Podcasts about cripes

  • 34PODCASTS
  • 54EPISODES
  • 49mAVG DURATION
  • 1MONTHLY NEW EPISODE
  • Jan 20, 2025LATEST

POPULARITY

20172018201920202021202220232024


Best podcasts about cripes

Latest podcast episodes about cripes

70mm | Movies and Friendship
Spirited Away (2001)

70mm | Movies and Friendship

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 20, 2025 74:05


"Don't worry, I've got four-wheel drive."THE VHS VILLAGE 100 continues with SPIRITED AWAY. Maybe the longest uncut in history? Cripes alive two and a half hours. That's an hour-long uncut segment! We also talked about losing an icon in filmmaking, the Nintendo Switch 2, Nosferatu, slime's pick for the month and much more. In the uncut extended version of the episode the cost of AAA video games, religious grifters, the hidden cost of being a Baldwin brother, and reality TV.Chapters:(00:00:00) Introductions + David Lynch(00:08:54) What we watched(00:19:34) Spirited Away(01:18:35) Next weekSupport the 70mm Patreon to join our VHS Village Discord and access exclusive episodes in the 70mm Vault like the 1990s Batman movies, Harry Potter, The Matrix, SHIN Godzilla, and over 50 others. Signing up for the Patreon also get your own membership card, member-only discounts on merch, and the ability to vote on future episodes!Don't forget you can visit our website to shop our storefront to buy prints and merch, follow us on Letterboxd, email the show, and much more.70mm is a ⁠TAPEDECK⁠ podcast, along with our friends at ⁠BAT & SPIDER⁠,  ⁠The Letterboxd Show⁠, Austin Danger Pod,⁠Escape Hatch⁠, ⁠Will Run For...⁠, ⁠Lost Light⁠, ⁠The Movie Mixtape⁠, and ⁠Twin Vipers⁠.(Gone but not forgotten; ⁠Cinenauts⁠ + ⁠FILM HAGS⁠.)

Steamy Stories Podcast
Perry, The Galactic Penis: Part 2

Steamy Stories Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 19, 2024


Mom and the Neighbor.by Krosis. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the way to school, Ed asked Perry, "So where are you from, originally?"*Long way from here, Ed...not even sure you'd have a proper frame of reference.*"How am I hearing you in my head?"*I told you before, dude, we are one. If you work at it, you won't even have to vocalize for me to 'hear' you.*"Really? Cool." He continued walking. "Hey, Perry?"There was no response. "Perry?""Knock knock!" Eve Doughtry called out, looking in through her neighbor Darla's screen door. Her friend's pretty face poked out from the kitchen."Eve! C'mon in!"She did so, and rounded the corner to find Darla's wide ass pointing right at her as the woman pushed a tray of muffins into the oven. Eve suddenly had a strong urge to flip the woman's skirt up and...She shook her head. And what? Where had that come from? she wondered.Darla stood up and turned around, a vision of brunette beauty, 5'3" and voluptuous. "Lemonade?" she asked.Eve nodded, and they sat at the kitchen table to chat. After shooting the shit about the usual subjects, Eve asked her, "So how's the sex life?"Darla spluttered around a mouthful of lemonade. "Cripes, Eve, that's forward, even for you. Umm...I guess things could be better. We'd been trying for a baby, but no luck. We're kinda losing hope, so there hasn't been much action lately. Oh, why am I telling you all this?" She took in her friend Eve, looking as gorgeous as ever, especially with those huge boobs that had only grown larger after having a child. She sighed, jealous.Eve's eyes bored into hers. "Well, we were a lot closer at one point."Darla blushed. "That was when we were younger. We're both married now.""Hm."Beeeep!"Oh, my muffins..." Darla got up and headed back to the oven.Eve got to her feet as well, unzipped her slacks, and pulled down her panties as she came up behind her friend. After Darla placed the hot muffin tin on the stove top and closed the oven door, Eve grabbed her from behind, one hand moving to Darla's breast while the other went under her skirt."Eek! Eve, what are you...ohh..."Eve's hand slipped into Darla's panties and expertly manipulated her clit. "Lean forward," Eve instructed her, and she did.As she had imagined when she first walked in, Eve flipped Darla's skirt up onto her back and moved her hips forward, nudging aside the woman's panties and slotting the head of her new 3" blue cock between her friend's vaginal lips."Oh my God, Eve, what is that? Oh..." Darla felt what seemed to be a small penis pushing into her wet pussy. "Are you wearing a strap-on? That's so naughty...umm..."Eve's small penis was soon buried inside her friend's pussy, and she pulled back to slam it into her again, making Darla cry out in pleasure. "Take off your blouse," Eve urged her."Ugh...ugh...ugh..." Darla groaned as her friend thrust that hard alien cock inside her. She tried to unbutton her top, but then just gave up and pulled it up and over her head.With her quick fingers, Eve quickly unfastened Darla's bra, freeing her B-cup breasts, and moved her hands to them, squeezing those mounds and lightly pinching her nipples. "Hmm...maybe I'll fill you up with a baby..." Eve whispered into Darla's ear."Oh God!" Darla moaned. "You always know what to say to make me hot, Evie! Fuck me!"She did, pounding her new cock inside her friend's pussy. Soon, Eve felt the stirrings of an orgasm, one much like the squirting ones from the previous night with her husband. She thrust faster, feeling her new cock throbbing as her release approached.All through the previous day and night, Perry's blue sperm had been at work inside Ed's mother. Unable to find an egg to inseminate, they swam on, eventually finding one of her ovaries. Sensing the similarities between that organ and Ed's testicles, and with their need to propagate all-encompassing, they transformed that female gonad, while also increasing the mass of her clitoris and connecting that organ up to her new, blue testicle."Huh!" Eve cried out and thrust hard into Darla's pussy. Her new testicle produced a burst of blue sperm, which shot down through her pelvis and rushed up the shaft of her cock. Her new blue penis ejaculated hot alien seed into Darla's overheated vagina."Oh God...!" Darla cried out in orgasm as she felt the hot liquid shoot inside her. "What is...?! Oh!""Perry!?"*Oh, sorry, Ed, got distracted by something. What's up?*"I was gonna ask what your plans were here on Earth. You just want to be my penis forever?"*Sure, Ed! What more do I need?*Darla lay on the kitchen floor, her body intertwined with Eve's, breathing heavily. She stared at her friend's now 4" blue penis, wondering how that came to be, but strangely not worried about it.Deep inside her, Eve's blue sperm swam, searching...Ed and the Librarian. "So, when can we go fuck Charisma?" Ed whisper-asked Perry in a stall in the boy's bathroom at school. The senior student had tried to telepathically talk to the alien, but it hadn't worked. Perry insisted that he'd get it eventually, but for now he had to at least whisper.*You have to get her alone somewhere...where can we do that?* Perry asked him in his head."I...I dunno...I didn't really think about this very well, did I? If she's not in class, she's always surrounded by her friends. It's not like I can just pull you out and you'll hypnotize all of them...er, can you?"*Let's just stick to one at a time, okay, Ed? Rome wasn't built in a day.*Ed paused. "Rome? What do you know about Rome?"*I know what you know, Ed, now that we're joined.*"So...you know what I'm thinking, at all times?"*Ehh...I try not to listen in too much, but I need to know more about your world, bud. You're my Encyclopaedia Eddica.*The bell rang and Ed headed to class. A couple rows over sat Charisma, the bubble-bodied blonde cheerleader, in a tight top and short skirt, neither of which were appropriate for the school dress code, but her mostly male teachers never complained. Ed sighed and tried to think of a way to get her alone. Eventually, the teacher asked him a question, and Ed looked like an idiot when he had to ask him to repeat it. After that, he concentrated on his work.When the bell rang for lunch, Ed grabbed his stuff and followed Charisma. She would be heading to meet her friends, but in the meantime, maybe he'd have a chance to get her alone! As he entered the busy hallway, he was buffeted by the cross-channels of hangry teenagers, unconcerned about his paltry needs. He hopped up into the air for a better vantage point, spied Charisma heading down one hall, and rushed after her.He was always just a little too slow, getting blocked by people who were crossing in front of him, or stopping outright when they encountered one of their friends. He didn't want to start shoving people...that could get you a bloody nose! Finally, he rounded a corner and she was gone.He heard the library door close and followed, though he didn't know why Charisma would be in there...reading hardly seemed like one of her pastimes.*Now, now, Ed!* Perry admonished him, *Are you making assumptions based on someone's looks?*He could see Mrs. Parker at her desk. The slightly overweight, thirtysomething brunette woman, with her glasses perched on her hawkish nose, would be the epitome of a dour old librarian after another 20 years or so, Ed thought. He stepped up to her. "Um, Mrs. Parker? Did Charisma come through here?"She looked up. "The cheerleader? Heh...she wouldn't come in here by choice, Ed.""See?" Ed subvocalized to Perry."See what?" Mrs. Parker asked him.*Hmm...I think we have something she can see, Ed...* Perry suggested.Suddenly, Ed felt desire surge through him, and his eyes roamed Mrs. Parker's stacked form. Her breasts might actually be larger than his mom's, he thought. He took a quick look around and, seeing no one else in the library, unzipped his jeans. "Have a look at this, Mrs. Parker."She couldn't help but stare as Perry slithered out from Ed's zipper hole. "Umm...oh wow..." she moaned, her eyes going glassy."Is there somewhere we can go to be alone, Mrs. P?"Soon, in the library office, the curvy librarian was sucking Perry into her mouth. Ed groaned, enjoying the feeling of his new cock being fellated. Once again, he marvelled that he could feel the alien appendage as if it was his own penis."Let me see your boobs, Mrs. P." She quickly unfastened her sweater and blouse, and let those bra-covered EE-cups out to play. "Oh damn..." Ed moaned as she unfastened the bra and those massive mammaries sprang out."Let me..." she moved back and surrounded Perry with her boobs, moving them up and down the alien penis' shaft."Holy shit..." Ed had never felt anything like it, and Perry was long enough that she could continue to suck him on the downstrokes.After a few minutes of this, she got up, pulled down her skirt, hose, and panties, and bent over her desk. "Please..." she urged him.Ed was super hard now, and moved up behind her. Perry, eager as always, contorted and adjusted himself so that he could insinuate himself into the woman's wet pussy."Oh..." she moaned, "you're so big, Ed..."Once Perry was inside her, Ed started to thrust, making them moan. Ed realized that Perry had done something to him to get him into the mood to fuck her, as he hadn't really thought of the older woman as sexy before. There was no stopping him now, though! He continued to thrust his blue 10 inches into the wanton woman."Ugh! Ugh! Oh, so deep..." she moaned and orgasmed. "O-h! Oh, Ed, I may never be able to have sex with my husband again after you..."Ed felt proud at hearing that, though it was all Perry, not him, he realized. Well, he reconsidered, he was the one moving his hips, so maybe he could take a little credit? He continued to thrust, and reached around to fondle her massive boobs."Mmm..." she moaned as he pawed at her mammaries. They had grown during each of her two pregnancies. They caused her chronic back discomfort, but nobody could beat her in the breasts department. It seemed that Ed liked them, so she was happy.Then she frowned. There was something bothering her...pregnancy? Why was she thinking about that? She shook her head...she'd come back to that thought later, after this hot sex.Ed's fingers finally found Mrs. P's nipples and pinched them lightly. She gave a little squeak and came again, and this time it pushed Ed over the edge into his own orgasm. He thrust into her hard and fast, feeling his balls boil up a load of cum, which pleasurably rushed up his shaft and splashed deep inside the woman's unprotected reproductive system."Oh...!" she cried out, her waning orgasm ramping back up upon feeling Ed's hot cum fill her depths. Her spasming cervix was deluged by potent alien cum.Finally, Ed collapsed upon the woman's back, gasping. He could feel Mrs. P's pussy, still cumming as it sucked the last few drops from Perry. When she stopped vibrating, Ed pulled out, and blue-tinged semen splashed onto the office floor. "Oops! Sorry..." he offered."It's...okay, Ed..." she breathed, slowly coming back to reality. Then she stood up. "Oh! I...we...oh no! What did we do, Ed?!"Ed had re-zipped and was heading out the door. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone, Mrs. P; our secret." He gave her a wink and then went to go grab some lunch. Darla watched Eve's back as her old friend and neighbor walked back home. She couldn't believe what they had done together, Eve taking what seemed to be an actual blue penis and fucking Darla right there in the kitchen! It had been incredibly hot, especially when Eve suggested that she might even impregnate Darla, as bizarre a statement that was.Her clit itched a little, and she gave it a scratch through her skirt. She shuddered at how pleasurably sensitive it was.Deep inside the woman, Eve's blue sperm had already found Darla's waiting egg and quickly laid claim to it, one alien spermatozoa piercing the cellular membrane and injecting its genetic payload inside. Under The Bleachers. The next day, Ed once again tried to get Charisma alone during lunch, but she managed to find her friends first. The clique of cheerleaders giggled at each other over some stupid thing.*C'mon, Ed! Let's find someone else.* Perry suggested."Mrs. Parker again?" Ed considered, heading toward the library.*Naw...someone new, guy. Don't you want to 'play the field'?*Inspired, Ed headed out to the playing field, but everyone there seemed to be in groups. Then he had an idea and went under the bleachers, where he found a couple of seniors: Cora...something, and another girl he didn't know."Ugh...our secret spot isn't so secret anymore...seeya, Cora," the other girl said as she tossed the remains of her cigarette and trudged off the other way.Cora, an elfin, auburn-haired retro grunge chick, with the requisite flannel overshirt and oversized jeans, regarded Ed as he approached. "Ed, right? You smoke?" She took a puff from her cig."Umm...no," Ed responded. She knew his name?"Then what'cha doin' here? This is the unofficial smoke pit." The school had closed the official one the previous year. She held out her half-finished cancer stick to him.Ed paused only a moment before he took it and pulled a drag off of it. Then he started hacking up a lung.Cora grabbed it back with a smirk. "Poser." Then she paused, looking at his crotch. "What the hell is that?"Ed looked where her eyes were pointing. Perry was writhing within his pants. "Perry?""Who's Perry?" Cora asked, unable to tear her eyes away from Ed's undulating crotch. "Jeez! What's going on in there?"*Woo! What was that? I feel good...lemme out to play, Ed!*"The nicotine, maybe?" Ed could feel Perry straining at the confines of his jeans. "Okay, just a sec..." He unfastened his pants and Perry sprang out, hard and pointing at Cora."Holy shiuh..." The grunge girl's mouth hung open as Perry gave her his alien whammy. "I gotta...gotta have that in me, Ed..." She said and pulled off her overshirt, showing off her braless, undershirt-covered A-cup breasts, her poky nipples quite visible through the thin fabric. Then she was pulling her oversized jeans off, revealing surprisingly small hips and slim legs. Why had she been hiding her cute, sexy body with those bulky clothes? Ed wondered.She pulled down her undies and bent over, grabbing onto one of the bars that held up the bleachers. "Get that huge thing in me..." she commanded him breathily, and he stepped forward to grab her hips.Perry dipped down and slithered between her legs, making her gasp. "Oh, wow, that's...uh...oh shit..." She bent over more as Perry's head slipped between her vaginal lips, and Ed thrust in, his passage aided by her suddenly wet pussy. "Ahh fuck..." she moaned, "you're so fucking big..."As Ed thrust into the mesmerized teen, he pulled her shirt up and reached under to massage her small breasts. He felt her pussy grip him tightly, and she moaned as he stimulated her boobies.Perry noticed mucus around Cora's cervix, and remembered the lady doctor from the other day, as well as their neighbor Darla when Eve, Ed's mom, had fucked her with her new blue cock. Darla had mentioned that she was trying to get pregnant, and Eve's blue sperm had found an egg waiting inside her...that was it! He was figuring these humans out, bit by bit.Ed had found Cora's nipples and pinched them between his fingers. "Uh! Uh!" she cried out, and came again."Oh shit..." Cora's grasping pussy pushed Ed over the edge, and he thrust hard inside the slight girl. Pleasure rushed up his oversized cock, and then he blasted blue alien seed deep inside her.As she felt her fertile insides inundated by hot sperm, her nipple-induced orgasm was supplemented by a full vaginal one, and she moaned in pleasure, her needy pussy urging Ed's cum deeper inside her unprotected reproductive system. Finally, she slumped forward, barely able to hold herself up."I...I gotcha...you're in trouble!"Ed turned and saw the girl that had left earlier, now pointing her phone at them, clearly recording. He pulled out of Cora, making her gasp at the sudden evacuation, and turned to the newcomer."You...you keep away with that...thah..." The girl dropped her arms to her side, her jaw dropping open as her mind was ensorcelled by Perry's writhing form.*I got her...your turn, Ed.*My turn? Ed wondered, and then he stepped forward. "Gimme your phone." She handed it over, and he quickly stopped the recording and deleted it. When he turned back to the girl, she was on her knees and reaching for Perry.Unlike Cora, this girl had larger breasts, probably a C-cup, he figured. She wore a t-shirt and shorts, and he thought that he recognized her from the soccer team. She was pretty, not beautiful, but she had nice curly brown hair and an athletic figure. She took the first few inches of Perry into her mouth, and Ed moaned at the feeling of her warm mouth around his cock. Despite having just cum inside of Cora, he was soon ready to go again.There was no way to lay down under the bleachers without getting dirty, so he had this new girl do as Cora had, grabbing hold of a supporting bar and bending over after shucking her shorts. As with Cora, her juicy pussy allowed Perry easy access to her sodden depths.Ed was amazed that two women's vaginas could be so different. Cora's had been tight but slick, but this girl's pussy was looser, but also somehow less slippery, her vaginal walls pulling at the skin of his cock as he thrust and withdrew. Both were amazing...Perry had been right to suggest fucking a variety of women, Ed realized. He pulled up her shirt to get at her boobs, though he had to unfasten her bra first, and then his hands were mashing her more substantial breasts between his fingers, making her gasp in pleasure.Cora...he looked around. She was laying on the ground, unconscious, near the supporting bar he had fucked her against. "Did you knock Cora out?" he asked Perry subvocally.*Yeah...controlling more than one at a time's a strain, Ed. I brain-blitzed her so you can do this one...what's her name?*Ed considered. "You know what? I don't even care." And he thrust faster into the athletic girl.*Good for you, man! You'll be a player in no time!*"Oh God..." the girl moaned, "...oh God..." Then as Ed thrust one last time and buried his cock as deep as possible inside her, she cried out, "Oh God!" as she felt Ed's hot sperm bathe the walls of her vulnerable pussy, the sensation causing her own orgasm to wash over her. "Uh! Uh! Uh!"Then the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. Ed's empty stomach growled, but his cock felt damn good, and that was what mattered, he figured. He pulled out, causing the girl to gasp and sink to her knees, Ed's white semen splashing out and soaking the ground between them. Then he zipped up and headed back to class. In the afternoon, a census taker arrived at Ed's house. Eve invited the woman in before seducing her and filling her up with a load of blue sperm. The woman left on unsteady legs, her body inundated with alien seed, swimming deeper into her vulnerable insides...Spring Break, and a visit from extended family.For the rest of the week, Ed was unable to get the primary object of his lust, the cheerleader Charisma, alone. He made do with any other senior students or teachers that he could find, though, filling them up with his alien sperm, unmindful of the danger. Then Spring Break started."Okay, when Erin's family gets here, we're going to have you..." Ed's mother Eve pointed at her husband Bob, "in Ed's room with Dave. I'll be sleeping with my sister in our room, since I haven't done that in forever, and then the kids will take the living room, like normal."Ed scratched his head. Normally Aunt Erin and Uncle Dave would take his room. This changeup was odd."I don't wanna sleep on the floor, Eve," Dave told her.She gave him the look that told him that she was done arguing. "Just blow up the air mattress, Bob; it's only one night.""Humph." When his aunt's family arrived, Ed was surprised to see that his strawberry blonde cousin Julie had grown even taller in the last year, about 5'10" now, though the 18-year-old's willowy figure had filled out as well, becoming more substantial in the hips and bust. He waited for Perry to say something about the gorgeous young woman, but he had been strangely silent for most of the day. Ed hoped that the alien parasite was finally realizing that his family was off limits. Next door, Eve's neighbor Darla had invited another neighbor, Mrs. Chen, over for tea. Darla's new 5" blue cock, overstimulated by the other woman's orgasming pussy, ejaculated alien seed deep inside her. Across town, the curvy librarian Mrs. Parker was sawing her new 5" blue cock into the juicy pussy of Mrs. Abed, the co-owner of the local convenience store. Bags of chips rained down from the shelves from their frenzied coupling. After a sumptuous dinner, the extended family sat down to play some board games. Ed and Julie's team stomped the parents at Pictionary, but then the brother-in-laws Bob and Dave destroyed everyone with their ability to remember useless facts in Trivial Pursuit. Finally, it was time for bed.The taller Julie took the couch, of course. Ed had mixed feelings when he found that he had grown just enough that he could no longer fully stretch out on the love seat. After some uncomfortable adjustments, he finally fell asleep. Erin, Ed's Aunt, woke up to find what she thought was her husband sidling up to her, his hard cock poking into her thigh. "Oh, Dave..." she moaned, and raised her leg to allow his penis to slip between her thighs. Her bedmate slipped lower, and she could feel that hard cock start to press between her vaginal folds.Then she remembered that she wasn't at home, and had gone to bed with her sister. "Wait, wha?"Then Eve thrust, burying her now 6" blue penis deep inside her sister's pussy.Erin gasped, feeling pleasure blossoming from within her. She moved a hand to her partner's chest and found her sister's substantial breasts. "Wha? Evie? How?""Shush!" Eve responded as she started to thrust in and out of her sister's well-lubricated pussy.Erin moved her hand down, between her sister's thighs, and felt the impossible cock there. It wasn't a strap-on dildo; there was no belt or harness. Everything felt unreal...was she dreaming? she wondered. She felt Eve's fingers move her hand aside so that she could thrum her sister's clit. "Oh..." Her nipples were so hard under the fabric of her nightie...she lay back and enjoyed what her sister was doing to her, the craziness of it not fully registering in her conscious mind.Soon, she felt her orgasm rise from her clitoris and where that wonderful cock slid along her most private of places. "Oh, Evie...Evie...Unh!""Yes.." Eve hissed, and thrust deep. Her own orgasm rushed up through her cock and injected blue sperm inside her orgasming sister's pussy.Erin's eyes flew open as she felt that amazing cock throb, and then hot cum splashed deep inside her. That sensation took her orgasm and rebounded it through her body. Her back arched in pleasure as her cervix spasmed open, allowing her sister's alien sperm to seep through into her fertile, forbidden depths. "Uh! Uh! Uh..." "Perry?" Ed couldn't sleep. Julie's breathing was regular now, so he figured it was safe to talk.*Oh! Hey, Ed!*"You didn't answer me all evening. Were you sleeping?"*Naw...I gotta make sure things are progressing well, y'know?*"Progressing?""Who are you talking to? Are you on the phone?" Julie asked. A light shone at him from the couch."Ack!" Ed cried out, covering his eyes against the sudden glare."What...is that?"Oh no! Ed realized that Perry was moving. "Don't look, Julie! I'm not decent!" He moved his hands down to try to cover up, but Perry slipped out of Ed's underwear and thrashed his blanket off."Oh my god! Is that your penis..." The light flipped up to illuminate the ceiling as her phone fell to the carpeted floor.Ed froze. "Julie?" He couldn't see, as the beam had been right in his eyes and now it wasn't. He blinked, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the gloom, and then he felt her grab his cock."Julie, no! I mean, Perry, no!" Ed hissed. "She's my cousin!"*Mother this, cousin that! You know what, Ed? I think you need to expand your horizons!* With that, Ed felt his cock get harder as a rush of desire roared through him."Oh no..." Ed moaned as Julie took Perry into his mouth. "Julie..." She grasped his shaft and stroked, making him feel tremendously good as he lay back. Then she took her mouth off of him and he felt her climbing on top of him. "No..." Then Perry was slithering up inside her.*Mmm! Some yummy blood up in here! Munch munch munch!*Ed raised his head. "Oh shit! Was she a virgin?"*Nope! I had no problem getting in. The blood seems to be coming from further inside.*Julie was on her period, Ed realized. Well, at least there was no way that he was going to get her pregnant...He paused. He had been fucking women every day since Perry had arrived, without a condom...why hadn't he even considered that he could get those women pregnant? Was this Perry's doing, or was he just that dense?*Fuck fuck fuck!* Perry urged him.Julie was grinding herself down on him now, having finally been able to take all 10 inches of him inside herself. Ed raised his knees, grabbed his cousin's rounded hips, and lifted her up and down upon his cock."Huh! Uh! Oh..." she moaned, feeling Ed's huge member filling her, unlike her boyfriend with his mere six incher. She pulled her t-shirt off, setting her B-cup breasts free, and now that Ed's eyes had adjusted to the scant light from her phone flashlight reflecting off of the ceiling, he saw that they were amazing, pale and round, with small, dark areolas. He leaned forward to take one into his mouth."A-ahh!" Julie cried out as he greedily sucked. "Careful! They're really sensitive at this time of the month, Ed."He switched to licking at her nipples instead. She rode him harder."It's...so deep..." Julie moaned. Then she stopped moving. "Oh my god...it's...pushing...ow...!"Ed stopped moving as well. "Perry? What're you doing?"*I'm peckish for period, Ed! Yummy!*Ed didn't know enough about female anatomy to realize that Perry had forced his way through Julie's cervical opening and was now in her womb, consuming all the excess uterine lining that was sloughing off. All Ed knew was that Julie was in pain. He reached down and flicked at her clitoris while he continued to lick at her nipple.After a minute she relaxed. "It's...better now..." she whispered, and then she began riding him again. "That felt so strange, almost like losing my virginity again, but it's feeling...good...oh..."Ed could feel her pussy gripping him tighter and knew that he wasn't going to be able to last much longer. "Can we be...kissing cousins?" he asked her."Mmm..." she moaned, and moved forward to kiss him passionately. As her tongue speared into his mouth, he felt his balls give up their contents. His cum rushed up his lengthy shaft and was injected directly into her uterus."Umm!" Julie screamed into his mouth as she came hard, her body shaking in extreme pleasure as Perry spewed hot alien seed into the deepest recesses of her body. They found one of her ovaries within minutes and began the transformation process, just as their compatriots had done with several other women over the past couple of weeks.In the morning, Julie woke Ed up, excited. "My period's all gone! I should come visit you every month, Ed!"Ed looked around worriedly and then laughed, glad that nobody had overheard that.After breakfast, both families gave each other hugs and Aunt Erin and her brood headed home. What a crazy night, she thought as her husband drove them home.Deep inside her womb, her sister's blue sperm penetrated her vulnerable egg. The fertilized ovum would implant itself into the lining of her uterus the next day.To be continued in part 3, by Krosis for Literotica

