Podcasts about love you want a guide

Effective communication is the foundation of every strong relationship, yet so many of us struggle to truly be heard and understood. Renowned relationship experts and authors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt return to share their groundbreaking insights on how dialogue can transform the way we connect. Drawing from their latest book, How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations, they break down the power of Imago Dialogue, the role of safety in communication, and why curiosity is the key to bridging differences. From deepening intimacy in romantic relationships to fostering understanding in a divided world, this conversation is packed with powerful tools to help you listen, connect, and create lasting change in the way you relate to others. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally respected as couple's therapists, educators, speakers, activists, and New York Times bestselling authors, their 10 books, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Helen was installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. They have six children and eight grandchildren. —Harville & Helen's Previous Episode: https://markgroves.com/episode/the-couple-who-changed-how-i-relate-lessons-from-the-godparents-of-love/  —Harville & Helen's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/  —Harville & Helen's Website: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ —Harville & Helen's Website | Safe Conversations: https://quantumconnections.com  —Harville & Helen's Website | Imago Relationship: https://imagorelationships.org/  —Harville & Helen's Book: How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/how-to-talk-with-anyone-about-anything/  Resources: — Deepen your connections and spark meaningful conversations with the Create The Love card deck — designed to inspire self-reflection, vulnerability, and deeper intimacy in your relationships. https://createthelove.com/getcards  —Ready to transform your relationships? Download The Relationship Toolkit for free and learn the 5 essential skills to thrive in love and life! https://go.markgroves.com/relationship-toolkit-podcast   —Ready to stop chasing emotionally unavailable people? Download your free guide to break the cycle and call in the relationship you crave: https://go.markgroves.com/unavailable-people-opt-in-podcast  —Learn the connection between Attachment Styles, how it affects the Nervous System, AND how you can heal it: .https://go.markgroves.com/nervous-system-opt-in-podcast  If you want to dive deeper into Mark's content, search through every episode, find specific topics we've covered, and ask him questions, go to his Dexa page: https://ask.markgroves.com This episode is sponsored by: —Cozy Earth: Use code MARK for 40% off sitewide at http://www.cozyearth.com —IIN: Use code MARKGROVES20 for 20% off ALL courses from IIN & Chopra at http://bit.ly/MARKIIN —Mighty Networks: Go to http://www.markgroves.com/mightynetworks to learn how you can create your own community! Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Black Friday Special- 30% off High Vibrational Wine Starter Pack plus FREE SHIPPING Use code: BLKFRI30 http://highvibrationalwines.com   Applications still open for Rewiring Your Core Wound Patterns January 2025- 1 spot left! http://jjflizanes.com/apply   Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 17 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/ and https://quantumconnections.com/   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. JJ Flizanes works with conscious, spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success. She helps people identify sabotaging patterns and transmute struggle into joy. Through a series of clarifying exercises, she is able to curate a personalized roadmap to emotional healing.  JJ is passionate about empowering people with the knowledge and awareness of how they can live the life of their dreams. http://jjflizanes.com  

Black Friday Special- 30% off High Vibrational Wine Starter Pack plus FREE SHIPPING Use code: BLKFRI30 http://highvibrationalwines.com   Applications still open for Rewiring Your Core Wound Patterns January 2025- 1 spot left! http://jjflizanes.com/apply   Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 17 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/ and https://quantumconnections.com/   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. JJ Flizanes works with conscious, spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success. She helps people identify sabotaging patterns and transmute struggle into joy. Through a series of clarifying exercises, she is able to curate a personalized roadmap to emotional healing.  JJ is passionate about empowering people with the knowledge and awareness of how they can live the life of their dreams. http://jjflizanes.com    

Black Friday Special- 30% off High Vibrational Wine Starter Pack plus FREE SHIPPING Use code: BLKFRI30 http://highvibrationalwines.com   Applications still open for Rewiring Your Core Wound Patterns January 2025- 1 spot left! http://jjflizanes.com/apply     Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 17 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/ and https://quantumconnections.com/   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. JJ Flizanes works with conscious, spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success. She helps people identify sabotaging patterns and transmute struggle into joy. Through a series of clarifying exercises, she is able to curate a personalized roadmap to emotional healing.  JJ is passionate about empowering people with the knowledge and awareness of how they can live the life of their dreams. http://jjflizanes.com  

In this episode with world-famous relationship experts Harville Hendrix and Hele LaKelly Hunt, we get into the interpersonal nature of trauma and how to set the stage to heal it (or at least not retrigger it) in your most intimate relationships. We discuss: How to foster safety in your relationships The difference between how we usually talk to each other and true dialogue What nature can teach us about communication The biggest problem most couples have What our childhood trauma does to predict our future partner How to diffuse tension in your relationship Why we should make an appointment when we want to discuss our needs with our partner And so much more... Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and their newest book How to Talk with Anyone about Anything. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. Harville and Helen are co-creators of Safe Conversations®, which helps people learn how to talk without criticism, listen without judgment, and connect beyond differences. Using a simple three-step process, they teach people how to become more present in all of their relationships. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your support is deeply appreciated! Find me, Lara, on my Website / Instagram You can support this podcast with any level of donation here. Order The Essential Guide to Trauma Sensitive Yoga: How to Create Safer Spaces for All Opening and Closing music: Other People's Photographs courtesy of Daniel Zaitchik. Follow Daniel on Spotify.

Black Friday Special- 30% off High Vibrational Wine Starter Pack plus FREE SHIPPING Use code: BLKFRI30 http://highvibrationalwines.com   Applications still open for Rewiring Your Core Wound Patterns January 2025- 1 spot left! http://jjflizanes.com/apply     Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 17 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/ and https://quantumconnections.com/   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. JJ Flizanes works with conscious, spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success. She helps people identify sabotaging patterns and transmute struggle into joy. Through a series of clarifying exercises, she is able to curate a personalized roadmap to emotional healing.  JJ is passionate about empowering people with the knowledge and awareness of how they can live the life of their dreams. http://jjflizanes.com    

Black Friday Special- 30% off High Vibrational Wine Starter Pack plus FREE SHIPPING Use code: BLKFRI30 http://highvibrationalwines.com   Applications still open for Rewiring Your Core Wound Patterns January 2025- 1 spot left! http://jjflizanes.com/apply   Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 17 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/ and https://quantumconnections.com/   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. JJ Flizanes works with conscious, spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success. She helps people identify sabotaging patterns and transmute struggle into joy. Through a series of clarifying exercises, she is able to curate a personalized roadmap to emotional healing.  JJ is passionate about empowering people with the knowledge and awareness of how they can live the life of their dreams. http://jjflizanes.com    

Chapter 1:Summary of Getting the Love You Want"Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix is a self-help book focused on improving romantic relationships. The book presents the idea that many conflicts in relationships stem from unmet childhood needs and patterns that influence adult behavior. Key Concepts:1. Imago Relationship Theory: Hendrix introduces the concept of "imago," which refers to the unconscious image we carry of our ideal partner based on our early childhood experiences. This image often leads us to select partners who reflect our caregivers' traits—both positive and negative.2. Conflict in Relationships: Conflict arises when partners act out unresolved issues from their past. These patterns can lead to misunderstandings and dissatisfaction in relationships.3. Healing Through Communication: The book emphasizes the importance of conscious communication. Hendrix introduces tools like the "Imago Dialogue" process, which helps couples communicate effectively and empathetically, allowing for deeper understanding and connection.4. The Power of Empathy: By fostering empathy, couples can bridge emotional gaps and support each other's healing processes. The book guides readers in developing this crucial skill.5. Revisiting Childhood Wounds: Hendrix encourages couples to explore their childhood experiences and how they impact their current relationship dynamics, promoting healing and growth.6. Learning to Appreciate Differences: The book highlights the value of recognizing and appreciating differences in partners, encouraging a mindset that views challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats. Practical Tools:- Imago Dialogue: A structured communication technique that involves listening and reflecting back what the partner has said to ensure understanding.- Exercises and Worksheets: The book includes various exercises designed to help couples apply the concepts and improve their emotional connection.Overall, "Getting the Love You Want" serves as a practical and insightful guide for couples seeking to deepen their understanding of each other, enhance their communication, and foster lasting intimacy.Chapter 2:The Theme of Getting the Love You Want"Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" is a self-help book by Harville Hendrix, designed to help couples understand and improve their relationships through a variety of techniques and insights. While it is not a narrative work with a traditional plot, it presents key ideas about relationship dynamics, personal growth, and emotional healing. Here are some key points regarding its content: Key Plot Points (Conceptual Framework)1. Understanding Your Childhood Influence: Hendrix explores how early relationships with caregivers shape our expectations and behaviors in adult romantic relationships. Couples are encouraged to identify their childhood wounds and how these affect their current partnerships.2. The “Imago” Concept: Central to the book is the idea of the "imago," which refers to the unconscious template we develop based on our early relationships. This template influences whom we are attracted to and how we behave in romantic relationships.3. The Stages of Relationships: Hendrix outlines the various stages couples go through:- Romantic Love: Initial infatuation that evolves into deeper connection.- Power Struggle: When differences emerge and conflicts arise.- True Love: Reaching a mature connection where understanding and acceptance flourish.4. Communication Techniques: The book teaches specific communication tools, such as the "Imago Dialogue," to enhance understanding and empathy between partners. This structured communication aims to reduce conflict and promote emotional safety.5. The Role of Intentionality:...

Critical thinking is an essential skill in today's divided world and in this conversation with educator and podcaster, Will Reusch, we explore why it's more important than ever. Will shares insights from his years of teaching – discussing the challenges of encouraging students to think critically about complex topics instead of passively accepting dominant narratives. We dive into controversial subjects like left-right dynamics, Trans rights, and the role of social media in shaping perspectives – highlighting how echo chambers and ideological capture fracture communities. Will's mission to create safe spaces for open dialogue and his upcoming initiative, Patterdox, are central to fostering curiosity and empathy in our increasingly polarized society. William Reusch has taught high school social studies in Los Angeles for nearly two decades in several schools that served very diverse populations.  He is a University of Austin Mill Institute Teacher Fellow, has worked with organizations like Heterodox Academy, FAIR (Foundation Against Intolerance & Racism), Civic Spirit, and others in his pursuit to bring critical thinking to the world of K-12 & high school education.  He is the host of the Cylinder Radio podcast and has expanded his educational reach to utilize social media as a way to promote viewpoint diversity and intellectual inquiry.  William is now the founder and lead teacher of the educational platform Patterdox to serve homeschool communities as well as offer supplemental education for all teenagers in the area of social science.  —Will's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willreusch  —Will's Website: https://williamreusch.com/  —Patterdox: https://patterdox.com/  —Will's Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cylinder-radio/id1448662116  Resources From The Episode: —Julia Malott Podcast Episode: Transgender Politics and Gender Dysphoria: https://markgroves.com/episode/transgender-politics-and-gender-dysphoria-with-julia-malott/ —Harville and Helen's Podcast Episode: The Couple Who Changed How I Relate: Lessons from the Godparents of Love: https://markgroves.com/episode/the-couple-who-changed-how-i-relate-lessons-from-the-godparents-of-love/ —Harville and Helen's Book: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: https://amzn.to/4bPqOuK —Michael Easter Podcast Episodes: From Scarcity to Intentionality: https://markgroves.com/episode/from-scarcity-to-intentionality-with-michael-easter/ & Why We Need Discomfort To Thrive: https://markgroves.com/episode/why-we-need-discomfort-to-thrive-with-michael-easter/ If you want to dive deeper into Mark's content, search through every episode, find specific topics we've covered, and ask him questions, go to his Dexa page: https://dexa.ai/markgroves Themes: Critical Thinking Skills, Will Reusch Podcast, Viewpoint Diversity, Education Reform 2024, Overcoming Political Divides, Left vs Right Debate, Breaking Echo Chambers, Ideological Capture Explained, Open Dialogue in Education, Fostering Curiosity in Students, Social Media Echo Chambers, Political Polarization Solutions, Free Speech in Classrooms, Empathy in Education, Imago Dialogue Model, Patterdox Critical Thinking, Bridging Political Differences, Thought-Provoking Conversations, How to Encourage Critical Thinking This episode is sponsored by: —BON CHARGE: Use code MARKGROVES to save 15% at http://boncharge.com/MARKGROVES —Organifi: Use code CREATETHELOVE for 20% off sitewide at http://www.organifi.com/createthelove Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Empathy Empire.Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times.In this interview, Harville and Helen share 90 years of collective therapeutic wisdom about cultivating the relationship of your wildest dreams.

In this episode, I have the absolute honor of welcoming legendary relationship experts Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt. I had to pinch myself when I met them – it was a full circle moment for me. I found Harville and Helen's work at a time in my life when I was deeply confused about relationships. I didn't know why I was so good at talking about everything but my feelings. I didn't know why I chose the people I chose or was the way I was. Harville and Helen's work and their book gave me context to my personal relational patterns and a framework for relating better. In this episode, Harville and Helen discuss the transformative power of dialogue in relationships and the importance of curiosity and open-mindedness. We explore the complexities of emotional healing and self-awareness in relationships, the concept of unconscious attraction in romantic partnerships, and how childhood needs and experiences shape adult behaviors and relationships. Tune in for a profound conversation that will surely impact the way you relate in your life moving forward. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally respected as couple's therapists, educators, speakers, activists, and New York Times bestselling authors, their 10 books, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Helen was installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. They have six children and eight grandchildren. —Harville & Helen's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/ —Harville & Helen's Website: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ —Harville & Helen's Website | Safe Conversations: https:/quantumconnections.com —Harville & Helen's Website | Imago Relationship: https://imagorelationships.org/ —Harville & Helen's Book: Getting the Love You Want: https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/getting-the-love-you-want/ —Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick: https://youtu.be/vmE3NfB_HhE?si=QivHWP9_jREexK3s&t=34 If you want to dive deeper into Mark's content, search through every episode, find specific topics we've covered, and ask him questions, go to his Dexa page: https://dexa.ai/markgroves Themes: Authenticity, Belonging, Breakups, Relationships, Boundaries, Self-Worth, Self-Love, Health, Codependency, Dating, Attachment Theory, Transformation, Conflict, Parenting, Mental Health, Dialogue, Curiosity, Childhood Experiences, Unconscious Attraction, Relationship Development, Self-Awareness, Self-Care, Collaboration This episode is sponsored by BON CHARGE: Use code MARKGROVES to save 15% at http://boncharge.com/MARKGROVES Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we're diving into attachment styles and how they impact our lives professionally and personally. Kerra Bolten joins me for this conversation about shit that matters. For those new to this type of episode, it's a conversation I have with friends or associates who aren't necessarily experts on the topic but wish to share thoughts and insights. Kerra and I connected on LinkedIn and bonded over the topic of anxious attachment styles after I shared a post about it. Now you get to enjoy the conversation that culminated from our connection! In this episode, we dive into the complexities of anxious attachment styles and share our personal stories, the dynamics of anxious versus avoidant attachment, and how cultural and familial influences shape our relationship patterns. We also discuss the journey of self-awareness, personal growth beyond codependency, and strategies for fostering healthier relationships.  You'll hear: Anxious Attachment - what is it anyway? (5:22) We both share some of our experiences being someone who's “anxiously attached.” (7:34) Relationships and attachment styles - what kind of partner do you tend to be attracted to? (17:10) We explore some personal strategies or solutions for overcoming attachment styles that might be outside of what you actually want. (51:22) Resources: Private Coaching with Andrea Subscribe for free to my Therapy Journey podcast series The Science Behind Unhealthy Attraction (medium article Kerra mentioned) Episode 418: Transforming fear and pain into purpose with Kerra Bolton Attached, Amir Levine, Rachel Heller Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I've compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ Kerra Bolton is a creative entrepreneur. She sees a problem and then builds a business to fix it. Over the past 30 years, Kerra has been a journalist, television and film producer, creative director, essayist, political operative, director, and foodie. Kerra recently launched Woodbine Ventures, helping individuals and companies navigate career transitions and employee downsizing with clarity and grace. Underneath Kerra's "ventures" is her core purpose to help others live soulfully, disrupt generational patterns, and embrace joy. Episode link: http://andreaowen.com/603 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Power struggle is a phase in a relationship where couples face heightened awareness of their differences, needs, and unmet expectations. It represents a shift from the initial romantic honeymoon stage to a stage where partners become more aware of each other's flaws and unresolved issues. This stage is marked by emotional turbulence and communication breakdowns as couples navigate the complexities of their evolving connection. However, it's also seen as an opportunity for growth and transformation if approached with conscious effort and relationship skills. In this episode, we explore dynamic strategies and practical tools to help couples overcome challenges in their relationship and foster a more peaceful, loving connection. Discover how to determine which stage your relationship is in, prioritize emotional safety, communicate with empathy, and deepen your mutual understanding. Join us as we discuss practical steps to strengthen your relationship and establish a robust foundation for lasting love and harmony. Shan is an Imago Couples Therapist and Relationship Expert. She helps professional couples on the brink of divorce finally find peace in their relationship and put their wedding rings back on. She's authored the book "From Power Struggle to Peaceful Couple". Shan's on a mission to stop couples settling for unhappy relationships that drain their energy because she believes great relationships are the foundation for a great life. Shan works globally from England.  Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 3:52 Shan's journey: From romantic dreams to relationship expertise. 14:08 Understanding and navigating the power struggle in relationships. 22:08 Embracing conflict as nature's savage gifts in the power struggle. 26:36 Emotional safety and communication in a relationship. 34:47 The imago dialogue: A structured path to safe and effective communication in relationships. 38:02 Using dialogue to improve communication in relationships. 45:13 Improving communication in relationships through empathy and respect. Mentioned Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Imago Relationship Therapy Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love ERP 138: The Most Critical Ingredient for Relationship Success With Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen Lakelly Hunt ERP 303: How to Create Safe Conversations — An Interview with Drs. Harville Hendrix & Helen Lakelly Hunt Connect with Shan Merchant Websites: shanmerchant.com Facebook: facebook.com/shannon.merchant.3 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/shan-merchant-couples-therapist-dating-relationships Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Tamara Schoon is the host of the podcast Straight From the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk About Sex and Dating. She shares dating insights, experiences, and even a few book recommendations with Chaos. Tamara's Podcast: Straight From the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk About Sex and Dating https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/straight-from-the-sources-mouth-frank-talk-about-sex/id1582207826 Book Recommendations: The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love Setting the record straight on dating apps… Everyday people telling everyday stories of the “swipe right” world. Have you had a crazy dating experience? Tell your story on the Swipe Wrong podcast. Contact us and we'll record your story for a future episode! Website: www.swipewrongpod.com Email: swipewrongpod@gmail.com Voicemail: 317-426-6616 Host:  “Chaos”  Producer: Jay Pelham

