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Oooohhhh this Queen was something else! Barbie does not have shit on this bitch! Come join us as we go through the short but impactful life of the East Village's IT GIRL! And though the struggle was real with this one, we're reminded to still laugh through it all. Go on! Be the happy disaster you are! As always thanks for listening! Xoxo, The Baroque B*tches

Young virgin college grad's blind date with an Amazon Goddess.By Bernard Marx – Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Jude was five-six, slim, and had a boyish face that could be better described as pretty than handsome. He compensates by trying to grow a beard.Lyndsey was blonde, beautiful, and built. She was six foot two in heels. Her tits hung like ripe melons. Her juicy thighs and bubble-butt rounded out a form that could silence a room just by walking in. The two of them were all too happy to make their friends uncomfortable with impromptu make out sessions or keep their neighbors up every night with pleasurable moans from their residence.How they met..They were truly the most passionate couple you'd ever seen, if not an unusual one to look at.It's amazing to think that their relationship started off with a prank.At first Jude had been surprised at his friend, Jason, and his generosity that night. Setting up blind dates wasn't normally the kind of thing Jason did. Jason explained that Jude deserved a break after graduating college without having scored even one girl's phone number all four years.Jude showered, shaved, put on his best - and only - suit, and went to the restaurant. The fears that he would be meeting some dumpy chess club girl immediately disappeared when he saw the angel already seated & waiting for him at the table. Her full crimson lips that begged to be kissed, big blue eyes, hair like gold silk, and generous rack stretching out the body-hugging magenta knit dress.“Are you Jude?” Lyndsey asked with a pleasant smile.He gulped. “Yeah.”“I'm Lyndsey, nice to meet you.”She thought Jude was charming and sweet; he thought Lyndsey was enchanting and funny. Jude couldn't believe how lucky he was. But he was incredibly nervous, at the same time.About twenty minutes into the date, through appetizers and drinks; Lyndsey said “Let me go powder my nose.”When she stood up to her full, majestic height, Jude took in her towering statuesque presence. He suddenly felt like he was in an ancient Greek temple. She smiled and walked toward the back restrooms.A man sitting at the nearest table, glanced at her as she walked past him, then locked eyes with Jude and started chuckling. Jude had been the recipient of short jokes for years, but this stranger's laughter was an insult.Jude snorted, then pulled out his phone and texted Jason:Haw! Haw! Real funny, dickhead.Jason's response was three laughing-face emojis with three eggplants.Jude thought about walking out then and there, but that would've been rude to Lyndsey. She's been very pleasant company up til now.It would be better to just ride the date out, then text her tomorrow with some vague excuse about he's too busy to date right now.Rejection is a hideous tormentor. And Jude's fear of rejection often pushed him to do the rejecting, even when his fears were unfounded.Lyndsey came back right as the waiter set their plates down in front of them.“Don't you just love it when you come back from the rest room and your food is waiting for you?” She asked as she sat down.“Um, ah yeah, it's great.” He poked at his salmon.Lyndsey started twirling fettuccini around her fork, an awkward playful smile on her face. “I bet you were surprised at how tall I was, huh?”“What? Oh, no. I mean … you're not that tall.”“Please don't. I'm the same height as both my brothers.” She chuckled. “I'm not self-conscious about it, at least not anymore. High school days were rough, though.” She ate a forkful of pasta.“I know what that's like” Jude replied.  “I'm surprised you didn't run off when you saw how short I was.”Lyndsey looked Jude in the eye and with a reassuring gentle tone, said; “To tell you the truth, I'm not one of those girls who obsesses about guys' heights, I'd be a hypocrite if I did.” She added a smile and a wink.Jude smiled at that. “Jason is such a dick, he thought he was being so funny, setting us up.”“Listen,” Jude said. ”I wouldn't be insulted if you wanted to end this right now.”“Nah, you're cool” Lyndsey said with a smile & a raised eyebrow.Things only got better from there. They laughed and talked while they ate, finishing a whole bottle of wine. When Lyndsey invited Jude to follow her back to her place, he was too buzzed and too enamored to say no. As they entered her condo, she showed him to the couch and sat next to him.“It's been ages since I invited a guy back here,” she purred, stroking Jude's thigh.“Uh huh.” His cock was getting hard. “Me too. I mean - ”Giggling and giddy, she injected, “I know what you mean.” She smelled like flowers.“You're beautiful.” Jude said, in a most worshipful expression.“Thank you, Jude.”She placed both her hands on his cheeks and gently pulled him in for a kiss. Her lips were so soft. He let her tongue creep into his mouth.After a few minutes, he pulled back.“Something wrong?” she asked.“I need to tell you something, Lyndsey.”“What?”“I'm …” He took a deep breath. “I'm … a virgin.”Lyndsey smiled in a most appreciative way. She gently stroked his cheek. “That's fine.”“Really? You still want to be with me?” Jude smiled in obvious relief. Now his dick was hard as a diamond.“Of course, I think it's sweet. Something special saved just for me! I've always wanted to be someone's first.” She gracefully stood up and kicked off her heels with purpose. Turning to look down to him, she added; “I'm going to make this a very special night for you.”She reached behind her back and unhooked her dress, then lowered her dress down around her shoulders. Carefully pulling each arm out of the sleeves; she lowered the fabric down to reveal her luscious melons. They looked even bigger naked: plump, round, and rocking pendulously. Jude reached up for them, but his arms were too short, and she was too tall. Lyndsey bent down, grabbed Jude's hands, and placed them on her breasts; he squeezed & massaged them. They were so soft and warm.“Do you love them?” she asked.“Oh, oh God, yes.” He stammered, struggling to contain her copious flesh in his delicate hands; precum started to ooze from the tip of his dick, still tucked in his pants.“They're all yours, tonight.”Here was this towering example of feminine perfection offering herself to him, it almost didn't seem real.She let him fondle her for another minute before turning around and sliding off the lower half of her dress to reveal her pale, voluptuous ass. It was like twin moons in front of Jude's face, and he felt like he was going to turn into a werewolf. She ripped off her thong, then slapped her right cheek.“I love my ass.” She said, then bent over to twerk. Jude's face grew hot, his dick felt like it was close to bursting out of his pants as he watched Lyndsey's pale ‘badonkadonk' ass quivering in front of him.She turned around again to face her seated date, then pulled Jude up by his collar to stand facing her tits, and said, “You ready?”He nodded resolutely. After throwing off his jacket, he tried to unbutton his shirt, but his fingers kept slipping.Lyndsey softly touched his hand. “It's alright, I got this.” She carefully undid each button, then slid his shirt off, smiling and giving him warm eye contact the whole time.Jude wasn't just about to lose his virginity; he was going to give his body to a beautiful angel who actually cared about him. But it was when she unbuckled his belt that he suddenly became nervous.“Uh, Wait, Jack said, nervously. “I need to tell you -”“It's alright,” she unzipped his pants, and they fell to the floor. “I don't really care about”.She slid down his underwear and gasped - “Size. Oh my gawd!” she screamed in giddy delight.She reverently caressed his organ. “It's like a zucchini. A prized produce at the county fair!”Jude winced. He felt like he could cum any second, so she let go and just knelt there, admiring his full package.She touched his balls. "These feel swollen. When was the last time you jerked off?”“Never.” He winced again. “When I was fourteen, my mom walked in on me. She went on for days, telling me how filthy I was. Shaming me into a state of severe self-loathing that I'm finally just getting past. I've been afraid to touch myself ever since.”“Oh, you poor thing, you don't understand pleasure.” She took his shaft in both hands and gave it a light squeeze. “Don't worry, I'm gonna properly milk this king cobra for you.”Lyndsey eased Jude back sitting the couch. Then positioned herself straddling, facing him, and slid her sopping wet pussy down onto Jude's enormous pole.Both of them shuddered. Her warm, moist sex around his manhood was the greatest sensation he had ever felt. He had to summon all his willpower to stop himself from cumming then and there.“That feels so good,” Jude whispered.“It's about to feel even better.”She started to slowly descend, fully taking his length inside her, then she began to grind side to side, rubbing her clit across his pubic bone. He wrapped his arms around her waist. The feeling of finally having a woman's skin against his body was good enough to make a tear roll down his cheek.Lyndsey engulfed Jude's face in her deep cleavage as she started to buck, undulating her hips back and forth with practiced rhythm. Jude slid his hands around to her ass cheeks, squeezing them like a man holding on for the ride of his life.“Smack my ass, baby,” Lyndsey moaned.Jude gave her cheeks a gingerly tap.“Uh, I said smack it,” she ordered. “I can take it.” An animal was revealing itself as the Amazonian woman sought her sexual release.He raised his hands as high as he could and delivered two thunderous cracks to his lover's luscious ass-cheeks.“Yeah, That's more like it, baby.” She assured him.Their bodies were steaming-hot against each other. Pussy-juice dripped down Jude's cock. Red patches bloomed on Lyndsey's body as her panting grew more intense & her body overheated. Jude had been trying to hold his orgasm, to savor the feeling of being rigidly and fully connected to Lyndsey's warm, wet depths. But now he was almost at his limit, with his head still buried between her massive tits.Jude's first time was perfectly situated. Lyndsey was in charge and she knew he could go off at any time. She was controlling all the action. He just sat there and  enjoyed the ride'. He had years of inactivity (unless you count the nocturnal emissions). But fortunately Jude was lasting long enough to give Lyndsey a fuck to remember, on a pole she didn't think she'd ever get to enjoy.“Emginnasplid,” he groaned into her titty meat.Lyndsey reared back. “What'd you say, baby?” she panted.“I said I'm gonna explode!”“Explode! Yes. Explode inside me, baby. Gimme all that creamy gooey cum!” She arched her back and began a more rapid series of ‘elevator rides' on his cock. Jude caught his breath and then began sucking one of her engorged nipples, while his hands wrapped her slender waistline.After a few more quick pumps, Lyndsey suddenly froze in place. Her body went rigid, her eyes rolled back in her head. Jude held her upper torso, thinking she was going unconscious. Then her pussy clamped around Jude's cock like a trap, triggering his payload of spunt to make their exit.Jude let all resistance go. His own muscles tensed, and his balls contracted as thick cum rocketed into Lyndsey's womb. She smiled blissfully as her depths took a direct hit of his blast. There was one volley, then another, then another; his pulsing dick had a mind of its own. His arousal ascending to unknown heights of ecstasy, sending wave after wave of pleasure into Jude's brain, then tingling all over his entire body.“Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ooohh! Oooohhhh!” Lyndsey moaned. Back arched and body quivering, she gripped over the backrest of the couch as though her raw ecstasy would launch her into the ceiling.They both shuddered with one final wave of orgasm before Lyndsey collapsed onto Jude's shoulder. He felt so small with her goddess body on top of him - it felt good somehow, safe. They held each other, panting, their bodies slick with sweat. Once his cock softened & contracted, she rolled off of him. They sat there, catching their breath.This woman is a complete contradiction to everything Jude's mother had brainwashed him into believing. Sex is not ‘filthy'. God made sex. God made sex especially wonderful for humanity to experience! The lies, the shame, the self-loathing; Jude was now free of all of it. And Lyndsey was the best ambassador of this new freedom. She was free from shame and she rescued Jude from shame, as well.“That was amazing.” Lyndsey caressed his cheek. “You're perfect. You're a lovemaking master!!Then Jude started crying. Not only was he finally free, he was able to make a goddess like Lyndsey happy, satisfied, and yet wanting more."What's wrong?” Lyndsey softly inquired, with her head on his shoulder.“It's …” he tried to say through his tears. “It's just … I thought I might never get to do that with anyone, especially someone as beautiful; as perfect as you.”“Oh, baby.” She rolled off him as she reclined; pulling him over, into her arms. “I'm here now. Don't worry. You'll never be alone again.”  Her words penetrated his soul. This bond of their spirits was indescribable. A holy moment of two hearts becoming one with each other; spirit, soul, and body. Years of Jude's torment were now over. It was far better than all his Christmas mornings, all put together. The greatest gift he could ever dream of, was fully committed to him, and fully satisfied by him. She gently stroked his head until he fell asleep.Jude opened his eyes up to a sunlit living room. He was still on the couch, but it was now evidently the next morning. At first, he thought the previous night had to have been a dream. Jude's world had changed, and he still couldn't fathom the depths of that change.Then he realized he was still buck naked and an angelic female voice was softly singing in the next room. He also heard something sizzling in the next room, & smelled the delicious aroma of bacon. Ignoring any shame, Jude nakedly followed his nose into the kitchen where Lyndsey was standing at the stove.“Morning, sleepy head,” she said with a blissful smile. She was wearing nothing but Jude's dress shirt from the night before, it not only left the bottom of her ass cheeks hanging out, but the top three buttons remained unbuttoned in full surrender to her massive boobs extending out.He sat down at the dining table with plates of fluffy eggs and in a moment she arrived with a pile of crispy bacon. They didn't talk much while eating, they just smiled at each other between bites.“You're a good cook,” Jude said after he finished.“My mom always told me” Lyndsey said, blushing; “The best way to make a man happy is to keep his balls empty, and his stomach full.”“Well, mission accomplished.” Jude declared.She giggled. “Oh Gawd! Last night was amazing.”“You did most of the work, my dear cowgirl.”"Hey, don't be modest. You've got the kind of dick I've been dreaming about,” she said as she wiped her mouth with a napkin and slid her plate aside.He looked down at his member. "I've always known it was, well, above average, but I haven't done anything with it.”She reached across & rubbed his hand. “That's what I'm here for.” Lyndsey declared. “Hey, What's something you've always wanted to do, uh sexually?”“Uh, Everything,” Jude admitted.“Okay? Well, what's the first sex thing that pops into your head?”He looked at Lyndsey's revealed massive tits threatening to pop the straining fourth button off Jude's dress shirt.“Titty fucking?” Jude supplicated.Lyndsey smiled assuringly. She stood & cleared the table completely taking the things into the kitchen, then she came out a second later, and started slowly unbuttoning her man's shirt in a burlesque show presentation. Jude's cock was rock hard by the time she flung it off. She twirled and planted her ass on the end of the table, keeping a sultry expression, she maintained her intense gaze into Jude's eyes; then lowed herself on her back in the middle of the sturdy oak table.“Go ahead.” Was all she said with a slow wink.Jude quickly climbed onto the table, straddling over Lyndsey's torso with his thighs, then lowered his cock into the deep valley of her cleavage. she squeezed her breasts around him, the head of his cock poking through the top of her cleavage, to greet her. The tip of his glans seemed to be staring back to her, wanting her, calling her.“No one's ever been able to stick their dick all the way through,” said Lyndsey with glee. “Your heavenly cock is staring at me, Jude.”The luscious tit cleavage wasn't as stimulating to his cock as her wet, taut pussy, but it still felt good. She loved the experience of getting to hug his ‘pleasure rod' deep in her cleavage. He rolled his hips while kneading her warm, soft titty meat around his member. He had to go slow, but that just meant he could savor the experience more.Their eyes locked, they smiled at each other.Jude's pleasure kept building. When he felt himself reaching climax, he stopped undulating his hips, and started rapid stroking by sliding Lyndsey's tits along his entire shaft. Lyndsey raised her head and opened her mouth. His glans was swollen and purple. His tip's opening was dialated. Then he stopped, & shot a load into her face. Most of it landed inside her mouth. She swallowed the first two volleys, but got hit in the nose when the third volley launched before she was ready.While Jude panted, Lyndsey wiped some residual cum from her nose, then into her mouth with her pinky; and smacked, saying, “That tastes so good.”His knees began to hurt from kneeling on the hard oak table for so long, so Jude hopped off & Lyndsey followed. They faced each other. Even in her bare feet, Jude's face only came up to Lyndsey's shoulders, so he had to look up to meet her eyes. He placed his hands on her waist, then ran his hands over her hips to grab her voluptuous ass.Lyndsey placed a tit over each of his shoulders. He couldn't believe that just the evening before, he had been thinking about walking out on her. This woman had a face like Kaley Cuoco, a body like Kate Upton, an ass like Beyonce, and she was all his. How much luckier could a guy be?“Do you want to take a shower?” she asked.Getting covered in the hot water & rubbing suds all over each other's body, was almost as enjoyable as actual sex. Jude curiously explored every inch of Lyndsey's Amazonian figure with his hands, polishing her like a devotee polishing the idol of a goddess. She also loved the opportunity to explore her well-hung stud. First she shampooed his hair, slowly, sweetly. She then ran her hands down his torso to start washing this cock of a Greek god.  If Jude hadn't spent himself twice, and his body wasn't essentially dormant in the semen-producing process; He'd probably have been ready for ‘round three'.After toweling each other off, Jude went to find his scattered clothes. He picked them up and pulled his phone out of the pants pocket to check if he had any message. There was a text from Jason:“Hey dude, sorry about last night. No hard feelings? Come by and we'll talk about how I can make it up to you.”“Oh really..” Jude said quietly to himself.Lyndsey came out wearing just a bath blanket around her chest. “What is it?”“It's Jason, he sent me a text, inviting me over to apologize.” Jude smirked. “Do you want to come with me?”“Help me pick out something to wear.” Lyndsey said as she turned back to her bedroom.Jude dressed Lyndsey in a baby-blue sweetheart crop-top that showed off her hefty cleavage and a pair of tight designer jeans to flatter the curves of her sultry ass. Jude thought she looked ‘eat me' good, but not nearly as good as the look on Jason's face when he opened his front door and saw them together.“I brought Lyndsey,” said Jude, giving her right butt cheek a squeeze, “is that all right?”“Um, yeah.” Jason stared at them awkwardly.“Aren't you gonna invite us in?” asked Lyndsey, in a sexy voice.“What? Oh, yeah. Come and sit down.”Jason took the armchair, Lyndsey and Jude snuggled together on the opposing sofa.“It was really nice of you to invite us over to see how our date went,” Jude said with a mock smile.Jason continued to stare at the two of them, but mostly at Lyndsey's tit cleavage. “Uh.”“Thanks for introducing me to such a sweet guy,” said Lyndsey, running her fingers through Jude's hair. “We had a lot, of fun last night.”They started making out; moaning, shamelessly sticking their tongues in each other's mouths. It was otherwise silent, as Jason watched them for over a full minute before saying; “Alright, alright, you can stop.”Jude pulled his face away from Lyndsey's. “What do you mean, Jason?”“Yeah,” said Lyndsey, “can't a girl show her new man some loving?”“I know you're just fucking with me.”“Now, what makes you say that?” asked Lyndsey.“Come on,” Justin pleaded. “There's no way a girl like you is so crazy about a guy like him.”Jude stood up & squinted. “Some friend you are.”“Sorry, but I'm just being honest.” Then Justin looked at Lyndsey; “Lyndsey, what could he possibly have that makes you fall in love after one date?”Lyndsey scooted to the edge of the sofa behind Jude & reached around his waist. She unbuckled Jude's belt, unzipped his fly, and pulled out his anaconda. Jason's eyes went wide.“How's that for a reason?” said Lyndsey, peeking around, Jude's waist on his left side. Then she aimed his shaft over toward her face, and licked around his cock head in swirls.Jude lovingly rested his hand on Lyndsey's devoted head, and he gave Jason a satisfied smile.Lyndsey's tits were hardly contained at all, as she remained bent over. She knew Jason was tortured & devastated.Having sufficiently tormented their host, the couple thanked him again for his matchmaking kindness, and went back to her place for a swim, and more adventures.By Bernard Marx for Literotica

