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Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 2 A Quick Execution Plan In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             If my life is a mirror, why does mine have to be one-way with me on the wrong side.     Christina was waiting for me when I came out, minus her servant (classes had just been let out so she hadn't snared one yet), but she'd gained three sidekicks who looked upon me with varying degrees of amusement and contempt. The shortest of them, a sexy brunette with a foxy-like face glared at me with ill-disguised hate, over what I had no idea. "Come on, Zane," Christina said as she handed me her book bag, "time to face judgment." "Face judgment?" I mused. "Are we really going there? I made an honest mistake and besides, isn't forgiveness of sins the prime Christian virtue?" Angry Girl grabbed my arm and yanked but the sad facts of physics and my contrariness kept her from moving me. The girl ground her teeth, on the cusp of rage. "Zane, come," dictated Christina calmly. "Heaven, release him before he starts crying to the liberal media about physical abuse." Heaven? Seriously, who names their daughter Heaven, I thought, then I remembered where I'm standing. I meekly went to Christina's side when Heaven released me, then we started making our way to the Administration Building. My phone went off and I checked the message and had to snicker. It was Iona and apparently the girls are starting to use my time as some sort of currency. "What was that all about?" another sidekick asked. This one was actually friendly. "I'm Chastity," she identified herself. "Hey, Chastity," I grinned back to her. "That was an enterprising freshman who is keeping track of which lady has requested my Handmaiden services, and now I'm apparently being swapped around." "You are a whore," snarled Angry Chick Heaven. "Listen," I shot back, "this is your crazy tradition, not mine. I'm only doing what my upperclassmen are demanding of me. I'm acting like any other incoming freshman. But I have to admit, I haven't actually read the handbook yet." "Let it be, Heaven," advised Christina. "This will all be over in thirty minutes and he'll be gone." On that note, I turned to the last unnamed senior. "So what's your name, if you would be so kind as to tell me?" "Faith," she replied cautiously. I kept grinning. "I swear, if you ladies have a girl named Hope in your close circle of friend we should form an all-girls 80s-style punk rock band. I'll be the manager, constantly clashing with Christina over artistic differences," I rambled on. "You are kind of a nut," Chastity pointed out. "I'm on the verge of the shortest college career in history so I admit to being a bit nervous," I confessed, and surprise of surprises, Chastity placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. Somehow that made Heaven angrier with me, which I didn't think was possible. Before I could delve into the psychoses of Heaven, we arrived at the Chancellor's office. I gave Christina her bag as the girls abandoned me once the secretary ushered me in with a disdainful sniff of her nose. Inside were six women but I only recognized two: Chancellor Doctor Melrose Bazz and Ms. Goodswell, who also happened to be my assigned Spiritual Advisor. "Come in and sit down, Mr. Braxton," commanded Doctor Bazz. Since the only open chair was directly in front of her desk and flanked by the other chairs (so I'd be doubly flanked), I took my seat. "As you must now understand, there has been a horrible error," the Chancellor continued. "To rectify this situation you will withdraw from Freedom Fellowship University effective immediately. Your tuition will, of course, be refunded." She slid some papers in front of me. "I take it everyone knows who I am, ma'am, but who am I in the room with?" I inquired. "Sign the papers," insisted Doctor Bazz. "Can I think about this?" I inquired. "No," she answered. "Are you sure?" I persisted. "Yes," she snapped angrily. "Okay, then, I'm not signing," I decided. Everyone stirred restlessly. "You don't have a choice," one of the unnamed women in the room declared. "Security will hand you over to the Sheriff's Department as we remove you if you don't leave sensibly." "That sounds like a lawsuit," I noted. "You are mistaken, Mr. Braxton," the Chancellor glared. I noticed the unnamed woman farthest from me looked less than convinced; that made her the college's lawyer. "Chancellor, I have a deep respect for you and for the school you so expertly shepherd. I'm not out to embarrass this institution." I tried to relate to all of them. "The problem for you is that at no time in the registration process was I ever asked if I was male," I began my argument. "I entered my first name in as Glenn; your computer system transcribed that over to Glenda. At no time did I attempt to deceive the administration. I also can call forth witnesses from my dorm floor that will testify that I clearly didn't understand this was a woman's institution of higher learning." "You are being highly disruptive to the school and you've already been in one fight in your first four hours of school," another unnamed member announced. "Pardon me, but I don't know who you are," I asked the woman. "Dana Gorman, Head of Security and Dean of Athletics," she snipped. "Coach Dana, I was not aware that anyone was hurt and since I wasn't supplied my Handbook until yesterday afternoon when I went to my dorm room, I had no idea about the Handmaiden's Duty. I did find my roommate pinned to the ground with three girls sitting on her while she screamed and cried. I pushed/kicked them away and picked her up. I acted with charity and compassion," I put my best spin on the case as possible. "Doctor Josephine Sergeant, Dean of Sciences," the other unnamed woman introduced herself. "I'm not sure how I can fit you into my program, Mr. Braxton. The corpses Advanced Biology students work on are all female." "Doctor, I would imagine if I do become a doctor, I will have to work on women from time to time," I countered. "Mr. Braxton, nothing good can come of your intransience. Sign the papers, take the fall off, and find another school more fitting to your nature and gender," the Chancellor spoke. "I'll fight," I replied. We had a still moment, then Ms. Goodswell cleared her throat. "Zane, why do you want to stay?" "Short answer: this school has nine hundred women and one me; what's not to love? Long version: my inheritance is based on me being eighteen and in a college of my Aunt's choosing. It is too late for me to get into another program this year so if I don't fight, I go broke. I have nothing to lose." "Ms. Lane," the Chancellor addressed her lawyer, "is there any reason we can't escort Mr. Braxton to the gates right now?" The attractive young lawyer brushed a stray strand of her lovely light brown hair before responding. "There does seem to be a flaw in the administration software. There is no sexual differentiation key. Medical files were submitted as required and they clearly identify him as being male so there was no indication of evasion on his part, we missed it. FFU can expel him if he doesn't leave of his own accord but he definitely has a lawsuit against us." That gave people food for thought. It took Ms. Goodswell to save the day and I didn't really expect that. "Mr. Braxton, do you promise us to be an exemplary student if we allow you to stay out the semester?" "Of course," I promised. "Well, we can't keep him where he is," insisted Dana, shocked and angry. "We can keep him in his residence hall but place him in the Solarium. We can fix up something for him by tonight, and we have him cleared to use the fifth floor showers as schedules allow," Ms. Goodswell suggested. "The place is a mess," Dana grumbled. "I'll work to make it better as time allows," I volunteered. "Mr. Braxton, wait outside while we discuss this," commanded the Chancellor. I took my cue and left quickly. Christina and clique were sitting patiently waiting for me. She stood and made to leave. "I was told to wait here," I informed her, which brought the whole troop up short. "What are we waiting for?" Christina inquired. "Oh, I have them over a barrel so I insisted they assign one of you to be my bed warmer for the rest of the week. They are debating on which one of you gets the honor," I teased. "You bastard," spat Heaven, getting in my face. "You are a vomitus piece of filth!" "Just for that, you are next," I grinned devilishly at her. "Huh?" she looked far angrier than uncertain, "Next for what?" "Oh, during the upcoming sex orgy I host, you are 'Next'. See," I sighed dramatically, "I'm not likely to remember your name so when I call out 'Next,' I mean you." I had a split second to decide whether I'd duck or not. Training was screaming at me to half-step back while bringing up an arm to block but, Pow! I staggered back to the wall and slumped halfway down to the floor. Heaven kept coming and kicked me twice in the shin before Chastity and Christina pulled her off me. She was still sputtering and growling when the Chancellor's door opened up and Ms. Gorman stepped out and closed it behind her. "What is going on here?" she hissed. "There was a misunderstanding," Christina answered. "Actually, Heaven punched me after I deflected one of her insults," I countered. "Now I have to ponder civil litigation." "What?" Christina asked cautiously. Heaven was less diplomatic or restrained. "You provoked me," she accused me. "Do you know word one about my sexual habits? Could you prove a believable threat to you or someone around you? Barring that, you just committed assault," I informed Heaven. "You are willing to gamble we would betray Heaven to someone like you?" Faith threatened. "No," Dana answered for me. "I have little doubt that Mr. Braxton has noted that all classes and administration rooms have cameras." She seemed bitter about her own security procedures. The rest of the girl posse seemed equally unhappy except for, "Come on," Chastity told me as she offered me a hand up. I took it and quickly was upright once more so that we were chest to chest. "Please don't do this, Zane," she said evenly. Heaven scoffed. "Very well, Chastity, because it was you who requested it, but I do ask for one thing in return," I told her. "Of course he wants something," Heaven snarled sarcastically. "Actually, all I want is five minutes with Heaven," I explained, and when Heaven rolled her eyes and Chastity looked uncomfortable, I added, "no physical contact at all, only sitting down and talking." "She'll do it," Christina agreed. "No!" balked Heaven. "You'll do it or be expelled and face possible jail time," Ms. Gorman stated. "No," it was my turn to say. "I was joking; I won't press charges against Heaven." "She can still be expelled," Dana insisted. "For what?" I asked. Dana looked at me cautiously. "Hell, we were just fooling around; right ladies?" No one said anything because to speak was to court the sin of falsehoods. "Yes," said Christina, taking the plunge; the others nodded. Dana bored me into place with her gaze, weighing her options. "Keep it down out here," she snapped to the room, "especially you young ladies. I expected better from you four." The implication was that my cock exempted me from mature behavior. "Thank you," Chastity told me. "It took the grand total of one word, please," I explained. "I know it must be hard to believe but I'm not a total scumbag." "Are you still going to make me pay for insulting Rio?" Christina mocked. "The week isn't over yet," I pointed out. The resulting silence was interesting. Five minutes later the door opened and the women filed past. The second to last one out was the lawyer, Ms. Lane. "Mr. Braxton, we will have to get together to discuss some of your unique legal issues and liabilities next week," she informed me. "I await you at your leisure, Ms. Lane. Whatever you need, I'll do my best to comply," I smiled. "It will certainly be easier if you are compliant," she smiled back before turning and heading into the hallway, my eyes watching the line on her stockings going from where her skirt's hemline revealed her shapely thighs down her muscular calves to her four-inch heels. "Temptation comes in many forms," Ms. Goodswell said, interrupting me from the distraction of Ms. Lane's luscious posterior, a look that Ms. Lane caught as she smiled and turned out of sight. "In my admittedly limited experience, temptation is a result of dissatisfaction with one's circumstances, not a weakness of character," I offered as an explanation. "As your spiritual counselor, I feel it is my duty to keep you on the straight and narrow," Ms. Goodswell sighed with faux sufferance. "I don't mean to make things hard for you, Ms. Goodswell," I jibbed. "Enough sexual innuendo for the moment, Zane; you've been given an opportunity so don't blow it, don't disappoint me," Ms. Goodswell warned me while stabbing me in the chest with a well-manicured cherry gloss fingernail. I gave her a funny look. "What is it, Mr. Braxton?" she asked. "Oh, it is the fact that you are attempting the impossible, restoring my faith in organized Christianity, I answered while fishing for her name. "Virginia," Ms. Goodswell filled in the void of my unsubtle inquiry. "You are going to be trouble," she said, but her smile belied any worry on her part. "Well, I must get to lunch. I have a deserving Mistress who demands that I spoon-feed her," I told her as I moved to Christina and her cohorts. "Your room, seven o'clock, Zane. We'll be moving you to your new lodgings then," Virginia instructed. I nodded my acknowledgement then headed off to my late lunch. As we crossed campus, we remained relatively quiet until we approached the Dining Hall. "You remain intriguing, Mr. Braxton," Christina allowed. "I am equally drawn to you, you sanctimonious twat," I bantered back, and the girl posse jerked in response. "I hope they house you in a deep, dark hole," snapped Heaven. "I hope they do too," I beamed at Heaven, "and I hope you have the only key." "Why is that?" asked Chastity. "I'd let him starve to death," Heaven grinned viciously. I kept my eyes on Heaven. "Well, if Heaven had the key, she could come down and torture me whenever she wanted," I explained, and when Heaven licked her lips in anticipation, I added, "and she'd look so fetching in nothing but thin strips of black leather, high heels, and a whip in her hand as she scourged the sin out of me again and again, ." I licked my lips sensually at Heaven, "and again." Now all movement stopped; even the normally homicidal Heaven was caught up in the imagery (which she liked) and the other girls were wrapping their minds around the implications of either me on my knees, Heaven in leather, or us together. "You have a very sinful mind," accused Faith. "I have never denied that," I responded. "I'm a flawed creature in need of redemption, I admit that. Thankfully, I've chosen a religion based on forgiveness and second chances, then, eh?" Any further comments were interrupted by a girl running into me, more like almost running over me. "Zane! They didn't transubstantiate you into communion wafers," Rio squealed, showing more womanly affection than I would have given her credit for. Rio didn't do a great job of being 'surprised' when she noticed the girls around me. Heaven glared at Rio and I tried to shift myself between them but Christina intervened before anything happened. "Felon, I am in need of a stool to sit on; I'm tired," Christina said. As she used the word 'felon,' she smirked at me. Rio flinched too. "Wouldn't you rather have me lie on my back so you can sit on my face so I can get you off? That way we could both eat lunch," Rio sneered back. Christina didn't bite. "Make a seat, little felon," Christina smiled. I had a sudden desire to miss lunch. "I've got this, Zane," Rio told me as she touched my upper arm and pushed me toward the door. As I grudgingly walked away, I saw Rio get down on all fours on the grass and Christina take her seat. The best thing I could say about the situation was that Queen Christina didn't bounce up and down. Before I could come up with some rescue strategy, Iona corralled me and led me to the Handmaiden Mistress of the moment; Dove. Dove's food had grown cold and Iona had kept assuring her I was on my way so I set to my latest exercise in humility. Dove expected me to sit with her. I brushed her shoulder-length auburn hair aside and fed her mouthful after mouthful, using a napkin to tantalize her lips after every few bites, which Dove found enticing and the surrounding tables found romantic. I was getting the feeling that the girls were looking at this whole Handmaiden thing differently than I was. At three o'clock I made it to Soccer tryouts, forgetting one little gigantic complication, this was Christina's team. She and the coach decided that since they couldn't outright deny me the chance for a place on the team, they could make me target practice (aka goalie). I blocked eleven shots from established members of the team (they have Soccer/Football in Thailand) but number twelve got past me, I was off the team. At four came Archery tryouts and I was starting to feel the weight of being the true outsider here, and it got worse when I saw our Team Captain was Chastity Adams, aka Chastity of Team Christina. I turned to put my equipment up when Chastity called me over. "What are you doing, Zane?" "I've just finished having Christina use me as a crash test dummy," I admitted. "I figured I'd save us both some time so that you could concentrate your efforts on people who might actually have a chance to be on the team." "Zane, why don't you think I'd give you a chance?" Chastity asked quietly. "Will you give me a chance?" I wondered. "Not if you quit right now," she pointed out. So, I gave it a shot and I leaned that I sucked at archery, but clearly not as bad as most of the other girls so Chastity tapped me as a competitive alternate, which meant I was to carry equipment and practice a lot, the newbie. "Why did you do this, let me on the team?" I inquired after the team announcements. "You aren't half bad," she explained, then smiled and pointed out, "plus you will distract the other all-female teams." "Thanks for the chance, Chastity," I said as I shook her hand. "You are good-looking and funny, Zane, and the other girls will work harder so they can stick around you," she responded while looking at me intently. "Now go, you have another team to try out for." Sometimes I needed to be reminded that there are things a twenty-one-year-old could teach an eighteen-year-old. I barely made it to Karate tryouts (Marksmanship and Orientation were on Tuesdays and Thursdays). I didn't recognize our Team Leader but our coach was Dana Gorman, Head of Security. She eyed me with suspicion but it was nothing compared to the looks I got from the Team Sub-captain. I thought I recognized the face but I definitely recognized her ass and the hair weave, I'd put a foot in it when I kicked her off Rio, yeah me! I told them I knew some kick-boxing but Dana was not impressed so I was placed with the beginners group, which I proceeded to dominate utterly. Ten minutes of that and the Team Captain Wilhelmina Spellman put me in the second tier, where I went undefeated in our little sparing matches yet again. Willie wanted to put me on the first team but the girl whose ass I'd kicked vocally opposed her on it. Willie relented but only partially. After class, the sub-captain would judge my performance and get the final say if I was first-team material. I figured if I ripped out her still-beating heart and showed it to her, I had a fifty-fifty chance of making the squad. We squared off after the last girl left, the sub-Captain didn't want any witnesses. She was more skilled and had more emotional investment but I'd actually been in some real fights and was faster and stronger. As far as matches went, it was pretty intense. We went back and forth with no real advantage until she threw me by grabbing and tearing off my ghee. Before she could capitalize I got in a kick to her gut and when she unfolded, I head-butted her, causing her nose to bleed. I pulled up and she rubbed her nose and looked at the blood. