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ExplicitNovels
Cáel Defeats The Illuminati: Part 15

ExplicitNovels

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2025


A Butterfly wants to kill the World?Book 3 in 18 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the ► Podcast at Explicit Novels.Although Love is both fire and shadow, we often forget to take comfort from the coolness of the memories when the burning flames are absentThere were precisely two things, okay, four things, keeping me alive. The fourth thing would come to her later when her 'furious was replaced by her 'curious' ~ as in how I knew her inhuman lingo ~ which would lead to my legacy with Grandpa.The top three reasons -She had poked my chest. It was a challenge, calling for one of my guardians to come out and play. The avatar knew I was the chosen heir of the Goddess Ishara and my goddess had devoted a good deal of time and effort to my survival and continued service in her cause. If Ishara made an 'appearance', it would be enough reason to not eviscerate me for my foul treatment of her august personage.Nope. It seemed Ishara was busy at the moment.Still, she most likely knew SzelAnya had shown a keen interest in me in Romania, though I'd never told Selena, or any other member of the 9 Clans, the Dragon's Daughter had killed Ajax for me. Figuring out SzelAnya, a storm deity, had helped me and Aya escape from our kidnapping in the midst of a cyclone in the Pacific Ocean wasn't much of a reach.But no bolt of lightning coalesced from my chest to singe her finger. No clap of thunder. Not even a cloud with a hint of disfavor appeared above us.Her obsidian fingernail began penetrating my shirt, touched my skin, then drew my blood, and something 'twitched'.That would be Contestant Goddess #3. She wasn't actually hanging around me. She didn't have to. She'd left me a memento of our last shindig before we parted ways. That was the nightmare-inducing episode where she, the chthonic goddess Sarrat Irkalli, had compressed one man's body into a dagger and then proceeded to suck another's soul into it to use as a power source for an Airbus 350 (a commercial airliner, if you didn't know).I still had that snaggletooth-looking thing at my back. Well who the Hell was I going to leave it with? Honestly, the only people I felt could keep it safe I loved too much to curse with it. Anyway, the second her divine claw touched my blood, the long dormant weapon whispered to me in a somewhat bored, lofty feminine voice from beyond the grave,Do you want me to discorporate this pathetic has-been for you?Quick check. Only the avatar and I, and her priestess-savant heard that. Of course, in downtown, New York City, noon Sunday, how weird would such a declaration be? The avatar's eyebrow arched. Her big bat-ears (still looking human to the normal viewing public) flicked this way and that, figuring out precisely where the threat originated from. Slowly, her once poking hand began to slide across my chest, along my ribs and around my back.She touched the dagger. Nothing.Gingerly, she drew it forth. I'd had a makeshift sheath made. As the blade made its journey around me, she took a half-step back to better observe it."Please don't kill him!" Theddy squealed. "We haven't had sex yet!"Being 'who' and 'what' she was, the avatar did what came natural. Fortunately for Theddy, I'd become accustomed to working with psychopaths.She stabbed the dagger at Theddy. I clamped my hand down on her wrist. The claws of her left hand came down on my constraining wrist. My free hand came down on that hand, trying to pry it free. It was a hopeless struggle, except.Yes, my old friend 'except'. Except the avatar was holding the dagger. As powerful as Ītzpāpālōtl was, she wasn't pushing against me. She was pushing against Sarrat Irkalli.Ītzpāpālōtl was a living, breathing terror machine who killed and received sacrifices on a regular basis.Sarrat Irkalli hadn't been actively worshipped in 3,000 years.Uneven contest? Oh yeah.See, Ītzpāpālōtl had spent the past 500 years continuously fighting against the Weave to keep her fingers on this side of reality.Meanwhile, for the most part, Sarrat Irkalli had sat upon her throne in the Sumerian Underworld with hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of souls toiling under her watchful gaze for eternity. Sure, her version of Hell wasn't getting any fresh deposits, but she knew how to milk the system well.Even the bad karma for the dagger's creation wasn't hers. She'd stolen it from the foolish Gong Tau sorcerers who had meant to enslave my soul, aka one-third of the Baraqu-Alal-Cáel deal she'd worked out millennia ago. It was the Weave giving her a 'freebie' for playing by the rules, if you considered the Weave sentient.And now Ītzpāpālōtl was touching it. Whoops. It wasn't as if Ītzpāpālōtl was stupid. It isn't like there are tons of magic weapons running around, much less soul-munchers like the one I had. Rationally, who would give a novice like me, a weapon like this? I say again, 'whoops'.Once I'd figured this out, I couldn't stop being me."Theddy, do you like girls?""What?" she squeaked. Here was this psycho trying to drive a Smilodon incisor into her bosom and I was giving her a sex quiz.Ītzpāpālōtl was really starting to struggle now."I, ah, are you okay?" she continued."Oh, I'm dandy. I'm serious. You think this chick is hot? I mean, would you do her in a three-way?" I proposed casually."Timothy?" Sovann."Bro?" Timothy to me."It's all good. Sovann, you want to know what my life is like? This lady who came to discuss business with me today is an immortal mass murderer. You give the word, I'll let go and this knife is going to cut her up like a Ginsu blade on market day because just cutting her heart out isn't going to be enough. Worse. Eventually she'll get back up.""Timothy?" Sovann repeated, this time with more concern. He thought I was nuts. I released my left hand. The blade flipped up, twisting in the avatar's grasp. That was the point her minions figured out something was wrong."El Amado?" the priestess-savant called out softly. The three goons began reaching for 'things'."Call them off, or I open my other hand," I cautioned the avatar. She spared me a swift, hostile look. My fingers tingled."Esten quietos!" she snapped. They stopped."Cáel, bad day, or not. This isn't you. Stop it. The girl's in danger," Timothy spoke up. He didn't mean Theddy. He meant the avatar."I'm being a real asshole, aren't I?" I sighed."Pretty much. You never let the bitches get to you before. Girl pops an attitude, you smile and move on. Life is too short," he reminded me. Too true."I'm going to put my hand over the blade," I told Ītzpāpālōtl. "When I do, you can let go."She didn't say anything for several seconds, even after my left hand covered the semi-serrated edge."Why should I trust you?" she sizzled."Because 'me' letting anything bad happen to you would make me a total, judgmental jerk. I don't know you. Whatever you did before you showed up today shouldn't matter to me. I acted stupidly. I should have stopped you. I didn't. I didn't even warn you and I could have. I was angry, and not even at you. Just angry and I apologize. Now, let go.""Why?""Hi. I'm Cáel Nyilas. Can I have my knife back? Please?"Blink. She released it. For a millisecond, it wanted to do something else because bitches are bitches. It didn't, so my palm wasn't sliced open. My right hand took the hilt. I carefully put the blade away."Yes," Theddy gulped."Huh?" Sovann shook his head at the sudden evaporation of the life and death tension. Welcome to my life. Theddy meant 'yes' to the 'girl-girl-guy' thing I had proposed earlier. It pays to keep things prioritized."What is this movie you were talking about?" Ītzpāpālōtl asked. Had she forgiven me for anything which had transpired? Bwahahaha, no way. She was taking the initiative and going with Option 1 from my earlier insane diatribe."Wait!" Sovann nearly shouted. "You nearly, I don't know, threatened Cáel's life and tried to stab Theddy and now you think you can go with us to a movie?""I told you," Timothy put an arm around his shoulder, "life with Cáel is rarely dull.""I thought you meant he was fun to party with, or something like that," Sovann looked up at his lover. "I thought his uncle showing up, and trying to kill him and then being blown the fuck away by those women and federal agents, and that other girl who pointed a gun at us, is this the new normal?""I love you, Sovann," Timothy grew compassionate. "Cáel is my best friend. He'd never deliberately hurt either of us and normal friends are something he has in short supply. Today being a great case in point."Ten seconds passed."The title is 'As Above, So Below'," Sovann addressed the avatar, "and what do we call you?"Since 'if you are not a worshiper and addressing me, I normally am about to kill you' would sound really cool in Olmec-ic, but I might be asked to translate,"How about we go with 'Obsidian', please?" I pleaded with her.She knew I was currying favor now ~ and behaving like a weather vane caught in the wall of a tornado ~ she gave a gracious bow of her head."Obsidian will do for now. Is the Legend of the dagger 'business'?" Translation: it had better not be."No," I smiled. "It's pillow talk." Rancor, 'how presumptuous', followed by 'but that dagger ups the count to three Goddess interested in him', and next to recalling all the trivial babble about me being a sexual dynamo (I prayed my PR was that good) having some relevance. Her chimera emotions allowed me to get a few more crucial words out, because even women who aren't sleeping with me are jealous."Esta mujer fue la primera en ofrecer bienes funerarios tras la muerte dee mi padre," I reinserted Theddy back into my close company. For some reason, Obsidian considered me unreliable thus had to verify what I'd just said."Did you make funerary offering upon his father's passing?" she asked Theddy. Let's think about this. The wacko chick questioning Theddy had tried to stab a huge freaking blade into her not a minute ago. Fleeing in terror while screaming for the cops? Nope."Yes. I baked him some walnut and caramel chip cookies," she nodded. "It is a family recipe." Sovann looked over the three of us, then back to Timothy."I told you 'that's impressive cocking like I've never seen before'," he explained."She may remain," Obsidian 'permitted'. Theddy wrapped up my right arm with her left and gave it a squeeze. She wanted attention/explanation."Obsidian is a Master Vampire, Theddy," I leaned in and whispered. "Before she was turned, she was captured in a raid by the fey, mentally, spiritually and physically raped and made into their sex-slave. Part of her spirit never healed properly. While this imperfection allows her to walk around in daylight, her heart can never hold on to any emotion for long, so she is forced to forever seek passion, no matter how dangerous, from the world around her."Revealing secrets? Ha. I had noticed Theddy had every work done by Laurel K. Hamilton in her place, including the comic book series."You are not supposed to know, so act like I didn't tell you anything, okay?"'Okay,' she mouthed back at me. I could see it in her eyes. My chaotic life suddenly 'made sense' to her because a best-selling fiction author said so.Obsidian thought the movie was; hilarious. She couldn't stop snickering, giggling and poking at me as horrible shit happened to the various actors. She thought the plot was 'insightful' and wouldn't stop whispering to me throughout the entire thing. During the closing credits, I told her I'd get her the DVD for Christmas ~ she knew the concept behind digital technology, but didn't own any ~ she kissed me.The first kiss was fierce and joyous with the added benefit of her tongue doing things no normal tongue could do, it stretched. Not sure how I felt about that. The second kiss was more sultry, longer and came with some accompanying body action which, I'm no virgin. Not even close. She was on my left side, so when she twisted in her seat, her left leg insinuated itself between mine. Her left hand cupped my jaw and held my head in place as her lips played along mine.A dance of the scorpion perhaps? Tender at first, then suddenly stabbing, dominant and brutal. My lips and tongue battled back, using my superior Kiss-fu to nullify her natural strength and agility. She liked it. By her moaning, she liked it a lot. As the kiss progressed, more and more of her flowed from her seat into my seat, body facing me. Her body rose over mine, forcing my neck back to maintain contact."So, Dot Ishara is hovering around somewhere close, isn't she?" I murmured as our lips separated barely a centimeter apart. One chick kissing you to make another one jealous. It's happened to me plenty of times. Obsidian didn't give a damn about Theddy, or any other mortal woman in close proximity so,"Yes," she purred. "Do you mate with her?""A man does not brag of such things, but no, unless heavy petting counts?""What will she do to you when I steal your seed?"'When'? Why was I not surprised? Why was I not surprised another concussion was in my immediate future either? Was it possible I was, learning?"Chastise me for not fighting harder," I breathed across her lips, "and, in case you forgot, I'm on a date with the girl beside me.""Who I care nothing for," she sent a cruelly playful look Theddy's way. Wisely, the girl shivered."Who I am indebted to and how I honor my debts might matter to you," I hazarded. My words hurt Theddy's feelings. That was on purpose. Obsidian took pleasure in me hurting Theddy because she was basically a vicious monster."Yes?" I pressed her gently."Yes," Obsidian allowed, easing up slightly both romantically and physically."And Theddy, if you believe I'm with you solely because of some sense of obligation, you clearly haven't been listening to your recordings," I shot the human girl a wink."Oh.""Am I, or am I not, a sex-obsessed little monkey?" I teased her. Theddy giggled. I paid for my diversion with four obsidian claws to my ribs outside of Theddy's view. After all, it wasn't like Theddy could possibly compete with her for my attention. Considering Obsidian's legendary ability to rip open her opponent's ribcages and feast upon their hearts, I slipped my left hand, the one next to her between her legs and stroked her cotton-slacks covered cunt.Theddy hugged my right arm and put her head against my shoulder. Not to be outdone," Qu  un centenar dee hombres se quemaron vivos como el sonido?" Obsidian inquired with sexually sadistic hunger. Ah, memories of burning 7P Commandos.Whoops. Theddy knew Spanish."No lo s . Ten an respiradores en," I replied casually. "Si lo desea, puedo describir lo que se siente al tirar de una flecha de guerra lanzar mi propio muslo.""Eep," slipped out of Theddy's lips."Why did you do that?" Obsidian looked over us both."Well, I was showing a little girl I believed in her,""And she shot you?" Theddy gulped."No. She hit the target I was standing next to. A co-worker mistook me for a cardboard cutout of a Jehovah's Witness and let fly. Seems she had issues with organized religion as well as a reaction to the oscillation effect of florescent lighting and ceiling fans.""But why did you pull the arrow out?" Theddy asked. "Couldn't you wait until you got to the hospital?""Mosquito," Obsidian menaced, insinuating Theddy was a pest."I wasn't thinking rationally at the moment, I work in an asylum, I had a hot date in a few hours, any of those three will do," I smiled at Theddy."Copil such as Cáel don't bother with petty human conventions," Obsidian turned my gaze back her way with her hand on my jaw. 'Copil's were 'god-touched' in her lingo."More than one girl?" Theddy mused."Four.""Okay," she sighed happily."Theddy, three under-age girls and the police office he was dating acting as their chaperone," Timothy intervened. "He hurried home so he could keep a promise to the children, not for sex." Bastard. He really was my best friend. He didn't mention my post-injury, pre-festivity sex with Odette giving me a few extra, urgently needed Brownie Points to suggest I might be a decent human being."You are a wonderful guy," Theddy ran a fingernail over my free hand. Clearly I was 'wonderful' enough to risk Obsidian's anger over. The screen went blank as the last credits scrolled away and the room was plunged into darkness. Five seconds later, the lights snapped on.Pain!"Fuck," I hissed. It wasn't any extra physical trauma causing me discomfort. No, a metaphysical dam had burst within and my stream of conscious thought had been turned into a white-water rapids. The competing cyclones of thoughts in my mind had stopped cooperating and my hypothalamus was letting me know I was in danger."Cáel", "Cáel", "Bro", and "Ishara" all came in rapid succession. I needed some space both tangible and social."I need to step outside," I eased Obsidian off me and stood up. My sense of my personal danger was ratcheting up. While I had been studying Obsidian, so I could screw her, I had discovered more and more Alal-badness.The light display had ignited a series of pressing implanted memories which had been clamoring for my attention. Things like not all 'divinities' were stewards of the Weave. Some even wanted its destruction, preferring risking all on a chaotic restructuring of reality over what existed now ~ things like Obsidian. They weren't attempting to do so because they thought they had no chance.But there was. A real serious chance to unravel reality existed; and it was staring her in the face. It wasn't 'me' as in 'I was the Anti-Christ'. But with the torrent of memories pouring forth, I knew where the peril lay and I was completely responsible for it. Hell, I was a prime ally of Armageddon and hadn't even known it.'Holy Shit!'I blinked. Timothy was shaking me. We were out in the lobby."Oh my God, Timothy," I nearly wept. "What am I going to do?""I have no idea what you are talking about. Is there someone you can talk to about this?" he suggested. Normal folks were around us. Obsidian was at my side. Sovann was behind Timothy with an arm around Theddy's shoulder."Theddy," I looked at her. "Can I catch up with you later? I just realized I've screwed up something fierce." I put my best 'really don't want to go but I gotta' face on. Her worried look brightened, she slipped around Timothy and gave me a tingling French kiss."I'll hold you to that, Cáel," she murmured when we parted."Timothy, go home, I got shit to deal with," I hoped my grin didn't become as feeble as I felt it to be."I," he started to say something. "Time not to ask questions?""Yeah.""Okay.""Wait." I pulled us to the side and went on to my toes, leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Tell Pamela 'he' sent Ajax to kill the Professor, his family and the sisters. They were the targets all along. It wasn't me, or the other women. Just in case,""Okay," Timothy patted my arm. It was cryptic. It was the best I could do. See, I wanted to cry so badly.{2:09 pm Sunday, September 7th ~ Last day}Where to begin:Every mythology across the globe has some creature, or creatures, which threatens Existence. Usually a God, or a Hero-God, slays the creature and everything is right with the world, except such a being, being older than Existence itself, can't really die, so they are carved up, buried ~ what have you.Illuyankamunus was one such manifestation of this underlying cancerous desire to destroy reality. He'd had a far more real child, SzelAnya, and she's never quite given up on her dad. Of far greater critical importance, she was 'part' of Illuyankamunus, somewhat in the way I was part of Alal and Baraqu. And yes, that meant all the offspring of Bolu, the guy I'd praised a few hours earlier, held the seeds of that malignant deity as well.And Alal knew it. He hadn't been killing off the descendants. He'd left that task up to a group far more capable of the task, the Egyptian Rite, who knew a fucking threat to existence when they saw it. Lest I forget, No secret society are the 'good guys'. Also lest I forget, I alone decided to go after the Arinniti sons to fulfill Vranus' quest. I had no divine mandate I was aware of nor any real world orders.Inadvertently, I had rounded up the last five mortal remains of Illuyankamunus in one place for convenient disposal in a remote Transylvanian town. The only problem was: if someone didn't get to them quickly, I was also about to whisk them into the loving (and heavy-armed) protective embrace of the Amazon Host, where the completion of centuries of culling would have suddenly become a cast-iron bitch instead of a simple disposal.Enter Ajax. Yeah, I bet the Egyptians were trying to figure out how I stopped him as well as Alal. I thought I was being clever by not telling most of the world. In fact, they most likely suspected; and the reality of SzelAnya watching over me was much more terrifying. Ishara had put a serious curse on the Amazons, yet her curse only affected her followers, the Amazons, who were fair game.SzelAnya had killed someone for me, and I hadn't been one of her followers. Thus I had committed a blasphemous act only a magician of some significant ability could have managed. I wasn't a sorcerer, but I had a cornucopia of mystic knowledge rolling around in my noggin. Trying to figure all this out was one of my major headaches.The others?I even suspected I knew who betrayed me ~ kinda. They didn't do it on purpose. At least I hope they didn't, because my odds-on favorite was my Mother by way of Captain Delilah Faircloth. Realistically, there was only one secret society who might help her against Grandpa and that was the Egyptian Rite, and they did send three people to Dad's funeral including two 'somebodies'. I'm an idiot.I'd chatted away in fluent New Kingdom Egyptian and it never occurred to me how odd it was for two of them to also be so fluent in it. Know it, sure, but as fluent as Kimberly had taught me to be? That should have been a Red Flag.The Earth & Sky had sent Iskender, who should have been the benchmark I judged the other delegations by, damn it.Three Condos? They'd killed my Dad and their guys had been flunkies.The 7 Pillars had been nobodies, which they'd proven by their inaction.Now I had to question why I had 3 actual  9-Clans  assassins at my dad's funeral too. Holy Ishara, I wasn't nearly paranoid enough.Anyway, why would the Amazons be aiding and abetting the End of All Life on Earth? Normally, they wouldn't be, but 3000 years ago, the majority of Human life did a colossal dump on the Amazons. And when they needed help, they got it in the form of SzelAnya and her dual-sex followers. I seriously doubt they told the Amazons their purpose was to resurrect SzelAnya's daddy. I imagine the Amazons didn't pry too much either.It turned out almost to be okay. During the 2nd Betrayal, the Amazons betrayed SzelAnya and almost short-circuited her plans by exterminating her lineage.Except for the Arinniti elders and Bolu. Good old 'except'.I can imagine when the Egyptians heard about the 2nd Betrayal, they figured they were 'okay'. Those wacky Amazons had inadvertently done the world a favor. Except an act of maternal love kept a slender hope of Illuyankamunus' return alive. By the time the Egyptians realized they'd been prematurely hopeful, Bolu's descendants were all over the Balkans and hunting them down had proven difficult.But, it gets worse. Much worse.When those Gods shattered Illuyankamunus, they scattered him in the relative certainty no one would ever gather the parts back together.His flesh was scattered across the land, modern day Turkey, but encompassing everything from Pakistan to Italy and Egypt to Poland. The flesh became soil, then plants, the things that eat plants, then food for humans. Get the picture.Whoops. SzelAnya had been doing just that for centuries upon centuries every time she mated with a mortal of Illuyankamunus' line and had offspring, they accumulated his energy, which made hunting down the few remaining ones easier to find, since they were 'beacons of badness', except...There were two key pieces missing which SzelAnya could never get. After all, you would think burying them on the far side of the world would matter, right?The 'breath of Illuyankamunus' ~ his cosmic fire ~ they buried in a volcano in a distant land far across the Great Sea. His spirit 'body' they imprisoned in a great river, again, across the Great Sea.But wait, it gets worse.The being standing next to me knew precisely where the 'breath of Illuyankamunus' was. Seems Mesoamerica is laced with volcanos. They'd discovered 'the breath' long ago and used it as a weapon called Xiuhcoatl. Better yet, Alal suspected she and her buddies were more than happy to reunite it with the rest if they thought the Weave itself wouldn't annihilate them for daring to do so.In their current, weakened state they were vulnerable to such a karmic backlash. In theory, a reborn Illuyankamunus would have access to power beyond the bounds of the Weave, older and more terrifying. Still, without the mortal remains to anchor the energy, giving it to the spirit would be pointless.Alal knew where the spirit body was (in general), but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was where it was,Of all the places the Arinniti sons could have fled to, they had to choose Brazil, the burial place of the restive spirit body of Illuyankamunus. Mother-fucker.And Ildiko 'Alkonyka' aka Dusk Lovasz had sworn she'd travel to Brazil to fulfill Bolu's side of the quest in the same way I was holding up Vranus' end. If I tried to stop her, SzelAnya would know something was up. Fuck.I was processing all of this when Obsidian violently yanked me out of the way. A cabby had swerved to avoid a flurry of trash and nearly run over us. It was the third near-concussive experience in the past five minutes she'd help me avoid while she had walked by my side. I'd been mumbling like a madman."That would be my Goddess wanting to talk with me," I looked her way."I know," she gave me a clever smile."She's really not going to like that," I shook my head."I know that too," she kept smiling. "Where is your mind?""Five lives away from making the world a safer place," I sighed."Safer for who?" she purred. Where were all the bimbos? Not only was it an insightful question, it cut straight to the heart of my dilemma.What decision could I make? If I elected to help my fellow Amazons, I risked screwing with the world. In truth, I was risking everything even if I did nothing. Well Dad was always clear that things didn't change by themselves. You needed to do something that would have an effect. So, 'What are you going to do?'More to the point, I wasn't Grandad. Killing the last five of the line of Illuyankamunus wasn't 'me', so it wasn't going to be something I'd worry about.SzelAnya wanted to bring back her Dad, I could understand that. I'd have to figure out a way for her to believe this world sticking around was more important. How? Well, I had a goddess-like creature right in front of me to probe for ideas."You are an immortal," Obsidian commented. She'd been weighing her opinion for some time. I could tell by the wonderment with which she gifted each word."What? No. I can die.""No. I don't think so. Your wounds. Normally the wounds I inflict flow freely for some time. Yours have already scabbed over," her eyes flickered to the various minor scars she'd imparted to me in the few hours we'd been together.Of course, her idea was insane, Oh God No! I was in Grandad's body. Well Duh! His body was supposed to be immortal."Are you sure?" I looked deep into her eyes."You are a young immortal, the youngest I've ever met, but you are an immortal," she seemed to be convincing herself as much as me.Stupid Assumption (on my part)! I wasn't in Alal's body. I was in Cáel's. Because the Cáel soul shard was young, Alal hadn't been able to find it because it had moved through Time, to me, sonofabitch! 'I' hadn't been around for him to find. No! I was making yet another damn assumption.What did I know? When Pamela found Baraqu, it had been in an object, not a person, though she had been short on details. When the Alal-shard went to the Land of the Endless Black Sands to bring Saku back, the Cáel-shard had been in reality, so it had been allowed to create a body, 'me'. Still, the curse Sarrat Irkalli placed on Baraqu was on Alal and myself as well, which meant I might just be immortal.My Alal-mind agreed with Obsidian's assessment. In his first years, his healing had been slow, still taking days for what took mortal people weeks. I'd stupidly attributed my swift recovery to Amazon medicines, ugh. Because I got wounded more than most Security Detail trainees while concurrently entertaining two and three sex partners."Can you talk with Dot Ishara?" I asked her."Yes, but why would I?""Sex?""We are going to have sex anyway," she smiled. I'd tricked her. Set her up with the right so I could now drop her with the left."I can bring the mbo  tat  back to life," I pledged. That was not what she was expecting at all. "If you bring the Xiuhcoatl, I can bring the flesh and we can unite the three." Mbo  tat  was the Tupi name for the legendary 'fiery serpent' of the Amazon Basin. In Portuguese, it had become Boi-tat , a will-o-wisp with a confused, Christianized mythology ~ a serpent dwelling in darkness, devouring the eyes of corpses, glowing in the forests at night."Where is the flesh?" she whispered."In his mortal children," I replied."Who?""You are a monster, Ītzpāpālōtl. I'm not going to tell you and you don't have the time to drag the information out of my mind before my allies drop on you like a nuclear detonation," I drew my body tightly to her."Why would the Amazons do this?""They are not. This is a deal between you and me," I kissed her lips. I pulled back. A few seconds later she kissed me back."Why?""My grandfather had my father murdered and I would avenge him. In the end, despite my father's Amazon heritage, my 'Sisters' will let his death go unavenged for the greater good of the Host. He was a man and they will never look beyond that ~ they will never value his life as they would that of a woman.""Your mother's father?""Yes. Cáel O'Shea of the Illuminati.""We are not at war with the Illuminati," she murmured. It was a casual observation, not a protest."You are at war with Cáel O'Shea.""He was slain.""He didn't stay dead.""You know much more than you are saying," she was finally catching on."Absolutely.""I need much more than a few names to convince my kin to help," she purred, a cocktail of sexual immersion and flesh-flaying pain."I don't work for you. You are agreeing to work for me," I was hard as iron in more than one way. Why? Boundaries. She lived in a world where only the fundamentals of reality constrained her. Having a human, no matter how polished my pedigree, or how much I might appear to be 'special', tell her 'you are not the boss' in a reasonable fashion was new and very unwelcome."What would make you think that?""My mentor taught me knowledge is a curse. It is our inability to forget, and I can see into your soul, Ītzpāpālōtl. You care not one wit for the life of an assassin. But the thought of the other 'Factors' of the 9 Clans treating you as an equal galls you almost as much as the crushing reality that you need them."You have lived 500 years in chains and I'm offering you a desperate grab at freedom," I added."Your brief glimpse of immortality gives you no insight into my existence," she bristled."Oh, how many have given up? How many have decided the fight was no longer worth it and faded from the Sunlight to make their final trip into the Underworld, never to return? Do you even visit them?" I spoke with a voice tinged with compassion and loss. I pulled upon the pitiless, blank memories of a childless Alal all those centuries and imprinted on them my own fears of fatherhood and failure."How do you know so much?" she let her fa ade crack, then blow away, in the hollowness of her own sorrow. How could I pity such a monster? I could because I was me and I wouldn't surrender that to the barbaric past and most likely horrific future. I pulled her close, resting my chin on the top of her head."You are not the first, wonderful, very bright woman who has stepped into my life, Obsidian," I whispered. "You are not even the first divinity. For all the millions of differences enforced by power and time, I think love, hate and the conflict between the two wear upon us all. If anything, you face an endless parade of hope and misery. Even if you chose to ignore it, you have seen it and perhaps it leaves its marks ~ water scarring the rocks of a riverbed."We paused. I was able to peripherally scan about and realize we'd made it to Central Park ~ the Ramble and off the beaten path."Your Goddess is a fool for not keeping you closer," she murmured."She does keep me close. You have been actively keeping me from her," I reminded my guest. "She also plays by the rules, so is of limited help in my plans for vengeance."Translation: I could enlist Ītzpāpālōtl's aid while still remaining loyal to my matron Goddess. Ishara could not provide what I needed and my Amazons wouldn't agree with my scheme, so I needed her. Three hours ago, she wouldn't have considered me a worthy supplicant, much less an allied equal, yet here she was conspiring with me to shake the foundations of Creation.Personally, I was thanking Mamitu, Destiny. Had I not been having my worst Sunday ever when we first crossed paths and then acted like a total cockhead, pissed her off and led her to holding Sarrat Irkalli's dagger, thus putting her life in my hands, and not had Timothy as a best friend, I wouldn't have taken her to the movie, and my mind wouldn't have wandered down those dark corridors of Alal's memories to piece things together.Whatever itinerary Obsidian had approached me with, my abrasive behavior had forced her to it cast aside. Dagger, movie, revelations, I was now so much more in her eyes than she had envisioned."Share my need and share with me an ounce of your sorrow," I murmured to her as I gently curled my fingers in her hair and directed her head up until she faced me."The dagger," she rumbled. While she was stroking my hard-on, I knew she was using it as a double meaning."I was pinned to an onyx sacrificial table," I began my tale. We worked off pants to mid-thigh then 'got busy'. Penetration was only going to be possible by turning her around. Ground-breaking was her ready acceptance of my instruction. I leaned against a tree, then pulled her onto my lap. She guided my phallus home.One locomotion and I sunk in deep. It was warm molasses until I hit and pressed against her cervix. For a second Obsidian trembled, then her muscles clamped down tightly, gripping my manhood firmly in a vise, keeping me still."Ah," I groaned. Obsidian had her neck twisted, so we were kissing with eye contact as I described my adventures with the Gong tau sorcerers. She shot me a quick twinkle of delight, a connection. She'd relayed physical pleasure in the way I was giving her cerebral gratification, aka hope.I rolled up her shirt, and gave both nipples a brutal tweak in response. She gasped. I was applying a little 'rough' with my tender intercourse. She rolled her tush against my groin, an invitation to double-down on my nipple-play. I kept my left hand working over each tit while working my fingernails down her abdomen. As I described the terror in old Tsu's face as he shouted out 'M iyǒu! (Mandarin for 'No!') as he recognized too late the curse he was invoking. She relished the visual of the Han necromancer's terror.'Me' smacking two fingers down on her clit earned me a squeal and a small gush of fluids on my nut-sack. Her look of astonishment was something I'd always cherish. Before me, sex was something she demanded from her followers/victims and definitely orchestrated. Her partners being fearful/worshipful must have limited their initiative."A-a-a-ah, we are being observed," she groaned, her lips less than an inch from mine. It took me a second."Which direction?" I kept pumping her, strumming her clit and treating her tit like taffy on a hot Coney Island summer afternoon. Her hooded eyes flickered to our right. I gave it ten seconds. I had to get Obsidian refocused on what I was going to do to her next, in case this was innocent voyeurism. Nope. It was Chaz.Why Chaz? See, I'm an idiot. My cryptic warning to Timothy for Pamela had been good for all of one minute. He'd called her and she'd gathered what she could and come looking for me.Why was she concerned? I was babbling to Timothy then wandering off with a 'beyond-freaky' chick I had just met named 'Obsidian' who came my way courtesy of another chick with the name of Estere.Let me see, Estere was Hashashin and for Timothy to describe someone in my life as 'beyond freaky' was bad news. Timothy was seriously worried about me and Timothy was an emotional rock ~ he didn't panic. Lest we forget, I was in a federal taskforce. A quick peek into New York traffic cameras revealed me and Obsidian wandering into Central Park from the south, so in the rescue party went, splitting up and Chaz 'lucked-out'.I still had two, no, three problems. I was really enjoying my sexual excursion with Obsidian and she was seeming to truly enjoy her experience with me. Oh, and Central Park is big, Pamela had been pressed for people, so she had pressed some unlikely participants into my rescue party."He's," smooch, "my brother, by adoption," I headed off the whole idea she'd been briefed on me already."Visual, Peacekeeper Six, OS2, L-11," Chaz muttered into his headset before taking up a casual stance on the path overlooking our trysting spot. Sex with an audience didn't bother her, so, we worked out as much action from twist, turns and two inches of in-and-out motions (she liked to keep our bodies tight) as we could. Obsidian was humming along in no time. Her vaginal walls were undulating, wearing away at my self-control.Panting, not from us,"Is he o, are they, who is she?" huffed and puffed a trio of voices from Chaz's locale. Oh. Pamela had recruited my 'Hounds'.I accidently (from a timing perspective) took that moment to grind my nails into her left nipple, pinched her clit and hammered her as hard as I could. Obsidian howled. Her vocalization exited the human realm in a cataclysmic manner.The noise scared avians a mile away into terrorized flight. Cats hissed, then raced for cover. Dogs tucked tail and ran. Streetlights a hundred yards away shattered in sprays of glass. Better yet, for the entertainment of my viewing public, she lashed out with her right hand at the closest Black Cherry sapling, exploding it into a mist of sap and pulverizing the bark and wood fiber into pulp.On the downside, her cervix gave my balls an ultimatum ~ release my seed at once, or she was going to twist off my head. My cock and balls have a long history of making decisions without me. I began lavishing her. Before I finally got the feeling I was out of the danger zone. She was back to rubbing against me and purring in blissful satisfaction."Onun g zleri," whispered Belgin, one of the Turks. 'Her eyes'?"Cáel, are you aware of the alternative nature of your liaison?" Chaz coolly cautioned me. Translation: 'mate, do you know you have your cock in a demon?'"Yeah," I coughed. I had a face full of her hair. I was working on some post-coital nuzzling along with slowly helping her get her pants back up."Ininzqueoccehpa," she hummed to me, ignoring our gathering. That was 'let's do this again'."Tehuatlcochitlehua," I replied with some fondness. She studied me for a second before deciding my term was one of endearment, thus 'you are what dreams are made of', not 'nightmares'.Obsidian had another issue to deal with. Timothy would call it a righteous cocking. Whatever it was, her hold on her human mein had slipped and her inhumanity was slipping through, mainly in her glass-like, black, multi-facetted eyes and her fingers which now ended in molten obsidian talons. On the subconscious level, her predatory nature was setting everyone close-by on edge. I could also make out the high pitched, ultrasonic pipping of her chiropteran cries ~ purpose unknown.Obsidian made her way off farther into the underbrush leaving me a few precious seconds to appreciate her retreating posterior while holstering my equipment. More people were arriving. I had one more thing to take care of before, oh look, Nikita had brought her Mom along, the NYPD Sergeant."Chaz, I need to have a quick chat with Dot before I can explain things. She's been waiting and that's unwise," I looked to the Brit. He nodded."Cáel? Mr. Nyilas? Prince?" all came my way. I relaxed as best I could. Chaz went to a body blow to stagger me, then an epic upper cut to send me to Lullaby Land.Dot & the DragonessDot and SzelAnya, in dragon form, were waiting as I tumbled forward. By the state of my haziness, I knew my unconsciousness wouldn't last long."You gave her your seed," came the accusation."Yes," I staggered, "and now you should be able to track her," I pointed out the bonus part of the arrangement. No comment."I've got to make this quick, SzelAnya, I've found your father, geographically speaking," I dropped the bomb."Don't," Dot Ishara commanded. After all, she and her divine cohorts had done the killing and corpse-dividing eons ago. Undoubtedly, they'd executed their own oaths to one another to 'never reveal what they had done' as well."Too late," I shook my head. SzelAnya's attention was magnetized. "I owe you and I'm paying my debts. I'm not blind to the dangers, believe me.""You have no idea what power you are invoking," Dot's undercurrent of displeasure was the worst I'd experienced."Wrong. I've got thousands of years of Alal boiling around in my head, Plus the rest of you betrayed her 2600 years ago. It doesn't mean I have to. And now, given the chance, I'm not. Even if you kill me, she's got enough toBack in the Ramble"Really expect me to believe," Nikita's mom was growling."Man down," I waved a weak arm skyward."Mr. Nyilas, what is going on here?" the Sergeant addressed me. I was reclining in a circle of my 'Hounds'; most were kneeling. Chaz was in a tiny bit of trouble for having clocked me."Umm, thanks for coming out and looking for me. I assure you, Mr. Tomorrow did what he did as a matter of his professional duties ~ intelligence gathering." As I struggled to stand, my ladies helped me. I saw Pamela with three Hounds coming up fast from one direction and Virginia with three more coming from the other. The gang was all here.The mutterings in non-English tongues suggested a bit of explaining was already going on."You've been bleeding," Nikita pointed out with an unspoken 'again'."This?" I pulled my shirt out and looked at the first bloodstain of my encounter. "This is the just the start of the bad news." I shed my windbreaker and then t-shirt.The professionals shouldered aside the others to take a closer look."All of these are from noon and less than an hour ago," I identified the damage. Sarge was skeptical. Chaz, Nikita and Virginia less so."They look older," the senior lawman noted."I've been curious about that," Chaz frowned."I've inherited my Grandfather's curse. My soul fragment was in the 'Here and Now' twenty-three years ago while his was, 'over there', so I was allowed to come into creation. According to my recently departed guest,""You are immortal," Virginia mumbled to finish the thought. Had the speaker not been a member of the FBI, who knows how the thought would have been received."From the memories I've been gifted with," I tapped the tiny divot on my forehead, "his healing abilities started out rather slowly too. I certainly don't want to test this theory, so no worries there," I scanned the group."How do you explain seeing your Grandfather in Hungary and again in Rome?" Virginia wondered."Again, that woman who just left," I got out."Was no woman," Nuray, another one of my Turkish Hounds interrupted. "Her eyes..." she tried to explain, "and look what she did to that tree," she pointed to the greatest piece of evidence of supernatural wrongdoing. The other two witnesses nodded."We all saw the same thing. Her eyes were, bottomless, definitely not human," Belgin affirmed. The veteran players looked to Chaz."She had a collapsed nose-bridge, lacked a blink response, her dental work was carnivorous and her tongue was extremely clipped and showed prehensile qualities," he reported calmly. Pause. Chaz was a freaking intelligence operative, after all."If her hands were a type of glove weaponry, I've never seen it s like before. While I know it is possible for a human to exert the force-pounds necessary to snap a two inch diameter tree trunk in one blow, it is a rare skill and requires intense discipline. This appeared to be done spontaneously, without preparation of any kind and as a reaction to other stimuli," he added."It was also your assessment he needed to be knocked unconscious?" Nikita's mom countered."Mr. Nyilas' psychological constructs are something the whole team has to work around. At times, he seeks 'insight' from his mind in a deliberately unconscious/non-sleep state," he replied."He claims to be talking with spirit powers. I know when he returns to consciousness, he delivers useful intelligence. I'm not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychic. I don't know why his mind functions that way. I do know results. And I know I work with people who would achieve those results by other means if it were at all possible. Since we haven't found another method, we accept that from tim

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The Top Of Wrestling's Podcast
Episode 632 - Shorter and Squattier

The Top Of Wrestling's Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 26, 2025 134:11


Imagine driving 11 hours just to get back flipped on to a spiked bat.  This week we talk the road to Wrestlemania in 2025 and 2000.  And in our top topic, we show the glaring difference between AEW's women's roster and NXT's.  Inadvertently.  Also this week:   - News - This week in AEW, NJPW, TNA, and WWE - Bring it to the Table - This week in the Monday Night Wars - Top Topic: The Top of Today's Women's Crop - 2025 Edition

Steamy Stories Podcast
Jackie and the Phallic Android Visit.

