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A paranormal investigation begins..by Krosis. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Ed finally gets Charisma alone. "Doctor Lintrell?"The brown-haired woman looked up from her desk and lowered her cats-eye glasses. "Yes? Do we have an appointment?"The short woman and tall man, both dressed in dark suits and also brown-haired, stepped into the office. The woman pulled out her identification. "You called us, Doctor. Agents Kelly and Smolder, Homeland Security.""Oh, yes, please close the door and have a seat. I wouldn't have called, but since the incident, I've been having nightmares -- flashbacks?"The agents sat. The man, Smolder, leaned forward, looking skeptical. "About a large blue penis?"The doctor flushed. "I thought it was nothing, but a week ago I missed my period, and I haven't had sex with anyone...well, anyone I remember, anyway. I tested myself and...I'm pregnant. The blue penis keeps popping up in my dreams, so I think someone hypnotized me, not that I used to believe in hypnosis, but..." She reached into her desk. "...then I found this." She held out a piece of paper.Kelly read it and then handed the paper to her partner. On it was the date from three weeks previous, some scribblings about a "John Smith", an unspecified problem with his penis, and the last thing written was, "Blue!""I don't remember writing that, agents, but it's definitely my handwriting."Smolder took a picture of the note with his phone and handed it back to the doctor. "John Smith, huh?"She looked nettled. "Obviously a fake name...I expect that he was embarrassed about his penis."Kelly nodded. "And you can't remember anything about this man, other than that?"Doctor Lintrell shook her head. "I'm sorry...my staff didn't even remember him. One thought that he might have had brown hair?"Smolder stood up. "Brown hair? We'll have this solved by lunch! Thanks, Doctor Lintrell." Then he turned on his heel and stomped out of the room."I'm sorry for my partner," Kelly said. "He's a bit of a skeptic."The doctor nodded. "You said you were Homeland Security? I called the local police."Kelly got to her feet. "We believe that this could be far bigger than a local issue." She drew closer and whispered, "Aliens."The doctor looked at her blankly. "You think 'John Smith' is Mexican?"Kelly frowned and sighed. "Something like that. We'll be in touch, Doctor."---Spring Break was over, and Ed was back in school. He was definitely not going to miss his chance at getting Charisma alone this time! When she asked the teacher if she could go to the washroom, Ed did the same a few minutes later.He caught the gorgeous blonde just as she was heading back to class. "Hey, Charisma! Can I talk to you?""You are talking to me," she replied dismissively, not stopping."I mean alone!"She paused and turned to him. "What for?""I...I have to show you something...you'll really love it!""I've heard That before..." Then she looked thoughtful, "though they were right. Okay, come on." She pulled Ed back into the women's washroom. "Well?""Just a sec," Ed said. He turned his back to her and let Perry out through his zipper before whirling back around. "Ta da!" he cried with a flourish."Oh," Charisma responded as she beheld his large blue alien penis.Ed paused. "Oh?"Charisma pulled her skirt up, surprising him. "Yeah, I already got one of those. Blue dick buddies!" She held out her fist.Ed was unable to tear his eyes away from the 4" blue penis hanging between her legs."Oh, c'mon! Don't leave me hangin'!"Ed slowly raised his arm and gave her the saddest fist bump ever."Okay, see ya!" Then she was gone, leaving Ed standing alone in the girls' washroom.*So...I guess we have something to discuss, Ed.* Perry said in his mind. *Sorry, buddy, one of my drones got into her over the holiday.*"Drones?"*Yeah...well, all that sex we've been having? It's been allowing me to 'spread my seed', so to speak. You know how you have one blue ball and one regular one? The blue one's mine, and it's been making drones; copies of me.*Ed's mind was overloading. Everyone he had sex with? "Muh...my Mom too?"*Oh, she's been great, just going to town on the locals, and then with her own sister...so hot!*"Aunt Erin?!"Just then the door opened and a pretty redheaded senior walked in. "Hey! What are you doing inn...here..." Her mind shut down as she saw Perry dancing in front of her, and she pulled her shirt off, revealing nice palm-sized breasts covered by a pink bra.*Time to have some fun, Ed!*"But...no..." Ed felt his body flush with desire for this young woman, Perry leading the way as he advanced on her.She pulled her skirt and pink panties down and then bent over the sink counter, presenting her puffy, rapidly moistening pussy to him."Perry...I don't wanna..." But Ed took a hold of the teenaged beauty's rounded hips and felt Perry slither inside her sultry vagina. "...oh..no..."*Hey, Ed, this one's fertile,* Perry advised him, noticing the telltale mucus as he slipped deeper inside. *You want me to let Pinky get all up in her?*Ed started to thrust. It was feeling really good. His mind seemed to be floating, strangely unconcerned about what was happening. "Pinky?"*That's what I named your remaining testicle. I can make my stuff shoot into her, or yours. Lemme know which when we get closer, huh?*"I...umm..." Ed unfastened the girl's bra, and her B-cups swung forward. His hands engulfed them, squeezing gently and making the mesmerized beauty gasp as he thrust into her."Uh-huhh..." she moaned as Ed started to tweak her wide nipples.He felt her pussy gripping him tightly. It was feeling really good now...*Time to choose, Ed! Pinky or Perry?*Ed continued to thrust. Why couldn't he think straight? he wondered.*Looks like I gave you a little too much happy juice, buddy. How about we give her both, and may the best man win?*"Uh! Ernh!" Ed was slamming into the girl now, and she was crying out with each hard thrust. He felt his load mustering in his loins, and then the pleasure rushed up his long shaft. He thrust hard and fast into the redhead until... "Ugh!" Ecstasy burst from the tip of his cock as he painted her unprotected pussy with a huge load of cum. "Ur!""Uck-ah!" she cried out as her own orgasm exploded from deep inside her pussy, where the combined load of Perry's blue and Ed's white sperm deluged her fertile depths. Perry pressed the tip of his head against her spasming cervix, and several spurts of their combined seed slipped straight through, invading her undiscovered country."Huh...huh..." Ed leaned down upon the girl, all of his energy gone."Umm...can'd breedh..." the girl groaned from under him.He pulled back, Perry slipping out from inside her and making them both gasp. "Oh, sorry," he offered.She looked down at all the sperm oozing out of her gaping pussy. "Oh shit, now I really really have to pee..." She ran into a stall and moaned as she let loose.Ed grabbed her clothes and handed them to her under the stall door."Thanks!""You're...welcome..." Ed shook his head, zipped up, and went back to class. Kelly and Smolder meet Ed.Ed was having trouble getting his head around it all. His new 10" blue penis, which was actually an alien parasite named Perry, was making copies of itself every time Ed had sex with someone! And then those copies had sex with others and made more copies! But whenever Ed tried to talk to Perry about it, he got distracted. He felt like Perry might be manipulating him, but then he got really tired and had to go take a nap.Homeland Security agents Kelly and Smolder were stumped trying to find the man with the blue penis that had allegedly hypnotized and impregnated a local doctor. "John Smith" was an obvious pseudonym, and the possibly brown-haired rapist had been so nondescript that it was futile to just canvass the area. The town wasn't large, but there were still several thousand residents, and there was also no guarantee that the mystery man hadn't visited the clinic from one of the neighboring suburbs."Hmm..." Kelly hummed as she consulted her phone."I know that 'hmm'," Smolder responded jokingly, "you found something.""A meteorite fell to Earth a few miles from here the night before 'John Smith' went to Doctor Lintrell's clinic," she revealed, holding her phone screen toward him.He didn't even look. "Oh God, aliens again? I keep telling you, there's no such thing, Kelly!""So you keep saying," she replied, "but do we have anything better to go on?"Ding dong!Ed woke up from his nap. "Mom?" he called out.Ding dong!Since his mother didn't seem to be home, Ed headed down and opened the front door, revealing a tall man and a short woman, dressed in dark suits."JOHN SMITH!" the man pointed a finger accusingly at Ed.Ed staggered back. That was the fake name that he had given at the clinic! How the hell had they found him?"Oh, enough, Smolder," the woman chastised him. "Are you going to yell that at every brown-haired male we come across?"The man smiled, chagrined. "You never know, right?"Ed tried to control his breathing. "Um...um...who are you? What do you want?"The woman showed him her ID. "Homeland Security agents Kelly and Smolder. May we come in?" Since Ed had already stepped back in shock, they stepped into the entryway without waiting for permission."Um, sure," Ed acquiesced as they closed the door behind them."Who are you, if not John Smith?" the man -- Smolder -- asked him, notebook in hand."Ed Doughtry, sir.""'Sir'...someone raised you right, Ed. Are your parents here?""Dad's delivering around town all day." Ed looked around. "I thought Mom was here, but she must have gone out." That was happening more and more often while his Dad was absent. He tried not to think of his mother fucking women all around town with her new blue penis, infecting them with more blue penises like Perry."We'd like to ask you about the meteorite that landed in your back forty, Mr. Doughtry," Agent Kelly asked."Meteorite? Sorry, I wasn't aware," Ed lied."It came down late at night a few weeks ago. You were probably asleep," she informed him. He nodded. "Can I have a look at the crash site?""Um, sure..."He watched the short woman head out the back door, leaving him alone with the imposingly tall Agent Smolder. Ed wished that she had stayed instead.Smolder gave him a disarming smile. "So, Ed...what's there to do for fun around here?"In the back of the town's only adult store, a fit dirty blonde sat in the blowjob booth as her latest customer blew his load down her throat. Lacey, 23 years old, hadn't been very effective at most of the jobs she'd had since barely graduating high school, but she was a born cocksucker. The man's average-sized cock retreated through the glory hole and she heard a muffled, "Thanks!" She put the two $20 bills that had preceded his cock into her purse.A minute or so later, another couple Jacksons were pushed through the hole, followed by a hard penis, and she paused to examine the schlong. The inside of the booth was dim so that the clientele couldn't identify her if they looked through the hole, but the 8" hard cock seemed...off, somehow. Still, it was a nice-sized member, so she took it into her mouth. A moan, of a higher pitch than expected, sounded from the other side of the wall. She continued to suck, and felt some precum slip into her mouth. She gulped it down.Lacey suddenly felt very hot. She had to get her clothes off and cool down! She quickly pulled off her tight jeans, and then let go of the cock to remove her t-shirt. Finally, shrugging, she doffed her panties and bra, freeing her B-cup breasts. That felt better, and the naked woman took the cock back in hand.Then she realized that her pussy was very wet. She didn't normally do this, but she felt hornier than she remembered being for a very long time. "Ooh, you're in for a treat, mister," she called out to her paramour as she turned, bent over, and backed herself onto that hard prong. The penis seemed to practically slither into her wanton depths, and she gasped in pleasure. She wondered if she had forgotten something important, but couldn't figure out what it was as it sat, unused, in its foil packet in her purse.She moaned as she pushed back, and that sizable member bottomed out inside her tight little body. Then she leaned forward as her lover pulled back, and they smashed their private parts back together on the downswing. That wonderful cock seemed to slide along her g-spot nicely as it went, and she was amazed at how well her lover was pleasuring her, as if that person somehow had intimate knowledge of a woman's inner workings. She was already close to orgasming.Then when they were fully joined again, the head of that wonderful cock rapping insistently at her cervix, she came. "Fuuuckk..." she moaned, shaking, her nipples incredibly hard.Her lover started to thrust faster and harder inside her, extending her orgasm. Her mind was trying to tell her that something important was about to happen. Well, of course it was, she told herself; the orgasm's the best part!"Ungh!"Lacey heard the high-pitched voice on the other side of the wall grunt, and felt that stupendous cock throb deep inside her. Then she felt a hot warmth suddenly permeate her core and came again, hard. "Huhh! Ohh wooow..." She pushed back onto the spurting cock, her co-opted instincts telling her to make sure that precious seed went as deep inside her as it could, and it did. A gush of blue-tinged semen splashed through her spasming cervix, where it began its journey of transformation deep inside the young woman.Eve Doughtry tucked her softening member back under her skirt and left through the glory hole room's door, surprising the shop owner as she went. She gave him a wink and headed home.Agent Kelly returned. "Unfortunately, there wasn't much left of the meteorite.""So, no aliens?" Smolder asked with a sardonic grin.Ed choked. "Uhh...aliens? Are you kidding?"*You rang?* Perry sounded in his head."Where the hell have you been?" Ed subvocalized."What was that?" Smolder asked."Just...wondering when my Mom's going to be home. She's been gone for a while."Kelly stepped forward and handed him a business card. "Please have her call me if she or your father were awake when the meteorite came down, or if they've seen anything...strange...okay, Mr. Doughtry?"*Oh, she's cute, Ed...kind of a hot nerd, don'tcha think?* Perry asked.Ed smiled at her and nodded, "Yep.""All right, we'll show ourselves out. Have a good day." Then they were gone."Perry, that was way too close!" Ed exclaimed.*Relax, Ed...if we can't beat 'em, she'll join us, and it looks like she's the smart one in that partnership. Problem solved.*Ed wondered. The teary ending.Agents Kelly and Smolder split up to interview the neighbors, with short, curvy Kelly trudging up the gravel path of a nearby farmhouse to knock on the front door.An attractive, shorter brunette woman opened it and gave the agent an assessing gaze. "Yes?"Kelly held up her ID. "Homeland Security, Agent Kelly, ma'am. I was wondering if you saw or heard the meteorite that came down a few weeks ago, or have you seen anything strange since?"The woman stood back and opened the door wide. "The meteorite? Why don't you come in and we can discuss it. I'm Darla, by the way.""Thank you." Kelly entered the house. "Oh, what a lovely home you have, Darl--"As the agent passed her, the housewife pushed her forward hard, causing Kelly to sprawl across the arm of the cushy couch with her butt in the air."--ahh!"In a flash, Darla was upon her, pushing up the agent's coat and pulling down her trousers. Darla's now 7" blue erection was ready.*Ha! Got her!* Perry announced in Ed's head."Got who?"*Agent Kelly! She went next door to Darla's, and...*"Aunt Darla too? Oh, Perry!"*Shit! What just happened?*"What?"*I lost contact with Darla...there's just nothing!*Ed had never heard Perry sound worried before. "Um..."*I'm calling in reinforcements.*"Coraaa...whyyy...?" Cora's mother moaned as her daughter ravaged her with her new 6" blue penis. The small retro grunge senior student had found her mother in bed, nursing a migraine, and insisted that she give her a massage to help. Once the older woman was relaxed, though, Cora had pounced. Once Perry's drone cock was inside her mother's pussy, there was no stopping her."I just gotta..." Cora responded, "...gotta...unhh..." She moved faster, slamming that blue cock harder into her Mom. "Gottaa...aaahhh!" she cried out as blue sperm blasted from the head of her cock, filling her mother's unprotected depths."Aahhh! Corrraaaa!!" her mother screamed as her own orgasm exploded from the hot, wet pressure filling her.Cora froze for a moment, pulled out quickly, and raced from the room, not even pausing to pull her baggy jeans back on.Around town, an assortment of women likewise stopped what they were doing and rushed to their vehicles, some carpooling with others, like Cora, who didn't drive. As one, they raced toward the Doughtry farm.A few minutes later, there was a banging on the front door.*Don't answer it, Ed!* Perry yelled in his head."That's not your reinforcements? What do I do?"*Out the back!*Ed rushed for the back door, but Agent Smolder kicked that in, gun drawn and pointed right at him."Ack!" Ed screeched, and automatically put his hands up."Open the front door, Ed," Smolder directed him, his pistol unwavering.He did, and Kelly walked in, holding a silver briefcase. She took Ed's arm. "Ed, I'm going to need you to take me to your bedroom.""Err, what's goin' on, Kelly?" Smolder asked as he put away his gun. "Is Ed here our guy?""That's what I'm going to find out. C'mon..." and she pulled Ed up the stairs to his room, Smolder following. She turned back to her partner. "Smolder, I'm going to need you to barricade the doors and windows. We might have unfriendly visitors soon. And don't shoot anyone!" Then she pulled Ed into his room and closed the door."Okay, I'll just be out here trying to unkick the back door, I guess?" Smolder called up cheekily.She dropped the silver briefcase onto his bed. "Pants off, Ed."*Stupid woman!* Perry exulted, *Now she's ours! Let's show her what we're made of, Ed.*Ed unzipped and Perry sprang out, dancing hypnotically before the short, sexy agent."There you are," Kelly said, her eyes turning entirely coal black.*No! What are they doing here?! Shit! Run, Ed!*Suddenly full of adrenaline, Ed dashed for the door, but Kelly was a step ahead of him, tripping him up and climbing astride him. She held his arms down as Perry battered at her trousers, trying to insert himself inside her.Her eyes were as black as pitch as she stared into his. "Ed, I need you to listen to me. I think you know, deep down, that this thing has been controlling you, but it won't let you realize it. I'm going to help with that, and you need to help me."There was the scrabbling sound of car tires on the driveway outside. "Uh, Kelly? I think we have company!" Smolder called out from downstairs."We don't have much time, Ed," Kelly advised him. "I need you to think about what was most important to you before this thing came into your life. Ack!" Perry had poked her right in her pussy through her trousers, so she grabbed the alien phallus with one hand while shifting a knee to keep Ed's arms immobile.Ed's mind felt odd, like he was waking up from a dream. Most important? Graduating school, meeting a woman, having sex with that woman, lots of sex...his cock throbbed in the agent's firm hand."Concentrate, Ed! Don't let it mess with your head. Think about your family," she urged him.Ed considered his Dad, the man that, despite how much he worked, had always made sure that he had time to talk to his son about whatever concerns the younger man had. His Mom had always been supportive as well, perhaps more indulgent than other mothers, but that was because she loved him. His mind flashed back to that morning weeks ago, when she had climbed into his lap and fucked his new alien cock, and felt ashamed."Ed! That wasn't you...it was the alien! He made you do that!" Kelly advised him.Ed despaired. He had had sex with so many women in the past few weeks, and before Perry, he had been a virgin! The alien had helped him, hadn't he? But he should never have had incestuous relations with his Mom, or his cousin Julie!There was a crash downstairs. They heard swearing, and then the thumping of Smolder's feet up the stairs. "Whatever you're going to do, Kelly, do it now! It's like Night of the Living Dead out here!"Kelly struggled to hold Perry still. "It has to go, Ed! There's too much at stake! You have to reject it. Think of something -- anything -- that you hate about all this!" She furrowed her brow in concentration.Ed's mind was whirling, and then he remembered Charisma, his dream woman. The one thing he had wanted, and he hadn't been able to fuck her because one of Perry's "drones" had gotten to her first. He...was angry...he was...Furious. He gritted his teeth. "Get...off...""Not until you agree...""Perry! Get off of me! Get off of my body, you fucker!"Kelly jumped to her feet. Ed grabbed the alien cock in both hands.*No, Ed! We can do amazing things together! Just let me be your penis!* Perry pleaded.Ed pulled and screamed. Perry shrieked in his head as the alien parasite slowly peeled away from between the young man's legs. The screaming continued as Ed's blood splashed to the floor between his legs, and then he finally ripped Perry free. He tottered for a moment, and then swooned and collapsed.Kelly grabbed Perry before he could slither away. "Gotcha!""Kelly! I'm gonna get killed by blue dickgirls!" Smolder yelled from the other side of the door. From the thumps, it sounded like he was being battered against it.She flipped open the silver briefcase, shoved Perry inside, and quickly closed the lid. There was a "shush" sound as the case sealed.There was immediate silence from the other side of the door. "Smolder?" Kelly called out.The door opened and her partner staggered in, beaten and bruised. "What the fuck just happened? They all collapsed." Then he took in the bloody mess on the floor. "Oh, shit...I'll call an ambulance." He pulled out his phone.---"Ed?""Five more minutes, Mom.""Ed Doughtry."Ed opened his eyes. Agent Kelly was there, pressing a towel to his crotch. "Oww FUCK!" he yelled in agony as he came back to reality."Sorry, Ed," she offered, her eyes still black. "I'm holding back the pain as best I can. I was really impressed with what you did with...Perry.""What...are you?""Think of me as an intergalactic policewoman, keeping the Earth safe from things like that parasite. Normally I'd have to take your memory of this event away, but I really need you to keep an eye out around here, in case we missed anything. Can you keep a secret, Ed?"Gritting his teeth, he nodded.She gave him a smile. "Good man. Perry's victims all passed out when I threw him into my shielded case, and the copies he made have disintegrated, too, without their master's direction. Their ex-hosts won't remember anything that happened after being infected, and I suspect Perry messed their memories of those encounters up enough so they won't recall what he made you do to them. Now I just have to adjust Smolder's memory so that he goes back to not believing in aliens, and..." She looked around. "Where is Smolder...?"Then she gasped. "...and the briefcase?"---"Ten inches! Woo!" Agent Smolder drove hard and fast away from town, his new penis settling in nicely between his legs.*I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Smolder,* Perry said. *Hey, do you smoke?*Epilogue:Over the next few weeks, several dozen women were surprised to miss their next period, with no recollection of how that really happened. Almost eight months later, a glut of births occurred in Ed's sleepy town. Of the ones that Ed and his mother personally had a hand in:Doctor Lintrell had a normal baby boy, though she never found out who "John Smith" was.Darla and her husband, the Doughtrys' next door neighbors, were very happy to finally be blessed with a little girl.Ed's Aunt Erin likewise birthed a little girl. Because Eve's alien testicle had been made from her own ovary, her sperm could only supply X chromosomes, not Y, so she only made girls.Cora, the retro grunge student, had a boy, and the unnamed redhead from the school's ladies' washroom had a girl.All of the babies except Doctor Lintrell's had a strange condition that caused their skin to have a slight blue tinge. Only time would tell what else would be different.The end? By Krosis for Literotica 

