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I'm welcoming back my wife, Stef, for an overdue catch-up on the trials and triumphs we've faced over the last 18 months.From the birth of our son, Niko, adjusting to life with two young children, surviving multiple moves including a brief stint in Nashville, and dealing with getting hit by a car back in December, we share how these experiences have reshaped our perspectives on family, work, and faith.We also discuss the importance of in-person community building, parenting challenges, and our goals for 2025 and the future, including exciting plans for Bare Ranch.CHAPTERS00:00 Welcome Back to the Podcast02:29 The Best Chicken Recipe04:19 Reflecting on 18 Months of Madness11:29 Lessons from Nashville13:52 The Importance of Community18:35 Balancing Alone Time and Socialization29:08 The Two-Kid Life37:43 The Car Accident: A Life-Changing Event47:44 Balancing Work, Family, and Personal Growth55:43 Parenting Challenges and Toddlerhood01:10:09 Creative Resurgence and Community Building01:13:59 Exciting Future Plans and Personal Goals01:16:08 Book Recommendations and Closing ThoughtsMENTIONS:Half Time by Bob Bufordhttps://www.amazon.com/Halftime-Significance-Bob-P-Buford/dp/0310344441The Circle Maker by Mark Battersonhttps://www.amazon.com/Circle-Maker-Praying-Circles-Greatest/dp/1491511370Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleffhttps://www.amazon.com/Hunt-Gather-Parent-Ancient-Cultures/dp/1982149671BE 2.0 (Beyond Entrepreneurship 2.0): Turning Your Business into an Enduring Great Company by Jim Collinshttps://www.amazon.com/BE-2-0-Beyond-Entrepreneurship-Business/dp/0399564233ORDER STEF'S CHILDREN'S BOOK, GO ONE MORE!https://www.amazon.com/Go-One-More-Stefany-Bare/dp/1957616873FOLLOW:NICK IG:instagram.com/nickbarefitness/STEF IG:https://www.instagram.com/stefany.bare/?hl=enYT:youtube.com/@nickbarefitnessBecome a BPN member FOR FREE - Unlock 20% off FOR LIFEhttps://www.bareperformancenutrition.com/pages/bpn-membership?srsltid=AfmBOorlpjVeag2kkt3eZ5UpWcFA5Bb2v5V_93lmO47Vn_Y8DRdLwDLL
This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.louiseperry.co.ukMy guest today is Michaeleen Doucleff, correspondent for NPR radio and author of the bestselling book 'Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us about the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans.' We spoke about the ways in which Western parenting radically diverges from the human norm, why parenting books are a product of atomis…
Have you ever considered that your best intentions as a leader can lead to self-deception and undermine your effectiveness? Kevin speaks with Victoria Trammell about how self-deception ties to our identity as leaders. Self-deception leads to what an inward mindset—an excessive and unhealthy self-focus that leads us to see ourselves and others in altered ways. She explains how leaders can act in ways that contradict their stated values, denying their team members growth and opportunity. Victoria believes, as leaders, we need to stay curious and see our team as individuals with different needs and goals. Listen For 00:00 Introduction 03:27 The Uniqueness of Leadership Books 05:32 What Makes "Leadership and Self-Deception" Successful 07:12 The Core Idea: Self-Deception 09:09 Examples of Self-Deception in Leadership 11:01 Connection Between Self-Deception and Identity 13:13 The Role of Leadership Assessments and Identity 15:15 The Relationship to Relationships in Leadership 17:17 Practical Steps to Recognize and Address Self-Deception 19:57 Feedback and Vulnerability in Leadership 21:00 The Ripple Effect of Leadership 22:45 Advice for Leaders: Start with Curiosity 24:33 How to Influence as a Leader 26:15 What Victoria Does for Fun 27:13 What Victoria Is Reading Now 28:24 Closing Thoughts and Resources Meet Victoria Victoria's Story: Victoria Trammel is a co-author of Leadership and Self-Deception: the Secret to Transforming Relationships and Unleashing Results, now in its 4th edition. She is a seasoned facilitator and leadership consultant who brings almost two decades of experience supporting the Intelligence Community to her work with Arbinger. She began her career in joint counterterrorism operations. In subsequent positions, Victoria continued to embrace opportunities for learning and people development through leadership roles across the Intelligence Community from small niche operational programs to enterprise-wide software development programs to corporate culture initiatives. Most recently as a program manager of 65 employees at Leidos, Victoria had the opportunity to establish and develop her program leadership team under the guidance and coaching of the Arbinger Institute. Victoria has a beautiful, blended family of 6 that enjoys planning vacations around experiencing different cultures through the power of food. She is fluent in French and speaks a couple other languages, though most of her vocabulary revolves around eating. https://web.facebook.com/arbingerinstitute https://twitter.com/Arbinger https://arbinger.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/company/arbinger-institute Book Recommendations Leadership and Self-Deception, Fourth Edition: The Secret to Transforming Relationships and Unleashing Results by The Arbinger Institute Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff Like this? The Outward Mindset with Jim Ferrell The Mindsets and Habitsets of Leadership with Darrin Gray The Mindsets That Separate the Best Leaders with Vikram Malhotra Join Our Community If you want to view our live podcast episodes, hear about new releases, or chat with others who enjoy this podcast join one of our communities below. Join the Facebook Group Join the LinkedIn Group Leave a Review If you liked this conversation, we'd be thrilled if you'd let others know by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. Here's a quick guide for posting a review. Review on Apple: https://remarkablepodcast.com/itunes Podcast Better! Sign up with Libsyn and get up to 2 months free! Use promo code: RLP
Dr. T and Truth Fairy return with the second half of their talk with guest Dottie, a highly experienced therapist specializing in Gestalt psychotherapy, somatic experiencing, and trauma-informed work. Dottie and Truth Fairy resume the story they were sharing in the first part about a rupture in a medicine session that they had to navigate together. The story leads to a vulnerable discussion about emotional regulation, acknowledgement of feelings, the importance of touch in medicine sessions, and a host of other vital variables to consider when working through the surfacing and healing of people's trauma. Dr. T, Truth Fairy, and Dottie explore the complexities of relational dynamics, trauma, and healing, and Truth highlights the importance of understanding the multiple factors at play in any relationship, emphasizing that true repair involves mutual learning and deep understanding of the other person's experiences. She explains how her own work with trauma, particularly infant trauma, has taught her to recognize the small gestures and subtle cues that can create or repair ruptures in neural connectivity. This attentiveness allows her to approach therapy with greater sensitivity and presence.Dottie and Truth Fairy each share personal experiences that stress the significance of creating safe spaces for emotional regulation and healing, especially in moments of fear and dissociation. Dottie explains her hypervigilance toward abandonment and how this affects her relationships. She stresses the importance of a therapist's full presence to help clients feel secure. Dr. T brings up the potential risks in psychedelic therapy if practitioners fail to integrate a developmental trauma lens, urging more training and awareness in this field. This episode touches on how therapists, through their own healing, can better support clients in addressing trauma, ensuring safe and effective therapeutic experiences.“... the journey that we both have been on in the last couple of months has just been profound in being so committed to this process of repair. And I know that I keep banging on the word repair. But for me, I think that what's becoming clear is, is something that I really hold of high value as a therapist working with clients is in relationships with other people, the importance of holding space for others when there has been a rupture, and to hold that space of repair. And to be honest, this is what I have really learned from you” - Dottie__Resources discussed in this episode:“Hunter, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans” by Michaeleen DoucleffEpisode 36: Poly Roles and Relationship in Psychedelic Healing with Dottie, Part 1__Contact Punk Therapy:Patreon: Patreon.com/PunkTherapyWebsite: PunkTherapy.comEmail: info@punktherapy.com
Kids are naturally motivated to feel purposeful. In other words, kids want to feel like they bring value to the pack. It's primal actually. You see, bringing value/ helping out/ feeling as if “these people might be lost without the amazing me and my mad sweeping skillz:)”, are all ways kids feel when they are given purpose. Purpose can be a tiny thing (clearing their plate from the table)…Or it can be much bigger like, (reading to a younger sibling and helping to care for them). Unfortunately, many of the ways we are taught to motivate kids do the exact opposite. Michaeleen Doucleff, author of the parenting phenom book, Hunt Gather Parent, learned and shared a ton of wisdom from cultures that do it differently than many traditional “Western Worlders” are practicing. We can learn to recognize the ways kids express their helpful instincts, and encourage them to feel the sense of purpose they're seeking.This week on the podcast this is what we are discussing. We also talk about how technology is making it harder than ever on families and why fostering that sense of purpose is more important than ever. You don't want to miss it!As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-305About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein coaches parents raising strong willed kids. Randi searched endlessly to find the magical resource that would help her own highly sensitive, strong-willed child. (He's now 26, healthy and happy-ish:). She's been passionate about helping other “cycle-breaker” parents like herself for almost two decades.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksPart one of my conversation with Michaeleen: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-304 Our 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment
Ashleigh chats with Michaeleen Doucleff, science journalist and author of 'Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans'.
