Podcast appearances and mentions of sheri winston

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 26, 2020 25:05

One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they’re harsh, rigid, or mean, and that they damage intimacy. In fact, boundaries can absolutely be expressed in a gentle way. And that’s exactly what I’m going to talk about in detail today! I’ll share six easy and specific ways that you can express a limit gently. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #103: Sometimes we go from one extreme to another, going from struggling to say “no” to saying “no” frequently or in a way that’s difficult for other people to hear. Here are six ways you can express a limit gently: “Thanks, but I can’t.” (Then stop talking!) “That is so kind of you! But I can’t accept/do that today.” “I understand. I’m not able to do that.” Or, “I understand, but I can’t.” (Use this when you’re getting pushback or feeling baited.) “I hear you” or “I hear that.” (Use this when you’ve previously said “no” to the same request.) “Thanks for the opportunity. I’m not available, but I hope your event is fabulous!” “That’s a generous offer, but I’m not able to accept it. I’ll pass, but thank you so much.” Even though these responses are gentle, the recipient may still tell you that you’re being harsh. Your gentleness doesn’t guarantee a certain response. Highlights from Episode #103: Vicki welcomes listeners to the episode and introduces its topic: whether boundaries can be gentle. She also shares a story from Sheri Winston, who was previously on the podcast. [00:39] It’s common to go from one extreme to the other, Vicki explains. [03:52] We hear what it sounds like when we haven’t found ways to express boundaries gently. [08:11] Vicki shares the first four of her strategies for expressing boundaries in a gentle way. [10:44] The recipient of these responses may still say you’re being harsh, Vicki points out, then shares the remaining strategies. [15:11] Each of Vicki’s strategies begins with an acknowledgment, and most have appreciation. [18:56] Vicki points out that you have no control over how the listener responds. [20:26] Links and Resources: Vicki Tidwell Palmer Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Facebook Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram The Radiant Threefold Path Beyond Bitchy on Spotify Clarity Circle Sheri Winston Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #17 - Yes, No & Maybe: Sexual Boundaries for Women with Sheri Winston Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #86 - 5 Ways to Have Fun with Boundaries

women boundaries gentle have fun sheri winston vicki tidwell palmer

GREAT SEX MATTERS WITH SHERI WINSTON

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2020 59:06

Are you missing that playful sexy fun that you had when you first got together with your partner? Are you longing for the excitement that connected you in the first place? Perhaps you're wondering how to re-ignite that spark and fan the flames of passion, these days when we need it most. Join us with sexuality educator, Sheri Winston, founder and director of the Intimate Art Center as we discuss fun ways to create surprise, joy and pleasure within your couple as you spend more time together during isolation.

health internet talk sexuality variety great sex voiceamerica sex matters sheri winston sexy lifestyle

GREAT SEX MATTERS WITH SHERI WINSTON

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2020 59:06

Are you missing that playful sexy fun that you had when you first got together with your partner? Are you longing for the excitement that connected you in the first place? Perhaps you’re wondering how to re-ignite that spark and fan the flames of passion, these days when we need it most. Join us with sexuality educator, Sheri Winston, founder and director of the Intimate Art Center as we discuss fun ways to create surprise, joy and pleasure within your couple as you spend more time together during isolation.

health internet talk sexuality variety great sex voiceamerica sex matters sheri winston sexy lifestyle

Love Lust And Laughter - 05.05.20

Love, Lust, and Laughter

Play Episode Listen Later May 6, 2020 57:24

We need to go from Quarantining to Cocooning. Host Dr. Diana Wiley has a book soon to be published “Love in the Time of Corona,” and her guest is Sheri Winston (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com) author of “Succulent Sex Craft.” Together they spoke of the COVID19 level of uncertainty which often leads to increased stress and anxiety. Since sex is good for reducing stress and deepening a relationship, use this time as an opportunity to explore your sexual relationship and rekindle the sparks of passion. Plan a date night (or morning/afternoon) at home. Put it on the calendar. Sex does not have to be spontaneous. We both have Chapters on touch. Sheri’s has the “Six P’s of Touch: PRESENCE: Be present. Touch here now. PURPOSE: Hold a positive intention. PATIENCE: Don’t rush, Take your time. PRECISION: Be accurate and focused. (Body Painting each other can be a fun game!) PATTERN: Think musically and artistically – use rhythm, themes and motifs. PROGRESSION: Keep it moving – and coherent. Laughing and playing together is important because couples who laugh together last together. Creative silliness is a great solution! The word silly did not originally mean ridiculous or trivial. It comes from the Old English saelig, which meant prosperous, happy, and healthy. A little silliness can help you enjoy all those blessings. Sheri compared some sex to how dogs and cats like to play. The dog, often a man, may dive right into the genitals while the cat-like woman wants more of a warmup connection, going at her pace. Laughter yoga and sexual energy were also discussed. Tune in!

love time corona sex creative plan touch chapters laughter old english love lust cocooning body painting sheri winston six p

220: Reclaiming (and Enjoying) Your Sexual Self - Taking Sexy Back with Alexandra Solomon

Relationship Alive!