Leo Cheung is a Breakthrough Coach, a Breakup & Recovery Coach, an EFT Practitioner & a Men's Group Facilitator. Leo shares his intertwined entrepreneurial & healing journey along with how he went from yoga teacher, to car salesman & carpenter then ultimately fell into coaching. This conversation reflects on the importance of listening to one's body and intuition. It highlights how Leo stepped into the responsibility of his life calling and emphasizes the importance of actively recovering one's authentic self in order to help support clients while maintaining balance in life. Additionally, this conversation touches on the power of working with a coach or professional and the use of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) as a tool for processing uncomfortable emotions. Lastly, he discusses how connecting with other men in groups can help tap into body awareness and explore repressed emotions in order to create conscious relationships. We also dive deep into Leo's work with me (your host) to get out of my own way & realize some long held dreams & goals. Join us for this inspiring discussion!   Connect with Leo at: breakuprecoverycoach.com & on Instagram.    In this episode you will learn about:   • Holding Space for Others During Your Own Personal Challenges  • How to Foster Relationships for Personal Growth • A Structured Way to Address Emotions and Achieve Goals • Exploring the Benefits of Processing Non-Positive Emotions • Uncovering Subconscious Fears of Success with the Help of a Coach • Transformation with Men's Groups • Uncovering Limiting Beliefs and Transcending Archetypes • Recognizing the Recurring Patterns of Relationships in Work and Intimate Connections • Overcoming Perfectionism and Overachieving Through Self-Compassion • And much more!   Key Quotes:   “Why conscious relationships are so challenging is because the people we get into a relationship with are asking for something from us that is most difficult for us to give to them.” -Leo Cheung    “It's a difficult way of approaching life, being a perfectionist because we can never be enough for ourselves.” - Leo Cheung   Resources Mentioned: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples The Havens Selves Model (BAAAAA) ARKA Brothethood Your Body Keeps the Score     WANT TO LEARN MORE?   Would you like short actionable tips, tools & strategies that will take your Fitness, Money & Life to the next level? Then join thousands of readers & get the Alchemize FML Newsletter! Delivered weekly. It's free. No Spam. Just empowering AF.   Follow my Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, Youtube, & Twitter Show Notes: www.alchemizelife.com/podcast/   Sponsors:   Are you ready to get in the best shape of your life, increase your income, and 10x your savings/investments? I'm incredibly passionate about fitness & money and have reached a strong degree of mastery in these domains and built an incredible coaching program to help you. Head to www.fitrichvegan.com, sign up for a Free Consultation, or DM me on Instagram with the words "Fit Rich Vegan" to discover if it'd be a good fit for you!   For something like you've never had before and to get into an almost euphoric state of Focused Flow & Productivity, try Feel Free by Botanic Tonics! Go to www.botanictonics.com and use code DRAGON to save $40 off your first order!   If you desire to lead a happy, healthy, fit life, go to www.vedgenutrition.com/dragon, and grab all of your key supplements. Use the code DRAGON and get 15% off!   I often get asked what my favorite Vegan Protein Bars are for when I'm on the go and without a doubt, they are the No Cow Protein Bars which have THE BEST MACROS out there -- High Protein with great amount of Fiber to keep you feeling full & Low-Fat (most protein bars & actually Fat Bars in disguise). The newly released "Dipped" Now Cow Protein Bars taste so good! Use code DRAGON to save 15% on all of your orders.   Thanks for tuning in!     If you liked my show, LEAVE A 5-STAR REVIEW, like, share, and subscribe!

We have all heard some myths about BDSM, Kink, and D/s. For those in the communities, these can feel like a slap in the face and often result in shame that hurts on a deeper level than even humiliation play can reach. They also result in misunderstandings and total avoidance to learning more about the world of kink and BDSM to those new to this world. It's time to dispel some that have made their way across my desk recently and provide the research to disprove them, as well as insight into what it's really like in a consensual dynamic.  Links for this episode: Case Study: What Is So Appealing About Being Spanked, Flogged, Dominated, or Restrained? Answers from Practitioners of Sexual Masochism/Submission  published in the Journal of Sex Research Case Study: Curative Kink: Survivors of Early Abuse Transform Trauma through BDSM published in The Journal of Sexual and Relationship Therapy Case Study: A Systematic Scoping Review of the Prevalence, Etiological, Psychological, and Interpersonal Factors Associated with BDSM published in the Journal of Sex Research Case Study: Bondage- Discipline, Dominance - Submission and Sadomasochism (BDSM) From an Integrative Biopsychosocial Perspective: A Systematic Review  published in the Journal Of Sexual Medicine Book: The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients by Dr. Sefani Goerlich Article: 94 Non-Binary BDSM Names for Doms & Subs by Sunny Megatron Book: Come as You Are by Dr. Emily Nagowski Book: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk Book: Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships by Stella Harris Book: Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz Book: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Helen LaKelly Hunt  (Great info on the Imago Dialogue) Additional Resources: Site: The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom Site: AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) Site: TASHRA (The Alternative Sexualities Health Research Alliance) Site: TASHRA's Research Site: The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality Site: Center for Positive Sexuality Site: Sexual Health Alliance  Site: Kinsey Institute of Indiana University Dr. K's Official Goodreads page – For the Book Lover Dr. K's Official Website _____________________ Peep my Instagram  Twitch with me! LIVE  Digital Magazine - Intellectual Intoxication - Dr. K's Gallery Musings & Gallery  Dr. K's  Kink-Affirming Holistic Coaching Practice Additional Resources: Consent Counts Resources from the NCSF (National Council for Sexual Freedom)  About SESTA/FOSTA: Information relating to how the changes in the law have to affect TOS across social media and inadvertently create issues for those in the field of sexual and reproductive health. Reid's Safer Sex Elevator Speech Dr. K's Official Goodreads page – For the Book Lover   Psss…. Don't forget to check out The Submissive Next Door Podcast on Apple Podcast/iTunes– subscribe and give us a rating, pretty please!  If you like what you hear and see, please consider becoming a Patreon. Patreon members get podcast episodes, exclusive bonus videos, and my personal sex-positive Zine, Intellectual Intoxication. The Zine showcases my provocative photography projects along with topics such as erotica writing, holistic sexuality, liberating art, embodiment, rituals with a witchy-vibe starting at $3 a month. It's you all that keep the podcast going! Thank you! _________________________________________________ Affiliate Links – Feel like shopping? Use these links to get a discount and help support the podcast too! 1st Phorm - Elite Fitness Products for High-Performance Training and Health The Stockroom – BDSM and D/s luxury toys, tools, and gear Le Wand - Luxury Sex Toys with an empowerment mindset! The CowGirl - The Award-Winning Riding Sex Toy Lovense – Luxury High Tech Sex Toys for Love at a Distance SheVibe – Sex Positive Sex Toys for the Adventurous! Social Links Exclusive Content – Discord – Social Links

As we continue our conversation around Healthy Romantic Relationships, I am beyond excited to introduce today's guests, Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt.  They are authors of one of my favorite books, Getting the Love You Want.  Their book is so powerful because it's like therapy and coaching in a book, explaining why we fall in love with the personalities we do, the way our childhood wounds play out in our relationship disputes and my favorite, the vital need for a safe space to be vulnerable and share so that we can heal and grow in and through our intimate relationships.   Today's conversation will be like sipping from a firehose, so get out your pen and paper and be prepared to take notes! Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt are both Ph.D.s.  They are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally-respected as couple's therapists, educators, speakers, activists, and New York Times bestselling authors, their 10 books, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Helen was installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. They have six children and seven grandchildren.   Free Giveaway: https://harvilleandhelen.com/podcast-offer/   How can our listeners find you? Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/harvilleandhelen Instagram @harvilleandhelen Twitter @harvillehelen Website: https://harvilleandhelen.com/     Request a Free Jump Start Call at https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/jumpstart   For more information on Journey Beyond Divorce visit:  www.jbddivorcesupport.com

Let's talk about Libido... in particular, how do we overcome libido discrepancy? (i.e.: when one partner wants more sex than the other.) While we are at it, let's take it a step further and throw parenting, life, and a little kink into the mix! In this episode, I'm going to address an insightful question from a follower concerning how to talk to their partner about the tough subject of getting more sex when one partner isn't feeling it. I also take you on a deep dive into a conflict resolution technique called "The Imago Dialogue" (and how it can be used as check-in method for D/s dynamics), how this fits in with creating more responsive desire, as well as teach you how to find what your inner self actually needs from sex. I'll also give actionable steps to reframe what pleasure is, and build a container of safety that will help partners connect on a deeper level, even when sex isn't on the menu! Let's get going!   Links for this episode: Video Podcast Version  Dr. K's Imago-Inspired D/s Relationship Dialogue Script will be available on Patreon and her Online Center for Sexuality & Kink Education Book: Come as You Are by Dr. Emily Nagowski Book: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk Book: Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships by Stella Harris Book: Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz Book: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Helen LaKelly Hunt  (Great info on the Imago Dialogue) Site: The Imago Relationship Official Site   Additional Resources: Site: TASHRA (The Alternative Sexualities Health Research Alliance) Site: TASHRA's Research Site: The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality Dr. K's Official Goodreads page – For the Book Lover Dr. K's Official Website _____________________ Peep my Instagram  Twitch with me! LIVE  Digital Magazine - Intellectual Intoxication - Dr. K's Gallery Musings & Gallery  Dr. K's  Kink-Affirming Holistic Coaching Practice Additional Resources: Consent Counts Resources from the NCSF (National Council for Sexual Freedom)  About SESTA/FOSTA: Information relating to how the changes in the law have to affect TOS across social media and inadvertently create issues for those in the field of sexual and reproductive health. Reid's Safer Sex Elevator Speech Dr. K's Official Goodreads page – For the Book Lover   Psss…. Don't forget to check out The Submissive Next Door Podcast on Apple Podcast/iTunes– subscribe and give us a rating, pretty please!  If you like what you hear and see, please consider becoming a Patreon. Patreon members get podcast episodes, exclusive bonus videos, and my personal sex-positive Zine, Intellectual Intoxication. The Zine showcases my provocative photography projects along with topics such as erotica writing, holistic sexuality, liberating art, embodiment, rituals with a witchy-vibe starting at $3 a month. It's you all that keep the podcast going! Thank you! _________________________________________________ Affiliate Links – Feel like shopping? Use these links to get a discount and help support the podcast too! 1st Phorm - Elite Fitness Products for High-Performance Training and Health The Stockroom – BDSM and D/s luxury toys, tools, and gear Le Wand - Luxury Sex Toys with an empowerment mindset! The CowGirl - The Award-Winning Riding Sex Toy Lovense – Luxury High Tech Sex Toys for Love at a Distance SheVibe – Sex Positive Sex Toys for the Adventurous! Social Links Exclusive Content – Discord – Social Links

Join Margi and John for our next episode of Thrive Stories this coming Tuesday at noon (MST). Come listen and participate in the conversation as we talk to Holly Ashton Wallin. Holly will talk about the role of passion in her life, beginning as a young girl where she was a dreamer, a lover and a fighter. She will take us through how she lost herself along the way--and with that, her passion. Holly eventually came to experience the loss of her marriage, her faith, her career path, and her health. Witness how Holly rebuilt her identity and her life after loss by connecting back to that fire within. What does it mean to live “a life on fire?” Join us to find out! Thrive Stories is a new podcast series where Margi (alongside John or Jenn) will be interviewing a member of the community twice per month. The interviews will be shorter (1-2 hours), story-based, but will be focused on a particular aspect of healing and growth AFTER a Mormon faith crisis (thus the THRIVE name). They will happen on Tuesdays at noon (MST). Some examples of areas of thriving include: Family Relationships, Healthy Boundaries, Finding Community, Finding Meaning/Purpose, Dealing with Grief/Death, Religion after Mormonism, Health Sexuality, Parenting, Improving Physical Health, Identity, Health Marriage/Relationships, Secular Spirituality, Word of Wisdom 2.0, and Women Finding Their Own Voice after Mormonism. If you would like to nominate someone you know who would be a great candidate for a THRIVE interview, please nominate them (or yourself) here. Show Notes: John Gottman - Marriage book- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Third Edition Esther Perel - The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity Brene Brown - Braving the Wilderness A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle Falling upward by Richard Rohr Mormon Stories Thrive interview with Dave ————— We are 100% donor funded! Please click HERE to donate and keep this content coming! Click here to donate monthly: $10 $25 $50 ————— MSP on Spotify MSP on Apple Podcasts MSP Blog Instagram Patreon TikTok Discord   Contact Us! *MormonStories@gmail.com *PO Box 171085 Salt Lake City, UT 84117

Inner Voice – a Heartfelt Chat with Dr. Foojan podcast. In this segment, Dr. Foojan chats with Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally respected as couple therapists, educators, speakers, activists, and New York Times bestselling authors, their 10 books, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Helen was installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. Today we will be talking about their latest book: Doing Imago Relationship Therapy – In the space-Between. https://harvilleandhelen.com Check out my website: www.foojanzeine.com

Applications Open for Empowerment Strategist Certification 2022 (2 slots left!) http://jjflizanes.com/cert   Roadmap to Emotional Healing Course in April LIVE http://jjflizanes.com/roadmap   Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/   http://imagorelationships.org   https://safeconversations.com/     Still Face Baby Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, a best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. Named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine, JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, and Women's Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox, the CW and KTLA. Grab a free copy of the Invisible Fitness Formula at http://jjflizanes.com/book

Applications Open for Empowerment Strategist Certification 2022 (2 slots left!) http://jjflizanes.com/cert   Roadmap to Emotional Healing Course in April LIVE   http://jjflizanes.com/roadmap     Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/   http://imagorelationships.org   https://safeconversations.com/     Still Face Baby Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0     JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, a best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. Named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine, JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, and Women's Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox, the CW and KTLA. Grab a free copy of the Invisible Fitness Formula at http://jjflizanes.com/book

Applications Open for Empowerment Strategist Certification 2022 (2 slots left!) http://jjflizanes.com/cert   Roadmap to Emotional Healing Course in April LIVE http://jjflizanes.com/roadmap   Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/   http://imagorelationships.org   https://safeconversations.com/   Still Face Baby Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, a best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. Named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine, JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, and Women's Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox, the CW and KTLA. Grab a free copy of the Invisible Fitness Formula at http://jjflizanes.com/book

Applications Open for Empowerment Strategist Certification 2022 (2 slots left!) http://jjflizanes.com/cert   Roadmap to Emotional Healing Course in April LIVE http://jjflizanes.com/roadmap   Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/   http://imagorelationships.org   https://safeconversations.com/   Still Face Baby Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, a best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. Named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine, JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, and Women's Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox, the CW and KTLA. Grab a free copy of the Invisible Fitness Formula at http://jjflizanes.com/book

Applications Open for Empowerment Strategist Certification 2022 (2 slots left!) http://jjflizanes.com/cert   Roadmap to Emotional Healing Course in April LIVE http://jjflizanes.com/roadmap   Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. https://harvilleandhelen.com/   http://imagorelationships.org   https://safeconversations.com/   Still Face Baby Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0   JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcasts including People's Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, a best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life and The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. Named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine, JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, and Women's Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox, the CW and KTLA. Grab a free copy of the Invisible Fitness Formula at http://jjflizanes.com/book

Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt Better Relationships, Better Life with Judy K. Herman Episode 010: Oprah and the Pioneers of Connection Beyond Conflict Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! The pair are also the co-creators of Imago Relationship Theory & Therapy, as well as Safe Conversations®, an organization that contributes to the creation of a relational culture through the distribution of new insights from the relational sciences.   Listen to this insightful interview with Harville and Helen on Better Relationships, Better Life, :   Here is what to expect on this week's show: ●    You'll hear light-hearted conversations about Harville and Helen's influence on Judy as an Imago Relationship therapist and how this interview brings out the “hidden” Oprah in her. Their first appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show was the program that won Oprah her first Emmy award!  ●    The definition of Imago Relationship Therapy, and how it can benefit not only couples, but also individuals, business partners, corporations, congregations, and more. ●    Helen shares how Harville was first in the history of the world to teach skills of dialogue. He was instrumental in the development of the relational sciences becoming teachable. ●    Living with wonder is a sign of brain health. Dialogue activates all of the lobes of the brain by creating structure to regulate emotions. ●    For those with mental illness, skills of dialogue can provide structure to slow down and calm the mental chaos. Everyone is seeking to be safe and connected. ●    The concept of sacred space between two people coincides with philosopher Martin Buber's “I - thou” vs. “I – it.” ●    Helen and Harville are currently working with Adrien Kennedy, former chair of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) https://nami.org/About-NAMI. She envisions the impact of dialogue on the world being powerful enough to end mental illness as we know it today. ●    Created by Harville and Helen in 1980, Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is one of the most influential models of therapy in the world today, practiced in 63 countries by over 2,500 therapists! To find out more: 1.   If you're a therapist who wants training, or a couple who wants Imago Relationship therapy, go to https://imagorelationships.org/ 2.   Join the global social movement to bring Safe Conversations to the whole world by 2030. Go go to https://safeconversations.com/ 3.   Connect with Harville and Helen: WEBSITE: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/harvilleandhelen TWITTER: https://twitter.com/HarvilleHelen INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/ YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf_6FDOjokkjsRkZJr-tcgA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., are partners in life and work.  They are authors of the classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, and ten other books including their newly published: Doing Imago Relationship Therapy: In the Space Between. Find out more about them at harvilleandhelen.com and about Imago Relationship Therapy at imagorelationships.org The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week. Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes. Find out more about the Couples Therapist Inner Circle This episode is sponsored by Clearly Clinical Continuing Ed.  Clearly Clinical is the nation's premier podcast Continuing Ed provider, and features industry experts from across the world.  Clearly Clinical is an approved CE provider with the APA, ASWB, NBCC, NAADAC, CCAPP, and CAMFT, and is women-owned, founded by Elizabeth Irias, LMFT.  Clearly Clinical supports minority and women presenters, and donates to  Feeding America.  And the best part?  Clearly Clinical is literally the most affordable continuing ed provider in the country, bringing you unlimited CE courses for just $60 a year.  As a promo for my listeners, you can use the code COUCH to get an additional 10% off.  They have a number of free podcast CE courses, too, including a CE interview with Dr. Julie Gottman.  Check those out at their website, ClearlyClinical.com. 

