Podcast appearances and mentions of susan forward

— “No matter how confused, self- doubting or ambivalent we are about what's happening in our interactions with other people, we can never entirely silence the inner voice that always tells us the truth. We may not like the sound of the truth, and we often let it murmur just outside our consciousness, not stopping long enough to listen. But when we pay attention to it, it leads us towards wisdom, health and clarity. That voice is the guardian of our integrity.”  ~Susan Forward, Ph.D. Valeria interviews Rhonda Van De Geest  — She is a Certified & Accredited Narcissistic Abuse Specialist , Somatic Trauma Informed Coach, PreKure Mental Health Coach and trained practitioner of Living Wisdom Pastoral Therapy and Brainspotting. Rhonda is the founder of Victory Overwhelming, a Mental Wellness Coaching Service which takes a holistic approach to helping people free themselves from the effects of Narcissistic Abuse and Intergenerational Trauma.  Rhonda's passion is to help people gain Victory over their Overwhelming emotions, caused by narcissism, trauma and spiritual abuse. Rhonda coaches clients to help them regain the four fundamental emotional needs which trauma destroys – their sense of Safety, Significance, Purpose and Innocence (freedom from guilt and shame).  She combines the latest Brain/Body neuroscience, Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems, ACT and Pastoral Therapy for Somatic Belief Reprogramming to help clients gain awareness of and learn to overcome the barriers preventing them from living a more fulfilling life. Her unique combination of skills fills a gap in the existing mental health system, helping clients for whom traditional ‘talk-therapies' have not provided the desired outcomes.  Healing occurs in the body, mind and soul. Whether you need a one-off consultation or ongoing support, it's important to get support from someone who not only has personal understanding of severe trauma, but has overcome it to experience post traumatic growth. Rhonda helps people all over the world via online and in person coaching. Contact Rhonda to explore how you can best work together to meet your needs. To learn more about Rhonda Van De Geest and her work, please visit: https://www.victoryoverwhelming.com/

Dans cet épisode, notre duo mère-fille plonge dans l'univers complexe des relations familiales, un pilier essentiel de notre développement en tant qu'adultes.

The book Toxic Parents by Susan Forward

Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward

The Inner World of the Blackmailer It Takes Two A Special Word on Women and Self-Doubt Emotional Blackmail and Integrity  We always have a choice - we can avoid the FOG What is the strategy?  How do you change the power balance?   Cut through the FOG!

Why is it that some people are able to emotionally overpower us, leaving us feeling defeated?   What is emotional blackmail?   What is the FOG?   How do you diagnose emotional blackmail?   The four faces of blackmail.   What strategies to blackmailers use?  

Az e heti podcastban: politikai szezonnyitó Magyar Péterrel, Kovács és Karácsony Gergellyel, Fidesszel és stb. Valamint: "Anyák, akik nem tudnak szeretni", és egy író, aki sohasem akart szép dolgokat írni. Iratkozz fel a hvg360-ra, az első hónapban csupán 360 forintért! hvg.hu/360/elofizetes Az e heti menü: 00:32 Bemelegítés (Hamvay Péter) 07:22 Miből tudni, hogy valaki szerető vagy nem szerető anya? Susan Forward sikerkönyve ad válaszokat a kérdésre (Matalin Dóra) 13:32 Irodalmi vezéralak volt, igazi tábor nélkül – száz éve halt meg Bródy Sándor (László Ferenc)

The Queen of Drag discusses his new memoir, The House of Hidden Meanings, and makes Dan play an R-rated game.RuPaul Charles became famous in 1993 with the song “Supermodel.” Since then, he's put out 18 albums, he's been in more than 50 films and TV shows, including his global hit, “RuPaul's Drag Race.” He's put out four books, including his latest, the number one New York Times best seller The House of Hidden Meanings. He's won fourteen Primetime Emmy Awards, and he won a Tony in 2022 for producing the Broadway show A Strange Loop. In this episode we talk about:His daily spiritual practicesTalking to his inner childThe challenging family he grew up inHis incredible business idea for a daytime disco for the over-40 setHis definition of wealth, and why he says he's always been rich, even when he had no moneyAnd he ropes Dan into a game of Dirty Charades – which gets a little spicy, so heads-up if you're listening with kids around or have sensitive earsOther resources mentioned: RuPaul's Allstora book shop and book clubToxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Dr. Susan Forward with Craig BuckRelated Episodes:A Star, Utterly Unguarded | Brett EldredgeHow to Deal With Emotionally Immature People (Including Maybe Your Own Parents) | Lindsay C. GibsonThere's No Part Of Your Life You Can't Make More Awesome | Jeff WarrenSign up for Dan's weekly newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesFull Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/rupaul-2024See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heute geht es um ein tiefgründiges Thema: Kontaktabbruch mit der Familie. Hier geht es nicht um Schuldzuweisungen, sondern darum, Verantwortung zu übernehmen.Unser Gast Ingo teilt mutig seine persönliche Reise und die Bedeutung des inneren Zuhause mit uns. Gemeinsam reflektieren wir über Zuhause, Grenzen und das Loslassen belastender Bindungen.✨ Diese Folge lädt dich ein, deine Überzeugungen zu hinterfragen und zu prüfen, wie du diesem Thema gegenüberstehst. Jeder hat seine Geschichte, und wir können versuchen, einander zu verstehen, ohne zu urteilen.Wir danken Ingo von Herzen für dieses Gespräch! Lasst uns eine Welt schaffen, in der wir uns alle als Teil eines liebevollen Universums fühlen können. 

*Sorry for the noise in the background. My youngest decided it was a good time to eat breakfast* What is Emotional Blackmail? This person may threaten to harm you or hurt themselves in order to get what they want or for you to do their bidding. Dr. Susan Forward coined the term emotional blackmail in her 1997 book “Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You.” Find this here- https://amzn.to/49mDckT Who does this? Someone that in the past may have experienced: Abandonment Moments they were made to feel unloved. Someone that has a narcissistic behavior Experienced trauma or abuse They have a low self esteem and low self worth Experienced blame or shame as a child They use this as a tool to keep control over someone they love or what they perceive as love. The victim feels guilt, fear or shame which is what the blackmailer wants. In many cases the blackmailer is just bluffing but the victim doesn't know this or if they do they could be just so worn down they comply hesitantly. It looks like: A demand that could be very subtle or literally in your face. You may try to ignore or resist the demand but the blackmailer keeps up the pressure for you to do whatever it is. If that isn't working they will start making threats to harm you, your children, family, furbabies or themselves. You then are so tired of this cycle that may go on and on for hours or days and you give in to their demands. This will play out so many more times in your relationship. “As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.” --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melinda-j-kunst/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melinda-j-kunst/support

In this reflection I fully explain RICO as a framework to invisible (psychological) harm ... as the sum-total to smaller, more isolated events. Uppercase "S" represents significance that is pronounced (or criminal) as juxtaposed to lowercase "s" that is isolated and seemingly insignificant. Supporting themes: Donald Trump; Georgia; Co- Defendants; Enterprising; Toxic parenting; Self care; Boundaries; Mothers and daughters; Individuation. This reflection was influenced, in part, by: 1) New York Times ("Trump and Allies in Georgia Face RICO Charges..."); 2) Susan Forward, PhD ("Mothers Who Can't Love "); 3) Very Well Mind ("What is Individuation?"). Typology: INTJ and Type 8

Chapter 1 What's Toxic Parents"Toxic Parents" is a self-help book written by Susan Forward, a psychotherapist, and Craig Buck. The book explores the topic of toxic or abusive parents and provides strategies for dealing with the emotional and psychological effects of such relationships. It delves into various types of toxic parents, including those who are overly critical, controlling, neglectful, or abusive. The authors also offer guidance on setting boundaries, healing from the past, and building healthier relationships.Chapter 2 Why is Toxic Parents Worth Read"Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward and Craig Buck is worth reading for several reasons:1. Insightful Analysis: The book provides a thorough analysis of toxic parenting and helps readers understand the various types of toxic behaviors parents may exhibit. It explores how these behaviors can manifest in different relationships and affect individuals emotionally and psychologically.2. Healing and Recovery: The authors offer practical advice and strategies on how to recognize and overcome the negative impact of toxic parenting. They provide tools for healing, self-empowerment, and creating healthier boundaries in relationships.3. Validation and Support: Reading this book can offer validation to those who have experienced toxic parenting. Understanding that their experiences are not unique and that there is a name for the behavior they have endured can provide a sense of relief and comfort.4. Awareness and Prevention: For those who have not experienced toxic parenting, this book can serve as an eye-opener and increase their awareness about the damaging effects of certain parenting styles. It also provides guidance on how to break the cycle and foster healthier relationships with children.5. Professional Resources: "Toxic Parents" is written by Susan Forward, a psychotherapist specializing in family dynamics and dysfunctional relationships. Her expertise brings credibility to the book, making it a valuable resource for professionals in the field of therapy and mental health.Overall, "Toxic Parents" offers a comprehensive exploration of toxic parenting, providing readers with insight, support, and guidance on how to navigate and heal from these challenging relationships.Chapter 3 Toxic Parents Summary"Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward and Craig Buck is a self-help book that offers guidance and support to individuals who have struggled with the negative and damaging effects of having toxic parents. The book explores the various types of toxic parenting behaviors and their impact on the emotional and psychological well-being of the child.The authors discuss how toxic parents can be controlling, manipulative, abusive, or neglectful, and provide insights into the different ways these behaviors can manifest. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and understanding the toxic patterns to break free from them.The book also addresses the challenge of setting boundaries with toxic parents and offers practical strategies to protect oneself from their harmful influence. The authors highlight the significance of self-care and self-empowerment when dealing with toxic parents.Additionally, the book provides tools and exercises to help readers heal from the effects of toxic parenting. The authors encourage individuals to seek therapy, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and build strong support systems to aid in their healing journey.Overall, "Toxic Parents" serves as a valuable resource for anyone seeking to understand and overcome the toxic dynamics within their family. It offers validation, guidance, and hope for individuals striving to break free from the cycle of toxic parenting and establish...