Steamy Stories Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 12, 2025


Jackie's lonely deep-space post enjoys delicious company.Based on a post by Alizzia. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Jackie awoke to a twinkling, navy-blue night. She lay still, perceived the idle murmer of gulls and surf, the sweet air, the soft and runny sand against her back. With every little rush of the surf, a liquid touch caressed her. Startlingly chill. Goosebumps prickled her naked form. She pulled a long, resuscitating breath, sat up.She nearly gasped. Out on the surf, submerged to the dimpled saddle of his hips, stood a bare and strapping figure. Head tipped to the moon, he raised and clasped corded hands, stretched. He twisted, hummed as he arched the broad, inverted triangle of his lats. Yawning luxuriantly, he turned, dropped his arms, smiled at Jackie.Jackie's pulse fluttered. She returned the crinkled hazel eyes' smile. The figure blushed a hint, turned a bashful eye to the sea. He approached. Surf split and foamed about his hips, thighs, knees, ankles. All softly corded, olive, and bare.He stopped inches from Jackie's toes, let his gaze drag over her, slow. She blushed in return, twisted a little, pulled and bent her knees to touch. Responding, his eyes flicked to her face, stopped there. Though not a turn of betrayed sentiment showed on his lips, a soft bundle of creases remained at the corners of his eyes, somehow more intense. He lingered on her mouth, nose, eyes, canted his head just a hint. A hoarse, longing sigh rose from his chest.Some melted excitement splashed into Jackie's chest and belly. Returning the gaze in full measure, she straightened her legs, arms, lay back on the sand. She raised a challenging brow.Slow, the figure knelt, touched one knee to the beach, then the other. He straddled just one of Jackie's legs, bent, placed heavy hands beside her head. Jackie could hear the wet sand squish under his weight. He bent ever so close, stopped, just breathed. Not a slip of skin touched between them. Droplets fell from his locks and long nose, fell just inches before rolling down Jackie's cheeks. He smelt of salt and earth.Jackie's lips parted involuntarily, asymmetrically. Never breaking her gaze, she stretched, wriggled just a bit, tilted her groin and chin. She heard the figure's pupils dilate, heard his shuddering breath, sensed his heavy arousal. A small smile of glee split her face. She squirmed in the sand beneath him, like a sea star, free beneath his hanging weight. Then, suddenly deadly serious, she stopped. With dearest care, she shifted just a little, pulled the inside of a smooth thigh to meet his knee. The figure shuddered, shut his eyes. Jackie struck, pushed her lips into his. For a moment, she could taste the warmth, the salt. Then, the world spun.The figure disappeared. The stars went out. The black sky fell away. Jackie awoke to a riveted, titanium ceiling studded with white lights. She flailed momently, gasping wetly. Tubes hung before her face, wet with the spit of her own trachea. Pressure lifted from her wrists, ankles, and abdomen. She began to float from the padded pod where she lay.Jackie's clumsy fingers found rails on either edge of the pod. She held herself within, panted. She swallowed dryly, blinked, surveyed the pod, her white sleep shorts and top, the room about her. After a moment, she groaned in recognition and disappointment. Any arousal she'd experienced had flown with her dream, left her with naught but a sodden crotch in a chilly room."Good morning, Specialist Jaqueline Kent," said a voice, at once sonorous and very dull.Jackie tried to sit up and look over the side of the bed. The inertia of the action strained her fingers. Her hands split from the rail. She floated from the bed, frowned.Across the room was a crop-haired man in red. His cotton jumpsuit strained where it failed to accommodate his chest and back. He had cold, blue eyes and a pointed nose. He held onto a support rail, feet firmly affixed to the vaguely-concave floor in magnet boots."Who the fu..." coughed Jackie, barely audible. She rasped. "The fuck are you?" She inadvertently turned upside down in the microgravity, crossed her arms over her floating tits."My pardon, Specialist Kent. My designation is Sam.""You're..." said Jackie, trying to find a more dignified stance. She failed, ended up sort of weakly kicking off the side wall. She made a face as she clipped the stasis pod, wheeled into Sam. Her face collided with his broad chest. He caught her there. For a moment, Jackie's cheek and nose pressed into him. He was firm, but soft. He smelled of soap and salt."You're a service unit, an organic android?" she said, frowning, as Sam pulled her away from him."Indeed.""Why isn't this place being spun for gravity?" raged Jackie, shuffling from his grasp. Strong fingers released from her upper arms."The habitat is spun for only eight hours of the 24-hour cycle, per regulated health minimums. Generator and battery capacity are prioritized for the lighthouse array, rather than gravity rotors. The next spin commences tonight, in several minutes," said Sam, smiling thinly. "For now, please accept these mag boots.""Fine," said Jackie, cold. She bumped against the wall, struggled to pull a boot on. The other floated away. She made a face, huffed, weak from stasis sleep. "Please, allow me," said Sam. For just a moment, Jackie twisted her face as if to protest, but relented. She moved close, allowed the android to wrap an arm around each of her calves in turn, slip a boot over the foot, and strap it tight. For a moment, she relaxed, felt the long hands wrap near-entirely round her bare ankles. They were firm, but not rough. Sam moved away. "There."Jackie tentatively pushed away, set a foot to the floor, felt it stick. "Thanks," she said, quietly."Allow me to show you around the lighthouse. Afterwards, you may recuperate. It will only take a moment. The station is not large, and I understand by your Company service record that you have served in this role before.""There wasn't an android on my last lighthouse. I do this job because I like the solitude."Sam looked genuinely regretful. "I am sorry. You must understand I was attached to this station by the company. I am their property.""Yeah, yeah," said Jackie, seeing his face. A spike of empathy broke through her grumpiness. "You don't seem like bad company, anyway. What model are you?" she said, as Sam opened the hatch for them to exit."I am a Serault Corporation Ceres-6," he said, stepping through. Jackie followed. The concave floor of the room beyond was double-walled transparent alloy. It acted as a gigantic window out onto the red and purple nebula which the lighthouse was meant to warn of. Along the walls, set so one might look down into the nebula, were leather benches, a few pod chairs, and a bed with microgravity webbing, all somewhat worn. Crimson light played over the white upholstery and sheets.Jackie looked over the living quarters, far nicer than she'd had before. She gaped at the nebula for a moment, watched a streak of magenta light cross Sam's eyes and face. "So, you're one of those white-blooded ones?""My internal serum is a sucrose base. It serves modified roles in all my body fluids. It is indeed an off-white.""Sucrose? A real sweetie, huh?""If indeed it were to be tasted, my serum would taste of sugar." He looked her in the eyes, terribly sincere.Jackie looked away, grinned uncomfortably. "Right. Have any other special features?" she said, sarcastic."As Ceres-6 models are designed for small crew missions, our personality precepts are mutable. We change in reaction or in request to facilitate maximum compatibility.""Ah, well. Good to know." Jackie looked about awkwardly, arms crossed. "I take it this is my room?""Indeed, this is the lighthouse keeper's room," he blinked at her, slow."And where do you sleep?""Though I do not often enter my hibernation cycle, I have a pod in the crew maintenance room we just exited."Jackie suddenly uncrossed her arms, waved one about. "Listen, do you need to stare me straight in the eyeballs all the time? It's freaking me out.""Would you prefer I focus on a different portion of your body?" said Sam. He concernedly looked at her left foot."Like, shit. No. Just let your eyes wander like a normal person, okay?""Understood," said Sam. He glanced at her eyes, then about the room, then down into the floor-window."A little less wildly, maybe.""Yes, Specialist Kent." His eyes flitted over Jackie, focused momently on the nipples poking through her airy sleep top. Jackie crossed her arms, blushed. "And call me Jackie, not Specialist Kent.""Understood, Jackie.""And smile a bit more.""Of course," he said, doing so. Jackie shivered, not from the chill air. The lines which pulled about the android's eyes and nose bridge turned the cold face quite warm. It stayed that way."Well," said Jackie, hesitating. "We're getting on better already," she said, only half as sarcastic as she meant. "Can we continue the tour? I could use a shower.""Of course." He continued to a hatch on the other side of the room. Jackie stepped through as well. They entered a circular room with a ladder in the center. The walls were ringed with computer panels and other hatches."This is the primary communication room. Here, you-""Sam, I know how to use the comms.""My apologies," he said. "This hatch leads to the EVA room. This one to the galley. This one to life support. The ladder leads up to the secondary systems and down to engineering.""I take it life support has the shower?""Indeed.""Great. Anything else?""No. We commence operation tomorrow morning, approximately an hour after the eight-hour spin." He broke off for a moment, canted his head. His eyes trailed over Jackie's bare abdomen, likely by chance. She squirmed, regardless. Sam raised his eyebrows, continued. "The spin, which I believe should commence now."There was a jerk, a hollow whine in the hull of the station, a rush in Jackie's ears. Jackie and Sam slowly settled under the centrifugal forces. Jackie adjusted her shorts, surreptitiously. "I'm going to shower.""There are requisite uniforms and undergarments waiting for you.""Gee, thanks for laying out my underwear.""Of course, Jackie."Jackie shook her head, kicked off the mag boots, stomped to the life support bay. She shut the hatch with a good deal of force. The bathroom was behind a secondary hatch, near the spare air purification tanks and the waterless laundry engine. It was stark, shiny white, floored with nobly grip tiles. There were indeed clothes laid out for her: A red jumpsuit and white boyshorts. Jackie passed them just a glance before dropping her shorts and top. Naked, she passed the small mirror, sneered at her baggy eyes, her body, depilated for stasis sleep.She stepped into the shower. A touch panel reading "Shower Ration: 2 Minutes," met her."Same old station-life," she groaned, punched the Start key.A vertical shower hit from above. Mist quickly filled the room. Jackie moaned for the heat, turned her head and chest to face the stream. Little rivulets poured from her nose, chin, nipples. At these she looked askance, gently surprised. She cupped, rubbed one between thumb and forefinger experimentally, sighed a little. She repeated this with both, sighed a lot. Doing so, suddenly quite determined, she stepped back and leaned back, pressed her rump against the white wall. One hand, the right one, slipped between her hairless legs, which she widened just sufficiently. They wobbled a bit, weak from stasis. She leaned harder against the wall, slipped a middle finger over and through her dripping vulva, split the lips, found it dripping inside, too. The left hand joined, found the clit, elicited a hum, a bitten lip. Several wet seconds later, a groan. Jackie's face tipped upwards. Her thighs twitched. Droplets hit her screwed-up eyelids, her open mouth.The water stopped abruptly. Jackie jerked upright. "Motherfucker," she said, a cry fading into a mumble. She leaned through the steam, slightly pigeontoed, red the touch panel. It said, "Time until next Shower Ration: 18 hours." Jackie rubbed her temples, groaned resignedly. The cold of the station was already seeping into the shower. Quickly, she dried, performed her remaining ablutions, threw on the insulated red jumpsuit over still-aching nipples.Jackie emerged to find Sam in the life-support bay. He was shirtless, jumpsuit rolled at the waste, supine beneath a large conduit emitting steam. Droplets rolled over his long fingers and corded forearms, dripped and slid over an expanse of blond-furred chest. Veins stood out in his neck and arms, swollen from the effort of having just slotted a hefty filter into place. As Jackie approached, he turned."Jackie," he said, emerging carefully from under the conduit. He panted gently, lips parted just a tad. They were pink, creased. Human. "How are we?""I'm fine, thanks," said Jackie, forcibly pulling her eyes to his. She looked for a moment longer, watched a vein pulse on his temple. "If you don't mind me saying, you're damn realistic, aren't you?""I am, on the exterior, functionally and visually indistinguishable from a human man.""Yup," said Jackie, moving to leave."Jackie?"She turned back a moment. "Yes?""Is the station too cold for your comfort?" His eyes brows, cream and near-invisible, were arched in concern.Jackie squinted, raised an eyebrow. "No. It's fine.""Good. And, do make sure to have the appropriate post-stasis ration packs. I have concerns your flight here has left you low on muscle mass."Jackie turned away. "Yeah."She opened the hatch to her quarters, shut it with a huff. One protein pack later, she had stripped off her jumpsuit, dead asleep.Hours later, Jackie woke to a crimson nebulaic glow. She floated, bleary, in the microgravity webbing. The vibrating hum of the spin-rotors had died. Now, there was merely silence. Dully, Jackie moved to turn over under the webbing. As her thighs shifted, she felt a tingling wetness from some dream she couldn't remember. Idly, half asleep, she let a fingertip creep down her belly, trace over the soaked groin of her shorts, begin to prod, massage. She hummed, rubbed her cheek into the netting.Nearby, a hatch creaked open. Jackie jerked awake, hang back her hand, froze."Ready to get to work, Specialist Jackie?"Jackie groaned. "Yup," she said. Sam nodded, smiled, retreated into the comms room. The hatch clacked shut.Only after clambering out of the sleep webbing did Jackie realize her floating tits had been in full view. The Corporation had some odd opinions about bras in space. Jackie shook her head. "Chill, girl. Robot doesn't care."The proceeding five hours were a floating blur. Jackie stood in the comms room, directed ship after ship in non-collision courses around the nebula. The job was a steep and constant series of calls and responses to incoming and waiting craft. Sam assisted."Astroliner 313, after well veer, climb straight ahead five degrees Kepler. Thank you.""Jackie, we have a Corsican military craft requesting expedited access," said Sam."Tell him to follow the greens and stand by for expedite.""EES Pearl River is expressing a complaint.""Send them the docs. They can deal with the Company." She changed channels. "Yes, Arrowtine Sirius, you have permission to take route bravo in five. Thank you.""Jackie, I'm directing Designate 476 to hold. Their cargo requires maximum berth.""Thanks, Sam."Sam smiled thinly at her. He had started doing that more often. His eyes stayed crinkled kindly, when he did. Jackie kept watching him.Abruptly, Sam frowned. "Jackie, we have an error.""What?""New connections are timing out. We have a receiver down from d

Steamy Stories
Jackie and the Phallic Android Visit.

Steamy Stories

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 12, 2025


Jackie's lonely deep-space post enjoys delicious company.Based on a post by Alizzia. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Jackie awoke to a twinkling, navy-blue night. She lay still, perceived the idle murmer of gulls and surf, the sweet air, the soft and runny sand against her back. With every little rush of the surf, a liquid touch caressed her. Startlingly chill. Goosebumps prickled her naked form. She pulled a long, resuscitating breath, sat up.She nearly gasped. Out on the surf, submerged to the dimpled saddle of his hips, stood a bare and strapping figure. Head tipped to the moon, he raised and clasped corded hands, stretched. He twisted, hummed as he arched the broad, inverted triangle of his lats. Yawning luxuriantly, he turned, dropped his arms, smiled at Jackie.Jackie's pulse fluttered. She returned the crinkled hazel eyes' smile. The figure blushed a hint, turned a bashful eye to the sea. He approached. Surf split and foamed about his hips, thighs, knees, ankles. All softly corded, olive, and bare.He stopped inches from Jackie's toes, let his gaze drag over her, slow. She blushed in return, twisted a little, pulled and bent her knees to touch. Responding, his eyes flicked to her face, stopped there. Though not a turn of betrayed sentiment showed on his lips, a soft bundle of creases remained at the corners of his eyes, somehow more intense. He lingered on her mouth, nose, eyes, canted his head just a hint. A hoarse, longing sigh rose from his chest.Some melted excitement splashed into Jackie's chest and belly. Returning the gaze in full measure, she straightened her legs, arms, lay back on the sand. She raised a challenging brow.Slow, the figure knelt, touched one knee to the beach, then the other. He straddled just one of Jackie's legs, bent, placed heavy hands beside her head. Jackie could hear the wet sand squish under his weight. He bent ever so close, stopped, just breathed. Not a slip of skin touched between them. Droplets fell from his locks and long nose, fell just inches before rolling down Jackie's cheeks. He smelt of salt and earth.Jackie's lips parted involuntarily, asymmetrically. Never breaking her gaze, she stretched, wriggled just a bit, tilted her groin and chin. She heard the figure's pupils dilate, heard his shuddering breath, sensed his heavy arousal. A small smile of glee split her face. She squirmed in the sand beneath him, like a sea star, free beneath his hanging weight. Then, suddenly deadly serious, she stopped. With dearest care, she shifted just a little, pulled the inside of a smooth thigh to meet his knee. The figure shuddered, shut his eyes. Jackie struck, pushed her lips into his. For a moment, she could taste the warmth, the salt. Then, the world spun.The figure disappeared. The stars went out. The black sky fell away. Jackie awoke to a riveted, titanium ceiling studded with white lights. She flailed momently, gasping wetly. Tubes hung before her face, wet with the spit of her own trachea. Pressure lifted from her wrists, ankles, and abdomen. She began to float from the padded pod where she lay.Jackie's clumsy fingers found rails on either edge of the pod. She held herself within, panted. She swallowed dryly, blinked, surveyed the pod, her white sleep shorts and top, the room about her. After a moment, she groaned in recognition and disappointment. Any arousal she'd experienced had flown with her dream, left her with naught but a sodden crotch in a chilly room."Good morning, Specialist Jaqueline Kent," said a voice, at once sonorous and very dull.Jackie tried to sit up and look over the side of the bed. The inertia of the action strained her fingers. Her hands split from the rail. She floated from the bed, frowned.Across the room was a crop-haired man in red. His cotton jumpsuit strained where it failed to accommodate his chest and back. He had cold, blue eyes and a pointed nose. He held onto a support rail, feet firmly affixed to the vaguely-concave floor in magnet boots."Who the fu..." coughed Jackie, barely audible. She rasped. "The fuck are you?" She inadvertently turned upside down in the microgravity, crossed her arms over her floating tits."My pardon, Specialist Kent. My designation is Sam.""You're..." said Jackie, trying to find a more dignified stance. She failed, ended up sort of weakly kicking off the side wall. She made a face as she clipped the stasis pod, wheeled into Sam. Her face collided with his broad chest. He caught her there. For a moment, Jackie's cheek and nose pressed into him. He was firm, but soft. He smelled of soap and salt."You're a service unit, an organic android?" she said, frowning, as Sam pulled her away from him."Indeed.""Why isn't this place being spun for gravity?" raged Jackie, shuffling from his grasp. Strong fingers released from her upper arms."The habitat is spun for only eight hours of the 24-hour cycle, per regulated health minimums. Generator and battery capacity are prioritized for the lighthouse array, rather than gravity rotors. The next spin commences tonight, in several minutes," said Sam, smiling thinly. "For now, please accept these mag boots.""Fine," said Jackie, cold. She bumped against the wall, struggled to pull a boot on. The other floated away. She made a face, huffed, weak from stasis sleep. "Please, allow me," said Sam. For just a moment, Jackie twisted her face as if to protest, but relented. She moved close, allowed the android to wrap an arm around each of her calves in turn, slip a boot over the foot, and strap it tight. For a moment, she relaxed, felt the long hands wrap near-entirely round her bare ankles. They were firm, but not rough. Sam moved away. "There."Jackie tentatively pushed away, set a foot to the floor, felt it stick. "Thanks," she said, quietly."Allow me to show you around the lighthouse. Afterwards, you may recuperate. It will only take a moment. The station is not large, and I understand by your Company service record that you have served in this role before.""There wasn't an android on my last lighthouse. I do this job because I like the solitude."Sam looked genuinely regretful. "I am sorry. You must understand I was attached to this station by the company. I am their property.""Yeah, yeah," said Jackie, seeing his face. A spike of empathy broke through her grumpiness. "You don't seem like bad company, anyway. What model are you?" she said, as Sam opened the hatch for them to exit."I am a Serault Corporation Ceres-6," he said, stepping through. Jackie followed. The concave floor of the room beyond was double-walled transparent alloy. It acted as a gigantic window out onto the red and purple nebula which the lighthouse was meant to warn of. Along the walls, set so one might look down into the nebula, were leather benches, a few pod chairs, and a bed with microgravity webbing, all somewhat worn. Crimson light played over the white upholstery and sheets.Jackie looked over the living quarters, far nicer than she'd had before. She gaped at the nebula for a moment, watched a streak of magenta light cross Sam's eyes and face. "So, you're one of those white-blooded ones?""My internal serum is a sucrose base. It serves modified roles in all my body fluids. It is indeed an off-white.""Sucrose? A real sweetie, huh?""If indeed it were to be tasted, my serum would taste of sugar." He looked her in the eyes, terribly sincere.Jackie looked away, grinned uncomfortably. "Right. Have any other special features?" she said, sarcastic."As Ceres-6 models are designed for small crew missions, our personality precepts are mutable. We change in reaction or in request to facilitate maximum compatibility.""Ah, well. Good to know." Jackie looked about awkwardly, arms crossed. "I take it this is my room?""Indeed, this is the lighthouse keeper's room," he blinked at her, slow."And where do you sleep?""Though I do not often enter my hibernation cycle, I have a pod in the crew maintenance room we just exited."Jackie suddenly uncrossed her arms, waved one about. "Listen, do you need to stare me straight in the eyeballs all the time? It's freaking me out.""Would you prefer I focus on a different portion of your body?" said Sam. He concernedly looked at her left foot."Like, shit. No. Just let your eyes wander like a normal person, okay?""Understood," said Sam. He glanced at her eyes, then about the room, then down into the floor-window."A little less wildly, maybe.""Yes, Specialist Kent." His eyes flitted over Jackie, focused momently on the nipples poking through her airy sleep top. Jackie crossed her arms, blushed. "And call me Jackie, not Specialist Kent.""Understood, Jackie.""And smile a bit more.""Of course," he said, doing so. Jackie shivered, not from the chill air. The lines which pulled about the android's eyes and nose bridge turned the cold face quite warm. It stayed that way."Well," said Jackie, hesitating. "We're getting on better already," she said, only half as sarcastic as she meant. "Can we continue the tour? I could use a shower.""Of course." He continued to a hatch on the other side of the room. Jackie stepped through as well. They entered a circular room with a ladder in the center. The walls were ringed with computer panels and other hatches."This is the primary communication room. Here, you-""Sam, I know how to use the comms.""My apologies," he said. "This hatch leads to the EVA room. This one to the galley. This one to life support. The ladder leads up to the secondary systems and down to engineering.""I take it life support has the shower?""Indeed.""Great. Anything else?""No. We commence operation tomorrow morning, approximately an hour after the eight-hour spin." He broke off for a moment, canted his head. His eyes trailed over Jackie's bare abdomen, likely by chance. She squirmed, regardless. Sam raised his eyebrows, continued. "The spin, which I believe should commence now."There was a jerk, a hollow whine in the hull of the station, a rush in Jackie's ears. Jackie and Sam slowly settled under the centrifugal forces. Jackie adjusted her shorts, surreptitiously. "I'm going to shower.""There are requisite uniforms and undergarments waiting for you.""Gee, thanks for laying out my underwear.""Of course, Jackie."Jackie shook her head, kicked off the mag boots, stomped to the life support bay. She shut the hatch with a good deal of force. The bathroom was behind a secondary hatch, near the spare air purification tanks and the waterless laundry engine. It was stark, shiny white, floored with nobly grip tiles. There were indeed clothes laid out for her: A red jumpsuit and white boyshorts. Jackie passed them just a glance before dropping her shorts and top. Naked, she passed the small mirror, sneered at her baggy eyes, her body, depilated for stasis sleep.She stepped into the shower. A touch panel reading "Shower Ration: 2 Minutes," met her."Same old station-life," she groaned, punched the Start key.A vertical shower hit from above. Mist quickly filled the room. Jackie moaned for the heat, turned her head and chest to face the stream. Little rivulets poured from her nose, chin, nipples. At these she looked askance, gently surprised. She cupped, rubbed one between thumb and forefinger experimentally, sighed a little. She repeated this with both, sighed a lot. Doing so, suddenly quite determined, she stepped back and leaned back, pressed her rump against the white wall. One hand, the right one, slipped between her hairless legs, which she widened just sufficiently. They wobbled a bit, weak from stasis. She leaned harder against the wall, slipped a middle finger over and through her dripping vulva, split the lips, found it dripping inside, too. The left hand joined, found the clit, elicited a hum, a bitten lip. Several wet seconds later, a groan. Jackie's face tipped upwards. Her thighs twitched. Droplets hit her screwed-up eyelids, her open mouth.The water stopped abruptly. Jackie jerked upright. "Motherfucker," she said, a cry fading into a mumble. She leaned through the steam, slightly pigeontoed, red the touch panel. It said, "Time until next Shower Ration: 18 hours." Jackie rubbed her temples, groaned resignedly. The cold of the station was already seeping into the shower. Quickly, she dried, performed her remaining ablutions, threw on the insulated red jumpsuit over still-aching nipples.Jackie emerged to find Sam in the life-support bay. He was shirtless, jumpsuit rolled at the waste, supine beneath a large conduit emitting steam. Droplets rolled over his long fingers and corded forearms, dripped and slid over an expanse of blond-furred chest. Veins stood out in his neck and arms, swollen from the effort of having just slotted a hefty filter into place. As Jackie approached, he turned."Jackie," he said, emerging carefully from under the conduit. He panted gently, lips parted just a tad. They were pink, creased. Human. "How are we?""I'm fine, thanks," said Jackie, forcibly pulling her eyes to his. She looked for a moment longer, watched a vein pulse on his temple. "If you don't mind me saying, you're damn realistic, aren't you?""I am, on the exterior, functionally and visually indistinguishable from a human man.""Yup," said Jackie, moving to leave."Jackie?"She turned back a moment. "Yes?""Is the station too cold for your comfort?" His eyes brows, cream and near-invisible, were arched in concern.Jackie squinted, raised an eyebrow. "No. It's fine.""Good. And, do make sure to have the appropriate post-stasis ration packs. I have concerns your flight here has left you low on muscle mass."Jackie turned away. "Yeah."She opened the hatch to her quarters, shut it with a huff. One protein pack later, she had stripped off her jumpsuit, dead asleep.Hours later, Jackie woke to a crimson nebulaic glow. She floated, bleary, in the microgravity webbing. The vibrating hum of the spin-rotors had died. Now, there was merely silence. Dully, Jackie moved to turn over under the webbing. As her thighs shifted, she felt a tingling wetness from some dream she couldn't remember. Idly, half asleep, she let a fingertip creep down her belly, trace over the soaked groin of her shorts, begin to prod, massage. She hummed, rubbed her cheek into the netting.Nearby, a hatch creaked open. Jackie jerked awake, hang back her hand, froze."Ready to get to work, Specialist Jackie?"Jackie groaned. "Yup," she said. Sam nodded, smiled, retreated into the comms room. The hatch clacked shut.Only after clambering out of the sleep webbing did Jackie realize her floating tits had been in full view. The Corporation had some odd opinions about bras in space. Jackie shook her head. "Chill, girl. Robot doesn't care."The proceeding five hours were a floating blur. Jackie stood in the comms room, directed ship after ship in non-collision courses around the nebula. The job was a steep and constant series of calls and responses to incoming and waiting craft. Sam assisted."Astroliner 313, after well veer, climb straight ahead five degrees Kepler. Thank you.""Jackie, we have a Corsican military craft requesting expedited access," said Sam."Tell him to follow the greens and stand by for expedite.""EES Pearl River is expressing a complaint.""Send them the docs. They can deal with the Company." She changed channels. "Yes, Arrowtine Sirius, you have permission to take route bravo in five. Thank you.""Jackie, I'm directing Designate 476 to hold. Their cargo requires maximum berth.""Thanks, Sam."Sam smiled thinly at her. He had started doing that more often. His eyes stayed crinkled kindly, when he did. Jackie kept watching him.Abruptly, Sam frowned. "Jackie, we have an error.""What?""New connections are timing out. We have a receiver down from d

Be It Till You See It
493. Breaking Free From Addiction and Trauma to Transform Your Life