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. Let me go get someone," I urged. "You hurt me," she muttered. "Lord Jesus Christ, you hurt me," she said angrily as I stepped forward. I was so overwhelmed with human compassion I didn't see the kick coming. I was dreaming of running errands to a close village which was something I got away with from time to time. It was a pleasant day if a little cold for daytime in the Thai uplands. The young widow I spent some time with was attending me and I was clearly lying back and enjoying some of our intimate foreplay. Her mouth felt warm and comforting on my little helmet, her tongue didn't twirl like it normally did, but I wasn't in Thailand anymore either. My jaw hurt but that was far less relevant than the pressure of the body I was feeling on my thighs, the warm, wet sensation around my cock, and the feel of hands on my shaft and stomach. I propped myself up and looked down at my crotch were our sub-captain looked up at me while keeping her bobbing rhythm going. "Stop," I ordered her. She reluctantly agreed, her eyes warring with anger, shame, and lust. I imagine she was wondering about what kind of academic hell I was about to bring down on her or if she could get away with crying rape as she pushed herself back and rested on her haunches. "Take off your clothes," I ordered next. That command staggered her but my gaze fixed her in place. "What are you going to do to me?" she said with a shaky voice. "I'm going to reciprocate what you've been doing to me. You gave me a great lesson and I want to return the favor, now strip." She thought about it a moment, then did a quick striptease which brought me to my knees. "What's your name?" I inquired as she finished. "Cappadocia Davis," she murmured as she met me at knee level. I started kissing her, drifting into chest contact and letting our hands roam free for several minutes. Cappy had a very passive-aggressive style and often mirrored what I did, all the signals of a confident virgin. Getting us down head to crotch took little effort as Cappy went back to administering her blowjob and I started working over her own sexual center. She only asked me to hurry once when I was spending time getting to know her thighs with delicate kisses. Though it was a bit rough, Cappadocia worked me furiously with strong hands, plump lips, and a fighter's stamina. On my end, I did all I could. I mapped out the pleasure lines along her thighs, across the groin, and farther along the stomach and sides, passing the breasts to the throat, ears and lips. Cappadocia expected a quick fuck and an equally quick departure. As it was, we missed dinner and I would almost be late for my room meeting. Before then, I explored Cappy fully. I kissed every ebony inch of her, from kneecap to navel; I took gentle tongue strokes to her lips, cunt, and especially the clit while not forgetting a little tantalization of her ass which drove her over the top to an orgasm by itself. Cappy was good enough to take my seed not once, but twice, though the first time she took most of it on her face. I sat there with two fingers stretching her lips apart while my tongue languidly worked on her labia and clitoris. I tickled the clit, sucking it with my lips, then blowing on it coolly. She learned how to swirl with her tongue once my cock was inside her mouth for a stronger sensation. Cappadocia liked a contest and we had the best of kinds; neither side won and a rematch was in order, definitely. "Cappadocia," I began as I was getting my outdoor clothes on, "I don't think I'm ready for first team yet." "Neither do I," she responded after a few moments of thought. "I'd like to keep training for it, though. I'm not going to give up trying, no matter how many private sessions it takes." "I have to agree, Zane. You are not yet ready and it is going to take a whole lot of private lessons to get you into 'first team' shape," she nodded. I left with a sore jaw but thinking good thoughts. I'd made two teams and had a shot at two others, as long as no one shot me or sent me to get lost in the wilds with a false map. The Solarium Why am I Living in a Glass House? I raced across campus to my dorm only to discover a sad looking girl in a short terry cloth robe sitting on the outside steps with a half-full trash bag. She perked up when she saw me. "Zane," she hailed me, "I want you to take out my trash." Okay, that seemed kind of lame to me because the dumpster was thirty feet away so I had to think quickly. "Umm," I looked her over. "Jolene," she provided. "Jolene, this doesn't seem quite fair," I pointed out, and I watched her deflate before me. "See," I said as I took her bag of trash and headed for the dumpster, her tagging along, "maybe I should come by your place tonight around nine thirty and clean up your room for you. Does that sound like a more appropriate Handmaiden's duty?" The little lights went off in her eyes. "Yes," she bobbed her head. "Yes, it sounds, amazing." Without telling me her room number, she skipped off through the doors and went off to do God knows what. I went looking for Iona who, as I guessed, hooked me up with the girl's location. Gliding into my room after that was less satisfying. "You are late, Mr. Braxton," Ms. Goodswell informed me. "Handmaiden's Duty," I countered. "We've moved all your furniture to the Solarium on the top floor," Dana rumbled. Solarium, top floor. Wasn't I on the top floor already? What was I getting into? That wasn't the most important thing at the moment, though. Rio sat on her bed, knees up, hugging a pillow and looking decidedly unhappy at the world. I turned to the two teachers and asked them for a minute with my old roomie. Dana grumbled but Virginia made her give us the space. "What's up, Rio?" I asked as I sat down at the foot of the bed. I knew what was wrong; I was abandoning her and I was not the first guy to do so. The only problem was, I wasn't those other guys. "Nothing's up, asshole," she shot back. "I'm looking forward to not having you snore all night long. Plus, I'll be able to shower whenever I want," she sniffled. "Oh, well, dealing with you has been a total pain in my ass too, Rio. It will be a relief to not have to wake up looking at you, your tattoos and all those body piercings," I stated evenly. "Hey, I don't have any piercings anymore," she pouted, hurt by the comment and its accuracy. "Well, I don't believe you, Rio. Sometime you will have to come up to the Solarium and show me just how wrong I am. I'll leave out a sleeping bag in case your city-bred ass gets lost and you can't figure out how to get back down after dark," I joked. "Zane, if they find you sleeping with a girl, you'll get expelled," Rio whispered. "Thank God you are not a girl, then, ya freak," I grinned so she hit me with her pillow. Rio was sneering at me playfully as I left; we were still friends. Outside my room, I'd picked up an old friend, Barbie Lynn Masters, and with Virginia, Dana, and Iona, we trekked to the fifth floor, then up to the roof. Now, when they were designing this kind of dorm in the nineteen seventies, the architect was on a 'Retro Victorian' kick. He envisioned a safe green haven for the girls to go to where they would be free to partake of nature's bounty without risking pesky urban menaces like rapists, thieves, and murderers. The Christian Elders liked the design so much, they transplanted it to the Virginia countryside. Of course, there aren't a lot of muggers in rural areas so the roof escapes weren't totally necessary or welcome by the student body and when the school built its twelve-foot-tall brick wall with security cameras around the entire facility, the need evaporated. Soon, all the Solariums were abandoned, the plants died, and not all the window panes were replaced. It was a pretty freaking miserable place at first glance and there was some suspicion that this was an indirect way to drive me out. But they clearly had avoided the Developing World and my long experience in it when thinking this through. I loved it. I had roughly eighty percent of the dorm building's floor space to play with. It would be a lot of work to fix it but I had been accidentally supplied with a ready and willing work force. Thank you, freshmen and Handmaiden's Duty, because amongst its other virtues, the Solarium was my room, and a freshman in a dorm room was immune to being summoned for Handmaiden Duty while in any such room unless required by a duty to go there. All I had to do was have Iona get the word out to our fellow freshman that my room was sanctuary and I was set. All that was tomorrow; tonight, I had a cold room with squirrels, maybe a raccoon or two, birds, spiders, roaches, and an assortment of other pests, plus my bed, dresser, and a wardrobe from the drama department. I had also secured the choice time of five forty-five to six as my bathroom time in the morning, and ten to ten-fifteen in the evening. How I would actually piss during the day was swept under the rug. Ms. Goodswell suggested I get a hall pass during class periods for safety's sake. College, hall pass, Did they think I should make up for missing high school? It was lights out in my domicile. The moon was waning and the sky was clear when I heard someone working the lock to my door at the bottom of the stairs. Five people had keys: I was one, Dana Gorman was another, Virginia Goodswell, and Chancellor Bazz were two others, but none of them, I suspected. I spotted the faint moonlight playing across golden locks as my intruder drew close. "Hey," Barbie Lynn whispered as she came to a stop by my bed. "I thought you might get cold so I brought you a quilt from storage." "You are a life-saver, Barbie; I'm freezing in here. Why don't you put the quilt over me and climb in so it will warm up here faster and we can both get to sleep sooner," I responded softly. It was a weak lie but it was really all Barbie needed; it was late summer in Virginia, after all. She spread out the quilt and started to get in. "Wait, you'll get your skirt wrinkled," I cautioned her before she sat down. She nodded and stripped out of it, then completed the process by stripping off her shirt, (no bra), socks, and shoes. As she snuggled up against me, she realized I was naked. "Oh, that doesn't seem fair," Barbie giggled, so she wiggled around under the covers and tossed out her undies. "That's better." I pulled her into my arms and I caught her stealing glances up at me as she pressed her hands against my chest. "We have all night," I assured her, and that earned me a kiss. "Oh, and I have your missing panties in my book bag, courtesy of Rio." I returned her kiss and soon we were wrapped around one another, engrossed in one another's erogenous zones (ear lobes, nipples, lips, and throats) as well as tempting fate with a little penal vaginal contact. After she wrestled me against the headboard and took my member deep into her mouth we had a little session of 'try doing this and watch him squirm' until I finally lost control and erupted several times into her mouth. "Umm, Barbie Lynn murmured as she rolled some semen over her tongue, eyes lighting up as I smiled at her talent. "Jesus bless me, you taste nearly as good as you look. I want more!" "Next time we can swap cum," I suggested to her. Barbie wrinkled her nose. "Doesn't that make you a homo?" she questioned. I forgave her ignorance due to cuteness. "You've tasted your juices on my lips but you are not a lesbian," I pointed out. After a moment she nodded so I continued with, "all I want to do is taste it on your tongue, not someone else's on my tongue." Telling her I'd given more than one blowjob didn't appear to be helpful at this time; I'm decidedly not heterosexual. "Oh, you're pretty smart for someone so young," she smiled seductively. I cupped her face in one hand. "I may be young and smart, but you are far more beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful, than me and one heck of a teacher because you keep me wanting to learn more," I heartily complimented her. I must have struck a chord because Barbie Lynn glowed from the inside out and virtually poured like tanned molten gold into my lap. "Fuck me," she begged with sensual need. "What about your Pledge?" I questioned. "Fuck my ass," she moaned, "it's not really cheating." Yeah, right. "Okay, Barbie Lynn, but teaching you to like it isn't easy. I'm going to have to break you in all night long," I warned her, but all I got was a violent trembling of anticipation which caused her to make my lap damp and my cock rebound to duty. We kissed deeply and with longing for over a minute, Barbie rocking in my lap, her labia brushing my cockhead. "Is it going to hurt?" she panted into my lips. "Yes. The first time you are going to scream, but I promise you I'll show you how good it can be," I assured her. She gulped in fear but smiled with wanton lust in her eyes. I played with her cunt and my cock, doing tiny penetrations until Barbie lost it in a screaming, ear-splitting orgasm, "God loves me, God loves me, God Loves ME!!!!" She followed that up by collapsing against me and burying my face in her ample bosom. I couldn't help myself; I took an overly sensitive nipple into my lips. "Oh, oh, oh, baby, that hurts; that hur, she whispered hoarsely until I relented. That didn't stop her from hugging me tightly to her chest though. "Barbie Lynn, go over to my kit and get the Vaseline," I ordered her after a bit. "Why do I have to do it?" she teased me. "I love to watch your ass wiggle when you leave and the way your bare breasts bounce when you come back," I confessed. Once more she came on with this deep kiss and a winning smile, then she did as I asked and the view was definitely as delicious as I'd hoped. She quickly resumed her position over me, shimmying to the point I was afraid I'd actually press my cock too far into her cunt. Barbie was biting her lip while we played with her virginal fire; I knew I had to do something and that was to pop the top of the lubricant and rub two fingers deep into her back door. "Here we go," I cautioned her, "I'll be slow and gentle. We are taking our time so don't worry about tensing up, I'll deal." She gave me a nod, then went back to tempting fate. I was finding more and more to lust over with Barbie. When my right index finger brushed her pink star, she didn't flinch one bit. She kept her rotation going and I slipped in a finger without much protest or resistance. I let this finger slip in and out for a minute, sinking in deeper every few thrusts. To distract her, I moved my left hand between us and slipped two fingers into her cunt. That, along with the touch of my cock, got her off. Barbie bounced harder so I was forced to put a third finger in the way of my cock penetrating her, plus I pressed the knuckle of my thumb against her clit. For a second Barbie Lynn seemed at a loss of what to do, but one look at my parted lips, panting from the excitement, convinced her to feed one magnificent nipple into my mouth while she played with the other one before my eyes. She teased me so I stuck a second finger up her ass. Barbie bucked and moaned but if she was in any pain, she hid it well. "Do you want to know something?" she struggled to say, hovering over me. I nodded. "It took a grand total of seven minutes for the last two boys I was with to cum all over my tits. I don't know how long we've been going at it but Lord Almighty, I'm so happy I was given this dorm. This is going to be the best year ever." "I'm working on it," I gasped as I twitched and pushed my fingers around. "I'm glad you are my Dorm Mother." "Oh, oh, oh, oh, the other girls are so jealous that I have you," she panted. "They wanted to know what it would take to steal you away." "I hope you understand that I want to stay here with you," I groaned. Barbie Lynn stopped moving for a moment, accepting me and my honest desire. "Put it in," she begged. "It will hurt," I assured her. "I don't care," she looked at me hungrily. I pulled my hand out of her cunt and rolled her to my side while still keeping my other fingers pumping in her ass. Maneuvering around so that I had her head on my pillow and ass sticking up took some thought. I pushed a third finger in quickly. Barbie gasped audibly, pulled away instinctively, then caught herself and pushed back against my hand. She whimpered and choked back a sob. I withdrew my fingers and covered my cock with some hastily scooped glob of Vaseline. Barbie looked back to me in quivering anticipation. Before she spoke I lined my cock up with her anus and started pushing. Barbie Lynn shut her eyes, bit her lower lip and smiled lustfully. "Oh!" she groaned, as I slipped past her anal ring. I knew enough to hesitate before the next push, then the next. "Please," she whimpered. I stopped moving. "Please give me all of it," she completed. "Don't hold back." I pushed harder not waiting for her to adjust. "Ah!" she cried out. I stopped and she responded with a, "No, no, no, Zane, please don't stop." "I don't want to hurt you," I groaned. "It hurts a lot but I like that you are the one doing it to me. Please, I want you inside of me, all the way in," she whimpered. I pushed all the way in steadily until my crotch pushed her scrumptious ass cheeks apart. As I rested for a moment, I felt Barbie Lynn's fingers reach between her legs and start to massage my balls. I pulled back while she moaned loudly, her cries echoing throughout the massive glass covered chamber. Despite the low lamplight around my bed, I realized now that we could be seen from the solariums on the roofs of the other dorms. There wasn't much I could, or would, do about that now. I started a slowly intensifying pace in and out of Barbie's ass and she met me with the thrust of her hips and a sensual moaning from her throat. I could tell she was pushing one set of fingers into her snatch while the other worked over her clit. Once we were in total symmetry I slapped her playfully on one ass cheek. "Oh, God, Zane, do it again. I've been bad," was Barbie's lusty declaration. I smacked down across the other cheek. "Harder, Zane, I've been really bad." Another spank and, "I've been much worse than that," she panted. SMACK! and a yelp. "That's it!" she gasped. I kept up the spanking and each blow made her anal muscles contract, virtually grabbing and twisting my cock inside her. "Ah, Jesus Loves Me!!!!" Barbie Lynn squealed as her strongest orgasm to date overwhelmed her and then me. I'd never felt that kind of empathy with another lover like I was feeling with this blonde enchantress. Barbie bucked up against me, slamming her ass against my crotch with painful ferocity as my seed plunged into the depths of her bowels. Barbie Lynn, now virtually sitting in my lap, crested orgasm after orgasm as the heat of each burst of my semen burned new pathways of ecstasy inside her rectum. "Oh, oh, oh, oh," she stammered as her fluids flowed down our legs in a slow steady