Chapter 1 What's Emotional Blackmail"Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" is a self-help book written by Susan Forward. It discusses how people can manipulate others through the use of fear, obligation, and guilt. The book explores various case studies and provides tools and strategies to resist emotional blackmail and establish healthier boundaries in relationships. By understanding the tactics used by emotional blackmailers, the book aims to empower individuals to break free from destructive patterns and foster healthier connections with others.Chapter 2 Why is Emotional Blackmail Worth ReadEmotional Blackmail by Susan Forward is worth reading for several reasons:1. Insightful analysis: The book delves into the psychological dynamics of emotional blackmail, providing deep insights into manipulative behaviors and their effects on individuals. By understanding the tactics used by emotional blackmailers, readers can develop a better understanding of their own experiences or identify and avoid such behaviors in their relationships.2. Practical advice: Along with analysis, Susan Forward offers practical strategies and tools to deal with emotional blackmail effectively. She provides step-by-step guidance on setting boundaries, asserting oneself, and creating healthier relationships. These actionable tips can empower readers to regain control over their lives and relationships.3. Real-life examples: The author illustrates her points with real-life stories from her therapy practice. These examples help readers relate to and understand the concepts better, making the book more engaging and relatable.4. Self-reflection exercises: Throughout the book, Emotional Blackmail includes self-reflection exercises and thought-provoking questions that encourage readers to assess their own circumstances and relationships. These exercises foster personal growth and provide readers with opportunities to reflect on their experiences and make positive changes in their lives.5. Relevance in different contexts: Emotional blackmail can occur in various relationships, including romantic partnerships, friendships, family dynamics, and even workplace settings. The concepts discussed in the book are applicable across different contexts, making it valuable for a wide range of readers.Overall, Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward provides valuable insights, practical advice, and relatable examples, helping readers navigate the complex world of emotional manipulation and improve their emotional well-being.Chapter 3 Emotional Blackmail Summary"Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward is a book that explores the concept of emotional manipulation in relationships and provides strategies for recognizing and dealing with it. The book begins by explaining what emotional blackmail is, which is a powerful form of manipulation where someone uses fear, obligation, and guilt to control and manipulate others.Forward identifies different types of emotional blackmailers and provides real-life examples to illustrate the various ways emotional manipulation can manifest. She also offers insights on why people become emotional blackmailers, often stemming from their childhood experiences and unresolved emotional issues.The book focuses on empowering readers to recognize and break free from the cycle of emotional blackmail. Forward offers practical strategies to respond to emotional blackmail, including setting boundaries, developing assertiveness skills, and learning how to detach emotionally from the manipulation.Throughout the book, Forward emphasizes the importance of self-care and self-respect, encouraging readers to take

Hôm nay mình xin chia sẻ tới các bạn một cuốn sách mang tên "Cha mẹ độc hại" (Toxic Parents) của nhà trị liệu tâm lý nổi tiếng quốc tế Susan Forward và đồng tác giả Craig Buck, nhà sản xuất phim, chuyên gia nghiên cứu về hành vi con người. ------------------------- ❤️ ỦNG HỘ KÊNH TẠI (Buy me a coffee): https://beacons.ai/betterversion.donate Nếu bạn muốn mua sách giấy để đọc, có thể ủng hộ Better Version bằng cách mua qua đường link này nhé, cám ơn các bạn! - Link 1: https://shorten.asia/JRXYeyRy (HCM) - Link 2: https://shorten.asia/HShyrbJn (Hà Nội) ❤️ Link tổng hợp các cuốn sách trong tất cả video: https://beacons.ai/betterversion.vn/b...

How well do you get along with your in-laws? This is a touchy subject for many families, as friction or tension with in-law relationships is very common, but hard to navigate. The root of in-law trouble can be traced back to a failure to “leave and cleave”, but this ancient biblical mandate is easier said than done. Most people enter marriage thinking that their partner will always put them first, or that in-law relationships will improve over time, but it doesn't take long for conflict or division to emerge. Shay, Lynn and John have a lively conversation about what it actually means to leave your parents physically, emotionally, financially and psychologically, and identify the problems that occur when this fails to happen. This episode will help you pay attention to the ways you have, or have not, been able to leave and cleave, and where it may be causing trouble in your in-law relationships. If you find the WYITW podcast helpful, tell your friends, leave the team a podcast review, follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds or email us at withyou@thecrossingchurch.com with any topics you'd like discussed on future episodes. Resources Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Narzissmus hat viele Gesichter. Doch nicht alle Formen sind mit freiem Auge auf Anhieb sichtbar. Gerade beim verdeckten Narzissmus läuft die Manipulation subtil und im Verborgenen ab. Diese Beziehungen sind nicht selten toxisch und die Folgen können drastisch sein, wenn du die manipulativen Fäden nicht rechtzeitig kappst. Diese Folge dreht sich um Narzissmus: Welche Formen von Narzissmus gibt es? Wie läuft die Manipulation und der emotionale Missbrauch ab? Und was kannst du tun, um dich vor diesen Menschen zu schützen? Buchempfehlungen: „Emotionale Erpressung“ von Susan Forward: https://amzn.to/3Mr8Nd0 „Verdeckter Narzissmus in Beziehungen“ von Turid Müller: https://amzn.to/40K1B0b Falls du eine Frage hast, kannst du mir unter diesem Link auf meinem "Anrufbeantworter" eine Nachricht hinterlassen: https://www.speakpipe.com/lesliejaeger. In einer der nächsten Folgen versuche ich dann, dir eine Antwort darauf zu geben. Produziert von DAS POD (https://daspod.at/) - ein Teil von soSTEGISCH.

Susan Forward - Author of Toxic Parents --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/recoveringmyinnerchild/support

Brandon discusses the 6 Stages and 4 Styles of Emotional Blackmail from the book 'Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You' by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier. To purchase a copy of 'Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You' by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier, please click here. If you want to be a guest on our survivor story podcast, please click here or send us an email at narcissistapocalypse@gmail.com Thank you to our sponsor BETTERHELP. If you need online counseling from anywhere in the world, please do go to https://www.betterhelp.com/nap Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. If you or someone you know are experiencing abuse, you are not alone. DomesticShelters.org offers an extensive library of articles and resources that can help you make sense of what you're experiencing, connect you with local resources and find ways to heal and move forward. Visit www.domesticshelters.org to access this free resource.  Join our new Community Social Network at https://community.narcissistapocalypse.com/ Join our Instagram Channel at https://www.instagram.com/narcissistapocalypse Join our Youtube Channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpTIgjTqVJa4caNWMIAJllA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brandon discusses the 6 Stages and 4 Styles of Emotional Blackmail from the book 'Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You' by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier. To purchase a copy of 'Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You' by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier, please click here. If you want to be a guest on our survivor story podcast, please click here or send us an email at narcissistapocalypse@gmail.com Thank you to our sponsor BETTERHELP. If you need online counseling from anywhere in the world, please do go to https://www.betterhelp.com/nap Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. If you or someone you know are experiencing abuse, you are not alone. DomesticShelters.org offers an extensive library of articles and resources that can help you make sense of what you're experiencing, connect you with local resources and find ways to heal and move forward. Visit www.domesticshelters.org to access this free resource.  Join our new Community Social Network at https://community.narcissistapocalypse.com/ Join our Instagram Channel at https://www.instagram.com/narcissistapocalypse Join our Youtube Channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpTIgjTqVJa4caNWMIAJllA

