I best support you when you're feeling angry? 7. How do you like to make up after a disagreement? 8. What do you now understand about your partner that you didn't before this exercise?   ✨ you can anonymously submit a message to us here ✨ do have a topic you'd like us to discuss? you can e-mail us at  werealmostadults@gmail.com follow us online:  ✨ podcast instagram: @werealmostadults ✨ amber's instagram: @ambersregalado ✨ allyson's instagram: @allysonabelido   ——  welcome to the we're (almost) adults podcast. Amber Regalado and Allyson Abelido will be your host, confidants, and possibly your next internet best friends. Join us as we dive into uncomfortable subjects that come with adulthood (or at least what we think adulthood is). Be ready, we are going to share unfiltered-personal stories and advice and exploring all the topics you wish you were discussing with your friends!  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/were-almost-adults/support

Lauren and Carlos are afraid their marriage is at a breaking point. With Carlos out of work, an active toddler to care for, and another child on the way, Lauren and Carlos are feeling pressures familiar to many newlyweds—and the pandemic has only made it worse. Can we help this couple find their way back to each other? On this episode of How To!, we bring on John and Julie Gottman, who are not only co-founders of The Gottman Institute and co-authors of Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, but also have been married to each other for more than three decades. They help Lauren and Carlos begin to heal their relationship with tips that can apply to all couples. For starters, you are not your partner’s therapist, Julie says. Looking for patterns in their behavior will only drive you further away from understanding each other. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Tame a Chaotic Household.” Could you use some relationship advice? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Carlos are afraid their marriage is at a breaking point. With Carlos out of work, an active toddler to care for, and another child on the way, Lauren and Carlos are feeling pressures familiar to many newlyweds—and the pandemic has only made it worse. Can we help this couple find their way back to each other? On this episode of How To!, we bring on John and Julie Gottman, who are not only co-founders of The Gottman Institute and co-authors of Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, but also have been married to each other for more than three decades. They help Lauren and Carlos begin to heal their relationship with tips that can apply to all couples. For starters, you are not your partner’s therapist, Julie says. Looking for patterns in their behavior will only drive you further away from understanding each other. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Tame a Chaotic Household.” Could you use some relationship advice? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The 8 Dates method by the Gottman Institute to heal your relationship and deepen your connection. ♡Please buy the book for the full and detailed instructions for the 8 dates. Search Amazon for; Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love John Gottman PhD and 2 more --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/lizzie-choate/support

Recently, I have been recommending the book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love" by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams. Since the last two podcast episodes have been referring to the importance of connecting and dating in relationship, I thought it would be valuable to share this book with you.  (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)   In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:  How being curious and interested in and with your partner will support a lifetime of learning, intimacy and vitality with your partner.  The importance of seeing love as a practice. What threatens commitment and trust in relationship and how to built trust together.  How conflict is inevitable in every relationship, and understanding the real goal of conflict. Learning the difference between solvable problems and perpetual problems.  What helps partners create a great sex life together.  Understanding the essential role of play and adventure in your relationship, so that you can keep things fresh and exciting.    "Vulnerability creates trust, and trust is the oxygen your relationship needs to breathe." by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams.   Mentioned:  Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love ERP 227: How To Date Your Significant Other - An Interview with Dr. Bill Harley ERP 228: How To See Relationship As A Spiritual Teacher - An Interview With Allana Pratt Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:   Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts  Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com     If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.   

If you're going through emotional pain and turmoil, this is a must-listen (whether or not it's relationship issues). Get the guidance and inspiration you need to create change and transcend your pain. Harry is a relationship coach who helps people take charge of their romantic life, from breakup recovery and confidence building to better dating and effective conflict resolution.Quotes to remember: “Transcendence is moving forward in spite of the pain.”“Whatever you experience is preparing you for the next juncture of your journey.”“There is something liberating about acknowledging where you are, as opposed to trying to delude yourself.”“Nobody is immune to a tough time.”Takeaways:A successful relationship is defined by the response to issues, not the absence of themWhen you acknowledge another person’s perspective, they are more inclined to listen to what you have to sayWe all have needs--emotional and psychological needsYou can use pain as a probing tool to discover something about yourself and your situationLooking at your pain and taking steps to address it will cultivate your self-esteemDon’t dismiss what you’re feeling; there is a reason for itJust because you are going through tough times doesn’t mean you are less-thanWhat you’ll learn:About the myth of the perfect relationshipThe distinction between complaint and criticismHow to recover from relationship problems and resentmentHow Harry’s 5-year relationship fell apart despite his extensive self-educationHow he took the pain of the breakup and found the opportunity within it to begin coachingAbout Harry’s response to being bullied and sexually abusedMentioned on the podcast: https://www.harryuddoh.com/Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love - John & Julie GottmanEsther PerelTony RobbinsGuy WinchStephen SnyderThe Six Pillars of Self-Esteem - Nathaniel BrandenKute BlacksonLinks:InstagramFacebook

Astrologer Colin Bedell and I discuss the Relational Houses (Houses 4-8) in Astrology. How to have healthy relationships based on what the signs of these houses need! Who rules your relational house and what are they looking for? BOOKS FROM THE SESSION LITERATURE "Attached" The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love. (2010) by Amir Levine, Rachel S.F. Heller "The Intentional Family: How To Build Family Ties In Our Modern World" (1999) by William H. Doherty The Gottman Institute "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" (2010). Brene Brown. "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence: (2006). Esther Perel 1."Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love." (2019). John and Julie Gottman. 2. "Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted" (2014) Marcia Naomi Berger 1."Getting the Love You Want: A Guide questions like who, what, for Couples." (2007). Dr. Harville when, where, why and how. Hendrix. 2. "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships. (2015) Marshall Rosenberg CHECK OUT COLIN: https://www.queercosmos.com/ Bio: Colin Bedell is a queer Gemini Twin from Long Island, New York. He's a passionate student of secular personal-growth systems, and the universal spiritual themes explored in A Course in Miracles. Well & Good Magazine listed Colin as one of the most influential people in the wellness industry and as a 2020 Innovator. Complementing his work with QueerCosmos, Colin's the weekly horoscope writer for Cosmopolitan.com. His bestselling first book A Little Bit of Astrology from Sterling Publishers debuted November ‘18, his second book Queer Cosmos: The Astrology of Queer Identities & Relationships which launched last November was ranked the #1 Astrology book for beginners by the DailyDot magazine, and his third book Gemini by Sterling debuted January 2020. HOW TO FIND PLANETS IN YOUR CHART: https://youtu.be/EUgvbq-17sQ SOLSTICE GIFTS:https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11465551&appointmentType=15038734 CHECK OUT THE EAT & GREET COLLABORATIONS: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwL0zDMT3qCA8eEDFVfXZCBDik4OZ0jT7 FULL NATAL CHART-https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=167635 READY FOR A READING: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11465551&appointmentType=category:READINGS+%28LOOKING+AT+ONLY+1+PERSON%27S+CHART%29 BIRTHDAY (SOLAR RETURN) REPORT: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=58786 FULL CHART ANALYSIS BY VIDEO: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=248187 EMAIL READING- https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=144274 MONTH BY MONTH PERSONAL BREAKDOWN VIDEO-https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=169746 FACEBOOK-https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stormie-Grace/138693799515065?ref=hl FIND YOUR TRIBE GROUP ON FB: https://www.facebook.com/groups/232632710465654/ https://twitter.com/StormieGrace08 All my love everyone --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/stormie-grace/support

