Podcasts about self defeating beliefs

Perfectionism Update Featuring Adam Holman Today we are joined by Adam Holman, LCSW. Adam has recently left his full time clinical practice in Arizona to join our Feeling Great app team here in San Francisco. I think you'll be delighted by his warmth and wisdom. Although he works with us full-time, he still practices one day per week and specializes in X depression, anxiety, and screen addiction(e.g. video game addiction and more.) He has appeared on two previous Feeling Good Podcasts, # X and # Y. We are delighted to have Adam as the honored guest on today's Ask David podcast! Today's questions come all the way from North Macedonia! Dear Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for your kind response. I'd be truly honored if my questions could be considered for a future episode of your Ask David podcast. Your work has been a key influence in my research on perfectionism and its cognitive-behavioral aspects. Here are a few brief questions I'm currently exploring: How has your view of perfectionism evolved since Feeling Good? What strategies have you found most effective for challenging perfectionistic thinking in therapy? Is perfectionism often rooted in a fear of not being “good enough”? How does it typically manifest in academic or professional environments? If you happen to include any of these in a future episode, I'd be grateful if you could let me know so I can tune in. Thank you again for your time and for the lasting impact of your work. Warm regards, Mitko Toshev Doctoral Student Faculty of Pedagogy University “St. Kliment Ohridski” – Bitola North Macedonia David's Reply Yes, this will make for an excellent podcast with a refresher on perfectionism, featuring questions from Mitko and a spirited discussion with Adam, Rhonda and yours truly! We had an in depth discussion of all the latest bells and whistles in the treatment of perfectionism with TEAM CBT. This included the two very different but complementary approaches to treating depression or any of the 23 common Self-Defeating Beliefs. So, if you've ever struggle with the thought that you're not good enough, or that you SHOULDN'T have made this or that mistake, this podcast will be right up your alley! Thanks, Mitko! david

So much of what we think about ourselves and the world is A. not helpful, and B. operating on automatic without our even knowing about it. If we think we're not good enough, not worthy of love, always going to be broke, never going to feel happy again, etc. etc., we're letting self-defeating beliefs run the show of our lives. In this episode, I'm joined by therapist and author Judith Belmont to talk about how we work with those self-defeating beliefs, so they don't work us. The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

Ask David How Can I Change an SDB (Self-Defeating Belief)? How Can I Cope with Intense Public Speaking Anxiety? Featuring Rhonda Barovsky, Psy.D., Matthew May, MD, Jason Meno and David Burns, MD (Jason is an AI Scientist on our Feeling Great App Team) Anonymous asks: How can I change an SDB (Self-Defeating Belief)? Hiranmay asks: How can I deal with my intense anxiety before public speaking. Answers to Your Questions Note: These answers below were written BEFORE the podcast, and the live discussion always adds new and different angles. Today, Jason Meno, our beloved AI guy on our app team, also chimes in on the many super questions submitted by Andrew (#3 - #10.) 1. Anonymous asks: How can I change an SDB? Dear Dr. Burns, I'm an avid listener of the Feeling Good podcast and for the past few weeks, an avid user of the Feeling Great app. Thank you for your incredible work and dedication to making people everywhere feel better about themselves. I have a question about self-defeating beliefs that I'm hoping you can address, either on the show or on your website. You have mentioned on several occasions that SDBs are the root cause of negative thoughts and consequently of negative feelings. Yet, to me it doesn't feel like SDBs are really addressed enough on the podcast. There seem to only be a handful of episodes covering the topic. It also seems there is a very limited toolbox of methods to use on SDBs, almost like dealing with them is considered an afterthought. If SDBs really are the cause of it all, shouldn't the primary focus be on defeating them first and only then, on defeating negative thoughts? I'm just a little bit lost when it comes to defeating SDBs, which seem to be way harder to deal with than negative thoughts. Any insights or thoughts on the subject will be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Anonymous David's reply Dear Anonymous, Will start a new Ask David with your excellent question. Thanks, david First, you can look up Self-Defeating Beliefs in the search function on my website, and you'll find many great examples. Here's what I got just from "Self-Defeating Belief." You could also search for a specific type, like Perfectionism, Perceived Perfectionism, Achievement Addiction, Love Addiction, Approval Addiction, Submissiveness, etc. In general, there are two approaches to any SDB. Four approaches can be used in this order: Do a Cost-Benefit Analysis of the SDB. If Disadvantages outweigh Advantages, use Semantic Technique to modify the SDB. Do an experiment to see if the SDB is actually valid. Use the Feared Fantasy Technique to put the lie to the SDB at the gut level. Here's our latest thinking, which is a step beyond the four steps above. Do a Daily Mood Log on one specific moment when you were struggling with your SDB. We will discuss these ideas in greater depth on the show, of course! You can also find a great deal on SDBs in my books, like Feeling Good, the Feeling Good Handbook, and more. But right now, I don't even know what SDB you might want help with / more information about. Also, in the Feeling Great App, there's a terrific class called "Your PhD in Shoulds." It includes a lesson on perfectionism. 2. Hiranmay asks: How can I deal with my intense anxiety before public speaking without working on the negative thoughts I have afterwards, like “I am going to mess this up” “People are going to notice something obviously wrong in my presentation that I missed, and I will look like a fool.“ “This talk is important, it must go well! Here's his email: Dear Dr. Burns, I love your books and the feeling good podcast. They have made such a huge difference in my life (in a good way of course). I have an “ask David” question on acute anxiety: If I have to play a badminton match or give a presentation, I usually get some or a lot of anxiety the day before the big event as well as the morning of. I then use all the methods you have taught, and the anxiety reduces. However, it usually comes back with a bang just before I give the talk or play a match. Cognitive techniques are not very helpful to me 30 minutes or 5 minutes before the presentation or match. I don't have the time to sit down and write my thoughts or cannot focus at all on my thoughts. Are there any strategies to reduce this form of acute “relapse” or nerves. Here are some more details: Event: 30 minutes before my presentation. I just entered the seminar room, and the first speaker is about to start their talk. I am next. I can feel my heart starting to pound and I am getting the familiar sense of anxiety and nerves. Thoughts: “I am going to mess this up”. “People are going to notice something obviously wrong in my presentation that I missed, and I will look like a fool“. “This talk is important, it must go well”. Although to be honest, this is my analysis of what my thoughts were after the fact. 5-15 minutes before the presentation, I usually just notice my thoughts racing. To reiterate: I am not looking for help with working on these thoughts after the presentation. Any strategies to acutely deal with anxiety or rather relapse of anxiety when I don't have time to use all the wonderful TEAM tools would be very helpful. Thanks so much. Best, Hiranmay (pronounced he-run-may) living in Basel, Switzerland. David's Reply Sure, as a starting point I'd like to see your work with these thoughts on a Daily Mood Log. Do you have one that you could send me, with the percents filled in, etc. That will allow me to see what your strategies are on challenging these thoughts, and whether you can knock them out of the park, or only challenge them “somewhat.” Best, david You can see Hiranmay's excellent DML if you check here. David Continues Hi Hiranmay, It sounds like are not interested in help with the thoughts you recorded in your email below, since this, by definition, is “after the presentation.” If you like, you could perhaps “make up” some thoughts you might be having BEFORE you start to speak. As someone who has had, and recovered from crippling public speaking anxiety, I have tons of powerful techniques, but would need some help from you so I'll have something to go on. By the way, I absolutely DO NOT BELIEVE you when you say those are not the thoughts you are having in the minutes before you begin to speak! So, your requirement that we are not allowed to work on them is a bit of a hindrance. As an aside, I will include this in an Ask David podcast, if that is okay! Sincerely, david I asked H to send me a copy of his Daily Mood Log, which was really well done, and responded with a few suggestions. Then I sent this note: David's Subsequent Response One thing I noticed on your Daily Mood Log is your fear of making a mistake, or having a critical question from someone in the group, or not being able to impress your audience sufficiently. These fears are common in public speaking anxiety. We've all struggled with them at one time or another, I think!  I have changed my focus from needing to impress the audience with myself or my talk, and instead I try to remember to try to impress them with themselves, and how awesome they are. Here's an example. I once gave a presentation on the serotonin theory of depression for about 1,000 psychiatrists at a prominent medical school in Texas. It was going well and suddenly a man at the rear stood up and started shouting something like this: “I'm so sick of all you establishment researchers thinking you know so much and ignoring my work. I have discovered the cause and cure for depression in my laboratory. (He claimed it was some kind of vitamin deficiency.) But everyone is ignoring my work (and more ranting and raving.) There was a chilled silence in the room. Here's how I responded: “I appreciate was you're saying, and I agree. I think our current focus on deficiencies in brain serotonin is extremely misguided, and predict, as you say, that research will show that the chemical imbalance theory of depression is not valid. And often, the most important breakthroughs come from laboratories like yours, where someone who is unknown discovers the actual cause of an illness after being ignored for years and years. I'd be honored if you'd approach me at the end of my talk so I can learn more about your pioneering research!” Notice I did not defend myself, but tried to make HIM feel good. At the end of my talk, about 20 or more people came crowding up to the podium with questions and such. I saw him at the back of the group, pushing his way to the front. I braced for another attack. He said, “Dr. Burns, that was the best presentation I've ever heard by far on the serotonin theory of depression. If you would give me permission, I would love to show your slides to my students and colleagues!” I have very little fear of being attacked by people in the audience, and I now speak all the time in front of groups. I used to have paralyzing public speaking anxiety. But the monsters I feared were all in my brain! Warmly, david   Andrew asks 8 cool questions! (#3 - #10) which are listed below, along with my answers. Jason Meno also sent some awesome answers, which you'll find below as well, right after my answers to the 8 questions.  

Ask David Disturbing Intrusive Thoughts-- where do they come from?  Alone and Liking It--is that Okay? Help with those darned Shoulds, and more! The following show notes were written before the show. The actual live discussions will vary somewhat from the answers you will find here, which simply included David's email exchanges with those who asked the questions. . Rodolfo asks about disturbing and unwelcome intrusive thoughts. Brittany asks if it's okay to enjoy / prefer being alone. John, from Ireland, asks, “Help! I'm shoulding on myself again! What can I do? Please do another podcast on Should Statements.” Rodolfo asks about disturbing and unwelcome intrusive thoughts.   1. Rodolfo asks about ADHD & Intrusive Thoughts Hello Dr. Burns, my name is Rudy. First and foremost, your writings and podcasts have been life changing for me. You're AMAZING! I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I started experiencing intrusive thoughts around November of last year. I thought I had OCD, but apparently intrusive thoughts are a common companion in ADHD. What would be the best course of action in defeating them? How would I apply TEAM to them? David's Response In all my books, like Feeling Great, I outline a step by step approach to writing down and challenging thoughts. You can also listen to the podcast on the four models for treating anxiety. Can we use your great comment on a podcast, and add your question to our next Ask David podcast? Can you send me an example of the types of intrusive thoughts you're having? Sometimes writing them down and challenging can be helpful, but need to see what we're talking about. Best, david Rodolfo responds Thank you for the swift response! Ok, so writing down my intrusive thoughts, regardless of their nature, and challenging them. I don't, however, know which method/route to challenge them with. I have Feeling Great, so I will read through it again. I will also check out the podcasts. My intrusive thoughts have been disgusting violent acts involving my wife and son. ***I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OR DESIRE TO COMMIT ANY OF THEM***. I've had images of my wife getting shot, not necessarily by me. Sometimes I'll see my arms give out and my son will fall. I've seen my wife sitting down, and she gets hit in the back of the head. When they appear, I begin to freak out immensely because they are the complete opposite of who I am and what I want to do, which is protect them. I know I'm not doing something right when it comes to your methods because I still freak out. David Responds Thanks! Although disturbing, this is a very common and often easily treatable OCD type of problem. Best, david Rodolfo responds What a relief. I thought I was going insane here! I would be honored if you all covered it in a podcast. All I listen to in my car now is the Feeling Good podcast! David Responds Often, intrusive OCD thoughts reflect suppressed problems / feelings people have, especially when the person is exceptionally "nice," and used to sweeping feelings under the rug, so to speak. I cannot treat you in this medium, obviously, but I'm wondering if you have some negative feelings, like anger or frustration, toward your wife and child? When these are "squashed," they can come out indirectly, disguised as anxious thoughts and feelings. This is called the Hidden Emotion Technique, which you can look up using the search on my website, if curious, or read about it in my book, When Panic Attacks. Best, david 2. Brittany asks if it's okay to enjoy / prefer being alone. Hi Dr. Burns, I was listening to your podcast on self-acceptance, and it was really interesting hearing the results. I like how you said that just because we accept something about ourselves doesn't mean we aren't still working on it. I think people confuse that a lot. One thing I've accepted about myself is that I really do enjoy being alone. I think in the past I would try to find a buddy in uncomfortable situations like the first day of work or orientation or going to a baby shower alone etc. but now I find that I am most comfortable when I'm not included with everyone else. However, I think it can come across as off putting to some. Sometimes I get the feeling they see me excluding myself as rejection to them. That's not my intention and nobody's ever actually said that but it's a thought that pops up. Just wondered if you think this form of acceptance is good or bad? I mean it's been good for me. Just maybe it's bad for others? -Brittany David's response This is a cool question and nice comment, too, about our podcast. Can we read this on a podcast and use it for an Ask David? Personally, I am trying to say "no" more often when asked to do things with other people, and sometimes it's hard. But if I don't say no, I get way too much on my plate and can't keep up! Warmly, david Brittany's reply That makes perfect sense to me. I've kind of taken the position where I don't really want to make more friends because I feel like I'm already falling short with spending enough time with my cats and everyone else. Let alone time for myself. David's reply Exactly! Our culture has this myth that's it's somehow impossible or immoral to enjoy just being with oneself! David   3. John, from Ireland, asks, “Help! I'm shoulding on myself again! What can I do? Please do another podcast on Should Statements.” Hi David and Rhonda! Love the podcast and the work you folks are doing! I listen to the podcasts regularly and you are both bringing such great benefits to the world! I would love to hear another podcast on should statements. I've been going through a pretty bad and extended period of anxiety and depression in recent months and have been really trying to challenge my thoughts without much success. I'm addicted to shoulds unfortunately and beat up on myself relentlessly. I've tried to do a cost benefit analysis and the motivation piece is a huge part of the benefits side that is keeping me stuck. I really want to give up my should statements, they are making my life a misery. But I'm finding I don't want to let go of the motivation piece. I have given a sample below. I'd love to know if there were further steps/techniques I could use aside from the CBA to address the benefits and the perceived motivation piece so I can fully let go of the shoulds! Thanks so much both, John from Ireland Negative Thought: “I should have plans on a Saturday.” 99% SHLD, ER, SB, MF, DP. Benefits Lets me know when I'm not performing to the standard I set for myself Shows me my passion/goal in life for doing fun exciting things Motivates me to move to make plans, scolds me until I do so. Keeps me vigilant that I'm aware of my shortcomings Reminds me of the value of being socially connected, meeting and having fun with friends. It's easy, it's familiar, it's such a habit. (process resistance) Costs Emotional Cost. Beats me up relentlessly, makes me feel depressed, anxious and lowers my self-esteem. Reinforces perfectionistic beliefs Counterproductive in terms of motivation, makes me feel so low, Huge interpersonal cost, feel isolated alone. Prevents intimate connections Not able to be present or flow in a conversation, quality of conversation/connection drops Self-fulfilling prophecy, if I'm telling myself that then I ignore other possibilities. Benefits 40 / Costs 60 David's reply Feeling Great is now available in the app store, and you can try it for free. It also has a class called “Your PhD in Shoulds.” I'll add your question to our next podcast list for an Ask David. Since you've told me you can't yet get the app in Ireland, I'll send you the script of that lesson. Thanks! David John continues the exchange Hi David, Thank you so much for taking the time to correspond today and thank you so much for all the work you're doing for free. The world would be a better place with more Rhonda's and Dr. Burns' in the world. One of the things that has brought me some peace in the last few weeks is going for a long walk in the evening after work listening to your podcasts! I have attached a DML that I've been working on to give a bit more context. I made some inroads on that original should statement, however, as you can see from the DML more shoulds keep popping up. I have identified the Self Defeating Beliefs that resonate with me at the bottom of the document. I'm working hard to find healthy acceptance, I know this is key for me. I'm not entirely sure a lot of the time what exactly I should be accepting. That I'm a flawed person with many defects, just like everyone else maybe? To give some further context and without overburdening you with too much detail: I feel my anxieties are one of the main parts of my problem and I would love to get over these. I feel defective that I'm not resilient enough for the challenges of life. I have fears mainly around people, fear of letting people down, fear of being judged or rejected and just feeling different to others I suppose. I've struggled with recurring anxiety and some depressive periods from when I was a young child (likely biological - my dad has the same issue). I have strong feelings of defectiveness and not being up to standard compared to my peers. I have a very busy corporate finance job where I've been working very long hours over an extended number of weeks and months. I don't' love my job, fell into it really. Could be a hidden emotion thing going on. I started working from home more and more in recent months as my workload increased and my anxiety and mood really started to dip as work took over my life. I started to get really burned out in April. A lot of why I enjoyed the job previously was having fun with my teammates but that has become impossible in recent times due to everyone's workload. I do CrossFit which is probably an extreme form of exercise and between that and work I fell into some kind of perfectionism where I couldn't really find joy out of anything, aiming for higher and higher achievements. This brought on tons of shoulds and all or nothing thinking and self-blame, I think. My dad, who had been doing well for a good few years fell into a deep depression and anxious state around April time too and has been in hospital for a number of weeks and our family is trying to support him through this. We're finding the standard of mental health care in Ireland really really poor unfortunately. I find his issues quite triggering for me a lot of the time and I'll believe I'm defective because he is defective and there is nothing I can do about it. Dad is entirely dependent on medication to get him out of his slump and has a bad case of do-nothingism. He is beating himself up relentlessly too and I gave him a copy of Feeling Good to read but he hasn't looked at it at all. I have just turned 40 and I'm still single, so I feel like I'm letting my family down for not being emotionally able for a relationship or kids or be a better brother/son. I know I'm probably being harsh here as they say the opposite, but I feel I could/should be doing more. I have probably fired way too much detail at you, so I'll stop there! Thanks so much again! John Listen to this podcast for the great discussions and commentary by Rhonda, Matt, and David  