Be It Till You See It

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 4, 2025 46:09


Are you truly aware of the addictions shaping your daily life? Dr. Stephan Neff joins Lesley Logan to explore the hidden addictions we all face, from social media scrolling to workaholism, and how they impact our emotions, identity, and self-worth. In this raw and insightful conversation, Stephan shares his personal journey of addiction recovery, trauma healing, and radical self-compassion. Learn practical steps to regulate emotions, embrace grief, and redefine your identity beyond societal labels.If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co. And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.In this episode you will learn about:The hidden addictions we all face and their impact on emotional well-being.The challenges of identity loss after major life changes and the journey to rediscovering self-worth.The importance of grief, how it manifests beyond loss, and why allowing yourself to feel is essential for healing.Practical self-compassion techniques to reframe negative thoughts.How taking intentional action and creating a clear vision can transform challenges into opportunities for growth. Episode References/Links:Stephan Neff Website - https://www.neffinspiration.comSteps to Sobriety by Stephan Neff - https://a.co/d/hHY4w9PDepression Lied To Me by Stephan Neff - https://a.co/d/7s6Ddg0Neff Inspiration Podcast - https://stephanneff.podbean.comStephan Neff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@neffinspirationStephan Neff Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/neffinspirationStephan Neff Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/neffinspirationStephan Neff LinkedIn - https://beitpod.com/neffonlinkedinEsmee The Mindful Mouse - https://neffinspiration.com/booksGuest Bio:Stephan Neff is an anaesthetist, bestselling author, speaker and show host. After studying medicine in Heidelberg, Germany he travelled and worked in Europe and Australia before settling down with his family in beautiful New Zealand. As a pain physician, he developed a specific insight into human psychology. As a man trying to drown his sorrows, he found out the hard way that the critters can swim. But over the last ten years, he made every day a little bit better than yesterday. When he became intrigued about epigenetics, he started training in functional medicine. Once he experienced the power of breathwork he became a breath coach. Not willing to accept getting stiffer with age he became a flexibility coach. His desire to impact humans led him to become a life coach and hypnotherapist. He strongly believes that the past does not equal the future. By taking action in a consistent way, we can experience transformations beyond our wildest dreams. He shares this passion through his podcast and YouTube channel, and through social media (Stephan Neff / Neff Inspiration) There is so much more to Stephan than sobriety. Nevertheless, in his book “Steps to Sobriety” he shares the lessons he has learned as a doctor and as a man. Every addict can turn his life around, one little decision at a time. His books and his show explain how to do it. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS!Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper's Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSoxBe in the know with all the workshops at OPCBe It Till You See It Podcast SurveyBe a part of Lesley's Pilates MentorshipFREE Ditching Busy Webinar Resources:Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!Lesley Logan websiteBe It Till You See It PodcastOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley LoganOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTubeProfitable Pilates Follow Us on Social Media:InstagramThe Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channelFacebookLinkedInThe OPC YouTube Channel Episode Transcript:Stephan Neff 0:00  One in three people have got chemical addictions. One in three. How many people are scrolling for hours on their social media? These are all dopamine quick hits, your likes, your, whatever you post out there. Oh, look at me, I'm looking so good. That's all a heap of B.S. because ultimately, it's nothing else than a form of addiction.Lesley Logan 0:24  Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.Lesley Logan 1:07  All right, loves, I'm so excited for today's episode. We had so much to talk about, so I'm gonna make this intro super quick and grab a pen, paper, because there are so many little nuggets of like, oh, I need to do that. Oh, I need to do that. And I think you'll really like it. So Stephan Neff is our guest toda. We are going to talk about all the ups and downs, trials, tribulations of losing a job, losing a marriage, changing your life, and then also, I just love when I ask people what they're excited about right now, because they can learn so much more, and truly, so many, be it action items in here for you. There's something for everyone. So, here you go. Lesley Logan 1:39  All right, Be It babe. I'm really excited that I get to have another conversation with our guest today. I've been on his amazing podcast, and now he's going to be here on mine. Stephan Neff, can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock at? Stephan Neff 1:49  Oh, thank you very much, Lesley, for giving me the privilege and the honor to be a guest on your show. I'm Stephan, I'm anesthetist. I'm a functional medicine specialist. I'm also a life coach. I'm a yoga instructor. I've got all kind of hats, like hypnotherapy and I've studied that. So I am addicted to becoming the best version of myself, and I've had many opportunities in my life to make choices that were not so great with hindsight, so I had more trauma than I would wish on my worst enemy, and in turn, I have investigated the effects of alcohol, of renzodiazepines, of sex, of a lot of coping mechanisms, food, for that matter. So workaholics, see, the moment I start talking, the more holics are coming to my mind. Because it's not just one escape mechanism. It's not just one thing that you try, you so dabble in many things. I was lucky because being in Germany, England, New Zealand, I was not exposed to various epidemics the United States have seen, and I was never really tempted by harder drugs that whatever, whoever is guiding here this game, they guided me away from those things. And for that, I need to be really, really grateful. However, I became a master escape artist with all the other things. And unfortunately, yes, they work for a little while, because they take away your pain, but ultimately they catch up with you and these demons, they are riding you deep inside. And again, I have been in situations which allowed me to grow so in other words, about 1011, years ago, I ended up in rehab that stopped my alcohol, and that was one of the best things that could have happened to me. Now, at the time, I was certainly not agreeing with that statement, but nowadays, I strongly believe every 18-year-old needed to be in rehab for a month. I think I would make that mandatory on actually, even before you go into college, even before, a 15-year-old, that's probably a better time to actually just learn about your emotions, learn about your feelings, learn about.Lesley Logan 4:24  What if there's a summer camp for emotions like, what if that's what everyone had to do at 15? I'm in. I think so, too, because it's true. I think most of the different addictions that we have are because we are unsure how to regulate or understand the emotions we're feeling, or we were not allowed to feel them, and so we don't know how to feel them, and so we figure out a different way to not feel. Workaholics get away with that addiction because, you know, except that they're annoying to their family, and their family's never to see them. It doesn't seem to be harmful. In air quotes. So unfortunately, the people who have. The addictions to alcohol and drugs, we look down on that like, oh, my God, how could they have let themselves get involved in those things? Stephan Neff 5:06  Which is ludicrous, Lesley, if you think about it, one in three people have got chemical addictions. One in three. How many people are scrolling for hours on their social media? These are all dopamine quick hits, your likes, your whatever you post out there. Oh, look at me. I'm looking so good. That's all a heap of B.S. because ultimately, it's nothing else than a form of addiction. Lesley Logan 5:33  Well, and it's also so hard because everything out there, there are lots of people who are helping your addiction along. So, you know, I mean, in the States, recently, we've heard about who was arrested in the Matthew Perry loss. And yes, he is addicted, and yes, he's the person who's like, doing the drugs and having been to multiple rehabs, and all these things, but the people around him that facilitated that addiction to continue, you know, and I'm not saying that if you'd switch people like that wouldn't happen with other people, but with your social media scrolling, they make sure you stay on. There's all these different things. And so I love the idea of a 15-year-old or an 18-year-old. My goodness, every so many years it's like we have to go do a CPR test every two years. Maybe you also have to just do a little check in on how are you regulating your emotions? Are you doing that? Because there's going to be times in your life where it's not going to go well, and you could be the best regulator in the world that need help. Stephan Neff 6:30  And but that is a privilege, and that is a something. I mean, gratitude is nowadays playing so much a role in my life due to the many traumas and the lessons I had to learn the hard way, and I'm very grateful for them nowadays, and you're so right, things don't end up in all peachy sort of Hollywood ending. It does not. I'm 58. Now, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I'm stronger than I have ever been in the last 30 years, probably emotionally, spiritually than ever in my life. Now, in reality, I have lost my job as an anesthetist. I'm going through a not nice divorce. My children have moved on in their own lives, and they are now overseas, far away, so I'm not getting the good old center support that maybe I deserve, want, need, and so there is a hard time here. But if there's one thing that I have had to learn, that I had the privilege to learn, is that there is a sense behind that suffering, and Viktor Frankl and many other far more clever people than me, before me have expressed that, and it is so hard, it sounds like a cliche. It sounds like something weird, but ultimately, it is a skill, just as much as you have a skill of maybe playing an instrument or going to the gym, being able to lift a certain amount of weight in a certain style, these are all skills that you have acquired. Now, I have acquired many of these skills, but also I have had to acquire some very powerful skills that allow me to regulate my emotions in a beautiful way. Indeed, going through the divorce and losing my job, losing my identity. I mean, I, who are you? I'm Dr. Neff von Stephan. I'm an anesthetist in blah, blah, there and there, well, take all that away. Who are you left with? And many men don't know that answer. They never ask themselves these answers until maybe trauma, physical trauma, stops them being the master carpenter or the mechanic or whatever they identify themselves. I've had so many soldiers on my show who were top alpha predators, and then were on the receiving end of a machine gun. And then, surprise, surprise, their body was no longer alpha. Theirs was not even omega. It was a heap of minced meat. And then, who are they? Lesley Logan 9:16  Who are you? Yeah. Stephan Neff 9:17  And so many men and women suffer from that, and I had the privilege of repeated traumas that forced me to ask those questions and come up with answers, solutions and the right steps forward.Lesley Logan 9:32  Yeah, many years ago, someone said you can't take someone's rock bottom away, right? And because you're trying to help people, and sometimes we're trying to help people. Of course, we should all be helpful, but sometimes people go into their own detriment trying to help someone, trying to make someone better, or see the light or take something away, and it's like some of those rock bottoms are exactly the thing they need to go through so they can learn who they are, so they can handle the next thing. Because I'm sorry to hear about all of those things. It sounds like there is like one and then a space between, and then another. And it sounds like because of one, you might be able to actually handle the next one. Like the divorce is awful, but because you learned how to regulate and feel your emotions and talk about who you are and go through those things, was that helpful when the divorce happened? Or am I, were they all at one time?Stephan Neff 10:22  No, sometimes you wonder if the gods out there in the pantheon are just sitting there and thinking, Stephan, he's doing far too well. What shall we throw at him? And then everyone pikes up. Ah, monkey pox. No, no, no. Divorce. Around with the children. They say, you know what we do, all of them at the same time. Yeah, see how it copes.Lesley Logan 10:43  Oh, my God. Are you watching, I don't know if you have it in New Zealand, there is a show on Netflix called Chaos. It's about the gods. If you can get it, it is worthwhile, because that is exactly what they're doing.Stephan Neff 11:01  I'm sure some writer had a dream about me, and thought, oh, I we're gonna make that show. I want some royalties here. Lesley Logan 11:09  Yeah, yeah.Stephan Neff 11:10  But there's this, shit will happen, and I ended up in quite a dark space over the end of last year and start of this year, and when I did some courses which forced me to live with my emotions, some radical compassion courses, things like that, where I had to learn how to really live with my emotions, not just run away from them, but actually be there, feel them, pour oil onto the fire and be there, feel it, and then afterwards, learn how to calm down and learn how to nurture myself. It was so beautiful. It was one of the hardest courses I've ever done, but that was what allowed me to be here and speak to you today. Many a times, when I thought, well, is my life really worthwhile? I'm fat, ugly, I'm a failure. You know, all these kind of I ams that are coming up, these voices? Now, fact is, we all have got about 80,000 thereabouts thoughts every day. Of these 80,000 about 80% are negative, and mine had a volume cranked up to max. Now we all have them, and that is a problem, because this is all a heap of B.S. that your body is telling you, either focusing far too much onto the history which is gone. You should learn from your mistakes. You should learn from history to prevent making the same mistakes again. You could talk now into politics big time in your country, but we won't go there. Stephan Neff 11:11  Stephan, trust me, every day, I'm like these people need to fucking read a history book. What is happening here? But here's the deal. Then we have talked about education in this country, and that's another mountain to climb, so.Stephan Neff 12:59  Exactly. I think the same applies for us as human beings. Never forget where you came from. Never forget the lessons from the past, but do not relive the hardships or the sadness, unless you need a relief valve. I, oh my God, end of last year, I went to a counselor, just because, you know, that's really the clever thing to do, because these people sort of can see what you're saying, can listen to you, and can also listen to what you're not saying.Lesley Logan 13:41  Yeah, they're talented. So great.Stephan Neff 13:46  So I had this wonderful woman, which I knew. So I said, like, you know that's what I'm going through. And she said, wow, okay, so how is your loss and grief? I said, which loss and grief? I didn't lose anyone? And she just looked at me, you just lost your wife of 27 years. I thought, huh, okay. And so there was a loss and grief, but I never allowed myself to feel that, and it was interesting for me that a song recently triggered me, and that was absolutely amazing, because that song allowed me suddenly to cry, to really sob, snot, tears, you know, you name it, it came out, but it took me the better part of what, eight months, what is it now? September. That was only really in August. So we're talking 10 months, really, in which I was the stoic survivor, in which I did what I had to do. And that's one of the key things. You have to take action in order to live your life. And the harder it gets, the more action you have to take. So I did all the right things, but I neglected that one emotion, and when it finally came out, it was so beautiful. It was so beautiful to cry. It was so beautiful to feel whole again, because, yes, I can journal every day and write down the things that give me the highest anxiety, and take them off immediately, those things that I take for granted that becomes my win list. So I'm actually writing down pretty minuscule things, but these are all things that maybe previously I would have procrastinated about, etc. And here, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, and I write win, little wins next to it. And if I achieve something really big, which I didn't think big win. So I do all that. Yet, whilst I took the right action, there was still so many things that needed to be addressed, and there was this emotion, and it was there. It's beautiful. Lesley Logan 15:57  I think I love that you're sharing, because it's so easy. I got my tools, I'm doing my things, I'm doing the work, I'm, whatever the work is for you, but I'm not surprised that grief was an emotion you weren't letting yourself feel because it's not an emotion any of us are taught how to deal with. We don't handle grief well, and there's not a model for it, right? If you don't lose someone or have grief when you're a child and it's not modeled correctly, we don't really know. We don't really see how to do that. And then if you see a parent or person who handles grief terribly, they get angry, they bottle it up, they don't process it, then you learn you can't even, you can't express it. And then most people, what do they say? Oh, you'll feel better in time. There's not a lot of great examples of feeling grief, and we also think grief only comes if we lose like a family member. We are not realizing, you lose your job, that's grief, Stephan, because you're grieving what the future that you thought about was, what did you think that was? Like, we moved to Las Vegas, and that was a beautiful, exciting goal that we had, but also it came so suddenly and when it happened during the pandemic that I remember working with my therapist about grieving my L.A. life, not because I wasn't happy in Vegas, but just the day to day that made me feel like me was gone and I had to start over. And your brain, the way grief works, expecting this thing. Oh, I went for a run to the next, Oh, there's no Starbucks here. Even though that sounds silly, that was, part of my day was saying hi to the same five people, seen running with my best friend. There's a grief there. And I think we don't allow ourselves to grieve what could have been when situations don't go well, and we think it makes us something weak, or makes us feel like we're stuck on the path. And really it's giving that space, and going back to the Greeks, like letting that float down the river, like giving it a celebration, right? I think that that is a huge step. It's something that I'm really, and I'm really, I don't know, I'm really stuck on this in this moment.Stephan Neff 17:52  And I guess there's a message there for you, because obviously I've triggered you. And hopefully after the show, you can reflect on that, and can actually see, ah, okay, what's waiting now to be released, what opening is coming up for me to learn something new about me, because that's really the chance that we have got every single day, and we squander so many of these chances we take our life for granted. Two years ago, my life well, from the outside, I was at a pinnacle. You know, I was I made an very, very beautiful income. I had a big house, I had a pool, I had a wife, I had two kids. From outside, hey, you know, on the inside, I was not a happy man, but it was so grumbling and so chronic that I didn't see how unsatisfied my needs were as a man in my marriage, and the same is probably to be said for my wife, her needs were not met and we were unable to express our respective love languages we wouldn't have known them if they would have bitten us in the ass. It is those kind of things, you know. It is those kind of things that ultimately make you unhappy, make you unsatisfied. You're searching for this mission, you're certain, searching for this purpose in your life that you have not yet found. And I think by going through trauma and being forced to change, you get outside of your comfort zone, you experience fear. And if you look at any successful, truly successful person who's got their shit together, then you will see that they have gone through tremendous amounts of trauma, through tremendous amounts of heartbreak, that in their business, they have failed and were sometimes completely, how do you call it in America where everything is taken away from you? You lose your house, you lose your.Lesley Logan 20:01  Bankruptcy, yes, yes, yes. Stephan Neff 20:03  Yes, exactly. Ultimately, many men and women have gone through such scenarios, but those who are successful are those people who have learned and are willing to learn from such trauma. I call it trauma. Trauma is sometimes a word that is. Lesley Logan 20:21  I think there's little T and there's big T, and I also think it's fine they've gone through some sort of like life experience that has flipped them things upside down. Look at Oprah. We forget what her life was like. We forget who she was before she was Oprah. And so you're completely right. And I guess our life is always evolving. And I think your life is a perfect example of it's not like life's a roller coaster, but it's like an ebb and flow. There's like, these highs, these lows, and what we do with the lows to get to the highs really matters. And how we, actually, it sounds like you educate yourself in a low so that you can, like you go through these highs. But now, with this new life change, like, how do you find yourself being it till you see it to the person you want to be on the other side of all this, what are the tools you're using, or what are the or how are you figuring it out as we go?Stephan Neff 21:06  Righty-ho, so over the next three hours where let's talk about. No, no. I give you, I show you one tool, actually, that I've used very, very frequently in the recent months. And it is actually very easy to do. It comes in various versions, but I use my right hand and put it on the dead shoulder. That hand onto that shoulder. I squeeze as hard as I can and say, Stephan, I love you. You're a good man. You're going through shit. I absolutely love you to bits. You are strong. You are a good man. Shit is happening, but you're a good man. Don't forget that. And I do that for 15, 20 seconds, and I'm renowned for my bear hugs to those people who I love, and you never show this love that you show others to yourself. You're a mean bastard to yourself. You speak to yourself in a way that you wouldn't speak to your worst enemy. And I force myself to actually love myself. Warts and all. And I think that sometimes gives me that hug, gives me that release, gives me that reassurance, where I am getting stronger and I feel the panic and the anxiety running away. We already spoke about writing things down. What I shared with you was the win list, because we always look at our failures. We never look at our wins. And I want to celebrate every win. In order to do so, I need to celebrate every chance I get. In order to do that, I need to celebrate being here. I need to be celebrating that I'm here in this moment. I'm not distracting myself, I'm not escaping. I'm living this moment and I live it with joy. I live it I'm here with you, 100% intentional, and I enjoy every second have I had in the past a fear of public speaking? Hell, yes. Are we talking about some quite, you know, not things that I'm not so happy and proud about, and now I'm sharing it with a few thousand, 10,000 million viewers. Well, okay, talk about that. Do you think me showing up is a win? Well, 80% of success is showing up. Me, actually, jumping over my fear and actually just being here, exposing myself to my fear of public, speaking of whatever it is, and suddenly realizing, actually, you know, I'm not eaten up by some magic force or some saber tooth tiger has killed me, although my body inside and all the responses of fight and flight coming onto this show, but now it is those kind of things, so the gratitude and the realization that this is a privilege that you are living. Yes, it's a shitty day here. Look outside. It's raining. Damn. Many of my friends are no longer here, but due to disease or trauma or violent deaths, well, you know, it's a privilege to be here, so be grateful and practice that. And you need to just, you actually need to do that. Practice it, because it doesn't come naturally to many of us. Lesley Logan 24:47  Right, right. Stephan Neff 24:48  So practice those things. And then the most important bit is finally stop for a moment and actually try to figure out who you want to be when you grow up. Create that dream in your mind, and dream means leery, flary things that are going on in your head. So if you say, okay, I am 58 now, and I haven't found true love in my life. So if I say, okay, I want to find true love. Well, that's nice. You can think of Valentine hearts, or you can say, what does that actually look like? Okay, there is, there needs to be a partner. This partner probably needs to understand my needs. Or for that, I need to be able to learn how to communicate my needs, but then I need to understand what are my needs? There's a bit of work waiting here to actually figure out what is your dream. Now, that dream, it's nebulous. Please change your dream to a vision by becoming very, very, very clear. So I want to have this dream partner. Okay, how does she need to look like? Well, maybe not the best question that you want to ask, because she might come in a very different package, but it has, it's everything that you need. So maybe a different question might be, which features should she have, which emotions, which style, what makes her burst into laughter and in turn infect you with joy? And then you have to figure out, okay, what affects you or infects you with joy. So what is your joy? So it's those kind of things. So once you've nailed it down, go to the next feature, to the next feature, until you dream that nebulism something has become a very clear vision. And now you need to take action. And that is the cool thing, but not action on that. Don't take someone and try to somehow mold that someone. No, take action on the input and say, okay, I want this loving relationship. So what would I do now? Right now? What ideas, five ideas that would make this relationship with this person a better thing. What input can I put there? What does she need? She needs to be supported. Okay. And how does that work? She needs to know that I will not run away. Well, fair call. Let's do something on that. Or she always feels alone that she is doing all the work in the house. Fine. Let me put that rubbish out, let me paint that corner, let me fix that part of the house, whatever it is. I can control the input. I can't control the output. I can't control the end result, but I can show up and do my best, and that is a beautiful skill. Lesley Logan 27:44  I really love your way of being it till you see it. It's like we always work backwards here. We love that, so that's great. But I also loved how it turned into like, the things you're looking for, you have to know more about yourself so that you can spot it when you got it, because people can't read your mind, and you could say, I want a supportive partner, and then you meet someone whose idea of supporting is financial, but what you really meant was emotional. Well, it doesn't matter. I need to be supportive. I am supporting you, and it's because words matter and we need to be specific. So I think that there's just so many different ways. We just had a coaching call with our group, and this girl wants to open a studio. She's like, where do I start? And I was like, well, what kind of studio do you want? What does that look like? What's happening in the studio? How busy is it? Is our teachers there, like, I can't tell you how to open a studio if I don't know what we're opening because then it's like, you go get a building, you get a lawyer. First of all, it's not inspiring. Second of all, what order of those steps is going to change based on all the things you have to know, what it is that you're wanting to open for us to go with the first action step. So I really, really think that that is so cool. What are you most excited about right now? Stephan Neff 28:57  Well, my house is going on the market, and this house, this town, has a lot of memories, many of them beautiful, many of them not so. So, by all I know, in four days time the house is sold, and then what will happen? And I've got a Toyota Estima, sort of a gray people-mover, kind of soccer mom kind of thing. I've turned that into a Batmobile. So I've ripped out the interior. I've turned that into a stealth camper, into basically an RV. Lesley Logan 29:30  So cool.Stephan Neff 29:32  That was quite a cool thing, something, you know, I'm 58 and I'm a doctor, for crying out loud. I focused my skills on a very different skill set by my experience in different skill sets, not necessarily DIY, not necessarily building. So I had to learn auto electronics and how the car works on the inside, etc. So I did that. So that was cool. I was really enjoying finding things that give me joy. And it was a surprising journey, because. You, those things that gave me joy in the past were no longer as beautiful, and I found new ways of creativity, new ways of looking forward to projects that maybe will increase my wealth again. Any divorce is hugely detrimental to anything. So there's a good reason that I changed my house to a car to actually just recover financially, but that is all part and parcel. So here we are. There are those people who have forever dreamt of the RV lifestyle, of downsizing, of those kind of things. I'm forced to do it, but I choose not to look at it as being forced, but I choose it as an opportunity to see that beautiful New Zealand and actually build up my private practice in functional medicine and. Lesley Logan 30:50  Have you been to Gisborne? Stephan Neff 30:52  Yes, I have. Yes. Lesley Logan 30:53  So that's the first light of day. I feel like you have to go there in your RV. If you do, we have a lovely friend there who likes to serve.Stephan Neff 31:02  Like Gisborne, Napier, there are so many beautiful places here. So I'm looking forward to doing that and in the process of finding myself, of finding out more about me, focusing more on one thing. This, the journey of divorce and getting rid of a house is incredibly disruptive to all your creative things. I was lucky because I was putting all my creativity in designing a very tiny home, and it was beautiful. But now it's time to bring that creativity to the next project. May it be, well, part of it probably will be somewhere, a rundown house that I will renovate and bring up just to a really lovely standard. Lesley Logan 31:46  You know, when you live in it, because we, we live in our van from time to time, and we lived in a tiny apartment before our house. Our van is not finished by any stretch of the imagination. I'm glad we didn't, because we would have made changes. And so what I think is really fun for you is the next house you get, even if it's small, you will, based on what you like and don't like in your RV life, you will make changes so that your home has the things you want at the home versus what you have. So then you'll have two homes, and you'll have one you can travel like it's mobile, and then you'll have one that's a sanctuary. I think it's so cool. Yeah. Stephan Neff 32:09  So, so, instead of saying I've lost my house now, I've lost my life, I have gained freedom. I have gained a new way of life that probably injects quite a bit of you back into me. I have the opportunity to explore new things. For example, I love juggling. I love spitting fires, so I studied circus arts when I was a younger man. Lesley Logan 32:46  That's so funny. That's not what I thought you were gonna say.Stephan Neff 32:49  But I know that there's a group of jugglers around New Zealand. They meet, typically on the full moon, on the beach somewhere, and have fire and juggle and things like that. And I always thought, oh, wouldn't that be cool? Then it was always the I need to work next day, and I'm busy and there's all that. Well now I have got that freedom to actually do that. Get back into it. Well, I haven't juggled for quarter of a century. I'm sure I will find it again, and I'm sure I will find new ways of finding joy. In finding those new ways, it is likely that I come across people who really infuse me. And who knows, there might be true love waiting there, true love in whatever form and shape it comes. These are all gifts that have come out of trauma, just as much as I have become the phoenix rising out of the ashes again and again over my lifetime. I just didn't expect it that I'll do it with 58 again. But hey, you do what. A man has got to do what a man has got to do. But I take it as a challenge. I take it as an opportunity as, I take it as a positive thing, and that is the only thing, the only true thing that works when it comes to the challenges in life, that you are able to find the meaning, a purpose, a sense in your suffering, that you accept what is happening, that you practice radical self-compassion, that you take ownership when it is due, that you learn to analyze when someone maybe was gaslighting you or was bullshitting you, or the whole kind of messages subliminal that you had been fed, maybe throughout your life, that you're actually able to start analyzing them and say, well, that's actually a heap of B.S. but that is actually not true. I'm not a failure. You know, for 50 something years, I thought I'm a failure. That's my rundown. Now, it helped me to focus and work harder. But to actually say, actually, no, I'm not a failure. I'm resilient, I'm resourceful, I am a survivor, I'm a thriver. I am lovable, I am worthy to learn. I wrote on my website, I wrote an article about the Power of I Am, and it's so important that we use that power, because it's the shortcut to your subconscious. So instead of being the bearded lady in the circus, why don't you start becoming the ring master and actually decide what is happening in your show, in your circus. Okay, you can actually control your thoughts. You can be far more mindful as far as what is happening up there, and that will make you stronger, that will make you a better human. And in turn, you will attract better humans. Inadvertently, or maybe on purpose, you will seek out a different group of people, not the naysayers, those people who give you good advice, for example, about finances when they are themselves, run down and have nothing. Lesley Logan 36:05  Yes, there's a lot of those around. Yeah.Stephan Neff 36:09  Isn't it? But you're an example, Lesley, you are out there. You have gone through your own trials and tribulation, but you haven't given up. And you keep going. And you keep showing up. You keep showing up on your show. And you're there to help others. You bring others on to infuse you. You open yourself up, in this case, by being very honest, and I was triggering you here on the show. So therefore I know you will grow, like it or lump it, by you showing up and making yourself vulnerable, you grow, and you will become a better version of Lesley than when the show started. How cool is that? I think we all can learn from that, isn't it? Lesley Logan 36:54  Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh. We could keep talking forever, but we're gonna take a brief break, and then we're gonna find out where people can listen to your show and read your books and all the amazing stuff. Lesley Logan 37:05  All right, Stephan, where do you like to hang out? Where can we send everyone if they have been inspired by what you've got? Stephan Neff 37:11  Please head over to neffinspiration.com. Neff, N-E-F-F, it's my surname, inspiration dot com, it's my website. From there, you have got links to my YouTube show. We are close now to 500 guests, and Lesley is one of them. You had some fantastic pearls of wisdom there. It's beautiful. So I'm growing through that show. I have in my creativity, written quite a few books, some of them no longer in print because I felt it's probably not so good. I've recently lost 30 kilogram and some of my books were dangerously good German cheesecakes. So that's a bit inappropriate. I still have that out there. I Lesley Logan 37:59  I mean, it's probably okay if people are addicted to cheesecake.Stephan Neff 38:03  I was always joking that because you bake them for such a long time that you bake all the calories out of them. I don't think that's true. I need to write a new recipe book.Lesley Logan 38:16  Okay, if our listeners hit you up for that cheesecake recipe, you have to give it to them.Stephan Neff 38:21  I can live with that. It's a baked German cheesecake. So it's great quality. It's a great taste. It's a little bit more work. I love it. The free books that can give you the most bang for the buck and the most value, I guess, is Steps to Sobriety. That is a book I've written. It's now coming out next month in its third edition. It is a memoir slash recipe book, How to look at recovery from addiction in a step wise, logical approach, and give you step by step way forward. The steps are essentially the 12 steps from AA, but I've taken the god out. I've taken many of those things out that maybe are a bit more difficult to swallow, and I've put it into a modern language, and have explained why these steps are actually a very good system. How to approach a failing business, for example, and I go into details there. So if you were to help a friend who is in trouble, like you are helping other Pilates teachers to create or maybe become better in their systems, well that's exactly you would actually do exactly the same steps as a 12-step program offers. So I'm using that approach. But then there are so many, so many other things that are typically happening, the trauma, the very predictable things, the depression, the mental health problems that will affect one in three of us. So you might as well learn something about it. When you drive a car, you learn how to change a tire, because sooner or later, you have to. But not one of us ever learns the signs and symptoms of depression or how, what is, what help is out there. So, Steps to S,obriety is really a beautiful mental health book in an overall, over encompassing kind of way. I've had another book out, Depression Lied To Me, in which I had the honor of having 14 female storytellers who were sharing their stories about how depression lied to them. And it's wonderful, because depression, as many other mental health problems, they come in all shapes and forms. They come in all disguises. Yet there are common themes, and yet there are the same kind of bullshit lies that these mental health problems tell us. Let there be addiction, let there be depression, etc. To hear 14 different women talk about their experience has been a very enriching insight for me. And last but not least, I will republish Esmee The Mindful Mouse, because I believe that if we start earlier on in life, if we start creating strong, little humans, it's much easier than repair broken adults. So therefore, why should we not start teaching mindfulness at an early stage? And I've written a beautiful, written and photographed and produced with a friend, a beautiful book about this little mouse who lives in our beautiful redwood forest here, and who is vivacious, but with her vivaciousness also sometimes makes her friends angry, and she needs to find out the difference between, am I a bad mouse, or have I done something bad that has angered someone else? Again coming back to the power of I am and, needless to say, her friends love her for who she is, but she needs to learn that lesson, and you will find links to all those books and more a neffinspiration.com so check it out, guys, but first, please press the like and subscribe button on Lesley's show, because that's so bloody important, because we all grow with algorithms on YouTube and other places, and if you've heard something cool today, hopefully it will enrich your life, but also send it to someone else, and send a link to Lesley show so that they can get better insights and we grow and start becoming this community of growing people.Lesley Logan 42:37  Thank you for that. Please do all of those things everyone. You've given us a bunch already. I feel like, so feel free to repeat something you've said, because I feel like you did. But there are so many gems of like, how we could be it till you see it, but bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps, the action someone can take, if they're like, yes, okay, what can they do next? What would you like them to do?Stephan Neff 42:57  Immediately now, I want you to give yourself a hug. I want you to actually give yourself a hug and spend 15 seconds with yourself just after the show is finished, immediately, 15 seconds, if it is safe to do so if you're driving, maybe not, okay? Maybe pull over, okay? But I want you to close your eyes and be with yourself and whatever is happening with you, whatever goes through your mind, whatever is happening, I want you to give yourself a big bear hug and just accept you for who you are, that beautiful human being who is probably going through some shit, because otherwise you wouldn't listen to a show like this. You would be distracted with living this most beautiful, suckering, sweet Coca Cola advertisement life, which, yeah, how about that? Okay, no, I want you to be real, and I want you to show compassion to yourself, because it all starts with that, yeah, just to tell that inner child of you, to tell that that right now, big child that is sitting there or standing there, whoever is around you, just give yourself that big hug, squeeze as hard as you can, and tell yourself, I love you. Lesley Logan 44:17  That's beautiful. Thank you so much. You guys, go give yourself a hug, and then please make sure that you share this with a friend. And if you have takeaways, please tag Stephan. Tag the Be It Pod. We want to hear them. We want to celebrate what you're doing. Y'all, you heard him say wins all the time. We actually have a wins episode that comes out on Fridays where we love to celebrate your wins. You can actually send them in and we read them out loud, so that sometimes when you hear your own win, it's on a day you really need a reminder that you had a win recently, and until next time, Be It Till You See It. Lesley Logan 44:50  That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.Brad Crowell 45:33  It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.Lesley Logan 45:38  It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.Brad Crowell 45:42  Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.Lesley Logan 45:49  Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.Brad Crowell 45:53  Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/be-it-till-you-see-it/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Intuitive Customer - Improve Your Customer Experience To Gain Growth
The Psychology Of Discounts: Are You Inadvertently Training Your Customers?

The Intuitive Customer - Improve Your Customer Experience To Gain Growth

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2025 29:18


Discounting—it feels like a surefire way to attract customers, right? Everyone loves a good bargain. But what happens when discounts stop being a tool and start becoming an expectation? In this episode, Colin Shaw and Professor Ryan Hamilton dive into the dangerous addiction of price discounting—how it lures in customers, why businesses struggle to stop, and the long-term damage it can do to your brand and bottom line. You'll hear painful stories of businesses that have trained their customers never to pay full price, the psychology behind why discounts are so irresistible, and why, if you're not careful, your company could end up hooked on discounting like a bad habit. This episode is packed with insights, humor, and practical advice you won't want to miss! Best Quote from the Episode: "We knew we had a problem when one of the executives said, ‘This is like heroin—we can't stop!'" Key Takeaways: ✅ Discounting Works—But Be Careful! Customers love a good deal, and discounts create instant excitement. But if you do it too often, you're not just offering savings—you're training customers to expect them. ✅ Reference Points Matter A “Was $7, Now $5” deal feels like a win, even if $5 was always a fair price. Discounts give customers an anchor price, making them feel like they're getting a bargain—even if they're not. ✅ Big Numbers Win People respond more to “SAVE 30%” than “SAVE $2.” The bigger the number, the better the deal seems. ✅ The Thrill of the Hunt Shoppers love feeling like they “won” at shopping.  ✅ The Danger of Training Customers If customers know you'll discount every two weeks, they'll never pay full price again. Some companies become trapped in perpetual discounting cycles, losing profit just to keep customers coming back. ✅ Compete on Value, Not Just Price Apple doesn't run 50% off iPhone sales every Black Friday. Their customers pay full price because they believe in the value. If your business relies on discounts, ask yourself: Would customers still buy from us if we didn't offer them? ✅ Are You a Discount Addict? If discounts are your main strategy, it's time to rethink. Are you making real money, or just moving stock? If the answer makes you nervous, it's time for a change. Why You Should Listen: This episode is a must-listen for business leaders, marketers, and CX professionals who want to break free from the discount trap and build a pricing strategy that doesn't just attract customers—but actually makes money. About the Hosts: Colin Shaw is a LinkedIn 'Top Voice' with a massive 284,000 followers and 86,000 subscribers to his 'Why Customers Buy' newsletter. Shaw is named one of the world's 'Top 150 Business Influencers' by LinkedIn. His company, Beyond Philosophy LLC, has been selected four times by the Financial Times as a top management consultancy. Shaw is co-host of the top 1.5% podcast 'The Intuitive Customer'—with over 600,000 downloads—and author of eight best-sellers on customer experience, Shaw is a sought-after keynote speaker. Follow Colin on LinkedIn. Ryan Hamilton is a Professor of Marketing at Emory University's Goizueta Business School and co-author of 'The Intuitive Customer' book. An award-winning teacher and researcher in consumer psychology, he has been named one of Poets & Quants' "World's Best 40 B-School Profs Under 40." His research focuses on how brands, prices, and choice architecture influence shopper decision-making, and his findings have been published in top academic journals and covered by major media outlets like The New York Times and CNN. His work highlights how psychology can help firms better understand and serve their customers. Ryan has a new book launch in June 2025 called “The Growth Dilemma: Managing Your Brand When Different Customers Want Different Things” Harvard Business Press Follow Ryan on LinkedIn. Subscribe & Follow Apple Podcasts Spotify

The Intuitive Customer - Improve Your Customer Experience To Gain Growth
The Psychology Of Discounts: Are You Inadvertently Training Your Customers?

