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Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 19 It Doesn t Matter, and I Don t Understand. In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             Being dead is wonderful; you never get tired and you have all the time in the world to regret how you ended up this way      "You are so good to me, Zane, and I appreciate it," Barbie Lynn murmured. "You never give me less than 100% and I've never felt like you take me for granted." "It is you and only you, Sarah, Cindy, Eve, umm, help me out here," I grinned. Barbie Lynn lilted in the voice of an angel while she pressed off the glass with her upper body and leveraged down onto my cock. I shifted one hand off an ass cheek to move it to the back of her neck and pull her face in and up to mine. She also constricted her anal muscles around my shaft, concentrating on my cockhead. "Does this make my body more familiar to you?" she panted, our lips only inches away. "Not as much as these eyes, these eyes of my own beautiful seraph," I whispered. Barbie Lynn completed the kiss. Her hips rotated up slightly and mine shifted lower and under so that my penetration reached deep inside. For thirty seconds we kept the tender kiss going before she had to break free. "Oh, Jesus, Zane, this feels so good, I can't, oh, Lord Jesus," she gasped out as I shifted out, then back in rhythmically. "More time, I want more time with you, Zane," Barbie Lynn panted with a heavy breath. "We have tests this afternoon and Vivian is waiting," I shook my head in disappointment. Fierce passion engulfed both of us. Clearly, I got my money's worth from the contractor who had installed the shower because the glass wall didn't give way despite our enthusiasm. "Lord Jesus loves, ," Barbie Lynn screamed across campus. Her arms locked my head and shoulders in place, her face grinding into my chest. Her torso desperately tried to impale her hole deeper onto my rod. Her scream degenerated to an uncontrolled growling against me while I kept her back to the glass and up against my body. "Zane, I know I've been really needy today but you've been so kind and understanding, and I appreciate you putting up with me the kind way you have," Barbie Lynn snuggled into me. "You are the best." That's what I wanted to talk to Barbie Lynn about, taking me for granted and using me like a sex toy. Boy, I just saved myself from acting like a total ass! "Babe, you are better than I deserve." I kissed her neck as I lowered her legs down to the tiled floor. "If I ever take you for granted, promise me you'll kiss me, rub your body against me front and back, and then walk away. I guarantee you I'll fall on my knees and beg for forgiveness." "I like it when you beg," she said with a glimmer in her eye. "Why am I being nice to you again?" I teased. Barbie Lynn simply let her eyes go wide and innocent with a cute little smile on her face. "Oh, yeah," I whistled, "you give me hope, happiness, and warmth in good times and bad." "My body has nothing to do with it?" she questioned in a coquettish fashion. "It's passable," I shrugged as I cut the water off, "but I hope you will fill out one day, you know, quit the training bra and become a little more womanly." Mind you, Barbie Lynn hadn't seen a training bra in ten years. Hourglasses went to Barbie for lessons on how they should be shaped and her ass was the perfect balance between fantasy cheerleader and soccer girl. "Thank you for spending time with someone as poorly endowed as me," she purred. "I admit that I'm holding out for Doctor Burns. He's got it going on," I struggled to say convincingly. Barbie Lynn fought valiantly to hold back her reaction to the thought of seeing our over-70-year-old male Biology teacher in any sexual manner. "Burns without his clothes on is an image I could have forever gone without," she shuddered. "Gosh, I value you more than my own personal desires so I guess I'm stuck with you, Barbie Lynn," I sighed playfully. "Would you two get out of the shower!" barked Vivian. She was sitting in a chair in the main room. We stepped out of the shower, grabbed the waiting towels, and began drying each other off. Vivian surprised me by keeping a somewhat detached eye on the two of us. Maybe she wanted to make sure Barbie Lynn and I didn't turn drying into fondling, thus ending up with us rolling on the tiled floor. The floor would be uncomfortable but having hot, sweaty Barbie Lynn flesh pressing into me, I put this on my 'to do' list. We quickly got dressed and moved to where Vivian was standing and waiting. It wasn't until we were making our way to the elevator that Vivian spoke. "Barbie Lynn, would you take the elevator? Zane and I need to take the stairs," she said. "Sure thing, Vivian," Barbie Lynn smiled. She stepped up to me and kissed me on the lips. "I'll see ya Sunday night, slugger." "I kinda, sorta have a standing date with Heaven," I cautioned her, "so if you come by, be careful." I didn't miss Vivian rolling her eyes in exasperation. The elevator came and took Barbie Lynn away. I waved Vivian to the stairwell, held the door for her, and together we went down. "What are we going to do?" I broke the insufferable silence. "What do you mean?" Vivian evaded. "Damn it!" I snapped. Since I stopped moving, Vivian decided to stop too. "Yes?" she looked to me with what I was learning to read was a disarming friendliness. "I want to make you happy but I don't want to change, Vivian," I grumbled. "So, what are we going to do?" "How much of your time and energy are you willing to devote to Christ?" she countered. I had to think that over. Monday was no good; it was Recovery night. Tuesday was 'make it up to the girls' night. Wednesday was Specialty Night, Thursday, that was no good; it was Orgy Night. Friday was first date night, Saturday was SYFY/Party night and Sunday was second-date night. "I am on a committee at Church on Wednesday nights and I go to both Sunday school and Church service on Sundays," I offered. "Isn't that enough religious stuff?" "Zane, do you have sex at Church?" Vivian pierced me with her eyes. I was so boned because while I was preparing some sort of verbal obfuscation, Vivian sighed and looked down at the stairs. "Why do I even bother?" she moaned with despair. She looked up at me, clearly in pain, "It is a Church, Zane. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Because it definitely means something to me." "Vivian, it is a building, made of stained glass, brick, stone, and lumber," I responded heatedly, "and I don't need any of those to be in God's presence." "It was sex in a church," Vivian nearly screamed. "Come on, now, do you respect anything at all?" "You are right, I don't respect a building simply because someone declares it to be holy. I don't recall my vote being consulted. I don't respect people who bully with scripture but won't study the original Greek and Latin texts it was written in to learn what was really said. I don't respect anyone who refuses to think for themselves and listens to some two-bit liar like Pastor William." "He is your pastor," Vivian growled back. "He deserves, " "Nothing," I snapped. "He's an adulterer, and I've seen it with my own two eyes so don't you dare lecture me on him. If you defend him, it is only because you don't know shit about him." Vivian glared at me but I could see she was trying to see if I was making stuff up. "I respect you, Vivian, and that's no lie," I continued. "Since our fight I haven't a clue what to do with you but I have respected you. You believe in give and take; you believe in consequences and redemption. The only other person I've met like you is Iona. I trust Iona with more than my life; I trust her with Rio's." "Right now you are pissing the hell out of me, but that doesn't change the fact that I trust you and respect you," I added. "I don't need someone with spiritual authority to tell me what to do; my heart does that for me." "Zane, it is the constant sex," Vivian groaned. "I thought I could take it but it never seems to slow down with you." I had to think that over. "Vivian, you can't confuse love and sex," I insisted. "You are in love with your boyfriend and you two have been through some rough patches and survived. Sex without passion is masturbation, Vivian. If you are ever tempted, fall back on your love for that man because when you love something, there is nothing you will let stand in your way." I could see the turn in the argument defused some of Vivian's wrath and sent her mind down different pathways. "Okay, then why is it okay for you to have sex without love?" Vivian said as we resumed our progress downstairs. "I love in different ways, Vivian. I love Iona and Rio as best friends, there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I love Heaven and Paige because they do for me things that make me want to do for them right back. I love Brandi and Opal because they are fun and they give me the space to be me. I love Barbie Lynn, well, just because it feels natural and right. Christina, Christina, I will always love without cause or reason. I love her," I related. "If Christina asked you to stop seeing all those other women, would you?" Vivian asked with a glimmer of hope. "I don't know. Our pseudo-agreement lets me have my college years to go wild before I give it all up to be a good husband and father," I replied. "Are you thinking of going to Christina and asking for her help with me?" "Yes. Yes, I am," Vivian told me. "The only problem with that plan is that it requires Christina to declare her feelings toward me and make a commitment about what she wants to do with me," I pointed out. "Good luck with that." We hit the bottom of the stairs at a run and raced through the halls and doors on our way to the Dining Hall. We found Christina and company waiting outside for us when we got there. Christian handed a thick envelope over, my bribe to Deacon of the Warlord's motorcycle gang. "Heaven, date night Sunday? I've found a theater playing Hugo," I asked my fox-faced girl. "What? You think you can ask me out on Friday for a date on Sunday? What kind of girl do you think I am?" she growled. "Heaven, you weren't here for most of the week, and you have to admit the world had gone crazy. Come on, Babe," I pleaded. "I'll have to think about it," Heaven grumbled. Behind her back all her other friends were stifling their grins. All those grins fell behind impassive masks when Heaven turned around facing them and stomped back and forth. "What's the problem, Heaven?" Hope asked. "Barbie Lynn comes skipping across the yard from her dorm with a smile that outshines the Sun, Heaven began. "She said she's been doing intensive physical therapy," Christina interrupted. Yay! I've graduated to being considered exercise equipment. "Harrumph," Heaven grunted. "How come his hair is wet? Besides, he's taking another girl home for the weekend." "It's Iona," Chastity explained. "Think about how wound up he's going to be by Sunday evening, because you know he's not going to do anything Iona's uncomfortable with." "Yes," added Faith, "he'll be ready to knock 'em out of the ballpark after a whole weekend of physical denial. Maybe you shouldn't go out with him; he's probably going to be pretty fierce." Heaven glared at all her friends before turning on me. "Fine, I'll go out with you, but if I can still walk by curfew, you had better know I'm going to make next week hell for you. Are we clear?" Heaven threatened. "Is that all Zane is to you, a sexual release valve?" Vivian gasped before I could answer Heaven. "You are making light of a serious moral struggle for him." "Vivian, Zane was the first man to tell me he loved me and I've believed," Christina said. "He saved me from a fight and academic troubles by putting his body on the line," Chastity added. "Me too," continued Hope. "He pretty much saved my life," Faith chimed in, which oddly twisted back to ruining her life with Christina and company when I exposed her as the Chancellor's spy. Maybe the girls had made up somehow. "He's put up with more of my crap than I care to get into. He loves me for who I am, and he's my lover and boyfriend," Heaven clarified. "If you spent one night with Zane making love, you would know I'm more of an addict than anything else. It is just that I get, grumpy when he's not around every minute of every day." Everyone's eyes sort of gravitated toward me. "You are all great women but I have to go to class," I grinned, then took off. Vivian raced to catch up with me. "Do you have commitment issues?" she panted beside me. "No. I was getting hard. All that feminine compassion directed my way was getting me sexually aroused and they were all staring at my crotch," I explained. "I figured running away was the best resolution for what was coming down the pipeline." "Have you ever considered chemical castration?" Vivian asked. WHAT? The last quarter of the school day went rather well, considering I had to juggle balls once between classs. (Apparently I resemble a dancing bear or something.) My second chore required me to bounce a soccer ball on my knees for a trip to the soccer field. Considering some of the crap I've had to do here, I almost volunteered to do it walking backwards. Karate started out so surprisingly normal (not my normal, but normal-normal), I should have known better. We had barely finished warming up and stretching when Gabrielle Black walked into the room. She stood against the far wall poised for our dispersal into teams. When first team knelt and waited for Coach Gorman's instructions for today, Gabrielle made her approach. "Coach Gorman, we seem to have had some difficulty connecting so I decided this would be the best place to meet," Gabrielle said in a deceptively upbeat manner. "I'm teaching a class," Gorman replied deadpan. "I teach several classes. I guess that makes me a teacher. In fact, I'm teaching right now, get lost." "I'd rather not." Gabrielle gave her deadliest smile. "Care to make me?" They really need to start psychological testing of the staff at FFU, or at least stop giving them daily doses of testosterone. "Since reason and rationality have clearly avoided you like the plague," Gorman growled, "why don't you tell me what you have in mind?" "A little sparing match," Gabrielle suggested. "So you really need to see if you can kick my ass, or is it just that you have to be Alpha bitch?" Gorman countered. Several of the more religious-minded students gasped, but they didn't realize this wasn't a game. Someone needed to do something, and of course it had to be me. I didn't very well have the time to overdose Rio with caffeine and throw her at Gabrielle. Besides, I am sure that's a war crime. "Me first!" I declared as I broke free of my second-team circle and walked toward the two adults. This was the point where I expected one or both of the women to tell me to ass out, mind my own business, I'm stupid, or something. Gabrielle stepped back and stripped off her jacket and slipped off each boot. I figured that since I was about to die, I'd best get rid of my gi; that way they'd have something to drape over my lifeless eyes. "Zane, what are you doing?" Cappadocia belatedly hissed at me. "Eh, you know, sometimes a woman has to be put in her place," I joked. It wasn't like Gabrielle was going to take it easy on me in the first place. Several girls laughed at what they were sure was levity on my part. You see, I was about to become a legend. Unfortunately, it was the legend of Don Quixote, damn fucking windmills dressed in tight black form-fitting outfits. To the credit of my limited intellect, I approached this fight with a totally different philosophy than any I'd faced before. I discarded every tenet of Thai kick-boxing (except the one that says never do anything that will make the lady-boys mock you). I went completely defensive, abandoning any hope of striking Gabrielle. I figured if such an opportunity presented itself, it would only be a trap. It took Gabrielle about two seconds to unravel my master plan, then she was on me like a fart in an airplane bathroom, choking the life out of you with nowhere to run. Because I am such a badass, it took Gabrielle eight more seconds to land a telling blow. I staggered back but instead of coming at me, she shifted to my side. Since I had my arms up to defend my head, she was slipping out of my field of vision. There was an added bonus; I discovered I couldn't hear her move over the mats. I somersaulted in the other direction which bought me a few more seconds, but I never regained my feet. Once more she opted to shift to my flank than come head-on. A man on his knees cannot out-turn a woman on her feet. I caught her knee in my shoulder, propelling me face-first into the mat. I tried to turn with the blow so I could keep eyes on her. Gabrielle slammed into my shoulder blade and I slapped the mat hard. I pressed up with my arms but Gabrielle was on my back so fast I might as well have been standing still. For a second our legs struggled as she tried to put me into a leg lock. Then her body rolled over on me and drove three fingers into my spine right above the coccyx. Blinding pain exploded over my body and I screamed. I wasn't paralyzed but I didn't need to be; I was in too much God-damn pain. Gabrielle's body was tight against my back. One hand cupped my chin and the other was placed on the back of my skull. She gave my head a quarter-twist. "You are dead," she whispered. Technically, she would have merely snapped my spine at the base of my skull. My cells would have struggled on for a few more minutes but that hardly seemed to be the point. Gabrielle stood up within inches of me and gave me an emotionless, pitiless stare. "Did you get what you wanted?" she asked softly. "We'll see," I grunted, then rolled onto my back. "Did you put me in my place?" she queried next. I had to chuckle, then I had to choke back on the pain. "Oh, yeah, we are perfectly placed." Seeing her brows crowd together in displeasure, I added with a pained gasp, "You've clearly never stood on a mirror and looked up at your cleavage the way I am now." Gabrielle reached down and touched my wrist before letting her fingers work up to my elbow. She pulled me up quite rapidly and gave me a soulless, piercing gaze. "You are insane," Gabrielle noted. That wasn't said as a joke or a condemnation. She said it as if she was recognizing a kindred spirit. When you are ten years old, being best friends with an assassin sounds pretty cool. Most of us grow out of that. After all, being buddies with a person who has a casual disregard for human life might come back to haunt you if they ever decide you are an encumbrance they can do without. "When I beat you, can I draw a smiley face on your forehead?" I blurted out. Why did I say those things? Maybe it was a brain tumor, or maybe Gabrielle was right and I am insane. Maybe my buddy Don Quixote was telling me the windmill is still standing. "What do I get when I beat you, again?" she inquired. "I've developed an inside track on some authentic saltwater taffy," I shrugged. Gabrielle didn't seem very impressed. "I could feel honor-bound to jump on the next grenade thrown your way?" "I'll think of something when the time comes," Gabrielle informed me. Turning to Gorman, she said, "Are you ready?" "I'd like a, Wilhelmina started to say as she stood. Dana put a hand on Willy's shoulder and shook her head. "I've got this," Coach said. She stood up and discarded her gi, depending on your point of view, she was fortunately/unfortunately wearing a white sports bra. Wait! Am I in chest-to-chest proximity with Gabrielle while scoping out Dana? Was I dropped on my head repeatedly as a child? Maybe I should hunt down my former nanny and ask her. "Let's make Zane's idiocy, Dana continued telling Captain Willy, ", worth more than the beating he took." Gorman stripped off her pants, revealing white biker shorts. It was very cinematic; Gorman in white and Black in black. Sadly, I believed White needed some serious Divine intervention to win this showdown. "Zane," Gabrielle requested my attention with that deathly quiet voice of hers. I must have looked pretty scared because she almost smiled at me. "You can let go of my hand now." Jumping back felt like a surefire way to test her killer instinct so I let go of her hand and backed away slowly and carefully. Only after I gave us some space did I contemplate the trust she'd put in me, allowing anyone to be that close outside of combat. I was walking past Dana when she grabbed my shoulder, stopping my progress. She pointed me to the spot on the floor she had just vacated. Wow, I had my ass kicked and still made First Team. I moved over to my new place in the hierarchy and thanked Dana in the only way I knew how. "Does this mean you are going to sit on my lap when you get back?" I said with a voice as sincere as I was serious. "Zane," Coach Gorman said over her shoulder. She was keeping her eyes on Gabrielle, "when I get back, I am giving grave consideration to having a general melee, and I'm placing a bounty on your head if we do. You will have all weekend to recover." A general melee sounded a whole lot like a 'beat up the new guy' kind of thing, and I had planned on devoting my weekend to Iona. Further banter was ended by Black and Gorman facing off. Willie gave the 'Go' and things went John Wu-crazy. My bright shining moment was delivered right off the bat. Gorman went fullout, denying Gabrielle the ability to control the maneuvering in the fight the way she'd controlled me. My beating hadn't been in vain; Gabrielle undoubtedly knew Gorman's fighting style but Dana knew nothing of hers. My body had bought Dana what little insight Gabrielle had been willing to give up. After all, Gabrielle knew my game from the moment I'd thrown out my challenge. Still, she had to beat me up to get at Dana. I could take on most members of the first team and, as Dana constantly reminds the world, I can take a beating, which meant I was the body for the job. I've fought Gorman on several occasions and she's damn impressive. Gabrielle was doing crap I'd never seen before and I wasn't even sure was humanly possible. I swear, if she'd turned into a Terminator, I couldn't have been more surprised. Dana's fighting prowess only went up in my estimation because she wasn't impaled on Gabrielle's fist in the first thirty seconds. It wasn't a misstep that screwed up Dana's game plan; her mistake was predictability. One second she was pushing Gabrielle back and the next she was on the floor, struggling to keep Gabrielle from establishing a chokehold. For a second I contemplated grabbing up Cappy and Willy, then rushing Gabrielle. After all, it would have been a shame for Dana to die alone. It would also seriously curtail my desire for an open-casket funeral but hey, Dana is almost a friend. Dana wasn't finished yet. Unknown to me, she has the ability to dislocate and relocate her shoulder. No one in the class wanted to consider how painful that had to be. The loud popping noise was enough to make us decide to miss dinner. Dana got an elbow and fist in before they separated. They went at it again, but this time, it was harder on Dana. I could feel that her confidence was shaken now that she had a clearer measure of Gabrielle's strengths and weaknesses. Gabrielle remained a steadfast cypher. If Dana was turning out to be a tougher opponent to crack than she'd expected, Gabrielle wasn't showing it. What she was doing was exhibiting the iron stamina of a triathlete. Dana wasn't fighting for air but I didn't see Gabrielle even breaking a sweat yet. Had I been Dana, this would have been the time I started crying out to a vengeful God for forgiveness. Dana didn't do that. Instead, digging down to her dogged determination and fighting on, her game, her gamble, was for Gabrielle to screw up somehow and take advantage of it. She had to hope that something came up before her endurance failed. And in the fourth minute of the fight, it happened. Of course it was a trap. I couldn't blame Dana for risking it because fighting hard, non-stop, for over four minutes is its own form of torture. Gabrielle caught Dana's leg, swept the other one out from under our Coach, then finished up with driving an elbow into her hip as they hit the mat. There is fast, unbelievably fast, a weasel on speed, and then Gabrielle, and if you gave a weasel enough speed to keep up with Gabby, the weasel would explode first. Dana is fast, but I'm faster and I know I didn't have a prayer of blocking Gabrielle at this point in their fight. The blow to Gorman's hip seemed to have temporarily paralyzed that leg. Without the leg, her torso below the ribcage was fatally exposed. Getting repeatedly punched in the stomach sucked. Sadly, Dana thought the same thing and totally missed Gabrielle flipping her over onto her stomach. Gabrielle came down with a palm to the center of Dana's spine. It had to hurt, but I had little doubt that if Gabby had used her fist, the spine would have been broken. "We are done here," Gabrielle announced calmly as she rose to her feet. No one said a word until Dana stirred on the ground. With varying degrees of speed, the first team swarmed over Dana. I alone approached Gabrielle. After she finished dressing and stood, she acknowledged my presence. "Did you learn what you wanted to know?" I asked. "Yes," she stated, once more into her emotionless mode. "Then you asked the wrong question." I drilled her with a combination of bravery and anger. Gabrielle walked away without acknowledging my statement. She got to the door and stopped before exiting through the door. "What do you think I should have asked?" she said with a vapor of condescension. "You should have asked us if we can help," I told her. Maybe I'm na ve, but I'm sure she's facing her past alone. Purity