Podcasts about getting the love you want

From January 8, 1993: Oprah interviews self-help author and Oprah Show regular guest Harville Hendrix, who teaches us how to make our relationships not only last longer, but become happier. He talks about overcoming trust issues, childhood wounds appearing in adulthood and how marriage is a structure for healing. He also works with several couples on making their love last and discusses his books Getting The Love You Want and Keeping The Love You Find. Oprah explains how Getting the Love You Want helped improve her relationship with Stedman Graham. Of Harville's work, Oprah says, “I saw relationships not solely as the kind of romantic pursuit our society celebrates, but as a spiritual partnership that's meant to change how you see yourself and the world.” Harville is a New York Times best-selling author, international speaker and couples therapist with more than 40 years of experience as an educator, clinical trainer and lecturer who has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show 17 times. 

Lesley and Brad discuss the most important insights shared by Erin Baute, an experienced behaviorist, about the power of the Enneagram personality test. Erin shared how the Enneagram practice offers a holistic approach to self-awareness and personal growth. Tune in to learn more about recognizing your personality type, recovering your true identity, and changing your motivation and behavior through the Enneagram practice.If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co . And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.In this episode you will learn about:How the Enneagram personality test works.Reconnecting with your authentic self and regaining true identity.Reframing your ‘why' and reevaluating your commitmentHow to rediscover who you are.The four action steps to changing unhealthy behavior.Episode References/Links:Summer Camp opc.me/event.UK Tour opc.me/uk.Poland Tour contrologypilatesconference.comJoin us in Cambodia lesleylogan.co/retreatErin Baute's website https://livingtheenneagram.com/   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.Get your 15% discount for Toe Sox – use coupon code LESLEY15Be It Till You See It Podcast SurveyBe in the know with all the workshops at OPCBe a part of Lesley's Pilates MentorshipResourcesWatch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!Lesley Logan websiteBe It Till You See It PodcastOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley LoganOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTubeProfitable PilatesSocial MediaInstagramFacebookLinkedInEpisode Transcript:Lesley Logan 0:00  We get a lot of DMS, from listeners who are hard on themselves about having to relearn a lesson. It's like, why are you making this even harder by like beating yourselves up that you are still learning this lesson, like, embrace that personal growth. That's like, that's, if you don't fight it and don't get badly you should be further along than you are. It's part of your journey. And if you know your Enneagram, you can actually really tap into your personal journey even better. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life Brad and I dig into the thought provoking convo I had with Erin Baute in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free, feel free. You can feel all the freeness to pause this now go back and listen to that one. And then come back and join us. Brad Crowell 0:36  Feel that freeness! Lesley Logan 0:37  Feel that freeness. Well, you know what? Based on today's, I mean, that should have been, it's a feel that freeness convo is really what it was because it's actually very freeing. When you think about what we're about to talk about.Yes, we're gonna hint (...)Yeah, I mean, some of these, some of our listeners are perfectly overachiever. And I've already listened to the interview. I already know. So, today, June 29th, if you're listening on the day this drops is National Work From Home day. So, let's celebrate all of you who W F H. Those who have Pilates studios, work from home like we do. Maybe you work from home part of the time. And if you don't work from home, maybe you work from home today. We probably should have let you know to do that last week. You know, I actually, I kind of love it. But I also one day a week go work at a coffee shop for a change of scenery. Anyways... (Brad: Quite nice, actually.) Yeah. So if you're WFHing, then tag Be It pod. Let us know what that looks like.Brad Crowell 1:38  Sorry. I'm playing with my mic over here. Yeah. So I'm sure you hear crunching around.Lesley Logan 1:44  Just ADHD right over there. Brad Crowell 1:46  Number three.Lesley Logan 1:52  Hint, hint, hint. All right. So here is the deal. OPC summer camp is coming. So, you can get on the waitlist at opc.me/event.Brad Crowell 2:03  Actually, we may have just made the announcement in fact, it's the... (Lesley: if they go there, they'll just get to the event anyways.) Yeah, yeah. But here's, here's the deal. This is the first time we've ever done a summer camp. Okay, so we kind of been toying around with these one off like workshops and live events, kind of things with OPC virtual live events. And this time, we decided to do a two day event, we're doing two days, the first two day event we've ever done virtually like this.Lesley Logan 2:28  Every OPC teacher and one of our contributors is slaying one of their special T topics. And they're gonna do a team workshop. If the teaser or something that bothers you, or frustrate you, or you're just like a hip flexor it out, we have worked on as a team together. So you're not gonna want to miss out on these topics. You can buy workshops a la carte, you can buy all of them, there is going to be an awesome offer if you buy two of them. I'm not gonna say it right now, because I don't want to screw it up. But I'm pretty sure the team has it very clearly on the website once ago. So opc.me/event is where you want to go to. There's going to be a waitlist, if it's not up, or you'll actually see it. And with these things, if you can't make it live, well, we'll miss you. But you'll have access to the replays. So even if you're like, oh my gosh, guys, I'm traveling, great Snag your spot and then you'll just get the replay in your dashboard... (Brad:Yeah, it's gonna be awesome.) Yeah, we're super excited. And then also, we are (...)Brad Crowell 3:22  So that's going to be in July. Like the second weekend or something like that.Lesley Logan 3:27  Yeah, after the holiday. And then if you're in the US, it's not holiday everywhere. So, there's that. And then also, after we're done with that, we're gonna get ourselves up on a plane and go to Scotland and then drop down to Leeds for the mullet tour. I don't think they sing that song there.Brad Crowell 3:46  You don't think they sing that song in England?Lesley Logan 3:48  I don't know. I don't know. I have not heard it. But we know maybe there's a jukebox and you could play it. Yeah.Brad Crowell 3:56  I feel like we will find it. Lesley Logan 3:58  We are going to be in Claire Sparrow studio in Leeds. Chapel Allerton is this area and the studio and it's gonna be so fun. We have business workshops in the beginning, Pilates movement workshops in the afternoon, you can now buy a la carte tickets to these workshops.Brad Crowell 4:12  Yeah, there's only a few of those notes. So, if you were thinking about it at all. Get on that. But I just realized, for this summer camp, go to opc.me/event. For the UK tour, you're going to opc.me/uk. All right?Lesley Logan 4:29  And so there's, if you just a hint, if you actually do want to do like two days of workshops, it's actually cheaper to get the weekend pass plus you get to work out so you want to do that. And there's actually only a couple of those tickets left. Yeah, and then we're gonna come back. We're gonna do, I think I'm doing my final weekend for eLevate as one of the things that's happening, for around two. And then, we get in the van, and we hit the West Coast.We grab all the dogs... Brad Crowell 4:59  We are actually going on IRL tour.Lesley Logan 5:01  Yeah, and we just announced it at the time we're recording this and holy frickin Molly. Way to go, West Coast on snapping up those tickets. It's kind of crazy and we're going to some really exotic towns, we are, we're going to be in Redlands, Long Beach. We're gonna be in...Brad Crowell 5:18  Bakersfield just south of Fresno. Yeah Hanford. Yeah, we're gonna be in Fairview which is near Sacramento. Oh, cool. Yeah, that's working. That's should be...(Lesley: I think it is Fairfield. No Fairview.) Want to say it's Fairview. We'll figure that out. Yeah. It's near Sacramento,Lesley Logan 5:36  If you're listening to this now, it is on the site. So don't worry. We'll have it on our map. And then we're gonna go all the way through Oregon and to Seattle. Yeah. So, West Coast. We've been wanting to this for years. We promised for years. This is the time if you want us to keep doing it. Yep. Snag your spot.Brad Crowell 5:53  We'll have some upcoming tour announcements as well. We're adding more respondents.Lesley Logan 5:57  Also with super cool not to each class, but maybe some more simplification. Yeah. So here's the thing about the West Coast, your studios are small. So these classes are intimate. So you do want to be fast on ticket a ticket. But we're also able to do some workshops, which we never have. We've only been able to do in Atlanta. So I'm really, really excited because we get to really hang out for a while. It's not just I hit it and quit it like we're, we're spending time. Oh, we spent some time with y'all. And then in September, we come back. And in September, we are in Poland. So you want to go to contrologypilatesconference.com for that information. It's actually really special. We haven't been in Poland since 2018. And it just that's also an intimate setting, which I'm really excited about. And then finally, Cambodia. We started looking at our flight for this, Oh my gosh, I'm so excited also like we have some family coming on this one. Brad Crowell 6:48  Yeah, so it's gonna be amazing. lesleylogan.co/retreat to get your tickets to join us in Cambodia, there is totally still time. I know, it may seem like a little like, whoa, that's on the other side of the world. But like Lesley just said, We just are looking at our tickets, you don't wanna miss out on anything.Lesley Logan 7:04  Plane tickets prices, you don't want to buy them too early.Brad Crowell 7:06  And we have done this trip so many times. We have like all of the details prepped and ready just for you. So, as soon as you place your deposit, actually affect at this point, it'll be, we'll have to figure out like getting the full payment from you. Because July here we're getting all that stuff lined up now. But there's still time to join us. And we'll have, we'll make sure you have links to travel insurance if you want that. You know we'll pick you up from the airport, everything.Lesley Logan 7:33  You don't need to be an experienced traveler who have all the taken care of and the people who are going to be on this trip that have already signed up are absolutely part of your family. Yeah, it's your life forever.Brad Crowell 7:43  Great group already coming and so don't miss it. It's gonna be awesome. Lesley Logan 7:47  So, clearly, we do not slow down for summer. I don't know what summer nights are for you. But they are opposite for us. I will hibernate in the winter.Brad Crowell 7:57  Heck yeah, that's how we do because actually November we used to have some plans, they got cancelled. So we're still working out the specifics on all that stuff.Lesley Logan 8:04  Well, now there's this new things. Don't worry about November, guys, we're coming out.Yeah, well, we'll keep you posted.There's no rest for the weary. I'll be really honest, we are just gonna keep on keeping on. So just, you know, stick to this or listen to like read the newsletters because that's where the stuff happens as quickly as possible. All right, we should talk about Erin Baute.Brad Crowell 8:23  Okay, now let's talk about Erin Baute, an experienced behaviorist who has embarked on a remarkable journey, shaped by the challenges and triumphs of being a mom and raising a neurodiverse daughter. She seamlessly integrates her extensive knowledge into both her personal and professional life, offering invaluable insights into behaviors, habit changing, and personal growth. So one thing that's if y'all are in agency, then you got a chance to meet Erin recently when she came in to do a webinar. And I found it like really, really enlightening. Her one of her passions, I mean, she's a behavior. So she used to work, I just found this out after listening to the episode last week, or earlier this week, sorry, is that she used to run three branches of a health care company and was on the VP track and like, basically kicking ass and taking names and workaholic and realize that she wasn't enjoying life and wasn't spending time with her kid or her partner. And so she decided to leave all that. And, you know, and actually now she's offering her behaviorist services, and she's really focused on the Enneagram. And so I'm sure you've heard of the Enneagram. We've joked earlier I joke that I'm type three, I am a type three, Lesley is a 7...(Lesley: 7/7) I'm a 3/4.Lesley Logan 10:06  So I'm a seven with an eight wing, you're a three with a four wing I think is what you're saying. And also, Okay, so, Erin knows this, because we actually saw her for a webinar. Before this week this episode came out but the night before her webinar, we went out to dinner with Jake and Carrie and Jake will be on the podcast and we'll have an interview coming up with him. He's got an amazing book out but Carrie is on the podcast Carrie (...). And so we're out to dinner. And she she says, Oh, well, Jake's a seven. And to somebody else. I said, Oh, I'm a seven. And she's like, of course you bucket are like, and then she and then and then Kate jokes like, Oh, you're seven high five. She's a one. And basically like...Brad Crowell 10:44  I felt like oh, what are we talking about? No idea what this meansLesley Logan 10:48  It honestly makes me feel like I know it has nothing to do with like your sun sign and your moon sign but it's like when you get around people who do know those things. And they're like, Ah ha, that's my he's a triple Pisces or when they throw out that they know not only the sun, but they know the moon and the rising and they're just like...Brad Crowell 11:03  He's rising and his while he's sleepingLesley Logan 11:06  Yeah, no, anyway, but like it felt like that...(Brad: I'm way in) So it was a little bit like, Okay, now ever. It's like, it's like, it feels like the 70s. I'm like, what's your sign? But then we were sitting down at dinner, Jake was like, Okay, well, let me explain to you all the stuff. And like Erin did a great job. So I'm not going to take any time here with dets. But it was so fun to hear another person dive in deep to this and how they use it in their life and then his coaching world how he uses it. And it just like, the more you dive into this, I feel like you know yourself even more. And when you, I read Erin's newsletter, so go read her newsletters, because she shares something went on her life. And then she like shares how like it affected her and how her husband reacted, and then how her husband reacted, how that pissed her off. And then she took a step back and goes well, he's at this, and I'm in this and that's why it bothered me because him not taking action makes me feel unsafe. And as a seven we're like a double gas pedal. So like action makes us feel good. Hence take messy action.Brad Crowell 12:14  Hence most of the things you hear on this pod.Lesley Logan 12:18  Just trying to spread my seven all around. No, in fact, not one number is better than any other number. Brad Crowell 12:24  So, what I thought was really helpful was the concept of most tests for personalities. Focus on your behavior.Lesley Logan 12:41  Like what you do.Brad Crowell 12:42  What you do, or how you do it. Where the Enneagram focuses on why you do it. And that's interesting, because the why drives your behavior. Lesley Logan 12:58  Well, and like I think, well, of course it does. But also I think like, it can be so annoying about like, you have family members in your life, you guys, or you have like co workers, it's like, why the fuck are they doing like that? That pisses me off. And then it's like, if you actually were to know them on this level, it is easier to go okay, they do that because it makes them feel safe. Right? When they do that it makes me feel unsafe. They're not doing that on purpose (...) And also like, how do we own our own reactions to things. And so like you (...)Brad Crowell 13:36  It's just what we talked about with her newsletter.Lesley Logan 13:37  Yes, yes, yes. So anyway, I'm gonna talk about what I loved. Okay, so she said, Enneagram is a practice of returning to our whole selves. So I kind of liked this. I don't even know what this just came to me. There was this like, book that I read, many, many years ago, Getting The Love You Want. And it was like, when you get into relationships you like fill all of your holes, like you like, Oh, look at how amazing I am. And then, but then your brain thinks it was like the other person did that. And then months later, when both of you stop filling all of your holes, you're like, you fucking change. It's like, actually, no, you just were being yourself and you pause, but Enneagram is right in between our whole selves. And so (...)Brad Crowell 14:17  I like to think of it as like, just to put it in some context here because we basically you know, how people are like, one plus one equals two when it comes to people, right? A half and a half is going to make that wholeSpeaker 2 14:35  (well oh my god, right stops for any of that. Yeah, fuck that.)Brad Crowell 14:39  Right? I think one plus one. You have to be individual, one plus one is going to equal one here, you have two whole people in order to have a functioning relationship. And if you come in with like, half of yourself expecting them to be the other half of you. You're setting yourself up for eventual failure.Lesley Logan 15:01  Yeah, yeah, 1,000%. So she talked about like, you can use the Enneagram. To actually, like, understand where you like how you started to use these smaller sets of yourself to feel safe and as resources and you got older, and you're just working with these smaller sets, but actually, when you know what number you are in the Enneagram, you can actually help yourself move into working with your whole self. And so, so going back to like, some of these personality tests, like, put you in a box, and you're gonna help you tell you what box you're in and how to get out of it. So like, I really, really liked it. She also said that of all the behavior models, she loves the anagram, because it helps her appreciate is because it helped her reconnect with her authentic self. And then, and she admitted she was simply lost in touch with oh, we all are equally lost, she was temporarily lost, she was totally lost touch with who her authentic self was. And like, I think we can all admit that we've like temperately lost touch with ourselves and not even like one time, like maybe every other every other moment. And so by using the Enneagram, she can regain a sense of her true identity. And it helps her embrace her personal growth. And I think that's the hard part for a lot of people, we get a lot of DMS, from listeners who are hard on themselves about having to relearn a lesson. It's like, why are you making this even harder by like beating yourselves up that you are still learning this lesson, like, embrace that personal growth. That's like, that's, if you don't fight it and don't get badly you should be further along than you are. It's part of your journey. And if you know your Enneagram, you can actually really tap into your personal journey even better.Brad Crowell 16:44  Yeah, also to the Enneagram test, which I found really interesting, was a conversation. And I've really liked that because Erin said that. There's only one actual behavior slash personality test that was like empirically studied, meaning like they ran tests on it, like scientific tests. And she said, the win rate on that test is only 46%. I was just like, wow, so like, all these things that we do, like, okay, they might get it right. But chances are high that it's not exactly right. Right? So(...)Lesley Logan 17:25  I know, because I took the test, because I was like, oh, I need to know my number before she gets on. And it was like, yeah, I totally took it. And it was like, Okay, well, you could be a three, you could also be a seven, you could be a one. I was like, What do you mean? Right? (...)Brad Crowell 17:40  So, yeah, the way that she runs it, because she's been doing this for decades, you know, she, studying behavior, I mean, for decades, and then she really went deep into studying the Enneagram. The way she does the test is by having a conversation. And at the end of it, she effect effectively makes like an assessment of you and says, Hey, based on the conversation that we had, here's what I'm thinking where you land on the scales, you know...