The Intuitive Customer - Improve Your Customer Experience To Gain Growth

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2025 29:18


Discounting—it feels like a surefire way to attract customers, right? Everyone loves a good bargain. But what happens when discounts stop being a tool and start becoming an expectation? In this episode, Colin Shaw and Professor Ryan Hamilton dive into the dangerous addiction of price discounting—how it lures in customers, why businesses struggle to stop, and the long-term damage it can do to your brand and bottom line. You'll hear painful stories of businesses that have trained their customers never to pay full price, the psychology behind why discounts are so irresistible, and why, if you're not careful, your company could end up hooked on discounting like a bad habit. This episode is packed with insights, humor, and practical advice you won't want to miss! Best Quote from the Episode: "We knew we had a problem when one of the executives said, ‘This is like heroin—we can't stop!'" Key Takeaways: ✅ Discounting Works—But Be Careful! Customers love a good deal, and discounts create instant excitement. But if you do it too often, you're not just offering savings—you're training customers to expect them. ✅ Reference Points Matter A “Was $7, Now $5” deal feels like a win, even if $5 was always a fair price. Discounts give customers an anchor price, making them feel like they're getting a bargain—even if they're not. ✅ Big Numbers Win People respond more to “SAVE 30%” than “SAVE $2.” The bigger the number, the better the deal seems. ✅ The Thrill of the Hunt Shoppers love feeling like they “won” at shopping.  ✅ The Danger of Training Customers If customers know you'll discount every two weeks, they'll never pay full price again. Some companies become trapped in perpetual discounting cycles, losing profit just to keep customers coming back. ✅ Compete on Value, Not Just Price Apple doesn't run 50% off iPhone sales every Black Friday. Their customers pay full price because they believe in the value. If your business relies on discounts, ask yourself: Would customers still buy from us if we didn't offer them? ✅ Are You a Discount Addict? If discounts are your main strategy, it's time to rethink. Are you making real money, or just moving stock? If the answer makes you nervous, it's time for a change. Why You Should Listen: This episode is a must-listen for business leaders, marketers, and CX professionals who want to break free from the discount trap and build a pricing strategy that doesn't just attract customers—but actually makes money. About the Hosts: Colin Shaw is a LinkedIn 'Top Voice' with a massive 284,000 followers and 86,000 subscribers to his 'Why Customers Buy' newsletter. Shaw is named one of the world's 'Top 150 Business Influencers' by LinkedIn. His company, Beyond Philosophy LLC, has been selected four times by the Financial Times as a top management consultancy. Shaw is co-host of the top 1.5% podcast 'The Intuitive Customer'—with over 600,000 downloads—and author of eight best-sellers on customer experience, Shaw is a sought-after keynote speaker. Follow Colin on LinkedIn. Ryan Hamilton is a Professor of Marketing at Emory University's Goizueta Business School and co-author of 'The Intuitive Customer' book. An award-winning teacher and researcher in consumer psychology, he has been named one of Poets & Quants' "World's Best 40 B-School Profs Under 40." His research focuses on how brands, prices, and choice architecture influence shopper decision-making, and his findings have been published in top academic journals and covered by major media outlets like The New York Times and CNN. His work highlights how psychology can help firms better understand and serve their customers. Ryan has a new book launch in June 2025 called “The Growth Dilemma: Managing Your Brand When Different Customers Want Different Things” Harvard Business Press Follow Ryan on LinkedIn. Subscribe & Follow Apple Podcasts Spotify

Mad Radio
Did the Giants Inadvertently KILL Offseason Hard Knocks?

Mad Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2025 10:24


Seth and Sean discuss Hard Knocks Offseason likely getting canceled after a struggle to find teams who want to do the show. Is this because the show made the Giants' front office look like idiots?

Notnerd Podcast: Tech Better
Ep. 476: A Wild Week in Social Media!

Notnerd Podcast: Tech Better

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 22, 2025 69:35


*Sorry about Nate's echo the first ~35 minutes, we did fix it after that. TikTok Bans, Meta Changes, and Little Red Book? The social media news has been fast and furious lately. We try to get caught up on it if that is even possible. Plus, with CES out of the way, there's plenty of other tech news to get caught up on. All so you can get out there and tech better! Watch on YouTube! INTRO (00:00) MAIN TOPIC: Social Media Madness (03:10) TikTok “Ban” - CapCut - Marvel Snap Conspiracies - Migration to Meta Servers, TikTok is CIA psyop Little Red Book Meta Community Notes Instagram 3 minute reels Meta announces a new CapCut rival called Edits X and Bluesky launch dedicated video feeds on the back of TikTok uncertainty Bluesky is getting its own photo-sharing app, Flashes DAVE'S PRO-TIP OF THE WEEK:  Hair conditioner as lotion, empty your pockets in the TSA line, use your horn. (25:30) JUST THE HEADLINES: (32:25) China to host world's first human-robot marathon Donald and Melania Trump launch a pair of meme coins China to build thorium molten-salt reactor in 2025 Intel suffers worst year since 1971 IPO Sonos CEO steps down following disastrous app redesign Instagram begins randomly showing users ai-generated images of themselves AI beats human experts at distinguishing American whiskey from Scotch TAKES: Apple Promotes Severance Season 2 with Lumon Industries pop up at Grand Central Terminal (37:40) Nintendo launches Switch 2 Trailer (41:00) Watch Duty, the crucial wildfire tracking app (45:25) How U.S. Forces and NASA could Inadvertently be Spying for China (47:55) Trump pardons, Ross Ulbricht, creator of Silk Road (53:55) BONUS ODD TAKE: Infinite Craft by Neal iOS app - Episode 426: Vision Quest Pro (55:10) PICKS OF THE WEEK: Dave: Insta360 Go 3S (57:25) Nate: TikTok - Crown Qu Selfie Stick Tripod (01:02:19) RAMAZON PURCHASE - Giveaway! (01:05:00)

AT Parenting Survival Podcast: Parenting | Child Anxiety | Child OCD | Kids & Family
PSP 401: Are We Inadvertently Contributing to Our Child's Helplessness?

AT Parenting Survival Podcast: Parenting | Child Anxiety | Child OCD | Kids & Family

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 14, 2025 39:25


We all want our kids with anxiety or OCD to believe in themselves. We want them to try hard things. We want them to push through their fears. But we only have so much control on how motivated they are to do those things to help themselves.We do, however, have control over how we show up to our child's battle with anxiety or OCD. When we over accommodate, over enable and cocoon our kids from all discomfort and failure, we rob them of the opportunity to develop resilience.It is a balancing act and it looks different for each child.In this week's episode of the AT Parenting Survival Podcast I talk about how to find the sweet spot of empowering our kids to face their anxiety or OCD, while not pushing them over the edge.

Just Science
Just Using Inadvertently Photographed Ridge Detail As Evidence

Just Science

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 22, 2024 40:00


In episode two of our Case Studies season, Just Science sat down with Tim Fayle, Training Capability Lead for IDEMIA Australasia and Chair of the International Association for Identification's Latent Print Certification Board, to discuss the utility of friction ridge detail inadvertently captured via photographs as a valuable and potentially underutilized type of evidence within a variety of case types. While the use of latent fingerprints recovered from crime scenes has been established as an important type of forensic evidence for decades, the increasingly widespread use of social media and other digital platforms has contributed to even more opportunities to garner friction ridge detail evidence following a crime. Practitioners and researchers alike have demonstrated the value of utilizing photographs presenting inadvertently captured finger and palm friction ridge detail – obtained via social media posts, other digital forums, and cellphone data – to identify perpetrators and help bring justice to victims. Listen along as Tim describes several cases where inadvertently photographed friction ridge detail was utilized to make an identification to a perpetrator, the various methods and techniques latent print examiners can add to their toolkit to analyze and compare this type of friction ridge detail, and his recommendations for ensuring this type of evidence is not overlooked or underutilized within future cases. This episode is funded by the National Institute of Justice's Forensic Technology Center of Excellence (Award No. 15PNIJ-21-GK-02192-MUMU).

The Will Anderson Show
Did Biden Inadvertently Help Trump On Russia?

The Will Anderson Show

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 20, 2024 34:23


Will and Russ discuss how Ukraine's increased leverage thanks to Biden's 11th hour move makes Trump's job easier.

ExplicitNovels
Cáel and the Manhattan Amazons: Part 20

ExplicitNovels

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 20, 2024


Of Funerals and Families; Part One In 25 parts, edited from the works of FinalStand. Listen and subscribe to the ► Podcast at Connected.. “Victory is neither pointless, fleeting, nor soon forgotten. It is yours.” I have been warned that my Uncle wants me dead. My Aunts want me for; other things." "What do they want?" E asked. It was the whole 'men as a true asset' problem for her. "The whole repository of nefariousness;” Pamela started to explain, but then, "Double Word Score!" Pamela and I exclaimed excitedly then 'high-fived'. Yes, you spiteful Cosmos, I had found my soul-mate and she was a near-octogenarian with a macabre sense of humor; who also had a telepathic ability to know my mind. E looked totally lost in the exchange. "Yes; the whole repository of nefariousness was created to be sterile," Pamela picked up the conversation. "Which makes the very existence of Cáel here very noteworthy; virtually inexplicable," she mused. "What have the labs at Havenstone think of this?" Rachel worried. "I refused to go back in for any more tests," I met her gaze. "But it could be important," E joined in. "I will make it easy on you both; I'm a horrible person. I'm the Head of House Ishara and I elect to not put my fate in the hands of the same people who leaked my very existence to the Illuminati during the first set of tests," I stated. "Which is why I'm here in Chicago burying my Father, in case any of you missed it." "Certainly knowing what is going on is more important than the risk of further exposure," E persisted. She got kudos for sticking to her guns. "Esmeralda, I work for Katrina Love, Head of Executive Services," I responded. "By that I mean I have this nifty little glass table in a corner of her office. Me stressing over my genetics isn't really important. Katrina is on the case and I haven't been out of college for two months yet. If the difference between Havenstone getting in a fight with the Illuminati and keeping the truce is my blood sample, she'll let me know," I added. "As far as Ishara is concerned, Havenstone had an information leak that got a house member killed." "Do you have other family?" E inquired hesitantly. "Blood kin? Not in this country and certainly not anyone I could name," I sighed. "I case you are wondering, there are a grand total of three members on Ishara's roster." "Is the rest of your family safe?" E was trying to sound upbeat. "Safe? Of course they are not safe. They both work for Executive Services, Esmeralda. They were 'Runners' who I inducted into Ishara. They are Amazons of the Host and that means never being safe this side of the cliffs. Friday morning I presented them to our ancestors and they were welcomed as equals; as sisters to those who have the blood of Mycenaeans on their hands," I turned to look out the window. "What was it like?" Tiger Lily inquired. "The induction." "If you are looking for a vision of a stone hall with thousands of war-like Amazons holding me in judgment, you'll be disappointed," I recalled. "I had to create the ceremony from scratch; ash, tears and blood. "I felt strong enough about that instinct I let Desiree slap me until I cried enough tears. With Desiree's knife, I cut myself, they cut themselves and our blood mixed," I finished. "That is not how it is done," Rachel corrected me. "No," I stopped. "It is not how you do it. House Ishara has come back from the void that waits for all those who are dead and have no one living to recall them," I explained. "We are not the other Houses. We are both Love and Oaths and there is a lack of respect for each of those virtues in this World." "I never considered Amazons as overly romantic, but we are true to our oaths," Esmeralda was starting to bask in the openness of the exchange. "I do not doubt the integrity of anyone in this vehicle, except for me," I gave her a weary grin. "The failure of oaths is mine. Ishara was bound by an Oath and has failed in her pledge. You are wrong about the romance and I am sure you have misunderstood my definition. I live for the day when no sons are sent to the cliffs as newborns; Love, Esmeralda. Love." The hush pressed upon us until Tiger Lily pulled up in front of the Hotel Burnham. Rachel, E, Charlotte (from the second GL) and I went in. I wave the others back as I went to the desk. Rachel and Charlotte had grey duffel bags with 'stuff' inside. E had my minimal kit. "Cáel Nyilas with Havenstone," I introduced myself. Yes, I was in 'prison' gear. "Director Nyilas; welcome to the Burnham," he recovered quickly. "Which rooms do you wish to use?" Thank you, Helena, no I'm a damn Director. He twisted the screen so I could see the list. Eleven doubles and a Lakeview Executive Suite with two adjoining Deluxe Suites. "We'll use those," I indicated the Executive/Deluxe/Deluxe. "Very good, Sir," he nodded. "Will you be ordering room service? I'm afraid the Atwood restaurant has closed for the evening." "Sounds like a plan," I looked at his name tag, "Steve, or do you prefer Mr. McCabe?" "Steve will do fine, Director;” Steve started. "I will make it easy on you Steve," I sighed. "Call me Cáel. All this Director crap is for the benefit of people I barely know. I am here, in my hometown, to bury my Father; who was murdered yesterday." Steve paled. "The FBI gave me these spiffy duds. If any law enforcement shows up asking for me, give me a ring first." "Nyilas; from Burnham? I read about that," Steve seemed bemused. "The day shift Assistant Manager is from Burnham too." How wonderful, I thought sarcastically. Steven sensed my waning interest. "Your keycards, Sir; Cáel and my sympathy for your loss." "Steve, never miss a chance to tell your loved ones how you feel," I took the cards. "That is my biggest regret with my Dad. I didn't think about it the last time we talked." Steve gave a final nod. I rejoined my group and headed for the elevator. The rest was a tired blur. The rest of the group showed up, including Pamela. I called Nicole to tell her the situation then called Timothy despite the late hour to make sure he was okay. Timothy informed me that two 'psycho-chicks' stopped by as a kind of 'meet and greet'. I hit the small hotel fitness center with Mona, the fourth member of Rachel's team. It helped. What helped more was the constant reminder that I worked with smart people. Mona's mother was dead as well, killed on an undisclosed mission with the SD when she was ten. She could understand my sense of grief and confusion. We didn't cry and hug. It wasn't something she could do with a man. Give a decade, or two and she might come around. Instead, "Thank you for Constanza," Mona said quietly to me as we exited the center. "I measure a person's life in the lives we save; as well as the ones we take," I enlightened her. Before that moment, I didn't really consider killing people to be all that praiseworthy an endeavor. Today I had been in a situation where my life had been in immediate danger. I was glad the other guy ended up dead. Since I was prepared to keep acting stupidly, I was grateful for those who would murder people so that I could remain both noble of purpose and alive. "She is close to me; she helped me grow up after Mom was gone," Mona opened up a tiny bit. "Aren't you a bit angry with me?" I asked. "Initially, I was very angry. Then I heard your words and I knew you spoke the truth of the matter," Mona exhaled. "She should have died. She deserved death for what she said." "No one;” I started to comfort Mona. "For a member of a Faith that exults in the harshness of martial conflict, you spend an inordinate amount of energy struggling to keep people alive," Mona noted. "I'm glad I helped deal with those Latin Kings now. It was a mission worth doing." "What?" I stumbled. "Didn't Buffy tell you?" Mona regarded me. She smirked. "Yeah, we hunted them down late Sunday night and into early Monday morning. I doubt the few who escaped will ever be back." "Why haven't I; anybody heard about this?" I worried. Mona looked at me somewhat perplexed. "Cáel of Ishara, we always take the bodies of murder victims, cut them up, place them in large drums of acid and ship them to Canada," Mona informed me. "Ah; thanks for telling me that. Let's both agree to not let Buffy know that I know, okay?" I requested. "She'll get an inordinate thrill thinking she knows something I don't." "As you wish, Cáel of Ishara," Mona nodded gravely.  (Tuesday Morning) Sexual addiction is somewhat like military service. It requires you to be alert to your surroundings, think on your feet, follow procedures and; most crucial to me; shows you how to remain functional with minimal sleep. In this case, five hours sufficed to clear out my cobwebs and make me incredibly horny. All of that was despite the layers of upsetting news being placed before me. Executive Services had gone over the feed from the four SD members. Inadvertently, Dad had fought on the 'right' side. The team leader died first. Her back-up put two men in the grave and wounded a third before they tossed a grenade on her. I looked at Charlotte as she gave me the news. We both had a 'what the' expression on our faces. Grenade? I kept doing my calisthenics. The second two-Amazon group killed three attackers on their side of the building then charged the back door. I wondered if Mom's Garden Dragon was okay. It was like a Garden Gnome, except it was a Dragon. Mom was odd that way. The attacking group had blown the front door and entered the first floor. The Amazons in the back decided to shoot out the lock instead. While transiting the kitchen moving forward, the second group took fire; from a Zastava M 21. I was confused. "It is a modern Serbian weapon," Charlotte filled in the blanks. "Dad was killed by Serbians?" I muttered. "No," Charlotte sighed. "No he wasn't." Another look from me as I started my standing push-ups. "That team member was wounded. The shooter was taken down by both of our teammates. At this point, three other attackers moved from your front room to the dining room, pinning our team down. That was when your father broke cover and assaulted the attackers. He had this large lamp and cracked it over the right shoulder of the closest man," Charlotte stated. I knew that light fixture Charlotte was talking about. It was a floor lamp, nearly two meters tall, made of glass and bronze. My physique was from my Father; broad shoulders and powerful arms. That 'large lamp' weighed over 30 kg and, powered by my father's upper body strength, I was betting the guy who was on the receiving end had have some of his bones snapped. "The man screamed in Bulgarian, his two companions turned to see what was happening and the Amazons advanced by fire toward your father," Charlotte continued. "Your father swung again," she looked at me, "connecting with the man's chest. In response, the other two shot him three times. He fell. The second team pressed forward, killing the man your Father wounded and wounding another. The last unhurt Amazon was killed trying to get to your Father while the survivor was concussed by the use of a second grenade. We don't have the video of what happened in the interim. When the last Amazon began moving again, the two remaining attackers had dragged your father out the front door. She pursued and fired. She wounded the undamaged attacker; and one of her bullets ended your Father's life. She was wounded in this last exchange of fire. The two men helped each other to a vehicle and left." I kept working out as I made an acceptable collage of my misery. "Does she know?" I whispered. "Does she; the Amazon? Her name is Sabina. I don't think she's been informed yet," Charlotte answered. "Unless it becomes necessary, don't tell her that her bullet killed my Father," I sighed. "The only thing that is important to me; to Ishara; is that she gave her all as did her sisters. My Father was killed by the men who first shot him. Had they escaped with my Father, they weren't taking him to a hospital, so he was as good as dead anyway. That is all that matters." "Yes Ishara," Charlotte responded with quiet reverence. Knowing nothing of Security Detail's procedure and tradition, I had tossed out an excuse to spare a valiant woman a terrible piece of news. Charlotte's demeanor suggested to me that it would be a kindness conveyed. A few minutes later, Rachel and Tiger Lily came in from their suite. Mona had been my guardian while I slept so she slept now. This was our signal to shower and put on some clothes before the group went downstairs for breakfast. Pamela presented herself as I was getting dressed. Esmeralda's arrival signaled our migration to the ground floor Atwood restaurant. As everyone glided into the elevator, I had a nostalgic moment for Odette. A normal, non-lethal, happy young lady. This all-encompassing seriousness around me was crimping my efforts to find the silver lining in this personal calamity. Ten seconds after exiting the elevator, Nicole angled toward us then we proceeded to breakfast. It took a little jockeying and refereeing by me to get the seating arrangements set. Nicole was on my left then Pamela. Rachel and E were on my right. Charlotte and Tiger Lily were across from me as orders were taken. "How are you holding up, Cáel?" Nicole put a hand on my lap. I had no immediate reply. "Lonely. Sad. Alone. Bereft of anger; it is pointless. I want to scream, rage, tear things up, throw things across the room and hear them shatter; but not really," I confessed. Suddenly, a strange essence infused my core. "No, that's wrong. I am not alone. We have suffered more, lived through worse and never wavered even in the face of death," I said in a ghostly whisper. That was really the last thing I wanted to say. Its origin was from an enigmatic corner of my mind I was resisting venturing into. 'Taking oneself to the cliffs' made a whole lot more sense suddenly. The Amazon prepared her daughters and granddaughters for her absence. She volunteered to make that trek. In her heart, she called out to her Ancestors to prepare them to accompany her on that final journey. That all sounded like comfortable spiritual mumbo-jumbo, safely quoted by a rational man under duress. The abyssal rift in that psycho-babble, makeshift patch over my emotional pain was I felt Vranus and Ishara standing at my shoulders. Vranus because his seemingly endless quest was finally resolved and he and his descendants would at last be welcomed into the halls of their kin. With me, he had succeeded and brought his people home. There was still the matter of the rest; the three sons of Arinniti and the elder warrior. Holy Crap; they were still out there, waiting to be shown the path home. My 'Evenly Holier Crap' moment was feeling the weight of the eyes of Ishara upon me. Not Ishara, the matron goddess of this; my House, but that ancient Amazon who had surrendered her personal name to oblivion to give her followers a sense of unity. No female was solely 'her' daughter; all the women of the house were equal in birth and station. It was that Ishara who stood at my shoulder and, beyond some perverse desire to look behind me to see how sexy she was, I felt I had her; not approval; her mandate. We had to be held to our oaths and would die to a woman (and man) for them. We were to give the Host a second chance to make things right. There would be no retreat. It was not in the Amazon psyche to fight the relentless, remorseless and bloody battle; to risk everything on victory with no thought of failure. It was not something guys were accustomed to, but had been the doom of men down through the ages. Whether too romantic, too stubborn, or too bound to our brother's in arms, men had embraced hopeless causes before; mostly perishing without fanfare yet with the exceptional impossible victory to give us hope. From time immemorial, male kin of the flesh and spirit had piled their corpses one upon the other, refusing the verdict of combat for the sake of brotherhood and every imaginable ideal. It was hardly a trait worth sharing with the sisters. They would understand the pieces; not the result. My lack of political ability would not be disability. I simply had to learn to fight; a lot better than I did at that moment. The echoes of this message inside my head, the chilled air that filled my lungs and balance restored to my heart was bizarrely unfrightening. It would be an affirmation of the 'first directive' oaths all the houses had sworn. It wasn't my place to raise all the 'Runners', or even a single one. It was my duty to initiate the 'Worthy', no matter their number. My actions were mine. I would not shame the other houses. I would not consider their prestige at all. It was not my place in the same way it was not their place to tell me what I could and couldn't do. It was a divine 'Go get 'em' and it felt pretty, freaking awesome. "Cáel, are you okay?" Nicole asked in a worried tone. She squeezed my thigh. I looked down at my hands. I was okay. "Nicole, I have the blood of Ahhiyawa champions on my hands. I feel it's sticky, sickening ichor and smell the copper-laden, metallic odor," I smiled. "I think I'm going to be just fine." "Who?" Nicole was even more concerned. "Someone who screwed with me a long, long time ago. They are all dead, but don't worry about the bodies showing up to bother anyone," I grinned. All the full-blooded Amazons had been very still. The word 'Ahhiyawa' appeared to scare them even more than my haunting actions. To the Amazons, the Ahhiyawa were the Mycenaeans in the time of the Iliad. The problem seemed to be that I had never heard any member of the Host use that term and I was suddenly curious as to why. "You seemed to have went away for a few seconds," Nicole joked lightly. "You do appear better rested, which is good. What is on the agenda for today?" "Get my Father's body, prepare for his cremation, arrange for the last Roman Catholic Church we attended to send somebody to the service and prepare my parent's plot," I ran down. "I imagine the police and feds will want to contact me again," I piled it on. "I want to see my home if the forensic guys let me. What do you think will be aimed at me?" "We'll check up on any family attorney you may have had along with probating your father's Will, if he had one," Nicole assured me. "As for the authorities, let's see what kind of warrants they are asking for before we move beyond a 'denial' defense." "Denial, as in me claiming I didn't do anything because, ya know, I didn't do anything," I gave her a sleepy smile. "How about we eat first?" We ordered, drank our coffee, tea and juices while remaining largely non-communicative. It wasn't until the food began arriving did I realize I'd 'misplaced' Pamela once more. As I tore into a big slab of ham, I looked over my surroundings for the first time. I gave myself a mental pat on the back when I spotted Pamela then the 'big picture' kicked me in the nuts. Pamela was dressed as a server, coasting about the room, filling drinks, getting appetizer and performing the tedious little chores that waiters and waitresses had to pull off flawlessly. The other wait-staff noticed Pamela, but since she was making their jobs easier and not taking their gratuities, they ignored her. They probably thought she was some industry expert. The plates were being cleared away when Pamela returned, back in normal clothing. She dumped a pile of ID's on the table. Nicole picked them up. "Chicago PD; Organized Crime Taskforce," Nicole read off then glanced to Pamela. "ATF, Homeland Security, FBI, FBI, Chicago PD; Homicide, Federal Marshall and Federal Marshall." "What?" Pamela said between bites of her veggie omelet. "I took their identification, not their wallets. Do you want me to go back for those too; and their keys?" "No. We have risked Mr. Nyilas' freedom enough for one meal," Nicole shot back. She took Tiger Lily's empty plate, dumped the ID's on it then covered the pile with her handkerchief. "Hello," this officious young lady greeted us. I'd been distracted by Nicole's malfeasance so I missed the hotel's new Assistant Manager's approach. It was turning out to be a great morning for visitations from my past. This ghost was much younger than the last ones. Our eyes met. It was easy to see that I was the man in charge being the only man at the table. "Director Nyilas, I hope everything is going well for you and your staff this morning," she smiled. "I would also like to convey the Hotel Burnham's condolences at the passing of your father. I too was born and raised in Burnham." I already knew where she'd lived most of her life. Most critically, I very strongly recalled where she'd gone to school; all 12 grades plus K. "Cameron Sanders," I stood and extended my hand across the table. "You look familiar." Of course she looked familiar. Cameron had publically ground my soul into the grit that ants stepped upon. Her verbal rejection had been a pivotal moment in my life. After that day, I had taken responsibility for my life both anatomically and academically. Recall how I had said I was once a 'nobody'. Here was living proof. Cameron and I had gone to the same schools from Kindergarten through our senior years. We'd even shared classes and it wasn't like I could be confused with all the other 'Cáels' we'd gone to school with; because there weren't any. The same goes for 'Nyilas'. I'd been shifting the boner in my pants for three solid years because of Cameron. She had been hot in high school and she was even better looking now; Brooke hot. For a second, my confidence wavered. In that heartbeat, I realized she was just another woman and I was no longer that guy. "Where you an upperclassman at Thornton Fractional North High School?" she queried. "Hmm; do you recall Jenny Forrester?" I countered. Cameron knew her African-American rival, no doubt. The tweak in her smile said as much. "I'm going out on a limb; you look like a DePaul girl." Cameron's eyes twinkled. Her eyes flitted down to where her class ring normally held court. She had taken it off for work neutrality. "How did you guess?" Cameron tilted her hip suggestively. Sex. "So I'm right?" I reposed. I had 'guessed' right because Cameron crowed about her decision to go to DePaul over all her other offers. "I have some family business to take care of, Cameron," I nodded. "Can we catch up later today and figure out where we've intersected before this morning?" Translation: I'm going to screw you. Not 'I want to', but 'I will'. I could normally figure out a woman in an evening. I had a three year backlog of data on poor Cameron. My Pivotal Goddess was an 'upfront' girl. Her façade was bravado backed by the fear of not measuring up; not being good enough. My mistake in High School was approaching her, hat in hand. Cameron felt best when someone took the tough choices away from her. If she didn't lead, she couldn't fail by her way of thinking. Dad had stood by me that night when he came home from work. I was a broken wreck of a teenage boy. Dad hadn't told me to toughen up and he hadn't been sympathetic. All he wanted to know was what I was going to do about it. What was 'I' going to do, as if I could be the master of my own fate. That was my Dad. The next day I started working out, eating better and taking better care of myself. He was dead; still dead yet my feelings over that had evolved. He was with my ancestors now, waiting for me and my sons and daughters. Looking at it that way, he wasn't really gone at all. "I'll see what can be done," Cameron smiled. I was going to eat her up. "Oh yeah, this plate was mistakenly delivered to my table," I indicated Pamela's illegal haul. "Could you see that it gets where it needs to go after we are gone?" Cameron shot me a sultry smile without even giving her task a casual glance. A hideous tip (kudos to Odette) was added to our over-priced bill and the ladies and I retired to our rooms. It was routine heading to our room. Mona waved us to silence. Then the 'bug hunt' began. Like every Amazon persecution of opposing 'life forms', they didn't play fair. The Amazons had placed electronic surveillance in the room before they left so when unwelcomed guests showed up while we ate and Mona 'slept' we could watch where they placed their goodies in our rooms. This was not a matter of throwing a fit and tossing the electronic devices down the garbage disposal. Oh no, not in Amazon battle lore. They found out what frequency your device was broadcasting on and backtracked it. According to Tiger Lily you can use a source point and a handheld device to triangulate the receiver. Then the fun begins. First, keep the original signal going. Put a subroutine of; oh, all kinds of credit card fraud in this case with the video file then call the appropriate law enforcement agency to bust the place. The subroutine would have no point of origin, so the Amazons would be safe. The spying agency would have a headache on their hands. Credit card fraud would require them to confiscate all the equipment because the threat posed was real, even if the tip was now suspect. This was the Amazon equivalent of fixating the enemy at one point; surveillance; while making their real move on another; the funeral. The average Amazon funeral was a private affair. My Security Detail was modifying plans for an Amazon dignitary's attendance of another Society member's funerary rites. Halfway through the deception plan, Special Agents Brock and John showed up at our door. With two law firms (Pratt's and Nicole's) dancing on their foreheads, they were being polite today and inviting me down to be questioned. I asked for Detective Lisa and Investigator Horace to be there. One: I didn't dictate who investigated me. Two: they were under Internal Affairs review. I agreed with 'one'; I would say 'nothing' to any number of highly qualified law enforcement operatives. I might give answers to the two I had mentioned. 'Two' was none of my affair. They could hope for some answers when they chose the review would be over. I was more than happy spending a lifetime not talking to them. Legalize was tossed around to the point Nicole yawned, pointed out none of them were attorney's with the United States District Court of the Northern District of Illinois; damn, that's some letterhead, and they could make no deals, grant no immunities, on their own. There was no talking to be done except for the ass-reaming the Court of Appeals was going to give both the Federal attorney who applied for the surveillance warrant and the judge who signed it. Low and behold, phones began ringing. As a patrol unit was making a raid on a room three floors down, a series of shots rang out. A gun battle ensued between the three armed men in the room, the two patrolmen (women actually) and the entire misfortunate event was caught on NBC Channel Five news. Occasionally I forget I work for fundamentally viciously sick fucks. My 'team' had sent the cops and the news crew to the spot and even supplied the ignorant housekeeper with the room card-key for the cops to break in with; a hotel room is not a private dwelling. Cops break in, do their 'freeze, we are the police' thing, but before the three feds in the room could reply, 'their' computer audio equipment let off a sound of bullets firing and ricochets echoing across the room. Nature took its course after that. The feds drew and both sides began shooting. No one died, but one ATF guy was going off to surgery. They would have all earned Purple Hearts if they had been in the military and a commendation no matter what; had two law enforcement agencies not shot each other up. The chase was on for the news crew who was desperately trying to get their station to show the footage before the feds grabbed the memory cards. Despite having had no part in that fiasco, Nicole immediately clued in that the moment our two feds ran off to help their comrades it was our time to leave. Did we go to the vehicles we came in? No. That would have exhibited a lack of paranoia my guardians would have found appalling. Two new car waited a block away. Had I been better at this game, I would have noticed the lack of functioning traffic cameras around us. Instead, I went begging to the local diocese of the Catholic Church. I plead my case. Mom and Dad were devout, raised me to be a devout Catholic yet when my Mother died, my father had never gotten over the trauma and me, being a young man, hadn't explored my spirituality yet; but I promised I'd get right on it when I returned to New York. The priest who handled the end of life stuff for the Church was sympathetic. He gave me the name of a local priest near my home I could talk to on my return. He also told me that he'd received a moving letter from a nun in Uganda about a deeply spiritual moment she had shared with me years ago, so he was onboard with giving my Dad a Catholic send-off. I wasn't sure if that was a sign to never touch a wannabe Nun again, or a reminder that nun's gave incredibly positive feedback on their sexual misadventures. I went with the latter. A few more calls, the choosing of the proper crematorium and I was through with the first part of that ordeal. Next came the funeral notification and invites. The Union would send some of Dad's closest co-workers and several neighbors said they'd show up as well. Flowers, clothes, wake; well, it couldn't be in my family home. The forensic team was gone and it was free for me to wander through, but the bullet holes and blood might put a damper on the ambience. In the midst of my worries, I got a call. A polite man named Winchell Sokolowsky offered me the Marshal Fields Jr. Mansion for my personal use. If there is any doubt, Chicago is Not the city of good Samaritans, the overly polite, or even the casually kind. Chicagoans pride themselves on being tough. We have plenty of good people who help out, volunteer and try to make life easier for their fellow man. That does not encompass giving a random stranger use of a multi-million dollar mansion. If I hadn't already been living in fantasy land, I'd have been busy figuring out which one of my few male friends was pulling this prank of on me, but no. "Can I inquire about the source of this largesse, Mr. Sokolowsky? Take in mind the incredible likelihood of a government agency most foul listening in," I cautioned him. "A family friend," he responded with an amused snort. Yeah, cause my Father's funeral was all chuckles for me. Since crab-women weren't likely to know owners of mansions, this had to be my aunts. Woot. "Thank you sir. My security people will be over to sweep the place before the city, state, or federal governments can crank out another search warrant. Thank you again." "That is not unexpected," Sokolowsky replied. "Until then." Rachel looked at me as if I'd done something absurd. She may have been right. "Did you just accept shelter from an individual we do not know; except that he is certainly part of the Protocols?" she stared at me. "Come on now," I chastised her. "It's for a funerary wake. I'm not taking three hundred of the lads out for a stroll, chasing savages up the Little Big Horn, or an Irishman deciding that Oliver Cromwell is a man of his word." I leaned in and winked to Rachel. "Besides Charlie; I got an angle." Pamela, who just happened to be walking by, gave me another high-five. Rachel was really learning to hate/dread those moments of synergy between Pamela and I. "I am not allowed to kill you and I am afraid I can't kill Pamela, but please don't think I don't want to do both," Rachel ratcheted up her displeasure. "Torn into itsy-bitsy pieces;” Pamela started. "And buried alive!" I finished. Another high-five. "You two are both insane," Rachel despaired. "That's the spirit," Pamela and my comeback to Rachel was in synch once again. To prove I wasn't heartless, I hugged Rachel. She froze, arms at her side, caught between warring impulses. I maneuvered her arms around until her hands rested on the back of my hips then rested mine on the small of her back. "Rachel, I cannot go back to a safe, faceless existence," I whispered as I planted tender kisses on her forehead. "To do so would be a betrayal of; me; Ishara." Rachel let go of her emotions and rested her head against my shoulder. "Why couldn't I be tasked to do something sane; like fight drug cartels, Maoist insurgence, or corporate hit squads in the Amazon?" she sighed. I moved my hands to her ass and gave them a nice fondle making sure to slowly grind her waist against my hips. Humping her would have been a mistake. That was sexual. I was giving her a bit of physical appreciation and nothing more. Rachel tilted her head up, I brought mine down until we were nose to nose. "Promise me you will try to stay alive, Cáel," she sounded almost mournful. "I will make a deal with you," I stated. "If I make it back to New York alive, you will consent to have sex with me." Rachel was confused, suspicious yet aroused. "None of this 'one hour' in some dormitory, or nunnery cell. I want everything; a light meal, some quality touching time and a minimum of two rounds of orgasmic sex." "Ah; not a scratch," Rachel counter-offered. I nodded, kissed her nose and she felt as if she'd won something. Rachel got ready to take us to our next stop. Pamela slipped past me. "Like shooting fish in a barrel," she whispered. I had never used that term out loud before. "That's what I would say," she clarified. She was my evil psychic twin grandmother. It was through a tireless group effort that I made it back to the Hotel Burnham at 4 p.m. Cameron made a show of being busy when I first came back. I was willing to be patient. While she puttered around, I flirted with the desk clerk and one of the baggage attendants; pale skin, blonde hair with freckles and light brown skin, black hair in a Nubian weave. This was the 'professional' lure. By presenting myself as a 'Man's Man' and garnering female adoration, I was clearly not (yet) that into her. The pressure was on her and Cameron didn't like pressure because pressure equated to the possibility of failure. Her advantages which were obvious to every other observer were not certainties to her. Contest time. "Director Cáel Nyilas," Cameron interrupted my joke to the two ladies, "I'm finished up for the day." I gave a quick smile to the women I was about to leave then turned on my personal demon. "Should I wait in the lounge until you change?" "No," I waved off her objections. "You can come up to my suite and then we can go to your domicile for you to change for a night out." Quick visual clue update: she lived at home with her parents yet dated enough that it wouldn't be awkward. It also showed me that she was uncomfortable about going to my room. She wasn't so enchanted she would do something stupid. I had the answer to that. I had made it a public declaration. Not only did my hovering troop had the news, so did her front desk. Nothing bad could happen to her if everyone knew where she was; right? On the elevator ride up it was just me, Cameron, Pamela and Esmeralda. The rest travelled on ahead. She took one rear corner so I took the other. I then let my leather-soled shoes slide down the carpet, lowering my overall height compared to Cameron. At some point, I began back-spinning my feet, pretending to be on the edge of falling on my ass. I smiled at Cameron and her eyes sparkled at the vaudevillian gesture. Know your prey and I knew way more about Cameron than was healthy for any girl. For instance, she loved Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton; more of a Keaton girl. She giggled then came to my rescue. She was wrapping me up in her arms while mine stayed safely away. "You are a bit of a joker," she teased me. "Your beautiful smile makes all that effort worthwhile," I truthfully pledged to Cameron. She sighed so contentedly. Behind her back, Pamela was loading a two-barreled hunting device, aiming at some surface-based, above ground structure with an open top and gave it both barrels while avoiding the imaginary back-splash. 'Looks like herring for dinner,' she mouthed with a wicked grin. Esmeralda was soaking it in. Hadn't I pounced on Rachel a few hours earlier? I was definitely hooking Cameron and reeling her in for some sexual deviant purpose; and Pamela was mocking the whole situation. E turned and faced the doors. "You seem like a really nice guy," Cameron murmured. "I mean that in a good way." "I can't see you as any way, but truthful and kind," I met her cherished countenance. "I imagine even harsh lessons are difficult for you to deliver." There; she had one last chance to figure out the poor schlub she'd crushed at the start of our senior year was me. "Being a leader can be very tough," she moped as she pressed into me. My mumbled offerings of affection and her savage reprisal had never registered with her. I was going to eat her alive. "How about I take care of you tonight?" I requested. She hesitated, not out of fear, but confusion. "Completely relax and I'll make the decisions for this one night. Your mind will be free to enjoy and discard at your pleasure." On most levels, Cameron was seeing this as a date. She was a 'dating' girl. She didn't give up the goodies until date three, if I was exceptionally good; date four, or five otherwise. I was about to dispose of that with a clever case of role reversal. My two staffers vanished as I entered my lakeside executive suite. A splendid view I thought I'd never be able to afford the last day; The 28th of December. I had enough money for a flight and a date picking me up at the airport. Bolingbrook had an inordinate amount of students stay the holidays and, by tradition, the graduating class hosted a New Year's Eve party for those students and the staff. I had told Dad about Havenstone and my infinitesimal chances of that kind of job. That was it. He patted me on the shoulder. There was no pressure to come back to Burnham after graduation if I didn't have a job lined up. It was my home if I needed it. So much was unspoken between us. I could tell he was proud; college; good grades; popular; happy. I shouldn't have taken for granted we'd get a chance to talk later. Back to the joy at hand. "So, what's it like working with your Dad?" I dropped into our causal conversation. I was in the bedroom, door open; really? Why do they put doors on those things? The 'Daddy' question could be taken two ways and I trusted Cameron to take it the worse way; and to be pissed. "My Father didn't get me the job here!" Cameron stormed in and insisted with a nice spirited mare stomp of the foot as emphasis. I 'just happened' to be naked, half turned away and a nice, highly suggestive pair of men's underwear in my hands. "What do you mean?" I was clearly confused. I turned a bit more toward her. Now she could almost see everything. "You; you have scars all over your body," she moaned. "I am a warrior, Cameron. This is the kind of man I am," I gave her a fierce, dominating gaze. "I fight for what I want and I brutally defend that which is mine. Who did you think I was?" Had Cameron been a fighter, that would have been the point she left the room. She was all up-front, bravado and a superior façade over an insecure, parentally driven trophy for their mantel place. My anger faded. It wasn't her fault I couldn't read her signs four years ago. I was still going to fuck her to the afterlife and back, but this time I'd be doing it as an informative journey. "I don't know anymore," Cameron tried to rally some sort of coherent rampart. "Come here," I beckoned her with one hand (the one without the underwear). Cameron shook her head. "Cameron, please believe me, there are things my staff would let me get away with; rape is not one of them. I won't touch you anywhere unless you give me permission." If you are a girl in the room at this point, you are toast. I just made it safe to touch my naked body. Sure, you have clothes on; for now, but not for long. Why? Women desire sex about as much as men do. Unless you are a vapid fashion model with substance abuse issues, men with non-disfiguring scars are an aphrodisiac. Add to that a hard-forged physique and men, sex is there for the taking. "I; uh;” she kept taking baby-steps forward. "I; Pam; Pamela is it?" "Yo," Pamela answered in a bored manner, knife in hand, then, "Whoa now!" she pointed her knife at my equipment. "Sheath that, young man. Put it under wraps right now." "I'm grown man, Pamela," I griped. I also put on my underwear. "Pluck the freaking pebble out of my hand, bitch, and then I'll call you an adult," Pamela sneered. Looking to Cameron, "Anything else Miss?" "No, thank you; no, wait. What do you do for Mr. Nyilas?" Cameron asked. "I'm his psychic medium," was Pamela's sage reply. That supernatural bogusness made Cameron happy. It shouldn't have. "Yeah, I kill his enemies then interrogate their souls," Pamela added with a nod. "It is highly rewarding work." Cameron's mouth gaped. "How about I shut the door and give you two kids some privacy." "What does she really do?" Cameron whispered to me. Part of me wanted to say 'she told you'. "She's my masseuse," I lied. I started putting my pants on (forgetting my socks) then fell/sat on the bed. Cameron came to my bedside. I rolled on my back and highly exaggerated the effort it took to pull them up. Cameron began giggling. "Hey, these are my 'skinny' slacks. I wouldn't laugh at you if our positions were switched." "Really?" she teased me. I laughed and she laughed along. "Cameron, think about it. I'm shirtless and definitely bra-less. I'm pretty sure I'd be too distracted by a multitude of your other assets to snicker," I countered. Cameron blushed and smiled. Ah, the visual image in Cameron's head was her, with jeans, racy panties and nothing else on while I hovered over her, relishing her attempts to conceal her charms. I shuffled back on the bed and resumed pulling my slacks up. Cameron followed, right into the danger zone. "Wait;” she put a hand on my abdomen. "What caused that scar?" So I told her. Okay, I gave her an abridged version of the truth. Fine, I lied like a big dog. I had the amazing habit of stumbling across women in need of saving. I bled for their virtue and honor, racked with intense pain before a violent victory was seized by my masculine hands. I was sure that Pamela and Rachel were hiding just outside the door, retching into waste baskets over the layers upon layers of my tripe. Around wound twelve, I was sure if I had asked Cameron to wear little lamb ears and a bell around her neck, she would have; had one been handy. To be fair, I wasn't fighting off legions of Green Beret. I was doing one better. I was using thinly-veiled caricatures of her High School enemies and nemeses. I was revealing their wickedness and pummeling them for their evil ways. There is a precious look a woman has when she miraculously discovers she is going to have the intercourse she's wanted yet somehow not recognized that need for until that moment. Cameron had that look, straddling me, skirt hiked up to her waist and vulva riding my cock (two layers intervening). We were out of wounds. "The rest are covered up," I explained in a predatory voice. Yes, Cameron was going to have sex and she had no control of events whatsoever and I hadn't even laid a hand on her yet. "Where?" she was suddenly baffled. "Pants," I kept it short and to the point. Cameron looked over her shoulder She reluctantly started to dismount so she could get to them so I made my move. I grabbed her hips in mid-dismount and rotated her around to reverse-cowgirl. Cameron began tugging off my pants with my legs raised high. My stomach crunches kicked in and I leveraged my torso up as well. I deftly moved her skirt up and went straight to the ass massage. Cameron's head shot around, eyes fearful. I had broken my word to not touch her without permission. Yes, I had lied to a girl; Now, I kissed her right on the lips, expertly delivered a delving French kiss and moved one hand to her right breast for an aggressive fondle. Cameron was really getting into it. Her nipples were highly sensitive. Her ass was humping like an over-eager sorority girl pole-dancing on Amateur Night. On cue, Cameron broke free and flew off the bed. "What; you; I thought we were going out?" she whined. She was horny as hell and didn't want to be held accountable at it. "Why are you running away?" I reclined back, solely in my underwear now. I was using my 'I'm disappointed in you' voice. Yes, I was 'guilting' a girl into having sex. Duh. I would never coerce a woman, or take one not in her right mind; that's using forces beyond her control. Guilt? Guilt has a foundation squarely in a woman's mind, just like humor, romance, common interests (feigned or not) and horniness. Girls can control guilt just like any other psychological trigger. It is called being shameless and I ought to know. Remember guys, it cuts both ways. Don't think so? You've had a girlfriend three whole months to the point she's staying over a night or two a week. One night, after your (hopefully) second round, you both discover it is that time of the month. 'Babe (or whatever pet name she has saddled you with), can you run to the store and get me some tampons and pads?' That, by the way, was not a question. She, for hygiene reasons, can't put her clothes on and go out herself. So, you go out to the Quick-Mart at 2 a.m. praying to God that none of your buddies are on a late night beer run and see you with your; stuff. You are not doing this for sex. She's not feeling 100% at the moment. Why are you? Guilt. She was at your place, making your Baloney Pony happy and this happened. You could send her out to the store. Not only is she not the only woman out there, many women understand guys getting freaked out about menstrual products. No, you feel guilty and risk the ridicule of your peers because it is your fault and you are not a dick-wad. And why did she ask you to do something that has nothing to do with you? Women are equally aware that guilt works, Baby. Back to our tale; "I'm not running away," sounded empty coming out of her mouth. "You said; touching." "I think you gave that option up when you crawled on top of me," I leered. "I clearly want to be with you, Cameron. You have given every indication you want to be with me, so I ask you again, why are you suddenly running away?" I kept after her. "I don't want to have sex; right now," again, she sounded weak. "Whatever happens, I go back to New York in two days," I met her shaky gaze. "You can set a time table if you like. The actuality of my life is relentless. I have things to get back to. If you are going to go, then go. I'll head out alone tonight, get a few drinks, come back early and grab some shut-eye," I shrugged. I went searching for my pants. See, she wasn't some random fuck. I wasn't leaving to replace her; making her a failure. I was hemming her in. I had the timeline. I had made my desires clear. There was no negotiation so while she appeared to have choices, she didn't and she knew it. For a girl who had spent so much effort working hard to not disappoint the main masculine figure in her life there was only one thing to do. "I don't want you to think I ever do anything like this," she propped up her morals while stutter-stepping back to the bed. "I feel I have a connection with you." Ah; the 'I have a connection with you' excuse. It would have been so appropriate if she actually remembered me. I pulled her onto the bed, went through the obligatory trying to push me off then we were back to the kissing and humping. Cameron turned out to be a 'use me' girl. That does Not mean abuse, it means she gets off being a responder to her partner's sexual directions. Caress her cheek, jaw and throat and she'd cup my chin, or massage my chest. Cameron was smart and a quick-learner. Her problem was a lack of a sense of adventure and an aversion to taking the lead. With the phantom applause of a hundred other male 'losers' who went to Fractional North High School, I ‘did' the queen who had been beyond us all only four years ago. The erotic twist to all that was with every sense of triumph and pleasure, Cameron mimicked me. Certainly we were both having a memorable time. I had to touch, lick, knead, and fondle every inch of Cameron's body. We both explored our nipple fetish, sixty-nined and engaged in some anal play; no penetration. I completed my first sojourn with the removal of the condom and the blowjob that had been the fantasy of countless hours in my home's upstairs bathroom. Cameron didn't just swallow; she savored and looked like she wanted more. Normally I cuddle beside my partner post-coitus. With Cameron, I lay on top of her at eye level. I put enough weight on her to let her feel pinned without real discomfort. "I have a confession," I gave her a sweaty-faced grin. "What?" she asked then gave me a peck on the lips. "We went to school together; same grade and everything," I enlightened her. "We even talked once." Cameron didn't know what to make of that. "I'll put that in perspective though. Do you believe that if you do something you do your best? Do you believe in craftsmanship?" "Cáel, you are scaring me," Cameron frowned. "Fifteen seconds and you can go," I conveyed with as much calm as I could. "Answer my question." "Okay; yes, I believe in doing your best. I believe in craftsmanship," Cameron played along. "Your words; 'never in a million years'." I related and waited. First there was the uncertainty and fear of the odd course our relationship had taken. It took a few seconds because so few pieces of the puzzle fit. "Cáel Nyilas; it was you; start of senior year; I had been," she muttered. Then came the real fear. "You must hate me." "I thought about it," I said, "but that isn't really me. See, you helped create me. Truth be told, you were only the catalyst. I did all the work." "A great many women helped. They were never a replacement for you. I was taught better than that by my first lover," I continued. "Still, I would be totally different if you hadn't casually annihilated my self-worth that September day." Pause. "Do you like the results?" "You really don't hate me;” Cameron was coming around. "It was high school. We all screw up in high school. According to a few studies, if you don't make a mess of high school, you are destined for failure," I related some real information. "You are getting hard again," Cameron gasped back to being okay with things between us. "Perhaps I should have warned you," I grinned wickedly. "I'm a sex addict." "Hey, Sex Addict!" Pamela shouted into the room. "There are some people out here to see you." "Good people, or bad people?" I shouted back. "Worse," Pamela replied. "The kind of people that want something from you." That was vaguely unpromising. "Cameron, take a shower and we'll talk about dinner when you get out. I think I need to take care of this," I sighed. Off went Cameron to the shower and on went my robe. In the main room, with a variety of levels of sexual tension, were sixteen women I didn't know. The Hotel Burnham has very nice suites, but they are not ballrooms. The room was pretty crowded, with not enough chairs and wall space getting sparse. They were all Havenstone women and I was willing to bet the average age was thirty-five; not my normal crowd. At least I knew why they were all there. Pamela suspected. Rachel and her team were clueless. "Hi, I am known as Cáel Nyilas," I greeted them. "A short history lesson and things will make a great deal more sense, so please be patient." The crowd was not pleased. I was a male and to a woman, the ladies had repudiated the world of men. They were all 'Runners'. It was the presence of Rachel's group that was keeping them civil at this point. "Twenty-five hundred years ago, as the Second Betrayal was ending, there was a small group of males who had proven themselves to the Amazon Host, taken into houses and their names were written on the Amazon Rolls," I started off. "Two of those males and three male children of one of the houses survived the massacre the female Amazons inflicted on their kin." That bought me a moment. Slaughtering your own babies, even male babies, wasn't something they would shrug off. "Well, if you know your Amazon politics, you know that the children of an Amazon who dies while in service of the Host becomes a member of the Host; so on and so on." The implications were sinking in as was the nervousness. "One of those men was a young warrior named Vranus of House Ishara. I am the sole surviving heir of Vranus. We are also here for the burial of my Father, who was murdered Sunday night. The next bit of Amazon politics. House Ishara was an extinct First House," I continued. "Oh shit," was uttered from half-dozen lips as they moved to the next, obvious step. "The succession to the Head of House for any House is elevation by your peers, accepted ritual combat and; the oldest surviving member of the House," I added. "By the Seven Martial Goddess; don't you have to be female? I mean; We are Amazons!" one of the 'Runners' yelled in disbelief. "Do you plan to add more males to your House?" one of the senior members growled. "Two things; it should not bother you one way, or another, and it is not MY House. It is the House of my Ancestor, Ishara. If this is going to be a problem, you are in the wrong room," I met her hostile glare ember for ember. That one headed for the door. "Wait," a fellow 'Runner' grabbed her arm. "You can't be going along with this Marsha?" the departing Amazon snapped. "I don't know this one, but I trust Buffy," Marsha countered. "Ok ladies, so that we are clear," Pamela sighed. "The next one of you to insult the Head of House Ishara, I am going to drag into the other room, kill you and cut you up into giblets for room service to take away," Pamela sounded positively disinterested. "I am not afraid of you," the departing one glared. "That would be a serious mistake," Rachel interjected quietly. Deep breath from me. "Listen, this is a highly improbable incident. I am not asking anyone to embrace the society you have rejected. In fact, I admire you for the strength it took to transition. I also ask you to accept the fact that I DO NOT want to be here, doing this, with any of you," I made one last effort. "Quite frankly, you man-haters scare me; being a man and all. You seem to think I have a choice in any of this. I don't. I am the heir of Vranus. I am the last known living descendant of the Amazon who chose the name Ishara for the sake of her house's unity," I stated. "I don't want to do this, but I'm not the kind of human being who runs away from my responsibilities." "Okay; Cáel of Ishara, why are we here?" Marsha said as she kept the other one from leaving. "Sixty years ago, the Amazon Houses swore an oath to the women who joined their cause. They lied to you. They have not kept up their side of the bargain. They have refused virtually all of you entry into the status as true, full-blooded Amazons," I explained. "And now you are going to rectify that; injustice?" the senior one kept mocking me. "Fine; you and me; one last chance," I sighed. "Look around you. Who do you see? The prettiest, the most pliable, the most power-hungry? If you can point out one woman in this room that doesn't deserve to be a Full-Blooded Amazon, leave now." "You didn't choose any of us," she responded. "Exactly!" I shouted. "I didn't choose any of you to be in House Ishara. Buffy Ishara and Helena Ishara did. Why? Because I don't know any of you, or your sacrifices and worth to Havenstone. I gave that duty to the two; and only two; member of House Ishara who would know who was the most worthy to be in a First House." "We are here to be inducted," one of the silent Amazons voiced with a dream-like quality. "Yes. Barring being rejected by Ishara, you will be inducted at my Father's graveside tomorrow morning," I stated clearly. "How many?" Senior questioned. "This time; twenty," I answered. "I have no agenda and no set number of 'Runners' to be inducted into House Ishara. It doesn't work

