Podcasts about addiction inoculation

What if parents could truly change the future just by having more open conversations about alcohol? In this episode host Anna Donaghey is joined by Jessica Lahey, educator and author of The Addiction Inoculation. Together, they explore the factors that influence substance use in young people, the power of prevention, and how honest dialogue can break cycles of dependence. This episode guides listeners through what they can do, no matter their own history with alcohol, to build resilience in the next generation.Here are the highlights:00:00 Introduction05:15 Talking about substance use prevention is challenging 09:47 Lack of learned strategies to manage stress and anxiety15:12 Adverse childhood experiences can lead to substance use disorders16:28 Teenagers understand consequences but weigh positive outcomes more 20:43 Empowering kids with self-efficacy can prevent substance use34:34 Kids need at least one trusted adult to confide in37:29 Kids may try substances due to feeling inadequate or out of place50:39 Reliable information for teenagers is key for understanding and trust. If you're a mum wanting to explore your relationship with alcohol, join ‘Mummy Doesn't Need Wine' here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/mummydoesntneedwineAnna's group coaching community ‘Unstuck!' helps identify your alcohol ‘stories' and beliefs, breaking the cycle of alcohol and all the shame that goes with it. For more information and to find out how to join, please follow this link: Unstuck! community informationTo further explore your relationship with alcohol, check out Anna's self-guided programme, The Big Drink Rethink Experiment: https://www.thebeliefscoach.com/the-big-drink-rethink-experimentAnd apply the code POD99 to purchase for just £99 as a podcast listenerFor the free resources accompanying this series, please head to https://www.thebeliefscoach.com/registrationIf you're loving the podcast and would like to give Anna a warm, fuzzy feeling of appreciation, then you can buy her a coffee:https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethinkAbout the host Anna:Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do. Connect with Anna:Website: thebeliefscoach.comLinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonagheyInstagram:

Hi! Jess here. As an author and host of this podcast, I hear “I have a great idea for a book!” a lot, and while I believe everyone has a story to tell, I've only been knocked over by these book pitches twice. The first was the idea for the book Raising Empowered Athletes: A Youth Sports Parenting Guide for Raising Happy, Brave, and Resilient Kids by Kirsten Jones (pitched to me at speaking event in 2015, published in 2023) and the second was last week, in a conversation with this week's guest, Dr. Megan.I'm SO excited to introduce you to our new series, “From Soup to Nuts,” and its subject, Dr. Megan. She's a therapist, speaker, and hopeful author who presented me with that aforementioned great idea for a book and a hook for a speaking career. She's the right person to write this book, there's a hole in the market for it, and it's timely.So….now what?Over the next weeks and months, I will be mentoring Dr. Megan through her proposal, querying an agent, and planning ahead for a potential speaking career whether or not she sells the book. This week, we talk through the preliminary process of getting to a book's why and wherefores while crafting the introductory section of the book proposal (see resources below) and researching potential agents. This first episode is for all subscribers, but the rest of this series will be available to supporters only. Please consider supporting the podcast so you can follow along (and learn from) Dr. Megan's planning and writing process. Resources we mention:While I am not an Author Accelerator book coach, I do find Jennie Nash's book, Blueprint for a Nonfiction Book incredibly useful and asked Dr. Megan to read it. We will be referring to it from time to time throughout this series. Introductory section of a book proposal. Since we will be referring to the proposal for The Addiction Inoculation as a reference, I thought it would be helpful to make that available to #AmWriting Podcast listeners. Click through to Jess' website to download. Jess's episode: What is a “Comp”?Dr. Megan's assignment: write the introductory section of her book proposal, identify and research potential agents, and compile a list of agents she would like to query.Geeky footnote: “From soup to nuts” means “from beginning to end” and refers back to the practice of serving soup at the very beginning of a formal Western meal and nuts at the end. As a former Latin teacher, I prefer the saying “ab uvo usque ad mala” or “from the egg to the apples” in the tradition of Roman meals, but regardless, this series will cover everything from the beginning to the end of Dr. Megan's book process.Additional links from the Pod:Jean Hanff Korelitz, The Plot & The SequelVicki Hoefle, Duct Tape ParentingOp Ed ProjectNadine Burke Harris, The Deepest WellNed Johnson, The Self-Driven ChildDaniel J. Siegel, BrainstormAnna Lembke, Dopamine NationICYMI: Sarina's latest thriller is out in the world!Rowan Gallagher is a devoted single mother and a talented architect with a high-profile commission restoring an historic mansion for the most powerful family in Maine. But inside, she's a mess. She knows that stalking her ex's avatar all over Portland on her phone isn't the healthiest way to heal from their breakup. But she's out of ice cream and she's sick of romcoms.Watching his every move is both fascinating and infuriating. He's dining out while she's wallowing on the couch. The last straw comes when he parks in their favorite spot on the waterfront. In a weak moment, she leashes the dog and sets off to see who else is in his car.Instead of catching her ex in a kiss, Rowan becomes the first witness to his murder—and the primary suspect.Digital books at: Amazon | Nook | Apple Books | Kobo | Google Play | AudiblePhysical books at: Bookshop.org | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indigo | More paperback links here!New! Transcript below!EPISODE 451 - TRANSCRIPTKJ Dell'AntoniaListeners who I know are also readers. Have I got a summer book for you, if you haven't yet ordered Dying to Meet You, Sarina Bowen's latest thriller with just enough romance you have to, so, let me lay this out for you. Rowan Gallagher is a devoted single mother and a talented architect with a high-profile commission restoring a historic mansion for the most powerful family in Maine, but inside, she's a mess. She knows stalking her ex's avatar all over Portland on her phone isn't the healthiest way to heal from their breakup, but she's out of ice cream and she's sick of rom coms. Watching his every move is both fascinating and infuriating. He's dining out while she's wallowing on the couch. The last straw comes when he parks in their favorite spot on the waterfront. In a weak moment, she leashes the dog and sets off to see who else is in his car. But instead of catching her ex in a kiss, Rowan becomes the first witness to his murder and the primary suspect. But Rowan isn't the only one keeping secrets as she digs for the truth. She discovers that the dead man was stalking her too, gathering intimate details about her job and her past, struggling to clear her name, Rowan finds herself spiraling into the shadowy plot that killed him. Will she be the next to die? You're going to love this. I've had a sneak preview, and I think we all know that The Five Year Lie was among the very best reads and listens of last summer, Dying to Meet You is available in every format and anywhere that you buy books and you could grab your copy, and you absolutely should right now.Multiple Speakers:Is it recording? Now it's recording, yay. Go ahead. This is the part where I stare blankly at the microphone. I don't remember what I'm supposed to be doing. All right, let's start over. Awkward pause. I'm going to rustle some papers. Okay, now one, two, three.Jess LaheyHey, this is Jess Lahey, and this is the Hashtag AmWriting podcast. Hashtag AmWriting is the podcast about writing all the things, short things, long things, poetry, nonfiction, fiction, book proposals, queries. It's about the publishing industry. This is the podcast about getting the work done. I'm your host today, this week. My name is Jess Leahy. I am the author of The Gift of Failure, how the best parents learn to let go so their children can succeed, and The Addiction Inoculation, Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. I had a column at the New York Times for three years called the parent teacher conference, and I've written for The Atlantic and The Washington Post and numerous other outlets. Okay, today we are going to be talking with someone I am identifying for now as Dr. Megan. We're going to decide later on whether or not we get into her full name and all that stuff. But she is being super brave by coming on this podcast, because this podcast is going to be this episode of the podcast is going to be the first in a series. I met Dr Megan, I've been on the lookout for someone like her with a book idea like hers, with an aim towards, you know, an idea of wanting to be a speaker like her, and I just am really excited to mentor her through the process of hopefully getting an agent, hopefully getting a book deal and hopefully becoming a speaker, and we're just going to work our way through it. I also have been looking for someone like Dr. Megan, because I really wanted to pick someone for you so that we can mentor, someone who is dedicated to the process, interested in doing all the homework and is not going to, like, give up halfway through, and this is someone who's really dedicated to this series. I'm hoping you can learn as much as possible. As always, this podcast is about flattening the learning curve for other writers. So that's what Dr. Megan has offered to do with us... again, super brave, like the people who do the First Page's Booklab and submit their work. This is a really vulnerable position to be put in. And so, over the next hour, however many months this takes, we're going to be following her trajectory as an author slash speaker and see how it all goes. This first episode is going to be free for all subscribers to the Hashtag AmWriting podcast. And after that, we're going to be putting it under the umbrella of supporter podcasts. So, if you would like to follow along and learn from Megan's journey, go ahead and hit the support button and figure out a way to support the podcast, because we're you know, we're here because of you, and we're here and grateful for your support. So, with that, I'm going to introduce you to Dr. Megan, she is a therapist, she is a speaker, she is a wannabe author. She's someone who has a lot of experience in her field. She wants to write a book that is squarely in her field, related to her life, related to the life of her patients, her clients, and she is exactly the right person to write it. And it is a book that is needed right now. And so, with that, let's get started. As I promised. I have a hopeful, potential, exciting phase. new author here with me today. One of the reasons that I wanted to do this sort of it's not really book coaching, because that's not my domain. I'm not a Author Accelerator book coach. I also, but I get asked to do this a lot, and I get asked specifically about the speaking piece of it. So, I wanted to get our listeners started with how we met. I would love for you to explain how we met, and you don't have to get specific about places, but how we ended up in the same place together, because there's a reason I decided to work with you, and a reason that I thought that your potential book idea has a lot of a promise. And so anyway, could you tell our listeners how we met?Dr. MeganAll right, this is a good question. Let's see. So, we met before you knew me. I met you via the Hashtag AmWriting podcast.Jess LaheyOkay.Dr. MeganAnd then when I was... I think it was just after finishing my doctorate, I found your book The Gift of Failure. So, then I met you there. But then, since I moved about almost three years ago now, and as part of my move, I thought, oh, I'm going to career shift. I've been working as a therapist for about 17 years with kids and families. And I love doing speaking, I love disseminating information. And I've been sort of marinating on this idea of a book... I don't know, probably five years and anyways, and I started emailing some people, and the majority of people actually don't answer said email. So I went to the librarian, and I was trying to get the scoop on those people at the library, and they're like, Oh yeah, yeah, Jess Lahey? She's super nice. She totally answered. Like, okay, I'm just going to cold turkey email her from the website, like she probably won't respond, but I just thought it was sort of a fate moment that you even we lived in this same small town, so it just all kind of perfectly collided.Jess LaheyYeah, and I think your approach was really interesting, because you came at it from the perspective of someone who has done a lot of work to learn stuff in the first place, and you, when we got together, the book that you told me about, just hit all of the it, my alarm bells went off this, the like, oh my gosh, this needs to be a thing. And the last time this happened was when I met Kirsten Jones, who wrote Raising Empowered Athletes. So, I met her. She came to one of my book talks in California. Right after The Gift of Failure came out and she started, she met me by saying, you know, I want to write something like The Gift of Failure, but for parents of athletes, which I was like, oh my gosh, yes, you have to write that book. And when you told me about the book that you want to write, I immediately thought, this book has to happen. Now, here's the tough part. As anyone who is thinking about writing a book knows you can't just throw your idea out there, let alone the title, which you have. And the title, essentially was what sort of struck me in the first place, but we can't give away the title. We can't give away the main idea. So, listeners, I want you to think about when KJ and I originally talked about the book The Plot. There's a book by... it's a book called The Plot. And the essential idea behind this book, and there has now been a follow up called The Sequel, both of them really brilliant. The idea behind The Plot was, student comes to a teacher with a plot that is so good it can't fail. And the idea is that, like, well, it doesn't matter. No matter what I do, this is going to just be a thing and it leads to murder, but I do promise not to murder you in order to take your book idea and publish it for myself in that book, though the author correlates is her last name, manages to not talk about the plot while talking about the plot, which is the unfortunate place we're in where we have to talk about this really good idea that I think is there's a hole in the market, which we'll get to later. We're going to talk about market analysis later, it's as someone who's been in this speaking in this area and writing this area for a while, there is a place for this book, and this book really needs to happen. And I think, but what I think is fairly irrelevant here, because this has to be about what you think. I think you are the perfect person to write this book. So, with that I decided this would be a great way to teach to do, almost like a mentoring series for listeners who would really like to just not just write a book, but also build a speaking career around that book, which you very much want to do. So, we're going to do today a sort of get to know you, get to know what you've done, and why I thought you were sort of prepared to start this process. Because KJ and Sarina and Jennie were like, but is this person ready? Like, are they going to do the things? Are they ready? Is this going to be like a one off, and then she'll disappear into the night? Has she done the work? Is she prepared? So could you talk a little bit about some of the work you've done, like, you know, you talk about the fact that you have done the professional work, and that this book is going to be very much tied to your professional work, but in terms of writing, which is a very different thing, and then speaking, which is, on top of that, a very different thing, sort of why do you think that it's the right time for you to write this book?Dr. MeganWell, I feel like all of the pieces have sort of fallen a little bit into place lately, because I thought the right time to write this book was actually two and a half years ago.Jess LaheyOh, that's always the right time with any book which is always the case. But I will tell you, from experience that I think that when you're doing the searching and when you're doing the research and when you're doing the pondering, the book happens at the right time. I happen to think that which is another way of saying you can procrastinate. But it's not that. It's, you know, it's the processing part.Dr. MeganYeah, and I feel like the process keeps aligning for me with this book, because I had this idea and I thought, Oh, I'll move and here I will sit in my new home writing a book, because now I don't have a bunch of clients, and I'm not as busy once everything is perfect, once everything is right, exactly, yes. So, so it turns out that's not a thing.Jess LaheyRight.Dr. MeganAnd so, I was really sort of dragging my feet. And so, I, as part of my licensing requirements as a therapist, I had to take some classes. So, one of the classes I took was “Writing a book for therapist”. And so, I did that, and I thought, Oh, that's really interesting. So, then I reached out to the person who taught the class, and they said, what else do you do?Jess LaheyRight. Now was that a full on, full length, like...?Dr. MeganThat class was just kind of a short, like, two hour continuing education.Jess LaheyBut you had to do writing prompts. You had to do the work; you had to do the writing...Dr. MeganYeah, I had some low... yeah, like, low level prompts, okay, just like, sort of marinate, get your idea going, kind of prompts. And so, I thought, oh, that was really helpful. It made me realize that the missing element for me as a creative is, I need structure.Jess LaheyRight.Dr. MeganAnd so, we, when we met, I was like, oh, homework, bring it on. Because I actually, I love homework, because I think it gives you some structure around the creativity and gets things flowing. So anyway, so I reached out, and then she said, Oh, I have this class, and it is once a week for eight weeks, and every week you turned in different things, and it sort of ranged an arc from solidifying your idea writing your introduction, but also like making a faux book cover, or making a faux blurbs, or thinking about, how do you use something like Amazon to look at what categories might your work be in which I think is a beautiful gateway over to the Blueprint Book.Jess LaheyRight. So, I gave you a copy of Jennie Nash's Blueprint for a Nonfiction Book. All of the books are great, but I think, and I'm, again, not a Author Accelerator book coach, but I thought it was really good starting place for the process of thinking about the like, why me? What is my book? What is my purpose? Who is my audience? You know, who's my ideal reader, all that kind of stuff. So, having looked at blueprint for a nonfiction book, what parts for you have sort of resonated either because they were overlooked in other classes or other preparation that you've done, or you think actually will hit at what you need to work on for this??Dr. MeganI like it because, I think it's really useful in the learning process to keep asking same questions in different ways. So, every time it kind of elicits a new response, a new thing to think about, a new way to connect it. And so, you know, I originally had this book idea, and I wrote down, I think several years ago, 10 chapters...Jess LaheyRight.Dr. MeganAnd then through the class, I was like, oh, wait, no, no, there's a narrative quality. It needs to be in parts.Jess LaheyRight.Dr. MeganHow does the parts become within one thing? And so, but then in doing this book and looking at it, I feel like the most valuable piece was also the why. Like, why me? Like, really? Because I think to be an author feels vulnerable. To be a therapist is sort of vulnerable, but not really, because you're not, actually, you're encouraged not to share as much about yourself. And so...Jess LaheyOh! That's interesting I hadn't thought that.Dr. MeganYou know...Jess LaheyBut that's a really important part of this process.Dr. MeganYeah, and it got me really looking at and comparing, do I really love this thing? Okay, if you thought of your book with other writers in the same category as sort of a conversation, not like as competition, but as collaboration, like, where do you sit with that?Jess LaheyRight.Dr. MeganAnd to me, that kind of prompt is very helpful because then I, even, you know, as an artsy person, was like, Oh, how do I, like, imagine yourself, like, if you sat at your Knights of the Round Table, who are your people? Like, who would you want there? How would that go?Jess LaheyAnd that gets at when you're thinking about, obviously, we're going to have to talk about, you know, market analysis and comp titles and things like that. That also helps you realize, because you're going to have to write this section, which is like, what's out there, and why is my book going to be different or and also thinking, and I've talked about this before in other episodes, in another episode, and I'll link in the show notes to that one, not just the books that have been successful in this area, and how your book will be different from those. But also, you have to think about like, which books didn't work, and you have to explain why your book is not that.Dr. MeganYes, yeah, without yeah, without being like a show and fraud, right kind of person. But also Yeah, because there's a million people that I think are super brilliant that have written parenting books, but either they sound like too therapist-y or like, are there a little, like light on the actually, how does this work kind of thing, and also accepting you can't be all things to all people.Jess LaheyRight, right.Dr. MeganSo, the part about who's your audience, I thought, but, but I think the really golden nugget in that first part too, is the why, and so I even did that writing exercise, like, why this book? Why me? Why now? Kind of questioning. And I thought that was really helpful, because I wrote that more in, like a talking way, because I think some of those same things filter into an introduction for a book, but by writing it in an unpolished way, I feel like I reignited sort of the passion for the subject.Jess LaheyRight. Oh, that's so good.Dr. MeganSo, I feel like it's missing...Jess LaheyAnd a lot of that's going to happen during the book proposal process as well. I mean, when you first were full disclosure, we're recording this at my house, because it's just easier to have two people in one space, and we're in my office, and I showed you all of the bookshelves that are filled with the books for the book for the book proposals that I've written and decided that I don't want to write right now, because I think that's really, really helpful. And as onerous as the book proposal process is, it's incredibly revealing. It helps you see what's working, what's not working, what you want to write, and what you don't want to write. So, I'm really excited for you to get really immersed in that process. Okay, so your why coming into this like, given that you're going to have to have a bit of an elevator pitch for people, what is your WHY for this book?Dr. MeganI thought about this in different ways. Okay I was a sort of neurodiverse kid—dyslexic, ADD—and therapy was super helpful to me as a child. And as a, you know, what Elaine Aron might call a highly sensitive person, I just think there's all these... I was so lucky, because I had a school for dyslexia, and I had all these opportunities in my childhood and as a therapist, I found myself working a lot with these kids that you might be like oh, ADHD learning like that's not normal but it's actually very normal. And within that there's just such a wide way people can be. And I just sometimes think as a culture a society we get so binary, and I just feel like that gets people really locked into either "oh no big deal" or "ooh super problematic thinking". And my big why is, there are easy solutions to helping understand your child. So, my really, my, why is I feel like there's, there's answers out there, and it drives me bananas, if you're like, oh, I don't know what to do, or there's just nothing. So, I feel compelled to do that.Jess LaheySo the nice thing about that answer is and I tend to bring... because it's my experience the so when I was thinking about The Gift of Failure, the big why was because I want kids to be able to learn to the best their ability to be engaged, to be motivated, all those sorts of things, but also that they're having conversations with their parents about what really matters to them and all that sort of stuff. So for me, there was no one writing at that intersection of parenting and education in this particular way, and because you have cred, not just as someone who grew up neurodiverse and as someone who works with neurodiverse kids, you have that sort of both sides of the table thing going on, which I think is a really, really, not just a great why, but a really great answer to why me.Dr. MeganYes.Jess LaheyYeah, yeah, to the why me question we're going to be talking about in future episodes, and about owning your expertise. So, I want to give you some homework.Dr. MeganOkay.Jess LaheyTo think about, things and, oh, and I have a I even brought, I have a little notebook for you I get, I got you a little notebook. So, okay, so when it comes to your why, it sounds like you have a sort of a really good hold... a handle on that, but you're going to be asked definitely, during blueprint for a nonfiction book, and during our conversation to be re-articulating that lots and lots of times, people are going to be asking you about what you're working on, and that can be a really, really great opportunity. It's sort of like when, when you have to do interviews about your book, you're not going to want to go like, let's assume all of this goes well, and you're going to get to start doing interviews about your book. You need for now to be the time that you're articulating those really good answers, like, who is this book for? Why? I mean, the question I get in every interview is, give me a bit of your background and why you decided to write these books. And you want that answer to be great. You want that answer to be concise. You want that answer to not be rambling. And that's sort of your, you know, your elevator pitch sort of thing. The other thing that we talk a lot about, KJ and I, have talked about this a lot, is I like to have a stack of books that are the “voice I'm aiming for. So, I've had, there was a book called Duct Tape Parenting when I first wrote The Gift of Failure, and she just was really brave. The author of that book was, like, really not concerned with people yelling at her and saying, you're wrong, and she would just have this brave voice. And that was my brave voice book. And then I had another book that was like my owning your expert voice book, and so that they gave me a sense of on the days when I really needed them and I needed... because one of the hardest things for first time authors to do is to own their expertise. This is also something that comes up a lot in The OpEd Project, a group that I have worked with and mentored with for a while, where they help people who wouldn't normally get the chance to write op eds, to write op eds. And Katie Orenstein, the founder of that, said, a big part of that is helping you own your expertise. Like, yeah, why do I deserve to be the person talking about this? And I think, especially, as you said before a therapist and not having the opportunity to sort of talk about you, that's going to be incredibly important. So having a book for that, and sometimes we refer to them as, like our dissection books. So, here's the thing, you want, a great book that helps with the, no, I have the right to say these things, and I'm correct. And then the owning is sort of, and it could be the same thing owning your expertise book. And then you need to find a book whose format is really great for this topic. So, like, and it doesn't have to be exactly modeled. Your book doesn't have to be exactly modeled on that. But find a book that you feel like, really, if you want to integrate narrative arc, if you want to have it be straight up research, if you want this research and the narrative arc to come together, if you want to do storytelling, find the book that you think is like, yeah, this is what I'm aiming for in my book. Find one of those books, because being able to dissect how that person does that. Sarina does it sometimes, like when she switched over to thrillers from romance, she needed to be able to say, okay, well, how long are how many pages are we spending on exposition? How many pages are we spending on research? And for me, I found a couple of books that I thought just did a really good job of organizing in the way I wanted to organize it. So having a stack of those books as well is going to be really important.Dr. MeganTo my book stack...Jess LaheyOkay, yeah, yeah.Dr. MeganIn my kitchen. Okay, good, because that's...I have three kids, and by about 9:30 most people are asleep, and no one can, you know, trouble me for a glass of water, et cetera,Jess LaheyRight.Dr. MeganSo, I have, like, a big stack, and that is what I think has been really interesting. When I first got here and thought, oh, I want to write, and I was just really feeling blocked and unclear. My other passion is painting. And so, I got really into painting and studying art. And how did people craft things, you know, like, studied with other artists, looked at things, and I realized in this writing process how similar it is to the painting process. And in a painting, often I'll do an under painting of a color that might be radically different from the rest of the painting, but I feel like it sets the tone. And what I felt like was really useful in working on the writing has been like, oh, permission to be creative about it and to look at other things. So, I literally very neurotic...I counted like, number of words per page, and then would like, multiply them, and then I made a list, like, in a chart, like, how many pages are each of these books in this category?Jess LaheyOh my gosh.Dr. MeganJust to kind of get the structure in, very much a similar process in artists, where you're like, oh, how does this person use light in a painting?Jess LaheyRight.Dr. MeganAnd I think that's where I feel like, by putting creativity, like, using those same dynamics has been really empowering, because it's that same sort of thing for me, just finding, yeah, so the more, the more I do that, the better it becomes, because it invites a whole new structure you might not have thought of, or...Jess LaheyOkay, whatever. So, and we'll talk about this eventually, but at a certain point, all of the charts and the graphs and stuff are going to have to give way to this, like really big, creative and word output. So, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now, we're in the planning stage, and then the last thing I need you to think about is, and I don't think it's too early to start thinking about this, is, you know, how is this going to translate into speaking, and how we're going to do an entire podcast just on the planning? You know, obviously, you don't even have a book yet. You don't even have an agent yet, any... all of this stuff.Dr. MeganYeah.Jess LaheyBut, but... and we're going to talk about all this stuff, but in order to really be able to pitch yourself as a speaker, because I think there's even the possibility the speaker thing could happen without the book thing. It's going to happen most effectively, obviously, with the book thing. But it's since that's what you really want, we're going to start planning for that speaking career while the book is also happening. Right?Dr. MeganI'm in.Jess LaheyOkay, all right, so you've already done what I was going to give you homework about. So, I think, I think what you need to start thinking about is...I have given Megan a copy of The Addiction Inoculation book proposal, right?Dr. MeganUh-huh.Jess LaheyOkay, so the reason it's not that I think that my book proposal is all that, but my agent...Dr. MeganBut it is.Jess LaheyLaurie Abkemeier, just is amazing, and she helped shape that. So, I think it's a really good starting place. And I think the first section, the introductory section, I think would be a really great place for you to start. Unless you have anything, you think would be another great place for you to start. I want to take your input into this as well.Dr. MeganNo, that seems good. Yeah. Because in this class I did, we had to write the intro and the first thing, but then when I read what you had, I was like, whoa, there's so much more.Jess LaheyYeah.Dr. MeganThere's so much more.Jess LaheyAnd all of the things we've talked about go into that introductory section, like, why me? Why this? Why now? And I think the why now when it comes to your plot, and I'm sorry again, listeners that we have to be a bit vague, but I think why now, with your title and your subject matter, I think it's a really great time for this book as well and it and without linking it into, you know, popular culture references and stuff like that, I think it's really important to help basically, I like to think of this section as the section that the editor, potential editor will have to go to the group at her publishing house to pitch to say, can I buy this book... and for how much... that section really is, here's why this author is the right time, why it's the right time, why this is the right author, why there's a there, this book needs to be written, what the hole is in the market. And I think that's going to be a really important part of that for you.Dr. MeganYeah, and that's where it felt like, oh, now this doctoral thing that I did 10 years ago is coming into play, because they'd always be like, what are your gaps in the literature? And you have to get really granular about it. And so...Jess LaheyOh, over and over again, I've been like, oh, wait, I can go back to that other thing I wrote in order to pull some of the pieces from that. So, this is very helpful. Okay, so for just the two of us, that's going to be the first thing I would love to see from you is that introductory section, sure, and then we're going... this podcast is going to be from here on out. This introductory level is going to be for everyone from here on out. This is going to be for supporters. But if you want to follow along on the journey, we're going to remain vague, like I said about the topic, simply because we don't want anyone to take it. And we are going to keep things a little bit vague on some fronts, but for the most part, we're going to get really specific, like I'm going to we're going to be talking about querying agents. We're going to be talking about the what the query format is like and finding an agent. I mean, that's the first place we have to start for you, and I have some ideas, but I'm going to give you some homework around that as well, which is, and I think you may have heard this before on our podcast, because we've talked about it, but look at the books that you really, really admire in your genre, and then look at the acknowledgement section, because people thank their agents, right? So, for example, if I am looking at a stack of books, I recommend a lot. So, for example, I really love, you know, like Nadine Burke Harris's The Deepest Well, and Ned Johnson's The Self-Driven Child, and uh, Dan Siegel's Brainstorm, and Anna Lembke's Dopamine Nation, those books sort of hit the tone and the topic that I would be writing about. So, who are their agents? Because those agents are clearly open to topics that are similar. Now, you don't want to go for someone who's written, who's published, or, you know, sold, the exact same thing, but you want someone who's hitting the spirit of the and is someone that is reputable and that you're also going to find by looking at who authors you respect thank in their acknowledgements. So that's a good starting place. So that's your other assignment.Dr. MeganOkay.Jess LaheyYou can go to the library and do that. You can go clearly you have stacks of books at your house. You can borrow any of my books you would like. But let's start looking for potential agents to pitch this idea to, because a query is like, almost like a mini it's like a super mini version of your idea, and if they like it, they're going to ask for more. So, we need to have that more ready for when you query. Nonfiction is a little different from fiction, and for those of you have been listening for a long time, you know that if you're going to query a fiction agent, that agent is going to ask for a full manuscript, which so you better have finished it if you're going to pitch a fiction agent. It's not always the case, but mostly the case. But with nonfiction, the idea is you sell the book with a proposal. So, an agent in this arena is going to be expecting that maybe you have chapter summaries, maybe you have a sample chapter. So those are going to be our early goals for this sort of thing. But I think baseline introductory section is going to be the best place to start, and getting an idea of potential agents is the other great place to start. So how does that sound for you?Dr. MeganSuper exciting, slightly intimidating.Jess LaheyOkay.Dr. MeganBecause what if...I'm like, oh no, what if they love it, and now I've got to, like, crank out this whole book. Like, oh my gosh!Jess LaheyYeah. Oh, it's scary. Like, The Gift of Failure stuff happened really fast. I got my dream agent who had been chasing, I don't know if you know this story, but I chased her for 10 years. I knew she was the right agent for me, but I kept sending her projects that weren't quite right, and The Gift of Failure happened to be right, but everything happened really fast after that. So, I've done like a crash proposal and agent acquisition, but I've also done, you know, the slower version, The Addiction Inoculation version. So, I totally get that each piece of this can be really scary, especially when it needs to happen fast and there isn't any urgency. It's not like you know, but we're also going to talk about articles that you could start writing for the media that will start being test balloons for this idea, because it helps if you have an article that does well on the topic that you're addressing.Dr. Megan Yes, and that would be maybe a whole umbrella conversation, but, yeah, I actually was wondering about that, because...Jess LaheyAnd that could be a whole episode.Dr. MeganOf all these links to the amazing articles. And I'm like, oh no, you haven't done any of that, like, you know, sort of, but not really.Jess LaheyWe'll do a whole episode on that, and especially on how to pitch those, how to think about those. And yeah, we'll be doing a whole entire episode on pitching articles that are in line with what you would like to write for next book. There are lots and lots of authors who do send up these test balloons to see what sticks. I know lots of them that do that, and there's a balance to me made between including content for the potential book and still sending up that test balloon. So, we'll talk about all of that in a separate episode, but for now, looking for potential agents writing that introductory thing, and then we're going to get together in like two weeks or so, and we'll start, and we'll start talking about actual... we'll actually do stuff.Dr. MeganAmazing, yes!Jess LaheyBecause this book needs to happen, I'm really excited about it. I know you're excited about it, and I'm really just honored to be a part of helping in any way.Dr. Megan Mutual and likewise, and this is super exciting.Jess LaheyAnd the dogs have pretty much behaved themselves today, so hopefully they'll continue to behave themselves. All right, if you want to get the rest of this series, and I think, I think I'm going to call it something like, I have an idea now what? That kind of idea, but if you want to be a part and listen to the rest of this series, you're going to have to become a supporter of the podcast. Becoming a supporter of the podcast gets you other stuff too, like First Pages, the Booklab thing that we just recorded a bunch of episodes. I don't know if you've ever listened to Booklab, but we get submissions from very brave listeners who give us their first pages, and then we talk about whether or not we turn the page, and we critique them, and it's really fun. And then you get other bonus materials as well. So, think about becoming a supporter, and I'm really excited about this new series. So, thank you for being a guinea pig, because it takes a lot of bravery to do that.Dr. MeganWell. Thank you. I'm super excited and nervous and excited.Jess LaheyAll right, until next week, and this is for you specifically, keep your butt in the chair and your head in the game. The Hashtag AmWriting podcast is produced by Andrew Perella. Our intro music, aptly titled Unemployed Monday, was written and played by Max Cohen. Andrew and Max were paid for their time and their creative output, because everyone deserves to be paid for their work. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