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 4, 2020 66:18

What turns you on, and what turns you off? How do you get past the messages about sex that have been handed to you by others - to discover your own personal sexuality that emerges from within? How do you own your deepest desires - and then communicate them to your partner in a way that stands the best chance of having them be realized? In today’s episode, we’re having a return visit from Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author of the new book Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Our conversation will help you take your intimacy to a whole new level, so that your relationships can be satisfying in and out of the bedroom. And, as always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Also - check out our first episode with Alexandra Solomon about her first book, Loving Bravely (Episode 142). Sponsors: Find a quality therapist, online, to support you and work on the places where you’re stuck. For 10% off your first month, visit Betterhelp.com/ALIVE to fill out the quick questionnaire and get paired with a therapist who’s right for you. Resources: Check out Alexandra Solomon's website Read Alexandra Solomon’s latest book: Taking Sexy Back Read Alexandra Solomon’s other book, Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) www.neilsattin.com/sexy Visit to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Alexandra Solomon. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. Let's talk some more about sex today, and I think it's really important, if for no other reason than the statistic that I'm pulling out of the book written by today's guest, that when you have a successful sex life with your partner, that accounts for say 15-20% of your overall happiness quotient. I'm sure I'm not using the exact term there, but when you have a dissatisfying sexual life with your partner, that can account for 50-75% of your dissatisfaction in your marriage, if I got that statistic right. Neil Sattin: So, just think about that for a minute. If you're unhappy in the way that you're connecting sexually with your partner, or with your partners, then that's going to cause potentially a lot of distress for you. And what's at the root often of our dissatisfaction is the very foundation that we have, the way that we see ourselves as sexual beings, the way we operate in the world, the scripts that have been handed us and that we're enacting either consciously or unconsciously, or that we're trying to live up to, that can so often be a source of, not only unhappiness, but the sense of disconnection from who you actually are as a sexual being in the world, and that brings with it a whole host of things like shame or even just questions, self-judgment, and ultimately, potentially dissatisfaction in terms of your relationships. Neil Sattin: So, let's tackle this head on and talk about how to reclaim and restructure who you are as a sexual being with today's esteemed guest. She's been with us on the show before, her name is Dr Alexandra Solomon, she's a professor at Northwestern and also a clinical psychologist who works with individuals and couples. Last time she was here, she was talking about her book, Loving Bravely, and if you wanna hear that episode, you can visit www.neilsattin.com/bravely and it is episode number 142, if you're just flipping through your podcast app. And she's here today to talk about her new book, which is called Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. It's a book written primarily for women and, at the same time, it has so much valuable stuff in it in terms of no matter where you are on the gender spectrum to reframe how you think about your sexuality and how you reclaim it for yourself. Neil Sattin: As usual, we will have a transcript for today's episode. You can download it by visiting www.neilsattin.com/sexy. That one's not gonna be hard to remember. And as always, you can text the word passion to the number 33444 and follow the instructions. So let's dive right in, Alexandra Solomon. It's such a treat to have you back with us here on Relationship Alive. Alexandra Solomon: It's so nice to be with you, thank you. Neil Sattin: Yeah, let's talk... Let's just first unearth, there's something unusual about Taking Sexy Back, which is that you've taken the word sexy and you've made it a noun, and I'm wondering if you can explain what I'm even talking about and maybe explain your choice around that so that it will make sense as we move through this conversation. Alexandra Solomon: Yes, so one of the first central ideas in this book is that there is a world of difference between being sexy and being sexual, so women have been taught and trained to either be sexy or to be afraid of being sexy, of being too sexy, not sexy enough, and that for women that word is oftentimes a question. Do you find me sexy? It's a question posed in the gaze of another, and when that is the lens through which one experiences one's sexuality, then sex becomes a performance, a sort of earning of that sense that you find me worthy, adequate, good, and it's different than being sexual. Sexual is a cultivation from the inside of my own connection with the erotic that I generate within me and then share with a partner. And so, in this book, we are taking sexy back, we're taking back the idea of sexy, and it becomes, as you said, a noun. So this book really is couple's therapy between the reader and her sexy, her sexuality, her sexual self. And the questions are: How well do you know that aspect of you? Do even know that is an aspect of you? What is that aspect of you wanting, yearning, in what ways is it hurting, and what needs to be kind of unearthed and processed? So, throughout the book, it is about really understanding and listening from within to that part of self that I think women are typically told really isn't theirs or shouldn't be looked at; good girls don't look at that. So, it's a reframing, and as you're saying, it's a reclamation, a taking back. Neil Sattin: Right, and you talk about that being torn. And this is probably familiar for a lot of people who are listening, that you can be torn between wanting to really own your sexuality, but if you do that too much, then that also creates a shift potentially in how people see you, and so there's this burden of like how do you own your sexuality without it stigmatizing you? Alexandra Solomon: Exactly, right. That sort of razor-thin line between being perceived as prudish and being, God forbid, slutty. So this sort of razor-thin line that, again, keeps a woman from connecting with herself. It becomes this sort of question of how am I being perceived. And the moment that's the focus, it cuts us off from being able to experience pleasure, experience mindfulness, articulate a boundary that is really from a place of truth rather than fear, and so then the entire possibility of cultivating a sex life that is healing, rewarding, connecting, uplifting, life-affirming is impossible 'cause there's no foundation to start from. Neil Sattin: Right. Can you just talk for a minute about where this book was born from? And maybe the ways that you've seen women confront problems in terms of being disconnected from their sexuality? From their sexy? And what that process of reclamation looks like for them? Alexandra Solomon: This book was born from a number of places. It was born from, I think, the way in which in my training as a licensed clinical psychologist and a couples therapist, I think the models that I was taught, were that when you're sitting with a couple, help them talk more nicely to each other, help them argue less, and then the sex will follow. You don't have to directly talk about sex. And there's a way in which that paradigm reinforced, I think, a message that I carried within me for a long time, that sex is not a polite topic. It really shouldn't be talked about or looked at, and if you're curious about it, something is wrong with you. So I think there were ways in which that message from my field kind of reinforced what I had done to myself my whole life, of just feeling like I'm feeling simultaneously fascinated by this entire world and topic, and then feeling like that wasn't really polite [chuckle] to be interested in or fascinated about. And so my own evolution of wanting to integrate love and sex within the work I do with couples, within my own life, and then just the work that I've done at Northwestern with graduate students and undergraduate students and being smacked again and again with my awareness of how inadequate sex education in our country is. Alexandra Solomon: And how my students are sitting in front of me and I would give a lecture in my Marriage 101 course about sex, and basically invite them into this idea that sex is simultaneously a behavior, it's a thing that we do, instead of erotically-charged behaviors, and it's also this really powerful gateway into some of the most profound longings and questions that we have as humans. And just even that notion was radical to many of my students who had only ever talked about sex as something that is dangerous, dirty, forbidden, fearful, or titillating, and really central, but not this sort of whole-hearted aspect of self and aspect of relationship, and so all of that kind of created this. And I think, also, the fact that we are living through this massive upheaval around gender and power with the Me Too Movement. And so I think it was this coming together of all of this where this book basically wouldn't leave me alone. [chuckle] Like, I felt like I chose to write Loving Bravely, and I felt like this book was like, "Are you ready now? Can we go now? Can you just... " And it became easier to just sit down and create the table of contents than it was to just keep forestalling it. Neil Sattin: Right, right, but yeah... [overlapping conversation] Alexandra Solomon: It felt really urgent. It felt really urgent to me. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And I think that's so true. I'm so glad your book was birthed and is... And by the time you're listening to this interview, it will be out. It's coming out February 2nd, Groundhog's Day of 2020. So you'll be able to get it. And yeah, it is such an important conversation because those scripts that have been handed to us around sexuality and the ways that our lack of education has gotten in the way, perhaps, of really getting in touch with who we are sexually, and not having a culturally accepted way of just exploring together 'cause so much sexuality has to happen behind closed doors and often in secret. We pretend it's not happening, but it's obviously happening. And so inviting the conversation into the public space, and one thing that I really love about your book, Taking Sexy Back, is that you explore all of these different dimensions of connecting into who you are as a sexual being. And each of those is a great gateway into understanding yourself in a new way, and then stepping forward into sexual connection with others with that new knowledge. Alexandra Solomon: Yes, exactly, exactly. And it's not about, like there is... In the book we really are looking at, as you're saying, these scripts and these highly gendered scripts. And it's not about blaming or finger pointing or, God forbid, male bashing or any of that. It's not that at all. The ways in which we're given these gendered messages cut all of us off from living wholeheartedly and fully. I just couldn't tackle all of it in one book, but you could speak to this like as a boy and a man. Boys and men are given horrific messages around their own sexuality. And it's what drives me crazy about these dress code laws that schools are... Rules that schools will do. This idea that girls' shorts have to be this length and girls' tank tops straps have to be this width. Alexandra Solomon: And one of the things it does is it reinforces this idea, this message to boys, that your sexuality is so dangerous and so out of control that the world has to be protected from you or from the power of your sexual energy, versus teaching boys that they, sure, erotic energy courses through you but here's how you ground it and here's how you harness it, and here's how you boundary it, and here's how you treat it with respect. And if those were the tools that we gave to boys... I think that's just... I don't know. I haven't grown up in this lifetime in the masculine, so I didn't have those messages, but I don't know what that does. And that was the early messages that you were given, was this fear of being perceived as creepy or dangerous. I just think it's all problematic and it keeps people coming... Whether it's male bodies or female bodies or one of each coming together, it keeps those bodies from coming together in a way where each person can feel integrated and ready to step into that space of intimacy and closeness. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I mean that's why I think your book is a valuable resource for whoever on the... Wherever you are on the spectrum. I did find myself reading it and nodding for each chapter and being like, "Yeah, guys need this just as much." And that's been definitely a journey for me as an adult has been reclaiming my own desires, my end, and where those things emerge at different places on the spectrum as well. In what you were just describing, I was just thinking about, yeah, how men in many cases need to learn how to be in touch with their bodies and with receptivity in sex and really being attuned and because they're so conditioned to be pursuers and achievers throughout life, but definitely in the sexual realm as well. And for women, I think part of that reclaiming is also being willing to engage in seizing your desire and owning it and being willing to do that just like any guy would. And we're wrestling, of course, with what's culturally acceptable, back to the very first thing we were talking about. But how beautiful it can be when two people come together and each person owns who they are, what they want, what their fears are, what their desires are, what feels good, what doesn't feel good, and when they can do it in a way that doesn't judge the other. I mean, we all need that when we're in the bedroom. Alexandra Solomon: That's right, that's right, that's right. And it makes sense that we have gotten stuck because the information has gotten stuck. One of the things that was so interesting in the research for the book was to look at this book couldn't have been written 20 years ago because we've had a burgeoning of science around female sexuality. So we, for years, remain willfully ignorant about female sexual anatomy even. So medical anatomy textbooks would blur out the clitoris and it wasn't fully mapped, fully imaged until really, really recently, like 20 years ago recently. So it was the clitoris was thought of as this little button when, in fact, it's this larger structure that extends deep into the body and the potential for pleasure is incredible. In fact, that's the only job that the clitoris has is pleasure. And so, what might be different if a woman came into her sexuality knowing that and honoring it, and what if then sexual scripts were built to really honor that part of a woman's body in a way that the traditional heterosexual script, which we as a culture have really held up one particular sex act, we've held up penetrative sex as the most sex in sort of this hierarchy of sex acts. Alexandra Solomon: We learn it on the playground in elementary school, first base and second base and third base and home run. So this whole kind of script around how far you're trying to get and how far you're going with this goal being penetrative sex, which the research shows tends to not be the most orgasm producing part of the realm of sexual behaviors because it's not the most... It doesn't maximize clitoral stimulation potentially. For some women it does, for others it doesn't. But just this idea that if we only have one story line, what are we limiting for any of the bodies in the bedroom? As you're saying, men exploring receptivity and not having to be in charge and not having to perform and having their own... Being not so limited by the ideas of what they ought to be doing in the bedroom and... So just the opportunity to deconstruct all of that and challenge it and push back a little bit is really important and really healing. Alexandra Solomon: And that's what we found. I had this amazing team of graduate students and undergraduate students with me as we were researching and writing, and we moved through a lot of sadness, a lot of anger at the limits that have been put on people's experiences. And then to connect the loop back to what you said in the beginning, that it affects our relationships. If we can't cultivate erotic connection in our intimate relationships, they're going to suffer. Having a really fun sex life kind of buffers a couple against the storms and the annoyances and the irritations of partnership. Neil Sattin: Right, right. Just one thing that came up for me about that question of anatomy and how we've learned that. I did wanna mention for you listening, that way back, this is one of my earliest episodes, episode 23, we had Sheri Winston on the show, she wrote Women's Anatomy of Arousal. So that's another great doorway into this question of how does feminine sexuality work and also what is literally happening, like what parts are there to work with and to enjoy? So it's so important to increase your awareness of what's there and how it operates and to not be driven by old stories, like the love button, or what you see in porn, which is, again, occasionally informative, but it's not designed to be informative generally. So there are some genres of porn that are probably better for what we're talking about here. But that's probably not the majority of them at this moment. You'd have to seek it out, I would think. The feminist porn and... Alexandra Solomon: Exactly, exactly. Right. At the back of the book, there's a resource guide and we did include some feminist, ethical, carefully curated erotic places for erotic materials. 