Steamy Stories
Perry, The Galactic Penis: Part 2

Steamy Stories

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 19, 2024


Mom and the Neighbor.by Krosis. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the way to school, Ed asked Perry, "So where are you from, originally?"*Long way from here, Ed...not even sure you'd have a proper frame of reference.*"How am I hearing you in my head?"*I told you before, dude, we are one. If you work at it, you won't even have to vocalize for me to 'hear' you.*"Really? Cool." He continued walking. "Hey, Perry?"There was no response. "Perry?""Knock knock!" Eve Doughtry called out, looking in through her neighbor Darla's screen door. Her friend's pretty face poked out from the kitchen."Eve! C'mon in!"She did so, and rounded the corner to find Darla's wide ass pointing right at her as the woman pushed a tray of muffins into the oven. Eve suddenly had a strong urge to flip the woman's skirt up and...She shook her head. And what? Where had that come from? she wondered.Darla stood up and turned around, a vision of brunette beauty, 5'3" and voluptuous. "Lemonade?" she asked.Eve nodded, and they sat at the kitchen table to chat. After shooting the shit about the usual subjects, Eve asked her, "So how's the sex life?"Darla spluttered around a mouthful of lemonade. "Cripes, Eve, that's forward, even for you. Umm...I guess things could be better. We'd been trying for a baby, but no luck. We're kinda losing hope, so there hasn't been much action lately. Oh, why am I telling you all this?" She took in her friend Eve, looking as gorgeous as ever, especially with those huge boobs that had only grown larger after having a child. She sighed, jealous.Eve's eyes bored into hers. "Well, we were a lot closer at one point."Darla blushed. "That was when we were younger. We're both married now.""Hm."Beeeep!"Oh, my muffins..." Darla got up and headed back to the oven.Eve got to her feet as well, unzipped her slacks, and pulled down her panties as she came up behind her friend. After Darla placed the hot muffin tin on the stove top and closed the oven door, Eve grabbed her from behind, one hand moving to Darla's breast while the other went under her skirt."Eek! Eve, what are you...ohh..."Eve's hand slipped into Darla's panties and expertly manipulated her clit. "Lean forward," Eve instructed her, and she did.As she had imagined when she first walked in, Eve flipped Darla's skirt up onto her back and moved her hips forward, nudging aside the woman's panties and slotting the head of her new 3" blue cock between her friend's vaginal lips."Oh my God, Eve, what is that? Oh..." Darla felt what seemed to be a small penis pushing into her wet pussy. "Are you wearing a strap-on? That's so naughty...umm..."Eve's small penis was soon buried inside her friend's pussy, and she pulled back to slam it into her again, making Darla cry out in pleasure. "Take off your blouse," Eve urged her."Ugh...ugh...ugh..." Darla groaned as her friend thrust that hard alien cock inside her. She tried to unbutton her top, but then just gave up and pulled it up and over her head.With her quick fingers, Eve quickly unfastened Darla's bra, freeing her B-cup breasts, and moved her hands to them, squeezing those mounds and lightly pinching her nipples. "Hmm...maybe I'll fill you up with a baby..." Eve whispered into Darla's ear."Oh God!" Darla moaned. "You always know what to say to make me hot, Evie! Fuck me!"She did, pounding her new cock inside her friend's pussy. Soon, Eve felt the stirrings of an orgasm, one much like the squirting ones from the previous night with her husband. She thrust faster, feeling her new cock throbbing as her release approached.All through the previous day and night, Perry's blue sperm had been at work inside Ed's mother. Unable to find an egg to inseminate, they swam on, eventually finding one of her ovaries. Sensing the similarities between that organ and Ed's testicles, and with their need to propagate all-encompassing, they transformed that female gonad, while also increasing the mass of her clitoris and connecting that organ up to her new, blue testicle."Huh!" Eve cried out and thrust hard into Darla's pussy. Her new testicle produced a burst of blue sperm, which shot down through her pelvis and rushed up the shaft of her cock. Her new blue penis ejaculated hot alien seed into Darla's overheated vagina."Oh God...!" Darla cried out in orgasm as she felt the hot liquid shoot inside her. "What is...?! Oh!""Perry!?"*Oh, sorry, Ed, got distracted by something. What's up?*"I was gonna ask what your plans were here on Earth. You just want to be my penis forever?"*Sure, Ed! What more do I need?*Darla lay on the kitchen floor, her body intertwined with Eve's, breathing heavily. She stared at her friend's now 4" blue penis, wondering how that came to be, but strangely not worried about it.Deep inside her, Eve's blue sperm swam, searching...Ed and the Librarian. "So, when can we go fuck Charisma?" Ed whisper-asked Perry in a stall in the boy's bathroom at school. The senior student had tried to telepathically talk to the alien, but it hadn't worked. Perry insisted that he'd get it eventually, but for now he had to at least whisper.*You have to get her alone somewhere...where can we do that?* Perry asked him in his head."I...I dunno...I didn't really think about this very well, did I? If she's not in class, she's always surrounded by her friends. It's not like I can just pull you out and you'll hypnotize all of them...er, can you?"*Let's just stick to one at a time, okay, Ed? Rome wasn't built in a day.*Ed paused. "Rome? What do you know about Rome?"*I know what you know, Ed, now that we're joined.*"So...you know what I'm thinking, at all times?"*Ehh...I try not to listen in too much, but I need to know more about your world, bud. You're my Encyclopaedia Eddica.*The bell rang and Ed headed to class. A couple rows over sat Charisma, the bubble-bodied blonde cheerleader, in a tight top and short skirt, neither of which were appropriate for the school dress code, but her mostly male teachers never complained. Ed sighed and tried to think of a way to get her alone. Eventually, the teacher asked him a question, and Ed looked like an idiot when he had to ask him to repeat it. After that, he concentrated on his work.When the bell rang for lunch, Ed grabbed his stuff and followed Charisma. She would be heading to meet her friends, but in the meantime, maybe he'd have a chance to get her alone! As he entered the busy hallway, he was buffeted by the cross-channels of hangry teenagers, unconcerned about his paltry needs. He hopped up into the air for a better vantage point, spied Charisma heading down one hall, and rushed after her.He was always just a little too slow, getting blocked by people who were crossing in front of him, or stopping outright when they encountered one of their friends. He didn't want to start shoving people...that could get you a bloody nose! Finally, he rounded a corner and she was gone.He heard the library door close and followed, though he didn't know why Charisma would be in there...reading hardly seemed like one of her pastimes.*Now, now, Ed!* Perry admonished him, *Are you making assumptions based on someone's looks?*He could see Mrs. Parker at her desk. The slightly overweight, thirtysomething brunette woman, with her glasses perched on her hawkish nose, would be the epitome of a dour old librarian after another 20 years or so, Ed thought. He stepped up to her. "Um, Mrs. Parker? Did Charisma come through here?"She looked up. "The cheerleader? Heh...she wouldn't come in here by choice, Ed.""See?" Ed subvocalized to Perry."See what?" Mrs. Parker asked him.*Hmm...I think we have something she can see, Ed...* Perry suggested.Suddenly, Ed felt desire surge through him, and his eyes roamed Mrs. Parker's stacked form. Her breasts might actually be larger than his mom's, he thought. He took a quick look around and, seeing no one else in the library, unzipped his jeans. "Have a look at this, Mrs. Parker."She couldn't help but stare as Perry slithered out from Ed's zipper hole. "Umm...oh wow..." she moaned, her eyes going glassy."Is there somewhere we can go to be alone, Mrs. P?"Soon, in the library office, the curvy librarian was sucking Perry into her mouth. Ed groaned, enjoying the feeling of his new cock being fellated. Once again, he marvelled that he could feel the alien appendage as if it was his own penis."Let me see your boobs, Mrs. P." She quickly unfastened her sweater and blouse, and let those bra-covered EE-cups out to play. "Oh damn..." Ed moaned as she unfastened the bra and those massive mammaries sprang out."Let me..." she moved back and surrounded Perry with her boobs, moving them up and down the alien penis' shaft."Holy shit..." Ed had never felt anything like it, and Perry was long enough that she could continue to suck him on the downstrokes.After a few minutes of this, she got up, pulled down her skirt, hose, and panties, and bent over her desk. "Please..." she urged him.Ed was super hard now, and moved up behind her. Perry, eager as always, contorted and adjusted himself so that he could insinuate himself into the woman's wet pussy."Oh..." she moaned, "you're so big, Ed..."Once Perry was inside her, Ed started to thrust, making them moan. Ed realized that Perry had done something to him to get him into the mood to fuck her, as he hadn't really thought of the older woman as sexy before. There was no stopping him now, though! He continued to thrust his blue 10 inches into the wanton woman."Ugh! Ugh! Oh, so deep..." she moaned and orgasmed. "O-h! Oh, Ed, I may never be able to have sex with my husband again after you..."Ed felt proud at hearing that, though it was all Perry, not him, he realized. Well, he reconsidered, he was the one moving his hips, so maybe he could take a little credit? He continued to thrust, and reached around to fondle her massive boobs."Mmm..." she moaned as he pawed at her mammaries. They had grown during each of her two pregnancies. They caused her chronic back discomfort, but nobody could beat her in the breasts department. It seemed that Ed liked them, so she was happy.Then she frowned. There was something bothering her...pregnancy? Why was she thinking about that? She shook her head...she'd come back to that thought later, after this hot sex.Ed's fingers finally found Mrs. P's nipples and pinched them lightly. She gave a little squeak and came again, and this time it pushed Ed over the edge into his own orgasm. He thrust into her hard and fast, feeling his balls boil up a load of cum, which pleasurably rushed up his shaft and splashed deep inside the woman's unprotected reproductive system."Oh...!" she cried out, her waning orgasm ramping back up upon feeling Ed's hot cum fill her depths. Her spasming cervix was deluged by potent alien cum.Finally, Ed collapsed upon the woman's back, gasping. He could feel Mrs. P's pussy, still cumming as it sucked the last few drops from Perry. When she stopped vibrating, Ed pulled out, and blue-tinged semen splashed onto the office floor. "Oops! Sorry..." he offered."It's...okay, Ed..." she breathed, slowly coming back to reality. Then she stood up. "Oh! I...we...oh no! What did we do, Ed?!"Ed had re-zipped and was heading out the door. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone, Mrs. P; our secret." He gave her a wink and then went to go grab some lunch. Darla watched Eve's back as her old friend and neighbor walked back home. She couldn't believe what they had done together, Eve taking what seemed to be an actual blue penis and fucking Darla right there in the kitchen! It had been incredibly hot, especially when Eve suggested that she might even impregnate Darla, as bizarre a statement that was.Her clit itched a little, and she gave it a scratch through her skirt. She shuddered at how pleasurably sensitive it was.Deep inside the woman, Eve's blue sperm had already found Darla's waiting egg and quickly laid claim to it, one alien spermatozoa piercing the cellular membrane and injecting its genetic payload inside. Under The Bleachers. The next day, Ed once again tried to get Charisma alone during lunch, but she managed to find her friends first. The clique of cheerleaders giggled at each other over some stupid thing.*C'mon, Ed! Let's find someone else.* Perry suggested."Mrs. Parker again?" Ed considered, heading toward the library.*Naw...someone new, guy. Don't you want to 'play the field'?*Inspired, Ed headed out to the playing field, but everyone there seemed to be in groups. Then he had an idea and went under the bleachers, where he found a couple of seniors: Cora...something, and another girl he didn't know."Ugh...our secret spot isn't so secret anymore...seeya, Cora," the other girl said as she tossed the remains of her cigarette and trudged off the other way.Cora, an elfin, auburn-haired retro grunge chick, with the requisite flannel overshirt and oversized jeans, regarded Ed as he approached. "Ed, right? You smoke?" She took a puff from her cig."Umm...no," Ed responded. She knew his name?"Then what'cha doin' here? This is the unofficial smoke pit." The school had closed the official one the previous year. She held out her half-finished cancer stick to him.Ed paused only a moment before he took it and pulled a drag off of it. Then he started hacking up a lung.Cora grabbed it back with a smirk. "Poser." Then she paused, looking at his crotch. "What the hell is that?"Ed looked where her eyes were pointing. Perry was writhing within his pants. "Perry?""Who's Perry?" Cora asked, unable to tear her eyes away from Ed's undulating crotch. "Jeez! What's going on in there?"*Woo! What was that? I feel good...lemme out to play, Ed!*"The nicotine, maybe?" Ed could feel Perry straining at the confines of his jeans. "Okay, just a sec..." He unfastened his pants and Perry sprang out, hard and pointing at Cora."Holy shiuh..." The grunge girl's mouth hung open as Perry gave her his alien whammy. "I gotta...gotta have that in me, Ed..." She said and pulled off her overshirt, showing off her braless, undershirt-covered A-cup breasts, her poky nipples quite visible through the thin fabric. Then she was pulling her oversized jeans off, revealing surprisingly small hips and slim legs. Why had she been hiding her cute, sexy body with those bulky clothes? Ed wondered.She pulled down her undies and bent over, grabbing onto one of the bars that held up the bleachers. "Get that huge thing in me..." she commanded him breathily, and he stepped forward to grab her hips.Perry dipped down and slithered between her legs, making her gasp. "Oh, wow, that's...uh...oh shit..." She bent over more as Perry's head slipped between her vaginal lips, and Ed thrust in, his passage aided by her suddenly wet pussy. "Ahh fuck..." she moaned, "you're so fucking big..."As Ed thrust into the mesmerized teen, he pulled her shirt up and reached under to massage her small breasts. He felt her pussy grip him tightly, and she moaned as he stimulated her boobies.Perry noticed mucus around Cora's cervix, and remembered the lady doctor from the other day, as well as their neighbor Darla when Eve, Ed's mom, had fucked her with her new blue cock. Darla had mentioned that she was trying to get pregnant, and Eve's blue sperm had found an egg waiting inside her...that was it! He was figuring these humans out, bit by bit.Ed had found Cora's nipples and pinched them between his fingers. "Uh! Uh!" she cried out, and came again."Oh shit..." Cora's grasping pussy pushed Ed over the edge, and he thrust hard inside the slight girl. Pleasure rushed up his oversized cock, and then he blasted blue alien seed deep inside her.As she felt her fertile insides inundated by hot sperm, her nipple-induced orgasm was supplemented by a full vaginal one, and she moaned in pleasure, her needy pussy urging Ed's cum deeper inside her unprotected reproductive system. Finally, she slumped forward, barely able to hold herself up."I...I gotcha...you're in trouble!"Ed turned and saw the girl that had left earlier, now pointing her phone at them, clearly recording. He pulled out of Cora, making her gasp at the sudden evacuation, and turned to the newcomer."You...you keep away with that...thah..." The girl dropped her arms to her side, her jaw dropping open as her mind was ensorcelled by Perry's writhing form.*I got her...your turn, Ed.*My turn? Ed wondered, and then he stepped forward. "Gimme your phone." She handed it over, and he quickly stopped the recording and deleted it. When he turned back to the girl, she was on her knees and reaching for Perry.Unlike Cora, this girl had larger breasts, probably a C-cup, he figured. She wore a t-shirt and shorts, and he thought that he recognized her from the soccer team. She was pretty, not beautiful, but she had nice curly brown hair and an athletic figure. She took the first few inches of Perry into her mouth, and Ed moaned at the feeling of her warm mouth around his cock. Despite having just cum inside of Cora, he was soon ready to go again.There was no way to lay down under the bleachers without getting dirty, so he had this new girl do as Cora had, grabbing hold of a supporting bar and bending over after shucking her shorts. As with Cora, her juicy pussy allowed Perry easy access to her sodden depths.Ed was amazed that two women's vaginas could be so different. Cora's had been tight but slick, but this girl's pussy was looser, but also somehow less slippery, her vaginal walls pulling at the skin of his cock as he thrust and withdrew. Both were amazing...Perry had been right to suggest fucking a variety of women, Ed realized. He pulled up her shirt to get at her boobs, though he had to unfasten her bra first, and then his hands were mashing her more substantial breasts between his fingers, making her gasp in pleasure.Cora...he looked around. She was laying on the ground, unconscious, near the supporting bar he had fucked her against. "Did you knock Cora out?" he asked Perry subvocally.*Yeah...controlling more than one at a time's a strain, Ed. I brain-blitzed her so you can do this one...what's her name?*Ed considered. "You know what? I don't even care." And he thrust faster into the athletic girl.*Good for you, man! You'll be a player in no time!*"Oh God..." the girl moaned, "...oh God..." Then as Ed thrust one last time and buried his cock as deep as possible inside her, she cried out, "Oh God!" as she felt Ed's hot sperm bathe the walls of her vulnerable pussy, the sensation causing her own orgasm to wash over her. "Uh! Uh! Uh!"Then the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. Ed's empty stomach growled, but his cock felt damn good, and that was what mattered, he figured. He pulled out, causing the girl to gasp and sink to her knees, Ed's white semen splashing out and soaking the ground between them. Then he zipped up and headed back to class. In the afternoon, a census taker arrived at Ed's house. Eve invited the woman in before seducing her and filling her up with a load of blue sperm. The woman left on unsteady legs, her body inundated with alien seed, swimming deeper into her vulnerable insides...Spring Break, and a visit from extended family.For the rest of the week, Ed was unable to get the primary object of his lust, the cheerleader Charisma, alone. He made do with any other senior students or teachers that he could find, though, filling them up with his alien sperm, unmindful of the danger. Then Spring Break started."Okay, when Erin's family gets here, we're going to have you..." Ed's mother Eve pointed at her husband Bob, "in Ed's room with Dave. I'll be sleeping with my sister in our room, since I haven't done that in forever, and then the kids will take the living room, like normal."Ed scratched his head. Normally Aunt Erin and Uncle Dave would take his room. This changeup was odd."I don't wanna sleep on the floor, Eve," Dave told her.She gave him the look that told him that she was done arguing. "Just blow up the air mattress, Bob; it's only one night.""Humph." When his aunt's family arrived, Ed was surprised to see that his strawberry blonde cousin Julie had grown even taller in the last year, about 5'10" now, though the 18-year-old's willowy figure had filled out as well, becoming more substantial in the hips and bust. He waited for Perry to say something about the gorgeous young woman, but he had been strangely silent for most of the day. Ed hoped that the alien parasite was finally realizing that his family was off limits. Next door, Eve's neighbor Darla had invited another neighbor, Mrs. Chen, over for tea. Darla's new 5" blue cock, overstimulated by the other woman's orgasming pussy, ejaculated alien seed deep inside her. Across town, the curvy librarian Mrs. Parker was sawing her new 5" blue cock into the juicy pussy of Mrs. Abed, the co-owner of the local convenience store. Bags of chips rained down from the shelves from their frenzied coupling. After a sumptuous dinner, the extended family sat down to play some board games. Ed and Julie's team stomped the parents at Pictionary, but then the brother-in-laws Bob and Dave destroyed everyone with their ability to remember useless facts in Trivial Pursuit. Finally, it was time for bed.The taller Julie took the couch, of course. Ed had mixed feelings when he found that he had grown just enough that he could no longer fully stretch out on the love seat. After some uncomfortable adjustments, he finally fell asleep. Erin, Ed's Aunt, woke up to find what she thought was her husband sidling up to her, his hard cock poking into her thigh. "Oh, Dave..." she moaned, and raised her leg to allow his penis to slip between her thighs. Her bedmate slipped lower, and she could feel that hard cock start to press between her vaginal folds.Then she remembered that she wasn't at home, and had gone to bed with her sister. "Wait, wha?"Then Eve thrust, burying her now 6" blue penis deep inside her sister's pussy.Erin gasped, feeling pleasure blossoming from within her. She moved a hand to her partner's chest and found her sister's substantial breasts. "Wha? Evie? How?""Shush!" Eve responded as she started to thrust in and out of her sister's well-lubricated pussy.Erin moved her hand down, between her sister's thighs, and felt the impossible cock there. It wasn't a strap-on dildo; there was no belt or harness. Everything felt unreal...was she dreaming? she wondered. She felt Eve's fingers move her hand aside so that she could thrum her sister's clit. "Oh..." Her nipples were so hard under the fabric of her nightie...she lay back and enjoyed what her sister was doing to her, the craziness of it not fully registering in her conscious mind.Soon, she felt her orgasm rise from her clitoris and where that wonderful cock slid along her most private of places. "Oh, Evie...Evie...Unh!""Yes.." Eve hissed, and thrust deep. Her own orgasm rushed up through her cock and injected blue sperm inside her orgasming sister's pussy.Erin's eyes flew open as she felt that amazing cock throb, and then hot cum splashed deep inside her. That sensation took her orgasm and rebounded it through her body. Her back arched in pleasure as her cervix spasmed open, allowing her sister's alien sperm to seep through into her fertile, forbidden depths. "Uh! Uh! Uh..." "Perry?" Ed couldn't sleep. Julie's breathing was regular now, so he figured it was safe to talk.*Oh! Hey, Ed!*"You didn't answer me all evening. Were you sleeping?"*Naw...I gotta make sure things are progressing well, y'know?*"Progressing?""Who are you talking to? Are you on the phone?" Julie asked. A light shone at him from the couch."Ack!" Ed cried out, covering his eyes against the sudden glare."What...is that?"Oh no! Ed realized that Perry was moving. "Don't look, Julie! I'm not decent!" He moved his hands down to try to cover up, but Perry slipped out of Ed's underwear and thrashed his blanket off."Oh my god! Is that your penis..." The light flipped up to illuminate the ceiling as her phone fell to the carpeted floor.Ed froze. "Julie?" He couldn't see, as the beam had been right in his eyes and now it wasn't. He blinked, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the gloom, and then he felt her grab his cock."Julie, no! I mean, Perry, no!" Ed hissed. "She's my cousin!"*Mother this, cousin that! You know what, Ed? I think you need to expand your horizons!* With that, Ed felt his cock get harder as a rush of desire roared through him."Oh no..." Ed moaned as Julie took Perry into his mouth. "Julie..." She grasped his shaft and stroked, making him feel tremendously good as he lay back. Then she took her mouth off of him and he felt her climbing on top of him. "No..." Then Perry was slithering up inside her.*Mmm! Some yummy blood up in here! Munch munch munch!*Ed raised his head. "Oh shit! Was she a virgin?"*Nope! I had no problem getting in. The blood seems to be coming from further inside.*Julie was on her period, Ed realized. Well, at least there was no way that he was going to get her pregnant...He paused. He had been fucking women every day since Perry had arrived, without a condom...why hadn't he even considered that he could get those women pregnant? Was this Perry's doing, or was he just that dense?*Fuck fuck fuck!* Perry urged him.Julie was grinding herself down on him now, having finally been able to take all 10 inches of him inside herself. Ed raised his knees, grabbed his cousin's rounded hips, and lifted her up and down upon his cock."Huh! Uh! Oh..." she moaned, feeling Ed's huge member filling her, unlike her boyfriend with his mere six incher. She pulled her t-shirt off, setting her B-cup breasts free, and now that Ed's eyes had adjusted to the scant light from her phone flashlight reflecting off of the ceiling, he saw that they were amazing, pale and round, with small, dark areolas. He leaned forward to take one into his mouth."A-ahh!" Julie cried out as he greedily sucked. "Careful! They're really sensitive at this time of the month, Ed."He switched to licking at her nipples instead. She rode him harder."It's...so deep..." Julie moaned. Then she stopped moving. "Oh my god...it's...pushing...ow...!"Ed stopped moving as well. "Perry? What're you doing?"*I'm peckish for period, Ed! Yummy!*Ed didn't know enough about female anatomy to realize that Perry had forced his way through Julie's cervical opening and was now in her womb, consuming all the excess uterine lining that was sloughing off. All Ed knew was that Julie was in pain. He reached down and flicked at her clitoris while he continued to lick at her nipple.After a minute she relaxed. "It's...better now..." she whispered, and then she began riding him again. "That felt so strange, almost like losing my virginity again, but it's feeling...good...oh..."Ed could feel her pussy gripping him tighter and knew that he wasn't going to be able to last much longer. "Can we be...kissing cousins?" he asked her."Mmm..." she moaned, and moved forward to kiss him passionately. As her tongue speared into his mouth, he felt his balls give up their contents. His cum rushed up his lengthy shaft and was injected directly into her uterus."Umm!" Julie screamed into his mouth as she came hard, her body shaking in extreme pleasure as Perry spewed hot alien seed into the deepest recesses of her body. They found one of her ovaries within minutes and began the transformation process, just as their compatriots had done with several other women over the past couple of weeks.In the morning, Julie woke Ed up, excited. "My period's all gone! I should come visit you every month, Ed!"Ed looked around worriedly and then laughed, glad that nobody had overheard that.After breakfast, both families gave each other hugs and Aunt Erin and her brood headed home. What a crazy night, she thought as her husband drove them home.Deep inside her womb, her sister's blue sperm penetrated her vulnerable egg. The fertilized ovum would implant itself into the lining of her uterus the next day.To be continued in part 3, by Krosis for Literotica