(Lesley: and then they try it on) Yeah. And then she told me, she actually literally told me, she's like, read more about this and don't share your results to Lesley. I want you to think through this before you're influenced by, by especially someone who knows you so well. And I kind of had a laugh about that. Lesley Logan 18:26  You guys, Erin, he like literally wouldn't tell me until we got around these friends were throwing numbers around. And then he said his number. I was like, oh, what?Brad Crowell 18:35  It's true. Well, one thing I love that she said, is that, she said, the work for her became recovering, recovering it as opposed to being it in a way, because of who she is. She is an overachiever. And she feels safe when again taking action. Right? So she was a high powered, you know, corporate track, on the VP track. And she basically quit all that. And she in her head decided, well, in order for me to have a reason to quit, to tell all my colleagues, I'm just going to go get a PhD now. And she had recently had a child and her child is neuro divergent and requires a lot of attention. And so she basically like stacked on this reason to go do this PhD, which allowed her to quit but also put her in a really difficult position of trying to, you know, do family and go to school. And she realized that she wasn't winning on this and she decided she needed to change the reason. So, you know, that's where the recovering she needed to recover the reason for why she was doing the PhD. instead of like, she obviously left her job. So she's no longer doing the PhD to have an excuse for her old colleagues. So why is she doing it now? You know, and so (...)Lesley Logan 20:10  I love that, it's like how can, like, if you are struggling with something like that, it's like a reframing of it. It's like, like, maybe why you started to do something that no longer serves you. And if you're not willing to let go of whatever that thing is, you need to reframe why it is that you're doing it. That allows you to show up to it in a different way. And be less resentful of the thing. Brad Crowell 20:31  Yeah, actually, I think that, you know, she definitely talked about, she had to reevaluate her commitment, she decided to change the flow, the process, in fact, she decided, I'm doing this for me. And if I'm doing it for me, then I don't need to do it on the same timeline as the school. So she took six months off, to focus on family, and then she started doing it again. And she said, you know, if I need to do that again, that's okay. And it sounds to me like she's enjoying the process a whole lot more. And it's not stressing her out, which is really interesting, because her natural inclination is the overachiever of like, I gotta be perfect. They're gonna get it all done, I gotta get it all. Like, there's a timeline, you know, and it's an arbitrary timeline, generally speaking. Lesley Logan 21:19  I know, after I didn't know, I was a seven until after I met with her. And I also didn't know that she was a seven until we did the webinar. And this whole interview is so, I understand all of it in so many ways, I understand so well.Brad Crowell 21:37  Yeah, so for her, it was what I found interesting is that, you know, you talked about that sense of feeling safe, like, what makes you feel safe, for her working hard, or continuously working is like, I must be doing something and that makes her feel safe. Right? And so that's where it like, you know, when she originally was working the job, like, what is she going to not work anymore? Right? So she added this PhD into the mix, while also started to do coaching. And that, for sure, will keep her working. You know? And so it's been an interesting understanding of herself going, Oh, I did this. I did this. Okay, we need to, we need to slow down, you know? and so, anyway, that that'll really allow her to kind of rediscover...Lesley Logan 22:27  yeah, herself. And I think like, I want to bring up this one point. That's, that's in your notes to talk about, but I want to talk about it. So, you know, when you start to discover, when you start to dive in, and like going, what, well, like, who am I? Why do I do it the way I do? Why am I performing like, behaving like this? You, a lot of times, people want to take the big change, because it's like, ah, like, I know it now. That's the thing I have to do. And I'll go do it. I'll go do it in the most unsafe place. For example, she had, she talked about that client she had, who was like thinking to change her job. And because she wasn't speaking up and no one was listening and dadada. And when she discovered, like, when they reached, when they talked about, like, well, what do you mean? No one listen,why don't you speak up? And she's like, I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to make a mistake. Her perfectionist tendencies was actually created this critical inner voice that told her she wasn't good enough. And, so, it was like, well, let's not go do this out the job. That's actually going to put you in feeling even more unsafe, and it's actually going to, like, exacerbate your problem. Instead you need to do it in a very safe place for habit change. And you know, we talked about habits all the time, like we talked about, like unraveling the habit no longer have you can't just like create a void. You can't just go big or go home, you have to do something small. So she talked about her labor two and four year old put the dishes away. And even if they just like threw the dishes in the drawer, she just had to like, shut the drawer.Brad Crowell 23:55  Let me chime in here because this is one of my biggest takeaways effect from her interview, is that she said her client who is in the decision making of her job like, like, high level C level exact wasn't chiming up, chiming in, and when they identified why, which was fear of making a mistake, was debilitating for her. So she wouldn't ever even propose anything that could get rejected, right? And so this mistake, the control, the perfectionism, all that stuff kind of rolls into one. Then, what's the obvious, like, natural next step of that is, well, why don't you try making a little, you know, proposition or and then seeing whatever and Erin actually said, that's wrong. Don't do that. That's not what you want to do. Because that's the behavior. Right? And that yes, like, like, basically, you need to understand the changes need to start with the why. And then the behavior comes after that. And that to me was like, oh shit, we just change, we just immediately try to change our behavior. Like imagine quitting smoking, I guess I just won't do it. Right? but it's not the why behind the, why do you want to smoke, right? Like, that's just the the actual act of smoking, right? and so in this case changing, like throwing in a my small concept, which could still get her shut down could still get her like back into fear. Just as quickly as a larger idea getting shut down. It's, that's actually not going to benefit her, she needed to work on the root of that. And that's where that control that perfectionism and allowing her kids to make a mess. That was the root, that's the beginning of allowing her to actually make a proposition in the boardroom later. Crazy, right? Like to think about that kind of stuff.Lesley Logan 25:52  Yeah, I love it. I love it. I want to know from everyone who's listening, like, I want to know what your number is, if you know it, I want to know like how you're trying to use this in your life. Like I think that this is like one of the most powerful pieces of information to help us understand how do we be it until we see it because it's true, you cannot go be something that could like actually, like the behavior could actually affect you in a way that would like take you back a notch and put you more in an unsafe feeling place.Brad Crowell 26:23  Yeah, so if you're watching this on YouTube, leave us a comment below with your number. If you're on the gram. Leave a comment on the posts. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. All right.Okay, so finally, let's talk about those Be It action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Erin Baute. So, she said, relationship, research 69% of the problems that we face are unsolvable. Which I was like, I really wanted her to go more in on that because it didn't quite unlike. I was like, really? Okay. She said we spent too much time looking for fixes and not enough time, learning how to manage who we are. And cycle through (...)Lesley Logan 27:19  I actually think that goes back to Dr. Bender stress thing where we just are always trying to find a reasonBrad Crowell 27:25  Hold that thought. She said, This is what, this was like the culmination of what she said, I don't need to be fixed. I'm a person. I am who I am. Right? So that was like, Whoa, that's pretty powerful. Okay, sorry. Lesley Logan 27:41  So, if y'all remember Dr. Bender second episode with us about like this undue stress we put on ourselves, like oftentimes, because we like our reasoning, we're trying to find a reason for why we feel the way that we feel. And that oftentimes, because we're trying to find a reason we come up with a reason. And that reason is probably not even accurate. And then we've created another problem for ourselves. And so what I love about what Erin just said is like, if 69% of our problems are unsolvable, then that means that there is no reason. There's nothing to be reasoned with. Like, it's just, it's managing the behavior. It's understanding, like (...)Brad Crowell 28:13  it's identifying what is happening and why. And that, again, the Enneagram really helps with understanding the why. So, I think that makes total sense about what Dr. Bender mentioned. So Erin said, understanding those things, she recommends practicing these four steps. So step one, and two, is to notice and name. The step she said, noticing is paying attention to oneself or me. Self awareness, this is like recognizing your Enneagram type. Ask yourself, who are you? who you are, right? Pay attention to the behaviors that you have. And that's all the noticing, right? And then there's the naming of it. She said, this is making meaning out of what you do. Right? And that's your behavior, right? So how does it tie into your identity? Because you can't change something that is tied to your identity, if you cannot name it, right? so, she's talking about being able to change your behavior, right? But the behavior isn't like you have to notice who you are and why you're doing something before you can understand what you're doing with the behavior and then that behavior, then you can start to make those kinds of changes. Yeah, but there's two more steps Yes. Lesley Logan 29:33  And those are recover and repair. So you have to hit, y'all have to be into your bodies. You have to be with yourself, you actually have to meet your own needs and I think that goes back to that, like, we tried to like meet Oh, this person's my other half and they're gonna meet my needs. It's like, you didn't meet your own needs you have it because also if you can't, you can't expect other people to read your mind you got to be able to like, even if you are unable to meet your own needs, but you have to know how to be meet those needs, if someone can help you with that, you can't just expect it to happen. So I really, really love that when she came into the webinar, and she was showing that Impala like shake off the stress of like being attacked by, I don't know, she does something. And I, it was just like, so cool to like, watch this animal, like, meet its own needs in that moment and to recover and like I watch our dogs, like when they want to stretch, they stretch, they don't, they don't go stretch, you know, so like they meet their own needs. It's kind of amazing. Just August is very demanding, He lets us know. And then and then. And then she said, and then the fourth one is repair. So which can equal change in your behavior, but you just set a boundary, she also uses her voice. In fact, you gave the example of like, I have a conversation with my spouse or my kiddos. And I say I want to do this differently. And that's what this looks like. And then that's how she can kind of cyclically move through things. Because she can't solve. It can't assault like (...)Brad Crowell 30:59  She is not a problem.Lesley Logan 31:00  She's not a problem to be solved. And I think that that is a really cool, you know, four step process that we can all try to do with ourselves and like, take action towards these things. Because my goodness, like, what if you stopped trying to solve yourself as a problem? What if you just saw yourself as like this amazing puzzle, which you could figure out and understand and use it to communicate and like shine bright, you know, like, we all have these. That's what's so cool about the, ultimate the Enneagram is, like, each person has like these incredible strengths. You know? Like, I mean, when we were talking with Jake, he was like, Oh, my gosh, you two need a one in your business. And I'm like, I think we have one we have to get our team tested. But you know, like, you're able to like see that. Alone, you're awesome. You have amazing skill sets. But like we all have these different skill sets we bring to a table that can really make things work better. So I loved Erin, I loved this so much. I'm like nerding out on my seven with an eight wing and seeing like, where like where I can work on some things and explore more. And also, it really helped me understand, like, why you do things the way you do, which is nice.Brad Crowell 32:05  Yeah, absolutely. Well, I hope you enjoyed this. Definitely an interesting introduction to the Enneagram. Obviously, we didn't cover any of the actual explanations about any (...)Lesley Logan 32:19  Because you got she's, she's, she's a seven. So she's, I was just gonna gas pedal. She's got it all there. Brad Crowell 32:25  Just gonna say we're gonna have a link to Erin's site in the show notes. So if you were interested in figuring out that, connect with her, we, you know, we're excited that we had a chance to do that with her. And so that could be really a great resource for you. And she could be a really great resource for you and then you can get to know her as well.Lesley Logan 32:45  Yeah. All right, loves, I'm Lesley Logan.Brad Crowell 32:47  And I'm Brad Crowell.Lesley Logan 32:48  Thank you so much for joining us today. We are so grateful that you're here. We want to know what your number is. Not your phone number but your, you know, your Enneagram number. And I don't even know (...) you can also send us a DM on the pod, if you have a question you want us to answer please send it to us, so we can share some support your way and until next time, Be It Till You See It.Brad Crowell 33:10  Bye for now.Lesley Logan 33:11  That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.   I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.  Brad Crowell 33:11  It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Lesley Logan 33:11  It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo.  Brad Crowell 33:11  Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.  Lesley Logan 33:11  Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.  Brad Crowell 33:11  Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.Transcribed by https://otter.aiSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/be-it-till-you-see-it/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Magic of Relationships #3: Tools for Creating Relationships Based on Love In this, our third and perhaps final program on the magic of relationships, we're going to apply the powerful theories and discoveries we've been exploring. We've seen there is very strong evidence that those who have many warm relationships live longer and are healthier and happier. We've seen how exclusive use of the Old Paradigm, which relies exclusively on the Cartesian principles of analyzing, comparing, criticizing, judging, and polarizing creates personal and relational problems. We have also seen how employing the New Paradigm, according to which we are accepting, caring, compassionate, and open to Love (with a capital “L”) can create fulfilling, lasting relationships. We will touch on the theories of Harville Hendrix, author of “Getting The Love You Want,” John Gottman and the Four Horses Of The Apocalypse approach to rescuing relationships. Then we will apply these tools to learn how to relate with others by creating dialogues that invite deeper and more expansive communications instead of debates that only increase polarization. Finally, we will explore ways to be open to life and goodness in others, to create true dialogue, and deeper sharing and to embody these new behaviors through guided imagery meditation. “My 50 years of experience as a physician studying the holistic approach to medicine and healing, have convinced me that our medical system is not focused on healing our bodies, minds, emotions, and behaviors. Instead, its primary focus is to charge the highest possible prices for delivering symptomatic relief. (Note: I am speaking of the system, not the doctors). Its goal is to treat the symptoms of our illnesses, not the source of our illnesses.”  ― Emmett Miller, MD  Find Dr. Miller here: www.drmiller.com