Pro Football Talk Live with Mike Florio
Bears fire OC Shane Waldron + Aaron Rodgers inadvertently comments on Saleh firing (11/13 Hour 1)

Pro Football Talk Live with Mike Florio

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 13, 2024 67:38


(00:00) Bears fire OC Shane Waldron (35:00) Aaron Rodgers inadvertently comments on Saleh firing during appearance on Pat McAfee Show. (52:00) Vikings DC Brian Flores says he would like to be a head coach again

Sex Help for Smart People
How to Stop Inadvertently Turning Off Women

Sex Help for Smart People

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2024 20:04 Transcription Available


If you can't figure out why women seem to get turned off by you even though you're a super nice guy -- this episode is for you! We cover how to know if you're inadvertently creeping out women or turning them off no matter how great a guy you are (and 99% of the people with this issue are cis-gendered hetero men). We'll talk about why that can happen, why it's not your fault (but is something only you can fix), how to stop it, and what's up if you're on other end (meaning that you get creeped out or turned off even by wonderful, kind men). Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

ExplicitNovels
Cáel and the Manhattan Amazons: Part 8

ExplicitNovels

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 8, 2024


Cáel's tombstone: For the love of women, women put him here.In 25 parts, edited from the works of FinalStand.Listen and subscribe to the ► Podcast at Connected..

christmas united states america god tv love jesus christ ceo women american new york director family amazon time new year netflix death live money head game canada world learning president friends thanksgiving trust new york city church father chicago lord australia europe art english babies business stories hollywood earth starting china peace school science spirit man freedom los angeles house mother rock body las vegas france men secret work england voice sports giving woman college personal olympic games talk water mission hell law service running training real state crisis change reality land americans british living gospel child french stand pain young germany speaking canadian care west deep building truth video club race nature war society africa ms girl office brothers chinese gold european home dating wild masters blood fire sleep ukraine spiritual government italy rich cross sex simple walking evolution fighting strength german brain murder turning japanese russian board 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charging grandparents glasses casper yahweh fucking fiscal appeals newark planned parenthood grandfather adultery acquisitions belarus nypd state department pole aunt murdered rude bibles heavens central park ancestors holy grail libertarians breach fuego mister anal wisely santa fe winds plea nsa boy scouts momma patagonia feds bordeaux device ballet bounce sasquatch converting rope south koreans administrators lemonade shore estonia 401k monday night atm mano puerto rican meth sir bastards predators dwellings rockies clever underworld menace knees hungarian torn apologize promising protocols warner brothers slaughter naples cpr diaspora tend laden tender slayer south asian unable cape bitches cargo scandinavian jaguar lay immortal homicide tibet technically underwear condoms cheerleaders copper refer pd lacking asians guarding al qaeda devo stevenson appalachian esquire virtually ambitious larger ro benjamin franklin automatic nile life insurance sunday night mare fist summer camp 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nikita kinky green beret democratic republic defy interpol charlie chaplin trojan virginity cheetahs bce freemasons big one angelic hamptons kill bill oak pity ear missing link parasites mccabe jason statham year one behave nutcracker futurama thrilling irrelevant george carlin convincing mothering vessels white christmas eastside depaul yugoslavia al capone secret societies yum yummy slight neanderthals ran serbian central asia cha extensive grizzly cougar pinnacle vulcans storming sweaty liking whore tragically lesbians sikh morons chinese communist party reminding triple crown great wall magnum exiting heavily airborne osama grappling obama administration pleased savor u s missing person state fairs dispelling generals man up stud pocahontas bulgarian deep south caucasians emergency rooms lawless state senators gf madi nipple obtain suffice canada day shampoo inuit turks tandem erotica maldives sensing goddesses brownies speeding soviets archery purple heart strangely cambodians sob fp rising sun spinal tap atf fdic oh god nerf marshal mmm anthrax helium god almighty hostility weave lk renfield ghost hunters mongolian apologizing comforting federal court moor holy cross princess leia ncis old world cyclops trojans cicero grandson oaths restraint barnum rasputin good guy reload oh my god assyria brewster grenades sop roman catholic church sz collar new england journal east asian kurdish referring ade creeping amazonian jason voorhees janus my dad jonestown special agents ish dg braille horace belles jokers fraternity third reich ballroom medical center carmichael diplomatic tad stalkers federal bureau eurasia christmas holiday taser seti messina timer feinstein legalize genghis khan winslow sub saharan africa soaking spirit world arabian laguardia farsi animaniacs hecklers goddamn wiccans patriot act pla district court nimrod carnegie mellon testicles directive slavic iliad stasi peeling peugeot bohemia poo luxemburg columbian chalmers endo chicagoans truce equestrian catholic school orgies modernism home loans village voice recount faults kurdistan clans kneel harmonious sipping glock team lead my mother high priestess invading resonate draco lcd precinct ancestor keyes lombard donetsk foe emergency services burnham coroner krav maga forc celts bushido magna carta hubby rhodes scholar rorschach penetration assyrian violating congolese grace kelly fabiola asc bolivian frat snape ako atwood second language mah enrique iglesias darwinian blush friday morning medico ancient world umm prc germanic i won big boss buster keaton hippocrates pinhead woot eurasian world domination snapping kama sutra bum ishtar swiss alps dumbass coal mine holy crap life plans tigger armory holy shit prick improper my son sizzling appoint beg hunting season holy cow four days coughing castello amusement neapolitan speedo park rangers vassar college athleticism orphan black central africa felicit omniscient his house eharmony timothy leary wha hadrian great pumpkin amazonia father daughter naughty list alphas pandering little sister finnes propelled ursula k le guin infighting birthed umami pluck timur magyar us navy seals chuckles solar plexus amway evasion hittites eek geisha intensive care barring my house legions danube motherfuckers cowardly mongoose hilton head restraining orders western united states evil empire black forest zen masters brainiac iron age intercourse yakima silky acp ow vietnamese american disrespecting trust funds bacchus bad girl assistant manager abed internal affairs kindergarten cop taunting mein kampf cavemen trojan war padawan 3f canadian american anat mesoamerican old spice hellas shotguns lumpy crouching tiger ramses consulate top shot last place medical examiners patching hittite boohoo oliver cromwell chicago pd intensive care units east river crewe cunt scathing your father hippocratic oath constanza imhotep rolling thunder sick leave saturday afternoon dominicans groan scythians ash ketchum deyoung developing world northern district octopussy fuckers flatbush fifth amendment laughable evian jacking atta voa maoist tasmanian devils ssr aerospace engineer nonviolent girls gone wild wonder twins bbc america troika hidden dragon ruger firemen khmer huns vassar surrogates exceptionally every member soe arwen security services insulted big wheels saint james chicago police department ace hardware incan extermination granddad gibbon writ wies good hope united states district court sterile bravado alternating humping nubian cunnilingus littering ohio valley little bighorn ragged ngozi sex addicts first house sparing united states attorney seven pillars colonial america ravine witness protection baring iridium clearinghouse cleverly other half flailing bitchy central european invariably overt sky blue mafioso holy mother hic international finance black hand sapphic tigerlily braulio inadvertently oink moorish azerbaijani brawling your mother other' errands bouncers murmurs mmmmmm pharos moose jaw bestiality lashing quebecois smg stanhope sot retrieve uzbek southern india mountie gruff supremacists sex god modern american black lotus searing kibble wmds estere shoshone miranda rights augur sperm whales matron durex sheath olmec caress amory coils grans madame butterfly gutless big sis main man minoan jaywalking lead investigator belafonte sinaloa cartel foolishly slaughtering genghis unconquered long island medium slavs romany squirts javiera mumbling normals hey dad muay caller id yalda bolingbrook friendless cherrie yuppie latin kings egg mcmuffins wakefulness ibew sunni islam blood feud garden gnomes you god tri state area issue one picts holy fuck low countries han chinese mossberg cloaking western roman empire bereft marilynn we americans un charter rusty nail misinterpreting amateur night new agers peregrine falcon reichmann corporate security tabriz weeee mississippi valley magyars inflicted bwana dutch east indies ninja assassin death certificate professor snape momma bear kyrgyz christmas elf communist russia cambodian americans englishwoman tamerlane bomo casus belli amerindian counter intelligence epona angel falls lothario paranormal witness subcontinent otolaryngologist dcup council chambers temujin negative reinforcement pillow guy george anderson wakko arpad fbi headquarters wagnerian obedience training my aunt welcome wagon miyako genoese hey bro nazg british sas good golly literotica wiggling chip coffey zombie survival guide divulging mediterranean world my sisters personal defense bumpkin yes ma charlie horses savate hron new york county free tibet me let director c motherfu unluckily collapsible house heads century bce dual survival italian deli lucky bastards mycenaeans lilliputian natural born killer eminently black sands shammy hey lady daniel burnham dacian english midlands policia federal cheese puffs thorazine nicorette 2x4 'thelma marda in soviet russia dimwit us tax code brian fung currying firing range cherry vanilla every amazon carnegie melon green meadows cocksucker dutifully she had unbutton fiji mermaid late saturday lydians amazon c neutron bomb bersa homicide division goddess ishtar united states federal thuggee wiccan priestess cyberdyne systems stanica girl you sarmatians deoxyribonucleic avars mirandized kazaks my japanese karvala bulgars her aunt gotchya maldives islands katrina love ruger lcr you broke
The Bobby Bones Show
Mon Part 1: The Show Caused Someone To Start Therapy + Morgan Inadvertently Causes Drama

The Bobby Bones Show

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 4, 2024 38:38 Transcription Available


Someone on the show revealed that they have started therapy to help them with something on the show. We've never heard of this reason so check in on the person to see if they're okay. Morgan asked Bobby for a favor that inadvertently caused a chain reaction of drama.  Plus, Lunchbox delivers his Tesla Report FINALLY and Bobby needs advice on reaching out to an artist based on something they said after an interview. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Courage of a Leader
The Human Connection: 4 Ways to Strengthen or Inadvertently Destroy Your Ability to Influence | Brian Bogert

The Courage of a Leader

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 8, 2024 31:57 Transcription Available


Brian Bogert is a human behavior and performance coach known for helping people connect powerfully with others. He emphasizes the importance of authentic connection, particularly when facing personal and professional obstacles. Brian shares insights on how we can foster meaningful relationships by understanding the human need to feel safe, seen, and connected. He challenges us to recognize the barriers that prevent genuine connection and offers actionable advice to break down these walls.Join us as we dive deep into the value of self-awareness in communication and how embracing vulnerability and authenticity can transform our relationships. Brian discusses the importance of being fully present in our interactions and how these practices can help us build stronger, more resilient bonds.Brian's approach encourages us to look beyond surface-level connections, helping us to cultivate deeper, more meaningful interactions in all areas of our lives.Key Takeaways:1. Core Human Needs: We all need to feel safe, seen, protected, and connected. Understanding these needs helps us build deeper, more meaningful relationships.2. Authentic Connection: True connection comes from being genuine and vulnerable, leading to impactful personal and professional relationships.3. Overcoming Barriers: Brian identifies common obstacles to connection, like fear and judgment, and offers tips to break them down.4. Self-Awareness in Communication: Knowing our own emotions and triggers helps us communicate more effectively and connect deeply with others.5. Being Present: Engaging fully and listening actively can transform our relationships, making them stronger and more resilient. About the Guest:Brian Bogert is a human behavior and performance coach, speaker, and business strategist who helps individuals, leaders, and entrepreneurs connect with their authentic selves to unlock their full potential. His journey began at age seven when he suffered a traumatic accident that resulted in the loss of his left arm. After enduring years of rehabilitation and surgeries, Brian developed a deep understanding of how physical, emotional, and mental pain can hold people back.Brian's unique approach focuses on embracing pain to avoid suffering, prioritizing people over profits, and putting "who you are" before "what you do." His methods challenge conventional growth strategies, guiding people and organizations toward sustainable change and limitless potential. Driven by a mission to impact a billion lives by 2045, Brian and his team are dedicated to leading with intentionality and purpose.https://brianbogert.com/ About the Host:Amy L. Riley is an internationally renowned speaker, author and consultant. She has over 2 decades of experience developing leaders at all levels. Her clients include Cisco Systems, Deloitte and Barclays. As a trusted leadership coach and consultant, Amy has worked with hundreds of leaders one-on-one, and thousands more as part of a group, to fully step into their leadership, create amazing teams and achieve extraordinary results. Amy's most popular keynote speeches are:· The Courage of a Leader: The Power of a Leadership Legacy· The Courage of a Leader: Create a Competitive Advantage with Sustainable, Results-Producing Cross-System Collaboration· The Courage of a Leader: Accelerate Trust with Your Team, Customers and Community· The...

Dave & Jenn in the Morning
Jenn Inadvertently Scares Man 09/26/24

Dave & Jenn in the Morning

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 26, 2024 1:43 Transcription Available


Jenn scares an outside contract employee who is in the building to fix something...

