Podcast appearances and mentions of sheila wray gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire is an author, podcaster, and researcher into evangelicalism and sex. The founder of BareMarriage.com, together with her team she has surveyed over 32,000 people for her books The Great Sex Rescue, She Deserves Better and her latest book, The Marriage You Want. Her goal is to change the evangelical conversation about sex to be healthy, evidence-based, and rooted in Christ. She's married Dr. Keith Gregoire who is a physician and coauthor with Sheila of The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex, companion to her award-winning The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex. Third time on the Worthy pod: Episode 58 in 2021 and Episode 129 in 2022. Today we'll be discussing her book: "The Marriage You Want: Moving Beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health" Become a Patreon Supporter

This Deep Dive series is all about why motherhood is so gosh darn hard. Turns out there are sociopolitical forces at play that make motherhood way harder than it needs to be. Listen to the full playlist on Spotify. When we explain to our partners and families that we need them to pitch in around the house, we sometimes hear back that the real problem is our too-high standards. That if we actually think "doing the laundry" means FOLDING the laundry, instead of leaving it in the dryer, that that is just too high a bar. Eve Rodsky, author of FAIR PLAY, suggests that partners establish a "minimum standard of care" for household duties. But how does that get set? And is that really all it takes? In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: How to use "community standards" to determine minimum standards of care The tired old idea that women have impossible standards Why it might be your system that's the problem and not your partner Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sheila Wray Gregoire for Bare Marriage: EMOTIONAL LABOR SERIES: HOW DO WE DECIDE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE? Listen to our Fresh Take with Eve Rodsky Eve Rodsky's FAIR PLAY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 Leslie Goldman for The Cut: The Marriages Hanging On by a $19 Deck of Cards Buy Lyz Lenz's book THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid's behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The more of the Four Eden Marriage Steps we take the better our expectations for a successful and blessed marriage. Some people skip one or more - or even all - of these steps. How is that working out today? Bruce C. E. Fleming takes us back to the text of Eden from Genesis chapters 1-3. He noticed the first of these four steps while living the the Congo where multiple wives and even kidnap marriage was practiced. The Tru316 Foundation (www.Tru316.com) is the home of The Eden Podcast with Bruce C. E. Fleming where we “true” the verse of Genesis 3:16. The Tru316 Message is that “God didn't curse Eve (or Adam) or limit woman in any way.” Once Genesis 3:16 is made clear the other passages on women and men become clear too. You are encouraged to access the episodes of Seasons 1-11 of The Eden Podcast for teaching on the seven key passages on women and men. Are you a reader? We invite you to get from Amazon the four books by Bruce C. E. Fleming in The Eden Book Series (Tru316.com/trubooks). Would you like to support the work of the Tru316 Foundation? You can become a Tru Partner here: www.Tru316.com/partner

Welcome to another episode of Restoring the Soul with Michael John Cusick. Today, Michael sits down with returning guest Sheila Wray Gregoire to dive into her latest book, The Marriage You Want: Moving Beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health.Sheila, known for her groundbreaking research and no-nonsense approach to Christian marriage resources, unpacks the myths, harmful teachings, and outdated stereotypes that have often taken root in Christian culture. Together, she and Michael explore new, peer-reviewed data on what actually leads to thriving, satisfying marriages—and what doesn't. They discuss topics ranging from cognitive load and mental labor in relationships to partnership, decision-making, friendship, equality, and sexual fulfillment, challenging traditional teachings and offering practical, research-backed advice for couples seeking genuine intimacy and unity.Whether you're struggling in your marriage, eager to move beyond unhelpful stereotypes, or just want to learn what healthy, scripturally grounded love can really look like, you'll walk away from this rich conversation with hope, insight, and actionable wisdom.Plus, Sheila shares the heart behind her platform BareMarriage.com, and Michael highlights the importance of curiosity, partnership, and looking for “good fruit” in all aspects of marriage. Support the showENGAGE THE RESTORING THE SOUL PODCAST:- Follow us on YouTube - Tweet us at @michaeljcusick and @PodcastRTS- Like us on Facebook- Follow us on Instagram & Twitter- Follow Michael on Twitter- Email us at info@restoringthesoul.com Thanks for listening!

In this episode we're joined by Sheila Wray Gregoire, who is a speaker, author of several books, and manager of the podcast and website, BareMarriage.com. She's also the author (along with her husband, Keith) of the book that we're discussing on this episode: The Marriage You Want: Moving Beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health (published by Baker). Over the course of our conversation we talk about the importance of data and peer-reviewed information for marriage advice books, which are sorely lacking in the Christian market. Along the way we dispel many myths perpetuated by other speakers and books in this space. Team members on the episode from The Two Cities include: Dr. John Anthony Dunne, Rev. Daniel Parham, and Dr. Logan Williams. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What determines marital satisfaction more than sex or money? What if "compromise" actually makes things worse? How do you create a marriage you love? Sheila Wray Gregoire unpacks the results of her latest research with thousands of married couples, calling out harmful evangelical teachings and sharing a surprising new data on what it takes to build the marriage you want.Buy Sheila's new book: The Marriage You Want: Moving beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional HealthSheila Wray Gregoire is the face behind BareMarriage.com as wellas a sought-after speaker and award-winning author of nine books. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila is passionate about changingthe evangelical conversation about sex and marriage to make it healthy,evidence-based, and biblical. She and her husband, Keith, live in Ontario,Canada.Learn more at BareMarriage.com.More books by Sheila Wray Gregoire (paid links):The Marriage You WantThe Good Guy's Guide To Great SexThe Good Girl's Guide To Great SexThe Great Sex RescueShe Deserves BetterSupport the showTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

 Ever play the game "Two Truths and a Lie"? (A person makes three statements, and you guess which two are factual and which one is false.) Well, we get to play that game today on our episode with my guests Sheila Wray Gregoire and her husband Keith (return guests to the Get Your Marriage On Podcast). The Gregoires completed extensive research, surveying thousands of Christian couples, and recently published their findings in a new book called The Marriage You Want. I've read this book and I think it's really well done, so I invited the Gregoires onto the podcast to share it with you. We talk about a lot of topics: sexual intimacy (of course), finances, sharing the mental load, and more. I hope you walk away from this episode with a few new insights and fresh ideas to improve intimacy and connection in your own marriage. And if you'd like a little extra help, myself and my team would love to meet with you and coach with you in our Get Your Marriage On Program. And as always, don't forget to check out the Intimately Us app. Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Today we're talking about marriage - specifically, how Christian marriages might be missing the mark. I'm sitting down with Sheila Gregoire, a researcher who's spent years studying what actually makes relationships work. And here's something interesting: the biggest threat to marital satisfaction isn't what most people think. It's not sex or money - it's housework. Sheila isn't just another marriage author. She's surveyed 7,000 people to understand the dynamics of healthy relationships. Her work challenges a lot of the traditional evangelical advice that's been circulating for decades - advice that often creates more distance than connection. We're going to explore how Christian marriage books have sometimes gotten it wrong. How messages about leadership, submission, and roles can actually harm the very relationships they're trying to protect. We'll talk about what real partnership looks like, how couples can communicate better, and what it means to truly see each other. This conversation is about reimagining marriage - not as a power structure, but as a genuine partnership that reflects mutual respect and love. So if you're curious about building a healthier relationship, or if you're tired of the same old marriage advice, this episode is for you.Sheila Wray Gregoire is the face behind BareMarriage.com as well as a sought-after speaker and an award-winning author of nine books, including The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila is passionate about changing the evangelical conversation about sex and marriage to make it healthy, evidence-based, and biblical. She and her husband, Keith, live in Ontario, Canada, near their two adult daughters and three grandbabies. Sheila also knits. Even in line at the grocery store.Sheila's Book:The Marriage You WantSheila's Recommendations:The Deep Rooted MarriageBecoming the Pastor's WifeSubscribe to Our Substack: Shifting CultureConnect with Joshua: jjohnson@allnations.usGo to www.shiftingculturepodcast.com to interact and donate. Every donation helps to produce more podcasts for you to enjoy.Follow on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Threads, Bluesky or YouTubeConsider Giving to the podcast and to the ministry that my wife and I do around the world. Just click on the support the show link belowShifting Culture Productions Support the show

Sheila Wray Gregoire is back...for the third time (making SWE history)! A speaker, author, and podcast host, Sheila challenges outdated ideas and offers fresh, research-backed perspectives on what makes a marriage truly thrive. She's here to chat about her new book, The Marriage You Want: Moving Beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health. We also tackle: Gender stereotypes—why they persist and how to break free Entitlement in marriage—what it looks like and how to shift the mindset The division of household labor—because it should be about sharing the load The mental load—who's really carrying it, and why it matters If you've ever questioned the pervasive myths about what makes a happy marriage, this episode is for you! The Marriage You Want Bare Marriage  Sheila's Podcast Sheila on Episode 110 Sheila on Episode 55 Follow Sheila on IG → @sheilagregoire  Follow SWE on IG → @so.what.else  Follow Kaitlin on IG → @kaitlingraceelliott  SWE Website

We all want a marriage that feels like home. We long for a partner who is there for us through all of life's challenges and griefs, who is in on all our inside jokes, who delights in the family we've built together, who looks with hope toward the future with a shared faith and an arm firmly around our shoulders. But how do we get there? What actually works in the real world and honors the picture of marriage found in Scripture?Based on the findings of their meticulous research, Sheila Wray Gregoire and Dr. Keith Gregoire dispel the pervasive myths about what makes a happy marriage. Rather than relying on gender stereotypes, they look at what actually creates intimacy, emotional health, and connection, asking deeper questions that lead to real healing and growth in your relationship with your spouse.With enlightening stories, survey results, and practical tools, this book will help readers create a marriage they love. And with the evidence-based, Scripture-honoring advice in this book, that just may be closer than you imagine. Today, Dr. Stephanie talks with Sheila & Keith about the new book The Marriage You Want, and Dr. Stephanie adds in some of the neurodiverse lens.Dr. Stephanie asks Sheila & Dr. Keith:What did you find about the marriage triangle (God at the top and husband and wife on the bottom) and how that triangle can get skewed?You open a chapter with the controversial statement, "You should not prioritize sex in marriage." Talk a bit more about that as authors of books on healthy sexual marital relationships.What is the unfairness threshold?How does a couple grow intimacy?Do Christian books empower men or make them seem fragile and needy?Dr. Stephanie will do a course based on the new book this summer! Join now!https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/contact-usAbout our Guests:Sheila Wray Gregoire is the face behind BareMarriage.com as well as a sought-after speaker and an award-winning author of 9 books, including the Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better. Sheila is passionate about changing the evangelical conversation about sex and marriage to make it healthy, evidence-based, and biblical.Dr. Keith Gregoire is a physician and coauthor with Sheila on The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex, a companion to Sheila's award-winning The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex.The couple lives in Ontario, Canada.Find out more at: https://baremarriage.com/

Sheila Wray Gregoire is back...for the third time (making SWE history)! A speaker, author, and podcast host, Sheila challenges outdated ideas and offers fresh, research-backed perspectives on what makes a marriage truly thrive. She's here to chat about her new book, The Marriage You Want: Moving Beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health. We also tackle: Gender stereotypes—why they persist and how to break free Entitlement in marriage—what it looks like and how to shift the mindset The division of household labor—because it should be about sharing the load The mental load—who's really carrying it, and why it matters If you've ever questioned the pervasive myths about what makes a happy marriage, this episode is for you! The Marriage You Want Bare Marriage  Sheila's Podcast Sheila on Episode 110 Sheila on Episode 55 Follow Sheila on IG → @sheilagregoire  Follow SWE on IG → @so.what.else  Follow Kaitlin on IG → @kaitlingraceelliott  SWE Website

I met Mark Gauthier at our VIP lunch on Tru316 Day 2025 in Orlando. He is Vice President and US National Director of Cru. What a delightful brother in the Lord! At that same table was Dr. Jennifer Holloran, President/CEO of American Bible Society, and former COO of Wycliffe Bible Translators USA. Later that day she gave the Keynote Address. My wife, Dr. Joy Fleming and I, and the Tru316 Foundation team, had gathered that day to honor Judy Douglass with the presentation of the 2025 Tru316 Medallion Award for her lifetime of ministry, especially in encouraging women and men around the world to energetically use the gifts God has given to each one. This episode of The Eden Podcast, and the ones to come, we will present highlights from our Celebration held in the Bill Bright Strategy Center at the Headquarters of Campus Crusade for Christ/Cru. We are grateful for their hosting us and for the Jesus Video Staff for recording the event! Special thanks to Judy, Diane, Andrea, Sam, Mimi, April and more! This was our annual fundraiser and awareness event! You can give now by making a gift as the Lord leads! Go to Tru316.com/donate The Tru316 Foundation (www.Tru316.com) is the home of The Eden Podcast with Bruce C. E. Fleming where we “true” the verse of Genesis 3:16. The Tru316 Message is that “God didn't curse Eve (or Adam) or limit woman in any way.” Once Genesis 3:16 is made clear the other passages on women and men become clear too. You are encouraged to access the episodes of Seasons 1-11 of The Eden Podcast for teaching on the seven key passages on women and men. Are you a reader? We invite you to get from Amazon the four books by Bruce C. E. Fleming in The Eden Book Series (Tru316.com/trubooks). Would you like to support the work of the Tru316 Foundation? You can become a Tru Partner here: www.Tru316.com/partner

In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Alison talks with Sheila Wray Gregoire, groundbreaking author of The Great Sex Rescue. They confront harmful misconceptions about sexual intimacy within Christian marriages, amplifying the often-overlooked voices of women. Sheila shares powerful insights drawn from her extensive research involving over 20,000 Christian women, challenging damaging narratives and revealing startling truths about sexual satisfaction, obligation, and intimacy. You'll learn: * The 4 harmful teachings that negatively impact sexual intimacy * Why “sex as obligation” is so destructive for women * How to reframe your sex story with your spouse * Practical steps toward recovering true intimacy Sheila's compassionate yet bold approach offers hope, clarity, and practical wisdom for those longing to rewrite their sexual stories, reclaiming God's true design for intimacy. Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here. Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 125: Recovering From Purity Culture: Dismantle the Myths, Reject Shame-Based Sexuality, and Move Forward in Your Faith with Dr. Camden Morgante Episode 126: Restoring Wonder & Play in Intimacy—Navigating Sexual Brokenness, Safety, and Vulnerability with Therapist Sam Jolman Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order. Go to birchliving.com/bestofyou for 20% off sitewide. Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Contact www.restoringthesoul.com and learn how their Intensive Counseling Process can jump start your journey to the place you want to be. As a special gift for The Best of You podcast listeners, visit www.restoringthesoul.com/bestofyou to download "5 Ways Unresolved Trauma May Be Derailing Your Relationship." Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy spring (2025), Brave Marriage listeners! Dropping into your podcast feed for a timely interview with Dr. Keith & Sheila Wray Gregoire on their new book, The Marriage You Want. Their matched pair survey revealed: -healthy habits for married couples-the importance of sharing mental load -the effect of entitlement on mindset and marriage Pre-order their book on Amazon or order through Baker Books for a 30% discount!