is a paradox; we are awed by it yet we are repulsed by it as well. Vivian was terribly subdued as she walked me back to the dorm. It was the two of us because my Handmaiden mistress was Erica, a second-team Karate classmate. She'd given me a rain check due to the trauma we had all just been through during class. "You can use my room this weekend if you like," I broached the silence. "I'll ask Rio and Mercy to be somewhere else and Barbie Lynn can stay with you." "I don't want to sleep with Barbie Lynn, Zane," Vivian replied. "I want to sleep in my own bed." "That's bull- , I decided saying "shit", while a minor infraction, wouldn't do my argument any good. "You know Barbie Lynn to be kind-hearted and decent. She's not going to molest you. You two will be totally platonic." "I don't know what to think," she replied. "I never thought Barbie Lynn would be the one to have sex outside of marriage." "I knew she was flirty but that was it," she continued. "Now, now she's moved into your room and is having sex with you as if you were a married couple." She sighed. "Fine, not like a 'normal' married couple so we don't need to go there." Ah, no mention of anal sex I see. "Vivian, I don't like to talk about my relationships with other women but I think Barbie Lynn would understand," I tried to explain. "There was no seduction between us, we collided. I showed up at FFU pretty depressed. I'd spent a long month with my Aunt trying to adjust to America and a place and lifestyle I didn't know." "My Aunt and I fought a lot and that Sunday Pastor Bill and his buddies tried to shake me down for my inheritance. I had the feeling that is why they wanted Aunt Jill in their church, and after all the crap Jill had been through, I felt that sucked," I said. "I'm in my room, sad and pissed off, then Barbie Lynn Masters comes soaring into my life." "She thought I was 'Glenda's' brother, I told her my name was Zane, and next thing I knew we were all over one another. She gave me a blowjob and I gave her multiple orgasms and we parted ways. She thought she might see me once a month and I had no idea this was a girl's college. You are aware of the humiliation that followed," I concluded. "Zane, that explains nothing," Vivian observed. "Okay, I could have been clearer," I admitted. "What I was trying to say is that Barbie Lynn didn't change. I allowed her to do what she wanted to do with a guy all along. She is still the same woman who goes after life full of enthusiasm, who likes to work with kids, teaching Sunday school and going to church." "And you want me to sleep with her when I've avoided the pleasure for the past three years?" Vivian refused to give in. "I'd want you to sleep with Iona if she wasn't already heading out with me. I have a few others I could ask but that would be awkward. I like Opal and Brandi but I also know they'd hit on you if given half a chance," I outlined. "I can sleep alone, Zane," Vivian stated. "I know that, but do you want to?" I asked. Vivian didn't immediately reply. "You climbed into bed with me and some of the ladies, Vivian. There is a certain quality provided by a sleeping companion that you enjoy. You wanted it enough to put some faith in me and Barbie Lynn last night," I added. "Zane, why are you making a big deal about this?" Vivian inquired. "Your happiness matters to me," I answered. Vivian and I walked into the dorm and into the elevator before she spoke. "Coach Gorman warned me about this," Vivian groaned. "Do you realize how much easier my life would be if you grabbed my breast or something like that?" "Is that an invitation?" I perked up. "No," she stated decisively. Her glare emphasized the point. "I mean my job keeping the Devil in line would be easier if he wasn't constantly giving me my favorite cupcakes." "What's your favorite cupcake?" I grinned. "Behave yourself," she sighed, somewhat amused and somewhat exasperated. "Yes, ma'am," I nodded. "That's a good boy," Vivian acknowledged. "When I'm a good boy Heaven gives me a ginger cookie," I prodded. "We are Not going to go there," Vivian declared authoritatively, and that was that. I thought I would have to stop by and pick up Iona Beckett on my way out. I was obviously forgetting I was dealing with the most organized person I'd ever met. I know Iona looks after all her own affairs and most of mine, plus I suspect she keeps an eye out for Rio as well. She was waiting in the main area of my 'room' when Vivian and I arrived, her overnight bag beside her. I gave her a kiss and hurried to my room, where someone had already packed a weekend worth of stuff for me. I do not deserve one tenth of the affection aimed my way. Being hung by my toes from a ceiling fan is a small price to pay for what I receive. Still, I make a note to avoid girls with bizarre foot fetishes while in close proximity to ceiling fans, my life is pretty freaking weird enough already. I gathered my stuff, gathered up Iona, and made my good-byes. Brandi was kind enough to snuggle up to my back, reach around and pinch my nipples. It was playful, not painful, so I didn't mind too much. Besides, I had bigger fish to fry. When I told Rio that she'd need to share another bed with Mercy for the weekend she nodded. "No problem, Bro," Rio told me. She then stepped up under the guise of hugging me good-bye and tried to nut me. She's a dangerous friend to have but since I can count her public displays of affection for me on one hand, I was ready for her. "Damn it," Rio snarled, "you can't give my room to that Jesus-freak!" By 'my room' she really meant my (Zane's) room and 'Jesus-freak' was Vivian, who was eight feet away looking at her. "It isn't going to kill you two to behave for two days, Rio," I stated. Mercy, standing right behind Rio, remained unfortunately silent on the subject. "Rio, if you two would agree to abstain until I got back, I'd be willing to let you stay, but you are the King Kong of bedroom antics and Vivian needs the space," I explained. "Fine, we'll crash at Aunt Jill's," Rio smirked. "I'm sure she can't shut the door before I get a foot in. She's far too nice to break it or kick me out." Oh yeah, I cannot begin to describe what Jill's reaction to a Mercy-Rio lesbian love-fest at 2:00 in the morning would be like. It would probably involve paramedics and a defibrillator. "Okay," I shrugged. I fished out my keys and tossed them to Rio. "Sweet!" Rio trumpeted. "We'll meet you at the car." "We are not going," I corrected Rio. "Iona and I will stay here, camp out on a sleeper-sofa, and take in some Pay-per-View. Come by and pick us up for the party around nine tomorrow night." "Your loss, Princess," Rio mocked me and walked away. Mercy loyally padded along. "I'm sorry, Iona," I said to my petite friend. "I promise I'll make it up to you." "I'm not looking for any particular place but a particular man," she smiled serenely. "Sadly, I still have a piece of business to attend to and I see the person I need to see," I said as I spotted Valerie playing a competitive game of pool versus Raven of all people. When Valerie had taken her shot I stepped up to her side. "Can I catch a ride to the Dixie Roadhouse in the next few minutes?" I whispered. "Sure. Wait,  are you expecting me to hang around when you go inside?" Val smirked. "I've already gone a round with Gabrielle Black today so I don't feel I deserve a second ass-whooping. I'd appreciate you sticking around at least until the gunfire starts," I chuckled. "Fine, I'll stay, but you'll owe me one," Valerie smiled. "By the way, how tough is Gabrielle?" "I'll let you know when my concussion fades," I responded. "That good, huh?" Valerie persisted. "In less than thirty seconds she snapped my neck. It took her less than five minutes to break Dana's back after that, and right there at the end I swore I saw a lone bead of sweat on Gabrielle's brow," I related. "Just so we are clear; if I ever see her chasing your ass down like Gorman did that day, you are on your own," Valerie snorted. "I thought you were a bad-ass," I taunted her. I really didn't want her fighting Ms. Black on my behalf. "Granddad is a bad-ass; I'm a teenage girl who is good with bikes and can handle myself in a brawl but I'm not a true bad-ass. What I am is smart enough to not attempt the craziness that is your life," she huffed. "Being smarter than me is hardly an accomplishment to be proud of," I jibbed back. Raven, who had been pretending to not be eavesdropping, made this choking sound at that comment. "Let me finish Raven off and I'll take you there," Valerie said. "Valerie, she's killing you," I noted. "I like a challenge," Valerie countered. She must because Raven only had one ball left to sink while Valerie had four. Less than a minute later Raven sent Valerie and I heading for the stairs. Iona gave me a slight nod and grin. Rio came storming up at us half-way down. "You motherfucker," she snarled. "Problems?" I replied cautiously. "Mercy said she wasn't going with me," Rio growled. "What did you do?" I asked. "I slapped the bitch," Rio retorted. I could tell that pissed Valerie off; I wasn't too happy either. "You put her up to this, didn't you?" "I certainly did. I told her that she was going to have to step up instead of taking advantage of you all the time," I explained. "Did it hurt?" Rio knew I wasn't talking about Mercy's pain. "Yes," she rumbled. "If I can't trust her, I can't use her." "Whatever you decide to do, I'll live with," I shrugged. "I hope you know how hard it was for her to do what she did." Thankfully, Valerie was far more controlled than Rio and judged the conversation to be too delicate for her input. "Mercy is my deal, Zane. She's my responsibility and I'll take care of her without your interference," Rio stated aggressively. "It doesn't work that way. People aren't one dimensional and you can't expect to help people and not have them change," I countered. "You changed Mercy, for the better, and that includes her desire to take up some of the responsibility you've borne onto her shoulders. And the only reason for her to do that is, you annoy her so much." "Yeah," Rio finally deflated, "she was looking pretty miserable." "Buddies take your pizza; friends take your pain, Rio. Get used to the fact that there are three of us standing beside you when you need us," I reminded her. "I wasn't asking for anyone's help," Rio insisted. "In that case, get in Zane's car and take a trip. When the cops finally pull you over you will have three years friend-free in prison," Valerie now interjected. "Ha!" Rio snorted. "That's no good. Zane already promised to break me out if I get sent away." "Zane," groaned Valerie, "do you have even a passing acquaintance with common sense?" "I get a lot of that," I answered. "What now, Rio?" "I go back to my room," she sighed, "apologize to Mercy, then come back upstairs and work out a deal with Vivian for use of your room." "No tying them up and gagging Vivian and Barbie Lynn in their sleep," I cautioned Rio. "Fuck you," Rio muttered darkly. "Fuck you and your mind-reading ability. Fine, I'll be good, okay, I'll be as good as I can be." With that, Rio tossed me back my keys and then bounded downstairs and out the door. "I swear to God I would have tossed her out a window by now, if I were you," Valerie snorted. "Umm, she grows on you, kind of like a tapeworm," I chuckled. "I think my invitation to catch a bullet has been voided now that you have your keys back," Valerie noted. "I'll catch you tomorrow night." "Sure thing, but I may need you for that 'thing' if I can set up a meeting," I replied. That thing was meeting up with a possible undercover officer which held the possibility of being a real disaster. Valerie was being kind enough to ignore her instincts, and her advice to me, by helping me out. Valerie shook her head in skeptical amusement at my poor decision-making before we walked back upstairs. That bit of drama over, I swooped in, picked up Iona (figuratively) and escaped my room before anyone else could intervene. I thought we were doing quite well until I spotted someone sitting on the hood of my car, with a suitcase. "Hey, Paige, what's up?" I inquired with a good deal of exasperation. It was kind of stupid, actually. I knew exactly what she was doing here; I hadn't invited her and I didn't want her coming along on Iona's weekend. "I thought I'd let you spend the weekend with me," Paige smiled smugly. A light breeze tossed her alabaster hair across her translucent albino features. "You are late, by the way." "No, Paige, this is Iona's, I started to say. "It would be wonderful spending the weekend with you, Paige," Iona stepped up and hugged her. "It will be so great; their house is huge, Aunt Jill is so kind, and there is the sorority right next door." "Okay, Paige, you can come along, but this is a no sex weekend. Are we clear?" I warned her. "We'll see," Paige smirked. "I plan to sleep both nights in his bed, completely naked and rubbing against him," Iona beamed. "He'll crack," Paige wagered. "No, he won't. I trust him," Iona pledged. Paige appraised me for a second. "Okay, I'm game. We'll see if we can break him," Paige allowed. I once joked with some Kappa Sigmas about joining a monastery. I'm being driven to reconsider that option. After that exchange I was happy enough to make it to my home in one piece. I'd have been happier if there wasn't a police car in the driveway. I was walking onto the porch when my ladies spoke up. "Zane, why would the police be here?" Iona worried. "Zane, if they arrest you and I then attack them, will they let us share a cell?" Paige mused. "Iona, I have a few ideas and none of them are good," I responded. "Paige, they don't house men and women together, but I can probably smuggle a message to your side and tell all the lesbians what a screamer you are." Iona didn't get to question and Paige didn't get pick on me before I opened the door and went inside. "Hey, Aunt Jill," I called out, "I'm home and I've brought Iona Beckett and Paige Zeller with me." We had already talked over Iona's stay with Jill; Paige would be a whole new series of complicated hurdles. "Zane," Aunt Jill greeted me heartily. She was coming off her lounger while Officer Danica Campbell rose from the sofa and gave me a measured look. "This is Officer Campbell of the Lancaster Police and she has an official criminal matter to discuss with you," Jill finished in a worried tone. "Mr. Braxton, if I could have a word with you on the porch," Danica put forth the question that wasn't really a request. "Of course, officer," I responded. "Ladies, could you please hang out here with Aunt Jill for a few minutes and I should be back as soon as possible." I walked back to the porch. When Danica passed me, I shut the door and we turned to face one another. "Zane," Danica smiled. "Hey, it is good to see you, Officer Danica Campbell, but I have a feeling this isn't a social call," I sighed. "You are correct. There was an incident at the Dixie Roadhouse last night and your name came up during the inquiry. The Sheriff's Department contacted the PD and I decided that it would be more discrete that I meet you at your home as opposed to on campus," Danica related. "What can you tell me about the Dixie Roadhouse?" "I went there with a few buddies, got into a fight, and beat a Warlord named Big Ted into unconsciousness," I informed Danica. "What do you know about a guy named Peter 'Deacon' Baker?" Danica asked. "He's like a big deal with the local chapter but I don't actually know the guy," I replied. She studied me for a moment then appeared to accept me at my word. "This is a different crop of girls," she said with smirk. "Yes, they are friends of mine. Iona is a best bud and Paige is, Paige. She's very smart but very hard to get along with at times too," I explained. "How is your other friend?" She tried to sound casual. "I was curious if she'd be here tonight." "I'll tell her that," I grinned. "It will make her week when she hears you've asked about her. She still thinks you are very special." "She's quite a handful," she grinned back. "Not that I'm complaining. I can hardly get over the sensation of her nipples on my back as she drove into me." Heaven was going to love that, I was sure. Her eyes wandered northward to the adjoining property. "More girls?" I followed her gaze to see three Kappa Sigmas coming through the tree-line. "Those are some Kappa Sigma sorority sisters, friends of mine. They are cool," I told her. "Uh-huh," she sounded skeptical. "There has to be a story behind that that statement, I'm willing to bet." She pulled out a business card from her breast pocket. "Here's my card, in case something regarding the case occurs to you, or whatever." The girls were almost on us so I had to whisper. "You aren't, like, married, or divorced from somebody with violent tendencies, are you?" I inquired softly. "No," she chuckled, "and cause for you asking that question has to be yet another interesting story, I'll bet. Maybe you can tell me about it if we get together." "Mr. Braxton," she said a bit louder as she took a half-step back from me, "have a good weekend and try to stay out of trouble." "I'll do my best, Officer Campbell," I responded. "Ladies," she made a passing recognition of the Kappa Sigs as she left the porch and headed for the car. Only when Danica's cruiser pulled onto the road did the Kappas speak. "Hey, Zane," Leigh spoke up first, "isn't that the speed trap lady?" "Yeah, she's nailed me before," I admitted, and immediately regretted my choice of words. "Really?" Paris prodded me. "Isn't she a bit old for you?" "No, speed trap, she pulled me over but I got off with a warning ticket," I back-pedaled. "So, she got you off," Ferrara skewered me. "Which of her orifices was required for that?" "Aarrrggh," I cried heavenward. "Fine, Iona and Paige Keller are inside. Together with Jill, they will be making dinner for those of us who care to share our table. I have to go a bar and pay off a biker gang chieftain before he hunts me down and kills me." "Can we come along?" Leigh smiled. "We don't want to fight or anything like that, but I'd like to get some video of it, in case something fun happens." "That's right," Ferrara joked. "Something like him being beaten up, shot, stabbed, or killed. Leigh, Zane has sustained two beatings on our behalf. Let's not go for a third time before the month's out." "He didn't take a beating in the second fight," Paris corrected her sister. She was right; in the fight at the mall my opponents hadn't landed a blow. "I heard he was pretty roughly abused when he went to jail over that," Ferrara gave me a knowing smile. "All that conjecture is fascinating, ladies, but I do have a guy to pay off so go inside, make yourself at home, and I'll be back soon," I announced. I kissed each sister; Ferrara on the cheek, Paris on the lips, and Leigh with a tonsillectomy. I double-timed it to my car and didn't look back. The Fading Light And The Lord Mafia. I made it to the Dixie Roadhouse five minutes late. There were only fifteen bikes parked out front so I figured that if something went wrong I'd only be kinda dead, as opposed to the totally dead, killed in five or more fashions. There were three biker babes outside the door, drinking beers and talking; one was thankfully Willa. I made sure I had the money before disembarking from my car and heading in. "Hi there, Zane," Willa greeted me. I recalled that Belle would be working at the bar near UV campus tonight and tomorrow. "Hey, Willa, Katt, and Janet," I grinned. "Willa, if I get out of this, can I have a moment of your time when I get back?" "Sure," Willa seemed curious. "I would like to talk to you too." That was a bit odd but okay. When I entered the Dixie Roadhouse it took me a moment for my eyes to adjust but I knew where Deacon's table was from my last visit. Deacon was there with two of his associates, all in similar states of disrepair. My first thought was: What in the hell happened to them? The second was: Wow, they let someone in a half-body cast out of the hospital rather quickly these days. It looked like a herd of water buffalo had worked out the dance routine from that prison scene in the play Chicago, he had it coming, all over their bodies. None of his infirmities kept Deacon from glaring with horrible malevolence at me as I approached. "Here is your five thousand dollars," I stated as I lay the envelope on the table. None of them made a move on the money and I began to worry. Then I took in the full effects of their injuries and I figured out that not one of the three could reach over and get it. I opted to push the money across the table to the closest cripple. One of the guys managed, with some pain, to pick up the envelope and count the money. "It is all here," the guy mumbled to Deacon. I could see in Deacon's eyes that his hate for me was far from quenched but I didn't know why. It wasn't like I came back and kicked his ass, oh fuck, maybe I had. "I'll be going, then," I said as I backed up four steps. "I hope you feel better next time we meet." With that, I rapidly evacuated myself from the building. I found myself de-stressing next to Willa outside. "So, who in the hell fucked up Deacon and his buddies that bad?" I inquired. "Some people were hoping you could tell us," Willa prodded. "It wasn't me if that is what you are worried about," I assured her. "Tell me what happened." "From what little we've been told or been able to figure out, Deacon and his two senior officers stepped out to their rides around 11:30 last night when they got jumped," Willa related. "Then it gets weird, weirder," Katt continued. "Their attackers dragged them thirty yards over to the electrical shed," she pointed. That way no one could see them from the bar. "Then they proceeded to beat the ever-living hell out of them," Janet concluded, then took a swig of beer. I had to think about that for a moment. "Didn't they see who did it?" I questioned. "Blackbeard and Booth (who I assumed were the other two broken bikers) were knocked out before they saw anything and Deacon hasn't related what he saw, his jaw is wired shut because it's been broken in four places," Willa tried and failed to hide her grin. I had to think about that for a second; Deacon's jaw looked like it was carved out of granite. "Ladies (an affectation they found amusing), if Deacon and his two buddies had gotten into a fight outside the Roadhouse, wouldn't the rest of you come running, and wouldn't they have called out if they saw a gang of guys they didn't know coming toward them?" I ruminated. "That makes sense," Katt confirmed, "but what does that mean?" "One person," I muttered; "one really, really skilled person." "No way," Janet shook her head. "I can and have one-punched a person and I'm only so good," I countered. "I would have figured out which bike was Deacon's, picked the third one closer to the door to hide behind. After that, when he passed by me, I would come around the bike at a crouch-run and kick the closest target where the ear and jaw meet. If I do it right his brain beats around inside his skull a few times and it's lights out," I explained. "It looks like you've given this some thought," Willa observed. "No; the move is standard kick-boxing and the tactics are the usual for ambushing a dangerous animal. If you come at it head-on, you might still win but the price is much higher. Deacon and the other two talking in a place they felt safe was the 'distraction' for the ambush," I explained. "Oh," Willa contemplated the scenario. I could see her eyes walk over the parking lot as she considered the events playing out. "Of course, that still leaves you facing two opponents, right around six feet and 220 to 240 who are adept at violence," I pointed out. "If you could hit the second guy the same way fast enough and somehow render the last one incapable of speech, Willa concluded. "You would have to be insanely fast and if someone was that good, what would they be doing at a biker bar in Lancaster, Virginia?" "Don't you know? This is the destination of choice for all international assassins on the run?" I joked. "Willa, can I have that moment now?" She shrugged, grinned, and walked with me to my car. It was refreshing to be side-by-side with a woman not interested in jumping my bones. If she'd been a lesbian instead of what she was, it would have been perfect. "You are too young for me, Zane," Willa headed me off. "Cool," I answered, which was not what she expected. "I need to talk with you a bit but not here. I don't want to risk anyone else listening in." Now Willa appeared to be curious. "Okay. The abandoned roadside motel on Chandler Road, 2:00 pm tomorrow," she responded. "Thanks, Willa. And also, do you know where I can get some fake ID's?" I asked as I got into my car. "I'll see what I can dig up," Willa smirked. She rejoined her buddies on the porch and was chatting away as I took off for home. I knew that my ordeal for this evening was far from over. There still was the hurdle of finding a place for Paige to sleep and making sure she stayed in the room Jill and I agreed on. The struggle with Jill over Rio had been epic enough; I certainly didn't expect the sounds of women's laughter and modern music to be the first thing I heard when I stepped out of my ride. Mind you, Jill thought Rio still had moral fiber. If I told Rio she had even a single moral fiber left she'd span Heaven and Earth hunting the mythical beast down a la King Pellinore. On the plus side, Aunt Jill knew nothing of Paige so I could play up that angle. I walked indoors to a chorus of 'hey' and 'Zane' coming from the kitchen. I strode into a flurry of dinner-prep activity. Apparently we were attempting Italian sausage ravioli, broccoli & carrots, mashed potatoes, salad, and gazpacho. Okay, I was pretty sure Jill thought ravioli was the invention of Chef Boyardee and