Were your parents able to teach you every life lesson perfectly when you were a kid? Claire gives you some tips on how to make up for what you didn't get when you were young by reparenting yourself now. Plus, she answers a question from a listener who is concerned her issues with mental health will negatively affect her children.   Check out these books Claire recommends about reparenting yourself: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson Mothers Who Can't Love by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier Glynn Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel Healing Your Lost Inner Child by Robert Jackman   Do you have something you want Claire's help with? Send her a question to be featured on an upcoming episode by emailing us at newday@lemonadamedia.com or submitting one at www.bit.ly/newdayask.   Want to connect? Join the New Day Facebook Group!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/newdaypod   Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this show and all Lemonada shows go to lemonadamedia.com/sponsors.   To follow along with a transcript and/or take notes for friends and family, go to lemonadamedia.com/show/newday/ shortly after the air date.   Follow Claire on IG and FB @clairebidwellsmith or Twitter @clairebidwell and visit her website: www.clairebidwellsmith.com.   Stay up to date with us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at @LemonadaMedia.    Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, we talk about what it looks like to go on a healing journey towards self-love.  Kiesha is joined by a dear friend who has made her life's work about helping others understand and get to “the work.” Her name is Tira Feierstein, and she is a writer, artist and spiritual thought leader who is passionate about helping other woman feel less alone on their journey. Through her artful expression and storytelling, it is her mission to help illuminate a path of authenticity and healing for feminine empowerment. Her work focuses on women, but fellas, rest assured that this episode has lots of goodness for you too.  In this interview, Tira takes us through her insight about the important steps in a self-love journey with some of her personal reflections along the way.Find Tira Online:Tira on Instagram @her_story_projectShop book recommendations from this episode:All about Love: New Visions a book by Bell Hooks (bookshop.org)Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life a book by Susan Forward (bookshop.org)Clarity & Connection a book by Yung Pueblo (bookshop.org)You can check out more recommendations in the YOU Better BookshopBook Kiesha at https://kieshagarrison.coDirectly support the podcast financially:Cash AppVenmoPayPal.Me

Part II of "Being Orphaned". In this reflection I consider the relationship between healing, forgiveness, acceptance and ownership. Supporting themes: Abuse; Power; Child Psychology; Parenting: Family Systems Theory; Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome; and Emotional Availability. Text referenced: "Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters" by Dr. Susan Forward. Typology: INTJ8 and the 853 Enneagram Tritype.

Were your parents able to teach you every life lesson perfectly when you were a kid? Claire gives you some tips on how to make up for what you didn't get when you were young by reparenting yourself now. Plus, she answers a question from a listener who is concerned her issues with mental health will negatively affect her children. Check out these books Claire recommends about reparenting yourself: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson Mothers Who Can't Love by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier Glynn Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel Healing Your Lost Inner Child by Robert Jackman Do you have something you want Claire's help with? Send her a question to be featured on an upcoming episode by emailing us at newday@lemonadamedia.com or submitting one at www.bit.ly/newdayask. Want to connect? Join the New Day Facebook Group!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/newdaypod Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this show and all Lemonada shows go to lemonadamedia.com/sponsors. To follow along with a transcript and/or take notes for friends and family, go to lemonadamedia.com/show/newday/ shortly after the air date. Follow Claire on IG and FB @clairebidwellsmith or Twitter @clairebidwell and visit her website: www.clairebidwellsmith.com. Stay up to date with us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at @LemonadaMedia.  Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emotional Blackmail By Eka Darmadi - Rangkuman Buku Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward

A codependency checklist from page 39 of Susan Forward's book Toxic Parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life. Nikki breaks down the list and breaks down the codependency struggle and the tasks of recovery.

Bibliyoterapi'nin on beşinci bölümünde Aslı ve Tuna, sevilmiyorum diyenlerin derdine derman arıyor.Aslı ve Tuna'ya bibliyoterapi@podbeemedia.com mail adresinden yazabilirsiniz.Bölüm KünyesiZor Bir Ailede Büyümek: Geçmişi Onarmak ve Hayatı Geri Kazanmanın Yolları - Susan Forward & Craig BuckDönüşüm - Franz KafkaDurmadan Leyla - Aslı TohumcuPaçinko - Min Jin Lee------- Podbee Sunar ------- Bu podcast, GetirAraç hakkında reklam içerir. GetirAraç'ı indirmek ve ilk kullanımda 500 TL indirimden faydalanmak için, tıklayın. Bu podcast, Hiwell hakkında reklam içerir. Hiwell'i indirmek ve "pod10" koduyla %10 indirimden faydalanmak için tıklayın. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode is inspired by a chapter in Susan Forward's book Toxic Parents, The god like parents. Nikki explores family dynamics of shame, control, dependency, identity, differentiation from the family system, and the tasks that we can engage to grow up and out of this dysfunctional dynamic. 

Hi, I'm Beverley Joy of Simply Story Poetry. I remember years ago, as I wrote in my journal, my hand tensed as the pen scratched out the angry words 'He drives me crazy' as I burst into song and wailed along with The Fine Young Cannibals' song "She drives me crazy." I have included two poems in this episode. The first poem titled I Can't Rescue You, I wrote while I was still married to a Crazymaker. The second poem The Stranger Within Her, I wrote soon after I left 10 years of marriage. But how do you set boundaries around a Crazymaker? "What is a Crazymaker?" "Who is a CrazyMaker?" Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist's Way describes them as people who: Expect special treatment. Discount you. Offhand. Spend your time and money. Blame you for everything that goes wrong. Create drama in their life and then expect you to fix it for them. Hate keeping to a schedule, except for their own. Hate order and fill your life with disorder. Fill your head with their thoughts so there is no room for your own. Deny that they are Crazymaker and the list goes on... I am now very careful to not get involved with this type of person. But if you are married to one, or working for one, or have a close family member or friend that is one, how do you pursue your personal goals with them in your life? I am not qualified to answer that question. I believe it takes a team around you of supportive people including a professional who can work with you to set personal boundaries. I went to talk to a psychologist with a plan of action in hand. I also built relationships with supportive people. At first, I had to be brutally honest with them and humbly explain my situation, which was embarrassing, but necessary. I also re-read the book Men Who Hate Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward. I also read Working With Monsters by Dr John Clarke How to identify and protect yourself from the workplace psychopath. It is not only women who have to live or work with a Crazymaker. I know men who are in the same predicament. All I can say is GET PROFESSIONAL HELP for yourself, so you can stop enabling the crazymaker and stop dancing to a Crazymaker's tune and hopefully, the Crazymaker will accept help as well. Even if you have a tough emotional journey ahead of you to fulfil your goal, just as I did and many others, I hope that one day you will be able to look back over your unique journey in the same way we look back over any physical journey that we take. Some are flat and easy, some have hills to climb of which some are easy, some are challenging. We know the ones that we need an experienced guide to lead us all the way to the top of the mountain or advise us to abandon the journey. Remember, you are not alone. Take care of yourself.  You can listen to my poems at Simply Story Poetry on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, LinkedIn and at simplystorypoetry.com Thank you for stopping by to listen to my poem. Beverley Joy --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/simply-story-poetry/message

In this episode, we talk about what it looks like to go on a healing journey towards self-love.  Kiesha is joined by a dear friend who has made her life's work about helping others understand and get to “the work.” Her name is Tira Feierstein, and she is a writer, artist and spiritual thought leader who is passionate about helping other woman feel less alone on their journey. Through her artful expression and storytelling, it is her mission to help illuminate a path of authenticity and healing for feminine empowerment. Her work focuses on women, but fellas, rest assured that this episode has lots of goodness for you too.  In this interview, Tira takes us through her insight about the important steps in a self-love journey with some of her personal reflections along the way.Find Tira Online:Tira on Instagram @her_story_projectShop book recommendations from this episode:All about Love: New Visions a book by Bell Hooks (bookshop.org)Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life a book by Susan Forward (bookshop.org)Clarity & Connection a book by Yung Pueblo (bookshop.org)You can check out more recommendations in the YOU Better BookshopBook Kiesha at https://kieshagarrison.coDirectly support the podcast financially:Cash AppVenmoPayPal.Me 

in episode 02 of season 02, Nicole, Carly, and Jazzlyn discuss familial toxicity. Trigger warning: an episode as chaotic as its subject matter. Rate, subscribe, follow the podcast on instagram @thesourandsaltyProduced + edited by Nicole Zollner @nicolezllnrOriginal music by Steve Vásquez Alcaraz @acarelesscalmhydrojug affiliate linkpoly&bark affiliate link + listen to the episode for the code"Letting Go of Toxic People, Even If its's a Family Member" by Corinne, The Pragmatic Parent"When Family Becomes Toxic" by Crystal Raypool and medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD“Is Your Family Toxic?” By Samantha Vicenty (Oprah Daily)“30 Signs You Have A Toxic Family Member On Your Hands” by Madeline Howard (Women's Health)“Toxic Family Dynamics: The Signs and How To Cope With Them” by Darby Faubion“Toxic family: 11 signs of family dysfunction and what to do next” by Genefe Pavilion“Mother's Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters” by Susan Forward, PhD“It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn

چگونه بر رفتارهای آزاردهنده والدین خود غلبه کرده و زندگی خود را از آنها پس بگیریم؟! خلاصه کتاب والدین سمی | Toxic Parents نویسنده: سوزان فوروارد | Susan Forward انتشارات ‌لیوسا | ترجمه مینا فتحی گوینده و متن: مهدی بهمنی تدوین: رضا بهمنی"حمایت از پادکست کتاب جیبی"