A paranormal investigation begins..by Krosis. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Ed finally gets Charisma alone. "Doctor Lintrell?"The brown-haired woman looked up from her desk and lowered her cats-eye glasses. "Yes? Do we have an appointment?"The short woman and tall man, both dressed in dark suits and also brown-haired, stepped into the office. The woman pulled out her identification. "You called us, Doctor. Agents Kelly and Smolder, Homeland Security.""Oh, yes, please close the door and have a seat. I wouldn't have called, but since the incident, I've been having nightmares -- flashbacks?"The agents sat. The man, Smolder, leaned forward, looking skeptical. "About a large blue penis?"The doctor flushed. "I thought it was nothing, but a week ago I missed my period, and I haven't had sex with anyone...well, anyone I remember, anyway. I tested myself and...I'm pregnant. The blue penis keeps popping up in my dreams, so I think someone hypnotized me, not that I used to believe in hypnosis, but..." She reached into her desk. "...then I found this." She held out a piece of paper.Kelly read it and then handed the paper to her partner. On it was the date from three weeks previous, some scribblings about a "John Smith", an unspecified problem with his penis, and the last thing written was, "Blue!""I don't remember writing that, agents, but it's definitely my handwriting."Smolder took a picture of the note with his phone and handed it back to the doctor. "John Smith, huh?"She looked nettled. "Obviously a fake name...I expect that he was embarrassed about his penis."Kelly nodded. "And you can't remember anything about this man, other than that?"Doctor Lintrell shook her head. "I'm sorry...my staff didn't even remember him. One thought that he might have had brown hair?"Smolder stood up. "Brown hair? We'll have this solved by lunch! Thanks, Doctor Lintrell." Then he turned on his heel and stomped out of the room."I'm sorry for my partner," Kelly said. "He's a bit of a skeptic."The doctor nodded. "You said you were Homeland Security? I called the local police."Kelly got to her feet. "We believe that this could be far bigger than a local issue." She drew closer and whispered, "Aliens."The doctor looked at her blankly. "You think 'John Smith' is Mexican?"Kelly frowned and sighed. "Something like that. We'll be in touch, Doctor."---Spring Break was over, and Ed was back in school. He was definitely not going to miss his chance at getting Charisma alone this time! When she asked the teacher if she could go to the washroom, Ed did the same a few minutes later.He caught the gorgeous blonde just as she was heading back to class. "Hey, Charisma! Can I talk to you?""You are talking to me," she replied dismissively, not stopping."I mean alone!"She paused and turned to him. "What for?""I...I have to show you something...you'll really love it!""I've heard That before..." Then she looked thoughtful, "though they were right. Okay, come on." She pulled Ed back into the women's washroom. "Well?""Just a sec," Ed said. He turned his back to her and let Perry out through his zipper before whirling back around. "Ta da!" he cried with a flourish."Oh," Charisma responded as she beheld his large blue alien penis.Ed paused. "Oh?"Charisma pulled her skirt up, surprising him. "Yeah, I already got one of those. Blue dick buddies!" She held out her fist.Ed was unable to tear his eyes away from the 4" blue penis hanging between her legs."Oh, c'mon! Don't leave me hangin'!"Ed slowly raised his arm and gave her the saddest fist bump ever."Okay, see ya!" Then she was gone, leaving Ed standing alone in the girls' washroom.*So...I guess we have something to discuss, Ed.* Perry said in his mind. *Sorry, buddy, one of my drones got into her over the holiday.*"Drones?"*Yeah...well, all that sex we've been having? It's been allowing me to 'spread my seed', so to speak. You know how you have one blue ball and one regular one? The blue one's mine, and it's been making drones; copies of me.*Ed's mind was overloading. Everyone he had sex with? "Muh...my Mom too?"*Oh, she's been great, just going to town on the locals, and then with her own sister...so hot!*"Aunt Erin?!"Just then the door opened and a pretty redheaded senior walked in. "Hey! What are you doing inn...here..." Her mind shut down as she saw Perry dancing in front of her, and she pulled her shirt off, revealing nice palm-sized breasts covered by a pink bra.*Time to have some fun, Ed!*"But...no..." Ed felt his body flush with desire for this young woman, Perry leading the way as he advanced on her.She pulled her skirt and pink panties down and then bent over the sink counter, presenting her puffy, rapidly moistening pussy to him."Perry...I don't wanna..." But Ed took a hold of the teenaged beauty's rounded hips and felt Perry slither inside her sultry vagina. "...oh..no..."*Hey, Ed, this one's fertile,* Perry advised him, noticing the telltale mucus as he slipped deeper inside. *You want me to let Pinky get all up in her?*Ed started to thrust. It was feeling really good. His mind seemed to be floating, strangely unconcerned about what was happening. "Pinky?"*That's what I named your remaining testicle. I can make my stuff shoot into her, or yours. Lemme know which when we get closer, huh?*"I...umm..." Ed unfastened the girl's bra, and her B-cups swung forward. His hands engulfed them, squeezing gently and making the mesmerized beauty gasp as he thrust into her."Uh-huhh..." she moaned as Ed started to tweak her wide nipples.He felt her pussy gripping him tightly. It was feeling really good now...*Time to choose, Ed! Pinky or Perry?*Ed continued to thrust. Why couldn't he think straight? he wondered.*Looks like I gave you a little too much happy juice, buddy. How about we give her both, and may the best man win?*"Uh! Ernh!" Ed was slamming into the girl now, and she was crying out with each hard thrust. He felt his load mustering in his loins, and then the pleasure rushed up his long shaft. He thrust hard and fast into the redhead until... "Ugh!" Ecstasy burst from the tip of his cock as he painted her unprotected pussy with a huge load of cum. "Ur!""Uck-ah!" she cried out as her own orgasm exploded from deep inside her pussy, where the combined load of Perry's blue and Ed's white sperm deluged her fertile depths. Perry pressed the tip of his head against her spasming cervix, and several spurts of their combined seed slipped straight through, invading her undiscovered country."Huh...huh..." Ed leaned down upon the girl, all of his energy gone."Umm...can'd breedh..." the girl groaned from under him.He pulled back, Perry slipping out from inside her and making them both gasp. "Oh, sorry," he offered.She looked down at all the sperm oozing out of her gaping pussy. "Oh shit, now I really really have to pee..." She ran into a stall and moaned as she let loose.Ed grabbed her clothes and handed them to her under the stall door."Thanks!""You're...welcome..." Ed shook his head, zipped up, and went back to class. Kelly and Smolder meet Ed.Ed was having trouble getting his head around it all. His new 10" blue penis, which was actually an alien parasite named Perry, was making copies of itself every time Ed had sex with someone! And then those copies had sex with others and made more copies! But whenever Ed tried to talk to Perry about it, he got distracted. He felt like Perry might be manipulating him, but then he got really tired and had to go take a nap.Homeland Security agents Kelly and Smolder were stumped trying to find the man with the blue penis that had allegedly hypnotized and impregnated a local doctor. "John Smith" was an obvious pseudonym, and the possibly brown-haired rapist had been so nondescript that it was futile to just canvass the area. The town wasn't large, but there were still several thousand residents, and there was also no guarantee that the mystery man hadn't visited the clinic from one of the neighboring suburbs."Hmm..." Kelly hummed as she consulted her phone."I know that 'hmm'," Smolder responded jokingly, "you found something.""A meteorite fell to Earth a few miles from here the night before 'John Smith' went to Doctor Lintrell's clinic," she revealed, holding her phone screen toward him.He didn't even look. "Oh God, aliens again? I keep telling you, there's no such thing, Kelly!""So you keep saying," she replied, "but do we have anything better to go on?"Ding dong!Ed woke up from his nap. "Mom?" he called out.Ding dong!Since his mother didn't seem to be home, Ed headed down and opened the front door, revealing a tall man and a short woman, dressed in dark suits."JOHN SMITH!" the man pointed a finger accusingly at Ed.Ed staggered back. That was the fake name that he had given at the clinic! How the hell had they found him?"Oh, enough, Smolder," the woman chastised him. "Are you going to yell that at every brown-haired male we come across?"The man smiled, chagrined. "You never know, right?"Ed tried to control his breathing. "Um...um...who are you? What do you want?"The woman showed him her ID. "Homeland Security agents Kelly and Smolder. May we come in?" Since Ed had already stepped back in shock, they stepped into the entryway without waiting for permission."Um, sure," Ed acquiesced as they closed the door behind them."Who are you, if not John Smith?" the man -- Smolder -- asked him, notebook in hand."Ed Doughtry, sir.""'Sir'...someone raised you right, Ed. Are your parents here?""Dad's delivering around town all day." Ed looked around. "I thought Mom was here, but she must have gone out." That was happening more and more often while his Dad was absent. He tried not to think of his mother fucking women all around town with her new blue penis, infecting them with more blue penises like Perry."We'd like to ask you about the meteorite that landed in your back forty, Mr. Doughtry," Agent Kelly asked."Meteorite? Sorry, I wasn't aware," Ed lied."It came down late at night a few weeks ago. You were probably asleep," she informed him. He nodded. "Can I have a look at the crash site?""Um, sure..."He watched the short woman head out the back door, leaving him alone with the imposingly tall Agent Smolder. Ed wished that she had stayed instead.Smolder gave him a disarming smile. "So, Ed...what's there to do for fun around here?"In the back of the town's only adult store, a fit dirty blonde sat in the blowjob booth as her latest customer blew his load down her throat. Lacey, 23 years old, hadn't been very effective at most of the jobs she'd had since barely graduating high school, but she was a born cocksucker. The man's average-sized cock retreated through the glory hole and she heard a muffled, "Thanks!" She put the two $20 bills that had preceded his cock into her purse.A minute or so later, another couple Jacksons were pushed through the hole, followed by a hard penis, and she paused to examine the schlong. The inside of the booth was dim so that the clientele couldn't identify her if they looked through the hole, but the 8" hard cock seemed...off, somehow. Still, it was a nice-sized member, so she took it into her mouth. A moan, of a higher pitch than expected, sounded from the other side of the wall. She continued to suck, and felt some precum slip into her mouth. She gulped it down.Lacey suddenly felt very hot. She had to get her clothes off and cool down! She quickly pulled off her tight jeans, and then let go of the cock to remove her t-shirt. Finally, shrugging, she doffed her panties and bra, freeing her B-cup breasts. That felt better, and the naked woman took the cock back in hand.Then she realized that her pussy was very wet. She didn't normally do this, but she felt hornier than she remembered being for a very long time. "Ooh, you're in for a treat, mister," she called out to her paramour as she turned, bent over, and backed herself onto that hard prong. The penis seemed to practically slither into her wanton depths, and she gasped in pleasure. She wondered if she had forgotten something important, but couldn't figure out what it was as it sat, unused, in its foil packet in her purse.She moaned as she pushed back, and that sizable member bottomed out inside her tight little body. Then she leaned forward as her lover pulled back, and they smashed their private parts back together on the downswing. That wonderful cock seemed to slide along her g-spot nicely as it went, and she was amazed at how well her lover was pleasuring her, as if that person somehow had intimate knowledge of a woman's inner workings. She was already close to orgasming.Then when they were fully joined again, the head of that wonderful cock rapping insistently at her cervix, she came. "Fuuuckk..." she moaned, shaking, her nipples incredibly hard.Her lover started to thrust faster and harder inside her, extending her orgasm. Her mind was trying to tell her that something important was about to happen. Well, of course it was, she told herself; the orgasm's the best part!"Ungh!"Lacey heard the high-pitched voice on the other side of the wall grunt, and felt that stupendous cock throb deep inside her. Then she felt a hot warmth suddenly permeate her core and came again, hard. "Huhh! Ohh wooow..." She pushed back onto the spurting cock, her co-opted instincts telling her to make sure that precious seed went as deep inside her as it could, and it did. A gush of blue-tinged semen splashed through her spasming cervix, where it began its journey of transformation deep inside the young woman.Eve Doughtry tucked her softening member back under her skirt and left through the glory hole room's door, surprising the shop owner as she went. She gave him a wink and headed home.Agent Kelly returned. "Unfortunately, there wasn't much left of the meteorite.""So, no aliens?" Smolder asked with a sardonic grin.Ed choked. "Uhh...aliens? Are you kidding?"*You rang?* Perry sounded in his head."Where the hell have you been?" Ed subvocalized."What was that?" Smolder asked."Just...wondering when my Mom's going to be home. She's been gone for a while."Kelly stepped forward and handed him a business card. "Please have her call me if she or your father were awake when the meteorite came down, or if they've seen anything...strange...okay, Mr. Doughtry?"*Oh, she's cute, Ed...kind of a hot nerd, don'tcha think?* Perry asked.Ed smiled at her and nodded, "Yep.""All right, we'll show ourselves out. Have a good day." Then they were gone."Perry, that was way too close!" Ed exclaimed.*Relax, Ed...if we can't beat 'em, she'll join us, and it looks like she's the smart one in that partnership. Problem solved.*Ed wondered. The teary ending.Agents Kelly and Smolder split up to interview the neighbors, with short, curvy Kelly trudging up the gravel path of a nearby farmhouse to knock on the front door.An attractive, shorter brunette woman opened it and gave the agent an assessing gaze. "Yes?"Kelly held up her ID. "Homeland Security, Agent Kelly, ma'am. I was wondering if you saw or heard the meteorite that came down a few weeks ago, or have you seen anything strange since?"The woman stood back and opened the door wide. "The meteorite? Why don't you come in and we can discuss it. I'm Darla, by the way.""Thank you." Kelly entered the house. "Oh, what a lovely home you have, Darl--"As the agent passed her, the housewife pushed her forward hard, causing Kelly to sprawl across the arm of the cushy couch with her butt in the air."--ahh!"In a flash, Darla was upon her, pushing up the agent's coat and pulling down her trousers. Darla's now 7" blue erection was ready.*Ha! Got her!* Perry announced in Ed's head."Got who?"*Agent Kelly! She went next door to Darla's, and...*"Aunt Darla too? Oh, Perry!"*Shit! What just happened?*"What?"*I lost contact with Darla...there's just nothing!*Ed had never heard Perry sound worried before. "Um..."*I'm calling in reinforcements.*"Coraaa...whyyy...?" Cora's mother moaned as her daughter ravaged her with her new 6" blue penis. The small retro grunge senior student had found her mother in bed, nursing a migraine, and insisted that she give her a massage to help. Once the older woman was relaxed, though, Cora had pounced. Once Perry's drone cock was inside her mother's pussy, there was no stopping her."I just gotta..." Cora responded, "...gotta...unhh..." She moved faster, slamming that blue cock harder into her Mom. "Gottaa...aaahhh!" she cried out as blue sperm blasted from the head of her cock, filling her mother's unprotected depths."Aahhh! Corrraaaa!!" her mother screamed as her own orgasm exploded from the hot, wet pressure filling her.Cora froze for a moment, pulled out quickly, and raced from the room, not even pausing to pull her baggy jeans back on.Around town, an assortment of women likewise stopped what they were doing and rushed to their vehicles, some carpooling with others, like Cora, who didn't drive. As one, they raced toward the Doughtry farm.A few minutes later, there was a banging on the front door.*Don't answer it, Ed!* Perry yelled in his head."That's not your reinforcements? What do I do?"*Out the back!*Ed rushed for the back door, but Agent Smolder kicked that in, gun drawn and pointed right at him."Ack!" Ed screeched, and automatically put his hands up."Open the front door, Ed," Smolder directed him, his pistol unwavering.He did, and Kelly walked in, holding a silver briefcase. She took Ed's arm. "Ed, I'm going to need you to take me to your bedroom.""Err, what's goin' on, Kelly?" Smolder asked as he put away his gun. "Is Ed here our guy?""That's what I'm going to find out. C'mon..." and she pulled Ed up the stairs to his room, Smolder following. She turned back to her partner. "Smolder, I'm going to need you to barricade the doors and windows. We might have unfriendly visitors soon. And don't shoot anyone!" Then she pulled Ed into his room and closed the door."Okay, I'll just be out here trying to unkick the back door, I guess?" Smolder called up cheekily.She dropped the silver briefcase onto his bed. "Pants off, Ed."*Stupid woman!* Perry exulted, *Now she's ours! Let's show her what we're made of, Ed.*Ed unzipped and Perry sprang out, dancing hypnotically before the short, sexy agent."There you are," Kelly said, her eyes turning entirely coal black.*No! What are they doing here?! Shit! Run, Ed!*Suddenly full of adrenaline, Ed dashed for the door, but Kelly was a step ahead of him, tripping him up and climbing astride him. She held his arms down as Perry battered at her trousers, trying to insert himself inside her.Her eyes were as black as pitch as she stared into his. "Ed, I need you to listen to me. I think you know, deep down, that this thing has been controlling you, but it won't let you realize it. I'm going to help with that, and you need to help me."There was the scrabbling sound of car tires on the driveway outside. "Uh, Kelly? I think we have company!" Smolder called out from downstairs."We don't have much time, Ed," Kelly advised him. "I need you to think about what was most important to you before this thing came into your life. Ack!" Perry had poked her right in her pussy through her trousers, so she grabbed the alien phallus with one hand while shifting a knee to keep Ed's arms immobile.Ed's mind felt odd, like he was waking up from a dream. Most important? Graduating school, meeting a woman, having sex with that woman, lots of sex...his cock throbbed in the agent's firm hand."Concentrate, Ed! Don't let it mess with your head. Think about your family," she urged him.Ed considered his Dad, the man that, despite how much he worked, had always made sure that he had time to talk to his son about whatever concerns the younger man had. His Mom had always been supportive as well, perhaps more indulgent than other mothers, but that was because she loved him. His mind flashed back to that morning weeks ago, when she had climbed into his lap and fucked his new alien cock, and felt ashamed."Ed! That wasn't you...it was the alien! He made you do that!" Kelly advised him.Ed despaired. He had had sex with so many women in the past few weeks, and before Perry, he had been a virgin! The alien had helped him, hadn't he? But he should never have had incestuous relations with his Mom, or his cousin Julie!There was a crash downstairs. They heard swearing, and then the thumping of Smolder's feet up the stairs. "Whatever you're going to do, Kelly, do it now! It's like Night of the Living Dead out here!"Kelly struggled to hold Perry still. "It has to go, Ed! There's too much at stake! You have to reject it. Think of something -- anything -- that you hate about all this!" She furrowed her brow in concentration.Ed's mind was whirling, and then he remembered Charisma, his dream woman. The one thing he had wanted, and he hadn't been able to fuck her because one of Perry's "drones" had gotten to her first. He...was angry...he was...Furious. He gritted his teeth. "Get...off...""Not until you agree...""Perry! Get off of me! Get off of my body, you fucker!"Kelly jumped to her feet. Ed grabbed the alien cock in both hands.*No, Ed! We can do amazing things together! Just let me be your penis!* Perry pleaded.Ed pulled and screamed. Perry shrieked in his head as the alien parasite slowly peeled away from between the young man's legs. The screaming continued as Ed's blood splashed to the floor between his legs, and then he finally ripped Perry free. He tottered for a moment, and then swooned and collapsed.Kelly grabbed Perry before he could slither away. "Gotcha!""Kelly! I'm gonna get killed by blue dickgirls!" Smolder yelled from the other side of the door. From the thumps, it sounded like he was being battered against it.She flipped open the silver briefcase, shoved Perry inside, and quickly closed the lid. There was a "shush" sound as the case sealed.There was immediate silence from the other side of the door. "Smolder?" Kelly called out.The door opened and her partner staggered in, beaten and bruised. "What the fuck just happened? They all collapsed." Then he took in the bloody mess on the floor. "Oh, shit...I'll call an ambulance." He pulled out his phone.---"Ed?""Five more minutes, Mom.""Ed Doughtry."Ed opened his eyes. Agent Kelly was there, pressing a towel to his crotch. "Oww FUCK!" he yelled in agony as he came back to reality."Sorry, Ed," she offered, her eyes still black. "I'm holding back the pain as best I can. I was really impressed with what you did with...Perry.""What...are you?""Think of me as an intergalactic policewoman, keeping the Earth safe from things like that parasite. Normally I'd have to take your memory of this event away, but I really need you to keep an eye out around here, in case we missed anything. Can you keep a secret, Ed?"Gritting his teeth, he nodded.She gave him a smile. "Good man. Perry's victims all passed out when I threw him into my shielded case, and the copies he made have disintegrated, too, without their master's direction. Their ex-hosts won't remember anything that happened after being infected, and I suspect Perry messed their memories of those encounters up enough so they won't recall what he made you do to them. Now I just have to adjust Smolder's memory so that he goes back to not believing in aliens, and..." She looked around. "Where is Smolder...?"Then she gasped. "...and the briefcase?"---"Ten inches! Woo!" Agent Smolder drove hard and fast away from town, his new penis settling in nicely between his legs.*I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Smolder,* Perry said. *Hey, do you smoke?*Epilogue:Over the next few weeks, several dozen women were surprised to miss their next period, with no recollection of how that really happened. Almost eight months later, a glut of births occurred in Ed's sleepy town. Of the ones that Ed and his mother personally had a hand in:Doctor Lintrell had a normal baby boy, though she never found out who "John Smith" was.Darla and her husband, the Doughtrys' next door neighbors, were very happy to finally be blessed with a little girl.Ed's Aunt Erin likewise birthed a little girl. Because Eve's alien testicle had been made from her own ovary, her sperm could only supply X chromosomes, not Y, so she only made girls.Cora, the retro grunge student, had a boy, and the unnamed redhead from the school's ladies' washroom had a girl.All of the babies except Doctor Lintrell's had a strange condition that caused their skin to have a slight blue tinge. Only time would tell what else would be different.The end? By Krosis for Literotica 

Hästpodden får ni följa Anna Wallberg, diplomerad C-tränare i dressyr & aktiv tävlingsryttare som till sällskap har Martin Georgou tränare & tävlingsryttare samt Farao Groth radioprofil och hobbyryttare. Tillsammans tar dem upp lyssnarfrågor och djupdyker i ridningens magiska värld. För kontakt och samarbeten info@ap-ridutveckling.seeller DM till @annawallberg på Instagram.

Emilia berättar om hur hon nyligen sov sig igenom en jordbävning och om sin nya häst i USA. Cecilia har varit med ett helt gäng 3-åringar på unghästtest. Dessutom bjuds vi på en dramatisk berättelse från Falsterbo Horse Show. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

C-B-A tävlingar en rätt bra grej egentligen !Bin ladens kusiner..Nations hoppningar.Arbete fortsätter efter tävling.Unghästar i kimstad att hålla ögonen på !Och mycket mer !

Unghästträning! Det livsavgörande... Eller? Gaia, Elna och Karolina berättar om sina unghästresor och tankar. Vi snuddar vid allt från inridning till träningsstruktur, lek och belöningsformer. Praktiska idéer och upplägg utlovas!

Dr Trigona Negativ Förstärkning .Unghäst klasser som är otroligt tekniska.Saker du aldrig kommer att höra.När man inte tänker till.ELI5  förklara välfärdsextrimister tankesätt.Och Mycket mer.

Övertygad om att unghäst lopp på V75 skulle öka intressnet by Travtjänsten

Em betyg på alla de svenske prestationer.Analyser om Sveriges medaljchanser.Veckans övning.Doping problem .Unghästars utbildning .Och mycket mer !

I början av augusti avgjordes årets unghäst-VM i dressyr i holländska Ermelo och SWB gjorde sitt bästa unghästmästerskap i dressyr någonsin med både en seger i kvalet, en rad hästar i finalerna och fina placeringar! Gäst i podden är lagets Chef d'Equipe Nina Känsäla som ger oss ger oss sin spaning från tävlingarna med både highlights, hur det går till och vad som faktiskt händer bakom kulisserna.  Fullstäninga resultat från UVM i dressyr hittar du HÄR. Trevlig lyssning!

Det är många nya lyssnare så om du är ny eller lyssnar ett tag, Välkommen. Det finns så många bra avsnitt med härligt gäster så jag tänkte att det kunde vara kul att göra ett best of avsnitt med några av mina favoritklipp från podden. Så i detta avsnitt får du lyssna på kloka ord från flera gäster från podden: #98 Svensk Hästrehab svarar på era frågor del 2 #97 Peter Härnstam #116 Två generationer kvinnliga hovslagare #109 Norah Kohle #114 Ponnyexpressen #106 Unghästtester med Camilla Axelsson #110 Veterinär Anne Haglund, Saxtorps Hästklinik

Det är många nya lyssnare så om du är ny eller lyssnar ett tag, Välkommen. Det finns så många bra avsnitt med härligt gäster så jag tänkte att det kunde vara kul att göra ett best of avsnitt med några av mina favoritklipp från podden. Så i detta avsnitt får du lyssna på kloka ord från flera gäster från podden: #98 Svensk Hästrehab svarar på era frågor del 2 #97 Peter Härnstam #116 Två generationer kvinnliga hovslagare #109 Norah Kohle #114 Ponnyexpressen #106 Unghästtester med Camilla Axelsson #110 Veterinär Anne Haglund, Saxtorps Hästklinik

Här är ett klipp från intervjun med Mattias Djuse i avsnitt 151.  Vi får höra om varför Mattias startar fler ston än hingstar som tvååringar, om Kayla Westwoods försäljning och om vad som krävs av personalen för att träna unghästar. Observera att programmet spelades in innan Frustration startade i Svensk Uppfödningslöpning. Programledare: Anders Malmrot och Markus Myron

Äntligen hoppning! Unghästutbildaren och svårklassryttaren Helena Torstensson med mångårig erfarenhet från internationell avel, hingstar och hoppsport gästar podden. Hon var på plats vid både unghäst-VM i hoppning och SWB Equestrian Weeks hoppvecka och vi diskuterar och reflekterar bland annat över vilka hingstlinjer som dominerar, hur banorna och upplägget ser ut i Lanaken, vilka förberedeler det krävs för att lyckas på UVM och förstås Breeders-vinnarna och elitfölauktionen för hoppfölen!

Unghäst-VM i dressyr avgjordes nyligen i holländska Ermelo och våra SWB-hästar gjorde bra ifrån sig! Gustaf var på plats och Bettan följde på hemmaplan och i det här avsnittet tar de oss igenom resultatlistorna, SWB-hästarnas prestationer och vilka trender de anar!

Radio Mises återvänder! Magnus sitter ner med ordförande Nikodemus för att först få en uppdatering kring Misesinstitutets arbete. Med ett val alldeles inför dörren eftersöks även ett svar på frågan "kan man rösta som libertarian?" vilket Nikodemus tryggt avhandlar. Vi diskuterar också vad tyckte Murray Rothbard, Misesinstitutets grundare, tyckte om röstande. Rothbard var ju med i uppstarten av det amerikanska politiska partiet Libertarian Party, men varför tog han efter några år istället avstånd? För att delta i Misesakadademin under hösten, kontakta Nikodemus Ung på facebook eller skicka ett mail till Nikodemus.Ungh@mises.se.