'Cause, right. You're right. You can't paint it with a broad brush. But it's a very different era of erotic materials. We're living in free streaming 24/7 porn. And a lot of it isn't, as you're saying, created with intentionality in mind and really honoring the science of women's bodies, the realities of women's bodies. And that can be another then force of restriction, that it looks like I should like this behavior and I don't like this behavior. How do I reconcile that? And often times the way we reconcile it is thinking something's wrong with us. Feeling ashamed. Neil Sattin: Right. You mentioned someone in your book that you were working with who really wanted to like hook-up culture. And she came to you with this mission of there's something going on. Like this culture surrounds me, and maybe would it be helpful if you explain what you mean by hook-up culture versus conscious, casual sex culture or all the different possibilities there. But you talk about how she was really unhappy and came to you wanting to figure out if there was a way to be happy in that world. So let's start there maybe. Alexandra Solomon: Sure. So hook-up culture is a term that we associate oftentimes with college campuses and the idea that oftentimes physical intimacy, sexual intimacy comes first and then emotional intimacy is retrofitted, so that people are finding each other sexually. Oftentimes, hook-ups are alcohol-fueled, not a ton of communication. And there's a sense, there's sort of an aura or a sense or a feeling that you should like it. You should like that and you kinda have to like it. And in fact, it's the only pathway into intimate relationship. And so the student was... In the first book, we work with a name, connect, chose, process. So she's trying so hard to use this change process to make herself go from hating hook-ups. In fact, she would hook up with a guy at a party and then go home and wash her lips or anywhere he had touched her. Alexandra Solomon: Just felt really dirty and awful. And so she was trying so hard to move, what she thought she needed to do is move through the discomfort, so she'd get good at this thing that in her mind, and I think in the minds of lots of young people, you should be good at, like you should be able to do this. The idea is that it is sexual liberation or it just is necessary, it's what you have to do. What I wanted her to do really was honor the wisdom of her body. Her body was communicating to her so clearly; feeling her lips were numb afterwards. The data could not be clearer that she was really overriding something powerful inside of her body. And in fact, the research around hook-up culture shows that young people are tolerating it, but not really reveling in it, not really deeply, deeply enjoying it. It just feels like it's a necessary pathway. Alexandra Solomon: But I do make a distinction between hooking up and then conscious, casual sex, 'cause there are times in a person's life where that really might be a beautiful, healing, necessary time. But what it has to be founded with... Create a foundation of an understanding of where are our boundaries, what are we both interested in, what are we each available for. So a really lovely, conscious, casual, sexual experience needs to have that kind of co-created understanding of what's the space that we're entering into. And so we spend a lot of time in the book helping people just feel entitled to understanding their own motivation and distinguishing that and the choice of fear versus love. "I choose to hook up 'cause I'm afraid there's nothing else for me," or "I'm afraid I am weird if I don't like hooking up," versus love, "Choosing something 'cause I really want it. It feels great to me. It's a space of learning and healing and play and escape." Neil Sattin: Right, right. I've enjoyed your framing of it in the book. At first it kinda jarred me. I was like, "Oh, no. You're taking a stand for love. Like sex has to be about love? What are you talking about, Alexandra?" [chuckle] Neil Sattin: But then, what you just explained, that if we're talking about the paradigm that we operate from and are we choosing things because we're afraid that if we say no to sex with this person in this moment, we're gonna suffer some consequence, versus being in a more love-centered place where you're focused on what brings you joy in the world and what enlivens you. Yeah, I would love for every single person to have those kinds of experiences be the foundation of how they connect with other people sexually. Alexandra Solomon: Right, right. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Alexandra Solomon: And sometimes we don't know until we know. So in the book, we also talk about FGOs, which I call these fucking growth opportunities, where it's just like, "Oh, that is not my best pathway". Sometimes we have to do it in a way that leaves us feel... That's just... And so I think around sexuality, around this unfolding story of who we are sexually, there has to be a ton of self-compassion. Just a lot of gentleness about, "Okay, so that didn't work for me. What do I wanna learn from that and what do I want to know going forward?" Neil Sattin: Right, right. Yeah, can we just give everyone in this moment the permission to make mistakes? And I'm making the little quotey things around "mistakes" because I think what you're pointing to is that most of these things aren't actual mistakes, they are opportunities that we have to learn about ourselves. And there is that aspect of sexuality where there are some things that you're only gonna learn relationally, you're only gonna learn it when you're with another person and experiencing something. It can't all happen... A lot can happen in the privacy of your room. But not all... Not all of it. Alexandra Solomon: That's right. That's right. Neil Sattin: So that being said, let's dive in a little bit to what can we do on our own? What are some of those gateways that we were talking about earlier? And physical, developmental, emotional, mental. So, I'm thinking of those pathways in so that everyone listening can have a sense of like, "Alright, how do I enter into this way of reclaiming who I am sexually?" What are some places to start? Alexandra Solomon: Right. I think, so the reason that I organized the book the way that I did, with these seven different realms, is that we have different... We all have different journeys, we all have different places where we get locked up, so our work is to find areas where we feel blocked, constrained, where shame lives, where inhibition lives, where fear lives. And it might be different for different people, like on my team. So, one of the seven realms is spirituality. For some people, their early religious training, they receive shame loaded messages that can really, really get in the way of feeling permission to just be who you are, as you are. And so, for one member of my team, the work on that chapter was very, very powerful for her. She identified a lot of ways in which she was felt hurt by her early religious training, how it created shame inside of her. And for another gal, who grew up in China without any religion, it really didn't speak to her. She could kind of resonate with this idea of sex as being a spiritual experience, and being something that is sort of transcendent and can tap us into those big feelings of whatever, one-ness, and... Neil Sattin: Yeah, union. Alexandra Solomon: Connection to... Yeah, but that was... For her, that was more about nature rather than anything we had to do with a spirituality or a religion. So, but another chapter for her was really where she identified that her shame loaded stories lived. And so, there are these seven different realms where we may find some work that we need to do to kind of identify a block and then heal it. So, that was why we organized the book the way the way that we do, 'cause we're just... There's so much diversity in how we show up sexually and what's challenging for us. And I think for a lot of us, the chapter about physical was important because what's clear is sometimes body image stuff can get in the way. We're in, we've got a great partner, we have a partner who is ready to connect with us and create experiences that are pleasurable, and we end up locked in our own heads because we are very, very, very self-critical about our bodies. And that makes sense because there are entire industries that I built on selling us the idea that we are not thin enough, fit enough, whatever enough, and those messages come with us into the bedroom, especially when we're naked and exposed and feeling vulnerable. And so, that can... Those scripts in our... The tapes that play in our head about our hips, or our stomach, whatever it is, sort of body image ones can be a source of inhibition and can really block a sense that we're entitled to feeling good in the bodies that we live in. Neil Sattin: So, let's just assume that almost everyone has something about their body that is like that for them. Where would we start? What kinds of questions would we ask? Or how would we get to the heart of the ways that we feel shame about our physical bodies and take some new steps around that? Alexandra Solomon: I think it can be helpful to develop that kind of a critical eye towards realizing that these messages about our bodies are designed to make us feel insecure so that we buy a product or do a thing that we sort of then, when we just mind mindlessly internalize that message, we are perpetuating that whole cycle. So, there's a way in which a sort of a feminist consciousness can inoculate us against those messages so that when the thought comes up in our heads, we can let it go and come back to something that is more self-compassionate. I think mindfulness... So, the researcher who wrote the forward to the book, Dr. Lori Brotto was based in Canada, and she was really troubled by this finding that almost half of women, especially partnered women, struggle with low sexual desire, and she created a mindfulness training program. She simply taught women mindfulness skills and then invited them to use those skills in the bedroom. So, sometimes it's as simple as noticing the thought come up. "How do my hips look right now?" for example. And then just knowing, "Oh, that's a thought. That's a thought." And sort of letting it pass over and then coming back to sensation. So, mindfulness can be a really powerful tool towards helping us notice a troubling thought, and then let it go and come back to, "I'm entitled to this. I'm entitled to feeling good. I'm allowed to feel good in this body that I live in". And that can be a helpful shift. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah and you're pointing to a degree of presence in the bedroom. I love how we keep talking about the bedroom, 'cause it could be the kitchen or the living room or a public park. Take precautions if there are cops around, be careful. But you have to be able to stay within you and to notice what's actually happening for you in a moment like that. So, maybe some of these things around body image are even easier, at least initially, privately, just in front of a mirror, which I think for some of us can also be challenging, to stand in front of a mirror naked and look at yourself and take in the whole picture. Alexandra Solomon: Right, right. Yeah. And just... There's a way in which I think it's really helpful to grieve, to grieve that I have been doing this around my body for so many years. Or to feel really... Let ourselves feel really sad that the only way... There's a beautiful poem in the book by Holly Holden that is just basically an invitation to just being really gentle with our body, really honoring it as this physical home, the source of delight, of sensation, of connection, and I think that's a practice. My gosh, I think that's a practice and I don't think we're ever done. I think those old stories about how we should look, and then whatever we think we've figured out, we get a little older and the body changes. It's like this constant journey towards self love isn't done, but I think we can get... We can start to get savvier about noticing that I'm doing that to myself again. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah, I have an interesting story about that. Something that happened with me recently, that's actually not about sex at all, but realizing a place where I had internalized some beliefs. I've spoken a bit on the show, off and on, about my own tendencies to be a little chaotic in terms of how I keep house. And I had this realization that every time I saw a pile of something, that I would have an internal message that would say, "There's something wrong with you." Just that pile means there's something wrong with you that you cannot keep your... And it might be a pile all of amazing books that I'm reading for the podcast, but the fact that it's there and these books aren't in my bookshelf or whatever it is. And what a difference it has made to me since realizing that, of seeing a pile and simply saying, "There's nothing wrong with you." Like, this pile doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. And in fact, and I think this is the turn towards self-compassion, it's like, in fact, there's nothing wrong with you. Look at all these amazing books that you have to read, just to use that example. Neil Sattin: So, being able to look in the mirror and look and see your hips, or whatever part of your body it is, and say, "Oh wow, I'm looking at this part of me and thinking there's something wrong with me." What is it like to just be like, "There's nothing wrong with you," and, "What is there to celebrate about this?" or "How can I embrace the part of me that's judging me, and offer that part some tenderness?" Like, oh, maybe there's even some grieving there. Not just in how we do it to ourselves, but this is who I am, and I'm not that person that I see on TV, or in the porn movie, or walking... My next door neighbor, whoever we're judging ourselves against. To be able to be like, "Okay, that's not me. And now, how do I turn to celebrate who I am and what I have to offer?" Alexandra Solomon: Yeah, yep, yep. And this illusion that I will feel more, I will feel more X, I will feel more desirable, I will feel more competent if I lose five more pounds, if I have five fewer piles. This idea, we end up putting this idea that I'm gonna feel okay once I do that thing that's out there, and it's a road to nowhere. Every time I have held up one of those ideas for myself, I'm gonna feel better once this thing happens, I get there and it doesn't happen. I just come up with a new thing. It's a hamster wheel. And so, that is really radical and revolutionary, to just find a sense of wholeness right now, with the pile, with the curvy hips, [chuckle] whatever the thing is. It's just, find that sense of I am worthy as I am right now, because that's the only place, to circle back to sex, that's the only place from which we can feel entitled to pleasure. I can only feel entitled to pleasure if I... Allowing myself to feel okay is what then opens me to say, "Okay, I can be with my partner, and let my partner help me feel really good." Or put myself out there to find a partner that I can do that with. I can only... That's... And it's not... I don't know, it's not... It's just a practice, it's coming back to... I find it helpful to say, "That's my trauma, not my truth." When that stuff comes up, that's my trauma, that's my trauma telling me that I'm awful at this, or this is not enough, or this is... And then coming back, it's trauma, it's not truth. Neil Sattin: Right, and those are glorious moments, really, when you see it happening. And so, when you've witnessed that for yourself, those are the golden opportunities. Maybe they're FGGOs, the fucking golden growth opportunities, like where it's happening right there and you get to see like, "Oh, I carry this with me." Or, "This is how I judge myself." Or, "This is how I choose partners who reinforce this negative belief system instead of partners who celebrate me." 'Cause how often does that happen, where we choose people who are unconsciously, probably, reinforcing the ways that we judge ourselves? Alexandra Solomon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's maybe an important piece, too, I think for women who are partnered with men, I think that men have... Men didn't... Any individual man didn't create these wounds. Hopefully, I think. In abusive relationships, certainly that does happen, but I think a man can be such a powerful ally to a woman, and so, I think that there is a piece about around some of this body image stuff or just that kind of affirmation of, "I'm just... I don't view you that way. I don't want... When I'm making love to you, I'm not... Just so you know that you may be doing this to yourself, but I'm not doing that to you." And that can be lovely. It can't be the whole thing, 'cause shame is about my relationship to me, but having a partner who is affirmative or who just even acknowledges, "That doesn't even cross my mind. I don't think about your body in that way when we're together," can just be a little icing on the cake. It can't be the whole thing. A man can't, any partner can't out-love, can't love us out of our shame, but a partner can certainly be with us and say, "Okay, I hear that you're doing that to yourself, but I don't do that to you, I don't treat you that way. Alexandra Solomon: And there's something very powerful when it is in a heterosexual dyad, men who are willing to kind of bear witness to that. That's why I wrote a chapter at the end for an open letter to men whose partners have read this book, whether that's maybe male allies of or male partners, intimate partners, just about... It's hard, I think it's hard, as we kind of reset the balance around this painful historical patriarchal old stuff, as we try to heal that and reset the balance, there's a beautiful opportunity for men to step in as allies. They can't fix this, but they could certainly be allies. Neil Sattin: Yeah, that chapter I think is a beautiful invitation to how to be curious, how to... And how to show up as an ally, instead of doing things unwittingly that are detrimental when you're faced with vulnerability. And I also like that it's an invitation, that chapter, to the kind of thing that we've been naming, which is that everyone probably has a place where they can come to understand themselves a little bit better in this way as well and to question what's been handed to them. So interesting, so much of this really is shame reduction in some ways, like unearthing those places and going through the process of getting rid of it. I wanna name... I was reminded of this when you were talking about religious perspectives on sex, and one thing that you mentioned in your book is a study that someone did. Justin, I don't know how you pronounce his last name, Lehmiller, is that? Alexandra Solomon: Yes. Neil Sattin: Yeah. About the kinds of fantasies that people tend to have. And these are fantasies that people have no matter what their upbringing is though as I name them it will be obvious like why they might cause some conflicts for people, but I wanna name these so that you know that other people are thinking about this kind of thing, so you don't have to feel bad. Alexandra Solomon: 95%, sorry. 