Podcast appearances and mentions of Matt May

Welcome to another episode of Accelerate Your Business Growth! Today, host Diane Helbig sits down with team building expert Matt May, president of Premier Team Building and Interactive Experiences. With years of experience designing and leading team building programs for organizations across the globe, Matt offers a fresh perspective on why the term “team building” sometimes has a bad reputation—and how to shift it into something employees actually look forward to. In this insightful conversation, Matt unpacks what makes team building activities memorable (in a good way), why fun isn't just a “nice-to-have,” and how thoughtfully orchestrated events can organically foster connection, collaboration, and ultimately drive better business results. Whether you've attended your fair share of cringeworthy trust falls, or you're just looking for creative ways to strengthen your workplace culture, you'll find practical tips on choosing the right experience, the importance of safety and inclusivity, and how even lighthearted competition can bring teams closer together. Tune in as Diane and Matt break down misconceptions and share inspiring success stories—because as we return to more in-person work, building genuine human connections might just be the key to your organization's growth. If you are a small business owner or salesperson who struggles with getting the sales results you are looking for, get your copy of Succeed Without Selling today. Learn the importance of Always Be Curious. Accelerate Your Business Growth is proud to be included on the list of the 45 Best Business Growth Podcasts. We are also honored to be selected by FeedSpot as one of the Top 10 Growth Hacking Podcasts, Top 25 Evergreen Podcasts and Top 50 Business Growth Podcasts on the web. Each episode of this podcast provides insights and education around topics that are important to you as a business owner or leader. The content comes from people who are experts in their fields and who are interested in helping you be more successful. Whether it's sales challenges, leadership issues, hiring and talent struggles, marketing, seo, branding, time management, customer service, communication, podcasting, social media, cashflow, or publishing, the best and the brightest join the host, Diane Helbig, for a casual conversation. Discover programs, webinars, services, books, and other podcasts you can tap into for fresh ideas. Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and visit Helbig Enterprises to explore the many ways Diane can help you improve your business outcomes and results. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yoversion Podcast #140 - May 2025 with John Jones - Special Guestmix: Matt May (Housework - London) TRACKLISTING Dam Swindle, Faye Meana - Girl // Heist Recordings Tooker, Labdi - Nang'o // Ouãe THE HOTSPOT Cash Only x China Charmeleon Ft. Kyra - Holy Water // King St Sounds Karizma - MAKE !T LAST // K2 Art Of Tones, Sulene Fleming - Hoping For Another Chance // Big Love Music BACK IN THE BOX Demon & Heartbraker - You Are My High // 20000st Saliva Commandos - Don't Call It a Come Back // Let Me Know 3-ON-THE-SPIN Spencer Parker Ft. Tee Amara - Better Days “Spencer's Version” // Rekids aya, Vanco - Ma Tnsani (Yalla Habibi) // Afro Republik Low Steppa, Capri (UK) - Got The Funk // Defected CASSIMM, Mahalia Fontaine - Say Yeah // Toolroom Your SHOUT! (Davina Graham, Ruislip) Butch, Life on Planets - Get High With You // Defected Jocelyn Brown, Luke Alessi, Chloé Caillet - The One // DisOrder Records Oden & Fatzo & THEOS - Only You // Defected THE CLASSIC TRACK First Choice - Let No Man Put Asunder “Dam Swindle Remix” // Salsoul Records Special Guestmix: Matt May (Housework - London) DJ WADY - HEY GIRL KENNY BRIAN - FIESTA EN AFRICA DAMIEN MULL – PLOP – FEEL THE MUZIK ACCAPELLA ZACK LE NEZ - GOOD TIMES SUPERNOVA - ZERO RELATION FRANKY RIZARDO – CONTROL YOURSELF MICHAEL GRAY – OVER YOU MARTIN SHARP – HIGHER STATE VIRAK, IVAN POLGE – CARRY ME – I CAN'T STOP ACCAPELLA KRISTOFSON – TRAVOLTA RUE JAY – I WANT YOUR LOVE SHARAM JAY, MARCO LYS – SHAKE YOUR INNER CITY – BIG FUN www.YoversionRecords.com @JohnJonesDJ

Visit the Northshore's award-winning* podcast returns with an episode that is on the move. Katie and Zondra sit down with Matt May from Canoe and Trail Adventures Tours & Rentals, and Captain Mike Jones from Louisiana Tours and Adventures, to talk about all the great outdoor opportunities that await visitors to The Northshore. And for their Wave Reviews segment, they talk to Sean Fitzsimmons of O'Wheelies Bicycle Company. These are some of the many reasons The Northshore is called "Louisiana's Easy Escape." *In February, All The Waves received the award for Tourism Campaign of the Year, Under $30K from the Louisiana Travel Association. Congrats, Katie & Zondra!

It's Story Time, our walk through cricket history via your listener quiz challenges. This week, across the river from Adelaide Oval on a sunny afternoon full of birdsong, it's a nice time to welcome a member of our sleuth crew to the show for the first time. Matt May has a remarkable collection of cricket memorabilia: kits, cards, cassettes, the lot. And he gets to flex his catalogue by tackling Ramaswamy with an Adelaide twist. Your Nerd Pledge numbers this week: 2.18 - Gary Murphy 3.56 - Ramaswamy 2.19 - Sam Brown Come to our live shows! Brisbane December 12 Melbourne December 22 Sydney January 7 Tickets at linktr.ee/thefinalword Support the show with a Nerd Pledge at patreon.com/thefinalword Get 10% off the brilliant Maxi sunnies - the perfect Christmas gift t20vision.com/FINALWORD Maurice Blackburn Lawyers - fighting for the rights of workers since 1919: mauriceblackburn.com.au Sort your super with CBUS on their 40th birthday: cbussuper.com.au Get your Nord VPN discount - nordvpn.com/tfw Find previous episodes at finalwordcricket.com Title track by Urthboy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Waking Up Dreading the Day Mother-Daughter Problems Patients Who Are Afraid of Their Feelings Romantic Problems, and More Questions for today: Rose asks: I wake up dreading the day. What can I do?! Maggie integrates TEAM-CBT with prayer and asks for help with mother / daughter issues. Simon asks: “How can we deal with patients who are afrad of their feelings?” Amanda asks: “Help! I have a romantic relationship conflict! What should I do?” Aaron asks: Why are feelings of depression and anxiety correlated? In other words, why do they frequently go hand in hand? The following questions and answers were written prior to the live podcast. Make sure you listen to the podcast to get the full answers, including role-play demonstrations, and so forth.   Rose asks: I wake up dreading the day. What can I do?! Hi David, I've been reading your book, "Feeling Good," for help with my anxiety ever since my 100-year-old mom moved in with me.  Your techniques are helping, but every morning I wake up anxious, dreading starting my day.  Is there a technique to help with this? I really am working to change my thoughts from negative to more positive thanks to you. I look forward to hearing from you. Rose David's reply In my book, Feeling Good, I urge people to write down your negative thoughts, and emphasize that it won't work very well unless you do this. Many people refuse. How about you? What were the thoughts you wrote down when you woke up feeling upset and dreading your day. Could use as an Ask David on a podcast if you like. Best, david Rose wrote: Thanks for your speedy reply.  I'm new at this and just started reading the book yesterday, but I will start writing down my thoughts.  Thanks for your help. Maggie integrates TEAM-CBT with prayer and asks for help with mother / daughter issues. Dear Dr. Burns, I want to begin by expressing my deep gratitude for your work, which has had a profound impact on my life. Your book Feeling Good: The Workbook helped me overcome a very dark period of depression after being diagnosed with infertility. It truly transformed my mental health, and I continue to rely on your techniques—especially your list of cognitive distortions, which I use often to stay grounded. Your podcast has also been a great resource for me, and I've noticed recent episodes touching on the self and spirituality, which caught my attention in a special way. I felt compelled to share something personal with you. While your methods gave me the tools to change my thinking, I also found solace and strength through my faith. Prayer was an essential part of my healing process, and for me, it provided something beyond my own power. In moments when I felt I couldn't make it through on my own, the belief that there is a God I can turn to brought me peace and comfort. Both your work and my faith were crucial in my journey. Your research and teachings helped me take control of my thoughts, but my relationship with God gave me hope when I needed it most. I believe that the combination of these two—your scientifically backed methods and the power of prayer—made a tremendous difference in my recovery. I'm also excited about your app, but as someone living in Honduras, I was unable to download it. I would love to know if there are plans to make it available outside the U.S. in the near future, as it would be an incredible resource for me and others in similar situations. Lastly, can I make a suggestion for a podcast subject?  Mother daughter issues. I really need help in this area of my life. Thank you for your dedication to helping others. I hope that sharing my experience offers some insight into how both your studies and faith in something greater can bring peace and healing. With gratitude, Maggie David's reply Thanks, and we'd love to read part of your beautiful note, with or without your correct first name, on a podcast. If you can give me a more specific example of the mother daughter issue you want help with, it would make it much easier to respond in a sensible way! Warmly, david Maggie responded Dear Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and for asking me to clarify my suggestion regarding mother-daughter issues. I deeply love my mother, and I know she means well, but our relationship has become increasingly challenging as she gets older. One of the major difficulties I face is her tendency to offer passive-aggressive criticism, which leaves me feeling undermined. I've always known her to be this way—she was never very affectionate, and I've gotten used to that. However, lately, it feels like it's getting worse. She's hard of hearing, even with a hearing aid, and often adopts a “my way or the highway” attitude, which makes conversations with her exhausting. Simple moments where I hope to share something exciting are often met with dismissive or critical remarks. Here are three examples of the kind of interactions that affect me: I recently purchased tickets for a trip to Australia with friends, and her response was to ridicule my choice, saying that Spain or Italy is a much more beautiful destination. I had just bought the tickets, and all I wanted was for her to share in my excitement. I sent her a picture of a new piece of art I was excited about, and her immediate reaction was, “I liked the other one better. That one doesn't match the color of the walls.” As I was about to leave for a party with my husband, she commented, “Don't you think you're wearing too much makeup?” These kinds of remarks constantly make me feel inadequate, and it's emotionally draining. As a result, I've found myself avoiding calling or visiting her. However, this leads to feelings of guilt, especially because I love my father very much, I enjoy his peaceful company and wise conversation and advice, and not visiting them also affects my relationship with him. What I struggle with most is that I know I might regret not spending enough time with her as she gets older, even though she isn't sick or dying. I just don't know how to manage the criticism without feeling constantly undermined, and I'd appreciate any advice you might offer on how to navigate this dynamic while preserving my sense of self-worth. Thank you again for your time and for the incredible impact your work has had on my life. With gratitude, Maggie David's reply I notice you're pointing the finger of blame at her. If you want to shift things, it can be helpful to examine your role. I'm attaching a copy of the Relationship Journal. Please do three of these, one for each example below. You already have half of Step 1—what, exactly, did she say. To complete Step 1, circle all the feelings you think she may have been feeling. Then complete Steps 2 and 3, which should be fairly easy. Then I can take a look, and we'll see what we can figure out, if you'd like. Also, this will not be therapy, but general teaching. LMK if that's okay. Best, david Here are the three examples she provided, along with how she responded to her mom: Three Maggie examples of interactions with her mother (Ask David podcast) #1 Mom said: Dear, I would never have thought of Australia as a destination. I would much rather fly to Italy or Spain, filled with culture, art, and great food. Sydney would be the LAST place I'd want to visit! I replied: Well, mom, we've already been to those places, and we love a great adventure, and we're really excited by the outdoors. #2 Just as we were about to leave, Mom said: “Don't you think you're wearing too much make up?” I replied: I probably am, I didn't notice (and rushed immediately to my room to remove it.) #3 I share a piece of art I brought home, and Mom said: “I liked the one you had before. It matched the walls much better than this one. Why did you change it? Who is the artist?” I replied: “Well, we have to like it because it's the only wall in the house where it will fit, so we're just going to have to live with it.” Simon asks: “How can we deal with patients who are afraid of their feelings?” Dear Dr. David Burns, Hi, my name is Simon and I'm a clinical psychologist from Chile, sorry if my English is kind of broken, it isn't my first language. First of all, I want to tell you how grateful I am for your great work and all the knowledge you give to the general public for free. Of course I also must praise the work of the entire team working at the podcast (which I am the biggest fan from my country). I hope one day I can be a certified team cbt therapist myself in the future, but that would be a different story. I think the world needs more people with such a love for mental health and I hope I can continue to listen to your content for more years to come. Today I wanted to ask you guys some questions related to feelings. I have applied some techniques to myself and my patients and it's really mind blowing noticing how effective they are. Nevertheless, I still have one patient who struggles with accepting or permitting himself to feel his feelings. He is grieving the loss of his father and he is very good convincing me that if he does feel his sadness or anxiety (as I suggested him), he may go crazy and commit suicide. He reports good empathy from me, but I'm afraid that he may be too nice to criticize me. So, I ask for your opinion: How can we deal with patients who are afraid of their feelings? How can we build a solid relationship with our patients regarding this subject so they can finally vent these feelings? Thank you all for all the hard work and have a great day! With Love, Simon David's answer Hi Simone, Thanks for your kind words, and may want to use your question on an Ask David. LMK if that's okay. Here's the quick answer. It sounds like venting feelings is your agenda. Nearly all therapeutic failure comes from well-intentioned therapists who try to “help” or “rescue” the patient. I get the best results working on the things my patients want help with. Rhonda has a free weekly group on Wednesdays at mid-morning, and I have a free weekly training group at Stanford on Tuesday evenings (5 to 7 PM California time.) You'd be welcome to join either. Best, david Amanda asks: “Help! I have a romantic relationship conflict! What should I do?” Hi Dr Burns! Firstly, I would like to thank you for your tremendous work and heart to help people who are suffering from depression & anxiety around the world. I found your book in 2021 through a YouTube video you did with Tom Bilyeu and the rest was history. I went down to our local bookstore to get Feeling Good and I was reading it everywhere I went. It saved my life and cured my anxiety! Every time I hit a roadblock, I will go back to the book and try the techniques. I also love the podcasts as they have been very helpful for me. Shoutout to Rhonda and Dr Matt May too! I currently face an issue and would like to submit it as a question for Ask David series. Please address me as Amanda. I am in a stable and committed relationship (for 8 years) but am facing issues with my boyfriend which causes resentment between us. Meanwhile, a friend pursued me despite knowing that I am in a relationship. He told me during a meetup that he felt attracted to me and asked if I will choose him if I am single. I was attracted to this guy as he is confident, funny and carefree, which are qualities that I desire and find lacking in myself. I like him but I know that he is not a good match for me because of his actions and behaviour. The actions seemed manipulative and reflected some narcissistic tendencies. At the start, he would text me frequently then the messages became short when I declined to meet up on a 1-1 basis with him as I want to protect my own relationship. He would drop me a short message every week, using intermittent reinforcement, to ask me how I am doing and then asked if we could meet up for a meal. Example 1: Guy-"Lunch?" Me-"Ok if it's with the group." Guy-"Ok." End of communication. Example 2: Guy-"How are you recently?" Me- "I am feeling better, thanks for checking in!" Guy- "Thumbs up emoji" End of conversation. If I initiate a meetup to run errands or for a meal, he would accept it readily. In a way, there is only communication and interaction when we meet up and I know this is not a healthy interaction or something that I want. Fast forward, I ignored him and he is in a relationship now but our dynamics remain the same. If I reached out to him for a meal, he would respond and behave in a caring way when we met. He offered to buy food for me when I was sick and find ways to continue to meet up. I feel that this guy is just trying to get me as it gives him an ego boost (and thrill) that I care for him even though I am in a committed relationship. In our last meetup recently, I made sure to record how I felt and noticed that the satisfaction level has gone down to about 60% as compared to  previously when I was eager to meet him. I would like to reduce it to 10% or even 0%. I also recorded my satisfaction level when I did things alone or with my boyfriend. I realized that my satisfaction/pleasure level is higher and more consistent when I do things that I set out to do on my own and there are times it is enhanced/lowered when I spend time with my boyfriend. Using the daily mood log, the upsetting event is: I will ignore this friend for a period of time then I will go back to the same communication and meetup with him. Then, I'm stuck in the same dynamic again. My negative thoughts are: I will never be able to get out of this. I am doomed. I have no power or control, he has all the power. People always take advantage of me because I'm weak. I am a loser because I keep going back. I will never be happy again since I cannot overcome this. Things will be as such. This chapter will leave a mark on my life and I will be miserable. I am a horrible person for allowing myself to fall for someone while being in a relationship. I have been re-reading the chapter in Feeling Good on love addiction and spending more time with myself to build a relationship with myself so that I can be happy alone. I am also using the cost benefit analysis to melt my own resistance so that I do not go back but I do not seem to be able to totally defeat the negative thoughts above. I hope to receive some guidance related to this on the podcast if possible. Thank you so much! Love, Amanda David's Reply Hi Amanda, Thanks so much. There are many paths forward, but one thing that might help would be to use the Decision Making Tool since you seem to be unclear on what you want to do. That might be a good first step, or next step. You can download it from the bottom of the home page of my website, feelinggood.com. I can understand your negative feelings and confusion and self-doubt, anxiety, discouragement, frustration. I'm just speculating. There are many ways to challenge your thoughts, but some good positive reframing might help before trying to  challenge them, so you could check out your goals for each negative emotion. Including a recent Daily Mood Log, in case you don't have one. All the best, david PS What you are doing all makes good sense, developing a relationship with yourself, doing a cba, etc., Kudos! In addition, the “25 things I'm looking for in an ideal mate” tool in Intimate Connections might also be helpful. Aaron asks: Why are feelings of depression and anxiety correlated? In other words, why do they frequently go hand in hand? Hi Dr. Burns, I am rereading When Panic Attacks, this has lead to a question. In the book you mention that one theory about why people have both anxiety and depression is that they "can't distinguish different kinds of emotions." Can you expand on this to help me better understand what this means? My interpretation now has me thinking that people are just saying they are depressed and anxious because they don't understand what each word for the emotions means. Thank you for your help, Aaron W. California---LMSW (Idaho)  David's reply David D. Burns, MD Sure, but that is not my thinking, just a common theory that of course deserves respectful consideration and testing. To me, depression is the feeling that accompanies loss, and anxiety is the feeling that accompanies the perception of imminent threat or danger. Beck put it like this: Anxiety is like clinging by your fingertips at the edge of a cliff, fearing you will fall at any moment. Depression, in contrast, is more like thinking you have already fallen, and you are at the bottom of the cliff, broken and injured beyond repair. Here are a couple other things that might interest you. When people are depressed, they will also report feelings of anxiety nearly 100% of the time. However, when they are anxious, they will only report feelings of depression about half the time. This is because you can have some type of anxiety, like a phobia such as the fear of heights, or elevators, or flying, but not feel depressed about it. And here is one more tidbit. My research on the beta test data from our Feeling Great App indicates that all seven negative feelings we measure are strongly correlated and go up or down together, which was quite unexpected. The statistical models that simulate the data provide strong evidence for an unknown “Common Cause” that activates all negative emotions simultaneously. We are trying to figure out what that Common Cause might be. It is a bit like “Dark Matter.” Scientists have proven it's existence, but don't yet know what it is. And this unknown Dark Matter represents 95% of the matter in the universe. The statistical models also provide strong evidence that the Feeling Great App helps people because of its strong causal impact on this unknown “Common Cause.” Would love to include this an Ask David in a podcast. Would it be okay? Warmly, david Aaron replies Hi Dr. Burns, I would be honored if you used my question in your podcast. Please let me know when that podcast is posted! I would love to watch it. In the email you sent, are you saying that one theory is that people just cannot accurately define what they are feeling? David replies again Yes, that is one theory, and I have seen that some people, including therapists, have trouble recognizing the names of feelings that their patients are having, based on what the patient says, and also they sometimes have trouble knowing how they are feeling, using “I Feel” Statements. This is, I think, part of what has been called “Emotional Intelligence.” And, just like any skill or talent, there is a great deal of individual difference in “Emotional Intelligence,” and likely some cultural differences as well. I have heard that up until recently, the Chinese did have a word for “depression,” but when a person was appearing depressed, they were kept indoors out of a sense of shame. Thanks! david

Podcast 417 Bullying Featuring Manuel Sierra, MD (pictured above) Today, we welcome an old friend, Manuel Sierra, MD, who practices pediatric psychiatry in Idaho, and Dr. Matt May, a familiar and beloved colleague, to discuss bullying. Below you'll find a great list of questions Dr. Matt May submitted just prior to today's podcast, along with some links you may wish to explore for more information. We addressed some of the questions, but certainly not all, during the podcast! Manuel described bullying, and said the ¼ of children and adults have experienced bullying. The consequences can be severe, including suicidal urges or completed suicides, along with shame and a severe loss of self-esteem, and more. He pointed out that bullies are good at zeroing in on aspects of ourselves that we feel insecure about, including how we look, our ethnicity, our aptitudes, and more. He provided links to resources on bullying. The bully picks on someone who is weak, so there is a power imbalance, and does the bullying to gain popularity and power, at the expense of the victim. David and Manuel emphasized that the bullying per se cannot cause the depression, shame, and so forth, but rather the victim must buy into the bully's mean-spirited statements, like “you're weak,” or “you have an ugly zit on your nose,” “your mother is a dirty whore,” and more. Then, the inner dialogue of the victim often goes like this: I must be a terrible and horrible person to get bullied like this. I'm worthless. All the kids are looking down on me. Everybody hates me! Everyone is laughing at me. I'm just a loser. And that, of course, is the voice of the “inner bully” who does all the emotional damage. Manuel and David both emphasized that the goal of treatment is to help the victim see that the “badness” is not with them, but rather with the kid (or adult) who's doing the bullying. Because the victims nearly always feel ashamed, they will often suffer in silence, keeping the bullying a secret. David described what he calls the “abuse contract” that many, and perhaps most, humans buy into when being hurt or exploited. It's really a contract between the abuser and the abused, and there are there parts to the agreement. I get to hurt you for my own pleasure. This might include sexual, physical, financial, or psychological torture or abuse. You, the victim are entirely to blame for this. You are the bad one. I am superior and totally innocent. You deserve what's happening to you. We have to keep this a secret, even from ourselves. You cannot even hint that I am doing something wrong. If you try that, I will REALLY hurt you. David emphasized that the tendency to “accept” this type of horrible contract is not limited to children, but includes adults as well. He emphasized that sometimes the child who is being bullied will tell parents, who then tell the teacher or school officials, who will tell the bully to stop. This is rarely effective, and often makes the situation worse, since the bully tells the victim that they are a snitch and now they will REALLY get what  they “deserve.” Matt described many types of bullying, including physical, psychological, and cyber bullying. Manuel described some of the signs to look for if you suspect a problem with your child, including: Not wanting to go to school. Saying things like “everyone thinks I'm terrible.” Changes in sleep, eating habits, and energy. Somatic symptoms such as stomach aches and headaches. Manuel emphasized that the goal is not to eliminate negative feelings entirely, but rather to reduce the time you spend feeling anxious, humiliated and upset after being bullied. He also emphasized that ongoing practice talking back to your own negative thoughts is an important key to change, in exactly the same way that athletes must commit to ongoing daily practice to boost their physical skills and stamina. Manuel emphasized the importance of empathy and support, as well as asking victims if they'd want some help combatting their automatic negative thoughts and feelings. He shared that he endured considerable bullying as a kid, and was bullied because he was poor, of Mexican heritage, short, wearing glasses (“four eyes”), and young, and sometimes called “a fag” and other hurtful things. He said that reattribution is one useful strategy, among many, for combatting automatic thoughts and negative feelings. Instead of automatically blaming yourself for the bullying, you can ask questions like this: “What is it in their life that makes them want to do things like this.?” And “They are trying to hurt and embarrass me. Why are they doing that.” The goal is to help the victim see that the “badness” and shame really reside within the bully, and not with them. The bully is trying to tear you down. Ask yourself why? The bully thinks that this is the best way for them to gain popularity, power, and importance. Toward the end of the podcast, I, David, again emphasized that the Outer Bully can hurt us physically, by hitting for example, but only the Inner Bully can make us suffer emotionally. And if you've used the Externalization of Voices to crush the inner bully, and you no longer feel intimidated or ashamed when some tries to bully you, it becomes infinitely easier to respond effectively to the Outer Bully, using the Five Secrets, including Disarming and Stroking, as well as humor. To demonstrate this, I invited the other guests to try to bully me as an old person (I'm about to turn 82), and urged them to say the cruelest things they could think of. This is called the Feared Fantasy Technique. I was surprised and pleased at how incredibly easy it was to get “the edge on them. “ I hope you enjoy that aspect of the podcast. We will likely approach this topic again, with a focus on cyber bullying, and will restrict our focus to children and teens. How to Help! Matt once worked with a child who encountered their own 'inner bully' in the form of negative thoughts that would occur when they were unable to assemble LEGO's. The child could express certain thoughts, but was too young to write, so Matt wrote these down: I'll never be able to do it It's impossible I'm not good at anything There is something wrong with me Matt asked the child if they would like to learn a trick for how to feel better and the child agreed. Matt wrote down some new thoughts for the child to choose from to describe the situation that was upsetting to them. Multiple Choice Positive Thoughts: I really, really want to do this! It's ok if I can't do it, yet Some things take lots and lots of practice I may be able to do it later I can do lots of things really well already I can probably get better with practice People love me and like to help Nobody's good at everything all the time Everybody messes up sometimes It might help to take a break   I can always choose to like myself The child said they really liked #11 and felt better right away and during future 'relapses'! Thanks, Matt Thanks for listening today. Below you'll find the email Matt sent prior to the show. Manuel, Rhonda, Matt, and David Matt wrote: Just to stir up trouble and make you all sweat, I'm sending a few questions we might address: What is bullying? How are we defining this term? Is it Liberal Propaganda? How dare I say that? What's the difference between bullying and micro-aggressions / gaslighting? Am I crazy, if I think I'm being gaslighted? If I avoid bullying, in-person, including physical, emotional and verbal abuse...am I safe, on the Internet, at least? Is there such a thing as 'Safety'? Isn't that the thing we need, the most? Whose job is it, to make me feel safe? Why do some people think that safety doesn't exist? What is the significance of bullying? Does it matter or have any tangible effects on individuals or society? Link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK390414/ What are some common misconceptions when it comes to bullying? Here are some that Matt has seen on DML's: It was all my fault / I deserved it / This happened because I am (insert label: bad/weak/defective, etc.) Bullying is normal, nothing can be done about it. Everyone gets bullied. It builds character. I should just get over it. I shouldn't *still* feel upset. That was a long time ago and I've done a lot of therapy. I can't speak up or talk about it, it's just too disturbing and upsetting. People would judge me and reject me, if they knew what happened to me All conflict is dangerous and must be avoided, at all costs I'm just a loser, a born victim, worthless in every way. This will always happen to me and people who believe #2 are correct I should be more accepting of bullies, they're people, too. Bullies shouldn't be bullies and should be hunted to the ends of the earth, and destroyed. What is the *cause* of bullying behaviors? Why would anyone choose to be cruel, manipulative and selfish? What is the 'Dark Triad'? Which feature of the 'Dark Triad' is most closely associated with bullying? Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying What can be done about bullying? How can TEAM therapy help someone who is being bullied? Can TEAM therapy help a bully? What can parents do, if their child is being bullied? Can TEAM help? What can parents do, if their child is bullying? Can TEAM help? What can society do? Other Questions: What is the “Internal Bully”? How does the “Internal Bully” relate to depression? What is the greatest predictor of bullying behavior and thinking? Who's to blame, anyway, here?