Jonathon Aslay The focus of one of America's Leading Mid-Life Dating Coaches has expanded into a deeper, essential philosophy of what it truly means to LOVE. After losing his 19-year-old son Connor in 2018, Jonathon Aslay’s grief led him on a soul-searching inner journey, where he became aware of an often-overlooked dimension of the dating conversation. Jonathon realized that the process of dating reveals the most common emotional health issue faced by many singles seeking a partner: a distressing lack of self-worth, self-regard, and self-love. Today, Jonathon is on a mission of encouraging both men and women to fully love themselves with a new book, "What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway?"—packed with fun, engaging spiritual and personal growth practices—his dynamic Mid-Life Love Mastery mentorship program, that inspires hundreds of people daily, around the world, and his new podcast, What Would Love Do? Jonathon and What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? (https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Self-Love-Anyway-Jonathon-Aslay/dp/1092498397/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2XO37PA61BZRC&dchild=1&keywords=what+the+heck+is+self+love+anyway&qid=1594664165&s=audible&sprefix=what+the+heck+is+self+%2Caudible%2C362&sr=8-1) www.jonathonaslay.com (www.jonathonaslay.com) Twitter (www.twitter.com/jonathonaslay) Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/consciouscoupling.jonathonaslay/) Youtube (https://www.youtube.com/c/JonathonAslay/) ABOUT THE HOST My name is Sam Harris. I am a British entrepreneur, investor and explorer. From hitchhiking across Kazakstan to programming AI doctors I am always pushing myself in the spirit of curiosity and Growth. My background is in Biology and Psychology with a passion for improving the world and human behaviour. I have built and sold companies from an early age and love coming up with unique ways to make life more enjoyable and meaningful. Sam: Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/samjamsnaps/) Quora (https://www.quora.com/profile/Sam-Harris-58) Twitter (https://twitter.com/samharristweets) LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/sharris48/) Sam's blog - SamWebsterHarris.com (https://samwebsterharris.com/) Support the Show - Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/growthmindset) Top Tip Invest in yourself Bet on yourself. This is the smartest investment you would make. You are your most important source of welath, not your business, not your boss, nobody but you. The best way to achieve a better quality life, to be successful, productive, and satisfied is to prioritize on investing in both personal and professional growth. Self-care is a non-negotiable. Investing in self-care is essential because it creates the environment and habits that help you be your best self. Investing in yourself - mind, body and spirit - not only shapes the way you interact with the outside world, it often reflects the opinion you have of yourself. A large part of your future is determined by your willingness and ability to invest in yourself now. Your life will improve only as much as you are willing to grow yourself. Books Try a free Audible trial of any book here (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Free-Trial-Digital-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?tag=samharris48%E2%80%9321) What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? (https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Self-Love-Anyway-Jonathon-Aslay/dp/1092498397/ref=sr_1_1?crid=TDKVUIUKR432&dchild=1&keywords=what+the+heck+is+self+love+anyway&qid=1594665927&sprefix=what+the+heck+is+s%2Caps%2C337&sr=8-1) You have to love YOURSELF first before you can love another, but what the heck does that even mean? If you're like Jonathon, you might tune out or get annoyed with the idea of self-love. In this no-fluff, straight forward book, Jonathon created a simple approach to answering one of life's most important questions. Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Eight-Dates-Essential-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/B07ZWPVS16/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=eight+dates&qid=1594665554&s=audible&sr=1-1) Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. How to Win Friends & Influence People (https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/B002SQ1C06/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1TW269OH0VER5&dchild=1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people&qid=1594665699&s=audible&sprefix=how+to+win%2Caudible%2C349&sr=1-1) Dale Carnegie's principles endure, and will help you achieve your maximum potential in the complex and competitive modern age. Learn the six ways to make people like you, the twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking, and the nine ways to change people without arousing resentment. Syncify An app that lets you be social at a distance. Listen to your favourite podcasts and books together with friends and groups. Chat about the audio experiences as you share and learn from other users' perspectives. Commit to taking actions by sharing your ideas. To learn more, visit (www.syncifyapp.com) Subscribe! If you enjoyed the podcast please subscribe and rate it. And of course, share with your friends!

 Is there a doctor in the house? In this episode, we're pleased to report there is. Dr. Rachel Abrams joins us to share her insights as to how America became the most anxious country in the world, where our unhealthy relationships with social media and technology can lead and about her unique approach to medicine and how it helps her patients thrive. Well-informed and well-educated, Dr. Rachel Abrams shines a light on the forces that shape our health and well-being and challenge us to look at how we will live our lives after the pandemic. Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, MHS, ABoIM, is a family practice and integrative medicine physician with a specialty in integrative health, relationships, and sexuality and the author of Bodywise: Discovering Your Body's Intelligence for Lifelong Health and Healing. She runs the award-winning Santa Cruz Integrative Medicine Clinic and has been voted “Best Doctor” in Santa Cruz County every year, from 2009-2020.  Rachel teaches and speaks widely and is an expert consultant for media.  Her other books include the recently released, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love and The Man's Guide to Women (both with her husband and John and Julie Gottman), The Multi-Orgasmic Woman, The Multi-Orgasmic Couple, and the audiobook Taoist Sexual Secrets. You can view her work at https://www.doctorrachel.com, on Facebook and Instagram: @doctorrachelabrams, and her blogs at ThriveGlobal.com and Medium.com. https://linktr.ee/rebeccaewhitman

For the first episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with two relationship experts, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They are the founders of The Gottman Institute and they have been studying sex and relationships for decades. The Gottmans have published a number of influential academic papers and bestselling books, with their latest being Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. I cover a wide range of topics in my interview with the Gottmans, including: What is the biggest myth or misconception about relationships? Is believing in a "soulmate" a healthy way to approach relationships? And what can couples do to improve sexual communication in their relationships?

For the first episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with two relationship experts, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They are the founders of The Gottman Institute and they have been studying sex and relationships for decades. The Gottmans have published a number of influential academic papers and bestselling books, with their latest being Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. I cover a wide range of topics in my interview with the Gottmans, including: What is the biggest takeaway or most important thing you have learned from your research? What is the biggest myth or misconception about relationships? What is Eight Dates all about, and who is it for? Is believing in a "soulmate" a healthy way to approach relationships? The idea that sex needs to be or is "supposed' to be romantic is very popular--but is it true? What can couples do to improve sexual communication in their relationships? Are the principles of relationship success similar for same-sex and different-sex couples? What do people in sexually open relationships need to know? What relationship advice would you offer them? Enjoy, and be sure to check out the Gottmans' new book, Eight Dates! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Rogue & Gambit" by Kelly Thompson. This is the episode we've all been waiting to dive into. The last batch of shows have all been about context, filling out the nooks and crannies to Rogue & Remy's relationship, so we can get down to the delightfully dirty business of shipping the greatest X-Men couple. Have we gone too far? We dunno. Kelly Thompson's work on these characters have made us true believers, and we're thrilled to continue to explore their dynamic using "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Drs. Gottman and Abrams as our guide. Issues covered in this episode: "Rogue & Gambit" No. 1 - 5, written by Kelly Thompson, illustrated by Pere Pérez, colored by Frank D'Armata, and lettered by Joe Caramagna.  If you're looking for the interview Thompson did with Marvel about her 90s comic book obsession, then click HERE. Be sure to follow the podcast on Instagram and Twitter @CBCCPodcast, and you can follow the hosts @MouthDork & @sidewalksiren.