AlmostSideways Podcast
CCLXXIX: DUMB AND DUMBER 30TH ANNIVERSARY DEEP DIVE, Longlegs

AlmostSideways Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 16, 2024 152:48


Recorded - 7/14/2024 On Episode 279 of the Almost Sideways Movie Podcast, we discuss a comedy classic celebrating its 30th anniversary this year. Who's dumber: Harry or Lloyd? What's the best line to quote? What's the most clever line of the film? Before that, we also review the latest entry into the Cager: Longlegs. Don't forget to catch us Sunday, July 21st at 3pm PT for our 2009 Almost Sideways Awards Show. We will be honoring all the greatest (and worst) films from 15 years ago. Watch us live on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/live/Gu3vKXKk3F0?si=8k7JAFGyp6KCSJ6V Here are the highlights of Episode 279: What We've Been Watching (8:20) Terry Reviews: "Tangerines" (Oscar watch) & "Touch" (16:30) Todd TallaBoogie Review: "Entertainment" (20:00) Zach Catchup Reviews: "Kinds of Kindness", "Thelma", "MaXXXine", "Daddio" (28:50) Featured Cager Review: "Longlegs" 30TH ANNIVERSARY DEEP DIVE: "DUMB AND DUMBER" (47:20) Trivia (58:00) First Impressions (1:19:30) Mt. Rushmore: Farrelly Brothers (1:28:00) Recasting "Dumb and Dumber" (1:45:30) Highest WAR, Worst Performance, Minor Character Triumvirate (1:58:40) Tripod of Depravity, Best Scene, Regal Quote (2:13:10) Cripes and Conspiracies (2:23:00) LVP, MVP, Quote of the Day Find AlmostSideways everywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠almostsideways.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/AlmostSidewayscom-130953353614569/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AlmostSideways Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: @almostsideways ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Terry's Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: @almostsideterry ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Zach's Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: @pro_zach36 Todd: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Too Cool for Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Adam's Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: @adamsideways ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Apple Podcasts⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/almostsideways-podcast/id1270959022⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/7oVcx7Y9U2Bj2dhTECzZ4m⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Stitcher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/almost-sideways-movie-podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfEoLqGyjn9M5Mr8umWiktA/featured?view_as=subscriber

Stuff That Interests Me
I Keep Saying It: The Risk Is Not Owning Bitcoin

Stuff That Interests Me

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 29, 2024 12:05


Bitcoin is off on one its runs, it seems. Congratulations to all who bought and held. It is now trading at all-time highs in 30 different currencies around the world, currencies representing more than 60% of the world's population. How about that for a thought?From China and India to Congo and Sudan, it's like a Noel Coward song.In US dollars, we are flirting with $60,000, still roughly 15% from the peak of US$69,000, the all-time high back in late 2021.In British pounds, the all-time high was around £48,000. We are touching that now.Meanwhile, Microstrategy (NDX.MSTR), which we suggested as a means to play bitcoin via a traditional broker, and avoid the FCA-created headaches of buying and investing bitcoin in the UK, is going great guns. $960 now. It was $350 when we first recommended it in the summer. Is it too late to buy?No. I haven't been asked on TV to talk about it yet. See me on the box, then you can start getting concerned that the top is near. (Here's one from BBC Daily Politics towards the end of a previous cycle. Chief Economist Dr Savvas Savouri. LOL)There is no doubt that the market is hot, hot, hot at the moment, and when markets get this hot, that usually means it's time to back off. Cripes, the amount of excitement on social media is screaming run away. But bitcoin is like one of those metals - tungsten or tantalum - which can withstand abnormally high levels of heat. The evidence of previous bull markets is that bitcoin gets overbought and stays overbought.It's usually better to buy when the markets are quiet, when nobody cares. But that is not where we now are.I have repeatedly argued that the risk with bitcoin is not owning it; it is not owning it. That hopefully makes sense in print. The potential of this thing is so abnormally huge, why would you not want to have a position?We are talking about the most technologically brilliant system of money ever invented. Own a piece of the pie.Why bitcoin will supercede other moniesRemember the old rhyme: Money is a matter of functions four:A medium, a measure, a standard and a store.National currencies are a good-ish medium of exchange - within national borders. But even then, they have their shortcomings. They are useless for micropayments. The smallest amount you can pay in the UK is 1p. Most banks and credit card companies won't even process amounts that small. Even medium-sized transactions can be problematic. I wasted about an hour of my life this morning on the phone to Lloyds Bank as their security blocked a transfer of £3,950 that I was trying to make. In the grand context of things, that is not a huge sum, but Lloyds' alarms went off and that was it. One hour gone. (During my peak productive time too. That's one of the reasons this missive is late).But for cross-border transactions, national currencies are crap. Forex fees, paperwork, slow transaction speeds. If I want to send a payment to someone who operates with a different currency of, say, £1, via a bank, the costs are prohibitive. Revolut is about my only option - and that has issues. If I want to send a micropayment of, say, one-tenth of a cent, it is just impossible. But industries based around micropayments are a huge area of potential growth, especially in a world of artificial intelligence and the internet of things: streaming, apps, games, in-app and in-game purchases, rewards, likes, donations, tipping, credit card verification, identity verification, wifi access, public document access, libraries, parking, phone calls, public transport, pay-per-use in cloud computing, exchange of or access to information via the internet of things, content licensing, ad-free browsing, access to news and journalism. These are all areas that will see enormous use for micropayments.National currencies do not enable the micropayments economy, they are a barrier to it, especially across borders.At then other end of the scale, somebody just transferred the bitcoin equivalent of $1.3bn for a fee of $2. It took a minute or two. No forms, permits or declarations were required. You can send huge amounts or tiny amounts of money across borders for a fraction of the effort. Bitcoin is a good medium of exchange for the internet. It will only get better.You should subscribe to this letter. It's really good.And what a store of value!The pound has lost a third of its purchasing power just since 2020, according to Truflation. Since Jan 2020 bitcoin meanwhile has gone from £5,000 to almost £50,000. Which is the better store of value? Measured in the constant that is gold, the pound has lost 90% of its purchasing power just this century (Gold was £150/oz in 1999. Today it is over £1,500/oz). Meanwhile, since its inception in 2009, bitcoin has been the world's best performing asset. So what if it's volatile.Finally, we have the last two functions of money: measure and standard. A measure - in other words, a unit of account - needs to be constant to be effective. National currencies, because of the constant debasement, fail in this regard. Statisticians and economists have to resort to “inflation-adjusted dollars”, but not everybody agrees as to what inflation actually is, never mind the inflation rate. Bitcoin has not attained widespread unit of account status yet, but its finite supply will, eventually, make it a more constant unit. As for standard, that is coming too - whether as a standard of deferred payment or a standard as in the gold standard. Its independence and ever-increasing purchasing power will see to that. But this evolution, even if inevitable - technology is destiny, after all - will take many years yet, which is another reason I argue that it is not too late to take the orange pill.By the way, there are many people who are so sure that bitcoin is going to a million dollars, they are now measuring the bitcoin price thus: $0.05m. How about that for a unit and a standard?The point I am eventually trying to get to is this. Institutions and individuals tend to hold their savings in fiat dollars, pounds, euros, or yen. Corporations keep their treasuries in fiat. In doing so, even with interest, you are losing 5 to 10% per annum to currency debasement. This is guaranteed. Imagine being a Japanese corporation holding your treasury in yen. Michael Saylor, meanwhile, in keeping the corporate treasury of Microstrategy in bitcoin, indeed issuing paper to buy more bitcoin, has 10xd his company's valuation in four years. Microstrategy has gone from a $1.4bn to a $14bn market cap. Do you not think other CEOs will follow suit?Bitcoin is becoming an an online savings vehicle, the default online savings vehicle - ahead of fiat. When other large corporations and billionaires start keeping their treasuries in bitcoin as a norm - we are still a few years from that - then is when the price moonshots and hyperbitcoinisation happens.Of course, hyperbitcoinisation may not happen. Then again: maybe it will.Where and when does this bull market end?I have mentioned before: there are four typical phases to a bitcoin cycle. * There's the Quiet Accumulation. Few outside of the bubble of ardent bitcoiners take notice, as it discreetly creeps up. * The Frenzy and Blow-Off Top. The price rises accelerate. There is a rush to buy. The media is all over it. Everyone on social media is crowing. There's a huge row about whether bitcoin is in a bubble or not. See 2013, 2017 and 2021 for more details.* The Monster Correction. Bitcoin loses over 70% of its value. Economists who missed the boat go on telly and declare they were right, ignoring the fact that the price to which bitcoin corrected to is several hundred percent above where the quiet accumulation phase began. * The Frustrating Consolidation. Bitcoin goes into a period of range trading, consolidating the gains of the previous bull market. This is a period of relative quiet, at least by bitcoin standards. There are rallies that get many excited, but prove to be false dawns. Investors get frustrated by the grinding action. The media loses interest. Many forget about it, and so we gradually drift into another Quiet Accumulation phase.We are now in the early stages of phase two. This typically comes around halvings, but the ETFs appear to have brought it forward.So what's next and when does this bull market end?There are some obvious numbers to look for. $69,000, the old high. There will be resistance there. As we move towards that number we can expect some selling. Expect volatility.Bt after $69,000, everyone who ever bought bitcoin ever and held is in profit. How about that for a thought?Then $100,000. It is such a big, round number - like $1,000 and $10,000 before it. I'm inclined to think we get there this year.On the downside there should be some support around $52k with the next line in the low- to mid-40s.Bitcoin bear cycles (stage 3 above) tend to last about a year, consolidations about another year. Bull markets tend to last two to three years. This one began 15 months ago. There will be wild whipsaws on the way, but I suggest this phase has a good year to go before it's done.Three years ago $69,000 felt too expensive. It doesn't anymore. I think this bull market ends with bitcoin at six figures.The evidence of previous bull markets is that we overshoot to the upside. But don't expect not to get thrown about along the way.A final thoughtI first heard about bitcoin in December 2010. It was 20c. I didn't really look into it; I just thought it sounded like a cool idea. When I came around to the idea of buying, the price kept going up. I got outbid for some physical bitcoins on eBay, I remember.I couldn't bring myself to buy something after it had doubled and tripled. It went to $32. Then it corrected all the way to $2. I still didn't buy. I had lost interest I think.People were giving me coins at this stage. Trying to get me into it. Then the price started going up again. It went to $200 then $1,200. I ended up writing a book about it. Even though I had a position, I never put the amount of money I should in because I couldn't bring myself to buy something that had gone up so much. I could be a stupendously rich billionaire now, but I was scared off by the price rises. I'm fine by the way. You don't need to worry about me. But I have a fraction of what I might have had. I got hacked as well but that's another story.In December 2017, with bitcoin at $5,000, I went on the BBC Daily Politics show to talk about it. Over the next month, it quadrupled to $20,000, before going into one of its bear phases.Even buying at the very top of that cycle, you would still have tripled your money.Moral of all this: don't be put off by the rising price.Here's that interview again. There's a lot to be learned from it:My 2023 guide to buying bitcoin is here. I'll put an updated one together in the next few days.If you liked this article, please subscribe to the Flying Frisby. It's really good. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.theflyingfrisby.com/subscribe

The Flying Frisby
I Keep Saying It: The Risk Is Not Owning Bitcoin

The Flying Frisby

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 29, 2024 12:05


Bitcoin is off on one its runs, it seems. Congratulations to all who bought and held. It is now trading at all-time highs in 30 different currencies around the world, currencies representing more than 60% of the world's population. How about that for a thought?From China and India to Congo and Sudan, it's like a Noel Coward song.In US dollars, we are flirting with $60,000, still roughly 15% from the peak of US$69,000, the all-time high back in late 2021.In British pounds, the all-time high was around £48,000. We are touching that now.Meanwhile, Microstrategy (NDX.MSTR), which we suggested as a means to play bitcoin via a traditional broker, and avoid the FCA-created headaches of buying and investing bitcoin in the UK, is going great guns. $960 now. It was $350 when we first recommended it in the summer. Is it too late to buy?No. I haven't been asked on TV to talk about it yet. See me on the box, then you can start getting concerned that the top is near. (Here's one from BBC Daily Politics towards the end of a previous cycle. Chief Economist Dr Savvas Savouri. LOL)There is no doubt that the market is hot, hot, hot at the moment, and when markets get this hot, that usually means it's time to back off. Cripes, the amount of excitement on social media is screaming run away. But bitcoin is like one of those metals - tungsten or tantalum - which can withstand abnormally high levels of heat. The evidence of previous bull markets is that bitcoin gets overbought and stays overbought.It's usually better to buy when the markets are quiet, when nobody cares. But that is not where we now are.I have repeatedly argued that the risk with bitcoin is not owning it; it is not owning it. That hopefully makes sense in print. The potential of this thing is so abnormally huge, why would you not want to have a position?We are talking about the most technologically brilliant system of money ever invented. Own a piece of the pie.Why bitcoin will supercede other moniesRemember the old rhyme: Money is a matter of functions four:A medium, a measure, a standard and a store.National currencies are a good-ish medium of exchange - within national borders. But even then, they have their shortcomings. They are useless for micropayments. The smallest amount you can pay in the UK is 1p. Most banks and credit card companies won't even process amounts that small. Even medium-sized transactions can be problematic. I wasted about an hour of my life this morning on the phone to Lloyds Bank as their security blocked a transfer of £3,950 that I was trying to make. In the grand context of things, that is not a huge sum, but Lloyds' alarms went off and that was it. One hour gone. (During my peak productive time too. That's one of the reasons this missive is late).But for cross-border transactions, national currencies are crap. Forex fees, paperwork, slow transaction speeds. If I want to send a payment to someone who operates with a different currency of, say, £1, via a bank, the costs are prohibitive. Revolut is about my only option - and that has issues. If I want to send a micropayment of, say, one-tenth of a cent, it is just impossible. But industries based around micropayments are a huge area of potential growth, especially in a world of artificial intelligence and the internet of things: streaming, apps, games, in-app and in-game purchases, rewards, likes, donations, tipping, credit card verification, identity verification, wifi access, public document access, libraries, parking, phone calls, public transport, pay-per-use in cloud computing, exchange of or access to information via the internet of things, content licensing, ad-free browsing, access to news and journalism. These are all areas that will see enormous use for micropayments.National currencies do not enable the micropayments economy, they are a barrier to it, especially across borders.At then other end of the scale, somebody just transferred the bitcoin equivalent of $1.3bn for a fee of $2. It took a minute or two. No forms, permits or declarations were required. You can send huge amounts or tiny amounts of money across borders for a fraction of the effort. Bitcoin is a good medium of exchange for the internet. It will only get better.You should subscribe to this letter. It's really good.And what a store of value!The pound has lost a third of its purchasing power just since 2020, according to Truflation. Since Jan 2020 bitcoin meanwhile has gone from £5,000 to almost £50,000. Which is the better store of value? Measured in the constant that is gold, the pound has lost 90% of its purchasing power just this century (Gold was £150/oz in 1999. Today it is over £1,500/oz). Meanwhile, since its inception in 2009, bitcoin has been the world's best performing asset. So what if it's volatile.Finally, we have the last two functions of money: measure and standard. A measure - in other words, a unit of account - needs to be constant to be effective. National currencies, because of the constant debasement, fail in this regard. Statisticians and economists have to resort to “inflation-adjusted dollars”, but not everybody agrees as to what inflation actually is, never mind the inflation rate. Bitcoin has not attained widespread unit of account status yet, but its finite supply will, eventually, make it a more constant unit. As for standard, that is coming too - whether as a standard of deferred payment or a standard as in the gold standard. Its independence and ever-increasing purchasing power will see to that. But this evolution, even if inevitable - technology is destiny, after all - will take many years yet, which is another reason I argue that it is not too late to take the orange pill.By the way, there are many people who are so sure that bitcoin is going to a million dollars, they are now measuring the bitcoin price thus: $0.05m. How about that for a unit and a standard?The point I am eventually trying to get to is this. Institutions and individuals tend to hold their savings in fiat dollars, pounds, euros, or yen. Corporations keep their treasuries in fiat. In doing so, even with interest, you are losing 5 to 10% per annum to currency debasement. This is guaranteed. Imagine being a Japanese corporation holding your treasury in yen. Michael Saylor, meanwhile, in keeping the corporate treasury of Microstrategy in bitcoin, indeed issuing paper to buy more bitcoin, has 10xd his company's valuation in four years. Microstrategy has gone from a $1.4bn to a $14bn market cap. Do you not think other CEOs will follow suit?Bitcoin is becoming an an online savings vehicle, the default online savings vehicle - ahead of fiat. When other large corporations and billionaires start keeping their treasuries in bitcoin as a norm - we are still a few years from that - then is when the price moonshots and hyperbitcoinisation happens.Of course, hyperbitcoinisation may not happen. Then again: maybe it will.Where and when does this bull market end?I have mentioned before: there are four typical phases to a bitcoin cycle. * There's the Quiet Accumulation. Few outside of the bubble of ardent bitcoiners take notice, as it discreetly creeps up. * The Frenzy and Blow-Off Top. The price rises accelerate. There is a rush to buy. The media is all over it. Everyone on social media is crowing. There's a huge row about whether bitcoin is in a bubble or not. See 2013, 2017 and 2021 for more details.* The Monster Correction. Bitcoin loses over 70% of its value. Economists who missed the boat go on telly and declare they were right, ignoring the fact that the price to which bitcoin corrected to is several hundred percent above where the quiet accumulation phase began. * The Frustrating Consolidation. Bitcoin goes into a period of range trading, consolidating the gains of the previous bull market. This is a period of relative quiet, at least by bitcoin standards. There are rallies that get many excited, but prove to be false dawns. Investors get frustrated by the grinding action. The media loses interest. Many forget about it, and so we gradually drift into another Quiet Accumulation phase.We are now in the early stages of phase two. This typically comes around halvings, but the ETFs appear to have brought it forward.So what's next and when does this bull market end?There are some obvious numbers to look for. $69,000, the old high. There will be resistance there. As we move towards that number we can expect some selling. Expect volatility.Bt after $69,000, everyone who ever bought bitcoin ever and held is in profit. How about that for a thought?Then $100,000. It is such a big, round number - like $1,000 and $10,000 before it. I'm inclined to think we get there this year.On the downside there should be some support around $52k with the next line in the low- to mid-40s.Bitcoin bear cycles (stage 3 above) tend to last about a year, consolidations about another year. Bull markets tend to last two to three years. This one began 15 months ago. There will be wild whipsaws on the way, but I suggest this phase has a good year to go before it's done.Three years ago $69,000 felt too expensive. It doesn't anymore. I think this bull market ends with bitcoin at six figures.The evidence of previous bull markets is that we overshoot to the upside. But don't expect not to get thrown about along the way.A final thoughtI first heard about bitcoin in December 2010. It was 20c. I didn't really look into it; I just thought it sounded like a cool idea. When I came around to the idea of buying, the price kept going up. I got outbid for some physical bitcoins on eBay, I remember.I couldn't bring myself to buy something after it had doubled and tripled. It went to $32. Then it corrected all the way to $2. I still didn't buy. I had lost interest I think.People were giving me coins at this stage. Trying to get me into it. Then the price started going up again. It went to $200 then $1,200. I ended up writing a book about it. Even though I had a position, I never put the amount of money I should in because I couldn't bring myself to buy something that had gone up so much. I could be a stupendously rich billionaire now, but I was scared off by the price rises. I'm fine by the way. You don't need to worry about me. But I have a fraction of what I might have had. I got hacked as well but that's another story.In December 2017, with bitcoin at $5,000, I went on the BBC Daily Politics show to talk about it. Over the next month, it quadrupled to $20,000, before going into one of its bear phases.Even buying at the very top of that cycle, you would still have tripled your money.Moral of all this: don't be put off by the rising price.Here's that interview again. There's a lot to be learned from it:My 2023 guide to buying bitcoin is here. I'll put an updated one together in the next few days.If you liked this article, please subscribe to the Flying Frisby. It's really good. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.theflyingfrisby.com/subscribe

1960s UK radio girls pubs cars clubs ghosts

It's 0 degrees Centigrade! Cripes, that's cold! This coming Sunday, I'll be talking about my earliest memories. Would you believe that I can remember my second birthday? Let me know what your earliest memories are, I'd love to hear from you. raysrants@protonmail.com