Hijackals are good at emotional blackmail. They are experts at the "Gotcha!" And, they constantly use it to their advantage. Learn more about the components of that blackmail and how to counteract them. Then, Hijackals fail to succeed at using it against you effectively!Learn what you can do to respond in empowering ways when narcissistic, borderline, or anti-social folks try to control you using emotional blackmail. This episode will help you understand how that emotional blackmail shows up, what its desired result is, and how to say no to it.Healthier people aren't looking to control you. They care what you want, think, feel, and need. Hijackals don't. So, you need strategies for working within yourself and with the Hijackal to stop the emotional blackmail.Emotional blackmail according to Dr. Susan Forward: "when people close to us threaten, directly or indirectly punish us, when we don't do what they want." Does that sound familiar? You can stop it. Listen in.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:The connection between blackmail and emotional blackmailDr. Susan Forward's book, Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate YouHow a pattern of emotional blackmail is established and maintainedBetter strategies than compliance when a narcissistic person uses emotional blackmailResponding to emotional blackmail purposefully to emerge empoweredWant strategies and support to withstand emotional blackmail. I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community #narcissistblackmail #narcissisticblackmail #hijackalemotionalblackmail #emotionalblackmail #endingemotionalblackmail #nomoreemotionalblackmail#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempoweredSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

New Book City. Population: Us. This week Erica and Molly dive into "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" by Susan Forward, Ph.D and Donna Frazier. The two talk about the times they've experienced emotional blackmail in their relationships (in both small and big ways), what constitutes emotional blackmail, the role victims play in this game of emotional rollercoasters, and much more. 20% off your order at Sunset Lake CBD with PROMO CODE: SGS20 at SunsetLakeCBD.com Get extra exclusive episodes & discounts by joining the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Shootersgottashoot Check out our new blog posting every Sunday! **LEAVE US A RATING AND REVIEW ON APPLE PODCASTS** Follow us on Instagram Erica Spera: instagram.com/spericaa // Molly DeMellier: instagram.com/theguaca_molly Email us your questions & DM stories at: shootersgottashootpod@gmail.com or DM us: instagram.com/shootersgottashootpod If you'd like to join Erica's NYC based Herpes Support group: https://www.meetup.com/NYC-Herpes-Support-Meetup/ or email: herpesgroupnyc@gmail.com www.shootersgottashoot.com --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shootersgottashoot/support

This book teaches us that emotional blackmail is when someone coercively makes demands that go against someone else's will. Moreover, emotional blackmail is often carried out by the people closest to you, such as family members and partners, because they are the ones who are most aware of your weaknesses, and can more easily exert control over you. They tend to use your fear, obligation, and guilt to exert control over you.

دردناک‌ترین جای باج گیری وقتی است که می‌فهمید این پدر، مادر، همسر، فرزندان و دوستان صمیمی‌تان هستند که از شما سوءاستفاده می‌کنند، تا خودشان به چیزی که برای‌شان خوشایندتر است برسند. کتاب باج گیری عاطفی: وقتی اطرافیان از ترس، تعهد و احساس گناه برای استثمار شما استفاده می کنند. Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You نویسنده: سوزان فوروارد | Susan Forward گوینده و متن: مهدی بهمنی تدوین: رضا بهمنی موسیقی متن: Benjamin Tissot - Zen Man

"Ti kértétek, mi mondjuk!" Ezen a vezérvonalon haladunk a Pszichoforyou Lélekerősítő Podcast 3. évadában, amiben olyan témákról beszélgetünk, amelyeket ti javasoltatok. A legújabb epizódunk egy, sajnos sokakat érintő és foglalkoztató, de egyértelműen nehéz témát jár körbe. Hogyan kezeljük a mérgező kapcsolatainkat? Susan Forward, a Mérgező szülők című alapmű szerzője fogalmaz úgy, hogy "Sokszor hatalmas, gigantikus méretű érzelmi vakfoltjaink vannak a témával kapcsolatban." Honnan ismerhetjük fel, hogy mérgező ember van a környezetünkben, vagy egy mérgező kapcsolat részesei vagyunk? Melyek azok az érzések, amelyek piros zászlóként figyelmeztetnek minket az érintettségünkre? Sokan a kapcsolatok alatt rögtön a párkapcsolatra asszociálnak, de ahogyan arra Susan Forward is rávilágít, mérgező viszonyaink gyökerei sokszor szülői, nagyszülői, sőt transzgenerációs viszonylatban keresendőek. Ha úgy érezzük csak adunk és adunk, de a másik félnek sosem elegendő, sose vagyunk "elég jók", folyamatos bizonytalanságban és bizalmatlanságban éljük a mindennapokat, akkor érdemes egyet hátralépnünk, és külső szemlélőként rátekinti a kapcsolatra. Legfrissebb adásunkban sok, a fentihez hasonló, elgondolkodtató kérdés is felmerült, emellett a témával kapcsolatos szakirodalmat is igyekeztünk összeszedni. Ha bővebben is érdekel a téma, hallgassatok ránk! Készítette: Herendi Kata és Szabó Eszter Judit Utómunka: Tóth Zsófia Az adásban említett könyvek, cikkek, podcastok: - Susan Forward: Mérgező szülők - Érzelmekről szóló podcast-adásunk: https://pszichoforyou.hu/tudunk-e-valtoztatni-az-erzeseinken-pszichoforyou-podcast-ii-15/ - Brunner Zsanett Anna cikke: „Fájhat az, ami volt, és az is, ami soha nem volt” – Miért olyan nehéz lezárni egy mérgező kapcsolatot?: https://pszichoforyou.hu/mergezo-kapcsolat-lezarasa/

When does manipulation become Blackmail? Today we discuss the book Emotional Blackmail by Dr Susan Forward and dig into setting boundaries and manipulation.  Follow us on Instagram @oursagecommunity and @thesageadvicepodcast. Don't forget to visit the SAGE website sage.community for workshops, meditations, mentorships and more.

In this episode of Live Your Dreams Awake, I have the pleasure to have as my guest a woman who I feel I have many similarities in our journeys. Natasha Gray is a Success Mastery Coach and she will share her personal experience in her struggle to maintain a long-term loving relationship, which she attributes to her childhood trauma. In our conversation, we talked about her entrepreneurial journey, self-love, trauma, and how she healed herself. Listen and take home great inspiration to accept that there’s a need for healing whatever wounds you have had from the past. Enjoy listening! Also, I am inviting you all to join my Masterclass Series where you can get to join my live Q&A sessions. I have prepared incredible bonus training and you get access to my brand new videos. These will help on how to activate your home to call more abundance and prosperity in your life. These training sessions are also available in my Powerhouse Pop-Up group, if you are not part of this group yet, JOIN NOW! REMEMBER - “Self-love is being able to put your needs first, whatever that is." Would you like to add some more prosperity into your life? I would recommend enhancing your home with two different types of plants. One is called a lucky bamboo plant and the Jade plant is also known as the money plant. To attract more money and prosperity into your life, focus on bringing upward growing plants like the lucky bamboo plant and the Jade plant into your home and we'll see you have more prosperity in your life. WHAT WE COVER DURING THIS EPISODE: Natasha’s entrepreneurial journey from her food business to a coaching business. How was the transition from a product base to a service-based business? How was Natasha able to evolve and heal her trauma about love? What is Self Love? (...The four key areas in understanding what self-love really is?) Natasha’s advice for people who are struggling with self-love? What people need to understand about trauma? LINKS & RESOURCES: Masterclass Series   Book that Natasha recommends: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward and Craig Buck   CONNECT WITH NATASHA BRAY: Website Facebook   QUOTES: "There is so much freedom with an online business and you're just not tied to having to be in a certain place." - Natasha Bray "I truly believe I wouldn't be where I am now, if that's not where I started learning about marketing and how to sell things, because I have no business experience prior to that." - Natasha Bray "When you heal yourself, it ripples into every area of my life." - Natasha Bray "It's okay to put your needs first, whatever that is; it's okay to say no to things that don't feel right to you, to honor yourself in that." - Natasha Bray "It's not necessarily the event that happened to you, it's the feeling you had at that time, that creates the imprint in the body that affects you." - Natasha Bray

In this reflection, I finally reveal my deepest wounds and do so through the context of two frameworks: systems theory and "Mothers Who Can't Love" (a book published by Dr. Susan Forward). As anticipated, this episode is my longest to date (90 minutes in length) and is emotional (in the style of an INTJ of course). Listen with care. Please visit my website for more information on the two frameworks discussed: www.yournidom.wordpress.com. Note: The real value of this reflection begins somewhere around Minute 43 (there is insignificant chatter--due to discomfort- before then).

Emotional blackmail is the dynamic that most frequently occurs to make you let things slide when you really shouldn’t. Even if there don’t appear to be forms of emotional blackmail (if you don’t do X, you will cause Y), the elements of FOG—fear, obligation, and guilt—will make you avoid speaking up. Sometimes it’s not all in your head, and the people around you are enabling your worst tendencies. Questions or comments regarding the podcast? Email the show at KingPodcast@NewtonMG.com or let us know what you think at http://bit.ly/pkcomment Read the show notes and/or transcript at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/assertivenessking For a free minibook on conversation tactics, visit Patrick King Consulting at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg Emotional Blackmail,John Bradshaw,Patrick King,Patrick King Consulting,Social Skills Coaching,Russell Newton,NewtonMG,Susan Forward,The Art of Everyday Assertiveness, #EmotionalBlackmail #JohnBradshaw #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #SusanForward #TheArtofEverydayAssertiveness

From April 14, 1988: Oprah brings together a panel of women who have been sexually abused. The women open up about their traumatic experiences and the damage the abuse has caused. Dr. Susan Forward—lecturer and author of the No. 1 New York Times best seller, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them—shares how survivors of sexual abuse feel “dirty, damaged and different.” She also explains how survivors can begin to put back the pieces of their lives, begin to heal and move forward. (Dr. Susan Forward passed away in February 2020.)

