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Hosted by connie sokol
8 episodes with connie sokol
2 episodes with connie sokol
Connie Sokol is a national speaker, bestselling author, media personality, and mother of seven. She is a regular contributor on the top-rated lifestyle show Studio 5 with Brooke Walker (www.ksl.com/studio5).In addition to her own podcast, Purpose Filled Life, for the past three years Connie has interviewed 75 guests as host of Called to Create: An LDSPMA Podcast for nonprofit Latter-day Saints in Publishing, Media, and the Arts.Connie is a bestselling author who has written 17 books, including What Now?, 8 Ways to Deal with Life's Difficulties, Faithful Fit & Fabulous, and 40 Days with the Savior.She is the founder of the Balance reDefined programs, teaching women to live purposeful, organized, and joyful lives. Connie marinates in time spent with her family and eating decadent treats.conniesokol.cominstagram.com/connie_sokolfacebook.com/conniesokolauthorlinkedin.com/in/conniesokol
Seantae Jackson sits down with Connie Sokol, with Connie Sokol Enterprises out of Woodland Hills, Utah. You won't want to miss this episode! Stay tuned for more interviews coming this new season of Women Own It!
Today, I have the honor and privilege of interviewing Connie Sokol. Connie is a bestselling author with over 17 books, a national speaker, a media personality, a program founder AND a mother of seven children! Her passion is helping women live purposeful, organized, and joyful lives. Whether it's teaching core habits, getting meaningful work/life balance, or how to become an influential writer, speaker, and media personality, Connie loves to help other women find purpose and love their lives! Please leave me a review at www.ldsdivorce.com or your favorite podcast player.
If he can help students find joy in reading and writing by telling them the story of how he wore an eye patch in first grade and told classmates he was a pirate, then J. Scott Savage will do it. In this episode of “Called to Create: An LDSPMA Podcast” with host Connie Sokol, Scott shares insights garnered over decades of experience, telling how it took debt and two recessions for him to unearth his talent and become a popular writer of middle grade books. Now he travels all across the country inspiring youth and adults with the joy of reading.https://www.jscottsavage.comhttps://twitter.com/jscottsavage?lang=enhttps://www.instagram.com/jscottsavage/?hl=enhttps://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100057711893215
Connie Sokol is a national speaker, bestselling author, TV and podcast personality, and mother of seven. She is a regular contributor on “Studio 5 with Brooke Walker" and podcast host of Called to Create. She is the founder of Disciple Thought Leaders , and through leadership retreats she teaches women to find their purpose and fulfill it as influential speakers, writers, and a media presence for Him. Ms. Sokol is Vice President of the National Speakers Association for the Mountainwest Chapter. She also marinates in time spent with her family and eating decadent treats. For her retreats, leadership circle, podcasts, and more, go to www.conniesokol.com. Ready to find your purpose join the 5 Day FREE Challenge with Connie here https://conniesokol.com/5-day-purpose-challenge/ Points I loved from this episode: * Pray to make you sufficient for the tasks you have * Trust in Heavenly Father * You have a purpose!!
Honorable Sela Tukia, Tongan fan of popular 80s dance-pop band The Jets, sat down with host Connie Sokol for a delightful ten-minute interview about the faith and family values The Jets have brought to the music industry in the past and the new generation of Wolfgramm family musicians, 13 Crowns.Tonga Consulate General The Kingdom of Tonga 13 Crowns
What kind of a disciple do you want to be? This is a question I asked myself as I was searching for ways to find my purpose in Christ. And the phrase that really stuck with me is I really want to be a representative of Jesus Christ's ideals. And that is exactly what a Disciple Thought Leader is. If we are Disciple Thought Leaders, that means we are setting the tone, we are saying we're different. We are choosing to use our unique characteristics to fulfill our purpose…for Him. Enjoy this podcast where I get to be in the hot seat and get interviewed about this very thing.
Jennifer Nielsen is an accomplished New York Times bestselling author of young adult and children's fiction and a 2022 LDSPMA Conference keynote speaker. In this episode, she shares her failures and triumphs with her trademark optimism and encouragement for all who struggle to keep going when everything is going wrong. Tune in for this inspiring episode with our host, Connie Sokol. You'll be glad you did.Author websiteFacebookTwitter Instagram Goodreads Deseret BookAmazon
Twenty-five years ago, Laurel Day was a college graduate with a useless degree who felt called to move to Utah and work at Deseret Book. When a friend told her about a part-time position as an event specialist with Deseret Book, she applied for and got the job. Opportunity followed opportunity until she came to work under Sheri Dew, who became her mentor. Now president of Deseret Book, Laurel looks back on the unique experiences that helped prepare her to innovate a communication company during a difficult transition. In this engaging episode of “Called to Create: an LDSPMA Podcast” with host Connie Sokol, Laurel describes the need to gather Israel by creating content that represents the diverse voices and testimonies of members around the world.Deseret Book websiteDeseret Book submission guidelinesTime Out For WomenTime Out for Women on YouTubeLaurel's books
Cheryl Knowlton is a popular speaker brimming with enthusiasm for helping people in her profession learn the craft. She has won numerous awards, most notably the coveted Certified Speaking Professional designation from the National Speakers Association. As a 22-year veteran in the real estate and mortgage industry, Cheryl is a teacher, storyteller, author, and influencer. In this week's episode of the “Called to Create” podcast with Connie Sokol, Cheryl shares her heroic journey as a professional and as a daughter of God. “Create the life that invites the Holy Ghost,” she says. “Be the conduit for magic.”Email: cheryl@cherylknows.comWebpageFacebookInstagramTwitterCheryl's mentors: Michael Port's podcastMike Ganino's podcast
In this episode, Cheryl and Connie discuss: Purpose changes everything Staying true to your purpose Creating momentum towards success Sharing your message effectively Key Takeaways: Purpose changes everything. That's why you need to start with “why” and strive to always stay in your zone of genius in order to truly live a fulfilled life. Staying true to your purpose brings a feeling of peace - a knowledge that you are where you are exactly supposed to be. Avoid the “blingy” things that distract you from your purpose. Keep facing your fears, get it in the doing, and take the next right steps. That will lead from one thing to the other, creating momentum towards your success. In order to effectively share your message, you need to speak it, write it, and share it effectively in social media. “Purpose changes everything… Once you feel called, you're gonna do whatever it takes, you're going to scale the mountain… you're gonna learn the things that you don't even want to learn because you know this is what you want to do.” — Connie Sokol Connect with Connie Sokol: Website: https://conniesokol.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/connie_sokol/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sokolconnie/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ConnieSokol8 Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/conniesokol/ Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/balance-redefined-radio/id1422168856?mt=2 Books: https://conniesokol.com/books/ Get in Touch with Cheryl: Website: www.cherylknows.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwvWKXBC6fKn1dLGY11hxIg Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dynamiteproductionsinc LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cherylknowlton/ Show notes by Podcastologist: Justine Talla Audio production by Turnkey Podcast Productions. You're the expert. Your podcast will prove it.
Susan Easton Black's accomplishments range from becoming the first female professor of religion at Brigham Young University to writing 170 books, including President M. Russell Ballard's biography, to being a key partner on her pickleball team. Tune into her delightful conversation with our host, Connie Sokol. You'll be glad you did. Email: susan_black@byu.eduAmazonInstagram Susan & George: Devotional
Back for its 8th year! The annual conference of Latter-day Saints in Publishing, Media & the Arts (LDSPMA) is the best networking, learning, and professional development opportunity for all Latter-day Saint creatives. In this podcast bonus episode, our host, Connie Sokol, and her guests, Rachelle J. Christensen and Jen Brewer, share fun and life-changing conference experiences that have propelled their careers forward. Registration for the October 20 - 22 conference is open now! Choose virtual, in-person, or both! Early bird registration ends Saturday, April 30th.Register now! Jen Brewer Rachelle J. Christensen Host, Connie Sokol Dan Wells Rachelle's writing tips plus 7-Point Story Structure videos featuring Dan Wells
An experienced podcast host, Connie Sokol brings her trademark enthusiasm and positivity as the new host of the LDSPMA podcast Called to Create. She is a bestselling author, media personality, speaker, and devoted mother of seven children. Connie describes the Called to Create podcast as “part devotional, part scripture, part life experience, and part kitchen table chat.” With her expert guidance, podcast guests will share their successes and struggles as Latter-day Saint creatives, along with tips and tricks for navigating the journey of one who feels called to create.Rachel Christensen -Guest HostRachelle J. Christensen award - winning and bestselling author of over twenty books, was born and raised in a small farming town in Idaho. She graduated cum laude from Utah State University with a degree in psychology and a minor in music. She enjoys singing and songwriting, playing the piano, running, motivational speaking, and of course reading. Rachelle has an amazing husband, five cute kids, three cats, and dozens of chickens.
Motherhood is one of life's biggest milestones, but the truth is we're all just winging it! Speaker and author Connie Sokol shares her personal growth journey into motherhood, as she and Brooke discuss what it means to remain true to you.
Are you conscious of the words you are using.?When you notice you are using negative words,stop and think – What DO I want? Then change your words right away. Here are some other simple examples of ways you can change your words. ~~~Crazy -VS- exciting.~~~This person frustrates me. -VS- This person helps me to grow.~~~Cooking stresses me out. -VS- Cooking is a way to show love to my family.~~~There is always dirt on the floor from these boys! – VS – I am grateful for healthy boys that like to play outside.Choose to say and focus on what You DO want! In todays episode, I share 2 simple, yet powerful experiences of how changing my words completely shifted my perspective and help you harness the power of changing your words!Show Notes:http://sheridanripley.com/crazy-versus-exciting-the-power-of-words-can-change-everything/Links I mentioned:Connie Sokol's Retreat - https://conniesokol.vipmembervault.com/products/courses/view/26My newsletter - http://sheridanripley.com/about-me/enjoy-life-newsletter/Follow me on Instagram @powerupyourprayersSupport the show (https://paypal.me/EnjoyBirth)
Have you ever gotten sucked into the "Less-Than" Vortex? It’s Connie Sokol, and today I have a major vulnerability and life rant to share.
Wondering what your true calling in life is? Join Master speaker and author Connie Sokol and Heidi as they discuss how to find your true calling and the fulfillment and happiness it brings. The original SheRise podcast interview done by Heidi can be found here: https://anchor.fm/sherisecenter/episodes/Rising-up-in-your-life-calling-ehjoio
Wondering what your true calling in life is? Join Master speaker and author Connie Sokol and Heidi as they discuss how to find your true calling and the fulfillment and happiness it brings.
In this episode #061 - “Is Marital Intimacy Still a Question Mark?” - learn about the top issues for women regarding marital intimacy, what holds women back from wanting and fully enjoying intimacy, and how women can make things better in their marriages. Laura joins Connie Sokol on the “Balance reDefined” radio show to help women recognize and work through the intimacy issues they face in their marriages. Resources mentioned: Book – Knowing HER Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage Handout - Knowing HER Intimately– 12 Essential Ingredients for a Sextraordinary Marriage (OVERVIEW) – (see MaritalIntimacyInstitute.com | Resources Page) Workshop – “Sexual Wholeness Workshop for Women” (Sep 19, 2020) – (see StrengtheningMarriage.com| Events Page) You can find Laura on Instagram or Facebook (@StrengtheningMarriage) and check out her websites: StrengtheningMarriage.com MaritalIntimacyInstitute.com TheMaritalIntimacyShow.com - “The Marital Intimacy Show” podcast website
Connie Sokol tells us how to make life shifts, Jeanette Bennett and Ganel-Lyn Condie discuss women supporting women, Rob Ferre gives advice for being a good wedding guest, Carrie Ann Rhodes talks about celebrating Independence Day, Joel Jacobs discusses the latest in tech for disabled people.
[00:00] Hi, I'm Connie Sokol, a national speaker, bestselling author, program founder and Mother of seven and loving it. I'm reaching and teaching 1 million listeners to live a purposeful, organized, and joyful life. You can too. So let's go. [00:16] Welcome back to Balance Redefined. It's Connie Sokol and today I have a major vulnerability and live rant to share. Okay, I don't usually share these kinds of experiences, but today this one is literally one of those for the books that I just think how in the world that that happened to me. 'kay. So let me explain what happened. So I have a dear friend who we kind of touch base now and then and I love what she does. She's always helping women and she's just so upbeat and so wonderful and just kind of in a lower limelight way, she doesn't like, you know, parade it around and stuff, but she's got a very active blog and she's just wonderful. [00:55] Anyway she's just a great lady. And I happened to see on this, um, it was either a post was that post or newsletter thing. Anyway, I click to it, but it said, hey, I was featured in this magazine. I couldn't even believe it and or this online article, and it was about spotlighting women who really crushed it in 2018 and I was like, yes, she is finally getting her Kudos. Not that she needed them, not that she was looking for them, but I was so happy and I wanted to read more about it and I was so excited for her, but thinking maybe we should go do lunch and I can like take her lunch. Okay, so little side note here before I share what happened next. You know, if you know anything about me and you've listened to any of my podcasts, you know that I love good women, I love them, they do amazing things and I am, my whole life's work is helping women and families, helping them to find their purpose and fulfill it. [01:43] Helping them to get those organization systems in their life so they can actually spend more time doing the things they want to do. Getting that joy woven in and through and around their lives while they're doing it. Being the one that's, you know, massaging their shoulders and telling them you're doing awesome and you got this and you're amazing. And helping them to hold up a beautiful mirror and say, can you see the good that you are doing? Okay, this is me. Okay. Like I've actually been told I am a woman's cheerleader. Okay. Breathless proving. I just want you to know like this is the thing, it's clearly official with even like a pseudo title that I love to celebrate fabulous women. Have I established that clearly enough? Okay, so this does not diminish me at all when I am celebrating such said women. Okay, so back to this little online articles. [02:25] So I start reading this article and I'm smiling, I'm filled with joy and buttercups and then it hits me. It is by woman number five to have like 20 women they're spotlighting by woman. Number five, I start feeling this wave of Yuck, like I was in fact a total complete loser. Like not just your usual. Wow, they're amazing. And I'm not, not that, but it was this overwhelming your're so in caps lame. You don't know what you're doing. You don't even know tech at all. And by the way, what did you do in 2018 like these thoughts, I cannot express to you how strongly, how clearly they were playing in my mind and they felt so real. You know those moments where like in one instant you went from feeling healthy and disciplined and spiritually in tune and loving and wow, let's rock this day. Let's rock this year to suddenly like, where's my ritter chocolate bar? [03:22] Were, did I stash those Christmas cookies? You know what I'm saying? Like really it was night and day and I started going to this, well who needs a workout? And Yeah, you know, I could be sleeping this year, so who needs this? Oh, it was terrible. I cannot even express the reality of this feeling. It was so strong and yeah. Okay. So I have these kinds of feelings, not to this depth, but I have these kinds of feelings, you know about every three months when we're rolling out a new project, like we're rolling out a new program and I'm all like, you know, hyperventilating, all the different details that have to be taken care of him. He could sure this is just so, and it was, you know, it's all those, those feelings of the potential. What if people don't really think it's worth it and it's worthwhile. [04:02] Even though I have all the stats to prove and the Beta testing and all that, you know that idiosyncrasy kind of low self esteem thing that you kind of go through in this little cyclical process, man, say that five times fast. But you know how you can go through those kind of cycles and, and you kind of, it's expected and you go, okay, I know what this is. It's like that neighborhood stray dog that annoys the tar out of you, but it comes around every couple of weeks and you're like, ah. And then you go, you know what, okay, I'm just going to give them a little bone thing and then he'll go and he'll go off to the next neighbors, make the rounds and he'll be back in three weeks. Okay, it's fine. So with kind of like that, but no, this time it was really, really strong. [04:38] So I just want you to know it was, it was one of those crazy moments that I'm just like, I don't even know what I can do with this. I don't know what to do with it. And I was only just becoming aware that I was feeling this and that wasn't real because then the next thought that came, thankfully this next thought kind of came through and pierced that dark cloud and it gave me this thought of, "yes, let us look at what you did this last year, shall we?" And it was the soft, sweet kind of thought and then like a ticker tape going right through my mind. I start seeing super fast, all the things that I had done in this last year. Okay, let me just give you, this is not like, Whoa, listen to me. I'm telling you for a point, so stay with me. [05:19] Okay, so while raising four children at home, 'kay in three different schools, mind you and getting another one ready for other things, for future endeavors, right? Keeping my focus on family first, which is a huge job right there. 'kay. In the business side, I rebranded my entire business new website pictures. Do you know the choreography for trying to do pictures alone and do them in just one hour? Yeah. Do new systems and set up. I created an Interfaith Women's Conference with, they said it wouldn't even work and we had 600 attendees. Then we even did a mini conference followup version, so it was more intimate and that sold out and created a nonprofit organization from it because it was unbelievably wonderful and then an incredible board of amazing women, diverse, successful, incredible women from our community and then created a lifelong dream of my 12 week online program. [06:10] Started a new podcast and hired a new amazing core team for my business and company. Okay. That's just on the business side. [06:17] Okay, so let's see about the personal side, shall we? Yeah, Hashtag who you call him a loser. Okay. So successfully helped my children flourish through post divorce with some coping skills that were incredible and useful with beautiful experiences doing their homework and life help and the Mama, I'm right here for you love and keeping it together personally during all of this. Okay. Most days. And then helped my daughter graduate from high school with honors. 'Kay. Honestly, she did most of the work, but I was there for those tiers and moments. Okay. I'm just saying secure scholarships and then get college acceptance to her top three schools. Right. Helped her create and then fulfill this Nanning experience in France, which was incredible. And then helped her prepare for a church mission call, which she wanted to do and she received at to France Leone. [07:05] Okay. Can have to go pick her up afterwards yet did I mentioned that, but did I mention during all of these things? I also put meals on a table four nights a week, maybe five 'kay because there's the weekend we have to do Costa Vida, sorry, and no salesy thing. Through endless errands, dance competitions, reading in the classroom at all. Do I make my point? And in the midst of this successfully dealt with being evacuated from our home for the number one fire in the nation and handled it all without chocolate or binge watching anything. Okay. People, there has to be some kind of an award for this. All right? And then wrapping it all up, took my children to serve at a child's hope orphanage in Mexico. Even driving there and back as a single mom, 10 to 15 hours each way and working all things to make it a beautiful life changing experience despite occasional complaints. [07:57] Okay, I ask you, does that sound like I did nothing in 2018 hmm? Now this is not about, oh, who can top who and how much can I do in a year? I'm talking about this little voice that we allow in our heads as women. I want to remind you that I share this for one reason and one reason only. That in that soul debilitating moment of loser feeling, I literally believed I had done nothing of value this past year. What the, hey, how is it possible that especially that I teach women coping skills for this stuff, that I could let this happen. I got sucked in people. I got sucked into the less than Vortex Oh, how did I let that happen? And guess what? It took less than five minutes. Yeah. After all that I did in 2018 all that goes behind those sentences. You know what I'm talking about? [08:56] I still let that happen to me in less than five minutes. What? Ooh, did I come back like a fighting Xena warrior. I'm telling you once I realized it, and you know when you get that moment where you're like, oh no, you did not. You didn't. Not Today, because I was like, that's it. I am not going to go into that whole vortex of, oh, she's so much better than me and I don't do anything. Oh, my life is is nothing. And where's the chips? Right? Which is what we end up doing. So my point today is ladies not, oh, just don't go into the vortex. No, no, no. My point is be prepared for it because it will come, it will come. And that was my downfall is that I thought in my pride, I thought, Hey, I've been teaching this for 20 years and I have my moments. [09:46] I have my little soft moment and I have those really downtimes now and then, but you know, I get back up and I know what's coming, uh, did not even see this blindsided. So I want you to know that even if you're the most amazing woman on the planet, which you likely are, you are going to have those sneaky unsuspecting moments that hit you like a ton of chocolate bricks. And you will feel less than a loser. Like, why bother? What I do doesn't matter. Everyone else has it together kind of feeling right? And it's going to seem so real. So do not get sucked in. How? Ma of course you know what's going to come. I'm going to give you some tips. That's right because I had to use them myself so they worked and so I'm going to share them because that's my go to motto. [10:28] If I do something and it works, I'm going to share it because I want to see what worked for you because I'm gonna sure try it one of these days cause mine's not going to work next time maybe. All right, so try some of these. [10:37] Number one, stop doing what you're doing. Do whatever it is. I was on the social media thing. I was on the online magazine that I was reading. Just stop it. Then say shout, stomp out loud. I am a daughter of God. Now if you have other divine influence or the universe or other divine feeling as you know, I always say just insert it. I am loved and I am of infinite worth. And then if it feels real good, you can add so back off. Right. Cause that helps too. That's number one. Does do that. Number one. And what that does is tell that little voice and whatever influence is trying to bother you, it just tells it ach ach ach not today. [11:15] No, I'm aware. I know what's going on and know the number two go back to truth, go back to truth. What you know to be true. Pray from your gut to God or whoever it is that you feel is that divine influence. Read scriptures, talk with a wise friend, do whatever it takes for you to get to a truthful place and see that feeling, that feeling of going back to truth will already start giving you that happy, peaceful place. That not that competitive feeling, not that discouragement any of those competitiveness, discouragement, doubt. And I'm in competitiveness in a, in a way that makes you feel like I'm going to rip their eyes off because I better than are I am totally a winner and they're a loser. When that kind of competitive, no, that is not what we want. So go back to truth. [12:00] Number three. List what you have done and who you have become. This is not about proving your value. Do not mistake what I am doing here. This is not listing it off and checking in and saying, Oh look, I did 10 beautiful things this last year so I have value and worth. No, this is to do what is one of the most frequent commandments in scripture, which is, you know, this one, remember there's ask and then there's remember, remember, why does he ask us to remember? Because we forget and in that five minutes, I forgot a whole 12 months worth. Okay. As a mother of seven, that's not too hard to believe, but I did. I forgot. Can you imagine? Yeah, you probably can, right? You're done there. If you've had children's especially, but we're to remember, we're to remember who we are and what we've experienced and what we are yet to do to fulfill our personal purpose, to help others that fill their personal purpose. [12:55] So as we remember, we get back to that truth. We remember that truth. We'd soak in that truth. We, it's delicious too. As we chew on that truth and it becomes a part of us because we know that that is the truth. When I was able to list those things out, I could feel in my soul and no, this is actually what is true, not the first voice that was in my head. Okay. [13:16] Number four, express gratitude. Okay. You're probably going, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. If I read one more thing and listen on one more thing that says gratitude. Yeah, but guess what? It works. Yeah. It's here to stay. Just start. No rhyme or reason or you've got to have some cool little thing or app or you got to have something that's, you know, I do three or things are 22 things in one minute or whatever. [13:36] No, just express gratitude for the people or the experiences or things. Things are wonderful. Hilarides, mundanity of life, whatever it is that comes to your mind kind of stuff. It doesn't matter. This makes all the difference. And I did that too. I did that and I was able to start doing gratitude. And you know what? And the beautiful thing, and you'll see this when you go through these moments and you use these tips and tactics, you fight back. Then you start putting it into your life all the time and it's like, Ooh, this is a twofer. This is a bonus. Okay, I'm so glad this happened because now I remembered how important it was for me to do my gratitude minutes, not just every day, but throughout the day. So now I'm doing in the morning, I'm doing the afternoon, I'm doing the evening. So now I'm not just waiting till night for me to do my gratitude journal. [14:22] I am having a focus, concentrated moments of gratitude throughout the day and I got to tell you, it is fabulous and not inconsequentially. I have not had one more of those moments of the voices in my head attacking me since I've been doing that. So I gotta tell ya it works. [14:40] And number five, do a really, really long podcast or her really long ranty kind of post and you will feel much better. All right? Hopefully you will be able to feel and know from I shared that you can handle when this happens. You can go to the edge of that Vortex, but you don't have to get sucked in. You might be there before you realize it, but you don't have to get sucked in. And I think it's fantastic that we can do something about it. So I want you to know that. Now I want to leave you with one final thought to rule them all because this is so important. [15:11] As I was sitting there and thinking of these things, these other thoughts led up to this one final thought, but the thoughts that started coming to me where, oh my gosh, you know what? All women are doing so amazingly. Really, even when we go, oh, you know, she's not doing great, or I wasn't doing great last year, but I'm doing better now even when we don't think we're doing great. We are. We get up, we breathe and we keep our kids alive, right? I mean there's an award for that somewhere, I'm sure too. So I just want you to know you are doing what matters most and you are valued. You are a woman of incredible divine, an infinite worth. You must remember this, every single bit of drool of diapers of dishes and that drama that you deal with matters and it makes your family and this world a better place. [16:00] I promise you never ever doubt that. And just because society or a family member or neighbor makes you feel that your family and this world doesn't really do anything or that you're not very helpful or that you're not amazing as you should be, or you don't get a thousand likes, you don't get a million subscribers or that you, you don't do things that are of value, do not get sucked in because you can with your wisdom and your steadiness and your focus on truth. You can move forward each day and with love, with laughter and with light. You can do this with those focuses and those drivers and you can ignore the rest. So all of these thoughts were coming to me and then it culminated in one thought, one big Mama thought. That's right. One thought to rule them all and it was this; Do Good. [16:54] That's it. Go about doing good and whatever the outcome is. And that's different for everyone. Rejoice in it, delight in it. And if one day that involves creating a new program and the next day it involves taking a nap with a preschooler, then rejoice, have joy. It means that you have discovered the thing that matters most. And just because it may mean one day you discovered the meaning of life and the next day you've just discovered the missing shoe. It doesn't matter. It means that you still know what matters most and you're experiencing it today. You know that whatever you do really, truly, honestly does matter. And I want you to keep that in your soul so that the next time that sneaky other little influence comes prowling around to make you miserable, you stand like that Xena warrior, and you know for yourself what is true and what is not, and make it known that you know. [17:47] Okay, so just as recap, Do Good. Don't get sucked in. Focus on truth. Share your experience and stand like a Xena warrior. All right? [17:58] People back to life as we know it with a joyful vengeance. And remember, if you want more of this good juicy stuff, please click on another podcast or take one of my free masterclasses, they're free. Just hop on there and get more of these juicy life hacks. I want to see you even happier and more organized and feeling that joy and that purpose. Even if you're the most stellar, organized and purposeful - PURPOSEFUL person on the planet. I just want you to know I've got even more for you to enjoy because that is my joy. So I hope you got something great out today. If you did, please comment below something that's a takeaway for you. I would love to hear it and know it and then if you have something you want to share, the others could learn from, please post it below. [18:42] If you want more information on Masterclass, #yes or just go to conniesokil.com and you can find it out there and if you want, you can always go on social media. I've got lots of posts, I've got lots of resources and articles and things and insights and wonderful people just to share with and discussed up. And it's just so great. So go on any major social media, Connie Sokol and you will find me. I would love, love, love to connect with you. And as I mentioned, if you want more great stuff than just click on another podcast and get more Balance Redefined. [19:14] Hi, I'm Connie Sokol and thanks for listening today to balance redefined. Don't forget to rate and subscribe and if you liked it, get even more life shifting. Learning with my best selling books on Amazon from humorous to core content, seasonal to spiritual life hacking nonfiction to fun romance fiction. I have a book for just what you need. So go to Amazon, search Connie Sokol, and check out the show notes for the direct link to guide you there.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:00] Welcome back to Balance Redefined. I'm Connie Sokol. I have some great stuff to share with you today on achieving your goals-not just talking about them, not just running them down, but actually achieving them. I read this information in the One Minute Manager. I love this book. [00:17] It's by Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson. It's a go-to. It's a classic. It's timeless. I love this book... [00:22] I was reading about how you set your goals and how effectively to set your goals so that you can actually achieve your goals. [00:29] And there was this one concept that I really wanted to get across and make you aware of because it was powerful to me and has been a huge help in me successfully achieving my goals. [00:40] So the first kind of thing I want to share to put this in a clear perspective and put it in a tangible terms is a story that I had heard before. [00:52] It is a true story about a flight and airline flight. It was back in 1979 and it was a flight that was taking off from New Zealand and doing a sightseeing flight to the Antarctica. It was a flight that had been done many times before, so it was pretty routine... [01:07] But what the people on the plane and what the pilots did not know is that somebody had accidentally modified the planes course and the plan by two degrees, just two degrees. [01:19] So what happened is they are flying that two degrees, took them significantly off course and in fact in the path of an active volcano, but because everything was so white with the clouds, the ice, the snow, and the mountains that these pilots did not realize they were in trouble until it was too late. [01:38] They crashed into the side of the mountain of the volcano and everybody on board died. [01:42] Now, I'm not going to stay and dwell on that, but the reason why I talk about that is because that story stuck with me. I heard that years and years ago. [01:51] It stuck with me of the importance of correcting our course trajectory and doing it quickly. [01:59] Not waiting until we have dug those neuro-pathways and dug those emotional and mental trenches so deep that it takes so long for us to get out. [02:08] It's course correcting quickly. [02:10] Yeah, try saying that three times fast. You probably can course correct quickly. So as we do that, we're able to achieve our goals quicker, more enjoyably... [02:22] I'm able to connect those goals to other goals because we can see, "Wow, I need to fix this here," and then that dominoes into maybe two or three other areas we didn't even anticipate, but it's just that beautiful positive fallout. [02:35] So keep that story in mind of quickly course correcting. [02:41] I want to talk about what the book shares. [02:43] Now the first thing to do is determine do you have an actual problem? And I love this in the book that is uses different storytelling formats to teach lessons such as Rich Man, Poor Man. [02:58] But he says in here that the manager has come to him and said, "Oh my gosh, we've got a problem." And he says, "So tell me, not about feelings or attitudes. Tell me what's happening in observable, measurable terms." [03:12] And so then he describes problem, then he says, "Okay, now tell me what you'd like to have happen. What do you want to have happen or be happening in those same terms?" And he's like, "Well, I don't know." [03:22] And then the man says, "If this is so pivotal, if you can't tell me what you'd like to be happening, you don't have a problem yet, you're just complaining." [03:33] "A problem only exists if there is a difference between what is actually happening and what you desire to be happening." Isn't that fabulous? [03:43] So let me read that again... [03:44] "If you can't tell me what you'd like to be happening, you don't have a problem yet, you're just complaining." A problem only exists if there is a difference between what is actually happening and what you desire to be happening. [04:00] So keep that in mind. First, determine, do I have a problem or am I just whining? Do I just need a pint of Ben and Jerry's or really good Brownie, or do you actually have a problem? [04:10] If you have a problem, then that's good because then we go to the next step. He gives six particular points to consider on your one minute goal setting and the first thing he says is to agree on your goals. [04:24] Agree on your goals. What that says to me is choose your goals. What is it that you actually want to do and just like I shared in that little quote, what would you want to have happen? Not just complain about what isn't happening, right? [04:39] That's what we want. So once you figure out what that looks like, then you can start determining the number one word that was so powerful to me about actually achieving your goals and this behavior. [04:53] He talks about how this behavior will determine if your goals are being achieved... [04:59] Now you can also insert habits in there which Charles did... [05:01] He talks about that same thing, with these behaviors. [05:09] I share that beliefs and behaviors will change your actions because behaviors are different than just making a choice here and there. Behaviors are those ingrained things that become those habits that are really what make-up you, your daily you. [05:26] That's going to be you five years down the road, so you want to consider those beliefs and behaviors because those are going to determine your actual outcomes of who you are and what you want. [05:37] So agree on your goals, which means agree what it is you actually want to achieve... [05:41] Really not just a should or what your mother in law says or what your boss says. What are the goals that you feel strongly you need to achieve? Okay, and then the second is to see what good behavior looks like. [05:54] What is the matching behavior that you're going to need in order to make that goal happen? Have you thought about that? What kind of behavior are you going to need? [06:03] If you want to lose weight? Well, what's a behavior you're going to need to start doing or a behavior you're going to have to incorporate or embrace for you to actually do that? [06:13] I had to do that a few months ago. I was like, you know what? I need to shift. I was doing the same workout I've been doing. I was being kind of like, "Oh, we have a lot of life stressors going on," and so I thought I need to do that for the health and the wellbeing and the distressing. [06:27] And so I had to figure out my schedule. I looked at it and went, "Wow, work that my first phase of kids leaves about seven, 10 and my last one leaves about 8:00. So I get him ready by about 7:30, 7:40. [06:43] So I have about 20, maybe 30 minutes in there for me to work out. And so that's what I did. Even though some mornings I think, "Oh my gosh, can I squeeze one more thing?" [06:52] And then you don't want to go the opposite because then if you stress yourself out too much and trying to make it work, then you just raise your cortisol level, which just makes your exercise worthless. [07:02] So you know, try to find the balance. [07:04] So I started doing it at 7:10, and guess what? I have loved it. It's worked out great. I get this workout done and I'm not punishing myself and killing myself with a workout. It's enjoyable. [07:16] It zumba it's ballet-beautiful. It's doing pilates. It's doing things that I love and enjoy so that by the time my son wakes up, I'm getting him ready, and he's ready to go, it's good. [07:28] It's nice. After that I hop in the shower and all is good. [07:30] So what behavior do you need to incorporate or let go of in order for you to make that goal happen? [07:37] And then the third thing they say is to write out each of your goals on a single sheet of paper using less than 250 words. [07:45] So write out each of your goals, put them on a single sheet of paper and use less than 250 words. Then read and reread each goal-which requires only a minute or so each time you do it. [07:59] So do you understand what that means? You should just write it out. Just make it very easy to read, easy to remember. And then during a given day, take that sheet and then just read and reread each goal, which only takes like a minute or so when you want to just review it. [08:13] Make sure you remember what it is. And I would encourage you to choose a time of day that you are actually will do that... [08:19] So whether it's first thing in the morning when you're getting ready, if it's the last thing before you hit your pillow at night or is it in the afternoon while you're waiting for Carpool or whatever that might look like for you... [08:29] Maybe you are thinking, "Okay, I always have our administrative meetings this time and I have this 15 minute block where, or 10 minutes that it's really unaccounted for. [08:38] But I just kind of have to make the best of it and go on social media or whatever." [08:42] Use that time to review your goals... [08:44] Remember, studies show that if we keep it in the front of our brain, if we keep it in that active part, then our bodies and minds and soul will actually try to make it happen. [08:55] If it's in the front of our brain, that's the first thing our brains going to go to that needs to be done or taken care of or addressed. So we want to keep this front and center and keeping our goals right in front of us. [09:07] That's why it's so important to keep rereading them. [09:09] Then the next one he has number five is take a minute every once in a while out of your day to look at your performance. [09:16] So just take that five minutes and just evaluate your performance... [09:21] And then the last one he says is to see whether or not your behavior matches your goal. So again, this is Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson, check and see, just do this quick check. [09:32] Maybe it's one minute, maybe it's two minutes, five minutes, but just look at those goals and then say, "Okay, how's my behavior doing? Isn't matching these goals? Is it getting me where I want to go?" [09:43] Preferably read them right as you're about to stick a huge donut in your mouth and you're like, "I really, really want to feel and be healthy. I want to be my best self." [09:54] Well read that goal and then you can really decide, do I really want that doughnut? [09:58] Maybe you do, or do I not do I want what really matters to me now and in the long run because all of this is going to add up and it's going to make me into a better person if I keep making those behavior choices today because what is it going back to? [10:13] What's the goal you agreed on at the very beginning and go through those steps. Now, the last one that I would add is adjust. If you can see that it's not working, then make that course correction quickly, right? [10:28] You want to adjust as soon as you can... [10:31] I think about that. In fact, as I was writing down some notes for this, I wrote down a thought about the difference between the airplane analogy that I gave you and the plan that we make our goal setting plan, and it hit me that the difference between the plan and the plane is the difference of one letter and a few degrees. [10:52] So same the principle applies to your goal plan as well as the flight of a plane and that is to quickly course correct. [11:02] As you make those small little changes and you make those very small, tiny, seemingly inconsequential choices, you will find your compound effect in play. [11:13] You'll find that your goals are actually happening when you put down that one donut, you know donuts are going to be there forever, so well, you know maybe, but they're going to be there for a while. [11:24] They're going to be there for months and years ahead. You're not going to miss out on anything. So even thinking sometimes what helps me is even thinking just for today, then I don't go into denial. I go just for today, I'm just going to work out for 15 minutes just for today. [11:39] I'm going to put that donut aside because I can get one next week just for today. I am going to go to bed at a good time just for today. I'm not going to lose my temper over these things that are just not that important. They're just not. I'm not going to get upset about it just for today. [11:55] I'm going to make sure and do that extra service for my kids that they don't even know they're getting. If I can do that principle just for today, I actually achieved more of my goals than if I think I've got this three month, two year plan in place that I am stuck to you like glue. [12:13] It helps me to be able to say, you know, I don't have to do this forever, but just in this moment I'm going to make this choice. And guess what? [12:21] Those moments and those choices, they add up, they multiply and they become. They become you. They become those goals that you've really, truly wanted to be and become and achieve, so some food for thought for today. [12:37] As always, you're welcome to check out my Five Keys to Balance Redefined master class. It's free and it's got more fabulous life hack tips for you to be able to put into practice right now. [12:49] So, so fabulous. The feedback is phenomenal on it. I love it and I can say that because people have told me this. I have loved that they are getting such good stuff out of it and it's shifting their life. That makes me so happy. [13:00] And you can also, as I said, get my newsletter, go conniesokol.com, and you can also get our free joy challenge. [13:05] So if you're needing a little bit more joy in your life and that's one of your goals, then take our free joy challenge with thoughts and wonderful activities, small things, that you can do just in a blink of an eye every day to increase your joy and it actually works. [13:18] It actually increases that joy. So enjoy more podcasts by clicking on yet another from balance, redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:00] Welcome back to Balance Redefined. I'm Connie Sokol, and I'm thinking about joy. Are you needing some joy? Are you feeling an absence of joy? [00:09] I sure have been recently and usually I am the queen of joy. I talk about it. I love it. I'm making it a part of my life. [00:17] I'm teaching people how to live it and you know, it's kind of like that cobbler's son has no shoes where you are all involved in it and then you forget to use it as your go to when you get depleted. [00:29] So that's what was happening this week... [00:31] I just wanted to share with you little experience with what I discovered about doing something different about joy to get that joy back. I have been feeling really depleted. [00:41] Have you ever had a time in your life like that where you just... "eh"? [00:45] I remember years ago I saw this magazine ad and it was the stretchy mom doll. So it was like kind of those stretch Armstrong's from years and years ago, but it was a mom doll. [00:56] Somebody was pulling on both arms and both legs and just stretching her like she was going to pop. [01:02] And I've always remembered that because that is exactly how I felt. There was so much going on in home life, children, seasonal, then business, and then speaking and tv stuff, and just all of these different things. [01:18] All of these demands and getting them done quickly so that when the kids come home, I'm all set, and I could be phase two with them. [01:23] I just felt this click. [01:25] I don't know if you've ever had that where you just click and you're like, "I'm done. I'm done," and your body and your mind had been giving you some signals and they've been a little faint because you're just going crazy and not like you're crazy every day, but it's just this consistent, persistent push. [01:42] So if I was running around harried and sweating and all of that, it would be a clear sign to me and I'm aware of those. The more insidious for me is when it just keeps getting notched up and notched up and another plate