Nick specialises as an IMAGO Relationship Coach and is based in Vancouver, BC. His work focuses on romantic relationships with an emphasis on safe conversation techniques, conscious relationship principles and powerful insights from IMAGO theory. This theory has been made world-famous by Harville Hendrix who is the author of the best selling book, ‘Getting The Love You Want'.The majority of human suffering happens in relationships whether it be loss, heartbreak or difficulty with our current partner. In general, we are under educated and under resourced when it comes to relationships which is why everyone struggles. Nick is very passionate about supporting people in creating the relationships that they want and making breakthroughs in their life. He works full-time with singles and couples on the quality of their relationships through his online coaching practice and has also developed an online program called ‘Romantic Relationship Reset'.Check out the Romantic Relationship Reset, a 6 week course that helps couples deepen their connection and build a brighter vision for the future: https://nicksolaczek.com/coaching-for-couples/TUNE IN00:00 - Intro01:24 - How Nick found his purpose in relationship coaching06:36 - What is IMAGO therapy?11:09 - When to work on relationship and knowing when to leave12:09 - Does your relationship model or repel your parents relationship style?17:04 - How to avoid the bickering in a long term relationship20:02 - Are relationships under more pressure more than ever?24:03 - 'Intimacy is a trauma killer'27:29 - How to address conflict31:53 - What does constructive dialogue look like?40:20 - Does Nick feel pressure to have the idyllic relationship as a relationship coach?45:26 - How to keep the romance alive while bringing up a child49:58 - Free tool: The Wheel of Relationship52:04 - Five pillars of aliveness: purpose, passion, positivity, playfulness, presence55:39 - What does a healthy, purposeful relationship look like?1:01:50 - OutroLISTEN & SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCASTSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2HJCflVnHRDmvNtI8r2a65?si=692723d115ce4ef2/Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/inspired-evolution/id1272090974/CONNECT WITH NICK SOLACZEKWebsite: https://www.nicksolaczek.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@nicksolaczek/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicksolaczek/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicksolaczek/JOIN THE INSPIRED EVOLUTION COMMUNITYWebsite: https://www.inspiredevolution/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@inspiredevolution/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inspired_evolution/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/inspiredevolution/Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/inspiredevolution. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