Young virgin college grad's blind date with an Amazon Goddess.By Bernard Marx – Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Jude was five-six, slim, and had a boyish face that could be better described as pretty than handsome. He compensates by trying to grow a beard.Lyndsey was blonde, beautiful, and built. She was six foot two in heels. Her tits hung like ripe melons. Her juicy thighs and bubble-butt rounded out a form that could silence a room just by walking in. The two of them were all too happy to make their friends uncomfortable with impromptu make out sessions or keep their neighbors up every night with pleasurable moans from their residence.How they met..They were truly the most passionate couple you'd ever seen, if not an unusual one to look at.It's amazing to think that their relationship started off with a prank.At first Jude had been surprised at his friend, Jason, and his generosity that night. Setting up blind dates wasn't normally the kind of thing Jason did. Jason explained that Jude deserved a break after graduating college without having scored even one girl's phone number all four years.Jude showered, shaved, put on his best - and only - suit, and went to the restaurant. The fears that he would be meeting some dumpy chess club girl immediately disappeared when he saw the angel already seated & waiting for him at the table. Her full crimson lips that begged to be kissed, big blue eyes, hair like gold silk, and generous rack stretching out the body-hugging magenta knit dress.“Are you Jude?” Lyndsey asked with a pleasant smile.He gulped. “Yeah.”“I'm Lyndsey, nice to meet you.”She thought Jude was charming and sweet; he thought Lyndsey was enchanting and funny. Jude couldn't believe how lucky he was. But he was incredibly nervous, at the same time.About twenty minutes into the date, through appetizers and drinks; Lyndsey said “Let me go powder my nose.”When she stood up to her full, majestic height, Jude took in her towering statuesque presence. He suddenly felt like he was in an ancient Greek temple. She smiled and walked toward the back restrooms.A man sitting at the nearest table, glanced at her as she walked past him, then locked eyes with Jude and started chuckling. Jude had been the recipient of short jokes for years, but this stranger's laughter was an insult.Jude snorted, then pulled out his phone and texted Jason:Haw! Haw! Real funny, dickhead.Jason's response was three laughing-face emojis with three eggplants.Jude thought about walking out then and there, but that would've been rude to Lyndsey. She's been very pleasant company up til now.It would be better to just ride the date out, then text her tomorrow with some vague excuse about he's too busy to date right now.Rejection is a hideous tormentor. And Jude's fear of rejection often pushed him to do the rejecting, even when his fears were unfounded.Lyndsey came back right as the waiter set their plates down in front of them.“Don't you just love it when you come back from the rest room and your food is waiting for you?” She asked as she sat down.“Um, ah yeah, it's great.” He poked at his salmon.Lyndsey started twirling fettuccini around her fork, an awkward playful smile on her face. “I bet you were surprised at how tall I was, huh?”“What? Oh, no. I mean … you're not that tall.”“Please don't. I'm the same height as both my brothers.” She chuckled. “I'm not self-conscious about it, at least not anymore. High school days were rough, though.” She ate a forkful of pasta.“I know what that's like” Jude replied.  “I'm surprised you didn't run off when you saw how short I was.”Lyndsey looked Jude in the eye and with a reassuring gentle tone, said; “To tell you the truth, I'm not one of those girls who obsesses about guys' heights, I'd be a hypocrite if I did.” She added a smile and a wink.Jude smiled at that. “Jason is such a dick, he thought he was being so funny, setting us up.”“Listen,” Jude said. ”I wouldn't be insulted if you wanted to end this right now.”“Nah, you're cool” Lyndsey said with a smile & a raised eyebrow.Things only got better from there. They laughed and talked while they ate, finishing a whole bottle of wine. When Lyndsey invited Jude to follow her back to her place, he was too buzzed and too enamored to say no. As they entered her condo, she showed him to the couch and sat next to him.“It's been ages since I invited a guy back here,” she purred, stroking Jude's thigh.“Uh huh.” His cock was getting hard. “Me too. I mean - ”Giggling and giddy, she injected, “I know what you mean.” She smelled like flowers.“You're beautiful.” Jude said, in a most worshipful expression.“Thank you, Jude.”She placed both her hands on his cheeks and gently pulled him in for a kiss. Her lips were so soft. He let her tongue creep into his mouth.After a few minutes, he pulled back.“Something wrong?” she asked.“I need to tell you something, Lyndsey.”“What?”“I'm …” He took a deep breath. “I'm … a virgin.”Lyndsey smiled in a most appreciative way. She gently stroked his cheek. “That's fine.”“Really? You still want to be with me?” Jude smiled in obvious relief. Now his dick was hard as a diamond.“Of course, I think it's sweet. Something special saved just for me! I've always wanted to be someone's first.” She gracefully stood up and kicked off her heels with purpose. Turning to look down to him, she added; “I'm going to make this a very special night for you.”She reached behind her back and unhooked her dress, then lowered her dress down around her shoulders. Carefully pulling each arm out of the sleeves; she lowered the fabric down to reveal her luscious melons. They looked even bigger naked: plump, round, and rocking pendulously. Jude reached up for them, but his arms were too short, and she was too tall. Lyndsey bent down, grabbed Jude's hands, and placed them on her breasts; he squeezed & massaged them. They were so soft and warm.“Do you love them?” she asked.“Oh, oh God, yes.” He stammered, struggling to contain her copious flesh in his delicate hands; precum started to ooze from the tip of his dick, still tucked in his pants.“They're all yours, tonight.”Here was this towering example of feminine perfection offering herself to him, it almost didn't seem real.She let him fondle her for another minute before turning around and sliding off the lower half of her dress to reveal her pale, voluptuous ass. It was like twin moons in front of Jude's face, and he felt like he was going to turn into a werewolf. She ripped off her thong, then slapped her right cheek.“I love my ass.” She said, then bent over to twerk. Jude's face grew hot, his dick felt like it was close to bursting out of his pants as he watched Lyndsey's pale ‘badonkadonk' ass quivering in front of him.She turned around again to face her seated date, then pulled Jude up by his collar to stand facing her tits, and said, “You ready?”He nodded resolutely. After throwing off his jacket, he tried to unbutton his shirt, but his fingers kept slipping.Lyndsey softly touched his hand. “It's alright, I got this.” She carefully undid each button, then slid his shirt off, smiling and giving him warm eye contact the whole time.Jude wasn't just about to lose his virginity; he was going to give his body to a beautiful angel who actually cared about him. But it was when she unbuckled his belt that he suddenly became nervous.“Uh, Wait, Jack said, nervously. “I need to tell you -”“It's alright,” she unzipped his pants, and they fell to the floor. “I don't really care about”.She slid down his underwear and gasped - “Size. Oh my gawd!” she screamed in giddy delight.She reverently caressed his organ. “It's like a zucchini. A prized produce at the county fair!”Jude winced. He felt like he could cum any second, so she let go and just knelt there, admiring his full package.She touched his balls. "These feel swollen. When was the last time you jerked off?”“Never.” He winced again. “When I was fourteen, my mom walked in on me. She went on for days, telling me how filthy I was. Shaming me into a state of severe self-loathing that I'm finally just getting past. I've been afraid to touch myself ever since.”“Oh, you poor thing, you don't understand pleasure.” She took his shaft in both hands and gave it a light squeeze. “Don't worry, I'm gonna properly milk this king cobra for you.”Lyndsey eased Jude back sitting the couch. Then positioned herself straddling, facing him, and slid her sopping wet pussy down onto Jude's enormous pole.Both of them shuddered. Her warm, moist sex around his manhood was the greatest sensation he had ever felt. He had to summon all his willpower to stop himself from cumming then and there.“That feels so good,” Jude whispered.“It's about to feel even better.”She started to slowly descend, fully taking his length inside her, then she began to grind side to side, rubbing her clit across his pubic bone. He wrapped his arms around her waist. The feeling of finally having a woman's skin against his body was good enough to make a tear roll down his cheek.Lyndsey engulfed Jude's face in her deep cleavage as she started to buck, undulating her hips back and forth with practiced rhythm. Jude slid his hands around to her ass cheeks, squeezing them like a man holding on for the ride of his life.“Smack my ass, baby,” Lyndsey moaned.Jude gave her cheeks a gingerly tap.“Uh, I said smack it,” she ordered. “I can take it.” An animal was revealing itself as the Amazonian woman sought her sexual release.He raised his hands as high as he could and delivered two thunderous cracks to his lover's luscious ass-cheeks.“Yeah, That's more like it, baby.” She assured him.Their bodies were steaming-hot against each other. Pussy-juice dripped down Jude's cock. Red patches bloomed on Lyndsey's body as her panting grew more intense & her body overheated. Jude had been trying to hold his orgasm, to savor the feeling of being rigidly and fully connected to Lyndsey's warm, wet depths. But now he was almost at his limit, with his head still buried between her massive tits.Jude's first time was perfectly situated. Lyndsey was in charge and she knew he could go off at any time. She was controlling all the action. He just sat there and  enjoyed the ride'. He had years of inactivity (unless you count the nocturnal emissions). But fortunately Jude was lasting long enough to give Lyndsey a fuck to remember, on a pole she didn't think she'd ever get to enjoy.“Emginnasplid,” he groaned into her titty meat.Lyndsey reared back. “What'd you say, baby?” she panted.“I said I'm gonna explode!”“Explode! Yes. Explode inside me, baby. Gimme all that creamy gooey cum!” She arched her back and began a more rapid series of ‘elevator rides' on his cock. Jude caught his breath and then began sucking one of her engorged nipples, while his hands wrapped her slender waistline.After a few more quick pumps, Lyndsey suddenly froze in place. Her body went rigid, her eyes rolled back in her head. Jude held her upper torso, thinking she was going unconscious. Then her pussy clamped around Jude's cock like a trap, triggering his payload of spunt to make their exit.Jude let all resistance go. His own muscles tensed, and his balls contracted as thick cum rocketed into Lyndsey's womb. She smiled blissfully as her depths took a direct hit of his blast. There was one volley, then another, then another; his pulsing dick had a mind of its own. His arousal ascending to unknown heights of ecstasy, sending wave after wave of pleasure into Jude's brain, then tingling all over his entire body.“Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ooohh! Oooohhhh!” Lyndsey moaned. Back arched and body quivering, she gripped over the backrest of the couch as though her raw ecstasy would launch her into the ceiling.They both shuddered with one final wave of orgasm before Lyndsey collapsed onto Jude's shoulder. He felt so small with her goddess body on top of him - it felt good somehow, safe. They held each other, panting, their bodies slick with sweat. Once his cock softened & contracted, she rolled off of him. They sat there, catching their breath.This woman is a complete contradiction to everything Jude's mother had brainwashed him into believing. Sex is not ‘filthy'. God made sex. God made sex especially wonderful for humanity to experience! The lies, the shame, the self-loathing; Jude was now free of all of it. And Lyndsey was the best ambassador of this new freedom. She was free from shame and she rescued Jude from shame, as well.“That was amazing.” Lyndsey caressed his cheek. “You're perfect. You're a lovemaking master!!Then Jude started crying. Not only was he finally free, he was able to make a goddess like Lyndsey happy, satisfied, and yet wanting more."What's wrong?” Lyndsey softly inquired, with her head on his shoulder.“It's …” he tried to say through his tears. “It's just … I thought I might never get to do that with anyone, especially someone as beautiful; as perfect as you.”“Oh, baby.” She rolled off him as she reclined; pulling him over, into her arms. “I'm here now. Don't worry. You'll never be alone again.”  Her words penetrated his soul. This bond of their spirits was indescribable. A holy moment of two hearts becoming one with each other; spirit, soul, and body. Years of Jude's torment were now over. It was far better than all his Christmas mornings, all put together. The greatest gift he could ever dream of, was fully committed to him, and fully satisfied by him. She gently stroked his head until he fell asleep.Jude opened his eyes up to a sunlit living room. He was still on the couch, but it was now evidently the next morning. At first, he thought the previous night had to have been a dream. Jude's world had changed, and he still couldn't fathom the depths of that change.Then he realized he was still buck naked and an angelic female voice was softly singing in the next room. He also heard something sizzling in the next room, & smelled the delicious aroma of bacon. Ignoring any shame, Jude nakedly followed his nose into the kitchen where Lyndsey was standing at the stove.“Morning, sleepy head,” she said with a blissful smile. She was wearing nothing but Jude's dress shirt from the night before, it not only left the bottom of her ass cheeks hanging out, but the top three buttons remained unbuttoned in full surrender to her massive boobs extending out.He sat down at the dining table with plates of fluffy eggs and in a moment she arrived with a pile of crispy bacon. They didn't talk much while eating, they just smiled at each other between bites.“You're a good cook,” Jude said after he finished.“My mom always told me” Lyndsey said, blushing; “The best way to make a man happy is to keep his balls empty, and his stomach full.”“Well, mission accomplished.” Jude declared.She giggled. “Oh Gawd! Last night was amazing.”“You did most of the work, my dear cowgirl.”"Hey, don't be modest. You've got the kind of dick I've been dreaming about,” she said as she wiped her mouth with a napkin and slid her plate aside.He looked down at his member. "I've always known it was, well, above average, but I haven't done anything with it.”She reached across & rubbed his hand. “That's what I'm here for.” Lyndsey declared. “Hey, What's something you've always wanted to do, uh sexually?”“Uh, Everything,” Jude admitted.“Okay? Well, what's the first sex thing that pops into your head?”He looked at Lyndsey's revealed massive tits threatening to pop the straining fourth button off Jude's dress shirt.“Titty fucking?” Jude supplicated.Lyndsey smiled assuringly. She stood & cleared the table completely taking the things into the kitchen, then she came out a second later, and started slowly unbuttoning her man's shirt in a burlesque show presentation. Jude's cock was rock hard by the time she flung it off. She twirled and planted her ass on the end of the table, keeping a sultry expression, she maintained her intense gaze into Jude's eyes; then lowed herself on her back in the middle of the sturdy oak table.“Go ahead.” Was all she said with a slow wink.Jude quickly climbed onto the table, straddling over Lyndsey's torso with his thighs, then lowered his cock into the deep valley of her cleavage. she squeezed her breasts around him, the head of his cock poking through the top of her cleavage, to greet her. The tip of his glans seemed to be staring back to her, wanting her, calling her.“No one's ever been able to stick their dick all the way through,” said Lyndsey with glee. “Your heavenly cock is staring at me, Jude.”The luscious tit cleavage wasn't as stimulating to his cock as her wet, taut pussy, but it still felt good. She loved the experience of getting to hug his ‘pleasure rod' deep in her cleavage. He rolled his hips while kneading her warm, soft titty meat around his member. He had to go slow, but that just meant he could savor the experience more.Their eyes locked, they smiled at each other.Jude's pleasure kept building. When he felt himself reaching climax, he stopped undulating his hips, and started rapid stroking by sliding Lyndsey's tits along his entire shaft. Lyndsey raised her head and opened her mouth. His glans was swollen and purple. His tip's opening was dialated. Then he stopped, & shot a load into her face. Most of it landed inside her mouth. She swallowed the first two volleys, but got hit in the nose when the third volley launched before she was ready.While Jude panted, Lyndsey wiped some residual cum from her nose, then into her mouth with her pinky; and smacked, saying, “That tastes so good.”His knees began to hurt from kneeling on the hard oak table for so long, so Jude hopped off & Lyndsey followed. They faced each other. Even in her bare feet, Jude's face only came up to Lyndsey's shoulders, so he had to look up to meet her eyes. He placed his hands on her waist, then ran his hands over her hips to grab her voluptuous ass.Lyndsey placed a tit over each of his shoulders. He couldn't believe that just the evening before, he had been thinking about walking out on her. This woman had a face like Kaley Cuoco, a body like Kate Upton, an ass like Beyonce, and she was all his. How much luckier could a guy be?“Do you want to take a shower?” she asked.Getting covered in the hot water & rubbing suds all over each other's body, was almost as enjoyable as actual sex. Jude curiously explored every inch of Lyndsey's Amazonian figure with his hands, polishing her like a devotee polishing the idol of a goddess. She also loved the opportunity to explore her well-hung stud. First she shampooed his hair, slowly, sweetly. She then ran her hands down his torso to start washing this cock of a Greek god.  If Jude hadn't spent himself twice, and his body wasn't essentially dormant in the semen-producing process; He'd probably have been ready for ‘round three'.After toweling each other off, Jude went to find his scattered clothes. He picked them up and pulled his phone out of the pants pocket to check if he had any message. There was a text from Jason:“Hey dude, sorry about last night. No hard feelings? Come by and we'll talk about how I can make it up to you.”“Oh really..” Jude said quietly to himself.Lyndsey came out wearing just a bath blanket around her chest. “What is it?”“It's Jason, he sent me a text, inviting me over to apologize.” Jude smirked. “Do you want to come with me?”“Help me pick out something to wear.” Lyndsey said as she turned back to her bedroom.Jude dressed Lyndsey in a baby-blue sweetheart crop-top that showed off her hefty cleavage and a pair of tight designer jeans to flatter the curves of her sultry ass. Jude thought she looked ‘eat me' good, but not nearly as good as the look on Jason's face when he opened his front door and saw them together.“I brought Lyndsey,” said Jude, giving her right butt cheek a squeeze, “is that all right?”“Um, yeah.” Jason stared at them awkwardly.“Aren't you gonna invite us in?” asked Lyndsey, in a sexy voice.“What? Oh, yeah. Come and sit down.”Jason took the armchair, Lyndsey and Jude snuggled together on the opposing sofa.“It was really nice of you to invite us over to see how our date went,” Jude said with a mock smile.Jason continued to stare at the two of them, but mostly at Lyndsey's tit cleavage. “Uh.”“Thanks for introducing me to such a sweet guy,” said Lyndsey, running her fingers through Jude's hair. “We had a lot, of fun last night.”They started making out; moaning, shamelessly sticking their tongues in each other's mouths. It was otherwise silent, as Jason watched them for over a full minute before saying; “Alright, alright, you can stop.”Jude pulled his face away from Lyndsey's. “What do you mean, Jason?”“Yeah,” said Lyndsey, “can't a girl show her new man some loving?”“I know you're just fucking with me.”“Now, what makes you say that?” asked Lyndsey.“Come on,” Justin pleaded. “There's no way a girl like you is so crazy about a guy like him.”Jude stood up & squinted. “Some friend you are.”“Sorry, but I'm just being honest.” Then Justin looked at Lyndsey; “Lyndsey, what could he possibly have that makes you fall in love after one date?”Lyndsey scooted to the edge of the sofa behind Jude & reached around his waist. She unbuckled Jude's belt, unzipped his fly, and pulled out his anaconda. Jason's eyes went wide.“How's that for a reason?” said Lyndsey, peeking around, Jude's waist on his left side. Then she aimed his shaft over toward her face, and licked around his cock head in swirls.Jude lovingly rested his hand on Lyndsey's devoted head, and he gave Jason a satisfied smile.Lyndsey's tits were hardly contained at all, as she remained bent over. She knew Jason was tortured & devastated.Having sufficiently tormented their host, the couple thanked him again for his matchmaking kindness, and went back to her place for a swim, and more adventures.By Bernard Marx for Literotica