95% of people. So he found... The first thing he found is that 95% of people had sexual fantasies. So it is normal to have sexual fantasies. Okay, go. Neil Sattin: Okay. So the first one is multi-partner sex, like threesomes and orgies. The second is power, control and rough sex. The third is novelty, adventure, and variety, like things you've never tried, unique settings, having sex in public. The fourth is taboo and forbidden sex, like watching people have sex, licking someone's feet, having people watch you. The fifth is sharing partners and non-monogamous relationships. These are the top five. It took us all the way to number six to get passion and romance fantasy. So that's down toward the bottom of the list, and then we have erotic flexibility, like gender-bending and cross-dressing. And this is no matter who you are, that people are having fantasies like this. So I hope in hearing this list you realize like, "Oh my God, there's so much that we are not talking about," and why I think it's so important to have this space to talk about these things. Yeah, go ahead. Alexandra Solomon: And just to kind of... There's this both and of our erotic imaginations are potentially really wild, broad, deep, expansive and we may in our lives not inhabit all that breadth and width. So those are two... That's a both and. That we can be expansive and show up with one partner. So maybe our fantasies become things we translate into real life and maybe not. But just the ability to tolerate, "Wow, my sexuality is really big and wide and curious." That's a piece of healing, rather than shutting it down, 'cause the moment we start to shut things down and quarantine them off, that's when things get scary. That's when we're more at risk of acting out if we can't tolerate our own complexity, we are far more likely to act out. Neil Sattin: Right. So you're talking about creating a space where having those fantasies is okay. Like where and even if so... There's a difference, I think, in talking to your partner, let's say, and saying, "Oh I have this fantasy about someone else being in the bedroom with us." There's a difference between saying that and being like... And having your partner say like, "Oh really, tell me more about that, and what might that be like, and let's explore that." and to be received in a very non-judgmental way versus coming to your partner and saying, "I have this fantasy about having someone else with us in the bedroom, and his name is Raul, and I have his phone number, and I'm expecting him to come over tonight." So there, which in itself may not be a bad thing, but I'm just trying to point out here that there's a whole spectrum of what's possible in terms of how we accept each other, we accept ourselves then accept each other relationally, and create a space for those things to be alive because just naming something like that might fuel your completely monogamous sexual relationship with your long-term partner, where there's never gonna be a third person involved, but the fact that you've been accepted in that way, that your fantasy has been accepted, will be potentially so energizing for you rather than feeling like you have to keep things in the shadows. Alexandra Solomon: Beautiful. Yeah, I think that's a great example... Neil Sattin: Or that the fact that you have it is somehow gonna threaten the connection that you have, which is, I think, another piece of how you communicate about fantasies in ways that are non-threatening to each other. Alexandra Solomon: Well, even just the example that you gave, the Raul example, it confronts... Sometimes we talk about toxic monogamy. This idea that we have monogamy has certainly been put... Sexual monogamy has been put out there as the norm. And sort of again in a hierarchical way, as the best way to love and be loved. And sometimes it goes so far that it's like any attraction, any fantasy that doesn't involve your partner is a slight against your partner. Then there's a way in which that paradigm is so narrow it makes all this stuff feel so dangerous and so threatening versus just a bit of expansiveness as you're saying. Just saying, this energizes me. Okay, then who knows where it goes from there, but just naming it and having a partner who doesn't need to go into that toxic monogamy space of like, "Oh my God, if my partner has any erotic energy that isn't directed solely to me all of the time, it means we are doomed. It means I suck, it means we're broken, it means we are doomed." That's just way too much pressure. Neil Sattin: Oh my God, I wanna do a whole episode on toxic monogamy. But in lieu of doing that, what would you suggest for partners where that is happening, where they're unable to broach that topic without it igniting some sort of rupture in their connection. Alexandra Solomon: Right. In the book, I talk about some ways that couples can... And I think talking about sex can be really hard. And if you've been together, especially if you've been together for a long time and you haven't talked about it, it can be really hard to find a way in, and I think that's a lot of couples' struggle. So it's really, it's normal. And given our conversation today, it's understandable. How would we ever know how to talk about sex? We certainly aren't taught that in school and we're... Anyway, so it makes sense why a couple may struggle talk about sex, but there may be some scaffolding. So, I give a list of examples I have collected over the years. I met a couple who talks about sex by putting puppets on their hands and the puppets talk about sex, so they put a bit of space between themselves and this conversation by using puppets. Or something like a book or a sexy scene in a movie, can be maybe a starting point. I'm always happy to have people put this on me. I don't know, I'm reading this book or listening to this podcast, and they were talking about this. And that can be nice, sort of a neutral sort of third-party way in. And to just have it be framed as starting with, "I love us. I love us. I love what we're about. I love who we are. I love what we're going. I'm all in on this mission and I want... And I'm interested in this because I love us, because I'm excited to expand us." Alexandra Solomon: So, that really... So, foregrounding the positivity and the commitment and the excitement, I think is also really helpful. And then, just being able to name when we're on the receiving end, like, "Ooh, ouch, okay, I have this urge to get defensive. I have this urge to tell myself a story that you're really saying that you're not happy with me and that I'm not enough for you." And just sometimes just naming that can be like, "Okay, good, I hear you're doing that. Let's put that off to the side. Can we put that in the corner and just keep going, 'cause I'm not saying that?" And sometimes it has to happen in a therapist's office. Sometimes, and I think that's a really legit reason to go to therapy. When I have a couple that's coming in after years and years of erotic neglect, I often think to myself, "I wish they had felt able to come in sooner and unpack this sooner." 'Cause that's a really legitimate question. It's really legitimate to say that long-term sexual monogamy is challenging. Long-term... Just being sexual is challenging. Long-term sexual monogamy is challenging, and it makes sense that there can be dry spells and breakdowns and miscommunication, and sometimes having somebody else there for the conversation is helpful. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. So, totally agree with you there. And then just to circle back on that. So, there's naming and owning the importance of the connection. So, if you're the person who wants to bring something to your partner, saying, "You're important to me, and I'm bringing this to you because we are important to me." And then, you also named for a partner who's feeling reactive, to be able to name that and to recognize, "Wow, I'm hearing this and I'm being reactive." And so, that will... Hopefully, the act of bringing attention to it, hopefully that can also be held non-judgementally too. Like, it's okay that you are... That this is edgy for you to hear about this. There's something in that, "It's okay." You're okay for having this fantasy. I'm okay for having this reaction. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna navigate this together with this assumption that we'll get through, we'll be okay. There may be work for the reactive partner in examining their own self-worth issues, and doing that dance between being able to hear something like that without it going to the core of who they are or whether they feel like they're being accepted or loved by their partner. So much there. Alexandra Solomon: There's so much there. And with the thinking about the example of if the question is around, this idea of bringing in a third person or somebody who watches, it may... An interesting place to go is to ask what is it about that that's so stimulating for you? What's so intriguing about that? So that's interesting, that's a more interesting question than when will it happen or who should it be. And maybe it happens and maybe it never happens, but to start way, way, way back at the beginning, about tell me more, like we said. Tell me more about how that stimulates you. What's so exciting about that? What is the kind of juice there within that narrative? Who do you get to be in that story? Who am I in that story? Understanding and being curious about the charge, the yearning, just that curiosity may be enough to kind of satisfy it and play with that energy, versus actually bringing in a third person. And who knows? We can separate the outcome from the process, and the process may be one that's very enlivening and engaging, separate and apart from whatever happens in real life with the actual fantasy. Neil Sattin: Right, right. The purpose of a fantasy isn't necessarily that it has to happen. Alexandra Solomon: Right, right. Neil Sattin: There's something that just crossed my mind that I'm hoping you can shed some light on, 'cause it jumped out at me when I was... And it was back in this part about fantasies. I love the puppets thing, by the way. There was something you named there, which was couples talking about themselves in the third person. That was one I hadn't heard before, but I really... She really enjoys it when you do this, and he feels really vulnerable in this moment, just as a way of getting that enough of that distance, but it also feels like it could be really fun and cool to be narrating what's happening as it's happening. Yeah, I don't know, I like that. Alexandra Solomon: Totally, absolutely. Right, right, right. Neil Sattin: So, the fantasy thing was... 'Cause we're talking about reclaiming your sexuality and that an important piece of that is reclaiming it so that it comes from the inside out, as you named at the very beginning, so that your sexuality isn't developing in relation to how other people see you and how other people think of you, and I lost the page, so I'm not gonna be able to read it exactly, but there was this category of fantasy that was about being seen and appreciated and... Right, oh, here it is. Object of desire's self-consiousness, and I'm interested in this, the dance between it actually is really compelling to be the object of someone's desire, which in a way is about how you're being seen and noticing that you're being seen, but without having your desirability be based on how people see you. Do you see where it's... [laughter] Alexandra Solomon: It's so complicated. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Alexandra Solomon: Yeah, so the object of desire is this idea that... And the research has found that this is something that is more compelling, more stimulating for women than for men, but the idea that somebody sees me as desirable spikes my desire. Being wanted spikes my desire. And it helps me... It is about helping me tap into me. I just did an IGTV video about this. So last weekend, I was heading home from the gym, and I texted my husband and I said, "Will you go shopping with me today?" And it was so clear to me what I was wanting. So, this book launch, I want a couple of new dresses, and I know how I want to feel at these upcoming events. And so, I certainly could have gone shopping myself, obviously, and I have. But the idea of him being in the dressing room, down the hall, I go try something on, I come down the hall and show him. And it's not even about him saying thumbs up or thumbs down or him saying, "You look beautiful." It's about him holding space while I feel beautiful. Alexandra Solomon: It's a subtle but important difference. What I was saying is, "Can you be the bass note? Can you hold a steady bass note while I do this thing that I do," where I play in different colors, different textures. And I find pathways into my own sense of my own experience of my beauty, my aliveness, but will you be with me while that happens. It's a really subtle difference. And it's an important pathway for me, and for a lot of women as the research shows, to connection to the erotic is this idea that, basically, you're watching me feel into my own erotic self, my own alive self. I think sometimes it could feel transactional. I'm asking for him to do something for me, but it's not transactional, it's just an invitation to connection. This is for me, what I know about me is this for me is powerfully connecting. Will you join me in that? Neil Sattin: Yeah, so there's something in there of really how you know yourself and you know that this is gonna be something that's going to really feel good, that will bring you pleasure and... Yeah, so knowing yourself in that way, being able to communicate it. What are you gonna say? I saw you. Alexandra Solomon: Well, just that it's been this way... Todd and I've been together forever, but I have memories of... I love to dance. Dance is a humongous part of me, and he hates it. So, there would be times at parties where literally I'd be like "Can you just stand on the dance floor?" I would use him like a prop. He would just stand there, and I would dance around him. I'm just "I just need you with me while I do this thing." It really is good for both of us. It's good for both of us because I get to feel the way that I know I want to feel to show up with you, to feel close to you. It's just fun. It's just such a part of our... And I think that's part of it, too, is that now in year whatever of our relationship, these kinds of things, him going shopping with me, also has that circular sense that it reminds me and reminds us of how we used to be and who we used to be. We used to shop together a lot when I was from a suburb in Detroit and he lived in Chicago, and I would come visit him, and we would go shopping on Michigan Avenue. I'd never been to Chicago, so it also had this element of reminiscing, which is also really good for couples, to tap into who they used to be. That's very connecting and intimacy provoking, inspiring. Neil Sattin: Well, Alexandra, one of the many things that I appreciate about you and your work is how well you bring together so many different writers and thinkers and put it all together in a way that's really practical. And just like Loving Bravely was a very practical book, Taking Sexy Back is another great example of how you pull all these things together, and it becomes a very useful manual for diving in. So, I hope that you listening that you've gotten a taste of that and just how much practical information is here along with ways of talking about sexuality that illuminate the challenges that we face. So much of that is seeing like, "Oh, right, this is a challenge. This is shame that I carry with me, this is a story that I carry with me, this is how my partner and I are missing each other." Having awareness of that. You do such a great job of illuminating that for the reader. Something I really appreciated. And in what you were just talking about, I was thinking about how we identify what we like and what we don't like. And you bring up Emily Nagoski's work around the dual... What's it again, the Dual? Alexandra Solomon: The Dual Control Model. Neil Sattin: Right. So, there are those things that excite us. Go ahead. Alexandra Solomon: Yeah, just that. That our sexual desire functions with an accelerator and a break. So as you were gonna say, things that excite us and things that shut us down. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so what you were just offering is, I think, a great example of that, or at least that's how it showed up for me, like, "Oh, right, this is Alexandra knowing this gets me going," and inviting Todd your husband into the dance with you. Alexandra Solomon: That's right. Versus playing yahtzee which is gonna just slam my break real hard. [laughter] Alexandra Solomon: Playing yahtzee, doing anything that's competitive with him really, really shuts me down. Now, for another person, that might be incredibly connecting and gets them going, to be competitive, to be... I just know for myself, no. Hard no. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so interesting. Alexandra Solomon: It's so idiosyncratic and that's why the whole thing about sexual self-awareness, really understanding ourselves, is so vital and so valuable. Neil Sattin: Well, Alexandra Solomon, thank you so much for being with us here today. Your book, Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want, is a valuable addition to anyone's self-growth or relationship growth library. And if you want a transcript of today's episode, there's so much that we've talked about, you can visit neilsattin.com/sexy or text the word PASSION to the number 33444. And also, if you wanna find out more about Alexandra and her work, you can visit dralexandrasolomon.com, where you can find out all about her, what she's doing, where she's speaking. Yeah. And it sounds like you're on Instagram as well. What's your Instagram handle? Alexandra Solomon: Dr.alexandra.solomon. Neil Sattin: Okay, great. I haven't really figured out how to play in that world, so I'm glad you are doing it. Alexandra Solomon: Oh, it is a world. [laughter] Alexandra Solomon: It's a world. Neil Sattin: Thank you so much for being here with me today, Alexandra. Alexandra Solomon: Thank you, Neil. Neil Sattin: Okay.