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Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 17 I Need A Bigger Bed? In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             Being dead is wonderful; you never get tired and you have all the time in the world to regret how you ended up this way      Yes, Rio," Mercy wiggled in even tighter, "you can annoy me whenever you want." I was starting to seriously work over Heaven's butthole when I caught Barbie Lynn move her lips over to Rio's ear. "You rock," Barbie Lynn whispered to my 'Bro'. Rio kept her eyes shut but grunted in disgust. She was a stone-cold pitiless bad-ass who cared about nothing and nobody, just ask her. "Are you putting your whole god-damn fist up my ass?" Heaven hissed. "That's my thumb, ya big baby," I quietly teased. We owed it to our bed buddies to keep the noise down as much as possible. "That's right, Big Daddy, tear my poor little hinny up," she pouted devilishly. She was on top so she had to press her tits hard against me to whisper in my ear. "Next time I want to be alone so you can treat me like your dog-bitch, press my face into a pillow to stifle my screams, and drill me deeper than you've ever reached before." "Are you trying to make me cum before I even get inside you?" I gasped. "Oh, God, no," Heaven squeaked. "Don't you dare, please," she begged. "You make me feel so good. I'm sorry I teased you. We can take it slow if you want." "If you want to make me happier, play with yourself and let me feel it," I breathed. Heaven struggled for words before giving up and grunting. Her hips shook as she accelerated her hand's manipulations of her cock, which rested tightly against my stomach. At the same time, I switched up my one thumb with three fingers in her rectum. Heaven gave a choked whimper as she took my intrusion tentatively, then pushed down even harder. As my bulbous head pressed past her sphincter, Heaven hiccupped and tears welled in her eyes. "I, I, did the calculations," she gulped. "If I, have sex with you, every twelve hours, my rectum will, adjust so sex, will be more, fun." "You figured this all out?" I teased. "Purely scientific, I swear," she grinned. "It is, not because, I want to, fuck you, all the time." "I respect you for your mind, Heaven, but this time I think you might be too close to the subject matter," I tickled her back. She took hold of my cock. "Too close to this," she gulped. I swiveled my hips back and forth, sending my cock deeper and deeper into Heaven. She eventually gave up any hopes of a coherent argument and curled herself onto my chest, panting. "Hello, Lover," I told her in near silence. "Thank you, my Bitch," she responded between kisses to the line where the jaw meets the throat. The rest of what either one of us wanted to say was lost as I rocked my hips up, propelling my cock even deeper into her bowels. Heaven clawed at my chest as her sexual tension ramped up. Eventually, our symmetry brought Heaven struggling to the end of her road. "Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend," she gurgled. "He's my Boyfriend!" she screamed. At least she didn't use my name, unless you counted the fact that I was the only boy on campus. "Oh, damn," Heaven gasped for air. "Thanks for bringing me back, Zane." We kissed passionately. "Thanks for the, attitude adjustment too." "Huh?" I wondered. I'd heard the term before but not from someone who regularly talked with Heaven. "Iona posted the slang," Heaven gasped-giggled. I shifted my head from the right side of Heaven's head to the left. My shock must have registered with Heaven, whose gaze went from my face to looking over her shoulder to the form of Gabrielle Black. Heaven scrambled off me and pulled the sheets tight. Shades of Gabrielle Black "We need to talk, Zane Braxton." I saw Gabrielle's lips move but I was pretty sure the words floated across the room without disturbing the ears of anyone around us. I gave her a nod, planted on Heaven a reassuring, full-on kiss, then quick-stepped over to a wardrobe and put on a robe. She followed me out, keeping a keen eye on me while mostly hanging in my blind spot. Vivian was sound asleep as we passed her. I took Gabrielle to the far corner of the Solarium, locating a remote control when we were close. Ms. Black gave me a fatally cold look as I punched in the code that would give us a dead zone electronically to talk in. "Surveillance," I held up the remote. She understood the implications. "I want to see more of your so-called gift with women." I had no doubt this was not a sexual come-on. I would have been a hell of a lot happier if it was; instead, it put me in a situation I knew very little about. "Strip," I requested, with as much calm as I could instill in my voice. Gabrielle gave me a lightning assessment, then started shedding her perpetually black outerwear and lingerie. When she finished, the words 'Hot Damn' came up a ton of times unbidden to my thoughts. I worked out regularly, took martial arts, and stretched whenever I could. I might as well have been a coach potato as far as Gabrielle was concerned. She wasn't bulky; rather, strong in the long muscles that counted more for strength and stamina. I still managed to have the courage to ask her to extend her arms and spread her legs. Hell, I even touched her ass, thigh, and caressed the right shoulder twice. When I finished up, I was before her once more. I leaned on the back of a chair and waited, I had taken five minutes, where in most cases it took seconds, but this woman's body wove deceptions like a champion. "Well?" she finally gave in to her curiosity before I gave in to my fear. "Well, I imagine the most important thing to you at this second is the wrists. I did spend some time in a high-pressure private academy in my formative years and I know the difference between horizontal and vertical. Horizontal cuts on the wrist are a cry for help, vertical show a real desire to die." "Now, I can't know for sure that you didn't make two attempts but you look like you're insanely intense, emphasis on the insane, so I guess some fucked up shit happened to you that made you damn sure the only answer was to check out permanently," I stated evenly. "What now?" she questioned me, her intonation utterly devoid of emotion or compassion. "I'd like to tell you what I tell every other woman I learn a secret about, that your past is your business and your business alone," I sighed. "But?" she prodded me. "Gabrielle, your body is a roadmap of pain, suffering, and death," I shrugged, "and there is no damn way you came to this school legally." Gabrielle studied me in a way that made an icy fist grasp my heart. "Of course, I am hardly a poster child for someone who does belong at FFU. Are you going to kill me now or do you want me to continue?" I inquired hopefully. "Mr. Braxton, Zane, the wiring in this place is sub-standard and clearly unauthorized. I would choke you unconscious, put you in the hot tub, then electrocute you," she informed me with the air of a professor describing the events of tenth century Anglo-Saxon England. "I will not do this right now because you are terrified of me, which shows a great deal of insight and intelligence, somewhat remarkable in someone so young," she added. "Okay. Something allowed you to slip past the Psych Evaluation to get into someone's military; I could put that down to being experience with the system plus being clever enough to fool the testers," I said. "Once inside, something fucked up your perception of authority, something not good. I figure you are obsessed with physical defense, bi-sexual, yet your sexual attitude toward me is one of contempt. Since you don't know me enough to hold me in contempt yet, you were abused by a man in authority over you," I delivered the bad news. Gabrielle did not respond. "This is total conjecture but it patches in with what comes later; you entered some kind of actual combat duty. You learned not only that you were good at killing but you liked it. It substituted for sexual release and that whole risk-pain thing you have kept until today. I count six bullet wounds, a knife wound on the back above the right kidney, and two things I guess are shrapnel wounds but I've never seen any before to compare," I added. "I imagine you got out of the regular service because the level of your medical care diminished for a while, then, Bang!, you got this expensive plastic surgery. You do okay for maybe three years, then you pick up that nick in your left ankle, followed by the shoulder getting done," I said. "No indications of why these two injuries?" she narrowed her eyes. "I'm going to go all James Bond on you. Gabrielle Black fell for somebody hard and I'm betting it was a woman. It is kind of frightening to think of what kind of psycho she was to lure you in and trap you," A light flickered in her eyes when I went down this path. "You guarded her, became very close to her as a parade of lovers passed through her life until she sucked you in." "One day you found yourself killing for her and I doubt you asked why. I doubt there was only one time but in the end, it was never enough. One night you came back and found this year's model on the payroll. Gabrielle Black is way too smart to wait for this to play out. You loved her but you liked living more, so you escaped before you were introduced to your employer's retirement plan," I grimaced. "You came back to the United States, your accent indicates time in France or Italy, and this job fell into your lap. Lancaster, Virginia is out of the way enough for you to hide in while close enough to several major cities for you to move around if you need to, so you edit your work record and hire on at an all-girls university," I finished. "What now?" "I don't kill you and Vivian. Making two deaths look like an accident would be incredibly difficult; murder-suicide would only make your female cohorts dig deeper and there are some serious advantages in staying here for me," she stated. Sensing my confusion, she clarified. "Vivian has been awake for some time observing us but I doubt she can hear what we are saying." Gabrielle finished redressing; she gave me a once-over. "My turn. What makes you hard? Seriously, you have been perpetually aroused since I've met you," she mused. "There is a bit of a list: fear, joy, sunlight, moonlight, sex, the impossibility of sex, I informed her. "I understand," Gabrielle cut me off. "Who are you going to tell?" "Christina Buchanan, Cordelia Dresden, and Dana Gorman." I decided that lying would do me worse than no good; I might get one or two lies past Gabrielle and this wasn't the time to waste one. "Good enough. But if there are repercussions from tonight, I will feel far less tolerant toward you," she made sure I understood. I was happy that this looked like a painless parting of the ways. "Thank you," I spoke to her retreating form. She looked over her shoulder questioningly. "For taking me seriously," I explained. She gave a curt nod, turned, and departed. Vivian pretended to be asleep when I returned to bed and I let her. It seemed like the rare sane thing for me to do. Say 'Lesbian Bikers' at your own peril.             Mankind is poison because we compromise our souls for the companionship of others   "Vivian, I'm going to take a shower," I whispered to Vivian. I was hovering over her from the back of the sofa-sleeper, asking permission to take my shower downstairs. She was laid out beneath me, her jersey bunched up around her breasts and her left thumb hooked into the band of her shorts and pushing them dangerously down. "Umm," she sighed, a little smile tilting her lips. "Honey, I need your permission to use the downstairs shower," I continued. I wisped across her lips with my own. Her smile blossomed into full-blown pleasure. "Okay, I'm getting up, I'm getting up," she moaned. Vivian slowly opened her eyes as she stretched and twisted her body to wakefulness. "Good morning, Zane," she yawned with this adorable little grin on her face. "You look beautiful," I complimented quietly. "Umm, thank you," she purred. "You look, Zane! What are you doing?" she bolted upright, barely missing a head-on-head collision. "I'm asking you permission to go down to the fifth floor and take a shower," I repeated. "Why didn't you simply sneak past me?" she propped herself up on her elbows. "I said I would wait on your decision, so I waited. Can I please, please do something," I pleaded, "before I go nuts?" "Umm, okay," Vivian said cautiously. I reached down to her midsection and she flinched so I held back. No word passed for several seconds so I resumed my journey to her pushed up sleeping jersey and slowly pulled it down until her stomach and crotch were covered. "Zane," Vivian sighed, "could you control your hormones for thirty minutes, when you are awake?" "I have to go now," I stood up, "because covering you up didn't make you any less attractive." "Zane," Vivian came off the sofa and followed me, "you should attempt to look at a woman as a fellow follower of Christ and less in terms of beautiful and ugly and you might be happier. Go take a shower." She's telling me this with an earnest warm face and finely sculpted legs that disappear right below the crotch into that billowing Dallas Cowboys shirt. "Go on and fuck the bitch," Rio growled as she traipsed by with Mercy's hand on her shoulder. Barbie Lynn came slowly limping behind. Barbie flashed me a grin and I raced to catch up. At the bottom of the stairs something occurred to me. "Hon, where is your towel?" I asked Barbie Lynn. She shot me an apologetic smile. I stepped behind Barbie Lynn, ran a hand along her hip to the curve of her stomach and kissed her on the neck. "Take mine; I'll catch up," I chuckled. I draped my towel over her shoulder and bounded up the stairs. At the top of the stairs I stumbled to a stop. Vivian had only then finished taking off her jersey and was holding it in her left hand. The bottom of the shirt scrapped the ground. Vivian looked at me, neither shocked, ashamed, nor outraged. Her breasts were freaking gorgeous, fully round, buoyant, and with a miniscule droop. Her pale blue panties left little to the imagination, her cunt lips clearly camel toed. "I apologize," I quickly spun away and raced to my sleep area. I grabbed a towel and headed straight for the stairs. "Zane, it is okay," Vivian called out. She'd covered her breasts and diaphragm with the jersey. "Huh?" "I don't mind; I know you didn't mean to see me so I'm not offended and I don't feel you went back on your word," she related with a sense of grace. I wasn't truly sure of what word I hadn't gone back on but she appeared happy. "Does that mean you can flash me your ta-ta's guilt free?" I asked hopefully. Vivian regarded me with amusement. "Zane, constantly being distracted by unbridled sexuality will not leave you content," she lectured me patiently. We regarded each other for some time. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" "If you are going to offer, could you come over here, turn around, bend over, grab your ankles and finally look past your thigh at me?" I cringed. She shook her head, regarded me once, then rolled her eyes. "I may not be able to save you but I'm not going to shove you down to damnation either," she stated firmly. "Do it; I won't take advantage of you and I'll tell you a valuable secret," I offered. Lesbian Bikers Normally my chance of success with Vivian and that line was nil, but the convergence of a Gabrielle's midnight visit and her desire to show me that trust and honesty could exist without a sexual context brought her to me. She slowly turned around and assumed my desired position. I rabidly wanted to step up to her, gently slip her panties aside and take her cunt with deep languid strokes. "Please stand up," I groaned. Once she was up I leaned into her ear. "You are not a virgin," I whispered carefully. Vivian tensed slightly. "All it means to me is that you know what you are talking about when you mention sexuality and I have to treat you with more respect. I apologize for prying." She twisted to face me and was about to say something but I put a finger to her lips to silence her. "People are listening," I cautioned her quietly. "Thank you for that," Vivian whispered. "It was one time in high school and we had exchanged Promise Rings. It was a mistake we both regret." "It's all cool," I grinned. "I kind of wish your first time had turned you into a wild sex monkey and you and your beau planned on having five hundred kids, but we're good." "Zane," Vivian sounded exasperated, "I pity the woman you decide to marry." "What?" I acted shocked, "I would never cheat on my wife." "Oh, I believe you, but I fear the poor woman would die from exhaustion," she scolded me. "She'd die happy?" I offered up as my only defense. "Lord, give me strength," Vivian groaned. "Go take a shower." "Gotchya, Boss," I beamed happily. I turned half way to the door, then gave a backward glance. "Vivian, if you ever need anything, just ask." "I, ." she was about to scold me but she stopped and sighed. "Fine, Zane, I know you mean well; now go." I winked and raced away. I could swear Vivian believed she was getting a crash course in Mothering a Teenage Boy. Biker Bar Horror Story It had been a hard day of first-round semester testing plus restructuring the Marksmanship and Orienteering Clubs. I still managed to get in sufficient studying (in my opinion) for Friday's round of activities. At lunch I had a little talk with Cordelia and Christina about Gabrielle Black and their fears concerning her. I really wish both women hadn't looked so concerned. I would have preferred they called me paranoid instead. I was sitting watching some bizarre sitcom rerun with an arm around Iona when Rio came rocketing up the stairs. "Hey, Princess," she screamed at me (in case anyone has missed it, Rio is a freak), "Val found out about a Biker bar called the Dixie Roadhouse and we're heading there. Do you want in?" I looked down to Iona who, despite a look of fearful concern, gave me a nod of consent. "Sure thing, Rio," I said, as I popped over the sofa and pulled Iona along after me. "Zane, you are not going out to a bar," Vivian rose to the challenge. "You are only eighteen." "If I don't go, we may not get Rio back," I cautioned my guardian. "Speaking of which: Rio, where is Mercy?" Vivian rounded on my 'Bro'. "I ambushed her: hit her in the head with the Gutenberg Bible and tied her to the back of Valerie's hog," Rio smiled proudly. Pulling Iona along with me, I pursued Rio down the stairs. "I promise I'll bring them all back," I shouted to Vivian. She was kind enough not to chase me down and make me stay. The Dixie Roadhouse looked like some sort of converted barn with a few cobbled together outbuildings. Mine was probably not the first car to grace this dirt parking lot but it was definitely rare to have a ride with four wheels parked here. I had Rio and Mercy with me. Of course, Mercy had not been beaten and tied up for tonight's outing. Iona had ridden gleefully on the back of Val's bike. "This is going to be epic," Rio exulted. "That's right," I joked tragically. "We are five teenagers in school uniforms going into a place that constantly lays down new sawdust to cover up all the blood." "Hey, Sissy-Boy," Rio punched me, "this is on my Bucket List, so don't wimp out on me now." We quickly paired up, Rio with Mercy and Iona with me. Val, Valkyrie went in alone as she felt that would increase her odds of survival. She also wore her Stormriders' patch and colors. Unfortunately, the rest of her gang was two thousand miles away. "Rio," Valerie coughed as she handed Rio a switchblade. Rio snickered, flipped the blade out several times in quick succession before stealthily stashing it into her waist band. 'Thank God,' I thought, 'she actually knows how to use a knife.' The double doors leading into the bar/club were propped open so we migrated in as a group. People didn't stop and stare but they managed a passable job of telling us to 'get the hell out' with their eyes alone. Valerie led us to the bar where the lone bartender took his time getting to us. The guy was going for the chest hair with a black leather vest look along with copious amounts of facial hair. "We don't serve kids," he growled out when he stopped in front of Valkyrie. "We are not high school kids, we are not cops; we are college kids who need a damn drink, not a lecture. So are you going to give us shit or a beer, because there must be a dozen lame college dumps we can go slumming at." "Who are you?" he grumbled. "Valkyrie, Stormriders," Valerie answered. "What is your name?" he persisted. "Valerie Palmer," she shrugged. "Are you kin of Mad Dog Palmer?" he inquired. "Dude, no one calls him Mad Dog who wants to live, and he's my grandfather," she smiled. "Got it," the bartender gave a sinister grin. "What are you doing here?" "My Dad divorced my Mom and became a born again Christian," she informed the guy. "Harsh; so are these kids yours?" he asked; meaning the rest of us. "They are not members but I consider them my associates," Valkyrie allowed. The bartender shrugged and started handing out beers. Val pulled out a roll of bills and paid for our first round. Val and I took slow steady pulls on our drinks. Rio downed hers in two chugs. Mercy and Iona took tentative sips and made disgusted faces as a result. I paid for Rio's second round. "It tastes awful," Iona whispered to me. "Pretend you are drinking it then. Beer is not for everyone," I assured her, and letting her see my smile dispelled any thought that I felt less of her for being different. "Rio," Mercy tried next. "Drink it," Rio demanded. "Do it, and I'll screw you with the bottle; don't, and I'll pour it over your head and shirt." Mercy choked on her response and took a swig of beer. "You annoy the hell out of me, Mercy," Rio reacted in a warmer tone. I looked at Valerie; she looked to me and nodded. Things could be working out far worse. I noticed six biker babes playing pool off in the darkest corner. I didn't think they were a problem but two of them kept giving me the eye. I hoped my current group of women would provide me shielding. A group of ten bikers came rolling into the place, laughing, punching, and doing other masculine bonding rituals. They noted the five out-of-place newcomers at the bar but didn't seem put out until I saw these two guys in the pack and they saw me. We had a bit of history that went all the way back to a bad night for me on a bench in a communal jail cell. Perhaps I suggested that if they didn't get out of my way, I would shove their heads through the bars of the cell. I was in for two counts of assault and they were in for minor drug possession so they backed down. By the look on their faces, they remembered that night, oh, fuck. "Guys!" I cried out. I came off my stool and quickly walked up to the closer of the two. He actually took a step back into one of his buddies. "It is good to see you, Man," I kept grinning. I stepped up, put my left hand on his right elbow to propel his hand up. I clasped his palm and shook it, chest to chest. "A week ago we were all in lock-up together, I was totally wasted, and this guy and his buddy (I nodded to the second guy) saved my ass. Let me buy all of you guys the first two rounds," I offered. The guy who was clearly the dominant member gave my 'buddy' a look. He figured something wasn't right but he didn't know what it was. The two bikers in the cell hadn't talked about their facedown with some college kid since they'd backed off without a fight. "That's about right, Zane," the guy holding my hand said. "Those two guys get out of the hospital?" he continued as we walked as a group to the bar. "Yeah, I administered a warning more than a lesson," I shrugged. "I wanted them to leave my ladies alone. The point was made. The whole jail thing was the Sheriff getting me back for a fight I was in the previous weekend but no one pressed charges." That earned me some knowing chuckles. Beers were handed out; I paid for this round and the next, my heart finally calming down from the near catastrophe. "Gus, what's with the little girls?" the leader addressed the bartender. He titled his head toward Valkyrie. Her colors gave her the higher status. "The little one is with Zane and those two (Rio and Mercy) are together," Valarie answered deadpan. The big guy put his hand on Iona's shoulder while looking at me. "Mind if I take your girl for a dance," he didn't ask, he told me. "You take your hand off of her and I'll forget you touched my girl," I stated with a quiet calm coming over me. "If I don't?" he taunted me. "I don't play twenty questions," I warned him. "Seriously, dude, you want to get into a fight over a girl barely out of a training bra?" Valerie tried to make light of the situation. "She's his sister." The leader let go of Iona and stepped back. "She's your sister? Why in the hell did you bring you sister to this place?" he was curious. "Are you trying to tell me this place isn't 'family friendly'?" I grinned, finally taking a real breath. "That's a fucked-up