Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

“People pleasing isn't love. It's fear dressed up as kindness.” Have you ever gone along to get along? Said yes when you really wanted to say no? Diminished your desires, your boundaries, or even your calling—just to avoid conflict or gain approval? If so, you're not alone. In this heartfelt and eye-opening Coaches Takeover episode, Coaches Diana and Susan unpack one of the most common struggles among women: people pleasing. With honesty, biblical insight, and hard-earned wisdom, they dive into the roots of this behavior, share real stories of personal growth, and offer gentle but practical steps to help you stop abandoning yourself—and start showing up with truth, courage, and strength. Whether you've been stuck in patterns of self-sacrifice, afraid to speak up, or just feeling exhausted from trying to keep everyone happy, this conversation will meet you with grace and give you tools to walk in freedom. People Pleasing Is a Form of Self-Abandonment At its core, people pleasing happens when we silence our own needs, wants, or convictions in favor of someone else's. Whether out of fear of rejection, a desire to keep the peace, or a longing for approval, this behavior often stems from insecurity and a loss of self. Susan shares how people pleasing is about needing something from others (like validation or acceptance) and sacrificing yourself to get it—often without even realizing it. You Can't Heal What You Don't Notice One of the most powerful things you can do is pause and pay attention. Diana and Susan remind us that many women have been conditioned (in families, churches, or culture) to believe that “being nice” means suppressing their true selves. But without self-awareness, people pleasing becomes an automatic pattern that robs us of authenticity and connection. Naming it is the first step to breaking free. Personal Stories Reveal the Cost of People Pleasing Diana vulnerably shares moments in her life where fear of disappointing others led to missed opportunities—including a professional invitation she turned down simply because she didn't ask for what she needed. Susan reflects on how being trained as a therapist to be a “blank slate” magnified her already strong pattern of disappearing for others. Their stories highlight how people pleasing may seem noble—but often leads to regret and invisibility. Reclaiming Your Voice Takes Practice—and Courage Breaking free from people pleasing means learning to notice your own preferences, to ask for what you need, and to tolerate the discomfort of not pleasing everyone. This isn't selfish—it's sacred. As Susan and Diana point out, many women have never developed a strong sense of self, or it's been erased by years of criticism or control. Rebuilding it is part of healing, and it takes time, support, and practice. Your Purpose Matters—Don't Let Fear Steal It People pleasing often leads to lost opportunities, diminished confidence, and emotional exhaustion. But God created you with purpose and worth—and you don't have to keep hiding or hustling to prove yourself. With the right tools and support, you can step into truth, draw healthy boundaries, and become the strong, faithful woman God called you to be.

“You're not alone, you're not crazy—and with God's help, you can build confidence and walk in truth.” Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough? Like you didn't belong or couldn't trust your own decisions? Maybe you've wrestled with anxiety before speaking up, or feared being rejected in relationships. If so, you're not alone. In this special “Coaches Takeover” episode, Coaches Susan and Diana get real about a struggle that touches every woman at some point: insecurity. They peel back the layers to explore what insecurity really is, how it forms, how it shows up in everyday life—from career and finances to relationships and social settings—and how to move forward with confidence, clarity, and faith. With biblical insight, relatable stories, and practical tools, this episode will help you identify hidden roots of insecurity and take the first step toward freedom. Understanding the Root of Insecurity Insecurity isn't just a feeling—it's often a long-standing belief shaped by past wounds, trauma, criticism, or comparison. Susan and Diana explain how insecurity is usually built on perception rather than truth, and how that perception becomes a lens that affects everything from your self-worth to your ability to make decisions. Types of Insecurity—and Where You Might See Yourself From public speaking to parenting, marriage to money, insecurity shows up in many forms: personal, relational, social, professional, and financial. The coaches share vulnerable stories from their own lives (yes, even beach towel choices and Ph.D. paths!) to illustrate how insecurity can limit growth and paralyze action. The Body Keeps the Score Insecurity doesn't just stay in your head. It shows up in your body—through anxiety, overthinking, or even chronic stress. You'll learn how physical dysregulation can keep you stuck and how being curious (not critical) about your reactions can be a powerful path to healing. Shifting from Perfectionism to Purpose When insecurity drives perfectionism, it keeps you focused on your flaws instead of your impact. The coaches offer a mindset shift: let go of the need to be perfect and embrace being human. Showing up, even imperfectly, is powerful—especially when you focus on helping others rather than proving yourself. From Shame to Strength: A Biblical Perspective Going all the way back to Genesis, we see insecurity take root when we begin to question who we are and who God is. Susan and Diana remind us of the enemy's tactics and encourage us to put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10–12), standing firm in truth and identity as beloved daughters of the King. You Are Not Alone Friend, insecurity may whisper that you're not enough—but the truth is, you are deeply loved, uniquely created, and equipped by God for purpose. You don't need to stay stuck in fear. With His help, you can show up strong, stand in your worth, and walk in freedom. We're so glad you're here. If this episode encouraged you, would you share it with a friend or leave a review? You never know who might need the hope and healing God has for them through your simple act of sharing. Until next time, keep leaning into courage, wisdom, and the One who loves you most.

In this tender episode of Unfiltered Truth, Coach LeAnne shares one brave woman's deeply vulnerable question about parenting in the wake of trauma—and the grace-filled truth we all need to hear. If you've ever reacted in anger and wondered, “What's wrong with me?”—you're not alone. Through a trauma-informed, Christ-centered lens, LeAnne explores how past wounds shape present responses and offers practical tools to begin breaking reactive cycles with compassion, courage, and truth. You'll learn: Why trauma often shows up in parenting How to pause before reacting What it means to name your triggers How to repair ruptures and reset relationships Where God's grace meets us in our weakness Featured Scripture: 2 Timothy 1:7 Psalm 4:4 Psalm 139:23–24 Hebrews 12:1 2 Corinthians 12:9 Resources Mentioned: Read the full blog post: When Trauma Shows Up in Parenting → https://leslievernick.com/blog/understanding-and-breaking-the-cycle-of-trauma-responses-in-parenting/ Learn more about Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI): - https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/trust-based-relational-intervention-tbri-works-leanne/ Want to coach with LeAnne or the team? Learn more about our community. Visit: https://leslievernick.com/coaching/ Subscribe to Relationship Truth Unfiltered so you never miss an episode!

In this deeply personal and powerful kickoff to the Coaches Takeover Series on Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, join Certified Coaches LeAnne Parsons and Diana Bala as they pull back the curtain on their personal stories of people-pleasing, performance, and purpose—and how God has faithfully redeemed it all. With warmth, honesty, and Christ-centered wisdom, LeAnne and Diana share how their journeys of healing led them to coaching—and why they are passionate about walking alongside women in emotionally destructive relationships today. This episode will help you feel seen, known, and invited into your own transformation. You'll discover that you don't have to disappear to keep the peace, and you don't have to perform to be loved. If you've ever thought, “Maybe it's me,” or “Is it selfish to say no?”—this episode is for you. What You'll Hear in This Episode: Personal stories of people-pleasing and the protective roles it plays Moments of transformation that shifted everything Why coaching is a sacred and powerful tool in healing journeys How Scripture anchors the work of both coaches Real, practical first steps to move beyond fear-based approval-seeking Encouragement that you are not too messy for God's love—or His purpose Anchor Scripture: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” — Galatians 1:10 (NLT) Quotable Moments: “You don't have to disappear to keep the peace.” – LeAnne “People-pleasing wasn't my personality—it was my protection.” – LeAnne “It's maturity, not selfishness, to know who God made you to be.” – Diana “Your ‘no' can be holy when it honors your God-given priorities.” – Diana Ready for More? Learn more about coaching with our team: www.leslievernick.com/coaching Subscribe to Relationship Truth: Unfiltered so you don't miss what's next! Share this episode with a friend who needs encouragement and truth today. Leave a review—it helps others find the same support and strength. Closing Prayer Highlight: “You're not alone. You're not crazy. And with God's help, you can live in truth, walk in CORE strength, and reclaim your voice.” – LeAnne Sneak Peek: Stay tuned for upcoming episodes featuring powerful client stories of transformation and live Q&A sessions with your coaches. Real questions, real answers, rooted in real hope.

In this special episode, LeAnne Parsons (PCC, TBRI Practitioner, and coach on Leslie Vernick's team) shares an exciting update. With Leslie's full blessing and invitation, the coaching team is stepping in to bring a new Coaches Takeover Series to the podcast! You'll hear encouragement, real transformation stories, and coaching insights that align perfectly with the biblical foundation and trauma-informed care this podcast is known for. Expect practical tools, Christ-centered truth, and deep reminders that your healing matters and your voice is not too much. Highlights: Why Leslie invited her coaching team to take the mic What's ahead in the new Coaches Takeover Series Why this message of healing, boundaries, and truth matters more than ever A personal encouragement from LeAnne Galatians 1:10 (NLT) Learn more: www.leslievernick.com/coaching Don't forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review!

Have you ever felt like you've lost yourself trying to make a relationship work? You go through the motions, trying to be the "good wife," the "submissive woman," the "faithful helper"—but deep inside, something feels off. You're exhausted, resentful, and unsure how you even got here. In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie welcomes psychotherapist and leadership coach Michelle Moffitt for a candid conversation about what it means to wake up, reclaim your voice, and start honoring the woman God created you to be. Michelle shares her personal journey of trauma, toxic theology, and eventually rediscovering her worth and agency through therapy, self-awareness, boundaries, and faith. You'll learn how to stop playing small, listen to your intuition, and begin transforming not only your relationships—but your life.

What do you do when trust is shattered, but no one around you seems to take your pain seriously? In today's deeply honest and hope-filled episode, Leslie sits down with Nick Stumbo, former pastor and Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, who opens up about his personal battle with pornography—and the profound impact it had on his wife, his marriage, and his ministry. Nick's story isn't just one of addiction—it's about healing, honesty, and hope when everything seems lost. Together, Leslie and Nick dismantle toxic messaging that pressures wives to “just forgive” or “have more sex,” and instead offer a biblical and brain-based path toward real recovery—one that honors both the betrayed and the struggler. If you or someone you love is silently suffering in a marriage affected by pornography, this episode will remind you: You're not alone, and your healing matters.  

What if the marriage you fought to save was the very thing destroying you? In today's raw and courageous episode, Leslie sits down with Naghmeh Panahi, a woman many first heard about when she passionately advocated for the release of her husband, Pastor Saeed Abedini, imprisoned in Iran for his Christian faith. But behind the public story of courage and faith, Naghmeh was quietly suffering in a destructive and abusive marriage. Naghmeh shares for the first time some of the hidden truths behind her story—how culture, Christian teaching, trauma bonding, and spiritual confusion kept her trapped in abuse, and how God gently led her out of the rubble and into healing. Her story is not just about abuse; it's about redemption, truth, and discovering her worth as a cherished daughter of God. Whether you've questioned if your marriage is abusive, struggled to reconcile your faith with your suffering, or wondered if healing is even possible—this episode is for you.  