Young virgin college grad's blind date with an Amazon Goddess. By Bernard Marx – Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Jude was five-six, slim, and had a boyish face that could be better described as pretty than handsome. He compensates by trying to grow a beard. Lyndsey was blonde, beautiful, and built. She was six foot two in heels. Her tits hung like ripe melons. Her juicy thighs and bubble-butt rounded out a form that could silence a room just by walking in. The two of them were all too happy to make their friends uncomfortable with impromptu make out sessions or keep their neighbors up every night with pleasurable moans from their residence. How they met.. [[MORE]] They were truly the most passionate couple you'd ever seen, if not an unusual one to look at. It's amazing to think that their relationship started off with a prank. At first Jude had been surprised at his friend, Jason, and his generosity that night. Setting up blind dates wasn't normally the kind of thing Jason did. Jason explained that Jude deserved a break after graduating college without having scored even one girl's phone number all four years. Jude showered, shaved, put on his best - and only - suit, and went to the restaurant. The fears that he would be meeting some dumpy chess club girl immediately disappeared when he saw the angel already seated & waiting for him at the table. Her full crimson lips that begged to be kissed, big blue eyes, hair like gold silk, and generous rack stretching out the body-hugging magenta knit dress. “Are you Jude?” Lyndsey asked with a pleasant smile. He gulped. “Yeah.” “I'm Lyndsey, nice to meet you.” She thought Jude was charming and sweet; he thought Lyndsey was enchanting and funny. Jude couldn't believe how lucky he was. But he was incredibly nervous, at the same time. About twenty minutes into the date, through appetizers and drinks; Lyndsey said “Let me go powder my nose.” When she stood up to her full, majestic height, Jude took in her towering statuesque presence. He suddenly felt like he was in an ancient Greek temple. She smiled and walked toward the back restrooms. A man sitting at the nearest table, glanced at her as she walked past him, then locked eyes with Jude and started chuckling. Jude had been the recipient of short jokes for years, but this stranger's laughter was an insult. Jude snorted, then pulled out his phone and texted Jason: Haw! Haw! Real funny, dickhead. Jason's response was three laughing-face emojis with three eggplants. Jude thought about walking out then and there, but that would've been rude to Lyndsey. She's been very pleasant company up til now. It would be better to just ride the date out, then text her tomorrow with some vague excuse about he's too busy to date right now. Rejection is a hideous tormentor. And Jude's fear of rejection often pushed him to do the rejecting, even when his fears were unfounded. Lyndsey came back right as the waiter set their plates down in front of them. “Don't you just love it when you come back from the rest room and your food is waiting for you?” She asked as she sat down. “Um, ah yeah, it's great.” He poked at his salmon. Lyndsey started twirling fettuccini around her fork, an awkward playful smile on her face. “I bet you were surprised at how tall I was, huh?” “What? Oh, no. I mean … you're not that tall.” “Please don't. I'm the same height as both my brothers.” She chuckled. “I'm not self-conscious about it, at least not anymore. High school days were rough, though.” She ate a forkful of pasta. “I know what that's like” Jude replied.  “I'm surprised you didn't run off when you saw how short I was.” Lyndsey looked Jude in the eye and with a reassuring gentle tone, said; “To tell you the truth, I'm not one of those girls who obsesses about guys' heights, I'd be a hypocrite if I did.” She added a smile and a wink. Jude smiled at that. “Jason is such a dick, he thought he was being so funny, setting us up.” “Listen,” Jude said. ”I wouldn't be insulted if you wanted to end this right now.” “Nah, you're cool” Lyndsey said with a smile & a raised eyebrow. Things only got better from there. They laughed and talked while they ate, finishing a whole bottle of wine. When Lyndsey invited Jude to follow her back to her place, he was too buzzed and too enamored to say no. As they entered her condo, she showed him to the couch and sat next to him. “It's been ages since I invited a guy back here,” she purred, stroking Jude's thigh. “Uh huh.” His cock was getting hard. “Me too. I mean - ” Giggling and giddy, she injected, “I know what you mean.” She smelled like flowers. “You're beautiful.” Jude said, in a most worshipful expression. “Thank you, Jude.” She placed both her hands on his cheeks and gently pulled him in for a kiss. Her lips were so soft. He let her tongue creep into his mouth. After a few minutes, he pulled back. “Something wrong?” she asked. “I need to tell you something, Lyndsey.” “What?” “I'm …” He took a deep breath. “I'm … a virgin.” Lyndsey smiled in a most appreciative way. She gently stroked his cheek. "That's fine.” “Really? You still want to be with me?” Jude smiled in obvious relief. Now his dick was hard as a diamond. “Of course, I think it's sweet. Something special saved just for me! I've always wanted to be someone's first.” She gracefully stood up and kicked off her heels with purpose. Turning to look down to him, she added; “I'm going to make this a very special night for you.” She reached behind her back and unhooked her dress, then lowered her dress down around her shoulders. Carefully pulling each arm out of the sleeves; she lowered the fabric down to reveal her luscious melons. They looked even bigger naked: plump, round, and rocking pendulously. Jude reached up for them, but his arms were too short, and she was too tall. Lyndsey bent down, grabbed Jude's hands, and placed them on her breasts; he squeezed & massaged them. They were so soft and warm. “Do you love them?” she asked. “Oh, oh God, yes.” He stammered, struggling to contain her copious flesh in his delicate hands; precum started to ooze from the tip of his dick, still tucked in his pants. “They're all yours, tonight.” Here was this towering example of feminine perfection offering herself to him, it almost didn't seem real. She let him fondle her for another minute before turning around and sliding off the lower half of her dress to reveal her pale, voluptuous ass. It was like twin moons in front of Jude's face, and he felt like he was going to turn into a werewolf. She ripped off her thong, then slapped her right cheek. “I love my ass.” She said, then bent over to twerk. Jude's face grew hot, his dick felt like it was close to bursting out of his pants as he watched Lyndsey's pale ‘badonkadonk' ass quivering in front of him. She turned around again to face her seated date, then pulled Jude up by his collar to stand facing her tits, and said, “You ready?” He nodded resolutely. After throwing off his jacket, he tried to unbutton his shirt, but his fingers kept slipping. Lyndsey softly touched his hand. “It's alright, I got this.” She carefully undid each button, then slid his shirt off, smiling and giving him warm eye contact the whole time. Jude wasn't just about to lose his virginity; he was going to give his body to a beautiful angel who actually cared about him. But it was when she unbuckled his belt that he suddenly became nervous. “Uh, Wait, Jack said, nervously. “I need to tell you -” “It's alright,” she unzipped his pants, and they fell to the floor. “I don't really care about”. She slid down his underwear and gasped - “Size. Oh my gawd!” she screamed in giddy delight. She reverently caressed his organ. “It's like a zucchini. A prized produce at the county fair!” Jude winced. He felt like he could cum any second, so she let go and just knelt there, admiring his full package. She touched his balls. "These feel swollen. When was the last time you jerked off?” “Never.” He winced again. “When I was fourteen, my mom walked in on me. She went on for days, telling me how filthy I was. Shaming me into a state of severe self-loathing that I'm finally just getting past. I've been afraid to touch myself ever since.” “Oh, you poor thing, you don't understand pleasure.” She took his shaft in both hands and gave it a light squeeze. “Don't worry, I'm gonna properly milk this king cobra for you.” Lyndsey eased Jude back sitting the couch. Then positioned herself straddling, facing him, and slid her sopping wet pussy down onto Jude's enormous pole. Both of them shuddered. Her warm, moist sex around his manhood was the greatest sensation he had ever felt. He had to summon all his willpower to stop himself from cumming then and there. “That feels so good,” Jude whispered. “It's about to feel even better.” She started to slowly descend, fully taking his length inside her, then she began to grind side to side, rubbing her clit across his pubic bone. He wrapped his arms around her waist. The feeling of finally having a woman's skin against his body was good enough to make a tear roll down his cheek. Lyndsey engulfed Jude's face in her deep cleavage as she started to buck, undulating her hips back and forth with practiced rhythm. Jude slid his hands around to her ass cheeks, squeezing them like a man holding on for the ride of his life. “Smack my ass, baby,” Lyndsey moaned. Jude gave her cheeks a gingerly tap. “Uh, I said smack it,” she ordered. “I can take it.” An animal was revealing itself as the Amazonian woman sought her sexual release. He raised his hands as high as he could and delivered two thunderous cracks to his lover's luscious ass-cheeks. “Yeah, That's more like it, baby.” She assured him. Their bodies were steaming-hot against each other. Pussy-juice dripped down Jude's cock. Red patches bloomed on Lyndsey's body as her panting grew more intense & her body overheated. Jude had been trying to hold his orgasm, to savor the feeling of being rigidly and fully connected to Lyndsey's warm, wet depths. But now he was almost at his limit, with his head still buried between her massive tits. Jude's first time was perfectly situated. Lyndsey was in charge and she knew he could go off at any time. She was controlling all the action. He just sat there and  enjoyed the ride'. He had years of inactivity (unless you count the nocturnal emissions). But fortunately Jude was lasting long enough to give Lyndsey a fuck to remember, on a pole she didn't think she'd ever get to enjoy. “Emginnasplid,” he groaned into her titty meat. Lyndsey reared back. “What'd you say, baby?” she panted. “I said I'm gonna explode!” “Explode! Yes. Explode inside me, baby. Gimme all that creamy gooey cum!” She arched her back and began a more rapid series of ‘elevator rides' on his cock. Jude caught his breath and then began sucking one of her engorged nipples, while his hands wrapped her slender waistline. After a few more quick pumps, Lyndsey suddenly froze in place. Her body went rigid, her eyes rolled back in her head. Jude held her upper torso, thinking she was going unconscious. Then her pussy clamped around Jude's cock like a trap, triggering his payload of spunt to make their exit. Jude let all resistance go. His own muscles tensed, and his balls contracted as thick cum rocketed into Lyndsey's womb. She smiled blissfully as her depths took a direct hit of his blast. There was one volley, then another, then another; his pulsing dick had a mind of its own. His arousal ascending to unknown heights of ecstasy, sending wave after wave of pleasure into Jude's brain, then tingling all over his entire body. “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ooohh! Oooohhhh!” Lyndsey moaned. Back arched and body quivering, she gripped over the backrest of the couch as though her raw ecstasy would launch her into the ceiling. They both shuddered with one final wave of orgasm before Lyndsey collapsed onto Jude's shoulder. He felt so small with her goddess body on top of him - it felt good somehow, safe. They held each other, panting, their bodies slick with sweat. Once his cock softened & contracted, she rolled off of him. They sat there, catching their breath. This woman is a complete contradiction to everything Jude's mother had brainwashed him into believing. Sex is not ‘filthy'. God made sex. God made sex especially wonderful for humanity to experience! The lies, the shame, the self-loathing; Jude was now free of all of it. And Lyndsey was the best ambassador of this new freedom. She was free from shame and she rescued Jude from shame, as well. “That was amazing.” Lyndsey caressed his cheek. “You're perfect. You're a lovemaking master!! Then Jude started crying. Not only was he finally free, he was able to make a goddess like Lyndsey happy, satisfied, and yet wanting more. "What's wrong?” Lyndsey softly inquired, with her head on his shoulder. “It's …” he tried to say through his tears. “It's just … I thought I might never get to do that with anyone, especially someone as beautiful; as perfect as you.” “Oh, baby.” She rolled off him as she reclined; pulling him over, into her arms. “I'm here now. Don't worry. You'll never be alone again.”  Her words penetrated his soul. This bond of their spirits was indescribable. A holy moment of two hearts becoming one with each other; spirit, soul, and body. Years of Jude's torment were now over. It was far better than all his Christmas mornings, all put together. The greatest gift he could ever dream of, was fully committed to him, and fully satisfied by him. She gently stroked his head until he fell asleep. Jude opened his eyes up to a sunlit living room. He was still on the couch, but it was now evidently the next morning. At first, he thought the previous night had to have been a dream. Jude's world had changed, and he still couldn't fathom the depths of that change. Then he realized he was still buck naked and an angelic female voice was softly singing in the next room. He also heard something sizzling in the next room, & smelled the delicious aroma of bacon. Ignoring any shame, Jude nakedly followed his nose into the kitchen where Lyndsey was standing at the stove. “Morning, sleepy head,” she said with a blissful smile. She was wearing nothing but Jude's dress shirt from the night before, it not only left the bottom of her ass cheeks hanging out, but the top three buttons remained unbuttoned in full surrender to her massive boobs extending out. He sat down at the dining table with plates of fluffy eggs and in a moment she arrived with a pile of crispy bacon. They didn't talk much while eating, they just smiled at each other between bites. “You're a good cook,” Jude said after he finished. “My mom always told me” Lyndsey said, blushing; “The best way to make a man happy is to keep his balls empty, and his stomach full.” “Well, mission accomplished.” Jude declared. She giggled. “Oh Gawd! Last night was amazing.” “You did most of the work, my dear cowgirl.” "Hey, don't be modest. You've got the kind of dick I've been dreaming about,” she said as she wiped her mouth with a napkin and slid her plate aside. He looked down at his member. "I've always known it was, well, above average, but I haven't done anything with it.” She reached across & rubbed his hand. “That's what I'm here for.” Lyndsey declared. “Hey, What's something you've always wanted to do, uh sexually?” “Uh, Everything,” Jude admitted. “Okay? Well, what's the first sex thing that pops into your head?” He looked at Lyndsey's revealed massive tits threatening to pop the straining fourth button off Jude's dress shirt. “Titty fucking?” Jude supplicated. Lyndsey smiled assuringly. She stood & cleared the table completely taking the things into the kitchen, then she came out a second later, and started slowly unbuttoning her man's shirt in a burlesque show presentation. Jude's cock was rock hard by the time she flung it off. She twirled and planted her ass on the end of the table, keeping a sultry expression, she maintained her intense gaze into Jude's eyes; then lowed herself on her back in the middle of the sturdy oak table. “Go ahead.” Was all she said with a slow wink. Jude quickly climbed onto the table, straddling over Lyndsey's torso with his thighs, then lowered his cock into the deep valley of her cleavage. she squeezed her breasts around him, the head of his cock poking through the top of her cleavage, to greet her. The tip of his glans seemed to be staring back to her, wanting her, calling her. “No one's ever been able to stick their dick all the way through,” said Lyndsey with glee. “Your heavenly cock is staring at me, Jude.” The luscious tit cleavage wasn't as stimulating to his cock as her wet, taut pussy, but it still felt good. She loved the experience of getting to hug his ‘pleasure rod' deep in her cleavage. He rolled his hips while kneading her warm, soft titty meat around his member. He had to go slow, but that just meant he could savor the experience more. Their eyes locked, they smiled at each other. Jude's pleasure kept building. When he felt himself reaching climax, he stopped undulating his hips, and started rapid stroking by sliding Lyndsey's tits along his entire shaft. Lyndsey raised her head and opened her mouth. His glans was swollen and purple. His tip's opening was dialated. Then he stopped, & shot a load into her face. Most of it landed inside her mouth. She swallowed the first two volleys, but got hit in the nose when the third volley launched before she was ready. While Jude panted, Lyndsey wiped some residual cum from her nose, then into her mouth with her pinky; and smacked, saying, “That tastes so good.” His knees began to hurt from kneeling on the hard oak table for so long, so Jude hopped off & Lyndsey followed. They faced each other. Even in her bare feet, Jude's face only came up to Lyndsey's shoulders, so he had to look up to meet her eyes. He placed his hands on her waist, then ran his hands over her hips to grab her voluptuous ass. Lyndsey placed a tit over each of his shoulders. He couldn't believe that just the evening before, he had been thinking about walking out on her. This woman had a face like Kaley Cuoco, a body like Kate Upton, an ass like Beyonce, and she was all his. How much luckier could a guy be? “Do you want to take a shower?” she asked. Getting covered in the hot water & rubbing suds all over each other's body, was almost as enjoyable as actual sex. Jude curiously explored every inch of Lyndsey's Amazonian figure with his hands, polishing her like a devotee polishing the idol of a goddess. She also loved the opportunity to explore her well-hung stud. First she shampooed his hair, slowly, sweetly. She then ran her hands down his torso to start washing this cock of a Greek god.  If Jude hadn't spent himself twice, and his body wasn't essentially dormant in the semen-producing process; He'd probably have been ready for ‘round three'. After toweling each other off, Jude went to find his scattered clothes. He picked them up and pulled his phone out of the pants pocket to check if he had any message. There was a text from Jason: “Hey dude, sorry about last night. No hard feelings? Come by and we'll talk about how I can make it up to you.” “Oh really..” Jude said quietly to himself. Lyndsey came out wearing just a bath blanket around her chest. “What is it?” “It's Jason, he sent me a text, inviting me over to apologize.” Jude smirked. “Do you want to come with me?” “Help me pick out something to wear.” Lyndsey said as she turned back to her bedroom. Jude dressed Lyndsey in a baby-blue sweetheart crop-top that showed off her hefty cleavage and a pair of tight designer jeans to flatter the curves of her sultry ass. Jude thought she looked ‘eat me' good, but not nearly as good as the look on Jason's face when he opened his front door and saw them together. “I brought Lyndsey,” said Jude, giving her right butt cheek a squeeze, “is that all right?” “Um, yeah.” Jason stared at them awkwardly. “Aren't you gonna invite us in?” asked Lyndsey, in a sexy voice. “What? Oh, yeah. Come and sit down.” Jason took the armchair, Lyndsey and Jude snuggled together on the opposing sofa. “It was really nice of you to invite us over to see how our date went,” Jude said with a mock smile. Jason continued to stare at the two of them, but mostly at Lyndsey's tit cleavage. “Uh.” “Thanks for introducing me to such a sweet guy,” said Lyndsey, running her fingers through Jude's hair. “We had a lot, of fun last night.” They started making out; moaning, shamelessly sticking their tongues in each other's mouths. It was otherwise silent, as Jason watched them for over a full minute before saying; “Alright, alright, you can stop.” Jude pulled his face away from Lyndsey's. “What do you mean, Jason?” “Yeah,” said Lyndsey, “can't a girl show her new man some loving?” “I know you're just fucking with me.” “Now, what makes you say that?” asked Lyndsey. “Come on,” Justin pleaded. “There's no way a girl like you is so crazy about a guy like him.” Jude stood up & squinted. “Some friend you are.” “Sorry, but I'm just being honest.” Then Justin looked at Lyndsey; “Lyndsey, what could he possibly have that makes you fall in love after one date?” Lyndsey scooted to the edge of the sofa behind Jude & reached around his waist. She unbuckled Jude's belt, unzipped his fly, and pulled out his anaconda. Jason's eyes went wide. “How's that for a reason?” said Lyndsey, peeking around, Jude's waist on his left side. Then she aimed his shaft over toward her face, and licked around his cock head in swirls. Jude lovingly rested his hand on Lyndsey's devoted head, and he gave Jason a satisfied smile. Lyndsey's tits were hardly contained at all, as she remained bent over. She knew Jason was tortured & devastated. Having sufficiently tormented their host, the couple thanked him again for his matchmaking kindness, and went back to her place for a swim, and more adventures. By Bernard Marx for Literotica