is added and another plate is added... [01:57] It's not like six get at it at once and then I know... [02:00] It's one here, two there, da ta da... can you, would you, and then before I know it, there's just plates that are starting to crash and I'm feeling like I cannot function. [02:10] So have you ever been there? [02:11] I just had that. I don't even know how to describe it, but it's almost like this click, like when I try to turn over one of our machines and you just hear nothing, it's just the click of the key. [02:20] You just go click and you know, there's no more gas, there's no more energy, there's no more spark, there's no more we're done. [02:28] And so yesterday or the other day, that's how I felt was just this max out and the thought that came to mind... [02:35] I had awakened early because I didn't sleep well... [02:37] I had awakened early and I was just laying there pondering and the thought came to mind, "You need a day of joy." [02:44] And I went, you're right. That just was balm to my soul. I need a day of joy. And that was great. So I thought, how can I do this, how can I actually make this a day of joy? So I looked at my calendar for the day and it was stuff that I could actually put off to the next day. [03:02] A lot of it, not all of it, but most of the things I really could delegate or put to the side just for that particular day. And I thought, okay, this is gonna work. [03:11] So came downstairs with my kids. I got them ready and out the door for school. We do these things called scripture strips. So we pull a scripture strip and then we read it and it's a scripture and then we say, what does that mean? [03:22] So it gets them on that little bit of scriptural bent for the day, gets them a little injection there before they go little immunization and then they go out the door anyway. [03:30] And as I read it, it was so funny because in my mind I was like, I was up and doing that. I thought, is it okay to do that? [03:37] I mean, I've got these things and I really should get a jump on them. I should get these finished and not put off tomorrow, what I can do today, blah, blah, blah. [03:43] And I pulled out the scripture stripping it said, "And as I partook of the fruit thereof, it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy." [03:52] "...And then I began to be desires that my family should particular but also." [03:56] And I just started laughing because I said yes, I remember I teach this. If I will partake of joy first, then it will naturally flow out to others and my family will have a happier mom. And so, so funny. So what did I proceed to do? I ate. [04:12] I wrote and I mean I ate healthy too. I wasn't even trying to. I said I'm going to eat whatever I feel like today. And my biggest splurge was hot cocoa with some Biscotti was so yummy, but I found that when I had this release, I really did want to do good things and eat good things. [04:28] It was kind of funny, but I just let go of that sort of structure and paralysis of I've got to do and be and let's go and get this done. [04:37] So I read and I wrote. I actually wrote fiction, this one idea that I had on a book last week and I was like three hours, so happy. I was just entrenched in this beautiful fun story and it had me laughing. It had me teary. [04:53] It was like, seriously, it was really funny that I'm writing this myself, but it was fantastic and then I binged watched a little bit of a hallmark movies, those cheesy Christmas movies and it was fantastic. [05:03] I cuddled under my dubé. I scooted right under it and just... [05:09] It was warm and toasty, and it was snowing outside. It was on the ground and the trees. [05:14] And I thought this, this is sheer heaven... [05:18] I want you to know those hours of doing that. It wasn't actually very long because then my kids started coming home, but those hours were magical. [05:27] They were magical and the energy that I got, I have to tell you, we think that joy is fluffy. [05:34] It's not fluffy, it is not a fluffy thing. It's not an afterthought, it's not a, "Well, I'll get that and get to it, you know, after I get the other 622 things I need to get done today." [05:45] No, and I had forgotten I had shelved the impact and the pivotal nature of joy and had just kind of casually pushed it aside when I know better. [05:56] I know this because that's what got me through some of the most difficult times in my life and in fact, that's where the joy challenge came from. So if you are wanting to do something with joy, feel free to take the joy challenge. It's free. [06:06] It's on my website, conniesokol.com. Take the joy challenge. It's 30 days of thoughts and views about joy and very simple things so that you can get joy in your life. [06:16] Yes, I've taken the challenge... [06:18] I took it so much. I wrote it. I made it happen and then actually created with my assistant this 30 day challenge. Then it became such a way of life that I don't even think of as a challenge anymore and there in lay the rub because I had taken it for granted and was not being conscious about it. [06:35] So remember that joy is actually the thing that will give you the energy you need and what were the results for me, having the joy day, I had energy, I found myself laughing, laughing with my children, and the fact that I recognize that I was doing that made me realize that I had not been laughing as much as I should have been. I was singing spontaneously, and we actually all enjoyed it. [07:01] Who knows? But we were dancing in the kitchen. We were singing. [07:05] I was spontaneously singing, like found myself singing a little cute Christmas song. I was like, what in the world? So I found this energy, this joy, this bubbling up that was coming and I wasn't being snippy. Not that I'm snippy, but I was, you know, that little tone that you can get at 4:00 in the afternoon. [07:24] Ooh, I did not have that tone... [07:27] I was more happy about sitting on the floor and playing and actually decluttered my son's toys. We decluttered them together. I said to him, "So what do you think about this one? What do you think about that one?" [07:35] Whereas in the past I may have just waited until they go into school and then just picked them out for, right? Yeah. So it was a nice, awesome connecting time that we had. [07:42] So I so encourage you to consider doing a joy day. Maybe you go, "Oh, I would so love that, but it's just not gonna happen, sista." [07:52] And that's okay. So do a joy 15 or a joy moment or a joy hour. And start with something now, if it's a joy moment, then just breathe or rest or close your eyes or feel something good or experienced delight. [08:13] Do something simple and then expand it to 15 minutes and then maybe 30. Then maybe just be wild and crazy and have a Saturday that you take an hour to do something joyful. [08:26] I promise you, especially for women, if you will do this, you will be restored. It is this amazing restorative power of joy. [08:37] You get back to happiness. You stop being so structured and so choreographing, which is what we end up having to do as women, wives and mothers because there's so much and so many people that are we are the hub for. [08:51] So I invite you. Find a way today to have a joy moment, a joy 15, a joy hour or plan... [09:00] Take time right now and plan it in your week. I promise you that even in the planning, you will begin to feel joy because your soul is so hungry, so thirsty for that joy, that the mere mention that it's going to get filled will actually make you happier in the process. [09:19] And here's the kicker. I did a little funny experiment. I weighed myself before I started my joy day and I lost a pound. Yeah, it's true, and I actually noticed that I felt so relaxed that that puffiness that I get from my cortisol increase, that comes from stress, that it actually was less. I was not in that cortisol way. [09:38] I actually think my body just needed rest and so it didn't get all hyped up, so isn't that funny? Now it could be just water weight, but I'm not going to go there. [09:46] I am going to stick with the fact that yes, having joy helps you lose weight. Yeah. It must have been that hot cocoa and Biscotti. I'm pretty sure. [09:54] Anyway, do the joy challenge or just pick a day, 15 minutes, a moment to have a joy day. Let me know and comment below what you experienced. [10:05] I would love to know it and other people to learn from it. Also stay tuned for more podcasts and more balanced, redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:00] Welcome back to Balance Redefined. I'm Connie Sokol. I want to share today about this continuation of a Christ-Centered Christmas and I'm talking about his driver, his love. Again, I am doing some excerpts from My 40 Days With the Savior book and just sharing these. [00:18] It's a daily devotional book... [00:20] It's non-denominational and just giving some insights into the character and traits of Jesus Christ and then some experiences that we can connect on and then some thought provoking questions that we can utilize so that we can think, [00:33] "How can I be a better person and isn't that really one of the ultimate goals that we have everyday just doing a little bit better?" [00:40] That's what I love about Jesus Christ. I feel like every time I learn, study, experience something about him, I become a little bit better. And so today I want to talk about this theme of his driver was love. [00:55] It was love. Always, always love. [00:57] With love, sometimes we think, "Oh, it's just this warm fuzzy feeling," but if you've ever been a parent or if you've ever had to manage people, you know there's lots of layers to love. There's soft love, there's tough love, there's familial love, romantic love. [01:12] There's all kinds of love in our lives and I love that his driver was love and that he really fully knew. Every time he met someone.... [01:24] Every time he talked with someone he knew how to love them, how they needed to be loved. So I was listening to this, a religious devotional the other night and the speaker Gary Stephenson was talking about the condition of our heart. [01:40] What is the condition of our heart? He shared how he used to sell sports equipment and the kind of equipment in the sense of that it would measure and track your heart rate, so treadmills and spending cycles and things like that, but it had the ability to measure your heart rate, blood pressure and things like that to really get a sense of the condition of your heart. [02:02] And I know everybody nowadays... [02:03] We have our fitbit's and it measures all this information. All the time, right there on our wrists, you know, pioneers would have been floored to even see that, but it really tells us how fit our heart is, but I want to talk about the condition of our heart in a more intangible way. [02:20] How do we know that condition of our heart? How do we know if we're being meek and lowly? I love the scriptures. [02:29] It says that the savior said, "For I am meek and lowly, follow me because I am meek and lowly." [02:34] What does that mean? Here is this majestic person and doing incredible good in miracles, but he's meek and lowly. How? How do we get ourselves to that place and how do we know if we are? Because the joke is of course, if you think you're humble, then you're obviously not. [02:50] So what does that mean? So I got thinking about that and I got thinking about how can I know where my heart is at? And I started asking myself a few questions while I was going about my day. [03:00] Where is my heart? What is my response when someone cuts me off, some sweet holiday shopper cuts me off and I have kids in my cart? What's my response when someone cuts in line or even takes my spot? [03:16] What is my heart? When someone asked me to do something that's inconvenient, especially if it's someone who does it over and over or someone who I think you should know better and you know how to do this, where? Where's my heart in those situations? [03:31] We have a kind of a very windy road where I live. We live up in the mountains... [03:34] So I was coming down this windy road and you know when you're used to driving the same road over and over and over and over. [03:40] You get used to how fast you can go. You get used to how the windy roads go. You get used to people knowing how to drive on those roads. Right? [03:48] So I'm driving and here comes this car that pulls out in front of me as I'm jamming along and I have to get to somewhere. This Mr. Lexus pulls out in front of me and goes like 10 miles slower than what you need to go on that road. [04:04] And I was like, "You've got to be joking." I don't know where I was headed to because of course that never matters. [04:08] You never remember that, but you remember that you were in a hurry and it really seemed to matter. So I'm behind this Mr. Lexus. [04:14] And I was like, "Okay Dude, you've got the power, you've got the car. Just go. I've got to go." [04:21] On this windy road it's really hard to find a spot that you can sort of pass them without it being, you know, dangerous... [04:27] So I am stuck behind this car and I'm thinking, "Move along, Mr." [04:32] So I'm getting really frustrated and as the seconds tick by and you know how it seems like it takes forever when you're behind someone who's slow, even though they're probably just going a few miles slower, but it feels forever. [04:44] So we're driving and driving and I am really getting frustrated and then in the opposite direction comes around the corner, a police car. [04:54] Suddenly the realization hits me that I am of course a veritable connoisseur of traffic court and have all these traffic classes, you know, you take them so that you don't have to have it on your insurance. Right? [05:09] And this immediate thought hits me, I would have been jamming and I would have probably gotten a ticket... [05:15] So what's my thought all of a sudden, and I'm talking about in milliseconds? [05:21] I was like, "Mr. Lexus, thank you so much." [05:24] Thank you. You just saved me a ticket. I honestly wanted to like cut them off, pull over and say thank you so much because you just saved me from having another ticket, which would've been a bad idea. [05:32] However, isn't it interesting in the matter of a second that everything changed... [05:37] What is it that happens to our hearts? [05:38] I'm sad to say it was because it was in my benefit. So of course my heart became soft and meek and lowly because I was so grateful because it was in my benefit. [05:46] But how can we do that on a daily basis without needing it to be in our benefit? Right? What makes your heart soft and pliable? I love that scripture where it says, "He will write it on the fleshy tables of your heart." [05:59] Isn't that fabulous? Fleshy tables of your heart, thinking of your heart not being hardened, but being soft and fleshy. [06:07] One part of the body that we're happy for it to be flashy and soft and kind of pliable. Right? [06:14] So I have a couple of thoughts... [06:15] The first thought that comes to mind on this is to look for the backstory... [06:19] Look for the backstory. I think when we go through our lives and we just see people as vehicles to what we want and need to get, then we live a pretty lonely life and we can be impatient and quick to be offended and quick to be resentful because people aren't doing what they need to be doing to get my stuff done, right? [06:41] And we get very justified about it. I know I have and I love when I look for the backstory. I remember years ago I was in a particular church calling with a woman. [06:52] She would get up at 4:30 or something in the morning all the time everyday to work out and she would talk a lot about her physical appearance and having work done and different things like that and that was just kind of not where I was at now. [07:03] Of course it was a hot button for me because I had had four children, six and under, I think at that time and so of course I was not looking fit and fabulous. I was looking like Miu Miu dress with the hair in a clip kind of thing. Course. [07:15] That was totally hot button for me. [07:17] Taking anything personally, but I just found it hard to connect with her, you can understand why, but I really found it hard to connect with her. [07:24] And of course it's my beef. It's my hot button... [07:26] But it was interesting because the more time that we ended up spending together. I remember this one time we were ending an activity and we were washing dishes and we started chatting as we were washing dishes and come to find out that she had had to leave home as a young, young teenager, just barely a teenager, had left home and really had been supporting herself her whole life. [07:44] And as this story started to unfold, my heart was so touched. I felt really ashamed of how I had viewed her and had only looked at her in one dimension. And of course a dimension that had mattered to me. [08:01] That was the lens that I was seeing through... [08:05] I'm so profoundly touched by that. I still think about it... [02:02] Because I think we can be quick. We can be quick to overlook people's back story, and we can make a judgment call without knowing the whole story and the whole reasons behind people do what they do. [02:16] That doesn't always excuse what they do, but it just gives us what I call that backstory. [02:22] The second step is along those lines, is to help and not just judge so we know where to judge righteous judgement. [08:38] We're not to walk around in life without making clear judgment calls on what's going on. We have to be savvy and we have to be realistic. We have to be smart about what we're doing. [08:48] We have to say, "Oh, that is probably not a good part of town to go in after dark." [08:54] So I will judge righteous judgment and I will not go in that part of town at 11:00 at night. That is judging wisely. You need to be smart, but more often the judgment that I'm talking about it's that making those snap judgments and then we don't help. [09:09] Then we're unkind. So it's not just that we didn't look for the backstory, it's that now we're withholding love. Now we're withholding help or goodness because we think we know what's going on and that's what I'm talking about. [09:26] I love how Jesus Christ judges righteously. Every single person that he met, he just knew. He asked them generally speaking a question and was really helping them evaluate where they were in their lives. [09:38] He knew, but he was giving them an opportunity to evaluate where they were at and to see that for themselves and I love that. I love that. [09:47] We can do that with others. We can ask some questions. We don't have to judge. We can ask questions and then we can. [09:54] We can choose how we want to help and some ways of helping will be more appropriate than others in different experiences that I've had. [10:01] Even just in the last two months, I've had opportunities to go and actually physically serve and help those who are in difficult situations. [10:10] I've had the opportunity to donate, so that I know that that donation is actually secured to a place and not going to go for booze or whatever-that I know it's going to go to help feed that person and house that person. [10:22] And so all of those things are really important that we have to make judgment that's righteous, but we also don't let that withholdings from helping. And even if we think that this person is, has brought it on themselves or repeatedly does that, or as manipulating whatever, we can still take the high road. [10:41] We can still help them by giving them choice. And again, that's asking questions. [10:46] That's what I've shared with my kids. When something happens at school, like for example friend drama, when suddenly they're not involved in a chat group or suddenly they'd been kind of kicked out of a group and they don't know why no one's saying why I've expressed to them, ask questions. [11:01] Don't just let that elephant in the room be there. [11:04] Let them know you're not just going to go away quietly, not meanly, but just not quietly. You're just going to ask, "Hey, what happened? What's going on? I'd love to know what's happening, but I have a part in this. I'd love to apologize, but I'd like to know what's going on and if anyone can share that." [11:17] And that helps them know where those people are at and what they can actually do to move forward and how they can help the situation. So whether they apologize or whether they're going to write a note or whether they're just going to let them have some space, it helps them know how to respond, which is what we want to do. Right? [11:33] That leads me to the third thing, which is to just be willing and ready to serve. Just be willing and ready to serve. I know where my heart is at. [11:44] If I'm given an opportunity to serve, what's my response to that? [11:48] If my response is, again, "Can't this person take care of this? Can something be done about this? If my response is like that, then I know my heart needs to shift because I can go back to more helpful responses like asking questions, putting some new healthy boundaries in place. [12:07] I can do something about it. I don't have to waste negative energy on a simple request or a reasonable request, whatever it might be for some kind of service. [12:17] So even if it's just a little thing, being willing to serve, being willing to put someone ahead of you, being willing to let someone go in front of you in the line, being willing to stop and help someone pick up some papers that just felt being willing to do those simple services really tell me where my heart is at. [12:36] It really opens my eyes to where somebody else heart, somebody else's heart is at as well. [12:41] I noticed those things a lot different people and when I'm doing business deals and things like that, I am watching for those small simple services I'm watching for. If they talked to the receptionist, I'm watching for. [12:53] If they open the door for someone that's coming in, I'm watching for if they acknowledge everyone in the room and not just the people who have the power plays at hand, right? I'm watching for these simple services and they do reveal the condition of people's hearts I love. [13:09] Just yesterday I had a handyman that was at the house and he got stuck. We get snow where we are and usually people are in four wheel drive and they know to come up there with that and he didn't think about it. [13:22] He knew, but he had forgotten and he just went down our driveway and got stuck when he was ready to head out. I have a four wheeler but it wasn't turning over and I even had the tow rope, but I was like, "Oh my gosh, now I don't have anything to like help him out." [13:37] First thought was to call my neighbor right across the way. I called that neighbor who had just come and fix my washing machine, just fix the washer belt on my washing machine a few days before. [13:49] So after he had fixed that washing machine belt, of course my children and I were like, what can we do to be helpful? So we didn't have anything else. They would not accept payments. So we just had some yummy things we had bought at Costco and some fun things for Christmas goodies and things. [14:03] So we just put a makeshift basket together and just gave him a basket. Him and his son when they left and they were like, "No, no, no." [14:09] But we wanted to do it. So here this man has already served as I have to call him and say, "Hey, can you help him out at this driveway?" He comes over there laying on the ice and the snow. [14:20] They're hooking stuff up. They're trying to, they're backing it up there doing all staff when we're out there, we're throwing snow melt and we're just trying to be helpful and we're praying, we're doing whatever we can, you know, my daughter and I am not, which is not much at all. [14:31] We weren't very much help but he got it done and just without even a second thought was just like, yeah, no worries. And he's like, don't even think about a basket because we approached the car as he was heading out and I just said, "I just want you to know how much we appreciate that." [14:46] Isn't that wonderful? [14:49] You will be continually in each other’s debt. I just loved that. Of course we have the greater. But it was wonderful. Then later that night, the gas fireplace for some reason was not working and I thought, "Oh that I had been an engineer in a former life." Right? [15:07] So I knew another neighbor who was so kind to us and says, "Hey, anything you need, you just let us know." I called him and his cute wife and they're in their sixties, comes over. [15:16] He loves to fix things and he and she worked at it together and they're sharing. [15:21] They're holding the screws and the nuts and the bolts and they've got the flashlight going back and forth together. It was really actually quite tender to watch them work. And in fact she said, "No, it's so inspiring to watch him work. It's so fun." And I learned so much. Oh my gosh. [15:33] So sweet condition of their hearts. So good. And so they get done and we gave him a little treat. But again, there was nothing much for us to do other than express our gratitude. Again, the condition of their hearts. [15:45] I called, they were over there in a heartbeat, making it better for us. [15:49] I throw that out to you, especially in times that are difficult. Our hearts can get protective and we can, we can be not as open to others and oftentimes for very good reason because we've had some negative experiences. [16:05] I would encourage you to consider these three ways to look for the backstory, to help and don't just judge and then be ready to serve, be ready and willing to serve in the simple ways and I think that helps. [16:17] No, our condition of our hearts. I know this has helped me and hopefully it's helped you. So enjoy my free master class that has more on this. It's Five Keys to Balance Redefine that talks about ways that we can stay grounded and centered so that we have that awareness and ability to be able to serve. [16:35] You're welcome to go on my social media or my website for lots and lots of freebies and good stuff and downloads to help you be able to put these principles and practices into your life. [16:45] Stay tuned for more balance, redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:00] Welcome back to Balance Redefined and I am Connie Sokol and I am here to share with you some wonderful insights on Handel's Messiah. [00:09] This is from George Handel and we know him as a very famous composer and I'm going to jump right in because I don't want to talk about all the historical part of this. I really want to talk about him being at this place, this crossroads because it's so fabulous to liken these famous people who we revere for some of the things that they have done. [00:30] For example, with George Handel creating the Messiah and that every Christmas season, this and Easter, it's played and it is profound and even though we can enjoy it year round, it is just a profound experience if you've ever listened to it. [00:46] If you've ever attended a messiah singing, there is something that happens when you listen to this music and especially when you partake of or participate in singing that music. [00:57] For example, with that messiah singing, it's incredible. You all are in an auditorium and everyone is split into their parts of Soprano, alto, tenor, bass, and then you get the Libretto and you just sing. [01:11] It doesn't matter if you know what you're doing or you don't know, you just all sing out and it's easier to kind of follow along because everybody's singing so beautifully. So here is this incredible experience and we we get to have it year after year, season after season. [01:29] How did this happen and what was the background that was going on in order for this to be created? And that's the story that's interesting to me. [01:39] So let me take you very quickly back where George Handel, he was well known as a composer, but he was also a businessman and he really put his time and energy into the producing and writing of his work and he would spend his time and energy doing the business deals as well as the composing and to kind of mixed results. [02:00] So he enjoyed some great success. He did a lot of compositions that were religiously inspired: Esther Saw Deborah, all of these different oratorios, and things like that... [02:11] But what happened is what I want to focus on. [02:15] He was going through rough patches and he was doing his operas and they were, some were good and some were Max with, you know, met with mixed results and then it got to where whereby the 17 forties, it was getting really rough. [02:28] He was performing them in Haymarket, in London, but it was to like small houses and kind of listless audiences. [02:35] And that did not bode well. So then he moved to Lincoln's inn fields theater. But then that ended up, he ended up closing there because it was financially hemorrhaging the place because it was not having success. [02:48] He actually wrote about 40 operas and the last one especially, I mean he had several, many that that ended up not doing well. [02:55] The last one that he ended on failed miserably. It closed early. Like it only had a few runs I believe. So here's this man who has written something that is, I would consider one of the all time most incredible, most famous, most profound pieces on Jesus Christ. And yet he was at this failing point. [03:18] And so what happened, and I'm putting this in very short paraphrasing things, he was at this kind of destitute place. He had closed his season at the Lincoln's Inn Fields Theater. It was truly, it was disastrous... [03:33] Then he had talked about returning to Germany. That's where he was from. He was 55 years old. [03:39] He had lost the royal patronage because King George the second did not come and attend his musical productions because Handel from what I understand, he had kind of lifted a piece that had been used in the funeral for Queen Caroline and actually put it in another opera will this so offended the king that he just stayed away. [04:01] So now he lost the royal patronage and his principal libel, which was the Italian opera. And then he would have this ache in his arm. He had tendinitis and that returned and he was saying, you know, maybe I'm played out, maybe I should just quit music altogether. [04:16] So he's in this really dark, dark time. And that for an artist, for a business person, for anybody who's involved in anything that matters to them with passion or desire or drive as a parent, you, we get to those places of just I is there any more left in here, I don't know that there is. [04:37] And so we leave him at this really difficult place. So then we come back to him a little while later. He finds the Libretto from Charles Jenkins and they have collaborated a little bit. [04:52] Things like that, but Jenine's it is understood that he did not even know that handle had put music to his libretto until after it was done and it was being played. [05:02] So there wasn't any collaboration on that in that sense. So handle gets a libretto and loves it and does very little alterations. [05:11] My understanding, very little alteration, but goes to town on writing this musical accompaniment to it and it only takes him 24 days to write this. [05:22] He basically does part one and part two in another week and part three and a third week, 24 days for this incredible composition. [05:31] And so he gets that done and he has been attributed with saying a couple of things and these have been made as far as research and those kinds of making sure they're validated, they've been validated that he really did say these things, but first and foremost, he said about the experience I did think I did see all heaven before me and the Great God himself. [05:57] Now that's what he's been attributed to saying as his experience. [06:01] While he was writing this messiah composition and he was not the type to consider himself or ever claim to be a visionary man, but it's sacred source material and the intense concentration during that composition, who knows what he might have experienced. [06:20] The other thing that he says that is also possibly plausible is whether I was in my body or out of my body as I wrote it. I know not God knows, so he knows that he had whatever experience it was. [06:34] There was a spiritual experience attending this that was significant and was different than anything that he had experienced before in his other works. [06:44] So you can imagine when this is done and he is preparing to perform this at covent garden this is significant, he has to be successful with this and this is what he spent his time, his energy on. [06:58] He is so nervous about this that he actually does not put the title out on the playbills on the things that are being advertised. [07:06] He puts a new sacred oratorio so that nobody even knows what it is and nobody even understands. In fact, some people ominously had taken them down and rip them down. So he is really at a crossroads. [07:18] He has to be successful. His Italian opera days, they are gone. They are done. [07:23] There's no going back and he needs to have some kind of new success. And of course if there is success with this, then people would be ready to follow him again. They would be ready to embrace him again as this composer that they could love and and have maybe even be consistently as one of those highly considered and favored composers if the king shows his interest in favor as well. [07:50] So we get to that night and the music is playing and it is so different than what they had been used to and the actual reception of it was profound. [08:03] The king actually attends and in fact this is one of my most favorite moments of knowing about Handel's Messiah. It says, in fact, I'm going to read this from James Beatty, who was there and wrote of the moment. [08:15] He said, "When Handel's Messiah was first performed, the audience was exceedingly struck and affected by the music in general." [08:24] And then he adds, "and I ask you, have you ever wondered why we always stand at a certain place in the Messiah, wherever you are," we stand right? And so I love that. [08:35] This answers this question. [08:36] James Beatty continues, "When the chord struck up for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth, the audience was so transported that they all together with the king stood up and remained standing until the course ended and hence it became the fashion in England for the audience to stand. While that part of the music is performing." [08:58] Isn't that incredible? And the king stood. Everyone was so moved by this incredible work in this incredible music set to actual scripture. [09:10] They were so moved that they stood and you can imagine in effect standing to acknowledge that they are talking about the king of kings, the Lord of Lords, and this entire audience is on their feet showing the respect and showing the profound worship of a being higher than they are. [09:31] It's so profound to me that we have this person who had, you know, in essence been prepared to write this... [09:40] It seems to me with all the other religious librettos and Oratorios and things like that he had been involved in, that he had done all of these other Sol and Debra and and all of these other ones that he had actually been preparing to write this most majestic piece that is now timeless. [10:00] That is something so profound that we get to experience. So I hope that you have gotten something interesting out of this. It actually was successful. [10:08] He was able to continue doing that at Christmas time and Easter. Then the garden became his permanent home and he usually performed the messiah usually before, shortly before Easter, and he would actually go ahead and perform that. [10:23] The last performance was given in April 6, 1759, and he died eight days later, so profound April 6, 1759. [10:33] So hopefully you found something interesting that when you listen to Handel's, Messiah and all that, maybe you'll keep those things in mind that remember that there was a point in which the sweet composer who was writing this was really at his lowest, his wit's end, and this actually saved him figuratively and financially from this ruin and this artistic despair and his his life's work of where he was saying, "What's my purpose?" [11:01] And he was actually able to find that purpose in this redemptive piece, which is so symbolic of the redemption that we experienced. [11:10] So I know this is a little bit more on that I'm-religious-influence side, but I hope that you've received or learned something of value and that you will never listen to Handel's Messiah the same way again. [11:22] Enjoy and stay tuned for more balance, redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:00] Welcome back to Balance Redefined and this Christ centered Christmas series that I'm doing, I hope you're enjoying. I'm basing it on my 40 days with the savior book. [00:09] It's a daily devotional, nondenominational book that just gives insights into the traits and character of Jesus Christ and how we can utilize it to become better people just every day a little bit better and giving you some scripture and some thoughts and experiences, some thought provoking questions that hopefully will help you have a more Christ centered Christmas and feel more peace, love and joy on a daily basis. [00:31] So today I'm talking about he is aware. How aware do you think that Jesus Christ is of you and your life and what you're going through? Have you ever thought about that? [00:43] I've thought about that a lot over the years as I've gone through a lot of difficult experiences. My son has asperger's. [00:50] My children, they have ADD and ADHD, depression, anxiety, a lot of genetic gifts that we have been given and being able to go through difficulties go through health issues, financial issues, divorce and different things that have been difficult and struggles... [01:08] I have to tell you, I am truly and profoundly grateful for the awareness that I know that he has for me and my family and that's not because we're special. [01:22] It's because he has that for every single person on the planet and I know that I know that to my soul and so I got thinking about this. How do we know that he is aware? How do we know that he is aware, and then how can we learn from that and become more aware in our lives as well. [01:40] I love this leading scripture. I have a scripture for each one and this one is Matthew 9:30-36, so chapter nine verses 35 through 36, [01:48] "And Jesus went about all the cities and villages teaching in their synagogues and preaching the gospel of the Kingdom and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. [02:04] ...But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them." [02:10] You know, the thing that makes him so aware is that he loves. He has great infinite compassion and so that compassion, I believe makes him so sensitive and so fully aware. [02:25] Have you experienced that in your life when you've gone through something that you didn't expect and then because you went through it, you were so much more aware of others who were in that situation and so much more compassionate about how they needed to be helped or served or loved or help to a healing place. [02:45] I found that for myself when I miscarried, just different things that you don't you don't anticipate, you don't think much about, but then when you go through it, suddenly your level of compassion and awareness is just so deepened. [02:59] My daughter once shared a story about a little girl bringing her favorite treat to a classroom "trading day," quote unquote, so when you trade things back and forth. [03:08] It was an elementary school and still throughout the day's trading, she noticed that a little boy with several small rocks on his desk and did not had any trading interests from others. [03:18] You can imagine what might have been on the desks of other kids, but here he brought these little rocks... [03:22] You can imagine it's either his favorite collection or he maybe doesn't have anything more to bring, but in this story the little girl didn't want Iraq, so note that Jenny Mondo Rock, but after awhile she could tell that this little boy was sad without having anyone take notice or even want to participate with him. [03:42] So what did she do? She offered a treat for a rock and then she surprised herself by asking, "Hey, do you want to play basketball?" And he happily accepted both offers. [03:54] And what I love about this story is that this girl was aware... [03:58] She was not just intent on trading to the best thing on her desk and isn't that so symbolic in life? [04:06] We say, "I got to sell this thing. I gotta do this thing. I got to push this thing," whatever it is that we're focused on doing that seems so, so important... [04:14] But instead she was taking the big picture. She was looking around and seeing how everyone was doing and notice this little boy that's profound to me, that is meaningful to me and that helps me remember what matters most. I love that and that's exactly how Jesus Christ was completely aware of each person and their particular needs, especially when they are not like me jumping on and jumping up and down and saying, "I'm here." [04:38] "...I'm here. Pick me. Pick me." When those people were in the background, when they were over by the pool of Bethesda, they didn't know how to get into that water. They didn't know anybody else who could actually help them. [04:51] They were in the shadows. So consider that... [04:55] How aware are we? That's the first thing. How aware are we of others? How aware are we of those that are around us, that we work with? How often do we look and say, "Wow," especially when you're managing people, do you see them as people or just as people to get things done for the product or service? [05:17] Do you know if they have children who are sick? Do you know if they're caring for their aging mother? Do you know when their birthday is in? Do you genuinely celebrate it and be happy for them and say, "Hey, what are you doing today for that?" [05:27] I have renters. I love being able to stay in connection with them and was just talking with my children the other night. We have been so blessed by these wonderful renters. They're kind, they're loving. [05:38] They pay their rent on time, they take good care of these places that we have and that we've put our time and energy into and they've been wonderful. [05:47] One of my renters, they were the ones that brought a meal to us when we were in the fire. I mean, drove 30-40 minutes down to give us a meal. It was just, it was amazing. I was talking with my children about this and I said, "Always, always see people as people." [06:03] They're not just things. They're not just, you know, vehicles or obstacles to your way. They have lives. They have stories. They have experiences and as you treat them with love, they will love you back and not always in the way we want to be loved. It's not required, but they will. They will have a happiness in their heart for you. [06:23] So how aware are we? I know this is something I work on all the time because I'm a fast, fast person. [06:28] I like to speak fast. I like to walk fast. I like to write fast, allegedly fast, but I have had to learn and keep learning to be able to stop, slow down and see people. [06:39] I know in our neighborhood there's a young adult woman who she suffers from mental illness and she has the mindset of a young child... [06:46] But whenever we wave or we say, "Hello," she kind of brightens a little bit, but whenever we see her that's what we do. [06:54] One day her mother approached me with a note and a sweet smile. And in that note she thanked me for one of my children, my boy who had been giving her some sweet attention. [07:06] Now my son at the time was a teenager and you know, they're at that age where as a teenage guy, it's really not that cool for you to recognize someone who's a special needs girl and give them any kind of attention. [07:17] I'm sorry. That's just how often it is. Not always though... [07:20] I know so many good fine young men, so not across the board, but I am saying it tends to be the case, and I had no idea that my sweet boy was doing that. [07:31] But she shared in that note that he made a special effort to say "hello," talk with and to listen to her. And this young woman had actually made a Valentine for my teenage son and when she gave it to him, he didn't balk at it or throw it away. [07:46] Apparently he had just quietly made a kind note for her in return. [07:50] Sorry. And I didn't know any of this, you know? It made me feel kind of bad for getting after him about cleaning up his room. So for a moment anyway, how grateful I was for his tender awareness and for his kindness and his compassion especially without any fanfare, which I loved. [08:08] So that awareness leads to that second thing which is to act, to choose how you want to act, to choose how you want to respond to whatever it is that you're aware of. [08:19] And sometimes we don't want to acknowledge we're aware of something. Mostly because we feel like, "Oh, now I've got to solve that person's problem." [08:27] We don't. We really, really don't. Yes, there are some people who are, you know, feeling that desperate feeling, you know, that feeling of you just want someone to solve it. [08:36] But generally speaking, people just appreciate being seen that they're hurt and their grief is being seen and that you just can sit with them for five minutes. Even if you only have five minutes, you can say, "You know, I really care about you, and I think that you're not looking like yourself lately." [08:54] Or "You look stressed. I've got like five minutes, and I've hesitated to even say because I only have five minutes, but I want to give you this five minutes. Is there anything you want to share? AnythIng that I can help you with, anything that you want me to do, even if it's just sit and hold your hand in silence for five minutes. I'm right here. I want to do that for you." [09:16] Even if we just do something like that, sometimes we can get kind of wrapped up and think, "Well, if I can't bring a whole meal, then I'm not just going to bring buy cookies," or "If I can't bring by cookies, well then I'm not even going to stop by," and that's not how we can look at it. [09:32] That's not how it needs to be. It can just be whatever our heart says we can offer and we can be clear about it... [09:38] I know for myself, once I'm home, I just don't like to be bothered. It sounds terrible, but I'll go out, I'll visit, I'll do and I'll bring. But I love to just be cocooned in my home with my children and give them my attention and my focus and then, and then lie down, especially in the evening. [09:53] And so because of that, sometimes I've not been very encouraging for people to take a lot of time coming in the door and sit and talk after I've been talking all day long to others and that it's not an excuse, it just is a reality that I've needed to deal with. [10:06] And over the last year or so I've really been trying hard to make my heart open and then be clear about those boundaries. And there was a gal that I noticed my neighbor who a few days ago I saw her and I thought, "I just got this hit." [10:19] She just wasn't seeming the same. She seemed like stress, like I had been sharing earlier about an example and she seemed a little stressed but I didn't get over there and I didn't ask her about it and we all have those moments. [10:19] But she had brought her a meal because they had done a nice service for us. So I brought them. We brought them a meal on sunday and she came back to drop off the dishes and she had texted me and said, "Hey, are you home?" [10:19] And I was like, "Oh, I'm not home right now, but you can come by later." [10:19] I thought, "Well if she's texting to bring dishes by, she must need to talk and I kind of mentally prepared," but at this time my little guy was just coming back from being gone, and I had my six year old. I knew he was going to need attention. [10:59] And so I was like, "Oh, I hope she comes earlier than that. And you know exactly what happened. She happened to pop over, was at the door and I knew my little guy was coming home in just a little bit. [11:08] And I thought, "Oh, what do I do?" And I just thought, "Would you like to come in? Do you want to sit for a minute? Are you doing okay?" She ended up talking for, I think it was about an hour. Then my little guy came in, and I gave him a love and I had my girls go be with him for a bit. And it all worked out. [11:23] But it felt good to know that she needed that and that I could give it freely... [11:30] I wasn't looking at my watch. I wasn't feeling resentment. I just gave it freely. So it's something to consider-that awareness and then freely give it. [11:40] Even if you need to set a boundary, freely give whatever it is that you can do. [11:45] And then the last one is to appreciate. That awareness that we have, we see others in their situations who they are and then we act, we do. [11:54] It makes us appreciate not only them, but the good that we have in our lives and the people who love and serve us and ultimately to appreciate Jesus Christ. [12:05] And again, whatever you have in your life, fill that in with the deity or the religious influence or the spiritual influence that you have in your life. I don't mention that all the time because I have said that in several podcasts, so that doesn't get annoying. [12:17] But I love that. I love that we become more grateful and as we become more grateful, guess what? This beautiful cycle will become more aware and then we act more to do good things and then we appreciate. [12:30] We appreciate them. We appreciate our lives, we appreciate dad, we appreciate god and jesus christ. It's just this beautiful serving cycle. It's just fantastic and I love it. So I want you to consider that. [12:43] Consider how these three ways of being more like Jesus Christ, starting with that awareness helps us come to a place of it betters us every single time we try to be a little bit more like Jesus Christ. [12:59] We become better, happier, more peaceful, more loving, more kind. That's just the reality... [13:06] So my thought provoking question for you today is how can you be more aware of or more readily act on the needs of someone else? I hope you've enjoyed this today and get ready for more podcasts. You just simply need to click for more Balanced Redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:00] Welcome back. I'm Connie Sokol. I'm sharing another excerpt from my Life Is Too Short Collection series, a collection of humorous, life-changing essays that are from my days of being a newspaper columnist. [00:12] This one is called focus your energy than let it go... [00:15] Do you get through a day and feel like you've been spinning your wheels? I can tell you that my life has been like that in great measure this week because my baby will not sleep and I can't get a blessed thing done. [00:27] Did I mention this is causing me stress? Because so much of our daily society is wrapped in business. We tend to start strong and laser beamed on Monday only to find... [00:38] We've been putting out fires through Friday. Instead of focusing on what matters most in good to great, a fabulous book by Jim Collins. He discusses what makes good companies into great companies. [00:51] One concept he shared was about the flywheel that as a company focuses on one major concept and then turns the wheel. No matter how long it takes to make that one turn, they should continue to turn the wheel until it creates its own momentum. [01:10] Then the wheel will take off in flight with hardly any effort. I find the same thing for my time and energy, and as you go through your week, remember the concept of one juicy goal per week. [01:23] That's what I teach... [01:25] This keeps your focus on exactly what will move you forward in the thing that absolutely matters most to you. When I lose sight of that and get mired in the 56th post-it note to myself, I realize that not much is getting accomplished. [01:42] I'm spending my precious energy on avoiding what is vital and feeling overwhelmed about the whole thing. So if you do this, stop and ask yourself, what is the most needful thing this week, this day, this minute? [01:57] On one particular day, I had really been fretting about what to share for this particular column and since I wasn't getting anything urgent accomplished, I went with the rhythm of the day spending a good portion of it, playing with my children who were not sleeping. [02:11] Did I mention, so I was sitting outside in the chair and enjoy the beautiful fall day, cheering my kids bike, riding from a chair can be considered plane, but still I had to be productive, so I brought out my 57th, post it note, breathe to heavy sigh and said, "Oh, what is the most needful thing to get done today?" [02:31] And as I thought about it though, there are about 257 things that could have been chosen. I honestly could not think of anything more pressing than to write this column. [02:41] Such a simple thought made it suddenly seem doable and everything else sort of melted away... [02:47] Miraculously at that same moment, I kid you not, my baby became sleepy and went down for a nap. My older children came home from school, gave me loves and told me about the day, then snacks and off to build a fort. [03:00] Unbelievably and unexpectedly, I ended up with this time to myself uninterrupted with an easy flow of, "Hey mom," from my little ones, while I type the column. [03:12] All was right with the world. So the point is to focus your energy on the needful thing. As you do, everything else melts away for a moment in time, including your stress and opens the door to doing. [03:27] If you enjoyed this excerpt, you can get many more on my Life Is Too Short Collection book and that is the best of the best from the Life's Too Short For One Hair Color, Life's Too Short For Linoleum, and Life Is Too Short For Sensible Shoes. It's the best of those essays and you can get them at Amazon.com. [03:45] Search Connie Sokol or the Life Is Too Short Collection book. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:00] Hi, welcome back to Balance Redefined. I'm Connie Sokol. [00:04] I'm thrilled to share with you today some thoughts about getting rid of this all-or-nothing mentality and instead being able to ameliorate it, being able to expand it, being able to work with it... [00:15] Instead of saying, "I've just got to get rid of it, which is so all or nothing, I'm going to get rid of it today. Just today," We're not gonna do that. [00:21] We're just going to consider some things that we can do to overcome and even expand this all-or-nothing thinking. So I want first for you to consider if you have an all or nothing mentality. [00:33] It could be just occasionally... [00:34] It could be about a certain category of things in your life, whether it's food, working out, working period. Maybe it's the way that you approach your life... [00:35] If it's more of like, "This is kind of an overall mentality mindset that I have," consider where you are on this all or nothing scale because this can be so damaging and you might be thinking, "Well, I don't know." [00:56] "I don't know if I have it that much," and if you're thinking that you probably don't have the all or nothing, but you'll know it because you can go immediately, "Oh yeah, I'm a perfectionist. I get really anxious if I don't do it exactly right," and you'll find that all or nothing mentality tends to lead to depression, tends to lead to that anxiety tends to lead to low self esteem. [01:16] We tend to define ourselves by these "I am this" or "I am that" and there's no gray area in between. The difficulty that you could probably recognize, and I think most all or nothing people really do recognize it, is that we're growing developing people... [01:32] So when we make such a hard and fast rule about what we are, what we aren't, what we'll do, what we won't in such a set way when it's not maybe something to do with morals or those kinds of core concepts, then we really start narrowing ourselves and limiting ourselves to who we are, what we can do, what we can become, and what we can have... [01:56] When we do that, we start automatically limiting other people. Have you noticed that when we start getting super strict with ourselves, then we start to limit and start to kind of judge and say, "Well I know that person shouldn't be doing that. They're kind of out of their box." [02:14] As we start to feel like other people are out of their box, then this all or nothing mentality kind of kicks in and you'll notice that people with this mentality, they sort of grab and push people down. [02:24] It's that law of the crabs where if you remember, you can leave a bucket of crabs without a lid because the other crabs will pull them down and so that law of the crabs kicks in because it's, "Well, if I can't have it and I can't be it, then you can't either." [02:39] And so these two contend to go together if you have this. [02:44] Have you noticed that? So this is something to keep in mind because as you engage in this sort of mentality, it just limits and decreases your ability and your enjoyment of life and then it does that for those around you and that means it's going to negatively affect your relationships. [03:03] And we know everything in life comes back to those relationships... [03:07] So let me share with you a few thoughts today. I'm sharing some things with my own and some things from a great article from Psych Central called, "Five Ways to Expand All Or Nothing Thinking," from Margarita Tart Kowski if I said that correctly... [03:20] Anyway, there are some great things in there, and I have some things that I want to share. So I'm adding just a little bit of things that she has mentioned. [03:25] But the first thing I'd like to share is if you have this mentality, I would encourage you to have a sort of a visual, a mental or physical jar in your mind or in your hand that you can grab something you can have around the house that you can use or in your mind, a mental jar... [03:43] Think of a clear, maybe glass jar and then consider what you think about yourself, who you are, what you like to do, what you believe in, what you feel is a good use of your time, and just some different things to describe you, then write them on little pieces of paper and put them in that jar mentally or physically, so a mental or physical jar and just write a word on there. [04:09] "I'm organized, I'm happy, I'm a contributor, I am a positive person," Whatever that you feel is really, really you in something that is core. Something that's going to be kind of a terminal, something that's really lasting for you. [04:24] "This is who I am and or this is what I love to do. This is what I enjoy. This is what I feel passionate about," right? [04:32] Write some of those things down on these little pieces of paper and put them in that jar and then wait a week, come back, pull out those pieces of paper and just start pulling them out and asking yourself, "Is this me?" [04:43] Is this true? Is this really true? [04:47] And if it is, keep it and if it isn't, reject it. You can read it, revise it, reject it, whatever it is that you want to do with it, but it is good for us to sit down and take a moment and really review what we think because so much of what we think is what actually becomes an action. [05:07] So if you have all or nothing thinking, it's so vital for you to sit down and see it on paper to see it so that you can review it and then revise it or reject it. So consider doing that little activity. [05:22] Again, if it's a mental charge, put it up on that shelf and add as you go along... [05:28] You know what? I used to think that I was someone who loved the outdoors and you know what? [05:34] I did that because our family had to go camping almost every weekend. I'm actually not an outdoors person. I actually prefer going to museums. [05:41] Maybe you can start thinking like that. So you can take that paper, throw it out and or revise it and say, "You know what? I like to occasionally camp." [05:50] Well put that back in so you can decide what's true for you. The second thing is to give yourself and others daily praise. Now, this may sound like what I'm going to praise myself, but the tendency for all or nothing people is to create extremes and sort of impossible expectations. [06:10] We'll talk about dealing with that specifically in a minute. So what happens with that is what follows is a lot of negative because that's a very high bar. So if you don't reach that, "Oh boy, you failed, you've lost, you're done. You didn't do it, and now you're a loser." [06:25] And it's so funny. My sweet daughter, one of my daughters, deals with anxiety, well a couple of them do, but this one, she was talking with a psychologist and he was giving her a great analogy. [06:34] She was talking about how she was getting nervous about some different things. He said, "Yes, it's like going in to take an act test then, and you forgot your pencil and then you say, 'I forgot my pencil. I'm not going to be able to finish this test. I'm not going to be able to get into college. I'll just find myself being homeless. I'm going to live in a van in a box down by the river.' " [06:51] And so by the end he has this little analogy at the very bottom. It's, "I'm going to live in a box," and so now to help her with anxiety when she starts kind of magnifying and distorting, that's what I call it. [07:03] As soon as something happens and we're so extreme, we magnify and distort it... [07:08] If you have that kind of mentality, then what happens is that you start going from, "I forgot my pencil," to "I'm going to live in a box." And so now when she has a moment like that, it's so funny because she'll say something and then I'll look at her to go, "And I'm going to live in a box." [07:23] So it lightens the mood and it gives her a coping skill to be able to say, "Okay, it's all going to be good. So in order for us to get to that place, and maybe I'll just start with the B plusser thing because that's the B plus, and we'll come back to daily praise. [07:37] But the B plusser mentality is where that comes in and helps with that, where if we don't have these impossible expectations, we don't have these extremities, then we can keep it at a B pluss. [07:47] Did I do an 80 percent today? Did I do an 80 percent today? Yes, I did. And so good job, great job. And that's where we get to the daily praise when we keep our expectations realistic. We also realize that there are some things that need to be 100 percent. Right? One hundred percent honesty, 100 percent fidelity in marriage, those kinds of things... [08:07] But when we go, "Oh, you know what, today I didn't get all those projects done. I didn't get those things turned in like I had wanted to. You know what? I was going to be super patient with my children and I yelled." [08:17] So we get to that point and we go, "Okay, there you go. B plusser." [08:22] You go back. You say, sorry, you go back. You say, "You know what? I'm going to stay up and turn that in. You go back and you redo it." [08:29] That's being a b plusser because you're doing the best you can that day. [08:34] So let go of these extreme rigid expectations and do the best you can by being a B plusser, and then you can see by my little example there how it naturally follows to the daily praise because if you were doing a b plusser idea of your day, then there's lots to praise. [08:52] "Hey, I went to work today even though I was totally sick and yeah, everybody may do that, but I did it." Well, not sick, contagious, but you know, didn't feel well... [09:01] "You know what? I finished that thing and I gave my word that I would and I did it." [09:06] That's great. Even if it wasn't beautiful, even if it wasn't perfect, maybe that cake didn't look just right for that charity event you said that you would bring it for and maybe you know that it could look better, but B plusser... [09:17] So you can praise yourself and others for the good that you did. [09:20] "Wow. You know what, that turned out good. Even though I had to do it on the fly, it turned out good." [09:25] That is not being egocentric and you'll notice as I mentioned earlier, the more that you are positive with yourself, the more you will be positive with others. [09:35] Now, of course the caveat, we're not sitting and being like in the mirror adoring yourself, okay? That's not what I'm talking about. Too many people walk around saying negative things to themselves. [09:47] If you ever found that you have a negative dialogue running in your head and before you even know it, you're knee deep in it. It's, "Oh my gosh, I should not have said that. Why did I do that? I always say the wrong thing. Why do we even open my mouth? I should just not. You know what? I'm not even going next time. I'm just going to stay home and be by myself. I'm not even going to open my mouth..." [10:06] Do you find yourself getting to those and then it's to that extreme place and I have these conversations with my daughters all the time because especially as teenagers, that negative voice is so loud in their head and it's so sad. [10:20] We just went to an activity, it was a more of a spiritual activity yesterday. I'm a leader of a group of young women and they're between the ages of 12 and 18... [10:28] In the spiritual activity, one of the other leaders and I just leaned over. We were watching them and they were engaging and doing something really wonderful and service oriented for others and these kids just glowed. Oh my gosh. [10:39] They were just beautiful and lovely and wonderful and I thought, "These are such good kids and young men, young women, they were just taking their time after school, busy schedules of high school, all different ages and they were just serving and helping and I leaned over to this leader and I said, "They don't know..." [10:56] "They don't see it. They don't see how beautiful and wonderful they are." [11:00] I know those girls, and I had some conversations on the drive there. The things that go through their heads, the low self esteem, the I'm-still-less-than and, "Oh, I don't look right today," and all of those things... [11:11] You remember that back in the day being a teenager, right? [11:13] Everything was just so questionable and you second guessed yourself and you felt less than so often, and yet we as older leaders looked them and just went, "Oh my gosh, you're amazing. You're incredible." And I looked at her and I said, "You know what? When we're 20 years older from now, we'll probably look back and say the same thing. What was I stressed about? What was I second guessing myself about? I was amazing, right?" [11:38] It's always that way about weight... [11:39] You look back and you say, "Oh, I looked so bad in that outfit," and "Oh, I was so big", and then 15, 20 years later, you look back and you say, "I wish I weighed that. I wish I looked like that." [11:49] So it's just this natural cycle, but when we're aware of it, then we can stop it. [11:54] So I so encourage you to look at this daily praise and say, "Wow, I did a good job with that." It doesn't mean you're going on and on about it. It means you're just saying, "Well, I'm validating that I did that, validating my efforts, validating my work, validating my intention, and validating that I did good." [12:10] So it's a daily praise, and as you do that for yourself, you will find yourself doing it for others... [12:16] Now, I would encourage you, if you're not comfortable doing that, starting with yourself, then flip it around. Start it with praising others, and I love doing this because you never know what might be the only compliment that person has had all day, especially our children. [12:32] We don't realize how often we're just saying negative thing after negative thing where it doesn't sound negative to us, it just sounds like, "Get this done. Go do this." [12:40] But it sounds negative to them and they're yet to hear something wonderful from us. So guess what? That helps to eliminate that all-or-nothing mentality and the possibility of passing that onto our children. [12:52] The last thing to help combat this, overcome it, and expand it is what are your options? [12:58] Instead of saying "it's this or that," what are the options? [13:01] I love this concept of the "third way." You have the one way that you can see the other way that you can see, but you just can't see any other way out of it. [13:13] This is kind of the Moses principle from the Old Testament where he's got the Israelites. They have left from the slavery and the pharaoh's chasing after them. They've got chariots behind them. They get a whole lot of water in front of them. They see no option out. There is no other way. They are stuck by this big sea and go, "What in the world have you gotten us into." That's when he prays and he is able to part the red sea and I call that the "third way." [13:42] It's the third way. It's the way they didn't know was available. They didn't know it was an option. They just didn't even consider it, but guess what? God knows there's an option. [13:51] He knows there's a whole lot of options... [13:53] We just can't see it, and especially when we're in an all or nothing mentality, or we're in a stressful situation. It's extremely difficult to be able to see more creative options and think outside the box. [14:06] So I invite you when you're in a situation or you're doing something, consider what are all the options? What could be the third way? [14:15] Alright, so there are some options for you to try to overcome or expand this all or nothing thinking, right? It's creative, physical, or mental jar of who you are and put those papers in. [14:26] Take them out and revise and reject whatever it is you want to do with it... [14:29] Second, B plusser. Get rid of those extreme limiting expectations. [14:34] Third, involve yourself in daily praise of others and yourself, that positivity of great job, good effort, whatever that looks like for you... [14:42] And lastly, what are the options? What could be the third way? [14:46] Alright, stay tuned for more from Balance Redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:01] Welcome back to balance redefined. It's Connie Sokol and I have a fabulous things I want to share with you today. [00:07] They're in real time because I've just experienced this and I really want to share this while I'm in the moment. [00:13] So for our timeframe, whenever you're listening to this, we have just had Halloween and we have experienced the day after which is the Halloween hangover. [00:22] It is real people. It is real... [00:24] That sugar thing that coming off that high. Honest to Pete. [00:29] Anyway, so I've had four children at home and doing the Halloween thing, but this actually started before that. It's just kind of come to this apex during this time, so I want to take you back for a minute... [00:40] As I'm talking about creating trust and respect with your children... [00:43] I want to take you back to just before that because for some reason I had been noticing this upswing in my children. There was this kind of moodiness and this kind of entitled kind of talk and conversation. [00:58] Have you experienced that with your children at all? Whether they're young or they're teenage or their adult? I have them in all three. I have elementary, junior high, high school and out of high school right now. [01:09] So I run the gamut... [01:10] I just kinda kept getting these pulses of this moodiness, entitled responses and expectations. These are good kids. Trust me, they are really good kids. I love them. They're great. I can say that as a mom and an unbiased person, they're good kids, but I just watched this sort of... [01:25] You know when you get on the top of the hill and then it starts going downhill and I don't know why that is. Someone explained this to me because you're working at, as a mom, you're trying to keep this happy, joyful environment in your home. [01:38] In fact, I'm going to do a podcast about this other piece, but my daughter just told me the other day that I was just way too positive. [01:44] Yeah, I was way too positive... [01:45] I'm like, "Girl, you need to get out more. I going to have you go live with one of your friend's parents that wake up their children by saying, 'Get up,' instead of, " 'Good morning, darlings.' " [01:45] Anyway, so you can see this moodiness and entitlement... [01:45] How do I respond to this? [01:45] Well, my tendency is to be like, "Oh, are they having a hard time? Well, what can I do more to be helpful? Maybe I can help them with their chore or maybe they're just struggling at school and I talk with them..." [01:45] Yeah, there's some struggles and so I try to do kind things, but then what happens? Then I noticed that because I make it easier for them, what do they do? [01:45] They love it and they kind of unintentionally maybe intentionally at times they take advantage of that and they like the easiness of the way. [02:27] Certainly not like me... I mean who doesn't want to have the easiness of the way? [02:32] But anyway, notice this moodiness, entitlement, and this sort of expectation... [02:37] That should have been my first clue that this was going to be a learning experience, but you know how when you notice something that's going on in your family dynamic and then it sort of all funnels into one symbolic representation of that. [02:50] So maybe a situation, experience, or a word set this off. For me it was piles, it was these piles that my daughter leaves around the house. [03:00] I have a daughter who just literally wherever she goes, kind of that pig pen thing, She's just so fun and happy and joyful that you don't really connect it until you walk around the house and you see all these piles. [03:13] I've expressed to her before, kind of with the laughter, but I literally can look at and predict what she did all day long by going around the piles. [03:22] "That's where she came in from school and put her stuff down, and then that's where she got her snack at the counter, and then that's where she went down in the family room and she was watching a show, and then this is where she went upstairs trying to figure out what she was going to wear and then left it all there and then went downstairs. [03:34] I can just follow it and I will share it with her and I am literally spot on. I am not prophetic. It's just pretty much predictable. So these piles, these were the things that were becoming a trigger for me. [03:46] Do you have that as a parent where you know it's not the thing itself, it's the repetition and the annoyance and the inconvenience all the time of this thing and so these piles were just getting on my nerves. [03:59] I'd asked, had been sweet, I'd been encouraging, I'd offered that kind of incentive. I'd done a lot of different typical parental things and still the piles continue. I mean we're talking for years. [04:09] Okay. So about this time I happened to see in my closet this book that I had read years and years ago it's called "Leadership and Self Deception," and it's by the Urban Institute. I know that because one of the people who is in charge of that and the founder is Terry Warner. He was a professor at the college that I attended. [04:28] He actually had a friend who was in his program. When we were hanging out together he would read a lot of his stuff and share it with me. [04:34] It was amazing, amazing psychology... [04:41] In fact, one of the best speeches that I've heard, if you go to BYU speeches, it's "Honest, Simple, Solid and True." I believe that's the name of it, but it's fantastic. [04:53] It's a talk and I've highlighted it. I've got a copy of it that I refer to and read. It's wonderful... [04:59] Okay. Segway back in... [05:01] So I pick up this Self Deception and Leadership book. I walked by it again and I thought I should read that book now. So I picked up the book and that night I started reading through it. [05:17] I had no intention of reading a lot. I was just gonna read a little bit and just see if I liked it again... [05:22] And I really did. I loved it... [05:24] This is the concept that hit me. It's what this whole book really is about. It's being in the box or out of the box. Now, if you remember, this was kind of a buzzword many years ago. It really came back to me in the box or out of the box. [05:39] Let me simply explain. [05:40] In the box means that when you have a choice of how you want to behave, you will either do the good thing that you know you should do or you're going to stay in the box and defend blame, justify, or excuse why you aren't going to do that good thing that you know you should do. [06:03] So he gives an example and this character in the book and he says, "So the other night, my wife and I were asleep in bed. We hear the baby wake up except that I'm the one that heard the baby wake up first. I'm laying there hearing the baby and I'm thinking, 'I should go get that baby and I should do that for Nancy and I should go get the baby for her.' " [06:22] Then the very next thought that comes to him is, "why do I have to do it?" [06:26] "I had a presentation this morning, why do I have to do. I work really hard. That's her job, like why is she sleeping through the baby and why is she still laying there when I am now feeling...I got to go and get this baby like that's not even what I'm supposed to be doing." [06:38] Before he knows it, he's blaming, justifying, excusing, and doing all of these things and suddenly his feelings towards Nancy change to negative emotions. [06:48] He's annoyed, resentful, frustrated, judging and what's Nancy doing Nancy's asleep. She's out. She's been up with that baby since day one and so she's out. [07:01] Right? I can totally relate to that-having four kids ages six and under. Oh Man. [07:04] And you're on call every 45 minutes, hour and a half and you're just thinking, "Is there a day that I will ever be able to sleep a full night sleep again?" And the answer is, "No." [07:14] If it's not then and later on, you're worried about them as adult children. I don't know. Anyway, it's all good. I actually do sleep really well now because I've learned some really great coping skills that I'll share in another podcast. [07:23] So back to the "out of the box in the box..." [07:25] Have you ever found yourself doing that? Maybe you didn't turn in a report on time and before you know it, you're blaming so-and-so who didn't get this stuff to you in time, who didn't send you the email and you didn't do blah or you're kind of telling us sort of a truth, but not really because you're leaving out some information just so what makes you look better, but you're in that box and you're staying in that box and you are defending being in that box. [07:49] So I'm reading this and I'm thinking, "Am I in the box? When am I in the box?" [07:56] Guess what was the first thing that came to me? Piles. [07:58] I thought about my daughter's piles and guess what I thought where did she get that from? Like where does this come from? She gets it from me. I realize full on she gets it from me. [08:14] I could see right around me, before me, in my room. I've got the next to my desk, I got my stack of books to read pile below my desk. I've got a stack of books in a basket and to stack pile. I've got a pile of papers that I've been meaning to file and I started them and so I know exactly what I'm doing with them, but I just had that little bit left to do pile. I've got my scripture study stuff over by my chair, my books and my information pile.... [08:41] I have piles! [08:42] I did not even realize that. This did not hit me until this moment and I just started laughing and I thought the first thought I had about my piles was, "Well, yeah, but I keep them in my room and they're only my room and I know what they're for. When I'm reading and when I want to read the right there and when I have my piles for my business stuff and build stuff, I know what they're for. I know what everything's for." [09:05] Well then that makes it all better, right? Because I'm the mom and my piles make sense? Hello? They make sense to my daughter. They make total sense to her. So it was a beautiful learning moment. So then I had to decide what am I going to do with I am learning. Right? [09:23] So I was grateful that I decided to go ahead and have a family council and we did and I said, "Sweetnesses, I really need to talk about this principle..." [09:31] And of course they're all on a snoring, right? They're all like, "Do we have to talk about serious stuff?" [09:36] And they're all crowded on the bed and on the chair next to my bed and it's late last night and we're talking and I said, I want to share this with you. I don't want to get your thoughts on this. So I shared the concept of in the box and out of the box and my experience with the piles and the one daughter has the pile. [09:52] She's nodding off because she's just had three hours of dance and a crazy busy day at school and she is seriously exhausted. And I'm like almost pinging her like, "Hey, wake up, this is important stuff. This applies to you." [10:01] It's okay because it's just not ever going to be one of those hallmark moments right in the movies. [10:06] It's just going to be what it is. So we plowed on and what was beautiful is that my sweet daughter, one of them, when I said, "Have you seen this? Do you experience this? Because this is my experience. What's yours?" my sweet daughter who had been moody and rude, she said, "You know what mom? I actually was thinking about this last night and the night before." [10:26] The night before it was Halloween. I had gone all over tarnation getting the right things for her party that she was having. And she wanted to have the Harry Potter butterbeer that's the cream soda. [10:35] She was excited about the pizza and then these yummy treats and different things that I was gathering for everyone to have a really fun time. [10:41] What happened is after her Halloween party, she came up so exhausted that she was cranky. [10:45] Then she was cranky the next morning and I was like, "Hey girl, where's the payoff if you're cranky and anxiety ridden during just stressful times, but then when you have a party in your anxiety ridden, like where's the payoff for us, your family members?" [10:58] So she said, "You know what mom?..." [11:00] "I realized I went to bed that night and I was thinking, 'Mom did a lot of nice stuff for me today and I was actually kind of mean." [11:09] Nice. She had that learning course. I kept it inside saying, "You could have expressed that to me and I would've really appreciated it," but the bottom line is she got the learning and that was a pretty amazing moment for me is that she got it... [11:23] She apologized and we talked about what we can do differently to be out of the box and how we can be kind and loving and not blaming, justifying all of those things. [11:33] So we ended up making a choice. I said, "If I continue to see that behavior when I've tried to be extra kind, what I'm going to do is just be kindly candid. I'm going point it out and there's going to be a consequence because I've tried it this way and that didn't work, so we'll try it that way." [11:46] And they agreed. They totally agreed... [11:47] So I said, "The consequences will be one of three choices. I'll either give you an chore, I'll take away a privilege, or I will charge money because it will depend if I want a pedicure or not. So that will be the deciding factor." [12:01] But they were beautiful and they all agreed because this has been going on for several weeks and it's time for it to stop. I've done all the nice-nice. No more Ms. Nice-Mom. So we all gave little loves and we had prayer. [12:14] It was a thing of beauty and I'm like, "Oh good job. Everybody. Nice work." [12:19] I woke up this morning and they woke up happy. It was a good thing and everybody got out the door and it was beautiful and that was fantastic. [12:27] Then I walk in and sure to shootin' that one daughter had her clothes dropped on the floor and she didn't take out the garbage like she promised she would last night. [12:35] So I had a choice in that moment and I thought, "You know, I'm going to follow through on the consequence when she gets home." [12:43] The difference was that I did not have the same anger or frustration. All of that was gone. It was gone. And I didn't have that same annoyed feeling about it. I've just felt very clear and very clean inside. We've talked about it, we've agreed on it. [13:03] This is just about training and helping them to learn a life skill. [13:07] That's okay. So even though I have to dole out a consequence, there isn't this feeling of, "That's it!" you know, that sometimes we get as a parent, "Okay, I have been so patient and now the hammer is down." I love that in the movie from Pixar with the, about the moods Inside Out. [13:23] Whereas like the foot is down, the foot is down, and sometimes we feel that way as a parent. "Now I'm really going Parent today because you have been taken advantage of me and now the foot is down." [13:33] I didn't feel any of that. I just actually felt great love and I smiled to myself and I thought she's doing great. [13:39] She got up and she got up happy and that was her ability to move forward on that and now she'll be able to take it to the next level. She'll be able to pick up those clothes and she'll be able to remember to take out a garbage because now there'll be an incentive to remind her, which is what I call those consequences, those reverse incentives. [13:57] So anyway, I just wanted to share this with you because it was such a beautiful experience of being able to let go of that anger and let go of the frustration that I had. And again, I've mentioned this before, but I truly feel the number one tip to remember in parenting is not to take it personally. [14:17] Sometimes what we do is when they don't pick up their clothes or they don't do the things we've asked them to do, they don't come home on time, they don't do these things and they do it over and over. We start taking it personally. [14:27] But if we want to create an atmosphere of love and trust and respect with our children, between them and us, we really need to go through some of these steps. [14:37] So let me take you back for a second and first not take it personally and realize that what we're doing is we are training, we're teaching, we're modeling, we're giving them the opportunity to learn life skills. [14:50] It's not that they're trying to be mean and rude and whatever. They're at their appropriate age levels and stages of life. And I'm expecting them to act like they're adults. And so it is important that we come at it from, wow, how can I experienced this or deal with this experience in a way that will increase the trust and respect of my children? [15:14] So I could have at the very beginning when there were moody and Annoying and this entitlement thing, I could have just ripped them a new one and said, hey you guys, this is ridiculous, like you have the best life ever and you just saw that go into the orphanage. You saw that. [15:28] So how can we even say those things are complaining about this or whatever. I could have just responded like that and not that I haven't in the past, but when we go at it from a proactive lens of, okay, how can I deal with this increasing trust and respect, I was able to take what I was learning for myself, apply it to myself first. [15:48] Wow, do I do that? Do I have an experience like this? Is there something here that I need to learn and then be able to say, okay, let's have family council. How can I do the buying with this? How can I get their thoughts and their experiences and their perspective? [16:03] Because maybe just maybe I'll give him that opportunity to see it themselves first and then they'll be able to share with me their own insights. So if you recall what I just said, I was so excited that first I saw the learning, which was miracle, right? I saw the learning and then create an opportunity for us to talk about it, which was on our big bed so that it wasn't this, "My eyeballs are in your eyeballs" and then it's all serious and look what you did wrong. It wasn't like that. [16:31] It was more of like, "Okay, how can we have this discussion about it in a comfortable, safe and familiar place?" [16:37] And then it was, I really am going to listen to you. I want to hear what you have to say about this. This is how this is feeling to me. Does this feel the same way to you? And I gave them the opportunity to share before I ripped him a new one. [16:49] No no no. [16:50] So I gave them the opportunity to share and I was so happy to see that there had been learning that I wasn't aware of and that they just had not expressed to me. Thank goodness saved their bacon. [17:01] And then we came to a place of understanding. Now, again, not complete understanding because one of my kids was sleeping, but this understanding of, wow, I respect what you've said and your experience and I appreciate you respecting mine. [17:13] What can we do to resolve this? You know what? I think we can come up with this X, Y, Z solution, and that's what we did. [17:19] We said, "Okay, this will we agree that if we don't do these things, then we agree to these consequences and you can choose which one that is and we will know that we've agreed to it and it's fair." [17:31] I love that kind of communication and connection and I felt in that moment I felt that spirit. I felt that goodness. [17:39] I felt that trust and respect increased between us and that was proved out by when we had family prayer, that one child that had said, "Hey, I was thinking that maybe you know, you had done so much for me and I was kind of mean." She actually included in her prayer and she's not kind of one of those...thrill prayers or like, [17:57] "Hey, let's really have prayer." Really loves it... [17:59] But she said, "Wow, we are really thankful for what we've talked about tonight and thankful for the family that we have and the feeling that we have here. She said some really sweet things, so it was worth it. [18:10] It was worth me thrown out that anger and frustration and doing it differently. Owning my own stuff, giving them an opportunity to own theirs, to create that increase trust and respect between each other. [18:22] So if you want more on this, I have a studio five segment. If you go to http://conniesokol.com/ you can get my latest studio five segment. I talk about the relationships with your children, secure, insecure and dysfunctional attachments and how you can strengthen and increase those. [18:36] You can also get it on Ksl.com/studio five, so you can get those and as always, if you want more of this kind of everyday living and upleveling that everyday living, you're welcome to go on my website and get my free masterclass, five keys to balance redefined and you're welcome to get that masterclass and learn a whole bunch of wonderful things. [18:56] I'm loving the feedback that I'm still getting from people on this master class of how its blessing and changing their lives. [19:02] Again, that's at [inaudible] dot com and you can just go on the homepage and it's right there. Always love to share anything I can that will help boost you and see the good you're doing and then up level where you want to up level and I love you sharing with me the things that you've learned. [19:17] So please feel free to post below and share some tips that have worked for you and creating trust and respect with your children. And feel free to put #team. #teamlive, #parenting, #parent connection, #trust, respect, connection, whatever sounds good to you. [19:36] Put that Hashtag on them. We want to share and get it out there. Thank you so much once again for enjoying and sharing and connecting and listening and get ready to get more Balance Redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:01] Welcome back to Balance Redefined! I am giddy this morning-yeah, a new word. I'm giddy because I just finished my workout. This is the motivation and inspiration that I had literally while I am doing my Zoomba. I was holding my phone and making notes for this podcast because I felt so happy. [00:19] When is the last time that you have felt happy working out? If you work out regularly or if you're doing it, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't, then I'm telling you I forgot. [00:30] I forgot how good this felt and I'll tell you why. Over the last, I don't know, 10, 15, 20 years, you know, I have been up and down having seven children with weight and all of that, the weight loss, weight gain and all of that. I've exercise to some degree over those 20 years, but as far as loving it, not until I figured out my own little method did I start loving working out. [00:51] And so here's my thoughts for you today: three tips to get off the couch and jumpstart your fitness. I am so excited. I'm trying to hold back my energy to not be so gushing because I will share with you what happened. [01:04] I usually do a variety of things. It just depends on the season and how that works. So several months ago I was doing zumba because it was the beginning of the year into the early spring. Then when it hits like late spring and summer I like to switch it and I go walking. [01:21] We have a park in an area that's just right by us and so I like to do that, but right now it's the fall and while I was doing that, you know, we had had these experiences recently where we had had Back-To-School... [01:32] Then I had gone to that trip with my daughter to pick her up from nannying in France. So we had gone to Europe and then came back and then we were evacuated for the fires. Then we had the flood and sandbagging for possible flooding. [01:43] Then right after that, we'd already scheduled to go to this week long orphanage trip to help with the orphans in Mexico. So we've been kind of busy and we have not really had a consistent on a workout schedule. [01:53] Have you been there? You're just like, "Literally, I don't know if I can fit in sleep right now." [01:58] All during that I'm doing all kinds of things because my business partner and I had started kind of exploding in lots of different things that were happening. [02:04] Then I had to take care of those while the kids are at school. So it was crazy. Has it been crazy like that and you're like, "I don't know how I can fit in?" [02:10] "I don't know if I even want to fit in working out quite frankly." [02:14] And that's really where it stems from. It's that beginning desire. Right? But here's the deal. Sometimes we wait until that desire hits us. When guess what? [02:23] We have to get that desire... [02:25] We have to jumpstart it with doing something to create that desire. Because generally speaking, it's not going to like show up in our wheaties is not going to walk down upon us like a sweet little air freshener. [02:37] It's not going to happen that way. So what happened this last week is I was going back through some cradle life plan things, module stuff and I started retooling at the end of the year. I like to retool my life plan and so I don't wait until January. [02:50] I like to kind of assess the year, November, December, really have an evaluative, enjoyable, kind of a spiritual thinking back and evaluated last year. [02:59] Really I'm calling from all the wonderful experiences I've had learning from the ones that were not that wonderful. [03:04] Then I'll share more about that with you in another podcast when it gets a little bit closer to that, but how you kind of do your year end review just in a fun way. [03:11] Not like in a tax audit way. No, like in a really fun way really if you can take an overnight or hotel and that kind of thing. So I want you to think of it in a positive. [03:19] So this was my feeling this last week... [03:22] I had this nice little time when I was by myself. It was amazing that I was able to have that... [03:28] I just had my little notepad, my little legal pad, my pen, my sticky notes, and cuddled into my bed all nice and cozy with my pajamas. I was really thinking and praying about my life. [03:40] Anyway, I started writing down some things and one of them was I wanted to get back into regular workout schedule because I remember my soul remembers how good it feels. Sometimes we don't remember. [03:51] We forget. And it's like after you have a baby, then you say, "Oh, that baby," and you're so happy that you kind of forget after a while the birthing process and all of that. [04:00] And that's what makes the, you know, the human race still, you know, continue because it propagates by the fact that we forget the pain....ha ha ha! [04:09] So it's reversed... [04:10] We forget the joy of working out and we only remember the pain. [04:14] So I am here to tell you, I just finished my workout and I feel so fabulous. I feel energetic. It's like my soul just went, "Oh Connie, thank you..." [04:24] "Thank you for cleaning me out. I feel like I just got rid of toxins. I just was able to get all that oil out of the car, all this fresh clean stuff." [04:33] I felt like I drank 64 ounces of fresh clean water. I had so much fun. And guess what? It was only 20 minutes. Twenty minutes. [04:42] So I've just got three quick tips for you today. If you're like, "Man, do I get out of bed? Do I get up off this couch? Do I stop watching Netflix and do I really do something?" [04:53] I'm here to tell you, "Yes, yes." [04:55] And it doesn't matter if you do it for five minutes, for 20 minutes, for 45 minutes... [04:59] It doesn't matter. What matters is you move. If you don't remember anything else I say in this podcast, move. [05:06] Your body craves movement and we know all the benefits... [05:10] We know all the benefits. We're not dumb. We know it helps our incredibly helps our immune system, our nervous system. It makes her skin glow already. I feel like I just had this cute, shiny face. Your metabolism is higher. [05:24] You burn calories even after you work out. I mean...your bones are strengthened. There's so many benefits of working out. I seriously want to smack my head on the wall and go, "Why don't I do this? This is a no brainer." [05:37] But we still end up making it a choice, don't we? And I'll tell you why we make it hard on herself. So here's three quick tips, okay? First and foremost, you must make it enjoyable. It has to be enjoyable. [05:51] So let me tell you the three right away, enjoyable, simple, and sustainable. So the first one, enjoyable. You've got to find something you love. [05:59] If you don't like walking, then don't start with walking. If you don't like yoga, don't start with Yoga. Start with something you love. And if you're like, "I don't know, when I like," stopped whining and find something. There are 50 bazillion things out there. [06:13] Find something you love... [06:14] There is yoga, tight-chi, maybe bowling, gardening, yeah. All of that is a workout, right? So figure out what it is that you love to do. [06:25] I love to dance. Now I always say there's two kinds of workouts, right? Really two kinds of workout people. There's athletic and there's dancy and the Dansie people, they love Zoomba. [06:36] They love Yoga. They love flexing their body and doing kind of cool things. [06:40] I would say sometimes even for dancing people, yoga is a little bit of a stretch. Ahah! Pun intended... [06:46] So the dancing people though, they like to move... [06:48] They like that quick step. They like to feel their body do all these kinds of contortions. The athletic people, they're like, "I can't do three steps together to save my life, but I can do burpees like for an hour..." [07:00] So you get what I'm saying?... [07:01] So find something enjoyable, find something you love. I love Zumba and I love the movement,and oh my gosh! [07:09] I have these dvds and I put them on this morning and I thought, I'm just, you know, I might got my