stream. "Please, Zane , " "Yes?" I panted. "Promise me, promise me we'll do this again," she gasped as she now pressed her sweat-slick back against my upper body. "Again," I thrust into her, "and again, and again," I promised. Barbie Lynn put one hand around to the back of my neck and the other, leaning forward. She drew me into her and we slowly arched forward until the weight of our bodies tumbled us to the bed. Barbie's outstretched arm touched the mattress first and absorbed most of our momentum. Still, I ended up pressing on her and I soon propped myself up so my weight wouldn't suffocate her. As I stationed myself there, panting along with her from our mutual exhaustion, Barbie rolled over so that we were once more face to face. She had this beatific happiness about her that I doubt I'll ever forget. "I, I was afraid I'd regret this, and you," she grinned lazily. "Do you?" I questioned. "Yes. I regret I didn't take you back to my room and do this yesterday. I regret that we have to go to early classes tomorrow. I regret having to share you with nine hundred other women. And I regret you weren't here with me two years ago," she murmured heartily. "I'm going to sit here and bask in my over-stuffed sense of accomplishment," I faux-gloated. "You do a guy's ego good." "Speaking of over-stuffed, can I please, please have one more, please?" she begged playfully. "You are my Dorm Mother and I really should try to keep you happy, so, I related with feigned reluctance. "That's right," she giggled, "you really need to keep me happy. Please show me how you plan to do that." After another serious exploration of our sexuality, Barbie Lynn curled up against my chest, making this deep cat-like rumbling noise. "Do you always talk to Christina over breakfast?" I inquired. "Yes, I always do. If she asks about you, I, I'm going to tell her the truth," she answered. I didn't ask what that would be so she did. "Aren't you worried about what I will say?" "No. I trust you, Barbie. You'll tell her what you need to tell her; truth, lie, or evasion, it is all your business, not mine," I explained. "Well, I'm going to tell her in every minute detail what you did with, to, and for me tonight, and I promise you she's going to race back and change her panties," she sighed happily. From a morning shower to a Heavenly night. Sharing Umbrellas Tuesday: My schedule which the Chancellor had been set in stone, had me in sole custody of the fifth-floor bathroom from five forty-five until six, so I was grateful that only six girls were waiting for me when I arrived. At some level I was sure they expected me to say something and I was pretty sure they hadn't really articulated what they wanted. I said nothing and edged past them. The bravest one, Opal, followed quickly after me, though I had that special moment of taking off my robe in front of her as I readied for my shower. Somehow the blood of Homer's Amazons had entered this school's student body because Opal met my bluff with her buff (body) and crawled under her own water stream once the water was steamy. As I started washing my hair, I caught sight of another girl moving in on my far side. I did my best to remain nonchalant and managed to get my hair clean before they made their move. "Zane," Opal asked innocently, "would you wash my back?" I smiled, nodded, and took the bottle of liquid soap from her hands. I poured some into my palms before placing the bottle on the closest shelf. I started rubbing it onto her shoulders and down her back. The placement of our bodies was complicated by my emergent erection. I worked my way down her back until I touched, then parted and cupped, her ass. I pressed my body against her back with my cock taking a few moments decide on whether it would go up, in, or in between. Finally it slipped up until my cock rested warmly on her back. Opal was totally overtaken by events and simply stood there as I slowly rubbed my body up and down against her back. She looked over her shoulder speculatively as I reached past her for more liquid soap and poured some into my hand. Bottle put aside, I shared the soap with the off-hand before starting to rub down the front of her shoulders. "Put your hands behind your back," I whispered into Opal's ear. She was initially hesitant, then started putting them behind her back where she brushed against my cock, and again before she wrapped her hands around it and began slowly stroking it with a soapy grip. While she was working on my morning wood I made slow circles down to her breasts. Her nipples came alive under my fingertips. I first coaxed them, then plucked them, and finally pinched them tightly as I handled the rest of her breasts roughly. Opal began panting, moaning, and undulating her whole body against mine. I couldn't stop myself from kissing her on the crux of her jaw and neck. "Oh, Oh, Oh, Opal began to gasp. I felt her body start to tremble under my touch so I hunted for that most sensitive place with my tongue and bit into that spot on her neck sharply. Opal slammed hard into me, bouncing up and down on her toes like some sudsy, hot vibrator against my cock, if only I had the time. "Ah, she sobbed in joy. Even after the orgasm settled, Opal kept gyrating against me. "This wasn't what I had in mind," Opal moaned. Whoops! "My apology," I told her, and started separating from her, but she held firm. "Oh, no, you don't. Maybe you misunderstood me. This was more, much more than I expected. I'm glad you are superior to your hype. Can we do this tomorrow morning?" "Hmm, how about we see what comes up then?" I evaded. As I backed away, the girl on the other side held out her soap bottle expectantly. "Sorry, but I need to get out of here before girls, other girls show up," I explained to her. "Brigit; my name is Brigit," she filled me in. "Can we do, that, tomorrow?" By 'that,' I assume she meant my version of the soapy body rub. "Okay," I said, "how about calling Iona and figuring out how you ladies want to handle my shower visits, though I would like to point out the Administration believes I'm in here alone." "Do you want us to stay away?" Opal asked cautiously. "Opal, Brigit, I would rather go through life minus one testicle than miss spending time with any of you ladies but I don't want anyone unwittingly getting into trouble because of me," I answered. "Since you need to be going," Opal teased, "let me help." "I'll help too," Brigit insisted. I'm going to be a while deciding exactly how I rate being shaved by one girl while getting a blowjob from another at the same time. My facial expression caused Rio to laugh at me as I came back down to answer the door. It was around six thirty and I had only recently gotten back and put my school uniform on. "Either you've been hit by the world's softest two by four or you've already had sex at least once this morning," she chuckled. "Hey, Rio, Iona, come on in. It isn't like I could stop you," I joked. "So, did you take her temperature, kick up her heels, or give her an attitude adjustment?" Rio teased as we headed up. Iona looked confused and expected me to be either equally confused or give her an explanation. I was confused, which made Rio laugh louder. "Taking her temperature equals blowjob; kicking up the heels is straight-up fucking, and attitude adjustment is anal sex, jeesh, people," Rio berated us. Once we came to my island of civilization in the wilderness of the Solarium, Iona looked around curiously; this may have been the first men's bedroom she'd ever seen. Rio walked over to my bed, was about to plop down in it, then studied it for a second and gawked at me. "Damn, Zane, what happened last night? How many girls did you have up here?" she grinned maniacally. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "One," I admitted. "How did you know?" "Peach lip gloss and teeth marks on the pillow, several sets, so, You Go Boy!" she explained. "Plus, your bed smells of Vaseline, baby oil, sweat, Secret deodorant, and a good deal of fuck juice, the female variety. Then there is the matter of, she drew forth a long blonde hair, "you not being blonde." "This was not on the list!" squawked Iona. "Lip gloss, teeth marks?" "That means he fucked her ass long and hard, Iona," Rio explained to her far less experienced classmate, "and she came back for more, and more." Iona stole a look my way, hoping I'd deny everything, but I made eye contact with her and nodded. She looked disappointed in me, which oddly made me feel bad inside. "Snap out of it, Iona," Rio snorted. Iona still looked hurt. "What is more likely, Zane went trolling the lower levels for a girl to sex up, or a girl snuck up here and jumped him in his bed?" "Oh," Iona gasped, now more pleased. Apparently, me being nearly raped in my own bed was okay with her. From my point of view, I can try to understand women or I can appreciate them for what they willingly offer me. If a woman wants me to treat her like a Sphinx, I'll leap at the challenge. One day I'm sure I'll find a woman not worth this kind of effort but I'm not there yet. I had finished getting dressed and was making toward the stairs when the door at the bottom opened and Barbie Lynn came bounding up. She took in my two companions without missing her stride before bouncing up to me. "Hey, Zane," she purred. "I wanted to make sure you hadn't overslept." "Thanks, I appreciate the concern, but I slept great last night. Waking up feeling that good is always a pleasure. How did you sleep?" I responded. "I tossed and turned," she pouted. "I was missing something I couldn't put my hands on. If I can't figure out what that is I'll be up pacing the halls well past midnight tonight." Rio stepped behind Barbie and made a gagging motion. "So, Barbie Lynn," Rio requested, "do you have any lip gloss I could use?" Barbie turned around and pulled a micro-jar that she handed to Rio. "Umm, peach flavored," Rio revealed vindictively. At some point I am sure Rio will show restraint; my challenge now is living long enough to see it. Rio spanked Barbie Lynn hard on the ass and the Dorm Mother yelped in surprise and pain. "Ow," gasped Barbie Lynn, glaring at Rio. I moved an arm around Barbie and pulled her close, a gesture she comfortably molded into. "I'm sorry," Rio snickered, "but you have such a wonderful posterior BLT, I know it is a sin if no one appreciates it." "BLT?" I cautioned Rio, and by that I intoned that the next spanking was likely going to be administered to her by me. "Barbie Lynn Tease," Rio grinned, daring me to step up. As I handed my book bag to Iona, Rio squealed in delight and raced down the stairs. I was right behind her and I would have undoubtedly caught and punished her on the fifth floor if not for one thing. "Zane, I'm here for your breakfast duty," a sophomore I was to learn was named Emanuela commanded, Handmaiden's Duty. Technically she should wait until I was outside, but, eh. They nailed Rio seconds before she could turn and gloat at me. "Front or back?" I politely requested of Emanuela, who was thankfully on my schedule. "Front or back?" she wondered. "Do you want me to carry you like this?" I asked, as I swept her up in my arms. She was light enough, including book bag, for me to make it to the Dining Hall without too much effort. "What is back?" she gasped. "Piggyback," I explained. "Oh. I like this way much better," she informed me. I started making my way through the crowd when I caught sight of Barbie Lynn and Iona coming down the stairs. Seeing my situation, Barbie put an arm around Iona and whispered something to her. Iona was already carrying my books and I had the feeling that Barbie knew I liked Iona so she was going to look after the small freshman for me. Breakfast came and went and I found myself cornered and 'forced' to escort another girl to Assembly. She asked me if I'd prefer being covered with whipped cream or honey. I reminded her that whipped cream was cold but honey left a sticky residue, I suggested trying icing. At Assembly, the heavens broke and a hard rain set in as we got ready to disperse. The problem came when it was realized that many girls hadn't packed an umbrella. The answer for most was to take an umbrella from a freshman, which I found unsatisfactory. I had a sudden burst of insight as the first freshmen girls paled at the thought of being soaked through to the bone. I grabbed Iona and then made a beeline for Christina. None of what followed would have been possible without the understanding of a girl I didn't know, Pandora Jaspers. Her plan was for me to take my umbrella and cover us both as we went to class, but when I told her 'I have a plan,' she nodded and went along for the ride. Certainly we were a strange group that approached Christina Buchanan. "Yes?" questioned Christina with her bemused expression as I came to a halt before her and her court. Chastity smiled, Heaven seethed, Faith looked uncertain, and the fifth girl was a cipher. "I think I can do something about this rain," I said urgently. Christina didn't laugh but I had a feeling Pandora wanted to strangle me. "Go on," Christina commanded. "We make a covered walkway of umbrellas, held by freshmen, to protect everyone go

Good evening and a huge welcome back to the show, I hope you've had a great day and you're ready to kick back and relax with another episode of Brett's old time radio show. Hello, I'm Brett your host for this evening and welcome to my home in beautiful Lyme Bay where it's lovely December night. I hope it's just as nice where you are. You'll find all of my links at www.linktr.ee/brettsoldtimeradioshow A huge thankyou for joining me once again for our regular late night visit to those dusty studio archives of Old Time radio shows right here at my home in the united kingdom. Don't forget I have an instagram page and youtube channel both called brett's old time radio show and I'd love it if you could follow me. Feel free to send me some feedback on this and the other shows if you get a moment, brett@tourdate.co.uk #sleep #insomnia #relax #chill #night #nighttime #bed #bedtime #oldtimeradio #drama #comedy #radio #talkradio #hancock #tonyhancock #hancockshalfhour #sherlock #sherlockholmes #radiodrama #popular #viral #viralpodcast #podcast #podcasting #podcasts #podtok #podcastclip #podcastclips #podcasttrailer #podcastteaser #newpodcastepisode #newpodcast #videopodcast #upcomingpodcast #audiogram #audiograms #truecrimepodcast #historypodcast #truecrime #podcaster #viral #popular #viralpodcast #number1 #instagram #youtube #facebook #johnnydollar #crime #fiction #unwind #devon #texas #texasranger #beer #seaton #seaside  #smuggler #colyton #devon #seaton #beer #branscombe #lymebay #lymeregis #brett #brettorchard #orchard #greatdetectives #greatdetectivesofoldtimeradio #detectives #johnnydollar #thesaint #steptoe #texasrangers     Dad's Army   Dad's Army is a British television sitcom about the United Kingdom's Home Guard during the Second World War. It was written by Jimmy Perry and David Croft, and originally broadcast on BBC1 from 31 July 1968 to 13 November 1977. It ran for nine series and 80 episodes in total; a feature film released in 1971, a stage show and a radio version based on the television scripts were also produced. The series regularly gained audiences of 18 million viewers and is still shown internationally. The Home Guard consisted of local volunteers otherwise ineligible for military service, either because of age (hence the title Dad's Army), medical reasons or by being in professions exempt from conscription. Most of the platoon members in Dad's Army are over military age and the series stars several older British actors, including Arnold Ridley, John Laurie, Arthur Lowe and John Le Mesurier. Younger members of the cast included Ian Lavender, Clive Dunn (who, despite being one of the younger cast members, played the oldest guardsman, Lance Corporal Jones) and James Beck (who died suddenly during production of the sixth series in 1973). Other regular cast members included Frank Williams as the vicar, Edward Sinclair as the verger, and Bill Pertwee as the chief ARP warden. The series has influenced British popular culture, with its catchphrases and characters being widely known. The Radio Times magazine listed Captain Mainwaring's "You stupid boy!" among the 25 greatest put-downs on TV. A 2001 Channel 4 poll ranked Captain Mainwaring 21st on its list of the 100 Greatest TV Characters. In 2004, Dad's Army came fourth in a BBC poll to find Britain's Best Sitcom. It was placed 13th in a list of the 100 Greatest British Television Programmes, drawn up by the British Film Institute in 2000, and voted for by industry professionals. A second feature film of Dad's Army with a different cast was released in 2016. In 2019, UKTV recreated three missing episodes for broadcast in August that year on its Gold channel under the title Dad's Army: The Lost Episodes. It starred Kevin McNally and Robert Bathurst as Captain Mainwaring and Sergeant Wilson. Origins Co-writers David Croft and Jimmy Perry during a Dad's Army event at Bressingham Steam Museum, May 2011 Originally intended to be called The Fighting Tigers, Dad's Army was based partly on co-writer and creator Jimmy Perry's experiences in the Local Defence Volunteers (LDV, later known as the Home Guard) and highlighted a somewhat forgotten aspect of defence during the Second World War. Perry was only 16 when he joined the 10th Hertfordshire Battalion. His mother did not like him being out at night, and feared he might catch a cold; he partly resembled the character of Private Pike. An elderly lance corporal in the 10th Hertfordshire often referred to fighting under Kitchener against the "Fuzzy Wuzzies" (Hadendoa), and was the model for Lance Corporal Jones. Other influences included the work of comedians such as Will Hay, whose film Oh, Mr Porter! featured a pompous ass, an old man and a young man; together, this gave Perry the ideas for Mainwaring, Godfrey and Pike. Film historian Jeffrey Richards has cited Lancastrian comedian Robb Wilton as a key influence; Wilton portrayed a work-shy husband who joined the Home Guard in numerous comic sketches during World War II. Perry wrote the first script and sent it to David Croft while working as a minor actor in the Croft-produced sitcom Hugh and I, originally intending the role of the spiv, later called Walker, to be his own. Croft was impressed and sent the script to Michael Mills, the BBC's head of comedy, and the series was commissioned. In his book Dad's Army: The Story of a Classic Television Show, Graham McCann explains that the show owes much to Michael Mills. It was he who renamed the show Dad's Army. He did not like Brightsea-on-Sea, so the location was changed to Walmington-on-Sea. He was happy with the names for the characters Mainwaring, Godfrey and Pike, but not with other names, and he made suggestions: Private Jim Duck became James Frazer, Joe Fish became Joe Walker and Jim Jones became Jack Jones. He also suggested adding a Scot. Jimmy Perry had produced the original idea, but needed a more experienced partner to see it through, so Mills suggested David Croft and this launched the beginning of their professional association. When an episode was screened to members of the public to gauge audience reaction prior to broadcast of the first series, the majority of the audience thought it was very poor. The production team put the report containing the negative comments at the bottom of David Croft's in-tray. He only saw it several months later,[16] after the series had been broadcast and received a positive response. Situation The series is set in the fictional seaside town of Walmington-on-Sea, located on the south coast of England, not far from Eastbourne. The exterior scenes were mostly filmed in and around the Stanford Training Area (STANTA), near Thetford, Norfolk.