Rogue and Remy finally shed their past sins, but is that enough to bring them closer together? We delve into the two Howard Mackie mini-series from the 1990s that defined the romance of the popular X-couple. It's a lot of comics to cover, but they are essential to the conversation if we're ever to join them in the next stage of their relationship. Gambit's past refuses to stay where it belongs, and Rogue refuses to let its murky shadow get in the way of the love she so desperately wants to partake in but is still struggling to accept herself. This is a hot and heavy melodrama, and we are here for it. Now, more than ever, we need the aid of Drs. Gottman and Abrams, and their relationship guide "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love." What are the keys to listening? Putting judgment aside is essential. Being open and honest with who you were and who you are is crucial.  The issues covered in this episode: "Gambit" Vol. 1 No. 1 - 4, written by Howard Mackie, penciled by Lee Weeks, inked by Klaus Janson, colored by Steve Buccellato, and lettered by Richard Starkings. Also, "Rogue" Vol. 1 No. 1 - 4, written by Howard Mackie, penciled by Mike Wieringo, inked by Terry Austin and Jason Gorder, colored by Dana Moreshead, Mike Thomas, and Digital Chameleon, and lettered by Richard Starkings and Comicraft. Be sure to follow the podcast on Instagram and Twitter @CBCCPodcast, and you can follow the hosts @MouthDork & @sidewalkersiren.     

A limited series from the book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love., by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D. About the book: Strengthen and deepen your love with a fun, ingenious program of eight life-changing conversations—on essential topics such as money, sex, and trust—from two of the world’s leading marriage researchers and clinicians. Navigating the challenges of long-term commitment takes effort—and it just got simpler, with this empowering, step-by-step guide to communicating about the things that matter most to you and your partner. Drawing on forty years of research from their world-famous Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. Interactive activities and prompts provide motivation to stay open, stay curious, and, most of all, stay talking to each other. And the range—from the four skills you need for intimate conversation (including Put Into Words What You Are Feeling) to tips on being honest about your needs, while also validating your partner’s own emotions—will resonate, whether you’re newly together or a longtime couple looking to fortify your bond. You will discover (or rediscover) your partner like never before—and be able to realize your hopes and dreams for the love you desire and deserve. Show Notes: This date is about understanding and managing conflict 2:20 Date 2 intro 3:43 Types of conflict

A limited series from the book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love., by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D. About the book: Strengthen and deepen your love with a fun, ingenious program of eight life-changing conversations—on essential topics such as money, sex, and trust—from two of the world’s leading marriage researchers and clinicians. Navigating the challenges of long-term commitment takes effort—and it just got simpler, with this empowering, step-by-step guide to communicating about the things that matter most to you and your partner. Drawing on forty years of research from their world-famous Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. Interactive activities and prompts provide motivation to stay open, stay curious, and, most of all, stay talking to each other. And the range—from the four skills you need for intimate conversation (including Put Into Words What You Are Feeling) to tips on being honest about your needs, while also validating your partner’s own emotions—will resonate, whether you’re newly together or a longtime couple looking to fortify your bond. You will discover (or rediscover) your partner like never before—and be able to realize your hopes and dreams for the love you desire and deserve. Show Notes: 2:16 - the start of the date 2:38 First question about your parents' commitment/lack of commitment to each other and how it affects us

New Year, new X-couple! Rogue & Remy start as an impossible flirtation but eventually transform into one of the most popular pairings within the marvelous merry mutant family. Was their romance destined, or did it take a whole lot of painful communication to make it work? We begin where all stories should, in the beginning, witnessing their first awkward triflings, their first disastrous date, and the second one that sealed the deal. We dive systematically into the heyday of the 90s comic scene by hopping around a seemingly random batch of adjectiveless X-Men comics. To aid us in our conversation, because we're no experts, are the relationship gurus Drs. John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams. We found that their book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" had plenty to say about the cat and mouse antics between Rogue and Gambit, and will easily serve as the backbone for this month's batch of episodes. Issues covered in this episode: X-Men Vol. 2 No. 3 - 4, X-Men Vol. 2 No. 8, and X-Men Vol. 2 No. 24. Be sure to follow the podcast on Instagram and Twitter @CBCCPodcast, and you can follow the hosts @MouthDork and @sidewalksiren.

"A true love story isn't a fairy tale. It takes vulnerability and effort." Contentment versus misery. Peace versus malcontentment. Joy versus heartache. What separates a life of the former from the life of the latter in each of these side-by-sides is knowing when to leave life up to chance and when to choose to invest purposely, intentionally and regularly. To successfully reach the result we desire, as with any process, there is a particular order in which certain ingredients must be welcomed into the recipe. Just as with making an awakening cup of espresso, not only do the beans need to be of high quality, but the proper tools must be at-hand and the knowledge of how to use them properly understood. Equally important, the water used that filters through the ground beans must be of high quality, and then, after the necessary process has been tended to, then, the results we wished to see and experience with our own eyes and tastebuds will materialize and savored. Understanding relationships, from the one we will have our entire lives - the one with ourselves, to the relationships we have with others, either platonic or romantic, and how healthy relationships work, and what they require of each of us is life-changing knowledge to possess. The "Before" "There are no directions. There are no checklists. There’s no “to do” when it comes to love, there’s only “to feel” and feeling cannot be predetermined, it cannot be forced. It arises when we move from our heads into our hearts, stay present, and let go; when we drop our typical millennial, achievement-driven style and instead, remember, the only thing truly in our control is our ability to surrender." —Dr. Jordana Jacobs, in a recent article for We Are Doré I recently received a question from a TSLL reader in her mid-to-late twenties, and I appreciated her candid and sincere question about relationships in which she inquired about how to not be envious of those already in relationships when she is not in one and would like to be. The question inquired about my approach most specifically as she had previously shared she appreciated the celebration and contentment I express of being single (for readers who may not know, I am 40) and enjoying my life. I have shared my response below. "Great question. I honestly, after thoughtful observation of what I needed in my own life to flourish, have not been envious [of close friends who "get into" wonderful relationships]. But I do think my temperament is suited to my lifestyle. I think, especially if you wish to be in a relationship, that if you remain open, but do not focus on finding one, it will happen when you are living a life you love no matter what that involves. The universe can surprise you in the most amazing ways." I want to thank the TSLL reader who reached out with her question (I will keep her name private as this was a DM conversation) because I know she is not alone in her quandary. As good timing would have it, after reading this article regarding how currently the culture is approaching dating incorrectly, I found myself nodding in agreement profusely. What I have realized upon reflection as to part of the reason my twenties were unnecessarily exhausting was the energy expended on doing what I thought I "had to do". In this case, the idea that I was supposed to be dating or seeing or getting close to finding my life partner. My experience was less about being inspired by other couples and more a response of not wanting to feel like an outsider. However, it was in my thirties that I finally, as I shared in my books, fully invested my time (outside of my daily teaching job) into getting to know myself and invest in opportunities that my curiosities led me toward. More contentment had and has never been before experienced, and in my case, it all happened without a partner and solely due to my investment in the relationshp I have with myself. Our life's journey, as much as we would like them to be made clear, especially regarding our relationships with others, but vitally as important as the relationship we have with ourselves and where this knowledge will lead, cannot be made known before the opportunities cross our path. When said opportunities cross our path, whether they hint where our passion could lead us or a person who we could not have described until we met them and spent time with them, if we are in tune with themselves, so thereby grounded, but also open to the unknown, that is when our lives begin to blossom. ~Related Posts/Episodes You Might Enjoy: Why Not . . . Get to Know Yourself? 3-part series episode #179, Choosing a Partner — Part Deux: The Importance of Knowing Yourself & The Crucial Must-Have A Wise Investment: Understanding Yourself by Taking Off the Blindfold The "During" "Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts. A lifetime of love is created every single day you are together." —Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, co-authors of Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love As much as our lives depends upon chance when it comes to relationships (with ourselves or with others), once chance has introduced us to the career that speaks our language in a way to offer the vehicle to express our talents and passions with the world or to the person who we mesh with more than we ever thought would be humanly possible, this is where chance steps aside (after all, it has put forth an immense amount of effort) and choice steps forward. Even though the adage "If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life" has been stated as fact quite frequently, the fact of the matter is, the idea of "work" must be put into context. If "work" is seen as a having a negative connotation, then perhaps the quote is true as you are doing something you love doing, but if we look at "work" through its benign, literal definition, it involves effort, dedication, diligence and regular maintenance to ensure the career we so love having the opportunity to be a part of our lives keeps humming forward successfully. When it comes to the latter interpretation of work, the same must be said, according to the co-authors, husband and wife, Dr. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman, of the new book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love , for loving, healthy romantic relationships as well. Too often, when a couple or a desired career path fails beyond the initial success or wedding day, it is because the choice and chance were flipped. In other words, the idea that technology and endless "dating" as a "to do" item in our planners would suggest we cannot leave our love lives to chance. But as scary as it might sound, if we wish to find a partner that sees us for who we are, respects us for what we do and desires to get to know us because of this truth, we must strengthen our relationshp with ourselves first and thus fall in love with our lives with or without a partner. In doing so, we are leaving our "finding" of a partner largely up to chance. It doesn't mean we don't put ourselves out there, but it does mean putting our phones and all of the seemingly amazingly helpful apps down. Further, once chance has led us, no matter how long it has taken, to what we patiently hoped we would one day discover, we must then regularly make the choice to continue to invest. Both with our emotional vulnerability and our time. If we want our relationship to grow, deepen, strengthen and endure whether it be our relationship with ourselves or with another, we must choose to put the energy forward of our time, our priority and our courage of belief in what seemingly magically introduced itself into our lives and we bravely recognized it to be something that aligned with ourselves. ~Related Posts/Episodes You Might Enjoy: 16 Tools to Ensure You Are Ready for Real Love episode #11, 7 Components to Healthy, Strong Relationships episode #252, The Characteristis of Being a Late Bloomer and How Embracing This Gift Could Change the World for Everyone At this moment, each of us are at a different point along our journeys whether in our career, or I would argue calling or the pursuit of our calling as well along the journey regarding relationships. Once we recognize where we are, we can discover the clarity of understanding how to proceed. With the right balance of being open to chance and embracing the responsiblity of choosing to invest, the discovery of unexpectedly awesome abundance and contentment will dance into and throughout our everyday lives. Petit Plaisir: ~Trader Joe's Sea Salt & Turbinado Sugar and Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds ~A big thank you to TSLL reader Sarah for finding a recipe to make your own: click here. https://www.instagram.com/p/B30O3MhABGA/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link ~Sponsor of Today's Episode: Click here for the SHOPTAGR App and to be entered automatically for a giveaway to win $250 $500. The winner will be announced Friday November 22nd. ~via affiliate links, some commissions are earned by TSLL. View Full Disclosures at the bottom of this page.

