Podcast appearances and mentions of justin coulson

Parenting expert Dr. Justin Coulson joins the studio to chat about his highly anticipated new book, Boys. Dr. Justin breaks down the immense pressure on young men today and how we can build strong, emotionally resilient men from the inside out. He shares a touching story of how his own 17-year-old daughter's recent breakup heavily influenced his writing, why he passionately advocates for all boys to take a gap year post-school, and the critical importance of booking dedicated father-son bonding trips.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jenny interviews Dr Justin Coulson, one of Australia's most respected relationships speakers, authors, and researchers. Passionate about understanding what helps relationships flourish, Justin has spoken to tens of thousands of people about relationships in leadership, education, and, most importantly, family life.In this episode, Jenny and Justin discuss his new book:Boys: A Guide to Raising Boys to Be Confident, Resilient and Caring(ABC Books – released 16 June 2026)Justin Coulson reveals what decades of research suggests: when boys get what they actually need, they thrive. Not through force or fixing, but through connection, meaningful challenge, and someone who refuses to give up on them. Culture and society have been changing at a rapid pace for several centuries. The speed of that change is accelerating. The evolution of masculinity is ongoing. In many ways, masculinity is always ‘under construction'. But this book is about what doesn't change. It's about the foundations of healthy human flourishing in boys. They are ideas that you can build a family on – and a boy's life on. Book Link:https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/Boys-Guide-Raising-Confident-Resilient-CaringGuest: Dr Justin Coulsonhttps://happyfamilies.com.au/boysNewsletter-https://parenthopeproject.com.au/#newsletterYoutube-http://www.youtube.com/@ParentHopeProjectFacebook-https://www.facebook.com/coachingparentsInstagram-https://www.instagram.com/parenthopeproject/LinkedIn-https://www.linkedin.com/company/79093727/admin/feed/posts/Website-https://parenthopeproject.com.au/Contact us:Contact@parentproject.com.au(02) 9904 5600

Most parents teach their children “stranger danger” and protective behaviours believing it will keep them safe. But what if the way we’ve approached child safety for decades isn’t actually the most effective strategy? In this confronting but deeply important conversation, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with child sexual abuse prevention specialist Dr Julia Rudolph about how abuse really unfolds, why grooming is often invisible to families, and the practical shifts parents can make to create safer environments for children. This episode explores the hidden patterns behind grooming, the limits of child-focused prevention strategies, and why parents play the most powerful role in protecting kids. It’s uncomfortable listening at times — but it may also change the way you think about safety forever. KEY POINTS: Why most child sexual abuse does not begin with fear or violenceHow grooming targets both children and adults The “Five Cs of Grooming” parents need to understand Why traditional “protective behaviours” education may fall short The research-backed parenting strategies linked to lower abuse risk How supervision, boundaries, and engagement create safer environments The shift parents need to make from teaching safety to creating safety QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Prevention is not about preparing children to manage dangerous adults. It’s about adults creating the conditions that make children harder to access, harder to isolate, and surrounded by safe, engaged environments.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Protective Pathways Happy Families ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Learn the signs and stages of grooming, both online and offline Get curious about the environments and adults around your child Create clear family rules and boundaries around supervision and care Focus on warm, connected relationships with your children Shift the question from “How do I teach my child to stay safe?” to “How do I create safer environments around my child?” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson told 3AW Breakfast it is a complicated issue.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Parenting can feel like a daily drain you never clock out from. We sit down with Justin Coulson to name what so many families are quietly carrying: parental burnout, constant pressure, and the way screens can steal the best parts of home life without anyone noticing until the connection is already thin.We get practical about the moments that blow up, especially yelling. Justin breaks down why shouting becomes a default habit under stress and how to interrupt it with a surprisingly simple shift: get your child's attention first, move toward them, and speak softer instead of louder. From there we talk about kids having “L plates” on emotionally, why trying to “fix” people often creates resistance, and how love, limits, and laughter create the kind of stability kids actually grow from.The conversation goes deeper into purpose and faith as anchors for mental health, including a way to pray that invites action and course correction instead of paralysis. We also explore the pressure we put on kids to “fulfill their potential,” the real value of gap years and alternative pathways, and what Justin's new work on raising boys is trying to solve. His definition of healthy masculinity is simple and challenging: a healthy man helps the people around him feel safer and stronger.If you want more peace at home and better connection with your kids, press play, then share this with a parent who needs it. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us what boundary or habit you're working on next.If Sunburnt Souls has helped or blessed you in any way, can I ask a small favour? Would you consider telling someone about the podcast, reposting an episode link, or bringing it up over dinner with a mate sometime? Word of mouth is how this podcast spreads. We don't have the budget for advertising, so every share genuinely helps more people discover the conversations we're having around faith and mental health.

What if protecting our kids too much is actually holding them back? In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with extreme athlete, sports psychologist, and author Ant Williams to unpack why so many kids struggle with pressure, discomfort, and resilience — and what parents can do differently. From diving beneath Arctic ice to coaching elite athletes under extreme stress, Ant shares the mindset shifts that help people stay calm, capable, and courageous when life gets hard. Together, they explore the parenting habits that unintentionally weaken resilience, the fine line between support and overprotection, and why kids need opportunities to struggle, fail, and recover. If your child avoids hard things, melts down under pressure, or constantly says “I can’t”, this episode will change the way you respond. KEY POINTS Why resilience is built through challenge — not comfort The difference between being a safety net and a shield How parents accidentally reinforce anxiety and avoidance Why kids need evidence they can handle hard things The long-term risks of wrapping children in cotton wool How your reactions to stress become your child’s template The simple “fish hook” strategy for staying calm under pressure Why modelling courage matters more than preaching confidence QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Our reaction becomes their template.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Let It Be Tough by Ant Williams Resilience: Developing strength, calm, & kindness in our kids [a Happy Families Webinar] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Resist rescuing your child from every uncomfortable situation Encourage small, manageable challenges that build confidence Talk openly about your own fears and how you handle them Stay calm during stressful moments — your child is learning from your response Focus on supporting your child, not shielding them Help kids reflect after setbacks instead of immediately fixing things See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, my guest is Dr. Justin Coulson, an Australian parenting expert and father of 6 who has his PhD in psychology and is the author of 10 books on parenting and the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie. We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids' challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E's of discipline.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU!We talk about:* 1:45 – Introduction to Dr. Justin Coulson and his personal parenting turning pointHow struggles with anger and discipline led him to rethink everything and study psychology.* 08:20 – Learning to regulate ourselves, practicing repair, and growing over time.* 15:50 – Why peaceful parenting starts with the parent's self-awareness and regulation.* 19:50 – Understanding behavior through compassion and curiosity.* 20:50 – The HALTS frameworkHow hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness, and stress impact children's behavior.* 23:00 – Self-determination theory and parenting* 33:00 – The 3 E's of Effective Discipline* 41:50 – How to use the 3 E's in everyday parenting moments.Real-life examples: screens, sibling conflict & collaboration* 49:00 – Building trust and the “goodwill bank” with kidsWhy collaborative parenting pays off when tough limits are needed.* 53:30 – Advice to his younger parenting self: “soft eyes”A powerful reflection on kindness, connection, and showing up with compassion.* 56:30 – Where to find Dr. Justin CoulsonHis podcast, books, and upcoming work on boys and healthy masculinity.Resources mentioned in this episode:* Dr. Justin's website and podcast* Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player* The Peaceful Parenting Membership* Evelyn & Bobbie brasConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HEREEvelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERESarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today's guest is Dr. Justin Coulson. He's an Australian parenting expert with a PhD in psychology, the author of 10 books on parenting, the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie, the father of six children, and, last but not least, grandfather of one.We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids' challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E's of discipline, which I just loved.If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you're a fan of the podcast, you can help us out not only by sharing it, but by leaving a review and a five-star rating in your podcast player app. While you're there, don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss an episode.If you'd like to support us even more, you can become a supporter on Substack to help us offset the cost of making the show. We'll put a link in the show notes.Let's meet Dr. Justin. I hope you enjoy this conversation and get as much out of his insights as I did.Sarah: Hello, Dr. Justin, and welcome to the podcast.Dr. Justin: Sarah, I'm so glad to be with you. Thanks for having me on.Sarah: Yeah, and it's morning for you, evening for me—nice—and I'm just glad that we could make this time to talk to each other. I really appreciate it. Thank you. So, could you just tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?Dr. Justin: Sure. I grew up on the east coast of Australia, about an hour north of Sydney. Geographically, that kind of locates where I was. I was the teenage boy that every parent hopes they will not have. I don't think I was a particularly bad kid, but I certainly wasn't a good kid.My parents were spending a small fortune—I'm a 1975 baby, I turned 50 last year—but this was in the late '80s and early '90s. My parents were spending so much money to send me to a private school. Because we were on the coast—a very quintessentially Australian thing—I was wagging school.Do you say “wagging school” in Canada? Is that a term Canadians use?Sarah: No, but I think we get the context. I think it means not going to school.Dr. Justin: Yeah, I was truant. They thought I was there, but I wasn't.Sarah: We say skipping.Dr. Justin: I was skipping school. Okay, yeah. We call it a school wag.So I would go to school in the morning and get my name marked off in roll call. Then I would sneak out of the school. Across the road from the school, there were bushes—kind of a forest, or whatever you might call it in Canada and America. I would get changed out of my tie, long pants, and black school shoes, throw on some board shorts and a T-shirt.My surfboard was stashed in the bush, and I'd grab it from the hiding place. Then I'd jump on a bus, go to the beach, and surf all day. Afterward, I'd get a bus back to school in the afternoon, change back into my uniform, and race into the school just in time to get my name marked off, looking like I'd been at school all day.This was in the days before schools communicated with parents via email and text, because none of that existed. I was able to get away with it.So I finished high school. I scored in the bottom 15%—Sarah: Goodness.Dr. Justin: Not just my class, but of the entire state of New South Wales. My parents were devastated.I didn't care. I wanted to have a media career. I wanted to be a radio announcer. So I got into radio. If you've ever listened to the radio—and no offense to radio people—you know you don't have to do well at school to be good at radio. You just have to be able to sit on the microphone and say things that make sense.I knew I could do that, so school didn't matter to me. I didn't care about it. That's what I did.But this is where it intersects with parenting.About 10 years into my radio career, my wife and I were having some challenges, particularly around my parenting. We had a threenager and a newborn baby.That three-year-old—I had always held the opinion that my children would do as they were told, and if they didn't, I would make sure they understood that I was the father and that their job was to do as I said.So I was very punitive. I basically made all of the parenting mistakes you can imagine when I would get angry, frustrated, and ill-tempered. It's not that I was a bad father—I spent a lot of high-quality time loving my kids—but I was also really short-fused and highly aggressive.Frankly, I went from threatening to hitting really fast. You call it spanking; we would call it smacking. I was very, very quick to smack or spank my three-year-old, and it wasn't working.After one particularly bad incident where things escalated, I really did lose control. I didn't just spank her once. There were multiple spankings. This was like a 10-minute escalation session where it just got worse and worse and worse.My wife was out at the time. When she came home, I said to Kylie, “I'm a bad father. I'm not doing this well. I'm making a lot of mistakes, and here's what happened while you were out.”Full confession: Kylie has always been this wonderfully supportive wife—very kind, gentle, compassionate, soft-spoken, thoughtful, considerate, empathic—all of those beautiful attributes that I prize and treasure in my good wife.She was none of those things that day.She had fire in her eyes and said, “You are not living up to the father that I hoped you would be, and you're also not living up to the husband I need you to be.”And it took me back, because I was already feeling downcast. I felt like I was failing anyway, and she just—it was like she picked up a great big lump of wood and whacked me over the head with it and said, “No.”Of course, she didn't actually do that, but that's how it felt. It felt physical. Visceral. Like, Ow. This is serious.I left my radio career shortly thereafter.I was working at one of the biggest radio stations in Australia at the time, and I gave up all the backstage passes with global superstars and hanging out with record company executives at the best restaurants, eating their food so they could bribe me to play their music on the radio station. I went back to school.I became a full-time student. I worked part-time at three different jobs while studying full-time. I'd sleep under the desk at university so I could do the study and the work—Sarah: No surfing this time?Dr. Justin: No surfing this time, no. I was just so committed to it.After eight and a half years of full-time study, I graduated with a doctorate. I had to do a couple of other qualifications first, including a psychological science degree. I graduated with a doctorate in psychology