S2E7: Self Help MadnessFrom handling toxic relationships to finding your love language, in this week's #LISGD episode, our hosts share their favorite resources for self help advice. Want more details? Here's what @honestlyHannah and @justJenSav cover in this Episode:@justJenSav  divorces the “ ah-hah!” gift this year - just gonna keep things simple and meaningful around the 2022 tree! Since Hannah is going to Munich for the holidays, this week she is divorcing her time on social media and trying to make some time to read an actual book. She has had an idea for her own book  since 2005, so stay tuned for future developments…..@justJenSav is into self- help books/ podcasts - reading over ten a year in many different subjects - thanks to audio books! Here are some of her favorites:When you need encouragement, check out You Are A Badass and Girl, Wash Your Face!Looking to make a major change in life and are a people pleaser, dive into THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED. Seeking a way to additional financial resources, read THE FOUR HOUR WORKWEEK, Ready to step up your professional game, delve into THE ONE MINUTE MANAGERWant to work on your personal relationship with others - both hosts thought THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES was a must read, but agreed most guys don't know love languages. Other books suggested include GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT and  I HEAR YOU.  Getting a Divorce and have kids - read immediately Mom's House, Dad's House - it is filled with great suggestions regarding equal custody, keeping things consistent at both homes and having respect for the other parent in the presence of children. #lifeisshortgetdivorced #lisgd #podcast #savannah #divorce #podcastsofinstagram #podcastersofinstagram #spotify #applepodcasts #lifestylepodcast #womenpodcasters #womenempowerment Thanks for Listening, Follow us on Instagram @lifeisshortgetdivorced www.lifeisshortgetdivorced.com

Today's guest is renowned psychologist, writer, and teacher Gay Hendricks, PhD, best known for his work in the field of body intelligence, relationships, and personal growth. The curtain is pulled back in this one, revealing what's keeping you from living and expressing fully, discerning between growth and misalignment in relationships, and finding center within your personal genius zone.  Don't miss this heart-filled conversation, as K+L reveal the profound effect Dr. Hendricks's work has had in their own lives (during their Saturn return) and how it formed an important foundation for the early years of Almost 30, inspiring us to support people in their own evolution.  Start a path toward harmony of mind, body, and spirit today – and share this episode with a friend who's on the journey with you.  We also talk about:How your upper limit affects your career and relationships Discover what you love doing and do more of it Taking a big leap into your genius Unconscious vs. conscious loving Roadmap for conscious relationships Communicating authentically Taking responsibility in your relationships Your body is a parfait Honing your ability to receive  Resources:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hendricks.gay/ (@hendricks.gay) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gayhendricks (Gay Hendricks) YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/hendricksinstitute (hendricksinstitute) Website: https://hendricks.com (hendricks.com)  Foundation: https://foundationforconsciousliving.org/ (foundationforconsciousliving.org) Read: https://www.amazon.com/The-Big-Leap-Gay-Hendricks-audiobook/dp/B00282MRQI/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=gay+hendricks&qid=1665547974&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI0Ljc4IiwicXNhIjoiNC40NyIsInFzcCI6IjQuNTQifQ%3D%3D&sr=8-3 (The Big Leap), https://www.amazon.com/Five-Wishes-Gay-Hendricks-audiobook/dp/B00188ABNE/ref=sr_1_13?keywords=gay+hendricks&qid=1665547974&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI0Ljc4IiwicXNhIjoiNC40NyIsInFzcCI6IjQuNTQifQ%3D%3D&sr=8-13 (Five Wishes), https://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Loving-audiobook/dp/B071X7FFGY/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=gay+hendricks&qid=1665547974&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI0Ljc4IiwicXNhIjoiNC40NyIsInFzcCI6IjQuNTQifQ%3D%3D&sr=8-5 (Conscious Loving), https://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Loving-Ever-After-audiobook/dp/B016V425VA/ref=sr_1_11?keywords=gay+hendricks&qid=1665547974&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI0Ljc4IiwicXNhIjoiNC40NyIsInFzcCI6IjQuNTQifQ%3D%3D&sr=8-11 (Conscious Loving Ever After) & https://www.amazon.com/s?k=gay+hendricks&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_13 (more) Join our community:http://almost30.com/membership (almost30.com/membership) https://www.facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups (facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups) Podcast disclaimer can be found by visiting: https://almost30.com/disclaimer (almost30.com/disclaimer).  Find more to love at http://almost30.com/ (almost30.com)! Almost 30 is edited by http://crate.media (Crate Media). Mentioned in this episode: https://almost30.captivate.fm/srimu ( Use code ALMOST30 for 20% off all single orders, and 20% off your first 4 orders when you sign up for a subscription, at SriMu.com.) https://almost30.captivate.fm/issuu (Get started for free or get 50% off a premium account at issuu.com/podcast and use code ALMOST30) https://almost30.captivate.fm/gladskin (Almost 30 listeners receive 15% off plus FREE shipping on your first order at Gladskin.com/Almost30.) https://almost30.captivate.fm/lmnt (Go to DrinkLMNT.com/Almost30 for a special offer.) Chirp http://chirpbooks.com/almost30 (Go to chirpbooks.com/almost30 and grab our next pick, Getting The Love You Want, on sale for $1.99 for a limited time.)