What if letting your kids fail is the greatest gift you can give them? In this empowering conversation, New York Times bestselling author and educator Jessica Lahey joins Allison to explore how failure builds resilience, why competence matters more than confidence, and what every parent should know about preventing addiction in kids. From her work in classrooms and adolescent rehabs to writing for The Atlantic and The New York Times, Jessica delivers research-backed wisdom for raising healthy, self-sufficient children in today's high-pressure world.In this episode, you'll learn:Why failure is essential to a child's developmentHow over-parenting sabotages confidence and motivationPractical strategies for raising kids with true competenceThe link between autonomy, brain development, and substance use preventionWhat kids really wish their parents knew (and how Jessica hears it firsthand)About Jessica Lahey:Jessica Lahey is the author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation, a celebrated educator, journalist, and speaker who has taught every grade from 6th to 12th, including in adolescent drug and alcohol rehab centers. Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, The New York Times, and The Atlantic. She's the co-host of the #AmWriting podcast, creator of over 400 educational videos, and a passionate advocate for parenting that prioritizes self-efficacy, resilience, and lifelong learning.Connect with Jessica:Website: www.jessicalahey.comSubstack: jessicalahey.substack.comBooks: The Gift of Failure | The Addiction InoculationPodcast: #AmWriting✨ Memorable Moments“You're not your brother. You're not your sister. And you're not your parents' do-over.”“Confidence is great—but competence is what truly equips kids to succeed.”“Kids are more invested in solutions they help create.”“Helping kids fail now prevents bigger failures later.”“Dopamine from mastery—not substances—is the goal.” Connect with AllisonInterested in working together? Fill out this form.www.instagram.com/allisonwalshwww.shebelievedbook.comwww.allisonwalshconsulting.comBuild Your Brand On Demand

Hi all, Jess here. This episode was Sarina's idea, and when you listen you will understand why. It can be hard to focus on the work, whether it's editing, world building, conjuring meet cutes, or translating research-based hope for the next generation. That said, it's important that we keep creating and putting our words out into the world. We hope you are able to keep working while navigating the a balance between consuming, processing, and reacting to the news cycle and shutting the world out in self preservation. Stuff we talked aboutWrite Through It: An Insider's Guide to Writing and the Creative Life by Kate McKeanKate Mckean's websiteWe Are All Guilty Here by Karin Slaughter (release date August 12, 2025)The OpEd ProjectAuthors Against Book BansPossession by A.S. Byatt and the film I adore based on the bookA Complete Unknown filmHamilton, Non-Stop (“why does he write like he's running out of time?”)On Writing by Stephen KingAll In by Billie Jean KingPermission by Elissa AltmanMeditation for Mortals by Oliver BurkemanHEY. Did you know Sarina's latest thriller is out NOW? Rowan Gallagher is a devoted single mother and a talented architect with a high-profile commission restoring an historic mansion for the most powerful family in Maine. But inside, she's a mess. She knows that stalking her ex's avatar all over Portland on her phone isn't the healthiest way to heal from their breakup. But she's out of ice cream and she's sick of romcoms. Watching his every move is both fascinating and infuriating. He's dining out while she's wallowing on the couch. The last straw comes when he parks in their favorite spot on the waterfront. In a weak moment, she leashes the dog and sets off to see who else is in his car. Instead of catching her ex in a kiss, Rowan becomes the first witness to his murder—and the primary suspect.Digital books at: Amazon | Nook | Apple Books | Kobo | Google Play | Audible Physical books at: Bookshop.org | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indigo | More paperback links here!New! Transcript below!EPISODE 448 - TRANSCRIPTKJ Dell'AntoniaListeners who I know are also readers. Have I got a summer book for you, if you haven't yet ordered Dying to Meet You. Sarina Bowen's latest thriller with just enough romance you have to so let me lay this out for you. Rowan Gallagher is a devoted single mother and a talented architect with a high profile commission restoring a historic mansion for the most powerful family in Maine, but inside, she's a mess. She knows stalking her exes avatar all over Portland on her phone isn't the healthiest way to heal from their breakup, but she's out of ice cream and she's sick of rom coms. Watching his every move is both fascinating and infuriating. He's dining out while she's wallowing on the couch. The last straw comes when he parks in their favorite spot on the waterfront. In a weak moment, she leashes the dog and sets off to see who else is in his car. But instead of catching her ex and a kiss, Rowan becomes the first witness to his murder and the primary suspect. But Rowan isn't the only one keeping secrets as she digs for the truth, she discovers that the dead man was stalking her too, gathering intimate details about her job and her past, struggling to clear her name, Rowan finds herself spiraling into the shadowy plot that killed him. Will she be the next to die? You're going to love this. I've had a sneak preview, and I think we all know that The Five Year Lie was among the very best reads and listens of last summer, Dying to Meet You, is available in every format and anywhere that you buy books and you could grab your copy, and you absolutely should…right now.All TalkingIs it recording? Now it's recording, yay, go ahead. This is the part where I stare blankly at the microphone. Try to remember what I'm supposed to be doing. All right, let's start over. Awkward pause. I'm gonna wrestle some papers. Okay, now, 123,KJ Dell'AntoniaHey, I'm KJ Dell'Antonia, and this is hashtag AmWriting podcast the weekly podcast about writing all the things, short things, long things, pitches, proposals, fiction, non fiction, memoir. This is the podcast about finding a way to get your work done, and that is sure what we're gonna talk about this week.Jess LaheyI'm Jess Lahey. I am the author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation and you can find my journalism over at The New York Times, Washington Post and The Atlantic.Sarina BowenI'm Sarina Bowen. I am the author of many contemporary novels, including Dying to Meet You, which is brand new right now. KJ Dell'AntoniaYay!Sarina BowenYay. Thank you.Jennie NashI'm Jennie Nash, I am the founder and CEO of Author Accelerator, a company on a mission to lead the emerging book coaching industry, and also the author of the Blueprint books, which help people get their books out of their head and onto the page.KJ Dell'AntoniaAnd also in your past life, the author of a lot of other books.Jennie NashI know indeed. KJ Dell'AntoniaI think it's worthy. I do. I'm KJ Dell'Antonia, I am KJ Dell'Antonia. I am the author of three novels and two non fiction books, and the former editor and lead writer of the mother lode blog at the New York Times. We have all had a number of careers. And the reason I brought that up, Jenny is that I was just interviewing Kate McKean, who has a new book about the mechanics. Like, it's a great book. It's called Write Through It, and it's sort of like everything we've ever talked about the podcast on the podcast, all the how to stuff all rolled up into one book, which is really cool. But I was telling her that I kind of have a unspoken motto of only taking writing advice from people who have not published a book, very judiciously. Now my freelance editor is not someone who has, or, I think I don't know if she even wants to publish a book, and she's amazing. So with with some thought, but my point being that you have also published many, many, many books. So if anyone out there hesitates around that don't, don't. Yeah, all right, that was a really lot of introductions. We got something to talk about today, and I'm going to demand that Sarina announce our topic, because she came up with it. Okay.Sarina BowenWell, my topic is how to be present and devote yourself to your writing in a world that is so loud and confusing and it feels like whatever you're working on can't possibly matter as much as what's going on in the world, and all my writer friends are struggling with this right now. Jess LaheyIt's, it's hard, especially when the work that I do, the work around like writing about kids and parenting and stuff, requires a fair amount of optimism and requires a fair amount of like, it's gonna be great, and here's what you have to do in order to make it be great. And it's really, it's been very hard for me lately to to be in that head space.Sarina BowenWell, Jess, I would argue that, like, at least you're literally helping people. And some of us are fighting meet cutes and first kisses. Jess LaheyOkay, you are no but you are so helping people, because over and over and over again, what I hear from your readers and from readers of happy kiss, he a and kissing books that they are the the self care and the reprieve that they really need.Sarina BowenOkay, you you just are. You just gave, like, the point, the point at the top of the notes that I made for this discussion, because people keep saying that to me, and they're not wrong. But for some reason, it hasn't been enough lately, and I, um, I was struggling to figure out why. And then over the last 48 hours, in a feverish rush, I read this Karin Slaughter book that's called We Are All Guilty Here that doesn't come out until August, but please pre order it now and do yourself a favor, because it's so good. Jess LaheyI love her books. Sarina BowenYeah, so I had the opportunity to have that same experience from the reader side of the coin, which is that I totally lost myself in this fictional world. It It mattered to me as a person to work through those problems, um, in the way that a novel has a beginning and a middle and an end and and I think that part of my big problem right now is that I can't see an end to any of the stuff that's you know happening. So it was helpful to me to have the same experience that my readers described to me, to be like totally sucked into something, and to feel like it mattered to me in the moment.Jess LaheyWell…And to add on to that, I had a fantastic sorry KJ and Jenny, we're just we're off on our little happy tangent here. But I had a wonderful conversation with a fan recently in on one at one of my speaking engagements, and she was apologizing to me for feeling like she had a really close relationship with me, even though we hadn't met. And she said, and the reason for that is that you're in my head because I'm listening to your audiobook. And I said, You do not need to apologize to that for that to me, because I have the same experience. And she said, the thing that was nice, you know, because I'm such a big audiobook fan, I feel this weird, parasocial, fictional connection to this person, because it's not just their words, it's also their voice. But the thing that she said was really sweet was she listened in her car, and her car became a place of refuge and a place where she knew she was going to hear a voice that would make her feel like it was going to be okay. And so even though I hear that and I know that, and I've experienced it from the other side with the audiobooks that I listen to, it's still, it is still very hard to look down at the empty page and say, How do I help people feel like everything's going to be okay? And it's, it's a difficult moment for that.KJ Dell'AntoniaI have been thinking about this too, because I think we all are, and let me just say that this is not just a, you know, we're not, we're not making a grand political statement here, although we, we certainly could. This is, uh, it is a moment of some global turmoil. Whether you think this global turmoil is exactly what the universe needed or not it is still... um, there's a lot.Jess LaheyIt's just a lot, and it's all the time, and it's like, oh, did you hear this? Did you hear this? And I feel like I'm supposed to be paying attention, and then if I pay attention too much, I feel like my head is it so, yeah, it's just a lot. KJ Dell'AntoniaSo what I want to say is, I think we have to get used to it, and I think it can be done. And I take some encouragement from all the writers who wrote their way through World Wars, who wrote their way through, you know, enormous personal trauma, who have written their way through, you know, enormous political turmoil, in their own countries, both as you know people who are actually writing about what was going on, but also as people who were not, I happen to be a real stan of the World War II books about, not like the drama of the war, but then the home that keep the home fires as they as they would say, stuff like The Diary of a Provincial Lady in Wartime and Angela Thirkell. And it's just, this is what was going on. There's some stuff... I can't think of all of it, but anyway. I love that reminder that life went on, and I think we have had a pretty calm few decades, and that that's been very lucky, but it's actually not the norm. So we gotta get used to this kids.Jess LaheyYeah, I actually, I just flew home from a trip, and Tim was watching on the plane. Tim was watching a film with Siegfried Sassoon and Wilfred Owen. You may know Wilfred Owen as the person who wrote, you know, Dulce et Decorum Est, the whole thing, these are the world war two poets and a world war one poet, sorry, and yeah, they had a lot going on and they were writing poetry. Yeah.Jennie Nash Well, I knew from the moment that Sarina posed this question that I was going to be the voice of opposition here today, because I am seeing this and feeling this great surge of creative energy and people wanting to write, wanting to create, wanting to raise their voice, whether it is in opposition or as an act of rebellion or as an active escape, or just as a thing that they've always wanted to do so they're finally going to do it. It feels similar-ish to me as the pandemic did, in that way. And you know what I was thinking about Sarina, is that you are in the both enviable and also not enviable position of having done this a really long time and and you you know how it goes, and you not that it's wrote by any means, writing a book is never wrote. But the the creative process is not new to you, I guess, and I have encounters with a lot of writers through the book coaches I train who are just stepping up into this and just raising their voice and just embracing that. This is a thing that they could do. And this is a, you know, like I just, I've seen people, you know, a lot of dystopian fiction, obviously wanting to be written, climate justice, social justice, you know, books from people who previously marginalized, even like satire about the crazy stuff going on in education, you know, in all genres, all realms, I just feel the people doubling down. And so I wonder if it's, if it's, you know, the writer friends that you talk to are largely in that same boat as you very accomplished and in it. And I don't know it's my conjecture, because I just, I'm really feeling the opposite.Jess LaheyActually, can I? Can I? Can I verify that through something else? So KJ and I have both mentored with The OpEd Project. It's about raising all voices to publish op eds in newspapers, not just, you know, the people that we're used to hearing from. And they put out an email for their mentors, because they said, This moment is generating so much interest in writing op eds, so that's a good thing too.Jennie NashOh, that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, I don't know i i also have to say that I personally have made a choice that is inspired by Oliver Burkeman, which is I'm not paying attention, and I know it's a luxury to not pay attention to the news, and I know that that it's a privilege and maybe not always a good thing, but I just made a personal decision that can't right now, or you don't want to, for what it's worth, so I feel a little ashamed about that, to be honest... I feel a lot of times that I'm not doing enough when I catch a glimpse of what's happening or what's going on, or my husband is a voracious consumer of the news, so I it's not like I'm not getting news. I just get it filtered through him and through my children, for sure, and and I would also like to just give a shout out to this podcast, because sometimes through this podcast, I listen to Jess and Sarina, On a podcast you recorded a couple weeks ago about pirate the pirate site episode, and learned so much, and it was so great, you know, so I don't know. I have to say that too, that maybe my stance is coming from a place of not being fully... pulling a little over my own eyes, I guess.KJ Dell'AntoniaNo, I think it's great that you are finding something that you're seeing like a surge of of positive energy. I mean, part of me, as I'm listening to you guys, wants to go well, but you know, nothing I'm I'm doing is a voice of protester opposition, but that's okay. We don't have to be voices of protester opposition. And we have to remember that most of the people in our country do not oppose this. So it's a little bit of a weird I mean, it's it's a weird moment that one's that one's tough, but it's also true. It's not, it's just change. It's just, it's just turmoil. But I love your point that there's, um, there's excitement and energy in turmoil. Maybe this is also a question of sort of where you are in your life, like, where, whether, the turmoil is exciting or stressful, or, I don't even know where I was going with that... okay.Jennie NashWell, but I, I think there's, I've been thinking just a lot about AI and where it's going and what's going to happen. And some days I worry, and some days I fret, and some days, you know, I don't, I don't think about it or whatever, but, but I, the thing I keep coming back to is you can't keep a creator down. You know, the creators want to create. And it's the the process of that, the the creative process, whether somebody doesn't matter what they're writing and and Sarina, that speaks to where, where you are. You know, they could be writing a meet cute, or a first kiss, or what have you, but the fact that they want to be a creator in a world that's on fire is, to me, the hope... the sign, the sign of hope. You know, I actually I'm about to take a trip to Amsterdam, where I've never been, and of course, we're going to go to the Anne Frank House, and I may reengage myself with that story, and thought about it and looked at it, and it's like just the the urge to create, the urge to put it down, the urge to do the thing. And maybe that was an act of protest as well. But, you know, not, not a meet cute, but I just, I just, I believe in the power of the creator and and of that. And Sarina, you're so good at it, at that, at that process, and putting yourself in that process, and being in that process, and it makes me sad that you're questioning it in a way. Sarina BowenWell, you know, I don't know. I actually kind of disagree that, that we can look away right now, because there's a lot at stake for for the for the world that writers operate inside and AI is really important, because there's a lot of super important litigation going down right now about what what is legal in terms of using our work to create AI and to not pay us for it. But also, there are other writers who are being silenced and having their student visas, you know, rejected and and it's only work of other people that is pushing back on this. So it's in some ways, I I can't really say, Oh, it's okay for me to look away right now and go back to this scene, because there are moments that matter more than others, but but in order to not give up my entire job at this moment, because it's so distractingly difficult, what I find I've had to do is figure out which sources really matter and which parts of my day are productively informational, and which parts are just anxiety producing. So by by luck, I went on this long vacation, long for me is like nine days, but we'd been planning it forever because one of my kids is overseas, and we were going there at his exact moment of having a break. So I had a vacation in a way that I haven't in a really long time. And I found that being off cycle from the news really affected my the way that I took it in. And it improved my mental health, even though I was ultimately about as well informed as if I hadn't left but I didn't have any time in the day to, like, scroll through the hysteria on threads. I could only take in the news from a few, like, you know, real sources and and that was really informational to me, like I didn't.. I had not processed the fact that how I take in the necessary information affected whether or not it merely informed me or also made me feel like everything was lost. So that that was pretty important, but also just the fact that that I've also been trying to be out in the world more and be where people are, instead of, instead of looking at my computer screen. And it's not like a work smarter, not harder thing, but like, choose your moments. You know, I believe that we still need to be engaged at this moment and to ask ourselves, what is possible for us to do. But that doesn't mean we have to scroll through all the stress online all day long in order to get there. And to me, that's that's what's made the difference.Jess LaheyWe've had a rule in our house for a little while now that I'm not allowed to bring up any newsy things or talk about any newsy things after a certain point in the evening, because it messes with Tim's sleep. He would wake up, you know, churning about and thinking about whatever it was that I talked about from the news most recently. So any of those outrage moments are just not allowed in our house in the evening. And I think that's a really healthy barrier to put up and realize that there are points in my day when I can handle it and points in my day when I can't.KJ Dell'AntoniaIt's also possible that the thing that I could most usefully do to change things that I think should be changed is to give money to other people who are working to change them. Because, you know, we can't all... shouting on social media?, not, not useful, right? I'm not gonna run for office, personally. I do have a family member who does that sort of thing, and I love that, but I'm probably not going to, I guess, check in with me in 10 years. I'm, you know, there's only so much I when I think about, okay, what could I possibly do? Most of it is I can give money to people who are doing things that I want done, and the only way I have money to give to people who want things, who are doing things that I want to get done, is to do my job, which is, is to to write books. So there's that. Jess LaheyI would like to highlight, however, that Tim and I have both been periodically calling our representatives and having some really, you know, it's obviously not the representative themselves or our senator that we're talking to. We're talking to, you know, someone in their office, some college kid in their office, but the conversations have been fascinating. I've learned a lot just through those conversations. And they don't just sort of take your message and then hang up. They're willing to have a conversation. And it's been, it's been really fascinating. So calling your representatives is a really worthy thing to do.KJ Dell'AntoniaYeah, many decades ago, I was that person, and therefore I'm a little cynical about it.Jess LaheyWell, I do want to give a shout out right now, I've been watching one of my former students who ran for Mitt Romney's Senate seat in Utah as a Democrat, which is an impossible task, but she did really, really well, and she just got to open for Bernie and AOC at the at a thing in in in Utah. And so watching her, or watching people who are, you know, really getting engaged, and by a lot of them are younger people. That's and, you know, my thing is younger people. And so it circles back around to the more supporting I'm doing of people who are younger and people who are energized and excited about getting in there and writing the op eds and speaking and running for office, that has been another place of reprieve for me.Jennie NashSo I would love to to ask Sarina about... No no, because something she said, you know, when she said, I I disagree, it just it got me thinking, because I wanted to defend myself, and I don't know, and say, Well, no, I'm not I'm not that terrible. I'm not whatever. But I been listening to you talk, I was realizing that I I really have prioritized my own mental well being over anything else, and in terms of checking out of the things, and I've heard you talk about this before, on on a podcast, but my default response, like on the piece you talked about, about writers and being under attack and what's going on, that's just one tiny thing that's going on in the world of chaos. But that tiny thing I do tell myself I can't do anything. I'm just one person, you know, what? What can I really do? And therefore, then I don't do anything. So I do the bare minimum. I do the bare minimum, you know, like I give money to Authors Guild, right? You know, but it, I'm just going to put myself out there as the, the avatar of the person who says that and doesn't do anything and and then, to be perfectly honest, feels is a little smug when you're like, I'm dying and I'm wrecked and I'm whatever, because you're informed and you're actually doing things, and I'm like... oh, you should be like me and and not do, and then I feel bad about myself. So I just want to put that back as a conversation piece, because I know you have thoughts about that, that one person can't do anything. Sarina BowenYeah, so I often feel like there's a lot of problems I would like to solve and and if I tried to take on all of them, then I would be paralyzed, like there would be nothing I can do. And also, there are moments when we have to really pull back and and put our oxygen mask on before assisting others like that is a totally legitimate thing to do. And when I had this experience of going on vacation, and then it was such a big reset for me, I thought, Oh, you dummy, like, you know, that's like a thing I need to keep relearning is that, oh wait no, sometimes we really do have to drop out for for a little bit of time, because we will be more energized afterwards, but, but I bet that that one thing that you're supposed to do will announce itself to you fairly soon. You know what I mean? Like it just because you're having this moment of pulling back and needing to do that doesn't mean that that's a permanent position for you. Like, I don't, I don't believe that, like, because, because I know you care. So...Jennie NashYeah, yeah. But it's, it's just interesting the different, the different reactions and responses. And I often find myself saying something to my husband, which I'm not proud to share. But the thing that I say is, where is our leader?, who's stepping up?, whatever the topic is, or the area or the realm is like, who's who's going to save us? I I'm looking for somebody else to be the solution. Sarina BowenWell, but, but that that's important though, because part of that is just recognizing that, that without a power structure, who knows what to do? Like, I've been lucky in that, like, I've spent a lot of time on conference calls with The Authors Guild, and I've found that I respect those people so much that you know, when the CEO of The Authors Guild, Mary Rasenberger, has an idea, you know that it's always worth hearing out and not everything you know gets done or becomes a priority of of the but, but I know who to listen to, and that wasn't always true, you know. So I've also subscribed to the emails from Authors Against Book Bans. That's another organization that has a lot of energy right now, and they're doing a fantastic job of paying attention. So, you know, it's, it's okay to pick one little realm and, and that's lately been my solution. Because, yeah, we're not we, we need leaders and, and the reason we're all we're so frustrated is because the lack of true leadership, the lack of leaders who can say, I made a mistake. I don't know everything. I don't have all the answers. Like, that's, you know, that's the kind of people we need in the world, and they're pretty thin on the ground right now. So, yeah, I totally hear what you're saying.KJ Dell'AntoniaSo, I mean, why do we have to say that's useful? I mean, how are we... We're all still working. I mean, yeah, you know, you can listen to Jenny and I trying to write our book every week. And I happen to know that, you know, Sarina is chowing is, you know, nibbling away at new drafts, as is Jess. So we're doing it. We're just distracted.Sarina BowenWell, I always say that everything about writing, you have to learn more than once, like you learned it on a project, and you figure something out and you're like, Oh, right. And I think this is another one of those moments when how to reset yourself, how to. To you know how to find that moment of peace is, this is maybe the the lesson of the week, like, even if you don't, even if you don't write the best chapter of your life between now and the middle of of May, you know you can turn your attention to paying attention to your inner voice and how, how am I feeling right now? And how could I feel better? Like, do I need to go meet a friend in a coffee shop to work? Because that has been a real boon to me lately. Just being changed my scenery change the hours when I look at my inbox, that's another thing that I've done. Right now, I asked my assistant to please watch this one inbox, because I can't watch it myself right now. It's too much of people pulling on my arm. So just, you know, to turn some of the small levers that we have in our lives with regard to how writing fits into your life and see what's working. Like, it's okay to, like, break your strategy a little bit to see, you know, if you can shake up the problem.KJ Dell'AntoniaI've been trying really hard to answer the voice in my head that says... I just can't do this right now with, well, okay, maybe, maybe you could, like, what if we just sat here for another 10 minutes? Like, what if you just, okay... I hear you like, to sort of like, be the other side for myself, like... hey I hear you, that sounds really rough, but what if we just did this anyway? Just, just tried. And you know, it's, it moves, it moves.Jess LaheyAlong those same lines. What's been saving me is, as you all know, anyone who's listening to this for a while knows I love, love, love the research process, and I have a very big stack of books to get through, that is research, formative, sort of base level research, foundational research for this thing I want to write and and hearing other people's ideas, and hearing how other people put ideas together, and that just fuels me. And then on the fiction side, I've been and I hadn't even realized I've been doing this until we started talking about this topic. I have been watching a lot of movies I love about the act of creation. I re watched one of my favorites, “Possession” with Jennifer Ehle, and it's just one of my favorite films about… it's based on the the A.S. Byatt novel, Possession, and it's about poets. And then I was watching a movie about a novelist, and I was just re-listening to the new Bob Dylan movie a complete unknown, and hearing about other people's creative process fuels things in me. And I even just listening to the Bob Dylan movie while I was watering the garden, I was like, Oh, I could go, I can't write music, but, but I can still write these other things. Wait, hold on, I'm a writer. And then you start realizing, oh, that creative process is accessible to me too. And you know, whether it's the creative process that changes the world, or the creative process that gives you an outlet. Selfishly, either way, I think it's, it's important, and so I love digging back into and I've talked about, you know, re listening to Amwriting sometimes when, when I need that boost.KJ Dell'AntoniaIsn't it funny that if Stephen King says, well, I spent, you know, 2016 not doing something, but, but like writing this new book. We're all like, yay, you do that, we love you for that, and that for all of us, we're just like, oh no, you should be... I mean, we gotta, we should do what we do.Jess LaheyYeah, I guess I always think about, there was a moment when I first I saw him, I was so lucky to get to see Hamilton on Broadway, and I remember just that line about writing like you're why does he write like he's running out of time, that idea that like the stuff just is coming pouring out of you, and you've got to put it somewhere before it's over. You know, I love that feeling of desperation, and I get that from listening to other people's creations and other people's research and other people's creative acts. It's, it's good.Jennie NashThat's very cool. That is very cool. I I don't know, I guess I'm really good at, or lately have been really good at, at turning off, turning off the inputs, just because I have to too many input puts that will just do me in. And so for me, it's catching myself, catching myself floating over to social media, or catching myself clicking into something that I don't really want to read like you're saying, Sarina, at this this time of day, you know, I sit down to lunch and I don't, I don't want to read that thing. So setting setting aside time to engage with that is like the, the only way that I'm able to do it. And I'll try to choose to read something longer, a longer form thing, or or listen to a podcast. Rather than sound bites or snippets of things. So I'm trying to be self aware about not getting pulled down into the sound bite things. That's, That's what I mean by disengaging is, you know, not going on threads at all. I'm not going on... I sort of can't even look at Facebook or even Instagram. It's just all too, too much, and especially, especially Instagram, where, you know, you'll have all these calls to action, and then... bathing suits. I mean, maybe that's just me, right?KJ Dell'AntoniaNo, you're right. You're right. It's very...Jennie NashJarring. you know...KJ Dell'AntoniaYou can't control which bits of it like, at least, if you're looking at The Times, you're you know... or The Wall Street Journal, you're getting a section. Instagram is like, this terrible thing just happened here by this Jenny K quitter...Jennie NashIt's very jarring. So I don't wish to be there, and I do have to give a shout out to Substack. How great is it to be able to read things without all the noise and distraction from the people that you choose, who are smart and saying smart things. That's that's the thing that I choose, that I really like and kind of toward what you said Jess, happened to be reading the memoir from Billie Jean King called All In. Jess LaheyIt's so good!Jennie NashAnd and it's, I mean, talk about just a person who lived her values and made massive change, and understood how change is made, and is paying it forward in her life, and it is so inspiring. And it's, it's not quite, it's not quite the creative act, but it, I guess it's creation of change, but I find it hopeful and inspiring, and I think that's where I come up with the the question of, who's gonna who's gonna save us? Like, Where's, where's our person to lead? Like, like she was at the time when women's... not just athletics, but equality. She did so much for women's equality, and still is, you know, so it makes me hopeful that such people will be rising up and and I will be able to identify and support them. Jess LaheyI just finished listening to and reading on the page. I did it both ways. Permission by Elissa Altman about having the courage, it's a memoir, and the courage to create. And she it, she also articulated for me, just how wonderful it is to... I don't know, even if it's not out for mass publication, sometimes writing things down that are the stuff you've gone through and the way you're feeling that's just worth it in and of itself. But anyway, that was a lovely book I highly recommend, Permission by Elissa Altman.KJ Dell'Antonia But also I just want to say, and this is sort of suddenly hopped into my head. So I'm working on a book, surprise! Um, I'm trying to do something bigger and different that says a lot of things, and I have thoughts about it and and, um, I actually think I need to shut down input... for... I'm not gonna, I can't do this if, if there's a lot of stuff pouring into me, all the time, and I, I think that's, I think that's fair. I think sometimes, I mean, I was thinking about the person who wrote Permission, and I was thinking, You know what I'll bet she didn't read a lot of while she was writing that? People shouting at her that, that, you know, the better thing for her to do would be to churn butter in a nap dress. I think it probably It took some time to do that. And these poets that we're talking about, they're not writing a poem. Oh, you know, line by line. In between reading thread's posts, they're they're putting their time and energy into their work, and this is kind of what we've been saying all along, like, like, moderate it, choose your things, pick pick your moments. And maybe, you know, some time of quiet to hear what you think about what's going on, as opposed to what everyone else thinks about what's going on, and to let that, to give yourself permission for that to be whatever it is. Maybe it's not what we think, you know? Maybe, maybe its something different. That's okay. So I, I want to shout for, for that, for, okay, do, turn it off, work on a thing.Sarina BowenYeah, I feel like if, um, Jenny's point about taking your news from social media is totally different than taking your news from the front page of your favorite newspaper. And I guess to KJ's point that if we turn off the voices that are serving us the least well at this moment, what we might find is that there are more hours in the day to both get our work done and then have a minute to say, what else could I... what else could I do? Is that donating my time somewhere or just getting my own house in order? You know, I find I have more time to do things that matter when I am spending less time in the loud places that aren't serving me personally.Jess LaheyAgreed. Jennie NashSo well said.Jess LaheyI think we should end it there, mainly because we're we've run long, but, I'm really grateful for the four of you, I was going to my last point was going to be that my saving grace has been realizing recently that that it's the people in my life that I want to invest in. I had a realization someone told me some news of via someone else, and I didn't realize how disconnected I had become from the people that are real in my life, and how much more attention I was paying to people I don't know anything, people who I don't know that I have a parasocial relationship with. And so I'm my I have sort of a mid year goal, which is to make sure that the people who are actually in life real important to me, are most important to me. And so I've pulled back from those parasocial relationships and gone toward the real relationships, and I'm grateful so much for the three of you. I feel like you all rescue me in moments of doubt. So thank you.KJ Dell'AntoniaYay! People are a good use of time, as our friend, Laura Vanderkam says. So Jess shouted out the book Permission. I think if anybody else has a useful book for this moment, I want to offer up, as we have before, Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. It is a series of four weeks, worth of basically three page long thoughts on how to deal with our own inevitably limited lives and personal resources. And I love it. Does anybody else have anything that would maybe serve people in this moment?Jess LaheySarina. Sarina, nothing to serve Jenny. Jenny has the Billie Jean King. I mean, the Billie Jean King...that stuff is fantastic. Yeah, she's amazing.Jennie NashShe's amazing.Jess LaheyAll right. Well, thank you so so much everyone for listening to the podcast. We're great. So grateful for you, because you're why we get to keep doing this. And this is fun, and we love lowering our… sorry flattening the curve for a learning curve for other writers. So until next week, everyone, keep your butt in the chair and your head in the game. The hashtag AmWriting podcast is produced by Andrew Perilla. Our intro music, aptly titled “Unemployed Monday,” was written and played by Max Cohen. Andrew and Max were paid for their time and their creative output, because everyone deserves to be paid for their work. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