Practicing Pleasure - Robin Hilton

How To Be More Human

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 4, 2019 71:20

Robin Hilton is a Life + Sex Coach, Desire Map Facilitator and a yoga studio owner. Her lifelong passion is helping women to let their guard down so they can shine brightly and confidently in all areas of their lives but most importantly in their capacity to experience the deep joy of embodiment and sexual pleasure. She is married to the love of my life, has three beautiful, quietly confident daughters, and lives in a small town in Saskatchewan. Robin enjoys the simple pleasures of life like walks on the prairie, hot cacao, wild and uninhibited sex, and foot rubs from my husband. In this conversation, Robin and I talk about her early sexual experiences that led her to believe that she was broken, having a sexual awakening at the age of 40, and discovering the truth about intimacy, pleasure, and our own desire. Her top 3 book recommendations for connecting deeper to your own sexual practice are: Vagina by Naomi Wolf, Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston, and Come as you Are by Emily Nagoski. Follow Robin's work on Instagram or check out her website at www.robinjoy.ca

pleasure practicing vaginas saskatchewan emily nagoski arousal naomi wolf sheri winston robin hilton women's anatomy

Power of SHE: Sexy. Holy. Energy with Morgan Day Cecil

Totally Stoked

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 15, 2019 67:04

What does it means to be whole, holy and sexy? As humans we have a full spectrum of emotions and that is a vital, fundamental part of this human experience. Being willing to look at our lightness and dark, accessing shadow work is necessary to live from the truth of who we really are. We discuss the intersection of spirituality and sexuality, and how healing from religious shame can make space for pleasure in our lives. Morgan Day Cecil is a wife and mother and a woman in love with the messiness of being human. She chooses to be a sacred leader right from this beautiful mess, owning her own darkness and her light, guiding women in the work of "healing their own gaze" so they can trust again in what lights them up, and embody their own unique kind of feminine wholeness. She leads courses online and retreats all over the world. In this episode, we talk about:Accessing light and dark to find wholenessImportance of sitting with your shadow selfHow to trust what lights you up & allow it to guide youWays to heal from religious shameSelf-Image & how we heal our own gazeEmbodying your own feminine wholeness Totally Stoked Book Club Selections: Come As You Are by Emily NagoskiThe Dance Of The Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk KiddTantric Jesus by James Hughes RehoThe Meaning of Mary Magdalene by Cynthia BourgeaultWomen’s Anatomy Of Arousal by Sheri Winston Morgan's OfferingsMorgan is running the #sexyselfiesexysoul course again this fall and offering a 5-day intensive for Heal Your Own Gaze.Sophia Retreats in Italy and Australia Click here for more on Morgan's website. Totally Stoked Weekly GiveawayDoes this episode have you totally stoked? Share to social for a chance to win some sweet #StokedYogi swag. Here's how:1. Screenshot this episode2. Add your takeaway / favorite quote3. Share to IG stories and tag @stoked_yogi #totallystokedpodcast4. Bonus entries: subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review! Stay ConnectedAmelia’s IG: instagram.com/stoked_yogiMorgan's IG: instagram.com/morgandaycecil/

energy italy holy sexy mary magdalene accessing screenshots self how sheri winston morgan day cecil

#64 - Boundaries Quick Tips #9: Is Sex a “Need” Your Partner Must Fulfill for You?

women partner boundaries partners adults fulfill quick tips sheri winston

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 18, 2019 11:50

Are you feeling pressured to have sex with your partner or spouse? While this is a serious topic that deserves time, the answer is clear and unambiguous. Vicki provides answers for both the one being pressured, and the person pressuring their partner for sex. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #64: No person has a right to another person’s body! Even if sex is a need rather than a want, it doesn’t mean another person must fulfill it for us. Adults are responsible for taking care of their needs. If your partner repeatedly says no to sex, explore the reasons. You have a right to say no to sex even, in a marital relationship. Highlights from Episode #63: Welcome back to the show! [00:40] Today’s topic: Are you obligated to take care of your spouse’s or partner’s sexual needs? [00:50] No person has a right to another person’s body… Ever! [01:56] Why sex is a want and not a need. [02:16] Even if sex is a need, it doesn’t imply that another person must fulfill it. [03:01] What are true needs and who fulfills them? [03:59] Partners who demand sex often also participate in solo sex. [05:02] Physical and sexual boundaries are non-negotiable. [06:02] What to do if your partner consistently says no to sex. [06:56] Adults are responsible for getting their needs met. [09:08] If you’re being pressured into sex, you have a right to say no. [09:59] No one else is responsible for making you happy but you. [10:37] Links and Resources: Vicki Tidwell Palmer Beyond Bitchy Podcast Espisode #17: Yes, No & Maybe: Sexual Boundaries for Women with Sheri Winston

Episode 004 Sheri Winston: TURN ON and ORGASM:The Guide to a Juicy Midlife

Midlife Love Out Loud podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 10, 2019 38:33

Sheri Winston, Wholistic Sexuality teacher, is a groundbreaking, award-winning author and teacher who offers empowering, entertaining erotic education for everyone. She’s the author of the award-winning Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure (which won the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists’ 2010 Book of the Year) and Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice. She’s the founder of the Intimate Arts Center. Sheri offers pleasure-centered sex-ed for grown-ups with a wide variety of practical and transformational intimate arts education. She delights in inspiring people to have a lot more pleasure, fun and fulfillment! You can learn more about her at Intimateartscenter.com Grab Your Pussies & Puppies School Online Class Here If you'd like to connect with Junie, sign up for your Love Breakthrough Session today so she can support you where you are right now on your love path. And don’t forget to subscribe to Midlife Love Out Loud so that you don't miss a single episode. While you're at it, won't you take a moment to write a short review and rate our show? It would be greatly appreciated! To learn more about our previous guests, listen to past episodes, and get to know your host, go to www.CoachJunieMoon.com and follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

love women relationships healing guide personal online coaching practice dating development single spirituality divorce mindfulness empowerment awakening therapists anatomy consciousness counselors singles juicy american association midlife orgasm divorced sex educators sheri winston buried pleasure arousal secret maps midlife love out loud erotic play wholistic sexuality intimate arts center coachjuniemoon

Love Lust And Laughter - Guest Sheri Winston

Love, Lust, and Laughter

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 7, 2019 57:28

Frequent guest, Sheri Winston, is fun, funny, and possesses incredible knowledge! She is the author of Succulent Sex Craft – www.IntimateArtsCenter.com – and Women’s Anatomy of Arousal. Today’s program focused on her latter book, specifically Chapter 4 “The Red-Hot Dance of Yin and Yang.” Sexual energy – the Yin and the Yang – have similarities and differences. Sheri helped us to understand the differences so that we can deeply connect. Often at our core is the Yin or the Yang energy – with many having both energies, the receptive (Yin) and the Yang (initiating and directing). “Sexual pleasure in woman is a kind of magical spell; it demands complete abandon.”-- Simone de Beauvoir. Not feeling safe because of past sexual traumas can block energies and orgasm. There is so much more. Please tune in!