way to look at things but yes, I guess it is," he chuckled. He reached past Iona and took his beer. Everyone around us relaxed again. "What were you going to do?" he idly asked me. "Since you had your left hand on Iona and your right was going for that steel rod you use as a sap, I was going crush your trachea then introduce your forehead to the bar," I explained. "That might have killed me," he noted. "Nothing personal, but I had nine more bodies to put down," I reminded him. "I would have given us better than even odds that we would be getting out of here," Valerie joined in. "So you really kicked Dog-Boy and Sticks off their bench?" he changed direction. Apparently, then, some in the gang did know. "They were a bit stoned and I was really pissed off," I exaggerated. "That makes sense; they are idiots," the leader grinned. A group of four more bikers with the same colors as the current crop came in. The guy we'd been talking with and five others broke off and headed to the rear of the establishment to seats around two circular tables. The four guys remaining gathered around Rio and Mercy. One guy put a hand on Mercy's shoulder. "Come on out and see my ride," he grinned at a surprisingly calm Mercy. "Hands off," Rio sneered, "I own the bitch." That caused the four men to look at each other. "Don't worry, I rent her out from time to time," Rio acted nonchalant. Two of the guys closed in, one running a hand down Mercy's shoulder and thigh while the other put a hand on each of her hips. "How much?" he growled. "We can take her into the bathroom right now." "Nope," Rio shrugged. "She's got tests at school tomorrow and I've got her busy all weekend long, but write down your number and I'll call you. Zane, pen." I tossed Rio a pen who handed it to the biggest biker. The guy looked Rio, then to her hand. "No," Rio snickered. "Mercy, off the stool and lean over the bar," she emphasized with a slap to the ass. Mercy scrambled to obey. Rio smiled at the dude then flipped Mercy's skirt up, wedged her already slender lacy underwear into her ass crack. Rio smacked a cheek. "Here you go." "Hell, ya," he laughed, as he scrawled his name and number over Mercy's proffered ass cheek. "Are you sure you are going to remember this?" "Oh, yeah; I'm going to be pounding this ass most of the night when I get her home," Rio told him. "I thought you said she had tests tomorrow," the third guy joked. "So do I, and that means I've got a lot of stress to work through," Rio grinned shark-like. "She's going to have to suck it up." That earned another round of laughs. "You really, truly annoy the hell out of me, Mercy," Rio snorted. Mercy resumed her barstool, turned to face Rio and sipped her beer once more. The warming radiance of Mercy's smile was both tragic and sweet. I stole a look toward Iona who had a wide-eyed curious look about her and ended up at Valarie, who looked relieved enough to finally put her back to the bar and look around. We were into our second beer (still Iona and Mercy's first and Rio's fourth) when our sense of ease began floundering. One of the biker chicks that had been playing pool came over to get a round of beers for her outfit. "Candy-ass whores," the woman taunted Rio as she picked up the six beers and walked away. Rio looked to me, somewhat confused and then outraged, and ended up with a glance to Valarie. "What did you say?" Rio sounded disarmingly curious to the biker chick. "You heard me," the woman scoffed. Rio was off the stool like a shot and brought her beer down on the biker chick's head. "Iona, stay close behind me," I hissed. I motioned to Mercy to get her attention. Before the woman could right herself, Rio kicked her in the thigh. As she stumbled forward, all of her beers crashed to the sawdust on the ground. Since the target of her wrath wasn't face-planting fast enough, Rio linked her fists together and hammer-slammed the chick between the shoulder blades; down she went. "I told you to repeat what you said, Bitch!" Rio screamed as she kicked the fallen woman in the ribs. At that point, three of the biker chick's closest companions descended on Rio and pulled her away. Valarie gestured to me to stay seated and I got Mercy's attention and kept her on her stool as well. "Hold her up," growled the biker girl Rio had decked. "What did you say, Bitch?" Rio snarled right back. "Lose the bull-dykes and I'll make you taste my shoe leather." "She's trying to get killed," Valarie whispered to me. Iona tensed with fear. "No, she's trying to get us all killed," I responded softly. "Let's take her outside," the first biker babe suggested as Rio struggled and kicked, attempting to free herself. "No," a different girl directed. "Let's take her to the john; I have an idea." The other women laughed and began dragging Rio away. "Zane!" Rio called out, "We are about to have a Leather Lesbian Slut orgy. Join in anytime you like." That was my cue to get my ass kicked. I moved to intervene, Val on my left between me and the worst of the crowd, Mercy to my right, and Iona taking up the rear. Sadly, a guy around my height but with a beer gut decided that I wasn't going to have an easy time of it. "No, you don't," he threatened. It was pretty clear four or five other guys were ready to jump in. Rio's cursing form disappeared behind the doors. I didn't have much time before Rio incensed the biker chicks so much they throttled her. "Do you have a gun?" I asked with as much patience as I could muster. He grinned evilly, pulled back his vest, and showed me the automatic he had stuck into his belt. I waited until his hand released the vest and moved toward his hip. I snatched the gun, flipped it around and rammed the barrel into his stomach. The only sound in the place was the four overhead fans and some Chris Rock wannabe belting it out over the stereo system. Rio's screams were becoming shriller. "I don't appreciate you pointing a gun at one of my brothers," a different man said. He was one of the group of four that had arrived earlier but I had the impression he was 'somebody'. "I'm really busy right now but I promise to deal with you when I retrieve my friend; okay?" I didn't wait for his response because I was sure it would suck. "Do you want me to feed you your gun back one bullet at a time?" I prodded the guy I had the gun on? He looked around for the moral support from his gang members. "Do it and you are dead," he countered with what I felt was false bravado. "That will hardly do you any good," I grinned as I cocked the hammer back. "Do you want your gun back?" "Ah, yes?" the biker gulped. "Are you going to let me get my girl and get her out of here?" I asked. "Ah, sure?" he seemed confused. I un-cocked the gun, flipped the handhold around and offered him his piece, grip first. No one appeared to know what to make of that. As if expecting a trick, the guy moved slowly. When he took it, I made to move past him. "You be careful now," I told him. He cocked the gun and pressed it into the side of my ribs. "Fuck you," he managed to get out before the 'click' and the point of Valkyrie's blade dug into his jugular, drawing a line of blood. "You really are too fucking stupid to live," Val seethed. "I'm Valkyrie of the Stormriders," she challenged the room. "We wage war on the Hell's Angels and the Mongols so some two-bit outfit like you Warlords doesn't bother me in the least. I'll bleed every one of you fuckers. Your bitch picked a fight with our bitch and you wouldn't man up and deal with it so now my friends will," she growled. "Zane, go get Rio." I nodded quickly and moved past the guy with the gun. "Iona with me; Mercy, you watch Valkyrie's back," I ordered. Iona clung to my back while Mercy hesitantly moved back to back with Val. She wanted to come with us and save Rio, no doubt. I raced over to the women's bathroom and flung open the door. Four sets of eyes riveted me as I came in. The other two women were busy shoving Rio headfirst into one of the toilets. The rest of us were facing knives and guns and Rio was about to get a swirlie. "Hi," I stammered. The two women holding Rio down backed out of the stall and joined the stand-off. "Zane, what fucking took you so long?" Rio panted. She staggered out and looked Iona and I over. "Where the fuck is Mercy?" Rio sounded concerned. "You stupid cow!" I snapped. "We are about to be murdered because of you, damn it." "You left Mercy out there with those animals?" Rio screeched back. She tried to push past the other biker chicks but thankfully didn't get very far. I'd have decked her myself. "Would you please give us our friend back," I requested after taking a deep breath. I was about to be told 'no' when one of the other bikers stepped into the light and I made her out clearly for the first time. "You're, I started to say. "You are Zane Braxton," she stated. "The guy who fucked your sister for an hour?" the lady closest to the lead girl asked. "Yeah," she leered. "He's the kid from the DVD she sent me and her husband, the bitch." Yes, this was the twin sister of the Sheriff's Deputy I'd had a three-way with. Didn't she work at a college club as a bartender? What a small damn world. The whole atmosphere of the room changed. Rio shrugged off the hands holding on to her but didn't bolt. "Rio, take Iona out to the others and wait for me in the parking lot," I insisted. "No, Zane. I'm not leaving you here to take Rio's beating," Iona resisted. Rio wasn't abandoning me either. I reached out and stroked Iona's hair and put my keys in her hand. "It will be okay. No one is going to kill anyone here tonight. Now I need you to go so I can settle up accounts," I grinned down at her with only a twinge of worry. Rio resolved the matter by taking Iona by the hand and dragging her out. Iona looked to be on the verge of tears. Rio's eyes told me she's suddenly sobered up and was regretting leaving me in harm's way. I looked back at the six women and the one oddity chipped away at my senses but I didn't know what to make of it. "So, how's your husband?" was the only, and rather lame, thing I could think to say. "I think he's turned State's Evidence against the Aryan Nation," she shrugged. "I thought your husband was some sort of hardened criminal," I inquired. "Ha," several of the chicks chuckled. "Zane, my husband is an accountant," she clarified with some amusement at my expense. "But, weapons charges, he was laundering money?" I pieced it together. "Good job, College boy," the 'strange' woman congratulated me. "Let's get you out of here before someone takes offense," the leader said. "Give me your number and we'll walk you out. I'm Belle, by the way." She offered her hand and I foolishly kissed it. I quickly gave up my digits, then we did a series of handshakes, French kisses and introductions. When the 'strange' woman's turn came, she introduced herself as Willa. I wanted to fucking cry because just looking at a woman will tell me a good deal about her person, a handshake even more, and a kiss is freaking El Dorado. Willa was a biker chick but she was also college educated, had a regimented training background, and was the only woman in the room who was looking for a way to not hurt Rio, very service-minded of her. "There may be a problem," I interrupted as we headed for the door. "There is this guy," I described the guy I took the gun from, "who I took his gun and threatened him with it. This other guy," I painted a portrait of the authoritative guy, "told me he was pissed with the whole gun thing." All the women stopped and looked at one another. "Zane, where is the gun?" Belle questioned me. "I gave it back to him once he agreed that I could come in here and retrieve Rio, my friend," I answered. "It is a damn miracle you aren't dead," Willa scowled. "I would have been but my other buddy, Val, put a knife to his throat. I left her with Rio's companion covering her back," I explained. "She's kind of tough." "That the one with Stormrider colors?" Belle asked. "Yeah. She's Valarie Palmer, my classmate as FFU," I told them. "Is she Damien Palmer's little girl?" Willa guessed. "She's his oldest granddaughter; is that important?" I inquired. The women seemed nervously amused by my ignorance. "He's a God-damn legend, Zane," Belle said. "Damien Palmer once took the Stormriders to a Mongol gathering in Las Vegas. Outnumbered three to one, they kicked serious ass, cleared out the place, and he ended the fight by grabbing a Mongol chapter president and some other poor Mongol bastard, jumped out a fifth-story balcony, and used their bodies to cushion his fall. I doubt prison has mellowed him much." "Your problems are a little more immediate. The guy whose gun you took is Big Ted, he's a moron. That 'other guy' is Deacon, Warlord chapter president for Northern Virginia," Willa weighed in. "Is he going to let my girls go?" I fretted. "Let's go and find out," Belle shrugged. We stepped out, Belle in the lead, followed by Willa, then me, then the rest. There were a few guys standing by the doors watching something. No one was jumping around or nursing serious wounds so I hoped the girls had exited. "Belle, the kid and I need to have a word out back," Deacon ordered confidently. "Deacon, my sister is keeping an eye on this guy," Belle suggested. "It may not be a good idea to put him in the hospital." "We can't let him push Big Ted around; it is happening," Deacon declared. "Big Ted," she looked to the guy I'd punked, "you want to kick Zane's ass out front?" Belle left Big Ted in the awkward position of taking his chances with me or looking weak in front of his gang. "I'll hand him his nuts," Big Ted growled. Deacon gave his consent and the club emptied out into the front lot. My girls were huddled around my car and Valarie's bike. Rio looked like she was going to do something stupid like run up to me but Mercy and Val held her back. I was actually relieved to see that Iona was behind the wheel of my car with the engine running. The Warlords spread out in a rough semi-circle with Deacon, Big Ted and Belle in the center. I had backed up about ten feet toward the road, facing the Warlords, when Big Ted came for me. He was about my height but around fifty pounds heavier, thus the name Big Ted. The Warlord flexed his arms and did some kind of primitive gesture meant to intimidate me. "So do we start with 'ready, set, go' or what?" I questioned. That brought a round of laughter from the motorcycle gang and Big Ted looked over his shoulder to share in their mirth. My first kick caught him in the nuts, the second one caught him in the chest and knocked him down, and the third saw me stomping on his nut sack once again. I swept around him and kicked him in the head hard enough, he rolled over twice in the dust. Ted was seriously unconscious. For ten seconds no one said a word. Any hope I had of getting away with my underhanded win began to fade when Deacon came forward. "You come to my roadhouse, beat up one of my people, and expect to get away with it?" he grumbled. "Deacon, I am so very sorry this happened. My friends and I only wanted to come by, have a few beers, and let my buddy Val soak in the kind of establishment she was used to going to, namely a biker bar," I said carefully. "Things were said, my best bud went a little nuts, and the shit got out of hand. How can I make it up to you?" "What the fuck can you do for me?" Deacon sneered. "Five thousand dollars?" I threw out there. He studied me. "You have that kind of money?" he questioned me. "Absolutely; I can have you the money tomorrow at six p.m." I promised. "Don't fuck up," he stated with menace, "or I will hunt you and your friends down. Got it?" "Understood," I pledged. Deacon snorted in disdain and headed back inside. The rest of the Warlords were heading inside with a few dragging Ted in and I finally let my focus expand beyond my immediate environs. The car pulling up was still unexpected. I knew the shape of the person who stepped out of the Sheriff's cruiser. "Zane," Sheriff's Deputy Tara Cavanaugh greeted me happily. "Belle," she said to her sister with far less warmth. "Zane, what brings you here?" "A schoolmate of mine is a motorcyclist; she wanted to see what a biker bar was like so we ended up here." "We couldn't get in because we are only eighteen but another friend of mine got sick and had to go to the bathroom. Belle was good enough to get her out," I lied. "Zane, you have sawdust on your shoes," Tara pointed out. "I had to go part of the way in to get my friend," I grinned feebly. "Zane, are you lying to me?" Tara frowned. "Yes," I admitted. "The truth is only going to cause a whole lot of trouble, though." "Wow, morally flexible where the law is concerned," Belle licked her lips. "Of course we already knew he was all kinds of flexible, didn't we?" "Usually the point where I start being talked about like a piece of meat is my cue to leave," I stated crossly. "Deputy Cavanaugh, may I leave now?" "Beat it, Zane," Tara told me. "Thanks, Deputy; take care, Belle. It was nice to meet you and thanks for all your help," I thanked her before rejoining my companions. Valarie drove alone in the lead. The rest of us followed in my car, sans conversation. Sorting Through One Helluva Mess We kept our silence until we stepped out of the elevator on the fifth floor. Valarie grabbed Rio ferociously, slammed her into the wall with one hand holding Rio's right bicep while her forearm was pressed so it choked Rio's throat. "You stupid, crazy bitch!" Valarie howled. "You could have gotten us all killed!" I looped an arm around Mercy's waist before she could go charging to Rio's rescue, and have Valarie beat her up. "Hang on, Mercy; I'll work this out," I whispered. She nodded but her concern was burning through. It was heart-warming to see Iona put an arm through Mercy's in what would be a futile gesture to keep Mercy still if things went bad. "Get your hands off me, Cum-dumpster," Rio snarled, followed by some choking noises as Valerie applied pressure to her windpipe. Next Rio tried to kick Valerie but the bigger woman deflected it with her thigh. It was time for me to step up. "I've got this, Valerie," I told her calmly. Valerie stepped back because she figured her next option was to beat Rio black and blue. I moved into Valerie's place but put my hands to either side of Rio's shoulders. "Rio, this is done; let's put it aside and go to bed early if you want, but I want to ask you one thing if you'll let me," I asked softly. "Fuck off, Zane," Rio rumbled, "I'm not in the mood for one of your mind games." "Okay," I shrugged. "To the Bitter End," I nodded. "To the Bitter End," she muttered back, her eyes drooping to the ground. "We are done," I told the rest of the crowd. Valerie snorted angrily and I figured she'd either bitch me out or never speak to me again. Rio grabbed me before I got away. "I, damn it, Zane, I screwed up again," she choked back a sob. "I'm fine, Rio. I signed on for the crazy so I have no one to blame but myself," I reassured her. "What did you want to ask me?" she sighed as she put her cheek on my chest. "Bro, I can't keep charging in to save you and keep Iona safe at the same time. What am I going to do?" I inquired. "Sorry, Man. I fucked up big time," she moaned. "I don't know why it happened." "That doesn't matter, Rio. Let's call it a night," I said serenely. We started to break up and I could see Valerie still glaring hate at me and Rio. "Rio, do me a favor?" "What?" Rio sounded dejected. "What was the second and, third thing you asked me in the bathroom?" I inquired. Rio snapped her face up toward me, angry and upset. "Don't," she insisted. "I have a near-eidetic memory so if you don't remember, I do," Iona chimed in. "Shut up, you two," Rio snarled. "Rio, I have had it with you. Jump and I'll kick in your teeth," Val seethed in response. Mercy looked ready to jump in too. "You said 'Where is, I began. "Don't, damn it," Rio growled, but she could see I wasn't going to relent. "Fine," she groaned in defeat. "I asked where Mercy was, then I bitched you out for leaving her with those 'animals'. Happy now?" "Pretty much, yeah," I tried not to sound pleased with myself. What I did accomplish was put a glimmer of understanding in Valerie's mind. A few seconds later Mercy clued in too. "Oh, Rio," Mercy teared up, "you didn't have to worry." "I swear, if you cry I'm going to shove so many ice cubes up your cunt, your eyes will shimmer like a snow globe," Rio swore to Mercy. "Rio," Valerie sighed with exasperation, "Learn how to fight, and more importantly, learn when not to fight." In the pack dynamic, going off and picking your own fight was nuts; fighting for someone in your group was totally different. By the uncomplicated code that nomads lived by, you stuck up for your own, and that made all the difference to Valerie. Rio was still crazy and could have gotten us all killed, but she'd done it for another member of the group; in this, case, Mercy. That demanded a reprimand, not expulsion. "How about we go up to Zane's and have some ice-cream?" Iona suggested. "We have ice-cream?" Rio perked up. "When did this happen?" "Rio," Iona sighed wearily, "we put them in on the first day. They are two 1950's style ice-cream freezers, one opposite the close showers and the other down by the far kitchenette." "Mercy," Rio grinned fiercely, "Bring several wash cloths to bed tonight. I'm going to cover your nipples with mint chocolate chip and lick it off." I wondered if Mercy could actually orgasm to death, she certainly looked ready to. "I thought you were going to, Mercy turned to Rio and patted her own behind. "Pound-cake, what makes you think you are getting any sleep tonight?" Rio chastised Mercy, then spanked her ass. "Rio, are you bi-polar?" Val ground out. "One second you are weeping on Zane's shoulder and the next you are engaging in kinky foreplay with your girlfriend." "She's not my girlfriend, she's my toy," Rio corrected. "Also, this shit ain't over. I know Zane jumped on a grenade meant for me but I can't do anything about it right now. I know I put us all in danger, again, nothing I can do about it at the moment. I do know that when I find that bitch Belle or any of her girl-pals, I'm going upside their heads with a pool cue, though." "Gosh," mused Iona, "I should figure out what I want on my tombstone." "Mine is going to read 'didn't kill Rio Talon soon enough'," griped Valerie. "Hardy-har-har," grumped Rio. "You are acting like they'll ever find our bodies." "You annoy me," Mercy whispered to Rio before licking her ear. "Careful, you," Rio smirked. "Ice cubes-cunt snow globe." I was thankful when I got to the door lock, entered my code, and held the door for them to head up. I tagged Valerie at the top of the stairs. She looked at me with annoyance but softened to curiosity when she saw my concern. "Zane," Vivian called out before I got anywhere. "We need to talk." That was depressing. "Val, I need to ask you something important. Can you please wait?" I asked the biker babe. "Sure," she promised before heading to get a drink. I walked with Vivian into my bedroom area. At the foot of the bed was laid out a skirt, shirt, bra, panties and socks. The shoes were on the floor. The owner was no mystery. Reclining on the pillows was Paige. She was clothed, sort of. She was decked out all in brilliant red: stockings, garter belt, silky panties, and a gauze-like bra that highlighted her pale breasts perfectly. Her flesh radiated like freshly fallen snow and her hair flowed forth from my pillow like a glacier crafted by spiders into a delicate web. "Hey," I sighed hungrily. "Hey," Paige responded in a rich sultry voice. "Paige!" Vivian snapped. "How did you get past me?" "I'm a ghost-panthress stalking my prey," Paige leered. "With the way Zane's heart is pounding, I'm doing a good job of it too." "Get up, put on a robe, and leave the room now," Vivian insisted. "Oh," groaned Paige as she rolled over and shook her delicious shaped bottom at me, "I'm so tired. I need someone's help in getting out of bed." Yes, I wanted to go to the bed right then, but it had nothing to do with helping Paige actually get out of that bed or that position. "I'll take care of her," I told Vivian. I walked to a wardrobe across the room, opened it up, and took a look around inside. Vivian walked behind me and gasped. "What are you doing with all these robes, all these women's robes, Zane?" Vivian muttered. "I got them predicated on the notion that I would have women up here. I thought it would be considerate of me to give them a choice of what to wear," I indicated my selection. "How did you smuggle them all in here?" Vivian wondered. "We have mail service, Vivian. I ordered them online." She seemed confused. The university didn't block clothing sites from their computer network. I pulled out a short red one with a white and black tiger circling on the back and showed it to Paige. "Oh, cool, I'll look like a Bangkok whore," Paige sounded conflicted. "Actually, this one is from China so that would make you a White Russian Shanghai hooker," I corrected. "Oh, I like that," Paige purred as she crawled over to my side of the bed on all fours. &qu