kids out the door and I could have gone back under the covers. It was such a cozy fall morning and I didn't. I said, "You know what? I'm just going to try it. Do a couple of minutes, just kind of get back in the groove, see what I need to do," and guess what? [07:25] My shoes were where they were supposed to be. [07:27] My clothes are where they're supposed to be, and that's in the simple. You put those things exactly where they need to be so that it's simple to do. I knew where the DVD was. I knew I had to bring the clicker. I knew I had to pull the little decorative carpet off the hardwood floor downstairs so that I could dance. I knew this rhythm... [07:45] So give yourself a couple of times to be able to get in that rhythm. Once you find something that you love to do and it's fun. In fact, I even call my workouts in my program, the balance redefined program, FUN workouts, and it stands for-For Your Nurture- so FUN workouts. [08:02] Once you find that FUN workout, then go to that next step. Make it simple, have FUN. Have those clothes where they need to be, have the dvds where they need to be, have your gym pass where it needs to be. Have your car ready to go. You know you have gas because you're going to go in the morning. Do all of those things so that you are prepared for success so that it makes it simple. [08:20] If it's not simple, I'm not doing it... [08:23] In fact, this morning when I had that first thought I was getting the kids breakfast and blah, blah, blah, and I thought, "Oh, I'm going to go change my workout clothes right now because I know my personal success mantra is if I put on my workout clothes, I will work out." [08:37] The percentage of success for that is 99 percent, because I will not take off my workout clothes unless I've done something. It feels like a waste of energy to me. Now it takes me about 35 seconds to change clothes, but it is a mental game. [08:52] This is all a mental game, so mentally I know if I've got my workout clothes on, there's 99 percent chance I'm working out, so find a way that makes that simple for you. And again, if it's a DVD, make sure you find it. I want to start doing some melodies and I know I have some dvds that I like and I'm going to go find them in the workout drawer so that they are handy for me to do. [09:13] I know my daughter, she loves yoga and she has these youtube videos that she does with this Gal. Please post your comments below. I would love, love to hear what you have to say about the workouts that you love so that we can all get some fun ideas and maybe some things we hadn't considered, so please comment and post away. I would love it. [09:31] It will help and bless other people's lives. But she loves yoga and it's funny because she won't do it for awhile, but then once she starts it, she can't stop. She loves it, like loves doing it and she does it at night. [09:44] I know for a long time I did body for life and I loved it, but I got so freaked out about not working out at night until I saw that there was a couple in there that had actually lost weight and gotten fit and in shape and they did it at night together. [09:57] So that's a great thing to do. Do it in a way that makes it simple and doable for you. [10:03] That takes us into the last one which is sustainable. Make it sustainable... [10:06] I have started looking at gyms that are right around us so that I only drive five to 10 minutes because if it's longer than that, not going to do it. [10:16] If I have to drive longer than I would work out, I'm not going to go there. That's all there is to it. That's just me and I want to find a gym that I can take my kids to because guess what ? [10:26] I talked with my kids. I got the family buy in and they said they would love to go to a gym a couple of nights a week. There's a place that my child, my six year old, can play and the rest of them can do the things that they want to do. Their total family experience. Right? [10:39] And we're not doing it all the time. So if we do it on our family night night, then we can do our regular kind of learning life skills. Part of family night on Sunday night works great. [10:48] Then we can go party on a Monday night and then afterwards if they want a smoothie that's healthy, great, because I'm telling them stop worrying about carbs and calories and all of that. [10:58] Move and eat balanced and eat healthy and at this stage of your life you will be great because they're young, they're teenagers and it's working. It's keeping them healthy and strong without being obsessed. So sustainable... [11:11] That's why I do the Zumba Dvds. I know that if I can get up and do that 20 minutes then in the morning it's done. I'm showered, I'm ready for the day. I'm not worried about anything after that. It's optional. [11:23] Another thing is, the reason why I switched to walking in the summer is because, like I said, I can do it with my kids. [11:30] My six year old can go play on the swings. I have my teenagers. One of them stays right there and she does her art because she likes to do more stretching stuff and then she'll do her art right there, so she's watching him and the others will go walk around, but we still see him as we walk around and take our laps and it's beautiful. [11:45] It's outside. It's in trees. It's lovely. We have just this gorgeous park area where you can still see things, but then there are these trees that are dotted around. It's beautiful. [11:55] So make it sustainable, make it something that you'll love to do. [12:00] Again, three quick tips to just get you jump started because we forget... [12:04] We forget how good it feels and that's why I wanted to podcast right now. I don't know if you can feel it, but I hope you can feel my energy and my desire and my joy because I feel so good. [12:16] I am ready for this day and it's a Monday. I am ready for this day. I've got meetings, I've got a bunch of errands. I got stuff to do with my kids. I've got a whole bunch of stuff. We've got a holiday coming up in a few days. It is just, it's busy, but I am clean and clear and I have this energy boost. [12:33] I know I did it for the right amount of time because you should feel energized after you work out. If you're not feeling energized then you either didn't do it for the right amount of time or you did the wrong thing, so find that thing you love, do it for the time that feels good and do it in a way that is sustainable for you... [12:50] I promise you it is something you will keep doing for life. I keep coming back to these. It's been 20 years. Like I said, I keep coming back to doing dvds and walking and Zumba palates, doing a little bit of weight training. [13:04] I do strength and toning. This little lunges and squat routine that I do, it's like 15 minutes, and I do lunges and squats and some jumping jacks and some crunches and I love it. [13:18] I do it while we're listening to scripture. I do it while we're watching a show in the morning if the kids are getting ready. There my little one just wants to watch wild kratts. I'm doing it quick while he's doing that and just getting kind of awake for the day. [13:29] So like I said, it brings joy. It brings joy to me, brings joy to my family, and it's something that is doable for a lifetime. So I invite you. [13:39] Get up off that couch, get up out of that car. Go walk extra to the grocery store. Park farther away from work, all those extra steps, they matter, they count. Do things that will make you happy and that you can sustain... [13:53] ... and you will feel the benefits of fitness. Not just weight loss or weight maintenance, but that beautiful skin, the higher metabolism, that beautiful appetite for healthy things and that feeling of your body moving in such a beautiful, happy, healthy youthful way. You will be thrilled. All right, stay tuned for more balance redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… [00:01] Welcome back to balance redefined. I am Connie Sokol. I'm so excited again to have you back for more. I am. Seriously every time. Excited. [00:09] Even though I say that I'm happy, excited, thrilled, It's really true. I love this. [00:14] So today I want to share with you some things that we learned as a family-three particular things that we learned as a family by taking our particular fall break that we have during our school year and doing a what I call, "connect vacation." [00:29] I wanted to do something special with my children. This here is my goal that I want to share with you the ideal, the apex that I think most parents have, which is they want to take some time off, be with their kids and do something that's meaningful. [00:48] Do something that's connecting to something that makes a memory that's very memorable and it's not like at Christmas. [00:54] We always say, "I'm so tired of giving them toys and things that they are going to throw away, they don't remember the month that they even got it, so tired of stuff and themes and materials..." [01:03] I really want to make more memories. I am big on that. If you know my staff, I'm always talking about memory makers and that's why at Christmas time what we do is we alternate years between a trip or something that we make a memory and then maybe getting a few selected things on the next Christmas so that we kind of alternate it. [01:22] Well, what I really wanted to do was do some kind of humanitarian service. So this is my vision. You know, how you as a parent, it's almost like when you decide, "Oh, I want to like have a musical family, and it's going to be great." [01:35] I've got another podcast on that and you should listen to it because it's hysterical, honestly, because of the situation. Not that I'm terribly funny, but the situation was funny... [01:42] But you know, you have this vision of how you think you would like things to go. [01:46] And then there's the reality and there's a lot of humor in that. [01:50] So it's okay. "It's all copy," as Nora Ephron says, but what I really wanted was this amazing experience to connect all of us together. What I really wanted was to have a sort of family trip that didn't involve screen time a whole lot. So we connected together emotionally. [02:08] And the second thing that we did good is that we just did something good and the kids would feel that goodness of doing good. [02:15] Now these are good kids and they do good stuff all the time. It's not that they don't, but I mean in a focused, clear way that "Wow, we did good." [02:22] And then of course I wanted to have fun. I wanted to have it be just fun, fun, fun. I don't think we as parents have enough fun with our children and I think they feel that way too. [02:32] We kind of squeeze the fun out of life after the age of 32... [02:36] So anyway, number four would be to, like I said, "Make a memory." [02:41] So here's my vision. I want to connect, do family time, do good, have fun, make a memory...This is all the dream of fall break all in four days, right? No biggie, totally doable. [02:53] But the problem is that my sweet children did not catch that same vision... [02:57] So I had seen this information about some different humanitarian services, and I'd always wanted to do them. [03:06] Then I was at the school during the Halloween parade where all good things happen. I'm standing talking to a mom I didn't know. We get chatting. Turns out her boy is in my boy's class and we connected on that. And then she mentioned that what they do is this foundation for children. [03:20] It's called a Child's Hope Foundation. And they do trips to orphanages across the world, mostly in South America. And I was like, "What? That's fantastic." [03:30] Well, the thing I loved about this one is it was very affordable. Lots of the ones that I was checking out for $2,000-$3,000 a piece for a person and that's before you even get there. This one even included how to get there. So this one was only $340 at the time and I'm sure it's still there right now...But $340 per person that is so doable and the conditions were a lot like...you know, in our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We have girls camp. [03:55] So if you can imagine like a camp experience, there's wooden cots, kind of bunk beds in a building, you know, it's like that. It's that kind of an experience. [04:04] And so that looked really doable... [04:06] So I thought, "This is fantastic." [04:08] I was on fire, came home and shared it with my kids. They were not on fire. I will just say that. [04:12] You can imagine because the kids are thinking, "it's our fall break. We get to chill out. We won't know anyone." [04:19] We knew no one. In fact the gal from the parade even wasn't going. I found that out later because they do so many trips, and she had had a family tragedy that happened, a family emergency on her side and so that she was not going to go down... [04:33] So you know, we really weren't going to know anyone at all and the group was going to be smaller this time and only about 20 people. And that means that the work that they do down there would be things like construction projects, painting and fixing and landscape if we need whatever. [04:48] That means that all the work is going to be done by a lot less people. And then of course there's the drive there. We were driving 10 to 12 hours to get there. And then of course that includes in the four days, then the time to get back. So you can see the problem. [05:02] So long story short, I'm trying to sell this to my kids and they're like, "[snore]," you know? I mean, they're great kids, but they were just like, "Well, it sounds like a really great thing," i.e. "Do we have to do this right now?" [05:15] This particular vacation, I prayed about it, felt really good, peaceful, and I thought, "I think this is a good thing. Let's move forward." [05:24] So I got all the things we needed, all the documentation, everything in place, smiled, we did a little family night with the orientation, we said, "we're going to be great," we'll have great snacks, and went forth in faith, right? [05:39] So here's the three things that I learned and they were phenomenal, phenomenal things. I would do this experience again in a heartbeat. It was, spoiler alert, fantastic. It was. It was just what I wanted and needed it to be. [05:55] These things that I learned is what made it so, in case you're looking at doing something like that for yourself... [06:00] This is not a sales pitch on this. I get nothing for this from these people. They don't even know I'm doing this podcast, but I want to share the things that we as a family gleaned from this because it was so purposeful and magical. [06:14] First, the first thing that we learned was from being with the children, the actual children in the orphanage. There were about 80 there that people just leave on their doorstep. [06:22] They have people who have children from drug lords. I mean they have everything. They have special needs children and a house that's just for the special needs. I'm not going to share the exact orphanage because it kind of protects the children, but it was truly amazing to see how well cared for those children were and how well adjusted they were. [06:43] It was amazing. I thought it was gonna be a sad experience and it wasn't. [06:45] I mean it was of course, because they don't have families. They're going to age out all of those things. But the director had actually adopted several kids who had started to age out. [06:55] I mean, they're just amazing people and he himself was a child that was in that orphanage. He then left and got schooling in the United States, came back and is running the orphanage. I mean, just the most amazing people. [07:07] Anyway, what we learned from those kids was they did not push back. They did not. They did not. They did not have any diva kind of attitude. They did not have any, "I don't want to be with you," or anything. [07:25] I mean, here's these people coming in that they don't even know... [07:27] We learned not to push. We learned not to get in their space unless they were comfortable with that, unless they wanted that. [07:34] We simply offered to be there and offered to play with them on the swings, and offer to play with them and have a fiesta. But they did not need to do anything more than that. [07:43] And my kids saw that these children, and they don't call them orphans, they call them children, these children, they were blessed by just...my kids were able to just be with them and we all could just be. [07:58] And it wasn't like they were a charity case and it wasn't like we had some agenda. We just could all be, which was wonderful. [08:04] And the second thing that I learned from these children was their ability to make the best of whatever came to them and still to be kind. [08:12] You would think in a situation where you didn't get all the presents that you wanted or all the fun things that you knew other kids were getting that if they're suddenly presented that these kids would be a little greedy or desperate. [08:19] These things were things that we've all brought down. [08:21] Nobody told us what to bring, what we just brought some things. We particularly brought a couple of scooters. We brought bubbles, sidewalk chalk, sticker coloring books, sticker books, crayons, and things like that. [08:31] My daughter went ahead and sacrificed. She had a long-board and a penny board that was very meaningful to her. [08:38] But I was super proud of her because she, with a little encouragement from mom, she was so good. And at the last she brought it down, they were very meaningful to her. She'd earned those. And they were, they were special to her. [08:50] But those kids took turns and shared. The most meaningful part me was we had brought these little boxes, you know, the nine 99 box legos you can pick up at Walmart and we brought those down, a couple of those for the boys or the girls, but the boys were the ones who wanted to play with them. [09:05] I from years, you know, having four boys, I had years of training with Legos. I sat down and played those Legos with them. I helped to build them in my poor Spanish trying to eek out, "Donde el bano?", trying to come up with something that would help with the Legos and translate. [09:23] But I actually did pretty good and we'd say, "listo," and "seguro," and "bueno," and anything that ends with an o sound. I just kind of stuck that on the end of everything. [09:34] Anyway, and I was helping them. It was so cool that they were just dying when I pulled those legos out. They were so excited and everybody wanted to kind of hoard them at first. [09:43] This little boy came up to me and he was kind of tugging my hand and he was pointing to the Legos and he was like, you know, basically saying, "Me gusta." That he wants to try it and "Quiero," and whatever. He wanted to try it. [09:53] And I was like, "Te gusta?" which is I'm sure not even right. But anyway, so getting the idea and the other boy who originally had the Legos, he was like, "Nah nah!" [10:02] He was not letting go for love or money... [10:05] But this little boy kind of looked at me and I said, "Por todos. Por todos." and trying to get across that this was for everyone. And this sweet boy, he took one moment and you could see, oh, he was thinking. [10:16] He was thinking hard. Then he not only opened the box up to this little boy, but he actually showed him like I had been doing with him. He showed this little boy how to put the pieces on. So what I was having them do was find the pieces in the pile and then showing them where they could put them if they didn't know, and then they would actually put it on. So I wasn't doing it for them. [10:40] He was doing that for this little boy and he kept doing that. It was the sweetest, most tender thing where he didn't have to do that. [10:47] He could have hoarded it technically, but he actually was doing that sharing. [10:50] Oh, that was just a tender moment for me... [10:52] One other tender moment with the kids was, this little boy, I will not say his name, but we pulled out bubbles and he squealed with delight about these bubbles. I mean, not just, "Oh, this is so fun," but he SQUEALED with delight. [11:11] My kids have never made that sound over bubbles because, you know, we get them at the dollar store and they're super available. So bubbles have lost a lot of their novelty. [11:20] But this little boy was just thrilled to the nines about these bubbles. And it just made everyone laugh and rejoice and feel joy. And we found ourselves finding joy in those simple things in our lives as well. [11:33] It was so fun when we came home and I took my first real shower... [11:37] Those were my kind of bubbles. I almost squealed in delight on that one. So you know, it's all relative. So that was learning from the kids. That was the first thing. We can always share no matter what little we have, we can always give. We can always share, we can always bring somebody else into joy or gifts that we have. [11:54] And then not to push, just let those connections be. The second thing I learned was from the others that were in our group, they were amazing, amazing. [12:04] You know, statistics show in any group of 20 people, you're going to have 10 percent that complain, 10 percent, that don't work, 10 percent that you know, the 40 percent that are just mainstream, and then the 20 percent that do everybody, do all the work, and do everything kind of the go-to backbone people. [12:19] Anyway, I don't know what all the percentages add up, you know what I'm saying? Give or take. So they were all amazing. They were all workers. They were all kind. They were all clear what they were sharing and wanting to do. They were all helpful. It was truly incredible. [12:35] We had assignments for breakfast and even when it wasn't their assignment to help clean up, they would help clean up. I mean there were just that way and very low key about it. Very Meek, very humble people. Strong, wonderful, amazing. But just very humble. [12:50] Particularly what I learned is that there were two men in the group that were lawyers and here on their off time with their family coming down and doing this as lawyers. Now I know I'll throw in a lawyer joke, right? But I have to tell you, these two men were salt of the earth and my daughter and those two men, when we got there, they asked for different talents that people had. [13:13] They said, "We want to do a mural." They're really big on murals there. And they said, "Who has artistic talent? Well, my daughter, two of them have great artistic talent." I truly am the mom that is like, "They are so good." These two men had had artistic experience. [13:26] Now the one was a lawyer and the other one was a marketing guy that actually had, as I'm thinking about it, that there were two lawyers, but one was a lawyer that was doing art and another one was a marketing guy and then he also had majored in art, so these two men took my girls under their wing and they went into this room, this big house thing that had people coming in and out. [13:46] It was very open and they had toddlers on the one side and people to care for them and stuff. [13:51] So it was all open... [13:51] They respected my daughters' talent. They ask them questions, ask them what they thought would be best to do, ask them how they thought was best to approach it, treated them like adults in their thinking, in their abilities. [14:06] It was beautiful. [14:08] This one daughter is the one that gave up her longboard. She was the one that was the most anti to go and she'd be the first to tell you. [14:14] Even the day that we're driving, she's like, "Do we have to?" You know, just making no longer short of it that she did not want to go do this. [14:24] Well, these good men, they asked her opinion. She said, "Well, I think we should do a Marvel theme. What about doing the superheroes and all of that?" Well these kids, turns out they love the avengers, love the whole Marvel thing. [14:37] So these three artists and then my daughter, the youngest one, she went into the preschool area, and she did like a cityscape with skyscrapers, and stuff like that. That was more along her level and flowers and in airplanes and stuff like that. [14:49] She did a beautiful job and with a couple of other little ones in there to do that like you know, 12, 13. [14:55] Anyway, my older daughter, that's 15, she is accompanied these two men, and they are taking their time, and talents to teach her. She is learning from these masters and they are asking her opinion. [15:05] How do you think that made her feel? How do you think that grew her self-esteem. How do you think that made her confidence grow in the knowledge that somebody felt she could absolutely do it and that person was not her mother? Right? [15:19] So they did this incredible mural. They had the Hulk holding onto the Cape of Thor with his big hammer and lightning coming out. This is on the wall like almost life size ironman, and then my daughter did Spiderman and Captain America and they were incredible including Lion Heart. Absolutely incredible. [15:38] These men, even though we thank them profusely, they will never know what they just did for her. She got done with this experience and said, "I could totally do this again." [15:46] Not that she wants to do it any time soon, but she said, "It was amazing." [15:50] It was great and she loved it. So my thanks go out to these men who took the time to make a difference, not just in the kids in the orphanage, but the people that were there, my own girls, and they did that for others. It just wasn't my kids. [16:03] Everybody was making an influence and a difference on other people's families. [16:08] And then the third thing that happened was for my own children. [16:11] It was a thing of beauty to see us all pulled together as a family in a situation that was unique and different than what we were ever used to. [16:20] The dust was everywhere, the showers that were iffy, we had to reconnect a hose, yet you couldn't drink the water, so we had bottled water. We had to, you know, threatened everyone with their lives to not drink it. [16:30] Just the different things...walking all over to get to places and we shoveled gravel. [16:36] I mean we're talking two mountainous piles of gravel. We did painting. We painted this big building and it was awesome watching how that worked. [16:48] I watched them, you know, we're all, we're painting the building and we're all problem solving and they're giving their ideas of what we can do. [16:54] My oldest daughter was with me and we're like, "Okay, well we could use the picnic bench as a double, as a ladder and here we can do this, and we can use this and put paint in cups, and then we can paint the pillars." [17:03] That way everyone's throwing in their two cents. I'm watching my kids, they're working hard, they're getting up early. They're making breakfast, and meals, and making it for 20 people. They're connecting with these kids. They're playing with them and even though they can't speak the same language, they're learning some different words and short words that they can share. [17:22] My sweet daughter who didn't want to be there the last night we held a fiesta and she was like, "Can I go back to our room so I don't have to?" [17:29] You know, the room is like cement floor and wooden bunks, right? With sleeping bags. And I said, "Well, if you can hang and play with them for just a few minutes, I totally understand. You've given your all this whole week." [17:40] And she even stayed through the fun time to finish this mural at the very last of the last day so that they could have it done before they left. [17:47] She had just been amazing... [17:48] I turned around and saw her dance with those kids. She was dancing with the dog that I told her not to pick up because they all have fleas, but she was totally enveloped and invested in these kids and in this experience it was pretty amazing. [18:04] I have a video just in case I ever need to use it of her doing this. [18:09] My other daughter, my youngest, she is a dancer. She just gave those kids permission to get out there and dance and have so much fun. [18:16] And one of the women there, one of the wives, she came down with her husband and what? That was the one that was a lawyer... [18:22] She said, "Let's do the electric slide." So we put it on... [18:24] We were teaching them the electric slide if they want to join in. [18:28] It was just magical. It was just the most wonderful thing. My kids learned that they could work hard and they could do hard things. They could talk to kids that didn't know the same language. [18:39] They could get up earlier than they ever thought that they could and do all of these life skills that they didn't imagine they could do. [18:46] And then the last thing I learned was that when you have those good desires to go forth, do something good, and try to make a difference, of course you get back more than you ever imagined. [18:57] It was still a fun vacation. I'm telling you, these people know how to do this right. We still went to the beach for a day and we all got to play. The kids played in the water, and they all made friends with each other and with all the families that came. [19:12] Then we had a soccer game, big championship soccer game with the orphanage kids and all the families that came, the adults. Of course they creamed us solid. [19:23] We went shopping in a nearby town and we bought up all their Mexican vanilla so we can take it home as Christmas gifts. [19:30] We went into these shops, and they were so thrilled to have us for the commerce. Then we got to eat at beautiful places, some that were on food network's top places to go that were somewhat nearby that we could go to and have this wonderful food and then local food...etc.. [19:45] Oh my goodness. I can't even tell you the deliciousness of the local food. This quesadilla that they stuffed with vegetables and shrimp and the special kind of cheese. It was just... [19:56] I mean, my mouth is watering, just thinking about it. [19:59] So guess what? My kids thought, "Okay, we're going to go down and do good." And guess what? They were blessed for those good desires that they were pulling up from the depth and they were blessed. Beach shopping, amazing food, fun. [20:14] And then the cherry on the cheesecake, the cherry on top, which was this memory maker of the connections they made with these kids of this orphanage. [20:24] Seeing that they made a difference and did good and being able to say we really saw them. I kept thinking of that talk of "Behold," and I've mentioned that before by Rosemary Wixom, but they really looked in their eyes... [20:37] The main thing that they could say is, "Como te llamas?" And so they could ask all their names and that's what they could know and that's how they could relate and it truly was a thing of beauty. [20:46] So I saw in this experience, if you've ever considered doing a humanitarian trip or something like that to have this kind of experience with your kids, it met all of those goals that I had for us. [20:58] It meant that we connected and had hardly any screen time just on the drive there and back. The drive by the way went beautifully just so you know. [21:07] We were able to do good. We were able to have fun. We're able to make a memory that everybody enjoyed. It truly fulfilled all of those things. I know that we made a difference in those kids' lives. I know it because I saw it. [21:19] So if you're interested in this, I will give you information. Like I said, they don't even know I'm doing this... [21:23] It's ACHF that's a as in apple, c as in cookie, h as in happy, f as in friend-ACHF-and it stands for achildhopefoundation.org or just look up a child's hope foundation and you can look it up and it's a beautiful website, has all the information on the trips they take and how it works. [21:42] They have a video orientation and that's what we do with for our family night. It was truly amazing. We will be going back and we will be supporting their efforts. [21:50] I saw the blood, sweat and tears from the people who put that on and spearheaded it and the founders and they were amazing. One of them that came down, he was one that was a basically a cofounder and from my understanding anyway, he was just right in the mix, shoveling gravel, doing everything that needed to be done. [22:07] No debo, that kind of thing, like not playing much, he's more whatever. He was just in the mix. Everybody just grabbed something and dug in and did what needed to be done. So really beautiful people are involved with this. So, so grateful. [22:22] Hopefully you've gotten some ideas today. Again, if you don't do this one, I so encourage you to check out something that is like this and next vacation, whether it's Thanksgiving, Fall Break, Spring Break, make a memory... [22:35] Make it where it's a connect vacation and ditch a lot of the screen time and be able to really truly see one another, and see the difference that you can make as a family. And I hope that you'll take that invitation. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back to Balance reDefined and I can't wait to share with you these thoughts on grit because there's still a lot of buzz about this topic. It was really big in 2016, but there's still a lot of buzz about this because so many parents are seeing children that are dealing with anxiety, dealing with depression, dealing with a lot of these different mental health issues that, you know, parents feel like 30, 40 years ago that just was not an issue. You just got up, you put on your badge and go to work, blah, Blah Blah... There's so many more layered things that are happening in our world today that there's this shift in how do we help our kids and ourselves become more resilient, have more grit, be able to handle hard things. Even though we're handling hard things every day, more so than we probably even realize there's still more coming at us. How can we help prepare our children as well as model and being an example of this grit and resilience? I really loved this. It's wonderful. What I'm taking this from is, you know, I find stuff everywhere, whether it's a magazine at the Orthodontist, or like this, it's the Costco magazine. It's the "Costco Connection." I do not get any compensation for this. Yes, I am a costco member. I love these magazines. They always have like some cool thing they had. Joanna Gaines had a lot of fun stuff, so I love this. This caught my eye. This is about a spotlight on an author Angela Duckworth. She has a masters from Harvard and a masters from Oxford as well, or a phd? It's one of those two. Anyway, very, very brilliant lady. And she also has the best selling book called, Grit.: The power of passion and perseverance...I just wanted to get the title right... So the power of passion and perseverance and the sort of the meeting place of both of those and how important it is to have passion and perseverance to create the grit and the resilience. In fact, what she shares as far as the definition of grit, because you don't quite a well, what does that mean? Grit. It's something I see on the bathtub, like what is this? She says, "I define grit as a combination of both perseverance and passion for long term goals, not just working hard, but also loving what you do, working hard on something that you love." In fact, she even founded and is the CEO of the character lab (a nonprofit dedicated to character development in students) because she started noticing that those people that had just traditional thinking, sat scores, Iq tests, all of those things could not predict more of these character traits that are just as important for success and for happiness in life. You find people who are super intelligent but they really don't have a quality of life that they want or that is satisfying to them. And so this is beautiful stuff. So I'm going to share with you five quick things that she shares about grit and resilience. She says, "There are four traits in abundance with the so called 'paragons of grit': resilience, willingness to engage in deliberate practice, passion, and a sense of purpose toward achieving a top level goal." So what was interesting to me, she said, "Self control is a bonus, but it's not a prerequisite." We sometimes think of like, "Okay, if you've got grit, then you just work at like four in the morning till midnight at night." She said, "No, rethink that. It's not about just endurance." It's not just about that though that is a key to grit because "enthusiasm" she says, "is really common, but endurance is rare, but it's combining the two and then doing it wisely." Now I loved that because you see people who work all day long but they don't have a passion they're working at and so it's just work all day long. Then you see people who are passionate about things, but they can't sit there bum in the chair and actually get something done. So it's just enthusiasm, unbounded and unfettered. And that is not necessarily a helpful thing. So combining those two, that enthusiasm and endurance to a longterm specific goal, now that's what we're talking about. That creates that grit and that resilience and that ability to see the results and see it through even during the tough stuff. So that's what she is talking about, which is what it sounds like to me. She said, "How do you know if you have this grit? How do you know?" And I had to think to myself, "How much credit do I have?" I mean, I can work if I need to do something, I'll get up at three, I'll get up at four. No one has to get me out of bed. I will make this happen... And resilience-if it's not working out, I'll find another way, and I'll find another way, and I'll find another way. But we all have those moments that we reach our max. When we're sobbing and we're into the Ben and Jerry's, you know, a whole pint and whatever because we're just at our breaking point. So how do you know if you have grit and what does that look like? And she said, "Here's the really cool thing. This is the third thing or the second thing. People who really are gritty often can in a sentence of 10 words or fewer articulate what everything they are doing is all about, so if that is what grit is, than the lack of it is not having that kind of superordinate guiding north star and then being easily discouraged by the setbacks." So you should be able to say in a sentence of about 10 words or less what your focus is and what is your specific long-term goal. People ask me all the time, "What is it that you do? What is this balance redefined?" And I say, "I help women and families live a life of purpose, organization and joy." Done. That's what I do, and so it's really clear in one sentence, "Oh, she teaches people purpose, organization and joy." And how do I do that? I do it through my Balance Redefined program being then they know exactly what I'm doing. What do you do? What's your passion? What's your purpose? Think about that. Write down some buzzwords. You know, I do this with my program, I do this with people in my classes. We write down these sort of buzz words that describe and start to tap into words that tell you what is your passion, what is your purpose? What is it that you feel strongly that you're on this earth to do, to leave that fingerprint? So consider that. What is it that you really want to do and focus your time and attention on? Because once you know that, then binge watching Downton Abbey isn't as appealing. It's great and it's awesome, but it's in its proper time. You're not avoidant and binge watching. You're actually rewarding all the work that you're doing by saying, "Wow, I worked so hard on this goal today that now I'm going to reward myself by binge watching, whatever." That's so much better than avoidant and watching. So it's the approach and it's the focus. It's knowing what you're doing and why you're doing it. That gives you the "how" to best do it. Does that make sense? That gives you the sticking power because you are really clear about what it is you're doing and where you're going, and so you know if there's a little speed bump in the road, you're not distressed. If there's a higher bump in the road, you're not distress, you're going to find a way around it. If there's an absolute boulder in the road's not a problem, you're going to get other people to help you move it, so that's because you are focused and you're not going to have discouraging setbacks that will make you stop with your passionate purpose. It may change the way you approach it. That's a totally different beast. That's what we should be doing. Shifting our approach as needed, but it's not going to change that driver of what we know we should be doing. So the third thing I loved, hopefully you're getting some great stuff already. I'm loving this stuff. The third thing is that she says, "We need to have a sense of purpose by not rushing children," and I would say ourselves, "into that long term purpose too quickly. " Now I see this, and I don't know if you've seen this, but it's all over society where it used to be back in the day you throw the ball with your children in the backyard when they're five. Well, 15, 20 years ago I started getting pressure from neighbors that I wasn't putting my five year old in a tee ball group. I'm like, "Why does he have to be on a tee ball team at the age of five? Why can't I just play ball with him in the backyard? I want to just hang with him." Which is of course exactly what I did and didn't worry about the pushback, but now 20 years later it's even more so. These kids are starting sports at eight and nine and 10 years old and it's not just your average, "Let's go do one game and everybody clapped and let's go get ice cream." It's intense. It's competitive and a lot of these kids are now going into advanced leagues and then they're traveling on the weekends and then they're doing these major tournament's. What sense is this doing to these eight, nine, 10, 11 year old kids is what do you think? Pressure. It put on them this intense pressure to perform, and it's something they used to love to do. Now the lines are blurred between hobby and joyful extracurricular to, "I must win. I must succeed. I must get skills. In fact I need to have a coach after hours to tell me how to really throw well." Then you see what happens is these kids are getting burned out by the time they're 12, 13, 14. They don't want to do it anymore. They're so sick of it. They're like they've adulted now in this sport and they don't even want to do it. This is a huge issue. It's something for us as parents to be aware of and cautious about and not feel badly about pushing back against the system. We were really blessed in our family that I kinda threw it out there to the kids of what they wanted to do. We were able to do one major sport a season so we could attend as a family and that was really important to me so we could support one another. So what ended up happening is some did sports and music, some did art, some did photography... They all kind of chose their thing and it didn't have to be a team sport. Now, don't get me wrong, there are great great things to be learned from a team sport. Do not get me wrong. It's wonderful. It's when we do it in an inappropriate time or approach that I think it has a law of diminishing returns and that means the thing we wanted from it actually gets less and less and less. In fact, it becomes a negative. So maybe ask yourself and your life, how is this working for you? Or are you able to let your children sample? And this is what Angela Duckworth says. She says, "Let them sample widely activities and sports and the spirit of play and not worry too much about practicing to become an expert or making a commitment that could last a lifetime." She said, "Young children should play and learn from that." I have told my kids that for years. I actually was blessed to be able to do that. I had a lot of drive and desire when I was younger. I wanted in junior high to try out for the talent show, and to do cheerleading, and student government. In high school, same thing, I did cheerleading and tennis. I wanted to do these things back in the day when it wasn't, you know, 52 hours a week commitment and it was so fun. I loved it and though I didn't go into any of those long-term, they built my foundation for me to go into speaking, into writing, and into having other opportunities with TV and radio. So even though it didn't actually specifically relate, it absolutely prepared me for those things... So we as parents don't need to worry that we're not preparing our kids if they aren't in 52 sports. It's okay. It's okay. All we need to do is help them find a passion, pursue it in an appropriate way that doesn't take over our family life, and in a way that helps them keep the joy, and still learn those principles of discipline, commitment, and all of those things. So "choosing wisely" as the Indiana Jones proverb would say... I think that's a beautiful, wonderful piece of advice that I can get behind. I love what she also adds on is that she says, "There is this wonderful positive correlation between grit and happiness." She says, "You know, there's something wonderful and especial satisfaction that comes from doing something really well and from loving it." And here's a quote she says, "It doesn't mean every gritty person is happy or every happy person is gritty, but it does mean that on average gritty people are happier and happier people are gritty to live those corollaries." I think those are wonderful and I have seen the same thing. There is this total satisfaction. We just came back from helping in an orphanage in Mexico. We were shoveling gravel, these mountainous two mounds of gravel, these big things of piles, and moving them over, and taking them to where it needed to be, and painting these buildings. There was such a satisfaction that we felt at the end of the day because we were passionate about helping these kids. It just was so fulfilling. If I was having to do that for my own yard, I don't know that I would have that same feeling. I don't know if it was the same fashion...may have needed a few more lemonades or some cold stone, but anyway, it was truly fantastic. I love that corollary, that happy people are usually greedy, and greedy people are usually happier to see if that's true in your own life. So that's the first three things. Number four is she said, I think it's pretty true that I think everyone can get grittier. I believe that she said this is her quote, "I believe that is true about pretty much every characteristic other than your height or eye color. Of course there are limits, but human nature is much more malleable than people think." Isn't that wonderful? So you may think, "Oh, this is me. I can't really change." Not True. Not going to be a crutch because we can determine how gritty we want to become, how much purpose and passion we want to have in our lives, and how we want to pursue that. We really do get to choose that even though we may feel like there's not a lot of choice sometimes there really is. We just have to find those workarounds and that's for another podcast. But I loved that she said, "One great way to cultivate that greediness is especially to be a mentor," and as a mentor, you know, that's what we do in our program. I feel so strongly about mentoring because you've been down the path. It's really kind of super coaching because coaching is fine, and it's good, and we do that. We call it coaching because that's the words that everybody gets... But really what we're doing is mentoring, because we've been down that path. Now we're turning around and saying, "These are the things that we've learned, potholes to avoid, paths to take..." With that, we still help people tailor it to their own situation in life so they can find their own beautiful path, but really avoiding the negative things that they don't need to go through that are unnecessary, that we all have to go through our own things to grow. So I love that she says, you know, "When you're mentoring, you're also benefited because you're being reminded of the lessons that you've learned in the past." And this is so true. As I do my mentoring calls, with groups or individuals, I love it because experiences come to mind. Wisdom that I may not have realized I have come out of my mouth. Success principles and things that I've experienced or learned from others are right there for people to partake of. And it thrills me. It brings me joy. It also helps them in their life. I think that's just an absolute joyful win-win. I love those calls. It fills me and them with joy and that's the joy of giving back. You're just truly mentoring, sharing and then of course it makes you feel happy. So that's a way to increase that grittiness that you may not have considered. Then the last thing she brought up, and I thought this was a great exercise, she says, you know, "New school year brings opportunities for students to make a positive change in their life or a new start of the year." So she proposed that children write "a reverse time capsule." A reverse time capsule and what is that? It's writing a letter at the beginning, so say in the start of the fall or the start of the year, what they will have changed by the end of the year. So by the end of the school year or the end of the actual, you know, calendar year, whatever that looks like to them. And she says, this letter kind of encourages them to gain clarity about their future. Now I have my kids do a little mini vision board. Like I said before, it can be a placemat that we put on the table. It's wonderful. I have instructions on how to do that, but it's wonderful because they keep that fresh in their mind of what their specific goals are, and their passions, and how they want to pursue them. So it's wonderful to do that. I think this letter to themselves is fantastic. I have a friend who did that and she did it before she started a program. How she was going to feel at the end of the program and what she was going to accomplish by the end of the program was fantastic. So I encourage you to consider doing something like that. Maybe for a family night or just even do it for yourself, and model that with