Dive into my recommended online intimacy courses for Christian marriages!   Episode 237 // Happy Valentine's Day! I thought today that I'd share my favorite tip from 10+ years as a marriage counselor. It's not complicated (though, simple things aren't always easy things) and it will make a BIG difference in a happy marriage!   Communication + intimacy are closely tied together - and that's part of what makes this tip so powerful.    If you want more support with intimacy in your Christian marriage, I recommend these online courses from Sheila Wray Gregoire.    If you want to strengthen communication, try my 40-Day devotional Communicating to Connect or start with my free conflict resolution cheat sheet.   Take a look at my most popular blogpost, with 9 hot tips for Christian intimacy!   Let's dive into today's short and sweet tip - so you can get back to enjoying your Valentine's Day!   hugs & blessings, Jess   RESOURCES FOR YOU   FREE: Grab your FREE conflict resolution cheat sheet to help your marriage communication today.   DEVOTIONAL: Strengthen marriage communication as you dive into the 40-day devotional Communicating To Connect for Christian wives.   GET MORE & SUPPORT THE SHOW   NEW in our Patreon community this year - daily(ish) devotionals to encourage your faith and family life: Support the show on Patreon today.   Please leave a 5-star review and share the link to this episode with a friend who needs encouragement today!   FIND EXACTLY THE RESOURCE YOU NEED: Faith | Marriage | Parenting | Emotions | Communication | Home & Family | Freebies | Devotionals | Blog | Pinterest   DISCLAIMERS    I am a licensed therapist in South Carolina, but this podcast is not therapy. I may use affiliate links and earn a small commission if you purchase through my links. Read my full disclaimers here.   MISSION   Love Your People Well is all about helping you ENJOY family life as you build healthy, happy, and holy family relationships. Keep Jesus at the center of it all and joy at the center of your days.   Find your resources, devotionals, and more support at www.LoveYourPeopleWell.com

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"Greg & Stacey got to meet and talk with a couple we've wanted to know for a long time... a couple offering hope for men and women harmed by toxic messages.Sheila Wray Gregoire has been a writer and blogger for many years. But in 2021, with the release of The Great Sex Rescue (which she co-authored with Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky), she became an "infamous" name in evangelical Christian circles. The book calls out by name Christian books and authors whose messages contribute to harm within marriages and to individuals.Along with her husband, Dr. Keith Gregoire, Sheila continues to promote the message that God intended men and women to experience incredible sexual intimacy in their marriages, and to provide resources to help people identify and heal from damaging messages they've always heard.Their latest book, The Marriage You Want: Moving Beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health, releases March 11, 2025.#sheilawraygregoire #keithgregoire #thegreatsexrescue #themarriageyouwant #baremarriage #sexualintimacy #greatsex #gospel #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #connection #conversationSheila's website: Bare MarriageSheila on InstagramSheila & Keith's (and co-authors') books on AmazonVideo Course: The Whole Story: "The Talk" for Parents and KidsAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"Follow the show to make sure you don't miss out on our conversation with Sheila Wray Gregoire, host of the Bare Marriage podcast and author of several books including The Great Sex Rescue, and her husband Dr. Keith Gregoire, co-author of The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex, and their upcoming book The Marriage You Want: Moving Beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health which releases in March 2025.Episode 30 | Sheila Wray Gregoire & Keith Gregoire: First Do No Harm will be available Tuesday, February 4th!Awaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

Boost your marriage intimacy with these great Christian online resources from Sheila Wray Gregoire!    Find biblical help for your marriage communication with Communicating To Connect: A 4-Day Devotional For Christian Wives.   Episode 230 // Whether it's an official new year goal or not, I know that you want a happy marriage! The marriage relationship is a HUGE part of family life. And there is a lot that you can do to make it stronger, deeper, and happier this year.    Today, we'll focus on the big 3. The top things that I've seen over my 10+ years as a marriage therapist to have a big impact on a happy marriage. In fact, these are things you can strengthen all by yourself, and experience great blessing in your marriage!   Ready, friend? Let's strengthen our marriage relationships today!   hugs & blessings, Jess   RESOURCES FOR YOU   FREE Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet   DEVOTIONAL for marriage communication: Communicating To Connect: A 4-Day Devotional For Christian Wives.   Enjoy marriage intimacy more with these great Christian online resources from Sheila Wray Gregoire!    Find all my marriage resources right here: www.LoveYourPeopleWell.com/marriage/    LISTEN NEXT: 5 Steps For How To Forgive And Forget In A Christian Marriage (Episode 213)   GET MORE & SUPPORT THE SHOW   NEW in our Patreon community this year - daily(ish) devotionals to encourage your faith and family life: Support the show on Patreon today.   Please leave a 5-star review and share the link to this episode with a friend who needs encouragement today!   FIND EXACTLY THE RESOURCE YOU NEED: Faith | Marriage | Parenting | Emotions | Communication | Home & Family | Freebies | Devotionals | Blog | Pinterest   DISCLAIMERS    I am a licensed therapist in South Carolina, but this podcast is not therapy. I may use affiliate links and earn a small commission if you purchase through my links. Read my full disclaimers here.   MISSION   Love Your People Well is all about helping you ENJOY family life as you build healthy, happy, and holy family relationships. Keep Jesus at the center of it all and joy at the center of your days.   Find your resources, devotionals, and more support at www.LoveYourPeopleWell.com

Navigating healthy relationships with teens can feel overwhelming, especially in a culture full of conflicting messages about identity and sexuality. In this episode, we explore how to raise kids with a biblically grounded and holistic view of sexuality. Drawing from Sheila Wray Gregoire's new book, She Deserves Better, this conversation offers practical tools and transformative insights for parents, youth leaders, and anyone invested in guiding the next generation. Whether you're teaching boundaries, addressing purity culture's impact, or fostering open and respectful conversations, this episode equips you to build healthier relationships and a stronger foundation of faith. Perfect for parents, mentors, and anyone committed to shaping a future of integrity and connection, this discussion encourages you to approach these challenges with wisdom and grace. Resources:Full Episode on YoutubeShe Deserves BetterSheila's Website GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter)

Ep Resources:Mental Health/PsychologyParenting from the Inside Out by Dan Siegel and Mary HartzellOn Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David KesslerShe Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna SawatskyWorthy by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Eric Schumacher (this is the book I couldn't remember in the podcast!)The Body Keeps the Score by Bessell van der KolkRedeeming Power by Diane LangbergSet Boundaries, Find Peace and Drama Free by Nedra Glover Tawwab (These also have workbooks sold separately)Deconstruction/ReconstructionJesus and John Wayne by Kristen Kobez du MezThe Making of Biblical Womanhood by Beth Allison BarrThe Bible vs. Biblical Womanhood by Philip PayneUntwisting Scriptures series by Rebecca DavisGaslighted by God by Tiffany Yecke BrooksSupport the Show.

Our Guest today is a phenomenal woman ready to change the trajectory that the evangelical churches teach about sex in marriage. This conversation is very interesting. To connect with Sheila: https://baremarriage.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@SheilaWrayGregoire/videos To purchase G'Ades Books: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Mrs+Gloria+Ade-Gold+Lawrence&i=stripbooks&crid=U0O7Q3CTO4PQ&refresh=1&sprefix=mrs+gloria+ade-gold+lawrence%2Cstripbooks%2C283&ref=glow_cls

The positive message of Eden? It is time to spread the good news to our children and youth beginning with the launch of The Eden Schoolhouse Network (ESN). Local churches and concerned individuals are stepping up to make a difference! Would you like to see an Eden Family Schoolhouse, with Tru316 inside, be established in your area? If so, contact Bruce@Tru316.com. Many ministries are spreading the positive message of John 3:16, of salvation by faith, through their publications and outreach programs. Now it is time to focus on spreading the positive message of Genesis 3:16 too! To launch an Eden Family Schoolhouse we are looking for like-minded churches and individuals. Do you have two rooms (one for 12 children for K-2 and the other for 12 more children for 3-4) available during the daytime hours of the week? Let's talk! Email us today. Bruce@Tru316.com. Don't assume others will do it. Do it yourself. We're looking for God to raise up volunteer teams composed of prayer team coordinators, family recruiters and more.Joy Fleming, PhD, PsyD, and Rev. Bruce C. E. Fleming, DEA, have been involved in the successful startup and development of a graduate seminary overseas and a discipleship Christian high school in the United States. They are co-founders of the Tru316 Foundation (Tru316.com), which is a 501(c)(3) private operating foundation headquartered in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Contact us today about how you can help raise up an Eden Family Schoolhouse! For an information package, contact Bruce@Tru316.com.  The Tru316 Foundation (www.Tru316.com) is the home of The Eden Podcast with Bruce C. E. Fleming where we “true” the verse of Genesis 3:16. The Tru316 Message is that “God didn't curse Eve (or Adam) or limit woman in any way.” Once Genesis 3:16 is made clear the other passages on women and men become clear too. You are encouraged to access the episodes of Seasons 1-11 of The Eden Podcast for teaching on the seven key passages on women and men. Are you a reader? We invite you to get from Amazon the four books by Bruce C. E. Fleming in The Eden Book Series (Tru316.com/trubooks). Would you like to support the work of the Tru316 Foundation? You can become a Tru Partner here: www.Tru316.com/partner

This Postmodern Realities episode is a conversation with JOURNAL author Anne Kennedy about her online article, “How Traditional Are Tradwives: Evaluating the Social Media Movement”.  This is also part of an ongoing column entitled, “Theological Trends”. Coming Soon!Other recent articles and podcasts by this author:Episode 389: Fear, Loathing, and Deconverting from the White Evangelical Church: A Review of ‘The Exvangelicals by Sarah McCammon“Fear, Loathing, and Deconverting from the White Evangelical Church: A Review of ‘The Exvangelicals' by Sarah McCammon”Episode 386 Can a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding? Alistair Begg and the Bad PhariseeCan a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding? Alistair Begg and the Bad PhariseeEpisode 379 Enough For What? A Review of Scot McKnight's ‘The Bible is Not Enough'Enough For What? A Review of Scot McKnight's ‘The Bible is Not Enough'Episode 374 Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?Episode 370 Sheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical GirlSheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical Girl

It's a Man's World, but should it be? Join author Sheila Wray Gregoire and Instagram/TikTok influencer April Ajoy to discuss how we can empower women to escape the Patriarchy and discover true freedom.If you want to call in to the Bonus Show, leave a voicemail at (530) 332-8020. We would love to get to your calls!LINKSQuoirCast on PatreonQuoirCast on PatheosPANELSheila Wray GregoireApril Ajoy

When we explain to our partners and families that we need them to pitch in around the house, we sometimes hear back that the real problem is our too-high standards. That if we actually think "doing the laundry" means FOLDING the laundry, instead of leaving it in the dryer, that that is just too high a bar. Eve Rodsky, author of FAIR PLAY, suggests that partners establish a "minimum standard of care" for household duties. But how does that get set? And is that really all it takes? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: How to use "community standards" to determine minimum standards of care The tired old idea that women have impossible standards Why it might be your system that's the problem, and not your partner Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sheila Wray Gregoire for Bare Marriage: EMOTIONAL LABOR SERIES: HOW DO WE DECIDE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE? Listen to our Fresh Take with Eve Rodsky Eve Rodsky's FAIR PLAY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 Leslie Goldman for The Cut: The Marriages Hanging On by a $19 Deck of Cards Buy Lyz Lenz's book THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid's behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sarah McCammon's The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church uses relevant anecdotes from her evangelical childhood and skillfully weaves her story together with sociological data and interviews of former evangelicals. Her conclusion is definitive. American evangelicalism actually causes harm.Tragically, McCammon ends the book not only having denied the existence of Hell, and the need for the gospel, but of the resurrection of the dead. The entire contents of the Christian faith discarded, she hopes that she will be able, one day, to peacefully. As McCammon acknowledges, it is not exceptional to find people who have left the faith of their childhood. One new feature of deconstruction facing evangelicals today, however, is the preponderance of “trauma” narratives. Evangelicalism, according to McCammon, isn't just wrong-headed or untrue. It is harmful. It is an abiding consolation we read about the disappointments and judgments of those who have walked away, that our Lord Jesus, as He stood on trial before an earthly ruler who would condemn Him to death, insisted that the Truth—He in Himself—would be the salvation of all who believe.This Postmodern Realities episode is a conversation with JOURNAL author Anne Kennedy  about her online article, “Fear, Loathing, and Deconverting from the White Evangelical Church: A Review of ‘The Exvangelicals' by Sarah McCammon”  This is also part of an ongoing column entitled, “Theological Trends”. https://www.equip.org/articles/fear-loathing-and-deconverting-from-the-white-evangelical-church-a-review-of-the-exvangelicals-by-sarah-mccammon/Other recent articles and podcast with this author:Episode 386 Can a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding? Alistair Begg and the Bad PhariseeCan a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding? Alistair Begg and the Bad PhariseeEpisode 379 Enough For What? A Review of Scot McKnight's ‘The Bible is Not Enough'Enough For What? A Review of Scot McKnight's ‘The Bible is Not Enough'Episode 374 Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?Episode 370 Sheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical GirlSheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical Girl