Breaking the cycle of addiction is both possible and challenging, but even just rethinking your relationship with it can be a powerful first step toward change. Offering an alternative to strict abstinence models is Kristin Dempsey, the author of The Harm Reduction Workbook for Addiction, who invites you to reconsider your approach to addiction, offering a tangible, compassionate, and science-backed method of recovery known as harm reduction.  Through reflective listening, motivational interviewing, curiosity, and "change talk," Kristin talks to Michael about just a few of these helpful strategies for reassessing your relationship with addictive substances (and even other areas of your life) and navigating change in a way that feels both supportive and sustainable.  Listen and Learn:  How harm reduction and motivational interviewing reshape substance use treatment with compassion What changes when someone explores behavior on their own with a workbook versus in live conversation? How can Kristin's workbook also reveal insights about everyday habits and hidden patterns? Why do we resist advice, even when we ask for it, and how can choice unlock real change? How “change talk” in motivational interviewing helps people move from intention to action Using reflective listening to improve your conversations and build stronger, more meaningful connections Can curiosity, not problem-solving, unlock deeper conversations and personal growth? Why you should support someone struggling with substance use by building a relationship first, not by jumping to advice Resources:  The Harm Reduction Workbook for Addiction: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781648481901  Kristen's social media links: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristin-dempsey-ed-d-lpcc-lmft-322812a Bluesky: ‪@kristind-lmft-lpcc.bsky.social‬ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100057356474362.  For more on Kristen's webinars and podcasts, in addition to information about her practice, see here: https://www.kristindempseycounseling.com/ Order The Harm Reduction Workbook and find free worksheets: https://www.newharbinger.com/9781648481901/the-harm-reduction-workbook-for-addiction/ Yael's newsletter on listening About Kristin Dempsey Kristin L. Dempsey, EdD, LMFT, LPCC, is a psychotherapist, counselor educator, and trainer. For thirty years, she has supported individuals with exploring their own relationships to substances. She is a member of the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers (MINT) and has been privileged to provide motivational interviewing (MI) training to thousands of people in behavioral health, primary care, public health, school, corrections, and human services organizations. Related Episodes 66. Helping People Change Using Motivational Interviewing With Nadine Mastroleo 286. Not Drinking Tonight with Amanda White 101. The Complete Family Guide to Addiction with Thomas Harrison and Hillary Connery 202. The Addiction Inoculation with Jess Lahey 135. Power of Empathy and Motivational Interviewing with Stephen Rollnick Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we welcome New York Times Bestselling author, Jessica Lahey to The Hamilton Review!  In this conversation, Jessica discusses her two books: The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Enjoy this conversation! Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont   How to contact Jessica Lahey: Jessica Lahey Official Website   How to contact Dr. Bob: Dr. Bob on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChztMVtPCLJkiXvv7H5tpDQ Dr. Bob on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drroberthamilton/ Dr. Bob on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bob.hamilton.1656 Dr. Bob's Seven Secrets Of The Newborn website: https://7secretsofthenewborn.com/ Dr. Bob's website: https://roberthamiltonmd.com/ Pacific Ocean Pediatrics: http://www.pacificoceanpediatrics.com/    