Feeling Down? Try the Feeling Great App for Free! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it  out at FeelingGreat.com! What's the Meaning of Life? Before we start today, I have a special shoutout to Max Kosma, our new colleague, friend and brilliant technical guru who helped make our new video studio possible! Next week, we'll see if we can pipe him in to say hello to all of you. His spirit is joyous, infectious, incredibly generous and supportive. Thanks, Max! Rhonda opened today's podcast with a vibrant and inspiring endorsement from Jeff, a podcast fan who was raving about the Feeling Great App. Thank you Jeff, and please check out our new app at FeelingGreat.com. Important Announcement Rhonda, along with a group of dedicated TEAM Therapists, including Amy Berner, Brandon Vance, Leigh Harrington, Mariusz Wirga, and Mark Noble, has just created a new non-profit organization called TEAMCBT International (TCI). TCI will provide seed money in the form of no-or-low-interest loans for groups around the world who want to offer TEAM-CBT intensives for therapists in your country. Rhonda has been instrumental in the organization of successful intensive workshops in India, Poland, Mexico, England and Ireland. They have been well received, but can be somewhat costly to produce, so Rhonda's new group is ready to provide a helping hand. I've had the honor of presenting keynote addresses, live therapy demos, and Q and A sessions in many of those programs, and have totally enjoyed them. A big hug and THANKS to Rhonda once again! To learn more, just go to TEAMCBT.International. Today, Matt joins us for a discussion of the meaning of life, something young people often worry about, but people of any age can be concerned. So, today, you may finally find the answer to that lofty question! But first, I (David) mentioned a little about one of last week's questions, “Is the universe real?” I provided the type of answer the famed philosopher, Ludwig Wittgenstein, might have provided. Namely, that the question is nonsensical, it is language “out of gear.” So, we can dismiss the question, as opposed to trying to answer it. HOWEVER, the question DOES make a ton of sense when we ask if human beings are “real.” And I am not referring to some metaphysical nonsense, but rather the tendency of many people to present a happy or confident false front, all the while feeling empty, lonely, anxious and ashamed inside. Two of the now more-than-140 TEAM techniques include Self-Disclosure and the Survey Technique, where you take the chance of opening up about some of the secrets you've been hiding, and ask others what they think about you. Although this takes tremendous courage, it often results in tremendous warmth and connection to others. I provide a description of a young man who disclosed a tremendous amount he'd been hiding in our recent Tuesday group at Stanford, and he was convinced the group would judge him and look down on him. But just the opposite happened. He encountered a flood of warmth, admiration, and respect from the people in our group. A small miracle, perhaps, but a real and meaningful miracle at the moment when his universe suddenly became “real” and radically different from the dangerous and critical world he'd feared and imagined. Then we tackled today's philosophical question: “What's the Meaning of Life?” As usual, our brilliant and beloved Matt May began with a description of an extraordinarily depressed patient he once treated who'd been hospitalized for 180 days with no improvement, including a very dangerous suicide attempt. Matt was worried for the patient's safety, so told the referring doctor that he'd been willing to talk with the patient while the patient was still in the safe environment of the hospital. The patient called Matt and, after some listening and empathy Matt said he would like to help and that there would be committed to helping the man and thought he could help him make a complete recovery, work with this man, and thought there was an excellent chance for significant progress, perhaps even complete recovery, but the patient probably wouldn't want to work with him.as long as he'd be willing to give Matt what he needed in order to work together effectively. Matt suggested the patient give him a call. On the call, Matt told him he might not be able to afford treatment, since part of the “cost” of therapy was that the patient had to make a commitment to life, and that he must agree never to attempt suicide no matter what, for the rest of his life. After a couple days of reflection, the man convinced Matt that he WOULD make that commitment. Then Matt described the man's problem. Both of his parents were world famous, successful scientists, and during his upbringing, his parents emphasized how fantastic and rewarding a career as a scientist could be, and he was convinced that his parents expected him to follow in their footsteps. He had "learned that doing science was the "meaning of life" and would inevitably result in his feeling satisfied, joyful and proud. So. sure enough, this young man, who was extremely bright, pursued a scientific career, and eventually one of his papers was accepted for publication in one the world's most prestigious research journals. There was a big party at his laboratory, and everyone congratulated him and sang his praises. But there was one big problem. He felt nothing! Of course, he smiled and didn't let on that he felt nothing. He tried to act happy, but simply WASN'T. He said, “I faked it.” He concluded that he must be defective, since he'd done what he was supposed to do, in order to feel joyful and happy, but he felt nothing, even though he had fulfilled his parents dreams and expectations for him. This plunged him into his severe depression, with the familiar theme of “I'm not good enough. In fact, I am deeply flawed and defective, incapable of feeling joy or happiness. There must be something terribly wrong with me!” Sound familiar? Did you ever feel like YOU weren't good enough? During an early session, Matt asked his patient what he really enjoyed, what he'd really LIKE to do with his life. The patient confessed, after much resistance, that he felt that his fantasies were totally ridiculous, but what he really loved were trains, photography, and painting. He said his dream job would be to be a conductor or engineer on a train where he could take pictures of the scenery and especially, the people on the train. BUT, he said, that would be meaningless, since he wouldn't be contributing to science and would be letting everyone down., etc. etc. etc. I bet you can guess what followed! If you were his shrink, what would you say or do? Put your ideas here, into the text box, and then I'll tell you!   If you took a guess, thanks! If you didn't, no problem. Matt suggested he do those very things—take a train somewhere, start snapping photos, and do some painting. Predict how satisfying each thing will be (0 to 100) BEFORE you do it. Then do it, and record how satisfying each activity actually was on the same scale of 0 to 100. He exclaimed, “I'd LOVE to do that,” and started crying. His depression score immediately fell to zero. The next week he brought a large cardboard box to his session. It was filled with books on ancient philosophy and how to find the “meaning of life.” He said, “I don't need these anymore, so they're a gift to you!” Matt said, “I don't need them either!” Now you know about the “meaning of life.” We discussed some of the many meanings in this story, including: Rhonda pointed out what Kurt Vonnegut said on the meaning of life. He said, “We're all here to fart around!” David discussed the basic idea that it's not what we're doing, but our thoughts, that trigger ALL of our feelings. And at the moment you learn to turn off that critical voice in your brain, you will experience your own “enlightenment. David has also said, over and over, that when you discover that you no longer need to be “special,” you can experience the “Great Death” of the “self,” but it's not like a funeral. It's more like a celebration, because when you lose your “self,” and discover you didn't “need” the things you wrongly thought you needed (like love, achievement, perfection, etc.), at that moment you'll experience enlightenment and you'll inherit the world, and life, and deeper connections with the people you love. There's not one “meaning” to life. There are many meanings every day. And today, for Matt, Rhonda and David, it is VERY meaningful and joyful just to hang out with each other, and with you, so we can shoot the breeze together! Or, as Kurt Vonnegut said, so we can "fart around" together. Please keep your wonderful questions and comments flowing, and be sure to catch us in our new video version on my feeling good YouTube channel. Warmly, Rhonda, Matt, and David

Special Announcement #1 Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Special Announcement #2 Here's some GREAT news! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it Today's Podcast Practical Philosophy Month Part 1, The Free Will Problem Welcome to Practical Philosophy month. For the next five weeks, we will discuss some of the most popular and challenging problems in philosophy, such as these: Do human beings have free will? Or is free will just an illusion? Do human beings have a “self?” Or is the “self” just another illusion? Is it possible to be more or less “worthwhile?” Are some humans “better” or “worse” than others? Does God exist? Is the universe “real” or “one”? What's the meaning of life? What is “self-esteem”? How does it differ from self-confidence? What's the difference between conditional and unconditional self-esteem? What's the difference between self-esteem and self-acceptance? What do you have to do to experience joy and feelings of worthwhileness? We will try to complete the list in five weeks, so some weeks we may include more than one topic, since many of these topics are related to one another. Rhonda and David will be joined by our beloved Dr. Matt May, a regular on our Ask David episodes, and for the first and second sessions we will be joined by our beloved Dr. Fabrice Nye, who created and hosted the Feeling Good Podcasts several years ago. Each week, you will also hear about the linkage between these philosophical dilemmas, and emotional problems, like depression, anxiety, and relationship conflicts. For example, nearly all depressed individuals believe that they aren't sufficiently “worthwhile.” I see my goal as a psychiatrist not as helping people feel “more worthwhile,” but rather showing people, if interested, how to give up this notion entirely and become free of certain kinds of damaging judgments of the “self” and others. You will also learn how these types of philosophical problems continue to play a large role in psychiatry and psychology, including the DSM5 diagnostic system. For example, is the diagnosis of “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” a true “mental disorder” that you could “have” or “not have?” And might some or most of the so-called “mental disorders” listed in the DSM be based on faulty philosophical / logical thinking? And if many or most of the “mental disorders” are based on goofy, faulty thinking, is there a more productive and effective way to think about most emotional problems? And how did we get into this mess in the first place? Worrying certainly exists, and we all worry at times. But how much or how often do you have to worry before you develop or have a “mental disorder” called “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” that can be diagnosed like any medical illness and treated with drugs? Or is “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” (and hundreds of other “mental disorders in the DSM” based on a certain kind of nonsensical thinking? And if so, why? What is the goofy, faulty thinking in the DSM? And are there some “mental disorders” that are valid and real? We HAVE touched on all of these themes in previous podcasts, but I thought it would be nice to put them all in one place and bring in a variety of “solutions,” controversies, and experts. I David, will often represent (hopefully, and to the best of my ability) the thinking of Ludwig Wittgenstein, as expressed in his famous book, Philosophical Investigation, published in 1950 following his death. That book consists of a series of numbered brief essays (a few paragraphs each) that were based on notes found in a metal box under his dormitory room at Cambridge University. He'd written these in preparation for his weekly seminars in his dormitory room. Wittgenstein, although now widely regarded as one of the greatest philosophers of all time, did not think he knew enough to teach in a classroom. In fact, because of his feelings of depression and self-doubt, he sadly never tried to publish anything when he was alive. Wittgenstein's philosophy also played an indirect but significant role in the evolution of several modern psychotherapies. His philosophy created new ways of thinking that gave rise to the work of Dr. Albert Ellis, the famous New York psychologist who created Rational Emotive Therapy during the 1950s. Ellis emphasized that the “Should Statements” that trigger so much guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, and rage are based on illogical thinking. He might often say, “Where is it written that people or the world “should” be the way you want them to be?” Of course, this idea actually traces back to the Greek Stoic philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. Wittgenstein's thinking also seems to have played a role in the thinking of Dr. Aaron Beck, who adapted the work of Ellis and called his version of the “Cognitive Therapy.” Beck emphasized many thinking errors, like All-or-Nothing Thinking, and Overgeneralization, that trigger depression, anxiety, and more. Sadly, Wittgenstein struggled with severe depression and loneliness throughout his life, and three of his four brothers tragically died by suicide. Wittgenstein also had prolonged periods of time when he considered suicide. It is also sad that he did not know how to apply his brilliant philosophical breakthroughs to his own negative thinking, but that application of his work did not develop at the time he was still alive. Part of Wittgenstein's depression was related, I believe, to the fact that very few people, including the most famous philosophers of Europe, could understand his thinking when he was alive. From time to time, I think he glimpsed the enormous importance of his work; but I believe that he also had prolonged moments of self-doubt when he thought his work was of little value at best. To be as correct as possible, Wittgenstein did write a manuscript called Tractatus Logico Philosophicus as a young man, although he never tried to publish it. He wrote it when he was a prisoner of war. He thought this book solved all the problems of philosophy, which had plagued him since he was a child, and he felt great relief. He sent a copy of his manuscript to Bertrand Russell, who was a famous British philosopher. Bertrand Russell was incredibly impressed with the Tractatus and distributed it to many European philosophers. Bertrand Russell thought it might be the greatest book in the history of philosophy, and a number of the 20th century philosophical movements including Logical Positivism, were inspired by that book. However, Wittgenstein left the field of philosophy, thinking that his work was done, and that he'd found the solutions he was looking for. He tried teaching grammar school for a while, but was fired because he became frustrated and violent toward some of his students. He also tried to survive as a fisher in a Norwegian fishing town, but was not successful at that, either, because he didn't know much about fishing, much less supporting yourself through fishing. One day, he learned that a brilliant Swedish economics student had found a flaw in his Tractatus, and his inner turmoil about the puzzling problems of philosophy flared up again. He decided to return to the study of philosophy. He applied to be an advanced undergraduate at Cambridge University, but when someone in the admissions office spotted his application, they recognized his name and showed his application to Bertrand Russell, who had been wondering what had become of the young man who once sent him such a brilliant manuscript. Russell, who was the chair of the department of philosophy, said to being Wittgenstein to his office immediately for an interview. Russell explained that he would have to reject Wittgenstein's application to be an undergraduate at Cambridge University. Deeply disappointed, Wittgenstein asked why. Russell told him it was because he was already recognized as the greatest philosopher of the 20th century. Bertrand proposed that if Wittgenstein would agree to skip college and graduate school, they would immediately award him a PhD for the manuscript he'd sent to Russell years earlier. Russell also offered him a full professor ship in the department of philosophy. Wittgenstein protested and said he needed to study philosophy again, because of the error in Tractatus, and that he didn't know anything, and definitely could not teach in a classroom. Bertrand Russell insisted, and they finally struck a deal where Wittgenstein would agree to be a professor of philosophy but all he would have to do was to have a conversation session with anybody who wanted to talk to him at his dormitory room once a week. Wittgenstein accepted and met for years with students and famous philosophers who came from around Europe to crowd into his dormitory room for his weekly seminars, and he began to shape a radically different philosophical approach from the one he'd described earlier in his Tractatus. He was determined to find a new way to solve all the problems of philosophy. And, to my way of thinking, along with those few who really understand him, he was successful. But he was often frustrated because, so few understood him. This was unfortunate, because what he was saying was incredibly simple and basic, and it was pretty similar to, if not identical to, the thinking of the Buddha 2500 years earlier. The Buddha apparently had the same problem—almost nobody could understand what he was trying to say when he was still alive. They couldn't “get it” when he was talking about the so-called “Great Death” of the “self,” or talking about the path to enlightenment. The Buddha's frustration resulted from the exact same problem Wittgenstein encountered 2500 years later. The Buddha was saying something that was extremely simple, obvious, and basic—and yet, it was rumored that of his more than 100,000 followers when he was alive, only three actually “got it” and experienced enlightenment. When I read Philosophical Investigations my senior year in college, it was rumored that only seven people in the world understood what Wittgenstein was trying to say. Wittgenstein's dream was that philosophy students would “get” his thinking and give up philosophy when they realized that most if not all philosophical problems are sheer nonsense. He wanted them to do something practical and real in the world instead of studying philosophy. He was verry disappointed when his favorite student, Norman Malcolm (one of the seven who “got it,”) pursued an illustrious career teaching philosophy in America at Cornell University. I always wished I could have known Wittgenstein when he was alive, so I could have told him this: I loved you, too, and I got it after several months of confusion, trying to understand your Philosophical Investigations, but eventually understood it with the help of your student, Norman Malcolm. His book about you was very inspiring. And that's why I left philosophy for something more practical in the world. I decided at the last minute to go to medical school to become a psychiatrist instead of philosophy graduate school. Hopefully, I am doing something that you might be proud of! But oddly enough, your thinking has also influenced my approach to people who feel depressed and worthless. They are also under a kind of destructive “enchantment,” thinking that there is some such “thing” as a more or less worthwhile human being! And this is a major cause of depression and anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. I wonder if you, Wittgenstein, ever felt that you weren't “good enough” when you were feeling down. hopeless and suicidal? I sure wish I could have helped you with that! If you want to understand Wittgenstein's work, the best book in my opinion is Norman Malcolm's moving and affectionate tribute to his beloved teacher, entitled “Ludwig Wittgenstein: A Memoir.” It's a short moving tribute to his beloved teacher, and tears go down my cheeks every time I read it, or even think about it. If you ever visit my office here at home, you'll find that memoir proudly sitting on my bookshelf, with a handsome photo of Wittgenstein on the cover. Toward the end of his life, Wittgenstein appears to have become more or less homeless, and he died from prostate cancer. His doctor said he could live in his home, where he was befriended by the doctor's wife in his final days. His dying words were, “Tell them that I had a wonderful life.” He died on April 29, 1951, just a few hours before my wife was born in Palo Alto, California. Surprisingly, she is the only person I've ever met who understood Wittgenstein's thinking entirely the first time I explained it to her. She “already knew” what Wittgenstein, the greatest philosophical genius of the 20th century, spent a lifetime figuring out! Reincarnation is pretty “out there,” and fairly silly, to my way of thinking, but sometimes it can be fun to think about it! Here is my understanding of how the thinking of the “later Wittgenstein” actually developed. His first book, which is nearly impossible to understand, was called the Tractatus Logico Philosophicus. It is a series of numbered propositions, which he compared to climbing up a ladder, rung by rung, as you read the book until you got to the roof at the top of the ladder. Then you could throw your ladder away and give up philosophical thinking, since he thought his book contained the solution to all the problems of philosophy that had tormented him since childhood, as mentioned previously. The philosophy of language in the Tractatus is based on the thinking of Aristotle and Plato, who thought that the function of language was to name things that exist in the real world. Plato's idea was that our real world consists of imperfect examples of a “Platonic Reality” which consisted of “perfect” representations of everything. So, for example, Plato believed there could be a perfect “table,” a perfect “lamp,” and so forth. In other words, he thought there was an ideal essence to the concept of a “table.” And, I suppose, there might also be a “perfect” version of you! The early Wittgenstein also thought that the logic inherent in our sentences reflected the logic inherent in an external reality. If that doesn't make much sense to you, join the club! But that's kind of what Plato and Aristotle were promoting, at least in my (David's) understanding. When Wittgenstein's Tractatus was debunked, he was devastated, and desperately wanted to find another way to solve the problems of philosophy, since they started tormenting him again. It was much like a relapse of OCD or some other emotional problem. In fact, he thought of philosophy as a kind of mental illness that needed treatment. Here's an example of the types of philosophical problems that tormented him. Do human beings have free will? Do we have a “self?” Is the universal “real?” Of course, we THINK we have free will, and it SEEMS like we make “free decisions” all day long, but is this just an illusion? For example, some people would argue that we cannot have “free will” because we “have to” follow the laws of science that govern everything, including how the brain works. So, since we “have to” do what we are doing at every moment of every day, we must not have free will! Here is an argument that we do NOT have “free will.” When a powerful storm or hurricane destroys a portion of a city, and people die, we see this as a tragedy, but we don't get angry at the hurricane because it does have “free will.” It is just obeying the laws of physics that govern the forces of wind, air pressure, heat and cooling, and so forth. A storm cannot behave in any other way. So, the argument goes, we are also following the laws that govern the functioning of our bodies and brains, and so we cannot do other than what we do, so we, too, have no “free will.” We THINK we are acting freely but it is an illusion, so our brains are obeying the laws of the universe at every moment! For hundreds of years philosophers have struggled with this puzzle, and many people still wrestle with this problem today. It was one of the problems that drew me to philosophy. Impractical for sure, but still tantalizing. Another way to express the free will puzzle is via religious thinking. I was taught when I was growing up that God is omnipotent (all powerful), omnipresent (present everywhere) and omniscient (all knowing.) So, God knows the past, present, and future. And if God knows the future, then God knows what we will do at every moment of every day, and we are helpless to do otherwise. Therefore, we have no “free will,” even though we “think” we do! This free will problem can definitely be unsettling, with troubling moral consequences. If we do not “free will,” then are serial killers really responsible for, or guilty, or accountable for their actions? If we do not have free will, then wouldn't that give us license to do whatever we want whenever we want? Clever arguments for sure! We may “feel” like we have the freedom to do whatever we want at almost any moment of any day, but are we fooling ourselves and living in some gigantic hoax, or illusion? Are we total slaves with the delusion that we are actually acting “freely?” How do we resolve this problem? Well, one day Wittgenstein was walking past a soccer game at the park, and the soccer ball hit him on the head. He wasn't hurt, but had the thought, “What if the function of language is NOT to name things (like trees, or lamps, etc.) that exist in some “external reality,” like Plato and Aristotle thought? What if language actually functions as a series of “language games,” with rules, just like the game of soccer? Then the meaning of any words would simply be the many ways the word is used in different real world situations. In fact, that's what you find in the dictionary when you look up the meaning of a word. The dictionary doesn't ever give you some “correct” or ”pure” meaning, since most words have many meanings. This would be the opposite of the philosophy of Aristotle and Plato who argued that there were “true” meanings for every word, noun, or concept. What if, instead, words had NO true or essential meanings, and their meanings were simply embedded in the context in which they are used in ordinary, everyday language? If so, this might mean that philosophical problems emerge when we try to pull words out of their ordinary meanings, which are always obvious, and put them into some metaphysical realm where philosophers argue about “ultimate truth.” Let's say we wanted to find out if humans have “free will.” Well, not being sure if there is such a “thing” as “free will,” we could look up “free” and “will” in the dictionary. (I know this sounds incredibly obvious and almost ridiculous.) What does “free” mean? Well, we could talk about the many ways we use “free.” Political freedom means that in some countries you cannot contradict the leader (the dictator) without the danger of being thrown in prison or even murdered. But in other countries, you are, In fact, free to express your own ideas and opinions, without fear of punishment. Free also means getting something without having to pay for it, like a seventh bottle of soda is free at the local grocery store if you purchase a six pack. Free can also mean “available.” I am starting up my Sunday hikes again, and I might say, “If you are free this Sunday morning, meet at my front door at 9 and we'll go for a hike and have a dim sum feast afterwards at a Chinese restaurant on Castro Street in Mountain View, California, Now notice that when you talk about “free will” you have taken this word, “free,” out of the familiar contexts in which we find it, and given it some type of metaphysical “meaning.” But in this metaphysical, philosophical arena, it has no meaning. So, instead of trying to “solve” the so-called “free will” problem, we can dismiss it as nonsensical, and ignore it as having no practical meaning, and move on with our lives. We can say, “I just don't understand that problem! I don't know what you're talking about when you ask the general question of whether we have something called ‘free will.'” That either works for you, or it doesn't work for you! Your choice. It does work for me, but it took me months of thinking until I suddenly “got it.” My way of describing this philosophical error is “nounism.” You think that nouns always refer to things that could “exist” or “not-exist,” just like Plato and Aristotle thought. So, you ponder and try to figure out if this notion of “free will” exists or does not exist. But it's arguably a meaningless question. That's why I say, and Wittgenstein might say, I have no idea what you're talking about. Today we'll discuss the free will problem and how it might relate to our field of psychotherapy. Next week, we'll deal with another thorny problem: Do we have a “self?” Or is that also just some kind of illusion? I (David) wrote these show notes before the show, and we have had fairly extensive email exchanges, with a variety of points of view on whether or not we have something we can call “free will.” First, I'll put a great email by Matt, followed by a comment by Fabrice. Here's Matt's email first: Subject: Re: question Yes, that's getting very close to what I'm trying to communicate. I don't believe you are 'slow' or 'super lame', either. In fact, quite the opposite. I suspect I'm failing to do an adequate job of disarming your claims that 'free will' and 'self' are words taken out-of-context and, therefore, can't be shown to exist or not-exist. I apologize, as I am pretty excited about the potential to help people, suffering with self-blame and other-blame, by realizing that we and others don't have a 'self' or 'free will'. I believe we have a brain that makes decisions and creates experiences, including the experience of having a 'self' and 'free will'. I believe that the experience of 'making' a decision is an illusion, as is the idea of a static, unchanging 'self' that controls decision-making. I asked you to pick a movie and you said, 'Green Mile'. You acknowledged that this movie title simply 'popped into my head'. That's correct. Your 'self' didn't control what you selected, using 'free will'. Your brain just came up with that movie title. There was no 'self' that made a decision to choose that word. I agree that we have a brain which is incredibly powerful. I'm claiming that we don't have an auxiliary 'self', with extra super powers, controlling our brain. We can make decisions, but we don't have 'free will', meaning, the ability to control those decisions. I do think you have some resistance to seeing through the illusions of 'self' and 'free will', all of which say awesome things about you, e.g. morality and justice. I'm not trying to convince you, one way or another, and I don't expect to. I'm more interested in the listening audience, as many people are significantly relieved when they realize that we are more the victims of our biology and circumstance rather than defective 'selves' lacking 'willpower'. To put a slightly finer point on the subject, when people say they have 'free will', they don't mean that 'decisions are made'. Obviously, decisions are made. You decided to keep reading this email, for example. Or you didn't. I'm not sure. Either way, a decision was made. When people say they have 'free will', they are saying that they (really, their 'self') are/is free to decide whether to continue reading this email, and that this power goes above and beyond what their brain is doing, according to the laws of physics. I am claiming that this is a ridiculous and dangerous thought, for which there is no evidence. You're saying these terms haven't been defined. I'm pointing out that they already have been, intuitively, by anyone who thinks, 'I shouldn't have done that', or 'they shouldn't have done that'. These thoughts require a belief that they 'could have' done something different, that they had free will. Aside from rage and guilt, let's examine the narcissism and excessive sense of confidence a patient might have, if they believe that they can simply 'decide', through sheer 'willpower', not to beat up on themselves anymore. Or a patient who believes they can simply 'decide' to always use the 5-Secrets, rather than criticize and blame. Can they? I've never seen that happen. That's why I assign homework. I know that the goal is to rewire the brain so they can feel and perform better, later. We can't simply decide to feel good all the time. We all drift in-and-out of enlightenment. If we want to increase the likelihood that we will be able to set aside self-criticism or communicate more effectively, we have to practice new thoughts and behaviors. If we do, we will develop greater skills at defeating negative thoughts and communicating effectively. Otherwise, our brains will do, in the future, what they are programmed to do, now. It's because we lack 'free will', that we must do homework. Similarly, you couldn't simply 'decide' to be the world's best ping-pong player. You realized you would have to work hard to re-wire your brain, if you wanted to have a chance at that. Let's use the murderer/cat example: A cat tortures and kills mice for the same reasons that a murderer does: their brains are programmed to do so. Murderers don't have a defective 'self' that is failing to express 'free will' adequately, when they murder. They're doing precisely what the atomic structure of their brain caused them to do, according to the laws of physics, in that moment, when presented with those precise stimuli. We don't have to judge or punish the cat or the murderer's 'self' and insist they should have used their 'free will'. We can accept that neither creature had the ability to decide differently from what their brain decided, in that moment. That is where the therapeutic element of this realization comes into play. I think it's important on a lot of levels, to stop blaming cats for being cats and murderers for being murderers. Similarly, if a patient doesn't want to do homework, will it do any good to blame them and think they're bad and should decide differently? No, it helps to accept them where they are, and to accept ourselves where we are, with open hands. Realizing nobody has a 'self' operating their brain and making decisions that are better than their brains' decisions doesn't mean we have to let all the murderers go or trust our cat with a new mouse companion. We can still be aware that their brains are programmed to murder. We would still be motivated to do whatever is necessary to protect society and mice. The difference is the attitude towards the murderer. We aren't trying to 'punish' or 'get vengeance' but to protect and, instead of 'labeling' them as having a 'bad self' or even being a 'murderer', but someone who has murdered and, left to their own devices, likely to do so again.  Instead of judging and demanding vengeance, we would see a murderer as the victim of their biology and environment. Instead of condemning them as permanently evil and bad, we could recognize that their brain is currently wired to do bad things and they might still learn new ways to interact with others. Perhaps they're not hopeless cases, after all. From the other side, if I ever committed murder, and sentenced to death, I wouldn't want to be feeling defective, thinking what a bad self I have and guilty/ashamed for not flexing my 'free will' in the heat of the moment. Instead, I might feel a sense of relief, purpose and meaning, that I was protecting others by being put to death. Alright, enough out of me! Thanks, Matt And now, the response from Fabrice: Matt's thinking is exactly in line with mine. I don't know if the topic came up in your discussion, but some people argue that actually someone could have done something differently than they did, because there is some randomness in Nature. But that argument doesn't hold water because even if the decision “made” by their brain is different, it has nothing to do with their will but only with the Heisenberg principle. Cheers! Fabrice Nye fabrice@life.net David's wrap up comment. Matt and Fabrice have quite a different view of “free will” and the “self.” They are arguing, very thoughtfully and persuasive, that we do not “have” a “self” or “free will.” People have been involved in this debate, as I've mentioned, for hundreds of years, taking one side or another. My own thinking is different, and reflects my understanding of Wittgenstein's thinking. They have take these words out of the contexts in which they exist in everyday language, (which is a huge temptation) and involved in a debate about abstract concepts which have no meaning. Very few people, it seems, were able to grasp this idea when Wittgenstein was alive, or even today. So, if what I'm saying makes no sense to you, be comforted, since it seems likely that 99% of the people reading this, or listening to the show, will agree with you! And that's still a puzzle to me. It is not clear to me why so many people still cannot “see” or “get” this idea that words do not have any pure or essential “meaning” outside of the context of everyday use of language. The best psychotherapy example I can use is the fact that nearly all depressed individuals are trying to figure out, on some abstract or philosophical level, whether they are “worthwhile” or “good enough,” or whatever. This seems to be a “real” problem, and so they believe that they are not sufficiently worthwhile. This belief can be so convincing that many people commit suicide, out of a sense of hopelessness and self-hatred. But there is not such thing as a human being who is more or less “worthwhile.” Of course, your actions can be more or less worthwhile at any moment, and we can evaluate or judge our specific behaviors. Yesterday, we had our first recording session in a video studio we have set up for our Feeling Great App. We had a lot of fun and recorded some (hopefully) interesting stories we'll publish on our two new YouTube channels. I really appreciated the colleagues who made this possible. It was a relief for me because I tend to have performance anxiety, which impairs my ability to speak naturally and with emotion. But this time, there was no anxiety at all, so it was fun. Did this make me or my colleagues more worthwhile human beings? No! But it did show that we'd become a bit more effective and communicating messages that will trigger healing and understanding in our fans, and hope that includes you! When you “see” this, perhaps for the first time, it can be incredibly liberating, since you no longer have the need to have a “self” that's “special” or worthwhile. And, as some of you know, my beloved teacher and cat, Obie, taught me that when you no longer need to be “special,” life becomes special. When your “self” dies, you inherit the world! There's no funeral, only a celebration! Feel free to contact us with your thoughts, ideas and questions! Thank you for listening today! Rhonda, Matt, Fabrice, and David