A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts.  disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg  (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington -  Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson   No gunshots herald his approach.  No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. ******************************************************************   Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM Largest town I been near in a good passel of time.  I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW Will it be safe? LEM Safe? FANSHAW I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns.  For ... notoriety's sake. LEM Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party?  'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory.  FANSHAW Is it worth the risk? LEM [shrug noise]  Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM [laughs]    I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more.  Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW [rolling eyes]  Yes, yes. LEM Sides, I'm outta coffee.  And low on shells.  FANSHAW [teasing] Heavens.  How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB IN TOWN SOUND WALKING ON WOOD LEM Lotta trade hereabouts.  Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW Lem!  LEM [voice low]    We'll go on over yonder.  [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance.  FANSHAW I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind.  LEM Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW I say.  Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM [shrug] Three weeks.  Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW I'll-- LISETTE [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE [off a bit] Clary?  I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW [stiff, covering]  Old acquaintance.  Go on ahead! LEM 3_SALOON SOUND HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB SALOON LEM One here. SOUND DRINK POURED BARTENDER There you go. SOUND COINS SOUND LEM DRINKS GRISHAM [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER Something wrong, fella? LEM [coughing, trying to clear his throat]    Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER [sympathetic] Tarnation.  You need it yonked?  Barber can‑‑ LEM [finally getting clear] No, no.  I kin handle it.  SOUND COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM   And sorry about the-- BARTENDER [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND MORE COINS LEM Give me the bottle. GRISHAM Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM 4_LISETTE AMB OUTSIDE LISETTE [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you!  Mustache and all.  Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE Oh, how formal.  Just like at school.  What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE And we used to be such chums.  However did you end up here? FANSHAW I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that!  You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE [not amused any more]  At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW Jolly good.  Happy you're dead.  Must get along. LISETTE Don't run off so quickly, Clary!  FANSHAW [long breath of self-control]  LISETTE There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages.  FANSHAW How unfortunate.  Must rush. LISETTE I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW [quiet] Bloody hell.  [up]  I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE I'm sure.  But he replied.  Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW I-- LISETTE Oh, just watch your face!  You're trying desperately to come up with a lie!  You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW Stop calling me that. LISETTE Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap.  I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend.  FANSHAW [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB SALOON SOUND LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM [low] Sit. GRISHAM What makes you think I'd sit with you?  You done went and killed me! LEM That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you.  You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM I ... drifted. LEM That's just what's got me hornswoggled.  Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM [sigh] SOUND DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND PIGS LEM Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW That woman - ghost woman. LEM An old flame? FANSHAW Nonsense!  We knew each other as ... children.  She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here.  LEM Spect not.  Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW [disgusted] Yes... LEM So?  You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW Lisette Carmichael.  She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things.  About other people.  She likes to -- LEM Hold a grudge?  Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW Aptly put.    LEM You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you?  Leastways not no more. FANSHAW You might be surprised. LEM Who's she a-gonna tell?  [realizes] Oh.  FANSHAW And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my  part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you.  Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM [after a moment]  Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW What? LEM Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW   It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW What? LEM Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW You would leave?  Over this? LEM I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return.  SOUND WALKING IN MUD LEM Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB BARN SOUND TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM You distract her, I'll get the gear.  Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW Righty-ho.  SOUND LEAVES GRISHAM Running away, eh?  Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM [sigh]  You're lucky ain't no one about but us.  Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM You kilt me! LEM We had it out, fair and square.  I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up]  I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me.  Not on purpose. SOUND LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards.  Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM I din't do THAT to you neither.  You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM By shooting the Kid?  You ain't the first. GRISHAM But you still kilt me. LEM And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more.  Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me.  Hee-yaw! SOUND RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW Lisette? LISETTE There you are!  Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW So sorry.  Didn't have much choice.  My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE Did you make a clean breast of it?  Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say?  FANSHAW You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did.  LISETTE So bothered over trifles!  How much people change! FANSHAW Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you!  Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE Carmela?  Served her right.  FANSHAW She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE She also let herself be compromised!  I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right?  A champion of truth? LISETTE Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW History is replete with-- LISETTE Oh, spare me.  Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW Very well.  I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed.  Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings.  LISETTE [outraged] I--?  You--! FANSHAW Kindly allow me to finish.  There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved.  Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE No doubt.  I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW [strange gasp, ending on a laugh]  No, but I think I shall. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING         Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND HORSES WALKING LEM I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW How odd.  Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW And we know the how and why of that.  Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM How?  And who with?  Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed.  Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself.  LEM Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune.  When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW [chagrined] Oh.  MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK NOTE Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB SALOON LEM Gimme two. SOUND CARDS LEM [pleased noise]  I'll see you and raise-- SOUND CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM Your call. PLAYER1 [shaky] Um...  I fold. LEM [chuckles] PATRON1 How can he--? Patron2 Shh! SOUND HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM [heavy menace]  You the deadeye kid? LEM [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards.  Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM [long dramatic sigh]  Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1 [muttered] Uh, yeah.  I'm done.  Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles.  Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM Now! LEM [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER .. certainly. GRISHAM I'll do it!  I will! SOUND CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM Rightchere in front of all these good folks?  And leave the dealer to clean up the mess?  [tsks]  Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC BACK TO NOW SOUND HORSES WALKING FANSHAW Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Shooting someone in the back. LEM And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over.  Ain't no pride in the easy way.  FANSHAW Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM Are you stepping? LEM What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes?  Milk?  [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM [furious noise]  I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you.  SOUND DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM Barkeep?  Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM   Yup.  There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown.  Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW Why not?  He called you out. LEM He was halfway round on rotgut.  Not a nugget's chance agin me.  Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW But you stepped out with him?  Even knowing he had no chance? LEM A'course.  He wouldn't take no.  Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone.  I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you.  And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so.  You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.  That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM You ready? LEM Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow?  I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM [duh] Yep.  [beat] That's your sole entire reason?  You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM And o'course it gots to be a callout.  [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford.  [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM Come on!  Kick it up, Deadeye!  Less'n yer yellow! SOUND LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM [maddenginly cool] Oh.  I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND G - BODY DROP SOUND LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER.  A MOMENT.  FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC BACK TO NOW FANSHAW [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM Have to ice over that pond.  Hard and cold.  Hard and cold. FANSHAW I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving.  I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW But men can behave in a civilized manner!  Look at we Brits. LEM [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW Do you enjoy it? LEM [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM   [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time.  FANSHAW The thrill of danger? LEM That, but even more so.  If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs.  This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it.  Kill or be killed.  [beat, then not quite truthful]  Enjoy?    FANSHAW Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC FLASH BACK AMB INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN [gasps] SOUND [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM [voiceover]  there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best.  Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER Your shot, Mister. LEM [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC BACK TO NOW LEM [brisk] It's coming down dusk.  Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Look - the horizon! LEM Signal fires, and a lot of em.  FANSHAW They're a little far off to get a better look at.  We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM Someone's gotta warn the town.  Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM Not so much that I saw.  They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there.  FANSHAW [heavy sigh]  Right, then.  SOUND DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW She's neither a lady nor a friend.  But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me.  [change of tone]  We are a couple of hours out. LEM Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin.  We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND READYING FOR BATTLE LEM If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER You've done enough already, stranger.  Ain't even your fight. LEM I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there.  Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM That's fine.  Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone.  FANSHAW [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE   I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to.  [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town.  I'm still not sure how you did that.  Or why you came back. FANSHAW We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious.  Fanshaw, dear old chum.  Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE [surprised laugh]  Hah!  All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air!  And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out.  Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it.  We have a job to do. LISETTE Wait! FANSHAW [long sigh]  Yes? LISETTE Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW I doubt I shall need any.  But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND POUNDING LISETTE Oh heavens!  Not again! MAN [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND POUNDING STOPS LISETTE Try that scene again from the top.  Romeo? FANSHAW [sigh] Yes? LISETTE Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET Oh, I like "him".  So terribly byronic. FANSHAW I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY Sir? LEM Yeah? SCOTTY Private Scott.  Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM [sigh] Right.  You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY O'course. LEM Against a person? SCOTTY Well, against animals. LEM GRISHAM Not everyone can be you. LEM [sighs] SCOTTY Don't you worry!  I ain't afraid! GRISHAM This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet.  You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM   Right.  You gotta horse? SCOTTY Over there. GRISHAM [rueful] My damn horse.  Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets.  LEM Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY Right, sir! GRISHAM Ain't he a little young?  You should oughtta throw him back. LEM I'm stuck with him.  And I never kept notches. GRISHAM That ain't what I heered. LEM Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY Tell me about what?  Injuns?  [certain] I know all about them. LEM [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB CRICKETS SOUND HORSES FANSHAW They're still out of range.  I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM Hmm? FANSHAW I can make out English and Spanish.  Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM [quiet] Ain't impossible.  Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY What ain't impossible? LEM We're gettin close.  Best to go on foot.  SCOTTY These here horses are my responsibility! LEM Best you stay and watch'em, then.  FANSHAW Don't forget the satchel. SOUND CREAK LEM Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin!  I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW [laughs]  I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND REMOVING SPURS LEM Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things.  If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there.  You reckon? SCOTTY How'll you find us? LEM I'll find you.  Just be ready.  And don't shoot me. SOUND QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK echoey hallway LISETTE [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW LISETTE [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume.  Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers.  Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE Perhaps plain trousers, then.  [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement.  [dismissive] But a costume is a costume.  I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW I'll have a look round.  SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM Ooh!  Scairt you, din't I? LEM [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM [smug and evil] Well that's good, then.  Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM What all do you want? GRISHAM Apart from you in a pine box?  I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM Not likely, nope.  How'd you follow us? GRISHAM What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW Who the devil is this? GRISHAM Who the devil are you? LEM What'd ya find out? FANSHAW A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle.  GRISHAM What kinda girlie man are ya?  Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW We need to get moving. GRISHAM I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND KNIFE FANSHAW [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM FANSHAW Marquis of Queensbury be damned.  We need to go. GRISHAM [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM What'd you do to him? FANSHAW I didn't!  I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea?  8_JULIET3 SOUND TAP ON DOOR LISETTE Fanshaw? FANSHAW Come in. LISETTE I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW I was considering what I might do with my hair.  To create the right ilusion. LISETTE That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW I prefer not.  It looks like an ottoman on my head.  LISETTE And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW Whyever not? LISETTE On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE That is the final straw!  Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW What? LISETTE That you would take too many liberties.  You are out. FANSHAW Out? LISETTE [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW I don't see anyone.  .. hostile. SOUND QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM What is--  [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW I don't doubt it. SCOTTY And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM [heavy sigh]  CLOSING       Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM Good thing I had that with me.   Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW Of course. SCOTTY I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son.  And you been punished enough. SCOTTY What do you mean?  They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW I'll deal with him. LEM I'll leave you to it.  SCOTTY What are you doing? LEM Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns.  You gon' be all right? SOUND RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place.  Especially in the dark. SCOTTY Can't do anything?  What are you talking about?  FANSHAW Hush, Scotty.  Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM Where the hell?   [Thunder?]!  Goddam rustlers!  SOUND MEN WALK BY LEADER Two horses, two saddles.  I don't like it. SECOND Guerrero had the kid down before we realized.  But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough.   LEADER [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND We're nearly ready.  3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY [trying not to cry] So that's IT?  I mean this is it?  No nothing left?  No heaven? FANSHAW There are so many things even I don't understand.  I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW Most do.  And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW [uncomfortable] Oh, dear.  That is a shame. SCOTTY What's it like? FANSHAW [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY Being with a woman? FANSHAW ... 4_RUNNING LEM [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM [muttered] Dammit.  Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK SOUND NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS [yelling, off]  Leastways, there's a good moon!  PIEDMONT [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS [off, yelling]  Spread out!  Don't let that traitor get away!  Where's that rope? PIEDMONT [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you?  You been all over the place! FANSHAW Oh dear.  [up]  I've spent most of my life deep in study.  I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all.  SCOTTY Me too.  Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW [after a moment]  Women are.... soft. SCOTTY [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW And round.  In places where men aren't. SCOTTY But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW [flabbergasted]  What? SCOTTY You never don't see none of them out of skirts!  Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men.  Arms, legs, heads - well, one head.  You understand. SCOTTY [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW   Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT Shh!  Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT There is no call to use such language, boy.  Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM I should hope I do!  My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM [pride] Yup. SOUND OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS [outside]  Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM I don't fancy getting whupped.  I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night.  8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW I was in love.  When I was very young. SCOTTY Was she really purtty? FANSHAW [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face.  Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW Our parents objected.  They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY What didja do? FANSHAW I waited.  I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY You waited on a rock? FANSHAW I waited at school.  I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY What happened? FANSHAW I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY Yes? FANSHAW That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY She'd gone and -- FANSHAW My "dearest love" had married another.  Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY Damn!  Women are right terrible. FANSHAW Don't fault women, boy.  There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men.  We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT YOUNG LEM Why?  What for? PIEDMONT We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM You mean the war?    My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS There he is! MAN Get him! PIEDMONT [scream] SOUND SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW   We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY How'd it work? FANSHAW Work? SCOTTY I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW I don't know that I have an answer for you.  I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY Years?  You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW .. help people.  And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety.  11_SHOT SOUND LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir!  My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take.   YOUNG LEM [gasp]  Pa? SOUND GUNSHOT SOUND TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on.  SCOTTY Business?  I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW No, no.  For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY   I spose that could happen. FANSHAW Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW [cheering]  Or, when the town has been warned.  That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY [wailing] Oh no!  FANSHAW Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY What if it's ladies? FANSHAW [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward.  Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS   Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS YOUNG LEM In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS   [beat]  You asking something? YOUNG LEM What if he'd'a kilt me?  Or what if you did? ROBERTS [long pause]  Life's hard, boy.  You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM SOUND BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS Lem?  YOUNG LEM [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY It ain't fair!  I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW Life is not fair.  Death even less so.  SCOTTY I-- FANSHAW [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer.  SCOTTY Answer? FANSHAW Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY   And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW What about me? SCOTTY Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW   But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY No?  Why? FANSHAW I still have many things to see.  And I feel like I'm doing good here.  There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY That's crazy talk. FANSHAW That's why it's a story.  In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY All right.  Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW A talking bug, but yes, a bug.  SCOTTY That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW   [gasp]  Look at the horizon!  I think they are on the move! SCOTTY Is there something we can do? FANSHAW This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER [commands]  We need more shot at the western boundary!  Get someone over there! SOLDIER Yessir! SOUND FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2 Sir!  Someone's coming!  On foot! COMMANDER On foot?  SENTRY [off] Halt! LEM [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop...  I'm gon fall down...  And I gotta get to...  The commander. SENTRY Stop, I say! COMMANDER Let him on through. LEM They're a-movin.  Deserters 'n comancheros.  Have guns.  COMMANDER Why are you-- LEM Kilt Scotty.  Took the horses.  Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND FALLS DOWN COMMANDER Are you all right?  [up] Someone get Doc! LEM I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY We got to do something! FANSHAW And just what do you have in mind?  I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem.  By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY Can't we spook the horses or nothing?  That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW I was with you the entire trip out from town.  Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY [really down] No. FANSHAW If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him.  Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC Can you get yourself around this? LEM [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC [shrug] Mostly brandy.  LEM [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE Oh, goodness.  I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend.  LEM [coughs] DOC Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM [hawks, spits, clear throat]  Hits the spot.  LISETTE [calculating] And not able to walk away.  [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them.  You up fer it? LEM Will be... shortly.  Any chance of a mite to eat?  It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW We've come across... others.  But they are very rare. SCOTTY [yelling] I want to DO something!  I want to help! FANSHAW There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus!  I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY But I-- GRISHAM [off]  Will you two shut up?  They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW Oh dear.  Come along. SCOTTY Where? FANSHAW To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND MEN READY TO GO SOUND MOUNT UP LEM [sigh of relief, but also soreness]  COMMANDER You doing all right, there, feller? LEM Better saddle than boots.  I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set.  Least we can do.  Let's go. SOUND HORSES MOVE OUT LEM Commander? COMMANDER Hmm? LEM Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER This town is not a good place for that.  Too spread out.  And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out.  Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER I like the way you think, hombre.  [up] Company!  [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND PUNCH FANSHAW [casual] shut up. SCOTTY That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW Leave him!  [quiet, moving away]  We can't actually be hurt.  But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to.  I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW Blast!  He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW How? SCOTTY Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM oof! SCOTTY Better'n pie!  You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM [muttered] Fanshaw?    Too far out.  COMMANDER What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM Nothing much to speak of.  Some hills.  A ridge off to the north where first we saw them.  No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER   Cain't let this sort of thing go.  LEM Course not.  COMMANDER You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM   Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER You're sure he's ... dead? LEM I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER [sad] That's too bad. LEM Kin? COMMANDER   LEM [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW Looks like about three score.  Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night.  Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK AMB BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA Stop calling me that, nanny!  I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY You'll always be my little bunny bug.  Oh!  Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head?  [gasp of fear]  Did you hurt yourself?  Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA No!  I am a pirate. NANNY Do not be so silly.  There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA Of course there are.  They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA Well not just NOW.  When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER Did you see how big a force they had? LEM Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought.  At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER [skeptical] Really? LEM They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER [considers, then agrees] No, you don't.  LEM 'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER [chuckles]  Sound thinking.  [up]  Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY [pleased] You tired yet, feller?  I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM [tired] You little whippersnapper!  Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead.  More than he will ever know.  [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1 Hey!  I found something! SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW [worried] Damn!  Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2 What? SECOND Silence! RUFFIAN2 [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1 Split it?  Nonsense!  It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway.  Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB Yessir! LEM If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite.  COMMANDER You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM [shrug] Someone's gotta.  'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER Valuables? LEM Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY Mister Fanshaw!  That fellow just vanished!  Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY Why? FANSHAW I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag.  Now that it has been found... SCOTTY Why?  Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW   There's something in there - Oh!  It's moving.  Stay with me as long as you can.  SCOTTY Why can't I--? FANSHAW Shh!  [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there.  And you are on the other end. SCOTTY Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW Basically, yes.  You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW Yes!  [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA I am going to be a pirate!  I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY Stealing is very wicked.  YOUNG CLARA But you can't be a pirate without stealing!  Then you're just a sailor! NANNY And young ladies do not become pirates.  Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA Or nannies. NANNY [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug.  You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA I should rather be a nanny.  Mummies are boring.  Nannies have things to do. NANNY [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate!  I want to see the world! NANNY [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA Then I want to be a boy! END     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM I kin look after myself.  Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy.  I best get a move on. COMMANDER One thing. LEM Yeah? COMMANDER One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM [down] Oh. COMMANDER And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM I- COMMANDER [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous.  Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM I kin only do my best. SOUND WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW RUFFIAN2 [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1 [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2 [whisper]  Heavy is good!  Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1 Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW Such stimulating conversation.  I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay.  3_TALLYHO SOUND STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM   [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off.  And ridin. FANSHAW [distant]  Tally-ho!  LEM [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW Halloooooo!  Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM What the devil?  [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW [muffled noises] SOUND STRUGGLING GRISHAM Oh, no you don't!  SOUND MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me.  Long as I ignore it.  But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW [noise of effort] GRISHAM [ouch!] Hey!  You bit me!  FANSHAW Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM   [disgusted noise] FANSHAW [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid--  [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW [noise of effort] SOUND STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM You're a-- ?  FANSHAW You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM what the hell?  A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER [commanding, but quiet]  They're coming! SOUND [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER [a bit superior]  I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw.  6_PLAN DOS LEADER Shots? SECOND Sir? LEADER   Someone has seen.  Get El puerco and his fellows.  Tell them plan dos. SECOND Plan dos, sir? LEADER They'll circle south and get behind the town.  We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND Yessir! SOUND RUNS OFF SCOTTY [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW [distant but closer, yelling] Lem!  That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM [muttered] Damn.  And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM [very quietly] 30...?  Nearer fifty.  That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND SHOTS!  (where the horses went to) LEM [muttered to self] hold on.  SOUND NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM [muttered] almost... GRISHAM There you are! LEM [sharp intake of breath]  That don't work on me twice.  Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM Oh, that girly friend of your'n?  Funny thing about that-- SOUND GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM Good riddance.  And jest in time. SOUND BEGINS SHOOTING MaN [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER [roaring now] Hold the lines!  More shot, boy! BOY Yessir! MAN [hit, argh!] COMMANDER Stay low! FANSHAW All seems rather well here.  GRISHAM There you are. FANSHAW Bloody hell. GRISHAM [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND RELOADING SOUND NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM That's nine.  SOUND SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY [distant, yelling] Someone!  They're circling round!  There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM   [listens for a second]  Fanshaw?  Damn.  SCOTTY [yelling]  Please!  Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse.  [chuckles]  dead don't get hoarse.  But I gotta get one.  [clucks to horse] SOUND HORSE BLOWS LEM [grunts as he swings into the saddle]  Come on. FANSHAW [a bit distant] Lem? LEM Wazzat?  There you are! FANSHAW Close as I can get just now, and can't stay.  That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM Grisham?  FANSHAW The commander seems to be holding well.  The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM   Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW What message? LEM Just try and tell the boy.  So he can rest hisself.  [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW Scotty?  Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER This is no time to be peaceable.  They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND HORSE APPROACHING LEM [distant] Commander! COMMANDER Let him through.  [up, to Lem]  Looks like we've got nearly all of them.  SOUND GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM [to horse] Whoah!  I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind.  COMMANDER My god! LEM Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER You, boy! BOY Yessir? COMMANDER Bring my horse, quickly! LEM You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts.  My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM Sound thinkin.  I have been going a bit. COMMANDER Corporal? CORPORAL [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW Lem?  I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance.  Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND LEM DISMOUNTS LEM Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints.  I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL Excellent!  FANSHAW I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM Found you! FANSHAW Oh, damn!  GRISHAM You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW [hits out] GRISHAM [ungh!] FANSHAW Have to get him out of here, Lem.  Too distracting. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [laughs triumphantly]  Coward!  But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM What? LEM You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet.  You hear me? GRISHAM [all the bluster gone]  LEM   I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND GUNSHOT LEM [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM Hah!  I still gotcha! LEM [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up?  CORPORAL [commanding] Men! SOUND MORE GUNSHOTS LEM [groan] SOUND BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END   NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER Hold on, there, fellow. LEM [vague] all's well? COMMANDER We got em. LEM My pack? COMMANDER I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR Bite down on this.  He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them.  You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN Just a little bit of broth, mister.  You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM [annoyed moan] FANSHAW You're awake. LEM [quiet]  Anyone--? FANSHAW Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM   I been shot? FANSHAW At least twice, judging by the bandages.  Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say.  I should have been watching. LEM [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin.   FANSHAW [awkward pause, then stiffly]  Should I ...go? LEM Go?  go where? FANSHAW [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace.  To rest.  I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM [straining a bit]  Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM [satisfied]  FANSHAW I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW LEM Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW [bracing breath]  LEM [exasperated snort]  Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW LEM [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW So she did--? LEM [shrug]    So? FANSHAW [surprised] So? LEM You cain't be the first. FANSHAW First? LEM Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW .. don't? LEM 'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants.  FANSHAW What? END    