Our guest this episode is Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. Her goal is to provide straightforward facts to parents about kids and substance use. You know how much we love talking prevention and myth busting, and Jessica is happy to oblige.  WE'VE MADE PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents of Anxious Kids, Start Here For those brand new to the podcast, we suggest starting with this playlist featuring Lynn Lyons and the 7-part anxiety disruptor series as well as a 3-part series on the skills most helpful in managing anxious kids: flexibility, problem solving, and autonomy. Consult our Spotify profile for the most up-to-date selection.   WIN A COPY OF THE ANXIETY AUDIT COURSE! We will select two listeners who complete our listener survey. We hope it is you!   FOLLOW US Join the Facebook group to get news on the upcoming courses for parents, teens, and kids. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram. Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube. VISIT OUR SPONSORS FOR SPECIAL OFFERS JUST FOR YOU: Listen to StrollerCoaster! This award-winning, top-ranked parenting podcast is created by Munchkin - the Most Loved Baby Lifestyle Brand in the World. Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/freeflusterclux! Head to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code FLUSTERCLUX and you'll receive up to $300 off air purifiers and a free three-year warranty on any unit, an additional $84 value! Search “Last Night at School Committee” wherever you listen to podcasts for highlights on the big decisions that are affecting students, using Boston as a real-world example. Go to lumen.me and use code FLUSTER to get 15% off your LUMEN order. Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to greenlight.com/FLUSTER. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you've spent a bunch of years opening a bottle of wine to deal with stress and overwhelm, to celebrate or reward yourself for making it to the end of the week, it may feel awkward or hypocritical to talk with your kids about the risks of addiction to alcohol.  But in a culture obsessed with booze, being able to help your kids understand the impact that alcohol and drugs can have on their lives and how to identify risks and behaviors that can lead to substance abuse and dependence is important - arguably even more important than all the hours we spend helping them with algebra homework and cheering them on at baseball and soccer games.  I asked Jessica Lahey, author of The Addiction Inoculation, Raising Healthy Kids In A Culture Of Dependence to share what parents can do to help kids recognize their risk for alcohol addiction, spot signs of early abuse and navigate our boozy world without falling into the trap of substance use and dependence.  It's information I wish I had known when I started drinking and in looking at the risk factors for dependence it also gave me a new level of understanding of why alcohol was such a compelling drug in my life and compassion for myself for falling into the drinking cycle.  3 Ways I Can Support You In Drinking Less + Living More Join The Sobriety Starter Kit, the only sober coaching course designed specifically for busy women. My proven, step-by-step sober coaching program will teach you exactly how to stop drinking — and how to make it the best decision of your life. Save your seat in my FREE MASTERCLASS, 5 Secrets To Successfully Take a Break From Drinking  Grab the Free 30-Day Guide To Quitting Drinking, 30 Tips For Your First Month Alcohol-Free. Connect with me for free sober coaching tips, updates + videos on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and TikTok @hellosomedaysober. Connect with Casey McGuire Davidson To find out more about Casey and her coaching programs, head over to www.hellosomedaycoaching.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Substance use and abuse education is critical to keeping kids healthy and safe through adolescence and beyond. We're joined by bestselling author and teacher Jessica Lahey who combines the best research about teen brains with clear how-to-advice. This episode is so rich with science and data, you'll revisit this episode down the road. Show Notes:Go to magicspoon.com/PUBERTY to save $5Visit Bioptimizers.com/PUBERTY and use code PUBERTY10 for 10% off your purchase.Go to FACTORMEALS.COM/puberty50 and use code puberty50 to get 50% off your order.Get 25% off your first order of Phyla, when you visit PhylaBiotics.com and use the code PUBERTY at checkout!Jessica Lahey Videos The Addiction Inoculation by Jessica LaheyDopamine Nation by Anna LemkeHigh by David and Nic SheffOrder our book This Is So AwkwardCheck out all our speaking and curriculum at www.lessawkward.com and our super comfy products at www.myoomla.comTo bring us to your school or community email operations@lessawkward.comTo submit listener questions email thepubertypodcast@gmail.comWatch the full episode on Youtube!Produced by Peoples MediaTranscript Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to episode 223. Do you rush to fix your child's mistakes, shielding them from failure?  Many moms do!  Maybe it's a forgotten homework assignment or a missed deadline.  This episode is your guide! New York Times bestselling author Jessica Lahey shares a relatable story of when she had to decide: intervene and save her daughter, or let her face the consequences of forgetting homework.  In this episode, you'll learn: •    How Jessica handled the homework situation (and the surprising lesson her daughter took away!) •    The #1 thing moms can do to avoid over-parenting or under-parenting •    How to create situations where your child feels empowered to solve their own problems •    Techniques to raise a confident, capable child who embraces challenges •    Empower your child, not enable them!  Listen to this episode now! This podcast is perfect for you if: •    You want your child to learn from mistakes and build resilience. •    You're worried you might be preventing your child from developing independence. •    You crave tips on raising a strong, capable adult. •    Don't miss out on these valuable strategies! Tune in today! Love this episode? Let's connect: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/ This episode is brought to you by Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact Feeling Lost and Uninspired as a Mom? Reignite Your Spark Today! Do you long to rediscover the things that truly light you up as a mom? Feeling stuck in the daily grind can leave even the most passionate moms feeling drained and uninspired. But what if you could recapture that spark, that creative energy that makes you, you? Fertile Imagination is your guide to unlocking your inner powerhouse. This #1 Amazon bestseller, written by a mom who's been there, will help you: •    Uncover your hidden passions and talents. •    Develop a clear vision for your future as a mom and an individual. •    Learn powerful strategies to overcome overwhelm and rediscover your joy. Stop feeling like you're just going through the motions. Light a fire under your dreams and become the best version of yourself for your family! Visit Melissa Llarena: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/ right now and grab a FREE chapter of Fertile Imagination! Don't wait! Your most inspired and fulfilling life as a mom is waiting to be discovered. On the same website, we also have a limited-time offer for mom entrepreneurs who want to speak to the right people and catapult their business success in 30 days or less! Not sure how to go first in networking, or perhaps what to say in a follow-up? Answers to these strategic networking questions are addressed in a free resource that has helped me and my clients talk to the right people in way less time than it would take using traditional networking methods! Download my FREE playbook, "From Contact to Connection," and learn: •    Easy steps to find the right contacts and reach out confidently. •    Unconventional follow-up tips to stand out and build relationships. •    Templates to personalize your outreach for maximum impact. Stop feeling lost and reignite your spark! Download your free playbook now and watch your business thrive. Click here: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/ Limited time offer! Official bio for Jessica Lahey  Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. Links to connect with Jessica Lahey •    https://jessicalahey.com •    https://www.instagram.com/teacherlahey/ •    https://www.facebook.com/jessicapottslahey/ TRANSCRIPT Enjoy the conversation. Jessica Lahey. Thank you so much. And welcome to unimaginable wellness. I am thrilled to have you here. How are you?  I am great looking out on a snowy Vermont woods through my office windows.   Oh, New England. I remember,  New Hampshire and I got a big, thick coat that was for the Arctic weather.  Sounds about right. Yeah, that's about right. And that started at the end of October. So that's, that was always interesting, but yeah. Thank you so much for being here. And why don't you share with listeners a little bit about you, your book, your wisdom, and then we will jump into something that listeners definitely need help with, which is our mental bandwidth. So take it away, Jessica.   Thank you. So I was a teacher for 20 years. I've taught every grade from sixth to 12th grade, but my heart, I have to admit, lies in middle school. I love, love, love teaching middle school. I also taught for five years in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents. So I've sort of taught in hoity toity private schools and in public schools and all across the, the range. And about the same time that I was teaching middle school, I had kids in middle school and I was Finding that  a lot. And I was also at the, at the same time writing, I was a education journalist. So I, as a teacher and as a parent, I was really interested in how kids learn, how to create a situation, a home, a home life that sort of got kids excited about. Inquiry and curiosity and all that sort of stuff. And at the same time, sort of battling my demons of how much do I step in and help with my kids? And how much do I step back and encourage them to be independent? And then saw my students,  a lot of my students parents were doing things that were sort of doing an end run around a lot of learning opportunities. And that was getting frustrating to me. And so I was on kind of a high horse about that and, and sort of, Just irritated with some of the parents of my students, which is really bad, like the better the homeschool relationship is the better kids learn. We know that. But then the journalist side of me, I was writing for the Atlantic and the New York Times and eventually started writing a column for the New York Times called the Parent Teacher Conference, which was a biweekly column sort of for the Parents wanting to ask questions about education and teachers wanting to ask questions about sort of the, it was at the intersection of education and parenting. And so my brain was constantly thinking of what is the impact of this learning environment or this parenting thing. And, you know, what I was sort of seeing was that some aspects of over parenting, whether it's highly directive parenting or controlling parenting, were  undermining. Learning in many respects, but I wasn't really clear on how that was happening or even if that was happening. And so the journalist in me got to go out and research that for like two years, and then write a book about what I found in terms of how parenting styles affect learning, motivation, engagement, all that kind of stuff. And, and then I had to get real about my own parenting. Cause it turns out I was doing the same thing. To my own kids  that I was irritated for the parents of my students were doing. So it became something I had to look at both as a parent and a teacher. And it became personal for me, which was where I had to be quite humbled to take a deep breath and look at my own, my own,  my own habits and what I was doing to my own kids.  I love how you brought both sides of the same coin together, just like being part of the experiment and then also like trying to figure out what's going on in this experiment, like, are we too involved? Are we not? Well, no, we are definitely not not involved. But it's it's just interesting how then you had to almost take your own medicine in a way. Yeah, I appreciate it. Like I said,  Humbling, especially since, well, so much of what I write about, I mean, the gift of failure was my first book and it was very much about the impact of parenting styles over parenting, directive parenting and autonomy, the alternate, the alternative autonomy, supportive parenting and what that does to kids ability to learn and their motivation and stuff like that. And that's based on research that's out there in the field. And then my second book. Was about my coming to terms of the fact that I am an alcoholic and getting control of my own drinking, not really getting control of it, but not drinking anymore, and then having to think about, okay, well, what has the impact been on my children and what will the intact impact continue to be on my children in terms of their own risks? So I have really what I consider to be one of the coolest jobs in the world, which is to get curious about a topic and then. Go in my hidey hole in the woods of Vermont and research the heck out of it for a couple of years and then translate that research for people who don't necessarily want to go around reading studies and, and having to learn the statistics and all that other stuff in order to translate it to real life and how that actually translates to parenting and education and what we do in the classroom and all of that sort of stuff. It's, it's a really, it's perfect for me as a job. Yeah, I mean, it's so interesting, too, that you have this like, or had this fascination for middle school. May I ask, before we move on, why? Because I have kids in middle school and I'm like, who would be fascinated with middle school?  Well, I actually, uh, my very first teaching gig was with kids, was at the Duke Talent Identification Program. And it, there were, they were sort of gifted or really advanced middle school kids, but they weren't, they were so mature for their age in many ways that it, so I moved directly into teaching.  And I thought that's where I would stay. And I had applied for a new teaching job in a high school that I really admired. And I got a note from the head of a middle school saying, is there any way you would come and interview for this job? Would really love to talk to you about it. And I'm like, Middle school. I, I, I don't know. They, they freak me out. I didn't like middle school myself. I can't imagine that I would want to teach kids that young. And she said, look, just come meet them, which was the kiss of death. I went and I met them and I fell in love with them immediately. And it was,  there's something about the fact that they are still. Children, in the sense that their guard isn't completely up, they still need hugs, they still,  there's, there's something really magical about this, this age, and I think the more you understand about the adolescent brain and cognitive development during adolescence, the more  You can understand why middle school is so magical. They, we give them far more than they can handle from the perspective of where their brain development is. And so the expectation is if you're a middle school teacher who absolutely loves this age group, and I don't know why you would teach middle school if you didn't, because it would be maddening.  The expectation is, is that we will watch them screw up all day long over and over and over again, and find those learning moments because Kids aren't always teachable on our schedule. Sometimes it requires us to sort of step back and say, okay, in the back of my mind, I know I'm going to have to talk to this kid about his total lack of organization, but I can't do it right now because he hasn't had lunch yet or his Guinea pig died last night or whatever is happening at home. His parents are getting divorced and now isn't the best time to be talking. It's more than he can handle. So you wait for just that right moment. And over. I was really lucky. I got to teach sixth grade and seventh grade and eighth grade. So I had these kids for three full years, something that education is, is really starting to realize is important, which is sort of tracking teachers along with kids for more than one year. You really get the opportunity to get to know them. And so if anyone's ever parented a middle school kid, sixth grade and eighth grade are like two different planets. So getting to watch them grow from sixth grade to the end of eighth grade and heading off to high school. It just, it's amazing. It's incredible. I love it so much. I have a seventh grader, so I'm smack in the middle. I'm seeing a little metamorphosis. It's kind of like, oh my goodness, what's coming out on the other side. But, but I'll say this, I'll say this. I think as far as this idea of how much a kid can handle, depending on their age. Is it, oh, of course. It's an idea that even it involves us moms too, and how much we can handle. And on that note, I thought we would totally talk about one of your viral videos. I'm going to say Instagram  with regards to a topic that I think a lot of us. might not be able to handle. Like if we have kids and, and we're kind of focused on grades and we want to be sure that they get to like the right high school, the right college and all of that, the topic that you shared your perspective on was my kid left her homework at home. Should I take it to school for her? And the reason why that topic resonated with me is because here's my theory. My theory is. The reason why a lot of moms are challenged in terms of their mental bandwidth, like, why does it feel so stretched? My hypothesis is because they're also taking ownership of our kids burdens and challenges and problems to solve. And along the lines of how much they can handle and how much we can handle, I would love your thoughts. thoughts on this idea of, of homework. It's like, I feel like there's got to be a lot more to it than just a piece of like paper giving to school. There's got to be a lot behind that. So say more.  Yeah. So this story actually is in the book, the gift of failure and is  It's a cool story because since gift to failure came out, there has been a long period of time in which I've seen how the choices I made that day have played out over a long period of time. So you have to understand the backstory, which I explained in gift to failure, which is that my daughter had real issues with organization. I mean, again, this was for her, this was fourth grade, but this is something that could come up any, at any period in time. And what. We understood was that she just at first was that her homework just wasn't getting done. That's what I heard from the teacher like homework is not happening. Well, it turns out that wasn't exactly true. What we did was we talked to her about the homework issue. And what we found out was that actually the homework was getting done. It was just that she was either not handing it in. It was getting lost. It was stuck in the bottom of her backpack. So what was fascinating about that to me is that my assumption was that she was just not doing it. That's Turns out wasn't true. It was a whole different piece of this. So we had to lay out really clear expectations for homework and then really clear consequences for if she didn't hand it in. So our really clear expectations were you'll do it, you'll do it to the best of your ability. You'll put it in your backpack, you'll take it back out of your backpack and you will hand it in to your teacher so that your teacher can give you feedback because homework is all about feedback.  And  So by the time this homework was left on this coffee table and my daughter was already out at the bus stop.  And we knew that her major problem was putting the homework in the backpack, taking it out of the backpack, handing it to the teacher. And we'd had a whole conversation about this and we'd been working on this specific thing. And so I went back and forth and back and forth. Do I take it? Do I not take it? In fact, I had to go to the school for something later that day anyway, so it would have been super easy for me to take it. And I actually even went to Facebook and put up on Facebook that this was a challenge for me. I was right in the middle of writing the gift of failure. What I do, blah, blah, blah. And a friend of mine who helps run this website called Grown and Flown and wrote the book Grown and Flown about helping your older kids sort of out of, out of the nest, she said, Jess, I really respect you and I love your work, but I disagree if, if. If this were  your husband and he forgot his, his charging cord at home, then you'd take it to him. Right? Because family, if no one else has your back, right? We show each other, we have their backs and we love each other. And if no one else in the world supports us, our family supports us. And I'm like, Oh crud, what do I do now? Because my instinct is I can't take the homework and not just because my entire very small community knew I was writing a book called the gift of failure about this exact thing. And so I didn't take the homework that day because I realized no, yes, I would take the, the charging cord to my husband, but my husband, always remembers his charging cord. Like that's not an issue we're working on with him. He's an incredibly careful and meticulous person. And so it would be an oddity, an outlier for him to forget something like that. But with my daughter, this is a very specific thing we've been working on. So I didn't take it. I'm also, by the way, not raising my husband. I was raising my daughter with this very specific blind spot in her, in her executive function skills. And so I didn't take it. And what ended up happening was  her teacher got fed up. Wonderful Mr. Dano. I love him so much. I talk about him all the time. Mr. Dano kept her in from lunch, which plus a minus I'm not in agreement with that. We, Kids need exercise, but kept her in from recess and said, this is something that's been going on for too long. It's time that you just, you have to come up with a strategy, like how is tomorrow going to be different from today? And that day, the day I didn't take the homework and did not rescue her, she was forced to sit down and come up with a strategy that would work for her. And that strategy won PS, I had been recommending for ages that she didn't. Listen to came up with her own strategy, which again was the one I had been recommending you forever, but it was the one that she thought she came up with all on her own, which is what matters, which was a checklist, like having a checklist at home so that she remembers everything. And what was so cool about that was.  She's very proud of herself when she told me all about this checklist thing. She had come up with clearly all on her own,  but it's the,  the tool she used, the strategy she used all the way through middle school, all the way through high school. I kept all of them. She would remake them from time to time, depending on what she needed. And she's in college now, and it continues to be the way she thinks about it. What she needs to leave house with or the dorm room with or whatever  And it stuck because it was her Strategy and if I had taken the homework that day She wouldn't have had this moment where she had to talk to an adult about how She needed to be supported in coming up with a solution to this ongoing problem that she wasn't hearing from me and I'm forever indebted to Mr. Dano for, for being that person that really pushed her to come up with something. So it was really hard to stay home that day, especially since it was for a subject that. She was having trouble with, it was kids who were starting to tease her about being the kid that forgets everything. I could have saved her from that if I had just taken the homework that day, but, and it would have made me feel great,  but I had to put off my own, Need to feel good about here's how much I love you. Here's visible evidence of how much I love you for what would benefit her long term, not necessarily that day. And I would have stolen that learning opportunity from her. And to your point,  it's not great at there's another story that I tell in the book, which is that former. Student of mine, we were working on some stuff together about her anxiety and her anxiety around homework and all that stuff. And it was because her parents were so, so invested in helping her with homework every single day, like literally on top of her. And it was causing major chaos, not just chaos, but anxiety in the home. When it came time for her to go off to college and I asked her what she was excited about, she's like, Oh yeah, I'm so excited for this, that, and the other thing. She said, but I'm really, really worried about my parents because I don't know what they're going to do with their time because she had never seen her parents have a life outside of her needs and wants  and schedule. And that's bad for kids. Like we shouldn't. They need to see that we have a life outside of their needs and wants and lives and that we are full people outside of our children. That's how we teach our children to be their own parents who can have a life outside of their own kids and think about things like their relationships and their career and their whatever those other things are outside of kids. So I think it's, we really, really have to balance that stuff and be thinking about what's important for our kids in the long term and what's important for us in the long term.  Absolutely. And as I think about what you're sharing, I'm thinking to myself, okay, so this was like a, a little moment that became a huge learning opportunity, lifelong benefits for your daughter. And I'm curious about for yourself and just like, is this now something that you never had to think about again? Like, how did it like.  Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be nice if I never had to think about it again? No, it was fourth grade and you know, this, she continued to be the kind of kid who needed more supports, especially for executive function stuff. And for those people who don't know, executive function stuff is frontal lobe stuff. It's adulting stuff. So the brain develops from the bottom up. We start with like the ability to breathe and the ability and reflexes and the ability to see our heart. But the higher up in our brain, we go, the more we're thinking about like time management, resource allocation, how we segue from one thing to another, starting a task, finishing a task, all that kind of like adulting stuff. That's all frontal lobe stuff. And that is the very last part of the brain to come online. And many, many. Kids, fourth grade, middle school, high school, that part of the brain is not fully online yet. It's not fully online until the early to mid twenties, which if you read my other book about substance use, it's the reason that using addictive substances is so much more harmful to the adolescent brain than it is to an adult brain that's done forming. So for me, I constantly had to think, okay, where is my kid along this continuum of developing executive function? And she's 20 now.  Is she fully cooked yet? No, she, her brain won't be fully cooked until the early to mid twenties. My older kid happened to get there a little bit sooner and my younger kid is getting there a little later and that's totally normal. But how I react to one kid might be a little different from how I react to my other kids simply because.  I know,  I have a pretty good sense of where they are in terms of what they need, and it's when we start  assuming that they need help all the time, when we start assuming that they're not competent enough to do stuff themselves, that's when we start sort of stepping in, doing too much, being overly directive, and possibly fostering what's called learned helplessness, which is teaching our kids Oh, no, I don't think you can do that thing. And then they start to believe it too. And so their immediate reaction becomes, Oh, I need help with this. I can't do it myself. There's no way I could do this on my own. And I see it from the classroom side as a teacher. And I see it at home from my own kids, it still pops up, but it still rears its ugly head sometimes, because is it easier to pretend you can't do it? So mom will do it. Absolutely. And that goes from laundry to loading the dishwasher to pretending that you didn't know that if the dishwasher is already clean, then you can unload it before you drop your stuff in the sink and just walk away. There's that learned helplessness thing is a really tempting  thing to fall into for kids until they're done developing and sometimes beyond. What's so what's so interesting, Jessica, in terms of just like my own experiences, is that. This dynamics of like an overly involved parent doing things for you is alien territory to me. I'm like, oh, that's so fascinating. I, I have a totally different life experience. So here's the challenge that I want to just share with you. Like how, How would a listener who has the opposite experience where she had to grow up very quickly because she was raised by a mom with manic depression? Like, how does someone like me and you, Jessica, teach our kids without breaking them? Because I don't know what they're capable of, but I'm really trying to figure out what are the edges and like, how does one before? For already, like what one kid could handle or not, how do you start like testing this just like, Oh, I think they got this or, Oh no, break them. If they do that. Yeah. So  I love this question because I hardly ever get this question. I, I was raised in a home with an alcoholic parent. I was raised along with some other stuff that I choose to keep private that  I had to grow up really fast and I was in charge of all my stuff. But part of that was really wonderful because part of it was that my parents trusted me to make good decisions and they, and I, you know, Very much wanted to fulfill that expectation. And so  from my perspective, some of that was really great. Like they trusted me to navigate the world and be able to speak up for myself. And they expected that I would speak up for myself and that I would be able to navigate the world. But there is, as you mentioned, so there's, There's a really interesting divide between kids who have, there's this thing called self efficacy, which is the feeling that if you take action, that you can change things. Like, let's say for example, I'm.  I really don't like my college roommate. We're just not getting along and I really think we should switch roommates. And so I know that I could go speak to an advisor or go talk to the college or talk to the roommate and either resolve things or change things up. That's a feeling of self efficacy. I know I can do that. So I tend to have a fairly high level of self efficacy, but there are two kinds of kids who have very low levels of self efficacy. And not only is that. which is terrible for them emotionally, but it's also a really big risk factor for substance use.  Kids who grow up in the foster care system, group homes, homes where they're being neglected or abused, where  you want to change the fact that you're getting hit or that you don't have anyone to turn to, but there isn't much you can do. Do to change that situation, a kid in foster care may have no control whatsoever over where they're living next week. And that can cause some kids to have really low levels of self efficacy. Like no matter what I do, nothing will change kind of thing. But then there are also kids who grow up with every support and financial support and parents doing everything for them. And even those kids can end up in a situation where they're like, well, I don't need to make decisions about things because all decisions are being made for me. Someone is going to figure that out for me. And that's also can foster a really low level of self efficacy. And these are the kids that I saw in my rehab classroom a lot, these two kinds of kids. And so I think One of the best things we can do is really get to know the kid that we have really well. What are their needs? What are their wants? What are, what are the things they love? And let them know that we love them no matter what the outcome is That we're, that we're really interested in the process of becoming, learning, practicing that when we focus overly on the end product, the trophy, the score, the grade, the points, that what we're saying is we don't care how you get there. We just want you to provide these results and. The way we react when they do or don't provide those results.  Can make them can make a lot of kids feel like they are loved more when they get high grades and less when they Get low grades. And in fact, I poll kids on this when i'm in schools And it's really stunning how many kids say? Yeah, I really do believe that i'm loved More when I get high grades and less when I get low grades so doing a lot of this sort of process talk will also get at the topic of Well, do you need support here? Do you want me to step back a lot of Parents don't think to ask those questions, especially when your come kids, your kid comes to you and they're really upset and like we go into that defensive mode and we just want to fix it for them because it's so horrible to hear about our kids being in distress. But a lot of teens will tell you that they don't want the problem solved. They just want to talk about it. They just want to be heard. So.  Making sure your kid feels heard is the number one thing that we can do to make sure that we're not under parenting or over parenting because they're going to tell us if they trust us and if they feel supported in the process of becoming and whoever it is, they're going to be, as opposed to just in the end product, then they hopefully will trust us enough to tell us when they need help and when they need support, and that's when you can get to know Are they asking for help because they're  being helpless here, or are they asking for help because they really, really need help? And it becomes fairly, it's different with each kid, but if I can learn it in a classroom of 30 students, I knew when my students needed real help or were just copping out for the day. And I knew when a student was in distress and not asking for help. That's a matter of looking and listening, listening, listening. And paying attention to who the kid is. And there's one thing I say a lot when I'm talking in schools, talking to parents about gift to failure stuff, which is  that we have to love the kid. We have not the kid we wish we had, because when we love the kid, we have not some imaginary version of our child. We really do get  a feel for their emotional state and their,  their levers for what they want and need from us. And, and that's.  Knowing the kid you have and, and not just the kid you wish you had is sort of the most important thing that I think we can do as a parent.  Yeah, I would agree totally. I think some kids can handle more than other kids, which is an obvious point. But I think as a parent, it's the onus is on us to really like understand, like maybe what are their limits and challenge them a little bit. I mean, I have several anecdotes, which I'll definitely share in the show notes a bit more, but. Yeah. Thank you, Jessica, for this. I think this is important. And so one final question before you share all your socials and where we could get your books and such, but here's the question. So you personally, as a mom, as an author, a New York Times bestselling author, help us understand how you personally have bubble wrapped your sanity along your journey.  Yeah, at the, my ability to say no to things has gotten better. When I first sold The Gift of Failure, I was working full time over more than full time as a middle school teacher. I was teaching six, six class. So I was teaching six individual different classes out of seven periods a day. And I was also working part time as an education journalist. And then I sold my book and I did not want to stop teaching. But I also. I had to weigh sort of what I wanted from my career, and I had always wanted to be a writer, and this was my big chance to sort of do it or not do it right. And I had to, I, the day I quit, I was just Weeping. It was awful. I luckily was able to find a part time job teaching so that I was able to juggle everything, but I couldn't do everything I wanted to do. And granted, this isn't from a perspective of, Oh my gosh, I have choice. That's a place of incredible privilege. And I totally understand that. But being able to say no to some of the things that are shiny objects that I would love to like have on my CV, or that I think could sell a couple extra books, or that might give me, give me another opportunity. I've had to realize that I can't be all things to all people. I can't do everything. In order to be the parent that my teenagers needed, I couldn't also. Teach full time. I just couldn't do it no matter how much I wanted to stay.  And it was really sad, but it was a decision that was really, really good and allowed me, as I said, to find a part time job that did allow me to have a taste of this and a taste of that, and still be there for my kids when they needed me to be. Thank you for that. I think that's helpful. I think saying no is ultimately saying yes to the thing that you really want. So it makes, it makes sense. And I know it's really, really hard, especially when those objects are extra super shiny. So Jessica, share with us where we can continue to follow along your journey and buy your books and support you and learn more about them. Your gift of failure.  So everything is at Jessica Lahey. com, including the daily videos. I was putting up for a while and I'm hoping to return to both on the addiction inoculation and the gift of failure. I do that on Instagram but they're all indexed in the little table of contents on there. You can find out about more about. Possibly getting me to come to your kid's school or some nonprofit organization in your area to speak about either topic. But again, everything is at Jessica Lahey. com and I'm on all of the social places at, at Jess Lahey. Thank you so much. Or at Teacher Lahey, sorry, at Teacher Lahey. Someone over on Instagram took at Jess Lahey, so I couldn't have it. So I'm at Teacher Lahey over on Instagram. Thank you so much, Jessica. I appreciate this.  Thank you so much. This is such, such a fun conversation. Absolutely. Thanks again.  What an amazing conversation with Jessica, and here's why I was so smitten to have a conversation with her. First of all, I think it's so interesting that the topic of over parenting is such a big deal these days because I see it, I'm a witness, I understand it visually. But personally, and maybe you too, I wasn't over parented. I don't know if I would say I was under parented, but maybe right sized parented for my personality and my abilities. So, it's something for you to consider. I think there's two ends, two ways of approaching parenting, probably several. But ultimately, it's something important to understand as far as For each individual child. So here's my quick recap. Number one, kids do need to see that we have lives outside of our kids. And I think that is even more important and possible with the internet, making it more accessible to us. Second point, we have to give kids more credit. We can't assume that they don't know how to do something. I will even add this point. Not only can we not assume that they don't know how to do something. But dare I say, and I'm just saying this cause it's easier to say than to do. What if they actually can do something more simply and better? Right? So that's an opportunity that I think is really helpful. Here's the third one, self efficacy. So for different kids, there's different quote unquote. Levels of abilities, right? And capabilities. So it's beyond just the age because you could have two 12 year olds that have totally different ways of handling the exact same stressful moment. And I think. You see that in one home where you have siblings who see certain situations favorably, potentially, and others, not as much. So it's really important for us as moms, even at the helm of really growing businesses. To really pay attention to the different parenting style needs that our individual children have. And as someone with identical twins, that goes for me too, and maybe for you too. So hope you enjoyed the conversation. I definitely want to invite you to learn more about Jessica. She shared how to reach out to her. And I also want to invite you to head on over to fertile ideas. com. When I say that I am beyond, beyond excited that I am sharing. You know, everything that I've learned over these four years on how to rediscover my own imagination so that this way I could actually have a business that thrives and something that I'm excited about and I feel fully aligned to, which is supporting mom entrepreneurs. It is not an understatement. Your imagination is something that you might not even know has been paused for a decade. And once we hit that play button. And that is a little bit of a pun because that is part of my framework playing with your imagination. There's no telling at how many wonderful ideas you could activate and turn into reality and actually make an impact in the world and on your terms. So head on over to www.fertileideas.com

"Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence"

It's a truth many parents may ignore.   In this compelling episode, Jessica Lahey, bestselling author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation takes us through her personal battle with addiction to spotlight the critical importance of honest conversations about substance abuse with our children.   Lahey emphasizes the need to sift fact from fiction in discussing the effects of drugs and alcohol on developing brains, setting clear boundaries, and providing accurate, age-appropriate information.   She advocates for starting these discussions early, leveraging her insights to guide parents on fostering an environment of trust and informed decision-making, while also highlighting the role of professional support in overcoming addiction.   Listen For 2:06 Substance Use Prevention in Kids 4:16 The Role of Honest Conversations 5:52 Genetic Factors in Substance Use Disorder 23:31 Early Conversations and Education   Leave a rating/review for this podcast with one click   Guest: JESSICA LAHEY Website | Jessica's Books | LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram   Contact Kate: Email | Website | Kate's Book on Amazon | LinkedIn | Facebook | XSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's a truth many parents may ignore.   In this compelling episode, Jessica Lahey, bestselling author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation takes us through her personal battle with addiction to spotlight the critical importance of honest conversations about substance abuse with our children.   Lahey emphasizes the need to sift fact from fiction in discussing the effects of drugs and alcohol on developing brains, setting clear boundaries, and providing accurate, age-appropriate information.   She advocates for starting these discussions early, leveraging her insights to guide parents on fostering an environment of trust and informed decision-making, while also highlighting the role of professional support in overcoming addiction.   Listen For 2:06 Substance Use Prevention in Kids 4:16 The Role of Honest Conversations 5:52 Genetic Factors in Substance Use Disorder 23:31 Early Conversations and Education   Leave a rating/review for this podcast with one click   Guest: JESSICA LAHEY Website | Jessica's Books | LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram   Contact Kate: Email | Website | Kate's Book on Amazon | LinkedIn | Facebook | XSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Season 2 Kicks-Off with Jessica Lahey and her New York Times bestselling book "The Gift of Failure: How The Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed". Lahey is a teacher, speaker and mom who has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at The New York Times.  Listen to our chat from Season One, The Addiction Inoculation and the importance of understanding substance abuse and prevention. Find out more about Lahey and her work at jessicalahey.com and follow on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.  Host Erin Prather Stafford launched Girls That Create in 2019. The site supports the parents and caregivers of creative girls while encouraging greater female representation across the arts. To support the parents and caregivers of creative girls while encouraging greater female representation across the arts, go to girlsthatcreate.com and connect on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and YouTube.   Please support UnsilencedVoices.org. WordofMomRadio.com - sharing the wisdom of women.  

Middle school can be such a stressful experience for kids, their parents, and educators alike. It's a time of change, pressure, and uncharted territory that can be extremely overwhelming. In this conversation, Emily Edlynn speaks with the author of Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times, Phyllis Fagell, who has crafted a science-backed and compassionate resource for parents and educators to support middle schoolers through the most challenging situations. You will learn why this particular age group has the capacity for remarkable growth and resilience and why adults should not be afraid of this stage of life—instead, concentrate on the strengths and skills that can be cultivated during it. We invite you to listen to this episode for actionable strategies and skills to help your tweens thrive and become more resilient in a world that can be chaotic and anxiety-inducing. From managing rejection, friendships, and self-regulating emotions to academic performance and recovering from setbacks, Phyllis' advice is invaluable.  Listen and Learn:  What Phyllis enjoys most about working with and writing about the middle-school age group Why Phyllis wrote a book to help parents better understand and support middle schoolers Tips to help provide a foundation of security for kids in these chaotic and scary times Common parenting concerns during middle school and how using different superpowers can help with such challenges  How being a middle school counselor, writing about middle school, and being a parent at the same time has been a gift and a liability for Phyllis Resources: Phyllis Fagell's website Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times About Phyllis Fagell  Phyllis Fagell is a practicing school counselor, a psychotherapist who works with children and teens in private practice, and an author and journalist. She is the author of "MIDDLE SCHOOL MATTERS, The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond – and How Parents Can Help," and her most recent book that we're discussing today: "MIDDLE SCHOOL SUPERPOWERS, Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times." Phyllis is a frequent contributor to publications such as The Washington Post and CNN, and her ideas have been shared in outlets including The New York Times, NPR, The Chicago Tribune, and The Atlantic. Phyllis has three children and lives in Bethesda, MD. Related Episodes: 272. Middle School Matters with Phyllis Fagell 324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace 319. Autonomy-Supportive Parenting with the AMAZING Emily Edlynn 202. The Addiction Inoculation with Jess Lahey 213. Back To School! How To Talk With Kids To Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance and A Happy Home with Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson 293. Quit with Annie Duke Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jessica is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times.Sober Podcast works on defining recovery one story at a time. We are an addiction podcast and sobriety podcast focused on giving recovery a voice and bringing you enlightening messages of hope every Saturday! Tune in to hear the full interview and find more interviews on www.SoberPodcast.com. To get in touch with our host, Jamie Brickhouse please find him and his critically acclaimed book, ‘Dangerous When Wet: A Memoir of Booze, Sex, and My Mother on the following outlets:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jamie_brickhouseFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamiebrickhousestoryteller Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamiebrickhouse/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/jamiebrickhouse Website: https://www.jamiebrickhouse.com/ Support our host, buy his book: https://linktr.ee/Jamiebrickhouse  Visit ‘All Things Sober' on www.SoberVerse.com Support the showContact Sober Podcast:●     Follow on Instagram: @sobervers●     Twitter: @soberverse●     Like us on Facebook!●     Follow on TikTok: @soberverse●     Email us at: info@sobernetwork.com●     www.SoberPodcast.comThanks for your support! Catch a new Soberlebrity guest every Saturday.Support the showContact Sober Podcast: Follow on Instagram: @sobervers Twitter: @soberverse Like us on Facebook! Follow on TikTok: @soberverse Email us at: info@sobernetwork.com www.SoberPodcast.com Thanks for your support! Catch a new Soberlebrity guest every Saturday.

This week on The Perinatal Podcast, Jessica Lahey joins me to chat about how to set our kids up for success in regard to what they put in their bodies even from a young age, what to have intentional conversations about quitting things like piano and soccer, even how to be a happier parent. What a delight it was having Jessica on to share about the effects of over-parenting, how to help build autonomy in our children, and how all of this is not done in one simple conversation, and I'm so excited to share our discussion with you! About Jessica: Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. Thanks for joining us on The Perinatal Podcast! Find Jessica! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teacherlahey/ Website Links: https://linktr.ee/teacherlahey Thanks so much for joining me for this episode of The Perinatal Podcast. I'd love for you to write a review of my show on your app, and don't forget to subscribe so you get a notification when new content is posted. Take a moment to leave a 5-star rating, too! You can access additional mental wellness content and ad-free episodes by purchasing a monthly subscription at ⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/theperinatalpodcast/subscribe⁠ or ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-perinatal-podcast/id1590957531⁠. Follow me at @AmplifyWellnessWithMeg on Instagram and find Meg Duke LCSW on Facebook. You can also look for The Perinatal Podcast content by searching the hashtag, #ThePerinatalPodcast. Our show is executive produced by David Presley and produced by Meg Duke. Our theme song was written and performed by Antwone McDuffie.

Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for “outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol” […] “for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community.” Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont, and serves as a prevention and recovery coach at Sana, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. This week as Jeff and Tricia launch the new Social Emotional Learning series they talk with Jessica specifically about her book The Gift of Failure. Find your copy: On Sale Now via Bookshop Learn about Jessica Lahey's other work: https://www.jessicalahey.com/ We are so grateful to the team at Mackin for sponsoring this episode and the full SEL series. Learn more about them: Mackin  Want to discuss your thoughts on this episode? Join us at our camp! camp.shiftingschools.com Continue your learning with Jeff and Tricia Learn how www.shiftingschools.com

Hi #AmWriters! Jess here to talk about what I've been up to this summer and hoping some of it proves helpful for you. That's why we started this podcast years ago - to flatten the learning curve for other writers. Here I am, almost a decade out from the publication of The Gift of Failure and I have this new book, The Addiction Inoculation, on a topic that can be scary to some people (substance use disorder! eeeek!) as you know, I'm always looking for ways to get books in the hands of new readers, get information into the heads of people who need to know it, and keep my speaking career afloat. This summer, I did a massive marketing re-invention because the speaking engagements that have been going particularly well are not about one book or the other, but both. I've been using The Gift of Failure as a Trojan Horse to get the Addiction Inoculation substance use prevention content out to audience members who need to hear it but who might be reluctant to attend a talk advertised solely as ABOUT SUBSTANCE USE PREVENTION. Behind the scenes moment, I just texted Sarina and KJ in our group chat: Anyway, back to marketing. I came up with some new ideas and while researching those, stumbled upon a conference aimed squarely at the people doing substance use prevention work on the ground. I decided to go to the conference to meet them and get my book into their hands, and I tell you all about how it went. I wanted to share what I learned and some strategies that were helpful to me as well as a reminder that the success of our books does not hinge on pub day. Sure, a great pub day is helpful and can get you on one of those coveted lists, but there's a lot to love about the slow burn book, the perennial seller, the evergreen content.#AmReading:The Woodkin by Alexander JamesNever Enough by Jennifer Breheny WallaceErasing the Finish Line by Ana HomayounMiddle School Superpowers by Phyllis FagellGrowing Up in Public by Devorah HeitnerRaising Empowered Athletes by Kirsten JonesCalm the Chaos by Dayna AbrahamHi! KJ here, invading Jess's shownotes to say BUY MY BOOK. Playing the Witch Card, out 9/12/23 in US and UK. You'll like it. I promise. So will your mother, daughter, sister, partner and next door neighbor. Bookshop.org Amazon Barnes&Noble Still North Books and BarLooking for Workshops Against Empire? There's been a change of plans--that will be offered in November now.  Visit susandefreitas.com to learn more. Enrollment is now open for Author Accelerator's new and improved fiction book coach certification program! Turn your love of reading into a career you love with a self-paced program you can access from anywhere. With more than 100 hours of training, videos, case studies, and worksheets, Author Accelerator's program teaches you the key editorial skills, client-management strategies, and tools needed to help writers reach their goals and to help you start a thriving book coaching business.I've been through this, and I can tell you that this is more than just an online course. You'll take the skills you learn and apply them with real-life clients through three practicums designed to help you practice helping authors go from confusion to clarity with their novel idea. Yes, you work with real writers, yes it's terribly nerve-wracking—but the author I worked with during one of my practicums just got a book deal with that project! This is real, kids. Learn more and enroll now at bookcoaches.com/podcast. More interested in nonfiction? The nonfiction certification program launches next month! Visit bookcoaches.com/podcast and sign up for their newsletter to stay in-the-know.Discover Sarina Bowen and her book marketing fun (and other neat goodies) on TikTok! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

Chris and Danny talk about the mindset and perspective shift families gain by applying separation, empathy and compassion to their loved one's addiction. Episode Highlights The concept of separating loved ones from their addiction Seeking information about addiction and recovery Separation, empathy, and compassion as tools to understand and handle addiction The hardships families face dealing with an addicted loved one The importance of separating the person from their addiction Substance abuse not being a moral failing, countering the stigma that people with substance use issues are inherently flawed or have made poor choices Who may be the most empathetic towards addiction? How to address a loved one in a situation like jail due to addiction Remember to “Take a S.E.C.” when you approach your addicted loved one Letting them off the hook: Understanding that they're 'hooked' on their addiction and can't unhook themselves without intervention Links and Resources from this Episode https://whyintervention.com/ https://twitter.com/whyintervention https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs Jessica Lahey's book "The Addiction Inoculation": https://a.co/d/cb3IUO1   Call to Action Schedule a Call Free Resources Review, Subscribe and Share If you like what you hear please leave a review by clicking here Make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so you get the latest episodes. Subscribe with Apple Podcasts Follow on Spotify Subscribe with RSS