I'm a fan of good therapy. But I also see so many moms, who are trying to help their strong-willed ones, in the wrong order imo…they look for a therapist first, before changing anything at home. Well this is what I'm talking about today with our fave author, Michaeleen Doucleff. In part one of this conversation, we discuss why pack leadership seems so natural for some folks, and so elusive for others. We also get into the topic of purpose, attention seeking, attachment styles and even disagree on a few things!As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-304About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein coaches parents raising strong willed kids. Randi searched endlessly to find the magical resource that would help her own highly sensitive, strong-willed child. (He's now 26, healthy and happy-ish:). She's been passionate about helping other “cycle-breaker” parents like herself for almost two decades.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksOur 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/
My guest today is Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD. Michaeleen is a global health correspondent for NPR's Science Desk and the author of the New York Times bestseller Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. Michaeleen has a doctorate in chemistry from the University of Berkeley, California, and a bachelor's degree in biology from Caltech. For the past decade, Doucleff has reported on disease outbreaks and children's health for NPR. Before that, Doucleff was an editor at the journal Cell, where she wrote about the science behind pop culture. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:- Key elements of parenting we have lost in the Western world- Children's innate capacity for helpfulness and autonomy- How the child world and the adult world has been separated- Ways parent and child interests can be harmoniously integrated- The value of doing less as a parent- And the importance of allowing a child's authentic interests to be expressed —————————————————————————Michaeleen's website: https://michaeleendoucleff.com/Hunt, Gather, Parent: https://a.co/d/j0KxJg0—————————————————————————Thank you all for checking out the episode! Here are some ways to help support Mentally Flexible:Sign up for PsychFlex through the Mentally Flexible link! PsychFlex.com/MentallyFlexibleYou can help cover some of the costs of running the podcast by donating a cup of coffee! www.buymeacoffee.com/mentallyflexiblePlease subscribe and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It only takes 30 seconds and plays an important role in being able to get new guests.https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mentally-flexible/id1539933988Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mentallyflexible/Check out my song “Glimpse at Truth” that you hear in the intro/outro of every episode: https://tomparkes.bandcamp.com/track/glimpse-at-truth
Michaeleen Doucleff is a science journalist and the author of the bestselling book Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. In her book, Doucleff explores parenting practices from indigenous cultures worldwide, offering insights into raising cooperative and independent children. Her work blends scientific research with personal experience and provides a fresh perspective on modern parenting techniques.Doucleff wrote the book after traveling to three continents with her 3-year-old daughter, Rosy. Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe families showed her how to tame tantrums, motivate kids to be helpful, and build children's confidence and self-sufficiency.
My conversations with Michaeleen Doucleff are so much fun that sometimes I forget to hit record!Usually it doesn't even matter what we talk about, but this time it's extra good. You know those times when your kid is acting like a little contrarian. You say up, they say down. You say yes, they say no. And around and around and around.Michaeleen has come up with an amazingly simple sentence that shifts this dynamic like magic.It will turn them not just into collaborators but actual co-creators.Listen as Michaeleen and I discuss oh so many things. I love my time with her so much and I think you will too!In this episode, you'll learn:How to encourage your child to contribute ideas and collaborate in planning activities.The messages about our values that we send when we choose recreation for our kids.Why things that keep kids engaged aren't always as fun as they might seem.And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-294About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksThe New York Times profile of Virginia Sole-Smith https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/21/well/eat/fat-activist-virginia-sole-smith.htmlHer book Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture https://virginiasolesmith.com/books/fat-talk-parenting-in-the-age-of-diet-culture/All Joy, No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood, by Jennifer Senior https://jennifersenior.net/all-joy-and-no-funOur 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/Live assessment:
There is one book that has totally changed my perspective - and I've read a lot of parenting books. Michaeleen Doucleff is the author of "Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans." She joined me on the show to get real honest about the struggles of modern parenting and how it's making us and our kids miserable.Michaeleen shares how the families she visited in other countries just seem so much happier - their kids are well-behaved and actually want to help out! We talk about letting kids sleep when they're tired instead of on our schedule, teaching them life skills instead of just shuttling them to activities, and building a community instead of being lonely and isolated.It was so eye-opening to realize we don't have to parent the way people have always done it. Tune in to hear Michaeleen's inspiring stories from around the world and get some fresh ideas on raising kids the easier, natural way. - - - - - - - - - - -Liz Durham Instagram | WebsiteSubscribe Apple Podcast | SpotifyBeing Different with Liz Durham is a Palm Tree Pod Co. production
Y'all know that Michaeleen Doucleff is my favorite. Her book, Hunt, Gather, Parent, has become a must-read for my Mastermind parents. Since we first connected we've spent hours, on and off the mic, vibing and swapping parenting stories. One story I've been dying to get more detail about is the decision Michaeleen made to start a whole school out of her house! It's a remarkable tale of agency, confidence, and a mama knowing what's best for her kiddo. I guarantee you'll find it fascinating.In this episode, you'll learn:What makes a mom and journalist with no teaching experience decide to build a learning experience for her daughter.Why the way schools teach is so much more important than what they teach.How a school that doesn't match your kids' needs can be so bad for their interest in learning.The mindset that makes it possible to trust ourselves with something as important as providing the education our kids need.And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-290About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksOur 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/
Housework. Homemaking. Chores. Whatever you call it, it's hard work to maintain a safe, clean house, and it's made so much harder by the expectations around that work. So many moms, whether they're employed outside the home or not, find themselves in charge of a lot more of those household tasks than their kids or their partners. If we're going to change those expectations we have to change the way we talk with our kids about the labor that's so often invisible to them. Coach and author Lori Sugarman-Li has written an amazing kid's book that will help you have those conversations, and turn housework into a full-family collaboration. In this episode, you'll learn:The mindset shift that will help you see the value of including your kiddos in household upkeep. The kind of communication and compromise that will help your family express gratitude for your household and take pride in the work of maintaining it.How the health and well-being of women around the world are made worse by the invisible labor they disproportionately shoulder.And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-283About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Our GuestLori Sugarman-Li believes deeply in the power of families and is a passionate voice in the cultural shift aiming to articulate the value and visibility of unpaid work. She is dedicated to fostering meaningful conversations within families, encouraging them to contemplate how they care for one another and their shared space. Lori's book Our Home: The Love, Work & Heart Of Family is available for pre-order at https://ourhomeourpride.com/my-childrens-book. Her website is https://ourhomeourpride.com/, and she's on Instagram @ourhomeourprideResources Discussed/LinksHunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans, by Michaleen Doucleff https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution For When You Have Too Much To Do (And
How many chore charts have you startedand abandoned in you parenting journey? “You get a sticker for cleaning up your toys!” “Here's a stamp for sweeping the kitchen!” Parents are always full of hope that these nicely structured (and sometimes beautifully decorated!) systems will turn entitled children into responsible, helpful and courteous kids.Spoiler alert: You probably have a junk drawer full of half-completed charts, half-used sheets of stickers and kids who would rather lay on the couch than empty the trash. Enter Michaeleen Doucleff's brilliant book “Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans.”If you only read one parenting book in your life, make it this one. Michaeleen introduces parents to the concept of acomedido, which she learned while staying with Mayan families in Mexico. The goal of acomedido is for children to pay attention to the world around them and learn what needs to be done on their own. If a child only pays attention to their “assigned chore” they never learn to skill of looking around, seeing who needs help or what needs doing, and taking that initiative to pitch in. If you've ever heard your kid say, “That's not my chore” when you asked them to help unload the dishwasher even though it wasn't on their chart, you get what she's saying.On today's “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, Carley shares ways to help your kid become a helpful household citizen, rather than just chore chart checker. Tune in to learn how to foster acomedido in your own house. Your kid's future roommates will thank you. To get Carley's free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!http://www.paceparent.com/play And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG!
When your child is being hurt emotionally or physically by other kids or hurting others themselves do you know how to talk to them? Gabriella Blanco shares some tips on talking to our kids in ways they will understand when something like this happens. She also discusses how to deal with the emotions and feelings this brings up and how to listen deeply to what our children are saying. Gabriella says that validating their feelings but also setting boundaries is much more effective than saying “how do you think the other child feels?” Gabriella is the founder of healing parents, and creator of the healing parents approach. She supports humans who are intentionally healing while parenting with the tools, support and community to experience close lasting and connected relationships with their children and themselves. Gabriella is the daughter of immigrants from Mexico, was raised in Southern California, and has been living in Oaxaca, Mexico for the past 18 years. Listen as Gabriella discusses how to handle sibling fighting to make your home a more drama free environment. If you have kids that fight and argue this is one episode you don't want to miss. In this episode, we discuss: Effective ways to help children understand and relate to the feelings of others. How to handle it when our children get hurt emotionally. Techniques to help children take responsibility for their feelings and actions. Resources: Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff A Kids Co Connect with Gabriella: Healing Parents Course Instagram | Email Discount Codes from Our Sponsors: Earth Breeze - earthbreeze.com/lynzy to get 40% off your subscription Questions: What would our world look like if everyone who was hurting was able to get help? How can we help our kids understand and relate to children who are mean to them? What examples can you give to help handle the situations as they occur? Sibling fighting, how do we handle it? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
We all want our kids to grow up confident and self-sufficient. But by doing too much and protecting our kids from failure, so many well-meaning moms and dads end up discouraging the autonomy they want their kids to achieve. Welcome to the first episode of an ongoing conversation with my friend and fave, Michaeleen Doucleff, author of the phenomenal book Hunt, Gather, Parent. We use real stories from my Mastermind Parents to help us find antidotes to the performative, perfectionist parenting models we're trying to overturn.In this episode, you'll learn:The key mindset shift that will help you develop a mutually respectful, collaborative connection with your children.What happens when you stop trying to find the perfect script and start talking to your kids like full human beings.Why parents who do the most for their kids wind up raising little anxious humans.How the strategies we use to motivate and reward our kiddos actually push down their natural drive to help out.And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-277About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksJonathan Haidt's upcoming book The Anxious Generation https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/729231/the-anxious-generation-by-jonathan-haidt Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626251700/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents/The Whole Brain Child, by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. & Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. https://www.tinabryson.com/thewholebrainchildOur 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course!