 FROZEN: Part 2 of 2 Featuring Personal Work with Cody Today, you will hear the exciting conclusion of the work that Jill and David did with Cody, a young man who sometimes freezes in social situations due to feelings of anxiety. He actually froze up when Jill and David were working with him in part 1 last week. What will they do? Tune in today and you'll find out! Before I describe Cody's session, I want to remind you that I am bringing back my annual, four-day summer intensive at the South San Francisco Conference Center this year, for the first time in five years. We had to abandon it due to the pandemic, and this year we are bringing it back to life on August 8 to 11. It will cover TEAM-CBT for depression and anxiety, but with a few changes, hopefully innovations and further improvements. For one thing, you can attend in person or online this year, and Dr. Levitt will be teaching with me. This will make the experience even better, since Jill is a brilliant psychotherapy teacher, certainly among the top in the world! The in-person seating will be strictly limited to 100, so register early if you are interested, at Intensive Information / Registration The online version will be identical, with many skilled experts to guide you in the many interactive exercises, making both the in person and online versions identical. However, the online will be roughly half the cost, so that could be an appealing option if you are cost-conscious or if you live far away. No travel needed this year! But perhaps most important, this annual intensive always proves to be the best training experience of the year, with chances to learn sophisticated and magnificent TEAM techniques to use with your patients. But you will also have the chance to do your own personal work. Many, many people have said that the intensives are absolutely magical, and I totally agree! In fact, the summer intensive might be the training you always dreamed about, but never really received, in graduate school!. Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Beginning of Part 2 with Cody You will hear some of the tools that seemed especially helpful, including Self-Disclosure Positive Reframing, not only for his negative feelings but also for his freezing Identify and Explain the Distortions Externalization of Voices with Acceptance Paradox the Feared Fantasy the Experimental Technique And more. Whether you are a shrink or general citizen, I think there might be a lot for you to learn from Cody, not only about techniques to treat social anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, but also about enlightenment as well. ‘ That's because the goals of a TEAM-CBT session are not just the reduction of negative feelings, but the complete obliteration of negative feelings, along with jumping on a psychic trampoline that catapults you into a state of profound self-acceptance and enlightenment. At least, that's my take on it! Did it really happen? Here's how Cody was feeling at the start of the session, along with his goals for each feeling at the end of Positive Reframing, and his feelings at the end of the session. As you can see, all of his negative feelings went to zero. Emotions % Before % Goal % After Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy 40 10 0 Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened 95 15 0 Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed 20 5 0 Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent 40 10 0 Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned 50 10 0 Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious 100 30 0 Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing 50 15 0 Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated 50 15 0 Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious 30 5 0 Confused 60 10 0   What explains these seemingly impossible changes in a single therapy session? And are they real, or is this all just a bunch of hype? Stay tuned and let us know what you think at the end! Early, I had a challenging exercise to do on Cody's SDBa. Here's the solution. To my way of thinking, Cody's Downward Arrow chain of thoughts suggest a number of related Self-Defeating Beliefs, including: Perfectionism: I should always try to be perfect. Perceived Perfectionism: Others will not love and accept me if they see that I'm flawed or if I screw up. I must earn the respect of others. Approval Addiction: I need everyone's approval to be worthwhile. Achievement Addiction: My worthwhileness and capacity for happiness are based on my intelligence, achievements, and productivity. Fear of Rejection. Being rejected and alone would be devastating. Worthlessness Schema (possibly): I'm not inherently lovable, likeable, or worthwhile. Mistrust Schema (possibly): Other people are unsafe or predatory, and powerful, and eager to judge or hurt me. (David: this is a new one similar to Perceived Perfectionism, but this belief puts more of a negative twist on the perception of inherent malevolence in others.) You always have to be the patient's point of view about the SDBs, so these are just my guesses. End of Session Thanks so much for listening, and a big hug for Cody for sharing his inner self with all of us! To me, this is the best teaching because it is real, and you can see what the shrinks REALLY do behind closed doors. You also get to see shrinks as struggling, vulnerable, and imperfect human beings, just like yourself! Cody, Rhonda, Jill, and David

FROZEN: Part 1 of 2 Featuring Personal Work with Cody In today's, and next week's, podcasts. we present the next episode of live work with Cody. The first, which featured Rejection Practice for social anxiety, was published as Podcast #326 on January 9, 2023 at this LINK. My co-therapist for this session was the wonderful Dr. Jill Levitt, the Director of Clinical Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mt. View, California (LINK.). Before I describe Cody's session, I want to remind you that I am bringing back my annual, four-day summer intensive at the South San Francisco Conference Center this year, for the first time in five years. We had to abandon it due to the pandemic, and this year we are bringing it back to life on August 8 to 11. It will cover TEAM-CBT for depression and anxiety, but with a few changes, hopefully innovations and further improvements. For one thing, you can attend in person or online this year, and Dr. Levitt will be teaching with me. This will make the experience even better, since Jill is a brilliant psychotherapy teacher, certainly among the top in the world! The in-person seating will be strictly limited to 100, so register early if you are interested, at Intensive Information / Registration The online version will be identical, with many skilled experts to guide you in the many interactive exercises, making both the in person and online versions identical. However, the online will be roughly half the cost, so that could be an appealing option if you are cost-conscious or if you live far away. No travel needed this year! But perhaps most important, this annual intensive always proves to be the best training experience of the year, with chances to learn sophisticated and magnificent TEAM techniques to use with your patients. But you will also have the chance to do your own personal work. Many, many people have said that the intensives are absolutely magical, and I totally agree! In fact, the summer intensive might be the training you always dreamed about, but never really received, in graduate school!. Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Now, back to the podcast, in which you'll hear some additional TEAM-CBT magic. Cody asked for help with a problem that's been bugging him for some time. He sometimes freezes up when asked to do a role play or answer a question during psychotherapy training sessions. This typically leads to an awkward silence, and feelings of intense anxiety, inadequacy, frustration, embarrassment and more. Here's how he described it: Upsetting event: I was doing a suicide screening role-play with our clinical supervisor and other therapists. After working through the first step of the role-play, I froze and did not say a word! Here's how Cody was feeling. Emotions % Before % Goal % After Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy 40     Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened 95     Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed 20     Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent 40     Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned 50     Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious 100     Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing 50     Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated 50     Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious 30     Confused 60       As you can see and might imagine, the most intense feelings were anxiety and embarrassment, but several other feelings were fairly intense as well: such as feeling alone, discouraged, frustrated, and confused. These were some of his negative thoughts on the Dailly Mood Log that he brought to the session, and the percent he believed each one. Thought 5a, b, and c are an Individual Downward Arrow series, designed to get at the Self-Defeating Beliefs underneath the Negative Thoughts. What do you think Cody's SDBs are? Take a guess, and then you can look up the answers, or at least my own thinking, at the end of the show notes. Negative Thoughts % Belief 1. I shouldn't have screwed up. 80 2. I'm not good enough. 80 3. I don't belong here/I shouldn't be here. 50 4. Something is wrong with me (my brain) 100 5a. Everyone thinks I'm an idiot        ↓ 100 5b. I should not be in this ↓profession  ↓ 70 5c. I failed to find something I'm good at. ↓ 70 6. I'm worthless 60   Although freezing in social situations is fairly common, it can be incredibly challenging and painful for those who experience it. Cody said: Sometimes they try to help, or may switch to someone else. It sucks, and everyone feels awkward. The hangover can last a few hours or a day, and keeps me up at night. Over time, some emotions get worse, especially the feelings of depression and inferiority. I asked if there was also some hidden anger behind his anxiety when called on to perform in a group setting. He said, Definitely. I feel irritated if I didn't sleep that well the night before. My heart may not be into it 100%. I sometimes feel forced into it (performing), and just don't want to be put on the spot. . . What makes it bad is the belief that everyone is looking at me and the belief that I'm being evaluated. One of the most challenging and exciting events in the work with our courageous Cody was when he actually froze during the session! This gave us the chance to demonstrate and apply in real time. As you know, TEAM is extremely rich in specific methods to help patients within and between therapy sessions. What would be YOUR approach to helping Cody? Or, if you also struggle at times with social anxiety SDB, what is your prescription for yourself? As usual, Jill and I went through the T, E, A, M. sequence in our session with Cody, which, of course, is highly and totally individualized for every person we work with. In today's podcast, you will hear the T = Testing and E - Empathy portions of the session. Next week, you will hear the A = Assessment of Resistance and M = Methods portions of the session. You might be curious to find out which techniques we used, and what approach was the most effective. So tune inn next week to find out! End of Part 1 Some of the tools that seemed especially helpful included Self-Disclosure Positive Reframing, not only for his negative feelings but also for his freezing Identify and Explain the Distortions Externalization of Voices with Acceptance Paradox the Feared Fantasy the Experimental Technique And more. Whether you are a shrink or general citizen, I think there might be a lot for you to learn from Cody, not only about techniques to treat social anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, but also about enlightenment as well. ‘ That's because the goals of a TEAM-CBT session are not just the reduction of negative feelings, but the complete obliteration of negative feelings, along with jumping on a psychic trampoline that catapults you into a state of profound self-acceptance and enlightenment. At least, that's my take on it! Did it really happen? Here's how Cody was feeling at the start of the session, along with his goals for each feeling at the end of Positive Reframing, and his feelings at the end of the session. As you can see, all of his negative feelings went to zero. Emotions % Before % Goal % After Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy 40 10 0 Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened 95 15 0 Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed 20 5 0 Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent 40 10 0 Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned 50 10 0 Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious 100 30 0 Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing 50 15 0 Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated 50 15 0 Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious 30 5 0 Confused 60 10 0   What explains these seemingly impossible changes in a single therapy session? And are they real, or is this all just a bunch of hype? Stay tuned and let us know what you think at the end! Early, I had a challenging exercise to do on Cody's SDBa. Here's the solution. To my way of thinking, Cody's Downward Arrow chain of thoughts suggest a number of related Self-Defeating Beliefs, including: Perfectionism: I should always try to be perfect. Perceived Perfectionism: Others will not love and accept me if they see that I'm flawed or if I screw up. I must earn the respect of others. Approval Addiction: I need everyone's approval to be worthwhile. Achievement Addiction: My worthwhileness and capacity for happiness are based on my intelligence, achievements, and productivity. Fear of Rejection. Being rejected and alone would be devastating. Worthlessness Schema (possibly): I'm not inherently lovable, likeable, or worthwhile. Mistrust Schema (possibly): Other people are unsafe or predatory, and powerful, and eager to judge or hurt me. (David: this is a new one similar to Perceived Perfectionism, but this belief puts more of a negative twist on the perception of inherent malevolence in others.) You always have to be the patient's point of view about the SDBs, so these are just my guesses. End of Session Thanks so much for listening, and a big hug for Cody for sharing his inner self with all of us! To me, this is the best teaching because it is real, and you can see what the shrinks REALLY do behind closed doors. You also get to see shrinks as struggling, vulnerable, and imperfect human beings, just like yourself! Cody, Rhonda, Jill, and David

How to crush the 5 hidden barriers blocking your potential. We dive into subtle negative ideas in the mind that take hold and become accepted as normal. This episode is built to give awareness of these mind traps and positive actions to move forward. We cover: Ego Depletion and limited willpower Defeating our inner critic Overcoming the fear of mistakes Confronting Imposter Syndrome Beating distraction This episode is full of wisdom to boost your growth mindset and take control of your own success. Growth Mindset pod Sam Webster Harris explores the psychology of happiness, satisfaction, purpose, and growth through the lens of self-improvement. Success and happiness is a state of mind unique to ourselves and is our responsibility to create. Watch the pod - YouTube (Growth Mindset) Mail - GrowthMindsetPodcast(at)gmail.com Insta - SamJam.zen Chapters 00:00 Perfectionism and believing we are too late 02:14 - #1. Inner Critic 04:44 - #2. Fear of mistakes 06:48 - #3. Ego Depletion 09:48 - #4. Imposter Syndrome 12:54 - #5. I am Helpless against Distraction 15:08 ADHD and incorrect use of Diagnosis and Prognosis 16:15 Nir Eyal's 4 point model to beat distraction 16:23 Master Internal Triggers 16:50 Schedule Time for Traction 17:30 Hacking back External Triggers 17:55 Distraction Prevention Pacts 18:59 Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In today's episode, Gina discusses how to use our emotional reasoning and thinking to our advantage, rather than let it contribute to our anxiety and defeat. A number of cognitive distortions are identified as well as how to combat these tendencies. Looking to the positive, or even simply the neutral, can go a long way to preserving our mental health and emotional stability.n Listen in to find out how to do this effectively today! Please visit our Sponsor Page to find all the links and codes for our awesome sponsors! https://www.theanxietycoachespodcast.com/sponsors/ Thank you for supporting The Anxiety Coaches Podcast. Find even more peace and calm with our Supercast premium access membership! https://anxietycoaches.supercast.com/ Here's what's included for $5/month: ❤ New Ad-Free episodes every Sunday and Wednesday ❤ Access to the entire Ad-free back-catalog with over 600 episodes ❤ Premium meditations recorded with you in mind ❤ And more fun surprises along the way! All this in your favorite podcast app! To learn more go to: https://www.theanxietycoachespodcast.com Join our Group Coaching Full or Mini Membership Program  Learn more about our One-on-One Coaching What is anxiety? Quote: Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. -Lao Tzu Chapters 0:00:24 Introduction and the theme of self-defeating beliefs 0:01:19 Example 1: Filtering - Focusing on the negative 0:03:30 Example 2: Black and white thinking - All or nothing mentality 0:05:39 Example 3: Overgeneralization - Exaggerating or taking things to the extreme 0:07:22 Example 4: Mind reading - Making assumptions about others 0:09:14 Example 5: Catastrophizing - Expecting and projecting the worst 0:12:46 Ignoring Emergencies and Seeking Immediate Relief 0:14:39 Seeking Help and Relief from Anxiety Summary In this episode of the Anxiety Coaches Podcast, Gina Ryan discusses the impact of cognitive distortions on our mental well-being. She explores the concept of emotional reasoning and how it contributes to self-defeating beliefs. Drawing from personal experience, Gina shares her journey of recognizing and overcoming these beliefs. Gina delves into various cognitive distortions, highlighting real-life examples and their solutions. She first explores the concept of filtering, where individuals focus solely on the negative aspects of a situation. She offers strategies for shifting perspective and finding balance. Next, Gina addresses black and white thinking, where individuals perceive things as either perfect or a complete failure. She provides tools for challenging this rigid mindset and finding the shades of gray. Overgeneralization, which involves exaggerating or taking things to the extreme, is another cognitive distortion discussed by Gina. She shares techniques for reframing thoughts and practicing self-compassion. Mind reading, the act of making assumptions about others' thoughts or motivations, is also tackled in the episode. Gina offers guidance on cultivating open communication and directly asking others for clarification. Throughout the conversation, Gina emphasizes the importance of mindfulness in identifying and challenging these self-defeating beliefs. She encourages listeners to embrace the concept of present-moment awareness and engage in self-reflection. In addition to cognitive distortions, Gina addresses other patterns of thinking, such as catastrophizing and personalization. She stresses the significance of seeking professional guidance or support from loved ones when necessary. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A Second Visit to David and Jill's Tuesday TEAM Training Group at Stanford Last week, you “sat in” on our Tuesday training group at Stanford and learned about two of the four most important techniques in the treatment of perfectionism, or any other Self-Defeating Belief. (For a list of 23 common Self-Defeating Beliefs, click here.) The Cost-Benefit Analysis (CBA): You weight the advantages against the disadvantages of trying to be perfect. The Semantic Technique, to find out how to word your new belief if you decide that your perfectionism belief isn't working for you The purpose of those two techniques is to provide intellectual change. Tonight, you will join us again as we aim for emotional change at the gut level. This will be our agenda for the students in the class you will observe: 1. Please describe an example of a specific time when you felt upset due to perfectionism. What were your negative thoughts? How were you feeling? What was happening? 2. Downward Arrow Technique: Suppose you weren't perfect, or you failed or screwed up in some way. Why would that be upsetting to you? What would that mean to you. 3. Externalization of Voices (Optional: possibly we will do this, maybe just mention it, depending on time.) 4. Experimental Technique / Examine the Evidence 5. Feared Fantasy 6. Wrap-up and Teaching Points As you can see, some exercises will be performed in the large group, with everyone present and contributing, and some exercises will be in the small, breakout groups. The small groups provide more time for participants to practice. We plan on recording both of the small groups so you can observe the training techniques we use for mental health professionals. Last week our focus was motivational, so we asked: is to your advantage to aim for perfection? How will this mind set help you and how will it hurt you? Tonight, one of the key techniques will focus on TRUTH: is it TRUE that you need to aim for perfection? We will be using the Experimental Technique and / or Examine the Evidence to see if we can answer this question. In addition, we will go into an Alice-in-Wonderland Nightmare World and meet an imaginary monster who claims superiority because she or he really is perfect and really has achieved incredibly more than anyone. This can sometimes help us answer two questions: Is it possible to be or become a “more worthwhile” or “superior” human being? Would it be desirable if you could? I hope you enjoyed this new format of “dropping in” on my Tuesday training group at Stanford. Let Rhonda and me know what you think. It was just an experiment, and we want to know what you might have liked or disliked about it. Thanks! Our free weekly Tuesday and Wednesday training groups are open to therapists of all persuasions from all around the world. For information including the requirements, you can contact: Tuesday night training group with David and Jill, Contact Ed Walton: EdWalton100@gmail.com Wednesday mid-day group with Dr. Rhonda Barovsky and Richard Lam, Contact Ana Teresa Silva:  ateresasilva6@gmail.com

Curing YOUR Social Anxiety— The Ridiculously Cheap and Awesome Shame-Attacking Marathon Jacob Towery, MD Michael Luo Today, we are joined by Dr. Jacob Towery and Michael Luo to promote their  upcoming, two-day Social Anxiety Marathon. Jacob Towery, MD is an adolescent and adult psychiatrist and therapist in private practice in Palo Alto, California.  Michael Luo is a fourth year medical student at the Chicago Medical School. More on them at the end of the show notes, but here's the scoop. Jacob and Michael will be offering a mind-blowing, two-day marathon for anyone who struggles with social anxiety, which includes shyness, public speaking anxiety, and performance anxiety. They will both be present, along with more than ten experts in TEAM-CBT, coaching participants in the latest tools for quickly overcoming all social anxiety. And here's the amazing thing. You can come and attend, and transform your life, for only a $20 donation to one of their four listed amazing charities. For information / registration, click here How cool is that? Don't pass this up. It will be an in-person, hands-on training experience designed to free you from the fears that narrow your life. You will learn and participate in cognitive therapy exercises, identifying and smashing the distorted thoughts that trigger social anxiety, as well as the Self-Defeating Beliefs that trigger social anxiety like the Spotlight and Brushfire Fallacies, the Approval Addiction, and more. They will also illustrate and lead you in a wide variety of Interpersonal Exposure Techniques, including Smile and Hello Practice, Self-Disclosure (which Michael demonstrates in real time on today's show), Rejection Practice, Flirting Training, Shame Attacking Exercises, and more. David claims that Jacob is likely the world's top expert in Shame Attacking Exercises, and we illustrate several on the podcast. Rhonda described a Shame Attacking Exercise that I challenged her with. It was incredibly terrifying, but turned out really well! David also described the impact of self-disclosure on a wealthy and powerful businessman he treated who was so insecure that he was even terrified to be around his wife and children. People who are socially anxious nearly always try hard to hide their negative feelings out of a sense of shame, so others, even friends and family and colleagues, typically aren't aware of how they feel inside. Michael courageously discloses his own negative thoughts that triggered feelings of social anxiety at being around Jacob, his mentor. Maybe I'll make a mistake. I might be wasting Jacob's time. Then he might not want to mentor me. These thoughts caused feelings of loneliness and shame. I felt much closer to Michael when he disclose these feelings. Jacob added that he was totally unaware that Michael had been struggling with these thoughts and feelings. The treatment of social anxiety is profoundly serious, because we are involved in changing the lives of people who are suffering and lonely and inhibited, but the treatment can also be fun, hilarious and of course, enlightening. Michael wraps up the show by describing the transformation this training has had on his own life. If you wish to attend, act rapidly because space is limited and will be given out on a first-come, first-serve basis. I hope you can attend, and make sure you let Rhonda and David know about your experiences! Thanks for listening today! Rhonda, Jacob, Michael, and David