Love. What makes it work? And, keep working for life?That's where we're headed in today's conversation with legendary co-founders of the Gottman Institute a/k/a the "Love Lab," Julie and John Gottman. Drawing upon Julie's decades of clinical observations and John's 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples, they've developed stunning insights into what makes relationships work and last.Julie and John lead The Art and Science of Love (https://www.gottman.com/product/the-art-and-science-of-love-workshop-live-seattle/) and many other workshops in Seattle and Julie has also co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/). Between them, they've written a number of bestselling books on love and relationships, the latest of which, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for Lifetime of Love (https://amzn.to/2H5NnQM), integrates their decades of collaboration into a prescription for couples to make eight dates that will bring them together and keep their relationship vibrant.Check out our offerings & partners: Care/of: For 30% off your first Care/of order, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter promo GOODLIFE30Robinhood: A commission-free investing app is giving listeners a FREE stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help build your portfolio! Sign up at GOODLIFE.robinhood.comThirdLove: Go to ThirdLove.com/GOODLIFE now to find your perfect fitting bra... and get 15% off your first purchase.Mailchimp: Now what? Mailchimp, that’s what. Learn more at mailchimp.com

Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is one of the world’s most preeminent relationship researchers. Along with her husband Dr. John Gottman, they run the Gottman Institute, who have conducted many of the world’s most extensive studies on marital stability. This week we delve straight into trauma, including Dr. Gottman’s previous trauma work, the trauma of infidelity, and the Gottman therapy related to this trauma. Lastly, we discuss their latest book - Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. What is it that makes a good relationship and how do good relationships benefit us? Podcast Highlights: 5mins - Julie’s background in trauma research and her journey to the Gottman Institute. 14mins - Trauma, what is it? What does it do to us? What does it feel like? 21mins - The healing power of connection. 25mins - The Gottman’s couples conflict resolution approach - what questions do you need to ask your partner? 32mins - Cheating, infidelity and the trauma in betrayal. 36mins - Therapy for infidelity, the three-stage process. 41mins - What often leads to infidelity? 50mins - Eight Dates, the Gottman’s newest book on dating and relationships in their initial phases. Podcast Details: The Gottman Institute Eight Dates - Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love The Gottman Institute Instagram

Couples often connect and fall in love by talking. But what conversations should a new couple have to know if their love will last a lifetime? And, what conversations should long-term couples have to reinvigorate the connection and passion? Dr. Terri talks to Drs. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman, leading experts, researchers, and authors of the new book, "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love". The Gottmans have been studying the masters and disasters of relationships for over 40 years and are founders of the world-renowned Love Lab. Their latest book is a tested program of eight fun, conversation-based dates that will result in a lifetime of understanding and commitment, whether a couple is newly in love or has been together for decades.

John and Julie Gottman are the pioneers of relationship research. Their work has transformed the lives of millions of people all over the world. Yesterday, their new book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love came out, and I thought today would be a great chance to re-broadcast their interview and encourage you to snag the book. I hope you enjoy this interview with 2 absolute legends.