SNL Hall of Fame
Adam Driver

SNL Hall of Fame

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 9, 2024 84:53


This week on the SNL Hall of Fame podcast we welcome Ashley Bower back to the show, this time to discuss the four-time host, Adam Driver.Transcript: Track 3:[0:41] All right. Thank you so much, Doug DeNance. It is a thrill to be here back in the SNL Hall of Fame on the SNL Hall of Fame podcast. My name is JD and welcome. Before you come on in, though, please do me a favor. Read the mat. Wipe your feet. eat. The SNL Hall of Fame podcast is a weekly affair where each episode we take a deep dive into the career of a former cast member, host, musical guest, or writer and add them to the ballot for your consideration. Once the nominees have been announced, we turn to you, the listener, to vote for the most deserving and help determine who will be enshrined for perpetuity in the hall. And that's how we play the game it's just that simple now one of the things we do before we play the game is we talk to our friend matt ardill and we get some trivia but before we do that i think it's important we know that we're going to be talking about adam driver today uh i gotta tell you he's one of my most favorite guests of this new era this new generation it would be mulaney and and driver for me for sure i could see them both being in the hall at some point it'll be interesting to hear what ashley bauer has to say in terms of building a case ash and we're thrilled so let's uh walk down the hall and talk to our friend mr ardill oh matt adam.Track 2:[2:10] Driver yeah yeah um One of my favorite hosts, to be honest. Six foot two, born November 19th, 1983 in Fontana, California. Did not expect him to be a Californian. I don't know why. Just doesn't have that. Yeah, just doesn't have that California energy. He attended Mishawaka High School and the University of Indianapolis before going on to graduate from Juilliard. This is a another juilliard grad uh who appears on snl uh he has been in had he has had 57 acting roles six soundtrack credits and two producer credits um as a youth he appeared in how to succeed in business without really trying uh into the woods and guys and dolls uh he's he's one of of those people who's had you know when you see an actor and they're like they just have depths that you didn't expect, Because they have lived experiences, and I feel Adam is one of those. He worked as a door-to-door vacuum salesman.Track 2:[3:19] He applied to Juilliard, was rejected, so decided, what the hell, I'll join the Marines. Where he was a Lance Corporal before being discharged due to an injury prior to deployment that made him unable to go into combat. So he decided, what the hell, I'll try Juilliard again. And this time was accepted. Does not like to watch his own performance and will decline to watch them in interviews, because he just does not like seeing himself on screen. Uh he's been nominated for oscars in lincoln a black k a kk black kk klansman i don't know how to pronounce the spike lee movie yeah it's a three k's it throws me off um and marriage story of course uh his wife is actor joanne tucker uh the uh their her grandfather is the politician henry Tucker, who is considered one of the most important politicians in Bermuda in history, who led the first government of Bermuda in 1968.Track 2:[4:29] Um watching his roles it's clear he's a bit of an intense person um because like after watching fight club he actually came away with the wrong lesson and decided to start a fight club in his high school um yeah so that was a choice uh now he did appear on broadway in mrs warren's profession and man and boy before going on to appear in Girls. Growing up, he was raised by a father and a stepfather who were both preachers, who had him sing in the church choir, which he doesn't really show off to the best of his ability inside Llewellyn Davis.Track 2:[5:13] Which is, to be honest, where I first fell in love with him as the singing cowboy. Boy uh but he's actually a very talented musician and in that episode where he played the piano on snl he actually played the piano he does know how to play the piano um now he's gone on found a charity uh called arts in the armed forces with his partner a non-profit that brings art to the active duty service members around the world and support staff free of charge uh together they have have a son uh but he actually kept it hidden for two years before the new yorker finally uh let it slip in 2019 so he is a man of uh many nuances and layers sounds that way what an onion he is yeah you know when i carve into an onion i often cry and when i listen to a thomas conversation Conversation with a guest, sometimes two, I often cry. Let's go to Thomas now.Track 2:[6:19] Grab your tissues. How's that for a segue, Matty?Track 4:[6:51] Well, hello, JD and Matt. Welcome to another edition of the SNL Hall of Fame Conversation. We are in the middle of a wonderful season six, continuing that today with a great nominee, one of my all-time favorite hosts. I'm going to be up front about how much I like today's nominee. It's Adam Driver, of course, and I'll be up front about how much I like today's guest as well. A very special guest first timer last season with kate mckinnon who i think uh will probably get in this year i mean a little soon after after her tenure at snl to get into the snl hall of fame i guess the voters decided that but i think um ultimately ashley will have gotten kate mckinnon into the hall um ashley uh joined me and daramie on a round table uh at the end of season five so So this is her third appearance to the show. So Ashley Bauer, thank you so much for joining me today on the SNL Hall of Fame, Ashley. Thank you so much for having me back. I'm kind of working my way toward my own five-timers club, hopefully. That's the goal. Slowly but surely. Yes, yes, you'll get there. You were very impressive in your first go-around, so I had to have you back this season. I've been following your exploits on Instagram, I'm not going to lie. So you're a world traveler, you're a Taylor Swift fan, so why don't you tell me, like, how's your summer going in both of those regards, Ashley? I'm kind of jealous.Track 4:[8:18] So it's a little bittersweet. So yeah, I went to Paris to see Taylor Swift at the Aris Tour in May, and it was everything I thought it would be and more. Like it was like being in Barbie land. Everybody supports each other. It's women supporting women. And it's this like happy, wholesome environment. And she's just such an incredible performer. And she was so amazing. And I was so depressed after the concert was over that I couldn't accept the fact that I would never see an AeroStore concert again. So I immediately booked another trip with a separate friend. And we were scheduled to go see her in Vienna. Just a couple of weeks ago but if anyone was watching the news they saw that the vienna shows did not happen um you know just terrorists or whatever no big deal wanted to blow up the venue so very grateful uh shout out to all of the national security agencies um in that country and whatever other countries may or may not have assisted because i'm here to talk on this podcast with you but yeah I know love traveling you're right 100% as often as I can get out of the country and go see somewhere new I'm gonna do it and if I get to combine it with Taylor Swift like.Track 4:[9:41] What better trip could I plan? So yeah, made the best of it, even though we didn't actually get to see her in concert. But got to explore. Still did some kind of musical stuff. We went on a Sound of Music tour in Salzburg. So made lemons, excuse me, made lemonades out of lemons. Yes. And now I'm just back in the U.S., I guess. Just back to the boring life. Yeah, just normal everyday real world. Not in Barbie land anymore.Track 4:[10:11] Oh, that's cool. So that's awesome. Again, I'm like admiring your travels from afar, admiring your Taylor Swift adventures from afar. So I'm glad you've had a great summer. And I'm glad you're back here with me in season six to talk some Adam Driver. And I'm going to be upfront, Ashley. I think Adam might be in my top 10 all-time hosts. He's a four-timer. I think he's already there for me. So I'm going to start the conversation with that to be full, you know, full disclosure with the listeners. I think I have him as a top 10 all time host. Is that aggressive on my part? No, not at all. And I promise he's not paying me to say this or to just agree with him. But like I 100% he needs to at least be in the five timers club. He is so natural. Like it was like he was born to be an SNL host or somehow like he needs to somehow be associated with SNL for as long as I'm capable of watching the show so yeah not aggressive at all and I know we're going to talk a lot about why, he's just so freaking good at it like it's hilarious it's intense it's everything.Track 4:[11:21] Yeah, and I was doing this exercise because I made an appearance on the Saturday Night Network's host countdown this summer. And I was just kind of doing my list and going through the hosts and everything like that. And I surprised myself and was like, I really have Adam Driver this high? I guess I do. And I guess I think he deserves it. So that's where I'm coming from. I think that's where both of us are coming from with this episode. So that's why I was so excited to do this one. So a little brief background on Adam. He did a little acting here and there. Until 2012, he started really getting breaks in 2012. He was in Lincoln, Francis Ha, the Greta Gerwig movie.Track 4:[12:02] Girls, though, was arguably his biggest break. So I first saw Adam Driver on Girls. Is that the case for you and your first exposure to Adam? Or was it like somewhere else that you first saw Adam? him no so unfortunately mine was it wasn't until he got a little bit more mainstream my first exposure to him was when he played kylo ren in star wars um and then it was kind of you know going back and realizing that he had been like making his way through and kind of breaking through over the last few years um but all that to say again i thought he nailed that role in star Star Wars, it was just so well done that playing this just villain that you kind of find yourself, rooting for in a weird way, which is terrible because obviously you're not supposed to do that. But I think just the way that he captures the whole essence and as they build his story and kind of his arc and realizing...Track 4:[13:02] You know obviously he chooses very poorly at the end but you know that there was something in there that was almost good um yeah and i'm not even really that big of a star wars fan like probably upset a lot of people with how little i know about it so very basic very mainstream for me to say like oh yeah he was so good in star wars that that's where i first got experience with him no he was so good in star wars though he played that role really well uh i think maybe i don't want to speak for J.J. Abrams or Rian Johnson, but you think you were supposed to kind of feel something for him, and especially with the backstory with Luke and all that. It's like, okay, maybe he kind of had a point as far as how angry he was, but Adam played those nuances really well, so definitely made his really mainstream mark playing Kylo Ren. On girls, he really stood out because Adam has this unique look about him. He doesn't look like the classic, and this is said with love, He doesn't look like the classic handsome Brad Pitt, George Clooney, movie star Clark Gable kind of person. Adam has a distinct look about him, and that came out in Girls. He was this kind of aloof guy who Lena Dunham's character had an on-again, off-again thing with. And you could see even then some of the comedy chops, and I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. He played intense really well, but then some of the stuff he said was low-key really funny in Girls.Track 4:[14:28] So, there were signs there for him being a good SNL host, I should say. Yeah, I think once somebody gave him the platform and gave him the opportunity to really flex those comedy muscles, he just needed somebody to give him that chance and let him demonstrate. I'm so glad they did.Track 4:[14:45] Yeah, that's what happens sometimes with people who aren't known for comedy. And that's what I wanted to ask you, just like in a general way. What's your initial reaction when someone is tabbed to host for the first time, but isn't necessarily totally known for a comedy? Is the anticipation still there for someone like that? I think so, because I think I've learned over the years that some people just really surprise you in a really great way about it. And I know like several, several years ago, the first time Mark Wahlberg did something with comedy, I was so shocked, like so shocked that Mark Wahlberg didn't just do a comedy movie, but absolutely nailed it. It was so freaking funny.Track 4:[15:28] And so I kind of used that experience to give other people like Adam Driver a chance. Answer because i admit yeah like because all i knew about him at the time was star wars when i first saw that he was hosting i thought okay this you know he's big you know he's popular i see what they brought him in but oh my gosh just even from the beginning his first time coming out with the monologue like it was like he had been there before it was so surreal to me it made me forget that that was his first time hosting yeah there's a comfort about it that you can see as snl fans We can see some sort of comfort level or some sort of fit, I think, right off the bat. And something that I've learned, Ashley, since I've been an SNL fan for going on almost 35 years now, is that the best hosts, in my opinion, are hosts who are really good actors. So being good at sketch, to me, isn't just about having a sense of humor anymore.Track 4:[16:26] It's about being a great actor and having timing and things like that. And Adam Driver happens to be a great actor and has a sense of humor. But I think a lot of those quote-unquote dramatic actors, people who are really skilled at that, are really good SNL hosts. Because I think you need to be a good actor to be good in sketch and not just funny. Oh, I completely agree with you. And I think that's what makes Adam so successful, is because he has the training and the just mixed with the natural talent of 100 committing.Track 4:[16:58] To a role in a situation and just completely dedicating to it and i think because of that i think you see this too in so many of his sketches i keep trying to look for when he's gonna look at the cue card and i can never find it yeah like sometimes i kind of wonder if i'm like making myself believe that his eyes moved just because I'm trying to catch him. I'm like, I don't think he does. I don't think he's ever looked at a cue card. And if he has, then he's completely fooled me. And I think that commitment and dedication to memorizing his lines to completely go all in with whatever sketch they've given him has really been a huge part of why he's been so successful in his hosting gigs. Yeah, 100%. And then we saw that, as you mentioned, mention his first host hosting gig was season 41 episode 10 uh musical guest chris stapleton and his monologue like he was comfortable they played off the whole uh kylo ren star wars theme he was promoting the force awakens but i thought it was really cute just to kind of like get to know the host you had some uh bobby and taryn and leslie had a funny appearance there but the those first monologues for the for these new hosts it's like i i love when they're just up there and loose and maybe they need playing with the i think i think it helps them if they're playing with the cast a little bit even in the monologue ashley i don't know if it's something that you noticed at all.Track 4:[18:24] I actually was thinking about that for one of his later monologues, too. It's his ability to play off other cast members, the band, the camera, just working the different camera angles so naturally. I think that really shows and it helps show the audience how comfortable they are from the get-go if they're able to come out and immediately start bantering with these professional SNL comedians. And he was able to do that.Track 4:[18:52] But it really is an honor to be in Star Wars. Never, never, ever will you find a more devoted fan base. They're very intense. I know. Star Wars fans, ridiculous, right? Quick question. What happens in the next film, Adam? You know, I can't tell you that. They won't even tell me that. Oh, you can't tell me because the audience is here, right? Okay, okay. I'm going to ask you at the after party, though. No, you won't.Track 4:[19:27] I've been dealing with this all week, leslie confused him with mini driver so she asked him why he wasn't in the martian with matt damon because she thought it mini driver was in goodwill hunting with matt damon why wouldn't you be in the martian with matt damon so uh so he had to correct her but uh fun monologue uh i think this is a this This is a fun episode for me, like really fun episode for me. So, but I'm going to throw it to you. Like from this first episode, what stood out to you? Oh my gosh. Again, so, so many. Since I'd only really known him from Star Wars, I thought that undercover boss sketch was immediately one of the greatest of all time. Like it was so brilliant. The concept was genius. Shout out to the writers of that sketch. But again, like his ability.Track 4:[20:19] To, you know, bring Kylo Ren alive into this like comedic realm was so hilarious. And as a lawyer, shout out to all the lawyers who got the rights to let him do that. Because thank you. Otherwise, we wouldn't have this sketch. But yeah, he was so freaking intense in that. And it ended up being so funny. And I think in the moments where he wasn't even really trying to be funny, he was just playing Kylo Ren because of the setting that they had and the concept of what they were doing. Just made it immediately funny even when he was you know pained and trying to like talk to the camera do the interview off screen he's like i'm really looking forward to meeting everybody like it just pained him to have to say it kylo is going undercover among star killer base personnel as matt a radar technician you get so caught up in restoring the galaxy to its rightful state that you miss what's going on behind the scenes. I'm looking forward to having some real talk with some real folks. The shout out to everyone else who kept up with him in that sketch too.Track 4:[21:27] Bobby Moynihan, Taryn Killam in that as well. I think that was such a huge standout. Yeah episode i thought hilariously intense that was like a a phrase that that came to my mind was adam was hilariously intense uh in this sketch and taryn yeah taryn's saying that he's 90 sure that matt is kylo ren but then cutting to him telling a sob story to presumably to get money from kylo because he kind of knows how these shows work so he knew it was kylo ren and he's He's just kind of like laying it on the sob story. So Kylo would like give him something like Matt. Kylo Ren as Matt, the radar technician using the force to choke Bobby's stormtrooper. Just all these fun beats. It's like a modern classic. And this is his second sketch as host of SNL. And he turned in like a modern classic right away. Yeah, exactly. Just right out of the gate. Gold. Like I was just so impressed. So that's undercover boss star killer base with Adam as Kylo Ren. One that I wanted to throw out there for sure, and maybe I'm showing my Vanessa Bear bias too, because she's great. I'm the biggest Vanessa Bear fan on the planet. The Golden Globes pre-tape.Track 4:[22:42] And again, one of those, and SNL did it really well around that time period where they showed a really cute subdued scene and then kind of juxtaposed it with something intense that was happening. So they like to do pre-tapes that had that kind of back and forth. So this one, it was Adam and Vanessa. They play a couple who just won the Golden Globes Award. And they have a wild night on the town. And then their kids, played by Kyle Mooney and Kate McKinnon, are just at home kind of waiting for them. When are mom and dad going to come back? And this and that. And they're just like peaceful, about to go to sleep. And just all hell breaks loose in this pre-tape. And it's one of my favorites. And I don't know how much SNL fans go back to it, but they really should. It's just like a favorite pre-tape of mine from this era ashley.Track 4:[23:29] I agree. Oh, my God. It's so funny. I loved the contrast of this. Yeah. You know, if you're watching, go to bed. And it transitions, yeah, into that. Oh, yeah. Like, what is actually happening when people say that there are kids, you know, going to bed and then waiting for mom and dad to come home and then the absolute shift to them doing cocaine off of the trophy. And like do you think mom and dad miss us and like this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to us forgetting about their kids um but i think what made this so fun you're oh my god yeah vanessa bayer agree she's lovely um she's amazing was i think this shows adam driver's range again that like his classical training and acting and his ability to bring that into like bring the intensity into this this sketch because he also starts as this cute like kind of dad and he's thanking everybody and then he you know picks the fight with keenan and vanessa's yelling at him like be a man for once and hit him and just completely escalating this whole situation, whoa guys guys sorry stars only you man don't push my wife be a man for once kevin hit him You don't want to hit me, sir. Hold on to your hats! You're about to get pounded!Track 4:[24:52] I thought that was so impressive. He runs off like Vanessa has left there to deal with security, and Adam just runs off. He ditches her. Yeah. Yes, so good. Yeah, I just thought that right off the bat, that shows his range. That he could, again, just like with the undercover boss sketch, be so intense, but make it so funny. Yeah. Yeah, they ended up having a, presumably having a fun night with Leo Schreiber as well. After Adam is talking about seeing him at the urinal and everything. And the next morning, Adam and Vanessa are passed out on the couch and Leo Schreiber's in the kitchen shirtless with an apron and making eggs in the kitchen. And the kids are like, he's like, you can get yourself dressed for school, right? That's probably best if you guys go do that. Yeah, he asked the kids, do you guys like eggs? They're like what is happening like oh good mom and dad got home they fell asleep and they're just like strewn about on the couch but as his boob is like hanging out of her dress like there's still cocaine on adam's face like it's just it's perfection yeah it's just madness yeah the golden globe sketch uh one that kind of like amongst a lot of those pre-tapes to me it kind of slid a little bit under the radar um but i think uh if you know you know and and that one's It's a great one.Track 4:[26:14] There's one, and I don't know, I may put you on the spot, but there's one in this episode that screamed Ashley to me. I don't know if we're on the same wavelength, but one in particular screamed Ashley Bauer to me. Do you want me to guess? Yes. Was it the Aladdin? No, it wasn't, but I can see that as well. Yeah, talk about that. I was like, that one, yeah. Big musical fan, obviously. Big Disney fan. And so the fact that he could sing, I know a lot of actors do have that training. I'm pretty sure he went to Juilliard, but for acting, that doesn't necessarily mean he can sing. But he didn't just sing with Cecily Strong. Like, he harmonized with her. Right? I was like, oh, okay. All right. Like, go off.Track 4:[27:03] And again, just the commitment and everything. I thought that one was so fun because it combined my love of Disney. Yeah. kind of a straight man yeah he is poor cecily's getting like hit with a bomb and like the plane like opens it's like it dumps all the bathroom stuff on her and she's just straight up not having a good time and he's so oblivious to it he just wants to sing his song um but no what was the one that you thought was was me it was america's funniest cats oh okay yeah no that's fair yeah because it reminded because i because i know like it so reminded me of like late 90s early 2000s snl uh with this was it was adam playing a kind of a nerdy weird guy named finn reynolds he does he hosts a show where he does like kind of goofy voiceovers for cat videos and then he has two french women on his guests played by kate and cecily so this was just like awesome and i'm like i bet i don't know for some reason i thought like i, I think Ashley might like this one. Okay, wow, you guys do it a little different than us. We try to make the bloopers a little sillier, like with sound effects and stuff. Do you know what I mean? I wake up boyoyong. Oh, boyoyong.Track 4:[28:19] We can try boyoyong. Oh, yeah, yeah, great. Throw some boyoyongs in there. I'm just going to roll a bunch of clips and you guys just go crazy, okay? Yes, of course. Boyoyong. this cat has neurological disorder she cannot gauge a distance between herself and the cow isn't that the one where uh yeah they played the french women and they're just completely like i don't want to i don't want to make anybody mad but like what you what they portray in the media as being uh traditional french women yeah like more nihilistic yeah yeah they're like um they make fun of the cats they're like kind of have more dark humor everything like the cat is doing that the cat's about to probably like die in the video like even if they're doing the cutest thing they're like so yeah but adam's adam plays this really fun nerdy guy that's again like almost he he's a outlandish character in his own right but he's almost in a way like a like a foil or like a straight person to them um their voiceovers are a lot darker than adam's so he's a good like foil to the dark voiceovers that Kate and Cecily provided. It was almost like an anti-Sprockets, where instead of the host being super dark and intense, the guests were, and the host was just trying to be this awkward, nerdy, funny guy doing these cute videos, and then.Track 4:[29:43] These women come on and completely like ah well maybe that's not exactly what i intended i absolutely love that comparison to sprockets like the inverse sprockets like that's so good what a great pull anytime i can shout out to mike myers like i'll find a way, yeah you're talking to someone who when he was a little kid dressed up in like a black turtleneck and pretended to be Dieter from Spraw Kids. So I just made Ashley choke on her wine.Track 4:[30:14] I can see that. And that must have been before we met. I know we've known each other a long time, but the fact that I never got to see this is so disappointing. I'm glad there wasn't like my parents weren't on social media at the time and taking pictures and post. Yeah, that would have been a mess. We're older than social media, Tom, unfortunately. So you lucked out.Track 4:[30:39] Uh yeah this was a fun i i have one more i don't know if anything one actually that really surprised me from this episode but i don't know if you have any shout outs uh any more from this his first hosting gig uh no i really yeah i'm not gonna lie the undercover boss one stood out oh wasn't this also the the season where he was playing the football announcer and pete davidson gets absolutely like laid out breaks his legs that was another really good one Yeah.Track 4:[31:09] He's not so much the star of that. Like he's kind of a side person in it. But that would really sit out to me from that episode as well. Yeah, that was a good one. That was the first sketch of the night. Actually, that like led off the night. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah. There was one I kind of forgot about. And I loved Adam Driver, obviously, before I started going back and rewatching these episodes. But there was one called Awareness Seminar. it was adam and cecily and their class speakers talking about social social puppeteering to the class and the stories that adam and cecily are sharing are so good and these stories are just like giving kids ideas about like elaborate ways to like mess with their classmates and make them like gaslight them and just thinking certain things and and they're just like telling their classmates like avoid social puppeteering and watch out for this for example and then they'll go into like a story about social puppeteering the class is like that sounds so cool like.Track 4:[32:12] Inadvertently talking the class ended doing it but it was just like a little gem that i had forgot about okay well in simplest terms uh it's manipulating others for your own amusement i'm hijacking someone's reality to feel powerful here's an example of something i did in the sixth grade. I paid like 80 kids a buck to go up to this kid, Nathan, and say, hey, nice hat. So what's the problem? Nathan wasn't wearing a hat. If 80 kids say you're wearing a hat, you start thinking, maybe I'm wearing a hat. And watching him wrestle with that made me feel good. I took the most valuable thing he had, his mind. That's the idea behind social puppeteering. Any questions? i don't think there was a dud in this whole episode like the last sketch of the night it was um 80s character kid character who wanders into a porno scene that's right that's right.Track 4:[33:06] Oh, my gosh. So that's how they ended the night. Adam did a great job at bad acting in that sketch. But that's like, I don't think there were any misses his first hosting gig, which is rare for a first timer. Like sometimes even the great ones, you look at their first time and you're like, okay, there were like some bumps in the road. But I don't think there was like a bump in the road here, Ashley. No, I agree. And I think this shows how much faith and trust that the writers had in him as well to give him such big sketches for his first time hosting.Track 4:[33:40] So whatever they saw early in the week, I think really built that rapport and that trust because they did. They just kept giving him just like amazing sketch after amazing sketch. And he completely delivered on it. Like some of these, you know, could potentially have been duds, but I think he kind of took them across the finish line. And I think this was also our first glimpse into seeing the comedic chemistry he was going to have with Cecily Strong, like just how perfect they were in sketches together. They're so funny. And I'm glad that we got some more with them later when he came back. Yeah, 100%. So it didn't take that long for him to come back. Three seasons, which isn't that much. Season 44, he led off. It was the season premiere of season 44. And he wasn't done any favors with this one I don't think right off the bat Because they did.Track 4:[34:34] Such a long it was a brett kavanaugh cold open matt damon came on and played brett kavanaugh and i enjoyed it but it was so long i think it just kind of messed with like the timing of the show and the tempo and the vibe um so that was kind of weird like excited about the season premiere but like the brett kavanaugh thing had just happened um the the whole like uh the the hearing to try to see if they would confirm him for supreme court justice and so that was very topical, but it just went on for so long and it seemed like they were just playing catch up the entire night, but there were like some good stuff, including arguably the best sketch of the whole era. One of the best sketches of the entire era happened to this in this episode. So, so still like a great perform, great outing by, by Adam. Yeah, you're right. I mean, how do you follow Matt Damon playing completely?Track 4:[35:30] Shout out to Melissa Villasenor, white male rage character in Brett Kavanaugh. It kind of did monopolize the show. It took a really long time. And living in DC, I've gotten to see oral arguments now. And that has ruined me because listening to Justice Kavanaugh ask questions during oral argument, I'm sitting there trying not to giggle and break my bearing because all I can picture is Matt Damon playing him in Saturday Night Live but yeah like it was so hard I think to follow that such an aggressive.Track 4:[36:03] Tone although come to think of it maybe Adam was the perfect one to follow that because he is so intense and aggressive and we got um oh my gosh what was the character's name I remember Pete's name was like Mordecai in this are you talking about Abraham H Parnassus yes thank you oh my god yeah so we get your i think yeah one of the greatest sketches of the era maybe all time um i think anyone i talked to about adam driver doing snl this sketch always comes up i think more than any of the other ones and for good reason i keep talking about his commitment and dedication like this is exhibits a through like z right here everyone else is just dying and losing it in this sketch pete especially right in front of him and he doesn't blink he He doesn't flinch, he doesn't hesitate, like just utter commitment to staying in this character. Mr. Parnassus, why don't you tell us about what you do for a living? Hear me now, children. For my occupation is of much import. For 82 years, I've been an oil man, a baron, some have called me. Now what does an oil baron do? The answer?Track 4:[37:18] Crush your enemies grind their bones into dirt make them regret they were ever born oh sick yes speaking of my shout out to melissa v and senor a minute ago i think she kind of like she's the perfect side person for this sketch because her reactions to him oh my god we're so perfect i think her reactions are some are just as funny as him playing this um oil bear she's like yeah like jp higgins sucks like this is some of the best acting i think that adam's ever done honestly like in movies and girls uh this to me this career day sketch like can rival any of his best acting in that he's done in movies because commitment he was yelling about like crushing your enemy enemies and his feud with hr pickings i love these names for old oil like that's perfect um you mentioned melissa i think she was the one who said i want to be you when i grow up and then adam delivers perfectly and so you shall he gets like all intense it's like it's so ridiculous and pete knew how ridiculous and awesome it was gonna be because as soon as adam started i think even before when he just came out i think pete just looked at him and was like oh god he like kind of started giggling yeah uh pete loses it immediately Adam doesn't even open his mouth, and Pete's completely lost it.Track 4:[38:46] Yeah, this is Beloved for Good Reason. Career Day, he plays, again, Abraham H. Parnassus, which is right up there with Kylo Ren, whatever his character's name was in Marriage Story. I forgot, I liked him in that.Track 4:[39:03] Just anything, Adam from Girls, it just rivals to me. It rivals anything. I absolutely love this sketch. It is up there as far as like an essential, just amazing sketch from this whole era. So that's the first one that you got to shout out, right? Oh, for sure. I want to know if he improvised the part toward the end of that sketch where he throws the bird down on the floor and starts impaling it with his cane. Because everyone else's reaction in that room is like genuine shock and terror. And then kind of like trying not to crack up. And I think it appears to me, based on those reactions, either they were just so perfectly committed to nailing those reactions, or that was improv, because they seemed to not know that he was about to do it, which makes it even better. Yeah, yeah.Track 4:[39:54] Yeah, there's another one. Well, you had mentioned that he and Cecily had developed a rapport from the previous episode. And another one I liked from this, again, total commitment. There's anger, drama on both Adam and Cecily's part. It was that coffee shop one where they're drinking Domenico's coffee that they were told was actually Burger King coffee. And just Adam and Cecily's just dialing it up. They're dialing up the anger, dialing up the drama, all the way to 11. This is a fun sketch, I think. But the fun thing is, is that you actually drank BK Joe. Well, probably everyone else's is a BK Joe, but mine wasn't. I'm a Domenico's girl. My new wife is a Domenico's girl. Okay, sure, but that coffee is BK Joe. And get this, it costs just $1.99.Track 4:[40:48] $1.99? You better take that back, you pervert! Whoa, sir, there is no need for that. You fed my wife this garbage? Huh? This burger juice? How dare you? The day after our wedding. You came here the day after our wedding? And I'm already laughing because I love this sketch so much that to this day, I will be out getting coffee with my husband, and if we go to a new coffee shop, I'll be like, mm-mm, I'm a Dominico's girl. And I just completely start cracking myself up again. Yeah, he's so embarrassed to be around me, my poor husband. No, he's great, but he just knows me so well by now. He knows to expect it. But yeah, every time, like, mm-mm. No, I'm a Dominico's girl.Track 4:[41:30] That's awesome. Yeah, it's just sad that, like, Cecily does. And Adam found a true kind of, almost like his twin on the show in some ways, just in Cecily. Like, they worked off each other so well. like it was we saw that with the aladdin one before that but yeah this this sketch is like uh they're they're fueling each other like one neither of them are the straight person they're just like building off the other one's anger and rage and drama and it's just it's fantastic so uh we've learned today that ashley's a dominico's girl so and that this is a fun sketch, um those were yeah those were a couple highlights um i don't know if there's any more with this episode not many sketches like i said because it just got off to kind of a long start with the with a really long cold open, Yeah, so I'm glad that they gave him so many good ones for his first hosting gig. Obviously, I don't know that they were this prophetic to know that they wouldn't really have this chance the next time he hosted. But I think, you know, I think it was okay to kind of have a little bit more of a dud. And no fault to his own.Track 4:[42:43] But then, of course, you know, the next time we see him, the next two times we see him, I think they make up for it again. Oh, boy, do they. Yeah, no, this is like a classic. It seems like a classic episode. Um season 45 so he comes back the next season uh season 45 episode 11 um this one actually has my favorite monologue um by adam and actually one of my favorite monologues of this whole era i think um and adam's trying his best to be chill and he says he hates red carpet stuff because he's bad at smiling and then he's like uh walking toward the camera and staring into the camera But the whole conceit is just like, I'm just going to try to be chill for this monologue up here. And it's just Adams can't do chill very well, actually.Track 4:[43:34] No, not so much. And I think this shows how self-deprecating he is, too. And I know we see this. They do this every now and then for those actors that maybe kind of get a certain reputation in the media about how their personality is. And they come on SNL to debunk this myth that this is how they really are, but then ultimately the formula of the sketch is to just really prove everybody right at the end of the day. I'm not an intense guy. I'm actually very chill. So tonight I'm just going to be myself, open up a bit, and be chill. Can we get some chill music? No, I don't like that. Can you play something else?Track 4:[44:17] Okay, I like that less. Can you go back to the first one? Okay, that's fine. You can hear that's better, right? Okay, good. Anyway, I'm very chill, and I'm just gonna prove it. I'm just gonna, you know, Take my time up here, be myself, and enjoy this moment.Track 4:[44:37] Yeah, I think he does this so well, too, again, because, again, starting from the beginning, I'm super chill. Three notes into the song that he asks the band to play. No, I don't like that. Change it.Track 4:[44:50] Like, five notes into the second one. Actually, no, I like this less. Go back. He's just being this, like, demanding diva. um and i know i talked a little bit earlier about like his first monologue and kind of how he was interacting with the other cast members but yeah this one you're right he's interacting with the band he's interacting with the cameras he does the awkward sit next to the audience member kind of thing and tries to yeah i can sit and talk to the people and then just kind of gives him this action figure thing and if i see this on ebay i'm gonna kill you um it's just yes you're it's so memorable so funny yeah these are the types of monologues in my opinion that all-time great hosts do like i can see steve martin tom hanks alec baldwin like any of the all-time greats just holding court in a monologue like that looking so comfortable so confident they're owning the main stage they're owning home base there in studio 8h and this is just a throwback back to like this is a monologue that that i watch and i'm going like this guy is an all-time great and this is something that makes me confident in calling him like a top 10 host ever is because of something like this like it's it's just it's just it was just so fun to watch it it's like one of those monologues honestly that like made me makes me uh reaffirms why i like watching snl because i get to see something great like this.Track 4:[46:18] Yeah, and it's something that could have just completely failed if he didn't have the ability to carry it. Like, he carries this entire monologue that could have been so awkward and just nails it. It's quiet. It's just him. He's interacting with these other people and entities, but they're not really engaging back with him. Like, he's carrying this whole monologue, and it's funny from start to finish. And I just think that, yeah, it really goes to show how talented he is at this. And it's so fun to see. Yeah, people, you need to go back and watch his monologue from season 45, episode 11. To me, it's like up there with like some of the better like Martin Short monologues or hosts like that. It's pretty awesome. So I was in New York this weekend.Track 4:[47:05] And my wife and I were leaving our luggage at our hotel to go like do some sightseeing before we had to get back and then go to the airport. They told us how much it was. they said that they didn't take card and I looked at my wife and I was like oh man I'm all out of cash so so that made me that reminded me of such a classic sketch from from this episode Ashley that was a that was a shaggy a little shaggy dog way to get to to get to this Del Taco sketch, I love it oh my gosh did you pick this sketch because of my prior comments about Kyle Mooney a little bit, i mean because part of me is like oh another kyle mooney sketch but then well like the evil part of me is like oh this entire sketch is like designed to absolutely humiliate him 100 yeah and i will say i end up i do end up feeling so bad for him by the end of it when he's like fake crying um because they make him say the line like 100 times over again and it's still wrong and they're just telling him how bad he is at it yeah yeah let's hear it oh man i'm I'm all out of cash. Aw, man, I'm all out of cash. No, you don't want to kill yourself. You just want to talk about it.Track 4:[48:18] You should be like, aw, man, I'm all out of cash. Okay. Now say it. Aw, man, I'm all out of cash. Aw, man, I'm all out of cash. No, you're not a pervert. He's got to get out of his head. I think we just got to beat the hell out of this guy. No, no, no, no, we can't. Aw, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. I know, sir. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Adam plays such a great, like, he plays the VP of branding for Del Taco. Del Taco. They're shooting a Del Taco commercial. Beck's the director. Chloe Fineman. It's an early, I guess, early Chloe Fineman. I was surprised. I actually kind of forgot that Chloe was in this sketch. So it's early Chloe Fineman and Adam or Kyle are playing these two actors. And he and Kyle has to say the line, oh man, I'm at it all out of cash. And Beck's trying to coach him.Track 4:[49:09] And You don't want to kill yourself. You just want a taco. You're not a pervert. Just all these different things. He looks at Beck and he's like, I think we just got to beat the hell out of this guy. And then he's like, put your shirt on your head like Cornholio. Take your pants off. Like Cornholio. I love that. He just kind of slid that in. We all know who he's talking about. The great Cornholio. This is another classic So like You can watch all four of his Episodes and I think there's like Classics from the era Yeah, in each one of those episodes. And to me, this is one of them. This Del Taco commercial shoot. I think immediately, Ashley, I looked online when it happened and people were repeating that line right away. It became an instant classic. So where does I say, oh, I'm a Domenico's girl. You're the, oh, I'm all out of cash. No, it's like, oh, man, I'm all out of cash.Track 4:[50:21] Please don't make me do it like Cornholio. You just crack each other up drinking Domenico's while eating Del Taco. That would be it. Yes. That would be a fun time. What else do you need? They also did, Ashley, a sequel to a sketch that we both loved from his first gig. It's the undercover boss, Where Are They Now? So how did you feel about part two of this undercover boss? I really liked it. It's always so hard to do a sequel to anything. I was just so happy to have him back. Um i didn't think it was quite as good as the first one that may be in a popular opinion, um but i think i've probably just built up in my head so much like the perfection that is the first one that yeah you know there's no way to ever really compare it um but yeah obviously it was such a favorite they knew they had to bring it back for the fans i'm so glad they did yeah well it got a huge cheer when the sketch started it got a huge cheer so we showed how beloved the The last one was immediately they showed Adam as Kylo and everybody just start shooting because they knew what they were in for pretty much. And then it has a gif that that kind of lives on toward the end when he's giving that strained kind of thumbs up at the at the end of the sketch. So for nothing else, like I thought this was a pretty good sketch, but then like that thumbs up kind of lives on.Track 4:[51:44] Yeah, I mean, again, no shade to Adam Driver. I think he nails it again. I think it's kind of just more some of the other people. Bobby Moynihan, just not sure enough sucks. Like, when you go from that to, like, everybody else, you don't have Leslie Jones anymore, you know. Maybe I'm just biased again because I loved those actors so much. But, yeah, if nothing else, at least now our world is blessed with that gif of the author of Thumbs Up. There's a series of sketches that I think Adam's, like, a perfect host to play. So it's the science science room sketches and he could play really annoyed, like very, very well. Uh, so, so he plays the host of the science room. Of course you have like Mikey and Cecily is their little kid characters who, who are just like the most annoying little kids. But isn't Adam not perfect for something like this? Oh my God. Yes. Cause again, just his complete ability to, and he times the escalation of his aggression. So wow. Like he doesn't come out of the gate at a hundred. Like he really knows how to just dial it up a little bit more, a little bit more each time. And you see that with this, like at first he's like so happy about the kids and seems like, you know, a TV host that's going to be so natural and doing a science show with kids. And then just completely ends it with like wanting to absolutely murder these dumb children. And he's throwing the tape like through the window and.Track 4:[53:11] Um, again, just Cecily, like, I think she helps carry that through, like her comedic timing and delivery of the, you know, somewhat inappropriate comments about what her sister says about what happens in the science room. Always. Yeah. It's always something she, she repeats what her sister says. What comes first in the science room? Um, the guy, the guy. Yeah. My, my older sister said the guy like always comes first oh my god no no that's not what that means the guy does not come first here the girl comes first no my sister said the girl never comes it's safety safety comes first.Track 4:[53:56] That was an awful conversation we just had adam had the best response uh he just sort of casually goes like that was an awful conversation we just had it was like the way he said it was like i was like the voice for us like yeah that was somebody like called it out yeah i love it i love when snl does that too um i think by one of my favorite examples of that is uh again kind of going a little off topic i apologize but the larry david episode where they're doing the fbi training and pete davidson just simply repeats what larry david said with this like like incredulous like just demeanor like did he just say can a bitch get a donut and it's like the audience yeah you're right it's just really repeating what the audience is thinking in that moment it seems so simple but it's.Track 4:[54:50] Kind of i think it makes the audience like oh yeah that's right yeah this is funny because this is exactly what i'm thinking and i think adam did the same thing in this sketch yeah for sure that's like a mikey day street or side l kind of thing too i think yeah yeah like the audience perspective um in that as well though uh yeah just a wonderful uh the science room they've done that a few times and you need those like great actors who can like pull off that sort of frustration that like escalating sort of frustration that adam did um i have one more that i think that i really love from this uh from this episode i don't know if you have anything from his third hosting gig that that we should go over um no yeah those are kind of the big ones for me i think we might be thinking about the next the same next sketch though the only other one i can think about from this uh episode well mine was um it's an example of a sketch that has a ridiculous premise and kind of really works because of someone like adam i guess adam and cecily again and it's the marrying ketchups sketch yes that they did at the end of the night and it's just like of course at a restaurant one of the closing duties married the ketchups or whatever so they're pretending to like have a wedding with the ketchups and So basically Adam and Cecily are playing these catch-ups. I think Kyle comes in as like Cholula or something.Track 4:[56:17] But this is such a dumb, dumb premise that I find really entertaining.Track 4:[56:22] And it's basically because of Adam and Cecily. So them as a duo I find really entertaining performing a really dramatic dumb scene.Track 4:[56:33] Wanda, I know you're only a quarter full and I'm three quarters full. But together it won't matter We'll just be one full ketchup No, we won't Because I'm not ketchup at all, i'm catsup what did you just say you heard me.Track 4:[56:54] You're telling me i've been gallivanting around town with some cheap off-brand generic ketchup, don't you dare you're not even heinz you dirty hunt you're really gonna call me a hunt in front of my family i love it because it's supposed to be like this dramatic.Track 4:[57:12] Like almost marriage story-esque you're right and um he's yelling at her and the puns are just chef's kiss like you're right it could be so dumb it could be so bad but they nailed it like i don't relish telling you this but like it's like come on like please um and i think it it was heidi gardner who was it was heidi who was yeah heidi was the manager i think heidi bryant played the manager yes yes and it's um cecily almost she kind of breaks a little bit when she like breaks off the label and realize it reveals that she's catsup and not ketchup and he's just appalled um and then they have the little like ketchup packet baby i can't like everything about out this sketch is so funny to me but i do kind of like dumb humor yeah no absolutely no dumb humor is great especially on snl it's like i don't know like the commitment just to just to really to sell something dumb is just like it's one of the reasons why i do love the show is just to see these just sometimes you see these people sell the most ridiculous thing and it's It's like they're just putting themselves out there to look stupid and to have fun. That's a lot of reason why I watch the show. And something like this, it's just like it's perfectly executed in that.Track 4:[58:40] Oh yeah and like when she she starts kind of pushing back she's like well at least i don't have to slap him on the back for him to perform yeah yeah oh that's that so we were both thinking the same thing that's marrying catch-ups that was the last uh it was like a 10 to 1 it was the last uh sketch of the night um very great episode his third one we had a classic monologue the del taco commercial shoot was classic some other like really fun sketches um adam got to show his acting chops a lot in the medieval times sketch adam got to show like some really over dramatic fun acting like a like adam driver does um so really really strong third outing people were clamoring for him to come back it's just like he's showing that he's an all-time great already but we need him back and when they announced him and kate hosting i think they hosted like back to back they were part of a batch of uh announcements it was like okay we're in for something special uh so adam came back this past season in season 49 um and i think one of these sketches was probably my top two sketches of the season and adam played it perfectly but the but this was like a i think season 49 was maybe kind of an up and down episode but.Track 4:[1:00:05] To me this was like had a lot of highs compared to a lot of the other episodes of this season but like when you saw adam was coming back like excitement oh yeah definitely like i said you know he he came out just from his his very first season of hosting and was so good at it.Track 4:[1:00:22] If he just kept getting better and better every time they've announced him, I've been so, so excited. I'm going to be even more excited if they announce him for a fifth hosting gig, but yeah, definitely always excited to have him back.Track 4:[1:00:38] Yeah. So, so I think, I think some fans felt like it was bumpy to start the season. And then we were like, Oh, Adam's coming back and Kate McKinnon's coming to host. Like, so this, this really like, I think rejuvenated a lot of people.Track 4:[1:00:51] And, um, the sketch that I want, that I wanted to bring up first was like, uh, maybe my favorite sketch of the season. There's another one with Kristen, in the Jumanji sketch was up there too um but beep beep um with Adam and uh Andrew just mukes essentially kind of facing off in this sketch like Andrew's honestly my favorite current cast member to so to see Andrew and his weird humor uh his kind of intense silly humor play off of adam so well uh in this sketch which is like it's kind of a dumb premise like two guys are like putting their dishes on the table and saying excuse me beep beep so they use the word beep beep and then adam and andrew get there at the same time and they say beep beep and then it starts getting tense it's like a tense standoff i'm sorry boys is everything all right everything's fine sweetie i said beep beep no no no no no no i said beep beep no no no no no no i don't think you understand see i'm a little car right now and i'm honking at you with my little horn.Track 4:[1:02:12] Beep beep you couldn't get two better people one you couldn't get a better host two you couldn't andrew was the perfect cast member to pull this off so beep beep ashley maybe my favorite sketch at least in the top two of the season oh yeah i think that one really threw me off i didn't think, you know it was gonna be as good as it was when it kind of first starts like oh here's another like holiday get together type sketch you know they do these all the time um but oh my gosh Gosh, you're right. I do feel like Andrew Dismutes has been kind of this like dark horse, this silent assassin where you didn't really –.Track 4:[1:02:47] He's so kind of quiet and unassuming, seemingly, that you think he's just going to be hiding in the background. But I remember being so impressed with how well he held his own with Adam Driver in this scene. Adam is so intense. He's so experienced. And Andrew Dismukes is still kind of new. And you could not tell. and I know you got a little of that too when he had that sketch with Ryan Gosling where Ryan's trying to like bail on the engagement and I feel like you get kind of that same Andrew Dismukes with Adam Driver in the Beat Beats sketch, and yeah like that same just perfection of escalating it at the right time, but also I think anyone who's been to like a dinner party with their parents was like oh my god yes like this This is the cringy stuff that dads do with each other. But to see the twist of it turning into this, like, fight to the death is so funny. One of them must relent.Track 4:[1:03:54] Yeah, it's just, I'm a sucker, just in my time as an SNL fan, I'm such a sucker for silly premises that take dramatic, tense turns. Like, as you mentioned, it's a silly premise. this you know dumb dads are just like goofy dads i should say uh just kind of doing their thing and i just love when those types of slice of life kind of things take such a dramatic turn and it's just tense and you see andrew looking at him just staring into like adam's soul and like i said beep beep and it's just like it turns like such like cold tense like wow okay like that escalated. I'm a sucker for that, Ashley. Out of like the different sketch types, that's one of my absolute favorites. Oh, yeah, I think it goes back to what we were talking about the juxtaposition of, you know, where they like for the pre taper, they do something so calm and kind of sweet. And then it turns into this like epic, like, rage type scene, you know, next. And obviously, this is a little bit of a different formula, but they write the same idea of something that could be so dumb, but that everybody connects with everyone thinks is funny, because they've executed it so well. And then you just have Caden come in and he shows his gun like just takes it from a hundred to like a million.Track 4:[1:05:14] I just oh my god yeah perfect way to end it because sometimes I do take issue you know they're not really quite sure how to end really good sketches sometimes, and sometimes there's just this kind of awkward fade away but not with this one like start to finish, I think it's James Austin Johnson is one of the people in the back like kind of like Like, yeah, explaining, no, no, no, like, this, once they said beep beep, you cannot relent, like you said. Yeah, beep beep, I'll continue to spread the good word about this sketch, because it immediately, like, impressed me and floored me. It was awesome. Yeah, this episode was one of my favorites of the season, probably. You had him and Bowen as that gay couple that just told their friends like that they're trying. I'm so, so happy for you. So tell all now, what's your plan? Are you gonna adopt? No, we're just gonna try. Oh, so then you're doing the surrogate route. That's great. Huh, surrogacy. Well, maybe down the line, but for now we're just gonna try. Trying so uh don't come knocking on our door either oh.Track 4:[1:06:34] Heidi michael sarah and andrew all asking them like so how are you are you adopting he's like no we're just trying okay like yeah so i just love their like him and bowen just kind of casually just throwing out that they're trying so that was something else that stood out to me i mean anything with bowen of course he's so good at playing off anybody as well like he's so versatile i love it yeah no yeah what'd you think about this episode as a whole and anything that like that you may have enjoyed i yeah i mean obviously yeah the beat beat was the one that stood out to me the most so we were trying um the old friends one was really funny but kind of like reaching out hadn't heard from somebody in a while like that would also kind of take like a really dark turn. But yeah, you know, I feel like.Track 4:[1:07:26] This episode showed a little bit more that they don't always like the sketches don't always have to be him front center. Like he can also, I think play like the side guy, the side person and, you know, really still contribute and, and not just be somebody who's hiding in the corner or they're not just throwing him in because he's the host. Um, and he wants a certain amount of screen time. And I think he ends up really contributing to everything that he's in, whether he's front and center or he's playing one of the side characters. And I think we've got probably a few more sketches, I'd say, where he was the side character in this one. Or maybe even a little bit calmer sometimes. Yeah, especially toward the end. Yeah, there was like a PSA, which is like elderly people saying like, stop pranking me, basically. So you have all these elderly people. Yeah. And Adam was just part of an ensemble there. Tiny Ass Bag ended the night. And Adam was just sort of part of the sketch. But he's front and center when he's playing a baby on an airplane. Oh my god, yes. Adam's front and center for that one. Okay, yeah.Track 4:[1:08:32] I mean, that's an example of a sketch that could go off the rails so quickly if the host isn't selling it. And Adam is selling it. It's just his face because basically he's sticking his head through an airplane seat and then it's like a little baby's body. So it's just Adam facial expressions as far as like his ears hurt and, his mom is playing like a Peekaboo or not peekaboo, but like showing him his toy and like where'd it go and then Adams like oh my god he's like so this is just total like facial acting just commitment and another sketch that could really go off the rails unless It's like a confident really great host. I've been there before raised three on my own. How old is he? Oh.Track 4:[1:09:22] I'm 11 months oh oh wow you mean 11 months in like 15 000 days my ears feel strange.Track 4:[1:09:36] It's okay honey that's just the pressure from being up high yeah no my ears they feel different i don't like it, it's okay here do you want your ipad sweetie the peppa pig device that is the only thing i want, and i think too like this shows like he's so willing to not take himself too seriously like the sketches that he's taken on and agreed to do and then just absolutely nailed i think shows that like he's not afraid of looking silly he's not afraid of being stupid um and you're right kind of taking these premises that coul