your children and give them an opportunity to do that. To take a certain time frame, maybe end of the school year, end of the semester, or end of the summer, and then you say, "Hey, let's do this." Then let's say, "This is what we accomplished by the end." When we get there, we'll see what it looks like and what actually came to fruition. So there you are, five beautiful, wonderful key points about grit and how to get it, the power of passion and perseverance by Angela Duckworth and really fabulous stuff. I love this and loved being able to review and kind of assess my own life, how my grit, what my grit level is, so to speak, and what I can do to maybe notch that up and what I can do to celebrate whatever already done. Because you know I'm always big on celebrating where you are and then making a goal to move a little bit forward, even if it's just a matter of a few degrees. So check your grit level this week and see what you want to do about that with you and your family. I encourage you to try one of these tips today and stay tuned for more podcasts on Balance reDefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back to Balance Redefined. I'm Connie and I'm so glad you're here. I always am so thrilled that you are back for more connection, more scoops, more information, more insights to bless your life everyday. It's going to be a great one if it hasn't been already. So let's talk today about are you enjoying the journey? Are you? I know that's kind of a layered and loaded question because the journey on a given day, it depends if you're up high in the mountains are down in the low valley, but the point that I want to talk about today is how you can enjoy all facets of that journey and the reason why this is so important is it has been on my mind. I've been talking to different people and then this morning and our group coaching call, this came up again and this, this concern of, "I am going and doing like a mad person everyday and working it almost to exhaustion and I still feel like I'm not getting all the things done that I need to and I'm not really enjoying it. I get done. I look forward the whole day to putting my head on the soft pillow and my warm blanket, but then for what to get up early and hit that button and jam jam on it again." I kind of call it pinball living. If you could remember, back in the eighties, pinball where it's that pinball machine and you pull back that lever and then you have the pinball and you'd go coaching and it goes up and then it goes ching, ching, ching, all the way down and it hits going to the dentist and go into work and then taking your kids to their soccer game and then going to get dinner at home and then off to help a neighbor and then off to help a child to go to their choir concert and boom, boom, ching, ching, ching, ching, and down the bottom of the chute and back into the place holder. Because the next morning you go pitching and you start all over again. And sometimes it can feel that way and you think, "Oh, so what's the point of the kitchen? Like, why am I doing this on a daily basis?" And if you, my friend, have felt that then there's a couple of things that are missing from your life, the one that I want to talk about is that finding that simple joy. I hope that you can kind of imagine in your mind...We can kind of look at the things we have to do on a given day on a daily basis. And we forget that we wanted this package deal. You know, I'm big on talking about the package deal. I know sometimes I do. I wanted children and in most days I still do. I really love my kids. And yet there are days where I am just...and depending on the day and the number of children and age level of the children and of course, whether or not they're fasting from our church experience or whatever, but you know, on a daily basis, it just depends on those all those factors, how enjoyable that experience is going to be. But we don't have to make it be outcome based. We don't have to base our joy on what the day brings. We can actually choose joy ahead of time. I know for me, I can forget, like I said, these things that I opted in for and just think, "Well because I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to do a business to help women and families and and everybody being able to move their life forward with purpose, organization enjoy. Well then it should just be joyful every day because I'm engaged in good things." But I also find myself getting into this rut. I don't know if you've found this to where, I call it the "head down plow the row rut," where I've got this whole acre to plow and my head's down and I'm pushing the plow and I'm like, "I'm just going to get this row done." Ever been there? "I'm just going to finish this row." Then you put your head up at the end of the row and you go, "Well, I'll just do one more row and I can do it. I'll just put my head down and get it done. Not going to dink around. Not gonna have any fun. We're just going to get this row done," right? "We'll get there when we get there. Family vacation-we're not stopping for potty stops. Just do it. Just get there..." I can forget that if I stop and look around, number one, I'll see there's 52 more acres to plow that there's a whole lot more than I am to do and I am never gonna make it if I just doop my head down and plow the road every single moment of the day. I'm not gonna make it. I'm going to lose my mind. So what's key is number one is to look up and really see the beauty of where you are. Now that can be a hard thing because I know it's like, "Yeah, that sounds all pretty mystical, Connie, but I still have to get about 600 things done today and it only have about 12 working hours to do it." Now if you're feeling like you're in that kind of a spot and it's really more, "Oh, I feel like I've got too much to do and I don't know how to organize my time to get it all done." I have a FREE masterclass is called Five Keys to Balance Redefined. http://conniesokol.com/ You can check that out and you can really get some organization on how to focus on what matters most and how to get that done. Then get the other stuff done that's kind of in that second tier, and then the third tier tier levels, so that you can actually feel like, "Oh, I'm getting stuff done and moving forward." I'm not just saying, "Oh, I'm savoring and enjoying where I'm at today-going through a meadow with a basket of daisies..." I want to help you recognize that you really are moving forward, so you can check that out. Five keys to balance redefined. That's on my website, conniesokol.com and it's also on social media. So http://conniesokol.com/ Alright, so meanwhile the first thing is to look around and see the beauty of where you are at, because I can promise you, if you don't put your head up, look up and see all the goodness, it will not be a beautiful life. You will lose the ability to see the good in your life. In fact, I'm reminded of a story... Okay, comment below if you remember where this story is because I'm just going to paraphrase it... I remember the story of a man, and this is one of those fable kind of stories, but he lived in a magical city. It was gold and city. It was beautiful, absolutely stunning, and the streets were paved with gold, but every day they would. People would go and go to work and do their things. They would stop. They would talk to people. They would laugh and point out the beauty of where they lived and they loved it, and then one day some bright spark realized that if he put his head down, he got to work about 15 minutes faster and so he started putting his head down and got to work and save time... Now I'm all about saving time. Just a little excerpt there just a little segway... However, back to the story. The other people in the town started following suit. So here's this gorgeous town, beautiful flowers, gorgeous architecture, golden paved streets, and people start putting their heads down so that they can get to their places faster and be more efficient and day after day, week after week, more and more people put their heads down and guess what happens? The city disappears. And so I don't know where that story is, but I have never forgotten that. I have heard that like 15-20 years ago. I've never forgotten that. So look up, look around. Enjoy the beauty of what is before you smell the gorgeous air. Look at all of the rows that you have plowed. Look at the beauty of the rich solid soil that chocolate brown want to run your fingers through. And the smell of that yummy earthiness. I loved the smell of fresh mown grass. I love the smell of certain flowers that are so aromatic. You have your lie, lox and how gorgeous they smell in the summer and roses when they're beautifully done. Those roses are so fragrant. Oh, there's a spiritual sanctuary that I go to. It's a latter day saint temple and as I walk up there there was one particular temple has lots of roses in the front usually, and I literally have to stop. My kids are so embarrassed, but I stop and go, "Oh, this is so yummy. This is so yummy." I've noticed they walk a little bit farther ahead of me. I'm sure that's just a coincidence... Anyway, so look around at where you are and look up. See the beauty of where you've been and where you are right now. The second is to connect with people. Take a moment and actually connect. Now I know when you're buzzing around and you've got a bazillion things to do, that's the last thing you want to do, but when you're stopping to get your mail, take three minutes and say, "Hi," to somebody. You can let them know, Oh, you know, I'm on my way to such and such, but how are you doing? And you can let them know, "I want to hear more about this. ...Let's connect over the weekend, or let's get together next week, or I'd love to pop by..." something that lets them know "I care about you," so that you're not freaking out, "But I only have three minutes and I got to go to carpool." You can let them know, "I'm on my way to Carpool, but oh, so good to see you." Look them in the eye, listen to them. Getting that moment of connection person-to-person, that is just so vital that we experience that everyday and especially for women. Women need that connection every date. So if we don't have it, we're going to start dying inside. We're going to start withering. We're going to start disappearing. So consider how you can talk with someone for a minute. And you know what's funny is that so often in life, the problems that we have, the situations that we're trying to resolve, the information we're trying to get is often given to us by these little angels that we don't even notice because they look just like our neighbors or a stranger in the grocery store. I remember years ago my daughter was taking some art classes, and it was in the home of this wonderful woman and her adult daughter. So what would happen is while my kids were engaged and other things, my other kids, I would take her to this woman's house and I would sit in the front room. Then my daughter would go in the kitchen and the adult daughter of my friend would teach my daughter the art. I could kind of hear them, and it was fun. You could hear them laughing, talking, and things like that. I had 45 minutes to be able to get something done. So I would take my laptop and I would type on my book. Sometimes I could get an hour and a half, but usually it would round out to be about 45 minutes. But it wasn't very much time. So I had about 45 minutes generally and I tell you what, I would sit down, open my laptop, and it was time to go. It was time to get things done. So usually typically the mom would come in and we'd say, "Hey," we do our little introduction, kind of, "Hey, how you doing?" "Good thanks, so nice blah, blah blah..." And then she would go on her way and I would open up my laptop and I was ready to roll, right? Beautiful. Well, during this time I was actually really prayful about the school that my boys were attending. It was turning out to not be a very good experience and it was one of those charter schools and usually they're great. They were wonderful, but we just weren't having that good of an experience and I was just trying to be prayerful about which school to put them in and what would be the better way to do it. We had tried a bunch of different solutions, and they just had not yet worked. So that's where I was at…. So anyway, I go there this day, flip up my laptop, I'm ready to write and here comes, the mom starts talking to me, but this time she stops with just, you know, instead of just doing the superficial thing and stopping and moving on, she keeps talking. I have to tell you, I'm embarrassed to say that the more she's talking, it's going into five minutes into 10 minutes into 15 minutes. In my mind I have stopped listening to what she's saying because in my mind I'm like, "Lady, pudding pop, I am trying to get something done here! And okay, the universal language is being spoken, which is the laptop is up, okay? There's a barrier between you and me and I'm actively with my fingers poised, ready to type that gives you subtle cues of no talkie." So I'm starting to get really frustrated here... Trying to be, kind of trying, to be polite, but trying to give her a subtle more even more obvious cue by this point that we're done talking. So after it's getting past 15 minutes, suddenly this little feeling thought, you know, those feeling thoughts that come, a little feeling thought comes to me and says, "Listen to what she's saying, she's giving you your answer." So I went, "Oh." I start listening to what she's saying and guess what? She's a substitute in all the schools in the school district that we're in. And guess what? She knows how all the schools are and where the really great ones are in the great teachers. Oh my word. I just had one of those moments where you go, "Got It. Okay." So it was a thing of beauty. I've never forgotten that because I learned the power of talking with someone for a moment and people first, you know things and do second. So connect with people. You're plowing that row? Well stop. I love that. Robert Frost poem. I've mentioned it on another podcast in its actuality, but I'll just paraphrase it here. It's the one, I think it's called the Visit Anyway. It's the one where he says, "When I'm out, and I'm doing my land, and I'm plowing" and whatever, and the neighbor comes and says, "Hey, Ho," I don't shout from where I am at the field and go, "What?" I put my blade, my shovel in the ground, blade ended up and I walk up to the wall for a friendly visit. Now I've totally slaughterd that poem that is so beautiful by Robert Frost, but you get the point. It's. He's saying, "I don't just go, what? What's that? What do you need?" I put my blade in the ground and I say, "Okay, I'm going to walk up and have a friendly chat for just a moment because guess what? There's 52 more acres of rose to plow so I can take a few minutes to connect with another human being." Alright? The last one is to savor. In fact, this is such an important step that I actually include it in one of the formulas of one of my programs because it is such a huge step. When we skip it, guess what happens? We're missing the cream. We don't get the fulfillment factor. We just check off the thing on the list and we think that we get the hit from that, but not really because then there's the big wide gaping opening of, now I have another thing that I'm supposed to do, and so that weighs right on you. That kind of stewardship of "Now I have another thing," and opening that means I have something else that needs to be done. So instead we need to extend this savor time. We need to really have, for all intents and purposes, is a gratitude moment. Be able to pause whether it's a prayer or a specific set of words and our mind or a meditation or even writing in your gratitude journal. I do one every night. Even if I'm dead tired, I will write some things that I am grateful for and it has truly changed my life and continues to change my life. It's a very small thing. You've heard about it for years and maybe you've tried it, maybe not, but I'm telling you, it changes your life. Try it today. You can even put it on your smartphone. There's even apps out there that you can do little gratitude things on their super slick, but I so encourage you to savor the things, and I kind of alluded to it a little bit earlier in this podcast, but savor things, tastes, smells, sights, sounds. I just savor the taste of a fresh baked scones. The smell of that rain, fresh air. The beauty of the flowers. I know we have a place here that has gorgeous tulips, gorgeous, and they've been imported from Holland and they had acres and acres of tulips and they all come in the spring. They all bloom and you just walk on this beautiful kind of cobblestone path through trees and then tulip fields and oh my stars. It's so gorgeous. This poppy orange and bright yellow and and whatever colors. They mix it in with daffodils and all kinds of things and just these gorgeous, gorgeous flowers, but it's the tulip festival and it's just beautiful. It's just a wash with colors. So savor right now. What is something that you can savor? Is it that you're taking a break and you're resting? Is it that you have a beautiful new baby? Oh, savor that new baby smell. Is it that your lawns looking lusciously green? Is it that you're feeling that your children are all at peace and all is well with the world, is that you just had some beautiful financial windfall and you're going to savor all the good that you can do with that? What are you going to savor in this moment? Your health, your spiritual connection, your relationships with the ones that you love and friends and family that love and support you? What can you savor for just a moment and then I encourage you to take that next step and offer a prayer of gratitude. I believe in God and you can say higher power or universe or whatever that is for you, but just offer a prayer of gratitude. I can go through studies that share the difference that this makes in your your energy, your mind pathways that the wavelengths that you have through prayer and meditation actually shape who we are, so a momentary saver throughout the day. One minute, two minute, five minutes-it reap benefits and fruits for years and days and weeks to come. So I encourage you as you are doing these experiences on your daily do list, your daily life, you're going, doing that pinball living, and caching caching caching all day long, pause. Pause and enjoy the journey... Stop. Look around. See where you've come from and where you are now. See the good that you've already done. Then take a minute to connect with someone even if it's a little bit inconvenient. Then lastly, savor... Savor with a gratitude prayer. Savor with your soul. Savor with your senses. Savor the good that is in your life right now. I promise you will go to bed more fulfilled. You will go to bed happier. You will go to bed feeling like you did what mattered most. And like I said, if you want help on being able to actually manage the business of things so that you do go to bed happy, you can do the free master class, "Five Keys to Balance Redefined." You can get that at http://conniesokol.com/ . But meanwhile, remember that these three things are three keys to be able to enjoy the journey. Alright. Stay tuned for more balance, redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back to Balance reDefined. I am Connie Sokol, and I'm so happy to have you join me for some more life-changing information and connection… Today, I want to talk about something that I read in an article. Oddly enough, I was about to get a spa service - showing that that is a very worthy and good thing - but I was flipping through this magazine, which I don't usually get time to even at the orthodontist because you're talking with kids and things like that. But every now and then, I get to flip something open, and it's so joyful, and this was fantastic. It was Michelle Jones, and she is a clinical director of Concordia Families - want to make sure I get that right. It's a clinic specializing in family court-involved therapy and reunification services. But what she was talking about that was so good to me was understanding attachment. She talks about the way that we attach and respond to our - especially our - children and those kinds of attachments. There's three kinds of attachments, and it was really interesting to me, and I'll tell you why. She said that once she was observing a man who was feeding his eight month old son, and the son was seated on a high chair, and so he started dropping pieces of food off of his tray onto the floor - as they are wont to do. Having had seven children, gone through this experience. Just a timer to rinse and repeat. Literally. So anyway, she said this father kept looking kind of embarrassed about this, like his child was misbehaving or something, and he would swiftly give them a little spank on the hand, and he'd say, “No, no.” And the son, who's about eight months old, as I said, looked startled, but then he would drop the food again. And so when he do that, the father would do that. He would like hit him on the hand, and then he'd say to him, “Why are you doing that?” And so she was pretty bold and she said, “Hey, I just was curious why you're doing that.” And he said that he wanted to teach his son to have good manners and not to be rude. And she said she was surprised by his answer because she's an LCSW, so she's social worker. And she was like … “Um…” and then explained kindly that the infant's development stage and what he was doing, what he was learning something from that behavior. And so he was kind of misunderstanding his son's motives at that age. He wasn't capable of being rude. It was really more of a discovery process. And so she was explaining to him the whole concept of object permanence. You know, that between four and seven months, that babies, they learn when things go away and when they're covered up, then they come back. You know, when you play peekaboo and that kind of thing. And so what was beautiful is that this father was so kind that he responded, “Wow, I didn't know that,” and didn't realize that he was just reading his son inaccurately. And it sounds to me like he was pretty humble guy and being able to say, “Wow, didn't know that. I can do that differently.” What was beautiful about this is not only that man's response, but that this woman, Michelle, was kindly candid, you know. That's what I call it when you have to share something that's hard but could give someone a positive choice if you share it. And she was sharing with him that this was called “misattunement.” Misattunement is when you're reading that person's motives wrong, or when you don't attend to say your infant's needs because you think, “Oh, we don't want them to be spoiled or something like that.” When the truth is you can't spoil a baby obviously, because that's not where they're at on their level of development. When you quickly and appropriately attend to those needs that they have, then they learn to feel trust, and feel confident, and feel secure. So that's called a healthy attachment, and I love what she shared. I got thinking back to all the time that I have misattuned to my children and teenagers. This is a very common thing I think with parents. So if you're listening, you're going, “Oh my word. I've totally traumatized my children for life.” No, probably not. Most of us, you know, we don't have real handbook on parenting, and so we're learning as we go along, and that's the beautiful thing of why you're listening to these podcasts, and why I'm learning things and sharing them so that we can correct those things as quickly and as much as possible. So I want you to think - because I was thinking back on these things… And even just mostly recently in the last few weeks with my own children have, you know, have I been attuned to their needs or not? I don't want this to come across like we're catering to everything and every second we're wigging ourselves out because was I attuned to them. I have found for myself, you know, I'm an avid B-plusser. I have found that if I pretty much B-plus, 80 percent of the time respond in some positive, semi-positive way to my children's needs, they do great. They do great. This is not about being, you know, filling every jot and tittle for them. That actually enables them and makes them less resilient and less able to move forward in life. So I want you to consider a couple of these kinds of attachments and just see what this looks like in your life. She is saying in this article that a secure attachment allows a child to feel safe and protected and gives him confidence that he'll be taken care of. So that's number one in those three attachments that I said at the very beginning - secure, insecure, and the third one is disorganized. So secure, insecure and disorganized attachments. So these secure attachments are so healthy. There are so good. They allow the child to feel confident, to explore the world, and develop optimally. I was, I was thinking about my oldest daughter who is right now 19, and she deals with anxiety, threads of anxiety, and I've worked with her over the years to try to use coping skills to understand what those anxiety symptoms may be, how to prevent them, how to deal with them as they come, how to deal with them quickly so they don't get her down into this anxiety vortex. And I've watched as she has been also doing her part to be open to those coping skills because you can lead a child to the slurpee but you can't make him slurp. Right? And so I've watched how she's been open to those things, sometimes more open than others. And as she's learned these coping skills and been able to be open to stretching herself a little, she's been able to do more experiences and have more joy and more good opportunities come to her than she ever had before. And we were just talking about this the other day that she said, “Gosh, if I hadn't learned these things, if you hadn't taught me, if I hadn't learned them, I wouldn't have tried for these scholarships, I wouldn't have applied to these different colleges, especially out of state and one in Hawaii.” And then she was accepted. She said, I wouldn't have tried for this Nanning in France and gone and had an incredible experience for three months there. And I wouldn't have had the subsequent trip that we took her and I together to explore Europe together as part of her senior trip/moving into adulthood. So all of these experiences, she's realizing, wow, the more that I got these coping skills, the more confident she felt an exploring the world, the more confident she felt that she could handle hard things. And the more she tried new and stretching things and realized again and again, she was able and more capable to do those things. So to me that looked like a good secure attachment, at least for right now. You know, it's not talking about all the things that I've done wrong. So that was a good thought for me is secure attachment. So thinking your own mind, what's something you've done well with your children? We all start with what's the weakness but in different things that we learned. But I like to start with what we're doing. Well, I always say start with you're having success. So what does that look like for you? How does that feel for you? What in one of your relationships with your children particularly do you feel like you’ve done that well and that's taught them to feel trust and to trust and to be confident, and maybe to explore the world, and that they know that they are protected? What's some things that you've done for your children that way? And take a minute and just kind of review that in your mind and feel good about that and get that little mental pat on your back. Great job! Because most parents I meet are doing a great job. They're doing the very best they know how to do. Same with me… The next kind is that insecure attachment, and that develops when a child learns not to trust or is made to feel like they shouldn't have needs. Did you ever feel that as a child? Like you just couldn't have them because somebody else in the family was taking up more of the time or in space of, of the parents or something. And typically insecure babies will become more clingy and less able to be soothed. Now, with that being said, I want you to understand also there are genetic threads that come, because I also have noticed for myself. There's been some different things from the genetic pool that are not things that I have control over, and even not from my side or things like that that I still as a mom had to deal with with my children. So there was anxiety and depression and different things, aspergers and things like that. So I've needed to deal with those things. And because of those threads, I've worked with pediatricians and with psychologists and being able to say, “What can I do for my kids that will help them from a very early age?” So if your child is clingy and can't be soothed, oh my gosh, this very 19 year old that I'm talking about, she was so colicky when she was born. I could not put her down for four months... Seriously, I mean crying at the drop of a hat and so many of them. My asperger's son who just had to have the right toy or the right book or the right blanket, or he was just ... it wasn't being spoiled. It literally was that it rocked his world, and we didn't know for a long time why that was. And I was checking out with different doctors and things of what it was. So on those insecure attachments don't think, “Oh well, that must be me, and I'm doing something wrong.” That's not necessarily what that means. It just means you've been given a set of circumstances and genetic pool that this child has. So let's look at it that way... Let's not look at blame. Let's look at how can we solve this. I always say to my kids, “Let's just put this on a chair. Let's just look at it. Take a look at it, and see what are the things we need to learn about it, and what are the things we can do to deal with it so you have a better improved quality of life.” It's not really assigning blame. So we do want to go to an origin. I mean it is helpful to know if there's genetic origins, but we want to go to an origin. If you're being rude and mean to your child, well then it makes sense that they feel insecure. So go to the origins and be honest with yourself about that. The third type is disorganized attachment and that develops when a parent is abusive towards a child. And this is the most difficult and the most, the most damaging type of relationship - as you would understand - because it teaches the child not to trust their own judgment. They can feel and see that something is being done that's wrong, but they don't have the equipment, the mental acuity, to be able to say this is exactly why, right? It's really confusing that the same person who is hurting a child is the one that they must turn to for protection, as you can imagine. And I think there's a lot of us who can understand how that feels, whether it's been from our childhood, it's been an abusive relationship when you're older, whatever that may look like. So if you're dealing with ... I'm assuming that you are not abusing your child. If you're listening to what I'm saying, you're realizing, “Wow, maybe I am really confusing in what I'm sharing with my child, and I'm not being helpful and being consistent in the way that I'm behaving with them.” That is a great thing to start with is how are you speaking to your child? What is it? The kinds of things that you say to your child, are they positive? Even when you need to share something that seems a negative, like, hey, they're getting a failing grade or something. Have you done that in a kindly candid way? Have you sat down, and you've anticipated questions? You've expected that there's a reason why, and you're giving them that benefit of the doubt. You're giving them that opportunity to explain situation... I remember finding a receipt that had something on it that my daughter should not have been doing and I said, hey, can you tell me about this? And I shared that in another podcast, and she was like, “Oh.” I didn't need to blame. I didn't need to come in guns firing. I just had to ask some really careful questions, and she was able to let me know what had happened, and we had a really good bonding moment through that, which could have turned into not so bonding had I not been careful with that. So if it's more of the case for you that you are dealing with, say, an ex spouse or a family member that is treating the children poorly. This is a different scenario. I know that I just got a text from a friend yesterday that just said, “I am so stressed about my ex, and me sending my children into an environment that I know is negative and is not a healthy environment. How do I do that?” How do I work with that? And I'm going to share that in another podcast, the specifics. But what's really helpful is being able to help your children use their voice, and then be able to identify some of those things that they're going to face, and then give them solutions that they can use when they're in that environment. That way, even if they're in an abusive environment that you cannot control or legally can't change, that at least the children have some coping skills, and they have some tools on their life tool belt that they can use even when they're young. They still have something that they can turn to that will help instill confidence and trust in themselves, in their own judgment about what is right and what is wrong in the way that they're being treated. So this starts at such an early age in the day and age that we are in, starts at such an early age because there is so many dysfunctional things and relationships that happen - from workplace, school, place, home, community, even church. That really is key - that we teach our children these skills and teach them how to use their voice and teach them these things. So like I said, I'll share that on a different podcast, but just considered today, what are some of those attachments in your life that are the most meaningful, and what are the quality of, the qualities of those relationships that you have? Do you have these healthy, secure attachments, or are they insecure, or even disorganized? And what I call this is functional because the quality of that attachment is going to affect the children for their future relationships. It really becomes a prototype. And again, we didn't have perfect parents to create, you know, these amazing attachments. But we just kind of have good enough. And as I've said in other things, being a B-plusser is great because it gives you the opportunity to be just good enough and that's fine. In fact, researchers have noticed that in the healthiest relationships and secure infants and parents, even when they're misattuned, 70 percent of the time, 70 percent being misattuned, that it's okay because unhealthy relationships, parents quickly reattune after they have what's called an auto-attunement and attachment rupture. So if there is an attachment rupture, then you quickly correct it, and you kind of sew that back up and make amends. In order to do that, of course we need to be sensitive, and we need to be patient, and kind of first and foremost, we need to have awareness - because this awareness, it is what is going to set the precedent of how much you repair those disorganized or dysfunctional attachments or the attachment ruptures. The last thing I want to share with you is that what one other piece of this article that was so important to me is that she said the most important thing and forming attachments is not who feeds and changes the child, but who plays and communicates with him or her. Responsiveness is the key to attachment. Isn't that beautiful? So it's really who plays and communicates with that child eyeball to eyeball. So today, to take that first step and actually making them more secure attachment, I would encourage you, go home, look at your kids in the eyeballs and either play or communicate. Just ask him a question. “How was your Algebra today?” Not just how was your day. “How was your Algebra? Hey, how did things go with your friends? I know it was kind of rocky at the start of the week. Did that all get resolved with that group chat? Hey, how'd that soccer practice go? Because I know you were working on your kick. Did it go well or do you need some more pointers? I'd love to see how it's going, if you want to show it to me.” Do you see what I'm saying? Or just get down on the floor and play, and that's a great way to create a more secure attachment today... Stay tuned for more wonderful ways to ReDefine your daily balance. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back to Balance reDefined, and I'm so excited that you're here to learn a little bit more about some life topics. The one that's really been on my mind the last few days. It has been this concept of patience and kindness. How do you be vulnerable and be patient and be kind but not be a doormat, where sometimes you have to use your voice? Or you just say, “No, not today because I need to have this thing happened, or I need you to be able to own your stuff, or whatever it might be.” And sometimes, especially for women, I think we can think patience and kindness, and we want to be tolerant, and we just kind of keep going and keep being tolerant and keep doing and keep doing it until we break - until we absolutely pop. And then that's not pretty. So I want to talk today about what I learned with this... On my recent trip to Europe, I actually went to go pick up my daughter who was Nanning in France. She had been doing that for about three months, and, being an intelligent and good mother, I went to go pick her up from that experience - to connect and make sure she was just great getting back, doing a side trip for about a week in various countries - because that's what good moms do. Our job is just never done. So just got back from that... And the interesting thing is that the last few days I had had this feeling/thought - when I talk about that, that's more like to my heart and in my mind together had this feeling/thought that came to me of practice patience and kindness. And I was like, “Where did that come from and why is it that I need that?” I should have been clued in because every time there's anything to do with patience, you know what that means? It's sheer terror. You just know if you pray for patience, you want patience, then your life is just going to upheave, right? So I should have known this in a foreign country, should have just ignored it sufficiently. But I didn't. And so I started looking around and just saying, “What is this about?” And I want to share it - two experiences, because one's a smaller one and one's a little bit bigger one, but they both have the same concept that I learned. And so the first one was that when I was on one of the plane trips. It was a long trip, and so I was - you know, you get served all the different things. And you're drinking down a lot of water so you don't get puffy, and I really needed to use the restroom. So I went to the back and there's two restrooms, and, you know, you have to stand and wait. But there's this big block in the middle, so you can't really see which restroom is available first. So I kind of chose the one on the right, and no one was there. So I thought, “Okay, I'm good.” And after, you know, not to be too personal, but you know, once you've had seven kids, you really ... when you need to go you need to go. So I'm waiting, and I'm waiting, and I'm thinking, “Okay, people let's roll.” And then suddenly this little Asian sweet woman stands in front of me. Just walks back and just stands in front of me. Like she's going to take my turn... And you know, usually I'm like, “Hey, it's all good. We all have our things. Doesn't cost me anything.” This time it was going to be intense. It was going to be a problem if I did not go first. So finally the person comes out, and this woman, I thought, “No way is she going to take my turn, like no way. This is just the blatant.” And she did. She started walking toward the restroom and I was like, What? So I just gently tapped her arm and I said, “Excuse me, so sorry. But I believe it's my turn.” And she said, “Actually it's my turn.” And I went ... and she said, “I actually was standing in line, but I'm sitting here, and I just was getting the garbage off the floor and putting it in the garbage for my kids.” And I looked and sure enough, adjacent there was an empty seat, and I went, “Oh.” And you have this moment, this moment of decision - Am I going to stand on principle? Go, “Yeah, but you weren't here, and I really have to go.” Or are you going to say, “Okay, go right ahead.” I said, “Okay, that's fine. Sorry. I'm just pretty desperate.” And she goes, “You know what? I'm pretty desperate too, but if you need to, you can go ahead.” And I said, “You know what, it's okay, go ahead.” And she kind of laughed, and I laughed, as sort of mothers-in-crime - knowing what this meant, the sacrifice, and we're both kind of willing to make it. And so she just smiled… She goes, “I'll be really quick.” And I said, “Okay, that's great.” So she comes out. She was really quick, and we laughed, and we shared a chuckle, and we just kind of squeezed each other's arms, and we just laughed and went on our merry way. And I thought, “You know, moment achieved. It was all good.” So about an hour and a half later. Second downed water, same thing - same song, second verse - got to go to the back, and no one's there, and I'm thinking, “Awesome!” Look to the left at that seat. It's empty, and about a minute later, this woman comes out, and we just busted up. We were laughing so hard, and we actually gave each other a hug, and I said, “Oh my gosh, we are in sync.” And I said, “Tell you what, I'll be back here in about 30 minutes. Meet me here.” She laughed so hard. It was the sweetest thing. So anyway, another little moment, you know, choosing patience and kindness and saying, “Okay.” I just went back to my seat. Well we get out to customs, and we're going through this huge maze of all these people going through these lines that just keep winding and winding, and guess who I end up across the little barrier from as she's going down a different line? It's the same woman, and we both are looking at each other, and we laughed again, and I said, “I have to get a picture with you.” So we took a picture. We started talking and chatting, and I told her (she was asking) what my daughter was doing. I told her she was going to go to BYU, and she got accepted to the one in Utah and Hawaii and was making her decision. She's like, “Oh, Hawaii. It’s the best. That's what I understand.” And I said, “Yeah.” We were talking and connecting and I said, “You know, Utah's a great place.” She was going to Washington. Anyway. We had this great connection and I say, “Come visit us sometime. It was so sweet.” And we went our merry way, knowing we probably wouldn't see each other again. It was a really sweet experience. I want you to hold that thought for just a minute of what you may have learned from that interchange. Those three interchanges that we had that were just these little touch points. The second thing I want to share is the actual trip home. So we had had a very smooth trip, and it had been wonderful. I cannot even describe how wonderful it was. In fact, I'm going to share some things in other podcasts, the things that I've learned. I shared on my social media about everyday life lessons that I was learning in real time and sharing them from the different sites that we were at, different places in Bath and in Scotland and London and Paris - all these different places and things that I was learning. So this trip had been really smooth. So now it comes to Saturday. We had actually connected with old friends from the states, and we were zooming to get back to the train - had to take a train to get back to take a flight from Glasgow to London. So we're taking a train from Dundee. We miss it by a minute. My friend is jamming to get us there because Google took us a different way, and I'm literally standing at the train, and I go to press the button to open the doors, and it won't. And then it just starts taking off. We literally missed it by like a minute, and I was going very “American” in front of the train. So we had to wait, get another train, and we're hoping we make our flight. So we hurry to make the flight from Glasgow to London because this London flight that we're going to take the next morning is our flight home, and we cannot miss that. We get to the airport to take this flight from Glasgow to London, and we finally make it. We get in at 10:30, and then we had to check our bags. Just stay with me. We had to check our bags because we didn't want to travel. You travel with any big suitcases? So we just did carry-on. Well, by the end of a trip how does your carry-on look? It looks like it's a tick about to pop. I mean it was just oozing out everywhere. And the lady looks at me, she's like, “Oh this is not going to make it love. No, not going to make it.” So we had to check them as suitcases. So we get off the flight. We're ready to go to the hotel because our flight - we had to get up at six in the morning - so we're just basically going to hotel, sleeping, and getting up. And they've lost one of my bags - just one - they were all together, but now just one. So then I had to talk to a bunch of different people, and they're all doing their walkie talkies, and I'm running through Heathrow, and I'm trying to find where they put this bag, and they don't know. And this Indian lady was so nice. Went through a bunch of different people, had to go through luggage, security, all this stuff. She personally takes me down to luggage, finds out it's not where they thought it was. They closed it down. So she writes me a report, gives me everything I need for the next morning and says, “Sorry, you're going to have to come back tomorrow.” Now, meanwhile, all of these things are standing in my way. Like I came to go talk to her, and this man steps in front of me, and he's Indian, and he's talking about what happened to their luggage that's been missing for three days, and she had to literally tell him for 10 minutes over it and over, rinse and repeat, why it was lost. Why, they didn't know, it wasn't their deal, but it was lost, and it wasn't here even though they've been told that it was. I finally get this woman, and I told her, I said, “Hey, really nice job on dealing with that gentlemen. You just were so patient.” And rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. And she kind of smiled at me. She said, “Yeah, I've been here 18 hours like that.” She had been the picture of patience, and she had been there 18 hours, and she's supposed to go on holiday in two hours, and you can imagine she's got all kinds of things. She said, “I got all this stuff I need to do,” but she was personally walking me over to this area, writing up a report, making sure I had everything I needed for the next morning. So we try to get to the hotel. They say, “Take a bus.” No good. “Take a shuttle.” No good. Finally we took a taxi, was completely overcharged, took a taxi, and we finally got to the hotel. It's midnight. We climb into bed to get up at 6:00, and I'm freaked out that we're going to miss our flight. We finally get to the airport, and I tried to track down, even though I called ahead, try to track down this piece of luggage, blah, blah, blah… Trying to make it through security. So we get my bag. Finally. Hooray! We're going through the regular security, and then there is an overhead announcement, and the entire airport - this is an emergency. Everybody proceed calmly to the exits. I'm like, “You have got to be joking.” And seriously, they start rounding up all the personnel, and they're moving us. I was like, “You've got to be kidding.” Turns out it was a false activation, but by this time, you know, my nerves are just a little fried. So we finally get through that, get rerouted, and then I am, we're running to make it... They are boarding. They've already boarded our zone, and we're running, and this lady steps in front of me, and she says, “You have been selected by TSA for a special search.” Lucky me. And I'm trying to remember this patience and kindness, patience and kindness in this mantra in my head because I really want to rip somebody's eyeballs out. So they do this full search, and I send my daughter on, but I want to be able to keep seeing her in case they don't let me on, and she can't be on the same flight. So we get to fly home together. Oh my word. You can imagine… So I finally get done, and we run into the plane, and we finally board. I'm just like, “Oh, thank heavens.” So this whole process, I have opportunities to be rightly frustrated and to rightly exercise a little bit of impatience. And I have to tell you how grateful I was for that little heads up of patience and kindness because had I not had that, I think I would've just taken each experience as it came and reacted instead of responded. So the big thing that I learned from all of this is with patience and kindness, not only does it work, but the bottom line is that it's a choice. It is a choice... We can say, “Yeah, but this thing was just so frustrating that I just had to lose it.” Right? And there are so many situations that are justifiable. But as I went through each of these moments - try missing the train. It wasn't under my control because I wasn't driving. And getting into Glasgow, and our, our luggage being lost wasn't under my control, wasn't my fault. And then - well, okay, maybe we packed it so we probably should have just carried it on. But it was in their charge, and it wasn't my fault. And then getting to the airport, the emergency thing - all of the things that happened - not under my control, not my fault. And it's easy when there's a situation that's not your fault to immediately point a finger or blame somebody - even justifiably so, and the emotion can come behind it. The emotion can be there, and push a force almost