"When you have a child with special needs, your marriage is much more likely to be stressed. This is demonstrated by the numbers: Surveys show that the rate of divorce in families with a child with disabilities may be as high as 87%. The divorce rate in families with a child with autism is about 80%.." _Divorce and Special Needs Children | Psychology Today. "If the learning curve about autism is not shared, the divide can start here. Or it can start when the child doesn't run up to daddy when he walks through the door at the end of the day. The mother feels guilty that she has done something wrong. Maybe dad feels rejected. Is this the cause for divorce? Or is it that the spouses already do not have an effective communication and commitment in place? Is one partner less committed to the marriage to begin with? Maybe someone read that autism causes divorce and the message deteriorates the confidence and strength we actually need in our relationships? These are but some of the questions that need to be asked prior to assuming that autism is the reason for higher divorce rates." - A Single Mom's View of Autism Divorce Rates — THINKING PERSON'S GUIDE TO AUTISM (thinkingautismguide.com). "The percentages of black marriages ending in divorce for the survey respondents was 47.9%. Again, this was the highest among the respondents. Next, was the Hispanic category at 45.5% of first marriages ending in divorce. Last, we have the All Other with the lowest percentage of first marriages ending in divorce. The percentage for “All Others” was 43.7%."-8 Important Black Marriage and Divorce Metrics - Black Statistics. "Black women divorce at a higher rate (38.9%) than women of any other race." -Divorce Rate in America: 50+ Divorce Statistics [Updated 2024]. "Don't Pass Judgment It's easy to come in from the outside and judge another person's parenting choices, and single mothers often face scrutiny for having children outside of a traditional married couple.5 This behavior will not be welcomed or healthy for your relationship. Instead of passing judgment, do your best to acknowledge that being a single parent is very difficult, and try to view their choices and lifestyle from a place of helpfulness, compassion, restraint, and curiosity." _ Tips for Dating a Single Mom (verywellmind.com). "But single Christians make up a large proportion of Christians, especially in their twenties and thirties. And single women are disproportionately represented, since women outnumber men in the church already. One of the big reasons single women are often ostracized is that they are viewed as threats to men. Men can't look at single women because they have to “bounce their eyes” so they don't stray. Jesus didn't act that way. Jesus didn't ignore women or avoid women. Jesus sat in situations that would be socially unacceptable because He wanted people to see that He valued women as people–not as sexual commodities. He didn't see them as threats to Him. He saw them as valuable individuals." -by Sheila Wray Gregoire. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support

Often, couples are too uncomfortable to ask their pastor or marriage counselor about how to build your love life in marriage in the areas of not just building attraction and desire and also how to successfully approach orgasm. Improving your sexual intimacy together in the bedroom takes not only surmising but also tips that begins outside of the bedroom as well as here, researched literal performance tips as well so you can understand a healthy sexual response cycle in marriage. Today, Christa walks you through some of the most important tips for building intimacy and enjoying mutually pleasurable sex in your marriage. This is a very important episode for your marriage. For more life-giving relationship-building tips, make sure you grab Christa's book right here! Watch on YouTube here! Find more relationship tips overall here! www.enneagramandmarriage.com and for more sexual tips. Research from Sheila Wray Gregoire's book, The Good Girl (and Guys) Guide to Sex Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Postmodern Realities episode is a conversation with JOURNAL author Anne Kennedy  about her online  article, “Can a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding? Alistair Begg and the Bad Pharisee”. Coming Soon!This is an online  article from the Christian Research Journal. This is also part of an ongoing column entitled, “Theological Trends”.It also a Viewpoint article. Viewpoint articles address relevant contemporary issues in discernment and apologetics from a particular perspective that is usually not shared by all Christians, with the intended result that Christians' thinking on that issue will be stimulated and enhanced (whether or not people end up agreeing with the author's opinion).Other related articles:Should Christians Attend Same-Sex Weddings? PRO – CONOther recent articles and podcast with this author:Episode 379 Enough For What? A Review of Scot McKnight's ‘The Bible is Not Enough'Enough For What? A Review of Scot McKnight's ‘The Bible is Not Enough'Episode 374 Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?Episode 370 Sheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical GirlSheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical Girl

This Postmodern Realities episode is a conversation with JOURNAL author Anne Kennedy her article “Enough For What? A Review of Scot McKnight's The Bible is Not Enough” which is part of the ongoing column entitled, “Theological Trends”. https://www.equip.org/articles/enough-for-what-a-review-of-scot-mcknights-the-bible-is-not-enough/ Other recent articles and Postmodern Realities podcasts featuring this author:Episode 374 Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?Episode 370 Sheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical GirlSheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical GirlEpisode 353 Women and the Genderless Jesus A Review of ‘Women and the Gender of God' by Amy PeelerWomen and the Genderless Jesus — A Review of ‘Women and the Gender of God' by Amy PeelerEpisode 343 A Review of Beautiful Union by Joshua Ryan ButlerThe Upside-Down Metaphor: A Hermeneutical Critique of Josh Butler's ‘Beautiful Union'

Marriage is an amazing gift. And yet, it can reveal a lot of our weaknesses, vulnerabilities and our growth edges. Today we talk with Chris Bruno about the most common struggles for marriages today and how we can fulfill our greatest desires for deep connection, to be known, and to truly know one another within our marriages.   Chris Bruno is a licensed professional counselor and the founder and CEO of ReStory Counseling and Restoration Project. He, along with Tracy Johnson, are the marriage experts of Thrive Marriage Lab, ReStory Marriage Intensives, and co-hosts of the Thrive Marriage Podcast. He is a colleague of authors, speakers, and counselors like Dr. Dan Allender of The Allender Center, Dr. Curt Thompson of The Anatomy of the Soul, Sheila Wray Gregoire of The Great Sex Rescue, and Milan and Kay Yerkovitch of How We Love. His goal is to help couples stay married and love being married. His team has helped hundreds of couples explore their story, and come to understand and care for one another more deeply.   To connect with Chris Bruno, go to: Website - https://www.restory.life/ Facebook - www.facebook.com/ReStory.Life Instagram - @storyrestored   To find Thrive Marriage Lab go to: Website - https://www.restory.life/thrive Instagram - @ThriveMarriageLab Youtube - @ThriveMarriageLab   FREE 12 Months of Dates - How date nights can lead to connection.  Subscribe here - www.restory.life/thrive-dates   How healthy is your marriage?  Take our FREE marriage assessment here: https://www.restory.life/marriage-assessment   =======================   We LOVE that you've decided to join us this week for the Living Wholehearted Podcast. We hope you enjoyed the conversation, tips, and resources to help you transform every relationship that matters most to you. If you think this will help someone you know, make sure you send it their way or share on socials. Tag us @living_wholehearted and @terramattson! Don't forget to FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE so you don't miss an episode and help spread the word by leaving us some stars on a review. Thanks for partnering with us to help more leaders, just like you, who want to live and lead with integrity at home, work and in the community.  Go to livingwholehearted.com and sign up to receive our free leadership tips and updates delivered to you in our monthly newsletter.    Don't forget our unique Wholehearted Leadership Cohort opportunities. Applications are open for the next one-year and two-year cohorts. In fact, the Cohort experience might be the very thing that helps you see long-term shifts in your leadership at work and at home. We'd love to come alongside you! Learn more and apply today at www.livingwholehearted.com/cohort.   And, if you're a girl mom, check out mycourageousgirls.com.     Until next time, be the leader you would follow!   Grateful for you, Jeff & Terra   To connect with Jeff & Terra Mattson and Living Wholehearted, go to:   INSTAGRAM @TerraMattson @Living_Wholehearted @MyCourageousGirls   FACEBOOK @WeAreLivingWholehearted @MyCourageousGirls   WEBSITES LivingWholehearted.com TerraMattson.com  MyCourageousGirls.com   RESOURCES Shrinking the Integrity Gap        https://davidccook.org/shrinking-integrity-gap-book/       https://www.livingwholehearted.com/store/books Shrinking the Integrity Gap e-Course        https://www.livingwholehearted.com/e-courses Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace       https://www.livingwholehearted.com/store/books Dear Mattsons        https://www.christianparenting.org/dearmattsons/ Helping Moms Raise Confident Daughters        http://cpguides.org   =======================   The Living Wholehearted Podcast is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual advice to help you grow into the parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org  

Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is one of the most popular women's bible study books used in churches across North America. But what does the book actually teach about marriage? About sex? About divorce and abuse? It's scary, and today Gretchen Baskerville and Natalie Hoffman join host Sheila Wray Gregoire to analyze the harmful messages in Lies Women Believe.Things Mentioned in the Podcast:Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work https://patreon.com/baremarriageOr, for tax deductible donations in the U.S., support our Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation: https://secure.qgiv.com/for/goodfruitsDownload our One Sheet on Lies Women Believe: https://baremarriage.com/podcast-problems-lies-women-believe-nancy-demoss-wolgemuthNatalie's Podcast Flying Free, and her website https://flyingfreenow.comNatalie Hoffman's book Is It Me: Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage https://baremarriage.com/the-orgasm-course/Gretchen Baskerville's site The Lifesaving Divorce: https://lifesavingdivorce.com/Gretchen Baskerville's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorceGretchen's book The Lifesaving Divorce: https://amzn.to/3Sywly8Our podcast on The Power of  Praying Wife (featuring Gretchen): https://baremarriage.com/2023/06/podcast-the-problems-with-power-of-a-praying-wife/Our podcast telling Natalie's story: https://baremarriage.com/2022/09/podcast-how-christian-marriage-books-set-up-for-failure-with-natalie-hoffman/Our book She Deserves Better, which deals with Nancy Leigh DeMoss' book Lies Young Women Believe: https://baremarriage.com/she-deserves-better/

The 2-week, 6-session Tru School Workshops take us through the Garden of Eden and related passages on women and men! Mimi is our Workshop coordinator. Here is Part 1 of her story!Go deeper? Click Tru316.com/workshop! The Tru316 Foundation (www.Tru316.com) is the home of The Eden Podcast with Bruce C. E. Fleming where we “true” the verse of Genesis 3:16. The Tru316 Message is that “God didn't curse Eve (or Adam) or limit woman in any way.” Once Genesis 3:16 is made clear the other passages on women and men become clear too. You are encouraged to access the episodes of Seasons 1-11 of The Eden Podcast for teaching on the seven key passages on women and men. Are you a reader? We invite you to get from Amazon the four books by Bruce C. E. Fleming in The Eden Book Series (Tru316.com/trubooks). Would you like to support the work of the Tru316 Foundation? You can become a Tru Partner here: www.Tru316.com/partner

This Postmodern Realities episode is a conversation with JOURNAL author Anne Kennedy about the first in a new and ongoing column entitled, “Theological Trends”. Covered in this first column is “Did Pope Francis Authorize Priests to Bless Same-Sex Couples?”. https://www.equip.org/articles/did-pope-francis-authorize-priests-to-bless-same-sex-couples/Other recent articles and Postmodern Realities podcasts featuring this author:Episode 370 Sheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical GirlSheila Wray Gregoire, Sex and The Evangelical GirlEpisode 353 Women and the Genderless Jesus A Review of ‘Women and the Gender of God' by Amy PeelerWomen and the Genderless Jesus — A Review of ‘Women and the Gender of God' by Amy PeelerEpisode 343 A Review of Beautiful Union by Joshua Ryan ButlerThe Upside-Down Metaphor: A Hermeneutical Critique of Josh Butler's ‘Beautiful Union'