In this episode, I chat with NPR reporter Michaeleen Doucleff about her New York Times bestseller, Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans.We discuss what Michaeleen learned by taking her three-year-old daughter to learn parenting strategies from three indigenous communities: the Maya in Yucatán, the Inuit above the Arctic Circle, and the Hadzabe in Tanzania. She talks about finding parenting relationships based on cooperation rather than control, trust instead of fear, and personalized guidance rather than standardized expectations.Episode Highlights:[00:37] Introduction of Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff and her book, "Hunter Gatherer Parent."[01:53] Michaeleen's journey as a global health correspondent for NPR.[06:34] Exploration of parenting practices in various cultures.[10:11] Insights into the Maya community's approach to raising helpful children.[19:29] Michaeleen's personal experiences implementing these parenting techniques with her daughter.[30:39] Discussion on motivation and collaboration in parenting.[44:13] The impact of emotional regulation strategies from different cultures.[57:18] Addressing criticisms and the universality of these parenting methods.Links & Resources:•Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff•The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson•What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned JohnsonIf this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.comIf you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Matt Ragland focuses on the intersection of productivity and the creator economy. He started an online community for creative Dads called Digital Dads. Matt was the 5th employee at ConvertKit, ran Creator Success at Podia, and has built an audience of over 100,000 fans across his newsletter, YouTube channel, and social media channels. He lives in Nashville with his wife of 17 years and 3 (almost 4) kids. In our conversation today we discussed:* Matt's childhood as the son of a pastor* The importance of community - and building community for fathers* Homeschooling* Outward expressions of love* Taking your kids on adventures* Helping your kids have a vision greater than themselves* Pursuing self-employment as a means to better balance work, health and familyListen, watch and subscribe: Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and Overcast.—Where to find Matt Ragland- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattragland/- Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/mattragland- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/MattRagland/videosWhere to find Adam Fishman- Newsletter: www.startupdadpod.substack.com- Newsletter: www.FishmanAFNewsletter.com- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adamjfishman/- Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/fishmanaf- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/startupdadpod/—In this episode, we cover:[00:30] Intro[1:52] Welcome[2:15] Matt's professional background[8:06] Matt's childhood and parents[13:10] His partner and kids[16:34] Homeschooling[21:46] Outward expressions of love[25:34] The importance of community and Digital Dads[32:05] Taking kids on adventures[37:05] Most surprising thing as a dad[39:50] Demonstrating good habits[47:21] Vision greater than yourself[52:07] What don't you and your wife align on?[55:33] Mistakes made as a father[59:50] Where to follow along with Matt's journey[1:00:57] Rapid fire[1:09:18] Thank you—Show references:Matt's Website - https://mattragland.com/Buffer - https://buffer.com/Backcountry - https://www.backcountry.com/APPSumo - https://appsumo.com/ConvertKit - https://convertkit.com/Nashville, TN - https://www.visitmusiccity.com/Podia - https://www.podia.com/Jiu jitsu - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JujutsuNose Frida - https://frida.com/Nintendo switch - https://www.nintendo.com/us/switch/Lululemon (joggers or ABC pants) - https://shop.lululemon.com/10,000 (shirts) - https://www.tenthousand.cc/Smart wool (socks) - https://www.smartwool.com/Duer (jeans) - https://shopduer.com/Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five - https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Updated-Expanded/dp/0983263388Outdoor Kids in an Inside World: Getting Your Family Out of the House and Radically Engaged with Nature - https://www.amazon.com/Outdoor-Kids-Inside-World-Radically/dp/0593129660Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans - https://www.amazon.com/Hunt-Gather-Parent-Ancient-Cultures/dp/198214968XThe Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children - https://www.amazon.com/Gardener-Carpenter-Development-Relationship-Children/dp/1250132258Inside Out - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2096673/—For sponsorship inquiries email podcast@fishmana.com.Editing support by Tommy Harron at http://www.armaziproductions.com/. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit startupdadpod.substack.com
Matt Ragland focuses on the intersection of productivity and the creator economy. He started an online community for creative Dads called Digital Dads. Matt was the 5th employee at ConvertKit, ran Creator Success at Podia, and has built an audience of over 100,000 fans across his newsletter, YouTube channel, and social media channels. He lives in Nashville with his wife of 17 years and 3 (almost 4) kids. In our conversation today we discussed: Matt's childhood as the son of a pastor The importance of community - and building community for fathers Homeschooling Outward expressions of love Taking your kids on adventures Helping your kids have a vision greater than themselves Pursuing self-employment as a means to better balance work, health and family — Where to find Matt Ragland - LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattragland/ - Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/mattragland - Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/MattRagland/videos Where to find Adam Fishman - Newsletter: https://startupdadpod.substack.com/ - Newsletter: https://www.fishmanafnewsletter.com - LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adamjfishman/ - Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/fishmanaf - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/startupdadpod/ — In this episode, we cover: [00:30] Intro [1:52] Welcome [2:15] Matt's professional background [8:06] Matt's childhood and parents [13:10] His partner and kids [16:34] Homeschooling [21:46] Outward expressions of love [25:34] The importance of community and Digital Dads [32:05] Taking kids on adventures [37:05] Most surprising thing as a dad [39:50] Demonstrating good habits [47:21] Vision greater than yourself [52:07] What don't you and your wife align on? [55:33] Mistakes made as a father [59:50] Where to follow along with Matt's journey [1:00:57] Rapid fire [1:09:18] Thank you — Show references: Matt's Website - https://mattragland.com/ Buffer - https://buffer.com/ Backcountry - https://www.backcountry.com/ APPSumo - https://appsumo.com/ ConvertKit - https://convertkit.com/ Nashville, TN - https://www.visitmusiccity.com/ Podia - https://www.podia.com/ Jiu jitsu - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jujutsu Nose Frida - https://frida.com/ Nintendo switch - https://www.nintendo.com/us/switch/ Lululemon (joggers or ABC pants) - https://shop.lululemon.com/ 10,000 (shirts) - https://www.tenthousand.cc/ Smart wool (socks) - https://www.smartwool.com/ Duer (jeans) - https://shopduer.com/ Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five by John Medina - https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Updated-Expanded/dp/0983263388 Outdoor Kids in an Inside World: Getting Your Family Out of the House and Radically Engaged with Nature by Steven Rinella - https://www.amazon.com/Outdoor-Kids-Inside-World-Radically/dp/0593129660 Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff - https://www.amazon.com/Hunt-Gather-Parent-Ancient-Cultures/dp/198214968X The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik - https://www.amazon.com/Gardener-Carpenter-Development-Relationship-Children/dp/1250132258 Inside Out - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2096673/ — Production support for Startup Dad is provided by Tommy Harron at http://www.armaziproductions.com/ Episode art designed by Matt Sutherland at https://www.mspnw.com/
Join us this week as we discuss using a village to help raise our kids in our modern age. We discuss how much of the parenting in our modern society falls to the mom and dad (and mostly the mom!), and how sad this is! There are so many great people who can contribute to our kids' lives, let's use them! We'd love to hear your thoughts about this on Instagram @eyresisters. Notes: Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff
Sibling rivalry is such a big topic, you just know my conversation with Michaeleen Doucleff had to be a two-parter. In this second episode, we're talking about what motivates siblings to fight in the first place: strong societal expectations of tension between siblings, and parental praise that kids can't help but take as a comparison. We'll show you a whole different way to imagine the sibling relationship, that's built on empathy and cooperation instead of competition. In this episode, you'll learn:How to shift our thinking and set expectations for sibling cooperation instead of competition.The way well-intentioned praise can inadvertently encourage toxic comparison between siblings.How to cultivate empathy for both toddlers and teenagers when they're struggling to handle their emotions.And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-260About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksPart One of this conversation on resolving sibling rivalry: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-259/ Our episode on establishing boundaries around Halloween candy: https://mastermindparenting.com/210-your-post-halloween-candy-plans/ Save your seat for our monthly FREE 60-minute coaching session: https://mastermindparenting.com/monthlyOur 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/Live assessment:
So many folks sign up for coaching or come to my free calls desperate to get their kids to stop fighting with their siblings. When our beloved kiddos are at each others throats, it sends our stress levels through the roof. What if told you that sibling rivalry isn't inevitable? In fact, the way siblings antagonize each other in our families is almost unheard of in many other cultures.When Michaeleen Doucleff and I get behind the mic, you know you're in for a meaty conversation. Join us for part one as we get a global perspective on sibling rivalry, and how to start directing that energy into whole family solidarity.In this episode, you'll learn:How our expectation of sibling rivalry is out of step with how siblings treat each other in so many other cultures.The ways we set up older kids to experience adversarial reactions to a younger sibling.How to build a sense of camaraderie and mutual responsibility among your kiddos and your whole family.And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-259About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/
Our latest Hunt, Gather, Parent conversation was so big and juicy, we couldn't fit it into just one episode! In part two of this episode, journalist and author Michaeleen Doucleff is back to help us unpack what happens when other adults are judging us for our parenting choices. We respond to a real-life scenario submitted by a Mastermind parent, and Michaeleen shares her own experience of dealing with judgment from her own mom. We also talk about some strategies for dealing with kiddos when they're lashing out, and ways that common parenting advice sets us up to struggle with hurt feelings, whether they're caused by kids or other adults.In this episode, you'll learn:That you can feel plenty of judgment from a disapproving parent, even if they never say a word.The approach you can use to handle both judgy adults and kiddos who are acting out.Why it's okay to acknowledge when your child hurts your feelings.The transformative power of learning from your kids, and letting them know when they're teaching you.And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-257 About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksSave your seat for our monthly FREE 60-minute coaching session: https://mastermindparenting.com/monthlyOur 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/
In observance of Daughters Day celebrations around the world, we discuss the book Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff, which challenges Western-centric views of parenting. The discussion is eye-opening even for those who don't have kids. Merch: folkandfad.com/thebazaar Submit your Stories: folkandfad.com/shareastory Request to be a Guest on our Show: folkandfad.com/guests Follow Along With Us on Social Media: TikTok: @itscalledculture Instagram: @_itscalledculture --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/folkandfad/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/folkandfad/support
When I sat down with Michaeleen Doucleff to record the next episode in our Hunt, Gather, Parent series, I knew it was a meaty topic. We've all experienced that feeling of being judged for our parenting, by grandparents, other kids' parents, and even random strangers. I've coached so many parents through coping with judgy adults. Michaeleen has reported on how so many other cultures teach empathy for other parents, rather than shaming.There was so much to dig into we couldn't fit it into one episode! I'm so excited for you to hear this conversation. Join us this week for Part 1, and look for Part 2 next week!In this episode, you'll learn:Why so many of us default to judging a parent who's struggling.How to arm yourself against the embarrassment of judgy adults.How cooperation and a collaborative mindset work to stop judgment before it starts.The one question you can eliminate from your vocabulary to help you opt out of the culture of judging other parents.And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-256About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksSave your seat for our monthly FREE 60-minute coaching session: https://mastermindparenting.com/monthlyOur 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/