This week on The Friend Request, I’m joined by the hilarious Carlo Ritchie — comedian, improv performer, Thank God You’re Here cast member, and writer for the iconic kids show Play School. We dive into the story behind his 15-year comedy partnership, the power of friendship that survives improv chaos, and yes... a truly unhinged game of F**k, Marry, Kill featuring Big Ted, Jemima, and Humpty.

Hungry?  How bout a salad…trust me, after todays convo, you're going to want to eat salad for breakfast, lunch & dinner. Not just the limp lettuce & store bought dressing kind of salad but one that tickles all your gastronomic senses. Once you've been satiated the convo settle into really chewing on the realities of this high energy lass' day to day existence: her rituals,  her challenge to find the gaps to do the quiet things, learning to really be in the moment & finding her path to enoughness.Alice Zaslavski has chatted with us on the pod before but since then her OTT love for food, food education & food appreciation has exploded into the stratosphere with another 3 cookbooks, her own radio segment on Saturday mornings & now her own cooking show on the ABC, you'll still find her exuberance filling the pages of papers & magazines nationwide & for today you'll her convincing you to serve salad for your every meal. The pace of this human is dizzy-ing so its a strap in & hang tight kind of episode.Links You'll LoveA bite to eat with Alice - ABCSalad Days - Alice ZaslavskiPhenomenom - Free Lessons via the lense of food Loved this? Try these:Alice on Futuresteading previouslySupport the ShowCasual Support - Buy Me A CoffeeRegular Support - PatreonBuy the Book - Futuresteading - Live Like tomorrow mattersWe talked about:Being a talker on paper Her latest adventures in gastronomic pleasures Listening to your body to understand what you need at the time.Food as medicine deserves to be understood by allHer ‘vegetable-forward' food, centric Georgian heritage Sharing a common vision but not always sharing the same timing ambitionsMovement has power - just start & collectively the energies come togetherBreaking our daily fast with vegetablesBe ready & willing to adapt the recipes to suit yourselfThe real life day to day juggle of such a busy busy life Having a ‘wife' in her ‘husband'Learning to say a hard NOPrioritising her health as the most important part of her jobBeing lit up by all that you do so it doesn't feel like working a day of your lifeTime to update the vision boardThe soma response to birthing a new projectBuilding an enabling network to get into flowEnabling others to be their most magic version of themselvesBeing an extroverted extrovert - learning how to absorb human energy via a screenLearning to speak English with Big Ted on PlayschoolWishing for more time with communityMaking time for readingSaying yes to the opportunities that ground you.Support the show