Young virgin college grad's blind date with an Amazon Goddess. By Bernard Marx – Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Jude was five-six, slim, and had a boyish face that could be better described as pretty than handsome. He compensates by trying to grow a beard. Lyndsey was blonde, beautiful, and built. She was six foot two in heels. Her tits hung like ripe melons. Her juicy thighs and bubble-butt rounded out a form that could silence a room just by walking in. The two of them were all too happy to make their friends uncomfortable with impromptu make out sessions or keep their neighbors up every night with pleasurable moans from their residence. How they met.. [[MORE]] They were truly the most passionate couple you'd ever seen, if not an unusual one to look at. It's amazing to think that their relationship started off with a prank. At first Jude had been surprised at his friend, Jason, and his generosity that night. Setting up blind dates wasn't normally the kind of thing Jason did. Jason explained that Jude deserved a break after graduating college without having scored even one girl's phone number all four years. Jude showered, shaved, put on his best - and only - suit, and went to the restaurant. The fears that he would be meeting some dumpy chess club girl immediately disappeared when he saw the angel already seated & waiting for him at the table. Her full crimson lips that begged to be kissed, big blue eyes, hair like gold silk, and generous rack stretching out the body-hugging magenta knit dress. “Are you Jude?” Lyndsey asked with a pleasant smile. He gulped. “Yeah.” “I'm Lyndsey, nice to meet you.” She thought Jude was charming and sweet; he thought Lyndsey was enchanting and funny. Jude couldn't believe how lucky he was. But he was incredibly nervous, at the same time. About twenty minutes into the date, through appetizers and drinks; Lyndsey said “Let me go powder my nose.” When she stood up to her full, majestic height, Jude took in her towering statuesque presence. He suddenly felt like he was in an ancient Greek temple. She smiled and walked toward the back restrooms. A man sitting at the nearest table, glanced at her as she walked past him, then locked eyes with Jude and started chuckling. Jude had been the recipient of short jokes for years, but this stranger's laughter was an insult. Jude snorted, then pulled out his phone and texted Jason: Haw! Haw! Real funny, dickhead. Jason's response was three laughing-face emojis with three eggplants. Jude thought about walking out then and there, but that would've been rude to Lyndsey. She's been very pleasant company up til now. It would be better to just ride the date out, then text her tomorrow with some vague excuse about he's too busy to date right now. Rejection is a hideous tormentor. And Jude's fear of rejection often pushed him to do the rejecting, even when his fears were unfounded. Lyndsey came back right as the waiter set their plates down in front of them. “Don't you just love it when you come back from the rest room and your food is waiting for you?” She asked as she sat down. “Um, ah yeah, it's great.” He poked at his salmon. Lyndsey started twirling fettuccini around her fork, an awkward playful smile on her face. “I bet you were surprised at how tall I was, huh?” “What? Oh, no. I mean … you're not that tall.” “Please don't. I'm the same height as both my brothers.” She chuckled. “I'm not self-conscious about it, at least not anymore. High school days were rough, though.” She ate a forkful of pasta. “I know what that's like” Jude replied.  “I'm surprised you didn't run off when you saw how short I was.” Lyndsey looked Jude in the eye and with a reassuring gentle tone, said; “To tell you the truth, I'm not one of those girls who obsesses about guys' heights, I'd be a hypocrite if I did.” She added a smile and a wink. Jude smiled at that. “Jason is such a dick, he thought he was being so funny, setting us up.” “Listen,” Jude said. ”I wouldn't be insulted if you wanted to end this right now.” “Nah, you're cool” Lyndsey said with a smile & a raised eyebrow. Things only got better from there. They laughed and talked while they ate, finishing a whole bottle of wine. When Lyndsey invited Jude to follow her back to her place, he was too buzzed and too enamored to say no. As they entered her condo, she showed him to the couch and sat next to him. “It's been ages since I invited a guy back here,” she purred, stroking Jude's thigh. “Uh huh.” His cock was getting hard. “Me too. I mean - ” Giggling and giddy, she injected, “I know what you mean.” She smelled like flowers. “You're beautiful.” Jude said, in a most worshipful expression. “Thank you, Jude.” She placed both her hands on his cheeks and gently pulled him in for a kiss. Her lips were so soft. He let her tongue creep into his mouth. After a few minutes, he pulled back. “Something wrong?” she asked. “I need to tell you something, Lyndsey.” “What?” “I'm …” He took a deep breath. “I'm … a virgin.” Lyndsey smiled in a most appreciative way. She gently stroked his cheek. "That's fine.” “Really? You still want to be with me?” Jude smiled in obvious relief. Now his dick was hard as a diamond. “Of course, I think it's sweet. Something special saved just for me! I've always wanted to be someone's first.” She gracefully stood up and kicked off her heels with purpose. Turning to look down to him, she added; “I'm going to make this a very special night for you.” She reached behind her back and unhooked her dress, then lowered her dress down around her shoulders. Carefully pulling each arm out of the sleeves; she lowered the fabric down to reveal her luscious melons. They looked even bigger naked: plump, round, and rocking pendulously. Jude reached up for them, but his arms were too short, and she was too tall. Lyndsey bent down, grabbed Jude's hands, and placed them on her breasts; he squeezed & massaged them. They were so soft and warm. “Do you love them?” she asked. “Oh, oh God, yes.” He stammered, struggling to contain her copious flesh in his delicate hands; precum started to ooze from the tip of his dick, still tucked in his pants. “They're all yours, tonight.” Here was this towering example of feminine perfection offering herself to him, it almost didn't seem real. She let him fondle her for another minute before turning around and sliding off the lower half of her dress to reveal her pale, voluptuous ass. It was like twin moons in front of Jude's face, and he felt like he was going to turn into a werewolf. She ripped off her thong, then slapped her right cheek. “I love my ass.” She said, then bent over to twerk. Jude's face grew hot, his dick felt like it was close to bursting out of his pants as he watched Lyndsey's pale ‘badonkadonk' ass quivering in front of him. She turned around again to face her seated date, then pulled Jude up by his collar to stand facing her tits, and said, “You ready?” He nodded resolutely. After throwing off his jacket, he tried to unbutton his shirt, but his fingers kept slipping. Lyndsey softly touched his hand. “It's alright, I got this.” She carefully undid each button, then slid his shirt off, smiling and giving him warm eye contact the whole time. Jude wasn't just about to lose his virginity; he was going to give his body to a beautiful angel who actually cared about him. But it was when she unbuckled his belt that he suddenly became nervous. “Uh, Wait, Jack said, nervously. “I need to tell you -” “It's alright,” she unzipped his pants, and they fell to the floor. “I don't really care about”. She slid down his underwear and gasped - “Size. Oh my gawd!” she screamed in giddy delight. She reverently caressed his organ. “It's like a zucchini. A prized produce at the county fair!” Jude winced. He felt like he could cum any second, so she let go and just knelt there, admiring his full package. She touched his balls. "These feel swollen. When was the last time you jerked off?” “Never.” He winced again. “When I was fourteen, my mom walked in on me. She went on for days, telling me how filthy I was. Shaming me into a state of severe self-loathing that I'm finally just getting past. I've been afraid to touch myself ever since.” “Oh, you poor thing, you don't understand pleasure.” She took his shaft in both hands and gave it a light squeeze. “Don't worry, I'm gonna properly milk this king cobra for you.” Lyndsey eased Jude back sitting the couch. Then positioned herself straddling, facing him, and slid her sopping wet pussy down onto Jude's enormous pole. Both of them shuddered. Her warm, moist sex around his manhood was the greatest sensation he had ever felt. He had to summon all his willpower to stop himself from cumming then and there. “That feels so good,” Jude whispered. “It's about to feel even better.” She started to slowly descend, fully taking his length inside her, then she began to grind side to side, rubbing her clit across his pubic bone. He wrapped his arms around her waist. The feeling of finally having a woman's skin against his body was good enough to make a tear roll down his cheek. Lyndsey engulfed Jude's face in her deep cleavage as she started to buck, undulating her hips back and forth with practiced rhythm. Jude slid his hands around to her ass cheeks, squeezing them like a man holding on for the ride of his life. “Smack my ass, baby,” Lyndsey moaned. Jude gave her cheeks a gingerly tap. “Uh, I said smack it,” she ordered. “I can take it.” An animal was revealing itself as the Amazonian woman sought her sexual release. He raised his hands as high as he could and delivered two thunderous cracks to his lover's luscious ass-cheeks. “Yeah, That's more like it, baby.” She assured him. Their bodies were steaming-hot against each other. Pussy-juice dripped down Jude's cock. Red patches bloomed on Lyndsey's body as her panting grew more intense & her body overheated. Jude had been trying to hold his orgasm, to savor the feeling of being rigidly and fully connected to Lyndsey's warm, wet depths. But now he was almost at his limit, with his head still buried between her massive tits. Jude's first time was perfectly situated. Lyndsey was in charge and she knew he could go off at any time. She was controlling all the action. He just sat there and  enjoyed the ride'. He had years of inactivity (unless you count the nocturnal emissions). But fortunately Jude was lasting long enough to give Lyndsey a fuck to remember, on a pole she didn't think she'd ever get to enjoy. “Emginnasplid,” he groaned into her titty meat. Lyndsey reared back. “What'd you say, baby?” she panted. “I said I'm gonna explode!” “Explode! Yes. Explode inside me, baby. Gimme all that creamy gooey cum!” She arched her back and began a more rapid series of ‘elevator rides' on his cock. Jude caught his breath and then began sucking one of her engorged nipples, while his hands wrapped her slender waistline. After a few more quick pumps, Lyndsey suddenly froze in place. Her body went rigid, her eyes rolled back in her head. Jude held her upper torso, thinking she was going unconscious. Then her pussy clamped around Jude's cock like a trap, triggering his payload of spunt to make their exit. Jude let all resistance go. His own muscles tensed, and his balls contracted as thick cum rocketed into Lyndsey's womb. She smiled blissfully as her depths took a direct hit of his blast. There was one volley, then another, then another; his pulsing dick had a mind of its own. His arousal ascending to unknown heights of ecstasy, sending wave after wave of pleasure into Jude's brain, then tingling all over his entire body. “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ooohh! Oooohhhh!” Lyndsey moaned. Back arched and body quivering, she gripped over the backrest of the couch as though her raw ecstasy would launch her into the ceiling. They both shuddered with one final wave of orgasm before Lyndsey collapsed onto Jude's shoulder. He felt so small with her goddess body on top of him - it felt good somehow, safe. They held each other, panting, their bodies slick with sweat. Once his cock softened & contracted, she rolled off of him. They sat there, catching their breath. This woman is a complete contradiction to everything Jude's mother had brainwashed him into believing. Sex is not ‘filthy'. God made sex. God made sex especially wonderful for humanity to experience! The lies, the shame, the self-loathing; Jude was now free of all of it. And Lyndsey was the best ambassador of this new freedom. She was free from shame and she rescued Jude from shame, as well. “That was amazing.” Lyndsey caressed his cheek. “You're perfect. You're a lovemaking master!! Then Jude started crying. Not only was he finally free, he was able to make a goddess like Lyndsey happy, satisfied, and yet wanting more. "What's wrong?” Lyndsey softly inquired, with her head on his shoulder. “It's …” he tried to say through his tears. “It's just … I thought I might never get to do that with anyone, especially someone as beautiful; as perfect as you.” “Oh, baby.” She rolled off him as she reclined; pulling him over, into her arms. “I'm here now. Don't worry. You'll never be alone again.”  Her words penetrated his soul. This bond of their spirits was indescribable. A holy moment of two hearts becoming one with each other; spirit, soul, and body. Years of Jude's torment were now over. It was far better than all his Christmas mornings, all put together. The greatest gift he could ever dream of, was fully committed to him, and fully satisfied by him. She gently stroked his head until he fell asleep. Jude opened his eyes up to a sunlit living room. He was still on the couch, but it was now evidently the next morning. At first, he thought the previous night had to have been a dream. Jude's world had changed, and he still couldn't fathom the depths of that change. Then he realized he was still buck naked and an angelic female voice was softly singing in the next room. He also heard something sizzling in the next room, & smelled the delicious aroma of bacon. Ignoring any shame, Jude nakedly followed his nose into the kitchen where Lyndsey was standing at the stove. “Morning, sleepy head,” she said with a blissful smile. She was wearing nothing but Jude's dress shirt from the night before, it not only left the bottom of her ass cheeks hanging out, but the top three buttons remained unbuttoned in full surrender to her massive boobs extending out. He sat down at the dining table with plates of fluffy eggs and in a moment she arrived with a pile of crispy bacon. They didn't talk much while eating, they just smiled at each other between bites. “You're a good cook,” Jude said after he finished. “My mom always told me” Lyndsey said, blushing; “The best way to make a man happy is to keep his balls empty, and his stomach full.” “Well, mission accomplished.” Jude declared. She giggled. “Oh Gawd! Last night was amazing.” “You did most of the work, my dear cowgirl.” "Hey, don't be modest. You've got the kind of dick I've been dreaming about,” she said as she wiped her mouth with a napkin and slid her plate aside. He looked down at his member. "I've always known it was, well, above average, but I haven't done anything with it.” She reached across & rubbed his hand. “That's what I'm here for.” Lyndsey declared. “Hey, What's something you've always wanted to do, uh sexually?” “Uh, Everything,” Jude admitted. “Okay? Well, what's the first sex thing that pops into your head?” He looked at Lyndsey's revealed massive tits threatening to pop the straining fourth button off Jude's dress shirt. “Titty fucking?” Jude supplicated. Lyndsey smiled assuringly. She stood & cleared the table completely taking the things into the kitchen, then she came out a second later, and started slowly unbuttoning her man's shirt in a burlesque show presentation. Jude's cock was rock hard by the time she flung it off. She twirled and planted her ass on the end of the table, keeping a sultry expression, she maintained her intense gaze into Jude's eyes; then lowed herself on her back in the middle of the sturdy oak table. “Go ahead.” Was all she said with a slow wink. Jude quickly climbed onto the table, straddling over Lyndsey's torso with his thighs, then lowered his cock into the deep valley of her cleavage. she squeezed her breasts around him, the head of his cock poking through the top of her cleavage, to greet her. The tip of his glans seemed to be staring back to her, wanting her, calling her. “No one's ever been able to stick their dick all the way through,” said Lyndsey with glee. “Your heavenly cock is staring at me, Jude.” The luscious tit cleavage wasn't as stimulating to his cock as her wet, taut pussy, but it still felt good. She loved the experience of getting to hug his ‘pleasure rod' deep in her cleavage. He rolled his hips while kneading her warm, soft titty meat around his member. He had to go slow, but that just meant he could savor the experience more. Their eyes locked, they smiled at each other. Jude's pleasure kept building. When he felt himself reaching climax, he stopped undulating his hips, and started rapid stroking by sliding Lyndsey's tits along his entire shaft. Lyndsey raised her head and opened her mouth. His glans was swollen and purple. His tip's opening was dialated. Then he stopped, & shot a load into her face. Most of it landed inside her mouth. She swallowed the first two volleys, but got hit in the nose when the third volley launched before she was ready. While Jude panted, Lyndsey wiped some residual cum from her nose, then into her mouth with her pinky; and smacked, saying, “That tastes so good.” His knees began to hurt from kneeling on the hard oak table for so long, so Jude hopped off & Lyndsey followed. They faced each other. Even in her bare feet, Jude's face only came up to Lyndsey's shoulders, so he had to look up to meet her eyes. He placed his hands on her waist, then ran his hands over her hips to grab her voluptuous ass. Lyndsey placed a tit over each of his shoulders. He couldn't believe that just the evening before, he had been thinking about walking out on her. This woman had a face like Kaley Cuoco, a body like Kate Upton, an ass like Beyonce, and she was all his. How much luckier could a guy be? “Do you want to take a shower?” she asked. Getting covered in the hot water & rubbing suds all over each other's body, was almost as enjoyable as actual sex. Jude curiously explored every inch of Lyndsey's Amazonian figure with his hands, polishing her like a devotee polishing the idol of a goddess. She also loved the opportunity to explore her well-hung stud. First she shampooed his hair, slowly, sweetly. She then ran her hands down his torso to start washing this cock of a Greek god.  If Jude hadn't spent himself twice, and his body wasn't essentially dormant in the semen-producing process; He'd probably have been ready for ‘round three'. After toweling each other off, Jude went to find his scattered clothes. He picked them up and pulled his phone out of the pants pocket to check if he had any message. There was a text from Jason: “Hey dude, sorry about last night. No hard feelings? Come by and we'll talk about how I can make it up to you.” “Oh really..” Jude said quietly to himself. Lyndsey came out wearing just a bath blanket around her chest. “What is it?” “It's Jason, he sent me a text, inviting me over to apologize.” Jude smirked. “Do you want to come with me?” “Help me pick out something to wear.” Lyndsey said as she turned back to her bedroom. Jude dressed Lyndsey in a baby-blue sweetheart crop-top that showed off her hefty cleavage and a pair of tight designer jeans to flatter the curves of her sultry ass. Jude thought she looked ‘eat me' good, but not nearly as good as the look on Jason's face when he opened his front door and saw them together. “I brought Lyndsey,” said Jude, giving her right butt cheek a squeeze, “is that all right?” “Um, yeah.” Jason stared at them awkwardly. “Aren't you gonna invite us in?” asked Lyndsey, in a sexy voice. “What? Oh, yeah. Come and sit down.” Jason took the armchair, Lyndsey and Jude snuggled together on the opposing sofa. “It was really nice of you to invite us over to see how our date went,” Jude said with a mock smile. Jason continued to stare at the two of them, but mostly at Lyndsey's tit cleavage. “Uh.” “Thanks for introducing me to such a sweet guy,” said Lyndsey, running her fingers through Jude's hair. “We had a lot, of fun last night.” They started making out; moaning, shamelessly sticking their tongues in each other's mouths. It was otherwise silent, as Jason watched them for over a full minute before saying; “Alright, alright, you can stop.” Jude pulled his face away from Lyndsey's. “What do you mean, Jason?” “Yeah,” said Lyndsey, “can't a girl show her new man some loving?” “I know you're just fucking with me.” “Now, what makes you say that?” asked Lyndsey. “Come on,” Justin pleaded. “There's no way a girl like you is so crazy about a guy like him.” Jude stood up & squinted. “Some friend you are.” “Sorry, but I'm just being honest.” Then Justin looked at Lyndsey; “Lyndsey, what could he possibly have that makes you fall in love after one date?” Lyndsey scooted to the edge of the sofa behind Jude & reached around his waist. She unbuckled Jude's belt, unzipped his fly, and pulled out his anaconda. Jason's eyes went wide. “How's that for a reason?” said Lyndsey, peeking around, Jude's waist on his left side. Then she aimed his shaft over toward her face, and licked around his cock head in swirls. Jude lovingly rested his hand on Lyndsey's devoted head, and he gave Jason a satisfied smile. Lyndsey's tits were hardly contained at all, as she remained bent over. She knew Jason was tortured & devastated. Having sufficiently tormented their host, the couple thanked him again for his matchmaking kindness, and went back to her place for a swim, and more adventures. By Bernard Marx for Literotica