Guest Bios Show Transcript https://youtu.be/hteO426dZ6cMen need sex. And it's their wives' job to give it to them—unconditionally, whenever they want it, or these husbands will come under Satanic attack. Stunningly, that's the message contained in many Christian marriage books. Yet, research shows that instead of increasing intimacy in marriages, messages like these are promoting abuse. In this edition of The Roys Report, featuring a talk from our recent Restore Conference, author Sheila Wray Gregoire provides eye-opening insights based on her and her team's extensive research on evangelicalism and sex. Out of a desire for evangelicals' conversations about sex to be healthy, evidence-based, and rooted in Christ, Sheila and her team have analyzed many popular Christian books on sex. Many teach that men are incapable of not objectifying women. And instead of training men to control their urges, these books teach that women must save these men. If a husband struggles with porn, for example, it's his wife's job to give him more sex so he can go cold turkey. If a husband is abusive to his wife, it's his wife's job to pray the abuse away. And if you're a single woman, it's your job to dress in such a way that your body never “intoxicates” a man.With messages like these, is it any wonder that abuse victims often feel like it's their fault if someone hurts them? Is it any wonder that pastors like John MacArthur can convince wives that it's her duty to stay with a man who abuses her and their children? As Sheila explains, the patterns of abuse we're seeing in the church today are a symptom of these toxic evangelical teachings. And to solve the problem of abuse, we need to analyze and challenge these unbiblical teachings. Guests Sheila Wray Gregoire Sheila Wray Gregoire is an author, podcaster, and researcher into evangelicalism and sex. Her goal through Bare Marriage, a popular podcast and ministry, is to change the evangelical conversation about sex to be healthy, evidence-based, and rooted in Christ. She lives in Ontario, Canada, with her husband. They have two adult daughters and two grandbabies. Learn more at BareMarriage.com. Show Transcript SPEAKERSJulie Roys, SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE Julie Roys  00:05Men need sex and it’s their wives job to give it to them unconditionally whenever they want it, or these husbands will come under satanic attack. Stunningly, that’s the message contained in many Christian marriage books. Yet research shows that instead of increasing intimacy and marriages, messages like these are promoting abuse. Welcome to The Roys Report, a podcast dedicated to reporting the truth and restoring the church. I’m Julie Roys, and what you’re about to hear is an eye-opening talk by Sheila Ray Gregoire at our latest RESTORE conference. Sheila is an author and podcaster who’s done extensive research on evangelicalism and sex. And what she’s discovered is that many evangelical books teach an unbiblical message that men are incapable of not objectifying women. And instead of training men to control their urges, these books teach that women must save these men. If a husband struggles with porn, for example, it’s his wife’s job to give him more sex so he can go cold turkey. If a husband is abusive to his wife, it’s his wife’s job to pray the abuse away. And if you’re a single woman, it’s your job to dress in such a way that your body never intoxicates a man with messages like these. Is it any wonder that abuse victims often feel like it’s their fault if someone hurts them? Is it any wonder that pastors like John MacArthur can convince wives that it’s their duty to stay with a man that abuses them and their children? As Sheila explains in this important talk, the abuse that’s rampant in the church is just a symptom of this toxic teaching so prevalent in evangelicalism. And unless we address this false teaching, we’ll never solve the problem of abuse. So, I’m very excited to share Sheila’s eye-opening talk with you.   Julie Roys  01:57 But first, I want to thank the sponsors of this podcast, Judson University, and Marquardt of Barrington. If you’re looking for a top ranked Christian University, providing a caring community and an excellent college experience. Judson University is for you. Judson is located on 90 acres just 40 miles west of Chicago in Elgin, Illinois. The school offers more than 60 majors, great leadership opportunities, and strong financial aid. Plus, you can take classes online as well as in person. Judson University is shaping lives that shaped the world. For more information, just go toJUDSONU.EDU. Also, if you’re looking for a quality new or used car, I highly recommend my friends at Marquardt of Barrington. Marquardt is a Buick GMC dealership where you can expect honesty, integrity, and transparency. That’s because the owners there Dan and Kurt Marquardt, are men of integrity. To check them out. Just go to BUYACAR123.COM.   Julie Roys  03:02 Well, again, you’re about to hear a talk by Sheila Gregoire on how evangelical teachings on sex promote abuse. Sheila is the founder of BAREMARRIAGE.COM. She’s also the author of several popular books, including The Great Sex Rescue, and She Deserves Better. Sheila’s goal is to change the evangelical conversation about sex to be healthy, evidence based and rooted in Christ. And so, I’m so excited to share this message that Sheila gave at the RESTORE conference.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  03:32 It was a Friday afternoon in January of 2019, and I was sitting on my yellow chair in my living room trying to figure out how to procrastinate. I had a migraine, and I didn’t want to work, and so I was on Twitter. And I was reading a conversation between some women arguing whether or not they needed love or respect. And I thought, well, I’m a woman and I need respect. And so, I started chiming in and we were getting all spicy. And then I thought, I have that book. And I had never read it. So, Love and Respect, written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, who got his PhD from somewhere, I don’t know. Anyway, it’s based on the idea that women need love. and men need respect. Oh, actually, no, it’s not. The subtitle is, the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs. So, she has desires, and he has desperate needs. But I realized I have that book and I’ve never read it. And so, I thought this is a great way to procrastinate. So, I went, and I got it, and I opened to the sex chapter because I’m kind of the sex lady and that’s what I do. It was only about 12 pages long. And that was when the nuclear bomb went off in my living room. Because I read to my horror, if your husband is typical, he has a need you don’t have, and that need is for physical release. So, if he doesn’t get physical release, he will come under satanic attack. And through that chapter, he keeps referring to sex as a man’s physical release. There was not a single word about intimacy. There was not a single word about women feeling pleasure, too.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  04:07 So, I called my team, and we freaked out a bit. And we decided to write a post on our blog about the way that the book handled sex. And that post got so many eyeballs that we spent a whole week on love and respect. And over that week, we had email upon email, and comment upon comment about how that book had enabled abuse in their marriage. Working with me, was a young woman in her late 20s at the time, who has a master’s in epidemiology and is the statistician, but she was home with her baby. And so, she was just working remotely part time for me. And she said, you know what we should do Sheila? we should create a mixed-methods, qualitative analysis of the comments, and we should send it into Focus on the Family, who publishes the book, because maybe they don’t know. Maybe they don’t realize how harmful this is. And so, over the next few weeks, Joanna proceeded to do that. And we sent it to Focus. I knew Jim Daly; I had been on Focus on the Family several times. And we sent a nice letter about how harmful the book had been. And we never heard back. And so, Joanne said to me, “You know what I should do? I should go back and get my PhD so that I could do a study of how messages in the evangelical church are hurting women’s marital and sexual satisfaction. And I said, Joanna, I bet I could get a publisher to pay us to do it. And that is what we did.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  06:59 Until that day, I had never actually read another Christian book on sex and marriage. I mostly just wrote my own stuff. I was really scared of plagiarizing. But then we decided that we needed to open our eyes and see what was really going on. So, we surveyed 20,000 women for our book, The Great Sex Rescue. It’s the largest study of evangelical women’s marital and sexual satisfaction that’s ever been done. Did any of you take that study? Were any of you in mind, thank you. I know that was like half an hour of your life you can’t get back. I appreciate it very, very much. We’re doing a new survey that will be out in about two weeks. So, if you follow me, we will be putting out soon we will have a great need for people to take that one as well. But we surveyed 20,000 women measuring how various evangelical messages affected their marital and sexual satisfaction. And what we found was that there was four big messages in the church that really hurt women. And these messages are not biblical. They’re not from Jesus. They are what we have decided, as a church collectively are true. And we’ve done great harm with them.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  08:20 And so those messages are a woman is obligated to give her husband sex when he wants it. 39% of women that we surveyed entered marriage believing that. All men struggle with lust, it’s every man’s battle. A woman should have frequent sex with her husband to keep him from watching pornography. And boys will push your sexual boundaries and so girls need to be the gatekeeper. The sum total of those messages does great harm. These were all widely taught, widely believed and hugely destructive. We also did a survey of 3000 men a year later, and guess what? The same messages hurt men’s marriages too. These are universally bad. And yet, when we took a look at 13 of evangelicalism’s bestselling sex and marriage books, these are everywhere. There were only three books that we looked at, that actually scored well on our rubric, the vast majority of them of the books that we looked at scored in the harmful category, including Love and Respect, which scored zero out of 48, literally. Even Every Man’s Battle did better, it got nine. Last year, we did a survey as Julie was telling you of another 7000 evangelical women, this time looking at how messages that we give to teenage girls, end up hurting girls long term. And the same messages that we studied before? Yep, they do harm, but we added some new ones, like the modesty message. When we tell girls, you need to be careful what you wear so that you don’t cause one of your brothers to stumble. Well, that makes her feel like her body is a threat to her. Because by no fault of her own, he could look at her and have these bad thoughts. And then because he can’t control himself, he could end up hurting her. And so that message makes us feel like our bodies actually cause ourselves to be put into harm.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  10:42 Research shows that far too many of our common relationship teachings in evangelical culture are hurting us. And I have been trying to sound the alarm on this. And while those in this room are likely to hear it, the powers that be often don’t. This has become a grassroots movement, which I think tends to be the way that Jesus works. He doesn’t tend to talk to the churches, the big places, the big people in power. He sets up 12 disciples and all of the women that were traveling with him, and they go, and they set the world on fire. And that’s what we found in the reception to our books, which are actually selling quite well, is that people want to hear this, even if the powers that be won’t talk about it.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  11:38 We have painted men in the church as being created by God, to not be able to do anything but objectify women, which by extension, means that it is women’s responsibilities to save men. And then we’ve somehow managed to sell the message that this is the way that God intended it. So let me give you a few quotes. And I want to do a big trigger warning here, and I’m quite serious about this is that some of you, it might be good to step out of the room. All I’m going to be doing is reading you things from our bestsellers, but they’re not pretty. And so, if you feel like you need to step out of the room, now would be a good time. But let me tell you what Every Man’s Battle said. If you’re looking for the reason for sexual sin among men, we got there naturally, simply by being male. The same authors repeat, men just don’t naturally have that Christian view of sex. So, I guess women were created with more of the Holy Spirit than men, I don’t know. And how then, are men supposed to quit lusting and watching porn? Well, they have the solution. The book, the original edition of the book, told women when he stops cold turkey be like a merciful vial of methadone for him. It explains that well before when you were lusting, you may have been going to your wife for five bowls of sexual gratification a week. Now you’ll be going to her for 10. And she will be happy about this. I don’t know how you can write a book and know so many little about women, but nevertheless.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  13:37 So, think about that. We are the methadone for our husband’s sex addictions. And what is it that methadone does? Yeah, methadone is basically something which numbs you so that you don’t go after the thing you really want. And that’s how they raised a whole generation of boys and men to think of girls. That book series has sold 4 million copies. Or how about this? This Gary Thomas and Deborah Phyllida echoed their sentiment in their 2021 book Married Sex, where they encouraged women to send nude photos to their husbands so that neurologically his attention will be focused on her and not other women or porn. And they didn’t really ever talk about the problems of revenge porn, and they minimized any concerns that she may have about cementing an objectified view of women in porn. Even if it’s not about sex, we get the message in our best sellers that we’re just supposed to pray the abuse away. Women you have so much power over your man. Don’t you understand that? So, in Stormy Omartian’s book, Power of a Praying Wife, she has this quote, which is echoed throughout the book. You can submit to God in prayer whatever controls your husband, and she lists a number of things, including alcoholism, and abusiveness, and pray for him to be released from it. That book sold 10 million copies of women being told if he’s abusive, you can pray it away. You just need to pray more.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  15:27 I bet John MacArthur likes that one. I think the evangelical version of the gospel too often looks like this. Jesus saves women, so the women can save men. And it’s even in the little things. Last year, the Gospel Coalition put out an Instagram reel, where Ligon Duncan claimed that wives can’t expect their husbands to do risky things, unless their wives unconditionally respect their husbands first. And what are these risky things that a woman can’t expect her Christian husband to do? Pray, read the Bible, think about life from a Christian point of view. You cannot expect your husband to do these risky things that you by the way are already doing unless you first give him unconditional respect. This really quietly puts the wife in the leadership role, while having to pretend that it’s the husband who’s actually the one leading. Honestly, it’s like the bar is so low, it is in the basement, isn’t it? Over and over again, our evangelical teaching tells everybody that it is impossible to expect men to act honorably. Tim  LaHaye, in The Act of Marriage, told a story about Aunt Matilda, and he berates Aunt Matilda for telling her niece how terrible sex was just as her niece was getting married. But then he goes on to explain that on her wedding night, Aunt Matilda’s husband held her down kicking and screaming and raped her and continued to do this throughout the marriage. Then Tim LaHaye talks about Aunt Matilda, and her equally unhappy husband. He called the rapist equally unhappy as his rape victim. That book published by Zondervan has gone through four different editions, and nobody ever took out that anecdote. That sold two and a half million copies. His Needs/Her Needs, which I think has also sold two and a half million copies, has a line in there where a 32-year-old executive complains, I feel like I’m begging her or even raping her, but I can’t help it. I have to make love. And Willard Harley, the author uses that to explain that men just have a really high sex drive, and women need to understand that. And then, of course, there’s For Women Only. Shanti Feldon based her book supposedly on research. Which is why I think people have given these books more credence than they really need to have. I’m going to give you an example of her survey question, which has become fundamental in evangelicalism and for several different books. But Emerson Eggerichs actually based his book Love and Respect on the foundational survey question that Shanti used in her book For Women Only, which came out in the same year, 2004, as Love and Respect. So, Shanti asked, I think it was about 450 men, would you prefer to be alone and unloved or inadequate and disrespected? Okay? So, you could be alone and unloved or inadequate and disrespected. 72% of men said that they would prefer to be alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespected. And so, she took this to say that men want respect more than they want love. And that is what Emerson Eggerichs used to base his ideas on for Love and Respect.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  15:39 They never asked women; think about that. A whole doctrine of how men need respect and women need love. They never asked women. When other people, other survey people asked women the same question, 68% of women chose alone and unloved as well. There is no gender difference. But beyond that, okay, I’m just gonna get a little survey geeky with you for a sec here, okay? Alone and unloved, inadequate, and disrespected. That’s what’s called a double-barreled question where you don’t know whether they’re responding to alone or unloved or inadequate and disrespected. When my son in law looked at that, he said, well, the one that I would hate to be the most is inadequate, because alone unloved and disrespected are all how other people are treating me, inadequate is how I feel about myself. So, I would choose alone and unloved because I don’t want to feel inadequate, because inadequate and disrespected are not synonyms. That is the state of research that evangelicalism based a foundational doctrine, love, and respect, that we hear everywhere. And church, we simply have to do better. That’s not okay.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  21:32 Now, there are many other things and for women only that Shanti Felden, that I find quite problematic. But one of the worst is this line, when she’s talking about the need that men have to feel unconditional respect, she says, If you are wondering if you’ve crossed the disrespect line, watch for anger. So if you’re wondering if you’ve disrespected him, watch if he gets angry. So, your husband’s anger is a sign that you have done something wrong, rather than a red flag of a behavior problem or abuse. And again, her book series has also sold 2 million copies. The worst thing though, is that these messages are not just being given to adults, they’re also being given to children. And for our book, She Deserves Better, where we looked at the messages that were given to evangelical teen girls, we found horrific things that were said to girls as young as eight. And I would like to show you something from the Secret Keeper Girl curriculum by Dannah Gresh. Secret Keeper Girl became an event that was seen by about a million little girls and their moms around North America. It’s now called True Girl. So, they’ve rebranded but a lot of the messages are still the same. And in that curriculum, she encouraged girls to take the Raise and Praise test, okay. So, here’s what you do, you put your arms up in the air. And if any belly shows, that’s bad. And the reason is because bellies are intoxicating. Later in this curriculum, she has a conversation that mothers are supposed to have with their daughters to explain what this means. And you’re supposed to talk to your daughter and explain that to be intoxicated means like being under anesthetic or being drunk when you’re out of control. And God created our bodies to intoxicate men. But you are only supposed to intoxicate one man, your future husband, and so you need to make sure that you’re not intoxicating to anyone else. She told eight-year-old girls, that their bellies have the power to make adult men get out of control. And we did nothing about it. We took our little girls to these events, and they internalized this message. I could go on and on.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  24:40 Whether it’s sheet music by Kevin Lehman, telling women that it’s a good thing to have sex when you feel forced and want to shove him off of you. Or explaining that your period is a very difficult time for your husband. I’m not kidding. And so, it’s important to give him sexual favors during your period or when you’re postpartum so that he’s not tempted to watch porn. I can tell you about Every Man’s Battle, telling women that if your husband demands or coerces sex more than once a day, that’s a bad thing. So, there’s a quote, I guess that’s acceptable of coercion. I don’t know. The abusive messages and our evangelical resources are horrifying, and honestly, it seems endless.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  25:33 But the sum total of these teachings is that men are entitled to women’s bodies. Men deserve unconditional deference free from being challenged for any bad behavior. And men cannot be expected to act honorably, or even safely. So, when men do harm, it’s likely because some woman somewhere hasn’t done her job. It’s not hard to imagine how disastrous this can be. In a survey done by the Institute for Family Studies, about 27% of highly religious men who believe in complementarianism, or believe in male headship, claim that they have been violent with their current partner. Marital rape is more difficult to measure because it depends on the definition of marital rape. But from what we’ve seen in the literature, and in our own results, it looks like a rate of about 10% with a very narrow definition, to about 25% of evangelical marriages if you include things like obligation sex, which lead to trauma. So, this is what’s going on in the pews. One quarter of the women in our churches are currently victims of abuse. And a lot of that is caused by our messages which prop up and enable abuse.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  27:17 And it’s not only abuse. There’s also rates of sexual pain. This is one of our big research areas that we’re trying to dig down deep into. Because it’s been known for about 50 years in the literature that evangelical women suffer from sexual pain. Specifically, a sexual pain disorder called vaginismus, which is when the muscles of the vaginal wall contract and become really tight, so that penetration becomes really difficult, if not impossible. Even things like inserting tampons can become difficult or pelvic exams. And we’ve known evangelical women suffer from this at way higher rates than the general population. But what we haven’t known is why. And it was assumed that it’s just because well, they’re just ashamed of sex. That’s not actually what we found. We discovered two big things that are highly highly correlated with vaginismus. The first is the obligation sex message. So, when women enter marriage, believing in obligation sex, whether or not their husbands do, it's just what you have internalized, your chance of experiencing vaginismus increases to almost the same statistical effect as if you had been abused. Because our bodies interpret obligation sex as trauma. Because abuse says, you don’t matter, he gets to use you however you want. And so does obligation sex. The other big thing that’s correlated with it is the modesty message as a teenager. So, when a girl has internalized that she is at least partially responsible for keeping boys from sinning., she’s also far more likely to experience vaginismus. This is our problem. It’s not nice to talk about it, but this is our problem. We have an incidence rate of about 22.6% of evangelical women and in the broader population is closer to seven or eight. This is what we have done, and it’s largely because of what we have taught people.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  29:32 And that’s why I am so passionate about changing the way we talk about sex and marriage in the church. Because what we have done has had real world effects. It has caused abuse to rise. It has caused actual physical changes in our bodies. And there’s other research which has shown that it actually solidifies porn use and makes it much harder to stop. We need to talk about this in a different way. And what’s been so exciting to me as we have done our work is that people have told me again and again, that when they read our stuff, they start to recognize abuse in other places too. Like, once you start to see, oh, this isn’t okay, in one area, you see it everywhere. One woman told us that it’s like peeling an onion, you know, and you take off one layer. And then you see it again and again. Another woman said, you know, I read The Great Sex Rescue, and I recognized that there was some really abusive patterns in my marriage. And thank God, my husband saw it, too, and we’re on the road to recovery. But it wasn’t just that. I also in that same week, realized that my boss was sexually harassing me, and I stood up to him, and I reported him. And we left our church. Because when you see abuse in one area, you’re able to recognize it in others.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  31:19 This is gonna sound weird to say, I don’t actually care about sex that much. Like, I know, this is my whole life, and I know this is all I write about. I don’t actually care that much. You know what I care about? I care about people thriving. I care about emotional health and wholeness. I care about ending abuse. But there’s a lot of people that are doing that work of calling out abuse, and you know how hard it is to get people to listen to you. You know, it’s like banging your head on the wall, and they just don’t want to hear. And on the other side, there’s a lot of people addressing the theology of men and women in the church, and how harmful that theology has been to many women. And I can’t speak Greek, my husband reads the New Testament in Greek, but I don’t, you know, I can’t tackle it on that side. But you know, the one thing people like talking about? sex. Everybody wants to talk about sex. And so, this has been our way in. We’ve been able to open up that conversation about sex, so that people will listen. Even people who, maybe you’re normally in more fundamentalist spaces, because everybody wants good sex. And when you can tell them, hey, here’s the way forward, here’s what we need, here’s why women need to matter too. When they start to see it in that one area, then they’ll start to see it in others. And I think that’s where we can work together. You know, I know so many of you are recovering from church hurt, and you’re wondering where to go and how to move forward. And I’ve been there. But I believe that as we speak up about this stuff, we’re going to empower others, that they can speak up too, and we’re going to cause a grassroots movement.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  33:27 I spent a lot of years hitting my head against the wall, trying to convince Focus on the Family to change. It doesn’t work. Interestingly, they’re now using all of my talking points in their Instagram reels. They’re just not referencing me. It’s pretty funny. But so, you know, that’s good. You know what? I don’t care if you don’t reference me, as long as you’re actually starting to teach healthy stuff, do not trust Focus for healthy stuff. Okay? They might be saying a few good things. And I’m glad about that. But this is not an endorsement. But you know, things can change slowly from the grassroots. But we’re not necessarily going to get the big things to change. And it used to really frustrate me when I couldn’t get the big organizations to change, when I couldn’t get the megachurch pastors to listen to me, when I couldn’t get the big media organizations to listen to me. When nobody big would interview us about The Great Sex Rescue, even though we did the biggest study that’s ever been done. Even though we spoke at the American Physiotherapy convention because pelvic floor physiotherapists think we’re groundbreaking. And we can’t get  the big names in the church to listen. But maybe that’s because they’re not supposed to. Because Jesus works at the margins. And I think Jesus is working at the margins here. And I know so many of you are hurting and a lot of It is because of this crap that was in so many of the books that taught you that it’s your fault if someone hurts you, and that you’re just not praying enough. And don’t you know that Jesus put up with it? So, what are you to say that you shouldn’t have to put up with this? You should have the mind of Christ. And you’ve heard those messages. But let me tell you that Jesus wants to tell you that you matter, that you matter.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  35:33 One of my co-authors on The Great Sex Rescue said that we could sum up the whole book with just four words, women are people too. And we are. And men are people too too; we all matter. But when we live in a church culture, which is trying to be based on power instead of on love, and emotional wholeness, we’re going to end up with abuse. And we’re going to end up with hurt. And so, as we’re fighting abuse, my plea, if I can make a plea, is that we also fight that which underpins abuse. That we don’t just fight abuse, but we start calling out the teaching that has enabled it. Because when we call out the teaching, we make it far more likely that people will recognize abuse in other spaces, too.   SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE  36:35 One of the things that so disappointed me in the Mars Hill podcast series, I don’t know how many of you listen to that. Some of you, yeah, they just didn’t go far enough. They treated it like Mark was the problem. Mark was a symptom. All of the things that one episode they did about women, all of the things Mark preached about women, were in all of our best sellers. I could have pointed you to everything he said was in all of our bestsellers that are still our bestsellers. Mark is not the problem; Mark’s awful, but Mark is not the problem. The problem is that we have this whole culture of teaching that enables the Mark’s to get power. If we didn’t have this teaching underpinning it, if we didn’t have these ideas of power and kingdom, then there would not be a Mark Driscoll who would have that kind of power, there would not be a John MacArthur who told Eileen Gray she needed to go back to her abusive husband. And so, as we fight abuse, and I am so grateful to those of you who are out there in the trenches doing that, I pray that you will also join me in some of my mission too, in fighting the teaching that is given about marriage and sex that is underpinned abuse and enabled it to flourish. Because I think, until we can eradicate that teaching, we’re just going to be playing abuser whack-a-mole. Thank you.   Julie Roys  38:12 Wow, such an important message. And I’m so grateful for Sheila’s ministry, and the way that she’s addressing the root of the abuse problem in our churches. And I’m grateful for you too, who listen and support these podcasts and help us get these important messages out. As I’ve noted before, many ministries charge for conference talks, but because of your continued generosity, we’ve been able to make these messages available free of charge. And I’m just so grateful to the hundreds of you who donate to The Roys Report. As I’ve said before, we don’t have any large donors or advertisers, we simply have you the people who care about abuse victims and want to help. If you appreciate this ministry and want to support us, just go to JULIEROYS.COM/DONATE. And in January, if you give a gift of $30 or more, we’ll send you a copy of The Great Dechurching. This is a great resource exploring what’s causing the current exodus out of the church, and what can be done to stop the bleed. So again, just go to JULIEROYS.COM/DONATE. Also, just a quick reminder to subscribe to The Roys Report on Apple podcast, Google podcasts or Spotify. That way you won’t miss any of these episodes. And while you’re at it, I’d really appreciate it if you’d help us spread the word about the podcast by leaving a review. And then please share the podcast on social media so more people can hear about this great content. Again, thanks so much for joining me today. Hope you’re blessed and encouraged.   Read more

