Reimagining Love

The work of building a life we love is deep and longterm. But along the way, there are small and simple gems of wisdom that can pack a big punch and lead us to “aha” moments. Renowned happiness expert Gretchen Rubin's new book, Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives, is full of aphorisms that present those kinds of helpful, concise ideas. Gretchen is the author of many bestselling books, such as The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, The Four Tendencies, and Life in Five Senses. She's also host of the popular podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, which helps people track their happiness-boosting habits. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra and Gretchen use aphorisms from the book to explore themes such as the tension between self-acceptance and wanting to grow, and balancing duty and desire in our relationships. Aphorisms can be wonderful conversation-openers, and this episode may even inspire you to write some of your own!"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkitSecrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives by Gretchen RubinAbandon the Empty Nest. Instead, Try the Open Door by Gretchen Rubin (The Atlantic)Gretchen's podcast, Happier with Gretchen RubinGretchen's websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Parents of adolescents can sometimes feel like they're in a tough spot: they get so much pushback and can lose their confidence when it comes to talking about the topics that really matter such as romance and love. Additionally, many parents don't feel up to the task of talking with their teens about this subject—often because they're still making sense of their own relationship journeys. In her new book, First Love: Guiding Teens through Relationships and Heartbreak, journalist, author, and professor Lisa A. Phillips reminds us that all adults are really still recovering from being teenagers, and that they bring their own experiences and ideas of first love into conversations with their kids. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra chats with Lisa about how our society has a tendency to demean and devalue fist love, the fact that most adolescents wish their parents spoke with them about relationships, and why a crush really is a milestone, too. They also explore how parents bring their own experiences and biases to these conversations, and often let their own fears and hang-ups stop them from having this important dialog in the first place."Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkitFirst Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak by Lisa A. PhillipsFrom WAMU's 1A: How to talk our teens through their first heartbreaks, featuring Lisa A. Phillips, Alexandra Solomon, and Lauren Hamilton, hosted by Jenn White.Lisa's websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Breakups are heart-wrenching at any age, but when a partner leaves suddenly after three decades of marriage, it takes a lot of time to pick up the pieces. When Suzy Hopkins had this experience, she decided to team up with her illustrator daughter Hallie Bateman to channel her pain into a creative project, and their book, What To Do When You Get Dumped: A Guide to Unbreaking Your Heart, came to life. Suzy had a rich career in journalism including founding her own magazine, and Hallie is a writer and illustrator whose work has appeared in places like the New Yorker and the New York Times Magazine. This is the second book Hallie and Suzy have made together, and on today's episode, they're giving us an inside look at what creating this illustrated guide entailed and how healing the creative process was for both of them. Dr. Alexandra chats with them about some of the most painful aspects of breakups, and they explore the incredible renewal that can occur in the wake of loss, when we are able to accept support from those we love and summon the courage to reimagine our lives. "Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkitWhat to Do When You Get Dumped by Suzy Hopkins & Hallie BatemanHallie's websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Today, we are excited to share Dr. Alexandra's recent interview on the Signal Award-winning podcast No Small Endeavor. Produced by PRX and Great Feeling Studios, the podcast explores what it means to live a good life with the help of courageous and impassioned guests like renowned happiness expert Gretchen Rubin, Hidden Brain podcast host Shankar Vedantam, and New York Times bestselling author Malcolm Gladwell.In this specific episode, host and theologian Lee C. Camp and Dr. Solomon discuss insights from her book, "Loving Bravely,” as well as the secrets to thriving intimacy, mastering the art of apology, and staying truly present with your partner. Not to mention she shares practical tools for navigating the inevitable challenges of long-term love.  Listen to more episodes of No Small Endeavor here: https://lnk.to/D28Fv3

Today's guest, psychiatrist and author Dr. Sue Varma, says that optimists may be born, but “practical optimists” are made. Not all optimism is good, and not all pessimism is bad. BUT when we become mired in negativity, Dr. Sue says, we become paralyzed and passive. So what's the fix? In her book, Practical Optimism, and in this episode, she makes a compelling case for why we all need more optimism in our lives and tells us how we can cultivate it right now. Dr. Alexandra chats with Dr. Sue about the role self-compassion plays in this journey, and how finding your soul's purpose can help you remain in an optimistic zone for decades to come. They also discuss how partners can explore their unique strengths in this area as a team."Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkitPractical Optimism The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being by Dr. Sue VarmaDr. Sue's websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

“So often we look outside ourselves for the expansion that lives within,” says today's guest Cathy Heller, a coach, spiritual guide, meditation teacher, and inspirational speaker. Many of us hang our worth and happiness on things we don't have yet: the dream job, the perfect relationship, the fancy clothes. But in Cathy's book Abundant Ever After, as well as in this episode, she tells us that we can have the ease, connection, and joy we so desperately crave, just as we are now. And when we can learn to do that, we become ready to receive abundance. Cathy and Dr. Alexandra discuss the Law of Reception and our capacity for welcoming goodness in, in the same way a radio dial tunes into different channels. Cathy also kicks off the episode by leading listeners through a nourishing mediation, which you can return to at any time, here on this episode."Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkitAbundant Ever After: Tools for Creating a Life of Prosperity and Ease by Cathy HellerCathy's Instagram @cathy.hellerCathy's websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Few topics are more relevant to our day-to-day lives than work. For many of us, our jobs are more than just occupations—they're where we achieve goals, make meaning, experience successes and failures, and cultivate our self-esteem. So, when work and love collide, we find ourselves at a rich intersection of emotions, expectations, and needs. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra uncovers why fighting with your partner about work is never just that, and shares tools you can use to cultivate intimacy and ambition simultaneously. You'll learn about what Dr. Alexandra calls “the Work-Love Matrix,” understand the connections between your experience in the workplace and your experience growing up in your Family-of-Origin, and hear a five-step practice you can use today to have more supportive conversations about work with your partner.Further Listening: Is Work Stress Taking a Toll on Your Relationship? (Reimagining Love)Order Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