Have you ever wondered if healing is truly possible after the deepest kind of betrayal? Maybe you've been carrying the weight of shame, confusion, or silence for years. Or maybe someone you love is walking that road and you don't know how to help. In this honest and hope-filled episode, Leslie is joined by Tabitha Westbrook, licensed therapist, abuse recovery expert, and survivor, for one of the most vulnerable conversations we've had yet. Tabitha courageously shares parts of her own story of sexual abuse—both in childhood and in marriage—and offers profound insight into what real healing looks like. Together, Leslie and Tabitha explore how trauma impacts our bodies, our faith, our sexuality, and our relationships—and how God gently invites us toward wholeness. Whether you're walking through this journey yourself or supporting someone who is, you'll leave this episode with truth, compassion, and a renewed sense of hope.

Is It Neurodivergence… or Abuse? One Woman's Journey to Truth and Freedom What do you do when the man you married is beloved by everyone, but you're falling apart behind closed doors? When he's neurodivergent—and you want to be compassionate—but you're the one carrying the entire weight of the marriage, ministry, and motherhood? In this deeply moving episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with life coach, neurodiversity advocate, and former missionary Jenilee Goodwin. Jenilee courageously shares her story of being in a 23-year emotionally destructive marriage while also navigating the challenges of ministry, chronic illness, and parenting neurodivergent children. Her journey—from burnout and confusion to clarity and empowerment—will resonate with every woman who's ever asked: Is it really that bad… or am I just not trying hard enough? With honesty, wisdom, and deep spiritual insight, Jenilee walks us through the complexities of differentiating neurodivergent limitations from emotionally abusive behavior, and how she found the strength to obey God—even when it meant letting go of everything she'd built. Key Takeaways 1. Neurodivergence vs. Destructive Behavior: How to Discern the Difference Jenilee explains how difficult it was to separate her husband's ADHD and possible autism from his emotionally abusive behaviors. The turning point? Realizing that neurodivergence doesn't excuse a lack of empathy, unwillingness to change, or repeated disregard for her well-being. Diagnosis is not a license for disrespect. 2. When Ministry Expectations Keep You Stuck As a pastor's wife and missionary, Jenilee felt enormous pressure to keep up appearances. But when her health began to deteriorate and her husband refused to share the load, she had to make a painful decision: obey the institutional church… or obey God's whisper to “stop.” 3. You Are Not His Body and Brain Jenilee describes the crushing emotional and mental labor she carried for her husband—being his memory, his planner, his spiritual leader—until she said no more. When she stopped overfunctioning, things crumbled… but clarity and healing finally began. 4. Obedience to God Sometimes Looks Like Letting Go The lie that godly women must sacrifice themselves no matter what is one that keeps many stuck in harmful marriages. Jenilee shares how stepping into obedience—choosing truth over appearances—led to both heartbreak and unexpected joy. 5. Your Body Keeps the Score—But God Holds the Pen From MS and fibromyalgia to chronic fatigue, Jenilee's body bore the cost of the emotional toll she carried for years. But after she stopped rescuing her husband and started caring for herself, healing began—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Closing Encouragement Sister, you are not selfish for needing rest. You are not ungodly for drawing boundaries. You are not breaking your marriage—you are breaking free from patterns that are breaking you. Obedience to God may feel like a fire, but on the other side is freedom, clarity, and healing. Don't wait until your body forces you to stop. Listen to that still, small voice. God is calling you into truth—and into life. You can do this. We're walking with you.

Divorce is never the goal, but sometimes it's the only solution to an abusive, destructive marriage. Yet, for many Christian women, the fear of financial ruin keeps them stuck in unhealthy relationships. Today, we're tackling that fear head-on with financial expert Rhonda Noordyk, founder of the Women's Financial Wellness Center and host of the podcast Disrupting Divorce Conversations for Women. Rhonda has dedicated her career to helping women navigate the financial complexities of divorce with confidence and clarity. In this episode, she shares practical strategies for financial empowerment, ways to uncover hidden assets, and how to build a strong support team so that no woman has to walk this journey alone. If you've ever felt trapped by financial insecurity or overwhelmed by the thought of handling money on your own, this conversation is for you. Key Takeaways Divorce Isn't the First Choice, But Sometimes It's the Best Choice Many women hesitate to leave abusive or destructive marriages due to religious or cultural conditioning. Rhonda and Leslie discuss why staying informed about your options is not promoting divorce but rather promoting wisdom and safety. Building a Strong Financial Foundation Starts with Awareness Whether you're contemplating divorce or just wanting to be more financially literate, knowing where your money is and how it works is crucial. Rhonda shares her Bridge Method, helping women breathe, build a financial team, and gather critical financial documents before making any decisions. Common Financial Fears and How to Overcome Them Fear of being destitute, of never being able to own a home, or of not being able to provide for children keeps many women feeling stuck. Rhonda walks us through the knowledge-experience-confidence formula that helps women step into financial empowerment. Practical Steps to Uncover Financial Information Rhonda shares insider strategies, including checking credit reports, IRS transcripts, and even using USPS informed delivery, to help women piece together their financial picture—even when their spouse has kept them in the dark. You Don't Have to Do This Alone Having a trusted support system is key. If you don't know where to start, find a financial expert, a supportive friend, or even a private investigator if necessary. Rhonda's resources make it easier to take those first steps toward financial security. Resources & Next Steps Listen to Rhonda's podcast Disrupting Divorce Conversations for Women Download Rhonda's free resource: 6 Ways to Get a Fair Divorce Settlement – wfwcdivorce.com Explore Leslie's coaching programs and community for faith-based support – leslievernick.com Final Encouragement If you're feeling overwhelmed, remember this: You don't have to figure it all out today. Just take one small step toward educating yourself and preparing for your future. God will guide your path, one decision at a time. You are not alone, and you are stronger than you think.  

What happens when the person you trust most turns out to be a stranger behind closed doors? Many of us go into marriage believing we've found a godly partner, only to discover deception, manipulation, and an unraveling reality we never saw coming. In this powerful episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko sits down with Isla, a woman whose marriage began with hidden debts, constant lies, and a suffocating sense of tension. After years of heartache, separation, and a journey toward personal transformation, she and her husband now walk a different path—one built on truth, respect, and a deeper understanding of God's role in their lives. If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship where words don't match actions, where confusion and self-doubt creep in, this episode will encourage and empower you with the wisdom, faith, and tools to step into truth. Key Takeaways 1. The Slow Realization of Deception Isla's story began with excitement and hope—she believed she had chosen wisely. But from her wedding night onward, subtle red flags began to emerge: small acts of indifference, shifting moods, and later, outright lies. She learned that deception doesn't always come with blatant betrayal; sometimes, it's the quiet erosion of trust, the feeling that something is always just slightly off. If you feel unsettled in your relationship but can't pinpoint why, it's worth paying attention. 2. The Power of Denial and Overcompensating For years, Isla compensated for her husband's irresponsibility, picking up the slack and trying harder to make things work. She assumed his agreement with her concerns meant he would change, but true transformation requires action, not just words. Recognizing the difference between passive compliance and real accountability was key in her healing journey. 3. The Breaking Point: When You Can't Walk Through the Door Sitting in her car, unable to enter her own home, Isla hit a moment of undeniable truth—her marriage was crushing her spirit. It wasn't until she stepped back, created boundaries, and sought wisdom that she began to reclaim her life. Sometimes, rock bottom is the birthplace of transformation. 4. Healing Through Faith, Boundaries, and Community Isla's faith played a crucial role in her journey. She turned to Proverbs for wisdom, joined Conquer, and found a community of women who understood her struggle. Through this, she discovered that mutual, safe, and reciprocal relationships are God's design—not a life of walking on eggshells. Healing required her to hold the relationship loosely, allowing her husband to take responsibility for his own growth. 5. Rebuilding with Wisdom and Caution After three years of separation, her husband had to prove his change—not with words, but with actions. Weekly accountability groups, personal counseling, and a renewed commitment to truth paved the way for reconciliation. Their marriage today looks nothing like before—marked by independent wholeness, clear financial separation, and intentional rebuilding. It's not about returning to the old marriage; it's about creating something new. A Personal Invitation If Isla's story resonates with you, you don't have to navigate this alone. Conquer is a transformative support community designed for women facing destructive relationships. You'll find biblical wisdom, practical tools, and the support of women who truly understand. Learn more and join the waitlist at leslievernick.com/conquersignup. Closing Encouragement If you're sitting in your car, afraid to walk inside, know this: God sees you. You are precious in His sight, and you deserve a life built on truth, respect, and mutual love. Don't be afraid to take the next right step—one step at a time, one boundary at a time. You are not alone, and with God's guidance, healing and clarity are possible.  

When the Church Harms Instead of Heals: A Conversation with Dr. Diane Langberg Does the church always protect the vulnerable? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Too often, church leaders and institutions protect their own reputation, power, and influence instead of the wounded and abused. This episode is a crucial conversation with world-renowned trauma expert Dr. Diane Langberg, who has spent over five decades counseling survivors of abuse and working to bring truth and light into the darkest places within the church. In this episode, Leslie Vernick and Dr. Langberg discuss how churches can—and must—do better. They expose the dangerous ways churches enable abuse, misuse power, and silence victims in the name of God. If you've ever felt unheard, dismissed, or spiritually manipulated by those in leadership, this conversation will offer both validation and hope. Key Takeaways: 1. Why Churches Struggle to See and Address Abuse The church has been slow to acknowledge abuse within its walls. Too often, the institution is prioritized over the people. Jesus called leaders to "feed my sheep," yet many churches protect the system instead. Abuse survivors need churches that reflect Christ's heart, not just uphold doctrine. 2. The Harmful Messages Women Hear About Abuse and Marriage Many women are told that preserving marriage at all costs is God's will, even at the expense of their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. But God hates sin more than divorce. Jesus himself walked away from people who refused truth, and women are not called to stay in destructive relationships to honor God. 3. The Self-Deception of Abusive Church Leaders Abusive pastors and leaders often twist Scripture to justify their actions. They protect their reputations and minimize their sins, deceiving not only others but themselves. True repentance requires exposure and accountability, not secrecy and cover-ups. 4. How to Create Safer Churches for Abuse Survivors Churches must shift their focus from building large institutions to becoming places that reflect Christ's love and justice. This means listening to survivors, seeking expert training, and prioritizing character over charisma in leadership. 5. God's Heart for the Wounded For those who have been harmed by their church, Dr. Langberg offers a powerful reminder: God sees, weeps, and hates the evil done in His name. He does not ask you to stay in an abusive situation. He is for you, not against you. Resources and Next Steps: Dr. Diane Langberg's book: When the Church Harms God's People Dr. Diane Langberg's website: www.dianelangberg.com Leslie Vernick's resources for abuse survivors: www.leslievernick.com Need support? Join our private community for women seeking healing and guidance.  Final Encouragement If you've been hurt by the church, know this: God is not like the leaders who failed you. He sees you, loves you, and wants you to walk in freedom. Your voice matters, and healing is possible. Thank you for listening to Relationship Truth Unfiltered. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. 