This conversation is an evaluation of the work of Sheila Wray Gregoire, host of the Bare Marriage Podcast, and author of many popular books including The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended, She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self & Speaking Up, and, most recently, Fixed It For You: Rescuing and Reframing Common Evangelical Messages on Sex and Marriage Vol. 1. Our review of her work notes that Gregoire represents the last stage in the Evangelical world's “struggle” (a beloved Christian-ese term for failure) to preserve a theological and spiritual grasp of the person. Her view of marriage offers a bare nod toward the Christian telos of that estate. She teaches about sex from the unquestioned assumptions of two decades ago—Christians can have good sex too! God wants you to be happy! Great sex is one of the markers of Christian Flourishing that is essential for what it means to be a healthy, well-rounded person! These messages ring hollow in a post-Christian materialist neverland where young people are happy to identify as “spiritual” but are, ironically enough, not equipped with the tools necessary to understand what the spirit is, nor what the body is for. The spiritual needs of the person are everywhere eclipsed by carnal ones. Absent from Gregoire's work is any discussion of the transcendent, metaphysical spiritual soil that produced the fruit Gregoire is so eager to devour. Discussing sex, especially as a Christian, in exactly the same way as publications like Glamour or Vogue is an assumption of a philosophic framework that, to me, feels like sawing at the very branch one is sitting on. The reason that women and men are both to honor each other with their bodies is because God made men and women in his image and redeemed them to be the Church. The call to sanctification and holiness requires at least an attempt to honor and uphold the spiritual goods of marriage and sex, even while trying to instruct married people how to do it “better.”This Postmodern Realities episode is a conversation with JOURNAL author Anne Kennedy about her online article, “Sex and The Evangelical Girl: A Review of Sheila Gregoire”. Coming Soon!When you support the Journal, you join the team of to help provide the resources at equip.org that minister to people worldwide. These resources include our ever growing database of over 1,500 articles, as well as our free Postmodern Realities podcast.Another way you can support our online articles is by leaving us a tip. A tip is just a small amount, like $3, $5, or $10 which is the cost for some of a latte, lunch out, or coffee drink. To leave a tip, click hereOther recent articles and Postmodern Realities podcasts featuring this author:Episode 353 Women and the Genderless Jesus A Review of ‘Women and the Gender of God' by Amy PeelerWomen and the Genderless Jesus — A Review of ‘Women and the Gender of God' by Amy PeelerEpisode 343 A Review of Beautiful Union by Joshua Ryan ButlerThe Upside-Down Metaphor: A Hermeneutical Critique of Josh Butler's ‘Beautiful Union'

On this episode of Currently Reading, Kaytee and Meredith are discussing: Bookish Moments: the 2024 reading tracker and Christmas picture books Current Reads: all the great, interesting, and/or terrible stuff we've been reading lately Deep Dive: how the holidays affect our reading lives The Fountain: we visit our perfect fountain to make wishes about our reading lives Show notes are time-stamped below for your convenience. Read the transcript of the episode (this link only works on the main site) .  .  .  .  .  2:04 - Currently Reading Patreon 8:24 - Our Bookish Moments of the Week 9:19 - Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree by Robert Barry 10:25 - The Poison Pen Bookstore 10:46 - The Secret of Helmersbruk Manor by Eva Frantz (Blackwell's link) 11:06 - The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson  11:11 - The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus by L. Frank Baum 12:44 - Current Reads 12:59 - Murder in the Family by Cara Hunter 13:19 - Close to Home by Cara Hunter (Meredith, Blackwell's link) 17:55 - The Book of Cold Cases by Simone St. James (Kaytee) 18:04 - CR Season 5: Episode 44 21:53 - Our Hideous Progeny by C.E. McGill (Meredith) 24:15 - The Novel Neighbor 25:56 - The Essex Serpent by Sarah Perry 26:43 - The Novel Neighbor on Instagram 27:03 - The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire 29:12 - Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski 30:24 - Unhinged by Vera Valentine  31:06 - The Year of the Locust by Terry Hayes (Meredith) 31:16 - I Am Pilgrim by Terry Hayes 33:29 - Blackwell's UK 33:48 - booktalketc on Instagram 41:26 - Bookshops and Bonedust by Travis Baldree 42:14 - The Reformatory by Tananarive Due (Kaytee) 43:27 - Libro.fm 54:14 - The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead 48:25 - Deep Dive: How Holidays Can Change Our Reading Habits 50:33 - The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate Dicamillo 51:08 - The Novel Neighbor 55:09 - The Afterlife of Holly Chase by Cynthia Hand 55:14 - Marley by Jon Clinch 55:54 - The Christmas Murder Game by Alexandra Benedict 56:54 - The Unlikely Escape of Uriah Heep by H.G. Parry 57:34 - Mrs. Miracle by Debbie Macomber 58:09 - Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan 59:20 - Meet Us At The Fountain 59:42 - My wish is that you read I Am Pilgrim (Meredith) 59:48 - I Am Pilgrim by Terry Hayes 1:01:54 - I wish that Google Sheets would allow “select multiple” in drop downs (Kaytee) Support Us: Become a Bookish Friend | Grab Some Merch Shop Bookshop dot org | Shop Amazon Bookish Friends Receive: The Indie Press List with a curated list of five books hand sold by the indie of the month. December's IPL will be a yearly recap from us, so we can give our beloved Indies a break for the holidays! Trope Thursday with Kaytee and Bunmi - a behind the scenes peek into the publishing industry All Things Murderful with Meredith and Elizabeth - special content for the scary-lovers, brought to you with the special insights of an independent bookseller The Bookish Friends Facebook Group - where you can build community with bookish friends from around the globe as well as our hosts Connect With Us: The Show: Instagram | Website | Email | Threads The Hosts and Regulars: Meredith | Kaytee | Mary | Roxanna Affiliate Disclosure: All affiliate links go to Bookshop unless otherwise noted. Shopping here helps keep the lights on and benefits indie bookstores. Thanks for your support!