 When two partners have a major difference between them, it can kick up a lot of dust in a relationship. One of the most common is what Dr. Alexandra calls “The Effort Mismatch”: while one partner tends to scan the relationship for problems and is always on the lookout for growth opportunities (The Change Partner), the other partner holds steady, generally accepting the relationship for what it is today (The Acceptance Partner). The good news is, when both partners understand and value their differences, this contrast between them can be a huge asset to their relationship. However, most couples with an Effort Mismatch struggle to reckon with this discrepancy, digging their heels into their side of the dynamic or wishing their partner would magically change. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra explores the internal and relational experience of each of these two types of partners, shares tailored reminders and guidance for each of them, and explains how this difference can actually be extremely complementary, even as it poses challenges for a couple.Order Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener QuestionOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Today, we're sharing an episode of LinkedIn's Everyday Better podcast! Dr. Alexandra recently joined host Leah Smart for a conversation about relationships and work. Learn more below and enjoy this bonus episode!The research is clear: how satisfied you feel at work impacts the quality of your relationships at home, and the quality of your relationships at home impacts the way you show up at work. That's why Dr. Alexandra Solomon wants you to think more deeply about the work-related arguments you have with your partner. Whether you and your partner disagree about how much money you each should make, how many hours you should work, or whether a career is for finding meaning or having financial security, this is fraught terrain, rife with opportunities for conflict.In this conversation, Alexandra explains why, as a couple's therapist, she has turned her focus towards the intersection between work and relationships. We explore how to be more relationally self-aware at work and what to do when work stress comes home with you.Later, Leah and Alexandra are joined by a special guest: Leah's husband, Tim. Together, they examine what happens when people with different orientations towards ambition become partners.Links:Everyday Better on Apple Podcasts and SpotifyFollow Leah Smart on LinkedInLinkedIn's award-winning podcast Everyday Better with Leah Smart isn't just another self-help podcast; it's a life compass for listeners. Whether you're contemplating a career change or searching for your purpose in life, Everyday Better host Leah Smart is here for you.As an educator in self-improvement and positive psychology, Leah brings transformational conversations and actionable insights for improving your well-being.Each Tuesday, Leah sits down with expert guests who use science and story to share strategies for how we can flourish individually, in relationship to others and to the world around us. Episodes cover everything from tips for improving your sleep routine and reducing stress to insights into how to reexamine your relationship with work.You can find new episodes of Everyday Better wherever you listen to podcasts and on YouTube.

You likely know today's guest, Diego Perez, by his pen name: Yung Pueblo. He has an online audience of over 4 million people and is a New York Times bestselling author, whose books have been translated into over 25 languages. Diego's work focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and cultivating self-awareness, and his meditation practice is central to all that he shares with the world. He and Dr. Alexandra discuss all of that in this conversation, as they dig into the lessons and reflections he's woven together in his new book, How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion. They dive into what it means to argue and disagree peacefully with a partner, the power of meditation, and why it's important to work with the universe, not against it. Diego also opens up about his own love story with his wife, Sarah. They wrap things up by exploring a question together from a listener in Chicago who is feeling doubts in her relationship and isn't sure about the way forward. How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion by Yung PuebloDiego's Instagram @yung_puebloDiego's websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Are you stressed? According to physician and stress expert Dr. Aditi Nerurkar's research, the answer is most likely “YES.” Whether it's due to pressure at work, the unrelenting deluge of news, care responsibilities, or relationship challenges (or all of the above!), it's understandable that most of us feel overwhelmed. But when old coping strategies aren't working anymore and life feels unmanageable, it takes a toll on our brains, bodies and longevity. Dr. Aditi joins Dr. Alexandra on today's episode for a transformative conversation, centered on her bestselling book “The Five Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body For Less Stress and More Resilience.” Dr. Aditi is a Harvard stress expert, medical doctor, and researcher who is committed to offering actionable, practical, and science-backed approaches to reimagining your relationship with everyday stress and burnout. They discuss the solutions she shares in her book, which will empower you to develop the right kind of resilience, the kind that will allow you to move through challenges with patience and stability. And Dr. Aditi also shares her three second brain reset, “Stop, Breathe, Be” for listeners to try out.Relevant Links:The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience by Dr. Aditi NerurkarDr. Aditi's websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Many of us have cultivated confidence in our careers, our family life, and our friendships, but when it comes to dating, we feel lost at sea. This was the case for acclaimed TV and live events producer Lindsay Jill Roth, who found herself asking what she knew were the wrong questions in dating (What does he want me to say? How can I make this person like me?). So, she set out to create a tool for herself that she's now sharing with the world. In her new book, Romances & Practicalities, Lindsay offers a roadmap for how to understand your wants and needs better and truly communicate and connect with the person you're dating, through 250 research-backed questions spread across twelve categories—from money to children to chores to sex. These questions help folks develop deeper intimacy and open up about what they're looking for in an intimate partnership. In her conversation with Dr. Alexandra, you'll hear about Lindsay's budding romance with her now husband, the couples she spoke with who have used this system, and the wisdom and practical guidance she's garnered from the clinical experts she interviewed for the book—including Dr. Alexandra! Lindsay urges listeners to view expansive and thoughtful dialog as something sexy, not just vital, as they get to know someone that they think might be their person. Lindsay and Dr. Alexandra also address a thoughtful listener question at the end of the episode, about dating across socio-economic class.Romances & Practicalities: A Love Story (Maybe Yours!) in 250 Questions by Lindsay Jill RothLindsay's websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Conversations about sex are so important, but approaching the topic with a partner can feel overwhelming. When we come up against sexual challenges in our relationships, it can be easy to fall into patterns of blame and shame. Listening to this episode is a great first step as you find your voice and reclaim your power in your sex life. You'll hear from psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri, who joins Dr. Alexandra for a conversation all about sexuality and her new book, What Happened to My Sex Life? They explore the importance of creating shared agreements and visions with your partner when it comes to sex, how to navigate retroactive jealousy, and the role safety plays in our sexual connections. They also respond to a listener question about how someone's sexual history can impact their current relationship dynamic.Dr. Kate's book: What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist's Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and PleasureDr. Kate's Instagram: @drkatebalestrieriDr. Kate's website: Modern IntimacyGet Naked with Dr. Kate (podcast)Order Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Today's episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). We're exploring how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked below, along with the FREE Family of Origin Roles workbook, Reclaiming You.We're taking a look at “The Rebel” role in today's episode. Some family systems are well-equipped to handle disagreement, debate, and resistance. But when a family is under pressure in any way, a child who questions or challenges the system is going to be seen as a threat. While the Rebel may cling to their strong opinions and double down on their critical stance, feelings of fear, isolation, and anxiety may occur and continue into adulthood, especially around conformity and authority. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Rebel can break free from old stories that their only path to safety was to push back and choose the path of opposition. Relevant links:Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming YouReimagining Love episode: “People-Pleasing vs. Brutal Honesty: When & How to Share Feedback with Your Partner”Reimagining Love episode: “When Having ‘No Filter' Hurts a Relationship”Take the Family of Origin Roles QuizDr. Alexandra's Psychotherapy Networker ArticleOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Today's episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). We're exploring how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked below.We're taking a look at “The Parentified Child” role in today's episode. The child cast into this role likely heard that they were “so mature,” “wise beyond their years,” or were praised for their comforting presence when they were growing up. The problem? Kids shouldn't have to provide emotional support to the adults in their family. Unfortunately for the Parentified Child, this felt like the surest route to safety and love, perhaps due to a chaotic environment, overwhelmed parents, or conflict in the family system. As an adult, the Parentified Child carries with them a certain set of beliefs and tendencies that they picked up as a kid in this role. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Parentified Child can free themselves from always taking on others' needs and create more egalitarian relationships that feel safe and nourishing.Relevant links:Reimagining Love episode with Dr. Hillary McBride: Getting Present: Tuning Into Your Body with Dr. Hillary McBrideReimagining Love series: “I Love My Partner, But Their Family is Toxic”: Part 1, Part 2Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls' Childhood (Rebecca Epstein, Jamilia J. Blake, Thalia González, from the Center on Poverty and Inequality, Georgetown Law)Past episodes of the Family of Origin Roles Series: Introductory Episode, The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)Take the Family of Origin Roles QuizDr. Alexandra's Psychotherapy Networker ArticleOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