Smashing Shyness-- Shame-Attacking and Beyond Come to our Full-Day Workshop on Sunday, October 2, 2022 For therapists and lay people alike Click here for registration and more information Today we interview our beloved Jill Levitt, PhD who will be joining me in teaching the upcoming social anxiety workshop on October 2nd. Jill is the co-leader of my weekly psychotherapy training group at Stanford, and is the co-founder and Director of Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. Social anxiety was one of the most frequent problems that patients sought help for when I was in private practice in Philadelphia. Because of my own severe and persistent social anxiety since childhood, it's my favorite problem, too. Whatever you've had, I can tell you that I've had the exact same thing, too, and know how sucky it can be. I can show you the path to freedom from that affliction, and what a joy that will be! According to the DSM5, there are at least five types of social anxiety: Shyness Public Speaking Anxiety Performance Anxiety. This a broad category that can include athletic or musical performance, or any time you have to demonstrate your skills in front of people who might judge you. For example, I had a severe camera phobia since I was a child, and only got over it a couple years ago! Test Anxiety Shy Bladder / Bowel Syndrome In addition, other negative feelings typically go hand-in-hand with social anxiety, such as shame and loneliness, as well as depression and feelings of inferiority and even hopelessness. This workshop will focus on therapists looking for training. However, the general public are also included, since you will get the chance to practice and work on your own fears during the workshop. I (David) have noticed that feelings of social anxiety, especially performance anxiety, are almost universal among therapists, at least judging from those who attend our weekly TEAM-CBT training group at Stanford. So, come to heal yourself AND to learn how to heal your patients and loved ones. We will be covering not one, but four treatment models for social anxiety in the workshop: 1. The motivational model: Nearly all anxious individuals resist exposure, which is a crucial part of the treatment. Most therapists also resist exposure for a variety of reasons, thinking the patient is too fragile, or the technique will be too dangerous or upsetting for their patients. This is unfortunate, since this pretty much dooms the treatment to failure, especially if you are aiming for a “cure” rather than endless talk and hand-holding. 2. The Cognitive Model. Although usually not completely curative, the Daily Mood Log is essential to treatment, so you can find out exactly what patient are thinking and feeling at one specific moment when they were feeling anxious. I present the case of Jason, a young man feeling shy and anxious while standing in line to check his groceries one Saturday morning at the local grocery store. Many cognitive techniques are incredibly important and useful in the treatment of social anxiety, including Explain the Distortions, the three types of Downward Arrow (uncovering) Techniques, the Double Standard Technique, Externalization of Voices, the Feared Fantasy, and more. Although these methods are helpful and illuminating, they will rarely or never be quite enough for a complete cure. For that you will need: 3. The Exposure Model. In the workshop, we will be teaching: Smile and Hello Practice: In today's podcast Jill discussed the purpose of this technique, how to introduce this technique to your patients, and how to implement it. This is an example of the many techniques we will teach on October 2. David provided a dramatic example of how this humble technique changed the life of a young man from India. Flirting Training Talk Show Host Rejection Practice Feared Fantasy: We role-played how I used this humor-based technique in my work with Jason Self-Disclosure Survey Technique Shame-Attacking Exercises. We will also explain how to use several techniques crucial to the reduction of the patient's resistance: Dangling the Carrot Gentle Ultimatum Sitting with Open Hands Fallback Position However, many therapists have intense resistance to making patient accountable with these techniques that are absolutely central to TEAM-CBT, thinking they are cruel or crude or narcissistic, or some such thing. In the podcast, Jill illustrates a beautiful and gentle but firm way of introducing these techniques to patients, and emphasizes that they are actually ethical, therapeutic, and necessary for a good outcome. She also emphasizes, and I totally agree, the importance of going with the patient into the real world to do the Exposure Techniques. I have used extreme exposure techniques on hundreds of occasions when treating anxious colleagues on Sunday hikes for example, urging them to stop hikers we meet and disclose their own shyness, for example. The advantages of doing this type of thing in the real world include the ability to coach the “patient” with the best examples of how to use whatever technique you're advocating, and to be there to support the patient during and after the experience. 4. The Hidden Emotion Model. This technique is often extremely helpful in the treatment of any form of anxiety, but is perhaps less often used in the treatment of social anxiety. I can think of one example when it was extremely helpful. This was a woman whose boss kept pressuring her to give presentations about their company locally and to groups in other locations as well. She opted out because of her social anxiety. But lurking behind her symptoms were her feelings of resentment about being asked to do too much. Once she brought these feelings to conscious awareness, she decided to discuss his expectations, her feelings, and her compensation with her boss. This worked well, and her public speaking anxiety magically disappeared. Although this pattern is not common, it is always worth consideration in your treatment plan, because family and friends often pressure people with social anxiety to confront their fears, and this typically does trigger feelings of resentment and resistance. We also discussed two Self-Defeating Beliefs that are nearly universal in individuals with social anxiety: the Spotlight and Brushfire Fallacies. In the podcast, I give examples of several techniques that were life-changing for patients. Jill emphasizes that one of the underlying treatment themes is how to “wake up” from your trance so you can learn not to take yourself so seriously and begin to have fun and enjoy yourself and others way more. Improvement is not the goal of treatment. The goal of treatment is word that many mental health professionals fear and resent: CURE! In the podcast, I describe the difference between a 100% cure for any form of anxiety, and a 200% cure. Do you know the difference? I give an example of my own fear of heights when I was in high school. Of course, that's a phobia, and not a form of social anxiety, but you can also have a 200% cure for social anxiety, too! In a 100% cure your fears go to zero. You are no longer particularly anxious about talking to strangers, or public speaking, for example. In a 200% cure, you come to LOVE the very thing that terrified you in the past. Rhonda, Jill and I think this will be a powerful one day experience. We will focus on a common problem that is usually treatable fairly quickly, and often with fabulous and life-changing results. We hope you can join us! For registration information, please go to: CBTforSocialAnxiety.com Thanks! Jill, Rhonda, and David

Self-defeating beliefs = negative views you hold about yourself & how life happens around you.  But I want to share what these beliefs are so you can become aware of when one starts to consume you.Show Notes:It's so easy to get in our own way. So much so, that we think we are doing the most for the best outcome, but it's really just causing us more grief than necessary & we get in our own way when it could have been much simpler. But I'm also bringing this up because I thought it would be a fun topic to do a series on for TikTok, but there is only so much knowledge you can put in short videos, so I wanted to flush it out more here on the podcast. But the short form TikTok version will be helpful if you just need it in your back pocket as a reminder.A few months ago I did an episode on self-sabotage & getting out of your own way. In that episode, I went into what it looks like if you are self-sabotaging & steps to take to work on that mindset & behavior. Today's episode is going to be different than that because instead of sharing tips on how to stop self-sabotage, I will be talking about the mindset & beliefs we have that are self-defeating. But if you would like more information about self-sabotage & how to release yourself from that behavior, listen to episode 388.But let's chat about self-defeating beliefs & mindsets. These are negative beliefs about yourself & what's going on around you. Heavily based in your perspective of the world around you & clouded by bias thinking. And right off the bat we know that if we are only seeing the world through our own perspective we will miss a lot & get stuck viewing the world the way we know best. Usually this is negative because negative thinking is easier than positive or even neutral thinking. And these beliefs can affect your self-esteem, how you behave in relationships with others & the status of your self-worth. It's a version of getting in your own way because it prevents you from even trying most times or getting caught up in focusing on things that don't matter as much.One of the best ways to tackle a belief system & mindset that is no longer serving you is to become aware of how it shows up in your life. Once you know what to look for, you can acknowledge it when it happens & use that awareness as a trigger to shift your thinking towards something more helpful. For example, if you struggle with believing life should always be easy for you, when those moments in life where you do end up going through struggles you don't believe you deserve, you can acknowledge that mindset & shift to the belief that life will be difficult at times, but those experiences will strengthen us & prepare you for what happens in the future. Here are 10 Self-Defeating Beliefs to be aware of & not let consume you:PerfectionismFear of Rejection People Pleasing Entitlement HopelessnessNeeding Approval & Validation Close Mindedness Fixed Mindset Fear of Feelings & Emotions Brushfire Fallacy Anonymous Venting: https://www.sabrinajoy.com/resourcesRSVP for the NEW PLANNER!! https://www.sabrinajoy.com/plannersignupVisit me on Instagram or TikTok: @sabrinajoyperozzoAnonymous survey for topic suggestions: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScqcg0URMsH61Evk_3SiSURBkNuk5aUZVo97H5nuLVB0q36Iw/viewform?usp=sf_linkQuestions, comments, or feedback? Email Me: realpositivegirlpodcast@gmail.com Sign up for my weekly newsletter https://www.sabrinajoy.com/newsletter!Support the show

306: Ask David: Featuring Matt May, MD 1. Kevin asks: Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline Personality Disorder”? 2. Brittany asks: How do you deal with the injustice of people who rip you off without giving you credit? 3. Paul asks: Is there a way to know if I have done the Hidden Emotion Technique correctly? Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1. Kevin asks: Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline Personality Disorder”? Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline”? What are keys to being in a relationship with someone that exhibits some of these characteristics? Is it a lost cause? Is borderline personality disorder bullshit and simply a result of assumptions such as “I need love to be worthwhile” as indicated in your books? Best, Kevin David's reply Great question, here are a couple brief responses off the top of my head: "Healthy" exists on a continuum. In my experience, the therapeutic relationship with a patient diagnosed with BPD exists on a continuum, it is not all-or=nothing, and you can have excellent interactions, but this often requires great diligence and skill in the use of the five Secrets of Effective Communication. I have not observed any unique relationship between the Love Addiction and BPD. That's because the "need" for love is pervasive in our culture, and is, in fact, one of the most common Self-Defeating Beliefs. I do believe that Other-Blame (along with Self-Blame) is a common feature of BPD, along with the unwillingness to be accountable and to have tow work hard and consistently for recovery. I have had a number of patients with BPD threaten suicide if I asked them to do psychotherapy homework, for example. At my clinical in Philadelphia, we diagnosed the ten personality disorders prospectively, at the intake evaluation, and depressed patient with and without BPD improved at almost the same rate during the first 12 weeks when treated by the forerunner of TEAM-CBT, when controlling for severity of initial depression. I published this surprising finding in the top journal for clinical psychology research, the JCCP, but it got little attention for some reason, and some of the reviewers of the article were critical of this finding which they found difficult to believe or accept. DBT has been the "go-to" method for BPD, and BPD therapists may think that CBT / TEAM-CBT would or could not be helpful. Still, I am grateful for DBT welcoming such patients and helping them, when so many therapists avoid these patients! At my clinic in Philadelphia, something in the range of 28% of our patients were diagnosed with BPD at intake. david Matt's Reply: I'm really just guessing, but perhaps Kevin is feeling quite sad, worried and hopeless, about his relationship. Perhaps he's been treated badly and is also angry and scared that this will continue to happen in his current relationship. If so, he might be having thoughts like, ‘This relationship will always be terrible' or ‘They will continue to hurt me and disrespect me and treat me badly' of maybe, ‘This is their fault, they have Borderline Personality!'. This is only a guess, but if it were the case, I would imagine Kevin could use a great deal of empathy and listening, right about now. It is possible he has been treated terribly or even abused. His partner may indeed meet the criteria for BPD, in which case they would be tremendously sensitive and frequently reactive and prone to unhealthy expressions of anger. Perhaps Kevin has displayed tremendous patience and tried very hard in the relationship, which would be admirable, but only amplify his disappointment when the same hurtful patterns continue. Kevin may even feel worthless, if he believes that the way he is being treated by others is an indicator of his worth as a person. I feel for you, Kevin, and hope you're getting the Empathy you need. I think there is a lot we could offer someone in this situation, in addition to Empathy, as well. We certainly have the technology, in TEAM, to alleviate the worthless feelings, the anxiety and worry, the feelings of anger and hopelessness, etc. and to replace these with a sense of confidence, joy and optimism. We could also offer skills that that one could use to substantially improve the quality of their relationship. Meanwhile, there are many reasons why someone would prefer to maintain very high levels of hopelessness, anger and worry and low self-esteem in this context. For example, as a protection against getting hurt again. Or they might not want to like and admire themselves if their partner is dissatisfied with them. We've also discussed, on the podcast, how tempting and seductive Blame can be. When we tell ourselves, ‘It's their fault, they have Borderline Personality Disorder', this type of thought can give us pleasant feelings of superiority. Kevin may not have any of these thoughts or feelings. My point is that, before trying to ‘help' someone in Kevin's shoes, I'd certainly want to explore all the good reasons he would want to continue to feel extremely upset and all the good things this says about his sensibilities and values. In addition to Empathy and an exploration of Resistance, one tool that is sometimes helpful in this situation is the Decision Making Form. This is a simple but powerful tool, available online, thanks to David's generosity, which one can use to compare and consider, with great care, the three options they have in a relationship: continue the status quo, end the relationship or take personal responsibility for improving the relationship. There would be pro's and con's to each of these options. Meanwhile, you will notice that there's one option that is NOT on that list, which is to change the other person. Trying to change the other person, blaming them, is the cause of relationship problems and another version of the ‘status quo'. For the sake of argument, let's imagine Kevin, or someone like him, is convincingly talking back to the resistance. Maybe he also does the ‘Relationship Journal' and he experiences the death of the blaming self, witnesses how his behavior is causing the problem, etc., this would be a tremendous achievement, but, I would still have some questions: Would they want to feel better, now, or would they want to wait until after they have a better relationship? Would they want to embrace and accept and love their partner, now, flaws-and-all … or would they prefer to keep their guard up, until things improve? Are they still needing the other person to change, in some subtle way? The reason I'd have to ask these questions is because of my own limitation: I can only help someone feel better in this moment, the way things are, right now. Similarly, I can only help someone improve their relationship, in this moment, while their partner is still treating them badly. When people are open to these terms, their lives and relationships can transform in beautiful ways. They can come to appreciate and love themselves and others, just as they are. David, you've said that's the paradoxical first step towards improvement, I think. 2. Brittany asks: How do you deal with the injustice of people who rip you off without giving you credit? Hi Dr. Burns! I hear you say often how it upsets you that people use your work and don't give you acknowledgment or credit for it. I wondered how you deal with your thoughts like the unfairness or injustice of it. Or maybe you don't want to deal with those thoughts because the anger helps you in some way? Like it motivates you to create more content & host more trainings etc. so people know the ideas come from you. I was just curious. I deal with similar issues at work where I work really hard for an outcome and then once it happens other employees will take credit for it or just plain ignore the fact that I played any role. I think hearing how you deal with not getting acknowledged would help me too. Thank you, Brittany David's reply Thanks, Brittany, and good to hear from you again! Maybe we can make this an Ask David. I've been ripped off so much that I try to ignore it, since it would consume a great deal of energy. We may take legal steps once we raise money for our Feeling Good App. For the most part, I always have so much to do, and try to keep moving the ball forward. But yes, I DO get ticked off at people. Plagiarism was considered a severe violation when I grew up, and I still view it that way. Of course, all around the world we can see a tremendous amount of horror and evil being perpetuated by humans. I once asked Dr. Albert Elis a similar question, since Wayne Dwyer ripped him off. His answer was: "I just tell myself that Wayne Dwyer was an asshole, so he was just doing what he SHOULD do, since that's what assholes do! David D. Burns, MD Matt's Reply: This question is for David, not me. However, I would like to express my deepest and most sincere gratitude to David. David has dedicated his life in the service of improving the lives of others. He has published over a hundred scientific articles and revolutionized the practice of psychotherapy in the form of the TEAM model, as well as publishing at least 12 books, including Feeling Good, the most-prescribed book for depression. He has traveled the globe to offer training seminars to therapists, as well as offering free training to countless students, trainees, residents, PsyD's and psychologists in his groups, including his ongoing Tuesday training group. It is disturbing and upsetting that someone like David, who has offered so much, would be a target for plagiarism and theft and I admire him for continuing his work, despite all of that. 3. Paul asks: Is there a way to know if I have done the Hidden Emotion Technique correctly? Hi Dr. Burns, It blows my mind how simple yet logical TEAM CBT is. And I am really excited about potential of the app, and I sincerely hope that this will be a revolution in field of psychology and psychotherapy. I really enjoy reading Feeling Great, but some techniques I find complicated. I would like to ask, is there a way to know if I did Hidden Emotion Technique correctly ? Also, I would like to ask if fear of mental illness does count as hypochondriasis as well. At the end I would like to say, that I really appreciate your work Dr. Burns, and I hope that your work will spread around the world and get recognition it deserves, so even more people can be healed. Paul David's reply Thanks for the kind words, Paul. I will try to include this in an upcoming Ask David segment! Matt's reply You asked if you did the Hidden Emotion technique correctly. They say that the proof is in the pudding. Do you feel better? Are you experiencing relief? Keep in mind that the Hidden Emotion technique is one of many and may not be the correct method for some individuals. Also, for it to ‘work' will require not only revealing the hidden emotion, but discovering how to address that emotion. Will you use cognitive techniques to untwist the thinking that is causing this emotion? Will you use the 5-Secrets to respectfully communicate that emotion in a productive way? Will you make a decision about your future that will correct the problem? There are lots of options, but the outcome, if the Hidden Emotion is successful, will be relief. You also asked if worrying about having a mental illness counts as hypochondriasis. The nice thing about this model is that I get to admire you for having all kinds of hypochondriacal worries about your mental health and point out how it's a ‘solution' rather than a ‘problem' and how such worrying speaks highly of you, how responsible you are, how much you care and how much you value your mental health. I'd need you to convince me that it's a problem!