In this episode, we'll discuss an often overlooked skill that is so simple yet has a significant impact on how we negotiate relationships. We'll also talk about some tools and practices that can help us turn our disagreements into meaningful connections with our partners. Dr. Harville Hendricks and Dr. Helen Hunt are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally respected as couple's therapist, educators, speakers, activist, and New York Times bestselling authors. Their 10 books, including the timeless classic Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show 17 times! Helen has been installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. The list goes on and on. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 3:56 What safe conversation is and why it's important in building a healthy relationship. 12:58 How these safe conversations in the Imago Dialogue process help the relational culture. 28:19 Simple practices to remind us to value our partners, that they matter, and that we adore them. 39:13 The structure of the Imago Dialogue process: mirroring, validating, and empathizing. 42:54 What the on-duty, off-duty days are and how Helen and Harville use this method to make sure that they are connected when they go to bed. Mentioned Imago Relationship Therapy Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples Helen LaKelly Hunt - National Women's Hall of Fame Meet a Philanthropist - A Conversation With Helen LaKelly Hunt | National Museum of American History The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician's Guide Connect with Harville and Helen Websites: Harville and Helen and Safe Conversations Facebook: facebook.com/harvilleandhelen Twitter: twitter.com/HarvilleHelen YouTube: Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt Instagram: instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/ Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Join us live for a discussion with Margi and John about alternative approaches to New Year's Resolutions. ————— We are 100% donor funded! Please click HERE to donate and keep this content coming! Click here to donate monthly: $10 $25 $50 ————— Show Notes: Thrive Unite Thrive St. George A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle "Small Things Often" podcast by John and Julie Gottman The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John M. Gottman Ana Mardoll's Instagram "Secular Buddhism" by Noah Rasheta "Christmas After a Mormon Faith Crisis" with Margi Dehlin Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed Untamed by Glennon Doyle The Awakened Family: How to Raise, Empowered, Resilient, and Conscious Children by Shefali Tsabary The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Shefali Tsabary Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will by Shefali Tsabary One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg "The Hidden Brain" podcast Relationship Intelligence by Esther Perel Flourish Therapy (Utah-specific) LGBTQ+-Affirmative Therapist Guild (Utah chapter of nationwide guild) Symmetry Solutions Margi Dehlin blog and life coaching

Giovanna Capozza is a coach, writer, functional medicine practitioner, and the Founder of Love Well Coaching, a platform through which she works with individuals seeking to understand and heal their unhealthy relationship patterns. With more than a decade of leadership and coaching experience, Giovanna guides her clients in developing a rock-solid relationship with themselves and removing the blocks that hinder them from the love that they deserve. Her debut memoir, Love Well: Confessions of a Lovesick Woman, is available for pre-order and scheduled for release on Valentine's Day, 2022. Giovanna joins me today to discuss being in a relationship while living with unintegrated trauma. She describes how her parents' relationship impacted the way she sought out relationships in her adult life. She explains why it's important to be compassionate to our inner child. She also reveals how it's possible to have a healthy relationship while healing trauma. “The ways we inadvertently learn to love may not always be right, but it doesn't mean we're broken. It just means we have some things we need to unlearn.” - Giovanna Capozza This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast: Being in a romantic relationship while living a life of unhealed trauma How working on integrating trauma changed my relationships The three general ways we have relationships while living with trauma Why you don't need to be “fully cooked” in self-love to get into a healthy relationship The impact of micro traumas on our nervous systems Pain under the guise of love and how childhood trauma can affect the relationships we choose as adults Resources Mentioned: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix Related Content: The Physical Effects of Trauma with Giovanna Capozza Connect with Giovanna Capozza: Love Well Relationship Coaching Book: Love Well: Confessions of a Lovesick Woman Email: info@giovannacapozza.com Giovanna Capozza on LinkedIn Giovanna Capozza on Instagram Giovanna Capozza on Facebook Giovanna Capozza on YouTube Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Trauma Hiders Club ‘The Podcast' with Karen Goldfinger Baker. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Podcasts | TuneIn | GooglePlay | Stitcher | Spotify | Amazon Music Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you. Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club and grab your free download: Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Giovanna Capozza is a coach, writer, functional medicine practitioner, and the Founder of Love Well Coaching, a platform through which she works with individuals seeking to understand and heal their unhealthy relationship patterns. With more than a decade of leadership and coaching experience, Giovanna guides her clients in developing a rock-solid relationship with themselves and removing the blocks that hinder them from the love that they deserve. Her debut memoir, Love Well: Confessions of a Lovesick Woman, is available for pre-order and scheduled for release on Valentine's Day, 2022. Giovanna joins me today to discuss being in a relationship while living with unintegrated trauma. She describes how her parents’ relationship impacted the way she sought out relationships in her adult life. She explains why it’s important to be compassionate to our inner child. She also reveals how it’s possible to have a healthy relationship while healing trauma. “The ways we inadvertently learn to love may not always be right, but it doesn’t mean we’re broken. It just means we have some things we need to unlearn.” - Giovanna Capozza This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast: Being in a romantic relationship while living a life of unhealed trauma How working on integrating trauma changed my relationships The three general ways we have relationships while living with trauma Why you don’t need to be “fully cooked” in self-love to get into a healthy relationship The impact of micro traumas on our nervous systems Pain under the guise of love and how childhood trauma can affect the relationships we choose as adults Resources Mentioned: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix Related Content: The Physical Effects of Trauma with Giovanna Capozza Connect with Giovanna Capozza: Love Well Relationship Coaching Book: Love Well: Confessions of a Lovesick Woman Email: info@giovannacapozza.com Giovanna Capozza on LinkedIn Giovanna Capozza on Instagram Giovanna Capozza on Facebook Giovanna Capozza on YouTube Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Trauma Hiders Club ‘The Podcast’ with Karen Goldfinger Baker. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Podcasts | TuneIn | GooglePlay | Stitcher | Spotify | Amazon Music Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you. Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club and grab your free download: Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today's conversation, I speak with Charlotte Rowland, psychic medium and energy healer. Her company is called KC Spirit where she offers her abilities to help people, bring clarity, healing and positivity to their lives. Find Charlotte: @kc.spirit https://kcspirit.com.au Mentioned in the episode Discovery of Charlotte's three pillars: psychic, mediumship, and energy healing Charlotte's story of how she came to be A practical technique on how to access your intuition What are spirit guides, ascended masters, your spiritual counsel, angels, etc. and what do they look like How Charlotte sees the world, physically and spiritually What are vibrations and frequencies How to protect your energy or clean out your aura “Energy Strands: The Ultimate Guide To Clearing The Energy Cords That Are Constricting Your Life” by Denise Linn Why coincidences don't exist Skepticism towards spirituality The healing process “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples” by Harville Hendrix PhD Past lives, past life regression and enlightenment Free will and different pathways in life How to manifest and co-create with the universe Tapping into your divine feminine and what that means Follow us at @godeep_podcast and share this podcast if you have enjoyed! Hit subscribe and leave a review.

Put down your armor and open yourself to real intimacy. EPISODE NOTES Are you single—or in a relationship—and keep falling for people who almost love you right, but not quite? There's a reason why that happens, and Ken Page has figured out the formula behind these deeper physics of dating. Ken is a psychotherapist specialized in the search for intimacy, and author of the book Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy (https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/browse/books/deeper-dating-en). In this episode, Ken explains why the parts of you that you're most embarrassed about—that you try to hide by being cool, low maintenance, or extra accommodating—are actually your most valuable gifts that will lead you to finding and keeping real intimacy. He also reveals what he considers to be the single biggest saboteur of healthy love, and talks about different ways in which we flee intimacy without being aware of it. Whether single or in a relationship, this episode is for everyone who wants to foster their skills of intimacy, and deepen their bonds with themselves and others. Books Ken recommends: Ken recommends Harville Hendrix's work, especially Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. He also mentions his work around Safe Conversations. Books Caitlin and Ben recommend: The 5 Love Languages: - The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman - Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller - Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, by Harville Hendrix Caitlin also mentions Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt. Try Blinkist for free for 14 days by going to https://www.blinkist.com/simplify [2], tapping on Try Blinkist at the top right, and entering the code COREGIFTS. Let us know what you thought of this episode, what your core gifts are, or just come say hi on Twitter! Find Caitlin at @caitlinschiller https://twitter.com/caitlinschiller [3], Ben at @bsto https://twitter.com/bsto [4] Simplify is produced by Caitlin Schiller, Ben Schuman-Stoler and Marta Medvešek. Big thanks to Luiza S. Carvalho for audio engineering chops and Odysseas Constantinou for music. [1]: https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/browse/books/deeper-dating-en [2]: https://www.blinkist.com/simplify [3]: https://twitter.com/caitlinschiller [4]: https://twitter.com/bsto

Are you single—or in a relationship—and keep falling for people who almost love you right, but not quite? There's a reason why that happens, and Ken Page has figured out the formula behind these deeper physics of dating.Ken is a psychotherapist specialized in the search for intimacy, and author of the book Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy (https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/browse/books/deeper-dating-en).In this episode, Ken explains why the parts of you that you're most embarrassed about—that you try to hide by being cool, low maintenance, or extra accommodating—are actually your most valuable gifts that will lead you to finding and keeping real intimacy. He also reveals what he considers to be the single biggest saboteur of healthy love, and talks about different ways in which we flee intimacy without being aware of it.Whether single or in a relationship, this episode is for everyone who wants to foster their skills of intimacy, and deepen their bonds with themselves and others.Books Ken recommends:Ken recommends Harville Hendrix's work, especially Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. He also mentions his work around Safe Conversations.Books Caitlin and Ben recommend:The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary ChapmanAttached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. HellerGetting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, by Harville HendrixCaitlin also mentions Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt.Try Blinkist for free for 14 days by going to https://www.blinkist.com/simplify [2], tapping on Try Blinkist at the top right, and entering the code COREGIFTS.Let us know what you thought of this episode, what your core gifts are, or just come say hi on Twitter! Find Caitlin at @caitlinschiller https://twitter.com/caitlinschiller [3], Ben at @bsto https://twitter.com/bsto [4]Simplify is produced by Caitlin Schiller, Ben Schuman-Stoler and Marta Medvešek. Big thanks to Luiza S. Carvalho for audio engineering chops and Odysseas Constantinou for music.[1]: https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/browse/books/deeper-dating-en[2]: https://www.blinkist.com/simplify[3]: https://twitter.com/caitlinschiller[4]: https://twitter.com/bsto

Guru Jagat talks with Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. They have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and co-created Imago Relationship Therapy. Catch this episode of timeless wisdom about creating the relationship you want, “still face” and other keys to unlock harmonious relationship. 

Everyone carries trauma into their marriage. It creates walls and feelings that appear irrational. We are talking with licensed therapist, Elaine Hamilton, about how we can identify our trauma and work through it.Show Notes:Go to www.mops.org for more information about MOPS, International. Opening story about elephant mentioned by Mandy in introduction is from Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. Guest: Elaine Martens Hamilton, LMFT, website: www.soulcarehouse.com You can follow Elaine on social media: Instagram @soulcarehouse, Facebook @elainemartenshamilton Retreat on Orcas Island: www.soulcarehouse.com/orcas Books mentioned by Elaine Hamilton: Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller  How We Love Workbook, Expanded Edition: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage by Milan Yerkovich and Kay Yerkovich Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Third Edition  by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. (Author), Helen LaKelly Hunt PhD (Author) The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner  The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships by Harriet Lerner  Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?  by John Powell   

This week I thought I’d touch very briefly on a concept that helped me understand a LOT of things about my romantic relationships and my marriage to David. The “imago” relationship theory developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt appears in their joint-authored book “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples,” and it’s been formally codified as IRT, Imago Relationship Therapy. The word “imago” is derived from the Latin for “image,” referring to the unconscious image of “similar love,” or love that recreates early childhood experiences. If people in love say to each other, “it’s like I’ve known you forever,” it’s because, in a way, they do. Hendrix and Hunt found that when people seek romantic partners, they unconsciously recreate their childhood scenarios and the relationship they had with their parents. This often leads to unconsciously attempting to fix in their present relationship the things that were lacking in their past as a child (see episode 78) — not necessarily because they enjoy being attracted to people who are like one or the other of their parents or caregivers, but because it’s familiar. As we recognize that our unconscious mind, informed by past relationships, is partially responsible for determining who we’re attracted to and why, we should both be aware and beware of unconscious roadblocks in our relationship path. I realized early on that if my siblings or friends suggested I do this or that thing, I could do it with no sweat — but if David asked me to do the same thing the same way, I felt reprimanded! I felt not-good-enough! It was like I was a child again, and it wasn’t even David’s doing! Says psychologist Carl Jung (and I’m loosely paraphrasing here), “until we know our unconscious mind, it will direct our life and we will call it fate.” Remember that what your parents said and did in their interactions with you and how they treated you was not a reflection of your worth but a projection of their own insecurities upon you (see episode 45). As you become aware of this and aware of your own imago dynamic in your relationship, you will be able to more clearly see and meet your own needs, which in turn will help you meet your spouse’s needs and your children’s needs. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are co-creators of https://imagorelationships.org/ (Imago Relationship Therapy) and a social movement called https://safeconversations.com/ (Safe Conversations). Internationally-respected as couple's therapists, educators, speakers, activists, and New York Times bestselling authors, their 10 books, including the timeless classic, https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001 (Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples), have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Helen was installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. Watch and read more at flipyourlidpodcast.com

Have you ever traveled solo where there was no true agenda? It might be time that you consider it! Why you might ask? Solo trips can truly be life-changing (!!!!!) In today's episode, I'll chat about the solo trip that I recently took to Palm Springs, how it was exactly what I needed to reset, recharge and ultimately hang out with myself! In this episode you'll learn how to: - Plan and execute a life-changing solo trip - Create and set an intention for the trip - Step outside your comfort zone and do something you haven't done before - Love spending time alone with yourself - Understand feelings that might come up before, during and after taking a solo trip Resources mentioned in this episode: Purchase Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington here: https://amzn.to/3qhMg57 Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt here: https://amzn.to/33uEISz Purchase The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron here: https://amzn.to/3od2p9Z Get $25 off your next stay when you book with HotelsTonight here: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/hoteltonight-hotel-deals/id407690035 Use code: AMCGREGOR22 Let's connect on social: @TheAliMcGPodcast @alimcg_ @_lifesimplified --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Why is it that things are so great in the beginning stages of falling in love, but then can turn so sour? - Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! - However, Harville and Helen are no strangers to marital problems. In fact, their marriage almost ended before they began to practice what they preach. Their marriage is now stronger than ever, and they can save any marriage with their simple methods. - We are honored to have Harville and Helen on the Love Intently Podcast for a second time! You can listen to their first episode where we go more in-depth into their marriage journey and struggles here. - For their second time on the Love Intently podcast, we discuss: -The psychology and science behind who we fall in love with and why -The science behind why the best defense against COVID-19 is actually unconditional love -The three simple methods that are proven to save any marriage -How these methods can also be applied to strengthen your children’s emotional resilience -How to expand the application of these methods to outside of our homes and into the world at large to create safer, more understanding conversations with people of different races, religions, sexual orientations, cultures, etc. -The pivotal learning Helen realized that saved their marriage -How you can work with Harville and Helen through couples’ workshops or getting trained to teach others how to have safe conversations For full show notes and resources: https://www.loveintently.com/podcast - Connect and Work with Harville and Helen Hendrix: https://www.harvilleandhelen.com Save Conversations Facilitator Trainings: https://harvilleandhelen.com/facilitator-trainings/ Couples workshops: https://harvilleandhelen.com/couples-workshops/ - Connect with Sophie and Love Intently https://loveintently.com Follow @love.intently on Instagram Follow @sophkwok on Instagram

Podcast Notes Key Takeaways The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violenceby Gavin de Becker“This is a pretty transformative book in terms of learning how to trust your gut and not dismiss red flags or write them off.” – Whitney CummingsTwo similar books to The Gift of Fear that Whitney recommends as additional reading:Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody BeattieAdult Children of Alcoholicspublished by ACA WSO INC.Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couplesby Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD“It is such an incredible book” – Whitney CummingsThe authors share lessons about: The role hormones play in love and relationships How the body can make us believe we’re in love with someone even though we only recently met them How to empathize with your partner’s point of viewRead the full notes @ podcastnotes.orgBooks I've Loved — Whitney Cummings | Brought to you by Audible.Welcome to another episode of The Tim Ferriss Show, where it is my job to sit down with world-class performers of all different types—from startup founders and investors to chess champions to Olympic athletes. This episode, however, is an experiment and part of a shorter series I’m doing called “Books I’ve Loved.” I’ve invited some amazing past guests, close friends, and new faces to share their favorite books—the books that have influenced them, changed them, and transformed them for the better. I hope you pick up one or two new mentors—in the form of books—from this new series and apply the lessons in your own life.Whitney Cummings (@whitneycummings) is a Los Angeles-based comedian, actor, writer, and producer. She has appeared in multiple television shows and films, and has performed in stand-up specials for both HBO and Comedy Central, one of which was nominated for an American Comedy Award. You can subscribe to her podcast, Good For You, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. Whitney is also the author of I'm Fine...And Other Lies, and her most recent comedy special, Can I Touch It?, is now available for streaming on Netflix. For more Whitney, check out our conversation from 2015. “Books I’ve Loved” on The Tim Ferriss Show is brought to you by Audible! I have used Audible for many years now. I love it. Audible has the largest selection of audiobooks on the planet. I listen when I’m taking walks, I listen while I’m cooking… I listen whenever I can. Audible is offering Tim Ferriss Show listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Just go to Audible.com/tim and browse the unmatched selection of audio programs. Then, download your free title and start listening! It’s that easy. Simply go to Audible.com/tim or text TIM to 500500 to get started today.***If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes? It takes less than 60 seconds, and it really makes a difference in helping to convince hard-to-get guests.For show notes and past guests, please visit tim.blog/podcast.Sign up for Tim’s email newsletter (“5-Bullet Friday”) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Interested in sponsoring the podcast? Please fill out the form at tim.blog/sponsor.Discover Tim’s books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss YouTube: youtube.com/timferriss