[19] Walmington, and its Home Guard platoon, would be on the frontline in the event of a German invasion across the English Channel. The first series has a loose narrative thread, with Captain Mainwaring's platoon being formed and equipped, initially with wooden guns and LDV armbands, later on with full army uniforms; the platoon is part of the Queen's Own Royal West Kent Regiment. The first episode, "The Man and the Hour", begins with a scene set in the then-present day of 1968, in which Mainwaring addresses his old platoon as part of the contemporary '"I'm Backing Britain" campaign. The prologue opening was a condition imposed after initial concerns from Paul Fox, the BBC1 controller, that it belittled the efforts of the Home Guard. After Mainwaring relates how he had backed Britain in 1940, the episode proper begins; Dad's Army is thus told in flashback, although the final episode does not return to 1968. Later episodes are largely self-contained, albeit referring to previous events and with additional character development. As the comedy in many ways relies on the platoon's lack of participation in the Second World War, opposition to their activities must come from another quarter, and this is generally provided by Chief Air Raid Precautions (ARP) Warden Hodges, and sometimes by the verger of the local church (St Aldhelm's) or by Captain Square and the neighbouring Eastgate Home Guard platoon. The group, however, does have some encounters related to the enemy, such as downed German planes, a Luftwaffe pilot who parachutes into the town's clock tower, a U-boat crew and discarded parachutes that may have been German; a Viennese ornithologist appears in "Man Hunt" and an IRA suspect appears in "Absent Friends". The humour ranges from the subtle (especially the class-reversed relationship between grammar school-educated Mainwaring, the local bank manager, and public school-educated Wilson, his deputy at the bank) to the slapstick (the antics of the elderly Jones being a prime example). Jones had several catchphrases, including "Don't panic!" (while panicking himself), "They don't like it up 'em!", "Permission to speak, sir?", "Handy-hock!" and his tales about the "Fuzzy-Wuzzies". Mainwaring's catchphrase to Pike is "You stupid boy", which he uses in many episodes. Other cast members used catchphrases, including Sergeant Wilson, who regularly asked, "Do you think that's wise, sir?" when Captain Mainwaring made a suggestion. The early series occasionally included darker humour, reflecting that, especially early in the war, the Home Guard was woefully under-equipped but was still willing to resist the Wehrmacht. For instance, in the episode "The Battle of Godfrey's Cottage", the platoon believes the enemy has invaded Britain. Mainwaring, Godfrey, Frazer and Jones (along with Godfrey's sisters, who are completely unaware of the invasion) decide to stay at the cottage to delay the German advance, buying the regular army time to arrive with reinforcements; "It'll probably be the end of us, but we're ready for that, aren't we, men?" says Mainwaring. "Of course," replies Frazer. Characters Private Pike (Ian Lavender) ARP Warden Hodges (Bill Pertwee) Private Frazer (John Laurie) Private Godfrey (Arnold Ridley) Captain Mainwaring (Arthur Lowe) Private Walker (James Beck) Lance Corporal Jones (Clive Dunn) Sergeant Wilson (John Le Mesurier) Main characters Captain George Mainwaring  (Arthur Lowe), the pompous, if essentially brave and unerringly patriotic local bank manager. Mainwaring appointed himself leader of his town's contingent of Local Defence Volunteers. He had been a lieutenant in the First World War but is embarrassed by the fact that he never saw combat, only being sent to France in 1919 after the Armistice as part of the Army of Occupation in Germany. The character, along with Wilson, also appeared in the original pilot episode of the radio series It Sticks Out Half a Mile. Sergeant Arthur Wilson (John Le Mesurier), a diffident, upper-middle-class chief bank clerk who often quietly questions Mainwaring's judgement ("Do you think that's wise, sir?"). Wilson had actually served as a captain during the First World War, but he only reveals this in the final episode. He does not live with the Pike family, but is implied to be in a relationship with the widowed Mrs Pike. Wilson also appears in the later radio series It Sticks Out Half a Mile. Lance Corporal Jack Jones (Clive Dunn), the local butcher, born in 1870. Jones is an old campaigner who enlisted as a drummer boy at the age of 14 and participated, as a boy soldier, in the Gordon Relief Expedition of 1884–85 and, as an adult, in Kitchener's campaign in the Sudan in 1896–98. Jones also served during the Boer War and the Great War. He often suffers from the effects of malaria caught during one of his campaigns and has to be calmed during his "shudders". Often seen as fastidious and a worrier, he has a number of catchphrases, including "They don't like it up 'em!" and "Don't panic, don't panic!", which he says whilst panicking. Dunn was considerably younger than his character, being only 46 when the series began. This meant he often performed the physical comedy of the show, which some of the older cast members were no longer capable of. Private James Frazer (John Laurie), a dour Scottish former chief petty officer on HMS Defiant in the Royal Navy. He served at the Battle of Jutland as a ship's cook and also has a medal for having served on Shackleton's Antarctic expedition. He grew up on the Isle of Barra and is prone to theatrical poetry. In episode one, he states that he owns a philately shop, but subsequently his profession is changed to an undertaker. His catchphrase is "We're doomed. Doomed!" Private Joe Walker (James Beck), a black market spiv, Walker is one of only two able-bodied men of military age among the main characters (the other one being Private Pike). In the first episode, Walker claims he was not called up to the regular army because he was in a reserved occupation as a wholesale supplier. In one of the missing episodes, it is revealed that he was not called up because of an allergy to corned beef. Although always on the lookout to make money, Walker is also seen to support local charities, including a children's home. Following James Beck's death in 1973, Walker was written out of the series. Private Charles Godfrey (Arnold Ridley), a retired shop assistant who had worked at the Army & Navy store in London. He lives in Walmington with his elderly sisters and serves as the platoon's medical orderly. He has a weak bladder and often needs to "be excused". A conscientious objector during the First World War, he was nevertheless awarded the Military Medal for heroic actions as a combat medic during the Battle of the Somme. He also demonstrates bravery during his Home Guard service, particularly during the "Branded" episode in which Mainwaring, unconscious in a smoke-filled room, is rescued by Godfrey. Private Frank Pike (Ian Lavender), the youngest of the platoon. He is a cosseted, somewhat immature mother's boy, often wearing a thick scarf over his uniform to prevent illness and a frequent target for Mainwaring's derision ("You stupid boy!"). Pike is not called up to the regular army due to his rare blood group (in series eight, he is excused for this reason). He works in his day job as an assistant bank clerk for Mainwaring. He frequently addresses Sergeant Wilson as "Uncle Arthur". However, on the last day of filming, David Croft confirmed to Lavender that Wilson was in fact Pike's father. Pike would later appear in the radio series It Sticks Out Half a Mile. Supporting characters Chief ARP Warden William Hodges (Bill Pertwee), the platoon's major rival and nemesis. He calls Mainwaring "Napoleon". Mainwaring looks down on him as the local greengrocer and dislikes that Hodges saw active service in the First World War. As an Air Raid Precautions (ARP) warden, he is always demanding that people "Put that light out!". He often calls the platoon "Ruddy hooligans!". The character of Hodges would later appear in the radio series It Sticks Out Half a Mile. Reverend Timothy Farthing (Frank Williams), the effete, petulant vicar of St Aldhelm's Church. He reluctantly shares his church hall and office with the platoon. In several episodes of the series, it was implied that the character was a non-active closet gay. Maurice Yeatman (Edward Sinclair), the verger at St Aldhelm's Church and Scoutmaster of the local Sea Scout troop. He is often hostile to the platoon while frequently sycophantic towards the vicar, who often struggles to tolerate him and frequently employs the catchphrase "Oh do be quiet, Mr Yeatman!". He often sides with Hodges to undermine the platoon's activities. Mrs Mavis Pike (Janet Davies), Pike's overbearing widowed mother, who is often implied to be in a relationship with Sergeant Wilson. Liz Frazer replaced Janet Davies in the 1971 film version. Mrs Fox (Pamela Cundell), a glamorous widow. There is a mutual attraction with Corporal Jones and the couple marry in the last episode. Illicit little "extras" are passed across the counter on her regular visits to Jones's butcher's shop and she helps the platoon with official functions. In the episode "Mum's Army", she gives her first name as Marcia, but by the final episode she is addressed as Mildred. Colonel Pritchard (Robert Raglan), Captain Mainwaring's superior officer. A stern, serious man, he unexpectedly appeared to admire Mainwaring, frequently commenting on his successes and warning people not to underestimate him. Private Sponge (Colin Bean), a sheep farmer. He leads the members of the platoon's second section (the first section being led by Corporal Jones) and thus had only occasional speaking parts, although he became more prominent in later series. He appeared in 76 of the 80 episodes. Mr Claude Gordon (Eric Longworth), the Walmington town clerk often involved when the platoon is taking part in local parades and displays. Although generally civil with Captain Mainwaring and his men, he is an officious and somewhat pompous individual, and Hodges tends to use him to try and interfere with the platoon's activities. Private Cheeseman (Talfryn Thomas), a Welshman who works for the town newspaper. He joined the Walmington-on-Sea platoon during the seventh series only after the sudden death of James Beck, who played Private Walker. Captain Square (Geoffrey Lumsden), the pompous commanding officer of the rival Eastgate platoon, and a former regular soldier who served with Lawrence of Arabia during the First World War. He is frequently at loggerheads with Mainwaring (whose name he persists in mispronouncing as spelt, "Main-wearing", instead of the correct "Mannering") and has the catchphrase "You blithering idiot!". Mrs Yeatman (Olive Mercer), the somewhat tyrannical wife of Maurice Yeatman, the verger. Over the course of the series, her first name is given as either Beryl, Anthea or Tracey. Mr Sidney Bluett (Harold Bennett), an elderly local man who is occasionally involved with the antics of both the platoon and Hodges. He and Mrs Yeatman are implied to be having an affair. Miss Janet King (Caroline Dowdeswell), a clerk at Swallow Bank who works with Mainwaring, Wilson and Pike in the first series. Edith Parish (Wendy Richard), also called Shirley, a cinema usherette and girlfriend of Private Walker. Dolly (Amy Dalby and Joan Cooper) and Cissy Godfrey (Nan Braunton and Kathleen Saintsbury), Private Godfrey's spinster sisters, who reside with him at their cottage. Elizabeth Mainwaring (unseen character), George Mainwaring's reclusive, paranoid and domineering wife who is never seen onscreen in the TV series. (In the episode "A Soldier's Farewell" her "shape" is seen sleeping in the bunk above the captain while in their Anderson Shelter.) Her marriage to George is not a happy one and he does his best to avoid her at any opportunity. They have no children. Mrs Mainwaring had a significant on screen role in the 2016 film. Other actors who appeared in small roles include Timothy Carlton, Don Estelle, Nigel Hawthorne, Geoffrey Hughes, Michael Knowles, John Ringham, Fulton Mackay, Anthony Sagar, Anthony Sharp, Carmen Silvera and Barbara Windsor. Larry Martyn appeared as an unnamed private in four episodes, and later took over the part of Walker in the radio series following the death of James Beck. The former cricketer Fred Trueman appeared in "The Test". Opening and closing credits The show's opening titles were originally intended to feature footage of refugees and Nazi troops, to illustrate the threat faced by the Home Guard. Despite opposition from the BBC's head of comedy Michael Mills, Paul Fox, the controller of BBC1, ordered that these be removed on the grounds that they were offensive. The replacement titles featured the animated sequence of swastika-headed arrows approaching Britain.[25] Originally in black and white, the opening titles were updated twice; firstly in series three, adding colour and improved animation, and once again in series six, which made further improvements to the animation. There were two different versions of the closing credits used in the show. The first version, used in series one and two, simply showed footage of the main cast superimposed over a still photograph, with the crew credits rolling over a black background. The better-known closing credits, introduced in series three, were a homage to the end credits of The Way Ahead (1944), a film which had covered the training of a platoon during the Second World War. In both instances, each character is shown as they walk across a smoke-filled battlefield. One of the actors in Dad's Army, John Laurie, also appeared in that film, and his performance in the end credits of The Way Ahead appears to be copied in the sitcom. Coincidentally, the film's lead character (played by David Niven) is named Lieutenant Jim Perry. Following this sequence, the end credits roll, and the platoon is shown in a wide angle shot as, armed, they run towards the camera, while bombs explode behind them. As the credits come to an end, the platoon run past the camera and the all clear siren rings, before the screen fades to black. Music The show's theme tune, "Who Do You Think You Are Kidding, Mr Hitler?" was Jimmy Perry's idea, written especially for the show and intended as a gentle pastiche of wartime songs. The other songs were authentic 1940s music recordings. Perry wrote the lyrics and composed the music with Derek Taverner. Perry persuaded one of his childhood idols, wartime entertainer Bud Flanagan, to sing the theme for 100 guineas (equivalent to £2,400 in 2023). Flanagan died less than a year after the recording. At the time it was widely believed to be a wartime song. The music over the opening credits was recorded at Riverside Studios, Flanagan being accompanied by the Orchestra of the Band of the Coldstream Guards. The version played over the opening credits differs slightly from the full version recorded by Flanagan; an edit removes, for timing reasons, two lines of lyric with the "middle eight" tune: "So watch out Mr Hitler, you have met your match in us/If you think you can crush us, we're afraid you've missed the bus." (The latter lyric is a reference to a speech by Neville Chamberlain.) Bud Flanagan's full version appears as an Easter egg on the first series DVD release and on the authorised soundtrack CD issued by CD41. Arthur Lowe also recorded a full version of the theme. The closing credits feature an instrumental march version of the song played by the Band of the Coldstream Guards conducted by Captain (later Lieutenant Colonel) Trevor L. Sharpe, ending with the air-raid warning siren sounding all-clear. It is accompanied by a style of credits that became a trademark of David Croft: the caption "You have been watching", followed by vignettes of the main cast. The series also contains genuine wartime and period songs between scenes, usually brief quotations that have some reference to the theme of the episode or the scene. Many appear on the CD soundtrack issued by CD41, being the same versions used in the series. Episodes List of Dad's Army episodes The television programme lasted nine series and was broadcast over nine years, with 80 episodes in total, including three Christmas specials and an hour-long special. At its peak, the programme regularly gained audiences of 18.5 million.[35] There were also four short specials broadcast as part of Christmas Night with the Stars in 1968, 1969, 1970 and 1972; one of which was also restaged as part of the Royal Variety Performance 1975. Missing episodes Main article: Dad's Army missing episodes The first two series were recorded and screened in black-and-white, while series three to nine were recorded and screened in colour. Even so, one episode in series three, "Room at the Bottom", formerly survived only as a 16mm black-and-white film telerecording, made for overseas sales to countries not yet broadcasting in colour; and remains on the official DVD releases in this form. This episode has benefited from colour recovery technology, using a buried colour signal (chroma dots) in the black-and-white film print to restore the episode to colour and was transmitted on 13 December 2008 on BBC Two. The newly restored colour version of "Room at the Bottom" was eventually made commercially available in 2023, when it appeared as an extra on the DVD release Dad's Army: The Missing Episodes, with a specially filmed introduction by Ian Lavender. Dad's Army was less affected than most from the wiping of videotape, but three second-series episodes remain missing: episode nine "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Walker", episode eleven "A Stripe for Frazer" and episode 12 "Under Fire". (All three missing episodes were among those remade for BBC Radio with most of the original cast, adapted from the original TV scripts. Audio recordings of all three were included as bonus features on The Complete Series DVD Collection.) Two further series two episodes, "Operation Kilt" and "The Battle of Godfrey's Cottage", were thought lost until 2001.[8] Two of the three missing episodes have since been performed as part of the latest stage show. In 2008, soundtracks of the missing episode "A Stripe for Frazer" and the 1968 Christmas Night with the Stars segment "Present Arms" were recovered. The soundtrack of "A Stripe for Frazer" has been mixed with animation to replace the missing images.[36] The audio soundtrack for the "Cornish Floral Dance" sketch, from the 1970 episode of Christmas Night with the Stars, has also been recovered. Dad's Army: The Lost Episodes (2019) In 2018, UKTV announced plans to recreate the three missing episodes for broadcast on its Gold channel. Mercury Productions, the company responsible for Saluting Dad's Army, Gold's 50th anniversary tribute series, produced the episodes, which were directed by Ben Kellett. The recreations were broadcast in August 2019, coinciding with the 50th anniversary of their original broadcast by the BBC.