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of hoping things will change, only to be disappointed over and over again? Maybe you're in a destructive marriage, and deep down, you know the truth... but accepting it feels impossible. In this episode, Leslie Vernick and Julie Sedenko dive into what true acceptance looks like, especially for women in difficult relationships. But here's the key: Acceptance doesn't mean giving up. It doesn't mean resigning yourself to misery. Instead, it's about facing the truth so that you can take back your power and choose your next steps wisely. If you're exhausted from trying to change someone who refuses to change, this episode will help you shift your mindset and start taking care of yourself because you are worth it. Key Takeaways: 1. Healthy People Live in the Truth Denying reality doesn't change it, it only keeps you stuck. Accepting a hard truth doesn't mean you have to like it, but it does mean you can begin to move forward. Resisting reality drains your energy. Facing it, even when it hurts, is the first step to healing and change. 2. Acceptance is Empowering, Not Defeating Accepting the truth about your marriage doesn't mean it will never change, but it does mean you stop relying on "hopium", the false hope that if you just try harder, he'll be different. When you accept reality, you regain your power by asking: “What are my choices now?” Acceptance leads to action. You can start making plans for your well-being, rather than waiting for someone else to change. 3. You Have Choices, Even When It Feels Like You Don't If your husband refuses to change, you can choose how you will respond. Your choices might include setting firmer boundaries, building financial independence, finding emotional support, or even considering separation. Instead of waiting for someone else to rescue you, step into the role God has given you as the steward of your own life. 4. Stop Living Like a Doormat—Set Healthy Boundaries Feeling like a doormat? That's a sign you need better boundaries. Being kind does not mean letting people take advantage of you. When you start saying “no,” pay attention to how people respond. Do they respect your boundaries, or do they punish you for them? That tells you a lot about the relationship. 5. Taking Responsibility for Your Own Well-Being If your needs aren't being met in your marriage, you don't have to stay stuck in resentment. Instead, you can take steps to meet them in other ways. Stop waiting for your husband to make you feel valued, loved, or celebrated. Celebrate yourself. God calls us to steward our lives wisely. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it's responsible. A Personal Invitation: Are you struggling to accept a painful truth in your marriage? You don't have to go through this alone. Ready to take action and grow stronger? Walking in CORE Strength is a coaching program designed to help you build confidence, set boundaries, and reclaim your life. Learn more and join us here. Final Encouragement: Acceptance is hard, but it's also the doorway to freedom. When you stop fighting the truth, you can start making choices that bring peace, strength, and healing into your life. You are not alone, and God will give you the courage to take the next step.

RESOURCES: Join Walking in Core Strength Today! Beth Allison Barr's website "Becoming the Pastor's Wife" by Beth Allison Barr What does it mean to be a pastor's wife? Is it a God-ordained role, or has it been shaped by culture? And how do women in ministry or marriage find freedom when their identity feels crushed under the weight of unrealistic expectations? In this powerful and eye-opening episode, Leslie sits down with Dr. Beth Allison Barr, a medieval historian, pastor's wife, and author of The Making of Biblical Womanhood and Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as Women's Paths to Ministry. Together, they uncover the hidden history of women in the church, the pressures placed on pastor's wives, and the rise of complementarian theology that has harmed both women and men. Beth also shares practical wisdom for women navigating abusive marriages, ministry challenges, and the journey to rediscover their God-given identity. Whether you're a pastor's wife, married to a man in leadership, or simply navigating the tension between cultural expectations and God's calling, this episode will inspire you to seek truth, embrace courage, and step into the freedom God has for you. Key Takeaways: The Pastor's Wife Role: Cultural, Not Biblical Many assume the role of the pastor's wife is biblically mandated, but Beth reveals that it is a cultural construct that emerged in modern history. While the role can be valuable for those called to it, it is not the primary calling for all women. Recognizing this truth is freeing and helps dismantle harmful expectations. Empowering Lessons from Black Churches Black pastor's wives have historically embraced more freedom and authority in their roles, often co-pastoring or pursuing ministry outside their husband's church. Unlike white evangelical churches, where the pastor's wife is expected to embody the “ideal” biblical woman, Black church traditions emphasize authenticity and community support. The Legacy of Women in Church Leadership The medieval church had space for women in leadership, with figures like Mary Magdalene, Hildegard of Bingen, and Catherine of Siena preaching and holding authority. Beth challenges listeners to revisit Romans 16, where women are commended as apostles, deacons, and house church leaders, proving that women's leadership has always been part of God's design. The Rise of Complementarian Theology and Its Harm Complementarian theology, which ties women's worth to their husband's ministry, rose in the 20th century as a reaction to women gaining autonomy in society. This theology pressures women to prioritize their husband's needs over their own, often leading to emotional and spiritual harm. It also isolates pastor's wives, making it difficult for them to find support or speak out against abuse. The Burden of Perfection and the Danger of Silence Pastor's wives—and women in ministry—often feel pressured to maintain an image of perfection, from their appearance to their children's behavior. This isolation becomes dangerous when they are in abusive marriages, as speaking out can cost them everything. Leslie and Beth discuss the importance of breaking the silence, seeking support, and prioritizing safety over the preservation of harmful institutions. Becoming God-Centered, Not Husband-Centered Women are often taught to center their lives on their husbands, but true freedom comes from being God-centered. Leslie and Beth encourage listeners to seek God's voice and ask, “What are you calling me to do?” Each woman is uniquely gifted and called for a purpose beyond cultural expectations.

Episode Title: The Courage to Walk Away: Leah's Story of Love, Loss, and Finding Strength Introduction Have you ever found yourself questioning everything you thought you knew about love, trust, and commitment? What if the dream you've been waiting for suddenly didn't feel right? In today's episode, Julie Sedenko sits down with Leah, a woman who was weeks away from getting married when she made the gut-wrenching decision to call off her wedding. Leah's story is different from our usual guests—she's never been married—but her journey of faith, resilience, and self-discovery will challenge the way you think about relationships, red flags, and the courage to choose what's right over what's expected. If you've ever felt the pressure of time, culture, or expectations pushing you toward a decision that doesn't sit well in your spirit, this episode is for you. Leah shares how she navigated an unexpected betrayal, deep grief, and the healing she found through Leslie Vernick's coaching programs. You won't want to miss the wisdom and strength that radiates from her testimony. Key Takeaways: 1. When Love Doesn't Feel Safe Leah shares how she initially felt deeply connected to her fiancé—he was kind, communicative, and a gentleman. But things changed when they reunited after a period of long-distance. His sudden shift in behavior—being overly aggressive physically and dismissive of her boundaries—set off warning bells. While he never crossed certain lines, Leah realized his actions felt more objectifying than affectionate. This raised the question: Was he really honoring her, or was he testing how much he could get away with? 2. The Danger of Assumed Agreement Cross-cultural relationships come with unique challenges, but Leah had spent years preparing for this. She believed they had aligned on key values—faith, purity, finances, and family. However, as marriage became imminent, she discovered he had merely tolerated her views rather than sharing them. His ultimate admission? “I thought you would change your mind.” Leah's story is a powerful reminder that assumptions are not agreements, and time does not equal trustworthiness. 3. The Devastating Reality of Calling Off a Wedding Leah's decision to walk away wasn't just about losing a relationship—it meant leaving her home, career, and the future she had envisioned. She grieved not only the man she loved but the life she had built. At almost 40, she also faced the reality that by the time she found another relationship, her window for having biological children might be closed. The depth of this loss was overwhelming, and she cried nearly every day for two years. But in the midst of her pain, she discovered a deeper truth: sometimes, walking away is the bravest thing you can do. 4. Finding Strength Through Core Principles As Leah sought healing, she discovered Leslie Vernick's coaching programs, including Moving Beyond People Pleasing and Walking in Core Strength. These programs provided her with validation, support, and a framework to navigate relationships in a healthier way. Two key lessons stood out: Courageously Committed to the Truth: Holding onto truth and boundaries is not harsh—it's healthy. Jesus embodied grace and truth, and so should we. Empathy Without Enabling: You can love someone deeply while still holding firm boundaries. Someone being upset with you does not make you a bad person. 5. Redefining the Finish Line Many women are raised to believe marriage is the ultimate goal, but Leah has come to see things differently. While she still desires a healthy marriage, she no longer sees it as a measure of her worth. “I know who I am, whether or not I'm married,” she says. “And I will be the same person if I ever do get married as I am right now.” Final Encouragement If you're facing a difficult relationship decision, remember this: Yellow lights don't turn green, they turn red. Ignoring the warning signs won't make them go away. Leah's story is proof that choosing integrity over convenience may be painful, but it leads to true freedom. You are not alone, and you are stronger than you think.

Resources Register for Leslie's Webinar, February 13: "I'm Not Okay When You're Not Okay" Think you might be in a destructive marriage? Get Leslie's Quick Start Guide here.  Do you feel like the weight of every decision in your marriage or family is on your shoulders? Are you struggling with a spouse who refuses to engage or, worse, actively makes things harder? If decision-making feels overwhelming and you're stuck in fear of making the wrong choice, this episode is for you. Leslie Vernick shares insights on overcoming decision paralysis, handling an unengaged spouse, and finding clarity even when the path forward is uncertain. Key Takeaways 1. You Don't Have to Make the Perfect Decision Many people stay stuck in indecision because they fear making the wrong choice. But the truth is, no one has perfect information all the time. Even a wrong decision can provide valuable insight, allowing you to adjust and move forward. Instead of viewing decisions as permanent, think of them as opportunities to learn and course-correct along the way. 2. Indecision Is Still a Decision Choosing not to decide is, in itself, a decision—with its own consequences. If you're paralyzed by fear or waiting for your spouse to take action, recognize that staying in limbo is creating an outcome, too. Instead of waiting for someone else to change, take responsibility for what you can control and move forward with wisdom. 3. How to Handle a Spouse Who Won't Participate in Decision-Making If your spouse is disengaged, you have choices in how you respond: with resentment, with curiosity, or with acceptance. Ask yourself: Is he afraid of making mistakes? Has he been criticized in the past? Does he struggle with change? By approaching the situation with understanding rather than frustration, you can free yourself from bitterness and take action where necessary. 4. Understanding Fear and Avoidance in Decision-Making Fear can be paralyzing, especially for someone who has been conditioned to avoid risk. Some people resist making decisions due to past trauma, upbringing, or personality differences. For example, if your spouse grew up in an environment where mistakes were punished harshly, he may struggle to take initiative. Recognizing this can help you approach the situation with grace rather than resentment. 5. When You're Not Allowed to Make Decisions What if you're on the opposite end of the spectrum—where your spouse makes all the decisions, even when they are harmful? If his leadership is damaging your family financially, emotionally, or spiritually, you may need to establish firm boundaries. Seeking wise counsel, setting limits, and refusing to enable destructive choices are crucial steps in reclaiming your voice and protecting your well-being. 6. The Power of Boundaries and Choice Having boundaries helps you exercise your power of choice. This is what I will do. This is what I won't do. This is what I can do. This is what I can't do. But setting boundaries also means learning to live with others' disappointment and resentment. Whether it's your children, spouse, or extended family, making decisions that are good for you—and ultimately for them—often comes with resistance. Accepting this reality allows you to move forward with confidence rather than guilt. 7. Living from Your Noble Self Instead of Your Emotions Acting out of your noble self means making decisions that align with who you are in Christ, rather than being driven by fear, resentment, or a need for approval. It's about showing up in your life with strength and dignity, just like the Proverbs 31 woman. You don't need to apologize for being wise, decisive, or courageous. God designed you to make choices, and embracing this responsibility is part of spiritual maturity. 8. You Always Have Choices Even in the hardest circumstances, you still have choices. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote that everything can be taken from a person except one thing: the ability to choose how they will respond. If you feel trapped in your marriage, your job, or another painful situation, start by asking: How do I want to be in this moment? What small steps can I take toward change? Recognizing your power to choose—even in small ways—can be incredibly freeing. 9. Trusting God in the Decision-Making Process God doesn't expect you to make perfect decisions, but He does call you to trust Him and take action. The Bible says, “You will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it'” (Isaiah 30:21). As you seek wisdom, make the best choice you can, and be open to self-correction when necessary.  