284: Ask David, Featuring Matt May, MD Defeating your Self-Defeating Beliefs. Help with fear. Dealing with people who gossip. Today, Rhonda, Matt and David answer three challenging questions submitted by fans like you. Caroline asks: I've done Cost Benefit Analyses (CBAs) for many of my SDBs (Self-Defeating Beliefs), and the disadvantages greatly outweigh the advantages? What's the next step? Al asks: Can you help me with fear? Khoi asks: How do you deal with colleagues who gossip about your boss? Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1: Caroline asks: I've done Cost Benefit Analyses (CBAs) for many of my SDBs (Self-Defeating Beliefs), and the disadvantages greatly outweigh the advantages? What's the next step? Hi David I finally got all the CBAs from my Self-Defeating Beliefs done. I have a ton of them. I also did a CBA on Self-acceptance and a CBA on Self-Criticism. I found out, that the disadvantages of my Self-Defeating Beliefs are massively higher than the advantages. Only with Self-Acceptance the Advantages were much higher than the Disadvantages. Now that I have got all these CBAs done, what do I do with my findings? Do I rewrite my Self-Defeating Belief into something more realistic or lets say, into something with acceptance? Thanks for your help! Many greetings Caroline David's reply Great work. Yes, you can, as a first step, or next step, rewrite each belief so the disadvantages disappear, and you get to keep the advantages. This will be different for each person, and it is called the Semantic Technique, but here is an example: SDB: Achievement Addiction: My worthwhileness depends on my productivity and achievements. Revised version: I can enjoy working hard and being productive, but my “worthwhileness” as a human being does not depend on my successes, failures, or hard work. There are many things in life I can love and enjoy. It isn't just all about achievement and productivity. I can learn from failures and mistakes. They make me more “human,” and not “worthless” or even “less worthwhile.” In fact, I have no desire or need to be “worthwhile.” It's a nonsensical, meaningless concept. People don't much care about how “worthwhile” I am. They care about how I treat them! That's just an example of how I deal with this particular belief. Giving up the “Achievement Addiction” actually helps me achieve more, because the pressure and the anxiety is gone. But I still enjoy working and creating stuff! Another dimension has to do with giving up the habit of beating up on yourself. We are talking about depression and inadequacy here. It touches also on anxiety, but anxiety can have other SDBs as well. d 2: Al asks: Can you help me with fear? Dr Burns, I need help with fear. Can you send me podcasts dealing with that subject? Thank you very much. David's reply Tell me which of the many already published, and available via search function on my website, you have already listened to? And how much of my book, When Panic Attacks, have you read? May make this an Ask David, since it seems lots of folks are not using the massive free resources I've already developed. Have you take the free anxiety test and course on my website, feelinggood.com? The free anxiety course is, in fact, a compilation of some of the best podcasts on fear. david 3: Khoi asks: How do you deal with people who gossip about your boss? Hello Dr Burns, Thanks for your time to write so many great books and creating this podcast. I am from Vietnam and know about you and your book thanks to the publisher to translate into Vietnamese. When I read your book, it is very simple fact but very true at the same time. I wonder how can I not know about your book earlier? Actually, I read a lot of self-help books but I find most would say about what should I become or be, but don't really show me how to do it. As you said, the idea I feel because I thought is not new, but I don't know how to change my thought and beliefs after reading these books. Your books show me simple techniques but very useful and effective. And I really like your 5 Secrets of Effective Communication, especially these podcasts, because it helps me understand more clearly. One difficult situation that I don't know how to apply, is when somebody attacks somebody else, not me. For example, my colleague criticizes my boss (behind his back) via email message or face to face with me. I am afraid if I agree with her, my boss might think I talked behind his back too. So, should I just keep silent for this case because she does not attack me? Another situation is when 2 people attack each other, like 2 of my staff argue with each other, and I cannot agree with one side because it will make the others get mad with me. Do you have any advice on this? Thanks Dr Burns. David's reply Good question, and I will include in an Ask David, if that is okay. My short answer is that in most situations, and especially in a business environment, I do not try to "help" other people who are arguing or not getting along. That is simply asking for trouble and push back. When someone is bad mouthing another person, you can possibly use Feeling Empathy and say "it sounds like you're pretty unhappy with person X, and I know that can be uncomfortable when you're not getting along with someone," or some such general comment. Then you could distract the person with some Stroking, like "I really admired your report at the company meeting," or some such thing. We can check with Rhonda and Matt and see what they think on the live podcast. In a personal situation, you could use an "I Feel" situation, like "I actually get along with person X, but of course we all have our flaws, or some such thing. But in a work environment, I think you are right that it is important to play it safe and to be thoughtful about interactions with colleagues! So, I commend you on your excellent questions, even though I might not yet have the best answer for you! David  Rhonda, Matt, and David

  #278: Buddhist Strategies for Financial Abundance, Featuring Zeina Halim Jan 24, 2022 Today, we feature the work of Zeina Halim, a beloved member and small group leader in our Tuesday training group at Stanford, who specializes in the treatment of anxiety.  This is Zeina's third appearance on our podcast. Previously she helped us with a fabulous program on family conflicts at the start of the pandemic (Corona Cast 3, 4-06-2020) and later did live some personal work on one of the Self-Defeating Beliefs, the Achievement Addiction (Podcasts 211, 10-12-2020, and 212, 10-19-2020).  Today Zeina brings us something radically different: Buddhist Strategies for Financial Abundance. What in the world does that mean, and why should you care?  She starts by describing her study of Buddhist practices, and cites some books that have inspired her, including The Diamond Cutter:  The Buddha on Managing Your Business and Your Life, by Geshe Michael Roach.   Zeina explains the quasi-mystical concept of “Karma,” which is the idea that you get what you give. In other words, the energy and spirit you convey to others, and to the universe, will come back to you. For example, when clients who are not a good fit for her practice contact her, Zeina goes out of her way to help those clients find a great fit with another therapist.   This “Karmic practice,” she explains, has paradoxically caused many patients to suddenly seem to show up, asking for treatment. In other words, when she meets the needs of others, the universe meets her needs.  She says that she doesn't need to do very much at all of the kinds of traditional marketing that most other therapists do in an attempt to build their practices. This “karmic practice” has been mostly sufficient and far more effective than traditional marketing methods. This is a theme that I (David) resonated with, since I also give away almost everything for free, and have received an abundance of positive and loving gifts from the universe in return. Zeina cautions that this, and all Buddhist practices, must be done with balance and thoughtfulness: “When I started, I gave too much, and this can actually cause self-harm.”  She said that some people have raised the question: “But isn't this an inherently selfish practice, since you are hoping for abundance for yourself?”  Her response to this is that when you receive financial abundance, you can give even more to others for free.  She also described another book of Geshe Michael Roach's, The Karma of Love, where you try to give to the other person and meet their needs instead of worrying about whether they're loving you enough or meeting your needs.  In a previous relationship, this led to inner peace and, paradoxically, she felt much more loved, although nothing observable had changed in the way her partner treated her. The change in her feeling loved all came from changes SHE made, not her partner. This aligns very closely with the TEAM-CBT approach to relationships, as well as the teachings of most religions. We also discussed group TEAM-CBT vs. individual therapy.  I described my phenomenal experiences in Philadelphia creating a large intensive group therapy program at my hospital, which was in a rough, inner city neighborhood. Most of our patients had few resources, and many could not read or write. Some were homeless. The program was more or less free to all of them, and our patients and their families gave us so much in return.  I was absolutely thrilled that Zeina also loves doing therapy in groups. Many patients and therapists alike think of group therapy as a kind of inferior approach, but my experience has been the opposite. If given the choice, I'd treat everyone in groups. Zeina will be starting a TEAM-CBT anxiety group within a week of this podcast. The group will focus on all the anxiety disorders, such as chronic worrying, shyness, phobias, OCD, PTSD, and more. There will be one group for adults and one for young adults, aged 18-24. If you're interested, feel free to text Zeina at 1-408-412-5678, email her at ZeinaHalimTherapy@gmail.com or visit her website at ZeinaHalimTherapy.com  As an aside, we'll find out if Zeina's Buddhist Karmic Marketing works. She did not ask me to promote her group. I just decided to promote it a little bit because I'm so excited about what she's doing, and I hope her practice grows and prospers to the max!  Thanks for joining us today! If you like what we're doing, tell your friends about the podcasts. Your word of mouth is our main and only source of marketing. This year, we'll see the five millionth download of our podcasts. Thanks so much for your support and for making it all happen!  Rhonda, Zeina and David

Listen to Dr. David Burns, a luminary in the field of mental health, in conversation with Prof. Hitendra Wadhwa, exclusively on Intersections. They have a discussion on the vast potential that we all have within us to transcend anxiety and depression and infuse greater joy in our life by taking small, practical steps to strengthen our inner world. You will learn about how we can bring about dramatic improvements in our emotional and mental health by changing our thoughts and behaviors.

A Country Doctor, Part 1 of 2: "Nothing I do makes a difference!" This is the first of two podcasts on one of the live therapy demonstrations that Dr. Jill Levitt and I did at our psychotherapy workshop on Sunday, May 16th, 2021. I think you will find the session interesting and incredibly inspiring! Our patient is a physician in a small town in the mid-west. I want to thank Dr. Scherer for her tremendous courage in sharing this very personal experience with all of us. Dr. Levitt practices at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California, where she also serves as Director of Clinical Training. She also teaches at our weekly TEAM-CBT training group as Stanford. I am thrilled to share the audio of Jillian's live session as a two-part podcast, since only mental health professionals are allowed to attend the workshops sponsored by the Feeling Good Institute. Many non-therapists were eager to attend, and disappointed when they learned that only shrinks could attend. But this gives all of you the chance to hear what you missed, and I think you will NOT be disappointed! When Jill and I asked for volunteers for the live demonstrations in the workshop, Jillian was the first to respond with an offer to volunteer. This was her email, describing her situation.. Hi Dr. Burns, I am writing to you offering to be a volunteer for the live demonstrations in the workshop on 5/16, if you need one. I am learning TEAM CBT, and have been enjoying it personally as well as trying to do more of it professionally. I am a family medicine physician, but I have my own direct primary care clinic. This means that I can spend 1-2 hours with a patient if needed. I have been slowly offering this to patients who want to do the work to improve their mood or anxiety. As for why I am writing, my anxiety and need to please people is huge and disruptive to my enjoyment of life. I keep striving and achieving things likely to get the attention of others. I fear not knowing the answer and making a mistake with my patients. This had caused me to develop anxiety and insomnia at my last job. I sought counseling and physician coaching, but ultimately I wound up leaving that job, moving to another state [due to intense stress and demands of that job], and starting my own practice. My current practice is going well, but I am annoyed when patients come in or call with questions I don't know the answer to. I constantly worry that I will not be able to figure something out by myself and that the patients will leave me. In addition, I continually strive for [yet another] training certificate. As you know, I did medical school, residency, and fellowship, but I also have a lactation consultant certificate, training in lifestyle medicine, and now a Level 1 TEAM-CBT certificate with enough hours for Level 2, and most recently I started a 3-year program to become a pastor for our church. And I realize that I will not have the time to sustain all of these. It is as if I love the journey of getting the certificates, but I am not great at implementing them, so I move on to something else. As for the rest of life, I have a great life, but I am melancholy most of the time. My husband is terrific, sensitive, understanding, loving, and yet, I am constantly reading marriage books because I think it could be better. My 2 children, aged 8 and 4, are smart and funny, but I live constantly thinking I am going to screw them up and so I read even more parenting books. My family medicine practice is thriving and offers me part-time work at great pay with autonomy, yet I dread Monday mornings. Overall, my life should be an A+ and enjoyable, but somehow I make it seem like everything is going wrong all the time. I have sought counseling and even TEAM-CBT earlier this year via teletherapy from FGI. I continue to do a Daily Mood Log about 3-4 times a week. I feel like we got so far, but not to complete recovery. My FGI therapist was the eighth therapist I have been to, but the others were mainly talk therapists. I just thought I would reach out in the hope that maybe you need a volunteer, and maybe I would have the opportunity to work with you live. It would be nice if my anxiety and faulty core beliefs didn't steal my joy. Sincerely, Jillian As you can see, Jillian is an incredibly dedicated physician, but feels like she is never doing enough for her patients. At the start of her session, she described her incredibly stressful previous job, when she was often on call for 72 hours at a time, often going long hours without sleep. She said, “I used to walk to work, hoping I'd get hit by a car.” Although, as you saw in her email, she finally quit, and set up her own practice in another state, she continued to struggle with depression and the belief that she wasn't doing enough. Her constant self-criticisms robbed her of happiness, in spite of the fact that she had a fabulous practice, superb medical and human skills, and a wonderful husband and children. Her unhappiness confirms what Epictetus taught us nearly 2,000 years ago: we are upset, not by things, or events, but by our views of them. In this case, the facts of Jillian's life are all stellar. In fact, she rates her life and practice as A+. And yet, she was still lacking in the most important dimension: happiness and self-esteem. Because of her constant and intense feelings of insecurity, Jillian heroically pursued more and more specialty trainings and certifications, thinking that eventually she would develop feelings of competence, confidence, and happiness. She even enrolled in a three-year training program to become a minister, in addition to enrolling in the certification and training program for TEAM-CBT, and more. But nothing was ever enough. That's because, as the sages have taught through the ages, the answer is within. No amount of expertise or accomplishments will ever solve Jillian's problem. Jillian's life was perhaps like trying to get the elusive brass ring on the Merry Go Round, except her ride was far from merry. She told us that she sometimes had fantasies of escaping to a remote tropical island. Perhaps you, too, have sometimes felt like you're not good enough, or that you or your accomplishments are just not good enough. Let us know what you think about the answer that Jillian found in front of a live audience that day, and whether it might apply to you as well. In today's podcast, you will hear the first portion of her session (T = Testing and E = Empathy), and next week you will hear the fantastic conclusion (A = Assessment of Resistance) and M = Methods.) T = Testing To get started, take a look at the Daily Mood Log that Jillian shared with us at the start of her session. As you can see, Jillian's negative feelings were all intense. You would not have known how powerful her suffering was if you had met her in her daily life. In person, she comes across as you might expect from her email: exceptionally warm, thoughtful, human, conscientious and likeable. That's one of the really important reasons for Testing. You can see exactly what you're dealing with, in terms of the type and severity of negative feelings. In addition, we'll ask Jillian to rate her feelings again at the end of the session. That way, we'll know how effective—or ineffective—the session was. This information can sometimes be humbling, but it is always illuminating. Neither Jill nor I could conceive of doing therapy without the Testing! At the end, we'll also ask her to rate us on Empathy, Helpfulness and other dimensions using exceptionally sensitive scales that can highlight even the smallest therapeutic errors that the therapist would not otherwise be aware of. E = Empathy During the empathy phase of the session, Jill and I empathized while Jillian described her struggles with negative feelings and a lack of happiness and self-confidence. During the empathy portion, I did the downward arrow technique to learn more about Jillian's fears and Self-Defeating Beliefs. The goal was not to change Jillian, but simply to understand the root of her suffering at a deeper level. We started with the thought, “I should know how to fix people who come to me with a problem like depression, anxiety, headaches, or headaches, or even the lack of money to pay for the medications I prescribe.” Here's how the Downward Arrow dialogue evolved: David: And if you sometimes do not have the solution for your patients, what does that mean to you? Why is that upsetting to you? Jillian: Then people will be disappointed and leave me. David: And then what? What are you the most afraid of? Jillian: My practice will deteriorate. David: And then? Jillian: My patients will think I'm a failure. David: What would happen then? What are you the most afraid of? Jillian: Then the whole town will think I'm a failure. David: Of course, no one would want something like that to happen, but we might all experience it differently? What would that mean to you if the whole town thought you were a failure? Why would that be upsetting to you? Jillian: That would mean I'm a loser. David: And if that were true, what would that mean to you? Jillian: That would mean that I don't mean anything to anybody. David: And then? What would happen if you didn't mean anything to anybody? Jillian: Then there'd be no point in life. That was pretty much the bottom of the barrel. The purpose of the Downward Arrow Technique is to uncover the Self-Defeating Beliefs at the root of your suffering. Once you've generated your Downward Arrow list, all you have to do is review it, and then look at my list of 23 Common Self-Defeating Beliefs and circle all the ones that seem to fit. As an exercise, you might want to take a look at the list and see how many you can find before you see the ones that Jillian found! Here's Jillian's list: Perfectionism Perceived Perfectionism Achievement Addiction Approval Addiction Fear of Rejection Pleasing Others (Submissiveness) Worthlessness Spotlight Fallacy Brushfire Fallacy Superwoman A Country Doctor, Part 2 of 2 A = Assessment of Resistance At the end of the moving and tearful empathy phase, we asked Jillian about her goals for the session, which included the ability to enjoy my work to give away all of my certificates set limits with my patients feel happy with what I do not have to fear my work anymore! After Jillian said she would be willing to press the Magic Button to achieve all these goals instantly if we had one, we suggested Positive Reframing first. to see what might be lost of she suddenly achieved all these goals. You can creview the Positive Reframing that we did together. Here's Jillian's Emotions table at the end of Positive Reframing, showing her goals for each emotion when we used the Magic Dial. The idea is to dial each feeling down to a lower level that would reduce your suffering while still allowing you to preserve all the awesome things about you!   Emotions % Now % Goal % After Emotions % Now % Goal % After Sad, blue, down, unhappy 80 15   Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious 50 10   Anxious, nervous 90 20   Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing 100 0   Bad 70 0   Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated 90 5   Inferior, inadequate, incompetent 95 5   Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious 100 10     Jillian said that the Positive Reframing really opened her up, especially when we read the list of positives out loud. It kind of shocked her in a good way so see that her negative feelings were not really problems, defects, or symptoms of one or more “mental disorders,” but the expression of what was most beautiful and awesome about her as a human being, and as a physician. This Positive Reframing is one of the unique aspects of TEAM-CBT. Although we are encouraging the patient to keep the symptoms, rather than pressing the Magic Button that makes them disappear, it paradoxically eliminates or drastically reduces the resistance to change, and opens the door to the possibility of ultra-rapid recovery. M = Methods We asked Jillian what Negative Thought she wanted to work on first, and she chose #9: “I'm not having a big enough impact.” She believed this thought 100%. First, we asked Jillian to identify and explain the cognitive distortions in this thought, and she focused on these: Should Statement; Self-Blame, All-or-Nothing Thinking, Mental Filtering, and Discounting the Positive. In retrospect, I think I spotted two additional distortions: Emotional Reading (I feel I'm not having a positive impact, so I must not be having a positive impact) and Mind-Reading (my patients expect me to have the answers to all their problems and judge me when I don't have all the answers.) Then we challenged the Negative Thought, and Jillian she was able, with a little help and a role reversal, to crush it, as you can see here. Usually, crushing one Negative Thought is about all you really have to do, because once the patient blows one Negative Thought out of the water, there is usually a kind of “cognitive click,” and the brain suddenly changes, and all the positive circuits suddenly get fired up. It's amazing to behold, and you will hear it for yourself! The dam did suddenly break, and Jillian could clobber the rest of her Negative Thoughts fairly easily, using a combination of Self-Defense, Self-Acceptance, and a lot of the CAT technique. She suddenly appeared to be a radically and delightfully different person during the Externalization of Voices. You can see her feelings on the Emotions table at the end of the session. Emotions % Now % Goal % After Emotions % Now % Goal % After Sad, blue, down, unhappy 80 15 0 Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious 50 10 0 Anxious, nervous 90 20 0 Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing 100 0 0 Bad 70 0 0 Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated 90 5 0 Inferior, inadequate, incompetent 95 5 0 Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious 100 10 0 Jillian's scores on my Happiness Test on the Brief Mood Survey also soared to 100% and her ratings of Jill and David on Empathy and Helpfulness tests were also perfect. After the workshop, Jillian sent this email. Hi Jill and David, As I drove home tonight from my office, I actually felt like my heart had been opened. My chest didn't feel as tight and locked-up like it normally does. It felt so relaxed. I put my baseball cap on, rolled the windows down, and listened to 90's country music (my favorite) on my drive and sang loudly. I have spent the last hour checking my new superpowers. There have been negative thoughts, but telling them to "shut the heck up. I am not listening to you" has been quite liberating. I even was greeted by my 4 year old when I got out of the car. I knelt down and hugged her without the worry of being a rotten mom, but rather one of feeling like I am the perfect mom for her, flaws and all. Thank you for this opportunity. I took a chance to email you in the first place after listening to a podcast weeks ago. I thought there would be no chance in heck that I would be selected. I am glad I had this remarkable opportunity and grateful to have worked with both of you. Much love and admiration, Jillian I hope you enjoy it as much as we did. Again, a big hug and thanks to the star or our podcast, Dr. Jillian Scherer who gave us all an incredible gift today! Thanks for listening. I hope you learned a ton and were moved emotionally. Write and let us know what you think! Rhonda, Jill, Jillian, and David

Join us in our opening segment where we discuss grief and a Billion dollars. in our main topic we discuss Self-defeating Beliefs.  Speak on it segment in full effect. 