Ever since I first read Hunt, Gather, Parent by award-winning journalist Michaleen Doucleff, I've felt the urge to change the conversation. So much parenting advice feels cursory and performative. What if we could move past the quick tips model, explore the real challenges and triumphs of raising kids, and what's behind our ideas about what it means to be a good parent?In many parts of the world, parents are raising families using traditional methods they learn from other parents, not from books or gurus. While we're feeling pressure to optimize our interactions, they trust the wisdom they've learned from experience. With Michaeleen's help, we're going to start some real talk about what we can learn from these time-honored practices, and how to get back the self-confidence we've lost.In this episode, you'll learn:How parents train their kids to be unhelpful, and the simple ways to start undoing that programming.Why a sense of purpose might be more important for little ones than feeling happy. Why we struggle to find parenting role models in our lives.How to do less without feeling guilty. And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-254About Randi RubensteinRandi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.Randi's Web and Social LinksWebsite: https://mastermindparenting.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparentingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/About Michaleen Doucleff:Michaleen Doucleff is an award-winning global health correspondent and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Resources Discussed/LinksSave your seat for our monthly FREE 60-minute coaching session: https://mastermindparenting.com/monthlyOur 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/
The toddler years are a source of joy and anxiety for a lot of first-time parents. We want to encourage our newly-mobile little ones as they explore their surroundings, but we also want to keep them safe. And, we're in charge of connecting them to a world that has schedules and time limits, which just aren't intuitive to a tiny, curious mind. Who wouldn't be stressed out by all that? Empathy is the key to managing those competing priorities, for our little ones AND ourselves. Trying to see the world from their perspective can help us stay patient when they're testing boundaries. Giving ourselves kindness when we make mistakes will help the whole thing feel less overwhelming. Here are my most important tips for building that connections, and some resources to help you put it into practice. In this episode, you'll learn: How you can start cultivating empathy for your toddler's experience when they're still an infant. The big shift in thinking at the heart of every progressive parenting method. Why humility is so much more beneficial for your kiddos than perfection. My most recommended resources for parents at any stage of their journey. And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it! Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/podcast-252 About Randi Rubenstein Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays. She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S. At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along. Randi's Web and Social Links Website: https://mastermindparenting.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparenting Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/ Resources Discussed/Links The best parenting book I've ever read is Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ My favorite podcast episode to share features the author of Hunt Gather Parent, Michaeleen Doucleff. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mastermind-parenting-podcast/id1362773053?i=1000614983893 The must-watch documentary Becoming You is on Apple TV https://tv.apple.com/us/show/becoming-you/umc.cmc.2eln6544k8wo99s3vrdl5amwf Check out my website and scroll to the bottom to sign up for weekly resources sent by email straight to you! https://mastermindparenting.com/ Milk Connections Lactation Consulting is at https://milkconnections.com/ Save your seat for our monthly FREE 60-minute coaching session: https://mastermindparenting.com/monthly Our 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/ Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/
When we are going to become a Mother, we are withheld information of some of the realities of New Motherhood.. In this episode, I share my raw, authentic and vulnerable truth of everything I wish I was told, before becoming a Mother. I also speak on other topics such as: •The death process of the Maiden •Giving your relationship grace & compassion •Why we need the tribe/village •Indigenous perspectives of raising a child •The importance of the 4th trimester •Postpartum recovery tips •The power of your support system •Taking time to get to know your baby •Prioritising your mental health & well-being •The power of imperfection •Unleashing of Pandora's box •Reclaiming our power in the underworld •Mythology of Goddess Inanna •Western fixation of the Maiden/Youth •A world that denies the Mother archetype •The Maiden Mother & Crown archetypes •Honouring the sacred rite of passage of Motherhood •The importance of a Mother Blessing •Village prenatals •Healing our own parental relationships through Motherhood •The impact of motherhood on my spirituality •The importance of self-care in Motherhood •Reparenting yourself through parenting your child •Changes in our body & libido •Trusting our healing process Book recommendations: Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff Maiden to Mother: Unlocking Our Archetypal Journey Into the Mature Feminine by Sarah Durham Wilson
This week we're revisiting one of my all-time favorite conversations. If you're a parent, especially one raising a strong-willed child, it's a must-listen! Michaeleen Doucleff is the author of “Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans.” She's also a lovely human who shares her wisdom in the unpreachy-est and most beautiful way. “Hunt, Gather, Parent” is unlike any other parenting book I've ever read. It has quickly become required reading for every parent I work with one-on-one. It's a fascinating anthropological study of human behavior. The oldest cultures in the world have mastered the art of raising happy, well-adjusted children. What can we learn from them? We break down what we are getting wrong when it comes to parenting in our mainstream culture, and celebrate the ancient wisdom of our foremothers in a very practical and relatable way. Get ready to learn from Michaeleen. She is absolutely delightful! I definitely have a mom crush on her, and you will too. In this episode, you'll learn: 1. The practices of sustainable parenting that run through cultures around the world. 2. The qualities we celebrate in adults that we too often discourage in our kids. 3. How an investment of time and persistence can change behaviors for the better - and for the long term. 4. Why taking time for yourself and your own interests is good for you AND your kiddos. And much more! As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it! Get all the links, resources, and transcripts here: https://mastermindparenting.com/240 About Randi Rubenstein Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays. She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S. At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along. Randi's Web and Social Links Website: https://mastermindparenting.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparenting Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/ Resources Discussed/Links Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans, by Michaleen Doucleff: https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/ Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/
"My kids never help", "It's like pulling teeth", "Our family life feels disconnected", "They don't care about me or what I do for them"; frustration over the lack of help in our homes from our children can send us into a spiral of hard days. The sentiment that "kids will be kids" and we need to cater to their whims can topple the structure of our families. In this episode, with the help of Hunter, Gather, Parent by Michaleen Doucleff, we are going to challenge the Western assumptions we all hold about parenting to bring a breath of fresh air and an ease to our parenting that just may revolutionize the way you think about your home environment! Time Stamps 8:00 - Intro to Hunter, Gather, Parent 10:13 - The silo parenting present in western culture (WEIRD) 15:51 - The drive to help and belong is naturally present in our kids from the beginning 20:30 - In the long run, forcing your kids is detrimental 21:30 - Example of five year old girl from the Nani Gandi Tribe 23:00 - Never force a kid to stay and work 25:00 - Less praise, more acknowledgement 26:38 - Independence vs. Autonomy 30:01 - “We clean it up” vs. “You clean it up” 34:15 - Example of autonomy the Hadzabe community 41:05 - Chore charts and how they work against intrinsic motivation Related Episodes Systems and Values for Easier Days and Stronger Family Connections (Entitlement Trap by Linda Eyre and Richard Eyre) How To: Create Pockets of Peace Books Mentioned: How to Raise Kind Kids // Thomas Lickona Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans // Michaeleen Doucleff Sponsor: GABB WIRELESS We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device! Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us on iTunes: Open Find the Magic in the podcast app Scroll to the bottom of the page Click on write a review Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:) Review of the week: AngelinaEM 04/12/2023 My new best friends. I am a busy mom of 4 (7 yo and under) and Find the Magic is something that I do for myself. I connect with these women SO well and they make me feel like I'm doing the best job, even when I feel like I'm not. Thank you ladies for being here for us mothers. ♥️ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/findthemagic/support
Welcome to Episode #12 of the FITFO Podcast. My guest today is Mr. Eric Ruiz. He is a fellow 209er, a latino, unfortunately a Raider fan, but more importantly a proud husband and father. As a Business Development Professional he has more than a decade of experience in expanding and launching advertising and subscription products across the U.S. and Latin America. He is currently a BD Executive at Google, formerly at Waze and Netflix. He was one of the first 6 U.S hires at Waze and helped launched their ads campaign in the U.S. and Latin America, and we discuss the first big win he had while there. Eric has also written articles you can find in Fast Company, Entrepreneur, and The Observer. During this episode we talk about his experience of getting into the startup ecosystem, finally finding his path in tech, being laid off just weeks into his career and the opportunity that came next, Waze. He shares some of his most valuable lessons he has learned over his impressive career and there are insights we all can learn from, regardless of industry. He is an avid reader and we discuss some great books not only on parenting but leadership as well. Eric lives in the Central Valley with his beloved wife, young son, and energetic Chihuahua mutt. If you want to see more from him check out his LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/ericmruiz/ Enjoy! Links: - Observer Article: https://observer.com/2016/10/lets-be-honest-we-have-no-idea-what-diversity-means/ - Entrepreneur: https://www.entrepreneur.com/leadership/what-i-learned-from-being-a-broke-unemployed-graduate/236709 - Fast Company: https://www.fastcompany.com/user/eric-m-ruiz - Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happiness Music Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xzU9Qqdqww - Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans https://a.co/d/2dB9QP3 - The Path to Power (The Years of Lyndon Johnson, Volume 1) https://a.co/d/iypwzt1 - The Passage of Power: The Years of Lyndon Johnson, Vol. IV https://a.co/d/a9h33PH
On this episode, Betina and Nic share the chaos of their life with the family's recent illness and Nic's work travel. They discuss Betina's pregnancy and how things have been different with baby no. 2. The couple share wellness advice for navigating the newborn phase, like preparing for a new child to managing the postpartum period and beyond. They share healthy sleep practices for new parents, how to support the mom, and how to communicate those needs with your partner and extended network. The husband and wife duo touch on meal planning, parenting philosophies, and the books that informed their decisions. They dive into postpartum self-care for mothers and the importance of nurturing their mental and physical health. They close on how to handle the ups and downs of life and the power of mindfulness practices through any life challenge. Have questions for Betina & Nic? Email the show at contact@beyondtheroutinepodcast.com for a chance to have your question answered on a future episode. Follow us on Instagram: @beyondtheroutinepodcastVisit us beyondtheroutinepodcast.com Products & Books mentioned. We do use affiliate codes when possible. The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother by Heng Ou, Amely Greeven, & Marisa Belger Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff. Disclaimer: This podcast represents the opinions of Beyond the Routine hosts Betina and Nic Shimonek and their guests. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast are their own and should not be taken as medical advice. The podcast content is for informational purposes only. Please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. Each person has unique needs and health requirements. While we make every effort to ensure that the information we share is accurate, we welcome any feedback or content corrections.