Astrologer Colin Bedell and I discuss the Relational Houses (Houses 4-8) in Astrology. How to have healthy relationships based on what the signs of these houses need! Who rules your relational house and what are they looking for? BOOKS FROM THE SESSION LITERATURE "Attached" The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love. (2010) by Amir Levine, Rachel S.F. Heller "The Intentional Family: How To Build Family Ties In Our Modern World" (1999) by William H. Doherty The Gottman Institute "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" (2010). Brene Brown. "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence: (2006). Esther Perel 1."Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love." (2019). John and Julie Gottman. 2. "Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted" (2014) Marcia Naomi Berger 1."Getting the Love You Want: A Guide questions like who, what, for Couples." (2007). Dr. Harville when, where, why and how. Hendrix. 2. "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships. (2015) Marshall Rosenberg CHECK OUT COLIN: https://www.queercosmos.com/ Bio: Colin Bedell is a queer Gemini Twin from Long Island, New York. He's a passionate student of secular personal-growth systems, and the universal spiritual themes explored in A Course in Miracles. Well & Good Magazine listed Colin as one of the most influential people in the wellness industry and as a 2020 Innovator. Complementing his work with QueerCosmos, Colin's the weekly horoscope writer for Cosmopolitan.com. His bestselling first book A Little Bit of Astrology from Sterling Publishers debuted November ‘18, his second book Queer Cosmos: The Astrology of Queer Identities & Relationships which launched last November was ranked the #1 Astrology book for beginners by the DailyDot magazine, and his third book Gemini by Sterling debuted January 2020. HOW TO FIND PLANETS IN YOUR CHART: https://youtu.be/EUgvbq-17sQ SOLSTICE GIFTS:https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11465551&appointmentType=15038734 CHECK OUT THE EAT & GREET COLLABORATIONS: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwL0zDMT3qCA8eEDFVfXZCBDik4OZ0jT7 FULL NATAL CHART-https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=167635 READY FOR A READING: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11465551&appointmentType=category:READINGS+%28LOOKING+AT+ONLY+1+PERSON%27S+CHART%29 BIRTHDAY (SOLAR RETURN) REPORT: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=58786 FULL CHART ANALYSIS BY VIDEO: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=248187 EMAIL READING- https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=144274 MONTH BY MONTH PERSONAL BREAKDOWN VIDEO-https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=11465551&action=addCart&id=169746 FACEBOOK-https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stormie-Grace/138693799515065?ref=hl FIND YOUR TRIBE GROUP ON FB: https://www.facebook.com/groups/232632710465654/ https://twitter.com/StormieGrace08 All my love everyone --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/stormie-grace/support

It’s therapy month on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast! ICYMI: I’ve decided to organize podcast episodes into monthly themes, and right now, we’re in the middle of Therapy Month!  Joining me to discuss all things Imago Therapy for couples is Dr. Sarah Schewitz. Dr. Sarah Schewitz is a licensed psychologist specializing in love and relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn.  Imago therapy is a specific style of relationship therapy designed to help conflict within relationships become opportunities for healing and growth. My ex-husband and I were in Imago therapy before our divorce, and well, it didn’t save our marriage. But what it did do was provide us with a way to communicate compassionately and lovingly during our divorce.  Imago therapy opens compassion wells, and it allows for a deeper level of communication.  Sarah is an expert on the subject. In addition to discussing Imago, we also chat about why therapy (individual or couples) is so vital for your healing. Sarah puts it perfectly when she says, “Most of us are just unconsciously reacting to circumstances that are triggering our past childhood wounds without realizing it. If you can gain that awareness, you can then choose, ‘Do I want to react this way or not?’ And that’s healing.”   Show Highlights How remote couples therapy works (4:28) Misconceptions around childhood trauma and how they impact current relationships (6:59) The definition of trauma and conflict trauma (9:11) How Sarah addresses the panic-stricken husband who didn’t realize things were ‘that bad’ (14:15) Imago therapy and Imago dialogue: what it is and how couples can use it for a more profound level communication (16:58) More on the Imago dialogue and why the respect for your partner’s availability is so important (22:00) Sarah shares how she approaches therapy with someone who has been in an abusive relationship after abusive relationship (25:12) How to elicit a conversation about childhood wounds using Imago Dialogue, with a real-world example (51:26) “Whether the relationship stays together or not, investing in yourself is never a loss.”   Dr. Sarah Schewitz Learn More About Dr. Sarah Schewitz: Dr. Sarah Schewitz (pronounced Shevitz like Manischewitz wine) is a licensed psychologist specializing in love & relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn. She has been working with couples and individuals to improve their love lives for over 10 years now. In 2019, Sarah was named one of Datezie’s most influential dating experts and one of the top 3 marriage counselors in Los Angeles. Sarah has been featured in articles for outlets such as Readers Digest, Playboy, Bravo TV, AskMen, Self, and more. Dr. Sarah’s private practice is relatively unique in that she is one of the only doctoral-level couples therapists whose practice is 100% online.  Resources & Links: Dr. Sarah’s website Dr. Sarah on Instagram Dr. Sarah on Facebook Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix Ph.D Getting the Love You Want Workshops The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Bryde's voice coach is the guest on today's episode! The hosts speak with Jamie about speaking from the heart (or Men's work) and how to work with the divine masculine and feminine, even in conflict. "When you're hysterical, it's historical.". References include authors and men's work teachers Robert Bly and David Deida; "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" by Robert Moore and Doug Gillette, and "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix. Jamie Wollrab is an actor, director, writer, producer, and an acting and voice coach based in Los Angeles. Jamie hosts virtual masterclasses in voicework that you can check out on his website - Jamiewollrab.com

In addition to our amazing Featured CoachMe Coaches, we also have guests on the show this season who are experts and topic enthusiasts on specific areas of personal and professional development that will support your growth journey even more.In this episode, we warmly welcome our guest Caroline MacGillivray, Local Writer and Wellness Entrepreneur, as we talk about ‘Journaling to Connect to Your Soul, Body, and Spirit’.Caroline MacGillivray is a 5th generation Vancouverite! Curious about her hometown, Caroline has written for local publications about restaurants, spas, tourism, and dating. She produced and hosted Sexy in Vancity at CITR 101.9FM and Save On Radio. Other hats she wears include medical Qi Gong therapist, aerial yoga teacher, and barre and yoga instructor. She has led yoga and journaling work for people who are healing from trauma. She is best known as founder of Beauty Night Society and Co-founder of Qi Day.Journaling is frequently used as a tool between coaching sessions to give the coachee a deeper understanding and learning, and we hope you find the insights and tips about journaling as valuable as we have.Amongst many other points, in this podcast we’ll learn:What journaling is and what's it's used for.What the benefits are of journaling, the different journaling styles, and if you definitely need a pen and paper to journal.How to start journaling if you're a newbie, or to up your game if you've long subscribed to the value of journaling.How to journal to connect with soul, body, and spirit.Resources mentioned during the podcast:Contact details:carolinemacgillivray.com | Instagram @caroline_macgillivray | Twitter @talktocaroline | Facebook carolinemacgillivraywellnessbeautynight.org | Instagram @beautynightsociety | Twitter @beautynight | Facebook BeautyNightSocietyStream of Consciousness JournalingMy Fitness Pal AppTrust within one tenth of a second - psychologicalscience.orgBook - Journaling on Money: The Latte Factor: Why You Don't Have to Be Rich to Live Rich by David Bach & John David MannPsychology of Gender at UBCMaster's (M.A.) in Counselling Psychology - adler.edu10 Yoga 'Commandments', Yamas + Niyamas - yogajournal.comOprah on gratitude journaling - oprah.comBullet Journaling - bulletjournal.comBook: Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. & Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D.Book: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. & Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D.Book: The 5 Love Languages by Gary ChapmanBook: Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg & Julia CameronBook: Write Yourself Happy: The Art of Positive Journalling by Megan C HayesOpus Art Supplies for scrap books - opusartsupplies.comDollarama for note books - dollarama.comBook: Eat Pray Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth GilbertBook: The Five Minute Journal: A Happier You in 5 Minutes a Day by Intelligent ChangeQuote: "Your values and what's important to you is going to show up on those pages."CoachMe Vancouver. Listen. Connect. Thrive.

Cathy and Todd discuss Imago Dialogue as introduced by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt's book titled Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and why it could help your relationships.  

Cathy and Todd discuss Imago Dialogue as introduced by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt's book titled Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and why it could help your relationships.  

Cathy and Todd discuss Imago Dialogue as introduced by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt's book titled Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and why it could help your relationships.  

In this confessional interview with the renowned creators of Imago Relationship Therapy and authors of the bestselling book Getting the Love You Want, Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt reveal intimate details about their sex life for the first time, and Dr. Tammy shares her own personal and professional transformation after discovering Imago.Imago Relationship Therapy is a form of relationship and couples therapy that focuses on transforming conflict into healing and growth through relational connection.Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples - celebrating it's 30th anniversary in print. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times.Harville and Helen are co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world.RESOURCES & INFORMATION· This episode is sponsored by UBERLUBE - Feeling is everything. Go to uberlube.com to get 10% your first order with promo code: DRTAMMY. Uberlube ships for free within the USA. · Join The Trouble with Sex Community, support this podcast and get exclusive perks, special access to Dr. Tammy, extra resources, offers and deals. Go to patreon.com/thetroublewithsex for more now!· Contact us and send us your questions at The Trouble with Sex.LEARN MORE about Imago Relationship Therapyo WATCH: Oprah Talks Imagoo ARTICLE: Oprah’s Guide to Imagoo ARTICLE: An Inside look into an Imago WorkshopBOOKS TO READo Getting the Love You Wanto Getting the Sex You WantCONNECT o Harville & Heleno Imago Relationship TherapyWant to hear our full theme song? o LISTEN: NoTroublewithSex_ThemeSongSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/thetroublewithsex)

Today we celebrate the 100th episode of The Couples Therapist Couch with a rerun of one of the most popular episodes. Thanks for all your support! This episode explores fundamental questions like why do we fall in love, why do couples fight and how can couples work through conflict? Harville Hendrix has been on the forefront of teaching about relationships for decades. He is the founder of the couples therapy model called Imago Couples Therapy. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times. The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week. Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes. See below for more information on the Couples Therapist Inner Circle. Get your free course called Working with Couples 101 Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group Today's Sponsor The Couples Therapist Inner Circle This is the Membership Site for Couples Therapists. There is a workshop every month on topics like EFT, Gottman, Infidelity, and Working with Sex. Additionally there are regular question and answer sessions and opportunities to talk about cases.

In this episode, we discuss the fabulous Club Euphoria Foam Party which renewed our faith in hotel takeovers.  We also discuss some methods for recognizing and managing emotional connections in your primary relationship and in lifestyle relationships. Resources: Book-"Getting the Love You Want-A Guide for Couples" Reid Mihalko's Slut Protocols The Philosophy of Detachment Check us out on DoubleDateNation! Use promo code SS19 to receive a free three month premium membership! As always, you can find us online here: Twitter - @SpiritualSwing www.spiritualswingers.net Our Kasidie Community Email - Adam@spiritualswingers.net or Eve@spiritualswingers.net Kasidie, SLS, and DDN - SpiritualSwing Namaste sexy friends! :x

#ReRooted on Be Here Now Network: Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt https://beherenownetwork.com/francesca-maxime-rerooted-ep-1-harville-hendrix-and-helen-lakelly-hunt/ video of interview: https://youtu.be/vfHhl4ZMGHg Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt join Francesca Maximé on the premiere episode of the ReRooted podcast for a conversation around the ways that relationships operate in our culture and how we can heal and cultivate our inner life through healthy relationships. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple’s therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Harville has also been a long time reoccurring guest on the Oprah Winfrey television program, sharing his and Hellen’s approach to healing and cultivating relationships. Learn more about Helen, Harville and their Imago approach to relationship therapy at harvilleandhelen.com. Creating a Relational Culture Helen and Harville talk about the idea of cultivating a relational culture. Can a change in cultural norms affect the way our relationships function? “What we are currently engaged in and committed to is a movement in activities toward creating a relational culture. That is a radical shift from the culture we have grown up in in the Western world, at least for the past 200 years, which has been focused on singularity, on the individual, on the isolated person, on the self – without reference to context. Without reference to the fact that we do live in a culture. That we do live in a culture and that the culture is not just a container we live in, it permeates our thoughts and feelings. Every interaction we have with our partners in a relationship is unconsciously mediated by the values of the culture.” – Harville Hendrix Relationships and the Spiritual Life (7:08) How can relationships act as a portal to a deeper inner life? Harville takes a look at the way relationships can connect us closer to the essence of being. Helen talks about pursuing a marriage based on partners making a commitment towards healing one another within the relationship. “There was the romantic phase (of marriage). You marry because you want to get what you want out of it – it’s about me. We think that we are on the cusp of a new kind of marriage, which is a healing partnership. Look at the divorce rate with that other kind of marriage. We think if two people can look at marriage with a new lens. That that both of them come to a marriage wounded and they make a commitment to healing each other’s wound. That is the marriage that endures.” – Helen LaKelly Hunt Check out Ram Dass’s reflection on the yoga of relationships on Ep. 17 of the Here and Now Podcast Healing Our Wounds (19: 35) Do the unresolved wounds that we collect as children affect the way we function and relate in our adult relationships. Harville and Helen examine the importance of partners engaging each other in safe and structured dialog, A dialog that constructively and gently sheds truth on the ways our deep seeded wounds are affecting our current relationship. Cooperation Required (37:45) We close with a conversation around the need for cooperation in any relationship. Harville and Helen talk about the drastic shift that occurs when both partners make an equal commitment to a relationship.

Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt join Francesca Maximé on the premiere episode of the ReRooted podcast! Together they share a conversation around the ways that relationships operate in our culture and how we can heal and cultivate our inner life through healthy relationships.Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Harville has also been a long time reoccurring guest on the Oprah Winfrey television program, sharing his and Hellen's approach to healing and cultivating relationships. Learn more about Helen, Harville and their Imago approach to relationship therapy at harvilleandhelen.com.