After a week of protests, we calm things down with nine tracks from Pizzatramp, 999, Angelic Upstarts, The Zipheads, Ivan And The Parazol, No Wayne, The Exploited, Discharge and Boris The Sprinkler.Voice of Jeff, Comedy Suburbs, Tony has your Facebook comments, the other Paul B, Duolingo, last week, Apocalypse Babys gigs, Rebellion, recording, The Great, Big Ted, Nutty Nottingham tour, From the Vaults, Sir Dancealot, Tony's International Gig Guide, new bed, this week, parking permits, no Izzatwat and a reminder of the ways you can listen.Song 1: Pizzatramp – Flag ShaggersSong 2: 999 – Out Of ReachSong 3: Angelic Upstarts – The Man Who Came In From The BeanoSong 4: The Zipheads – How Do You Like Me NowSong 5: Ivan And The Parazol – Mast VartamSong 6: No Wayne – Doin' FineSong 7: The Exploited – Computers Don't BlunderSong 8: Discharge – Free Speech For The DumbSong 9: Boris The Sprinkler – No-One Loves Mr. Green

Join Amanda Keller, Scrap, and Big Ted for Play School's Story Time - Max's Dinosaur Feet!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

FROM STATEHOUSE TO AMERICA, MC TO AMBASSADOR

POLITICS, LOYALTY & DIVORCE

FROM STATEHOUSE TO AMERICA, MC TO AMBASSADOR

POLITICS, LOYALTY & DIVORCE

This podcast is a commentary and does not contain any copyrighted material of the reference source. We strongly recommend accessing/buying the reference source at the same time. ■Reference Source https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_brown_designers_think_big ■Post on this topic (You can get FREE learning materials!) https://englist.me/192-academic-words-reference-from-tim-brown-designers-think-big-ted-talk/ ■Youtube Video https://youtu.be/DWYKN533Z3A (All Words) https://youtu.be/dmpnD5PNxv0 (Advanced Words) https://youtu.be/wwh6WYYTF-U (Quick Look) ■Top Page for Further Materials https://englist.me/ ■SNS (Please follow!)

Draft week is here and Holy Slate has you covered with a first round mock draft. Follow along with Mike & Chris as they discuss potential trades, prospects, and storylines that can cause some drama on Thursday evening. 

This week we check-in about long-distance relationships. They're difficult, complicated, and delightful. Sorta. In a real turn of topics, we also discuss the recent NCAA Women's Basketball Championship (Congrats LSU!). Don't worry, true to form, we also managed to tie in identity to that discussion. Later in the episode, we chat about Ted Lasso S2E11 - Midnight Train to Royston. This episode hinges on what it means to dream big and go for it. Also, Nate is being a real dick. Mentioned in this ep: Gottman Institute NCAA Women's Basketball AND, for those of you who are single & dating - ⁠⁠join us in our self-paced online course - How the Eff Do I Date?! here. ⁠⁠ We love having a Q&A segment at the end of our episodes when you write in & ask us questions! S⁠⁠end us your questions about all things dating, relationships, and love by clicking HERE⁠⁠. We also love to hear from you on Instagram - ⁠⁠ @ps.welovelove ⁠⁠- DM us there with questions, or comment on a post! Let us know what you're loving or what you want to know more about. Do you have a future podcast topic you'd love to hear us discuss? Let us know! You can email us, or DM us through social media, too. ... Sending the Ukrainian people our love and support. To donate, we've included a couple options below: ⁠⁠Red Cross⁠⁠ ⁠⁠CARE⁠⁠ ⁠⁠NPR has compiled a longer list of donation options⁠⁠. ... You can find out more about our online courses & dating & relationship coaching at our website: ⁠⁠https://www.pscurators.com/⁠⁠ You can connect with us on social media, too: ⁠⁠Instagram: @ps.welovelove ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠TikTok: @psconsulting⁠⁠ Email us at: psrelationshipcurators@gmail.com Special Thanks to ⁠⁠Medium Build⁠⁠ for our show music.

On April 21, 1964, a program aired on television with themes that would be very recognisable to about 80% of Australian adults today. This breakout children's edutainment hit was aimed at pre-school children, and included a cast of characters, mostly stuffed toys, including Jemima, Humpty, Big Ted and Little Ted. This is not an episode about that show.

A mystery lady, an erotic dream, a sarcastic architect, ‘Big Ted', naked Roy, and some correspondence. (Rec: 12/8/21) Join the Iron Filings Society: https://www.patreon.com/topflighttimemachine See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This seemingly run-of-the-mill episode of Popcorn for Breakfast chock full of movie and tv news brings the unexpected answers to many important questions including: Would Cam marry Idris Elba on the spot? Where does Bluey rank all-time among TV Series? Will season 2 of Only Murders in the Building have a Martin Short ghost (not a spoiler btw)? And many, many more. So, check below to bounce around to the most intriguing bits or listen all the way through for all of the fun nuggets I mentioned earlier.   Remembering Norm Macdonald [10:04] Christopher Nolan Leaves Warner Bros [15:12] ‘The Batman' Spinoff Series About Penguin [20:24] ‘Twins' Sequel in the Works [24:29] ‘Only Murders in the Building' Renewed for Season 2 [27:06] Jason Sudeikis' Big Pay Day [28:27] ‘Haunted Mansion' Casting News [33:28] Keegan-Michael Key Joins ‘Wonka' Cast [35:16] ‘Luther' Movie in the Works at Netflix [39:24] Succession Season 3 Release Date [42:51] Trailer Reactions: ‘Don't Look Up', ‘Hawkeye', ‘The Matrix Resurrections', ‘West Side Story' [45:52]   Thanks for listening!   Please rate, review, and subscribe if you liked this episode!   Chat with us on Discord: https://discord.gg/7wGQ4AARWn Follow us on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/popcornforbreakfast Subscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeVJZwPMrr3_2p171MCP1RQ Follow us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4HhMxftbuf1oPn10DxPLib?si=2l8dmt0nTcyE7eOwtHrjlw&nd=1 Like us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/popcorn4breakfast Follow us on Twitter: @pfb_podcast Follow us on Instagram: @pfb_podcast Follow us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@popcornforbreakfast? popcorn4breakfast.com Email us: contact@popcorn4breakfast.com   Our original music is by Rhetoric, check them out on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/44JvjuUomvPdSqZRxxz2Tk?si=hcYoSMLUQ0iPctllftAg2g&nd=1   Additional sounds from https://www.zapsplat.com

Swimmin' in the deep end. Big Ted.

Hello hello, wonderful listeners! In the spirit of the Olympics, for our Headline News of our 30th series, we have three interesting, under-the-radar themed stories for you today: Rapinoe's endorsement of CBD and Richardson's ban from the Olympics causes confusion (NPR, Essentially Sports), The Judo world shakes as France's longtime famous “Big Ted” takes a loss at bronze (France 24, AP News), Tokyo Games are thriving, and so are Tokyo COVID cases (NPR). As always, we hope you learned something from this episode, and have a good rest of your Sunday!

"Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself," chapter 12. Comedy writer and podcaster Molly Sanchez joins us to discuss one of the most iconic chapters we've ever read! Doey Bird comes to visit for Thanksgiving, Mom gets wasted (hashtag WILLYA), Sally seduces/kills Hitler, and the fam has steak with Fruit Cup Supreme with Big Ted, Vicki, and some very clean diamonds. Jody, Alison, and Molly chat about Daddy's Treatment, parents having house parties, White Shoulders, and Holly Madison. In a moment that is sure to go down in Blume Saloon history, Molly shares some patriotic 5th grade fan fic that you'll never forget. We dissect everything about this gorgeous novel and re-create memorable scenes with dramatic readings. It's a Judy Blume book club. Join us every week!Check out Molly's podcasts The Hold Up and Red All Over on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts. Follow her on Twitter @seriousmolly, IG @mollyfuckingsanchez, and TikTok @molly-sanchez.

This week it's a DOUBLE whammy, two for one, ‘ski instructor special' episode. In Part 1 Emma asks Bella some questions about her career as a ski instructor before we speak to Jas Bruce and James Duffield in Part 2. Jas is a BASI trainer, former British athlete, top ski instructor and now head of product and relations for BASI. He is currently based in Edinburgh. James is also a BASI trainer and top British ski instructor (and Emma's brother) who is based permanently in the Alps in Sainte-Foy. At the end of the half-term week and what would have been one of the busiest weeks of the season for them (and us) we discuss what they've been doing during the pandemic, positive changes happening in the industry to adapt, challenges and achievements in their careers so far, ski racing, nordic skiing, family ski hols and why some of the best skiers ski with teddy bears. * Please excuse any squeaking in the background half-way through which is Bella's dog trying to put her point across. LINKS:Kamchatka https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamchatka_PeninsulaSkiing in North Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csoP8Didoi0https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/ski/news/kim-jong-un-opens-new-ski-resort-in-north-korea/Heli-skiing in Alaska - Contact ALS Ski for further info:https://www.als-ski.com/contact-usBASIhttps://www.basi.org.uk/Interski https://www.instagram.com/p/BvtzzlCF6zF/?igshid=1tx1ki51koazahttps://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=270230893910273Nordic Skiing - BASIhttps://www.facebook.com/groups/BASIMembers/permalink/10157572099085826/Lift served skiing may be out this year in France unless you are a club skier but Nordic activities are going strong including this CPD day run by BASI and Tania Noakes in Praz de Lys. You can even take the Nordic L1 course as a CPD for another string in your bow.Snoworks Courses https://www.snoworks.co.uk/New Generation Ski School https://www.skinewgen.com/Powder Extremehttps://www.powder-extreme.com/Guilia Monego https://www.instagram.com/giuliamonego/?hl=enFreeride World Tour https://www.freerideworldtour.com/Restaurants mentioned in The 3 Valleys:La BouitteTravel with ALS Ski, your luxury ski specialists. ALS Ski is your go to destination for booking your ski holiday. Check us out at www.als-ski.com

Random Freestyles Couch Postings end of 2020. Peace. Fuck Covid!!!

How did a cute, unassuming cartoon frog end up a symbol of racism and favourite mascot of the alt-right? Pepe started off as a funny little meme, created by an artist who just wanted to spread joy and laughter in the world. NEXT MINUTE - his creation was popping up on banners at Trump rallies and being used by white supremacists to spread the worst kinds of bigotry and racism. So why did the racist and sexist trolls on awful websites like 4chan pick Pepe? And what's to stop them making any other much-loved character a symbol of hate? Is Sesame Street safe? The Wiggles? BIG TED? We give you Just The Gist, but if you want more, there's this:Watch the documentary Feels Good Man: https://www.feelsgoodmanfilm.com/  Some light reading: https://www.forbes.com/sites/danidiplacido/2017/05/09/how-pepe-the-frog-became-a-symbol-of-hatred/?sh=58b59507426b  https://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-pol-pepe-the-frog-hate-symbol-20161011-snap-htmlstory.html  Read more on the protestors in Hong Kong who have reappropriated Pepe: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/19/world/asia/hong-kong-protest-pepe-frog.html Check out some Rare Pepes: https://rare-pepe.com/  And brush up on your hate symbols by visiting the Anti Defamation League's Hate Symbol Database - there are some surprising ones there: https://www.adl.org/hate-symbols  Email us your suGISTions! justthegistpodcast@gmail.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's HEADLINES: NBCU TV layoffs looming in Nov + Dec  Mindy Kaling + GOOD IN BED movie + HBOMax Nicole Kidman + new AMAZON Prime TV series APPLE TV gives Ted Lasso 2 more seasons COMCAST cord cutter update New PEACOCK account #s SPOTIFY hits pay subscriber high PINTEREST growth still booming Ton of TV Series renewals + Casting news, plus moves in the Executive Suite TRAILER HOUSE: NETFLIX “The White Tiger” movie trailer   LISTEN TO/READ: H.E.R. “Damage” on Spotify Kim Masters THR read on Jeffrey Katzenberg/QUIBI   BUY COFFEE!  Fresh from Colombia and delicious. Order DEVOCION COFFEE here  -  use code WAKEUP for 20% off   CONTACT + FOLLOW The Wakeup: On Instagram Here for an early AM podcast preview. Follow on LinkedIn here. Email at Wakeupodcast@gmail.com 

Our next guest is WITHOUT a doubt my favourite Playschool presenter growing up. It is of course Noni Hazlehurst. I'll wait while you argue Benita or John were better… Nope, didn't think so... Well, she's packed Big Ted and Jemima away (quite a while ago) and she's now the host of the SBS Observational doco Every Family Has A Secret. Noni opens up about her own family secrets, life as a solo mum and how her son thought she did Play School just for him!   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mel from Bli Bli got in touch with the guys with a special request. Her son's 37-year-old teddy got lost on a bus and she needs their help to track him down! Elly and Becks put their investigative skills to work and reach out to the one person they think can help!

In this episode I have a candid chat with my good friend Thomas Edwin Kwaka aka BIG TED . Big Ted shares what he’s learnt from working in government, the value of real friendship and we catch up and ponder on this one question "Who really are your boys?". Listen, share and give us feedback --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/amani-maranga/message

Big Ted has beenListen to Nada Rogic on Feed Play Love: teaching toddlers for over fifty years, and things have changed a lot for kids in that time. Where once Big Ted may have been explaining how a landline telephone worked, these days most toddlers have never even seen one. And so, in collaboration with the Office of the eSafety Commissioner, Big Ted has stepped into the digital age. Nada Rogic is the lead of the Early Years program at the office, which is all about educating the under fives about how to interact with technology. She explains how Big Ted is laying the groundwork for children to have a safe digital future.