What if you could have eight powerful dates that could totally transform the most important aspects of your relationship with your partner? Whether you’re in a new relationship and trying to figure out if someone’s right for you, or have been with your partner for decades and trying to figure out if your partner is STILL right for you, today’s conversation will help jump-start your curiosity and lead you into deep connection with your partner. This week, our guests are John & Julie Gottman, the founders of The Gottman Institute. They are the co-authors, along with Doug Abrams and Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams, of the new book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love". World-renowned researchers and clinical psychologists, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. They have published over 200 academic journal articles and written 46 books that have sold over a million copies in more than a dozen languages. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Sponsors: Along with our amazing listener supporters (you know who you are – thank you!), this week’s episode is being sponsored by 2 amazing companies. This week’s episode is sponsored by Blinkist. Blinkist is the only app that takes the best key takeaways and the need-to-know information from thousands of nonfiction books and condenses them down into just 15 minutes that you can read or listen to. Go to Blinkist.com/ALIVE to start your free 7-day trial. This episode is also sponsored by Native Deodorant. Their products are filled with ingredients you can find in nature like coconut oil, which is an antimicrobial, shea butter to moisturize, and tapioca starch to absorb wetness. They don’t ever test on animals, they don’t use aluminum or any other scary chemical ingredients, and they’re so confident that you’ll like their deodorant that they offer free shipping - and returns. For 20% off your first purchase, visit http://www.nativedeodorant.com/alive and use promo code ALIVE during checkout. Resources: Visit John & Julie Gottman’s website to learn more about their work. Find out more about John & Julie Gottman’s new book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Buy the Eight Dates book on Amazon. FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict and shifting the codependent patterns in your relationship Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Your Relationship (ALSO FREE) Visit www.neilsattin.com/gottman4 to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with John and Julie Gottman. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello, and welcome to another episode of 'Relationship Alive'. This is your host, Neil Sattin. One of the most important things that you can do for your relationship is something that we've talked about occasionally here on the show, which is to have a date night with your partner, to have something regular that's on the calendar, that's about connecting, and honoring your relationship. And yet, there's more to it potentially than that. Certainly, there's something good for just the regularity and the dedication, but what if you want to actually enhance your connection, enhance your understanding of your partner, and have a series of dates that actually leads you to someplace deeper, someplace more connected, and someplace that really gives you something to offer each other in terms of how you share your futures together. So, it's not just more of the same, but it's a springboard to something even more rich in your connection. Neil Sattin: In order to find out more, we have the pleasure today of being joined by Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, and also Dr. John Gottman, who are the co-authors, along with Doug Abrams and Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams, of the new book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. They are here today to talk about this book and explore exactly why it's so important to come together with your partner with some intention to understand each other more deeply, and not just for the purpose of bringing out the ways that you're the same, but in particular, coming to understand your differences. And we're going to get more into that in a moment. As usual, we will have a detailed transcript of this episode. In order to download it, you can visit neilsattin.com/gottman4, that's Gottman and the number 4. And you can also just text the word "Passion" to the number 33444, and follow the instructions, and that will also get you to a page where you can download the transcript for this week's episode with the Gottmans. So I think that's a good enough start. Without further ado, John and Julie Gottman, thank you so much for joining me today here on 'Relationship Alive'. John Gottman: Thank you, Neil. Julie Gottman: Thanks, Neil. It's great to be here. Neil Sattin: And we were chatting briefly before we got started. Julie, it's especially a pleasure to have you here. We've gotten to listen to John ramble on here and there, but it's nice to have you both here together. And I'm looking forward to hearing more about your connection, and I know that my audience is really excited to learn from the two of you together. Julie Gottman: Oh, thanks so much, Neil. That's really kind of you. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. So, let's start with maybe a softball question, which is, where was this book born from, the "Eight Dates", which each cover such an important area of relationship, and a way to steer into knowing your partner more deeply? Julie Gottman: Well, initially, what happened is that we were privileged to be part of a think tank about relationships, and how to really support relationships nationwide. And we met our friends, Doug and Dr. Rachel Abrams at this think tank. And together, we were talking about how can we really help to deepen connection with couples through a book that would really give people a fun way to connect with one another, give them different types of dates, different kinds of opportunities to really get to know each other better, whether at the beginning of a relationship, or all the way towards the end of a relationship in age, any way we can enhance their connection, deepen their connection, so that people really keep up with who the other person is, how they're changing, how they're evolving over time. And so, the four of us together sat and talked for days on end, recording everything, including our own personal dating experience, which was kind of hilarious, especially before we met each other. And really sharing stories, as well as, what kind of dates would particularly be great for relationships. And then we decided to do some research about it. So we crafted 12 dates and recruited 300 people... John Gottman: 300 couples. Julie Gottman: 300 couples. John Gottman: Yeah. Julie Gottman: Thanks love, he's always accurate with the numbers. To take these dates and see what they thought about the dates, to really experience them. And then we recorded their conversations, the dates that they had, and we learned that out of the 12, several of them were complete duds, they were terrible, people were completely bored, they ended the conversation after two and a half minutes, and then they went to the movies. But there were eight dates that, in particular, people really loved, and we created the book from those. Neil Sattin: Great, great. Yeah, and we're going to get into the stellar dates in a minute, but I'm curious, do you remember what any of those duds were? John Gottman: We had one date that was just about work, and how people felt about work, and that was pretty boring. Neil Sattin: Right. John Gottman: We had to really re-shape that date and change it. And by the way, we had... 37% of the couples of the 300 couples were brand new relationships, and so the dates were really very important for people in very new relationships to find out who they were dating and see if that relationship had any potential. But the overwhelming majority were couples who've been in relationships for some time, and they found it really did enhance the quality of their intimacy. Neil Sattin: Yeah, what I really love about this book, among many things, was that it feels like, in many respects, it's a crash course in curiosity. And so, whether you're in the initial stages of a relationship where you can kind of throw curiosity to the wind, it can sometimes feel like, you're on that dopamine-fueled high of just enjoying everything about your partner, or if you're 20 years into a relationship and you feel like you just know everything there is to know about your partner. I love the way that this book gives people a structure to actually support deeper questions, and to discover how there may be these places where they actually don't know each other, in the case of a long-term relationship. Or yeah, I love that model for new people who are getting to know each other, to really have an opportunity to flesh things out before they're deep, deep down the rabbit hole. John Gottman: Right. Julie Gottman: Yeah. You know, when you think about some of your earliest dates, oftentimes they are so awkward. Everybody's on your best behavior, you've spent maybe six weeks planning what you're going to wear, and you meet each other, you're nervous, you're awkward, you're anxious, and that can last for a while, several dates in perhaps. So, people aren't quite sure how to proceed in getting to know each other, and what aspects should they get to know about in terms of this individual when they're considering the possibility of having a long-term relationship. So, what we really wanted to do was to help people with clear ideas about what fun things they could do in the setting of the date, and then give them, again, these very particular questions to discuss together. And it's not an interrogation, we don't have the big shining light in the parking space as they were answering these questions. Instead, it's really people discussing them together and sharing at a deeper level what their values are, what their history is, what their needs are a bit. Nothing that makes them over the top vulnerable, but something more about where they really live inside, as opposed to the more superficial aspects that people tend to focus on in the beginning. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I'm... And I noticed that you started... Like, date number one is with trust and commitment. John Gottman: Right. Neil Sattin: And obviously this is an important topic in a long-term relationship, and it's one that I thought was curious, it wasn't... There wasn't much of a warm-up there. It's like, here we are talking about these deep things, and particularly for a long-term couple, they're probably at a place, I would guess, where there have been a lot of assumptions about trust and commitment, there have potentially been betrayals of some sort, hopefully just minor ones. But I'm curious if you can set the stage for that conversation in a way that really helps keep people safe as they have the trust and commitment conversation? Julie Gottman: God, that's a wonderful question, Neil. Well, first of all, what we really understand about relationships after learning about relationships for over 40 years, is that the one question that people have with their partners is, "Can I trust you?" That is one of the most important questions. That's what they're focused on, really, right from the beginning. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Julie Gottman: And so, shoot, why not start where people really live, right? Neil Sattin: Yeah. Julie Gottman: And so, that was part of our decision. And in terms of staying safe, we're not asking, "Are you going to commit to me? Are you going to be somebody I can trust?" It's not about that. It's more, "How did your parents show that there was trust between them if in fact there was? Or if there was a lack of it, how did you see that? How did you witness that? What does trust mean to you? Is it important to you? Is it not? Is commitment important to you? Is it not? What makes it important to you?" So again, you're talking a little bit more in the abstract about people's history that doesn't necessarily involve maybe some mistakes they've made. They're talking about what they witnessed in their own life, what they experienced in their own life. And sharing that with one another, so that each partner can just kinda get a snapshot of, "Do we both think about trust and commitment in the same way or do we think about it very, very differently? And if so, does it make sense for us to proceed in our relationship?" John Gottman: Yeah, that date, Neil, turned out to be the most powerful date of all the eight. And couples liked it the most too. So, one of the things that we did was, we had some webinars with the couples in our sample, and they could ask questions and give us feedback. And that date was really, really... It went deep. It was very powerful. And they were able to talk about other relationships they'd seen where people had violated trust, and where people had really demonstrated that they weren't quite committed to the relationship, and the other person didn't know that. So they could talk about how to avoid disasters about trust, how to avoid future disasters of commitment. And what had been the history in the relationship of that, showing that they were trustworthy, that they were committed. So it turned out to be a really fascinating sort of conversations that people had. And I don't think anybody felt alienated in that date from one another. They felt actually reassured and safer with their partner after this date. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. And I want to just point out to our listeners that your book does a great job also of setting the stage not only for the date itself but also for someone to ask themselves these questions first. So there's a certain amount of self-exploration that you do before you're out on the date, so that you already are starting to get your own perspective on this, and can bring that to your partner. John Gottman: Right. Julie Gottman: Yeah, that's one of the beautiful things that I really love about this book. You know, as we all experience, Neil, we are so caught up in the minutiae of our daily lives, and running from task, to task, to task. Sometimes paying attention to the news, sometimes not, sometimes trying not to. And at the same time, do we give ourselves those hours of really looking in the mirror and saying, "Who am I now? How has experience changed me? What are my values now? What do I believe now?" And so, in a way, it's... As you pointed out, the book really gives the opportunity to meditate on who we are as individuals, so that when we do come together in a date to share that, we can do so with more clarity, and maybe humor too. [laughter] John Gottman: Yeah. I want to mention, there was a study done at UCLA by the Sloan Center, and they put microphones and cameras in couples homes, and they studied 30 dual-career couples in Los Angeles, and they had young children. And their wives had really become kind of an infinite to-do list, and they never went out on dates, they spent less than 10% of every evening in the same room with one another, and they talked to one another an average of 35 minutes a week. Neil Sattin: Wow. John Gottman: All that conversation was about, who's going to do what when. But they never had a date that was a romantic date, that really built on intimacy. So they basically were carrying on with life and work and really ignoring their relationship. Neil Sattin: I'm wondering if you could speak to that a little bit on a personal level in term... Because both of you are very active in your careers and have... You had a family together. How have you managed honoring that commitment to date night? And is that something you had all along or was it just kind of discovery along the way, and you were like, "We better do that. It's working for everyone else, we should do that too."? Or, how have you negotiated and navigated that for yourselves? Julie Gottman: Well, one of the things that we used to do when we were living in Seattle, where we are not currently, but we used to not have all that much money. John was a professor, I was a clinical psychologist, private practice, and we were spending money on schooling for our child. And so we discovered the most beautiful hotel lobby in all of Seattle. There was this great hotel, and it had this gorgeous stone fireplace, dark lighting, beautiful soft couches, and we would go on our date night, commandeer a couch and not let anybody else sit there, and we would order one glass of wine, and we would pretend we were guests in the hotel. And we would sit and talk for hours and ask each other these big open-ended questions, similar to the ones that we address in the dates. And John would always bring a yellow notepad to take notes about what I said, which was always a worry because it meant it was definitely going to show up in the book later on. And so, it was kind of like, "Oh my God, I better watch my wording here." So those were our initial dates, which were really, really fabulous. And now, with our busy lives, we are talking all the time because we work together, we are talking on planes as we travel somewhere, we're talking over dinner, we're talking about work, we're talking about the news, we're talking constantly. So... John Gottman: Yeah, but tell them about our annual honeymoon. Julie Gottman: And our annual honeymoon, okay. So, we found that because our schedule is so erratic, it's really, really, hard to have a weekly date, we don't have a schedule like that, because we're always somewhere doing something. So, when our daughter was about eight years old, she went away to camp for three weeks for the first year during the summer and did so every year after that for a while. And we decided, "Hey, she can go to camp, let's go to camp, too." So, we decided to take ourselves to camp, which was specifically this beautiful B&B up in Canada, on one of the islands close to Vancouver BC, called Salt Spring Island. And we would go there for about 10 days and do nothing but talk, we would just talk. And we called it our annual honeymoon, and we've been doing it ever since, every year. John Gottman: We bring our kayak. Julie Gottman: Yup. John Gottman: And we ask each other three questions: What did you hate about last year? What did you love about last year? And what do you want next year to be like? And then we talk about that for 10 days, and really evaluate the year, and then make plans about how next year will be different. Julie Gottman: And the reason we always go to the same B&B, it's been 20 years now, is that there's a restaurant in this little town that serves schnitzel, which is John's favorite. And we have schnitzel every single night for 10 nights. [laughter] It's not only the annual honeymoon but the annual schnitzel fest. [laughter] Neil Sattin: That's good. Well, it's schnitzel every night, and then maybe the rest of the nights of the year you get to indulge in other delights as well. John Gottman: Right. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Well, I did want to mention that Maine has some lovely places to kayak. So, if you're ever in this neck of the woods, make sure you bring your kayak with you. Julie Gottman: Yeah, we would love that. John Gottman: Yeah. And Rachel and Doug also found that, when Rachel was in medical school and doing her residency, that date night was just absolutely essential for maintaining the relationship, and not ignoring it, not making it the last thing on a very long to-do list. So, they kept passion and romance alive that way, and also the emotional connection. So, date night has been important for all four of us. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and I like the idea, too. When I envision Doug and Rachel's story, which they talk about in the book, and I love that, that we get a window into your lives together. I think that's... Maybe we'll even talk about that a little bit. I think it's so curious for everyone, right? Where they're like, "Well, they have all the answers, but what's their life really like? Are they really doing all this stuff?" So, it's helpful to hear. And I also like this idea that if you've prioritized it, and you've shown in so many ways how important it is, families with young kids, families who are... A relationship who's getting older, and why it's important to honor each other that way, and the connection that way. Yeah, I can imagine people triangulating, and just being like, "Alright. This is important, we're committed to how important it is. And this is the one hour that we have in a week where we can find ourselves in the same place, at the same time, without all those other responsibilities," and being willing to be committed in that way, to the process with each other. Neil Sattin: I realize we haven't gone really beyond that trusting commitment chapter in our conversation, but I'm also thinking about... You mentioned the anecdote of John working with a couple who he has this realization that they were never even really committed to each other, they'd always had a foot out the door. And when they got that reflected back at them, that became an opportunity for them to reflect on what commitment really was. And as much as they thought they were committed, were they truly committed to each other? Which is probably one reason why that first date is so powerful for people. John Gottman: Yeah. Julie Gottman: Exactly. John Gottman: Yeah, that couple, every time they had an argument or things got stressful, they were each thinking, "I can do better than my partner." They were thinking about their exit strategy, rather than, "What can I do to get closer and more committed? How can I get past this period? It's stressful." Neil Sattin: Yeah, I think you mentioned that as a harbinger of doom in not your classic Four Horseman of the