What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms
Do you feel like you're in a constant state of verbal contact with your kids - either arguing, praising, or commanding, all day long? So did Michaeleen Doucleff, until she went on assignment to the Yucatan to learn about Mayan methods of parenting. Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff is a science reporter for NPR and the author of the New York Times best-seller Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. In this "Best Of" interview Amy, Margaret, and Michaeleen discuss: The power of NOT negotiating with your child Tenets of WEIRD parenting (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) How Michaeleen's relationship with her daughter has improved with these techniques Taking note of how much you insert yourself into your child's activities during the day - and making a conscious effort to do so less - is a very important part of improving both your child's behavior and your relationship with them. Here's where you can find Michaeleen: Twitter: @foodiescience michaeleendoucleff.com Buy Michaeleen's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982149673 Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Aura Frames turns your family's past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura's best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply. Author Accelerator's Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH. For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com. Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH. Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood. Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing. Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The science of parenting…isn't really a science. It's a lot of myths and advice and stories from elder generations. But let's think about where we are getting that advice. Our guest Michaeleen Doucleff wrote her New York Times bestseller “Hunt, Gather, Parent ”after traveling to three continents with her 3-year-old daughter, Rosy. She says Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe families showed her how to tame tantrums, motivate kids to be helpful, and build children's confidence and self-sufficiency. Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD, is an author and a global health correspondent for NPR's Science Desk, where she reports about disease outbreaks and children's health. Greg and Michaeleen look at modern parenting all over the globe, why it isn't valued and respected as a “job” in many cultures, the loss of the extended family, whether or not babies are actually manipulative, and the pros of alloparenting.Episode Quotes:The auntie/uncle networkSuzanne Gaskins told me about this. She calls it the auntie network, where she teamed up. She lives part-time in this Maya village as anthropologist, but she also raised her three boys in Chicago, and she teamed up with like two other families, and they shared the childcare and child rearing together. And so, you know, one family would pick up from school one day and another family would pick up school from the other day. And then the weekends, they would drop the kids off at other people's houses. And so you create this little mini pod. It is what we would call it now after COVID where, you know, those are the alloparents, right? These families become the aunts, the uncles, the cousins. And, so that's really all you need. So I think focusing more on like quality of these families and how they overlap with your thinking of how kids should be treated is more important than quantity. It doesn't take a village to raise a childPeople always say you need a village. No, you really don't. You need like two other adults that are helping. And that really care. And you work together and you can find that because people are hungry for it.What's negative about positive parentingMy problem with positive parenting is that the families ignore half of the child's life, the negative side. It's just ignored. And so there's this kind of very disingenuine approach. Just acknowledging what the child is doing, whether it's good or bad. And, I think positive parenting is missing that side of it.Show Links:Recommended Resources:Self-Esteem in Time and Place: How American Families Imagine, Enact, and Personalize a Cultural Ideal (Child Development in Cultural Context Series)Suzanne Gaskins | Northeastern Illinois UniversityGuest Profile:Professional Profile on NPRMichaeleen Doucleff WebsiteMichaeleen Doucleff on TwitterHer Work:Michaeleen Doucleff ArticlesHunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans
Life choices, raising children, household organization, solipsism, and more. The women continue their chat inspired by “Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic” by Alison Bechdel. Are you a person who has too many mugs or just enough? Discussion Points: Reading a graphic novel like reading poetry Literary references and complicated vocabulary in Fun Home Philosophy of solipsism Making life choices that make yourself happy The nuclear family and adult creative pursuits Raising children with a village versus a small family The advantages to having multi-aged play groups Child, bag, and other trackers Having homes for household objects so you don't lose things Having too many mugs Mentioned on this episode of Book Interrupted: Book Interrupted Website Book Interrupted YouTube Channel Book Interrupted Facebook Book Club Group Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel Dykes to Watch Out For Solipsistic The Midnight Library by Matt Haig The 4% Fix: How One Hour Can Change Your Life by Karma Brown Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff The Tile App
Michaeleen is an author, scientist, and global correspondent for National Public Radio (NPR) and shares lessons from her New York Times bestselling book, Hunt Gather Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. Michaeleen's global travels introduced her to cultures that model an easier way to raise helpful, confident, cooperative, and kind children.
Michaeleen is an author, scientist, and global correspondent for National Public Radio (NPR) and shares lessons from her New York Times bestselling book, Hunt Gather Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. Michaeleen's global travels introduced her to cultures that model an easier way to raise helpful, confident, cooperative, and kind children. Michaeleen is our featured Keynote Speaker at our Jumpstart Parent Education Conference on Thursday, August 11, 2022. Save the date! Purchase Hunt Gather Parent here.Learn more about the Keynote Speaker at Michaeleendoucleff.com
This week is a big episode for me, and you don't want to miss every morsel of this conversation with the author, Michaeleen Doucleff. She wrote Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. I make her fascinating book required reading for every parent I work with in my private programs. This book is not like other parenting books - it reads like a fascinating anthropological study of human behavior. The oldest cultures in the world have mastered the art of raising happy, well-adjusted children. What can we learn from them? In this episode, we break down what we are getting wrong when it comes to parenting in our mainstream culture and bringing back the ancient wisdom of our foremothers in a very practical and relatable way…the good news is that this means more time for yourself and adult activities. Get ready to learn from Michaeleen - she is absolutely delightful! I definitely have a mom crush on her, and you will too. As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it! About Randi Rubenstein Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays. She's the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S. At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along. About Michaleen Doucleff Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD, is a global health correspondent for NPR's Science Desk and the author of the New York Times bestseller Hunt, Gather, Parent. The book describes a way of raising kind and confident children, which moms and dads all over the world have turned to for millennia. Doucleff has a doctorate in chemistry from the University of Berkeley, California, and a bachelor's degree in biology from Caltech. For the past decade, Doucleff has reported on disease outbreaks and children's health for NPR. Before that, Doucleff was an editor at the journal Cell, where she wrote about the science behind pop culture. She lives in San Francisco with her husband, daughter and German Shepherd, Savanna. Web/Social Links Website: https://mastermindparenting.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastermindparenting Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/ Resources Discussed/Links Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaleen Doucleff: https://amzn.to/39yjEkf Book your live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/ Join our Free Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/mastermindparenting
The Book Interrupted women, and their fan Lindsay, continue their discussion on “The 4% Fix: How One Hour Can Change Your Life” by Karma Brown. Which sleep archetype are you: Lion, Bear, Wolf or Dolphin? What is misophonia? And how do you use the tools from the book? Discussion Points: Letter writing/ getting letters in the mail How different cultures raise children Lions, Bears, Wolves, and Dolphins sleep archetypes - which one are you? Finding a mysterious noise Misophonia Are you an auditory, visual, scent or taste person? Which sense can drive you mad? How can you put The 4% Fix ideas into a different schedule? Focused Four List - using it to be able to focus on different aspects of your life Mentioned on this episode of Book Interrupted: Book Interrupted Website Book Interrupted YouTube Channel Book Interrupted Facebook Book Club Group The 4% Fix: How One Hour Can Change Your Life by Karma Brown Home Under Clutter - Fan Lindsay’s blog Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff
On September's PrepTalks, Ned chats with NPR reporter Michaeleen Doucleff about her recent New York Times bestseller, Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. They discuss what Michaeleen learned by taking her three-year-old daughter to learn parenting strategies from three indigenous communities: the Maya in Yucatán, the Inuit above the Arctic Circle, and the Hadzabe in Tanzania. She talks about finding parenting relationships based on cooperation rather than control, trust instead of fear, and personalized guidance rather than standardized expectations. Follow Ned on Twitter at @nedjohnson and Michaeleen at @FoodieScience.