A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts.  disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg  (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington -  Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson   No gunshots herald his approach.  No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. ************************************************************* Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND     HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM    Largest town I been near in a good passel of time.  I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW    Will it be safe? LEM    Safe? FANSHAW    I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns.  For ... notoriety's sake. LEM    Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party?  'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory.  FANSHAW    Is it worth the risk? LEM    [shrug noise]  Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW    There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM    [laughs]  Ayup.  I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more.  Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW    [rolling eyes]  Yes, yes. LEM    Sides, I'm outta coffee.  And low on shells.  FANSHAW    [teasing] Heavens.  How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB    IN TOWN SOUND    WALKING ON WOOD LEM    Lotta trade hereabouts.  Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW    Lem!  Soldiers. LEM    [voice low]  Right.  We'll go on over yonder.  [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance.  FANSHAW    I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind.  LEM    Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND    SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW    I say.  Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM    [shrug] Three weeks.  Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW    I'll-- LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW    [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary?  I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM    Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW    [stiff, covering]  Old acquaintance.  Go on ahead! LEM    Right. 3_SALOON SOUND    HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB    SALOON LEM    One here. SOUND    DRINK POURED BARTENDER    There you go. SOUND    COINS SOUND    LEM DRINKS GRISHAM    [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM    [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND    GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER    Something wrong, fella? LEM    [coughing, trying to clear his throat]  Toothache.  Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM    You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER    [sympathetic] Tarnation.  You need it yonked?  Barber can‑‑ LEM    [finally getting clear] No, no.  I kin handle it.  SOUND    COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM    Another.  And sorry about the-- BARTENDER    [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND    MORE COINS LEM    Give me the bottle. GRISHAM    Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER    You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM    Ayup. 4_LISETTE AMB    OUTSIDE LISETTE    [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you!  Mustache and all.  Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW    [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE    Oh, how formal.  Just like at school.  What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW    "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE    And we used to be such chums.  However did you end up here? FANSHAW    I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE    [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that!  You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW    Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE    [not amused any more]  At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW    Jolly good.  Happy you're dead.  Must get along. LISETTE    Don't run off so quickly, Clary!  FANSHAW    [long breath of self-control]  LISETTE    There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages.  FANSHAW    How unfortunate.  Must rush. LISETTE    I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW    [quiet] Bloody hell.  [up]  I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE    I'm sure.  But he replied.  Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW    I-- LISETTE    Oh, just watch your face!  You're trying desperately to come up with a lie!  You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW    Stop calling me that. LISETTE    Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap.  I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend.  FANSHAW    [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB    SALOON SOUND    LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM    I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND    CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM    [low] Sit. GRISHAM    What makes you think I'd sit with you?  You done went and killed me! LEM    That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you.  You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM    I ... drifted. LEM    That's just what's got me hornswoggled.  Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM    Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM    [sigh] SOUND    DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND    PIGS LEM    Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW    That woman - ghost woman. LEM    An old flame? FANSHAW    Nonsense!  We knew each other as ... children.  She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here.  LEM    Spect not.  Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW    [disgusted] Yes... LEM    So?  You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW    Lisette Carmichael.  She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things.  About other people.  She likes to -- LEM    Hold a grudge?  Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW    Aptly put.  Yes.  LEM    You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you?  Leastways not no more. FANSHAW    You might be surprised. LEM    Who's she a-gonna tell?  [realizes] Oh.  FANSHAW    And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my  part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you.  Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM    [after a moment]  Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW    What? LEM    Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW    No.  It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM    [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW    What? LEM    Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW    You would leave?  Over this? LEM    I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return.  SOUND    WALKING IN MUD LEM    Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB    BARN SOUND    TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM    You distract her, I'll get the gear.  Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW    Righty-ho.  SOUND    LEAVES GRISHAM    Running away, eh?  Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM    [sigh]  You're lucky ain't no one about but us.  Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM    You kilt me! LEM    We had it out, fair and square.  I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up]  I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me.  Not on purpose. SOUND    LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM    Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM    I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards.  Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM    Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM    I din't do THAT to you neither.  You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM    [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND    LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM    By shooting the Kid?  You ain't the first. GRISHAM    But you still kilt me. LEM    And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more.  Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me.  Hee-yaw! SOUND    RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW     Lisette? LISETTE    There you are!  Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW    So sorry.  Didn't have much choice.  My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE    Did you make a clean breast of it?  Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say?  FANSHAW    You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did.  LISETTE    So bothered over trifles!  How much people change! FANSHAW    Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you!  Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE    Carmela?  Served her right.  FANSHAW    She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE    She also let herself be compromised!  I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW    Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right?  A champion of truth? LISETTE    Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW    History is replete with-- LISETTE    Oh, spare me.  Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW    Very well.  I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed.  Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE    Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW    [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings.  LISETTE    [outraged] I--?  You--! FANSHAW    Kindly allow me to finish.  There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved.  Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE    No doubt.  I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW    [strange gasp, ending on a laugh]  No, but I think I shall. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING         Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB    OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND    HORSES WALKING LEM    I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW    How odd.  Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM    Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW    And we know the how and why of that.  Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM    How?  And who with?  Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW    Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM    Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW    [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed.  Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself.  LEM    Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW    [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune.  When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM    Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW    [chagrined] Oh.  MUSIC     FOR FLASHBACK NOTE    Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB    SALOON LEM    Gimme two. SOUND    CARDS LEM    [pleased noise]  I'll see you and raise-- SOUND    CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM    [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM    [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER    [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM    Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM    Your call. PLAYER1    [shaky] Um...  I fold. LEM    [chuckles] PATRON1    How can he--? Patron2    Shh! SOUND    HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM    [heavy menace]  You the deadeye kid? LEM    [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards.  Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM    Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND    CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM    [long dramatic sigh]  Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1    [muttered] Uh, yeah.  I'm done.  Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM    Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM    If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER    Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM    You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND    MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM    Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles.  Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND    G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM    Now! LEM    [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER    Uh... certainly. GRISHAM    I'll do it!  I will! SOUND    CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM    Rightchere in front of all these good folks?  And leave the dealer to clean up the mess?  [tsks]  Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC    BACK TO NOW SOUND    HORSES WALKING FANSHAW    Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM    Whazzat? FANSHAW    Shooting someone in the back. LEM    And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over.  Ain't no pride in the easy way.  FANSHAW    Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM    It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM    Are you stepping? LEM    What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes?  Milk?  [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM    [furious noise]  I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM    [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you.  SOUND    DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM    Barkeep?  Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND    WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM    You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM    [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW    Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM    What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW    uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM    Rattlin.  Yup.  There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown.  Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW    Why not?  He called you out. LEM    He was halfway round on rotgut.  Not a nugget's chance agin me.  Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW    But you stepped out with him?  Even knowing he had no chance? LEM    A'course.  He wouldn't take no.  Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone.  I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW    [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM    Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you.  And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so.  You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.  That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND    OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM    You ready? LEM    Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow?  I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM    [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM    [duh] Yep.  [beat] That's your sole entire reason?  You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM    No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND    THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND    GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM    And o'course it gots to be a callout.  [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford.  [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM    Come on!  Kick it up, Deadeye!  Less'n yer yellow! SOUND    LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM    [maddenginly cool] Oh.  I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND    TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND    G - BODY DROP SOUND    LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER.  A MOMENT.  FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC    BACK TO NOW FANSHAW     [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM    Have to ice over that pond.  Hard and cold.  Hard and cold. FANSHAW    I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving.  I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM    [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW    But men can behave in a civilized manner!  Look at we Brits. LEM    [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW    Do you enjoy it? LEM    [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW    Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM    Hmmm.  [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM    S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time.  FANSHAW    The thrill of danger? LEM    That, but even more so.  If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs.  This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it.  Kill or be killed.  [beat, then not quite truthful]  Enjoy?  No.  FANSHAW    Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM    I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC    FLASH BACK AMB    INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND    GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN    [gasps] SOUND    [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND    PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM    [voiceover]  there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best.  Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND    BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER    Your shot, Mister. LEM    [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND    Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC    BACK TO NOW LEM    [brisk] It's coming down dusk.  Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW    I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM    Whazzat? FANSHAW    Look - the horizon! LEM    Signal fires, and a lot of em.  Damn. FANSHAW    They're a little far off to get a better look at.  We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM    Someone's gotta warn the town.  Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW    [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM    Not so much that I saw.  They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there.  FANSHAW    [heavy sigh]  Right, then.  SOUND    DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM    You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW    She's neither a lady nor a friend.  But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me.  [change of tone]  We are a couple of hours out. LEM    Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin.  We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND    MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW    [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND    READYING FOR BATTLE LEM    If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER    You've done enough already, stranger.  Ain't even your fight. LEM    I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there.  Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER    I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM    That's fine.  Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND    [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE    And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone.  FANSHAW    [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE    No.  I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to.  [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town.  I'm still not sure how you did that.  Or why you came back. FANSHAW    We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE    Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious.  Fanshaw, dear old chum.  Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW    Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE    [surprised laugh]  Hah!  All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air!  And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW    I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out.  Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it.  We have a job to do. LISETTE    Wait! FANSHAW    [long sigh]  Yes? LISETTE    Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW    I doubt I shall need any.  But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET    Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW    I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET     What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO     By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND    POUNDING LISETTE    Oh heavens!  Not again! MAN    [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND    POUNDING STOPS LISETTE    Try that scene again from the top.  Romeo? FANSHAW    [sigh] Yes? LISETTE    Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET    Oh, I like "him".  So terribly byronic. FANSHAW    I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND    PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY    Sir? LEM    Yeah? SCOTTY    Private Scott.  Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM    [sigh] Right.  You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY    O'course. LEM    Against a person? SCOTTY    Well, against animals. LEM    Right. GRISHAM    Not everyone can be you. LEM    [sighs] SCOTTY    Don't you worry!  I ain't afraid! GRISHAM    This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet.  You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM    You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY    Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM    Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM    Scotty.  Right.  You gotta horse? SCOTTY    Over there. GRISHAM    [rueful] My damn horse.  Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets.  LEM    Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY    Right, sir! GRISHAM    Ain't he a little young?  You should oughtta throw him back. LEM    I'm stuck with him.  And I never kept notches. GRISHAM    That ain't what I heered. LEM    Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM    And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM    [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM    So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM    If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY    Tell me about what?  Injuns?  [certain] I know all about them. LEM    [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB    CRICKETS SOUND    HORSES FANSHAW    They're still out of range.  I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM    Hmm? FANSHAW    I can make out English and Spanish.  Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM    [quiet] Ain't impossible.  Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY    What ain't impossible? LEM    We're gettin close.  Best to go on foot.  SCOTTY    These here horses are my responsibility! LEM    Best you stay and watch'em, then.  FANSHAW    Don't forget the satchel. SOUND    CREAK LEM    Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY    I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin!  I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW    [laughs]  I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND    REMOVING SPURS LEM    Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things.  If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there.  You reckon? SCOTTY    How'll you find us? LEM    I'll find you.  Just be ready.  And don't shoot me. SOUND    QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK    echoey hallway LISETTE    [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW    Carmichael. LISETTE    [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume.  Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW     [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers.  Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE    Perhaps plain trousers, then.  [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW    [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement.  [dismissive] But a costume is a costume.  I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE    [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND    SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM    [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW    I'll have a look round.  SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM    [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM    Ooh!  Scairt you, din't I? LEM    [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM    [smug and evil] Well that's good, then.  Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM    What all do you want? GRISHAM    Apart from you in a pine box?  I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM    Not likely, nope.  How'd you follow us? GRISHAM    What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM    [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND    FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW    Who the devil is this? GRISHAM    Who the devil are you? LEM    What'd ya find out? FANSHAW    A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle.  GRISHAM    What kinda girlie man are ya?  Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW    [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM    Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW    We need to get moving. GRISHAM    I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND    KNIFE FANSHAW    [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND    PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM    [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM    Oooohhhh. FANSHAW    Marquis of Queensbury be damned.  We need to go. GRISHAM    [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND    SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM    What'd you do to him? FANSHAW    I didn't!  I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea?  8_JULIET3 SOUND    TAP ON DOOR LISETTE    Fanshaw? FANSHAW    Come in. LISETTE    I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW    I was considering what I might do with my hair.  To create the right ilusion. LISETTE    That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW    I prefer not.  It looks like an ottoman on my head.  LISETTE    And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW    Whyever not? LISETTE     On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW    [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE    That is the final straw!  Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW    What? LISETTE    That you would take too many liberties.  You are out. FANSHAW    Out? LISETTE    [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND    QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM    [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW    [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM    Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW    I don't see anyone.  Anyone... hostile. SOUND    QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY    [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM    What is--  [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY    They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW    I don't doubt it. SCOTTY    And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW    I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY    And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM    [heavy sigh]  Ayup. CLOSING       Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND    UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM    Good thing I had that with me.   Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND    SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW    Of course. SCOTTY    I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM    I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son.  And you been punished enough. SCOTTY    What do you mean?  They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW    I'll deal with him. LEM    I'll leave you to it.  SCOTTY    What are you doing? LEM    Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns.  You gon' be all right? SOUND    RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW    Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place.  Especially in the dark. SCOTTY    Can't do anything?  What are you talking about?  FANSHAW    Hush, Scotty.  Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND    BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND    MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND    GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM    Where the hell?   [Thunder?]!  Goddam rustlers!  SOUND    MEN WALK BY LEADER    Two horses, two saddles.  I don't like it. SECOND    Guerrero had the kid down before we realized.  But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough.   LEADER    [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND    We're nearly ready.  3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY    [trying not to cry] So that's IT?  I mean this is it?  No nothing left?  No heaven? FANSHAW    There are so many things even I don't understand.  I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY    But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW    Most do.  And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY    And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW    [uncomfortable] Oh, dear.  That is a shame. SCOTTY    What's it like? FANSHAW    [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY     Being with a woman? FANSHAW    Ohhh.... 4_RUNNING LEM    [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND    RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM    [muttered] Dammit.  Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC    FLASHBACK SOUND    NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND    ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS    [yelling, off]  Leastways, there's a good moon!  PIEDMONT    [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS    [off, yelling]  Spread out!  Don't let that traitor get away!  Where's that rope? PIEDMONT    [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND    VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM    [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT    [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW    My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY    Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you?  You been all over the place! FANSHAW    Oh dear.  [up]  I've spent most of my life deep in study.  I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all.  SCOTTY    Me too.  Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW    [after a moment]  Women are.... soft. SCOTTY    [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW    And round.  In places where men aren't. SCOTTY    But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW    [flabbergasted]  What? SCOTTY    You never don't see none of them out of skirts!  Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW    Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men.  Arms, legs, heads - well, one head.  You understand. SCOTTY     [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW    Yes.  Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND    RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT    Shh!  Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM    You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT    There is no call to use such language, boy.  Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM    I should hope I do!  My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT    [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM    [pride] Yup. SOUND    OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS    [outside]  Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM    [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT    But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM    I don't fancy getting whupped.  I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night.  8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW    I was in love.  When I was very young. SCOTTY    Was she really purtty? FANSHAW    [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face.  Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY    You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW    Our parents objected.  They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY    What didja do? FANSHAW    I waited.  I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY    You waited on a rock? FANSHAW    I waited at school.  I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY    What happened? FANSHAW    I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY    Yes? FANSHAW    That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY    She'd gone and -- FANSHAW    My "dearest love" had married another.  Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY    Damn!  Women are right terrible. FANSHAW    Don't fault women, boy.  There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men.  We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND    UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM    They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT    Yes. YOUNG LEM    Why?  What for? PIEDMONT    We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM    You mean the war?  Hmph.  My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT    [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM    [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS    There he is! MAN    Get him! PIEDMONT    [scream] SOUND    SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM    [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT    I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY    You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW    Yes.  We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY    How'd it work? FANSHAW    Work? SCOTTY    I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW    I don't know that I have an answer for you.  I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY    Years?  You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW    We... help people.  And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety.  11_SHOT SOUND    LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT    [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir!  My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take.   YOUNG LEM    [gasp]  Pa? SOUND    GUNSHOT SOUND    TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS    [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW    Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on.  SCOTTY    Business?  I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW    No, no.  For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY    Oh.  I spose that could happen. FANSHAW    Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY    [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW    [cheering]  Or, when the town has been warned.  That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY    [wailing] Oh no!  FANSHAW    Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY    What if it's ladies? FANSHAW    [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY    What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW    [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward.  Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM    [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS    You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM    [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS    Good.  Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND    A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM    [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS    Yup. YOUNG LEM    In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS    Yup.  [beat]  You asking something? YOUNG LEM    What if he'd'a kilt me?  Or what if you did? ROBERTS    [long pause]  Life's hard, boy.  You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM    Oh. SOUND    BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS    Lem?  YOUNG LEM    [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS    [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM    [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY    It ain't fair!  I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW    Life is not fair.  Death even less so.  SCOTTY    I-- FANSHAW    [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer.  SCOTTY    Answer? FANSHAW    Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY    What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW    Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY    Oh.  And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW    What about me? SCOTTY    Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW    Oh.  But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY    No?  Why? FANSHAW    I still have many things to see.  And I feel like I'm doing good here.  There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY    That's crazy talk. FANSHAW    That's why it's a story.  In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY    All right.  Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW    A talking bug, but yes, a bug.  SCOTTY    That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW    True.  [gasp]  Look at the horizon!  I think they are on the move! SCOTTY    Is there something we can do? FANSHAW    This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND    IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER    [commands]  We need more shot at the western boundary!  Get someone over there! SOLDIER    Yessir! SOUND    FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND    DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2    Sir!  Someone's coming!  On foot! COMMANDER    On foot?  SENTRY    [off] Halt! LEM    [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop...  I'm gon fall down...  And I gotta get to...  The commander. SENTRY    Stop, I say! COMMANDER    Let him on through. LEM    They're a-movin.  Deserters 'n comancheros.  Have guns.  COMMANDER    Why are you-- LEM    Kilt Scotty.  Took the horses.  Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND    FALLS DOWN COMMANDER    Are you all right?  [up] Someone get Doc! LEM    I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY    We got to do something! FANSHAW    And just what do you have in mind?  I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem.  By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY    Can't we spook the horses or nothing?  That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW    I was with you the entire trip out from town.  Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY    [really down] No. FANSHAW    If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him.  Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC    Can you get yourself around this? LEM    [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC    [shrug] Mostly brandy.  Medicinal. LEM    [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE     Oh, goodness.  I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend.  LEM    [coughs] DOC    Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM    [hawks, spits, clear throat]  Hits the spot.  LISETTE    [calculating] And not able to walk away.  [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC     The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them.  You up fer it? LEM    Will be... shortly.  Any chance of a mite to eat?  It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY    He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW    We've come across... others.  But they are very rare. SCOTTY    [yelling] I want to DO something!  I want to help! FANSHAW    There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus!  I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY    But I-- GRISHAM    [off]  Will you two shut up?  They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW    Oh dear.  Come along. SCOTTY    Where? FANSHAW    To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND    MEN READY TO GO SOUND    MOUNT UP LEM    [sigh of relief, but also soreness]  COMMANDER    You doing all right, there, feller? LEM    Better saddle than boots.  I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER     Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set.  Least we can do.  Let's go. SOUND    HORSES MOVE OUT LEM    Commander? COMMANDER    Hmm? LEM    Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER    This town is not a good place for that.  Too spread out.  And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM    Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out.  Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER    I like the way you think, hombre.  [up] Company!  [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM    Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND    PUNCH FANSHAW    [casual] shut up. SCOTTY    That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW    Leave him!  [quiet, moving away]  We can't actually be hurt.  But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to.  I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM    [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW    Blast!  He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY    Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW    How? SCOTTY     Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM    Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY    [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM    oof! SCOTTY    Better'n pie!  You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW    Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM    [muttered] Fanshaw?  Damn.  Too far out.  COMMANDER    What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM    Nothing much to speak of.  Some hills.  A ridge off to the north where first we saw them.  No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER    Good.  Cain't let this sort of thing go.  LEM    Course not.  COMMANDER    You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM    Ayup.  Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER    You're sure he's ... dead? LEM    I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER    [sad] That's too bad. LEM    Kin? COMMANDER    Nephew.  LEM    [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER    That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM    [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND    MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW    Looks like about three score.  Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night.  Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC    FLASHBACK AMB    BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY    Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA    Stop calling me that, nanny!  I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY    You'll always be my little bunny bug.  Oh!  Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head?  [gasp of fear]  Did you hurt yourself?  Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA    No!  I am a pirate. NANNY    Do not be so silly.  There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA    Of course there are.  They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY    Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA    Well not just NOW.  When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER    Did you see how big a force they had? LEM    Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought.  At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER    [skeptical] Really? LEM    They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER    [considers, then agrees] No, you don't.  LEM    'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER    [chuckles]  Sound thinking.  [up]  Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND    STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND    SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY    [pleased] You tired yet, feller?  I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM    [tired] You little whippersnapper!  Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW    [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead.  More than he will ever know.  [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1    Hey!  I found something! SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW    [worried] Damn!  Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2    What? SECOND    Silence! RUFFIAN2    [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1    Split it?  Nonsense!  It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND    [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER    [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway.  Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB    Yessir! LEM    If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite.  COMMANDER    You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM    [shrug] Someone's gotta.  'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER    Valuables? LEM    Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER    [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM    [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY    Mister Fanshaw!  That fellow just vanished!  Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW    I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY    Why? FANSHAW    I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag.  Now that it has been found... SCOTTY    Why?  Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW    No.  There's something in there - Oh!  It's moving.  Stay with me as long as you can.  SCOTTY    Why can't I--? FANSHAW    Shh!  [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there.  And you are on the other end. SCOTTY    Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW    Basically, yes.  You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY    [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW    Yes!  [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND    FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA    I am going to be a pirate!  I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY    Stealing is very wicked.  YOUNG CLARA    But you can't be a pirate without stealing!  Then you're just a sailor! NANNY    And young ladies do not become pirates.  Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA    Or nannies. NANNY    [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug.  You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA    I should rather be a nanny.  Mummies are boring.  Nannies have things to do. NANNY    [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA    I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate!  I want to see the world! NANNY    [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA    Then I want to be a boy! END     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND    NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER    Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM    I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER    [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM    If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER    [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM    I kin look after myself.  Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy.  I best get a move on. COMMANDER    One thing. LEM    Yeah? COMMANDER    One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM    [down] Oh. COMMANDER    And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM    I- COMMANDER    [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous.  Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM    [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER    [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM    I kin only do my best. SOUND    WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND    COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER    [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW    Blackguards. RUFFIAN2    [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1    [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2    [whisper]  Heavy is good!  Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1    Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW    Such stimulating conversation.  I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay.  3_TALLYHO SOUND    STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM    Nothin.  [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off.  And ridin. FANSHAW    [distant]  Tally-ho!  LEM    [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW    Halloooooo!  Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM    What the devil?  [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND    RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB    IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM     Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW    [muffled noises] SOUND    STRUGGLING GRISHAM    Oh, no you don't!  SOUND    MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM    I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me.  Long as I ignore it.  But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW    [noise of effort] GRISHAM    [ouch!] Hey!  You bit me!  FANSHAW    Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM    Waitaminute.  [disgusted noise] FANSHAW    [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM    Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid--  [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW    [noise of effort] SOUND    STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM    You're a-- ?  FANSHAW    You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    what the hell?  A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER    He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND    [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER    [commanding, but quiet]  They're coming! SOUND    [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER    [a bit superior]  I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw.  6_PLAN DOS LEADER    Shots? SECOND    Sir? LEADER    Damn.  Someone has seen.  Get El puerco and his fellows.  Tell them plan dos. SECOND    Plan dos, sir? LEADER    They'll circle south and get behind the town.  We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND    Yessir! SOUND    RUNS OFF SCOTTY     [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND    HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW    [distant but closer, yelling] Lem!  That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM    [muttered] Damn.  And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND    HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM    [very quietly] 30...?  Nearer fifty.  That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND    SHOTS!  (where the horses went to) LEM    [muttered to self] hold on.  SOUND    NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM    [muttered] almost... GRISHAM    There you are! LEM    [sharp intake of breath]  That don't work on me twice.  Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM    Oh, that girly friend of your'n?  Funny thing about that-- SOUND    GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM    Good riddance.  And jest in time. SOUND    BEGINS SHOOTING MaN    [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER    [roaring now] Hold the lines!  More shot, boy! BOY    Yessir! MAN    [hit, argh!] COMMANDER    Stay low! FANSHAW    All seems rather well here.  GRISHAM    There you are. FANSHAW    Bloody hell. GRISHAM    [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW    [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND    FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND    COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND    RELOADING SOUND    NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM    That's nine.  SOUND    SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY    [distant, yelling] Someone!  They're circling round!  There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM    Damn.  [listens for a second]  Fanshaw?  Damn.  SCOTTY    [yelling]  Please!  Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM    [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse.  [chuckles]  dead don't get hoarse.  But I gotta get one.  [clucks to horse] SOUND    HORSE BLOWS LEM    [grunts as he swings into the saddle]  Come on. FANSHAW    [a bit distant] Lem? LEM    Wazzat?  There you are! FANSHAW    Close as I can get just now, and can't stay.  That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM    Grisham?  Yeah. FANSHAW    The commander seems to be holding well.  The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM    Good.  Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW    What message? LEM    Just try and tell the boy.  So he can rest hisself.  [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND    HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW    Scotty?  Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER    Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL    Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER    This is no time to be peaceable.  They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND    HORSE APPROACHING LEM    [distant] Commander! COMMANDER    Let him through.  [up, to Lem]  Looks like we've got nearly all of them.  SOUND    GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER    A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND    HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM    [to horse] Whoah!  I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind.  COMMANDER    My god! LEM    Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER    You, boy! BOY    Yessir? COMMANDER    Bring my horse, quickly! LEM    You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER    You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts.  My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM    Sound thinkin.  I have been going a bit. COMMANDER    Corporal? CORPORAL    [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW    Lem?  I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance.  Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND    LEM DISMOUNTS LEM    Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints.  I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL    Excellent!  FANSHAW    I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM    Found you! FANSHAW    Oh, damn!  GRISHAM    You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW    [hits out] GRISHAM    [ungh!] FANSHAW    Have to get him out of here, Lem.  Too distracting. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    [laughs triumphantly]  Coward!  But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM    [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM    What? LEM    You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet.  You hear me? GRISHAM    [all the bluster gone]  Yeah. LEM    Good.  I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND    GUNSHOT LEM    [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND    QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM    Hah!  I still gotcha! LEM    [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up?  CORPORAL    [commanding] Men! SOUND    MORE GUNSHOTS LEM    [groan] SOUND    BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END   NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER    Hold on, there, fellow. LEM    [vague] all's well? COMMANDER    We got em. LEM    My pack? COMMANDER    I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR    Bite down on this.  He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER    I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them.  You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN    Just a little bit of broth, mister.  You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM    [annoyed moan] FANSHAW    You're awake. LEM    [quiet]  Anyone--? FANSHAW    Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM    Good.  I been shot? FANSHAW    At least twice, judging by the bandages.  Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say.  I should have been watching. LEM    [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin.   FANSHAW    [awkward pause, then stiffly]  Should I ...go? LEM    Go?  go where? FANSHAW    [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace.  To rest.  I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM    [straining a bit]  Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW    I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM    [satisfied]  Good. FANSHAW    I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM    Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW    Oh. LEM    Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW    [bracing breath]  Yes. LEM    [exasperated snort]  Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW    Yes. LEM    [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW    So she did--? LEM    [shrug]  Yup.  So? FANSHAW    [surprised] So? LEM    You cain't be the first. FANSHAW    First? LEM    Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW    But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM    Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW    I... don't? LEM    'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants.  FANSHAW    What? END

Nersnack om Mantorp´s 145Resultat ifrån Jump in July.Unghäst championat.Trött Dm i Örebro.Vm Lagen Klara.