[37] Kevin McNally and Robert Bathurst were the initial casting announcements as Captain Mainwaring and Sergeant Wilson, with Bernard Cribbins portraying Private Godfrey. The full cast was announced in January 2019, with McNally, Bathurst and Cribbins joined by Kevin Eldon, Mathew Horne, David Hayman and Tom Rosenthal. However, Bernard Cribbins subsequently withdrew from the project, and was replaced as Godfrey by Timothy West. Cast Kevin McNally as Captain Mainwaring Robert Bathurst as Sergeant Wilson Kevin Eldon as Lance Corporal Jones David Hayman as Private Frazer Mathew Horne as Private Walker Timothy West as Private Godfrey Tom Rosenthal as Private Pike Tracy-Ann Oberman as Mrs Pike Simon Ludders as ARP Warden Hodges David Horovitch as Corporal-Colonel Square John Biggins as the Verger Films 1971 film Main article: Dad's Army (1971 film) In common with many British sitcoms of that era, Dad's Army was spun-off as a feature film which was released in 1971. Backers Columbia Pictures imposed arbitrary changes, such as recasting Liz Fraser as Mavis Pike and filming locations in Chalfont St Giles, Buckinghamshire, rather than Thetford in Norfolk, which made the cast unhappy. The director, Norman Cohen, whose idea it was to make the film, was nearly sacked by the studio.: 168  Jimmy Perry and David Croft wrote the original screenplay. This was expanded by Cohen to try to make it more cinematic; Columbia executives made more changes to plot and pacing. As finally realised, two-thirds of the film consists of the creation of the platoon; this was the contribution of Perry and Croft, and differs in a number of ways from the formation of the platoon as seen in the first series of the television version. The final third shows the platoon in action, rescuing hostages from the church hall where they had been held captive by the crewmen of a downed German aircraft. Neither the cast nor Perry and Croft were happy with the result. Perry argued for changes to try to reproduce the style of the television series, but with mixed results. Filming took place from 10 August to 25 September 1970 at Shepperton Studios and on location. After shooting the film, the cast returned to working on the fourth television series. The film's UK première was on 12 March 1971 at the Columbia Theatre, London. Critical reviews were mixed, but it performed well at the UK box-office. Discussions were held about a possible sequel, to be called Dad's Army and the Secret U-Boat Base, but the project never came to fruition.  Michael Gambon as Private Godfrey (2014) 2016 film Main article: Dad's Army (2016 film) A second film, written by Hamish McColl and directed by Oliver Parker, was released in 2016. The cast included Toby Jones as Captain Mainwaring, Bill Nighy as Sergeant Wilson, Tom Courtenay as Lance Corporal Jones, Michael Gambon as Private Godfrey, Blake Harrison as Private Pike, Daniel Mays as Private Walker and Bill Paterson as Private Frazer. Catherine Zeta-Jones, Sarah Lancashire and Mark Gatiss also featured. The film was primarily shot on location in Yorkshire. Filming took place on the beach at North Landing, Flamborough Head, Yorkshire and at nearby Bridlington. It opened in February 2016 to mainly negative reviews. Stage show Main article: Dad's Army (stage show) A poster advertising the stage show In 1975, Dad's Army transferred to the stage as a revue, with songs, familiar scenes from the show and individual "turns" for cast members. It was created by Roger Redfarn, who shared the same agent as the series' writers. Most of the principal cast transferred with it, with the exception of John Laurie, who was replaced by Hamish Roughead.[8] Following James Beck's death two years earlier, Walker was played by John Bardon.[8] Dad's Army: A Nostalgic Music and Laughter Show of Britain's Finest Hour opened at Billingham in Teesside on 4 September 1975 for a two-week tryout. After cuts and revisions, the show transferred to London's West End and opened at the Shaftesbury Theatre on 2 October 1975. On the opening night there was a surprise appearance by Chesney Allen, singing the old Flanagan and Allen song Hometown with Arthur Lowe. The show ran in the West End until 21 February 1976, disrupted twice by bomb scares and then toured the country until 4 September 1976. Clive Dunn was replaced for half the tour by Jack Haig (David Croft's original first choice for the role of Corporal Jones on television). Jeffrey Holland, who went on to star in several later Croft sitcoms, also had a number of roles in the production. The stage show, billed as Dad's Army—The Musical, was staged in Australia and toured New Zealand in 2004–2005, starring Jon English. Several sections of this stage show were filmed and have subsequently been included as extras on the final Dad's Army DVD. In April 2007, a new stage show was announced with cast members including Leslie Grantham as Private Walker and Emmerdale actor Peter Martin as Captain Mainwaring. The production contained the episodes "A Stripe for Frazer", "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Walker", "Room at the Bottom" and "The Deadly Attachment". In August 2017, a new two-man stage show titled, Dad's Army Radio Hour, opened at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe It starred David Benson and Jack Lane. Between them, the pair voiced the entire cast of Dad's Army, including incidental characters. The episodes adapted from the original radio scripts were "The Deadly Attachment", "The Day the Balloon Went Up", "Brain Versus Brawn", "My British Buddy", "Round and Round Went the Great Big Wheel" and "Mum's Army". The production featured three episodes not adapted for the radio series "When You've Got to Go", "My Brother and I" and "Never Too Old". The show was well received by critics and the David Croft estate for its respectful and uncanny performances. In 2019, the production changed its name to Dad's Army Radio Show and continued to tour nationally throughout the UK until the end of 2021. Radio series List of Dad's Army radio episodes The majority of the television scripts were adapted for BBC Radio 4 with the original cast, although other actors played Walker after James Beck's death (which took place soon after recording and before transmission of the first radio series). Harold Snoad and Michael Knowles were responsible for the adaptation,[8] while wartime BBC announcer John Snagge set the scene for each episode. Different actors were used for some of the minor parts: for example Mollie Sugden played the role of Mrs Fox, and Pearl Hackney played Mrs Pike. The first episode was based on the revised version of events seen in the opening of the film version, rather than on the television pilot. The series ran for three series and 67 episodes from 1974-76.[8] The entire radio series has been released on CD. Knowles and Snoad developed a radio series, It Sticks Out Half a Mile, which followed Sergeant Wilson, Private Pike and Warden Hodges's attempts to renovate a pier in the fictional town of Frambourne-on-Sea following the end of the war. It was originally intended to star Arthur Lowe and John Le Mesurier, but Lowe died after recording the pilot episode in 1981. In consequence, Bill Pertwee and Ian Lavender were brought in to replace him. In the event the revised cast recorded a 13-episode series. John Le Mesurier died in November 1983, making another series impossible. The last radio recording of Dad's Army occurred in 1995, when Jimmy Perry wrote a radio sketch entitled The Boy Who Saved England for the "Full Steam A-Hudd" evening broadcast on BBC Radio 2, transmitted on 3 June 1995 on the occasion of the closure of the BBC's Paris studios in Lower Regent Street. It featured Ian Lavender as Pike, Bill Pertwee as Hodges, Frank Williams as the Vicar and Jimmy Perry as General Haverlock-Seabag. American adaptation A pilot episode for an American remake called The Rear Guard, adapted for American viewers by Arthur Julian, was produced by the ABC and broadcast on 10 August 1976, based on the Dad's Army episode "The Deadly Attachment".[8] Set in Long Island, the pilot starred Cliff Norton as Captain Rosatti, Lou Jacobi as Sergeant Raskin and Eddie Foy Jr. as Lance Corporal Wagner. The pilot was considered a failure, so the original tapes were wiped. However, director Hal Cooper kept a copy of the pilot, which was returned to several collectors in 1998. Though further storylines were planned, the series failed to make it past the pilot stage. Other appearances Lowe, Le Mesurier, Laurie, Beck, Ridley and Lavender (wearing Pike's signature scarf) appeared as guests in the 22 April 1971 edition of The Morecambe & Wise Show on BBC2 in the "Monty on the Bonty" sketch, with Lowe as Captain Bligh and the others as crewmen on HMS Bounty. Lowe, Le Mesurier and Laurie again made a cameo appearance as their Dad's Army characters in the 1977 Morecambe & Wise Christmas Special. While Elton John is following incomprehensible instructions to find the BBC studios, he encounters them in a steam room. On leaving, Mainwaring calls him a "stupid boy". Arthur Lowe twice appeared on the BBC children's programme Blue Peter. The first time, in 1973, was with John Le Mesurier, in which the two appeared in costume and in character as Captain Mainwaring and Sergeant Wilson. Together they viewed and discussed a mural painted by schoolchildren, featuring the characters from the show at a Christmas party, among whom was Mainwaring's unseen wife Elizabeth – or rather, what the children thought she looked like (Mainwaring remarks "Good grief. What a remarkable likeness!"). Arthur Lowe made a second appearance as Captain Mainwaring on Blue Peter with the Dad's Army van, which would appear in the forthcoming London-Brighton run, and showed presenter John Noakes the vehicle's hidden anti-Nazi defences.[29][59] Later that year, Lowe, Le Mesurier, Dunn, Lavender and Pertwee, along with Jones's van, appeared in character at the finish of the 1974 London to Brighton Veteran Car Run. The cast appeared in a 1974 public information film, in character but set in the modern day, in which the platoon demonstrated how to cross the road safely at Pelican crossings. Lowe and Le Mesurier made a final appearance as their Dad's Army characters for a 1982 television commercial advertising Wispa chocolate bars. Clive Dunn made occasional appearances as Lance Corporal Jones at 1940s themed events in the 1980s and 1990s and on television on the BBC Saturday night entertainment show Noel's House Party on 27 November 1993. Awards During its original television run, Dad's Army was nominated for multiple British Academy Television Awards, although only won "Best Light Entertainment Programme" in 1971. It was nominated as "Best Situation Comedy" in 1973, 1974 and 1975. In addition, Arthur Lowe was frequently nominated for "Best Light Entertainment Performance" in 1970, 1971, 1973, 1975 and 1978. In 2000, the show was voted 13th in a British Film Institute poll of industry professionals of the 100 Greatest British Television Programmes. In 2004, championed by Phill Jupitus, it came fourth in the BBC poll to find Britain's Best Sitcom with 174,138 votes. Legacy Statue of Captain Mainwaring, erected in Thetford in June 2010 In June 2010, a statue of Captain Mainwaring was erected in the Norfolk town of Thetford where most of the exteriors for the TV series were filmed. The statue features Captain Mainwaring sitting to attention on a simple bench in Home Guard uniform, with his swagger stick across his knees. The statue is mounted at the end of a winding brick pathway with a Union Flag patterned arrowhead to reflect the opening credits of the TV series and the sculpture has been designed so that members of the public can sit beside Captain Mainwaring and have their photograph taken. The statue was vandalised not long after the unveiling by a 10-year-old boy, who kicked it for ten minutes and broke off the statue's glasses, throwing them into a nearby river. The statue has since been fixed. Several references to Dad's Army have been made in other television series. In a 1995 episode of Bottom, titled "Hole", Richie shouts Lance Corporal Jones's catchphrase while stuck up a Ferris wheel set to be demolished the following day. The British sitcom Goodnight Sweetheart paid tribute to Dad's Army in episode one of its second series in 1995, "Don't Get Around Much Any More". Here, lead character Gary Sparrow (Nicholas Lyndhurst) – a time-traveller from the 1990s – goes into a bank in 1941 and meets a bank manager named Mainwaring (Alec Linstead) and his chief clerk, Wilson (Terrence Hardiman), both of whom are in the Home Guard. When he hears the names Mainwaring and Wilson, Gary begins singing the Dad's Army theme song.[72] In addition, a brief visual tribute to Dad's Army is made at the start of the episode "Rag Week" from Ben Elton's 1990s sitcom The Thin Blue Line: a shopfront bears the name "Mainwaring's". In June 2018 the Royal Mail issued a set of eight stamps, featuring the main characters and their catchphrases, to mark the comedy's 50th anniversary. In 2020, Niles Schilder, for the Dad's Army Appreciation Society, wrote four short scripts which detailed how the characters from the series would have, in the author's opinion, dealt with the events of that year. Titles of the scripts included Dad's Army Negotiates Brexit and An Unauthorised Gathering. Cultural influence A pub in Shoeburyness named (albeit incorrectly) after Arthur Lowe's character The characters of Dad's Army and their catchphrases are well known in the UK due to the popularity of the series when originally shown and the frequency of repeats. Jimmy Perry recalls that before writing the sitcom, the Home Guard was a largely forgotten aspect of Britain's defence in the Second World War, something which the series rectified.  In a 1972 Radio Times interview, Arthur Lowe expressed surprise at the programme's success: We expected the show to have limited appeal, to the age group that lived through the war and the Home Guard. We didn't expect what has happened – that children from the age of five upwards would enjoy it too. By focusing on the comic aspects of the Home Guard in a cosy south coast setting, the television series distorted the popular perception of the organisation. Its characters represented the older volunteers within the Home Guard, but largely ignored the large numbers of teenagers and factory workers who also served. Accounts from Home Guard members and their regimental publications inspired Norman Longmate's history The Real Dad's Army (1974). Media releases Main articles: List of Dad's Army books and memorabilia and List of Dad's Army audio releases The first DVD releases of Dad's Army were two "best of" collections, released by the BBC and distributed by 2 Entertain, in October 2001 and September 2002. The first series and the surviving episodes of the second series, along with the documentary Dad's Army: Missing Presumed Wiped, were released in September 2004,[80] while the final series was released in May 2007.[81] In November 2007, the final episodes, the three specials "Battle of the Giants!", "My Brother and I" and "The Love of Three Oranges", were released, along with Dad's Army: The Passing Years documentary, several Christmas Night with the Stars sketches, and excerpts from the 1975-76 stage show.[82] From the third series DVD, We Are the Boys..., a short individual biographical documentary about the main actors and the characters they portrayed on the programme, was included as a special feature. The Columbia film adaptation is separately available; as this is not a BBC production, it is not included in the box set. In 1973 the series was adapted into a comic strip, drawn by Bill Titcombe, which was published in daily newspapers in the UK. These cartoon strips were subsequently collected together and published in book form, by Piccolo Books, in paperback. sleep insomnia relax chill night nightime bed bedtime oldtimeradio drama comedy radio talkradio hancock tonyhancock hancockshalfhour sherlock sherlockholmes radiodrama popular viral viralpodcast podcast brett brettorchard orchard east devon seaton beer lyme regis village condado de alhama spain murcia #dadsarmy   The Golden Age of Radio Also known as the old-time radio (OTR) era, was an era of radio in the United States where it was the dominant electronic home entertainment medium. It began with the birth of commercial radio broadcasting in the early 1920s and lasted through the 1950s, when television gradually superseded radio as the medium of choice for scripted programming, variety and dramatic shows. Radio was the first broadcast medium, and during this period people regularly tuned in to their favourite radio programs, and families gathered to listen to the home radio in the evening. According to a 1947 C. E. Hooper survey, 82 out of 100 Americans were found to be radio listeners. A variety of new entertainment formats and genres were created for the new medium, many of which later migrated to television: radio plays, mystery serials, soap operas, quiz shows, talent shows, daytime and evening variety hours, situation comedies, play-by-play sports, children's shows, cooking shows, and more. In the 1950s, television surpassed radio as the most popular broadcast medium, and commercial radio programming shifted to narrower formats of news, talk, sports and music. Religious broadcasters, listener-supported public radio and college stations provide their own distinctive formats. Origins A family listening to the first broadcasts around 1920 with a crystal radio. The crystal radio, a legacy from the pre-broadcast era, could not power a loudspeaker so the family must share earphones During the first three decades of radio, from 1887 to about 1920, the technology of transmitting sound was undeveloped; the information-carrying ability of radio waves was the same as a telegraph; the radio signal could be either on or off. Radio communication was by wireless telegraphy; at the sending end, an operator tapped on a switch which caused the radio transmitter to produce a series of pulses of radio waves which spelled out text messages in Morse code. At the receiver these sounded like beeps, requiring an operator who knew Morse code to translate them back to text. This type of radio was used exclusively for person-to-person text communication for commercial, diplomatic and military purposes and hobbyists; broadcasting did not exist. The broadcasts of live drama, comedy, music and news that characterize the Golden Age of Radio had a precedent in the Théâtrophone, commercially introduced in Paris in 1890 and available as late as 1932. It allowed subscribers to eavesdrop on live stage performances and hear news reports by means of a network of telephone lines. The development of radio eliminated the wires and subscription charges from this concept. Between 1900 and 1920 the first technology for transmitting sound by radio was developed, AM (amplitude modulation), and AM broadcasting sprang up around 1920. On Christmas Eve 1906, Reginald Fessenden is said to have broadcast the first radio program, consisting of some violin playing and passages from the Bible. While Fessenden's role as an inventor and early radio experimenter is not in dispute, several contemporary radio researchers have questioned whether the Christmas Eve broadcast took place, or whether the date was, in fact, several weeks earlier. The first apparent published reference to the event was made in 1928 by H. P. Davis, Vice President of Westinghouse, in a lecture given at Harvard University. In 1932 Fessenden cited the Christmas Eve 1906 broadcast event in a letter he wrote to Vice President S. M. Kinter of Westinghouse. Fessenden's wife Helen recounts the broadcast in her book Fessenden: Builder of Tomorrows (1940), eight years after Fessenden's death. The issue of whether the 1906 Fessenden broadcast actually happened is discussed in Donna Halper's article "In Search of the Truth About Fessenden"[2] and also in James O'Neal's essays.