Ask David Unfairness Worthwhileness Erasing Depression with Lasers TEAM in the UK What's the Most Powerful Technique? We have lots of great questions today. The answers in the show notes were written prior to the podcast, and the answers in the live podcast as we discussed these questions may differ somewhat or amplify the written materials in these show notes. We love your questions. Remember to send them to David@feelinggood.com. Special Announcement Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. But there's some good news, too! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it out! Today's Questions Kiernan asks about “unfairness” and the connection between worthwhileness and achievement. Brittany asks: Can you “erase” feelings of sadness and depression by shining lasers in the patient's eyes? James asks about the use of TEAM methods in the NHS in the UK Brian asks: Is positive reframing the most successful technique you have used with your patients? 1. Kieran asks (slightly edited for clarity): How would you talk back to negative thoughts like this one: “It's not fair that I can't afford quality food when there are millionaires that will have access to better food and a healthier lifestyle which has an effect on overall health and longevity'”? Or what if you feel like it's unfair that you should have to pay a lot of money for an expensive dental treatment that you can't afford? Kieran also asks (slightly edited by david): What if worthwhileness is not based on achievement but there are still things you would like to have and enjoy? They would buy and own things that they happen to like and not to impress others. Hi David and Ronda, and if Matt is on I have been listening to your wonderful podcast for about the last 3 years as I drive to work. It has really opened my eyes about how your thoughts create your interpersonal reality. Loved the podcasts on jealousy addiction, perfectionism, achievement addiction and many more. My questions would be: What about if someone wants to achieve more but it isn't based on worthwhileness? They would buy and own things that they happen to like and not to impress others. Let's say they wanted to be able to afford a nice house, healthier higher quality food and water. As the quality does have an effect on health especially in the US as the regulations are not the greatest. However, the fact that they couldn't afford to buy these upsets them? Thoughts: 'It's not fair that I can't afford quality food but there are millionaires that will have access to better food, lifestyle which has an effect on overall health and longevity' Or if someone has to pay for unexpected expensive dental treatment. Thoughts: 'It's not fair that I have to pay £14,000 for this treatment'. 'It should be more affordable to lower income households, as it is essential to have functional teeth' I hope I have explained this well, I would love to hear your thoughts. Keep doing what you are doing and all the best. Kieran   David's response Sure Kieran, if you like I will make this an Ask David question for a podcast. LMK if that's okay, and if it is okay to use your first name. Great question, and has to do with the theme of acceptance: should I or shouldn't I? Here are the quick versions, but we can discuss in more detail on the live podcast. First, I do not find it useful to base my worthwhileness on my achievements or on my failures. I do work hard and like creating things that are helpful to people, and I enjoy earning money to support my family. I can be motivated to work hard to get things we want or need, but I don't base anyone's worthwhileness on how much money they have, or anything, to be honest. In fact, I could also easily accept wanting to buy something really cool, not just because I like it, but because it might impress others, or because they might find it fascinating, too! I don't try to regulate my life with a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts, and find that I am happier and more peaceful without lots of shoulds. In the Feeling Great App I have created a class called “Your PhD in Shoulds.” You might enjoy it! Second, you can say that it is unfair that some people have more money and resources than other people if you like. And you have every right to feel angry if that's what you want, as well. Acceptance is more of a decision than a technique. Take the fact that lions kill deer when they are hungry. You can say, “they should not do that. It's unfair!” But that won't stop a hungry lion. You don't have to LIKE seeing a lion kill an innocent deer, but you can accept it. Again, that's a choice. The behavior of a lion is dominated by millions of years of evolution. Humans are no different. One thing that sometimes helps is to make a list all the REALLY GOOD reasons NOT to accept the “unfairness” in the world. I'll bet you could come up with at least ten to fifteen strong reasons. Then you can ask yourself, “Given all those good reason NOT to accept the fact that some people have more and some people have fewer resources, maybe I should just stay good and angry! Why in the world would I want to change?” Also, when you find an injustice, you can use your energy being good and angry, and complain about it, or you can use your energy to do something about it. Or, you can also work to change yourself, instead of complaining about the world. I also have a new class on acceptance. It's called, “Accept this shit? Hell NO!” You might like it as well. I am babbling so will stop. Warmly, david   2. Brittany asks: Can you “erase” feelings of sadness and depression by shining lasers in the patient's eyes? Hi David, My husband's boss was telling him she's going to be doing some laser therapy to “cure” her depression. She had to undergo 9 hours of testing to see if she'd be a candidate. Apparently, they plan to shine lasers in her eyes to “erase” her sadness. Obviously, I assume this is a load of garbage. But have you ever heard of such a thing? Is this just hypnosis? Best, Brittany David's Reply Hi Brittany, Probably. As they say, follow the money! There is a placebo effect if you believe something will help, so tons of garbage gets served up as costly gourmet food. You can read up on this on the internet I suspect. Let me know what you learn! Best, david Brittany responds to David Love your answer! I was looking into it and read they use a cold laser in the eyes which allegedly releases endorphins. I already know from you that just like with exercise and that study about the endorphin blockers, it made no difference. People just feel better because they think they are doing something good for their body by exercising. They also allege that the lasers aid damaged neurological tissue. They claim it has helped many patients but there is no data backing it up that I see. They really lost me when I read that lack of activity, stress, and maternal deprivation cause depression in the first place. Thanks! Brittany David adds As it turns out, I know two laser experts who are regulars on my Sunday hikes. Dr. Alexander Makowski is a brilliant scientist who is involved in the research and development of lasers and their marketing. Here is his email, along with some terrific links to articles about the hype of “low light lasers.” Hope you enjoy the email and links from Alex: Hi David, I'll chime in too! From a different angle. Zak knows some great doctors who are doing real work, but the general field of low-level laser/ light therapy (LLLT) for medical issues has been fraught with charlatans for some years. (David note: Zak is a laser expert at the Stanford Medical School and is currently preparing a blog on the topic of LLLT. I will include a link to her blog when it is published, likely in a couple weeks. She is awesome and also often joins our Sunday hikes!) Dr, Alex Makowsy continues Good work by Tiina Kaaru (https://www.spiedigitallibrary.org/profile/Tiina.Karu-8010) and Juanita Anders (https://www.usuhs.edu/profile/juanita-anders-ms-phd) on mechanisms behind using light to stimulate our mitochondria or deactivate infectious bacteria are well documents However, the good work done by the few was overshadowed and worse, was perverted for many years into crackpot devices using bad stats and poorly designed studies. Or sometimes just straight preying on vulnerable people. It is the great shame of the laser industry. Worse yet, some of these devices were actual lasers that led to people getting hurt. I can't recommend in good conscience that lasers be shone into eyes at any time other than diagnostic devices meant to diagnose the eye itself. It may be that some day soon a good scientific body of evidence changes my stance but not yet... The story starts in the origin of my journey into light and lasers. I got involved in this field in 2005 while taking an elective class on optics and lasers when I got a call from my mom that she was seeking a laser therapy for her fibromyalgia. My mother's desire to get her fibromyalgia treated with a "cold laser" pulled me into this field since I was taking a class with a professor who later became my doctoral mentor. A full semester of my free time disappeared as I tried to source out of print articles and do a deep dive on whether this was real or garbage. A research term paper and a conference visit later I could finally see the same trends you saw with medication. I talked her out of the potentially dangerous unproven device usage. [As you may have suspected, In fact my mom was having significant issues in her marriage and life and a very good doctor set her straight. My mom divorced and is now happily remarried, about 95 pounds lighter, no fibromyalgia or serious insomnia. If only we had known you back then she would have recovered in a session or two rather than 3 years] However, in the process, I dug into some of the real research that small doses of light can affect our bodies in ways we don't understand fully due to lack of research. Fast forward several decades and some of the best researchers survived the public scandal of LLLT and found a scientific mechanism (cytochrome c oxidase activation) to explain observed changes in mitochondrial activity. However, the scientists don't claim to cure everything or anything. Then they published this mitochondrial activation and suddenly: This, of course, proves that blogablum does in fact exist and now the truth about the panacea is available for all!! David note: “blogablum” is a fake nonsense word I made up that refers to nothing meaningful. Now continuing with the Alex email: This is a good review of the history and current evidence about it : https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/medical-critical-thinking/hype-around-photobiomodulation But if you want the real goods, the hard truth about cold lasers has been out there for over 15 years: Introducing the New Low Level Laser Treatment! youtu.be The following search on YouTube will reveal the secrets of the universe: "cold laser before:2009" Warmly, Alexander J Makowski, Ph.D. Dr. Matt May's reply Hi David, Thank you for forwarding this question to me.  I am very concerned and wonder if this may fall under the category of 'malpractice'. For one, I am unaware of any FDA approved treatment for depression that involves shining lasers into people's eyes to erase their sad memories.  For a list of FDA approved treatments for depression, you could refer to: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559078/ It's possible that there is new evidence I'm not aware of, but I searched online for studies of light in treatment of depression and was unable to find any placebo-controlled trials.  This is a problem because placebo responses can be so high in the case of depression and anxiety.  There were some studies on light therapy, but nothing fitting the description of 'shining lasers into eyes to erase sad memories'. Other concerns I have relate to the high cost of such an extensive “evaluation”, as well as possible risk of shining lasers into someone's eyes.  In the absence of evidence supporting the treatment, it seems like a high cost, and potential risk, to the patient, hence my concern for malpractice. It's pretty common for people with depression to feel a sense of desperation, especially after many failed efforts to address their symptoms.  This group of individuals are likely to be extremely susceptible to scams and purveyors of 'snake oil' (sham treatments). It's also concerning to me because the theory behind the idea of shining light into people's eyes to erase sadness doesn't make logical sense to me.  It's a potentially-testable hypothesis, but it's such an absurd hypothesis that I don't see it as worth testing or entertaining. If we are defining depression as some combination of worthless, hopeless, ashamed and guilty feelings, then the hypothesis that such feelings could be meaningfully addressed by such a crude instrument as a laser or a pill or an electrical impulse is absurd. This is because our feelings arise from our thoughts/perceptions.  I've never met a single person or patient who was suffering from depression but had healthy positive thoughts about themselves.  I've also never met someone who had patterns of negative thinking, but felt fine, up-beat and positive. The idea that a pill, a laser, a magnetic pulsation or electrical current could selectively alter the specific thoughts that cause depression doesn't make sense with what we know about the brain and thoughts and feelings.  How could a pill, for example, which crosses the blood-brain barrier and impacts every neuron in the brain, selectively target only the neurons that give rise to depressed thinking?  It's like imagining that we could carpet-bomb a city but only kill the murderers and rapists. I'd encourage all potential clients who are receiving treatment for depression or other conditions to ask their providers for literature that documents the effectiveness of the treatment and to get a second opinion if they are unsure. These are my 2-cents on the topic and I could be completely wrong about it all.  Hoping to hear from others what they think. Also, David, I saw several other people included in the invitation to respond to this question but I didn't see them cc'd.  Perhaps they were bcc'd? Wishing you the best, fondly, Matt David's reply to Matt Thanks, yes, I have a fantastic response already in the show notes from Dr. Alex Makowski who does research and development of lasers with valid medical applications. His thrust is similar to yours. Our field is littered with junk “scientism” intended to fool and exploit people, similar to the snake oil salespeople who use to go from town to town in America selling magical “elixirs” that “cured” just about everything! But people are endlessly gullible, and con artists are still in endless abundance these days, it seems! Best, david Will add your kind and thoughtful comment to the show notes!   3. James asks about the use of TEAM methods in the NHS in the UK. Hi Rhonda, I hope you are well. I had a couple of questions for an 'ask David' on the podcast if that's okay. A bit of background.... I am Level 1 Team and have attended David's training in Atlanta. I live in the UK and have recently changed career to work in the NHS delivering CBT interventions for patients because David's work inspired me so much. The NHS uses specific interventions for particular diagnoses and because I am in training I have to try and stick to this. I do use the TEAM materials and approach when I can and have already seen some great results. The NHS uses 'Behavioural Activation' for certain patients with Depression and I just wondered what David thought about the effectiveness of this (perhaps compared to Cognitive Restructuring). I believe Beck introduced this into the CBT model as he thought it was useful. Another question was regarding treatment of GAD and whether dividing worries between hypothetical and practical, and then using a certain time to actually worry rather than letting the worries dominate throughout the day was something he thought was useful or had heard about. Thanks so much for all the great work you are all doing and inspiring people all over the world! Kind Regards James Bibby. David's response Hi James, Thanks for the great questions. In today's recording of an upcoming Ask David podcast, we can address: The history of “Behavioral Activation,” including the pros and cons of this approach. The history and pros and cons of “Worry Breaks.” The idea of matching a “technique” to a “diagnosis,” as opposed to learning to treat the whole patient with TEAM. The results of our latest research with the Feeling Great App, and whether it might have some value for patients struggling with depression and anxiety disorders in the UK. Best, David Matt's Thots: Great question! I'm looking forward to discussing. There are certainly some techniques that are more effective, than others, for addressing specific negative thoughts. Meanwhile there are a number of problems that come up when we are, as clinicians, throwing solutions at diagnoses, rather than treating the human being who is suffering. Studies on the treatment of PTSD at the VA, for example, showed veterans often got worse after this approach, in which their diagnosis was matched with a method, ‘prolonged exposure', without any agenda-setting. This just retraumatized lots of veteran! Similarly, if someone is secretly blaming, and haven't experienced the ‘death of the blaming self', they might be assigned ‘communication skills training', only to see this backfire, because their intent is still to try to change someone, rather than accept them. You might tell a patient with depression that they should go exercise, only to cause them to resist you, ‘you don't understand, I can't even get out of bed!'. In short, most therapy fails or even makes patients worse because it doesn't consider the good reasons to continue to blame, give up, criticize ourselves, etc. 4. Brian asks: Is positive reframing the most successful technique you have used with your patients? I can see how it would cure someone in 2 hours! Feel free to use my question and do and use my name if you wish. I'd be honored. Best, Brian David's reply Hi Brian, Thanks. Great question! It's one of the latest powerful techniques, but Ext of Voices might still be the “champion.” Using them in the T, E, A, M sequence is especially powerful. Positive Reframing often gets them closer, but not quite all the way to enlightenment. Externalization of voices (EOV) often gets them over the finish line, especially if you know how to use it skillfully, incorporating Self-Defense with the Acceptance Paradox and Counter-Attack Technique! In fact, you can incorporate many of my > 100 techniques when using EOV, such as Be Specific, Semantic Technique, Examine the Evidence, and a host of other. Best, david Matt's comments I agree, Positive Reframing and Externalization of Voices are incredibly powerful and it's often what we're doing when we see recoveries. What works for a given individual, however, is quite hard to predict, in advance and there's a ‘process' to therapy, such that we can't really skip steps, except in some unusual circumstances. Some other super-powerful methods include Externalization of Resistance, Double Standard, Flooding, Feared Fantasy, and the Hidden Emotion Technique. I'm probably forgetting some. Thanks for listening today! Matt, Rhonda and David

Ask David Bipolar, the Dark Side, Changing Behavior We have lots of great questions today. The answers in the show notes were written prior to the podcast, and the answers in the live podcast as we discussed these questions may differ somewhat or amplify the written materials in these show notes. We love your questions. Remember to send them to David@feelinggood.com. Announcement: Our awesome summer intensive is returning after a long, five years due to the pandemic. It is typically the most outstanding and rewarding TEAM-CBT training of the year, and it will take place again and the wonderful South San Francisco Conference Center from August 8 – 11, 2025. You can attend in person if you register soon, since in-person seating will be strictly limited and only a small number are still available. You can also attend the online, live-streamed version of this program at a substantial discount. The online experience and small group exercises will be similar for the in-person and online participants. Check out the details, including early-bird discounts, at www.cbtintensive.com www.cbtintensive.com Hope to see you there! Warmly, david Today's Questions Alison asks: I have bipolar Disorder and I have had trouble challenging my negative thoughts. I'm suffering. What can I do NAME WITHHELD asks: Can or should a person really and truly accept their dark side? Trainor asks: In TEAM there is a strong emphasis on changing the way you think. But is it sometimes also important to change your behavior, or to make real changes in your life, or to help others who need help changing their circumstances==for example, people who are struggling in poverty.   1. Alison asks: I have bipolar Disorder and I have had trouble challenging my negative thoughts. I'm suffering. What can I do? Hi David, Many years ago I used your book to beat depressive thinking… in the last three years I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and have found my depressive thinking too difficult to budge with your book. I'm really suffering; any ideas about what I could do? Thank you for your service to humanity. I always recommend your book. David's response Hi Alison, A therapist could help. The new Feeling Great App could help. And tons of free resources at www.feelinggood.com. In addition, can you please give me an example of the negative thoughts you can't budge. Then we can point things out in the podcast and try to figure out why you're getting stuck! I have found that doing cognitive therapy / TEAM-CBT with individuals with Bipolar Disorder is exceptionally helpful during the depressed (not manic) phase, and works pretty much the same way as with anyone who's feeling down. Best, david   2. NAME WITHHELD asks: Can or should a person really and truly accept their dark side? Hello David, My name is NAME WITHHELD and I am doing my PhD degree in Neuroimmunology in LOCATION WITHHELD. I had come across your book feeling good and your podcasts by one of my therapists - they have had an immense impact on my way of thinking. I really love disarming and using “I feel” statements to connect! I had also realized that by finding some genuine truth in a person's belief even if it sounds ridiculous, I would automatically develop certain level of respect for that person! I really love that! I feel really happy that I can respect a person even without accepting his/her beliefs!! I am now working on my distortions. I really love working on my mind that way. Anyway, I have wanted to ask you if a person CAN accept his/her dark side? I seemed to have loathed myself for quite a long time and couldn't stand living alone without a partner or a person around. I hated myself for disrespecting my mother whilst growing up. But, sometime during Dec last year, I had had an epiphany of why things happened the way they did and somehow, I learnt that the reason why I had disrespected my mother was because my father, after their separation, kept filling my mind about how wrong my mother was for breaking up the family and I believed him because I had a good rapport with him, than I had with my mother. Also, my mother was very awkward in building a relationship with me and I had misconstrued that with her indifference towards me. After that, I stopped hurting myself over it because I had learnt to empathize with myself then. I sobbed profusely that day. Is it really possible to truly accept yourself? I feel at ease a lot more these days than I used to before. But I also have to battle my distortions too on a regular basis! Please help me out here! Thank you so much for everything that you have done!! I really love your work!! Regards, NAME WITHHELD David's reply Thanks so much. I hid your name and location, and hope that's okay, and we WILL include your excellent question on our upcoming podcast. My brief reply is that all human beings have a “dark side,” and that we are far better off accepting it, as opposed to denying it and seeing ourselves as “totally good,” because then we might see others as “totally bad,” and feel morally superior. This dynamic is the cause of wars and a great deal pf hatred and suffering.   3. Trainor asks: In TEAM there is a strong emphasis on changing the way you think. But is it sometimes also important to change your behavior, or to make real changes in your life, or to help others who need help changing their circumstances--for example, people who are struggling in poverty. Hey David! I have asked several questions over the years (I asked about A.I. which I much enjoyed the episode on that!), so feel free to ignore this email if you feel I've overburdened you guys. Anyway, I had a question about changing thoughts versus circumstances. You often say that our thoughts create all of our emotional and interpersonal realities. I thought maybe a better or more nuanced definition would be to also mention that events CAN change our feelings but they do so through changing our thoughts. I have heard Matt May mention this idea in some circumstances as the "low road to recovery." Where you actually get the thing you think you need and as a result feel better. However, I thought about certain situations where changing the circumstance could also be a valid solution to an individual's problems. Take someone living in poverty, I am certain that CBT could help this person change their emotions around the experience of living in poverty. But would bringing the individual out of poverty be considered a "low road to recovery"? Or could we say that bringing someone out of poverty is also a valid way of changing their emotional distress? Like sort of how therapists use both exposure and cognitive techniques to quell phobias or certain anxieties. I personally like this definition because it includes the ability to change your circumstances as a method to change your thinking, without it being the only method. It also makes sense in a world where people want to make changes in society (giving women the right to vote, ending child labor) and create environments that foster positive thinking. I think so much focus on the cognition (while fundamentally true) makes it feel like people should focus exclusively on changing the way they think about a situation. When, in reality, it seems like we can both change our circumstances and thinking simultaneously to make our lives better. Anyway, just wanted to know what you thought about this idea. Thanks for everything you do, Trainor Peters P.S. I have nearly completed my first year of my psychology undergrad to become a counselor. In great part to you and all the wonderful people on your podcast. So, thank you! David's reply. Thanks, Trainor, I will add this excellent question to our Ask David list, if that's okay, and discuss with Matt and Rhonda on a podcast. My hospital in Philadelphia was located in an inner-city neighborhood, and many (perhaps most) of our patients have very limited resources. Some were homeless, and many had not completed the 5th grade. This gave me abundant opportunities to work with people with “real” problems in addition to their distorted perceptions. In addition, I have always emphasized that sometimes you need to change the way you behave in the “real” world in addition to changing the way you think about it. We'll give these topics a deeper dive on the live podcast discussion. And, best of luck in your ongoing training! Once you are in a graduate program, you will be eligible, if interested, to join one of our two free weekly TEAM-CBT training groups, which are both virtual. Warmly, david Thanks for listening today! Rhonda and David Special Announcement Attend the legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 long years. It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast! Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. But there's some good news, too! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it out!