Resources Register here for Leslie's free workshop, "I'm Not Okay When You're Not Okay" Leslie's Quick Start Guide Introduction Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship that looked perfect on the outside but was suffocating behind closed doors? In this episode, Michelle shares her courageous journey from hiding abuse within the walls of the church to stepping into freedom, healing, and a mission to help other women recognize when difficult crosses into destructive. If you've ever questioned whether your struggles in marriage were just normal hardships or something more harmful, Michelle's story will provide clarity, validation, and hope. Key Takeaways 1. Recognizing Red Flags in Christian Courtship Michelle reflects on the early warning signs she overlooked during dating. While her relationship seemed like a picture-perfect Christian courtship, subtle yet significant issues surfaced: boundary-pushing, controlling tendencies, and an inability to respect her differing opinions. If a man says one thing but does another—especially when it comes to physical boundaries—that's a serious character concern. A man's integrity matters more than his words. 2. When Submission Becomes Oppression Michelle shares how scripture was twisted in her marriage, particularly regarding intimacy. Instead of mutual love and respect, biblical teachings were weaponized to demand compliance. She felt like an object rather than a cherished wife. This distortion of faith kept her stuck, believing she had to endure rather than address the toxic dynamic. 3. The Loneliness of an Unseen Battle Perhaps one of the most heartbreaking moments Michelle describes is standing alone in the kitchen late at night, feeling used and unseen, while her husband slept peacefully. She cried out to God, struggling to reconcile her suffering with the belief that divorce was not an option. Her prayers shifted over time—from asking ‘How long, O Lord?' to pleading for rescue. 4. When Christian Marriage Advice Keeps You Trapped Books like Love and Respect made Michelle believe that if she just respected her husband enough, things would change. But no amount of respect can fix a heart unwilling to change. In a healthy marriage, both partners seek growth, repentance, and mutual love. The problem isn't just about how a wife behaves—it's about whether both people are truly honoring God in their marriage. 5. Isolation and Control: A Subtle Form of Abuse Michelle's husband worked to isolate her from friends by criticizing their parenting or questioning their submission. She initially believed his concerns, but over time, she realized it was a tactic to keep her dependent. Meanwhile, he maintained his own friendships, often mentoring men and encouraging their wives to submit, reinforcing harmful dynamics. 6. The Breaking Point: When Abuse Turns Physical Michelle recounts the night her husband physically removed her from their car and abandoned her miles from home. Despite years of emotional and spiritual abuse, this moment shattered her sense of security. Yet, even then, she felt trapped, unsure of where to go or whom to tell. The shame of staying weighed on her, but she also feared the unknown. 7. A Divine Wake-Up Call In 2023, Michelle experienced a powerful moment with God—a dream, a whispered name, and a podcast episode that spoke directly to her situation. This was her turning point. She finally recognized that her marriage wasn't just difficult; it was destructive. With courage, she sought help, setting boundaries and eventually moving out when it became clear her husband was unwilling to change. 8. Finding Strength and Support in Conquer As Michelle searched for answers, she discovered Leslie Vernick through a podcast with Lysa Terkeurst. She dove deep into Leslie's teachings, and after joining the Conquer group, found the validation and strength she needed to break free. With guidance from a Christian counselor and the support of Conquer, Michelle gained the confidence to make empowered decisions for herself and her children. 9. Understanding True Repentance A key revelation for Michelle came from a conversation between Leslie Vernick and Chris Moles. She learned that true repentance isn't just words—it's a heart transformation. A truly repentant man focuses not on regaining control of his wife but on her healing and well-being. This realization helped Michelle recognize that her husband's apologies lacked genuine accountability and change. 10. A New Future: Education and Independence Despite opposition from her husband, Michelle pursued a master's degree, taking one class per semester since 2020. Now, as she approaches graduation in classical studies, she is excited about her future in education, curriculum development, and potentially women's ministry. Her newfound independence is a testament to her resilience and faith. A Call to Freedom If Michelle's story resonates with you, you are not alone. Abuse—whether emotional, spiritual, or physical—is not God's design for marriage. You do not have to stay stuck. There is hope, there is help, and there is a way forward. For more support, visit Leslie Vernick & Co. and explore resources to help you discern truth, find your voice, and take courageous steps toward healing. Closing Encouragement You are precious in God's eyes. He sees your pain, and He does not call you to endure suffering in silence. If you are struggling in a destructive marriage, reach out for help. Healing, freedom, and a life of true peace are possible. You don't have to walk this path alone—God is with you, and so is this community of women who have found strength to step into the light. Stay strong, stay hopeful, and take the next step toward your healing journey today.

RESOURCES Leslie's Quick Start Guide Brad Hambrick's Blog: Why Is It So Hard to Have Constructive Conversations About Abuse? Church Cares American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) Equip Show Notes: Why Churches Resist Abuse Ministry Introduction Have you ever wondered why churches sometimes hesitate or even resist addressing abuse within their congregations? In today's episode, Leslie Vernick unpacks this difficult but vital question. She shares her years of experience working with churches and individuals to create safer spaces for those harmed by abuse. Whether you've felt dismissed by your church, or you're striving to bring change, this conversation offers clarity, hope, and practical steps forward. Together, we'll explore why this resistance exists, what's changing, and how we can be part of the solution. Key Takeaways 1. The History of Church Resistance to Abuse Ministry In the past, many churches believed abuse wasn't a problem among Christians, leading to unsafe environments for children and vulnerable members. Change was driven largely by legal and financial accountability rather than a proactive desire for safety. Churches must recognize the reality of abuse and embrace preventative measures as part of their mission to love and protect their people. 2. The Misconceptions That Fuel Resistance Many church leaders empathize more with the fear of false accusations than with victims' lived experiences, despite false reports being rare. Misunderstandings about what constitutes abuse—such as emotional or sexual abuse within marriage—prevent churches from addressing it effectively. 3. The Role of Leadership in Healthy Relationships Biblical headship is about servant leadership, not power or control. Healthy leaders use their influence to empower and uplift others, reflecting Christ's example. Submission, as taught in Scripture, is a voluntary act rooted in mutual love and respect—not coercion or oppression. 4. Why Individual Healing Must Precede Marriage Work Starting with marriage counseling in abusive situations often leads to failure. Individual healing for both parties is essential before addressing the relationship. Churches can support this process by encouraging personal growth and connecting individuals with appropriate resources. 5. Resources to Equip Churches for Better Ministry Free tools like the Church Cares Curriculum provide essential training for addressing abuse. Leslie's EQUIP group offers ongoing support and education for pastors, counselors, and leaders seeking to handle abuse well. A Personal Invitation If you're a church leader, counselor, or someone who wants to advocate for healthier, safer relationships in your community, take the next step. Visit LeslieVernick.com to learn more about EQUIP and access resources designed to empower leaders and protect the vulnerable. Change is possible when we open our hearts to God's guidance and truly listen to the pain of those around us. If you've been hurt by the church or feel overwhelmed as a leader, know that God sees you and desires healing and growth. Listen to the full episode now and share it with your pastor or church leader! Together, we can foster safer, healthier communities.

Hear this raw conversation with Julie Sedenko and Jessica about recognizing and escaping covert abuse in her Christian marriage RESOURCES Leslie Vernick's website Leslie's Quick Start Guide The Relationship Timeline Love bombing during dating phase Emotional regulation issues during engagement Marriage lasted 2 years Ended with 6-week separation Red Flags & Patterns Husband proud of his "manipulation talent" Consistent gaslighting and emotional control Sexual addiction disclosed pre-wedding Financial dependence despite her being primary breadwinner Isolation from family and friends Turning Points The wedding incident revealing deeper issues Writing "the letter" that sparked change Breaking point during Bible study Understanding God's word "faithful" in new light Finding Help Leslie Vernick's teachings CORE program principles Conquer program Church community support

Resources: Elyse Fitzpatrick's website Elyse's Books Leslie's Website Leslie's Quick Start Guide In this episode, Leslie Vernick talks with Elyse Fitzpatrick the author of over 25 books on Christian living. Elyse holds a master's degree in biblical counseling from Trinity Theological Seminary and is a popular conference speaker and grandmother to six. Discussing 'Worthy: Celebrating the Value of Women': Overview of Elyse's book 'Worthy.' The book celebrates the value of women in the church and society. The inspiration behind writing 'Worthy.' Writing and Reception: Elyse's experiences around 2019-2020 that led to writing the book. Conversation with Paul Tripp and reading a blog post by Eric Shoemaker. The unexpected pushback received from various groups, including church leaders. Handling Pushback: The surprising amount of resistance to the book's message. Criticisms, including the apparent lack of focus on traditional gender roles. Shock and discouragement faced, even being disinvited from conferences and losing publishing contracts. The Biblical Value of Women: Discussion on the value of women as depicted in the Bible. Examples such as Hagar and the significance of her story in Genesis. Cultural and Church Challenges: Examination of the church's fear of women having power. The issue of power dynamics and the misuse of spiritual teachings to control. Lessons from the Bible: Biblical accounts demonstrating God's use and valuing of women. Stories of women like Eve, Hagar, and Mary of Bethany. Women as Co-laborers in Faith: The importance of recognizing women as equal contributors to the faith. Challenges women face in being seen as more than just traditional roles. Jesus' Treatment of Women: Examples from the New Testament showing Jesus' respect and care for women. Stories of Jesus protecting and valuing women. Resistance and Reconciliation: Different responses to sin and accountability between David and Saul. Importance of genuine repentance and the recognition of women's value in the community.