My guest this week is the incredible film maker, speaker & activist Kelli Jean Drinkwater, and she has a huge fire in her belly about how fat people are represented onstage! Fat people have been virtually invisible in the creative arts, but Kelli Jean’s mission is to bring them into the limelight! In order to combat weight stigma and create a world in which all bodies belong, it is VITAL that fat people are represented in the creative arts. And not just as a boring STEREOTYPE, but as fully rounded, amazing, positive and UNAPOLOGETIC humans! Join me for a fantastic conversation as Kelli Jean & I unpack how things are changing in the industry & what still needs to be challenged. And hear all about Kelli Jeans’ simply INCREDIBLE projects! This is a fabulous & inspiring episode from an artist who professionally BLOWS PEOPLE’S MINDS!     Shownotes   My guest is Sydney based film maker, speaker and activist Kelli Jean Drinkwater, who is totally fired up about fat representation in the media. Louise talks about how she & Kelli Jean first met several years ago on the set of Insight, a tv program in which there was an ‘ambush’ of fat activists and Kelli Jean was in the front line of host Jenny Brockie’s fatphobia. Her anger acts as fuel to change how fat people are being represented. We can get fired up in 2 ways, because although on one hand representation and casting of fat characters are getting better, there’s still a long way to go! There’s been a recent spate of films and tv shows especially in the USA which feature fat narratives, but they are still centred around cis gendered, white, heterosexual perspectives, and also the smaller side of fat people being cast. We have stories like Shrill, where the character is fat and staying fat, and Dietland, adapted from the amazing novel by Sarai Walker, where it’s still very good & fat positive but still some decisions made in that process which reflect weight bias. Like in both Shrill & in Dietland the main fat characters had love interests or sexual partners that were just awful men! In Shrill, her love interest feels ashamed of her and makes her leave out of the back door. She’s meant to be this onto it fat woman and wh???? So eventually he comes around and says ok meet my friends, and she doesn’t dump him. And in Dietland the main character is a virgin, and rather than having a good experience she has this awful experience with a fetishist and a feeder who then rapes her. And it’s like - “ok, so that’s the kind of sex we’re going to see?” It could be done differently, and that’s frustrating. And then there’s the movie “Dumplin”, which Louise liked, she never saw anything like that when she was growing up. And it’s lovely to see the thin character (the mum, Jennifer Aniston), as the one always dieting, miserable and insecure. There’s some great characters in this - the fat auntie, who is always supportive of her. But then the aunt dies, and we’re not told why but it’s implied it’s because she was fat!? The love interest in Dumplin was great, he’s the hot guy and he is also lovely, he has no qualms about being attracted to her, and they just get together and it’s all ok. This is a narrative we need to see. Love is possible no matter what you look like. The hot guy can want to be with the fat girl. Kelli Jean related to her love of Dolly Parton, and the camp friends! Also the swimsuit scene at the end - they were in swing dresses and not bikinis??? There are things like that that we’re still not seeing, and Kelli Jean is keen as a film maker to push things further, to include more inclusivity and positivity to fat characters. Having a fat character in a story is not good enough, we need to see it handled properly. Kelli Jean’s first documentary was Aquaporko, all about the fat women’s synchronised swimming team that she started. The women are all extremely smiley, and they’re all in fantastic swim hats - which she got online from Esther Williams. Kelli Jean loved the beach and has always loved swimming and being in the water. But for years she did not go to the beach or swimming because of how she felt about her body. It’s such a basic thing, to swim and be in water, but for fat people this can be fraught. Aquaporko is a beautiful, fun, unapologetic and confronting story of fat people being in their bodies and loving it. And also of being in public, and taking up space. It was an important and transformative film for the people who were involved. That’s why she did Aquaporko, she did not want other people to not do things they love for years and years. The film came about after Kelli Jean got some friends together and at a Sydney public pool they taught themselves synchronised swimming, just for laughs. There was no agenda, but people would clap us when we got out of the pool. It got some traction and media attention, a chapter started in Brisbane & in Melbourne. The Melbourne team practised & became quite good. It got to the point where they were going to do a performance at the pool, Kelli Jean thought - well, I am a film maker, and so the film was born! It premiered at the Mardi Gras film festival in Sydney, and everyone loved it. It won the audience award. It’s colourful, it’s different, it’s a bit camp, it’s just very joyful. It’s shown in 47 countries now as part of different film festivals. It still gets requests to screen. Now Kelli Jean has made a feature film, Nothing to Lose, this also gets attention, but Aquaporko is just loved. Nothing to lose is Kelli Jean’s first feature film. She co-directed it, without funding. It’s the story - in 2013 she was approached by Kate Champion, a very well known choreographer and theatre director for Force Majeur. She wanted to a dance theatre production exploring the fat dancing body, body politics and explore why this is such a taboo subject. In clubs, Kate’s eye was always drawn to bigger people dancing. Realising that she is a very slim, trained dancer, Kate realised she needed to collaborate with a fat artist who understands not just the performance but also the politics. Kelli Jean was the perfect choice! Kelli Jean offered artistic direction on the production, and decided to make a film about it on the way. It took 3 years off and on to make the show, and the film goes from the auditions to opening night. The show and the film explore not just the choreography and what fat bodies can do, but also about the people involved and their relationship to their bodies. It was amazing to have this show, commissioned by the Sydney Festival, choreographed by an accomplished person like Kate Champion. This really is ‘mainstream’ art in Sydney! At the time, nothing like it had been done. Dance theatre isn’t just dance, it’s theatre as well. It was very well received, and there was lots of media attention on it from all over the world. Just the concept of fat people dancing blew people’s minds. In the film they talked about the level of interest - is that just ‘the freak show’ or are people genuinely interested? But it got really positive reviews, almost all positive. Which was a bit disappointing as no piece of art is perfect. On Kate’s advice Kelli Jean and the cast decided during the performance time not to read comments or reviews. To allow themselves to just do the shows without worrying about how it was being received. Which is a good idea - there is an underground, Reddit based group of people who almost professionally hate fat people for no apparent reason. The show toured to Melbourne but not internationally. It’s almost like the people putting on these shows are ok with it because it is very ‘of the moment’ - it is controversial, which gets attention and therefore money. But they are still very cautious about it. Which is why it was good to work with Kate because she is not cautious! So it’s the same thing: yes, you can do a fat story - BUT, it has to be a white woman, and fat but not massively fat - and not TOO happy. And of course that is part of the story - you don’t just go I’m fat & I’m happy about that, we carry all of this baggage around with us all of the time. And so it makes sense that the characters who are written also carry this around - it would be weird if they didn’t. But there is ways we can push. And to not tour internationally is a shame, because it would have gone off! But this is why it’s great that Kelli Jean made the film. Everyone who worked on the film did it for free, for years. Because they believed this story needed to get out, and because the show did not tour. The film premiered at a queer film festival in San Francisco in 2018 and a massive premiere at Quuer screen at Mardi Gras in 2018. It has gone on to have a number of international screenings too, so it is getting seen! Also SBS on Demand bought it, so Australians can view it for free (link in resources). The film is the legacy of the show, and they’re all so glad it’s having success. Louise was in the audience (again) for Kelli Jean’s TED Talk which she gave at the Opera House. That came about from a funny story: Kelli Jean was in the audience at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas at the Opera House in Sydney, listening to Sarai Walker, author of Dietland, who was talking about radical fat acceptance. Her talk was all about the need to stop distracting from ideas of pure, radical acceptance by talking about ‘health’. At the end of her talk all of the questions were about health! Kelli Jean got up and caused a scene! She got up and said - I don’t have a question, but I just want to say I am embarrassed that here we are at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas, and here we are again talking about health! It was very triggering for Kelli Jean, because of the Insight experience and how she was hijacked there. Kelli Jean was like, “oh my god it’s happening again”. Afterwards, Edwina Throsby who was the head of TEDx Sydney, came up and said I want you to do a TED talk. Kelli Jean got a standing ovation for her comment at Sarai’s talk (Louise was not brave enough to get up!). For Kelli Jean, it’s not a choice. “I can’t not say something.” Kelli Jean felt bad for getting a standing ovation and taking the focus off Sarai, but she thanked her later for saving her. Here we are, Festival of Dangerous Ideas, with an accomplished novelist with some amazing ideas. And people still could not let go of their bullshit around health.? The entitlement of that - the idea that they can say “no you’re wrong, this is a wrong idea” - rather than “I’m really challenged by what you’re saying”. It’s just “No, you’re wrong, and you’re going to die because you’re fat”. People cannot let that go, because letting that go challenges and threatens their whole way of being in their own bodies, and their own relationships with their bodies. If we go “Hey, we’re fat, we’re going to live in our bodies and wear bikinis and show our bodies and love them and have sexy time and eat whatever the fuck we want”, people can’t deal. A lot of people invest so much time into trying to maintain a thin body, that to suggest that time could be better spent is too much. Small people don’t have it easy either: they may feel they have to invest a lot into maintaining it, because of a belief that it maintains happiness or acceptance or health. Engaging in diet culture is tiring for all of us. If you challenge that, they freak out. People get defensive and don’t want to listen. Kelli Jean gets it - it’s a massive capitalist machine. There’s a lot of money to be made by making sure women hate their bodies. The sexist, [atriarchal structure of capitalism is a lot to challenge. But come on - if you’re paying for a talk which is specifically to challenge you, be challenged! Kelli Jean is sure that if TED talks had a question time, the exact same thing would have happened. The TED talk was one of the scariest things Kelli Jean has ever done. But if someone says to you hey, do you want to talk to potentially millions of people on the main stage of the Opera House about something that you love - you’re not going to say no! There were 2500 people at the Opera House, but there were also 20 000 people watching live around the world! And no auto cue - Kelli Jean had to remember the whole thing off by heart. She did have notes stuffed down her bra. This was also one of the first TED talks to ever address the topic of fat positivity. So it got picked up by TED.com - they call it “Big Ted” in the USA & put on their platform. So now nearly 2 million people have watched it! Of course, when the talk went up there was a huge number of hateful comments. Kelli Jean spoke to the TED people to say that this is really damaging for fat people who might read these comments, so they actually disabled the comments both here and in the USA. Kelli Jean never read them, but heard how awful and violent they were, and she didn’t want people exposed to that. Kelli Jean knows how awful it can be, and knows it’s coming if she puts something out there. But she feels for the people who may not know and be impacted by the vitriol and outright hatred. It’s awful to think there are people out there who have nothing better to do than hate on people, especially women, who are ok with themselves. That threatens the patriarchy, the status quo, and it freaks people out. Some people (??Dylan Meryn?) meet people who troll them & find out they are just sad or have difficult lives or whatever. Kelli Jean does not want to do that! But she does want people to understand that people who troll like that are sad & have their own issues. So the resistance to fat representation centres on 2 main ‘arguments’: 1) “but what about health”, and 2) hatred. Without doubt the most vitriol comes from straight men. But as a queer woman, Kelli Jean could not care less if they find her attractive or if she offends them visually. Which is possibly why they find people like her threatening! This trolling and hatred fuels Kelli Jean’s fat activist fire. And it doesn’t feel like a choice for Kelli Jean. and it’s wonderful to see how far activism has come. There are some really popular and mainstream artists, like Lizzo, and this is very different from when she grew up. Kelli Jean loves the fact that so many fat younger people are owning it, wearing crop tops etc and just unapologetic about their size. As a teenager she never ever saw stuff like that! She bought into it for ages - and then, just got jack of it! Although she’s been in this thinking and activism space for a long time, it is still a process. There are still hard times. Kelli Jean is now directing a short film called “The Rainbow Passage”, it’s about Cadence Autumn-Bell. It’s her story about her transition, and her girlfriend is also transitioning, and they’re in Bathurst (small NSW country town). While fat positivity is important, Kelli jean also wants to focus on body positivity overall, and all of the intersections and layers of this, affirming gender diversity, differently abled bodies, being intergenerational, holding space for people of colour and their stories. Because it’s all interconnected. Intersectional feminism is the only way really! The other project is top secret, and we’re super excited about it! All of these ideas of loving who you are and pushing back against the dominant narrative are interconnected. We talk about the Insight show & how people questioned whether or not Kelli Jean was a swimmer. She just is! At the end of the Insight taping, kelli Jean told them that they could not show any of the scenes from Aquaporko on the show, because they’d treated her so awfully. Kelli Jean is often asked to take part in shows like this and she usually says no, because she will not set herself up for another ambush. It’s understandable that many fat activists are wary about appearing in the media, because they are so often ambushed with the interviewer’s own internalised weight stigma. The host of Insight, Jenny Brockie, obviously has her own issues with weight, because we’d never seen her so un-objective and accusatory towards a guest on the show. Jenny Brockie really went for Kelli Jean, but as usual she handled it like a champ! Resources: A link to the SBS Insight show which they called “Fat Fighters” (we did not know this was going to be the title, another aspect of the ambush) The transcript from the SBS show Insight Sarai Walker’s (author of Dietland) talk at the Festival of Dangerous ideas on radical Fat Acceptance Shrill by Lindy West - the book. Shrill the tv series. Dietland the book and the tv series Dumplin Aquaporko Aussie people can watch Nothing to Lose on SBS on Demand Watch Kelli Jean’s Ted Talk Find out more about Kelli Jean here