#400! Yippee! Today, Rhonda has prepared a special celebration for our 400th podcast, and still going strong! She has invited a number of our favorite people and podcast guests to celebrate with us, starting with our beloved friend and frequent Ask David contributor, Matt May, MD, who officially joined us in early 2000. Matt's presence on the show had meant a great deal, personally and professionally, because I supervised Matt when he was a Stanford psychiatric resident, and had been missing our weekly chats! Our reunion via the Feeling Good Podcast has been special for that reason, but also because of Matt's kindly but scholarly answers to the many questions all of you submit. Keep them coming, and send them directly to Rhonda or David. We love reading and answering them! Next, we were joined by two more extraordinary psychiatrists and human beings, Drs. Heather Clague and Brandon Vance, who song their rendition (with guitar accompaniment) of “Help Dr. Burns!” (Based on Beetles' Help, I need somebody!” With their kind permission, here are the brilliant lyrics! Help! I need a podcast! Help! Not just any podcast! Help! Pushing the Magic Button for .... Help! When I was younger, 8 years younger than today I thought I could help everybody; help them in every way. I got so grandiose; I was so self-assured. I'd push my brilliant techniques, but my patients were never cured. So, Help me not to Help oh Dr. Burns Will they like me if they have to do the work? If I set an ultimatum, am I a jerk?! Won't you please, please stop me?! So many times, I tried to help, but then got stuck I didn't know but my patients were also thinking what the #?@! Your podcast said to test at the start and after every session. And then my eyes they opened wide Boy, was that a lesson! Oh Help me not to help, oh Dr. Burns! Help me unlearn the bad habits I have learned I'll do homework when my urge to help returns Won't you please, please help me?! Now I explore my patients' reasons not to change. I learned to sit with open hands if they choose to stay the same. Only when they fight for change and want to do the work, That's when I offer tools, and know the changes will endure. You've helped me not to help, oh Dr. Burns ‘Til my patients show me that they really yearn To do the work and ask me really firmly Won't you please, please help me? Your podcasts helped ME! Oooooooh! Much warmth to each of you! Heather and Brendan Our next guest was the brilliant and beloved Dr. Jill Levitt who joined my weekly Stanford training group when she and her husband, Brian, and two boys moved to the Bay Area from New York in 2007. Jill has moved up in the ranks and now co-leads the Tuesday group with me, and also joins me as co-therapists in a great many live sessions we have published as two consecutive podcasts. The idea is to document exactly how TEAM-CBT works, and how we can nearly always get such blow-away results in a single, extended session. That was my dream as a young man, since the methods I was taught as a psychiatric resident almost never got rapid results, or even any noticeable changes in my patients. Now that dream has become a reality, and a great many people in our TEAM-CBT community have contributed to that evolution. Next we were joined by our beloved Dr. Amy Huberman. Her riveting personal work on perfectionism was published recently on two consecutive Feeling Good Podcasts. Amy was glowing and filled with joy, which gave us great feelings of joy as well! And then we were graced by a visit from Mina, who has starred in many Feeling Good Podcasts on a number of personal issues. I will be seeing Mina and her beloved husband in a few minutes for our Sunday morning hike and dim sum feast afterwards. It is always a highlight of my week! Next was another Amy Berner who reported on her recent and wildly successful Intimate Connections Book Club with yet another psychiatrist, Dr. Leigh Harrington. Amy did some personal work with me on dating and sex appeal three years ago, when we discussed the Queen Bee phenomenon. Apparently, it was successful, because she brought her fantastic husband, Randy Kolin, as proof of the effectiveness of the many dating strategies and tips in that book. Randy is also a mental health professional who works with stressed-out scientists working on nuclear fusion at the Lawrence Livermore Laboratories. We wish him all the best since the work of those scientists is well on the road to creating commercially viable nuclear fusion, which will transform life as we know it on the surface of the earth by supplying unlimited, clean, low-cost energy. Their visit was followed by Zane Pierce, whom I hadn't had the chance to chat with much for a number of years. He led a recent “delight” and “gratitude” hike that we published on podcast # 361entitled “Finding Joy in Everyday Life,” with Dr. Angela Krumm from the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. We have done previous podcasts with Zane, and his lovely wife, Daisy, including one of our most popular podcasts ever on “What's the Secret of a Meaningful Life,” Episode 079. And then came the magnificent colleague and friend, Indrani Mookerjee.  Indrani joined our community after attending the 2019 intensive, and recently did one of the most explosive and jaw-dropping podcasts, Episodes 359 & 360, “You Wowed Me, A Mother-Daughter Conflict,” featuring her personal work on her relationship with her daughter. Indrani had struggled, unsuccessfully, to get close to her daughter, whom she loved greatly. She made a mind-blowing discovery of why during her personal work, and instantly achieved what I call “interpersonal enlightenment.) She now provides the joyous follow up on how her relationship with her daughter has blossomed and evolved since that momentous moment. Next, we were joined by Mike Christensen, who is our top TEAM therapist in Canada. Mike became familiar with my work when he read Feeling Good in 2006 and then heard a keynote speech I gave at a conference in 2009. Since that time, he attended many of my two-day workshops in Canada, and now is a leading TEAM-CBT therapist and teacher. He's been a featured guest on seven Feeling Good Podcasts or episodes of Facebook Live, when I was doing televised work on Facebook every Sunday afternoon. Mike describes himself as “joyously average,” a idea that really resonates with me. It is a form of “invisible enlightenment” which nearly everyone fears, but you cannot understand the incredible liberation of this “Great Death” of the “self” until you've experienced. We recollected a Feared Fantasy exercise we once did together while hiking one evening following a workshop in Canada. We also got updated on his beautiful and brilliant daughter, Katlin, who is now studying psychology in college and hopefully heading for her own career doing TEAM-CBT. And finally, one my most favorite people in the, our brilliant, wonderful, and funny Sara Shane, whose life-changing enlightenment has been a fantastic source of joy and inspiration to me and to many. Sara came from humble roots, as a Mexican immigrant picking fruit with her parents for survival in the US, and is now living in the Central Valley and attending not one, but two weekly TEAM-CBT training groups. She specializes in brief intensive treatments for the patients she treats. You may recall her from podcast #162, High Speed Cure for OCD, where she described her single-session treatment for 20 years of OCD / contamination phobia. She also did a lot of personal work to achieve liberation from her fairly severe social phobia and feelings of inferiority that were embedded from early childhood. We love you and so much appreciate you, Sara! That's about it for today, but than you all for listening. Next week, we will likely have two consecutive Ask David podcasts with Dr. Matt May, followed by two consecutive podcasts called “Raw Emotion: Personal work with Chris,” featuring the work that Jill and I did with a young man with social fears and an almost unbelievably traumatic childhood, growing up in Palo Alto. The sound quality is not always top-notch, sadly, but the unbelievable quality and impact of this session easily makes up for that, so we have decided to publish it anyway, and hope you find it as amazing as we did. David, Rhonda, and the whole gang! Special Announcement Attend the legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 long years. It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast! Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Hey, another special announcement! The long-awaited Feeling Great App is finally available in the Apple and Google stores. Check it out! You can try it for free!      

Since we've known May for most of our lives and consider him a great friend, we decided it would be fun to hear a different perspective on the Downtown Baseball Stadium initiative, plus we knew none of us would get all butt hurt by hearing a different perspective when it comes from someone as cool as May. Hear all about the parking nightmares coming soon to a downtown near you (or Sacramento if the vote is no).

Why Do We Resist Accepting Ourselves Other People, and the World? The Five Most Common Reasons! Rhonda and David are joined in today's podcast by Dr. Matt May, a super popular and loved guest on our show, to discuss the resistance findings in David's recent survey on acceptance and resistance. The following is a summary of some of the statistical findings, but the actual podcast dialogue was wide ranging and tremendously engaging, and won't require a lot of statistical smarts! We also discussed the vitally important difference between healthy and unhealthy acceptance. Healthy acceptance is accompanied by feelings of joy, lightness, and liberation. Unhealth acceptance is accompanied by feelings of unhappiness and despair. Unhealthy acceptance is characterized by Should Statements and self-punishment for your failures and shortcomings. Healthy acceptance is an expression of self-love. The group brought the five most common reasons to life with engaging stories. Why should you accept yourself? We are not saying that you "should," and it's really a decision. However, the statistical models the I (David) developed indicated that healthy acceptance can trigger a 49% reduction in negative feelings and a 39% boost in positive feelings, which is tremendous. Matt told an inspiring story about two strategy for training the dolphins at SeaWorld. One strategy involved trying to shape the behavior of the dolphins with little shocks, in much the same way that some people train horses. Sadly, the dolphins went to the bottom of the pool and appeared depressed, not moving much. It was a complete failure. Then they tried a radically different strategy--they gave a new group of dolphins fish to reward them for doing the things the trainers wanted them to do. This strategy was tremendously successful. So, the question is whether you want to shape your own life with frequent shoulds and self-criticisms, which can have the effect of electric shocks every time you fail or screw up or fall short of your goals, or whether you want to shape your life with love and rewards. Some of us have discovered that acceptance is way more fun and vastly more effective! Quick Bottom Line The typical survey respondent endorsed 1/3 of the 12 Resistance Scale items, and seemed to believed that Acceptance would be foolish and lead to a life of misery and mediocrity. The actual causal impact of the Non-Acceptance and Resistance scales on positive and negative feelings was massive and appeared to be in the exact opposite direction. Findings The respondents in the Resistance survey endorsed an average of 33.8%. (+/- 0.1%) of the items, ranging from 0 to all 12. The most commonly endorsed was, “Acceptance is easy for rich and famous, but hard if you're struggling just to pay the bills.” 47% (+/- 2%) endorsed this item. The least endorsed was, “If I beat up on myself, people will love me more,” although 25% (+/- 1%) of the people endorsed this item, so it was fairly popular. The high scores on the resistance scale items is also pretty consistent with my experiences over the years—the people in the study, and the people I've worked with, have expressed MANY reasons to beat up on themselves. You can see the list of the 12 Resistance Scale items below. I have bolded the five most often endorsed. As you can see, many people surveyed believed that acceptance is fine for people who are rich and famous, but terribly painful and foolish for people who struggle with real problems. Many respondents were convinced that acceptance leads to pain, robs you of motivation and does not make sense in a the world that's falling apart. If I accept my flaws and shortcomings, I'll end up with a second-rate life. If I accept my flaws and shortcomings, I'll lose all my motivation to learn If I beat up on myself and work my ass off, people will love and admire me. It would be tremendously painful to accept my flaws and shortcomings. That would be like giving up and having to live with a heavy load of inadequacies. Life has many real disappointments and losses. I don't want to feel happy and chipper by “accepting” all those negatives when the world is falling apart all around me. That just doesn't make sense! I haven't achieved many of my goals in life. I think it would be kind of pathetic to suddenly accept myself and feel enormous joy that I haven't really earned or deserved. I've often fallen short, and I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Are you saying that I should be happy about that? Hell NO! I am never going to accept myself as just another average or below-average person. That would be awful! If I accept my flaws, failures, and shortcomings, I'll just be like everyone else. I won't be special, and I won't have the chance to become special. If I admit that I often fail and screw up, people will think less of me. If I've done things that have hurt others or if I've violated my moral values, then I deserve to suffer. Acceptance is fine and easy for people who've enjoyed tremendous success, but it's really hard if you're struggling to pay the bills, or if you feel like you haven't succeeded at much. What did the analyses show about the impact of resistance and non-acceptance on how we feel? The Resistance scale had powerful direct causal effects on the Non-Acceptance scale and accounted for a whopping 46% of the variance is the Non-Acceptance scale. In other words, the more intense your resistance, the more you will fight against accepting your flaws. The causal effects of the Acceptance and Resistance scales on negative and positive feelings were massive. They can reduce positive feelings by as much as -48% and increase negative feelings by as much as +47%. Or, to put it differently, the statistical models predict that healthy self-acceptance will not lead to misery and isolation, but can dramatically reduce unhappiness and boost feelings of joy and self-esteem. The total effects of Singleness and Income on positive and negative feelings were relatively small, by comparison. In addition, about half of the causal effects of Singleness and Income are indirect and mediated by their causal effects on the Resistance and Non-Acceptance scales. The direct effects of Singleness on the positive and negative feelings scales were -4% (positive feelings) and +6% (negative feelings). The maximum direct effects of income on negative feelings were +4% (positive feelings) and -9% on negative feelings). To experience this boost if you're in the lowest income bracket (

Accept this Sh__? Hell No! Rhonda and David  are joined in today's podcast by two dear friends, Dr. Matt May, a popular regular on our show, and Matt Pierce, a co-founder of the soon-to-be-released Feeling Great App Brief bio sketch of Matt Pierce goes here, should you wish to include it in the show notes. Matt,. A pic would also be great, but not required. People get tired of the same pics each week, so a fresh face to illustrate this episode would be cool! You've probably heard about acceptance. It's a popular buzzword in the mental health space these days. In fact, some experts claim that it's THE key to happiness and enlightenment. It's NOT, but it can be incredibly helpful. I wanted to learn more about Acceptance and put some numbers on it's effectiveness, or lack of effectiveness, so I recently sent an invitation to the 45,000 people on my mailing lists to complete a new survey on acceptance and resistance. More than 1,000 quickly responded, which was great. I hoped the data could provide some answers questions like these: What is acceptance? How interested are we in accepting themselves, other people, and the world? Many people, and perhaps most of us, strenuously resist acceptance. Why? What are the things that we have the most trouble accepting about ourselves and others? Is all the hype about acceptance justified? Does it actually have meaningful effects on how we feel? Can money buy happiness? And if so, how much, exactly, does it cost? Why are single people more depressed and unhappy than people with partners? And if so, is it because of the lack of a loving partner? Or was there some other reason? Thanks for listening, David, Rhonda and Matt

Matt May walks us through an interaction between Jesus and a group of Pharisees to show us how God reveals his heart of mercy. For more information, please visit us at mercyhouse365.org

Ask David The fear of ghosts; the truth about nutritional supplements; the fear of fear; how does anxiety treatment work? And more.  Today, David and Rhonda answer six cool questions submitted by podcast listeners like you! Joseph asks: How would you use exposure to confront your fear of ghosts? Salim asks: What herbs and supplements will help me become more zen and relaxed? Peter asks: How do you stop fearing the fear and discomfort of anxiety? Jillian asks: How does cognitive therapy work to help reduce anxiety? Sanjay asks: How do you give up wants, needs, and desires? Dana asks for help with the Disarming Technique. In the following, David's reply was David's email response to the person prior to the podcast, just suggesting some directions we might take on the podcast. The Rhonda comments were based on notes she took during the live podcast. For the full answers, make sure you listen to the podcast! Joseph asks: How would you use exposure to confront your fear of ghosts? Hi David and Rhonda, Thank you again for your wonderful replies and the amazing podcast. If you would humor me, I have another question -- I know David talked about exposure therapy in overcoming fears, but I wonder how this could apply to some fears like the fear of ghosts where it is caused by an over-active imagination (in which case, what should one be exposed to?) Regards Joseph  David's reply Cognitive flooding would be one approach. Will give details on podcast. Thanks! David  Rhonda's notes Find out what is happening in the person's life, and treat that specific problem. Maybe someone developed a fear of ghosts after the death of a loved one, so the idea of being around death or dead things may also cause intense anxiety. Going to a cemetery may be part of their exposure. Other examples of exposure for overcoming the fear of ghosts could be: Approaching a scary, abandoned house Watching a scary movie about ghosts Fear of darkness may accompany fear of ghosts so staying in the dark may be part of your exposure. Fear of sleeping alone may also accompany fear of ghosts so sleeping alone in your home may be part of your exposure. Salim asks: What herbs and supplements will help me become more zen and relaxed? Hello Mr. David D Burns, I want to tell you that i loved "Feeling Good", your book helped me a lot in improving my life, I have a question, can you recommend herbs or supplements that help me be more Zen and more relaxed? I would be eternally grateful.

369 The Invisible Racism We All Deny, Featuring Drs. Manuel Sierra and Matthew May Today we're joined by Drs. Manuel Sierra and Matthew May on the sensitive topic of racism. Manuel Sierra MD is a child and adolescent psychiatrist practicing in Idaho, one of the places where he grew up (he also spent time in Oregon). He was a classmate of Matt May during his residency training days at Stanford, and they remain close friends today. Rhonda begins today's podcast with this mail we received from Guillermo, one of our favorite podcast fans: Guillermo asks: How do you respond to family or friends who make racist comments? Hello, Dr Burns Not sure if you have addressed this in any of the podcasts (I don't recall it being a topic) but: I was recently in a group chat with some cousins, and I read some really disappointing racist comments about a particular group. Many people ignored it (as I did) and a couple AGREED with the comments. How can we balance not judging not just any people but our longtime friends and family about overtly racist actions/comments and the thinking that it is not the event but our thoughts that create our emotions? I don't care about “judging them” (in the sense that I don't think it is my place to “change” their views) but just hearing/reading comments like this bothers me when they come from people close to me. When I see it on tv or the internet, I don't get affected because I feel it is beyond my control. I don't believe they will change their views so do I just remove them from my life? I apologize, the topic is too wide, but I've been thinking about this. Sincerely grateful for all you do, Guillermo Manuel kicked off our answer to Guillermo by saying that he has been personally familiar with racism within families and communities, and says that he and Matt have talked about this topic “a lot.” He explained that: Although I am proud of my Mexican-American heritage, I was born and grew up in Oregon and Idaho, where I'm currently practicing. I encountered considerable racial bias when I was a kid, and later in life as well. I clearly cannot speak for all Mexican-American people, I can only speak for myself and what I've personally experienced, and I am extremely aware of how difficult the current times are. My grandparents didn't teach my mom Spanish. She was a single mom, and we lived in a small town in Idaho. I also have family through marriage who live on Native American lands. In grade school I began hearing jokes about Mexican Americans, and this was very awkward, painful, for me. I also got ridiculed for not speaking Spanish.  Even my grandfather asked me, “why aren't you speaking Spanish?” There were also gangs where the racial bias got worse and frequently turned violent. After learning more about Manuel's experiences, we modeled various ways of talking to a friend or family member who has made hurtful racist comments. Manuel cautioned that it might be best to do provide the feedback individually, and not in public, so as not to shame the person. In addition, this can reduce the chance for social posturing and responding in an adversarial way. Matt agreed and emphasized the importance of combining your “I Feel” Statement with Stroking. For example, you might say something like this, assuming the racial slur comment came from a relative or person you like, Jim, as you know, you're one of my favorite people, but I want you to know that when you said X, Y and Z, it really upset me, because it sounded like a put down to people who are (Mexican, Jewish, Moslem, gay, or whatever). I (David) like this approach because it sounds respectful and direct, but not judgmental or condemning. Rhonda modeled an excellent alternative response which included this type of add-on: “And I'm going to request that you not say that again in my presence. “ I (David) would prefer not to add the directive statement at the end, which could, in theory, rankle some individuals with coercion sensitivity, because it might sound scolding. However, that's just my take on it, and it's not some kind of gospel truth. If you want to push your assertiveness and stick up for yourself, it might be effective, and was effective recently for Rhonda because the relative she said this to stopped making similar racial comments in her presence. I would suggest ending any kind of response to the person who made a racial slur with Inquiry, asking them about their racial feelings as well as the fact that you are criticizing them. Do they feel hurt, angry, anxious, or put down? You might also ask something along these lines--Have they always had negative feelings about this or that racial or religious group? Manuel described an experience in medical school when an attending doctor was supervising a group of medical students in how to do a particular medical procedure quickly, and said this to him, “You can be like a Mexican jumping bean!” Then Manuel asked himself, “Should I say something?” Which of course incurs the risk of retaliation from an authority figure in a position of power. Manuel mentioned that just because you're working in a prestigious medical setting, this does not protect you from racial slurs. He described hearing people comment on how he and several Mexican-American classmates probably got into medical school because of their ethnicity, implying they weren't sufficiently intelligent or on par  with their classmates. He also mentioned an incident during his internship when he checked in on a patient wearing his white lab coat with stethoscope around his neck, and the patient asked him if he was there to pick up the trash and could he please get the doctor.  Manuel humbly replied that he could pick up the trash, and he was the doctor. I asked Manuel how he felt when hearing these types of belittling and patronizing racist comments. He said that he felt annoyed, embarrassed, angry, put down, anxious, and alone. He described one of his best friends growing up who was white. However, this fellow grew up poor as well, so they easily formed bond because they'd had similar class-based experiences. His friend sometimes lived in all-black neighborhoods and had also felt out of place at times, not accepted, and targeted. I asked Manuel how he felt describing these intensely personal experiences on the podcast today, knowing so many people would be listening. He said, “It's anxiety-provoking. My mouth is dry, my heart is racing, and I'm afraid I'll sound like an idiot!” We discussed the differences between being unintentionally or intentionally offensive with racist comments, and also mentioned the related topic of bullying which, of course, is intentionally hurtful. Manuel said that an example might be calling me names or saying terrible things about my mother, or making threats to hurt your family, or your mom. Often the bully is trying to get you to fight, so you'd be beaten up. The bully's goal is to humiliate you in front of others and make you feel bad about yourself. Manuel introduced us to some of the approaches he uses when working with kids who are bullied. I'd like to hear more on this topic but we were running out of time. We could address bullying on a future podcast with the same crew, since Manuel and Matt both have a lot to offer on that sensitive and exceptionally challenging topic. Let us know if you're interested in hearing more. The response to bullying has to have two dimensions. First, your thoughts, and not the bully's statements, create all of your moods. So, you can use the Daily Mood Log to record and modify your inner dialogue. The goal would be to support yourself and not buy into the notion that you are somehow “less than” or a loser or coward just because someone is trying to bully and exploit you in a sadistic fashion. The cognitive work is based on the idea that ultimately, only you can bully yourself. The words of the bully cannot affect you unless you buy into them. But then it's your own beliefs that are the source of your emotional misery. Second, your verbal response to the bully can also be helpful to you, or it can serve to make the situation worse. But these techniques, based in part of the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, can be challenging to learn, especially during the heat of battle, so considerable practice is vitally important. The goal of changing your thoughts as well as the way you respond is not to blame you for the problem, but to give you some reasonably effective coping skills, perhaps similar to the verbal karate I mentioned in my first book, Feeling Good. At the end of the podcast, we did a survey among the four of us on whether meanness and aggression and exploitation is one of the inherent and genetically based drives in human nature, along with our more loving impulses and drives, or whether humans are basically good and all the hostility and killing is the result of adverse influences along the way. There was a sharp difference of opinion, and you can listen to the podcast to find out what everyone thought! We were, of course, just speculating, as this question is partly scientific and partly philosophical. I asked Manuel how he felt at the end of the podcast, and he said he was feeling a lot better. He was powerful and informative, and I was grateful he could appear with our team and teach us from the heart today! I hope you enjoyed today's program as well. Thanks for listening! Manuel, Matt, Rhonda, and David

This week we're celebrating our 500th episode by sharing some of our team's favorite moments from over the years. Whether you're new to the podcast or you've been here since the beginning, thank you for listening. An MP3 audio version of this episode is available for download here. In this episode you'll learn:  The impact of running into a former student with David Tuttle (2:56) Billy Taylor on the importance of diversity (5:42) A story of survival with Matt May (10:26) Richard Sheridan on forgiveness (23:28) Peter Docker's take on making mistakes (31:11) Recovering from broken trust with Bhavana Bartholf (36:23) Podcast Resources Right Click to Download this Podcast as an MP3 GA 411 | Practicing Lean in High School with David Tuttle GA 347 | Leveraging Deliberate Practice with Billy Taylor GA 100 | How to Survive with Matt May GA 213 | How to Lead with Joy with Richard Sheridan GA 402 | Leading From the Jumpseat with Peter Docker GA 430 | The Importance of Empathetic Leadership with Bhavana Bartholf Get All the Latest News from Gemba Academy Our newsletter is a great way to receive updates on new courses, blog posts, and more. Sign up here. What Do You Think? What are some of your favorite moments from the podcast?