In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Julie Sidenko and relationship expert Leslie Vernick tackle the tough topic of reconciliation. If you've ever wondered when or if you should reconcile in a relationship, this episode is for you. They discuss everything from the reasons why someone might separate to how to know if it's really the right time to come back together. Why Separate? Leslie talks about the big reasons people choose to separate—from safety concerns to ongoing negative behavior and its impact. Separation as a Wake-Up Call Separation can sometimes be a wake-up call. How do you know if it's working? Spotting Real Change It's not just about saying sorry. How do you know your partner has really changed and is ready to reconcile? Legal Stuff You Need to Know Separation isn't just emotional—there are legal aspects to consider. Make sure you're protected. Grace and Boundaries How do you balance giving grace with setting boundaries? We discuss what you can tolerate and what's a deal-breaker. When It's Just Not Going to Work Sometimes, reconciliation isn't possible. Leslie explains when you should consider calling it quits.

This episode, recorded last Christmas, is a reminder that you can find peace in God's presence this Christmas... even if you're dealing with a destructive relationship.  In this episode, Leslie & Julie share memories of Christmas debacles and difficulties as well as very practical tips for being your best self during the holidays.  Rest assured, friend, there is HOPE! He was born and He is risen. Merry Christmas!!

Importance of Mindset Discusses the critical role of mindset in making real changes. Leslie explains the difference between breakdown and breakthrough mindsets. Uses biblical examples like Esther and Joseph to illustrate points. Breakdown Mindset Leslie describes what a breakdown mindset is. Explains its effects using stories of people stuck in victim mentality. Denial of Reality Leslie explains how people deny reality to avoid suffering. Shares examples of false spirituality and its impact on lives. Personal Story of Grief Julie shares a personal story about her sister's tragic death and subsequent family losses. Discusses the weight of grief and the common but unhelpful reactions from others. Steps to Breakthrough Mindset Leslie talks about distinguishing between healthy grieving and a breakdown. Emphasizes finding meaning in suffering. Shares the importance of perspective and purpose in tragedy. Breakthrough Mindset Leslie explains what a breakthrough mindset looks like. Provides personal and real-world examples of people converting loss into meaningful actions. Practical Techniques Leslie provides practical steps and mindset shifts. Includes tracking thoughts and noticing the stories we tell ourselves. Importance of Self-Growth Stresses the importance of self-growth and taking responsibility for one's mindset. Mentions the Empowered to Change group as a resource for developing a noble self. Empowered to Change Details about the Empowered to Change group: Its role in personal growth. How it helps women navigate difficult times by focusing on individual growth and mindset shifts. Prayer and Encouragement Leslie ends with a prayer for women in a breakdown mindset.    

Resources: Empowered to Change: www.leslievernick.com/empowered Darby Strickland https://www.darbystrickland.com/  In this heart-wrenching and inspirational episode, Mary shares her powerful story of overcoming decades of abuse. From her tumultuous marriages to finding the strength to rebuild her life, listeners will be moved and motivated to find resilience in their own struggles. Mary's Background Insights into Mary's early life and personal history. Brief mention of her age and pride in overcoming challenges. First Marriage The emotional and psychological abuse Mary experienced. Efforts to maintain a normal home and protect her children. Her husband's eventual abandonment. Second Marriage Initial optimism and eventual realization of failure. The additional challenges and learning experiences. Discovering Leslie's Materials How Mary found and began engaging with Leslie's resources. The impact of biblical evidence and therapy on her decisions. Applying Knowledge and Therapy Practical steps Mary took to apply Leslie's teachings. Collaboration with her PTSD therapist to understand and confront abuse. Personal Achievements and Growth Overcoming past abuses and achieving significant personal milestones. Her educational pursuits and the establishment of a discipleship group. Aspirations to start an autism center. Balancing Commitments Struggles and strategies for maintaining a balanced life. Learning to prioritize and manage commitments without overextending. The Role of Counseling The necessity and importance of having a supportive counselor. Perseverance in finding the right match for counseling. Practical advice for those experiencing abuse and seeking help. Final Thoughts Encouragement for listeners to seek help and realize their value. Empowering message to those feeling defeated by ongoing abuse.

RESOURCES: Register Here for Leslie's Free Workshop on December 5th! Honey Lake Clinic Leslie's Quick Start Guide In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Leslie Vernick chats with Dr. Karl Benzio about integrating faith and psychiatric science for healing and better decision-making. Dr. Benzio, from Honey Lake Clinic, shares his journey and practical tools like the SPEARS model to help improve mental health and relationships. Don't miss this insightful conversation! Personal Story Karl's journey of struggle and redemption Early Influences Childhood challenges and the impact of faith Faith and Psychiatry Integrating science and faith for healing Practical Advice for Decision-Making Empowering godly decisions in tough relationships SPEARS Decision Making Overview of the SPEARS decision-making model Role of Relationships and Maintenance Importance of daily psychological and spiritual upkeep

RESOURCES Register for Leslie's Free Workshop December 5th! www.leslievernick.com/story  Leslie's Quick Start Guide www.leslievernick.com/start   In this episode, Julie Sedenko sits down with Alyson Zurek, who opens up about her tumultuous life marked by three marriages, a traumatic brain injury, and childhood trauma. From early instability and maternal abandonment to overcoming abusive relationships and exploring emotional recovery, Alyson shares her story of resilience and healing. She discusses how finding faith and joining supportive communities like Conquer helped her reclaim her life and peace of mind. The conversation serves as a powerful testament to the strength of the human spirit and offers hope for those in similar struggles.

Resources Leslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start  Chris Moles' Website & Resources: https://www.chrismoles.org/  Theology of Suffering and Authority Discussion on imbalance of theology related to suffering and authority Magnification of male headship and sacrifice over safety and protection of the oppressed Lack of focus on misuse and cautions of authority Abuse of Authority and Accountability Constituted and delegated authority in the church Power comes with responsibility and accountability The church's duty to hold authority figures accountable for misuse Jesus' Teachings on Leadership Jesus' warnings against the misuse of authority Connection to domestic abuse involving various forms of power and control The church's slow response to addressing these abuses Restoration and Consequences of Sin Biblical references to power under versus power over The role of accountability and honesty in theological commitments Expectation of servant leadership and its importance Hope for Marriages Affected by Domestic Abuse Finding hope and change through the gospel The focus on individual safety and sanity over marital restoration Importance of setting boundaries and personal growth for both partners Domestic Abuse: Definitions and Dynamics Misuse of power and patterns of coercive behavior The importance of recognizing power dynamics in abuse Differentiating between isolated acts and ongoing patterns of control Can Women Be Abusive? Acknowledgment of women's potential for abusive behavior Differences in power dynamics and impact between men and women Examples of women abusing power in certain contexts Nonviolent Resistance and Personal Agency Encouraging nonviolent forms of resistance The significance of maintaining dignity and agency Practical advice on resisting control without escalating violence

RESOURCES: Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-GET-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) Leslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start The Hidden Depths of Addiction Discovery of her husband's addiction Struggles with expectations of respect and family values, especially within the church setting Facing Anger and Abuse Anger and threats escalate Irrational anger Psychological and physical toll of the marriage The Impact on Children Tansil's fear and realization of the impact on her children Protective actions taken to shield her children from the abuse Recognizing Red Flags Reflection on early warning signs before and soon after marriage Importance of identifying and not ignoring red flags in relationships The Turning Point: Seeking Safety Seeing the truth Initial steps towards seeking help and legal separation Legal Separation and Its Aftermath Hiring an attorney and filing for legal separation Emotional and practical challenges of separating from an abusive spouse Experiences with victim services and legal protection Support Systems and Conquer Community Participation in Conquer and the support gained from the community Key lessons and validations received from fellow survivors Importance of staying anchored in reality and implementing safety plans The Role of Faith and Church Challenges with pastoral support and their often inadequate response to abuse Importance of faith and prayer in Tansil's journey Positive and negative experiences with church leadership Final Thoughts and Advice Encouragement to listeners to trust their gut instincts and prioritize safety Advice on not dismissing red flags and recognizing one's own worth Final reflections and call to action for women in similar situations to seek help and support

RESOURCES Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start  Pattern Questions to Ask: When was the first time ... When was the last time...  What is a typical time? What's the worst time? Summary: In this episode, Julie Sedenko and relationship expert Leslie Vernick discuss how to recognize and address destructive relationships. Leslie highlights five key signs of a destructive relationship and offers advice on navigating these challenging situations. Identifying Red Flags in Marriage Explanation of common red flags that may indicate a relationship is becoming destructive. Recognizing Patterns of Destructive Behavior Importance of identifying repeat patterns in behavior that are harmful. Differentiation between occasional mistakes and ongoing destructive patterns. Sign One: Feeling Controlled Indicators of control and manipulation in a relationship. Psychological and emotional impact of being controlled. Sign Two: Feeling Afraid Understanding fear in non-physically abusive relationships. Common fears and their effects on the dynamics of a relationship. Sign Three: Feeling Confused The role of gaslighting in causing confusion. Strategies for regaining clarity and validating one's own reality. Sign Four: Feeling Objectified Recognizing when one is being treated as an object rather than a partner. The emotional toll of objectification. Sign Five: Deception Impact of chronic deception on trust and safety in a relationship. Recognizing the signs of deceit and its consequences. Navigating Deceptive and Manipulative Behavior Dealing with duplicity and manipulation in relationships. Strategies for protecting oneself and maintaining sanity. Taking Control of Your Happiness Personal anecdotes and empowerment stories. Importance of self-celebration and taking charge of one's own well-being. Recognizing Destructive Patterns and Seeking Safety Identifying patterns and understanding their frequency and intensity. Assessing personal boundaries and safety measures.

In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Dr. Stephanie Holmes, an autism researcher, life coach, and ordained minister, joins us to discuss the unique dynamics of neurodiverse marriages. Dr. Holmes brings her vast expertise and personal experience in navigating the challenges that couples face when one partner is on the autism spectrum. The conversation emphasizes understanding neurodiversity, the impact of late diagnoses on marriages, recognizing red flags, and practical advice for women feeling unheard or unloved in such relationships. Listeners will gain valuable insights into self-care, boundary-setting, and finding supportive communities within a Christian context. Key Takeaways Understanding Neurodiversity Explanation of neurodiverse and neurotypical terms. Importance of recognizing different neurological wiring and its impact on relationships. Impact of Late Diagnosis Effects of late autism spectrum diagnoses on marital relationships. Historical context of autism diagnosis and its implications. Recognizing Red Flags Identifying signs that a partner might be on the autism spectrum. Need for reassessment for individuals diagnosed with ADHD before 2013. Challenges in Neurodiverse Marriages Common struggles such as lack of emotional connection and communication issues. Necessity for both partners to learn and adapt to each other's needs. Trauma and Neurodiverse Relationships Understanding Trauma A (absence of good things) and Trauma B (presence of bad things) in neurodiverse marriages. Impact of trauma on the neurotypical spouse and importance of addressing these issues. Counseling and Coaching Benefits of coaching over traditional counseling for neurodiverse couples. Importance of individual therapy and trauma work before starting couples work. Personal and Spiritual Growth Encouraging women to set boundaries and seek self-care. Finding identity and community support outside of the marriage. Final Advice Practical tips for women feeling unheard or unloved in their relationships. Recognizing and addressing the impact of a spouse's behavior on their well-being.