  Announcements: Feeling Great Book Club We're excited to announce a Feeling Great Book Club for anyone in the world, supporting people in reading and learning from David Burns' powerful and healing TEAM-CBT book Feeling Great with questions and answers, exercises and discussions in large and small groups. It will meet online for an hour at a time for 16 weeks on Wednesdays starting March 17 at 9am and 5pm Pacific Time - which should allow for fairly reasonable hours from anywhere in the world. Note that the group is intended to provide education but NOT therapy or treatment. Cost is 8$ per session paid in advance, but people will be able to pay whatever they can comfortably afford and no one will be turned away for lack of finances. The group will be primarily led by Brandon Vance, a psychiatrist who is a level 4 TEAM therapy trainer who has studied with David Burns since 2011. Please go to https://www.feelinggreattherapycenter.com/book-club to find out more and to register. Your Book Club Teacher: Brandon Vance, MD Upcoming Virtual Workshops February 28, Self-Defeating Beliefs: How to Identify and Modify Them, a one day workshop for mental health professionals. 7 CE credits. Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt, sponsored by FGI, Mt. View Click here for more information including registration!   March 24, 2021, Feeling Great: A New, High-Speed Treatment for Depression and Anxiety. A One-Day Workshop by David Burns, MD. sponsored by Jack Hirose & Associates, Vancouver Click here for more information including registration!   April 7, 2021, Bringing TEAM-CBT to Life in Real Time, by David D. Burns, MD. A Half-Day Live Therapy Demonstration Sponsored by Jack Hirose & Associates, Vancouver Click here for more information including registration!   Today's Questions Brian asks: Can negative thoughts lead to high blood pressure? Thank you Jim asks: I’m having panic attacks! What should I do? Adam asks: Shouldn’t we get rid of the terms, “Positive Thoughts” and “Self-Defeating Beliefs?” Phil asks: Hi David and Rhonda! Is it necessary to write out the distortions in your DML or would you get the same benefit by just plowing through with positive thoughts, realizing that your negative thoughts contain loads of distortions? Nandini asks: How do I get your Decision-Making Tool for help with habits and addictions? A man from France asks: After listening to Podcast 003: E = Empathy — Does It Really Make a Difference?: “How do we do when the person, we are having a conversation with does not feel comfortable in sharing his/her feelings and thoughts, or does not know how to deal with feelings and thoughts when hearing them? Thomas asks: What would you say to a person who wants more ego strength.? * * * Brian asks: Can negative thoughts lead to high blood pressure? Thank you Thanks Brian. I don’t know the answer to your excellent question. One big problem is that much, if not all, of this type of research is of pretty poor quality. When I review research articles, my focus is not on “what are the implications of these findings,” but rather on “what are the flaws in this research study?” Usually, the flaws are so severe, at least to my way of thinking, that the findings are not worth interpreting. I apologize for this answer, as it is way less exciting than speculation! On minor point would be that if you believe negative thoughts, you will experience feelings like depression, anxiety, anger, and so forth. So the real question would focus on whether elevations in negative feelings are associated with increases in blood pressure. One common phenomenon is that some people get very anxious when their blood pressure is measured, and this, it appears, can lead to temporary blood pressure elevations. So, sometimes the doctor or nurse will ask the patient to sit quietly for a little while, and will then repeat the blood pressure measurement. So, it might be the case that people who are more prone to feelings of anxiety would have more fluctuations in blood pressure. But the question then might be—are these temporary fluctuations associated with generally elevated blood pressure? I don’t think they are, but I’m not up on the latest thinking on this topic. david Brian adds: David Burns Last night, I was having stressful thoughts about family and I checked my blood pressure and it was way up, so I think it does.

Podcast 224 Ask David January 11, 2021 Ask David featuring more challenging and interesting questions. Josh asks: What are the most effective types of psychotherapy homework assignments? Hassam asks: How would you treat my severe OCD? Exposure doesn’t seem to be working! And Joe asks: Would you say that the secret to overcoming OCD is willpower? Ted asks: Does any psychiatric disorder result from a chemical imbalance in the brain? Brian W. asks: Burns, could you do a video on how to use CBT for stress? Thanks. Clarity asks: Is it too late to be a beta tester for your app? Simon asks: Is there a podcast that you can recommend for general depression, and how to find out what is wrong? Stephanie asks: My patients don’t recover as rapidly as your patients. Am I doing something wrong? I’m feeling a lot of anxiety and self-doubt! * * * Josh asks: What are the most effective types of psychotherapy homework assignments? Hi David, thanks for all your work. It has been very helpful. You mention That doing homework is essential to recovery from anxiety and depression. Any homework you recommend? I am going to buy a few of your books and have the worksheets from the Neil Sattin podcast. Anything else that will benefit? Josh Hi Josh, It depends on the type of problem you are working on. I can work up an answer, perhaps, if you want to tell me! I did not hear from Josh, but Rhonda and I summarize the best kids of psychotherapy homework for: depression anxiety relationship problems * * * Hassam asks: How would you treat my severe OCD? Exposure doesn’t seem to be working! Hi David, I love your work on the podcast. I have not yet found a copy of any of your books in Lahore (where I live), but I have grown to understand your philosophy through your podcasts. Episode 162 disturbed me a little. I suffer from severe OCD and its cousin, depression. And the "high-speed cure" in the title really attracted me. But I had buyer's remorse. Why? Because it does not work like that for most people. The guest on your show, had a few exposures, and BAM, cured. I have tried exposure many many times, and it very minimally helps in lowering the threat of the obsessions. I feel that this was a Magic Pill kind of account, and at the risk of judging a person's pain, I think your guest had a relatively mild (as compared to me) OCD. I would really love it if you could talk about Pure OCD (the type I have), and how it can be resistant to exposure. The intrusive thoughts/obsessions continue to be extremely, EXTREMELY, painful. This "high speed cure" idea seems dismissive of the seriousness of my condition. Please keep up the great work. And I hope to read your books one day. Thanks Hassam (Therapist in training) Thanks Hassam, sometimes, therapy is much harder, as you say! Good point. I often get slammed when I present patients who recover rapidly, especially patients who have had incapacitating symptoms for years or even decades of failed therapy. This is disappointing to me, as my goal is to bring hope to people that rapid and meaningful change IS possible. To be honest, I don’t like it when I get slammed for presenting cases of rapid recovery. Some people think I am a con artist! Yikes! Of course, everyone is different, and some people will be more challenging to treat. One thing I learned when I was in private practice is that you can never tell ahead of time who will recover rapidly and who will take much more time. I’ve had patients I thought would be super easy to treat who responded much slowly than I predicted, and many who I thought would be nearly impossible to treat who responded almost overnight. You’ve mentioned that exposure has been of limited value for you. I totally agree and saw that early in my treatment of anxiety that exposure alone is often quite ineffective. That’s why I argue so strongly that exposure is not a treatment for OCD or for any form of anxiety. It is just one tool among many I use in the treatment of anxiety. I use four very different treatment models with every anxious patient: The Cognitive Model The Motivational Model The Hidden Emotion Model The Behavioral (Exposure) Model Unless you understand and use all four models, the prognosis might be somewhat guarded, as you’ve discovered. In contrast, when you use all four strategies, your chances for success increase tremendously. For example, prior to using Exposure in the episode you listened to, I spent about 25 minutes with Sara using the motivational and cognitive models, which really helped. Focusing on one method alone will often not be terribly effective, especially if you’re looking rapid, complete, and lasting recovery. However, occasionally one method will work, so therapists and patients alike get focused on some single approach they’ve learned, thinking they’ve found “the answer.” There’s a great deal of information on the treatment of anxiety disorders using these four models on my website, www.feelinggood.com. I often urge listeners to use the search function on my website, and everything will be served up to you immediately. You can learn all about these four powerful models. In addition, if you were looking for more techniques, you might want to take a look at my book, When Panic Attacks, which describes 40 potent anti-anxiety techniques. You can order it from Amazon. My psychotherapy eBook, Tools, Not Schools, of Therapy, might also be helpful for therapists who want to learn more about the treatment of depression and anxiety with TEAM. It is an eBook, and order forms are available on my website, www.feelinggood.com, in the resources tab, and also in my store. Thanks for your excellent question! david And Joe asks: Would you say that the secret to overcoming OCD is willpower? In reply to Joe. I use four treatment models in the treatment of all anxiety disorders, including OCD. Certainly, the willingness to use Exposure is required, but Exposure is only one of many helpful methods for OCD. You can search for anxiety treatment on my website, and you’ll find many good podcasts. Also, there is a free anxiety class on my website. My book, When Panic Attacks, is another great resource with more than 40 techniques to combat all forms of anxiety, including OCD. You can find all my books on AMAZON, or on the books page on my website. david * * * Ted asks: Does any psychiatric disorder result from a chemical imbalance in the brain? Hi Dr. Burns, It says in your book, When Panic Attacks, p. 49, 3rd paragraph, you said that there's not a shred of evidence that there's any chemical imbalance for any psychiatric disorder. Does that include schizophrenia or bipolar or OCD?  Haldol works for me for schizoaffective....controls dopamine in brain? Ted Hi Ted, There are likely one or more biological factors that contribute to schizophrenia as well as full blown bipolar disorder (with true manic episodes.) We do not yet know what those causes are. However, the brain is not a hydraulic system of chemical balances and imbalances, or perhaps more like a supercomputer. I am not aware of any neuroscientists who believe in the crude “chemical imbalance” theory. We simply don’t know what the causes are. Meds can definitely help with the symptoms of schizophrenia and mania as well. This tells us nothing about causes. Aspirin can help with a headache, but headaches are not due to an “aspirin deficiency” in the brain. Computers often crash, but I’ve never heard of a computer problem that was caused by a “silicon imbalance” in the chips. Hope that helps. Psychotherapy can definitely help with feelings of depression and anxiety, but is not a cure for schizophrenia or mania. I would hate to have to treat any psychiatric problem with drugs alone! I like to treat humans, not “diagnoses,” but it can helpful to be aware of diagnoses like schizophrenia, or schizoaffective, or bipolar I, for example. Hope that is helpful! And just my thinking, too, not “written in stone.” david * * * Brian W. asks: Burns, could you do a video on how to use CBT for stress? Thanks. Hi Brian, Thanks! One point is that people are often looking for “formulas” or general solutions to buzzwords like “stress.” The key to TEAM is to focus on one specific moment, and to work with it in an individual way, never using non-specific solutions like exercise, meditation, deep breathing, dietary changes, and so forth. But as you can see, this is tough for many people to grasp. The failure to understand the importance of specificity is one of the big problems in our field, and it is a problem for therapists and patients alike. There are no very good solutions in the clouds of abstraction, because we are all unique. I asked Brian for specific examples, and he wrote: “Work pressure, obnoxious bosses, nagging family members, drug addicted family members, and inability to pay bills are a few.” I responded, Thanks, these are all totally unique with different solutions. Perhaps you can focus on one and provide a couple details. david Brian responded, Thanks. Whichever one you think is best. Stressful thoughts. Also how to change stressful thoughts when they're automatic. Hi Brian, There an infinite variety of "stressful thoughts," and they all have unique, non-overlapping solutions. Could you tell me about one thought you had at one specific moment? david During the podcast, I made some additional comments on dealing with stress using TEAM: Stress is a fairly non-specific word for feeling upset or distressed. I like to use and measure specific emotions in my patients, like depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, inadequacy, hopelessness, frustration, anger, and so forth. But for some people, “stressed” may be more acceptable than words like “depression,” which may carry more stigma. However, there is a somewhat specific meaning to stress, which means overwhelmed by having too much to do and not enough time to do it all. This can sometimes result from taking on too much, and having trouble saying no. Reasons for this difficulty being assertive include: Conflict Phobia Excessive Niceness Submissiveness / Pleasing Others Fear of missing out on something cool and exciting to do NY TV story on “stress” and my ten distortions General tools for dealing with patients who feel “stressed out.” Daily Mood Log Relationship Journal Brief Mood Survey You can take a thought on a DML and do a downward arrow—you will typically come to several common Self-Defeating Beliefs, such as Perfectionism Perceived Perfectionism Approval Addiction Submissiveness Worthlessness schema Conflict Phobia / Anger Phobia Superman / Superwoman Specific Tools Positive Reframing “No” Practice * * * Clarity asks: Is it too late to be a beta tester for your app? Hi Clarity, Thanks! You can sign up at www.feelinggood.com/app * * * Simon asks: I have a question for you. I am very depressed at the moment, and I don't know what is wrong, or I have difficult to find out what thought is giving me the down-feeling ☹ Is there a podcast that you can recommend for general depression, and how to find out what is wrong?Thanks for the sooooo great in inspiration. Thanks Simon. I will include your question in an upcoming Ask David, but here’s a start. Focus on one moment you were upset, and tell me how you were feeling and thinking at that specific moment, and record the information on a Daily Mood Log. If you listen to live therapy on the Feeling Good Podcasts, or read one of my books, like Feeling Good or Feeling Great, you will get a step by step introduction to TEAM therapy. Thanks! d PS There is at least one podcast on how to identify your negative thoughts and generate a Daily Mood Log. You can use the search function on the website to find those or podcasts on any topic, but here’s the link since the search function is not working properly at the moment so I’ll have to fix it. (https://feelinggood.com/2018/03/05/078-five-simple-ways-to-boost-your-happiness-5-you-can-change-the-way-you-feel/) PS PS I want to thank Simon for creating time codes for all 50 techniques on podcasts 93 (https://feelinggood.com/2018/06/18/093-fifty-ways-in-fifty-minutes-part-1/) and 94 (https://feelinggood.com/2018/06/25/094-50-methods-in-50-minutes-part-2/) entitled, “Fifty techniques in fifty minutes.” His time codes allow you to find the description of any techniques of interest. * * * Stephanie asks: My patients don’t recover as rapidly as your patients. Am I doing something wrong? I’m feeling a lot of anxiety and self-doubt! Hi David, I hope this is the right address to which to send an "Ask David." I am a huge fan of your work and cannot thank you enough for making your therapy techniques so accessible. And thank you for taking audience questions! I am in the process of learning TEAM and notice myself getting more skilled, slowly but surely.  There are times I hear you help patients recover in a single session. So far, I have not found myself able to help patients that quickly. I've felt disappointed about this, and it's led to anxiety and self-doubt ("I need to learn TEAM faster so I can help my patients as quickly as possible," "This should be happening quicker."). I am wondering how logical it is for me to expect myself to help patients recover in a single session. Is it reasonable to assume I may have to practice TEAM for some time and go through several training experiences before I can help patients change that quickly? Thank you again!! Stephanie David and Rhonda discuss ways of improving over time and reducing the pressure on yourself if you are a therapist.