AI and Psychotherapy— Doomsday or Revolution? Featuring Drs. Jason Pyle and Matthew May Today we feature Jason Pyle, MD, PhD and our beloved Matthew May, MD on a controversial, exciting and possibly anxiety-provoking podcast on the future of AI in psychotherapy and mental health. Will AI shrinks replace humans in a doomsday scenario for shrinks? Or will AI serve shrinks and patients in a revolutionary way that sees the dawning of a new age of psychotherapy? You are all familiar with Matt, due to his frequent and highly praised appearances on our Ask David segments, but Jason Pyle, MD, PhD, will probably be new to you. Jason joined the Evolve Foundation as Managing Director in 2022 to focus his work on the mass mental health crisis and the rampant diseases of despair, which afflict tens of millions of Americans. The Evolve Foundation is a private foundation dedicated to the advancement of human consciousness. Evolve is active in philanthropy and venture investments in the mental health fields. Jason is an accomplished biotechnology executive with over twenty years of executive management and technology development experience. He is committed to developing healthcare technologies and bringing science-backed healing to the most important problems of our generation. Jason is a veteran who served as a US Ranger, and earned an Engineering degree from the University of Arizona. He received both his MD and PhD in Neurosciences from the Stanford University School of Medicine, where he met Matt May and they became close friends. At the start of today's podcast, Matt and Jason reflected on their long friendship, starting as classmates at the Stanford Medical School 20 years ago. The following questions were submitted by Jason, Matt, and David prior to the start of today's podcast. Jason's Questions: How important is the role of therapist rapport with patients? If it is important, how might AI accomplish or fail to accomplish this? Given the limitations of AI, what parts or pieces of the therapeutic process might it best serve? One of AI's potentially best features is that it can interact with a person anytime/anyplace, how could this be useful to augment the current therapeutic paradigm? We talk a lot about patients using AI, but how could therapists use it to better serve their needs? Matt's Questions about AI: What is AI? How does it work? If therapists strengths tend to be their weaknesses and vice-versa, what might we expect to be the strengths and weaknesses of an AI therapist? How do these expectations match up with what David is seeing in the data? Is AI safe? Can it be made to be safe? What would be the best case scenario for AI, in therapy? David's question about AI: Will AI replace human therapists? Jason kicked off the discussion with a brief description of AI and machine learning, and outlined four potential roles for AI in psychiatry and psychology: An AI therapist full replaces the human therapist An AI helper augments human therapist, acting as a 24 / 7 therapist helper in a myriad of ways involving ongoing support for patients between therapy sessions and support for patients during crises. AI helps the therapist with rudimentary tasks like record-keeping, recording, and summarizing sessions. AI can study transcripts of therapy sessions for research purposes, rating what procedures were done as well as degree of adherence to the therapeutic methods, and the skill of the therapist. The ensuing dialogue was illuminating and exciting. In fact, I got so engrossed that I stopped taking notes, so you'll have to give it a listen to find out. However, one thing that was interesting and unexpected was highlighting the strengths and weaknesses of AI. For example, a patient with social anxiety might benefit greatly from armchair work, focusing on ways to combat distorted negative thoughts, but will still have to interact strangers in social situations to conquer this type of fear. David and Matt nearly always go with the patient out into the world for interpersonal exposure exercises, and find that the presence and trust and “push” from the human therapist can be invaluable and necessary. It is not at all clear that an AI therapist working via a smart phone could have the same effect, but that might require an experiment to find out. Jumping to conclusions without data is rarely safe or accurate! Maybe an AI “helper” could be very helpful to individuals with social anxiety! Jason raised the question of whether AI could replicate the trust and warmth and rapport of a human therapist, and whether the warmth and rapport of the therapeutic relationship was necessary to a good therapeutic outcome. I (David) summarized some of the findings with our Feeling Good App showing that app users actually rated the “Digital David” in the app substantially higher on warmth and understanding that the people in their lives. And now that we are incorporating AI into the Feeling Good App, the quality of the empathy / rapport from our app may be even higher than in our prior beta tests. We have not done a direct comparison between the rapport of human therapists and the rapport experienced by our Feeling Good App users. Many people might jump to the conclusion that human shrinks have better rapport than would be possible from a cell phone app, but this might be the opposite of the truth! In my research (David), I've seen that most human shrinks believe their empathy and rapport skills are high, when in fact their patients do not agree! In my research on the causal effects of empathy on recovery from depression in hundreds of patients at my clinical in Philadelphia, and also in more than 1300 patients treated at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California, it did not appear that therapist empathy had substantial causal effects on changes in depression. The late and famous Karl Rogers believed that therapist empathy is the “necessary and sufficient” condition for personality change, but most subsequent research has failed to support this popular belief. I (David) believe that AI therapists are likely to outperform human shrinks in rapport, warmth, trust, and understanding, but it remains to be seen whether this will be sufficient to make much of a dent in the patient's symptoms of depression, anxiety, marital conflict, or habits and addictions. Other techniques are likely to be required. However, we may have new data on this question shortly, as we will be directly studying the effectiveness of AI empathy on the reduction in negative feelings. We might be surprised, as our research nearly always gives us some unexpected results! Rhonda gave a strong and appreciated pitch for the idea that there is something about a person to person interaction, like a hug, that will never be duplicated by an app. If this is true, or even believed to be true, then there will likely never be a complete replacement of human shrinks by AI apps. But once again, you can believe this on a religious, or a priori, basis, or you can take it as a hypothesis that can easily be tested in an experiment. We do have very sensitive and accurate tests of therapists' warmth and empathy, so “rapport” can now be measured with short, reliable scales, making head to head comparisons of apps and humans possible for the first time. At one time, it was thought that AI would never be able to beat human chess champions, but that belief turned out to be false. The podcast group also discussed some of the potential shortcomings of an AI shrink. For example, the AI does not yet have the insight of how to “see through” what patients are saying, and takes the patient's words at face value. But a human therapist might often be thinking on multiple levels, asking what's “really” going on with the patient, including things that the patient might be intentionally or unintentionally hiding, like feelings of anger, or antisocial behaviors. At the end, all four participants gave their vision, or dream, for what a positive impact of AI might have on the world of mental illness / mental health. Rhonda had tears in her eyes, I think, over the suggestion that an effective and totally automated AI therapist would be scalable and might have the potential to bring ultra low-cost relief of suffering to millions or even hundreds of millions of people around the world who do not currently have access to effective mental health care. And I would add the individuals who now have access to mental health care, often cannot find effective treatment due to severe limitations in therapists as well as all current schools of therapy. Jason described his vision for an AI shrink as the helper of human therapists, extending their impact and enhancing their effectiveness. Jason is super-smart and wise, and I found his vision very inspiring! I have trained over 50,000 therapists who have attended my training programs over the past 35 years, and one thing I have learned is that most shrinks, including David, have tons of room for improvement. And if a brilliant and compassionate AI helper can enhance our impact? Hey, I'm all for that! Thanks for listening today! Let us know what you thought about our show! Jason, Matt, Rhonda, and David

Two executives, Matt May and Patrick Hooks of Liberty Federal Credit Union discuss cyber securitySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We kick off today's "Best Of" episode with a recap of Southern Regionals and Central Regionals, as well as our Tips In segment about how to use and learn from your tournament scores. We then highlight several awesome episodes from the past including Pro Show Shenanigans, The Life and Times of Skip Gilkerson featuring Matt May, our popular Kids Talking episode, Freestyle Jump with Zane Schwenk, Scott Clack, Derek Buchman, and Pete Hegarty, informational podcasts with David Rezin on How to Maximize your Scores and on Box Scores, champion females Brea Imse and Gabbie Tash, our 2023 Tournament Season Preview, and our Hank Amos podcast.  Catch up on some old episodes and give yourself a reason to go back and listen to the full episode of something you missed.  Today's sponsors....Flyman Skis - flymanskis.comThe Board Shop - bswake.comFollow us on Social Media: Instagram - @theskishowpodcast Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/theskishowpodcast Contact The Ski Show: Email us at theskishowpodcast@gmail.com Leave us a rating and a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ski-show-the-ultimate-show-ski-podcast/id1510243170

Welcome to Life in the Leadership Lane where I am talking to leaders making a difference in the workplace and in our communities. How did they get to where they are and what are they doing to stay there! Buckle up and get ready to accelerate in the Leadership Lane! This week, I am talking with Matt May, Founder and CEO of Premier Team Building and Interactive Experiences and Speaker at The HRSouthwest Conference Speaker 2023… How did Matt get started in his career? What led him to the world of Speaking and Leadership? What does Matt share about his topic “Take the Fear out of Team Building”? What does Matt share about fear when team building? What does Matt share about a successful team building experience? What does Matt share about different types of team building activities? What does Matt share about what success looks like when team building? What does Matt hope attendees will share after his presentation? What advice does Matt share to help others? …and more as we spend “Time to Accelerate” with a few more questions. Interview resources: Connect with Matt May Visit Matt's website Register now for 2023 The HRSouthwest Conference to attend Matt's session Check out Bruce's books “Life in the Leadership Lane Moving Leaders to Inspire and Change the Workplace “Find Your Lane Change your GPS, Change your Career (“Book Authority” Best Books) “Milemarkers” A 5 Year Journey …helping you record daily highlights to keep you on track. Subscribe to Bruce's Blog “Move to Inspire” https://brucewaller.com/blog-2/ Connect with Bruce on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/brucewaller/ Connect with Bruce on Twitter https://twitter.com/BruceWaller Connect with Bruce on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/bruceww300/ Connect with Bruce on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/brucewwaller Get relocation support for your next household goods or commercial office move across the US by reaching out to Bruce at bwaller@goarmstrong.com or visit The Armstrong Company https://www.armstrongrelocation.com/ Visit www.brucewaller.com for more information on Life in the Leadership Lane podcast and more!

March Matt-ness becomes Matt May-ness as we (for some reason) continue to play through dating simulators. This week we continue playing Dream Daddy and go out on our second date. upfordebate.tv Twitter: @upfordebatetv Proud member of the Coffee & Beer family of podcasts, streaming at coffeeandbeer.tv.

March Matt-ness becomes Matt May-ness as we (for some reason) continue to play through dating simulators. This week we continue playing Dream Daddy and go out on our first date. upfordebate.tv Twitter: @upfordebatetv Proud member of the Coffee & Beer family of podcasts, streaming at coffeeandbeer.tv.

March Matt-ness becomes Matt May-ness as we (for some reason) continue to play through dating simulators. This week we begin playing Dream Daddy and meet our potential suitors. upfordebate.tv Twitter: @upfordebatetv Proud member of the Coffee & Beer family of podcasts, streaming at coffeeandbeer.tv.

This month Trevor sits down with Canoe and Kayaking guide, father, outdoor educator, and #snelfie extraordinaire, Matt May. Kyle couldn't make it this month so the checkup portion of the show is rather short but we get right into the fun stuff and start talking about the Bayou! The guide service Matt works for is Canoe and Trail Adventures in the Covington/Mandeville area of Southern Louisiana and they do tours that are a bit different from the stereotypical fan boat tours that people associate with the New Orleans area. Instead their tours are slower human powered tours on kayaks and canoes and guides like Matt provide "edu-tainment" for the guests and in our opinion, allow guests to have a more fulfilling southern Louisiana experience. Some topics we hit on were Matt telling us how he was introduced to the outdoors, we give some background info about the bayou and the creatures that live there, what goes into a good #snelfie, the day camp that Canoe and Trail Adventures is puts on during the summer, how summer camps like this are a great way to introduce kids to the outdoors, then do Trevor's favorite questions and do the normal wrap up. Matt was super fun to interview and the joy he gets talking about the outdoors and how he gets to experience it through others eyes on a daily basis was absolutely infectious. Links to Check out! ⁠Eastern Lubber Grasshopper⁠ Take a tour with Canoe and Trail Adventures: https://www.canoeandtrail.com/ If you need outdoor gear in the Covington, LA area, check out Massey's Outfitters. https://masseysoutfitters.com/pages/northshore Get in touch with Matt Insta: @mattmay87 Canoe and Trail Adventures: @canoeandtrail Contact the Podcast: Email: adventuringformeremortals@gmail.com Insta: ⁠@meremortalpod ⁠ Discord: ⁠https://discord.gg/RkvwxAeyVF⁠ Trev's Insta: ⁠@trevorbollmann

While Lean can trace its direct roots to the production system launched by Toyota more than 50 years ago, its timeless appeal translates into immediate practical countermeasures in a surprising number of situations. What A Unicorn Knows, a terrific new book by authors Matt May and Pablo Dominguez, proves this by presenting a comprehensive application of lean principles that couldn't be more timely. Join us for their conversation with WLEI host Tom Ehrenfeld for a wide-ranging exploration of the deep relevance of lean for growing companies today.

He's known as Mr. Show Skiing.  The best male skier award at Nationals is named after him.  Show Skiing is forever changed because of the late, great Skip Gilkerson.  On today's episode we have Matt May and Mark Jackson join us to share all sorts of stories about Skip and his past and his contributions to show skiing.  Skip was a top skier, show director, and official.  He was Show Director of the Tommy Bartlett Show for 23 years.  He had a flare about him and was a stickler for costuming and showmanship.  He also ran the pro tour in it's hay day and worked at MasterCraft for many years.  Skip's greatest contribution was the gift of time.  He gave and gave and gave.  He held clinics at numerous amateur clubs and he judged nearly 40 Division 1 Nationals.  You'll learn a lot about Skip in this episode, including some stuff you're probably never heard before.  Today's Tips In segment focuses on choosing music for your show.  Get a few tips on how to help your team choose the right music.  Sponsors of today's episode are...FlymanSkis - flymanskis.comThe Board Shop - bswake.comChampionship Awards - championshipawards.comFollow us on Social Media: Instagram - @theskishowpodcast Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/theskishowpodcast Contact The Ski Show: Email us at theskishowpodcast@gmail.com Leave us a rating and a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ski-show-the-ultimate-show-ski-podcast/id1510243170

Recently I sat down with Matthew E. May and Pablo Dominguez to talk about their new book What a Unicorn Knows: How Leading Entrepreneurs Use Lean Principles to Drive Sustainable Growth. In the book – and our interview – Matt and Pablo highlight key principles about lean, strategy development, and continuous improvement – and how to apply them to scale-up businesses no matter what stage of growth they are in. I'm excited to celebrate the book's recent release a few weeks ago and dive into some of its core concepts, what inspired them to write it, and some of the key lessons they've learned through their collaboration. Our interview questions: (4:12) What inspired the two of you to write a book together and what problem were you trying to solve? (6:50) Let's unpack some of the book's title. Most people are familiar with a unicorn as a mythical horned horse creature fabled to be real but never seen. What does this mean in a business context? (9:00) What is a Scale Up? (11:23) You talk about these four different forces that work against any object in motion, including a rapidly growing company: drag, inertia, friction, and waste. (11:49) What is the connection between scale ups and Formula One cars? (17:08) The model for overcoming these different forces – the Unicorn Model. (25:29) Matt - you worked with Toyota at the University of Toyota for many years. What is one important concept that you learned from your time that has influenced your thinking and your approach with helping your clients? (27:58) Pablo – what is something you've had to unlearn or shift for your own leadership approach to be more effective as you've gone through your own learning journey? (29:11) What is something you've learned with a new perspective through the process of writing this book together? (31:46) What is a question that you haven't, or are not usually asked about the book? What is that question? And what's your answer?

This week's guests are Matt May and Pablo Dominguez. Ron, Matt, and Pablo discussed Matt and Pablo's book What a Unicorn Knows, the role of AI in business, and more. An MP3 audio version of this episode is available for download here. In this episode you'll learn:  The quotes that inspire them (3:44) Their backgrounds (4:47) Why they wrote the book (7:52) Unicorns and business (10:48) The current state of unicorns (12:48) Whether the world is a worse or better place because of unicorns (16:49) The Formula 1 analogy (18:48) What SCALE means (27:45) Practical tips and tools for those just getting started (33:33) The role of AI in business (35:50) Podcast Resources Right Click to Download this Podcast as an MP3 Matt on LinkedIn Pablo on LinkedIn What a Unicorn Knows GA 002 | Learning, Focus, and Innovation with Matthew May GA 100 | How to Survive with Matt May  Get All the Latest News from Gemba Academy Our newsletter is a great way to receive updates on new courses, blog posts, and more. Sign up here. What Do You Think? What are your thoughts on the concept of "unicorns" in business?

New book, available now! For links, video, transcript, and more visit the episode page  Joining us for Episode #469 of the Lean Blog Interviews Podcast are Matt May and Pablo Dominguez, the authors of the new book What a Unicorn Knows: How Leading Entrepreneurs Use Lean Principles to Drive Sustainable Growth. It's available now! Matt has been before, in episodes 67 and 103… and he was my guest for episode 39 of My Favorite Mistake. Pablo Dominguez is an Operating Partner at Insight Partners, a leading global venture capital and private equity firm investing in high-growth technology and software ScaleUp companies that drive transformative change in their industries. Pablo has spent his entire career as a go-to-market and sales-focused operator, working in consulting, public companies, startups, and, most recently, ScaleUps. The application of lean principles has figured centrally in driving sustainable growth in each of these ventures. Matthew E. May leads the Lean ScaleUp program at Insight Partners, with Pablo.  His mastery of lean principles and methodologies comes from spending nearly a decade inside the Toyota organization, where he played an integral part in launching the University of Toyota, a corporate university dedicated to teaching, preserving, and expanding the Toyota Way. Previously the author of many great books, including The Elegant Solution and, most recently, Winning the Brain Game. In this episode, we discuss their new book and how they are both influenced by Toyota and broader Lean thinking, including the Lean Startup methodology — and we discuss the questions and topics listed below: Questions, Notes, and highlights: Pablo, since this is your first time here, it would be great to hear your “Lean origin story” Helping people cope with the discovery of waste and opportunities to improve? Feeling bad about it before moving forward? Congratulations on the release of the book… in startup circles, what's meant by the term “Unicorn”? What's a ScaleUp compared to a startup? What is product-market fit? An example? Risk of trying to scale prematurely? One of the core themes in your model is “Constant experimentation”  Investors – do they want to hear about “constant experimentation”? Do they want certainty? How to prevent Big Company Syndrome (a.k.a., Big Company Disease)? What is meant by “Lean ScaleUp”? How do you react when you hear this aversion to “process” in agile or startup circles, as if process means being inflexible? What's a “lean kaizen sprint”? Applying this to the sales process? Lessons Toyota about “building team spirit”? Building teamwork across silos? The podcast is sponsored by Stiles Associates, now in its 30th year of business. They are the go-to Lean recruiting firm serving the manufacturing, private equity, and healthcare industries. Learn more. This podcast is part of the #LeanCommunicators network. 

Tina and Hillary former New York senator, Pedro Espada, Jr. and the Terri Schiavo Case. Tina's Story Pedro Espada served in the NY Senate beginning in 1993. But when his high rolling lifestyle doesn't match up to a civil servant's pay, an investigation is launched. Hillary's Story Terri Schiavo's suffered a massive heart attack at just 27 years old. BUT the politics of the case led to a nationwide debate that ends up before SCOTUS. Sources Tina's Story Bronx Times After over 30 years, Soundview Health Center is gone (https://www.bxtimes.com/after-over-30-years-soundview-health-center-is-gone/)--by David Cruz Buffalo News For Espada, new problems surface as federal investigation begins (https://buffalonews.com/news/for-espada-new-problems-surface-as-federal-investigation-begins/article_915f10ea-bb84-5934-b28f-8582e88c82c0.html)--by Tom Precious New York Daily News Crooked ex-state Sen. Pedro Espada Jr. sentenced to 5 years in prison for embezzlement (https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/bronx/pedro-espada-jr-sentenced-5-years-fines-community-service-article-1.1372875)--By John Marzulli New York State Attorney General Attorney General Cuomo Charges Pedro Espada Jr. And 19 Executives With Looting His Bronx Not-for-profit (https://ag.ny.gov/press-release/2010/attorney-general-cuomo-charges-pedro-espada-jr-and-19-executives-looting-his) The New York Times Espada and Son Plead Not Guilty to Embezzling From Health Network (https://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/16/nyregion/16espada.html)--by Nicolas Confessore and Colin Moynihan Espada Sentenced to 5 Years for Stealing From Nonprofit (https://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/15/nyregion/espada-sentenced-to-5-years-for-stealing-from-nonprofit.html)--by Mosi Secret Seven House Primaries Among Most Visible Races in New York Region (https://www.nytimes.com/1988/09/06/nyregion/seven-house-primaries-among-most-visible-races-in-new-york-region.html) Times Union Espada is back in NY after stepping over line in Penn (https://www.timesunion.com/news/article/Espada-is-back-in-NY-after-stepping-over-line-in-6277294.php).--by Rick Karlin United States Attorney's Office Eastern District of New York Former New York State Senate Majority Leader Pedro Espada, Jr. Sentenced To Five Years' Imprisonment (https://www.justice.gov/usao-edny/pr/former-new-york-state-senate-majority-leader-pedro-espada-jr-sentenced-five-years) The Wall Street Journal Landlords Stand by Espada (https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704362404575480190749373882)--by Eliot Brown Wikipedia Pedro Espada Jr. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedro_Espada_Jr.#cite_note-NYT1988-6) Photos Pedro Espada, Jr. (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f2/Pedro_Espada_2009_cropped.jpg)--by Matt Ryan CC BY-SA 3.0 Espada on Senate Floor (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7YVSGf9hhI)--screenshot of NYSenate via YouTube Soundview Healthcare Network (https://assets3.cbsnewsstatic.com/hub/i/r/2011/08/09/004e435e-af0a-42e4-ad92-6c90a2853c1a/thumbnail/1200x630/ccf0b422f13a6f156b43dc5001e47b49/soundview.jpg)--via CBS News Hillary's Story ABC News Terri Schiavo Timeline (https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Schiavo/story?id=531632&page=1) CNN Terri Schiavo has died (https://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/31/schiavo/) Mayo Clinic Proceedings The Terri Schiavo Saga: The Making of a Tragedy and Lessons Learned (https://www.mayoclinicproceedings.org/article/S0025-6196(11)61439-0/fulltext) NBC News Ten Years After Terri Schiavo, Death Debates Still Divide Us: Bioethicist (https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/bioethicist-tk-n333536)--by Arthur Caplan The New York Times From Private Ordeal to National Fight: The Case of Terri Schiavo (https://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/21/us/from-private-ordeal-to-national-fight-the-case-of-terri-schiavo.html)--by Clyde Haberman Politico Jeb ‘Put Me Through Hell' (https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/01/jeb-bush-terri-schiavo-114730/)--by Michael Kruse Tampa Bay Times How Terri Schiavo's final days divided her family, Florida and the world (https://www.tampabay.com/narratives/2019/09/15/how-terri-schiavos-final-days-divided-her-family-florida-and-the-world/)--by Tom Zucco, Jamie Thompson, William R. Levesque, Kelley Benham, Leonora LaPeter Anton, Thomas French Time Magazine How Terri Schiavo Shaped the Right-to-Die Movement (https://time.com/3763521/terri-schiavo-right-to-die-brittany-maynard/) Wikipedia Terri Schiavo Case (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terri_Schiavo_case) Photos Terri Schivao (https://www.newyorker.com/news/amy-davidson/learning-jeb-bush-terri-schiavo)--from the Schindler family via The New Yorker Terri Schiavo, in a PVS, with her mother (https://api.time.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/schiavo.jpeg?quality=85&w=1200)--by Matt May via Time Magazine Terri Schiavo Brain Scan: On the Left is CT scan of normal brain; Right: Schiavo's 2002 CT scan showing loss of brain tissue (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/98/Schiavo_catscan.jpg)--via Fair Use Right to Life Supporter (https://www.tampabay.com/resizer//Ko47r9bEh1RKR9RLaMliYIaVTEw=/900x506/smart/filters:format(webP)/arc-anglerfish-arc2-prod-tbt.s3.amazonaws.com/public/S72IA2GHL4I6TBKNIBWI6S7HAY.jpg)--by AP via Tampa Bay Times

Matt May created Premier Team Building & Interactive Experiences™, in 2017, delivering programs nationwide, and abroad. As the company's president, he is responsible for the design & development of its team building and interactive experiences, overseeing the production and facilitation of these programs, customer support, and staff training. In addition to having produced and facilitated hundreds of large and small-group team-building experiences, in his career, May has served as a producer, director, manager, administrator, educator, and consultant for various event and live entertainment, theatrical, and educational organizations. Matt May website: https://premierteambuilding.com/   Free eBook THINK AND BECOME RICH: https://successgrid.net/t99x   Leave me a voice msg here: https://successgrid.net/podcast/ For top tips and more resources pls go here for show notes: https://successgrid.net/sg113/   “If you love this show, please leave a review. Go to https://ratethispodcast.com/successgrid  and follow the simple instructions

For nearly half of his life, Matt May has been focused on ONE thing: becoming a teacher. Convinced by a special teacher in his life that he has something valuable to share with the world through his writings, Matt made it his life goal to share that passion and vision with others. Now a first-year English teacher and two-time cancer survivor, Matt is back on the podcast to update us on his life, hopes, and dreams for the future. With wisdom beyond his years, this episode is one that will leave you inspired and intrigued. Special Guest: Matt MayMatt May is the son of co-host, Robin, and is now known as Mr. May to his students at Hickman High School in Columbia, MO.  A gifted writer and speaker, Matt continues to be transparent in his journey as he processes his cancer experiences - in hopes that we can all be honest with one another about our struggles. Resources: School's Out for the Summer and Many Teachers are Calling it Quitshttps://www.wsj.com/articles/schools-out-for-summer-and-many-teachers-are-calling-it-quits-11655732689Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast Welcome to the Fit, Healthy and Happy Podcast hosted by Josh and Kyle from Colossus...Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

We send good thoughts to Matt May. Kevin McGuffey stops by to talk about the upcoming football season, his Warriors winning it all and a whole lot more. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/cats-talk-wednesday/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/cats-talk-wednesday/support