Steamy Stories Podcast
Perry the Galactic Penis: Part 2

Steamy Stories Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 20, 2023


A movement grows.by Krosis. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Scene 4: Mom visits her neighbor.On the way to school, Ed asked Perry, “So where are you from, originally?”“Long way from here, Ed. not even sure you'd have a proper frame of reference.““How am I hearing you in my head?”“ I told you before, dude, we are one. If you work at it, you won't even have to vocalize for me to ‘hear' you.““Really? Cool.” He continued walking. “Hey, Perry?”There was no response. “Perry?”“Knock knock!” Eve Doughtry called out, looking in through her neighbor Darla's screen door. Her friend's pretty face poked out from the kitchen.“Eve! C'mon in!”She did so, and rounded the corner to find Darla's wide ass pointing right at her as the woman pushed a tray of muffins into the oven. Eve suddenly had a strong urge to flip the woman's skirt up and…She shook her head. And what? Where had that come from? she wondered.Darla stood up and turned around, a vision of brunette beauty, 5'3" and voluptuous. “Lemonade?” she asked.Eve nodded, and they sat at the kitchen table to chat. After shooting the shit about the usual subjects, Eve asked her, “So how's the sex life?”Darla spluttered around a mouthful of lemonade. “Cripes, Eve, that's forward, even for you. Umm…I guess things could be better. We'd been trying for a baby, but no luck. We're kinda losing hope, so there hasn't been much action lately. Oh, why am I telling you all this?” She took in her friend Eve, looking as gorgeous as ever, especially with those huge boobs that had only grown larger after having a child. She sighed, jealous.Eve's eyes bored into hers. “Well, we were a lot closer at one point.”Darla blushed. “That was when we were younger. We're both married now.”“Hum.”Beep!“Oh, my muffins…” Darla got up and headed back to the oven.Eve got to her feet as well, unzipped her slacks, and pulled down her panties as she came up behind her friend. After Darla placed the hot muffin tin on the stove top and closed the oven door, Eve grabbed her from behind, one hand moving to Darla's breast while the other went under her skirt.“Eek! Eve, what are you…oh…”Eve's hand slipped into Darla's panties and expertly manipulated her clit. “Lean forward,” Eve instructed her, and she did.As she had imagined when she first walked in, Eve flipped Darla's skirt up onto her back and moved her hips forward, nudging aside the woman's panties and slotting the head of her new 3" blue cock between her friend's vaginal lips.“Oh my God, Eve, what is that? Oh…” Darla felt what seemed to be a small penis pushing into her wet pussy. “Are you wearing a strap-on? That's so naughty…umm…”Eve's small penis was soon buried inside her friend's pussy, and she pulled back to slam it into her again, making Darla cry out in pleasure. “Take off your blouse,” Eve urged her.“Uh…uh…uh…” Darla groaned as her friend thrust that hard alien cock inside her. She tried to unbutton her top, but then just gave up and pulled it up and over her head.With her quick fingers, Eve quickly unfastened Darla's bra, freeing her B-cup breasts, and moved her hands to them, squeezing those mounds and lightly pinching her nipples. “Hmm…maybe I'll fill you up with a baby…” Eve whispered into Darla's ear.“Oh God!” Darla moaned. “You always know what to say to make me hot, Evie! Fuck me!”She did, pounding her new cock inside her friend's pussy. Soon, Eve felt the stirrings of an orgasm, one much like the squirting ones from the previous night with her husband. She thrust faster, feeling her new cock throbbing as her release approached.All through the previous day and night, Perry's blue sperm had been at work inside Ed's mother. Unable to find an egg to inseminate, they swam on, eventually finding one of her ovaries. Sensing the similarities between that organ and Ed's testicles, and with their need to propagate all-encompassing, they transformed that female gonad, while also increasing the mass of her clitoris and connecting that organ up to her new, blue testicle.“Huh!” Eve cried out and thrust hard into Darla's pussy. Her new testicle produced a burst of blue sperm, which shot down through her pelvis and rushed up the shaft of her cock. Her new blue penis ejaculated hot alien seed into Darla's overheated vagina.“Oh God…!” Darla cried out in orgasm as she felt the hot liquid shoot inside her. “What is…? Oh!”Meanwhile, Ed's on his way to class. “Perry!?”“ Oh, sorry, Ed, got distracted by something. What's up? ““I was gonna ask what your plans were here on Earth. You just want to be my penis forever?”“ Sure, Ed! What more do I need? “Back at Darla's house..Darla lay on the kitchen floor, her body intertwined with Eve's, breathing heavily. She stared at her friend's now 4" blue penis, wondering how that came to be, but strangely not worried about it.Deep inside her, Eve's blue sperm swam, searching…Scene 5: Ed checks out the school librarian.“So, when can we go fuck Charisma?” Ed whisper-asked Perry in a stall in the boy's bathroom at school. The senior student had tried to telepathically talk to the alien, but it hadn't worked. Perry insisted that he'd get it eventually, but for now he had to at least whisper.“You have to get her alone somewhere…where can we do that?” Perry asked him in his head.“I…I dunno…I didn't really think about this very well, did I? If she's not in class, she's always surrounded by her friends. It's not like I can just pull you out and you'll hypnotize all of them…er, can you?”“Let's just stick to one at a time, okay, Ed? Rome wasn't built in a day.”Ed paused. “Rome? What do you know about Rome?”“I know what you know, Ed, now that we're joined.”“So…you know what I'm thinking, at all times?”“Eh…I try not to listen in too much, but I need to know more about your world, bud. You're my Encyclopedia Eddica.”The bell rang and Ed headed to class. A couple rows over sat Charisma, the bubble-bodied blonde cheerleader, in a tight top and short skirt, neither of which were appropriate for the school dress code, but her mostly male teachers never complained. Ed sighed and tried to think of a way to get her alone. Eventually, the teacher asked him a question, and Ed looked like an idiot when he had to ask him to repeat it. After that, he concentrated on his work.When the bell rang for lunch, Ed grabbed his stuff and followed Charisma. She would be heading to meet her friends, but in the meantime, maybe he'd have a chance to get her alone! As he entered the busy hallway, he was buffeted by the cross-channels of hangry teenagers, unconcerned about his paltry needs. He hopped up into the air for a better vantage point, spied Charisma heading down one hall, and rushed after her.He was always just a little too slow, getting blocked by people who were crossing in front of him, or stopping outright when they encountered one of their friends. He didn't want to start shoving people…that could get you a bloody nose! Finally, he rounded a corner and she was gone.He heard the library door close and followed, though he didn't know why Charisma would be in there…reading hardly seemed like one of her pastimes.“Now, now, Ed!” Perry admonished him, “Are you making assumptions based on someone's looks?”He could see Mrs. Parker at her desk. The slightly overweight, thirtysomething brunette woman, with her glasses perched on her hawkish nose, would be the epitome of a dour old librarian after another 20 years or so, Ed thought. He stepped up to her. “Um, Mrs. Parker? Did Charisma come through here?”She looked up. “The cheerleader? Heh…she wouldn't come in here by choice, Ed.”“See?” Ed subvocalized to Perry.“See what?” Mrs. Parker asked him.“Hmm…I think we have something she can see, Ed…” Perry suggested.Suddenly, Ed felt desire surge through him, and his eyes roamed Mrs. Parker's stacked form. Her breasts might actually be larger than his mom's, he thought. He took a quick look around and, seeing no one else in the library, unzipped his jeans. “Have a look at this, Mrs. Parker.”She couldn't help but stare as Perry slithered out from Ed's zipper hole. “Umm…oh wow…” she moaned, her eyes going glassy.“Is there somewhere we can go to be alone, Mrs. P?”Soon, in the library office, the curvy librarian was sucking Perry into her mouth. Ed groaned, enjoying the feeling of his new cock being fellated. Once again, he marveled that he could feel the alien appendage as if it was his own penis.“Let me see your boobs, Mrs. P.” She quickly unfastened her sweater and blouse, and let those bra-covered EE-cups out to play. “Oh damn…” Ed moaned as she unfastened the bra and those massive mammaries sprang out.“Let me…” she moved back and surrounded Perry with her boobs, moving them up and down the alien penis' shaft.“Holy shit…” Ed had never felt anything like it, and Perry was long enough that she could continue to suck him on the downstrokes.After a few minutes of this, she got up, pulled down her skirt, hose, and panties, and bent over her desk. “Please…” she urged him.Ed was super hard now, and moved up behind her. Perry, eager as always, contorted and adjusted himself so that he could insinuate himself into the woman's wet pussy.“Oh…” she moaned, “you're so big, Ed…”Once Perry was inside her, Ed started to thrust, making them moan. Ed realized that Perry had done something to him to get him into the mood to fuck her, as he hadn't really thought of the older woman as sexy before. There was no stopping him now, though! He continued to thrust his blue 10 inches into the wanton woman.“Ugh! Ugh! Oh, so deep…” she moaned and orgasmed. “O-h! Oh, Ed, I may never be able to have sex with my husband again after you…”Ed felt proud at hearing that, though it was all Perry, not him, he realized. Well, he reconsidered, he was the one moving his hips, so maybe he could take a little credit? He continued to thrust, and reached around to fondle her massive boobs.“Mmm…” she moaned as he pawed at her mammaries. They had grown during each of her two pregnancies. They caused her chronic back discomfort, but nobody could beat her in the breasts department. It seemed that Ed liked them, so she was happy.Then she frowned. There was something bothering her…pregnancy? Why was she thinking about that? She shook her head…she'd come back to that thought later, after this hot sex.Ed's fingers finally found Mrs. P's nipples and pinched them lightly. She gave a little squeak and came again, and this time it pushed Ed over the edge into his own orgasm. He thrust into her hard and fast, feeling his balls boil up a load of cum, which pleasurably rushed up his shaft and splashed deep inside the woman's unprotected reproductive system.“Ohhh…!” she cried out, her waning orgasm ramping back up upon feeling Ed's hot cum fill her depths. Her spasming cervix was deluged by potent alien cum.Finally, Ed collapsed upon the woman's back, gasping. He could feel Mrs. P's pussy, still cumming as it sucked the last few drops from Perry. When she stopped vibrating, Ed pulled out, and blue-tinged semen splashed onto the office floor. “Oops! Sorry…” he offered.“It's…okay, Ed…” she breathed, slowly coming back to reality. Then she stood up. “Oh! I…we…oh no! What did we do, Ed?!”Ed had re-zipped and was heading out the door. “Don't worry, I won't tell anyone, Mrs. P; our secret.” He gave her a wink and then went to go grab some lunch.Darla watched Eve's back as her old friend and neighbor walked back home. She couldn't believe what they had done together, Eve taking what seemed to be an actual blue penis and fucking Darla right there in the kitchen! It had been incredibly hot, especially when Eve suggested that she might even impregnate Darla, as bizarre a statement that was.Her clit itched a little, and she gave it a scratch through her skirt. She shuddered at how pleasurably sensitive it was.Deep inside the woman, Eve's blue sperm had already found Darla's waiting egg and quickly laid claim to it, one alien spermatozoa piercing the cellular membrane and injecting its genetic payload inside.Scene 6: Under the Bleachers.The next day, Ed once again tried to get Charisma alone during lunch, but she managed to find her friends first. The clique of cheerleaders giggled at each other over some stupid thing.“C'mon, Ed! Let's find someone else.” Perry suggested.“Mrs. Parker again?” Ed considered, heading toward the library.“Naw… someone new, guy. Don't you want to play the field?”Inspired, Ed headed out to the playing field, but everyone there seemed to be in groups. Then he had an idea and went under the bleachers, where he found a couple of seniors: Cora…something, and another girl he didn't know.“Ugh…our secret spot isn't so secret anymore…see ya, Cora,” the other girl said as she tossed the remains of her cigarette and trudged off the other way.Cora, an elfin, auburn-haired retro grunge chick, with the requisite flannel overshirt and oversized jeans, regarded Ed as he approached. “Ed, right? You smoke?” She took a puff from her cig.“Umm…no,” Ed responded. She knew his name?“Then what'cha doin' here? This is the unofficial smoke pit.” The school had closed the official one the previous year. She held out her half-finished cancer stick to him.Ed paused only a moment before he took it and pulled a drag off of it. Then he started hacking up a lung.Cora grabbed it back with a smirk. “Poser.” Then she paused, looking at his crotch. “What the hell is that?”Ed looked where her eyes were pointing. Perry was writhing within his pants. “Perry?”“Who's Perry?” Cora asked, unable to tear her eyes away from Ed's undulating crotch. “Jeez! What's going on in there?”“Woo! What was that? I feel good…lemme out to play, Ed!”“The nicotine, maybe?” Ed could feel Perry straining at the confines of his jeans. “Okay, just a sec…” He unfastened his pants and Perry sprang out, hard and pointing at Cora.“Holy sh…” The grunge girl's mouth hung open as Perry gave her his alien whammy. “I gotta…gotta have that in me, Ed…” She said and pulled off her overshirt, showing off her braless, undershirt-covered A-cup breasts, her poky nipples quite visible through the thin fabric. Then she was pulling her oversized jeans off, revealing surprisingly small hips and slim legs. Why had she been hiding her cute, sexy body with those bulky clothes? Ed wondered.She pulled down her undies and bent over, grabbing onto one of the bars that held up the bleachers. “Get that huge thing in me…” she commanded him breathily, and he stepped forward to grab her hips.Perry dipped down and slithered between her legs, making her gasp. “Oh, wow, that's…uh…oh shit…” She bent over more as Perry's head slipped between her vaginal lips, and Ed thrust in, his passage aided by her suddenly wet pussy. “Ahh fuck…” she moaned, “you're so fucking big…”As Ed thrust into the mesmerized teen, he pulled her shirt up and reached under to massage her small breasts. He felt her pussy grip him tightly, and she moaned as he stimulated her boobies.Perry noticed mucus around Cora's cervix, and remembered the lady doctor from the other day, as well as their neighbor Darla when Eve, Ed's mom, had fucked her with her new blue cock. Darla had mentioned that she was trying to get pregnant, and Eve's blue sperm had found an egg waiting inside her…that was it! He was figuring these humans out, bit by bit.Ed had found Cora's nipples and pinched them between his fingers. “Uh! Uh!” she cried out, and came again.“Oh shit…” Cora's grasping pussy pushed Ed over the edge, and he thrust hard inside the slight girl. Pleasure rushed up his oversized cock, and then he blasted blue alien seed deep inside her.As she felt her fertile insides inundated by hot sperm, her nipple-induced orgasm was supplemented by a full vaginal one, and she moaned in pleasure, her needy pussy urging Ed's cum deeper inside her unprotected reproductive system. Finally, she slumped forward, barely able to hold herself up.“I… I gotcha… you're in trouble!”Ed turned and saw the girl that had left earlier, now pointing her phone at them, clearly recording. He pulled out of Cora, making her gasp at the sudden evacuation, and turned to the newcomer.“You… you keep away with that… thah…” The girl dropped her arms to her side, her jaw dropping open as her mind was ensorcelled by Perry's writhing form.“I got her…your turn, Ed.”My turn? Ed wondered, and then he stepped forward. “Gimme your phone.” She handed it over, and he quickly stopped the recording and deleted it. When he turned back to the girl, she was on her knees and reaching for Perry.Unlike Cora, this girl had larger breasts, probably a C-cup, he figured. She wore a t-shirt and shorts, and he thought that he recognized her from the soccer team. She was pretty, not beautiful, but she had nice curly brown hair and an athletic figure. She took the first few inches of Perry into her mouth, and Ed moaned at the feeling of her warm mouth around his cock. Despite having just cum inside of Cora, he was soon ready to go again.There was no way to lay down under the bleachers without getting dirty, so he had this new girl do as Cora had, grabbing hold of a supporting bar and bending over after shucking her shorts. As with Cora, her juicy pussy allowed Perry easy access to her sodden depths.Ed was amazed that two women's vaginas could be so different. Cora's had been tight but slick, but this girl's pussy was looser, but also somehow less slippery, her vaginal walls pulling at the skin of his cock as he thrust and withdrew. Both were amazing…Perry had been right to suggest fucking a variety of women, Ed realized. He pulled up her shirt to get at her boobs, though he had to unfasten her bra first, and then his hands were mashing her more substantial breasts between his fingers, making her gasp in pleasure.Cora…he looked around. She was laying on the ground, unconscious, near the supporting bar he had fucked her against. “Did you knock Cora out?” he asked Perry sub vocally.“Yeah…controlling more than one at a time's a strain, Ed. I brain-blitzed her so you can do this one…what's her name?”Ed considered. “You know what? I don't even care.” And he thrust faster into the athletic girl.“Good for you, man! You'll be a player in no time!”“Oh God…” the girl moaned, “…oh God…” Then as Ed thrust one last time and buried his cock as deep as possible inside her, she cried out, “Oh God!” as she felt Ed's hot sperm bathe the walls of her vulnerable pussy, the sensation causing her own orgasm to wash over her. “Uh! Uh! Uh!”Then the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. Ed's empty stomach growled, but his cock felt damn good, and that was what mattered, he figured. He pulled out, causing the girl to gasp and sink to her knees, Ed's white semen splashing out and soaking the ground between them. Then he zipped up and headed back to class.In the afternoon, a census taker arrived at Ed's house. Eve invited the woman in before seducing her and filling her up with a load of blue sperm. The woman left on unsteady legs, her body inundated with alien seed, swimming deeper into her vulnerable insides…Scene 7: Spring Break & a visit from extended family.For the rest of the week, Ed was unable to get the primary object of his lust, the cheerleader Charisma, alone. He made do with any other senior students or teachers that he could find, though, filling them up with his alien sperm, unmindful of the danger. Then Spring Break started.“Okay, when Erin's family gets here, we're going to have you…” Ed's mother Eve pointed at her husband Bob, “in Ed's room with Dave. I'll be sleeping with my sister in our room, since I haven't done that in forever, and then the kids will take the living room, like normal.”Ed scratched his head. Normally Aunt Erin and Uncle Dave would take his room. This changeup was odd.“I don't wanna sleep on the floor, Eve,” Dave told her.She gave him the look that told him that she was done arguing. “Just blow up the air mattress, Bob; it's only one night.”“Huh.”When his aunt's family arrived, Ed was surprised to see that his strawberry blonde cousin Julie had grown even taller in the last year, about 5'10" now, though the 18-year-old's willowy figure had filled out as well, becoming more substantial in the hips and bust. He waited for Perry to say something about the gorgeous young woman, but he had been strangely silent for most of the day. Ed hoped that the alien parasite was finally realizing that his family was off limits.Meanwhile, Next door, Eve's neighbor Darla had invited another neighbor, Mrs. Chen, over for tea. Darla's new 5" blue cock, overstimulated by the other woman's orgasming pussy, ejaculated alien seed deep inside her.And cross town, the curvy librarian Mrs. Parker was sawing her new 5" blue cock into the juicy pussy of Mrs. Abed, the co-owner of the local convenience store. Bags of chips rained down from the shelves from their frenzied coupling.Back at the Daughtry home, After a sumptuous dinner, the extended family sat down to play some board games. Ed and Julie's team stomped the parents at Pictionary, but then the brother-in-laws Bob and Dave destroyed everyone with their ability to remember useless facts in Trivial Pursuit. Finally, it was time for bed.The taller Julie took the couch, of course. Ed had mixed feelings when he found that he had grown just enough that he could no longer fully stretch out on the love seat. After some uncomfortable adjustments, he finally fell asleep.Erin, Ed's Aunt, woke up to find what she thought was her husband sidling up to her, his hard cock poking into her thigh. “Oh, Dave…” she moaned, and raised her leg to allow his penis to slip between her thighs. Her bedmate slipped lower, and she could feel that hard cock start to press between her vaginal folds.Then she remembered that she wasn't at home, and had gone to bed with her sister. “Wait, wha?”Then Eve thrust, burying her now 6" blue penis deep inside her sister's pussy.Erin gasped, feeling pleasure blossoming from within her. She moved a hand to her partner's chest and found her sister's substantial breasts. “Wha–? Evie? How?”“Sh!” Eve responded as she started to thrust in and out of her sister's well-lubricated pussy.Erin moved her hand down, between her sister's thighs, and felt the impossible cock there. It wasn't a strap-on dildo; there was no belt or harness. Everything felt unreal…was she dreaming? she wondered. She felt Eve's fingers move her hand aside so that she could thrum her sister's clit. “Oh…” Her nipples were so hard under the fabric of her nightie…she lay back and enjoyed what her sister was doing to her, the craziness of it not fully registering in her conscious mind.Soon, she felt her orgasm rise from her clitoris and where that wonderful cock slid along her most private of places. “Oh, Evie…Evie…Uh!”“Yes…” Eve hissed, and thrust deep. Her own orgasm rushed up through her cock and injected blue sperm inside her orgasming sister's pussy.Erin's eyes flew open as she felt that amazing cock throb, and then hot cum splashed deep inside her. That sensation took her orgasm and rebounded it through her body. Her back arched in pleasure as her cervix spasmed open, allowing her sister's alien sperm to seep through into her fertile, forbidden depths. “Uh! Uh! Uh…”“Perry?” Ed couldn't sleep. Julie's breathing was regular now, so he figured it was safe to talk.“Oh! Hey, Ed!”“You didn't answer me all evening. Were you sleeping?”“Naw… I gotta make sure things are progressing well, y'know?”“Progressing?”“Who are you talking to? Are you on the phone?” Julie asked. A light shone at him from the couch.“Ack!” Ed cried out, covering his eyes against the sudden glare.“What…is that?”Oh no! Ed realized that Perry was moving. “Don't look, Julie! I'm not decent!” He moved his hands down to try to cover up, but Perry slipped out of Ed's underwear and thrashed his blanket off.“Oh my god! Is that your penis…” The light flipped up to illuminate the ceiling as her phone fell to the carpeted floor.Ed froze. “Julie?” He couldn't see, as the beam had been right in his eyes and now it wasn't. He blinked, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the room, and then he felt her grab his cock.“Julie, no! I mean, Perry, no!” Ed hissed. “She's my cousin!”“Mother this, cousin that! You know what, Ed? I think you need to expand your horizons!” With that, Ed felt his cock get harder as a rush of desire roared through him.“Oh no…” Ed moaned as Julie took Perry into his mouth. “Julie…” She grasped his shaft and stroked, making him feel tremendously good as he lay back. Then she took her mouth off of him and he felt her climbing on top of him. “No…” Then Perry was slithering up inside her.“Yum! Some yummy blood up in here! Munch munch munch!”Ed raised his head. “Oh shit! Was she a virgin?”“Nope! I had no problem getting in. The blood seems to be coming from further inside.”Julie was on her period, Ed realized. Well, at least there was no way that he was going to get her pregnant…He paused. He had been fucking women every day since Perry had arrived, without a condom…why hadn't he even considered that he could get those women pregnant? Was this Perry's doing, or was he just that dense?“Fuck fuck fuck!” Perry urged him.Julie was grinding herself down on him now, having finally been able to take all 10 inches of him inside herself. Ed raised his knees, grabbed his cousin's rounded hips, and lifted her up and down upon his cock.“Huh! Uh! Oh…” she moaned, feeling Ed's huge member filling her, unlike her boyfriend with his mere six incher. She pulled her t-shirt off, setting her B-cup breasts free, and now that Ed's eyes had adjusted to the scant light from her phone flashlight reflecting off of the ceiling, he saw that they were amazing, pale and round, with small, dark areolas. He leaned forward to take one into his mouth.“Ah!” Julie cried out as he greedily sucked. “Careful! They're really sensitive at this time of the month, Ed.”He switched to licking at her nipples instead. She rode him harder.“It's…so deep…” Julie moaned. Then she stopped moving. “Ohmigod…it's…pushing…ow…!”Ed stopped moving as well. “Perry? What're you doing?”“I'm peckish for period, Ed! Yummy!”Ed didn't know enough about female anatomy to realize that Perry had forced his way through Julie's cervical opening and was now in her womb, consuming all the excess uterine lining that was sloughing off. All Ed knew was that Julie was in pain. He reached down and flicked at her clitoris while he continued to lick at her nipple.After a minute she relaxed. “It's…better now…” she whispered, and then she began riding him again. “That felt so strange, almost like losing my virginity again, but it's feeling…good…oh…”Ed could feel her pussy gripping him tighter and knew that he wasn't going to be able to last much longer. “Can we be…kissing cousins?” he asked her.“Uh…” she moaned, and moved forward to kiss him passionately. As her tongue speared into his mouth, he felt his balls give up their contents. His cum rushed up his lengthy shaft and was injected directly into her uterus.“Oh!” Julie screamed into his mouth as she came hard, her body shaking in extreme pleasure as Perry spewed hot alien seed into the deepest recesses of her body. They found one of her ovaries within minutes and began the transformation process, just as their compatriots had done with several other women over the past couple of weeks.In the morning, Julie woke Ed up, excited. “My period's all gone! I should come visit you every month, Ed!”Ed looked around worriedly and then laughed, glad that nobody had overheard that.After breakfast, both families gave each other hugs and Aunt Erin and her brood headed home. What a crazy night, she thought as her husband drove them home.Deep inside her womb, her sister's blue sperm penetrated her vulnerable egg. The fertilized ovum would implant itself into the lining of her uterus the next day.To be continued…by Krosis for Literotica* none of the characters in this fictional series were under 18 years old.