Today’s podcast features a most unusual and incredibly inspiring guest, Dr. Cai Chen. Cai is a fourth-year general psychiatric resident at the University of Texas Health Science Center in Tyler, Texas. He’s also currently enrolled with Mike Christensen’s “Live Online CBT Training Courses for Therapists.” Cai has told me that Mike Christensen is a “friggin’ amazing teacher” and that everyone who is interested in starting their journey in TEAM owes it to themselves to take his class. My first contact with Cai was an email he sent me after listening to Podcast #187 on the live work I did with Dr. Michael Greenwald and Thai-An Truong at the Atlanta intensive about a year ago. Cai wrote: Hi David, Michael, and Thai-An, This podcast episode helped me truly change my life. I thought I had things figured out before, but man! The work you three did that day crystallized my own social anxiety issues and gave me the courage to finally do some very hefty self-disclosure. I was in tears throughout the podcast and well after even waking up in the middle of the night crying, knowing that I had to do the exact same thing that Michael had done. So I finally told all the people I knew on social media that I struggled with social anxiety and that my deepest fear was my negative feelings inconveniencing people, hurting them, and showing how I was being selfish by taking the spotlight. I also told everyone how all of these fears led to a lifetime of loneliness, rejection, and helplessness. I cried writing it all out because it finally felt like I was letting all of that go for the first time in my life. The response I received from so many on social media, including people I hadn't heard from in years, was astonishing and so supportive! My social anxiety was completely shattered! Now I see the truth: that our feelings are an expression of our humanity and the most honest, loving thing to do is to share them with people! I'd be damned if I'm going to tell myself anymore that my negative feelings "inconvenience" or "hurt" people. Screw whether I'm being "selfish"! I finally understand what you mean, David, that the problem was NEVER that I have been inconveniencing, hurtful, or selfish. It's that I'm telling myself that these things about me are WRONG and that I SHOULDN'T be that way. I share my feelings all the time now! The constant feelings of nervousness/unease, OCD, and panic attacks I had before are gone 99% of my days! I feel more human and myself than I've ever felt for the last 20 years. You should call it "re-learning how to be human" therapy! God bless you David, Thai-An, and of course yourself Michael! I'm truly in your debt, Michael. You're my own personal hero and I wish I was there at the intensive to give you a big hug! I'm grateful, honored, overjoyed, and just so happy for the help you've all brought me it's making me tearful again. I love the work you've done and I love you all! I'll remember this for the rest of my life. Regards, Cai Today, Rhonda and I were thrilled to meet with Cai face to face for the first time to get an update on what’s happened since that time. Cai emphasized that his intense feelings of depression, anxiety, crippling shyness and loneliness have vanished because of the intense effort he put in learning and using TEAM-CBT entirely on his own. He described how he first became acquainted with the podcasts. He felt a lack of clinical training in his residency program on how to do psychotherapy, so did a google search for therapy training, and came up with two podcasts, one of which was ours. So, he flipped a coin and the Feeling Good Podcasts won. He listened to the first podcast on measurement and testing, and said he was immediately excited about testing the idea that you could see exactly how effective or ineffective you were in every session with every patient. He was also excited by the idea that rapid changes in depression and anxiety really are possible, and that long term treatment is often not necessary. He describes his determination to use TEAM-CBT in his clinical work, after a tremendous amount of practice based on what he’s been learning in the Feeling Good Podcasts. He stressed: The importance of T = Testing, and how helpful and challenging it was at first because, as I had predicted, he initially got failing scores on the Empathy and Helpfulness scales from nearly all of his patients. But this led to opportunities to deepen his relationships with them while processing their feedback from the previous session. He said that he was initially embarrassed about handing his patients the Brief Mood Survey and asking them to fill it out before and after each session. This was helpful, but very challenging, both from a technical and emotional perspective, since it was painful to have to view his failures. I mentioned that it has been the same for me, and described a recent extreme failure with a patient who was livid with me after a session I had thought was great. But talking it over with that individual subsequently led to a tremendous breakthrough, confirming the idea that “your worst therapeutic failure is often, or always, your greatest therapeutic success in disguise.” Of course, you have to have the willingness and skill to talk it over with your patient in a respectful, non-defensive, and genuine way. My patient’s Achilles heel was perfectionism and a fear of anger. I believe it was helpful to her to see that it was absolutely okay to be angry with me, and to express feelings that she so often avoided, and to see that my failure did not have to be “awful,” but presented genuine opportunities for growth and a deepening of our relationship. Cai also emphasized the value of the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, since these tools showed him HOW to be empathic with his patients. Prior to that, he thought that empathy was something you just kind of acquired spontaneously, on your own. He also said he now realizes the incredible importance of doing your own personal work if you are a therapist. Cai was so determined to learn and to do his own personal healing that he did tons of Daily Mood Logs, every time he was upset in fact. He also did many Relationship Journals to improve his skills with the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, and even role-played with himself! He unearthed many of his own Self-Defeating Beliefs with the use of the Downward Arrow Technique, including Perfectionism and the Achievement and Love Addictions, as well as the Conflict and Anger Phobias, as well as a kind of underlying “worthlessness” schema, thinking of himself as an inherently “useless person.” Cai described his struggles with shyness, described in his email above, and identified with one of my podcasts about a young man I treated for shyness who “froze” with anxiety when in line at a Safeway store and seeing an attractive young lady checking groceries who seemed to be looking at him and smiling. Similarly, Cai froze when seeing a cute young lady and similarly felt “mortified.” He describes how he overcame his own shyness, and how he did the “What-If Technique,” while working on a Daily Mood Log, and discovered his belief that “If I open up to people about my feelings, I’ll just be wasting their time.” He decided he also had to take action, and begin forcing himself to use Self-Disclosure with strangers, as well as all the people he knew on social media, plus patients, and colleagues, telling them about his shyness instead of hiding it. He says that the positive responses he got blew his mind. He can now share his honest, vulnerable feelings with complete strangers in public and talk with them without shame or anxiety, something he never thought would be possible in the last 20 years. He also described using a two-and-a-half-hour TEAM CBT session with a woman with decades of failed treatment for incredibly severe depression, including several series of electroconvulsive therapy that had minimal effects. Althought the shock therapy worked for several months, she relapsed when she remembered why she was depressed and became miserable again). But when he did Positive Reframing, she was astonished to realize for the first time that her symptoms were actually the expressions of what was most awesome and beautiful about her, and when he used the Externalization of Voices during the M = Methods portion of the session, her symptoms not only disappeared completely for the first time, but she became euphoric. He described this personal rule: anytime he becomes upset: He immediately does a Daily Mood Log or Relationship Journal ASAP, and sometimes spends two to three hours a day doing this. He would also stubbornly skip out on meals to finish a session with himself, something he doesn’t recommend other people do! I am in awe of his commitment, not only to defeating his own demons, but also to learning to become, not just another “shrink” who prescribes drugs, but a true “healer.” Of course, Rhonda and I were pretty happy when he described the free assets on feelinggood.com, especially the podcasts, as “freaking amazing!” He mentioned how convinced he is that with dedication, time, the courage to face a lot of pain, and a lot of homework, anyone can learn how to heal themselves and better heal other people through TEAM just with the podcast and other self-learning material. He feels strongly that this is the case even if you don’t have access to any readily available teachers or trainers in your immediate area. At the end of the podcast, to bring his story to life, he shared three of his negative thoughts after seeing a woman’s new relationship status on Facebook. At the time, he previously believed all three thoughts 100%, but now no longer believed them at all. This proves that I’ll never find anyone special. There must be something inherently wrong with me because I haven’t found a lifelong partner. There’s no point in trying anymore because I keep screwing things up. I’m sure that many of our listeners, including maybe you, have had thoughts like this at some time in your life! We demonstrated Externalization of Voices, using his first thought, and Cai blew it out of the water. This was his response: “This one’s a real tear-jerker for me. I dated someone a couple of months back and it was one of the best moments of my life. It didn’t last long, but I really loved her. She wasn’t special, but that’s the exact reason why I loved her.” And then, when thinking back on the women he loved, he said, “none of them were special, but I loved all of them tremendously,” and broke into tears—showing us the beautiful and awesome human being he is. Cai was so inspired by this short session that he went back to his Daily Mood Log and came up with some more killer, emotional responses. For another of his negative thoughts “Everyone else is succeeding more than I could ever hope to”, he responded: “It’s not in my interest to believe in success and accomplishments anymore. To live is to fail because being human means being defective, flawed, and imperfect. We’re all human and we’re all failing fantastically every day. It’s time for me to join the rest of the human race by letting my success and accomplishments die. Luckily there’s not very much there so I don’t think it will be too painful to let it all go.” He mentioned how this brought on a lot of tears as well because it finally felt like he could let go of what he “needed” and still be ok. Hey ladies, I’m going to post his photo with this podcast! Go for it! This incredible young doctor is—believe it or not—available! Cai (Dr. Chen) plans to start his clinical practice in Dallas next summer following his graduation. He plans to be certified in TEAM-CBT, and will join one of our weekly free training TEAM-CBT training groups. If you would like to contact Dr. Chen, you can do so at: fontatlas42@gmail.com or cai.chen@uthct.edu. David  and  Rhonda

How to Change a Self-Defeating Belief (SDB) (cont'd) Last week, you had the chance to listen to our Tuesday training group at Stanford as we worked on the "Achievement Addiction," Part 1 (Podcast 211). Although we were working with a therapist named Zeina Halim, it turned out that just about everybody in the group had this belief, and perhaps you do, too--thinking that your worthwhileness as a human being depends on your achievements, hard work, and productivity. This belief, which is also known as the Calvinist work ethic (e.g. you are what you do) is actually at the heart of Western Civilization. And while it can trigger intense achievement, it can sometimes also trigger angst, including feelings of depression, anxiety, and endless self-doubt, wondering if you and your achievements are "good enough." In last week's podcast, we played the first half of the Tuesday group's session, featuring the Cost-Benefit Analysis. In today's group, we play the the recording of the last half of the group, featuring these three additional techniques. At the end of today's recording, Zeina joins us and talks about the session, and the techniques that were the most meaningful for her. The Semantic Technique. This involves change at the intellectual level. If you decide that a SDB is not working to your advantage when you do a CBA, you can you modify it so you can keep all the advantages you listed while getting rid of most if not all of the disadvantages. This is a bit of practical personal philosophy exercise with significant emotional implications. The group members came up with a wide variety of alternate beliefs, and I critiqued several of them, pointing out the benefits and pitfalls of each new version. The Feared Fantasy. Here's where change at the gut level begins, and you also can begin to challenge the idea that high achievers really are more worthwhile. We did a version of this technique that I've often demonstrated in my workshops called the "High School Reunion." It is a humor-based technique, but the goal is to make a powerful point at the gut level, so you can (hopefully) suddenly "see" that it is simply not true that people who achieve a great deal really are more worthwhile human beings. The Double Standard Technique. Here's where change at the gut level continues, and you will hear a beautiful example in Zeina's dramatic interaction with Dr. Levitt. Dr. Levitt plays the role of someone trying to figure out if she really is less worthwhile than people who achieve a great deal more. Rhonda and I hope you enjoyed our podcasts on the Achievement Addiction. We'd also like to thank our courageous Zeina for sharing her very personal work with all of us. Live work--and showing how a technique works--is generally far more inspiring and illuminating than simply teaching how a technique works. Please let us know if you'd like more Feeling Good Podcasts like this in the future, with recordings from our weekly training group,  and also if there are additional Self-Defeating Beliefs you'd like us to feature. My new book Feeling Great, is now available on Amazon (see the link below) as a hardbound volume or as an eBook. It features all the new TEAM therapy techniques, and is geared for therapists as well as the general public. Rhonda and David

How to Change a Self-Defeating Belief (SDB) Many of you have expressed an interest in my free Tuesday training group for mental health professionals. Today, you can attend, thanks to the generosity of our group in allowing the group to be recorded on Zoom, and thanks Zeina, the group member who courageously volunteered to have us work on her “Achievement Addiction.” I also want to thank my beloved and brilliant co-teacher, Dr. Jill Levitt, who always adds tremendously to our group, on so many different levels. Last week, we taught the group members how to pinpoint Self-Defeating Beliefs that trigger depression and anxiety, and we promised to show them how to challenge and modify a Self-Defeating Belief in the group you’re about to “attend.” We decided to focus on the Achievement Addiction, which is the belief that your worthwhileness as a human being depends on your achievements and productivity. Perhaps you share this belief! Most people do. Here’s how a Self-Defeating Belief works. Let’s say that you base your self-esteem on your achievements. As long as you think you’re achieving and being successful, we would predict that you’ll feel happy and contented. But we would also predict that you may experience episodes of depression, anxiety, and self-doubt when you fail or fall short of your goals and expectations. That’s when you’ll be most likely to start beating up on yourself with distorted negative thoughts, like “I’m a loser,” or “I shouldn’t have screwed up,” or “I’m not good enough.” So, in short, the combination of an SDB (“My worthwhileness is based on my achievements”) plus a negative event, like a perceived failure, triggers distorted thoughts (like “I’m a failure” or “loser”) which trigger negative feelings, like depression, anxiety, shame, inferiority, or even suicidal thoughts. In addition, cognitive therapists believe that if you modify the SDB, it will not only help you in the here-and-now, but it can also make you less vulnerable to painful mood swings in the future. But how in the world can you do that? If you like, take a look at the list of 23 common Self-Defeating Beliefs and see if you can find any of yours! Zeina said she wanted help with her tendency to base her feelings of happiness and self-esteem on her accomplishments. In the group, we demonstrated four techniques for changing this or any SDB, including: The Cost-Benefit Analysis.  You list the advantages and disadvantages of the belief you want to change. You can find the one we worked on with Zeina during the group if you click this link. If you want a blank one you can work with, you can find one on page 2 of this link. The Semantic Technique. This involves change at the intellectual level. if the SDB is not working to your advantage, could you modify it so you can keep all the advantages you listed while getting rid of most if not all of the disadvantages. This is a bit of practical personal philosophy exercise with significant emotional implications. The Feared Fantasy. Here's where change at the gut level begins, and you also can begin to challenge the idea that high achievers really are more worthwhile. The Double Standard Technique. Here's where change at the gut level continues, and you can hear a beautiful example in Zeina's dramatic interaction with Dr. Levitt. In today's part 1 podcast, we completed the Cost-Benefit Analysis. I would urge you to do your own CBA while you're listening. When you're done, balance the advantages against the disadvantages on a 100 point scale. Put two numbers in the circles at the bottom to show whether the advantages or disadvantages are greater. For example, if the advantages of this belief greatly outweigh the disadvantages, you might put 80 - 20 in the two circles. If the advantages and disadvantages of this belief are about equal, you can put 50 - 50 in the two circles. And if the disadvantages are somewhat greater, you might put 45 - 55 in the two circles. When you do your own weightings, please note that the number advantages or disadvantages is not important--that's because one advantages could outweigh several disadvantages, and vice versa. Instead, look at the lists as a whole and ask yourself how they feel, and how this belief is working for you. In addition--and this is super important--remember that you are NOT evaluation the advantages and disadvantages of achievement. There probably aren't any disadvantages of achievement! Instead, you are evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of basing your self-esteem and feelings of worthwhileness on your achievements and productivity. At the end of the group work with the CBA, I emphasize that the goal of the CBA is simply to find out if you (or in this case Zeina) want to change your SDB. This is a motivational question. If the advantages and disadvantages are about equal (50 - 50), or if the advantages out weight the disadvantages (eg 60 - 40), then there may be no reason to change the belief. But when the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, you can then change the belief so that all the disadvantages diminish or disappear entirely, while at the same time you keep all the advantages. That sounds like a pretty good deal! In next week's podcast, you'll learn how to make this happen with the help of the Semantic Technique, Feared Fantasy, and Double Standard Technique! There are a great many additional techniques for challenging and modifying any SDB as well. The four I listed above are just a kind of “Starter Kit” for SDBs to give you a feel for how some of the techniques work. If you like this podcast, we may focus on other SDBs as well, such as the Approval Addiction, the Love Addiction, and more. Let us know if you’d be interested, and which beliefs interest you the most. We’ve already done a podcast on perfectionism, as well as a popular Live TV program on perfectionism on Facebook that features Jill and me, but there are tons of beliefs we haven’t yet addressed. To make today’s podcast more dynamic, you can do your own Cost-Benefit Analysis while you watch, and make sure you do your own weightings at the bottom, just like the therapists in our Tuesday training group. I think you’ll enjoy it, and it might nudge your thinking a little, too! Please let me know if you've enjoyed "eavesdropping" on my Tuesday training group, and if you'd like more Feeling Good Podcasts like this in the future. Let me know, too, if you'd have an interest in attending a weekly TEAM therapy training group for therapists or for the general public. My new book Feeling Great, is now available on Amazon (see the link below) as a hardbound volume or as an eBook. It features all the new TEAM therapy techniques, and is geared for therapists as well as the general public. Rhonda and David

Today, the Cognitive Distortion Starter Kit Focuses on Blame This is the final podcast on the Cognitive Distortion Starter Kit. Today, we focus on techniques to combat Blame. There are two common forms of Blame, and both can be deadly. Self-Blame: You beat up on yourself and blame yourself for things. Self-Blame is nearly always accompanied with self-directed Should Statements: “I really screwed up. I shouldn’t have done that!” Self-Blame triggers depression, worthlessness, and guilt, and sometimes triggers feelings of hopelessness and suicidal urges. Other-Blame: You beat up on others and blame them for the problems in your relationships. Other-Blame is nearly always accompanied with other-directed Should Statements: “He’s such a loser. He shouldn’t have such ridiculous beliefs!” Other-Blame triggers anger and conflict in relationships, and can sometimes trigger rage, violence, and even murder. Rhonda describes going on a bicycle trip with her husband. But when they got to the trailhead, they realized that her husband had put the wrong bicycle for Rhonda on their car. Sadly, the much-anticipated bicycle ride was ruined, and Rhonda began fuming and blaming her husband for having made this mistake. but then she decided to back off and think about her own role in the problem, and soon they were bake in a loving mood again. Unfortunately, for many people, the outcome is different, with escalating arguments and lasting feelings of resentment and indignance. David describes his work with a married woman who blamed herself for sexual difficulties and a history of sexual abuse as a child, who stood in front of a mirror with a razor blade to her neck the night before her first session with David. She was debating, “Should I just slit my throat and get it over with, or should I show up for my session in the morning?” Rhonda presses David for details about the treatment, which had a glorious outcome. David also gives a dramatic example of Other-Blame—a man who shot two obnoxious and aggressive teenage boys with his crossbow during a road rage incident. He shot one of the boys through the heart, and he fell and bled to death. Then he shot the other boy through the spinal column, and that boy survived but ended up paralyzed for life. The man was arrested and given a life sentence in prison. When interviewed by a television reporter and asked if he had any remorse or regrets, the man said, “Regrets! Hell no! That was the greatest accomplishment of my life! I think about constantly and it makes me euphoric. If I had the chance, I’d do the exact same thing again!” And that the huge problem with Other-Blame. Although negative thoughts containing Other-Blame are nearly always extremely distorted, just like the thoughts that cause depression, thoughts with Other-Blame trigger feelings of moral superiority and anger that can be extremely addictive. That’s why anger and relationship conflicts can be way harder to treat than depression and self-blame. One potentially helpful technique is a Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis, listing all the many advantages and benefits of blaming others for your problems and relationship conflicts. Once you’ve seen all the benefits, you can list the disadvantages, and then balance them against each other on a 100-point scale. if the advantages of blame are greater, there’s no reason to change. If you’re interested, you can check out this link to a Blame CBA that my daughter and I prepared. Check it out! David explains how he used this technique to help a physician with chronic, refractory depression and episodic rage attacks in a single therapy session! It’s a great technique to try if you’re feeling unhappy and blaming others for the problems in your relationships with them. Rhonda and I have  enjoyed creating this series for you. If there are other series you’d like to hear, let us know. For example, we could have a series of podcasts on all the different kinds of anxiety, illustrating the most helpful techniques for each one. We could also have a series on all of the different kinds of Self-Defeating Beliefs, like the Spotlight Fallacy, and how to defeat them. Or, if there are techniques you want us to highlight, we'd be more than happy to do that, too! Rhonda and David

Are you too nice? Do you feel like you should always feel positive and in control? Do you avoid negative emotions in an attempt to keep everyone happy? Do you feel like others are overly demanding? That you have to impress people or run the risk of everyone looking down on you? Do you ever feel like you have to worry obsessively about things or run the risk of something going very wrong? What do all of these questions have in common?? In the final installment of the Self-Defeating Beliefs series, we cover the 7 core beliefs Dr. David Burns has listed as leading to anxiety. How can these beliefs help you? How might they be hurting you? And what can you do about it? Listen to find out. Plus, an exciting announcement at the end!

Do you ever feel like you don't matter? That you can't do anything right? That things can never get better? Do you find that, even when you're feeling good, setbacks can throw you way off? In this week's episode of PsychAndSales, hosts David Weiss and Ehrin Weiss talk about Dr. David Burns's category of Self-Defeating Beliefs relating to depression, how they may be impacting your sales career, and steps that can be helpful for dealing with them. What steps have you found demodulation when you're feeling this way?