beyond your control. When you open that can of worms - when you open that door to that impatience and frustration. But I really did see it was like this little microcosm experience that He was showing me that being patient may not be necessarily one of my virtues. It’s one of my issues. Because I've worked on it with seven kids, you have to get either patient or you just get numb, because you know, you just can't get - you can't rise emotionally to every one of those occasions. So I have learned patience, thank goodness! But you know, you keep going deeper and deeper on those, those learning levels. And and I have found that especially when things are going well, I can tend to become entitled, like why didn’t that go quicker? Why didn't that go smoothly? How come I had to wait for that? And it's something to consider in your own life, you know, first being able to be grateful for the conveniences that you have, for the people who are helping you, for the good things in your life - your health, your strength, your ability to organize, your ability to do. Being grateful I think keeps you in a space that makes you more able to be patient and kind… Because we really look around for people's backstory. We really look for what's going on. Once I heard that from that Indian woman that she'd been there 18 hours, you know, pretty much these nerves that were really fried and on the edge of exploding kind of, they really just went poof, just all the way down, because what do I have to complain about when really it was one little last bag and we were flying out the next day. Anyway, here is the woman whose been there, dealing with customer complaints a lot less...kind than maybe some of us that were standing there for 18 hours. So this is a little mantra for me now. It's like, “Hmm, have I been at this 18 hours? This has been frustrating for 18 hours. If I had to deal with this, is this my 18 hours? I don't think so. Not yet.” But I'm saying this, and I'm knocking on wood - literally, right there - because you know as soon as you say something like that. Exactly. Exactly. So I hesitate to even share this learning, but I'm hoping that in my desire to do good that I'll be a little bit, you know, covered by that pavilion. Hopefully you can only hope so. My dear friends, what I want you to get out of this today is that when those opportunities come that are justifiable for you to really lose it and just say, “People this. I had this in line. This is not my fault.” This is your deal. This is. This was supposed to be the headline. Whatever it might be that you exercise patience and kindness doesn't mean you don't set a boundary. Doesn't mean you don't have more clarity. Doesn't mean you don't seek for more understanding or have somebody be able to own their stuff. It just means that it's a choice and that you can choose to be patient and kind. And as you do that, I saw once again that it reaps benefits. I know had I been a nasty customer… I don't think that good Indian woman would have given me all that information, would have personally walked me over, would have taken care of, and even gave me a little overnight little mini-bundle thing that had a t-shirt and toothpaste and deodorant and all of that, and it was wonderful. That was such a big help... I don't think I would've had my case that would have come back the next day so easily. I don't know that all of those things would have come in line, because I may have become an obstacle in my own right to my own happiness. So today when you have an opportunity, and it seems like frustration is the right choice, I can ask you to reconsider and choose patience in kindness... Join me for more life skills and tips with Balance ReDefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan. They've managed their time, changed habits, and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose, organization, and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back! So glad you're choosing to spend some more time together… I've got some great things to share with you today about facing your fears because we all have them. This is always something we're going to have to deal with. Spoiler alert! In our lives, whenever we're trying to move forward in anything, this is going to come up… So the beauty is that we get to learn how to embrace these fears, how to make them our friend and all the cliches that are out there. It's true. We really get to learn how we personally navigate dealing with our own fears. Now, the fears I'm talking about today are not, “Oh wow. I’m at the top of a 500 foot cliff, and I'm afraid that this is a bad idea for me to sort of like free climb down.” Okay? That makes total sense why you would be afraid and very, very afraid... I would really pay attention to that fear. Okay, so that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about there's something good that you want to do. Maybe it's something you've wanted to do forever. Maybe you're standing at that precipice, and you're going, “Oh, I'm actually now here ready to do it, but I'm scared. I'm afraid…” I feel fear and excitement, and we know that those two are two peas in a pod, and I've talked about that before. Fear and excitement are two companions, and so you just want to keep emphasizing one more than the other so that you can keep moving forward. Whichever one is more debilitating to you, you want to make sure you keep moving forward in the direction that you've wanted to go for the good thing that you want to accomplish. So I know I talked to people all the time and they're like, “Yeah, that sounds really good, but how do I do it in real life?...” So I'm going to give you a few little thoughts today-feudal tips. Try to choose one that you can actually put into play. So the best way that that can work is if right now you think in your mind, “What is something that I really want to move forward?” Or it's something you're already doing that you love, but you're just at an uplevel place, or a place to move to that next station as it were... You're in a shifting place, whatever that is for you -- either learning what it is that you would need to do (you know what it is, but you're scared to move forward) or you were doing it, and you're just upleveling to another place. You decide how this applies to you, but the first and foremost thing to recognize about fear is that it feels irrational. Well, it feels real, but it's these irrational fears that we have about where things can go, what can go wrong, how I could do it poorly, how I can embarrass myself, how I'll fail. My daughter is so cute. She's got that whole thing about, you know, “If I lose my pencil, then I'm going to end up living in a van down by the river…” So it's not that kind of a trail that we want to go down. We want to stop that spiral before it starts. We want to be able to acknowledge, “Wow, in our growth timeline, in our purpose timeline, this is right in step.” It's right on schedule. So we can anticipate it, and then we can move through it because we have some tools. So the first thing I want to share about fear is taught by Kevin J. Worthen in his talk “Fear not,” and he talks about the acronym for fear of being: False Evidence Appearing Real. Then I've mentioned that in another couple of podcasts because I like to come back to this because it is false evidence appearing real... Some things look very real, and some things are very real, “Oh, well, I don't have enough money to move this forward.” But the thing that's false about it that we need to move beyond is standing still is not our only solution. That's not our only way of working around that problem... What we do is get afraid of the solution, or afraid that there isn't a good solution, or afraid that the solution we have obviously isn't going to work... So therefore, that means, “This isn't going to work and we're going to live in a van down by the river…” So instead we need to step back, and we need to engage in partnership with the divine. This is where this comes into huge play because the reality is if we think that we're doing this all on our own, then for sure we're going to be afraid. Absolutely... We're going to recognize those limitations. I love this talk by Erin Holmes on waiting upon the Lord. The antidote to uncertainty and sharing when she was talking with this professor, Professor Clark (Gregory Clark), and he was grappling with is tension between fear and faith. And he said, “What is the source of fear? And his answer was -- I think it's rooted in the assumption that I must solve all my problems and face all my challenges alone using my own resources.” That is frightening because deep in my heart I know how limited those resources are... Knowing that I am not capable of changing myself or my circumstances for the better, I stand frozen in fear. Has that ever been something you felt? Does that resonate with you? Have you ever felt like, “I know my limitations and I stand frozen in fear?” I think we can all relate to that. Where you get to a place and you just go, “It isn’t clear anymore, and I don't know where to go. I don't know what that looks like. I don't know how to get there,” and so fear is really saying, “There's only one way to do this, and I can't do it.” “I don't have anyone to help me do it, and there's no other way or variety that those things are not true…” That is the false evidence. So what we want to do is step back, partner with the divine and be able to say what I call the “third way.” There's a third way. There's a different way to go about doing it that maybe we haven't seen before or don't know yet... But it's there because if we feel in our soul that it's something we’re to do, then we will have the divine way open that we will be able to find it and know what it is. So I encourage you to be looking for the “third way,” whatever that looks like… I link it back to Moses in the Old Testament where he's standing before the Red Sea. He’s got chariots on one side. He's got a lot of water on the other side, and there's no real option to go back. It only looks like two ways, but guess what? There's a third way, and that Red Sea opens… So in our lives there's going to be those moments where we just see two ways, and we don't realize that there is a third way of that sea opening. But it's just as real as the ones that are before us. Okay?... So that's the whole third option. You can face your fears with realizing how you can look differently at the False Evidence Appearing Real... So then the next thing we need to do is, you know, people say a lot of times, “Oh, we'll just have faith, you know, overcome that fear with faith.” And it's like, “We’ve got to squeeze our hands and crack our knuckles…” Let's really exercise faith here people! Okay? This is not like that. I love this quote from Neil Anderson. He says, “Faith is not only a feeling, it is a decision.” It is a decision. We decide. We say, “You know what? I can either be scared, or I can move forward. I can do something.” That is an act of faith. It's a decision and it's an action. I love that quote (you've heard me share this before) that says, “I want to. I get to. I choose to.” I love that quote... I'm probably saying in the wrong order, but that's the order that I remember it. I like it... So remember, “I want to. I get to. I choose to,” instead of being afraid of what's in front of you. Now put a different lens on in front of that and be able to say, instead of, “I have to. I don't want to” -- you know, that kind of feeling of “I want to avoid that.” Instead put that new lens on, “I want to. I get to. I choose to.” Feel the difference in that. It is game changing... It's life changing for me when I put that lens on something, especially when it's something I actually really truly want to do, but I'm just afraid to move forward. Okay, so face the False Evidence Appearing Real, and then decide to act in faith-meaning you're going to do an action. You're going to actually move it forward... For me, that's me being able to set a deadline. Me saying, “I'm going to speak at such and such a place,” and agreeing to it, then putting it off for six weeks until I'm a three days out. The weekend before, I'm going, “Well, what I've actually been doing is seed-bedding…” I've been reading. I've been studying. I've been talking to people, and I've been gathering all the stuff that I don't really realize I've gathered until I sit down and start to barf it out. Sorry, a little bit indelicate, but I just start getting that tidal wave out, just sit, and then I can go back to sift and say, “What is it that really is going to resonate with this particular audience?” And that's what I just had to do this week… I'm speaking at one of the biggest women's conferences in the country. I'm wrapping up tomorrow. It's 20,000 women plus that come from all over the country and outside of it to come to all these classes. There are 300 plus classes in this. These very things, these life questions, are for partnering with the divine as we go through it. And mine this week was on covenant women -- fearless, faithful in fulfilling our destiny. And as I've been talking about these things, you know, it was a crazy week. It's been a crazy couple of months of starting, you know, launching this new program, launching the podcast, and launching all of these things that were huge, big, and dynamic. I'm going to pick up my daughter from Europe because she's been nannying there in France, and all of these things are happening all at the same time. Throw in the start of school and, you know, it has just been crazy. I literally have been up three, four, five in the morning and staying up late… I still needed to do my talks. So guess what? I ended up having to do my talks this week. I had the outlines, but I hadn't done the PowerPoints. I hadn't done the actual talks. I was literally laying track as fast as the train was coming. The night before, the morning of, and even last night, I knew my kids needed my cuddles. It was 9:30 when I finally got done with the day. Then I still needed to do my presentation for this morning on the PowerPoint. It was 9:30, and I looked at my kids. I just thought, “They need me. They need loves, my hello, my support, and my connection. I need to give that to them.” I just gave over to that thought. As soon as I had that thought, I did not fear… At first I felt this anxiousness of, “Oh my gosh, what am I going to get this done? I'm going to have to stay up super late or get up super early.” And I just had this clear, peaceful feeling, “It'll all work out...” So I put first things first in my mind. My kids had their heads in their laps, and I'm scratching both of their backs at the same time, and they're going happily to sleep when the thought comes to me, “Oh, I don't have any calls in the morning…I can get up early, do this PowerPoint, and it'll be fine. I know in my soul what I want to say, I just have to actually put it down.” That's what happened, and I got done actually a little bit early this morning. So it was crazy awesome, but I had to take that step of faith. I had to look through that lens of, “Oh, I want to, I get to, I choose to not have to.” “When am I going to get time to do that,” had to switch to that lense to make that decision.Then the feeling came. Then the goodness came… Then, I was able to do what I needed to do. So try that -- the “third thing.” I encourage you to follow what I thought was really genius. This one writer, Anna Davies, was talking about a study that had been done about how people can deal with anxiety or these fears published by the American Psychological Association. The study found that when people tell themselves to “Get excited,” they perform better than when they tell themselves to “Calm down.” Have you done that before when you were getting really stressed out? Maybe you've had to do this presentation, this job interviewed, something at the school with the kids. Maybe you've got to do this big project, this community event, whatever it is, and you're feeling this anxiety, and have you ever tried telling yourself, “Okay, calm down, calm down.” I know I'd be at an event and tell myself, “I’ve got to be on the ball.” You try to calm down and you're like, “Where's that meditation?” Right? Try flipping that and saying, “I'm so excited to do this job interview. I'm so excited to do this.” Anna Davies finishes the quoting Alison Wood Brookes by saying, “When people feel anxious and try to calm down they are thinking of all the things that could go badly. When they're excited, they're thinking of all the things that could go well.” So I just want to make this point that when we're looking at something that we do want to do, we're just sort of being paralyzed by fear. Then the beautiful thing to do is put on a lens of excitement and put that at the beginning. “I'm so excited to _____,” whatever that might be. And try this with your kids. I've done this with my kids for the first days of school and didn't even realize it at first. I was trying to calm them down by like, “You're okay, you got this,” you know, as you're calling coping strategies. Right? Inadvertently, I didn't realize that I was kind of doing the other thing because my little six year old was like, “Oh, I'm going to miss you.” Right? Then I started talking about the teacher that we met, how awesome she was, and where his desk was. He has his buddy sitting right by him. His two best friends are in class. It's going to be such a blast. They get to go to the big kid playground now, and they get two recesses... I mean it rocks. Plus he's got his Pokemon lunch box, so all is well… He was getting pretty excited. I did not realize that I was following this protocol until I just found this quote, and I was like, “Yeah, I saw that.” That worked. He went to first grade, and he is having a great time... So here are couple of things I hope that you'll consider when you're facing your fears. When you're saying, “I really feel this way, and I know it's false evidence, but it sure feels real.” Then be able to say, “Okay, here's the third way here. I know that I can fear not, I'm going to face it, and look for that false evidence because that's a third way.” There's a third way, and we can figure it out, whatever that is. The second thing is to decide... Remember, faith is not only a feeling, but it's a decision. You have to make it. Remember that it can include, “I want to. I get to. I choose to.” Lastly, try to see it through a lens of the excited. “I'm excited about this,” instead of being all nervous and fearful. Alright? Give those a try today with whatever you got going on, and let me know what happens... #I'mexcited. #teamreplay or #teamlive. Tell me what you've learned because as I said before, as you post below, other people will be inspired by your experiences and isn't that the best? I am not the fount of all wisdom. I am not the fountain of all knowledge... I am a guide to a spring of great, juicy, wonderful things, and they're beautiful things. They're things that are going to help you in your life. That spring is made more abundant by everybody else adding in their cup of water there -- even two tablespoons. So put something in that you've learned that's resonated with you from what I've shared, or put in something that you've tried and let me know how it goes. I would love, love, love it. Whatever you do, choose one thing from this podcast today to try today, not next week, but today. Try it today and let me know how it goes. Okay, and remember, keep living your life Balance reDefined. You got it! Thanks for listening. Remember to rate and subscribe. If you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organized their homes, and created a meaningful life plan, and they've managed their time, changed habits and experiencde greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back to another excerpt from my Life Is Too Short collection. This excerpt is Dealing With Emotional Separation… In C.S. Lewis's classic tale, The Great Divorce, he tells a story about the divorce of Heaven and Hell. Lewis describes the journey of a person taking a bus trip to visit heaven, and as this person asks his guide, “Why does such a large downtown as hell have so few people living there?” The guide replies, “The trouble is that they're so quarrelsome. As soon as anyone arrives, he settles in some street before he's been there. Twenty four hours. He quarrels with his neighbor before the week is over. ...He's quarreled so badly that he decides to move, but even if he stays, he's sure to have another quarrel pretty soon, and then he'll move on again. And so it is in modern day.” How many times have you heard or felt or said, “I can't deal with this anymore. Let's just move.” We live in these communities and drive on the same roads with the nonverbal understanding that we're doing our best, but living side by side. We are open and vulnerable, and overtime we will inevitably experienced situations both difficult and delightful. And when things get difficult, it is easy for us to react defensively and look questioningly at the neighbors we thought we knew -- right when something goes sour from the non-returned weed eater to a character slander. We feel the hurt and likely we instinctively pull away… But in these times one thing stands true. What is important in this life is that we love…. Such love for everyday people like ourselves can obviously be complex, and it's a constant push pull of our soul-testing -- our strongest feelings of justice and mercy, of right and wrong, and the ability to still love somewhere in between. And this is not pretending that we didn't see it or feel it or know it. It's looking beyond what we see, and feel, and know to a fuller understanding -- believing that every person is trying their best to get up, breathe, and face the day. And for many, even that can be a Herculean task... In his book Illusions, Richard Bach reminds us that the people in our lives are there for a reason. What we choose to do with them is up to us… We can pull away -- and you know for a time that may be necessary -- but our soul knows that in the end, true happiness is found in learning how to stay connected in the face of emotional separation. I love this from religious leader Neal A. Maxwell who taught that we're here to learn how to “partake of the bitter cup without becoming bitter, loving while hurting is one of the hardest things I think we can do, but pain is a powerful teacher...” If we let it be, and as we seek for those deeper insights from a higher source, we can find the purpose in it. So if you're experiencing an emotional challenge, try to look at it another way. Take a timeout in a different place mentally or physically and look at the situation with an open viewfinder without blame. As you desire and ask for peace, you will see it and feel it. You will know it… One lady recently said, “People are human. Get over it, but do more than that. Don't avoid it. Go through it. Be a part of it for receiving and embracing people as people.” All the wonderful weird and wounding things we do, helps us to embrace those things within ourselves… Again, that's from my book the Life Is Too Short Collection, which takes the best essays out of the previous three books and put them into one fabulous collection of kitchen table wisdom with a side of humor… You got it! Thanks for listening. Remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan. They've managed their time, changed habits, and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose, organization, and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back to Balance Redefined. I'm Connie Sokol, and I'm so happy that you're joining for more wonderful things. Today, I am talking about the vital benefits of being a B-plusser. Now if you're not familiar with this concept, this is one of my favorite concepts. I've been teaching for almost 20 years, but it is fabulous because my belief is you have to hit 80 before you hit 100… So before we're completely perfect at something, we have to be a B-plusser. Before an A, we’ve got to be at least a B-plusser... This has saved my life and my relationships with my children especially because instead of being hyper-focused on being a perfectionist on certain things, I now have this joyful feeling of being a B-plusser. All is well. I'm going to explain what that means because, a little caveat, that does not mean we are sludgy, that we are slackers, or that we intentionally don't do our best at something. That is not what being a B-plusser means. I'm so sorry to say, but there are certain things that require an A, they just do-fidelity in marriage, paying bills on time. But other things, you know, they're just things that require a B plus like folding towels... Okay, my kids fold my towels starting at age, say three. I think about three is when I start them, and they look like bowling balls, and volleyballs. In fact, I remember one time, one of my children, was it a boy or girl? I can't remember. I just remember the conversation because I said, “Oh, could you please fold your towels with a little bit of irritation?” And whoever it was, I just remember these eyes looking up at me and saying, “I just did.” Yeah, I did not realize that was the final product. Yeah, that's how they looked. But you know what? It's all good because it's towels. It's all good. All right, so as far as for recently, let me share a few things and apply to this B+ because it has been reaffirmed to me in my experience. This is a great principle. This is an eternal principle. This works. So how does this work? If you've heard my other podcasts, as you know, we were evacuated for a fire-number one fire in the nation in my backyard. It was my city, and so we were evacuated. We had miracle after miracle and all structures were safe and sound. In fact, we came back and I couldn't believe how everything looked. It was incredible. It was as if no fire had happened. There's a few burns scars on the mountain. We are right up against the mountains, but other than that, I mean we still had the fall trees that looked all beautiful on the mountains. It was pretty incredible. You would not have even known this raging, scary, thing was threatening our city, several major times. The fire had been at work. So after the fire we get moved back in for about a week and then comes the rain because now we have threat of mudslide. I was joking with a friend that it was kind of like out of that cartoon movie, the Disney Movie Hercules, “Was that after the earthquake or before the flood?” It was so like that. Here we were after moving back into our house, sandbagging. Now we were sandbagging as a community. It was incredible. Once again, this community is amazing. It’s going to be lifted up into heaven because seriously, we had one hour of church where we were on that Sunday, and then we got dressed to go over and bag sandbags. They had already bagged 6,000 sandbags the night before on Saturday night. Then Sunday morning, a whole group of youth had come down. These young single adults came and they had helped bag 6,000 bags. Then there was no more for us to do. So we got sent home, if you can imagine. They ultimately did a total, I believe, of 30,000 sandbox... So the point that I make here is that we were now facing a new threat, and it was mudslides, rain, and torrential rain, that kind of thing. So we put the sandbags at the top of the driveway. We walked around the window wells and and my daughter covered one of the ones that we thought would be kind of more of a big concern. We batten down the hatches. We got everything off the floor, the basement, and in the garage just in case. We did all of that again, got gutter stuff to make sure it would not fly away from the house, and those kinds of things. So we felt really good and solid. I have to say that they had predicted four or five days of torrential rain. Just that it's going to downpour, and if we get a quarter of an inch and a half an hour, we're in trouble. That gives you kind of a baseline. They were predicting one and a half to two inches, and at one point they were predicting two to four inches of rain. So that's where we were kind of standing. Okay. Once again, there were miracles for days in a row. There was hardly any rain. In fact, initially a hurricane was supposed to come through Utah. What? Like what? When does that happen? The initial hurricane that got downgraded to a tropical storm was coming through, rerouted around our city. I am not joking. We're talking...community prayer works people. It got rerouted and hit north instead dumped on salt lake. So that was kind of, not funny, but it was an irony… Anyway, the point that I'm making with the b plusser things is that… You know, we thought we were all solid and good. Well then we wake up this morning to my daughter who comes to me at six in the morning and said that her window well is leaking. And I went, “Oh, what went down? And here's the stream of water coming in her window. We probably had a foot and a half, maybe more than that of water. And at this moment I'm thinking, “Oh no, this is actually happening in real time. I'm going to have to make a plan here.” Obviously an amended plan to my original awesome plan. So, I looked at her and I thought, “We've got to cover that one window. Well we thought was going to be just fine and here's where the b plusser thing comes in... I'm standing there at six in the morning just having awakened, and I think, “What can we use?” We want something that's going to move away from the house in a diagonal fashion and kind of let the rain fall off of it. So we can tarp it and let the rain kind of drizzle off, not just flat. In the hallway right by his room is my son's whiteboard and he was supposed to have put that away. He didn't put it away, and it's sitting right there. I look and I go the whiteboard. So we took two white boards, angled them against the house covered in tarp, and sandbag the bottom on both sides. Boom. Done. It worked fabulously. So nice job on not putting everything away in the house… The second thing is when we went to find the tarp just a few days before, we had gone out to, you know, the recess (where we have a little bit of property). We went out to the recesses of the property just to clear everything up, and there were some tarps kinda laying around. I thought, “Well let's just bring those into the entry where we're going to fold them and put them away.” Thank goodness we did not do that. Because you know what happens when you fold and put away something. What happens? You never know where it is. So it was sitting right there in the entry. Grab that on the way out. Then when my daughter was clearing out that window, well we stopped it, and got that window well covered. Then we wanted to clean that out and siphon it out. She had this wonderful idea of taking thing stuff out by scooping it, and dump it into a water buckets, you know, to carry it upstairs. This was down near in the basement. Then we carry it upstairs and take it outside. Then dump it up in the rocks, and the rock area, but you know, it's hard. Those five gallon buckets can slosh all over. They're really heavy and hard to move...Shazamm! We have these drinking water buckets for emergency preparedness. Months ago we had a family night where we were filling these blue water buckets. I call them “lego buckets” because they sort of stack together like blue legos that are about, I don't know, two feet to a foot and half tall. We had gotten to a good place, almost done and hadn't quite finished it and said, “We'll get back to it.” Yeah, we never got back to it… So we had some of these that were empty, so we grabbed those. She literally just siphon it out and put them right into these water buckets. Then we'd easily carry them out to dump them. Done. So, so easy. So three things in a row: the whiteboard, the tarp and these lego water buckets. It was perfect. Within a matter of minutes, we had not only taken care of the problem and made sure there wasn't more water coming in, but we weren't stressed. We weren't exhausted. It worked so smooth. I hopped in the shower, got the kids to school, and boom. I went off and did a spiritual activity over at the temple. I mean, it was amazing. Amazing. So B plusser. Yeah. I'm an absolute advocate. So what does that look like in daily life and not just for emergency preparedness, right? What that says to me is do the best you can. Just do the best you can because when you're a B plusser you say, “I'm going to do all that I can do today. I'm going to do what I can with what energy that I have. I'm not going to put myself in a coma and crawl to bed every night. I'm going to do what is reasonable and I'm going to do those things that come to mind that I should do.” And the second part of that is, and you know I'm a god fearing woman, but you put in whatever that is for you, higher power, the universe, divine influence, whatever that is for you... I know that that second principle is God fills the gaps. He fills the gaps. You know, like when you build a wood cabin, this always comes back to me when you build a wood cabin, there's the gaps in between the logs and you have to fill it with a substance called chinking. That's kind of like this flexible sealant that seals between the gaps of the logs. Does that make sense? It's that white stuff. Often it looks white and it goes between the logs. That’s chinking. I kind of look at God as you know, he does the chinking. He fills the gaps because we cannot do it all ourselves. We can't. And especially when I talk with and work with women, they have this feeling that society makes them believe that they're supposed to fill all the gaps. We're not. We're to do all we can and women are wired to do more multitasking than men are. And I get that we have different wiring, different gifts, so we can do a lot more of those kinds of things, and have that be all taken care of, but that is not our job is to make sure every jot and tittle is taken care of. That is not our job... We're just to do the best we can and then live for God's divine help. That is my feeling. If I'm doing my best to do God's will, obey his commandments, do whatever it is that you personally feel, and I personally feel is what God is wanting me to do, if I'm doing my best, but that I can ask for that help. I can rely that God's going to fill those gaps. So that's something to consider because there's no way we can be 100 percent. There's just no way. The third point is...I love this from Stanley Greenspan. He writes parenting books, playground politics, and things like that. And he wrote The Challenging Child. I think he wrote Playground Politics. I could be wrong on that, but he wrote The Challenging Child. I know that for sure because I read that cover to cover, underlined and came back, probably read it several times. With Seven kids, you know, there's a little bit of experience with challenging children and one of the quotes I love, and I'm paraphrasing, but he says, “We have to learn as parents when we become parents, we have to learn that we have to choose to do less than our best in different situations.” That it's the first time often that parents are facing that challenge. When we're single, we have a lot of choice about when we want to do our absolute best and when we're not, but when we're parents, we're now put in a situation where we feel less than our best and choosing to do less than our best is actually our best. Have you been there? Have you experienced that where you're like, “I am working it here. I am spinning the plates as fast as I can. There's nothing more that I can do. This is as good as it gets, and yet it's still not perfect, or it's still not all taken care of, and that's okay because that's parenting.” I personally feel that's intentional because I feel that God is my divine parent. I feel that he is my Heavenly Father. I know that he wants to help me. So if I'm able to take care of everything, where do I put him in my life? Do I need him? So I love that things are needing me to be a B-plusser and that I can't do everything on my own… I actually like, well, not in the moment-I don't like it in the moment and that's the truth-but I really eventually when sanity returns and rationale returns, I really do like that because I know he has better solutions more often than I do. He knows how this is going to work best. So I think it's a beautiful thing. I know studies show even in religious activities...They had studies shown in different congregations of people who if they read scripture, prayed, attended church, you know, held family night, that these different things were supposedly, you know, ideal. What they found is that the most successful families over time were those who were B plussers those who did it, about 80 to 85 percent of the time. Love, love, love, love it. I know for my son that has aspbergers, no one knew much about aspbergers years and years and years ago. And I just knew in my soul there were certain things that I needed to do, provide structure, give him a heads up when we were transitioning. I just knew these things in my soul and I was praying for answers so I knew them, but I was not being this perfect mom and knowing everything that I should do for an asperger son. And yet my B+ efforts when I didn't know any better, actually proved to be extremely fruitful and turned out to be the things that I should have been doing most of the time. Which who would have known. So this is such an important concept in our lives. I hope that you will look around today, look at your life and say, “What am I stressing myself out about to be a perfectionist about? What am I really putting my best energy to and can I be a B-plusser or instead, can I pull back a little bit in this area to carve out more energy to put over into this area? Maybe I'm going to be a b plusser in this project that I'm doing for work, so that I can have more energy to spend with my child when he comes home from school...” “Maybe I'm going to be a B plusser in this meal that I'm taking for this church function or to the neighbor. Maybe I'll have more energy to put towards my spouse when my spouse is needing time with me.” So do you see what I'm saying? Or maybe I can be a B plusser in the way that I'm cleaning that bathroom or the front entry because we all know we'd rather have a clean front entry and front room because anybody comes over. We want it to be clean, right? Rather than the bathroom. But maybe I should put less energy to that so that I have time to sit down for 20 minutes and read a good book or just be still… So today I invite you to look at your life. See where you can be a b plusser. Let God fill the gaps and just be good enough. Just be good enough. Just for today. So I invite you to take that challenge and join me for more podcasts with Balance Redefined. You got it! Thanks for listening. Remember to rate and subscribe. If you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… So happy you're spending more time together with me on these wonderful life principles and practices. We want to help you get your life balance redefined and that's the goal. So it's a day I'm sharing a little bit more about saying, “No.” Ever been there ever wanted to say no, but it just couldn't get past your lips because you were so afraid of offending or embarrassing yourself or disappointing someone or something like that. And so you just hold it inside, but you're still wanting to say that word… And so what's the best festering and you know, you got to take care of it and you're avoiding and maybe your second down snickers or you're binge watching Netflix, who knows, but you just gotta say, “Nope, Nope,”... I'm going to help you with that today. All right, so grab a pen and paper or just drive and keep it in your mind as we're talking... So the first thing to successfully saying no is to have clear in your mind the actual goal or objective that you want. You got to get back to that space of clarity… Sometimes we want to say no simply because we're just so maxed out and so the first person that comes to us at that maxed out point is going to be the one that gets all the firing shots. No, no, no, no, no. Right? Not gonna happen. That happens to me with my kids… I know after like 9:00 at night, it's just a “no,” it doesn't matter what it is, just no because I am done. Okay, done... So consider, what is your ultimate goal or objective? Where is that going to take you? Is it going to get you ahead? Is it going to get you where you want in your ideal life vision? You know, I talk about praying that life plan and that life vision paragraph is that gonna get you fulfilling that. So that's what you gotta ask yourself because sometimes an initial, oh, I want to say no, it can be a yes… When we get back to what is important. Now on the flip side, it may just be a note, is it really going to help you get that promotion? Is it really going to help you spend that quality time with your children? Is it really going to help you lose that 20 pounds? Maybe this extra thing is really a no, so you've got to discern that for yourself. Will it help me reach my ultimate objectives and remember when I'm talking about objectives, that is that there are connected mind, body, soul, so it's not just on paper, does this look good? It's really that whole soul living. Is this going to ultimately get me to that place or move me forward in that direction? So consider that I'm gonna. Share with you a great example that I love of this being clear about what it is you really want in me from your life and what, how it will actually benefit you in that whole soul kind of living. It's from the book. My answer is “No, if that's okay with you.” I love that it's a Net Gartrell and I think for women especially, we can totally relate to that. “No, no,” The hard stop, “is that okay. That's what we do. Instead of just owning it and being our bold self, right. Not our bulldozer herself, but our bold self… So in this book she shares an experience that is shared by Peggy Noonan, who was a presidential speech writer and Wall Street Journal editor, and so peggy was asked by a reputable, very powerful woman to help run her congressional campaign and she's talking to her and he's like, well, I don't know. And then this powerful woman says, yes, but with your help I can totally win. And Peggy shares for appreciation, but since you know what, I'm a single mother of a little boy and the powerful woman says, well, bring them along. And Peggy Noonan says, well, that wouldn't be helpful for my son and the power of a woman replies, it's US Congress. I need you. Have you been in that spot? Someone's giving you that portal but I need you and you can do this and it's so perfect for you and I need what you have and your skill set and you'd be perfect and it'll be just great. So at this point had union rates. Suddenly I realized she doesn't care about my son. My son is not her agenda. Winning is her agenda, that my agenda is my son. Her agenda is crucial to her. My agenda is crucial to me. They are not the same agenda. I told her I just couldn't do it and I know I not only disappointed her, but she went from a person who admired me to a person who thought I didn't get the big picture. It took me awhile to realize that doesn't matter. I have my own big picture. Does that make sense? Great Opportunity... Great possibilities could go super far, but the reality is there was a hidden opportunity cost, that's what I call it, and there always is one and you've got to know from the beginning just how much you can go on that because once you get in, you're in and there's a cost to get out. So what is the hidden opportunity cost for pursuing this and that you can find that out... That comes clear when you go back to your life vision, to your life plan, when you really know what it is you want and you knew it was genius and knowing what she needed and what her son needed because of her son is set and happy and good, she's going to be set and happy and good. When they're little like that, you got to take care of business and that's a beautiful example of being able to say no and not worrying about you know the fallout and what happens from there. If you have stayed with your integrity, stayed aligned with your life plan, stay aligned with what your values are, then you can go to bed at night and be happy. It doesn't matter what's said on social media. It doesn't matter what people say around the water cooler. It doesn't matter because if it's not you, it's someone else. If they're not talking about you today, there'll be talking about you in two weeks... What matters is that you've made decisions that matter. It makes sense to you and the way that you can live a life of alignment in your integrity, your values, and in what you know matters most to you, so that's the first thing is know if it's going to align with your goals and objectives. The second thing is to know your specific roles and responsibilities. Sometimes we're going to say, knee jerk, “No,” because it just sounds so overwhelming and then we'll get into distance so bad. It was just these three things I was supposed to do. The flip side can be true. Also, when we look at some of these sounds like a great idea. Sounds so fabulous, but we get this early in our soul. We think, oh, I wonder if I should say no. That's when you find out more information. Ask questions. Asks specifically, what is my role? What are my responsibilities, and how do you see me fulfilling those so that you can get a clear idea... Now, the beauty of this, it's kind of a twofer because if you're wanting to say, “no,” this is how you can help them get to know if you say, what is my role and what are my responsibilities, and they start lifting off list, listing off one, two, three, four, 10, 20, 25, 30, and they start saying all the things that are going to be required. It makes it so much easier to be on that same page to say, you know what? This is what I'm hearing from you and I can see I'm not a fit for this, but you know who's a good fit for this? Then refer someone else. That's a great way to do that, so consider as you're going through, listen to those roles and responsibilities, and then as you get that person on the same page, you can clearly show them why you are not a fit for that. Now, if they're adept at being able to blast through objections, then you're going to have to have some on your side. One of the best things to come back to is it doesn't sit right and myself. This just isn't a good time for me. This doesn't sit right for me right now. I can see where that would work, but right now it doesn't work for me. Those are great phrases to say because you really can't say anything more after that. When someone says it's just not sitting right, doesn't feel right. This isn't the right time for me. There really isn't too many other places you can go before you start becoming really annoying on the other side, so consider doing that. As far as being able to say no, find out more about the roles and responsibilities for yourself to further clarify and then also to help them get on the same page and start entering into that. Bear starting to get this whole concept of actually I don't think you are a fit either and they'll be able to sort of get that buy in on the soft side, so that's a really good way to go about that. The last thing to do and saying no is we usually get stuck in the feeling of frustration and resentment and then we start blaming or denying or pointing fingers and that's not a professional or a healthy place to be, whether it's with colleagues or with your family or with loved ones so that your family has loved ones, but you know what I meant ends on the day anyway. So consider, you know, asking yourself a couple of questions when you know it is your role and responsibility. Got It, but that's over. You know, you're over that piece, but you're just wanting to say no from this new opportunity or new role or new responsibility or this new aspect for it. Then be able to and say, is this something delegate? So the first question you want to ask is, is it mine? This is a great way to say, no. Is it mine? Oh, you know what would love to do that, but that's not my role or responsibility that's actually so-and-sos in this department. Let me connect you with them... That is a great way to go about that. Hey, how can I connect you with them? Let me connect you with so and so. Let me introduce you. So ask yourself, is it mine and if it isn't, who's is it? And pass that baton. That's the third one passed the baton. How do I best pass the baton and do I do it by saying, you know, I'm aware that So-and-so was over this. Like I said, “How can I introduce you?” or do you say, you know, “What I can get you started?” and then these are the pieces that these other people do or even with your family saying, “Oh, who is this? mine?” “This is not mine. This is your older brothers,” and then you go to the older brother say,” oh lovely, I love you and this is your piece to do,” and then you follow it up with how can I best pass this baton because maybe that child is giving you that deer in the headlights look, which I get often have. Even though they've done this for five years, they act like it's all news to them and say something like, “can I help you get started with cleaning out the garage and I help you get started with mowing the lawn?” “Is there anything that you need to get going?...” So it starts their brain in a sense have already sort of accepting that this is their responsibility now instead of fighting it, you've kind of broken through and said, yeah, how can I get you started? They got a little helper kind of on the way here so they can get moving and it's kind of that soft side of you're doing it. It's just years and now you're just offering to help in any way that you can at the start now, be aware of the vortex, the suction vortex of I have now taken over your job while I'm trying to model it. My kids would do this to me all the time until I finally got wise. Many, many years later that they would say, now how do you do that, mom? How do you clean that sink? And then I would show them and of course the St Louis, so do not buy into