On this week's #RaisingAthletes podcast, I do a #PodSwap with Jessica Lahey (best selling Author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation) and her podcast, #AmWriting which she co-hosts with Sarina Bowen and KJ Dell'Antonia. Jess and I break down the process of writing, how my book, Raising Empowered Athletes, came to be and how we became friends and cheerleaders for each other (so refreshing, right!?!). We go back and forth talking about such hot topics as Parents Weekend Pressure, Drug and Alcohol Peer Pressure, Perfectionism and Anxiety, to name a few. It's such a gift to talk with Jess and we hope you enjoy this episode as much as we do! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kirsten-jones0/support

On this week's #RaisingAthletes podcast, Kirsten does a #PodSwap with Jessica Lahey (best selling Author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation) and her podcast, #AmWriting which she co-hosts with Sarina Bowen and KJ Dell'Antonia. Jess and Kirsten break down the process of writing, how Kirsten's book, Raising Empowered Athletes, came to be and how they became friends and cheerleaders for each other (so refreshing, right!?!). In this clip, Kirsten and Jess discuss the Pressure of Parent's Weekend (and was that even a thing when they were in college?) --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kirsten-jones0/support

Jess Lahey can talk about so many things so brilliantly that interviewing her felt a bit like walking through an outlet mall: so many choices and they all look so good!But really, here's what you need to know: She's a former New York Times columnist and current Atlantic contributor, podcaster and New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure whose new book, The Addiction Inoculation, is the one that the world has been clamoring for. It addresses the question on pretty much every parent's mind at one time or another: how do I prevent my kid from becoming an addict?Lahey addresses this issue from her own perspective (as a sober woman from an alcoholic family who's taught high schoolers in recovery) but with a reporter's brilliance (coupled with scientific and medical knowledge, with some help, she acknowledges, from her in-house researcher, her husband Dr. Tim Lahey). In short, she's the perfect person to have penned this book and she couldn't have penned it at a more perfect time.She's also, it turns out, the perfect person to talk to about building a business from a book—particularly if that business includes speaking, podcasting and newsletter writing. She's got tips aplenty for how to get speaking gigs, be booked on huge podcasts and have celebrities endorse your work. But—trigger warning—you'll never again think, "Oh, look how lucky that writer got, I bet it was easy for her." In other words, a sh*tload of work goes into these "lucky breaks," and Jess breaks down every single one. FOR MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST AND OTHER STUFF, GO TO WWW.ONGOODAUTHORITYPOD.COM

Addiction is a frightening disorder with complex root causes, affecting a staggering one in every five people over the age of 14. To explore the intricate nature of addiction, we invited Dr. Judith Grisel, a renowned psychology professor at Bucknell University and the author of Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction, to the conversation.  What makes this conversation so powerful is not only Dr. Grisels wealth of knowledge but also her ability to explain complicated ideas in such a relatable way. And what's even more remarkable is her own history with substance abuse and how, with effective treatment and understanding, she embarked on her own thirty-plus-year road to recovery.   Combining science-based understanding with learned experience, Judith explains how addiction affects the brain, the social, psychological, and genetic factors that play a part, as well as the value of de-stigmatization, support, and early treatment. Whether you or someone you love has been impacted by addiction, her insights, and transformational story are sure to provide guidance and hope. Listen and Learn:  Judith details her own experience with substance abuse and explains what it did for her on a psychological level What is the link between genetic liability and substance use during adolescent years that makes individuals more susceptible to addiction? Why the use of drugs is not a moral weakness Can even moderate use of alcohol be detrimental to your health and well-being?  The neurological process that happens when it comes to addiction  The turning point that motivated Judith's road to recovery Why support, early treatment, and curiosity could be the keys to your recovery  Are some drugs harder to quit than others?  The opposite of addiction isn't sobriety; it's freedom What can society do to combat the underlying causes of addiction? Resources:  Learn more about Judith  Judith's book Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction - TED Talk by Judith Grisel About Judith Grisel Dr. Judith Grisel is a behavioral neuroscientist with a particular interest in addiction. Her research attempts to identify psychological and genetic factors that lead some people to develop drug addictions while others in similar circumstances do not. Grisel's work is inspired by her own personal experience with addiction, a struggle she chronicled in her book Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction. The work, which appeared on the New York Times bestseller list for science books, established Grisel as a leading expert on the science of substance abuse. That reputation earned her an invitation to speak on addiction panels at the 2020 World Economic Forum. Related Episodes: 235. The Urge: The Shaping of Addiction & Mental Health with Carl Erik Fisher  286. Not Drinking Tonight with Amanda White Episode 101. The Complete Family Guide to Addiction with Thomas Harrison and Hillary Connery Episode 155. Mindfulness and Recovery with Rebecca Williams      Episode 202. The Addiction Inoculation with Jess Lahey  Episode 233. Dopamine Nation with Anna Lembke Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can parents help their children navigate the minefield of growing up without making poor choices around substance use? Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jessica discusses substance use disorder research and the dialogue needed between parents, teachers, and children to help young people make good choices. Until children's brains fully develop, they are at greater risk for greater harm from substances. Jessica's work and contact information can be accessed at https://www.jessicalahey.com We're always interested in hearing from individuals or organizations who are working in substance use disorder treatment or prevention, mental health care and other spaces that lift up communities. This includes people living those experiences. If you or someone you know has a story to share or an interesting approach to care, contact us today! Follow us on Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube. Subscribe to Our Email List to get new episodes in your inbox every week!

In this episode, I speak with Jess Lahey about her latest book, The Addiction Inoculation, and what she learned from her work as a teacher at a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents. Jess talks candidly about the effects of alcohol and drug use on developing brains and provides parents with tips for having age appropriate discussions about the topic with their children and teenagers. Jess also shares how genetics, parenting styles, and education can all play a role in both risk and protective measures against child substance abuse. Join us for valuable insights into navigating how to raise healthy kids and prevent substance use disorder in children.Timestamps:[02:11] Introducing Jess Lahey.[03:27] What does an alcoholic look like?[05:39] Defining “substance use disorder”.[09:56] What should we know about substance abuse and developing brains?[16:28] The role of genetics and epigenetics on substance abuse.[21:33] Looking at the brain in early childhood and mindfulness.[29:53] Substance abuse and arrested development.[32:02] How to frame and encourage positive risk in adolescents.[34:56] Jess Lahey compares different schools of thought in addiction science and substance abuse.[38:49] What are the impacts of different parenting styles?[42:56] The importance of self-efficacy.[47:17] How to make education feel more relevant and connected for children and teens.[52:47] Jess Lahey discusses the importance of family connection with examples.[01:00:13] Jess Lahey talks about navigating her son's friendship with a peer struggling with substance abuse.[01:04:37] Final question and piece of advice.After listening to our conversation, I hope you and your child are able to approach the topic of addiction and substance abuse with clarity and compassion.Resources:The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Failure-Parents-Children-Succeed/dp/0062299255 The Addiction Inoculation by Jessica Lahey: https://www.amazon.com/Addiction-Inoculation-Raising-Healthy-Dependence/dp/006288378X Jessica's website: https://www.jessicalahey.com/ If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