On today's episode, we're diving deep into the topic of attachment with guest Thais Gibson, an author, counselor, and the co-founder of The Personal Development School. While the discourse around attachment so often focuses on identifying what's “wrong” with us, in this conversation, Dr. Alexandra and Thais explore how understanding and investigating our attachment style can create fertile ground for us to change the way we show up in relationships and break frustrating patterns. Our attachment style is not our destiny, and when we begin to understand the roots of this subconscious programming, we have the opportunity to reprogram ourselves for better and more fulfilling relationships. This episode will give you the tools and insights to start down that path and think more expansively about attachment.Thais's Instagram, The Personal Development SchoolOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Today's guest is Jillian Turecki, a certified relationship coach, teacher, author of the new book It Begins With You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life, and host of the podcast, Jillian On Love. You've likely seen her wise and straightforward videos that get right to the heart of our most pressing dating and relationship questions. She's helped thousands through her teachings, courses, writing, and her popular social media accounts to revolutionize their relationship with themselves so that they can transform their romantic relationships. One of the central tenets of Jillian's work is the idea that the common denominator in all your relationships is you. A lot of us know in our bones that creating safety inside ourselves is the key to healthy relationships with others—but we don't always know how to do this or where to start. Jillian and Dr. Alexandra also discuss estrangement and navigating complex relationships with family members. Tune in to today's episode to hear all of Jillian's wisdom!Relevant Links:It Begins with You: The 9 Hard Truths about Love That Will Change Your Life by Jillian TureckiJillian's Instagram & websiteOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Today's episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it!We're taking a look at “The Peacemaker” role in today's episode. All families have conflict, and it's common for one child in the family to play a referee or mediator role, either through intervention or more subtler peacemaking strategies, such as comic relief. As adults, Peacemakers likely find themselves between friends and family members when there are tensions and may struggle to extract themselves from these dynamics. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Peacemaker can embark on their healing journey.Relevant links:Reimagining Love: Disrupting the Underfunctioning/Overfunctioning DynamicTake the Family of Origin Roles QuizReimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You' & Exploring Your Family of Origin”Dr. Alexandra's Psychotherapy Networker ArticleOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Today's episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it!We're taking a look at “The Struggling One” role in today's episode. In some families, there is an individual who needs more care and attention than others. There are a number of reasons why this might be the case, including a difference in ability, a behavioral challenge, or a mental health condition. In any case, the “struggling one” is the recipient of a lot of the family system's energy, and this dynamic may lead to certain challenges and strengths for that person in adulthood. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Struggling One can embark on their healing journey.Relevant links:Minorities Less Likely to Be Identified for Special Education, Study Finds (EducationWeek)‘Boys are disappearing' from mental health care as signs of depression go undetected (NBC News)Girls With Social and/or Attention Deficit Re-Examined in Young Adulthood: Prospective Study of Diagnostic Stability, Daily Life Functioning and Social Situation (National Library of Medicine)The "Spoon Theory" (Christine Miserandino, www.butyoudontlooksick.com)Take the Family of Origin Roles QuizReimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You' & Exploring Your Family of Origin”Dr. Alexandra's Psychotherapy Networker ArticleOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