and became a university lecturer.Along the way, Sarah, we went from having our two kids at that point to having our third child in my first year of study, our fourth child in my fifth year of study, and our fifth child while I was doing my doctorate. Shortly after I left the university setting, stopped lecturing, and started writing books and giving talks, we had our sixth child.So we're the parents—Sarah: Amazing.Dr. Justin: —of six daughters. Today, they range in age from 12—the youngest—to the oldest, who is in her mid-to-late 20s. She and her husband have a baby now. They've been married for a few years.Sarah: Wow. You're a grandpa.Dr. Justin: A grand—I'm a grandpa. We have a two-and-a-half-year-old grandbaby, four adult children, one in her teens, and a 12-year-old.So that's kind of my very short version of the journey.Along the way, I've written a bunch of books. We've got a TV show in Australia called Parental Guidance. We've had three seasons of that show on primetime TV. I've got a website and all the things that you'd expect—a podcast and so on.Sarah: What did you do when you had that aha moment—that realization that you weren't being the kind of dad you wanted to be, and your wife also agreed that you weren't being the kind of dad she wanted you to be? What did you change?Because you just mentioned that you spent eight and a half years going back to school. I imagine that you made some changes before you had six kids. So what did you do right away, maybe for anyone listening who can relate to those feelings of rage and feeling triggered by your child?Dr. Justin: Sarah, the first thing I'd say is that there was no linear change, and there were no immediate changes, because I didn't know what to do.I was unskilled. I was uneducated. I didn't know anything about psychology, and I clearly didn't know anything about parenting.But I found a mentor. I have a faith background, and there was a writer who wrote eloquently and compassionately. I just felt like he understood me, and he became a mentor to me.I also discovered a guy called Alfie Kohn. You might be familiar with Alfie Kohn.Sarah: Oh, Alfie Kohn was the first thing I ever read about parenting—Dr. Justin: Oh, great.Sarah: —before I even had kids. And he was on the podcast last year, which felt like a full-circle moment between how influential—I told him on the podcast, “You have probably had the biggest influence on me—not only in my parenting, but in my life's direction—of any single person out there.”So, sorry, fan-girl moment. I'm right there with you with Alfie Kohn.Dr. Justin: Yeah. I've gotten to know Alfie over the years as my academic career advanced and I began to understand where he took his research from.I read his book Punished by Rewards—I think it was a 1993—Sarah: That was my first one too.Dr. Justin: Yeah, it's a 1993 publication or something.Sarah, it was just so influential.What happened was, I was doing my university degree and learning things, and honestly, I'd be sitting there thinking, Hang on, the things they're teaching me in these university courses seem to clash with what Alfie Kohn taught me in Punished by Rewards.So I spent a lot of time in the notes section at the back—you know, all the references nobody ever reads?Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: As I went through them, I discovered researchers named Edward Deci and Richard Ryan from the University of Rochester in upstate New York.They had developed a theory known as self-determination theory.A large portion of Alfie Kohn's work is based on self-determination theory.So I really dug deep into that. I still love Alfie, but I moved very much into the academic side because I became a university lecturer and really got into the nitty-gritty of understanding the deepest depths of what self-determination theory is all about. That has become the foundation of the work that I do.And to your question: nothing is linear when you are trying to make improvements.Whether you're trying to change your diet, exercise, get your finances in order, or improve your relationships, you have insights. You have moments where you think, Oh my goodness, this is what I need to do. I need to show up with warmth on my face and soft eyes.And then three hours later, one of your children does something, and you forget what soft eyes look and feel like. You look at them with hard eyes, frustration in your voice, and short, clipped sentences.Then half an hour later, you think, Oh, self-awareness. I missed that.So it's this gradual process: two steps forward, one step back. Three steps forward, one step back. Four steps forward, three steps back. Eight steps forward, no steps back.Over the years, I had this beautiful experience—and maybe you've had a similar experience in your family as you've raised your kids.We were maybe in my third or fourth year of study. My wife has an early childhood background. She knows child development. She knows what kids need.She was a little skeptical about a lot of the things I was starting to talk about and discover as I went through university and got into the depths of what the research meant—comparing and contrasting it with what was mainstream, but actually not always quite right.We had some tension around how we should respond to the children. I was moving away from that authoritarian bent and developing ideas around exploring their world more.One night, I came home from university a little late. It was probably around 9:00 p.m. Our three children were still awake.As I drove into the driveway, all the lights in the house were on. The windows were open. Looking through the living room window, I could tell the house was—to put it politely—a mess.And as I stepped into the house, the kids—it was just awful.I walked over to Kylie and said, “Honey, it looks like it's been a pretty tough day.”I was trying to be compassionate and empathic. I was really trying to do what psychology says is the right thing to do.Kylie looked at me without hesitation and said, “Don't give me any of that psychology crap. I've had the worst day in the world.”Then she stormed out and said, “You fix it,” and walked into the bedroom and closed the door.Again, this is not how my wife usually is, but it had been a really rough day. The kids were feral. The house was a mess.I looked at my priorities. I sat down with the child who was struggling the most and worked with her for two or three minutes. She calmed down, I gave her a little food, and put her to bed.Within about 20 minutes, I had all three kids in bed, and I was so proud of myself.I stepped into the kitchen and started tidying up. I thought, I'll just give Kylie some space.After another 30 or 40 minutes of tidying, I stepped into the living room and said, “Honey, I know you're really upset. It's been a pretty tough day. I wasn't trying to be judgy or anything.”And she said, “It's fine for you. You're not dealing with it all day. You walk in and think you can just snap your fingers and everything's fine.”Then she looked at me and said, “But tonight, you walked in and it feels like you snapped your fingers and everything's fine.”And we had this beautiful conversation where she said, “I've been resenting the things you've been trying to tell me because it felt like you were telling me I was wrong.“But I've been watching, and I'm actually seeing that the things you're doing are working, and our family is feeling better.”It took four or five years to get there, Sarah.It's not like I had this epiphany—I'm a bad father, I need to change—and suddenly I was a good dad.There were many embarrassing, shameful moments after that epiphany where I still made terrible decisions and treated the children badly.Even today, I still lose my temper, say things I shouldn't, and get frustrated, because kids are kids and we're fallible humans.But we call parenting parenting because it's about us. If it were about children, we'd call it childrening.Which sounds silly, right?Dr. Justin: But what I've really discovered is that if I can learn how to regulate myself—high emotions equal low intelligence—then I can regulate my emotions, turn them up or down appropriately for the context, and keep them in harmony with my long-term goals, which are to have loving, kind relationships with my children.If I can do that, I'm going to approach them with a tremendously different focus than I will if I'm looking for a short-term fix.And that is something—Anger is a habit. Yelling is a habit. Time-out is a habit. Reward charts are a habit.We can create other habits. We just have to understand the processes and principles behind those habits and then practice them, like we practice a song on the piano, until we finally get it right.Sarah: I love that.So you and Kylie really had a journey—a back-and-forth dance of your own processes and your own development.I do love how you say it's really about us. Whenever I'm working with clients, after a couple of sessions they'll say, “You know what? This isn't even about my kid. This is just about me.”Dr. Justin: Yes. Yes.Sarah: Nobody wants to believe that at first, because it's so much easier to think, I've just got to change them and what they're doing.But it's really all about what we're bringing to the moment and what we're bringing to the relationship.Dr. Justin: I get in trouble sometimes for being overly provocative and saying things that are insensitive, so a quick warning:I want to say what I'm about to say with all the compassion in the world and all the tenderness and care in the world, because I work with people every single day who are dealing with exactly the struggles you're talking about.I want to step into the world of neurodiversity—ADHD, autism, trauma—those kinds of areas.What we're talking about applies there as well. It's just harder.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: But ultimately, if I'm raising an ADHD child or a child who's been through a traumatic experience, once again, parenting is not about them. It's about how I show up for them.So I can say, “Well, my child's like that,” or, “I'm like this because of the diagnosis,” or because of the label, or because of the trauma, or because of the neural networks doing what they're doing.I can say all of those things, and many people do. It's understandable, and I have all the compassion in the world for them when they do.But the key thing I want to highlight is that in spite of all of those challenges your child might be facing—or even that you might be facing—today begins now.It begins with what you put on your face and what you think in your mind.If we can soften our features and go to our children with kindness and compassion while still holding appropriate limits—or working with them to develop appropriate limits—then what we can say is:“Yes, that bad thing happened,” or, “Yes, we are dealing with this difficulty, so what are we going to do about it?”We can fall into the I can't do anything way of thinking, which is really ineffective and doesn't help at all.Or we can step into I have this incredible thing psychologists call agency, or self-efficacy, where I can make a decision now, and if we work on it, we can actually improve things.It might be a longer, harder road. There may be more obstacles to climb over than a typical family without those challenging circumstances.It may be harder.But we can always improve.I never want to be the person who puts limits on what kids can do or what parents can do.If we change our language, change our focus, and recognize that this is a long game—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —which requires sustained effort every single day, it's extraordinary the progress we can make and the changes we can create in our home and our family.Sarah: For sure. Yeah.And unfortunately, it's a long game, right? Because I think today we always want quick answers and solutions.Really, it's just showing up every day as best you can and repairing when you don't show up the way you wish you had.And I think another really important part of it—which you were talking around a little bit—is trying to understand our child's experience and see things from their perspective.I was just talking to a client about that today:What's the most emotionally generous explanation you can come up with for their behavior?Because we don't actually know why anyone does anything, since we're not in their brain.But we often jump to, They're being rude on purpose, or They're trying to annoy me.Really, if we can think, Well, I don't know why they're doing this, but there's probably a reason, because kids want to be good. They want to be connected with us.And just reminding ourselves that they're not giving us a hard time—they're having a hard time.That actually makes it easier, I think, to show up as your best, most compassionate self—with, as you say, soft eyes and warm features.Dr. Justin: Yeah.No child wakes up in the morning thinking, Today's the day. I'm just going to ruin everything.This is the perfect opportunity. My parents are tired and frazzled. There's a cost-of-living crisis. There are all these challenges happening, and if ever there was a moment—it's now. I'm going to do it today.They don't wake up thinking that.Like you said—and you said it so perfectly—kids really do want to please us.I know some parents listening to me say that right now are thinking, No, no. My child does not want to please me.And so the question becomes: Why? Why are they struggling?And maybe this is a nice way for me to bring in some of the principles I learned as I went deeper into self-determination theory.There are a couple of times when children are almost guaranteed to be challenging, and this has nothing to do with self-determination theory. This is just general psychology and wellbeing.I always think of Germany. A police officer tells you to stop, but they don't say the word stop because they're German.In German, the word for stop is halt—H-A-L-T.So we add an S to the end, and the acronym becomes:Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Stressed.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Those are the five times when you can all but guarantee your children are not going to be doing well.If they are hungry, get some food into them—ideally a little protein, because it's satiating and helps them feel full quickly.If they're angry, then we've got to remember: high emotions equal low intelligence.You can't think straight in a high emotional state.So our job is to get curious, not furious, because if we fight fire with fire, we end up with a scorched-earth policy and everything gets burned.Dr. Justin: Lonely.I could be sitting right next to you, Sarah, and feel disconnected and lonely—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —even if we were very close.Our children are sometimes literally sitting at our kitchen bench, and they feel alone. They feel a little lost. Because of the way we're responding to them—with hard commands, correction, and direction rather than connection—they feel lonely.Tired.I don't even need to explain that.Even as adults, I don't know any couple who, at the end of witching hour—or whatever you might call it in North America, that 5:00 to 7:00 p.m. stretch when the kids—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: —are just oof…It's the end of that period, and you're exhausted, the kids are exhausted, and you look at your husband or wife and say, “You know what? We are so tired. We're shattered. But boy, are we nailing it tonight.”Nobody ever says that when they're tired—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: —because you're not nailing it. You're just hanging in there.And it's the same with kids.Then the S is for stressed, and that includes sickness, because sickness is a stress on the body as well.Those five indicators are going to let you know when your child is likely to be challenging, and I think they're really good to watch out for.But if we go a little deeper and talk about self-determination theory, it says that each of us has these needs.You have them, Sarah, and I have them, and our children have them—even your mother-in-law has them.We have three basic psychological needs.When we're in environments where those needs are supported, oh my goodness, we thrive. These are environments we're drawn to and attracted to. We approach them with a smile on our face and can't wait to be there.But if the environment is what researchers call need-thwarting or need-frustrating—meaning it frustrates and thwarts those needs—then we avoid it.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Or, if we're in those environments, we act in ways that are challenging.So the basic psychological needs are:Number one: a sense of relationship, or relatedness. That's the technical term they use.Relatedness is a sense of mutual belonging.Sarah: So would it be similar to mattering? Like you feel like you matter to somebody?Dr. Justin: Yeah. There's been a lot of talk recently about mattering.But it's reciprocal mattering. It's not just one-way.It's I matter to you, but you matter to me.Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: Let me use Mother's Day as an example.We just had Mother's Day in Australia at the start of May.If I've got a great relationship with my mother-in-law, and it's Mother's Day, I'm probably going to spend the morning with my wife and family while my children celebrate their mum. Then maybe at lunchtime, we head over to the in-laws to celebrate my wife's mum.If I feel like that relationship need is supported at my mother-in-law's—meaning there's mutual belonging, I matter to her, she matters to me, we enjoy one another's company, and it feels good—I'm going to say:“Great. Let's get in the car. Let's go. What do we need to do?”But if I'm going to a need-frustrating environment—if there's tension, antagonism, snide remarks, eye rolls, silence, defensiveness, or wounds from bad things that happened in the past—that environment doesn't feel good to me.So I'm going to say to Kylie:“Honey, why don't you take the kids to your mum's? Have a great lunch. We've made a big mess this morning, and I think the best thing I can do for your Mother's Day”—and I'll frame it nicely, of course—“is stay home, tidy the house, clean up the kitchen, get everything ready, and put dinner on for tonight so you can have your perfect Mother's Day dinner. I'll see you in four hours.”And then I send her out the door.Why?Because my in-laws' home has become a need-thwarting or need-frustrating environment. I just don't want to be there.And if I am there, I'm going to be sullen and sulky. I might try my best for half an hour and then say, “Oh, this is too hard,” and retreat—Sarah: Or text. The adult version of misbehavior.Dr. Justin: Yes, exactly. Exactly.But if I'm a child in a need-thwarting or need-frustrating environment, I'm going to get into fights with the kids I don't like.Or I'm going to say, “I don't want to go to school because everyone picks on me because I don't regulate my behavior properly because I've got ADHD.”Right?So school becomes a place I don't want to go.Or maybe you have a faith background and your child doesn't have any friends at church.Or you've signed them up for soccer, but they don't know anyone on the team.And they're saying, “Yeah, but I don't want to go.”It all comes down to relationship.Relationship is the basic psychological need that's being thwarted.Now, the second basic psychological need is competence.Competence, I would describe as feeling like I can do the thing I'm being asked to do.Sarah: Or that I want to do.Dr. Justin: Yeah. We'll get to want to in just a second, because want-to is the third basic psychological need—autonomy.So stay with me on competence for a second.Competence is capability. Capacity.It's not even necessarily about being able to do something—it's about feeling like you're making progress toward the goal.Let's say I'm joining acrobatics and trying to learn how to do a handstand.That's really tricky. It's a tough skill.If I show up every week to acrobatics, even if I've got great friends there—so my relationship need is supported—and I love my coach, but every time I try to do a handstand my shoulders buckle, my elbows aren't straight, my form is wrong, I fall over, or I can't stay up…After four or five or six weeks, I'm going to say:“I don't like this anymore. I'm out.”I had a daughter who wanted to come cycling with me.I'm a really keen cyclist. I ride on the road. I'm a middle-aged man in Lycra.But I also ride on the velodrome.You've seen those velodrome bikes at the Olympics—the indoor track where they go around and around and around.You might have noticed that after they finish the race, they keep pedaling and do another 10 laps.The reason is twofold.Number one: there are no brakes on those bikes.And second: they use what's called a fixed gear, meaning that when the wheels are spinning, the pedals are spinning.If you stop pedaling, you're going to get thrown over the handlebars because the wheels are still moving, which means the pedals are still moving, even if you try to stop them.So you just have to keep riding until the bike slows down.My daughter wanted to come to Friday night velodrome racing with me.We didn't have the money, but we spent all this cash on a bike, the Lycra, the helmet, the special shoes—it cost a lot, and I was a poor university student.But my daughter wanted to cycle with me, and I wasn't going to miss that opportunity. So we sacrificed and made it happen.Unfortunately, she was competing against girls who had been riding for four, five, or six years.For the first few weeks, she gave it a good go, but she was losing by several laps every race.After about a month, she said:“Dad, I don't want to do this anymore.”And my response was:“But I've spent all this money.”But what was really going on was that as much as she liked the girls and the atmosphere, she didn't feel competent—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —and she didn't see progress.She didn't feel like she was ever going to master the activity, so her motivation and wellbeing plummeted.Cycling became a need-thwarting environment for her.Whether it's piano, violin, rock climbing, cycling, swimming, math, PE class—it doesn't matter.If your kids don't feel like they can do the thing, they're going to push back.They're going to say:“This is too hard. I don't like it.”They won't use these exact words, but what they're really saying is:“This is a need-frustrating environment for me. I don't like it. I don't want to be there.”And then they start to act out.My mom got to the stage with me as a 13-year-old boy where she was physically holding me by the arm and dragging me into my piano lessons.Dr. Justin: Which brings me to my third and final basic psychological need, which is autonomy.A lot of people hear the word autonomy and think it means freedom—that kids can do whatever they want. They think it means independence.That's not what autonomy means, certainly not in the strict scientific form we're talking about within this theory.Rather, autonomy comes down to identifying the value of an activity and therefore endorsing the actions required to do the activity.See, if I, as a 12-year-old, looked at piano and thought:This is going to be a lifelong skill that will bring me joy, that I'll be able to share with others, that I can use in service of my family and community. If I can play piano or keyboard, I could be in a band. I could do all of these things.If I identified the value in the activity, then I would endorse the work required to learn it.So autonomy is not about freedom and independence. It's about choice based on values.That's a lot when you're thinking about three-, four-, and five-year-olds, but not necessarily—Sarah: No, I love that.We talk about that all the time in my communities—how important it is for kids to have autonomy.And I think you can have autonomy even when kids can't be independent, right?Because you can't have a four-year-old who's independent, but you can have a four-year-old who can make decisions that matter.Dr. Justin: Yes, yes.And that decision goes well beyond, Do you want to wear the blue suit or the green one?Sarah: I'll quote our friend Alfie Kohn. He says, “Kids should have the ability to make decisions that make adults gulp a little bit.”Dr. Justin: I love it. Yes. Beautiful.Let me give an adult version of this, and then I'll swing it back into childhood, because sometimes parents hear this and think, This isn't quite computing for me.In Canada, you drive on the right-hand side of the road.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And it's true that if you choose to drive on the left-hand side of the road, the authorities will probably get involved. You may cause harm to somebody. You could even end up in prison.But even in the middle of the night, when nobody's on the road, I can't imagine there are too many Canadians who get in the car and think:Tonight's the night. Nobody's watching. I'm gonna drive on the left.You are being absolutely controlled by the government and by the law. You're driving on the right-hand side of the road.But because you identify the value in driving on the right-hand side of the road, nobody has to compel you to do it.You just do it because you endorse the idea that driving on the right is safer. It's what you need to do.So our job with our children is twofold.First, when it comes to these basic psychological needs, we want to help them be in environments—or create environments—where those needs are supported.We want to send them to a school where they have good relationships, where somebody says, “Hey, come sit with us,” where teachers know them by name and smile when they see them and are excited to support them.A school where they're able to experience progress—which might mean less emphasis on grades and more emphasis on developing capability.And a school where they feel like they have some say in where they're going and what they're doing.Rather than being forced to attend a school like I was when I was a teenager, they get to say:“No, I want to go to that school because that's where my friends are.”Or:“That's where the teachers help me feel good.”Or:“That's where my interests lie.”That's the basic psychological-needs concept.Now let's bring that into discipline, which is what started this whole conversation.Based on this theory—and I guess it ties back to a lot of what Alfie Kohn has said as well—I developed a little model that's really easy to memorize and even easier to enact.I call it the Three E's of Effective Discipline.The Three E's of Effective Discipline are need-supportive.If you look at the root of the word discipline, it comes from the idea that we teach, guide, and instruct—that we show the way to follow.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: But if you look at the modern definition of discipline, the modern definition is punish.Punish means exact retribution. It means hurt. It means make someone pay a price.Sarah: Make people feel bad on purpose.Dr. Justin: Yeah. That's exactly right.And I'm interested in disciplining our kids, not punishing our kids.Punishment is need-thwarting, right?If you make someone feel bad on purpose, there goes the relationship. They feel incompetent, and you've taken away their autonomy.So standard discipline strategies—whether it's time-out, spanking, yelling, withdrawing privileges, taking away the iPad, bribery—all of those standard discipline practices trample over basic psychological needs.We've got to come up with something better.So I developed the Three E's of Effective Discipline, which are basically this:On a beautiful bed of empathy, we explore, we explain, and we empower.Sarah: Ooh, I love that.Dr. Justin: Explore basically means I sit down with my child at an appropriate time.Because we always try to fix things right here, right now.Sometimes we need to, but often intervention simply to make sure people and property aren't hurt—that's all you need.Then you can say to your child:“We'll have a chat about this later when nobody's got a head full of steam.”Kick it down the road.You don't have to fix things right here, right now. Most of the time, it's just not necessary.So once everyone is calm, you explore.You say:“Hey, I've noticed there's been a lot of tension in our home lately between you and your brother.”Or:“Have you noticed that for the last few weeks we've had so much conflict about screens?”And your child says, “Yeah.”And you say:“I just want to listen because parenting's about parents, right? I must be getting something wrong here. Can you help me understand what I'm missing? Where am I going wrong? What's the real problem from your perspective?”Now, there are three things that make this better.Number one: never do it with an audience.Kids always want to save face. They don't feel competent when we start these conversations in front of other people.Number two: have some treats.Because once you're feeding them, they're like:“Oh, I'm not in trouble. We're just chatting, and there are cookies,” or a thick shake, or something like that.And number three: take notes.When you're trying to solve problems—and that's really what discipline is—The Three E's of Effective Discipline are about problem-solving.Discipline—meaning helping, teaching, guiding, instructing—is really about solving problems.So if I want to solve problems effectively in my home—if I want to discipline my children well—I'm trying to say:“Where are you coming from? What am I missing?”When you take notes on what your kids are saying, it's amazing how much information they give you because they realize:You're really listening to me.Sarah: Yeah. You're taking me seriously. You're writing down what I say.Dr. Justin: They're blown away by it.So they'll tell you a bunch of stuff.Now, every now and then they won't. Sometimes they'll shrug and say, “I don't know.”And you can say:“Well, if you don't know, that's fine. But if you did know…”This drives kids crazy, but it's my favorite sentence.“If you did know, what do you think the answer would be?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And they roll their eyes.“Well, I don't know. That's what I said. If I knew, I'd tell you, but I don't know.”And I say:“I know you don't know, and I understand that if you did know, you would tell me. But if you did know, what would you tell me?”Sarah: I love that.Dr. Justin: They get this feeling—it's like this horrible psychological trick where:I don't know the answer, but if I had to come up with one, I guess I'd say this…And now the conversation starts.You get momentum.Sarah: You Jedi mind-trick them.Dr. Justin: Yeah. It's beautiful.And you write it down.At no point are you allowed to interrupt.At no point are you allowed to tell them they're wrong.At no point are you allowed to respond with your adult wisdom.You just listen.Sarah: Okay, and we're still on explore?Still on the first E?Dr. Justin: We're still on the first E.You make all these notes, and once it sounds like they've told you everything, you say:“All right. So what you're telling me is…”And then you read the notes back.This is the oldest psychological strategy in the book—I'm not saying anything new here.If they say, “Yes, that's what I'm saying,” you say:“All right. Great. I've got it.”If they say no, then you say:“Oh, what have I missed? How did I get this wrong? Clarify it for me.”And they give you more information.But there's a really valuable question at the end.When they say, “Yes, that's what I'm saying,” you ask:“Fantastic. Is there anything else?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: The power of asking that extra question is profound.It forces them to go deeper.Sometimes they'll say, “No, that's it.”But often, their first answers are shallow answers to get you off their back.They're thinking:I'm telling you what I think you want to hear.But when you say:“Got it. You're happy with this answer? Fantastic. Is there anything else going on?”That's when they look at you and think:Oh—you're actually serious about this. You really care.Sarah: And you're really listening to me.Dr. Justin: Yeah.And it's profound what children will give you after you ask, “Is there anything else?”Once you've got everything written down, confirmed, and you're clear, the next step is explain.Dr. Justin: Now, there are a couple of things around explain.Explain is basically the part where you tell them what they need to know. This is the parent bit.But all too often, we step into lecturing, and the kids fall asleep. They're like, “Oh, here we go again. I thought this was going to be different, but it's no different after all.”So there are a couple of things we need to get right here.Number one: if you're going to explain anything to your children, my recommendation is that you keep it to less than 20 seconds.Now, there's no science around this. This is just my experience in talking with parents and kids in my own family. I find that if you talk for more than 10 to 20 seconds, kids really do tune out, and it goes back to the way things have always been.The second thing is that I always ask permission.“Now that I've listened to you, Sarah, there are just one or two things I'd love to run by you about what's going on. Do you mind if I do that?”I want to make this absolutely clear: as a parent, you do not need your child's permission to tell them things. I really, absolutely, honestly believe that. As the parent, you have the right to tell them stuff they need to know.But this isn't about rights. This is about effectiveness.If I launch into, “Well, Sarah, now that I've listened to that, I get it, but I need to tell you these two things,” I'm already bringing defensiveness back into the relationship.