that sucked in vortex. Don't get sucked in to do their job. So you say, “How can I help you start? Oh, you know what, you need to put gas in first and then show them there's the gas can go get it and you can put the gas in. Do not walk over and get the gas camp.” I found with my boys, especially love them. Organization was not their favorite thing, nor was a clean smelling room. But I digress. So the garage, you know, I teach this stuff, I teach organizational principles. So finally I got so tired of this, I said we're going to do this differently. So I said, “This morning, the garage needs to be cleaned out. I'm going to teach you a very three step system that will make this so easy.” So I went down the formula that I teach V-E-R-S, and I went down through each of those three steps right down to the angel need labels and a marker. “When you're done, you're going to put this stuff up on the shelves in those areas with those labels and it will be swell and good luck. Any questions?” No questions. I said, “Great, I'll be back.” I removed myself from the situation and went and did errands and then came back telling them my full expectation is the garage would be organized in those three steps by the time that I returned and it was amazing. I came back, they had done their sort. They had done the putting it on the right shelves and they still just had to put on a few labels, but they had done a solid job and I was thrilled and also a little bit sad because I thought, “how long have you known how to do that? And I had been doing it for you.” Right? That's the end of those days, so hopefully that makes a little bit of sense that you just want to pass the baton, get them started and then they're on their merry way and if not they come back with questions. Well, yeah, farm them out. You pass that baton to someone else who can better answer that question, right? That's exactly what you do. So hopefully today you've got a few quick tips on saying no, you understood that you got to figure out your own goals and objectives so that you're clear about that when you do really need to say no, and then what are the roles and responsibilities that are required and is this an add on and what does it look like for that? And then third, are you the one for the job? Does this need to be delegated? Is this mine? If not, who's is it? And then how can I best pass that baton a right try one of those today and #gotorganized. #said no. #teamlive #teamreplay. #ConnieSokolgivesgreatawesomeadvice. Yeah, something like that… :) That would be super. Whatever you do, post something below and let me know what resonated most with you. Would Love, love, love to know that. Then I know if this is a value to you and also if you put it into practice, I should say, when choose one to put into practice, when you do post below, let people know. Let us celebrate your success and let us know what worked... Even if it didn't, you're like, “Well, this totally stumped, but guess what? I tweaked it and this totally worked for me.” Love it. Totally. Bring it on. Love to hear these things. Hey, you can always #balancedredefined because that's what we're doing, so hopefully you got some great stuff today. I want to hear about it. Tell me all about your success and even the things that are not seeming so successful. Post them below and stay tuned for more awesome stuff on how to live your life balance redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… It's another great excerpt from the Life is Too Short Collection: My Book on Kitchen Table Wisdom With a Side of Humor... If you hate getting organized, stopped trying to be Martha Stewart and instead try one of these quick tips to jumpstart change… Number one, except some chaos. Understand that no matter how many great tips are fabulous formulas you use, and I have several. If you have a family, there will be mess... It doesn't mean you have to accept it everywhere, but simply not distress when the garage is untidy... Again, not that this happens at our house every other week or that your children don't remember that their dishwasher date again every Monday and Tuesday or that the boy's bathroom continually smells like well, a boy's bathroom again and again and again. Number two, bite off chewable chunks... You don't need endless hours to complete a task, but you do have to be content with the little here and a little there... A few weeks ago, my goal was to declutter the kitchen cabinets, so I did one drawer a day. That's right. Can someone say excruciating, but that's all I could do with my baby, my other six kids schedules and my online life coaching program, but it's paid off tonight. At the last minute the kids wanted to make smores and in a moment I was able to quickly say the crackers are up above the fridge. The candy bars in the marshmallows are in the kid's cabinets and the metal skewers are in the bottom specialty drawer. Can someone say stellar mother moment that no one appreciated but me?... Number three, stop making so many lists. I could probably start a support group on this. Seriously. My bff is generally a large sticky pad in a bright color. Very Sad. So a few months ago I had an epiphany stop rewriting the same things and like Nike just do them. So I did. I made one list for the week, then went through it daily and when something new needed to be added, I opted first to just do it. It was utterly amazing how many of the Yucky things i.e. filing, sorting, tracking...I got done that usually got bumped to the next week list. This works for quick cleaning to one day I noticed that the silverware tray was full of crumbs-you know how that works? I went to go write it down to clean it out and then realized it would take me almost as long to empty the civil where, wipe out the tray and put it back in... within minutes it was done and I avoided an additional to do pulsating in the background. So next time you're tempted to write something down, ask yourself, “Can it be done now or can one of my kids do it?” So remember, getting organized isn't about white knuckling your way through several months of work and then breathing a sigh of relief... It's changing a little here, a little there and making it work for you. Again, that's an excerpt from my book. The life is too short collection, which takes the most popular essays out of the previous three books in the series and puts it into one wonderful book of kitchen table wisdom with a side of humor available on Amazon. Available here… You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back! I'm so thrilled to carve out this time to share with you some wonderful thoughts that I have today, so I hope you're ready. Pen and paper, your mind open, whatever that takes for you to be in a space to learn something new that will hopefully ignite a shift within you in some fashion. That's always my goal in any of these podcasts... So today I want to talk about the balance between this certainty and uncertainty because you know my focus is all on balanced, redefined, trying to help you and myself everyday to redefine what balance means to us because that's what matters most. We can't look sideways. We have to look vertically for being able to know what that looks like for us, for our situation, for our families, for our work, for whatever that is. So it's so important that we find these balances... And today I want to talk about this balance between the certainty and uncertainty because I've had conversations with people recently and there's kind of a shift in the seasons right now and that kind of comes along with it when their shift in seasons. Then our action somewhat shift if it's fall or spring or if it's summer or whatever. Then we kind of shift what it is that we do because it's kind of in keeping with that season and so it gives us the sense of an opportunity window of uplevel or stay the same or go backwards and what that looks like. For us and I think what that does so often is create this space of uncertainty and we have this love hate relationship. I'm hearing it when I'm talking to people. It's like we want to be certain. We want to be sure about things, but then we have so much uncertainty and then we say, what's wrong with what? What am I doing that's not right? What's the matter? Why can't I get certain about these things? Why can I be sure, but what we have to expect and understand is that they're both two sides of the same coin... We were just in the space at different times of certainty and then moving to uncertainty and then moving back to certainty… Once we know what it is about that uncertainty that we needed to learn and then we're prepared for the next uncertainty, so first and foremost, please just validate that this is part of life, that this is part of the circle of life... Feel a song coming on, but it's just part of that life cycle and we got to embrace it. Otherwise working out some really tough times and eat a lot of snickers because we're going to be in this uncertainty frame in this space a lot, so I want to talk about that. So first of all, with the certainty part that makes sense, we want to be sure we want to be in control. Are you that way? Do you feel like you want control all the time your bossing around your spouse or your children or your colleagues or your boss and your maybe being a little bit of a control freak because you want this certainty? Now, in all honesty, we all do that. At some point we do do it and we just do it in different ways… Sometimes were overt. Sometimes we're passive aggressive… Sometimes we're just, you know, it's a really creative, unique way, but we're really after that shorty, we want to know that we know and what I've found in my life and in talking to lots of women, lots of people, hundreds, thousands over the years, 20 years, is that there are just a few things that we need to know for certain k and then we're good. I've found that it's not very many… it's maybe a handful, maybe two handfuls of things that you really know for sure. And then we just build on that case. So that becomes those things that we know, those handful of things, couple of handfuls that becomes that solid foundation and then we build the rest. The foundation is really the what, what is it that we know for certain? For me, I know my beliefs are certain. I know I've had them for years. I know them, I guide my life by them. I know for sure certain things in my beliefs and I know them. It doesn't matter tiny to a tree, you know, pull my arms off like they used to do in the old days graphic description. But you get what I'm saying, I get it, I know it and I can't deny it. So I know certain things. And so because of that, I know my beliefs. I know I love my family. I know my family is utterly core for me. So when I'm in situations, no matter what may happen, no matter what choices people make, that doesn't matter. I know that my love for my family is certain and I think especially for mothers, there's just this sort of extra gene and extra endowment given to us that we just, you know, our families, we still just love them and that's why we can kind of be a doormat because they know we love them. You know, what's that movie line? She's like saying to the daughter that just got engaged, “Well do you love him?” And she says, “No, no, I like him.” And she said, “Well good. Because when you love them, they know they can drive you crazy…” You know? It's that kind of a thing. So as especially as mothers, I feel we really love our families, love, love them to a core place that nothing they do can really shift that place of love. So that's another thing. I'm certain of it. I'm certain of just different personality things that I know that I am an enthusiastic, joyful, cheerful person and I know that no matter what situations come in life that I will always buoy back up to that. It just, it's just a space that is my nature. It's me and that's where I'm going to be. So I am certain of that… So whatever comes, I'm going to end up in a joyful place. I just will because that's the kind of personality that's my one of my traits. So just think about it for a second. What are some things that you are certain about not sort of like, well I like it a seven or eight on that, but you're, you're a raging 10. Like I know this is a movable, this is Mount Rushmore, I'm a 10 on this. What are some things that you're certain about? And maybe just list about three or four or five if you can, if you're in a place to do that, if you're driving, just think about it in your mind. Stay focused on the road, but think about those things you're certain about… The beautiful thing is we're not gonna focus on that for right now. That's another podcast, but I want you to consider how that shifts you in your day. When you know what you're certain about, will you really stay offended by that particular comment? Will you really be upset by that person's particular choice in their behavior? Will you? How really does it affect the certainty you have about what you know to be true? It's just something to consider? Alright, so I want to focus today on the thing that's really given people problems, which is this space of uncertainty because we kind of think we know certain things, we're sure about them. And so it's the uncertainty space that gets to be a problem. So when you look at this, there's two different ways that we can look at this uncertainty. I believe there are oppositional forces in the universe and the divine, that there's always that good and evil. It's that whole star wars thing. It just isn't the forest and then it's the evil empire and you've got two opposing forces all the time and it just makes total sense to me. So certainty, uncertainty. Imagine those oppositional forces in the universe that imagine them as a little men are little people that just come and try to like pick, pick, pick with a little pickax and just pick, pick, pick at your certainty. They pick, pick, pick at your happiness, your joy, and just pick, pick, pick, pick, pick all the time. A little pickaxes k. So imagine when you are in this space, you've tried some, you know something for sure, but then now you're, you know, for sure. Say, I know for sure the principles that I teach are true and they are good and they will produce results. They're the best. I know that. That's why I teach them, so imagine when I'm moving something forward that's new and approach or a system or a website or a media forum, something that's new and different in the way that I'm sharing that. Imagine the uncertainty that comes… I'm used to feeling certain. I'm used to building knowing what I'm doing, but now the approach is different, so that's where the certainty is. The what? The uncertainty to me is the how, because we don't know exactly how we're going to do Xyz. We don't know how it's going to turn out. We don't know how we're going to make that happen. We don't know how this is all gonna play out and that's the uncertainty that we don't like, so imagine that space, okay? Now imagine those oppositional forces kind of picking at you when you're in that space because opposition loves uncertainty, loves that space because what happens in there, what can they do? If you're starting to second guess yourself about that project or that person or that situation, then they can just pick ax a hole a mile wide because you are so raw and vulnerable and that little shield is just thin invented then because you are so uncertain and so this space is a place they love to rebel and they love to make you feel magnified. Have you ever felt when you're in uncertainty that your emotions are magnified and it's...My daughter was talking about at one time when she was dealing with anxiety, she said some great advice that she had received was she said, “When I get into that place of anxiety, it's wow. I lost my pencil…” For most people it's, “Oh, I lost my pencil. I'll just go pick up a new one or I'll ask the person next to me, you know, to get that pencil or get a different one or borrow one or I'll find a solution.” But for her, the feeling is, “I lost my pencil, and I won't be able to finish this test, and I'm not going to get that scholarship, and I won't be able to get into college, and then I won't have a job, and then we're going to live in a box in a van down by the river,” you know? So her little mantra now is, “I'm going to lose my pencil, I'm going to live in a box, and that helps her reframe it and bring it back to what's really happening, which is I just lost my pencil and there's an easy solution.” So when we get in that place of uncertainty, watch for magnification… Watch for your thinking and feelings to start spiraling into this, I always talk about the vortex spiraling into this downward vortex of it's all going to go to pot and it's going to be offline, gonna fail in the biggest way, whatever that might look like to you. That's that vortex that that opposition wants to get you into because it's really hard to climb back out of that once you start spiraling down. So watch for that… Ask yourself, “What is a trigger that makes me in this uncertainty, go down that vortex?” What is kind of a goto trigger for you when your uncertainty, if you're in that place, is it that you tend to numb out? Is it that you tend to pull back like you're not going to do what you started out to do and you just quit? Is it that you won't commit fully? So you'll be sort of half in, half out? What does it look like for you as a Goto for that trigger of that vortex when you're in uncertainty? So just take a minute and think about that. What does that look like? What is it that you ended up knee jerk doing in that uncertainty to try to make yourself feel better? Okay, so just think about that for a second… Now I want to shift that and instead I want you to consider a positive way to look at uncertainty, a positive way to look at this. I love this quote from Eric From and it says, “The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.” Do you believe that? I believe that. I know that because if we aren't in that space where we don't know what we're doing, we're not going to reach out. We're not going to reach up. We're not going to ask people for help. We're not going to partner with the divine and again, whatever that looks like for you, the universe, higher power, nature, whatever that is, you're not going to reach out and we are wired to reach out. That's how we're going to keep growing… That's that synergy process. It's so vital and in that place, if we can look at uncertainty differently, we can say, wow, this is a space to play. Not to be magnified and go down the vortex, but a space to play and how do we do that? We ask questions. We ask questions of ourselves, of others whom, why am I feeling this way? What is it that I know for sure? Let me go back to what I know that a certain. So how did I get to a place of uncertainty? Oh, it's new. It's different. That's it. So what is making me feel uncertain? What is making me feel uncertain? Let's get down to specifics. I just had a cute gal that I teach in my church, the youth and after I gave a lesson, she came up and she was talking to me and said, I just feel kind of weird lately. And I said, well tell me what's going on. Well, she has some big shifts coming up at the stage of her life and it's new and it's different and it's exciting, but it's scary. And I worked her back. I said, “what is it that you know for certain, what is it you know for sure?” And then she said, “Well, I know X, Y and Z,” and I said, “Wonderful. That sounds like that is not a question. So now it's just a question of the time is here, the reality is here and it's happening and so that's making you feel a little bit nervous.” So sit with that for a minute and see if that's the reality… And it turned out that that really seemed to be the reality. It wasn't the thing she was doing. It was that it was new, it was uncertain, and so once she sat with it and got it, she was okay. Like my assistant said the other day when we were talking to different people about their fears she said, “Fear and excitement have to be present in order for us to move forward in a positive way.” And I thought, that's so true… When we're doing something new, when we're doing something that is different and we have to get out of our comfort zone, fear and excitement, those two are companions because the fear is meaning we're getting out of that comfort zone and we're up leveling and the excitement means, but it's in a good way. It's doing something I actually really, really want to do. It's not a bad fear. It's a good fear, but it doesn't feel good because I really don't know what I'm doing. Does that make sense? So that's, that's what I'm talking about. And it puts us in this place emotionally and mentally, that and spiritually that were open that now we're like, I don't know. So I am more meek, a more able to hear, and no one wants to know what I need to do. This is from Brene Brown and she says, “I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability, limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty, love, creativity, belonging, trust, joy, to name a few.” Have you been there? All the things that we really prize that we want, that we need from our lives. It is rife with uncertainty. And so it's okay. So my challenge to you today is to embrace certainty. Make it a place that you play. Make it a place that you say, I am going to play here. I'm going to… I'm going to enjoy the space as much as I can. I'm going to be familiar with it. I'm going to make it my friend. So figure out what that means to you, what that looks like, how that can manifest itself in your life in a way that resonates for you. Where you say, “I know that you recognize those signs. Oh, I'm starting to reach for the brownies, or I'm snapping at my kids. I get it. I'm in an uncertain place. Let me sit with this for a minute.” Let me go back to what I know for sure. Let me ask specific questions of what I'm uncertain about and then let me move forward and one step that I know that will help me with that uncertainty. So for myself, I had a program that I was releasing and with this program it was the first time that I was going to need to do my own calls. I love doing these discovery calls, talking with people, finding out their situation, their backstory, seeing how I can help them move forward and I love it, but it's that fear, excitement. I'm like, how? How well can I do this with this particular person? I don't know that people coming. I know that I have a talent to be able to do it, I mean in a, in a sense, and I know that I have abilities I know because I've been doing this for 20 years, but in other ways, but this particular way that I had to do it for this program in this release was different than I had ever done before and so I was really nervous and really did not want to do it. To be honest. I was like, I don't know how I'm even going to do this, so what did I do in that uncertain space? I reached out to one of my assistants and I said, can you please just do the first few and I will watch so that I know what I'm doing and make sure that I'm doing it in this right way. So we made that. We got these scheduled appointments because people listened to the masterclass and wanted to schedule the appointments. So we started doing the calls and she started taking them, started talking to them, okay, this good assistant who is so patient could not get through five minutes without me. It was a zoom and so I was like pointing my finger like, can I just say something? And I said, can I just share just one thing 15, 20 minutes later, like, okay, handing back to you. I couldn't stop talking because I wanted to share this with this gal and I didn't talk the whole time I, I met asking questions and was so engaged with this woman and saying, Oh, I hear where you're at and tell me more and this is what I know will help you in this. It was so exciting. I could hardly contain myself and I was laughing when I got done because I thought, okay, I guess I'm not afraid anymore and that was the step I needed to take. I just needed to do it. I just needed to try it. I just needed to jump into the water and just get, get all in and get… So I'm not cold little step by step. I just need to be all in. So I encourage you today with whatever I've shared with you, if there's been something that's resonated, posted in the comments, #value, #certaintyuncertaintyrocks, you know, whatever that might be, but Hashtag it and let me know what mattered to you and also with you thought of a solution. Please post that people respond and get helped by your solutions. I am not the end all. I keep telling you I am not the spring. I am a guide to the spring of all the things I learn and share and connect and synergize with women and men and all of these different things that I learned I can bring to the table and share with you as a smorgasbord. But I am not the smorgasbord. I am not the food. I'm not the source of the food. I just gather what I find is good to eat and I share with you all of that yummies that you come to eat. But I'm not. I guess the best way to say this. I'm not the chef. I'm not the one that made all of these good things. I'm the one that gets to share it, so I encourage you, share below in the things that you've learned and bless other people's lives, and again, join me for another fabulous podcast on balance, redefined and learn some more. Share some more. I remember that's what we're here to do. Educate, motivate, celebrate. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back! I'm so glad you've returned for more and more good stuff more principles and practices that are going to bless your life, give you purpose, organization and joy and that's what we're after for that balance redefined. So today I am talking about the balance between sit and start… Do you find yourself in that limbo in between those two choices, that switch point of your life? Do I sit or do I start? You know, a few weeks ago it really occurred to me that it came to me in those two words. Life really is about these balances of when do I sit and when do I start?...Because our personalities will lend itself that we tend to do more of one than the other. So I have friends that are more. They sit, not that they actually sit (their moms), they're on the go, so it's not that, but emotionally they'll sit with something before they actually will do something about it and it's a blessing and a curse because sometimes that will make them sort of process a process and process them more and they're actually spinning. Their wheels are really not moving forward… Other people I know, including myself, are more prone to start. Start without really thinking through all the way. Jump in and say, “Hey, like you know, Judy Garland, Mickey Rooney, let's put on a show and it should just post everything, show up like a half hour sitcom should all just come together and there are pros and cons to both for sure.” I have been able to accomplish a lot by just starting because if I would have known so many of the things I would have come up against, I would never have started. However, it can also have its hidden costs as both sides do and so I have had to learn over the years still learning how to temper that start and be able to know when I need to sit and when I need to start and that's where this podcast came from, is this. I had all these thoughts about this and that. As I'm talking with people, they're struggling with that same thing. Only they just didn't have those words to it. So I'm putting some words to it... So today, how do we balance when to know when to sit and when to start. So one of the things that I want to kind of get you in that groove about is to start recognizing when your not doing the thing, the which one you should be doing. So usually we're going along and we're probably choosing it pretty wisely. But then we started noticing some symptoms if we're wise, we start noticing that we're getting resentful and maybe angry little snippy triggered and maybe we're feeling super tired, like just kind of fatigued, tired. Not like, “Wow, I just did racquetball for an hour and a half.” I'm tired, more of, “I feel worn out.”I just feel just tired, like fatigue, that kind that you just go, I sleep and I don't really feel rested. That kind of tired. So we got the resentful, we got the frustrated, we got the angry, you've got the tired, don't have to have all of these, but you have some of these and you're feeling kind of angsty, like it just kind of rumbles in your soul. Those can often be signs for you to step back and say, do we need to do it differently? Maybe you've been running pellet mill for the last several weeks or months and just go, go, go for whatever needed to be done, and maybe now your body and soul is telling you it's time to switch. You don't have to stay in this split in the space. You don't have to stay here. You can do it differently and allowing yourself that transition to go into a calmer place or a slower pace...That's something that you can watch for. Or if you're having this rumbling and you've been binge watching Netflix for the last six months, maybe it's saying to you, you know what, girl? It's time for you to get up and go, you know what, dude? It's time for you to move. It's time for you to get off the emotional couch and make something happen. So whichever way it is, just kind of pay attention. What are some of the feelings you're having lately? Are you noticing any of those kinds of symptoms or triggers or any kind of feelings that are giving you a little call to action that's really your soul communicating with you. I feel that's kind of either making space for that or it's calling to you or it's saying you're not going to want to stay in this space. You're not going to want to stay here. You want to move forward in some way or do it differently. So just think for a minute what you might be feeling if you're feeling any of those things or if you're feeling like, yeah, I think I need to do it differently. Now, having asked yourself that, which way are you tending to do it right now, are you more sitting with something and kind of avoidance maybe about doing something about it? Are you in that space or you and the I'm a Gogo? That's really good for you to identify because then you'll know maybe what gear you need to switch to. So if you're really in gear fifth gear and you're like, all right, I'm going, I'm going to go, and then maybe you need to pull it back to second, maybe even first, and if you're in first and second, you just got to gear up, go to third to fourth, and let's get this place moving, right? Let's get go. Let's get going. So think about where you're at and then think about the next phase that you want to be doing. The next phase you want to go to. Just be thinking about what that looks like for you. Have you got that? Have you thought through that? Just for a minute? If it's that you want to, you think you need to pull it back and you need to sit for a bit. Let's talk about that for a second... We have got to as a society start to really value sitting, meaning that space, that calmness, that stillness, value that as much as productivity, it's two sides of the same coin. You're going to hear me say that all the time, two sides of the same digestive biscuit, and if you're not sure what that is from other podcasts, I'm from Scotland, digestive biscuit. Anybody out there, right? Boom, there are beautiful fiber, kind of good cookie on the one side and then this yummy melted chocolate on the other side so you get the good for you stuff and you get the good tasting stuff and together it is magic. Oh, makes me want one right now. Anyway, “#biscuit” if you are on and down. Okay? Anyway, so we're going to talk about sitting and sitting with ourselves, with our feelings, with our what we need to do because we need to create a space for what's coming next and it's very kind of way, but I want you to consider that because lots of things happen in stillness. In fact, I love that quote that says, “Silence isn’t empty. It's full of answers.” Isn't that true? Silence is not empty. It's full of answers. When we get quiet, can you feel that? It makes a space for thoughts and feelings and things to fill it that usually gets shoved to the side. Now sometimes we avoid that stillness because there's things that come up that are really difficult or hard or feelings that are really painful and that's when we're reaching for, you know, the brownies or whatever it is that you're reaching for and I hope that you will allow yourself to take it in small steps. If things come up that are difficult or feelings that are are hard for you to feel... Then take it in small doses. I like having stillness and you know me, I'm a writer so I have to have a little legal pad next to me and a pen. I got to have something. Maybe it's a post it note and just to keep out whatever it is. I've got to have something because I know that when I lay still all kinds of thoughts surface. Some of them are just innocuous. I need to go get, you know, these protein bars when I go to the grocery store, but others have just been waiting for me to give a space for them to come forth. The other day I did this and I kid you not. I thought, “I wonder if I have any thoughts that need to come up right now.” I laid down for just a few minutes and I had seven pages of notes, seven pages that is gold that I did not know was just bubbling over waiting for me to take the cap off. Right? And just let it out. So silence, stillness, sitting with your emotional, mental, spiritual self is so key. So if you've been a Gogo, pounding, pounding, start carving out time for stillness. So maybe it's one minute, maybe it's three minutes, maybe it's five minutes. It doesn't have to be a great deal because once you start doing it, you'll be shocked at how fast the time goes and it how much your body yearns for it. It's dehydrated in a sense for this stillness, for this quietness, the sitting with yourself...So start for just a few minutes a day. In fact, I think it was Michael Hyatt said that he got that tip from an author that said that to start on the path to joy, I'm paraphrasing, but if to start on the path to joy, start by doing 15 minutes of nothing a day. That's where it all begins. Fifteen minutes of nothing, a day, and you know that is such truth because when you start with nothing for 15 minutes, then I'll promise you where you're next is gratitude or meditation because that's where your thoughts yearn to go. They yearn to have something positive to come into your soul. They want to clean out and they want to bring good stuff in. That's what they want. That's what your soul's want... So consider that how you can carve out one, three, five minutes, work up to 15 minutes a day to just sit and I'll tell you the power of that cannot be underestimated because some of my, I would say many have not even say most, but I would say many hearts, almost like half and half of my decisions that I have made in life that have have been my most successful have come when I have been sitting with it. So just several months ago I was looking for a particular person for my team and I thought I do not know where to find this person. I don't know where to find her. And I knew the skill set that I needed and I knew kind of what her personality type would be because I know who works well with me and who I work well with. But I just didn't know where to find her. And so I started doing this little morning meditation where I would just literally sit with God where I just mean I have my prayers where I kneel and I talk with him, but I would just wake up in, the first thing I'd do is just lay in bed and I would just lay there and just have a meditation and just say “Good Morning!” to him and just invite him to my life and, and want to have that connection. Remember whatever that looks like to you, divine influence, higher power, the universe, whatever that is for you. But for me, I was just inviting God into my life to partner with me. And as I just laid there, I just had all these wonderful different thoughts that came through some difficult thoughts, process some of those and just feeling really good. And I just came to a place where I don't know if you know what I mean. I'm sure you do. But like it was almost without me thinking. I wasn't really thinking about what I was doing. I just opened my eyes and I reached over and I had my cell phone next to me on my bed, which I don't ever reach for like that. I actually don't like doing my cell phone first thing in the morning. I like to do some other things and kind of connect with people and with God and that kind of thing. But I happen to have it there and I reached for it. So imagine this in a matter of half a second, right? Open my eyes, reached for my phone, look on it, and I see this facebook request. Now I don't do those. I have an assistant that does those. So I looked at it and I thought, “Oh well, she looks nice,” and I pressed on it because I always like to vet them and I don't know what. I don't ever usually do this. So I friended them. It was a Saturday morning, so maybe that's why. So I friended this Gal and I looked at it and I saw the, the very top where it says our skillset basically and what they do. It was exactly what I needed and I thought, “You're kidding me, like you are kidding,” but it didn't hit me fully because I'm still looking at ads just betting a facebook request. I don't know how to explain that, but you know what I mean, where you're kind of your mind is still on this one track and it takes a minute to shift. Kay, remember I've had seven children, so a little delay. There are sometimes, so I went, scrolled down to see, “Oh, she had really nice posts and she had good, good content and wow. Really genuine, authentic,” and then talked about moving and how she felt like it spiritually, this is what they needed to do and they weren't really keyed about it, but they knew in their souls this is what they need to do. And I was like, “Wow, what a good woman to follow that follow her soul and know what she needed to do.” And then I saw a picture where they moved to beautiful green mountain. I was like, “Oh my gosh, that's gorgeous.” Wow. I wonder where that is. Scroll back up to the top because my neighborhood was my neighborhood. She just moved in a few streets away and I did not even know. It was incredible. And so we connected that morning and met and then it was incredible. I mean she had just exactly what I needed. It was amazing for me. That was a miracle. That was like an incredible miracle. And it started with sitting. So does that make sense? A little play on words there. Sometimes to start it is about sitting and sometimes starting is sitting means that you are starting and I'm not even going to go backward. Like you know, what comes first chicken or the egg egg is whatever. We're just going to skip that. But I just want you to keep that in mind. The power of that space of sitting with yourself, your soul, your situation, whatever...And just instead of go, go, go knowing it's time for me to do this for now because I got this rumble, I've got this resentment, I got this anger, I've got this frustration, I've got this. I don't know what the “Hey, I'm doing and I got to stop and think this through.” That's that sitting space. Okay. The other part is the start part. Now this I find when I'm talking with people, especially if they're at that upper level space and they're leaping from one comfort zone to this unknown, but there is so is so already there and yet they're just struggling to make those individual steps. You know, it's kinda like an Einstein or a tesla where they did all the work shopping in their brain and they already had created these things already fixed the problems and things and then guess what they had to do that. It's still physically create it, you know, that can be kind of annoying when you actually workshop it in your brain and it's all done. It's like beauty and then you actually have to work with the temporal tools to build the thing that you wanted to do. It can be really annoying. So sometimes we just don't want to start because our soul already knows the work that's involved and were like, I'd really rather binge watched my favorite show or sometimes the start, we just don't even know where to begin. So it's feel so confusing and overwhelming because we just don't even know how to start. We're excited about it, but we just don't even know how to get going... And so watch for those. Ask Yourself, what is the obstacle to my starting? Is it because I don't know what I'm supposed to do? Is it because I'm afraid of what I'm to do? Is it because I really would love help in what I'm doing and I don't have help, I don't have support. I don't have someone saying you got this. So consider those are just a few of the questions, but ask yourself some of these. Find out questions when you sit with yourself, do you like that closed loop there? All right. So for example, I write and I write fiction and nonfiction and I've written 17 books and how I have done them is mostly I have to make myself start. Oftentimes I start because have an idea in my head and I know I just have to get it down and so I'll do my fiction by scenes. The scenes will come to me and I'll write them down, but then I actually have to go through and finish and finesse and do all of the plot line and all of that...I still have to do all the nitty gritty work, but a lot of times those I will start by the sitting moments. Meaning I'm doing dishes and vacuuming. I get my best ideas vacuuming, I swear. Do you find that that there's some anonymous, I call it emotional or creative white noise and so you have the sort of emotional white noise and suddenly that creativity can pop. That's what happens for me. So when I say sit, you know, women never sit. Okay. Even when we're like sitting, we're mentally cleaning out a purse... So anyhow, my sort of sitting sometimes is these dishes, vacuuming, mundane activities and I find that I get these ideas for scenes or books or podcasts or things like that. So sometimes the starting place is really that sitting, but it's getting me started on that project. So consider if you can just start and reverse it started so that those scenes, those ideas, those project organization skills start coming... So for example, when I am doing a book and I am just not feeling it, not feeling the ticky tack logistics of it and make myself do a five minute session, just five minutes, five minutes. I said I'm just going to sit at that laptop for just five minutes and then I, I'm released. I don't have to do any more editing, I don't have to do any more flatlining. I'll just do five minutes. I'll come back and do it really tomorrow. No problem. So I do my five minutes. What do you think happens? Nine Times out of 10? Yeah. I'm going on and on and on. I've got the stiff arm to my kids and I say go get a snack from the gap and I'll be with you in a minute. And, and I've got phone calls coming in and I'm like, “Too bad. So sad.”I'm on a roll. And that's what happens because I've unlocked that paralysis and I've just done. That's what we have to do sometimes is just do that whole Nike thing. They have it right. We just do it. Sometimes we just got to step in. I know a friend of mine, he wrote his entire novel, I think it was three years, but it was doing writing 15 minutes a day. So my suggestion to you is you sit for 15 minutes and then you start for 15 minutes a day. Can you see the beautiful symmetry of that though? Yeah. And I can promise you it will yield incredible results that 15 minutes of just being still and the 15 minutes of doing just doing so again, just like you did with the sitting. Maybe you start with one, three, five minutes maybe for the doing, you just do one task or you just do it for five minutes, whatever that is. Because that's what it's all about. I love that anonymous quote. I say it all the time. If not now, when, if you're not going to start in five minutes or do it for five minutes today, what are you going to do it? When are you actually gonna do it. There's going to not be the ideal time, so five minutes. That's as long as it takes for you to fight the feelings of wanting to do something. So just just do it. All right. I love that...has anybody seen Holes? Okay. #Holes. I love that show... Sigourney Weaver, when she's like, “Just do it.” I say that to my kids all the time. We have the best lines from that show… All right, so that is my tips for today. Have sit and start-the balance redefined between those two. When do you need to sit? When is the needs to start? And my challenge for you today is try to do a bit of both...Starting with maybe five minutes or less to sit in five minutes or less to start and then post a comment and tell me how it worked for you. Tell me how that helped you in your life or if it really stunk, then tell me that too. But I would love to hear that, and also below-#sitstart, #balancedredefined... Hashtag these fabulous things. If you've found value in what I said today and the quotes that I shared or any of the concepts that I shared about getting that vulnerability and that sitting space from Brene Brown, then #BreneBrown. I love her stuff. So hashtag those things that were important to you and if you have solutions that have come to mind, we'll post those below. Don't be stingy. Let us know what they are and you might totally blessed and invite someone to change their life today by the things that you are posting. So I encourage you to do that. If you can't think of something, just do #thisrocks, right? That's always a solid. All right. Hopefully you got great stuff today. I know I've had a ball and I've had some other thoughts that have come up for me too because I'm starting something. And so after this I'm probably gonna sit preferably with a Brownie. Enjoy. And join for some more balance redefined podcasts. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Okay, so I have to share this embarrassing but enlightening experience because it was pretty funny when I look back on it… When I was back in college, back in the day, I learned some fascinating truths about behavioral differences between men and women, but not from a class. No, it came from walking up a very tall hill on a frosty morning with my dress tucked in the back of my pantyhose. Do you even remember what pantyhose are? Well I do, and I had to wear them, so this is my story. Happily unaware, I remember thinking as I walked along, chirping and cooing to the young man I had casually caught up to and that I actually really liked, that it was unusually chilly that morning. Why did I not catch that as a clue? I even wished I had worn a long coat instead of a short jacket because I remember that I was chili on my lower half. I remember the great number of students both in front of and behind us all heading for our 8:00 classes. Do you see these clues here? Yeah. You probably do, but I didn't because when we reached his class building, I remember after saying a very sweet and coy goodbye and turning to go his voice flatly echoing across the morning campus saying, “Hey Connie, your skirt…” This was when I swept my hand behind my lower half and found well, my lower half. That's right. I spent the next hour in class not thinking about the elements of biology, but on the rudiments of human behavior to be brief, no pun intended. First why during my 20 minute death march, didn't anyone, especially a woman, tell me about my unintentional expose? Right? Second, why was the faded messenger a man? When a guy has a zipper down, not to be rude, men do not nervously hesitate, and then discreetly take them aside and whispered, “X, Y, Z.” They say, “Dude, flies open,” and then they go about their business. Right? No lingering shame at having noticed and no need to apologize or go and tell 10 friends about the embarrassing incident, but how many women walking up that hill had in sheer terror watched me sway in the wind and yet, we're unable to tap me on the shoulder and say, “X, Y, your whole backside...” Right? As I sat in class, I became confused about the ways of a woman, and by the way that roar you hear is the loud agreeing applause of men nationwide. This is a gender who can categorically pick lint balls off a stranger suit, coat, or tech exposed dress tags with an accompanying shoulder pat. You know how it is to say, “Now you're dressed,” but can't tell someone that they're dress is stuck in there nylons? Our college tax dollars finally paid off that morning because I experienced my educational epiphany. This feminine duality can occur because the ladder dress and nylons is confrontational and it carries away too great and unknown. It's just really plain embarrassing… “What if I offend the person?” Isn't that our favorite go-to as women. “What if she gets mad? What if she doesn't like me and then two months later I see her in the grocery store?” All of these are really important high level questions for yourself. Yet as you can see, there was just too much at stake with lint. We are safe because we are socially justified. No Court of law would convict us for picking off lint Paul or for that matter have loosely flying hair because that's what you do with a lint ball or loosely flying hair. It's just that simple, but for those of you still confused, another roar… The behavioral bottom line is this, no pun intended, when interference is emotionally pricey, I eat a trailing toilet paper. A woman will stick to the weather, and the color of your shirt. Class over. See you next week. Thank you for joining me for another Connie cast and hope you got a little light laughter today. Little boost, and if you want more of this and in print form, then go to Amazon and you can order the Life is Too Short Collection, which is a collection of all these essays and experiences. It's kitchen table wisdom for women wives and mothers life principles with a side of humor... You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome to Balance Redefined, and I am podcasting right now. If you haven't listened to the other ones, I am podcasting for my friend's basement apartment… We'd been evacuated for the pole creek fire. We were evacuated on Thursday. It has burned 70,000 acres. It is one of the worst fires, actually the worst fire in Utah history and it is now the number one fire concern in the nation and has been upgraded to federal status and we have all that federal health that's coming in, but it is. It's threatening homes, has been threatening homes for the last two days and it is. It is out of our hands as to far as far as what actually can be thoroughly done. All the firefighters are doing all they can. They have been incredible… Four hundred and 50 firefighters last night at 10,000 are expected today. They are cutting lines, fuel lines all the way down in certain areas to try to protect the homes. They have been tireless and incredible in what they have done in fighting this fire and the horrible red flag conditions that have been present. High winds, the drought, the underbrush that is just prevalent up in the, in the forest, it's been truly a nightmare, sort of convergence of factors, but they have been incredible and how they move forward. And I talk in my other podcast, hidden blessings about the organization of things that has been stellar… That as far as from what I understand, what I have seen and experienced as a person that's been displaced and, and all of those things, it has been so incredible and smooth and clear and understandable and citizens have been patient and kind and helpful. It's been amazing. So what I want to talk with you about in this particular podcast is lifesaving routines because as I alluded to in my other podcast I talked about in our community and then in my church the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we have this particular...we have women, you know, an organization within our church that's, there's the men that are watched over and stored and their stewardship over and it's called the elders quorum and some other things there. And then we have the women. It's Relief Society. And that's what we call it, just because if I throw out those terms then you'll know what I'm talking about. But with this, the, the women... we had spent the last couple of years, and the person that's over that relief society (president) had been over making sure that we had emergency preparedness and I mean thorough and so helpful. This is like, her lifeblood is doing this. And we were so prepared that as I mentioned, and I'm not gonna go into detail here, but when we had the call to evacuate, I literally walked in, grabbed my emergency binder by vital documents tub and my scrapbooks and boxes and we were out the door. I had everything I needed, absolutely needed and was ready to go. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I want to talk about that today with those routines, these life saving routines. I want to ask you, and I'm not going to be dramatic about this, I just want to ask you in your soul, if you were told right now, get out. If like I texted my, my leader, “What should I do?” And she said, “Leave. Get out right now.” This is a real deal. What would you do? What would you take? Who would be the first people you call? What would be the things that you would need to wear? What would you need to have on hand? These were things that went through my mind and I remembered this thing that my, this gal that had told me, my Relief Society President, her name's Terry. I remember her saying, “You want to have this prepared because in an emergency your mind is in a fog.” “...Like it, it does weird things. It sort of shorts out and you'll grab one shoe, but forget the other, like those kinds of things.” And I thought that's so true. I grabbed my little makeup bag but it didn't have any foundation in it, right? So I mean small, silly thing. But of course I had an event that night that we had prepared for an interfaith women's event for close to 300 women, and were we going to cancel it? We were way down south. It didn't affect them. They've made all their sacrifices to be there. Was I going to cancel it? Was I going to cancel my part in? That was I going to let everybody just dropped that and so all of these things come into play and your mind can't really focus and even though I felt very calm and peaceful and focused, there were things that were dropped that I didn't realize that were dropped because your mind is so focused on survival and making sure that you're surviving. It's really an incredible experience and that's why I wanted to share this with you in real time because I hope that whatever I share with you today will help you in dealing with whatever crisis you might be dealing with now or especially in the future that you will be prepared because there's that scripture. “If you are prepared, you shall not fear,” so that you will not fear. I can tell you right now, in three days since Thursday, uh, it's Saturday now, I have not feared. Not once. There had been a few moments of tears where I have thought about the magnitude of what could happen to people in their homes and and things that could occur like this, sorry, but when I don't focus or think about it, so we're moving on. When I don't think about it, I am good and not once in those feelings it's more of a sadness and a loss, but it is not a fear I have not feared and as a mother, a single mother of children, I have four of them with me. Then I know that that is exactly what they need. They need a mother who is not afraid and who knows what they're doing... Now, on the second part, I don't know so much about that, but I need to make sure I show that I know what I'm doing so that they can feel confident, that mom does know and even if not, she's moving forward. That's when you need to give to my children and that's what life saving routines will do for you. So back to that question, what is it you would take? What is it you would put on and wear and taken that initial moment at that moment, I grabbed a tub, dumped out the laundry and put in clothes for each of us. Just a quick underwear and shirt, pants, whatever. Dress, and through in wipes, and that little bag of makeup, and the dress that I knew I'd need to wear for that Reboot Event it was called “You got this,” reboot event, and shoes, a curling iron and just things that I knew we'd need for right now because it was just pre-evacuation status. It was for right now that I knew that we needed. Now I didn't know that we weren't gonna be able to go back. Right. But I knew that we had everything we needed to function for that day and for the next couple of days after I had it in the car and I could get it at the store. So I encourage you to consider, as I'm talking today, write down some notes of things that you say, “You know what? This is what I think I would need to bring her. I would need to do, or I would need to call or whatever.” Jot these things down. Don't worry about having it in a beautiful plan where it's all laminated. Don't worry about that. Just write things down that come to mind and you can go back and organize your thoughts later. The main thing I want to share with you before I share a couple of these thoughts is that it works. I was given a real view and lens and understanding that this works… What I teach to women and balance redefined women and men, what I teach to families, what I live, what my community did and my church did for being able to do these emergency preparedness things. They all worked. Sometimes you're doing this stuff and you're thinking, oh, it's a pain and I'm doing food storage. Like how exciting is that? Not. And you're doing carpool. You're doing all these things. You got busy lives, right, and you're thinking, I'll get to that. I'll get to that. It all matters and it all works. Even if I didn't use my exact emergency tubs that I used for, if we had to evacuate and I needed the meals and I did whatever, I still had those file drawers in my mind and soul and I could retrieve whatever pieces I needed in the moment to do the things that needed to be done with clarity, with joy, with confidence, with energy. So I want you to know that this works. It cemented for me that what I've been practicing, what I've been teaching and what people have been teaching me worked. So let me share a couple of those things. The two main categories that I'm doing right now are. The first thing is predictable rituals. That's what I call them now. When I say rituals, I’m on not talking about some kind of a weird thing that you're doing, you know, on some sacrificial thing. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about these daily practices that we put into our lives, so maybe I'll call it predictable practices. That's probably a little bit more across the board feeling and it's not in having this sort of vision in your mind that I don't want, so these predictable practices are those things that your children will be able to take and your, your spouse, your extended family members will be able to take heart in and feel confident in because these are things that you're doing on a daily basis. These are things that are rhythms in your life, rhythms that they, that happened when they get up in the morning, it's good morning, loves they come down and there's some breakfast, wait out on the counter. Or even if it's a breakfast burrito in the microwave, it's just a predictable practice. They know we have in our home, I have these things that we make, we call them scripture strips and so we have scriptures from different scripture, um, cannons and we have them on strips, colorful yellow, golden strips, and we put them in a cookie jar. And then every morning we pull a scripture stripped before they go to school and we say, okay, let's read the scripture and what does that mean? And they cannot say Jesus loves us because that's all they would say everyday, so they have to actually get a thought out of that and wow, first thing in the morning, it sets their whole mindset on that spiritual plane and opens that up for them to have any kind of spiritual download during the day. So not that they necessarily do or they even think that they do, but I as a mom, belief they do. So that makes me a stellar mom. So that's why we do it. So again, that's a predictable practice. Then we have family, we have the family prayer in the morning before they leave. We have family prayer at night. We do this before our meals. These are predictable practices. We have scripture at night that we listened to. Now I have to tell you, last fall, when I talked with my kids, I said, “What is a way that we can study scripture? Because I know, I know studying scripture matters. I know it creates a protection to us spiritually and even temporarily, I know that it creates this spiritual force that opens us up to blessings and protects us from certain things. I know that it does that no matter who's reading it.” And so I know that it's important, but, you know, try to get your kids excited about scripture. Reading okay, right? I've been doing this for years and we've like about condo fisticuffs and scripture reading, right? That, I mean, well, you know, wars are in the Bible, so there you are. But anyway, so I said, “Okay, family, what do we want to do? How do we want to do this?” And we said, “Let's listen to scripture at night.” Now in my mind I'm thinking, “How loser is that?” Like we're just laying there listening to scripture, you know, there are tuning out, you know, they're not really listening. Most of the time they're getting one thought and they're like, okay, put that in my back pocket in case mom asks, but we did it. And do you know the Canon of scripture that we're reading? We're almost done. It's September. It's almost been a year and we're almost done with that Canon of scripture just by reading it. I mean listening to it at night, what I thought was so lame when guess what? We added on listening at the fire pit outside and we added on being able to have a yummy herbal tea and having a snack or cuddling on the bed. So we've added these things. Again, it's been a predictable practice. Doesn't mean we've done it perfectly, but we've done it. I would say my, you know, I'm a b plus or so about 80 to 90 percent of the time and I have to tell you these things. Oh, the other two that I wanted to share was a family council. We have family council, we have family night on Monday and we have family councils especially about like our schedule for the week or about things that were going to do trips. We're going to take what we want to do for the weekend when different things come to us are unexpected. I say KC Family Council and we get the family by and I help them to get their opinions, want to know what they think is the best way to do something and then move forward. So family council and the last thing was gratitude… We emphasize gratitude and our home, and I'll tell you, sometimes it's through clenched teeth. I'm so grateful that you picked up your room even though your bathroom looks like something's going to come out of the toilet. Right? I've tried to practice gratitude and try to help them to say it in a kind way like, “Oh, if you were saying that your sister is total annoying and frustrating, maybe you could say, wow, she's not being as helpful today as she could be.” Right? And you know how well that's gone over... Like it's not like they jump up and there they're carrying a basket of daffodils to each other, but trying to be practicing gratitude. Okay, so predictable practices. I have to tell you, this works. This works in this crisis. I have to tell you, we've been displaced. We went to a friend's house for a couple of hours and then we went to our friend's house that we're at now. We're in podcasting and this tripod is sitting on top of my son's Lego box. As I'm sitting on her bed. You can hear lawnmowers outside... we are, we are displaced. And yet we are doing these predictable practices. We had family council last night. We had, we'd been having family, scripture and listening, and it's been soothing and comforting. In fact, the place we chose last night happened to be this beautiful section of scripture that was just perfect of the savior actually surrounding the children with this protective fire. Isn't that incredible? Like the chances of that are, you know, unreal… But it was, it was amazing to be able to go through that and we all felt comforted and we even had a community united prayer last night at 8:00. I mean, that's these practices that are working. We've talked about gratitude. We have family council about what we want to do with this, where we're staying and we don't know how long we're gonna stay. And so we had a family council and said, “You know what, let's make it our home. Let's go to Walmart today and let's go get some stuff and we'll just get some plants, will get some cute little things and just a few. Just things that make us feel like we're at home and let's make our home where we are.” These are predictable practices. This has made all the difference. It has kept us calm. It has kept us focused... It is kept as in tune with God and remember, whatever that is for you, higher power, the universe, whatever. It's kept us in tune and open to receiving his gifts and his love. So that's predictable practices. What are the predictable practices in your life, in your family's life? What are those that your children can count on when trouble comes, because now is the time to do them. When the skies are clear, when there isn't smoke, literally billowing over a mountain range. When the skies are clear, is that time for you to do it? Now we know that fire is still burning. We know it's burned. Seventy thousand acres. We know we're still not in our home and we don't know if we'll ever be able to go back, but we have faith. We have faith that we will. We have faith that those firefighters are doing all they can. We have faith that we can pray and there's nothing more we can do. There's nothing they want us to do to go down and help so we can pray and I gotta tell you... I have another podcast that talks about what happened at that reboot event and why I chose to go there and the blessings that came out of that, but I have to tell you the power of prayer is real and so this predictable practice gives my kids and myself as a life tool belt to be able to turn to during these moments and whatever that is for you. My kids are going to have… One of them is getting ready to leave home. She's already had an experience of being out on her own for the last three months. She was nannying in France and she had to turn to prayer and to these spiritual practices that she knew and have been using in our family, so these predictable practices are real and they work, so write down three to five predictable practices that you think will be key in your family and they don't even have to be quote unquote, spiritual. I wake my children in a joyful, happy matter every morning. I do... This is something that I've made a promise that I will greet them with joy and love. After that, all bets are off, but I greet them with joy and love and how do I get responded to have a more minutes. I'm so tired, right? It doesn't matter. I greet them with joy and love, and then after that, it's their choice how they're going to face today, so predictable practices, three to five. What are those things that you can feel are gonna need to be put into play in your family that will also help you through a crisis? The second piece of this is regular routines. This is so crucial. This is a little different than predictable practices. Those are more of those touchy feely, got to have that spiritual, intuitive feeling, groundedness, right? Regular routines are the day to day pragmatic things. These are the things that need to happen. I've got a snack laid out for them when they come home from school now, not every single day, and it's not like it's out on pinterest. Right? It's not like that. Put a little cheese and crackers and some grapes. Okay, we're good. Or some yummy quito cookies or something like that. It's not like I have this big gourmet fair, but they have a predictable routine and they know I'm going to get a download of their day. Okay. Your life may be different. Maybe you work full time right, and you're not there. That's fine. Get rid of the guilt and set up a regular routine that you can say, this is how this flows so that they know when you're going to be there and how it's gonna roll. So the thing that struck me with this regular routines, it was so tender I cannot even express to you... So here we've gone and stopped at a friends house just to sort of re retool and have a few hours and then we came here to my friend's basement apartment, which the space, I swear it was left open for us because she'd been looking for someone to be in here and haven't found someone yet and we're able to just come right in. So it's, you know, it's in one of these beautiful older homes in Provo. So we're down in the basement and it's one of those, it's like she has a, she has a daybed, kind of like a fold out couch kind of thing and then she has a bed in the other room but it's a little bit minimal, you know, as far as like actual furnishings and things and she hasn't really moved forward on it. So it's not like it's all like incredibly, you know, decked out and things like that. But it is lovely. And she has, she goes, come, I've got beds, I got linens, I've got, I've got whatever you need. Got Towels. So we come in here and we were not prepared for the sweetness. That was awaiting as we come in at this time, it's Friday, that's yesterday and it's September 14th and it's my daughter's birthday, so my 18 year old turned 19 during this whole melee. Right. In fact when it hit midnight from the Thursday, the Friday, her and I were still up and we were the only one's awake and I had a cupcake from the event, the reboot event that you got this reboot and I had brought up a couple of cupcakes for the kids up to the room and I had one cupcake left and so she pulled up on her phone. My daughter pulled up a candle that was lit on the phone and she put it right by the cupcake and I sang happy birthday... To her it was the most tender experience… I posted about it on Instagram, but it was the most tender experience. So here it's her birthday. Right. But it's kind of getting shoved back in a little bit at this melee. So we go to this friend's house, then we come to here to this basement apartment. We walk in...It's at night. What's time was it like...I don't know what 8:39 at night. We're tired. I haven't showered. I, I'm really needing to just like get everybody set and get them where they need to be in trying to keep all happy and positive… We walk in and this good woman, we come into this basement apartment and she has the bed is made up like Ikea. I'm going to post pictures of it with the little rose pillows, and the turn down comforters, and we go into the kitchen, and we opened the fridge, and she has snacks, and yogurts, and drinks, and goldfish, and bottled water, and milk. And then we look on the counter and she set out breakfast items and paper plates and there's cops in their spoons. She did, I mentioned is a mother of nine. She's also going to school and it isn't until later that I found out that she has an assignment that she didn't know it was due by midnight and it's like by now it's like 9:30 or something at night. And she is talking to me like she's got all the time in the world! We go into the other rooms. She has got the bathroom set up beautifully. We go into the hallway and she's got a little “Happy Birthday.” You know those little letters that say happy birthday hanging on the wall. I literally was almost in tears. Can I tell you that is a regular routine? She set up our home. That is what I'm talking about. A routine. What are the routines that make your home run like a home? We came in, we had bathroom things, we had towels, we had a place to sleep. She even had a little pad and a sleeping bag and a steamed Lightening McQueen pillow for my six year old son all set to go. It fit all of us… Everything that could have been considered was considered for our comfort. She had created a working home and she said it took her only about an hour. I'm like an hour. I was dying. That's an hour. She could have been doing her stuff. And she said, “I did it with a cheerful heart.” She said, “I considered it a joy.” Isn't that so her? I, I just, I can't wait. I'm going to have to interview her. You got to meet this woman, so I just want you to know this is what we came and were greeted with. She had set up our home so quickly that we were able to then put our stuff away and get ready for our predictable practices our scripture, our prayer... I'm getting notices the whole time on the fire and I'm able to just move through it because all of these things are set. So think in your mind, “What are some of the regular routines?” Food, how do you do your groceries so that there's food in the house and there's things for this kind of a situation where you would have paper plates, you'd have extra in your pantry. Doesn't mean you have to have a huge pantry. Doesn't mean you have to have this extensive food storage, but what's in your food pantry? You don't think that I'm writing notes on this. I have these things in my house, but now I know when someone is a refugee, these are some of the things that they need right off the bat. When you're in crisis, these are some of the things you're going to need. How can you set up your home quickly? You need a space for the bathroom stuff. You need a space for being able to have the toothbrushes and the toothpaste, the whatever you need for your evening, like taking off your, your makeup or whatever. Wipes. Definitely need wipes. You need a place for the food and the kitchen. We didn't have a dining room table or anything in here and she said, wait a second, I've got this old table out in the hallway, so are in this closet. So we went to the closet and yet was an old card like flip table thing, you know, and she's like the top. It was kind of ripped the melamine or whatever it was was ripped and she's like, I'll get a table cloth. We set that table up with this cute little checkered cloth. Boom. Four chairs done for folding chairs. Done are eating space is set up, so now we have a wash cleaning space, we have a food space in the kitchen, we've got food now we have our sleeping spaces, we've got those set up and now we have our eating space together as a family. So can you see these routines? How predictable this is because guess what those regular routines are, where do you eat and when? When do you shower? When do you bathe? When do you grocery shop? When do you do your laundry? When do you do your cleaning as a family, where do they keep their things? All of those regular routines matter and having a routine, and I'm loving this because I teach women how to do this simply and easily to do the cleaning, the deep clean, the daily do's, how to do their laundry quickly and streamline it, how to do their, their organizing of their bills and things like that and streamline it. How to make it so it's total so you can take it as you go, oh my goodness, am I having such a validation of the things that I've been teaching women for 20 years and how important this is because in a crisis, it doesn't matter if you're being evacuated or if you're staying at home and you're just experiencing a health crisis or something. You are able to in that moment, recreate your home environment wherever you are, and that's what we did in the most beautiful thing to close this up. This morning I woke up and I walked out into the other room where the kids were sleeping and right there on that makeshift table with that tablecloth. My daughter had set up for the table ready for breakfast. Was that the cutest thing? We watched these scripts for videos and we watched one on ruth and it. It was showing depicting when ruth left with her mother in Law Naomi and how she went with her and they went into Satan's old kind of rundown home. That used to be. I was imagining it used to be their home, but they went in at night and it was just kind of a sort of a scriptural depiction of what it could be like and so ruth has Naomi go to sleep because Naomi's elderly and ruth works through the night to clean and tidy this, this really poverty stricken home. There's hardly anything there, but she makes it all nice and pretty for when Ruth and Naomi wakes up in the morning and I looked at this table that was set up for breakfast and I'll post it on social media and she even put a little block that I got at the reboot event that you got this women Reba reboot. We got a little block, the three founders from one of the founders, mothers that said, you got this. She had found it at a bookstore and so I had thrown that into the tub to take with us when we left the hotel and she put that little block on the table. So I stood there staring at this beautifully made up table with paper plates and spoons and little napkins in the paper. The plastic cups and this little block at this at the top of the table that said, you got this beautiful. That's regular routines. That is the power of my friends have these life saving routines. It creates calm, it creates order. It creates peace. It creates continuity. It creates security. It creates regular rhythms that children and adults can rely on so that their energy can be used for dealing with whatever comes emotionally and whatever may come physically that is unexpected. So I implore you to write down what are three to five of those predictable practices and what are three to five of those regular routines that you can get working to a b plus degree in your home right now to create without a crisis. That calm assurance, confidence and and consistency. All right. Stay tuned for more and have more podcasts and things I'm learning from this Pole Creek Fire experience and hopefully you're learning some great things to remember. You got this with Balance Redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life. They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home. So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?” That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio… Welcome back to Balance Redefined, and if you haven't listened to any of my other podcasts on this, I am actually in the middle of an evacuation. We've been evacuated from our home for the Pole Creek Fire. It is the number one fire concern in the nation. It is, as I understand it, the biggest fire in Utah history and it is right there at my home. The fires are literally coming up and threatening our homes... I'm with my neighbors and in our little sweet city and community and to communities. They're actually, they're being threatened. But as far as it relates specifically to me in my home and I am podcasting, this actually for my friend's a basement apartment with the little tripod on top of my son's Lego box and I have felt strongly to share some of these thoughts in real time while my kids are playing and they're settled, they're happy to just share some of these thoughts and feelings. [The fire has burned 70,000 acres. They have about a thousand firefighters there right now and they're doing all they can. They have been incredible. The community has been incredible. Everybody has organized and put into play these organizational emergency preparedness principles and practices, and I share those in another of the pole creek podcasts. But it has been incredible what they are doing and how it is, how it is working, even against horrific conditions, red flag conditions and high winds and all of these things that are just so going against what would help us to successfully fight this fire. And so I am so grateful, but the thing I want to share with you today. I've alluded to it in a couple of the other podcast because it was a separate thing I wanted to share was on this topic of the need for normal and how that specifically affected this reboot event that we were doing for “You Got This,” and there's a couple of other things that I want to put into play here. But the reason why I'm sharing this as I want you to be able to take what I'm sharing and apply it to your own life. In your own situation. A crisis that you may be facing-health, financial, personal. Something that may be happening in your neck of the woods, whatever it is, being able to apply these principles because they have been powerful for me. I have done so much learning in the last few days. I can't even describe it... I've got my journal in front of me here because that's the main thing I carried with me in my purse. This little tiny gratitude journal and I've been writing notes as it's been coming because I feel like the spiritual and emotional floodgates have just been opening and seeing things with new eyes. I think a crisis does that… I think that's why sometimes we have to make these emotional shifts because we do start seeing things in a new way with clarity and with ability to understand those things on a deeper level… So what I want to talk about, what this normal is, I had a really powerful experience when the siren went off and we left and then it got upgraded to prove accusation and then it got up to the level two mandatory evacuation during all these hours. Well, especially at the very beginning, I had to make a decision and picking up my kids and being very positive. I'm being happy, but in the back of my mind we have on this very same day, what are the chances? Twice a year we're doing this event, this, “You Got This” event. We did one in spring and as you know, everyone said, “Oh, it's not going to work.” It was a first time event... It's an interfaith women's conference to help women deal with life challenges through faith, family and community, and they said, “Eh... you're looking at, you'll have 100 people takes a year to plan this and we only had three months…” and guess what? It was incredibly successful. Almost 600 women attended. We're still reaping the benefits of that and still getting people sharing with us how powerful that was. So out of that was born, this idea of a smaller sister event of this sort of outgrowth of reboot, meaning halfway through the year. We can't do a big conference like that twice a year, but we could do a smaller, more connected event, you know, where it's a little more intimate with about 300 women. We could do that. So here's this event on Thursday that is all set and prepared to go and and thinking through this. Like my first thought is, “Nope my kids and we're evacuating our home. I can't do it.” But then the other thought comes to me, “This is way down south. This isn't affecting anybody else. Up North isn't affecting anybody else outside of our community in that sense. They've sacrificed, they've done everything they can to choreograph and get themselves there so they can learn how to deal with a live challenge through faith, family and community… “Really, I'm just going to drop them like a hot potato? Me and the two other founders…” What am I going to do? And just say, “Hey, you guys, just whatever. I'm not going to do my part...” So I said a prayer. I said, “I really want to know what I need to do,” and remember, I believe in God, so insert higher power the universe, whatever is for you, whatever that you define it, but I just said a prayer said, “Heavenly Father, I really need to know what's best to do here,” and you know, the feeling thought I got, “Keep life normal…” Just keep it as normal as possible in all ways, not just about this event but in everything. Just try to keep it as normal as possible. Do you know what a lifesaver that has been for me in the last 48 hours? It has been everything because that driver has made me stay calm. Stay clear and come back to that balance point of yeah, but are we keeping it normal? Yes, we are… That's what we want to do that if you listen to my other podcast, I talk about some things that help that with the routines and things to keep it normal and how, oh my gosh, how vital that is. So I had to make that decision and interestingly right when we were relieving at the very first to after that siren, even in that moment that thought came to me of doing this and I prayed and got that answer, I literally grabbed the dress that I would was going to wear for that reboot and the shoes and the slip and even the fat tourniquet though I couldn't find it later. So I was all me hanging out. But I grabbed everything that I needed and the curling iron and even grabbed this podcast tripod. Can you believe that? I just, I've only done these for a few weeks while I've done them forever my life, but just this new program and I, I put it in. They're not even thinking consciously, oh, I'm going to do a podcast. Just put it in that tub, that immediate tub. And so as I got that, and then I kept getting this reaffirmation, I'd go back to him and say, a prayer, should I do this? Is it okay for me to keep moving forward on this? I would keep getting the same affirmation, keep life normal. Keep it normal and so I moved forward on that reboot and I have to tell you, my two daughters were down at the house pulling stuff out in a couple of hours that we had when we were able to go back and get stuff out for reals and they were down there doing it and I'm driving up north with my other daughter and my six year old and I'm thinking, “Is this right?” Is this right? That I should be focused on this reboot? Like everybody else can handle it, you know, I are you sure that I need to be a part of this? And as I'm driving up I feel this sense of peace and calm. And thankfully I had this reassurance and I didn't push it away. I get up to the hotel and because we're having the conference at a hotel, I'm right there. I said, I'll just get another room. And embassy suites was so darling. They went ahead and gave me a beautiful rate with the sort of two sweet kind of thing. So we had a doors that you could walk in and out of between the two rooms. It was incredible, super low rate. They were so kind. They knew about my situation and I was able to get the kids set. They were happy. They went swimming, they watched movies, but we don't get pop patrol at our house and my six year old got paw patrol and the whole time I'm talking to him about being real. We needed to leave because there's a lot of smoke and it's going to hurt our lungs if we're there and they're going to do their best to make sure it's all cleared out for us and so we're going to come up here to the hotel. We're just going to have a vacation. We're going to have a fun little adventure and that's what we did. Keeping it normal, keeping it normal, trusting that he will provide going forth in faith. I had a piece in this program that I was supposed to practice and rehearse and make sure it went well and I did not do it. I didn't do it in that day and I just thought, heavenly father, I'm trusting. So as we get to this event, I've got all my kids. There were good. I quickly put on my dress, I was in my pajamas when I got the evacuation siren and so I'm literally curling my hair in like five minutes. I don't have any foundation. I grabbed my bag and it didn't have it, so I'm putting on this cover up thing and I'm trying to just make it work and I put on this dress. I don't have jewelry. I just put on my shoes. I thought we were just rolling. We're just rolling. My kids will be up here in the hotel room. I'll be down here. My 18 year old was right there with them. My 15 year old, 13 year old, everybody's happy, they're all settled. I'm like, okay, I'm going to focus on the women right before the reboot starts. I get this text that there has been not just a mandatory evacuation but the fire is dangerous, dangerous and that it's not looking good. And I get a text from a friend that says our religious leader has asked that we have a united prayer wherever citizens are at 6:30 PM and right now it's 6:22 and Aaliyah rose from the voice. She is singing her warm up songs, not warmup but the opening songs to the actual conference before we start at 6:30 and at 6:30 we had something else planned to sort of get it started and then we would have our part that the three founders, we would go up and do our thing. So I walked over to the director and I asked the other founders and I said, “Can we change it? Do you mind if I just go up and the person that's giving the opening prayer, can we start at 6:30? And do you mind if I indulge that? Can we ask these women to join with us in prayer?” And they said, “Let's do it.” So I walked up on that stage and here's almost 300 women in this room. And the woman who was giving the opening prayer, her name is Paki Missouri, and she's Hindu, and she is a beautiful spirit filled woman, and I took the microphone and I you know how you want to welcome people to an event. They sacrificed, they want to be enlightened and uplifted, and I did not want this to be heavy, but I felt in my soul this was a moment, an interfaith women's conference. What better place to be and what better opportunity for me to ask them to pray for our cities and for our families and our homes? And so I invoked and asked if they would do that. And he took the microphone and gave this beautiful singing kind of Hindu prayer that was absolutely gorgeous and I could feel her sincerity and her intention. And throughout the night, those women came up to me and they would say, “I'm praying for you. I'm still praying for you. We're praying for you.” And I knew. I knew that it wasn't just, are you kidding? Why did this happen today? But that, wow, what a blessing that this happened today. I had access to the spirit filled women who could unite in this strengthening faith, build prayer to help the cities and the families in the homes, and then after that prayer was done, I knew in my soul I needed to assure these women that they did not need to feel guilty about the night they could feel at peace that we had done our part and they could move forward, enjoy and I said a quick little prayer, my soul, and I took the microphone and I said, “Ladies, I want you to know thank you and I'm good…” “We are good. We have done what we can do and now we're going to enjoy the rest of the evening as intended, supporting and loving one another. I know I will,” and then I handed off the mic to another founder. I wanted those women to have permission to be able to get filled for the evening and they would take that back to their families and whatever crisis they were facing too, and it worked. It worked. There was such an electricity and a feel and that evening was. I can't describe the incredibleness of that evening. Every speaker, every panelist we had Baptist, and we had Nondenominational, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and we had the Hindu woman and we had a Sikh woman who did this beautiful seek singing prayer at near the end and incredible diversity of faith and family and community. It was. It was unreal. It was exactly what I needed... Had someone said to me, “What is something that you need to get through this experience of this evacuation and not knowing what's going to happen and to help you be able to be buoyed and be able to be with your family?” That is exactly what I needed… So the second part of this, of keeping life normal was one that life goes on. Whatever you have planned in a crisis, whatever, as far as you can do, keep moving forward. Now, there were other things like there was a meeting I was going to have Friday morning and we were going to touch base with all of the team members and with my company and all of that, and we were gonna do that, and we said, “No, we're just going to postpone that. Of course you can make shifts, shifts and changes.” Absolutely, but do you see what I'm saying? Those core pieces that we go, oh, why did this happen right now at this time? Maybe there's a reason and if you pray and get that reassurance, move forward and know that even if you don't know, if you have it within you now that God will provide it in the doing. As you walk that path, he will open the path. He's prepared the path and you will be able. If you walk that path, you will lead. You will be led to that destination into the thing that you needed to do. I couldn't have asked for a more amazing experience and of course I was checking with my kids and meanwhile in between talks, I'm getting these updates on the fire and I'm being able to stay calm in a place of peace and my kids are texting me saying, “We're doing great. Just got done swimming…” It's fantastic and they're having a great time. All was well, so fast forward. Go to the next day where we go to a friend's house for a couple of hours before we come here to this, this apartment, and so we're kind of in limbo. We're in another displays, kind of a feeling. It's my daughter's birthday, it's her birthday and in this melee, of course we're not necessarily focusing on that and I felt so badly about that and what we had planned for the day was to go to dinner and then all of us get pedicures at this little cute place that we go to, that they know us and we love them and they're. I don't know. I think they're from Vietnam or something, but they're just darling. We just love them. And so that had been the plan to do that and I thought, well I don't know if we should still do that, but there's nothing we can do. I've been texting, can we go down and help the firefighters so they need food, do they eat whatever? And they are being so taken care of, they have too much and they're telling everyone to stay away. And so I'm like, what do we do? Keep life normal. That is the feeling that I got again. So we'd go to a dinner that we weren't planning, you know, to go to this place that I really wanted to take her to, that she really wanted to go to, but we went to one that was a nice place, but it was a little bit different, little bit quicker. And we went there and we thought, “Let's go ahead and do the pedicures. Let's go ahead and celebrate. Let's go ahead and celebrate their birthday. There's nothing else to do.” We can have some savor, we can have some joy… We need to lighten up. Let's just go forward, enjoy. And you know how I feel about joy. I am all about joy no matter what and that felt good. So we did dinner and we went to go get pedicures and we were feeling joy. That is we're sitting there and starting to feel this. A little bit of heaviness in my heart of, you know, it's about 8:00 at night and I'm thinking about those firefighters and then right then my daughter whose birthday it is sitting next to me and she turns to me so in tune and she says, “I feel guilty.” “I feel guilty that I'm getting a pedicure and those firefighters are working so hard and that we have a fire that's approaching our home. I feel so guilty now at the time, there no homes that have been been hit and it's just coming toward our mountain and coming up and over and cresting on the nearby mountain…” That is another city that is our sister kind of right, right next to us anyway, and there's nothing we can do when we feel the helplessness of it… But she's feeling guilty and so am I that were sitting there doing something that's joyful… Even though I talk about joy in the trauma, I talk about that and I looked at her and I listened to what she said and I just had this feeling like, “I'm keeping a prayer of my heart,” and I just said to her, “You know what I'm feeling hun? I'm feeling to keep life normal and that we can go ahead and savor and have some joy. There's nothing more to be done. And it's okay to celebrate you and to celebrate your birthday. It's okay to have the celebration even in the face of something that looks so drastic in such a crisis and it's okay for us to do that.” And I, after I shared that with her to reassure her and she felt good, I lean back, but I still had a question in my mind was I just telling her that as a mom to make her feel better so she could celebrate her because we wanted her to feel seen it, that it wasn't gonna be skipped. But was I just telling her that so that she could just feel good? Was that really true? And as I said, a little prayer in my heart, this good man was working as I'm working on my feet and you know, he's doing this pedicure and they're just supposed to do your nails and things like that. And then they can do a little massage on your legs are a little bit on your feet. Well, I'm noticing that for whatever reason he is taking all this time on my feet and by this time my kids are done because I was going a bit later and my kids are done and they're kind of getting done and walking over to the seating area and I'm kind of by myself and I just, I don't know. I talk about sacred spaces and I hope you can kind of go with me on this, but it really, this moment became a sacred space for where I'm leaning back in this chair and I closed my eyes and there's been this go of the last 24 hours, over 24 hours and 36. And the stress and trying to stay calm and the upbeat and positive and all is well and figuring it out in my head three steps ahead and what we're, what we're going to do, and I felt my shoulders just sort of release and as I said this prayer and I just said, “Heavenly Father is this okay?” and the feeling that I got was, “Receive it, Just receive it.” and that's when my shoulders, I just felt them just go down and I leaned back further. I just sat back into that chair and I felt this man working on my foot, just this pains and out places and all of that... Just rubbing them out and I literally soaked in that moment and I received that piece and that nurturing and I realized that I had been trying to nurture and care for my children and that this was a gift that he was giving me. It wasn't something I was just trying to make myself feel better about, that he was giving me this gift and I simply needed to receive it. Don't look any deeper, don't look any harder. Don't try to fight it. Just receive it, and I did. I felt so good and then I opened my eyes, okay. Of course my tears are streaming down my face and the guys kind of looking at me like, “Okay?,” I'd already written out the receipt earlier for a tip, and so I gave them an extra tip and I said, “okay, you will not know, but this was really meaningful to be. I really needed this this evening and then when I went to give the main gal a hug goodbye, we had a moment just to chat about that. We were just evacuating and she gave me the sweetest hug and here, you know, we always each other maybe twice a year or something, but it's been over these last few years and it was just a tender sweet receiving moment and it was keeping things normal. I went to reboot, and the blessings of that. We kept her birthday celebration and the blessings of that. Everything we did throughout these last 48 hours, we have kept as normal as possible, getting groceries, setting up our home, and I had talked about that in another podcast doing going on as normal until normal can't be done. We create that normal within a crisis, within the unexpected, and that's where we get the blessings and the bullying is we open ourselves up to that. We move forward in faith, trusting that God will provide, and then when he does receive it, be nurtured by it. Be nourished by it because phase two is coming, so take it as he gives it and take it and receive it with gratitude. Hopefully you got something good out of this today that you can apply to your life and remember you've got this with balance redefined. You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.
On this edition of "Utah Weekly Forum" Your Host, Rebecca Cressman talks with Connie Sokol, Conference Co-Founder and Nubia Pena, Training and Prevention Specialist for The Utah Coalition against Sexual Assault about The Interfaith Women's Conference, You Got This! happening Saturday April 14th at The UCCU Events Center in Orem. Connie talks about how the conference was created and the reasons behind it, including dealing with daily life challenges both personally and professionally as well as connecting with women of different faith's that might be going through the same struggles. Details and Information about this event can be downloaded for podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Play and FM 100.com!
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