RESOURCES Leslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start  In this episode Julie Sedenko talks to Raquel about her personal journey and insights into toxic marriages, emotional abuse, and healing. You will learn, from Raquel's experiences, about the importance of establishing boundaries, tips for healing after emotional abuse, and key lessons from her marriage. This empowering podcast provides valuable resources and encouragement for those navigating their own relationship challenges. Raquel's Marriage Rachel discusses the truth behind her marriage experiences Emotional Abuse Unmasked Revealing the signs and effects of emotional abuse Raquel on Toxic Marriages Insights on what makes a marriage toxic Marriage Boundaries Raquel's story on setting and maintaining boundaries Healing After Emotional Abuse Steps and stories of healing post-abuse Raquel's Marriage Lessons Key lessons learned from her own marriage Escaping Toxic Relationships Strategies and advice for leaving toxic situations Raquel's Guide to Boundaries Comprehensive guide to establishing and enforcing boundaries Toxic Marriage Insights Additional insights on toxic relationships Raquel's Truth on Marriage Final thoughts and personal truths about marriage

Honesty and Vulnerability in Friendships: Initiating tough conversations about unmet needs is essential to gauge respect and mutual support. Small “no” statements reveal whether a friend respects boundaries or tends toward manipulation or guilt-tripping. Guarding Your Heart: Proverbs 4:23 emphasizes guarding your heart to prevent dependency on others for validation. By making God the source of well-being, friendships become supportive without becoming the foundation of one's self-worth. Understanding Friendships vs. Ministry Relationships: Distinguishing between friendships, which are mutual and reciprocal, and ministry relationships, where giving is without expectation. True friendships require both give-and-take, unlike ministry relationships, which may be one-sided. Establishing Healthy Boundaries: Recognizing personal limits, such as the story of the “laundry lesson,” where a lack of boundaries led to silent resentment. Knowing when to express needs and limitations to avoid burnout and passive-aggressive responses. When Friendships Need to End: Natural fading of friendships versus ending them with intentional conversations if there's been a breach of trust. Practicing clarity: If a friendship no longer aligns with your life stage or values, addressing this honestly can prevent miscommunication.

In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Leslie Vernick interviews Michelle Hord, a former producer of Good Morning America. Michelle shares her heartbreaking yet inspiring story of losing her daughter Gabrielle at the hands of her soon-to-be ex-husband and her journey of resilience and faith thereafter.   The Tragic Event Description of the tragic event involving Michelle's daughter, Gabrielle. Emotional and psychological impact on Michelle and her family. Life Before the Tragedy Insights into Michelle's marriage and reasons for the divorce. Discussion about emotional abuse and its impact. Gabrielle's Personality Michelle's memories of Gabrielle. Gabrielle's character and memorable traits. The Night of the Tragedy Details of the night Gabrielle's life was taken. Michelle's immediate reactions and actions following the event. Immediate Aftermath Steps Michelle took following the tragedy. The support system that helped her through the initial shock. Regaining Power and Faith Michelle's journey to regain her power and sense of self. Her process of rebuilding faith and resilience. Book Discussion: The Other Side of Yet Introduction of Michelle's book. Explanation of the book's title and central themes. Defiant Faith Discussion on the concept of defiant faith. How Michelle has embraced defiance against evil and adversity. Support Systems Importance of having a strong support system during crises. Examples of how Michelle's friends supported her through difficult times. Gabrielle's Wings Foundation Overview of the Gabrielle's Wings Foundation. The mission and activities of the foundation to honor Gabrielle's legacy. Conclusion and Prayer Closing thoughts from Leslie and Michelle. Prayer for listeners facing their own battles with evil and hardship. Additional Details: Links and Resources: Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Gabrielle's Wings Foundation Website Purchase Michelle Hord's Book  Michelle Hord's Website Leslie Vernick's Free Quick Start Guide Social Media Contacts: Follow Leslie Vernick on Instagram and Facebook Follow Gabrielle's Wings on Instagram and Facebook `

RESOURCES: JOIN CONQUER! Open through October 4, 2024 Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-2433   In this powerful episode, Julie Sedenko speaks with Rose, a member of the Conquer support group, about her 20-year marriage filled with manipulation and abuse. Rose candidly shares the early warning signs she ignored, her experiences of escalating hostility and covert manipulation, and the profound trauma she endured during pregnancy and beyond. She recounts the turning points, including realizing the extent of the abuse, the challenges of seeking help, and her difficult journey towards divorce and custody battles. Through support from the Conquer group and personal resilience, Rose found strength and hope, ultimately transforming her life. This heartfelt conversation underscores the importance of recognizing abuse, the impact of community support, and the empowering journey of personal growth. Early Signs of Abuse Rose discusses the red flags and warning signs that emerged before marriage. Experiencing Hostility Description of the increased hostility and aggression from her husband during pregnancy. Trauma During Pregnancy The impact of severe emotional and verbal abuse during Rose's pregnancy. The Realization of Abuse Rose's journey to understanding that she was experiencing abuse, including insights from her mother. Manipulation Tactics Detailed examples of how Rose's husband employed manipulation and control, such as blocking exits and monitoring her whereabouts. Path to Divorce The crucial moment when Rose calls the police and begins her battle for divorce. Custody Battles Ongoing struggles with custody and how Rose hopes for a future free from her husband's control.  

RESOURCES: REGISTER HERE for Leslie's FREE Workshop, If He Doesn't Hit Me, Is it Still Abuse? God Cares. September 24th, 2024, 12pm & 7:30pm Eastern JOIN CONQUER!! September 24 - October 4th In this episode, Betty shares her journey through CONQUER, a program that played a pivotal role in her life, first as a married woman and later after her divorce. She discusses how she rediscovered her core values, tackled people-pleasing habits, and found invaluable community support. Her story is a testament to personal growth and resilience, offering hope and a heartfelt prayer for those facing tough times. Twice the Impact: Betty took CONQUER courses twice—first married, then divorced in December 2016. She reflects on how this dual experience shaped her perspective and growth. Discovering Authenticity: Betty's journey to rediscover her core values. Insightful question: "Who did God make you to be?" Moving Beyond People Pleasing: Role plays and self-awareness exercises in CONQUER helped her recognize and overcome patterns of people-pleasing. Community and Support: Importance of community in Betty's healing journey. Deep connections and friendships formed through CONQUER. Transformation and Growth: Betty's evolution spiritually and emotionally. Living authentically and secure in identity and faith. Gratitude and Mentorship: Betty's shares her appreciation for Leslie Vernick's mentorship and teaching. Impactful moments of support and guidance. Finding Meaning in Difficult Times: Drawing from Isaiah 45:3—finding treasures in darkness. Recognizing God's presence and provision in challenging times. Encouragement for Listeners: Words of encouragement for those in similar journeys. Embrace inner work, community support, and spiritual growth. Closing Thoughts and Prayer: Betty's closing reflections on her journey. Heartfelt prayer for listeners in difficult circumstances.  

RESOURCES: Register Here for Leslie's Free Workshop Are You in a Destructive Marriage Test/Quick Start Guide Pam's Journey: Reflects on her marriage of over two decades overshadowed by manipulation and deceit. Discovering her husband's hidden behaviors: excessive gambling, pornography use, and financial mismanagement. The emotional toll of deception and cycles of hope and disappointment. The turning point: uncovering infidelity and confronting the reality of emotional abuse. Navigating Healing and Transformation: Coping with legal and financial challenges amidst ongoing deceit and manipulation. Finding solace in resources like Leslie Vernick's teachings and support groups. Recognizing and addressing emotional abuse: setting boundaries and focusing on personal healing. Spiritual growth and redefining beliefs about marriage and submission. Reflections and Moving Forward: Challenges and victories in navigating divorce and rebuilding self-worth. The role of support systems: friends, family, and therapeutic interventions. Embracing opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment beyond the confines of marriage. Insights into reclaiming identity and finding empowerment in life after abuse.

 Near-Death Experience Julie Bonn Blank shares her profound spiritual experience after a near-death allergic reaction Impact on her faith journey and ministry Understanding Coercive Control Definition and examples of coercive control in relationships Its role in perpetuating abuse dynamics Highlighting ARMS Programs Overview of "Her Journey" program for survivors of domestic violence Explanation of "Mankind and Virtue" program for abusers Challenges in Church Responses Discussion on how churches address abuse within their congregations Importance of supportive and accountable church environments Personal Reflections on Healing and Relationships Julie's insights on building healthy relationships after abuse Differences and learnings from past experiences

Resources: Leslie's Quick Start Guide "She Deserves Better" by Sheila Gregoire "The Great Sex Rescue" by Sheila Gregoire Questions answered in this episode Can Women Offer Affection Without It Being Interpreted as a Sexual Invitation? Women may hesitate to show physical affection due to fear of it being seen as an invitation for sex. It's important to communicate intentions clearly when offering hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection. An effective way to set boundaries: “I love being close to you, but I don't always want it to lead to sex.” Men should understand that affectionate gestures are not always signals for sex; ongoing dialogue is key. Is It Wrong for a Woman to Fake Orgasms? Faking orgasms can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship. Honest communication about sexual desires and experiences is essential. If a woman is not in the mood for orgasm, she should express this openly: “I want to be close to you but don't expect me to reach orgasm.” Focus on connection and mutual pleasure rather than performance. Are There Biblical Boundaries for Sexual Practices? Certain practices, such as extramarital sex and harmful activities, are considered off-limits. Biblical teachings emphasize respect, mutual consent, and preserving the sanctity of sexual relationships. Open dialogue about preferences and boundaries helps maintain a healthy relationship. What About Covert Forms of Marital Rape and Coercion? Covert marital rape can involve emotional or spiritual coercion, where consent is not freely given. True consent involves the ability to express desires and boundaries without fear of negative consequences. If coerced into compliance, seek professional help and support to address these issues. Is Masturbation a Concern in a Marriage? There is disagreement in the church on this topic.  Masturbation can be a natural part of sexuality and may not necessarily indicate problems in a relationship.  It's important to discuss personal needs and expectations about masturbation within the context of the marriage. Addressing how masturbation affects the relationship openly and respectfully can lead to greater understanding and alignment. My Wife Never Liked Sex but She Married Me—What Should I Do? Feeling deceived when a partner's sexual preferences or desires differ from expectations can be challenging. It's important to address these concerns openly with your partner and seek to understand each other's needs and boundaries. Consider couples counseling to explore these issues in a safe, guided environment. Building a supportive relationship where both partners feel heard and valued is crucial, even if sexual desires do not align perfectly. How Should We Handle Long-Term Relationship Repair and Growth? Long-term relationships, like homes, require regular maintenance and repair. Addressing emotional, physical, or relational damage is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. Prioritize well-being and safety; if a partner's behavior consistently harms the relationship, consider seeking therapy or reevaluating the relationship. Final Thoughts Marriage and intimate relationships involve navigating various challenges and dynamics. Clear communication, mutual respect, and honest dialogue are essential for a fulfilling and healthy relationship. Seek support and resources to address issues and build a stronger partnership