This week on That's SO EDVOLUTIONARY, we dig into the origins of our western way of looking at the world so we can better understand why we do what we do in education. Often, our conventional beliefs about human beings or lens on 'how the world works,' is just "culture masquerading as nature," as anthropologist James Suzman says. Once we catch a glimpse of why we believe what we do--it is hard to unsee the implications of these beliefs for all human beings. And--as educators, school leaders, parents and a concerned citizenry-- it forces us to make a choice about how we want to be going forward. Research & brilliance that inspired this episode include:Free to Learn by Peter GrayHunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen DoucleffNonviolent Communication by Marshall RosenbergWhat White People Can Do Next by Emma DabiriMontessori: The Science Behind the Genius by Angeline LillardUntamed by Glennon DoyleJames Suzman on the Ezra Klein Show "Why Do We Work So Damn Much?"Fox31 Denver: "DPS superintendent outlines plans for 2021-22 school year" by Erika Gonzalez. Get links to all our sources on our episode 2 summary and show notes page at: https://www.eduvolutionary.org/ep3 Sign up for a FREE T.E.A.C.H. Hub account where you can access all the resources we share each week! Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Tik Tok Visit our TPT Store Visit our website If you're enjoying the podcast, please rate and leave a review! It helps other people find us. :)
Update Feb 12, 2023: Automated audio experiment with the Automator app no one usesIntroBack in 2016, I got my first job as a summer camp counselor. It was an outdoor adventure day camp, to which the six figure-making lawyers and consultants of Washington, D.C. sent their straight-A getting, lacrosse-playing children for a taste of the great outdoors. The campers ranged from four years of age to 15, with those nine and up able to choose which among the activities—kayaking, rock climbing, horseback riding, and more—to pursue. I, as a typical sheltered suburbanite (though a competitive rock climber rather than a lacrosse player), had attended the camp myself throughout my childhood. We Junior Counselors, or “JCs,” could request which age-activity combinations to supervise. Though I had to do my fair share of toddler-wrangling, I was granted a few weeks in the Big Leagues: the rock climbing program for kids aged 9-15. Each cohort of about 12 campers had 3 staff members: a JC, a head counselor or “HC” at least 18 years old, and an “instructor” to provide technical expertise. As a 16 year old mere months older than some of my campers, it was a little bizarre. I was an Adult, getting paid (barely) to ensure that the youth in my care remained happy and healthy in the rugged Maryland wilderness. By and large, it was a good camp. What I'm about to say doesn't negate the overall-positive experience of most campers.LyingStaff lied to campers constantly. We were expected to, and generally obliged. Not about important things, either. In fact, the lies generally concerned utterly trivial matters. Child protection is goodNow, I'm not entirely naive. I understand that placing children of all genders in the care of three young adults literally in the woods, including on one overnight campout per week, is a situation tailor-made for abuse. And the camp, to its credit, took this very seriously. We had training after training and rules and guidelines galore designed to ensure that no staff member would ever be tempted to misuse his or her power and status.This was a good thing. Child abuse is bad, and I'm glad we erred on the side of “careful.” I understood that my relationship with the campers was not to be intimate. Staff shouldn't, and didn't, reveal the skeletons in their closet to middle schoolers at rock climbing camp. No playing “truth or dare” around the campfire, either. Understood.Casual dishonestyBut did we really have to lie so much? Take my age. Though I don't recall being explicitly told “you may not reveal your age to campers,” doing just this was an obvious norm among staff. Like any normal human being, the campers wanted to know some basic biographical information about the people they were spending their summers with. This was particularly true for me, a 16 year old who looked about 14 on a good day, whose size-small “counselor” tank top was held up with safety pins to prevent the neck hole from drooping down to my nipples. My fellow counselors, when inevitably asked this question, would say something like “you have to guess” or “six hundred” or “maybe if we win the song competition I'll tell you at the end of the week” (they wouldn't). Nobody said “17” or “31” or “sorry, I can't tell you that.”Though human memory is fallible and it's been five years, I'm pretty sure I got tired of telling stupid, pointless lies. When campers asked, I made the completely banal decision to answer their question. Our conversations generally went like this:Camper: How old are you?Me: sixteen.Camper: You look like you're [insert number between 11 and 15].Me: I know.Camper: Ok.And that was that. My authority remained intact. No one stopped listening to me. Maybe I'm indulging myself, but I think the campers might have been pleasantly surprised at, you know, not being lied to for once. I didn't only do this for the sake of my campers' dignity. I really did look younger than some of the campers, and it was in my own best interest that they be aware I was not. My fellow counselors didn't get mad at me. They didn't bring it up. They just kept on lying to the kids, and I did not. I can't say for sure I was the only one who told the truth, but I sure never heard anyone else do the same.It wasn't just my age. They'd ask which school I went to, and (if my memory serves correctly) I told them. I'm sure they asked some things I really couldn't or shouldn't have answered, and then I wouldn't tell them. Ageism Back in my gung-ho veganism days, I remember thinking the term speciesism was really dumb. Damn right, we should treat different species differently. Unlike with, say, racial identity, there really are important differences—moral and otherwise—between dandelions, lobsters, chickens, and humans. I still think the term is ripe for misinterpretation, but I now see the underlying concept as sound. Speciesism is arbitrary differential treatment, rather than differential treatment justified by real differences in underlying traits. Ageism is the same way. We really should treat young kids differently than adults, but only because they have different underlying traits—not because of their age per se. If we don't think that kids' have the cognitive capacity or confidence or something to make big life decisions or competently assess risk, fine.I'm not saying we should let infants sign contracts, and I'm not even saying we should never lie to children. Whatever Kant would have you think, dishonesty is sometimes the lesser of two evils and therefore the right thing to do, but the chronological age of the person you'd be lying to isn't a good enough justification. The socially acceptable prejudiceI guess great minds think alike, because after writing this subheading I came across the AARP's article “Workplace Age Discrimination Still Flourishes in America.” Under its own subheading, “Ageism: An accepted bias,” it argues thatageism in the workplace occurs every day across America, and it is tolerated or — even worse — unrecognized for what it truly is: discrimination, plain and simple.“Age discrimination is so pervasive that people don't even recognize it's illegal,” asserts Kristin Alden, an attorney specializing in employee rights at the Alden Law Group in Washington, D.C. Ageism is most commonly discussed in the context of employment discrimination, but its social acceptability rings just as true in the context of other, non-workplace incarnations. Reasons whyAnyway, I think there are two fundamental reasons why ageism is so common and acceptable:* Age really does correlate with differences in underlying characteristics like mental aptitude.* All adults were once children, and most adults expect to eventually get old.The first reason seems pretty intuitive; it really can be hard to tell what is justified differential treatment (say, not letting toddlers sign legally-binding agreements) and what is straight-up, arbitrary bias.The second point is more subtle. It's the “I can't be racist—I have a black friend!” of ageism. “I can't be biased against children,” we think, “I was a child myself once!” I think there's a bit of retributive justice going on, too: if I had to endure a childhood of casual, well-meaning disrespect, why shouldn't I get to enjoy the status-privileges of adulthood?These narratives are rarely made explicit. I'm sure I've been disrespectful to children before without saying such things out loud, or even really thinking about them directly. Nor are they malicious. When my fellow counselors and I were lying to the campers, we thought of it as a big joke. We were teasing them, playing a game the campers never agreed to join.This is why ageism is so pernicious. It's easy to moralize racism and sexism; there are the oppressors and the oppressed. What happens when we're all on both sides of the power structure, albeit at different times in our lives? This bias, well-intentioned and hidden in plain sight, doesn't fit well into a compelling moral narrative. Candy-coated contempt If you only read one link in this post, make it the Atlantic's “There's a Better Way to Parent: Less Yelling, Less Praise” (warning: uses up one of your monthly free articles), an interview with the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. Part of it reads:Joe Pinsker: Many American parenting strategies, you estimate, are only about 100 years old, and some of them arose more recently than that. What about American parenting sticks out to you as distinctive and particularly strange?Michaeleen Doucleff: One of the craziest things we do is praise children constantly. When I was first working on the book, I recorded myself to see how frequently I praised my little girl, Rosy, and I noticed that I would exaggeratedly react to even her smallest accomplishments, like drawing a flower or writing a letter, with a comment like “Good job!” or “Wow! What a beautiful flower!”This is insane if you look around the world and throughout human history. Everywhere I went, I don't know if I ever heard a parent praise a child. Yet these kids are incredibly self-sufficient, confident, and respectful—everything we want praise to do, these kids already have it, without the praise.It's hard to cut back on praise, because it's so baked in, but later on, I decided to try. It's not that there's no feedback, but it's much gentler feedback—parents will smile or nod if a child is doing something they want. I started doing that, and Rosy's behavior really improved. A lot of the attention-seeking behavior went away.Doucleff emphasizes how excessive praise induces attention-seeking behavior, but I'd like to draw attention to its direct, first-order effect: children feel disrespected. BaseballI started playing baseball in first grade, and didn't stop for nearly a decade. During elementary school, I distinctly remember loathing the hollow, meaningless compliments that coach after coach fed to us players (which my father just confirmed as a