Apocalypse, but the negative comparisons, and how the impact that that has. Can you talk about that a little bit, so that our listeners understand what that means? Julie Gottman: Sure. There was a fabulous researcher who studied the antecedents to betrayal. What is it that led up to people having affairs? And what she discovered is that, in particular, an individual in a relationship would always be comparing his or her partner to some better alternative, another person who they thought was better than the partner they currently have. And we call that a "negative comparison," or a "negative comp". And we found in our own research that when people continually make those negative comparisons, always finding their partner wanting, always seeing the negative side of their partner, rather than being grateful and cherishing what their partner does provide for them, then that often leads to crossing the lines into developing relationships with someone else, perhaps beginning with a friendship, and then perhaps deepening into a possible betrayal, whether it's an emotional affair or a physical affair, or both. And so, the whole idea of not making negative comparisons with your partner and someone else, but instead trying to see the good in what your partner is, who they are, what they do give you, what they are beautiful in, is a way to really keep the relationship stable, keep the relationship loving, warm, really a treasure for you. John Gottman: And another thing that this researcher, her name is Caryl Rusbult, R-U-S-B-U-L-T, Caryl Rusbult found was that when conflict happens, these couples, instead of giving voice to their complaints and talking about their needs, they'd talk to somebody else about how miserable they were in the relationship, and confide in someone else, not in their partner. And so, part of what this book talks about is, one of the dates is about how to deal with conflict. And the other thing about the book is that it tries to teach the skills of managing conflict well in the relationship, and having intimate conversations. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah, I'm wondering... Just a quick little footnote on the negative comps; is that an intervention that you suggest? So, if I'm someone who notices, "Oh, I do that all the time, I'm always thinking, 'Oh, if I just were with so-and-so, or, the grass is greener.'" And I could even see that being a bit of an addiction for people. And I'm using that term loosely, but that kind of like, "Oh, I could just escape this, and... " What is a way that... John Gottman: Yeah, it's kind of a mind... Neil Sattin: Go ahead. John Gottman: It's kind of a mindset. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Julie Gottman: There are two things that need to be changed with a couple where that's going on. One is that the individual who's making the negative comps needs to be thinking about what do they need that is not being met in the relationship, and bring that up with their partner, not talk to somebody else, as John mentioned, but to bring it up with their partner. To really think about, "Okay, what's missing for me, what is it that I'm feeling? Am I feeling lonely? Am I feeling starved for affection? Am I feeling criticized, or put down all the time?" What is it that they need? And taking their need, and expressing it in a positive way. We call this "Expressing a positive need." Which means if something feels bad, flip it on its head, to think, "Okay, what do I want in place of that negative thing?" For example, if you feel criticized all the time, "I would love to hear appreciations from you. I would love to hear some compliments from you about how funny I am, or how I look, or what a great human being I am," in general of course. So, flipping that need on its head and giving a positive need to it. What is it you do need, rather than don't want or need? That's one thing. Julie Gottman: The other thing is looking at your partner with different eyes. And this, again, takes a whole mental shift. What is my partner doing right? Not, what are they always doing wrong, but what are they doing right? For example, John and I have been together for 32 years, and every single morning he makes me coffee. Anybody who makes me coffee is my hero. [laughter] Julie Gottman: for life upon life. And so, John has been doing that every single morning, and he makes the best coffee in the world. And so, I always thank him every morning for making coffee, seeing the good. I could take it for granted and say nothing, but that's not helpful in a relationship. And I do appreciate it. John Gottman: Hey, you do. Julie Gottman: Right. John Gottman: Well, you can think about the fundamental problem in relationships is that we are actually attracted to people who are very different from us. And that's why the dating websites are really... Have a broken system of match-making. Because they're matching people and saying, "If you date somebody who is just like you, you're going to really like each other." But it really doesn't work. Okay, Cupid, for example, will pair 50,000 people, and 200 marriages result from that pairing. So, they're 96% ineffective for people to meet who like each other. So, it turns out, we really like people who are not like us. We don't want our clone. And then, when we're attracted to this person, we have this asymmetry. But that we have to act as a couple, we have to create symmetry. And the worst way to do that is to try to get your partner to be like you, to try to criticize your partner for not being like you. And that's the fundamental problem in relationships, that's not the way to do it. Really, you have to accept your partner for who they are. And they are different and cherish those differences. Julie, for example, is very different from me. She was a downhill skiing racer in college, she went downhill 50 miles an hour. Her idea, her dream was to go to Mt. Everest base camp, number two with 10 other women. And I'm very different, my dream was to study differential equations. [laughter] John Gottman: I sit in my chair to do that. And so, she's an athlete and an explorer, and I'm just the opposite. I call myself an indoors man. [laughter] John Gottman: So, we have these really big differences. But the ways in which she's different from me, really are quite wonderful, and I love them and cherish them. And if she, on the other hand, said, "What's wrong with you, why can't you have more of a sense of adventure like me?", then she'd be trying to turn me into her, which really doesn't work. And if she was successful in turning me into her, she wouldn't be attracted to me. Julie Gottman: And the other side of that is that John has failed miserably in trying to make me either a mathematician or a physicist. [chuckle] Julie Gottman: We accept each other's differences. I do listen to John when he describes some latest discovery in physics and math. I try desperately to understand. I don't, but I nod my head. And so... [chuckle] John Gottman: But you actually do understand a lot. Julie Gottman: Okay. So we make it work. We make it work. Neil Sattin: I want to point out that at the back of your book, you have lots of great suggestions for people to help them identify ways they actually do cherish their partner. So, if you're listening and thinking, "Well, I've kinda lost touch with that." Or, "It's just like I can appreciate them for the same old thing. I've been appreciating their coffee making for 32 years, but I'm not sure what else to appreciate." Then, it can be helpful to have some prompts in that regard, to help you reflect upon all the different ways that your partner shows up for you. I'm wondering if you could talk a little bit about... Because this is another, in a way, a pre-requisite for the book, although I have a feeling that as you go through each of the dates, you will cultivate this as well. And the question is making the mental shift around developing understanding, and embracing your differences, the way you were just talking about, versus that sense of judging your partner's differences. It's one thing to say, "Listen to your partner without judging them," and then it can be a totally different thing to actually put that into practice. Julie Gottman: Right. So, you're asking how do you work on accepting your partner's differences, yeah? Neil Sattin: Yeah, what is that... Well, I think I'm just highlighting it for one thing, because it's so key to how to have these conversations, I think, is just to realize like, "I'm just trying to understand this person who's sitting across from me, or next to me." Julie Gottman: That's really a wonderful question. We have a particular way of people doing that, which is, first of all, asking each other things like, "What's the history in your family about that particular characteristic or value that you have. Where does that come from for you? What's the background to that that led you to either value this particular way of being, or has led you to love this particular dream?" So, asking about background is important. Also, asking things like, "Well, what does it mean to you to have this particular passion, or this particular love, or this particular characteristic? Is there some underlying purpose to living by this value? What does it mean to you?" So, you're carving out kind of a subterranean region, where you're discussing both more personal history, that may be good, maybe not so good, as well as the more existential piece of who you are, how you've arrived at some particular set of values or characteristics that have meaning and purpose for you. Julie Gottman: Now, the other thing though, is that there's always going to be either lifestyle preferences, or just personality characteristics that you don't know where they come from, they don't have particular meaning. But they are who your partner is. And so it's not necessarily that you're going to absolutely love and cherish those differences, they might drive you crazy. John and I have characteristics like that. He calls himself "Charmingly sloppy," and I'm obsessively neat, a little OCD. [laughter] Julie Gottman: Okay, so that's a big difference, right? So I'm not going to adore the fact that there might be piles of books everywhere. However, however, you create almost ways of coping with those differences that are not necessarily conflict, they're simply, "Okay John, it's been four weeks. I'm now at risk of my life when I make the bed because the pile books next to the bed is so high that I may trip over them and be buried in an avalanche. So, can you please move the books?" It kinda looks like that. So you accept those differences in each other and cherish the ones that really have some purpose and meaning to them. Neil Sattin: Yes, in the very second date night that you talk about is how you work with conflict. John Gottman: Exactly. Neil Sattin: And probably no chance, it's not just a total happenstance that that comes second after trust and commitment. Julie Gottman: [chuckle] Yes, indeed. Because