What if there were a guide written to help you not only communicate better with your partner, and experience love more deeply - but that would also heal the triggers that keep creating conflict between you and your partner? As it turns out - that guide exists! This week, our guests are Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D, authors of the classic book, Getting the Love You Want which was just updated and re-released. Both are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, and created Imago Relationship Therapy, a leading tool for helping couples bridge the gaps and deepen their connection. In addition, Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 18 times! This week, hear them reveal how they have put Imago into practice in their own relationship - which will give you some helpful direction on making this work practical for your life and relationship as well. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Sponsors: Our sponsor today is Blinkist. Blinkist is the only app that takes the best key takeaways and the need-to-know information from thousands of nonfiction books and condenses them down into just 15 minutes that you can read or listen to. Go to Blinkist.com/ALIVE to start your free 7-day trial. Resources: Visit Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix’s website to learn more about their work. Pick up your copy of Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix’s book, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict and shifting the codependent patterns in your relationship Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Your Relationship (ALSO FREE) Visit www.neilsattin.com/imago3 to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Past Episodes: Please check out our earlier episodes with Helen and Harville: Episode 22: Essential Skills for Conscious Relationship and Episode 108: Creating Positive Intensity in Your Connection Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. Here on the show, we are having conversations with the pioneers of what makes relationships work well. And today's guests are celebrating the recent re-release of their classic book, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. And along with celebrating that re-release, we are so excited to have them back here on Relationship Alive to take an even deeper dive into their work so that we're not going to reinvent the wheel. If you want to know more about things that we've talked about, well, we have two other episodes that you can listen to. But we are going to cover some new ground today and also, hopefully, get some personal insights from our two esteemed guests. Their names are Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix. Neil Sattin: And like I said, they've been here on the show before, and it's... We, Chloe and I, have actually taken a workshop of theirs at Kripalu in Massachusetts. And it's just always such a treat to have you back, especially to be able to celebrate with you the re-release of your groundbreaking book, Getting the Love You Want, which has created a difference for so many people. In fact, I posed the question in my Facebook group, "Does anyone want to ask Helen and Harville anything?" And I had a couple of people who said, "Their book changed and saved my marriage. Saved my marriage." So I know you probably hear that all the time, but I just want to tell you, there are at least a couple more people for whom that's true. Harville Hendrix: Good. Thank you. Neil Sattin: So as per usual, you can download a transcript of today's episode by visiting neilsattin.com/imago3. That's I-M-A-G-O. And it's imago3 because imago2 and imago are other episodes, episode 22 and episode 108, where Harville and Helen have joined us previously to talk about their work. And you can always text the word "Passion" to the number 33444, and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode. And we have show guides for their previous two episodes. I think that's it for me. So Harville and Helen, thank you so much for being here with us again today on Relationship Alive. Harville Hendrix: Thanks, Neil. We are delighted to be here with you. Thanks for having us back on. Neil Sattin: It is... Helen LaKelly Hunt: Yes. Harville Hendrix: We're becoming a regular. Neil Sattin: You are. Yes. And it's a pleasure. I couldn't think of two people I'd rather be regulars with. Harville Hendrix: Aww. [chuckle] Harville Hendrix: Thank you. How kind of you. Neil Sattin: So I'm curious, for you, what... Let's just start by talking about when you were surveying Getting the Love You Want, which is such a classic. You were on Oprah 18 times to talk about Getting the Love You Want. What needed to be revised in the book? Why the new revision? And what were some of the main things that you felt needed to be updated, from your perspective? Harville Hendrix: Basically, what is in the new book, as a revision and update, is a first chapter, which is a contextualizing of the book in today's cultural environment. The first chapter sort of brings us up today's... Sort of speaking to today's audience and making... And acknowledging how a relationship, culture has changed in the past 10 years or some, but certainly a lot in the past 30 years. And obviously, the thing everybody is concerned about is social media, and iPhones, and text, and what is considered to be the dissolution of connecting and as replacement with technology. And so that the audience reading this would know that we are speaking to, with some self-awareness, a new market. So that's the major thing, is to... The major first thing is the social context. And the second is that, since 19... Since, yeah, since 1988, especially, and even since it came out a new issue, but not too modified, 10 years ago, at its 20th anniversary, we have made some, I would think, two major shifts. Harville Hendrix: One has been a clarification that connecting is the code word for Imago. Connecting is the code word for human yearning, how that connecting is the sort of... Misused everywhere by everybody now that even tech people and telephone people do sales and all that, you'll see connecting everywhere. But we posit that connecting is the nature of nature, and that we are living in an interconnecting universe of which we are participants, and that we have moved out of a universe set up by Newton in which individuals were in... Were separate and independent and isolated and in competition with each other, to a new universe in which we are not individuals and cannot live outside of relationship. So we made really clear that there's a... Quantum physics has given us a new view of what humanity is, what nature is, therefore what humanity is, and we tried to bring that into an understanding of marriage. Harville Hendrix: The basic yearning, we think, with couples is to be connected, and to feel connected, and to know how to sustain connection. And so we brought that into consciousness and gone all the way through the book, removing the vestiges of the individual, isolated individual that was there in 1988 because that... That was the... The foreground in 1988 was the self. And now we're saying the self is a derivative of context, of ourselves conscious enough at the time that we were simply espousing what was ordinary in the culture. Although, behind what we were doing, was this un-languaged awareness of that... Of interconnectivity, but now it's languaged. And then we have some additional exercises at the end of the book. The part three is basically exercises that help people work with that. One of them is the removal... One of them is the addition of a process we call zero negativity. And Helen wants to comment about that. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Yeah. Could I please mention then... Harville Hendrix: Please. Helen LaKelly Hunt: In addition to what Harville has said, may I mention three things? Harville Hendrix: Sure. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Absolutely. Helen LaKelly Hunt: To add, we have a new definition of the self that typically... I'm sorry, a new definition of a relationship. What is a relationship, people think, "Well, Harville and I have a relationship. The relationship is Harville's and me talking to each other in our history or whatever." But our new definition of a relationship is, there's Harville and then there's me, but there's a space between us. It's a space, and it's actually that space between us that determines... How we steward that space between us that determines the quality of our relationship. It's sort of a whole new definition of what is a relationship. And second, we bring in ideas like zero negativity. Helen LaKelly Hunt: And you all know the dialogue process that helps the space between become safe, so that when you're talking, you know who's talking, you take turns talking, and there's a structure, but also zero negativity. And then third, we used to have a process that, oh my goodness, we thought was going to be the best process for Imago therapy, which... This is way at the beginning, that if people could express their anger and not keep it locked inside, just let it out, like express... Take turns expressing your anger. And it was called the Container Exercise, where one partner would contain the anger of the other, and not only did we recommend it to couples, but Harville and I did it all the time... And... [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Oh, yeah. I know where this is going. Helen LaKelly Hunt: We had a horrible marriage. And that was before neuro... The neurosciences say that with neuroplasticity and all the brain, what you focus on is what you get. And Harville and I looked at this exercise and went, "Uh-oh. I think this wasn't the right thing for a couple to do practice being angry to each other." And this is where we tossed that out and we've put in exercises only that creates safety between the two and help focus on what our partner is doing right instead of all the things they're doing wrong, even if there are many, many, many. You just try to focus more on what your partner is doing right. And we also then had that process of what to do about the things you'd like them that you wish they did differently. Harville Hendrix: Yeah, and that's... It was important not to say to people, "You can't have your anger." What we had to say to people is, "You can't abuse your partner with your anger. So here is a way to talk about it so that... " And it's not the Container Exercise, it's more of a behavior change request process. Here's the way to talk about it so that the need behind the anger gets expressed, rather than the anger becoming so toxic, too. Because the other thing Helen and I have discovered, it was really interesting, because psychotherapists always work with memory. But somehow, there was like, "Well, all the memories you have are in the past." And one day it dawned on us that we're making memories all the time. Harville Hendrix: And since our partners look at us, and cannot not look at us through the veil of memories they have of us, it's really important that you decide what memories you want your partner to have of you, and then create those memories. And if so... If you have a, even a therapy exercise in which there's a screaming face, your amygdala doesn't care whether this was in therapy or not, it just remembers the screaming face. And you may have regulated it. So we've gotten tremendously focused on this space between being the domain where safety is there so that you can deal with difficult issues without hurting each other, and that way you maintain connection while you're dealing with the difference. Harville Hendrix: I think the other last thing is that we have emphasized more now of the need for affirmation, and that affirmation has become not just a, "Thank you, that was nice," but affirmation, sort of like Martin Buber long ago in the I-Thou relationship talked about, to affirm another person in their being is the function of the I-Thou relationship. And that has impacted me again, and many years after reading Buber, that to affirm another human being... But what we've added to Buber is that, "When I affirm you in your being, I simultaneously experience my being as affirmed." That the brain is a twofer; what you do for and to another person is simultaneously experienced by you. So that I think nature set it up so you couldn't cheat, because if I hurt you, I hurt me; If I care for you, I care for me. And that it works that way, that principle of simultaneity. So we've done some stuff like that in the new book. Neil Sattin: Wow. There's so much that we just covered, so many directions to go. In reflecting upon what you were saying, Helen, about anger and realizing its effects on if you were giving it full expression, and also what you both were talking about, in terms of how we've evolved from a very self-oriented theory of relationship to a very... A more relationship-centric orientation, a relational orientation with the space between. I'm thinking about how going through the dialogues, in particular, how that helps everyone get to the hurt that's beneath that anger, and how that creates safety to be able to identify with your partner, the wounded part of your partner, as opposed to be identifying with a part of yourself that's really angry about whatever it is they did. Or for them, identifying with their angry part instead of by really getting in touch with, "Oh, this is how I've been hurt." And from there, it's a much more generative place. It would be like if your relationship space is a garden, to borrow maybe an overused [chuckle] metaphor, if you find a little plant that has broken in places, you want to tend to it. You wouldn't just necessarily yank it out if it was what you were trying to cultivate. Harville Hendrix: Right. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Right, right. And so what I think we try to do is stay away from anger as much as possible, because it releases cortisol. And you know who feels horrible when cortisol is in their own body, and that's the person being angry. You think you're hurting someone else, you're also hurting yourself. So we do as much... What I appreciate about Harville is he has people more and more, in a simple way, circle what my wound was from childhood, just circle it, and not necessarily re-experience it. The cathartic thing that in the '70s and '80s, psychology said to get your feelings out about your parents, what they did wrong. Like if you express it, then you'll be getting it out of your system, and you don't have to carry it locked inside anymore. Well, guess what? That theory was wrong. [chuckle] Do you remember primal therapy by... Neil Sattin: Oh, yeah. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Yeah, okay. So you would buy therapy or books to lay down on the floor and scream, and express your anger to your parents, your pretend-parents, to get it out. Well, so we are realizing that that's really damaging for the brain and damaging for the person expressing it. Harville has ingeniously headways a couple can identify the wound by circling it on a piece of paper. This wound is then a challenge from the past that they've brought to the relationship. And then they circle what is the need that they have from their current partner now, and changing an anger and frustration into a need and making a request. So we quickly accelerate someone on that path of something that your partner did wrong, well, you gotta name it. You gotta name it and maybe say how that made you feel, but say as quickly as possible what your partner should do, so you'll never feel that way again. And so the whole emphasis is making a request of what you want instead of telling your partner of what you don't want. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. And in the dialogue process then, what we do to operationalize that is that we'll give people the sentence stem. Which when they say what their frustration is, then Helen is very adamant about moving from frustration to, "What do you want?" And then we're giving a sentence stem as when I have that frustration that reminds me when I was little, and people then go to the hurt. And that hurt that I go to when I say, "It reminds me when in childhood my dad was not there," or, "My mother yelled at me," or whatever, that hurt then triggers in Helen, as my listening partner, empathy for me instead of judgment about me. And that revealing of the safety to reveal my hurt is created by the structure of the dialogue process, because I... By the way, the dialogue process works. We finally figured out is something that Dan Siegel said one time was, "Do you know why meditation works? Meditation works because the brain needs to know what's coming next." Harville Hendrix: And in meditation, the brain knows you're going to breathe in and then you're going to breathe out, and there won't be any changes in that. And the brain doesn't care what you're focusing on, whether it's God, or a mantra, or your breaths, or whatever. The predictability of what's coming next helps the brain relax. And in dialogue, when I heard him say that, I thought, "Oh, so that's why dialogue works." The brain knows that when I talk to you, you're going to say, "Let me see if I got that," instead of, "What in the hell did you mean when you said that?" Or, "No, you shouldn't say that." So I can predict, when I talk to Helen, that she's going to say, "If I'm getting that," rather than, "Why are you talking about that?" So, that predictability. So in the dialogue process, you know that your partner is going to check and say, "And that reminds you in childhood of?" And I'm going to say, "Well, it reminds me, blah, blah, blah, when my mother wasn't there," and then she's going to mirror me. Harville Hendrix: So what's happening is that she's regulating her prefrontal cortex by holding me in the dialogue process. And when she asked me, "And what did it remind you of?" and I tell her about my hurt, she is then going to experience, in the amygdala, an emotion called empathy. And so she will get empathy at the same time that I'm feeling safe with expressing my vulnerability with her. And when we shift that, we then move into curiosity rather than judgment, and when we go to curiosity, we've been deep in safety, and therefore, we can talk about vulnerability without fearing that somebody's going to say, "Well, that sucks, it's just too bad. You need to get over your childhood", which is kind of what is interesting, is what the message underneath psychoanalysis is, is that you finally have to go to adulthood and give up that fantasy that you ever... I remember my therapist now, nearly 40 years ago, when I was in analysis, saying to me, "Harville, you are never going to get what you want from Helen." [laughter] Harville Hendrix: "You must come to terms with that." [laughter] Harville Hendrix: I was like, "Oh, let me give you a book." I think we had... No, I think this was after Getting came out, that I was working with that therapist and I said, "Could I bring you a book?" [laughter] "Getting the Love You Want, in which I take opposition to your point of view." And he said, "No matter what you wrote in the book, it is still an illusion." [laughter] Harville Hendrix: What we have to say is, I got it from Helen. I didn't have to give up. You can't give up the desire, it's connected to your survival. It has to happen, but it has to happen with somebody with whom you are engaged, who will be present so that you can have your vulnerability and they stay in the curious and empathic place. Helen LaKelly Hunt: And partner isn't going to do it unless their partner asks in a respectful way. Like Harville has brought his needs to me, explaining what it was like in childhood, and thus exactly what he needs from me, and he and I actually work on this not just once, but over time. Because I'll say, "Honey, I just still want to know exactly what you wish. If I did it perfectly... And tell me exactly what it is you need from me." And he'll say it to me kindly, instead of saying, "You never do this and you never do that." Well, that... What is it? Squelches my motivation. I get discouraged when all I hear is what I'm not doing. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. It disempowers you. Helen LaKelly Hunt: And so the power for a couple just to shift from judgment to curiosity and wonder to each other, and shift from being critical to asking for what they want with sender responsibility. Neil Sattin: Right. And when you say sender responsibility, you're talking about, as the sender, the one speaking, the one making a request, taking responsibility for how you are making that request? Helen LaKelly Hunt: How it lands. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Such as your partner sticks their fingers in their ears and goes, "La la la la la." [laughter] Helen LaKelly Hunt: Let's say... And then you could ask your partner, "Could you coach me in how I'm asking for what I want? Could you coach me so that I could ask for what I want in a way that might make it something that we could have healthy dialogues around?" And just be curious about your partner, when they do shut down, were you part of the reason they shut down? Harville Hendrix: Yeah. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and I'm thinking back to what it feels like when there is anger, or disappointment, in the room, and how disconnected. I can feel that cortisol and maybe the powerful anger response happening, but in the end, what I really want to get back to is connection with my partner. And so I love how this process creates that shift back to the ways that we open to each other. Curiosity, understanding, compassion, versus staying in that shut-down place where you might be making demands or levying your judgment of the other person. Harville Hendrix: Yes. Right. Neil Sattin: I appreciate, too, that you're using yourselves as examples a little bit, and that makes me curious, and you can pass on this question if you want, but I'd love to know, for you, what are the things that... If you could name something that you continually have to revisit? Because I think a lot of people have this illusion that we who are talking about relationships all the time and writing relationship books, we have perfect relationships, meaning there's never conflict, there's never negativity. None of that. So I'm wondering if you could share a little bit with what that journey is like for you, and what is the thing where you might revisit, you might find yourself revisiting over and over. "Oh, right, that's my thing that I'm working on." Harville Hendrix: You want to go first? Helen LaKelly Hunt: Right now, it's easier for me to share something that I always do wrong, or get feedback that I'm doing wrong. So could I start with that? Harville Hendrix: Sure. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Because I am so great at multitasking. Oh, I am awesome at it. [laughter] Helen LaKelly Hunt: But when Harville is talking to me, that is so insulting to him. Like my great gift is making him feel invisible. And I get that, and I love that when he speaks, and especially if he's excited about something, excited positive or excited negative, my job is to stop what I'm doing right there and then, and turn around and be as excited as he is about something, or as frustrated as he is, and just be present for him as he's experiencing his feelings. And I used to try to fit that into my schedule, but I was doing important things, and he would understand if I wasn't looking at him while he was saying something important... Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And no, if he wants me to stop, "Wow, your... " What's more important, or what's more holy than getting to be present for Harville's experience of life. So over time, I've gotten clear that, "Wow, that's my number one job." So that's what... Neil Sattin: And just I'm curious, Helen, is there something that you've done to remind yourself so that when you find yourself... Harville is sharing something with you, and you're in the middle of 20 things which you excel at, do you have a way of bringing yourself into presence in those moments? Helen LaKelly Hunt: I do. When you came to our workshop, do you remember the video, the Still Face experiment? Neil Sattin: I do. Yeah. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Okay. If anyone listening would look up, Google online the Still, S-T-I-L-L, Still Face experiment. A lot of psychiatrists at Harvard and psychiatry schools all around the country conducted this experiment, and Harville had picked that three-minute video to show in our workshops. And when the mother was present for their child, when the child was looking at the world, boy, was the child happy, but the moment the child... The mother had a still face that is not animated with the child, but just still, not angry, not distant, but just a still face, the child would try to get their caretaker to respond. Neil Sattin: Engage. Yeah. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Engage. Engage and resonate with what the child was feeling. And in this little three-minute video, the child begins to go into shock that the mother has a still face and decompensates and starts screaming and yelling, even though the mom is about five inches away. The mother is right there, but it's the look in her eye that the child is missing. The mother is present but doesn't have presence. And so after watching that video for some years, I woke up to the fact that, "Oh, my goodness. Why don't I practice being the mother in the still face that is resonant face?" It's like... And it's a whole lot of fun to do that. I am having so much fun doing my best to when Harville might need me to drop everything, turn around, and just practicing presence. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. And what's interesting, and... But ordinary, is that you can imagine, therefore, that I grew up with a mother who had eight children plus me and no husband, he had died on a one-horse farm, and she was always busy. I have no images of her paying attention to me. None. Neil Sattin: Wow. Harville Hendrix: She died when I was six, but I, in that six years, I do not have a single picture. She was a wonderful woman. When I talked to my oldest sister, who at the time was an adult when I was a child... She is the most wonderful woman you can imagine. She was kind, loving and caring, and you look at all my family. They had to have a pretty good mother, because nobody went crazy and did drugs, and nobody killed anybody and so forth. But I was the last, and my primal memory of her is trying to get her attention and failing. So when I walk into the room and Helen is busy at the stove, at the fireplace, doing what my mother did, but hers is on the... Usually on the phone. That memory pops in, like I'm not going to be able to get her attention. So Helen has a practice of when I walk into the room, she'll take the phone away and check and see if I want to talk to her or... Or the other thing is, on Helen's side, is that asking her, "Is now a good time to talk?" is a way of establishing her availability, and she can say no. So we've moved out of, "You gotta always respond to me when I walk into the room," to, I can ask, "Are you available for a question right now?" And she can say no, and come back to it later. Helen LaKelly Hunt: And the key thing for me in terms of being vulnerable is, a big request I've asked is if you would coach me before presentations. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. So it's that... Helen LaKelly Hunt: So that's a childhood thing. Harville Hendrix: That Helen did not grow up being empowered by the people around her to function. Helen LaKelly Hunt: He's such a great speaker. Oh, wow. He just is so good, and I don't mind not being as good, I just want the memories of him coaching me. So that's been our thing. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And when you say that, I just... I get the feeling of what that must be like to be supported by him, to have all that attention and encouragement coming from him. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Exactly, exactly. Harville Hendrix: Except that right now, she's so good on the stages that people... There is a line up with her at the end of the workshop, and I'm over putting away my computer and nobody's talking to me. Everyone's talking to her. [chuckle] That's how good my mentoring has been. [laughter] Harville Hendrix: Yeah, but I get that. But that was you were not empowered as a child. And so to say, "Here's how you could do that, practice projecting, clear up this concept, make eye contact when you're talking, move around," anything that makes it charismatic, because speakers who had done it on stage a long time know how to hold an audience, and you don't hold them by standing there lecturing out of your throat. You engage them. And so she is... You do that with such magnificence. Well, you saw her do that with such magnificence, so... But the thing that's important is, we have talked about the new book. I think we finally clarified that healing is a medical term, and that it applies to the body getting well of a wound, but psychic healing, memories are not healed ever, that they are always resident in the... The emotional ones in the amygdala, and the event ones in the hippocampus. They're always there and can be activated by a behavior. So that what we work on is creating a relational environment in which we don't trigger the memories. And if we do, we have a repair process, in which we'll quickly put those memories back in the background, but they're not going to go away. Harville Hendrix: We used to think, when we were working out of the medical model for psychotherapy, which came from Freud and he was a physician, so he did what he knew how to do, that all emotions were a disease and had to be treated, and now we know that emotions are triggered by memories and that those memories will always be there. And what you wanted is... When we talk about creating new memories to replace the old memories, but when the old memory is triggered, that you move quickly in and all old memories are triggered by the absent caretaker. Whether they are missing in their bodies or missing emotionally, although they're in the room, they are not present to the child, and like that baby in the Still Face experiment, not being able to get the resonant face is terrifying. So if we... We know that all the time we have to live with that kind of conscious intention that we want a play... Our relationship to be safe enough that we don't trigger each other's painful childhood memories. And when we do, we move to repair quickly. Neil Sattin: Can you talk for just a minute about... And I want to make sure we don't lose sight of you also offering if you have something to share about your own personal thing that you revisit in the relationship, that you've been working on, Harville. But before we do, I'm curious, how do you encourage reciprocity in a relationship? I think, particularly in processes that require a lot of generosity of really listening with intent and being present and helping someone through a hard moment and being willing to come back to the table and repair, all of these important things. There's a danger that people perceive, which is like, "Well, I'm always giving and/or I'm always willing, but my partner isn't necessarily." So I'm just wondering if you have some guidance to offer around how to encourage partners to both be able to come to the table. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. Do you have a comment about that? Helen LaKelly Hunt: Thank you. Harville Hendrix: Well, I'd have to think about that because I'm thinking that I'm not associating that with us. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Well, actually... We actually did when we were in a low point. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. Helen LaKelly Hunt: We created a calendar of on-duty and off-duty days where before going to bed at night, one person was in charge of making sure that they and their partner were connected before they turned out the lights, and the next day it was their partner's job to make sure they were connected. And that was something that really brought us both in charge of participating and making sure the relationship was healthy. Because in most relationships, one person might be a little bit more active doing that. And if one person is more active, the other might go, "Well, it's their job to do that," [chuckle] or withdraw. Every relationship has a turtle, as well as a hailstorm. So these on-duty... This calendar that invites a couple to co-create accountability for reciprocity is a beautiful way that, no matter what, you have to be connected before you go to bed. The other person on their on-duty day has to figure it out. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. And I think we've talked about that some. I'd say that was a really good training process, but I don't experience now, you and me saying, "Well, I did five things that were positive and you didn't do any," that we're not in the tit-for-tat consciousness. We do have a ritual every night that, before we go to bed, we give each other three appreciations, and rather than point out three things that we did wrong in dealing with the zero negativity calendar, that we moved that out and... Helen LaKelly Hunt: We both are really responsible for the relationship these days. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. Helen LaKelly Hunt: But if someone... If it's one-sided, that's a suggestion. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. And so that really is an amazing structure, that you have a day on which you are the one who is going to contain whatever is chaotic, and the next day you're off-duty. What we discovered, though, is we like the days on-duty better. [laughter] Helen LaKelly Hunt: It felt better to be on-duty than off-duty. Harville Hendrix: Yeah, because you're working out of your prefrontal cortex and you're not into your reactivity. And if you do feel reactive, "I'm on duty, I can't drink." [laughter] Harville Hendrix: So you go and do the other piece, and you wind up feeling better because you have not gone into your negative emotions. And then after a while, we were both feeling better so that we kind of made that we are both on-duty every day for the quality of our relationship. And given that, we don't have a whole lot of things to clean up, and when we do, I think the thing I would say about that is we have got this repair process down so that if one of us does miss out, we just go fix it in the next five or 10 minutes. Helen LaKelly Hunt: So that's the zero negativity process. Harville Hendrix: That's the zero negativity process. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Which Harville could talk about for a long time. We do a better job at that, but... Harville Hendrix: Let's see what Neil wants. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Well, I would definitely love to have you share that, but is there something, Harville, in particular, that you'd like to share about something that you've had to revisit in your relationship with Helen that's kind of your thing, that you've been working on, and maybe a struggle that is less and less of a struggle over time? Harville Hendrix: Well, I'm thinking about that. I think that my growth edge is to listen until Helen finishes her sentences. That I interrupt her, and then that triggers her invisibility vulnerability. And to... Because my brain quickly is listening and has something to say to add to it, or an alternative, and I rationalize it by, "Well, it's a conversation, it's not a dialogue. We're playing tennis, we're not having a dialogue." But all interactions are and should be dialogical. And I still work on, as the co-creator of all of this, implementing it all the time. I would think that's... Would that fit with you? Your view of my growth edge? What else would you see as my growth edge? Helen LaKelly Hunt: I think me finishing sentences. Harville Hendrix: Finishing sentences, not being interrupted and deflected. [chuckle] Helen LaKelly Hunt: Mm-hmm. And I said the coaching. Harville Hendrix: And the coaching. Because I think when you were little, nobody listened to you in the household, the family, the parents. Helen LaKelly Hunt: I didn't talk. I didn't even try. [chuckle] Harville Hendrix: Well, and you didn't talk because nobody was listening. That was not cool. [chuckle] So interrupting her, but... And also appreciations, to notice what excellent things, more than just the ritual at bed time, that during the day I'm trying to grow into awareness that the way she just handled that phone call was amazing, and to say that instead of, "Well, we got another task done." That's the affirmation process, to be engaged in that. Because I grew up on the farm, and where I grew up on the farm was people didn't spend much time thanking you. It was like, "Did you milk the cow?" And then they didn't say, "Wow, what a good cow milking you did." [chuckle] It just was, "Did you do it? And did you feed the horse before you came in?" [laughter] Helen LaKelly Hunt: And all of those affirmations... Harville Hendrix: So appreciations was not a part of that, and affirmations. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Appreciations and affirmations create safety, and that's bottomline. Harville Hendrix: Yes, absolutely. And they then empower you, you know what you did that made a difference. And if you do something, like you did feed the cow or milked the cow real well, and nobody noticed it, then you don't know whether you did it right or not, or if you even want to do it again. But if somebody says, "Good milking. Wow, see the horse was fed. Good job." That's the kind of affirmation, appreciation, that becomes spontaneous rather than just the ritual at the end of the day. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and that reminds me, too, of John and Julie Gottman's work around having that ratio of 20:1, positive to negative, interactions in normal day-to-day life. They were just on the show talking about the importance of cultivating cherishing in their relationship as well, so... Harville Hendrix: Yeah, I like them. Neil Sattin: It makes sense that you'd be on the same page. Harville Hendrix: Yeah, yeah. John and I were talking one time at his home on the island, in San Juan Islands, where he lives, we'd gone out there to visit him. And at the time, there was some kind of... We're not sure we're on the same page and so forth, but he pulled me aside and he said, "Having been here for two days and talking, so forth, I think we're basically all doing the same thing, we just phrase it differently." And I thought, "Good! That means we pass your approval." [laughter] Neil Sattin: It does feel good. Harville Hendrix: And I love the word "cherishing", that... I love that word, "cherishing". And I think the repair process, we prefer to call it the "reconnecting process" because repair seems so mechanical, but the methodology of that, the quickness of repair as a sign of a healthy relationship is another thing they threw into the world that we have picked up and said, "That's really important," is how quickly you get this thing fixed and get back on the road. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Can you talk a little bit about your approach to repair that you've brought up a few times? Harville Hendrix: Well, yes. The zero negativity is a pledge that you make, and we know that because of the wiring of the brain to be paranoid means that to change your brain to affirmations, goes... Is by changing the evolutionary patterns so big, so that when you commit to zero negativity, you gotta blow it. And we say to people, "We're telling you a great thing to do, but we know you gotta have difficulty doing it. So let's just say that upfront. But it's okay if you blow it, if you repair it." And because when you blow it, you'll disconnect, and what we want you to do is reconnect, which we like the word "connecting". So what we... There's a range of repairs, and one is to say, "Could I just do that again? Could I send that again?" Or Helen might say, "Would you be willing to send that in a different way that doesn't sound negative to me?" Harville Hendrix: So, the re-do process. And then a sort of parallel to that is, if I'm not clear what you want, I could say, "Will you model it for me? So I can see how you want me to look, the tone of voice you want me to have, the words that you want to say." And the agreement is that we will let our partners teach us. Then the third thing is that we discovered some people don't need to do all that, they just need an apology. "I'm really sorry that I had that tone of voice." Helen likes apologies. I like behaviors, because when I grew up, people who apologize just hit you again. So apologizing means nothing to me. But if, stop hitting me and do something different, so then I will have to ask her how something she wants. A hug? We both respond to hugs, sometimes, "Just hug me," or, "Look me in the eye." A connecting behavior of some sort may repair it quickly. Harville Hendrix: And then if, however, the memory that was a real sensitive one, we have the option of going into a full dialogue and talking about how that negative thing I experienced from you, triggers this memory for me, so that she can know or I can know that, then get curious, can know that I need to go to empathy and to holding that. And then we have a really complicated one. If it's really difficult, I may need more than empathy. I may need an actual request for behavior change, and we call that the behavior change request process. And that means we go through a process to arrive at a behavior that I need to have from you so that I can predict my safety with you. And then Helen will agree to initiate that maybe, or if it's on my side, I will initiate that behavior, so that the repair... But that's when it's really deep. Neil Sattin: Right. I remember, in going through that dialogue in your workshop, how nice it was... I believe you have us come up with three or four options. Harville Hendrix: Right. Neil Sattin: So it's not just like, "This is my request, honor it. Please honor it." But, "Here are a few options for you. And any one of these things would satisfy me, or would feel like a step in the right direction." And I feel like that's important. Harville Hendrix: It really is important because if it's just one thing, "Here's my hurt, here's what I want," it sets up a power struggle instead of a collaboration. But if they're, "I'm hurt. Three things, any one of three things would help with that," then I get a choice about which one of those I can do, which one I will do, and which one will not stretch me at all if I did it, and so I'll pick one that's challenging because I want to grow. But if I have choices, then I can participate. But we found that if I don't give you a choice, it's going to trigger your resistance. Then even if you did something, it wouldn't matter, because the psychological energy of a generosity is not there. But if I have a choice, I can be generous; If I don't have a choice, I'd be resentful. We don't want a therapeutic process that creates resentment. Neil Sattin: Speaking of, I'm curious about the way that Imago handles shame. I could see, for instance, you take the zero negativity pledge and one person or the other dumps something toxic into the relational space. It happens. So how would you want to handle the shame that one might feel from having done that? Or we're in the Getting the Love You Want conversation, a lot of people have shame attached to their desires and to the very thing that they want to ask for. It might bring them shame to ask for it. So I'm just wondering if you have a way of holding that? Harville Hendrix: Well, to me, the shame is dealt with by holding the request or holding the failure, so that you... I think the reparative or the healing or the reconnecting process always is that if it's guilt that you mirror back at, so you're feeling guilty about that, so shame... So that felt shameful to you. I'm getting that, there's some more about it, so then don't shame back or guilt back. But once a person has become... Has had their... And you know those emotions are all connected to developmental processes. If you're always into guilt, you're probably not into shame, you're into... You did bad behaviors. But if you're into shame, which is an earlier developmental issue, you're into not being a good person. And so... Harville Hendrix: But in either case, they are all created by the parent who does not hold the child's behaviors and experiences at the time. And when those are held without judgment but with curiosity, that for us is what restores connection, whether it's shame or guilt, is it's... I don't end up... Haven't been able... I know there are shame books and guilt books and all kinds of things, but as I have read the literature for the past 40-50, nearly 60 years now, underneath all of those things, there's something that repairs everything. So it's not a shame repair. And what repairs shame and guilt and anger and all of that is presence. If I can be present to you without judgment, and hold you with curiosity, something will happen inside of you around that transaction, whether it... Whatever it was, guilt or shame. And it will be mitigated by the fact that it's not repeated in our interaction. Neil Sattin: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I am so appreciative of your time and wisdom again. I just want to remind everyone that if you want to download a transcript of this episode, we've had so many valuable action items and takeaways from this conversation, you can visit neilsattin.com/imago3. That's I-M-A-G-O 3, after their Imago therapy and Imago dialogues. And I also encourage you to listen to our first two episodes together, episode 22 and episode 108, where we go into more detail about how to do dialogues in the structured way that we've been referring to today. And also, we talk a lot in episode 108 about creating lots of positive force in your relationship. Neil Sattin: Before we go, I just... I want to mention something that feels super important to me, and it's kind of funny that we waited until the end to chat about it, but one of the most important changes that I noticed in the book, along with all of the wonderful updates to the content that you mentioned, is that now, Helen, your name is also on the cover of the book as an author. And I just want to acknowledge that you write about it beautifully in the preface, both of you, about your process of how that came to be. Do you want to give us just a quick snapshot of that now? Because I know a lot of people ask about that and why, for so long, Helen, your name wasn't on the cover when you so clearly were involved in creating this work. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Well, thanks for asking, and maybe I'll go first. Harville Hendrix: Okay. Helen LaKelly Hunt: I look back now and am surprised at my own disassociation of the idea of being on the cover. At the beginning, I vehemently fought against it because I had a prominent last name and was from a family that had sort of, not world recognition, but in certain industries, world recognition. [chuckle] My last name is known around the globe and in certain places, certain industries, and Harville was a sharecropper's son and both parents had passed away by the time he was six. He was the youngest and was almost sent to the orphanage. So while I saw his brilliance, I didn't think his last name... Well, I just wanted this chance to have the theory so powerfully presented in this book, I just felt like it should be his name. It was his idea to focus on this book and so much of the content was him, and I was the ideal number two for him, we both think, but I wanted his name on it. Helen LaKelly Hunt: But I just kept... Once he became so famous, I really missed that I wasn't recognized very much at all, but I dreamed I would be on the cover, and that was Harville's idea. But from the very beginning, there was some sort of dissociation that women have that I was a part of, that I had been, and that I recently wrote a paper on all of the things I did to prepare myself as a therapist before I met Harville. I got a master's in counseling psych, went halfway through a PhD in clinical psych. I love this stuff, but I just sort of dissociated from it. And it's a tremendous, joyful, beautiful thing that Harville had the idea of including me, and that I get to be visible as his number two. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. Well, and the reason her name is on the cover is that she is the co-creator of Imago. The first few sentences in the first year, in 1977, when we met, the conversation led to Getting the Love You Want, and Helen facilitated finding a writer and facilitated the research, all kinds of things, plus the conversation about content was there and the contribution, like Helen invented dialogue, it was her idea to do that structured process. Zero negativity came from Helen. And so I pick up a lot of things that she would say, and since I'm a systemic thinker, I then build that into the system, but... So a lot of pieces in the system... I take full credit for the structure of the system, but not for all of the limbs on the body of the system. So it was clear that we are co-creators with equal and unique contributions to it, and that Helen refused to have her name... That she was offered to have her name on in 1988, then she said no. But after a while, it began to agitate both of us that there was something wrong with this public recognition of me, part of which could be explained, because I was on the Oprah show. Harville Hendrix: But that was also part of the problem that Helen, not being on the cover, didn't get on the Oprah show. So I'm the visible person, and she is the supportive housewife, even if she does have a famous name. I suddenly became as well-known, if not better known than her last name. So it began to just look like that. So when we got to the 30th, it occurred to me, and then I had this epiphany that it's not like a deserved thing. She deserves to be on it, or I want to be generous. It dawned on me one day that I colluded with the cultural devaluation of women, and that I'm married to one of the most powerful women in the world, who was a co-creator of a book and she's invisible around one of the things she loves the most. Helen colluded, too. She's a feminist, she is probably ranked as the second most influential feminist in America in terms of her contribution to women. But somehow, she disassociates herself from... Not from that work, but from our work. Harville Hendrix: So it dawned on me, as we were getting ready to write the preface to the new book, that, just like an epiphany, "Wow, look at this. Can you imagine, if we colluded with the cultural trance, how could we understand everybody else's collusion with the cultural trance? No wonder it's so hard for women to get the right jobs and break through the glass ceiling, and be pastors in churches and bishops in Catholic churches, and everything where women are unequal. It's just wrong, and it needs to be righted." So we did it to cleanse our own souls and to make a statement to the culture, that gender inequity is basically a pathology. And hopefully, we have awakened from that trance and into at least a smidgen more health as a result of that. So her name is where it belongs. And another thing, it's a justice. Social justice is when equity shows up. And so this is a relational justice or partnership justice, in which we are truly partners, and she's not my helper. She's a partner, and we are equal in this project. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Well, and for me, I was known for being in the Hunt family and getting dividends. I started using dividends and I'm known as a donor, and my work in feminism is my head, but Imago is my heart and... Harville Hendrix: Yeah. Helen LaKelly Hunt: That's who I am at my heart. And so it's a beautiful experience, getting to have my heart seen more and being more of a partnership. So thank you for asking. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And just, for me, it was super powerful to pull the book out of the wrapper and to see both of your names there. I had a visceral experience, so... Harville Hendrix: Are you... Neil Sattin: Yeah, I did. Harville Hendrix: Yeah. Great. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Harville Hendrix: Oh, we're glad. And I think, as it occurs to me, while we're talking, is you cannot really become without the resignating other. And so it's really helpful to me, and I think probably helpful to you, that people can say, "Yes, you all are equal partners. And Helen is an equal partner with you." Makes her an equal partner. There's something about the resonance of you and the public to that, that helps Helen integrate it. Otherwise, the disassociation is hard to overcome for both of us, because I was disassociated too. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Yeah. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And for me, this is a reminder too, for everyone who's listening, to just think about what you, in your relationship, what you are creating together, and to acknowledge that the ways that we do create things or support each other, but even in the support, it's truly a co-creation. Harville Hendrix: Yes. Neil Sattin: Things wouldn't be possible without... And that's the beauty of it, right? Is we get to create amazing things that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. Harville Hendrix: And you're co-creating each other all the time, just like you create a baby together, then you co-create each other as parents, in where every interaction changes us. So we're constantly co-creating, but we don't know it, but it's so subtle. But it is the primary reality, we think. So thank you for asking. Neil Sattin: My pleasure. And thank you both for being here and being willing to talk about the theory, the mind stuff, and the heart stuff, and to share some of your own personal journey. It's super powerful and such a treat to be able to talk to you again here for Relationship Alive. Harville Hendrix: And for us, Neil. Helen LaKelly Hunt: Thank you. Harville Hendrix: Thank you. We love talking to you. Neil Sattin: My pleasure. Harville Hendrix: We read your newsletters every time they come out. Neil Sattin: Do you? [laughter] Harville Hendrix: Yes. Neil Sattin: Well, hopefully, you've been entertained lately. [laughter] Harville Hendrix: We keep up with you. Yes.