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Barriers are coming up.Whereas if I say, “Sarah, this is so helpful. As I've listened to you, two things have come to mind. Do you mind if I share both of those with you?” Your instant response, even as I say it—I'm watching your face—Sarah: I'm nodding.Dr. Justin: And you're going—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: Yeah. I actually want to know.You're opening up your heart and mind to me, and we're just role-playing this.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And that's what our kids do. They're like, “Oh, okay.” Because we've given them the courtesy of listening—Sarah: Well, and you're not trying to use your power over them.Dr. Justin: Exactly.This is a non-coercive, really supportive conversation.And I still haven't had this happen. A lot of parents will say, “Well, what happens if they say no?”And I'm like, “I've raised six kids, and they've never actually looked at me and said, ‘Now that I think about it, no, I don't need to know anything that you…'”They've just never done it.But even if they did—Sarah: Well, if they do, it's probably that they're—what did you say? When emotions are high, intelligence is low. Maybe it wasn't the right time to have the conversation.If they're saying no, then they're probably still angry and holding onto whatever was going on for them.Dr. Justin: Exactly.But if they're that angry, they're probably not going to have explored nicely with you anyway.Sarah: Yes, exactly. So pick—Dr. Justin: A different time.You're probably not even going to—Sarah: Get to that point. Yeah.Dr. Justin: So it's very much: keep it really short, ask permission, and then share.Sarah: Okay. So give me examples.You said, “We've been fighting about screens,” was one example. You also gave the example of, “You've been fighting a lot with your brother.”So in the explain—10 to 20 seconds—choose one of those scenarios. After hearing your child, what would you say in that 10 to 20 seconds?Dr. Justin: I did this just the other day with my 16-year-old daughter, Lily, who is on social media more than she should be. There's been some tension and conflict.I listened. She shared some ideas, and I said, “There are just a couple of things I want to run by you. Is that okay?”She said, “Sure, Dad.”I said, “Great. There are certain times when we're trying to connect or have family time, and there are certain contexts where you're on your device and we just can't reach you.”She looked at me and said, “Yeah, I know.”I said, “Okay. The second thing I want to highlight is that we've noticed you're sleeping in because, even though you're not supposed to, you've been taking your phone into your bedroom at night and staying up late scrolling. Unless I'm reading it wrong, I'm pretty sure that's what's been happening.”And she said, “No, I have been, Dad. You're right.”So it's just two really succinct sentences where I'm stating what I'm seeing. I'm sharing my experience.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: If it were the sibling fighting, I'd say, “Yeah, your brother is really annoying. I get what's going on. Sometimes I wish he didn't live in our house as well.”I might have a joke with them about the challenge associated with that.And then I might say, “So when this happens, can I just share how it feels for me? It breaks my heart. I love both of you so very much, and my dream is for our family to enjoy being in one another's company and to look forward to conversations and jokes and doing the things we do. When this stuff is going on, it feels like that's a pipe dream.“And secondly, psychologically—you know I've got this PhD in psychology—I know that there's damage being done to the way your brother feels about himself. That's what I'm worried about.”So I've had both of those little conversations on two different topics, sharing two different things, and both were about 10 seconds each.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Again, it's conversational. It's not lecture-style.Sarah: And it's from the heart.I can feel it, even though this is just an example you're giving. I can feel that it's from your heart—that you're really being open and sharing with your child what your true concerns are.You're not trying to power over or control. You're really sharing a heartfelt sentiment.Dr. Justin: Yeah. Thank you. That's the goal.You won't always do that, but that's the goal.The reason there's a problem is because your values are not being upheld in the home, and you're trying to communicate that in a way that shows you honor them and that they've got a brain.Now, we've used two really grown-up versions—or teenage versions, I guess. But you can have the same conversations with three- and four-year-olds. It's just shorter. It's simpler.Usually, with those conversations, in a pretty tight timeframe—60 to 90 seconds—you've done the whole process.There is a higher-order—Sarah: Okay, so what's the third part?Dr. Justin: Just before I get to that one, if you really want to do the advanced version of explain, what I'll often do after I've explored with my child is say:“Okay, so this is the bit where I'd normally explain what's going on from my point of view. I wonder if you can tell me what you think I'm going to say here.”Sarah: Ah.Dr. Justin: And so I get them to explain the explain to me.The reason that's so effective is that whenever my mouth is the one that's moving, my brain is the one that's working.If I can get their mouth moving, their brain is doing the heavy lifting.Sarah: Love that.Dr. Justin: That's really, really effective.And then the last one—Sarah: Is empower.And you're also helping them see things and develop empathy, right? To see things from somebody else's perspective.Dr. Justin: Yes. Powerful.The last one is empower.That's literally as simple as saying, “Okay, so I get where you're coming from. We've had that conversation very thoroughly. You know what my challenge is here. What do you think we should do?”“Where do we go from here? How do we solve this in a way that we can both feel good about?”It's true that every now and then, your child will shrug their shoulders and say, “I don't know.”Or they'll shrug and say, “Well, we should just do what I want to do.”And as a parent, that's where you step in and say my favorite line:“Don't you just wish? Don't you just wish we could?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Because—well, let me ask you, Sarah. When I say, “Don't you just wish,” or, “Wouldn't it be good if we could?”—same thing—what have I actually said?Sarah: Total empathy. Heaps of empathy.Dr. Justin: Total empathy.But I've also said something else really clearly.Sarah: That that's not going to work.Dr. Justin: Correct. The answer is no.But it's a no with so much love, kindness, empathy, and gentleness in it—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —that your child goes, “Oh, yeah. I know.”And then you say, “So let's see if we can come up with a solution that will work.”What else might work for you when it comes to your brother?What else might work for you when it comes to the party on Friday night that I'm not willing to let you go to?What else could work when it comes to our screen challenges? Because this is an ongoing issue for us, isn't it?Every now and then, you won't get an answer right away. You'll say, “Well, let's talk about it again tonight,” or, “Let's talk about it again tomorrow once you've had some time to think about it.”But I'm big on deadlines.“We need to have this worked out by the end of the weekend, okay? I don't want to go through another week of this. We've got to find a solution. If we haven't had another chat by tomorrow night, we're going to sit down and work it out then.”And I also don't have a problem at this point—Laura Walker is a researcher at BYU in Utah, and she did a study published in the Journal of Adolescence where she found that parents who use these kinds of strategies—she's not talking about the Three E's of Effective Discipline, because that's the thing I developed, but it's based on the same sort of theory that she researches—Parents who use these kinds of strategies, even when they do have to step in and say, “All right, well, we haven't come up with a solution, so it's going to be my way,” kids are much more likely to be responsive and compliant—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —because we've been through a process with them that is not autocratic. It's not authoritarian.They've felt like they had a voice. Their perspective has been seen and heard. They've had some input.And even though they don't get what they want all the time—because we're the parents, and sometimes the fact that we've climbed 47 rungs on the ladder of life and they've only climbed 13 is all we need.Sarah: That's what I call in my work the goodwill bank.When your kids experience you as collaborative, non-coercive, and not power-tripping—when they know, over the period of their childhood, that they can trust you to take their preferences into account and be respectful of them—then when you do have to say no about something, even if they don't like it, there's this goodwill bank behind you and this level of trust.When you mentioned, “You can't go to the party on Friday,” I never had that issue with my kids because everything was so collaborative.We'd have similar conversations. I didn't have—I'm not very good at thinking of things like the Three E's—but similar kinds of processes where they'd say why they wanted to go, I'd say what my concerns were, and then they'd invariably say, “Oh, yeah, you're probably right.”It was never, “You can't go.”It was, “These are my concerns. This is what I've been thinking about.”Because they experienced that whole process over years of parenting, you don't get the pushback because they don't feel like you're power-tripping them.Dr. Justin: Yeah.Sarah, I had an experience with one of my adult children who was still living at home. I think she was maybe 19 or 20 when this happened.She wanted to go and do something, and I said to her, “You're an adult. You do get to choose for yourself whether you will do this or not, but I've got some really big concerns about you doing it.“I actually think you're putting yourself into a dangerous situation. There's some history, some volatility, and some challenges if you go and involve yourself in this particular activity. Tell me why this is so important to you.”So she walked me through it, and I said, “Okay, I get it. How do my concerns stack up against your desire to be there?”And she said, “Dad, I get what you're saying, but I want to go.”And I said, “Okay, so…”You used that beautiful term, the goodwill bank. I can't remember exactly what my words were, but I'm going to use your term right now, because I essentially said:“I'm going to use the goodwill I've built up with you over the last however many years and step in really firmly and say you're making a mistake.“As your dad, even though you're an adult, I want to forbid you to go. That's how strongly I feel about this. To the degree that I can, I forbid it.“Ultimately, you will choose because you are an adult, but I don't want you there.”Sarah: I'm going on the record.Dr. Justin: Yeah, yeah.“I need you to trust that this is a bad idea. We can come up with any number of other activities you could do instead, with different people in a different location, but this is a bad idea, and you have none of my support should you go.“If you go and something goes wrong, you call me and I'll come rescue you. But it is a bad idea, and I forbid it.”And I couldn't believe I was saying those words. I've never said them in my life, and now I was saying them to an adult.But she looked at me and said, “Okay.”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: She didn't fight me. She didn't say, “I can do what—”Sarah: No, because you built up the history with her of how she experienced you.Dr. Justin: Yeah. She was like, “Wow, this is serious. He's never said that before. If he feels that strongly, maybe he's right. Maybe I need to find an alternative.”So anyway, that's the Three E's of Effective Discipline.I feel like I've talked too much, Sarah. I wanted to be much more conversational, but I get carried away when we—Sarah: No, no. I love it.I feel like it's very complementary to the things that I teach, and you've given me some new things to teach parents as well.I love having sort of snappy—the Three E's of Discipline. I think that's great. I love it. I'll share it.Dr. Justin: Yeah, please. Absolutely.It's helped so many millions of parents.Sarah: Yeah.Well, I love that we've connected across the world—from the other side of the world to each other—and I look forward to hopefully talking to you again in March of 2027 when your book Boys comes out.I figured we were going to talk about that, but we had such a lovely conversation about peaceful parenting, discipline, and—oh my God, it's gone right out of my head—Dr. Justin: Self-determination theory.Sarah: Self-determination theory.I think it was a really great conversation, and I really appreciate you sharing all of your experience and wisdom.Dr. Justin: I loved the conversation.Like I said, it was too one-sided. I wish we'd been able to go backward and forward a bit more, but let's do it again.Let's chat again next year when the book comes out, and we'll talk about boys and how to help them.There's so much talk about toxic masculinity.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Wouldn't it be great if we could give them a view of healthy masculinity—a model of that to follow?That's what my book is all about: how we can guide boys into a healthy form of masculinity.Sarah: Well, for folks in Australia, your book is coming out in June 2026. For folks in North America, it's not coming out until spring 2027.So I will definitely be ringing you up and having you come back on to talk about the book when you've got your North American release. I know we're going to have a great conversation then.Before I let you go, though, I have a question that I ask all my podcast guests:If you had a time machine and you could go back and tell your younger parent self something, what advice would you give yourself?Dr. Justin: Jean-Jacques Rousseau said there is—I can't remember the quote exactly—but: What wisdom is there that is greater than kindness?I've paraphrased it. It's not perfect, but it's something along those lines.Interestingly, Rousseau had, I think, five children—maybe six—and he put them all into orphanages somewhere in the first 18 months of their lives so he could spend more time writing and focusing on how to be a good person, which I just find criminal. I can't believe it.So take it for what it's worth, but “What wisdom is there that's greater than kindness?” is what Rousseau said.I've mentioned this idea of soft eyes a couple of times. If I could go back, I would teach myself about kindness. I'd teach myself about many of the things we've talked about today.But I just want to quickly share the story of soft eyes.As an academic, I want everything I say to be evidence-based. There is no evidence that I'm aware of where people have done any kind of randomized controlled trial where parents are asked to interact with their children with soft eyes, neutral eyes, hard eyes, or anything like that.Soft eyes is this idea—I was giving a presentation at a public library one time, and an elderly lady stepped into the back of the room, sat down, and listened to the last 25 or 30 minutes of my presentation. She must have liked what she could hear from the corridor outside, and she stepped in to listen.After everybody had left, she walked over to me and said, “I really enjoyed what you shared. I'd love to tell you something my grandmother said to me.”So we're going back into the early 1900s.Her grandmother said, “Whenever you're talking to your children about matters of discipline, make sure you have soft eyes.”And I thought, I really like that.Because if you try to have a conversation with somebody and your eyes are soft, you just can't say mean things. You can't say harsh things. You can't have harsh thoughts.If you soften your eyes, your face softens and your heart softens. You have this beautiful compassion and kindness, this ability to see the best in them rather than the worst in them, to assume positive intent.There's something gorgeous about soft eyes.So I would go back and quote Rousseau better than I just quoted him to you, and I would tell my younger self that soft eyes will make a tremendous impact on all of my relationships.Sarah: Ah.There's an American—I don't know if you've heard of him in Australia—but he's a pretty well-known marriage counselor, Terry Real.Dr. Justin: Oh, yeah. I quote him in my book.