Steamy Stories
Perry the Galactic Penis: Part 2

Steamy Stories

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 20, 2023


A movement grows.by Krosis. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Scene 4: Mom visits her neighbor.On the way to school, Ed asked Perry, “So where are you from, originally?”“Long way from here, Ed. not even sure you'd have a proper frame of reference.““How am I hearing you in my head?”“ I told you before, dude, we are one. If you work at it, you won't even have to vocalize for me to ‘hear' you.““Really? Cool.” He continued walking. “Hey, Perry?”There was no response. “Perry?”“Knock knock!” Eve Doughtry called out, looking in through her neighbor Darla's screen door. Her friend's pretty face poked out from the kitchen.“Eve! C'mon in!”She did so, and rounded the corner to find Darla's wide ass pointing right at her as the woman pushed a tray of muffins into the oven. Eve suddenly had a strong urge to flip the woman's skirt up and…She shook her head. And what? Where had that come from? she wondered.Darla stood up and turned around, a vision of brunette beauty, 5'3" and voluptuous. “Lemonade?” she asked.Eve nodded, and they sat at the kitchen table to chat. After shooting the shit about the usual subjects, Eve asked her, “So how's the sex life?”Darla spluttered around a mouthful of lemonade. “Cripes, Eve, that's forward, even for you. Umm…I guess things could be better. We'd been trying for a baby, but no luck. We're kinda losing hope, so there hasn't been much action lately. Oh, why am I telling you all this?” She took in her friend Eve, looking as gorgeous as ever, especially with those huge boobs that had only grown larger after having a child. She sighed, jealous.Eve's eyes bored into hers. “Well, we were a lot closer at one point.”Darla blushed. “That was when we were younger. We're both married now.”“Hum.”Beep!“Oh, my muffins…” Darla got up and headed back to the oven.Eve got to her feet as well, unzipped her slacks, and pulled down her panties as she came up behind her friend. After Darla placed the hot muffin tin on the stove top and closed the oven door, Eve grabbed her from behind, one hand moving to Darla's breast while the other went under her skirt.“Eek! Eve, what are you…oh…”Eve's hand slipped into Darla's panties and expertly manipulated her clit. “Lean forward,” Eve instructed her, and she did.As she had imagined when she first walked in, Eve flipped Darla's skirt up onto her back and moved her hips forward, nudging aside the woman's panties and slotting the head of her new 3" blue cock between her friend's vaginal lips.“Oh my God, Eve, what is that? Oh…” Darla felt what seemed to be a small penis pushing into her wet pussy. “Are you wearing a strap-on? That's so naughty…umm…”Eve's small penis was soon buried inside her friend's pussy, and she pulled back to slam it into her again, making Darla cry out in pleasure. “Take off your blouse,” Eve urged her.“Uh…uh…uh…” Darla groaned as her friend thrust that hard alien cock inside her. She tried to unbutton her top, but then just gave up and pulled it up and over her head.With her quick fingers, Eve quickly unfastened Darla's bra, freeing her B-cup breasts, and moved her hands to them, squeezing those mounds and lightly pinching her nipples. “Hmm…maybe I'll fill you up with a baby…” Eve whispered into Darla's ear.“Oh God!” Darla moaned. “You always know what to say to make me hot, Evie! Fuck me!”She did, pounding her new cock inside her friend's pussy. Soon, Eve felt the stirrings of an orgasm, one much like the squirting ones from the previous night with her husband. She thrust faster, feeling her new cock throbbing as her release approached.All through the previous day and night, Perry's blue sperm had been at work inside Ed's mother. Unable to find an egg to inseminate, they swam on, eventually finding one of her ovaries. Sensing the similarities between that organ and Ed's testicles, and with their need to propagate all-encompassing, they transformed that female gonad, while also increasing the mass of her clitoris and connecting that organ up to her new, blue testicle.“Huh!” Eve cried out and thrust hard into Darla's pussy. Her new testicle produced a burst of blue sperm, which shot down through her pelvis and rushed up the shaft of her cock. Her new blue penis ejaculated hot alien seed into Darla's overheated vagina.“Oh God…!” Darla cried out in orgasm as she felt the hot liquid shoot inside her. “What is…? Oh!”Meanwhile, Ed's on his way to class. “Perry!?”“ Oh, sorry, Ed, got distracted by something. What's up? ““I was gonna ask what your plans were here on Earth. You just want to be my penis forever?”“ Sure, Ed! What more do I need? “Back at Darla's house..Darla lay on the kitchen floor, her body intertwined with Eve's, breathing heavily. She stared at her friend's now 4" blue penis, wondering how that came to be, but strangely not worried about it.Deep inside her, Eve's blue sperm swam, searching…Scene 5: Ed checks out the school librarian.“So, when can we go fuck Charisma?” Ed whisper-asked Perry in a stall in the boy's bathroom at school. The senior student had tried to telepathically talk to the alien, but it hadn't worked. Perry insisted that he'd get it eventually, but for now he had to at least whisper.“You have to get her alone somewhere…where can we do that?” Perry asked him in his head.“I…I dunno…I didn't really think about this very well, did I? If she's not in class, she's always surrounded by her friends. It's not like I can just pull you out and you'll hypnotize all of them…er, can you?”“Let's just stick to one at a time, okay, Ed? Rome wasn't built in a day.”Ed paused. “Rome? What do you know about Rome?”“I know what you know, Ed, now that we're joined.”“So…you know what I'm thinking, at all times?”“Eh…I try not to listen in too much, but I need to know more about your world, bud. You're my Encyclopedia Eddica.”The bell rang and Ed headed to class. A couple rows over sat Charisma, the bubble-bodied blonde cheerleader, in a tight top and short skirt, neither of which were appropriate for the school dress code, but her mostly male teachers never complained. Ed sighed and tried to think of a way to get her alone. Eventually, the teacher asked him a question, and Ed looked like an idiot when he had to ask him to repeat it. After that, he concentrated on his work.When the bell rang for lunch, Ed grabbed his stuff and followed Charisma. She would be heading to meet her friends, but in the meantime, maybe he'd have a chance to get her alone! As he entered the busy hallway, he was buffeted by the cross-channels of hangry teenagers, unconcerned about his paltry needs. He hopped up into the air for a better vantage point, spied Charisma heading down one hall, and rushed after her.He was always just a little too slow, getting blocked by people who were crossing in front of him, or stopping outright when they encountered one of their friends. He didn't want to start shoving people…that could get you a bloody nose! Finally, he rounded a corner and she was gone.He heard the library door close and followed, though he didn't know why Charisma would be in there…reading hardly seemed like one of her pastimes.“Now, now, Ed!” Perry admonished him, “Are you making assumptions based on someone's looks?”He could see Mrs. Parker at her desk. The slightly overweight, thirtysomething brunette woman, with her glasses perched on her hawkish nose, would be the epitome of a dour old librarian after another 20 years or so, Ed thought. He stepped up to her. “Um, Mrs. Parker? Did Charisma come through here?”She looked up. “The cheerleader? Heh…she wouldn't come in here by choice, Ed.”“See?” Ed subvocalized to Perry.“See what?” Mrs. Parker asked him.“Hmm…I think we have something she can see, Ed…” Perry suggested.Suddenly, Ed felt desire surge through him, and his eyes roamed Mrs. Parker's stacked form. Her breasts might actually be larger than his mom's, he thought. He took a quick look around and, seeing no one else in the library, unzipped his jeans. “Have a look at this, Mrs. Parker.”She couldn't help but stare as Perry slithered out from Ed's zipper hole. “Umm…oh wow…” she moaned, her eyes going glassy.“Is there somewhere we can go to be alone, Mrs. P?”Soon, in the library office, the curvy librarian was sucking Perry into her mouth. Ed groaned, enjoying the feeling of his new cock being fellated. Once again, he marveled that he could feel the alien appendage as if it was his own penis.“Let me see your boobs, Mrs. P.” She quickly unfastened her sweater and blouse, and let those bra-covered EE-cups out to play. “Oh damn…” Ed moaned as she unfastened the bra and those massive mammaries sprang out.“Let me…” she moved back and surrounded Perry with her boobs, moving them up and down the alien penis' shaft.“Holy shit…” Ed had never felt anything like it, and Perry was long enough that she could continue to suck him on the downstrokes.After a few minutes of this, she got up, pulled down her skirt, hose, and panties, and bent over her desk. “Please…” she urged him.Ed was super hard now, and moved up behind her. Perry, eager as always, contorted and adjusted himself so that he could insinuate himself into the woman's wet pussy.“Oh…” she moaned, “you're so big, Ed…”Once Perry was inside her, Ed started to thrust, making them moan. Ed realized that Perry had done something to him to get him into the mood to fuck her, as he hadn't really thought of the older woman as sexy before. There was no stopping him now, though! He continued to thrust his blue 10 inches into the wanton woman.“Ugh! Ugh! Oh, so deep…” she moaned and orgasmed. “O-h! Oh, Ed, I may never be able to have sex with my husband again after you…”Ed felt proud at hearing that, though it was all Perry, not him, he realized. Well, he reconsidered, he was the one moving his hips, so maybe he could take a little credit? He continued to thrust, and reached around to fondle her massive boobs.“Mmm…” she moaned as he pawed at her mammaries. They had grown during each of her two pregnancies. They caused her chronic back discomfort, but nobody could beat her in the breasts department. It seemed that Ed liked them, so she was happy.Then she frowned. There was something bothering her…pregnancy? Why was she thinking about that? She shook her head…she'd come back to that thought later, after this hot sex.Ed's fingers finally found Mrs. P's nipples and pinched them lightly. She gave a little squeak and came again, and this time it pushed Ed over the edge into his own orgasm. He thrust into her hard and fast, feeling his balls boil up a load of cum, which pleasurably rushed up his shaft and splashed deep inside the woman's unprotected reproductive system.“Ohhh…!” she cried out, her waning orgasm ramping back up upon feeling Ed's hot cum fill her depths. Her spasming cervix was deluged by potent alien cum.Finally, Ed collapsed upon the woman's back, gasping. He could feel Mrs. P's pussy, still cumming as it sucked the last few drops from Perry. When she stopped vibrating, Ed pulled out, and blue-tinged semen splashed onto the office floor. “Oops! Sorry…” he offered.“It's…okay, Ed…” she breathed, slowly coming back to reality. Then she stood up. “Oh! I…we…oh no! What did we do, Ed?!”Ed had re-zipped and was heading out the door. “Don't worry, I won't tell anyone, Mrs. P; our secret.” He gave her a wink and then went to go grab some lunch.Darla watched Eve's back as her old friend and neighbor walked back home. She couldn't believe what they had done together, Eve taking what seemed to be an actual blue penis and fucking Darla right there in the kitchen! It had been incredibly hot, especially when Eve suggested that she might even impregnate Darla, as bizarre a statement that was.Her clit itched a little, and she gave it a scratch through her skirt. She shuddered at how pleasurably sensitive it was.Deep inside the woman, Eve's blue sperm had already found Darla's waiting egg and quickly laid claim to it, one alien spermatozoa piercing the cellular membrane and injecting its genetic payload inside.Scene 6: Under the Bleachers.The next day, Ed once again tried to get Charisma alone during lunch, but she managed to find her friends first. The clique of cheerleaders giggled at each other over some stupid thing.“C'mon, Ed! Let's find someone else.” Perry suggested.“Mrs. Parker again?” Ed considered, heading toward the library.“Naw… someone new, guy. Don't you want to play the field?”Inspired, Ed headed out to the playing field, but everyone there seemed to be in groups. Then he had an idea and went under the bleachers, where he found a couple of seniors: Cora…something, and another girl he didn't know.“Ugh…our secret spot isn't so secret anymore…see ya, Cora,” the other girl said as she tossed the remains of her cigarette and trudged off the other way.Cora, an elfin, auburn-haired retro grunge chick, with the requisite flannel overshirt and oversized jeans, regarded Ed as he approached. “Ed, right? You smoke?” She took a puff from her cig.“Umm…no,” Ed responded. She knew his name?“Then what'cha doin' here? This is the unofficial smoke pit.” The school had closed the official one the previous year. She held out her half-finished cancer stick to him.Ed paused only a moment before he took it and pulled a drag off of it. Then he started hacking up a lung.Cora grabbed it back with a smirk. “Poser.” Then she paused, looking at his crotch. “What the hell is that?”Ed looked where her eyes were pointing. Perry was writhing within his pants. “Perry?”“Who's Perry?” Cora asked, unable to tear her eyes away from Ed's undulating crotch. “Jeez! What's going on in there?”“Woo! What was that? I feel good…lemme out to play, Ed!”“The nicotine, maybe?” Ed could feel Perry straining at the confines of his jeans. “Okay, just a sec…” He unfastened his pants and Perry sprang out, hard and pointing at Cora.“Holy sh…” The grunge girl's mouth hung open as Perry gave her his alien whammy. “I gotta…gotta have that in me, Ed…” She said and pulled off her overshirt, showing off her braless, undershirt-covered A-cup breasts, her poky nipples quite visible through the thin fabric. Then she was pulling her oversized jeans off, revealing surprisingly small hips and slim legs. Why had she been hiding her cute, sexy body with those bulky clothes? Ed wondered.She pulled down her undies and bent over, grabbing onto one of the bars that held up the bleachers. “Get that huge thing in me…” she commanded him breathily, and he stepped forward to grab her hips.Perry dipped down and slithered between her legs, making her gasp. “Oh, wow, that's…uh…oh shit…” She bent over more as Perry's head slipped between her vaginal lips, and Ed thrust in, his passage aided by her suddenly wet pussy. “Ahh fuck…” she moaned, “you're so fucking big…”As Ed thrust into the mesmerized teen, he pulled her shirt up and reached under to massage her small breasts. He felt her pussy grip him tightly, and she moaned as he stimulated her boobies.Perry noticed mucus around Cora's cervix, and remembered the lady doctor from the other day, as well as their neighbor Darla when Eve, Ed's mom, had fucked her with her new blue cock. Darla had mentioned that she was trying to get pregnant, and Eve's blue sperm had found an egg waiting inside her…that was it! He was figuring these humans out, bit by bit.Ed had found Cora's nipples and pinched them between his fingers. “Uh! Uh!” she cried out, and came again.“Oh shit…” Cora's grasping pussy pushed Ed over the edge, and he thrust hard inside the slight girl. Pleasure rushed up his oversized cock, and then he blasted blue alien seed deep inside her.As she felt her fertile insides inundated by hot sperm, her nipple-induced orgasm was supplemented by a full vaginal one, and she moaned in pleasure, her needy pussy urging Ed's cum deeper inside her unprotected reproductive system. Finally, she slumped forward, barely able to hold herself up.“I… I gotcha… you're in trouble!”Ed turned and saw the girl that had left earlier, now pointing her phone at them, clearly recording. He pulled out of Cora, making her gasp at the sudden evacuation, and turned to the newcomer.“You… you keep away with that… thah…” The girl dropped her arms to her side, her jaw dropping open as her mind was ensorcelled by Perry's writhing form.“I got her…your turn, Ed.”My turn? Ed wondered, and then he stepped forward. “Gimme your phone.” She handed it over, and he quickly stopped the recording and deleted it. When he turned back to the girl, she was on her knees and reaching for Perry.Unlike Cora, this girl had larger breasts, probably a C-cup, he figured. She wore a t-shirt and shorts, and he thought that he recognized her from the soccer team. She was pretty, not beautiful, but she had nice curly brown hair and an athletic figure. She took the first few inches of Perry into her mouth, and Ed moaned at the feeling of her warm mouth around his cock. Despite having just cum inside of Cora, he was soon ready to go again.There was no way to lay down under the bleachers without getting dirty, so he had this new girl do as Cora had, grabbing hold of a supporting bar and bending over after shucking her shorts. As with Cora, her juicy pussy allowed Perry easy access to her sodden depths.Ed was amazed that two women's vaginas could be so different. Cora's had been tight but slick, but this girl's pussy was looser, but also somehow less slippery, her vaginal walls pulling at the skin of his cock as he thrust and withdrew. Both were amazing…Perry had been right to suggest fucking a variety of women, Ed realized. He pulled up her shirt to get at her boobs, though he had to unfasten her bra first, and then his hands were mashing her more substantial breasts between his fingers, making her gasp in pleasure.Cora…he looked around. She was laying on the ground, unconscious, near the supporting bar he had fucked her against. “Did you knock Cora out?” he asked Perry sub vocally.“Yeah…controlling more than one at a time's a strain, Ed. I brain-blitzed her so you can do this one…what's her name?”Ed considered. “You know what? I don't even care.” And he thrust faster into the athletic girl.“Good for you, man! You'll be a player in no time!”“Oh God…” the girl moaned, “…oh God…” Then as Ed thrust one last time and buried his cock as deep as possible inside her, she cried out, “Oh God!” as she felt Ed's hot sperm bathe the walls of her vulnerable pussy, the sensation causing her own orgasm to wash over her. “Uh! Uh! Uh!”Then the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. Ed's empty stomach growled, but his cock felt damn good, and that was what mattered, he figured. He pulled out, causing the girl to gasp and sink to her knees, Ed's white semen splashing out and soaking the ground between them. Then he zipped up and headed back to class.In the afternoon, a census taker arrived at Ed's house. Eve invited the woman in before seducing her and filling her up with a load of blue sperm. The woman left on unsteady legs, her body inundated with alien seed, swimming deeper into her vulnerable insides…Scene 7: Spring Break & a visit from extended family.For the rest of the week, Ed was unable to get the primary object of his lust, the cheerleader Charisma, alone. He made do with any other senior students or teachers that he could find, though, filling them up with his alien sperm, unmindful of the danger. Then Spring Break started.“Okay, when Erin's family gets here, we're going to have you…” Ed's mother Eve pointed at her husband Bob, “in Ed's room with Dave. I'll be sleeping with my sister in our room, since I haven't done that in forever, and then the kids will take the living room, like normal.”Ed scratched his head. Normally Aunt Erin and Uncle Dave would take his room. This changeup was odd.“I don't wanna sleep on the floor, Eve,” Dave told her.She gave him the look that told him that she was done arguing. “Just blow up the air mattress, Bob; it's only one night.”“Huh.”When his aunt's family arrived, Ed was surprised to see that his strawberry blonde cousin Julie had grown even taller in the last year, about 5'10" now, though the 18-year-old's willowy figure had filled out as well, becoming more substantial in the hips and bust. He waited for Perry to say something about the gorgeous young woman, but he had been strangely silent for most of the day. Ed hoped that the alien parasite was finally realizing that his family was off limits.Meanwhile, Next door, Eve's neighbor Darla had invited another neighbor, Mrs. Chen, over for tea. Darla's new 5" blue cock, overstimulated by the other woman's orgasming pussy, ejaculated alien seed deep inside her.And cross town, the curvy librarian Mrs. Parker was sawing her new 5" blue cock into the juicy pussy of Mrs. Abed, the co-owner of the local convenience store. Bags of chips rained down from the shelves from their frenzied coupling.Back at the Daughtry home, After a sumptuous dinner, the extended family sat down to play some board games. Ed and Julie's team stomped the parents at Pictionary, but then the brother-in-laws Bob and Dave destroyed everyone with their ability to remember useless facts in Trivial Pursuit. Finally, it was time for bed.The taller Julie took the couch, of course. Ed had mixed feelings when he found that he had grown just enough that he could no longer fully stretch out on the love seat. After some uncomfortable adjustments, he finally fell asleep.Erin, Ed's Aunt, woke up to find what she thought was her husband sidling up to her, his hard cock poking into her thigh. “Oh, Dave…” she moaned, and raised her leg to allow his penis to slip between her thighs. Her bedmate slipped lower, and she could feel that hard cock start to press between her vaginal folds.Then she remembered that she wasn't at home, and had gone to bed with her sister. “Wait, wha?”Then Eve thrust, burying her now 6" blue penis deep inside her sister's pussy.Erin gasped, feeling pleasure blossoming from within her. She moved a hand to her partner's chest and found her sister's substantial breasts. “Wha–? Evie? How?”“Sh!” Eve responded as she started to thrust in and out of her sister's well-lubricated pussy.Erin moved her hand down, between her sister's thighs, and felt the impossible cock there. It wasn't a strap-on dildo; there was no belt or harness. Everything felt unreal…was she dreaming? she wondered. She felt Eve's fingers move her hand aside so that she could thrum her sister's clit. “Oh…” Her nipples were so hard under the fabric of her nightie…she lay back and enjoyed what her sister was doing to her, the craziness of it not fully registering in her conscious mind.Soon, she felt her orgasm rise from her clitoris and where that wonderful cock slid along her most private of places. “Oh, Evie…Evie…Uh!”“Yes…” Eve hissed, and thrust deep. Her own orgasm rushed up through her cock and injected blue sperm inside her orgasming sister's pussy.Erin's eyes flew open as she felt that amazing cock throb, and then hot cum splashed deep inside her. That sensation took her orgasm and rebounded it through her body. Her back arched in pleasure as her cervix spasmed open, allowing her sister's alien sperm to seep through into her fertile, forbidden depths. “Uh! Uh! Uh…”“Perry?” Ed couldn't sleep. Julie's breathing was regular now, so he figured it was safe to talk.“Oh! Hey, Ed!”“You didn't answer me all evening. Were you sleeping?”“Naw… I gotta make sure things are progressing well, y'know?”“Progressing?”“Who are you talking to? Are you on the phone?” Julie asked. A light shone at him from the couch.“Ack!” Ed cried out, covering his eyes against the sudden glare.“What…is that?”Oh no! Ed realized that Perry was moving. “Don't look, Julie! I'm not decent!” He moved his hands down to try to cover up, but Perry slipped out of Ed's underwear and thrashed his blanket off.“Oh my god! Is that your penis…” The light flipped up to illuminate the ceiling as her phone fell to the carpeted floor.Ed froze. “Julie?” He couldn't see, as the beam had been right in his eyes and now it wasn't. He blinked, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the room, and then he felt her grab his cock.“Julie, no! I mean, Perry, no!” Ed hissed. “She's my cousin!”“Mother this, cousin that! You know what, Ed? I think you need to expand your horizons!” With that, Ed felt his cock get harder as a rush of desire roared through him.“Oh no…” Ed moaned as Julie took Perry into his mouth. “Julie…” She grasped his shaft and stroked, making him feel tremendously good as he lay back. Then she took her mouth off of him and he felt her climbing on top of him. “No…” Then Perry was slithering up inside her.“Yum! Some yummy blood up in here! Munch munch munch!”Ed raised his head. “Oh shit! Was she a virgin?”“Nope! I had no problem getting in. The blood seems to be coming from further inside.”Julie was on her period, Ed realized. Well, at least there was no way that he was going to get her pregnant…He paused. He had been fucking women every day since Perry had arrived, without a condom…why hadn't he even considered that he could get those women pregnant? Was this Perry's doing, or was he just that dense?“Fuck fuck fuck!” Perry urged him.Julie was grinding herself down on him now, having finally been able to take all 10 inches of him inside herself. Ed raised his knees, grabbed his cousin's rounded hips, and lifted her up and down upon his cock.“Huh! Uh! Oh…” she moaned, feeling Ed's huge member filling her, unlike her boyfriend with his mere six incher. She pulled her t-shirt off, setting her B-cup breasts free, and now that Ed's eyes had adjusted to the scant light from her phone flashlight reflecting off of the ceiling, he saw that they were amazing, pale and round, with small, dark areolas. He leaned forward to take one into his mouth.“Ah!” Julie cried out as he greedily sucked. “Careful! They're really sensitive at this time of the month, Ed.”He switched to licking at her nipples instead. She rode him harder.“It's…so deep…” Julie moaned. Then she stopped moving. “Ohmigod…it's…pushing…ow…!”Ed stopped moving as well. “Perry? What're you doing?”“I'm peckish for period, Ed! Yummy!”Ed didn't know enough about female anatomy to realize that Perry had forced his way through Julie's cervical opening and was now in her womb, consuming all the excess uterine lining that was sloughing off. All Ed knew was that Julie was in pain. He reached down and flicked at her clitoris while he continued to lick at her nipple.After a minute she relaxed. “It's…better now…” she whispered, and then she began riding him again. “That felt so strange, almost like losing my virginity again, but it's feeling…good…oh…”Ed could feel her pussy gripping him tighter and knew that he wasn't going to be able to last much longer. “Can we be…kissing cousins?” he asked her.“Uh…” she moaned, and moved forward to kiss him passionately. As her tongue speared into his mouth, he felt his balls give up their contents. His cum rushed up his lengthy shaft and was injected directly into her uterus.“Oh!” Julie screamed into his mouth as she came hard, her body shaking in extreme pleasure as Perry spewed hot alien seed into the deepest recesses of her body. They found one of her ovaries within minutes and began the transformation process, just as their compatriots had done with several other women over the past couple of weeks.In the morning, Julie woke Ed up, excited. “My period's all gone! I should come visit you every month, Ed!”Ed looked around worriedly and then laughed, glad that nobody had overheard that.After breakfast, both families gave each other hugs and Aunt Erin and her brood headed home. What a crazy night, she thought as her husband drove them home.Deep inside her womb, her sister's blue sperm penetrated her vulnerable egg. The fertilized ovum would implant itself into the lining of her uterus the next day.To be continued…by Krosis for Literotica* none of the characters in this fictional series were under 18 years old.

The CripesCast Podcast
Episode 159 - Rosebud Baker

The CripesCast Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 28, 2023 70:32


Shortly after being in a hit and run accident, comedian and writer Rosebud Baker hops on a call with Charlie for this week's episode of the Cripescast. With her first child on the way, Rosebud speculates whether motherhood will change her perspective on life and is excited for all the potential bits it'll bring to her act. After being encouraged by her friends to try stand up, it only took trying open mic once for her to get hooked on comedy. Since then, she's written on shows like That Damn Michael Che, put out her comedy special “Whiskey Fits” on Comedy Central, and is currently a writer on Saturday Night Live. She and Charlie share their disdain for crowdwork clips, upsetting their families with their material, and debate whether “Saved by the Bell” or “Full House” was a better show growing up.  Want to see Rosebud Baker at @improvmilwaukee July 13-15th? Use code CRIPES at improv.com/milwaukee/ for $5 tickets. Follow Rosebud on all platforms @rosebudbaker and get tickets for her shows at rosebudbaker.com. Follow us on all platforms @cripescast and cripescast.com - find us on Patreon at patreon.com/charlieberens

Cinema Possessed
Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Cinema Possessed

Play Episode Listen Later May 18, 2023 107:43


Cripes! Jack, Justin and Corey get stupid talking the Farrelly Brother's classic, DUMB AND DUMBER (1994)! The three share some really embarrassing stories, discuss the complicated relationships parents had with Jim Carrey, the impact he had on our childhoods, Jack gushes over the soundtrack, and they all get heated about the additional "UNRATED" material on the BluRay.Support the pod by joining our Patreon at patreon.com/cinemapossessedpod and unlock the Cinema Possessed Bonus Materials, our bi-monthly bonus episodes where we talk about more than just what's in our collection.Instagram: instagram.com/cinemapossessedpodTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@cinemapossessedpodTwitter (X): twitter.com/cinemapossessedEmail: cinemapossessedpod@gmail.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stuff That Interests Me
Never mind the vaccines - what about the vaccine stocks?