OOOOHHHH were so excited to talk to a brand new nurse who comes off orientation tomorrow!!!

Welcome back to another edition of The Wave - the weekly news and chat show from the world famous Bottom of the Stream podcast. As usual, we get you up to speed with all the latest in the world of streaming and movies including updates on Sweet Tooth and Monster  from Netflix and a couple of surprising sequels in the works! On Reel Talk this week we ask - which movie character would you want to be your best friend?!   Please consider supporting the show on Patreon, If you do we will give you lots of bonus content including early access to the episodes. Check it out over at www.patreon.com/bottomofthestream   We also have a discord so join us to hang out https://discord.gg/wJ3Bfqt

How do you date? Do you consider looks? Social status? Money? A certain job? On this episode of Saved Girl Secrets we're discussing dating choices and how it can derive from our insecurities. Tune in now to join the conversation!

Welllllll we were right. Grant Wahl wasn't murdered by anti gay radicals in Qatar...Oooohhhh no. He died of a heart issue. While the story sucks, the coverage and delivery of fake news was also sad. Will there be apologies for the spread of misinformation? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts.  disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg  (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington -  Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson   No gunshots herald his approach.  No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. ************************************************************* Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND     HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM    Largest town I been near in a good passel of time.  I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW    Will it be safe? LEM    Safe? FANSHAW    I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns.  For ... notoriety's sake. LEM    Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party?  'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory.  FANSHAW    Is it worth the risk? LEM    [shrug noise]  Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW    There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM    [laughs]  Ayup.  I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more.  Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW    [rolling eyes]  Yes, yes. LEM    Sides, I'm outta coffee.  And low on shells.  FANSHAW    [teasing] Heavens.  How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB    IN TOWN SOUND    WALKING ON WOOD LEM    Lotta trade hereabouts.  Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW    Lem!  Soldiers. LEM    [voice low]  Right.  We'll go on over yonder.  [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance.  FANSHAW    I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind.  LEM    Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND    SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW    I say.  Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM    [shrug] Three weeks.  Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW    I'll-- LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW    [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary?  I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM    Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW    [stiff, covering]  Old acquaintance.  Go on ahead! LEM    Right. 3_SALOON SOUND    HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB    SALOON LEM    One here. SOUND    DRINK POURED BARTENDER    There you go. SOUND    COINS SOUND    LEM DRINKS GRISHAM    [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM    [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND    GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER    Something wrong, fella? LEM    [coughing, trying to clear his throat]  Toothache.  Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM    You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER    [sympathetic] Tarnation.  You need it yonked?  Barber can‑‑ LEM    [finally getting clear] No, no.  I kin handle it.  SOUND    COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM    Another.  And sorry about the-- BARTENDER    [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND    MORE COINS LEM    Give me the bottle. GRISHAM    Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER    You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM    Ayup. 4_LISETTE AMB    OUTSIDE LISETTE    [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you!  Mustache and all.  Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW    [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE    Oh, how formal.  Just like at school.  What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW    "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE    And we used to be such chums.  However did you end up here? FANSHAW    I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE    [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that!  You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW    Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE    [not amused any more]  At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW    Jolly good.  Happy you're dead.  Must get along. LISETTE    Don't run off so quickly, Clary!  FANSHAW    [long breath of self-control]  LISETTE    There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages.  FANSHAW    How unfortunate.  Must rush. LISETTE    I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW    [quiet] Bloody hell.  [up]  I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE    I'm sure.  But he replied.  Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW    I-- LISETTE    Oh, just watch your face!  You're trying desperately to come up with a lie!  You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW    Stop calling me that. LISETTE    Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap.  I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend.  FANSHAW    [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB    SALOON SOUND    LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM    I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND    CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM    [low] Sit. GRISHAM    What makes you think I'd sit with you?  You done went and killed me! LEM    That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you.  You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM    I ... drifted. LEM    That's just what's got me hornswoggled.  Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM    Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM    [sigh] SOUND    DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND    PIGS LEM    Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW    That woman - ghost woman. LEM    An old flame? FANSHAW    Nonsense!  We knew each other as ... children.  She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here.  LEM    Spect not.  Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW    [disgusted] Yes... LEM    So?  You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW    Lisette Carmichael.  She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things.  About other people.  She likes to -- LEM    Hold a grudge?  Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW    Aptly put.  Yes.  LEM    You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you?  Leastways not no more. FANSHAW    You might be surprised. LEM    Who's she a-gonna tell?  [realizes] Oh.  FANSHAW    And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my  part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you.  Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM    [after a moment]  Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW    What? LEM    Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW    No.  It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM    [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW    What? LEM    Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW    You would leave?  Over this? LEM    I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return.  SOUND    WALKING IN MUD LEM    Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB    BARN SOUND    TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM    You distract her, I'll get the gear.  Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW    Righty-ho.  SOUND    LEAVES GRISHAM    Running away, eh?  Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM    [sigh]  You're lucky ain't no one about but us.  Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM    You kilt me! LEM    We had it out, fair and square.  I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up]  I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me.  Not on purpose. SOUND    LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM    Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM    I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards.  Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM    Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM    I din't do THAT to you neither.  You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM    [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND    LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM    By shooting the Kid?  You ain't the first. GRISHAM    But you still kilt me. LEM    And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more.  Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me.  Hee-yaw! SOUND    RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW     Lisette? LISETTE    There you are!  Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW    So sorry.  Didn't have much choice.  My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE    Did you make a clean breast of it?  Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say?  FANSHAW    You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did.  LISETTE    So bothered over trifles!  How much people change! FANSHAW    Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you!  Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE    Carmela?  Served her right.  FANSHAW    She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE    She also let herself be compromised!  I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW    Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right?  A champion of truth? LISETTE    Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW    History is replete with-- LISETTE    Oh, spare me.  Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW    Very well.  I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed.  Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE    Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW    [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings.  LISETTE    [outraged] I--?  You--! FANSHAW    Kindly allow me to finish.  There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved.  Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE    No doubt.  I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW    [strange gasp, ending on a laugh]  No, but I think I shall. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING         Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB    OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND    HORSES WALKING LEM    I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW    How odd.  Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM    Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW    And we know the how and why of that.  Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM    How?  And who with?  Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW    Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM    Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW    [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed.  Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself.  LEM    Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW    [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune.  When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM    Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW    [chagrined] Oh.  MUSIC     FOR FLASHBACK NOTE    Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB    SALOON LEM    Gimme two. SOUND    CARDS LEM    [pleased noise]  I'll see you and raise-- SOUND    CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM    [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM    [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER    [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM    Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM    Your call. PLAYER1    [shaky] Um...  I fold. LEM    [chuckles] PATRON1    How can he--? Patron2    Shh! SOUND    HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM    [heavy menace]  You the deadeye kid? LEM    [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards.  Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM    Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND    CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM    [long dramatic sigh]  Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1    [muttered] Uh, yeah.  I'm done.  Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM    Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM    If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER    Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM    You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND    MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM    Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles.  Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND    G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM    Now! LEM    [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER    Uh... certainly. GRISHAM    I'll do it!  I will! SOUND    CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM    Rightchere in front of all these good folks?  And leave the dealer to clean up the mess?  [tsks]  Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC    BACK TO NOW SOUND    HORSES WALKING FANSHAW    Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM    Whazzat? FANSHAW    Shooting someone in the back. LEM    And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over.  Ain't no pride in the easy way.  FANSHAW    Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM    It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM    Are you stepping? LEM    What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes?  Milk?  [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM    [furious noise]  I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM    [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you.  SOUND    DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM    Barkeep?  Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND    WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM    You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM    [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW    Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM    What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW    uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM    Rattlin.  Yup.  There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown.  Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW    Why not?  He called you out. LEM    He was halfway round on rotgut.  Not a nugget's chance agin me.  Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW    But you stepped out with him?  Even knowing he had no chance? LEM    A'course.  He wouldn't take no.  Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone.  I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW    [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM    Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you.  And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so.  You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.  That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND    OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM    You ready? LEM    Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow?  I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM    [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM    [duh] Yep.  [beat] That's your sole entire reason?  You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM    No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND    THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND    GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM    And o'course it gots to be a callout.  [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford.  [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM    Come on!  Kick it up, Deadeye!  Less'n yer yellow! SOUND    LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM    [maddenginly cool] Oh.  I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND    TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND    G - BODY DROP SOUND    LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER.  A MOMENT.  FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC    BACK TO NOW FANSHAW     [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM    Have to ice over that pond.  Hard and cold.  Hard and cold. FANSHAW    I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving.  I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM    [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW    But men can behave in a civilized manner!  Look at we Brits. LEM    [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW    Do you enjoy it? LEM    [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW    Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM    Hmmm.  [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM    S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time.  FANSHAW    The thrill of danger? LEM    That, but even more so.  If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs.  This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it.  Kill or be killed.  [beat, then not quite truthful]  Enjoy?  No.  FANSHAW    Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM    I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC    FLASH BACK AMB    INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND    GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN    [gasps] SOUND    [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND    PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM    [voiceover]  there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best.  Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND    BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER    Your shot, Mister. LEM    [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND    Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC    BACK TO NOW LEM    [brisk] It's coming down dusk.  Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW    I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM    Whazzat? FANSHAW    Look - the horizon! LEM    Signal fires, and a lot of em.  Damn. FANSHAW    They're a little far off to get a better look at.  We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM    Someone's gotta warn the town.  Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW    [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM    Not so much that I saw.  They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there.  FANSHAW    [heavy sigh]  Right, then.  SOUND    DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM    You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW    She's neither a lady nor a friend.  But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me.  [change of tone]  We are a couple of hours out. LEM    Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin.  We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND    MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW    [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND    READYING FOR BATTLE LEM    If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER    You've done enough already, stranger.  Ain't even your fight. LEM    I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there.  Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER    I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM    That's fine.  Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND    [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE    And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone.  FANSHAW    [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE    No.  I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to.  [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town.  I'm still not sure how you did that.  Or why you came back. FANSHAW    We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE    Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious.  Fanshaw, dear old chum.  Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW    Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE    [surprised laugh]  Hah!  All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air!  And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW    I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out.  Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it.  We have a job to do. LISETTE    Wait! FANSHAW    [long sigh]  Yes? LISETTE    Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW    I doubt I shall need any.  But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET    Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW    I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET     What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO     By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND    POUNDING LISETTE    Oh heavens!  Not again! MAN    [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND    POUNDING STOPS LISETTE    Try that scene again from the top.  Romeo? FANSHAW    [sigh] Yes? LISETTE    Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET    Oh, I like "him".  So terribly byronic. FANSHAW    I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND    PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY    Sir? LEM    Yeah? SCOTTY    Private Scott.  Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM    [sigh] Right.  You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY    O'course. LEM    Against a person? SCOTTY    Well, against animals. LEM    Right. GRISHAM    Not everyone can be you. LEM    [sighs] SCOTTY    Don't you worry!  I ain't afraid! GRISHAM    This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet.  You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM    You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY    Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM    Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM    Scotty.  Right.  You gotta horse? SCOTTY    Over there. GRISHAM    [rueful] My damn horse.  Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets.  LEM    Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY    Right, sir! GRISHAM    Ain't he a little young?  You should oughtta throw him back. LEM    I'm stuck with him.  And I never kept notches. GRISHAM    That ain't what I heered. LEM    Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM    And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM    [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM    So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM    If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY    Tell me about what?  Injuns?  [certain] I know all about them. LEM    [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB    CRICKETS SOUND    HORSES FANSHAW    They're still out of range.  I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM    Hmm? FANSHAW    I can make out English and Spanish.  Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM    [quiet] Ain't impossible.  Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY    What ain't impossible? LEM    We're gettin close.  Best to go on foot.  SCOTTY    These here horses are my responsibility! LEM    Best you stay and watch'em, then.  FANSHAW    Don't forget the satchel. SOUND    CREAK LEM    Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY    I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin!  I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW    [laughs]  I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND    REMOVING SPURS LEM    Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things.  If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there.  You reckon? SCOTTY    How'll you find us? LEM    I'll find you.  Just be ready.  And don't shoot me. SOUND    QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK    echoey hallway LISETTE    [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW    Carmichael. LISETTE    [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume.  Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW     [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers.  Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE    Perhaps plain trousers, then.  [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW    [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement.  [dismissive] But a costume is a costume.  I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE    [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND    SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM    [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW    I'll have a look round.  SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM    [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM    Ooh!  Scairt you, din't I? LEM    [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM    [smug and evil] Well that's good, then.  Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM    What all do you want? GRISHAM    Apart from you in a pine box?  I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM    Not likely, nope.  How'd you follow us? GRISHAM    What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM    [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND    FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW    Who the devil is this? GRISHAM    Who the devil are you? LEM    What'd ya find out? FANSHAW    A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle.  GRISHAM    What kinda girlie man are ya?  Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW    [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM    Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW    We need to get moving. GRISHAM    I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND    KNIFE FANSHAW    [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND    PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM    [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM    Oooohhhh. FANSHAW    Marquis of Queensbury be damned.  We need to go. GRISHAM    [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND    SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM    What'd you do to him? FANSHAW    I didn't!  I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea?  8_JULIET3 SOUND    TAP ON DOOR LISETTE    Fanshaw? FANSHAW    Come in. LISETTE    I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW    I was considering what I might do with my hair.  To create the right ilusion. LISETTE    That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW    I prefer not.  It looks like an ottoman on my head.  LISETTE    And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW    Whyever not? LISETTE     On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW    [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE    That is the final straw!  Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW    What? LISETTE    That you would take too many liberties.  You are out. FANSHAW    Out? LISETTE    [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND    QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM    [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW    [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM    Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW    I don't see anyone.  Anyone... hostile. SOUND    QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY    [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM    What is--  [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY    They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW    I don't doubt it. SCOTTY    And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW    I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY    And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM    [heavy sigh]  Ayup. CLOSING       Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND    UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM    Good thing I had that with me.   Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND    SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW    Of course. SCOTTY    I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM    I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son.  And you been punished enough. SCOTTY    What do you mean?  They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW    I'll deal with him. LEM    I'll leave you to it.  SCOTTY    What are you doing? LEM    Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns.  You gon' be all right? SOUND    RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW    Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place.  Especially in the dark. SCOTTY    Can't do anything?  What are you talking about?  FANSHAW    Hush, Scotty.  Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND    BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND    MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND    GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM    Where the hell?   [Thunder?]!  Goddam rustlers!  SOUND    MEN WALK BY LEADER    Two horses, two saddles.  I don't like it. SECOND    Guerrero had the kid down before we realized.  But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough.   LEADER    [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND    We're nearly ready.  3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY    [trying not to cry] So that's IT?  I mean this is it?  No nothing left?  No heaven? FANSHAW    There are so many things even I don't understand.  I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY    But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW    Most do.  And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY    And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW    [uncomfortable] Oh, dear.  That is a shame. SCOTTY    What's it like? FANSHAW    [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY     Being with a woman? FANSHAW    Ohhh.... 4_RUNNING LEM    [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND    RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM    [muttered] Dammit.  Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC    FLASHBACK SOUND    NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND    ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS    [yelling, off]  Leastways, there's a good moon!  PIEDMONT    [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS    [off, yelling]  Spread out!  Don't let that traitor get away!  