You can also listen to this episode on Spotify!Did you know that all children, regardless of genetics, are at risk for substance abuse?Jessica Lahey is a New York Times bestselling author, mother, and parent educator on teen substance use. Her most recent book, The Addiction Inoculation, is a practical guide to help children grow up to be healthy and addiction-free. On this episode, Jessica sits down with Dr. McBride to discuss her own path to sobriety, the myths about substance abuse in adolescents, and how to help kids feel comfortable setting healthy boundaries. This is a must listen if you're looking for ways to talk with your kids, grandkids—or yourself—about alcohol. Feel free to share this episode with others who may be, too.Join Dr. McBride every Monday for a new episode of Beyond the Prescription.You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on her Substack at https://lucymcbride.substack.com/podcast. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter at lucymcbride.substack.com/welcome.Please be sure to like, rate, and review the show!Transcript of the podcast is here![00:00:00] Dr. McBride: Hello, and welcome to my office. I'm Dr. Lucy McBride, and this is Beyond the Prescription, the show where I talk with my guests like I do my patients, pulling the curtain back on what it means to be healthy, redefining health as more than the absence of disease. As a primary care doctor for over 20 years, I've realized that patients are much more than their cholesterol and their weight, that we are the integrated sum of complex parts.[00:00:33] Our stories live in our bodies. I'm here to help people tell their story to find out are they okay, and for you to imagine and potentially get healthier from the inside out. You can subscribe to my weekly newsletter at https://lucymcbride.substack.com/subscribeand to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. So let's get into it and go beyond the prescription.[00:01:01] My guest on the podcast today is Jessica Lahey. Jessica is a New York Times bestselling author, mother, longtime teacher and educator for parents and teens on the subject of substance use and overuse. Her most recent book, the Addiction Inoculation, is a crucial resource for anyone who plays a vital role in children's lives, from parents and teachers to coaches and pediatricians. Helping raise kids who will grow up healthy, happy, and addiction free. Jessica, welcome to the podcast.[00:01:35] Jessica: You are so welcome. I'm so happy to be here.[00:01:38] Dr. McBride: I'm really happy to be here too because you and I were talking before the show started recording about how medicine in the current landscape is failing people. It treats people like a set of boxes to check, like humans are a bag of organs. We cattle herd, we box check, we move people along the conveyor belt, when health to me, and I'm sure to your husband, who's also a doctor, is rooted in the relationship with a patient, is founded on trust. And particularly when we're talking about complex issues like substance use and overuse, it requires time to get to know the patient and then unlock those complicated stories.[00:02:25] So, this is why I'm thrilled to have you here because it's clear to me that this is not just your job, but this is who you are. So I'd love to talk first about your story and how you became interested in substance use.[00:02:39] Jessica: I couldn't avoid it because I was raised in a home with someone with substance use disorder. One of my parents and one of my parents was raised with a person with substance use disorder and so on and so on, and so on and so on. And when I first got sober, On June 7th, 2013. Not coincidentally, my mother's birthday, I got blackout drunk at her birthday party.[00:03:03] My very first thought was, okay, well hold on. If I'm part of this long legacy, and by the way, my husband is part of a very long legacy of substance use disorder, how on earth do I make this stop for my kids? I mean am I just, are they just destined to carry? And I had so many questions about genetics and risk factors and all that stuff.[00:03:27] And more than that, I had also been a teacher for 20 years. And after I got sober, I started teaching in an inpatient recovery center for adolescents. And I wanted to understand very specifically, how those kids ended up there, what could we could have done differently, both from a parenting, from a social, from an educational perspective, how those kids ended up there.[00:03:50] And then looking at my own kids, I got sober when they were nine and 14. And I really just needed some answers. And I was hearing, most of the information I had in my head was myth. It was magical thinking. It was myth, it was rumor. I needed to understand, if we give kids sips when they're younger, does that do anything about helping them learn moderation or should we be aspiring to be like those European families that we talk about so much?[00:04:19] And anyway, so all of that stuff, I needed answers. I have the coolest job in the world, which is to get curious about topics and then get paid to research the heck out of them, and then translate that research for people who don't wanna dive in and research for two years to get the answer to a topic.[00:04:36] So my job is not just… I'm a writer, but I'm at heart, a teacher. I mean, not just to kids, but now I get to go out into the world and translate all of this stuff. And if there's nothing I love more, it's helping people think about topics that freak them out. Whether that's letting your kids fail with Gift of Failure, whether that's substance use prevention stuff.[00:04:59] It's the reason that I've stuck with this substance use prevention stuff, because it's just so hard to get people over the shame, the guilt, the fear, the denial in order to talk about this stuff. So that's one reason that I make daily videos about this stuff. I'm out there speaking to lots and lots of people, and sometimes it's an uphill battle, but it's really, really fun.[00:05:23] Dr. McBride: I can tell you're enjoying it and you're so effective at communication. I'm the same way. I love complicated patients. I love the layered kind of kernels of people's interiority and how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interrelated and then explaining it to people. I also love tackling topics that tend to freak people out, like death and dying, delivering bad news, like somehow that's like my Super Bowl. And I think one of the reasons is because, at least for me, I see the fear in people's eyes and I see the shame that they carry and then being able to kind of convey a message to people that is, that they can wrap their arms around is really gratifying. When it comes to substance use disorder, I think a lot of parents are freaked out.[00:06:12] I think they read the headlines. They see how pre pandemic, we had an epidemic of diseases of despair, including substance use disorder that is only accelerated during the pandemic and they don't know what to do. And they know their kids in their adolescent years are trying alcohol, drinking in kids' basements.[00:06:30] They're kind of looking at what other parents are doing and not knowing who to trust. And so I'd love to hear from you what are the common myths that parents tend to hold in their minds about substance use disorder in adolescence?[00:06:47] Jessica: Yeah, I think this is really important because it's also the myths that get translated to their children. And the big ones are things like, first of all it's a fait accompli—kids are going to drink anyway, so I might as well teach them how to do it responsibly, either because I have beer at my house and I take away everyone's keys, and at least they'll be safe.[00:07:06] That sort of just fatalistic, it's going to happen anyway because that's simply not true. The numbers are so much lower than people understand, and I get into that. In the book, there's this thing called pluralistic ignorance, which is we tend to overestimate in the case of alcohol, for example, how much people tend to drink, the people around us and how invested they are in having alcohol around.[00:07:28] And we all tend to overestimate that. So that sort of fatalistic thing, the whole, you know, I really want my kids to be like those European kids. So therefore if I let my kids have sips at home, let them have their own beer, a little bit of wine, that kind of thing, it'll somehow teach them to be moderate drinkers and not freak out when suddenly alcohol is available to them at college or whatever.[00:07:51] And that's wrong for so many reasons. I mean, the European Union as a whole, based on data from the World Health Organization and specifically World Health Organization Europe has the highest level of alcohol consumption in the entire world, and the highest level of deaths and illness attributable to alcohol.[00:08:10] Yes, there are exceptions, and that's a fantastic conversation to have as well, because that's about outliers based on the fact that those countries tend to have very particular community standards around public drunkenness. So the outliers tend to have to do with community pressures, and that leads to a great conversation of family culture, school culture, city culture, all those kinds of things.[00:08:33] And then, the idea that our kids don't listen to us because that's just not true. Even as kids get into college, they report that their parents tend to be their preferred and most trusted source of information for especially health, personal health, that kind of stuff, that kind of information. And finally, I want to also, I think it's really important to remember that substance use disorder and substance use are two different things. Lots of kids can try substances and not go on to have a problem with substances over the long run. And it's important to understand from an objective perspective what those risk factors are so that you can say, oh, my kids are at higher risk, or this puts my kid at higher risk, so what do I do specifically to deal with that. And then finally, I think it's also important to remember that yes, substance use disorder, we're having a crisis right now with mental health and stuff like that. And substance use disorder or substance use can be one way to cope with that. But prevention works. Effective prevention works.[00:09:31] And we're at, we've seen a 10 year decline really now 15 year decline in most aspects of substance use in adolescence. And that's because prevention works. And in order to do that really great prevention work, we have to be objective about risk factors, and we need to realize that adolescent brains are different from adult brains. I don't talk about adult substance use that often, except for when I talk about whether or not you should do it in front of your kids and what your messaging should be, because the adolescent brain is just different from the adult brain.[00:10:06] Dr. McBride: Okay. I wanna talk a lot about the adolescent brain, having three of them in my own house. I welcome your insights. Actually, two are in college, but they do inhabit my house every now and then. But let's go back to the first myth for a second. The myth that parents, I think, believe quite often, and I have believed in some ways, which is that it's inevitable they're going to use alcohol, trying to stop them from drinking alcohol or experimenting with it in high school is kind of like stopping a 747. I think a lot of parents think, as long as we've had the conversation, then this is, this is the best we can do. What data is out there, Jess, to show that delaying your exposure helps prevent the likelihood of substance use disorder?[00:10:56] Jessica: So first it's just important to remember that there are two periods of brain development that are the most important. They're just these massive periods of brain plasticity, and that's zero to two and puberty to around 25-ish, depending on the kid. So what we need to remember is that that development, that cognitive development that's going on, and that brain development that's going on from puberty to 25-ish, we don't fully understand all of it, it is massive. It's happening all over the brain. It's happening with lots of different centers. The executive function part of the brain, the upper brain is connecting to the lower brain, and anyway, that needs to happen as unimpeded as possible. What we do know is that the younger a kid is when they first initiate their substance use, the more likely they are to have substance use disorder during their lifetime.[00:11:46] So for example, if a kid starts in eighth grade, it approaches a 50% chance of developing substance use disorder over their lifetime. If they start in 10th grade, it goes down to around 20%, a little bit less than 20%. And if you can get them to 18, we get so darn close to 10%. It's important to delay, delay, delay. So that's one reason. Not only are we lowering their statistical risk of substance use disorder over their lifetime, and yes, there are some confounders in that data. There are confounders. I mean 90% of people who develop substance use as an adult report that they started before the age of 18.[00:12:26] And of course there are issues in there that we can't control for—the social determinants and all that kind of stuff. Families that have more alcohol around are gonna have kids that are more likely. So there's all of that as well. But this is what I'm dealing with in terms of the statistics.[00:12:42] Also remembering that the development, the longer a kid goes without ingesting anything that messes, whether it's with your dopamine cycle or fills up receptors in your brain that are, should otherwise have naturally occurring neurotransmitters in those receptors, because we're introducing them through drugs and alcohol. The brain just needs to develop as unimpeded as possible for as long as possible. So we're protecting their brains and we're lowering their risk of substance use disorder over their lifetime.[00:13:11] Dr. McBride: It makes sense in a lot of ways. The way I think about it is that the longer you give adolescent brains to ripen on the vine, and the longer you give kids who are dealing with a lot of complex thoughts, feelings and emotions and genetic predispositions, the more chance you give them to find and practice coping with hard thoughts and feelings. You just give them more opportunities to realize that they like drawing, they like being outside to play sports, they like laughing with their friends, they've realized who their intimate friendships are and where they can go to put a lot of thoughts and feelings instead of the default mode to alcohol, which for some kids, as we both know, is a occupational hazard for our kids who are in distress.[00:14:02] Jessica: And that's really apparent when you see what happens to a kid who has substance use disorder. They come to rehab. We remove the substance they're using as their coping mechanism. Suddenly you have kids with unresolved trauma. I mean so much. When we talk risk factors, you know, trauma is a big part of it.[00:14:21] So suddenly we have these kids that have been using this one and only coping mechanism for so long that they. Not only don't have coping mechanisms for that trauma, but they don't have coping mechanisms for interpersonal disputes, for just feeling anxious. All of their coping has been through using the substance instead of actually learning a real coping mechanism, which is why we often talk about kids in recovery as having been—in some ways not always—having had their development arrested at the age at which they started using the substance and. I don't agree with that fully, but what I do [00:15:00] know is that it does arrest their ability to learn prosocial behaviors, to learn coping mechanisms, to learn how to as we often hear from, for example, Dr. Dan Siegel, integrate their upper and lower brain, and figure out how to be slightly outside of their emotions as opposed to living completely inside of their emotion and reacting from their limbic system, from their lower brain and not engaging that upper sort of more rational part of their brain. Yeah, it's tough.[00:15:31] Dr. McBride: I just had Lisa Damour on my podcast.[00:15:33] Jessica: She's fantastic.[00:15:34] Dr. McBride: I love her too. And we talked, as you would imagine, about the rainbow of emotions that adolescents have and how complex they are and how they don't have necessarily in their teenage years, the vocabulary with which to discuss feelings. They don't have the interest always in talking about their feelings, and they don't even know they're having them sometimes.[00:15:55] I have this poster in my office. That's the periodic table of emotions. I have a version at home too. It's like the periodic table of the elements, but it's emotion. So instead of believing that we have happy, sad, mad, we have rage, we have jealousy, we have envy, we have fear, we have this whole rainbow.[00:16:19] So my kids tease me about it because they're like, oh my God, there's mom with the rainbow of emotions again. But then I see them when I'm not looking like my son and his girlfriend kind of being like, “hmm, I'm feeling kind of vulnerable today.” So what is my point? That it is a natural human instinct, whether you're a teenager or an adult who's experiencing complex emotions that are uncomfortable and maybe not even named to seek out places and ways to soothe, and I think adults do this. This is why I have a job. But teenagers, without the vocabulary, without the tools, without the insight that you are helping them grow and that I see older teenagers myself, it can be a very complex landscape and they're… Alcohol in our culture is socially acceptable and legal, and so it seems natural that they would experiment with it, and then you're off to the races.[00:17:11] If you have a kid who all of a sudden feels, wait a minute, my social anxiety has been quieted, my uncomfortable thought has been muted, my fear is less loud. And they don't even necessarily articulate it that way, but it makes so much sense that this is an occupational hazard of being an adolescent.[00:17:29] Jessica: Yeah, there's definitely a camp—in any field there are camps—these little camps of people who believe various things. And there's the trauma camp, that substance use disorder response to trauma. There's also the developmental camp, and I think that's really important. I think the reason that I and you and Lisa love adolescents so much is because, we tend to have a deeper understanding of how their brains work, which is why I tell parents that the more you understand about your adolescent's brain, the better you can be at stepping back and not just reacting to some of the buttons that are being pushed.[00:18:06] And I think that whenever I—in fact, I tell parents, whenever you're most frustrated with your teenagers, just look between their eyes at that spot, right between their eyes. And remember, that's the part of the brain that's not fully connected yet, and that what they're doing in terms of their adolescence is designed to make kids want to push out and to individuate, but also to try new things.[00:18:30] What's so cool about that? In trying new things in seeking out novelty and yes, sometimes novelty comes with risk. When they succeed at those things that they're trying out, when they build new skills, they're actually boosting their dopamine and boosting dopamine through… Kids are constantly craving dopamine. They want, we all want to feel good, we all want to have that feeling of mastery, inhalation, and all that sort of stuff. But if we want our kids to seek that out in healthy ways and healthy places, we can push them towards positive risk on to skill building and building competence, and then they can sort of get that dopamine cycle going in productive ways.[00:19:13] But I think the minute that you just sort of shut down and say teenagers are difficult, they're moody. I heard one time on a podcast on—it might have even been This American Life—it was definitely on NPR a long time ago when I was a middle school teacher, I heard a middle school teacher say, sometimes I let myself just think that we should send these kids away to some holding place until they're ready to listen and able to learn again.[00:19:43] And it makes me bananas because the exact opposite is true, that for people that really love and appreciate and understand adolescence and especially early adolescence, the more we understand what an incredible opportunity there is for learning, and how much learning is actually going on during that period, and enjoy it more, the more we understand it, the more we have the potential to enjoy it.[00:20:08] Dr. McBride: So talk to me about what do you see as a major differences between the adolescent brain and the fully formed adult brain as it pertains to substance use disorder and dopamine, et cetera.[00:20:21] Jessica: Yeah, so I rely heavily on the Dan Siegels and the Frances Jensens and the Laurence Steinberg's to help me see—as Laurence Steinberg refers to—adolescence as an age of opportunity. And I love that because so many other people are talking about this a terrible time, but what you have to understand about the adolescent brain, and varying people describe it in varying ways, but there's sort of a mismatch between the part of the brain, the early developing part of the brain, the lower brain, the reacting part of the brain that is just like, you know, go, go, go, emotions, emotions, emotions and the part of the brain that's still getting connected that handles executive function and prioritizing of resources and time and all that stuff. And that mismatch seems to persist until just about the time that we want to freak out and give up on them. And then suddenly, and it's so cool being a teacher because you get to bear witness to these moments, and eighth grade is a great time for this. [00:21:20] For example, I taught English, and so I taught a lot of literature that had metaphor and symbolism in it, and many middle school kids, not because they're dumb, not because they're smart, not because they're lacking anything, can't understand metaphor in a way that some, maybe some of their classmates can. But you don't stop talking about it just because they don't understand it yet. You just keep offering it. You just keep offering it in ways that are obvious so that the day that those neurons connect, you can see their eyes just go wide and they go, “oh. That's what she's been talking about.” And that same thing can happen with strategies for organization.[00:22:03] I talk in the Gift of Failure about when my daughter finally connected this strategy for helping her remember things and actually remembering things and being able to go to school with her stuff. And had we been arguing about it for months? Oh yeah, of course. But it wasn't until for whatever reason, those neurons finally, finally decided to connect.[00:22:26] And there have been times as a middle school advisor where, you know, I had a family once beg me to be their kid's middle school advisor, because I had been his brother's middle school advisor and his brother had made leaps and bounds during middle school. And I'm like, that's really sweet that you wanna attribute any of that to me and being his advisor. But it's just that his lower brain and his upper brain finally connected, and I was lucky enough to be there when it happened and capitalize on some of those moments. And that's what's amazing to know about the adolescent brain is that all of these things that we're being asked, we're asking them to do that they may not be ready for.[00:23:03] All of that creates stress, anxiety, a need for some kind of control over their world, and if we give them the autonomy and we give them the competence that they need, what ends up happening in their brain is they feel this, as I mentioned, the dopamine cycle lets them have this great burst of dopamine. If you wanna read more about that, please read Anna Lembke's Dopamine Nation.[00:23:26] It's such a fantastic book. And on the other side, the less kids get to feel that feeling of self-efficacy, of competence, of skill building, the more helpless they feel, the lower their feelings of self-efficacy become, and the more they turn to things other than their own abilities in order to help themselves cope. And it's the reason I quote Chris Herren. Chris Herren, former Boston Celtic, ended up addicted to opiates. It's a fantastic story. Basketball junkie, if you ever wanna read it. And he goes out and speaks to kids a lot and he, I quote him in the addiction inoculation as talking about the fact that we tend to spend so much time talking about the last day of substance use.[00:24:07] How far we fell, how disgusting it was on my mom's birthday on June 7th, 2013, and how ugly it got. But what we need to be talking about, especially when it comes to kids, is the first day, and he talks about that moment when a kid is at a party in a friend's basement, and why they don't feel like they are enough. They deserve to be loved. They don't deserve to take up space. They don't deserve to be here. What is it that makes them turn to substances? And I'm really lucky in that I get to talk to a lot of kids and hear what those moments sound like for them. And we need to help them feel like they're enough in those moments so they don't have to turn to something else.[00:24:49] Dr. McBride: I wanna break that down and I first wanna just comment that. You know, I think a lot of substance abuse programs in schools focus on this on the last day, right? Like, they focus, they, they bring people in and try to scare the pants off of kids. They show images of drunk driving accidents and kids are supposed to go away thinking, “oh, I don't wanna be in a car accident. I don't wanna die.” But in my experience with teenagers, myself, as a physician and as a mother, that doesn't really work. And then we know the data are clear that scaring people doesn't work. We have to meet people where they are. And it's clear that, as you talk about so beautifully, the roots of a healthy program to educate kids and on substance use is social emotional learning. So can you talk a bit about that and how that relates to the prevention as individual parents who may be listening?[00:25:45] Jessica: Yeah, so backing up, for example, in this country, only 57% of high schools in this country, and by the way, high school is too late to be starting this. Anyway, we need to be starting these programs very, very young, and I talk about that in Addiction Inoculation. Only 57% of high schools in this country have any substance use prevention program.[00:26:02] And of that 57%, only 10% are based on evidence. On any kind of evidence of efficacy, that kind of stuff. So what we know about the best available substance use prevention programs is that they start very young, pre-k, k, and continue all the way through the end of high school. They are rooted in social emotional learning, refusal skills, building self-efficacy and self-advocacy, and essentially giving kids from a very early age, pro-social skills and coping skills, coping mechanisms.[00:26:37] It's the reason that some have mindfulness programs attached to them and unfortunately, we're in this horrible position right now where we know these programs work. Oh, and also life skills, by the way. Life skills are a very important part of these programs as well. We know that social-emotional programs that contain health modules—making sure your bodily autonomy and safety and self-advocacy and stuff like that. We know those work. And yet, right now, For the first time ever, social-emotional learning is under attack because there's a faction of society that sees social-emotional learning as something that it's absolutely not, which is either indoctrination or identity and whatever. And it's really, really upsetting to me because without social emotional learning programs, which are just about building pro-social skills and skills that help us be a part of society and get along with other people and advocate for ourselves and all of this stuff that we know is so important.[00:27:36] Ask kindergarten teachers, they repeatedly say those are the skills that if you were to look at kids and say, okay, that kid is probably gonna do really well, and that kid probably is not. It all comes down to pro-social skills and behaviors. If we do away with social emotional learning, there have been places I have spoken where I've been asked not to use that acronym because it's quote “problematic.” This is a disaster because this is what we know works for substance use prevention programs, and we abolish that at our peril. Any gains we've made in the reduction in substance use among adolescents, we're going to lose.[00:28:15] Dr. McBride: I could not agree with you more. I mean, social emotional learning to me is about giving yourself permission to be human, to be flawed, and to have bodily autonomy, and as you said, the refusal skills and the ability to learn how to cope and function in the real world. [00:28:34] Jessica: Self-regulation, collaboration. Well, and then if you look at risk factors for substance use disorder, we know that 50 to 60% of the risk lies in genetics. That's Dr. Mark Shook at the University of California, San Diego. We know that the other 40 to 50% is adverse childhood experiences, trauma, stuff like that, and then set.[00:28:53] And of course, the social emotional learning stuff can help kids with that. But then on the other hand, we also know that child on child aggression, academic failure, social ostracism, undiagnosed learning issues, all of these other things are risk factors as well. And if social emotional learning programs help with so many of the things that can counteract social ostracism and help identify academic failure early on and can help reduce aggression between children. This is such an important part of the substance use prevention picture, and because we also know that self-efficacy is one of the most important things we can give kids and self-efficacy comes from the ability to self-advocate and self-regulate. It's all this self-perpetuating cycle that if we throw a wrench in there, sorry to mix metaphors, that we, this whole thing grinds to a halt and we have a whole bunch of kids who not only can't get along with other people, but don't have any coping mechanisms within themselves to manage their own stress. All that stuff Lisa Damur talks about with girls and Yeah.[00:29:58] Dr. McBride: When I was growing up, it was just say no. That was the mantra.[00:30:01] Jessica: And we know that doesn't work[00:30:02] Dr. McBride: and it would be really easy to say no if you had the social wherewithal, the confidence, the emotional skillset to manage that moment when a kid asks you if you want a beer and you're an eighth grader…[00:30:14] Jessica: Well, and that's not even enough. That's not even enough. So what we need are, they're ultimately called refusal skills. I sometimes call them refusal skills. I call them in Addiction Inoculation—the inoculation. There's a school of sociology called Inoculation Theory. It's essentially if we give kids the information they need in order to counteract messaging that's coming from other places, whether that's from liquor companies advertising beer to kids during sports, or another kid in their class. So let's say for example, you have an eighth grader who gets offered a beer. And the rejoinder to “no thanks” is, “come on. It's no big deal. Everybody's doing it.” If your eighth grader knows, well, it is kind of a big deal because here's what's happening in my brain and, and blah, blah, blah, and they know that it's not true that everybody's doing it. That in eighth grade, by the end of eighth grade, only 24.7% of eighth graders admit to having had more than a sip of alcohol.[00:31:16] So if they have that information, it makes them feel more confident in their stance and makes them more likely to continue to stick with their rejoinder of, “no thanks. I'm good.” And that those refusal skills, that inoculation messaging is so important and we have to start that early and continue it through.[00:31:37] So it's not just about the wherewithal, the emotional wherewithal to say, no, we need to give them the actual information to back that up so that they can feel more confident in their stance and they can have a reasoning behind their stance. And it's the reason, by the way, that of the entire book. There's a lot of things I loved about writing this book, but my favorite part, I didn't necessarily write. I asked adolescents to give me excuses they could use in public at a party or whatever that would help them save face and yet allow them to get out of using if they didn't want to. And there's two and a half pages of those in the book, and I'm so grateful to all of the kids that sent those to me because so many of them are brilliant and I wouldn't have come up with them on my own.[00:32:21] Dr. McBride: Give me some examples. I'd love to hear, and for any parent who's listening, I would love to like have you flip to that page because if we can arm our kids with like just the words to use and ideas, then that would be great.[00:32:36] Jessica: they are things like, “I can't, I get migraines” because we know that, for example, wine, alcohol is a trigger for migraines. “I can't, I have a sleep disorder.” We also know that alcohol is a major component of sleep disorders—it exacerbates sleep disorders. “I can't. I'm taking an antibiotic.” “I can't. My parents drug test me. Aren't they horrible?!” or “I can't, my mom breathalyzes me when I get home.” or even just in their own head. My son, who's now 24, when he was in high school, he admitted to me that while he doesn't say this out loud in his own brain, he's like, “I know that I'm at increased risk for substance use disorder, and my mom had to work so hard to get away from the pit of despair that she reached in her alcoholism. I think I'm just gonna not risk that for now,” or “I have an early practice. I can't.” “I'm the designated driver,” which by the way, makes you more popular with other people because you can help them get home safely and not get in trouble and not get pulled over. There's all kinds of things that we don't even think about.[00:33:42] A lot of Asians have something that's like a flushing disorder that is actually, it's sort of a… it's not really an allergy to alcohol, but it is something that makes drinking alcohol quite unpleasant. So you can go with that. There are a few studies, there's all kinds of ways that you can get at this.[00:33:59] It's just not the best thing for me right now. And I think the big overlooked answer is, “nah, that's okay. I'm good.” No is always an acceptable answer. And even in in sobriety, I have to value my sobriety and my safety more than maybe the worrying about upsetting my host, if I need to go home early from a dinner party where I'm just not feeling safe anymore and my husband and I have a signal and we've got all kinds of exit strategies and stuff like that, but helping kids know that they're worth it, that they are allowed to say no and that, obviously we have to make sure they know that in terms of unwanted touching and having sex before they're ready, all of that kind of stuff, we have to sort of empower them, give them the self-efficacy they need in order to feel like they're entitled to say no to whatever the heck they want to if it feels like it's going to endanger their safety.[00:34:56] Dr. McBride: And I do think kids these days are feeling more empowered to say how they feel to put limits down, to set boundaries. But of course, without the vocabulary and tools and the social support and the emotional vocabulary, it can be more difficult.[00:35:11] Jessica: Yeah. And that why that's part of the dovetail also with Gift of Failure, is that we know that parents who are highly controlling of their children tend to have kids that lie to them more often, and also that don't feel heard because if you are from that school of thought of do it because I said so or because I'm the parent without attaching any of the why to it, then it's like the difference between saying, I would prefer that you not drink until 21 because it's the law versus I would prefer that you not drink until you're 21 because of the potential damage it can do to your brain and because it can raise your risk of, of substance use disorder over your lifetime.[00:35:48] I'm a why kind of person. I need to know the why. Otherwise, I am not invested as a learner and many kids are the same way. Just telling them, because I said so doesn't tend to be a winning strategy.[00:36:02] Dr. McBride: To what extent are parents, quote unquote, “responsible” for their kids' relationship with alcohol? I'd love to talk to you about genetics versus experiences. The whole trauma argument that…I'm sure you know Gabor Mate and his system, I mean, he's wonderful. I also take a little bit of an issue with the idea that it's all rooted in trauma. I also believe on the other side that trauma is a, is a big word and can mean lots of different things. Feeling unloved and unsafe in your home for whatever reason can be traumatic. It's not just the. Experience of say, you know, breaking your leg and being ambulanced to the hospital. It can be an uncomfortable experience.[00:36:54] It's the way that experience is handled from the individual standpoint, and that can then lead to a predisposition towards unhealthy coping strategies. So talk to me about what parents are responsible for. How much is genetic and how much is environmental, because I don't think we know the answer, but I'd love your thoughts.[00:37:17] Jessica: Yeah, so like I said, the, the figure we have on the genetics is about 50 to 60%, but then you add on top of that this added layer called epigenetics, which is a crossover between environment and genetics. Also it's not just one gene. We're not gonna ever have this CRISPR technology where we're like, oh, we can flick that one gene out. Look. And addiction is gone. It's not like that. It's tied into personality, it's tied into chemistry. It's tied into so many different aspects of our environment. And again, epigenetics determines how genes either do turn on or don't turn on, that kind of thing. So then on top of that,  the other 40 to 50% is yes trauma.[00:37:56] Jessica: But there's all different kinds of trauma. If you read Lisa Damour's Under Pressure, you understand the difference between stress, like there's little T trauma and there's Big T trauma. I think everyone on the planet should have to read Nadine Burke Harris's The Deepest Well, because average childhood experiences as originally defined by the CDC and Kaiser Permanente are really valuable, right?[00:38:21] Because we know that people who have. People are more likely to have negative life outcomes in terms of health, mental health, all kinds of other stuff. If they've had various adverse childhood experiences and there's a really handy list, go google Adverse Childhood Experience and Quiz, and you can take the quiz yourself.[00:38:38] However, it is not a complete list. The things that are on that quiz are a great starting place. For example, we know that physical and especially sexual abuse is a huge, huge glaring blinking neon sign risk for eventual substance use disorder. That's a huge, massive risk. So the adverse childhood experiences list of 10 things within categories comes close, but then there's also… it doesn't take into account Nadine Burke Harris's list, which can include things like systemic racism. Why on earth are we not counting that as a big T trauma because it absolutely is. There's a lot of debate right now around adoption, around all kinds of things that qualify as—can qualify as traumatic experiences for kids.[00:39:24] So, and you should know about me that anytime someone says it is, All this or all that, I'm immediately suspicious as a journalist[00:39:35] Dr. McBride: Well, I'm the same way. I mean, that's, that's it. I mean, everything is in the middle. It's not all nature. It's not all nurture. It's in the middle.[00:39:40] Jessica: Well, and that's why, you know, there's an entire chapter essentially. What if I were to write about the peers chapter, you know, why did I include a chapter on the influence of peers in the book?[00:39:49] Why bother? Because I could have just said, research shows that the more your kid's friends use drugs and alcohol, the more likely your kid is to use drugs and alcohol. Okay? Chapter over. But the problem is, it is a much more nuanced picture than that. And I tell the story in that chapter of. My son Ben had a friend who, Brian, that's his real name.[00:40:08] He was insistent—the two young adults I profile in the book, Brian, and Georgia insisted that I use their real names because they felt this was just too important. Brian and Ben became friends. Brian had been already kicked out of one high school, then got kicked outta my son's high school for substance use and behavioral stuff and my, my kids stuck by him and all their friends stuck by him and I'm like, look, my instinct as a parent is you cannot be friends with this kid because if he does substances, you are more likely to do substances. In the end, that relationship was much more complicated and the fact that my son, Ben, and his friends stuck by Brian actually led to the moment where Brian realized on the second time he got kicked out of that high school and my son and his friends took him running on the last day, he was allowed to be on campus. Brian realized in that moment that was his turning point. That was his 100th piece of his puzzle where he said, it all has clicked into place and I see what I stand to lose, and my son benefited from the object lesson. The real scared, straight sort of object lesson, real life learned experience of, oh, this is what happens when you rely on substances in order to manage these other things. [00:41:26] And here let's talk about those things. And PS the best part of that whole relationship was I said to my son, “Ben, look. I'm so pleased you want to support him and go visit him in rehab and all that stuff. Loyalty is great and a friendship, but if you're going to be friends with Ben, knowing what I know about the statistics, we're gonna have to talk about this a lot.”[00:41:47] And that was something that became a standard conversation topic for us. How's Brian doing? How are you doing about Brian's… how do you think Brian's doing? How do you think…what are you seeing that works for Brian and what doesn't work for Brian? It gave us a proxy so that my son didn't have to talk about himself as much, which can be very difficult for teenagers. But it allowed us this proxy to talk about substance use and substance use disorder in the guise of Brian and gave Brian a launching off place for his, what became his recovery.[00:42:19] Dr. McBride: It's so lovely and I really like the way you talk about Georgia and Brian in your videos and in your book, because it just helps parents, I think, hook into the realities of these kids' lives with empathy and compassion for their stories and great respect for their privacy. Obviously, that the fact that they wanted to share their stories means that they feel that this needs to be talked about more than it is.[00:42:45] Jessica: Yeah, I can't count the number of times. I was like, no, really, let's do a pseudonym. You can choose the pseudonym. And even recently with Brian, I had to get in touch with Brian about something and I wanted to make sure that they were making that decision from a place—and they were [00:43:00] adults when they made this decision—but that they were truly making this decision from the perspective of, you know, I appreciate that. A lot of people have shame and guilt in that. There may be some persecution that I could face maybe in the workplace later if this got out, that this was me, but this is too important. It has brought some value out of everything I went through as a kid, as a child of an alcoholic, everything I went through as an alcoholic.[00:43:25] And this education might help someone else. And I think that's really where Brian and Georgia are coming from, from this. And I talked to Georgia last week, talked to Brian two weeks ago, and yeah, they're doing great. They're doing so well.[00:43:39] Dr. McBride: It's incredible. I'd love to now segue into talking more about you if I could because you are talking the talk and walking the walk. So had you tried to get sober in your life before that moment at your mother's birthday party?[00:43:56] Jessica: I've had periods of sobriety because I was scared. Like, you know, I did that, I did that thing a lot of sober curious people do, and to make it clear, I'm so hopeful about where we are right now because I think a lot of people are realizing you don't have to rise to the level of completely out of control, homeless, DUI, all that stuff, getting fired from work. You can say to yourself, “man, I'm gonna try dry January and just see how it goes.” And then you realize, oh wow, this kind of feels better. And so I'm gonna keep going. You can stop drinking just because it's not working for you anyway. I was scared to death.[00:44:30] I tried through the guise of long distance running like I used, running as a reason to stay sober, to not drink, and I would make all kinds of bargains with myself. When I was pregnant, I was sober. When I was training for big races, I was sober, but it just was starting to take over to a degree that I couldn't control it anymore on my own. And so the reason I talk about getting to a place where I know I needed help as a 100 piece puzzle is, you know, my dad on that morning, after my mom's birthday party was my 100th piece. But pieces one through 99 had to be there for all of that to click into place and form a big picture.[00:45:13] And those early attempts at sobriety were pieces of that. And the beauty of all of this puzzle piece stuff is that I can't guarantee that my kids are not gonna develop substance use disorder, but all of this prevention stuff are pieces of that puzzle. So maybe they get to start at piece 65, where I started at piece 32.[00:45:34] It builds those blocks. So I was able to get sober. I happened to get sober in 12 step and. There are lots of ways to get and stay sober. I happen to get sober in 12 Step, and my higher power is the people in those rooms and the people I work with at the rehab where I work now. I work as a prevention coach and sort of a recovery resource at Santa at Stowe.[00:45:58] It's a recovery in Stowe, Vermont. It's medical detox and recovery, and they are my higher power. I can't show up for them. Unless I'm sober, I can't go do my speaking engagements. I can't do my daily videos unless I show up sober because then I'm being completely inauthentic and I would be hungover and miserable.[00:46:18] But all of my stuff has been partially in service to getting control of my life back and being the parent that I know I need to be in order to raise two kids who might break the cycle of this. [00:46:36] Dr. McBride: What I'm hearing from you is that. Your sobriety is rooted in the 12 steps. It's also rooted in the ongoing process of helping other people, which is one of the tenets of AA is passing on your knowledge and wisdom to other people and, and making meaning out of an experience, and I think you really are making a difference.[00:46:55] I see people reading your book. I hear p people reading your book. I've had my kids listen to your videos, and not that they necessarily wanted to, but I have heard some good feedback because I think what happens when we talk about alcohol to adolescents is it often comes across as a parent as just a, a moralistic, judgmental, do as I say, conversation[00:47:22] Jessica: And not necessarily do as I do, because if…[00:47:25] Dr. McBride: not necessarily right. And then we go, poor gin and tonic. And they're like, Hmm. It's funny, one of my most popular posts on substack, like by a mile was the post I wrote called “Is Dry January a good idea? And I put it out on January one.[00:47:40] And I mean, the answer to the question in my mind was probably what you wouldn't be surprised to hear, which is that sure. It's only though scratching the surface of the curiosity and compassion and empathy we need to have about ourselves and about the why, because you can put a fence around a behavior for 30 days, 31, I guess, in January, and then on February 1 you can go to the pub and get plastered or just start drinking again.[00:48:07] The question isn't, can you give it up because you can…[00:48:10] Jessica: I gave it up for a year.[00:48:12] Dr. McBride: And for some people that's very hard, but the harder question is mining that interior landscape that is driving you to drink when you don't want to, if you're remorseful the next day, [and] you wish you hadn't done it. That is hard work, and it's much easier to put a fence around it for 31 days. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying do it and get curious.[00:48:34] Jessica: One of my favorite speaking gigs is, and don't hate me for this, but every six months or so I'm at Canyon Ranch, either in Tucson or Lennox, Massachusetts, and they put me up and give me a discount on spa stuff for me and my plus one, and I do my talks. But the cool thing about Canyon Ranch is that there's no alcohol served there.[00:48:55] And some people bring their own because they just can't be without it for a couple days. But there are plenty of people who go there and realize that they hadn't anticipated how difficult it was going to be for them to not have it there as an option. And, and then every—because Canyon Ranch was founded by someone for whom recovery is part of their story—there is a meeting there every single day at five and the people that often, and I often run those meetings and the people that show up at those meetings are often people who are like, “I don't really know why I'm here. All I know is it really bums me out that there's no alcohol here and I don't know what that's about.”[00:49:29] So, you know, it's a[00:49:31] Dr. McBride: great starting point.[00:49:32] Jessica: Well, and also a lot of people are there either by themselves or with a spouse and don't know anyone else there. So they feel like it's a super safe place to go to a first meeting anyway. Either way, it's a really cool place to get to do the kind of stuff that I do. Because it's opening the door for them in a way that maybe they hadn't anticipated.[00:49:51] Dr. McBride: Yeah, I mean it's self-discovery. I think about health as not an outcome, but a process of laddering up from self-awareness to acceptance to agency. I mean, the serenity prayer… I'm not in recovery, but people ask me if I am all the time. I mean from alcohol, I'm, I'm in recovery from other s**t that I do, but because I really understand and believe in the concept of the Serenity Prayer, which is accepting the things we cannot control, which is a lot, knowing ideally what we can control, and then understanding the difference and not spending so much time over here and shifting our energy and attention and curiosity to this spot.[00:50:31] Jessica: You want to hear something ridiculous? This is so interesting. So two things. When the book first came out, it was first getting its reviews and stuff like that. I got one review where it said very specifically that I parroted AA stuff. So first of all, I did not use anything AA in the entire book except in one spot.[00:50:52] I said, this is where something, for example, like the Serenity Prayer has been useful for me, and this is the restraints that we're dealing with when we talk about this stuff. Like that's why don't talk about AA because it is, the minute I refer to that, that is the only thing someone will hear. And then I'm just stuck.[00:51:11] Dr. McBride: And they associate it with, oh, AA that's like my crazy Uncle Sal. I just drink a gin and tonic every night. What's it to you? So I think that your approach that is honest, empathetic, rooted in data, and that stems from your own experience of being perfectly imperfect is really valuable. And so I just want to say thank you for being here and thank you for doing what you're doing and God speed.[00:51:38] Jessica: I am so grateful to you for just having this conversation. Every single time I have this conversation with someone, I get an email or a DM from someone saying, you know what? I'm scared too, and I don't know what to do. Or, I'm scared for my friend and I need to know how to help them. And so, you know, the more we talk about this, the more other people are gonna feel like they're allowed to talk about it too.[00:52:02] Dr. McBride: Thank you all for listening to Beyond the Prescription. Please don't forget to subscribe, like, download and share the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you catch your podcasts. I'd be thrilled if you like this episode to rate and review it. And if you have a comment or question, please drop us a line at info@lucymcbride.com. [00:52:24] The views expressed on this show are entirely my own and do not constitute medical advice for an individual. That should be obtained from your personal physician. Get full access to Are You Okay? at lucymcbride.substack.com/subscribe

Jessica Lahey has been surrounded by addiction her whole life. As a person now in long-term recovery, she grew up around alcoholism, came to her own reckoning with dinking, has taught every grade from 6-12, worked with adolescents in residential treatment, and written two New York Times best-selling books, The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. Jessica's books are a gift to parents looking for ways to set their kids up for the best possible outcome regarding substances and the ability to navigate life independently as they progress through high school and their young adulthood.You'll hear how Jessica went from being adamantly against substance use to realizing she had a serious drinking problem, why she wants parents to focus on progress, not product, why allowing our kids to struggle truly is a gift, and explains the data behind the mantra, “delay, delay, delay.”It's appointment listening, even if your child is already down the path of misusing substances. You'll gain so much from this frank and encouraging conversation.The podcast is now part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community: www.hopestreamcommunity.orgLearn about The Stream, our private online community for moms, at www.thestreamcommunity.comWe now have a new community for dads parenting a child who struggles with substance use and mental health; The Woods: members.thewoodscommunity.orgFind us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunityDownload my free e-book, HINDSIGHT: Three Things I Wish I Knew When My Son Was Misusing Drugs: www.brendazane.com/hindsightJoin my email list: www.brendazane.com/email

Cathy & Todd talk with author and educator Jessica Lahey about her book The Addiction Inoculation and the importance of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) when it comes to substance-use disorders, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence and regulation. They discuss the risk factors surrounding addiction and how genetics and culture play a role. Jessica shares what kids most need to hear from us and how we can create conversations about alcohol use, abuse, and the myths that don't hold up to research.

Cathy & Todd talk with author and educator Jessica Lahey about her book The Addiction Inoculation and the importance of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) when it comes to substance-use disorders, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence and regulation. They discuss the risk factors surrounding addiction and how genetics and culture play a role. Jessica shares what kids most need to hear from us and how we can create conversations about alcohol use, abuse, and the myths that don't hold up to research.

Cathy & Todd talk with author and educator Jessica Lahey about her book The Addiction Inoculation and the importance of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) when it comes to substance-use disorders, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence and regulation. They discuss the risk factors surrounding addiction and how genetics and culture play a role. Jessica shares what kids most need to hear from us and how we can create conversations about alcohol use, abuse, and the myths that don't hold up to research.

***Mature content warning. Not recommended for young ears.****In this week's COR Parenting Conversation, Caley is joined by New York Times bestselling author, Jessica Lahey, as she discusses the tricky conversation around alcohol. Whether you're a parent navigating life in a culture where substance use is prevalent OR a parent who is breaking cycles around substance abuse, this is a MUST LISTEN. For more about Jessica's books, The Gift Of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation, head to: https://www.jessicalahey.com/booksTo learn about Caley's COR Community, visit https://www.caleykukla.com/cor.

Do all kids drink alcohol before they graduate high school? Is this a thing? Today we are breaking down the youth and parent perceptions and norms around underage drinking with Beth Bruton from Holcomb Behavioral Health Systems. We discuss all the surrounding variables that influence youth's perception of alcohol including social media, peer influence, and family modeling. We also talk about how although some parents may serve alcohol to their kids with best intentions of teaching them to be responsible, studies show that kids that are given alcohol at home underage are more likely to drink more often and larger amounts–but most parents don't know this–we don't know what we don't know. Beth gave great tips on ways to talk to your kids about underage drinking and how to set up strategies to give your kids an out if they are in a risky situation. She also provided ways to talk to other parents that may or may not know the risks of underage drinking and how to share this information. We loved this conversation with Beth and hope you will join us!   Things we mentioned in this episode:   We referenced data from the PAYS 2021 Report   CTC PAYS Data on Alcohol Infographic    We mentioned a previous episode with Carl Gregory explaining the importance of unconditional love   We mentioned a previous episode with Corporal Gathercole from Upper Uwchlan Police Dept.   Chrissie mentioned Jessica Lahey and her Instagram Reels series with main points from her book The Addiction Inoculation    Holcomb has implemented MADD's Power of Parents initiative which has many great resources for parents to talk to their kids about underage drinking   Holcomb Behavioral Health Systems is a leader in providing services and supports for people with mental health, substance abuse, and developmental disabilities. The Chester County Holcomb Prevention department is located at the Holcomb corporate office in Exton, PA. Beth Bruton is the Prevention Manager and you can email her with any questions or comments at elizabeth.bruton@chimes.org  CTC is launching Parent to Parent Peer Support Groups to provide a safe space for parents to get advice and support from other parents. Learn more about these groups and when they meet!   Join us at our Second Annual Snowball Shuffle 5k Run/1 Mile Walk on March 4th at Eagleview Town Center at 9am.   You can now follow Chrissie on Instagram @ctc_chrissie or on Facebook /@Chrissie.CTC for info from each episode, Parent to Parent blog updates, and other parent resources. You can also email Chrissie at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org We would love to hear from you!   Communities that Care has a Parent to Parent Blog and many online resources. Please follow us on socials for more tips, resources and support!: Instagram @downingtownctc  Facebook @DowningtownAreaCTC  Twitter @DowningtownCTC  YouTube LinkedIn Be sure to Subscribe/Follow us to get new episodes every other Tuesday.    Find the episode webpage and previous episodes HERE. 