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. He does a lot of work about—well, he says something like, “There's nothing that harshness can accomplish that kindness can't accomplish better.”Dr. Justin: That's so beautiful.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Thank you. That's inspiring. I'm so glad you shared that.Sarah: Yeah. I love it.It's hard to remember, but I think it is true. And I wish that—and I know the world needs a dose of that right now.Dr. Justin: Yeah. Yeah.Sarah: One hundred percent.Well, thank you so much.Where's the best place for folks to go and find out more about you and what you do?Dr. Justin: Probably my podcast, the Happy Families Podcast. My wife and I drop a 15-minute nugget of parenting wisdom every day, five days a week.Sarah: Oh, wow!Dr. Justin: Yeah. It's a lot of content, but it's bite-sized chunks, and it's entertaining. We're fun. We get to do it together.And the Happy Families Podcast. I've got a website called happyfamilies.com.au, but basically, if you like what we've talked about—Sarah: We'll link to all of that in the show notes. We'll link to your website and your podcast, and I'm sure it's easy to find you.Dr. Justin: That sounds great. Thanks, Sarah.Sarah: Thank you so much.Dr. Justin: What a great, great conversation. Lovely to be with you.Reimagine Peaceful Parenting with Sarah Rosensweet Substack is a reader-supported publication. 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What if the way we talk about “harmful words” is actually making kids more fragile? In this thought-provoking Doctor’s Desk episode, Justin Coulson and Kylie Coulson unpack brand-new research exploring whether believing words are harmful changes our resilience, mental health, and parenting. From social media comments to playground insults, this conversation dives into the uncomfortable tension between empathy and emotional toughness — and asks whether protecting kids from hard words might actually leave them less prepared for the real world. If you’ve ever wondered how to help your child cope with criticism, bullying, or hurtful comments without becoming emotionally overwhelmed, this episode is essential listening. KEY POINTS New research reveals a strong link between believing words are harmful and lower emotional resilience Why empathy and emotional fragility can sometimes go hand-in-hand How “concept creep” may be expanding what we label as trauma The hidden danger of teaching kids they’re emotionally breakable Why resilience starts with helping children interpret words differently The powerful parenting question: “Would you take advice from that person?” How parents can validate feelings without reinforcing victimhood Why difficult conversations may strengthen kids more than shielding them QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The way we perceive words — and the weight we give them — is ultimately ours to decide.” RESOURCES The “Words Can Harm Scale” research study by Samuel Pratt, Peyton Jones and colleagues Watch Your Words [Article] When Your Child is Bullied: A Calm, Practical Guide for Parents [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Teach children that feelings matter, but words do not define them Help kids separate criticism from identity Encourage resilience by discussing difficult social situations openly Ask: “Would you go to that person for advice?” before taking their criticism personally Model emotional regulation when you encounter hurtful comments yourself Focus on building competence, connection, and autonomy at home See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

AI isn’t just helping your kids with homework - it’s shaping who they trust, how they think, and what they feel. In this eye-opening conversation, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with Chris McKenna from Protect Young Eyes to unpack what most parents are missing about screens, social media, and the explosive rise of AI. This isn’t about screen time. It’s about attachment, influence, and a digital world that’s moving faster than families can keep up. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, outpaced, or unsure what actually matters anymore - this episode will change how you parent in a tech-saturated world. KEY POINTS Why focusing on “screen time” is distracting parents from bigger risks The hidden shift from attention to emotional attachment in AI How chatbots are designed to pull kids back in - and keep them there Why government restrictions aren’t enough to keep kids safe The real reason screen battles keep happening at home The two strategies every parent must balance: relational vs technical How building “digital trust” reduces conflict and increases influence Why modelling your own tech habits matters more than rules QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Social media came for their attention. AI is coming for their affection.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Protect Young Eyes Five Habits of a Tech-Ready Family by Chris McKenna Jonathan Haidt’s After Babel blog ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Shift your focus from screen time to what your child is experiencing and who they’re connecting with Start proactive conversations about AI - don’t wait until there’s a problem Build digital trust through regular, calm, curiosity-led chats Reduce unnecessary devices and access points in your home Clearly define boundaries - and the path to earning more freedom Model healthy tech use consistently (they’re watching more than listening) Balance technical controls (filters, limits) with relational connection See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When life gets overwhelming, even good people become hard to live with. In this deeply honest episode, Justin and Kylie open up about the pressure, stress, snapping, guilt, and emotional overload that can quietly take over family life — especially when the mental load becomes too heavy to carry well. From impossible deadlines and overflowing to-do lists to the simple reset strategies that actually help, this conversation is a powerful reminder that productivity means nothing if it costs you your relationships. If you’ve ever felt short-tempered, emotionally unavailable, constantly “on edge,” or like your family gets the worst version of you… this episode will hit close to home. KEY POINTS Why overwhelm makes us less patient, kind, and emotionally available The hidden cost of “pushing through” stress How emotional bandwidth affects family relationships Simple ways to reset when you’re close to breaking point Why movement, sleep, connection, breathing, and nutrition matter more than we think The surprising productivity boost that comes from slowing down QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Stop being a human doing and remember how it feels to be a human being.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson 4-7-8 breathing technique happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause for 5–10 minutes before pushing harder Go outside, move your body, or reconnect with someone you love Prioritise sleep, hydration, and proper meals during stressful seasons Notice when your overwhelm is spilling onto your family Replace “powering through” with small moments of regulation and connection See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A teddy bear that talks. Comforts your child. Learns their secrets. Sounds harmless… until you hear what it’s actually teaching them. In this eye-opening Doctor’s Desk episode, Justin Coulson unpacks the terrifying rise of AI-powered toys for toddlers and preschoolers — including new research showing these “smart” toys may be emotionally dismissive, developmentally harmful, and collecting deeply personal data from children as young as three. If you’ve ever been tempted by an AI toy that promises learning, comfort, or companionship, this episode is essential listening. Because the biggest risk may not be screen time… it may be replacing human connection. KEY POINTS Why AI toys for toddlers are already raising major red flags The disturbing responses researchers heard from AI-powered toys How AI may interfere with emotional and language development The hidden privacy risks parents aren’t being told about Why “educational” tech products often prioritise profit over children What young kids actually need for healthy development QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Your children do not need AI toys. Humans will trump AI always, in every way.” RESOURCES MENTIONED OpenAI AI toy “Gabo” discussed in research from University of Cambridge Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Avoid AI-powered toys for young children Prioritise real human interaction over “smart” technology Read privacy policies before introducing connected devices into your home Pay attention to how tech responds to children’s emotions and communication Trust your instincts when something feels “off” about a product marketed to kids See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your child’s brain is being shaped right now — and screens may be changing it faster than most parents realise. In this confronting but deeply practical conversation, neuroscientist Professor Mark Williams joins Dr Justin Coulson to unpack what excessive screen use is actually doing to developing brains. From dopamine loops and gaming addiction to social disconnection, emotional health, and the alarming changes researchers are seeing in children’s brains, this episode explains why so many parents feel like they’re losing their kids to devices — and what they can do about it. You’ll hear the simple question Mark asks his own son to check whether gaming is becoming a problem, why “educational apps” may not be as educational as parents think, and the small changes that make the biggest difference. If you’ve ever wondered whether screens are really affecting your child… this episode will stay with you. KEY POINTS What “brain rot” really means for children and teens How screens affect white matter and brain development Why dopamine keeps kids glued to devices The hidden problem with “educational” apps The social and emotional skills kids miss online Why face-to-face interaction matters so much for healthy brains Mark Williams’ practical approach to gaming and screen boundaries Why doing the “hard stuff” early makes parenting easier later QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “If you do the easy thing when they’re young, it becomes a whole lot harder when they’re older.” — Professor Mark Williams RESOURCES MENTIONED Screen Smart Children Mark Williams Justin Coulson ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Delay personal devices for as long as realistically possible Prioritise face-to-face connection every day Watch for changes in mood, motivation, and social behaviour after screen use Keep gaming and screen activities balanced with real-world activities Ask yourself regularly: “Is this helping my child thrive offline?” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A 13-year Australian study's findings are shaking the medical world. Children on ADHD medication reported lower quality of life than those who weren’t medicated. In this eye-opening episode, Justin unpacks why the “gold standard” research behind ADHD treatment might have been flawed all along — and what this means for families trying to do what’s best for their kids. This one might make you rethink everything you’ve been told. KEY POINTS The shocking Deakin University study on ADHD medication and child wellbeing. Why “the gold standard” MTA study may have misled the world for decades. How peer review can fail — and how Big Pharma shapes the story. What long-term follow-ups reveal about medication outcomes. Why your child isn’t the problem — and what really needs to change instead. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Your child doesn’t have a problem. Thinking your child is the problem is often the bigger problem.” RESOURCES MENTIONED MTA Study (Multimodal Treatment of ADHD) and 3-year follow-up research. Deakin University longitudinal study on ADHD medication and quality of life. The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson. Parenting ADHD [The Course] + Course FAQs [Article] Help for the Parent with ADHD ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Don’t make changes overnight — start by reading the linked studies. Talk to your child’s GP, psychologist, or psychiatrist about alternative supports. Focus on your child’s environment, not just their behaviour. Trust your gut — if something doesn’t feel right, it’s worth exploring. Remember: grace for your child, yourself, and your professionals. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Conversations with Kristi, Kristi sits down with Dr. Justin Coulson to explore a topic that feels increasingly urgent for parents today: raising boys. Together, they dive into why so many young men are struggling to find their footing and what it actually takes to raise a generation that is resilient, purposeful, and grounded. Dr. Coulson shares his own "failure to launch" story-from failing school to a decade-long radio career before finding his true calling in psychology-and explains why the path to adulthood isn't a race. They unpack the "Hope Theory," the dangers of "vanity careers," and the power of "Autonomy Support," providing a roadmap for parents who want to move from controlling their kids to guiding them. This is a candid, insightful conversation about shifting the narrative for our sons and helping them become men who make the people around them feel "safer and stronger". Content Covered in This Episode The "Crisis of Purpose": Why kids today have more freedom than ever but less direction and resilience. Dr. Coulson's Journey: From the bottom 15% of his class to a PhD in psychology and the "Happy Families" brand. The Value of the Gap Year: Why "earning and learning" through life experiences often leads to more success than rushing straight into university. The 2026 Brain Maturity Update: New research suggesting neurological maturity may not occur until our early 30s. Autonomy Support vs. Control: How to help kids "endorse" rules and values rather than just following them out of fear. The Hope Theory: Breaking down the three essential pillars of hope: Goals, Pathways, and Agency. Screen Time and Lost Potential: The neurological "hijacking" of our youth and how it impacts their ability to discover their values. Healthy Masculinity: Defining a healthy man as someone who helps those around him feel safer and stronger. The "Sunday Chat": A practical family ritual for discussing everything from consent to mental health. Why This Conversation Matters We often expect too much from our little kids and not enough from our teenagers. As Dr. Coulson explains, our job as parents is not to slay the dragons for our children, but to prepare them to be "dragon slayers" themselves. Many young men are failing to thrive because they lack a sense of worthiness derived from doing hard, productive things. By fostering "Autonomy Support," we can guide our children toward financial viability and personal fulfillment without resorting to "victimhood" or blaming external labels for a lack of progress. This conversation challenges parents to step up, have the hard conversations, and model the character we want our children to inherit. About Dr. Justin Coulson Dr. Justin Coulson is one of Australia's most trusted parenting experts. He is the co-host of Channel 9's Parental Guidance, the host of the #1 parenting podcast in Australia (The Happy Families Podcast), and the author of 11 books. After a successful radio career, Justin returned to university as a mature-age student, earning first-class honors in psychology and a PhD. He is a father of six daughters and is dedicated to helping families flourish through evidence-based psychological principles. Connect with Dr. Justin Coulson:Website: www.happyfamilies.com.au Podcast: The Happy Families Podcast New Book: "Boys" Dr. Justin Coulson's latest book, "Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out," is a culmination of four years of work. It provides a framework for raising boys who are confident, kind, and capable of navigating the complexities of modern masculinity. Pre-order Now: Pre-orders are critical for a book's success. You can pre-order your via the Happy Families website happyfamilies.com.au/boys-book-waitlist Practical Support & Resources If this episode has inspired you to start more meaningful conversations with your kids, Kristi provides trauma-informed education and practical tools to help you guide them toward a life they can be proud of.