Stuff That Interests Me

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 3, 2023 10:49


There has been a discernible change in the narrative over the past few weeks regarding Covid-19 vaccines. From the Andrew Bridgen affair and questions in the House of Commons regarding the unusually high seasonal death rates to the publicity that came with “Novacc” Djokovic winning the Australian Open, to the sudden collapse of Thailand's Princess Bajrakitiyabha, daughter of the King, and the resulting (likely fabricated) story that Thailand is nullifying its Pfizer contracts, the powers-that-be - and I'm still not sure who they actually are - seem to have lost control of the narrative.The take-up of boosters was low and there is now widespread doubt amongst those who had the vaccine that they did the right thing, while there is both pride and vindication amongst those who didn't.In a world awash with both censorship and misinformation (which is worse? - there is another thing I'm not sure about), it is difficult to know who or what to believe.We do, however, have price. There is a truth to price. Price, like the truth, can change every day, many times per day, but the price of something, or should I say the price of a publicly traded asset, reflects all the available information about that asset at any given moment. In that respect, there is a truth to price.The price of Brent Crude Oil, currently $84, reflects all the available information there is about current and future oil supply, current and future demand, current and future government policy, net zero, global risk appetite and more. All the information, opinion, and research, the truths, the half-truths and the lies, the ideals and the realities - everything is distilled into those two digits: 84 dollars.And so today, with all this in mind, I thought it would be informative to ask - how are the vaccine stocks doing? How're they are doing might tell us about the vaccine narrative itself.Covid-19 vaccine stocks The main vaccine stocks are as follows: * Pfizer (NYSE: PFE) - although not a “pure” play (its share price is determined by the success or failure of many of its products and patents), it did bring the world's most famous and controversial vaccine to market. * Biotechnology company BioNTech (NASDAQ: BNTX), which teamed with Pfizer to produce its vaccine, can be seen as much more of a “vaccine bellwether” stock. Its messenger RNA (mRNA) technology was critical to the Pfizer vaccine.* Moderna (NASDAQ: MRNA). The ticker's on brand! Moderna was quick in the wake of Pfizer and BioNTech to win a US EUA for its vaccine. Unlike Pfizer and BioNTech, it doesn't have to split profits. It's also a ‘pure play”, so a good bellwether.* Johnson & Johnson's (NYSE: JNJ) sold its vaccine at cost during the pandemic and it is so diversified with numerous other products that we can probably discount it as a vaccine bellwether. Still, we can include it on the list as it is a key player.* Likewise AstraZeneca (LON: AZN) -was an early winner in the vaccine race, but then it got embroiled in disputes with the European Union. Like Johnson and Johnson, it is also heavily diversified with other products and it also initially delivered the vaccines at cost. So, again, it is not a “pure play.”* There is the lesser-known Novavax (NASDAQ: NVAX), whose product is not as widespread as the others.* Ocugen (NASDAQ: OCGN), also not very well known, is partnered with Indian drugco, Bharat Biotech, and has a vaccine authorised in India. * Finally, Vaxart (NASDAQ: VXRT), is developing an oral vaccination tablet. At this stage of writing this article, I haven't yet looked at a single chart of a “vaxco”, so I don't know what I'm about to discover. I'm going to post 4-year charts - ie going back a year before Covid - along with a 200-day moving average (200DMA) in green to help identify primary trends.Let's start with Pfizer (NYSE: PFE)You can see the run it had since 2020. But, shorter term, since early December, it's been falling like a boulder off a cliff. It's not seen any of the rally that accompanied the broader stock market since Christmas. It's below its 200DMA and trending down. On the other hand, it's still at $43, above its October low, and well above its pre-Covid price in the low- to mid-$30s, so all is not lost. I do not like the look of that chart at all. I'm pretty sure its handle will no longer be a four but a three before long.Next is BioNTech (NASDAQ: BNTX). This is a classic pop-and-drop and could just as easily be the chart of some crypto currency or junior miner.At $140, it's 70% down from its $460 high, and it too is in a downtrend. There is support at $120 and it's still three or four times higher than it was before Covid. I wish I'd known about BioNTech in 2020!Moderna (NASDAQ: MRNA) is next and like BioNTech, the other “pure vax play,” this is another pop-and-drop. Cynics would say pump and dump.Gosh, this was a $25 stock in 2020. It went to $500. How fortunes can change.Now it's at $175, 65% of its highs, but above its 200DMA. The shorter-term trend is down, however.Gosh, these vaxco stocks are volatile. As volatile as crypto. (I don't see the FCA warning against them, or indeed banning them though).Johnson & Johnson's (NYSE: JNJ) is next. Like Pfizer, it's not a pure play, but I do not like the look of this chart at all. Double tops and stuff.It's come down hard in 2023. What does the market know that I don't?It's below its 200DMA and trending lower. You want to see that October 2022 low, just around $158, holding, or failing that $152.To be fair to Johnson and Johnson, and not wanting to get too sensationalist, it has previous when it comes to spiky, up-and-down action. See early 2022 for more details.And so to AstraZeneca (LON: AZN) and this too could be displaying the worrying, early 2023 chart sickness of the vaccine major. Not as bad as the other two though.I'm going to give this one the benefit of the doubt and say it's a standard pullback to the 200DMA, which is rising, amidst an ongoing secular bull market.Pre-Covid it was around 7,000p, so it's about 45% up on the back of the pandemic.If they've banned cryptocurrencies, why the FCA hasn't banned speculating in the likes of Novavax (NASDAQ: NVAX), I cannot understand. Where's the consistency? Surely that is what we want from our regulators. In any case, this is one brutal chart, and it's back where it was before Covid.This was a $3 stock at the beginning of 2020. It went to $330. Somebody made a lot of money. Nancy Pelosi is my guess. Or maybe that Fauci bloke. (For the avoidance of legal doubt, I'm joking).Now it's a $10 stock. I make that a 97% drop. Somebody lost a lot of money.By the way, here's a chart of Novavax since its IPO in 1995. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Talk about hype cycles. Fortunes have been made and lost in this company over and over. Remind me to buy it in about a year's time at $5. It'll be $150 or $300 a couple of years after that. (Then remind me to sell it).Next, we have Ocugen (NASDAQ: OCGN). Cripes, it's another one. From a buck to 18 bucks back to a buck. I need to get more into biotech. It's extraordinary.And last up, Vaxart (NASDAQ: VXRT) is developing an oral vaccination tablet. I almost don't need to post this one. You know what's coming.From below a dollar to $25 back to a dollar - and trending lower.So what can we learn from all this?One: vaccines are dead in the water.Two: there might be something nasty lurking in the pipeline for Pfizer, and perhaps Johnson and Johnson. My guess is something legal.If you're buying gold, my current recommended bullion dealer in the UK is The Pure Gold Company, whether you are taking delivery or storing online. Premiums are low, quality of service is high. You can deal with a human being. I have an affiliation deals with them.If you're buying bitcoin, be sure to read my special report.And make your Number One resolution for 2023 to listen to Kisses on a Postcard.This article first appeared at Moneyweek. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.theflyingfrisby.com/subscribe

The Flying Frisby
Never mind the vaccines - what about the vaccine stocks?

The Flying Frisby

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 3, 2023 10:49


There has been a discernible change in the narrative over the past few weeks regarding Covid-19 vaccines. From the Andrew Bridgen affair and questions in the House of Commons regarding the unusually high seasonal death rates to the publicity that came with “Novacc” Djokovic winning the Australian Open, to the sudden collapse of Thailand's Princess Bajrakitiyabha, daughter of the King, and the resulting (likely fabricated) story that Thailand is nullifying its Pfizer contracts, the powers-that-be - and I'm still not sure who they actually are - seem to have lost control of the narrative.The take-up of boosters was low and there is now widespread doubt amongst those who had the vaccine that they did the right thing, while there is both pride and vindication amongst those who didn't.In a world awash with both censorship and misinformation (which is worse? - there is another thing I'm not sure about), it is difficult to know who or what to believe.We do, however, have price. There is a truth to price. Price, like the truth, can change every day, many times per day, but the price of something, or should I say the price of a publicly traded asset, reflects all the available information about that asset at any given moment. In that respect, there is a truth to price.The price of Brent Crude Oil, currently $84, reflects all the available information there is about current and future oil supply, current and future demand, current and future government policy, net zero, global risk appetite and more. All the information, opinion, and research, the truths, the half-truths and the lies, the ideals and the realities - everything is distilled into those two digits: 84 dollars.And so today, with all this in mind, I thought it would be informative to ask - how are the vaccine stocks doing? How're they are doing might tell us about the vaccine narrative itself.Covid-19 vaccine stocks The main vaccine stocks are as follows: * Pfizer (NYSE: PFE) - although not a “pure” play (its share price is determined by the success or failure of many of its products and patents), it did bring the world's most famous and controversial vaccine to market. * Biotechnology company BioNTech (NASDAQ: BNTX), which teamed with Pfizer to produce its vaccine, can be seen as much more of a “vaccine bellwether” stock. Its messenger RNA (mRNA) technology was critical to the Pfizer vaccine.* Moderna (NASDAQ: MRNA). The ticker's on brand! Moderna was quick in the wake of Pfizer and BioNTech to win a US EUA for its vaccine. Unlike Pfizer and BioNTech, it doesn't have to split profits. It's also a ‘pure play”, so a good bellwether.* Johnson & Johnson's (NYSE: JNJ) sold its vaccine at cost during the pandemic and it is so diversified with numerous other products that we can probably discount it as a vaccine bellwether. Still, we can include it on the list as it is a key player.* Likewise AstraZeneca (LON: AZN) -was an early winner in the vaccine race, but then it got embroiled in disputes with the European Union. Like Johnson and Johnson, it is also heavily diversified with other products and it also initially delivered the vaccines at cost. So, again, it is not a “pure play.”* There is the lesser-known Novavax (NASDAQ: NVAX), whose product is not as widespread as the others.* Ocugen (NASDAQ: OCGN), also not very well known, is partnered with Indian drugco, Bharat Biotech, and has a vaccine authorised in India. * Finally, Vaxart (NASDAQ: VXRT), is developing an oral vaccination tablet. At this stage of writing this article, I haven't yet looked at a single chart of a “vaxco”, so I don't know what I'm about to discover. I'm going to post 4-year charts - ie going back a year before Covid - along with a 200-day moving average (200DMA) in green to help identify primary trends.Let's start with Pfizer (NYSE: PFE)You can see the run it had since 2020. But, shorter term, since early December, it's been falling like a boulder off a cliff. It's not seen any of the rally that accompanied the broader stock market since Christmas. It's below its 200DMA and trending down. On the other hand, it's still at $43, above its October low, and well above its pre-Covid price in the low- to mid-$30s, so all is not lost. I do not like the look of that chart at all. I'm pretty sure its handle will no longer be a four but a three before long.Next is BioNTech (NASDAQ: BNTX). This is a classic pop-and-drop and could just as easily be the chart of some crypto currency or junior miner.At $140, it's 70% down from its $460 high, and it too is in a downtrend. There is support at $120 and it's still three or four times higher than it was before Covid. I wish I'd known about BioNTech in 2020!Moderna (NASDAQ: MRNA) is next and like BioNTech, the other “pure vax play,” this is another pop-and-drop. Cynics would say pump and dump.Gosh, this was a $25 stock in 2020. It went to $500. How fortunes can change.Now it's at $175, 65% of its highs, but above its 200DMA. The shorter-term trend is down, however.Gosh, these vaxco stocks are volatile. As volatile as crypto. (I don't see the FCA warning against them, or indeed banning them though).Johnson & Johnson's (NYSE: JNJ) is next. Like Pfizer, it's not a pure play, but I do not like the look of this chart at all. Double tops and stuff.It's come down hard in 2023. What does the market know that I don't?It's below its 200DMA and trending lower. You want to see that October 2022 low, just around $158, holding, or failing that $152.To be fair to Johnson and Johnson, and not wanting to get too sensationalist, it has previous when it comes to spiky, up-and-down action. See early 2022 for more details.And so to AstraZeneca (LON: AZN) and this too could be displaying the worrying, early 2023 chart sickness of the vaccine major. Not as bad as the other two though.I'm going to give this one the benefit of the doubt and say it's a standard pullback to the 200DMA, which is rising, amidst an ongoing secular bull market.Pre-Covid it was around 7,000p, so it's about 45% up on the back of the pandemic.If they've banned cryptocurrencies, why the FCA hasn't banned speculating in the likes of Novavax (NASDAQ: NVAX), I cannot understand. Where's the consistency? Surely that is what we want from our regulators. In any case, this is one brutal chart, and it's back where it was before Covid.This was a $3 stock at the beginning of 2020. It went to $330. Somebody made a lot of money. Nancy Pelosi is my guess. Or maybe that Fauci bloke. (For the avoidance of legal doubt, I'm joking).Now it's a $10 stock. I make that a 97% drop. Somebody lost a lot of money.By the way, here's a chart of Novavax since its IPO in 1995. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Talk about hype cycles. Fortunes have been made and lost in this company over and over. Remind me to buy it in about a year's time at $5. It'll be $150 or $300 a couple of years after that. (Then remind me to sell it).Next, we have Ocugen (NASDAQ: OCGN). Cripes, it's another one. From a buck to 18 bucks back to a buck. I need to get more into biotech. It's extraordinary.And last up, Vaxart (NASDAQ: VXRT) is developing an oral vaccination tablet. I almost don't need to post this one. You know what's coming.From below a dollar to $25 back to a dollar - and trending lower.So what can we learn from all this?One: vaccines are dead in the water.Two: there might be something nasty lurking in the pipeline for Pfizer, and perhaps Johnson and Johnson. My guess is something legal.If you're buying gold, my current recommended bullion dealer in the UK is The Pure Gold Company, whether you are taking delivery or storing online. Premiums are low, quality of service is high. You can deal with a human being. I have an affiliation deals with them.If you're buying bitcoin, be sure to read my special report.And make your Number One resolution for 2023 to listen to Kisses on a Postcard.This article first appeared at Moneyweek. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.theflyingfrisby.com/subscribe

The CripesCast Podcast
Episode 129 - Ian Bagg

The CripesCast Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 30, 2022 82:56


Comedian Ian Bagg joins Charlie on the Cripescast this week. They compare the Midwest to Canada and pond hockey to river hockey. From working for a traveling carnival in Australia to mining gold in Canada, Ian walks us through his journey to comedy and his love of crowd work. Ian and Charlie trade some regional sayings, winter advice, and Ian shares about the time he accidentally got someone fired.    Get free tickets to see Ian at the Milwaukee Improv Dec. 8-10 by using code CRIPES at https://improv.com/milwaukee/comic/ian+bagg/   Find more of Ians dates at ianbagg.com and find him on social media @ianbagg    Find the Cripescast and Charlie on all platforms @charlieberens and @cripescast. Check out our site cripescast.com for all podcast information, tour updates and merch. For exclusive content, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/charlieberens.    The music behind the advertisements is "Double Polka" by Kevin McLeod. 

Stuff That Interests Me
17 Ways Bitcoin Makes the World Better

Stuff That Interests Me

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 27, 2022 10:53


This was supposed to go out to one and all last week, but for some reason it didn't. So today we try again - and the article can also be the Sunday morning thought piece.What problem does bitcoin solve? How does it make the world better?Merryn posted those questions on Twitter yesterday.It being Twitter, as you might expect, as well some measured, sensible stuff, it met with a barrage of outrage too, with responses ranging in scope from “it's a Ponzi scheme” to “it's destroying the planet” to “it's going to give us world peace”.I thought I'd answer Merryn's questions today, sheltered from the mania of Twitter, in the calm surroundings of this blog.I have been trying, on and off, to orange-pill Merryn since about 2014 and I think it's fair to say, Merryn gets it. She gets fiat money, inflation, money printing, the harm it does, all that stuff. Not only does she get it, she was several years ahead of most of us on that one. She gets the need for apolitical money, lower taxes, less state, less central banking, fewer capital controls - all that stuff too. Cripes, she's been writing about it all long enough.She just isn't crazy about bitcoin. I don't want to put words in her mouth, but I think her objections come, broadly speaking, under three main headers.First, she doesn't like all the Wild West scams, blunders and ensuing losses that have accompanied this new financial technology. The FTXs, the Mt Goxs, the hacking, the extortions - and all the rest of it.Yes, these are not bitcoin, but bad actors operating in and around bitcoin, but bitcoin has still been the enabler. Two, she doesn't like the volatility. The price needs to be more stable, if it's to be a legitimate form of currency or cash.Three, even though bitcoin is, in theory, open to all, in practice it is only open to those technologically savvy or organised enough to be able to store keys, passwords, wallets, seed phrases and so on safely. Those - and there is no shortage of them - who are not comfortable with all of that tend to use third-party providers, which, in the unregulated world of crypto, leaves them vulnerable to those factors listed under “First” - and we are in a loop.I think/hope I've summarised Merryn's core objections - there's probably something I've missed. They are all though, I think, legitimate.So … here, in no particular order, are 17 ways bitcoin makes the world better.  Tell your buddies about this amazing article.1. It separates money and state.If one body in a society has the power to create money at no cost to itself, while the rest of us must expend energy to earn it, it is inevitable that body will have disproportionate power and influence within that society. If you want to know why Western states have grown so large, bloated and invasive, look no further than fiat money systems and the power they give to the state. That money goes on welfare, waste, wars, wokery, whatever. You might agree with some ways that money is spent, or you might not; depends on your politics. Doesn't matter: fiat centralises power in state.Bitcoin removes the ability of the state, and those who operate in it, to print or debase money for their own political agenda.Money, therefore, remains money. It cannot be a political tool.2. It provides a lifelineYou tend to see high bitcoin use under regimes that have seen the greatest destruction to their national currencies - Turkey, Venezuela, Argentina. Bitcoin has provided citizens with an escape. 3. You can send any amount anywhereSending money across borders is hard, even today, whether for large amounts or small. If I want to return the five dollars that somebody in New Orleans gave me last month when I forgot my wallet, or a pound to my friend in India to buy him a cup of coffee, or a thousand pounds to my friend in Iran, I am not entirely sure how I would do all those things. There are forex and other charges. There are processing fees. There can be capital controls. There might be a lot of admin and forms to fill in. Bitcoin is international, borderless, instantaneous and cheap.4. No more capital controls.Governments cannot control the flow of bitcoin capital in or out of the economy. 5. It obviates central banking.The bitcoin inflation rate is transparent and set in code. The central bank can't start using dodgy inflation measures. It can't set the price of money too high or too low for too long. There is no scope for human or policy error.6. It increases financial inclusionAround a quarter of the adult population remains unbanked. Around 1.5 billion people around the world (more women than men) still do not have access to basic financial services, such as a bank account. This, more than anything, roots them in poverty. Yet almost everyone (over 90%) now has a smartphone. All you need to participate in crypto, to start sending and receiving money, is an internet connection.  Bitcoin banks the unbanked.7. It provides privacy. As the world goes cashless, your every transaction now relies on third parties, who know what you are spending your money on. This will get worse with CBDCs. It means there is no privacy. Unless you use crypto.8. The unsolvable problem of digital cashFor decades computer programmers had wrestled with the problem of how to send cash directly from one person to another online without third parties, just as Person A might hand cash to Person B in the real world. No one could solve the problem, so much so that it was deemed insolvable. Then along came Satoshi Nakamoto with his blockchain. It is a major technological breakthrough.9. Digital scarcityOne key reason the digital economy has eclipsed the physical over the last 30 years is scalability. I can upload an app to the App Store and it can be downloaded a billion times, but if I had to manufacture and distribute a billion widgets it would take a great deal more time and effort. Google can make one change to its algorithm, upload and within moments millions of people are benefitting. I can copy and paste some text, a picture, an MP3, any form of code, and send it out to millions. But if you can copy and paste money then it quickly loses its value. How then to create digital scarcity? Satoshi Nakamoto and his blockchain had the answer.10. It educatesBitcoin has got millions, if not billions, thinking about money and money systems, questioning them and their impact, in a way that has never happened in history. “In our time,” said the poet Ezra Pound, “the curse is monetary illiteracy, just as inability to read plain print was the curse of earlier centuries.” But he said that before bitcoin. 11. Excess money supplyIn a world awash with debt-based fiat money systems, the supply of which inevitably increases over time, here is a limited, censorship-resistant, deflationary (using the old definition) system of money, whose supply is finite.12. It has created an entirely new economy and asset class  Crypto didn't exist 15 years ago. Now it's a multi-trillion dollar economy, albeit one in a horrible bear market. Is it money? Is it a digital commodity? Is it a tech stock? It's a new asset class.13. It has provided the young with an opportunity for revenge You know how the economy is rigged against the young, whether it's through house prices, the tax on the future that is debt, or income tax taken to pay for Boomer retirements. Incomprehensible (to the over 50s) crypto is their revenge.14. It stops cancel cultureRemember how the Canadian truckers had their Go Fund Me support, which other Canadian citizens had donated, stopped? Or how Wikileaks had its funding turned off? Or PayPal blocked donations to the Free Speech Union? Or any number of other organisations with the wrong worldview have had their funding turned off? It's much harder to do with bitcoin, where there is more freedom to transact. No more currency wars …15. It stops energy waste and accelerates innovationWith bitcoin's high energy use, it is accelerating energy efficiency, innovation in production and the adoption of renewables. Roughly 60% of bitcoin mining now derives from renewable energy. It costs three times as much to store a unit of electricity than it does to produce it and around the world so much potential energy goes unused or wasted, from gas flaring to hydroelectric in times of high water to nuclear. Bitcoin mining uses energy that would otherwise go wasted to create the most powerful computer network ever known to mankind. 16. Who said and agreed to what, where and whenThis one was pointed out to me by Christopher marshall on Twitter. The unhackable and permanent database that is the blockchain roots information permanently. “A universal witness that can't be corrupted, or censored, of denial of service attacked ... The legal/financial system's ability to prove who knew/agreed to what when is limited by a set of crude adhoc verification procedures.” Bitcoin transforms that.17. It eliminates spamWas that not the original purpose of hashcash stamps, proof of and re-usable proof of work?Narratives take hold over markets, but price often leads narrative. At present, with bitcoin in one of its periodic winters and the price down 75% from its highs, negative sentiment has completely taken over. Few are talking up bitcoin now.In fact with the price down 75%, it's easy to argue that many of the above no longer apply - what is the point of a money if it loses 75%?Fair enough. But that is also manipulating statistics. Look at the numbers over a five year period and the picture is very different. The volatility is a problem for bitcoin if it wants mainstream adoption. But then again the volatility is what attracts people to it in the first place. The narratives come next …Come for the gains. Stay for the revolution.Tell your mates.And subscribe if you haven't already. This is a superb publication.This article first appeared at Moneyweek. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.theflyingfrisby.com/subscribe

The Flying Frisby
17 Ways Bitcoin Makes the World Better

The Flying Frisby

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 27, 2022 10:53


This was supposed to go out to one and all last week, but for some reason it didn't. So today we try again - and the article can also be the Sunday morning thought piece.What problem does bitcoin solve? How does it make the world better?Merryn posted those questions on Twitter yesterday.It being Twitter, as you might expect, as well some measured, sensible stuff, it met with a barrage of outrage too, with responses ranging in scope from “it's a Ponzi scheme” to “it's destroying the planet” to “it's going to give us world peace”.I thought I'd answer Merryn's questions today, sheltered from the mania of Twitter, in the calm surroundings of this blog.I have been trying, on and off, to orange-pill Merryn since about 2014 and I think it's fair to say, Merryn gets it. She gets fiat money, inflation, money printing, the harm it does, all that stuff. Not only does she get it, she was several years ahead of most of us on that one. She gets the need for apolitical money, lower taxes, less state, less central banking, fewer capital controls - all that stuff too. Cripes, she's been writing about it all long enough.She just isn't crazy about bitcoin. I don't want to put words in her mouth, but I think her objections come, broadly speaking, under three main headers.First, she doesn't like all the Wild West scams, blunders and ensuing losses that have accompanied this new financial technology. The FTXs, the Mt Goxs, the hacking, the extortions - and all the rest of it.Yes, these are not bitcoin, but bad actors operating in and around bitcoin, but bitcoin has still been the enabler. Two, she doesn't like the volatility. The price needs to be more stable, if it's to be a legitimate form of currency or cash.Three, even though bitcoin is, in theory, open to all, in practice it is only open to those technologically savvy or organised enough to be able to store keys, passwords, wallets, seed phrases and so on safely. Those - and there is no shortage of them - who are not comfortable with all of that tend to use third-party providers, which, in the unregulated world of crypto, leaves them vulnerable to those factors listed under “First” - and we are in a loop.I think/hope I've summarised Merryn's core objections - there's probably something I've missed. They are all though, I think, legitimate.So … here, in no particular order, are 15 ways bitcoin makes the world better.  Tell your buddies about this amazing article.* It separates money and state.If one body in a society has the power to create money at no cost to itself, while the rest of us must expend energy to earn it, it is inevitable that body will have disproportionate power and influence within that society. If you want to know why Western states have grown so large, bloated and invasive, look no further than fiat money systems and the power they give to the state. That money goes on welfare, waste, wars, wokery, whatever. You might agree with some ways that money is spent, or you might not; depends on your politics. Doesn't matter: fiat centralises power in state.Bitcoin removes the ability of the state, and those who operate in it, to print or debase money for their own political agenda.Money, therefore, remains money. It cannot be a political tool.* It provides a lifelineYou tend to see high bitcoin use under regimes that have seen the greatest destruction to their national currencies - Turkey, Venezuela, Argentina. Bitcoin has provided citizens with an escape. * You can send any amount anywhereSending money across borders is hard, even today, whether for large amounts or small. If I want to return the five dollars that somebody in New Orleans gave me last month when I forgot my wallet, or a pound to my friend in India to buy him a cup of coffee, or a thousand pounds to my friend in Iran, I am not entirely sure how I would do all those things. There are forex and other charges. There are processing fees. There can be capital controls. There might be a lot of admin and forms to fill in. Bitcoin is international, borderless, instantaneous and cheap.* No more capital controls.Governments cannot control the flow of bitcoin capital in or out of the economy. * It obviates central banking.The bitcoin inflation rate is transparent and set in code. The central bank can't start using dodgy inflation measures. It can't set the price of money too high or too low for too long. There is no scope for human or policy error.* It increases financial inclusionAround a quarter of the adult population remains unbanked. Around 1.5 billion people around the world (more women than men) still do not have access to basic financial services, such as a bank account. This, more than anything, roots them in poverty. Yet almost everyone (over 90%) now has a smartphone. All you need to participate in crypto, to start sending and receiving money, is an internet connection.  Bitcoin banks the unbanked.* It provides privacy. As the world goes cashless, your every transaction now relies on third parties, who know what you are spending your money on. This will get worse with CBDCs. It means there is no privacy. Unless you use crypto.* The unsolvable problem of digital cashFor decades computer programmers had wrestled with the problem of how to send cash directly from one person to another online without third parties, just as Person A might hand cash to Person B in the real world. No one could solve the problem, so much so that it was deemed insolvable. Then along came Satoshi Nakamoto with his blockchain. It is a major technological breakthrough.* Digital scarcityOne key reason the digital economy has eclipsed the physical over the last 30 years is scalability. I can upload an app to the App Store and it can be downloaded a billion times, but if I had to manufacture and distribute a billion widgets it would take a great deal more time and effort. Google can make one change to its algorithm, upload and within moments millions of people are benefitting. I can copy and paste some text, a picture, an MP3, any form of code, and send it out to millions. But if you can copy and paste money then it quickly loses its value. How then to create digital scarcity? Satoshi Nakamoto and his blockchain had the answer.* It educatesBitcoin has got millions, if not billions, thinking about money and money systems, questioning them and their impact, in a way that has never happened in history. “In our time,” said the poet Ezra Pound, “the curse is monetary illiteracy, just as inability to read plain print was the curse of earlier centuries.” But he said that before bitcoin. * Excess money supplyIn a world awash with debt-based fiat money systems, the supply of which inevitably increases over time, here is a limited, censorship-resistant, deflationary (using the old definition) system of money, whose supply is finite.* It has created an entirely new economy and asset class  Crypto didn't exist 15 years ago. Now it's a multi-trillion dollar economy, albeit one in a horrible bear market. Is it money? Is it a digital commodity? Is it a tech stock? It's a new asset class.* It has provided the young with an opportunity for revenge You know how the economy is rigged against the young, whether it's through house prices, the tax on the future that is debt, or income tax taken to pay for Boomer retirements. Incomprehensible (to the over 50s) crypto is their revenge.*  It stops cancel cultureRemember how the Canadian truckers had their Go Fund Me support, which other Canadian citizens had donated, stopped? Or how Wikileaks had its funding turned off? Or PayPal blocked donations to the Free Speech Union? Or any number of other organisations with the wrong worldview have had their funding turned off? It's much harder to do with bitcoin, where there is more freedom to transact. No more currency wars …* It stops energy waste and accelerates innovationWith bitcoin's high energy use, it is accelerating energy efficiency, innovation in production and the adoption of renewables. Roughly 60% of bitcoin mining now derives from renewable energy. It costs three times as much to store a unit of electricity than it does to produce it and around the world so much potential energy goes unused or wasted, from gas flaring to hydroelectric in times of high water to nuclear. Bitcoin mining uses energy that would otherwise go wasted to create the most powerful computer network ever known to mankind. * Who said and agreed to what, where and whenThis one was pointed out to me by Christopher marshall on Twitter. The unhackable and permanent database that is the blockchain roots information permanently. “A universal witness that can't be corrupted, or censored, of denial of service attacked ... The legal/financial system's ability to prove who knew/agreed to what when is limited by a set of crude adhoc verification procedures.” Bitcoin transofrms that.* It eliminates spamWas that not the original purpose of hashcash stamps, proof of and re-usable proof of work?Narratives take hold over markets, but price often leads narrative. At present, with bitcoin in one of its periodic winters and the price down 75% from its highs, negative sentiment has completely taken over. Few are talking up bitcoin now.In fact with the price down 75%, it's easy to argue that many of the above no longer apply - what is the point of a money if it loses 75%?Fair enough. But that is also manipulating statistics. Look at the numbers over a five year period and the picture is very different. The volatility is a problem for bitcoin if it wants mainstream adoption. But then again the volatility is what attracts people to it in the first place. The narratives come next …Come for the gains. Stay for the revolution.Tell your mates.And subscribe if you haven't already. This is a superb publication.This article first appeared at Moneyweek. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit frisby.substack.com/subscribe