306: Ask David: Featuring Matt May, MD 1. Kevin asks: Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline Personality Disorder”? 2. Brittany asks: How do you deal with the injustice of people who rip you off without giving you credit? 3. Paul asks: Is there a way to know if I have done the Hidden Emotion Technique correctly? Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1. Kevin asks: Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline Personality Disorder”? Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline”? What are keys to being in a relationship with someone that exhibits some of these characteristics? Is it a lost cause? Is borderline personality disorder bullshit and simply a result of assumptions such as “I need love to be worthwhile” as indicated in your books? Best, Kevin David's reply Great question, here are a couple brief responses off the top of my head: "Healthy" exists on a continuum. In my experience, the therapeutic relationship with a patient diagnosed with BPD exists on a continuum, it is not all-or=nothing, and you can have excellent interactions, but this often requires great diligence and skill in the use of the five Secrets of Effective Communication. I have not observed any unique relationship between the Love Addiction and BPD. That's because the "need" for love is pervasive in our culture, and is, in fact, one of the most common Self-Defeating Beliefs. I do believe that Other-Blame (along with Self-Blame) is a common feature of BPD, along with the unwillingness to be accountable and to have tow work hard and consistently for recovery. I have had a number of patients with BPD threaten suicide if I asked them to do psychotherapy homework, for example. At my clinical in Philadelphia, we diagnosed the ten personality disorders prospectively, at the intake evaluation, and depressed patient with and without BPD improved at almost the same rate during the first 12 weeks when treated by the forerunner of TEAM-CBT, when controlling for severity of initial depression. I published this surprising finding in the top journal for clinical psychology research, the JCCP, but it got little attention for some reason, and some of the reviewers of the article were critical of this finding which they found difficult to believe or accept. DBT has been the "go-to" method for BPD, and BPD therapists may think that CBT / TEAM-CBT would or could not be helpful. Still, I am grateful for DBT welcoming such patients and helping them, when so many therapists avoid these patients! At my clinic in Philadelphia, something in the range of 28% of our patients were diagnosed with BPD at intake. david Matt's Reply: I'm really just guessing, but perhaps Kevin is feeling quite sad, worried and hopeless, about his relationship. Perhaps he's been treated badly and is also angry and scared that this will continue to happen in his current relationship. If so, he might be having thoughts like, ‘This relationship will always be terrible' or ‘They will continue to hurt me and disrespect me and treat me badly' of maybe, ‘This is their fault, they have Borderline Personality!'. This is only a guess, but if it were the case, I would imagine Kevin could use a great deal of empathy and listening, right about now. It is possible he has been treated terribly or even abused. His partner may indeed meet the criteria for BPD, in which case they would be tremendously sensitive and frequently reactive and prone to unhealthy expressions of anger. Perhaps Kevin has displayed tremendous patience and tried very hard in the relationship, which would be admirable, but only amplify his disappointment when the same hurtful patterns continue. Kevin may even feel worthless, if he believes that the way he is being treated by others is an indicator of his worth as a person. I feel for you, Kevin, and hope you're getting the Empathy you need. I think there is a lot we could offer someone in this situation, in addition to Empathy, as well. We certainly have the technology, in TEAM, to alleviate the worthless feelings, the anxiety and worry, the feelings of anger and hopelessness, etc. and to replace these with a sense of confidence, joy and optimism. We could also offer skills that that one could use to substantially improve the quality of their relationship. Meanwhile, there are many reasons why someone would prefer to maintain very high levels of hopelessness, anger and worry and low self-esteem in this context. For example, as a protection against getting hurt again. Or they might not want to like and admire themselves if their partner is dissatisfied with them. We've also discussed, on the podcast, how tempting and seductive Blame can be. When we tell ourselves, ‘It's their fault, they have Borderline Personality Disorder', this type of thought can give us pleasant feelings of superiority. Kevin may not have any of these thoughts or feelings. My point is that, before trying to ‘help' someone in Kevin's shoes, I'd certainly want to explore all the good reasons he would want to continue to feel extremely upset and all the good things this says about his sensibilities and values. In addition to Empathy and an exploration of Resistance, one tool that is sometimes helpful in this situation is the Decision Making Form. This is a simple but powerful tool, available online, thanks to David's generosity, which one can use to compare and consider, with great care, the three options they have in a relationship: continue the status quo, end the relationship or take personal responsibility for improving the relationship. There would be pro's and con's to each of these options. Meanwhile, you will notice that there's one option that is NOT on that list, which is to change the other person. Trying to change the other person, blaming them, is the cause of relationship problems and another version of the ‘status quo'. For the sake of argument, let's imagine Kevin, or someone like him, is convincingly talking back to the resistance. Maybe he also does the ‘Relationship Journal' and he experiences the death of the blaming self, witnesses how his behavior is causing the problem, etc., this would be a tremendous achievement, but, I would still have some questions: Would they want to feel better, now, or would they want to wait until after they have a better relationship? Would they want to embrace and accept and love their partner, now, flaws-and-all … or would they prefer to keep their guard up, until things improve? Are they still needing the other person to change, in some subtle way? The reason I'd have to ask these questions is because of my own limitation: I can only help someone feel better in this moment, the way things are, right now. Similarly, I can only help someone improve their relationship, in this moment, while their partner is still treating them badly. When people are open to these terms, their lives and relationships can transform in beautiful ways. They can come to appreciate and love themselves and others, just as they are. David, you've said that's the paradoxical first step towards improvement, I think. 2. Brittany asks: How do you deal with the injustice of people who rip you off without giving you credit? Hi Dr. Burns! I hear you say often how it upsets you that people use your work and don't give you acknowledgment or credit for it. I wondered how you deal with your thoughts like the unfairness or injustice of it. Or maybe you don't want to deal with those thoughts because the anger helps you in some way? Like it motivates you to create more content & host more trainings etc. so people know the ideas come from you. I was just curious. I deal with similar issues at work where I work really hard for an outcome and then once it happens other employees will take credit for it or just plain ignore the fact that I played any role. I think hearing how you deal with not getting acknowledged would help me too. Thank you, Brittany David's reply Thanks, Brittany, and good to hear from you again! Maybe we can make this an Ask David. I've been ripped off so much that I try to ignore it, since it would consume a great deal of energy. We may take legal steps once we raise money for our Feeling Good App. For the most part, I always have so much to do, and try to keep moving the ball forward. But yes, I DO get ticked off at people. Plagiarism was considered a severe violation when I grew up, and I still view it that way. Of course, all around the world we can see a tremendous amount of horror and evil being perpetuated by humans. I once asked Dr. Albert Elis a similar question, since Wayne Dwyer ripped him off. His answer was: "I just tell myself that Wayne Dwyer was an asshole, so he was just doing what he SHOULD do, since that's what assholes do! David D. Burns, MD Matt's Reply: This question is for David, not me. However, I would like to express my deepest and most sincere gratitude to David. David has dedicated his life in the service of improving the lives of others. He has published over a hundred scientific articles and revolutionized the practice of psychotherapy in the form of the TEAM model, as well as publishing at least 12 books, including Feeling Good, the most-prescribed book for depression. He has traveled the globe to offer training seminars to therapists, as well as offering free training to countless students, trainees, residents, PsyD's and psychologists in his groups, including his ongoing Tuesday training group. It is disturbing and upsetting that someone like David, who has offered so much, would be a target for plagiarism and theft and I admire him for continuing his work, despite all of that. 3. Paul asks: Is there a way to know if I have done the Hidden Emotion Technique correctly? Hi Dr. Burns, It blows my mind how simple yet logical TEAM CBT is. And I am really excited about potential of the app, and I sincerely hope that this will be a revolution in field of psychology and psychotherapy. I really enjoy reading Feeling Great, but some techniques I find complicated. I would like to ask, is there a way to know if I did Hidden Emotion Technique correctly ? Also, I would like to ask if fear of mental illness does count as hypochondriasis as well. At the end I would like to say, that I really appreciate your work Dr. Burns, and I hope that your work will spread around the world and get recognition it deserves, so even more people can be healed. Paul David's reply Thanks for the kind words, Paul. I will try to include this in an upcoming Ask David segment! Matt's reply You asked if you did the Hidden Emotion technique correctly. They say that the proof is in the pudding. Do you feel better? Are you experiencing relief? Keep in mind that the Hidden Emotion technique is one of many and may not be the correct method for some individuals. Also, for it to ‘work' will require not only revealing the hidden emotion, but discovering how to address that emotion. Will you use cognitive techniques to untwist the thinking that is causing this emotion? Will you use the 5-Secrets to respectfully communicate that emotion in a productive way? Will you make a decision about your future that will correct the problem? There are lots of options, but the outcome, if the Hidden Emotion is successful, will be relief. You also asked if worrying about having a mental illness counts as hypochondriasis. The nice thing about this model is that I get to admire you for having all kinds of hypochondriacal worries about your mental health and point out how it's a ‘solution' rather than a ‘problem' and how such worrying speaks highly of you, how responsible you are, how much you care and how much you value your mental health. I'd need you to convince me that it's a problem!

Ask David: Featuring Matt May, MD 1. Nick asks: “What if you want a positive relationship with someone who does not want the same thing?” 2. Debbie asks: Hi David, I can't stop ruminating and obsessing about weird states of minds or when I was afraid of harming someone or remembering. Everyone says to let go but why do I hang on. Where in your book can you help me? 3. Dean asks: I'm having trouble sleeping. What should I do? 4. Kathy asks a question about social anxiety / panic and the hidden emotion technique. Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1. Nick asks many general relationship problems that all need specific examples. Dear David, Thank you for all the amazing work you do. Your books and podcasts have helped me to understand and start to transform a lot of negative and unwanted frames that I carry around. I'm also working with a Level 3 therapist who I found through the Feeling Good Institute. One area I'm working on is building my empathy skills using the Five Secrets model. I see how powerful it is in situations where both people are open to a positive relationship. But I struggle with the idea that each of us creates our own interpersonal reality, and can always create a positive outcome regardless of the other person. Can you help me understand how to apply the technique to some challenging situations? - What happens if you want a positive relationship with the other person, but they fundamentally do not? I find that this situation leads the other person to react to the Five Secrets with anger or indifference. Or they view you as weak for exposing your emotions and vulnerability, and try to exploit them for advantage over you. Is it even worth trying to have a positive relationship with such a person? David's reply I try not to impose on people who do not want a positive relationship with me. You could also provide a specific example, as I always insist on having! These vague questions to my ear are kind of useless. Matt's reply David, you've said that the cause of all relationship problems is Blame.  I agree with this and sense that Nick's question is driving at that point, as well.  If someone doesn't want to participate in our definition of a ‘positive' relationship, the approach that is most in line with the 5-Secrets and Empathy is to let go and stop demanding the other person change.  That's the cause of the problem:  trying to force people to do things, our way, regardless of what they want.  This will cause them to resist and will damage the relationship. David, you have also talked about the opposite mindset of blame, where we can wield 5-Secrets honestly and effectively, the concept of ‘Open Hands'.  When we have the attitude of ‘Open Hands', we can welcome other people and receive them or gracefully let go. This mental state avoids conflict and the ‘blame game' in a healthy, non-avoidant way. For example, if someone says, “I don't want to have a relationship with you”.  We might reply, using the 5-Secrets, ‘You're right, I've been disrespectful and inappropriately pushing you too hard in the direction of having a relationship with me.  I appreciate your letting me know, clearly, that this isn't something you want.  While I can imagine you might be angry with me, I'm sure you don't want to talk about that, but prefer, instead, to end the relationship as quickly as possible.  I'm feeling awkward and would like to get out of your hair as soon as possible, too.  What can I do to facilitate ending this relationship in a way you would be satisfied with?” To put it another way, while you can maximize your chances of having a positive interpersonal experience with someone, using these communication skills, the 5-Secrets, they are not ‘mind control' and trying to use them that way will only make matters worse, hence the importance of the internal mindset of ‘open hands', accepting others' preferences and being willing to let go, perhaps grieve, refocus our attention elsewhere, if that's not what they want.  Otherwise, we are in the ‘chasing' and ‘blaming' role, which is doomed to fail, as has been discussed on previous podcasts. It may also be useful to consider whether it's actually possible to ‘not have a relationship' with someone.  My sense is that there is, in fact, a relationship, even between total strangers and between people who have decided, mutually, to end their relationship.  We could point out how those two types of relationships might differ, say, if you were to bump into each other in a grocery store.  In the latter example, you might be expected to try a bit harder to avoid contact, with an agreed-upon, ‘ex' than you would, with a stranger.  There are rules and expectations and ways in which both people think about the other person and define their ‘relationship', even if you are saying that it has ‘ended'.  The conflict comes when we don't have the same agenda and don't agree on the terms and rules of the relationship. There are many other related topics, including the ‘gentle ultimatum', ‘interpersonal decision making' and ‘blame CBA' which could be useful for Nick. Nick continues - What if you believe the other person does have a fundamental desire for a good relationship, but they are so attached to their anger, fear or depression that their only reaction is hostility and defense? Perhaps such a person can't or won't admit to their emotions, and rejects the empathy. Should you keep trying, and at what point if any should you give up? David's reply Need a specific example! I may have mentioned that! Matt's reply:  A specific example sure would help!  The problem seems related to the ‘blame game' which we just talked about.  We are demanding the other person change, and stop being so hostile and defensive.  Instead, consider using Interpersonal Decision Making and look at the three options that are available, in any relationship.  If you decide to take responsibility for the relationship, try the Relationship Journal, so you can see through the blame that is causing the problem.  You could also use positive reframing to admire their hostility, defensiveness, anger, fear and depression. Nick continues: Perhaps there are mistaken or lying about the facts, and unwilling to admit it. Or you disbelieve what they say because it doesn't match their actions or is calculated to deflect blame. For example, you may have a conflict over who cleans the house. The objective fact is that you do this 80% of the time and have done it the last 5 times in a row, while the other person has consistently left garbage lying around. Yet the other person says "I feel like you never do housework and I am always the one cleaning, and I'm sick of it". How can you find truth in such a statement? David's reply Work this out on a Relationship Journals. Write down what you said next, and follow th steps clearly spelled out in Feeling Good Together. Or, I could send you one. Matt's Reply Disarming is really challenging because it requires us to let go of our version of the ‘truth', at least temporarily, in order to see the other person's truth.  People often don't want to do that, even for a moment!  Furthermore, if the other person is angry, they are likely to distort the truth in their statements, for effect, to be more persuasive.  The problem with this, is that it will call our attention to the lies they are telling, tempting us away from seeing their truth.  Without knowing more about the situation, I could only guess at what their ‘truth' is.  Here are some possibilities, though:  Is it possible that they have some reasonable expectation for us to do more of the cleanup than them?  Are they offering something else in the relationship that offsets their lack of cleaning?  Do they do the majority of the cooking?  Do they do the shopping?  Do they pay more of the bills?  Also, were they the last one to do the cleaning?  When they clean, do they spend more time on it or do a more thorough job?  When they clean, do they clean up their things as well as yours?  Do you do that?  You stated that they leave their 'garbage lying around'.  Is that how they see it?  Is it possible that they put their things precisely where they wanted them to be and didn't want you ‘tidying up'? The point is that disarming requires seeing the bigger picture, not just the one data point that best supports your blaming them.  Try to see past this and, if you can't, considering Interpersonal Decision making and the Blame CBA, where you would write down the good reasons to blame the other person and insist that your version of the truth is complete and correct and that theirs is wrong and bad. Nick carries on - What should you do in situations where you both have attachments to other incompatible goals? In Lee's case on episodes 96-98 of your podcast and Chapter 27 of Feeling Great, both Less and his wife had the same fundamental values with regard to raising their daughter. So once he applied the Five Secrets, they were able to move past their ego defenses and share the same perspective. But what if there is a zero-sum situation where both of you have different core values? For example, choosing a grade school for your child. One parent sincerely believes in their core values that their child will benefit from attending a rigorous school where they will be challenged and grow. The other parent sincerely believes in their core values that children should be in a relaxed environment where they can play as much as possible. Can the Five Secrets help with this type of conflict? David's reply Read the chapter in Feeling Good Together on the idea that the attempt to solve the problem IS the problem, and the refusal to solve it is the solution. I think you've got some work to do! Now we'll see if you do it! Matt's Response In this case, you could agree to disagree and let a professional decide what would be best for your child.  Studies conducted longitudinally by Chess and Thomas showed that no one parenting style was ‘best' overall, but rather that outcomes for human being were determined primarily by how well the parenting style suited the child. 2. Debbie asks: Hi David, I can't stop ruminating and obsessing about weird states of minds or when I was afraid of harming someone or remembering. Everyone says to let go but why do I hang on? Where in your book can you help me? David's reply You can read my book, When Panic Attacks. You can use search function on website for many illuminating podcasts on anxiety and OCD. You can sign up for the free anxiety class. Go for it. Then ask specific questions about something you're working on based on these resources. Matt's reply Well, you're not alone!  Nobody can ‘stop ruminating'.  Try a mental experiment, where you try to ‘stop ruminating about a blue-eyed tiger'.  Tell yourself, ‘I must stop ruminating about a blue eyed tiger!  I must stop ruminating about a blue eyed tiger!'.  You will come to realize that it's Impossible and the harder you try, the more you obsess.  One possible solution is to find something else, something better, to become the focus of your attention.  Imagine a ‘Miracle Cure' were possible.  What would you most wish to see happen in your life? You could then use the Decision Making Form, to weigh different options, comparing the miracle cure to the status quo, for example.  There are, after all, real advantages to ruminating and obsessing.  You might have a sense that you're being responsible, protecting others, preventing yourself from going into weird states of mind and harming people.  This is part of your moral nature, doing no harm, being considerate and thoughtful, sacrificing your needs for others.  That's a good thing!  Also, you might be afraid of committing to pursuing your dreams, for good reason.  There are real disadvantages of doing that.  The risk of failure, humiliation, conflict, disappointment and defeat, for example.  Until you are convinced that you would want some other version of your life, despite the many advantages of rumination and the disadvantages of change, other methods are unlikely to be effective.  If you firmly decide and are committed to change, meaning that you have convinced yourself that this is what you want, on the Decision Making Form, then there are lots of methods that could be helpful. For example, you could use the Get Specific method and an assessment of Process Resistance.  When do I want to be cured?  What would I be willing to do, to have my dreams come true?  What are some small steps I  could take to get there (Anti-Procrastination / Little Steps for Big Feats).  What time will I do these tasks?  Sit down and schedule time in your day to pursue your dreams (Activity Scheduling).  If intrusive thoughts come in, try ‘Self Monitoring and Response Prevention'.  If temptation is especially tenacious, try the Devil's Advocate Technique.  I'd recommend looking into things like the ‘Hidden Emotion'.  Is ruminating a form of ‘niceness', an avoidance of a conflict?  For example, who are you angry with?  Have you told them?  If you go live your best life, who would object?  You can also give yourself a certain amount of time, per day, to obsess, wholeheartedly (worry breaks).  How much time would you like to spend ruminating?  Schedule this time and if you're ruminating outside that time, remind yourself that you have plenty of time to ruminate later.  Again, there are a lot of methods that could help and finding the right ones will be a bit of trial and error! 3. Dean asks: I'm having trouble sleeping. What should I do? Hi Dr. Burns, I picked up a copy of 'Feeling Great' and am excited to start reading it. I have been battling anxiety, depression, and severe chronic insomnia for the past year. Do I start with TEAM-CBT for anxiety/depression and deal with that first, or do I supplement with CBTi-for Insomnia and do both at the same time? I met with the Mayo Clinic last fall and they said the root cause of the Insomnia is some depression. I have been to a lot of doctors, specialists, and therapists and so far no one has been able to help. Thank you! David's reply I am not familiar with the insomnia app but it can likely give you some of the basics of sleep hygiene in case you do not already know them. TEAM can be helpful, to say the least, for the mood or relationship issues that may be triggering the troubles sleeping. Often, we may have trouble sleeping because we are upset about something. Sleep difficulties are a non-specific manifestation of being upset about something. There is no special relationship with depression, however. It could be anxiety, anger, anything. Let me know what evolves for you! And, of course, sleep difficulties do not always result from emotional disturbance, but this is often the case. For humans, problems don't usually just come from out of the blue, but from your life! David Matt's reply The best response to the question, ‘How do I get to sleep at night', that I've heard is, ‘try to stay awake'. Meanwhile, I have a couple of thoughts on diagnosis and treatment planning. Having a diagnosis of ‘anxiety' or ‘depression' is like having a ‘diagnosis' of ‘cough' or ‘fever'.  Our feelings are symptoms, not the source.  g.  if someone has symptoms of a cough and fever, that could be the result of any number of different underlying causes:  bacteria, viruses, fungi, allergic reactions, autoimmune disease, toxin exposures, etc., etc.  To make more accurate guesses about an appropriate treatment regimen, we need greater specificity.  In the treatment of symptoms like depression, anxiety and insomnia, we would need to know much more about a specific moment in time when you were having these symptoms, what you were doing, what you were thinking and details about the feeling state you were in before deciding how to prioritize the methods that would be part of a treatment plan, which we call a ‘recovery circle' in TEAM. In medical school, they train physicians to ‘cast a very wide net', when considering all the possible causes of the symptoms a patient is experiencing. This list of possible causes is referred to as a ‘differential diagnosis' by physicians.  The idea is to organize this list according to what is statistically most likely given all the information we have on hand and to conduct various tests to narrow down these options, in order to prioritize a treatment strategy that is most likely to be effective.  Meanwhile, we want to keep open in our minds that our diagnosis could be wrong and that we will need to monitor the outcome carefully, with frequent testing, rather than assume we know the ‘root' problem with 100% certainty, so we can modify the treatment strategy based on results. While it's tempting to try to try to optimize treatment results by matching the diagnosis with a ‘school' of therapy, (ERP for OCD, EMDR for trauma, DBT for BPD, etc.), there are several problems with this ‘schools' vs. ‘tools' approach to therapy. For one, the reality is that people are quite complex beings and diagnostic labels are quite imprecise and limited.  Even when we have an accurate diagnosis, we can't predict precisely which specific set of methods will be required to help someone recover.  Furthermore, even if someone has the exact same set of upsetting negative thoughts related to their anxiety, depression and insomnia, perhaps their thoughts circle from ‘I must get some sleep, I'll never get to sleep, I'll feel terrible tomorrow, Everything will go wrong, I'm a hopeless case, I'm a loser…I must get some sleep (repeat)', even if the thoughts are the same in multiple different people, we can only make informed guesses, rather than predict, perfectly, what method(s) will suit that individual best.  Will it be the double standard technique, or cognitive flooding, sleep restriction, the hidden emotion, the Socratic technique or memory rescripting, self-monitoring or response prevention, something else? The solution to this uncertainty is the Recovery Circle. The ‘recovery circle' is a customized list of at least twenty methods, that are selected based on the specific feelings, thoughts or behaviors someone would like to see change.  Each of these methods will have some reasonable chance to help an individual, with their particular thoughts and feelings and behaviors.  The idea is then to ‘fail our way to success', using trial-and-error, with measurement in between, to discover, scientifically, what is the best method for that individual.  Once we do, we focus on practicing that method regularly to gain skill with it, until our patients are not only cured, but able to recover from relapses on their own, because they know the methods that are most helpful to them. Another consideration is that, in general, folks benefit from an approach that is kind, empathic, respectful, grounded in science and measurement, and attentive to resistance and motivational barriers to change. One reason I would recommend TEAM to a family member or friend is that it contains each of these necessary elements of therapy and also has the greatest diversity of tools to help someone, as well as a customized approach to treatment.  I think that's why TEAM has been shown to be much more effective than other forms of therapy. All that said, it's important to realize that TEAM itself is incomplete and we would want to continue to expand up the model and, when you're in treatment, know that it's fine to get a second, third or fourth opinion on what methods and approaches are most likely to benefit you. 4. Kathy asks about social anxiety, panic and the hidden emotion technique. Hi Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for all the great information you put out there! I had a question about hidden emotion. If I experienced dizziness in a social setting ten years ago and now I panic whenever I am in a similar situation anticipating the dizziness. Is there still a connection to the original emotion that is still hidden or is it a habit at this point? Thank you so much David's reply Were you upset with somebody or something in that situation? Matt's reply: You could use uncovering techniques, like the ‘What If' Technique and the ‘Interpersonal Downward Arrow', among others, to figure that out. For example, ‘what if you got dizzy?  What's the worst that could happen? You can write down your answer, and continue to ask yourself, ‘what if that happened, what would I be anxious about?'.  Then, as yourself, if that happened, what would other people think about me?  How would they treat me?  What kind of people are these people, I'm imagining?  How do I feel about people like that?  

299: Ask David: Retirement blues; patients who refuse homework (and the therapists who love them); ADHD; David's new pooping story; and more!  We regret that our beloved Matt May, MD could not join us today due to an emergency involving his website. We look forward to him joining us next time for more exciting Ask David's that will include: Does the “self” exist? Does God exist? And MUCH more! We open with two announcements: 1. Return of the awesome Feeling Great Book Club, with Drs. Brandon Vance and Heather Clague, will meet weekly, starting on September 13th. This will be a terrific experience, and only costs $12 per week with a sliding fee scale if you cannot afford it. You will go through the Feel Great book, learn techniques, have fun, and practice in small groups. This is a fantastic opportunity for everyone. For more information, go to:  https://www.feelinggreattherapycenter.com/book-club. 2. The TEAM-CBT World Congress, Warsaw Poland, August 18 - 21. This first of a kind event will take place live and virtually, and will be somewhat like David''s famous Intensives with teachers from around the world, many of whom have been featured on this podcast.  The CONGRESS will feature interactive sessions which participants can learn and practice the elements of the powerful TEAM system while receiving expert coaching on TEAM techniques. This event is organized by Daniel Minte, Mariusz Wirga, and Yehuda Bar Shalom. For more information, please go to:  https://teamcbt.eu Today's questions: Retirement depression / anxiety; patients who refuse to do exposure or psychotherapy homework; treating procrastination and ADHD; David's new pooping story, and more! 1. Paul asks: Are you planning on doing a podcast about people who are about to retire and are very anxious about the prospect and also depressed about closing that chapter in their lives? I'm in that boat. 2. M asks: My patient refuses homework and isn't getting better. I think I'm a victim of what you've referred to as “reverse hypnosis.” What should I do? 3. Heather asks: Hello David! How would you treat ADHD with TEAM-CBT? 4. A asks: Hello sir, Is it okay if I do the written work by typing in my laptop on a word processor or is it must that I write on a paper? Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. In some cases, I did not have time to polish and edit my responses below. I've been super busy developing the Feeling Good App, which is coming along tremendously well. It has the potential to help millions around the world who are struggling with depression and anxiety, but I have to be super careful with my time these days. If interested in beta testing, you can sign up here. 1. Paul asks: Are you planning on doing a podcast about people who are about to retire and are very anxious about the prospect and also depressed about closing that chapter in their lives? I'm in that boat. David's reply Have you read the introduction to Feeling Great? Or done any of the written exercises in that book, or in any of my books? Of listened to my free Ted Talk on my website? We can provide more specific information in the live discussion on the podcast. 2. M asks: My patient refuses homework and isn't getting better. I think I'm a victim of what you've referred to as “reverse hypnosis.” What should I do? Dear Dr Burns, Many thanks for your blogs, podcasts, books and TEAM CBT. I have experienced (and I am experiencing) being hypnotized with a Panic Attack patient with Border Line PD- . I know this after the sessions. During the sessions I feel I cannot even think well. I see this client through SKYPE, And cannot see her face to face due to distances. I have try to follow your approach, but she's resistant, I do include exposure exercises that she never completes. How to do a Shame Attacking Exercise when I cannot go with the patient to the places she needs to in order to do the exposure. I have even been in the phone and she driving, but 2 years later nothing works. Any thoughts will help! Many thanks in advance. M. David's reply Thanks, great question! Some training or individual case consultation or both, or workshops, would help a lot. We have two free weekly training groups for therapists in California and therapists around the world. For example, the last two weeks in our Tuesday group we have focused on the negative thoughts and feelings therapists have during sessions that interfere with their ability to do excellent work. So your question is very timely and relevant! Also, the www.feelinggoodinstitute.com has free and paid training. Two of the finest teachers are Mike Christensen and Dr. Jill Levitt, and there are many others as well. Jill has just released an introductory recorded class on TEAM-CBT that you can purchase and watch whenever you like. She is a brilliant teacher! And yes, you HAVE been hypnotized during sessions! David 3. Heather asks: Hello David!! How would you treat ADHD with TEAM-CBT? Hi there! It is Heather Donnenwirth, from podcast 267. I hope you are doing well. I really enjoyed being apart of the podcast with you, Rhonda, and Kyle. Thanks again for including me in that experience. I have another question for you about the podcast you did on ADHD. I totally agree with you about ADHD not being a diagnosis and agree that is more helpful to treat the symptoms. Many of the clients that I work with have been diagnosed with ADHD or are convinced that they have it. Procrastination seems to be a common symptom of "ADHD" that people want help with and that can be treated easily with the TEAM model and with the anti-procrastination and motivational tools. The symptom that people ask for help with that I am feel less confident about helping them with is difficulty with focus and distractibility, and would love your thoughts about how to treat these symptoms? I have improved my own focus with motivational techniques and with practicing bringing my attention back to what I want to focus on when my mind starts to wonder. Also, taking notes has helped me to stayed focused, but I am curious if you have any other ideas about increasing focus? Sometimes the people I work with have distorted thoughts about focus as well, such as: "If I'm not interested in something, I can't focus on it," and "I need medication to focus," etc. Anyway, I value your knowledge and opinion and wondered if you have any tools for increasing focus? Also, do you treat hyperactivity and excessive talking? I have also noticed that parents some time play an enabling role with kids diagnosed with ADHD, and don't require their children to do schoolwork that they think is too hard or if they are bored and having a hard time focusing. Sorry this is long!!! I hope you are doing well!!! Warmly, Heather Donnenwirth David's reply I'd just ask the person to focus on one moment when they had that problem and then do a Daily Mood Log, as you've pointed out, and also brainstorm with them on how to solve the problem. But first, would have to do empathy and assessment of resistance, same as with anybody! As you point out, the motivational factors can be enormous. For example, Adderall is just the same as Dexedrine, and highly addictive and euphoric street drug. If I had some right now, I'd be highly excited and write 30 pages of stuff! In addition, I can use ADHD as an excuse for not doing stuff that's boring. Someone who is motivated can easily find a solution. The summary before college I was lucky to get a job in a bank in Phoenix. My job was filing checks by hand. Boy, that was boring! I made it a bit less boring by trying to find the most unusual names while I was filing checks alphabetically. One of the many unusual (to my young and uneducated ear) names was J. Karekin Moojian! As freshman in college, I found I had trouble concentrating and grasping what the professors were saying in lectures to large classes of a couple hundred or so students. And I had NO IDEA whatsoever what the teacher was talking about! What helped was simply asking another student as we were walking out of the class. I'd say, “What was the professor trying say?” Then the other student, who seemed way smarter than me, would just give a one sentence summary, and I'd suddenly “get it.” So, if you're motivated, you can find a way! In medical school, I had to memorize gross anatomy. I had little aptitude and no interest. I had never even take a biology class in college, and did not know what was in the “abdomen” or “thorax.” So I made up little games, sitting for hours in the library memorizing stuff. It got me through—just barely1 David   4. A asks: Hello sir, Is it okay if I do the written work by typing in my laptop on a word processor or is it must that I write on a paper? Is it okay if I do the written work by typing in my laptop on a word processor or is it must that I write on a paper. Thank you. David's reply Interesting question! Probably okay either way. No research on this issue! I slightly favor doing it by hand, but that is likely because I have done it that way for 40 + years! d Thanks for listening and reading today! Rhonda, and David

Could you use a morale booster among your team or staff? Have you thought about conducting a team building exercise? Before you do...listen today's episode for all the do's and don't when planning a team building activity. Our guest today is Matt May. He will set you up for success and make you look like a hero to your team.