Where's that rope? PIEDMONT    [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND    VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM    [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT    [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW    My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY    Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you?  You been all over the place! FANSHAW    Oh dear.  [up]  I've spent most of my life deep in study.  I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all.  SCOTTY    Me too.  Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW    [after a moment]  Women are.... soft. SCOTTY    [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW    And round.  In places where men aren't. SCOTTY    But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW    [flabbergasted]  What? SCOTTY    You never don't see none of them out of skirts!  Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW    Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men.  Arms, legs, heads - well, one head.  You understand. SCOTTY     [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW    Yes.  Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND    RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT    Shh!  Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM    You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT    There is no call to use such language, boy.  Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM    I should hope I do!  My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT    [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM    [pride] Yup. SOUND    OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS    [outside]  Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM    [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT    But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM    I don't fancy getting whupped.  I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night.  8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW    I was in love.  When I was very young. SCOTTY    Was she really purtty? FANSHAW    [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face.  Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY    You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW    Our parents objected.  They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY    What didja do? FANSHAW    I waited.  I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY    You waited on a rock? FANSHAW    I waited at school.  I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY    What happened? FANSHAW    I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY    Yes? FANSHAW    That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY    She'd gone and -- FANSHAW    My "dearest love" had married another.  Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY    Damn!  Women are right terrible. FANSHAW    Don't fault women, boy.  There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men.  We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND    UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM    They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT    Yes. YOUNG LEM    Why?  What for? PIEDMONT    We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM    You mean the war?  Hmph.  My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT    [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM    [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS    There he is! MAN    Get him! PIEDMONT    [scream] SOUND    SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM    [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT    I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY    You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW    Yes.  We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY    How'd it work? FANSHAW    Work? SCOTTY    I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW    I don't know that I have an answer for you.  I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY    Years?  You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW    We... help people.  And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety.  11_SHOT SOUND    LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT    [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir!  My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take.   YOUNG LEM    [gasp]  Pa? SOUND    GUNSHOT SOUND    TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS    [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW    Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on.  SCOTTY    Business?  I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW    No, no.  For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY    Oh.  I spose that could happen. FANSHAW    Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY    [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW    [cheering]  Or, when the town has been warned.  That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY    [wailing] Oh no!  FANSHAW    Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY    What if it's ladies? FANSHAW    [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY    What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW    [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward.  Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM    [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS    You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM    [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS    Good.  Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND    A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM    [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS    Yup. YOUNG LEM    In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS    Yup.  [beat]  You asking something? YOUNG LEM    What if he'd'a kilt me?  Or what if you did? ROBERTS    [long pause]  Life's hard, boy.  You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM    Oh. SOUND    BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS    Lem?  YOUNG LEM    [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS    [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM    [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY    It ain't fair!  I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW    Life is not fair.  Death even less so.  SCOTTY    I-- FANSHAW    [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer.  SCOTTY    Answer? FANSHAW    Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY    What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW    Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY    Oh.  And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW    What about me? SCOTTY    Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW    Oh.  But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY    No?  Why? FANSHAW    I still have many things to see.  And I feel like I'm doing good here.  There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY    That's crazy talk. FANSHAW    That's why it's a story.  In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY    All right.  Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW    A talking bug, but yes, a bug.  SCOTTY    That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW    True.  [gasp]  Look at the horizon!  I think they are on the move! SCOTTY    Is there something we can do? FANSHAW    This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND    IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER    [commands]  We need more shot at the western boundary!  Get someone over there! SOLDIER    Yessir! SOUND    FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND    DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2    Sir!  Someone's coming!  On foot! COMMANDER    On foot?  SENTRY    [off] Halt! LEM    [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop...  I'm gon fall down...  And I gotta get to...  The commander. SENTRY    Stop, I say! COMMANDER    Let him on through. LEM    They're a-movin.  Deserters 'n comancheros.  Have guns.  COMMANDER    Why are you-- LEM    Kilt Scotty.  Took the horses.  Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND    FALLS DOWN COMMANDER    Are you all right?  [up] Someone get Doc! LEM    I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY    We got to do something! FANSHAW    And just what do you have in mind?  I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem.  By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY    Can't we spook the horses or nothing?  That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW    I was with you the entire trip out from town.  Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY    [really down] No. FANSHAW    If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him.  Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC    Can you get yourself around this? LEM    [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC    [shrug] Mostly brandy.  Medicinal. LEM    [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE     Oh, goodness.  I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend.  LEM    [coughs] DOC    Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM    [hawks, spits, clear throat]  Hits the spot.  LISETTE    [calculating] And not able to walk away.  [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC     The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them.  You up fer it? LEM    Will be... shortly.  Any chance of a mite to eat?  It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY    He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW    We've come across... others.  But they are very rare. SCOTTY    [yelling] I want to DO something!  I want to help! FANSHAW    There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus!  I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY    But I-- GRISHAM    [off]  Will you two shut up?  They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW    Oh dear.  Come along. SCOTTY    Where? FANSHAW    To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND    MEN READY TO GO SOUND    MOUNT UP LEM    [sigh of relief, but also soreness]  COMMANDER    You doing all right, there, feller? LEM    Better saddle than boots.  I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER     Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set.  Least we can do.  Let's go. SOUND    HORSES MOVE OUT LEM    Commander? COMMANDER    Hmm? LEM    Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER    This town is not a good place for that.  Too spread out.  And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM    Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out.  Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER    I like the way you think, hombre.  [up] Company!  [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM    Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND    PUNCH FANSHAW    [casual] shut up. SCOTTY    That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW    Leave him!  [quiet, moving away]  We can't actually be hurt.  But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to.  I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM    [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW    Blast!  He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY    Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW    How? SCOTTY     Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM    Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY    [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM    oof! SCOTTY    Better'n pie!  You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW    Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM    [muttered] Fanshaw?  Damn.  Too far out.  COMMANDER    What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM    Nothing much to speak of.  Some hills.  A ridge off to the north where first we saw them.  No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER    Good.  Cain't let this sort of thing go.  LEM    Course not.  COMMANDER    You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM    Ayup.  Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER    You're sure he's ... dead? LEM    I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER    [sad] That's too bad. LEM    Kin? COMMANDER    Nephew.  LEM    [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER    That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM    [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND    MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW    Looks like about three score.  Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night.  Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC    FLASHBACK AMB    BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY    Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA    Stop calling me that, nanny!  I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY    You'll always be my little bunny bug.  Oh!  Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head?  [gasp of fear]  Did you hurt yourself?  Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA    No!  I am a pirate. NANNY    Do not be so silly.  There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA    Of course there are.  They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY    Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA    Well not just NOW.  When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER    Did you see how big a force they had? LEM    Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought.  At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER    [skeptical] Really? LEM    They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER    [considers, then agrees] No, you don't.  LEM    'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER    [chuckles]  Sound thinking.  [up]  Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND    STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND    SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY    [pleased] You tired yet, feller?  I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM    [tired] You little whippersnapper!  Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW    [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead.  More than he will ever know.  [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1    Hey!  I found something! SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW    [worried] Damn!  Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2    What? SECOND    Silence! RUFFIAN2    [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1    Split it?  Nonsense!  It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND    [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER    [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway.  Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB    Yessir! LEM    If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite.  COMMANDER    You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM    [shrug] Someone's gotta.  'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER    Valuables? LEM    Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER    [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM    [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY    Mister Fanshaw!  That fellow just vanished!  Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW    I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY    Why? FANSHAW    I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag.  Now that it has been found... SCOTTY    Why?  Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW    No.  There's something in there - Oh!  It's moving.  Stay with me as long as you can.  SCOTTY    Why can't I--? FANSHAW    Shh!  [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there.  And you are on the other end. SCOTTY    Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW    Basically, yes.  You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY    [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW    Yes!  [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND    FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA    I am going to be a pirate!  I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY    Stealing is very wicked.  YOUNG CLARA    But you can't be a pirate without stealing!  Then you're just a sailor! NANNY    And young ladies do not become pirates.  Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA    Or nannies. NANNY    [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug.  You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA    I should rather be a nanny.  Mummies are boring.  Nannies have things to do. NANNY    [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA    I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate!  I want to see the world! NANNY    [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA    Then I want to be a boy! END     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND    NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER    Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM    I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER    [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM    If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER    [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM    I kin look after myself.  Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy.  I best get a move on. COMMANDER    One thing. LEM    Yeah? COMMANDER    One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM    [down] Oh. COMMANDER    And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM    I- COMMANDER    [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous.  Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM    [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER    [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM    I kin only do my best. SOUND    WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND    COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER    [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW    Blackguards. RUFFIAN2    [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1    [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2    [whisper]  Heavy is good!  Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1    Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW    Such stimulating conversation.  I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay.  3_TALLYHO SOUND    STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM    Nothin.  [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off.  And ridin. FANSHAW    [distant]  Tally-ho!  LEM    [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW    Halloooooo!  Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM    What the devil?  [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND    RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB    IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM     Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW    [muffled noises] SOUND    STRUGGLING GRISHAM    Oh, no you don't!  SOUND    MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM    I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me.  Long as I ignore it.  But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW    [noise of effort] GRISHAM    [ouch!] Hey!  You bit me!  FANSHAW    Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM    Waitaminute.  [disgusted noise] FANSHAW    [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM    Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid--  [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW    [noise of effort] SOUND    STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM    You're a-- ?  FANSHAW    You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    what the hell?  A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER    He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND    [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER    [commanding, but quiet]  They're coming! SOUND    [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER    [a bit superior]  I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw.  6_PLAN DOS LEADER    Shots? SECOND    Sir? LEADER    Damn.  Someone has seen.  Get El puerco and his fellows.  Tell them plan dos. SECOND    Plan dos, sir? LEADER    They'll circle south and get behind the town.  We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND    Yessir! SOUND    RUNS OFF SCOTTY     [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND    HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW    [distant but closer, yelling] Lem!  That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM    [muttered] Damn.  And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND    HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM    [very quietly] 30...?  Nearer fifty.  That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND    SHOTS!  (where the horses went to) LEM    [muttered to self] hold on.  SOUND    NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM    [muttered] almost... GRISHAM    There you are! LEM    [sharp intake of breath]  That don't work on me twice.  Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM    Oh, that girly friend of your'n?  Funny thing about that-- SOUND    GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM    Good riddance.  And jest in time. SOUND    BEGINS SHOOTING MaN    [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER    [roaring now] Hold the lines!  More shot, boy! BOY    Yessir! MAN    [hit, argh!] COMMANDER    Stay low! FANSHAW    All seems rather well here.  GRISHAM    There you are. FANSHAW    Bloody hell. GRISHAM    [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW    [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND    FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND    COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND    RELOADING SOUND    NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM    That's nine.  SOUND    SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY    [distant, yelling] Someone!  They're circling round!  There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM    Damn.  [listens for a second]  Fanshaw?  Damn.  SCOTTY    [yelling]  Please!  Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM    [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse.  [chuckles]  dead don't get hoarse.  But I gotta get one.  [clucks to horse] SOUND    HORSE BLOWS LEM    [grunts as he swings into the saddle]  Come on. FANSHAW    [a bit distant] Lem? LEM    Wazzat?  There you are! FANSHAW    Close as I can get just now, and can't stay.  That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM    Grisham?  Yeah. FANSHAW    The commander seems to be holding well.  The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM    Good.  Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW    What message? LEM    Just try and tell the boy.  So he can rest hisself.  [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND    HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW    Scotty?  Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER    Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL    Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER    This is no time to be peaceable.  They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND    HORSE APPROACHING LEM    [distant] Commander! COMMANDER    Let him through.  [up, to Lem]  Looks like we've got nearly all of them.  SOUND    GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER    A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND    HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM    [to horse] Whoah!  I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind.  COMMANDER    My god! LEM    Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER    You, boy! BOY    Yessir? COMMANDER    Bring my horse, quickly! LEM    You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER    You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts.  My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM    Sound thinkin.  I have been going a bit. COMMANDER    Corporal? CORPORAL    [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW    Lem?  I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance.  Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND    LEM DISMOUNTS LEM    Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints.  I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL    Excellent!  FANSHAW    I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM    Found you! FANSHAW    Oh, damn!  GRISHAM    You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW    [hits out] GRISHAM    [ungh!] FANSHAW    Have to get him out of here, Lem.  Too distracting. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    [laughs triumphantly]  Coward!  But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM    [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM    What? LEM    You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet.  You hear me? GRISHAM    [all the bluster gone]  Yeah. LEM    Good.  I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND    GUNSHOT LEM    [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND    QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM    Hah!  I still gotcha! LEM    [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up?  CORPORAL    [commanding] Men! SOUND    MORE GUNSHOTS LEM    [groan] SOUND    BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END   NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER    Hold on, there, fellow. LEM    [vague] all's well? COMMANDER    We got em. LEM    My pack? COMMANDER    I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR    Bite down on this.  He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER    I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them.  You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN    Just a little bit of broth, mister.  You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM    [annoyed moan] FANSHAW    You're awake. LEM    [quiet]  Anyone--? FANSHAW    Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM    Good.  I been shot? FANSHAW    At least twice, judging by the bandages.  Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say.  I should have been watching. LEM    [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin.   FANSHAW    [awkward pause, then stiffly]  Should I ...go? LEM    Go?  go where? FANSHAW    [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace.  To rest.  I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM    [straining a bit]  Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW    I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM    [satisfied]  Good. FANSHAW    I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM    Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW    Oh. LEM    Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW    [bracing breath]  Yes. LEM    [exasperated snort]  Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW    Yes. LEM    [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW    So she did--? LEM    [shrug]  Yup.  So? FANSHAW    [surprised] So? LEM    You cain't be the first. FANSHAW    First? LEM    Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW    But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM    Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW    I... don't? LEM    'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants.  FANSHAW    What? END

Doing something new here and making sure you heard about this opportunity to work with me privately this summer... OOOOHHHH! >>> Find out more HERE   :)

Oooohhhh the toxicity is back and this time we're talking about TOXIC WOMEN!!! This conversation is one that I'm sure is gonna get some folks heated and really do some self reflection, including myself!!! YIKES!!! Join in on this conversation by checking out this episode on our YouTube Channel by clicking the link: https://youtube.com/c/ThePhatGirlChronicles tonight at 8PM EST on Facebook, YouTube, and JQLM Radio. We want to hear all of your aha moments, hilarious moments you enjoyed, what you learned and what are some of the thoughts that were sparked by this conversation, or how did it change or open up your perspective about what your toxic traits are, so come connect with us.......... Instagram: @thephatgirlchronicles Facebook.com/thephatgirlchronicles Twitter: @pgcpodcast YouTube: https://youtube.com/c/ThePhatGirlChronicles You42: https://www.you42.com/channel/1647 JQLM Radio: https://www.egoentertainmentnet.com/ Did something in this episode resonate with you?!? Did our conversation get you to thinking about your toxic traits?!? If so, please share this episode with a friend and leave a 5-star review and comment wherever you listen to this podcast. We would love to know how our show made your day or taught you something new!!! https://www.facebook.com/thephatgirlchronicles/reviews --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/phatgirlchronicles/message

OOOOHHHH confessions are this week! Hear what Relatablers (still working on the name) like you sent in. Ali and Dee share their confessions too.Also hear a late show sneak peak of Blake who may or may not be on an upcoming episode.Continue to rate and subscribe and send in all your things! We pretty much accept everything at this point. Send them in to our Instagram (@relatable_pod) or to relatablethepod@gmail.com.

Oooohhhh! It ain't my fault! We can't stop now. We won't stop now. You can't stop us so don't try. We true soldiers. Back at it again with another episode of Game For All Seasons. This week, we  start things off with an old freestyle (05:54) where assistant coach Xen gives the fellas 3 choices and the wheel landed on the spicy story of a Las Vegas private jet company offering the opportunity for you to join the mile high club. From there, we get into sports. Where we determine "Who's Fault It Is?"Case#1- Former Browns QB, Baker Mayfield. He feels it's not his fault for his play last season. Nevertheless, The Browns are moving on from him and have finally granted his trade request as he has been shipped to the Carolina Panthers. We breakdown what that means for him and the Browns going forward(14:40).Case #2- Current QB, Deshaun Watson. He feels that negative attention he's been receiving isn't his fault as he recently went to state his case before the NFL disciplinary committee. Coach E dissects why his looming suspension will not be as bad as what his assistant coaches are making it out to be (29:30). Case #3- LeBron James. He  feels it isn't his fault. All he wants to do is win. So we wrap things up by talking about the cryptic tweet that the owner of the Los Angeles Lakers, Jeannie Buss, seemingly directed toward LeBron James (45:40).  As always, Coach E sends us out on our week with the post game word 'Live Your Life To The Fullest" (01:15:08).Remember to subscribe, rate & review wherever you get your podcasts from. If you like what you hear, please show your love by giving us ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts from. And for the latest on Coach E, follow him @BigEv216 on all social media platforms.If you're interested in any of the services provided by Perfect Time Fitness, please go to www.perfecttimefitness.com to learn more and sign up. 