Bestselling poet and author, Rupi Kaur, joins Krista for an intimate conversation on where she's at in her life – mentally, emotionally, physically – as she nears her thirtieth birthday. In this raw, honest conversation, Rupi opens up about the deep grief she feels for herself, the mounting pressure that her success has brought into her life, and the realization that she needed time away from the noise. She also takes us behind the scenes on the process of writing her latest, Healing Through Writing, a book of prompts and writing exercises that began as a personal practice to stimulate creative ideas. On that subject, Rupi adds that each and every person is innately creative – and invites us to embrace and cherish that energy in whatever way we can. We also talk about: Feeling it all + carrying the weight Checking in before turning 30 Grieving the past  Leaving the chase behind Lessons from her parents  Being bad at boundaries  Nurturing friendships  Healing Through Writing Resources: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rupikaur_/ (@rupikaur_) Get tickets to Rupi's world tour: https://rupikaur.com/ (rupikaur.com) Read: https://rupikaur.com/pages/healing-through-words (Healing Through Words by Rupi Kaur) Read: https://www.amazon.com/Milk-Honey-Rupi-Kaur/dp/144947425X (Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur) Read: https://www.amazon.com/Sun-Her-Flowers-Rupi-Kaur/dp/1449486797 (The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur) Watch: https://www.amazon.com/Rupi-Kaur-Live/dp/B09DNS3XSD (Rupi Kaur Live on Amazon Prime Video) Join our community: http://almost30.com/membership (almost30.com/membership) https://www.facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups (facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups) Podcast disclaimer can be found by visiting: https://almost30.com/disclaimer (almost30.com/disclaimer).  Find more to love at http://almost30.com/ (almost30.com)! Almost 30 is edited by http://crate.media/ (Crate Media). Mentioned in this episode: CLEARSTEM http://clearstemskincare.com (Go to clearstemskincare.com and use code ALMOST30 for 15% off.) SriMu http://srimu.com (Use code ALMOST30 for 20% off all single orders, and 20% off your first 4 orders when you sign up for a subscription, at SriMu.com.) Chirp http://chirpbooks.com/almost30 (Go to chirpbooks.com/almost30 and grab our next pick, Getting The Love You Want, on sale for $1.99 for a limited time.) BetterHelp https://betterhelp.com/almost30 (Visit BetterHelp.com/ALMOST30 today to get 10% off your first month.) Seed http://seed.com/ALMOST30 (Visit seed.com/ALMOST30 to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic with code ALMOST30.)

Prolific author and poet, Diego Perez, aka Yung Pueblo, sits with Lindsey for this special episode on the powers of meditation, living in partnership, the creative process, and so much more. We also talk about https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/667686/lighter-by-yung-pueblo/ (Lighter), his new book, inspired by the feeling of shedding weight and past traumas he's experienced through his advanced meditation practice. Diego shares some great wedding tips and explains how he and his wife go ten, sometimes forty-five, days at a time without seeing or speaking to one another at meditation retreats – and how finding the practice has changed his worldview forever.  It might sound cliche, but this conversation will leave you feeling lighter. Diego's words and deep wisdom, especially outside of the questionable confines of social media (which we also unpack), are powerful and resonant.  We also talk about: Emotional immaturity vs. maturity  Preventative communication Meditation practice Finding your intuition Living in partnership Diego's creative process  Who is Yung Pueblo? Relationship with the past Resources: Pre-order https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/667686/lighter-by-yung-pueblo/ (Lighter) by Yung Pueblo Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yung_pueblo/?hl=en (@yung_pueblo) https://www.wisdomventuresfund.com/ (Wisdom Venture Funds) Join our community: http://almost30.com/membership (almost30.com/membership) https://www.facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups (facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups) Podcast disclaimer can be found by visiting: https://almost30.com/disclaimer (almost30.com/disclaimer).  Find more to love at http://almost30.com/ (almost30.com)! Almost 30 is edited by http://crate.media/ (Crate Media). Mentioned in this episode: PodcastPro Launch Intensive https://almost30.com/podcast-pro (Join our 7-day intensive and take your podcast from idea to launch. Enrollment closes on September 9, 2022!) Storyworth http://storyworth.com/almost30 (Get to know your loved ones better and preserve those special moments forever at StoryWorth.com/almost30, and save $10 on your first purchase for a limited time.) Chirp http://chirpbooks.com/almost30 (Go to chirpbooks.com/almost30 and grab our next pick, Getting The Love You Want, on sale for $1.99 for a limited time.) Cymbiotika http://cymbiotika.com/discount/ALMOST30 (Use code ALMOST30 at checkout for 15% off your first purchase at cymbiotika.com/discount/ALMOST30.) SriMu http://srimu.com (Use code ALMOST30 for 20% off all single orders, and 20% off your first 4 orders when you sign up for a subscription, at SriMu.com.) OSEA http://oseamalibu.com (Find your new skincare and body care favorites at oseamalibu.com, and get a special discount just for our listeners.)

You do not need to agree with your partner, you need to see the mess they are. Your partner is not an extension of you. Your partner is a unique individual who has an equally valid point of view and failure to recognize each other's separate existence is a major source of conflict in relationships. A relationship will truly work if you spend time hearing each other instead of talking at each other. Take a moment and ask yourself a few questions.  Have I communicated my expectations in a clear way that my partner understood? Am I projecting unsaid expectations on my partner? Am I reacting or responding? What does a resolution look like for us? We all deserve love, peace and happiness.XX Shaunahttps://sculptedx3.co/Resources:  Book References: Sis Don't Settle by Faith Jenkins and Getting The Love You Want by Harville HendrixKettle&Fire Bone Broth 20% Off: https://glnk.io/48z9/sonographer-squatsTERP Nutrition: Get your daily and nightly CBD drops! Enhanced mood, energy and quality sleep. https://www.terpnutrition.com/ Discount Code: SSQUATSTake What You Need & Leave What You Don'tPlease Always Reach Out: shauna@sculptedx3.com

Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, LEGENDS in the couple's therapy field and authors of NYT bestseller Getting The Love You Want, join Damona to explain the new definition of relationships and why fear is the center of every romance. Damona covers headlines: Christina Haack and Renee Zellwegger prove that slow love is the only way to go and Reddit might be able to help with your dating profile. Damona answers listener questions: Do divorced guys get a bad wrap in dating and do men in their 50s only want women half their age? Get Harville & Helen's book, Getting The Love You Want, on Amazon or wherever you get your books! Want to be a part of Damona's Content Club? You should consider joining the FWBs at Patreon.com/datesandmates This episode is brought to you by TextNow! textnow.com/goyn Dates & Mates is sponsored by TextNow. The app solves many major challenges D's clients face in dating today: You can keep your main number private You can separate your personal and dating contacts Plus, It's easy to use and FREE. We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona's video on when & how to give out your number: textnow.com/goyn   Today's Sponsor: betterhelp.com/datesandmates Get Better Help: real therapy, convenient and affordable. Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. BetterHelp.com/datesandmates Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This season is the Step Into You Season - it's allllll about helping you step into the person you want to be. All of us - at one point or another - have periods of feeling a bit flat, disconnected from ourselves and burnt-out. My intention with this season is to help you move from a “low-res” version of yourself to the full-blown, glorious Technicolor version of you. Each week, I'll be exploring a different life area to help you upgrade your life.   My Step Into You Program is closing soon! Sometimes we need something to snap ourselves out of our rut, to shake off the dust, to raise our vibration to one of focus, abundance and - most of all - possibility. This is EXACTLY why I created my Step Into You program: to move you from a faded, tired, low-res version of yourself to your full Technicolour dazzling glory. Over six weeks, I've broken down the very best bits of my one-on-one mentoring to create a six-week program that delivers the goods… and then some. Find out more here; https://lorrainemurphy.com.au/step-into-you-program/. Doors close on Monday 15th February. Onto my guest this week… My husband Wade and I began working with relationship therapist Dr. Robert Maciver in mid-2020. After our first Zoom session with him, we were both stunned at how much progress we had made in connecting together more, and understanding each other better. We have both learned so much from Robert, and I talked about our work with him a little in my How I Stepped Into My Sexuality episode recently. So I was thrilled when he agreed to be interviewed for the show. In our conversation, Robert shares: The different modalities of relationship therapy that he works with  How our childhoods influence our patterns later on in life in romantic relationships How to know if we need to see a relationship therapist… and how to find a good one! His advice if one of you wants couples' therapy but the other doesn't The top 3 issues that the couples who come to see him are experiencing The vital importance of eye contact in a romantic relationship How men and women's brains are wired differently - this changed EVERYTHING for me! How - for a woman in a relationship - her benchmark for success in her life is how happy her relationship is I know that Robert's insights will be a gamechanger for many of you, and I'm so grateful to him for being on the show. You can find Robert at www.lovingrelationships.com.au. Resources we mention in this episode: Harville Hendrix's book is called Getting The Love You Want. The two relationship modalities that Robert mentions are Pact and Imago therapy. The Dan Berger summary of men vs. women's brains is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntk1Tl7dscI See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The girls discuss the book, Getting The Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix. The book offers insight into what we look for in a partner and why, how we can effectively navigate difficult situations in our relationships, and why self-love and self-awareness are vital to a successful partnership. They also share personal experiences about what they’ve been attracted to and turned off by in past relationships. This episode was sponsored by FEALS, Function of Beauty, Care/of, and Helix For 50% off your first order, go to “TAKECAREOF.COM/SELFHELPLESS 50” and enter code “SELF HELPLESS 50” Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/helpless. Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/helpless to let them know we sent you, and to get 20% off your order. And go to FEALS.com/HELPLESS to become a member and get 50% automatically taken off your first order with free shipping. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For some people, the idea of a permanent commitment to one partner feels a little old-fashioned. Just flick on Netflix, and you’ll find plenty of documentaries about people opting into polyamorous relationships or other non-traditional setups. When things get tough, we might think that this person mustn’t be right for us, and it’s easier just to let them go.  Despite all of this scepticism around marriage and relationships, deep down, we still long for lasting love. Getting The Love You Want shows us the key to finding your perfect match, which is buried deep beneath the surface. Superficially, you might argue over who did the dishes, where to go on holiday or who is looking after the kids. But it goes much deeper than that. To understand how to build the optimal love life, we need to realise an unwritten agenda formed early in life.