Starlight Reunion Radio
Ep 229 - LVCKY13 - Drum and Bass Mix - Starlight Thursdays Episode 229

Starlight Reunion Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 5, 2024 70:03


Episode 229 Welcome LVCKY 13 to the series with this fire Drum and Bass mix. Let's take a closer look into LVCKY 13 How long have you been DJing?  * 2 Years  Why did you get into it? * Inadvertently via production.  I was a techy kid growing up.  I liked building and tinkering with electronics.  I liked building computers, gaming, scripting, etc.  Got into some robotics/programming in high school.  I studied Electrical and Computer Engineering in college.  It's all rather cumulative. I just had a DAW and liked messing around, creating sounds, mini songs, mini mixes (like big booty type stuff), etc during COVID.  I then met my current significant other Caitlyn, and she introduced me to the world of festivals, raving, and DJ's.  I was really only exposed to one side of the bigger picture. I loved the music these people made, the sounds they came up with, studios they worked in, gear they used etc.  I wasn't a raver.  There wasn't a scene like that where i came from and where I grew up.  So the raves and festivals and stuff was all super foreign, but once I saw the other half of the puzzle, I was like “Damn, this is pretty Rad” What events have you played? * Everland Music Festival * The Underground at Club Zebra Where do you live (generally)?  * Bozeman, MT Where are you from originally? * Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania What inspires you about electronic music culture? * It transcends language (like 85% of the time haha).  But you and I don't have to speak the same language to dance to a beat at the same rhythm which each other.  I love that we can share an experience simultaneously with someone and speak no words, but be fully on the same wavelength together.  It's pretty neat.  I'm an audiofile too so hearing the best crafted tunes on the best quality speaker systems is super enjoyable.  I also like to think the pillars and foundations of the EDM community are pretty cool because it seems people actively try to be outwardly kind and considerate to each other which promotes a good place for people to come hang and enjoy the music. What genres are in your mix?  * Drum and Bass  (Dancefloor, Neurofunk, Darkstep, Jump-Up) Can you tell us a little bit about your mix?  * This is a through and through Drum and Bass mix.  174 from start to finish.  I've seen the shift in sets and energy over the past couple years in DJ sets and I really have been excited seeing DnB grow within the U.S Scene.  Artists dropping big time edits in sets, collabs across genres with artists, and even just tours/availability for big shows. This set is my take on just a few of the best tracks mixed with some of my personal faves.  It's littered with classics old and new, edits and flips from artists big and small on soundcloud, and even a couple of my own tracks in there.  I love the energy and pace DnB has, and it has such a rich extensive history to the music and breaks/beats that form it. I wanted to play a fun set highlighting the essence of DnB and what I think the Genre is and how it's intended to be spun.  Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoy the set

BIC TALKS
330. Confronting Capitalism

BIC TALKS

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 2, 2024 46:25


What went wrong with capitalism? Ruchir Sharma's account is not like any you will have heard before. He says progressives are right, in part, when they mock modern capitalism as “socialism for the rich.” For a century, governments have expanded in just about every measurable dimension, from spending to regulation and the scale of financial rescues when the economy wobbles. The result is expensive state guarantees for everyone—bailouts for the rich, entitlements for the middle class, welfare for the poor. Taking you back to the 19th century, Sharma shows how completely the reflexes of government have changed: from hands-off to hands-on, from doing too little to help anyone in hard times to today trying to prevent anyone suffering any economic pain, ever. Trading sins of omission and indifference for excesses of spending and meddling, governments from the United States to Europe and Japan have pumped so much money into their economies that financial markets can no longer invest all that capital efficiently. Inadvertently, they have fueled the rise of monopolies, “zombie” firms, and billionaires. They have made capitalism less fair and less efficient, which is slowing economic growth and fueling popular anger. The first step to a cure is a correct diagnosis of the problem. Capitalism has been badly distorted by constant government intervention and the relentless spread of a bailout culture. Building an even bigger state will only double down on what ruined capitalism in the first place. In this episode of BIC Talks, the author, Ruchir Sharma, will be in conversation with Chairman and Co-founder, Infosys and Founding Chairman UIDAI (Aadhaar), Nandan Nilekani. This is an excerpt from a conversation that took place in the BIC premises in August 2024. Subscribe to the BIC Talks Podcast on your favorite podcast app! BIC Talks is available everywhere, including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Castbox, Overcast, Audible and Amazon Music.

Let's Get Legal
Vogelzang Law: How workers can inadvertently bring home asbestos from their workplace

Let's Get Legal

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 10, 2024


Michelle T. Pawlowski, Litigation Associate Attorney at Vogelzang Law, joins Jon Hansen on Let’s Get Legal! Michelle and Jon talk about the development of Mesothelioma, the investigation of cases, and what clients should look for in an attorney. How Michael Madigan’s case will be affected by the overturning of the bribery conviction of former Indiana […]

Free Agent Lifestyle
How Women Inadvertently Set The Dating Bar Too Low & Relationship Bar TOO HIGH

Free Agent Lifestyle

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 9, 2024 171:47


How Women Inadvertently Set The Dating Bar Too Low & Relationship Bar TOO HIGH Coach Greg Adams YouTube Channel Free Agent Lifestyle YouTube Channel

Cofield and Company
8/6 H1 - Inadvertently Drowned

Cofield and Company

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 7, 2024 43:07


2024 Paris Olympics update with Team USA's 1-0 victory over Germany in Women's Soccer and 122-87 victory over Brazil in Basketball. Gardner Minshew's positive comments on the Las Vegas Raiders' offense during training camp Danny Smyth and Graig Salerno make a wager  

NTD Good Morning
Biden, Trump Prepare Debate Strategies; SCOTUS ‘Inadvertently' Releases Opinion on Abortion Case | NTD Good Morning

NTD Good Morning

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2024 92:10


NTD Good Morning—6/27/20241. Biden, Trump Camps Preview Debate Strategies2. SCOTUS ‘Inadvertently' Releases Opinion on Abortion Case3. SCOTUS Sides With Biden Admin. in Social Media Case4. DHS: Border Arrests Down 40% Since Executive Action5. House Moves to Block Mayorkas' Salary6. Alleged July 4th Shooter Backs out of Plea Deal7. Millions Persecuted for Belief Across Globe: Report8. Bolivia Arrests General for Coup Attempt9. Honduras Ex-President Sentenced for Drug Trafficking10. Preview of Tonight's Presidential Debate11. NYC Schools Consider Ban on Cellphones12. MTA Votes to Halt Congestion Pricing13. Swollen River Claims House Next to Minnesota Dam14. Fed Test Shows Banks More Vulnerable This Year15. NASA Weighs Options for Starliner's Return to Earth16. Whistleblower Says He Warned Boeing on 787 Flaws17. Toy Depot Presents ‘Geekin Out Superhero Event'18. World's Tallest Male Dog Dies Just After Securing Record19. New Asylum Rule's Effect on Illegal Crossings20. US Report Highlights Persecution of Falun Gong in China21. Voters Share Their Thoughts Ahead of First 2024 Debate22. Congressional Hearings Zero in on CCP Subversion23. Economist: Trades Offer Opportunities for Gen Z24. ESA Scientists Building Lego-Like ‘Space Bricks'25. Arizona Baby Picked as 2024 Gerber Baby 26. Restaurant in Barcelona Named 'World's Best'27. German Senior Volunteers at Euro 2024 Soccer Tournament28. Self-Taught Glass Blower Turns Recycled Glass Into Art

America On Trial
June 18th, 2024: The Biden-Harris Campaign Inadvertently Admits Its Lawfare Is Political

America On Trial

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 18, 2024 22:48


Josh Hammer takes us "around the horn" as usual before today's "deep dive" explains how the Biden-Harris presidential campaign has revealed its hand for all to see, in terms of the political nature of the Democrat-Lawfare Complex's multifront assault against Donald Trump. In running ads highlighting Trump's New York hush money case, the Biden-Harris campaign is giving away the game: It's all politics! Today's "closing argument" then unpacks a fascinating New York Times op-ed by the surgeon general of the United States. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Women of Faith in Leadership - Kingdom Leadership, Workplace Organisational culture, Christian women
065 | Managing Gossip as a Church Leader (Small Group Leader, Women's Ministry Leader, Children's Church Leader etc.)

Women of Faith in Leadership - Kingdom Leadership, Workplace Organisational culture, Christian women

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 17, 2024 37:07


Today, I'll tackle a tricky topic: gossip in the church. The one thing that I love about going to church is the fellowship. Talking freely with other Christians while enjoying a coffee or tea while the kids play. It's nice. And then, if you're lucky, you get to attend a weekly small group meeting where 5-10 people usually come together to either unpack the sermon of the week or to learn about and unpack a new topic. However, it's in this fellowship that gossip can become an issue. Satan will try and find a way to interject himself into Godly conversations and one way he does this is through gossip. …………………..………………….. One way that gossip masks itself is through concern. Let's use Sue as an example (fictional of course) Sue might know someone who is going through a tough time and then share her concern with others, causing people to talk about that person. Or Sue might know a piece of confidential information that someone might have shared with her and then share that with others by asking them to pray for that person. Inadvertently, Sue is creating a gossip culture, where no one in the church can feel safe anymore because they can't share any concerns with people they trust, for fear that it would be shared with others “out of concern” or because that person asked others to pray for them. …………………..………………….. Another way that gossip can mask itself is through the judgement and/or so called “empathy” towards others. I've always found it super interesting that Christians, in general, are so super judgemental of others when Jesus himself came and broke all thought patterns about judging others. And I'm 1000% including myself in this discussion, because I have found myself very guilty of this. When someone does something that we know is sinful or specifically mentioned in the bible as a no-go-zone, then we are quick to judge them, and it becomes a topic of discussion with others. "Oh, have you heard that Sue's teenage daughter is pregnant? Isn't it just such a shame? Sue must be so embarrassed." Or "/have you heard the sad news that Sue and Jo are getting a divorce? It's such a shame, isn't it? I feel so sorry for Sue, because rumour has it that Jo cheated on her." So, we're talking about others, seemingly feeling sorry for them, but in actual fact we're gossiping. …………………..………………….. Church communities can be small communities and the thing we know about communities is that there will always be people who love to know what is going on in the community with other people. So what can we as leaders in the church do about this? Is it even your duty to do something about this? Or should it just be the main leader, the pastor who as a duty of care?   No, I don't believe it should be.   I believe that God gave all of us the ability to speak up, to say no to gossip and to not stand for it. …………………..………………….. What does the bible say about gossip? Go and listen to episode 4 where I discuss in full what the bible says about gossip. Proverbs 18:21 reads: “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences” The Bible, both the Old and the New Testament, warns strongly against gossip and the effect that your words and your tongue can have. God, however, doesn't leave us in the lurch and say, “Figure it out by yourself”. No, in true God-style, He gives us the tools, “the antidote” if you will, for dealing with gossip and for dealing with the gossipers. …………………..………………….. Ephesians 4:32 “Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God through Christ has forgiven you. This verse requests that we be kind to each other, and tender-hearted (which according to Webster dictionary means compassionate) Forgive the person, just like Christ has forgiven you. …………………..………………….. Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Basically, stop the gossip with you, don't spread it any further. You can make the choice to not gossip anymore if this is an issue for you. ……………………………. Proverbs 20:19 tells us, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much As a leader, it is crucial that we do not betray someone's trust. Whatever is said to you should remain confidential, unless it's life-threatening and you are compelled to speak up to another leader, but do not utter a word to anyone else. Do not fall in that trap. ……………………………. Lastly 1 Timothy 18:15-18 reads: “If another believer sins against, you, go privately and point out the offence. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you may say be confirmed by two or three witnesses. In a church environment, this would translate to going directly to that person and asking them to stop spreading rumours and gossiping …………………..………………….. The main things that I would like you to take away from today's podcast is: Take gossip seriously, it can have long-term effects on you and the church Speak up against gossip, address it directly with the person/person's involved If you are struggling with gossip yourself, pray that the Lord will guide you and help you to stop, so that you can show integrity at church and not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. Join the Facebook Group Click here to join like-minded faith-driven leaders in our Women of Faith in Leadership Community.  1:1 Coaching Book a 1:1 coaching call with me Next steps:  1. Navigate to https://www.womenoffaithinleadership.com where you can: Join the community of like-minded female Christian leaders. This is where I will be hanging out if I'm not on the podcast chatting to you all. Come share and support each other here.  Subscribe to my newsletter so you can stay up to date with all upcoming episodes and any other exclusive or special offers. 2. If you need any support, you can get in contact with me for a 1:1 coaching session. Just email me at support@rikawhelan.com 3. Connect with me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rikawhelan

Information Morning Moncton from CBC Radio New Brunswick (Highlights)
Tantramer council inadvertently brings back restrictions on Sunday shopping

Information Morning Moncton from CBC Radio New Brunswick (Highlights)

Play Episode Listen Later May 17, 2024 6:18


Erica Butler is a reporter for CHMA in Sackville.

The Language of Play - Kids that Listen, Speech Therapy, Language Development, Early Intervention
141 How Do You Inadvertently Build Doubt Into Your Child? Here's One Way To Change Doubt Into Confidence!

The Language of Play - Kids that Listen, Speech Therapy, Language Development, Early Intervention

Play Episode Listen Later May 6, 2024 11:45


Hey Friends~  What is it that builds confidence in kids?  How do we inadvertently create doubt in our children?  Today's episode opens the door for seeing this process in physical movement.  The concepts are still the same when we talk about emotional courage or courage to express themselves.   Today, I will tell a true story that lays bare how our words can create an outcome - even if it is not what we intend!  Becoming aware is the first step to knowing exactly what you want to change.   Let's together build confident, courageous kids!   I am glad you are here!   If you haven't heard, I will be hosting a  Free Webinar  in just ONE week! This webinar is designed with you in mind -  if you wonder why doesn't my child listen - and you have been receiving speech therapy OR you have just wondered about your child!   Interestingly, the ability to listen and process has particular features that we can anticipate.  It's not always disobedience - at least in the sense of deliberate defiance.  Join the FREE Interactive Webinar!  "Beyond Obedience: Unveiling the Power of Listening in Kids,"  https://dinalynnr.systeme.io/workshop-free-2ddd5182   Always cheering you on!  Dinalynn CONTACT the Host, Dinalynn:  hello@thelanguageofplay.com   RESOURCES from The Language Of Play: Join the FREE Interactive Webinar!  "Beyond Obedience: Unveiling the Power of Listening in Kids,"  https://dinalynnr.systeme.io/workshop-free-2ddd5182 Sign up for my newsletter! Newsletter Opt-in Sign up for FREE 21 Days of Encouragement in your inbox!https://dinalynnr.systeme.io/1-21signup Join my Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557381098806 Sign up for a 15 min "Let's Meet Session" on zoom!  Let's Meet Session For Speaking Engagements or For 1:1 or Group Parent Coaching (virtual or live), contact me at hello@thelanguageofplay.com   If You Liked This Episode, You Will Want To Listen To These Episodes:  64 Are You Confident When Helping Your Child Produce Speech Sounds? 97 EXPERT: Nellie Hardin: Building Worth, Esteem And Confidence In Kids. A Must Listen! 120 Feeling Disconnected at Home? Coach Ambereen Shares 4 Ways to Build Stronger Family Bonds and Increase Joy 129 Theresa Alexander Inman:  Can You Read Your Child's Cues?  Understanding This Unlocks Confusion And Builds Connection

The FOX News Rundown
President Biden's Support For Israel Wavers After Aid Workers Inadvertently Killed

The FOX News Rundown

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2024 33:41


The border crisis continues, as mayors of Democratic cities call out leadership in Republican states such as Florida and Texas, for choosing to bus migrants north. This as President Biden has also come under fire over a recent phone call with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, where he called for a cease-fire following an Israeli strike that inadvertently killed aid workers in Gaza. Congresswoman Nicole Malliotakis (R-NY-11) joins the Rundown to discuss how New York City has handled the migrant crisis, gives her thoughts on the impeachment efforts against DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, and weighs in on President Biden's support for Israel.  There is still time for the candidates to win over Gen Z voters, with just a few months until Election Day. Tufts University estimates that 41 million people between the ages of 18 and 27 are eligible to vote this year. However, it may take more than a TikTok account or Twitter post to persuade them to head to the polls. In fact, persuading Gen Z folks of anything may prove to be a bigger challenge than with previous generations. Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University, Dr. Jean Twenge, joins the podcast to discuss her research on why Gen Z is more pessimistic than other generations, what both political parties misunderstand about young voters, and how the advent of smartphones has contributed to increased youth anxieties. Plus, commentary from FOX Across America host Jimmy Failla. (Image Via AP) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From Washington – FOX News Radio
President Biden's Support For Israel Wavers After Aid Workers Inadvertently Killed

From Washington – FOX News Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2024 33:41


The border crisis continues, as mayors of Democratic cities call out leadership in Republican states such as Florida and Texas, for choosing to bus migrants north. This as President Biden has also come under fire over a recent phone call with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, where he called for a cease-fire following an Israeli strike that inadvertently killed aid workers in Gaza. Congresswoman Nicole Malliotakis (R-NY-11) joins the Rundown to discuss how New York City has handled the migrant crisis, gives her thoughts on the impeachment efforts against DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, and weighs in on President Biden's support for Israel.  There is still time for the candidates to win over Gen Z voters, with just a few months until Election Day. Tufts University estimates that 41 million people between the ages of 18 and 27 are eligible to vote this year. However, it may take more than a TikTok account or Twitter post to persuade them to head to the polls. In fact, persuading Gen Z folks of anything may prove to be a bigger challenge than with previous generations. Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University, Dr. Jean Twenge, joins the podcast to discuss her research on why Gen Z is more pessimistic than other generations, what both political parties misunderstand about young voters, and how the advent of smartphones has contributed to increased youth anxieties. Plus, commentary from FOX Across America host Jimmy Failla. (Image Via AP) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fox News Rundown Evening Edition
President Biden's Support For Israel Wavers After Aid Workers Inadvertently Killed

Fox News Rundown Evening Edition

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2024 33:41


The border crisis continues, as mayors of Democratic cities call out leadership in Republican states such as Florida and Texas, for choosing to bus migrants north. This as President Biden has also come under fire over a recent phone call with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, where he called for a cease-fire following an Israeli strike that inadvertently killed aid workers in Gaza. Congresswoman Nicole Malliotakis (R-NY-11) joins the Rundown to discuss how New York City has handled the migrant crisis, gives her thoughts on the impeachment efforts against DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, and weighs in on President Biden's support for Israel.  There is still time for the candidates to win over Gen Z voters, with just a few months until Election Day. Tufts University estimates that 41 million people between the ages of 18 and 27 are eligible to vote this year. However, it may take more than a TikTok account or Twitter post to persuade them to head to the polls. In fact, persuading Gen Z folks of anything may prove to be a bigger challenge than with previous generations. Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University, Dr. Jean Twenge, joins the podcast to discuss her research on why Gen Z is more pessimistic than other generations, what both political parties misunderstand about young voters, and how the advent of smartphones has contributed to increased youth anxieties. Plus, commentary from FOX Across America host Jimmy Failla. (Image Via AP) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Self-Employed Life
935: Coaching Break – Beware of Mindset Gaps

The Self-Employed Life

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 20, 2024 14:43


Inadvertently, we can often create mindset gaps that are holding us back without realizing it. These gaps are subtle but oh such a powerful block. These gaps are often similar to the idea, "Do as I say and not as I do." We need to do as we say and more importantly, we need to do as we expect others to do. Otherwise, we create a mindset gap. Contact Jeffrey – Take the Self-Doubt Survey   Website Books   Watch my TEDx LincolnSquare video and please share!  Valuable resources to help you – The Self-Employed Business Institute You know you're really good at what you do. You're talented, you have a skill set. The problem is you're probably in a field where there is no business education. This is common amongst self-employed people! And, there's no business education out there for us! You also know that being self-employed is unique and you need better strategies, coaching, support, and accountability. The Self-Employed Business Institute, a five-month online education is exactly what you need. Check it out! Take The Self-Employed Assessment! Ever feel like you're all over the place? Or frustrated it seems like you have everything you need for your business success but it's somehow not coming together? Take this short quiz to discover the biggest hidden gap that's keeping you from having a thriving Self-Employed Ecosystem. You'll find out what part of your business needs attention and you'll also get a few laser-focused insights to help you start closing that gap. Have Your Website Brand Message Reviewed! Is your website speaking the right LINGO of your ideal customers? Having reviewed hundreds of websites, I can tell you 98% of websites are not. Fill out the simple LINGO Review application and I'll take a look at your website. I'll email you a few suggestions to improve your brand message to attract more of your ideal customers. Fill out the application today and let's get your business speaking the right LINGO! Host Jeffrey Shaw is a Small Business Coach, Brand Management Consultant, Business Coach for Entrepreneurs, Keynote Speaker, TEDx Speaker and author of LINGO and The Self Employed Life (May 2021). Supporting self-employed business owners with business and personal development strategies they need to create sustainable success.

Saturday Night Gaming's Podcast
The Quest | Heavenscape: Shattered Realms | Starfall, S3 E02

Saturday Night Gaming's Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 13, 2024 88:27


Inadvertently disrupting a delicate truce ceremony among the Mór Dúnáeð clans, the party now faces the daunting task of mending the frayed relations and reestablishing harmony among the clans.   https://linktr.ee/sngllc   Amara Wind-Walker played by Jessica Stephens YipYap played by Brady Belding Noll Joesteen played by Ryan Ladner Jhinn Calus played by John Mclay Rogoth played by Ronnie Shenks With Tony Stephens as GM   Music: Blood Eagle by Alexander Nakarada (www.serpentsoundstudios.com) Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Def Fresh Show
Stop 3: Are you inadvertently contributing to the toxicity

Def Fresh Show

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 11, 2024 107:23


What is Love Tour: Stop 3: Are you inadvertently contributing to the toxicity?Are You the Cause & What Makes you a Good choice? In this thought-provoking podcast episode, we delve into the intricate nuances of relationships and self-reflection. Join us as we uncover the subtle signs of toxicity within relationships and explore the crucial question: Are you inadvertently contributing to the toxicity? Tune in to this episode for an eye-opening exploration of self-awareness, relationship dynamics, and the essential elements that make you a compelling choice for a meaningful and lasting relationship.Want to create live streams like this? Check out StreamYard: https://streamyard.com/pal/d/4538665398697984

Dave & Jenn in the Morning
Inadvertently Dressing Appropriately 03/07/24

Dave & Jenn in the Morning

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 7, 2024 1:11 Transcription Available


Inadvertently Dressing Appropriately 03/07/24

Jono & Ben - The Podcast
How the Prime minister inadvertently ended up at the Eras Tour!

Jono & Ben - The Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 29, 2024 6:03


See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Renegade Talk Radio
Episode 5697: Thursday War Room Google Apologizes for Racist AI, Inadvertently Admitting Liberalism is Racist!

Renegade Talk Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 22, 2024 101:24


Thursday War Room LIVE: Google Apologizes for Racist AI, Inadvertently Admitting Liberalism is Racist!

The Nonlinear Library
LW - Less Wrong automated systems are inadvertently Censoring me by Roko

The Nonlinear Library

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 21, 2024 1:49


Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Less Wrong automated systems are inadvertently Censoring me, published by Roko on February 21, 2024 on LessWrong. Just a short post to highlight an issue with debate on LW; I have recently been involved with some interest in the debate on covid-19 origins on here. User viking_math posted a response which I was keen to respond to, but it is not possible for me to respond to that debate (or any) because the LW site has rate-limited me to one comment per 24 hours because my recent comments are on -5 karma or less. So, I feel that I should highlight that one side of the debate (my side) is simply not going to be here. I can't prosecute a debate like this. This is funnily enough an example of brute-force manufactured consensus - there will be a debate, people will make points on their side and the side I am arguing for will be missing, so observers will conclude that there are no valid counterarguments rather than that there are, but they were censored. I think this is actually quite a good model of how the world has reached the wrong conclusion about various things (which may include covid-19 origins, assuming that covid-19 was actually a lab leak which is not certain). This is perhaps even more interesting than whether covid-19 came from a lab or not - we already knew before 2019 that bioerror was a serious risk. But I feel that we underestimate just how powerful multiple synergistic brute-force consensus mechanisms are at generating an information cascade into the incorrect conclusion. I'm sure these automated systems were constructed with good intentions, but they do constitute a type of information cascade mechanism - people choose to downvote, so you cannot reply, so it looks like you have no arguments, so people choose to downvote more, etc. Thanks for listening. To help us out with The Nonlinear Library or to learn more, please visit nonlinear.org

DOOMED with Matt Binder
263: How MrBeast Inadvertently Revealed X / Twitter Monetization is Rigged

DOOMED with Matt Binder

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 6, 2024 54:39


MrBeast made a quarter of a million dollars by uploading a video to Elon Musk's X and in doing so revealed just how rigged the monetization system is. Scam Economy host Matt Binder walks through all the details of X Monetization, the little known X Amplify program, how Elon Musk and company pushed the famous YouTuber's content into social media feeds, and how basically no other creator can replicate MrBeast's earnings on the platform. (Episode from the 1/24/24 livestream show.) Support the show: http://www.patreon.com/mattbinder

Scam Economy
56: How MrBeast Inadvertently Revealed X / Twitter Monetization is Rigged

Scam Economy

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 5, 2024 54:39


MrBeast made a quarter of a million dollars by uploading a video to Elon Musk's X and in doing so revealed just how rigged the monetization system is. Scam Economy host Matt Binder walks through all the details of X Monetization, the little known X Amplify program, how Elon Musk and company pushed the famous YouTuber's content into social media feeds, and how basically no other creator can replicate MrBeast's earnings on the platform. Visit ScamEconomy.com Support the show: http://www.patreon.com/mattbinder

Chicago's Afternoon News with Steve Bertrand
Winslow Dumaine on inadvertently making Chicago Rat Hole a viral sensation

Chicago's Afternoon News with Steve Bertrand

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 23, 2024


Chicago-based comedian and illustrator Winslow Dumaine joins Lisa Dent to talk about how a photo he posted of a rat-shaped hole in the ground in Roscoe Village went so viral it ended up earning him money and unwanted attention. Follow The Lisa Dent Show on Twitter:Follow @LisaDentSpeaksFollow @SteveBertrand Follow @kpowell720 Follow @maryvandeveldeFollow @LaurenLapka

AT Parenting Survival Podcast: Parenting | Child Anxiety | Child OCD | Kids & Family
PSP 343: Are We Making Our Child's Social Anxiety Worse?