On today's episode of Reimagining Love, Vanessa & Xander Marin join Dr. Alexandra for a frank and compassionate conversation about sex—specifically, sex in long-term relationships. It's normal for couples to fall into a rut in the bedroom, ranging from sex feeling kind of “meh,” to long periods without any intimacy at all. These ebbs and flows are part of being in a long-term relationship or marriage, and the good news is, there are actions you can take to chart a new course with your partner and to get excited about each other again. Vanessa and Xander are a couple who have been creating that very roadmap for folks, through their amazing online courses, their podcast, Pillow Talks, and their New York Times-bestselling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. Vanessa is a sex therapist with 20 years of experience who has been featured in outlets like O, The Oprah Magazine, Harper's Bazaar, Vogue, and Goop, and she has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker. And Xander? Well, he is a “regular dude” who left his corporate job to join Vanessa in this work. Together they blend clinical wisdom, humor, openness, and their own personal stories to normalize talking about our sex lives and to offer techniques for improving yours. You are going to hear about their personal experience with couple therapy and how they landed on the agreement, “If it matters to one of us, it matters to both of us.” They share so many juicy insights about sex, from desire discrepancy to initiation to their amazing acronym “P.L.E.A.S.E.,” which you'll learn in this conversation. This episode will give you the confidence to shift the way you and your partner talk about sex and couple therapy, as well as anything else you might be stuck on.Relevant Links:Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa & Xander MarinVanessa & Xander's website: https://vmtherapy.com/https://vmtherapy.com/Vanessa & Xander's courses & challenges: https://vmtherapy.com/holiday-gift-guide-2024Vanessa & Xander's podcast, Pillow Talks: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pillow-talks/id1569466131Order Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Give the gift of Relational Self-Awareness! All of Dr. Alexandra's online offerings are 20% off until December 20th, 2024! They include the hallmark course "Intimate Relationships 101" and the Reimagining Love Workbook as a beautiful companion to this podcast. Visit https://dralexandrasolomon.com/giftguide2024/ to explore Relational Self-Awareness as you and your loved ones move into the new year.

Today's episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it last month!We're taking a look at “The Easy One” role in today's episode. If you were the kid who could always “go with the flow” in your family, this might be you. As a child, you didn't express a lot of needs (even though you had them, as we all do!), and that may have been a relief to the Big People in your system, because their attention was needed elsewhere. As an adult, you may identify as a people-pleaser, always attuning yourself to the people around you, wondering how you can make them comfortable or happy. You may believe you're only worthy to the degree that you're accommodating others. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Easy One can embark on their healing journey.Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I co-taught with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.Relevant links:Take the Family of Origin Roles QuizReimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You' & Exploring Your Family of Origin”Dr. Alexandra's Psychotherapy Networker ArticleResources about power exchange / kink:From Michelle Herzog's Center for Modern Relationships: Article Part I, Article Part II Pleasure Mechanics: CoursesPleasure Mechanics: Podcast episodeDipsea: “How to explore light bondage play with your trusted partner” by Toni Sicola (2021)Pillow Talk Podcast (Vanessa + Xander Marin): How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For BeginnersTIME Article: “Why I Kept My Kinks a Secret” by R.O. Kwon (2024)British GQ: “A dominatrix gives a beginners guide to kink” by Daisy Schofield (2024)Order Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Give the gift of Relational Self-Awareness! All of Dr. Alexandra's online offerings are 20% off until December 20th, 2024! They include the hallmark course "Intimate Relationships 101" and the Reimagining Love Workbook as a beautiful companion to this podcast. Visit https://dralexandrasolomon.com/giftguide2024/ to explore Relational Self-Awareness as you and your loved ones move into the new year.Build essential relationship skills with MasterClass. Dr. Alexandra, Ryan Holiday, and other experts share how you can improve communication, resilience, and relationships with the class “Using Ancient Wisdom to Solve Modern Problems”. Learn more at http://www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon

Today's episode is part of a new solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (aka FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it last month!Up first in Dr. Alexandra's exploration of family roles is “The Perfect One.”  If you were the superstar kid in your family, known for bringing home good grades and accolades, this might be you. As an adult, perhaps you seek validation and affirmation of your worthiness through tangible accomplishments. You may believe you're only as good and worthy of love as your job title, latest career win, parenting flex, or fitness milestone. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Perfect One can embark on their healing journey.Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I co-taught with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.Relevant links:Take the Family of Origin Roles QuizReimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You' & Exploring Your Family of Origin”Dr. Alexandra's Psychotherapy Networker ArticleOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Build essential relationship skills with MasterClass. Dr. Alexandra, Ryan Holiday, and other experts share how you can improve communication, resilience, and relationships with the class “Using Ancient Wisdom to Solve Modern Problems”. Learn more at http://www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomonHey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we're publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at http://dralexandrasolomon.com/

We all know that when we're stressed, we're not our best selves. But what happens when this stress threatens to erode our most important relationships, and we feel powerless to change the dynamic? Returning guest Elizabeth Earnshaw joins Dr. Solomon to address this pressing yet common issue. Liz is a licensed family and marriage therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, AAMFT Approved Supervisor, and founder of A Better Life Therapy. She's known for her popular Instagram account @lizlistens, is the author of I Want This to Work, and has been featured in the New York Times, USA Today, The Washington Post, and more. Her newest book, ‘Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationships, is an empowering guide to stress-proofing your relationship.While we may initially believe it's our relationships that are the cause of our stress, Liz says that it's often the other way around: that “the unprecedented collective stress we all face today is the cause of many relationship challenges couples are experiencing.” In this episodes, you'll hear Liz's deeply empathetic re-frame of this issue. Liz and Dr. Alexandra discuss why our partner often gets the “worst” version of us, how we can understand different types or “buckets” of stressors, and the small but mighty changes we can make that will serve our relationships for the long haul. They also focus on the pressures of parenthood and what makes this moment particularly challenging for parents. Finally, they answer a question from a listener in Idaho named Amber about how to move forward after a rift in a friendship. Relevant Links:Liz's book: 'Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our RelationshipsLiz's website and InstagramParents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents (2024)Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy's essay in The New York Times Opinion section, August 2024: Surgeon General: Parents Are at Their Wits' End. We Can Do Better.Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Build essential relationship skills with MasterClass. Dr. Alexandra, Ryan Holiday, and other experts share how you can improve communication, resilience, and relationships with the class “Using Ancient Wisdom to Solve Modern Problems”. Learn more at http://www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomonHey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we're publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at http://dralexandrasolomon.com/