Their work has saved many a marriage and inspired the communication techniques we teach at Sedona Soul Adventures.  Famed Couples Counselors Dr. Harville Hendrix and his wife Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt share their own troubling love story and how they discovered the secret of their successful work. They were both divorced when they met and the question that he asked that won her heart, “Why does the dream become a nightmare?”.  She asked him to marry her and knew she could help get his insights out to the world.   Their journey to true love led them both into therapy where they were told it was hopeless.  The solution they created for themselves is the basis of their work and their best seller  “Getting The Love You Want, A Guide for Couples''   In this interview they share the core principles of their work which are the very same principles behind much of what couples experience on their Soul Adventures.  They talk about the importance of creating new positive memories with shared beautiful experiences which is really what we’re all about. Take a listen as the grandparents of out of the box therapeutic technique share their work. Get the book here: https://tinyurl.com/y682cfaj

We speak with newly elected president of the Houston LGBT Chamber of Commerce. This organization works to accelerate economic opportunity for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer + business community through a strong network of business allies, innovative programs, strategic partnerships and advance policies that foster economic inclusion and equality.GUEST: Tammi Wallacehttps://www.houstonlgbtchamber.comThen, we speak with Dr. Joe Kort. Psychotherapist, coach and author Joe Kort, Ph.D, MSW, MA founded his practice in 1985.  Its specialties include:  Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy, emphasizing how being knowledgeable about gay issues informs the therapeutic process, and IMAGO Relationship Therapy, a specific program to help couples and singles learn to improve their communication and relationship skills. It is based on the books Getting The Love You Want  and Keeping The Love You Find  by Dr. Harville Hendrix.This practice specializes in sex therapy and sexual identity issues, including Out-Of-Control Sexual Behavior; responsible non-monogamy/monogamy; childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse; mixed-orientation marriages; coming out; and depression and anxiety. The group offers workshops for couples and singles.All services are for people of any sexual orientation. GUEST: Joe Kort Ph.D.http://www.joekort.com

We speak with Dr. Joe Kort. Psychotherapist, coach and author Joe Kort, Ph.D, MSW, MA founded his practice in 1985.  Its specialties include:  Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy, emphasizing how being knowledgeable about gay issues informs the therapeutic process, and IMAGO Relationship Therapy, a specific program to help couples and singles learn to improve their communication and relationship skills. It is based on the books Getting The Love You Want  and Keeping The Love You Find  by Dr. Harville Hendrix.This practice specializes in sex therapy and sexual identity issues, including Out-Of-Control Sexual Behavior; responsible non-monogamy/monogamy; childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse; mixed-orientation marriages; coming out; and depression and anxiety. The group offers workshops for couples and singles.All services are for people of any sexual orientation. 

Why did you fall in love with your spouse?  Why do people fall in love with the person they fall in love? And perhaps even more importantly for our time together, why do those same relationships cause such pain? How can love turn painful and hurtful? Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt have been on the forefront of helping hurting marriages for decades.  In 1988, their seminal book, Getting The Love You Want, came out to great acclaim.  It was an international best-seller. In that book (now revised), Harville and Helen reveal their Imago Theory of why we fall in love, and why it can either be hurtful or healing.  They also provide exercises for couples to explore their own Imago relating, to help with healing and health. Some time ago, Harville and Helen gave me some of their time to share their thoughts and direction on how to create a loving relationship.  This interview was originally part of a special program.  But I decided to share it with you, because of the powerful information they shared. Listen below to discover how understanding your Imago and help heal your marriage. RELATED RESOURCES Book:  Getting The Love You Want Website for Harville and Helen What Happy Couples Know Series The Save The Marriage System

Walk with us on this journey of discovering the power of attachments and the role they play in our lives with Loretta Brazil and Host, Carla Michelle as they discuss: Insecure vs. Secure Attachments Early Childhood Attachments Working through the negative impact How to discover the signs (are you jealous, a non-romantic or using sex to impress?) What to do next Books for your consideration - Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Chid Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis Questions? Reach out to Loretta Brazil at EnergyTemenousBalance@gmail.com **Carla Michelle, Host - The STRONG Woman's Network Podcast** Follow on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mscarlamichelle/ LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/carla-michelle-executive-coach-960965b5/ Website https://www.drcarlainc.com/

Do you ever feel misunderstood by your partner? Do you truly understand how your partner feels about a particular situation? Do things turn south every time you try to have a hard conversation with your partner? Ashley and Jason discuss a communication method that could help! This episode is inspired by the book Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

From January 8, 1993: Oprah interviews self-help author and Oprah Show regular guest Harville Hendrix, who teaches us how to make our relationships not only last longer, but become happier. He talks about overcoming trust issues, childhood wounds appearing in adulthood and how marriage is a structure for healing. He also works with several couples on making their love last and discusses his books Getting The Love You Want and Keeping The Love You Find. Oprah explains how Getting the Love You Want helped improve her relationship with Stedman Graham. Of Harville’s work, Oprah says, “I saw relationships not solely as the kind of romantic pursuit our society celebrates, but as a spiritual partnership that's meant to change how you see yourself and the world.” Harville is a New York Times best-selling author, international speaker and couples therapist with more than 40 years of experience as an educator, clinical trainer and lecturer who has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show 17 times.

From January 8, 1993: Oprah interviews self-help author and Oprah Show regular guest Harville Hendrix, who teaches us how to make our relationships not only last longer, but become happier. He talks about overcoming trust issues, childhood wounds appearing in adulthood and how marriage is a structure for healing. He also works with several couples on making their love last and discusses his books Getting The Love You Want and Keeping The Love You Find. Oprah explains how Getting the Love You Want helped improve her relationship with Stedman Graham. Of Harville’s work, Oprah says, “I saw relationships not solely as the kind of romantic pursuit our society celebrates, but as a spiritual partnership that's meant to change how you see yourself and the world.” Harville is a New York Times best-selling author, international speaker and couples therapist with more than 40 years of experience as an educator, clinical trainer and lecturer who has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show 17 times.

Did you know having a sense of wonder about the people you interact with is good for your neurochemistry? Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, the creators of IMAGO relationship therapy, authors of Getting The Love You Want, and legends in the world of conscious communication join us to delve into how romantic relationships lead to mutual healing. For the full show notes visit: https://neurohacker.com/your-brain-craves-connection-how-love-impacts-your-neurochemistry

Show Description: In today's current events, we talk about Instagram removing likes, Chinese internet hackers infiltrating SMS messaging, an entrepreneur who capitalized on a Krispy Kreme Donuts opportunity, and a helpful and efficient 20-minute kettle bell workout. For real life experience, Slager highlights his nutrition and coaching seminar with Dr. Andy Galpin, and Tim talks about a new initiative he is starting at work. In book talk, Tim talks about a strategy to overcome nervousness from "Mind Gym" by Gary Mack, and Slager talks about changing for the better in your relationship, reflecting on "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. Show Highlights: 3:00-16:00: We answer a burning question involving common courtesy in door holding, discuss a kid hiring a hitman on Instagram, and the key takeaways from the nutrition and fitness coaching seminar that Slager attended with Andy Galpin. 16:00-20:30: We talk about Instagram's latest announcement to remove likes, and the impacts this will have on consumers and influencers. 20:30-24:00: We talk about Chinese internet hackers infiltrating SMS text messaging services, and what we can do to avoid being hacked. 24:00-32:30: We highlight an entrepreneur from Minnesota who turned Krispy Kreme donuts into a prime business opportunity. His response to the company shutting down his operation yields lessons about emotional intelligence. 32:30-36:15: Slager gives insights on a 20-minute kettle bell workout (developed by Tom Holland) for arms, glutes, and core. 36:15-40:30: Tim talks about a new initiative he started at work for employee engagement, and how it can teach us an important lesson about the impact of handwritten notes 40:30-45:00: Tim reflects on one of his favorite books "Mind Gym" and provides a strategy to overcome nervousness for your next big interview, meeting, presentation, or performance. 45:00-51:00: Slager talks about a key takeaway from "Getting the Love You Want," which involves admiring characteristics that were present in our caretakers, and why partners need to change for the betterment of the other.