[3][4] An annotated argument supporting Fessenden as the world's first radio broadcaster was offered in 2006 by Dr. John S. Belrose, Radioscientist Emeritus at the Communications Research Centre Canada, in his essay "Fessenden's 1906 Christmas Eve broadcast." It was not until after the Titanic catastrophe in 1912 that radio for mass communication came into vogue, inspired first by the work of amateur ("ham") radio operators. Radio was especially important during World War I as it was vital for air and naval operations. World War I brought about major developments in radio, superseding the Morse code of the wireless telegraph with the vocal communication of the wireless telephone, through advancements in vacuum tube technology and the introduction of the transceiver. After the war, numerous radio stations were born in the United States and set the standard for later radio programs. The first radio news program was broadcast on August 31, 1920, on the station 8MK in Detroit; owned by The Detroit News, the station covered local election results. This was followed in 1920 with the first commercial radio station in the United States, KDKA, being established in Pittsburgh. The first regular entertainment programs were broadcast in 1922, and on March 10, Variety carried the front-page headline: "Radio Sweeping Country: 1,000,000 Sets in Use." A highlight of this time was the first Rose Bowl being broadcast on January 1, 1923, on the Los Angeles station KHJ. Growth of radio Broadcast radio in the United States underwent a period of rapid change through the decade of the 1920s. Technology advances, better regulation, rapid consumer adoption, and the creation of broadcast networks transformed radio from a consumer curiosity into the mass media powerhouse that defined the Golden Age of Radio. Consumer adoption Through the decade of the 1920s, the purchase of radios by United States homes continued, and accelerated. The Radio Corporation of America (RCA) released figures in 1925 stating that 19% of United States homes owned a radio. The triode and regenerative circuit made amplified, vacuum tube radios widely available to consumers by the second half of the 1920s. The advantage was obvious: several people at once in a home could now easily listen to their radio at the same time. In 1930, 40% of the nation's households owned a radio,[8] a figure that was much higher in suburban and large metropolitan areas. The superheterodyne receiver and other inventions refined radios even further in the next decade; even as the Great Depression ravaged the country in the 1930s, radio would stay at the centre of American life. 83% of American homes would own a radio by 1940. Government regulation Although radio was well established with United States consumers by the mid-1920s, regulation of the broadcast medium presented its own challenges. Until 1926, broadcast radio power and frequency use was regulated by the U.S. Department of Commerce, until a legal challenge rendered the agency powerless to do so. Congress responded by enacting the Radio Act of 1927, which included the formation of the Federal Radio Commission (FRC). One of the FRC's most important early actions was the adoption of General Order 40, which divided stations on the AM band into three power level categories, which became known as Local, Regional, and Clear Channel, and reorganized station assignments. Based on this plan, effective 3:00 a.m. Eastern time on November 11, 1928, most of the country's stations were assigned to new transmitting frequencies. Broadcast networks The final element needed to make the Golden Age of Radio possible focused on the question of distribution: the ability for multiple radio stations to simultaneously broadcast the same content, and this would be solved with the concept of a radio network. The earliest radio programs of the 1920s were largely unsponsored; radio stations were a service designed to sell radio receivers. In early 1922, American Telephone & Telegraph Company (AT&T) announced the beginning of advertisement-supported broadcasting on its owned stations, and plans for the development of the first radio network using its telephone lines to transmit the content. In July 1926, AT&T abruptly decided to exit the broadcasting field, and signed an agreement to sell its entire network operations to a group headed by RCA, which used the assets to form the National Broadcasting Company. Four radio networks had formed by 1934. These were: National Broadcasting Company Red Network (NBC Red), launched November 15, 1926. Originally founded as the National Broadcasting Company in late 1926, the company was almost immediately forced to split under antitrust laws to form NBC Red and NBC Blue. When, in 1942, NBC Blue was sold and renamed the Blue Network, this network would go back to calling itself simply the National Broadcasting Company Radio Network (NBC). National Broadcasting Company Blue Network (NBC Blue); launched January 10, 1927, split from NBC Red. NBC Blue was sold in 1942 and became the Blue Network, and it in turn transferred its assets to a new company, the American Broadcasting Company on June 15, 1945. That network identified itself as the American Broadcasting Company Radio Network (ABC). Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS), launched September 18, 1927. After an initially struggling attempt to compete with the NBC networks, CBS gained new momentum when William S. Paley was installed as company president. Mutual Broadcasting System (Mutual), launched September 29, 1934. Mutual was initially run as a cooperative in which the flagship stations owned the network, not the other way around as was the case with the other three radio networks. Programming In the period before and after the advent of the broadcast network, new forms of entertainment needed to be created to fill the time of a station's broadcast day. Many of the formats born in this era continued into the television and digital eras. In the beginning of the Golden Age, network programs were almost exclusively broadcast live, as the national networks prohibited the airing of recorded programs until the late 1940s because of the inferior sound quality of phonograph discs, the only practical recording medium at that time. As a result, network prime-time shows would be performed twice, once for each coast. Rehearsal for the World War II radio show You Can't Do Business with Hitler with John Flynn and Virginia Moore. This series of programs, broadcast at least once weekly by more than 790 radio stations in the United States, was written and produced by the radio section of the Office of War Information (OWI). Live events Coverage of live events included musical concerts and play-by-play sports broadcasts. News The capability of the new medium to get information to people created the format of modern radio news: headlines, remote reporting, sidewalk interviews (such as Vox Pop), panel discussions, weather reports, and farm reports. The entry of radio into the realm of news triggered a feud between the radio and newspaper industries in the mid-1930s, eventually culminating in newspapers trumping up exaggerated [citation needed] reports of a mass hysteria from the (entirely fictional) radio presentation of The War of the Worlds, which had been presented as a faux newscast. Musical features The sponsored musical feature soon became one of the most popular program formats. Most early radio sponsorship came in the form of selling the naming rights to the program, as evidenced by such programs as The A&P Gypsies, Champion Spark Plug Hour, The Clicquot Club Eskimos, and King Biscuit Time; commercials, as they are known in the modern era, were still relatively uncommon and considered intrusive. During the 1930s and 1940s, the leading orchestras were heard often through big band remotes, and NBC's Monitor continued such remotes well into the 1950s by broadcasting live music from New York City jazz clubs to rural America. Singers such as Harriet Lee and Wendell Hall became popular fixtures on network radio beginning in the late 1920s and early 1930s. Local stations often had staff organists such as Jesse Crawford playing popular tunes. Classical music programs on the air included The Voice of Firestone and The Bell Telephone Hour. Texaco sponsored the Metropolitan Opera radio broadcasts; the broadcasts, now sponsored by the Toll Brothers, continue to this day around the world, and are one of the few examples of live classical music still broadcast on radio. One of the most notable of all classical music radio programs of the Golden Age of Radio featured the celebrated Italian conductor Arturo Toscanini conducting the NBC Symphony Orchestra, which had been created especially for him. At that time, nearly all classical musicians and critics considered Toscanini the greatest living maestro. Popular songwriters such as George Gershwin were also featured on radio. (Gershwin, in addition to frequent appearances as a guest, had his own program in 1934.) The New York Philharmonic also had weekly concerts on radio. There was no dedicated classical music radio station like NPR at that time, so classical music programs had to share the network they were broadcast on with more popular ones, much as in the days of television before the creation of NET and PBS. Country music also enjoyed popularity. National Barn Dance, begun on Chicago's WLS in 1924, was picked up by NBC Radio in 1933. In 1925, WSM Barn Dance went on the air from Nashville. It was renamed the Grand Ole Opry in 1927 and NBC carried portions from 1944 to 1956. NBC also aired The Red Foley Show from 1951 to 1961, and ABC Radio carried Ozark Jubilee from 1953 to 1961. Comedy Radio attracted top comedy talents from vaudeville and Hollywood for many years: Bing Crosby, Abbott and Costello, Fred Allen, Jack Benny, Victor Borge, Fanny Brice, Billie Burke, Bob Burns, Judy Canova, Eddie Cantor, Jimmy Durante, Burns and Allen, Phil Harris, Edgar Bergen, Bob Hope, Groucho Marx, Jean Shepherd, Red Skelton and Ed Wynn. Situational comedies also gained popularity, such as Amos 'n' Andy, Easy Aces, Ethel and Albert, Fibber McGee and Molly, The Goldbergs, The Great Gildersleeve, The Halls of Ivy (which featured screen star Ronald Colman and his wife Benita Hume), Meet Corliss Archer, Meet Millie, and Our Miss Brooks. Radio comedy ran the gamut from the small town humor of Lum and Abner, Herb Shriner and Minnie Pearl to the dialect characterizations of Mel Blanc and the caustic sarcasm of Henry Morgan. Gags galore were delivered weekly on Stop Me If You've Heard This One and Can You Top This?,[18] panel programs devoted to the art of telling jokes. Quiz shows were lampooned on It Pays to Be Ignorant, and other memorable parodies were presented by such satirists as Spike Jones, Stoopnagle and Budd, Stan Freberg and Bob and Ray. British comedy reached American shores in a major assault when NBC carried The Goon Show in the mid-1950s. Some shows originated as stage productions: Clifford Goldsmith's play What a Life was reworked into NBC's popular, long-running The Aldrich Family (1939–1953) with the familiar catchphrases "Henry! Henry Aldrich!," followed by Henry's answer, "Coming, Mother!" Moss Hart and George S. Kaufman's Pulitzer Prize-winning Broadway hit, You Can't Take It with You (1936), became a weekly situation comedy heard on Mutual (1944) with Everett Sloane and later on NBC (1951) with Walter Brennan. Other shows were adapted from comic strips, such as Blondie, Dick Tracy, Gasoline Alley, The Gumps, Li'l Abner, Little Orphan Annie, Popeye the Sailor, Red Ryder, Reg'lar Fellers, Terry and the Pirates and Tillie the Toiler. Bob Montana's redheaded teen of comic strips and comic books was heard on radio's Archie Andrews from 1943 to 1953. The Timid Soul was a 1941–1942 comedy based on cartoonist H. T. Webster's famed Caspar Milquetoast character, and Robert L. Ripley's Believe It or Not! was adapted to several different radio formats during the 1930s and 1940s. Conversely, some radio shows gave rise to spinoff comic strips, such as My Friend Irma starring Marie Wilson. Soap operas The first program generally considered to be a daytime serial drama by scholars of the genre is Painted Dreams, which premiered on WGN on October 20, 1930. The first networked daytime serial is Clara, Lu, 'n Em, which started in a daytime time slot on February 15, 1932. As daytime serials became popular in the early 1930s, they became known as soap operas because many were sponsored by soap products and detergents. On November 25, 1960, the last four daytime radio dramas—Young Dr. Malone, Right to Happiness, The Second Mrs. Burton and Ma Perkins, all broadcast on the CBS Radio Network—were brought to an end. Children's programming The line-up of late afternoon adventure serials included Bobby Benson and the B-Bar-B Riders, The Cisco Kid, Jack Armstrong, the All-American Boy, Captain Midnight, and The Tom Mix Ralston Straight Shooters. Badges, rings, decoding devices and other radio premiums offered on these adventure shows were often allied with a sponsor's product, requiring the young listeners to mail in a boxtop from a breakfast cereal or other proof of purchase. Radio plays Radio plays were presented on such programs as 26 by Corwin, NBC Short Story, Arch Oboler's Plays, Quiet, Please, and CBS Radio Workshop. Orson Welles's The Mercury Theatre on the Air and The Campbell Playhouse were considered by many critics to be the finest radio drama anthologies ever presented. They usually starred Welles in the leading role, along with celebrity guest stars such as Margaret Sullavan or Helen Hayes, in adaptations from literature, Broadway, and/or films. They included such titles as Liliom, Oliver Twist (a title now feared lost), A Tale of Two Cities, Lost Horizon, and The Murder of Roger Ackroyd. It was on Mercury Theatre that Welles presented his celebrated-but-infamous 1938 adaptation of H. G. Wells's The War of the Worlds, formatted to sound like a breaking news program. Theatre Guild on the Air presented adaptations of classical and Broadway plays. Their Shakespeare adaptations included a one-hour Macbeth starring Maurice Evans and Judith Anderson, and a 90-minute Hamlet, starring John Gielgud.[22] Recordings of many of these programs survive. During the 1940s, Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce, famous for playing Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson in films, repeated their characterizations on radio on The New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, which featured both original stories and episodes directly adapted from Arthur Conan Doyle's stories. None of the episodes in which Rathbone and Bruce starred on the radio program were filmed with the two actors as Holmes and Watson, so radio became the only medium in which audiences were able to experience Rathbone and Bruce appearing in some of the more famous Holmes stories, such as "The Speckled Band". There were also many dramatizations of Sherlock Holmes stories on radio without Rathbone and Bruce. During the latter part of his career, celebrated actor John Barrymore starred in a radio program, Streamlined Shakespeare, which featured him in a series of one-hour adaptations of Shakespeare plays, many of which Barrymore never appeared in either on stage or in films, such as Twelfth Night (in which he played both Malvolio and Sir Toby Belch), and Macbeth. Lux Radio Theatre and The Screen Guild Theater presented adaptations of Hollywood movies, performed before a live audience, usually with cast members from the original films. Suspense, Escape, The Mysterious Traveler and Inner Sanctum Mystery were popular thriller anthology series. Leading writers who created original material for radio included Norman Corwin, Carlton E. Morse, David Goodis, Archibald MacLeish, Arthur Miller, Arch Oboler, Wyllis Cooper, Rod Serling, Jay Bennett, and Irwin Shaw. Game shows Game shows saw their beginnings in radio. One of the first was Information Please in 1938, and one of the first major successes was Dr. I.Q. in 1939. Winner Take All, which premiered in 1946, was the first to use lockout devices and feature returning champions. A relative of the game show, which would be called the giveaway show in contemporary media, typically involved giving sponsored products to studio audience members, people randomly called by telephone, or both. An early example of this show was the 1939 show Pot o' Gold, but the breakout hit of this type was ABC's Stop the Music in 1948. Winning a prize generally required knowledge of what was being aired on the show at that moment, which led to criticism of the giveaway show as a form of "buying an audience". Giveaway shows were extremely popular through 1948 and 1949. They were often panned as low-brow, and an unsuccessful attempt was even made by the FCC to ban them (as an illegal lottery) in August 1949.[23] Broadcast production methods The RCA Type 44-BX microphone had two live faces and two dead ones. Thus actors could face each other and react. An actor could give the effect of leaving the room by simply moving their head toward the dead face of the microphone. The scripts were paper-clipped together. It has been disputed whether or not actors and actresses would drop finished pages to the carpeted floor after use. Radio stations Despite a general ban on use of recordings on broadcasts by radio networks through the late 1940s, "reference recordings" on phonograph disc were made of many programs as they were being broadcast, for review by the sponsor and for the network's own archival purposes. With the development of high-fidelity magnetic wire and tape recording in the years following World War II, the networks became more open to airing recorded programs and the prerecording of shows became more common. Local stations, however, had always been free to use recordings and sometimes made substantial use of pre-recorded syndicated programs distributed on pressed (as opposed to individually recorded) transcription discs. Recording was done using a cutting lathe and acetate discs. Programs were normally recorded at 331⁄3 rpm on 16 inch discs, the standard format used for such "electrical transcriptions" from the early 1930s through the 1950s. Sometimes, the groove was cut starting at the inside of the disc and running to the outside. This was useful when the program to be recorded was longer than 15 minutes so required more than one disc side. By recording the first side outside in, the second inside out, and so on, the sound quality at the disc change-over points would match and result in a more seamless playback. An inside start also had the advantage that the thread of material cut from the disc's surface, which had to be kept out of the path of the cutting stylus, was naturally thrown toward the centre of the disc so was automatically out of the way. When cutting an outside start disc, a brush could be used to keep it out of the way by sweeping it toward the middle of the disc. Well-equipped recording lathes used the vacuum from a water aspirator to pick it up as it was cut and deposit it in a water-filled bottle. In addition to convenience, this served a safety purpose, as the cellulose nitrate thread was highly flammable and a loose accumulation of it combusted violently if ignited. Most recordings of radio broadcasts were made at a radio network's studios, or at the facilities of a network-owned or affil

Second half of our interview of the Terrys.