La nanarologie, LE cours en ligne qui vous permet de voyager en toute sécurité dans le monde du cinéma bis et à terme de devenir de vrais spécialistes. Dans cet épisode, nous voulions revenir sur un élément bien français : notre égo. On a Braveheart ? C'est évident qu'on peut faire mieux ! Alors allons-y, claquons des millions dans un projet voué à l'échec où tout sent l'alcool à plein nez, tant le tournage était compliqué. Le résultat d'un tel chaos ? Une merveilleuse comédie nommée Vercingétorix. Pardon ? Ce n'est pas une comédie ? Oh... OOOOHHHH..... Vincent Moscato parle de son aventure sur le tournage : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrGzLNgCSkk Générique de fin du film : Le Rêve d'un homme par Sonia Lacen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppACU2WDgDA Année : 2001 Origine : France Réalisateur : Jacques Dorfmann Casting : Christophe Lambert, Vincent Moscato, What the fuck --------------------------- Introduction et conclusion : Thème du film Dangerous Men Notre twitter : https://twitter.com/Nanarologie

Dr Ronaye Calvert and Bindi Heit from LIVE Treatment Concierge Services are joined by special guest, Kingsley Mayo for Sexual Healing - How to turn ugh into oooohhhh! Our guest: Kingsley Mayo is a Relationship & Sex Therapist that works with individuals and couples who feel stuck and need more in life. He works within a framework of helping individuals and couples heal from relationship (attachment) wounds, and exploring any family of origin issues that have followed you. His counselling work is trauma informed with anti-oppression agenda and his passion is getting individuals and couples who feel hopeless and need more in life back on track. In this eye-opening episode, we explore: When do you know you need to see a Sex Therapist? How do family of origin issues impact intimate relationships? What is the process followed in Sex Therapy? What is the goal of sex? Songs - Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye, Let's Talk about Sex by Salt n Pepa and I'll make love to you by Boyz II Men Listen via Spotify playlist - GET REAL with Dr Ronaye Meditation - Find your joy This podcast is brought to you by Ethical Change Agency. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oooohhhh now that's a controversial title for an episode is it not

Oooohhhh! It is about time that I covered inner child healing, seeing as my main business is centered on holding space for people and their inner child healing. Haha. Anyways, this episode was super juicy! A lot of people have been realizing that healing with their inner child and showing up for them in the present is where its at. And I am here to tell you that is 100% true. If you choose one type of healing in this lifetime, inner child healing is the THE best option in my opinion. Our inner child affects all facets of our lives and if you do the deep scary healing with them, the rewards will be as large as a dragons horde. So what's this episode about!? As an inner child warrior I found that people have so much stigma and pressure around what an inner child relationship is supposed to look like, that they feel discouraged when they try to connect and don't have the reception they were expecting. Each age of your inner child can have a different vibe/feeling depending on what was going on for you in that time of your life. I broke down the different "receptions" you can have with your inner child when you tap in with them and how to navigate them to create a more solid relationship with the different versions of your inner child, sans the shame and judgment. As mentioned in the episode here are the LINKS: The Inner Childverse 1-1 healing: amandasachartoff.com/the-deep-shadowverse Patreon Coven: patreon.com/witchyandweirdpod My IG: instagram.com/amandasachartoffintuitive --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/witchyandweird/support

When low energy, pain, extra pounds, and other diagnoses like high blood pressure, diabetes, chronic fatigue, and autoimmune disease keep you from living the full life you'd love, you feel stuck.  I know, because I used to spend my days trying to find a way to heal naturally that would be enjoyable and would actually last.I knew that it couldn't involve any dieting math, nasty tasting food, or small portions that make you hangry, either... And that's why I'm super excited to share this jam-packed series with you!  BUT, if you haven't heard the first 4 parts (Episodes #119-122), go back now and listen to those, because each Episode in this series builds upon the last, and we don't want you to miss out.

Who is just the cutest little baby? Hopefully not YOU! This week we dive deep into infantilization--what it is and why they do it! And, we start taking a look at Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Sounds daunting and scary! OOOOHHHH! But, it's actually not at all. And, in this week's dramatic journal reading, Jill's ex-neighbor gets his comeuppance via produce!Each week Jill Maragos will dive into who these sneaky SOB's really are, what they do, and why they do it. And, she will share some tips and tricks for becoming “narcissist proof” (spoiler alert – it's loving yourself! And, it's not as hard as it seems.).Questions, comments, or send your own horror story to Jill, send an email to evilmompod@gmail.comJill Maragos grew up in Buffalo, NY where she earned Bachelor's Degrees in Broadcast Journalism and Mechanical Engineering. She developed her sense of humor while surviving her crazy family (an actual professional would probably call it a ‘coping mechanism'). Although she herself is not a professional therapist/counselor, she is very much a survivor of it. She is a nationally touring Stand-Up Comic working regularly with Greg Proops (Whose Line is it Anyway? – ABC) and Tom Papa (Co-Host of What a Joke with Papa and Fortune – SiriusXM). She lives in Memphis with her husband, Matt, and her two dogs, Oscar and Ernie.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

**BRAND NEW EPISODE** BUFFALOCHICKENSLICE THE PODCAST** - Episode 065, OOOOHHHH! (Paulie Walnuts voice). We break down our love of the Sopranos for the first half of the episode and we discuss our expectations of the new movie "Many Saints of Newark". Second half of the episode will be post date night after we have watched the movie. A great episode and just for fun count how many times Aaron yells out Ooohh! - FLUME, newest song by jorellana14 on SoundCloud. Nicole's cousin Jeremy created a masterpiece for our most recent trip to Hershey PA. Also, might be a surprise remix in the episode - Don't forget to Follow us on Instagram: BuffaloChickenSlice & Twitter: @BuffChickSlice Also feel free to submit any questions you have to our email buffalochickenslice@gmail.com. We will answer on the podcast for our Spicy Talk segment! Subscribe, Like and Share. Stay Spicy --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

in this episode: Taresa shares why she loves you. Kenn gives an update. Support the show at     Why I love you guys! I'm still new to hosting this awesome show, but I discovered that I love you guys. Ok, not trying to get corny or anything, but it's true. So listen, here is how I came to this conclusion. I'm at work, sitting at my desk working on my laptop. I share an office with 3 other women. Now we have been friends for years, but like normal work friends. We care about each other and text but don't hang out outside of work. The lady that sits directly across from me is my work-wife. What I mean is we are co-directors' and run multiple programs together. We make a really great team! We laugh a lot and share some very personal moments as well. But ya know like any spouse, there are things she's into that I am not. Well, the same goes for her. I am in love with motorcycles and riding. She is not. Well, what's a normal reaction when you do something you love, or find out exciting news about that subject? Right, you get super excited and want to share that. And that's what happened to me.    OK so first let me tell you the lead up to why I was so excited. I went to one of the monthly Indian Motorcycle Rider Group meetings. I told you guys before I immediately joined my local chapter after getting my Scout Bobber. Anyways, I went to the meeting and one of the guys, Greg, who I mentioned before in the Scout episode, episode 37 called “It may be small, but it can really move!” Go check it out if you haven't already!! Anyway, Greg and I were chatting, and I asked where his lovely wife Emmy was. See I had only met Emmy once before, she was finishing up her, I believe it was her master's degree as well as doing some other intensive trainings for work… Sidenote - She's a very busy and dedicated lady and I'm proud to know her. So anyway, I had asked where she was on that day and Greg said “Oh she's on her way. They called this morning and said her new Chief was delivered. They agreed not to open the crate until we could be here” At this point I'm pretty sure my eyeballs popped out of my head like in the cartoons and my tongue came out with drool running down my chin. Ok so that may be a dramatization, but I want you get a feel for how truly excited I was for this moment. Not only for my friends to be able to unbox their brand new 2021 Indian Chief, but to finally get to see one in person since I had been dreaming about this motorcycle since they started releasing promos for it.  We have the meeting; Emmy finally arrives, and majority of the group hung around to see this stunning piece of machinery. This is going to sound really cliché, but as it was unboxed everyone was ohhing and ahhing and we all cheered and hooted and hollered for her new purchase!!! It was really a celebration moment for our group members. We took pictures and Emmy climbed up on the crate to sit on her new Motorcycle. She looked like a stunning bad-ass boss lady with the biggest smile on her face.  So it was at this moment that I realized. I HAVE TO RIDE ONE!!!! Don't you know that day came sure enough about a week later. Melissa emailed me about a super chief that had just arrived on the showroom floor. Now the reason Melissa knew I was in the market for the chief is because I was trying to convince my husband to trade up from his Iron 883 to the Indian Chief. To see where that story went you should check out episode 39, Who wants to buy a motorcycle? OK where was I? Oh yea, so I get the email and I message him about it and wanted to see if he would want to go test ride it. Meanwhile I am jumping out of my skin because I am so worried it will be sold within 24 hours. He couldn't get off work, but I could take a lunch. Giddy laugh. I message him and say I can go test ride it for you and see if it lives up to all the hype. Then if I think it's something you'd like then we can see about you coming down to test ride later. At this point I am holding my breath waiting for his answer. HE SAID YES!!!! So as-long-as it took me to tell you all that, it really only happened in a couple of minutes. Now is when I look up at my work wife with the biggest smile on my face and so much giddiness that I'm practically bouncing in my seat. She noticed.    I said Paige I'm taking a lunch break. She replied, you never do that what's going on? Seeing my face, she naturally smiled because she knew it was something good. I told her I was about to go test ride this new motorcycle on my lunch break, which I was of course taking right then and there. So, as I'm telling her what I'm going to do I am gearing up to ride over to the dealership. She says something like oohh yay that's so exciting and tells me to have fun.  I go and have this cool experience that I will share in a future episode. I get back and she asks how was it? Now ya'll know the excitement of a new motorcycle. Man, I was on cloud 9!!! I started spewing the whole story, what it looked like, what it sounded like. I rambled on like a kid talking about the power, the ride modes, the comfort. So she is just listening and randomly throws out a OOOOHHHH, or FANCY. I kept talking and at the end, when I finally started coming down from that high, I said thank you. She goes for what? I said, ‘well, I could see all over your face that you had no idea what I was saying but you were trying so hard to stay engaged and excited with me.” We both laughed and she said yeah it was important to you so I tried.    This is why I love my listeners. I know that I now I have my people!! You will listen to my story and actually relate to it. I love my work wife for trying, and I have done the same for her at times. But you are my community. I can't wait to hear your stories. Please share them with me. I will read them and laugh with you or offer a similar story I have experienced. Share with me on Facebook on the Indian Motorcycle Radio Group or on my Taresa Uncaged page. You can also message me on Facebook or Instagram at Taresa Uncaged or send me an email at     That's it for this episode. Thank you to you for being my community. Thank you for subscribing, downloaded, and listening to Indian Motorcycle Radio. I hope you have a great week and will catch you on the next ride!       for decals and comments. 

MJ launches her first podcast spinoff - the TLW Experience! Sitcoms used to do it all the time but as far as we know, this is the FIRST time a podcast spun off another podcast. Tracy Lynn Williams, (Oooohhhh! THAT'S what TLW means!?!) MJ's temporary DearSis co-host, ventures out on her own, and in this episode, MJ unpacks the concept of the show with TLW and wishes her well.

It's Fight For Your Flashback time and this week we're picking... HOLIDAY SONGS! Also on the show today: - Greater Sydney Hotspots - Magnificent 7 - Jalmanac - FFYFB: Bain Is Back! - Head JAM - FFYFB: Holiday Songs - Pub Test: Raising The Drinking Age To 21 - Jimmy Barnes - Holiday Here And Holiday There Winner: Michelle From South Windsor - Mailbag: Bacon Man - Goolies Hotline - Jimbos Jibba Jabba - Man Of The MatchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's Fight For Your Flashback time and this week we're picking... HOLIDAY SONGS! Also on the show today: - Greater Sydney Hotspots - Magnificent 7 - Jalmanac - FFYFB: Bain Is Back! - Head JAM - FFYFB: Holiday Songs - Pub Test: Raising The Drinking Age To 21 - Jimmy Barnes - Holiday Here And Holiday There Winner: Michelle From South Windsor - Mailbag: Bacon Man - Goolies Hotline - Jimbos Jibba Jabba - Man Of The Match

Hahahaha

In this episode we dive deeper into UFOs, Aliens and how there are reptiles among us that have taken control of this world we live on. SCARY!!!!OOOOHHHH! We also take a look at former Toronto Blue Jay outfielder Kevin 'Superman' Pillar getting drilled in the schnoz by a fastball. SUPER SCARY!!!!OOOOHHHH!

Oooohhhh bald ist es soweit! MUGPU hat 50-jähriges Jubiläum! Ach was war die Reise toll. Danke an alle die noch da sind, oder noch dazu kommen. Unsere Türen sind immer offen für neue MUGPUdel! Für unsere Jubiläumsfolge wird es einen LIVESTREAM geben am SONNTAG um 14:00 unter diesem LINK. Mit ganz besonderen Gästen. Ihr solltet es nicht verpassen. Heute wieder in unsere tighten 60 Minuten Version: In dieser Folge geht es um Improcomedy,  alte Fernsehformate, Melancholie, das neue Leben und die Angst davor,  Karrieren (Matilde und Georg können alles, oder vieles), Finanzen (die beiden sind ein bisschen chaotisch), Unterschriften sammeln und Volksentscheide, Georgs Twitter und Matildes Instagram. Ist diese Auflistung schon zu lang geworden?  Ach es gibt noch mehr Themen: Unsicherheiten von hetero cis Männer, Steuerberater, Medizinstudium,  Ehrlichkeit von Ärzten,  Homöopathie, Gendern und HP Baxxter. Konnten wir euch mit diesen Auflistungen überzeugen diese Folge zu hören?  Die liebsten Grüße, und danke dass es euch gibt ihr lieben MUGPUdel! Teilt die Folge mit eurer sexpositiven Oma!Dieser Podcast wird präsentiert von Basti Bargelds Instagram-Profil (https://www.instagram.com/bastibargeld/) Werdet auch Sponsoren: matildeundgeorg@gmail.com oder auf INSTAGRAMFolgt UNS unterhttps://www.facebook.com/matildeundgeorghttps://www.instagram.com/matildeundgeorg/https://twitter.com/MatildeUndGeorgFolgt Georg unterhttps://www.facebook.com/GeorgFKhttps://www.instagram.com/kammerergeorg/https://twitter.com/GeorgFKaFolgt Matilde unterhttps://www.facebook.com/matikeizerhttps://www.instagram.com/matikeizer/Special thanks an Andrea Björk für unser Logo, und an Ralf Strecker für den Intro-Jingle. ❤️

-Graduation Faux Pas -NBA Play In Scenarios -Love is Dead in Arizona -Pekka Rinne Day

How is it going? You ever had a moment where God changes things up on you? You had something prepared or in mind and God said, "no, no, no, I need you to go through this and then speak on it." Well that's how we got to this episode. Esther 4: 15-17. In this passage, Esther had to make the decision of what to do after being rebuked by Mordecai. Her decision had great impact on what was to come for the people in Shushan. Likewise, our answer to rebuke, which there are really only 2 options will be key to determine what happens next. The first, which we all hate, is to accept it, submit ourselves to God, pray, fast, and humble ourselves. The second and most common, is to get defensive, continue to harm those around you, continue to hold onto the very things that are causing more harm but seems the easiest. Yet, you can't be afraid of the "king" not raising his scepter to you, but God is stronger and will make sure that the scepter is raised. but I'm a stop here so you will actually have something to listen to lol. Anyways, I hope this episode finds you well. to make some announcements, we are about 2 or more episodes away from finishing this season. I'll be announcing the next book of the bible God is leading me to, although I think I already know. don't forget to send me your prayer request, Links will be below. Stay Blessed, OOOOHHHH wait, I also need to announce a name change. I will no longer be going by the name or "moniker" of Mic-Key" I will be going by my last name Mancia as my artist name and just how I present myself on all social media and any other way of presenting myself. (it also makes it easier for SEO / search purposes.) Stay Blessed, Mancia PS: Shameless plug moment: Follow the link below to listen and pre-save my latest Music project "retaking" https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/mickey1/retaking-6 If you want to send you prayer request Click Here for everything else go to wwwtakingbackmusic.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/manciatbm/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/manciatbm/support

Oooohhhh anytime is the right time to show some love...... But everyone isn't into the public displays of affection or being overly affectionate in general!!!! So how do you deal with a partner that is overly affectionate, or one that doesn't like affection much at all?!? Join Leo and The Squad tonight at 8PM EST as we talk about getting our P.D.A. on or NOT!!! Lol!!! And make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel, or tune in by downloading the FREE JQLM Radio App!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/phatgirlchronicles/message

PLEASE JOIN ME TONIGHT FROM 7:30P - 10:30P CST FOR MY RADIO SHOW "THE NIGHT GROOVE" ONLY ON FACEBOOK "LIVE" !!

We’ve got mail! Voice mail! From a listener! Oooohhhh boy, let’s see what Hardy makes of this. You can send us your own audio message. Email zestylifehacks@gmail.com Find us on the socials. We’re @zestylifehacks just about everywhere This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy

Im terrified... and I noticed recently. When Im scared, I seek to control something. Something on the outside of myself. (have you heard of my "bath mat formula" ? Trust me it will change your life. If this word has entered your vocabulary ... Either about your self or someone else ? This podcast will change you life. Ill share my real life (real time) yes it happened TODAY moments before I record my podcast. Divine Timing as I step up and control MORE and surrender to more at the same time. Life and Business is easier in FLOW STATE ... However I had been tricking my self all this time. My brain lying to me to keep me safe. Oooohhhh this one is a doozy .... LISTEN IN !