Alcohol is a pervasive part of many of our lives, but have you ever questioned your relationship with alcohol? Taking an honest look at the way we use alcohol can be a powerful tool in identifying our motivations behind drinking, allowing us to make more conscious decisions and better manage our consumption.  Therapist, Author, and Founder of Therapy for Women, Amanda E. White is determined to challenge the traditional “black-and-white” outlook on “alcoholism” by encouraging people to unlock a deeper understanding of their relationship with alcohol.  Exploring practices from Amanda's books Not Drinking Tonight, A Guide to Creating A Sober Life and Not Drinking Tonight: The Workbook: A Clinician's Guide to Helping Clients Examine Their Relationship with Alcohol, we examine how to identify the purpose alcohol serves in your life and how to use this knowledge to recognize patterns of unhealthy behavior, develop boundaries and create a healthier lifestyle.  Listen and Learn:  Amanda's own journey with alcohol  Why people don't have the language to explore their relationship with alcohol Why Amanda's books are geared toward people who don't necessarily meet the criteria for an alcohol use disorder Why the black-and-white mentality of alcohol is problematic What makes us feel obligated to give the right reason for not drinking alcohol How therapists can examine the issue of alcohol use with their own patients Why do emotional relationships with alcohol make it increasingly harder to cut ties  Why Amanda coined the term ‘disordered drinking' How mindfulness practices can be helpful for people who want to change their drinking habits The importance of self-care in cutting down or quitting drinking  What to do if we think a loved one's relationship with alcohol is problematic, but they don't agree or they don't see it Resources:  Learn more about Amanda and her work here: https://amandaewhite.com/ If you are looking for modern approaches to therapy, visit Therapy for Women: https://therapyforwomencenter.com/  You can buy both of Amanda's books here: Not Drinking Tonight, A Guide to Creating A Sober Life: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780306925856 and Not Drinking Tonight: The Workbook: A Clinician's Guide to Helping Clients Examine Their Relationship with Alcohol: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781683735519 Follow Amanda on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therapyforwomen/ About Amanda E. White  Amanda E. White is a licensed therapist and the creator of the popular Instagram account @therapyforwomen. She is the author of the book “Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating A Sober Life You Love,” and the corresponding workbook by the same title. She is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice, Therapy for Women Center, based in Philadelphia serving clients across the country. In her clinical work, she specializes in substance use disorders. People are drawn to Amanda's unique expertise, accessible approach to healing and mental health. She has been featured in notable publications such as Forbes, Washington Post, Self, Shape, Women's Health Magazine, and more.   Related Episodes: 27. Alcohol and the Brain with Lara Ray 43. Willpower With Kelly McGonigal 66. Helping People Change Using Motivational Interviewing With Nadine Mastroleo 202. The Addiction Inoculation with Jess Lahey 215. How to Change with Katy Milkman 233. Dopamine Nation with Anna Lembke 235. The Urge: The Shaping of Addiction & Mental Health with Carl Erik Fisher 243. Motivation to Get it Done with Ayelet Fishbach Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of the hardest and scariest parts of parenting is learning how to navigate substance abuse and dependency within our kids.   Of course we don't want our kids to use drugs or alcohol- and we know we can't control them.    So in a society with rising dependency on harmful substances, how can we help our children stay safe and make conscious choices?   Joining me for this conversation is Jessica Lahey, the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence.    We talk about: [3:05] How Jessica came to write her new book [5:50] Using authoritative parenting styles to help kids not develop substance abuse problems [12:20] The important role connection to parents plays in kids growing up [15:30] Jessica's perspective on giving children alcohol at home [20:35] Where the ‘inoculation' theory comes from [29:05] Risk factors for teens [34:35] How to handle if your kids ask if you've done drugs or alcohol [39:35] The dopamine risk  [44:20] Post-pandemic statistics on drug and alcohol abuse [46:05] How Jessica chose to raise her kids differently  [48:20] Jessica's advice to her younger parent self   Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont, and serves as a prevention and recovery coach at Sana, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times.    She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont.   Resources mentioned in this episode: Free ‘How to Stop Yelling' Course: www.sarahrosensweet.com/yelling  Purchase Jessica's books here: https://www.jessicalahey.com/books   Connect with Jessica Lahey On YouTube On Twitter On LinkedIn On Facebook https://www.jessicalahey.com/   Connect with Sarah Rosensweet   On Instagram On Facebook https://www.sarahrosensweet.com  Book a short consult or coaching session call

Hey #AmWriters! Jess here. I recorded a bunch of videos to answer all of your questions about creating video for book marketing but in the end, I figured an entire episode needed to happen in order to really get into the topic. I started creating daily videos based on the content in The Addiction Inoculation because I wanted to the information out there, and if it sold some books or rustled up some speaking invitations, great. At the time I'm writing these show notes, I'm 63 videos deep, and yes, it's a massive time suck. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of patience through plenty of mistakes but the experience has been a net gain for me overall in terms of education and exposure. I hope this flattens the learning curve for you, and please report back in the #AmWriting Facebook group if you have anything to add or advice to offer! Links The #AmWriting Facebook GroupJess on InstagramJess on TikTokJess on TwitterListeners, the team at Author Accelerator knows that all kinds of people can make good book coaches. It's not necessarily people who have had massive success as writers themselves. It's not necessarily people who have secured agents, book deals, degrees, or awards.It's people who really could spend all day talking about books, who get excited by the idea of lifting up other writers, and who are ready to back up their passion for writing with skills, training, and hard work.If that might be you, join the Author Accelerator team for two days of exploration on November 30 and December 1, 2022, to find out if 2023 will be the year you launch a book coaching business or level up the one you already have. Head to bookcoaches.com/dreamjob to learn more. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

Today I am chatting with Celeste Yvonne of The Ultimate Mom Challenge! Celeste had always dreamed of being a mom, but when she finally became one something seemed off… but her doctors wouldn't help her. Her postpartum depression was callously dismissed and Celeste found herself turning to alcohol to self medicate. In order to show up better for her children, Celeste created “The Ultimate Mom Challenge”, an exercise where each month she would work on one characteristic of herself in order to become the best mom she could be. But it still wasn't enough, and Celeste's drinking got worse as she struggled to find her way. Finally, a severe panic attack after a long night of drinking made her realize that it was time to quit. Yet, it wasn't until she opened up to her supportive online community that she realized that sobriety was not deprivation, but liberation!Celeste has been sharing her sober journey with the world ever since. You can learn more about Celeste and The Ultimate Mom Challenge on her website or follow her on Instagram or TikTok.Tools that Celeste recommends:I Am Sober App can be found here.Sober Buddy App can be found here.This Naked Mind Tracker can be found here.The Addiction Inoculation can be found here.Join The Sober Mom Life FB group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1542852942745657 We have merch!!!!  Check it out here! Click here to follow The Sober Mom Life on Instagram Love this show? Let me know by rating and reviewing the show on Apple Podcasts! Check out our sister podcast, Brand New Information!

In this weeks podcast we are joined by Jessica Lahey. We discuss her second book, "The Addiction Inoculation,  Raising Healthy kids in a Culture of Dependence. "  Jessica discusses her relationship with alcohol and her journey to sobriety, as well as providing clear, evidence based information on how to help our children avoid substance abuse.  Jessica Lahey is also the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont, and serves as a prevention and recovery coach at Sana, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and The New York Times.  She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont. If you enjoyed what you heard and find this flavor of vulnerability delicious, please let your friends know on Social Media! #whereveryougotyapodcastwww.instagram.com/whereveryougotyaDo you have a future topic you'd like Vanessa to discuss or would you like to be a guest?  Email your suggestion to: vw@vanessawelstead.com 

Jessica Lahey returns for a part 2 discussion!  On last weeks episode we discussed her book, "The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed" and on this weeks podcast we discuss her second book, "The Addiction Inoculation,  Raising Healthy kids in a Culture of Dependence. "  This podcast episode is an important episode for parents raising children ---as she gives clear, evidence based information on how to help our children avoid substance abuse.  Her book is an incredible and pertinent book for parents to read.In addition to being an accomplished, New York Times best selling author, Jessica received her law degree, and she spent many years as an English and writing teacher.  She also cohosts a writing and creativity podcast, #amwriting.  Dr Jessica Hochman is a board certified pediatrician, mom to three children, and she is very passionate about the health and well being of children.  Most of her educational videos are targeted towards general pediatric topics and presented in an easy to understand manner. Do you have a future topic you'd like Dr Jessica Hochman to discuss?  Email your suggestion to: askdrjessicamd@gmail.com. Dr Jessica Hochman is also on social media:Follow her on Instagram: @AskDrJessicaFollow her on TikTok: @AskDrJessicaSubscribe to her YouTube channel! Ask Dr JessicaSubscribe to this podcast: Ask Dr JessicaSubscribe to her mailing list: www.askdrjessicamd.comThe information presented in Ask Dr Jessica is for general educational purposes only.  She does not diagnose medical conditions or formulate treatment plans for specific individuals.  If you have a concern about your child's health, be sure to call your child's health care provider.

Episode Description: Are we drinking too much? Is it okay to let our teenagers drink? What if we monitor and supervise? Theses are the questions I wanted to ask Jessica Lahey, Author of The Addiction Inoculation and prevention and sobriety coach at an evidence-based medical detox and recovery center in Vermont.. Her journey to sobriety and her work with adults and teens have led her to the answers we are going to give you today. Can we inoculate our kids against addiction? Prevent them and us from self medicating? Awareness is the first step. Connect with: Jessica! Website: https://www.jessicalahey.com/ Twitter: @jesslahey IG: @teacherlahey TikTok: @jesslahey FB: https://www.facebook.com/jessicapottslahey/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFJ5jb98nTWRKRPm1JS0i_g Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-lahey-b815a366/ Guest Bio: Jess Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. She's a prevention and sobriety coach at Sana at Stowe, an evidence-based medical detox and recovery center in Vermont. She has two kids who are grown and flown, so consequently she has three dogs and two cats. She lives in the woods of Vermont with her husband, Tim.

If you have teenagers like I do, or have kids that will become teenagers, or are considering having kids that will become teenagers, or even know anyone with a teenager… …you've probably thought about kids and substance abuse. Of course, all parents want to give their kids the best possible resources and support to prevent problems with drugs and alcohol. But what does that look like? Is it teaching moderation or prohibiting substances before the legal age? How much does genetics play into it? Those are big, important questions, considering that according to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, teen drug addiction is the nation's largest preventable and costly health problem. And nine out of 10 adults with substance use disorder report they began drinking and taking drugs before age 18. My guest on this podcast, Jessica Lahey, was born into a family with a long history of alcoholism and drug abuse. Despite her efforts to avoid that path, Jessica struggled with alcoholism herself until 2013, when she got sober in her early 40s. Her latest book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, is a comprehensive resource that parents and educators can use to help prevent substance abuse in children. A parent herself, Jessica has also learned firsthand how to navigate this highly sensitive and important topic. Jessica is also the author of the New York Times bestselling book The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. For more than twenty years, Jessica has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont, and serves as a prevention and recovery coach at Sana at Stowe, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont. Jessica writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, is a book critic for Air Mail, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” for three years at the New York Times. Jessica designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee for her Creative Nonfiction magazine essay, “I've Taught Monsters.” The co-host of the #AmWriting podcast, with bestselling authors KJ Dell'Antonia and Sarina Bowen, Jessica also holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. Jessica will be soon featured in a special chapter of my Boundless Parenting book, for which this podcast interview is part of a series leading up to the official book launch in late 2022. She lives in Vermont with her husband, two sons, and many dogs. Episode Sponsors: DNA COMPANY: If you value your health and want the tools to help you avoid serious diseases, then go ahead and order this DNA test from The DNA Company. All listeners are eligible to receive a $50 discount using code BEN at checkout.  BGL Careers: Check out our open positions at BenGreenfieldLife.com/Careers Wild Health: Wild Health, a precision medicine company, is hosting a series of events with some amazing guests, with the intention of providing people the opportunity to heal their spirit, connect with their true nature and wake up to reality, they're calling it the ‘Awake and Aware Series.' If you'd like to join, visit bengreenfieldlife.com/wildhealthprinciples and use code BG15 to get 15% off the event price.  Clearlight Sauna If you want to sweat buckets in the privacy of your own home, go to HealwithHeat.com use code: BEN for a discount and free shipping – this is a huge savings because these saunas are big, and heavy and well-made.  Joy Mode: Want to spice things up in the bedroom and boost your sexual performance? And do it naturally without nasty prescription drugs? We have a special offer for the Ben Greenfield audience. Go to usejoymode.com/GREENFIELD or enter GREENFIELD at checkout for 20% off your first order.  WATER & WELLNESS: Use code GREENFIELD to save 10% on all orders. Go to WaterAndWellness.com/Greenfield

In this not to be missed episode, Veronica Interviews Jessica Lahey author of The Addiction Inoculation about what to tell our kids about alcohol and drugs.   To learn more, visit the show notes.

Mom, teacher, and author, Jessica Lahey reveals the motivation behind her best-selling book, The Addiction Inoculation. She talks brain science, middle schoolers, and how being open and honest about her own sobriety keeps her accountable.

When it comes to how to motivate kids, our society gets a lot wrong.If you ever find yourself seconding guess your parenting choices that don't always look like the rest of society's parenting choices, definitely listen in to my talk with Jessica Lahey today.If, on another note, you've had a rough gardening season, or just want to improve your garden soil, check out this episode's sponsor, Redmond's Agriculture, & my favorite soil kit option on the market, right here: theprairiehomestead.com/soiltest. Be sure to use code HOMESTEAD & save 15% off your entire order!In today's episode, Jessica explains why extrinsic motivators (aka a parent begging, punishing, or bribing) don't boost a child's intrinsic motivation. And we dive into detail about all the better options.Jessica is the author of The Gift of Failure (https://bit.ly/3QF1MEN) and The Addiction Inoculation (https://bit.ly/3K93tIm).The books Jessica mentioned: How to Be a Person by Catherine Newman: https://bookshop.org/a/5789/9781635861822Your Turn by Julie Lythcott-Haims: https://bookshop.org/a/5789/9781250137777Where to find Jessica:website: jessicalahey.com#amwriting podcast: https://amwriting.substack.com/ facebook: facebook.com/jplaheyMy (New) Old-School Blog: www.prairiephilosophy.comHead to http://www.theprairiehomestead.com/grow to get complimentary access to my best homestead resources.Get more in-depth homestead info, printable recipes, tutorials, and more on my blog at www.theprairiehomestead.comGet Old-Fashioned on Purpose hats & shirts at www.homesteadswag.comFollow Jill on Twitter: http://twitter.com/homesteaderFollow Jill on YouTube: http://youtube.com/theprairiehomesteadFollow Jill on Instagram: http://instagram.com/jill.winger

Jess Lahey is the author of the NYT bestselling The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. Her writing can be found at The Atlantic, the New York Times, and the Washington Post. She co-hosts the award-winning #AmWriting podcast and works as a prevention coach at Sana at Stowe, a medical detox and recovery in Stowe, VT.   Jess had a number of amazing insights during our conversation. Some of them include: “One of the best things my parents ever did for me was [let me read whatever book I wanted]” (6:00). “My idea of heaven is a story well told that teaches me some things” (6:25). “I went for jobs I wasn't qualified for and then learned how to do them on the go” (7:25). “The best part about being a writer is I can write about anything I want and I have to become an expert in that thing before I have any standing, any sort of authority, to write about it” (7:35). “I was a teacher for 20 years, and from my perspective my job was to not only teach the material to other people, but to anticipate their possible questions” (8:20). “The way we encourage curiosity without making our kids so curious to try things that may be dangerous for them is to also provide lots of information about it” (11:30). “Many of the ways we gather information changed during the pandemic” (20:20). “You can opt to just not have [drinking alcohol] be a part of your life, not because you have a problem with it, but because it doesn't make you feel great. I love that” (22:15). “Getting to the place where you know you need help is like a 100-piece puzzle; you can't have that 100th piece drop into place unless pieces 1-99 were there” (25:15). “I'm happy to be a resource for whoever wants to use me as a resource” (30:00). “Being there when someone is ready to talk is the best thing that I can do for anyone” (30:45). “I love learning on the fly, I love learning under pressure, I like a deadline, I like putting myself in the position of impressing people by how fast I can pick things up” (35:05). “[Through my book] now I get to give other people the benefit of what I learned from [my experiences with alcohol and addiction] and what I learned with years of research” (36:45). “I was born to teach and I was born to write, but they're the same thing to me” (37:35). “Here's this complicated thing that's really interesting, let me do all the research for you and translate it for you. That's my dream job, that's heaven to me” (39:35). “We tend to teach the way we were taught” (42:35). “Teaching for me is partially about being on a stage and crafting thoughts and information in a way that helps people to arrive at conclusions themselves” (42:50). “I am a difficult person to have on your staff because… I have no problem saying ‘No, that doesn't work, why are we doing it that way'” (45:45). “For me, the more public I am, the easier it is for me to stay sober” (50:00). “You have to name it to tame it when it comes to emotions” (51:10). “Gaining competence through doing things that are new/sometimes a little risky, that's one of the biggest adrenaline hits and dopamine hits that kids can access. That's one of the best ways to get that dopamine hit when a lot of kids turn to drugs and alcohol” (58:55). “[I] love to live in the gray area” (1:00:30). “One of the things I'm most proud of in my life is a big failure” (1:04:40). “It was this moment of facing that fear of not being good at something, to allow myself the freedom to learn how to do it and learn how to do it right so well that the next time I attempted to do something similar I was able to learn from my mistakes” (1:07:55). “Go for the moment [your kids] will let you have with them” (1:13:50).   Additionally, make sure to follow Jess on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! You can also use this link to find and purchase Jessica's books! Thank you so much to Jess for coming on the podcast! I wrote a book called “Shift Your Mind” that was released in October of 2020, and you can order it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Additionally, I have launched a company called Strong Skills, and I encourage you to check out our new website https://www.strongskills.co/. If you liked this episode and/or any others, please follow me on Twitter: @brianlevenson or Instagram: @Intentional_Performers. Thanks for listening.

Educator, journalist, and author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation Jessica Lahey joins Zibby to discuss her books and the parenting advice they provide. As someone who has recovered from a substance abuse disorder, Jessica shares how parents can change their attitude around drinking to help minimize the risk of addiction in their kid's future. She also tells Zibby about why research-based nonfiction is her favorite topic to both read and write, how the responses to The Gift of Failure helped her write The Addiction Inoculation, and what led her and her friend KJ Dell'Antonia to start their podcast #AmWriting.Purchase on Amazon or Bookshop.Amazon (The Gift of Failure): https://amzn.to/3LahG6UAmazon (The Addiction Inoculation): https://amzn.to/36rI4KQBookshop (The Gift of Failure): https://bit.ly/3JIODr0Bookshop (The Addiction Inoculation): https://bit.ly/3wJ14Q1Subscribe to Zibby's weekly newsletter here. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Parenting is a tough gig. We love and adore our children and, yet, there are so many aspects of their lives over which we don't have control. Our instinct is to want to protect them from the impacts of failures and their bad choices -- all while keeping them physically and mentally and healthy. We intellectually know that protecting our children too much isn't good for them, either. So, how do we navigate these conflicting imperatives? Two of the best books I have recently enjoyed on parenting come from the brilliant woman interviewed in this episode. Jessica Lahey (https://www.jessicalahey.com/) is the author of The Addiction Inoculation and the Gift of Failure. The New York Times Book Review, Publisher's Weekly and many well-regarded thought leaders hold her work in the highest regard and for good reason: she has identified and provided user-friendly solutions for much of what challenges modern children and parents daily. So, listen in as Jess unpacks the parenting tips everyone needs! Addiction Inoculation: https://tinyurl.com/25f7wcv7 Gift of Failure: https://tinyurl.com/2p9bf8rx

I have a community talk on April 7 in Grandview and I am excited. There have been multiple times when I think about I feel scared, worried, and even anxious but I've decided… I'm excited! On this episode talk about some of the potentially controversial topics from the talk, a great podcast with Mel Robins on Call Her Daddy, and A great book by Jessica Leahy called The Addiction Inoculation about preventing addiction in teens. If you know someone that needs to hear this episode please share it with them and as always we would love a written review on Apple podcast or Spotify. You can find us at K Preston Moore Instagram @kprestonmoore Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/k.preston.moore Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/highcostofanonymitypodcast/?ref=share Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kprestonmoore/ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/65h0V990cXBZZ9Op20hYjA?si=NJTW7xS4STSKAOTY46HrFg Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/high-cost-anonymity-podcast-exploring-cost-keeping/id1357105789

Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont, and serves as a prevention and recovery coach at Sana at Stowe, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, is a book critic for Air Mail, and her biweekly column “The Parent Teacher Conference” ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee for her Creative Nonfiction magazine essay, “I've Taught Monsters.” Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast with bestselling authors KJ Dell'Antonia and Sarina Bowen, and lives in Vermont with her husband, two sons, and a lot of dogs. On this episode, we are truly thrilled to welcome multi-talented genius Jessica Lahey to chat with us about parenting, how drugs and alcohol affect brain development, what getting sober many years into a marriage looks like. On this episode it's Louisa flying solo as host as Lily and Rose had last minute emergencies but this is a great chat nonetheless!

Today's episode is about all things related to marijuana, cannabis, THC, CBD, and everything in between. We are talking with Gretchen Hagenbuch, M.Ed., CPS, from Caron Treatment Centers and just a few (of the many) topics we cover include: youth trends of use, the link between marijuana use and mental health, how a parent can approach talking about their own experiences (or lack thereof) with substances, and how marijuana is unique in its ability to “lower the bar and make that lowered bar perfectly acceptable”.   This episode is packed with helpful information and how-tos that every parent needs to hear to help navigate the ever-changing landscape of marijuana. Join us!   Things we mentioned during our conversation: Selena (also from Caron) did an interview with about all things vaping   We mention PAYS data and DASD marijuana and vaping use (pgs. 14-17)   Gretchen talks about Delta-8 and its risks; learn more about its risks here and here Delta-8 is currently sold similar to dangerous substances K2 and Spice.   We talked about how marijuana can make anxiety worse and negatively affect mental health.    We talked about arrested development, which adolescents are at risk for when using substances and/or developing dependency on a substance.   Chrissie mentioned Jessica Lahey's book The Addiction Inoculation when talking about your own use/non-use history and making sure not to glamorize the experience.     Gretchen talked about Caron's Blog   Caron is an internationally recognized nonprofit dedicated to addiction and behavioral healthcare treatment, research, prevention, and addiction medicine education. Learn more about Caron here: www.caron.org Caron's free digital education and prevention classes on their website Caron has a free marijuana and vaping trends and prevention course Follow Caron on: Facebook Twitter   Sign up for CTC's First Annual Snowball Shuffle Family 5k Run & 1 Mile Walk    CTC's Parent Resource Page with Marijuana Resources   Communities that Care has a Parent to Parent Blog and many online resources and webinars. Please follow us on socials for more tips, resources and support!: Instagram @downingtownctc  Facebook @DowningtownAreaCTC  Twitter @DowningtownCTC  YouTube LinkedIn   Be sure to Subscribe/Follow us to get new episodes every other Monday. We would love to hear from you! Please email Chrissie with any questions, comments or other feedback at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org  Find the episode webpage and previous episodes HERE.

Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation | Brought to you by Wealthfront automated investing, Athletic Greens all-in-one nutritional supplement, and BlockFi crypto platform. More on all three below.Jessica Lahey (@jesslahey) is the author of the New York Times bestselling book The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Over twenty years, Jessica has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She currently serves as a recovery coach at Sana at Stowe, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont, where 100 percent of her salary goes to a scholarship fund for young adults.Jessica writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, New York Times, and The Atlantic, is a book critic for Air Mail, and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning The Stinky and Dirty Show. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast with bestselling authors K.J. Dell'Antonia and Sarina Bowen from her house in Vermont, where she lives with her husband, two sons, and a lot of dogs.Please enjoy!This episode is brought to you by Athletic Greens. I get asked all the time, “If you could only use one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually Athletic Greens, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. I do my best with nutrient-dense meals, of course, but AG further covers my bases with vitamins, minerals, and whole-food-sourced micronutrients that support gut health and the immune system. Right now, Athletic Greens is offering you their Vitamin D Liquid Formula free with your first subscription purchase—a vital nutrient for a strong immune system and strong bones. Visit AthleticGreens.com/Tim to claim this special offer today and receive the free Vitamin D Liquid Formula (and five free travel packs) with your first subscription purchase! That's up to a one-year supply of Vitamin D as added value when you try their delicious and comprehensive all-in-one daily greens product.*This episode is also brought to you by Wealthfront! Wealthfront pioneered the automated investing movement, sometimes referred to as ‘robo-advising,' and they currently oversee $20 billion of assets for their clients. It takes about three minutes to sign up, and then Wealthfront will build you a globally diversified portfolio of ETFs based on your risk appetite and manage it for you at an incredibly low cost. Smart investing should not feel like a rollercoaster ride. Let the professionals do the work for you. Go to Wealthfront.com/Tim and open a Wealthfront account today, and you'll get your first $5,000 managed for free, for life. Wealthfront will automate your investments for the long term. Get started today at Wealthfront.com/Tim.*This episode is also brought to you by BlockFi! BlockFi is building a bridge between cryptocurrencies and traditional financial and wealth-management products. I became excited enough about this company that I ended up becoming an investor.Their BlockFi Rewards Visa® Signature Credit Card provides an easy way to earn more Bitcoin because you can earn 3.5% in Bitcoin back on all purchases in your first 3 months and 1.5% forever after, with no annual fee. BlockFi also lets you easily buy or sell cryptocurrencies. For a limited time, you can earn a crypto bonus of $15–$250 in value when you open a new account. Get started today at BlockFi.com/Tim and use code TIM at sign up.For show notes and past guests, please visit tim.blog/podcast.Sign up for Tim's email newsletter (“5-Bullet Friday”) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Discover Tim's books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss YouTube: youtube.com/timferrissPast guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, and many more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week's Unashamed Alcoholic guest is author Jessica Lahey.A best-selling author, Jessica Lahey grew up surrounded by alcoholism and like many of us, it wasn't openly spoken about. Now 8 years sober herself, she wrote The Addiction Inoculation, a comprehensive resource parents and educators can use to prevent substance abuse in children. As an alcoholic and parent, I read this book cover to cover and highly recommend it. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Jessica.Support the show

Today we are talking all things vaping with Selena Morresi, MPH, CTTS, CHES, from Caron Treatment Centers. Selena is the Lead Student Assistance Program Specialist and works with middle and high school students facilitating cessation programs to support youth to be nicotine free.  In our conversation today we talked about when kids may try vaping for the first time, why it is so addictive and harmful, how it is not the same as “old school cigarettes,” and how to talk to your kids about vaping. We also discuss the Juul, Puffbar, and sneaky sweatshirts...join us!   Caron's mission is to transform lives impacted by drug and alcohol addiction through proven, evidence-based, comprehensive, and personalized behavioral healthcare. Caron also offers prevention and education programs for schools and communities.  Things we mentioned during our conversation:   Chrissie mentioned the Clean Indoor Air Act which regulates where people can use traditional cigarettes. Vaping is not included in the Clean Indoor Air Act in Pennsylvania.   Chrissie mentioned the book by Jessica Lahey, The Addiction Inoculation when talking about dopamine during adolescence.    Selena references data from the Monitoring the Future survey.    You can email Selena at: smorresi@caron.org  Learn more about Caron here: www.caron.org Selena mentioned Caron's free digital education and prevention classes on their website Caron also has an online self-paced cessation program for teens that is FREE called Connect 5 Follow Caron on: Facebook Twitter Communities that Care has a Parent to Parent Blog and many online resources and webinars. Please follow us on socials for more tips, resources and support!: Instagram @downingtownctc  Facebook @DowningtownAreaCTC  Twitter @DowningtownCTC  YouTube LinkedIn   We would love to hear from you! Please email Chrissie Dziembowskiwith any questions, comments or other feedback at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org 

In this supportive, life-saving resource, the New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure helps parents and educators understand the roots of substance abuse and identify who is most at risk for addiction, and offers practical steps for prevention.Jessica Lahey was born into a family with a long history of alcoholism and drug abuse. Despite her desire to thwart her genetic legacy, she became an alcoholic and didn't find her way out until her early forties. Jessica has worked as a teacher in substance abuse programs for teens, and was determined to inoculate her two adolescent sons against their most dangerous inheritance. All children, regardless of their genetics, are at some risk for substance abuse. According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, teen drug addiction is the nation's largest preventable and costly health problem. Despite the existence of proven preventive strategies, nine out of ten adults with substance use disorder report they began drinking and taking drugs before age eighteen. The Two Jess(es) welcome this incredible third Jess, once again, for another rattling WeSTAT conversation on the topic of alcohol, your kids, substance abuse disorder, and how our relationship to ALL of it, desperately needs to be examined- for the sake of our children's brain development.Meet Jessica!Jessica Lahey writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, the New York Times, and The Atlantic and is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. She is a member of the Amazon Studios Thought Leader Board and wrote the curriculum for Amazon Kids' The Stinky and Dirty Show. She lives in Vermont with her husband and two sons.To learn more, go to: https://www.jessicalahey.com/Support the show (http://www.paypal.com)

Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episodeStories of addiction and overdoses are incredibly scary. We hear about teens who lose their way after getting in with the wrong crowd, or watch friends and family struggle to keep their lives together while battling substance abuse. As a parent, the last thing you want is for kids to fall into a destructive pattern of addiction  that slowly chips away at their mental and physical health….but teens are impressionable and drug and alcohol use among adolescents is on the rise. What can we do to make sure our teens don't develop  a substance use disorder?Today, we're talking about prevention. So often, we view substance abuse from the end, looking at the rock bottom as the starting place for recovery. And while it's important to acknowledge those life-changing moments of realization, it's time to focus on how we can stop our teens from using drugs at all. In this episode, we're getting into the steps you can take right now to ensure your teen is safe from substance abuse. Our guest is Jessica Lahey, author of Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. With over 20 years of teaching and parenting experience under her belt, Jessica began to write about her experiences, becoming a blogger, journalist, and eventually a best-selling author. Her work with adolescents in rehab clinics pushed her to research and write on the subject of substance abuse–primarily how we can prevent it instead of waiting until our teens hit rock bottom. In our interview, we're debating the existence of gateway drugs, explaining how kids get into substance use, and deconstructing the popular myth that it's better to give kids wine at the dinner table before they reach drinking age. Plus, we're covering things like academic failure, monitoring teens online activities and more!Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode

My guest today is Jessica Lahey. Jessica is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She currently serves as a recovery coach at Sana at Stowe, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont, where 100% of her salary goes to a scholarship fund for young adults. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, New York Times, and The Atlantic, is a book critic for Air Mail, and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning The Stinky and Dirty Show. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast with bestselling authors K.J. Dell'Antonia and Sarina Bowen from her house in Vermont, where she lives with her husband, two sons and a lot of dogs.In this episode we explore:- Jessica's new book, The Addiction Inoculation- The complexity of whether adolescents develop substance use issues- Jessica's personal experiences later in life with addiction - The role that AA has played in her recovery - The missing gaps in our education system for preventing substance use disorders- What it means to live in a culture of dependence—————————————————————————Jessica's website: https://www.jessicalahey.com/Her books: https://www.jessicalahey.com/books#AmWriting Podcast: https://amwriting.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jplaheyTwitter: https://twitter.com/jesslahey—————————————————————————If you find value in the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes? It only takes 30 seconds and plays an important role in being able to get new guests. I also love reading them! Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mentallyflexible/Explore the website: https://mentallyflexible.com/Check out my song “Glimpse at Truth” that you hear in the intro/outro of every episode: https://tomparkes.bandcamp.com/track/glimpse-at-truth

Author Jessica Lahey returns for a closer look at addiction prevention. When and how should we talk to our children about addiction? How much should we tell them about our own stories? And what are the right things to do when it comes to protecting your children from addiction.