FINDING YOUR POWER. We're so excited to have the LinkedIn Video Coach & Expert, Shay Rowbottom on our show. Shay owns a 7 figure business and started a successful video marketing agency by her mid-20s. However, her road to success was NOT easy and she opens up about the toxic relationships and childhood trauma she recently had to overcome in order to start healing.   TRIGGER WARNING: In this episode we do talk about subjects that can be triggering. We discuss childhood trauma like rape and molestation. We also talk about Shay's experience with ayahuasca, which is a plant medicine. We want to keep things real with you & provide a safe space for others to share their story, which is why we wanted to bring Shay on the show as she is a testament that you can persevere through trauma.   [4:10] Who Is Shay Rowbottom? Shay explains how her ‘trajectory' started when she wanted to become a rapper and started getting more involved in video editing and content through that. From writing her own raps to suddenly owning her own video marketing company.    [7:50] Something Missing. Shay started feeling depressed and felt like she was starting to lose herself even though her career was skyrocketing. She speaks about writing in her journal, asking God to help her feel alive again.   [9:00] Learning About LinkedIn & Finding Her Power. Shay starts learning about LinkedIn and how it started to empower her, but also feeding into her need for validation. Shay started building a community that kept her invested.   [15:05] Moving To Miami, Facing Her Victim Mentality & Learning About Plant Medicine. How a huge fight with her ex, which led to him telling Shay she was always playing the victim. This lead to Shay being open to trying ayahuasca.    [22:30] Reliving Repressed Trauma. Shay explains how through her plant medicine experience, she relived memories she had previously repressed trauma from rape in her childhood. She discusses how she started to connect the dots with a lot of struggles and paths she went down as a teenager and how it all started to make sense.   [25:00] Healing & Breaking Free from Trauma. Unpacking the trauma that shattered Shay's life. She discusses how she went all in on healing to deal with the repressed trauma she was facing. Realizing how her toxic relationships in her life tied back to her childhood trauma.   [36:13] Narcissistic Parenting. Shay discusses the prevalence of narcissistic parenting and her own experience with her own childhood and family.   [39:05] Cutting Out Toxic Family & Friends. Shay talks about how at first she kept trying to make her relationship work with her family and how she would always try again to make their relationships work before she realized it wasn't what was best for her. She also recognizes how she probably had a part to play in her disconnect with her sisters.   [46:55] “In order to heal you have to get honest”   [48:30] Breaking the Cycle & Step into Your Power.  We discuss breaking through trauma and realizing negative patterns in our lives. It's TIME to BREAK the cycle. The three of us chat about healing and recognizing how repressed trauma can affect so many aspects of our lives.   [59:57] Helping Others Heal & Break Free. Shay talks about her trauma and flaws have drawn business people to her course who, while initially interested in marketing, end up really wanting someone to help them heal and become more authentic.   [1:05:00] What Was Shay's Be You Not Them Moment? The question we ask all our guests on the Be You Not Them podcast.   Wow. What an interview! We hope that Shay's story resonated with you. We discussed a lot. From childhood trauma to plant medicine to finding your power… but we're thankful Shay was able to be so raw with us.   You know where to reach us guys. We would love to know your feedback and thoughts on today's interview.   You Can Find Shay at: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shayrowbottom/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shayrowbottom/  Her website: https://www.shayrowbottom.com  You can listen to Shay's Podcast, The Shay Rowbottom on Apple Podcasts or Spotify    Books/Resources mentioned: “Mothers Who Can't Love” by Susan Forward, Ph. D.   BYNT:  Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast Connect with us on Facebook   Sending you all love

本集主題：「為什麼他說謊，卻毫無罪惡感」新書介紹 專訪編輯：丁慧瑋 內容簡介： 所有的恐怖情人，都是從說謊開始。 他絲毫不會良心不安，對於說謊毫無羞恥心與罪惡感。 他的笑有致命吸引力，他的無辜卸去妳心防， 他說「只愛妳一個」，讓妳甘願付出愛情、青春， 甚至妳的錢，直到發現妳只是被利用的工具…… 「我這輩子再也不敢相信愛情了。」 那個說謊的人，妳怎能讓他輕易毀掉妳？！ 【本書正是：他的剋星，妳的救星】 「妳是貝蒂吧？我想有件事該讓妳知道： 過去這兩年來，我和妳先生交往密切。 他根本就不愛妳。妳何不放手讓他走？」 或許妳也像許多女人一樣認為：「這種事不可能發生在我身上。」但就是發生了。 劈腿，騙財，賭博、酗酒、毒癮，那些他極少提起的過去、推託不談的未來與不真實的現在，以及妳曾聽女性朋友們傷心又憤怒哭訴的種種…… 被愛人所騙，往往是女人一生的最痛。妳認真掏心，他卻報以一個再一個的謊言。「他說是為了愛！」是愛，為了愛自己，他一次又一次利用了妳。 但我們往往選擇繼續相信，因為真相更令人崩潰。 然而，心理專家蘇珊．佛沃告訴所有的女性同胞： 「我要懇請妳深入剖析自己，勇敢面對真相，弄清楚到底發生了什麼事，或者在那一段戀情中很有可能會發生什麼事。無論多麼傷感情，真相永遠是妳最可靠的盟友。」 透過生動、豐富的真實個案故事，提供力道十足的專業分析，蘇珊．佛沃犀利直言，教我們從洞察男人心開始，戳破常見的謊言及藉口，並看清害我們自己騙自己的思考陷阱。更重要的是，她以溫柔但堅實的步伐，陪妳療癒心傷，重生自信去愛。 也許妳會再遇到企圖騙妳的男人，但妳不會再任他擺布，因為學會對人生和愛情敞開心房的妳已懂得，在真正的親密關係中，妳值得最真實的尊重。 本書特色： ◎【男人誘騙女人的九種技倆】(1)死不承認 (2)攻擊是最好的防禦 (3)撒嬌賣乖 (4)作賊的喊捉賊 (5)編故事【初級班】 (6)編故事【高級班】 (7)「我不是個好東西！」 (8)「沒什麼大不了的。」 (9)「沒錯，我做了那件事，但其實是妳的錯！」 ◎【女人的六大自欺陷阱】(1)「他不會對我說謊。」 (2)「他可能會對其他女人說謊，但絕不會騙我。」 (3)「沒錯，他是說謊，但他愛我，這才重要。」 (4)「沒錯，他是說謊，但也是環境造成的。」 (5)「沒錯，他是說謊，但我能讓他變好。」 (6)「沒錯，他是說謊，但全是我的錯。」 作者簡介：【美國版《情緒勒索》作者】蘇珊．佛沃（Susan Forward, PhD） 國際知名的諮商師、講師及作家，心理治療執業經驗超過四十年，在美國南加州的心理衛生及醫療機構擔任諮商師、講師及顧問。 她率先提出了「情緒勒索」概念，著作《情緒勒索》熱銷全球二十年。並以《母愛創傷──走出無愛的陰影，給受傷女兒的人生修復書》，陪伴且成功地引導讀者修復受「無愛母親」所苦的心靈和生命，重獲愛的自信與自尊。 另著有多部心理經典，《愛上Ｍ型男人》、《父母會傷人》均為《紐約時報》排行榜的暢銷書，以及《跳痛的愛》等書。 除了臨床治療及寫作，她還透過大眾媒體分享珍貴的專業經驗，曾上過三百多個電視及廣播節目，並曾於美國廣播公司主持全國同步聯播的談話節目，長達六年。