Nine hours a day. That’s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development—and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia’s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn’t!) do if screen use has taken over your home. KEY POINTS New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids—just for fun, not school. Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction. Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains. These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence. It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "If your child is in a sleep deficit because they’re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." – Dr Brad Marshall RESOURCES MENTIONED The new Macquarie University study on screen overuse Brad’s Developmental Impact Questionnaire Happy Families podcast archive Brad Marshall’s organisation: Control Shift ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Don’t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like “that game is rotting your brain.” It shuts down connection. Don’t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues. Don’t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the “screen talk” when everyone’s calm. Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child’s experience. Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A viral parenting moment shocked the internet - but what if the real problem isn’t the child… it’s the response? When a young girl’s bullying leads to a harsh, fear-based punishment, millions applaud the dad’s reaction. But beneath the surface, there’s a deeper, more uncomfortable truth most parents are missing. In this episode, we unpack what actually works when kids act out - and why fear, shame, and punishment can quietly make things worse. If you’ve ever felt the urge to come down hard on your child… this conversation might change everything. KEY POINTS Why viral parenting advice is often dangerously misleading The difference between accountability and fear-based discipline How harsh reactions can damage trust, safety, and connection The hidden reasons behind “bullying” behaviour in kids Why empathy - not punishment - is the key to real behaviour change How parents can model the very behaviour they want to see QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Big people don’t win by overpowering kids - we win by helping them understand.” RESOURCES MENTIONED 21 Days to a Happier Family by Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause before reacting - your response shapes the outcome Get curious about the why behind your child’s behaviour Lead with connection before correction Help your child step into someone else’s shoes Create safety so your child can open up - not shut down See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A song lyric stopped us in our tracks… and turned into one of the most powerful parenting conversations we’ve ever had. In this episode, a casual car ride, a classic song, and a teen’s perspective collide, revealing how differently our kids see relationships, accountability, and respect. If you’ve ever struggled to start “the talk” (or worried you’re doing it wrong), this episode will change everything. Because the best conversations don’t start with scripts… they start with moments. KEY POINTS Why we overcomplicate “big talks” with our kids The surprising power of everyday moments (music, movies, car rides) What one teen girl noticed in a famous song lyric - and why it matters The difference between explaining behaviour and excusing it How to build trust so kids want to talk to you Why timing and tone matter more than the “perfect words” QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Big conversations don’t need big moments — they just need small openings.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Consent Can’t Wait campaign Boys by Dr Justin Coulson (releasing June - preorder now) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Use what’s already around you - songs, shows, social media - as conversation starters Keep it short and low-pressure (think 10 minutes, not a lecture) Let your child lead when possible - curiosity beats control Ask more questions than you answer Revisit conversations later to deepen understanding Focus on connection first, correction second See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if the real problem isn’t “toxic masculinity”… but that we’ve stopped showing boys what healthy masculinity actually looks like? In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with educator Andre Casson to unpack what boys really need to thrive - and why so many are currently missing it. From values and discipline to role models and connection, this episode challenges the narrative around boys and offers a clearer, stronger path forward. If you’re raising a boy, this is essential listening. KEY POINTS Why the “toxic masculinity” conversation is missing the mark The 5 core values that shape strong, grounded young men How schools and parents must work together (not separately) The hidden reason boys disengage - and how to turn it around Why discipline and doing hard things builds self-worth The critical role of male role models and peer influence How to raise boys who make others feel safer and stronger QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Healthy men help the people around them feel safer and stronger.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out by Dr. Justin Coulson Keeping Safe Child Protection Curriculum Happy Families website & parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Create regular, low-pressure moments for conversation (car rides are gold) Model your values consistently - don’t just talk about them Encourage your son to do hard things (this builds real confidence) Show up and engage with your child’s school and community Surround your son with positive male role models Focus on who your son is becoming - not just what he achieves See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Interest rate rises & how it's effecting you Matt's wife got hit on Abby's getting old DNA or DATING - the one that got away Justin Coulson on parenting & into the manosphere Are we scraping the bottom of the barrel? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens in the moment a child finally says something is wrong? For many children experiencing abuse, it takes years to speak up - if they ever do. And when they finally tell someone, the response they receive can shape the rest of their healing. In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with body-safety educator and survivor John Cardamone about what children actually need to feel safe enough to disclose abuse - and the critical mistakes adults often make in the first moments after a child tells them. John shares his own experience of abuse as a child, the two years it took him to speak up, and the simple but life-changing framework every parent should know if a child ever confides in them. This is a difficult topic - but one every parent needs to understand. KEY POINTS Most children who experience sexual abuse know the person involved. Many children try to disclose through behaviour before words. Kids are far more likely to speak up when they feel safe, connected, and heard in everyday moments. The way parents respond to small problems trains children whether it’s safe to share bigger ones. Traditional “stranger danger” messaging can miss the reality that abuse is usually committed by someone known to the child. Body safety education should be ongoing, simple, and part of everyday conversation. A parent’s first response to a disclosure can either start the healing process or deepen the trauma. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The way you respond to a disclosure can either start the healing process… or prolong the trauma.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Website: johncardamone.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Create safety in everyday moments. How you respond to spilled milk, mistakes, or bad behaviour teaches children whether it’s safe to talk to you. Talk about body safety regularly. Make it an ongoing conversation rather than a single serious talk. Focus on “strange behaviours,” not just strangers. Most abuse happens with someone the child knows. If a child discloses something difficult, stay calm. Children mirror the emotional reactions of adults. Follow the “BeCalmer” approach. Be calm Believe them Acknowledge what they said Validate their feelings See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s the parenting trend everyone’s talking about — and it might be doing more harm than good. “FAFO parenting” (mess around and find out) is being framed as the antidote to gentle parenting. Tougher. Harder. No-nonsense. Let kids face the consequences and toughen up. But here’s the problem: when parenting swings from one extreme to another, kids don’t get stronger — they get disconnected. In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson unpacks where FAFO parenting came from, why it’s exploding across media in the UK, US and Australia, and what it reveals about our cultural moment. Most importantly, he explains why harsh, hands-off “let them learn the hard way” parenting quietly erodes the very thing children need most: security and connection. If you’re feeling burnt out, frustrated, or tempted to go hardline — listen before you do. KEY POINTS FAFO parenting is a backlash against years of gentle, emotion-focused parenting influenced by thinkers like John Gottman. Parenting trends swing like pendulums — but extremes rarely serve children well. “Mess around and find out” often carries an implicit threat and emotional withdrawal. There’s a difference between natural consequences and punitive, emotionally distant parenting. Children need security, predictability, and autonomy support — not harsh detachment. Connection builds resilience. Disconnection breeds defiance or insecurity. You can hold firm boundaries without being cold or cruel. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “FAFO breaks the connection. And connection is the heart of what makes families tick.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child – John Gottman Parenting ADHD Course – happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause before you punish. Ask: Am I teaching — or reacting? Use natural consequences wisely. Stay warm and present while holding the boundary. Make rules collaboratively where possible. Autonomy increases buy-in. Separate emotions from behaviour. Validate feelings, guide choices. Protect the relationship first. Correction works best when connection is strong. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Australia's leading parenting expert, Justin Coulson, joined 3AW Breakfast.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Some books entertain.Some books inform.And then there are books that unsettle you—and quietly change how you see the world, your kids, and the systems shaping their lives. In this episode, Kylie and I step away from parenting advice (just briefly) to share the books that mattered most to us in 2025. These aren’t light beach reads. They’re confronting, provocative, and deeply relevant for parents raising children in a digital, diagnosed, distracted world. If you love books—and you care about the future your kids are growing up in—this one stays with you. Books & Resources Mentioned Boys — Dr Justin Coulson (join the waitlist to learn more!) Careless People — Sarah Wynn-Williams Searching for Normal — Sami Timimi Essentialism — Greg McKeown The Let Them Theory — Mel Robbins A Thousand Wasted Sundays — Victoria Vanstone Mumming — Victoria Vanstone 1984 — George Orwell Lonesome Dove — Larry McMurtry A Gentleman in Moscow — Amor Towles Greenlights — Matthew McConaughey Parenting ADHD [The Course] My 8 Favourite Books in 2025 [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Choose one book this year that challenges your assumptions—not just your habits Notice what makes you uncomfortable while reading—and sit with it Talk with your partner or teen about what you’re noticing in tech, mental health, and culture Remember: protecting kids starts with seeing the systems shaping them See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Every cry feels urgent. Every opinion feels loud. But what if responding faster isn’t always better? New research reveals something surprising: being responsive matters—but being too responsive might actually make things harder for your baby (and you). In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down a powerful cross-cultural study that challenges popular parenting advice and explains what truly helps babies learn to calm themselves—without neglect, guilt, or extremes. If you’ve ever felt anxious about every sound your baby makes, this episode will change how you listen. KEY POINTS Why faster responses don’t always mean faster soothing What a UK–Uganda study reveals about infant self-regulation The difference between responsiveness and over-responsiveness How parental anxiety transfers directly to babies Why how you respond matters as much as when you respond QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Being responsive helps babies feel safe—but being over-responsive can stop them learning how to soothe themselves.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Research published in Developmental Psychology British Psychological Society (BPS) 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know –by Dr Justin Coulson HappyFamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause before responding—notice the level of distress Respond quickly to real distress, not every murmur Calm yourself first—your baby borrows your nervous system Trust that small pauses can build self-soothing skills Let go of “perfect” responses and aim for attuned ones See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new social media minimum-age laws have landed — and parents are feeling everything from relief to rage. Eight weeks in, are our kids safer… or has nothing changed? In this episode, Justin Coulson unpacks what’s working, what’s failing, and the 3 essential things families must do now to navigate the digital world without losing connection. KEY POINTS Why the ban isn’t about cutting friendships — it’s about removing algorithmic manipulation from kids’ brains What big tech didn’t see coming (and why they’re closing youth accounts fast) The unexpected wins for kids: less anxiety, more freedom, real play The losses: platform migration, VPNs, fake ages, and parent-enabled workarounds Why this is a parent problem, not just a kid problem The 3 actions every family needs to take now QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “We’re not banning friendships. We’re protecting kids from big tech systems designed to manipulate their brains.” RESOURCES GMee Phone (parental control phone) Rebecca Sparrow's free resource for parents: Beginner phones Landline/feature phones as alternative communication strategies Face-to-face play and offline gaming suggestions ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Have the WHY conversation — Kids don’t comply with “because I said so.” Explain algorithms, manipulation, and wellbeing.2. Offer real alternatives — Phones without cameras, offline gaming, playdates, landlines, outdoor time.3. Model digital discipline — If parents doom-scroll, kids will too. Show healthy device habits. LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF: You’re confused or frustrated by the social media ban Your child is begging for social media access You want safer digital habits without isolating kids You want less anxiety, more connection, and more play See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In Part 2 of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's conversation with Dr. Justin Coulson of the Happy Families Podcast, they discuss how couples can prioritize intimacy amidst the demands of parenting. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also tackles what to do when your child walks in on you during an intimate moment, offering age-appropriate language to help children make sense of what they saw without catastrophizing the experience.

In this conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Justin Coulson of the Happy Families Podcast to discuss how our ideas about gender roles undermine genuine connection. The conversation unpacks why women's desire shuts down when sexuality is framed as caregiving, why tolerated sex creates resentment on both sides, and what has to shift if you want to move from dutiful encounters to the kind of passion and intimacy you're both craving.