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! However, marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments. Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation. After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. As Harville and Helen routinely trained other therapists how to save marriages, they started to lose hope that their own relationship would survive. Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to do everything possible to salvage their relationship. Ironically, their own teaching made the biggest difference. Harville and Helen experienced the ultimate benefit of “practicing what you preach” to overcome negativity and learn to lovingly communicate with each other. They reconnected through the exercises they use to coach thousands of other couples, restored their marriage, and enjoy a true partnership that has lasted over 30 years. Their story of hope and seasoned history of helping others uniquely qualifies Harville and Helen as true relationship experts. Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcast shows including Fit 2 Love and Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, an Amazon best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core. She was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11, the CW and KTLA. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame debuted at #2 on the Amazon Best Seller List for Women’s Health – get your free copy at jjflizanes.com/book Doug Sandler is an entrepreneur and industry leader. His book, Nice Guys Finish First is a #1 ranked Amazon Best Seller.  As a podcast host of The Nice Guys, Doug has interviewed, Gary Vaynerchuk, Arianna Huffington and dozens of celebs. Doug is a nationally recognized speaker, writer, and founder of TurnKey Podcast Company, providing podcast production, editing and launch services. His Nice Guys podcast, with over 800 episodes has been downloaded 2.5 million times, in more than 175 countries.