that is what most couples struggled with. We are a culture that has a lot of trouble expressing emotion. We've all been taught that, for example, it's not okay for men to express fear, sorrow, vulnerability, anxiety, fine for them to express anger, but the more vulnerable emotions, not so much. And women are taught that they're horrible human beings, with the B word, if they express anger. So, how then do you have conflicts where there are these constraints and fences around what you express or don't express? So, what we believe is that it's incredibly important for people to express all of their emotions, whether it's anger, or sorrow, or frustration. But that chapter, in particular, really focuses on how do you express those emotions, especially if they're negative ones, and how do you respond to them with empathy when you hear them, rather than just defensiveness, which takes you down the wrong path. That's that chapter. John Gottman: Yeah. We learned that behind every one of these negative emotions, there is a longing, and in that longing, there is a need and a recipe for solving the conflict. So, we have blueprints that we can offer that make conflict really constructive, so it doesn't alienate people, it actually brings them closer together, and creates that understanding that you mentioned earlier. Neil Sattin: Yeah. That reminds me of, I think, it's the 'Dreams within Conflict' exercise that we've mentioned here on the show before, and I think, if it's okay with the two of you, I'll offer it here as well, that if you download the transcript for this episode, we can also include that 'Dreams within Conflict' exercise, which touches, maybe not ironically, two of the dates. It touches that conflict piece, but also the very last date is all focused on your dreams, and what you aspire to as individuals. And it just feels like such a powerful addition, because I want everyone to know who's listening, it's not all trust and commitment, and addressing conflict. You get those out of the way, the very next one is being able to talk about sex and intimacy. And in there is play, and fun, and how you foster that in your relationship, too. So yeah, go ahead. Julie Gottman: Right. So, a lot of people think that "Well, if you solve all of your conflicts, your relationship is going to be just dandy." But we found in our research that that really wasn't true, that you do have to focus on how do you create a more positive experience in the relationship. We all work so darn hard that we forget how important fun is, how important play is, how important a sensitive venture is. And the fact that we can share those with each other is part of the wonder, the beauty, of having a terrific committed relationship. You've got a playmate, you've got somebody you can do all of that with. You can have wonderful sex, you can have intimacy, but you have to be able to talk about what it is that you love, what brings a sense of adventure and fun to you, ways that you would prefer to have an intimate connection. How do you want to do that? What's going to feel great for you? So, it's very important to be talking about all of that as well. That's part of this book. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And I love, too, how because the focus is on developing that shared understanding with that, as opposed to trying to make your partner like you or trying to just figure them out so you can get past all your conflicts somehow, I think what it actually does is it opens up this huge resource for you, of energy, and ways that you can bring more variety and connection into your life. Like each of these dates strikes me as a seed for so many different other experiences that could come from that understanding that you're building with your partner. Julie Gottman: Exactly. That's a lovely way to say it. Neil Sattin: I'm wondering if, and you can say no, you can pass on this question if you like, but I'm wondering if you'd each be willing to share what you think the most valuable skill for you has been in your relationship. What is the thing that... And I'm sure there's more than one thing, but when you think about what being together for 32 years has been like, what has been something that you fall back on, something that not only is reliable for you in terms of helping you in your connection, but also you've had to maybe revisit it again and again, as like being reminded like, "Oh yeah, this is something I'm working on, and I have to bring that attention to my own work and growth in order to make this connection work."? Julie Gottman: I love that question. I'll start, yeah? [chuckle] John Gottman: Yeah, go ahead. Julie Gottman: Okay. So, I think what I've had to work on the most is kindness, without question. Kindness, and keeping in my mind a fixed picture of who my husband is. So, I'm a person who really reacts quickly to things, impulsively to things, I would have been a great emergency doc. [laughter] Julie Gottman: You have a response to stuff, and can respond well, or perhaps not so well. And so, I've really had to work on my tone of voice, what words I use, patience, and remembering that... I've had this vision... I'm going to embarrass John now, Neil. Neil Sattin: Uh oh. Julie Gottman: But, yeah. But I really see John as a genius. You can't say anything. And when you are living with somebody with the kind of mind that he has, then there's going to be unbelievable gifts that you get to share as that person shares their ideas, shares their creativity. And all of those gifts I have been privileged to experience with John. And so, when he's not perfect, when he doesn't clean the counter the way I want him to, see, there's the OCD, the books pile up or whatever, it's like, "Okay, he's writing a grant," or, "Okay, he's working on a book, and he's completely immersed in that." "Okay, he gets up at 3 O'clock in the morning because he's just had an idea come to him, and he's gotta go write it down, and he's going to wake me up with a flashlight in my face." [laughter] Julie Gottman: That's the way it is. And again, the privilege and the honor of living with somebody with whom I will never, ever be bored, ever, is such a gift, that add the little stuff as trivial. And so, I keep that impression and image of who John is in my mind as a fixed picture, and remember the gifts of that, and try like crazy to be kind and to be patient. And believe me, I do not succeed a lot of the time, but... And thank God he's patient with me. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Thank you for your honesty about that, Julie. Julie Gottman: [chuckle] Right. You're welcome. John Gottman: Well, my big problem is defensiveness. And I have to learn over and over again that when Julie is feeling something very strongly, it's time for the world to stop, and me to listen without being defensive, even if she's disappointed in me, or angry with me, or I've done something to upset her. And I do a lot of things that are thoughtless, and often I ignore her because I'm so involved in a paper I'm writing or something like that. And when I concentrate, a lot of times I don't hear her calling my name even, because I really literally don't hear it. So I do things that really hurt her, and I need to listen. And for me, that's very hard, because the first thing I'm thinking is, "Why is she so negative? Just appreciate everything I do, and just come to me when she's really happy." So I had to learn when she's upset about something, the world needs to stop, and I need to listen without being defensive, and try to understand what she's feeling. And usually, when I can do that, it rapidly diffuses the situation. She feels listened to and understood. Even if I'd hurt her, we can repair the relationship and figure out what to do. So that's my constant struggle, I think. Neil Sattin: And do you have a particular way that you remind yourself of that when you feel the defensiveness coming on? John Gottman: I carry a notebook in my back pocket, and I take it out and I take out my pen, and I tell her, "Okay, I'm listening. Slow down, let me write down everything you're saying." And as I'm writing, I get less defensive. I'm thinking, "Boy, why does she have to go into that? What's wrong with this woman?" And then, as I'm writing, I go, "Well, that's a good point." [chuckle] John Gottman: "Yeah, she's right there." And pretty soon I'm really paying attention and listening. So, for me, having that notebook and writing down what she says, and slowing her down, really helps me to be less defensive. Neil Sattin: I love that. And that really reminds me too of your dates together and the notebook that comes along on the dates. So I could see it kind of being a little reminder of like, "Right, we have a connection that transcends this whatever-it-is that's causing conflict right now." John Gottman: Yeah. I probably have about 400 notebooks that I've filled in the 32 years we've been together. [laughter] And they're all piled on my bureau. Julie Gottman: And I'm going to burn them. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Won't that be a lovely ritual for the two of you. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Well, John and Julie, it's been such a treat to have you here with us today on 'Relationship Alive'. Your new book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, is so rich, and I think obviously has a lot to offer couples, no matter where they're at in a relationship. And I think, even if you're single, going through the prep work questions would be really helpful as a way of just understanding who you are and how you operate in a relationship. If you want to get more information about the book, there's a website that is devoted to the "Eight Dates" book, which is eight, the number eight, datesbook.com. You can also visit gottman.com to find out more about Julie and John's work, the work they're doing through the Gottman Institute. And they're going to be on a book tour to support the "Eight Dates" book, traveling all over the country, so you may be able to catch them in your community. And I definitely encourage you, if they're anywhere nearby, go check them out. You'll have a chance to ask questions, I'm sure. And as you can tell, they're delightful people. So I encourage you to go and find them when they're in your neck of the woods. Neil Sattin: Other than that, if you want the transcript to today's episode, neilsattin.com/gottman4. And as you might get, that's because we've had John on a few times before, so you can go to Gottman, Gottman2, Gottman3, and you can get your dose of Gottman, and it's so sweet, Julie, to have you here with us as well. I've loved your contribution today in this conversation. Thank you so much both for joining us, and I look forward to having you here again on 'Relationship Alive'. Julie Gottman: Thank you so much, Neil. It was really fun. Thank you. John Gottman: Yeah. Neil Sattin: Great. Julie Gottman: Okay.  

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