sexual anatomy laughter yang yin frequent beauvoir arousal love lust sheri winston

Our First Time & Yoni Massages with The Love Gurus LA

Heavy Topics With Lightweights

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 17, 2019 89:14

In this incredibly raw interview with The Love Gurus LA we talk about SEX. Aila and Jonathan, the couple behind Love Gurus LA, emphasize our need for connection: Connection with our partners and connection with ourselves and our bodies. To say this conversation was eye opening would be an understatement. Have we been having sex wrong this whole time?? Thanks Jonathan and Aila for spending your afternoon with us. If you're interested in attending one of their courses, head over to their website or Instagram @TheLoveGurusLA. Here are the books that were brought up in the episode: Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston, Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you enjoyed this episode please remember to subscribe and leave us a comment on your favorite podcast platform. Until then follow us on Instagram and Facebook @heavytopics.

love power sex gurus mastery massage new earth eckhart tolle yoni don miguel ruiz arousal harville hendrix sheri winston getting the love you want women's anatomy

Ep. 255: Africa Brooke on Not Performing

Raise Your Hand Say Yes with Tiffany Han

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 16, 2019 76:39

This week, it is my deep pleasure to bring you my interview with coach, speaker, and writer Africa Brooke. Africa was the very first person who came to mind when I thought up my Money, Sex, Freedom series because her work lives at the intersection of all three things. In this interview, you'll hear us cover so many topics, including: letting go of performing your way through life (both in and out of the bedroom), acknowledging fear and speaking up anyway, why owning your personal power may look different than you think it does, what to do with your fear of success, healing through self-pleasure, moving beyond childhood sexual shame, and how a connection to your body can help you stand in your power in so many other ways. Yes. We cover SO MUCH GROUND. And, if you've ever found yourself with the feeling that you're carrying something big and powerful within you and feel both terrified and exhilarated by that knowing, this episode is for you. Enjoy, enjoy! Show Notes: Connect with Tiffany on Insta Get Tiffany's newsletter and stay in the know Private Instagram Insiders Club for morning pep talks + podcast extras Inner Circle VIP list (for early-bird applications) Connect with Africa:Website | Instagram Connect with the Cherry Revolution:Website | Instagram Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

money freedom africa sex anatomy performing arousal africa brooke sheri winston

Ep. 255: Africa Brooke on Not Performing

Raise Your Hand Say Yes with Tiffany Han

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 16, 2019 76:33

This week, it is my deep pleasure to bring you my interview with coach, speaker, and writer Africa Brooke. Africa was the very first person who came to mind when I thought up my Money, Sex, Freedom series because her work lives at the intersection of all three things. In this interview, you'll hear us cover so many topics, including: letting go of performing your way through life (both in and out of the bedroom), acknowledging fear and speaking up anyway, why owning your personal power may look different than you think it does, what to do with your fear of success, healing through self-pleasure, moving beyond childhood sexual shame, and how a connection to your body can help you stand in your power in so many other ways. Yes. We cover SO MUCH GROUND. And, if you've ever found yourself with the feeling that you're carrying something big and powerful within you and feel both terrified and exhilarated by that knowing, this episode is for you. Enjoy, enjoy! Show Notes: Connect with Tiffany on Insta Get Tiffany's newsletter and stay in the know Private Instagram Insiders Club for morning pep talks + podcast extras Inner Circle VIP list (for early-bird applications) Connect with Africa:Website | Instagram Connect with the Cherry Revolution:Website | Instagram Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

money freedom africa sex performing arousal africa brooke sheri winston

The Spark 061: Intimacy, Connection, and Better Sex

The Spark With Stephanie James

Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2019 44:19

Let's talk about sex: the good, the bad, and the ugly – and how we can experience more intimacy and more fulfilling sex in our lives. This week on #TheSpark, Stephanie is joined by bestselling author and sexuality teacher Sheri Winston as we dive into the poignant and playful elements of what creates more intimacy with ourselves and our partners.Sheri's book, "Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure":https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Anatomy-Arousal-Sheri-Winston/dp/057803395X/ (https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Anatomy-Arousal-Sheri-Winston/dp/057803395X/)Sheri Winston's Intimacy Arts Center:https://intimateartscenter.com/ (https://intimateartscenter.com/)https://www.facebook.com/intimateartscenter/ (https://www.facebook.com/intimateartscenter/)https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-c2A3VDArxEpngaR8Lb1Jg (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-c2A3VDArxEpngaR8Lb1Jg)"Envision", "Too Cool" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/)Support us on Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/nocofm (https://www.patreon.com/nocofm)Hosted by Stephanie James. Produced by Chris Lanphear for NoCo FM. Hear more great podcasts at https://noco.fm (https://noco.fm)Follow the show:https://www.facebook.com/thesparkpod (https://www.facebook.com/thesparkpod)Follow NoCo FM: https://twitter.com/nocofm (https://twitter.com/nocofm)https://instagram.com/nocofm (https://instagram.com/nocofm)https://www.facebook.com/nocofm (https://www.facebook.com/nocofm) Support this podcast

women intimacy anatomy spark kevin macleod envision better sex stephanie james sheri winston buried pleasure arousal secret maps noco fm chris lanphear

#99 The Buried Pleasure of the Female Body With Sheri Winston

Shameless Sex

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 26, 2019 71:58

In this episode we dive deep into female sexual arousal with award-winning author, Wholistic Sexuality teacher and medical professional, Sheri Winston. Why have women’s body parts gone missing in history? How does female ejaculation happen on a cellular level? What are some tips for female-bodied folks who want to experience more orgasmic abundance? What about partners who want to up their pleasure skills? We also answer part 2 to last week's sex question about a cis-man with no/very low libido. About Sheri: Sheri Winston is a celebrated sexuality teacher, award-winning author and medical professional. Sheri’s 2010 book, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure (also available on audible) won the 2010 Book of the Year award from AASECT. Sheri’s 2014 book, the visionary yet practical Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice, offers a detailed road map to supercharging your erotic life and becoming sexually whole and empowered. With its wealth of ideas, practices and games, readers are able to access extraordinary pleasure, overcome challenges and learn to play masterfully with their inner ‘sexcraft’ toolkit. Sheri’s Wholistic Sexuality™ curriculum has over 50 classes covering subjects such as orgasmic abundance for men and women, integral genital anatomy, expanded arousal, sex and relationship skills, and holistic sexual and women’s reproductive health. Learn more at intimateartscenter.com Start meditating now with this easy-to-use app + get 25% off of a Calm premium subscription by visiting calm.com/shamelesssex Get 10% off + free shipping with code SHAMELESSSEX on Uberlube AKA our favorite lubricant at uberlube.com Get $5 off while mastering the art of pleasure at OMGyes.com/shameless Get 15% off all of your sex toys with code SHAMELESSSEX at purepleasureshop.com Drink a glass of delicious natural wine while listening to us by visiting marginswine.com

history sound practice female drink calm pleasure anatomy expression anal facial orgasm female body ejaculation aasect omgyes shameless sex sheri winston buried pleasure arousal secret maps erotic play wholistic sexuality

Find Your Feminine Fire With Amanda Testa - Ep. 058

The Tiny Fit Diva Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2019 43:38

Welcome to The Tiny Fit Diva podcast! Today Kylene welcomes a wonderful guest Amanda Testa to talk about talk about health and empowerment. Amanda Testa is a Sex, Love and Embodiment Coach and founder of Find Your Feminine Fire.Amanda Testa’s methods bridge ancient tools combined with the latest in neuroscience to help high performing women ditch the guilt and unworthiness and embody confidence, radiance and vitality in all areas of their lives.She recommends reading Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski and Women’s Anatomy of Desire by Sheri Winston.Learn more about the amazing things Amanda Testa has to offer at:https://www.amandatesta.com/intamacyFind your Feminine Fire Podcast https://www.amandatesta.com/blog/Thanks for tuning in and thank you especially for your support. If you want to receive Kylene’s free newsletter visit http://eepurl.com/cwIban to get signed up. We’ll see you next week!Be sure to take advantage of Kylene’s free recipe book: 21 Meals in 21 Minutes https://www.thetinyfitdiva.com/21-meals-in-21-minutesThe Tiny Fit Diva Podcast teaches you how to balance your hormones, eat what you want, release the guilt, and have freedom mentally and physically from the restrictive mentality of dieting. Your host, Kylene “The Tiny Fit Diva,” is the right person to help you do it! She is a personal trainer, online health coach, wife, stepmom and a certified FDN practitioner. It’s Kylene's passion to help you achieve and claim your optimum health. Health * Hormones * HappinessEmail Kylene at kylenet@thetinyfitdiva.com

love women sex desire anatomy meals emily nagoski nbsp embodiment coach fdn kylene sheri winston find your feminine fire amanda testa

#38 - Safety & Sensuality (for Women)

Mormon Mental Health Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 12, 2018 32:47

As with every first episode of the month, this one is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. But men, that doesn’t mean you should stop listening! This information will help men have a greater understanding of women’s experiences of safety, sensuality, and sexuality, which can lead to deeper connection with the important women in your life. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #38: There’s a missing link between a woman’s experience of safety and her sexuality, or between the experience of safety and her sexual connection with a partner, and that missing link is sensuality. A woman’s connection to her sensuality is vital to both her sense of safety and to how she feels about being sexual with a partner. When your senses are satisfied or happy, you feel calmer and safer. Once you’re aware of the relationship between safety and sensuality, you can use your experience of your own senses as a learning laboratory to increase your feelings of sexual safety and expand your awareness of yourself as a sensual being. As you move into more awareness of your body, you’ll begin to identify what’s more pleasing to you. This includes not only sensations of being touched (by yourself or another person), but also your body posture and movement. Highlights from Episode #38: We hear about the subject of today’s episode, which is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. [00:47] Vicki discusses the missing link between a woman’s sense of safety and her sexuality. [01:59] We learn some definitions of words relevant to today’s subject, including the important difference between sensuous and sensual. [04:16] How is sensuality related to boundaries, including non-sexual boundaries? [07:11] Vicki takes a moment to explain the purpose of what she’s been talking about. [10:46] What do you do with the awareness of the relationship between safety and sensuality? Vicki offers ideas for each of the five senses. [13:46] Vicki points out that the sense of touch includes the direct experience of being physically touched, and recommends a body-mapping exercise. [23:14] We hear about an experience that Vicki had around 20 years ago, and how it relates to what she’s been talking about. [26:48] Vicki recaps what she’s talked about in today’s episode. [31:41] Links and Resources: Vicki Tidwell Palmer Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier Sheri Winston Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 17: Yes, No & Maybe: Sexual Boundaries for Women with Sheri Winston

women safety sensuality sheri winston vicki tidwell palmer

The Anatomy of Arousal and Secrets of Female Pleasure with Sheri Winston

Find Your Feminine Fire

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 24, 2018 42:14

Listen in to this week’s episode as I interview Wholistic Sexuality teacher Sheri Winston, about Secrets of Female Pleasure: Women’s Anatomy of Arousal. Sheri is one of my superheroes when it comes to sex education and her book was life changing for me (note you can enter to win one of 5 copies of the book at amandatesta.com/arousal. I mean - in my 30s I was shocked about what I didn’t know about my own anatomy. Don’t miss this episode as we jam on her model of genital anatomy that goes far beyond conventional models, the female erectile network, what women can do to develop orgasmic mastery, what the key things partners should know about how to turn women on and please them sexually, transition rituals and how they can transform your experience, and how you can make the most of your sexual experience even if you only have 10 minutes. Wholistic Sexuality teacher Sheri Winston is a groundbreaking, award-winning author, and teacher who offers empowering entertaining erotic education for everyone. Sheri is the author of the award-winning Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure (which won the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists’ 2010 Book of the Year) and Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice. She’s the founder of the Intimate Arts Center. Sheri offers pleasure-centered sex-ed for grown-ups with a wide variety of practical and transformational intimate arts education. She delights in inspiring people to have a lot more pleasure, fun, and fulfillment! Find out more HERE.https://intimateartscenter.com/about/sheri-winston/

relationships woman secrets practice tips sex therapists intimacy sexuality anatomy counselors american association womens testa arousal sex educators female pleasure sheri winston buried pleasure arousal secret maps erotic play wholistic sexuality intimate arts center