After several years of producing and facilitating team-building programs for a variety of companies. Here's how Matt May helps businesses grow stronger from the inside.Matt recognized that there was an alternative way to provide engaging and interactive experiences. As a result, he created premier team building and interactive experiences, delivering programs nationwide and abroad. As the company's president, he is responsible for the design and development of its experiences, overseeing the production and facilitation of these programs, customer support, and staff training. Additionally, in his career.Matt has served as a producer, director, manager, Administrator, educator, and consultant for various events and live entertainment, the abstract, theatrical and educational organizations.KEY QUESTIONS:Virginia  03:29 So have you always wanted to be an entrepreneur or kind of how did you kind of know that this was what you needed to do?Virginia  07:58 So who is your ideal client? Today? Today? Tomorrow?Virginia  09:20 What are you doing to get yourself in front of individuals?Virginia  11:41 Do you find that it's kind of one of the big mistakes that your clients make if they think that team building is this whole other experience? Like you're talking about prepaid balling and stuff?Virginia  13:35 So what are a couple of big goals that you have for your company in the next year or two?Virginia  15:52 How would they change your business?Virginia  20:35 Do you have a hard time coming up with like, different experiences for people to have?Virginia  27:56 What is the best advice that you have ever received?Virginia  30:29 What's the best advice you've ever given?Virginia  33:18 Is there anything that you would like to talk about that we haven't yet?Virginia  34:28 Where can people go to learn more about you and what you do?Learn more from the source!Check these out to learn more about Adam Pearce and Peter Gardner: Book:https://www.amazon.com/TAKE-FEAR-OUT-TEAM-BUILDING-ebook/dp/B09FBWBY3P/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=take+the+fear+out+of+team+building&qid=1652710159&sprefix=Take+The+Fear+Out%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1Facebook :Premier Team Building & Interactive ExperiencesWebsite : www.inabakalova.com/blogLinkedIn : LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattmayptbInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/PremierTeamBuildingVirginia Purnellhttp://facebook.com/distinctdmhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/virginiapurnell/ Virginia PurnellFunnel & Visibility SpecialistDistinct Digital Marketing(833) 762-5336virginia@distinctdigitalmarketing.comwww.distinctdigitalmarketing.comBook a Free Call http://bit.ly/DDMBookACallECTune in to gain insights from the experiences of fellow entrepreneurs and learn more about setting your business up for success!

It's Story Time, our weekly walk through cricket history via your listener quiz challenges. This week, what a show this turned out to be. The Lion King returns, as does The Nanny, a fair bit of karaoke, Morticia Addams, some of the nerdiest areas that TFW listeners have ever led us to, and the missing Bowen Big Mango. Plus the wildest coincidence in the history of this show. Tune in. Your Nerd Pledge numbers this week: 2.00 - Jonathon 3.62 - Bharat Agarwal 5.27 - Alex Brown 3.27 - Steve Lofthouse 5.18 - David Nicholls 2.04 - Vivek Arcot 5.26 - Simon McInerney 3.70 - Samuel Chappell Send us a Nerd Pledge at patreon.com/thefinalword Find other episodes at finalwordcricket.com Revisits: Owen, Edward Edgcumbe, George Pearson, Josh Goleby, Duncan Davies, Elliott Diamond, Chris Beattie, Matt May. 20% off primo WoodstockCricket.co.uk bats with the code TFW20 The Final Word is part of the Bad Producer Podcast Network Title track by Urthboy Support the show: https://patreon.com/thefinalword See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Matt May is Founder and CEO of Premier Team Building and Interactive experiences, he's also a speak and author of the Book, "Take the Fear out of Team Building." In this engaging and fun show, you can learn: Why “team building” is not a “bad word.” Why grown-ups have developed fear and anxiety around play and team building? How do you go about having fun/play yet keeping the learning real and authentic? How do you get folks to participate who just don't want to get involved.   Join our Tribe at https://leadership-hacker.com Music: " Upbeat Party " by Scott Holmes courtesy of the Free Music Archive FMA Transcript: Thanks to Jermaine Pinto at JRP Transcribing for being our Partner. Contact Jermaine via LinkedIn or via his site JRP Transcribing Services   Find out more about Matt below: Matt on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattmayptb/ Matt on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PremierTeamBld Matt on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/premierteambuilding/ Matt's Website: https://premierteambuilding.com/   Full Transcript Below ----more---- Steve Rush: Some call me Steve, dad, husband, or friend. Others might call me boss, coach, or mentor. Today you can call me The Leadership Hacker. Thanks for listening in. I really appreciate it. My job as The Leadership Hacker is to hack into the minds, experiences, habits and learning of great leaders, C-Suite executives, authors, and development experts so that I can assist you developing your understanding and awareness of leadership. I am Steve Rush, and I am your host today. I am the author of Leadership Cake. I am a transformation consultant and leadership coach. I cannot wait to start sharing all things leadership with you   Our special guest on today shows Matt May. He's the founder and CEO of Premier Team Building & Interactive Experiences Company. He's also a speaker, an author of the book, Take The Fear Out Of Team Building. But before we get a chance to speak with Matt, it's The Leadership Hacker News. The Leadership Hacker News Steve Rush: The values and culture play a real part in leadership post pandemic. We're going to look at how environments have changed dramatically over the last 10 years and particularly since the pandemic. It's exposed weaknesses and for some businesses strengths and the effectiveness of company values and how they're put into practice. I want to dive in and have a quick look at how leadership drastically changes company culture and how values inform it. There's a fantastic report from the ILM called leading through values if you get a chance to get your hands on it, which gives you much more context and detail about the things I'm going to talk to you about. And just to throw something else into the mix that helps inform culture and values, right now. I wrote an article in CEOWorld Magazine and on LinkedIn called Mind The Gen Gap. For the first time, we now have four generations in the workforce, Baby Boomers, Gen Xers, Millennials, and Gen Zers or Gen Zers if you're in the UK. And the reason this is important is because values is the principles, the rules of the game, and we all have perspectives based on our generations. And whilst these are not scientifically proven, it's a good barometer and we should take it into consideration. The ILM research found that 69% of people will reconsider a job if the company culture seems to be toxic, 77% felt that company culture was incredibly important to them and the values that their boss also brings to the culture and 56% ranked opportunities for growth as more important than their basic salary and package. So, the top values that impact on culture are having a person centered and authentic approach with the core elements, being congruence. In other words, your words and actions make sense to your employees. Being genuine in essence, empathy, having a deep understanding of what it feels like for employees of every grade and every level and an unconditional positive regard for the individual. And only if there is a genuine approach to demonstrate these values from senior leadership. There can be congruency throughout the organization. You'd expect wellbeing of employees to be up there and of course, it is. The Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, CIPD. Run a survey of over 3000 individuals in the UK. And the survey consistently found a 38% of workers experience work stress on a weekly basis. The problem in a lot of companies is that there is no clear standalone health and wellbeing strategy. In fact, only 8% of companies had such a strategy And at least 34% of managers expressed a need for independent authority and feel unempowered to really do anything. My observation here is if we have a people centered approach, wellbeing should be part of that, and we don't necessarily need to have a strategy or strategic. We do however need to be more thoughtful and compassionate. And as a talent management and learning and development, professional. It's music to my ears, to see self-directed on autonomous learning to sit up here in the top tier, there's been a significant shift away from organizations investing in organization-wide learning programs and much more focused self-directed autonomous learning and it's becoming more prominent in most company's culture. And this means that the company values are the basis of helping employees engage when it's meaningful and when it's right for them. But this strategy provides some challenges, too. Some people really struggle to learn on their own. They do need guidance, support, and others to help them on their journey. There are people not able to extract and absorb the information in the same way and still need that for face-to-face facilitator led sessions. And there's such a thing too, to have too much freedom. The number of possibilities can create overwhelm and anxiety. So, we have to sometimes help people direct them to the most appropriate resources. And their last one on my list today is recognition. Remuneration is important for sure but recognizing staff for good jobs well done is most important and a significant indicator in value-based leadership. Many employees want to feel that their work is being valued and valuing values plays an important role in this because they should stipulate in some way that there is a recognition of the hard work outside of the salary and the direct results as a result of their work. This will also inform great culture and culture can be formed so that this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The final thing I want to draw our attention to is your company's purpose is not your purpose and your mission, but finding that connectivity by what you do to why they do what they do will really help you find true purpose in your work, as well as in your life Values based culture gives you the principles to accelerate progress together and purpose will anchor the activities that bring people together to drive great culture. That's been The Leadership Hacker News, lets dive into the show. Start of Podcast Steve Rush: Joining on the show today is Matt May. He's the founder and CEO of Premiering Building & Interactive Experiences Company. Who's putting the fun and energy back into play. He's also a speaker, an author of the book, Take The Fear Out Of Team Building. Matt, welcome to the show my friend. Matt May: Thank you so much for having me. I'm thrilled to be here. Steve Rush: So, I'm really looking forward to our interactive experience today. But before we get into that, maybe you can just give our listeners a little bit of the journey from where it all began in theater to you and how you ended up running in interactive experiences firm. Matt May: Absolutely. So, I was in music and theater in high school, middle school. I always was creative. Hey, let's put on some sort of a show or a presentation or do something for the family and the parents and the yada, yada in the backyard, in the garage. And when I went to school undergraduate, I went for theater. I earned a dual major in theater and arts administration. So, I got that business side. I also was a camp counselor when I was a teenager. I went through a three-year counselor in training program as a camper. Took some psychology courses in undergrad, as well as a number of leadership courses. And I don't know if they're call all seminars or what but opportunities that were presented through a variety of organizations within the university setting. So that kind of all sorts of came together for me after I graduated school, I went to New York city and did the professional entertainment thing for a while, but I also was always kind of had an education thought in my head. So, I really did a number of different things. I finally left New York after five years. I said, I'm moving to sunnier pastures because I want to be able to have my coffee outside, whether it's January or June. Steve Rush: That's right, yeah. Matt May: [Laugh]. I moved to Florida in the states and really haven't looked back. But when I moved there, I started working in administration at a performing arts high school and college and had a number of different opportunities that I embraced and did. And finally sort of fell into team building per say. I happened to be bartending at a comedy show on campus at the Fort Lauderdale Performing Arts Center, the Broward Center for the Performing Arts. And the stage manager happened to be staffing an event, a team building event, just helping the company, which is actually based in Massachusetts. So not even close by. And she said, hey, do you want to do it? And I said, yeah, absolutely. And that was my first official team building as an assistant staff. And I said, oh, huh, there's something about this. So, jump ahead, several years I was facilitating, I started doing a lot of producing because of my theatre background. I was able to do production and logistics and whatnot, and finally said, you know what? I quite honestly, I'm tired of being on the front lines and not having control and what goes into all of the preparation beforehand and created my own company. And I like to call it a perfect storm because I have my logistics and my business and my entrepreneurship and my sales skills. And by the way, sales is my least favourite thing to do. But I get guess I have some sort of a knack for it. But then I also, when I facilitate jump on stage and I'm able to get people working together and be entertaining and whatnot. So, I'm able to use all of my experiences and all of my different training, whether it be from education or professional or theatre or business, and it kind of a perfect store and collides together. So that's kind of how I got to where I am now. And looking back, of course, hindsight is always 2020, I think. Oh, all right. Well, that's why I did all of those different things and worked in education and professional theatre and, you know, did some temping offices and whatnot so that all of this came together for me to where I am now, Steve Rush: Steve jobs, I think famously said you can't always connect the dots forward, but you can definitely connect them back. And that's perfect example, right? If you were trying to create the path to where you are now, you'd probably never get there. Matt May: No. And you just made me think, I don't know if I'm the only one, but I remember as a kid, when we would try to do mazes, you know, the mazes that you draw, the pen or the pencil through it all. Steve Rush: Yeah. Matt May: Some reason, they seem to be easier going backwards. Steve Rush: Oh, that's interesting perspective. I wonder if that's something to do with the way that our brains are wired as well. Matt May: It must be, I've never really researched it, and until you mention that Steve Jobs quote, I hadn't really thought of it, but I think that's on my to-do list this afternoon. Steve Rush: Shout out to all amateur neuroscientists, or any professional ones that listen to the show, they can maybe contact us and let us know. That'll be interesting to have a look at. Matt May: Yes. Steve Rush: So, the work that you do now, it's very still theatrical, isn't it? So, you get to be that front to stage guy, but also then be that production guy as well. Is there a natural kind of thing that you prefer? Are you more of a front man or more of a production man? Where would you say you're kind of true passion lie? Matt May: Geez, that's a tough question to answer. You know, certainly being a performer as I was younger and going to school for it initially, that's instilled in me, but it's funny. I will have clients who are new clients often come up to me after an experience ended and say, where did you come from? And the first few times that happened, I didn't understand it. But now I do, when I walk into a ballroom or whatever, and I'm setting up and managing staff and we're getting ready, it's very organized and logical. And you know, I'm just doing what needs to be done and I'm talking to a client or whatever, and it's very professional, but something happens that when I jump on stage or jump in front of a crowd or grab a mic or whatever, I just inherently turn it on if you will. Steve Rush: Yeah. Matt May: And that's what they refer to now. The challenge is, in my line of work is. I'm not there just to entertain, right. And I'm reminded of the late Alex Trebek from Jeopardy. He was never wanted to be introduced as the star of the show Jeopardy. It was always the host of the show because his feeling was that contestants were the stars. Steve Rush: Yes. Matt May: And I try to keep that philosophy that the participants in the experience, they are the stars, the light shines on them. When I start a program, I'm doing kind of what I like to think of as audience warm up. And yeah, I do my skit and whatnot, but that gets people going. But then once the experience really gets going and they get hands on, it's all about them. Steve Rush: Yeah. And of course, the biggest thing, most of all is, you're there to facilitate a learning outcome. Matt May: Exactly. Steve Rush: And that's the one thing that is different from a performance, because actually as a performer, you are still having an ambition to want to entertain, but you are not having to be as thoughtful of the specific way that you construct an experience so that somebody takes away a different learning outcome, right? Matt May: Correct. Correct. And when we're watching as patrons watching entertainment, whether it be on a screen or on a stage. We are there for them to entertain us. Where in my line of work, I'm not here to entertain you. As you said, I'm here to facilitate the experience. So, you put in as much as you're going to get out of it. Steve Rush: Exactly right. So, when we start to think about the whole concept of team building, when you mention that word to groups of individuals, what's the reason you get a different response. So, some people will love it and some people will running in fear from it. What causes that? Matt May: The simple answer in my opinion is bad experiences. Steve Rush: Yeah. Matt May: They have been thrust into experiences that didn't have positive outcomes for them, for whatever reason. So many people think of team building as trust falls or paintball or zip lining or white-water rafting, you know, extreme sports, if you will, or sitting in a room and being told, this is how you work together as a team, while watching a slideshow, right. I don't do any of those things. And I think it's because people have been thrust into those things, or that's the majority of their experience. They just have a negative connotation in their head that team building is a bad word. Now there's also, as you mentioned, some people are very excited about it. People who are extroverted and tend to be well, extroverts generally like it more because they're excited and their energy is locomotive full speed ahead. Where people who are more introverted and maybe have anxiety, or even if it's not full-blown anxiety just don't like to be in a crowd or don't like to be in a small group because they can't hide as easily. Those people have more apprehension. So, when they hear team building, I think their negative thoughts are even more heightened. Steve Rush: Of course, in any audience, you are going to have a mix of those types of individuals, because many will be extroverted and thinkers and feelers, and others will be introverted thinkers and feelers. How do you make sure that when you are constructing a session that you are thoughtful of those different types of personalities that might come out? Matt May: Well, our experiences are designed in such a way that everybody is on an even peel, equal, right. I generally tell clients; I don't want to know who the boss is. The CEO is here, okay great. Don't tell me who he is, or she is. I don't want to know because I want to treat every single person the same. Now Murphy's Law inevitably comes into play nine times out ten, and that's the person I wind up picking on [Laugh] just organically. And then, oh, that's the CEO, well, thanks for playing [laugh]. But generally, most of our experiences, Steve call for teams of ten, and we start off having everybody in the team of ten, doing a group exercise, and they're all doing the exact same thing before they even break out into, quotes, unquote. And I'm using air quotes here, roles and responsibilities that they will be in charge of, if you will, during the experience. Everybody does the same icebreakers and the same introductory games and challenges and activities. So that everyone is completely even keel. Then a lot of times when you break off into the experience, say it's building bikes for kids. For example, some people are more mechanically inclined, or they're really good with wrenches and they want to put something together great. Somebody else is better with puzzles and mind games and mind solving great. They'll focus more on that. Other people are better at marketing. And so, they'll kind of work on their team presentation more, but by the same token, a lot of times people say, well, you try this. This is not your forte or what you would normally gravitate to, this particular component. Why don't you try this? And that allows people to see their colleagues in a whole different light. Steve Rush: Yeah. Matt May: For example, sometimes the CEO or the C levels or the Directors, whatever will be on teams with somebody who's the front desk receptionist. And that person will, for whatever reason, wind up in more of a leadership role or whatnot. And then next thing you know, the boss is saying, you are totally underutilized signing for packages and answering the phone. We need to talk next week. And, you know, ultimately the person becomes an office manager or whatever, because he or she was seen in a different light. Steve Rush: I suspect that having the opportunity to throw away the natural conventions of the work labels gives everybody the opportunity to see how others behave and perform. Matt May: Absolutely. Steve Rush: Yeah, I love that. So as kids, when, you know, you first got up in front of your folks and did your, you know, theatre production and, you know, I probably did the same. What is it that causes some people like you, Matt, to continually have this energy to want to continually innovate and play where others like me will, you know, be a bit stuffy and go, well, I don't do any of that kind of stuff anymore? Matt May: Well, I don't know. I don't know if there's a certain quote unquote thing that is in me or not in you or whatever. I think some of it is inherent and its personality and as well as likes and desires, you know, what we follow or chase, but I think a big part of it too Steve is that we are conditioned as we grow up. Now I can only speak for the States, right. I can't speak for European school upbringing, but for the States, and this is changing to a degree, but for so long, it was sit at the desk, take the information that's presented to you, go home, do some exercises, commit it to memory, come back and regurgitate, wash, rinse, repeat, right? Steve Rush: Right. Matt May: So, as kids if we look at it, their favourite, well, I'm generalizing. Often the favourite part of the day is recess because they get to go outside and play. But as we get older, recess is removed from the school day. And by the time we're out of primary schools and into middle school, junior high, high school, and then certainly in college, we go, and we ask people to give us information and educate us that we are then going to theoretically use, but the play is gone. So, I think that's a big part of it is, just society. And don't get me wrong. Look, adulting is hard [Laugh] okay. Steve Rush: That's true. Matt May: We all have responsibilities. We can't play on the playground all day. We have to work so that we can survive and support our family or if we don't have a family, at least keep a roof over our head and keep us fed and clothed. But the fun element in our work and our workday seems to have been removed. Steve Rush: Yeah. Matt May: And it, takes like going on a boy's weekend to have our fun or the girls. I'm going out with the girls tonight or whatever. That is how we have our fun. Well, why can't we still have fun in the workday? And I know fun is not necessarily something we use to measure success or productivity, but it doesn't mean it can't be prevalent. And it doesn't mean it doesn't help success and productivity. Steve Rush: I think you actually might be able to measure that. So, when you look at things like employee engagement, you'll see fun represent itself in different ways. So, commitment to the organization, prepared to stay, creativity, innovation, elements of peer group recognition, that kind of stuff. But often we don't apply that three-letter word to it because we feel it's got less relevance in a workplace. Matt May: Correct. Steve Rush: Would that be fair selection? Matt May: Absolutely. I think that's very fair. And I will let you in on, well, I guess it's not going to be a secret because I've already told other people coming out there right now. I am a Hallmark movie junkie. I fully admit it. I'm a sap. I'm a big romantic at heart. I love Hallmark movies. And there was one that I watch about a year ago now. And there was a line that I sort of kind of touched on a moment ago, but the line was, and I know that fun, isn't typical metric in the corporate world, but you know what it's worth because fun allows people to relax and be fully themselves, which makes them productive and more engaged. And that affects the bottom line. Steve Rush: Right. And is that something also that helps remove some of that fear and anxiety around team building as well? Matt May: Absolutely. And I've had, I don't want to say arguments. Discussions with people who have said anything competitive is not valuable in team building. Well, hold on, going back to the whole paintball, I will agree with you on that. I don't, for me, that is not exciting. That is not team building. That's just crazy, whatever. However, the majority of our team building experiences are competitive in nature. However, we're not talking about tackling each other and taking each other out with guns. We're talking about light-hearted competition. People are naturally competitive, Steve, right? Steve Rush: mm-hmm. Matt May: Again, I'm generalizing. Steve Rush: That's a fair generalization, yeah. Matt May: Yeah. When we start, we go to school, we earn, or we are provide with good grades for positive work and productive work. The mother of all, and I don't know if you have this over in the UK, but at least over here, the mother of all winnings is the lottery. People play, whether it's scratch off or the big one, people go to a casino for a night out, whatever, but they put their coin in the machine, pull that lever and they want to get the pay-out. We are competitively, we like to win things. So, when you tell people, hey, you are doing this for the winning title, and yes, you're going to win a gold medal at the end, whatever. It's just fun. We're just there to have some light-hearted competition, but people inherently enjoy that. Then they start talking smack to their colleagues. You're going down, whatever. Just again, it's all light-hearted fun. Nobody really means any ill will to each other. But doing that in an environment outside of the office allows you to see your colleagues in a different light Steve Rush: And neurologically, of course. It releases dopamine. Matt May: Right. Steve Rush: And that's a rewarding chemical transmitter, neurotransmitter that we thrive on. And you get a hit from that. So not only is it fun, it's also a learning, so you want more of it. Matt May: Exactly. We crave more of it once we've had the burst of it. Steve Rush: Yeah. Matt May: And like I said, the whole medals, I have a discussion and I usually talk about it on when to do team building exercises. I always say, if you have people that don't know each other and coming out of the pandemic, I have hear from more and more people, we're doing the sales meeting and 75% of our team has not met each other, other than on Zoom. Okay, well, then I would recommend doing it at the beginning. Well, we wanted to wrap up the three-day conference with it. Okay, we can do that. But if you're telling me, people don't know each other yet, do it at the beginning, they're automatically going to know nine other people from their direct team. The winning team is going to win gold medals. Maybe they'll wear them at lunch that day. Maybe they'll wear them that night to the cocktail reception. We'll encourage them to wear them the rest of the three days to remind everyone that they were the winners. Good for them. Well, that's a conversation piece right there. Somebody else might come up and say, we were robbed. Yeah, well, sorry. We got the medals, right. So, it automatically creates conversation. And again, it was based on that fun competition factor. Steve Rush: So, during your experiences as well, one of the things that I've noticed through the work that you do, Matt, is that there is always a purpose behind what you do. So mentioned kids for bikes earlier. So that's something that you use, exercise as a team together, but something that's also serving communities well. Just tell us a little bit about some of the things you do. Matt May: Well, as far as the philanthropic experiences, yes. Building bikes is for kids is one. We have an experience where we build wheelchairs for veterans, or maybe not even veterans for people who are mobility challenged. Foster care programs, kids entering foster care. Kids that need snacks. They don't get them during the school day when they're on vacation, places that they can go to get the snacks because they're underserved and maybe their parents can't afford to give them a snack every day. So, all of those types of things, many companies have CSR, Corporate Social Responsibility Initiatives. And if we can align with them, that's great. Because, let's say, let's be honest. If we can get something out of it, i.e., getting our teams to work together, having fun, doing something out of the norm of the workday and give back, well, then it's win-win for everybody. Steve Rush: Yeah. Ticking all the boxes, right? Matt May: Exactly. And it doesn't have to be philanthropic. It could be a culinary program and your company, I don't know, maybe your company makes salsa. We could do a salsa margarita challenge. See, oh, wait, maybe that is the next new recipe for your brand, right. Or for an alternate version of your salsa, or maybe you make hospice sauce and, well, great. Let's use your sauce in this culinary team building experience. So, there are ways to incorporate the company as well. Steve Rush: Yeah, exactly. Love it. So, have you ever had a time where you've just had a participant who's just, you know, folded arms, stuffy, I'm not getting involved in any of this? Have you ever experienced any of that? Matt May: Yes [laugh]. Steve Rush: How do you deal with that? Matt May: To be honest with you, I don't, and I'll tell you why. Usually, well, it's never not happened. So, knock on wood. The person ultimately says, well, I look like a schmuck standing over here, and I'm the one who's not having fun. Who wants to be in the corner? Right. All by him or herself. If your colleagues bring you in and you insist upon being that stuffy jerk. Okay, fine. You're only hurting yourself. So, peer pressure I guess, is the bottom line. And I say that in a positive way, not a negative way. That ultimately your peers are going to say, come on, let's go. You're being a jerk. Steve Rush: [Laugh]. Matt May: And it happens, right. If somebody doesn't have the realization by themselves, that there are only hurting themselves and look like dunce. Somebody else, or several other members of the team are going to say, come on, let's go. Now, I'll be patting myself on the back. That rarely happens because our experiences are designed in such a way that you really can't sit out, starting right at the get go. And when I facilitate, and our other facilitators have been trained to really put on the charm immediately, put on the energy immediately. So, we inherently, not we, but the participants inherently say, okay, I'm already in this. Steve Rush: The one thing I notice in those experiences as well is the other thing of course, is that, that individual's looking at everybody else having loads of fun, thinking. Now I'm losing out. Matt May: Correct. Steve Rush: So, I know over the last couple of years, Matt, you've had to really pivot your business model as we were going through the experiences of the pandemic. But I wonder having had the experience of being face to face and virtual, what the pandemics really taught us about how we participate or get involved if the case around things like team building or activities, what's it really highlighted for us? Matt May: Well, I think that it's proven to us that face to face interaction is necessary. And it's certainly good for us. We learn so much more and we get and give so much more when we're face to face. When you're on a video call, yes, you can see the person, but you may not see the person's hand gestures because the camera is close, right. And you don't get the body language. You don't get the nonverbal cues. You don't get touch, right. Human beings need touch. There's a wonderful book and its old. And it was Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom. And there was a movie made with Jack lemon and Hank Azaria, many, many years ago. And I'm paraphrasing here, but Morrie was diagnosed with ALS, and he basically taught this former student, Mitch Albom life lessons. And one of them was, when we come into this world, we are cradled by our mothers, right. Until we learn to walk. And even then, we are constantly cradled by our parents. Craving human touch. When we die, nobody wants to die alone. I know this is a grim thought. And I apologize for doing that on the podcast, nobody wants to die alone. Steve Rush: Right. Matt May: So, we crave it, but why do we push it away for the majority of our lives? Why do we begin and end with it, but not continue to make it so important to us during our adult lives? But again, going back to face-to-face, handshakes. Now, I know people are still, some of them are nervous about that and whatnot, okay. Then do an elbow, bump, whatever. But when you touch someone's hand and you grasp it, you are having a physical connection that you don't get virtually. Steve Rush: Yeah. Matt May: Now, team building experiences and other were very valuable. They still are. We do them. I personally prefer face to face, but I know a lot of people are saying, we're just not ready to go back yet or we don't have the ability to bring in everybody just yet. We've got it six months down the line, but we want to do something right now. Great. So, it's still valuable because you're getting people interacting and hopefully having fun. But the face to face in person is just so much more valuable. Yes people were doing virtual events. I get that. But this wasn't even in our brains, right. As a thought, this conversation right now. Steve Rush: Right. Matt May: Because of the pandemic is why we're having this discussion. I can't articulate this. I don't know why, but going back, we never would've thought about that before. Steve Rush: That's true. And it's fair to say I think that people certainly in my experience in the last three to five months, I would say, are really grateful in when people come together as a group, there's definitely much more appreciation for that now. Matt May: Yes. It's not just, well, we're going to a sales meeting. It's oh my gosh. We're going to a sales meeting live and in person. Steve Rush: [Laugh] and therefore there's something deeply intrinsic that you refer to as that kind of cradling. That is a, also a very real metaphor for us wanting connection with people, isn't it? Matt May: Yeah. And when we're in face to face, at least in my experience. Observe people being more organically involved, right. When you have a computer screen behind you, how many times have we seen somebody looking down and we say, oh, well, he or she's checking text messages right now, or, you know, or, oh, oh, he's reading his email, we can tell. You're not as engaged because you have so many more distractions and there's no real accountability either. Steve Rush: That's right. Matt May: And I don't use that as a negative term. I use it as a positive term, even to ourselves, we're just not accountable because we have so many other things right in front of us on that fancy screen, that when you take that away and what's in front of you is an actual face. Oh my gosh. Okay. I'm totally engaged with you right now. Steve Rush: Well, fingers crossed for wherever anybody is listening to us in the world. They're going to get back to some level of connection and normality pretty soon, anyway. Matt May: Yes, I hope so. Steve Rush: So, this part of the show, Matt, is where we start to turn the tables, you've learned lots of different teams and had lots of different leadership experiences over your career. And I'm keen to really hack into those now. So, what I'm going to ask you to do, if you can, is try and think of all of those experiences and just distill them down to your top three leadership hacks. What would they be? Matt May: One is to utilize people's strengths and not only participants, but also staff and facilitators, right. In an office setting, in an assembly line, in a factory, whatever. We hire people based upon their qualifications and skills. So, let's do the same thing in a fun atmosphere. Now, again, this is going back to what I said before. Maybe let people get outside of their comfort zone, but at least for me with staff, I always want to find the right staff person, not only the experience, but the client. Steve Rush: Right. Matt May: What's the demographic of the client who is going to work best with that demographic? So that's one. Utilizing people's skills and strengths. My catch phrase is regress to kindergarten. Take off the sport coat, take off the tie, take off the high heels, whatever you're wearing. You're in a safe space. Nobody's judging you, if they are, judge them right back, because they're probably doing the exact same thing. It's not going to go anywhere. It's kind of like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. What happens in this room stays in this because if you don't have those inhibitions, you're going to organically be in a much better place to give of yourself for your team and the experience. And the third leadership hack. Geez, I would say. It's really kind of, my new catch phrase is, take the fear out of team building, which is the title of the book. And that is, let's give people experiences where at the end of it, they say, okay, so my goal is, when you see me walk in six months from now, you're not going to go, oh, that team building guy. Hopefully say, Ooh, what are we doing today? Or at the very least say, all right, let's see what he is got out of his sleeve today. Let's see how it compares to last time. Steve Rush: Mm-Hmm. There must have been some magical experiences you've had over your careers. If you could just maybe call one out. The most fun, extravagant experience that you've had with a group or, an individual in a group, what would that be? Matt May: It's hard to pinpoint one. And I can't remember the exact number. I facilitated a military care pack program. This is probably seven years ago or more. Those always get me. I'm a big supporter of the U.S. Military. And I know you're over in Europe, but I'm a big supporter of people who put their lives on hold to make our lives better. Steve Rush: Absolutely. Matt May: That is very important to me. So military care pack programs always hit me pretty, pretty tough. They hit me hard in a good way. Also, when you see a kid who is part of a boys and girls club or whatever, come into a room and they don't know why they're there. And then all of a sudden there are 12, 24, 50, bikes, and they're then told these are going to your organization. The look of huh, on their face is just amazing. And little ones are just, I don't have kids. I'm too old to start at this point, but boy, some of the things they do and say they just melt my heart and make me just crack up [laugh]. Steve Rush: Makes it all worthwhile, right? Matt May: Exactly. I'm always appreciative for that. Steve Rush: Well, the next part of the show we call it Hack to Attack. So, this is typically where something hasn't worked out for you. Maybe been pretty catastrophic, could have screwed up, but as a result of it, you've learned, and it's now a force of good in your life or work, what would be your Hack to Attack? Matt May: [Laugh] be careful what papers you sign to be quite honest. Steve Rush: [laugh] yeah. Matt May: Really and be careful with whom you go into business and protect yourself because you're the only anyone that's going to protect yourself. And I don't want to sound cold and snarky, but it's true. You can be a wonderful person and be very giving and loving and generous and still protect yourself. Steve Rush: Yes, you can. Matt May: And that's the business side of me, careful what you sign and know who you're getting into bed with proverbially. Steve Rush: Yeah. You're not the first guest mine you to have said that over the two years or so, we've been running the show. We must have at least half a dozen of our guests have, you know, some really similar circumstances where the greatest trusted relationships have gone wrong because of one piece of paper. Matt May: Exactly, exactly. And it's bad that happens. But it's the reality of the world we live in. Steve Rush: Certainly is. Now the last thing we're going to do is you get to go and give yourself some advice at 21. So, if that time travel happened now. You stood right in front of Matt. He's 21, you're in front of him. What's your advice? Matt May: Probably to embrace the opportunities that you're presented with wholly, don't be fearful of them. Again, hindsight is 2020. The older I get; I do subscribe more to the philosophy of everything happens for a reason. And for whatever reason right now, this is where you're supposed to be. And it may not be the happiest of circumstances, but what do you need to do to not only get through this but thrive beyond it and learn from it. Steve Rush: Great advice. Matt May: That would be my two words. It's okay. Steve Rush: Hmm. Love it. So, what's next for you and the team? Matt May: Well, we are very excited to be getting back to face-to-face experiences. Really trying to provide those to people who are ready. I hope more and more people continue to be ready and jump on this. My hope is that now, companies who are allowing people or have just made the decision to, we're not going to own real estate or rent real estate anymore, because we know work from home, works for us. Great. That money that you're saving, bring your people together. At least twice a year, quarterly is better. Have an all hands. Even if it's just lunch, an address from the CEO and a team building experience where people get to play and work together, hands on, do it. It's more important now than ever. My dream would be that it becomes instilled in everyone's minds that this is as important as ordering copy paper. Steve Rush: Right. DNA and the fabric of an organization should have all of those experiences to really exploit some of those unlearned or unobserved behaviors that you talked about earlier, right? Matt May: Exactly. Steve Rush: Yeah. So, when folks have listened into this Matt, where's the best place for us to send them so they can bump into some of the work and maybe get a copy of the book? Matt May: The best place is the website, which is premierteambuilding.com. It's premier as in like number one without the E at the end of it. But if you do happen to put it in, it'll direct you to the correct place. There's a contact form there. There's a links to Amazon where the book is. All of our social media links are there. You can follow us there. I love to travel personally. So, we do programs throughout the U.S., Canada, Mexico, abroad. I'd love to get over to the UK at some point. So more than happy to do that for anyone who's listening over there. Steve Rush: Course of action. Yeah, exactly. Well, Matt, listen, I've love chatting to you and you know, there's no surprise that you've been a success in the business that you're in and the energy and focus you bring to it. So, I just want to say thank you and we'll make sure all of those links are in our show notes. So, when folks have listened as well. They can dive straight over, but thanks for being on the show. Matt May: Thank you, Steve. Closing Steve Rush: I want to sign off by saying thank you to you for joining us on the show too. We recognize without you, there is no show. So please continue to share, subscribe, and like, and continue to get in touch with us with the great new stories that we share every week. And so that we can continue to bring you great stories. Please make sure you give us a five-star review where you can and share this podcast with your friends, your teams, and communities. You want to find us on social media. You can find us on Facebook and Twitter @leadershiphacker, Leadership Hacker on YouTube and on Instagram, the_leadership_hacker and if that wasn't enough, you can also find us on our website leadership-hacker.com. Tune into next episode to find out what great hacks and stories are coming your way. That's me signing off. I'm Steve Rush, and I've been your Leadership Hacker.  