regular complaint of mine, so I'm not making this up). Practices and games were a constant stream of “Way to go down swinging, Jackson!” and “Great effort, Mike!” If you had asked me at 8 why I hated these “compliments,” I'm not sure what I would have said. In retrospect, though, I think I (correctly) understood them as a subtle reminder that we elementary schoolers were unworthy of being treated like normal human beings. After all, I knew the coaches were being disingenuous most of the time; it just wasn't plausible that everything we did was so commendable. In other words, I knew that adults were lying to me. Perhaps the word “lying” is a little strong, but I'll stand by it. Saying “great job” when you know damn well that the job wasn't great, with intent to deceive, seems like a lie to me—however well-intentioned. (Literally) feels bad, manThere's another subtle objection that I'd like to preempt. In the annals of culture-war adjacent academia, there is plenty of discussion of things like “dehumanization,” “stereotype threat,” and structural racism or sexism, which some folks are skeptical of. Whatever you think about these things, I'd like to distinguish them from what I've been calling “casual disrespect” of kids. Some social theorists purport these institutions to be important because of their subtle, nefarious, perhaps even subconscious impact on the structure of society. Even if nobody is overtly offended by bits of casual sexism thrown around, the thinking goes, such behavior helps to perpetuate a structural imbalance between the power and autonomy of men and women.I'm not disputing this, but once again let me emphasize the direct, first-order effects of “casual disrespect.” It is not merely that kids are disempowered or whatever. It literally makes them feel bad! Ok, I can't say for sure what's going on in other people's heads, but it sure as hell made me feel bad, and it sure seemed like my campers felt bad when they were being lied to. We can speculate about the second-order, structural effects of ageism all we want, but let's not forget that people feel bad when they sense they're being disrespected, and kids are people too. Not just dishonestySo far, I've focused on dishonesty because it's the thing I have salient personal experience with (as a camp counselor and baseball player). That said, there are countless other ways that we adults treat children inappropriately without giving it a second thought.Mannerism and tone of voiceYou know how everyone talks to dogs and babies in weird, high-pitched voices? Yeah, we do a slightly toned-down version to kids as old as, say, 13, and I don't think it's cool. This video (starts at 0:52, watch for about 30 seconds) is a fascinating example. The speaker is explicitly demonstrating how to treat children respectfully and yet still talks in a distinctly “baby talk” tone of voice. It goes like this:The first thing to remember is, children are humans, just like you.If you're not used to being around kids, I know it can be tempting to speak down to them or talk to them in baby talk, but honestly, you really don't have to do that. You can speak to a child the same way you speak to anyone else. In fact, that's the best way to speak to them…For example, it's better to say, even to a five month old infant, “Would you like your bottle?” versus “Baby want a baba?”…For instance, you could say, “Can you point to that crayon?”…The bolded lines are spoken in ‘baby talk-lite,' and I don't blame her. When I imagine speaking to an eight year old exactly the way I would speak to a peer (in tone and manner, not content), it feels weird. Instead, I instinctively make the pitch of my voice a bit higher, add more inflection to my voice, and otherwise subtly adjust my mannerisms. It's not full-on “baby-talking,” but it is a step in that (wrong) direction.Content censorshipI'm perfectly willing to accept that children are sometimes genuinely not mature enough to handle certain content. I, for example, had nightmares for weeks after watching the movie Contact when I was about seven. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't happen to me now. But I think we sometimes deem things “inappropriate” without even considering whether the content could plausibly cause anything bad to happen. If you think there's a reasonable chance your kid might learn that violence is ok or have nightmares after watching a violent movie, fine, don't show it to him. But if you're inclined not to let your kid watch Zero Dark Thirty or something because of some vague notion that it's “inappropriate,” consider interrogating this intuition.Compared to violence, it's even harder to justify our sex prohibition. I'm far from the first person to note America's prudish tendencies, but even liberal, sex-positive people often concede that kids shouldn't see naked bodies or watch people have sex on screen. Again, there are plausible justifications for this. If a sex scene is borderline (or not so borderline) abusive, you might worry that a child would learn the wrong lessons about power and consent and such. Likewise, I think everyone should be wary of regularly consuming superstimuli like porn, children included. That said, literally what bad thing is going to happen if your kid sees Rose naked in Titanic? I managed to survive the movie as a kid without becoming a sex addict. Curse words are very similar to content censorship. I get it, we don't want third graders running around yelling “FUCK” just to get everyone's attention at Walmart. But what, exactly, is so problematic with children using the same words that adults use in the appropriate setting? Path dependence and coordinationThere is one very real barrier to treating children more like normal human beings: coordination. If your child is the first of her peers who knows how babies are made, other parents might get upset if little Julia relates this information to her friends. Likewise, even if you're ok with Johnny cursing after he stubs his toe, others might look down on you both. Breaking social norms ain't easy. Even still, there are some things for which being the first mover isn't too difficult. If you're the only baseball coach who doesn't ceaselessly offer empty praise to the players and all the kids like you just as much, you're really not risking your reputation. Likewise, other adults might be a little surprised when you speak to a toddler in a completely normal tone of voice, but they're not going to exile you from polite society. Perhaps, gradually, the norms can creep in the right direction. ConclusionAccording to my parents, my second grade teacher told them that I “acted like a 40 year old man.” I still don't know what she meant by this—I cried all the time, so it definitely wasn't emotional stability. The point, though, is that perhaps my childhood experience was not representative of others'. If so, maybe kids really aren't harmed or offended by being told untruths and being prevented from watching violent movies. Maybe my campers really didn't mind when we refused to reveal our ages, and maybe other children genuinely prefer when adults speak in a modified tone of voice. But, to be frank, I don't think so. I may have been more interested in physics than the median first grader (an interest I have since lost), but I highly doubt that my entire experience was sui generis. After all, I was playing baseball and basketball and doing Cub Scout stuff and playing trumpet and going to summer camp just like so many of my peers. And, just like them, I endured the same needless censorship and well-intentioned disrespect so deeply ingrained in our culture. Get full access to Aaron's Blog at www.aaronbergman.net/subscribe
In this episode of Parents at Work, Lori Mihalich-Levin and Jason Levin interview Jewelyn Cosgrove, a government affairs professional in Washington D.C. Jewelyn currently serves Melwood, a 501(c)(3) organization serving people with disabilities, as the Vice President of government relations, bringing with her 15 years of experience in public policy, lobbying, and advocacy. Outside of work, Jewelyn is passionate about elevating the needs of mothers and families and serves as the treasurer of Raising Our Future Political Action Committee, a PAC that’s aimed at electing congressional candidates that prioritize the needs of families. Jewelyn’s work has been focused on promoting and empowering parents to negotiate and advocate for their needs. She lives in Asheville, Virginia with her husband Greg, two children, and their two amazing cats. She is an alumna of the Mindful Return program and continues to serve the program as a coach to new mums. Jewelyn shares how Lori’s program, Mindful Return, helped her with her career and motherhood and highlights the fact that being a working mom, especially with more than one kid, means more work and a bigger family that you'll want to keep happy and strong. Organizational skills become more important than ever when you mix in growing your career, and Jewelyn has learned to manage “balancing” her time on a weekly basis, instead of getting obsessed about day-to-day work-life balance. You’ll want to join this lively conversation to learn more about life as a parent who works on Capitol Hill, the challenges of working in government affairs and parenting at the same time, navigating challenging conversations with your kids, and most importantly, how to figure out your own effective way of successfully parenting your kids while growing your career. Show Highlights Parenting her 5 and 2-year-old children (03:08) Finding Mindful Return and how she was able to recreate and reimagine herself and her career (03:43) Thriving at balancing things over a week instead of being too focused on work-life balance on a daily basis (05:13) What it’s like being a parent in a government relations role (07:46) Explaining her workdays to her kids in an age-appropriate manner (10:34) How she applies her skill in managing disagreements on the hill into managing disagreements with her kids (12:26) The most fulfilling thing about her work with Raising Our Future (15:54) Having a wonderful boss who supported her in her needs both as a parent and career woman (18:12) Support that she expects parents to get from their workplaces in this day and age (21:02) Working in the environment of uncertainty and new ways of doing things brought about by the Covid-19 pandemic (25:09) Remembering who “The Enemy” is when the going gets tough (29:32) How Freemies changed her working parenting life (32:32) Links and Resources Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff What's a Freemie? A genius invention for working parents Jason's Website Jason on Linkedin Lori's Website Lori on Linkedin
In a flurry of seasonal confusion and library-land craziness, Dani and Brittney managed to catch up about what they are reading lately, as well as reminisce about the classic 90's sports-anthem compilation, 'Jock Jams'. Books mentioned in this episode include: "The Neon Hollywood Cowboy" by Matt Mitchell (https://www.biglucks.com/store/matt-mitchell) "Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans" by Michaeleen Doucleff "Justine" by Forsyth Harmon Subscribe to In the Stacks on Spotify, Google, and all other major podcast platforms. You can email us at lewistownpubliclibrary@gmail.com. Follow us at @lplgram on Instagram or Lewistown Public Library on Facebook.