AT Parenting Survival Podcast: Parenting | Child Anxiety | Child OCD | Kids & Family

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2023 54:27


Inadvertently many of us make our child's social anxiety worse. It can seem, on the surface, that social anxiety is an obvious issue with an obvious solution. But social anxiety is much more complicated than most people think.In this week's AT Parenting Survival Podcast I outline common mistakes we make that unintentionally make our child or teen's social anxiety worse. I'll also outline positive approaches and steps to take to empower your child and reduce their social anxiety.

The Tom and Curley Show
Hour 3: John's inadvertently curt interactions with the public

The Tom and Curley Show

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2023 32:36


5pm - John’s inadvertently curt interactions with the public // The McCarthy VS Burchett spat // McCarthy denies elbowing Burchett // Laura Ingraham scolds republicans over school yard behavior // Is Ottowa the most boring city in the world? // LETTERS

Your Anxiety Toolkit
Stopping Compulsions using Attention Control (with Max Maisel) | Ep. 351

Your Anxiety Toolkit

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2023 40:31


If you are interested in stopping compulsions using attention control, this is the episode for you.  I am really excited for this episode. This was a deep dive into really how to fine-tune your mindfulness practice for anxiety and OCD. Today we have the amazing Max Maisel, who is an OCD and anxiety specialist here in California. He came on to talk about these really nuanced differences of mindfulness, where we might go wrong with mindfulness, how we can get a deeper understanding of mindfulness, and this idea of attentional control. The real thing that I took away from this is how beneficial it can be at reducing mental compulsions, putting our attention on the things that we value, putting our attention on what we want to put attention on, not in a compulsive way at all. In fact, we addressed that throughout the episode, and it's just so, so good. I'm so grateful to you, Max, for coming on, and I just know you guys are going to love this episode. Now, we are talking about some pretty difficult things, like things that are hard to do. I even roleplayed and explained how hard it was for me to do it. I want, as you listen to this, for you to please practice an immense amount of self-compassion and recognition and acknowledgment of just how hard it is to do these practices and how we can always learn more. Hopefully, something in this episode clicks for you and feels very true for you and is hopefully very, very beneficial.  I'm going to go take you straight to the show because that's what you're here for. Have a wonderful day everybody, and enjoy this interview with Max Maisel.  Kimberley: Welcome. I am so excited for this episode, mainly because I actually think I'm going to leave learning a ton. We have the amazing Max Maisel here today. Welcome. Max: Thank you, Kim. It's really good to be here. I'm super excited for our conversation. MINDFULNESS FOR OCD  Kimberley: Yeah. Okay. You know I use a lot of mindfulness. I am a huge diehard mindfulness fan, but I love that you have brought to us today, and hopefully will bring to us today, some ways in which we can drop deeper into that practice or zone in, or you might say a different word, like how to focus in on that. Tell me a little bit about how you conceptualize this practice of mindfulness and what you use to make it more effective for people with anxiety and OCD. Max: Yes, for sure. So, I'm a major proponent of mindfulness practices. I use it myself in my personal life. I integrate it in the clinical work that I do with clients with OCD and anxiety. But one of the concerns that I've seen in my clinical work is that mindfulness is such a broad concept and it covers so many different types of psychological suffering. The research behind mindfulness is just like hundreds, maybe even thousands of studies. But when it comes to very specific and nuanced concerns like OCD and anxiety, it could be a little bit confusing for people sometimes to figure out, “Well, how do I apply this really healthy, beautiful, amazing tool to how my own brain is wired in terms of like sticky thoughts or just to engage in all sorts of compulsive behaviors.” I like to think about mindfulness from Jon Kabat-Zinn's definition at the core—paying attention to the present moment in a way that's non-judgmental and with this curious intentionality to it. But then within that, there's some really nuanced details that we can talk more about how to make that really relevant to folks with OCD and anxiety. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ATTENTION & AWARENESS Kimberley: Tell me a little bit. When we're talking about mindfulness, we often talk about this idea of awareness. Can you differentiate first—and this is using some terminology just to set the scene—can you differentiate the difference between attention, awareness, and even a lot of people talk about distraction? Can you share a little bit about how they may be used and what they may look like? Max: I love that question. I think in a good OCD treatment, people really need to have a good solid understanding of those differences. I'm actually going to borrow from a neuroscientist named Amishi Jha. She's this incredible professor at the University of Miami. In her research lab, they look at the neurological underpinnings of mindfulness, and that very much includes attention and awareness. I highly encourage anybody to look up her work. Again, it's Amishi Jha. She talks about attention or focused attention. If you imagine there's a dark room, and if you turn on a flashlight and you shine that beam of light into that room and say that beam of light hits a vase on a table, again, what happens to that vase? What's different compared to all the things in the background? Kimberley: Is that a question for me? Max: Yeah. If you imagine a beam of light, what goes on with that? Kimberley: You would see the front of the vase, maybe it's a bit shiny, or you would see the shadow of the vase. You would see the colors of the vase. The texture of the vase. Max: That's exactly right. From this vivid and detailed, you can see all the different descriptions of it and it becomes privileged above everything else in the room. That vase is that beam of light. And then somebody might take that flashlight and shine it to the right a little bit, and then it goes from the vase, let's say, to a chair next to it. All of a sudden, that vase is still there, but it's fallen into the background. We might call that our awareness, which we'll talk about in a second. But then that table that we shine on or the chair is now privileged over the vase. That's how you can think about focused attention, is this beam of light. Whereas awareness, instead of a focused beam, you can think about that more as a broad floodlight where it's effortless, it's receptive, and you're noticing what is present in the moment without privileging one thing over the next. We're not focusing or hooked on anything particular in that room, it's just observing whatever comes up in the moment. Does that make sense? WHAT IS DISTRACTION?  Kimberley: It totally makes sense. Excellent. What about distraction?  Max: Distraction, when we think about that broad floodlight of awareness, where again, where what's privileges the present moment, distraction is trying to get things out of that. It's trying to suppress or not think about or get something that is in your awareness, outside of your awareness. But unfortunately, the trap that people fall into is in order to get something out of your awareness, what you need to do first is shine your beam of attention onto it. Inadvertently, while it might seem like a good idea in the short term, especially if it's something really scary, that pops up in your awareness like, “Oh, I don't want this. I want to get this thing out of my awareness.” But in doing that, you're literally shining your attention. That flashlight is right on the scary thing. The very act of trying to distract, trying to push it away actually keeps that thing going, which is why it can be so easy and so tricky to get stuck in these pretty severe OCD spirals by doing that. Kimberley: Right. If we were talking about mindfulness, and let's go back to that, are attention and awareness both parts of mindfulness? Give me how you would conceptualize that. Max: That's exactly right there, and that's what I was talking about where mindfulness is such a beautiful, helpful practice and term. But oftentimes when we say just mindfulness, people don't understand that there are really relevant parts of mindfulness that are actually applicable skills that we can practice getting really good and solid without shining that beam of light and focusing flexibly on aspects of our experience. We can get good at letting go of that focused attention and just being with what pops up in our awareness, which are very relevant practices when we have OCD or anxiety. But if we just say mindfulness as a whole, paying attention to the present moment, we could miss these really important nuances and actionable skills that are different parts of mindfulness. Kimberley: Let's go deeper into that. Let's say you have OCD or you have panic disorder, or you have a phobia, and your brain-- I was talking with my son who has anxiety and he was saying, “I keep having the thought. No matter how many happy thoughts I have, it just keeps thinking of the scary thought.” That's just a really simple example. How might you use attention versus awareness or attention and awareness for folks who are managing these really sticky thoughts, like you said, or these really repetitive, intrusive thoughts? Max: It's such a good question. OCD, I always talk about how clever and tricky it is. In order to get through OCD, we need to be even more clever, more tricky than OCD. One of the ways OCD gets people to fall into its trap is by confusing them. It gets people to try to control things that they cannot control, which is what pops up in their awareness, but it also blinds people and gets them that they can't see that there are things that are in their control. That will be really helpful, powerful tools, and OCD gums up the works a little bit.  MINDFULNESS & ATTENTION TRAINING To be more specific, there's an aspect of mindfulness that we can think of as attentional training or attentional flexibility. What that is, it's strengthening up the brain's muscles to be able to take control of that flashlight, of that beam of focused attention. OCD, what it's going to do, it steals it from you and shines it on the really scary stuff, like with your son, “Oh, here's a thought that you really don't like,” or “Here's a really uncomfortable sensation.” All of a sudden, that beam of light is shining there. What attention training does, it really teaches people to be able to first notice, “Oh, my beam of light is on something really scary. Okay, this is a thing. This is a moment to practice now.” But then more importantly, to be able to then take power back and be able to shine that flashlight in flexible ways that are in line with people's values and goals versus are in line with OCD's agenda. But attention training, it's not only getting really good and powerful at shining that beam of light on what you want to shine, but it's also the practice of letting go of control over the stuff that's in our awareness. We're going to practice and allow those scary thoughts and feelings. I treat them like a car alarm going off where it might be annoying, might be uncomfortable, but I'm not going to focus on them. I'm not going to pay attention to it, because otherwise there's going to be front and center.  It's both. It's awareness, it's being able to flexibly shift between different aspects of our experience, and it's also allowing things to go, and you're like that broader floodlight of awareness. I always find it really helpful to practice the skill of attention training on non-OCD, non-anxiety neutral stimuli. It's not too triggering. And then we can start applying that to anxiety. If it's okay with you, Kim, I would love to walk you through some quirky little easy exercises that just help you maybe understand what I'm talking about and hopefully your listeners as well. Kimberley: I was just going to say, let's do it.  Max: Let's do it. Let's dive in.  Kimberley: Let's roleplay this.  ATTENTION TRAINING EXERCISE Max: Okay. I want you to roleplay with me and if your listeners would like to roleplay as well, more than happy to follow along too. Again, these exercises, I don't see them as like coping skills. I see them as like creating an understanding of what we can control, what we can't control, and being able to just feel what that's like in our bodies and know that this is something that we can do.  For the first one, what I want you to do is put your thumb and index finger together, like you're making an okay sign. Put a little bit of pressure between your thumb and index finger, but not a whole lot of pressure. Just take a couple of seconds and see if you can put your brain into your thumb and your index finger and just notice what that feels like. Notice the sensations. Let me know when you feel like you've got a good sense of the feeling. Kimberley: Yep, I got it.  Max: What I want you to try to do is shine that beam of attention. Really focus in on the pressure only from your index finger and see if you cannot think about not engage in the pressure from your thumb, allowing that to be there. See if you can really find and identify what your index finger feels like. let me know when you've got that. Again, not thinking about your thumb, just focusing on your index finger. Kimberley: Yeah, that was hard, but I got it. Max: It is hard, right? Because what we're doing is honing in that beam of light that we're paying attention to. What I want you to do now is switch. Let your index finger, let that feeling go, and switch to your thumb. Again, only focusing on the pressure from your thumb and allowing your index finger, allowing that pressure to be there without thinking about it or controlling it. Just letting it exist, and then focusing on the pressure from your thumb. Kimberley: Yeah, I got it.  Max: We could do this for five, ten minutes. I won't make you do it right now, but you can see there and there's like a bump. There's a shift where you go from one to the other. It's great. It's not about getting into details, it's about noticing, “Oh, I can pay attention flexibly. I can focus on my index finger, allow the thumb feeling to be, and then I can switch to the opposite side.” That's one way that people can start understanding what I'm talking about, where we can flexibly pay attention while allowing other stuff to exist in the background. Kimberley: Let me bring up my own personal experience here because, like I said, I'm here to learn. As I was pushing, I actually had some pain in my thumb. As I was trying to imagine the top finger, that index finger, that was really hard because I have a little bit of ligament pain in my thumb. I had to work really hard to think about it. What was actually getting in the way was the thoughts of, “I won't be able to do this because of the pain.” What are your thoughts on people who are fighting that? Max: It's such an important piece of this because oftentimes what prevents people from practicing are these thoughts and beliefs that pop up. The belief of, “I have no control over rumination,” or “I cannot pay attention.” I'm saying this, and where we're stepping back and noticing these are thoughts, these are stories as well. Part of the practice is, can I see them as events of the mind? Can I see them as stories? Allow them to be in the background, just like we're maybe allowing the sensation of your index finger to be in the background while maintaining focus on that one part of your experience, your thumb. Again, we want to treat pain, thoughts, feelings, sensations as best as we can, allowing them, seeing them as mental events versus as distinct parts of who you are as a person while maintaining as best as you can that focused beam of attention on what you choose to. Kimberley: Right. This is really cool. Just so I understand this, but please don't be afraid to tell me I've got it completely wrong. As I was doing it, I was noticing the top of my index finger, doing my best, and in my awareness was the thoughts I had and the pain that I had. My attention was on the top, but there was some background awareness of all the other noise. Is that what you're saying? Max: That's exactly what I'm saying. The trick with OCD or anxiety is, can we allow the stuff in the background? Because a lot of people get annoyed or frustrated. And then as soon as you do that, that focus goes from your index finger to the stuff that you don't want versus if we can let go of control. Another way to think about it too is if you're looking out of a window. Focused attention would be, you are immensely engaging in this beautiful oak tree in your front yard. I don't have an oak tree, but hopefully, somebody does. Imagine you're really focusing on this oak tree, and that is what you're paying attention to.  Now, there might be other things that come and go. There might be birds flying and bushes in the background. There might be houses and a bunny rabbit running by. You could choose to then shift your beam of light from the tree to one of those things, but you don't have to. You can keep paying attention to the tree and allowing all this other stuff to exist. That would be what we're talking about and that's the practice you could do with your fingers. And then with that same metaphor, broader just overall awareness would be looking out the window, but not intentionally focused on anything. Just letting your eyes wander to whatever is present. “Oh, I notice the tree and I notice a cloud and I notice a bird. Oh, I noticed a thought that I've been looking out this window for a very long time.” We're not questioning, we're not ruminating, we're not judging, we're just simply being there with what's present. That's that broader awareness piece to this.  Kimberley: Okay. I love it. For those who have probably heard me talk about this, but not using this language, or are completely new and this is the first time I've ever logged in and listened to us, how may they apply this to specific intrusive thoughts that they're having? Can you walk us through a real example of this? You could use my son if you want, or an actual case of yours or whatever. Max: Yeah, for sure. If we think about it in this way, also, it's like a little bit of a different approach than maybe how some people think about exposure and response prevention. Because in this way of doing things, there's a really hard emphasis on the response prevention piece, which in this case would be not ruminating, not engaging in the mental compulsions. It's doing the exposure, which is triggering the scary thoughts and the feelings, and then accessing awareness mode, like being with what's present.  An example of that, let's just say somebody has an intrusive thought, a really scary fear that they might hurt somebody. They might be a serial killer or they might do something really bad. Let's say we want to do an exposure with that thought and we choose a triggering thought of, “I am a murderer.” Normally, when they have that thought, they do all this stuff. Their focused attention is on that thought, and they're trying to convince themselves they're not a murderer. They're trying to maybe look for evidence. “Did I kill somebody? I did not.” They're engaging in this thought, doing all this sort of stuff that OCD wants them to.  One way that we might use this difference in attention awareness, doing exposure would be to first evoke the scary thought. Maybe really telling themselves for a couple of seconds like, “I am a murderer. I am a murderer, sitting with the fear and the dread and all the stuff that comes up.” But then instead of focusing on it, then letting go of any engagement. We could just sit there and actually do nothing at all. We just watch and observe. Like you're looking out that window and that thought “I'm a murderer” might pop up, it might go away. Another thought might pop up. But we want to take this stance of, “None of my business.” We're going to sit here, we're going to observe, and we're not going to mentally engage in the thoughts. It's really accessing this more of like awareness mode. We can actually do something like that.  If you want to, Kim, we don't have to use an intrusive thought, but we can, again, practice with a neutral thought together and then apply what I'm talking about. Usually, what people realize is that what happens to their intrusive thoughts is what happens to 99.9% of all the thoughts they get in a day where it comes and then it just goes away when it's ready. If you think about it, we have thousands and thousands of thoughts per day. Mostly that's what happens because we're not focusing our beam of light on it, because we're not doing all this work that inadvertently keeps it around. It's exposure not only to sit with the feelings, but to practice the skill of letting go, of focusing on it, of letting go of any mental compulsive behaviors towards it. ATTENTION TRAINING VS DISTRACTON Kimberley: Right. I know this is going to be a question for people, so I'm going to ask it. How does attention training differ from distraction? Quite often, I will get really quite distressed messages from people saying, “But wait, if I'm being mindful on the tree, isn't that me distracting against my thoughts?” Can you talk about, again, differentiating this practice with distraction or avoidance? Max: Yep, absolutely. I like to think about it as an attitude that people take where we're willing to have whatever our brain pops up at us. With distraction, we're unwilling. We don't want it, we don't like it, we're turning away from it. But that's actually like, it's okay too. We call it distraction, we can call it engagement. It's okay to live your life to do stuff, but we have to first get really clear on, can I allow whatever my brain pops up to be there without then keeping that beam of attention on it? Because all mental rituals, all sorts of stuff that we do starts with focused attention. Summons, rituals are pure retention, but a lot of them like analyzing, reassurance, attention is a major part of them. If you can notice when our OCD took that beam of light and shined it, then we could practice taking the light off, allowing it to exist, allowing it to be there, but without engaging. If you want, Kim, I'm happy to maybe do another experiential exercise, not to throw too many at you today.  Kimberley: No, bring it on. Max: So maybe you and your listeners can understand that piece to it.  Kimberley: Yes, please.  ATTENTION TRAINING EXERCISE #2  Max: Okay. Lets start with attention training exercise #2. What we're going to do is we're going to practice engaging in what we might think of as a rumination, analytical way of thinking. Again, rumination, mental compulsions, they are a behavior. They're a mental action that we're taking that we could turn on, but we can also turn off. We want to be able to turn off mental compulsions throughout the rumination, but allow any thoughts and feelings to exist without doing anything about them. I know it sounds heavy, so let me show you what I mean by that.  Kimberley: Good.  Max: What I want you to do is think about a vacation or a trip that you either have coming up, or it might be like a dream vacation that you really want to take, and just take a second and let me know when you got something in mind. Kimberley: I got it. Max: You got it. That was quick. That was a good thing. What I want you to do is start mentally planning out the itinerary for this vacation, thinking about what you're going to do, all the steps you're going to take, just like doing it in your mind. And then I'll tell you when to stop. Okay. Stop. Now what I want you to do is let go of that engaging analytic way of thinking and just sit here for a couple of seconds. We're not going to do really anything. If the idea of the vacation pops up in your mind, I want you to allow it to pop up. But don't think about it, don't focus on it. Allow it to be there or not to be there. Just don't do what you were just doing where you're actually actively thinking about it. Are you ready?  Kimberley: Mm-hmm. Max: Okay. Again, we're just going to sit and we're going to observe. Whatever comes up, comes up. We're going to let it hover and float in your overall awareness without focusing on it.  Waves washing on the beach or just letting your thoughts and feelings come and go. We're not engaging, we're not thinking about them. We're just observing.  What I want you to do one last time, I want you to start thinking again, planning, going through the itinerary, thinking all the cool stuff you're going to do. As you're doing it, notice what that feels like psychologically to go from not doing to doing. And then start thinking about it, and I'll let you know when to stop again. All right. We can let go of the vacation. Again, just for five, ten seconds sitting. If the thought pops up, allow it to pop up, but don't engage in it. Don't manipulate it or actively walk through the itinerary again. Just notice what that's like.  Okay, Kim. I'd love to hear your experience walking through, turning it on the analytical way of thinking, and then turning it off and playing around with it a little bit. Kimberley: Okay. Number one, I immediately was able to go into planning. I think because I do this, this is actually one of the things I do at bedtime. I've planned my 91st birthday, my 92nd birthday party. That's what I love to do, so it was very easy for me to go into that. When I went back to more awareness of just what I noticed, I was actually able to do it really easily except of the thought like, “Oh, I hope I don't have the thought. I hope I'm doing this right.” Max: That's such a beautiful way, and the mind is going to do stuff like that. We're going to start thinking about thinking, and I'm curious how you respond to that thought. What you did next? Kimberley: I was just like, “Maybe I will, maybe I won't. What else?” And then I was like, “Well, there's Max and there's my microphone.” That was the work. Max: Yes. That's exactly what I'm talking about. We're not like, “Don't think about this vacation.” Because if we did that, what do you think that would do to you if you're just sitting there in that moment of awareness and be like, “This is not a good thought to have, I can't think about this upcoming vacation”? Kimberley: Well, I had more of them and I had distress about them. Max: Yeah, exactly. That's what I mean by we're not distracting, we're allowing, but we're also not analytically thinking about it. Now that we're talking about this, I think this is a really important piece on where mindfulness can get maybe especially confusing or even contradictory for people. Again, to preface this, I'm a huge mindfulness advocate and fan, but one of the issues about mindfulness for OCD, in particular, is that mindfulness is really in a lot of ways teaching it, it's about coming back to the present moment. I'm going to focus on my breath. I'm going to refocus to my body. I'm going to ground myself. Again, overall very healthy things to do, we should practice that.  But the problem about that is if applied directly to OCD mental compulsions—and again, just to be really clear by mental compulsions, I'm talking about anything that people do to try to feel better, cope with, resolve a scary, intrusive thought. Kim, your six-part series, let's say, on mental compulsions that you did is one of the best OCD contents I've ever seen. I think everybody should go back and listen to that, whether you have OCD or not. So, all this mental stuff that we do in response to a scary thought. Mindfulness can be really helpful in noticing when we get caught up and again, like flexibly shifting. But at the end of the day, sufferers of OCD really need to understand that you don't need to focus onto the present moment to stop doing mental compulsions. Because it's analytical, it's a behavior, it's a way of thinking. Just like you did, we can simply turn it on and then we can turn it off.  Now, I don't mean to say it's as easy as just don't do it. Obviously, it's not the case. This is complex stuff. There's so many psychological factors that lead people to ruminate and to do compulsions, but it's a simple idea. People need a foundation to understand that mental compulsions are a behavior that we have a lot more agency over than your OCD wants you to think. I like to think about when you look at more traditional, like contamination OCD, people might wash their hands a lot. It's the same thing where there's the behavior of washing your hands that you could do or you cannot do.  Now there's entire treatment protocols helping people chip away at that to not wash their hands, so it's not just like, “Don't wash your hands.” But people understand that the goal of this treatment is to, “I'm washing my hands too much and now I'm not washing my hands.” If you apply the same mindful logic to rumination, it would be like, “Oh, we're going to wash your hands, but you cannot wash your hands. You're just going to have to use wet wipes forever.” It's like, oh, I'll get maybe a step in the right direction. But people need to know that the goal here is to not wash your hands. Just like with more Pure O rumination type of OCD, the goal is to learn how to not ruminate. Learn how to step out of that. Kimberley: Yeah. I think you had said somewhere along the way that it's a training. It's a training that we do. What's interesting for me, I'll use this as solely example, is I am in the process of training myself to do what I call deep work, because I have two businesses, things are chaotic, and I can get messages all the time. When I sit down to do something, I'm being pinged on my phone and called on my computer and email bells, so I'm training myself to focus on doing the thing I'm doing and not give my attention to the dinging of the phone and so forth as a training. I'm trying to train myself to be able to go longer, longer, longer periods and hold my attention, which at the beginning, my attention, I could really only do like 15 minutes of that and it felt like my brain was going to explode. Would you say that this is a similar practice in that we're slowly training our brain to be able to hold attention and awareness at the same time and increase it over time?  Max: Yeah, absolutely. I think everything with OCD and anxiety is a process. First, it takes awareness, and that's where mindfulness can be so helpful, where the practice of mindfulness is about being more aware. “I'm aware, I'm ruminating. I'm aware of that. I'm doing some sort of compulsion.” That itself could take a very long time. I think it's all about baby steps.  Now, I will say though, Kim, some people, when I explain them these differences and they're able to really feel what it's like to be ruminating, what it's like not—some people click and they can do it really fast. They're like, “Oh my gosh. I had no idea that this is something I was doing.” Some people, it takes a very long time and there's a spectrum. I think everybody always needs to go at their own pace and some people are just going to need to work at it harder. Some people, it's going to come really easy and natural. There's no right or wrong way to do it. These are principles that live in the ERP lifestyle. We want to start taking little baby steps as much as we can. Kimberley: Right. For those listening and for me too, where it clicked for them, what was the shift for them specifically? Max: The shift was understanding that while it felt like rumination—again, a lot of this is like, think about OCD, there's this big unsolvable problem and they're trying to solve it. They're analyzing it, they're paying attention to it, they're focusing on it, they're thinking about it, for them to really feel that, “This is something that I am doing. I know there's reasons why I'm doing it, there's beliefs I have about the utility of ruminating, including beliefs that I can't control this, when really, we can't control it. Beliefs about how helpful it is.” There's a lot of reasons why people do that, but to recognize, “Oh my gosh, this is a thing that's a lot more in my control than I thought.” When they experience that stepping back and allowing their brain to throw out whatever it does without having to engage with it, game changer.  Also, in terms of classic mindfulness, think about mindfulness of breath. The instructions generally are, we're going to focus on, say the breath, the rise and fall of my belly. My attention goes, I'm going to come back to it. I think if we do that with a very specific intention, it could be so relevant and so helpful for OCD. That intention is seeing your brain as a little puppy dog. When you have OCD, that puppy dog is full of energy. OCD is like this mean bully that's thrown a tennis ball and getting that puppy dog to go.  What mindfulness of breath can teach you, if we're aware of this, we go into it like, “This is what I'm going to work on. This is how my OCD is getting me—it's getting me to follow these lines of thought.” When you're there sitting on your breath to be able to notice where your thought goes, be able to look at it, “None of my business. Come back to my breath.” To me, Kim, that is actually exposure and response prevention. You expose yourself to discomfort of not following the thought, which is really hard. For people with OCD, without OCD, that's hard to do, but like you said, that is absolutely a skill that people can get better at. STOPPING COMPULSIONS WITH ATTENTION TRAINING  Kimberley: Yeah, and it's response prevention. It's the core of that. Okay, I love this. I love this. Now, as we wrap up, is there anything that you feel we haven't covered here that will bring us home and dial this in for those who are hearing this for the first time or have struggled with this in the past?  Max: I think we did a pretty good job. I mean, it's very nuanced stuff. I like to see this for people that feel like their OCD is well enough managed, but there's still work to go. This is like icing on the cake. Let's really look at the nitty-gritty of how this works. Or if people are feeling really stuck and they're not knowing why, hopefully, this can shine a light on some of these less talked about principles that are really important.  But I guess the one final thing, going all the way back to Amishi Jha and her neurological research on mindfulness, really fascinating studies out of her lab show that 50% of the time, 50% of her waking day, people are not aware. They're not aware of what's going on, which means 50% of this podcast, people aren't going to be paying attention to. We can't take offense to that because it's 50% of any podcast. When you have that coupled with OCD's tendency to steal that beam of focused attention on scary stuff, it can be so devastating and so stuck for people. Hopefully, some of the stuff can give a sense of what we do about that and how we can start making moves against anxiety and OCD. Kimberley: Yeah, and compassion every step of the way. Max: Oh my gosh. I think everything needs to be done, peppered with compassion. Or maybe peppered is too level like in the context of full radical compassion. That's such an important part of all of this work. Kimberley: Yeah, because it's true. I mean, even myself who has a pretty good mindfulness practice, I was even surprised how much of mine was like, “Am I doing this right? What if I don't do it right? Will this work? How will it help me?” All of the things. I think that everyone's background noise, like you said, is very normal. I so appreciate you bringing this to the conversation, because again, I talk about mindfulness a lot. One other thing is, I will say when, let's say, someone has a somatic obsession or they have panic, and so they're having a lot of physical sensations. When you say “Come to the present,” they're like, “But the present sucks. I don't want to be here in the present.” What are your thoughts on that?  Max: Somatic OCD and panic, I think out of any themes or content when it comes to awareness and attention, those are the most relevant. If you think about somatic OCD, where people come obsessed about different parts of their perceptual experience, it's all about people trying to not be aware of things that they can't control, and then therefore they're aware of it all the time. I think this is especially spot on for those. It's helpful for all forms of anxiety, but that in particular, that's going to be-- we tend to not do exposures by hyper-focusing on what they're afraid of because that's compulsive. That's we're focusing on controlling more. This process should be effortless. When we're ruminating, when we're compulsing or paying attention, that's like you're on the treadmill. You're doing work, and just hopefully, people experience some of these exercises, all we're doing is getting off the treadmill. We want to be doing less, if anything. OCD is making you work for it. It's making you do stuff. We want to identify that and do a whole lot less. And then you'll forget about it usually until you don't. It's like, “Oh crap, here it is again.” And then, “Okay, cool. I just practiced. Let me do it again,” until it loses power more fully. Kimberley: Yeah. I so appreciate you. Tell us what people can hear about you. Max: I run a practice in Redondo Beach. We're called Beachfront Anxiety Specialists. We have our website. Again, my name's Max Maisel, and people can feel free to Google us and reach out at any time. Kimberley: Amazing. Thank you. We'll have all of your links in the show notes. I'm really, truly grateful. Thank you for coming on and talking about this. It is so nuanced, but so important. As I say to my patients, I could say it 10 times and sometimes you need to hear a similar thing in a different way for it to click. I'm so grateful. Hopefully, this has been really revolutionary for other people to hear it from a different perspective. I'm so grateful for your time.  Max: Thank you. It's such a privilege to be here with you and your listeners and I really appreciate you having me on today. Kimberley: Thank you.

Life Amplified
Parenting With Love & Compassion With Winnie Wang

Life Amplified

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 31, 2023 25:20


In the second part of this two-part series with Winnie Wang, we look at how In the journey of parenthood, the true measure of unconditional love lies not in words, but in the way our children feel when they are with us. The report card on our love is written in the moments of conflict or ease, and in how our children perceive themselves and their world. Winnie believes that, as parents, our role is to nurture self-love and confidence in our children, steering them away from anxiety and depression. The state of their emotional well-being reflects the efforts we've invested in their upbringing.   Sometimes, we find ourselves grappling with negative emotions like fear, shame, or guilt. But it's crucial to remember that love and compassion can heal these wounds and prevent us from remaining trapped in them.   Winnie reflects on a past incident with her daughter where, upon hearing about her involvement in bullying, she reacted with fear and began questioning her daughter harshly, neglecting the empathy and love she needed at that moment. Inadvertently, Winnie taught her daughter that she wouldn't listen, and would automatically take the other person's side.   Realizing her mistake, Winnie felt burdened by guilt and regret, but also recognized that dwelling on the past wouldn't help either of them. Instead, Winnie chose to show herself love and compassion, acknowledging that she was doing her best with the tools she had at the time.   As parents, we must learn from our missteps and forgive ourselves, just as we encourage our children to do the same. By embodying love, empathy, and understanding, we can create an environment where our children feel accepted, cherished, and capable of facing life's challenges with grace. In the end, the best report card for our love is not perfection but the willingness to grow and evolve, alongside our precious children. What You'll Learn: Why parenting guilt doesn't serve us or our children. How to show yourself love and compassion. What the two biggest obstacles to healing are. And much more!   Favorite Quote: “The best report card on how unconditional my love is, is to see how my children are with me.” -Winnie Wang   Connect With Winnie: Mindful Healing Heart Facebook YouTube   Find Nikki on her Website here, or Email her at nikki@prissynikki.com You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, & LinkedIn.  The Life Amplified Podcast is not your rainbows and butterflies show. These are REAL life accounts, no-nonsense advice, and politically incorrect talk that will make you laugh and maybe even pull at your heartstrings at times. Enjoyed the episode? Hop over to Apple Podcasts for more! Like and share to help spread the word. We appreciate your support—and we hope to return the favor: Leave a review to let us know what you want to hear from Nikki next.

Spiritual Homegirl
328-When Our Anger (Inadvertently) Dishonors People We Love

Spiritual Homegirl

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 30, 2023 13:55


Get my FREE 10 minute Love Meditation: https://www.innerpeaceposse.com/pl/2147721057Subscribe to Spiritual Homegirl's YouTube here: https://m.youtube.com/channel/UClfzaF9Vr-xEPh9WBaEBhww?sub_confirmation=1Join my text club: https://spiritualhomegirl.pscr.pt/1XIQ1r Sign up for the Merch/T-Shirt of the Month Club here: https://www.spiritualhomegirl.shop/Follow me on IG: https://www.instagram.com/spiritualhomegirl/Also, follow Make Peace With the Day: https://instagram.com/makepeacewiththedayCheck me out on Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/SpiritualHomegirl/

Holmberg's Morning Sickness
05-08-23 - Trying To Explain The Term G To An Old Man At Suns Game - Oakland A's Broadcaster Apologizes For Using N*Word Inadvertently During Broadcast - Hilton Hotel Guest Awakens To Manager Sucking On His Toes

Holmberg's Morning Sickness

Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2023 51:02


Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Monday May 8, 2023 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Radiolab
40,000 Recipes for Murder

Radiolab

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 9, 2022 30:15


Two scientists realize that the very same AI technology they have developed to discover medicines for rare diseases can also discover the most potent chemical weapons known to humankind. Inadvertently opening the Pandora's Box of WMDs. What should they do now? Special thanks to, Xander Davies, Timnit Gebru, Jessica Fjeld, Bert Gambini and Charlotte HsuEpisode Credits: Reported by Latif NasserProduced by Matt KieltyOriginal music and sound design contributed by Matt KieltyMixing help from Arianne WackFact-checking by Emily KriegerCITATIONS:Articles:Read the Sean and Fabio's paper here. Get Yan Liu's book Healing with Poisons: Potent Medicines in Medieval China here. Yan is now Assistant Professor of History at the University at Buffalo.Our newsletter comes out every Wednesday. It includes short essays, recommendations, and details about other ways to interact with the show. Sign up (https://radiolab.org/newsletter)!Radiolab is supported by listeners like you. Support Radiolab by becoming a member of The Lab (https://members.radiolab.org/) today.Follow our show on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook @radiolab, and share your thoughts with us by emailing radiolab@wnyc.org.