Enjoying Faith, Hope, & Charity. While Facing Expulsion.A Spring Break 14-part Novel.By FinalStand. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.*Birds are made beautiful by their plumage but divine by their flight*  (Yes, this tale is supposed to be somewhat humorous and outrageous too. While not always comedic I'd like to think it is mostly a good-natured romp.)Sharing UmbrellasTuesday: My schedule which the Chancellor had been set in stone, had me in sole custody of the fifth-floor bathroom from five forty-five until six, so I was grateful that only six girls were waiting for me when I arrived. At some level I was sure they expected me to say something and I was pretty sure they hadn't really articulated what they wanted. I said nothing and edged past them.The bravest one, Opal, followed quickly after me, though I had that special moment of taking off my robe in front of her as I readied for my shower. Somehow the blood of Homer's Amazons had entered this school's student body because Opal met my bluff with her buff (body) and crawled under her own water stream once the water was steamy.As I started washing my hair, I caught sight of another girl moving in on my far side. I did my best to remain nonchalant and managed to get my hair clean before they made their move.“Zane,” Opal asked innocently, “would you wash my back?” I smiled, nodded, and took the bottle of liquid soap from her hands.I poured some into my palms before placing the bottle on the closest shelf. I started rubbing it onto her shoulders and down her back. The placement of our bodies was complicated by my emergent erection. I worked my way down her back until I touched, then parted and cupped, her ass. I pressed my body against her back with my penis taking a few moments decide on whether it would go up, in, or in between. Finally it slipped up until my cock rested warmly on her back.Opal was totally overtaken by events and simply stood there as I slowly rubbed my body up and down against her back. She looked over her shoulder speculatively as I reached past her for more liquid soap and poured some into my hand. Bottle put aside, I shared the soap with the off-hand before starting to rub down the front of her shoulders.“Put your hands behind your back,” I whispered into Opal's ear. She was initially hesitant, then started putting them behind her back where she brushed against my cock, and again before she wrapped her hands around it and began slowly stroking it with a soapy grip. While she was working on my morning wood, I made slow circles down to her breasts.Her nipples came alive under my fingertips. I first coaxed them, then plucked them, and finally pinched them tightly as I handled the rest of her breasts roughly. Opal began panting, moaning, and undulating her whole body against mine. I couldn't stop myself from kissing her on the crux of her jaw and neck.“Oh, Oh, Oh,” Opal began to gasp. I felt her body start to tremble under my touch so I hunted for that most sensitive place with my tongue and bit into that spot on her neck sharply. Opal slammed hard into me, bouncing up and down on her toes like some sudsy, hot vibrator against my penis, if only I had the time.“Ah,” she sobbed in joy. Even after the orgasm settled, Opal kept gyrating against me.“This wasn't what I had in mind,” Opal moaned. Whoops!“My apology,” I told her, and started separating from her, but she held firm.“Oh, no, you don't. Maybe you misunderstood me. This was more, much more than I expected. I'm glad you are superior to your hype. Can we do this tomorrow morning?”“Hum, how about we see what comes up then?” I evaded. As I backed away, the girl on the other side held out her soap bottle expectantly. “Sorry, but I need to get out of here before girls, other girls show up,” I explained to her.“Brigit; my name is Brigit,” she filled me in. “Can we do, that, tomorrow?” By ‘that,' I assume she meant my version of the soapy body rub.“Okay,” I said, “how about calling Iona and figuring out how you ladies want to handle my shower visits, though I would like to point out the Administration believes I'm in here alone.”“Do you want us to stay away?” Opal asked cautiously.“Opal, Brigit, I would rather go through life minus one testicle than miss spending time with any of you ladies but I don't want anyone unwittingly getting into trouble because of me,” I answered.“Since you need to be going,” Opal teased, “let me help.”“I'll help too,” Brigit insisted.I'm going to be a while deciding exactly how I rate being shaved by one girl while getting a blowjob from another at the same time.My facial expression caused Rio to laugh at me as I came back down to answer the door. It was around six thirty and I had only recently gotten back and put my school uniform on.“Either you've been hit by the world's softest two by four or you've already had sex at least once this morning,” she chuckled.“Hey, Rio, Iona, come on in. It isn't like I could stop you,” I joked.“So, did you take her temperature, kick up her heels, or give her an attitude adjustment?” Rio teased as we headed up. Iona looked confused and expected me to be either equally confused or give her an explanation. I was confused, which made Rio laugh louder.“Taking her temperature equals blowjob; kicking up the heels is straight-up fucking, and attitude adjustment is anal sex, jeesh, people,” Rio berated us. Once we came to my island of civilization in the wilderness of the Solarium, Iona looked around curiously; this may have been the first men's bedroom she'd ever seen. Rio walked over to my bed, was about to plop down in it, then studied it for a second and gawked at me.“Damn, Zane, what happened last night? How many girls did you have up here?” she grinned maniacally. I sighed and rolled my eyes.“One,” I admitted. “How did you know?”“Peach lip gloss and teeth marks on the pillow, several sets, so, You Go Boy!” she explained.“Plus, your bed smells of Vaseline, baby oil, sweat, Secret deodorant, and a good deal of fuck juice, the female variety. Then there is the matter of, ”she drew forth a long blonde hair, "you not being blonde.”“This was not on the list!” squawked Iona. “Lip gloss, teeth marks?”“That means he fucked her ass long and hard, Iona,” Rio explained to her far less experienced classmate, “and she came back for more, and more.”Iona stole a look my way, hoping I'd deny everything, but I made eye contact with her and nodded. She looked disappointed in me, which oddly made me feel bad inside.“Snap out of it, Iona,” Rio snorted. Iona still looked hurt. “What is more likely, Zane went trolling the lower levels for a girl to sex up, or a girl snuck up here and jumped him in his bed?”“Oh,” Iona gasped, now more pleased. Apparently, me being nearly raped in my own bed was okay with her. From my point of view, I can try to understand women or I can appreciate them for what they willingly offer me. If a woman wants me to treat her like a Sphinx, I'll leap at the challenge. One day I'm sure I'll find a woman not worth this kind of effort but I'm not there yet.I had finished getting dressed and was making toward the stairs when the door at the bottom opened and Barbie Lynn came bounding up. She took in my two companions without missing her stride before bouncing up to me.“Hey, Zane,” she purred. “I wanted to make sure you hadn't overslept.”“Thanks, I appreciate the concern, but I slept great last night. Waking up feeling that good is always a pleasure. How did you sleep?” I responded.“I tossed and turned,” she pouted. “I was missing something I couldn't put my hands on. If I can't figure out what that is I'll be up pacing the halls well past midnight tonight.”Rio stepped behind Barbie and made a gagging motion.“So, Barbie Lynn,” Rio requested, “do you have any lip gloss I could use?” Barbie turned around and pulled a micro-jar that she handed to Rio.“Um, peach flavored,” Rio revealed vindictively. At some point I am sure Rio will show restraint; my challenge now is living long enough to see it.Rio spanked Barbie Lynn hard on the ass and the Dorm Mother yelped in surprise and pain.“Ow,” gasped Barbie Lynn, glaring at Rio. I moved an arm around Barbie and pulled her close, a gesture she comfortably molded into.“I'm sorry,” Rio snickered, “but you have such a wonderful posterior BLT, I know it is a sin if no one appreciates it.”“BLT?” I cautioned Rio, and by that I intoned that the next spanking was likely going to be administered to her by me.“Barbie Lynn Tease,” Rio grinned, daring me to step up. As I handed my book bag to Iona, Rio squealed in delight and raced down the stairs. I was right behind her and I would have undoubtedly caught and punished her on the fifth floor if not for one thing.“Zane, I'm here for your breakfast duty,” a sophomore I was to learn was named Emanuela commanded, Handmaiden's Duty. Technically she should wait until I was outside, but, eh. They nailed Rio seconds before she could turn and gloat at me.“Front or back?” I politely requested of Emanuela, who was thankfully on my schedule.“Front or back?” she wondered.“Do you want me to carry you like this?” I asked, as I swept her up in my arms. She was light enough, including book bag, for me to make it to the Dining Hall without too much effort.“What is back?” she gasped.“Piggyback,” I explained.“Oh. I like this way much better,” she informed me. I started making my way through the crowd when I caught sight of Barbie Lynn and Iona coming down the stairs. Seeing my situation, Barbie put an arm around Iona and whispered something to her. Iona was already carrying my books and I had the feeling that Barbie knew I liked Iona so she was going to look after the small freshman for me.Breakfast came and went and I found myself cornered and ‘forced' to escort another girl to Assembly. She asked me if I'd prefer being covered with whipped cream or honey. I reminded her that whipped cream was cold but honey left a sticky residue, I suggested trying icing. At Assembly, the heavens broke and a hard rain set in as we got ready to disperse.The problem came when it was realized that many girls hadn't packed an umbrella. The answer for most was to take an umbrella from a freshman, which I found unsatisfactory. I had a sudden burst of insight as the first freshmen girls paled at the thought of being soaked through to the bone. I grabbed Iona and then made a beeline for Christina.None of what followed would have been possible without the understanding of a girl I didn't know, Pandora Jaspers. Her plan was for me to take my umbrella and cover us both as we went to class, but when I told her ‘I have a plan,' she nodded and went along for the ride. Certainly we were a strange group that approached Christina Buchanan.“Yes?” questioned Christina with her bemused expression as I came to a halt before her and her court. Chastity smiled, Heaven seethed, Faith looked uncertain, and the fifth girl was a cipher.“I think I can do something about this rain,” I said urgently. Christina didn't laugh but I had a feeling Pandora wanted to strangle me.“Go on,” Christina commanded.“We make a covered walkway of umbrellas, held by freshmen, to protect everyone going to the various halls,” I explained. Iona didn't need to be prodded, working on phone to figure out the diameter of each umbrella and the length of each walkway. She'd be the final arbiter of 'it could be done' in the same way Christina was the mistress of 'it will be done.'Christina hardly missed a beat.“Faith, you and,” she looked to Pandora."Pandora,” the sophomore provided eagerly.“, Pandora go to the East door and get the plan rolling. Heaven and Hope, take the West door. Zane, you, Chastity, and Iona are going with me to the South.”In the back of my mind was the fact that I had to humble Christina. Had she been overly arrogant, stupid, or indecisive, I might have worried less, but I took comfort in the saying that a man is known by the quality of his enemies. You couldn't get much higher quality than Christina.I almost missed the “Hey Zane” the fifth and highly captivatingly and exotic girl of Korean ancestry said to me as she headed off with Heaven.“That is Hope,” Chastity explained, as we headed the other way.“She seems friendly enough. Does she like me?” I said, fishing for information.“If you mean does she want to punish you for challenging Christina then the answer is yes. If you mean is she angling for a way to relive everything you did with Barbie Lynn last night, then the answer to that is yes as well,” Chastity grinned. “If you are asking if she is even more turned on by this latest little stunt of yours, then I think she shares that reaction with the rest of Christina's merry little band.”“Amen,” Iona mumbled.“What was that?” I asked Iona.“Nothing, Zane. I've run the figures and we are only going to be able to cover one path out of each door,” Iona responded by redirecting the conversation.“Chastity, call Hope and tell her she'll open a path to Mesmer first, then Clegger. I'll call Faith,” Christina directed. At this point, as freshmen, Iona and I pretty much had zero pull so we served best by staying out of the way. Once the orders began disseminating, I realized my part in events was over so I stashed Iona's mildly protesting form behind Christina and took my place in the freshman umbrella line; Iona was working her ass off for me, the least I could do was keep her high and dry.We were somewhat wet and late for class but the freshmen class had done something as a group, giving us the vaguest sense of an identity. While getting lunch, Iona stormed up to me and nearly wept over the fact that I was getting almost no credit for the morning's event; it was all going to Christina. I told her to not worry about it, I did it for my fellow first years so what did I care.I managed to get a quick lunch before applying a shoulder/back massage to a sophomore who'd traded three hours using her car for this, so I tried to make it worth her while. While slipping her out of her bra at the table was tricky, holding a conversation with Ms. Goodswell while kneading both my client's breasts until the girl was biting her fist, stifling her moans, and squirming all over the chair in anticipation of what couldn't happen next was the real accomplishment.I was pretty sure I was golden until I stepped out of Calculus for Dummies and received Ms. Goodswell's text telling me to come to her office. I gave my Mistress of the Moment the option of coming with me or figure out with Iona when we could meet again. It was a testament to my obscure magnetism that she followed me so we passed the time with me reciting Thai love poetry to her, some of which was actually safe to translate into English.“Ms. Goodswell?” I said as I lightly tapped on her door and stepped in. Sabrina, my Mistress, patiently waited outside. She had told me that no guy had ever read poetry to her before, which I found utterly tragic.“Shut the door, Zane,” Virginia ordered me in her sugary Southern drawl.“What am I going to do with you?” she sighed heavily when the door shut. “All we wanted you to do is behave and keep your head down. Stapling a permanent smile to your Dorm Mother's face and organizing the freshmen into an independent action was not what we meant.”“To the first point, I have no excuse but she's still a virgin, I swear. I won't apologize for the second thing. Besides, anyone you ask will tell you it was Christina's idea,” I countered.“Zane, do I need to worry about you further deflowering my girls?” Ms. Goodswell sounded exasperated.“Yes,” I truthfully responded. “I am definitely temptation, but I promise you I won't try to seduce anyone, if that helps?”“It pleases the Lord for our young ladies to remain pure,” Virginia stated. “It is one of the cornerstone principles of this school.”“If you say so,” I sighed.“You don't believe in the purity of the body and the sanctity of the marriage bed?” she pressed.“Ms. Goodswell, I'll vocalize the party line if that is what makes you happy. If you honestly want me to believe, give me a reason that goes beyond something some old, bitter, single, virgin guys said two thousand years ago. Otherwise, bring back animal sacrifice and slavery because the hypocrisy can be smothering,” I informed her. I figured she was about to blow up at me.“Okay,” Virginia breathed easily.“Okay?” I wondered.“You are easy on the eyes, Zane, and the girls like you. Tell me, how many girls could you have made violate their Pledges?” she drew me out.“Four in the past twenty-four hours,” I admitted.“Yet you didn't. Why is that?” she kept coming.“It is a big deal here and I wouldn't want to screw up the way they think unless they are the ones wanting to change,” I finally articulated, which made Ms. Goodswell smile.“You can go, Zane. I'll keep tabs on you so be careful,” she dismissed me and turned back to the work on her desk.“That's it?” I inquired. My spiritual advisor nodded without looking up, leaving me even more confused. I retreated in haste and thanked the Almighty that I was about to be shooting guns at something.Marksmanship Team tryouts reintroduced me to Team Captain Hope Song. She totally ignored me through most of the process. I forgot the safety, missed everything I shot at, and repeatedly let the recoil beat the crap out of my shoulder, at which point I figured I'd put forward an honest effort and blown it. I could live with that.On the last round of the event I patiently waited my turn. The girl closest to me (who was doing rather well) informed me that I was getting better. I told her this was my first time shooting a gun and she chuckled; she'd been hunting since she was nine. I knelt down for that final shot when I felt a warm body envelop me from behind.“Breathe easy,” Hope whispered into my ear. “Imagine you running your hands over Barbie Lynn's breasts, light touch, that's good, take the time and be gentle the way she brags you can be, good, now touch the nipple like you love it, feel the nipple get harder and longer, yes, feel your heart beating louder,”she kissed my earlobe ”, feel that nipple at the sweet spot, when you are ready for the orgasm, twist that nipple,” Bam!Bull's eye! Hope remained intimately close.“How was that for foreplay?” she whispered seductively.“Makes me want to get a bigger gun with a lot more bullets,” I replied. Hope scoffed lightly in my ear.“From what I hear, you don't need a bigger gun. Stand up; I have work to do,” she informed me.I stood up and surreptitiously looked around, only to find that no one, no one at all, was looking at us. For some reason the dirt, trees, and birds up in the sky had developed keen religious significance. I thought they were being polite until I recalled one student telling another that Hope regularly drilled kill shots at five hundred meters.Hope went around to some of the other applicants, helping them with their final shots, but not in the same way she helped me. At the end of tryouts we had ten shooters and ten spotters, I was a spotter. Spotters do a lot of things, mainly going over terrain and atmospheric conditions for their paired shooter. We also carry most of the gear (everyone carries their own rifle).“Do you understand what is required of you, Zane?” Hope made a point of asking me.“One hundred years ago you were the Great White Hunter (being Korean and all) and I was the bare-chested native guide giving advice while carrying a townhouse worth of gear on my back,” I joked.“You forgot the loincloth, the native guide always has a loincloth,” Hope purred like a panther toying with her next meal. “We already know you have a finely muscled body capable of great, effort; now can I expect some of that effort here on the team this year?”“Absolutely,” I affirmed. “I'll do what you tell me to do.”“That's good, because you are my partner this year. Watch my ass, don't fuck up, and show initiative,” she instructed me. In my mind I had three contradictory orders; was I supposed to watch her ass, or not fuck her, or was I supposed to come on to her? It was cold comfort that if I did screw up somehow, she could put a bullet through my left eye from anywhere on campus, killing me painlessly.“You were on one of the opposite roofs last night,” I blurted out. Hope looked demurely to the ground but flashed me a wink. “That is how you know what I look like naked.”