Today's episode is the first of a new solo episode series on Reimagining Love about Family-of-Origin Roles. Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messaging about love, connection, and worthiness as a result.To start off this series, we're revisiting this in-depth solo episode, in which Dr. Alexandra explains the six common roles we might have played in our original family systems. Through understanding our past, we can see how these roles continue to show up in our relationships today and use that knowledge as a powerful Relational Self-Awareness tool. In December, we'll begin releasing role-specific episodes for each of the six roles, starting with “The Perfect One,” so be sure to catch that conversation next month.Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I contributed to with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.Relevant links:Take the Family of Origin Roles QuizReimagining Love: “Tending to “Little You” & Exploring Your Family of Origin”Dr. Alexandra's Psychotherapy Networker ArticleOrder Dr. Alexandra's book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we're publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at http://dralexandrasolomon.com/

Have you ever felt like different parts of yourself were competing for attention and power? Maybe you have aspects of your personality that you're proud of, and others that you'd rather keep hidden from the world—the ones that tend to rear their heads in your not-so-shining moments. According to Internal Family Systems Therapy, a framework developed by today's guest, Dr. Richard Schwartz, we are all made up of sub-personalities or “parts.” IFS posits that by investigating and understanding where each of those parts come from and how they are dictating our current behavior, we can better understand our unique mental world and determine how to make change to support our healing and improve our relationships. Dr. Alexandra talks with Dr. Dick about how IFS has the potential to help individuals understand themselves, strengthen their romantic relationships, or even navigate the dating world. They also explore a question from a listener in Toronto who wants to feel more deeply understood in conversations with her boyfriend. IFS is a theoretical framework that has helped many folks, but as always, Dr. Alexandra encourages you to see what resonates with you in this conversation and what might be helpful to bring into your own processes of self-discovery and healing, and to your relationships. Relevant Links:IFS Institute: ifs-institute.comIntimacy From The Inside Out: https://ifs-institute.com/store/116No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.: https://bookshop.org/p/books/no-bad-parts-healing-trauma-and-restoring-wholeness-with-the-internal-family-systems-model-richard-schwartz/16396062?ean=9781683646686You Are the One You've Been Waiting for: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.: https://bookshop.org/p/books/you-are-the-one-you-ve-been-waiting-for-applying-internal-family-systems-to-intimate-relationships-richard-schwartz/18790456?ean=9781683643623Story on IFS from NPR's Morning Edition: https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/10/25/nx-s1-5055753/parts-work-therapy-internal-family-systems-anxiety#:~:text=At%20the%20center%20of%20IFS,his%20book%20No%20Bad%20Parts. Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we're publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at http://dralexandrasolomon.com/

What would your reaction be if someone asked if you're codependent? If “Certainly not!” is your immediate response, this episode invites you to look a little deeper. While we often turn to a single definition of codependency—enabling another person in a situation that is damaging or dangerous, such as addiction—Terri Cole‘s new book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, expands on this traditional and insufficient definition to include those who are “overly invested in the feelings of the people in our lives to the detriment of our own internal peace.”Terri is a licensed psychotherapist, empowerment coach, and recovering high-functioning codependent. In therapy sessions with her highly capable patients, Terri noticed a lot of pushback when she would suggest that they might be codependent. However, when she clarified her updated definition, they immediately recognized these traits in themselves and could begin recovering from these detrimental behaviors. It is likely that you recognize these traits in yourself or someone close to you, so I hope that you will come away enlightened and empowered from Terri's explanation of the clues that highlight these traits, the heavy cost to both the individual and their loved ones, and how we can all be of service to others without adopting problematic patterns. We also unpack a thoughtful question from a listener in Nova Scotia Canada about rebuilding a damaged relationship with her four adult children. Relevant Links:Learn more about Terri ColeOrder Terri's book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning CodependencyGet your copy of the HFC WorkbookJoin the Teri Cole MembershipOrder Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we're publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.

The decision to cut off a family member is a difficult one. Estrangement is an attempt to solve a painful, systemic relationship problem. This monumental move should be deeply considered, and my collectivist approach to therapy encourages being curious about and striving to understand how the different contexts our family members—epsecially those with a generational divide—grew up and live within can impact how we show up in our relationships. Without, of course, ever dismissing the very real trauma that can precede an estrangement.In this in-depth solo episode, I explore the dynamics of cut-offs, including what both the official research and my recent social media survey have to say. Then, I offer three relational self-awareness questions for folks on both sides of the estrangement experience: those considering cutting off a family member and those who are about to be or have been cut off.These questions aim to support compassionate dialogue that increases both party's chances of finding a solution. Whether you are the estranger or the estranged, it is my hope that this conversation will leave you with some tools and a perspective you may not have considered, one that takes each person's lived experience into consideration and opens up the possibility of finding a middle ground between an unhealthy status quo and walking away.Relevant Links:Get your companion workbook - https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/cutoffMy talk on 1A: “When Loved Ones Become Strangers” - https://the1a.org/segments/when-loved-ones-become-strangers/Reimagining Love Episode: “End or Mend: Managing Difficult Family Relationships with Nedra Tawwab” - https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/end-or-mend-managing-difficult-family-relationships-with-nedra-tawwab/APA article: “Estrangement Is Never Easy or Straightforward. Psychologists Can Help” - https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/healing-pain-estrangementVogue article: “Why So Many People (Myself Included) Are Experiencing Family Estrangement” - https://www.vogue.com/article/why-so-many-people-are-experiencing-family-estrangementAeon article: “Estrangement” - https://aeon.co/essays/modern-culture-blames-parents-for-forces-beyond-their-controlOrder Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Get effortless support for your balanced wellness lifestyle with Factor. Visit https://www.factormeals.com/TCFE50 and use the code TCFE50 to get 50% off your first box, plus 20% off the next month.Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we're going to be on a very short two week break starting Sept 17th. When we return on October 1st, we're going to start publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.