My guest this week is the incredible film maker, speaker & activist Kelli Jean Drinkwater, and she has a huge fire in her belly about how fat people are represented onstage! Fat people have been virtually invisible in the creative arts, but Kelli Jean’s mission is to bring them into the limelight! In order to combat weight stigma and create a world in which all bodies belong, it is VITAL that fat people are represented in the creative arts. And not just as a boring STEREOTYPE, but as fully rounded, amazing, positive and UNAPOLOGETIC humans! Join me for a fantastic conversation as Kelli Jean & I unpack how things are changing in the industry & what still needs to be challenged. And hear all about Kelli Jeans’ simply INCREDIBLE projects! This is a fabulous & inspiring episode from an artist who professionally BLOWS PEOPLE’S MINDS!     Shownotes   My guest is Sydney based film maker, speaker and activist Kelli Jean Drinkwater, who is totally fired up about fat representation in the media. Louise talks about how she & Kelli Jean first met several years ago on the set of Insight, a tv program in which there was an ‘ambush’ of fat activists and Kelli Jean was in the front line of host Jenny Brockie’s fatphobia. Her anger acts as fuel to change how fat people are being represented. We can get fired up in 2 ways, because although on one hand representation and casting of fat characters are getting better, there’s still a long way to go! There’s been a recent spate of films and tv shows especially in the USA which feature fat narratives, but they are still centred around cis gendered, white, heterosexual perspectives, and also the smaller side of fat people being cast. We have stories like Shrill, where the character is fat and staying fat, and Dietland, adapted from the amazing novel by Sarai Walker, where it’s still very good & fat positive but still some decisions made in that process which reflect weight bias. Like in both Shrill & in Dietland the main fat characters had love interests or sexual partners that were just awful men! In Shrill, her love interest feels ashamed of her and makes her leave out of the back door. She’s meant to be this onto it fat woman and wh???? So eventually he comes around and says ok meet my friends, and she doesn’t dump him. And in Dietland the main character is a virgin, and rather than having a good experience she has this awful experience with a fetishist and a feeder who then rapes her. And it’s like - “ok, so that’s the kind of sex we’re going to see?” It could be done differently, and that’s frustrating. And then there’s the movie “Dumplin”, which Louise liked, she never saw anything like that when she was growing up. And it’s lovely to see the thin character (the mum, Jennifer Aniston), as the one always dieting, miserable and insecure. There’s some great characters in this - the fat auntie, who is always supportive of her. But then the aunt dies, and we’re not told why but it’s implied it’s because she was fat!? The love interest in Dumplin was great, he’s the hot guy and he is also lovely, he has no qualms about being attracted to her, and they just get together and it’s all ok. This is a narrative we need to see. Love is possible no matter what you look like. The hot guy can want to be with the fat girl. Kelli Jean related to her love of Dolly Parton, and the camp friends! Also the swimsuit scene at the end - they were in swing dresses and not bikinis??? There are things like that that we’re still not seeing, and Kelli Jean is keen as a film maker to push things further, to include more inclusivity and positivity to fat characters. Having a fat character in a story is not good enough, we need to see it handled properly. Kelli Jean’s first documentary was Aquaporko, all about the fat women’s synchronised swimming team that she started. The women are all extremely smiley, and they’re all in fantastic swim hats - which she got online from Esther Williams. Kelli Jean loved the beach and has always loved swimming and being in the water. But for years she did not go to the beach or swimming because of how she felt about her body. It’s such a basic thing, to swim and be in water, but for fat people this can be fraught. Aquaporko is a beautiful, fun, unapologetic and confronting story of fat people being in their bodies and loving it. And also of being in public, and taking up space. It was an important and transformative film for the people who were involved. That’s why she did Aquaporko, she did not want other people to not do things they love for years and years. The film came about after Kelli Jean got some friends together and at a Sydney public pool they taught themselves synchronised swimming, just for laughs. There was no agenda, but people would clap us when we got out of the pool. It got some traction and media attention, a chapter started in Brisbane & in Melbourne. The Melbourne team practised & became quite good. It got to the point where they were going to do a performance at the pool, Kelli Jean thought - well, I am a film maker, and so the film was born! It premiered at the Mardi Gras film festival in Sydney, and everyone loved it. It won the audience award. It’s colourful, it’s different, it’s a bit camp, it’s just very joyful. It’s shown in 47 countries now as part of different film festivals. It still gets requests to screen. Now Kelli Jean has made a feature film, Nothing to Lose, this also gets attention, but Aquaporko is just loved. Nothing to lose is Kelli Jean’s first feature film. She co-directed it, without funding. It’s the story - in 2013 she was approached by Kate Champion, a very well known choreographer and theatre director for Force Majeur. She wanted to a dance theatre production exploring the fat dancing body, body politics and explore why this is such a taboo subject. In clubs, Kate’s eye was always drawn to bigger people dancing. Realising that she is a very slim, trained dancer, Kate realised she needed to collaborate with a fat artist who understands not just the performance but also the politics. Kelli Jean was the perfect choice! Kelli Jean offered artistic direction on the production, and decided to make a film about it on the way. It took 3 years off and on to make the show, and the film goes from the auditions to opening night. The show and the film explore not just the choreography and what fat bodies can do, but also about the people involved and their relationship to their bodies. It was amazing to have this show, commissioned by the Sydney Festival, choreographed by an accomplished person like Kate Champion. This really is ‘mainstream’ art in Sydney! At the time, nothing like it had been done. Dance theatre isn’t just dance, it’s theatre as well. It was very well received, and there was lots of media attention on it from all over the world. Just the concept of fat people dancing blew people’s minds. In the film they talked about the level of interest - is that just ‘the freak show’ or are people genuinely interested? But it got really positive reviews, almost all positive. Which was a bit disappointing as no piece of art is perfect. On Kate’s advice Kelli Jean and the cast decided during the performance time not to read comments or reviews. To allow themselves to just do the shows without worrying about how it was being received. Which is a good idea - there is an underground, Reddit based group of people who almost professionally hate fat people for no apparent reason. The show toured to Melbourne but not internationally. It’s almost like the people putting on these shows are ok with it because it is very ‘of the moment’ - it is controversial, which gets attention and therefore money. But they are still very cautious about it. Which is why it was good to work with Kate because she is not cautious! So it’s the same thing: yes, you can do a fat story - BUT, it has to be a white woman, and fat but not massively fat - and not TOO happy. And of course that is part of the story - you don’t just go I’m fat & I’m happy about that, we carry all of this baggage around with us all of the time. And so it makes sense that the characters who are written also carry this around - it would be weird if they didn’t. But there is ways we can push. And to not tour internationally is a shame, because it would have gone off! But this is why it’s great that Kelli Jean made the film. Everyone who worked on the film did it for free, for years. Because they believed this story needed to get out, and because the show did not tour. The film premiered at a queer film festival in San Francisco in 2018 and a massive premiere at Quuer screen at Mardi Gras in 2018. It has gone on to have a number of international screenings too, so it is getting seen! Also SBS on Demand bought it, so Australians can view it for free (link in resources). The film is the legacy of the show, and they’re all so glad it’s having success. Louise was in the audience (again) for Kelli Jean’s TED Talk which she gave at the Opera House. That came about from a funny story: Kelli Jean was in the audience at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas at the Opera House in Sydney, listening to Sarai Walker, author of Dietland, who was talking about radical fat acceptance. Her talk was all about the need to stop distracting from ideas of pure, radical acceptance by talking about ‘health’. At the end of her talk all of the questions were about health! Kelli Jean got up and caused a scene! She got up and said - I don’t have a question, but I just want to say I am embarrassed that here we are at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas, and here we are again talking about health! It was very triggering for Kelli Jean, because of the Insight experience and how she was hijacked there. Kelli Jean was like, “oh my god it’s happening again”. Afterwards, Edwina Throsby who was the head of TEDx Sydney, came up and said I want you to do a TED talk. Kelli Jean got a standing ovation for her comment at Sarai’s talk (Louise was not brave enough to get up!). For Kelli Jean, it’s not a choice. “I can’t not say something.” Kelli Jean felt bad for getting a standing ovation and taking the focus off Sarai, but she thanked her later for saving her. Here we are, Festival of Dangerous Ideas, with an accomplished novelist with some amazing ideas. And people still could not let go of their bullshit around health.? The entitlement of that - the idea that they can say “no you’re wrong, this is a wrong idea” - rather than “I’m really challenged by what you’re saying”. It’s just “No, you’re wrong, and you’re going to die because you’re fat”. People cannot let that go, because letting that go challenges and threatens their whole way of being in their own bodies, and their own relationships with their bodies. If we go “Hey, we’re fat, we’re going to live in our bodies and wear bikinis and show our bodies and love them and have sexy time and eat whatever the fuck we want”, people can’t deal. A lot of people invest so much time into trying to maintain a thin body, that to suggest that time could be better spent is too much. Small people don’t have it easy either: they may feel they have to invest a lot into maintaining it, because of a belief that it maintains happiness or acceptance or health. Engaging in diet culture is tiring for all of us. If you challenge that, they freak out. People get defensive and don’t want to listen. Kelli Jean gets it - it’s a massive capitalist machine. There’s a lot of money to be made by making sure women hate their bodies. The sexist, [atriarchal structure of capitalism is a lot to challenge. But come on - if you’re paying for a talk which is specifically to challenge you, be challenged! Kelli Jean is sure that if TED talks had a question time, the exact same thing would have happened. The TED talk was one of the scariest things Kelli Jean has ever done. But if someone says to you hey, do you want to talk to potentially millions of people on the main stage of the Opera House about something that you love - you’re not going to say no! There were 2500 people at the Opera House, but there were also 20 000 people watching live around the world! And no auto cue - Kelli Jean had to remember the whole thing off by heart. She did have notes stuffed down her bra. This was also one of the first TED talks to ever address the topic of fat positivity. So it got picked up by TED.com - they call it “Big Ted” in the USA & put on their platform. So now nearly 2 million people have watched it! Of course, when the talk went up there was a huge number of hateful comments. Kelli Jean spoke to the TED people to say that this is really damaging for fat people who might read these comments, so they actually disabled the comments both here and in the USA. Kelli Jean never read them, but heard how awful and violent they were, and she didn’t want people exposed to that. Kelli Jean knows how awful it can be, and knows it’s coming if she puts something out there. But she feels for the people who may not know and be impacted by the vitriol and outright hatred. It’s awful to think there are people out there who have nothing better to do than hate on people, especially women, who are ok with themselves. That threatens the patriarchy, the status quo, and it freaks people out. Some people (??Dylan Meryn?) meet people who troll them & find out they are just sad or have difficult lives or whatever. Kelli Jean does not want to do that! But she does want people to understand that people who troll like that are sad & have their own issues. So the resistance to fat representation centres on 2 main ‘arguments’: 1) “but what about health”, and 2) hatred. Without doubt the most vitriol comes from straight men. But as a queer woman, Kelli Jean could not care less if they find her attractive or if she offends them visually. Which is possibly why they find people like her threatening! This trolling and hatred fuels Kelli Jean’s fat activist fire. And it doesn’t feel like a choice for Kelli Jean. and it’s wonderful to see how far activism has come. There are some really popular and mainstream artists, like Lizzo, and this is very different from when she grew up. Kelli Jean loves the fact that so many fat younger people are owning it, wearing crop tops etc and just unapologetic about their size. As a teenager she never ever saw stuff like that! She bought into it for ages - and then, just got jack of it! Although she’s been in this thinking and activism space for a long time, it is still a process. There are still hard times. Kelli Jean is now directing a short film called “The Rainbow Passage”, it’s about Cadence Autumn-Bell. It’s her story about her transition, and her girlfriend is also transitioning, and they’re in Bathurst (small NSW country town). While fat positivity is important, Kelli jean also wants to focus on body positivity overall, and all of the intersections and layers of this, affirming gender diversity, differently abled bodies, being intergenerational, holding space for people of colour and their stories. Because it’s all interconnected. Intersectional feminism is the only way really! The other project is top secret, and we’re super excited about it! All of these ideas of loving who you are and pushing back against the dominant narrative are interconnected. We talk about the Insight show & how people questioned whether or not Kelli Jean was a swimmer. She just is! At the end of the Insight taping, kelli Jean told them that they could not show any of the scenes from Aquaporko on the show, because they’d treated her so awfully. Kelli Jean is often asked to take part in shows like this and she usually says no, because she will not set herself up for another ambush. It’s understandable that many fat activists are wary about appearing in the media, because they are so often ambushed with the interviewer’s own internalised weight stigma. The host of Insight, Jenny Brockie, obviously has her own issues with weight, because we’d never seen her so un-objective and accusatory towards a guest on the show. Jenny Brockie really went for Kelli Jean, but as usual she handled it like a champ! Resources: A link to the SBS Insight show which they called “Fat Fighters” (we did not know this was going to be the title, another aspect of the ambush) The transcript from the SBS show Insight Sarai Walker’s (author of Dietland) talk at the Festival of Dangerous ideas on radical Fat Acceptance Shrill by Lindy West - the book. Shrill the tv series. Dietland the book and the tv series Dumplin Aquaporko Aussie people can watch Nothing to Lose on SBS on Demand Watch Kelli Jean’s Ted Talk Find out more about Kelli Jean here

Fjallað um skosku þjóðlagasveitina The Incredible String Band. Lögin sem hljóma í þættinum eru: The October Song, The Tree, Empty Pocket Blues, Painting Box, First Girl I Loved, The Hedgehog's Song, Minotaur's Song, The Circle Unbroken, Big Ted og No Sleep Blues.

Fjallað um skosku þjóðlagasveitina The Incredible String Band. Lögin sem hljóma í þættinum eru: The October Song, The Tree, Empty Pocket Blues, Painting Box, First Girl I Loved, The Hedgehog's Song, Minotaur's Song, The Circle Unbroken, Big Ted og No Sleep Blues.

Fjallað um skosku þjóðlagasveitina The Incredible String Band. Lögin sem hljóma í þættinum eru: The October Song, The Tree, Empty Pocket Blues, Painting Box, First Girl I Loved, The Hedgehog's Song, Minotaur's Song, The Circle Unbroken, Big Ted og No Sleep Blues.

Fjallað um skosku þjóðlagasveitina The Incredible String Band. Lögin sem hljóma í þættinum eru: The October Song, The Tree, Empty Pocket Blues, Painting Box, First Girl I Loved, The Hedgehog's Song, Minotaur's Song, The Circle Unbroken, Big Ted og No Sleep Blues.

Thank you for clicking on Number One Rerun.   This week we look back at who was number one on 7th October 1982 as well as chatting about other bits & pieces from on that day.   Send us a date to cover in a future episode via twitter, instagram, faceboook or email us numberonererun@hotmail.com   We are the creators www.britpodscene.com   Carla can also be found with her other middle class friend at https://themeparkfilms.podbean.com   Our artwork was provided by  https://roughgiraffe.podbean.com  

Featuring new music from Om Unit, Mister Shifter, Leo Zen, Uji, Strategy and more HYC 067 welcomes a guest mix from Queenstown based DJ Rasty. Rasty used to run the Nightbirds parties in Osaka alongside Big Ted for a number of years before moving back to his native home of Queenstown to focus on some other ventures. A talented and technically gifted DJ he made a solid name for himself in the Japan Drum & Bass scene and would regularly play shows around the country. Rasty will be joining Jonny Dub, Dub Phizix & Chunky at the Outlook festival Christchurch lunch party on the 20/04 so if you are in the area be sure to come along and support. More info on the event here - https://www.facebook.com/events/2023598107928608/ Thanks again to Pomona Illustration for the artwork for the show. You can check his work out here - http://www.pomonadesign.co.uk/ As always drop a comment if you are feeling the vibes Safe

Yeah, G’Day! There’s a bear in there, and a chair as well! (There may even be people with games and stories to tell…) It’s time to talk about Play School! This educational tv show for kids has shaped Australia to be the country it is today. Tim and Leon would not be who they are without Play School… The good bits of them at least! We have all the latest gossip on Big Ted, Little Ted, Normal Noni, the Rocket Clock, and the Ning Nang Nong. It’s a real rollercoaster ride of emotions! Stay tuned for a little bit of Dad-vice! We now have a Patreon page with a bunch of excellent rewards starting at just $1! Head to www.patreon.com/yeahgday and start receiving the Patron benefits today! Don’t forget to join our Facebook group: Yeah, G’Day! Fans. Thanks to Curtis Fernance for our music, and Teylor Smirl for our cover art. Find everything Yeah, G'Day! related at www.yeahgday.com, and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @yeahgdaypodcast Proudly part of the Auscast Network! #yeahgdaypodcast #yeahgday #australia #australian #playschool #kid #children #tv #tvshow #abc #education #childrenstv #kidstv #australiantv #television #educational #bigted #ningnangnong #playschoolaustralia #comedy #culture #history #podcast #podcasting #laugh #auscast #auscastnetwork #audioboom #new See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Were you were raised on a diet of classic Aussie kids shows like Play School and Blinky Bill? Your kids might not be so lucky. Children's TV could be in its dying days and Big Ted and co are on the chopping block. But you can save it, Jay Laga'aia explains how. Plus, should a 100 kg seven-year-old be allowed to play rugby with his peers? And the parents of kid geniuses need to put a sock in it, because there's no such thing as a gifted child.  Show notes Your hosts are Holly Wainwright and Andrew Daddo With thanks to Jay Laga'aia. If you want to save children's TV, go to https://www.savechildrenscontent.org/takeaction and write a letter to you local member of parliament.  To buy Wander or any other books mentioned on our podcasts, visit iBooks at apple.co/mamamia, where you can also subscribe to all our other shows in one place. If you're not a subscriber yet, why not? Do it now. We'll wait... While you're there, leave us a review and tell us what you think of the show. If you're a gloriously messy parent, leave us an audio message at 02 8999 9386 and say hello.  Or email tgm@mamamia.com.au And let us know what you nailed or failed this week! This show was produced by Rachel Wagner. EP of Podcasts at Mamamia is Monique Bowley See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Get lost in reverie where sparkling beats and mesmerising vocals lead into an abyss of sultry bass lines Rasty [Osaka | Japan] Michael Leung aka Rasty was born in Christchurch, New Zealand. A city renowned for it’s deep drum ‘n bass culture. Now based in Osaka, Japan, together with fellow Kiwi Tim Fieldes aka Big Ted formed the Nightbirds crew with an aim to revive the Drum & Bass scene and breathe new life into the city. Since starting, Nightbirds has brought through acts such as: Commix, The Upbeats, State of Mind, Om Unit, Swindle, Jonny Dub and Chimpo, with many more plans in the pipeline. Rasty’s sound is deep and intellectual, drawing influences from the likes of Calibre, dBridge and Skeptical, but you can also hear influences of footwork, grime and hip hop through his close work with other DJs and crews within the city. When it comes to his musical philosophy Rasty believes that ‘to have a heavy sound, you don’t necessarily need to play heavy tunes.’ He has become an integral part of the bass music scene in Osaka, hosting and playing at a range of parties across the city, from creating platforms to showcase local DJs, to supporting international artists.

Get lost in reverie where sparkling beats and mesmerising vocals lead into an abyss of sultry bass lines Rasty [Osaka | Japan] Michael Leung aka Rasty was born in Christchurch, New Zealand. A city renowned for it’s deep drum ‘n bass culture. Now based in Osaka, Japan, together with fellow Kiwi Tim Fieldes aka Big Ted formed the Nightbirds crew with an aim to revive the Drum & Bass scene and breathe new life into the city. Since starting, Nightbirds has brought through acts such as: Commix, The Upbeats, State of Mind, Om Unit, Swindle, Jonny Dub and Chimpo, with many more plans in the pipeline. Rasty’s sound is deep and intellectual, drawing influences from the likes of Calibre, dBridge and Skeptical, but you can also hear influences of footwork, grime and hip hop through his close work with other DJs and crews within the city. When it comes to his musical philosophy Rasty believes that ‘to have a heavy sound, you don’t necessarily need to play heavy tunes.’ He has become an integral part of the bass music scene in Osaka, hosting and playing at a range of parties across the city, from creating platforms to showcase local DJs, to supporting international artists.

Big Ted of @4urspeculation joins us for discussion of the 1996 Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Emmys category because Barbara Babcock was nominated and submitted this as her tape

     The headlines read, that TRUMP has got into a battle with BIG TED on their wives, after an organization posted a picture of TRUMP'S WIFE in the nude asking, and this is not word for word, but DO YOU WANT THIS AS THE FIRST LADY OF AMERICA?  CRUZ says, this isn't him, but outside of his jurisdiction, however TRUMP isn't buying it.  This may or may not be the discussion for today, but the POLLS, recently - and this is where I get beside myself - It says THESE ARE THE POLLS THAT MATTER (not all the polls before) TRUMP has tanked, due to the violence and other things, and he will lose against HILARY (HILLARY?) 347-205-9366       And you know that the bombings and chaos in FRANCE, BRUSSELS, and more has dominated the news, while PRESIDENT OBAMA was doing the TANGO in ARGENTINA.  That may be talk worthy - check in and see - THE COOL CRITICS, if you please - 347-205-9366.

Everyone's got BFF probs, except for us, because we have Big Ted (or the For Your Speculation podcast series) on board

Peter Dasent – Musician Peter Dasent may not be a name bantered around the dinner table much but guaranteed his music has caused many a conversation. As piano player on Play School, Peter was introduced to Justine Clarke… and the rest is current history. It's a small club that holds gold and platinum records in the children's market, but Peter, through the voice of Justine, has given our children some of their greatest music ever.

Peter Dasent – Musician Peter Dasent may not be a name bantered around the dinner table much but guaranteed his music has caused many a conversation. As piano player on Play School, Peter was introduced to Justine Clarke… and the rest is current history. It’s a small club that holds gold and platinum records in the children’s market, but Peter, through the voice of Justine, has given our children some of their greatest music ever.

Scotty talks with Chris Hardy from Xamarin and Nic Wise from Big Ted about MonoTouch an iOS layer on top of the open source .NET clone Mono.