RESOURCES: Leslie's Quick Start Guide Walking Away from Unhealthy Dynamics Lynne's decision to metaphorically "walk off the court" when facing marital challenges. Importance of recognizing when to stop playing a destructive game. Setting Boundaries and Maintaining Self Lynne's experience with setting boundaries post-separation. The significance of boundaries in self-preservation and emotional well-being. Recognition of Destructive Patterns Lynne's journey from questioning to validating the destructive nature of her marriage. Impact of validation on personal clarity and self-trust. Shift in Perspective and Faith Lynne's revelation about personal value and the impact of church teachings on marriage. Finding validation and clarity in her own journey. Learning and Growth Lynne's personal growth through learning from Leslie Vernick and other resources. Overcoming self-doubt and embracing new perspectives on relationships. Emotional Resilience and Transformation Lynne's emotional journey pre and post-discovery of core strength and emotional regulation. Techniques and tools for managing emotional responses and fostering resilience. Physical and Emotional Healing Lynne's experience with physical health challenges and their intersection with emotional well-being. Strategies for prioritizing self-care and healing during separation. Guarding Your Heart Practical advice on recognizing vulnerability and protecting emotional integrity. Lynne's personal insights on avoiding pitfalls and maintaining personal values. Conclusion Reflections on Lynne's journey and advice for women in similar situations. Encouragement to seek support, prioritize self-care, and embrace personal growth.

RESOURCES: Resources: Kobe's book: Why Am I Like This?: How to Break Cycles, Heal from Trauma, and Restore Your Faith Dwell Bible App  In this episode, Kobe explores the intersection of prayer, therapy, and setting boundaries in the journey of healing from relational wounds and trauma. Drawing from personal and professional experiences, Kobe shares insights and practical tools to empower listeners in their healing journey. Prayer as a Healing Practice: Importance of Prayer: Prayer serves as a foundational practice in connecting with God and seeking emotional and spiritual healing. Prayer in Daily Life: Kobe shares personal experiences where prayer has been pivotal in navigating challenges and finding peace amidst turmoil. Spiritual Insights and Healing: Learning from Elijah: Elijah's journey in 1 Kings 19, is where God provided resources for endurance rather than immediate escape from suffering. Price of Righteousness: Doing the right thing does not always lead to immediate positive outcomes, yet God provides strength and resources for those who persevere. Benefits of Therapy and Coaching: Perspective Beyond Pain: Therapy and coaching offer insights outside one's immediate suffering, essential for moving beyond trauma. Healing Responsibility: While not responsible for the initial wounds, individuals are accountable for their healing journey. Questioning for Growth: Asking oneself questions is pivotal for healing, acknowledging there are answers beyond current understanding. Setting Boundaries and Biblical Perspective: Importance of Boundaries: Setting boundaries is biblical and mirrors God's design for relationships, fostering mutual respect and safety. Misconceptions: Boundaries are not about punishment but safeguarding conditions for personal thriving and mutual respect. Breath Prayer for Healing: Kobe shares a breath prayer exercise as a contemplative practice, combining deep breathing with a prayerful connection to God's presence.  

RESOURCES: Leslie's Free Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/o Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE Leslie Vernick's book: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko and Leslie Vernick delve into the concept of "core strength" and its critical importance for women navigating destructive relationships. This episode is designed for any woman who feels she may be in a harmful relationship, offering practical insights on how to build and use core strength in everyday life, whether she chooses to stay or leave. Understanding Core Strength: Leslie shares her personal journey of realizing the importance of core strength, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. She introduces the concept with a metaphor of physical fitness, explaining how just as a strong core prevents physical collapse, emotional core strength prevents women from collapsing under the weight of a destructive relationship. Core Strength Components: Courageously Committed to Truth: Living in reality, not denial, and embracing the truth even when it's difficult. Open to the Holy Spirit and Wise Others: The importance of being teachable and surrounding oneself with wisdom rather than just strong opinions. Taking Responsibility: Understanding personal responsibility for one's safety, well-being, and character development without shifting blame. Empathy with Boundaries: Balancing compassion with the necessity of setting boundaries that protect against enabling destructive behavior. Practical Applications: Leslie and Julie explore practical scenarios where core strength is applied, including handling disagreements about finances, asserting one's needs, and setting boundaries with a controlling or abusive partner. They discuss the importance of detachment and how women can maintain their emotional and spiritual well-being despite external pressures from a difficult partner. Facing Reality and Fear: The episode addresses the fear of confronting harsh realities, like leaving an abusive situation or facing the consequences of setting boundaries. Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge fear but not let it dictate actions. Building a Safety Plan: The importance of having a safety plan is discussed for women who find themselves in physically dangerous situations. Resources and steps to create a safety plan are provided. Wise Counsel and Discernment: How to discern between wise advice and manipulative counsel, especially in a church setting. The importance of aligning advice with the true character of God, as revealed through Jesus, is highlighted.

RESOURCES Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in the Tough Times by Stormie OMartian Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)   Reflecting on the Past Laura talks about her hard memories of the marriage bed and how she took time after leaving her marriage to observe how others interacted in their marriages. She realized that healthy relationships exist and had to rewrite the script in her mind about what is normal and healthy. Challenging the Spouse Laura describes how challenging her husband or saying no would lead to either being ignored, receiving a different storyline, or being told she was wrong. She mentions how this would escalate to character assassination, erasing what she thought and wanted, making her feel she had to go along with what he did. Hitting the Wall As her kids got older, financial troubles and unstable work for her husband added to the stress. Three occasions in four months where her husband physically hit her were pivotal. After the first incident, she contacted the church, seeking accountability, but it led to no meaningful support. Her husband never acknowledged his actions. Lack of Support and Apologies Laura shares how her husband never apologized or acknowledged the abuse, often claiming that incidents never happened or were accidental. Physical and Emotional Abuse Laura explains why she did not call the police, mentioning her fear of creating a bigger mess and the belief that any report would lead to someone going to jail. She learned the importance of documentation and how having a case number could have helped her later. Fear and Control Laura recounts another incident where her husband shoved her out of bed, leading her to scream for help. She didn't call the police, fearing the consequences. Her husband continued to downplay and dismiss her concerns. Finding Leslie Vernick After these incidents, Laura tried one more round of counseling. Seeing her husband act cruelly towards his mother was a turning point. A friend recommended Leslie Vernick's book, which gave her the words to explain her experiences and recognize the patterns of abuse. Joining Conquer Laura joined Conquer in 2017. Leslie's teachings and the supportive community were a godsend. She learned about her identity in Christ and how to have healthy relationships, which helped her grow and heal. Grieving and Healing Leaving a 32-year marriage involved a grief process for Laura. Time and counseling have been healing. She had to intentionally remember the good times and not vilify her ex. Now, she can pray for him and look forward to advancing God's kingdom in her life. Moving Forward and Dating Again After seven years of being divorced, Laura is cautiously open to a new relationship. She approaches it differently, being mindful and keeping other people engaged. She remains true to herself and looks for mutual engagement and respect. Conclusion Laura encourages women in similar situations to see their own beauty and courage. She advises focusing on personal health and taking steps towards independence. Empowering oneself and one's children towards Christ and their own identity is crucial. Encouragement and Next Steps Laura emphasizes the importance of focusing on individual wellness and taking the next right step. She suggests creating a safety plan and being around supportive people who will speak life into you.  

Resources: Dr. Henry Cloud's new book: "Why I Believe"   Online platform with courses by Dr. Cloud Dr. Cloud's book, Necessary Endings Leslie's Quick Start Guide: Find out if you're in a destructive relationship In today's episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with Dr. Henry Cloud, the acclaimed leadership expert, clinical psychologist, and best-selling author known for his influential books "Boundaries" and "Necessary Endings." With over 45 years of experience, Dr. Cloud has helped millions integrate faith and psychology into their lives. In this enlightening conversation, Leslie and Dr. Cloud discuss his newest book, "Why I Believe," a deeply personal narrative that diverges from his usual clinical and business-focused writings. This book delves into Dr. Cloud's journey of faith, his childhood experiences, and the profound moments that shaped his spiritual beliefs. Key Points: Introduction to Dr. Henry Cloud: Leslie introduces Dr. Cloud, highlighting his significant contributions through his books and his integration of faith and psychology. Dr. Cloud's credentials: best-selling author, leadership expert, and clinical psychologist with over 45 years of experience. The Motivation Behind "Why I Believe": Dr. Cloud shares the impetus for writing a book about his faith journey at this point in his life. Initial intention to create a small pamphlet for his friends, which evolved into a full-fledged book due to the widespread need among Christians to share their faith. Dr. Cloud's Personal Faith Journey: Growing up in a Southern Methodist home with a faith that was real but not front and center. His struggles with depression and a turning point during his college years when he earnestly sought God. Miraculous Experiences: Dr. Cloud recounts miraculous experiences, including finding a pastor's house through divine guidance and the profound moment of feeling God's presence in his car. How these experiences affirmed his belief in God despite not immediately curing his depression. Intellectual Obstacles and Resolution: Addressing intellectual challenges such as the existence of suffering and the relationship between science and scripture. Dr. Cloud's deep dive into various scientific fields and his conclusion that there is no conflict between science and the Bible when approached without atheistic presuppositions. Integration of Psychology and Scripture: Dr. Cloud's perspective on how psychological science validates biblical teachings. The inclusion of personal miracle stories in his book to illustrate the tangible impact of faith. The Problem of Evil and Suffering: Leslie and Dr. Cloud address the age-old question: If God is good and real, why does He allow suffering, especially the suffering of innocent people? Dr. Cloud explains that the root cause lies in the concept of free will. God created humans with the freedom to love Him or reject Him, and this freedom extends to all human actions, including harmful ones. The Nature of Love and Freedom: Love cannot exist without freedom. Just as in human relationships, love must be freely given and received; otherwise, it is not true love. God set boundaries to guide humans, but the freedom to choose remains, leading to both good and evil actions. God's Foreknowledge and Plan: While God knew the potential for evil, He also prepared a plan for redemption through Jesus Christ, even before the foundation of the world. The presence of evil and suffering is part of the larger narrative of freedom and redemption. God's Presence in Suffering: Dr. Cloud shares a powerful testimony of a man who envisioned Jesus taking his place during a beating from his father, illustrating that Jesus deeply empathizes with our suffering. Jesus' identification with our pain and His presence in our suffering provides a profound sense of comfort and solidarity. Addressing Intellectual and Emotional Challenges: Dr. Cloud acknowledges that intellectual answers often fall short of providing emotional satisfaction when it comes to understanding suffering. He emphasizes the importance of trusting in God's infinite love and wisdom, even when we cannot comprehend His ways fully. Role of the Church and Community: The importance of the church's role in standing against abuse and supporting victims. Dr. Cloud critiques the misuse of scripture to justify abusive relationships and encourages victims to seek help from compassionate and understanding leaders. Empowerment and Responsibility: God has delegated the responsibility to humans to act against evil and support those in need. Encouragement for individuals and communities to step up and make a difference in the lives of those who are suffering. Encouragement for Victims: Dr. Cloud offers heartfelt advice to victims of abuse, emphasizing the importance of seeking safety and help. He highlights the significance of finding supportive communities and leaders who will stand against abuse and provide the necessary support.