In North America, we're conditioned from an early age to cultivate specific components of our full personalities and curtail others. For people socialized as girls, traditionally “feminine” qualities such as softspokenness and emotional exploration are encouraged, while assertiveness is discouraged. For people socialized as boys, qualities like toughness and a stiff upper lip are considered masculine, and they are advised against being open about their feelings.But as hard as patriarchal society has worked to separate us into specific personas based on our sex, the truth is that we all carry masculine and feminine energies within us. In this episode, marriage and family therapist and Depth Psychology expert Dené Logan embarks with me on an exploration of how we manage, heal, and share our internal energies—this is the fascinating topic of her new book, Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine & Feminine Within.Relevant Links:Order Dené's book, Sovereign Love:  A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine & Feminine WithinConnect with Dené on InstagramListen to the Cheaper Than Therapy podcastOrder Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10' Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP. Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we're going to be on a very short two week break starting Sept 17th. When we return on October 1st, we're going to start publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.

Founder and CEO of YourTango, Andrea Miller, joins Dr. Share to share the power of being a lifelong “seeker” of relational wisdom. Andrea has dedicated her life to connecting her audience with relationship experts and celebrating relational wisdom, and today, invites us into her journey of opening herself up to love's lessons.Relevant links:Learn more about YourTangoListen to Dr. Alexandra on Open Relationships: Transforming Together with Andrea MillerRadical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love by Andrea MillerOrder Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.

Loss and grief are universal and profoundly human. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a trauma that drastically shifts the trajectory of a life—each spurs a unique grieving process that can be difficult to navigate for both the people grieving and their support systems. As a chaplain at a Level One Trauma Center in Florida, J.S. Park provides emotional and spiritual care for and comfort to those experiencing grief. His support of patients at the end of their lives, and of the loved ones who remain, adds tremendous impact and compassion to his most recent book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve. In this episode, J.S. shares with Dr. Alexandra what his education and experience have taught him about the “right” things to say and the ways to support grieving loved ones. He offers deeply considered insights into our misguided fear of bringing up the deceased, the impact of loss on the past and the future, and how to care for both a loved one and oneself during the grieving process. Relevant Links:Order J.S.'s book, As Long As You Need: Permission to GrieveConnect J.S. on InstagramOrder Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.

What happens when we listen and are listened to more fully, forging a deeper connection? Decades of research tell us that the brain undergoes physiological changes when we begin to “talk without criticizing, listen without judgment, and connect beyond difference.” This is the definition of dialogue coined by today's guests, Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt and Dr. Harville Hendrix. Doctors Hunt and Hendrix are internationally recognized couples therapists, educators, speakers, and a married couple themselves. Through decades of research, they developed the Imago Relationship Therapy method, which is taught to therapists around the globe. In this episode, they speak with Dr. Alexandra about moving from monologue (turning the conversation to focus on oneself) to dialogue (keeping the conversation focused on the speaker), and how listening and ensuring true understanding of a speaker's meaning has enormous benefits to our relationships and our brains.Relevant Links:Harville and Helen's new book, How To Talk to Anyone About Anything - https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/how-to-talk-with-anyone-about-anything/Learn more about Imago Relationship Therapy - https://harvilleandhelen.com/initiatives/what-is-imago/Explore Safe Conversations, A Methodology for Connecting - https://safeconversations.com/Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.

In this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra shares ten essential skills for couples struggling with routine conflict in their relationship. Offering strategies from her couples therapy practice, Dr. Alexandra provides new language and ways of thinking about arguments that promote empathy and care, shifting couples into a "we" perspective so that they can move through hard times as a team.Relevant links:Listen to Part One of the Conflict seriesAccess the Conflict Skills worksheetCouples therapy directories: Gottman Referral NetworkTherapist.comPsychology TodayDomestic Violence ResourcesOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.Spread the love for SXSW! Vote for Dr. Alexandra's session “Preparing Emerging Adults for Love: The Marriage 101 Course” in the PanelPicker for SXSW EDU 2025.

In this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra shares ten essential skills for couples struggling with routine conflict in their relationship. Offering strategies from her couples therapy practice, Dr. Alexandra provides new language and ways of thinking about arguments that promote empathy and care, shifting couples into a "we" perspective so that they can move through hard times as a team.Relevant links:Access the Conflict Skills worksheetCouples therapy directories: Gottman Referral NetworkTherapist.comPsychology TodayDomestic Violence ResourcesOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Get 31% off Dr. Alexandra's two e-courses and workbook! Visit http://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com and enter code BDAY31 at checkout from now until August 12th.Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.

Family therapy expert Dafna Lender and Dr. Alexandra explore the complexities of the parent-child relationship. With 25 years of experience, Dafna has a deep understanding of how a child's difficult behaviors and a parent's reactivity can clash and land a family into a therapist's office. Dafna explains how to disrupt this cycle by removing blame, exploring the parent's attachment history, and bringing a sense of joy and playfulness back into the relationship.Relevant links:Integrative Attachment Family Therapy: A Clinical Guide to Heal and Strengthen the Parent-Child Relationship by Dafna LenderEngage further with Dafna's work onlineOrder Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Get 31% off Dr. Alexandra's two e-courses and workbook! Visit http://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com and enter code BDAY31 at checkout from now until August 12th.Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.