本集主題：「母愛創傷」新書介紹 專訪編輯：丁慧瑋 本書特色： ◎認清「無愛母親」的五種典型：嚴重自戀的母親；過度糾纏的母親；控制狂母親；需要母愛的母親；忽視、背叛或打擊孩子的母親。 ◎蘇珊．佛沃博士向來擅長說出人們難以面對的真相，以及大家在「完美伴侶」與「快樂家庭」表象背後對待彼此的真實樣貌。隨著愈來愈多女兒帶著母親留下的傷口前來求助，以及自己在母親過世後，對於這段母女關係所走過的療傷經歷，她決定陪伴因母親沒有愛人能力而受傷的女兒們，辨識母愛創傷，進而療癒母愛創傷，修復母女關係，細細撫平那深觸靈魂的傷。 ◎妳深深受了傷，但妳可以幫自己療傷：這個量表有助於釐清長久以來，「母女關係」對妳造成的影響。 妳是否： •不確定母親愛不愛妳，並且在想到她可能不愛妳時，感到一陣羞愧？ •感覺必須為所有人的幸福負責，卻獨漏自己？ •相信母親的需求、欲望和對妳的期待，比妳自己的想法重要？ •相信必須努力才能得到愛？ •相信無論妳怎麼做，母親都會覺得不夠？ •相信妳必須保護母親，即便清楚她的所作所為正在傷害妳？ •只要不配合他人就會有罪惡感，覺得自己是壞人，尤其面對母親時特別嚴重？ •不願跟母親分享生活細節與感受，因為知道她會拿來對付妳？ •感覺自己不停在追求他人的認可？ •無論有了多少成就，仍常感覺害怕、內疚、渺小？ •懷疑自己有什麼毛病，並怕因此永遠找不到愛妳的另一半？ •不敢生小孩（前提是想生小孩），因為怕他們「會變得跟我一樣一團糟」？ 這些都是無愛母親留下的傷，根源通常可追溯至妳的童年。但即便發現每個問題的答案都是肯定的，都請不要認定自己「完了」或「注定毀了」。藉由本書協助，妳可以立刻做出許多實際改變，改善人生。 作者介紹：蘇珊．佛沃（Susan Forward, PhD） 國際知名的諮商師、講師及作家，心理治療執業經驗超過四十年，在美國南加州的心理衛生及醫療機構擔任諮商師、講師及顧問。 她率先提出了「情緒勒索」概念，其著作《情緒勒索》熱銷全球二十年。 另著有多部心理經典，《愛上Ｍ型男人》、《父母會傷人》均為《紐約時報》排行榜的暢銷書，以及《跳痛的愛》等書。 除了臨床治療及寫作，她還透過大眾媒體分享珍貴的專業經驗，曾上過三百多個電視及廣播節目，並曾於美國廣播公司主持全國同步聯播的談話節目，長達六年。

En nombre del famoso dicho "la ropa sucia se lava en casa", o en nombre de "la prudencia", "el amor", "la dignidad", o peor "la gente como nosotros no habla de eso", se nos invita a callar y a ser cómplices de muchos secretos de familia con los que instintivamente no estamos de acuerdo. Libros recomendados: Padres que odian (Toxic Parents), Susan Forward. Secretos de familia, John Bradshaw. Una educación (Educated), Tara Westover.

Femme fatale and fashioner designer Miss O Kissed first came to our attention when she shared with us all about the wonderful world of burlesque. Now she joins Vi and Christy to share another part of her identity- her asexuality. What’s it like navigating the world of fetish wear and burlesque as an ace? That question, your calls and a whole lot more on this week’s Secular Sexuality. ► Find more links or dive deeper into the show at https://www.vcatx.com/media/missokissed► Learn more about this self-professed pint sized pervert at https://www.missokissed.com/ ►Find your community at AVEN https://www.asexuality.org/ ►Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward (https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972)► Secular Sexuality 06.02 with Megan Bonner, Christy Powell, & Black Widow Burlesque•Streamed live on Jan 10, 2019 https://youtu.be/DEk8w0q1lRw

Femme fatale and fashioner designer Miss O Kissed first came to our attention when she shared with us all about the wonderful world of burlesque. Now she joins Vi and Christy to share another part of her identity- her asexuality. What’s it like navigating the world of fetish wear and burlesque as an ace? That question, your calls and a whole lot more on this week’s Secular Sexuality. ► Find more links or dive deeper into the show at https://www.vcatx.com/media/missokissed► Learn more about this self-professed pint sized pervert at https://www.missokissed.com/ ►Find your community at AVEN https://www.asexuality.org/ ►Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward (https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972)► Secular Sexuality 06.02 with Megan Bonner, Christy Powell, & Black Widow Burlesque•Streamed live on Jan 10, 2019 https://youtu.be/DEk8w0q1lRw

Hoy Yvonne Laborda da respuesta a una pregunta de un miembro de su equipo, Isa: ¿Qué conocimientos te llevas tras tus conversaciones con Susan Forward. Susan Forwar es autora de muchos libros, el que Yvonne nos recomienda es “Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters” Es una escritora muy potente, su especialidad es la relación con mamá. Susan explica que no pudo escribir el libro hasta que su madre falleció Cuando Yvonne saco al publico uno de sus Cursos On Line, LA HIJA QUE FUI LA MADRE QUE SOY, quiso estudiar y profundizar en toda la obra de Susan Forward, de modo que le escribió y tuvieron varios encuentros De profesional a profesional compartieron muchas cosas. Las dos más importantes para Yvonne fueron estas: 1. Un ejercicio que consistió en escribir una carta a mamá y que Susan autorizó a Yvonne a que copartiera con sus alumnas. Este ejercicio consta de 4 partes. • Mamá, esto es lo que me hiciste • Así es como me afectó mamá • Y así es como me sigue afectando hoy • Mamá esto es lo que quiero de ti hoy En el podcast Yvonne nos explica con detalle como hacerlo 2. Empoderamiento. En el podcast también nos explica de manera íntima y personal la manera. Susan Forward le confirmó que la relación con mamá es el pilar, la base, la estructura de todo. Deseamos que este podcast os inspire RECURSOS PARA EMPODERARTE, INSPIRARTE Y TRANSFORMARTE • “Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters” autora Susan Forward: • “Dar Voz al Niño: Ser los Padres que Nuestros Hijos Necesitan” autora Yvonne Laborda • PRÓXIMOS DIRECTOS en las Redes Sociales de Yvonne Laborda: - Día 20 de abril: RELACIÓN CON MAMÁ: 4 claves para cuando necesitamos poner distancia. - Día 22 de abril: NUEVAS TECNOLOGÍAS: 4 claves para acompañar su uso. - Día 24 de abril: NUESTRAS NECESIDADES versus SUS NECESIDADES: 4 claves para tenerlas todas en cuenta. • Te recordamos que estos días y hasta el 30 de Abril, Yvonne Laborda está ofreciendo un precio promocional para su formación CCEE, su curso SHP, su curso HM y sus talleres de GE. Si quieres aprovechar para formarte con ella o para trabajar algún aspecto, mira la información aquí: https://yvonnelaborda.com/ Te invitamos a dejar tus comentarios SOBRE YVONNE LABORDA: Yvonne Laborda es madre, esposa, terapeuta humanista-holistica, mentora y autora del libro «Dar Voz al Niño». Ha creado el curso online de indagación personal más potente y transformador de habla hispana: Sanar la Herida Primaria de nuestra infancia (SHP) y ofrece también la Formación Profesional Certificada online en Crianza Consciente y Educación Emocional (CCEE) más completa del mercado actual. También he creado el curso más revelador y revolucionario sobre cómo superar y comprender la influencia y la importancia de la relación con nuestra propia madre: La Hija Que Fui, La Madre Que Soy. Imparte conferencias, charlas y talleres súper inspiradores, motivacionales y muy transformadores sobre Crianza Consciente, Educación Emocional, Aprendizaje No Dirigido, Sanar al Niño Interior, Comunicación Emocional, Empática y Conectiva, Gestión de las Emociones y Crecimiento Personal en general. Su trabajo se centra en qué nos imposibilita llegar a ser quienes realmente vinimos a ser para poder convertirnos en el padre o madre que nuestros hijos necesitan que seamos.

moving FORWARD. Pun intended. This episode is dedicated to Susan Forward, best selling author of “Toxic Parents”. This book was life changing for me and a wonderful resource for me to draw from on my healing journey. I hope you will consider buying her book after listening.  Link to buy Susan Forward's best-seller https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407We are fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

Welcome to episode fourteen where we get into what manipulation and control look like, their destructiveness in relationships, and how they relate to healthy boundary setting.  I believe manipulation is one of the most toxic behaviors in a relationship because you cannot feel emotionally safe or have trust when there is manipulation.  It is dishonest and often invisible at first, so it can be so crazy-making and greatly impact your sense of self! It is not safe to be open and vulnerable and usually leads to tons of conflict and often an end to a relationship.  We also identify other forms of control that also can thwart connection.  If you sense there is manipulation in your relationship, this is a great episode to help you identify it.    Key Elements ·       Identify what emotional manipulation is and why it’s so toxic ·       Look at fear-based control and where it comes from ·       Contrast these with detaching and risking setting healthy limits to be more loving   I cannot simultaneously set a boundary with you and take care of your feelings. - Melody Beattie   Resources Codependent No More by Melody Beattie The Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker Emotional Blackmail by Dr. Susan Forward   Thanks for Listening!  