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! However, marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments. Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation. After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. As Harville and Helen routinely trained other therapists how to save marriages, they started to lose hope that their own relationship would survive. Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to do everything possible to salvage their relationship. Ironically, their own teaching made the biggest difference. Harville and Helen experienced the ultimate benefit of “practicing what you preach” to overcome negativity and learn to lovingly communicate with each other. They reconnected through the exercises they use to coach thousands of other couples, restored their marriage, and enjoy a true partnership that has lasted over 30 years. Their story of hope and seasoned history of helping others uniquely qualifies Harville and Helen as true relationship experts. Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcast shows including Fit 2 Love and Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, an Amazon best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core. She was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11, the CW and KTLA. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame debuted at #2 on the Amazon Best Seller List for Women’s Health – get your free copy at jjflizanes.com/book Doug Sandler is an entrepreneur and industry leader. His book, Nice Guys Finish First is a #1 ranked Amazon Best Seller.  As a podcast host of The Nice Guys, Doug has interviewed, Gary Vaynerchuk, Arianna Huffington and dozens of celebs. Doug is a nationally recognized speaker, writer, and founder of TurnKey Podcast Company, providing podcast production, editing and launch services. His Nice Guys podcast, with over 800 episodes has been downloaded 2.5 million times, in more than 175 countries.

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! However, marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments. Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation. After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. As Harville and Helen routinely trained other therapists how to save marriages, they started to lose hope that their own relationship would survive. Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to do everything possible to salvage their relationship. Ironically, their own teaching made the biggest difference. Harville and Helen experienced the ultimate benefit of “practicing what you preach” to overcome negativity and learn to lovingly communicate with each other. They reconnected through the exercises they use to coach thousands of other couples, restored their marriage, and enjoy a true partnership that has lasted over 30 years. Their story of hope and seasoned history of helping others uniquely qualifies Harville and Helen as true relationship experts. Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcast shows including Fit 2 Love and Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, an Amazon best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core. She was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11, the CW and KTLA. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame debuted at #2 on the Amazon Best Seller List for Women’s Health – get your free copy at jjflizanes.com/book Doug Sandler is an entrepreneur and industry leader. His book, Nice Guys Finish First is a #1 ranked Amazon Best Seller.  As a podcast host of The Nice Guys, Doug has interviewed, Gary Vaynerchuk, Arianna Huffington and dozens of celebs. Doug is a nationally recognized speaker, writer, and founder of TurnKey Podcast Company, providing podcast production, editing and launch services. His Nice Guys podcast, with over 800 episodes has been downloaded 2.5 million times, in more than 175 countries.

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times. However, marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. They share insights from their own marriage as well as their best practice suggestions for other couples centered around imago, safe conversations, and zero negativity. This episode we go into the science behind how and why we choose the partners that we do. They share the Imago method and how we can have safe conversations which become healing rather than damaging. These two are world changers and movement makers. They are starting the movement of Safe Conversations through their Non-profit Relationship’s First in Dallas and have plans to expand to the rest of America and beyond. Any conversation with them is one worth listening to as their insight, expertise, and wisdom is not one to ignore.   www.loveintently.com/blog/harville-and-helen/2019/1/30

On Episode 39 of Unfuck My Life, Daniel and Anna make some pricey holiday purchases for themselves and their family. They also talk about using the “Imago Method” for couples communication from the book “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples” by Dr. Harville Hendrix, Ph.D and Anna tells the story of “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson, M.D.

GUEST: MARTIN UCIK Martin Ucik is a German born entrepreneur who trained with Eckhart Tolle as a Power Of Now group facilitator and founded www.singles2couples.org, an Association for Healthy Relationships. His studies of Ken Wilber’s Integral Model allowed him to integrate his personal experiences as a divorced father and the wisdom from over 200 relationship books into Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men which Ken Wilber calls “a terrific book!” and his new book Sex Purpose Love. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) LISTENERS’ QUESTIONS: First listener’s question: “I stumbled upon your podcast on Spotify and since then have found great value in it with my current relationship of 1.5 years. If possible I have some questions/topic that I would love to hear you cover. … One relationship question/topic that is a big stressor in my relationship is: My boyfriend is a police officer and in the National Guard. His jobs have really changed him like how he judges people really quickly and so on. Have you ever covered a topic similar to this?” Second listener’s question: “My worry is that I’ve grown and matured in my thinking over the past couple months and that my boyfriend and I won’t be on the same page. I tend to overthink and my boyfriend tries to simplify things, so oftentimes we balance each other out. However there are times when I think I’m maturing a lot faster than him and it sort of creates a mental gap between us. I’m not sure if that’s because we’re not compatible or if there’s a better way to communicate.” INTEGRAL THEORY Lines of development 5 stages of spiritual development 8 stages of consciousness 4 quadrants Personality matrix Developmental Lines for Relationship, based on Martin Ucik’s approach: Emotional availability Consciousness development Sexual development Spiritual development Anima/animus 8 STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT, BY MARTIN UCIK How we see the world and how we communicate. Survival Magical thinking Ego centric Mythic Rational Pluralistic Integral Transpersonal “Experience without theory is blind but theory without experience is mere intellectual play.” by Immanuel Kant How partners meet each other matters. In the past, partners would meet each other in places where they were likely to have similar perspectives, beliefs, and world views, like college, church, and interest based groups. It was more likely that partners would be at similar stages of consciousness. Whereas today, partners are meeting each other online and are more likely to be at different stages of consciousness, which poses great difficulty for couples. How do you determine what stage of development as person is in? Listen to what really matters to them. What do you recommend for a couple that is dealing with being at different stages of development?  Talk about your experience. Look at the stages of consciousness together. Be gentle in your approach with one another. Invite an openness and a willingness to explore. Sometimes, people will not be ready or willing to grow and develop. MENTIONED: Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men (book) Sex Purpose Love: Couples in Integral Relationships Creating a Better World (book) Relationship Map (opt-in) Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love (book) Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life — Second 2nd Edition (book) Integral Theory: Ken Wilber (Wikipedia) Ken Wilber (website) Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (book) Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (book) Passionate Marriage (book) Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (book) The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire (20th Anniversary Edition) (book) Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart (book) Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After (book) Alex Gray (website) ERP 006: Making And Keeping Agreements To Strengthen Your Relationship (podcast) ERP 140: How Pain and Suffering Increase & What to Do about It (podcast) ERP 141: How To Decrease Relationship Pain and Suffering (podcast) ERP 015: Do You Have A “Unity” Or “Journey” Mindset In Relationship? (podcast) TRANSCRIPT: Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Dealing with resentment in relationships help couples move forward positively with their lives and allow couples to have deeper connection. I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition Harville has appeared on Oprah 17 times! Anyone who knows me knows I’m obsessed with Oprah so I’m extremely envious of this. Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy which is a form of relationship and couples therapy that focuses on relational counseling to transform any conflict between couples into opportunities for healing and growth. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, which is a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. So these guys know their stuff. However, marriage—even for marriage experts—isn’t always easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” Sound familiar to anybody?   20 years ago, after a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. Ironically, it was their own teachings that made the biggest difference in turning their relationship around. And they now enjoy a true partnership that has lasted over 30 years and are happier than ever. So in today’s episode they share not only their expertise through working with other couples but also from their own personal journey. In today’s episode we discuss: Why we choose our partners (this one is fascinating!) How our childhood effects our relationship The one thing they did that completely transformed their own relationship Why we’re such bad listeners How to re-romanticize your relationship And much much more. To learn more about the work Helen and Harville are doing visit https://harvilleandhelen.com BOOK: Getting The Love You Want www.schoolyoursoupodcast.com    

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! However, marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments. Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation. After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. As Harville and Helen routinely trained other therapists how to save marriages, they started to lose hope that their own relationship would survive. Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to do everything possible to salvage their relationship. Ironically, their own teaching made the biggest difference. Harville and Helen experienced the ultimate benefit of “practicing what you preach” to overcome negativity and learn to lovingly communicate with each other. They reconnected through the exercises they use to coach thousands of other couples, restored their marriage, and enjoy a true partnership that has lasted over 30 years. Their story of hope and seasoned history of helping others uniquely qualifies Harville and Helen as true relationship experts. Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcast shows including Fit 2 Love and Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, an Amazon best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core. She was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11, the CW and KTLA. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame debuted at #2 on the Amazon Best Seller List for Women’s Health and #2 as a Hot New Release

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! However, marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments. Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation. After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. As Harville and Helen routinely trained other therapists how to save marriages, they started to lose hope that their own relationship would survive. Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to do everything possible to salvage their relationship. Ironically, their own teaching made the biggest difference. Harville and Helen experienced the ultimate benefit of “practicing what you preach” to overcome negativity and learn to lovingly communicate with each other. They reconnected through the exercises they use to coach thousands of other couples, restored their marriage, and enjoy a true partnership that has lasted over 30 years. Their story of hope and seasoned history of helping others uniquely qualifies Harville and Helen as true relationship experts. Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcast shows including Fit 2 Love and Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, an Amazon best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core. She was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11, the CW and KTLA. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame debuted at #2 on the Amazon Best Seller List for Women’s Health and #2 as a Hot New Release

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! However, marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments. Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation. After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. As Harville and Helen routinely trained other therapists how to save marriages, they started to lose hope that their own relationship would survive. Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to do everything possible to salvage their relationship. Ironically, their own teaching made the biggest difference. Harville and Helen experienced the ultimate benefit of “practicing what you preach” to overcome negativity and learn to lovingly communicate with each other. They reconnected through the exercises they use to coach thousands of other couples, restored their marriage, and enjoy a true partnership that has lasted over 30 years. Their story of hope and seasoned history of helping others uniquely qualifies Harville and Helen as true relationship experts. Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcast shows including Fit 2 Love and Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, an Amazon best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core. She was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11, the CW and KTLA. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame debuted at #2 on the Amazon Best Seller List for Women’s Health and #2 as a Hot New Release

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! However, marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments. Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation. After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. As Harville and Helen routinely trained other therapists how to save marriages, they started to lose hope that their own relationship would survive. Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to do everything possible to salvage their relationship. Ironically, their own teaching made the biggest difference. Harville and Helen experienced the ultimate benefit of “practicing what you preach” to overcome negativity and learn to lovingly communicate with each other. They reconnected through the exercises they use to coach thousands of other couples, restored their marriage, and enjoy a true partnership that has lasted over 30 years. Their story of hope and seasoned history of helping others uniquely qualifies Harville and Helen as true relationship experts. Harville and Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples and families by a creating relational culture that support universal equality. In addition, they've developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world. JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcast shows including Fit 2 Love and Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, an Amazon best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core. She was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. JJ has been featured in many national magazines, including Shape, Fitness, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11, the CW and KTLA. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame debuted at #2 on the Amazon Best Seller List for Women’s Health and #2 as a Hot New Release  

This episode explores fundamental questions like why do we fall in love, why do couples fight and how can couples work through conflict? Harville Hendrix has been on the forefront of teaching about relationships for decades. He is the founder of the couples therapy model called Imago Couples Therapy. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couple's therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times. The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week. There is an episode released every Tuesday about the practice of couples therapy. Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes! If you enjoyed the episode please leave a rating and review on iTunes. Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group To learn more check out harvilleandhelen.com and relationshipsfirst.org  

Dr. Hendrix is a couple’s therapist with over 40 years experience as an educator, clinical trainer and lecturer whose work has been on Oprah 18 times. In addition to Dr. Hunt’s partnership with her husband in the co-creation of Imago, she is sole author of Faith and Feminism. She was installed in the Women’s Hall of Fame for her leadership in the global women’s movement. Helen and Harville have been married for over 30 years, have six children, and reside in Dallas, Texas. LISTEN TO THE EPISODE TO LEARN ABOUT: Why we fall in love and what happens in the partnering process. What drives us and compels us towards particular people. What is going on in the brain when we partner in a love relationship. How childhood experiences impact our relational needs. “Your unconscious mind is experiencing and connecting with a person in adulthood who is similar to the caretakers you had in childhood, and that activates the hope and possibility that you will get those needs met.” • How couples can shift their relationship dynamics. • When there is conflict how to understand what unconscious patterns might be involved, and a valuable tool to help identify and assist in shifting these unconscious patterns.“The formula embedded in your frustration with your partner is a wish in disguise, in that it is an unexpressed desire.” • How to engage in a dialogue process with your partner to increase understanding, empathy, and connection. • What the term Zero Negativity means. • Why negativity is one of the worst things you can do in relationship.“The primary commitment is to reconnect as quickly as possible so our brains don’t become habituated to a disconnected state.” • Important advice about what is most important to making relationships successful. MENTIONED: • The Space Between: The Point of Connection  (book) • Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition  (book) • Making Marriage Simple: Ten Relationship-Saving Truths  (book) • Harville & Helen (website) • Relationships First (website) • The Gottman Institute (website) • Dr. Sue Johnson (website) • Dr. Dan Siegel (website) • Dr. Stephen Porges (website) TRANSCRIPT:Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 138: The Most Critical Ingredient For Relationship Success, With Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt [TRANSCRIPT] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!  If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or doing relationship coaching work with me.

Self-care. What does that even mean? I called the expert: Cheryl Richardson. She's written several New York Times bestsellers and I owe her credit for helping me cultivate new thinking whenever I needed it. When I was most scared, I'd call Cheryl. And she'd say, "Your best thinking got you here, (to the worst situation of your life, to your complete bottom), so you probably need the thinking of somebody else." She's always been right.    Show Notes: "Waking Up in Winter: In Search of What Really Matters at Midlife" by Cheryl Richardson "The Art of Extreme Self Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time" by Cheryl Richardson "Take Time for Your Life: A Personal Coach's 7-Step Program for Creating the Life You Want" by Cheryl Richardson "Life Makeovers: 52 Practical & Inspiring Ways to Improve Your Life One Week at a Time" by Cheryl Richardson "Choose Yourself" by James Altucher "The Power of No" by James Altucher Hay House Publishing - Cheryl's first publisher "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay Launchpad Venture Group - where Cheryl does her angel investing "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix "The Secret of the Ages" by Robert Collier   I write about all my podcasts! Check out the full post and learn what I learned at jamesaltucher.com/podcast.   Thanks so much for listening! If you like this episode, please subscribe to "The James Altucher Show" and rate and review wherever you get your podcasts: Apple Podcasts Stitcher iHeart Radio Spotify   Follow me on Social Media: Twitter Facebook Linkedin Instagram   ------------What do YOU think of the show? Head to JamesAltucherShow.com/listeners and fill out a short survey that will help us better tailor the podcast to our audience!Are you interested in getting direct answers from James about your question on a podcast? Go to JamesAltucherShow.com/AskAltucher and send in your questions to be answered on the air!------------Visit Notepd.com to read our idea lists & sign up to create your own!My new book, Skip the Line, is out! Make sure you get a copy wherever books are sold!Join the You Should Run for President 2.0 Facebook Group, where we discuss why you should run for President.I write about all my podcasts! Check out the full post and learn what I learned at jamesaltuchershow.com------------Thank you so much for listening! If you like this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe to "The James Altucher Show" wherever you get your podcasts: Apple PodcastsiHeart RadioSpotifyFollow me on social media:YouTubeTwitterFacebookLinkedIn