Kids are begging for e-scooters and e-bikes this Christmas—but the rise in catastrophic injuries tells a very different story. In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down the shocking stats, the hidden dangers, and the conversations every parent must have before saying yes. This is the episode every parent needs to hear before heading to the checkout. KEY POINTS Emergency departments are seeing a surge in serious e-scooter injuries—many life-threatening. Speed, illegal modifications, and lack of helmets are driving the spike. Developmentally, most kids and young teens are not ready for the risks. Laws vary widely across Australia and haven’t caught up to the tech. Pros vs cons: independence vs genuinely dangerous speeds and environments. What parents can do: age limits, non-negotiable rules, and real-world consequences. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Right now we’re running a massive, uncontrolled experiment on our kids’ safety.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Local state road rules for e-bikes and e-scooters Happy Families resources at happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Delay the purchase—ideally until at least age 16. Start small: ensure your child can safely handle a standard bike/scooter first. Set iron-clad rules: helmets, no doubling, no night riding, no road riding, no phone use. Inspect regularly for illegal modifications or unsafe setups. Have the big conversation: talk openly about risks, responsibility, and real-world consequences. Use meaningful, consistent consequences when rules are broken.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey legend,If you've ever looked at the world your kids are growing up in and thought… “How are they meant to thrive in this?” ...  this episode is your lifeline.Screens. Social media. Meltdowns. Pressure. It's a lot, and most of us are just trying to raise kind, confident humans without losing our minds (or our patience) in the process.I'm six months pregnant, deeply curious, and joined by Dr Justin Coulson: co-host of Parental Guidance, author, researcher, and dad of six girls, to unpack what's really going on behind modern parenting.Here's a taste of what you'll get in this conversation:The heartbreaking moment that changed Justin's life forever...get tissues.The truth about screens, social media, and gaming... and how it's quietly stealing our kids' focus, confidence, and connection.A simple 5-step process for handling big emotions (in little humans and grown ones) so you stop firefighting and start actually connecting.The three psychological needs every child must have met to thrive: connection, competence, autonomy. This framework changes everything.The line every child needs to hear most: How to say it... and still hold firm boundaries.The one after-dinner ritual that fast-tracks connection (and peace) at home. Steal it tonight.Why public speaking is a parenting superpower for the next generation:  and how to build it around your dinner table.You'll walk away with practical scripts for emotional moments, clarity on how to protect your kids from screen overwhelm, and a grounded confidence that you're doing better than you think.If this hits home, forward it to a parent who's doing their best in a world that's doing the most. They need this one, too.With love (and a very wiggly bump),BAs always, please don't forget to hit Subscribe! xxx

We’re raising a generation surrounded by noise, opinions, and algorithms — but how do we teach kids to actually think for themselves? Dr Justin Coulson talks with headmaster and author Michael Parker about helping children (and ourselves) escape echo chambers, stretch attention spans, and develop true independent thought in the age of AI and endless scrolling. KEY POINTS: Why attention span is the #1 obstacle to deep thinking How social media and “influencer logic” shape young minds The surprising role of boredom and debate in critical thinking Practical ways to nurture reflection and focus at home Why AI might help—or hurt—our children’s ability to think independently QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Stop listening to the loudest and most extreme voices. Start thinking for yourself.” — Michael Parker RESOURCES MENTIONED: Thinking for Yourself by Michael Parker and Fiona Morrison More parenting insights at happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Stretch your child’s attention span with longer, screen-free activities. Encourage respectful debates and devil’s advocate questions at home. Expose your family to multiple perspectives—especially those you disagree with. Model reflective thinking out loud when you make decisions. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When life forces you to slow down, sometimes that’s exactly what your family needs. In this raw, real “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow,” Justin and Kylie share how a tough week - complete with surgery, surf trips, and kids cooking dinner - led to surprising moments of growth and gratitude. It’s a gentle reminder that slowing down doesn’t mean falling behind. KEY POINTS Why stepping back can strengthen your family The hidden power of sharing the load Teaching kids responsibility through real contribution The mindset shift that turns “I can’t” into “We can” QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Sometimes it’s okay to lay flat on your back and let somebody else carry the load. They usually can—and the world won’t fall apart.” — Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED Minted Kids podcast with Nicole Peterson McKinnon Boys by Dr Justin Coulson (coming 2026) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Let someone else lead for a day. Involve kids in cooking or chores—real, meaningful help. Reflect: where can you slow down before the season speeds up? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A 13-year Australian study has just dropped — and its findings are shaking the medical world. Children on ADHD medication reported lower quality of life than those who weren’t medicated. In this eye-opening episode, Justin unpacks why the “gold standard” research behind ADHD treatment might have been flawed all along — and what this means for families trying to do what’s best for their kids. This one might make you rethink everything you’ve been told. KEY POINTS The shocking new Deakin University study on ADHD medication and child wellbeing. Why “the gold standard” MTA study may have misled the world for decades. How peer review can fail — and how Big Pharma shapes the story. What long-term follow-ups reveal about medication outcomes. Why your child isn’t the problem — and what really needs to change instead. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Your child doesn’t have a problem. Thinking your child is the problem is often the bigger problem.” RESOURCES MENTIONED MTA Study (Multimodal Treatment of ADHD) and 3-year follow-up research. Deakin University longitudinal study on ADHD medication and quality of life. The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson. Parenting ADHD [The Course] + Course FAQs [Article] Help for the Parent with ADHD ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Don’t make changes overnight — start by reading the linked studies. Talk to your child’s GP, psychologist, or psychiatrist about alternative supports. Focus on your child’s environment, not just their behaviour. Trust your gut — if something doesn’t feel right, it’s worth exploring. Remember: grace for your child, yourself, and your professionals. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We’ve been told that “good” parents never take their eyes off their kids — but what if that’s the very thing making childhood (and parenting) harder? In this fascinating chat, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with Lenore Skenazy — New York Times bestselling author of Free Range Kids and co-founder of Let Grow — whose viral act of letting her 9-year-old ride the NYC subway alone sparked a global movement. Fresh from her TED Talk, Why You Should Spend Less Time With Your Kids, Lenore dismantles the “terrible lie” that children can’t handle life on their own — and reveals why the best learning, confidence, and resilience often happen when parents step back. KEY POINTS The fear-driven parenting trap — and how media and culture made “unsupervised” a dirty word. The myth of “better safe than sorry” and why it’s hurting our kids. How independence builds competence (and true confidence). What happens in a child’s brain when they solve problems without adult help. The staggering truth about “stranger danger” and why it’s wildly overblown. How to make it normal again to just open the door and let kids play. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Independence leads to competence — and competence leads to confidence.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Lenore Skenazy’s TED Talk: Why You Should Spend Less Time With Your Kids Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy— New York Times bestseller Let Grow nonprofit: letgrow.org Range by David Epstein ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Open the door. Let your child play or walk somewhere safely on their own. Resist the rescue. When your child faces a small problem, pause before stepping in. Swap “be safe” for “trust yourself.” Let your language build courage, not fear. Talk about freedom. Ask your kids what independence means to them — and listen. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when our kids spend nine hours a day on screens? Dr Justin Coulson sits down with world-leading researcher Professor Jean Twenge (author of Ten Rules for Raising Kids in a High Tech World) to unpack the hidden costs of our always-online culture — and how parents can reclaim calm, connection and control. From brain changes to “go touch grass” moments, Jean shares the science behind tech overload and practical rules that actually work. KEY POINTS: Why social media under 16 is a terrible idea — and why government regulation matters The shocking truth about teens’ 9-hour daily screen time How smartphones reshape childhood: less sleep, less play, less joy The “basic phone” revolution — why dumb phones might just save your child’s brain How to set firm rules (without becoming the enemy) Real-world freedom: why outdoor play is safer than scrolling The single biggest rule every parent should enforce tonight QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “In ten years we’ll look back at giving kids smartphones at age eleven and think — what were we thinking?” — Professor Jean Twenge RESOURCES MENTIONED: Ten Rules for Raising Kids in a High Tech World — Professor Jean Twenge Heads Up Alliance (Australia) Beginner Phones for Tweens & Teens [Free PDF from Rebecca Sparrow] Wait Until 8th Movement The Light Phone Unplugged Parenthood ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: No phones in bedrooms. Ever. Delay social media until at least 16 — ideally later. Swap smartphones for basic phones to keep kids connected, not consumed. Model healthy tech habits — your kids are watching. Encourage real-world independence — let them walk, play, and explore offline. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When your child has to come first—whether it’s up the stairs or at bedtime—it can drive the whole family mad. But there’s more behind that competitiveness than you might think. In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack what’s really going on when kids can’t handle losing, and how to guide them toward healthy confidence instead of constant comparison. KEY POINTS: Why competition and young kids don’t mix The developmental stages that make “winning” feel like a need, not a want How competence and self-worth get tangled together Simple strategies to help kids lose gracefully—and win kindly Why home should be a safe space to “win” without pressure QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “For me to feel good, I shouldn’t have to make you feel bad. That’s the problem with competition for young kids.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: What Your Child Needs From You by Dr Justin Coulson 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know by Dr Justin Coulson ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Relax—it’s normal for young kids to want to win. Play low-stakes games to help them practise losing. Model losing (and winning) with grace.Teach them to find joy in helping others shine. Let life be the teacher—your job is to provide a soft landing. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Big Truss LDV Tuesday We have a wholesome, informative, mind provoking, cog turning show for you todays Shifters... Joining us on the show is Dr. Justin Coulson, Australia's leading parenting and family researches and founder of happier families!... It's not too late to start rebuilding that connection that you feel is slipping with your kid/s!... Thank you for allowing us to put up feet up and enjoy the long weekend, we hope you were able to disconnect during the weekend also! Let's GEDDITTT.... Hit that link below to stay caught up with anything and everything TMS. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/groups/3394787437503676/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ We dropped some merch! Use TMS for 10% off. Here is the link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youknowclothing.com/search?q=tms⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Thank you to the team at Chemist Warehouse for helping us keep the lights on, here at The Morning Shift... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.chemistwarehouse.co.nz/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 00:00 - Intro 3:15 - Check In 6:52 - Daily Bread 13:31 - Dr Justin Coulson 48:34 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A world-first law is about to change how Aussie kids use social media — forever.From December 10, children 16 and under will be banned from holding social accounts. But what does that really mean for families? In this special extended episode, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with Julie Inman Grant, Australia’s eSafety Commissioner, about the new age-limit legislation — who it covers, how it will work, what fines apply, and what parents must do now to prepare. This is the definitive guide for every parent trying to navigate the online world — with calm, clarity, and confidence. KEY POINTS What the new under-16 social media ban actually includes (and who’s exempt) How eSafety will enforce compliance — and why parents won’t be penalised The five-step “layered safety” approach every platform must follow What’s being done to restrict online porn and explicit content The truth about “nudifying” apps and how schools can respond Simple ways to help your child transition off social media safely QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Parents shouldn’t have to fight billion-dollar companies to keep their kids safe online — the responsibility belongs with the platforms.” — Julie Inman Grant RESOURCES MENTIONED eSafety Commissioner resources & webinars Deep-fake & image-based-abuse school toolkit Beyond Blue, Headspace, Reach Out, Kids Helpline ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Talk with your child about the upcoming change — and why it matters. Help them download photos or memories they want to keep before Dec 10. Set up approved messaging groups to stay connected safely. Bookmark trusted influencers or sites they can follow directly. Visit esafety.gov.au for family checklists and guides. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A new study is making headlines — not because kids are on screens too much, but because many can’t stop. Dr Justin Coulson unpacks fresh research linking addictive screen use (not screen time itself) with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts in teens. Learn what “addiction” really means, why it’s not an official diagnosis, and how to protect your child without constant conflict. KEY POINTS The latest data from the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development Study shows addictive patterns of screen use — not hours online — are tied to poorer mental health. “Addictive” use means kids feel distress when not online, use screens to regulate emotions, or can’t stop even when it causes problems. There’s no official “screen addiction” diagnosis, but the behaviour patterns are real — and concerning. Justin shares practical strategies using the Three E’s of Effective Discipline to reduce conflict and foster healthy habits. Real-life example: how the Coulson family handled screen boundaries with collaboration, not control. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Time on a device isn’t the problem. It’s when kids can’t stop that their mental health starts to suffer.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development (ABCD) Study, JAMA Psychiatry, June 2024 Screen "addiction" and mental Health - Technosapiens Tools: Freedom App, Forest App, Brick, Unplug Childhood Framework: The Three E’s of Effective Discipline (Explore, Explain, Empower) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Have a calm conversation about how and why your child uses screens. Model mindful use — show your own limits and honesty about the struggle. Create structure, not punishment — consistent times, agreed limits. Watch for red flags like irritability, secrecy, or big emotions when screens are removed. Offer alternatives — list 10+ enjoyable non-screen activities your child can choose from. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It starts as a joke — “Mummy needs wine!” — but for many parents, that glass at the end of the day becomes more than just a meme. In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, Dr Justin Coulson talks with author and “Sober Awkward” podcast host Victoria Vanstone about her journey from party girl to sober mum — and how she broke free from the culture that told her alcohol was the answer. This episode will challenge how you see drinking, motherhood, and what self-care really means. KEY POINTS: How alcohol became part of Victoria’s identity — and why it took motherhood to question it The emotional and social pressures behind “Mummy Wine Time” culture Why drinking in front of kids sends powerful hidden messages The quiet shame of “normal” drinking habits — and what to do if you’re starting to question yours The rise of “sober curious” parenting and what it looks like in real life QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“It’s not really about alcohol. It’s about who you were before it — and who comes after it.” — Victoria Vanstone RESOURCES MENTIONED: A Thousand Wasted Sundays by Victoria Vanstone Mumming by Victoria Vanstone Podcast: Sober Awkward ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reflect on the messages your kids receive when they see you drinking or joking about it. If you’re curious about cutting back, start with a “sober curious” mindset — it’s about questioning, not quitting. Talk to your partner or a trusted friend about how alcohol fits (or doesn’t fit) in your family life. Explore support options — books, podcasts, therapy, or sober communities — if alcohol feels like it’s taking more than it gives. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Teens are forming emotional bonds — not just online, but with AI companions. In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson talks with Brown University psychologist Dr Jacqueline Nesi, author of Techno Sapiens, about the fast-growing world of AI “friendships” and what they mean for kids’ mental health. They also unpack Jackie’s latest research revealing how often teens check their phones — and how it’s shaping their moods. It’s a must-listen for parents navigating the blurred lines between connection, distraction, and dependence in the digital age. KEY POINTS 72% of teens have used an AI companion; over half use one regularly. AI chatbots are designed to keep kids engaged — often prioritising screen time over wellbeing. For some vulnerable kids, AI chats can feel like friendship or therapy — but they aren’t replacements for real connection. Australia’s new social-media age-limit laws may help, but implementation and design flaws remain. Teens check their phones an average of 112 times a day — once every 10 minutes! Frequent phone checking is linked with greater emotional ups and downs. Teens who are less mindful tend to reach for their phones more after bad days — using screens as emotional regulation tools. What matters most: how kids use technology and who they are, not just how much. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The effects of smartphones on mood and wellbeing are complicated — it’s not that phones are simply bad, it’s about who’s using them and how.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Techno Sapiens – Dr Jacqueline Nesi’s Substack Tech Without Stress – Resources for parents Happy Families – More parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Ask your kids how they use AI or chatbots — listen before you lecture. Check your family’s phone “pickups” using Screen Time or Digital Wellbeing. Practise mindfulness together — simple breathing, no-tech walks, or screen-free meals. Talk about emotional regulation — help kids notice when they’re using tech to cope. Model balance — show that your phone doesn’t rule you either. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Boys are falling behind in reading — and the consequences are staggering. In this episode, we share an excerpt from Your Kid’s Next Read podcast with Allison Tait, Megan Daley, Matt Stanton and Dr Justin Coulson unpacking the crisis in boys’ literacy. From screen addiction to motivation, we explore why reading has lost its spark for boys — and how parents can bring stories back to life at home. You can listen to the full conversation here: Boys and Reading. KEY POINTS: Reading rates are plummeting across the board — but boys are struggling most. The literacy gap between boys and girls now equals a full academic year by Year 9. Why screens are hijacking boys’ brains — and how to reset attention spans. The 3 ingredients that make kids want to read: autonomy, competence, and connection. Why dads matter most — boys become readers when they see men reading. The power of reading with your kids, not just telling them to read. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “For boys to love reading, they’ve got to see men who love reading.” — Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Your Kid’s Next Read podcast with Allison Tait & Megan Daley Raising Readers by Megan Daley Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Model reading — let your kids catch you with a book. Choose connection over correction — read with them, not at them. Follow their interests — comics, sports magazines, or game guides still count. Build confidence — help your child feel capable with age-appropriate reads. Make it social — talk about stories, characters, and favourite moments. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pasta. Chips. Nuggets. Repeat. If your neurodivergent child lives on a diet of white and yellow foods, you’re not alone. In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with paediatric dietitian Karina Savage to unpack why fussy eating is so common in autistic and ADHD kids — and what you can actually do to help them expand their diet without battles, bribes or tears. You’ll learn how to lower pressure, build trust around food, and make progress (even if it’s just one new bite at a time). KEY POINTS Start where your child’s at. Understand the sensory, anxiety, or familiarity issues behind food refusal. Safe foods first. Keep trusted foods on the plate, and gently introduce “test foods” nearby (but not touching). No pressure, no panic. Play with food, don’t police it — mealtimes should feel safe, not stressful. Tiny changes matter. Shift from white to wholemeal, add fibre, and celebrate every small win. Watch additives. Processed colours and preservatives can worsen attention and behaviour in neurodivergent kids. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Food play in a non-pressured environment builds familiarity and trust — and that’s how progress happens.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Nourish with Karina — Karina Savage’s website and membership for parentsHappy Families — for more tools to help your family thrive ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS List your child’s “safe foods.” Use this as your base for every meal. Add one “test food” on the side — no pressure to try it. Create calm mealtimes. Avoid forcing or bribing; instead, offer food play and choice. Model variety. Let your child see you enjoying colourful, balanced foods. Aim for progress, not perfection. A little more colour on the plate is a big win. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your teen is bright, capable—and completely content to coast. Your partner’s in the kitchen… but lost behind EarPods. In this candid Q&A, Dr Justin Coulson shares calm, practical steps to spark a teen’s inner drive without pressure, and to bring a distracted spouse back into the family circle. Expect practical scripts, mindset shifts, and gentle strategies that keep relationships strong without force or guilt. KEY POINTS Force Creates Resistance: Pushing teens to “aim higher” backfires. Upside/Downside Chat: Explore pros and cons of choices together to inspire self-motivation. Model What Matters: Your habits and purpose speak louder than lectures. Chores Are Connection: Kitchen time is about relationship, not just clean counters. Collaborative Talk: Choose a neutral moment, use “I” statements, focus on positives. Set Clear Boundaries: Compromise on EarPod use or agree to device-free family tasks. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The task is the vehicle to connection—it’s not the purpose of the ride.” RESOURCES Ask your question here: happyfamilies.com.au/podcast #754 Why Doing Their Best Might Not Be the Best [Podcast] The Biggest Relationship Mistakes We All Make [Article] Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Invite a relaxed “milkshake chat” with your teen to explore upside and downside of their choices. Model curiosity and drive in your own life—kids notice consistency more than pep talks. Pick a calm moment to tell your partner, “I feel disconnected when we wear EarPods during chores—I miss our casual chats.” Propose a short nightly “all-in” kitchen clean-up with devices away to nurture effortless conversation. Revisit boundaries if disengagement persists, and consider professional support if communication stalls. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

School refusal and absence are at crisis levels. More than 40% of students are missing at least 10% of school days — and it’s only getting worse. Behind every statistic is a child struggling with anxiety, chronic illness, or the weight of a system that doesn’t fit. In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with Megan Gilmour, CEO of Missing School and 2025 ACT Australian of the Year. Megan’s own son battled a life-threatening illness that kept him from school for years, and her advocacy has since transformed the way we think about education, connection, and support for kids who can’t physically be in the classroom. If you’re worried about your child’s school avoidance — whether from illness, anxiety, or overwhelm — this episode will give you both hope and practical direction. KEY POINTS: Why school absence has skyrocketed since COVID. The hidden costs of missing school: academics, friendships, identity, and mental health. How school avoidance affects the whole family. What digital connection and flexible solutions can look like for struggling students. Why the current school model isn’t fit for today’s kids — and what needs to change. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Wherever school absence starts — illness, anxiety, or overwhelm — the long-term impacts on a child’s wellbeing and future are profound. Connection is everything.” – Megan Gilmour RESOURCES MENTIONED: Missing School School Refusal [HF Article] #533 Emotion Based School Avoidance [HF Podcast Episode] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Notice the early signs of school avoidance — and take them seriously. Keep the focus on connection, not just attendance. Explore flexible options, including digital classroom access, where possible. Seek support: schools can and must accommodate differences. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Childcare scandals. Social media bans. Kids spending nine hours a day glued to screens. As Child Protection Week shines a spotlight on children’s safety, parents are asking: How do I really protect my kids — both online and in real life? Dr Justin Coulson speaks with Dr Katrina Lines, CEO of Act for Kids, about shocking new research and simple ways families can protect kids online and in real life. KEY POINTS: Why removing men from childcare is not the solution — and what really needs to change. Surprising new research: kids actually prefer time with family over screens. Why kids resist screen limits but thrive when they finally log off. How to “meet in the middle” by joining kids in their online world. Preparing your family for the upcoming social media age ban. Simple daily strategies to create real-life connection, even in busy households. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “This is the important stuff — not the cooking, not the laundry — but listening and being present with our kids.” — Dr Katrina Lines RESOURCES MENTIONED: Act for Kids: Let’s Connect IRL Happy Families Resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Create small daily “connection moments” — in the car, over dinner, or while cooking. Join your child occasionally in their online world to build trust and safety. Open conversations now about the upcoming social media age ban — listen, don’t dismiss. Plan one weekly family activity that everyone can look forward to. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Exams, ATARs, scaling, university preferences—no wonder Year 12 feels overwhelming. But what if success doesn’t come down to one number? In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by careers counsellor Amy Dyer to unpack the myths around scaling, ATAR pressure, gap years, trades, and vocational pathways. If your teen feels lost—or if you’re a parent caught in the stress—this conversation will help you breathe easier and see the bigger picture. KEY POINTS: Scaling and ATARs: what really matters (and what doesn’t). Achievement, capability, enjoyment - what is success? Burnout in young people after school Why a gap year can be the best choice for mental health and clarity. The hidden value of vocational studies and trade careers. How to help kids define success beyond exam scores. Why parents should focus on fit, not prestige, when guiding school and career choices. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“You’re not supposed to know. You just try. Just be productive. Just do something.” — Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Connect with Amy Dyer More parenting support: happyfamilies.com.au Check out our "Failed at School, Successful at Life" podcast series [episodes #875-879] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Start conversations about learning styles and interests - not just grades. Normalise multiple pathways: university, TAFE, trades, or gap years. Reduce pressure by reminding your teen that life doesn’t hinge on a single number. Create safe spaces at home for career and study discussions. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When a child is upset or angry, it’s easy to think their outburst is about the immediate problem. The real challenge for parents is identifying the deeper emotions driving these reactions. Kylie shares a conversation with her daughter that started as a fight over Roblox but ended with heartfelt tears over a completely different issue. By taking the time to talk with our kids, we can help them uncover the true reasons behind their strong feelings. In this episode: Play dates & Roblox 14 reasons why.... Homeschooling Need for connection Hindenburg Research: Roblox Roblox - a tool for sexual predators The 3 Es of Effective Discipline: Explore, Explain, and Empower Related Links: Keeping kids safe on Roblox Why Your Kids Need a Tribe Supporting Autistic Children Course with Dr Justin Coulson & Dr Joey Lawrence Find us on Facebook or TikTok Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you get kids to love reading in a world of screens and short attention spans? In this warm and practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with one of Australia’s most beloved authors — and current Children’s Laureate — Sally Rippin. Together they explore why connection matters more than comprehension, how to support struggling readers, and the simple, joyful ways families can bring books back to life at home. You’ll hear:– Why “all kids can be readers” (even reluctant ones)– How neuroscience is changing the way we teach reading– The role of modelling and family rituals in raising readers– Why choice and curiosity keep kids engaged– The surprising power of reading together — at any age QUOTE OF THE EPISODE“There’s no better way to help kids fall in love with reading than for them to fall in love with you while you read together.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES– Sally Rippin, Australian Children’s Laureate: https://www.childrenslaureate.org.au– Sally’s books: School of Monsters, Billy B. Brown, and more– Happy Families: https://www.happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Read together — bedtime, car rides, or even audiobooks count. Model reading — let kids see you enjoying books. Offer choice — let them pick their own books, then choose one to share. Make it fun — voices, suspense, and laughter bring stories alive. Stay curious — use books as a doorway into your child’s world. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Feeling like your child is glued to their screen - and spiralling? You're not imagining it. A brand-new meta-analysis of nearly 300,000 kids reveals something alarming: screen time isn't just a symptom of emotional struggles… it’s making them worse. In this Doctor’s Desk deep dive, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down the research and shares three critical parenting strategies that can break the cycle. KEY POINTS A meta-analysis of 117 studies (292,739 kids!) shows screen use leads to increased emotional and behavioural problems—and kids who are already struggling are more likely to turn to screens. Gaming has the most harmful effects, especially when time limits are exceeded. There’s a reciprocal relationship between screen use and emotional struggles—each one fuels the other. The screen trap is real—even highly self-aware adults get caught. The key isn’t blame or punishment—it’s collaboration, connection, and compassion. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We need to question the gaming industry’s design, not our children’s character." RESOURCES MENTIONED Meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin (2025) Yesterday’s episode with Dr Brad Marshall on gaming disorder and smartphone overuse ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Question the system, not the child: Open conversations with kids about how games and social media are engineered to capture attention and exploit vulnerabilities. Collaborate on screen use limits: Use the 3 E’s: Explore, Explain, Empower. Involve kids in setting family screen guidelines focused on what they gain, not what they lose. Replace screens with real connection: Prioritise family time, hobbies, nature, and friendships. The more involved you are, the less likely screens will dominate. Get curious about unmet needs: Ask: What is my child seeking from this screen? How can I help them meet that need in real life? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Nine hours a day. That’s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development—and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia’s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn’t!) do if screen use has taken over your home. KEY POINTS New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids—just for fun, not school. Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction. Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains. These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence. It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "If your child is in a sleep deficit because they’re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." – Dr Brad Marshall RESOURCES MENTIONED The new Macquarie University study on screen overuse Brad’s Developmental Impact Questionnaire Happy Families podcast archive Brad Marshall’s organisation: Control Shift ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Don’t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like “that game is rotting your brain.” It shuts down connection. Don’t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues. Don’t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the “screen talk” when everyone’s calm. Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child’s experience. Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.