When it comes to life stages, “midlife” often gets the short end of the stick. We speak about adolescence and retirement as vistas rich with opportunity and possibility while we joke about midlife and its related crises. However, when we adopt an affectionate perspective, opportunity and joy prove to be just as possible in this “messy middle” stage. Many transitions take place over the decades following age 50. These milestones are no less impactful than those we celebrate, such as graduation and marriage, and yet most of us lack rituals to mark these evolutions and help us build communities of support in this time of great potential.Chip Conley was a disruptive force in the hospitality industry for decades. In 2018, he combined his experiences mentoring at Airbnb with his own midlife transition to launch the Modern Elder Academy (MEA). Today, the world's first “midlife wisdom school” offers luxurious, personal growth retreats in Baja California and New Mexico. Chip is also the author of seven books, including his most recent, Learning to Love Midlife.In December 2024, Dr. Alexandra will be at the Santa Fe ranch location of MEA leading a 5-day retreat for couples centered on healing the past, deepening connection, and creating a relational vision for the future. You can attend with your partner or on your own. To learn more about the retreat, Loving You Without Losing Me: A Retreat for Couples, visit the website and schedule a free consultation call with the MEA admissions team.Whether you are approaching midlife, are in the midst of it, or if midlife is in your rearview mirror, Chip's affectionate and curious approach to this often overlooked and undervalued stage will illuminate new outlooks and possibilities for how we lean into life's transitions.Relevant Links:Read Chip's latest book Learning to Love MidlifeLearn more about Chip and get his free Anatomy of a Transition resource on his websiteLearn more about Dr. Alexandra's December 2024 retreat at MEAOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.

Research shows that gender socialization plays out most rigidly in our intimate relationships. How do we learn to separate our thoughts and actions from our socialization? In this episode, podcaster, author, and feminist coach Kara Loewentheil joins Dr. Alexandra for an expansive conversation that confronts the ways in which patriarchy influences our thoughts, beliefs, and actions.Relevant links:Take Back Your Brain: How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head--And How to Get It Out  a New York Times Bestseller by Kara LoewentheilListen to the Unf*ck Your Brain PodcastOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off at https://www.getkion.com/OSLP with the discount code OSLP.

In the second part of the "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" series, Dr. Alexandra continues the conversation about Relational Ambivalence and offers listeners eight things they can do to help them move from stuckness to clarity.Relevant links:Listen to Part One of this seriesGet the Relational Ambivalence worksheet"Should I Stay or Should I Go?" article by Dr. AlexandraE-course for therapists & coaches: “Loving Bravely: Helping Clients who are Single, Dating, and Single Again”Mark Groves Ted TalkBook: Deliberate Practice in Emotion-Focused Therapy (Essentials of Deliberate Practice) by Dr. Rhonda N. GoldmanOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off https://www.getkion.com/OSLP - discount code is OSLP.

On today's episode, Dr. Alexandra explores the complicated question that many of us have faced at some point in our lives: Should I stay in this relationship, or should I leave? If you're unsure of what the wisest path forward is, and you're hoping to proceed with compassion for your partner and yourself, this episode is for you.Relevant links:Get the Relational Ambivalence worksheetOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off https://www.getkion.com/OSLP - discount code is OSLP.

June 24th marks the two-year anniversary of The Supreme Court's decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. Because Reimagining Love is a show devoted to relationships and helping people cultivate relationships founded in empowerment and care, Dr. Alexandra wanted to shine a light on the pervasive and pernicious impacts of the Supreme Court's decision on individuals, couples, and families in the United States. In fact, abortion has become virtually unavailable or significantly restricted in 21 states leaving pregnant people and their loved ones across the country facing the fears and roadblocks in their attempts to access reproductive healthcare. In this episode Dr. Alexandra facilitates a roundtable discussion with two strong voices in the field who help us better understand the mental health and the relational health effects of living in Post-Roe America– and how restriction of access to abortion exacerbates economic and racial inequality. Shefali Luthra is a health policy journalist who recently released her first book, Undue Burden: Life and Death Decisions in Post-Roe America, and Dr. Pooja Lakshmin is a perinatal psychiatrist and the author of Real Self Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness.Shefali and Dr. Pooja's powerful insights will resonate with listeners who have experienced these impacts firsthand as well as those watching the landscape unfold from afar.Relevant Links:Read Undue Burden: Life and Death Decisions in Post-Roe America by Shefali LuthraRead Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals,  Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included) by Dr. Pooja LakshminThe UCSF Turnaway StudyTwo years after Roe's overturn, there are more abortions in America — but they're harder to get by Shefali Luthra on the 19th Connect with Shefali on X or through emailLearn more about Dr. Pooja's work, subscribe to her newsletter, and connect with her on InstagramOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'Try Kion Aminos risk-free for 60-days with a money-back guarantee. Get 20% off https://www.getkion.com/OSLP - discount code is OSLP.

Dr. Ish Major joins Reimagining Love for a frank and honest conversation about modern masculinity and the communication gap across genders. Together, they discuss what is often missing from communication in relationships, what masculinity means in our modern era, and how truth is the antidote to toxic masculinity.Relevant links:Connect with Dr. Ish online and on InstagramWatch Counsel Culture with Nick CannonReimagining Love Episode: “Come Together: Cultivating Sexual Connection in Long-term Relationships with Emily Nagoski”Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'

Dr. Frank Anderson is a world-renowned trauma expert and author who has dedicated his career to teaching therapists how to help patients work through trauma. Now, in his immensely personal memoir, To Be Loved, Dr. Frank shares his own story of overcoming trauma. In this conversation, Dr. Frank weaves his clinical knowledge with personal experiences to shine a light on how when we unburden ourselves from the past, we can stop replicating old stories and access our truest selves.Relevant links:To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation by Dr. Frank AndersonConnect with Dr. Anderson online and on InstagramLearn more about the Trauma Institute and Trauma-Informed Media.The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der KolkOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'