It’s the long-delayed Season 10 launch we promised! At time of writing we have another episode in the can, and should be recording this very night. Oooohhhh… Bro Thor Black Eyed Peas We don’t know the Atlanta Rhythm Section Convention Showoff 116-year-old spoiler Not to show up our librarian, as I had to look it…Continue reading →

It’s the long-delayed Season 10 launch we promised! At time of writing we have another episode in the can, and should be recording this very night. Oooohhhh… Bro Thor Black Eyed Peas We don't know the Atlanta Rhythm Section Convention Showoff 116-year-old spoiler Not to show up our librarian, as I had to look it…Continue reading →

Have your Facebook & Instagram ads stopped working? Did they ever work at all?By far, the most common questions Danny Twoguns and I got since the last episode of this podcast were about targeting. People were very clear that they wanted DETAILED INFORMATION about exactly how to set up their ad targeting... none of the "nebulous" bullshit that people are tossing around.These questions come from everyone from start-up personal trainers, online coaches, and yoga teachers to 8-figure serial entrepreneurs. Each of them obviously has its own unique circumstances and differences, but there does tend to be one commonality.One step that they're all not taking.The next step.They take the first step just fine. They boost the post. They set up the sweet targeting parameters within a 5mile radius of the shop. They might have even installed the Facebook pixel on their Linktree. Oooohhhh.But nothing happens. They think "that's it?" and "☹️ Facebook ads don't work."But they for do nothing with the folks who watched the video, or Saved the post, or clicked the link right before she had to put her phone away because her daughter was crying - and then forgot to come back.That's the step they're missing. And it's probably the step you're missing.Here's a general overview of the topics Here's a quick overview of some of the topics we cover.When to turn an ad off if you have a small budgetThe best ad everDark Posts vs Boost Posts vs Organic PostsDanny's Social Media & Advertising "Beautiful Mindmap" (his exact social media & ads campaign structure that he uses with his clients. We step through it, in detail, in the episode. But you can see the image here.)WTF is a Global Warm Audience?How to build a campaign to get online coaching clientsHow to build a campaign to get local clientsA weird way to create your "Customer Avatar"How to pay the Facebook Membership Fee for special rights & privileges in the Newsfeed.And a bunch more that I will add to this description soon.And we also took questions from the RTV FB group.Bernadette asked about how the hell you target people.Kassidy asked how to use Facebook & Instagram ads to sell out her expensive yoga retreat.Dio wanted to know how to build ad campaigns to get clients for his online coaching businessSusan wanted to know how to use Facebook ads to attract an older clientele who might benefit from her grief counseling servicesBethany asked how to use ads to get yoga clients in Japan as an American woman.All of those questions answered in this episode, and if you want to submit a question like this for a future episode, join the group and let us know.Some of this episode is advanced, so if anything goes over your head, just bear with us for a few moments longer. We'll get to the simplification or an example that will make it click.If you have any questions about any of this stuff, join us in the Confidence, Influence & Random Talking Video Facebook group. Danny, Kassidy, and I are in there a lot and we're always down to help out.Best place to find Danny is @dannytwoguns.Support the show (http://unusuallyfocused.com)

Siimmm primeiro tavatoa com convidado, recebemos nosso amigo Jonas, cara super gente boa e independente, porque independente?? Porque o episódio de hoje é sobre MORAR SOZINHO, ta sensacional galera, tão bom que tivemos que dividir em 2 partes, ouçam até o final!! (Ps: a putaria ficou pro segundo, aguardem..) http://instagram.com/tavatoa http://twitter.com/tavatoacast tavatoacast@gmail.com

This episode we debate everything from bringing “guest” to the holiday gatherings, friendships, Kanye and ALL his antics but most importantly we deep dive into the infamous Rodney Reed case and how it translates to the culture and our lack of access....or misused access. Listen in for more!!!!!

Episode 80: In this episode of the It’s Better This Way Podcast we are joined by Bruce Leroy from The Unpopular Opinions Podcast. Great guest. Dope discussion. Very fun podcast. Enjoy!! Apple Podcast: Rate The Show, Here —> http://bit.ly/2uNvykH MUSIC/VIDEO: @JustaProducer @dudeDerrick @DPointA CONTACTS: IG: @ibtwpodcast T/IG: @freewayteejay IG: @ejizback IG: @ajoshzenker E: IBTWPodcast@gmail.com Site: www.talkingtoourselves.com

Siimmm primeiro tavatoa com convidado, recebemos nosso amigo Jonas, cara super gente boa e independente, porque independente?? Porque o episódio de hoje é sobre MORAR SOZINHO, ta sensacional galera, tão bom que tivemos que dividir em 2 partes, ouçam até o final!! (Ps: a putaria ficou pro segundo, aguardem..) http://instagram.com/tavatoa http://twitter.com/tavatoacast tavatoacast@gmail.com

WATCH VIDEO DEMONSTRATION HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1W9eVsWumQ   Hands Free Sex Toy for men (and couples) 2:54 Guys, go from soft, to hard to Oooohhhh and never have to stroke it.Two (big) Thumbs Up from The Two Wild Orchids! http://bit.ly/TWOpulse3Duo 6:50It's the world's first Guyberator that is hot sexy fun for both of you! Get yours Today: http://bit.ly/TWOpulse3Duo Use Our Discount Code: SL101:35 Hands free is a game changer for people who have ED or who struggle with mobility/grip.3:42 A second, remote controlled motor is on the outside of the PULSE III DUO to vibrate her clit. Wrap the PULSE around his penis, climb on top of him and grind against him and the toy.8:35 Always use with a generous squeeze of water-based lubricant for extra slippery fun. Who takes charge of the remote is up to you... *Comes with USB rechargeable motor 9 Speed Oscillator & 5 vibration modes with adjustable frequencyGet your own PULSE III Duo Here: http://bit.ly/TWOpulse3Duo Use Our Discount Code: SL10 Check out Two Wild Orchids for more: https://www.2wildorchids.comListen to the Two Wild Orchids Podcast:https://podcasts.apple.com/my/podcast...Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/2WildOrchids/Two Wild Orchids Twitter: https://twitter.com/2_wild_orchidsTwo Wild Orchids Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twowildorchidsSeanlai's Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theseanlai/ http://bit.ly/TWOpulse3Duo

DO NOT do what porn stars do! Don't just dart your tongue in and out.  Eating Pussy is an art form.  Sharpen your 'sword' and learn How To lick Pussy Like A Boss.  Guys cocks are easier to navigate but he still knows what he likes.   Do you know EXACTLY what he likes? How hard to grip?  How fast to stroke? And did you bring your grapefruit? **************Hey guys, sorry about my (Seanlai) audio on this! It was too good a show not to post.  We've already fixed it for future episodes. #DoneIsBetterThanPerfect ***********  Seanlai & Lauren slide into this sticky topic and it's only the beginning.  When a woman finds a guy who gives good head, she'll forgive a multitude of sins.  #TRUTH When a guy finds a girl who loves blowjobs, he'll learn how to give great head.  #TRUTH Mentioned in this episode:Deep-throat easier and have a happier vajayjay with Seanlai's Favorite Lube Wicked Sensitive Skin The Pulse III Duo Guyberator: Go from soft, to hard to Oooohhhh and never have to stroke it. http://bit.ly/TWOQ1Get your own here: http://bit.ly/TWOpulse3Duo Use Our Discount Code: SL10 Shoutout to Fellow Amazeball Podcasters:If you want to tune into a hilarious and true crime podcast checkout My Favorite Murder www.myfavoritemurder.com And for crazy sexcapades that can only happen in NYC check out Sophia and Alex at Call Her Daddy www.callherdaddy.com  Thanks to Auntie Angel for her grapefruit and whip cream lessons https://angelseroticsolutions.com/  

Mmmmmmm. Have you ever wondered what’s in a glove? Oh, baby, on this episode of We Are Experts, we dig to the bottom of it. We get inside. Oooohhhh it’s sweaty in here. Love it.

Hello Listeners! We go in depth with our thoughts on Sea of Thieves. Are we being the best pirates we can be? Also, Fortnite has recently taken the country by storm! We discuss our thoughts on Fortnite and its battle with PUBG...but is it really a battle?   As always, thank you to Slumberyard Handcrafted for sponsoring us. They are the reason you get to listen to our sweet, sweet voices on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever you like to listen to your podcasts. They are amazing, make sure to hit them up!   Thanks to Eric Skiff for the use of our intro and outro songs! If you like what you hear, head on over to his SoundCloud to listen to more good tunes.

We review the Blizzard of the Month for Dec 2017, then discuss the newly announced Oreo flavors for 2018, and then delve into a discussion of past Oreo flavors.  We answer questions such as "Is lard still used in Oreos?", "Is there a point to Golden Oreos?", "Does portion controlling as kids translate to healthy eating as adults?" and "Why does this podcast exist".  Yes, that's right, we talk about the origins of this podcast.  (Oooohhhh…)   We wrap up with a listener question about foods we won't eat.

We breakdown the Packers lose to the Steelers and the Badgers win over Minnesota with Bill Scott, Andy Baggot, JP Cadoren, and Matt Lepay

We've got two early-period classics here, folks. Old Money - in which Grampa Simpson falls in love with a lovely old woman who promptly dies - is a really undervalued episode, let me tell you. We loved it, even if the ending is a bit weird. Oooohhhh, Beeeeaaa. And then, Brush With Greatness. My goodness, what a wonderful episode. Another triumph! So, what do we get into? Nick talks about breaking his arm, James lists the specific elderly people we should treasure, we get deep into Colossus/Monroe theory (you'll see), and generally praise the wonderful work of Jon Lovitz, "a real force for good in the world". At one point we do impressions of Ringo Starr, and they are...truly bad, so look forward to that. This week's podcast recommendation: Burgers and FriesFB: facebook.com/podsinthekeyofspringfieldTwitter: @KeySpringfieldIsnta: podsinthekeyofspringfield

Oooohhhh yeah!!!!!! Another week down in the books, and another podcast down for the squad... One away from double digits! Thanks for y’all consistent support. The usual is on the agenda this week... Week 10 recap for College Football and NFL along with quick hits, trap games and upset alerts for week 11. We also speak on the fights of week 10, NFL meeting with Kaepernick, our views on the College Football Playoff standings and much more!! Hope you enjoy, and per usual your feedback is always appreciated!! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/balls-sports-podcast/support

Tune in tonight to hear what "Dem Twins" have in store! New music from DJ Khaled ft Drake, Big Boi's banger "Kill Jill" ft Killer Mike, and much much more from the mainstream. Can't forget the homie Chris O-D will be calling in at 9:15 pm EST to chop it up with the Twins about his upcomig projects. OOOOHHHH and the ever popular Top 10 Countdown will most surley have a few shake ups so listen to see if your favorite Indie Artist made the cut!!! Call in number is 646-716-4952 and Press 1 to chat with the hosts!!! #TrendWithTwin tonight from 8-10 pm EST and see what the fuss is about!!

¿Hay algo en lo que más gente esté de acuerdo que en el hecho de que las bodas son un coñazo? A lo largo y ancho de este país se puede escuchar el lamento, a veces a voces, a veces entre susurros, "¡Tres bodas tengo este año! ¡Menuda putada! ¡Yo te gano que tengo cinco! ¡Y encima me joden las vacaciones! ¡OOOOHHHH!" Sin embargo, presas del espíritu vengativo que nos ayudó a conquistar un imperio hace 500 años, en cuanto nos llega el turno somos nosotros los primeros en organizar la temida celebración. "Me apetecería mucho que vinieses", dices mientras entregas cada invitación. Pero en realidad lo que piensas es "¡Donde las dan las toman! JAJAJAJAJAJA". Por no hablar del sincretismo cultural que representan. Es de las pocas cosas en la que los españoles hemos sido capaces de unir lo moderno y lo tradicional sin que se nos caiga la cara de vergüenza. Y no porque lo hayamos hecho con un alarde de clase, que va. Si no porque podemos subastar la liga de la novia subidos en el carrito del Candy Bar empujado por la Weeding Planner sin ponernos colorados. Señoras vestidas de pastel, cuñados con la corbata en la cabeza, Photo Call con sombreros absurdos. ¡Todo vale en una boda española! Nuestra capacidad de convertir en sórdido todo lo que salga en una comedia romántica americana es infinita. Seamos sinceros, en el fondo, y cada vez más con la edad, las bodas molan. Son el equivalente adulto a las primeras noches que salías en nochevieja. Una buena excusa para emborracharte vestido de traje. Y cualquier ocasión que te permita hacer el ridículo con una vestimenta pensada para parecer formal merece la pena. No se lo pierdan.

¿Hay algo en lo que más gente esté de acuerdo que en el hecho de que las bodas son un coñazo? A lo largo y ancho de este país se puede escuchar el lamento, a veces a voces, a veces entre susurros, "¡Tres bodas tengo este año! ¡Menuda putada! ¡Yo te gano que tengo cinco! ¡Y encima me joden las vacaciones! ¡OOOOHHHH!" Sin embargo, presas del espíritu vengativo que nos ayudó a conquistar un imperio hace 500 años, en cuanto nos llega el turno somos nosotros los primeros en organizar la temida celebración. "Me apetecería mucho que vinieses", dices mientras entregas cada invitación. Pero en realidad lo que piensas es "¡Donde las dan las toman! JAJAJAJAJAJA". Por no hablar del sincretismo cultural que representan. Es de las pocas cosas en la que los españoles hemos sido capaces de unir lo moderno y lo tradicional sin que se nos caiga la cara de vergüenza. Y no porque lo hayamos hecho con un alarde de clase, que va. Si no porque podemos subastar la liga de la novia subidos en el carrito del Candy Bar empujado por la Weeding Planner sin ponernos colorados. Señoras vestidas de pastel, cuñados con la corbata en la cabeza, Photo Call con sombreros absurdos. ¡Todo vale en una boda española! Nuestra capacidad de convertir en sórdido todo lo que salga en una comedia romántica americana es infinita. Seamos sinceros, en el fondo, y cada vez más con la edad, las bodas molan. Son el equivalente adulto a las primeras noches que salías en nochevieja. Una buena excusa para emborracharte vestido de traje. Y cualquier ocasión que te permita hacer el ridículo con una vestimenta pensada para parecer formal merece la pena. No se lo pierdan.

Shannon and Craig get all mystical and experience a healthy mix of clarity, confusion, and skepticism. Shannon fails at shuffling, and Craig turns into a cardboard box.

Greetings, Sister,It’s Wild Soul Medicine Radio time again and I am feeling saucy. There is a new voice forming itself inside of me. It feels more fun, more provocative, more free, more Wild Soul than before… and also fledgling in a way. Like a teenager whose voice is evolving into new octaves of sound and power. It cracks unexpectedly and a little awkwardly one moment and offers new levels of depth and insight the next.I am playing with it. Learning to dance and weave in it.It REALLY wants to have the mic today, but my more serious, genius, competent side is more than a little wary.She’s afraid you won’t come, won’t get it, won’t be moved by it.But I desire Liberation for myself. I want to have the freedom to talk about things I don’t have figured out yet - to simply raise a topic and leave it unwrapped and unfolding in the center of the circle. I want to be able to traverse many topics in one episode, and make fun of myself and things that need made fun of.So I’m trotting Her out today. (Or rather… SHE is trotting me out.)We’re going to talk about some things that have my attention.I don’t know if we have a point, that remains to be Seen.But in service of you choosing to join me or not, some of the things that have my attention are:The OlympicsWhere the heck our Guides are right nowThe Divine Feminine and Hillary ClintonDonald Trump… (seriously, I can’t look away.)I make no promises about the Medicine here for you. I’ll let you be the arbiter of that.I’m just going to show up and have some fun.We’ll see where that takes Us.

Greetings, Sister,It’s Wild Soul Medicine Radio time again and I am feeling saucy. There is a new voice forming itself inside of me. It feels more fun, more provocative, more free, more Wild Soul than before… and also fledgling in a way. Like a teenager whose voice is evolving into new octaves of sound and power. It cracks unexpectedly and a little awkwardly one moment and offers new levels of depth and insight the next.I am playing with it. Learning to dance and weave in it.It REALLY wants to have the mic today, but my more serious, genius, competent side is more than a little wary.She’s afraid you won’t come, won’t get it, won’t be moved by it.But I desire Liberation for myself. I want to have the freedom to talk about things I don’t have figured out yet - to simply raise a topic and leave it unwrapped and unfolding in the center of the circle. I want to be able to traverse many topics in one episode, and make fun of myself and things that need made fun of.So I’m trotting Her out today. (Or rather… SHE is trotting me out.)We’re going to talk about some things that have my attention.I don’t know if we have a point, that remains to be Seen.But in service of you choosing to join me or not, some of the things that have my attention are:The OlympicsWhere the heck our Guides are right nowThe Divine Feminine and Hillary ClintonDonald Trump… (seriously, I can’t look away.)I make no promises about the Medicine here for you. I’ll let you be the arbiter of that.I’m just going to show up and have some fun.We’ll see where that takes Us.

Greetings, Sister, It’s Wild Soul Medicine Radio time again and I am feeling saucy. There is a new voice forming itself inside of me. It feels more fun, more provocative, more free, more Wild Soul than before… and also fledgling in a way. Like a teenager whose voice is evolving into new octaves of sound and power. It cracks unexpectedly and a little awkwardly one moment and offers new levels of depth and insight the next. I am playing with it. Learning to dance and weave in it. It REALLY wants to have the mic today, but my more serious, genius, competent side is more than a little wary. She’s afraid you won’t come, won’t get it, won’t be moved by it. But I desire Liberation for myself. I want to have the freedom to talk about things I don’t have figured out yet - to simply raise a topic and leave it unwrapped and unfolding in the center of the circle. I want to be able to traverse many topics in one episode, and make fun of myself and things that need made fun of. So I’m trotting Her out today. (Or rather… SHE is trotting me out.) We’re going to talk about some things that have my attention. I don’t know if we have a point, that remains to be Seen. But in service of you choosing to join me or not, some of the things that have my attention are: The Olympics Where the heck our Guides are right now The Divine Feminine and Hillary Clinton Donald Trump… (seriously, I can’t look away.) I make no promises about the Medicine here for you. I’ll let you be the arbiter of that. I’m just going to show up and have some fun. We’ll see where that takes Us.

Greetings, Sister,It’s Wild Soul Medicine Radio time again and I am feeling saucy. There is a new voice forming itself inside of me. It feels more fun, more provocative, more free, more Wild Soul than before… and also fledgling in a way. Like a teenager whose voice is evolving into new octaves of sound and power. It cracks unexpectedly and a little awkwardly one moment and offers new levels of depth and insight the next.I am playing with it. Learning to dance and weave in it.It REALLY wants to have the mic today, but my more serious, genius, competent side is more than a little wary.She’s afraid you won’t come, won’t get it, won’t be moved by it.But I desire Liberation for myself. I want to have the freedom to talk about things I don’t have figured out yet - to simply raise a topic and leave it unwrapped and unfolding in the center of the circle. I want to be able to traverse many topics in one episode, and make fun of myself and things that need made fun of.So I’m trotting Her out today. (Or rather… SHE is trotting me out.)We’re going to talk about some things that have my attention.I don’t know if we have a point, that remains to be Seen.But in service of you choosing to join me or not, some of the things that have my attention are:The OlympicsWhere the heck our Guides are right nowThe Divine Feminine and Hillary ClintonDonald Trump… (seriously, I can’t look away.)I make no promises about the Medicine here for you. I’ll let you be the arbiter of that.I’m just going to show up and have some fun.We’ll see where that takes Us.

Oooohhhh!!! The Cristafurion.com crew have special access to Cartoon Network's newest animated feature before it even hits the shelves!!