Puppy Dogs and Pussy Cats With Sheri Winston #379

Sexy Marriage Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 20, 2018 38:56

There are differences between men and women. These differences can sometimes cause some issues in marriage. What if the differences can be captured with the images of a puppy dog and a pussy cat? That's what Sheri Winston joins me on the show to discuss. Enjoy the show! You can find Sheri's work here – […] The post Puppy Dogs and Pussy Cats With Sheri Winston #379 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

puppies pussycats sheri winston puppy dogs sexy marriage radio

Puppy Dogs and Pussy Cats With Sheri Winston #379

Sexy Marriage Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 20, 2018 38:56

There are differences between men and women. These differences can sometimes cause some issues in marriage. What if the differences can be captured with the images of a puppy dog and a pussy cat? That's what Sheri Winston joins me on the show to discuss. Enjoy the show! You can find Sheri's work here – […]

puppies pussycats sheri winston puppy dogs

Puppy Dogs and Pussy Cats With Sheri Winston #379

Sexy Marriage Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 20, 2018 38:56

There are differences between men and women. These differences can sometimes cause some issues in marriage. What if the differences can be captured with the images of a puppy dog and a pussy cat? That’s what Sheri Winston joins me on the show to discuss. Enjoy the show! You can find Sheri’s work here – […] The post Puppy Dogs and Pussy Cats With Sheri Winston #379 appeared first on Sexy Marriage Radio.

pussycats sheri winston puppy dogs sexy marriage radio

148: Mormon Sex Info Shares: Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure with Sheri Winston

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 6, 2018 66:10

Sheri Winston joins Natasha on this episode of Mormon Sex Info. Sheri is the author of "Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure." Natasha and Sheri discuss her book and specifically the ways in which women experience sexual pleasure. To find out more about Sheri and the work she is doing, please visit: https://intimateartscenter.com To purchase the book, please go here: https://intimateartscenter.com/shop/the-book-womens-anatomy-of-arousal/

health mental female sexuality mormon lds helfer sheri winston buried pleasure arousal secret maps women's anatomy mormon sex info

#17 - Yes, No & Maybe: Sexual Boundaries for Women with Sheri Winston

Sex, Love & Superpowers on the Superpower Network

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 5, 2018 54:17

I'm delighted to have Sheri Winston on the podcast today as my guest to talk about sexual boundaries! Sheri is a Wholistic Sexuality teacher and an award-winning author. In our conversation today, we’ll explore in-depth the topic of sexuality and boundaries, particularly for women—but also for men, and anyone in between. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #17: Far from being boring or bad, boundaries create freedom. If you have a hard time appreciating the benefits of boundaries, think about your skin: it’s a boundary that keeps out harmful things (like microbes), while letting in good things (like nourishing lotion), all while being flexible and moving with you. A process of checking in and scanning your energy centers starting with safety, then going to power, then going to thought and intuition can be applied to any boundary you want to set. The steps in communicating your sexual boundaries include checking in with yourself, being a good teacher of your boundaries, listening to what Sheri calls the Guardian and the Gatekeeper, as well as tuning into your Lover and your Warrior. If you consistently struggle with protecting your boundaries, a helpful tool is to imagine that the person you need to stand up to is coming after your sister, your best friend, or even your child. Highlights from Episode #17: Vicki introduces Sheri Winston, today’s guest. Sheri shares a bit more about herself and explains what a Wholistic Xexuality teacher is. [00:55] A lot of people see boundaries negatively, Sheri explains, and offers a few metaphors to explain why boundaries are not only helpful, but also a constant in everyday life. [11:23] How does Sheri recommend that women become aware of their sexual boundaries? [18:39] Vicki & Sheri explore the complexity of practicing sexual boundaries moment-by-moment. [28:43] Sheri gives listeners some idea of how to communicate around sexual boundaries, including timing. [31:52] How do you know when a partner (or potential partner) isn’t respecting or honoring your sexual boundaries, and what can you do about it? [43:09] Sheri points out that communicating and practicing sexual boundaries is a learning process and that we won’t do it perfectly. Mistakes are how we learn. [49:18] Links and Resources: Vicki Tidwell Palmer Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier Sheri Winston Intimate Arts Center Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

women mistakes guardian warrior anatomy lover gatekeeper arousal sexual boundaries sheri winston wholistic sexuality vicki tidwell palmer

75 :: A Conversation About Boundaries + Female Anatomy + Erotic Encounters with Sheri Winston

Ignite Intimacy

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 26, 2018 49:12

Sheri Winston is a Goddess Powerhouse. Her journey as a midwife led her to develop and teach some of the most powerful and groundbreaking work on the exploration of the female anatomy and female sexual pleasure. This conversation is a deep dive into the power of setting boundaries. Sheri shares with us her process for discovering what your boundaries are and how to stick to them when your in the midst of erotic encounters and your brain is like mush. Sheri also shares in depth about the female anatomy and the many layers and levels to our own potentials for pleasure. Episode 75 of Ignite Intimacy is powerful and juicy... you’re going to love it!! About Sheri: Wholistic Sexuality teacher, author, and founder of the Intimate Arts Center, Sheri Winston offers pleasure-centered sex-ed for grown-ups with a wide variety of practical and transformational intimate arts education. She delights in inspiring people to have a lot more pleasure, fun and fulfillment! Website Resources: Sheri's Intimate Arts Center Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin

love women relationships health education freedom practice sex psychology movement teacher spirituality boundaries female adult chasing intimacy pleasure sexuality anatomy adults transparency honesty biology jealousy encounters erotic wholistic ina may gaskin female anatomy sheri winston spiritual midwifery buried pleasure arousal secret maps erotic play wholistic sexuality ignite intimacy intimate arts center

The Hunt for Buried Pleasure: Genital Anatomy, Birth, Sex, and more with Sheri Winston

Pleasure Lab

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 12, 2018 30:45

Check out more of Sheri Winston's work at Intimate Arts Center, and pick up one of her books at your local independent bookstore (or, if you must, on Amazon: Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure & Succulent Sex Craft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice). Keep track of Sheri on Twitter and Facebook, too. Music: Grateful to Little Dog Big Ears for their Creative Commons licensed music She Sees Mice (intro and outro). Make sure to subscribe in iTunes or Sticher. And give us a 5-star review in iTunes, it helps us reach more beloved explorers.

practice birth hunt anatomy genitals sticher sheri winston buried pleasure arousal secret maps erotic play intimate arts center

SLSP – Unleashing Your Inner Orgasmic Goddess

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 31, 2018 50:39

Just when you thought you lost your sexual edge, this topic snaps you back to your prime. Join Tatiana Berindei as she interviews award-winning author and teacher, Sheri Winston, to discover secrets to unleashing your inner orgasmic goddess. How could something so natural as orgasms during sex require technique and skill to master? You'll [...]

goddess unleashing orgasmic sheri winston

SEXUAL AROUSAL

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2017 63:56

Do you understand the anatomy of female arousal? In other words… Are you familiar with all her juicy bits? Even the ones most people (yes, even sex educators, doctor, midwives and other experts) don't know about? If you want a guided tour, in search of her ‘hidden pleasures', then join us, with Sheri Winston, author of Women's Anatomy of Arousal, as we discuss how to make her reach maximum climax and become multi-orgasmic, or even make her squirt.

women health internet talk sexuality anatomy variety voiceamerica arousal sexual arousal sheri winston sexy lifestyle

SEXUAL AROUSAL

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2017 63:56

Do you understand the anatomy of female arousal? In other words… Are you familiar with all her juicy bits? Even the ones most people (yes, even sex educators, doctor, midwives and other experts) don’t know about? If you want a guided tour, in search of her ‘hidden pleasures’, then join us, with Sheri Winston, author of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, as we discuss how to make her reach maximum climax and become multi-orgasmic, or even make her squirt.

women health internet talk sexuality anatomy variety voiceamerica arousal sexual arousal sheri winston sexy lifestyle

OOPS! Last Week's Full Episode! Sex After Pregnancy: Will It Happen Again?