This episode is all about the pros & cons around the belief of demandinessness. Things like, what is the value of blaming others? Is entitlement a good thing? What about the idea of needing to be right and speaking your truths. We will unpack these ideas, and discuss if they are helping or hurting you.

in today’s podcast, Rhonda and David address eight fascinating questions submitted by fans like you: What’s the difference between David’s Therapist Toolkit, his eBook (Tools, Not Schools, of Therapy), and the EASY Diagnostic system? Is there a dark side to human nature? Is being “forceful” or confronting patients ever important in therapy? What’s the 5-session schizophrenia cure? How do you suddenly switch into “Sitting with Open Hands” during a session? Questions about OCD Questions about racism What if there are more advantages than disadvantages in perfectionism? What’s the difference between the Toolkit, the eBook, and the EASY Diagnostic system? I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and I am interested in either the Toolkit or the EASY diagnostic tool. It looks like the Toolkit includes quite a few questionnaires so I am wondering if I would need both. I would love to have a comprehensive checklist to give to clients during their initial assessment so I originally looked into the EASY Diagnostic tool. I’m just looking for a little guidance on which one would be the most helpful and if I would actually need both. Thanks so much! Cindy What do you think about the idea that there’s a dark side to human nature? Are humans inherently good, as so many mental health professionals seem to believe? It could be entitled, “The Dark Side of Human Nature,” or “Is there REALLY a dark side to human nature?” Jeremy Rhonda and David believe that human beings have positive loving impulses and dark violent impulses as well, and that both are an inherent and basic aspect of human nature. They discuss several aspects, including: The example of cats. They are genetically little serial killers. They love to capture and torture rodents, even if they have had a loving childhood. Many people love violent revenge movies and video games. Many people love killing animals, chopping their heads off, and mounting them on the wall, in much the same way that human serial killers get intense excitement from their killing and torturing, and they also keep trophies. David argues that it is important for therapists to recognize and address the dark side—areas where therapists will typically get in trouble due to blindness / denial / rationalization of negative motives, and excessive idealism. Problematic areas for therapists can include: the suicidal patient the violent patient—David describes a woman who was plotting to kill her husband. disability patients with a hidden agenda of remaining disabled. patients who don’t want to do their therapy homework people, for the most part, don’t get addicted because they’re depressed, anxious, or lonely, but because it’s really awesome to get plastered / high. Many, and perhaps all humans, like to judge others and feel superior to them, and also enjoy exploiting others, but our denial can be intense. People enjoy bullying people. It makes you feel powerful and generates feelings of excitement. We acknowledge that although the dark side to human nature may be strongly influenced by our genes, the environment we grow up in can also have a strong impact on our thoughts, feelings and impulses. Is being “forceful” or confronting patients ever important in therapy? This is another great question submitted by Jeremy Karmel. David gives many examples of times when it is absolutely necessary to be forceful and confrontational in therapy, but this requires a strong therapeutic relationship with the patient and perfect empathy scores and high levels of trust and mutual respect. Therapeutic examples where forcefulness or confrontation may be important include: Exposure techniques in the treatment of anxiety. The patient will nearly always “wimp out” at the last minute, and here is where the therapist needs to push—but most therapists will back off out of misguided “niceness.” Pushing the patient to view his/her own role in a relationship conflict instead of buying into the idea that the patient is the innocent victim of the other person’s “badness.” The new CAT technique in the Externalization of Voices is yet another example where gentle confrontation can often lead to rapid enlightenment. Another example is use of Changing the Focus, suddenly drawing the patient’s attention to “Have you notice what just happened here between us?” This can be helpful when there’s an awkward or adversarial or evasive dynamic going on between therapist and patient. Yet another example is the Gentle Ultimatum in dealing with Process Resistance. In all of these examples, many, and likely most therapists don’t do well, due to “niceness” and fear of conflict. What’s the 5-session schizophrenia cure? Hello David: I recall you saying in one of your trainings given in San Diego a while back that you could "cure Schizophrenia in 5 sessions" using the T.E.A.M. protocol you taught us. Is there a special protocol for this disorder? One of my clients would very much like to know. I hope that this finds you, your family and everyone at the Feeling Good Institute doing well and being healthy. Kind regards, Leslie David explains that he has always insisted that schizophrenia is an organic brain disorder that sadly cannot be cured with drugs or psychotherapy. However, drugs often plan an important role in treatment, and compassionate psychotherapy can also be extremely helpful. The goal is to help the patient develop greater self-esteem and improved relationships with others. He describes the innovative group CBT program he developed at his hospital in Philadelphia which served a large population of homeless individuals as well as individuals suffer from severe schizophrenia. He also points out how easily one can get severely misquoted, and appreciates the chance to set the record straight! How do you suddenly switch into “Sitting with Open Hands” during a session? This is yet another great question from our friend and colleague, Jeremy Karmel. David and Rhonda compare good therapy to dancing, having to often change courses instantly when the patient begins to resist and fight the therapist. Questions about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD): I hope this a place where I can submit questions for "Ask David." Are there manifestations of OCD that have common links or hidden emotions? Do you hear one person's description of their OCD and immediately have an idea of what might cause it? For example: do a majority of contamination OCD sufferers have a common reason for that specific "type" of OCD? Do sufferers of something deeply distressing like pedophile OCD all have feelings of shame that manifest in that OCD, where the "what if" would result in probably the most shame they could ever feel? David and Rhonda discuss the Hidden Emotion Technique which can be invaluable in the treatment of OCD. Questions about racism Hello David and Rhonda, Thanks for your amazing podcasts, I have listened to a lot already. And thanks Rhonda for bringing this important subject to the table. :) What if “Steve” had said that indeed he is racist and can't stand African Americans or South Americans, what would Rhonda answer to that?! It would become difficult for me to keep a friendship-like relationship with someone who is at the extreme opposite on sensitive subjects. I am open to any point of view, I don't need to be disarmed here. :) David, I'm so looking forward to your Feeling Great book!!! Rhonda and David discuss two opposite strategies for dealing with someone with strong racist tendencies. What if there are more advantages than disadvantages of perfectionism when you do a Cost-Benefit Analysis? This is a question from a user who wishes to remain anonymous. Rhonda and David talk about the fact that perfectionism, like all Self-Defeating Beliefs, has many advantages as well as disadvantages. And if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, it’s working for you, and it’s not something the therapist would need to help you with. There’s a difference between neurotic and healthy perfectionism. Many of the great historical figures, like Edison, for example, worked relentlessly and would not settle for failure. And we are all the beneficiaries of that type of genius and intense commitment to the healthy pursuit of excellence! Therapy is all about helping people who ask for help. It’s not about evangelism! David and Rhonda    

In this episode we cover three Self Defeating Beliefs related to submissiveness, and specifically how this can both help and hurt you in your sales career, as well as what you can do about it. Give it a listen, there are some very common areas we discuss that can be hurting your potential.

In this episode we introduce the idea of self defeating beliefs. We start with the Achievement category which is internal & external need for perfection, followed by Achievement Addiction, which is an affliction of many successful people. Link to the Self Defeating Beliefs List - https://feelinggood.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/f1e61-self-defeating-beliefs-list-v-1.pdf

"I don't matter!" Did you ever feel like you aren’t important? Did you ever feel like you don’t matter? These thoughts are extremely common and can be extremely painful. I know from my clinical experience over the years, with more than 40,000 hours of therapy with people struggling with mild to extreme depression and anxiety. I know from personal experience as well, because I’ve been there personally at times! And one of the reasons I love doing therapy is because of the joy of helping someone transform these feelings of inadequacy and tears into feelings of joy and exuberance, and even laughter. Today, my highly esteemed colleague, Matthew May MD, and I, work with our highly esteemed and beloved colleague and podcast host, Rhonda Barovsky, on concerns that emerged when a scheduling difficulty made it difficult for Rhonda to join a podcast recording on “The Phobia Cure” which was going to feature Matt May MD doing live exposure with a colleague named Danielle who has an intense fear of leeches. I suggested that Matt, Danielle and I could do the podcast without Rhonda, to save her from having to commute from her office in Walnut Creek, California to the “Murietta studios” twice in one week. (It’s a 90-minute commute in both directions, and sometimes traffic makes it even worse.) When Rhonda read this email, she was flooded with negative emotions, which you can see on pages 1 and 2 of her Daily Mood Log at the start of her session. As you can see she felt down, anxious, ashamed, inadequate, rejected, self-conscious, angry, jealous, and more, and these feeling were intense. Have you ever been suddenly and unexpectedly triggered like that? What triggered Rhonda’s feelings? According to the TEAM-CBT treatment model, our negative feelings are not the result of what happens, but how we think about it. So, what were the thoughts that triggered Rhonda’s angst? Take a look at the negative thoughts on her Daily Mood Log. As you can see, she was telling herself that She didn’t matter and wasn’t important. David didn’t value her. She shouldn’t have such strong negative feelings, like jealousy. The people listening to the podcast (like you, for example) will think she looks like an idiot and will judge her. She shouldn’t be taking up time and space on the podcast in the “patient” role again. One of the things I like about the TEAM model is that it gives us a clear blueprint about how to proceed. One of the things I love about Rhonda is her openness, vulnerability, courage, and intense desire to teach and reach out to others, like yourself. And one of the things I admire so intensely about Matt is his tremendous kindness and compassion which are coupled with extraordinary technical skills. I feel very blessed to have Matt and Rhonda as colleagues and friends! In the podcast, we go through the TEAM model, step by step, starting with T = Testing, E = Empathy, A = Assessment of Resistance, and M = Methods. We encountered some tears, some memories of childhood and tons of laughter as well. During the Assessment of Resistance, we used the Straightforward Invitation, Miracle Cure Question, Positive Reframing, and Magic Dial. To me it is always surprising to see how many positives are embedded in our so-called “negative” feelings and “negative thoughts.” Positive Reframing nearly always eliminates resistance and opens the door to rapid change. You can look at Rhonda's Positive Reframing list on page 5 of the attachment. You can also take a look at her Emotion's table when she filled in the Goal column on page 3 of the attachment. The first thought Rhonda wanted to challenge was “I don’t matter,” and we started with the Downward Arrow Technique to identify the Self-Defeating Beliefs that gave rise to this thought, as you can see on page 4 of the attachment. Rhonda also told a moving story about her father, and how her belief that she was not important may have gotten started. She also told a beautiful story about reconciling with her father eight years before he died. We used several methods to challenge and crush the thought, "I don't matter," including Identify the Distortions, the Double Standard Technique, the Externalization of Voices, the Feared Fantasy, the Acceptance Paradox, and Examine the Evidence to crush this thought. Several role reversals were necessary before Rhonda knocked the ball out of the park. The first negative thought is generally the most difficult to crush. Once Rhonda no longer believed this thought, she could easily challenge and defeat the rest of her negative thoughts as well, resulting in a dramatic transformation in how she was feeling, as you can see on page 3 of the attachment. It seems like when you crush one negative thought, there is a sudden change in the brain, as if the negative circuits get turned off and the positive circuits get turned on. You will have the chance to hear this first hand when you listen to the live session. If you'd like to take a peak at Rhonda's final Daily Mood Log, you'll see how she challenged all the rest of her Negative Thoughts. (David, link to final DML when you get the final version from Rhonda.) To review Rhonda's Evaluation of Therapy Session, click here.  Although this podcast was long (roughly two hours), it seemed like very little time had passed because the experience was incredibly engaging and rewarding. Rhonda, Matt and I hope you enjoyed it as well, and hope it gave you some help as well, if you—like the rest of us—have ever struggled with the fear that maybe you don’t matter, or aren’t important, either. Let us know what you think, and thanks for listening today! Rhonda, Matt, and David PS Following the podcast, Matt and I received this beautiful email from Rhonda: Dear David and Matt: My thanks to you both for an incredibly powerful experience.  I am not enough of a poet to describe my experience and gratitude to you both.  But you helped me tackle something that has been painful for me for such a long time! I am grateful and humbled by your brilliance and your commitment to me Rhonda  

Marty Lythgoe, LAADC-CA, discusses the impact of negative thought patterns on addiction recovery, particularly through the lens of Congitive Behavioral Therapy. The intersectionality between beliefs and the Christian faith is also discussed.

The Story of Lorraine and “Anna” In today’s podcast, David and Rhonda interview Dr. Lorraine Wong, a board-certified clinical psychologist, and her patient, “Anna,” who sought treatment recently for depression, anxiety, and self-image / self-esteem issues. But first, David and Rhonda answer a question submitted by Estafonia, a “public image consultant,” who asks about the treatment of a woman who sees herself as “fat.” Estafonia wrote: “Hi Dr. Burns, “I am learning TEAM, CBT and implementing your techniques to help my clients change or improve their self-perception. In most cases, your techniques have been very effective. I am very grateful to you and I will happily join your list of fans! “My question is this—What would be the best method to change someone’s self-image? How can you help people change the idea that they are fat for example? “I have a patient who can't defeat the thought, ‘I am fat.’ We tried the method called Examine the Evidence,” and she has already found 20 people who see her as thin. So, the evidence clearly did not support her belief that she is fat. But this did not help. “We also tried the method called Let’s Define Terms, and we both concluded that she is not fat. But now she tells me, ‘I know I am not fat, but I can't stop thinking about it.’ “We also did the Downward Arrow Technique to probe her deepest fears and Self-Defeating Beliefs, but that didn’t seem to help, either, and she keeps ruminating about being fat. I would greatly appreciate your guidance on how to help her overcome that thought! “Thanks in advance! Estefania” Lorraine, Rhonda, David and Anna quickly diagnose the most likely cause of Estefania’s stuckness—she is trying to “help” her patient without first melting away her patient’s resistance. This is the cause of practically all therapeutic failure, and you’re not really doing TEAM-CBT if you don’t know how to eliminate the patient’s resistance. That’s because most people are ambivalent about change. As the Jesuit mystic, Anthony DeMello, has said: “We yearn for change but cling to the familiar.” Recognizing and modifying this inherent ambivalence is the heart of A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting, but you can also think of the A as standing for “Assessment of Resistance.” How could we melt away this woman’s ambivalence / reluctance to stop bombarding herself with the message, “I’m fat”? It is important to realize that this self-critical thought, and, in fact, all of her negative thoughts and feelings have huge advantages for her, and also indicate some really beautiful and awesome things about her and her core values. For example, telling herself “I’m fat” may motivate her to diet, to exercise, and to make extra sure that she doesn’t get complacent and gain a tremendous amount of weight. In addition, the thought, “I’m fat,” shows that she has high standards, and her high standards have probably motivated her success in many areas of her life. For example, she probably works really hard to stay in good health and in good physical condition. The thought, “I’m fat,” also shows that she’s humble, and on and on and on. And that’s just one negative thought. But this woman probably has many negative thoughts and feelings, like anxiety, shame, inferiority and depression, and they ALL have tremendous advantages, and they ALL reveal what is beautiful and awesome about her and her core values. In addition, the thought may be protecting this patient from things she fears, like intimacy. As long as she tells herself, “I’m fat,” she does have to risk trying to get close, or having sex, or risking rejection. So the thought, in a way, is a form of self-love and self-protection. Once Estafonia and her patient list all these positives, Estafonia could ask her patient, “Given all these advantages and positive qualities, maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea to stop telling yourself, ‘I’m fat.’ This thought seems to be working for you in a really positive way, and also reflects your core values.” That’s the essence of Paradoxical Agenda Setting. We try, in a genuine way, to honor the patient’s resistance, rather than trying to sell the patient on change. This is very difficult for therapists to learn because of the compulsion to save, help, or rescue the patient. In addition, obsessions (recurring illogical negative thoughts like “I’m fat”) frequently result from the Hidden Emotion phenomenon, and this has to be dealt with skillfully when treating any patient with anxiety. Estafonia’s patient may be upset about something she’s not dealing with in her life, and bringing the hidden problem or feelings to conscious awareness can often be incredibly helpful. For more information, see my book, When Panic Attacks, which you can order from my books page (link). After focusing on Estafonia’s excellent question, David, Rhonda, Lorraine and Anna talk about the emotional challenges that brought Anna to treatment, including severe feelings of depression which came on when Anna returned to the United States after 13 years working abroad. She was also feeling anxious, stuck, angry, and hopeless, and was comforting herself by binging on her three favorite foods. Anna describes previous partial treatment failures, and explains that her previous cognitive therapist had “the empathy of a prison guard,” and contrasts those experiences with her successful experience with Lorraine. In fact, Anna describes the TEAM-CBT she received at the Feeling Good Institute as “cognitive therapy on steroids.” I (David) loved hearing that because this is how I think about TEAM-CBT, too! TEAM really is CBT on steroids! But, I’ve been too embarrassed to describe TEAM-CBT in this way, fearing it might sound crass or unprofessional. Anna and Lorraine explain why the T = Testing and E = Empathy of TEAM were so critical to the success of the therapy. Anna says that Lorraine was, in fact, the first therapist “who really got me, and really understood me!” Anna emphasizes the enormous importance of the A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting (aka Assessment of Resistance) as well. Lorraine helped Anna discover what was beautiful and awesome about all of her negative feelings, including severe depression, shame, anxiety, anger, loneliness, and even hopelessness. She said, “My depression and feelings of loss when I moved showed that I really care about what I do, as well as the people around me.” Anna also said that her anger showed that she was overly nice, out of her love for people, but that she had the right to set boundaries and stick up for herself, and didn’t always have to be a people-pleaser. The Positive Reframing proved to be a positive shock to the system, and Anna’s symptoms started to improve significantly even before starting the M = Methods phase of the TEAM-CBT treatment. The Positive Reframing made it relatively easy for Anna to smash the negative, self-critical thoughts that triggered her depression, anxiety, shame, and hopelessness, and then they moved on to other goals, such as using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication in her interactions with colleagues and friends. Finally, they focused on self-image issues, which brings us back to the question Estafonia had posed at the start of the podcast: How you can help patients with self-image problems and addictions to eating? Anna explained that when she was depressed, she had gained weight because of her addiction to salami (Mmmm!), ice cream (Yummm!), and rice and beans (WOW!) Lorraine used David’s “Devil’s Advocate Technique,” to help Anna challenge the tempting thoughts that always triggered her overeating. Rhonda and I are incredibly grateful to Lorraine (aka Dr. Wong) and “Anna” for this opportunity to bring TEAM to life in a very real and personal way. Thank you, Lorraine and Anna! Dr. Lorraine Wong is a certified Level 4 TEAM-CBT therapist and practices at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. She specializes in the treatment of body image concerns and emotional eating, as well as depression and anxiety, with TEAM-CBT. Thanks for tuning in! David and Rhonda

Session with Rhonda, Part 2 Last week we published the first half of the session with Rhonda, who was struggling with severe performance anxiety about her work as the new host of the Feeling Good Podcast host. We did the initial T = Testing, which indicated many intense negative feelings, as well as E = Empathy phase of TEAM therapy session. This week, we include the conclusion of the session, with A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting and M = Methods, plus final T = Testing to see how effective, or ineffective the session was. As a reminder of the first podcast, plus the work done on this podcast, you can review Rhonda's Daily Mood Log here. When you listen, you will see that the changes Rhonda experienced were amazing,. But were these changes real? It almost seem too easy, and too fast, especially for a problem that started in childhood and persisted right up to the present moment. Was the session just a publicity stunt, perhaps, or some kind of superficial quick fix? David asks Rhonda about this, as well as this question: 'If the changes were real, what caused the changes? David and Rhonda used many TEAM-CBT techniques they during the session, including these: David Empathized with the Five Secrets of Effective Communication at the start of the session during the E = Empathy phase. Of course, good empathy is necessary throughout a therapy session. David melted away Rhonda’s resistance during the A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting. These techniques included: Straightforward Invitation Miracle Cure Question Magic Button Positive Reframing Pivot Question Magic Dial The M = Methods that were helpful in this session included included: The Individual Downward Arrow to identify the Self-Defeating Beliefs that triggered Rhonda’s feelings of inadequacy.Rhonda enjoyed this exercise and felt it was on target. We identified many beliefs, including: Perfectionism Perceived Perfectionism Achievement Addiction Approval Addiction Love Addiction Fear of Rejection Submissiveness Inadequacy schema Spotlight Fantasy Brushfire Fallacy Superwoman The Interpersonal Downward Arrow to illuminate how Rhonda saw her relationship with her father, with David, and with some other people, including the podcast listeners. This is kind of like Psychoanalysis at warp speed. Rhonda said this felt uncomfortable, perhaps because it cast David somewhat as a dangerous ogre! David and Rhonda smashed several of Rhonda’s Self-Defeating Beliefs with the Feared Fantasy Technique Identify the Distortions Paradoxical Double Standard Technique Externalization of Voices Acceptance Paradox / Self-Defense Paradigm Self-Disclosure / Exposure The Experimental Technique Thinking in Shades of Gray Finally, if the changes were real, will they last? Or will Rhonda just slip back into more performance anxiety and self-doubt? You can click on this link if you’d like to review the evolution of Rhonda’s Daily Mood Log during the session, and see her ratings on the Brief Mood Survey before and after the session at this link. You can also review her ratings of David on the Empathy and Helpfulness scales at the end of the session. You can also review her interesting comments on what she liked the least, and what she liked the most about her session with David. I want to thank Rhonda, my esteemed colleague, friend, and wonderful podcast host, for giving all of this incredible gift of her humanness.  And I, Rhonda, want to thank the most marvelous, compassionate and incredible David Burns, for the gift of healing and facilitating me experiencing enlightenment and peace from these difficult feelings and negative thoughts that were devastating me.  I feel so much gratitude, for all of our work together, for you trusting me enough to invite me to be the host of these podcasts, and for the gift of your friendship.  Words can't express the full depth of my love for you and for everything you have given me both personally and professionally! Did you like the personal work we did? Was it helpful for you personally? Rhonda took a chance and was courageous to share intensely personal experience with you. Let us know if you liked this! If you are a therapist, or an interested patient, let us know if this was it a good learning experience. Would you like to hear more podcasts with live personal work? We are here to serve you, so share your thoughts and feelings with us, as well as your wish list for future podcasts! David and Rhonda