Long-distance relationships are no walk in the park, but that doesn't mean they can't thrive. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra tackles this topic, sharing tools and tips for couples. If you and your partner live in different time zones, are pros at FaceTime dates, and are constantly asking, "when's our next visit?", this episode is for you.Relevant links:Access the Long-Distance Relationships worksheet hereOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener QuestionTake Dr. Alexandra's "Relationship Superpower" Quiz Join Dr. Alexandra's five-day retreat with the Modern Elder Academy — Get 10% off with code 'GF10'

What happens in a marriage when one partner likes to save money and one likes to spend it? According to Dr. Scott Rick's research, when it comes to money, opposites do attract. Dr. Rick joins Dr. Alexandra to explain how our psychology shapes how we handle money and how the choices we make around money impact our relationships.Relevant links:Tightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships by Dr. Scott RickEngage with Dr. Rick's research and connect with him on Instagram and TwitterOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

Celebrity dating coach Damona Hoffman stops by Reimagining Love to deliver sage and practical advice for daters. With decades of experience in online dating, Damona gives Dr. Alexandra an update on the current state of the apps and explains why so many daters are feeling burnt out. Instead of looking for red flags and buying into tired dating myths, Damona believes the key is getting specific about what we want and who we are, so that we can use the apps as a tool instead of a toy.Relevant links:F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story by Damona HoffmanListen to Dates & Mates with Damona HoffmanOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Try First Round's on Me premium with code 'DOCTOR'Listen to Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

[Content warning: this episode contains a brief mention of suicide. If you prefer to not listen to this moment, please skip this week's listener question segment at the end of the episode]Nedra Tawwab returns to Reimagining Love to discuss what can be our most challenging and vulnerable relationships: difficult relationships with our Families of Origin. Nedra offers empowering tools and relational strategies to help us adapt and redefine these relationships; tools to help us acknowledge when our family members have changed and accept when they cannot. Together, Nedra and Dr. Alexandra explore how this theme connects with a wide variety of topics: the tricky dynamics of in-laws, differing perspectives around the past, and how to navigate painful decisions around estrangement.Relevant links:Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships by Nedra Glover TawwabThe Drama Free Workbook: Practical Exercises for Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships by Nedra Glover TawwabListen to Nedra's podcast, You Need to Hear ThisConnect with Nedra online and on InstagramOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question  Try First Round's on Me premium with code 'DOCTOR'Listen to Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra examines a central tension in all relationships: the need for space versus togetherness. If you often find yourself wanting more connection, are you needy? If you typically need more space, are you avoidant? Here, Dr. Alexandra encourages us to ditch the labels and pathology, and instead acknowledge that both space and connection are fundamental needs in an intimate relationship. To help you navigate this, Dr. Alexandra shines a light on the meaning we assign to our orientations around space and shares strategies to help you and your partner create agreements that maximize connection and minimize resentment.Relevant links:Access this episode's companion worksheet hereMating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther PerelReimagining Love Episode: "Let's Talk About 'Sleep Divorces'"Hermeneutic Labor: The Gendered Burden of Interpretation in Intimate Relationships between Women and Men by Ellie AndersonOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Try First Round's on Me premium with code 'DOCTOR'Listen to Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Author Molly Roden Winter joins Reimagining Love to share her story of opening up her marriage as a happily married mother and the hard-earned and profound truths she learned along the way. For Molly, her journey of non-monogamy opened her up to more: more choice and self-discovery, and feeling more than her roles as a mother and wife. Relevant links:More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Roden WinterNew York Magazine's "A Practical Guide to Modern Polyamory"Connect with Molly onlineOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Try First Round's on Me premium with code 'DOCTOR'Listen to Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

What would change if, instead of prioritizing romantic relationships, we made friendships the center of our lives? NPR's Rhaina Cohen joins Reimagining Love to explore the possibilities embedded within that question. In her new book, Rhaina invites us into the worlds of people who've organized their lives around deep friendship and, in doing so, challenge our ideas and assumptions about which relationships should be at the heart of a fulfilling life. Relevant links:The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center by Rhaina CohenListen to "Dear Friend," the song inspired by Rhaina's bookConnect with Rhaina online"Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity, and sexuality" from the Journal of Marriage and FamilyOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Listen to Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath join Reimagining Love to share the story of their relationship—the story that inspired their new book, Liberated Love: Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire. In this conversation, they get vulnerable about how they moved from breaking up to fostering breakthroughs; a journey they nurtured through what they call 'a sacred pause.' In the sacred pause, they identified the patterns that blocked their ability to find authentic love so that they could build a new relationship rooted in safety and interdependence.Relevant links: Liberated Love: Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire by Mark Groves and Kylie McBeathAfter purchasing Liberated Love, access the PDF Workbook and free Meditation Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Listen to Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Throughout her decades as a therapist, Dr. Alexandra has helped many people navigate being "the affair partner." Participating in infidelity creates an intoxicating yet profoundly confusing blend of emotions and experiences. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra examines the psychology of this role and offers a compassionate look into the surrounding context: the thrills, secret benefits, sources of shame, and potential origin stories embedded within this controversial role.Relevant links:"A Great Wagon" by RumiJournal of Sex & Martial Therapy: "Object of Desire Self-Consciousness Theory" by Anthony F. Bogaert and Lori A. Brotto"Taking Sexy Back" by Dr. Alexandra SolomonFacebook Group: Esther Perel Discussion GroupReimagining Love episode: "Guidance for the Newly Single"Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question

In this solo episode, Dr. Alexandra confronts a common roadblock to repair: shame. Often, in the wake of relational harm, feelings of shame secretly run the show, causing you to get combative and defensive or freeze, flee, or fawn in essential moments. Dr. Alexandra provides strategies for moving from shame into action—so that you can make yourself available for repair—and gives tangible tips for how to make a heartfelt and effective apology.Relevant links:Access this episode's companion worksheet hereReimagining Love episode: "Why Can't I Get Over It?"Brené Brown's TED Talk: Listening to ShameBuilding Self-Esteem: How Learning from Shame Helps Us to Grow by Joseph BurgoOrder Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra's NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question