In Genesis 3:14 God confirmed the conflict already underway between the serpent tempter and the woman. Had she been attacked? Yes! Had she unmasked the serpent tempter, in effect denouncing him before the Judge of all? Yes! God honored her words by using them against her attacker in judgment saying "Because you have done this." He then introduced the Good News in verse 15 that would be confirmed in Line 1 of 3:16. The woman's offspring would crush the head of the serpent tempter! There is much more to Genesis 3 than you may have seen before! This is Chapter 5 in The Book of Eden, Genesis 2-3 by Bruce C. E. Fleming, read to you by the author. Go deeper? ENROLL NOW to be part of the next Tru School two-week cohort, The Eden Workshop on Genesis 2-3. Click here: www.Tru316.com/workshopThe Tru316 Foundation(www.Tru316.com) is the home of The Eden Podcast with Bruce C. E. Fleming where we “true” the verse of Genesis 3:16. The Tru316 Message is that “God didn't curse Eve (or Adam) or limit woman in any way.” Once Genesis 3:16 is made clear the other passages on women and men become clear too.You can join in support of the work of the Tru316 Foundation! Become a Tru Partner: www.Tru316.com/partnerFor $25 a month or more (or even as little as  $3.16/month) our Tru Partners are spreading the Word. Click here: www.Tru316.com/partner

Karen Browning is in the host seat this week to have a special conversation with Sheila Wray Gregoire about sex, marriage, and how we talk about these things in the Church. If you are in need of help for sexual or domestic abuse call these hotlines:Sexual Abuse: 1-800-656-4673 (hope)Domestic Abuse: 1-800-799-7233 For more information about Sheila Gregoire visit: www.baremarriage.comFor a full list of resources from Sheila go to her guest portal: www.ministrymisfits.com/SheilaGregoire For more information on Giving Month visit: www.ministrymisfits.com/givingmonth For more information on Ministry Misfits visit www.ministrymisfits.comTo become a Patron for Ministry Misfits visit www.patreon.com/ministrymisfitsTo find the Misfits March Store go to www.ministrymisfits.com/shopSupport the showFollow us on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ministrymisfitFollow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/ministrymisfitFollow us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/ministrymisfitBecome a Patron: www.patreon.com/ministrymisfitsGet Some Misfits Merch: www.ministrymisfits.com/shopGet some TIQVAH Gear: www.ministrymisfits.com/tiqvahfundraiser

Episode 145 // Do you want to have more fun in your marriage?   Intimacy is a really important part of a healthy and happy marriage. But is it a FUN part of your marriage? Do you look forward to your time in the bedroom together… or sometimes wish that part of your marriage could get a boost?   As a Christian marriage counselor (and a wife!) I know how important it is to enjoy the intimacy in your marriage. So let's talk about it!   Today, I'll share a few tips and encouragement for how to have more fun with your husband when it comes to your intimacy together. Ready?? Let's dive in.    hugs & blessings,  Jess   * * * * *    Love Your People Well is all about helping you ENJOY Christian family life. Together, we're building healthy, happy, and holy family relationships.   You'll find everything at www.LoveYourPeopleWell.com.    * * * * *    DIVE DEEPER:   Faith  |  Marriage  |  Parenting  |  Home & Family  |  Emotions  |  Communication   Start with a FREEBIE or grab a DEVOTIONAL.   Want more practical help for your marriage intimacy? My go-to is the online courses from Sheila Wray Gregoire. Check them out here. (affiliate link)   Read this episode on the blog.   Join us inside our Patreon community to support this ministry and get extra perks!   * * * * *    CONNECT, SHARE, & FOLLOW:   If you got value or encouragement from my show, please leave a rating and review! This helps me support more women to enjoy Christian family life and build stronger family relationships. Click here in Apple Podcasts, scroll to the Ratings & Reviews and click “Write A Review.” Let me know what you loved most about the episode!    Also, be sure to follow the podcast, so new episodes pop right up in your library.   Then, copy and share the link for today's episode with a friend who needs encouragement.   Prayer requests? Questions? Topics you want me to cover? Email me at jessica@loveyourpeoplewell.com.  * * * * *  DISCLAIMERS I am a licensed therapist but this podcast is not therapy. I may use affiliate links and earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my disclaimers here. * * * * *  ✨ Grab tons of resources and biblical encouragement today at www.LoveYourPeopleWell.com ✨ 

[We're featuring this replay episode from our archives.] What happens when people teach something the Bible doesn't say? When we try to apply principles that do NOT line up with the inspired Hebrew and Greek words of the Bible what problems arise?How can we learn what God said to the woman in the Garden of Eden? Take THE EDEN COURSE! In eight great lessons walk through Genesis 2-3. You'll encounter key lessons you already know. And you'll make new discoveries too! Go to www.TheEdenCourse.com or click this LINKWant to help spread the Word? Become a monthly Tru Partner of the Tru316 Foundation! Learn more here: Tru316.com/partner