Hunt, Gather, Parent | This episode is brought to you by BiOptimizers and Paleovalley.Having children of your own is sure to make you think about the way you were raised and question if you want to do things the same. It’s also sure to raise lots of questions about how your interactions with your child are impacting their development and your relationships.What we see as commonplace parenting here in the US is quite different than other parts of the world. Helicopter parenting takes away from our kids’ independence and autonomy and often leads to conflict. Luckily, there are ways we can be more conscious to help everyone in the family flourish. Today on The Dhru Purohit Podcast, Dhru talks to Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff. Michaeleen is a correspondent for NPR’s Science Desk. In 2015, she was part of the team that earned a George Foster Peabody award for its coverage of the Ebola outbreak in West Africa. Prior to joining NPR, Michaeleen was an editor at the journal Cell, where she wrote about the science behind pop culture. She has a doctorate in chemistry from the University of California, Berkeley, and a master’s degree in viticulture and enology from the University of California, Davis. Her new book Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans shares what she’s learned in her own parenting journey as well as through her research on families across the globe. In this episode, we dive into: -Michaeleen’s personal struggles with her daughter Rosy (6:30) -Why the way we parent in the West is strange (14:39)-The importance of autonomy for children (18:20) -The rising rates of anxiety and depression in kids, and how the way we parent in the West is contributing to that (23:07) -How Michaeleen’s daughter Rosy puts herself to sleep at night (28:29) -The greatest gift you can give your child (37:19)-The best way to motivate your kids (41:03) -Why children don’t really need child-centered activities (51:50) -Why we shouldn’t constantly praise our kids (59:08) -The value of a communal approach to raising children (1:04:30) -Michaeleen’s TEAM approach to parenting (1:07:34) -How to make this approach work in a busy family life (1:21:15) For more on Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff you can follow her on Twitter @FoodieScience, and through her website https://michaeleendoucleff.com/. You can contact her directly by email at mdoucleff@npr.org. Get her book, Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans at https://michaeleendoucleff.com/hunt-gather-parent/. For more on Dhru Purohit, be sure to follow him on Instagram @dhrupurohit, on Facebook @dhruxpurohit, on Twitter @dhrupurohit, and on YouTube @dhrupurohit. You can also text Dhru at (302) 200-5643 or click here https://my.community.com/dhrupurohit.Interested in joining The Dhru Purohit Podcast Facebook Community? Submit your request to join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2819627591487473/.This episode is brought to you by BiOptimizers and Paleovalley.If I had to pick one supplement that has made the biggest difference in my overall health, it would be magnesium. I personally started taking magnesium to help with my sleep, especially when I travel, and it’s been a game changer. But I don’t take just any old magnesium, I take BiOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough. It contains 7 different forms of magnesium, which all have different functions in the body. I haven’t found anything else like it on the market. Right now, BiOptimizers is offering my community a few special bundles, just head over to https://magbreakthrough.com/dhru, with code DHRU10. Not all turmeric supplements are created equal. I love taking Turmeric Complex from Paleovalley. It contains organic whole food turmeric, so you get the synergistic effects of all its compounds. It also contains coconut oil and black pepper which have been shown to improve the absorption of those active compounds by 2,000%, plus it includes other natural anti-inflammatories like organic ginger, rosemary, and cloves. Right now, Paleovalley is offering my listeners 15% off at https://paleovalley.com/dhru. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms
Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff is the author of the New York Times best-seller Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. In this interview, she tells us about the circumstances that inspired her own "aha" parenting moment, and then the book. While on assignment in the Yucatan as a reporter for NPR's Science Desk, Michaeleen saw children helping around the house, unprompted and unapplauded. She wondered how her own life back in the United States, with a tantruming preschooler and chaotic household, could be so different. It inspired Michaeleen's exploration of how the tenets of WEIRD parenting (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) differ from those of more ancient civilizations, and how we might all restore a little sanity by unlearning some of our Western ways. Follow Michaeleen on Twitter @foodiescience and on her website: michaeleendoucleff.com. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH. Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing. Audible has everything you love to listen to, INCLUDING this podcast, all in one app! Try Audible free for 30 days by going to audible.com/fresh, or by texting FRESH to 500-500. Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order! Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD. StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off. Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh. Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off. Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing. Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
As the author of the recent New York Times bestseller Hunt, Gather, Parent, Michaeleen Doucleff was already examining the culture and practice of mothering when the pandemic hit. Then everything changed for us all. Here, Medcan’s Dr. Daiva Barnicke, mother of two young children, explores Doucleff’s story as well as the pandemic’s impact on motherhood in a frank conversation that could have therapeutic benefits for struggling moms. https://www.eatmovethinkpodcast.com/podcast/ep-63-motherhood LINKS Michaeleen Doucleff is on Twitter @foodiescience. Doucleff’s book is Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. Here’s the New York Times book review. Buy it at Indigo and Amazon. “There’s a Better Way to Parent: Less Yelling, Less Praise”: An interview with Doucleff in The Atlantic. The NPR blog to which Doucleff contributes is called Goats and Soda. Medcan provides a Child and Youth Assessment designed to empower children to eat better, move better and think better. Learn more. INSIGHTS The pandemic meant the closing of the preschool that Doucleff’s daughter, Rosy, attended. So Doucleff went from parenting her daughter for three or four hours a day, to up around 14 hours a day. Meanwhile, she also had the deadline for Hunt, Gather, Parent to meet. So Doucleff was forced into a position where she had to take the book’s advice, particularly the bit that suggests that North American parents should provide their children with more autonomy, and interfere less in their lives. “I really started to put those ideas into practice throughout the day, and I have to tell you, it saved us,” Doucleff says. (4:50) Doucleff began thinking about her parenting in 2014, when National Public Radio sent her to Monrovia, Liberia, in Africa, to cover the peak of the Ebola Outbreak. “I saw these parents that were in this incredibly stressful situation,” Doucleff recalls, “and yet they were very calm and composed.” She was struck by the way parents in Liberia were being faced with something that was very harsh and hard, and yet the moms and dads there were able to keep their composure with their children. “I just started to think, maybe there’s a different way of doing things, that is more productive,” Doucleff says. (5:50) Doucleff studied parenting norms among the Mayan people on the Yucatan peninsula of Africa. She observed that moms among the Maya were far more likely to get their children involved in household work. As a result, the children were more likely to demonstrate the quality of acomedido — the skill of paying attention and then acting in a helpful way. For example, while she was in one Maya mother’s home, Doucleff saw a 12 year old walk into a kitchen and begin doing the dishes, without being nagged or even asked. She believes it’s possible to develop acomedido at any age, because Doucleff realized that both she and her husband needed to develop acomedido as well. (14:40) Child-centred activities are something that Doucleff believes harm a child’s ability to develop acomedido. Such events as four-year-old birthday parties, kiddie museums, trips to the zoo — things parents do only for their children, and never would do on their own — “these things erode a child’s motivation to help,” Doucleff says. “They teach a child to learn that they are special, that their role in the family is to do these special activities.” Doucleff dispensed with all child-centred activities, and instead started to go about her life as she would normally, as an adult. “Just stop doing things you don’t want to do,” she says. The idea is that life revolves around the adults in the family, rather than the family revolving around the children. (18:00) We often think children need to be entertained, and that it’s the parents’ duty to occupy children’s time. To keep them busy in some way. “No other culture in the world believes this,” says Doucleff. “And this is definitely not the way children evolved.” Get rid of that mindset, Doucleff says. “That’s doing them a disservice… A lot of life is boring, and hard work. And being able to occupy yourself, but also take initiative — that’s what we’re taking away from them when we constantly organize their schedules.” (20:15) Power struggles between her daughter and Doucleff were an ongoing problem, and made Doucleff angry with her daughter. But then Doucleff researched parenting norms in Iqaluit. “Kids are just these irrational, illogical beings that don’t have emotional regulation, and don’t have social skills,” the Inuit elders told her. “It’s the job of the parent to show [kids] proper behaviour.” Seeing the parent-child relationship in that light helped Doucleff to curtail her anger with her daughter, and be more successful at modelling appropriate behaviour. (27:00) In the US and Canada, one psychologist told Doucleff, parents teach kids to figure out what they want in life and go get it, which has its benefits. But Doucleff believes the single-minded devotion to goal attainment is done at the expense of teaching children to be helpful, and cooperative, and good family members. “And that's really what we needed during the pandemic, right?” Doucleff asks. “Kids to be working on the team with their parents… Moms have way too much on their shoulders. It’s time that the kids give to the mom, and help the mom. And in that process, the child learns all these skills, both physically how to do things, but also emotionally how to connect and bond with their parent in a way that they hadn't before.” (30:55)
Reading great parenting advice is one thing; using that advice isn't as easy. After exploring some ancient parenting techniques shared in "Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans" by Michaleen Doucleff in the last episode, Patrick and John chat about ways they've attempted to challenge themselves and adapt their style to test new (old) parenting practices.
NPR science correspondent Michaeleen Doucleff chats with Trey Elling about HUNT, GATHER, PARENT: WHAT ANCIENT CULTURES CAN TEACH US ABOUT THE LOST ART OF RAISING HAPPY, HELPFUL LITTLE HUMANS, including: the lack of actual science backing certain popular beliefs among Western parenting, why Maya children are so helpful without much coaxing, how Inuit parents and children rarely lose their cool with each other, the Hadzabe way of fostering independence, and more.