The Demon Beelzebud returns to pester sisters Rena and Matilda. [sequel to Force Majeure]  Cast List Beelzebud - Anthony D.P. Mann (Horror Etc. Podcast) Rena - Julie Hoverson Matilda - Kate Waterous Jesse - Big Anklevitch (Dunesteef Audio Magazine) Infernique - Julia Carter Willial - Mark Olson Benedict - Reynaud LeBoeuf Mrs. Closky - Florida Possum Fat guy - Dave Fontenot Manager - Scott Spaulding Cameo appearance from Super Haunted Stories! Music by  Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Julie Hoverson Cover art includes:  clear crystal / red crystal "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a modern family home, can't you tell?" ********************************************** Caveat Emptor Cast: Beelzebud Rena Matilda Jesse Infernique Willial Benedict Mrs. Closky Fat guy Manager OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a family home, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND     ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF, IS SLAPPED DOWN JESSE    [waking up]  maaaargh.  SOUND    PATTING BED JESSE    Huh?  [thick]  Babe? [clears throat] Babe?  [considering noise] Hmmm. SOUND    BLANKET FLAPS JESSE    What the hell time...?  What?  [yelling petulantly] Cassie?  Who reset the alarm? SOUND    STUMBLES INTO OTHER ROOM JESSE    Cassie?  Where's the laptop?  Shit!  We've been robbed!  SOUND    RUSHING AROUND SOUND    DOORBELL JESSE    Where's the phone?  Gotta call police. SOUND    DOORBELL JESSE    Who the hell? SOUND    DOOR OPENS ON CHAIN JESSE    This is not a good time. BUD    It's the only time you got, pal.  JESSE    I just got robbed. BUD    No, you just got dumped.  Read the note on the fridge. JESSE    What? SOUND    DOOR SLAMS, OUTSIDE WITH BUD BUD    [WHISTLES SOMETHING] SOUND    DOOR JERKS OPEN AGAIN JESSE    [freaking out] Are you a friend of Cassie's?  Do you know where she went? BUD    Not my area.  I just dropped by to give you a bit of a head's up. JESSE    Uh-what? BUD    I know you're feeling pretty low.  Wife walked out, took the kid, and you don't know why-- JESSE    We have a good life! BUD    Yeah, it's got nothing to do with you moping around the house all day-- JESSE    I got laid off. BUD    Leaving all the housework for the little woman, so that when she gets home from her full day-- JESSE    I have to spend my time looking for work-- BUD    A lot of work in World of Warcraft, is there?  Or are you considering a career in porn? JESSE    None of your business! Besides...they're the only things that make me less depressed-- BUD    Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all.  So today is your lucky day - kinda. JESSE    Kinda? BUD    [dragged out, savoring] Ye-a-aah.  MUSIC MATILDA    It's $200.  That's like three tanks of gas. RENA    [disgusted sigh]  I hate this work. MATILDA    One hour plus drive time.  Just think of it as gathering intel. RENA    I'll think of it as whine tasting. SOUND    PICKS UP KEYS, DOOR OPENS MATILDA    Have fun! MUSIC SOUND    DOORBELL, DOOR OPENS ON CHAIN RENA    You called? JESSE    Oh, yeah, this guy - he gave me your card. RENA    And? JESSE    And? RENA    I didn't come all this way to stand on your porch, unpaid. MATILDA    [mic] Confirmed. JESSE    Oh, ah.  Come in. SOUND    UNCHAINS, OPENS DOOR JESSE    Yeah, um, it's kind of a mess.  You want a beer or something? RENA    57 minutes. JESSE    What? RENA    Of your hour.  We confirmed your paypal transaction. JESSE      Oh, right.  My wife – she left me. RENA    When? JESSE    Oh, just this morning. RENA    [disbelieving] Hmph. JESSE    She's not much of a housekeeper. RENA    I can smell that. JESSE    That doesn't mean I don't want her back! SOUND    POUNDING ON THE DOOR JESSE    [angry sigh] Just a sec. RENA    Take your time. MATILDA    [mic] Cut the poor guy some slack. SOUND    OPENS DOOR MRS. CLOSKY    How dare you! JESSE    How dare I, what? MRS. CLOSKY    Bring a hooker into your house while your wife's away? MATILDA    [mic] [laughing hysterically] RENA    [low] Not funny. MATILDA    [mic] I told you the black leather was wrong for the neighborhood! RENA    Tough is tough. JESSE    She's not-- MRS. CLOSKY    I know just what kind of woman has the bleached blonde hair and the motorcycle. JESSE    But Cassie-- MRS. CLOSKY    That poor woman gave you two beautiful children, so any weight she's gained, well that's just as much your fault, isn't it? MATILDA    [mic] [fresh peals of laughter] RENA    I'm gonna turn you off. JESSE    But Mrs. Closky! MRS. CLOSKY    You're just like my sonofabitch husband, and I just wish I had had someone like me to speak up on my behalf back when he-- SOUND    DOOR SHUTS, cutting her off JESSE    [sigh] Shit. RENA    Sum up quick.  I'm already bored. JESSE    My wife left me this morning.  I want to find out where she went. RENA    Did you call her parents? JESSE    Her mother won't answer. RENA    Did you call her friends? JESSE    They're all on her side. RENA    Did you check her emails? JESSE    I didn't think of that. RENA    What have you done? JESSE    I ... called you. RENA    You understand that first $200 is only for this hour, the one we're currently wasting.  JESSE    Not for the entire job? RENA    Not unless I find her in the next 47 minutes. JESSE    [hopeful] Do you think you can? RENA    What's her email address? MUSIC SOUND    OUTSIDE, WALKING, LEATHER CREAKING MATILDA    [mic] She already emailed back.  Says he's been a shit since he got laid off.  Says she told him she was going to do this, weeks ago, and he didn't even pay attention. RENA    Hmph.  Makes me want to run out and find one of my own. MATILDA    [mic] [laughs] WILLY    Uh, hello? RENA    Not in a million years. WILLY    I was just looking for a - ah!  There's the address. SOUND    HE HUSTLES OFF RENA    Must be a friend of his-- MRS. CLOSKY    [off, calling]  You! RENA    Oh hell. MRS. CLOSKY    You, woman! MATILDA    [mic] Uh-oh.  RENA    [sigh] What? MRS. CLOSKY    How much do you charge? MATILDA    [mic] Tell her you don't do lemon parties. RENA    I don't-- [starts over] I am a bounty hunter. MRS. CLOSKY    Oh!  Well, that's a disappointment. RENA    That I'm not a prostitute? MRS. CLOSKY    I have a nephew.  Unmarried.  He could use a little cheering up.  And his birthday's coming! MATILDA    [mic] [teasing] We are a bit short on cash. RENA    I - I have to go.  Now. SOUND    MOTORCYCLE REVS MUSIC AMB    MATILDA'S DEN SOUND    DOOR SHUTS (OFF) SOUND    RENA ENTERS MATILDA    [calling] So, how was the nephew? RENA    [muffled] Funny. SOUND    KNOCK ON DOOR RENA    There wasn't any - oh. MATILDA    What? RENA    Who pops up out of nowhere on a regular basis? SOUND    OPENS DOOR BUD    Hiya doll!  [louder] Dolls! RENA    [to M] You okay with having him in? MATILDA    Yeah, I guess. BUD    Make a guy feel wanted, why dontcha? MATILDA    We forgot to vacuum! RENA    We're antisocial. BUD    And here I thought it was just me. RENA    You forgot to vacuum too? MATILDA    Get over here, where I can see you! SOUND    WALKING RENA    Matilda.  Bud.  SOUND    SHE FLOPS INTO CHAIR MATILDA    You do look like Steve Buscemi. BUD    I'm gonna take that as a compliment.  You don't got no more places to sit? RENA    One butt, one chair.  Part of the recluse mystique.  MATILDA    There's a stool around somewhere... BUD    eh.  I can stand.  Don't plan to be here that long.  See, I gotta problem. MATILDA    Another one? RENA    We get $200 for the first hour. BUD    Here. SOUND    SLAPS DOWN MONEY BUD    You know, I never woulda mistaken you for a prostitute. RENA    Good to know. BUD    Dominatrix, maybe. RENA    [losing it] It's motorcycle gear!  Not some kind of leather teddy and thigh high boots-- MATILDA    [taunting] With stiletto heels? RENA    Not helping!  And those things'll break your ankles.  [breath, recomposed]  Clock starts now.  What's your problem? BUD    You girls are a hoot.  You should take it on the road. MATILDA    No thanks. RENA    Tick...tock. BUD    Fine.  [sigh]  You'd think the life of a demon like me would be a piece of cake. MATILDA    From what you've said, you seem to have it all down to a system. BUD    Yeah, well any well oiled machine can go Pfft - if you stick in the wrong cog. RENA    What have you been sticking in your cogs? BUD    [snicker] It's Infernique.  MATILDA    Sounds like a perfume. BUD    The demon chick you fixed me up with. RENA    Nuh-uh.  No fixing.  Just tricked her into giving in and going out with you.  Once.  Whatever happened after - not my fault. MATILDA    Well, maybe just a little. BUD    She's convinced she gotta class me up. RENA    Class?  You? BUD    You don't need to make it sounds like such a joke, babe. MATILDA    I wondered about the suit.  Seemed awfully-- RENA    Tasteful? MATILDA    Restrained.  I mean, the descriptions - you have such ... flair!  [undertone] help me out here. RENA    No. BUD    Yeah, yeah, so I like the classics.  This sharkskin still got its own kind of flash, but she's killing me with the pastels.  [confidential]  You know they come from the pit of despair? MATILDA    Pastels? BUD    Yeah.  Not a pretty story.  [up a bit] Anyway, I'm not so good at saying "no" to her, and she's been trying to get me to trade up.  Better department.  Better class of victim. MATILDA    What will the comedians do without you? BUD    Yeah, that's what I say, but there's always someone willing to take most any place, but my place is one of those ain't no one gonna fight over, see? RENA    Nope. BUD    This guy, Jesse - I gave him your card this morning - ring a bell? RENA    The douche who didn't realize his wife was about to walk? BUD    Yeah, well - that's what Infernique wants me for my new clientele. MATILDA    The recently abandoned?  The thoughtless husbands? RENA    The douches?  Plenty of them.  You can have 'em. BUD    Yeah, but she's got me sneaking around behind the back of Willy, the guy whose job it is now, undermining his numbers.  Trying to make him look bad.  Getting the douches to not sign. MATILDA    All's fair in love and hell? BUD    I dunno - I ain't liking this. RENA    Talking people out of selling their souls?  How abominable. BUD    Nah, it's the backstabbing.  Willy's - well not "good people" maybe, but he ain't a bad guy.  Kind of a plodder.  No inspiration.  But he's got a sweet berth and he's ...competent.  MATILDA    You'll really miss the comedians, won't you? BUD    [sighing admission] Yeah. RENA    Easy.  Tell her you don't want to change. BUD    Why don't you just point me at a good doctor, then, for when she rips me a new asshole. RENA    Guess you're screwed. MATILDA    Waitaminute.  Look.  the way I see it, you have two choices here.  You can go ahead and be perfect, toe the line, do what she wants and be with her until she finds someone more ambitious-- RENA    Won't be hard. MATILDA    Shush.  Or you find a way to slack off and subtly let her know that you aren't going to turn into a silk purse any time soon, and let her dump you. RENA    Talk to that guy from this morning.  I'm sure he can give you some pointers. MATILDA    The big question is, is she worth it? BUD    You know... You said a mouthful right there.  I think some deep pondering is in order.  Thanx! RENA    You still have a few minutes left. BUD    Ehh - Keep it!  All us classy types tip! MUSIC RENA    [snoring] SOUND    PHONE RINGS, ANSWERED RENA    [groggy] Hello?  [a bit better] Hello? SOUND    STRANGE BUZZ ON THE LINE RENA    Shit. SOUND    HANGS UP SOUND    GRABBING CLOTHES, GUN SOUND    EASES OPEN DOOR RENA    [deliberately calms her breathing to listen] SOUND    MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY FROM MATILDA'S ROOM RENA    [whispered] Shit. SOUND    QUICK DASH SHUTS MAT's DOOR, MUSIC'S MUFFLED RENA    [calming her breathing again] SOUND    CREAK, ACROSS ROOM RENA    [catch in her breathing, then careful] SOUND    ANOTHER CREAK, ACROSS THE ROOM SOUND    RENA CAREFULLY TAKES THE REMOTE SOUND    CLICK, TV COMES ON, ACROSS ROOM BENEDICT    [gasp] SOUND    QUICK SCUFFLE OF MOVEMENT RENA    [now behind him] You're gonna want to drop that. SOUND    CLICK OF HER GUN CoCKED BENEDICT    You don't know what you're doing. SOUND    CLICK - TV OFF RENA    I'm the one with the gun.  And the remote.  Whatever you got in your hand, drop it. SOUND    SOMETHING CLATTERS TO THE FLOOR. SOUND    MAT'S DOOR FLUNG OPEN MATILDA    Hold it right there! RENA    [up] Got 'im.  [to him] Hands behind your back. BENEDICT    [annoyed] Really? RENA    Really.  MATILDA    Sorry I took so long.  Couldn't find the night vision goggles. BENEDICT    [sigh] Fine. SOUND    HANDCUFFS ON BENEDICT    IS this really necessary? RENA    You're the one who broke in. MATILDA    I'll get the lights. RENA    Goggles off. MATILDA    I know! SOUND    GOGGLES OFF, LIGHT SWITCH MATILDA    Ooh!  He's smoking hot!  Can we keep him? BENEDICT    Let me explain. RENA    Not much chance of that.  Mat, 9-1-1, okay? MATILDA    [playing it up]  New where did I leave the phone? BENEDICT    [blurted out] Where are you keeping the demon? RENA    [surprised snort] MATILDA    [giggles]  Wow, dramatic much? RENA    There's a doghouse out back… MATILDA    [fresh peal of laughter] BENEDICT    This is no joke, lady.  Harboring a demonic fugitive is very serious. RENA    [growling now] “A” – harboring?  Not a chance.  “B” - fugitive?  BENEDICT    Beelzebud, lower echelon romalpa class signatory demon.  He stands accused of contractual misconduct. RENA    Let me guess – that's bad. BENEDICT    It's a termination-class penalty. MATILDA    Oh, shit! RENA    Tell us more. BENEDICT    No. MATILDA    Oh, come on.  You hunt demons.  Do you make a good living at that? BENEDICT    [bursts out laughing] RENA    Guess that's a no. BENEDICT    It's a calling, not a job.  RENA    So... you're a demon too. BENEDICT    I'm not telling you anything. RENA    You broke into our house.  Convince us that we shouldn't call the real-life police. BENEDICT    I wasn't going to do anything to you - just put this crystal somewhere-- RENA    This thing? BENEDICT    Yeah.  It's a--[shuts up]   MATILDA    Might as well finish the sentence.  [beat]  How about strip guesses? BENEDICT    What? RENA    If she guesses and she's wrong, you lose a piece of clothing. BENEDICT    Are you insane? RENA    We don't get a lot of hot male visitors. MATILDA    And you woke us up in the middle of the damn night.  Is it a tracking device? BENEDICT    No. MATILDA    Camo coat. BENEDICT    Can't take it off over the handcuffs. MATILDA    Oh, bummer.  Pants, then. BENEDICT    [panicking a little] It's a simple listening device - like a mystic "bug"  Ok? RENA    Guess he wins.  Sorry Mat. MUSIC AMB    COMEDY CLUB [HEARD FROM BACKSTAGE] FAT GUY    [punchline to a joke] Boom-boom, boom-boom, boom-boom. SOUND    SCATTERED LAUGHTER, NOT MUCH FAT GUY    and... Good night! SOUND    RUNS IN MANAGER    That could have been better. FAT GUY    [grumpy] Open mike, read it and weep. BUD    Psst. FAT GUY    What do you want? BUD    I like what you did up there. FAT GUY    [knowing] I know who you are. BUD    You... do? FAT GUY    Yeah, I was warned there's a guy going around with bogus contracts.  Screw off. BUD    I don't know nothing from bogus. I'm as legit as they come-- FAT GUY    [squealing]  You want me to call the cops?  Jeez! SOUND    STOMPS OFF BUD    [muttering, furious] Bogus contracts, eh?  SOUND    HE GOES OUT INTO ALLEY.  DOOR SHUTS BUD    [furious - cussing in latin] Mater tua caligas gerit! RENA    You kiss someone's mother with that mouth? BUD    [affable again] You know latin, doll? RENA    [shrug] I know cussing. BUD    [chuckles] RENA    Matilda wanted me to warn you.  Someone's on your tail. SOUND    MOTORCYCLE REVS, OFF RENA    And... He probably followed me here. BUD    [not real disturbed] Yikes. RENA    I thought I left you in handcuffs. BENEDICT    Your sister took pity on me. MATILDA    [mic] He's not such a bad guy. BUD    All right occifier.  I'm not as think as you drunk I am. RENA    Don't joke. BENEDICT    You might step out of the way, ma'am. RENA    [to Bud] You need some help? BUD    Why? RENA    I don't know.  I just thought I'd ask. BUD    I'm touched.  Oddly.  [beat] Nope.  It ain't gonna be pleasant, but ain't nothing to be done about that.  See you soon, doll. SOUND    COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS, WEIRD WHOOSHING NOISE MATILDA    [mic] Well... I'll miss him. RENA    Yeah.  [sigh, beat]  Donuts? SOUND    SHE WALKS BACK TO MOTORCYCLE SOUND    PHONE RINGS RENA    Hmm?  SOUND    BEEP RENA    [wondering] Who the hell? SOUND    TURNS ON RENA    What? JESSE    [phone] Are you doing anything at all? MATILDA    [mic] Who's that? RENA    Found her. Job done. JESSE    [phone] She's not back! RENA    Yeah.  Sucks.  She's still pissed off. MATILDA    [mic] Oh, him.  What does he expect, that you'll ride in with his wife over your shoulder, kicking and screaming? RENA    I'm not draggin her home by her hair. JESSE    [phone] Then what are you doing? RENA    I told her to email you a list of demands.  Have you checked your email? JESSE    [phone] I can't!  The bitch cut off my internet! RENA    [sotto voce] Boo-hoo. [up] Hold on.  I'm transferring him to you, Matilda.  I am not playing phone relay for— SOUND    HUGE SPOOOKY WHOOOSHY SOUND SOUND    BODY FLUNG INTO WALL RENA    Ungh! SOUND    PHONE SKITTERS AWAY SOUND    THINGS GO WEIRD AND HOLLOW MATILDA    [mic] [fading into odd tunnel]  Rena?  Rena!!!!   Rena!!!! MUSIC AMB    MATILDA'S LAIR MATILDA    [panicking] Rena?  [deep shaky breath]  Don't freak out.  Don't freak out.  Maybe it's the cell tower.  Maybe it's--  Maybe its demons.  Oh shit. INFERNIQUE    Shit is right! MATILDA    [almost a scream] Who the fuck are you? INFERNIQUE    Where is my BUD?  [spooky] What have you done with him? MATILDA    [trying hard to stay calm, but kind of losing]  Bud?  I don't know!  We-we didn't do anything!  [almost a scream] Where's my sister? INFERNIQUE    That's what I want to know!  When I tried to triangulate on her, I got NOTHING.  MATILDA    Triangulate? INFERNIQUE    Anyone who deals with us has a sort of trace on them ...evermore.  Until they pass beyond.  Is she dead? MATILDA    [whine]   Nooo? INFERNIQUE    If she isn't then she's passed out of this realm.  She never said she could DO that! MATILDA    I'm just going to faint now.  I hope you don't mind... RENA    [on speaker, weak]  Mat? MATILDA    [gasp]  INFERNIQUE    What? MATILDA    [thinking hard] I-I can't find a good place to fall down.  INFERNIQUE    She's on your headset? MATILDA    She was, just for a moment. INFERNIQUE    [satisfied]  hah.  There.  Yes.  She must be in the outer fringe.  Guess we won't be seeing her again. MATILDA    [sobbing gasp] MUSIC AMB    ECHOEY DUNGEON BUD    Babe? RENA    [waking] What?  Oh, crap.  Am I dead?  Cuz having to listen to you forever is kind of like my vision of hell. BUD    Yeah, she's okay. RENA    [weak] Matilda? BUD    Back home where she belongs. RENA    [sigh of relief]  Not hell, then. SOUND    CHAINS RENA    What's with the— SOUND    CHAINS RENA    Shit. BUD    Yeah, that.  I guess I-uh kinda underestimated Willy-boy. RENA    Is that that demon hunter? BUD    [snort of laughter]  Oh, him.  Nah.  That was all part of Willy's plan to get me off his case. RENA    oh.  The demon you were undermining. BUD    Bingo!  I love a bright dame. RENA    And now he's got us both chained up in a dungeon?  Great. WILLY    [demonic sounding]  Just what I was thinking!  Muhahahahahahaha [evil laugh] RENA    [undertone, to herself] Be vewwy vewwy quiet.  [up] Wow.  This is a swell party.  WILLY    You're only here because I'm curious what would make a mortal... collaborate with such a filthy maggot as Beelzebud. RENA    You make it sound a lot more fun than it is. BUD    Hey, hey!  Willy, old boy-- WILLY    [demon] You will call me Willial [will-LIE-ul]!  [back normal]  Don't think I don't know what you've been up to, behind my back, Beelzebud! BUD    ahhh.  A few short circuits.  It's all in fun.  Plus you got me back, but good - setting a popper on me. RENA    [half a snort] Popper? BUD     The hunter - [offhand] you know, you led him to me. RENA    Yeah.  Sorry bout that. WILLY    I'm surprised to see you still up and around, Bud. BUD    Believe it or not, I'm clean.  RENA    It's not like he just up and decided he wanted your crappy job, Willy. BUD    [quiet] I really prefer my own crappy job. WILLY    You should have kept your hands off my beeswax, then! RENA    Oy vay.  [quiet, to Bud]  Can this guy actually do anything?  To me, I mean? BUD    [evasive] Not legitimately.  RENA    [up] Then maybe you'll back the fuck out of my face, elmer fudd, and let me go. BUD    On the other hand he's already more or less kidmapped you, so who knows what else he's willing to do. RENA    Shit. BUD    Yeah, like anything a stupid mortal chick says is going to piss Willial off more than I already have.  Hah! WILLY    [suspicious] You're up to something. RENA    Nah, just mouthing off.  [whisper]  Keep him talking. BUD    So, Willy - Ooh!  [snide] You kidnapped a human, what's the next step?  Custodial interference?  Stealing candy from a baby? WILLY    I-I'm not sure.  I mean, I haven't decided yet what all to do with you.  For now, I'll let you stew. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS RENA    [sigh]  Nice try. BUD    [not quite lying] Try? RENA    Yeah, whatever. BUD    [beat]  If we had cards, I play a mean Canasta. RENA    Takes two decks. SOUND    TAPPING FINGERS, WAITING SOUND    DISTANT COMMOTION BUD    Finally.  Beez.  Thought they'd never get here. RENA    [surprised] You were expecting someone? BUD    Waitaminute, you were?  Oh, boy - this could be a serious case of overkill.... SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN RENA    You ain't just whistling dixie. BENEDICT    [breathing hard from exertion]  Ok, this is not what I was expecting. RENA    You got something for chains? BUD    Uh, we might wanna wait-- RENA    [suspicious] Why? INFERNIQUE    [distant demony scream]  Beelzebud! BUD    Yeah.  That. RENA    Demon hunter - you, guy. BENDICT    Benedict.  RENA    Right, like Shakespeare.  I'm bad with names.  BENDICT    Let me get those chains-- RENA    Quick!  What's the penalty for illegal imprisonment of a human? INFERNIQUE    [a little closer]  Where is he? BUD    It ain't much. He didn't hurt you or nothing. RENA    Well? BENEDICT    Something like a hundred years of hemorrhoids.  I don't actually sentence-- RENA    Wanna stick him with something worse? BUD    [speculative] I like where this is going. BENEDICT    I ...don't. MUSIC INFERNIQUE    [roaring up]  What did you do with him? WILLY    You are in my domain, succubus! INFERNIQUE    Insults?  How dare you! BUD    [off, pathetic]  Ohhhhhh.... INFERNIQUE    Out of my way! WILLY    [surprised] What the hell? BUD    [off, weak]  Is that you, baby snakes? SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN WILLY    [bewildred] But I didn't-- INFERNIQUE    [incensed] Chained? BUD    Oh, babe.  I'm so glad to see you.  Willy there whupped my fanny, but good. WILLY    I-I-- RENA    I think the popper is concussed. INFERNIQUE    [amazed] Popper? WILLY    [an octave higher] Popper? BUD    You're gonna get us out of these, aren't you sweetie? RENA    Wake up, dude! SOUND    GENTLE SLAPPING TO TRY AND ROUSE HIM INFERNIQUE    [speculative] You... chained a popper? WILLY    I-I-  He-- they-- INFERNIQUE    Just nod your head, handsome. RENA    [quiet] I'm hunting wabbits. BENEDICT    [smothered snort of laughter] BUD    Come on babe, leave Willy alone.  Get me out of here. INFERNIQUE    That's Willial, you little weasel.  [laughs contemptuously]  I think it's about time to trade up. WILLY    I- uh- I- uh-- INFERNIQUE    [very hot]  There's nothing sexier than a tongue-tied demon. RENA    [trying to sound upset but not getting it] After all Bud has done for you! BUD    [grovelling]  You can't just leave us here!  INFERNIQUE    Willy will let you go when he's good and ready, won't you? WILLY    [frantic] Uh, Beelzebud? BUD    Fine!  Keep your job!  Take my woman!  You have everything!  [big mock sob] SOUND    DOOR SLAMS SHUT MUSIC SOUND    MATILDA'S DEN SOUND    WHOOSH OF ARRIVAL BENEDICT    I honestly don't know which of you was worse, back there. RENA    Emoting is not in my skill set. BUD    Tell me about it.  MATILDA    You're back! RENA    Yeah, it's all okay. MATILDA    I thought-- RENA    [strangely gentle] You know I always promised if I die I'd come right back and haunt you. MATILDA    [sob of relief] BENEDICT    Can we--? RENA    Fuck off, will you guys? BUD    I got this.  SOUND    WHOOSH MATILDA    I was [hiccupy sob] I was so-- RENA    I'm here.  You're not alone.  Maybe I should get that Benedict guy back - he owes us a pair of pants. MATILDA    [laughs and cries] SOUND    PHONE RINGS RENA    Voice mail? MATILDA    [much calmer] Voice mail.  Yeah. JESSE    [on voice mail]  What did you do to my wife?  All of a sudden she's laying down the law and saying she won't put up with me unless I toe the line!  Man!  She's even talking about us writing up some kind of contract!  Are you even listening? SOUND    BEEP END  

Nu på våren är det dags för unghästarna att göra olika tester och för att reda ut vad som är vad är Camilla Axelsson tillbaka i podden. Camilla driver utbildningsstallet Stall Axelsson. Camilla var också med i avsnitt 96 av podden där vi pratar om inridning, men nu är det dags att prata om unghästtester.  Camilla berättar vad som händer efter inridningen är klar fram tills det är dags för tre-årstestet. Hur man förbereder sin häst och vad som är viktigt att tänka på. Vi pratar också om Breeders och vad som händer efter detta fram till hästens fjärde år.