Diane and Denise talk about toxic people. Women Beyond a Certain Age, a weekly podcast by Denise Vivaldo and Diane Worthington, wherein they bring their own lively, humorous, and experienced viewpoints to the topics they discuss. The podcast covers wide-ranging subjects of importance to older women.  Check out Susan Forward's books: https://www.amazon.com/Susan-Forward/e/B000AQ1NCI?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2&qid=1563923011&sr=8-2 Visit the Science of People website and read their article on The 7 Types of Toxic Peoplehttps://www.scienceofpeople.com/toxic-people/ Join the Women Beyond A Certain Age Group on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/groups/WomenBeyond And like our page:https://www.facebook.com/WomenBeyond/ Please subscribe and give us a nice review! Or even better—5 stars! Reach out to us on our Facebook Group or Facebook Page. Email us your comments, stories, questions or ideas for what you’d like to hear on future podcasts to WomenBeyond@icloud.com. We are on Instagram @womenbeyhondacertainage. We so look forward to spending time with you! Diane is an expert on California and American cuisine. She is the author of over 20 cookbooks and has twice won the James Beard Award. She is a nationally syndicated food columnist and an award-winning radio show host. You can find out more about her at: https://seriouslysimplefood.com Her books are on Amazon at: https://www.amazon.com/Diane-Rossen-Worthington/e/B000APOMUE/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1546204440&sr=8-1  Denise is an award-winning food stylist and author of The Food Stylist's Handbook as well as 8 other books. She speaks and teaches and wanders globe. She also blogs for the Huffington Post. You can find out more about her at: https://denisevivaldo.com Her books are on Amazon at: https://www.amazon.com/Denise-Vivaldo/e/B001K8QNRA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1546204547&sr=1-1  Podcast credits: Cindie Flannigan does everything technical and internet-related. You can find out more about her at: https://denisevivaldogroup.com/team/ or https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindie-flannigan-27a29a133/    

Well we had a unicorn on the podcast today! Melanie Well’s is a fiddle player, best selling author, entreprenuer, last ditch marital therapist, nonprofit founder, and BOUNDARY expert. Boundaries… One of those words thrown around these days that has lost it’s meaning. Mel breaks down what a boundary is, who we should have boundaries with, and most importantly how it looks in real life. She explains why its necessary to your relationships and wellbeing to practice and maintain boundary setting. Boundaries are a since of identity, ownership, responsibility, and control without them we are just letting life happen to us. She talks what gets in the way of boundaries… guilt and how to move right through it. Not my pasture, not my pig as she would say. If you are feeling… tired, anxious, responsible, guilty, lonely, and angry in relationships If you are doing… fixing, protecting, rescuing, controlling, carrying others feelings, and not listening If you are concerned with… the solution, certainty, being right, and details in your relationships If you feel a lack of control in your life… If you are human… If any of these things resonate you might like this episode 
Boundary Mantra: Choose discomfort over resentment.-Brene Brown Resources: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend 
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward

Narcissism is: Clinically speaking, narcissitic personality disorder is defined as: a sense of grandiosity (put themselves in a god-like category), sense of entitlement, want to control everything and everyone around them. Their relationships are short term, like a roller coaster. The people they keep around them are ones they can use. They won't be intimate or vulnerable. They lie. They are obsessed with being brilliant, successful, or beautiful. Will only associate with people who are the best. Can be a delusional component; they believe people are jealous of them. They also can feel an intense amount of jealousy, insecurity, or envy. Pop-culture defines a narcissist as: someone who has a lack of empathy, puts their feelings above everyone else's, they feel very entitled, and are very manipulative. Gaslighting. The relationship becomes very parasitic. Dr. Natalie Jones specialises in counseling women of color with narcissistic mothers. She identifies what narcissism means, how to detect if that's what we lived (or live) with, and how to break the cycle. BIO: Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD., LPCC is an Licensed professional clinical counselor and a post doctoral psychologist. She currently has a private practice called Lifetime Counseling and Consulting in Oakland, CA where she specializes in working with women who have been in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships with narcissists, as well as with individuals who were previously incarcerated for various crimes. Dr. Jones also works for the California Dept of Corrections and specializes in providing individual/group counseling and assessments to prison inmates who have committed various offenses, with a specialization in working with sex offenders. Dr. Jones also has a podcast called A Date With Darkness Podcast, which specializes in providing education and tips from healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Jones received her masters in clinical counseling psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL, and her doctorate in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, CA. Dr. Jones has also written blogs for the Mind Journal and PsychCentral. A few things we talked about: Just like animals who have parasites become sickly, so do we when we have a parasidic narcissist attached to us. There are women who are in abusive relationships lose part of themselves and may become physically sick. Go to 30:17-31:01 to listen to this part People who have been raised by a narcissistist have a greater liklihood of being in a relationship with a narcissist. People who are in a relationship with a narcissist may find comfort in that relationship because there's comfort in what we know. They might not want to change. If the person is a true narcisstic person, you can limit contact or make the coversation superficial. Or limiting talking to once or twice a year at holidays when you can walk away. Know that the narcissist will not change unless they want to, which rarely happens. Do not expect them to change. They feel like they don't have the problem. When narcissists go to treatment, it's usually to prove how you're the problem and they're so wonderful. You can't typically have a superficial relationship with a relationship partner. They need everything focused on them. Don't stay in this relationship for your kids. If the person is treating you like garbage, that's abuse, and your kids are seeing you be abused. Even if they're "nice" parents, if they treat you like dirt that isn't good parenting. If someone is abusing you, there's a chance they're abusing your kids and you don't know it. Narcissism indicators: You have to do a lot of work just to have a relationship with the narcissistic person. (Much more than a normal relationship.) You have to mentally prepare yourself to go "into a war-zone" when you're going to deal with them. You feel like you can't have a healthy conversation with the person. You have to hide part of your life from them because they use information to attack you, use it against you in a moment of weakness, or they'll try to hold it over you later. If you notice those things, ask yourself why. Many people think they have to respect their parents, but don't know exactly what their definition of what respect is. Often, the word respect is misused. Do they respect you, or hold you emotionally hostage? Do they try to control you to be a certain way so they can get what they want, but you don't get what you want from the relationship. We feel like we don't know them. We know how they act, or their behaviors, but we don't know the intimacies and intracasies of their life. Is it healthy to break the tie with a narcisstic person? "Yes, it might even be necessary or life-saving to break that tie." You're in a relationship with two people: you're in a relationship with the actual parent, and they're also in a relationship with the fantasy or idea of what their parent should be, or what they hope one day they can be." It's important to reconcile reality from fantasy. Chances are they are not going to change.   More facts about narcissism according to Dr. Jones: 99.9% of the time, people that were raised by abusive parents, and have children of their own, have the abuse manifest in some way with their own children. The number one indicator is that typically what happens when moms lash out with their own children, is that they have guilt. "I'm acting like the person I never wanted to be." Pay attention to guilt. If you notice it coming up, go to a therapist, or to the bookstore and get a book about this. If the people who know and care about you notice a problem with your own parenting, listen. Don't be defensive. Biggest telltale sign is your kids. If you're manifesting behaviors towards, your kids, there will be a reminder of the past. They might feel like they can't come to you or talk to you. They might even be afraid or intimitated by you. BOOKS to help you learn more: "Narcisstic Families, Assessment and Treatment" "Narcisstic Mothers" Dr. Susan Forward, "Toxic Families" Anything by H.G. Tudor - books and videos on YouTube Kim Saeed has videos on YouTube about narcissism Anything by Lundy Vancroft Anything by Susan Anderson     ------------------- Dr. Natalie Jones' advice to women whose parent is a narcissistic: Find a surrogate parent, or parent-like figure who can fulfill healthier roles for you. The idea of what you thought your parent some day could be. Dr. Natalie Jones' advice to a mom in a relationship with a narcissist: Think about what this means for you and what you want to do about it. Do you want it to stop, or do you want to just have an awareness of what's happening? Research on the internet and bounce ideas off friends. If you're questioning some things, write them down, and think about it more. Get a therapist you can talk to regularly who specializes in working with these kinds of situations. Be safe. You might not want your partner to see what you're reading, or your notes so they can't access it. Be selective about who you share information with so they don't share the information with the narcisstic person. Dr. Natilie Jones' Superpower: She is a human lie detector. She can tell if someone is lying or conning within seconds.   If you need help in the U.S. - The Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S. is: 1−800−799−7233 If you are needing help with rent, utilites, and more, you can call the United Way at 2-1-1.   You can find Dr. Natalie Jones Contact: https://www.drnataliejones.com https://www.adatewithdarkness.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.nataliejones/ Instagram2: https://www.instagram.com/adatewithdarknesspodcast/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drnataliejones/ Facebook 2: https://www.facebook.com/adatewithdarkness/ Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/196036654267594/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/Dr_NatalieJones Twitter 2: https://twitter.com/ADateWDarkness   Thank you for joining me today!  Want more? Go to HardyMom.com and you'll find ways to live well, grow, and enjoy your life again -with any health challenges. I'd love to hear what you think about this episode! Send me a message at HardyMom.com/contact Have a blessed week, Jen

Dr. Susan Forward is FINALLY here! After 106 episodes of Coffee with the Sarlos, Karen and Kelly are thrilled to welcome the best selling author they are referring every single one of their clients to! Susan Forward is one of the nations leading psychotherapists and to date, has penned 9 self-help books, two of [...]

Dr. Susan Forward is FINALLY here! After 106 episodes of Coffee with the Sarlos, Karen and Kelly are thrilled to welcome the best selling author they are referring every single one of their clients to! Susan Forward is one of the nations leading psychotherapists and to date, has penned 9 self-help books, two of [...]