*Listen on SoundCloud *Subscribe to the People Being Real YouTube Channel   “They say going to Burning Man when you’re in a relationship will either break your relationship or bring you closer together.”   Thankfully, Mark, Jen, AND their relationship come out 2019’s Burn stronger than ever.   But it wasn’t without its challenges and hurdles to overcome. Since this year’s Burning Man was Mark’s 10th straight and Jen’s first-ever, they had different expectations and desires for the week-long adventure. But through much patience, gratitude, and most of all Love, they were able to fully immerse themselves in the Black Rock Wonderland and return home on a high that doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon.   If you’d like to hear what challenges they specifically faced, what they learned about and from each other, how they’re living the principles of Burning Man now that they’ve returned, and how Mark believes the 10 Principles of Burning Man could be improved on, check out Episode 239 of People Being Real!   Enjoy!!     Connect with Mark: Email / Email / Instagram  |  Facebook  |  Twitter Connect with Jen: Instagram  |  Facebook  |  LinkedIn   Show Notes: -Why Jen wanted to go to Burning Man and what she expected vs. what we actually got. (03:15) -The differences in what Mark and Jen wanted to experience at Burning Man. (10:36) -What it was like for Mark to be Jen's guide on her first experience through Burning Man. (13:31) -Mark’s thoughts on The 10 Principles of Burning Man and what he would change about them. (16:26) -Their experience with 'The Burn Night' and how the overall experience helped them connect more deeply than ever. (18:32) -Jen’s & Mark’s favorite experiences at Burning Man and how they helped each other stretch. (22:06) -Other challenges that Jen and Mark faced during their stay on the playa and how they overcame them. (24:09) - Other lessons they learned from Burning Man. (30:15)   Things to check out:•Jen-Stone.com •BurningMan.org •"Getting The Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix 

Following up on episode 207, Pain Not Transformed is Transmitted, I answer the specific question of how our pain is transformed. "We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship. Indeed, we cannot be fully healed outside of a relationship." — Harville Hendrix, Getting The Love You Want https://recoveredman.com/208

In this incredibly raw interview with The Love Gurus LA we talk about SEX. Aila and Jonathan, the couple behind Love Gurus LA, emphasize our need for connection: Connection with our partners and connection with ourselves and our bodies. To say this conversation was eye opening would be an understatement. Have we been having sex wrong this whole time?? Thanks Jonathan and Aila for spending your afternoon with us. If you're interested in attending one of their courses, head over to their website or Instagram @TheLoveGurusLA. Here are the books that were brought up in the episode: Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston, Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you enjoyed this episode please remember to subscribe and leave us a comment on your favorite podcast platform. Until then follow us on Instagram and Facebook @heavytopics.

Show Description: In today's current events, we talk about a couple who started its own ecommerce business after making the risky jump from a stable work environment, Salesforce's acquisition of Tableau, and a double homicide involving two former senators who are connected to corrupt information within the Arkansas and Oklahoma state governments. In real life experience, Slager reflects on a valuable conversation he had with a patient regarding self-improvement, and Tim explains a small life change he made that has enhanced the way he looks at fitness and cardio. In the book talk section, Slager talks about seeing the truth behind your partner's criticisms, influenced by "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. Tim ends the show highlighting the three ways we discover life, analyzing Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning." Show Highlights: 4:00-7:15: We each give our weekend recap, featuring Slager's experience seeing Joe Rogan. 7:15-11:15: A couple quit their stable and financially secure jobs to start their own successful ecommerce business, and we discuss the deeper lessons within this inspiring story. 11:15-21:30: Two former senators were found dead inside their homes, stemming behind corruption in the state courts, and we discuss the implications that this has on the public's trust in government. 21:30-29:00: Salesforce acquires the interactive data visualization software company Tableau. The impact of this on the cloud industry, the rivalries with Microsoft and Google, and the Salesforce stock. 29:00-36:00: Slager highlights a conversation he had with a patient involving what it means to grow yourself everyday. 36:00-42:00: Tim's gift from his dad's storage unit has revitalized his cardio regimen. He explains why. 42:00-49:30: Drawing from "Getting The Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix, Slager explains what it means to see the truth behind your partner's criticisms. 49:30-59:00: Inspired by Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning," Tim discusses the three ways we as humans discover the meaning to life.

Show Description: In today's current events, we get into San Francisco banning facial recognition software use by the police, gang racketeering and extortion on small business in Mexico City, Vita Coco's new marketing strategy geared toward its haters, and a man from Venezuela enduring plastic surgery to look like a comic book character. In the real life experience section, we discuss the overlooked benefits of drinking water and its positive impact on Tim's energy levels, and Slager's lesson learned from this past weekend involving maximizing your present moment. In the book talk portion of the show, Tim highlights an article influenced by an MBA Marketing Professor from NYU involving 3 simple success habits, and Slager discusses what it means to project the life you want, drawing from "Getting The Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. Show Highlights: 5:00-11:30: San Francisco became the first major city to ban facial recognition. We dive into why this happened, the pros and cons of facial recognition, and how we can strike a balance between using it for public safety and not intruding on people's daily lives. 11:30:-18:00: Homicides are rising in Mexico City due to gangs increasing racketeering and extortion on small businesses. We discuss corruption in Mexico and how gangs are striking fear into the country. 18:00-23:30: Vita Coco launched a new marketing campaign geared toward its toughest critics. We explore the marketing advantages of going after the hater "niche" and addressing both the good and bad comments about your business. 23:30-28:00: We highlight a man from Venezuela who underwent plastic surgery to make himself look like a comic villain. 28:00-34:45: Tim explains the benefits of drinking water, and he describes specific benefits he has seen in his life relating to energy and headache prevention. 34:45-41:00: Slager draws from real life experience involving making the most out of the present moment. We explain the importance of not comparing your present moment to what other people are doing, and how this can contribute to overall happiness. 41:00-47:30: Drawing from an article involving an MBA Marketing Professor at New York University, Tim analyzes 3 simple life rules that can contribute to remarkable success. 47:30: Slager highlights projecting what you want out of relationships, influenced by the book "Getting The Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix

Interested in a super useful and deeply moving webinar replay featuring a legendary couple, both of whom are couples therapist and bestselling authors? If so, you’re in luck!    SHOWNOTES:   Why Do Couples Fight? [5:00] Expecting Your Partner To Fulfill Your Unmet Childhood Needs [10:00] What Does It Take To Love Your Partner More Than Yourself? [19:00] The Importance Of Being Present [26:00] Applying The Still Face Experiment & Being Present To Adult Interaction [35:00] Turning Being Present With Each Other Into A Spiritual Practice [42:00] How To Inspire Change In Your Partner [45:00] How To Heal Insecure Attachment [50:00] Helping Your Partner Recover From Dysregulation [54:00] Why Caring For Your Relationship IS Self-Care [55:00] Learning What Your Partner Really Needs [1:07:00] Harville's Thoughts On Co-Dependency & Co-Regulation [1:15:00] When Only One Of You Is Willing To Do The Work Is There Any Point? [1:19:00]   Changes In The New Version of Getting The Love You Want [1:25:00]    Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast227  

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 162 of our show. This week Stuart welcomes Lauren Selfridge to the podcast. Lauren became interested in becoming a therapist after being a lifelong client of therapy. She wanted to be a couple's therapist. While in school she began to have symptoms of what she later learned was Multiple Sclerosis. Lauren is joining us to talk about a topic that is important to a lot of people, that of having a loved one with a chronic illness. She had to learn to live with this illness while training to be a therapist. Stuart has a personal connection with this topic as his daughter has had medical issues throughout her life and he's been very open about talking about what living with someone who has medical issues and the impact on family and relationships. Poem: Welcome to Holland http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html   What you'll learn about in today's podcast: Lauren's journey has helped her to be a better therapist 10:56 How talking about chronic illness is important in a couple's relationship 14:07 When one of you is ill and you can't participate in activities you love 16:09 It's about the attitude and the experience 18:17 Chronic illness will show you who you really are  22:24 You are not your disease 23:44 Navigating emotions and illness in a relationship is tricky 24:22 Doing the work early in the relationship makes it better when the challenges come 26:12 Suggestions for couples dealing with health challenges 32:27   It's so important to separate the person from the illness and for each partner in the relationship to realize that there's a lot of guilt and shame that comes if they're feeling like they brought the illness into the relationship vs. both partners are united in battling the challenges together as a unified team. This distinction helps for couples to remain close and connected and allow them to give each other space to talk about how they're feeling about the challenge. Each person should be able to express how the changes affect them , the fears and concerns they have and hopefully through doing this gain a deeper insight into how each of them are feeling about what both are going through. We want to extend our thanks to Lauren Selfridge for being on the podcast this week. You can learn more about Lauren and listen to her podcast “This is Not What I Ordered” here : https://laurenselfridge.com/   Getting The Love You Want book and workshop recommended by Lauren Selfridge https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001     The Couples Expert is sponsored by: The Annual Relationship Check up! There's a way for you to do an evaluation on just where you are in your relationship right now. https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/   Next Week: Join Stuart next week when he tackles another health-related topic of genuine concern for couples: That of sexuality as we age. We hope you'll listen in.   Email Stuart at:  podcast@thecouplesexperts.com   Until next time, stay connected!

Notes from the Show:-Andrea Owen on The Web | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest | YouTube-check out her first episode on the pod here (episode #164)-you can also hear Andrea interview ME on her podcast here-her new book: How to Stop Feeling Like Shit + join the free book club too-Other books we mention: Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, The Women Who Run with Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés-we mention Angeles Arrien's writings and work on the four basic human addictions -Scriviner is the writing tool Andrea loves-article: "A Guide to Using Instagram without Losing Your Goddamn Mind"-Brene Brown-music Andrea is loving: Dorothy & Florence and The Machine Listener Give-Away:Enter before February 20th, 2018 to win some of my favorite Juice Beauty products! If you haven't already listened to my episode with Juice Beauty founder Karen you can tune into that here. We'll be giving away Green Apple Age Defy Solutions Kit, Illuminating Primer, Flawless Finishing Powder in Translucent (it’s 1 shade for all skin types) and a Liquid Lip in 'Gwyneth' color. Enter to win here Cool Things to Check-Out:- My friend and past podcast guest Jess Merman has a new Know Your Endo Toolkit Course, a practical program specially designed for anyone that deals with Endometriosis.- Kim Anami (another past pod guest) is launching her Vaginal Kung Fu course starting February, 2018. This course is a perfect for deepening your relationship with your body and yourself and has ripple effects in all areas on your life (from relationships to career).-Interested in learning how to launch your own podcast? I'm gaging interest for podcast advising + perhaps eventually an online course down the line. Email us to let us know if you're interested.-Sign-up for my newsletter to get updates on where I'll be and what I'm loving!-Join the listener Facebook Group-Get my book Let It Out: A Journey Through Journaling-The Good Fest will be in L.A. on Feb. 3rd, 2018 !! Get $10 off with the code "KATIEDALEBOUT"  — Show Sponsors — Care/OfHave you signed up and tried out Care/Of yet?? If you have tweet me your pics of your cute packs! If not you NEED to give them a try. Why do I love them so much?  Care/Of creates personalized supplement packets for you based on your unique needs and delivers them in daily customized packets for 20% less than comparable brands. They come in cute customizable packages (that have your name on them!) making them easy to take with you on the go and know exactly what to take each day.  It's a win-win-win, you save time, you save money and your optimizing your health specific to YOU.Enter the code "KATIE" at checkout for 50% off your first order. Splendid SpoonLove good, wholesome food but don’t always have time to prepare it during your week? Splendid Spoon to the rescue! Splendid Spoon delivers wholesome good for you soups, smoothies and nourishing plant-based bowls directly to you each week allowing your to embrace home cooked meals while having the extra time to balance doing the other things you love in your life. They have multiple weekly programs that are simple, satisfying, wholesome and built to fit your needs. If you haven’t already listed to the pod episode with Nicole, the founder, you can tune into that here. And don’t forget to take advantage of the discount code with the link below!Get $20 off your first order with Splendid Spoon by using the link www.Splendid.to/LETITOUT20 