Jessica Lahey has spent more than 20 years as a teacher, including five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab center for adolescents. She is a New York Times Best-Selling author.She's also a self-described alcoholic who set out on a quest to learn how to prevent her kids from falling into a generational cycle of addiction.In this episode, she talks about her new book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence.  She shares how to empower kids to refuse substances, how to talk about alcohol in an effective manner, and how to decrease the chances that a child will develop a drug or alcohol problem.

When and how should we talk to our children about addiction? How much should we tell them about our own stories? Author Jessica Lahey discusses raising healthy kids in a culture of dependence.

Dr. Dan interviews NYTimes bestselling author Jessica Lahey about addiction, alcoholism, substance abuse, recovery, and prevention. Dr. Dan and Jessica share the startling statistic that all children, regardless of their genetics, are at some risk for substance abuse. Jessica discusses her personal story of being born into a family with a long history of alcoholism and drug abuse and how, despite her best efforts, she became an alcoholic and didn't find her way out until her early forties. Today's interview will instantly change how you think about alcohol and drug use. Jess's book The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence is a life-saving resource written to help parents/educators understand the roots of substance abuse, to identify who is most at risk for addiction, and to offer practical steps for prevention.  For more information visit:  www.jessicalahey.com Email your parenting questions to Dr. Dan podcast@drdanpeters.com (we might answer on a future episode) Follow us @parentfootprintpodcast (Instagram, Facebook) and @drdanpeters (Twitter) Listen, subscribe, rate, review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you like to listen For more information  www.exactlyrightmedia.com  www.drdanpeters.com   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Notes Whether you're a parent, have nieces and nephews, or hang with your best friends and their kids, we don't want them to fail or feel like failures. The reality is that failure is a gift, and that's exactly what we discuss today with Jessica Lahey. As a parent and educator, she wrote an amazing book about how we can help our kids fail better. Follow Jessica on Twitter @jesslahey Get a copy of The Gift of Failure: https://amzn.to/3vTTgGR Get a copy of The Addiction Inoculation: https://amzn.to/3dhFl7c Visit Jessica's website For the interview transcript visit www.TheRewiredSoul.com/interviews Follow @TheRewiredSoul on Twitter and Instagram Support The Rewired Soul: Get books by Chris Support on Patreon Try BetterHelp Online Therapy (affiliate) Donate

A psychology podcast episode about reducing the risk of addiction in kids and teens. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: Live and Love with Joyful CourageJoyful Courage for Parents of Teens :::: My guest today is Jessica Lahey. Jessica is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence.  Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, New York Times, and The Atlantic, is a book critic for Air Mail, and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning The Stinky and Dirty Show. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast with bestselling authors K.J. Dell'Antonia and Sarina Bowen from her house in Vermont, where she lives with her husband, two sons and a lot of dogs. Takeaways from the show: Secrecy and shame around substance abuse Jessica's story The process of recovery The normalization of adult drinking Pluralistic ignorance Authoritative parenting Knowledge about raising kids and substances Teaching kids why they shouldn't be using substances Knowing risk factors of substance abuse can help you protect your kids Understanding the teen brain Scripts to give your kids to get out of situations Relationship matters Where to find Jessica: Hot Wings article | Website | Instagram | FaceBook What does Joyful Courage mean to you? This whole book I wrote has been a massive exercise of joyful courage to me. This was the book that all of that crap that I've been through has led to and I'm so proud and happy. It has also been terrifying to put my story out there into the world knowing that substance use disorder is really encamped so there's people with really strong feelings around how things are expressed. The whole thing has been sheer happiness that this thing is out there but also I've been using a lot of courage because it's really scary to put your story out into the world but it is also incredibly empowering. See you next week!! :) :::: MAMA'S RETREAT I see you mamas working hard to support your kids. I can feel you walking the edge of sticking to boundaries and letting things go.  It is exhausting. So…. How about you take a little time to yourself? How about you block out 3 hours to explore your needs and nurture your desires? Give yourself the reset you need to move into the summer months feeling really good. You deserve to be seen mama. Let yourself be seen. Join me and a circle of other amazing women June 27 from 12-3pm PST as we move, ground, and reflect our way to our inner voice, our soul's song. Head over to joyfulcourage.com/retreat to get yourself enrolled!!! :::: The Book, The Coaching Joyful Courage is so much more than a podcast! I know that you love listening in every week AND I want to encourage you to dig deeper into the learning with me, INVEST in your parenting journey. READ THE BOOK - Joyful Courage, Calming the Drama and Taking Control of Your Parenting Journey is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child. Available both in book and audio book form → http://www.joyfulcourage.com/book CONSIDER ONE ON ONE COACHING - The most POWERFUL of investments offered by Joyful Courage, one on one coaching allows for parents to really tease apart the current issues they are having with their child, while also developing a clear compass for guiding them in the direction they want to be going in. Coaching happens every other week, and is open for parents with kids 4 years old through the teen years. Go to my coaching page to book a free exploratory call and see if we are the right fit. → http://www.joyfulcourage.com/jccoaching ::::: Be a Subscriber Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!! CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Joe and Amy sit down with New York Times best selling author Jessica Lahey to talk about the Importance  of letting kids fail, her own path to recovery and her new book “The Addiction Inoculation”.

In this episode, Vicki and Lynn again share some of their favorite books for college parents. This time, we focus on Jessica Lahey and Julie Lythcott-Haims who have each written two books that are essential reading for parents. Whether your child is younger, or you have someone heading to college, you’ll find information, inspiration and support. After you listen to this episode, you’ll want to find a copy of The Gift of Failure, The Addiction Inoculation, How to Raise an Adult, and Your Turn:  How to Be an Adult. Happy reading!

Christopher interviewed Jessica Lahey. Jess shares her research and expertise in her new book helping to prevent addiction in young people. This is so needed, now more than ever. And it's everything Chris wants every family to know before a loved one's substance use gets out of control. So they might as well learn it now before they even start using substances. Here are some of her book’s testimonials: - “Substance abuse is a complex topic, but Lahey separates myth from reality in this deeply researched resource for parents and educators. As a therapist, I know I will be recommending her book to many families for years to come.” -- Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone - “The Addiction Inoculation is a vital look into best practices parenting. Writing as a teacher, a mother, and, as it happens, a recovering alcoholic, Lahey's stance is so compassionate, her advice so smart, any and all parents will benefit from her hard-won wisdom.” -- Peggy Orenstein, author of Girls & Sex and Boys & Sex - “Hard and tremendously important conversations are at the core of The Addiction Inoculation. But thanks to Jessica Lahey’s wit, compassion, and beautiful writing, reading it feels like having those conversations with your most entertaining friend who also happens to be an expert in substance abuse research, education, and child development.” -- David Epstein, author of Range and The Sports Gene The Why Intervention Podcast is aimed at helping family and friends feel supported and encouraged that recovery from addiction is possible, for themselves as well as their loved ones. You'll hear how to affect positive change in their life and help your loved one begin a successful recovery. Host Christopher Doyle shares his insights, talks with experts, and interviews people who have gone through recovery. Links and Resources from this Episode https://whyintervention.com/ https://twitter.com/whyintervention https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs Connect with Jessica Lahey https://www.jessicalahey.com/    Show Notes Why Chris started the Why Intervention Podcast - 1:44 About substance abuse - 2:52 Places to send kids - 4:10 The stories people often share - 8:02 Recovery for young adults is so difficult - 8:45 Being loved - 11:51 Getting into recovery - 13:45 Look at the stories behind the research - 14:57 Not understanding the consequences of the actions - 23:04 Friends supporting you in sobriety - 27:08 Moderate drinking - 30:05 The book under the hands of parents - 31:00 Substance abuse prevention programs in schools - 34:27 We have to help kids find the answers themselves - 39:32 The prescription of opioids - 46:16 What an alcoholic looks like - 52:23 Maintaining denial - 56:09   Review, Subscribe and Share If you like what you hear please leave a review by clicking here Make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast so you get the latest episodes. Subscribe with Apple Podcasts Follow on Spotify Subscribe with Stitcher Subscribe with RSS

In this episode, Tim and Phyllis talk to Jessica Lahey, author of "The Addiction Inoculation," about how parents can instill optimism and teach their children skills--such as self-efficacy and self-regulation--that will help them make smart, healthy decisions throughout their lives.

We all want to keep our children safe. But we also want them to become self-sufficient, fully formed adults; so how do we balance both? This question is always challenging to answer, but particularly so when it comes to exposure to drugs and alcohol. New York Times bestselling author Jessica Lahey joins us today to discuss her new book, The Addiction Inoculation, in which she details, through story and research, how to 'raise healthy kids in a culture of dependence.' She talks about finding the right balance between the risk factors and protective factors in a child's life and how to prioritize your child's social-emotional health over the constant pursuit of perfection. 

At the end of the COVID tunnel, the thought of light is very appealing — 2020 was a whopper. The pandemic has affected us all differently. We’ve developed our own ways of navigating hurdles and managing emotional stress. Middle and high school kids faced unique challenges as they missed iconic milestones and were robbed of social lives. While drugs and alcohol have always been a concern for parents, 2020 saw a rise in addiction among adolescents looking for a coping mechanism. Author Richard Capriola brings decades of experience to the conversation and shares ideas on how parents can best support their kids. His book, “The Addicted Child,” lays out the warning signs and offers seasoned advice to help turn this trend around. Episode 43 of Modern Dadhood opens with a brief catch-up on Marc’s solo-dadding weekend and a realization that the release of this episode falls on the Friday of Mother’s Day weekend. The guys quickly formulate a plan to let their wives take over the next episode and mom it up for half an hour!The guys discuss their (quite different) experiences with their second doses of the Pfizer vaccine, which leads into a conversation about the pandemic, the light at the end, and the impacts that the past year has had on people of all ages. The guys discuss the differences between younger children and high school aged adolescents and coping mechanisms for stress, depression, and trauma—including drugs and alcohol. Marc brings up a recent episode of NHPR’s The Exchange, covering a similar topic with guest Jessica Lahey, before playing back a recent conversation with author Richard Capriola.Richard is a father one grown son who has spent much of his career counseling young people with alcohol and substance abuse issues, and recently published the book The Addicted Child, A Parent’s Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse. Rick joins to promote his book, and we discuss topics including:•  Raising his son as a widower•  The importance of writing a simple and clear guide for parents•  The harm in labeling someone an "addict"•  When is the right time to discuss substance misuse with your kids?•  The neuroscience of adolescent substance use•  What has changed from the "Just Say No" era to now?•  Warning signs to watch out for in our kids•  The importance of listening to words and the feelings behind them•  What assessments are, and why they're important•  The impact of the pandemic on young people The episode culminates with a no-explanation-needed installment of Did I Just Say That Out Loud? in which Adam finds himself doing... some dirty work.Stay tuned for Episode 44, when our wives will take over the podcast—and do whatever the heck they want with the time![Episode Transcript] Links:Richard Capriola [website]The Addicted Child [Amazon]DrugFree.orgRed Vault AudioCaspar BabypantsSpencer AlbeeStuffed Animal [Marc's musical project]

How do we prevent substance abuse and raise healthy kids in a culture of dependence? In Episode 232, Christine talks to Jessica Lahey about her new book "The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence." Christine and Jessica talk about the danger of secrecy, how to help kids manage their emotions and moods, modeling, mindfulness, and more. + + + + + Edit Your Life shares practical ideas for decluttering your home, schedule, and mental space without getting bogged down by perfection. Hosts Christine Kohi and Asha Dornfest are award-winning bloggers and the co-authors of MINIMALIST PARENTING and won the 2017 Iris Award for Podcast Of The Year. Share: #edityourlifeshow Show notes: http://www.edityourlifeshow.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/edityourlifeshow Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/edityourlifeshow/ Email: edityourlifeshow@gmail.com

Get the book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence Get a signed copy of the book Visit Jessica's website, JessicaLahey.com About the Author Jessica Lahey is a teacher, writer, and mom, with a background in juvenile and education law, but she's best known as a writer whose work has appeared in The Atlantic, Vermont Public Radio, and the New York Times, and she's the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed.

Can you prevent addiction? Or alcoholism?  After all, no one dreams of taking their son to rehab. Or arguing with him, repeatedly, about his use of pot, alcohol or meth. When our babies are little, we tell ourselves that if we do everything right, our sons can avoid alcoholism and addiction. But that’s simply not true.  24% of 8th graders have had at least 1 drink by 8th grade. -- and about 50% of those drink heavily. Boys may be particularly at risk: according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, children who struggle in school when they are between ages 7-9 are more likely to be using addictive substances by age 14 or 15.   Genetics account for approximately 50-60% of an individual's risk of developing a substance use disorder. But no matter your sons' genetic legacy, the positive parenting strategies you use to help your son thrive can also protect him from substance use disorder. "Genetics is not destiny," says Jessica Lahey, author of The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence . "What I want people to understand is that if we know the risks, and are really clear-eyed about the risks, we can more specifically target our prevention." Inoculation theory, Jessica says, tells us that teaching our kids, empowering them, and building their self-efficacy skills can effectively decrease their chances of succumbing to peer pressure -- especially if we also teach them "scripts" they can use to gracefully decline substances. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Jessica discuss: Risk for factors of addiction and substance use disorders Balancing a child's risk of developing substance use disorder with protective factor The role of silence and dishonestly is perpetuating substance use disorders How (or IF) to talk about your use drug or substance use The link between trauma, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and addiction How to talk about substance use with kids of all ages Helping your child resist peer pressure & say no Explaining the difference between adult alcohol and substance use and child/adolescent use How teens weigh risk (Spoiler: they weigh the possible positive consequences of substance use more heavily than the possible negative consequences) How puberty, drugs, & alcohol affect kids' brain chemistry Why saying "yes" to novel or risky activities may decrease the chances of your boys using substances Should you let kids drink with the family? Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, by Jessica Lahey The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Can Learn to Let Go So Their Children Success -- Jessica's 2016 New York Times best-selling book jessicaleahy.com -- Jessica's website; includes links to to her upcoming (virtual) speaking gigs CDC info on ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) -- discussed at 9:40 The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity, by Nadine Burke Harris (mentioned at 10:40) To Raise a Boy (w Emma Brown) -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 12:35) Boys & Sex (w Peggy Orenstein) -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 18:23)

On this episode, I welcome New York Times Bestselling Author, Dr. Jessica Lahey to talk about her new book--The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependance. We discuss the following (and so much more):What a "culture of dependance means."When we should start speaking to children about substance use (Hint: It's a lot earlier than you may think).What role do genetics and environment play in addiction?Do school-based prevention programs work?What are some protective factors for substance use in children?Make sure to visit her website https://www.jessicalahey.com/ for more and follow us on Instagram at @pedsdoctalk and @teacherlahey

Many things can contribute to a child's predisposition to substance abuse. Topping the list is a parent's own relationship with drugs and alcohol. Guest Jessica Lahey (author, "The Addiction Inoculation") discusses the genetic legacy parents can pass on to their children, plus risk factors attributed to school and home life to look out for. 

In this episode of Kids Under Construction, Donna Tetreault interviews Jessica Lahey. She is the New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure and has a new book out, The Addiction Inoculation. Lahey gives parents the foundation to better understand the roots of addiction and helps offer steps toward prevention. This work starts early in life. David Epstein, bestselling author of The Sports Gene and Range says this about Lahey's new book. “Hard and tremendously important conversations are at the core of The Addiction Inoculation. But thanks to Jessica Lahey’s wit, compassion, and beautiful writing, reading it feels like having those conversations with your most entertaining friend who also happens to be an expert in substance abuse research, education, and child development.”Listen in to this honest and important conversation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Ned talks with Jessica Lahey, whose most recent book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, is just out. They discuss Jessica’s compassionate, practical guide to giving our children the tools to navigate the temptations of substance abuse. Her book builds on the latest scholarship in psychology, neuroscience, and child welfare, as well as her own journey parenting while coming to sobriety herself. Jessica’s website is https://www.jessicalahey.com. Follow Jessica on Twitter @jesslahey and Ned at @nedjohnson.

Most young people can be at some risk for substance abuse, regardless of their genetics. According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, teen drug addiction is the nation's most costly and most preventable health problem. That said, nine out of ten adults with substance use disorder still report they began drinking and […]

How To Protect Your Child From Addiction Nearly 1 in 5 (19.4%) of adolescents age 12 and up used an illicit drug in the past year (SAMHSA, 2018) Between 2006 and 2015, there were 36,422 adolescent and young adult drug-related deaths in the U.S. (Ali et al., 2019) In the 15-24 year age range, 50% of deaths (from accidents, homicides, suicides) involve alcohol or drug abuse. (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry website) There are a lot of reasons to be concerned about drug and alcohol use by young people today. But there are also some things we as parents, coaches, and educators can be doing to help protect our children. In her latest book, The Addiction Inoculation, NY Times best-selling author, Jessica Lahey, gives us a blueprint to follow based on science, research, and her own experiences as an addict and educator. We spoke to Jessica recently about her book and in particular the issues affecting athletes and substance abuse.   It's also available on our podcast (see above) or on iTunes and Spotify.  (The contents of these videos and podcasts are not to take the place of your health care provider. Always consult with your doctor first.) Time Stamps For Topics 2:00: What made you write the book? 5:35: Is it too late to start making changes? 6:12: Why is the topic of substance abuse important for parents? 9:10: The adolescent brain, its development, and how substances impact them 13:16: Dopamine and the “hits” adolescents get from substance abuse 19:05: Prevalence of substance abuse; pluralistic thinking 25:00: Defining binge drinking 27:30: Statistics on young adults, accidents, and death related to substance abuse 29:55: Chris Herren’s story and his perspective 32:50: Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACES) and other risk factors 37:48: Research on high school athletes and substance abuse 49:36: Colleges, reputations, and drinking alcohol 51:30: Protective factors for children and adolescents 1:06:20: Professional Help / Resources 1:07:34: Summary of topics and content in the book / Controlling parents / Reasons kids use substances Follow Jessica Lahey: Twitter: @jesslahey  IG: @teacherlahey FB: Jessica Lahey  Follow Dr. Sam Maniar at  Centerforpeakperformance.com and Twitter @sam_maniar Follow Asia Mape and ILTWYP here.

We were honored to be able to spend some time talking with Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed,  about her new book The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jessica’s new book weaves together her personal story about addiction with a tremendous amount of information about topics such as brain development, drinking culture, substance use disorder, and ways both parents and schools can approach this sensitive topic. The book contains suggestions and scripts for conversations with your kids from pre-school through elementary, middle and high school as well as college. With this book, parents will be armed with the information they need to talk to their kids about alcohol and drugs.

Teacher, author, speaker, and mom Jessica Lahey (The Gift of Failure) shares her newest book about kids, drugs, and alcohol, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence.For more info, visit:  https://tiltparenting.com/session249Support the show

In celebration of the 100th episode of the Primary Care Perspectives podcast, Dr. Katie Lockwood welcomes a special guest, author Jessica Lahey, to discuss her most recent book, “The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence.” Lahey, whose perspective is informed by her own recovery from alcohol addiction and her experiences as a writing teacher and parent, writes for The New York Times and The Washington Post and is the author of the bestseller “The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn How to Let Go So Their Kids Can Succeed,” from 2015. Here she shares insight on topics including: countering myths about drinking and drugs (such as “everyone does it”); the gateway hypothesis; how pediatricians can be an ally for parents and teenagers in decision-making around alcohol and drugs; the AAP guidelines for substance abuse in youth; tips for effective discussions with teenagers; and more. Published April 2021. This podcast is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not to be considered as medical advice for any particular patient. Clinicians must rely on their own informed clinical judgment in making recommendations to their patients. ©2021 by Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, all rights reserved.

This short episode is a non-released excerpt from a December 2020 interview with New York Times best-selling author Jessica Lahey, whose new book, The Addiction Inoculation, was released on Tuesday, April 6. We only scratched the surface in discussing the book, which according to her website "helps parents and educators understand the roots of substance abuse and identify who is most at risk for addiction, and offers practical steps for prevention." To learn more about Lahey: Listen to our full episode: https://www.9thgradeexperience.com/season-3-episode-16-new-york-times-best-selling-author-and-educator-jessica-lahey/ Website: https://www.jessicalahey.com/ Twitter: @jesslahey Instagram: @teacherlahey Get this book at Let's Play Books in Emmaus, Pa. https://www.letsplaybooks.com/

All children, regardless of their genetics, are at some risk for substance abuse. According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, teen drug addiction is the nation's largest preventable and costly health problem. Despite the existence of proven preventive strategies, nine out of ten adults with substance use disorder report they began drinking and taking drugs before age eighteen. Some room to grow that particularly refer to us, in relation to this podcast; According to Columbia University's Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA), between 75-87% of parents talk at least a little about nicotine, alcohol, and marijuana, but just 50-60% talk about other drugs such as heroin, amphetamines and abuse of prescription medications—so we can make a difference with bringing this topic to the forefront. What do we say? What can we do to help create a supportive, open environment where substance abuse and the stressors surrounding it are not hidden in a closet where drinking and drug use can be triggered and take hold? For this conversation, we have Jessica Lahey on, who has been with us before when talking about failure—and this time, on addiction and addiction inoculation. The post How to Talk to Kids about Drugs, Alcohol and Addiction Inoculation with Jessica Lahey appeared first on drrobynsilverman.com.

This short episode is a non-released excerpt from a December 2020 interview with New York Times best-selling author Jessica Lahey, whose new book, The Addiction Inoculation, was released on Tuesday, April 6. We only scratched the surface in discussing the book, which according to her website "helps parents and educators understand the roots of substance abuse and identify who is most at risk for addiction, and offers practical steps for prevention." To learn more about Lahey: Listen to our full episode: https://www.9thgradeexperience.com/season-3-episode-16-new-york-times-best-selling-author-and-educator-jessica-lahey/ Website: https://www.jessicalahey.com/ Twitter: @jesslahey Instagram: @teacherlahey Get this book at Let's Play Books in Emmaus, Pa. https://www.letsplaybooks.com/

In this episode of the podcast Joe welcomes good friend and fabulous author Jessica Lahey back to the podcast to discuss her latest book "The Addiction Inoculation." Joe and Jessica get into a great discussion about this book, Jess' own struggles with addiction, and how you can lay the groundwork, now, to help your kids with any future problems.  Enjoy! To quickly and easily leave a rating/review for this podcast please go to:  https://ratethispodcast.com/dtalkspodcast This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Snuffy! Snuffy is a clothing brand about empowering you to show your weird - unapologetically, with bravery and confidence. 10% of profit goes to LGBTQ+ organizations led by Trans* people of color. Shop online now at snuffy.co This episode of the podcast is also brought to you by Empire Toys! Nostalgia is something everyone loves and Empire Toys in Keller Texas is on nostalgia overload.   With toys and action figures from the 70's, 80's, 90's, and today, Empire Toys is a one-stop-shop for a trip down memory lane and a chance to reclaim what was once yours (but likely sold at a garage sale)   Check out Empire Toys on Facebook, Instagram, or at TheEmpireToys.com   The DTALKS Podcast has also been ranked #9 in the "Top 40 Detox Podcast You Must Follow in 2020" according to Feedspot.com for our work in the Cultural Detox space. Thank you so much to the Feedspot team!  https://blog.feedspot.com/detox_podcasts/

Whether we treat failure as a setback or a starting point determines our short-term steps and long-term satisfaction, says Jessica Lahey. In this episode, we explore the winding road to success, the upside of falling down, and how to turn failure into fuel for growth and learning. * * * Jessica is the New York Times bestselling author of "The Gift of Failure" and the forthcoming "The Addiction Inoculation." A veteran educator, she's a contributing writer for the New York Times, The Atlantic and the Washington Post. About Jessica: Website The Gift of Failure The Addiction Inoculation

Jessica Lahey, best-selling author of The Gift of Failure, joins Joe and Phyllis as they talk strategies to connect with and engage middle grades students to promote their healthy development. Jessica shares insights from her newest book, The Addiction Inoculation, to help educators understand the roots of substance abuse, identify who is most at risk for addiction, and be empowered with practical steps for prevention.