Nu på våren är det dags för unghästarna att göra olika tester och för att reda ut vad som är vad är Camilla Axelsson tillbaka i podden. Camilla driver utbildningsstallet Stall Axelsson. Camilla var också med i avsnitt 96 av podden där vi pratar om inridning, men nu är det dags att prata om unghästtester.  Camilla berättar vad som händer efter inridningen är klar fram tills det är dags för tre-årstestet. Hur man förbereder sin häst och vad som är viktigt att tänka på. Vi pratar också om Breeders och vad som händer efter detta fram till hästens fjärde år.

Unghästen är nu 3 år på våren. Hur går man vidare med utbildningen? När börjar man hoppa in den med ryttare, hur ofta ska man träna och hur? I del 2 om den unga hästens utbildning fortsätter vi samtalet med de professionella unghästutbildarna Karin Engström och Anna-Clara Pettersson. De ger konkreta tips och vi diskuterar allt från hjälptyglar till nedsittning i trav eller ej. Häng med på ett lärorikt avsnitt! Användbar information om unghästutbildning hittar du här! Karins digitala föreläsning om unghästutbildning för SWB: https://swb.org/medlemsutbildningar/ klicka på ”Säker och hållbar unghästutbildning” Karins webkurs ”säker inridning på hästens villkor”: https://equitrain.se/kurser/unghastutbildning/ Anna-Claras – Equiqlaris hemsida: http://equiqlaris.se/ SWBs filmer ”Hur och varför ska du visa din häst på unghästtest”: https://swb.org/medlemsutbildningar/ Info om hur du visar din häst vid hand: https://swb.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Att_visa_hast_vid_hand_2020.pdf Information om SWBs unghästbedömningar: https://swb.org/unghastbedomningar/  

An den Zonser Hörspieltagen im Oktober 2021 wurde von den öffentlich-rechtlichen Rundfunk-Anstalten aus Deutschland, Österreich und der Schweiz die SRF-Produktion «Obsi» von Heinz Stalder als bestes Mundart Hörspiel des Jahres prämiert. Aus diesem Anlass wiederholt SRF 1 Stalders Hörspiel. «Obsi» basiert auf dem Theaterstück «Fischbach – oder wie Unghüür us Amerika» von Heinz Stalder, das 1981 in Bern uraufgeführt wurde. Es ist die Geschichte einer Bauernfamilie, die sich im Kampf gegen den Fortschritt und den eigenen Zerfall in seltsamen Ritualen verliert. Vierzig Jahre später entwickelt Heinz Stalder die Geschichte weiter: Befragt von ihrer Enkelin, erinnert sich eine alte Frau, dass damals ein Autor ein Theaterstück über ihre Familie geschrieben und sie zu einer Hauptfigur gemacht hat. Heinz Stalder wirft in «Obsi» einen neuen Blick auf seine ursprüngliche Theaterarbeit. Er hinterfragt den Entstehungsprozess und ermöglicht seinen Figuren ein Comeback. Mit: Rahel Hubacher (Enkelin), Marlise Fischer (Grossmutter), Hanspeter Müller-Drossaart (der Alte), Nils Althaus (der Junge), Walter Sigi Arnold (Gisler), Heinz Stalder (Autor) Musik: Elia Rediger (Komposition, Elektronik, diverse Instrumente), Tobias Preisig (Violine) - Tontechnik: Mirjam Emmenegger - Dramaturgie: Reto Ott - Regie: Päivi Stalder - Produktion: SRF 2019 - Dauer: 50'

Statistik är spännande och kan ge oss massor av information om hästarnas förärvning. Men vad ska man egentligen tänka på när man läser om resultaten från olika bedömningar och avelsindexen? Gustaf och Emma pratar om resultaten från unghästbedömningarna 2021 och om de senaste avelsindexen.  Tips! Lyssna gärna på våra tidigare avsnitt 26 och 27 om du vill veta mer om avelsindex och hur avelsindex räknas ut! Sammanfattning av resultat vid årets unghästbedömningar finns som länkad fil på:  https://swb.org/unghastbedomningar/ Information om avelsindex och listorna över årets index för hingstar finns som länkade filer på: https://swb.org/avelsindex/

Holiday cheer and joy is shared by all as the cavepeople UNGH their way to a thrilling conclusion of our Og: Unearthed Edition one shot!Album Artwork by Trevor @cosmicamazingAudio Production by Mike from the Tales from the Glass-Guarded World podcastFeaturing:Shubert as the GMCristina as BobobaJessica as WhamMike as GrobSupport the Show:Patreon | EtsyContact Us:Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Discord | Email | hobcast.comMusic by:Mike, DM of the Tales From The Glass Guarded World Podcast tftggw.comLicensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

I det här avsnittet pratar vi med de professionella unghästutbildarna Karin Engström och Anna-Clara Pettersson om hur man på bästa sätt, på hästens villkor, utbildar sin unghäst från 2,5 års ålder fram till Unghästtestet. Användbar information om unghästutbildning hittar du här! Karins webkurs ”säker inridning på hästens villkor”: https://equitrain.se/kurser/unghastutbildning/ Anna-Claras, Equiqlaris hemsida: http://equiqlaris.se/ Karins digitala föreläsning om unghästutbildning för SWB: https://swb.org/medlemsutbildningar/ klicka på ”Säker och hållbar unghästutbildning” SWBs filmer ”Hur och varför ska du visa din häst på unghästtest”: https://swb.org/medlemsutbildningar/

Här är ett klipp från intervjun med Mattias Djuse i avsnitt 106. Mattias berättar om stallets kraftiga fokus på unghästar om träningsverksamheten och ger oss sin syn på skötarbristen. Programledare: Jörgen Forsberg, Anders Malmrot och Markus Myron

Unghästspecialisten Mattias Djuse gästar Solvalla Podcast för att berätta om hur det ser ut i stallet. 100 hästar i träning och hela 83 av dem är tre år eller yngre. Vi får status på några av de mest namnkunniga travarna och tar även ett generellt snack runt två-årstävlande. Lacke överraskar med sitt julpynt och bjuder som vanligt på luringar, och Jörgen smittar av sig till hela studion med sann hästägarglädje. Gäster: Mattias Djuse och Lacke. Programledare: Jörgen Forsberg, Anders Malmrot och Markus Myron

Vi fortsätter vår spaning från höstens unghästfinaler! Det blir diskussion om fälttävlans-breeders, Unghäst-VM i fälttävlan och Unghäst-VM i hoppning med vår gäst, uppfödaren Camilla Ericson som varit på alla tre evenemangen. Fotograf: Camilla Ericson och Josefine Andersson Resultat Breeeders Trophy fälttävlan Resultat Unghäst-VM fälttävlan Resultat Unghäst-VM i hoppning

Efter ett långt sommaruppehåll klämmer vi i med ett extra långt avsnitt där vi summerar betäckningssäsongen 2021, OS ur ett avelsperspektiv och en spaning från Unghäst-VM i dressyr.