Welcome to episode 49 of the Sexology Podcast, today I am delighted to be joined by Dr. Joe Kort, Ph.D. He talks to us about why some straight men are drawn to gay sex, the taboo of talking about this topic and how are compulsive behaviors different from sexual attraction.  Psychotherapist, coach and author Joe Kort, Ph.D., MSW, MA founded his practice in 1985. Its specialties include: Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy, emphasizing how being knowledgeable about gay issues informs the therapeutic process, and IMAGO Relationship Therapy, a specific program to help couples and singles learn to improve their communication and relationship skills. It is based on the books Getting The Love You Want and Keeping The Love You Find by Dr. Harville Hendrix.  This practice specializes in sex therapy and sexual identity issues, including Out-Of-Control Sexual Behavior; responsible non-monogamy/monogamy; childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse; mixed-orientation marriages; coming out; and depression and anxiety. The group offers workshops for couples and singles. In this episode, you will hear:   Why some straight men are drawn to gay sex but aren't gay The compartmentalization men can make between gay sex and being gay How society says it's ok for women to have sex other women but not the same for men How trauma reenactment can play a role in this issue The taboo and difficulty to talk about this with partners How are compulsive behaviors different from sexual attraction? How the more this issue gets repressed, the more it will come up The role shame plays around this issue How homophobia can be used as a smokescreen   Resources http://www.joekort.com http://www.straightguise.com    

Sex positive mental health professionals are hard to find. Enter marriage & family therapist, Kate Loree. In this episode she tells us: how to deal with family  you have opposing political views with, finding a kink-friendly therapist, what corrective experiences are & why you should seek them out, how to tell a partner you’re kinky, what to do if you & your partner have mismatched libido, why we tend to eroticise our fears when it comes to sexual fantasies, what the deal is with sex addiction, and more.    Guest Bio  Kate Loree, LMFT is a sex-positive licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialty in kink, non-monogamous, LGBTQ, and sex worker communities. In addition to her Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, she is also a registered art therapist (ATR) and has a second Masters in Business Administration (MBA). She has been practicing psychotherapy for fourteen years and has additional training in EMDR and the Trauma Resiliency Model (TRM) for the treatment of trauma including sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. She has been featured in Buzzfeed videos, has frequently been a guest on Playboy Radio and The Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast, and has written for Good Vibrations and Hollywood Magazine. She is currently writing her first book. Privately, she has been connected to poly, swing and kink communities since 2003 and understands the hurdles, massive emotional growth, and amazing joy these worlds can provide. Her private practice resides in Encino, CA. Episode 10 Topics Avoiding toxic family, Amber Rose Slutwalk, depression and the Trump administration, monitoring your emotional gas tank, sexless marriages, glass dildos, Sex Nerd Sandra Daugherty, mass hypnosis, sexual compulsive behaviors, how to find a sex-positive therapist, slut shaming, suicidal ideation, parasympathetic nervous system, how to initiate sex if you’re shy, rape culture, Tristan Taormino's Open List, consent violations in the BDSM community, Aquaman Fetish, sex educators as sex coaches, corrective experiences, mismatched libido, therapeutic kink, Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, cuckold fantasy, Dan Savage on dealing with adult temper tantrums, sex addiction, sex classes at sex toy stores, the “Orange Depression”, attachment injuries, using BDSM to overcome your fears Episode 10 Links Kate Loree Website Kate Loree Twitter Kate Lorree Facebook Kate Loree Instagram Recommended Resources Tristan Taormino's Open List Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix   Other Mentions Chicago BDSM Class:  http://bit.ly/bdsmclasssunny Kinkly Sex Blogger 2017 voting: http://bit.ly/votesunny Episode 10 Sponsor & Giveaway Info Sex Toy Spotlight item of the week: Harness Compatible Glass Dildos (get them, or almost anything else at Castle Megastore for 20% off with Code SUNNY) Angela White Fleshlight Contest: Win an Angela White Fleshlight and a copy of Angela Loves Women 3 which signed by both Angela White and Abella Danger, Contest extended-- runs from 10/1-10/31/17. No purchase necessary. Enter online at Castle Megastore Wonder O Wand Giveaway at sunnymegatron.com: Provided by Castle Megastore. Entrants must be be over 18, US resident, no purchase necessary. Visit the giveaway page for details and to enter: http://sunnymegatron.com/wandgiveaway/

Has the romance faded from your relationship? Want to feel those sparks of new romance again? Just want to feel more love and care in your life? The Reromanticizing Exercise comes from the classic relationship guide Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. First published in 1988, this book has been a massive […] The post The Reromanticizing Exercise appeared first on Pleasure Mechanics.

You chose your partners for a reason. "The bottom line for great relationships is you have to know how to deal with differences." -Harville Hendrix The Cheat Sheet: What is zero negativity and how do you use it in a relationship? Imago: what is it and why should you bother to care? Only 10% of the married population is in a healthy, happy marriage: true or false? Why arranged marriages have historically worked better than love matches. What roles do safety and curiosity play in a healthy relationship? And so much more... Have you ever wondered why you choose the partners you chose in relationships? Or why so many people seem to fall in love, only to be miserable with each other down the road? Harville Hendrix joins us today to answer these questions, and the psychology behind why relationships work or don't work out. Harville is a relationship expert, therapist, coach and author of several books including Getting The Love You Want. He joins us to chat about all of this and much more on episode 362 of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: For over 35 years Harville Hendrix has worked in the field of relationships. In that time he and his wife Helen have worked with countless couples on how to communicate better and stay connected. In that time they've found what works and what doesn't work to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Harville says in order to understand why some connections last and others don't, we need to first understand why we are drawn to the people we are drawn to. Doing so will help us work within our relationships so we're actually getting the love we want. When we're infants we create an image of our caretakers and we're left with an imprint that tells what needs were met, and what needs were not. We create what's called an "imago" when we do this. This becomes our basis for what we seek in a partner. In other words if we had a need that wasn't met by our caretakers (and most of us had some need or many needs), then we actively look for that fulfillment from someone just like our caretaker. At first that might sound illogical (why not just seek someone who can give us what we didn't get and not a replica of the person who didn't give it to us in the first place?), but Harville says we do this so we can create growth for ourselves with that person. And we attract someone who needs something we can't fulfill for them, so we can create a growth opportunity for them in return. But what typically happens is we fall in romantic love, the love blooms and our visions are colored by dopamine and endorphins so we think everything is rosy and perfect. Til one day the dopamine wears off and we see the other person as they truly are. And then we get frustrated that they aren't meeting our unmet needs and they get defensive when we try to talk about these needs, because we don't know how to effectively communicate without triggering the other person. So instead of effectively working on these difficulties, most people either give up and break off the relationship or end the marriage. In most cases we do this because we haven't learned how to talk to each other in a way that creates a safe space for the other person. We try to ask for what we need, but take a position of authority and a defensive tone that simply leads to our partner becoming defensive in return. To rectify this and to create a safe relationship to thrive in, Harville has a few suggestions. And these are suggestions he has witnessed work for countless couples, it's the basis for his practice, his books and his programs. There are three things we need to do to create a safe relationship where both people can discuss their needs. The first is to learn how to talk. Instead of our usual monologue, which is how most people speak, we need to have a dialogue. And in this dialogue we need to respect our partner's differences and points of view; they should be mirrored, validated, listened to and empathized with. We can also set aside specific time to discuss relationship topics and instead of asking "are you done?", always ask your partner "is there more?". The second thing we can do is to have a zero negativity process. In a zero negativity relationship all conversations you have you affirm your partner as different with the right to their opinions. You don't make them bad because they are different or devalue them because of those differences. This helps create a safe environment where differences can be expressed from both of you. Thirdly affirm each other on a daily basis. Harville and his wife Helen say three things about each other that they appreciate every day. And these are things that happened that day. It's an affirmation process or a gratitude practice for your relationship. This actually helps your brain create new neural pathways and you'll see your partner in a new light. Your partner becomes a source of gratitude, happiness and joy for you instead of a sore spot. There's a plethora of additional relationship and marriage tools and advice in this episode with Harville. He was a terrific guest to have on who shared SO much information, get ready for it when you listen! Thanks for being here Harville, and special thanks to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time on The Art of Charm. THANKS HARVILLE HENDRIX! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Harville know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Harville on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Harville Hendrix's web siteHarville Hendrix on TwitterGetting The Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!