The CripesCast Podcast
Episode 122 - Shapel Lacey

The CripesCast Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 12, 2022 76:12


This week stand up comedian Shapel Lacey joins Charlie on the Cripescast. Even though his comedy career started on a dare, he eventually wound up at the Just For Laughs New Faces showcases in 2019. He explains how being adopted into a white family at the age of 15 affected his life, his comedy, and ignited his passion for competitive cheering.   Use promo code CRIPES at milwuaukeeimprov.com for free tickets to Shapel's shows on October 21 and 22 and be sure to find more dates to see Shapel at shapellacey.com. Find him on Instagram @shapellacey.    Find the Cripescast on all platforms @cripescast and find us on Patreon for exclusive content, extended cuts, behind the scenes and more at patreon.com/charlieberens.    The music behind the advertisements are "Double Polka" and "Manic Polka" by Kevin McLeod 

The CripesCast Podcast
Episode 119 - Michael Yo

The CripesCast Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 21, 2022 75:25


This week comedian Michael Yo joins Charlie on the Cripescast where the two talk about Michael's career, stand up and his new special “I Never Thought” on YouTube. Michael shares stories of being on “Chelsea Lately” and how his kids have changed his comedy. The two compare their time as red carpet hosts and Michael gives his best advice for anyone wanting to break into the entertainment industry.  Find Michael's special “I Never Thought” on YouTube and find him on all social platforms @michaelyo.  Milwaukee listeners, make sure to use promo code CRIPES to get tickets to see Michael at the Milwaukee Improv September 22-24 improv.com/milwaukee Find us on Patreon at patreon.com/charlieberens and on all social platforms @cripescast and @charlieberens. The music for the Cripescast is “Double Polka” by Kevin McLeod and “Old Wisconsin Jubilee” by Berens and Greuel.

The CripesCast Podcast
Episode 117 - Nick Colletti

The CripesCast Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 7, 2022 61:57


This week, comedian and content creator Nick Colletti joins Charlie on the Cripescast. Nick talks about starting out on Vine and his ambitions on the big screen and on stage. The two discuss social media's role in their comedy and whether Pittsburgh is in the Midwest or not.    Follow Nick @nick_colletti and for more info in his shows head to nickcolletti.com. Use code CRIPES at milwaukeeimprov.com to get $5 tickets to his show TONIGHT!    Follow the Cripescast and Charlie on all platforms @Charlieberens @cripescast and all podcast content can be found at cripescast.com.    The music behind the advertisements is "Double Polka" by Kevin McLeod. 

The Take 3 Theological Variety Hour
36| Can You Keep a Secret? Secret Societies Exposed.

The Take 3 Theological Variety Hour

Play Episode Play 30 sec Highlight Listen Later Jul 3, 2021 60:48


Shhh! Can you keep a secret? Today's episode is about Secret Societies! Mystery Cults, Hellfire Clubs, Symbolism and more! Seth starts us off with a brief over view of the ancient mystery cults, including the Eleusinian Mysteries and the Cults of Mithras and Cybele, then Christine has a word about symbolism and inappropriate cultural projection. Erica finishes off discussing the Hellfire clubs of 17th and 18th Century Britain.Please be sure to subscribe and leave a review! Tell your friends about us and follow us on Instagram! Also, please remember the difference between symbol-ISM and symbol-OGY. Cripes, ppl. . .

Warbirds - Tales From Above
Cripes A' Mighty

Warbirds - Tales From Above

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2021 35:07


One of the best dogfighters we ever saw.  Regarding Mustang drivers, some might even say he was THE best. REFERENCES & LINKS Support Warbirds and Get BONUS EPISODES https://www.patreon.com/warbirdspodcast?fan_landing=true Email Me:  dan@talesfromabove.com Preddy Memorial Foundation Wings God Gave My Soul - By Joseph W. Noah George Preddy - Top Mustang Ace - By Joseph Noah and Samuel L. Sox, Jr. O'Henry Magazine - An Ordinary American Boy - By Ross Howell, Jr. Synopsis of George Preddy - Top Mustang Ace - By Joe Noah The Hall of Valor Project - George Earl Preddy - Sightline Media Group

The CripesCast Podcast
CripesCast Trailer

The CripesCast Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 6, 2021 2:35


Cripes folks it’s the CripesCast trailer! Join host Charlie Berens as he gives you a preview into his podcast, where he interviews people about their story and their connections to the Midwest.

WWrEcap
January 6, 2021 - Much, Much Too Sweet

WWrEcap

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 7, 2021 71:15


Rating: 84% - Must Watch The world is literally on fire … and so is AEW! Wow. That was definitely the worst sell job since Al Snow. If you do nothing else this week, month, or year, go watch the Omega/Fenix match. While you’re at it, you might as well watch the amazing segment that follows and, since you’re already sitting down, check out Shida/Abadon that comes right before it. And since you’ve already spent nearly an hour of your life, just finish watching the whole damn thing why don’t you? Cripes! Like your life is so great that you’ve got better things to do? Watch and listen! And take care of yourselves. We love you all. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/aedoubleback/message

Growing a Lilly
Assessing and raising your life score

Growing a Lilly

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 12, 2020 27:17


When was the last time you sat down with yourself and assessed your life as a whole? On today's episode I walk you through a method from Rob Dial, we use the acronym CRIPES to split up our life into six categories. I talk about how I will be making changes to my life, and why you should start making changes if you are currently unhappy where you are. If you enjoyed today's message share it with someone you love, leave a review and follow the podcast. Keep updated on IG: @growingalilly --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Spocklight: A Star Trek Podcast
Spocklight At the Movies 15: Passenger 57 (w/ Sam Clements & Louise Owen)

Spocklight: A Star Trek Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 9, 2020 81:38


CRIPES, IT'S SNIPES! The Spocklight crew are betting on black as Liam and Paul are joined by Sam Clements & Louise Owen of the '90 Minutes or Less Film Fest' Podcast to dissect Wesley Snipes actioner, Passenger 57 (coming in with a lean and mean running time of 84 minutes), written by David Loughery (Star Trek V: The Final Frontier).   Liam is disappointed by the film seemingly restraining Snipes' natural charisma, Paul is amazed by the fact that despite the film only being 84 minutes long it could easily still be 20 minutes shorter, while Sam reveals the possible origins of the film's most memorable line, "Charles Rane is not insane!" and Louise is surprised that the movie might just pass the Bechdel test.    As usual you can find SPOCKLIGHT on: TWITTER - @spocklightpod INSTAGRAM – @spocklightpod FACEBOOK – https://www.facebook.com/spocklightpod/ EMAIL - spocklightpod@gmail.com Please Follow, like, share and all that good stuff.   You can find Sam @sam_clements and Louise on Instagram @podclash while more information about their fantastic podcast, 90 Minutes or Less Film Fest, can be found at https://www.90minfilmfest.com/ Credit for our wonderful theme music goes to the incredibly talented, Adam Johnston’s, you can find more of his work at - https://adamjohnstonuk.bandcamp.com/ Our beautiful artwork was created by Stephen Trumble, see more at http://www.stephentrumble.com         

Big Red Barrel Podcasts
BRB UK 379: Nook's Got You by the Bells

Big Red Barrel Podcasts

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 21, 2020 73:34


We're going to Geek Out for Gosh and so should you! Joining Dan and Tim this week is the ever-pleasant Sarah Dyer, who is here to let us all know just how we can all get involved in GO4G. On this week's show: Cripes, the PlayStation 5 could be expensive New Animal Crossing New Horizons Direct Corona Virus fears cause Sony to pull out of PAX East Game patches galore! Sarah gives us a rundown of Legends of Runeterra Tim finishes Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales

Your Artificial Friends
167: A Portion Has Distortion

Your Artificial Friends

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 6, 2020 60:40


Cripes.  Here we go again -- we've experienced technical difficulties with our switchover to a new recording interface.  Somehow, somewhere, the signal got distorted to hell and back.  I'm pretty hanked off about it, and will probably remove this podcast sometime soon; but you, the public, deserve to know the truth... or hear Larry's dad jokes, as the case may be.  So, listen.  Or don't.  I couldn't say I blame you.

Glenn Clark Radio
Glenn Clark Radio January 15, 2020 (Deonte Harris, Walt Williams, Mike Bordick)

Glenn Clark Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 15, 2020 136:41


So Art Modell didn't get into the Hall of Fame...but at least Paul Tagliabue did and Maryland lost in heartbreaking fashion last night! Cripes. We discussed it all at the top of today's show and #WouldYouRather the Ravens lost the way they did Saturday night OR have made it to the Super Bowl, you put out a large sum of money for a trip and then they get railroaded? Midway through Hour 1, Saints All-Pro returner Deonte Harris (Archbishop Curley) joined us to discuss his magical rookie campaign after being totally off the radar coming out of college. At the top of Hour 2, Walt "The Wizard" Williams checked in to re-hash Maryland's continued first half and road struggles. And at the bottom of Hour 2, Mike Bordick joined us to share his thoughts about all of the aspects of the sign stealing scandal in baseball.

The SubGenius Hour of Slack Podcast
Hour of Slack #1711 - Philo, Bleepo and Onan Own an Airwave

The SubGenius Hour of Slack Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2019 59:51


It's Old Coots Night again, but this time we mix it up with music and radio theater. Rev. Priest has a very catchy new song, "I'm a SubGenius Preacher;" Morgan Gutentag has a song with a gimmick; The Psycho Skeletons have a new instrumental from Beyond; and we hear a classic Bleepo Abernathy Earworm, "On and Off the Road with "Bob." Bleepo whips out a Firesign Theatre-influenced "radio bit" he did in 1979 with The Duke of Madness, a Boston DJ at the time, and premieres a new Bleepo Earworm. Philo, Bleepo and Stang have all been doing radio literally for decades, and yet they still ramble on. We hear true tales of losing and gaining family farms to Snidely Whiplash and Jasper Johns. Philo has skeletons on his farm. Philo has new albums coming and runs potential album names by us. Church Secrets are revealed (yawn) and old survivors bemoan our younger friends who were untimely snatch'd from this Vale of Tears and Yuks.The Firesign Theatre and other weird radio theater comedy is discussed. There is a break for Dr. Onan Canobite's latest "Advice to Rev. Funnyname" epistle! Local horror hosts and kiddie show hosts are bragged on. Cripes, these three codgers might as well be sitting on a bench outside the old courthouse, whittlin', spittin', and bullshittin'. N' diddlin' chickens n' guit-fiddlin'. TO DONATE TO HOUR OF SLACK: http://subgenius.com/ts/hos.html Order Lonesome Cowboy Dave's novel NEIGHBORWORLD and/or THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS (signed): http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/books.htm GoFundMe for Lonesome Cowboy Dave: https://www.gofundme.com/gm8su-dave

The Infinite Escape Room
Cripes, it's time to escape the Boarding School!

The Infinite Escape Room

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 13, 2019 30:06


Gosh farthing perkins! Looks like those frightful coves Ben, Chris and Mike have got themselves trapped in the Boarding school! Will they escape before Professor Bumthresher, Master of Caning finds out Chris has been dipping his hand in the tuck till? Will Mater and Pater forget we're here, and leave us here for the summer? Why not tune in your internet wireless and find out?   Flip-jiggery, if you enjoy the podcast, please don't forget to subscribe you frightfully lovely folk. If you'd like to contact us, make a request or leave a comment, you can reach us at theinfiniteescaperoom.com, on our facebook page or our twitter feed (@TIER_podcast). We're also on the Instagrams with the rest of the kids and we still have no idea how it works.

High & Tight
High & Tight

High & Tight

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 2, 2018 62:21


284 is great. Benny and RZ look in live, as the Red Sox clinch the division. That's pretty sweet. They then talk about winning, and how the New England area has become very proficient at doing so. Then they talk NFL kickoff, and how endlessly sweet the "Are you ready for some football" song is. That track is timeless. Get over it. Cripes, let's just cut to the chase here: The fellas talk about, and play a clip of one of the many many slick stories that Peter O'Tooler and Richard Harris tell, about getting drunk together. That's the real magic here. Listen up. 

Lucky Roland
GREENING OUT #33 - Bulletin [10.6.18]

Lucky Roland

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 10, 2018 44:26


Fresh eco news podcast: 1. Old wheelie bins are being slung up trees as prospective homes for wildlife affected by habitat loss from deforestation. Cool initiative but begs the question; do human’s best efforts still involve putting nature in the bin? 2. Whale dies after eating 8 kilos of plastic amid recalculation of Great Pacific Garbage patch extent - roughly the size of Queensland as it goes. Floating. In the sea. A Queensland-size patch of rubbish floating in the sea. Yup. That’s real. 3. The question of our lifetime prevails and I can’t stop thinking about it: if we use technology to ‘repair’ nature, aren’t we really just creating a new version of nature? Cripes. This whole thing is called geoengineering and one doctor calls it the Voldemort of climate change because the scientific community cant bring themselves to discuss it. Makes me a psycho slutherin for wanting to talk about it I guess? 4. Coles and Woolies biff on for the title of heavyweight sustainability champ. So far everyone is winning. Hooray! Every dollar votes! 5. Having a homeless population with nothing to eat shouldn’t happen anywhere, let alone a place where countless tonnes of perfectly edible food is thrown in the bin on the daily. Stupid right? OzHarvest thinks so. 6. What would you choose, run through a bushfire or chance a swim in crocodile-infested waters? Nope, you’re not a character in some young adult fiction, you’re a tourist on holiday in the Northern Territory very recently. 7. Of the 83 shipping containers lost in the ocean off Port Stephens this week, only 1 has been found. Needless to say we are at blue-head emoji level panic stations. Kudos to all volunteers who collected debris from a NSW beach this week! 8. We’ve really gotta pump the brakes on sashimi. If you don’t have the sustainableseafood app on your pocket-computer you should get it, it’s a bloody ripper. Make responsible choices peeps! (like listening to this podcast) www.everydaygreen.org

Lucky Roland
GREENING OUT #32 - Bulletin [6.6.18]

Lucky Roland

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2018 50:13


Didn’t get this up over the weekend, too busy down south playing in the sea and such. Another bulletin up now but, you know the drill yeh? Here’s wus occuring: 1. Building houses and roads in active dune systems is a stupid thing we can’t stop doing 2. The Great Barrier Reef reacting to climate change is like an elephant trying to get out of the way of a bullet train - it might be able to avoid disaster, but it relies entirely on whether the train slows down or not. Sort of? #shitmetaphors 3. We’re figuring out things to do with rubbish than leaving it to fester in a landfill pit that we never have to see or think about. Choice! 4. Would you eat whale? Nah? Me neither, but I’m not 100% sure what separates a whale from any other mammal. Any ideas? If you’ve got any Norwegian m8s they might be keen for a ch@ with u 5. Feral cats are a gnarly problem we might be able to solve with technology, but if we use technology to repair nature, is that technology repairing nature? Or just inventing a new version of nature? Cripes what a question (hmu if you have the answer) 6. Vegan definitely ain’t the answer, but the reality is that even the most responsible meat production is more harmful than the most environmentally-damaging vegetables. Yup, reality bites, but vego is the future. Give it a listen. Tidy! www.everydaygreen.org [NOTE: when I say there are nutritional deficiencies in veganism I am speaking broadly - I reckon we can agree that the dietary restructuring and level to which you must supplement is broadly prohibitive for the vast majority of people!]

The Fantasticast
Episode 259: Marvel Two-in-One #30 - Battle Atop Big Ben

The Fantasticast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2017 58:52


Cripes, Explosion! Hello, and welcome to episode 259 of The Fantasticast. Each week, Steve Lacey and Andy Leyland guide you through every issue, guest-appearance and cameo of The Fantastic Four. This week, we're returning to jolly ol' London town for an issue of Marvel Two-in-One. Ben just wants to relax and see the sights, but Spider-Woman insists on attacking at every opportunity, and two crooks are content to blow up everything they can to avoid attracting attention. It's not a particularly clever plan, but it's the one we've got. Marv Wolfman, John Buscema, and Pablo Marcos present Marvel Two-in-One #30, a comic book that, if you hold at an angle and squint slightly, makes sense. As well as the plot and art, we discuss how to forget Julia Carpenter, the usefulness of Spider-Woman's hood, and just what Steve misses about Eastenders. Send in your feedback to fantastic4podcast@gmail.com, leave your comments at the libsyn site, or at www.TheFantasticast.com. Follow us on twitter, where we are @fantasticast The Fantasticast is Patreon supported. Visit www.patreon.com/fantasticast to donate and support us. The Fantasticast is part of the Flickering Myth Podcast network. Original artwork by Michael Georgiou. Check out his work at mikedraws.co.uk Episode cover design by Samuel Savage.

Stacey's Pop Culture Parlour
Episode 77: I Say "Yarp"

Stacey's Pop Culture Parlour

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 20, 2017 51:12


What ho, lovely listeners, welcome to the newly refurbished Parlour! Joining me and the slight smell of paint in the Parlour this month is official Friend of the Show and me; Nick Papaconstantinou! Despite being incredibly tired, neither of us seem to be able to stop talking so in this episode (the first half of our epic ramblement) we cover such delightful topics as why Speed Racer may or may not be awful, Adam Ellis' haunting (it isn't real, says I!), transformative bodily functions, voice acting, Stranger Things and more! Cripes! Enjoy! Episode Theme - 'Bird Set Free' by Sia End Theme - '(Don't) Give Hate A Chance' by Jamiroquai Stacey on Twitter: @StaceysParlour Nick on Twitter: @nixsight Stacey's Ko-Fi page (aka her Virtual Tip Jar!): https://ko-fi.com/staceysparlour Nick's podcasts: http://othertenpercent.net/

Take The Points
Episode 16 - Someone End These NBA Playoffs Already!

Take The Points

Play Episode Listen Later May 9, 2017 46:42


Holy snoozefest! Can any game get within single digits in the NBA Playoffs?! Cripes. The dudes of expertism serve you 46 minutes of below average podcasting in this episode where we touch on the NBA and NHL Playoffs. Penguins get their souls crushed. Rangers got a chance?! The Raptors stink! Lebron still in his prime?! And how about those Big Baller Brand flip flops?! THE ELECTRIC FACTORY IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS!

Take The Points
Episode 16 - Someone End These NBA Playoffs Already!

Take The Points

Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2017 46:42


Holy snoozefest! Can any game get within single digits in the NBA Playoffs?! Cripes. The dudes of expertism serve you 46 minutes of below average podcasting in this episode where we touch on the NBA and NHL Playoffs. Penguins get their souls crushed. Rangers got a chance?! The Raptors stink! Lebron still in his prime?! And how about those Big Baller Brand flip flops?! THE ELECTRIC FACTORY IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS!

Good Fundies
Beyond Cripes

Good Fundies

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2016 45:04


The Mets just lost 2 of 3 to the Phillies and the Marlins at home, so Brian and Roger start by asking who the worst player on the Mets the other would sacrifice their body to save. Then it's a friendly dismissal of Collins' use of the bullpen, thoughts on 'Panic City', when the Grandy Man will get a resty rest, answers to some questions left by tweeters, and yes, more. Recorded April 13, 2016.

RISK!
Cripes

RISK!

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 9, 2015 60:14


Rye Silverman, Steve Belanger and Andrea Allan share stories of cripes-tastic crises.

UK Podcast – Big Red Barrel
BRB UK 93: There's Somebody At The Door

UK Podcast – Big Red Barrel

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2014


Cripes, crivens and c'or blimey! All three of BRB UK crew are in residence (for a change) this week. The post BRB UK 93: There’s Somebody At The Door appeared first on BigRedBarrel.

Big Red Barrel Podcasts
BRB UK 93: There's Somebody At The Door

Big Red Barrel Podcasts

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2014 61:05


Cripes, crivens and c'or blimey! All three of BRB UK crew are in residence this week - so join Dan, Jon and Tim for some general witterings about all things gaming. This week, we prattle on about: Jon's got a Vita Goat Simulator Irrational Games shuts down Microsoft decides to trial 'competitive digital pricing' The Titanfall beta Strider Lego Movie (the Movie) Threes Marvel Puzzle Quest Dark Reign

Jason Cobb's posts
#Wivenhoe Passion Play 2 - the crucifixion. Cripes.

Jason Cobb's posts

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 7, 2012 1:44


4thletter!
Fourcast! 100: Episode 100

4thletter!

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 7, 2011 66:12


-Cripes, we’ve done one hundred of these things -This time, we’re just talking about various things we like about comics for an hour or so -6th Sense’s 4a.m. Instrumental for the theme music. -Here comes a new challenger! -See you, space cowboy! Subscribe to the Fourcast! via: –Podcast Alley feed! –RSS feed via Feedburner –iTunes StoreSimilar Posts: Fourcast! 89: Don’t Call It A Reboot! Fourcast! [...]

Big Red Barrel Podcasts
SG UK 33: Hold It In Until Ready

Big Red Barrel Podcasts

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 14, 2011 42:04


Cripes, it's SGUK 33! Join CapnAverage, MightyMutt and Yamster as they gallop gallantly into the gorges of great British videogaming culture. This week, the trio wax lyrical (and not so lyrical) about: PlayStation Notwork (again) F1 2011 preview Grand Prix Story Burnout Crash Great British Debate: Do online passes suck? Bonus content this week is another wallpaper courtesy of community member Skuhtu.

Big Red Barrel Podcasts
SG UK 20: Padding Out the 3DS

Big Red Barrel Podcasts

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2011 45:02


Cripes, crivens and good heavens, it can only be SGUK episode 20! Slightly sleepy after losing an hour of sleep, CapnAverage, MightyMutt and Yamster spend this week discussing the 3DS post-launch and a couple of other British gaming nuggets: Apologies to New Zealand Doctor Kawashima saves Japan The iPad 2's failure to launch The 3DS hardware Our 3DS games of choice Great British Debate: Will Duke Nukem Forever ever be released? Contest reminder: Win Dragon Age 2 Signature Edition Contest heads-up: Bionic Commando Rearmed 2 codes

Jason Cobb's posts
Rosehip picking. Cripes.

Jason Cobb's posts

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 25, 2010 1:31


Big Red Barrel Podcasts
SGCP- OHMSS 9.67

Big Red Barrel Podcasts

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 21, 2010 25:27


This week, it's Yamster's turn to saunter off on holiday - so, in order to save you from a lacklustre week lacking in British sarcasm, CaptainAverage and MightyMutt are proud to present Episode 9 and two thirds (or 9.67 as the kids are calling it) of On Her Majesty's Sarcastic Service.So tune in, grab a cup of tea and, for the first time ever, potentially win stuff.  Cripes.On this episode, your band of belligerent Brits ramble on about:Our E3 predictions - just how wrong did we get it?A particularly epic Middle Class Moan from MightyMuttMedal of Honour beta codes competition (email your entries to capnaverage@sarcasticgamer.com)The background music for this podcast was kindly provided by those splendid folks at www.danosongs.com

Sundays Supplement
Ep 101: A Lib Off

Sundays Supplement

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 13, 2010 27:29


Cripes:Episode One Hundred And OneWhat better way to kick of a new centenary than with Nosferatu in a head to head battle with Paddington Bear?