[warning - mature themes and explicit violence] A surreal Q&A session reveals the workings of a victim's mind. Cast List Marnie - Julie Hoverson Doc - Julie Hoverson Jerry - Brandon O'Brien Momma - Risa Torres Harold - Mr. Synyster Deputy Fred - Joel Harvey Little Girl - Krystal Baker Little Boy - Marhya Post Grampa - Rick Lewis Music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson  Cover Photos:  Alan Bridges (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com) "What kind of a place is it? Don't you know where you are?" *********************************************************** Where are You Now? This is a weird ass episode. I wrote this very deliberately in a stream of consciousness style, probably inspired by a weird dream, but I don't remember specifically. I did write the entire script in roughly one sitting, then cast and recorded it immediately - I wanted to see if I could make an entire episode in a single week, which I basically did. The most challenging effect in this was throwing the chiffoniere down the stairs. I actually have a sort of sequel - more in tone than using the same character(s), obviously - in mind, and may do it someday.  A big part of the idea for this was to make the vast bulk of the dialog mine, so I didn't have to get too much out of other people, thus making it a quicker recording turnaround. SPOILER ALERT!!! I'm going to explain, sort of, what this episode is and what it means, at the end of the transcript, below.  A lot of info will be there, since most of my memories of making this are tied up in why I wrote what I wrote. *********************************************************** WHERE ARE YOU NOW? Cast: Olivia Doc (F/40+), german, sounds like shrink Marnie (F/20), hysterical young woman Harold (M/30), mush mouthed freak Fred (M/30), a crooked deputy Old Man (M/senile) Creepy Little Girl (F/10) Creepy Little Boy (M/10) Momma (F/30ish), Mrs. Cleaver - with cleaver Jerry (M/20), Marnie's dead boyfriend. OLIVIA  Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Don't you know where you are?  MUSIC   SCENE 1. SOUND     A SLOW CHORD, WHICH STAYS UNTIL NOTED DOC    Where are you now? MARNIE    [startled awake] What? DOC    Can you hear my voice, Marnie? MARNIE    Yes. DOC    Where are you now? MARNIE    [slightly panicked] I - I don't know. DOC    Tell me what you see. MARNIE    I see a room.  DOC    Are there people in the room? MARNIE    [fear] Yes! DOC    You are safe, Marnie.  Calm down.  Now tell me what you see. MARNIE    [calm, almost robotic]  I see five people sitting at the table.  DOC    Are you sitting with them? MARNIE    No, I'm in the corner.  DOC    Do they know you're there? MARNIE    [ominous] Oh, yes. DOC    Tell me what they look like. MARNIE    There's a very old man, a small boy, a girl who looks a bit older than the boy, a police officer, and a very large man with a bag over his head. DOC    Is there food on the table? MARNIE    No.  It's not here yet. DOC    Good.  Tell me one thing about the little girl. MARNIE    Her eyes can suck your soul. DOC    Good.  And the old man? MARNIE    He has a scar on his leg that aches when it rains. DOC    Good.  Has the food arrived yet? MARNIE    The one with the bag is named Harold. DOC    Please answer only the questions I ask you, Marnie. MARNIE    [frightened, small]  I'm sorry. DOC    I forgive you.  MARNIE    I love you. DOC    That was not the question. MARNIE    [trying to remember] Um. Um.  The food!  No.  Still no food. DOC    Good.  Are you comfortable? MARNIE    [lying, almost a whisper] Yessss. DOC    Very good.  Tell me about where you are sitting. MARNIE    I'm in the corner. DOC    Are you in a chair?  Look down. MARNIE    It's a chair with wheels, and straps.  DOC    Straps?  Are you strapped in? MARNIE    [breathing hard, getting louder and louder] Yes - my hands are - hands are - I can move them, but the leather cuffs - like movies about crazy people! DOC    Are you crazy? MARNIE    [almost a wail] No! DOC    Can you control yourself, Marnie? MARNIE    [a couple of gasping breaths, then quickly] Yes! DOC    I can help you. MARNIE    [wail] No! No! [gasp, then tight but controlled] No.  I'm all right. DOC    For now. MARNIE    I feel... peachy. DOC    [beat] Your hands are restrained.  What else? MARNIE    There's a strap around my chest, and I can feel one around my legs. DOC    Do the people talk? MARNIE    Yes. Some.  They're waiting for someone. DOC    Someone?  Or the food? MARNIE    [almost hysterical] I don't know! DOC    What do they say?  Tell me exactly. MARNIE    I'll try-- DOC    [still even and calm] Trying isn't going to cut it, missy. MARNIE    [noisy gulp]  DOC    I know you can do it. MARNIE    [sob]  The man with the bag doesn't talk at all. DOC    Harold? MARNIE    Yes, Harold. DOC    And? MARNIE    The policeman says-- MUSIC     FADES OUT, NO OTHER TRANSITION   SCENE 2. FRED    You shoulda seen her!  Jumped clean over the fence.  BOY    I can do that. OLD MAN    Pancakes. FRED    You can't 'cause - 'cause you're a little butterball. BOY    I'm magic. GIRL    [pronouncing] You are a shoe. SOUND    CLATTER OF SPOON DROPPED ON PLATE OLD MAN    Pancakes!  Pan! Cakes! FRED    [panicky, trying to calm him]  Shh!  Shh!  Pancakes, yes.  It's all coming.  Shh.  Clouds.  [dropping to a whisper] Little white fluffy clouds. OLD MAN    [drawn out whisper]  Pancakesssss. Pancakes. SOUND    MOMENT OF SILENCE, THEN   SCENE 3. MUSIC    COMES IN WITH A CHORD DOC    [sigh] You know what happens when you lie to me. MARNIE    [resigned groan] I'm not lying. DOC    Pancakes? MARNIE    [almost a sob] Yes. DOC    The food - is it there yet? MARNIE    [sharp gasp, then frightened] It's coming! DOC    Good.  Let's move forward.  Who brings the food? MARNIE    [awe, fear] Momma. DOC    Tell me. MARNIE    [mounting fear]  Perfect.  Plastic.  Pearls.  Each hair in line, like sweet little soldiers.  DOC    She is carrying--? MARNIE    [rising fear] She ...has a cart.  There is a covered dish. DOC    What are you wearing? MARNIE    [snapped back] What? DOC    I ask the questions.  MARNIE    I'm sorry! DOC    What are you wearing.  Look down. MARNIE    Oh.  [beat] T-shirt, jeans - I can feel ... sneakers.  DOC    And--? MARNIE    What? DOC    [warning] And--? MARNIE    My clothes?  They're... torn up - I think I was in a fight. DOC    [calm again] Are you injured? MARNIE    [beat]  My ankle hurts.  I'm scratched up.  My... head... DOC    [avid] Is there blood? MARNIE    I - DOC    [avid] Is there blood? MARNIE    I - I don't think it's mine. DOC    Tell me who then. MARNIE    [on a long sigh] Jerry. DOC    How? MARNIE    [shocked] I found him in the barn.  He was flopped over the edge of the ...hayloft - I thought he was dead.  There was blood everywhere.  [starting to sob] Dripping all over me. DOC    What did you-- MARNIE    [interrupting, still sobbing] Then he - he moaned. MUSIC    FADES OUT   SCENE 4. JERRY    [very weak] Marnie! MARNIE    [whispering] Jerry!  Oh, god - Jerry! SOUND    CREAKING OF LADDER JERRY    Help... me.... MARNIE    Here, let me move you - [grunt as she drags him] JERRY    [moans, trying to keep quiet] MARNIE    Oh, god. JERRY    It's bad. MARNIE    I think so.  It's too dark. JERRY    [gasping, in agony] No.  It was the kid.  You have to get out of here! MARNIE    But you-- JERRY    I ... I'm not going anywhere ... you gotta go and get help! MARNIE    Where? JERRY    Just get the hell out!  The woods-- MARNIE    [smothered gasping sob] JERRY    [whisper] Shit! HAROLD    3,4 shut the door...? SOUND    BARN DOOR CREAKS OPEN MARNIE    [smothered gasping sob] SOUND    SILENCE, THEN   SCENE 5. MUSIC CUTS IN DOC    Is that when they took you in? MARNIE    No.  Jerry distracted him.  DOC    Who? MARNIE    Harold.  DOC    [satisfied, smug] Harold. MARNIE    [sobbing] After I jumped out the window, I heard Jerry scream. DOC    [warning] Did I ask? MARNIE    No? DOC    You don't sound very sure. MARNIE    [quick, panicky] No.  You didn't ask.  I'm sorry. DOC    I think you need a reminder-- MARNIE    Please!  I remember!  [long beat, then]  I... love you. DOC    Pancakes. MARNIE    Pancakes? DOC    Is the food on the table? MARNIE    [long shaky sigh of relief]  Yes. DOC    Where did you sleep? MARNIE    [blindsided] What? DOC    Where did you sleep? MARNIE    I didn't....  Oh, I was... knocked out.  The food‑‑? DOC    Please try and keep up.  When were you knocked out? MARNIE    That was later - after... Jerry. DOC    Who did it? MARNIE    Harold, I said it was Harold. DOC    That knocked you out. MARNIE    Oh, no.  He did Jerry. DOC    You're not following.  Let's have a break. MARNIE    [long wail] No!!! SOUND    ELECTRIC HUM MARNIE    Umumumumum.  [jittery series of hums, like being electrocuted] MUSIC    OUT SOUND    HEARTBEAT   SCENE 6. AMBIANCE    WOODS, CHEERFUL SOUND    CRUNCHING OF WALKING JERRY    Marnie? MARNIE    Yeah? JERRY    Uh, This camping trip isn't too bad, eh?  I mean, I know you didn't want to-- MARNIE    [sweet] It's not too bad.  Gloria had to beg me to get me to come, but...  It's OK. JERRY    I mean, what can you say against nature, right?  Fresh air, secluded lake.  Perfect for... skinny dipping? MARNIE    I brought a suit. JERRY    Ah... It'll be cool. MARNIE    Probably freezing - that's a glacier-fed lake.  But, yes, it will be fun. JERRY    Good.  You don't mind ...  Gloria being kinda busy all the time? MARNIE    Oh, you noticed?  [laughs] She and Tim haven't stopped fooling around since we got here. MUSIC SUDDENLY CUTS IN   SCENE 7. DOC    Better now? MARNIE    [gasping, shuddering, trying to force words out coherently]  Better.  Yes.  Of course. DOC    Good.  Let's continue. MARNIE    [snorty sob, then deep breath]  All right. DOC    Jerry died. MARNIE    [almost a sob] Yes. DOC    You loved him. MARNIE    I think so. DOC    You don't know? MARNIE    I - I liked him, but we were just getting to know... each... other?  [afraid she said something wrong, gasping snorty sobs] DOC    [beat, then slightly disdainful]  How sweet. MARNIE    [she calms a bit] DOC    Did you screw him? MARNIE    No! DOC    Of course not - pure sweet innocent you. MARNIE    I-- I don't-- DOC    [casual] Shut up. MARNIE    [hiccuping gasp] DOC    Where is Gloria? MARNIE    Gloria?  [starting to cry]  She's my best friend. DOC    Was that the question? MARNIE    She... she... Um [trying to remember] she's dead? DOC    [sigh, tsks]  MARNIE    No - no!  She's - was - in the van. DOC    Very good. [beat]  When did you find her? MARNIE    Uh - after the barn.  I was trying to get away.  [suddenly remembering] Jerry gave me the keys. DOC    Good old Jerry.  Go on. MARNIE    I ran to the van, and Gloria and Tim ... were...  [sobs] DOC    Please be specific. MARNIE    [through sobs] They were in the middle of - you know-- DOC    Sex? MARNIE    Yes.  They were together, and someone had cut off... both... their... heads...! DOC    [Tsks] MARNIE    The heads were lined up next to them... like they were watching. DOC    Charming. MARNIE    Checking their progress. DOC    Has the food arrived? MARNIE    [gasp, stops herself from speaking, then dead calm] Yes.  Momma is in the room. DOC    What does she do? MARNIE    [getting agitated] She opens the dish. DOC    What is in the dish? MARNIE    [almost incapable of speaking] Sssteam. DOC    Look down at your lap. MARNIE    [snort, hiccup] Yes. DOC    What do you see? MARNIE    My knees.  Blood.  The carpet.  I'm glad the blood is all tacky, so it won't drip and ruin the carpet.  They would be so angry. DOC    Are they talking? MARNIE    Yes. DOC    Don't look.  Just speak the words. MARNIE    Momma says-- MUSIC     OUT   SCENE 8. MOMMA    Three cheers for the founder of the feast. FRED    Hip hip hooray-- [tapers off, when he realizes no one else is with him]  Oh. LITTLE GIRL    Can I eat the tail? LITTLE BOY    Pancakes. OLD MAN    PAN CAKES! FRED    You just had to set him off! Didn't you? HAROLD    [quietly] 1-2 buckle my shoe. OLD MAN    PanCAKES! Lovely golden brown. MOMMA    Nothing like a nice dinner together.    SCENE 9. DOC    Are there empty chairs? MARNIE    No.  They are all here. DOC    What about your chair? MARNIE    I'm in it. DOC    Are you?  Look back.  MARNIE    I'm strapped in. DOC    You must have got free. MARNIE    Yes.  I-- [gasps and catches herself] DOC    What? MARNIE    I'm sorry.  That wasn't the question. DOC    Good girl. SOUND    ELECTRICITY MARNIE    [hums and groans with the jolts] SOUND    HEARTBEAT   SCENE 10. AMBIANCE    OUTSIDE, PLEASANT WOODS JERRY    Don't worry about it.  It was probably just a hiker or something. MARNIE    [mildly worried] But he looked so weird.  His face was like a puzzle. JERRY    It was just the bushes. MARNIE    I know. JERRY    I bet it was the weird guy we saw on the road on the way in.  You know, the one that just stood there and stared as we drove past.  You know.  Now, we all agreed this weekend is for fun. SOUND    SPLASH MARNIE    What was that? JERRY    What? MARNIE    The splash? JERRY    Wow, you need some serious relaxation.  MARNIE    But I heard a splash, and -- Something  wet? JERRY    Nonsense.  [fading out] It's just last night's rain. DOC    [whispered voice, very spooky]  Marnie. MARNIE    Jerry!  I know you must have heard that! JERRY    Marnie, you're making yourself into a basket case.  There's nobody for miles around!  It's perfectly safe. MARNIE    But that voice-- DOC    [quick echoey whisper] Marnie.  MARNIE    It knows my name! DOC    Wake up! SOUND    WOODS VANISH   SCENE 11. MARNIE    [Crying]  Why can't you just leave me? DOC    Now, that wouldn't do either of us any good, would it?  MARNIE    I want to stay there.  With my friends. DOC    And die? MARNIE    [hiccups sobs, then uncertain] Yes. DOC    I don't think that's quite true. MARNIE    Yes. DOC    You fought so hard to get here. MARNIE    I walked on broken glass. DOC    Poor toes.  Poor little piggies. MARNIE    [resigned] What do you want? DOC    I ask the questions. MARNIE    [sigh]  Fine.  Go on. DOC    I also give the orders. MARNIE    [beat, sniff]  I'm ready. DOC    Maybe you can learn the rules.  [beat]  Very good.  Where are you now? MARNIE    Right here. DOC    Are you? MARNIE    [unsure] Yes. DOC    Close your eyes and when you open them, you will see clouds. MARNIE    Clouds? DOC    Do you see them? MARNIE    I'm afraid. DOC    Open your eyes. MARNIE    Clouds.   SCENE 12. OLD MAN    k-k-k-k-ake. LITTLE GIRL    Burn it. MOMMA    Dig in! FRED    Again? LITTLE BOY    There's a face in my soup.   SCENE 13. MARNIE    [screams] DOC    Don't backslide.  MARNIE    [screams and sobs] DOC    [tsks] And we were making such good progress.  [sigh] SOUND    SINGLE SHORT JOLT OF ELECTRICITY MARNIE    [gasps to a stop] DOC     Just right.  Thought I was going to lose you. MARNIE    I can't look!  Not at that! DOC    Have to toughen you up. MARNIE    I can't-- DOC    Look down. MARNIE    My lap.  DOC    And in your lap? MARNIE    Hands. DOC    Restrained? MARNIE    Yes. DOC    Really? MARNIE    [unsure]  Yes? DOC    Then how will you escape? MARNIE    I... can't. DOC    That is not the right answer. MARNIE    Please help me! DOC    Are they very tight? MARNIE    No.  But if I get loose, they'll see. DOC    But if you don't get loose while they eat, you will end up in the clouds. MARNIE    Pancakes. DOC    Precisely.  Can you pull loose? MARNIE    I have to brace it against my leg. DOC    Good girl.  Now you're thinking.  Describe the room. MARNIE    The table-- DOC    I know about the table.  Where are the windows and doors? MARNIE    The windows are steamed over. DOC    Doors? MARNIE    Momma came from the kitchen.  To my right.  [slowly, carefully looking around]  There's a door beside me.  Over my left shoulder. DOC    Watch them.  Tell me what they're saying while you get your hands free. MARNIE    I can't-- DOC    Do you want it again? MARNIE    No!  [beat, breathing harshly]  I can't look at them. DOC    Listen. MUSIC   SCENE 14. LITTLE BOY    I'm not hungry. LITTLE GIRL    I'll eat yours. I want to grow up big and strong. OLD GUY    [mmm mmm mmm - chewing noisily] HAROLD    Five, six. FRED    Tasty, momma.  As usual. MOMMA    Oh, you! MARNIE    Almost. DOC    Talk to me, not them. MARNIE    It hurts. DOC    Life is pain. MOMMA    Clean your plate, Hun. FRED    He's a little butterball. MOMMA    [cold as ice] That's not nice. FRED    Sorry, Momma.  Sorry!  I love you. MOMMA    Did I ask you?  Harold - look at this mess.  HAROLD    Lay them straight? MOMMA    You can take him and hose him off.  FRED    Yes, momma.  MOMMA    And soak that pillowcase.  [cutesy] Can't have my good linens all stained. FRED    Can I finish eating first? MOMMA    [cold] I don't know, can you? FRED    May I? MOMMA    [sweetness] Of course, dear.  MUSIC   SCENE 15. MARNIE    My right hand is free. DOC    Don't struggle too much.  These buckles are tough for a reason. MARNIE    I think the one with the bag-- DOC    Harold. MARNIE    --is watching me, but I can't tell. DOC    Does he say anything? MARNIE    No... DOC    Once you get your wrists free, what will you do? MARNIE    The strap around my chest-- DOC    And your legs? MARNIE    I don't think that one is very tight. DOC    Don't underestimate it. MARNIE    Why are you helping me? DOC    [kindly] I ask the questions. MARNIE    Right.  Sorry. DOC    No need.  Who am I? MARNIE    What?  I mean, I don't understand.  I don't know. DOC    I think you do. MARNIE    No.  I don't know why I'm here. DOC    But you're not. MARNIE    Not what? DOC    Is your wrist free? MARNIE    Yes. DOC    Move your hands slowly to the buckle, then quickly unhook it. MARNIE    Slowly. DOC    Cats see movement. MARNIE    Rods or cones?  I forget. DOC    Clouds.  Watch the clouds.  Unhook the strap. MARNIE    Freeze.  They're looking. DOC    Don't move.  Let them forget. MUSIC   SCENE 16. FRED    Should we feed HER? LITTLE GIRL    Throw something at her. MOMMA    A night without supper will do her good.  Take Harold - there's a good boy. FRED    Yes, momma. LITTLE BOY    I want a finger.  Can I take a finger? MOMMA    If you're good.  I'll save one for you. LITTLE BOY    Good as goat. OLD MAN    Gold.  Gold is good.  Golden brown.  Pancakes.... k-k-cake! MOMMA    Yes, popsy.  All good. MUSIC   SCENE 17. DOC    And now? MARNIE    They're looking away.  Maybe they will leave me. DOC    Not if they see your wrists are loose.  Quick - choose. MARNIE    Choose what? DOC    Unbuckle and run or pretend you're still secure and wait. MARNIE    My ankle hurts. DOC    Then sit. MARNIE    I'll put my hands back. DOC    We will see. MARNIE    D'you think they will? DOC    I can't see the future. MARNIE    Isn't this a memory? DOC    Is it? MARNIE    Where did I go when I got free? DOC    I ask the questions. MARNIE    But I don't remember. DOC    Take it one moment at a time.  Who am I? MARNIE    A doctor? DOC    Medical? MARNIE    No.  DOC    Ah - now you're thinking.  Let's get through this. MARNIE    They've left the room. DOC    You are alone? MARNIE    The old man is still here.  They'll come back for him. DOC    What can you do about that? MARNIE    I'll run. DOC    He'll yell like a klaxon. MARNIE    I've got the buckle undone.  Now my legs. DOC    Why don't you kill him? MARNIE    What? DOC    I ask the questions.  MUSIC    FADES TO "ROOM TONE"   SCENE 18. SOUND    STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS MARNIE    I'm sorry - I thought I didn't hear you right.  You said to-- DOC    There are always pancakes in heaven.  MARNIE    Open the gates and let him [exertion] IN! OLD GUY    Oof! [dying noises] SOUND    SQUISH OF KNIFE INTO FLESH, GUSH OF BLOOD DOC    Is there another knife? MARNIE    I have it-- SOUND    METAL COVER FALLS TO FLOOR MARNIE    [wail] No! DOC    Stop.  MARNIE    [quick] I'm sorry.  The platter!  Oh, god! DOC    Steam.  Clouds. MARNIE    Jerry! DOC    Don't look. MARNIE    I can't -- DOC    Jerry is gone.  Do it for him. MARNIE    [hissing whisper] Yesss. DOC    Knife? MARNIE    Cleaver. DOC    Nice. MARNIE    [turning a bit gleeful] Cleaver.  Momma.  Kitchen. DOC    Sounds like a plan. MARNIE    Thank you. DOC    I love you. MARNIE    [serious]  That means a lot.   SCENE 19. SOUND    KITCHEN DOOR SWINGS OPEN DOC    Keep down. MOMMA    Hmm?  What? SOUND    HIGH HEEL FOOTSTEPS MOMMA    Who's playing games? MARNIE    [whispered] Come just a little closer. SOUND    A COUPLE MORE FOOTSTEPS MOMMA    Hello? DOC    Now! MARNIE    Ungh! SOUND    KNIFE CUTS NYLONS, LEG.  MOMMA    [screams] SOUND    BODY COLLAPSES, SHOE SCRABBLES ON TILE FLOOR, BLOOD SPURTS DOC    Neatly done.  Hamstring.  Quick or slow? MARNIE    No time.  Ungh! SOUND    KNIFE GOES IN AGAIN MOMMA    [gurgling, choking] SOUND    HANDS SKITTER ACROSS TILES, THEN FLOP AND DROP DOC    [long sigh]  Such a pretty color. MARNIE    Looks good on her. DOC    Four to go. MARNIE    Jerry said it was the kid who... [almost breaks] ...got ...him. DOC    You're finally taking this all seriously. SOUND    THUMP OVERHEAD MARNIE    How many stairs would the house have? SOUND    DOOR OPENS A CRACK DOC    [kindly] I ask the questions.  You'll have to count them. MARNIE    I should see if there's something longer.  DOC    Tablecloths can cloud the issue. MARNIE    You and your clouds. SOUND    FEET COMING DOWN THE STAIRS DOC    six, five, four-- MARNIE    Three, two one --- SOUND    DOOR STARTS TO OPEN, THEN IS SLAMMED SHUT, BODY FALLS FRED    [yell, groan] DOC    Full point. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN AGAIN FRED    Momma?  What are you doing--? MARNIE    I ask the questions. DOC    I love you. FRED    I think you broke my-- urk! SOUND    KNIFE PLUNGES INTO THROAT FRED    [gurgling as he dies] DOC    It's quite warm, isn't it? MARNIE    Yes. DOC    Hot. MARNIE    Boiling. DOC    [concerned] Steam? MARNIE    [dismissive] Clouds. DOC    [satisfied] Yesss.  Time to go hunting. MARNIE    Rods or cones? DOC    Sticks and stones. MARNIE    [chuckles]   SCENE 20. SOUND    CAREFUL FOOTSTEPS UP THE STAIRS SOUND    CREAK, FEET STOP DOC    Steady. Where are you now? MARNIE    Almost to the top. DOC    What do you see? MARNIE    Hallway.  Doors.  DOC    And behind you? MARNIE    Just the stairs.  DOC    [stern]  Did you look, or just guess? MARNIE    [panicky] Sorry!  I'll - I'll look.  It's stairs.  The door at the bottom is shut. DOC    Did you shut it? MARNIE    [almost a wail] I don't remember! DOC    Calm down.  One, two buckle my shoe-- HAROLD    [off, calling] Three four, shut the door-- MARNIE    [quiet, calming herself]  Five six.  Pick.  Up.  Sticks. DOC    Harold is looking too. MARNIE    [calm again] Yes. DOC    Don't forget the children. MARNIE    [breaks a little] Jerry DOC    Yah, dear Jerry. HAROLD    [coming closer] Seven? eight?  Lay them straight? MARNIE    [very quietly] Marco! DOC    [chuckles nastily, then]  Here in the hall, or one of the rooms? MARNIE    Here.  Here I have someplace to go-- SOUND    DOOR WRENCHED OPEN AT BOTTOM OF STAIRS HAROLD    Nine, ten - a big fat hen! DOC    What will you do now?  SOUND    FOOTSTEPS COMING UP STAIRS SOUND    GRIND OF FURNITURE BEING MOVED MARNIE    [exerting herself] No one ever fights them.  That's why. DOC    What was the question? HAROLD    Eleven, Twelve - dig and delve. MARNIE    [exerting] Why do they always win? DOC    Excellent. MARNIE    I love you. DOC    Of course. SOUND    GRIND OF FURNITURE ENDS, HEAVY SOMETHING GOES THUMPING DOEN THE STAIRS MARNIE    Hah! HAROLD    [scream of outrgae] DOC    Don't get too full of yourself-- SOUND    STAB MARNIE    [gasp of pain] LITTLE GIRL    [flat] You broke the chiffonier. DOC    It's low.  You'll live.  For a while.  Kill her. MARNIE    She's just a kid! SOUND    SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS BACKING UP, SMALL CHILD FOOTSTEPS STALKING, INTERMITTENT DRIPPING DOC    You do not ask the questions! MARNIE    [meek and in pain] No.  I'm sorry! LITTLE GIRL    We could have played.  [tsks] SOUND    KNIVES SHARPENING MARNIE    You hurt me! LITTLE GIRL    If I didn't, Harold would just have to. MARNIE    I- I can't! DOC    No time for breaks now.  Give or take.  [beat, solemn] I love you. MARNIE    I'm sorry. SOUND    MARNIE DASHES FORWARD MARNIE    Ung! SOUND    PICKS UP GIRL AND TOSSES HER DOWN THE STAIRS LITTLE GIRL    [noises of indignation as she falls] SOUND    THUMPS AND BUMPS DOC    [whispered] No breaks. MARNIE    I'm... hurt. SOUND    STICKY NOISE DOC    You should go home. SOUND    [OFF] DOOR SLAMS OPEN MARNIE    Harold! DOC    In here! MARNIE    Aah! HAROLD    [incoherent high pitched scream] SOUND    BODY SLAMS AGAINST DOOR, DOOR SLAMS OPEN, BODY TUMBLES INTO ROOM.  MARNIE SCOOTCHES AWAY FROM DOOR.   SCENE 21. SOUND    MARNIE SCRAMBLES UP TO HER FEET DOC    Out the window. MARNIE    [panting heavily] SOUND    FOOTSTEPS DRAG ACROSS THE ROOM, DRIPPING.  SOUND    POUNDING ON THE WINDOW MARNIE    It won't open. DOC    It is glass. MARNIE    [long gasping breath, then] ungh! SOUND    WINDOW SHATTERS DOC    Out! MARNIE    But I can't see-- DOC    You can see what's in here. MARNIE    [scream as she jumps] SOUND    ELECTRIC NOISES   SCENE 22. DOC    Where are you now? AMBIANCE    NIGHTTIME, OUTSIDE MARNIE    I'm on the ground.  What should I do? DOC    [rueful] You don't ask the questions. MARNIE    Zap me again.  DOC    It's much too late for that.  Why aren't you running? MARNIE    I think I'm broken. DOC    Will that stop you? MARNIE    I don't care any more. DOC    Are you absolutely sure? SOUND    DOOR BANGS OPEN, OFF MARNIE    [crying, crawling] DOC    Is it bad? MARNIE    Yes. DOC    I am sorry. MARNIE    I know. HAROLD    [howling] DOC    I love you. LITTLE BOY    [off] There she goes! HAROLD    [howling] SOUND    CHAINSAW REVS DOC    Where are you now? MARNIE    In deep shit. DOC    Where? MARNIE    Out back. SOUND    HEAVY FEET RUN ACROSS GRAVEL, COMING ON DOC    Where are you going? SOUND    BODY DROPS MARNIE    [muffled, crying] Nowhere. DOC    Nowhere? MARNIE    [panting, crying a little] I can't. My leg. SOUND    ROAR OF CHAINSAW GETS CLOSER DOC    What do you want? MARNIE    How can you ask that? DOC    It's my job. MARNIE    [beat]  Jerry-- DOC    But Jerry's-- MARNIE    [sob] Yes! DOC    Very well.  Let's take that break. SOUND     ELECTRIC HUM MARNIE    Umumum SOUND    HEARTBEAT   SCENE 23. AMB    NICEY WOODS SOUND    FOOTSTEPS JERRY    [teasing] What took you so long? MARNIE    [bright] Sorry.  Got a little caught up. JERRY    Is there anything wrong? MARNIE    No, Not anymore. JERRY    Wanna go down to the lake? MARNIE    More than anything. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS IN LEAVES SOUND    ECHOEY, DISTANT - CHAINSAW, MARNIE'S SCREAMS CLOSER OLIVIA    Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back.  Maybe next week?  Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...   *********************************************************** The "Truth": This story is going on inside the disturbed mind of a victim of a "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" type event.  Her boyfriend and other friends were killed by this creepy family of cannibals, and she was captured and chained to a chair. At first it sounds like she is being psychoanalyzed after the fact, but eventually it becomes clear that this is not "after" anything, she is still stuck in the events she is describing. The "Doctor" voice is, in fact, inside her head, and seems to represent her logic or her survival instinct - keeping her head clear and focused while the rest of her is busy panicking.  For example, the voice guides her to look around, to avoid things that are disturbing, and to focus on getting herself free. When all else fails, Doc "shocks" Marnie into a faint, where she experiences a pleasant flashback/dream to calm her down before returning to reality. To add to the dreamlike atmosphere of the story, and the connectedness of the two, the voices of Marnie and Doc are both played by me, and rotate - moving across the soundscape to trade places - very slowly throughout the episode. At the end, when there is no remaining hope, Marnie begs Doc for the shock - so she can be unconscious and "in a better place" when they ultimately kill her - and Doc kindly allows it.

I dagens avsnitt pratar vi om Focus bockningar under uteritter, om några konstiga kommentarer vi fått på vår Youtubekanal och grottar också ner oss lite om algoritmer på Youtube och Instagram. Vi pratar återigen om nosgrimmor och också om hur fräsch och fin Boppis har blivit nu det senaste. Pappa verkar sugen på att utöka hästfamiljen med ytterligare en häst. Vi får se hur det blir med den saken...Ni hittar oss på Instagram: @systrarnaelfstrand @emmaelfstrand @annaelfstrand Vår Youtubekanal: https://www.youtube.com/user/EmmaElfstrandVår webshop med häst- och ryttarartiklar: https://hasthuset.se/shop/frontpage.html See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

   Every now and then I sit down to prepare an episode of this amazing podcast and go through all the trappings that encapsulate the perfect writing scenario. I decide on the restaurant, I locate the desirable seat, which has is preferably a comfy booth with plenty of room to spread out my stuff, order the food, then get to writing. On most occasions, I’ve already decided what I’m going to write about and have become sufficiently submerged in the goo of mental hype so that when I break out the blue tooth keyboard and see that it will turn on despite my constantly forgetting to change the battery that was put in it five years ago, I’m able to immediately go to town on the story. Sometimes, though, it doesn’t work out so easily. Sometimes I can’t decide where I want to eat and drive around aimlessly, looking at restaurant signs, going, Nope. Nope. Nope. Ungh uh. Never. Nyet. Nine. Maybe ... ehhhh ... Nope. And that just puts me in a foul temper, which usually makes the mental hype goo stinky. And then there are times like this one, when I see that a dining room is BACK OPEN since the pandemic started and I shout to the rooftops, THERE! ORDER ALL THE THINGS AND EAT THEM INSIDE LIKE A STARVED CARNIVORE! Unfortunately, I got so overwhelmed with the thought of eleven herbs and spices being devoured in their own confines that I left my bottle of fresh mental hype goo on the kitchen table with the laundry that needs to be folded and hung. Lucky for me, I keep a running list of topics on my phone for just such a scenario and I started to skim over them while my mashed potatoes cooled. Nope. Nope. Nope. Ungh uh. Never. Nyet. Nine. Maybe ... ehhhhh ... nope. But the I saw it ... there at the bottom of the list. The Bin Store! I’m Michael Blackston and I’m about to fill your in on one of the latest obsessions that fills at least an hour of week of my Funny Messy Life. _________________________   It started with a man in my church - a man my daddy worked with, before he retired, at the Georgia National Guard. It was before the pandemic started and nobody thought anything about rummaging after strangers through big, wooden bins full of items that were returned to retailers and had now been loaded into a truck and dumped out for sale at enormous discounts. The man from my church caught me on the way out after the service and said, “Tell your daddy to quit going to the bin store. He don’t need no more crap.” He was joking around, of course. It was his way of telling me to say “hey” to my daddy’nem. But I was intrigued and I asked him what he was talking about. He went on to explain to me that the bin store was a new place that had opened up[ in the building where Family Dollar used to be. He told me how it worked and that he saw my daddy in there all the time. The next time I saw my dad, I asked him about it ... after I told him Bill said “hey”. Dad’s eyes grew large and filled with what you might describe as unbridled  whimsy as he dug around in his own head, like a child recalling the first time they saw the castle at the center of Magic Kingdom. My dad’s head is quite the realm filled with glass and clay and plaster and arrowheads. And lately a lot of God, which is a good thing. “It’s a place like no other, my son. At the bin store, your wildest dreams can come true on any given day. It’s a place of miracles and pain. A place of lovely, fragrant aromas and sometimes, the unmistakable stench of unwashed body parts. At the bin store, treasures be found and fer certain, monsters be thar too!” That was all I needed to hear, I mean, come on! Treasures and monsters ... miracles and pain ... lovely fragrances. I wasn’t crazy about the aspect of unwashed hind parts, but hey ... sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Here’s how it works, if you’re not familiar with the ins and outs of a bin store. And I’m sure they each have their individual nuances that make them special in their own way. You enter through the doors and immediately get the sense of both chaos and possibility. The central feature, of course, is the bins, which should be filled to the brim with stuff you might want. Yes, it’s stuff somebody else didn’t want, but one man’s trash is another man’s treasure and all that. But it’s not a yard sale. There are items I’ve run across that were obviously pre-owned, but for the most part, it’s new ... just maybe damaged a hair or missing a small part. Some of it, though ... WHOO BOY, SOME OF IT ... is pristine, high quality stuff you’d pay a pretty penny for. But wait, you don’t have to pay a pretty penny for it. Why? Because it’s the bin store and they dumped a truckload of junk in the bins that people are just trying to get rid of. Wherever it came from was a place where it had no value for whatever reason. Maybe the demographic was wrong or when Amazon shipped it - there’s a bunch of Amazon returns - it wasn’t exactly what they thought they wanted. Maybe that’s part of the allure. Maybe knowing I might be able to save something from the Bin of Misfit Crapola is what’s drawing me there, on top of the thrill of the hunt. After all, I don’t hunt things that can run away, except the mouse that’s in my pantry - his name is Jerry - and I can’t catch him because I refuse to kill him and he ignores the humane trap ... a trap I bought at the bin store. The next reason to check out your local retailer of bin sweetness is the prices. Now, at this time, I have a bone to pick with my local store. As I’ve said before, I’m not a huge fan of changing things up, especially when I’ve just gotten used to the system. When the store first opened, They had a tiered format. The day they dumped a fresh truck, all items were six dollars. That’s awesome to start with, because I’ve found some amazing things on what most of the regulars creatively called, Six Dollar Day. But the next day was ... wait for it  ... FIVE DOLLAR DAY! Everything that wasn’t bought the day before was even a dollar cheaper. Then it was Four Dollar Day, Three Dollar Day, and finally,  Two Dollar Day. Those of us who weren’t worn out from thinking up clever names for the different days could get anything in the bins for two bucks! It’s a gambler’s paradise because what you aren’t willing to buy for $6, you can try to wait out and get cheaper. Maybe it’ll still be there and maybe it won’t. That electric tea kettle you had your eye on - you know, the one with the tiny dent you decided you could turn toward the back side of the kitchen counter - yeah, it might get buried beneath layers of torn boxes of dental floss and packs of male grooming kits called, MANSCAPED, or it might catch the eye of someone who loved it for what it was and didn’t care if the dent faced the wall or not. Then again, it might be there on Two Dollar Day, victoriously shining like a beacon in all its chrome-plated glory. But now, they’ve changed their structure. Every day is Six Dollar Day and the bins are filling up to obnoxious levels because people come get the new truck stuff that’s worth $6 and ignore the lesser merchandise. Then they dump another truck and the unwanted stuff just stays. The initial structure cleared the bins better as people were willing to spend a couple of bucks on the discarded trash left after most of the good stuff is gone. It’s not always a successful trip, either way. Sometimes the bin store yields treasures beyond my wallet’s capacity, even at the low prices, and sometimes the pickings are as desolate as the brains of the average politician. I have a kind of niche product I’m typically on the lookout for. Musical or recording equipment are especially irresistible. Take the microphone that I’m using to record this podcast. It’s made by Amazon. Amazon Basics is written right on the side, but it’s nice and heavy. It’s sturdy and it’s directional, which is great for podcasts and vocal recording because directional means that you have to be directly in front of it with it pointing directly at the face part of your face for it to pick up like it’s designed. Normally, I’ll be using my RODE NT1 fancy-pants professional condenser mic to record the podcast, and condensers pick up from everywhere around you. It’s one of the things that make it so important to sound treat your studio well if you’re gonna use a mic like the NT1 and now I’ve run off on a tangent, so let’s get back to the bin store. Anyway, I’m using the Amazon mic this time to prove a point. The sound is nice from a microphone I dislodged from underneath a pile of bed sheets and off-brand sanitary napkins. When you order it from Amazon, it comes with a nice XLR cable and has a 4.5 our of 5 star average rating as a product. Amazon charges $20 for it. And guess what? I’ve bought three of them from the bin store!  For me, it’s fantastic because people are ALWAYS asking to borrow my microphones for things like weddings and such. They don’t always make their way back to me, so these bin store finds are a real steal! It’s something to consider as well, if you’re thinking about doing some recording of your own. One of the first problems new podcasters discover is getting their hands on halfway decent equipment. This episode experiment goes to show that you don’t have to have a RODE NT1 or better to achieve good sound.  I also love other equipment such as the accessories that go with microphones and recording gear. I’ve bought three different boom arms with shock mounts - - items that can get quite expensive - and outfitted my studio with more professional style equipment. I won’t go into the details about boom arms and shock mounts. Look them up on Uncle Google if you’re curious. I just wanted to give some praise to the humble bin store. I didn’t even mention $20 bag day, which is the best day of all - the day when you’re invited to fill a garbage bag with whatever is in the bins and the entire bag is only $20. It’s another way to clear out the smalls that clutter up the bins. There hasn’t been one of those days, either, in a while and I’m jonesing for it. So if you have one, check out your local bin store. It takes a minute to get into the groove, to get over the feeling that you’re dumpster diving. But I promise, once you find that thing, and you’ll know it when you see it, you’ll be hooked. Like me and daddy.