Guest Bios Show Transcript Part 2 of our eye-opening podcast on bullying, featuring the woman who blew the whistle on author and pastor, Dane Ortlund, is out! If you missed part one, you can find it here. In this podcast, Ortlund whistleblower, Emily Hyland, describes what she wishes she knew when she was being bullied that she knows now. And anti-bullying expert, Paul Coughlin, offers keen insights from his decades of experience, as well.  Coughlin, author of the best-selling, No More Christian Nice-Guy, and founder of The Protectors, reveals how bullies identify their targets. He also gives steps every person can take to stand up to them.  Meanwhile, Hyland explains how to educate yourself on bullies, but warns against trying to become an expert before taking action. She also shares important developments in her case against Ortlund, author of Gentle and Lowly. For anyone who has experienced bullying, or wants accountability for a bully, don't miss this podcast. You may even want to take notes! Guests Emily Hyland Emily Hyland earned her bachelors in Molecular Genetics and Biotechnology before working for the Office of Naval Research in Washington, DC. While there she received a MHSA in Management & Leadership from The George Washington University. She has worked with the US Army and the Office of the Surgeon General, Accenture, GE, and across finance, manufacturing, health services, and information technology. Recently, she was the Director of Operations at Naperville Presbyterian Church in suburban Illinois. She is married and has three children.  Paul Coughlin Paul Coughlin is an author, an international speaker and the founder and president of The Protectors, which is dedicated to helping schools, organizations and communities combat bullying. His books include No More Christian Nice Guy, Raising Bully-Proof Kids and 5 Secrets Great Dads Know. Paul and his wife, Sandy, reside in central Oregon and have three teenage children. Learn more about Paul and his organization at www.theprotectors.org. Show Transcript JULIE ROYS, PAUL COUGHLIN, EMILY HYLAND JULIE ROYS 00:03 How do you deal with bullying by a pastor or Christian employer? Welcome to The Roys Report, a podcast dedicated to reporting the truth and restoring the church. I'm Julie Roys. And this is part two of a two-part podcast with bullying expert Paul Coughlin and whistleblower Emily Hyland. If you missed part one, I'd encourage you to go back now and listen to that. It was a fascinating discussion in which Emily gave new details about the alleged bullying and retaliation she received at the hands of Dane Ortlund. Dane is the pastor of Naperville Presbyterian Church in Naperville, Illinois. He's also the author of the bestselling book, Gentle and Lonely. But according to Emily, Dane is a bully. In Emily's case alleging retaliation by Dane and his church because she blew the whistle on Dane's bullying is now going to trial. And you'll hear about important developments in that case in this podcast. You'll also hear important insights on how to deal with bullies in a Christian workplace. And Emily will share what she wishes she knew back when she was being bullied that she knows now. I'm so looking forward to diving into the rest of my discussion with Emily and Paul Coughlin. But first I'd like to thank the sponsors of this podcast, Judson University and Marquardt of Barrington if you're looking for a top ranked Christian University, providing a caring community and an excellent college experience, Judson University is for you. Judson is located on 90 acres just 40 miles west of Chicago in Elgin, Illinois. The school offers more than 60 majors, great leadership opportunities and strong financial aid. Plus, you can take classes online as well as in person. Judson University is shaping lives that shaped the world. For more information, just go to JUDSONU.EDU. Also, if you're looking for a quality new or used car, I highly recommend my friends at Marquardt of Barrington. Marquardt is a Buick GMC dealership where you can expect honesty, integrity, and transparency. That's because the owners there Dan and Kurt Marquardt, are men of integrity. To check them out, just go to BUYACAR123.COM. We now return to part two of my discussion with Paul Coughlin and Emily Hyland. Specifically, Emily explains more of what she wishes she knew back when she was being bullied that she knows now. And one thing I've learned about Emily is that she doesn't do anything halfway. So, when she realized something wasn't right, she quickly devoured resources like author and advocate Wade Mullins' book by that title. But Emily urges that while it's important to find resources, victims shouldn't go overboard and get a PhD. We've kind of touched on this, you said find resources, but don't get a PhD on the subject. I'm guessing, just knowing a little bit about you, Emily, you like to master something before you move forward with it. And I'm guessing you couldn't do that. But you did a great job of informing yourself; talk about that process. EMILY HYLAND 03:08 There are so many more resources that are available in this moment than there were two and a half years ago. Coming right out of it, that book by Wade Mullen was the first I read because of the title, Something's Not Right. Like you're right, that is exactly describing it. I have to read that. And I went through, and I read Diane Langberg and Scot McKnight and Laura Behringer's book. I read Chuck DeGroote, I went through an entire podcast called Power Corrupts and have been increasingly able to articulate accurately what happened and that makes me feel more safe, that I am not speculating. I can say, in the fewest words possible, here's what happened, and the impacts and why it was wrong. That has helped in the legal sense is that I don't waste my time on the nebulous side of just thinking, well, what might have those pastors been thinking? I mean, I don't know what they were thinking, I don't know their hearts. A psychiatrist maybe could get at some of these things. I don't need to know those things. I just need to accurately know what was going on in my own mind, in my own heart. I think one resource that I value now is that I wish I'd had then was there was no ChatGPT two years ago, and I wasted a lot of words trying to get my point across. And people don't realize that when you're making an accusation about a pastor, you're making it against a professional communicator, somebody who is possibly way better with words than their victim. That was really hard. I had just too many words. And now ChatGPT has made a big difference just for me personally, to feel more confident in describing the situation. But I really don't think that you need to be 100% certain and able to write a dissertation on it to step forward and say, I've seen bullying behaviors. We need to tackle it now. But you've got to stand up and say something, whether it's on your behalf or the behalf of somebody else. Bullies need to be confronted to their face. You can't shove a book at them and say, read this; does it sound like you? You have to speak it out to people to say, this is an individual interpersonal matter. Books help to get you the right words, but you can't get around the fact that somebody, at some point, needs to bring it up to their face. JULIE ROYS 05:26 Hmm. And one thing if I could add to that, is give yourself some grace. Because I heard you say, like my own motives and my own. It's so hard when you're in the midst of this and you're angry, and you have a right to be angry, and you're hurt, and you have a right to be hurt. And in all that to be absolutely pristine in every attitude and thought, of course, you're not going to be. And I think people need to have some grace with themselves when they're walking through this. I remember once we were leaving a church and I said to somebody, oh, I just want to make sure that we don't sin. And he's like, No, you will, but try to minimize that. Just hearing that gave me I don't know, just kind of a relief that Okay, right. I'm human in this and don't have to be perfect. PAUL COUGHLIN 06:15 Julie, if I did add to that there's a great line by Shakespeare. And he says that some people are more sinned against than sinner. And that is how it is when it comes to bullying in the workplace in faith-centric organizations. What's interesting is that many people who are targets of bullying are nice people. And nice people will spend so much more time worrying about their behaviors than the person who is abusing them, harming them and their family. We really need to move away from that thinking. I also think that thinking is baked into the system as well, in the rhetoric used by many of our leaders for decades, into make us think that there is something fundamentally wrong with us, when we recognize this behavior in other people. We really need to move away from that, we need to stop being so nice, which is often a knee jerk reaction to people pleasing, it has nothing to do with the fruit of the spirit of kindness. Niceness is never mentioned in the Bible, for example, as an attribute of the Father, Son, or the Holy Spirit, it's not a fruit of the Spirit, and bullies in the workplace, particularly within the church faith-centric organizations, they use our niceness against us. It's one of the reasons why we're targeted. We don't use the word victim at the protectors very often, we prefer the word target, and here's why. You have been selected the bully in the workplace. The bully pastor has picked on some people but not other people. Why is that? Because a bully is not looking for a fight, they want to overwhelm another person. So, they look for the nice person, they look for the person for example, who lives by turning the other cheek. There is no more tortured scripture in the theater of bullying, then turn the other cheek. When you put it in context. It has to do with having a generous spirit. It has nothing to do with accepting abuse from another person. So, we really need to have these distinctions. Niceness is really not a virtue, it's actually a vice in disguise. It's often the sin of cowardice, Revelation 21:8, we need to get tougher and stronger. We need to speak the truth in love. We still need to be gracious. But we also need to be truthful. I love what Emily said, in that someone needs to speak to the bullies face that is so important. If I give one piece of advice. The sooner you stand up to a bully in the workplace in the church, the better your life is going to be. The sooner you do it, the better. JULIE ROYS 08:44 So good. And in that some of the weapons that are used commonly against the person who speaks up is the word gossip. And you're labeled gossip. I'm guessing, Emily, that happened to you? I don't know. But did you find that parsing out what gossip is and understanding and distinguishing between that and what you were doing, was that an important step for you? EMILY HYLAND 09:10 The verbiage was because I wasn't talking to people about what was going on. And I regret caring about somebody's reputation more than the harm they were causing people. Gossip is a hard concept in the church because a church is like a proxy for family not having family in the area. And so, I want people to know what's going on in my life. I want to know what other people's is going on, how can I care for somebody or support somebody if I'm really not knowing what's going on? But then there's that sinful gossip of self-serving prideful nitpicking rumor spreading,. Those things can really be meshed together. And for my experience is that this came all that this gossip part came to like this moment, the single experience where I've talked to two elders, and they should know what they're doing. And there was this pivot as soon as they told Dane and the associate about what I had said. And now the elders are saying, Oh, we made a mistake. We should be modeling Matthew 18. Let's go backwards. You go meet with him privately. And I was like, what? JULIE ROYS 10:19 Matthew 18, just to interject for anybody who doesn't know this, if turn the other cheek is the most abused, this has to be second, right? Yeah. It's Matthew 18, which instructs, and again, this is with personal offenses. It says, with a personal offense to first take your offense to your brother one on one, then if he doesn't listen to you to take one or two people with you, then if he doesn't listen, then speak it to the entire church. Again, Matthew 18 is not a prescription for bully pastors. I would say ITimothy 5:20, is the prescription for bully pastors, which is when there's an elder who's sending that you should publicly expose him so that others may stand in fear. Good grief, somebody who's being bullied, does not need to go through a Matthew 18. They go to people who are supposed to be advocates who are supposed to hold the pastor accountable. And when they don't, then to me, you're completely in a ITimothy 5:20 situation where it's time to publicly expose the sinning pastor. So rarely hear that passage. Instead, we always hear Matthew 18. And it's used as a club. It's used abusively, and it's a misapplication. PAUL COUGHLIN 11:31 Julie let's say that a person has gone under a sexual assault. Do we really think that we would require that person to meet one on one? No one but your most ardent fundamentalist would say yes to that. Most people would say, okay, that's an exception. I'll give you that exception. How is that the only exception? And this is used in Christian schools, by the way with kids who are being bullied, I argue it absolutely doesn't apply, in fact, you're retraumatizing that poor kid whose been the target of bullying to sit in the same room. So, we really need more than knowledge of Matthew 18. We need wisdom. And wisdom is doesn't apply to all situations at all times. EMILY HYLAND 12:10 And that's what made this so difficult is that I've just told two elders about the bullying and intimidation in those words. And their response is, I think we need to go do this again. And you need to go meet with him privately. And I can't say no, he's my boss. So that's what we do. And it's a closed-door private meeting, no witnesses. What was said in that meeting? But what really stood out to me was his line, have you told anyone else about this? It sounded like it was delivered, like straight out of a horror story to the character whose body is never found, because what the answer is, is that if I had said, Yes, I was guilty of gossip about a pastor, my church elder. If I said, no, there are no witnesses in the control of the narrative still possible, as long as I'm not around to contradict anything. And that's what happened. Forty-eight hours later, that's what I told him. I said, No, I haven't said anything, because what I believe is that gossip hinders reconciliation efforts. And I wanted this to be reconciled. I had no premonition that this was unrecoverable. I know better now. But what I thought then is that, yeah, there was no need to gossip, because it's like I saw a problem. I'm like, let's get these elders involved. Let's get this back on the rails moving on. And what it actually was, is, I did myself a disservice by not gossiping more. I don't want to gossip. But I wish I had talked to people who were safe and outside of that church. JULIE ROYS 13:40 And that's not gossip. No, that is getting the help that you need in certain situations. And so important for us to understand, distinguish between those. What about the family impact? Because you have children. And I've heard this from numerous people where I would do this, I would speak up, but I've got children in the church. Sometimes it's the spouse, there's all these connections and leverage that, quite frankly, the leader or the organization has over the person that's being bullied. Talk about that and how you navigated that. EMILY HYLAND 14:21 For me, I kept this all under wraps. Nobody knew, nobody knew what I was feeling. So, they probably noticed there was something wrong. And I remember when my mom asked me, she's like, how's it going working for Dane? And I had no answer. I couldn't just say fine, I held back. But then when this all came crashing down, she didn't know how to help me. My husband didn't know how to help me. Everybody knew I had worked for church. And then one moment I wasn't, they really did not know why they were at this church one Sunday, and nobody from that church ever spoke to them again. I mean, I'm shouldering my own mountain of grief, and then I've got this, you know, layer of they're grief. My oldest son, he's like, I was happy at MPC. And they were until it was over. And I think that processing the grief with them has been valuable. I trust that God will use this in their faith walk for their good. But I wish I'd spoken up earlier, and I wish I had prepared my family for the consequences of speaking up. What happens when you tell the truth is that you might experience hardship and pain, it's worth it. But I wish I had prepared myself to give them a little bit more solace as to how to navigate, and why their world changed so much so quickly. JULIE ROYS 15:42 I mean, listening as a mother, my heart just goes out to you and to your family, for what you've been through. And it's hard enough for adults, but for children to process how this happens, and to distinguish between the people that hurt them who are symbols of the Church of God. It's just so painful to see that and it just requires so much prayer, so much care. But I mean, none of us on this call, and I'm guessing, Paul, you included, my kids have not been spared any of the effects of what I've gone through. They shoulder it with me whether or not they deserve to because they really don't deserve any of it. And yet, there's no way to insulate them from it. PAUL COUGHLIN 16:30 And a job, in a supposed Christian environment, it certainly wasn't. And I have three kids, and they were younger. And I would drive home from that job. And you just undergo stuff that is just horrendous. And I had a mantra that I would tell myself in the car – our old blue Volvo. I would say this is not my future, this is not my future, this is not the Lord's will for my life. And it helped and it helps to highlight something fundamental for targets; hope is more important than love for a beleaguered individual, and a beleaguered community. We see this often in the writings and speeches of Martin Luther King. Why did he talk about hope so much? Because if you don't have a functioning hope, that today, tomorrow, the next day year, could be better – love doesn't land well. Without hope we can't digest love very well. So, one thing that we need to do is to inculcate more hope in our spirit is to realize this is not your future. This is temporary, it's not permanent. It's one of the reasons why we recommend that people start looking for another job, because we're talking about bullying within faith centric organizations. Looking for another job has a way of bolstering your hope. And with that hope we tend to think more clearly and more proactively. JULIE ROYS 18:01 Hmm. For some reason, I'm thinking of the movie Back to the Future. I don't know if you remember that. But there's a main bully. Yeah, and the two different scenarios that the entire family experiences because the father is bullied in front of his son. In the first scenario, that impacts the son's view his father and the culture of the family, and how it changes when somebody stands up to the bully. And I think one of the things that we don't think about enough is what it communicates to our children when we don't say anything, and we allow this kind of harm to continue. I talked to somebody recently, and I have to sort of laugh because I asked her how your kids process what happened? And she sort of laughed, and she said, at first it was really difficult. She said that they kind of think their mom's badass. I was like, okay, but I mean, in the very best sense of that word, if there is, is that they see that you're worth standing up for and that there are things worth standing up for. There's things worth paying a price for. And I think it's important as Christians that we start modeling that in the way that we respond. PAUL COUGHLIN 19:19 We're told as parents, not to exasperate our children, right in Scripture? One way to exasperate your children is to show cowardice and for them to witness that. That can make them feel incredibly uncomfortable and unstable. JULIE ROYS 19:32 Good point. EMILY HYLAND 19:33 I think it too is that you know, like that parable Jesus told about a man who finds a treasure in the field, and he sells everything to get the treasure. It's almost the counter like the inverse is that what would I not give to keep my kids from being discipled in gracelessness and fear and corruption? I mean, to not have my kids in that I'm like, I will pay that price. My kids will not be breathing that air and under that thumb of oppression and hurting other people. I don't want them to grow up thinking that that's okay at church. You can, I think, latch on to the teeniest tiniest nugget of courage to say, I can do this, because other people might benefit. JULIE ROYS 20:22 In a way, you had no idea when you spoke to the elders, how that was going to play out and what the consequences were going to be. But you say that we should understand the risks but take the gamble anyway. Why do you say that? EMILY HYLAND 20:37 When I look back, I think, like you said about the matrix. I mean, there was a period, I was like, please just plug me back into the matrix. I just wanted to go back. And then there was the period where I was like, please just let me have a lobotomy so I cannot have these memories, and not know, have these relationships that you know, now are nothing. And now I think that outcome was the right outcome. To be violently removed, was how God needed to do it. He did it on my behalf, he did it on behalf of my children, I needed it. But on the behalf of other people in that congregation who had the similar experience. I think that knowing the risks, that you could be fired and disfellowshipped, and the House of Cards will come crumbling down. If you know those risks, you still stand up, and you still speak the truth. Because the speaking of the truth is important to Christians. And if you're being abused by a Christian leader, whatever the outcome is of speaking the truth, is the best possible outcome. The other consequences coming from either tolerating sin or silencing your conscience; those may seem like a preferable outcome in the short term. But they are so costly to your soul and to your spirit that to be out of an abusive and coercive church is always better than being in one. So, to know those risks, and it's painful, it could be awful, it could be the worst thing you ever go through in your whole life. But do it anyway, because you were meant to be on the outside of an abusive church. JULIE ROYS 20:42 Paul, one of the things I should say, a person and a characteristic that I didn't even know about when I started reporting is the narcissist. And yet, I have learned about the narcissist in spades right now. But I think a lot of times, we don't know that that is what we are dealing with, in these situations, because this person has a title. And this person can speak so lovingly from the stage. Talk about the narcissist, and what we need to know as the person who is on the receiving end of what they're dishing out in our dealings with them. PAUL COUGHLIN 22:58 Yeah, so the narcissistic personality or antisocial personality can be depending on the study, 10, 12, 15 percent of a given population. It doesn't sound like a lot, but sometimes that's one out of every eight people can have this characteristic. That's pretty big, particularly when you look at a congregation, right? Most bullies bully, not because they have low self-esteem. They abuse others because they have excessive self-esteem. They think they're wonderful. And then you add on top of that this component that they are somehow especially circled by God. So, you already have this overinflated ego. And now it's uber inflated, because now they are a special person in a special world putting out special information that other people have not discerned until they were born, which is pretty stunning. We need to realize that most narcissists see people in two ways, people who are either below them or a threat. And this is how they look at the world. They are constantly measuring things in order to keep themselves at the top of the hierarchy. And again, to keep themselves at the top of the hierarchy isn't for them to necessarily usher in the kingdom of heaven to play their part, it's for their kingdom. They'll talk a lot about the kingdom of heaven, but it's really about their kingdom. And I'm reminded of that, I had a dinner with Mark Driscoll and very interesting dinner. And he kept talking about how it was all about Jesus. And he kept saying it over and over. But yet, if you look at the guy's actions, it's not all about Jesus. So, they often speak one way, but they really behave in a very different way. One thing that narcissists have in common is that they have three things in common and I mentioned one of them, an inflated self-regard. They really believe they're more important than other people. They don't believe the Bible. The Bible says we're equal, they don't really, they'll say we're equal. But that's not how they truly think. They really think they're above the herd. And because of that, it makes them tremendously dangerous. They also have a great sense of entitlement; things are owed to them again, because they're wonderful. But then they have a third component. And this third component is antagonism. And I've often explained to people who have been the target of bullying, but in faith centric organizations, the best bullies harm you, but they smile on their face and a lilt in their voice. They're the most damaging ones, because they hide their antagonism. Their words are designed to humiliate, and really destroy you. But they do it in such a way that it almost seems like okay for them to do that. It goes back to that cognitive dissonance that we talked about earlier. The look on the face is kind, but the words are poison. That's all on purpose. They have been practicing that dark skill for a long time, and most of them have gotten away with it for a long time, as well. So, to the best of our abilities, know who you're really dealing with, because it's a very different response than how you would deal with someone, for example, there's conflict. There's miscommunication, there's misunderstanding. When you have those behaviors that's often mistaken for bullying behaviors. It's not, those behaviors are answered in a much different way. Like an interpersonal. Oh, I didn't know what you were saying that okay. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm glad we're okay. Let's move on. Bullying is a whole other category of behavior. JULIE ROYS 26:40 Hmm. Well, Emily, I am so glad that you stuck up for yourself. I'm so glad that you kept receipts. I always tell people, please keep receipts, because in my business, you don't have receipts, it's a he said, she said. It's really very difficult to make a case. But you were able to make a case. Since this ruling by the Department of Human Rights last December, I know there was another major ruling in July. Would you get us up to speed with what's going on? What happened in July with that ruling, and also, as you're looking to the future, what's coming up? EMILY HYLAND 27:18 I didn't go into this wanting to go to court. And so, I've made choices that I've allowed this to be much longer but allowed for much greater investigation by outside agencies. So going and taking my case to the Illinois Department of Human Rights; that's similar to the federal EEOC. And the Illinois Department of Rights did an investigation, they looked at the material, we had a long conversation between me and the pastors where they asked us all these questions. And then they came up with this report. So there was 10 charges. And back in December, they found that retaliation had substantial evidence. And so that charge was forwarded up to the higher agency, the Human Rights Commission. Well, the other dismissed charges, of which there were nine, I went back, looked at some of the evidence, had more evidence, put it on there, and resubmitted it through, it's similar to an appeals process, but you can get them to look at it again. And so the higher agency looked at these other nine dismissed charges, and they said, alright, we'll keep six of them stay dismissed. And some of them were just because of timing. But two additional charges were, in essence, overturned. So, they were originally dismissed, they are now considered substantially off to more going to trial. So those two are unequal pay and termination, the discharge. So, they joined up with retaliation, and it will be going to trial coming up in the next hopefully few months, maybe who knows, it just could drag on. But there's also an Illinois Department of Labor claim that took two full years to get through the review system. And that one is going to be going in front of a judge in the next three weeks, where they'll hear my evidence and then that of the churches and to look at unpaid wages. How much time was I being asked to do work outside of the hours I was ever going to get paid for? Which I think is one of those strange ways that bullying is normalized in churches, which is how we are asked to spend our time. That's our time. And I loved my church, and I wanted to do a lot for my church. But when it became a I don't get to have dinner with my family because I need to respond to an email that Dane needs turned around this very second. Looking at that evidence and saying how often that was happening with regularity is what we're going into which is that yeah, I think that was a really hard one because you want to have your church go well, but you also need those boundaries to say, Why are you asking me for work to be done on a Saturday or while I'm on vacation or on a holiday? That was one of those, I think, very covert ways of controlling and coercing me. That is so normalized because it can just be passed off as Oh, it was just off the top of his head. And you don't didn't need to do that then. I mean, of course, you could have waited until Monday. Oh, we'll see. JULIE ROYS 30:33 So, I understand the regular trial system. But I don't understand the system going through government agencies like this. What does the trial look like? And what are you hoping to get out of it? EMILY HYLAND 30:45 Well compared to say a trial in a circuit court, the Human Rights Commission have their own set of administrative judges. Just as the Department of Labor has their own administrative judges. But there's still a discovery process, there's still witnesses and depositions. And then it all goes in front of her as a trial. JULIE ROYS 31:03 So, the judge will then be making the decision, and then damages and so forth would be determined by the judge? EMILY HYLAND 31:10 Right, and the church should be saying thank you, because actually, this is by far the cheapest route, even if you're found guilty, there's no punitive damages. So, they can't slap the church and say, you should have done this, and here's a giant fine. There's no punitive damages. It's all pretty much easy calculus as to how much you were making how much of interest how much of you know, and there's limits on how much even of other damages. This was never about money. And this was about the fact that they broke the law, and they are unrepentant. And don't think they've done moments wrong for two and a half years. So, I'm excited that there's people who can read this and see like, oh, yeah, this was definitely wrong. And it's not hard to identify it. It's shocking that the people who are in the organization cannot see what is well visible to people who are reading the narrative, and also even people who are getting the highlights of it. JULIE ROYS 32:10 Well, it speaks to your character, that you've gone through this process, that you haven't sought to be punitive when you certainly could have, and instead are waiting for justice. And so, we join you in praying for truth and praying for justice. And we do pray that all of that will become clear as this moves through the system. So, Emily, and Paul, thank you so much. This has been a rich discussion. And I know it's been bought with a lot of blood, sweat and tears from you. And so, we acknowledge that. But thank you for the insights that you've gained through a very, very painful process. PAUL COUGHLIN 32:48 Thank you, Julie. Appreciate that. EMILY HYLAND 32:50 Yeah, and thank you so much for bringing attention to this because a lot of people are under the same burdens. And they can be in the same massively confused state that I was and feeling very isolated. Because that is how bullying works. It is so about isolating you from a reality that you're in and keeping you from speaking up and pushing back and being happy. JULIE ROYS 33:16 Again, thanks so much for listening to The Roys Report, a podcast dedicated to reporting the truth and restoring the church. I'm Julie Roys. And if you're a survivor of church hurt or abuse or you're a Christian leader who wants to learn how to protect against abuse and help survivors, I want to invite you to join me at our upcoming Restore conference. This two-day event October 13 and 14, at Judson University in Elgin, Illinois, is a very special time of healing and equipping. Joining me will be author Wade Molen, whose book we referenced in this podcast, along with Lori Anne Thompson, Sheila Wray Gregoire, Mary Demuth, and more. For more information, go to RESTORE2023.COM. Also, just a quick reminder to subscribe to The Roys Report on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts or Spotify. That way, you'll never miss an episode. And while you're at it, I'd really appreciate it if you'd help us spread the word about the podcast by leaving a review. And then please share the podcast on social media so more people can hear about this great content. Again, thanks so much for joining me today. Hope you were blessed and encouraged. Read more