What if we are missing a transformational opportunity to rethink the experience of space by only “checking the boxes” on accessibility standards? In Episode 12, we take a deep dive into the etymology of “normal” and discuss how this term has propped up power structures that have continued to limit how marginalized bodies experience space.  We feature Adobe's Head of Inclusive Design, Matt May, along with Design Teacher and Activist, Joshua Halstead, and EVP/Design Futurist at Sandow, AJ Paron. Tune in as we discuss how the built environment can go “beyond access” to embrace equity and support differences.Joshua's Book - Extra Bold: A Feminist, Inclusive, Anti-Racist, Nonbinary Field Guide for Graphic Designers

He is arguably our most famous guest. You know and love him from his frequent appearances on local sports talk radio and who could forget his bid to be Mayor of Independence. Today, we're joined by a man that has a solid 10 out 10 Brother Rating to Break Down the 2022 NFL Draft. Sure that was the stated topic, but Razor Raymond does what he wants, so we covered amongst other things Zack Grienike, Hunter Dozier, Bulldog Bob Browne, Ric Flair, Dan Saleamua, Jared Allen, Ray's Relationship with the Rock, Advice he has bestowed upon Vincent Kennedy McMahon, his love for Damon Amendolara and Nick Wright formerly of 610 Sports, and we end the show with a special birthday "Raymeo" to great friend of the show Matt May. The most fun we've had recording one of these in a long time. Enjoy!

287: Ask David, Featuring Matt May, MD: Acceptance. Irritating Questions. And More! Today, Rhonda, Matt and David answer several challenging questions submitted by fans like you. William asks: How would the TEAM-CBT model look with an addiction or a habit like procrastination? Robin asks: What's the difference between a habit and an addiction? Edwin asks: What's the best treatment for internet surfing? It feels like my actions operate below the level of consciousness! Matt asks: What's the full list of questions that David finds irritating? Matt also asks: How do we help patients who don't “get” the Acceptance Paradox? Phil asks: Hey David, Rhonda and Mark, Can't thank you enough for all your hard work and effort! Where do you guys get all your energy?! Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1: William asks: “How would the T.E.A.M. model look with addiction and procrastination?” I have a question about your recent podcast on weight loss with Dr. Angela Krumm. She is doing a great job … but did not need any help from others. About the T = Testing part of TEAM, you could say that Angela had lost her kilo's. But I am not recognizing the testing in the form of a depression / anxiety test or something alike. With the E = Empathy part, it is even more strange. Where is the Empathy section? How would the T.E.A.M. model look with addiction and procrastination? Anyway, I assume you can't expect that addiction and procrastination issues will be solved in a single therapy session? I realize that Dr. Burns empathized in the podcast, but then the ‘work' already was done. Thanks a lot, William David's reply Thanks, William, for your thoughtful questions. I will probably make this an Ask David, but here's the short answer. Yes, empathy must always come first. As you point out, Angela was simply discussing the methods she used for weight loss. This was not a live therapy session. And yes, in therapy sessions I always start with T = Testing, but often add the Temptations Scale as well. And yes, procrastination can usually be cured in a single (two-hour for me) session, and sometimes addictions too, but severe addictions might need ongoing support, as with AA for example. Rhonda and I did a free two-hour workshop on Habits and Addictions on January 26th, 2022, sponsored by PESI. To view it, you can click on the link and download the entire video. Then you can watch it locally on your devise. On the bottom of my homepage on www.feelinggood.com, you'll find an offer for two free unpublished chapters on habits and addictions. D 2: Robin asks: What's the difference between a habit and an addiction? No email, just the question. David's reply You could check with a dictionary. I think Shakespeare said that a rose by any other name is still a rose! Technically, an addiction is associated with physiologic dependence and withdrawal symptoms during discontinuation. But once again, if “yearning” is a withdrawal symptoms, then habits, too, could be seen as addictions of sorts. You might also think of habits and addictions as two points on a continuum, with addictions being on the more severe side of the bell-shaped normal distribution curve. But all these definitions are, to some extent, arbitrary. Does “alcoholism” exist? Or just people who are drinking excessively? 3: Edwin asks: What's the best treatment for internet surfing? It feels like my actions operate below the level of consciousness! Dr. Burns, I am a huge fan of your books and podcast, and I enjoyed your talk today on Habits and Addictions as well as your “Feeling Great” bonus chapter on the same. I struggle with a habit of internet surfing (news, social media, etc.) when I'm avoiding boring or unpleasant tasks at work. Do you feel that motivational and cognitive techniques are sufficient for addressing this habit when it often feels like my actions operate below the level of consciousness? For example, I often start surfing the internet before I even consciously realize what I'm doing! Additionally, I've found stimulus control to be difficult for this habit given that I work on the computer all day. Any advice on addressing this particular habit, or similar ones, would be much appreciated. Thank you for all of your work helping people! Edwin David's reply Check out the free chapter(s) offer at bottom of my homepage. Read, do then exercises, then you can ask your question. Also, it depends on how far “below consciousness” your habit is. If it is only a couple inches below, you should be fine! D 4: Matt asks: What is the full list of questions that David finds irritating? David's reply Good question. Most of the time, I really appreciate the comments and questions from our many fans around the world, but there are, in fact, some questions that I find irritating. This may not be the “full list,” but these are some questions that could use, perhaps, a bit of fine tuning! Some people ask vague, “help me” questions, and like “I've always struggled with anxiety. What should I do?” There are two problems with this question. First, I spent most of my life answering this question with inexpensive paperback books, free podcasts, free anxiety and depression classes on my website, and more. So, I don't want to have to repeat all of that for this or any person who writes to me. Perhaps you can tell me which resources you've already tried, and where you're stuck, specifically. Sometimes, I list the resources, like the “Search” function on every page of my website, www.feelinggood.com, or the list of books there, or the list of podcasts, with links, or the free classes, and more. In addition, those of you who are familiar with my work understand that I never try to help anyone on a “general” level. I can only help you at a specific moment in time. When was it? Where you when you felt anxious, or whatever? What was going on? What were you thinking and feeling at the moment? Record it on a Daily Mood Log, and highlight the Negative Thought you can't successfully challenge. What are the distortions in that thought? Then I can give you all kinds of help! Perhaps in a future Ask David I can list some more types of problematic questions. Thanks! But while we're at it, here's another. Sometimes, people will ask a question that was answered 40 years ago, and ever since, as if they've come up with something new. In addition, if they ask questions with a kind of “gotcha” arrogance, I sometimes feel annoyed. Here's an example. People sometimes say, “Oh, I can see that my negative thought is irrational, but it still upsets me. That shows that cognitive therapy doesn't actually work!” Here's what I'm thinking when I hear that: “Aren't you special! My goodness, no one ever thought of that before!” In fact, you may be able to identify some of the distortions in your negative thought, but you DON'T see that it's “irrational.” You STILL BELIEVE IT! I'll say it again. Let's say you're trying to challenge a Negative Thought on your Daily Mood Log, like, “I'm a failure” or “I'm defective,” and you believe that thought 100%. Obviously, you'll feel pretty bad. There are two requirements for an effective Positive thought: It must be 100% true. It must drastically reduce your belief in the Negative Thought, perhaps all the way to 0%. The very moment you stop believing the Negative Thought, your feelings will instantly change. This is not “easy,” like so many people seem to think. That's why I've developed more than 100 methods for challenging distorted thoughts. You won't need them all, and perhaps you'll only need a few, but it's great to have so much firepower available to relieve people of the suffering they experience from feelings of depression, panic, guilt, shame, inadequacy, loneliness, hopelessness, anger, and more. I have wondered if it would be helpful to have a place on my website where I could give the instructions for asking really good Ask David questions. Then I could require people to read it prior to submitting questions. 5: Matt also asks: How do we help patients who don't “get” the Acceptance Paradox? I have a question about one moment in time, the actual moment of recovery. I'd like to better understand what's happening, in that moment, and why some folks, especially those with hopelessness and a strong desire to 'be better' get stuck at the brink, during 'externalization of resistance', for example, and respond in ways like, 'I'd love to accept myself, I just don't know how' and 'it's too hard to accept myself.' I have felt frustrated with clients when they say this and find it challenging to disarm. I feel tempted to disagree and argue that it's far 'harder' to criticize ourselves than to simply *not* do that. I will think, 'it's hard to put down the whip? It's hard to lower the bar? wouldn't it be harder to continue to carry the whip and keep the bar raised?'. I can see how disagreeing and arguing, here, risk empathy and agenda-setting errors. I suspect my resistance has to do with not wanting to collude with the patient's hopelessness/avoidance. I then wonder, perhaps getting hypnotized, whether there is some real difficulty, other than resistance, that I'm not understanding. I am entering these conversations with a set of assumptions, which may be incorrect, regarding what is happening in the moment of recovery: My assumptions are that the cognitive and motivational models are correct and that self-criticism, and the desire to criticize oneself (high-standards) are what result in low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. Hence, to make the transition from depressed to recovered, the process would start with approving of our depressed self. Putting this another way, we can't recover, before we recover ... so in the actual moment of recovery, we will be accepting our self-critical, depressed 'self', flaws-and-all, including the 'flaw' of being self-critical. Positive Reframing and successfully 'talking back' to our resistance catalyzes this change and allows us to use methods like, 'Acceptance Paradox' successfully, leading to elimination of worthless feelings, in that moment. Anything either of you would disagree with, there? If so, when a patient says, 'I want to accept myself, I just don't know how' or 'it's just too hard to accept myself', especially coupled with, 'I don't have resistance, I just can't do it', what is the best response? Thanks, Matt David's reply The word “acceptance” has no set meaning, so I would want to start by asking the patient what they think “acceptance” is—what is it that they think they can't or don't want to do? Also, what time of day did you want to accept yourself, and what were you doing at that moment. What were you thinking and feeling, and who were you interacting with? What did they say and what did you say next? Interpersonal acceptance means accepting your role in a conflict, using the Relationship Journal, instead of blaming the other person. I am thinking of making a list on the various “types” of acceptance, and what methods we can use to enable each type. Acceptance might be different for depression vs anxiety vs a relationship problem vs habits and addictions, and recovery from each is associated with one of the four Great Deaths of the “self.” For example, emotional acceptance has to do with seeing the positives in all of your negative emotions, fairly easily accomplished via Positive Reframing. Specific Acceptance has to do with moving from Overgeneralizations and Labels (e.g. “I'm a failure”) to the specific: what, exactly, did I fail at? Then you can accept that specific failure and make a plan for change if you want. Then you can have Existential Acceptance, where you accept that you are a “failure” or a “worthless human being” on a general level, and this can be accomplished with Let's Define Terms as well a sense of humor. You can also do two CBAs on the Adv and DiSalvo of Self-Acceptance vs Self-Condemnation. You can also use the Double Standard / Paradoxical Double Standard. What would you recommend to someone else with self-critical or self-condemning thoughts? And what does their Double Standard say about them that's positive and awesome? Just some rambling thoughts! Another solution has to do with recognizing the nonsensical nature of the notion of the “self.: Fabrice says the magic mushroom therapy helps with this, as you finally “see” that the idea of the “self” is just a kind of illusion. I'm just babbling. This can be a vexing problem for sure. The buddha had little luck on it 2500 years ago, as his followers couldn't “get it” either. Let's add this to our Q and A list? Finally, role reversal in Ext of Voices can often help, and also “seeing” someone else discover self-acceptance in a group setting can help, too. I learned it from my cat Obie. Neither of us weas “special,” but we sure had fun hanging out! The six months I spent taking 20 hrs a week of table tennis lessons helped too. I improved but remained sucky compared to the pros, but it was tremendous fun trying! Does any of this make sense or help? David 6: Philoma asks: Hey David, Rhonda and Mark, Can't thank you enough for all your hard work and effort! Where do you guys get all your energy?! David's reply For me, I get excited about what I'm doing. Also, when I do my "slogging" (= slow jogging), which I hate, I have learned just to try to go about 20 feet at a time, like seeing if I can make it to that tree. This helps a lot. Also, I am very lucky to be doing mainly things I totally love and find exciting. That helps enormously. Finally, I am surrounded by people who are very positive and supportive, which makes things non-burdensome. Conflict can be fatiguing! Good relationships can be energizing. And oh, I forgot the main key to energy. One big cup of coffee in the morning! Warmly, david Phil's reply to David: Words of wisdom, for sure! Happy slogging and all the best for a great 2022! Thanks for listening and reading today! Rhonda, Matt, and David

What is the first thing you think of when you hear (or read) “team building”? For those who are naturally active and/or outgoing, team building is often welcomed with open arms; however, for those who are introverted, and/or less athletically inclined, it's often a cause of hesitation, fear, and anxiety. Matt May joins me to explain how team building is more than zip lining, trust falls, and slide show presentations. After several years producing and facilitating corporate team building programs for a variety of companies, Matt recognized that there was an alternate way to provide individuals and corporations with engaging, interactive experiences. As a result, he created Premier Team Building & Interactive Experiences™, delivering programs nation-wide, and abroad. As the company's president, he's responsible for the design & development of its interactive experiences, overseeing the production and facilitation of these programs, customer support, and staff training. Matt is also the author of Take The Fear Out Of Team Building. If you are a small business owner or salesperson who struggles with getting the sales results you are looking for, get your copy of Succeed Without Selling today. If you haven't seen all Audible.com has to offer, you don't know what you're missing. Sign up for a free trial at audibletrial.com/businessgrowth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matt, Veda, and Chris discuss how Matt and Veda have incorporated accessibility and inclusion into one of the world's most well-known design systems, Spectrum. Matt shares his experience getting accessibility principles into Spectrum on the ground floor, and Veda discusses how inclusion fits into design systems.Guests: Matt May is the Head of Inclusive Design at Adobe. His work includes integrating inclusive design practices across every aspect of the Adobe user experience, training and mentoring the Adobe Design team, and advocating principles of accessibility and inclusive design to the public at large. You can find Matt on Twitter as @mattmay and on LinkedIn.Veda Rosier is the Principal Product Manager, Design Systems at Adobe. She ​​is an experienced product manager with a strong bias towards action, and a self-directed expert in defining business needs and feasible solutions to support strategic goals. Veda is committed to utilizing best practices to build excellent products while remaining flexible and sensitive to the maturity and resources of the organization. You can find Veda on Twitter as @VedaRosier and LinkedIn.Host: Chris Strahl is co-founder and CEO of Knapsack, host of @TheDSPod, DnD DM, and occasional river guide. You can find Chris on Twitter as @chrisstrahl and on LinkedIn.Sponsor: Knapsack is a design system platform rooted in code for shipping consistent apps in half the time. Design once, build once, use everywhere. Learn more at knapsack.cloud.View the transcript for this episode.

Nick Day is joined on The HR L&D Podcast sofa by Matt May, Founder of Premier Team Building & Interactive Experiences™, who offer collaborative programs that design & develop team building and interactive experiences for businesses.Matt May, author of the book “Take the Fear Out of Team Building" designs & develops team building and interactive experiences for businesses and he is a lead facilitator of employee engagement/team-building experiences. As a team-building expert, Matt has delivered team experiences to clients worldwide. In this episode, Matt discussed how to remove the fear and anxiety that is associated with creating and delivering team building based initiatives.Coming from a theatrical background, Matt is also the co-author and producer of the award-winning theatrical musical comedy DIEGO & DREW SAY I DO.So, if you are already working in a leadership role or indeed if you aspire to secure a leadership role in the future, this is an episode you are going to enjoy!In this “Taking the Fear out of Team Building” episode with Matt May on The HR L&D Podcast, we also explore:What does the work Human Resources mean to you?When hear the word “team building” it comes accompanied with fear or trepidation, especially for people who may be introverted! Why is this?Can you tell us what positive team building experiences entail?How does an HR leader remove fear and anxiety around both the words, and acts, of team building?What can an HR Leader do to ensure that when they are tasked with a team building experience or task that they do so with an event that results in a productive and beneficial team building experience?Is competition a good thing when it comes to team building?Why is good team building beneficial?How does one customize a team building experience, rather than “one size fits all”?How does one make team building FUN?Links highlighted in this “Taking the Fear out of Team Building” episode are included below:Email: Matt@PremierTeamBuilding.comWebsite: https://www.premierteambuilding.com/aboutBook: HEREMatt's LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattmayptbFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/PremierTeamBuildingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/PremierTeamBuildingTwitter:

All around talent with the best in the world.  Kerry Tolzmann competed at a high level in three event, barefoot, and show skiing.  He had a long, storied career at Tommy Bartlett and ran a ski school in central Wisconsin for nearly 20 years called Ski Decorah.  He set records in three event and barefoot, and show skied at several professional shows.  And he's a phenomenal story teller. People named Skip Gilkerson, Matt May, Mark Jackson, Brian Jackson, Brett Wing, Tom Diehl, Tommy Bartlett, Kristen Block, David Rezin, and his brothers Grant Tolzmann and Mike Tolzmann are all mentioned in this podcast.  Kerry is a hall of famer and he's a delight to talk to.  In this episode we also talk about the Team USA application process and what the show directors are looking for as they build the team.  Today's sponsor is FlymanSkis - making custom made jump skis and featherboard swivel skis at affordable prices.  Get yours at flymanskis.com.