Get the transcript at www.feelgoodenglish.com/blackmail

Have you been stuck in a cycle with someone that leaves you feeling like you can never win? Where you feel like you are always giving in? Not saying what you are really feeling? If so, you may be experiencing emotional blackmail. It’s not pretty, and you can be left with the uncomfortable feeling that there’s no way out without sacrificing who you are in the process. Don’t despair - there’s hope for you! In today’s episode, we’re going to chat with the world’s foremost expert on ending the grip of emotional blackmail, Dr. Susan Forward, one of the nation’s leading psychotherapists, and a New York Times bestselling author who has spent decades helping people break out of toxic cycles and discover healthier ways of relating. What is emotional blackmail? The structure of emotional blackmail begins with a demand, followed by pressure to fulfill the request, and finally, being threatened with punishing consequences. The threat can be blatant or subtle. Subtle threats come in the form of pouting, sulking, passive aggressive comments, while blatant threats are overtly articulated consequences of ‘if ____, then ____’. FOG: Emotional blackmail, although incredibly powerful and hurtful, can become normalized by both the receiver, and the doer.  Another way to know if you may be being emotionally blackmailed is to check in on if you feel as though you are in a fog. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. These three components cause us to feel overwhelmed and make it so it is difficult to find our way out of an imbalance of power, unable to clearly see the dynamics, and make us have a tendency to comply. The Need to Please Disease- When we are vulnerable we have a tendency to rationalize unhealthy and unloving treatment in an effort to protect ourselves from further guilt and fear. We can end up giving in, no matter the price, just so that the other person is not angry with us. The lethality and toxicity of constant giving in accumulates until the person who is the target of emotional blackmail becomes depressed and angry, and internalizes this to become self-hatred. Water wearing down the rock: Constant compromise and giving in to something and someone that does not feel aligned with your own needs and desires can wear you down. Like water wearing down the boulder, you become the pebble- a smaller version of yourself. By having the courage to look at what is really happening in the dynamic, you will find opportunities for change and growth. Stand up for your own truth.  Everyone is terrified of other people’s anger and retaliation- this is a core fear that goes back into childhood for many. Despite anger being such a powerful force, there are behavioral strategies that help equalize the balance of power and help you become more assertive and self-protective. It takes courage to stand up for your own truth, however it is worth it. Honest look at ourselves. None of us are immune or exempt from being emotional blackmailers ourselves. Take time to look at your own patterns around getting others to do what you want. How do you handle when someone disagrees with you, or doesn’t want what you want? Do you plead? Coax? Get pouty? Become punitive? Do you punish through withholding things or love? Do you take their denial personally and as a threat to the relationship itself? Do you say things like “If you really loved me you would…” Or “if you really cared about us you would…” We are all guilty of some of these at times, and the question is not if, but rather to what degree and how often? Admit and Acknowledge: Do you feel like you have been emotionally blackmailing someone? Begin by labeling your behavior as such. Then, find the courage and humility to sit down and tell the person you are bullying that you are aware of your actions. Naming and sharing this goes a long way. Admitting and acknowledging is a way of fessing up and owning your actions and it creates a climate of much greater safety. With this safety healing and repair can begin. Saying sorry will not be enough however. You will have to show the person you have hurt that you are ready to own your actions through behavioral changes over time. And elicit their help! Ask the person you have hurt what they need from you to feel safer, and more trusting. Find ways together to move forward, and stay open to getting counseling! Admitting and acknowledging is a two way street! It is important to look at your own responsibility and behavior as the compliant one as well. Read through the following checklist to find out if you are a target of emotional blackmail: -       I tell myself that giving in is no big deal -       I tell myself that giving in is worth it to get other person to quiet down/calm down -       I tell myself that what I want is wrong -       I tell myself that it is not worth the hassle- I’ll give in now and take a stand later -       I tell myself that it is better to give in then to hurt their feelings -       I don’t stand up for myself -       I give away my power -       I do things to please other people and get confused about what I want -       I acquiesce -       I give up people and activities I care about to please the other person Yes to the above? Don’t wait for the other person to change. Do the above statements resonate with you? If so, it is time to look inside and find the courage to make changes yourself. Find the emotional maturity and empowered stance to stop the victim/blame cycle by realizing that you do not need to put yourself second any longer. Be willing to look to your past to see if complacency is an automatic, inherited, or learned behavior that began in your childhood. Be willing to take the reins in your own hands and set limits and boundaries. You have just as much responsibility as the blackmailer to change the dynamic, and you have just as much right as the other person to have your needs met. This can be a difficult and daunting shift in perspective for anyone who has a history of abuse as it brings up true fear and guilt around displeasing people- reach out for support when needed! Negotiating for a healthier relationship. We all have choices when a relationship goes off the track. We can accept things the way they are, we can negotiate for a healthier relationship, or worst comes to worst you can end the relationship. That said, there are strategies, communication skills, and behavioral changes that are worth trying in an effort to shift the dynamics before giving in more, or giving up.   Feeling your fear: Shifting yourself out of an emotional blackmail situation requires the willingness to tolerate the discomfort of displeasing someone, and often this can bring up fears. Many of our fears are old feelings that we mistake as coming from current events. We confuse our past with the present, and so when we get hurt we react in accordance with prior experiences. We will do nearly anything to protect ourselves from our fear of other people’s anger. Differentiating the present from the past will leave you with more confidence and many more choices for ways to react. Help yourself see that you are now an adult, no longer hopeless or dependent, and that your past does not need to dictate your experience any longer. From this knowing, ask yourself ‘what is the worst thing that can happen?’ Then believe you have the courage and resilience inside to handle this. Lastly, it comes down to allowing yourself to feel fear, and being with it. *NOTE: There are certain situations and people where the fear is very warranted. If the person emotionally blackmailing you is completely locked into their angry defensive way of being, then you must ask yourself if it is really worth it or possible to work with them. Listen to your fear in these situations as it may be protecting you from true threat. Be with your guilt: Guilt, along with fear, is often the major contributor to complacency. The fear of guilt itself is a powerful force. Realize that you can tolerate the guilt- no one died from guilt! Your dignity, self-respect, and health will all thank you for addressing this. Have a talk with your discomfort- take a close look and ask yourself the following questions: -Is what I did or want to do malicious? -Is what I did or want to do cruel? -Is what I did or want to do abusive? -Is what I did or want to do insulting? -Is what I did or want to do belittling? -Is what I did or want to do demeaning? -Is what I did or want to do truly harmful? If you answer no to these questions, then there is nothing to be guilty of. That is not to say that changing your behavior won’t be uncomfortable, but you can begin to redefine the discomfort as a sign of growth and change! Do it and the feelings will show up! Many people incorrectly assume that they need to feel stronger before they can take steps and make changes in reaction to emotional blackmail. This is not true! As you begin to shift to a new set of behaviors, the sense of empowerment will follow. Others may be shocked by your changes, and have strong reactions. Allow for this and do not take it on! It may not feel great at first, and that is OKAY. How to de-escalate the conflict: Blackmail thrives on conflict and escalation, and pushing one person lower and lower on the power structure. A natural tendency when we are emotionally attached is to get defensive, however defensiveness breeds defensiveness. If you can find non-defensive responses, the emotional blackmailer will no longer be able to attack and you WILL shift the dynamic. This requires learning to protect yourself, versus defending yourself. Doing so requires non-defensive communication skills. For example, try saying “I am sure you see it that way, and you are entitled to your feelings, however I am not willing to have this conversation now, let's talk about it when you are calmer…” Other non-defensive communications that can shift the other person’s resistance and defensiveness sound like: “Can we talk about why this is so important to you?” “Will you help me understand?” “It is not acceptable for you to continually make me feel guilty and scared- how can we work together to find a way to get your needs met in a way that doesn’t compromise mine?” “I feel as though you are pushing me and our relationship to the edge of a cliff and I don’t know if you are taking me seriously when I say I am not happy. I want to find ways together to solve our problems and conflicts in a way that doesn’t leave one of us feeling emotionally battered- can we talk about this?” “I am not willing to live this way any more, I need to be treated with respect and caring and want to find ways to make us both feel safer and more loved” “You could be right, however I am feeling…” Stop! And take a breath. Next time you are asked to do something you are not okay with, first thing to do is to STOP. Take a breath. This immediately pulls you out of your habitual pattern and away from the automatic reaction. Instead of saying yes, or no, say “I am not able to make this decision right now, I need to think about this. I’ll get back to you- but I need some time to figure out how I am really feeling about this”. This stance will allow you to calm down, garner your strength, and have the time necessary to connect with yourself beyond the fear and guilt. A healthy decision is made when we are able to balance and check in with both our intellect and our emotions- this takes time. Putting things back on your own timeline will make for your ability to be in your integrity and this will inevitably shift the power structure! Resources Find out more about Susan Forward's work at her website Email Susan at susanforward6@aol.com  if you are interested in phone consultations- she responds to each email personally! www.neilsattin.com/blackmail Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Susan Forward! Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out

 We will be continuing our exploration of the book, Toxic Parents:Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life.

We will be discussing the book by Susan Forward, Ph.D, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life.