Det här avsnittet handlar om Ridhästtestet och vi tar också upp lyssnarfrågor om unghästbedömningar generellt. Precis som i avsnittet om Unghästtest gästas vi av de erfarna SWB-domarna Christina Olsson och Susanne Axén som hjälper oss att reda ut begreppen. Här kan du läsa mer om SWBs unghästbedömningar, se filmer om hur de går till och få mer tips: https://swb.org/unghastbedomningar/  

Vad är ett unghästtest? Hur går det till? Varför ska man visa sin häst? Vad tittar domarna på? Dessa och många fler frågor besvaras i avsnittet där de erfarna SWB-domarna Christina Olsson och Susanne Axén gästar oss. 

Vilka var årets prylar 2020? Kommer vattendelaren graman göra en comeback 2021? Vi pratar stora hästar vs långa hästar, hyllar vår hästmamma Jessica Öhlander och frågar hästarna vad de har för nyårslöften. Plus: Steve Guerdat är en otippad gullis.Ämnen som tas upp i podden:Unghäst, hästköp, hoppning, kraftdjur, hjälptyglar Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I andra delen av vårt snack med Björn Unghästverkstaden Svensson pratar vi Wellingtonresan som bekostades av fölet Gurkan, hur man ska ta kritik, vad Björn och hans sambo Frida Seger bråkar om och vilken som är den bästa falltekniken. Plus: Den VERKLIGA hjälmdebatten uppstår. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Unghästverkstadens Björn Svensson började rida in hästar som litet barn med en teknik baserad på det han lärt sig om hästviskeri av filmen Black Beauty. Nu i efterhand påminner det mer om Jackass. Men något blev i alla fall väldigt rätt för i dag är han en av Sveriges mest profilstarka unghästutbildare och har tagit fram en Breeders Cup-vinnare. Vi ringde upp honom för Hästtransportens första dubbelavsnitt! Vilka hästar får Björn Svensson att gråta? Varför behöver man humor för att rida unghäst? Hur känns det att vinna Breeders? Och hur ska vi vintervila våra speedade bebisar utan att någon inblandad slår ihjäl sig?Del 1 av 2 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I would do anything for min häst... but I won't do that. Hästfilosofiska rummet gästas den här veckan av den ridande veganen och vårt externa samvete: Roxy Farhat. Hon synar våra bortförklaringar, och är skoningslös mot hyckleriet i hästeriet. Vi säger att vi älskar våra hästar - men spärrar bokstavligen in dem bakom galler och utsätter dem för högrisksporter som hoppning. Så vad hade våra hästar gjort om de fick välja _helt_ själva? Och går det alls att rida med gott samvete? Vi pratar om ridningens villkor, och att den som i slutändan alltid tvingas kompromissa mest är hästen. Plus bildar punkbandet Bränn Tränsen.Ämnen i avsnittet: Natural Horsemanship, Etik, Djurrätt, Djurskydd, Veganism, Filosofi, Unghästar, Bett, Ridning, Hoppning, Fälttävlan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Kråkan har varit på uppfostringsanstalt hos Björn Unghästverkstaden Svensson och Malin Rinné på Sundsmåla Gård. Där fanns även ryttar-PT Linda Hemmingson som gav Linn insikten att hon har två (!) rövar, som vi kommer få se in action nästa tävlingssäsong. Soja avger psykopatvibbar för andra avsnittet i rad, men berättar också om en livsviktig insikt hon fick av att lyssna på vår systerpod Något i Hästväg - dvs att hon lever som en laglös i Team BallaUr-bubblan. Har Soja en osund inställning till faror? Vad finns det nu igen för bra anledningar till att inte ramla av? Plus: Är dressyrryttare smartare än hoppryttare? Antagligen. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Foderforskaren Cecilia Müller från SLU svarar på lyssnarnas frågor om näringsbehov och utfodring av avelsston och växande unghästar. Varför är det viktigt att analysera sitt grovfoder och hur tolkar man analysrapporten? Vad gör man när det digivande stoet tappar snabbt i vikt? Och hur ska Gustaf göra för att få upp näringsvärdet i sina beten? Detta och mycket mer får du reda på i avsnittet! Så tolkar du analysrapporten på foder: https://hastsverige.se/hastens-miljo/foderstatsprogram/tolkning/ SLUs/HästSveriges foderstatsprogram hittar du här https://hastsverige.se/hastens-miljo/foderstatsprogram/

I veckans avsnitt blev det nått vajsing med ljudet, hoppas ni har överseende med detta (det ska inte hända igen)! Vi pratar om tävlingarna som varit på Brolöten och en uppridning på K1 för Victoria. Frågan denna veckan handlar om unghästtestet som Emelie är iväg på i helgen med sina två svarta hingstar. Håll tummarna samtidigt som ni lyssnar! 

Hur har Coronapandemin hittills påverkat avelsverksamheten och unghästbedömningssäsongen? Hur går unghästtestet till och varför behöver alla hästar vid unghästtest göra samma sak?

Robert Ungh är företagare och digital kreatör, han har ett eget företag som sysslar med aktiviteter in the great Outdoor. Han är fotograf och ambassadör för Panasonic Lumix och han har även varit med att startat flera IT-företag, Outdoor Guide Robert guidar folk i norra Sveriges natur genom sitt företag Upp Lev Ner på cykel, skidor eller apostlahästarna. Fotograf Genom My Sound Of Silence publicerar Robert sina foton, oftast från strapatser genom naturen och från hans toppturer på våra svenska snötäckta berg. Lavintekniker Herr Ungh är utbildad lavintekniker och är digital kreatör på twICEme IT Robert är medägare och digital kreatör på Sherpas Group. Länkar http://www.upplevner.se/ https://avntyr.com/ My Sound Of Silence Sherpas Group twICEme https://www.linkedin.com/in/robert-ungh-526a4642/ https://www.instagram.com/upplevner/ https://www.instagram.com/robertungh/ Robert Ungh @ Twitter Tawai: A Voice from the Forest  Alla avsnitt av The Larsson Pod

Robert Ungh är företagare och digital kreatör, han har ett eget företag som sysslar med aktiviteter in the great Outdoor. Han är fotograf och ambassadör för Panasonic Lumix och han har även varit med att startat flera IT-företag, Outdoor Guide Robert guidar folk i norra Sveriges natur genom sitt företag Upp Lev Ner på cykel, Läs mer ...

Medan massmedia går i taket över Paolo Robertos sexaffärer väljer de helt att ignorera Tommie Lindh, 19-åringen som mördades av en afrikan när han försökte stoppa en våldtäkt. Det talar vi om, men också om yttrandefrihet, Unghögern och folkomröstningen i Sjöbo 1988. Inlägget Kväll med Svegot #86: Vänsterns totala hyckleri dök först upp på Radio Svegot.

- Nedslag i rörelsens historia: Folkomröstningen i Sjöbo 1988- Unghögern: Varför valde Sverige socialdemokratin istället för Rudolf Kjelléns idéer?- Paolo Roberto har betett sig som ett svin men trumfas av den hycklande vänstern. - Efterspelet kring mordet på Tommie Lindh belyser maktens svenskfientlighet.- Yttrandefrihet till varje pris, eller? Vi tittar på lagstiftning i Tyskland och Ungern.Deltagare: Dan Eriksson, Magnus Söderman och Björn BjörkqvistOrganisera dig: https://www.detfriasverige.seStöd programmet: https://www.svegot.se/plusLäs vår tidskrift: https://www.nationalisten.se

Sleep e apda mate bau jaruri che Jem jamva ma mithu ochhu hoi k nakhyu nai hoi to jamvano taste na ave tem j ungh vagar apdu body and mind kaam na kari sake. Yog sadhna karnar 3 n a half or 4 hours ni sleep thi akho divas saro kari sake che but j loko stress and depression ne lidhe ungh ochhi leta hoi che e loko bimari ne invite kare che. Ungh thi tame tamari body ne aram apo cho and sathe sathe magaj ma chalta vicharo thi thakela magaj ne aram apo cho. Sleep is necessity of your body and mind for relaxation.

Felicia Nolåker är Grand Prix ryttare, C-tränare i dressyr och har unghästkompetens. I denna avsnitt visar berättar Felicia om hur hon tänker när hon arbetar med en unghäst. Felicia delar med sig av flera bra tips inte bara för unghästen utan för alla hästar. Ljudet är tyvärr lite lågt i detta avsnitt.  Vill du ha mer? På Equipoddens youtube kanal finns en video där Felicia rider och visar praktiskt hur hon arbetar med unghästen. Det är verkligen ett långt och matnyttigt avsnitt med tips som passar unghäst till Grand Prix.  Vill du veta mer om Felicia kan du kika in på hennes hemsida: http://www.fndressage.com Eller hennes instagram: @felicianolaker Tack för att du har tittat och glöm inte prenumerera på Equipodden här på YouTube och följa podden på Facebook och Instagram

Felicia Nolåker är Grand Prix ryttare, C-tränare i dressyr och har unghästkompetens. I denna avsnitt visar berättar Felicia om hur hon tänker när hon arbetar med en unghäst. Felicia delar med sig av flera bra tips inte bara för unghästen utan för alla hästar. Ljudet är tyvärr lite lågt i detta avsnitt.  Vill du ha mer? På Equipoddens youtube kanal finns en video där Felicia rider och visar praktiskt hur hon arbetar med unghästen. Det är verkligen ett långt och matnyttigt avsnitt med tips som passar unghäst till Grand Prix.  Vill du veta mer om Felicia kan du kika in på hennes hemsida: http://www.fndressage.com Eller hennes instagram: @felicianolaker Tack för att du har tittat och glöm inte prenumerera på Equipodden här på YouTube och följa podden på Facebook och Instagram

Felicia Nolåker är Grand Prix ryttare, C-tränare i dressyr och har unghästkompetens. I denna avsnitt visar berättar Felicia om hur hon tänker när hon arbetar med en unghäst. Felicia delar med sig av flera bra tips inte bara för unghästen utan för alla hästar. Ljudet är tyvärr lite lågt i detta avsnitt.  Vill du ha mer? På Equipoddens youtube kanal finns en video där Felicia rider och visar praktiskt hur hon arbetar med unghästen. Det är verkligen ett långt och matnyttigt avsnitt med tips som passar unghäst till Grand Prix.  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOyGqFNaty8KhLLd81jf7hQ   Vill du veta mer om Felicia kan du kika in på hennes hemsida: http://www.fndressage.com Eller hennes instagram: @felicianolaker Tack för att du har tittat och glöm inte prenumerera på Equipodden här på YouTube och följa podden på Facebook och Instagram

Der Schweizer Schriftsteller und Radio-Autor Heinz Stalder wurde im Juli 80 Jahre alt. Radio SRF produzierte ein Hörspiel, das auf Stalders Theaterstück «Fischbach – oder wie Unghüür us Amerika» basiert. Es wurde 1981 in Bern uraufgeführt. Nun erfährt man aus heutiger Sicht, wie es damals entstand. In der kunstvoll verdichteten Mundart-Groteske schleppen ein alter Bauer und sein Sohn unentwegt mit Brunnenwasser gefüllte Chianti-Flaschen über die Jauchegrube zu einer hölzernen Stellage, um sie schliesslich in einem Zuber zu entleeren. Und immer stehen sie unter Beobachtung, dem lauernden Blick der überaus dicken und schweigenden Mutter und Frau. Dabei verwickeln sich der Alte und der Junge in repetitiv stockende Streitgespräche über Kriegserlebnisse, nächtliche Träume und die Bedrohung des Dorfes durch den unaufhaltsamen Fortschritt. Schliesslich merkt man: Die Männer bereiten ein therapeutisches Bad gegen die Fettleibigkeit der Bäuerin vor. Vierzig Jahre nach der Entstehung entwickelt Heinz Stalder die Geschichte der Bauernfamilie weiter. Die Enkelin entdeckt bei der Grossmutter die Stellage mit den leeren Chianti-Flaschen und wird neugierig. Die Grossmutter beginnt sich zu erinnern, vieles kommt wieder hoch, «obsi» eben. Insbesondere erinnert sie sich daran, dass damals ein Autor ein Theaterstück über ihre Familie geschrieben und sie zu einer Hauptfigur gemacht habe – Entstellungen inbegriffen. Heinz Stalder wirft also – im Rahmen einer reizvollen akustischen «Stückbegehung» – einen neuen Blick auf sein Theaterstück. Er ergründet und hinterfragt den Entstehungsprozess und ermöglicht nicht zuletzt seinen lebensprallen Figuren ein Comeback. Mit: Rahel Hubacher (Enkelin), Marlise Fischer (Grossmutter), Hanspeter Müller-Drossaart (der Alte), Nils Althaus (der Junge), Walter Sigi Arnold (Gisler), Heinz Stalder (Autor) Musik: Elia Rediger (Komposition, Elektronik, diverse Instrumente), Tobias Preisig (Violine) - Tontechnik: Mirjam Emmenegger - Dramaturgie: Reto Ott - Regie: Päivi Stalder - Produktion: SRF 2019 - Dauer: 50'

Der Schweizer Schriftsteller und Radio-Autor Heinz Stalder wird 80 Jahre alt. SRF gratuliert ihm mit einem Hörspiel, das auf seinem Theaterstück «Fischbach – oder wie Unghüür us Amerika» basiert. Es wurde 1981 in Bern uraufgeführt. Nun erfährt man aus heutiger Sicht, wie es damals entstand. In der kunstvoll verdichteten Mundart-Groteske schleppen ein alter Bauer und sein Sohn unentwegt Chianti-Flaschen vom Brunnen über die Jauchegrube zu einer hölzernen Stellage, um sie schliesslich in einem Zuber zu entleeren. Und immer stehen sie unter Beobachtung, dem lauernden Blick der überaus dicken und schweigenden Mutter und Frau. Dabei verwickeln sich der Alte und der Junge in repetitiv stockende Streitgespräche über Kriegserlebnisse, nächtliche Träume und die Bedrohung des Dorfes durch den unaufhaltsamen Fortschritt. Schliesslich merkt man: Die Männer bereiten ein therapeutisches Bad gegen die Fettleibigkeit der Bäuerin vor. Vierzig Jahre nach der Entstehung entwickelt Heinz Stalder nun die Geschichte der Bauernfamilie weiter. Die Enkelin entdeckt bei der Grossmutter die Stellage mit den Flaschen und wird neugierig. Die Grossmutter beginnt sich zu erinnern, vieles kommt wieder hoch, «obsi» eben. Insbesondere erinnert sie sich daran, dass damals ein Autor ein Theaterstück über ihre Familie geschrieben und sie zu einer Hauptfigur gemacht habe – Entstellungen inbegriffen. Heinz Stalder wirft also – im Rahmen einer reizvollen akustischen «Stückbegehung» – einen neuen Blick auf sein Theaterstück. Er ergründet und hinterfragt den Entstehungsprozess und ermöglicht nicht zuletzt seinen lebensprallen Figuren ein Comeback. Mit: Rahel Hubacher (Enkelin), Marlise Fischer (Grossmutter), Hanspeter Müller-Drossaart (der Alte), Nils Althaus (der Junge), Walter Sigi Arnold (Gisler), Heinz Stalder (Autor) Musik: Elia Rediger (Komposition, Elektronik, diverse Instrumente), Tobias Preisig (Violine) - Tontechnik: Mirjam Emmenegger - Dramaturgie: Reto Ott - Regie: Päivi Stalder - Produktion: SRF 2019 - Dauer: 50'

Unsolicited acts of violence are the yeast that makes the doughy truth of Story rise, overfill Its pan, and crisp on the oven floor. Bash! Ungh! Guuugh. Yeah, sometimes these Stories get grisly, and when they do, we just gotta shake our heads and whisper, “ohhhh.” Enjoy this tender tale of friendship to which we can allllll relate. Invocation Psalm: “A Sack Full of Batteries” Liturgical Reading: “Burying” Concluding Prayer Next week we return with a brand new Story for you to swallow, dissolve, and absorb.

Han har kallats för "supportern som är mer känd än klubben", intervjuats i BBC, och mottagit Allsvenskans Stora Pris. Trots det är Anders Ungh allt som oftast ensam i klacken på BPs bortamatcher. Men inte den här gången - Erik Helmerskog åker ner till Varberg för att gå på match med den ensamme supportern.En sporthistoria är en produktion från JUST STORIES. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Hur skiljer sig det dräktiga eller digivande stoets näringsbehov jämfört med andra hästar? När behöver man justera foderstaterna? Hur får man bästa starten till sitt föl? Vad ska man tänka på? Musik: Jennifer Eriksson och Oskar Abrahamsson Mail: info@hippolyt.se Telefon: +46 0413 486 100 www.hippolyt.se

Det närmar sig höstens unghästtävlingar, som Breeders Trophy och Elmia Scandinavian Horse Show. Tävlingarna är uppbygds enligt olika koncept och vi pratar dem och om dess skillnader samt mycket mer. Framgångsekipaget är en podcast om framgången bakom ett ekipage. Ett ekipage är inte endast häst och ryttare utan bakom dem finns ett helt team av nyckelpersoner som tillsammans skapar framgång. Framgångsekipaget träffar flera av Sveriges mest framgångsrika aktörer inom ridsporten. Ni får höra hur deras väg har varit fram till där de är idag men ni får också höra vår syn på vad som gör ett ekipage framgångsrikt och allt som rör ridsporten. För kontakt och samarbeten maila: framgangsekipaget@gmail.com Instagram: sgstabledressage annapersssson

I veckans avsnitt möter Framgångsekipaget egenföretagaren, unghästutbildaren, bloggaren och partyfixaren Björn Svensson, också känd som Captain Tourettes. Vi får veta mer om vem Björn är, hur hans ryttarkarriär startade och hur han tagit sig fram dit han står idag. Han delar också med sig att sitt motto och tips för att bli ett framgångsrikt ekipage. Framgångsekipaget är en podcast om framgången bakom ett ekipage. Ett ekipage är inte endast häst och ryttare utan bakom dem finns ett helt team av nyckelpersoner som tillsammans skapar framgång. Framgångsekipaget träffar flera av Sveriges mest framgångsrika aktörer inom ridsporten. Ni får höra hur deras väg har varit fram till där de är idag men ni får också höra vår syn på vad som gör ett ekipage framgångsrikt och allt som rör ridsporten. För kontakt maila: framgangsekipaget@gmail.com Instagram: sgstabledressage annapersssson

Intoxica Radio-It Will Blow Your Mind!! That is correct sir! Get outta the way of this monstar's Deadly Organ becuz I'm a comin' to make thee musick go UNGH! Rock n Roll heart breakers, shit kickers, trouble makers, undertakers, donut bakers, but NEVER any fakers! Tonite at 9PM Karloffornia time Intoxica Radio will be live on the air...I may not hear it but I'll make sure you do! So you know thee drill, Killers...Plug in your iTard®, strap on your IntoxiDrool® cup, fall into your spinning (and sometimes talking) chair® & join me, Howie Pyro® on Intoxica Radio® at 9pm at www.Luxuriamusic.com Art by Karl Kaos... #intoxicaradio #howiepyro #records #rocknroll #dj #dance #rhythmandblues #rockabilly #soul #weird #garagerock #karlkaos

Många fina föl föds i dessa dagar! Facebook fullständigt svämmar över med alla dessa söta små varelser. Varje höst finns det möjlighet att delta i det som kallas för "Föl & unghästbedömning". Nina Berghotlz har under flera år jobbat med att bedömna många av dessa föl och unghästar. I detta program berättar hon om hur en sådan bedömning går till, vem som kan vara med, vem som kan arrangera och mycket annat.  

När är unghästen redo för nästa nivå? Hur undviker man överträning? Vi frågar Stephanie Holmén, beridare som sitter på tio olika hästar om dagen, och hennes chef: Lisen! Ni har skickat in en massa bra frågor till det här avsnittet om att utbilda unga hästar för hoppning på hög nivå. Det resulterar i en rad tips - bland andra: gör det enkelt, var noggrann och träna på att tävla tills hästen verkligen är redo och hoppar med självförtroende.  Stephanie Holmén och Lisen Bratt Fredricson berättar också vad de söker efter hos de hästar som köps in till stallet, hur de hanterar bakslag och hur viktigt det är att anpassa träningen efter varje individ. Producent: Ulrika Lindqvist.

Vi träffade Tekla Lindroos på Backome och pratade med henne om "unghästprovet". Tekla gjorde sitt prov i oktober (2016) och fick hela 8,91 poäng vid examinationen! Här berättar hon om hur det gick till och vad man ska tänka på.

Ungh!!! Sweat it out on the dancefloor with these early proto-house jams reflecting the mood of a culturally vibrant NYC downtown scene in the mid-80's. Tracklist for August 24, 2016 01 :: The Movement - Movement 02 :: Colonel Abrams - Music Is The Answer (Vocal) 03 :: Dhar Braxton - Jump Back (Set Me Free) (Club Mix) 04 :: Tammy Lucas - Hey Boy (Rough Mix) 05 :: Captain Rapp - Bad Times (I Can't Stand It) (Part 2) 06 :: Russ Brown - Gotta Find A Way (Vocal) 07 :: Man Friday - Love ...

Är rädslan som många har för att rida unghäst befogad? Hur bra ryttare ska man vara för att utbilda en häst på egen hand? Vi har kallat in två experter på unghästutbildning för att reda ut det.  Ridpoddens lyssnare Patricia undrar hur hennes ettåriga häst ska få bästa tänkbara förutsättningar för framtiden.  Astrid Antonsson är unghästutbildare, lärare i unghästutbildning och hoppning på Flyinge, tränare i hoppning och kan dessutom skriva tävlingsryttare och beridare i sitt cv. Henrik Ankarcrona undervisar också på Flyinge - i hoppning på beridarprogrammet, är utbildad tränare och tävlar i hoppning upp till svår klass. Tillsammans med Lisen Bratt Fredricson reder de ut en rad viktiga frågor kring utbildning och ridning av unghästar.   Producent: Ulrika Lindqvist

Louise Lindström har gått både Unghästutbildningen och Beridarprogrammet på Flyinge och delade i Speakers Corner med sig av sin upplevelse om utbildningarna men också om vad som väntar i framtiden. Om tre veckor är det dags för examen och direkt där efter väntar jobb hos berömda Mette Rosencrantz i USA. – Ifrån Flyinge har jag med mig ett värdefullt nätverk och ett bra system för att utbilda hästar. Jag har också med mig ett bra stöd i ryggen inför framtiden och många timmar i sadeln, avslutar Louise.

DnB, Bass & Glitch hop! UNGH!  I love this mix by Lunar. Tracklist:1. Bird of Prey - Sonic_Bloom_feat. Gibson2. Dub Phizixs - Happy 53. Hybris - Bossa Nouveau4. EAN - Flow (Om Unit Remix)5. Fracture - Tunnel Track6. Hybris - Agent7. Fracture - Bad Habit (Om Unit VIP)8. Hybris - Ender9. Kill the Noise - Deal With It (KOAN Sound Remix)10. Om Unit - Ulysses11. Bird of Prey - Metakinetic12. Two Fingers - Vengeance_Rhythm (KOAN_Sound_Remix)13. Om Unit - Dark Sunrise feat. Tamara Blessato find out more about LUNAR, visit:http://www.djlunar.com/http://www.lunarcast.net/https://soundcloud.com/lunar-bass

Ghetto funk! Midtempo breaks! UNGH!  This is a fantastic mix by adam12.  This will definitely get the booty shaking.  Recorded June 2012 in Campbell, California.For more information on ADAM12 visit:https://soundcloud.com/djadam12https://www.facebook.com/djadam12https://twitter.com/djadamtwelve