Self-care. What does that even mean? I called the expert: Cheryl Richardson. She’s written several New York Times bestsellers and I owe her credit for helping me cultivate new thinking whenever I needed it. When I was most scared, I’d call Cheryl. And she’d say, “Your best thinking got you here, (to the worst situation of your life, to your complete bottom), so you probably need the thinking of somebody else.” She’s always been right.  Show Notes: “Waking Up in Winter: In Search of What Really Matters at Midlife” by Cheryl Richardson “The Art of Extreme Self Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time” by Cheryl Richardson “Take Time for Your Life: A Personal Coach’s 7-Step Program for Creating the Life You Want” by Cheryl Richardson “Life Makeovers: 52 Practical & Inspiring Ways to Improve Your Life One Week at a Time” by Cheryl Richardson “Choose Yourself” by James Altucher “The Power of No” by James Altucher Hay House Publishing - Cheryl’s first publisher “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay Launchpad Venture Group - where Cheryl does her angel investing “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples” by Harville Hendrix “The Secret of the Ages” by Robert Collier I write about all my podcasts! Check out the full post and learn what I learned at jamesaltucher.com/podcast. Thanks so much for listening! If you like this episode, please subscribe to “The James Altucher Show” and rate and review wherever you get your podcasts: Apple Podcasts Stitcher iHeart Radio Spotify Follow me on Social Media: Twitter Facebook Linkedin Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Summary: We chat a lot about productivity and time management and boundaries and all sorts of other things that help with one of the biggest problems that working parents have: not having enough time.  And I love talking about this stuff because I know it really is one of the biggest struggles modern working families face – trying to fit everything into their busy lives.  And I have 20 years of experience in the project management field, so I’m happy to chat about this as much as I can. But I’ve spent over two decades completely immersed in studying the various elements of healthy committed relationships.  This is a topic that I’ve been obsessed with for most of my life.  I’ve read as many books as I could get my hands on.  I’ve had countless conversations with people who are genuinely happy in their relationships.  I even went to grad school to get my Master’s degree in this subject.  And it also seems to be an area that lends itself to either a lot of joy as a working parent if you and your partner are working as a team, or on the flip side, a lot of frustration and overwhelm if things aren’t going well in your relationship. I think I’ve mentioned this at some point in a past episode, but my parents got divorced when I was 5 years old, and were both remarried by the time I was 10.  While I adjusted and learned to adapt to my new life as a child, I can look back and see the long-term effects of being raised in a blended family.  For a long time, I didn’t even think I wanted to get married myself because I just couldn’t understand how I could possibly make it work.  I didn’t have all that many positive role models for a functional marriage.  Of course, I agree that there are times when it’s best for the whole family if a couple gets divorced, and I’m sure that’s true in my situation.  But it didn’t make my life any easier, and I had a lot of relationship drama throughout most of my life as a direct result of my early life experiences. But after years and years of learning about relationships, and applying what I learned to my own relationships, and then meeting my awesome husband Joey and building my own family with him, I’ve discovered that there are a lot of different things that you can do to build and maintain a healthy and happy relationship with your spouse, even when you have kids and a busy career. But what I also learned after we had kids was that even the most solid and stable relationships can be rocked when you’re dealing with the realities of being a working parent.  There are a LOT of stressors that come up when you’re trying to juggle so many important things, and we’re living in hyper-speed these days.  There’s not a lot of time to mindfully resolve the issues that come up for us with our partner. And in both situations, whether you’re happy and solid as a couple, or whether you’re struggling in your marriage, they both tend to come down to how you manage conflict. This is the one of the main reasons I started the Working Parent Resource.  Helping working parents strengthen their relationships and build a stable home environment for their kids without giving up who they are as individuals is really important to me.  The busier we get, the harder it is to make our marriage a priority.  And the longer we wait to resolve both the big issues and the little ones, the more conceivable it is that our marriage won’t stand up to the stress. I know so many of you feel exhausted and stressed out, and many people attribute that to not having enough time, which is totally valid so that’s why we talk a lot about that.  But when I talk about blending the different aspects of your lives in a sustainable way as a busy working parent, I have one goal in mind: to help you acquire the tools you need to stay happy and fulfilled in your personal life without sacrificing your professional life so the foundation of your family is less likely to crumble beneath you.  I guess in my own little way, it’s my attempt to protect other kids out there from the fear and sadness that I felt growing up as a child.  I want to help as many people as I can avoid the destruction that can happen to a family when you don’t have the tools to manage the conflict that inevitably arises in a marriage when you have young kids. So with that said, today we’re going to talk about the three stages of conflict you may find yourself experiencing in your marriage, and some practical things you can do to begin managing and resolving that conflict in a healthy way.  I don’t just want to help you avoid an unhappy marriage or divorce… I want to give you the resources you need to build a solid foundation for a connected and engaged relationship that will persist through these challenging early years. Show Notes:  http://workingparentresource.com/36 Resources & Links Mentioned in this Episode: The Gottman Institute The 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, Ph.D and Nan Silver Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, and How to Make Yours Last by John Gottman, Ph.D. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. Marriage and Relationships Resources Working Parent Resource Burnout Assessment Working Parent Resource Burnout Training Working Parent Resource Website Working Parent Resource Facebook Community About the Working Parent Resource: The Working Parent Resource is dedicated to helping ambitious working parents acquire the information, insights, and tools they need to create a more intentional and fulfilling life that reflects their deepest values and priorities.  Sarah Argenal, the host of the Working Parent Resource Podcast, has her Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy and Adult Development, and is a Certified Professional Coach with over 15 years of experience in counseling, coaching, teaching, course development, and project management. You can access episode Show Notes and learn more about the Working Parent Resource at http://WorkingParentResource.com. Join the Conversation! Leave your comments about the show, offer suggestions for upcoming show topics, or let us know what we can be doing better!  We’d love to hear from you over in our free Facebook community at: http://WorkingParentResource.com/Community. Sponsor: This show was sponsored by the Working Parent Resource.  We offer a carefully curated archive of Resources, a diverse suite of coaching opportunities, corporate packages, a robust online community, and much more.  Check it out here:  http://WorkingParentResource.com. Reminders: Don’t forget to subscribe to our show on iTunes to be notified when a new episode is published.  Please leave an honest rating and review as well.  Ratings and reviews are extremely important and greatly appreciated!  They do matter in ranking the show, and I read each and every one of them.     The post “WPR036: How to Manage Different Stages of Conflict in Your Marriage” appeared first on WorkingParentResource.com.  

www.HeardNOTSeen.com With Rebekah Freedom. Visit www.RebekahFreedom.com to contact Rebekah. Rebekah on Elephant Journal / Rebekah on SoundCloud / Rebekah Freedom facebook page / Rebekah on Instagram / Schedule with Rebekah Explicit Topics This episode is just 3-days before her self-committed “no talky, no contact” period until the 9th. What to do? What happens to you happens for you. It’s the “shoe in the dryer stage.” Naropa Institute. Somatic Therapy. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Access Consciousness Bar Therapy. Reading from Breakup Rehab - Let Go and Forgive. Book your free consultation with Rebekah Freedom now: Schedule Now More of Rebekah on Alternative Health Tools podcast: Addiction Counseling Transform Now - AHT046 Breakup Rehab Start Over Stronger - AHT047 Choosing Love – AHT048

Dr. Azita Nahai is a Kundalini Yogi, speaker and therapist. She is the founder of Trauma to Dharma™ ~an experiential method that integrates a holistic mind-body-spirit approach to healing trauma and transforming one’s pain into purpose. As a domestic abuse survivor turned thriver Dr. Nahai experienced a piece missing in her own recovery, and so, she created it. Her decades of research support the use of Kundalini yoga and meditation as a valuable therapeutic modality in post-traumatic growth. As a trauma specialist, she is fueled by her passion to awaken and empower others to become conscious and active participants in their own healing. Dr. Nahai’s anticipated Trauma to Dharma™ book launches in Winter 2017. Guiding Principle, Quote or Mantra Don’t waste a good trigger.  Your partnerships are mine fields of triggers and they are their for a reason. When You Tripped Up Azita lost herself in an abusive relationship for six years in her early 20’s. She was looking for anything and anyone to fill an emptiness that she felt inside.  She was struggling with her own pain from childhood and found a bigger pain to focus on in this abusive relationship. Azita started to lose herself in order to accommodate someone else. She would do anything to seek approval even if it meant she went completely unseen. She needed to lose herself in order to find herself. The “DUH” moment that changed your partnerships forever  Azita’s ‘DUH” moment happened when she was going through her immigration interview to become a U.S. citizen.  The immigration officer called her out on a period of her life where she essentially went missing. This was the time that Azita was away at treatment and completely off the map and in hiding. Her defenses started to come up and she wanted to armor up. But instead she took a breath and told the officer the truth. And the woman said “me too.” This moment has informed Azita’s life. The realization that we’re not meant to go through this life alone was a huge breakthrough for her. What is the best partnership / relationship advice you have ever received? Whenever we come to a place of disagreement, go on a silent meditative walk with your partner. Don’t speak. Go outside. No talking, just walking. This will help you to move the energy/emotions. Best Partnership Resource (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805087001/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0805087001&linkCode=as2&tag=speakofpartn-20&linkId=1378baab4c63643614af603f0cd55d24) Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805087001/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0805087001&linkCode=as2&tag=speakofpartn-20&linkId=eae3a5cac056f57533b0f445052b8636) The Payoff of Partnership With her husband, Ricardo, Azita is learning how to master the highest form of yoga - marriage. Having to hold a hard pose and continuing to hold it and knowing you can do it. Being able to have the soulful partner that Ricardo is, required her to accept and receive what she actually knew she deserved. And by accepting this, she ended up getting a whole lot more. She actually got a twofer, because he is not only her life partner, but also her business partner. Interview Links - Azita's website (http://azitanahai.com) Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/AzitaNahaiPhd/) Twitter (http://twitter.com/AzitaNahai) Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/azitanahai/) (https://speakingofpartnership.com/145-dr-azita-nahai/)

Dr. Kort is a leading expert on sex and relationships.  He specializes in Out-of-Control Sexual Behaviors (OCSB)/“sex addiction”, Relationship Problems & Marital Conflict, Sex Therapy, Sexual Identity Concerns, Depression, Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  He has authored 4 books and his latest book is, "Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi: A Guide for Women Concerned About Their Men. Guiding Principle, Quote or Mantra With the small boy that you once were, look up to the man you’ve become. When You Tripped Up It is the story of the turtle and the hail storm.  You’re going to love this analogy. How did you find balance in your partnership so you were not loosing you? Joe had to learn how to talk with his husband differently. And it took a lot of work and it is ongoing work.  The “DUH” moment that changed your partnerships forever  Joe’s DUH moment was the day he realized that his husband has high-functioning Asperger’s Syndrome. He was watching a movie called Adam (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0030Y12FU/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0030Y12FU&linkCode=as2&tag=speakofpartn-20&linkId=6fa96e7babc7c28e50a813878176ff41)  about an adult male with Asperger’s and then the Big Bang Theory came out and the character Sheldon clearly has Asperger’s and it became clear to him. He realized that probably 50% of their fights were because their brains work differently. Once he realize how hard Mike tries to be in a relationship, Joe was able to calm down about things that used to frustrate him. And it has been a very different marriage since then. Way better! Proudest moment in partnership Being two gay men who got married before it was even talked about and that Mike was equally invested in having a legal kinship with Joe and being out and proud of their relationship together is definitely that moment. This was not a political statement. It was a humanistic statement. Current partnership that has you excited That he and Mike now resolve arguments instead of just getting past it. What is the best partnership / relationship advice you have ever received? Do unto your partner as they want to be done unto them. Best Partnership Book (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805087001/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0805087001&linkCode=as2&tag=speakofpartn-20&linkId=ec055e0dbf8972f091957ce6c76d8b64) Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805087001/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0805087001&linkCode=as2&tag=speakofpartn-20&linkId=ffe6dc9df50cfcf092cacfe84ebb6a2c) The Payoff of Partnership Joe’s husband really taught him how to be flexible. And how much Joe can be relational and have a relationship. And not just leaving when things got hard. Mike’s ability to stay calm when Joe is not, allowed him to ride out a lot of storms. Mike taught him that it was safe to stay. Interview Links - Joe's website (https://www.joekort.com/) Email (mailto:joekort@joekort.com) Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/joekort/) (https://speakingofpartnership.com/134-joe-kort/)

Effective communication is the foundation of every strong relationship, yet so many of us struggle to truly be heard and understood. Renowned relationship experts and authors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt return to share their groundbreaking insights on how dialogue can transform the way we connect. Drawing from their latest book, How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations, they break down the power of Imago Dialogue, the role of safety in communication, and why curiosity is the key to bridging differences. From deepening intimacy in romantic relationships to fostering understanding in a divided world, this conversation is packed with powerful tools to help you listen, connect, and create lasting change in the way you relate to others. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally respected as couple's therapists, educators, speakers, activists, and New York Times bestselling authors, their 10 books, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Helen was installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. They have six children and eight grandchildren. —Harville & Helen's Previous Episode: https://markgroves.com/episode/the-couple-who-changed-how-i-relate-lessons-from-the-godparents-of-love/  —Harville & Helen's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/  —Harville & Helen's Website: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ —Harville & Helen's Website | Safe Conversations: https://quantumconnections.com  —Harville & Helen's Website | Imago Relationship: https://imagorelationships.org/  —Harville & Helen's Book: How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/how-to-talk-with-anyone-about-anything/  Resources: — Deepen your connections and spark meaningful conversations with the Create The Love card deck — designed to inspire self-reflection, vulnerability, and deeper intimacy in your relationships. https://createthelove.com/getcards  —Ready to transform your relationships? Download The Relationship Toolkit for free and learn the 5 essential skills to thrive in love and life! https://go.markgroves.com/relationship-toolkit-podcast   —Ready to stop chasing emotionally unavailable people? Download your free guide to break the cycle and call in the relationship you crave: https://go.markgroves.com/unavailable-people-opt-in-podcast  —Learn the connection between Attachment Styles, how it affects the Nervous System, AND how you can heal it: .https://go.markgroves.com/nervous-system-opt-in-podcast  If you want to dive deeper into Mark's content, search through every episode, find specific topics we've covered, and ask him questions, go to his Dexa page: https://ask.markgroves.com This episode is sponsored by: —Cozy Earth: Use code MARK for 40% off sitewide at http://www.cozyearth.com —IIN: Use code MARKGROVES20 for 20% off ALL courses from IIN & Chopra at http://bit.ly/MARKIIN —Mighty Networks: Go to http://www.markgroves.com/mightynetworks to learn how you can create your own community! Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello!

Critical thinking is an essential skill in today's divided world and in this conversation with educator and podcaster, Will Reusch, we explore why it's more important than ever. Will shares insights from his years of teaching – discussing the challenges of encouraging students to think critically about complex topics instead of passively accepting dominant narratives. We dive into controversial subjects like left-right dynamics, Trans rights, and the role of social media in shaping perspectives – highlighting how echo chambers and ideological capture fracture communities. Will's mission to create safe spaces for open dialogue and his upcoming initiative, Patterdox, are central to fostering curiosity and empathy in our increasingly polarized society. William Reusch has taught high school social studies in Los Angeles for nearly two decades in several schools that served very diverse populations.  He is a University of Austin Mill Institute Teacher Fellow, has worked with organizations like Heterodox Academy, FAIR (Foundation Against Intolerance & Racism), Civic Spirit, and others in his pursuit to bring critical thinking to the world of K-12 & high school education.  He is the host of the Cylinder Radio podcast and has expanded his educational reach to utilize social media as a way to promote viewpoint diversity and intellectual inquiry.  William is now the founder and lead teacher of the educational platform Patterdox to serve homeschool communities as well as offer supplemental education for all teenagers in the area of social science.  —Will's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willreusch  —Will's Website: https://williamreusch.com/  —Patterdox: https://patterdox.com/  —Will's Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cylinder-radio/id1448662116  Resources From The Episode: —Julia Malott Podcast Episode: Transgender Politics and Gender Dysphoria: https://markgroves.com/episode/transgender-politics-and-gender-dysphoria-with-julia-malott/ —Harville and Helen's Podcast Episode: The Couple Who Changed How I Relate: Lessons from the Godparents of Love: https://markgroves.com/episode/the-couple-who-changed-how-i-relate-lessons-from-the-godparents-of-love/ —Harville and Helen's Book: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: https://amzn.to/4bPqOuK —Michael Easter Podcast Episodes: From Scarcity to Intentionality: https://markgroves.com/episode/from-scarcity-to-intentionality-with-michael-easter/ & Why We Need Discomfort To Thrive: https://markgroves.com/episode/why-we-need-discomfort-to-thrive-with-michael-easter/ If you want to dive deeper into Mark's content, search through every episode, find specific topics we've covered, and ask him questions, go to his Dexa page: https://dexa.ai/markgroves Themes: Critical Thinking Skills, Will Reusch Podcast, Viewpoint Diversity, Education Reform 2024, Overcoming Political Divides, Left vs Right Debate, Breaking Echo Chambers, Ideological Capture Explained, Open Dialogue in Education, Fostering Curiosity in Students, Social Media Echo Chambers, Political Polarization Solutions, Free Speech in Classrooms, Empathy in Education, Imago Dialogue Model, Patterdox Critical Thinking, Bridging Political Differences, Thought-Provoking Conversations, How to Encourage Critical Thinking This episode is sponsored by: —BON CHARGE: Use code MARKGROVES to save 15% at http://boncharge.com/MARKGROVES —Organifi: Use code CREATETHELOVE for 20% off sitewide at http://www.organifi.com/createthelove Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello!

In this episode, I have the absolute honor of welcoming legendary relationship experts Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt. I had to pinch myself when I met them – it was a full circle moment for me. I found Harville and Helen's work at a time in my life when I was deeply confused about relationships. I didn't know why I was so good at talking about everything but my feelings. I didn't know why I chose the people I chose or was the way I was. Harville and Helen's work and their book gave me context to my personal relational patterns and a framework for relating better. In this episode, Harville and Helen discuss the transformative power of dialogue in relationships and the importance of curiosity and open-mindedness. We explore the complexities of emotional healing and self-awareness in relationships, the concept of unconscious attraction in romantic partnerships, and how childhood needs and experiences shape adult behaviors and relationships. Tune in for a profound conversation that will surely impact the way you relate in your life moving forward. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally respected as couple's therapists, educators, speakers, activists, and New York Times bestselling authors, their 10 books, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Helen was installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. They have six children and eight grandchildren. —Harville & Helen's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/ —Harville & Helen's Website: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ —Harville & Helen's Website | Safe Conversations: https:/quantumconnections.com —Harville & Helen's Website | Imago Relationship: https://imagorelationships.org/ —Harville & Helen's Book: Getting the Love You Want: https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/getting-the-love-you-want/ —Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick: https://youtu.be/vmE3NfB_HhE?si=QivHWP9_jREexK3s&t=34 If you want to dive deeper into Mark's content, search through every episode, find specific topics we've covered, and ask him questions, go to his Dexa page: https://dexa.ai/markgroves Themes: Authenticity, Belonging, Breakups, Relationships, Boundaries, Self-Worth, Self-Love, Health, Codependency, Dating, Attachment Theory, Transformation, Conflict, Parenting, Mental Health, Dialogue, Curiosity, Childhood Experiences, Unconscious Attraction, Relationship Development, Self-Awareness, Self-Care, Collaboration This episode is sponsored by BON CHARGE: Use code MARKGROVES to save 15% at http://boncharge.com/MARKGROVES Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello!

Author, blogger, and podcaster, Amanda is the author of the recently released inspirational memoir, Trust Yourself to Be All In and is co-host of the Sol Rising podcast. In today's episode, we discuss grieving the death of the death of of her brother, building emotional intimacy with her husband, and learning to love herself by loving her inner child.Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix⬇️DAMN THE JOIN SHITSHOW - ADULT CHILD HEALING COMMUNITY⬇️https://theshitshow.mn.co✅ 4 weekly zoom support groups✅ Support community at your fingertips with discussion boards and chat