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 8, 2017 80:00

Due to a technical glitch (damn those internet elves!) last week's show cut out at 10 minutes. Sorry about that! It was such a good show and we really want you to hear the whole talk given many listerners have written in requesting this topic, so we're repsoting the FULL episode this week. Thanks for your patience! T had so many conversations with distressed husbands, and mothers who also felt anxiety about their low sex drive, that she sought out some answers from mothers Heather Brooker of Motherhood in Hollywood podcast and Sheri Winston who have made it through the sex drought. Sheri Winston is also a sex expert-midwife/nurse turned sexuality teacher of Intimate Arts Center. There's good news, and lots of insight into the actual pregnancy process, the sensual pleasures of it, and how we can still maintain intimate, sensual connection, even after the pregnancy. How can we best stay connected with our partners and feel appreciated on both ends? These ladies know best! Don't miss our discount Promo Code 'TATALKSEX' for our newest sponsors, the all natural skin care product, BIOCLARITY that we share in the middle of the episode, either! Episode 135, Because Sex isn't Ever Just About Sex. Find A's sensual massage videos here: www.stephanieallen.com/massage

hollywood pregnancy sheri winston heather brooker motherhood in hollywood intimate arts center

Sex After Pregnancy: Will It Happen Again? Guests Sheri Winston & Heather of MIH

The Sacred Medicine Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 2, 2017 80:00

T had so many conversations with distressed husbands, and mothers who also felt anxiety about their low sex drive, that she sought out some answers from mothers Heather Brooker of Motherhood in Hollywood podcast and Sheri Winston who have made it through the sex drought. Sheri Winston is also a sex expert-midwife/nurse turned sexuality teacher of Intimate Arts Center. There's good news, and lots of insight into the actual pregnancy process, the sensual pleasures of it, and how we can still maintain intimate, sensual connection, even after the pregnancy. How can we best stay connected with our partners and feel appreciated on both ends? These ladies know best! Don't miss our discount Promo Code 'TATALKSEX' for our newest sponsors, the all natural skin care product, BIOCLARITYthat we share in the middle of the episode, either! Episode 135, Because Sex isn't Ever Just About Sex. Find A's sensual massage videos here: www.stephanieallen.com/massage

hollywood motherhood pregnancy sheri winston heather brooker motherhood in hollywood intimate arts center

002: Anatomy of Arousal with Sheri Winston

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 27, 2016 64:19

Sheri Winston is a celebrated sexuality teacher, award-winning author and medical professional. She is someone I have known for many years, from taking one of her workshops to just recently running into her at the SHE Expo. In this episode, we jam about: All the reasons why you may have low libido How to enhance or begin learning how your body orgasms Anatomy of arousal Where and how to begin to awaken your sexual body Getting to the trance state in arousal Her favorite sex toys and the ultimate of all sex toys! How to handle shame around your sexuality or sensuality Show notes: http://www.margaretromero.com/episode2/

anatomy arousal sheri winston

Secrets of Female Sexual Arousal with Sheri Winston

Eros Evolution

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 20, 2016 56:41

Aired Thursday, 20 October 2016, 4:00 PM ETInch for inch, pound for pound, women have as much erectile tissue as men.Learn about the parts that not even gynecologists know about, and how they can ramp up your pleasure to amazing new levels of arousal.About the Guest Sheri WinstonWholistic Sexuality teacher Sheri Winston CNM, RN, BSN, LMT is a groundbreaking, award-winning author, teacher and coach. She offers empowering erotic education with her wide variety of transformational, inspiring, practical offerings for the general public as well as professional trainings.Sheri is the founder of the Center for the Intimate Arts and the author of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure (AASECT 2010 Book of the Year) and Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice. Sheri’s 15 years as a sexuality teacher are based on a twenty-five year foundation as a nurse-midwife, gynecology practitioner, RN and massage therapist.

women secrets practice lifestyle spirituality female sexuality anatomy rn talk radio bsn lmt sacred sex sexual arousal sheri winston arousal secret maps aired thursday erotic play

Creating a Succulent Sex Life with Sheri Winston

Momma Goddess Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 17, 2016 67:33

Sheri Winston offers empowering, enlightening erotic education for everyone as a teacher of Wholistic Sexuality. She’s an award-winning author & founder of the Center for the Intimate Arts, and has a background as a nurse-midwife, gynecology practitioner, registered nurse, holistic healer, doula & massage therapist. TOPICS: How to communicate and create boundaries in intimate relationships + How masculine (yang) + feminine (yin) energies are wired and how they show up in our bodies + How to be more flirty and create more games in your sexual life + How to keep love life juicy and succulent even after years of being together + 4 languages of touch and why they are vital for relationship health.

success balance fun sexuality long term sex life sensuality succulent sheri winston wholistic sexuality

Wholistic Sexuality During Pregnancy & Birth with Sheri Winston

Momma Goddess Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 27, 2016 69:19

Sheri Winston offers empowering, enlightening erotic education for everyone as a teacher of Wholistic Sexuality. She’s an award-winning author & founder of the Center for the Intimate Arts, and has a background as a nurse-midwife, gynecology practitioner, registered nurse, holistic healer, doula & massage therapist. Sheri's book, Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure, won the AASECT* 2010 Book of the Year Award. Her upcoming book, Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice, promises to be an even greater success! TOPICS: Hot tips for sex during pregnancy + Why orgasms are so beneficial for your health and your birth preparation + The fact that labor, arousal, birth and orgasm share the same equipment/pathways and why that matters + How to enter an altered state of consciousness during birth and why that’s important + Breastfeeding as an orgasmic experience (!)

practice birth pregnancy intimacy sexuality doula orgasm wholistic aasect sheri winston buried pleasure wholistic sexuality women's anatomy

23: Useful Things You Never Knew about Feminine Sexuality with Sheri Winston

Relationship Alive!

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2016 65:19

Today’s guest is Sheri Winston, wholistic sexuality teacher, founder of the center for intimate arts, and author of the award-winning book “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure”. We’re going to talk about how the sexual energy of a feminine person works. We’re also going to talk about the female anatomy - and you just might find out some things that you NEVER knew before. Sheri also brings her knowledge as a midwife and a massage therapist to bear on the topic of just how we might come to sexuality from a completely different perspective. I guarantee that unless you’ve already read Sheri’s book (and maybe even if you have) you’re going to learn something new today. Here are the highlights from my conversation with Sheri Winston: What is wholistic sexuality? This is a way of seeing the sexual life force that emanates through us and around us at all times. When you’ve heard me talking about “the continuum” - this is it. We are always able to access this energy, and with our partners we are always connected, even when we’re not in the bedroom. Contrast that with “male sexuality” - This is the popular model for “how sexuality works” - and it represents a very masculine way of looking at sexuality. Quick turn-on, deep penetration, huge orgasms. However, feminine people have a completely different type of sexuality. What is feminine sexuality? Rather than a quick boil that starts at the center (masculine sexuality), feminine sexuality starts at “the edges” and heats up slowly, until the entire system is fired up. It can take a little while! So wholistic sexuality is: being able to recognize these different types of sexual energy and recognize where you and your partner fall on the spectrum - and then to take each other into account! How does a woman know when she’s actually ready to experience penetration? If you are “desperate” to have your partner inside of you, then you are ready. Anything before that and your entire system may not be quite ready. Also it should feel “completely fabulous” If a woman is “wet” does that mean that she’s ready to be penetrated? NO! In fact, lubrication is one of the earliest stages of arousal, but many more things need to happen in a woman’s body (along with lubrication) for penetration to feel completely pleasurable. It’s about the journey - so enjoy it! Did you know that women have as much erectile tissue as men? Along with erectile tissue that’s present all throughout the broad genital region, the clitoris is actually just the tip of an enormous clitoral network that extends throughout that part of a woman’s body. As an experiment, if you’re a woman (or partnered with a woman): See if you can observe all of the changes that are happening within a woman’s body as she is getting more and more aroused. Can you figure out where all (or at least some) of the erectile tissue is? Sheri Winston calls this a “herection”. :-) Timing is everything! For instance, there is a stage in arousal where the cervix gets pulled up and out of the way. When that happens, deep thrusting penetration can feel amazing! Before that happens - it can be painful! O1 vs O2...and beyond! How sensitive are you able to become to the levels of arousal when you bypass “Peak Orgasms” and allow your bodies to ride deeper waves of pleasure together, for more time? Arousal is an “altered state of consciousness”: And when you see it that way, you can understand why it can take time to make the shift, and why it’s an experience that can be deepened. Figure out what you need for yourself, and what your partner needs, to stay in and play with that state of consciousness - it’s a grand experiment! Here are some ideas for how to expand that altered state: How does changing the way that you’re breathing affect the sensation in your body? How does your state of relaxation affect things? Can you set the stage in different ways that connect you to a ritual of sensuality - to help deepen your presence, and ability to be absorbed in the moment? The power of sound: Making wide, open sounds can actually help your body relax - it’s part of an automatic response where the lower part of our body reciprocates the openness of the upper part of our body (our throat and mouth when we make those kinds of sounds) Set the container: Create an intention with your partner to close the space, energetically, to the rest of the world. That space and time when you are together is yours and yours alone, and other intruding thoughts/energies are not welcome. It can be a good idea to keep technology (phones, etc.) out of the bedroom. How to keep things “alive”: Be INTERESTING and INTERESTED! Cultivate your creativity and imagination AND your curiosity about your partner’s experience. Eye contact and kissing with tongue: Both magnify sexual energy and help induce the “altered state of consciousness” that we’ve been talking about. Dedicate Time - In long-term relationships, sexual connection “just happens” less and less, without attention. Dedicate time as frequently as possible to experiencing your partner’s sensual essence. Even just 5 minutes of eye-gazing is better than nothing. How do we handle shame? If you know that shame is an issue for you, recognize that it is at times for almost all of us! During the altered state of arousal, it can be a prime time for you to reprogram those parts of you - especially if your partner is prepared for those moments. Prepare positive statements that reverse the shame, and, as an example, you can have your partner whisper them to you (or yell them at you!). Whatever feels right. Debrief - LATER. You can always take time at a later moment to talk to your partner about what came up for you (or to ask your partner about what came up for them) - what worked, what didn’t, strategize for the future, and take a moment to affirm the depth of your love for each other. Resources Sheri’s websites: www.intimateartscenter.com www.intimateartsonline.com Woman’s Anatomy of Arousal on Amazon www.neilsattin.com/arousal Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this episode's airing, you are automatically qualified for a chance to win a free copy of Sheri Winston’s award-winning book “Woman’s Anatomy of Arousal”. Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

women relationships amazon woman energy passion figure sexuality anatomy timing cultivate feminine vaginas contrast orgasm o2 dedicate arousal clitoris o1 things you never knew sheri winston useful things buried pleasure arousal secret maps be interesting

Female Orgasm: Myth vs. Reality & How to Get It Right w/ Sheri Winston Ep.71

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2015 74:00

So many factors out there in the world affect our sexuality and ultimately, our ability to orgasm, including media, myths, education, mis-education, , on and on... In this episode we talk with Sheri Winston, author of 'The Anatomy of Female Arousal' and founder of the Intimate Arts Center, about the myths and the realities of the female orgasm, how to orgasm with your parnter and perhaps even during penetration. While romance novels and say we should be having mind blowing orgasms while riding a horse... in the rain... on command and with no foreplay, the reality is quite different- and it doesn't mean we're broken. SHOW NOTES: Quick Note: Stay tuned through this episode to hear about our special holiday discount codes. Information at end of show notes! Do you feel broken because you don’t orgasm in a certain way, or even at all, with your partner? We get some pretty bad ideas about orgasm from media and culture and many women think that there’s something ‘wrong’ with them if they’re not having the ‘Big O’ with their partners. So, many women only achieve orgasm through masturbation and, even worse, fake orgasm with their partners, a strategy that leaves both partners at a disadvantage both now and for the future- LINK FOR FULL SHOW NOTES HERE : http://www.tatalksex.com/female-orgasm-myth-vs-reality-how-to-get-it-right-w-sheri-winston-ep-71/

relationships reality sex myth sexuality orgasm get it right big o female orgasms female sexuality sheri winston intimate arts center

Your Period: Why You Shouldn't Stop It! w/Sheri Winston, Ep.67