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The evangelical message for girls was all about virginity, naivete, and silence, and millenial women are paying the price for it. "She Deserves Better" gets into what went wrong but also gives us a playbook for how to do better.  We talk about: the impact of modesty teaching what happens when girls are told they talk too much the importance of sex ed Full show notes here Partner with us to hear Jess and Devi's trip to a sex shop in Melbourne. We read out product descriptions and give our honest opinion about a (surprising) number of sea creature-like devices. Get it for $3/month (USD). Sheila Wray Gregoire is the face behind BareMarrige.com, the largest single-blogger marriage blog. She's also an award-winning author of nine books, including The Great Sex Rescue, and a sought-after speaker. Connect with Sheila on Instagram. Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach is a psychology graduate, Sheila's daughter, and the author of Why I Didn't Rebel. Working alongside her husband, Connor, she develops websites focusing on building Jesus-centered marriages and families. Connect with Rebecca on Instagram.

Make a one-time or recurring donation on our ⁠⁠⁠Donor Box profile here⁠⁠⁠. Join us in the mission of introducing Reformed Theology across the world! Interested in further study of the Bible? Join us at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Logos Bible Software⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Are you interested in a rigorous and Reformed seminary education? Call Westminster Seminary California at 888-480-8474 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠www.wscal.edu⁠⁠⁠⁠! Please help support the show on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon Page⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!   WELCOME TO BOOK CLUB! Sheila Wray Gregoire is the face behind BareMarriage.com, a sought-after speaker, and an award-winning author of nine books, including The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better. Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach is a psychology graduate, Sheila's daughter, and the author of Why I Didn't Rebel. Joanna Sawatsky is an epidemiologist with a research focus on the intersection of religiosity and women's health issues. As Research Coordinator at Bare Marriage she oversees health promotion efforts by managing survey development, data collection, statistical analysis, and knowledge translation. We want to thank ⁠⁠Baker Books for their help in setting up this interview and providing us with the necessary materials for this interview   Purchase the book(s) here: She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Self, Sex, and Speaking Up   Have Feedback or Questions? Email us at: guiltgracepod@gmail.com Find us on Instagram: ⁠⁠@guiltgracepod⁠⁠ Follow us on Twitter: ⁠⁠@guiltgracepod⁠⁠ Find us on YouTube: ⁠⁠Guilt Grace Gratitude Podcast⁠⁠ Please rate and subscribe to the podcast on whatever platform you use! Looking for a Reformed Church? ⁠⁠North American Presbyterian & Reformed Churches --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/gggpodcast/support

You deserve better. Your daughters deserve better. The women around you deserve better. She deserves better. This is a sentiment Sheila Wray Gregoire strongly believes in, and she is here today not only to introduce you to her new book, She Deserves Better, but to tell you exactly why you deserve better and how you can heal from the lies you grew up believing about purity culture, sex, modesty, men, and more.Join Natalie and Sheila as they discuss the harmful lies you were taught to believe, how you can heal, and how you can help raise the next generation to have a better chance at believing and living in the truth.Key Points From This Episode: Why She Deserves Better was written and the stats to back up the book.  How purity culture was born (and why it's a big bunch of lies squashed together because of fear and then fed to us and our children).  How to help our children have high self-esteem.  Why Christian women struggle with vaginismus at twice the rate of the general population.  How She Deserves Better can help you reparent yourself.  Why telling the truth to our children about sex is vital to their physical, mental, and emotional health.  Read or download the transcript hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Hello, Neighbor! This is Part 2 of the Car Conversation, while John Branyan travels with The Peaches down to southern Indiana for a show.Have you read Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis? That story provides a great analogy for how a High King needs to behave when it's time to take responsibility. Then--a Feminist author, Sheila Wray Gregoire, shared an old video clip from the original Candid Camera show. "Who says girls and women aren't visual creatures?!?!" (Answer: Um, nobody.) The young ladies are making eyes at their handsome new teacher, and it's all caught on film. But why do the Feminists think this is helping their case at all? Those girls are precisely the ones who need to be told not to dress provocatively just to get the teacher's attention. Later: These women clearly need to be disciplined (not whatever they have in mind when claiming "She Deserves Better"). But who's supposed to do the disciplining? Who has authority over them? The Peaches make the case that perhaps this is a MOTHERHOOD crisis and not a Fatherhood one. Perhaps it's the mature WOMEN who are supposed to tell these little girls-in-grown-bodies that they're embarassing us and giving womanhood a bad name. But...women are being taught to use "Gentle Parenting" techniques with their toddlers. So there's a lack of confidence in authoritative discipleship... Finally: What's going to happen in the next 20 years, when 5th-Wave Feminism has completely "liberated" women from all morality? When Modesty is a derogatory term, and it's hate speech to say women are sinners, too...then what will the big crusade be against? They probably will wage war against all references to Jesus Himself. Contact the Comedian by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com. Also, come on vacation with The Comedian and his funny friends/family. Registrations closes soon! Get the details about Vacay with Comics on johnbranyan.com before it's too late!

The Comedian and the Peaches are in the car, taking a trip to southern Indiana. Come along for the ride! (Our GPS made the recorder glitch between the 13:00 and 14:00 minute mark... But it cleared up after that.) We'll kick it off with a riveting conversation about the benefits of being short--and the disorienting effect of new eye-glasses... Then, let's talk about the evolving role of a mother as her children grow in maturity. She has to be able to shift from "agreeableness" to a more "disagreeable" framework. What are the strengths and weaknesses of Agreeable/Disagreeable People? Typically women are more "agreeable," because they are equipped to deal with infants--who are very needy and dependent and can't be held to a higher standard until they've grown. It's easier to be the least mature person in a very mature system than to be the most mature person in a very immature system. Everyone wants to be the Baby of a very stable family--and no one wants to be the Manager of a whole bunch of babies! Later: We have more to say about Sheila Wray Gregoire, who released a book this week called "She Deserves Better." Why are so many Evangelical MEN afraid to call out these Feminists? Well, short version: they are hesitant for the same reason many women/moms don't want to discipline their own kids. (It feels Too Authoritative.) Books like "She Deserves Better" is creating perpetually immature women...girls who use their tears to get what they want. And, ironically, her whole strategy depends on men playing the role of Mommies who take care of these Baby Girls. Women have a big challenge in raising their children: constantly growing WITH them. "How do we know when it's time to comfort them and when it's time to challenge them?!" That's a very good question. And, just when we start to get a routine that seems to work for everyone, it's time for a growth spurt. When you try to sell a cookie-cutter message to EVERY girl/woman in the church, you are trying to sell a silver bullet formula that won't work for most girls/women. Finally: Being empowered means having responsibility. If you have power, you are capable of abusing it. But no one is warning these women about how to use their power, once it's given to them... Which is a recipe for disaster.-PITSTOP-You can reach out to the Comedian, John Branyan, by emailing nextdoor@johnbranyan.com .

Purchase a copy of She Deserves Better: https://amzn.to/40NMYZzArmed with data from an all-new survey of over 7,000 women, the authors of The Great Sex Rescue reveal how experiences in church as teens affect women's self-esteem and relationships today. They expose common evangelical teachings that can backfire--the purity emphasis that can cause shame rather than good choices, the dating rules that can prime your daughter for abuse, and the one overarching belief that can keep her from setting healthy boundaries.Instead, the authors advocate biblically grounded, freeing messages that are more about the dos and less about the don'ts. By reframing (and sometimes replacing) common evangelical messages to teen girls, this book will equip you to raise a daughter who can navigate the tumultuous teenage years while still clinging tightly to Jesus.You can raise your daughter with the discernment to resist toxic teachings. Because she deserves better than a faith that keeps her small.Sheila Wray Gregoire is the face behind BareMarriage.com, an award-winning author, and a sought-after speaker. Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach is a psychology graduate, Sheila's daughter, and the author of Why I Didn't Rebel. Joanna Sawatsky has a master's degree in public health and is a trained microbiologist, epidemiologist, and biostatistician.Together they are the coauthors of The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better.Purchase a copy of The Great Sex Rescue: https://amzn.to/414EmgW________________Support the Preacher Boys Podcast:https://www.patreon.com/preacherboysPurchase a Preacher Boys shirt, mask, sticker, or other merch to rep the show! https://www.teepublic.com/user/preacher-boys-podcast________________Find more stories regarding the IFB movement by visiting:– preacherboysdoc.com– https://www.facebook.com/preacherboysdoc/– https://twitter.com/preacherboysdoc-– https://www.instagram.com/preacherboysdoc/To connect with a community that shares the Preacher Boys Podcast's mission to expose abuse in the IFB, join the OFFICIAL Preacher Boys Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1403898676438188Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/preacher-boys-podcast/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sheila Wray Gregoire is the founder of Bare Marriage (baremarriage.com) and the author/co-author of several books, including the great breaking The Great Sex Rescue, which she co-authored with her daughter, Rebecca Lindenbach, my other guest. Rebecca also works for Bare Marriage and is the co-host of the bare marriage podcast. Rebecca and Sheila are coming out with their latest book She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up.