"I sound stupid! . . . Ouch!" Have you every struggled with performance anxiety, thinking you might fail or not be good enough? I think it is fair to say that every therapist in my Tuesday training group at Stanford has struggled with fairly intense feelings of anxiety and self-doubt, and perhaps you have, too, thinking you should be smarter or better than you are, and fearing that others would judge you if they saw your “true self.” In fact, I would suspect that most of our podcast fans have struggled with these feelings at some time during your life, and maybe even recently or now. Well, today, we’ve got a wonderful program in store for you. Our own Dr. Rhonda Barovsky asked me for personal help with her own anxieties about being the new podcast host. I asked if she wanted to do it live, on a podcast, and she generously agreed! In this heart-warming and very human session, Rhonda shares the negative thoughts and feelings she had when she listened to herself on several podcasts and begin noticing this or that error she made. She felt intensely down, anxious, ashamed, inadequate, rejected, embarrassed, discouraged, frustrated, and angry, to name just a few of her negative feelings, and her mind was flooded with negative thoughts like these: I sound stupid and inarticulate, and some of my comments were inaccurate, like when I said psychiatric diagnoses are meaningless labels. I’ve had feelings of insecurity ever since I was a child, and should be over this by now! David is going to regret having me as the podcast host! Everyone will know I’m a fraud, and no one will like or respect me. People will judge and reject me, and I’ll end up ostracized and alone. She believed these thoughts at 100%. You might recall that the Necessary and Sufficient Conditions for emotional distress are: You have one or more negative thoughts. You believe the negative thoughts. In today’s podcast, you will hear the first half of the session, which included T = Testing as well as E = Empathy. During the Empathy phase, David also included two Uncovering Techniques, the individual Downward Arrow Technique and the Interpersonal Downward Arrow Technique, so that he and Rhonda could identify the Self-Defeating Beliefs under the surface, like Perfectionism, Perceived Perfectionism, the Approval Addiction, Superwoman, and more. This is because there are two goals in TEAM-CBT. The first goal is to crush the negative thoughts in the here and now, so that you’ll feel relief. The second goal is to modify the Self-Defeating Beliefs so you’ll be less prone to similar thoughts and feelings in the future. In next week’s podcast, you will hear the second half of the session, which included A = (Paradoxical) Agenda Setting and M = Methods. You’ll also hear the final T = Testing to find out how effective the session was, and how Rhonda rated David on Empathy and Helpfulness. I think you’ll find that both sessions are incredibly inspiring and wonderful sources of learning as well. I want to give a shout out to Rhonda for being so courageous and vulnerable and real, and for making this live therapy session possible! After you’ve heard Part 2 next week, let us know what you think! You’ve all responded very positively to the live therapy we’ve done on the Feeling Good Podcasts, and you’ve asked for more. Rhonda and I are committed to making that happen for you, and we are both so grateful for your support, which means a lot to both of us. Thank you! David and Rhonda  

How to Overcome Shyness In a recent podcast, David and Rhonda emphasized the importance of specificity--selecting one specific moment when you want help. This is very true in the treatment of shyness.  Jason, who we introduced in the last podcast, wanted to work on the intense anxiety he felt in the locate grocery store. He thought the woman checking groceries was attractive, but he was terrified about talking to her, or trying to flirt. So he said nothing, and left the store feeling like a failure.  After this humiliating experience, he filled out a Daily Mood Log and listed all the Negative Thoughts and feelings he'd had while waiting to check his groceries. After doing Positive Reframing, he decided on the Negative Though he wanted to work on first: “People will think I’m a self-centered jerk if I try to flirt with her.” David and Jason put this thought in the Recovery Circle and selected more than 20 techniques Jason could use to challenge thought.  On the podcast, David and Rhonda illustrate how to challenge that thought using many of the methods listed on the Recovery Circle, including: Identify the Distortions. They found all ten distortions in this thought. The Straightforward Technique. This technique was not effective, since the Positive Thought Jason came up with was not valid, and it did not reduce his belief in the Negative Thought. However, this technique did reveal something important about Jason—he seems to see the world in an adversarial way, and imagines he is in competition with others who will try to put him down. The Cost-Benefit Analysis. What the are Advantages and Disadvantages of Jason’s Negative Thought? Jason did a remarkable job with this technique, and found it helpful and illuminating. The Individual Downward Arrow Technique. David and Rhonda illustrated how this works, using role-playing. They were able to identify five of Jason’s Self-Defeating Beliefs that are extremely common in Social Anxiety, including: Perfectionism Perceived Perfectionism The Approval Addiction The Spotlight Fallacy The Brushfire Fallacy The Paradoxical Double Standard Technique. What would Jason say to a dear friend who was also struggling with severe shyness? Would he say, “People will think you’re a self-centered jerk if you try to flirt with her.” If not, why not? What would Jason say to a friend? And would he be willing to talk to himself in the same compassionate way? This technique was also very helpful to Jason. Examine the Evidence. What’s the evidence that people will think he’s a self-centered jerk if he tries to flirt with a young lady he’s attracted to? Survey Technique. Have his friends ever struggled with anxiety when they were starting to date? Would they think of him as a “self-centered jerk” if he was more outgoing and flirtatious? This was a homework assignment, to ask his friends. The information he got was a huge surprise. Thinking in Shades of Gray. He thinks he has to sweep her off her feet or he’ll get totally rejected and ostracized by the human race. Is there some easier goal he could shoot for? He’s telling himself that if she shoots him down, it will prove that he’s a “loser.” Are there other reasons why a grocery checker might not respond favorably to a young man who is trying to flirt with her? Feared Fantasy / Acceptance Paradox. David and Rhonda illustrate this amazing technique, with role-reversals. This technique will help Jason crush the Self-Defeating Beliefs that cause his shyness in the first place, like the Approval Addiction. These techniques were extremely helpful to Jason, and all of his negative feelings went down dramatically by the end of his first therapy session. However, he will have to do more work outside the office for homework, using Interpersonal Exposure Techniques to confront his fears of rejection, including: Smile and Hello practice Flirting Training Talk show Host Rejection Practice Self-Disclosure Shame Attacking Exercises These assignments terrified Jason, but he courageously agreed and followed through. He had his share of rejections, as we all do, but had some successes, too, and soon was dating a lot and enjoying it, and his shyness became a thing of the past. The treatment only required four sessions.  

We all have self-defeating behaviors and beliefs that sabotage us from the kind of life we want to lead.  In this video I tackle the topic of self defeating beliefs, where they come from and how to change them!

How can you get rid of Self-Defeating Beliefs? Although any of the 100 + TEAM-CBT methods can be used to modify an SDB, four methods will be highlighted in today's show. Cost-Benefit Analysis Semantic Method Experimental Technique Feared Fantasy For more information on how to change SDBs, you might want to watch the extremely popular David and Jill  FB Live show on Overcoming Perfectionism (recorded on November 11, 2018). What research has been done on SDBs? This topic was not discussed in the show, but individuals with an interest in research might want to read David’s study with Dr. Jackie Persons on the causal connections between depression and SDBs about dependency (attachment) as well as achievement (perfectionism) in several hundred patients in Philadelphia during the first 12 weeks of their treatment at David’s clinic. The study confirmed That both types of SBS were significantly correlated with depression severity at intake and at the 12-week evaluation. In addition, changes in depression were correlated with changes in SDBs. However, a sophisticated statistical analysis with structural equation modeling techniques did not confirm that SDBs had causal effects on depression, or that depression had causal effects on SDBs. Instead, SDBs and feelings of depression appeared to share an unknown common cause. Persons, J. B., Burns, D. D., Perloff, J. M., & Miranda, J. (1993). Relationships between symptoms of depression and anxiety and dysfunctional beliefs about achievement and attachment. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 101(4): 518 - 524.  

Rajesh asked: Is it possible to change an SDB? Does the mere knowledge of an SDB change it? How long does it take to change an SDB? How do you change SDBs? Nikola asked: Aaron Beck said the SDBs never really go away. They just get activated and deactivated and activated again. Does this mean that depression is an incurable disease that will keep coming back over and over again? What’s the point in battling against a core belief if it cannot be changed? Fabrice and I appreciate your questions--they often give us ideas for shows! In today’s Podcast you'll learn the answers to several questions about Self-Defeating Beliefs. What’s the difference between Self-Defeating Beliefs (SDBs) vs. Cognitive Distortions? The thoughts that contain cognitive distortions, such as All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Discounting the Positive, and Self-Blame are distortions of reality, they are the cons that trigger depression and anxiety. When you're upset, these thoughts will flood your mind. These thoughts can be show to be false, and when you crush a distorted negative thought, you'll immediately feel better. Self-Defeating Beliefs are stipulations, values that you've set up for your self. For example, you may base your self-esteem on your accomplishments due to your belief that people who accomplish more are more worthwhile as human beings. SDBs like this cannot actually be shown to be false--they are simply your personal, subjective values, and they are thought to be with you all the time, and not just when you're depressed, anxious, or angry. The question with an SDB is this: What are the advantages and disadvantages of having this value system? How will it help me--what are the benefits--and how might it hurt me? What's the downside? Why are Self-Defeating Beliefs thought to be important? When you challenge and defeat a distorted thought, you feel better in the here-and-now. When you challenge and change an SDB, you change your value system at a deep level. This is thought to make you less vulnerable to painful mood swings and relationship conflicts in the future. What are the different kinds of SDBs? David’s list of 23 Common SDBs is attached. This list is not comprehensive, as there are many more, but the ones on the list are very common. There are several categories of SDBs. Individual SDBs are often “Self-Esteem Equations” Perfectionism Perceived Perfectionism Achievement Addiction Approval Addiction Love Addiction Interpersonal SDBs are expectations of what will happen in certain kinds of relationships, or relationships in general What’s your understanding of the other person’s role in your relationship? What adjectives describe him or her? What’s your understanding of your person’s role in the relationship? What adjectives describe you? How would that kind of relationship feel? What rules connect the two roles? Other kinds of SDBs Anger / conflict cluster Entitlement Truth Blame Anxiety cluster Niceness Conflict Phobia Anger Phobia Emotophobia Submissiveness Spotlight Fallacy Brushfire Fallacy How can you identify your own, or a patient’s, Self-Defeating Beliefs? Look at the list of 23 individual SDBs (easiest). You might want to do that right now. Review the list, and you'll probably find many of your own beliefs! Individual Downward Arrow Interpersonal Downward Arrow  

Jill Fleming interviews Christy Mattoon - a gifted energy psychologist and hands-on-healer.  Christy helps you rewire those unconscious mindsets and beliefs that can be stalling out your life, business or career.  Your thoughts determine your actions and if your thoughts are not in alignment with your goals, there will be a struggle!   Tune in to learn how Christy helps you neutralize your past to engage your future. Learn more about Christy Mattoon at MindRewire.com Buy Christy's books:CHANGE Rewire your Mind!: How to Get Unstuck, Stop Beating Yourself Up, Stop Self Sabotage, and Stop Living in the Past, Without Drugs, Antidepressants or Years in Therapy How to Combat Autoimmune Disease and WIN!: Eliminate Subconscious Stress and Self- Defeating Beliefs to Beat Your Symptoms and Diseases, Improve Your Quality of Life, and Achieve Your Dreams Jill Fleming – Beyond Logic Coaching + Consulting Sponsored by: Beyond Logic Coaching + Consulting with strategist, visionary entrepreneur and best-selling author, Jill Fleming. Get your free gift at livingbeyondlogic.com   Music courtesy of Daniel Hoshor - AwakenedYouth.co

The Roles and the Rules—Psychoanalysis at Warp Speed! Most of us run into conflicts with other people from time to time, or even frequently. In this podcast, you will discover precisely why this happens, and how you to change the beliefs that get you into trouble, if that’s what you want to do. Psychoanalysts sometimes help people discover what they call “core conflicts.” According to the highly regarded psychoanalytic researcher Lester Luborsky, PhD, an example of a core conflict might be, “My needs will never be met in my relationships with others.” If you believe this, it will tend to function as a self-fulfilling prophecy, so you’ll constantly feel hurt, lonely, and rejected, and perhaps resentful when you try to get close to others. And you probably won’t realize you’re creating your own painful interpersonal reality. You’ll think that this is just the way it is. Once you bring the painful system to conscious awareness, you can use a variety of powerful techniques to change your expectations and beliefs so you can enjoy far greater satisfaction and intimacy in your relationships with others. David and Fabrice will illustrate a powerful, high-speed method that to bring your own Interpersonal Self-Defeating Beliefs to conscious awareness. David has called it the Interpersonal Downward Arrow Technique. David and Fabrice will revisit the same clinical example from the last Podcast—the psychologist named Harold who felt devastated when his favorite patient unexpectedly committed suicide, but in this podcast they will examine how Harold sets up his relationships with his colleagues in a way that causes him to feel lonely, anxious, and resentful. You can use the Interpersonal Downward Arrow Technique to identify anybody's Self-Defeating Beliefs in five to seven minutes, as opposed to spending five years or more free-associating on an analyst’s couch to get the same information. Not a bad deal! During the podcast, you may want to download and print “The Rules and the Roles” form that David and Fabrice will be using during the podcast. There will be an exercise for you to do while you are listening. But don’t do the written exercise if you’re listening while driving in your car! In the next podcast, David and Fabrice will discuss a third powerful uncovering technique developed by the late Dr. Albert Ellis, a former psychoanalyst from New York who is considered the "Grandfather of Cognitive Therapy." It’s called the “What-If Technique," and Dr. Burns will bring it to life with an inspiring and dramatic story of a woman from San Francisco who had been suffering from years of mild depression and severe Agoraphobia—the intense fear of leaving home alone. So stay tuned! And feel free to comment below or ask questions. Fabrice and I greatly appreciate your feedback and guidance! If you are reading this blog on social media, I appreciate it! I would like to invite you to visit my website, http://www.FeelingGood.com, as well. There you will find a wealth of free goodies, including my Feeling Good blogs, my Feeling Good Podcasts with host, Dr. Fabrice Nye, and the Ask Dr. David blogs as well, along with announcements of upcoming workshops, and resources for mental health professionals as well as patients! Once you link to my blog, you can sign up using the widget at the top of the column to the right of each page. Please firward my blogs to friends as well, especially anyone with an interest in mood problems, psychotherapy, or relationship conflicts.  

What are the root causes of depression? Anxiety? Relationship problems? In this, and the next two podcasts, you will discover the answer! Cognitive Therapists believe that negative thoughts, or cognitions, can exist on two different levels. When you’re upset, you’ll have Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) in the here and now, and they’ll usually be something like this: Depression: You may be telling yourself that you’re a loser, or a failure, or that you’ll be miserable forever. Anxiety: You’re probably telling yourself that you’re in danger, and that something terrible is about to happen. “When I get up to give my talk at my church group, my mind will probably go blank and I’ll make a total fool of myself!” Relationship conflicts: You may be telling yourself that someone you’re ticked off at is a self-centered jerk who only cares about himself or herself and shouldn’t be that way! Individual Downward Arrow But why do we get these ANTs in the first place? Cognitive therapists believe that Self-Defeating Beliefs, and other deeper structures in the brain, make us vulnerable to painful mood swings and conflicted relationships with the people we care about. To help you pinpoint your own Self-Defeating Beliefs, David has created two uncovering techniques called the Individual Downward Arrow and the Interpersonal Downward Arrow, and Albert Ellis, the noted New York psychologist, created a third called the “What-If” Technique. In today’s podcast, Drs. Burns and Nye illustrate the Individual Downward Arrow technique, using as an example a psychologist named Harold who was understandably devastated when his patient unexpectedly committed suicide. You can follow along on this PowerPoint presentation starting with Harold’s Daily Mood Log with David and Fabrice while they illustrate the Individual Downward Arrow technique. [office src="https://onedrive.live.com/embed?cid=4C33CD5BBD389DD2&resid=4C33CD5BBD389DD2%21158&authkey=AMjeMe-n6Qmswxc&em=2&wdAr=1.3333333333333333"] Once they come to the “bottom of the barrel,” they will ask you to pause the recording, and see if you can pinpoint five or six or more of Harold’s Self-Defeating Beliefs, using the list of 23 Common Self-Defeating Beliefs. David emphasizes that we create our own emotional and interpersonal reality at every moment of every day, but we aren’t aware of this, so we often feel like victims of forces beyond our control. We are really talking about emotional and interpersonal enlightenment, and the uncovering techniques will make this ancient Buddhist concept more understandable for you. If you’d like more tips on precisely how to do the Individual Downward Arrow Technique, you can read David’s recent Feeling Good Blog on this topic! In our next Feeling Good Podcast, David and Fabrice will illustrate the Interpersonal Downward Arrow Technique, which will allow you to complete a course of psychoanalysis in just 5 to 7 minutes, rather than the 5 to 7 years free associating on the couch. It is truly psychoanalysis at warp speed, and is pretty amazing! And when you change the beliefs that trigger interpersonal conflicts, you can change them and enjoy greater satisfaction in your relationships with the people you care about. But sometimes, that requires a little bit of courage! And in the third Feeling Good Podcast on the uncovering techniques, David and Fabrice will illustrate Dr. Albert Ellis' famous "What-If Technique." If you struggle with any type of anxiety, including fears and phobias, this technique can help you uncover the feared fantasy at the root of your fears, so you can challenge the monster and attain freedom from the fears that hold you back!  

A listener named Daisy describes her despair at being unable to have a baby, despite intensive efforts at a fertility clinic. She gets well-meaning messages from friends, family and support groups that she really needs a baby in order to feel truly happy and fulfilled, and these messages make her feel anxious and depressed. But she wonders whether this is really true. Does she really need a baby to feel happy? In fact, we we get all kinds of messages from society that we need certain things in order to feel worthwhile, including: Achievement / Success / Wealth Intelligence Perfection Love Approval Popularity Good looks Are these things really needs? Listen to today’s podcast and you may be surprised by the answer! In the next three podcasts, David and Fabrice will discuss three powerful uncovering techniques that can help you pinpoint the Self-Defeating Beliefs that may be at the root of your own unhappiness and anxiety. These include the Individual Downward Arrow Technique, the Interpersonal Downward Arrow Technique, and the What-If Technique. After that, David and Fabrice will also describe some powerful techniques to help you change the way you think and feel!