Mark Allen's Spraffcast
Mark Allen's Spraffcast - Episode 10

Mark Allen's Spraffcast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 20, 2009 34:20


Episode 10 of the Spraffcast with comedian Mark Allen and "Titular Reverand of the Church of Our Lady of the Spraff, Swaffham" Eli Silverman. Featuring Lonely Hates, Poetry Smackdown and all manner of other spraff and nonsense. Cripes.

church our lady mark allen cripes swaffham eli silverman
JayWontdart's podcast
Episode 41 Chickens

JayWontdart's podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 28, 2009


EpisodeChickenshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChickenHello and welcome to another quality episode of Jay Wont dart's podcast, where I talk about things that live in my backyard.My intro was from over population is a myth .com . I'd mentioned overpopulation as being a danger in an earlier episode, perhaps I were wrong, going to over population is a myth.com doesnt take very long, so why not? My father recently bought home some chickens, two hens and a rooster. Im against having pets, but having spent time with these lovely birds, I'd find it hard to send these chickens on their way. I've never really liked cats or dogs, I find them noisy and messy, but birds and insects have always been very dear to me.I'll read from wikipedia,"Chickens are omnivores.[9] In the wild, they often scratch at the soil to search for seeds, insects and even larger animals such as lizards or young mice[10].Chickens may live for five to eleven years, depending on the breed.[11] In commercial intensive farming, a meat chicken generally lives only six weeks before slaughter.[12] A free range or organic meat chicken will usually be slaughtered at about 14 weeks. Hens of special laying breeds may produce as many as 300 eggs a year. After 12 months, the hen's egg-laying ability starts to decline, and commercial laying hens are then slaughtered and used in baby foods, pet foods, pies and other processed foods.[13] The world's oldest chicken, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, died of heart failure when she was 16 years old.[14]"At the back of this house, there are a few brick sheds, a glasshouse and a chicken coup are the main ones. If you go to my flickr account, which I'll link to on my blog, jaywontdart.blogspot.com , you can see photos and even videos of the chickens and where they are living. I'll play the audio from the videos in this episode, but its much better if you see the chickens for yourself! I tried to record the noises they make by taking my laptop into the chicken coup, it was a little difficult, I didnt want to get smeared chicken poo on my PowerBook, but I somewhat pulled it off. They are very quiet, but you can make them out, they often make little noises to talk to each other, they like to stay near each other at all times.This is one clip I made of the chickens talking to each other. Here I am feeding the rooster grain, he pecks food from your hand.Having just been moved here, they are still very nervous about where they now live. The chickens stay together at all times, and I think they must be very scared of us. I try and be as nice as I can to them, I call out before I go into the chicken coop, so I can get them used to my voice, so they know to expect someone to come crashing through the door that had been close for the previous hours. I feed them grain and chicken mash, and put water in a large saucer for them to drink from, although I still havnt seen them drink yet. The hens in particular are extra scared, boy chickens, roosters, and girl chickens, hens, are very different from each other, its kind of like the 1950's, where women stayed at home and raised the children, while the men were police, chasing bad guys and protecting the community. The hens seem almost petrified if they are ever out of sight of the rooster, they really need him to lead them. I think this is because they trust him so much, and they are so very nervous at the moment, having just been bought here, I hope if future they will confidently walk further away from him.On my flickr account, you can see this video, where I give a little tour of where these chickens live.Looking up chicken care websites, many start off saying that chickens are lovely animals to keep as pets, and then once they get to a suitable size, you kill them for meat! Cripes! One site had a indepth tutorial on how to kill them, how to pull their guts out right. On the site, the ads were to do withGrisley "related resources" panel "Related ResourcesMeat Electric Grinder Meat Rib Brat Lamb Chop Lamb Eel Meat Grinder Oyster Wings Ostrich Brain Crabs Sushi"I was reminded of a podcast episode debating veganism and a standard diet including animal byproducts. In this debate, the person who eats animal products defends it because he sees chickens as very stupid animals. This is from the Debate Hour podcast, which you can find a few free episodes on iTunes by searching for "debate hour".What a load of rubbish, chickens are very much living, feeling animals. I do notice that they move oddly, every move a chicken makes is a jerk, they dont move smoothly, they whirr and click, as if they have gears with cogs inside their bodies, they have to stop at certain points, as the cogs catch. This looks pretty odd, the way they jerk so much, but its endearing, not something to hate them about. Its a bird thing. Chickens definitely care about each other, as I said, the hens really want to stay with the rooster. When a Rooster finds food, he will often call the hens over to eat, he looks after them. And of course, we all know how maternal hens are, its used as a description of mothers, "you're like a mother hen", as women age, they become "broody", when they want to settle down and have children. Chickens may not be as smart as some animals, but theres no doubt they feel just as well as any animal, including people. From being around chickens, theres certainly no reason I can see for eating them.Thank you for listening.You can find the script for this episode, as well as downloads for every episode of Jay Wont darts podcast at jaywontdart.blogspot.comIf you want to contact me, even just to say you listened, send an email to jaywontdart@gmail.com, j a y w o n t d a r t @ gmail.com, I'd appreciate it.Have a super happy day, bye.Sources=======http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken

JayWontdart's podcast
Episode 39 Dog Eating=Lamb Beheading=Cat Dissection

JayWontdart's podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 17, 2009


Episode 39Dog eating = Lamb beheading = Cat dissectionHello and welcome to Jay Wont darts podcast, where I cover shocking animal treatment worldwide, and that includes Nuclear Free, Gods Own, clean green New Zealand.My intro was from episode 100 of No Agenda.I'd been planing to talk about the topics of this episode for months, I've heard many stories of animal abuse that are all equally shocking, but I wanted to fit them together somehow. I've decided to do this episode now, because animal treatment has been in the New Zealand news. Just today, it was reported a Tongan man living in Auckland New Zealand had killed his dog. This has been on the mainstream news, and will be talked about for weeks to come. Also, a boys pet lamb had its head cut off, and he found it dead. This made national news. I would like to mention another shocking animal story, in America its apparently quite common to dissect cats, actual pussy cats, in high schools and universities. I cant imagine that happening in New Zealand, although its hard to imagine anyone cutting open cats.First the New Zealand stories.Lamb BeheadedThis story was reported on by a Taranaki newspaper, I dont know where exactly this happened, but its somewhere in Taranaki, New Zealand."Pet lamb beheaded in paddock A little boy went out to cuddle his pet lamb and found somebody had cut its head off."Who could do such a sadistic thing?" his mother Mandy Kalin is asking.The Dorset Horn ram lamb was about six months old and had been bottle-reared by the three children. Braith, aged 4 1/2 years, had claimed it for his own and named it Shaun (after the Wallace and Gromit character).On Tuesday evening Braith went out with his dad Jason to feed the animals on their lifestyle block near Eltham. Shaun wasn't running about on his chain."Dad, why has Shaun got no head?" Braith asked. "Why isn't he moving?"Shaun was dead and his head with its little horns was missing. They later concluded the head must have been wrapped in a towel taken from the clothesline, because there was no blood.Nobody was home during the afternoon and Shaun had no fear of humans.Mrs Kalin said she wanted the sick person responsible for the killing "to know that this was a little boy's pet and he made this horrible discovery himself"."I want that person to feel bad about the terrible thing he has done."The kids are petrified. It's not something we can hide from them, we've had to tell them what happened. The other sheep in the paddock, which was also on a chain, wasn't touched. If the lamb had been killed for the meat while they were grazing on the roadside, I could possibly understand it, but not this."It's not something a normal, straight person would ever do."Jason Kalin has told the police he suspects somebody with a grudge was responsible, but can't discuss the details. The police told him there have been no other such incidents in the area."Ok, I feel this story is awful, so do most people. My point is, whats the difference between this baby sheep, and all the other sheep killed in New Zealand every day? That a little boy loved this particular sheep, and that he doesnt cry about all the other sheep in New Zealand who are slaughtered, I dont see that as a big difference. Im not heartless to the child being upset, but to me, this sheep is just one out of many who are horribly killed everyday. This was reported on in mainstream New Zealand news, we can all agree killing a pet sheep is awful. But, these same newspapers will advertise butchers, often I see ads in The Southland Times featuring the latest cheap meat at local butcheries. Theres an ad on the Golden Oldies radio station thats on at work, it has the Beef + Lamb Theme song, that Im told used to be a T Rex song, "dum dum dum we love to boogie", you know what I mean. Now whenever I hear that song, I think of meat. On this particular radio ad, the voice over guy uses a real Southern Bloke voice, he talks "kinda like this mate, a real tough southern bloke, not like those jaffas in auckland mate, nah mate, hes a REAL man who eats meat and drinks speights beer!". The guy mentions the "bloody good meat prices, top quality, you pay, just less". Does anyone else hearing the ad notice the words "bloody" and "meat" the way I do? Its not a nice image, I dont want to buy something thats bloody, or meat. I know its just the kiwi slang, saying somethings "bloody" doesnt mean is dirty, its used like "damn", as in "damn good".Also, how are these prices so low, how can a farmer offer cheaper meat at the same quality? Id assume the easiest way would be to care less about the animals needs, not spend so much taking care of an animal, instead reduce your costs and pass it on to the consumer.This is why I dont agree with Animal Welfare, when the farmers are for Animal Welfare, you know its bad. When people who promote Animal Welfare eat animals themselves, its obvious its not going to eliminate people killing animals, is it? I dont know any Abolitionists who eat meat, so Animal Abolition must be a better, common sense position to take on these issues.Tongan Man cooks his pet dog to be eaten.I happened to hear about this through the TradeMe message board. I'll play a TVNZ news clip about the story.aww isnt that nice, instead of eating their unwanted animals, now they will dump them at animal shelters. Real progress being made.The story has been all over the internet, and I expect it to be bought up in newspapers nationwide in coming days, old media is always late to the party.Basically the issue is, its apparently not illegal what the man did, he killed the dog "humanely", im doing quote movements with my hands as I say that, "humanely", with a bonk on the head. The dog was then cooked outdoors. I've seen photos of the dog, and it doesnt look like it were cooked at all, it has a couple of patches on it, but its not singed black from head to tail, and it doesnt look like it was even gutted. People online are furious, I often go to the Trademe Message board to see what the nation is talking about. On the Trade Me Message Board, you mostly see right wing racist remarks, blaming the government for making everyone too "soft", "everything these days is too PC, all this politically correct bullshit, in my day we beat our kids for reading books and getting smart, and now we have this internet thing and the violent video games have made all the toddlers into Charles Mansons, its those weed smoking hippies in the Green party who are to blaaaaaaaaame". You can never expect a serious discussion on the message board, its an auction site, not a dedicated forum, there are few tools on the forum, and yet it is by far New Zealands most popular local site, and the place people go to talk about politics and whats happening.Im really impressed with the number of people who mention that dogs are no different than any other animal killed to be eaten. Its really made me feel like I have some support, like Im not the only one advocating leaving animals alone. Others have mentioned not eating any animals, but they dont get taken seriously. The other side blames all the Pacific Islanders and Asian people for eating dogs, and they cant seem to get it that when it comes to animals, all men are Nazis as Isaac Bashevis Singer said. I wish I could make them believe me when I say all animals are equal, all should have the right to live their lives, but they seem to deny any similarities. Some arguments I've seen are that "we dont do that in New Zealand", as if we are good people and people overseas who eat dogs are terrible. I dont understand how anyone can say things like that.I also have the SPCAs view on this event, listen to what they talk about, they clearly mention animal WELFARE, and mention how difficult it is to change the law, as it could make all animals un killable. What an awful world that would be, if it were illegal to kill cows and chickens and pigs and sheep and dogs......There we go, confirming animals are legally just peoples property, you own them, and can do anything you want to them. Yet another reason to reject animal welfare, and instead focus on creative vegan education, as the wise sage on NZ Vegan says. Researching this episode I've found other websites that talk about eating cats and dogs. Apparently its common to eat dogs in Tonga. I found one website that had a tourists account of eating dog. I'll read the full post , the website url will be in my notes."Kai Kule – Eating my first dog. October 13 2007Don’t come over for lunch, the dog we planned to eat has run off. We are looking for it.”Mau, the talking chief of the village has arranged for me to “Kai kuli” or eat dog. His cousin has been fattening one up and today was the day.Disappointed I ate lunch with my host family.It was a few hours later that Mau called back. “They found the dog!”My host mom, Sila bounced us over the unpaved road to Mau’s cousin in the four-wheel drive van. We could already smell roasting flesh rising from a hole dug in the back yard. A traditional Tongan umu, it’s fire fueled by coconut husks. All that remained were the coals and red-hot rocks heated by the fire.A heap of steaming intestines lay on a banana leaf before dogs and pigs devoured them. The hide was already gone, only patches of dark hair remain. A bag made fro a leave held the chopped up heart, which along with the head went into the umu.A layer of sticks supported another layer of leaves and an old carpet. Once the carpet covered the hole, one of the men shoveled dirt over it to complete the umu.After a short trip to the beach we returned to the house. The men opened the umu releasing the greasy smell of roast meat. Banana leaves tossed into the yard served a our picnic table as the sizzling carcass was picked up with sticks and dropped in our midst. A few quick hacks with a knife to dismember the dog, a few shakes of salt into piles on the leaves and we were ready to eat.A prayer in Tongan and everyone started to rip into the food with their bare hands. My host mother, Sila, announced that it was a “greasy dog”. I had just taught her the English word a few hours earlier.It took only a few minutes and the ribs lay bare. One of the men ripped open the leaf bag and we all reached in to try the pieces of heart.Grease covered my hands and face. Beneath my nails dog sat dog meat. No – there are no napkins here…This was a great chance to share a cultural experience with some of the men of the village. I now have Mau’s phone number and am comfortable sitting next to him at the Kava circle. I am learning to network in Tonga."Cat Dissection.This article was in the Miami Herald, you can find this story at Miami Herald.comA teen accused of killing 19 cats must be held for 48 hours as doctors conduct a psychological evaluation, a judge ruledAlleged cat mutilator Tyler Weinman is no stranger to feline anatomy -- he dissected the animals last year in class at Palmetto High.That revelation came Monday, the same day a judge ordered Weinman, 18, to stay in jail for 48 hours pending a psychiatric evaluation. He is accused of slaughtering 19 house cats across South Miami-Dade.Palmetto High anatomy teacher Lynn Evans, a self-described animal lover, said she was shocked to learning her quiet former student had been arrested and charged with cruelty to animals.''I don't know how we can bridge the gap between a controlled [classroom] situation, to what this disturbed young man has done,'' Evans said in an interview, adding that about 8,000 of her students have dissected cats during her 24 years of teaching anatomy.The investigation into the mutilated cats -- found strewn throughout South Miami-Dade -- has for weeks riveted South Florida, terrorized pet owners and sparked massive media attention.Weinman was charged Sunday with 19 counts of felony animal cruelty, and 19 counts of improperly disposing of an animal body.Back at Palmetto High, students and staff were still stunned by Weinman's arrest.Anatomy ClassEvans, the anatomy teacher, said that dissecting dead cats -- the packaged corpses are distributed by biological supply companies -- is common because the animals have an internal body structure similar to humans.''Decades of people in the anatomy field have started with dissecting cats,'' she said.Investigators, still chasing leads that could net more arrests, were mum on whether Weinman's classroom training played a role in the teen's alleged crime spree. Prosecutors say they have a suspected motive, but cannot release details.''We are aware that he attended the anatomy class,'' said Von Zamft, who declined to comment further because of the ongoing probe."As I mentioned at the start of this episode, its apparently common in America to dissect cats in high school and university. PETA wrote an open letter to the principal of the boys school. I'll read part of PETA's letter.PETA's Open Letter RE Cat Killer"You may also be aware of the well-established link between animal abuse in adolescence and subsequent violent behavior toward humans. For example, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer attributed his fascination with murder and mutilation to classroom dissections. In the last interview before his death, televised on Dateline NBC, Dahmer stated, "In ninth grade, in biology class, we had the usual dissection of fetal pigs, and I took the remains of that [pig] home and kept the skeleton of it, and I just started branching out to dogs, cats." According to Dahmer, he enjoyed the excitement and power he experienced when cutting up animals and fantasized about cutting up a human body. This disturbing cycle of violence can be curtailed by instilling respect for animals in students at Palmetto High. A good place to start is to provide them with humane science lessons in place of lessons that teach students to treat animals as "objects" that can be used and abused at will. "In America, companies provide dead cats, sealed in bags, to dissection classes. Large companies do nothing but procure animals, and prepare them to be killed.I'll read from one companies websites, the Carolina company, links are in the notes."Why dissect a cat?Computer-assisted learning and the use of plastinated specimens can supplement dissection, but they cannot give a complete idea of what an organ or organ system is really like. Dissection is the best way for students to obtain knowledge of tissue characteristics, such as strength, composition, color, and texture and to understand the 3-dimensional relationships of organs and organ systems. One of the best specimens to use for exploring mammalian anatomy is the cat. It is large enough for its internal organs (which are much like our own) to be found easily and for its blood vessels to be traced, but not so large as to present special difficulty in storage and handling. Preserved cat specimens are also reasonably priced and readily available.How does Carolina obtain its cats?Animal shelters licensed by the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) supply us with euthanized cats that would otherwise be destined for the landfills were they not reutilized for science classrooms. The USDA, under the Animal Welfare Act, governs the procurement of animals. Carolina is proud to have an outstanding USDA inspection and compliance record, and we are committed to treating all animals in a humane manner."Did you like the words used? "reutilized" is a good one, as in cats had an original purpose, are worthless dead, but oh wait! look! Carolina dead cat company to the rescue! They REUSE dead cats, isnt that great? Very green, Carolina really cares for our environment, because we only have one mother earth you know! Cripes, what a load of trash! Theres no nice way to explain a bunch of kids hacking up kitty cats.I've heard reports from well known sources that many of these preserved cats are infact Mexican pet cats, that vans go about villages with a siren going off, alerting people to bring out cats to be sold. People will trap cats, knowing the van will be doing its rounds soon. These poor mexicans will sell cats for about a US dollar, and then companies that sell the preserved cats, will make much, much more than that. I've seen these preserved cats selling for about 50 US dollars, thats about 70 dollars NZ lets say. A lot of money really, there are some kits for a full classroom that are over 500 US dollars. Im told the cats are drowned, then are injected with preserving fluids, they are drained of blood and have resins injected into their ateries etc to make them more visible, easy for teachers to point out to students, as the cats are hacked at.Carolina has a website where you can buy cats, dogs, and fetal pigs. They sell preserved sheeps organs, although i didnt see any full preserved sheep for sale.Do you know what I find so odd about this? That Carolina is so open about what they do, as if this is totally normal, to be cutting up cats and dogs who were abandoned at animal shelters, left to die. They even have a Twitter account, shocking huh?http://twitter.com/CarolinaBioThey have over 50 people following them.In america, I'm told over 100,000 cats are dissected every year. Included in my notes are graphic pictures of how the cats are stored in bags, legs all stretched out as if in pain, and how they are cut up. I really hope you will look at these upsetting photos, because it really puts everything into perspective. Its all well and good talking about these problems, but I believe that these photos will really move you, its so obviously a cat in the photos, no different than all the other cats people have as pets. Looking at photos of animal abuse lets people decide for themselves whats happening, theres not any bias passed on by a story teller, instead you see the event frozen in time, as a photo.I hope you've listened all the way through this episode, I know its a difficult topic. I wish people would see that cats, dogs and other pets are no different than any other animal, as these stories appear in the mainstream media, I hope to promote veganism. So far, I've only been met with ridicule, with people telling me Im nuts for not eating meat, but I'll keep at it, it doesnt take that much effort to be heard online, and if just one person decides to become vegan because of me, then its truly worth my time.Thank you for listening.You can find the script for this episode, as well as downloads for every episode of Jay Wont darts podcast at jaywontdart.blogspot.comIf you want to contact me, even just to say you listened, send an email to jaywontdart@gmail.com, j a y w o n t d a r t @ gmail.com, I'd appreciate it. My outro is from No Agenda 117Have a super happy day, bye.Sources========Tongan man cooks doghttp://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/no-charges-man-barbecued-dog-2919419tv3 videohttp://www.3news.co.nz/SPCA-concerned-after-dog-eating-incident/tabid/572/articleID/116902/cat/41/Default.aspxeating dog in tongahttp://tongaadventure.blogspot.com/2007/10/kai-kule-eating-my-first-dog-oct-13.htmlCat Killerhttp://blog.peta.org/archives/2009/06/does_high_schoo.phpCat dissection photos etchttp://biology.clc.uc.edu/fankhauser/Labs/Anatomy_&_Physiology/A&P201/Cat_Skinning/Cat_Skinning.htmCarolina dead cat supply company (my words)http://www.carolina.com/product/221481.dohttp://www.carolina.com/category/teacher+resources/dissection+activities+and+resources/cat+dissection.dohttp://www.carolina.com/product/455572.dohttp://bio.bd.psu.edu/cat/cat dissection factshttp://www.sniksnak.com/aavs3.htmlPETA letter, from PETACat Killer news stories from Miami Herald,

Mark Allen's Spraffcast
Mark Allen's Spraffcast - Episode 6

Mark Allen's Spraffcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 3, 2009 34:16


Another tirade of spraff and nonsense from comedian Mark Allen and "the Deputy Minister for Spraff Affairs" Eli Silverman. Featuring 'Elephant in the room', 'Mark's diary update' and a hotly contested 'Poetry Smackdown' about administrative professionals. Cripes!

Full Metal Chicken Eggs
Full Metal Chicken Eggs March 28, 2008

Full Metal Chicken Eggs

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 28, 2008


Full Metal Chicken Eggs Friday, March 28, 2008Now Available! FMCE in PODCAST - All the funny none of the reading!Click here: http://www.archive.org/download/Fmce2/Fmce2.mp3Warning: Content is not “work friendly” so headphones are recommended.For those of you using iTunes, or any other podcast software you can subscribe to the podcast: http://feeds.feedburner.com/FullMetalChickenEggs.Thanks and Enjoy!FMCTwo old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.One leaned over the other and said, "Cripes! life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For two bucks, I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!"“You're on!" said the other old fellow, holding up two dollars.As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall.Waiting outside, his friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked old man burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd."How did it go?" asked his friend."Great!" he said, "I WON FIRST PRIZE AS A DRIED ARRANGEMENT!!!"Source: Jokes2U 03/22/2008Nobody ever said teenagers were smart. An 18-year-old in Wisconsin had seven dump truck loads of snow delivered by the city to his parent's front yard so he could build a 34-foot long igloo. Dan Meyer said he used his 10 years of snow construction experience to form the snow into a massive snow fort that reaches above the first story of his parents' home."I was just amazed by how much one load was," Meyer said. "Then I piled it up and called them for more loads." Jeff Harding, assistant superintendent of public works for Neenah, said the city occasionally gets requests for truck- loads of snow, but this was the first instance he knew about where the snow went toward a construction project. "We backed up in the front yard and dumped away, just like we would at our dump site," he said. "It's really like, 'My God, what are you doing with all this snow?'"Dan's father was reported as saying that if all that snow floods the damned basement when it melts he is going to slap the taste out of Dan's mouth.Source: Bizarre News 03/22/2008With the Supreme Court trying to determine whether the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution really says that we can keep and bear arms, the following is quite interesting...1. The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.2. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000. (Calculation: Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services).3. The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.4. The number of accidental gun deaths per year is 1,500. (Calculation: The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188. Statistics courtesy of FBI)Therefore, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.Source: Bizarre News 03/22/2008Headlines I'd Like to SeeHells’ Angel Raped During Pride ParadePresident Gored by BullSenior arrested for stealing from and mistreating staff at old age homeRapist Raped by Police OfficerTrump Horrible Lay Says Ex-WifeHugh Hefner Dead - His Penis For Sale on eBayMcDonalds Sells Deep Fried S*&T – LiterallyFirst Iraq Strip Club OpensIraq Strip Club Still Standing After 1000 DaysVatican Rescinds Ban on Birth Control and Masturbation; says the pope “This April Fools’ joke has gone on long enough”Pedophile Killed by Chuckey CheeseDrunk Driver Kills Drunk Driver - No Charges LaidMen and Women have a lot of similarities that no one talks about. Like when your at a party and some one falls asleep both sexes say “SSSHHHH quiet."The difference is that men will then say, “"Someone get a camera I have an idea."Quick observation about the guy who let his girlfriend stay on the toilet for 5 years: That is the definition of low maintenance. Why is everyone trying to say what a bad guy the boyfriend of that chick was?. I think this guy should be praised - five years and they still call him her boyfriend. Jesus, my girl is on the can for 20 minutes and I'm looking for another girl to bang. And he didn't leave her after a week! I would have sold the house and walled up the bathroom. And after 5 years she wouldn't be referred to my girlfriend she would be that crazy bitch.For more of FMCE and to view past issues or to listen to old podcasts please visithttp://fullmetalchickeneggs.blogspot.com/For the podcast just click the title of the issue.