RESOURCES: Leslie's Quick Start Guide - find out if you're in a destructive marriage   Today, we're tackling a big question: Is your marriage dead or alive? We'll break down how to tell if your relationship is thriving, in trouble, or maybe somewhere in between. We'll talk about what regular upkeep looks like for a healthy marriage and how to handle the heavy-duty repairs when things go south. Whether you're dealing with minor bumps or major cracks, we've got tips and insights to help you figure out the next steps. So, grab a coffee, settle in, and let's get real about your relationship! Understanding Marriage Maintenance: The Importance of Regular Upkeep:  Examples of Maintenance The Necessity of Repair Work: Identifying Major Issues Real-Life Stories and Lessons: Repair Strategies The Role of Accountability and Self-Reflection: Taking Responsibility Effective Repair Measures When Effort is Lopsided: Balancing Effort Accepting Reality: Facing Hard Truths: Healthy Acceptance: Maintaining a marriage requires ongoing effort and understanding the difference between routine maintenance and addressing significant issues. Recognizing when to repair versus maintain and accepting the reality of the situation can lead to healthier outcomes, whether it means rejuvenating the relationship or making a tough decision to move forward separately.  

Resources: Is Your Marriage Destructive? Find out. Get Leslie's Quick Start Guide here!   In this episode, we delve into the often overlooked dynamics of covert abuse within marriages, shedding light on its subtle yet profound impacts. Our guest, Jessica, shares her insights into these hidden behaviors based on her personal journey and observations.   Defining Covert Abuse: Covert abuse refers to subtle, deceptive behaviors aimed at controlling or manipulating a partner without overt aggression. Jessica describes how these behaviors include gaslighting, passive-aggressive tactics, and manipulation through silence or withdrawal. Impact on Emotional Well-being: The discussion explores the emotional toll of covert abuse, highlighting feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and isolation. Jessica shares her experience of feeling constantly invalidated and struggling with the blurred lines between love and control. Financial and Decision-Making Control: Financial abuse, where one partner controls finances to limit independence or enforce compliance, is explored. The impact on decision-making within the household and personal autonomy is discussed, emphasizing the need for financial transparency and equality. Parenting Challenges: Covertly abusive behaviors can extend into parenting dynamics, affecting roles, responsibilities, and the emotional environment for children. Jessica shares insights into navigating parenting while dealing with a partner's controlling behaviors and its effect on family dynamics. Seeking Support and Healing: Importance of Community and Therapy: Jessica emphasizes the role of supportive communities and therapy in recognizing and healing from covert abuse. Finding validation and solidarity with others who understand similar experiences is crucial for emotional recovery. Personal Growth and Empowerment: The journey towards healing involves reclaiming personal agency and establishing boundaries. Jessica discusses steps she took to prioritize her well-being and regain a sense of self outside the abusive dynamics. Raising Awareness and Taking Action: The episode concludes with a call to raise awareness about covert abuse, encouraging listeners to recognize the signs and seek help. Jessica shares resources and strategies for anyone experiencing or suspecting covert abuse in their relationships.

RESOURCES: Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE Are you in an emotionally destructive marriage? Get Leslie's Quick Start Guide HERE.  Listen to this podcast where Alicia tells the story of being married to a sexually abusive pastor.    In this episode, Leslie and Julie explore the challenging issue of marital rape, drawing on personal experiences and insights from biblical teachings. Join them for an honest conversation that sheds light on this sensitive topic with compassion and understanding. Understanding Marital Rape Definition and misconceptions. Societal and religious views. Biblical Perspectives Scriptural interpretations. Cultural biases and implications. Challenging Misconceptions Myth vs. reality: Marriage and consent. Importance of mutual respect. The Role of Mutual Respect Biblical teachings on respect and autonomy. Building healthy marital dynamics. Setting Healthy Boundaries Importance of boundaries in marriage. Safeguarding dignity and respect.

Resource: Leslie's People Pleasing Course In this episode, Julie and Leslie explore the connection between trauma and people-pleasing habits. They discuss how past experiences can lead us to prioritize others' approval over our own well-being. Through real-life stories and practical tips, they empower listeners to break free from these patterns, find their voice, and foster more authentic connections. Why Understanding the Connection is Important Childhood patterns: Survival mechanisms that may not serve us well in adulthood Impact of unresolved trauma on adult relationships and well-being Signs of People-Pleasing Behavior Difficulty saying no, anxiety when refusing requests Constantly seeking approval, compromising personal values Roots of Negative People-Pleasing Behavior Relationship trauma: Abuse, neglect, abandonment Response mechanisms: Fight, flight, freeze, fawn Personal Experiences with People-Pleasing Leslie Vernick's journey: Balancing pleasing others with self-care and values Setting Boundaries Importance of identity and responsibility in setting boundaries Practical examples: Saying no without guilt, prioritizing self-care Strategies for Healing from Past Trauma Recognizing trauma's impact on decision-making and relationships Taking responsibility for personal healing and growth Conclusion Importance of internal healing for breaking the cycle of people-pleasing Steps towards self-awareness, setting boundaries, and healing from trauma

Resources: Register here for our UNLIMITED Moving Beyond People Pleasing Drop-In Group Coaching + Video Curriculum Today, Julie & Leslie are exploring how some of your best qualities and highest Christian virtues can make you a target for toxic individuals. Have you ever wondered why you seem to attract destructive people despite your kind heart and good intentions? This episode will help you understand and transform how you navigate relationships, allowing you to embrace your strengths while safeguarding your heart. People Pleasing: People pleasers are often generous and eager to make others happy, which can make them susceptible to manipulation. Without the ability to say no, people pleasers may find themselves overextended and exploited. Learn to buy time before committing and practice saying no without guilt. Loyalty: Loyalty is a noble trait, reflecting a commitment to relationships. However, blind loyalty can lead to staying in harmful relationships with habitual liars or abusers. Pair loyalty with discernment and wisdom to know when to break away from toxic situations. Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a core Christian virtue, emphasizing grace and mercy. However, endless forgiveness without consequences can enable continued abuse or neglect. Healthy forgiveness includes justice and setting boundaries, ensuring there are consequences for harmful actions. Forbearance: Forbearance promotes patience and tolerance, important in any relationship. Being passive and ignoring habitual sin or evil can be dangerous. Be intentional about forbearance and confront issues when necessary, following Ephesians 5:11 to expose deeds of darkness. Kindness: Kindness reflects God's love and compassion. Niceness without boundaries can lead to being used and misused. Be kind but firm, setting limits on unacceptable behavior without compromising your values. Selflessness: Selflessness mirrors Christ's sacrifice and service. Being overly selfless can lead to losing your identity and becoming an object in the relationship. Steward your life wisely, balancing self-care with serving others, and maintaining your individuality. Trust: Trust is fundamental to any healthy relationship. Naive trust can lead to betrayal and harm. Trust with discernment, recognizing when someone is not trustworthy and acting accordingly. As we discuss these virtues, remember that we are currently enrolling for Leslie's Moving Beyond People Pleasing program. This course is designed to help you apply these principles in your life. Visit leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse to learn more and register. Final Thoughts: Embrace your Christian virtues but pair them with wisdom and discernment to protect yourself from toxic individuals. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it's stewardship. Prioritize your well-being to better serve others and fulfill your God-given potential. Remember to consider the entire counsel of God, not just isolated verses, to guide your life and relationships. Thank you for joining us today. We hope this conversation helps you navigate your relationships more wisely and embrace your strengths while safeguarding your heart. Until next time, take care and stay true to your values.  

Join Moving Beyond People Pleasing! www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse   In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko talks with Jill, a woman navigating the complex journey of staying well in a challenging marriage. Jill shares her story of setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and balancing hope with vigilance. Her experiences provide valuable insights for anyone facing similar marital struggles. Tune in to hear Jill's candid account of the ongoing battle to maintain wellness in her relationship.   Introduction to Jill's Story: Jill's background and the challenges she faced in her marriage. Early signs of an emotionally unhealthy marriage. Navigating Family Influences: Impact of Jill's mother-in-law on her marriage. Establishing boundaries with extended family. Steps Towards Healing: Seeking counseling and church community support. Building a business together and navigating financial struggles with faith. Challenges of Staying Well: The constant effort required to maintain healthy boundaries. Handling emotional triggers and setting consistent limits. The difficulty of not reverting to old patterns of behavior. Balancing hope for improvement with vigilance against setbacks. Navigating emotional health within the family and maintaining stability for her children. Recognizing and addressing codependency and manipulation in relationships. Behavioral Changes in Marriage: Positive changes in her husband's behavior and their communication patterns. Significance of transparency and trust-building. Final Thoughts and Advice: Jill's advice for women in similar situations. Emphasizing the language of behavior and the importance of reflecting on personal responses.    

In this episode Leslie and Julie dive into the complex topic of intent and its role in destructive relationships. They explore the distinction between deeply selfish actions and those stemming from misguided theology, mental or physical illness, or past traumas. The discussion highlights whether intent should influence how we process harm and respond within our marriages, even when unintentional damage occurs. Key Points: Intent vs. Impact: The importance of recognizing that even unintentional actions can cause significant harm. The need for restitution and justice regardless of intent. Forgiveness and Amends: The balance between forgiveness and the necessity for repair and restitution. Addressing Harm in Marriage: The importance of acknowledging and addressing the harm caused, even if unintentional. The role of genuine repentance and changed behavior in rebuilding trust. When to Stop Bringing Up Past Hurts: The necessity of ongoing conversation and understanding the victim's perspective. The difference between genuine repentance and dismissing the victim's feelings. Trust and Safety in Relationships: The critical role of trust and safety in maintaining a healthy marriage. Examples of irreparable breaches of trust, such as adultery or financial deceit. Mental Illness and Responsibility: The balance between compassion for mental illness and maintaining personal boundaries. Sacrificial Suffering and Boundaries: The distinction between noble sacrifices and enabling harmful behavior. The importance of not sacrificing one's well-being to enable another's worst behavior. Recognizing True Change: Identifying genuine changes in behavior and heart versus superficial compliance. The importance of mutual care and respect in a truly healthy relationship. Listener Takeaways: Self-Worth and Dignity: Understanding that a partner's indifference or cruelty is a reflection of their character, not your worth. Embracing your value as an individual and image bearer of God. Living in Reality: The power of facing the truth about your relationship for making informed decisions. The importance of personal growth and becoming your best self. Resources: Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start