“I have no idea what you are talking about,” she said putting away one of those telescopic sighting devices a spotter would use. Nothing more was said on the subject.The Riddle of HeavenA feeling of accomplishment, nay, a feeling that I might actually be fitting in, ran right into Heaven, Team Captain of the Orienteering Squad. I wasn't afraid she would toss me off the team for merely existing. Hell, I was afraid I'd automatically get on the team despite my lack of skill; after all, how else could Heaven lure me out and murder me in the State Forest bordering the campus if I wasn't on the team?The first half of the entrance process found us in a classroom doing math; figuring out angles and areas. We also had to study some Solar and lunar charts so we could figure out the position of the Sun given the day and time, as well as what phase the Moon was in and what it would be like in, say, one hundred days. I rocked at that which gave me a leg up going into round two.I knew precisely what a map and compass were. I'd used a few maps, and I'd never actually held a compass before but I'd seen all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies so I knew how compasses worked, NOT! I wasn't alone in this way of thinking. Several girls giggled over the fact. One laughingly pulled up the app on her phone.“That's great. Can I see it?” Heaven said, deceptively cool. The idiot girl handed it over with a smile. Heaven grinned, then hurled it against a large boulder close by, smashing it into a thousand pieces. She went over to it and stomped on the remains for a few seconds while the younger student gasped, then wept.“Okay,” Heaven said soothingly, “your phone is now destroyed. How do you survive long enough to get back to civilization?” We all developed a case of the 'smarts' and kept our mouths shut.“Really, no one?” Heaven taunted us.“You go downhill,” I spoke up. Heaven glared, not at my answer but at the fact that I spoke at all.“Why is that, Mr. Braxton?” she asked in a hostile manner.“Water, you go downhill to find a source of water. Nothing else matters if you die of thirst,” I explained.“Would any one of you follow this idiot downhill?” Heaven sneered.One girl immediately raised her hand while the rest looked around nervously. Right before Heaven spoke again, a second girl raised her hand.“Well,” scoffed Heaven, “most of you will probably die because, while being an utter failure at the rest of his life, Zane guessed this one correctly.”“Your priorities are water, food, and shelter. Where you find moving water, you will most likely find something to eat too. You will also find small trees that are the easiest things to use for shelter. Unless rescue or egress is expected quickly, you must find a means of survival,” Then as an afterthought she addressed me,"Zane, you get a cookie,” and she tossed me a ginger cookie which I hesitantly bit in to. The class went on like this for ten minutes before she teamed us up for a little treasure hunt in the woods. I was teamed up with Heaven, making me wonder if they'd find my body after the deed was done. A few false starts later I began to get a feel for this orienteering stuff; if I headed one way and Heaven secretly smiled, I was going the wrong direction, and if she scowled, I was going the right way.We were the second team to complete the task on top of a large rock outcropping some distance into the state park. Heaven dismissed the others but put a hand on my chest when I made to leave. Once the sound of the rest moving through the underbrush died down she turned to me, clearly pissed. Her fist balled up and she shook slightly as if she was barely able to contain the rage she directed my way.I had three options: flee, confront, or submit. I sat down on the floor of the forest and waited. I could tell my reduction in stature confused her Why do you think most Buddhist monks prefer to conduct their business while in the lotus position?“Can you tell me why you hate me?” I inquired softly.Heaven stormed up to me and I was afraid she was going to boot me down the cliff. I don't think either of us knew why she stopped just short of me.“You don't belong here,” she choked out. “You are perverse and filthy. You are going to ruin everything.”“I'm not your enemy, Heaven. I'm not going to take any of your friends away from you. If I get in your way, let me know and I'll back off. The one thing I can't do is leave,” I explained. Heaven kicked me in the thigh, then kicked me again, so I scrambled up and faced her. She wanted to do this the hard way.Heaven came up right as soon as my feet were planted on the ground. I got in a block, another block, then I grabbed her wrist and put a leg behind hers. She toppled backwards while I rolled us into a side impact which allowed me to grab her other wrist as well. Heaven proved to be surprisingly strong as she thrashed about but she couldn't stop me from getting on top of her.For a moment we lay still but I was getting aroused and Heaven could sense it. I saw a look of near-terror come across her face before she went berserk beneath me. I struggled to keep on top until she finally wore herself down.“Would you just fucking talk to me!” I yelled at her. Heaven slowly ceased her efforts.“Get off of me,” she whispered intently. I rolled us over so that she was on top and released her wrists. Heaven quickly brought her knees up, straddling me with her palms on my chest. She was more than halfway off of me when she stopped and seemed to see me for the first time. I started pulling myself from under her when Heaven settled back down onto my stomach.“Hey, I'm sorry we fought, Heaven,” I got out before she French kissed me. Heaven's whole body pressed into me. I settled down and began working my hands over her waist and hips. When I went for her ass, Heaven arched her back pressing her tits against my chest so that she could grab my hands in hers and pull them back to her waist."Hands above the hips,” she panted lustfully to me between kisses.“Fine, but show me your tits,” I said. Not wasting a moment, Heaven scooted up so that she was sitting on my stomach once more and together we pulled her shirt free and unbuttoned it. I slipped my hand up around the bra and pushed it above her breasts before pressing her delicious orbs down to me to suckle on.It took me a few minutes to find out she had an arousal zone on her lower back that tingled with electricity whenever I caressed it. I had to coax Heaven into getting on all fours but when I pressed my lips there, her stiffness evaporated and she was putty in my hands. I was kneeling beside her with one hand stroking her far side while my closer hand alternated between each breast.When Heaven's breathing became more erratic and desperate she bolted upright on her knees, slipping one leg backward between mine and pressing her ass into my pelvis. I now cupped both tits, gently rubbing each nipple as I began nibbling her shoulder. I was still getting into it when Heaven suddenly spasms against me, then she repeats the process four more times before she trembled uncontrollably in my embrace.“Shush,” I reassured her. "I've got you. You are safe here with me.”“I, we, I, we need to be getting back,” she stammered. I got the feeling that she wanted to pretend this whole thing hadn't happened. I rolled up, then Heaven fixed her bra while I handed Heaven's shirt to her.We exchanged no further words until we were almost back to the campus wall when I turned to make sure she was okay. She was a little out of it but that wasn't my problem; this other thing was.“Heaven, hold on,” I told her. She looked contemplative and suspicious but did so.“You are, Um, jeesh, stay still; I'll take care of this,” I worked out.“What?” she asked cautiously.“You have cum dripping down your legs, Heaven,” I informed her. Heaven's eyes grew large and she took a half-step back but at the same moment she realized with utterly hopelessness that she had virtually no other choice.“What are you going to do?” she whispered. I had to think that one over for a second. I handed her my orienteering gear and took off my shirt, which didn't make Heaven any more comfortable.I knelt before her and used my shirt to wipe up the strands of semen going down the inside of each thigh. It was soon evident to me that she'd cum extensively and I had to work my way up under her skirt or more cum would simply drip down. For reasons I still don't understand, Heaven ceased resisting. Maybe she was tired of the whole charade.The first pair of underwear came down, then the second, and I cleaned them both with my now ruined shirt. I even went so far as to wipe her ass-crack where some had been forced up. Once I was satisfied that Heaven's underwear was as passable as I could manage, I 'fixed' her in place and dressed her again without comment. The really sucky part was that I had to put my sticky, cum-splattered shirt back on. There was no way I could explain going bare-chested.Neither one of us spoke as we walked back, put our stuff up, and parted ways. It wasn't that I thought the matter would go away but I realized that my most pressing concern was doing what my school required. I was happy that I could sneak away before dinner and get a fresh shirt.A Taste of Brandi“What is my duty today, Brandi Sanders?” I started to say with a warm smile on my face. Brandi turned out to be a girl with thin, deep brown hair hanging loose, freckles, and a slender face. Her body was lithe, nothing out of proportion, though it turned out her ass was a prize; compact but with an enticing ability to project beyond the back and thighs.“I need you to help change the lights in my room,” she grinned. I had to reciprocate that look because I liked her creativity. I made a move for her chair then stopped myself.“That chair doesn't look safe,” I mused. “I imagine I'll have to lift you up to each bulb,” I leaned right, then left, taking in her gentle womanly curves which earned a salacious smile."I think it would be more efficient for me to lift you by the front. Is that okay?” I asked softly, even somewhat hesitantly. Brandi nodded eagerly so I placed me in front of her, bent way down until my head was facing her covered belly button, and then I had snaked my arms around the top of her thighs.I made a half-attempt to lift her, then set her down.“Huh?” she gasped, “What's wrong?”“Brandi, some of your buttons are pressing into my face. Can I move them aside?”“Oh, okay,” then, “if you have to,” Brandi protested falsely.I used some slow seduction in pulling her shirt out of her skirt, doing my best to ignore our growing audience of young ladies. I opened the lowest button to see the top of the skirt behind it, but the next one was much more rewarding. Her soft stomach flesh felt warm beneath my lips and her intake of breath was its own reward.I didn't stop there, though. Buttons opened and kisses were given until I reached the bra, then I licked my way down to her belly button, which I sucked and licked for fifteen seconds. By this time, Brandi was breathing deeply and pressing her stomach against my lips. I reached up to massage her pert, firm ass with my hands while working on her belly button with my tongue.When I lifted her up by grabbing her thighs, she gasped slightly. She hovered next to the ceiling light for several seconds before realizing she didn't have a bulb.“Zane,” she started to say, but I was already starting to sweep her down into a horizontal position, stomach down, with her hands in easy reach of the box of light bulbs."Wow, thanks, Zane,” she giggled. She took one bulb, despite there being four fixtures we need to change the bulbs in. I didn't mind; after all, every time I swung her down, I flipped her skirt artfully out of the way, and her panty-covered ass was laid out before me at chest level. I missed the first opportunity but I kissed a cheek on the second drop and took a nibble on the third and fourth drop, each time earning a low moan.During the periods when I was holding her upright, I took sadistic pleasure in sucking on her stomach, giving her two hickies as proof of our amorous encounter.“Thank you, Glenda,” she murmured into my chest as I let her down that last time, using my 'enrolled' name.“I hope I have pleased you but I sadly have to be going,” I sighed, “I have a foot massage upstairs with Easter Valentine,” Brandi looked at me petulantly, then pushed past me to the door and Iona, who stood just outside in the hall.To Be Continued.By FinalStand for Literotica

New York Times bestselling author CHRIS BOJALIAN joins BOOKSTORM Podcast to discuss THE LIONESS, his newest thriller (and now an upcoming television movie by eOne)! Chris transports us to Tanzania in the early 1960s. An A-list Hollywood actress and her new husband have brought an entourage of Hollywood-types on their honeymoon safari ... what could go wrong? For one, as Chris discusses, this is a time of major political upheaval. De-colonization was underway. The world's superpowers were backing various African factions in an effort to promote communism or democracy. It was a full-out proxy war, with Russians and CIA operatives crawling all over sub-Saharan Africa. We talk about these power plays. We discuss the "old ways," when the "Great White Hunter" was revered. We talk about exploitation. We explore prejudice and hate in various forms ... and on all continents. One character wonders: “Was there no place on the planet where he wasn't going to have to fight to survive?” Sometimes that fight is physical and sometimes its psychological ... sometimes it takes place in far-away lands, and sometimes its right in our hometown. We talked about strength, and whether nature or nurture holds the most power over our strengths and weaknesses?  We talk about fear and how it can stop us in our tracks. Is there such a thing as healthy fear? And since this is a safari, we talk about the wild animals hunting and killing human prey in the darkness of night. Who do you fear more? Humankind or wild animals? What does it take to have a survivor mentality? WOW, this discussion left us talking. JOIN US! 

We are joined by our special guest Todd Meyers in today's episode.

Your Weekly Dose Show #181 Starts off with Up Town Funk by Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars cause we wanted something to put us in a happy mood! We started off with M&B Past Moment with the Great White Hunter. Then everyone catches up with one another. Listeners Mike & Kay give us more beers to try out for International Beer Day. Sean give us some LockDown Pick Me Ups. Then the boys offer up a Pocket Sized Cinema. The gang then talks about Wilford Brimly, and Songs That Make You Happy. Next we tune in for another episode of The Neanderthals. Plus we get to meet Intern Christopher. LINKS: Mark Ronson Music              

Your Weekly Dose Show #181 Starts off with Up Town Funk by Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars cause we wanted something to put us in a happy mood! We started off with M&B Past Moment with the Great White Hunter. Then everyone catches up with one another. Listeners Mike & Kay give us more beers to try out for International Beer Day. Sean give us some LockDown Pick Me Ups. Then the boys offer up a Pocket Sized Cinema. The gang then talks about Wilford Brimly, and Songs That Make You Happy. Next we tune in for another episode of The Neanderthals. Plus we get to meet Intern Christopher. LINKS: Mark Ronson Music              

With the party dumped into the sea and a massive shark zooming in for the kill, the party has it's work cut out for it.  If they can survive, what mysteries will they encounter on the island?   Let us know what you think!  Rate us wherever you get your podcasts, email us at RelicofthePastPodcast@gmail.com, follow us @RelicofthePast on Twitter and @RelicofthePastPodcast on Facebook.  Articles and artwork are available at http://poolemedia.podbean.com/

In this Mini Episode, Steve & Izzy discuss the latest offering in the Nicolas Cage premium library "Primal" starring Famke Janssen & Kevin Durand... as well as YOUR favorite Nicolas Cage Performances!!! Can Nicolas Cage pull off "The Great White Hunter" role? Is he upstaged by the craziness of Kevin Durand's character? What are the Top 3 Nicolas Cage Performances? Which top performances aren't even mentioned?!? Let's find out!!!   So kick back, grab a few brews, prepare for more new Nic Cage movies, and enjoy!!!   This episode is brought to you by Frankie & Myrrh at www.frankieandmyrrh.com where when you use the code "UNTIDY" upon check-out, you can get: - 15% off your purchase - Free shipping on orders over $35 - Help out your favorite podcast (us) - AND of course enjoy the greatest aromatherapy on the market!!! Try it today!!!   Twitter - www.twitter.com/eilfmovies  Facebook - www.facebook.com/eilfmovies  Instagram - www.instagram.com/eilfmovies  Etsy - www.untidyvenus.etsy.com 

In this episode, Jon and Jeff make a board-game-based horror movie. Jeff immediately spoils the end of Saw, a movie everyone has seen, and Jon eventually spoils the end of Quintet, a movie no one has seen. Along the way, they discuss the Great White Hunter archetype, Betrayal at House on the Hill, and the secret origin of theme-based serial killer movies.   If you like the show, please rate and review us on iTunes! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/x-meets-y/id1387742226 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/X-Meets-Y-210568946385392/

When we started this podcast entered on the works of Paul Naschy I had no idea it would take us to some of the places we have gone. I never expected to delve into an acidic view of religion and human nature filtered through a Medieval tale of ribald wickedness (EL CAMINANTE); a dark but funny look at modern Spanish society (NAKED MADRID); or a sympathetic look at a real life killer (THE FRENCHMAN'S GARDEN). None of those subjects were on my radar but even they seem like a natural extension of Naschy's career compared to the thought of our favorite Spanish werewolf running around in a Tarzan movie. WTF? How did this happen? First it must be made clear that Naschy does NOT play Tarzan. There have been dozens o screen Jungle Lords but I'm not sure anyone would have been able to suspend their disbelief enough to accept that peculiar casting. No- in TARZAN IN KING SOLOMON'S MINES Naschy plays the part of the Great White Hunter with criminal intent. He sports a mustache, a rifle, canned meat and the coolest Safari hat in Africa. The movie also stars the dark eyed German beauty Nadiuska in the role of the love interest. She is returning to the podcast for her second appearance in a Naschy film after her work in THE PEOPLE WHO OWN THE DARK. We doubt much, if any, of this movie was shot in Africa (other than the stock footage!) but its still a jungle adventure so surely it will be fun. Right? We'll see. Troy and I discuss our first encounters with the greatest of Edgar Rice Burroughs' creations; good and bad Tarzan actors; favorite versions of the character in film; jungle movies as a genre; etc. We try to stay on track but this subject is fertile ground and there are just too many vines to choose from. Please write and let us know what you think of the show. The email address is naschycast@gmail.com and the Facebook group is in full swing. If you get the show through iTunes please take the time to rate and review us. And thanks for listening!

Lux Radio Theater - In October of 1934, "Lux Radio Theater" debuted in New York on NBC's Blue radio network. Presenting audio versions of popular Broadway plays, the show failed to garner an audience and soon ran out of material. After switching networks to CBS and moving to Hollywood, Lux found its true market. The show began featuring adaptations of popular films, performed by as many of the original stars as possible. With an endless supply of hit films scripts and an audience of more than 40 million, Lux enjoyed a prosperous run until the curtain fell in 1956.THIS EPISODE:King Solomon's Mines aired December 01, 1952 starring Deborah Kerr and Stewart Granger in their original roles from the1950 film. Adventure stories don’t come more ripping than King Solomon’s Mines, the classic Great White Hunter tale. Novelist H. Rider Haggard’s hero, Allan Quatermain (Stewart Granger), reluctantly agrees to lead an Englishwoman (Deborah Kerr) and her brother deep into uncharted territory in Africa, in search of the lady’s lost husband. Stewart Granger plays Allan Quatermain, the intrepid hero of a whole series of adventure novels by Haggard over a period of almost thirty years. Quartermain is a big-game hunter and guide, brave, resourceful, wise, weary, cynical, and very, very British. Granger is perfect for the role; he sounds, and acts like the Quatermain of the novels. It's a spectacular adventure story with romance, while they fight with wild animals and cannibals.